"Molly, be reasonable." Albus Dumbledore says.

"No Albus, you be reasonable. There is no reason why Ron can't start his first year of Hogwarts in a couple of weeks."

"Besides the fact that he has failed every class for three years running and is a useless little oik? None of the other students want anything to do with him. Everybody knows his story and the first years don't want him to take them down with him. He's not even trying to study, he sees school as a place to eat whatever he wants three times a day and classes as a place to sleep?" Severus sneers. "Not even Filch wants the little blighter for detentions, he's next to useless."

"But surely there's something we can do about him?" Arthur asks. "Not having him in Hogwarts would be a disgrace."

"And having the school's laughing stock isn't?" Percy snorts from down the table. "I'm embarrassed to admit he's my brother."

"You're embarrassed to admit you're a human being and didn't develop fully grown from a cauldron bottom." McGonagall says.

"But what about his friends, won't they miss him at school?"'

"What friends? He latched onto Potter and rode his coattails their entire first year, then whined bitched and moaned all summer when we gave him additional work so he could test again. Potter wiped his hands of him their second year, as did the other gryffindors. Not even the twins will prank him, and they prank everybody."

"But surely there's something we can do?"

"Send him to Durmstrang? Perhaps a little change of scenery will do him some good? Or he'll piss off the wrong person and they'll take him out for us."

"He'd never be able to handle Durmstrang. At Hogwarts he has teachers he knows." Molly says in a wheedling tone.

"What about Beauxbatons?"

"He'd piss off a veela student and end up extra crispy." McGonagall snorts.

"Albus."

"Oh all right, but you're just throwing your money away. Ron will receive his letter tomorrow but if he doesn't pass this year, he's not coming back to Hogwarts."

"Thank you Albus, if he doesn't turn his act around this time, I'll kill him myself."

Ron whoops as he reads his letter. "Unlike some of us, no new books for me this year."

Ginny snorts and stabs Ron's hand with her fork when he tries to steal sausage from her plate when he thinks she's not looking. "that's because you have to repeat the first year . . . again. The rest of us are starting new years."

"No Percy nagging me to study."

"No Percy nagging any of us to study."

"Oh yeah." Ron says crestfallen for a minute. "I can still use Hermione's notes for classes and I know all the spells."

"No, I've taken Hermione's notes and burned them." Ginny says with an evil grin. "You're going to have to take your own notes."

"Mum, Ginny . . ." He yells.

"Ronald Bilius Weasley, no screeching at the table. And I am quite aware of what Ginny did, we also took all your chocolate frog cards, your games, and anything not pertaining to your classes from your trunk. If you do better in your classes this year, you might get everything back next summer."

"But that's not fair." he whines.

"Neither is making Mum and Dad pay for you to fail first year three years in a row." Ginny snorts, stabbing his hand again.

A few minutes later a scream from the table.

"Mum, Ginny bit me."

"Ginevra Molly Weasley, you know the house rules."

"Yes Mum, I stabbed him twice when he tried stealing food from my plate before I bit him."

"Good Girl."

"Muuuummmmm."

"You know the house rules Ron, no stealing food off the other's plates."

A couple hours later at Diagon Alley.

"But why don't I get an allowance? Everybody else does."

"Because they haven't failed every class they've taken multiple times."

"But that's not fair." Ron drops onto the ground in the middle of Diagon Alley and starts kicking and screaming. "I want money for candy." Molly pulls him up by the ear, twisting it as she drags him into the store for parchment and ink.

"Thank you for bringing me along to get my books Professor Lupin." Hermione says as Harry and Sirius pick up the potions supplies they'll need for the year. After being proven innocent over the summer he'd taken the job of tutoring Harry, Hermione, and Neville in how potions are supposed to be prepared, he'd been hired by Augusta Longbottom to continue to tutor the three the rest of the year so they could take their potion OWLS a year early. Sirius didn't mind, not only was it an excuse to spend time with his godpup, he was tweaking Snape's nose at the same time.

"It was my pleasure Hermione, you've put in a lot of work over this summer." Hermione had nearly failed when the teachers started marking her down for doubling or even tripling the number of inches she'd been assigned. Her parents had not been pleased to be consulted by Headmaster Dumbledore and had given her hell for that, especially as she'd been warned by everybody not to give them more. The teachers had started failing her on essays that had gone over the limit without even reading them and she'd finally started measuring everything, it was only doing so well on her tests that allowed her to scrape a passing grade. She checks her letter and gets the books for her classes, picking up a few extrabefore going to the checkout.

"Do you have your supplies for your non-magical classes?"

"Yes, Mum and Dad picked everything up for me last week, it's already in my trunk and I'll be sending off monthly packets of work. After learning what the real chance a muggleborn has in the wizarding world, I'll be rejoining the non-magical world as soon as I graduate. All I can expect to do in the magickal world is marry and raise babies and with my luck I'd be stuck with Ron. He's going to end up living with his parents, unless his parents arrange a marriage for him out of the country."

"Not possible. Yes, while they are purebloods they have no money, land, or titles. Nobody would accept a contract with them. Even if it is the only way Ron will ever get married." Remus sighs as a loudly complaining Ron is drug away from Florian's. "Are you sure he didn't get hit over the head by the Troll?"

"Madam Pomfrey said there was no brain damage. . . probably because there was no brain to damage." Harry snorts, joining them with his purchases from the apothocary that Remus shrinks and pops into the bottomless bag. "Where to next?"

"Parchment and ink now that the Weasleys have their supplies."

"Muggle pencils and ink pens?"

"We've both got boxes of them and reams of paper for our non-magical assignments." Harry says. "I need a new fountain pen and quills though." Remus nods as they walk inside, getting the supplies both students need. This year Hermione won't need to have somebody get her more parchment by keeping to the required length.

"You two used to be friends with Ron and you're still close to the twins and Ginny. What do they have planned for the future?"

"Ron." Hermione huffs. "Still plans on leading the Chudley Cannons to glory, he fully expects somebody to show up with a contract to play the second he's of age. . .starting position of course." Hermione says sarcastically.

"Oh of course." Sirius drawls as Remus smirks.

"Despite the fact that he's yet to play quidditch for a house team. The no first years rule might have been waived for Harry by the teachers, but not Won-Won." Hermione smirks evilly. "The twins really want to open a joke shop to rival Zonkos." The two Marauders nod. They'd had Harry 'innocently' drop a few names around the twins and had the twins all but crawling behind them holding their robes that summer. The fact that they'd been able to get some potions training in also had made the twins pretend to swoon.

"Ginny wants to work at the Ministry in the mysteries department after what happened with her with the diary. Especially after Dumbledore tried to downplay everything and Madam Bones had landed on him like a sack of hammers."

"Not a sack of shite?" Sirius smirks.

"Once you wipe the crap out of your eyes and wash up, you forget the lesson. The lingering bruises and broken bones from the hammers remind you." Harry snorts.

"And you get lectured by Poppy for hammers, you get laughed at for shit." Hermione says with a smirk.

The next couple of weeks pass quickly and making sure they have everything Hermione and Harry start putting everything away in their usual compartment of the Hogwarts express, the basket of sandwiches, tarts, and fresh fruit going under a seat. Neville, Susan Bones, and Luna Lovegood join them in the compartment as the Weasleys run to catch the train.

"Harry, spot me a couple galleons so I can get some frogs when the snack lady comes around?" Ron asks, sticking his head in the door. "I'll return it when I get my allowance."

"Everybody already knows you're not getting an allowance, Ronald."

"Was Ron here?" Ginny asks, poking her head into the compartment a few minutes later.

"Yes, he wanted Harry to spot him a couple galleons for chocolate. He claimed that he'd pay him back when he got his allowance." Luna says.

Ginny snorts. "Ron isn't getting an allowance and even if he was it would take him weeks to pay Harry back. Mum's been laying down the law and Ron's not happy. Hermione, if he asks about your first year notes, tell him no. We took them away, he's got to take his own notes this year. Not that he will."

"Did the healers at St. Mungo's find any damage from Lockhart trying to oblivate Ron with his broken wand?"

"No, Mum had hoped that that might have been an excuse for Ron's problems but he'd already failed all his classes the year before that." Ginny heads back to her compartment where the others are waiting and soon enough a sneering Draco arrives to play taunt the Potter and gets his ass handed to him by the others, sending him running off vowing that they'd be in trouble when he tells his father about this.

"Stupid prick." Hermione snorts before the wagon comes around and they start digging into their baskets of food. The boys head outside as they get near Hogsmeade so the girls can change, then the girls head out so the boys can change and they head to the carriages.

Ron's stomach is grumbling by the time the new firsties are sorted into houses and he eagerly dives into the food when it appears on the table. It had been hours since he'd eaten on the train, and even then it had only been a half-dozen sandwiches, three apples, and two tarts. Why hadn't Harry given him the money for chocolate? It wasn't fair. Harry had plenty of money.

"Mr. Weasley, you'll be meeting Headmaster Dumbledore and the teachers tomorrow morning after breakfast to talk about your classes." Professor McGonagall says as she comes to the table after the meal to escort the students to the Gryffindor tower.

Ron's stomach is rumbling when he settles into 'his' seat in the Transfiguration class the first morning of classes, absently letting one rip as Professor McGonagall lounges on her desk like she does the first class every year.

The student behind him wrinkles her nose then covers her mouth with her hand, making a gagging noise as she rushes for the door. Ron ignores her and farts again, the second firstie behind him faints at his magnificence. Of course it has to be his magnificence, ignoring the x's over the eyes and the lily in his hand that rapidly turns black and disintegrates. Some people are such drama queens. He farts again, this time sending the rest of the first year students running from the room. One brave soul grabs the downed student's robe and drags him out of the room,.

"Mr. Weasley, what do you think you are doing?" Professor McGonagall screams from the doorway after returning to human.

"Farting." Ron says in complete stupid honesty. "I don't think that last sausage agreed with my stomach."

"Mr. Weasley go see Headmaster Dumbledore at once. Detention cleaning the pens for Hagrid for three months. And two hundred and fifty thousand points from your house for your making a mockery of the first day of class." Professor McGonagall points a finger down the hallway and Ron trudges out of the classroom, farting again. "Misty, please take Mr. Watkins to Madam Pomfrey. And is there anything we can do about the classroom?"

A house elf pops into the hallway, going into the classroom and throwing open windows and casting cleaning spells before hurriedly running out. "No Miss kitty. What's happened? This not potion."

"No, this is Mr. Weasley." Professor McGonagall sighs. "Everybody, ten points for grabbing your bags as you ran and fifteen points for dragging your classmate out of the room Mr. James."

"Professor," a bold student asks. "Are. . .the points you took from him . . .?"

"Stand Miss Landers. The Gryffindor hourglass has already been updated. Misty, will we be able to have transfiguration today in the classroom?" A frantically shaking head.

"Tomorrow?" More shaking. "This week?" Professor McGonagall moans. "This month?" The elf shrugs this time.

"Class, I'm sorry for this disturbance. Transfiguration is canceled today, read the first chapter in your books and be prepared to work next period when we have a different classroom to work in."

"Why do I have detention?" Ron whined as he trudges down a hallway. "All I did was answer Professor McGonagall. It's not my fault that last sausage didn't agree with me."

"What did that damn fool do now?" Albus moans as the small hourglass in his office changes to show the updated total. An alert has the gargoyle moving and he winces as he smells Ron letting one rip on the moving staircase before he comes into the office.

"I don't know why I'm here." Ron starts bleating immediately as he comes into the office, farting again. The patronus Minerva sends out a few minutes later telling Albus what had happened has him glaring at Ron. Ron stares back at him but finally has to look away as Albus lists his punishments.

"But all I did was answer her question." He continues to bleat as he walks to his next class.

That afternoon Albus has Percy Weasley, Cornelius Fudge, and a woman who looks like a toad in a pink sweater introduced as Madam Delores Umbridge in his office talking about the tri-wizard tournament announcement that would be made at dinner.

Fawkes makes a whimpering noise when the three leave his office.

"I agree Fawkes, Cornelius is a fool, Weasley is a boot-licking toady, and I will never be able to see the color pink without shuddering." Albus pops a lemon drop in his mouth and closes his eyes, relaxing until dinner.

"What do you mean there's no quidditch this year?" Ron howls at dinner.

"Shut up idiot." His sister snaps. "You've got us so far in the red our great grandchildren will be in the negative and all you can care about is quidditch. And what the hell do you care, you can't play."

The news of the tri-wizard tournament has Ron beaming, he fully intends to put his name in the goblet. Dragon pox on anybody who tells him he's too young, they're just jealous that he's a virile young man and winning the tri-wizard tourny will both get all the major teams interested in him, he'll listen to their pitches and then break the news to them that he's going to be playing for the Cannons and with his own money he can eat all the chocolate he wants without Mum and Dad saying anything.

"Two hundred and fifty thousand points Minerva, really?" Albus asks at the teacher meeting after dinner that night. "Wasn't that a little excessive?"

"You didn't smell that classroom Albus. And the little twit just sat there like it should be obvious that he was farting there instead of heading for a bathroom or . . .god forbid, not eating so bloody fricking much." McGonagall says, her Scots dander rising. "I had to cancel all my classes today, the classroom reeks and the elves don't know when it can be habitable again."

"I refused to allow him in class today." Severus says. "His noxious emissions combined with the fires under the cauldrons might bring down the school. While Weasley would be no great loss, the other students have promising lives ahead of them."

"You realize that Weasley intends to put his name in the Goblet despite his age." Albus says.

"Well of course. . ." Minerva's 'duh' is unspoken but obvious to anybody who knows her and Albus suspects she's added a 'wee nip' to her tea. "He thinks this will make him as famous as the boy who lived and give him a shoehorn in any quidditch team he wants. After today, I don't doubt there's a lineup of students willing to put his name in the goblet."

"Are we positive that Weasley will be chosen?" Filius asks.

"Well it's not like you were fooled into hiring a death eater who's pretending to be one of your oldest friends as a DADA teacher who will put Mr. Potter's name in the Goblet Albus." McGonagall says, glaring at Albus. "Of course you didn't and you had no intentions of splitting Mr. Potter away from the support of his fellow Gryffindors by forcing him to compete by telling him he'd lose his magic even though the bloody goblet can easily be reignited and new names pulled. After all no Gryffindor worth his house would dare disbelieve one of their fellow housemates when he says he didn't do it instead of 'oh you have to be in it for the glory. Would you?" She glares first at Albus then at Alastor down the table. In a motion known to every parent in the muggle world, she points first at her eyes, then at Moody.

"Minerva, house points are supposed to be a rallying point for students."

"Albus, nobody gives a rat's bloody frigging arse about the house points." Minerva snaps. "My Gryffindors are united in wanting to beat Ron Weasley to death for his stupidity, and that especially applies to his brothers and sister. And it's not like Severus wouldn't have tried to take that many points because he's a bastard anyway. Oh Severus, how is the loss of Potter, Granger, and Longbottom affecting your fourth year students?"

"Draco was heartbroken he couldn't throw something in Longbottom's cauldron to ruin his potion. He tried the other Gryffindor's and didn't have any luck and trying it with his housemates would have gotten the little brat's arse handed to him by the others." Snape smirks. Various versions of 'awww, poor baby' echo around the table.

"And Miss Granger's problem with exceeding her essays?"

"Once she figured out that 'yes, you will be punished for exceeding the length we gave you. You were told this repeatedly but 'oh no teacher would dare take points away for that' she started buckling down." Minerva says. "Her work over the summer was spot on." The other teachers who assigned work over the summer nod. "I believe her mother threatening to beat her bloody for being a stupid prat who can't follow orders might have had something to do with that."

"And Mr. Weasley?"

"Wouldn't do schoolwork during the summer without his mother threatening him even if his life depended on it." Snape snorts. The other teachers nod. "Even if he hadn't failed all his classes, he'd put it off until the last possible second and is one of those students who is working on an assignment until it is due."

"Minerva, you were a little harsh taking points."

"Oh blow it out your bloody arse Albus, if you think I'm wrong you can teach the little bastard yourself. And it's not like it's true, any house points taken from him will be magically returned to the Gryffindors by the end of the year by the Headmaster. The hourglasses in your office show the real totals. You've just got some pull your thumb out and come up with a reasonable excuse for giving the students so many points by the leaving feast. You're just mad you can't twinkle your eyes and make it all go away like you want. . .because you're the great Albus Dumbledore."

Albus makes a mental note to hide the scotch before the next teacher meeting.

RONALD BILIUS WEASLEY, YOU DON'T SIT IN CLASS ALL BUT SHITTING YOURSELF BECAUSE 'THE LAST SAUSAGE DIDN'T AGREE WITH MY STOMACH!'!! The howler explodes in front of Ron the next morning. They called his parents about that? How petty are they?

After a good ten minutes of screeching. . .that Ron tunes out because he's too busy eating his second round of breakfast, the Howler explodes. Ron continues to eat, blithely thinking the disgusted looks everybody is giving him is for the teachers contacting his parents. Of course he can't have done anything wrong.

The rest of the week passes mostly peacefully, except for Ron skipping Astronomy because the class was too late, he needed his beauty sleep if he was going to look good for the photographers he was sure would be arriving at the school when his name was brought out from the Goblet during the ceremony. He'd even gone to the trouble of showering while the schools were arriving, after all who cares about flying horses pulling wagons or a boat coming up out of the middle of the lake.

"Mr. Weasley, the Headmaster wishes a word with you." Professor McGonagall sighs when she comes into the common room. Leading him to the office, she takes a seat.

"Mr. Weasley, why did you skip Astronomy last night?"

"It was late and I was tired. I needed my beauty sleep to look good for tonight's ceremony, the Prophet will have to be covering lighting the Goblet and the names coming out. I'm sure they'll be taking pictures of me along with whoever is picked from the other two schools. And Professor Sinistra got upset the last time I connected the dots on the others star maps. She threatened to throw me off the Astronomy Tower if I did it again." He smirks, sure that that's going to get the teacher yelled at. Why are they giving him dirty looks, don't they know he wants them yelling at her? He pouts and stomps his foot. After getting more detentions he is sent back to his Tower and drops onto a couch in the common room, huffing as he crosses his arms over his chest. Glaring at the wall for a long moment before going to the owlery. His Mummy will hear about this.

RONALD BILIUS WEASLEY, HOW DARE YOU COMPLAIN ABOUT PUNISHMENT FROM A TEACHER BECAUSE OF YOUR GOOFING OFF AND CUTTING CLASSES. I THOUGHT I RAISED YOU BETTER THAN THAT!!! Molly's threats on Ron's wellbeing continue for twenty minutes before the howler explodes. The students from the other schools blink while Hogwarts students unplug their ears and the teachers sigh while Ron continues shoveling food into his stomach. After dinner he's nearly dancing in his seat as Dumbledore talks about the tri-wizard tournament and makes an elaborate gesture of lighting the goblet.

"And for Hogwarts, Ron Weasley."

"YES!" Ron starts dancing on the table as the students file out and Professor McGonagall has to put him in a body-bind before he can join the other champions in the other room.

"So does this mean I get my own rooms? After all, as Hogwart Champion I can't be bothered by the others in the dorm."

"No Mr. Weasley, you'll still be rooming in Gryffindor Tower." Albus sighs.

"Hem, hem, where is Mr. Weasley?" A voice from the doorway asks, interrupting the potions class and making cauldrons explode.

"Madam. . ." Professor Snape sneers. "You just ruined two hours of very delicate work. The sign that says 'Do NOT Disturb' is on the doorway so this doesn't happen. Whatever made you think that that couldn't possibly apply to you? Everybody, clear up your stations and get out. We'll have to do this after dinner." After the last student has left he turns on Madam Umbridge and tears strips out of her hide with his tongue without raising his voice.

"And why would you come into my fourth year classroom asking about Mr. Weasley?" he sneers.

"He's a fourth year student."

"No he is not. He is a first year student for the fourth time."

"Excuse me, are you trying to say he failed the first year?"

"Three times, with this year looking to make number four."

"You cannot possibly be serious. I'm going to go talk to Headmaster Dumbledore about this."

Snape waves and smirks behind her back before he sends a complaint to the Ministry about her actions. Taking magical pictures he sends off a bill for the damages that is also sent to Albus before he heads to his office to grade papers and potions.

"What do you mean he's not a fourth year student?"

"Mr. Weasley is repeating the first year for his third time He feels that schoolwork is beneath him and being the Hogwarts champion means he doesn't have to attend classes so we fully expect him to fail a fourth time."

"But that's impossible, you never said anything like that in your reports."

"Oh yes I did, every year we send a report to the Ministry if a student has failed all their classes and must repeat a year. Mr. Weasley's name has been on that list since his first year."

"Well, we'll see about that." She huffs and floos the Ministry for the report, getting the reports for five years and finding that yes, Dumbledore had been reporting his failing the first grade.

"Call a meeting after dinner of your teachers, obviously you can't teach him." She huffs off.

"So since you seem unable to deal with the boy, I will be taking over his teaching for the rest of the year. And we will have an independent auditor come to give him his tests so you can't fail him out of spite. I'm also having the same auditor sitting in the classes, you'll be sorry." Umbridge flounces off and once the door is shut and locked securely Minerva whoops, followed seconds later by the others.

"No we won't. . . Bitch."

"Minerva, really. Your language." Filius pretends to be shocked. McGonagall had told the others in no uncertain terms how she felt about the woman from the Ministry after meeting her earlier last summer when Fudge had come up with the 'grand' idea of reviving the tri-wizard tournament. "How can we expect the students to act like young ladies and gentlemen when you talk like a common football hooligan?"

"Your pardon Filius, you are absolutely right. My humble apologies Ladies and Gentlemen, I meant to say No we won't Sucker. Now you've got to deal with 'why should I pay attention to my classes. I'm going to lead the Chudley Cannons back to glory' Weasley." The rest of the teachers laugh. "Okay, who's got the betting book. How long it will take the stomach that walks to drive her off. Double the money if she ends up in St. Mungo."

"How long it takes her to snap and hex him? Again double the money if she ends up in Azkaban." Snape says. Professor Sprout nods and writes that down as various coins come out of pockets or are summoned and dropped into a jar.

"How long it takes him to start strutting around like a peacock about not having to go to classes anymore than whining to his mother when he's still got to work?"

"Sucker bet." Nodding heads. "How many howlers Molly sends him this year because he's done something stupid. . .as usual or went whining to her about being punished?" Numbers are written down and money goes in the pot.

"Who's handling the betting among the students?"

"The Weasley twins."

"Are we setting aside an empty classroom for them?"

"Yes, that way he can keep all his books and supplies there."

Ron whoops and starts dancing in the Great Hall at the news that he doesn't have any more classes. . .until he finds out that he'd be working with Madam Umbridge eight hours a day six days a week. Sniggering from the Gryffindors behind him at their table and he drops into his seat, sulking and barely managing to eat five plates of food.

"Mr. Weasley, where are your books?" Madam Umbridge asks.

"I didn't bring them with me." Ron asks.

"YOU DIDN'T BRING THEM WITH YOU!!!" She screeches. "You knew you'd have class this morning yet didn't bring your books and supplies with you?"

"But carrying my books makes my bag heavy." he whines.

"Mr. Weasley, go to your dorm and get all your books then come back here. We will be working in an empty classroom since the staff doesn't seem interested in teaching you."

Fifteen minutes after Ron has brought out all his books and set them up on a shelf.

"Mr. Weasley, where are your supplies? You cannot work without parchment, ink, and a quill."

"Umm, you didn't tell me to bring those."

Madam Umbridge sends him back to his dorm for the supplies. Once those are brought in and set up there's another problem."

"Mr. Weasley, where is your wand?"

"I didn't think I'd need it." He whines.

All Umbridge does is point and he trudges off again, whining that if she wanted him to have all those things for class she should have told him to bring them. Filius is watching him and sniggering. Ron winces as he holds up his wand in the classroom.

"Mr. Weasley, WHAT DID YOU DO TO YOUR WAND?"

"ummmmm, I think I kinda broke it?"

Filius moves into the shadows as Umbridge drags Ron to the Headmaster's office, steam is nearly pouring out of her ears. The Gargoyle moves and she drags him into the office, plucking his wand from his hand and throwing it onto Dumbledore's desk.

"Mr. Weasley broke his wand."

"Oh not again."

"Again? He's had a broken wand before?"

"Yes, this is his second wand at the school he had a mishap with the Whomping Willow and broke his wand nearly in half, using spellotape to hold it together. The wand didn't work quite the way he wanted. His father brought him a new wand what would have been his third year out of the winnings from the Prophet draw." He looks at the wand in front of him, it's got deep scratches from the tip nearly to the base of the wand, it's covered in strange food stuff, and . . . is that teethmarks?

"Do I have your permission to take him to Ollivander's to have it repaired or replaced?" Albus nods and sends her through the floo to the Leaky Cauldron.

The scream from Ollivander has various people looking that way, who knew the old man could swear like that?

"What did you do to your wand?" He screeches. The tip is discolored a dark orange and smells faintly.

"Umm, I kinda used it to scratch myself, I get a fierce itch. . .down there once in a while."

"There is a cure for that, it's called bathing regularly." He says dryly. "Continue."

"The teethmarks are from Scabb. . .errr, Peter Pettigrew. The claw marks are from one of the Gryff cats, he was chasing Scabbers. I might not have cleaned it too well, too much eating while I'm doing schoolwork. . .and can you believe Professor McGonagall complained about food stains on the work I turned in . . ."

"The nerve of her." Ollivander says sarcastically. Of course that flies right over Ron's head.

"I know. It's not my fault I have to do my homework over breakfast, it's the only time I have to work on it."

"And the reason it's broke?"

"It's not broke, it's just kinda . . .bent?" Ron says dubiously. "I kinda had it in my back pocket and sat on it."

"These are not rat teethmarks." Madam Umbridge says.

"Ummm yeah, I was kinda hoping you wouldn't see those. I was hungry one night and thought it was the week old sausage I had stuffed under my pillow for a midnight snack. I'd taken from breakfast. It wasn't until I tried chewing that I realized it was my wand. Sorry." The two look at him. "It was the middle of the night and I woke up hungry."

"Mr. Ollivander, we'll need a new wand for Mr. Weasley. Having you doing the weighing of the wands would be a disgrace."

'Beyond having Ron 'I failed my first year three times and I'm proud of it' Weasley as Hogwarts champion?' Ollivander thinks. "No."

"WHAT?" she screeches.

"You heard me NO. I refuse to sell another wand to Ronald Weasley. My wands are well-made hand-crafted masterpieces. He's destroyed two wands in barely four years."

"Mister Ollivander, be reasonable."

"I am being reasonable, Madam." He says icily. "I could refuse to sell to any members of the Weasley family now and for all time because they might be buying them for Ronald, I am only refusing to sell to him."

"I can force you to sell to him."

"No you cannot Madam, I will close down my business and nobody will be getting any wands or supplies. And I will tell everybody why I am shutting down. You will be crucified." She turns white, then red, then storms out of the building dragging Ron by the hand.

"But I wanna stop for candy." he hears Ron whining through the open door before it shuts. A few minutes later Madam Malkin taps on the door and comes in "What happened?"

"This is the wand I sold to Arthur Weasley for his son last year." Madam Malkin looks at the wand on the counter and winces as Ollivander throws a pinch of floo powder in the fire and contacts the Ministry. Arthur comes into the building ten minutes later, Molly a step behind him. They look the direction Ollivander is pointing and Molly screams. Madam Malkin heads back to her store, after the rush of students getting supplies Diagon Alley is quiet. The story will be all over within a couple hours.

"What the hell happened to Ron's wand?"

"The stains at the tip are from . . .scratching at delicate areas because they itched." Ollivander sneers. "If he bathed more, they might not itch. The small teethmarks are from your former pet Scabbers. The scratches are from one of the cats in Gryffindor tower, the human teethmarks are from Ron mistaking his wand for a week old sausage he saved from breakfast. It was the middle of the night and he was hungry. It was only when he tried to chew that he realized it was his wand. The food stains is from the fact that he always did his schoolwork at breakfast, probably because the assignment was due after breakfast."

"Because god forbid he start his schoolwork when it is actually assigned." Molly says, getting a full head of steam up. "And the reason it's broke?"

"Oh, it's not broke. It's just kinda bent, your son's own words. He stuck it in his back pocket and accidentally sat on it. More than once from the look of it."

"Why was he here?"

"One of the Ministry people wanted me to sell him a new wand, it was a disgrace that the Hogwarts Champion had a wand that looked like that. I refused, I take pride in my work even if he doesn't."

"I understand, I'm sorry my son is a complete and utter jackass about his belongings. You'd have thought that after breaking his first wand he's take care of this one."

"But if I break this one, I don't have to do my schoolwork." Ollivander says in a sing-song voice. "Molly, your other children are wonders. . .even if Percy does have a broomstick shoved up his bloody arse. It's not your fault that your youngest son is a stupid berk. Anyway when she tried to force me to sell him another wand I told her I would close the store and nobody would have wands. She stormed off in a huff with your son whining because he wanted candy. I know you didn't drop him on his head when he was a baby Molly, you're too good a mother."

"No, he's just a lazy git." A tap on the door brings Luna Lovegood's father and a reporter from the Prophet into the building and the story is told again. Pictures of the wand are taken and the promises of the story being on the front page tomorrow has Ollivander smirking.

"Let's see the Ministry try to force me to sell that little twit a wand now."

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?" Ron yells at the head table after his latest Howler explodes on him. "QUIT GOING WHINING TO MY PARENTS YOU STUPID BERKS! ALL YOU'RE DOING IS MAKING IDIOTS OUT OF YOURSELVES!!!!" Ron's rant about how the teachers are stupid for tattling to his parents goes on about ten minutes somebody finally hexes the idiot.

"Mr. Rogers please, he must return to your dorm." Professor McGonagall sighs later that night.

"Hell no." the first year Gryffindor says. "This is a petition from every student in the tower, that twit does not come back to Gryffindor. He will be beaten to death for his stupidity if he does."

"I believe his parents have already beat you to that." Professor McGonagall smiles slightly. Arthur and Molly had not been pleased to hear of Ron's rant in the Great Hall and were 'talking' to him right now.

In a room in Hogwarts, Albus had made sure that the room for Ron and Madam Umbridge was not only in a different floor but another section of the castle Harry, Hermione, and Neville are working on a potion while the twins work on another. Like the three younger they were taking their NEWTS early for potions

"Are you sure about going for your History of Magic as well as Potion OWLS over the Christmas break?" Sirius asks.

"It's not like Binns teaches anything beyond the fucking Goblin Rebellion in his class."

"True."

"We already study outside of class if we want to pass the OWL because the school's too lazy or stupid to hire a real teacher for the class. Do they even pay him or just roll the pay over into a fund to pay for all the food Ron Weasley eats."

"Probably, I know Albus was stunned when he had to pay Remus last year."

"And with being on record taking our OWLS then we can legally skip out of the Ball being held for the Tri-Wizard tournament. Ron's going to be demanding Hermione attend as his date because after all the whole fucking world revolves around the moron. When somebody tells him no he whines and complains."

"True." Fred says. Around Remus and Sirius, the twins have stopped their usual nonsense over their names. "Mum's laying down the law this year and ickle Ronniekin's not liking it at all."

"Little twit should have concentrated on his schoolwork and tests then, instead of goofing off all the time. Hermione helped him for two years before we realized he's a lazy git with no intention of working hard for everything he wants, he expects everybody to hand it to him on a silver platter just because he's alive. Like Malfoy." Nods from the others in the room.

"So, has Percy deigned to talk to you yet?" The elder Weasley brother had returned to the school earlier that day to talk to the Headmaster about preparations needed for the tournament.

"No, the prat doesn't want to be reminded he didn't form fully grown from a rulebook." George snorts.

"What are we going to do about Weasley's lack of a wand?" Cornelius asks in the Headmaster's office. He'd flooed there immediately after the special editions of the Prophet and Quibbler had been delivered. The backlash had been stunning, but against the Ministry for daring to threaten a shopowner instead of against Ollivander like Fudge had expected. Refusing to sell to a student, what does that man think he's doing?

"There are other wand makes Cornelius, we have floo calls out to them requesting audiences, in the meantime I'm sure the Ministry has a number of wands that have been taken from criminals. Knockturn Alley has a store that sells used wands."

"You can't expect us to take a young, impressionable student to Knockturn Alley." Madam Umbridge screeches.

"You're not, you're taking Ron 'I'm too stupid to live but haven't died yet' Weasley." the sorting hat snorts from the bookshelf. "The boy is by no means impressionable. Stupid yes, impressionable no."

Fudge stares at the sorting hat. The hat blows him a raspberry.

"Minerva, please quit giving the hat firewhiskey before Cornelius arrives. You know it makes him mouthy." Albus sighs when he slides into his seat at dinner.

"OOOOPPPPSSSSS." McGonagall says with a smirk.

"And where is Mr. Weasley? He's usually eating like a pig at a trough by now." Snape sneers. "It's not like him to be late to a meal."

"NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! You can't do this to me. It's . .INHUMANE!!!!" Ron howls that night. He'd been shown to a room. . .at first he'd been thrilled to find out he was getting his own suite. Yes, go Hogwarts Champion. But the door hadn't opened when he wanted to go to dinner and he'd found a note saying that he had three essays to work on that were due the end of the week and he'd best get to work on them. But to make sure he didn't get hungry, the elves had left him a plate. One single plate. That's not even a snack. He'll starve before he can go to breakfast. He throws himself at the door only to crash into the wall.

"Dobby!" he howls. Harry's crazy house elf has to come save him.

"I'm no longer your best friend Harry. I'm going to shun you for not sending your House Elf. Do you. . ." Ron's rant is cut off by a fist in his face and another in his gut.

"Shut the bloody fucking hell up you whining git." Hermione snorts, standing over him with Ginny. She's the one who'd punched him in the stomach. "Nobody gives a flaming fart about you and your problems. Harry has never been your friend, you're a damn leech who latched onto him to use his fame as the boy-who-lived to make yourself rich and famous. You're no better than Malfoy in that manner. He at least is honest in his attempts to use Harry." Ron tries to get up and Ginny steps on him.

"But they locked me in a room without any food." He whines. "I could have starved to death. And you didn't . . ."

"Mr. Weasley, quit your histrionics. You were not denied food, the house elves left you a plate of food." Dumbledore thunders from the head table. "You are just upset because it was not the usual eight plates of food you consume for dinner. It is not Mr. Potter's job to feed you whenever you are hungry. My office. . .now."

"But I'm hungry, I only had one plate for breakfast." Ron whines as a house elf leads him away.

"Stupid, foolish child." Snape sighs. "Do you think he actually got any work done?" He asks McGonagall.

"Of course not, he was too busy whining about how he was hungry." she says, rolling her eyes. "Because the little twit has to eat as much as three people as many times a day as he can." She stands up and everybody looks her direction.

"Will the following students please stay in the Great Hall after breakfast. Classes today are cancelled for you, a student will be getting notes and assignments for you. We have a special guest arriving today to talk to you." She starts calling out names, everybody can see that all the houses but Slytherin are represented, the list consists of muggleborn, half-blood, and pureblood students.

"Students, who can tell me why we want to bring new blood into our culture?" The healer who's conducting the lecture asks. This is the first of three lectures planned for the students, she'd already had to nix that moron Fudge's plans to waltz in and have everybody bask in his magnificence as somebody talks about a future in the ministry. Not that any of it is the truth, the muggleborn students have already learned the truth about their chances of advancing through the ranks at the Ministry. Fudge had huffed, puffed, and all but stomped his feet and held his breath until he turned blue but with it all being the truth there was nothing he could do. And all his attempts to 'fix' the matter was just making things worse.

"Because otherwise by marrying our cousins we keep getting the breeding pool smaller and smaller until we have Ronald Weasley?" A scamp in the back of the room yells.

"You realize that's my brother right?" Ginny yells to the back of the room without turning around.

"Yeah, but you and the twits. .. err twins are the exception to the rule."

"You were right the first time." She calls back, getting laughter from everybody else in the room. "Bill and Charlie turned out fine, Percy just needs to yank the broomstick out of his arse."

"Or move it, he might enjoy it." Somebody else smirks. Professor McGonagall moans as the room erupts in laughter. She should be taking points left, right, and center but this isn't officially a class session so she can't.

"Gin, you ever realize that your brothers Percy and Ron really are a lot alike?" Hermione asks.

"You have got to be fucking kidding me. How are they alike?"

"They both think they're better than everybody else, the only differences are that Percy is as bad as Hermione about studying and getting good grades while Ron doesn't give a damn. And Percy is ambitious while Ron is lazy. Percy plans on being Minister one day while Ron plans on leading the Chudley Cannons to glory. They've both had their futures laid out nearly from the beginning, though only perfect Percy realizes that it's going to be a lot of hard work."

"While Ron expects everything to be handed to him on a silver platter because he's alive." Ginny sighs and nods. "Yeah, I see what you mean now. Percy would be heartbroken to be compared to Ron." She sniggers. The twins cackle and McGonagall sighs again, she knows she'll be getting a call from Molly tonight since the twins will be tormenting Percy while he's at school. Not that the little prig doesn't deserve everything he gets she thinks sourly.

The healer pulls their attention back to her.

"The pureblood student population has been falling rapidly, in two generations there might not be any pureblood students in the school."

"And of course they'd never allow new blood into their precious families." Ginny snorts. "Take Crabbe and Goyle for example, I don't expect either of them to have magical children unless they married a half-blood or muggleborn." Nods from the other students.

"And with the lack of jobs and opportunity in the wizarding world, there's not any muggleborn or half-bloods staying on unless they're already got jobs or plans for the future already lined up. Even those who have family responsiblities can do that from the muggle world."

"Albus, what will happen when there are no more pureblood students at Hogwarts?" Minerva asks that night after dinner.

"The same thing we're already doing Minerva, teaching the students though the non-magical classes won't be hidden anymore. In the ideal world I'd love to see our muggle-born students be able to be accepted by any university without having to explain why they haven't been in a traditional school for the last seven years."

"And the outside world?"

"I fear we're going to be seeing the ministry fail in the next couple of generations, pureblood families are getting older and their influence is beginning to wane. Their practice of not encouraging muggle-borns to climb higher in the ranks and openly discouraging them from staying on the job is leading to their downfall."

"And we're just as bad."

"I'm afraid so, we cannot keep a DADA teacher, History is a joke with Binns continually lecturing about the Goblin rebellion, and Muggle studies . . . The muggle students refuse to take that class, the teacher wouldn't know a muggle if it bit them."

"We really need a muggle-born student to come back and teach it. Or a half-blood who has lived in the muggle world."

"Really Minerva," Snape rolls his eyes. "Why not go all out and have a muggle teach the class?"

"Don't be surprised if that eventually happens Severus." Filius says. "Changing the subject, has Mr. weasley made good his threat to 'shun' Mr. Potter since he's no longer his bestest buddy for not saving him from the horror of only eating one plate of food?"

"Indeed he did." Minerva smirks. "He made a big production of ignoring Harry but since everybody was ignoring him, I fear he didn't get the reaction he wanted."

"Where is Mr. Weasley, and Madam Umbridge."

"Madam Umbridge was appalled that Mr. Weasley would ignore her direct instructions to work on his essays in favor of whining about how unfair it was he was only allowed one plate for dinner and is sitting with him in the room to make sure he actually works. She drug him off before dinner so he is no doubt having histrionics again."

"NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"

"Mr. Weasley, sit down and work on your essays. You might have screamed, ranted, and raved until you 'fainted from hunger' last night, you will not be repeating that performance tonight." Madam Umbridge says icily as Ron throws himself at the doorway.

"Mr. Weasley. . .Sit Down!!!" Umbridge snarls. Her fingers are itching to hex him with every curse she knows, then the teachers who have to have known what kind of student he was.

A bucket of ice water over his head stops the hysterics and she glares at him until he walks over to the desk. A drying charm has him ready for work and he sits down. He glares at her and crosses his arms over his chest in defiance.

"I won't do it, and you can't make me."

"Then sit here and starve, the house elves have orders not to feed you unless you have at least a foot done in three essays." She sticks him to the chair and silences him. "I will be back in the morning, if you have completed the work you will be released from your chair so you can shower and get some sleep while I grade your work. If I do not like what I see you will be doing it over." She walks out the door.

Ron glares at her retreating back and continues cussing her out silently. Damn it, it's not fair that she's making him work. Who does she think she is, his mother? He'll show her. He's going to send a letter to his Mum, she'll show that old biddy a thing or two. Of course Mum will go off on the woman, he's her baby boy and she does whatever he wants. . .conveniently forgetting being drug out of his nice warm bed to be made to do makeup work and study for his tests over the last two summers. And if by the offchance that she can't do anything, he'll get Harry and Hermione on her. After all, he's their best mate. They've already forgotten his little explosion this morning. . .haven't they. Yeah, when he walks to the Great Hall they'll be all over him.

He fantasizes about how everybody will rush to him the next morning, that in turns to his legions of fans when he goes pro. In the middle of his legions of groupies chanting his name, he falls asleep. He's woke up by the harpy screaming the following morning.

"About fucking time." He snorts when she releases him from the chair. "I've had to pee all night." he rushes to the bathroom and showers, ignoring the fact that he's wearing the same clothes for the last two days. "Yes." he races through the door she'd left open and runs to the Great Hall for breakfast.

"NNNNOOOOOO!!!!" he screams in mortal anguish when he finds the Great Hall . . .empty. He throws himself at a table but no food appears in front of him. A hand grabs him by the collar and he is drug out of the great hall, Madam Umbridge screeching the whole time as she leads him to the classroom and locks the door.

"Sit down. . .since you're either too lazy or stupid to work on your own I am forced to sit here and watch you. Accio Ron Weasley's essays." Nothing happens. After the third time she tries summoning them she's screaming and Ron presses himself against the wall . . .maybe he should have done something last night instead of sit on his ass. Because that shade of red doesn't look healthy. She makes a sound like Mum's kettle when she's boiling water for tea and he scurries to the door she points at, running ahead of her to the Headmaster's office.

Mum arrives soon afterwards and Madam Umbridge starts screaming, pointing a finger at Ron and calling him a lazy, no-good useless boy who is more concerned about food than doing his schoolwork.

"But Mum," he whines. "They're only giving me one plate of food. That's not a meal. . ."

Now it was his Mum's turn to go off on him . . .and he'd thought Umbridge could screech.

In a classroom a couple floors later the twins and Ginny both jump, looking up at the ceiling and wincing.

"Ms. Weasley?" Professor Flitwick asks.

"Mum's going spare on Ron." She shudders.

"Your mother is at the school?"

"Yeah, and she's not happy with Ron."

The twins are echoing her words in the classroom where they're taking extra history of magic lessons for their NEWTS. Nobody signs up for NEWT level history, knowing that they're not going to get anywhere with Binns as a teacher. Professor Lupin had been hired to teach these supplementary classes, filled with sixth and seventh year students who were going to be taking the history NEWT on their own. With being paid to help with Sirius's tutoring sessions and these, he's making nearly as much money as he would have as a teacher. And the students want to be here. He nods, remembering Molly's screeching at Order of the Phoenix meetings and turns the twins attention back to the matter at hand.

"What do you mean I have to get him a wand? He's your student." Umbridge splutters an hour later after Ron has been sent to his dorm to shower and change the clothing he's been in for three days. Not that he cares.

"Madam, you took the matter of getting him a new wand into your own hands when you took him to Ollivander's. It is not our fault that he's a lazy oik and doesn't take care of his property. But as you've said yourself, the weighing of the wands is next week and he will have to have a wand then."

"Make Ollivander sell him a wand." She pouts from the chair she'd dropped into.

"No."

"Fine. . .I'll have somebody from the Ministry come with a box of wands taken from prisoners for him to try out. You've surely got some old student wands here? Students lose everything else here. . .why not wands?"

"Madam, if it's one thing our students keep. . .it's their wands." Dumbledore says icily.

"Whoops." Ron says as one wand levels the desks in the room they'd taken over. Every other wand he tries either doesn't work or damages everything and Umbridge is nearly crying by the time he's finished the box and the flunky from the ministry checks them off and takes them away. How hard is it to find that idiot a wand?

"But I already missed breakfast, now you want me to miss lunch?" Ron whines.

"You had a sandwich, an apple, and a glass of pumpkin juice. Let's go. I'm going to find you a new wand if it kills me." Umbridge snaps. 'Or I kill you.' she thinks sourly.

"One sandwich. I can't live on one sandwich. Everything's beginning to grow dim. . .the room is spinning. I need. . ." Ron yelps at the ennervate to his ass. "Get. Going." Umbridge growls, pointing to the door. Sulking and rubbing his ass Ron heads for the door. Why won't anybody let him eat a decent meal? It's not fair.

Ron looks around. . .she can't mean to take him to Knockturn, can she? He starts to complain and she hisses at him.

"I do not want to hear about you wanting candy, your being so hungry you're going to faint, or how your Mummy is going to hear about this." She snarls. "Get your ass in the store and start trying out wands."

"Out. . .out. . .OUT!!!" the storeowner screams, kicking both of them out twenty minutes later as Ron starts destroying the store with his attempts to get another wand to work for him. Umbridge starts to complain and the owner glares at her, making her walk off uttering threats about how she was going to make him pay for daring to tell her to leave. Who did that little man think he was?

Ron whines when he's locked back in the room after they return from Hogsmeade without a word, he throws himself onto the bed with his arms behind his head. His stomach starts growling an hour later and he calls out for a house elf but nothing happens. There is a vial on the desk where his plates had been placed though.

"What the . . ." Ron recognizes the vial immediately, it's one of the nutrition potions from the hospital wing. Aren't they even going to feed him tonight? He's whimpering as dinner comes and goes according to his watch but no food appears in the room. He's sssssoooo hungry. The door opens and Madam Umbridge comes in, sitting in a chair and pointing at the desk.

"You can't mean to make me work?" he whimpers. She points at the chair again and he crosses his arms . . .yelping as she moves across the room and grabs him by the ear, twisting it. "Sit your useless arse down in that chair and start working on an essay before I beat you." She hisses. She's not in a good mood, as she'd threatened she'd called in the Aurors to 'deal' with the shopkeeper who'd dared make her leave his store and had been laughed at. Her! Laughed at. How dare they. She'd ordered Bones to put complaints in their records for not doing what she wanted and the Bitch had dared tell her no. Don't they know she's the undersecretary? She'd gone whining to Cornelius, after all he's got to take her side and been told no. She'd had to actually get her hands dirty and curse the annoying man herself. The nerve of people not doing what she wanted. Don't they know she's the undersecretary and will be taking over as Minister just as soon as Cornelius hands the reins of power over to her. They'll be lining up to kiss her feet when she becomes Minister of Magic.

Ron is ennervated five times as he tries to nod off in the chair instead of doing any work and he's whining for food.

"But I'm hungry."

"Drink your damn potion and get back to work."

"But it's the middle of the night."

"The first year astronomy students haven't left their dorms yet."

"But this is . . ." A hex has him yelping as he tries to get away and just ends up hitting his leg on the table.

"But I've been working forever and I'm sssssoooooo hungry."

"Drink the damn potion before I pour it down your throat and you choke on it."

Ron gulps at the look of absolute hatred in her eyes, popping the vial open and drinking it in one gulp.

"Good, now get back to work." She goes back to filling out the paperwork for an international portkey to a wandmaker in Ireland. The quill stops scratching on the parchment and she hexes him without looking.

The next morning she silences him when she drags him out of the room, handing him another potion before they go to the Headmaster's office where Percy sneers at his brother and hands her the portkey.

"No, I refuse." The wandmaker she drags him to says, arms crossed over her chest. It would be more impressive if she wasn't barely five feet tall and heavily pregnant.

"But you have to." She bleats.

"No I do not have to sell to you. I trained with Ollivander. He told all of his former students what Ronald Weasley had done and we're all refusing to sell to him."

"Okay, where do I have to go to get somebody to sell to me? He's got to have a wand by next week."

"There's a store that sells used wands down the alley, if you don't find one there try Bulgaria. The United States has stores where you can have wands made to order by choosing the foci, they're not as good as our wands but they'd work."

Madam Umbridge drags Ron off again. Three long hours later and ten repair and cleaning spells leaves Ron still without a wand and having a fit in the middle of the road about not getting anything to eat. Doesn't that fool woman know he's hungry? And everything smells ssssssoooooo good. She silences and immobilizes him before putting the portkey in his frozen hand and triggering it once she's touching it too.

Ron is silently screaming when Madam Umbridge walks to the Great Hall, letting him see everybody eating dinner.

"I am going to release you, after dinner you will be working on your remaining essays then I have potions assignments for you." She releases him and he immediately runs to the Gryffindor table, finding a spot on the end and starting to shovel his food in.

Severus is sniggering silently in his office as he hears Weasley whining about 'it's late, I should be sleeping' as Madam Umbridge drags him into the potions classroom.

"These three potions. You have two hours to make them." She sits in the chair and glares at him as he looks at the parchment in front of him, then yelps when she hexes him.

"Get.To.Work.NOW!" She says through gritted teeth. He sulks for a minute. . .crossing his arms over his chest. An object impacts with his head.

"You hit me." he whines.

"And I'm going to hit you again if you don't GET TO FUCKING WORK." Ron starts to complain but Umbridge glares at him. "If you don't start working in five seconds I am going to beat you like a rug." She conjures a beater bat.

"You can't do that." He yelps.

"Yes I can."

"But you're a teacher. . ."

"No, I'm not. I'm the fool woman who thought that your teachers were incompetent and that's why you're repeating the first year for the third time. Instead they're saints for not having beaten you to death for being too stupid to live years ago." In his silenced room Snape cackles.

"I'm going to tell my Mummy you threatened me." he bleats like a billy goat.

"If your Mum doesn't know you're stupid after failing your first year three times you come by your stupidity honestly." She snorts. "Now. . .get to work." He starts to argue and she lifts the beater bat in a threatening move and he sullenly starts getting to work. In his office Snape grins, maybe instead of flowing robes intimidation he should think of 'beat your stupid ass to death' intimidation tactics with the more annoying students. No, he thinks with a sigh, it wouldn't be for Albus's precious 'greater good'.

"I don't like this." Ron whines.

"I don't care if you're so miserable you turn blue with pink and purple polka dots, do it anyway." Umbridge snaps.

Ron whines, whimpers, complains, and threatens to leave the entire two hours. The minute he'd actually started for the door she'd held the bat again and he'd subsided gracelessly. By the end of the two hours there's three vials in front of her.

"Are you going to grade these?" She asks Snape when he comes out of his office.

"Weasley is your student Madam, as a personal tutor you should at least have an idea of what you're doing."

"But I'm not a potions expert." She bleats. "I don't even know what these are supposed to look like."

"That is not my fault Madam. But to make it easier to you, the ministry offers a service for home-schooled students where you can send in potions to be graded." He writes down an owl address. "For twenty galleons they will sell you a container to send them off to be examined, after a week you will get the results back. Each potion you send in is two knuts."

"Will the school pay for it?"

"Why should the school pay for it Madam? After all they already have a potions master on the payroll. You will need to make sure the potions are clearly labeled and the student has to write down what they did when they prepared the potions. None of which you did tonight."

"You mean I gotta do this again?" She wails. "Wait, the Potter brat is taking his potions classes by personal tutor. I can make them grade them."

"Not likely, the man tutoring them is Sirius Black, who you tried to ordered Kissed instead of apprehended, then tried to throw through the veil rather than give a trial because sending an innocent man to Azkaban might make the Ministry look bad."

"Shit."

"I'm going to run away." Ron says in the early morning hours after he's back in the Gryffindor Tower. "Mum and Dad will have to make her stop being so mean to me." Getting up he sneaks out of the room, sneaking out of the door and down the to the kitchen, after all he can't run away on an empty stomach.

"Nnnnoooooo!" he cries out in dismay. The elves have finished their preparations for breakfast. . .there's nobody there. And more importantly. . .there's no food there. How can he run away without food?

Heading to the Great Hall, he leaves a whimpering note about how everybody is being mean to him and how they'll all be sorry before he exits the Great Hall, not looking back.

"Mr. Potter, can you come up here?" Albus asks, reading the note that had been at his place. Harry looks at the other early risers at Gryffindor, this early on a Sunday morning only a handful of students are there. Hermione shrugs at him and he gets up, going over to the head table. Albus, his lips twitching suspiciously, hands the note over to Harry. He reads it, blinks, reads it again, and then cackles.

"Ginny, Fred, George, Ron ran away. Everybody's being mean to him."

Ginny looks over at Harry, then lays her head on the table and cackles. The twins fall off their chairs and roll on the floor.

"How long do you think he'll be gone?"

"Knowing ickle ronnie-kins?" Fred says.

"I give it an hour." George says. "He'll come out looking for food." They say in unison. Everybody else laughs.

"I suppose we should tell Molly and Arthur."

"After breakfast." Minerva says firmly. "He'll probably be back by then because he's hungry." She smirks as Umbit. . .err Umbridge comes into the room. "Your problem child ran away from home because you were mean to him." She hands down the letter, watching the other woman's face turn pale then a dark red that should have had Poppy forcing potions down her throat before she collapsed. . .except she doesn't like the other woman either. A hoarse growl has her flinging the paper towards the others as she stalks out.

"Minerva. . .really." Albus chides. "That wasn't nice."

"No, but it was fun." She smirks. "How was Ron's potions session last night?"

"As usual. She had to force him to stop whining and work, he threatened her with Molly, she told him she was going to beat him like a rug. . .it was beautiful."

"And his potions?"

"Abysmal as usual, I refused to grade them and told her of the service the ministry offers to home-schooled students. She didn't want to pay that kind of money and was planning on forcing Black to grade them for her. . .until she realized she had ordered the man threw through the veil and realized that he might not be inclined to help her." Sniggers from the other teachers. "And that she had to do this all over again since Ron 'I can't be bothered to write anything down' Weasley didn't document his work."

Assorted twitters and snickers from the teachers at the table. Umbridge comes into the Great Hall under a full head of steam, heading outside. She screaming Ron's name and threatening his life as the door closes.

"By the end of breakfast you said?" Albus asks George.

"Yeah, he'll be hungwy, tired, and. . ." George looks up at the ceiling of the Great Hall. "Wet."

"How did the fool expect to get all the way back to the Burrow on foot?"

"But he's ickle Ronnie-kins, everybody has to bend over and kiss his ass." Ginny says in a sing-song voice. "He probably expected the Hogswart Express to be waiting at the train station to take him back to London where he'd head to the Leaky Cauldron and beg a floocall from Tom. Barring that, walk to Hogsmeade and beg a floo call from Madam Rosemarta. He didn't stop to think that either of them might wonder what he's doing home from school . . .alone . .and investigate."

"And of course Mum will immediately swoop him up into her arms, kiss his tired little brow, feed him a big helping nine plate meal, then tuck him up in bed and sing him to sleep. George says mockingly. "She's more likely to whallop him upside the head, screech at him for a couple of hours, then send him back with his tail between his legs."

"Has Umbit. . .err Umbridge. . ." Minerva says firmly. "Said anything about a wand for Weasley? The weighing of the wands is in a couple days and he'll need one for that at least."

"I don't believe that she intends to travel to Bulgaria to get him a wand, but the United States has 'ready-made' wands, all you have to do is assemble them. They're not as competent as a custom-made wand, mostly used for first year students in their schools until they've come into their magic and want a better one."

"And with Weasley's total lack of focus, he won't need another one for a couple of years when he breaks this one." Snape purrs. The others laugh and nod. Sirius comes into the room, looking worriedly at the front table for a minute.

"Do I want to know?" He asks Harry.

"Ron ran away from home because everybody's being mean to him."

"Ahhh gotcha. Molly and Arthur?"

"Going to be called after breakfast. . ."

"Since ickle Ronniekin will come dragging in sooner or later whining he's hungry."

Sirius nods again. "Severus, can I talk to you after breakfast? I got the reports back on the others work and I'm confused about something."

"Bring their potions and the paperwork to my office after breakfast." Sirius nods. "Now, I've got the paperwork for you four to take your tests early. Neville, are you sure you don't want to do it as well?"

"No thank you Lord Black, I know I'm not ready yet, maybe by this summer. Grams is pleased with my progress. Once Professor McGonagall realized I was using a wand that hadn't selected me, she realized what a fool she'd been trying to mold me into my father and let me become my own person."

The door across the room flies open with a crash and a raging Umbridge comes into the room dragging Ron Weasley by the back of his robe. Albus sighs and puts down his napkin, heading for his office to call Arthur and Molly.

"How far did he get?"

"Not even to the edge of the Hogwarts wards. He was cold and hungry and his feet hurt."

"Hey Weasley, if you're running away. . .the general idea is to leave." Draco says mockingly. Everybody in the Great Hall who'd heard Harry tell Ginny Ron had run away or been told by others as they came into the room laugh.

"You RAN AWAY because they were being mean to you?" Molly's face is as red as her hair as she screams at Ron in the headmaster's office.

"But .. ." SLAP.

"You hit me." Ron whines.

"I'm going to beat you within an inch of your life if you ever do anything so stupid again. How damn lazy are you that you have to be hexed to work on even the simplest essays?" Molly rages and Ron looks at his Dad, he'll have to pull Mum off him. But he isn't.

"What? You mean I have to keep working on schoolwork?" He bleats.

"Yes Ron, you have to work on your schoolwork." Arthur sighs.

"You're not bringing me home?"

"No, we're not bringing you home so you can sit on your dead ass all day and eat us out of house and home."

"But that's not fair." He wails. "You've got to take me home. I'm . . .I'm dying. They're starving me to death."

"Eating a normal meal instead of the eight to ten plates is not starving to death."

"Ron, you're grounded all Christmas break and next summer. Madam Umbridge, please give us assignments for him to work on while he's at home and we'll make sure he completes them." Ron's whining as he sees his life of sitting on his ass doing nothing vanishing.

"But that's not fair. I shouldn't have to do work when I'm home." He whines as Madam Umbridge drags him away from the headmaster's office.

"Since you can't be trusted not to do something stupid, you're going to be staying in here permanently. My notes are on your essays. Make the corrections I noted and expand them into three feet."

"Three feet for each essay. That will take forever. Why can't I go flying outside? It's beautiful."

"You don't have a broom."

"Harry will let me use his, after all I'm his best mate."

Outside a few minutes later Harry launches himself into the air on his broom along with the twins as people gather for a pickup game of quidditch, including the other tri-wizard tournament champions Viktor Krum and Fleur Delacour Once everybody is in the air they pick white or black marbles out of a bag to select their teams.

"Is he always like that?" Viktor asks as Ollie starts yelling at the twins.

"Yeah, he's the Gryffindor team captain. And he was heartbroken when we found out there'd be no quidditch this year. This will still let him get in some games while he's cramming for his NEWTS." Harry won't tell him about the older boy already failing them last year, his Mum had sent him a Howler about that before they'd left school.

"Do you play quadpot?"

"Not on house teams, Dumbledore doesn't like the game and banned it. But Professor McGonagall got in his face about it and he gave in, we can have pick up games."

A few hours later Ron is sulking as Harry settles into his seat at dinner. Once he'd washed and changed into clean clothes he'd been forced to work on his essays. Meanwhile he could see Harry and the others in a game outside. It wasn't fair. He should be the one outside playing with Viktor, after all Viktor was already famous in Bulgaria and he'd be playing professionally the minute he gets out of school. With him as a friend Ron is a shoo-in to get lucrative contracts from other countries. Chudley would have to give him oodles of money to make him stay with them.

Harry looks behind him as Sirius comes up. He hands a thick bundle of papers to Harry.

"Harry, look this over kiddo. It's information on a quidditch camp in America that the Potters own. If you do good on your OWLS over the break, you can head there for a few weeks."

"It's not fair." Ron yells, jumping to his feet and grabbing the papers from Harry's hand. "I'm the one who's going to be the professional player. . .I should. . ." a number of hexes hit him and he turns into a billy goat.

"There, if you're going to stand there bleating about how life isn't fair, you can really be a goat." Ginny says with a smirk as she hands Harry back the envelope. "Dumbass. . .you don't have a broom and Mum and Dad can't afford to buy you one." she snorts. "There's no way in hell they'd pay for a broom and the costs of you going to a camp. Besides. . ." she smirks evilly. "You'll be too busy working all summer on schoolwork to try to pass first year again." Up at the front table Madam Umbridge is red with anger while the other teachers are desperately trying not to laugh.

"Ms. Weasley, five points from Gryffindor for your appalling language." Snape's lips twitch. "Please return your brother to human before he's hurt." Ron had been trying to eat off everybody's plates had been pushed away. One Hufflepuff pops him one in the nose as Ginny turns him back.

"You hit me." he whines.

"Damn straight I did, that's how you deal with goats and other animals that get into your crops. . one good pop on the nose discourages them."

"You hit me." he yells again, the picture of total innocence.

"Ginny, you turned him into . . ." Fred says.

"The wrong animal. The way he's braying. . ."

"He should be a jackass instead."

"Harry mate, best bud, you'll spot me the money for a broom and the camp won't you?" Ron wheedles, seeing the papers in Harry's hand.

"If he wouldn't spot you the money on the train for chocolate, what makes you think he's buying you a broom and paying for you to go to camp." Hermione snorts. "Besides, you are not his 'best bud', you're a using little toad who sucked up to Harry on the train to get whatever you wanted."

"Mum and Dad brought the twins brooms." He bleats.

"No Mum and Dad did not . . ." Geprge says indignatly.

"Buy our brooms. We've been working with . . ."

"Gringotts doing grunt labor for the last two summers. . ."

"lifting and toting stuff to make money . . ."

"to pay for our brooms, new wands, and to put money away . . ."

"for our store."

"They brought Percy a new owl. That's why I got his old rat Scabbers."

"There's a difference between an Owl ickle Ronnie-kins. . ."

"And a broom. The stuck up prat might be . . ."

"A stuck up prat but he worked hard for his grades and was working. . ."

"At the ministry with Dad since his third year. That's how he . . ."

"Was able to get hired right away, he'd already been working for them."

"Mum brought you all new robes, a wand, and whatever else you wanted. Because you're a girl, the first girl in seven generations." Ron says defiantly to Ginny.

"Are you fucking stupid. No, dumb question. No they did not buy me all new stuff, the only new things I got was my books and supplies and that was only because Flourish and Blott's didn't have any used." She snorts. "All my clothes have come from the second-hand store, my wand was a hand-me down, and so are my robes."

"They got new stuff." Ron points at the twins.

"Bullshite." George says. "Our robes were hand-me downs, in fact we had them first before you did. Our wands were Uncle Fabian and Gideon's."

"But it's not fair. Hary's rich, he should buy me whatever I want." Harry turns away after giving Ron a disgusted look, one that's shared by everybody else in the Great Hall. Seeing everybody ignoring him Ron starts shedding crocodile tears, figuring if he looks pitiful enough he'll get whatever he wants.

"What do you mean your history of magic teacher is a ghost who only talks about the Goblin Rebellion?" Madam Umbridge hisses after dinner. She'd been looking for the history teacher to get notes on what she needs Weasley to learn.

"Exactly what I said Madam Umbridge, Binns is a teacher who only talks about the Goblin rebellion. . .no matter what year he's teaching."

"How the blazes does anybody pass their OWLS or NEWTS then?"

"Independent study. Right now former Professor Lupin is tutoring the sixth and seventh year students for their NEWTS."

"It cannot be that bad, when I come back from getting Weasley his new wand, I'll be sitting in on the class for a couple weeks. Right now I need to take him to the potions classroom and have him make a new batch of potions."

"Why are we doing this again?" Ron whines as he's dragged into the potions laboratory and threw behind a table.

"Because you couldn't be bothered to document what you did in preparing the last potions. That is needed to grade them since we don't have a potions master here watching you work. Now get to work." He glares at her and she hexes him again. making him yelp and jump around on one foot before he sullenly takes up a quill and starts writing as he prepares the ingrediants.

The next morning is spent on the floo to the ministry. She hates having to pay so much money but she has the container and she sends the potions and paperwork back with Weasley.

"But I'm hungry." Ron whines, looking at the tables filled with students eating.

"We are taking a international portkey to America." Umbridge says between gritted teeth. "Nobody does it on a full stomach. . .now drink the damn nutrient potion and let's go."

Ron whines, whimpers, begs, pleads, and finally kicks her in the shins, running to the tables. He's grabbing food off plates and shoving it in his mouth when he's frozen by Umbridge and she triggers the portkey.

Ron throws up on her as they land. "Maybe you were right about not eating before portkeying." he says woozily. She's glaring at him and if looks could kill he'd be a pile of dust on the floor.

"Ummmm Whoops?"

"Do you need help, Ma'am?" a young witch at the porkey terminal asks. She can see the other woman is about to scream bloody murder.

"I have . . .an appointment with Minister Alexsandrkoff in forty-five minutes about a student wand. If you'll excuse me I need to freshen up." She glares at Ron. "Sit your ass down in that chair and do not move until I get back. If you do I will know. . .and I will hurt you."

She walks off.

Three hours later Ron is dragged along by Umbridge and an older man who take them to a floo.

"Welcome to the house of wands. Select your wand blank, length, and core." Ron starts grabbing stuff and Umbridge hexes him.

"We only have two galleons, five knuts. You can get cherry, redwood, or ash. . .and only in the ten inch lengths."

"But I want a willow wand, fifteen inches long."

"And I want to beat you to death. Guess who's going to get her way?" Umbridge smiles. Ron winces and blindly selects a wand blank. "Good, now select a core and let's go up to get it put together." Ron grabs one.

"Only one core, Ma'am?"

"This little fool doesn't need a more powerful wand, he's already broken two. He'd just end up hurting himself." She says as she watches the man work. She makes the mistake of letting Ron go and he's off, bringing back piles of stuff.

"I want this too."

"No, we only have six sickles left after this is done."

"But I want it."

"You don't even know what half this stuff is."

"No, but I want it." Ron whines and hiccups. She points and he bites her. "BUY.ME.THIS.OWWWW! You hit me."

"You bit me you little brat. Now go put all this back before I beat you to death." She glares at him but he starts putting things away. Trying out his new wand an hour later sees some blue sparks and she nods, walking towards the floo. Sirens start vgoing off.

"Ma'am, you and your companion will have to come with me. The sirens mean you passed a sensor with something you hadn't paid for."

Umbridge reaches out and grabs Ron by the collar, shaking him until his teeth rattle.

"What the hell did you do you little brat?"

"You wouldn't buy them for me, so I just took them. NOOOOOO, you can't take my stuff from me." Ron tries kicking, hitting, and biting but his pockets are emptied and everything he'd tried taking is returned to their display cases. Grabbing him by the ear, she drags him through the floo.

"We always have to have one." The woman says. The man with her nods. "Stupid kids who think that being magickal means they can do anything they want. That one seemed stupider than normal though."

"He's a pureblood from Europe."

"Ahhh, that explains it."

"But I wanted that stuff." Ron whines as they arrive back at Hogwarts.

"You don't even know what half of that was."

"But I wanted it." he whines. He's drug up to the Headmaster's office where a sighing Dumbledore calls Molly who after hearing what had happened starts screaming at Ron who's trying to back through the wall to get away from her. Meanwhile Umbridge goes to the hospital wing.

"Good lord, what happened." Poppy bustles around giving her a healing draught and something for the pain and possible infection.

"Weasley bit me when I wouldn't buy him everything he wanted. Then he was surprised when I hit him for it." Poppy sighs and nods.

"Is he normal?"

"All my scans have come back clear. I first thought the poor boy might have tapeworms the way he eats but the potions didn't have any affect. I thought he might have been hit by the Troll but both Miss Granger and Mr. Potter swear that he screamed and fainted before the Troll even came near him. What would have been his second year Lockhart tried to oblivate him and Mr. Potter, but the spell backfired since Mr. Weasley's wand was broken. Where is Mr. Weasley?"

"Being yelled at by his mother. The little shit tried stealing everything he wanted when I told him I only had two galleons, five knuts for his wand. He didn't know what any of it was. . .but he wanted it."

"What kind of wand can you get for that little money?"

"A cheap little thing that won't last very long, the Americans use them as starter wands in their schools." Umbridge remembers something she'd seen when the wand was being assembled.

"Madam Umbridge," Poppy taps her shoulder. "Oh sorry, just remembering something I saw. We were in the United States. . .but the wand blank said 'Made in China'?"

Molly sighs after Ron has been dragged off by Hagrid and put back in his cell . ..err room. Dumbledore has an elf bring them tea, calmly pushing over the bottle of firewhisky that Molly adds to her cup.

"I always knew Ron wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed. But this? Biting Madam Umbridge when she refused to buy him everything he wanted, then trying to steal all of it. He didn't even know what all of it was, just that he wanted it and should have it. I can't trust him to run errands for me over the summer even if he wasn't working on his classes. He's going to end up being arrested for theft."

Albus nods. "If the Americans do not charge him for this, somebody else will. He expects everything to be handed to him on a platter then attacks when it doesn't happen. He fully expected Mr. Potter to buy him a broom and pay the cost of a quidditch camp that Sirius is sending his godson to as a treat if he does well on his potion and history of magic OWLS. . .because after all he's Harry's best bud and he was going to be the one playing professionally. When Mr. Potter rightly refused he went on the attack, first complaining that you brought the twins their brooms then when that was shot down, that you brought Ginny whatever she wanted because she's a girl."

"Foolish child, I really should have stopped with the twins but we wanted more children."

"Even after Percy and the twins?" Albus's lips twitch.

"Yes even after Perfect Percy and the terrors. Well, Ginny grew out of her boy who lived nonsense, hopefully Ron will grow up as well before somebody beats him or he ends up in a holding cell at the ministry waiting to take a boat to Azkaban in the morning."

Madam Umbridge comes into the room.

"Is Ron in trouble with the American Authorities?"

"Yes and no, I worked out a limited political immunity for him while he was there, if anything happened he'd be charged in front of the Wizengamot. Normally I wouldn't have been able to do it and the little shit would be rotting in an american holding cell, but since his father and brother work for the Ministry I was able to do it. They should be forwarding a report to Arthur's desk, your son's desk, Madam Bones, and the office that sets up court dates. I'm sure the little bastard will bleat that it's not fair he's being charged, they took everything away from him."

"How much calming draught did Poppy give you?"

"The whole bottle, I'm . . .floating right now. It's keeping me from beating the little shit to death."

"Does Ron have to be charged in front of the Wizengamot? It will ruin his future."

"Molly, the little shit doesn't have a future." Albus says quietly. "He's already the laughing stock of Hogwarts, this is just the icing on the cake. He's still expecting that somebody from the Chudley cannons will magically appear with a contract for him to play with them the second he's old enough to play professionally."

Molly makes a rude snorting sound. "Not going to happen. The twins and Ginny might play professionally but not him."

"I believe the twins are already in talks with a couple of teams, they're planning on playing professionally for a number of years, saving part of their pay for their store. Ginny is in talks with the Holyhead Harpies. And the teams are all begging after Mr. Potter. That's one of the reasons Lord Black plans on him attending a quidditch camp next summer, introducing him to the world outside of the local teams and give him a broader base of resources to call upon. I know he really wants to start working on building brooms, Madam Hooch plans on working with him on it after he takes the rest of his OWLS. Both of which he can do while living in the Muggle world."

"Hermione?"

"Wants to go to a muggle university for a higher degree. That is why she and Harry have muggle as well as magical schoolwork."

"I'd hoped to have two weddings in the future, Ron and Hermione and Harry and Ginny."

Albus makes a rude sound and Molly glares at him. "Hermione loathes Ron with a passion, ever since your oik of a son had a fit because she got something before he did back in their first year. Once we found out what had actually happened, Ron was spending his first detention with Filch cleaning the trophy room. Unfortunately he was too stupid to learn from his punishment and continued to cause trouble, both for Miss Granger and other students because they were studying or doing their schoolwork instead of goofing off like he wanted."

"And he was stunned when he found out he'd failed everything and the others had all passed. Anybody with half a brain would have been embarrassed and made an effort to study and work hard over the summer since you'd given him the option of taking his tests again."

"But you said it yourself Molly, anybody with half a brain. . .and that lets out Ron. He's not the first student to fail a year. . ."

"But he is the only one to have failed it three years in a row." Molly sighs. "Ron always did want to do something his brothers hadn't."

"As for your daughter and Mr. Potter, that is unlikely to happen. Her fangirl tendencies made him ill, one of the reasons he and Ron pulled apart. After all his best mate should have been thrilled Gin-Gin was going to marry the boy who lived."

"I'd hoped that we would have knocked that nonsense out of her head before she came to school. I must admit it was partially my fault, I always harped on the bloody boy-who-lived stories and since Ginny is a readhead like Lily was of course Harry would end up falling in love with her. Bill, Charlie, and Arthur told me I was a fool."

The next day there's a scream in the office of the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts as Arthur reads the report of what Ron had pulled and the charges the Americans want placed on Ron. Going to the floo, he calls Molly.

"Molly-wobbles, did you. . . " he waves the file in his hand. She nods. "Albus called me to Hogwarts yesterday. You were off in your shed playing with your plugs."

"I can't believe Ron was so stupid."

"I can. As I told Albus I can't trust him to run errands for me over the break or next summer. He didn't know what that stuff was, he just wanted it and Madam Umbridge refused to buy it for him so he had to take it anyway. Has Amelia decided on what charges she plans to file?"

"Not yet, she's busy talking with somebody who does the same job in the American Aurors to get everything worked out."

"I'm going to be late to dinner Molly, I need to go to Hogwarts and beat Ron half to death for being so damn stupid."

"Dad . . .you're here to . . ." Ron screams from the chair he's been stuck to by Umbridge. How dare she make him work on his schooling. He's the Hogwarts Champion, he should be outside having fun.

Ron doesn't think he likes the look in his Dad's eye when he talks to Umbridge quietly, then turns to glare at his youngest son.

The night of the weighing of the wands arrives.

"Hey sweet thing, you make my heart sing." Ron croons in what he thinks is a silky voice that should have the Veela falling all over him. "You make everything. . .groovy." That song had been playing on the wizarding radio all summer and it has to make her swoon. She snorts and turns away, mumbling about 'leetle boys' in French.

"Hey, don't ignore you ignore me you little. . ." Fleur turns on him, slapping his face and swearing at him. "Listen 'leetle' boy, you are a pest. And I swat pests."

"Damn, she's a fireball. Bet she's going to be hot in our bed." Ron says. Ollivander facepalms as the photographer's eyes widen and his camera keeps clicking as Fleur changes and shows Ron just how hot she really is. Looking at the cameraman she holds out one hand and he hands over the camera.

"Why did you do that?" Rita screeches. "I'll see you fired."

"Lady, you're stupid as well as ugly. There's no way in Hell I'm getting on her bad side after what she did to him." he snorts. "Get another cameraman for your little hate rants, I quit."

"You can't quit, you're fired."

The photographer slaps his ass in an obviously rude muggle gesture and keeps walking to the door. Ron is huddled in the corner of the room, his skin as red as his hair used to be. That's all burned off and the door opens.

"Is he hurt?" Poppy asks with a sigh as she looks over at Ron. He doesn't seem to badly hurt, though his clothes are destined for the rubbish.

"Non, I . . .calmed the fire. He is not more than singed." Fleur says. "Per'aps it will teach 'im a lesson on 'ow to treat a Lady."

The weighing of the wand passes quickly, Rita glowering as Colin Creevy had taken over the job of taking the pictures.

"Zat is a wand?" Fleur asks when Ron's wand is passed over.

"The finest money can buy." Ron boasts. "I'll take you two to where I got it if you're good. Viktor, wanna fly against me tomorrow? See how a real flyer handles a broom."

"I haf already seen how a real flyer handles a broom. Harry Potter flies like he was born to do it." Fleur and Viktor ignore Ron's screaming for them to pay attention to him dammit as they talk to Harry's biggest fanboy, Colin. McGonagall comes to take Colin to have his pictures developed then owled to the Quibbler and Daily Prophet while Fleur and Viktor walk off, leaving Ron raging about being ignored.

"But how can I be charged with theft?" Ron howls the next day as he stands in front of the Wizengamot. "They took everything back from me! None of the stores in Diagon Alley complain when I take from them!"

"WHAT!?!?!" His father screams as the barrister that they'd had to borrow money from Albus to pay facepalms.

"Umm, whoops?"

"How did the hearing go?" Molly asks when Arthur comes home that night.

"Badly, if we'd had time to make things go away like Fudge wanted we might have been able to get the charges dismissed. But the Americans already have a sour view on our court system after Umbridge and Fudge tried to get Black tossed through the veil so they didn't have to admit he was innocent and never got a trial. And I can't blame them for their skepticism. The Wizengamot has a lot to answer for."

"And Ron?"

"Is an absolute idiot!" Arthur slams his fist onto the arm of his chair. "He couldn't understand why the Americans were charging him with theft, after all they took everything back." he says in a sing-song voice making Molly sigh. "And the shopkeepers in Diagon don't complain when he steals from them."

Molly swears long and loud. "I guess it's a good thing he can't get to Hogsmeade as a first year student, he'd steal them blind too."

"And that we only go to Diagon once a year."

"How bad is it?"

"Bad, thankfully we're not being fined but Ron is. He's looking at a large fine that he's convinced the Chudley Cannons will pay for him so he can play professionally for them. He's got to pass this year, otherwise his magic will be bound and his wand snapped. He'll be working for either the Goblins as a slave to pay off his fine or doing similar work for the Americans. If he does pass this school year, he's got until he graduates to start working to pay it off."

"What about the Diagon Alley merchants? Will they be having him arrested?"

"No Molly, the reason our bills are so large is we're being charged for everything he's taking."

"WHAT?"

"Yes, if Ron stole from them they charged it to our bills. If he'd tried that at Knockturn they'd have beaten him."

"I swear I taught that boy better, I'd expect that sort of nonsense from the Malfoy boy. . .because of course Daddy being a Death Eater means he could do whatever he wanted."

"If Ron is ever caught stealing in Diagon again, he will be arrested since he has a record now. Of course that didn't stop him, once he's rich and famous he'll have one of his people go to Diagon to buy whatever he wants. . . including the stores. They'll be sorrrry they didn't do what he wanted."

Molly rolls her eyes.

"That sounds like something Lucius Malfoy would do. Throw the merchants out and either bring in his own people or shut down the store."

Meanwhile Madam Umbridge is dropping into a chair at a teacher meeting.

"How the hell do you put up with that damn ghost? I was about ready to yell at a student for sleeping in class when I saw most of them were sleeping. And those that weren't were working on assignments for other classes."

"The students are forced to study on their own, Binns droning sends even me to sleep." Snape drawls. "This has been going on for decades."

"Does he teach NEWT level classes?"

"No those along with potions level NEWTS are usually taken as independent study." Minerva says.

"I have standards and I refuse to waste my time teaching dunderheads."

"Severus please, you need to stop doing that."

"You know my demands Albus, bring in a second potions teacher to take care of the younger students if you want me to take more NEWT level students. And speaking of dunderheads. Madam, do you know how close you came to being a spot on the ceiling thanks to Weasley's incompetence. Od's blood woman, you can't just tell a student to make these potions without supervising them. Especially Weasley who can't be bothered to read the directions on how to prepare the ingrediants or even get the right ingrediants, just tossing whatever he gets his hands on into the cauldron. Longbottom routinely had his cauldrons explode thanks to Malfoy's habit of throwing shit into other students cauldrons to ruin their potions."

"Has he tried that again?" Albus asks.

"Yes, and he was stunned when his own house beat him to a pulp. He went bleating to his father and was stunned again when his father told him to stop sabotaging the others potions. It wasn't becoming a Malfoy."

"Pooor baby." Most of the teachers coo. "He can't use Daddy's money and influence to get what he wants. He's not the Prince of Slytherin House since Daddy got caught in a Death Eater attack and spilled everything he knew under veritaserum to save his own ass." The uppercrust of pureblood society had been gutted by Lucius turning on them, most of the Slytherin had lost at least one parent, either to the veil or Azkaban.

The next day is a Hogsmeade weekend and Ron whines as he sees Harry and Hermione walking outside the school with Luna Lovegood, Daphne Greengrass, Fleur, Viktor, and a young blonde girl that had been introduced as Fleur's sister. He's pulled away from the window and whining, drug to the empty potions classroom and given a list of potions, instructions, and Umbridge makes sure he doesn't bring anything else back to the table, watching as Ron starts chopping items he drops into the cauldron.

"However did you convince him to work quietly?" Snape asks. Then he sees Ron's mouth moving. He's been a teacher long enough to learn to read lips. "Ahhhh, I see. You removed his voice, clever."

Madam Umbridge hit him with a stinging hex. "Language Mr. Weasley, just because I can't hear you doesn't mean I don't understand what you're saying. Quit whining, insulting my parents marital status, and get to work."

Ron continues to complain the entire time he's working, yelling at the top of his lungs when Umbridge hexes him every time he even thinks about stopping. Five long hours later the container is filled with vials and the paperwork is in an envelope Severus takes into his office to send to the ministry Monday as Ron runs for the Great Hall, shoving people aside at the Gryffindor table to get the best spot and getting hexed by the teachers at the head table.

"Mr. Weasley, there is plenty of room for everybody. You do not need to shove to get to the trough before the others like a common pig." McGonagall says firmly. "Go to your room, the elves will bring you a plate."

Ron makes a rude gesture her direction, then silently screams when McGonagall grabs him by the ear, dragging him away from the table and out of the great hall.

"Until you can learn some manners, you can have your meals in your room." She returns his voice down the hallway, that way she doesn't have to hear his histrionics. A house elf pops in a plate of food and goes away.

"I'm surprised the little brat didn't try to shove his sister away from his mother's teat, after all he was hungry." she says sourly as she walks back to the Great Hall. She apologizes to her lions before picking up her napkin and starting to eat again.

In Hogsmeade a group of Hogswart, Beauxbaton, and Durmstrang students have put together tables in the back room of the Hogshead and are waving hands as they talk in a variety of languages.

Fleur smiles at how Harry and Hermione are interacting, they might think they're nothing more than friends but she can see how they care for each other. Neville and her younger sister are talking about . . .ahhh plants. It seems Longbottom has quite a green thumb and wants to rebuild his family's greenhouse business that had been put aside when his parents were injured. She makes a mental note to write to Papa later that night. the Delacour family had been herbologists for years and were more than happy to help find a new business venture.

"Are you okay Harry, you've got a strange look on your face?" Seamus asks.

"I just had a thought of how things might have been, if the death eaters hadn't been taken out over the summer I'm sure one of them would have tried putting my name in the Goblet. And nobody believed I didn't do it because 'of course you wanted the publicity, you're the boy-who-lived'." Dean snorts, recognizing Ron Weasley's voice.

"Hell, if you're going to think of what if, why not have Ron not having failed his first year three times so he's a fourth year too."

Across the table Luna smiles.

"The nargles say the bad man can't come back thanks to how the world has shifted."

"A seer?" Viktor asks, recognizing the 'not quite there' gaze from several of his fellow students.

Harry nods. "The teachers announced when she entered school that she was a seer and might seem a little strange, if anybody bothered her they'd be punished."

"Do you take divinations? It is supposed to help a seer live a normal life." Madam Maxine asks from a nearby table.

"Our teacher is a drunken joke. Nobody takes the NEWTS unless they have the gift. That, history, and potions are usually self-taught at the NEWTS level."

"History?"

"A ghost, who has been stuck on the Goblin Rebellion for decades. From what the older students have said, there's only one question about the Goblins on the OWLS. If you want to pass them, you study on your own."

Madam Maxine shakes her head. "Let me introduce you to my history teacher, while she is here she can tutor students if you want, she says she is bored."

After dinner that night Madam Maxine and her history teacher talk to Albus and Remus. They're both shaking their head after they see pensieve memories of some of the classes.

"I do not like the idea of students sleeping in class, but I can understand it hearing that man drone on." She looks at Remus and starts talking about her class plans, Remus nods and hands over his notes on what he's teaching the older students, they're talking as they walk out of the Headmaster's office.

Back at the Burrow Molly is on a mission, trying to find everything her son had stolen because he wanted it. She can't remember him bringing home anything beyond the bags from the stores when she took them shopping but she never investigated them either. Now she's going to be looking.

"Oh god, what a mess. If his dorm was this bad, no wonder none of the other students liked him." Hurriedly opening a window, she flicks her wand to send the smell that's almost physical out the window. Turning around she shakes her head at the state of the room, the bed unmade and clothes hanging out of the dresser drawers.

"Dear, did you have to make such a mess?" Arthur asks from the doorway.

"I haven't even started. This is how our beloved son left his room when he went back to school. Because he expects somebody else to pick up behind him."

Arthur sighs.

"Dear, what are these?" Molly holds up a pair of dark blue trousers of an unfamiliar material that had been tossed in a corner.

"I believe they're muggle. . .genes?" Arthur says. "The muggle-born students wear them when they're not in class."

"How would Ron have them? He's never been in London except when we're going to the train."

"I don't know dear."

"I've never seen him wearing these around the house." She holds them up. "I don't think they'd even fit him."

"Neither have I dear. But remember, it's not whether he knows what they are or not. It's just that he wants them."

"Well, that boy is getting a rude awakening. I'll ask Harry or Hermione if these need special laundering." Molly starts folding everything, stripping the room of everything but Ron's second-hand clothing and the bed.

"What did he think he'd do with all this yarn?" Arthur sighs, making a box that he starts putting yarn, needles, and books into. Molly looks over everything and sighs.

"I won't need to order yarn for years."

"What are these?"

"Muggle comics, I know Flourish and Blott has a small selection of them. Hermione was saying how they come out monthly and something the stories continue. Sometimes the publishers will collect the stories and print special editions, they are much more expensive than the normal comics." Arthur shakes his head.

"Why would Ron need five fancy fountain pen sets? They don't allow them at the school."

"He doesn't need them Molly, he wants them."

Molly shakes her head as they head to bed. Knowing Ron, everything isn't hidden in his room so they'll have to check the others over the next few days. The other children will understand, after all it's not like this is the first time she's went through their things. No, she can't say she snoops, she's just a concerned mother and wants the best for her children. Her children wouldn't dare have secrets from her. Or so she thought until she saw everything that Ron had been hiding in his room.

The next day the announcement is made and a sign-up sheet is passed around, the top spots going to students who would be taking their OWLS that year.

"Madam Maxine?" Harry asks as he follows her to the room that had been set aside for her teacher's classes. There are books at each desk, along with ink, quills, and parchment.

"Oui, Monsier Potter?" she asks.

"I did not realize that you took students so young?"

"Ahhh, you speak of Mademoiselle Delacour? She is not a student, her family is off on a business trip inspecting businesses they own or have interests in in other countries and there was nobody at home to take care of Gabrielle. Her parents asked if she could stay with her sister this year." She smiles as Harry and Hermione settle at the same table, obviously something they've done before.

They break for lunch and a commotion at the entrance to the Great Hall has them looking, they see Percy, Molly, and Arthur dragging Ron into the room. Percy calmly conjures a chair for his mother as she pulls Ron over her lap and begins blistering his ass with stinging swats.

"You.Do.NOT.Shove.Younger.Students.Away.From.The.Table.So.You.Get.A.Good.Spot.To.Eat. There is enough food to go around and every spot at the table is a good spot." Soon her hand is hurting just as much as Ron's ass is by the sounds he's making and she waves it to stop the stinging. Smirking Snape hands her a paddle he conjures.

"Thank you Severus." She takes the paddle and lays back into her son.

"Now apologize for making a spectacle of yourself yesterday." Ron mumbles something.

"Speak up." his father orders.

"Okay, I'm sorry. Now let me eat." he starts to rush to Gryffindor table.

"Nope, like Minerva said yesterday, until you can learn some manners you're eating in your room."

"But they're only giving me one plate of food. I'll starve." he howls as he's drug away by his brother.

The first task is on before they know it and Ron is left in the tent as the others go out to to try to get the egg. He's taken out last and screams when he sees a Hungarian Horntail waiting on him. Forgetting about the egg, he runs screaming away and trips, getting up and running again when the last sausage he'd eaten that morning. . .Minerva had allowed him to eat at the Gryffindor table since he said he needed the extra food to be ready for the task makes him fart. Just then the Dragon breaths a flicker of flame and his ass erupts in flames.

"YYYYYYYYEEEEEEOOOOOOOWWWWWW!!!" Ron is propelled several feet in the air.

"I'll give him a seven on distance but the landing sucked." Hermione cackles, leaning against Harry's shoulder. Ginny hears her from her spot on Harry's other shoulder and laughs, the comment soon making the rounds of the stands while Ron is busy rubbing his ass on the ground trying to put his ass out. Damn, that was worse than eating that entire bag of extra spicy chiles.

Somebody starts clapping and soon everybody is standing up as the dragon is taken away.

"Are you seriously applauding Mr. Weasley's performance?" Madam Maxine asks.

"Hell no," one of the twins shouts. "We're congratulating the dragon."

The dragon, almost as if she had heard them turns and bows to the audience.

Colin is busy once the first task is over, heading immediately to the room that had been set up for him. The pictures are developed and sent off to the papers, a set being passed around the tables at dinner.

"These are good Colin, how did you get so close?" Ginny asks.

"It's a omnocular lens, it's a bit of money but with the contract with the Prophet and Quibbler, I was able to afford it."

"I hope you're getting credit for the pictures?"

"Yep, I own the pictures and they're paying me to use them in the paper. If they want to republish them in the future, they have to pay me again. Luna's dad has quite a business head on his shoulder."

"Daddy went to business and journalism school before he took over the quibbler, he wanted to make sure everything was protected." Luna says. "Because there's some durn fools in the world as Daddy put it."

"At least this time Won-Won has his own bathroom. . ." Fred says.

"Since his bottom hurts." George continues the sentence.

"Oh god, don't remind me. And the smell." Ginny moans. The others look at her. "Bill sent Mum a bag of dried super hot chiles for some of his favorite meals one day. Our brother the idiot thought they were candy and didn't want to share so he ended up eating the entire bag. Mum thought he'd been poisoned but the healers at St. Mungo said it was his own damn fault. He farted for weeks and howled every time he used the bathroom because his butt burned. 'But it's not my fault, I thought they were candy and I didn't want any of the others to have any'." she says in a sing-song voice.

"So your brother always was a selfish idiot." somebody says at the Ravenclaw table.

"Pretty much." Ginny shrugs.

At the Burrow Arthur settles down in his chair, covering his face with his hands.

"At least he wasn't hurt too bad." Molly pats him on the shoulder.

"Our son made a complete fool out of himself out there."

"Hey Harry, can I borrow one of your older math books? Mum wants me to start taking my muggle classes again."

"Of course Dennis, you can use it after dinner."

"Thanks, Mum was really upset we don't have any math classes beyond Arithmancy."

"Good thing, can you see Ron having to take his shoes off in class to count to twenty?"

"Ron's a pureblood, don't you mean twenty-two?" Laughter from various students.

"And this is why we need to add more muggle classes, our students are falling behind. The muggle-borns are leaving the wizarding world in droves."

"You know the purebloods wouldn't hear of it Minerva." Albus says chidingly.

"Screw the purebloods Albus, they're less than a quarter of our school population now and the number keeps falling every year. While the muggleborn or second generation half-bloods increase every year. We need to get rid of some of the dead wood on the governor board and bring in fresh blood."

"Malfoy won't be able to keep his seat and Draco's too young to take it." Filius says. "We should offer it to Sirius, he's from an old pureblood family but he's got Harry taking muggle classes and making plans for him to live in the muggle world after he graduates. Sirius is just waiting for Harry to graduate before he tells the wizarding world to kiss his arse. The wizengamot is still howling at the amount of money they had to pay him for locking him away for ten years, they tried forcing him to buy wizarding instead of muggle stuff and he threatened to pull his and Harry's money. The Goblins nearly declared war if you believe the gossip. Fudge backpedaled rapidly and the members who tried to force them to buy wizarding lost a lot of money. Surprise, surprise they were decimated in the attacks on the death eaters."

"Who took their money, I heard rumors that Mr. Potter took it as compensation for the loss of his parents and now he's head of a couple dozen families?" Umbridge asks, looking at the boy-who-laughed at the Gryffindor table.

"That's actually the truth, Lord Black and Professor Lupin are overlooking them right now."

"Lord Black?" Umbridge asks with some surprise. "I was under the impression that he had been removed from the Black family by his mother in favor of the younger brother?" She was stunned to hear that hadn't happened. . .and sounds much like she doesn't like the idea of Sirius being a Lord. That's because she doesn't. With Black backing Potter, her goals of being the next Minister of magic are looking bleak.

"She couldn't after the younger boy died." Minerva says. "When will Mr. Weasley be able to do his schoolwork?"

"Madam Pomphrey says not for another two days. The way the little twit is carrying on you'd think he was dying instead of had a blistered arse that will be cured by the morning. He was stunned when she refused to let him lounge in the hospital wing, didn't she know he was the Hogwarts Champion and horribly injured?" Sniggers from the other. "I'm going to take him to the library after dinner to do some research for his history papers."

"Why does that sound like a bad idea?" Minerva asks quietly, leaning towards Severus.

"Because Weasley is a lazy oik and will cause trouble?" Filius says quietly.

"Ahhh yes."

"Who's up on the roster to watch the chaos?"

"I am." Albus says just as quietly. "My office tomorrow night to watch the pensieve if it turns out as usual?" The others nod.

"You hit me!" Ron whines as he looks at his sister.

"You just ruined three days worth of work for me you little shit." Ginny snaps.

"But you were sitting there working. . ." he whines.

"What the hell do you think I should be doing in the library, singing the school song?" She snaps. "And shouldn't you be doing research for your own papers? That's why you're here after all."

"But that's work, I wanna have fun." He grabs a book from the pile in front of Ginny and throws it across the room, hitting Draco in the head. "Whooops?" he says in a smirking tone.

"Kill him." He orders Crabbe and Goyle. They lunge at Weasley and he laughs as he jumps onto the table, kicking at them before turning his attention to books that he kicks off the tables. Everybody grabs ink pots to keep them from following suit after he kicks three over and jumps to another table, launching himself at the nearest shelf.

"Damn it, wanted to knock it over." he starts grabbing books and throwing them over his shoulder.

Madam Pince snaps out of her shock.

"MR. WEASLEY, WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?"

"Throwing books." The 'duh' tone is unmistakable. "It's too quiet in here. Who needs to study? Not Me!" with some of the books out, he throws himself at the shelf again, this time tipping it over. It take s out the one behind it and so on and so on.

"Whoot! I saw this done by some muggles once with toys they called dominotes?" He laughs, ducking Madams Umbridge and Pince who both have blood in their eyes and starts on the next set of shelves.

A body bind stops him and Madam Pince scowls at him, barely resisting the urge to kick him in the ribs. "Students, please grab your belongings, check out any books that you need, and head to your common rooms. The library is closed until further notice." Albus announces. The students all glare at Ron as they gather up their schoolwork, checking out books and leaving the library. Once the last student is out he shuts and locks the door. Leaning against it, he watches the two women tear stripes out of Weasley's hide without raising their voices.

"But you can't make me scrub the ink I spilled off the tables, pick up the books, and shelve everything once I have the bookshelves back in place." he whines.

"You caused this mess, you clean it up."

"I'll tell my mum you're being mean to me."

"I'll tell her myself Mr. Weasley." Albus says as he uses his wand to float Ron out of the library, not being at all careful about him bumping into walls or bouncing off steps as the three of them walk to his office.

Molly sighs. "We might as well live at Hogwarts as often as we've been called there this year for Ron's nonsense."

"But that's because they're making him actually work this year." Arthur snorts.

"You did WHAT in the library?" Molly yells in the headmaster's office while Arthur glares at his stupid son.

"But it was too quiet, everybody was studying." Ron whines.

"Imagine that, students studying in a library." She snorts.

"Madam Pince, will you please escort me to the library so I can see the damage my idiot son caused?" Arthur says. The woman who'd seemed old when he was a student nods and they walk to the library.

"What did the fool do?"

"He started out by destroying the essay his sister had been working on because she was working and not paying attention to him. That progressed to grabbing a book and throwing it, hitting Mr. Malfoy on the back of the head. He sent his goons to kill your son, he jumped on the table and kicked them then started turning his attention to objects on the tables, kicking books, parchment, and bottles of ink until the students grabbd them. After jumping to another table he tried knocking over the first shelf, when it didn't fall over he started throwing books from it until he could knock it over. That shelf knocked over the others and he was starting on a second when we stopped him."

"What a mess. Let me guess, you told him he'd have to clean this up and he bleated that you were being mean to him."

"Indeed."

"Stay here, I'm going to yell at Ron while Molly sees this. Once she sees this mess she'll want to kill him. And I gotta go talk to the other kids before they go to bed." Arthur sends Molly to the library when he's back in the office and he can swear he hears her screaming.

"Poppy, can we blame this on the potions?" he asks hopefully as he leaves the office, Poppy is waiting outside with what he knows is a calming draught in her hand.

"I'm afraid not Arthur, this is all your son. If he was that badly injured I'd have kept him in the hospital wing."

"That's what I was afraid of." He sighs.

"Gin-Gin, I'm so sorry your idiot brother ruined your schoolwork." Arthur hugs her, then the twins. Harry and Hermione are nearby and they get a father hug too.

"Dad, can I beat him? I've got to be up all night working on it since it's due tomorrow?"

"Which class, Miss Weasley?" Albus asks from the doorway. "I'll tell your teacher what happened and give you a week's extension."

"Transfiguration Headmaster."

"I'll tell Minerva in the morning, though as . . ." the portrait hole behind him opens. "Ah good Minerva, I was just telling everybody that the gossip about Mr. Weasley destroying his sister's essay was probaby circulating through the castle. You can give her an extension, can't you? Otherwise she'll be up all night working on it."

"Of course, it's not your fault your brother's a little twit. May I?" She takes the parchment from her and shakes her head. "Stupid little brat, I'd have thought better of one of my lions deliberately sabotaging another student's work, especially if it was a sibling. I'd expect that of one of Severus's snakes. Take a week to hand it in to me, you need your sleep. And your brother needs to be beaten."

"I think Molly is taking care of that for you." Albus's lips twitch.

"But Mum. . ." Ron whines in the library as he's dragged into the room. "The house elves can take care of everything. I'm hurt."

"You're going to be even more hurt if you con't start scrubbing the ink you knocked over off the tables."

"But it will dry." he whines.

"Start.Scrubbing." His mother orders.

"No." He crosses his arms over his chest. His Mummy will have to say this is a joke any second, kissing his forehead and sending him to his room. A smack on the arse from the paddle Albus hands her with his lips twitching has him jumping.

"Get to work you lazy little git."

Ron whines the entire time he's scrubbing at the tables. His mother had gotten tired of him complaining and silenced him. Once he's done he looks over at Madam Pince.

"Clean the rest of the table, I'm not having one spot look different than the rest of it. Then scrub the chairs when you're done." He tries to walk away and is hexed.

"Get.Your.Useless.Arse.Back.To.Work. Once you have everything scrubbed you can either sleep. Tomorrow you'll scrub the floor, pick up the books you threw around. . .and if any are damaged I'm taking them out of your hide, then pick up the shelves. Putting all the books away is going to take the longest time."

"No." he tries to say but he's still silenced.

"Oh yes you will, you little prick. You caused this mess and you get to fix it."

Ron makes a hand waving motion, pretending to use a wand to wave everything back to rights.

"No, you don't get off that easy. You didn't use magic to cause this mess, you're not using magic to fix it."

"But that's not fair." he bleats.

"Life isn't fair, get back to scrubbing."

Meanwhile a fuming Draco is writing a letter to his Daddy, he's going to hurt Weasley when he hears about this. An arm reaches over his shoulder and the letter taken and ripped up. He turns around in his chair to yell at whoever dared to take his letter, finding the head of his house behind him.

"Grow up Malfoy, everybody's tired of you running whining to your Daddy when you don't get your own way. Your father doesn't have the power to protect you anymore so stop it. . . Now." Turning around he looks at the others who are sniggering at the former Slytherin Prince's downfall and leaves the dorm, his robes billowing around him.

"Attention students," Albus says the next morning, standing up at the head table. "As the rumors are no doubt running rampant through the castle, I'll give you the news straight from the horse's mouth as it were."

"More like the horse's arse." Minerva mutters. Albus gives her that 'I'm so disappointed in you' look that she waves off with a 'whatever'.

"Mr. Weasley did indeed go on a tear in the school library because he was bored, throwing books and ink bottles, everybody who needs more ink or a replacement quill please see Minerva so sombody can floo to Diagon and get more, on the tables before starting on the shelves. He is currently cleaning the ink from the tables and chairs in the library then will be scrubbing the floor, picking up the books, righting the shelves, and shelving the books. . .all by hand. Until he is finished to our satisfaction the library is closed."

"Awwww, poor Won-Won, having to clean up the mess he made." Ginny cooes, then laughs. "The first time he's ever cleaned up after himself. He's probably still complaining about everybody being mean to him."

"If anybody besides Miss Weasley has damaged schoolwork, please contact your teacher for an extension. Thank you."

Three students beyond Ginny approach Professor McGonagall, she nods and sends a seventh year who's got a free morning off to pick up the supplies. He hands her the bag when he's back and she delivers the ink and quills to the students beds.

"Is that one always like that?" Fleur asks Harry at lunch.

"Ron? He's an idiot and doesn't like being told what to do. He's already failed his first year three times and is being forced to do his schoolwork by a personal tutor in the hopes that this time he'll pass. He doesn't like being forced to work so he's miserable."

"And the Goblet selected one such as him for the Champion?" Viktor asks.

Ginny makes a rude snorting sound. "He's in it for the glory, he fully expects the world to bow down and kiss his arse for being the Hogwarts Champion. I think a hell of a lot of students put his name in it hoping the little shit would be killed during one of the tasks. He plans on using his fame as Hogwarts champion to get more quidditch teams begging to sign him, he fully expects his beloved Chudley Cannons to sign him as a starting player the minute he turns of age so he can turn the team around and lead them back to glory. The little shit has never played on a house team but that doesn't matter to him. He's been pulling shit like this all year, normally he'd just be lazy and ignore the teachers when they try to give him assignments or detention. Like Harry said, he's being forced to work and he's miserable."

"Your parents are fine with this?"

"Not really, they thought that his first year was a fluke and his second year stuff happened at the school that meant he couldn't buckle down and concentrate on his grades."

Harry snorts this time. "The fact that he had to be forced to do schoolwork and study over the summer and retest to pass should have been a clue that Ron is a lazy git."

"Ahhh, but Ron's her baby boy, she ignores stuff like that."

"He was offered the chance to take his tests over and still failed them?"

"Three times, by then Mum had to plead to get him to come to Hogwarts again. If he fails this year, he's out of chances. He won't be coming back to Hogwarts."

"Not that the Professors wouldn't kill him after this year. . .and we've still got most of it to go." Hermione says. "And to adlib a muggle saying, the worst is yet to come."

The others sigh and nod.

It takes Ron a week to scrub the tables, chairs, floor, and right the bookshelves.

"What do you mean I have to put the books away by hand. There's got to be thousands of them."

"You took them out, you put them back."

"Accio them yourself you stuck up bi. . .AHHH!" He screams as he's hit with a hex and lays shaking on the floor.

"Do NOT insult me again boy, you won't like it." Madam Pince says, her wand in her hand. "Get up. I will give you the name of a book, you will search through the tables until you find it. Bring it to me. If it is the right book you can shelve it and we'll move to the next one.

"But that will take forever." he whines. "Madam Umbridge still has me doing schoolwork and potions after dinner."

"Awww, poor baby." She drawls. "Get to work or my next hex isn't going to be so gentle."

Ron whimpers, whines, and complains until she silences him again, calling out books and watching as Ron looks through the piles, bringing the books up to her when he finds them.

Three weeks after Ron's little 'fun' the library is finally reopened. Ron slumps into his chair in his room, thinking that now he can relax. . .at least until Umbitch arrives with more books and a list of essays to write. He starts whining until he's hexed.

"Shut.Up. You lost three weeks to your little temper tantrum, Christmas break and the ball is coming up soon. You've got to work even harder to make up for all that lost time.

Ron whines. He's got more schoolwork to do? It's not fair.

Christmas break finally arrives and most of the students leave Hogwarts, Harry, Hermione, Neville, the twins, and Luna settling in a compartment. They talk about their plans for their OWL or NEWT. Ginny slides into the compartment, sitting on Fred's lap since there's not an empty seat.

"I had to get the hell away from Won-Won before I hit him. He's whining that Madam Umbridge. . .and I'm not using the name he really gave her has schoolwork for him over the break and she flooed Mum to give her copies of what he has to work on so he can't tell her that he doesn't have any work."

"The nerve of her!" Fred hisses in mock-disapproval.

"Oh, I know. Who does she think she is? Doesn't she know break is a time to sit on your ass doing nothing? She expects him to work during it? The horror. And he still expects the four of you to wait hand and foot on him at the ball, because after all he's the Hogwarts Champion and the ball's in his honor."

"And the fact we told him we woudn't be there?"

"Oh you have to be telling tales. Nobody would dare miss his grand entrance. Mum refused to buy him dress robes since as a first year he wasn't invited to the school balls even if he was old enough so Madam Umbridge had to buy him a set. And of course he'll look smashing in them, if he does say so himself.

"At least his hair is beginning to grow back in again."

"So since Hermione doesn't have a date, she'll flock to him not to be embarrassed." Ginny drawls. "And since Harry's his 'bestest bud' he'll do whatever he wants too. And since the ball is in his honor, Umbridge wouldn't dare cut him off after one plate."

"If she did the little bastard would grab a serving platter and fill it as high as he could before sitting down to eat." George snorts.

"Where's the tree?" Ron asks, he'd run into the living room to look at all the presents his Mum had to have brought for him. After all, he was the Hogwarts Champion.

"We didn't put one up this year since we can't afford presents, what with having to pay for the books you damaged during your little fit at the library and paying Albus back the money we borrowed for your barrister." Molly says firmly.

"But that's not fay-urr." Ron whines. He heads upstairs to sulk and screams. "Mum, you. . ."

"Took everything out of your room that you stole. And cleaned it, you've just got your bed and your old clothes. Now sit down at the kitchen table and start working on the assignments Madam Umbridge gave you."

"That bit. . ." SLAP.

"OWWWW!"

"RONALD BILIUS WEASLEY, You don't ever use that kind of language around me, especially somebody who is fighting tooth and nail to get you to pass your first year. . .which you should have done three years ago. Now sit your lazy arse down and start working on the assignments Madam Umbridge gave you for over the break. The others have their own homework, why should you be allowed to get away with doing nothing?" He tries hitting his Mum to get her to release his ear and gets smacked again.

Ginny and the twins pull out their assignments and start to work, putting everything away when their Mum starts to prepare dinner. The next week passes in a quiet lull, punctuated by Ron's screaming fits about having to do his assignments. Madam Umbridge arrives the morning of the ball with a set of dress robes that has Fred and George heading upstairs to cackle.

"Fred, George, where are you two going?" Molly asks as they grab bags and floo powder.

"We've got meetings with Gringotts Mum, remember? We're talking with the Goblins about our plans for working for them over the summer then talking to a builder about plans for a store. we'll probably be home late."

"You never told me that." She bleats. "This is the holidays."

"Mum, we've been writing about our meeting in. . ." Fred says, sighing.

"Every letter we wrote home for a month." his twin finishes. Molly glares at them then accios their letters, reading them and shaking her head when she finds they did. She'd skipped over that trying to find news about Ron settling down and growing up.

"Where are Harry and Hermione, they're going to miss the ball." Ron whines to Ginny.

"They told everybody months ago that they weren't coming to the ball, they're at the Ministry taking their OWLS." she sighs, resisting the urge to conjure something heavy to beat him with.

"But that's not fair." he howls. "They're not supposed to choose their schooling over me." He falls to the floor kicking and screaming. Ginny sighs and kicks him in the ribs while the chaperones pretend they're not paying attention. This is going to be a long night.

Molly screams for hours the next day, finally losing her voice. Then it's Arthur's turn to let Ron know how disappointed they were in him. The twins grab Ginny after breakfast and take her to Gringotts to escape the crossfire. They return later that night for dinner to find Ron sulking at the table.

Christmas arrives and Ron runs into the living room start tearing open his presents under the tree that would have magically appeared, screaming in stunned disbelief when he sees the room unchanged from last night.

"We told you that we weren't having a tree or presents this year thanks to money being tight." Molly says from the kitchen. "Now quit screaming down the house and come eat." Ron continues to stare at the wall that should be filled with presents for him until his mother drags him to the table.

Molly hugs the twins and Ginny before they get back on the Hogwarts Express. "I'm so sorry about this break, I'd hoped that seeing how his actions affected the family Ron would grow up. But he won't, and you three suffered for it."

"How was break?" Hermione asks Ginny back in the Gryffindor common room.

"Absolute Hell. Ron whined, sulked, and tried hitting everybody. Mum laid into him every chance she could, there wasn't any presents. . .not even a tree because all the extra money is going to pay off the barrister and pay for the books he damaged. Mum apologized when we were getting on the train, she wanted us to come home for Christmas but Ron acted like his usual bratty self and she lost her patience. She hoped being home for Christmas and seeing how his actions affected the rest of us might make Ron grow up, all he did was whine. Did you hear back about your OWLS?"

"Excellent Marks for both of us in History of Magic and Potions. We're planning on taking them both independently next year if Professor Lupin continues to tutor the NEWT level class. Did Ron make a scene about us not being at the ball even though he already knew we weren't going to be there?"

"Oh god yes, the little prick screamed and ranted for hours when he realized that his 'bestest buds' weren't really there. You were just jealous of his magnificence because he'd been chosen and Hogwart's champion and not Harry. You'd come crawling back to him."

"Yeah," Hermione snorts. "Harry is sooo jealous of the idiot who farted in the direction of the dragon then went off like a blast ended skrewt when the dragon set it on fire."

"Yeah, he couldn't believe you two would choose your schooling over him." Ginny snorts and heads to her room, sighing as she sees presents on the foot of her bed. "Too damn little, too damn late right now Mum." she says.

"Did you find presents on your bed?" Fred asks at dinner.

"Yeah, I haven't opened them. I'm still too angry about Ron's whining all Christmas break." Ginny snorts. "Not that I don't know what it is, another jumper and some sort of sweets." The twins nod. "The same thing she sends every year." Down the table Harry and Hermione nod.

"Are you going home for Easter?"

"Have to see about it. We already told Mum that if he came home, we wouldn't be." Ginny nods. "I've signed up to work in Gringott's, there's no way in hell I'm staying at home with him all summer. Little bastard broke into my room trying to find everything he was sure that Mum and Dad had brought me for Christmas. It wasn't fair that we got presents but he didn't. Don't we know he's the Hogwarts Champion? I had to sleep on the floor for two nights because the little bastard took an ax to my bed and dresser, he was furious he wasn't able to find my presents. I'd have took the ax to him."

"They weren't able to fix them. . ."

"He turned them into kindling. Dad's not happy that he's got to buy a bedroom set."

"It's a lot of money but Ginny can't be expected to sleep on the floor forever. And Dad's still paying off the money he borrowed from Dumbledore for the barrister and setting aside money for the books Won-Won damaged in his temper tantrum."

"Ron's bed stuff?"

"Who wants to sleep on the mattress he's been farting in his entire life?" Ginny shudders. The twins nod. "Besides, that would be mean to him! If I sleep in his room, where's he supposed to sleep?"

"Weasley, do you mind me asking. Is your brother mentally ill or just stupid? My aunt's a psychiatrist, what a healer who deals with mental problems would be in the magical world, and he sounds like a right nutter to me."

"I'm afraid it's the pureblood mentality, they think they're soooo much better than everybody else. My brother just takes it to extremes."

"Ginny, if your parents don't have a new bedroom set for you by summer break, you're welcome to stay with me. Sirius is taking me to Potter Manor, it's been locked up since before I was born, my parents had their own home then went into hiding."

"Thanks Harry, but if I did that Ron would butt in and demand to come along because after all, he's your 'bestest bud'. If Dad hasn't been able to get me a new bed I can sleep in the wizarding tent he brought for the world cup, it was too cold to sleep in it over Christmas, even if we could have set it up in the snow."

"Just when you think your brother can't get any stupider." Hermione shakes her head.

"I know." Ginny rolls her eyes. "Dad apologized for it, but he had to stop giving us allowances, he needs to put that money towards replacing my furniture. Not that that made Won-Won all that miserable, it meant that we didn't have an allowance now either. Little shit."

"Let me know if you need any money Hogsmeade weekends."

"We've got it covered Harry." Fred says.

"We've got money saved from our jobs that we can give Ginny."

"And I've been saving my allowance."

"Harry, Hermione, can we talk after dinner?" Fleur asks, coming over to their table. "Viktor and I have been talking about something and I am troubled."

"Of course, is the Gryffindor common room good or do you want a little privacy."

"Privacy would be good, I think." Viktor rumbles.

"Mr. Potter, Mr. Weasley requires an assistant in the second task. Would you be willing?" Harry is asked a couple weeks later during the first Hogsmeade weekend of the year.

"Fuck.No." Harry snorts, not looking up from the paper he's reading. "Better yet, Fuck you!"

"But he's your best friend!" Madam Umbridge bleats. Cornelius is stunned that Potter told him no. How dare he? Doesn't the little shit know Corny is the Minister of Magic? She's going to have to show him who's the boss when the school year is over. Let's see how brave the little bastard is when she sicks a dementor on his precious family. He's still underage and will use his magic to protect them, then she and her precious Corny will have him. Yes, that's exactly what she'll do.

"No, he is not my best friend. He's a manipuative user and loser. I'm friends with Fleur and Viktor, so I know that my assistance," Harry sneers that word, making Umbridge, Bagman, and Crouch flinch. "Would find me stuck in the bottom of the lake waiting for that fucking fool to rescue me. No. I'm not doing it, neither is Hermione. . .and I've contacted the wizengamot, this is an order barring you from taking any current or former Hogwarts student to use in this travesty." He pulls a parchment with the wizengamot seal from his pocket. He and Hermione both have copies on them at all times because they figured this would be happening. "There are similar orders from the French and Bulgarian Ministries, we all know that Gabrielle would be chosen for Fleur." What Harry tells the three next is rather obscene and would have points taken left, right, and center if they were at Hogwarts. Clapping has him looking around to see Hermione, Ginny, Luna, Fleur, Viktor, assorted Hogwarts, Beauxbatons, and Durmstrang students watching him. The most shocking thing is Professor McGonagall is standing by them smiling.

"Can they do that?" Fudge asks a couple days later, wringing his hat in his hands.

"Legally yes, the Tri-Wizard Tournament does not have the authority to overturn Ministry Mandates. And using an innocent child would see us lynched. We're going to have to use something else."

"But inanimate objects won't have the same affect on the crowd as the Champions rescuing their loved ones. If it was the other way around, Potter would be rescuing Weasley."

"No he wouldn't," Albus snorts. "Harry loathes the little shit. It's only Ron that thinks they're best friends."

"Are you saying Weasley lied to me?" Fudge is stunned. Who would dare lie to the Minister of Magic?

"Weasley lives in his own world where everybody bows down and kisses his arse because he exists." Severus says drily. "When reality intrudes upon his fantasies it's not fair and people are being mean to him."

"I can order the Aurors to take them." Fudge said.

"They would be expecting it and deal violence on the aurors, and any with half a brain would tell you where to shove your orders. You would find yourself in front of the wizengamot again, but this time you'd be the one facing charges.

"They can't do that to me, I'm the Minister." he bleats.

"You're the damn fool who's trying to grasp at straws to make a tournament that never should have been revived something to talk about in awe instead of in disgust like people have been. The Hogwarts champion is an idiot and everybody knows it. The Beauxbaton and Durmstrang champions would not be continuing this spectacle if their magic didn't depend on it."

"But what about the glory of being part of the tri-wizard tournament?"

"What glory? The students had to leave their school for the year, travel to another country and live in temporary quarters while trying to keep their schooling up. Our classes are seen as a joke, Madam Maxine's history of magic teacher has been tutoring the students who are going to be taking their OWLS this summer because Binns only talks about the bloody Goblin Rebellion. If you want to pass, you study on your own."

"But that's a Hogwarts tradition. Having to work for something you want without the help of others prepares you for the future." He howls.

"No, it's called having an incompetent teacher." Albus snorts.

Fudge storms off, he'll show them. Potter will be participating in the second task, whether he wanted to or not. He immediately goes to Bones and is stunned when she tells him the same thing that old fool Dumbledore had, trying to force Potter into being bait in the second task is illegal and her aurors would tell him where to shove his order if he went behind her back. . .or she'd have their jobs and they'd be looking at time on the other side of a holding cell. Then when he went back to the office to try to draft new laws that would allow the tri-wizard tournament to take hostages. . .willing or otherwise he found a barrister from the offices of Dewey, Screwem, and Howe with a letter saying that attempting to force Lord Potter into participating in the second task would see both the Potter, Black, and assorted fortunes under their control leaving the European wizarding world and all the businesses they own or have control of closing. A representative from the goblins arrives next to deliver a letter saying that trying to force Lord Potter into participating would be seen as an act of war. Fudge gulps as he sees a list of their properties, businesses, and money.

That's followed by a simple letter from Sirius Black. You need us, we don't need you. Bother Harry again and we're gone. The European wizarding world would collapse and you'll be blamed. This is your only warning.

Fudge lays his head in his hands, how had everything gone so wrong. Potter should be a meek little boy who would leap at the chance to do whatever the Minister of Magic wanted and should be willing to hang onto every word that comes from his lips like they were Galleons.

One cold morning in February Hermione bundles in the new winter clothes that Sirius had brought her and Harry for Christmas, sipping the hot cocoa Dobby had made for them as they sit in the bubble of warmth that Harry had created.

"Welcome everybody to the second task in the tri-wizard tournament. Each champion has an object in the water that they must get in under an hour to receive points. If they do not retrieve the item, they lose all their points and the object vanishes forever. Due to some . . .concerns about using live people as the objects to be retrieved. . ."

"WHAT?" Yells of outrage from the crowd and Bagman winces. Maybe trying to blame the people who didn't want to be stuck in the water had been a bad idea. Gulping he tries to wave down the complaints. Finally the crowd silences.

Viktor and Fleur are told what objects they will be retrieving and Bagman turns to Weasley.

"Mr. Weasley, your object is signed by the Chudley cannons."

"My contract. My precious." Ron purrs.

"That was an awful Tolkein impression." Hermione sighs.

"Tolkein?" Sirius asks.

"A muggle author, he's got a three book series about a wizard, elves, hobbits, and dwarves who travel across a place called Middle Earth in search of an evil ring that they have to destroy. One of the bad guys keeps calling the ring my precious."

"Hermione, that's an old wizarding tale."

"No, it's a series of muggle books." Harry says. "There was another book that took place before the other stories, it was called the Hobbit."

"Do you have these books?"

"No, but they're usually available in any muggle bookstore." Harry says.

"Write them down for me and I'll pick them up this weekend when I go into London." Remus says. Hermione nods.

"Can I look at them when you get them?" Ginny asks. Neville is looking at them too. "I know the wizarding story."

"Me too, Grams told me the stories as I was growing up."

"And Dad told us."

"And we're off. Miss Delacour and Mister Krum take off their overrobes and dive into the water."

"Accio my contract." Ron thinks he's being sooo clever by accio'ing it. But nothing happens.

"ACCIO my contract." Maybe screaming the first word will make it work this time.

Nu-uh.

"ACCIO MY CONTRACT!" Ron screams at the top of his lungs. It has to work this time. Still nothing. He looks at Viktor and Fleur who have already headed into the water, then turns to Bagman.

"I can't swim." he whines.

"Keep trying Mr. Weasley." he says encouragingly.

"Accio Ron Weasley's contract." He screams, shaking his wand. Saying his name has to make his precious, precious contract fly to him.

"You know, Weasley is an idiot but he does have the right idea." Fleur looks over at Viktor as they arrive at the place they should dive down.

"As my grandmama always said, even a stopped clock is right twice a day. Accio Viktor Krum's object." Fleur follows suit and soon two wrapped objects are by them. Grabbing them before they can sink again, they tie the lines around their waists and start swimming back to shore. Fleur starts faltering and Viktor reaches out, towing her partway until they can reach ground and walk out. They both drop to their knees, Bagman taking their bundles as warm blankets are wrapped around them and they're taken to the medical tent.

"I'm sorry Mr. Weasley, but time has run out and your object is lost to you forever."

Ron drops to his knees, staring up at the sky and screaming. "NNNNNNOOOOO!!!"

"Who the fuck thought sitting outside in the middle of a Scottish winter for a couple hours watching Weasley wave his wand was entertaining?" Malfoy complains as he heads back to the Slytherin Dorm. "My father will hear about this."

"Malfoy's a git, but he was right about this, whoever thought staring at a lake in the middle of winter was a good idea is cracked." Ginny murmurs to Hermione as they head to the Gryffindor Tower. "Thank God for heating charms. Even with them I'm half frozen and I hear Viktor and Fleur are in the hospital wing."

"What are we supposed to do with him?" Bagman asks, pointing at Ron who's still having hysterics. Sighing, Umbridge hexes him and floats him back to the castle, dumping him in his room to scream about how it wasn't fair before she goes off to share a bottle or two of firewhiskey with Corny. Thanks to Bagman's big mouth, the next few days are going to be rough for the ministry. Her pookie bear will be troubled.

"Will you shut up already?" Umbridge screeches at Ron's dramatics a few days later. She still has a hangover from the firewhiskey she'd been drinking to forget the howlers the Ministry has been getting from citizens. How dare they complain about putting people in the bottom of the lake to be rescued, willing or otherwise? It would have made the second task much better than the travesty it was. Somebody had leaked the changes to the laws her pookie was trying to push through and people had howled louder. How dare they tell the Ministry what to do? When she's Minister, she'll push through laws making disagreeing with the ministry an offense that puts you in Azkaban and sending a howler to the Ministry sees you shoved through the veil. And to top it off, Pomphrey had refused to give her a hangover potion. Her! 'If she keeps those types of potions in the medical wing, it will give the students an excuse to drink.' Like she doesn't know the teachers drink. That lush Trelawny is a perfect example.

"My contract, my precious, precious contract." Ron whimpers.

"Get to work."

"How can I possibly work when my precious contract is laying at the bottom of the lake, ruined?" He sobs.

"Is there anything you can do for him?" She asks Pomfrey.

"Beyond a good swift kick?" She says sourly. Molly comes storming into the room, grabbing Ron by the ear and starts rollicking into him. Ron finally stops screeching and sobbing, being pushed under a cold shower and told to wash before she goes out into the hallway.

"If he starts that nonsense again I'll soon get him stopped." She says firmly. "Should we tell him that his precious contract was nothing more than a Chudley Cannons poster that you can pick up in Diagon Alley?"

"No, he'd be screaming about how it wasn't fair and we tricked him." Umbridge says sourly. "And if he still believes that a contract is at the bottom of the lake he might go out and try to get it, whether he can swim or not. The Giant Squid could use a new playtoy." Umbridge's lips twitch as she imagines Ron in one of the squid's tentacles in the windup position in that godawful american baseball that's corrupting the nation. If the children have to play a muggle game, they can play cricket. It's at least European.

Remus smiles as he finds Neville and Ginny waiting with Sirius, Hermione, and Harry when he comes back from London. A bag is handed over and Hermione nods. "Sorry I'm late, I spent most of the week reading the books. They are very similar to the wizarding story." The books are copied for the others and they start reading. By the end of a second week all of the muggle born students and a good section of the purebloods, including most of the teachers, have the books and arguments whether Tolkein is a wizard or just a no good thieving muggle who stole the idea from the wizards are being had in the halls. Unremarkably, most of the students using the second argument are Slytherins who have refused to read the books because they're muggle.

The first meeting of the new Governor's board for the school has them shaking their heads. How could all the problems at the school been aired like that? Not only are they the laughingstock of the European wizarding world by failing to keep a DADA teacher for more than a year, pensieve images of students sleeping while Binns drones on was printed in the papers.

"Except for Lord Black you've all known how bad the school was but refused to allow me to make the changes I've been requesting for years." Dumbledore says, glaring at the man who'd been complaining until he finally has to slump and nod.

"We didn't think it was such a big deal until. . ."

"Bagman opened his big fat mouth and people started investigating." Dumbledore says. "Now our classes are being looked at by the ICW and found seriously wanting. The only one that has a hope of passing is Severus. And that's because he only teaches the first five years in potions."

"As I have told you repeatedly, I have very little free time and refuse to teach dunderheads. If you want me to teach the NEWT level classes, hire me an assistant to handle the lower levels." Snape says sourly. "Black is tutoring Longbottom, Potter, and Granger in potions. He can tell you how much work it is getting the students ready for their tests. If there are no other complaints about how I teach my classes, I am off." Severus storms out, his robes billowing.

"Damn drama queen." Black snorts. "Now beyond DADA and History, is there any other current classes that need work?"

"Muggle studies. The muggle-born students refuse to take it, the teacher wouldn't know how to live muggle if life depended on it. Hermione dropped it last year because the teacher didn't know what they were talking about. Hell, Arthur knows more about muggles than the teacher does and he just plays with his plugs. Muggles outnumber us a thousand to one, there are more muggle-born students arriving every year and we have to show them we're not totally ignorant of their culture."

"What would happen to the current muggle studies teacher?" The same man who'd been complaining sneers.

"I'd like them to oversee the students who are currently taking muggle classes on their own."

"You have students taking muggle classes? They can't do that. Make them stop."

"No, all of these students are muggle-born or second generation half-bloods and plan on going back to the muggle world as soon as they graduate."

"They can't, they're needed here." he bleats.

"Doing what? Most of the purebloods view muggleborn students as little more than trained animals and except for menial jobs with no opportunity for advancement. Unless you're from a prominent family that has their own business, the half-bloods are in the same boat."

"That's a lie." He bleats.

"No it's not. You can check the employment records of the ministry, a good 95 percent of the muggle-born students graduating do not find employment in the wizarding world and leave. And they find themselves at a disadvantage when they're asked where they've been for the last seven years that they're so far behind in the studies. That is why so many of our muggle-born or muggle-raised students continue their studies in their spare time."

"But they can't." he whines.

"Oh yes, they can. There has never been a reason for a student not to take classes outside of what is currently offered."

"I'll make you stop." He huffs, looking at the others. They're giving him disgusted looks and he sulks. "But what about the purebloods?"

"What about them, they've always had the option to take additional classes but choose not to. Currently a quarter of our school population is pureblood and the number is falling rapidly. We expect that number to be less than fifteen percent in five years."

"That can't be."

"The information is in front of you."

"What's causing the loss of pureblood students, Headmaster Dumbledore?" Augusta Longbottom asks.

"A combination of factors. The loss of so many purebloods in the last war, the loss of so many purebloods last year when the Death Eaters were taken out with extreme prejudice along with Voldemort. . .or Tom Riddle to give his true name along with his unmarked supporters, that's why Lord Potter is heir to so many fortunes now, the increase in the number of squibs to those families that can still have children thanks to the lack of fresh blood in their lines, and those children that are magical attending other schools or being homeschooled. A good portion of those pureblood students currently attending are already in betrothal contracts, which precludes bringing new blood into their lines."

"Not that the Slytherins would anyway." Sirius rumbles. "Crabbe and Goyle are nearly squibs, I don't expect either of them to have magical children unless they marry muggleborns."

"I don't like this."

"I don't care. We can't be the laughing stock of the wizarding world anymore. We have to improve our classes. And that means bringing in new teachers. Professors Snape and Sinistra are our youngest teacher by decades, at least a century if you count Binns."

By the end of several days wrangling they have openings for a second potions teacher to teach the first through four years, Dumbledore silently thinks that hopefully potions grades in the other houses will improve and a new history of magic teacher. They'd be advertising the jobs after the Tri-wizard Tournament.

"With Weasley probably leaving after this year, I should be able to afford them." Dumbledore mutters as he checks his budget. He's going to miss the extra money not having to pay Binns. Maybe they'll have another incompetent DADA instructor that he won't have to pay? At least with the need to improve their school rubbed in their face, the board of governors voted to increase tuition, it's been the same since Sirius was in school. And he'd sent a request to the Ministry for more money, not above telling Cornelius he'd tell the papers that the Ministry had refused a funding increase for the school.

"Sirius, would you be willing to help threaten Cornelius if he doesn't help pay for some of this stuff by threatening to pull Harry?"

"Damn straight, Remus and Mirna have been going over his classes and she's been reduced to swearing in French more than once. And I thought Lily had a temper. She's been ordering books for him. If Harry said the word, she'd have him in Beauxbatons in a second. And Remus is looking to head there after school lets out to get some advanced training and help with the wolfsbane."

"She knows he's a werewolf?"

"Yep, she was worried one day that he was 'sick' after the full moon then the next month she came looking for him after he'd excused himself from tutoring sessions. She found Harry guarding the door and pulled him aside, opened the door and just looked at us, sighed Remus, you should have told me, and said she'd see us in the morning."

"I'd hoped that I could offer Remus the history of magic position."

"You and I both know the hardline bigots may be gone, but there'd still be an outcry at hiring a 'werewolf' to teach their beloved children. They'd pull their kids and stick them in Beau. . .Ohhh, that's perfect. Get rid of two birds with one stone."

"Are they . . .close?"

"From the stunned stupid look Moony had that reminds me a helluva lot of Lily when she was pregnant with Harry, I'd say oh yeah."

"Werewolves cannot marry." Albus says patiently.

"Here." Sirius smirks. "They don't have those pesky werewolf laws anywhere else. Remus can also apply for French citizenship. Madam Maxine has already promised him a position there. He's got until the end of the school year to say yes, no, or hold that for me. The only thing keeping either of us here right now is Harry."

"Sirius, you promised us a year to set things right."

"And you have that year. But you haven't been doing much, have you? The snakelets are smarting because they lost a lot of power with so many students being pulled when their families died or went to Azkaban. What's to keep them from turning into another Voldemort in twenty years?"

"The former Slytherin students are being watched closely, if they cause trouble they will be taken out immediately by the international community. We've been shown we cannot govern ourselves, putting an innocent man in Azkaban, allowing a terrorist group to continue to cause problems, allowing criminals off with a slap on the wrist because 'oh, I was under the imperius', and accepting bribes."

"That moron Fudge is still in office."

"I don't see him staying Minister long, the tournament was his last attempt to keep power and he's failing miserably. He's barely hanging on after his attempts to force Mr. Potter to allow himself to be a hostage to Mr. Weasley. And we all saw how that ended up. People are furious that the Ministry would have used humans as hostages and the fact that Mr. Weasley just stood there on shore screaming and waving his wand would have led to his death. And Fudge trying to change the laws so he could force Mr. Potter to participate meant it could happen to anyone."

"About time. I can tell you that 'it can't happen to me' doesn't exist anymore." Sirius rumbles. "You're trying to improve the classes, and you can't tell me that if Bagman hadn't shot himelf in the foot trying to blame Harry for the second task not being exciting you'd still be butting heads with Malfoy about the curriculum and punishing the Slytherins for misbehaving in potions class."

"But . . .but . . .but throwing things in the other students cauldron's is tradition." Dumbledore says in a perfect imitation of Fudge at his stupidest. "Professor Snape always let me do it." Sirius whines in a perfect imitation of Draco at his worst. "You can't tell me what to do, my father will hear about this." Sirius drops the act. "That's exactly the problem, Snivelous lets his precious snakes get away with everything. He's blatant in his favoritism for his house and nobody can miss his utter hatred of the other houses. Hell, just look at his track record of taking points for the most frivolous things."

Albus nods. "I should have made him behave years ago. His little problems with Harry is common knowledge."

"Problems with Harry?" Sirius asks sarcastically. "Are you truly that stupid? The man hates Harry and has been belittling him every class since his first year. The man goes out of his way to cause problems for Harry and you refuse to leash your pet death eater. He doesn't have the protection of Malfoy on the board now, one more complaint against him and he will be terminated, maybe even literally."

Albus tries to bluster and tell Sirius that Severus treating the students the way he does is for the greater good but all his usual platitudes sound like what they really are. . .excuses even to him. He finally nods. "I can hire Slughorn back."

Sirius snorts. "That man and his slug club is just as bad, he's a user. I fully expect him to suck up to Harry as soon as he had a job if you brought him back. Hogwarts needs to hire unbiased teachers. I always felt that having teachers be heads of house was a stupid idea, it creates favoritism. Snape just takes it to the extreme. You have one teacher covering all the years, you need to start breaking it down so there's at least two teachers to a subject. Hell Durmstrang and Beauxbatons already do it, that's why Mirna's been able to help Remus with the students he's tutoring."

"I would dearly love to Sirius, the others complain constantly about not having any free time. And they have their own careers to think of, but I simply cannot afford it. I'd have to raise the rates and the purebloods would have a fit and pull their children."

"Then let them pull them." Sirius snorts. "Durmstrang is a good half again what we charge and Beauxbatons is double. They'd have to pay more to send their precious child to any other school. So they'd either have to teach them at home or keep them here. They've lost all the power they used to have, that fool Fudge is grasping at straws to keep things the way they are. Hogwarts is being left behind Albus, like you said yourself, in ten to fifteen years you don't expect to have any purebloods attending Hogwarts. And muggle parents won't keep sending their children to Hogwarts if they can't keep up. Not when there are so much better schools out there. And trying to put through a law forcing them to attend Hogwarts would see the wizarding world destroyed by the international community."

"I believe Fudge had already thought of that and was disabused of the notion. Telling him no didn't have an effect, even telling him Hell no had no effect, threatening to shove an explosive device up his stupid arse and blowing what few brains he had out might have done the job."

"Sirius, what did you do with the Dursleys?" Harry asks a couple days later, sitting with Viktor, Fleur, the twins, Neville, and Hermione after a day of potion-making. Sirius and Remus had left shortly after they got permanent custody of Harry and had come back smirking.

"Hexed them and sold them to traveling circus that needed new sideshow performers? Your aunt's the new bearded woman, Vernon's the fat man, and Dudley's a baby elephant in the petting zoo."

"They were nearly big enough to be elephants but I don't think most traveling circuses have sideshows anymore?"

"Transfigured them into great whales and beached them on shore?" He says.

"That would have meant somebody trying to save them. Next?"

"Sold them to the London zoo as elephants and a giraffe?" Neville asks with a smirk.

"Ding, ding, ding, we have a winner." Remus chuckles. "No Harry, we didn't do anything. the muggle government has already been after them. Your aunt and uncle are in prison, they were convicted of so many counts of fraud, theft, contributing to the delinquincy of a minor, abuse, neglect, and other stuff they'll never get out. Dudley was involved in a gang and got taken down by Scotland yard, he's in another prison and facing multiple charges of drug, gun, and gem smuggling. He didn't go to Smeldings, he'd been expelled years ago, your aunt lied to everybody."

"Of course she did, her precious Duddy-kins couldn't possibly have done anything wrong, everybody had to be making things up."

"Yep, now tongues are wagging on Privet Lane and the gossips are telling everybody how they always knew the Dursleys were no good thieves. Treating their poor rich, titled, and did I forget to mention rich nephew like that for years. The very idea telling them he went to a school for incorrigible boys when he really goes to a fancy boarding school that has armed security since so most of the students are children of government officials. They were supposed to be hiding you since your parents had been killed by terrorists. The house sold quickly and the money is in your vault, your aunt, uncle, and cousin are all working their asses off in prison to pay their fines, most of which is going to you. Now, changing the subject, what do you two have planned for the third task?" He looks at Viktor and Fleur.

"Weasley has a giant head-start, I thought of grabbing popcorn and watching him make a fool of himself, but Bagman would complain it wasn't exciting." Viktor says. Fleur leans against Harry snickering.

Sirius grins and starts talking, everybody in the room blinks at what he has to say. . .then laughs. The laughter makes Filius and Minerva shudder as they're walking towards the room. As one they turn on their heels and walk away. They're better off not knowing.

"That will be the perfect end to their precious tri-wizard tournament."

Soon it's time for the third task. Ron is pumped and at Bagman's instructions is off and running in the maze. Meanwhile Fleur and Viktor conjure a table, a number of chairs, and playing cards. The twins, Harry, Hermione, and Sirius head to the table.

"What are you doing?" Bagman screeches.

"Playing poker." Harry says in his best 'Duuuhhhhh' voice. Sirius snorts and some of the people watching are either stunned or snickering.

"Are you not interested in the task?" He screams.

"Nope." Viktor says. "Ha. Read them and weep, zuckers."

"Go away, leetle man. You are bozzering us." Fleur waves a hand.

"Do you want Mr. Weasley to win?" He screeches, waving his arms to show how important it is that Ron not win.

"There's as much chance of Ron Weasley winning as I am of Dumbledore, Hagrid, Fudge, and Percy Weasley dressed in muggle tutus and performing swan lake." Harry snorts.

"I'd have thought them dancing in a chorus line like the rockettes myself Harry." Sirius says.

Harry shudders. "Ewww, I don't want to see their dangly bits. . .EWWW!" Fleur pats him on the shoulder in a there, there gesture. Everybody gathered around the table ignores the man frantically screaming around them, idly silencing him. At a pre-set time Remus taps them on the shoulders and they stand up. From under the table Viktor retrieves something and gives a cord a yank.

"Uhn uhn uhn uhn. . ." He leads the way into the maze, cutting through the first wall as Fleur tells him which way to go with the 'lead me' spell she's using.

"What is that?" George asks.

"Muggle chain saw." Harry says idly. "Used to cut down trees or cut up underbrush. Quicker than handsaws."

"Are they expensive?"

"About forty-five galleons, but they're available in most DIY stores." Hermione says absently. The others look at her. "We had to buy a new one after a storm took down some trees at the summer house."

"Do they operate on ekticty?" Neville asks.

"Electricity." Remus corrects gently. "No, they operate on petrol."

"What about the misuse of muggle artifact office?"

"Already talked to Arthur, since it's being used by purely muggle means, there's no problem. I'm taking him to one this weekend, I'll probably have to drag him out." The twins laugh but nod.

"It's right through there." Fleur points at a wall of shrubbery in front of them. Cutting a doorway. . .and reminding himself to pick one of these up for his family, he knocks it into the clearing. They both place their hands on a pole that extends and grabs the cup. Turning around they walk the way they had come, dropping the cup at Bagman's feet. He stares at it, then at them.

"But you both can't win the tournament." he bleats. Viktor shrugs. "We do not care." Fleur nods.

"But what about the prize money?" He bleats. Everybody's staring at them like they have two heads as Ron screams in the maze.

"Give it to Hogwarts zo they might have the money to hire additional teachers and give the students a good education since the ministry will do nothing for them." Viktor says. Fleur nods. Fudge turns red, then white, then red again.

"Thank you Mister Krum, Miss Delacour, but that is not necessary." Albus says, his eyes twinkling. Viktor shrugs then nods to the twins. "Give it to the twins so they can start their own business, think of us as silent partners." He suggests as he extends his arm to Fleur. She nods in agreement, thanks him for being a gentleman, then they walk away with the others.

"But what about the tournament?" Bagman calls behind them.

"I believe the muggle saying is 'that's all ze wrote?'?" Fleur calls behind her as they walk away. Everybody in the stands stares at them, then Bagman, the maze, and finally back at them.

"But the maze?" Bagman bleats running after them.

"Is still there."

"Mr. Weasley is still in there."

"Then I'd suggest sending somebody to tell him the Tournament is over." Viktor calls over his shoulder. "Now we muz zudy for our tests." Fleur nods. "Mr. Weasley might want to stay a first year forever, but we weesh to graduate. We have plans for the future."

Harry keeps a straight face until they're inside then collapses laughing, joined by the others a few minutes later.

"You were right, that probably wasn't a nice way to end the tournament but it was the perfect way to end the tournament."

"Not a bang, not a whimper, but a 'what the hell was that." Sirius smirks. "That's the sign of a good prankster pup. Now, how are you three doing in your classes?"

"Awww, Won-Won won't have the excuse of the Tri-Wizard Tournament not to buckle down on his work anymore." Hermione smirks. "He'll be heartbroken." Neville chuckles. Their friends who'd been invited to the party after the tournament start arriving and they head up to the room of requirement.

"Did they finally get Ron out of the maze?" Harry asks Ginny.

"Yeah, he was stunned to find out he hadn't won the tournament. Moron still thought he was in first place. The cup just had to be around the next corner. He was nowhere near where the cup was, he kept going in circles and hadn't even reached the first obstacle."

"What do you mean you aren't going to take down the maze and fix the pitch?" Albus asks angrily a few weeks later when the quidditch pitch still has a maze in the middle of it.

"I'm not going to." Fudge says, looking down his nose at Dumbledore. "The last task made the Ministry look bad." His 'so there, nyah' is unspoken, but clear nonetheless.

"Don't make me sue the Ministry Cornelius, I have all the paperwork saying you'd make everything look the way it did before the Tournament. And our Quidditch Pitch did not have a maze in the middle of it."

A week later everybody is talking about the headline in the Quibbler.

MINISTRY REFUSES TO MAKE REPAIRS TO HOGWARTS QUIDDITCH PITCH DAMAGED BY TRI-WIZARD TOURNAMENT.

The story takes up the entire paper, Luna had gotten interviews with the quidditch players and Harry holds up his glass of pumpkin juice in salute to her. She smiles as Umbridge rips up the paper at the head table and Albus twinkles his eyes in pleasure.

"What do you mean I gotta take tests." Ron whines as he's drug up to Dumbledore's office.

"All students take tests to show how much they learned at the end of the year." Umbridge sighs as she tosses a pinch of floo powder in the fire. "I don't trust the teachers not to fail you deliberately, so I'm taking you to the Ministry to take your tests. Now quit your whining and get in the floo." Ron tries to get away so she chucks him through the floo and walks through a second later.

"Did the Ministry deliver the results?" They had said it would be a couple of days when she had delivered Ron for the tests.

"Yes, they're right here. I'm afraid Mr. Weasley failed again." Albus says calmly. Madam Umbridge had developed a rather alarming tick and twitching hand since the tri-wizard tournament had ended and the news that Hogwarts was suing the Ministry to repair the Quidditch pitch had been made public.

"What do you mean he failed again?" Umbridge howls, grabbing the test results. They've got to be lying to her. But no, that's what they say. Not one passing mark in any class, despite all her hard work trying not to just AK the little idiot or push him down the stairs in an accident.

"And Mister Weasley delivered this mandate along with the test results. Minister Fudge doesn't like the idea of the boy having his magic bound and leaving Hogwarts, he wants you to tutor him this summer so he can take the tests again." Albus says.

"Gtk, gtk, gtk." Umbridge croaks, her left eye twitching in time with her hands making grabbing motions like she was throttling something. . . or somebody.

"I think we broke her." Severus smirks.

"Good, couldn't happen to a nicer person." Minerva drawls. Poppy sighs and escorts her to the hospital wing, dosing her with a calming potion and soothing her by saying they wouldn't make her teach Weasley over the summer before flooing St. Mungo's to come get her. She's making a list of potions she'll need Severus to make over the summer when an evil thought comes to her.

"I'll come back later, that looks means somebody is going to get hurt." He starts backing up. Minerva and Poppy are two scary women, Poppy because once she hurt you you were stuck with her tender mercies.

"Oh don't be such a baby Albus." She says. "I was just thinking that since Minister Fudge is so interested in Mr. Weasley passing his tests this summer, maybe he'll take a personal interest in the matter and tutor him personally over the summer."

Albus blinks then drops into a chair, laughing hysterically.

"He couldn't be any worse of a tutor for the twit than Umbridge once and perhaps we'll be lucky and he'll end up in St. Mungo's too."

"NNNNNOOOOOOOO!!!!" Sirius looks over to where Ginny Weasley is sniggering.

"What happened this time?"

"Harry got an offer to play for the Chudley Cannons among other teams, Ron's heartbroken since nobody showed up for him. Harry had enough of his hysterics and laid him out with one punch. McGonagall's trying to decide whether she wants to take house points, laugh, or go off somewhere and get drunk."

"School's out, she can't take points." The students would be leaving in the morning, the seventh year students for the last time.

"Right, and it's not nice to laugh at dumb animals, even if they are my idiot brother. She's muttering something about Professor Flitwick and a still . .that and thank God Potter is graduating."

"I'm sure she'll have less headaches next year since you're the last of the Weasleys in school. The twins are playing professionally and putting money away for their joke shop."

"Mum still sighs about a joke shop, but they got excellent marks on their NEWTS. And you can't play professionally forever." Ginny says. Sirius nods.

"Why did your parents bring Ron?"

"Mum hoped that seeing Harry and Hermione graduating might make him feel bad about being such a stupid prat. Personally, I think he'd need brains to be ashamed of his stupidity."

"Is he still living at home?"

"No, mum had a fit and made him get a muggle apartment in London as soon as he was old enough when he tried not giving her money from his pay for food and to pay back everything he'd forced them to pay for over the years, it's close enough to where he's working for the goblins that he can walk, catch a bus, or take the tube. Not all the money he makes working for the Goblins is going to pay off his fines, he could have had it paid off in five years but what would he have done with his life after that?"

"You're sounding muggle yourself."

"Once we got a muggle-studies teacher who knows their arse from their elbow things got better in the class. I don't know if I could live completely muggle, but I'm looking at finding a place of my own when I have the money. Mum's already sobbing about having an empty nest. . .when she's not complaining the boys aren't giving her grandbabies."

Sirius stifles a cackle, having heard that particular complaint from Molly over the last couple of years more than once.

"Did you hear what happened to Malfoy?" Ginny asks, changing the subject.

"No, what?"

"Daddy dearest kicked his arse out of the house, he's having to work and muggle work at that. Malfoy's tired of the little shit telling everybody he's going to tell his Daddy on them, nyah. He's already a pariah in certain circles for having been a Death Eater, having willingly been a Death Eater, or betraying the others by turning his back on their Lord and Master, you name it. He's got enough troubles and doesn't need Draco's crap on top of it, Malfoy's got a decade to shape up or he's permanently out of the family."

"Twit. He knew he was on shaky ground after Lucius blabbed to save his own arse but he kept acting like a prat."

"Yep, he was stunned when Daddy gave him the ultimatim. He went to the Goblins but he'd lost his trust vault and he's working and taking classes from the Goblins about how to live in the muggle world."

"I give him six months before his mouth gets him killed."

"The Hogwarts betting pool is four."

"When are you getting married and giving me a grandbaby?" Molly asks her daughter when she comes over.

"Never Mum." Molly holds a hand to her chest. "I've got another year of school, then I'm going to be playing professionally before I work for the ministry. I don't have a boyfriend. . .hell, I'm not even sure I like boys after having to put up with Won-Won for so many years. If any of my kids acted like him, I'd drown the little bastards."

Sirius hides a snigger as Molly turns various colors before Arthur drags her off.

"She's still dreaming about you and Harry marrying."

"She can keep dreaming." Ginny snorts. "I want a career . .not a family. I've been looking at the infomation on the muggle universities you sent Harry and Hermione, it's going to be a bit of work but hopefully I can attend one day."

"Do you have a muggle identity or school papers?"

"Professor McGonagall has been taking care of that for muggle-born students, thanks to the Ministry of magic Hogwarts is now on the rolls as a non-traditional secular school. I'd need an identity card, but I can get one of those from the Goblins."

A wailing has Ginny sighing.

"Mum KNOCK IT OFF!" She bellows. "I'm not getting married right after school and popping out grandbabies for you. GET OVER IT!"

"Is she going to be okay?"

"Yeah, give her a couple days. Her baby boy should have graduated today if he wasn't such an idiot. She's a little emotional. If it gets too bad, I'll head over to Luna's for a couple days."

Ron died in his mid-forties, being sat on by an egg-laying dragon in a restricted area when he was hiding from the Goblins for a nap. Molly cried and carried on about her life being over but the news that Fred and George were expecting his second and third child with Alicia and Angelina had her tears drying. Ron's body was scraped up and buried in the family plot, Molly still going out there sometimes to rail at her lazy son.

Hermione and Harry never married but had three children over the years, two girls and a boy named Rose, Lily, and James. All three were magical from an early age and started learning magical and non-magical subjects before attending Hogwarts. They stayed good friends with Fleur, Gabrielle, and Viktor.

Ginny never married but went to a muggle sperm bank where she was impregnated on her thirtieth birthday. She had twin daughters she named Beatrix and Isabella, both of whom were the apple of their grandpa's eye though her mother railed for months about her daughter having a baby out of wedlock. When Ginny said that she could leave and her mother wouldn't have to worry about the indignity of her daughter having children out of wedlock her mother wailed louder. Arthur just sighed and continued playing cootchy cootchy coo with the girls. He'd already had a long talk with Ginny when she first announced she was unmarried and pregnant, his daughter had told her that the biological father was her classmate Colin Creevy. He'd given her sperm and she had more stored if she ever wanted more children. But she didn't want to follow her mother's example of popping out children as long as she could have them and decided that two was enough. She threatened to hex the twins six ways from Sunday if they turned the girls into miniature them, then hexed them anyway because she knew one of them had his fingers crossed behind his back. She was their younger sister after all.

Ginny was head of the Department of Mysteries by the time she was fifty. She could have had the job at any time but wanted the girls to be out of school. The old head had officially handed control over to her the day after the girls graduated, then went on a long vacation in Tahiti. She ended up getting drunk that night and tumbling in bed with Colin and swore when she became pregnant again. Colin promised to be there for this child just as he'd been there for the girls. Nine months later a baby boy named James Arthur Creevy-Weasley was born, Ginny had flatly refused her mother's attempts to get her to name the boy after Ron. She was afraid that he'd turn out like his uncle and she'd really have to drown him. Thankfully though the boy had grown up loving books and had been sorted into Ravenclaw.

By this time the twins had a second location in Hogsmeade and had brought out Zonkos since the other company was still trying to get by with their old products and the twins were introducing something new all the time. They'd brought land and had a house large enough for both families and various friends who were popping over, taking the floo to their store when they'd outgrown the apartment over the store.

Harry started making custom brooms after he finished playing professionally. Firebolt had tried suing because he was using another brand broom but since they had no contract with him they'd lost the case and had to pay him damages for using his likeness without his permission. He had a workshop on the grounds of the Potter estate and always had time to fly with his children or the assorted members of the Weasley clan. Viktor went into the business with him when he retired and with two former national quidditch seekers owning the company it quickly took off. Bill joined them after he got too old to be a curse breaker, splitting his time teaching at Gringotts and making brooms.

Neville started bringing the Longbottom greenhouses back over the summer his fourth year after Fleur had introduced him to her father before the third task. With a contract already under his belt, he threw himself into his work and by the time he graduated the Longbottom name was already being talked about and it only grew from there. He ended up marrying Hannah and they had three children, two sons and a daughter.

Susan Bones had a similar arrangement as Ginny did with Dennis Creevy. Dennis was gay but liked Susan and knew that she needed a son to carry on the Bones name. He donated sperm and she had two sons, one that took the Bones name and one that took the Creevy name. Like his uncle, young Michael grew up with a camera in his hands and went to work for him and Luna working for the Quibbler when they took it over. Five years hard work had them overshadowing the Daily Prophet in sales. They ended up buying the other paper when it went belly-up ten years later, too many lies and settlements against them causing the paper to fold. The first thing Luna did was fire Skeeter. It took several years but the Daily Prophet became a respectable paper again.

Life was quiet. . .at least until Molly started demanding great-grandchildren.