This very long story will stay on this archive as it's a treat for the list.
Anya stomped off. Her plans had been thwarted. All she wanted was one single night off to have orgasms. Was that too much to ask? If it was then she and her pookie needed to leave Sunnydale before he got killed. Or she got killed. "I wish that any and all demons would have to help my pookie get away from the bitches in his life!" she complained loudly. Then she realized what she had said, looking around. "Damn it," she muttered. "I'm turning into Willow!"
Halfrek appeared already nodding. "Ya think?" Anya whimpered. "Oh, yeah. Though D'Hoffryn is presently reaching for the drugs." She stared at her friend. Her poor, pitiful, presently human friend. "Did you have to do that?"
"Yes! We can't even get a night off!" she complained.
"Well, now you can." She smiled. "The highers are all figuring out how to enact it. Because, wish granted, sweetie." Anya whined. "Sorry!" She disappeared. The Highers were still talking. "Looking at the former demon that made the wish, it was prompted," she announced. They all stared at her. "Anyanka made it." She smiled. "And it was prompted."
D'Hoffryn looked at his former worker, nodding. "It was. That's a very interesting mark on her soul." They shared a look and he looked at the others. They looked at the mark and they all groaned. That was higher than their level. "How did Harris come to his attention?" he asked casually.
"Who knows. He's the biggest demon magnet in six thousand years," Halfrek complained. "Even I feel the need to cuddle him. Something in him calls out to demons and the slayer essence, which is partially demonic." She smirked. "Which means it's probably the damn hellmouth's doing."
"Perhaps," the higher in charge of the discussion said. "How best can we grant this without getting into trouble?"
Halfrek pulled Xander up, staring at him. "Bad news."
"I heard her," he complained, crossing his arms over his chest. "Give me ten to boot her ass out and lock her out of my accounts?"
"Maybe," D'Hoffryn said. "She won't get any benefit from you leaving the town."
Xander looked at him then took off something he had been wearing since a really weird uncle had shown up just after his eleventh birthday. The demons all moaned. "So we're plotting what now?"
"It was a prompted one," Halfrek said with a wince because he glared at her. "One of the really big names."
Xander smirked and kissed her on the cheek. "That would probably be the guy that my father tried to give me to for enough luck to win back his wife and house during a poker game? Or are we talking the one he begged to save him from going to jail? Either time?"
She looked and whined. "Same one."
He nodded. "Which is why one of his minions showed up to give me this pretty necklace that I should never take off." He let it swing on his finger. D'Hoffryn reached over to grab it so he could look at it better.
"He has you marked as.... Crap!" he muttered.
"Then the only recourse we have is to send me to one of my relatives who needs my special brand of help," Xander said. "I can be their probability generator and prophecy negator."
"You have three distant almost-relations," D'Hoffryn said, looking it over. "One's on active duty."
"Already handled some of the shit I've seen heading their way," Xander said with a hand-wave. "Uncle Jack's too."
"Which leaves the one," Halfrek noted. "They might not understand."
"They can pass me back and forth," Xander decided, looking at the demons. "So help me Goddess if one of you make my life a living hell I'm having myself turned while I'm still sixteen and able to be the biggest hunter ever." He sneered at them. "Because there's no way they'll like demons interfering."
"Good point," D'Hoffryn agreed. They'd have to remove most of his memories so he couldn't do that.
"Protected," Xander quipped in a sing-song voice. "Thanks to Willow's little oops."
The other highers looked him over for protections. "He is rabid to have you," one said.
"Yeah, he thinks I'll make a good mate. I hate to remind him that I'd kill him before I fuck him," Xander said dryly.
"Other way around, boy," D'Hoffryn said.
Xander looked at him and shook his head. "No. Not by any means. I'd kill myself first." The demons shivered because that activated a new protection on the boy. "So. Anyway. Can we please put all my stuff in storage?" he asked Halfrek.
"Definitely, Xander." She smiled.
He wrote out some addresses and handed them over. "I'm using a spare house for some of it. That's the arsenal Buffy might need some day." She whined. He grinned. "The warehouse has my comics and Star Trek stuff."
She patted him on the arm. "It'll be worth some money by the time you're this age again."
Xander nodded. "Probably. They're minorly worth stuff now. Thank you." He whispered in her ear, making her moan and press her thighs together. He winked. "I think you could use their help."
"I can, yes." She changed him to an infant. D'Hoffryn took all the memories he could from the boy. They were blocked off so he couldn't get back to the Xander he was with the slayer. Now he was pure, loving, cuddly baby Xander. Halfrek took him to one of the cousins. She appeared, holding up a hand to catch the knife thrown at her. "Tough shit, boys."
"Who're you?" the commando in charge demanded.
She stared at him. "Halfrek. Over lost childhoods." She lifted the baby onto her hip. "Someone make an oops."
"I don't believe in that shit," he said.
"I'm not here for you anyway, pookie." She looked him over. "You're not even my species and you're a pitiful representation of your people. Not even Anyanka could find fun with that tiny gun." She looked at the other white guys on the team, smiling. The blond guy shook his head slowly. "Talked to Xander recently?"
"My stepsister's son? Slightly. He told me about something going on in his town so I could make sure we didn't get mixed up. I realize that he looks an awful lot like him."
"That's because they wished him away from his friends." She made a few books appear and handed them to the team leader with a grin. "His hunting journal. The books he'll need to protect himself." She shifted Xander to her other hip. "There's three good family choices."
"He can't go back to his original one?" one of the other commandos complained.
"No, I'd have to destroy them," she said happily. "Then he'd get his nephew anyway." She looked at him. "You three need to have a sit down meeting."
"Jack, his 'uncle' on his father's side. Former military buddy who is his godfather, but he's never met. He'll drive them nuts."
"We can't really bring a baby on missions," the team leader complained.
She looked at him. "Putting him safely with a member of the family means that your life doesn't go to hell when you supposedly die in a few days, Franklin Clay. So shut the fuck up." The baby cackled. She smiled. "Do you really want to be considered a traitor and dead?"
"No," he said.
"Good. Then shut up." She looked at him again. "The only other choice outside of his godfather is the son of a friend of his father's. He's also slightly former military but he's established himself out there in a new job so he's on reserve status with the SEALS."
Jensen blinked a few times. "Who?"
"I'll give you dossiers." She created them and handed them over then the baby. "Have fun with the meeting. He was cursed to have help getting away from the slayers. Whatever help he needs." She disappeared.
Jensen looked at the baby. "This is really weird." The baby nodded and grinned at him. "We're in the middle of a mission."
Xander looked around and barked. A hellhound appeared, staring at him. He barked and pointed at Clay. "Helpies?" The dog sniffed him, making Clay back away from it slowly. "Bad guys." Dog barked and sniffed, running off into the bush. He smiled at his 'uncle'. "Nice step-puppy. Thinks she's mommy dog."
Jensen nodded. "That's really good to know." Even though it was wrecking his brain. He looked at his team leader. Who was shaking his head as he walked off to take some alone and swearing time in the trees. The others too. "So, apparently we need to find people to talk to you about." He settled down with the baby in his lap to hack those names. "Oh, hey. We know and respect one of them." He kept going. "The other one does insane shit."
Xander looked and cooed, patting the screen. "Thor!" He beamed up at his 'uncle'. "Thor!"
"Yeah, it says he does fish with Thor. Huh. Thor's a Roswell Gray." He shook his head quickly. He started an email. "How soon can we get back to the US?" he called.
"Two days," Clay ordered. "Can we handle him that long?"
"Yeah." They all looked toward the east when a jet screamed that way. "Was that the place we were supposed to paint a target on?"
"Too close," Clay said. He called their handler. "It's Clay. We have major issues. Someone just showed up with Jensen's nephew. No, down here. Out of the blue. His stepsister's kid."
Jensen took the sat phone from him. "General, Jensen. My stepsister is from Sunnydale. My nephew was apparently being threatened by that op out there that went bad. Someone out there wrote me. She asked a people smuggler sort to get him to me. Yes, here. Apparently they hacked or something," he complained. "That's what we're figuring out, sir. No, he's about a year and a half." Xander grinned and nodded. "No, he's the son of her son, Alexander Harris. Yeah, Xander's son." He smiled. "He had him hidden, that's why none of those idiots found him. I have no clue. Knowing what little I know about out there, I'm not sure I want to have a clue.
"All I know is that my stepsister had him sent to me for his own safety, sir. Xander might not know at all. No clue. We're going to talk to some other members of the family in a few days, when we get stateside again, to see which one of us is taking custody. Well, there's General O'Neill. He's his godfather on one side. There's a SEAL who is the son of one of his grandfather's military buddies. McGarrett. Yes, him." He grinned and shifted the baby some. The dog had come back carrying a head. He snapped and pointed.
Pooch looked and shuddered. "Not who we were here for, puppy, but he's definitely a bad guy we were going to take down soon."
Jensen looked. "Looks like Guiness, sir. Yes, like the beer. Drug smuggler." He listened to the orders. "You want us to trek through the jungle with a year-and-a-half-old-boy?" he asked dryly. "No, sir, the dog in question is a hellhound of some sort. Apparently ripped his head off. The baby called it his favorite steppuppy." He listened to the spluttering. "That's up to you, sir. Right now, I've got to get him to someone more competent than I am to deal with a baby. I'm great and all but my niece is a girl. I have no idea how to change boy diapers." He smiled. "Sure, we can do that. Can you set up that meeting for us, sir? Thank you." He hung up. "We're to head back to Texas."
"Sure," Clay agreed. "How are we getting past the border?"
Xander blinked and they were in Texas in a warehouse. "Fanks!" he called with a grin and a wave at the ceiling. "Good boys." He grinned. "Bus!"
"Yeah, that was a hell of a bus ride," Roque said, looking at the baby.
"I think he meant an incubus," Jensen said dryly, looking at him. "Didn't you?" He grinned and nodded. "Why do they like you?"
Xander grinned at him. "Pretty squealy things."
"Huh." He nodded and handed the baby to Roque. "Let me finish looking these people up. They're both insane."
"Is one a bad choice?" Pooch asked, staring at the baby.
"No. They're both more settled. One gets into battles every now and then for the fate of the world and the other is trying to blow up Hawaii."
Cougar crossed himself and walked off. This was too weird for him. He said he'd scout the area and find them some food. Even if the baby had food appear he wouldn't be eating it.
Halfrek reappeared with a smile. She snapped and everything appeared. "His."
Xander looked then shook his head. "House. Big house."
"D'Hoffryn said the slayer might need that, Xander."
Xander shook his head. "Hates guns."
"Damn." She got some vampires to move it for her. She rolled her eyes. "Anything else?"
He leered and kissed her on the cheek. "Pretty?"
"No, you can't have Anya."
"Not hussy, pretty!" he said, staring at her, thinking it at her. She whined. He grinned. She made them appear too. "Fanks!"
"Toofy?" he asked, pointing at his teeth. She got something from the nearest box to let him chew on it. He beamed and gummed it. He was apparently cutting a tooth.
"That's det cord!" Roque complained, taking it from him.
"Hey!" Xander snatched it back. "Mine!"
"You can't chew on that," Jensen said, taking it and handing him something else. "Chew on that. We'll get you kid chew toys later." He grinned. Xander grinned back and gummed on it. Jensen tossed the det cord at Roque's head. "I'm assuming all the weapons are real?" he asked dryly.
Halfrek grunted. "Apparently. How on earth?" she asked Xander.
He grinned. "Poker!"
"Great." She disappeared.
"I need in at that game," Clay muttered. "Wonder if they serve liquor." He walked off to investigate. "Pooch, Roque, help me. Jensen, keep him calm and occupied."
"I'm doing that already," Jensen said.
Jack O'Neill looked up as someone walked up to where they had requested a meeting. "Who are you anyway?"
"I'm Halfrek." She smiled. "Vengeance over Lost Childhoods." He shuddered, shrinking down some. "Your godson's son needs help. His grandmother sent him to her stepbrother, who was active assignment."
"I only have two god children," Jack said, looking confused. She handed him the file she had created. He looked and swallowed. "His parents?"
"No clue," she admitted. "Not there though. They were facing something huge recently so I'm not totally sure where his dad was. I know his dad was hiding him."
He looked at her. "No more bullshit."
"His girlfriend made a wish so he's a baby." She smiled. "A smartass, eighteen-month baby who likes weapons. It's you, his stepuncle that's an active duty Ranger, or a friend of his father's son. You're almost the most biologically related."
"In my job...."
She held up a hand. "I know what you do, General." She smirked. "The same as he does because as I found out, Thor had crashed a while back and was one of his poker buddies. Things like that happen around Xander in case you hadn't noticed."
"I haven't talked to them since he was two."
"His mother hasn't slurred anything reasonable at him since about the same time," she said, sitting beside him on the picnic table. "You three prospects are getting together in Texas to meet and talk about him. If not, I've got to find him a foster family to be driven nuts. His stepuncle is a lot like you. Very 'okay then' about strange things. He handed the baby off and strolled off for some air for three hours last night because somehow Xander has a hellhound mommy that loves him." Jack snorted, shaking his head. "That was busy taking out drug dealers for him." She smirked at his odd look in her direction. "Exactly. He had me move everything of his out of Sunnydale so the whole artillery collection is also there waiting on whichever one of you takes him. They got very mad that he wanted to teeth on det cord the other night."
Jack snickered. "That sounds like the kid I remember, yeah. The last time I saw him there hadn't been any rain in weeks so he peed to make mud." He looked at the picture again. "My job's just barely above the Ranger's."
"I know. Considering the chaos he helped cause to stop the apocalypse battles where he was....." Jack glared at her. She nodded with a grin. "Backing up a mystical warrioress sort. Whole lots of chaos warping. But he made sure they all survived and so did all you normal folks."
Jack nodded. "Then my program wouldn't be too weird for him."
"No, he already likes you guys." She smiled. "Consider splitting custody?"
"I can consider that."
"Thank you." She smiled. "I'll see you in a few days in Texas." She disappeared.
Jack got up and went to talk to his best friend and teammates. They had to know he was going to Texas and maybe he'd be talked out of trying to claim the kid.
Halfrek showed up in an office building, making the three men and one woman stare. One of them was casually reaching for her gun. "Chill, princess of the surf kingdom." She looked at Danny. "I'm Halfrek."
He sat up, staring at her. "I know about you. What's wrong? It's not my daughter, right?"
"No." She smiled. "I'm here for a different person." She looked at one. "What did your father say about someone he served with named Tony Harris?"
"Not a lot that was polite," he admitted. "I remember he tried to call him a few years back to see if my father could beat his punk son into better manner."
"That would be about the same time that Xander took some artillery from a reserve base to help blow up something that was going to kill humanity," she admitted. Steve gaped. She smiled. She pulled the file.
Chin Ho Kelly swallowed. "I've heard rumors about you. You show up when kids have been very hurt."
"I do." She smiled at him. "I'm over Lost Childhoods. I should've answered his earlier. But now someone's fixed that so he has a second chance." She handed Steve the file. "Your father promised to help him look out for his son."
"I... My father's dead," Steve said.
Danny took the file to look at. "How bad?"
"Still has some of his old memories. He had us move everything before it happened. He's presently teething on some det cord again, which is pissing off his current watchers." She looked up and sent a dirty thought at Clay to make him calm down. She looked at them again. "Commander, you're needed in Texas to discuss his custody. The only other ones that have any claim on him are a Ranger on active duty, who you have met, and a General O'Neill."
"I know about him," he said dryly.
"You know Jensen too."
"Losers Jensen?" he asked. She smirked and nodded. "Why?"
"He's the stepbrother through his biological father to Xander's mother. O'Neill is his godfather and about to go into another humanity ending battle in a few months. We're including you because of your father's promise and you're the most settled."
"I'm not sure I could handle a full time child," Steve admitted. "Grace is great and I love her. It's not the same."
She shrugged. "You three can talk and assign things or else I have to find a foster family. One who can oversee his pet artillery." Steve shuddered. She handed him an address. "There, three days if possible. If not, I'll come kidnap you for a few hours." She smiled and disappeared.
"What was she?" Kono asked.
Danny looked at her. "There's all sorts of stories. She comes when a kid has been really badly abused. She rescues them by granting the kid's wishes for retribution." Kono shuddered. "I almost thought that one in the papers last month was her."
"It was," Halfrek's voice called. She came back and held up something. "Clay's spazzing. Can Xander not play with this?"
Steve took it to disarm. "No, he probably shouldn't since it's not a really nice bomb."
"Okay, I'll tell him he has to find another kitty cat then." They all stared at her. "He said it hisses." She left again.
"Sometimes she shows up as a social worker if a kid that calls out to her asks to be removed to a better family," Chin told her quietly. "Sometimes officers find the kid safely packed in a closet while the family was murdered by an intruder."
"She only comes when kids are really, seriously bad off," Danny agreed. "I've seen her twice now, outside of here. She's not at all nice when the kids need her to be. The other she was being a social worker dropping off a kid on his cousin, who hadn't known that the kid existed before her family had a car crash."
Kono nodded. "So how do they call her?"
"It's like a homing signal I guess," Danny said. "There's others that are called. In New Jersey we had some that came from the one that answers upset boy and girlfriends." Steve shuddered. "One of your Army buddies?"
"Navy, and yes. They found him in a sleezy motel with his skinned dick in his mouth. He was tied up and looked horrified that it had been removed. He bled to death very slowly. They left one tiny vein uncauterized. The ME said that it probably took a full day for him to bleed out." He rubbed his palm on his knee to get the sweat off it. "Rumors were heavy about what had happened."
"I've had one ex I wished something like that on but it never happened."
"Ah!" Danny said, holding up a finger with a smile. "It's when you meet them and say 'I wish' in front of them that it happens. They have to appear and grant it."
She nodded. "So if she only shows up for the really damaged ones, what happened to this kid?" she asked, taking the file. She read it over, going pale. Her cousin Chin took it to read over and he didn't look much happier. He pulled up a records search of the guy's name and found a few interesting things. "He did what?" she muttered, reading over his shoulder.
Steve looked and called someone. "Get me a dossier on someone please?" he asked politely. This particular secretary could kill him with her thumb nails so he was always polite to her. "Remember Rodney? The one that got him's coworker just showed up to talk to me about a kid my father made a promise to watch out for." That got a grumble but they pulled it up for him when he read the number off the file on the table. "Thank you." He went to his email to pull it up. His choking and spluttering made Chin print it for them.
"That's a battle," Danny said. Chin found files on it online. They watched it and Danny was gripping the data table's edge hard enough to dent it. "They're just kids," he muttered. "Who in the fuck is letting kids do that at their graduation?"
Steve watched. "That's him," he said with a point. "He's leading the battle. Or at least a section." Kono walked off rubbing her arms when the school went up. Steve nodded. "So apparently he did inherit some skills," he decided.
Danny stared at him. "Do you want that to go to someone who can't train it?" he asked quietly. "Someone who can't help him get back to that but more sanely?"
"No. I don't think I could handle it full time though. He's a toddler, Danno."
"Yeah, I remember Gracie being one." He straightened up. "Anything else on him, Chin?"
"The mall thing she mentioned." He played that video. "Nothing made by man, charming," he said dryly.
"Guess we know why he stole it," Danny quipped. "Anything else?"
"A kill on sight order if he's outside his town," Chin said, finding that on the end of the email to Steve. "From a classified project." Kono came back to help him hack.
Steve looked. "Don't." They paused to stare at him. "That's sealed and NSA will show up to talk to you about that. I heard peripherally about that unit's court marshals. They moved it to the secret courts and had to call in a specially appointed judge." He crossed his arms over his chest and scowled at the data table. "That's bad."
"How bad?" Danny asked. Steve shook his head. He poked him hard on the bicep. "How bad?"
"Torture bad," he admitted, shifting how he was standing. "Capturing for testing bad." They all nodded. He input a file number. "This is something that I know got out at one time." They watched that single testing tape.
"Sickos like that, they deserve to be the shower bitch," Danny spat. "I'll be damned! Is that still running?" he demanded.
"No. Not that I'm aware of."
"Then why the warning on the price on his head?" Kono asked.
"Because some higher ups are really unhappy that civilians took down a special project," Steve admitted. "Two Wiccas, a construction guy, a former librarian, and one mystical warrior valley girl wannabe." She whimpered, shaking her head. "Yeah." He pointed at them to identify them. "They only have a price on him and one of the Wiccas. Apparently they consider them critical but easy?"
"The other price is on the blonde girl," Chin said with a point. "But she's also listed as recently deceased."
Steve nodded. "Figures." He walked off. "I'm apparently going to argue with people in Texas."
"At least you'd get his new pets that hiss," Danny quipped. "Means fewer requisitions of things."
Steve smirked. "That might be a highlight." They shared a look. "I'll be back in a few days." He left, heading home to pack a small bag and arrange a flight. Chin texted him the time and flight number of it. That was nice of his people.
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