Okay, today's the day. The day that they learn not to mess with *me*. I am the baddest of the bad, the meanest of the mean, the mammajammest of the mammerjammers. I . . .
Sound like a bad black explotation movie. Okay, note to myself. Lose the monologue. That's what gets the mad scientists in trouble in the movies. The hero always takes the opportunity to kick their asses six ways to Sunday while they're spouting shit.
There he is, the bane of my existence. That *hero*. . . I'll . . .
Damn it mom. . .I was *this* close. No. . .ohhh yeah, right there.
"Your cat was stalking me again."
"He's a baby Tony, what's he going to do? Shed? Purr you to death? Claw your shoelaces to pieces?" Pepper continues scratching the kitten behind the ears.
A few days later Tony comes into the office, handing Pepper a hissing, spitting bundle in a towel. She unwraps it to find her kitten, fur standing on end. "Your *monster* attacked me in the shower." He walks off, tugging his towel back around his hips when it starts to slip.
I *hate* water
Pepper looks at the pair of socks that Tony tosses on her desk on the way into his office. She picks them up, finding the unmistakable claw marks.
"How the hell do you get into his dresser?" She asks her kitten who's watching him with a smirk. Sighing, Tony will be *impossible* to be around she sends off an assistant to the store to buy a new package of socks. They come back twenty-five minutes later with three, two going in the bottom desk drawer.
Tony sighs and reaches on top of his head, hand wrapping around the kitten that had jumped on his head. He snarls and refuses to let go of the hair he's pulling. Pepper giggles and takes the kitten, finally convincing him to let go.
"At least we know he's going to be a fierce hunter when he grows up." Clint says, looking over at him.
"Not.Helping." Barton's slight smirk says it hadn't been intended to. Tony feels his hair, looks over to where the bane of his existence is purring in Pepper's hands, and starts the DVD again.
Pepper looks over at the weird sound, finding her kitten dragging a shoe down the hall by a lace. Tony is following him, lifting the shoe and kitten into the air. Tony holds the kitten in one hand. "Listen you, I know you're full of piss and vinegar, but leggo the shoelace brat. You already ruined three pair."
And I'm going for number four, puny *hero* Fear my wrath, I am the great bla. . .err, he looks down at himself brown striped with a white chest hunter. Hey! No fair. You cheated. You took the shoelace while I wasn't looking.
Tony hands off the kitten to Pepper and settles in the chair next to her desk to put his other shoe on.
"GYAHHHHH!" After that scream a smug kitten saunters out of Tony's bedroom, leaping from floor to wastebasket to chair to the desk where he accepts Pepper's petting like the proper homage due the fierce king of the jung. . .err office.
"What did you do to Tony *this* time?"
"The little pest was sitting on my face with his claws out when I woke up. At least as small as they are, they can't do any damage."
Hey! Nobody disses my claws Mister.
Tony yelps as he sucks at the three red lines that appear on the back on his hand at the lightning fast swat of the kitten.
"Serves you right." Pepper says with a grin.
Die, puny human. Die!
Tony lifts one foot, the kitten ignoring his change in position in favor of gnawing on his foot.