Not Into That. by voracity

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A few weeks later, Darcy limped into a certain throne room on Asgard, glaring at the staring idiots. She stared at the guy on the throne. "Why oh why is Midgard dealing with Asgard's enemies?" she asked bluntly. The guy on the throne sat up straighter, staring at her. "Why were we forced to deal with an enemy using magic, and other unnatural forces of energy, against humanity when that's *your* job?"

Loki pretending to be Odin blinked at her. "I knew not that we had enemies, chit."

Darcy glared at him. "Really? She proclaimed herself your wife." Loki flinched. "And said she was taking over in the name of Asgard. Since someone wasn't there to hold up his vow and promise, we had to handle your supposed wife for you." She tossed down a broken scepter. "I think you'll find she's in a lot more pain than we even gave Loki when he tried his stupid maneuver.

"We're all injured and there's still six of her minions trying to rampage around. It's pretty sad when the one who vowed to keep pieces of shit like that wench from us are hiding." She gave Thor a dirty look when he stomped in. "Oh, by the way." She tossed down something. "He showed up too," she told the pretend Odin. The white hair and beard showed who it had been if you were observant. "We don't care if he diplomatically visits but he was raging drunk and had to be brought down for his own safety and ours. Pity."
She glared at Thor when he cleared his throat. "All your battle buddies are in the hospital. Some for many more weeks. Because *someone* forgot he made a promise. Is your mother proud of that?" She walked off, nodding at Jane. "Your boy's in trouble with us. He should probably not come back to earth for a while considering it was his enemies that tried to rip up half the world." She got escorted back to the bridge and home. She went to the hospital to help take care of the Avengers. They were in quarantine to keep people and agents away from them.

One of the agents gave her shit so she tazed him and walked over his twitching body. "I think you're an idiot," she said bluntly as she walked over him. "I'll make sure someone else knows that later." She got signed into the ward and went to check on them, handing over things they had asked for. "I diplomatically as I could chewed Thor a new one," she told Steve as she handed over some magazines with a smile. "Because if I was his mom, I'd be disappointed he forgot he made a vow."

Steve stared at her. "That's mean, Darcy."

She smiled. "Thank you. I get to go pick up my dog later today from the vets." She went to visit the others, including Kate, who got her tablet. "You better yet?"

Kate shook her head, holding onto it. "Concussions suck, Clint was right."

"Yeah, they do, kiddo." She patted her foot. "I've got Cutey at my place with Lucky and I'm picking up Conor later. She'll be fine."

"Thanks, Darce."

"Welcome, Katie." She went to check on Stark last. He was hating being restricted to his room, without much of anything of his, and the nurses and agents were trying to keep him there. She handed over her phone with a smile and a wink.

"Stark is not to have technology," an agent shouted, rushing for her.

Darcy looked at him. "Watch me destroy you," she said with a smile. "I did learn a lot as a lab intern." The guy flinched, backing away. "As a matter of fact, I'm pretty damn sure Stark can afford a personal care nurse at home. I can check with Pepper about that." Stark nodded he could. His jaw was partially wired shut. She texted Pepper, who agreed he had one as soon as he got released. "Good. You've got one coming today, Stark." He grinned as much as he could. "So let's get you guys home. I'm sure the facility has medical people?"

He nodded. "Are they good enough?" He nodded more quickly. "Excellent." She used her phone to call someone. "Some of the Avengers members are ready to go rest at the facility upstate. Do we have a ride for them?" She smiled. "It's nice to hear from you too, Melinda. Why are you with the dogs?" She nodded once. "Cool. No, I had to taze someone already and an agent's getting huffy I lent Stark my phone.

"Please. I've seen seven, but they won't let me see two of them: Sam and Bruce. Pleasure, dear." She blew a kiss and hung up, tossing Stark the phone again. She smiled at the glaring nurse, making her grab a weapon. "I didn't know they were in that sort of custody, Nurse. If so, then they should probably have presented a warrant." The nurse huffed off. Agents came in and she nodded at one. "Skye." Coulson had introduced her to the young one to mentor her into a stable agent.

"Darcy. We can handle getting them up there. Stark held up the phone with a typed message. "Yes, including the Young Avengers members, Stark. They deserve it. Where are the other two?"

"No clue," Darcy admitted. "They won't let me near them."

Stark's new message read "Fuck it, you know how to calm Bruce down better than most people and there's no reason for them to have Wilson quarantined from us."

Darcy smiled. "That's very true." She looked at Skye, who pointed at two agents to go with her. "Hey, Lance." She shook his hand and they walked off, going to find those two. She unlocked Sam from his gurney and let them roll him off in a wheelchair. Then she went to find Bruce. No Bruce. She tapped her fingers as she looked around. "FRIDAY," she called loudly. The AI monitored wherever Stark was. It was part of his security team and system. She had to have ears on the local computers at least.

"Yes, Miss Lewis," the AI responded from an agent's phone, making him flinch.

"Where's Bruce? He's not on the same ward and we're evacuating them to the facility upstate."

"He's not in this hospital and hasn't been since the day they were admitted. Falcon saw that, that's why they had him locked away from the others. I have searched for him but as far as I can tell he's in Texas at an older research facility that they tried to claim. I do have to warn you that there's many snakes around that area. No one's stopped them because they were a secondary security measure."

"Great," she agreed. "Can you tell Bucky?"

"I have texted Mr. Barnes that information at your request, adding that to the end, and he said he would handle it," the AI said.

"Thanks. Tell him if he needs me to call. I can't do much but I can damn sure do some things."

"Of course, Miss Lewis. He answered back that he would if he needed you. Otherwise he was taking a few of Miss Bishop's almost teammates with him."

"Greatness." She walked off with the agent. "FRIDAY found Bruce in Texas," she announced to the being moved crew. A few glared at her. She smiled. "I asked Bucky to find him."

"I almost feel sorry for those assholes," Clint said dryly. "Clearly that head injury did bad things to me."

"If mercy comes from a concussion I'm going to hate that," Kate said bitterly. "Because I have no mercy for those sorts." She looked at the agent pushing her wheelchair. "You're cute in a double vision kinda way."

He smirked a tiny bit. "Married as well. I have a daughter about Cassie Lang's age."

"Pity but hopefully she'll do great things for humanity without being a thug." He nodded. She looked at Natasha, who was grimacing and silent. "Is that your 'I need painkillers' face or 'I'm going to murder someone' face?" she asked bluntly. "Because I need to get out of the way and I'm kinda slow right now," she admitted.

Natasha looked at her. "I would rather not be riding in this chair, even though it is hospital policy. I can walk."

"You have a broken ankle," Clint reminded her. "It'll take at least a week for it to heal." He gave her a look. "I'm healthier than you are this time so I'll go see if Barnes needs backup later."

"I've already told him I'd go help," Darcy quipped with a grin. "Because I'm mad enough to change color myself." Sam gave her a dirty look. She smiled at him. "I emailed your mother's facebook page. She's not real happy you weren't allowed visitors and said if I could get in, to tell you to answer your email with at least pictures. She wants to yell about hero stuff and injuries."

"Yeah, she's a mom," he agreed dryly. "She'll yell while babying me."

She hugged him around the head. "She sounds neat." She took over pushing him and looked around. "Someone find Rogers and Stark?"

"On the next elevator," Skye assured her. "We won't let them be taken, Lewis."

Darcy smiled. "Great. Thanks." She got them loaded into the vans and helped Steve in last, making him sigh as he sat down. "All in? Got your mags and stuff?" They all nodded and patted their plastic bags of effects. "Greatness. Be safe, guys." She closed the door and let them go off. She looked at Skye. "What can I do to help?" she asked with a smile.

"Go throw a fit in the press. We can't."

"Done," she sad, waving a hand. "Started that last night." She smirked a tiny bit. "I also went to diplomatically chew on Thor for forgetting he promised to keep Asgard's shit up there."

Skye winced. "He won't be happy."

"I'm not happy. Though it did feel pretty great to beat that whore from up there." She walked off. "Let me go make sure people know Barnes might need help."

"Sure, thanks," she said, smiling and waving at her back. She looked at the other agents. "Why isn't she one of us?"

"She's a social justice sort," one of them said. "She wanted to work with charities."

Skye nodded. "She's going to be a scary mom some year."

"Only if HYDRA gets her," that agent quipped.

The others stared at him. "That's her?" Lance Hunter demanded with a point.

"Yeah, that's the one HYDRA wants to bear super soldier babies."

"Wow," Skye said. She shook her head. "Maybe she's got a lot of skills we can borrow on occasion."

"You tell Coulson. He tends to avoid her," Lance said. Melinda walked up to them. "Barnes went after Banner."

"Great."

"Lewis offered to come with him to help," Skye said.

"I'm pretty sure if she wanted to she could do some damage," Melinda May agreed. They followed the caravan of heros going to rest at home. Just in case someone tried to do something stupid.

They really had to talk about Stark's drones with lasers later. They were handy but creepy. Helpful but creepy.

***

Darcy was let into the room Barnes had put Banner into, kneeling beside the bed. "Hey, big guy." She petted over his hair, making Bruce wake up. "Hey." He glared at her. "Barnes rescued you from the idjits." He slumped but nodded. "We're halfway home. Everyone else is there and accounted for. You're going to be okay. You're wearing the sedatives out."

"Am I whole?"

"They took some blood and bone marrow it looks like. You're not missing anything external that we can tell. Do you feel like you're missing your liver or something?"

He snorted, shaking his head, but holding his forehead. "I have a headache."

"Sedatives, Brucie." She patted his hand and stood up, handing him a bottle of gatorade. "You lost about ten pounds in the week they had you."

"Crap." She helped him sit up to drink that. He gulped it and moaned, holding his stomach. "I need to do that slower."

"You do what you gotta do," she assured him, staring at him. "You've got a day and a half of traveling by car. Just me, Barnes, and you. The few that helped him rescue you have already been evacuated back to NYC since it was official sorts that had you hostage." She stroked over his hair again, then pointed at the table. "Soft stuff, but protein heavy? And a few sweets to pack on that weight?"

He looked at the pastry then at her. "How is that protein?"

"It's mincemeat." He smiled slightly but shook his head. "I figured you could eat that."

"I can eat that," he agreed. "Thank you, Darcy."

"You're welcome and I'm making sure you make it back up there to them. I have to get my backup phone from Stark anyway. I leant it to him while he was locked in his room in the hospital."

"That sucks," he agreed.

She kissed him on the temple. "I know. He does too. His jaw's partially wired shut. FRIDAY found you for us."

"I'll thank the AI later." He opened the second gatorade bottle and sipped it more slowly. "I...." He looked around the cheap motel room then at her. "Laying low?"

"Yeah. You've got some sweats to change into after your shower in there. We're leaving about three." He nodded, getting helped up and into the bathroom. She let him handle his own needs while she waited. He managed to shower and use the bathroom plus the toothbrush she had left in there, then came out to eat and finish off the third gatorade. He could rest for a few more hours.

***

Darcy looked at the security team at the avengers facility, not recognizing them. "Who are you guys?"

"Stark Security, ma'am. I need to see ID."

She held up her ID. "I'm Darcy Lewis."

"Ma'am, you're not on the allowed list at this time," the guard said.

Darcy called. "Pepper, can I come in?" She put her on speaker.

"Darcy is always allowed in, people," Pepper said coolly. "She's a former lab person. We adore Darcy. Let her and her compatriots in."

"Yes, ma'am," the guard said stiffly and let them in.

Barnes looked at her before driving in. "Wow," he said.

She smiled. "I'm a good girl."

"Sometimes," he quipped. "The dogs?"

"With Miss Elizabeth for a few hours more. I'll go back to pick them up later." They parked and she got out to help Bruce out since he was sore and couldn't move easily. "Here we are. One Avengers facility." She smiled at him. "Infirmary or your suite?"

"I hate the infirmary but I probably should," he admitted. He let her help him walk inside, nodding at them. "Cho."

"Banner," she greeted back, taking him from Darcy. "Are you okay?"

"Barnes said they took bone marrow and blood," Darcy said, handing over a picture. "When they found him. I've had him eating protein heavy and gatorade because he's lost weight. I started out with gatorade and mincemeat pastries for the protein and a bit of sweets to help him gain some back."

"That's wonderful," she agreed. "As long as he could hold it down."

"If he was more dehydrated I would've stuck with soup." She smiled at Bruce. "He ate about three hours ago. He's sore around his right side and his hip." She waved. "Let me go get my phone back so I can get the dogs."

"They're in the lounge," Dr. Cho said with a smile. "Clint had them gotten."

"Thanks. Mine too?" She nodded. "Even better. I miss my puppy and he likes to cuddle. Feel better, Doc." She went to check on her poor dog, who barked happily and climbed into her lap to cuddle. "I missed you too, Conor. You're a good dog." He cuddled her. She patted beside her, getting Lucky and Cutey hopping up next to her to get petted too. "You guys are all very good dogs. I missed you guys."

Bucky walked in, getting barked at. He paused to pet them then walked off. "Let me check on Stevie."

"Sure. I was going to head back tonight."

"That's fine," Bucky agreed. "It should be safe."

"We hope," she said dryly. "Have they found those minions?"

"Two of the six," an agent said as he came out of the kitchen. He stared at her. "Who're you?"

She smiled. "Darcy Lewis."

"Why are you here?"

She smirked at him. "Look me up. I have a SHIELD file."

"I can throw you out."

"I can kill you," Barnes warned. Then he smirked. "It'd be great stress relief since we don't know who you're with." The agent backed away slowly.

Steve limped out slowly, glaring at the agent. "Leave Bucky and Darcy alone. They're not part of the Avengers but they're helpful to us." He looked at Bucky. "Bruce?"

"Bit tired and sore. She took him to Cho in the infirmary."

"Good." He looked at Darcy. "Conor curled up with me last night."

"That's funny. He won't cuddle me when I'm asleep." She looked at her dog, who lapped her. "Okay, you can cuddle him and protect me. I know I'm cuter so I need more protection." She petted her baby again.

Steve smiled, shaking his head. "Sometimes, yeah. I can't be flirty like you are." He looked at Bucky. "I'm fine."

"I can see that," he said dryly, staring at him. "Limp and all?"

"Um...." He looked at himself then at Bucky. "I'm fine."

"Uh-huh." He pointed. "Go back to bed. I'll handle it for now."

"Thanks." He glared at the agent. Who walked off quickly. He smiled at Darcy, who grinned back. "Your apartment block okay?"

"The last time I was there it was okay but no power."

"They should have that on by now," Steve said, limping off with Bucky following him.

Darcy looked at the dogs, who all barked and got more pets.

Clint strolled out. "Hey, dogs." They all barked happily at him until he petted them. "Good dogs." He grinned at Darcy. "We have power as of tonight. So you can go back tomorrow."

"Did they remember the dog food?"

"Yeah. Though your apartment was broken into by someone. Miss Elizabeth used that when she ran out of the food you left for her." She nodded with a sigh. "So we'll go home tonight with Katie Kate." He went to get coffee.

"Agent Barton, you are not allowed caffeine yet," the AI said impatiently.

He looked up. "I get coffee or I'm going to blow up the agents who're glaring at us."

"I do not believe anyone would care if you did," the AI said dryly. "The doctors said no caffeine for another two days. We do have decaf you can make so you can ingest coffee flavor at least." He scowled. "I cannot let you harm yourself. That would mean you couldn't go home as soon."

"Whatever," he muttered, making decaf but writing on the pot with a grease pen that it was decaf. The others would kill him if he didn't. He came out to sit near Darcy and get his own dog to cuddle. Cutey sniffed and ran off to find someone else.

"Awww," Kate said with a grin as she joined them. "Cutey found Natasha again." She flopped down with a groan, laying on her side. "Cutey, come cuddle the human." She ran out to do that. She grinned at her dog. "Hey, baby. Make me feel better." Cutey laid on her stomach to be a warm spot while getting petted. Her dog was a great PMS helper.

Natasha came out, shaking her head at Kate and Cutey. "She's an adorable, fussy dog," she told Kate. "But I do not need it." Conor got down and came over to sniff Natasha then licked her arm that had stitches, making her flinch. He barked and knocked her down to lick her injuries for her. "Darcy," she said firmly.

She smiled at her. "I believe the dogs think you do need fussed over, Natasha. C'mon, Conor, let her nap. She needs to rest but she'll baby those later." Conor lapped one on Natasha's cheek then got back onto his human's lap to cuddle her. She gave him a dog treat from her bag for being so helpful.

Natasha sighed as she got up, going to get some water then going back to her room shaking her head. Clint looked up once she was out of hearing range. "FRIDAY, tell me you got that on film," he begged quietly.

"Of course I did, Agent Barton," the AI replied, sounding happy. "It was adorable."

"Thanks. Can you copy me a version?"

"I can do so. It's in your suite."

"Thanks." He went back to teasing his dog, getting lapped for it. He'd make a second copy later to send to Coulson. He probably needed some lighthearted moments.

Darcy smiled at Clint. "Did they ever show up to clean up their mess?"

"Lady Sif did," he told her. "She scowled that you were rude."

"Well, someone did promise," she said dryly. "His mother would probably be ashamed of him for that."

"Probably for promising to help us," Clint said. "They're all too happy to have him home."

"Hmm." She shrugged. "I tossed the beard hair I yanked out too."

Clint grinned. "Good job." She grinned back. Stark limped out looking like he was in a foul mood. "Lucky, look, it's Stark." Lucky hopped down to go nudge Stark's hand until he got a pet. Then Lucky pounced him to lap his face. Clint laughed.

"Clint, he's got bruised ribs," Pepper said, but she was filming it on her phone. She handed Darcy the one she had leant to Stark. "Thanks."

"Welcome." It got put into her bag and she went back to petting her dog.

"Okay, I love you too, fuzzy ass," Stark mumbled. Lucky got off him with a bark and went back to his human and the dog treat Darcy tossed him. Cutey got one too. Then Conor got a second one. Stark sat up with Pepper's help, looking at Clint. "Mean ass," he mumbled. He trudged into the kitchen and moaned. "Barton!"

"You are not allowed to have caffeine for a week, Mr. Stark," the AI said dryly. "You may have decaf coffee, it does have minimal amounts of caffeine in it so that should do you well. Until the doctor clears you it's decaf tea or coffee. You know that. We really must follow Doctor's orders," she finished with a bit of chipperness.

He glared at the ceiling then grunted and got some decaf, going to his suite again.

Pepper waited to giggle but followed him. "He's in such a grumpy mood from coming down from his caffeine addiction."

"He would probably nap if he had some encouragement," Darcy said with a smile for her. "It sure helped when I was sore the last time."

Pepper blinked. "I didn't think he was up to that but maybe." She went to check and Stark was more than happy to accept the hand job to put him back to sleep for now. Pepper cleaned them up and came out to talk to Darcy about things. It was so great Darcy could handle things.

***

When they were back in the city, Darcy was back at work for Pepper and the Maria Stark foundation so she had to deal with a grumpy Tony. She walked into his lab around lunch time, staring at him.

"Don't want any," he said, sounding pissed off.

"You only have to make two decisions about your mom's foundation's annual event. Black tie or not?"

He stared at her. "Why do I have to decide?"

"Because it's your mom's foundation," she said dryly. "You have to decide black tie event or not. And if you're doing a plate-charge dinner before then to raise money for that charity or others as well as hers." She put the papers in front of him.

"Do you think people would come? They're still mad at us about the last battle," he said, tossing down his penknife to stare at her.

She nodded. "It wasn't your fault Asgard came down here on spring break," she said dryly. "That's been put around often. Even Lady Sif told the press that were bothering her it wasn't your fault but you guys did an admirable job of handling things that Thor couldn't get to due to his present duties." She pulled it up on her phone to show him that press attack of the goddess.

Stark blinked, frowning at it. "That's nice of her."

"Everyone's said that. The only one that's still mad is the mayor. He thinks that they come here because you're here. Many people have pointed out you're here because they come here."

"True." He sighed, looking at the event. "A costume ball?"

"Pepper's idea. It's close to halloween and you can use the fees if you do the dinner for something like Make a Wish or some other children's charity." She shifted the pages. "If you wanted just black tie, this is the same as you do most years."

"I hate being typical," he said dryly.

She smiled. "Then hold a charity barbeque event." He blinked at her. She stared back and shrugged. "You can. It's your mom's foundation. Do what you think she would've been amused by."

"She didn't like black tie events but she had to endure them."

"We all feel like that. Gowns aren't comfy jammies, Tony."

"Point." He looked over the ideas. "The barbeque idea?"

"Came from someone on the board. Cheaper to throw, less per plate or serving brought in, and you can donate the leftovers to a few shelters."

He considered that. "That might be nice but a black tie after that would seem weird."

"If you have a few hours between them it could help. Do that charity dinner as a late lunch?"

"That might be nice. Half could probably go to the rebuilding fund I guess." He frowned, looking it over. "How long do I have to make a decision?"

"Two hours. The foundation's board meets later this afternoon." He scowled at her. She stared back. "You weren't up to dealing with it last week and we all realize that, Tony. Your jaw just got released two days ago."

"Point. I guess." He sighed. "Why do I give it out on my mother's birthday?"

"Because it's to honor your mom and since she didn't win any major awards, this is uniquely her date. With whoever else was born on that date of course but uniquely hers in relation to your family."

"Point. I guess." He sighed. "I don't want to throw one. It'll look wrong." He looked at her.

"Okay. Do you want to do the charity food thing? That's not uniquely related to the Maria Stark foundation and you can benefit other charities. If you had to, you could announce the awards during it."

He shrugged. "I'll consider it." He walked off.

"Okay. Let me know in the next few hours. Want some tylenol?"

"No, I've had plenty," he said dryly.

"You're watching over the liver problems, right?" she asked patiently. He glared at her. "What? It can cause liver damage." She shrugged. "We all heard that." She gathered up the papers. "Eat something too please. Pepper told me to nag you."

He snorted but let her go and got back to what he was doing. About an hour later, his favorite chinese food was being delivered by security. He stared at the note that wasn't how Pepper would've worded something, even though it was sent in her name. He checked to make sure it wasn't drugged then sat down to eat and think. He texted Lewis to come talk to him. She walked in pulling back her hair with a hairband in her teeth. "You didn't have to order me dinner."

"I didn't. Pepper's assistant did when she told her to. I'm just barely back in the tower after meeting with two major donors who're hating on everyone this week."

He winced. "Why are they hating us?"

"The idiot minions destroyed the park they paid to have put in."

"Oh, that." He nodded with a grimace. "You didn't order me anything?"

"I pulled up what you used to eat for her and let her decide. I see she picked Thai?"

"Chinese," he said, eating another bite. He stared at her. "What new assistant?"

"Melinda."

"Who?"

"The short, blonde woman who looks like she's pregnant and isn't?"

"I haven't seen her." He called up security footage. She came over to point. "Huh. Is she any good?"

"Four degrees." He looked at her. "All in humanities. One in psychology. She's right out of her last degree. She does a lot of liaisoning between the various departments. Except the labs. One of your minions nearly blew her up when she walked into his lab to charm a report out of him."

"She should do like you did and threaten to lock us out of the labs if we didn't provide them," he said sarcastically. Then he ate another bite.

She smiled. "It worked didn't it?"

"Point. I guess." He looked her over then her hair. "Board meeting?"

"Yeah. I need to be presentable." She finished pulling up her hair into a better bun. "Need me to tell them anything?"

"No. I think it'd be wrong to hold it while we're doing so much rebuilding. I'm thinking about the multi-charity dinner though. Or lunch or whatever. They need to give me a week on that."

"Okay, I'll let them know."

"Did you know that Pepper babied me?"

She smiled. "I suggested a tiny bit would help you rest but I'm pretty sure she realizes that you never got fussed over when you were injured before. She nagged you about them mostly." He nodded, eating another bite. "Be a good boy."

He snorted, smirking evilly at her. "Me? A good boy?"

She smirked. "Well, try anyway. Pretend like you're Bruce." She walked off.

He settled in to eat and plot. That was almost a challenge to cause a bit of hell. Though he'd spare Pepper because he never wanted her mad at him.

***

Darcy smiled at the board as they walked in. "Good afternoon. I'm Darcy, I'm filling in for Pepper's assistant this time." They nodded at her as they sat down. Pepper came in scowling. "Huge problems?"

"Stark's building an emergency kit." She settled in her seat, looking at the others. "We're here about the Maria Stark Foundation's yearly event. Darcy, you talked to Tony about it?"

"I did. He felt doing the black tie event was improper due to the damage being fixed right now." They groaned and a few winced. "I did float the idea of a multi-charity dinner or luncheon. Even if he wanted to hold a barbeque event since that was a suggestion given. He said to give him a week to think about that."

Pepper nodded. "It would look cold of us to be holding a charity giving event that had nothing to do with the current problems going on I suppose. We can introduce the grants some other way."

"I also pointed out if he was that concerned, a multi-charity fundraiser could send some toward the rebuilding fund," Darcy told her.

She smiled and nodded. "Not a bad idea. A barbeque?"

"Simonal suggested it during the information idea meeting."

"Oh, that meeting. I remember most of it." She shifted in her seat to cross her legs. "All right, so we need to decide on who's getting the grants this year. We need to figure out how we're gifting them formally. Then we need to do some searching to make sure that the chosen charities won't bite us somehow with some underlying issue. We've had that happen before."

Darcy looked over all the possible on the list. She made a note on them so they were projected. "These ones I know do work with shelters, mostly family shelters. These three are education related," she said. Then she crossed one out. "That one's been in the press because they're apparently discriminatory." She looked at Pepper after crossing out another one. "I don't think they need that."

"They could use it," one of them complained. "We decided on them."

Darcy looked at her then smiled. "My mother might be honored but she'd say it needs to go to people who're making a bigger impact in the world than I am in her name." The woman flinched. She smiled. "Give me a few years to be doing more than gifting small grants. Then nominate me."

"I can see how that would happen," she said, clutching her pearls.

"Yes, this is Darcy DeCriths, most of the time Lewis," Pepper introduced. "She does charity work anyway and was looking for a new one to work for since there was pressure from the troll uptown to fire her for promised grants he's never paid. I needed someone who knew what they were doing."

Darcy shrugged a bit. "I'm still handling my mother's foundation at night but we're still building up to a full fledged endeavor. The only thing I don't know about is the government paperwork and I'm still figuring that stuff out."

A few smiled at her. "At least you do have an idea. Usually Pepper's assistants are there to do research for us."

"Oh, I do that too," she quipped with a smile. "It's really handy." Her phone was beeping a warning sound so she looked at it. "Oh, dear. One of the running idiot minions pulled up a huge octopus and put it onto the troll's tower. So apparently he's pissed off others as well as me." She answered quickly then put her phone up. "I'm sure Sif will have a lot of fun with that."

"That's kind of mean," Pepper told her. "To make Lady Sif deal with the troll."

She smiled back. "I doubt he'll try to molest her the way he did me."

"Hopefully she'll cut off his hand if he does try," Pepper agreed. Another warning sound. "The other minions?"

She looked then sighed. "The idiot troll pulled out weapons he shouldn't have. Huge weapons he shouldn't have." She looked at her. "Want me to tell him?"

"Please. He's pouty today."

"He's still healing. His jaw's still killing him." She got up and went to talk to Stark. She walked into the lab. "FRIDAY, lose the tunes and turn on the local news please?" Stark flinched but looked at the screen. He burst out laughing. "FRIDAY, the weapons," she said. That made him quit laughing and look. Then he moaned. She looked at him. "Can you call someone?"

"I can," he agreed. "Or I can go disarm the pathetic Hammer trash."

She walked over to look at him. "You're not healed yet," she said quietly. He snorted. "You can't bend down to disarm anything, Tony. Call someone and be a teacher?"

"Maybe," he said dryly. "I can go as myself instead of as Iron Man."

"Thanks." She squeezed his wrist. "Cap's been bouncy in the gym according to a growling security guy."

"No, it might hurt him." She nodded and stepped back. "You care if I get hurt?"

"Yeah. You're an old friend. Why wouldn't I?" She stared at him. "And really, I'm saving Sif from having to cut off his hands for trying to grope her."

"That might be nice." He went to change clothes and went to handle it as an expert. She was right, he was too tired and sore to be active in his suit. He got out at the boundary the NYPD had put up and walked through them, making a few glare. "I can disarm the weapons," he quipped. Lady Sif turned to stare at him. "Hammer Industries puts out trashy materials but there's a small chance it might work. We'd hate to blow you up, Sif."

"Thank you, Stark." She stared at his face. "Are you all right?"

"Two days off a partially broken jaw," he said dryly with a grimace. "How's Thor and Jane? And Emma of course."

She grimaced. "He's very mad at Lady Darcy."

"If Darcy chewed him a new one, it was her right." He stared at her. "If you had made that promise, we would've chewed on you too."

"Point," she admitted. "She could have been more diplomatic."

Tony stared at her. "We sent her before we sent someone who was growling with an injury, Sif." She grimaced but nodded. "Darcy can be diplomatic if she wants to be but she had the right to chew on him for forgetting he had made that promise and not keeping your people's problems up there. Or the other one."

"We saw that hair. We know not who it came from."

"Ask the SHIELD people. They have him in custody." He went to look at the weapons, pulling over the guy in the bomb squad suit. "It's Hammer tech."

"That figures," the bomb squad guy said. "Do you know how to disarm them?"

"Yes I do. It's all shitty tech." He gave him a look. "Though it figures that he bought that trash." The NYPD guy was trying not to laugh. "Let's start with that one since it's active and it's a crapshoot if it'll go off as more than lights." They got to work on them and got the artillery all disarmed. People came to protest them taking it into custody but Tony punched one. Tony stared down at the younger troll. "That's for the women you probably assaulted last night. In your case, blood told." He went back to work.

The Mayor stomped over. "What are you doing?" he demanded.

"Keeping your friend, the internet troll, from blowing up the city," he said dryly. "It's kinda the job we do some days." Steve stomped over. "Cap, no. Your shield might spark and set something off."

"I can keep it on my back and covered," he said, doing that with some help from Sif. "Thank you, Lady Sif. Do you want help with the dying octopus?"

She pointed. "It's dead but large and smelly now."

"We can have it hauled off," Steve promised. He looked at the stuff. "Stark, I can hear a whine," he said with a point.

Tony moved to check, finding it after a few cases. "Shit."

"That's not the one I heard," Sif admitted. The bomb squad officer came over to find the other ones. They got them disarmed and broken then went back to the other ones. Sif looked at Steve. "Are you well?"

"Now," he admitted. "After four days in the hospital and then a week of limping." She winced. "Thankfully we managed the main problem after Darcy pounced her to beat her like a girl fighting other girls. We were mostly down so she beat her like they were having a bar fight." He grimaced then sighed. "Thankfully we managed to break her scepter first. Her minions were cheering on the girls fighting because they wanted them to tear clothes."

Sif grimaced. "Minions are often stupid. I have not seen the coverage of that yet. No one will let me." Tony threw his phone at Steve so he could look it up. She watched it, grimacing at what was going on. Then she stiffened, staring at the raging old man. "That is Odin," she said quietly.

He looked at her. "We noticed that." She stared at him. He stared back. "No clue otherwise. Ask SHIELD."

She handed the phone back, going to find a SHIELD agent. Coulson himself was waiting on her. "Odin is sitting on his throne," she said.

Coulson nodded. "Supposedly. Some people can see through illusions when they drink mead apparently."

"Then who is it?"

He stared at her then sighed. "Loki."

"It's impossible. He's dead!"

He blinked a few times. "There must be some way to make sure of that." He pointed. "I can lead you to the jail. He's partially catatonic. Won't answer any questions or anything anyone says to him."

"Is he in Odin Sleep?"

"No. He's staring at a wall." He led her down there, letting her see that prisoner.

She stared at him. "Father Odin," she said quietly. He stared at her. "Prove to me who you are and I will tell you of your wife's ghost."

He stood up, stomping over. "She bothers others?"

"She had Thor recalled with his wife and child. We thought you still sitting on your throne."

"No. I ...I went on a quest of peace after losing her." He looked at himself then at her. "Sif, I..."

"If you are injured, we will get you treated."

"Some wounds are not healed, Sif."

"As I understand but have not felt." She stared at him. "None understood when Lady Darcy threw your hair at the throne's feet after nagging Thor for forgetting his promise to keep Asgard's problems on Asgard or fight them if they came down here."

He snorted. "I would yell at such myself. I cut the hair off."

She nodded once, stepping back. "Father Odin, I will find the one on your throne's identity."

"It matters not," he said bluntly. "Nothing can change Asgard wrongly."

She stared at him oddly. "They could if it was your second son."

"Nay. It is set so even if I died and Thor could not come back, it would run for now. Would my wife's ghost know of that?"

"Probably," she admitted. "She and the supposed you were meeting in private when Thor and Jane came up with his daughter."

Odin stared at her. "I have a granddaughter?"

"You do. Emma. She is three and mouthy but not interested in science or being a warrior yet."

He smiled slightly. "Frigga would have loved a granddaughter. She always wanted a daughter to fuss over." He went back to the bed to sit down. "I will rest now, Sif."

"I will talk to Thor, All Father."

"Nay. He needs peace at the moment." He stared at her.

"If I do not, there's those who would harm your granddaughter," she said bluntly. "For her half-human heritage."

Odin grimaced. "There's many of us that need to awaken to the rest of the universe. I hope they do not have to do so when my son implants his hammer in their skulls but perhaps after the first one they will learn."

"Nay, they have not," she said bluntly. "Twice now." Odin winced. She looked at Coulson. "Can I bring him home?"

"He's not under charges but we kept him to keep him safely away from those who would use him as a test subject and to see if he needed help." He opened the door. "If you take him home, that's up to you, Sif. I trust you to have sense."

She nodded. "I do. I will bring him to my home to rest and heal." She looked at Odin, who stared at her. "I do not just live in the palace, All Father."

"True. You are a good woman, Sif, and a wonderful warrior. Make your life about more than that before you find you missed on everything important." He stood up. "I missed years with Frigga while warring with others," he said quietly. "There's many regrets I have and would gladly do over if I could."

"I'm still trying to find someone who is worthy of me, Odin. Should I, I'll gladly appreciate them in my life as often as I can." He nodded, patting her on the arm. "Come, let me get you to my home." She nodded at Coulson. "Thank thee," she said quietly.

"It's not a problem, Sif. Though we would rather not see Loki back down here unless he's saving the universe."

"I said I would behead him if he harmed Thor. Perhaps I'll just punch him instead." Odin snorted, shaking his head but went with her. She led him to a clear field. "Heimdall." The bridge came down and he walked over to meet them. "You knew," she said bluntly, staring at him.

"I do see all," he said. "It has been allowed to go on because it cured some strife." He helped Odin onto the bridge then Sif. "Your wife's ghost is agitated today but mostly about Emma having some sort of fever." He took them back to Asgard. "Sif, the Council would like a report on what happened."

She nodded. "It was not pretty. I finally got shown footage of it earlier." She took Odin to her home then came back after grabbing a few things she would need. She reported to the Council's chambers, looking at them. "Thankfully I copied the news coverage to my own device on my way to SHIELD's base." She let them see it, including Thor and Jane. She looked at Thor. "Two of the minions stole a sea creature to threaten someone with and let it die." He shook his head with a grimace. "I talked with Captain Rogers as well. He is now well, after over a week of healing." Thor slumped, staring at her. "Stark was not jovial or even smug as he disabled his enemy's weapons."

"Oh, dear." He went back to watching it, staring at Darcy jumping the young woman. "Why did she do that?"

"Because no one else was," Sif said. "No one else stepped in to stop her." She ended it once the minions had run off. Before Odin appeared to throw a fit. She put it back into her bag, looking at Thor again. "We should talk."

Thor looked at her. "You can accompany me back," he noted. He looked at Jane, who smiled and nodded. "Can Emma travel?"

"Yup. It'll do her good to get away from the people I have to kill." Thor nodded. Sif looked at her so Jane looked back. "Someone tried to sic their animal on her earlier."

"Hmm. Darcy has a dog as does Clint and the nice Kate."

"Perhaps she'll learn to like dogs," Thor decided. "Thank thee for the report, Sif. I will be going back with you tonight."

"That's fine. We can eat before we go, Thor." He nodded and left with Jane to pack them up. She looked at the Council. "Need you anything else?"

"Nay," one said quietly. "Are they all healed?"

"I have not talked to many of them." She shrugged. "They are keeping safe at the moment." She bowed slightly and left to talk to her other friends. They all wanted to come with Thor and Jane, and adored Emma. Hogun had saved her earlier when the animal tried to attack.

Sif met up with Thor that night on a balcony. "Come, we must talk," she said. She looked at Jane and Emma. "Fandral, we will meet you on the bridge in an hour?"

"As you wish," he quipped, walking off with their packs and the others.

Sif took them to her house, letting Thor walk in first. Thor stared at who was sitting at her table. "Father," he said quietly. "I...."

Odin looked at him. "I realized what he did, Thor," he said. "It will not cause any problems for Asgard right now." He stood up to hug him. "I am on a quest to find healing and peace."

"Mother's ghost is floating around the palace," he told him. "I can have Jane summon her."

"I... I would have disappointed her, Thor." He looked at him. "I was not the husband I should have been. Learn from my mistakes?"

"Of course. I am always there for my Jane and our daughter." He walked out and brought her in with Emma. "Jane, my father."

Jane blinked at him. "Odin, are you well?" she asked quietly.

"No," he said, looking at her. "You are a fierce defender of my son, Jane Foster. I like you for that much alone, even if I do worry about what happens when you leave him."

"Father, we are merging. We're just over halfway through the ritual," Thor said with a smile for his wife.

Odin smiled. "That will be good, son. That means you cannot be left behind." He looked at the child. "You are something your grandmother would have wanted, young girl. She always wanted a daughter to dress up and teach girlish things to."

"Grandma and I talk all the time," she said, smiling at him. "She helps me do my hair." He nodded, carefully hugging her. She hugged him harder. "Hugs heal things," she reminded him. "Mommy taught me that." She pulled back to look at him. "Grandma would beat you to death with a shoe for pouting."

He smiled. "She was feisty that way, yes." He cuddled her, looking at the couple. "Make sure she grows up worthy of your hammer so therefore the throne, my son," he said quietly. "We can have a queen for the first time."

Thor smiled. "They all wanted Jane to have a son but her body is not liking that state very much, Father."

"A spare heir is important but not important enough to harm her, Son. One will come to be when necessary, even if you do adopt one as I did. Though, do not let prophecies rule your lives. It can sometimes be odd and weird."

"I find most of them to be less reasonable than my goat's droppings," he admitted. Odin smiled and nodded. "We must go back with Sif, Father."

"That's fine. I will be questing to find peace for a while yet, Thor. If you're needed, we will summon you back. With what happened, I can see why you adopted Darcy. She is quite the woman, and mouthy. See if she'll give you a spare heir."

"I'd hate that," Jane said. "And so would Darcy. She's fighting people who want to force her to breed for them."

Odin grimaced. "I heard some of the agents talking of that subject. Hopefully they are gone soon, Jane Foster." He stared at her. "You must be a fierce guardian of more than his life. You must also guard his heart. It is what Frigga did for me when battles became too frequent."

"Of course I do."

"Good." He smiled at his granddaughter. "You are special and wanted. No matter what those who need sunlight introduced into their brains think." She smiled. "Go with your father, Emma. Be safe and well. I'll see you soon." She nodded, going to climb up her father to cuddle him. "Be safe, Thor. Things are difficult right now but may become worse later."

"I will, Father. Write or call if you wish."

"I will, or perhaps visit. Midgard is not like our past. They have many amusing things." He nodded and they left, Sif handing him something before following the family. He unwrapped the picture of Sif with Frigga, smiling at it. His wife's ghost floated in and he stared at her. "I quested for peace," he said quietly.

"I have nothing to give you peace with, Odin. Have you found it in other places?"

"Not yet," he said. "Though I do appreciate and like our granddaughter so far."

She smiled. "She is sweet and strong. She'll make a fine queen."

"The first of Asgard to rule," he agreed. She gasped. "You proved to me constantly that women were worthy and able to rule, Frigga. I may be hidebound but not that way." She smiled and nodded. "We can talk if you are not tired."

"I do not get tired any longer, Odin. That is a mortal problem."

He nodded, settling to talk to her. They had much to clean up before he could rest with peace.

***

Darcy looked up at the sound of thunder, shaking her head at the assistant's look. "FRIDAY, was that Thor?" she asked.

"Yes," the AI said. "Plus his friends, wife, and child, Darcy."

"Thank you. Tell them I said welcome back to Midgard and everyone's in the movie room."

"I can do that." The AI cleared her throat up there. Thor blinked at the speaker. "I'm FRIDAY, Lord Thor. Darcy Lewis said welcome back to Midgard and all your friends are in the movie suite."

"Thank you," Thor told her. "Are they well?"

"They are all healed."

"Excellent. We will help them stop those other minions," Sif told him with a smirk.

"Please do as they are annoying a subway station today," the AI said dryly. "The locals have not asked for help yet."

Thor kissed Jane and Emma on the cheeks and nodded, swinging his hammer. "We will go make sure they know what true Asgardians are like, FRIDAY. Please lead my wife and child to the movie suite?"

"Of course, Lord Thor. Lady Jane, they're in the next floor down to the east and up the two stairs."

"Thank you," she said. "Be safe, Thor. And the rest of you too. I can't bandage like Darcy can." She walked off with her daughter. The Asgardians went to beat the stupid minions that hadn't been captured yet. She found the movie suite and something boring playing while almost no one paid any attention. She sat down in a seat and let Emma down, pointing at someone.

Her daughter gave her an evil smirk and snuck over there to pounce someone, staring up at him. "Why can't they just blow up the walking trees?" she asked.

"Because Middle Earth doesn't have explosives," Tony said, sitting up to hug her. "Welcome back, Jane. Hi, Emma."

She grinned. "Hi, Unclie Tony." She smiled at the others and waved, getting one back from everyone. She heard a bark and flinched, climbing up Tony to sit on his shoulder. "Is it mean?"

"No, Lucky's not mean, Emma," Clint said. "Lucky, c'mere." He got up and came trotting over to his human. He took Emma from Tony's shoulder, putting her into his lap. "Most dogs are friendly but you should never try to pet a stray and always ask their human if they can be petted," he said. "This is Lucky, he's my dog, and you can pet him. Lucky, this is Emma. She's tiny so behave." Lucky sniffed her then lapped her. Emma squeaked but stared at him. "Here, you pet a dog this way," he said, taking her hand to pet Lucky's ear, making him groan and lean on his thigh. "See, he likes it and you." He grinned at her.

"That's still a big animal," she said, staring up at him. "They're mean."

"They're not mean. Most dogs aren't mean and if someone tried to have a mean animal attack you I'll put an arrow in them for you. The animals here in the tower aren't mean. Especially not Lucky or Cutey."

"I think Bishop brought her little dog home," Tony said, looking back at them. "Emma, most dogs are nice and protective."

She bit her lip. "I guess I'll get used to them then." She leaned forward to pet Lucky again, getting lapped. "Eww, drool!" She sighed, looking at him. "Is that necessary?"

Jane laughed. "Yes, dear. Dogs lap when they like you."

"Oh. Okay. I guess that's okay too." She petted him and Lucky didn't lap her. Clint let her stand up. Lucky was as tall as she was and he sniffed her again then let her pet his ear some more. That got another careful lap and she just hugged him. He knocked her down to cuddle her, making her squeak again but she could pet him this way she guessed. "You're really furry. Not like horses are." She petted him until he snored. "Are you taking a nap?" she asked, looking up at Clint. "He's snoring like Daddy!"

"He does that when he's comfy and napping. He thinks you're sweet. We'll teach you how to play with him later."

"Okay. That's okay, right, Mom?"

"That's fine, dear." She looked at Stark. "We're back for a while and Thor brought his buddies."

"That's fine, Jane. We can get her a nanny again." She smiled at that. "I'll see if her last one is available." He sent a text message to Pepper about that. "Pepper's in Malibu again but she said she'd look tonight."

"That's fine. I can handle it tonight." She looked around. "It's really quiet."

"Labs are shut down today due to an exhaust fan problem that'll be fixed late tomorrow," Tony said. "Only the office staff here and Darcy's working with Pepper about the foundation so she's downstairs somewhere. I'll tell her you're here."

"She sent a greeting with FRIDAY."

"Awww." He sent a text message anyway and Darcy came up to hug her. Tony got pounced by Conor, making him look at him. "Why are you here?"

"Because I had to take him to the vet's to get stitches out," she said dryly. "Hi, Emma." She waved under Lucky's head. "Conor, get off Tony. Come meet Emma. We protect Emma from everything we can." The dog hopped down and came to sniff Emma, who stared up at him. "Conor's really sweet and won't hurt you, Emma. He's had some ouchies recently so don't touch anything that's shaved but he's a good boy."

She let Conor lap her, which woke up Lucky. They both lapped her. "Lots and lots of drool," she said, wiggling some. Darcy tickled her, making her squeal and get away. The dogs rushed after her to play chase. Emma grinned and ran faster, letting them all chase her. She finally got pounced by Lucky, who sat on her butt to lap her hair. "You winned." She looked at Conor, who lapped her face for her. "Thank you I guess."

Darcy smiled and winked at the kid, taking Conor with her. "C'mon. We'll go clock out for the day in case Jane wants to do dinner."

"We ate before we came back but we can have lunch tomorrow."

"I have a two o'clock meeting but we can do that." She hugged Jane. "Welcome back." She waved. "I'm done for the day. Let me get back to Bed-Stuy and fixing the problems that someone nicely gave my door." She left with her dog, talking to him about Jane and Emma.

Jane looked at Stark. "Wow."

"The was some looting after the problem," Clint told her. "We both got broken in on but her security system got most of them. They only got her tv and laptop. She's getting the security company to come check everything tonight."

"That makes sense. Is she still being hunted?"

"One sent her a note of appreciation of how well her future baby daddy was training her," Clint said dryly. "Showed it to Bucky and he threw a fit so that one's hopefully waiting in the line to hell."

Natasha looked back at Jane. "He is." She looked at Clint. "Her specialized security system is broken?"

"Not totally. Her safe room door got kicked a few times by someone. They broke her fridge. They broke the front door so the shock system's down."

"Shock system?" Jane asked dryly.

"Yeah, you touch the door wrong without using the code and it knocks you back down the stairs," he said with a smirk. "It's very handy."

"She can still expand it to the under-door area," Scott said from his seat. "Because it doesn't touch down there yet."

Clint grinned at him. "She might've done that on purpose for you."

"Could be," he agreed. He smirked some at Stark. "I heard a rumor I had to stop earlier before I let Steve smack someone."

"What now?" Stark sighed.

"That Pepper was going to hire Darcy as our team stress relief. According to them, someone in Legal is drawing up the contract."

Stark blinked a few times. "Um...no. Just...no. I'll fix that shit tonight and tomorrow." Scott grinned at him. "I don't think she'd mind if anyone flirted with her and hit on her, but we're not hiring her as stress relief. I'll make sure Pepper knows that's going around now." He sent that to her and she sent back a 'I'll fix that'. "Pepper's not pleased either." He shook his head, looking at the kid staring at him. "What's up, shorty?"

She snorted. "I'm perfectly normal."

He leaned closer to her. "No you're not. You're really exceptional. We don't do normal around here, Emma." He smirked at her. "Therefore we know you're more than exceptional." She snorted but patted him on the cheek. "Seriously. Ask your mom."

"We had to fight with some of the courtiers," Jane told him. "By human standards, you are ahead, Emma."

"Really?" Jane nodded. "Huh. Cool I guess." She skipped off, going to let the dog sniff her again. He was snoring so she sat next to him to pet him. He shifted over to put his head in her lap so she petted him better while she hummed.

Jane smiled at the group, who mostly grinned back. "She's learning how to read, people."

"We can teach her words," Stark said. His phone beeped so he uploaded the news to the movie screen, letting them watch Thor drag out the minions to be arrested while his buddies dragged the other three. Sif had one and two of the guys had one. The other one was fussing over his bleeding nose but kicked one of the minions on the hip for it. The agents responding quickly loaded them up and let Thor tell them what had happened. They had to remove a dead whale from the subway station but it'd be open once they did. The minions hadn't done a lot of damage.

"The minions give other ones a bad name," Scott quipped. "Even the yellow ones are better than those ones are."

"Don't tempt someone to find magic to turn them into those sort," Jane shot back. "Asgard can do that."

"If so, we're giving them to a bunch of child geniuses," Clint said dryly. "They can tame the minions. Stark, if you have kids we can give them those minions."

"My kids will make their own minions, Barton. They don't need some ready made for them." He got up and walked off, calling Pepper about that situation with legal. FRIDAY had given his phone a copy of the contract someone was trying to make.

***

Darcy came in the next morning and instantly had a text message from Stark to come to the labs. She sighed but logged in at her desk then went to the labs. "Okay, I'm here, what's the emergency?"

He turned to look at her, Pepper on the screen behind him. "Has anyone talked to you about another position within the company?"

"No. I've heard the usual rumors that I'm stress relief," she said, leaning her hip against a table. "Has someone insinuated I was more?"

"Someone was making a contract in Legal to create a job opening," Pepper said. "They said you agreed."

"No." She shook her head. "Even if I might not mind knocking a few of the guys into bed, or Natasha for that matter, I know what not interested means, Pepper. I'd never push it and they're all adult enough to come ask me for some fun times. I'm picky, not stupid. And I'm not going to let that happen, especially since most of them have significant others."

"Thank you," Stark said with a sigh, smiling at her. "We traced back the talk to someone talking to you in the caf."

She frowned, shaking her head. "The only talk I've had with another employee in the caf that related to business stuff was one asking how you applied to move up to an executive assistant position instead of hers in HR. I told her about the hiring board." Stark queued up the video for her. She frowned. "That's not me, Stark. Wrong hair."

He enlarged it onto a virtual screen, then stared at it. "That's not you. Who is that?"

"Harvana in Chem," Darcy said. "We used to joke about us being missing twins." She scratched her ear. "And she's not talking about another position. It looks like she's interviewing?"

Tony replayed it, staring at it. "It does. She's talking about an assistant's position."

"That's the same one that asked me about how to apply for better jobs," Darcy admitted, frowning at it. She looked at Pepper's image, shrugging some. She shook her head. "Interesting I guess. I'm still only for fun, not for permanent things right now because no one's interested in dating me. Apparently I have stress." Tony shot a glare at her. "Seriously! Even in the club, couldn't get hit on. The most action I saw was dancing with Clint's ex-wife and some of her team. Then Clint."

Stark blinked at her. "Seriously? That night?"

"Yeah, that night. A few different clubs, didn't get any play. The girls got some play at one." She shrugged one-sidedly. "It happens. I'm not in the prime of clubbing years anymore."

Stark shook his head with a sigh. "If you wanted a spot as stress relief, we might all agree on you."

She moved closer to punch him on the arm, making him yelp. "I'm not a pro, Stark. I don't charge for it and being paid for it would make it dirty. Besides, most of them are dating and I'm not a trashy ho. I know what taken means and I know that they're not interested because no one ever flirts back with me." She stared at him. "You couldn't pay me enough to unleash my spectacular skills. Much less the minuscule paycheck you hand out to your minions.

"Beyond that, that'd mean I'd have to give you blowjobs and ewww, I remember seeing you when your tiny little speedos got shredded while water skiing. That's how I found out dicks weren't all that the books cracked them up to be," she said sarcastically. "Because you're not a porn star. That's not sexually transmitted no matter how many you've had in your sheets. Or other places."

"Mouthy ass bitch," he complained but he was smiling. "I'm good and big enough to be one."

She snorted, waving a hand. "Barnes has more and I've only see his in sweats."

He rolled his eyes, getting away from her. Pepper was giggling so hard she was snorting and trying not to snot up. He looked at Pepper's image then her. "So how do you want to deal with this? I'd rather not have to settle a lawsuit."

Darcy smiled, pinching him on the cheek. "Thanks for letting me know I have to unleash my semi-evil leanings on someone in Legal, Tony." She strolled off, taking her phone with her on the way down there. She smiled at the head of Legal, who was giving her a dirty look. "Great, you're here. We need to talk about someone who didn't talk to me about changing my job title. Because I'm too fabulous to be a whore for the team and I'm not paid to go onto my knees or my back. So which of your minions do we have to talk to since they talked to a chemist, not me."

The head of legal blinked at her. "What?" she demanded. Darcy pulled up the file Stark sent her, holding it up. "I.... I did not authorize that."

"Neither did I," Darcy said with a smile. "Thankfully! So who?"

"Um...I'll bring him to my office."

"Great!" She smiled. "I can wait on his sleeziness with you. Especially since he didn't even have the class to ask me if I wanted that sort of job. By the security footage Pepper found, he talked to a chemist who looks like me."

She winced. "Are you going to sue us?"

"No, sweetie, I'm going to make him sorry in other ways." She smiled. "I'm creative that way." She smirked. "Stark asked me not to sue the idiot minion you have."

"Thanks, I think." She pointed. "My office." She went to find that junior lawyer so she could yell at him then hand him to Lewis to ruin.

"Everyone knows women like her don't get anywhere on their toes," a loud, male voice said.

Darcy came out of the office. "Gee, and yet I have *three* degrees," she said dryly, smirking at him. "You didn't even talk to me. You talked to a chemist. That's very rude, young man." The lawyer stomped out to try to menace her but she kneed him in the nuts, making him fall down with a groan. "Feel lucky I don't have my tazer with me. I could do the same to you that I did to a politician sort." The guy shrank away from her, shaking his head.

"Awww, are you friends with him?" she cooed. "Such a nasty habit that is. There's been a lot of them that have went down thanks to be friendly with him. Are you next? I mean, the lead prosecutor for Manhattan. A few lawyers. Some of HYDRA actually. A few minor politicians.... Are you next?" He whined and started to cry. "Awww, are you more than his buddy? Is he screwing you because you're a mimbo?"

"Miss Lewis," the head lawyer complained. "He's crying. Isn't that enough?"

She smiled at her then at the guy. "Are you HYDRA too, dude?"

He shook his head frantically. "No! Not HYDRA. Never! They're evil, we just want the world to have protectors in the future!"

She stared at him. "Really?" she asked dryly. "Hey, FRIDAY, can you tell Stark that please?"

The AI cleared her throat. "He's been watching while eating popcorn, Miss Lewis. He said he knows nothing about this new group but if you find out things, please inform him of them."

"I can do that. I didn't learn a lot from Natasha but I can pretend enough to make someone like you talk." He tried to get up and she kicked him then hauled him off to the office to talk to him. The head lawyer followed to make sure she didn't really torture her poor, misguided lawyer.

Natasha strolled in a few minutes later while the guy was babbling at Darcy. She stared at him then at Darcy. "Is he saying anything sensible? FRIDAY informed Steve that there was another group outside of HYDRA and AIM."

"Not totally but they're all *patriots*. They all want future protectors. And apparently my womb is perfect."

"I heard you're great in bed but pregnancy does take away from that for at least a year," Natasha said dryly. "May I, Miss Lewis?"

She smiled. "You have fun and let me know who they are so I can put my creative urges toward them."

"I shall make a nice report to many people." She hauled the lawyer up and walked him off, making him scream in terror when they ran into Rogers. "He's a *patriot* who wanted future protectors of humanity. He thinks Darcy's womb is magical."

"I've heard she's great in bed but not magical at it."

"I'd make succuba envious," Darcy said as she walked around them, shooting a smile at him. "But you're taken and you never flirted with me, Rogers, so you're apparently immune." He snorted but looked amused. Natasha was giggling. Darcy went back to her desk to get to work.

Rogers took the guy from Natasha so he could drag him if necessary. "It's good she's still in evil mode."

"But worrying. She had plans against HYDRA, Steve."

"Good. It might keep her safer." He walked the guy off to talk to him with Natasha helping. The gym was easily cleaned.

***

"Lewis, get me lunch," Stark ordered from her speaker phone.

"I'm here to help your mother's foundation, not to babysit you, Stark. And if I order you lunch, I'm going to make sure you eat it all, including the vegetables."

"Eww."

"Yup, but that's what I do when I babysit. Just remember how it used to be. You still want me to order you lunch?"

"No. Never mind. I don't need someone to make spoon airplanes for me."

She smirked at the phone. "You'd be lucky if I didn't lock you to a chair to make you eat."

"I'm not a kid."

"True, you're not, but some people do like to do age regression stuff."

"Not me," he assured her. "I'm confidently an adult."

"Then do the adult thing and eat veggies for lunch, Tony."

"Fine! I could've shared."

She smiled at the phone. "I've got a lunch date with Jane."

"I forgot." He hung up.

Clint leaned in and tossed an envelope at her. "Your copy of their plans. I'm going to spread them to others." He winked. "Have fun with Jane at lunch." He strolled off.

Darcy opened it to read it, blinking a few times. She burst out laughing, nodding at that plan. "Yeah, not going to happen." She put it into her bag and closed everything down, going to gather Jane for lunch outside the tower, with Emma. At the end of the hour of catching up and teasing Emma about her hatred of french fries, she let Jane read that information.

Jane read it then looked at her. "What is it about your womb that makes people want to use it?"

"I guess because I'm young, single, pretty, healthy, and stubborn?"

"Must be." She handed it back. "What a dick!"

"Mommy," Emma sighed, looking at her. "No talking about boy parts with me in hearing. Daddy asked you to quit talking about how some people were walking boy parts."

"Sorry, dear. I forgot."

Darcy hugged her. "I think you're adorable, Ems." She smiled at Jane. "Lawyers this time."

"His?"

"At work. He just *assumed* I'd do it for the team. Apparently I'm supposed to be patriotic that way instead. Though it would have upped my salary by twenty grand and given me a shopping allowance."

Jane blinked, shaking her head. "No. Oh, please no. Are you going to destroy someone?"

She smiled and nodded. "Yes, I damn well am. He even discounted that I have degrees, Jane. Thought I got it on my back."

"Stupid is epidemic. We have got to find a way to stop the stupid," she said. "You work with education, right?"

"I do still tutor for the GED, yes." She smiled. "And fill out the paperwork so they can use a grant to pay for the testing fees. Most of these seem to have vanity degrees because their mommy or daddy paid for them to get one."

"We have *got* to start ethics training," she said.

"Oh, I looked him up. He belongs to that chanting group at Yale a few years back." She stared at her. "The one that denies consent exists." She sipped her coffee. "I found where the rest of them are and have pointed out to their supervising people that they were part of that and therefore failed humans. And put it onto my facebook."

Jane winced, cuddling her daughter. "I'm sure they'll hate you for that but maybe it'll make others change their minds about such things. Consent is *exceptionally* important. Otherwise I guess women should taze those sorts. Or pepper spray."

Darcy smiled. "I should see if there's a way to give young women pepper sprays so they're not as bothered by people. It could help a lot of matters." She considered it. "Mom would like that so I could probably include it into her foundation."

Jane swallowed, nodding over Emma's head. She had never seen Darcy this evil before. "Yeah, I can see how that'd help. We should figure out how to do that with your mom's foundation." Emma was giving her odd looks but she let Darcy have her to cuddle. "We should get back before Thor wakes up from his nap and misses us." Darcy nodded, paying the check and heading out cuddling the baby. Jane got their bags and followed. Darcy was telling Emma how much she'd like school. Which was a good thing to learn for her daughter.

She handed Darcy her bag and took her daughter back, going up to the labs. Emma huffed but oh well. "We're just going to talk to Uncle Tony," she told her. She knocked before walking into the lab, staring at Stark. "She's back in vindictive land, Tony. She's told on the lawyer's buddies who were in that chanting group at Yale. Told all their bosses and her facebook." He blinked, putting down his container of soup. Bruce held onto the table he was leaning against. "She wants to create a fund within her mom's foundation to give every young woman pepper spray or a tazer."

He nodded slowly. "Yeah. That could be bad."

"She's going to go fully evil soon if we don't stop it, Stark. Do you know anyone you can set her up with?"

"She's gotten some recently, but yeah, I can hint broadly that the evil is coming back." Jane hugged him one armed and left with Emma, talking to her about boys. It was something she needed to start sooner instead of later. Stark looked at Bruce, who shrugged. "She needs a magical curing device."

"She supposedly has a few of those," Bruce said blandly. "And sometimes Clint possibly by the rumors. Perhaps we should work on teaching the dick slime that pretends to be young men?"

"Yeah, we should do that too," he agreed with a nod. "Very fast. Can we do that soon?"

"I don't know. Talk to someone who works on consent education or have Steve make an off-hand comment while jogging with Sam next time."

"That may work. Thanks, buddy." He went to talk to Sam about that. "Sam." He blinked at him. "Darcy's gotten to the point where she's about to fund a grant to give every young woman in the US pepper spray." He stared at him. "That lawyer earlier was part of a group at Yale that was found chanting 'no means yes and yes means anal'." Sam winced. "She's about to break back into evil again. Can you and Steve maybe talk about that during a jog in the hearing of reporters so maybe he can use his spangly ass reputation to teach some guys better?"

"Yeah, we go over that during a jog so reporters can hear us," he said, looking over at Steve, who nodded since his mouth was full. "Can Lewis become unevil?"

"We're not really sure. So far she's told all the guys in that group at Yale's bosses that they took place in that chanting parade. And her facebook." Sam winced. "We don't mind her naughty but that evil is going to the wrong place and she might really hurt some guys if they tried something. I don't want her to have to worry about how she had to beat some people to death with a high heel. Or her tazer."

"Bodyguard?" Steve suggested.

Stark looked at him. "He lives across the street and up by two buildings," he said bluntly. "That group this morning wanted him and you both to knock her up and then me and Clint so we all had heirs." Steve shook his head with a sigh. "It'd be nice if she did have a bodyguard but she doesn't. She has a dog. Who's really nice. He helped by delivering memos recently."

"We'll talk with her later," Steve promised. "And we'll go over that talk in public so people realize that consent is not only the law but a great idea."

"Thanks." He went back to his lab to talk to Pepper. Darcy was good at finding things to ruin people in the press so much that they got embarrassed and gave up. And in one case committed suicide but he had done the stupid thing by attacking a college dorm to try to take out witnesses to his son's stupidity.

Steve looked at Sam, who pulled up that video to show him. Steve nodded. "They need to be beaten. Real men don't do that." He pulled out his phone to tweet something. "Heard about a friend being coerced earlier for sex. Real men don't need more than a 'yes'. They don't need to coerce or force it. Learn about consent. A great idea and the law." He counted characters. Usually he had to edit down words. "Ha! One character under the limit!" He sent it. He sent a second one saying he had heard about those boys at Yale and their chant and he was not only not amused but ashamed to be of the same gender as them.

He smiled as he sent that one. Darcy retweeted it almost immediately. So did Pepper and Natasha. Some guy complained that women were too stuck up to know that they wanted it. Steve replied all his former women hadn't been and they had told him what they wanted, how they wanted it, and when they wanted it. Clearly, he was doing something wrong with his women.

Sam looked at his twitter feed, nodding some and adding to that comment against that idiot boy. "You know, that'll break that rumor that you're a virgin."

"Real men don't have to brag, we know of our own accomplishments," he said sarcastically. "And women don't need to do more than gossip with their friends." Sam laughed but tweeted that comment and attributed it to Steve. Some woman said bragging was good because it meant other girls knew who the better catches were if she was stupid enough to let him leave her. Sam agreed but said that some guys needed some lessons first and that would ruin a guy's rep if he only needed taught stuff.

She almost immediately replied that many guys needed lessons in how to handle a woman's body because they were all clueless about what a vagina did for a man. He agreed and praised the women who had taught him while they had dated, without naming names. She flirted with him and offered him a date but he had to let her down and say he was dating someone. She sent back a 'pity' and left it there. He smiled, putting his phone down. Steve was laughing at that tweet string.

Steve was staring at the remarks on his tweets, grimacing. He sent out one saying he hadn't been a virgin since the late 30's. Guys back in his day did the same things they do now, they just didn't have social media to brag on. That got a few emojis and laughs but a few pouty faces and remarks from those who considered him pure. Bucky tweeted that it had taken a lot of dates to find Steve someone to be sweet on but it had been a miraculous thing that she had liked the scrawny guy he had been.

Steve thanked him for that setting up. A few more people complained that he was an American icon and he had to act like one. Bucky's tweet at those that Steve was a guy in a uniform and the mythos built around him was damaging the icon by setting unrealistic expectations made Steve stare.

He called Bucky. "Is that actually you?" He smiled. "Thank Kate for me, Bucky, and she's here at work. Yeah, go ahead and bring Conor. She's had him here before. Who was it that tried to break in? Oh, that's sweet of the mob guys to protect her place for her. Sure, bring the dog. And thanks for tweeting back." He hung up. Kate was very helpful with that stuff. He sent a text at Darcy then watched Kate's tweets chiding those assholes for using him as stuffed head on the wall to look up to instead of thinking he's a guy doing a really hard job and sometimes the icon had to be a man instead because sometimes things didn't go right. Especially in a war.

They were still complaining but Steve pointed out that Bucky was right. He was a man, who had been made special, and did a very specific job. Looking up to him was fine but being unrealistic about it meant that they'd have problems if and when he lost some day. He wasn't immortal and some day he'd have to retire or would be too injured to carry on. Then what would they do? It was likely that the next person who wore the shield wouldn't be the clean cut guy he was since those apparently weren't in style anymore. Then again, Steve posted a picture of him with his tattoos showing. "Some of us aren't that uptight anyway," he muttered.

Darcy came off the elevator, taking Steve's phone from him. "Pepper said that they're going to lynch you. Used that word specifically. Because you're destroying their mythical hero that they use to complain that men today aren't men anymore. And if you were about to come out as bi or gay, they'd come here in a mob to kill you." He grimaced. "Stick up for the real men being born she said, but if you irritate the religious right sort you'd never hear the end of it and a good portion of the military was trying to force them to be that same way.

"Called it dominionism. Which basically means that they want to go back to the 'we're white men and there's available land to conquer, who cares about natives' times." She handed the phone back. "The Mayor is one. A lot of the upper level mutants are one even if they won't admit it. The ones on the news channels are loud enough to cause you stress for years. Cleaning up the misconceptions is great. She was tired of the virginal, pure Steve Rogers mythical guy too. We like you laughing at dirty jokes and the like. But those are the sort to get all up in arms and shoot you. Y'allqueda and their sort are just like that."

Sam snorted. "I've heard those supposed patriot groups that are basically racist nationalist groups of yahoos with too many guns called that."

"Well, quite a few are y'all sorts," she said dryly, smiling at him. "That's why they took over a bird refuge to give it back to the people who never owned it in the first place." She looked at Steve again. "Pepper said to break the myth, not the hero."

"I can probably do that," he agreed, staring up at her. "Kate said the mob guys kept someone else from breaking into your place."

"I'll buy stuff to make cookies for them on the way home," she quipped with a smile. "Point out what makes a real man so they can tell they're not? And maybe even mention that real men treat women like equals instead of thinking that they have to be protected?"

"Why would that bother people?" he asked.

"Oh, you haven't seen those sort," she sighed. "Tweet and I'll find videos." He nodded, getting back to it. She handed over her phone once Steve was taking a break, letting him read the article on that one family and their religious group. He grimaced, shaking his head. "Yeah, and that attitude is growing. All the 'old ways' people think that women are weak and helpless, they all need protected, but we're all sexual objects." She stared at him. "So they're all for women being kept out of education, the workplace, all that. We're just wombs to a lot of them and they don't like that we have choices about our wombs."

He nodded, handing her phone back. "I definitely don't like that attitude." He considered it then put out a tweet about Peggy Carter, who had been a kick ass woman who had stood up to generals and him, and had won arguments based on logic and thinking about things. He had been proud to serve with a woman like her and many women today were using the same strength she showed to stand up for themselves, which he appreciated and liked.

He hoped the rest of the women in the world got to the same point of being able to stand up for themselves soon. Darcy took his phone to correct a spelling error then handed it back. He smiled, but added in another tweet that he worked with some really strong women now, including Natasha and Pepper. If every woman could be as strong and as patient as Pepper, the world would be a better place. Someone mentioned Darcy so he pointed out she protected herself and that was always the right thing to do.

If he had been there and she had needed the help, he would've stepped in to beat the guy for her, but she had handled it well and he appreciated that she could. A few more people complained but oh well. He answered 'oh well' to one of them actually for whining that he wasn't the white, christian idol that they had all thought he was. He pointed out he was, but they had turned him into something he wasn't. The man they wanted him to be, his mother would be ashamed of. The man he was, his mother would've praised and cheered for.

Darcy patted him on the wrist. "I'm pretty sure your mom was kick ass. All strong mothers are." She got up. "Let me go get my dog." She strolled off. "Troll someone, Steve. That way they get to know that you have a sense of humor too."

He smiled. "Yes, Darcy."

"Thanks." She went down to the front desk, finding a security guard glaring at Kate. "Hey." She hugged her and took the leash from her. "C'mon, Conor."

"There's no pets at work," the guard ordered.

Darcy looked at him. "Really? Pepper didn't tell me that." The man backed off. "C'mon, Hawkeye, let's get you to Clint so you guys can practice too." She led her up to her office, texting Clint, who was at home on his couch with his dog, so he knew they had invoked his name to annoy the guard. That one thought that Clint wasn't as useful on the team. It proved how stupid the guy was.

Scott leaned in. "Can I have the dog?"

"No. You'll feed him gunk," Darcy quipped with a smile for him. "He's fine."

"Fine. I was going to play fetch and Lucky's at home."

"He's good, Scott."

"Okay." He petted the dog then went back upstairs. "She wouldn't let me bring Conor up to play."

Stark shook his head. "We don't have a no pets rule but I'm guessing there'll be a yelling lab person soon. She yelled at others before, including Jane, about germs and drool factories. Jane slugged her but the rest just huff off and ignore her." It took about ten more minutes before his phone lit up with an alert and video of the screaming match.

Darcy let her yell then calmly told her to back down before she had her lab audited by the Feds. The woman shrieked and tried to hit the dog so Darcy put her down and locked her in the closet then settled in to pet her dog. "Let me go save a chemist without a clue. Before I have to hire a new one." He got up and went down there, staring at Darcy from the doorway. "Threatening to have Feds raid her lab is mean, Lewis."

"She's misusing her grant anyway since it went to her sister's wedding." She waved a hand. "She tried to hit my dog."

"I saw that." He stared at her. "You could bring him home."

"I could work from home in my jammies but I have to be here often enough that it makes it a pain," she quipped.

"Fine. Go home today?"

"Can't. Two meetings this afternoon."

He sighed. "Go home."

"Fine. That means you have to go to the meeting instead."

"I guess." She handed over her notes, making him grimace as he read them. "That sucks. Whose idea was that?"

"Pepper's."

"Huh. Interesting then." He went to deal with his own foundation's dealings. Darcy went home with a pause at the grocery store. She had called ahead so she only had to run in and pay for it then come back out before anyone could complain the dog was in the car. She went home and made cookies to send down to the guys who had protected her poor puppy. They liked the rum balls and they were easy enough to make in mass quantities. Clint got some too since he was probably loafing off with his bow and his dog.

****

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