Imagine: The List
Fic posted by members of Vo's Imaginings YahooGroup

Author's Chapter Notes:
Because it's been a shitty week all around.

Clint showed up that night to check on Darcy, and he got there first because Kate had stopped to have a sundae with her team to go over things. He had gone for a jog in the park while the dogs found Darcy's treat giving fingers. He found Darcy naked on the couch, on her back, asleep, with the dogs all staring from the various other seats. "Guys, did she do that to herself?" he asked.

"Fell in the shower. Knocked myself stupid. Dizzy. Climbed out and wandered out here to sleep it off," Darcy complained quietly. "What's up? New threat to me?"

"No, you're not an Avengers member of any team," he said dryly. He walked over to check her eyes, weathering the swatting she was doing. "Minor concussion if any. You know the drill." He grinned. "How did you fall in the shower?"

"Cutey came running in at full speed to get away from the dinging of the microwave that scared her and tripped me as I turned around to see what she was doing. She also nicely licked me awake because the water stuff she hates was getting cold."

"How long were you out?"

"Maybe twenty. Not sure." She blinked a few times. "I checked, no blood. No real bump. I texted my doc's emergency number and he said to come in tomorrow to the walk in clinic."

"Okay." He helped her up, watching her turn green. "Let's get you at least dressed, Darcy. Anyone could've popped over."

She grimaced. "I don't think you should get that near to me, Clint. I might puke on you and I'd rather only do that to a husband."

He snorted. "I'm not getting married again. Did that, don't want a repeat." She grinned but wobbled into her bedroom to put on clothes. He looked at Lucky. "Thank you for watching over her. That's a good boy. I need to teach you to text message me, huh?" He petted him then the other two. He texted Kate on the way to make sure Darcy didn't pass out again. He spotted her back, staring at the long cut. "What cut you?"

"Soap dish I think. The edge broke off when I fell into it."

He nodded, going to look then came back out. "That's not wide enough for that cause." He touched it, making her wince. "Okay, so maybe we should go to the ER."

"Maybe we shouldn't. There were six massive wrecks listed on the news before I fell asleep," she said, blinking hard at him. "I'll be fine."

"Yup, sure you will. Let me draw blood at least, Darcy. I can see a needle mark." She frowned at where he pointed. He texted Bobbi and Stark both while he got what he'd need from her emergency kit. She had overstocked with Bruce's list for their carried medical pack. Bobbi's answer back was that no one in the neighborhood had been reported. Stark's said that FRIDAY said that someone had broken in but her link was cut so she only noted someone on the fire escape. Which could have been any neighbor or one of the mob guys. He got her dressed and laying down, heading downstairs. He looked at the guys on his stoop. "Who got into Darcy's place?" he called. "She fell and I need to know when and if anyone else got to her."

One of them shrugged. "We didn't see anything," one said, not looking at him. "Why would we?"

Clint smirked. "You know, she's going to destroy people."

"She's a sweet lady," one said with a nod. "Not our sort though."

Clint smirked more meanly. "Sure, I won't tell anyone, like Stark, who thinks about her like a baby cousin." They all stared at him. He looked behind him. "Who're you? You're new."

"I'm the one in charge of this group of young men," he said.

"Cool." Clint beat him until the guy was groaning on the ground. "That's for going near Darcy." He smirked down at him. "Who're you with?"

"No one," he spat. "You can't prove a thing, *hero*."

"I don't have to. I'm not officially an agent. I'm a freelance agent now." The man's eyes went wide so he looked up at Barnes as he got out of Steve's car. "She's been passed out for a while. I found a needle mark. She's got a slight concussion and a huge cut on her back."

"Skin scraping you think?" he asked.

"Probably." He nodded. He looked at the group. "You guys can answer."

"Him, man. We had nothing to do with Cookie Lady. We respect her. She'll kill us somehow," one of them said. "Barnes, she said you're late with the rent."

"I paid her on the first. She snorted it," he said. They groaned. He looked down at the guy. "I was a better Russian even when I was brainwashed. You should meet others who can enforce what being Russian is." He pointed at Natasha, who got out of the car that had just pulled up. "We were going to steal from her freezer, Clint."

"She's got some usually. The dogs are all watching over her." He nodded, going up there. "I pulled blood," he called.

"I have Stark's spare scanner," Natasha said, patting the case she carried. "I'll be right back." She looked at the man on the ground, making his eyes go wide. "He was an agent. Pity he was so useless." She strolled off. The guys in the regular mob unit were staring. "Eyes right," she said firmly in Russian. "I will practice on you." They quit staring at her. Bucky smiled at her.

"I'm a fantastic version of a Russian woman," she said simply. They went into Darcy's apartment. The dogs all barked at her. "Good dogs. Let me check the human." She found the blood sample on the counter and ran it into the scanner. It came up with a few things. "Hmm. They were going to pick her up later, after the sedative was wearing off. It'd make her severely sensitive to touch so they could torture her easier, which points to them being horrible at it, and they gave her estrogen for some reason."

"Probably trying to counter the birth control shot," Darcy called. "I hate this shit and I'm going to kill them once I won't cry and scream at the pain of hitting them."

"We can hold them for you," Bucky said, going in to look at her. "Hey, doll."

"Bucky." She limply waved a hand. "Steal from the freezer please. I'm running out of room."

He went to look. "No you're not. Someone stole most everything from in here."

"The mob boys sometimes do that and sell it in the restaurant," she said blandly. "I'll go kick them later."

"I can do that for you." Natasha was getting a response about how to handle it. "She does look like she's got a small concussion."

"Bruce is bringing an antidote with Steve." She went in to look at Darcy. "Should I ask about ...invasive tests to make sure you're fine?" she asked quietly.

"I would've felt that," she admitted. "I'm horny but no one's cured that since this morning."

"Good." She patted her on the hand, earning a wince. "It will end in about two days."

"Great. I have to be at work tomorrow."

"You will live. You're a strong woman."

"I am, but I'm about to sob like a kid so can you quit touching me please?" Natasha let go of her wrist. "Thanks."

"You're welcome. We will figure this out."

"They think I'm pretty," she said bluntly, blinking up at her. "I'm betting one of them thought I'd be useful somehow."

"Perhaps. We will make sure." She went down to talk to that idiot on the ground. Clint had him pressed against a building while he talked to a SHIELD agent. "She was dosed with something to make her super sensitive to touch and some estrogen," she said in Russian. Clint stared at her. She nodded. "She thinks they'd want her to be useful."

Clint looked at the guy, who was praying. "God won't help you or save you from her. He hasn't saved anyone from her yet."

Bucky came down the stairs with the dogs. "Lucky's got a bit of swelling in his stitches but it might be from them licking at it for him. I'm going to let them pee then I'll watch over her until Banner gets here."

"That's fine. Do you want a piece of him?"

"No, she knows more than I ever will about such matters. I will trust the expert at getting men to talk." He smiled at her and nodded politely.

She smiled back. "Flatterer," she said in Russian. "It will not make me bake you cookies like she does."

"I have to find her a good recipe for Russian tea cookies. I miss those."

"Hmm, I do sometimes as well. They are tasty." She smiled at Clint. "May I have him?"

"Sure." He handed the guy over. "Want help holding him down?"

"No, I don't need it, Clint. As you know."

"I'd just like to hurt him more, Natasha. You know that."

"I think we would all like to harm him. We should do so before the Hulk gets here. He is very fond of Darcy making him tea and lunch." She walked the idiot off. He was sobbing now and Clint's apartment was easily cleaned. The mob guys watched and stared in awe. She stared at one, looking him over. "Much nicer than the track suits. More suitable to a businessman." She walked around him.

Clint grinned. "We'll be out soon." They all stepped back so they didn't get near the crazy one or that Russian. You didn't get near a mad Russian woman, it was suicide. When Cookie Lady came tumbling out and glaring at everything, they got out of her way too. Clearly she was learning things from the mad Russian woman because she demanded the right to hit him a few times too. Clint came jogging back down the stairs. "Guys, Darcy knows that you sell some of her frozen stuff at the restaurant. She's not real happy about that." They groaned. "At least give her a portion of the sales." They nodded. "Especially since she's got a concussion so won't be baking for a while." He spotted James coming back. "She's over here to hit him herself."

"It's a strong woman who can pick up a bat and swing it with a concussion," he said. He handed over the leashes. "I'll get her back to her bed." They both looked up as someone went screaming off the roof. Not that guy but another guy.

"No, I didn't want HYDRA either," Darcy shouted after his limp body. "Thanks the fuck anyways, douche yacht. Clint, he was poisoning your coffee supply. She said to get it back from HYDRA." She went back inside.

"Yeah, I can do that," he agreed, waving up there. He looked at James, who was staring at the body then at him, shrugging back. "I'm not brave enough to take a victim from them."

"No, me either. Let's get back up to Darcy's, dogs." They ran ahead. They were well trained, smart dogs.

Clint heard a click and turned, breaking the reporter's camera. "Hi." She ran off. "Huh. They'll have a great story about us fighting the Russian mob I guess." He shrugged. "That'll be fine." He looked at the lower level mob guys, who all wandered off like they knew nothing. Clint sat on his stoop, waiting on the ladies of destruction.

Kate showed up and parked, getting out of her car to stare across the roof. "I'm going to stay over here while I give you bad news so I don't get destroyed in the fit you'll throw."

"About the guys that drugged Darcy?"

"No. Someone did?"

"Yeah. Someone did. Natasha has them."

She flapped a hand. "I don't have to worry about them, Clint. She won't save me any. Hell, she won't save Darcy any." She shifted her stance, staring at him. "What would you do if Mer said she spotted the guy in the picture in your bedroom?"

He stared, looking confused. "What picture?"

"The one where you keep your quiver."

He blinked a few times. "He's dead."

"For a dead guy he's walking really well and not wanting brains. He's been checking into this neighborhood through someone else's contacts and they warned Mer."

Clint blinked a few times. "If he's alive I get to beat him to death."

"Okay, sure." She smiled and nodded. "Does that mean you won't throw a destructive fit?"

"Not on you." She closed her door and walked over. "Where did they see him?"

"Up the street at the grocery store yesterday."

Clint sighed, looking around then at her. "Okay."

She sat beside him. "Darcy really got hit again?"

"She slipped in the shower thanks to your dog. Small concussion. Large cut on her back that didn't fit the scene. Needle mark. Super sensitive to any touch. Threw a guy off the roof who was poisoning my coffee." He looked back at him then at her. "It's going to be a super messy day today."

She nodded. "Clearly." A police car pulled past and they all ignored the officer pausing to look at the guy in the alley. He gave them dirty looks, reaching for his radio. "He was HYDRA," she called. "We called an agent." The officer called that in and parked. "He was trying to poison Clint so we're sitting out here while someone talks to his people."

The officer blinked at them. "Hawkeyes," he said with a nod. Natasha came down by herself wiping her damp hands off. "Um....oh, you're her," he said weakly.

She smirked at him. "Yes, we had a slight problem with the Russian mob working with HYDRA earlier. It is now solved."

He nodded slowly. "Is he the only one that needed to go to the morgue? I don't want to know really but I have to ask by law."

She pinched him on the cheek with a smile. "No, I will be giving him back to his people." He shivered but nodded and ran for his car to wait on backup. She looked at the two archers. "The poisoned coffee is bagged up as is the poison he was shaking into it when we got up there."

"You let her throw him off the roof?" Clint asked her.

"The other one was getting feisty." She shrugged. "Darcy could do that."

"On a related note about douchebags," Kate quipped. "Someone told Mer that his brother's alive."

Natasha stared at her oddly. "How?" she asked Clint.

"We never got confirmation of his death," he admitted. "But I'm going to beat him to death. Then we'll be sure."

She patted him on the head. "I'm sure you'll have fun with that. Let us know if you need assistance."

"Of course not." He grinned. "I'm a good boy. I can do that."

"Good. Darcy is passed out again on your bed. The over sensitization got to her."

"I broke a reporter's camera."

"It's something I enjoy myself," she agreed. "Will they try to arrest you for assault?"

"No. She ran off. I figure there'll be a story about us fighting the mob."

"No, only you do that." She sat down next to him. Another officer in a car pulled up. She nodded at him. "He jumped," she said with a point. "Trying to get away from us because we found him poisoning Clint's coffee stash."

The officer stared at her, smiling some. It was a fairly condescending smile, like was about to call her a little lady. "Why would he jump, ma'am?"

"Agent Romanoff, not ma'am."

The guy blinked at her. "Like the Avenger....oh." He stared at Clint, who grinned and wiggled his fingers. "So he jumped?"

"Yup. I was down here because she was talking to someone who had drugged a friend of ours. He's being turned in to people."

"We can take him," the second officer said.

"No thanks. He's got a ride." Darcy stumbled down. "Kate, get her to bed please."

"Yup. C'mon, Darce. Let's get you and your concussion into bed while the officer cleans up that jumper guy." She walked her that way, letting the dogs in since they were whining at the door. "I'm sorry, we thought we left the door open for you guys. Guard the Darcy human for us?" She petted her dog first then the other two. "Good dogs."

"Sometimes," Darcy agreed. "I still don't know why Cutey rushed in that way." She yawned. "This sucks."

"Yeah it does. Rest for now. Let them clean up the mess." She tucked her in and went back down there to watch the masters work their mojo on the locals.

The second officer stared at her. "You can go home to your parents if you want, miss."

"Considering I'm an orphan that'd be really hard to do and I live on this block." She sat down beside Clint, looking at the cuffs. "To keep you from hurting them?"

"The first officer got scared I'd hurt them." He got himself out of them and handed them back with a grin. "Thanks. Needed the practice." The officer's eyes went wide and he stepped back. "Have fun cleaning him up. I'm pretty he's not dead. He's been groaning."

"He said some dame pushed him," the ambulance driver called.

Natasha looked over. "He is mistaken." The man blinked at her. She stared back with a smirk. "Isn't he?" He nodded frantically, trying to get away from her. "See? He is mistaken." She looked at the officer. "He is HYDRA. They're mistaken about many things."

"Including wearing the wrong uniform pins," Kate said from where she was standing. "When did they change the name tags?" Everyone stared at her. "We've seen plenty of NYPD tags over the last few years, people. Your patch is in the wrong shape. That's the old shape from a few years back, when officers were showing up about my mother dying. The new ones aren't that shape." She stared at the first officer. "He's wearing the right patches." The guy blinked and looked at his arm then at the new officer's arm. He called that in and got shot for it by the ambulance worker. Kate flipped over the railing and ran for the weapons while Clint and Natasha dealt with things.

Bucky came out of his apartment with weapons to help.

"Soldier!" one shouted.

He stared at him. "Shut up. Before I use you as target practice." The man blinked then tried to kill him too. Bucky shot him in the throat. Kate got stuff and came back for Clint and Natasha. "Kate, go guard Darcy. This is old warrior work."

"Sure." She ran over there to guard that building. She ran into someone coming in a top window from the hallway next to Darcy's door and hit him into a wall. "Darcy, threats," she called.

"I don't know you yet so I doubt you're a threat I'd care about," he sneered, trying to hit her back. Darcy opened the door and threw flour on the guy, making him go blind long enough for Kate to hurt him. Then throw him down the stairs. "HYDRA's responding to pick up their guy."

"I've got the safe room still." She took things in there to activate it once she and the dogs were safe.

Kate closed the door and hit the code to keep it shut. Then she skipped back down the stairs. The guy was trying to get up. Clint was a bit banged up but the HYDRA guys were down. The real officer was cowering again and calling in things. The idiot from the alley was dead now. Barnes looked very scowly. "Clint, you had a visitor to the wrong building." She pointed. "Darcy got him with some flour before she hit her safe room."

"Jeez, it's just a great day," he quipped. Stark pulled up and got out, staring at them. "She's in her safe room, guys." Bruce nodded, heading up there to check on her. Clint stared at the guy. "Hey, Barney. It's such a great thing to know you're alive. Odd thing seeing you here though."

"I came to warn you," he moaned. "Damn that chick hits hard."

"She's my protege. Feel lucky you're alive." New officers pulled up and Clint pulled an arrow on one. "I *know* you're not NYPD and were HYDRA."

"That was my sister."

Natasha looked over. "Your excuses are kindergarten level," she sneered. They got that guy down and came over to clean up the mess. "We have had two small problems today. One of the upper level Russian mafia people showed up to nag their people about handling things quietly and having some respect for the locals. He has people coming for him for drugging someone who lives here. The other," she said with a point at the body. "Was HYDRA. He was poisoning Clint's coffee so he ran off the roof when I faced him down about it."

The officer staring at her nodded once. "You're an Avenger."

"I am. I'm Agent Romanoff."

"Um, okay. Why are you here?"

"Clint was my work partner. I came to help him with the Russian problem." She smiled slightly. "My former countrymen were not very worthy and now they will become more worthy of that title."

He nodded slowly. "So the mob guy?"

"He has people coming for him." She gave him a small smile. "He will enjoy explaining himself to them I believe."

"We can hand him over to any agency that wants him," he offered.

"He has a ride."

"Fine. Um, this other guy? Why was he poisoning coffee?" She pointed and he looked then whimpered. "He's another Avenger."

"This is his off duty residence. He owns the building." She shrugged slightly. "He has friends who live here."

"Was one of them the one that was drugged?"

"Yes. She is a friend of a few of us."

"Oh, okay." Bruce came stomping out. "Oh, dear," he muttered.

"Bruce, is she not all right?" she called.

"We should take her to the infirmary but she's denying it exists like she's Stark," he said impatiently. "She's annoying today."

"Keep it up, and I'll tell them that HYDRA wants your babies too," Darcy called down. "I'll be fine!"

"You have a concussion, get off the fire escape," Kate called. "Before you fall."

"I'm fine!"

"That is the drugs talking," Natasha said, looking up at her. "Go back inside, Darcy."

"Fine." She went back in there.

"Isn't that the lady that HYDRA kidnaped to breed?" one of the new officers asked quietly.

"Yes, it was," Natasha agreed with a smile. "Darcy's a very nice, self protecting woman. Who bakes a lot."

"Um, yeah," the main officer said with a nod. "Is she the one that got drugged?"

"Yes. After someone's dog made her fall in the shower. She's also got a small concussion."

"I'll be talking with my dog later," Kate quipped. "Clint, your brother's groaning and staring at my ass."

He looked at his brother then at her. "You're the one wearing leggings." She hit him on the arm. "I know! But hey, he's appreciating all the working out you do to be on your own team, girly girl."

"Uh-huh. I only let the respectful and decent stare at my ass. Would your brother live up to my standards?"

"I don't think so. He doesn't live up to mine and mine are lower."

"Then make him quit staring at my ass before I show him what a female archer can do." She smiled at him. "I haven't had a workout today anyway."

"Barney, quit staring at her ass before she kills you. She can do that and I'll just have her drunk on my couch for it." He rolled his eyes but put his head back down. He looked at her. "Better?"

"I would've handled it but you probably want some sort of brother talking first." She strolled over to Natasha. "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine, Kate. Thank you for checking."

"It's getting me away from gropey reporter sorts." She pointed. Someone took a shot at them and she shot an arrow at them at the same time Clint did. They both got the sniper. "He's down," she reported as the guy fell.

Natasha looked then nodded. "Nice job, Kate. Very efficient. Nearly center mass."

"I usually try to go for wounding so we can question," she said.

"Which is a good idea," Natasha said, patting her on the arm. "You can go sit with Darcy."

"No I can't. Darcy said to quit hovering. She growled. I nearly gave her a dog treat."

"That is the drugs talking," Natasha assured her. "She'll be crying in a bit thanks to the same thing. Take Bruce and Stark with you." She nodded, walking over to talk to them. Natasha looked at the officer, smiling some. "She is an excellent protege for Clint. Doesn't idolize him or put him on a pedestal but does learn from him and any mistakes he makes."

"That's good to know. Is she on your team, Agent Romanoff?"

"She has a team she's a member of."

"Oh, that younger one," he sighed, slumping some. "Okay. Does she live near here?"

"Three blocks," she said with a vague point. "They jog together in the park with their dogs."

"It's good they have dogs. It means they're not too far out there yet." He walked off to report to the higher up that was pulling in. "I need a drink," he reported.

The higher up looked and nodded. "An evil group or the mob boys?"

"Both at different times today. The body is HYDRA. The fake officers are HYDRA. The Russian mob guys are all in hiding or pain thanks to Agent Romanoff." He pointed behind him.

"That's an Avenger who doesn't live here."

"She's visiting apparently."

"Huh. Sure. How messy?"

"None of ours at least."

"Good. Excellent actually." He went to get the overview from the agent and offered to take that poor, abused boy from her. She turned him down and promised they would hand him to a proper authority. He spotted a few others noted with the team. He was looking around. "Where's that one lady?"

"She's in bed. She is why I had a talk with that one mafia wannabe," Natasha said. "They gave her something to make her skin super sensitive. Apparently they are pathetic at torture so needed the help. She is healing that and a concussion from slipping in the shower."

He looked at her. "Is your former agency coming to pick them up?"

"No, I believe others will have him this time. He is not important enough for SHIELD."

"Let us clear out first."

"They would never show up while you're here."

"Does your friend and former partner have much trouble with the mob boys?"

Kate smiled as she walked over. "Now and then but they've also helped by protecting Darcy a few times. She makes them cookies in thanks." She spotted one guy, smiling at him. "Tie's crooked." He looked down and adjusted it. "Nice. I would've went with a more neutral tone to the tie but it fits well if you have a black jacket to put on over it." He nodded at that, hurrying off again. She smiled at the stunned looking officer. "Darcy pointed out why not many people took them seriously - purple velour track suits and gold chains." The officers just nodded at her. "Natasha, she's begging for salvation from Stark nagging her."

"It was not her fault."

"No. He's nagging her about other things because she's not able to get away. He said this way she had to listen to some of it and Pepper demanded."

"Hmm. Yes, he does want to nag her for not escaping first."

"If she had, then the others with her might've been trapped and killed. You know she would've been miserable about that."

"I know. She is gentle, for all that HYDRA makes her want to become an evil overlordess. She could do quite well with it if she put some effort into it. She wouldn't even bother us, she'd go after HYDRA and that idiot uptown."

Kate nodded. "We'd all like to see him beaten." Her phone beeped and she sighed. "Shit! I have that event tonight," she complained. "I've got to put on a gown," she called as she walked off. "Remind Stark he's supposed to be attending too so he won't make Pepper be ashamed of him," she said as she walked past Bucky. "I'll pick up my dog after I'm done with the glamorous people I don't like to talk to." She sighed, grimacing and thinking about her hair while she finger combed it. She'd have to put it up into a twist or something easy since she hadn't remembered to get a hair appointment.

Clint shook his head. "So glad I don't have to do those," he admitted, smiling at Bucky.

"Steve has to do those, not me. I'd hate to wear a suit."

"At least you wouldn't have to wear a gown," Darcy said, dragging Stark with her. "There, go get gussied up." She looked at Bucky. "I can't imagine you in shapewear, a strapless bra, a firmer form of panty for tummy control, hose, and makeup with the gown either. Or heels. I think guys should have to wear heels so they can commiserate." She trudged off.

"If I wanted to wear a gown I'd be fantastic in it," James called after her. "Even more than you are."

"Then please go to them for me," she quipped as she trudged. "Because I hate that shit."

Stark looked at Clint. "You should be coming."

"No I'm not. I told you that a few weeks back. No tux, don't want a tux, don't want to be a dancing monkey like Steve, no thanks." He smiled. "Have fun though."

"Fine. I'll be back later to pick up Bruce." He got into his car and drove off.

Clint and Bucky bumped fists. "We dodged that one," Bucky agreed. Natasha was giggling.

***

Kate looked at the poke to her rear and turned, slugging the idiot. "Do not touch my ass without my consent," she sneered at the guy on the floor. "How unmannerly are you?" She got led off by Pepper. "Sorry to be entertainment but I'll be damned if I'm going to be groped by someone I'd rather see dead."

Stark looked then at her. "Well, Darcy does consider you a sister, which works since that's the one that got her's son." He sipped his water, looking her over. "You look tired."

"Tiny bit. This is boring." She finished her glass of not-wine and put it on the planter behind her. "I should go before I have to kick someone in this gown."

"Stay," Pepper ordered. "He can go." She glared at him until he slunk off. "If you need to sue him like she did, I can give you the name of a few nice lawyers."

"I like Darcy's lawyer. He's appropriately mean and thinks I'm just cute." She smiled.

"He is enjoying going evil," Stark agreed. "Even our corporate lawyers said he was enjoying the evil too much."

Kate shrugged, smiling at him. "Good." Someone walked over to them. "You can join us. We're just talking."

"I didn't think they let the newly poor in here," she said smugly.

Kate smirked at her. "Yeah, I had trust funds that weren't in that and with my father dying it solved all that." The young woman flinched away from her. "Thanks to my trusts, I was worth more than my father ever was." She smiled. "How nice of you to keep up with the local gossip though. How is your father's time in jail standing him?" She huffed off, nose in the air. "Have a pleasant evening sending jobs to the Chinese," she said with a smile and a wave at her. She smiled at Pepper. "Let me go do something more constructive before someone needs hit." She strolled off to talk to someone in a corner. "Megan."

"Kate?" She looked her over. "No time to shop?"

"No. Been totes busy." She smiled. "Did you pass that test?"

"Barely. You?"

"Barely. Thankfully the rest of my grades are fine for grad. Are you going to be Columbia with me?"

"No, I'm going to Sarah Lawrence," she said. "You're doing Columbia?"

"Yeah. I thought they had some interesting courses going on. If I find what I want isn't there I'll switch around. Maybe I'll try Culver." She shrugged.

"Isn't that where that one bitch went?"

"I know her. She's actually a really nice lady. Just doesn't put up with shit. She's the one that let me stay on her couch after my dad died. She bakes a lot too. It's why I gained five pounds before the funeral."

"Seriously? You see her as a ball busting bitch usually."

"Yeah, because she has to be. She and I go clubbing and all sorts of stuff." Kate smiled. "She's like a big sister. She's super cool."

"Huh." She nodded. "That's spin I guess."

"Probably." Someone patted her on the ass so she slugged that one. "Get off my ass. I'm not a dog to pet." He stumbled off. She rolled her eyes. "I'm picky, not desperate."

Megan looked at her oddly. "How did you hit that hard?"

"Practice."

"Oh."

"I train in three martial arts, Megan."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, seriously." She smiled. "I'm pretty darn good too. If that's another hand on my ass I'm going to break it." The guy ran off. She sighed, turning to put her back to a group of old biddies behind Megan. "I don't want to end up the entertainment." Someone pinched her shoulder. "Hands off. I'm not looking for a sugar mama." They let her shoulder go. Kate looked at her school friend, smiling some. "Let me go somewhere away from pinching fingers." Megan walked with her. "You should come to the gym with me sometime."

"I hate sweating, you know that, Darcy. My personal trainer complains about it a lot."

"That's why I go to a regular gym. They're all staring at me and I have to be worthy to be in there so I work harder."

"That'd suck," Megan said. "People staring at you all the time? You don't even look good when you sweat."

"It's not about that though. It's about working out."

"No thanks." She waved a limp hand. "That's not my scene." She looked. "Eww, they let in the drug queen."

Darcy looked and grimaced. "Yes they did." She knew who the lady was, she was the major cocaine seller in the city. "Then again, half the room probably has her cell number."

"True." They went to get another drink at the bar, Kate not getting anything alcoholic and Megan getting more wine. "No wine?" Megan asked her dryly.

"No, I have to drive later. I didn't have the forethought to arrange for a hired car and driver tonight. I forgot all about this event."

"You could have one with me."

"Nah. I might bug out soon if I get patted again like I'm someone's dog."

"No, you're not a dog. No ears." She smiled and they walked off.

Kate looked around, then at Stark and Pepper, who were people watching. She left Megan with a nod at their hosts, going back over there. "What's making them all stupid acting?" she hissed in Stark's ear.

"I don't know," he said quietly. "It's weird though."

"Very."

"Did you drink?" he asked.

"Non-alcoholic."

"Me too. Pep?" She was giggling. "It's reacting in those who drank." Someone else walked in. "That's Scott."

She smiled, strolling over to him. "Hey, Scott." She shook his hand. "How's Cassie?" She walked him off. "Don't drink," she murmured. She glanced at a group of goofy acting matrons then back at him. "How did she do this year in school? I'm hoping I can give her letters of recommendation into my own school."

"She's not ready for that yet but she did good. Great grades. Had a 'B' average. I'm real proud of my kid." He smiled at the waiter, shaking his head. "I'm driving later. Thanks." He took a glass of water, so did Kate. They walked over to Stark. "Nice party, Stark. Thank you for inviting me."

"Not a problem. I never have enough people to talk to at these things." He glanced around. Kate was answering a text message to Clint. Who sent one back that they were coming. She showed it to Stark, who nodded. Scott sipped his water, grimacing at it. "Problems?"

"Heavy mineral taste." He put it down on the planter behind Pepper. She accidentally knocked it over and it withered the plant. "Huh." Stark looked and sighed then put down his own glass and Kate's glass.

Someone broke in. "This is a stickup," he announced, shooting into the ceiling. They continued to laugh and ignore him. He went to each group to get their things by asking. He ran into their little group. "Hey," he said with a smile. "That's a pretty necklace, can I have it?"

She smiled. "No. Sorry. My mother would be appalled."

"About what?"

She tripped him and stepped on his throat until he passed out. "That." She smiled at the agents coming in, pointing. They came to get him. "He was asking people nicely and they were giving him their things. There's something that was acting with the alcohol and now in the water."

"Thank you," the agent said. "Who're you, dear?"

"Kate Bishop."

The agent blinked a few times. "The female Hawkeye," he realized. She smiled and nodded. "It's great you handled him so quietly. Let us have him."

Kate looked at an agent she knew that was stomping over. "Him?"

"The drugs," she admitted. "Him we can take into custody. He is SHIELD."

"Okay. After earlier I'm a bit cautious. We had HYDRA trying to poison Clint's coffee."

Melinda May stared at her. "Why?"

"No clue." She grinned. "Just dumb."

"Yes, very dumb." She helped get the bad guy out of there. The PD could keep the bag of loot and hand it back when it was reported missing the next day.

Kate looked at Stark. "Swanky affairs you throw, Stark."

"Thanks, really. Not my idea of fun though." More agents and officers came in to get people gently to an ER for treatment. Stark took the remaining glasses of water and a glass of champagne back to his lab while Scott and Kate went to their respective homes for the night. Pepper would get treated and show up in the morning very mad at whoever had done that. Especially since so many of the attendants had been seriously ill by the time they got treated.

***

Darcy woke up to someone knocking on the door, holding her head as she walked over to answer it, blinking at the man standing there. "Do we know you?" she demanded. "I'm not in a friendly mood right now."

"Miss, we have a summons for you to appear in court," he said, holding it up.

Darcy picked up a mail bin and held it up. "In there." He stared at her. "Dude, I have a concussion. I'm not touching a blessed thing for hours since I have the nice double vision. It'll be safe in there." He dropped it. She used her phone to take a picture. "So I remember you were here when I wake up later. Have a better day." She slammed the door and locked it again. She looked at the summons then got some gloves from her emergency kit to pick it up and look at. A summons to appear in court over an assault charge. "Who did I assault?" she muttered. She sent a text to Brian about it, and he said he had no idea what it was about. He'd come pick it up later to give her an update. She said to please show up much later due to her concussion. She put the mail bin back down then took off her gloves so she could go back to bed.

***

Brian, Darcy's lawyer, looked at the judge later that morning. "Your Honor, there's two problems. One, my client was not informed until this morning to appear. The second, she's not able to attend due to a concussion. She's barely able to stay awake."

"Why is she concussed?" the judge asked impatiently.

"She said her friend's dog came rushing while she was in the shower and she tripped over it. She hit her head on the soap shelf in her shower."

"Oh, that's nasty. Do you have ER reports?" He handed them over. "I do see that they're dated this morning?"

"She went to a private physician when it happened. That's also her doctor's notes about it dated the morning after."

He read that, nodding. "It does appear she has a concussion." He looked at him. "We sent out the summons a month ago, Counselor."

He pulled up the tape from Darcy's hallway system. "This is him delivering it this morning, Your Honor." He let him see it. It had sound and picture.

"I see. Why did it take so long?" he asked the other side.

"No idea, sir. You had them sent out, not us," they reported.

"I can grant a continuance," the judge decided. "So she has time to figure out a defense."

"Or you could dismiss it since that woman was not Darcy Lewis, nee DeCriths," Brian said, handing over something to the bailiff. "The report and the pictures of where Miss Lewis was that night, Your Honor. They have her mistaken."

The judge huffed but looked at them. "I do see that she was publically photographed at an event somewhere. That's a pretty dress. My wife's bridesmaids wore something like that." He flipped to the other picture to compare them. "It could still be her."

"Sir, she was in DC that night. We have ER evidence that she ended up there after being bitten by a lizard." He handed that over as well. The ER's file had time in and out. "There is no way she went back three hours to assault that woman then went back to the ER. We also have the police report of that event that was nearly robbed." He handed it over. "It noted her bite but not her name."

The judge looked that over. "That's weird." He put it aside, looking at him. "She will still appear."

"If you wish but it's still impossible for her to have been in two places at once, Your Honor."

"There was time."

"Your Honor, did you not read the time on the report?"

"It could have taken a while to fix," he said firmly.

"Or there could have been an Avenger there with his wife and another one waiting outside to back him up, and she had her own security guard that night, Your Honor," Brian said. "The robbery attempt lasted less than twenty minutes thanks to Thor and Hawkeye." He handed over pictures from that event. "That is them fighting them off in the hallway and you can see Miss Lewis in the background. That reporter's camera does time stamp so it's on there as well. She's good but not mystical, Your Honor. She can't be in two places at once."

"I said she will still appear," he ordered.

"Yes, sir," he sighed.

"And she'll be here this afternoon," he smirked.

"That's fine, Sir, I can get her up for that but I don't expect her to be polite by any means."

"We'll see how she likes it when she's in jail for assault."

"Sir, she doesn't like to hit people. She tends to tase them." The judge flinched, shaking his head. "That's not her style. I can also tell you who did assault that person since they filed a police report against them." He held it up. The other side's lawyer grabbed it from his hand. "The one she started the fight with filed charges against their client for beating her." He looked over at the prosecution team. "That is the time and date of that assault, yes?"

"Yes it is. I did not get this when I asked."

"I asked a society reporter and she told me who it had been so I went to ask them if they had any proof. They had that and the ER report." He held it up. "Because they're suing her." He handed it over with a grin. "This is a nuisance suit like a pretend baby is. Even if Darcy had beaten her, she wouldn't have gotten much out of her." He looked at the client, who was bruised and limping today. "Who got you this time, young lady?"

"I don't have to speak to you," she sneered.

"Was it HYDRA since they're after the one you accused?" She flinched, shaking her head quickly. "You're lucky you survived them asking you about her." He took the files back. "So," he said with a clap. "Do you still want to press this?"

The lawyers got together to talk. "No. We're dropping the charges."

"No, you can't!" the woman said. "They'll kill me if I don't get her here! They're going to kill me and my moms!"

Brian stared at her then at the judge, who was looking appalled. Then at the lawyers. He looked around the courtroom, nodding at someone wearing a SHIELD style uniform. Then at the other lawyers. "Yours?"

"No," he admitted. "I knew nothing about this. I'm sorry we annoyed your client."

"She won't mind if it helps that one get free. Unfortunately if she were to show up here she'd have a bodyguard again so more people might get hurt. Your Honor, I move to stop this farce now."

"We are dropping the charges," the other law team agreed. "We had no idea about this twist."

"I say it's not dropped," the judge said. "We will be hearing why this young woman was assaulted."

"They want that lady bad," the girl said. "They said they could take her from here because she'd be less armed. You can't bring weapons into a courthouse." She stood up. "I didn't want to do this, Your Honor, but they have my mom hostage. I don't want to lose her."

Brian was texting with someone. "Your mother was found during a recent raid. She's in a hospital in Maryland." He looked at her. "SHIELD found her." She burst crying, slumping back into her seat. "I've told them to find your lawyers so they can get you to her side." He looked at the lawyers, who nodded they could arrange that. He looked at the judge. "It looks like this situation is solved, Your Honor. Can we be done with this now?"

"No. I still want answers."

"Sir, how would my client, who knows nothing about this, tell you anything?" Brian demanded.

"I'll hold you both in contempt of court if she isn't here at one." He banged his gavel. "Dismissed for lunch." He walked off smirking.

"Sure," he agreed, calling Darcy. "You have to appear here at one, Darcy. Yes, here. We've already done that. The judge is smirking and evil. Yup. I'll meet you here. Get dressed, get down here. Bring a guard. The girl admitted HYDRA was expecting you to be helpless." He listened and winced. "We can handle that." He hung up and texted that agent again. Who said she could send someone to the courthouse. Not an agent but someone Darcy would trust.

***

The judge looked at the young man behind Darcy Lewis. "Mr. Rogers," he sneered.

"No I'm not, Your Honor. We do look a lot alike but I am not Steve Rogers. I'm Tech Ops Specialist Jake Jensen, US Delta Forces." He handed the bailiff his military ID. They had been readmitted to be alive and then retired forcefully from the military. Aisha had still blown up Max in the middle east but the rest of them were mostly all right. "I'm a higher priced bodyguard, Your Honor."

He sneered at it, checking to make sure it's real. "I don't believe this is real," he noted.

Jake pulled up his paperwork from the military. "That's a copy of my discharge paperwork, Your Honor. Honorably discharged. At the bottom is my picture for formal records."

He looked it over, grimacing. "I see it is the same picture as on your ID." He handed it back to the bailiff. "I still think that's a fake, young man. I can hold you in contempt."

"Sir, I can prove who I am with a few other people who have known me and ask that Captain Rogers appear at the same time," he said bluntly, pointing behind him.

"He is not a captain," the judge sneered.

"I was given that rank posthumously after I crashed the plane into the ice," Steve said, standing up and taking off his ball cap. "Yes, I am a Captain, retired."

The judge stared at them both. "That's.... is he a clone?" he demanded, pointing at Jake.

"No. We've tried to see if there's any relativity but there's not," Steve said. "He's just cute. Anything else, Your Honor?"

"Sit down," he sneered. "We are here about Miss Lewis assaulting someone."

"No, Your Honor, we're not because those charges were dropped," Brian's partner said. They were both there now. "The lady in question admitted she had made up that assault charge to lure Miss Lewis into this courtroom so she could be kidnaped again. We can read back those minutes from the earlier statements if you wish."

"I say she did," the judge said. "And it was not a jury trial so it's at my discretion."

Darcy blinked at him then at Brian, who shook his head subtly. She looked at Jake then at the judge again. She raised her hand. "Bailiff, if my double vision is acting up please tell me so because I see two images of him, one of them younger with dark hair. I've seen through illusions before but it usually takes Asgardian mead. I guess a concussion is almost as good for screwing your mind up." The judge glared at her and changed then leapt towards her. Jake got in his way and stomped him onto the ground. Darcy got out of the way. She was in no shape to fight. Both lawyers moved with her as Steve had told them to earlier. Steve moved up to fight the guy as well. The bailiff was calling for help because that wasn't that judge.

"You'll never win," the judge/being sneered. "I'll get you."

"I doubt that," Steve said. "She's pretty guarded." More bailiffs rushed in with officers. "We have him down." He stomped on the guy since the illusion was back up. He had to change back from the pain of the broken arm he now had. He looked at the officers. "He tried to attack Miss Lewis."

"You know, you're pretty good at this," Jake quipped with a grin for him. "If you want to give up the shield you could do some bodyguarding work. We could set you up as another office."

"I'll think about that," he said with a smile back. "There's been plenty of days it'd be nice to have something easier."

"I'm sorry they're causing stress by coming after me," Darcy said.

"Don't move in case he can touch you and poison you," Steve ordered. "I'll heal, you won't."

"Sure." She pulled Jake back to protect him. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. He's a wimp compared to some of the ones we've fought. And he didn't even want to torture me. That means he's a worthless bad guy anyway." She laughed, hugging him. "You'll be okay and the headache will end soon."

"Thanks." She heard chanting and looked. "Does anyone else hear latin?" Steve nodded, looking at a corner. She pulled her and Jake down behind the seats in the audience area when a guy appeared. "Shit this is weirder than Stark tinkering while drunk and making an octopus with guns," she muttered, cracking Jake up. "Steve, going."

"Go," he agreed, fighting off this new guy. She and Jake got out of there in time to see Thor landing and stomping inside. "They had magic, Thor," she called. He waved a hand back at them. She and Jake fell back to her apartment's safe room. It was safer there. Conor was at Kate's in case the judge tried to order him put down for some odd reason since it looked like he was super against her for no reason. That way no one had to break him out of the pound. Jake got her calmed down and safe so she was okay for now.

***

Steve and Thor showed up that night, both looking a bit sweaty. Jake answered the door. "Is she okay?" Steve asked.

"Sleeping. I mixed up a slight drink so she could nap." He let them in by getting out of the way. "Darcy?" he called quietly. She moaned but woke up. "Steve and Thor are here."

She stumbled out, going to her couch to hug a pillow while staring at them. "What was that?"

"They were Asgardian and wanted you taken hostage as a means to get my cooperation with something," Thor said. "They were wrong to do so and taken care of, Lady Darcy."

She blinked at him. "I wouldn't let you do anything that way, Thor. I'm not Jane."

"We are still friends and you are still like my sister," he noted. "It is unreasonable of them to be so stupid but they have hopefully learned their lessons on their way to visit Queen Hel." He smoothed over her hair, making her wince. "Your head still throbs?"

"I'm still really touch sensitive thanks to that guy yesterday. They said it'll wear out sometime soon."

"Hmm. That is nasty," he agreed. He cuddled her, letting her sink into his side. "We will watch over you. You should come to the tower tonight."

"I've got my safe room here," she said with a point.

"We have many safe rooms," Thor reminded her.

"Just for tonight, Darcy? Please?" Steve asked. "I can put you into my apartment's spare room so you don't have to listen to Thor and Jane have sex."

"I've heard that a lot," she quipped. "Jane's a shrieker." Thor laughed, making her wince again. "I... Jake?"

"Go ahead and go. I can hang out here tonight in case someone tries something. Pack clothes for work tomorrow." She nodded, trudging to get that done. He looked at Steve. "Clay agreed, if you want to retire from heroing he'll gladly help you set up as a bodyguard sort."

Steve grinned. "There's been many days I would've liked that option instead. Let me get too fed up with everything." Bucky knocked once then let himself in. "I'm bringing her back to my spare apartment for the night."

"That's fine. She could use some babying."

"I do not," she called. "I have nothing I want to wear tomorrow. Nothing soft enough without shaving and that'll be horrible." She sighed and came out with a bag packed. "Something soft and I can hide the fuzzy legs." She blinked at Bucky. "Double images again." Thor moved to check him over. He broke the image processor on his necklace and knocked him into the hallway. "Sure, we can go now. Jake, are you sure?"

"I can come hang out in the common area there," he offered with a smile. She nodded. "Get things set so if someone breaks in they don't get anything." That meant she grabbed her laptop and a few other things to put into her bag. "Okay. C'mon, let's go." He followed them out, helping her down the stairs since she was so unsteady. They got into the car Steve had driven them over in, in the back. Steve and Thor came down together, dragging the not-Bucky. They met the real one at the bottom of the stairs and Bucky smirked as he took him to talk to. Thor followed him. Steve got in to drive. Jake grinned. "Should we stop and get the dog?"

"Kate's not doing anything tonight outside of an emergency," Darcy said, yawning. "I can pick him up tomorrow."

"I can get him," Steve told her. She looked at him. "Really, he'll be good to play with and he's very protective as a guard dog." He drove them off, pausing to get Conor, which turned into getting Kate and Cutey too. They all cuddled in the backseat so he had to take a picture with his phone. Then one when Darcy stuck out her tongue at him. "You two are cuter than the groupies Stark got last time."

"I need groupies," Jake said, sighing at the end. "It'd be nice to be admired for stuff and have girls that didn't want Cougar." Kate gave him a squeeze and Darcy gave him a cuddle. "Thanks, girls."

"Welcome," Kate said with a grin. "You're cute enough for groupies."

"Yes I am," he agreed smugly. His phone chose that moment to ring. "Let me wiggle that out, Darcy." She grabbed it for him. "Thanks for not groping too." She smirked up at him. "Yeah, Clay? Because I have your ringtone set specifically," he said dryly. "You can set one for each contact in your phone if you're good at it. No, I'm on my way to Avengers tower with Darcy, Kate, Steve, and the dogs. Someone tried to pretend to be Barnes. He and Thor are talking to them since earlier it was Asgardians and Darcy's seeing through illusions thanks to the concussion. Yup, and the dogs. Sure, let me know." He hung up. "He'll take morning shift," he told them.

"That's fine," Steve agreed. "We like it when Darcy has good bodyguards. She seems to need them sometimes."

"Hey!" she complained. "Not my fault. But can we get away from the street protest?" She pointed. "There's a rally and a protest tonight according to twitter."

"Gladly," Steve agreed, changing streets and going around the mess-to-be.

"So glad I didn't pull duty tonight," Kate quipped. "That'd suck."

"Why would you?" Steve asked her, looking back at a red light.

"Because people were worried the protest would get attacked," Kate said. "Not just by the protestors, who have a very good reason to be there, but by outsiders who might have ideas."

"I hope Stark's drunk octopus tinkering buddy shows up to fire up the ass of the guy that I'm suing," Darcy mumbled.

"We'll ask him if it can go do that," Jake said with a grin for her. She snuggled in. Steve drove off with a grin. "I know, we're adorable. You two could be just as adorable since we're almost twinning."

Steve shook his head. "I admire Darcy but I've got a girlfriend, Jake."

"Cool. I could use one of those too." Steve snorted but it had sounded amused. "Seriously! My last one Cougar stole. Hell, my last four Cougar stole," he admitted. "All the girls want his hat."

Kate patted him on the arm she was leaning against. "We know brains are hotter than cowboy hats and an accent." He grinned at her. "I'd offer but I'd only use you for sex and learning how to hack better." He laughed, pulling her closer to cuddle. His phone went off again. She looked at the message he was cracking up about sending back a text. 'I'm rich, adorable, on a supers team, and really skilled. If I want to offer my pussy up to such a great man, I can do that because I'm legal.' She handed the phone back once she had sent it, making him giggle into her hair. "I'm sure your friends will understand."

"I'm pretty sure they will too. Never hit on Clay though, he prefers his batshit insane so we'd worry about your mental state and if you were going to bomb his car."

"Wow, I thought I had met a few unstable people," Kate quipped.

"Me too," Steve agreed. "They bombed his car?"

"Yeah. He's had three that stabbed him. Another two that shot him. A few that tried to sell him to someone." He grinned. "He calls it volatile."

"I call 'em crazy," Steve agreed. "Well, if I meet anyone like that I'll let them introduce themselves to him."

"Thanks. He could use a new good thing. Lord knows they've been short recently, even for Cougar."

Steve was grinning as he pulled into the parking garage. "They are for all of us right now." He parked and got out, looking at the dogs. "Dogs, guard the Darcy human. We're going upstairs." They got out and Conor walked next to Darcy. Cutey walked ahead sniffing things and barking at people who might be in her human's way. At least until she smelled her favorite licking target and ran ahead to lick her until she got petted.

"Cutey, leave Natasha alone for a minute," Kate called. "Let's get Darcy to bed. She's sick." Cutey came trotting back, barking up at her happily and going to climb in on Darcy's stomach. Conor got the other side of the large bed. They laid there and let the human fall asleep. Steve put down water while Kate got food down for them then they left to let Darcy nap. Steve went to his apartment to rest. Kate walked out to the common area, smiling at them. The dogs followed her again since she was doing more things that could mean playing time. "Guys, this is Jake. He's a bodyguard that's helped Darcy a lot. He's a former delta guy and tech ops so he's good with mechanical shit that Stark can build." Stark smirked at her and waved. "Darcy wanted to use some sort of drunken octopus tinkering thing on the protest uptown." She sat down.

"I hate that she remembers that thing," he complained. "I was drunk. She can't hold that against me."

"I might be amused if HYDRA was taken down by something that looked like their symbol," Pepper said dryly, looking at Stark. "But that octopus was weird."

"It was, that's why I dismantled it when I realized I had built that thing." He looked up the hallway at the noise. "Hey, Jane. Don't go near Darcy, she's got a concussion."

"Why this time?" she asked.

"Russian mob guys," Kate told her with a grin for the baby and a wave. "Hey, Ems."

"I'm a good girl!" the baby shouted. "Not grounded!"

"You keep yelling and you can be spanked," Stark told her. "And grounded."

She pouted, sniffling at the dogs. She made her mother put her down due to the wiggling and went to cuddle the dogs. "At least you still loves me."

"We do love you, daughter, but you're a brat tonight," Jane told her. "You have to behave better, like your grandmother would want." She gave her a pointed look. "Really, you must."

She huffed but went back to playing with Cutey. She was more her size and the other two were cuddly but heavy. She pouted at Lucky, who licked her on the cheek. "You're smooshing me into Conor." Clint got up to grab his dog and take him back. "Hey! I only wanted him to move an inch or so!" she whined.

"You need a nap," Clint told her. "You're whiny like a little kid."

She pouted and sniffled. "Mean!"

"Yup, that's why we cook you breakfast," Clint said dryly. "But only if you go to bed. Now."

"Have dogs?"

"No, not have dogs. We need the dogs to guard everyone. You can play tomorrow." She slumped and sniffled but finally got up to trudge to bed.

"Brush your teeth," Jane called after her. "Want a bedtime story?"

"No," she pouted. "Mean bitch."

"I heard that. I'm telling your father," Jane warned. Emma ran to bed and hid, forgetting about her teeth entirely. Daddy would spank and he was mean about it. She didn't want that. Jane looked at Clint. "Thanks."

"Kids get cranky when they're tired." He shrugged and petted his dog. "She'll wake up and be in a better mood."

"I hope so. She hates the lab and anything math or science."

"Plenty of kids do until they find something they like that uses it," Stark agreed. She nodded, going to tuck her daughter in. Tony looked at the others. "So the mob? Are they done for?"

"Darcy talked most of the neighborhood ones into going to the gym and dressing better," Kate said with a grin. "That guy was apparently a higher up." She looked at Natasha. "Did they get him?"

"He is already on his way to upper New Jersey to defend his actions." She crossed her legs. Cutey hopped up to lap her until she gave in and petted her again. "Why do you persist in doing that?" she complained but petted the dog.

"Cutey's training you in how to handle a dog," Kate quipped with a grin. "Lucky does it to Bruce."

Clint nodded. "Yes he does. Knocks him away from his lab table and everything." Pepper left, giggling about that image.

"Lucky's like a kid between you and Lewis anyway," Stark told him. Clint just smirked at him. "He'll fuss over the scientists until they give up sciencing for a bit to eat and then play with him so they're happier." He sipped some water, watching the dog try to irritate Natasha until she gave in and petted her better. She finally got down to the petting and teasing of the puppy so that was nicer. Less drool too. She stared at him. "Did I say that out loud?" She smirked and nodded. "Sorry but true." Kate was giggling.

Jake shrugged. "I do that all the time. The team mostly ignores me unless it's Clay telling me to shut up, he's trying to hit on volatile women. Or Clay reminding me to put on pants because I was hacking something in my boxers again."

Stark looked at him. "Pepper made me stop that too." Jake grinned at him.

"Are you sure you're not Stark and Cap's kid?" Kate joked, grinning at Jake.

"Nah. I've never built an AI, never really wanted to because it'd mean I was more bored again, and I can't use a shield."

"You guys are horrible," Clint told Kate. Who just grinned back at him. Darcy wandered out toward the kitchen. "What's up? We could've gotten you water or something." She waved the hand with her tazer and walked into the emergency stairwell, shocking someone so hard they screamed and fell down the stairs. Then she wandered back to bed and someone in there shrieked too. "I got the stairs."

"I didn't know someone built a teleporter yet," Jake said, heading to Darcy's room. He hauled the guy up and hit him a few times. "Who sent you?"

"We want the bitch," he moaned. "She's wrong and forcing others to follow her."

Darcy looked at him, blinking hard. "It's the boobs. People like to follow my breasts." She slammed the door, going back to bed.

Jake dragged the guy out to dump with Clint's. "He said Darcy's evil and people are following her ways. She claims it was due to her boobs."

Clint looked at them, shaking his head. "I follow Darcy because she gets into trouble. It means I'm hardly ever bored."

"Yeah, we enjoy that," Jake agreed with a grin at them. "So, you failed," he told the idiot duo. "How does that feel? Do we need to find you a shrink to go with your new prison roommate? I'm sure they'd like to talk to you too."

Stark snorted, shaking his head. "Guys like that get mental counseling and probation, Jensen." Jake smirked at him. "We could hang them off the porch so they know who can really do evil. That way we don't nudge Lewis that way again."

Kate shrugged. "Too much work to hang them. You have to set up proper support so they don't crack the railings and/or fall."

Stark nodded at that. "Good point."

She snapped. "Found an article that proves reporters can be truly, honestly stupid. One of them was stalking Darcy and asked why she looked so much like that DeCriths woman. Were they secretly twins." Stark burst out laughing. "I nicely tweeted their twitter to tell the editor she was kinda stupid and couldn't read their own papers since she had said that." She looked at the guys on the floor when she heard one whine.

"She's *that* lady?" one of them demanded. "She's fully evil!"

"Duh, Lewis is her grandmother's maiden name." She smirked at him. "Yeah, you went after DeCriths, bitches. Have fun with that." She smiled. "Others sure will." They groaned and one cried. "So why were you after Darcy anyway? What evil was she doing this time?"

"She was doing things, wrong things, and it's harming people."

"By teaching them to read?" Kate quipped. "Really?" They nodded. "Well, fuck you because everyone should be able to read. That way people can look at things for themselves instead of being told how things are. That's why most smart people are for and support universal education." She stared at them. "Hell, I even donate money and time to that cause." They both were nearly crying. "Don't you, Stark?"

"Yeah. I give grants to my former schools and promising schools that do for geniuses. Plus a few college grants and I do give to education based programs for the inner city kids. A lot of geniuses are being held down by being so poor and in such piss poor schools."

Natasha nodded. "I do giving to those programs myself. Thank you for not making me get up, boys." They smirked at her. "The next one should be handled more easily."

One of them looked at her and went pale, inching away from her. "You're the great evil one that's teaching women to fight," he complained.

She raised an eyebrow. "All women should be able to protect themselves from men like you," she said bluntly. "You are clearly not worthy of any woman." He huffed. Officers came off the elevator with Steve and they hauled the guys off. "They didn't know Darcy was who she is but they considered her evil for working with people who need education. Apparently I'm the scary evil one for teaching women how to protect themselves."

One of the officers looked down at them. "Proves your were raised by idiots. Women shouldn't have to wait on someone to save them. It means they get hurt or killed because they had to wait." He hauled them down to their car so they could arrest them. They went to the jail sniffling about such indignities.

Natasha shook her head with a sigh. "I'm wondering why Lewis has such things happen around her. Is there some sort of spatial flux?" she asked Stark.

"I wondered about that for years since she didn't used to have that problem. Until she met Jane." He shrugged. "No idea if something about the incident in New Mexico did that to her or something that Jane found in the desert."

"I was there, there wasn't anything that we noted," Clint said. He shrugged slightly. "I thought she was hot but otherwise nothing out of the ordinary that we could tell. Though we did think she was just a normal chick without a degree."

Natasha smiled at him. "I'm the one that fixed her file. Thankfully that agent retired six weeks after he wrote it so poorly."

"That's good at least, yeah. He's not screwing up other background checks or files. Though there seems to be a lot of those in the new SHIELD."

She nodded. "Too many." She settled in to relax, letting the dogs cuddle around her for petting when they wanted. Conor was staring intently at the elevator door. "He does take his protection very seriously." She pointed.

Stark smiled. "He's a herd guarding dog. He's smart enough to know bad things come off the elevators. He's a great choice for her."

"She almost got Cutey instead," Jake told them. "Kate and I went with her to pick out her dog, with Lucky's help so they'd get along."

"That explains why the dogs are so close," Natasha said, looking at them. Cutey was nestled in Lucky's stomach fur again to hide while sleeping. She looked at Clint, pointing.

Kate grinned at her. "They are like you and Clint sometimes."

"I do not lick people's faces," she noted dryly.

"No but Cutey does it to either get your full attention on her so Lucky or Conor could sneak something or just to draw your attention. You have breasts for that, Natasha, and you learned how to use them even better than Darcy has."

Natasha smiled. "Thank you, I think." She looked at Clint again.

"They do work together as a team. That's how Lucky sneaks over to Darcy's so often. The other two open the press window and Lucky gets mine." He patted Kate on the top of the head. "Then again, she's said to be like mine and Bobbi's kid sometimes."

"I like your ex. She's a neat lady and I'd hate to not have my own mom but she'd make a good stepmom." She smirked at him. "Thankfully I'm not adoptable so I can't suggest you two get back together again."

"I'm going to beat your ass during sparring, little girl," he smirked back.

"If you're sure," she quipped. "'Cause I'm not."

"Uh-huh." He looked at Natasha again. "Bobbi thinks she's a cute kid too."

"Your former wife did have excellent taste before she married you," she joked. Clint scowled. She grinned a tiny little grin. "After you she married Lance."

"Point." He shrugged. "She's got a type."

"Uh-huh."

"Jake, let me get you a spare room," Stark said, standing up. "And Bishop too before they start to spar and then have sex."

"I can have Darcy's couch, Stark. I'm her bodyguard."

"Point. Okay, Bishop?"

"Sure, I'll let those two snark their way into bed. I'm sure it's an again but I'd never speculate." She got up and followed him to a guest room. Her dog and Lucky followed to nap with her. Jake went back to Darcy's room and Conor followed to watch from in there. Stark let the two assassins nag each other.

Clint shook his head with a sigh. "I think Darcy warped Katie a tiny bit."

"Perhaps but it could have been natural. After all, they do consider her like your child."

"Yeah, not hardly. Little sister, please."

"If you're certain."

"Yup. Very."

"I should teach her how to tie you up."

"You know I hate being tied up, Natasha."

"Yes but she could probably teach you it was a good thing instead." She smirked a tiny bit. "Especially if it would get you spoiled for your birthday."

"Absolutely not." He stared at her. "You *know* I hate bondage."

"Even soft ones on her bed?"

"She doesn't have a headboard that'll do, Natasha."

"Fine." She smiled a tiny bit. "I can imagine her tying you down with very soft ropes, with quick release knots and her being your body slave all day to teach you to enjoy it." He groaned but went to his own room. She smiled to herself, going to her suite to help the happy mood along. Teasing Clint was sometimes the most fun thing. She would have to ask Darcy tomorrow if she'd like the tying people up lessons. It might come in handy in multiple ways in her life.

Up the hall, Clint was shuddering and going to shower the nasty thought away.

***

Darcy got nudged awake in the morning and handed coffee by Clay. She grunted, glaring up at him. He smirked a tiny bit. "Agent here to speak to you."

"It's too fucking early for that shit," she mumbled, gulping the coffee and laying back down again to go back to sleep.

Clay went to tell the agent that. "She said it's too fucking early, had the coffee, and went back to sleep with the dog guarding her."

Agent Coulson stared at him for a minute. "I've had to wake her up in the past. It wasn't a spectacular day by any means." Conor came rushing out to bark at him. "I'm all right, dog. I just need to talk to her." Conor growled, hair raising on his neck as he faced off with the evil thing wanting his human. "Okay," he said, backing up slowly. "I'll wait an hour. All right? Is that okay?" he asked the dog. The dog was back to barking so he looked at Clay. "I'll be in the living room area when you can get her up."

"Fine," Clay agreed with a nod. "I can make the dog calm down. He's a good dog to guard her."

"Yes he is a very good dog to guard her." He turned at the sound of barking outside the door. "Is that Clint's dog?"

"Too high pitched so that's got to be Cutey, Kate's dog," Jensen said. "Conor, down please. He won't hurt your human." He sat up with a groan, looking at the dog. "It's all right. She won't get bothered by him. Tell Cutey to calm down."

"Dog!" Stark complained. "You're too damn loud!"

Jake opened the door. "There's an agent here to talk to Darcy. Conor went off on him so they came to back him up. Sorry, Stark."

"It's too damn early for this shit," he said, glaring at Coulson. "I still owe you a discussion about that dead thing."

"I'll be here for a few hours waiting on Lewis to wake up, Stark. We can talk later. Let me go sit in the living room so the dogs calm down." He got around the two barking dogs, running into the other one, who just stared at him intently while lightly growling. He went to sit down and smiled at the fussy, grumpy kid in there. "Good morning, Emma."

She glared at him. "Who're you?" she demanded.

"I'm Agent Phil. I head SHIELD."

She shrugged. "SHIELD sucks. They do mean things to my dad like make him fight." She looked. "Lucky," she cooed. "Come play me?" He barked at her then kept staring at the agent. "Hmm. You must be bad because dogs don't like you," she said. "Dad! Bad man!" Stark was laughing in the hallway. Thor stomped in with his hammer in hand. "The dogs don't like him," she said with a point.

He blinked. "Son of Coul," he said. "You came to talk to my daughter?"

"I came to talk to Darcy and she's not up yet," he said. "Which set off the dogs. I didn't mean to make them upset."

Thor looked at Lucky. "He would not harm her, Lucky. She is safe with him. You, Conor, and Cutey can all relax about him."

"They've all met me before," Coulson said.

"Big difference in when their human is awake or when she's asleep and vulnerable," Clint said as he walked out, clipping on Lucky's leash. "Walking time."

"Me!" Emma shouted, bouncing up and down. "I can help."

"I'd have to carry you," Clint told her. "And you hate that."

"Na-uh! I can walk!"

"Not for the five miles we'll be running you can't." He smirked at her. "You can have Lucky back in an hour. Okay? And Cutey too." Kate came out pulling up her hair and zipping up her hoodie jacket. She had Conor and Cutey on a leash to go with them. "C'mon, dogs. Outside time for a run." They barked at him and followed their orders.

"I can still go," Emma told her father, pouting at him.

"We can go play in the park later and I'll see if we can bring one of the dogs," he promised. She hugged his thigh. "You're a good girl most of the time, Emma. We appreciate that."

"She could get her own dog," Coulson said.

Thor shook his head. "Nay. We have much to take care of with her, especially when Jane's in the lab." He carried his daughter into the kitchen to get her food. She'd be less cranky once she ate. She was like her mother in that.

Coulson shook his head but made a note to make sure not to wake up Darcy when the dog was around. It might save other agents from being bitten. Which would then mean Darcy would take out said agent for threatening her dog. They didn't need that at SHIELD, they didn't have enough agents as is.

Steve came out shaking his head but smiling. "Morning."

"Good morning. I came to talk to Darcy but she's refusing to wake up."

"She'll do that for about an hour," Steve said. "Bucky used to make sure she got up some days when he was protecting her from the roof." He went in to make his own food, smiling at Emma, who grinned and waved from behind her toast and cereal. "Morning, Emma."

"Morning, Uncle Steve! Daddy said we could go to the park later and he'd steal Lucky or Cutey for me."

"I said I'd try to bring a dog," Thor reminded her. "Not that I would manage to. They might be back at home later, Emma."

"Whatever." She dug in again. She knew she could steal a dog. She had nearly stolen one in the park a few weeks back. Stealing from her uncle would be okay. Or Miss Kate. She was nice about those things.

Thor looked at his daughter. "No plotting," he warned. "Or no park." She pouted but quit thinking where her father could read her mind.

Steve grinned at Thor for managing to catch his daughter's mumbling into her cereal between bites. She was one hell of a girl, and hell on the nerves too.

***

Darcy got six whole weeks of stress free time at work, home, and volunteering, when the shit tried to hit a fan again. She frowned at the letter that had been delivered at her work, opening it. "Why am I getting mail from SHIELD?" she muttered, reading the letter. "Oh, that's sweet." She growled lightly.

"Miss Lewis, is something wrong?" FRIDAY asked.

"Yes, there is. But it's nothing that you can help me with, dear." She got up and went up to Pepper's office. She wasn't totally busy, and was glaring at her computer. "Tell me this says what I think it says?" she asked, holding up the letter.

Pepper took it to look over. "Yes, it blatantly states that SHIELD would like you to be raped and impregnated, that it's your civic duty to give in." She grimaced. "Who is that person claiming to be the director of SHIELD?" A beam went over the letter and then a dossier came up on her virtual screen. "I see the president did appoint him the head of SHIELD because Coulson's still supposedly dead. This is going to cause a lot of problems for us as well as the team." She looked up, handing the letter back. Darcy had that bad look on her face. "What are you planning on doing?"

She smiled. "Don't worry about it, Pepper. I'm not going to be *mean*." She grinned. "Let me go call someone." She walked off, going to grab her phone from her office and dialing as she walked off to go outside the office so Stark couldn't listen in. "Hi, Sasha, it's Darcy Lewis. Yes I heard. No, actually I'm calling to warn you. You have a picture on your journal from September that shows an undercover agent and he's supposedly dead. I'm pretty sure that they're going to have a hissy fit since SHIELD just got renewed and has a new director.

"No, it was the one on my block. That guy in the back you were wondering about, yeah. Him." She smiled. "Seriously? I think SHIELD might come after you for that little bit of a picture of him but I'm not totally sure so I'm warning you. Well, yeah, I'm doing more than warning you," she said with a smile. "Because the new director sent me a letter saying it was my civic duty to allow myself to be raped and impregnated. Literally said that I was ignoring my civic duty by not getting pregnant and having super soldier babies.

"That they could no longer help me if HYDRA captured me again. Sure, I can share that letter. I'll snap a pic and send it after I hang up. Yeah, that guy. He's not a bad agent and he's helped me a lot, even if he has tried to wake me up way too early a few times. So be careful, okay? As a few of your people proved last month, there's not enough smart reporters in this city." She hung up and sighed, looking at the security guard that had followed her. She snapped a picture of the letter and sent it to that reporter.

She felt pity for the agents at SHIELD but not that much. She walked off calling her lawyer, sending him that picture too. He promised to start something against them as well. When she got back to the tower with her new latte Stark met her in the elevator. She handed over the letter with a smile. "A reporter had a few pictures that could cause her problems thanks to that new bag of dicks. I warned her." She took the letter back once Stark was growling. She walked back to her office to get back to work. "Hi, Steve," she said when he walked in looking commanding. "Did the new director of SHIELD find you too? You look constipated."

"You broke open that conspiracy." He stared at her. "Hill sent me down here to talk to you before she beats you to death for spilling classified information."

"I don't have access to classified information, Steve. So how would I spill it?" She held up the letter, making him growl. "All I did was warn a reporter that she had a picture of an undercover agent who was supposedly dead before that new guy took her out, and probably her whole family since he's that sort apparently." She took the letter back and put it into her desk drawer, safe from harm.

He blinked at her. "Shit. You're fully evil now."

She smiled. "You say some of the sweetest things, Steve. Thank you." He walked off shivering. Hill stomped in so she showed her the picture of the letter. "All I did was warn a reporter that she had a picture of an agent who was undercover and supposedly dead before he took out her family. Considering she was complaining earlier that she was getting death threats from an unnamed source I figured it was probably your former bosses." She sipped her drink.

"That could destroy the rebuilding that SHIELD is doing, Lewis."

"I don't have access to anything classified, Hill, and I'll be damned if I'm going to be threatened that way. By the way, how does he know I'm fertile? No one's tested that and with that scarring from the surgery I might not be." She took another sip. "So therefore his HYDRA-like plans are foiled as well." She stared at her. "You can tell the not-dead one-eyed asshole that too, since social media has caught sight of him too. Even if I got knocked up by Steve or Barnes, you'd never get the kids. I'd send them to Asgard first to be raised by Loki."

She stared at the other woman. "Anything else this pretty fall day?" Hill groaned. Darcy smiled. "I hate being backed into a corner and having to protect myself, Hill. If I have to protect myself I will. Even if it means that others who have plots go down so I'm safer. What did you expect, me to just go hop on their laps and try immediately to get knocked up?"

"No," she ground out. "We expected you to be subtle."

"I don't think subtle would work, Hill. Guys like that don't understand subtle and I'm pretty sure if he's pushing this idea, there's others higher up who like it too. The publically available information on him said he's an asskisser."

"This is going to be bad."

She smiled. "You can tell them I might not be fertile anyway. That way they don't steal my records from my GYN again." She handed over that letter with a smile. "I was wondering which group it was. Turns out it was the supposed side of good. Who still would never get any kid I gave birth to. And if I did have a kid, I'd get much, much worse about protecting them. The world could burn and I'd light it on fire if I have to."

Hill stepped back. "I'll try to stop them. Can you lay low?"

"No. I have things I have to do this weekend. Sorry." She smiled. "You have a great talk with Coulson though."

She walked off texting Fury and Coulson about this. This was going to be a cluster fuck of the likes only Stark could create. She did go talk to Stark about not helping her. Too late as it turned out. Rogers had started to help her with that problem. She glared at him. "What are you doing?"

"Making sure that I don't disappoint my mother by having a child out of wedlock," he said bluntly, glaring at her. "Or Bucky's mom when someone tries him again. I don't want them to come back from the dead to beat me to death."

"Lewis just said she'd send any kid she had to Asgard for Loki to raise," Stark quipped from his lab stool. "At least the kid would be crafty."

"If I have to send my offspring off this plane to be safe, I'll make the world safe so they can come home quickly. She won't need to start that fire, I'll do it for her," Steve told him. He looked at Hill again. "She had a point. She couldn't have spilled classified information. She doesn't have access to classified information." Hill huffed. "Sorry but pity. You're not using me. You're not using Bucky. We'll take down SHIELD ourselves if we have to."

"I'm pretty sure you'd have help," Stark told him. "Before they try mine to get an heir they can force on the company to take over my suit and things." He held up the planning notes of the future operation with a smirk for Hill. "Try. Really."

She took it to look at and huffed. "That was not our doing, Stark."

"No that was the new director's doing," he said dryly. "I'll have fun with him."

"Sir," FRIDAY said quietly. "You asked me to watch Miss Lewis for odd behaviors? Would that include her buying a defunct company?"

"Probably," he said. "What did she buy?"

"She put in a bid on a closed rival of yours."

"LEWIS!" he bellowed.

"I don't believe she can hear you, sir," the AI said impatiently. "But I have noted you wanted to speak to her."

Darcy strolled in with her coffee, smiling at Tony. "You bellowed like I'm still a lab assistant?"

"You're buying Hammer's piece of crap company?" he demanded. "You don't even do science!"

"I can hire a lot of very good people to help me make defensive things so no one in my position has to be so unprotected," she said with a smile. "And if I don't need it, I'll donate it to Culver so they can use it for the new engineering building they've been nagging every alumni to donate to." She took a sip of her coffee. "I have plans but they'd never interfere with yours, Tony."

He stared at her. "You can't do that! Your contract has a clause about not working for a competitor for five years."

"Why would me making a company to create defensive technology be a rival to SI?" He blinked at her, looking confused. "Yeah. There's got to be better things than my door shock system, which got a few agents just now, Hill." She held up the camera view she pulled up of one agent trying to pull two others out of her hallway. She looked at Stark again. "Thankfully Conor's with Lucky right now and my system alerts Clint and Bucky both if I'm not nearby and don't answer within a few seconds of the alert starting.

"Kate would get it after five minutes of no one answering the alert." She stared at him. "I'm going to find a way to make sure every teenage girl and older in the US has access to a tazer and/or pepper spray while working on a better defense system for the girl out and about having fun. And I'll be giving Culver students paid internships," she said with a smile. "Gotta help my alma mater."

He stared at her, gripping his table. "That's still wrong, Darcy."

"No, it's a good idea," Steve said. "Perhaps a bit reactionary." She smiled at him. Then at Stark. "It wouldn't compete with what you're doing here, Stark. You don't work on general defense things for people."

"No, I don't," he admitted, staring at her. "You're fully gone to evil."

"A woman's got to defend herself somehow. Right, Hill?" She walked off. "If I don't need to start that I'll give it to Culver as my lifetime grant and make them responsible for that defense idea coming to fruition as a part of the deal to hand it over. It's really near the campus and they could easily sell all the old crappy machines to afford to rehab the building."

He groaned, staring at Steve. "I think it's a good idea, even if she is going toward evil," Steve told him. "It could be a great benefit for everyone."

Tony sighed. "Still evil." He sent a message to Pepper about that. She agreed, it wouldn't be a competitor to Stark Industries so she didn't violate the contract but she could take Darcy to the spa with her tomorrow to hopefully calm her down. Then she went back another one saying that Darcy was going to be staying somewhere tonight since agents had tried to kidnap her again and they were clearly SHIELD by their supervisors showing up to take them out for it thanks to Clint. Stark pulled up video from Darcy's building, letting them all watch it.

Hill called that senior agent. "Take them out if you have to," she ordered quietly. "We at SHIELD do not kidnap people to impregnate them. We're not HYDRA or AIM. Nor will we ever be. If the new director countermands that I'm outing that Fury's not dead." She hung up. She looked at Stark. "Calm her down."

"Too late now," he said dryly. "We've tried to keep her from going there but you guys pushed." He waved a hand. "I don't do magic and it'll probably take a lot to get her to quit plotting to keep herself safe from the likes of them. I'd watch out that she doesn't sue you and the president as well." She nodded, walking off calling Fury to apprise him of this clusterfuck. He looked at Steve, who shrugged.

"We can suggest she moves into the tower."

"She'd hate that. She has autonomy there." Stark watched the ass chewing and smiled, poking Kate's phone with a text message to stay out of it. Kate sent one back that was a middle finger emoji then started to yell at the agents, in full view of the press, the mob guys, the agents, and others. The reporters were having a field day reporting on that. "Bishop took evil lessons from Lewis. Well, she said she considered Bishop like a little sister."

Steve shuddered. "They're going to destroy them." He walked off. "I don't want to know yet."

"I'll give you a report," Stark said. "FRIDAY, make an outline of what's going on for him please."

"Yes, sir."

Stark leaned back to watch the government agency burn for the second time. He found Fury's phone number and sent out a message to that same reporter about him with that picture. She had a huge exclusive to breach and yell about. Within twenty minutes it was on Headline News, CNN, and FOX News was starting to whine about it. Oh well.

***

Darcy met with the people from Culver that weekend, smiling and shaking their hands as she greeted them. Pepper had talked her down from running it herself so she had to make good on her promise to give to her alma mater. "Thank you for coming so we can go over this donation." She settled into her seat. "I, like all alumni, have been hit up repeatedly for donations for the new engineering complex."

"I looked you up before we came up," the president of Culver University said with a smile. "You were political science."

"Yes, I am, but I have worked with some amazing scientists over the last few years. Frankly, I was going to deal with this myself and then hire Culver kids as paid interns but it got impressed on me that I'd never have any free time again." She grimaced. "And got nagged about being in the humanities instead of the sciences so I'd just be a figurehead." She laid out the folder. "I have bought Justin Hammer's former company. Including the lab that is not even ten miles from Culver's campus."

The president and the dean of the engineering college both stared at her. She smiled. "Originally I was going to set up a company that was going to be researching and making defensive things that will serve young women better than pepper spray or tazers. It's become a bit necessary in my life you might say. It was impressed on me that it would be better to let Culver have the rights to that building, let them sell all the old equipment, and make that a part of the grant." She pushed the folder over. "I don't want my name on it or anything but it's an important thing with how dangerous the world is today. Way too many women, including many women on the campus, are assaulted in some manner or another. We need to be able to protect ourselves. Which would take engineers to make new things," she said with a nod to the dean.

He licked his lips. "I have a few students who are dreaming up ways of that but they're not that practical yet. Are you looking to set up a chair or anything?"

"No." She smiled. "I don't need that sort of notice. I don't even use my original name thanks to the threats in my life. I don't need a chair named in my honor, my name on the building, anything like that. It can be the Culver Institute of Defensive Technology if you want."

"It's a unique program among the engineering schools and it could get us a lot of very good students," the dean agreed with a nod. He looked it over. "That building's large enough to be an engineering building and labs."

"It already has some labs. Though I'm told by Tony Stark that most of Hammer's things are pathetic pieces of trash. So if you don't need the machines you could sell them to do any renovation work you needed to do."

"Did you get the patents?" the president asked. "They should bring in a continual stream of money to upkeep things."

"He only had two related to it. He's still holding them but there's a way for you to claim anything patented as partially the college's so you can share that with the makers. Not to mention future endowments by other alumni."

They looked at each other and smiled at her. "Let's go over the details of what you were thinking," the dean said with a grin for her. "That's actually something we could really do a lot with." She went over the paperwork with them. It was pretty plain, very comprehensive so the IRS wouldn't go after her for anything, and nicely legal. It would give the properties from the company, outside three things, to Culver to disband and use the money to set up the new engineering complex.

It did lay out some needs Darcy knew they might not think of, including advanced firefighting equipment because she knew about lab explosions all too well. They could agree with that and announce it later that day once their own lawyers looked the agreement over. It'd take a year for that program to be set up there but they had budgeted five years before a new building was built so they were definitely ahead.

"Are you sure you don't want anything named after you?" the president asked.

She smiled. "You can name the counseling center's safe rooms after me if you want but I don't need it. If I wanted my name on things I would've married Stark."

He shook her hand. "Thank you, Miss Lewis. You've done Culver University a great service."

"You guys hooked me up with Jane for my internship. I can't imagine what I'd be doing now if I hadn't met her." She leaned back in her chair. "I hope you guys come up with some great things to help young men and women defend themselves from the idiots out there with plots and plans."

"Us too," the dean said, shaking her hand. They left to talk to their lawyers. Two hours later they had signed the agreement and announced the grant.

Hammer himself sent out a 'congratulations' message to them saying he hoped that his former company could someday teach students to be as great as he was at great ideas. He was a bit grumpy because he had underestimated Lewis greatly. She clearly wasn't a minion. Stark sent out a congratulations message saying he hoped that they educated geniuses like him there so he had someone to follow in his genius footsteps, and that the defensive technologies program was a welcome need in today's world so he hoped they came up with great things. After all, the team had to retire some year and the world would need to take their places.

Stark looked at Lewis when she got back that afternoon. "That was sneaky." She smiled and nodded. "They outed you as the benefactor."

"That's fine."

"Hammer's going to go looking."

"And he's going to be unamused that he was nearly in touching distance of me and thought I was a minion," she said with an evil smirk. "I didn't even ask them to name something after me. I told them if I wanted my name on everything I would've married you."

He snorted but looked amused. "Yeah, I can see that, Lewis." He stared at her. "Now what?"

"Now...I've got a court hearing in two hours. The new director of SHIELD has filed a petition to have me taken into custody to be impregnated." She smiled. "I'm going to wear out this mood on him." She strolled off. "Have fun."

"Take a bodyguard, Lewis," he called after her.

"I already have Clay waiting, Stark. I'm not stupid."

"Uh-huh." He sent a note up to Pepper, who congratulated Culver as well, and hoped to someday get many interns from that program. Then she sent out a 'I hope it goes well when you fight for your independence from the people who want your future children' message at Darcy's twitter. Darcy sent back a 'thank you and I'm off to smite evil' one back. It got a lot of questions started.

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