Okay it is possible to die from a paper cut! by josette grover

Story Notes:

roughly follows canon, but with some major changes. Lost Son didn’t happen, they got extra money from the city, and Ryan joined the team, training under Speed. The snake is still the mole, but Horatio and Marisol never married and she died of cancer.

Author's Chapter Notes:

Disclaimer: If you recognize the characters, I don't own them.

“Horatio, I have the results of the toxicology reports.” Alexx says, sticking her head in the open door of Horatio’s office. He looks up and waves her in.

“She died of anaphylactic shock?” Horatio asks, looking over the papers Alexx handed him.

“Yes, and according to her medical records, she was severely, as in she was supposed to have an epi pen on her at all times, allergic to peanuts. I examined the paper, and found a very, very, very faint trace of peanut oil on the paper.”

“How faint?”

“Like somebody had handled a stack of papers had some peanuts in the last day or so. I talked to the officer who had delivered the papers to the various offices. He’d had a payday candy bar on the day before. We think that’s all it took.”

“If she had an epi-pen, why didn’t she use it?” Horatio asks, rubbing his forehead.

Alexx shrugs as she picks up the papers and leaves the room.

An hour later, he picks up the phone when it rings, listens to the voice on the other end, and moans as the headache returns full-force.

“In all due respect sir, are you stupid? The building is not, has not, and never will be declared a peanut free zone. The officer had a candy bar on his day off. There is nothing to support bringing him up on involuntary manslaughter charges. All he did was deliver some paperwork to the labs.”

Horatio listens some more. “No sir, I will not support you on this. In fact, I will tell the officer in question to consult a lawyer immediately if you continue this investigation. I do not believe that just because you have a possible life-threatening allergy, you should force everybody around you to defer to your needs. You should be grown up enough to know the possibility exists and take steps to handle it yourself, instead of forcing everybody else to handle it for you.”

Horatio listens to the phone again and sighs. “No sir, she could have picked up her newspaper delivered by the next door neighbor who had had a candy bar, the mailman delivering her mail could have had a candy bar, the person who filled our order for lab equipment could have had a candy bar. Would you have charged them as well? No sir, I don’t feel that way. Boa Vista knew she had an allergy, she knew the symptoms, and according to Ryan Wolfe she did nothing. Therefore, the blame for her death should be put squarely on her shoulders.” Horatio puts the phone down and sighs before picking it up again and calling Alexx up to his office with something for a headache. Calling the others into the office, he motions for them to gather round. “No Eric, don’t bother to shut the door, the news will be around the building in ten minutes anyway.”

A howl can be heard from Horatio’s office a couple minutes later causing everybody in earshot to look in that direction. “Is that man insane or just stupid?”

“It’s an election year, Alexx. He wants to make a good impression on the voters.” Speed snickers.

“Asshole keeps it up, he’s going to be laughed out of office.”

The End.

josette grover is the author of 203 other stories.
This story is a favorite of 1 members. Members who liked Okay it is possible to die from a paper cut! also liked 67 other stories.
This story is part of the series, Humorous Deathfics. The previous story in the series is How do you die from a paper cut?. The next story in the series is Told you that a squirt gun could kill you!.

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Okay it is possible to die from a paper cut! by josette grover [Reviews - 1] Table of Contents - Text Size + Story Notes: roughly follows canon, but with some major changes. Lost Son didn’t happen, they got extra money from the city, and Ryan joined the team, training under Speed. The snake is still the mole, but Horatio and Marisol never married and she died of cancer. Author's Chapter Notes: Disclaimer: If you recognize the characters, I don't own them. “Horatio, I have the results of the toxicology reports.” Alexx says, sticking her head in the open door of Horatio’s office. He looks up and waves her in. “She died of anaphylactic shock?” Horatio asks, looking over the papers Alexx handed him. “Yes, and according to her medical records, she was severely, as in she was supposed to have an epi pen on her at all times, allergic to peanuts. I examined the paper, and found a very, very, very faint trace of peanut oil on the paper.” “How faint?” “Like somebody had handled a stack of papers had some peanuts in the last day or so. I talked to the officer who had delivered the papers to the various offices. He’d had a payday candy bar on the day before. We think that’s all it took.” “If she had an epi-pen, why didn’t she use it?” Horatio asks, rubbing his forehead. Alexx shrugs as she picks up the papers and leaves the room. An hour later, he picks up the phone when it rings, listens to the voice on the other end, and moans as the headache returns full-force. “In all due respect sir, are you stupid? The building is not, has not, and never will be declared a peanut free zone. The officer had a candy bar on his day off. There is nothing to support bringing him up on involuntary manslaughter charges. All he did was deliver some paperwork to the labs.” Horatio listens some more. “No sir, I will not support you on this. In fact, I will tell the officer in question to consult a lawyer immediately if you continue this investigation. I do not believe that just because you have a possible life-threatening allergy, you should force everybody around you to defer to your needs. You should be grown up enough to know the possibility exists and take steps to handle it yourself, instead of forcing everybody else to handle it for you.” Horatio listens to the phone again and sighs. “No sir, she could have picked up her newspaper delivered by the next door neighbor who had had a candy bar, the mailman delivering her mail could have had a candy bar, the person who filled our order for lab equipment could have had a candy bar. Would you have charged them as well? No sir, I don’t feel that way. Boa Vista knew she had an allergy, she knew the symptoms, and according to Ryan Wolfe she did nothing. Therefore, the blame for her death should be put squarely on her shoulders.” Horatio puts the phone down and sighs before picking it up again and calling Alexx up to his office with something for a headache. Calling the others into the office, he motions for them to gather round. “No Eric, don’t bother to shut the door, the news will be around the building in ten minutes anyway.” A howl can be heard from Horatio’s office a couple minutes later causing everybody in earshot to look in that direction. “Is that man insane or just stupid?” “It’s an election year, Alexx. He wants to make a good impression on the voters.” Speed snickers. “Asshole keeps it up, he’s going to be laughed out of office.” The End. josette grover is the author of 203 other stories. This story is a favorite of 1 members. Members who liked Okay it is possible to die from a paper cut! also liked 67 other stories. This story is part of the series, Humorous Deathfics. The previous story in the series is How do you die from a paper cut?. The next story in the series is Told you that a squirt gun could kill you!. You must login (register) to review.

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