Chapter 1

“Osiris, keeper of the gate, master of all fate, hear us.
Before time, and after. Before knowing and nothing.
Accept our offering. Know our prayer.
Osiris! Here lies the warrior of the people. Let her cross over.
Osiris, let her cross over! Aah...” Willow collapsed as the Urn of Osiris was smashed by one of the demonic biker’s that was trashing Sunnydale since there was no Slayer to stop them.

Separated by over a thousand miles two graves were suddenly encased by an orange mist. As the mist swirled over the decaying corpses the skin and hair began to repair themselves and the eyes reappeared. At the exact same moment two people woke, gasping, in their own coffins.

“Willow are you okay?” Willow managed a shaky smile for her lover.

“I don’t know. Just before the spell was broken I felt something...it was powerful.”

“Did it hurt you?” Tara asked, concerned for Willow.

“No, it was like it...hitchhiked? Onto the spell. I think...something was trying to get out of hell with Buffy.”

“Then maybe it’s a good thing the spell failed.”

“Maybe.”

-----------------------------
Bobby frowned at his nephew’s grave, something wasn’t right. He didn’t know what odd feeling had woken him, but it had him out in his back lot armed with a shotgun at two in the morning. Bobby knew he should have salted and burned the body but when the time had come he hadn’t been able to bring himself to do it.

Sam had helped him put protections on Xander’s body and coffin. They also had a priest in the know bless the grave itself. It had been over a year and nothing had disturbed the grave, so why was he here now?

Bobby’s eyes widened as he heard a soft scrabbling noise coming from the grave. He raised his shotgun and took aim at the ground in front of the rough headstone. His hands were steady but he was screaming in his head, screaming for whatever it was to not break the surface, to spare him from having to shoot his nephew’s corpse.

Bobby watched as a hand broke through, followed by the other, and then a body was scrambling free of the dirt to lie, panting beside the grave. It was Xander’s body, looking like he’d never died, let alone been buried for a year and a half.

“You get out of his body you bastard.” Bobby snarled, raising the gun. A head shot up to reveal wild glowing green eyes and then lips pulled back in a snarl before whatever was in Xander paused to scent the air.

Crouching on all fours, Xander’s body slowly inched forward before stopping to scent the air again. He growled and lunged, knocking the shotgun aside and pinning Bobby to the ground. The hunter tried to struggle, but it was no use.

Bobby froze as warm breath puffed against his throat. And then a nose was buried behind his ear and a tongue swiped across his neck. Xander pulled back to sit on his haunches and let out a yip before nudging Bobby.

Bobby slowly sat up and stared at his nephew. It couldn’t be, could it? But he’d seen those eyes before, after Sam had died, and Dean saw them when Xander had fought Meg. The primal hyena spirit Xander shared his body with was somehow still there.

“Xander?” Bobby called softly, slowly extending his hand towards the hyena possessed male. Xander flinched back from the hand before sniffing it and then pushing against it with his head. Bobby laughed and ran his fingers through the matted hair before getting to his feet.

He backed towards the house and Xander followed, still on all fours. Bobby frowned at that and slowly moved closer. He gently tugged one of Xander’s arms up and looped it around his shoulder’s, ignoring the hesitant growl. He then wrapped his own arm around Xander’s waist and slowly pulled him to his feet. Xander whined slightly, confusion clear on his face but Bobby just held on and took a slow step. It was hard going but by the time they got to the back porch Xander was almost walking on his own.

Once inside, Bobby helped Xander onto the couch and where he immediately curled up. He watched as Bobby headed into the kitchen and whined as soon as he was out of sight. He relaxed again when Bobby came back. Bobby sat beside him and held out the glass of water, but all Xander did was stare at it.

“Guess you don’t know what it is huh?” Bobby asked sadly. Bobby held it to Xander’s lips and tilted it so the holy water wet them. Xander’s mouth opened and he gulped it down greedily.
“I’d be thirsty too after so long dead. Tired?” He asked as he noticed Xander’s eyelids drooping. Bobby grabbed a blanket and put it over Xander.
“Its okay kid, you get some sleep. I’ll keep you safe.” Bobby gently petted Xander’s head until his nephew fell asleep and then slowly moved from the room to grab the phone.

“Hello?” A groggy voice answered.

“Dean it’s Bobby, you and Sam need to get to my house.” Bobby told him.

“Is something wrong?” Dean asked, suddenly alert.

“I’m not sure. Just hurry up.” Bobby hung up as he heard Xander whimper. He sat down beside him again and just let his hand rest in the matted locks. Xander instantly calmed and continued to sleep.

---------------------------
“Did Bobby say what was so important?” Sam asked from where he was slumped in his seat.

“No but he didn’t sound too sure that nothing was wrong.” Dean told his brother.

“He has to be okay.” Sam muttered quietly and Dean silently agreed, sparing a glance at his brother. Sam had rarely smiled since Xander’s death; though he’d been quick to reassure Dean he was ecstatic the older Winchester was still alive. Dean had to admit things were a lot duller without the younger hunter around. Bobby had sunk into the bottle for a few months, until Sam had dunked him into an icy bathtub. Dean had never realised Bobby had such a...varied vocabulary.

Dean turned the engine off as they got out of the car, both looking around to see if anything was out of place. The screen door opened and Bobby stepped out onto the porch walking over to the Impala instead of waiting for them at the top of the stairs like usual.

“Do we get an explanation now?” Dean asked and Bobby raked his hands through his hair.

“Bobby?” Sam asked hesitantly and Bobby sighed.

“I don’t know how to tell ya. Last night something woke me. I went to check on Xander’s grave.” Bobby explained and both Winchester’s went a bit pale.

“Did something?” Sam asked and Bobby nodded.

“Something alright. I’m getting tired of being sniffed! I called Sunnydale; Giles is back in England, so I talk to Tara. Turns out, that last night Willow pulled a resurrection spell, only it was interrupted. She felt something powerful latch on to it. That something...was Xander. Or at least the hyena. Can’t tell if it’s just her or if Xander’s still in there. But she recognised me at least. I tested him, there’s nothing demonic about him. I kind of hoped, the three of us around might jog anything of the kid that’s left in there. Xander said she saw you two as pack so that shouldn’t be a problem.” Dean and Sam stared at Bobby in shock as he explained the situation.

“You mean Xander’s inside?” The hope in Sam’s voice hurt.

“His body is, but his mind? It’s definitely the hyena in the driver’s seat Sam. He’s running on pure animal instinct and intelligence. Didn’t even know how to drink out of a glass or walk upright. But once he’s shown he remembers.” Bobby explained. Sam had stopped listening though and was already past him on the porch.

Sam took a deep breath and opened the door, slipping into the cool dimness of Bobby’s home. He looked around, catching the sound of a low growl. Moving forward cautiously, he passed the couch where he saw Xander. Sam dropped to his knees, unable to look away.

“Xander?” He called shakily, extending a hand. Xander bared his teeth and his muscles began to bunch for a leap, but then he took a deep breath and stopped. Sam watched as Xander’s body slowly relaxed, as Sam cautiously moved closer, his hand still held out.

Xander moved closer as well, sniffing at him and then Sam nearly jumped as Xander licked his hand. Sam soon found himself staring up at the ceiling as Xander sat on his stomach and then began nuzzling him. Sam laughed softly and ran his fingers through Xander’s hair.

Dean froze inside the door, watching as Xander happily sat perched on Sam, this brother’s fingers moving through Xander’s hair. Xander’s head snapped up and he growled at Dean but Sam wrapped an arm around Xander and continued petting him.

“It’s okay Xander, it’s Dean. You know Dean.” Sam soothed and Dean cautiously moved closer.
“Let him sniff you Dean.” Sam told his brother and Dean pulled a face but held out his hand as he finally came up behind Sam. Xander sniffed at him and then fully relaxed.

“So he does remember us.” Dean commented as Bobby followed them inside.
“Think he’s going to get off Sam any time soon?” Sam blushed and gently pushed Xander off so he could sit up. Xander was instantly pressed against Sam’s side and Sam blushed again.

“Uh, this may be a good time to point out that the hyena sort of sees Sam as Xander’s mate?” Bobby shuffled uncomfortably as the brothers stared at him.

“So at least we know the feelings are definitely reciprocated.” Dean pointed out with a grin.
“So how do we get Xander back to, well, Xander?”

“No clue.” Bobby answered, still watching his nephew cling to Sam.

“Great.” Sam groaned.

TBC...

Sam looked down to see Xander curled up against his side. The hyena saw him as Xander’s mate? It was a lot to take in after so long thinking he would never get the chance to tell Xander how he felt. But that was still up in the air, they didn’t know why the hyena was the one in control or if Xander’s soul was even in there with her. However, it was pretty obvious now that Sam was around she/he was not leaving their mate. Which could be problematic.

Xander looked up and cocked his head curiously. Sam smiled at him as Xander reached out to trace his lips and then to Sam’s surprise tried to copy the facial movements.

“Xander.” Sam placed a hand on Xander’s chest.
“Xander.” He repeated and then put his hand on his own chest.
“Sam. Xander...Sam.” He repeated the motions several more times and then waited to see what would happen. Xander’s hand slowly came up to rest on Sam’s chest.

“Ssss.” He frowned and Sam nodded in encouragement.
“Ssaa.” Xander tried again and Sam noticed Bobby standing in the doorway, a look of hope on his face.
“Saammm.” Sam laughed and hugged Xander.

“Yes Xander, I’m Sam. That’s brilliant.” Sam praised and Xander smiled.

-------------------------------
Bobby checked in and smiled when he saw Xander curled up on Sam, both boys asleep with Dean snoring lightly in the bed next to theirs. Xander whimpered softly in his sleep and Sam shifted, tightening his grip and Xander calmed again. If he’d been able to see into his nephews head at that moment his smile would have been a hundred times brighter.

See going to hell had an unforseen side effect on a person who was technically hosting two souls and the memory of another. It forced them to merge almost completely and then the most powerful took the driver’s seat to protect them, in Xander’s case that meant the Hyena was in control.

It was enough that the demons left him alone; since his soul wasn’t human or demonic they didn’t really know what to do with him. So they’d carved out their own little corner and defended their territory from any comers. When Willow’s spell had reached out in search of the Slayer’s soul all parts of Xander recognised her power and so latched on and let it pull them back. But Xander the human had been pushed down deep to survive with the soldier standing guard. Now that they were out things were changing.

-------------------------------
Sam woke to find warm brown eyes staring at him and that was a shock, the whole time Xander had been back they had been the green of the hyena. Sam reached out and stroked Xander’s cheek and Xander turned into his touch.

“Xander?” Xander just stared at him but there was something in his eyes that hadn’t been there before, human intelligence, not just animal. But there was no more recognition of who Sam was than there had been before and that hurt; to be seen as simply his mate due to animal instincts. Sam wanted his friend back and while progress was obviously being made he wanted it to happen quicker. Xander had only been back for two days so maybe he was being unrealistic but still....

“Sam?” Dean called groggily from the other bed and Sam felt a flash of guilt for waking his brother.

“It’s okay, go back to sleep.” Sam whispered and Dean grunted, rolling over to stare at them. Dean gazed at them and then looked at Sam who shrugged.
“His eyes are brown again.” Sam answered the unasked question and Dean raised an eyebrow.

“That’s a good sign right?”

“I think so.”

“Good. So go back to sleep, sun’s only half up.” With that Dean rolled back over.

--------------------------
The week had passed quite interestingly for the occupants of Singer Salvage. Xander was now able to sit and eat at the table and take care of his own needs but since that one utterance of Sam’s name he hadn’t spoken a word. He’d also stopped communicating like the hyena too so they couldn’t decide if it was a step forward or backwards.

Bobby had called Sunnydale again only to find Buffy had been brought back as planned and that she was pretty much back to normal, if a little sad sometimes. The only difference they could find between the two resurrections was Xander’s left over possessions.

So when he dropped into a crouch and began to growl, his eyes once again glowing green the three men lunged for weapons and took up defensive positions at the windows. Though it was hard for Sam since Xander’s instinct was to protect his mate which meant getting Sam out of the line of fire. Bobby’s dog, Rumsfeld (though not the original since he had been killed by Meg), started barking and growling in warning as well from outside.

The door banged open and Xander snarled, preparing to pounce but Sam held him back as Ruby sauntered inside only to freeze at the sight of a feral Xander. Xander began literally snarling and she backed up.

“Call your dog off.” She demanded and Sam snarled at her. She blinked in shock but wisely moderated her tone.
“I came to warn you, Lilith’s upped the bounty on Sam’s head. And I suppose him being back explains the second one, feral boy is wanted dead too. All of you are actually but the two of you are at the top of the list.”

“Thanks for the warning now get out.” Dean warned and she left in a huff. Xander calmed once she was gone and Sam relaxed his grip a bit. Xander turned in his arms and stared up at him, his eyes brown again.

“Demon gone.” Xander stated and Sam laughed, pulling him closer.

“Demon’s gone Xander.” Sam said without letting him go. Xander looked around the room curiously and then stared at his uncle.

“Un’le Bobby.” Xander stated, not quite getting uncle but the fact that he was talking and knew who they were was a miracle in itself. Xander turned again to face Dean.
“Dean.” Dean grinned and nodded at the younger male. A final turn had him staring up at Sam again.
“Sam. Mate. Mine.” Xander stated and Sam nodded, swallowing thickly.

“Yours.” Sam answered and Xander smiled, snuggling into his embrace.

---------------------------
Sam smiled as he noticed Xander watching him. He didn’t know exactly what had triggered it but lately Xander was beginning to act almost like his old self. Although, it was obvious that there was still a lot that he didn’t remember. As Xander began to reclaim himself, the moments of animal behaviour lessoned. The hyena’s presence was still obvious in the predatory way he would move around the house, and the speed in which he made those movements. Bobby, Dean and Sam had talked it over and the consensus was that Xander’s three personas had somehow merged even closer while in Hell, probably as a coping mechanism.

Xander protectively followed Sam everywhere but he didn’t get in Dean’s way when the two were having fun teasing each other. Obviously Xander knew they were brothers and that brothers often fought without meaning anything by it or really trying to hurt each other. As Xander followed Sam, he began to mimic much of what Sam did. He was relearning how to be human without them having to actively try and teach him.

Sam held out a hand and Xander was instantly by his side, staring down curiously at the book Sam had been reading for research. They desperately needed more information on Lilith and what she was planning to do with her army. She wanted her competition out of the way so she had to have some sort of plan for the army. Sam turned the page and Xander whimpered softly. Looking down Sam stared at the artist’s impression of hellhounds before slamming it shut.

“Xander?” He called but the younger man was backing away, frowning and holding his head. His scream had Dean and Bobby running into the house from where they’d been working on the Impala. Xander collapsed into a huddled heap on the floor, rocking and screaming in fear and pain.

“Sam? What happened?” Dean yelled as Sam dropped to Xander’s side, trying to comfort him.

“The stupid book had a picture of Hellhounds.” Sam told them and they both winced.

“Must have triggered a memory.” Bobby stated and then moved to his nephew’s side to try and help Sam calm him.

Xander screamed as images and sensations bombarded his mind. He could feel claws ripping into his flesh as teeth tore at his chest to reach his heart. He writhed in pain, screaming for it to stop, willing to do almost anything to make the pain go away.

“Xander it’s okay, your safe. Nothing’s hurting you.” He whimpered but relaxed a little from his curled position as a familiar voice reached him. It was soothing and warm and he knew its owner wouldn’t lie to him but then why did it hurt?
“You need to focus Xander, what you’re feeling isn’t real. It’s a memory. Come back Xander, please.” He forced himself to listen, to cling to the voice and slowly the pain receded and he uncurled a little. Gentle arms wrapped around him and familiar scents washed over him. He finally relaxed fully and let himself be pulled into a lap, soaking up the warmth while hovering somewhere between sleep and waking. He didn’t know how long he stayed like that until he rolled over to look up into familiar hazel eyes.

“Sam.” He reached up to trace the familiar face and Sam gave him a watery smile, hugging him close.

TBC...

Sam sat at the bottom of the bed, watching over Xander as he slept. After saying Sam’s name he’d passed out and had been asleep now for nearly twenty four hours. Bobby had guessed the stress of remembering his death and maybe more had overloaded his mind and so Xander was sleeping while he worked things out. It was the best any of them could come up with. Sam just wished he’d wake up; he was worried that Xander may have suffered a setback due to remembering the hellhounds. Who would blame him for trying to suppress that memory?

Sam moved further up the bed as Xander began to move restlessly. He held onto the hand that nearly hit him and ran the fingers of his other hand through Xander’s hair, trying to offer comfort. He sat up straighter as Xander’s eyelids began to flutter.

“Xander? It’s okay, you’re safe.” He called softly and was rewarded with confused brown eyes as they opened and slowly focused on him.
“Hey, bout time you woke up.” He greeted even though he knew Xander didn’t really understand.

“Sam? What? Where?” Xander groaned out, looking blearily around the room not noticing Sam’s frozen form. Did his questions mean? Sam couldn’t help the hope that welled up at the thought.

“Xander?” Sam called and Xander turned back to him. Sam swallowed and then decided to bite the bullet.
“What’s the last thing you remember?” He asked and Xander frowned in thought. Sam couldn’t keep his heart from racing in excitement and Xander stared at his pulse in concern.

“Sam what’s wrong? Your heart.”

“I’m okay Xander.” Sam soothed, squeezing the hand he still held. He smiled as Xander relaxed and even rolled closer to him.

“Feels nice.” The younger male slurred, already drifting back to sleep. Sam smiled down at him and decided to stay where he was for a while.

--------------------------
Bobby froze as he saw the big smile on Sam’s face as he came downstairs.

“Sam?” He questioned only to gasp in shock as Sam grabbed him in a hug.

“Xander woke up! And he was talking!” Sam practically shouted, bringing Dean running.

“What?” Dean asked, seeing there was no danger.

“Xander woke up and he knew who I was, then he asked where and what. He reacted every time I called his name and even used complete sentences!” Sam explained in a rush and Dean and Bobby smiled in relief.

“Guess you were right about his brain processing stuff.” Dean grinned at Bobby who nodded and then headed upstairs; wanting to be there the next time his nephew woke.

-------------------
Bobby moved closer as brown eyes blinked open sleepily before focusing on him.

“Uncle Bobby? Sam...Sam was here. Is he okay?” With that Bobby felt himself sinking to the floor in relief.
“Uncle Bobby!” Xander yelled, fear evident in his voice as he scrambled off the bed and to his uncles side. He squeaked in surprise as he was yanked into a rib crushing embrace.

“It’s good to have you back kiddo.” Bobby whispered into Xander’s hair as he held the young man close. Xander pulled back and frowned in confusion and Bobby asked the question he dreaded asking.
“What’s the last thing you remember?” he asked gently, standing and making Xander get back into bed.

“I....” Xander trailed off, eyes going wide and breathing hitching.

“Breath Xander!” Bobby called, worried. He could feel Sam and Dean hovering just outside the room but not coming in out of respect of him being family.
“It’s okay, you’re safe, everyone’s okay.

“Dean, he was going to die but Sam needs him. I couldn’t let Sam go through that.” Xander babbled, eyes wide and back against the headboard.

“Xander look at me.” Bobby ordered and terrified brown eyes met his.

“Dean and Sam are fine. Okay?” Xander nodded slowly, his breathing gradually calming.
“What else?”

“I got a call, one of Ethan’s contacts knew a spell that could help but it wouldn’t break the contract, just slip in a substitute. I found a motel, set up spells so no one would see it except you three or one of the gang from LA or Sunnydale. Didn’t want just anyone finding...”

Xander stopped and Bobby handed him a glass of water only to have to rescue it as Xander’s hands were shaking too much to hold it steady. He drank greedily for a few seconds before pushing it away.

“Once it was all done all I could do was wait. I remember the clock hitting midnight then growling and pain. Everything went black then....it was white and I was facing the Hyena and soldier boy. Something weird was happening and it hurt almost more than the hounds. Nothing much after that, just flashes of darkness, heat and blood. Bits and pieces of you three and a blond girl? Didn’t like her. She smelt like lust towards our mate.” Xander fell silent and Bobby gave him another hard hug.

“I’m just glad you’re back. Gave me a heart attack when you crawled out of your grave though.”

“Sorry....how? How did I come back? Shouldn’t I be hurt or something?”

“Willow did a spell. Buffy...Buffy died a few months ago stopping a Hell god and Willow tried to bring her back. Apparently your soul hitchhiked onto the spell, it fully restored your body.” Bobby explained and Xander nodded. Then he shook his head.
“Xander?”

“Sorry. It’s hard to focus.” Xander admitted quietly and Bobby sighed.

“Not that surprising. The hyena’s been in control since you got back and you need to get used to being the one in the driver’s seat again. Take your time.” Bobby patted his shoulder and then stood up.
“Boys are outside if you want to?” Xander nodded and Bobby left the room. A few seconds later Sam and Dean walked in and Xander smiled.

“Hey.” He whispered.

“You stupid idiot.” Dean choked and actually hugged a rather startled Xander.
“Don’t you ever do something like that again, hear me?” The eldest Winchester demanded and Xander automatically nodded. Now rather nervous Xander looked shyly up at Sam who just sat beside him and pulled him into a tight hug.

“I never want to bury you again Xander. Please.” Sam begged and Xander slowly wrapped his arms around Sam, returning the hug. Xander relaxed fully as he recognised Sam’s scent instinctively.

------------------------
Xander grinned as he watched Sam and Dean sparing in Bobby’s yard. He’d finally convinced his uncle he wasn’t going to suddenly collapse or start screaming if he was allowed out of bed and it was nice to be outside. He was glad they had all bought his lie that had had only remembered ‘flashes’ of his time in Hell. He didn’t blame Angel for coming back a bit...odd at first.

He just considered himself lucky that he had the hyena to act as a buffer while they’d been down there. After they had torn apart the first five demons most had left them alone. He had the feeling the ones that hadn’t were those that followed Lilith. He may not have been with it but he still remembered Ruby’s little visit and warning.

Lilith’s followers had been very insistent in trying to corral them over to an area all three aspects of his soul had screamed was dangerous. The demon in charge of that section had made even the hyena wary. Instead they had fought free and hidden far away in an almost forgotten corner, killing any who dared approach.

Then had come the rush of searching power, magic that had been oh so familiar. They hadn’t known what the red witch was searching for but in her spell, backed by something that could only have been one of the old gods. They hadn’t cared as they had grabbed onto the magic and refused to let go. He could vaguely remember waking in a cold, dark space and the fight for the surface.

Xander shuddered and pushed those memories away. He smiled slightly as he remembered Willow babbling in his ear over the phone even if he was mad at the kind of powers she was dabbling in. Death magic was not something a white witch should be touching and yet she raised Buffy. He snorted at that, she had ripped Buffy from Heaven and in the process given him a way out of hell. At least nothing else had tagged along for the ride out of Hell, of that he was positive.

There had simply been quiet breathing on both sides when Buffy had been handed the phone, each knowing what had happened to the other. At least until he’d told her he was happy for her and then Buffy had cried because he was glad she had been in Heaven and not in Hell with him.

Buffy having a younger sister who knew him but he had no memories of was kind of creepy though. Since he’d been dead at the time the spell had missed him when handing out memories of Dawn. Giles had been sincere when he’d said he was happy that Xander was back and that made him happy. Once Giles had been almost a father figure and now he was simply a friend. Xander still cared for the Scoobies but he was even more separate from them now than he had been when he’d returned to help with ADAM. They may fight the same fight just on different fronts but they were worlds apart and that was the way it would stay.

Sam was a whole other problem. Every time he saw him Xander found himself fighting the need to claim him and it was getting very frustrating. Sam had been very tactile with him since his return but that didn’t mean he would appreciate Xander acting on any of his urges. But it wasn’t just the primal part of him that wanted Sam, he was in love with the older male and he could no longer deny it. But the last thing he wanted was for Sam to look at him in disgust.

TBC....

Dean looked over as Bobby hung up on his mystery caller.

“Well?”

“I don’t like this. Apparently there’s been an increase in demonic activity out in Stanley, Idaho. Unfortunately we’re the closest hunters available.”

“Surely someone’s closer than us? What about one of the LA group? That PI firm or whatever that Xander knows.” Dean asked, unable to believe it and sharing Bobby’s suspicion.

“Busy with their yearly thing. No way is Xander ready for this and I don’t want to leave him here alone.” Bobby suddenly chuckled and Dean shot him a worried look before realising what had him amused. They’d both seen the way Xander and Sam looked at each other when they thought the other wasn’t looking. Bobby had even sat Dean down to make sure that he was okay with it, surprised when Dean had admitted to telling Sam to sit on Xander if necessary.
“But I don’t like the idea of pushing them.”

“If we leave it up to them we’ll be old and grey by the time they get their act together. Well, you’ll be older. You remember what Sam was like after Xander....I just want Sam to be happy Bobby.”

“Alright. We’ll take the hunt and leave Sam to watch over Xander. But that’s all we’re going to do.”

“Agreed.”

-----------------------------------
Xander watched as his uncle and Dean drove away, silently cursing in his head. How could they do this to him? If only Bobby had given the hunt to the brothers or even taken Sam with him; but no, obviously the Powers wanted prolong his torture. He could feel Her purring in delight at what they could spend their time doing and he had to fight himself not to react the way She wanted. Bad Hyena! He’d just have to try and stay away from Sam as much as possible...yeah he was dreaming. He still had issues being alone for too long which was obviously part of the reason Sam had been left behind.

“You okay?” He didn’t jump because he’d smelt and heard Sam coming but he had to struggle not to lean into his touch as a gentle hand landed on his shoulder.

“Yeah. Just feels weird with Uncle Bobby actually leaving. He’s barely let me out of his sight the last few weeks.” Xander lied; Sam nodded, easily accepting the lie.

“Alright. Want some lunch?”

“Sure.”

------------------------------------
Xander stood in the doorway watching Sam sleep and waging an internal battle that he was losing. The hyena wanted to claim their mate and she was tired of him saying no. With a low growl the brief battle was won as the hyena surged into the front of Xander’s mind, his brown eyes once again glowing an eerie green. Xander could only watch as his body moved over to the bed and then straddled Sam.

Sam’s eyes snapped open as he felt a weight settle on his legs. He started to reach for a weapon only to pause as he recognised Xander in the dark.

“Xander?” He asked, wondering if the younger male had had another nightmare.

“Shhh.” Was the whispered reply before Xander’s lips were on his. Sam froze for a second before kissing Xander back and reaching up to pull him closer. He smiled as they separated only to freeze when he saw the green glow.

“No!” Sam bucked up, trying to dislodge the hyena controlled male but all that did was push a certain part of their bodies together. Sam fought not to moan at the sensation and to concentrate on what he was doing. He got his arms between them and ignored the warning growl.
“We are not doing this. You let Xander back in control, now! If Xander wants this then he can make the first move, not you.” Sam glared angrily at the primal and forced himself to hold his ground. He watched as green faded and Xander slumped against him bonelessly.
“Xander?” He lowered his arms and Xander collapsed on top of him.

“Sorry.” Sam hugged Xander as he heard the whispered apology.

“It’s okay Xander.” Sam told him calmly and then decided to show him it was alright. He tugged Xander’s head up and then gently kissed him. Xander’s eyes went wide in shock and Sam let him go.

“Sam?” Xander asked warily, backing away. Sam let him go for now, while he hated the fact that the hyena had pushed Xander, in a way, Sam was glad. He hadn’t planned to kiss Xander first, but Xander looked like had needed it. He’d been too afraid to say anything without some sort of sign from Xander but now he had to do something.

“I’ve liked you since we met Xander and then...then it took Dean to point out it was more than that. I’m in love with you, have been for a while. I just...didn’t want to admit it, even to myself. I was scared. Scared you wouldn’t feel the same way, scared of Dean’s reaction, just plain scared. And then we found you and you were...you were dead and I was too late.” Sam explained quietly, not looking at Xander.

Xander stared at Sam in shock. Sam liked him? Sam loved him? He knew what Sam meant by being too late. He’d felt the same way when Sam had died and yet he’d never said anything when Sam came back. Yet here Sam was, having the courage to say what he hadn’t been able to.

“Xander?” Sam looked up at him and Xander sat back down on the bed.

“I...love you too. Have for ages. After you...I wanted to tell you but I was scared and then it was too late and I’m sorry.” Xander babbled and Sam laughed softly.

“We’re a pair aren’t we?” Sam asked and Xander smiled. Sam reached out and slowly pulled Xander closer. Xander relaxed and let him, shifting around so he was comfortably cradled by Sam’s longer limbs. He ignored the sound of purring in the back of his mind coming from his self-satisfied primal. He snarled half heartedly at her and received a soft laugh for his troubles.
“Let’s get some sleep.” Sam spoke after a while of just sitting in silence. Xander went to get up and go to his room but Sam grabbed his wrist and then blushed.
“You can sleep here, if you want too. Just sleep.” Sam offered and Xander thought about it for a second.

“Okay.” Sam lay down and then Xander slid in beside him. Sam pulled him closer and let Xander lay his head over Sam’s heart. Comforted by the steady beat Xander soon drifted into a deep, peaceful sleep.

TBC...

Sam smiled as he saw Xander curled up against him in the bed. Having Xander so close felt...right, in a way nothing had since Jess had died. He studied Xander’s features as the younger hunter slept, actually half glad that the hyena had pressed the issue for them since neither of them had been willing to take that first step, despite being separated, twice, by death. Xander shifted in his arms and then sleepy brown eyes blinked open and Xander smiled at him.

“Morning.” Sam whispered, leaning closer but not actually kissing him, not sure if Xander wanted to. Xander smiled and closed the distance between them.

“Yep, the evil sun has risen.” Xander groaned once they’d parted, making Sam chuckle.
“Any idea when Dean and Uncle Bobby will be home?”

“Another day or two.” Sam answered, rolling onto his side so they were staring at each other. He reached out to trace the scars on Xander’s chest, thankful that the injuries from the hellhounds hadn’t scarred. Xander blushed slightly but let Sam do as he wanted before reaching out to trace the scars on Sam’s body.
“Can I ask you something?” Sam asked hesitantly and Xander nodded.
“Before you...died and after I did...you didn’t seem to want to be near me. Why?” Sam asked and Xander shifted uncomfortably.

“It wasn’t you Sam, well it was but... Every time I was near you I had to fight the urge to jump you. I didn’t think you’d want that so I pulled away, sorry.” Xander explained and Sam relaxed, glad that it hadn’t been his being brought back that had made Xander pull away.

“Trust me; there would have been no complaints.” Sam admitted with a grin and Xander laughed, leaning in to kiss him again.

---------------------------------
Dean watched Bobby pace, trying not to laugh at the man he saw as a second father. Okay it was the first time Bobby had left Xander since the younger man had been literally brought back to life but this constant worry was a little excessive. Xander was well on the way to getting back to hunting and he had Sam with him so they’d be fine. If everything went well that night they’d soon be on their way back to the salvage yard but obviously that wasn’t enough for the aging hunter.

“Just call them already Bobby, don’t want to have to pay for damage to the carpet because you manage to wear a hole in it.” Dean teased, tossing Bobby’s phone to him. Bobby glared briefly but gave in a dialled.

“Sam, everything okay there?” Dean grinned as Bobby greeted his brother and flopped onto his bed. He knew Sam would have everything under control.
“Well....alright. Yeah, everything’s fine here. Just checking. Should finish up tonight so we’ll be back day after tomorrow hopefully. Let Xander know....right. See ya.” Bobby hung up and Dean was happy to see the small smile on the hunter’s face.

“Told you so.” Dean muttered and then dodged the take out carton that came flying his way.
---------------------------
Sam smiled at Xander as they stumbled around each other preparing lunch. When Sam tripped on a chair and collapsed into it Xander lost it and started laughing.,

“Okay so we both suddenly have two left feet because we’ve finally gotten our acts together?” Xander finally got out and Sam blushed slightly.
“Sam...” Xander sighed and then walked over to straddle Sam on the chair.
“There’s no pressure Sam, we’ll take things as they come.” Xander whispered and Sam nodded.
“So relax.” Xander admonished, leaning in to kiss him. Sam wrapped his arms around Xander, pulling him closer and hesitantly deepening the kiss. He had to forcefully remind himself that Xander was nearly five years younger than him and had been dead for over a year so really the age gap had grown since physically Xander hadn’t aged while dead. Sam knew enough about Xander’s life to know he’d never had a true, long lasting, loving relationship like he had had with Jess so he should move slowly. All that went out the window when Xander ground his hips against Sam’s. Lunch could wait.

Xander grinned as Sam stood, managing to take his weight but Xander lowered his legs so he was standing although he left his arms wrapped around Sam as they kissed. He gently pushed Sam in the direction of the stairs and Sam took the hint, when they reached the stairs they stopped kissing and Sam pulled him upstairs only to hesitate, which room? Xander rolled his eyes and pulled Sam towards his room since he had the bigger bed. They tumbled onto it in a tangle of limbs, laughing and teasing each other’s flesh as they slowly explored with hands and mouths. Shirts and shoes were removed but nothing more as they continued their explorations. Not even the hyena was pushing them to fully mate and for that Xander was grateful.

--------------------------------
It took a second for Sam to realise what had woken him and then he was tugging Xander into his arms. Xander’s face was damp with sweat, his hair plastered to his skin as he muttered and thrashed in his sleep. He tried to sooth Xander into a deeper sleep, gently rubbing circles on his back but there was no affect.

“Xander its okay, you’re safe.” He whispered in the younger hunter’s ear.
“Come on Xander, you need to wake up.” He tried again, louder but Xander just thrashed harder.
“Xander!” Sam yelled, having to straddle Xander to try and keep him on the bed. He grabbed the fist headed for his face, pinning Xander’s hands to the bed.
“Xander!” He screamed this time and brown eyes shot open, wild and unseeing. Xander continued to fight him and Sam kept his hold as gentle as he could, trying to talk Xander back from wherever his dreams had taken him. Brown flashed green once and then slowly began to focus on Sam’s face.

“Sam?” Xander croaked out and Sam nodded, relaxing his grip on Xander and rolling off him to lie beside him, wrapping his arms around Xander’s waist.
“What happened?” Xander asked, able to feel and hear Sam’s heart racing and he burrowed into Sam’s embrace, offering comfort.

“You wouldn’t wake up, it scared me.” Sam whispered, kissing Xander’s temple gently.
“Go back to sleep if you can.” Sam told him and smiled as he felt Xander slowly drift off again. Sam spent the next several hours watching over him and waking Xander every time it seemed a nightmare was starting.
-----------------------------
Sam wrapped his arms around Xander’s waist hesitantly and Xander looked up to smile at him, letting Sam know his actions were welcome.

“What’s wrong?” Sam whispered and Xander looked down.
“Xander please, let me help.” Sam pleaded softly and Xander shuddered.

“Sam...I...” Xander trails off, unable to tell him why he had woken them both with a blood curdling scream that morning. The first night and day had been perfect but last night... last night the nightmares had come back. But how could he tell Sam how much he remembered?

“Xander those weren’t normal nightmares. I can’t help if you won’t talk to me.” Sam practically begged and Xander turned to bury his face in Sam’s shirt, wrapping his arms around Sam’s waist.
“Please.”

“Sam...”

“Whatever it is you can tell me. I just want to help.”

“I remember.” Xander whispered and Sam froze before tightening his grip on Xander. He didn’t have to ask what Xander meant; there was only one thing he could be talking about. Sam placed a gentle kiss on the top of Xander’s head, trying to convey that he was there for him. Xander shuddered slightly and Sam dropped to his knees, bring them to an equal height. He cupped Xander’s face in his hands and gently kissed his forehead, then each eyelid before moving onto his cheeks and then finally his lips. Xander let out a broken sounding sob and then collapsed into Sam’s arms. Sam knew there was nothing he could do except be there for Xander, nothing he said would make the memories go away and it was called hell for a reason.

“It’s okay Xander. I’m here if you want to talk about it, it could help. I can’t pretend to know what you went through but no matter what I’m not leaving you. I love you Xander, I lost you one, twice technically I guess, and I’m not letting you go again.” Sam soothed as he ran his fingers through the lengthening chocolate strands. Xander needed a haircut but the one time it had been offered Bobby had backed off, seeing the growing panic in Xander’s eyes. Just what had happened to Xander in hell?

“We....we weren’t tortured, not like the others. Primal spirits, merged with a human soul, kick ass even in Hell. Carved out our own little corner and defended it against everything. There were some demons that were pretty insistent though in getting us to go somewhere even the hyena was wary of. The fights just sort of blend together, but I can hear the screams in my sleep. All those tortured souls crying out for help and we couldn’t do anything.” Xander admitted softly and Sam knew he wasn’t saying everything but that was okay; he could fill in the blanks himself to a certain degree.

“There was nothing you could have done, if you’d tried to help it wouldn’t have done anything but increase the fights you went through and it’s not like you could get those souls out of hell. You did nothing wrong.” Sam assured him, looking deeply into brown eyes; he’d noticed they carried now permanent flecks of green from the hyena but it didn’t bother him, the hyena was a part of Xander, always had been even if she was more tightly bound and closer to the surface than before Xander had died.
“You did what you had to do to survive Xander and no one can judge you for that.” Sam kissed him again and then pulled Xander into the kitchen, intent on making him eat a good meal. He knew Xander sometimes forgot to eat now unless someone put food down in front of him but that was okay because Xander was never left alone. Once Xander was done eating Sam led him back upstairs where they curled up in bed together, Sam gently soothing Xander into a dreamless sleep and then laying awake to make sure Xander suffered no nightmares.

--------------------------------
Sam felt like a zombie but he hid it because he could see the guilt and shame in Xander’s eyes. Last night hadn’t been as bad as the previous one but Xander had still woken screaming a few times. Sam hated the fact that Hell still haunted Xander, he couldn’t do anything to stop it. They couldn’t try sleeping pills, they could lock Xander in the dream and he didn’t react well to them normally. They’d tried warm milk, Sam reading until Xander fell asleep and holding him though the night...nothing seemed to work. Sam let Xander get the phone when it rang, assuming it’d be Bobby saying they would be home soon.

“Buffy? Hey Slay gal, how’s Sunnydale.” Sam smiled and left the room as he heard Xander greet his old friend.


“Hey Xander.” Buffy’s greeting was subdued, making Xander frown in concern.

“What’s up? You alright?” He asked and heard Buffy sigh.

“Fine.” She answered and Xander rolled his eyes.

“Liar.”

“Look who’s talking.” Buffy shot back and they fell silent.
“Do you feel....empty? like you’re just going through the motions? Can’t connect with anyone?” She finally asked quietly and Xander closed his eyes.

“Buffy...you need to talk to someone there. I...what I feel is different, we were in very different places. For me being back is...wonderful, exciting and well...I have someone Buffy. We were dancing around it before but now...You can’t let what happened pull you down. Yeah, Earth probably isn’t as good as Heaven but you’re family’s here. Just act normal, eventually you’ll find it’s not an act anymore. Talk to Tara, she’ll listen and not judge.” Xander babbled and he found it felt right. He had Sam and Bobby and Dean...hell had no hold on him anymore. He grinned and just knew he wouldn’t be having any nightmares that night, not with Sam beside him.

“Who have you found?”

“Sam, my mate. He’s done the dead thing too though only for a day or so and he doesn’t remember anything. He stays with me no matter how bad the nightmares get. I can listen Buffy but you need someone who’s there with you.”

“Yeah...thanks Xander.”

“No problem, I’m always here for you Buffy.” They hung up and Xander went off in search of Sam. Bobby and Dean would be home soon and he had a few things he wanted to do to Sam while they still had the place to themselves.

TBC...

Disclaimer: Not mine.
Sorry for the very long wait.

Chapter 6

Sam woke up, smiling when he found Xander fast asleep on his chest. Xander had finally managed to sleep the whole night through so talking to Buffy must have helped. He wished their talk had helped more but he was juts glad Xander was finally sleeping. He placed a gentle kiss in Xander’s hair and was nuzzled in response, making him smile again. Dean had called the night before and they would be back the next day so they only had today left to themselves. Sam was going to make it the best day so far. Sleepy brown eyes stared up at him and Sam winced.

“Didn’t mean to wake you, go back to sleep Xan.” Sam whispered but Xander shook his head, moving up to kiss Sam good morning. Sam eagerly returned the kiss and then began running his fingers through Xander’s hair, making him purr softly.
“You slept the night through.” Sam commented and Xander looked up at him in surprise.

“What time is it?” Xander asked and Sam glanced at the clock.

“Seven twenty eight, that’s nine hours straight.” Sam grinned and Xander smiled.

“You slept too right?” Xander asked and Sam nodded, kissing him again. Xander cuddled in closer and Sam wrapped his arms around him, both content to just lie quietly together. They only got up when their stomachs would no longer be ignored, working quietly together in the kitchen to make breakfast. Instead of eating at the kitchen table Sam tugged him through to the living room where they curled up together on the couch to eat. Xander laughed when Sam held out some food but let him feed him.
“Sappy today?” Xander asked and Sam shrugged.

“Bobby and Dean get back tomorrow; this is our last day alone, just want to make it special.” Sam admitted and Xander lent in to kiss him.

“Thank you.” He whispered and Sam smiled, flashing dimples.

“I missed you so much Xander.” Sam admitted, pulling Xander into his arms once he’d put his plate down. Xander relaxed in his embrace, soaking up the human contact. It was funny how much he’d missed something he’d never really thought about before but in hell no touch was gentle, not that many things had managed to touch him. Xander twisted in Sam’s arms so that he was straddling him and then leant in for another kiss. Sam’s hands moved to rest on Xander’s hips as they kissed. Xander leant more of his weight on Sam, letting their groins brush and Sam gasped, staring at him in shock and Xander stoped, worried he’d gone too far.
“Xander? You sure you want…..it’s not just her wanting us to mate?” Sam asked hesitantly and Xander grinned at him.

“I want it, like you said they’ll be back tomorrow. Don’t want them around for the first time and when will we be alone again?” Xander answered and Sam nodded, pulling him in so their bodies were aligned even as he kissed Xander again, his tongue teasing Xander’s lips to deepen the kiss. Xander began moving his hips against Sam’s as they kissed, breath coming in pants. Sam broke the kiss to smile at Xander, brushing Xander’s hair off his face.

“Bed?” He offered and Xander nodded, scrambling off him and then offering Sam a hand up. They headed upstairs, still hand in hand and went in to Xander’s room, falling onto the bed together. Sam lay on his back, pulling Xander on top of him. He knew what Xander having her meant, hyenas were matriarchal but Xander wasn’t female so he wasn’t entirely sure which way Xander would want to do things. Xander smiled and rolled them so he was under Sam, lifting his hips so Sam undid his belt and helped him out of his jeans before removing his own.
“Xander how do you want to….” Sam trailed off, not sure how to say it and Xander grinned, a faint sheen of green in his eyes, showing she was very much awake.

“Depends on what you want. Mating or just fun? Mating is um…..like in nature. Fun can be anyway but that.” Xander offered and Sam paused to really think it over. Was he ready for what mating would mean to Xander? Then he smiled, yes he was. He’d already lost Xander once, he couldn’t do it again.

“Anything else involved in mating?” He asked and Xander stared up at him in awe before yanking him down to kiss.

“Not really. At least we’re not actually hyenas.” Xander said with a grin.

“Oh, why?” Sam asked and Xander flipped them over.

“Because you could lose your head if you did something I didn’t like.” Xander answered before locking his lips around one of Sam’s nipples. Sam moaned and held Xander’s head in place as he played with it before moving on to the other one. Eventually Xander began moving down Sam’s body, searching out all the spots on his body that gave him pleasure and memorising them. He finally came to Sam’s underwear and slipped his hands under the waist band, looking up for permission and Sam lifted his hips so he could remove them. Sam moaned as wet heat enveloped him. Xander was new to it but very eager to learn. Sam rested a hand in Xander’s hair but didn’t try to control his movements. Xander pulled off before Sam could reach completion, kissing his way back up his body to grin down at him as Sam tried to calm himself down.

“Tease.” He gasped out before pulling Xander down for a kiss. He flipped them again and began returning the favour.
“Got anything?” He asked and Xander blinked before nodding, reaching into the drawer beside the bed. Sam took the tube and then looked at Xander again. He smiled and nodded so Sam went to work preparing him. When he was done Xander rolled over and got nervously to all fours.
“You sure?”

“Yeah, you?” Xander answered, looking back over his shoulder. Sam leant in to kiss him before nodding.

``````````````````````````````````````````
Dean looked at Bobby who shrugged and then dropped his bag, both listening for any sign of the younger men. Hearing noise upstairs they wetn up and found Xander’s door open. Dean peeked in and then went bright red before quickly retreating, dragging Bobby back downstairs.

“Dean?”

“Shouldn’t have rushed back.” He squeaked before calming down.
“About time though.” He grinned and Bobby laughed as he realised exactly what poor Dean had seen his brother doing.

TBC….

Disclaimer: not mine.

Chapter 7

Xander bounded down the stairs, able to hear and smell that they were back. Bobby laughed when he ended up with a happy nephew attached to him. “Glad you’re back. You hurt?” Xander asked, sniffing for blood and Bobby ruffled his hair.

“We’re both fine Xander, promise. Where’s Sam?”

“Asleep.” Xander went to the fridge to grab a soda.

“Wear him out?” Dean teased and Xander froze. “Relax kid, its fine. You make him happy.” He assured the younger hunter and Xander relaxed, smiling slightly. “Though I could live with never seeing as much of my baby brother as I did earlier again.” And Xander went bright red. “So much for enhanced senses huh?”

“Guess I was uh……distracted.” Xander struggled to get his face back to normal. Dean and Bobby laughed and he growled at him, not that they felt at all threatened by him. Xander pouted and went back upstairs to curl with his mate.

```````````````````````````````
Sam sat beside the Impala, handing tools to Dean whenever he asked. Xander and Bobby were in town, figuring Xander needed to start socialising more again. Sam figured Dean wanted to talk and was just working up to it. He hoped it wasn’t to tease but since this was Dean..... “So you two had fun while we were gone?”

“Dean…..”

“What?”

“Jerk.”

“Bitch.” Dean threw back and Sam grinned. “Don’t wanna know!!” Dean yelped, seeing the grin and Sam laughed. Dean grinned; it was good to see Sam so relaxed and happy for once. “You’re happy, right?” Dean asked softly and Sam smiled.

“Yeah Dean, I am.” Sam assured him.

“Good, you deserve it.”

“So do you Dean.” Sam whispered and Dean turned away, uncomfortable. Sam sighed and took a drink from the warming can of soda beside him. Dean never believed he deserved anything more than he had. As far as Sam was concerned Dean deserved to live a happy life just as much as he did, if only Dean could see that too.

``````````````````````````````
Sam lay in Xander’s bed, curled around the slightly shorter male as they rested, not quite ready to sleep yet. Thankfully Xander’s old friend Willow had sent them a few things to make sure any noise from the bedroom wouldn’t carry to the other rooms. Seeing Xander go bright red when he opened that package had been very amusing. “Whatcha thinking about?” Xander asked quietly and Sam smiled, dropping a quick kiss on the back of his neck.

“Nothing much.” He admitted even as Xander wriggled around so they were facing each other. “Do you miss Sunnydale?”

Xander thought about it and shook his head. “I miss some of the people sure but I’d be happy to never go near the place again. Why?” Sam shrugged slightly. “This is home now.” Xander promised, shifting to lay his head over Sam’s heart, listening to the comforting, steady beat. “My mate.” He murmured and Sam smiled, running his fingers through messy brown hair.

“Your mate.” He agreed softly, looking out the open window as Xander drifted off to sleep. He was very happy to be Xander’s mate. Sam smiled as he thought about Xander and Jess if they’d ever gotten to meet. He had the feeling they would have gotten along brilliantly, probably at his expense. Thinking about Jess didn’t hurt as much anymore, time had worked its magic on helping the wound heal. Being with Xander had helped as well and now he could think of her and their time together without the constant ache. Xander huffed and nuzzled at him in his sleep and Sam smiled, closing his eyes to sleep as well.

TBC…
Short but at least it’s something.