Blackmail Is Such A Dirty Word by Lady FoxFire

Xander/StarGate SG-1 - After a rough day battling false Gods Colonel O'Neill returns home to find someone waiting for him and this person knows everything about him including things his teammates don't know and Jack really wished they never learn about.

Categories: Buffy/Angel Crossovers > SG1/SGA/SGU Characters: None
Genres: Action/Adventure, Mystery/Thriller
Warnings: None
Challenges: None
Series: Blackmail Is Such A Dirty Word
Chapters: 5 Completed: Yes Word count: 10709 Read: 100031 Published: 2009.09.27 Updated: 2009.10.11
Story Notes:

Setting: Buffy - post Graduation Day/ Stargate SG-1 - beginning of Season 3


1. Blackmail Is Such A Dirty Word - ch 1/5 by Lady FoxFire

2. Blackmail Is Such A Dirty Word - ch 2/5 by Lady FoxFire

3. Blackmail Is Such A Dirty Word - ch 3/5 by Lady FoxFire

4. Blackmail Is Such A Dirty Word - ch 4/5 by Lady FoxFire

5. Blackmail Is Such A Dirty Word - ch 5/5 by Lady FoxFire

Blackmail Is Such A Dirty Word - ch 1/5 by Lady FoxFire
Author's Notes:

My Muse like to write unusual twists into her work so if Xander appears to be out of character in this fic or you're thinking that 'he would never' I simply ask to wait until as see what she has planned.

Balancing a pizza box in the palm of his hand while keeping a cold 6-pack wedged between his arm and torso, Colonel Jack O’Neill pushed the opened door shut with one foot. Setting the beer and pizza down on the kitchen counter, Jack dropped the keys next to the pizza box before shedding his lightweight coat and dropped in a chair.

After putting the beer in the refrigerator, minus one bottle, Jack grabbed the pizza box and walked into the living room. Hitting the light switch with his elbow, Jack came to a halt as he stared at the stranger sitting in his favorite chair.

"You’re late," the young man said, his brown eyes sparkling with mischief as he kept his hands in plain sight. "I expected you here an hour ago."

"Sorry to disappoint you," Jack replied cautiously as he set the pizza and beer on the coffee table, his eyes never straying from the young man. "You do know that breaking and entering is against the law?"

"There was no breaking and entering, just entering," the young man stated with a smirk. "You know you really need to hide your spare key someplace else. Although I will admit hiding it inside a downspout is a unique idea."

"I’ll keep that in mind," Jack growled softly. "Now who are you and what are you doing here?"

"Well for who I am, my name is Alexander Harris," the young man tossed some papers on the coffee table along with his driver license, "but all my friends call me Xander."

"So what are you doing here, Mr. Harris?" Jack asked, glancing down briefly at the California drivers' license before fixing his eyes once again on the intruder.

"Please call me Xander," the young man said with a grimace. "Every time I hear Mr. Harris I start looking for a mean drunk who just happens to be my dad."

Jack narrowed his eyes at Xander. "As you said your friends call you Xander."

"I can see us being friends, Jack," Xander said as he leaned forward and opened up the pizza box. Stealing a slice, Xander sat back into the chair. "After all I know a lot about you."

Jack raised an eyebrow at Xander. "Oh, really." He crossed his arms over his chest.

"Yep," Xander said around a mouthful of pizza. "I know how in sixth grade you would dare girls who were wearing dresses that day to hang upside down from the monkey bars so you could see their underwear. And how you mom paddled you when she found out what you were doing before turning on your dad for encouraging you."

Jack’s eyes widened slightly as Xander told him something that not too many people knew about.

"And then there was the time you made to third base with Rose Morris under the bleachers while at the football game. I don’t know if you were brave or incredibly stupid to do that there; especially with her overprotective brother who was the star quarterback of the team in front of said bleachers."

"I was a teenager and Rose was very sweet," Jack replied as he sat down and grabbed a slice of pizza. "So how is Rose doing? Last I heard she was married with four kids."

Xander shrugged his shoulders. "No clue, never met the woman."

Jack paused for a moment as he thought about what the young man said. "Is that so," Jack finally said around his mouthful of pizza to which Xander simply nodded his head. "So what else do you know, since you seem to know all about me?"

"Well," Xander mumbled as he wiped his greasy fingers off on his jeans, "I know about the Stargate and how Daniel figured out symbols and stuff. How you traveled through the Stargate and ended up on the planet Abydos and learned about the Gou’alds' and their overblown egos. I also know how you met Teal'c and were able to convince him to join you. Of course I know about the other races beside the Gou’alds and the Jaffa; I mean it's kind of hard to forget meeting a Roswell Grey. I mean when you say Thor you kind of picture someone like Arnold Schwarzenegger not a 4 foot tall big eyes grey alien."

Jack leaned back in his seat. "You watch too much sci-fi, kid," he replied with a chuckle.

Xander shrugged his shoulders as he leaned forward and stole another slice of pizza. "Maybe. But I also know about your black op missions. I know about the mission in East Germany where Thomas ended up with food poisoning and the team almost had to scrub the whole mission until you lucked out and were able to finish the job. Never thought about how deadly a fork can be."

Jack sat unmoving as Xander told him of the mission.

"Or how you made sure that Potter got the short straw when it came to escorting the General Thompson's wife to the officer's ball when you just happened to be called away," Xander said. "Not that I blame you, Mrs. Thompson was a bit of an octopus and Potter was a grade A ass kisser."

Jack shrugged his shoulders, refusing to commit on anything Xander had said.

"Oh and there was the time you stole… I mean borrowed the car from… Beanie, Benny, Benji… that the weasel-like guy in Budapest. You know I think he was more pissed at you for borrowing his car than for stealing Rebeka. That was right before you meet Sarah, wasn't it?" Xander said. "I wonder if Benny got his car back or if he really wanted it back after the state you left it in."

"You really have a great imagination, kid. You ever think of writing a book?" Jack said with a smirk. "I'm sure that you could write a best seller."

Xander's smile seemed to match Jack's. "You're right but what would it be classified as? Fiction or non-fiction."

"Fiction, of course," Jack replied.

Xander nodded his head. "I always figured that my life story would be considered to be a horror story."

Jack snorted. "I doubt that, kid. You don't look old enough to have your life be a horror story. And not having a girl to take to the prom isn't considered to be a horror."

Xander chucked. "I don't think many would agree with you once they met Anya. Now there was one scary girl!"

"I've met some scary women in my life, kid. I doubt your girlfriend would measure up," Jack snarled.

Xander chuckled. "I'll let you keep your delusions, Jack. I mean we wouldn't want some of the women you ran into learn they're second rate amateurs."

Jack shrugged his shoulders as he dismissed Xander's words. "So, kid, why did you break into my home? I kind of doubt it just to tell me these wild tales of missions and aliens," Jack said. "I mean even if they were true, no one will believe them. Come on kid… space aliens?"

A smile appears on Xander's face. "You're right about that. No one would believe any of it without proof. I mean a person would have to be able to list dates and time, names of people, targets. I mean even if the general public doesn't believe it, I'm sure some other governments will. Can't image them reacting to well to some of the stuff."

The muscles in Jack's jaw clenched tight as he stared at the kid. "You do realized that blackmail is a criminal offence," Jack stated with a growl. "I doubt you would enjoy spending time in jail kid."

"Whoever said anything about blackmail, Jack?" Xander gave him a smug smile that said he held all the cards in this high stake game. "All I've done was to tell you some tales. I haven't asked for a thing."

"So what do you want?" Jack snarled angrily, knowing that the kid won this round.

Xander stood up. "Now Jack, if I asked for something that would be blackmail. But I'm sure you can figure out something to give me in a couple days if you put your mind to it," Xander stated before starting for the door.

Jack stood up and stepped into Xander's path. "What makes you think I'll allow you to leave?"

"Probably the fact that if I don't contact some people very shortly then all the info I've gathered about you will go to all the news agencies round the world. Of course copies of the files will also be delivered to some governments who might decide that they don't like you very much," Xander replied calmly.

Xander stepped around Jack and said "I'll see you in three days, Colonel." And with that Xander walked out of the house, closing the door softly behind him.

Jack breathed slowly through his nose as he attempted to calm himself. After a few minutes he walked over and picked up the phone. "Sir, we have a situation."

Blackmail Is Such A Dirty Word - ch 2/5 by Lady FoxFire
Author's Notes:

Ok, I will admit this isn't much of a chapter. The big thing in this chapter is the introduction of a new character and some clues on what to come. Sorry but basically it's a filler chapter.

That night everyone at SGC who able to was busy trying to discover who Xander Harris was, his past, where he was currently and how he gained his knowledge about Colonel O'Neill and the StarGate.

Twelve hours had passed since Jack O'Neill found an intruder in his house when General Hammond called for a meeting.

"What do we have?" General Hammond demanded as he walked into the briefing room. His anger over the situation was visible to anyone who knew the man.

"Not much, sir," Carter replied as she typed on the keyboard. The picture that appeared on the screen looked like it had been taken from a high school yearbook. "Alexander LaVelle Harris."

"LaVelle?" Jack said with a slight snicker.

Carter barely spared the Colonel a look before continuing on. "Alexander LaVelle Harris of Sunnydale California. Age 17. Parents are Anthony and Jessica Harris. The father is a plant worker and mother is a cashier. He recently graduated high school with a C-average. However when an IQ was done on him, he ranked at near genius level. There is some suspected criminal and gang activity but no concrete evidence. No military or intelligence connections."

"Sunnydale," Daniel said thoughtfully. "Where have I heard that before?"

Carter tapped a few keys and a news article that was dated only a few weeks ago replaced the picture of Harris. The article was about a gas explosion that occurred during the graduation ceremony in the town of Sunnydale.

"The local ATF has reported that it was caused by a natural gas leak combined with an undiscovered methane leak from the sewers," Carter stated. "You probably read it in the paper or saw it on the news, Daniel."

"The local ATF must be really good to have filed a report on the explosion so quickly," Jack commented as he studied the article on the screen. "Or they were told what to say."

Hammond nodded his head as he too studied the image on the screen. "But is it connected? And what is more important is how did Harris learn about SGC and the Colonel's past?"

"I might have an answer to some of that, sir," Carter replied as she typed on the keyboard. "Willow Rosenburg, know associate to Mr. Harris. The FBI suspect that Ms Rosenburg is a hacker who goes by the name of Red_tree however they haven't been able to confirm this. What we do know is that Red_tree has hacked a number of private and government computer systems, including the Pentagon."

"And you suspect that girl is the source of Mr. Harris's information?" Hammond asked.

"That one possibility, sir," Carter answered. "At least for some of the information Harris has about the Colonel's past but not for all of it."

"It wouldn't be hard to find out about my childhood. I'm sure it wouldn't be hard to find someone who wouldn't love to tell stories about how I was growing up," Jack supplied. "The fact that the kid had information about SGC concerns me more."

However before anyone could comment there was a knock on the door before it opened and an Airman entered the room. Saluting the General the Airman said, "Sir, there is a Colonel Pierce at the front gate asking to see you, sir. He said to tell you it's concerning Xander Harris, sir."

Hammond and O'Neill looked at each other for a moment. "Have him shown to my office, Airman."

"Sir. Yes, sir," the Airman replied with a salute before exiting the room.

"I think we should meet with Colonel Pierce and find our what he know about our Mr. Harris, don't you Colonel," Hammond rose from his chair.

"Couldn't agree with you more, sir."




After knocking on the door Sgt. Walter Davis stepped into the room, "Sir, Colonel Pierce is here to see you," he said.

"Send him in," Hammond said briskly.

"Yes, sir," Davis replied as he turned to face the Colonel. "The General will see you now, Colonel."

"Thank you, Sergeant," replied a man with a deep voice.

Davis stepped aside as the man with silver eagle insignias on his Marine uniform entered General Hammond's office and snapped off a salute. Davis closed the door.

"Colonel Pierce," Hammond said as he returned the salute. "Have a seat, Colonel. Allow me to introduce you to Colonel Jack O'Neill, second in command."

"Colonel," Pierce said with a nod of his head as he sat down.

"So what brings you to my base, Colonel Pierce?" Hammond asked, his Texan drawl thicker than normal as he portrayed more of his 'good old boy' personality.

"Someone on your base has been making inquires about one Alexander Harris," Pierce stated. "And I was sent here to find out why."

"So they sent you out here?" Jack asked. "Wouldn't a phone call be faster?"

"When those in charge says jump, you don't ask why, just how high," Pierce replied with a chuckle.

"Colonel Pierce, I find it very interesting that within twelve hours of someone on my base starting a background check on Mr. Harris, I have a Marine Corp Colonel at my door," Hammond stated. "It makes one wonder what exactly makes Mr. Harris so interesting to the Marines."

Pierce took a breath and slowly exhaled. "Sir, do you know who is looking into Mr. Harris and reasons behind it?"

Hammond nodded his head. "I do, Colonel and you haven't answered my question."

Pierce doesn’t respond immediately. "While I'm not permitted to go into details…" he said as he carefully choose his words, "I can say that Harris has… become involved with a matter that… has it's roots in our fight against the Third Reich during World War 2."

Both General Hammond and Colonel O'Neill were stunned at the unexpected answer.

"The kid is involved with Nazis?" Jack’s voice betrayed his confusion and disgust.

"Colonel Pierce," General Hammond said, "Would I be correct in assuming this matter has to deal with explosion at Harris' high school and why the ATF agents are claiming it was a gas explosion and why Harris is trying to blackmail one of my men."

Pierce blinked a couple of times. "Excuse me. Could you repeat that last bit, sir?"

"Which part?" Jack asked. "The gas explosion that never was or that the kid is trying to blackmail me."

"The blackmail," Pierce replied. "Sir, are we talking about the same Xander Harris?"

Hammond opened up a folder that was on his desk and handed Pierce a photo.

Pierce looked at the photo before handing it back. "And he's trying to blackmail you. May I ask with what?"

"With information about Colonel O'Neill past including his former and present military duties," Hammond answered. "Now what exactly is Harris involved in?"

"I'm sorry sir but I'm not at liberty to tell you," Pierce replied.

"Son, you do realize I could pick up this phone and have the President order you to tell me," Hammond threatened.

"There is no need for that, sir," Pierce answered. "I know exactly what the President would say on this matter."

"And how do you know that?" O'Neill asked.

"Because before I arrived here I was ordered by the President not to divulge any information about the matter unless directed to by the Knight," Pierce answered.

"And who is the Knight, Colonel or are you not at liberty to say," Hammond growled.

"That's correct, sir," Pierce replied with a grimace. "Unfortunately the Knight vanished about three weeks ago from Sunnydale. Harris's appearance may be our first chance to locate him."

Blackmail Is Such A Dirty Word - ch 3/5 by Lady FoxFire
Author's Notes:

OK, when I started this chapter I gave my Muse free range to do whatever she wanted and this is the result. And if I tried to edit it or refine it she more or less b*tch slapped me and told me to leave it alone. So this chapter is a bit… different than my usual stuff.

It was a sudden bang that woke Jack from his sound sleep. Keeping his eyes closed and his breathing slow as if to fake sleep, Jack listened for more noises as his hand slipped under his pillow for the gun hidden there. After a few minutes with only the muffled sounds from the kitchen region, Jack slipped out of bed, his gun in his hand.

Dressed only in boxers, Jack moved silently through his home towards the source of the sound. With moves that the military has drilled into him years ago, Jack looked around the corner of the kitchen before entering it. "Don't move," he snarled as he pointed his gun at the back of the head of the intruder.

The intruder froze in place. "If you didn't want an omelet, Jack, you just had to say so," he replied.

"Harris," Jack snarled as he recognized the voice.

Xander turned his head so that he could look over his shoulder at Jack. "You still don't want to be my friend?"

"I'm not friends with blackmailers," Jack stated. "How did you get in here?"

"Do you mean how did I get in here through the locked doors; locks that you have recently changed by the way and haven't hidden the spare for yet. Or how did I get in here past the Marx Brothers who are watching the house?" Xander asked. "So where Teal'c? I'm surprised he's not here."

"Don't know who you're talking about," Jack commented with a smirk.

"You know big bald black guy with a gold tattoo on his head," Xander commented. "I wonder how much that had to hurt."

"So what are you doing here?" Jack asked as he flicked the safety to the on position.

"Well I was looking for the green onions for the omelets but I couldn't find any," Xander said as he turned around. "How about mushrooms?"

"There's a can of them in the cabinet by the sink," Jack growled before turning around and walking back to his bedroom where the rest of his clothes and a phone were.

"Ask Lou if he wants mushrooms in his omelet too," Xander called out.

It was roughly ten minutes later when Major Lou Ferretti entered the O'Neill residence to find Jack glaring at a young man who was busy cooking something on the stove.

"Morning Lou," the young man called out. "You want Swiss or Cheddar for your omelet?"

"Cheddar," Lou glanced over at Jack who was wearing a look that promised pain for those it was directed at.

"I seem to have gotten Jack up on the wrong side of the bed," the young man commented. "I'm Xander by the way; the current source of Hammond's Tums eating addiction."

Lou snorted. "So you're the blackmailer," he said in a tone that said he was less than impressed with what he saw.

Xander fixed Lou with his own version of Jack's glare. "Why does everyone insist I'm a blackmailer?" he asked. "A blackmailer is someone who demand things from someone so that information the blackmailer has is not be made public. And since I haven't demanded anything I can't be called a blackmailer."

"So what do you consider yourself to be?" Lou asked with a smirk.

"Well I always wanted to be Batman," Xander replied as slipped the omelet from the skillet onto a plate. Thrusting the plate at Jack, Xander said, "Here. Eat."

With a soft growl, Jack took the plate.

With a shake of his head Xander turned back to the mixing bowl. "Want mushrooms in your omelet, Lou?"

"Sure. Why not," Lou replied as he sat down next to Jack so they could watch Xander.

As Xander cracked the eggs against the bowl rim, he asked, "So Lou, how're Carol and the girls?"




General Hammond raised an eyebrow when he saw Jack and Lou scowling faces and the smug face of his latest headache, Alexander 'Xander' Harris.

"Mr. Harris, I presume," Hammond said in a less than pleased tone.

"Xander please, General," Xander said with a nod of his head. "Mr. Harris is a mean drunk that just happens to be my father."

Before Hammond could reply Colonel Pierce thrust a glass of water at Harris.

Harris looked at the glass, then at Pierce and then back at the glass. With a dramatic sigh Harris took the glass and drank half of the glass before pouring the rest of it over of his head. Handing the glass back he said, "Satisfied?"

Pierce nodded. "Good to see you again, Knight," he said with a grin.

A scowl appeared on Xander's face. "Good to be seen again, Velma."

Pierce smile disappeared. "Alexander."

"Jethro," Xander countered.

With a much put upon sigh, Pierce said, "Xander."

Xander's face broke out with a grin, "JD."

"Colonel Pierce," Hammond snapped, "I think it's about time you tell us exactly what is going on."

Pierce glanced grimly at Xander before saying, "To be honest, sir, that’s exactly what I want to know too. The last thing I knew was that Xander vanished after the explosion and this is the first time anyone seen him since."

"You mean the gas explosion that never was," Jack growled.

Xander smiled proudly as he took a seat at the conference room table, "That was some of my best work."

The members of SGC looked at the young man in shock as General Hammond said, "Son, are you telling me that you blew up your school."

"Isn't that the dream of every kid?" Xander replied. "Besides it was necessary."

"Necessary?" Hammond said in outrage. "Do you know how many people died due to your prank?"

Xander shrugged his shoulders before looking over at Pierce.

Pierce shrugged his shoulders in return. "As far as we can tell, none. Some injuries but nothing serious."

Hammond eyes narrowed as he stared at the two men before him. "There were 14 confirmed deaths that day."

"That few? I'm impressed," Xander said before turning his attention back to Pierce. "So how are the Scrappies?"

"Besides hating that name and worrying about what to do if you suddenly show up one night, they're doing pretty well," Pierce replied. "They say things have slowed down."

"Ahhh got you love summer in Sunnyhell," Xander said fondly before turning back to General Hammond. "General I know you're concerned about those deaths but you have to believe me if we hadn't blown the school more people would have died… a lot more."

"Mr. Harris, I have absolutely no reason to trust you," Hammond growled as he glared at the young man. "Three days ago you approached one of my men in order to blackmail him. And not five minutes ago you admitted to blowing up a high school, an action that lead to the death of 14 people. So tell me Mr. Harris what reason do I have to trust you?"

Xander let out a sigh of frustration. "Would it help if I told you that I wasn't blackmailing anyone? That I don't have any evidence hidden with anyone just waiting for it to sent out."

Hammond blinked in confusion at Xander's declaration. "Then why did you contact Colonel O'Neill?" he demanded.

"So he," Xander point at Colonel Pierce, "would come out of whatever hole he hides in and investigate."

"And you couldn't contact me or one of the Scrappies, why?" Pierce glared at the younger man.

"Well it could be the fact I was in hospital after having the shit beaten out of me. Or it could be that I had less than forty-eight hours to get out of Sunnydale before Buffy made my ribcage into a new hat. Of course I'm sure that Willow would be helping her do so while making sure that my death was as long and as painful as possible," Xander said as he named off the reasons. "Or it could be I sent all the information I had off with Mrs. S when we sent her out of town before graduation and she hasn't returned yet. She's under orders to hand it over to Giles in the event of my death. And if both Giles and I were dead," an evil grin appeared on Xander's face, "you would be dealing with her."

Pierce crossed his arms over his chest. "Then it's a good thing that neither you or Giles are dead. So what happened with the Blond Necrophilic and the Red Nightmare to get them pissed off at you?"

Xander shrugged his shoulders. "They found out about the Lie."

Everyone looked at Xander, waiting for him to continue before Pierce groaned, "Oh shit! They found out about that!"

"You know while this all might very informative for the two of you, it does nothing for the rest of us," Jack commented. "I'm sure the rest of us have some questions. I in particular have questions about how you knew about my past."

"Or how you knew about my wife and girls," Lou growled as he stared at Xander with a promise of pain.

"Halloween, 1997," Xander answered with a smirk. "In a way you really have to say all of this was really the Troll's fault."

"What does that have to do with anything!" Lou demanded.

Xander just smirked as he nodded his head towards Colonel Pierce who has sitting there his eyes closed, his burrow furrowed.

"What did you go as, Xander?" Pierce asked cautiously as he opened his eyes with dread.

"I was the King of the $2 costume," Xander replied. "I had a set of fatigues and a pair of slightly used boots that had been for sale at the airport’s lost luggage sale. They ever had the guy's name in on the tongue. Can you guess what the name was?"


"And you got it in one guess," Xander replied smugly.

To say what happened next was a surprise to almost everyone except Xander would be an understatement.

"What the fucking hell were you thinking!" Pierce exclaimed. "Do you know what could have happened? How dangerous and stupid that was?"

"Oh I don't know, maybe something like saving lives," Xander snapped back. "It's not like I was a squad of Marines traipsing through the street going 'I'm hunting for wabbits.'"

"We weren't that bad," Pierce shouted as the members of SGC watched in silence.

"No. You were worse!" Xander snapped. "At least Elmer had something he could kill a rabbit with!"

Pierce seemed to bite back on his anger. "We would have been fine," he growled.

"You would have been dead and so would've your men," Xander replied calmly. "And that was one thing we didn't need in that town and you know it JD. Now I knew the risk I was running when I stayed there but what choice did I have?"

"And what of me and my men?" Pierce suggested.


Pierce snorted. "Don't you mean midnight snack?"

"Well if you got up at dusk, lunch would be around midnight," Xander replied.

"While another gentleman might find all of this as amusing as I'm sure you do, none of this is telling me what the hell is going on," Hammond snapped. "You," he pointed at Xander, "Colonel Pierce told me you were the only one who could tell me what's going on. I suggest you start talking."

Xander looked at Hammond in confusion before turning to Pierce. "I am?"

"President's order, Knight. He was of the opinion that you created the mess, you get to clean it up," Pierce explain. "As long as you still have a pulse that is."

"Right," Xander grumbled softly to himself. Turning to Hammond he asked in an almost begging tone, "Are you sure you want to know? I mean really sure."

Hammond glared at Xander.

"Right, you're sure," Xander replied. "Just remember it's not my fault if you end up have nightmares, end up in therapy or wearing one of those nice jackets that tie in the back. Then again considering the stuff you're used to you might already have one of those nice jackets or at least a Tums addiction"

Xander glance once more at the General in the hopes he would change his mind but see the determined look on his face, Xander sighed wearily. "You know growing up as a kid all those things you were scared of; vampires, mummies, the thing under the bed… well they all exist and my hometown is Disney World to them."

Those at the table looked at Xander in disbelief before looking at Colonel Pierce for an explanation. "He's telling the truth," he said. "They all exist except for…"

"Leprechauns," Xander supplied the answer.

"Right, expect for Leprechauns," Pierce said.

General Hammond looked at each man in turned before picking up the phone that was sitting next to him. "Dr Fraiser, could you please come up here," Hammond ordered politely.

"Ah the Napoleon of Needles. She Who Needs Not be Named," Xander said as he listed of some of Colonel O'Neill's more popular name for the good doctor. "The Welder of the Penlight of Doom."

Pierce shook his head.

"Well she is," Xander said seeing Pierce's reaction. "She's like one of those scary women who dress up in black leather with whips and stuff just so they can order guys to lick their boots clean but with needles and stuff."

"Dominatrix," Major Ferretti chimed in with the correct term.

"She's single?" Pierce asked.

Xander nodded his head while Jack slowly shook his head. "Colonel while I don't doubt you sanity… ok I am doubting it when it comes to the vampires and stuff, you really don't want to get involved with Dr Fraiser."

"And why wouldn't he, Colonel O'Neill," a voice said from next to the door.

Xander turned in his chair so he could see the red hair doctor. "Because you're the Dominatrix of Needles," he said in the most charming of voices.

"Oh is that so," Fraiser said in a tone that promised humiliation and pain like a true Dominatrix as she glared at Jack.

"I didn't say that," Jack quickly said in his defense. "He did," as he pointed at Xander.

"Aha. What else did the good Colonel say?" Dr Fraiser said as she glared at O'Neill.

"Well that no matter how much he like to pull your chain by calling you the Welder of the Penlight of Doom or Lady Of Cold Hands, he does truly value what you do here and how often you saved his worthless ass and that of his team after doing something incredibly stupid but necessary," Xander said innocently.

Fraiser looked at the young man and then at Colonel who was staring at the kid in shock. "He said all of that?"

"Well he didn't say it but he does believe it." Xander explained.

Fraiser crossed her arms over her chest. "Really. And how do you know that?"

"I dressed up as Jack for Halloween when I was a sophomore," Xander replied.

"And that is why you were asked to come here, Doctor," General Hammond said as he rubbed his forehead as if to easy a headache. "Colonel Pierce and Mr. Harris are both claiming that vampires and such creatures exist. I would like you to run a full work up on both of them."

Fraiser narrowed her eyes at the two strangers on the base. "Harris?"

Xander nodded his head. "Xander Harris of Sunnydale California."

Fraiser took a step back as she stared at Xander in horror.

Xander and Pierce glance at each other before Xander said, "If it helps I still have a pulse."

"And he past the Holy Water test," Pierce added in.

"But you're a child!" Fraiser exclaimed.

Xander shrugged his shoulders. "Not like anyone else was going to do anything."

"Dr Fraiser," Hammond said, his concern was very much evidence in his voice. "Do you know something of this matter?"

Fraiser glanced over the General then back at Xander. "Yes, sir," she replied softly.

"Witch or Potential?" Xander interrupted before the General could say something else.

A look of disdain came to Dr. Fraiser's face as she looked down at Xander. "My grandma is a Traiteur," she stated with pride.

"Traiteur?" Jack said as he looked back and forth between the kid and the doctor.

"It's a Cajun healer," Xander explained. "One part modern medicine, one part herbal healers, one part shrink and one part busy body."

Fraiser crossed her arms over her chest. "I don’t think Nana would be happy being called a busy body."

"Well I doubt she would like being called the grand master of a spy ring," Xander suggested. "And a pretty good one judging how you reacted. So was it my name or the town?"

"Both," Fraiser admitted.

"Dr Fraiser perhaps you'd care to enlighten the rest of us," General Hammond growled softly as he nodded to an empty chair. "Starting with how you know this young man."

"Yes, sir," Dr Fraiser said as she sat down. "To be exact I don't know Mr. Harris exactly. It more that I know of him through my grandmother, sir."

"And how does your grandma know our friendly neighbor blackmailer?" Colonel O'Neill said.

"I'm a bit curious about that myself," Pierce admitted as he eyes the red haired doctor.

"JD, did you ever think that you're the late comer to the party? And that all the cool kids had been there for hours?" Xander said with a smirk.

"You mean like the stuffed shirts?" Pierce asked.

"One example and not a very good one at that," Xander replied. "They don’t know how to play well with others."

Hammond pinched the bridge of his nose. "While this might be very enlightening to some of you, it is not getting my questions answered. Dr Fraiser, Mr. Harris and Colonel Pierce have alleged that vampires and other such creatures exist. What exactly do you know about this matter?"

Janet Fraiser looked down at her clasped hands. Taking a deep breath she raised her eyes and looked directly at the General she said, "They do exist."

"Oh for crying out loud!" Jack explained. "Next you'll be telling me that Big Foots are really Wookies!"

"It's the other way around, Jack," Xander said. "The actor who played Chewbacca was a Big Foot. Most of the aliens in Lucas's movies are demons of one breed or another."

"You," Jack said as he pointed at Xander. "No more talking. Every time you say something my head hurts."

"Welcome to my world," Pierce mumbled softly as Xander pretended to zip his mouth shut.

"Dr Fraiser, please continue," Hammond said as he shot his second in command a look.

"When I was a little girl, sometimes when I was visit my Nana's clinic one of the Others would visit her looking for help or to pay their bill," Fraiser explained.

"By Others I'm assuming you mean vampires," Hammond said.

"No, Sir," she replied with a shake of her head. "Vampires are more like intelligent animals that just happens to look and act like humans before they kill you. The Others are normally neutral demon races, some of which can pass as human."

"Hold on! Are we talking about demon like from the Bible, that type of demon?" Ferretti asked as he eyes the good doctor.

Fraiser shook her head. "They're more like refugees or immigrants than some force of evil at least the ones I've met. I've suspected that some of them are alien in origin or result of a Gou'alds' experiments."

General Hammond took a deep breath and slowly exhaled before asking, "Doctor, are there any of these beings on my base."

"Under the patient/physician confidentiality, I cannot tell you, sir but I can say that I feel that every person on this base is loyal to the Earth and >all of it's citizens," Fraiser stated.

Hammond nodded his head as he accepted Fraiser's reassurance. "And what can you tell us about Mr. Harris, Doctor?"

Fraiser looked over at the young man in question. "If rumors are accurate, he is the White Knight of Sunnydale. The only mortal to ever face down the master vampire Angelus and survive."

"Angelus?" Hammond asked as he looked at Xander and Colonel Pierce.

"Think Bram Stoker's Dracula and them make him mean… sick, twisted and perverted," Xander replied

"Bad guy, huh," Jack said.

"One a scale of 1 to 10, with Angelus being a 10. Apophis would rate… a 7," Xander replied. "And that’s only because I’m giving him points for being the big bad of the Goa'ulds."

"Can't imagine Apophis being too happy at rating so poor against a vampire," Jack commented to himself

"So you're this big bad vampire hunter then," Lou said as he eyed the young man in front of him.

Xander snorted. "Hardly. I'm the Zeppo. I also answer to the donut boy, a nummy treat and the oh so affectionate term of bait."

"And the one everyone turns to when they need someone to save their ass," Pierce spoke up.

"Yeah… Well… How quickly they forget," Xander replied bitterly.

By this time General Hammond had pulled out the bottle of Tylenol he always carried with him when SG-1 was on the base and swallowed two of the small pills. "Son, in the simplest terms could you please explain how you know so much about Colonel O'Neill."

Xander opened his mouth then shut it. Opened and then shut it once again. Finally he said, "I had a pair of Jack's old boots, a set of fatigues and a toy gun which was the trigger for a spell done by a chaos mage name Ethan Rayne."

At the sharp hiss from Dr Fraiser, Xander said to her, "You've heard of him?"

Fraiser nodded her head. "And if I ever meet the bastard again, I'm going to find out if it hurts more to be zat in the balls or not."

Every man at the table squirmed at the thought. "So not a good guy?" Jack asked.

"He rates about 3, 3.5. Not a good guy but not evil either. He like some who keeps asking 'Are we there yet' until the driver snaps," Xander explained.

"In other words he's like Jack," Lou chimed in with a smug look.

"No. Jack rates at least a 5… maybe a 5.5," Xander replied.

"I'm evil?" Jack said in disbelief.

"Ever play D&D?" Xander asked.

Jack shrugged his shoulder. "It's been explained to me."

"OK, so in D&D you would be considered a Chaotic Good," Xander explains. "However because of your work in SGC you could also be considered a Chaotic Evil."

"OK kid explain how Jack can be Good… and Evil," Lou asked what was on everyone's mind.

"How many governments has Jack helped overthrow? How many Gou'alds has he destroyed thereby destroying someone's religious beliefs?" Xander explained. "How many time have his actions led to the death of someone or the start of some war?"

"Hey! We help free people from the Gou'alds!" Jack exclaimed.

"Did they ask for it?" Xander replied. "If you gave someone CPR and they survive but end up being permanently mentally disabled, did you do a good thing by saving them or a bad thing by forcing them to live as less than they were?"

"You do what you can and hope for the best," Hammond said softly.

"Exactly," Xander replied. "And that why Jack's rated a 5. Because no matter what you do or you don't do someone will see you as an evil person."

"Damned if you do; damned if you don't," Dr Fraiser said to herself.

General Hammond sighed wearily. "We seem to be off track," he announced. "Mr. Harris…"

"Xander please, sir," Xander interrupted.

"Xander correct me if I'm wrong but are you saying that one year you dressed up as a soldier for Halloween and magically you gained all Colonel O'Neill's memories?" Hammond said.

"That’s correct, sir," Xander replied.

"You then used that knowledge to battle creatures that exist in your hometown," Hammond stated, "and to destroy your high school."

"I had been fighting vampires and other demons before then, sir. What I gained from Halloween just meant that I could survive longer," Xander explained. "And the only reason we blew up the high school was to destroy the demon our town mayor turned into since we didn't have a volcano handy."

"Your mayor was a demon?" Hammond said with dread in his voice.

"You didn't have a volcano handy?" Jack said in disbelief

Xander shook his head. "No he started out as human but a number of dark rituals, some sacrifices and a 100 years later he became a 70 foot long Olvikan demon. Think really big snake with teeth. Last time someone had to face one of these demons, the only reason it was destroyed was because of an eruption."

Hammond nodded his head slowly at that thought. "So after destroying this demon you came to Colorado Spring to visit the Colonel."

Xander hesitated before answering, "More or less."

General Hammond stared at Xander, waiting for the boy to squirm in his chair and answered the question fully.

Xander sat patiently waiting for Hammond to go on.

Pierce chuckled softly as he noticed that Hammond was trying to intimidate Xander into talking. "Xander's stubborn enough to out wait God himself… actually we're pretty sure he's done that to one god already but we don't know which one."

Xander shook his head. "No. Don't think I've faced off against a god yet, just a Primal Spirit. And she was the one in control but willing to listen to reason."

Hammond sighed wearily as he pinched the bridge of his nose. "Son," he said softly. "Could you please tell us more about what you did between the time your school exploded and meeting with Colonel O'Neill."

"Sure," Xander said happily. "All you had to do was ask. Well after we defeated the bad guys, somehow the girls learned about the Lie and they didn't react well."

"The Lie?" O'Neill said.

Xander sighed. "It was a command decision. The love of a teenage girl or 6 billion lives. They disagreed with my choice."

"The good of the many outweigh the good of the one," Jack said.

Xander snorted. "Unless you're a teenage girl then it's screw everyone else and give me what I want."

Xander poured himself a glass of water from the pitcher on the table. Taking a drink, he continued on, "So after waking up in the hospital about 24 hrs later, I find out I only have 48 hours in which to get out of town or else. Of course the 48 hours started when they found out about the Lie, so I grabbed what I could and ran."

"From two teenage girls," Ferretti snorted.

"Two teenage girls who would happy cut out my heart with a spoons while talking about the cute new shoes they found at the mall," Xander replied.

"See what you have to look forward to," Jack commented as he teased Lou about his little girls.

"They'll use a rusty knife," Lou replied.

"I hear railroad spikes work well when it comes to torturing people," Xander added in.

"Speaking of Spike I heard that he's in Brazil trying to win Dru back," Pierce commented.

"I wish… good luck to him," Xander said before pausing. "You know I just realized how incredible fucked up my life is."

"And for that reason, it's probably best that no one asks any questions anything you just said," O'Neill said.

"Trying experiencing it," Pierce commented. "After a bit a round of kitty poker over pizza seems like a typical Saturday night."

"Shit!" Xander growled. "I forgot I that Steve owed me 3 tabbies."

"Steve?" Pierce asked.

"Blue demon with the horns," Xander replied, "picks his ear when he has a good hand."

"And what is kitty poker?" Hammond asked with dread in his voice.

"Poker played for kittens instead of cash," Xander replied. "It's a great way to get information."

"Unless someone decides you're a yummy treat or they take offence to you winning too much," Pierce said as he hinted to the sort of trouble Xander has gotten into. "And if they're good sports you're then left with all the cats you win."

"Which you then hand over as bribes or as payment for info," Xander commented.

"You know I'm starting to wonder if there was something in the omelet he made for us this morning or if I'm in the infirmary drugged to the gills," Lou said as he leaned over towards Jack. "But then I realize that there is no way my sub-conscious could be this fucked up or even let you be the star in this mess."

"Why am I the star of this?" Jack replied.

"Well I wasn't the one who the kid blackmailed," Lou stated. "Besides something this strange could only happen to you!"

An ear splitting whistle silenced the room. Everyone turned to look at the source of the noise, at Dr Fraiser.

"This has gone on long enough! I want answers," Fraiser demanded. "You!" she said as she pointed at Xander. "I want to know why did you decide to track down Colonel O'Neill and what happened since you left the hospital till the time you met Colonel O'Neill."

"With Buffy withdrawing her protection from me, I suddenly went to someone only a few demons would go after to something that every demon would go after since they didn't have to fear Buffy getting revenge for harming or killing me. So after I escaped the hospital, I did the only thing I could do which was to grabbed the few things I didn’t want to lose, my emergency cash and then high tailed it out of town. I stopped off at some… people I knew I could trust and had them hide my signature so I couldn't be tracked easily," Xander fired off quickly under Dr Fraiser's glare. "After that I did my best to lose anyone who was following me before arriving in town. I checked into a nice hotel near the academy then I went to visit Jack."

Fraiser nodded her head in acceptance before she turned her steely eyes on Colonel Pierce. "And what exactly is your involvement in all of this?" she demanded.

Pierce turned to Xander questionably, to which Xander nodded his head. Pierce then nodded over toward General Hammond.

"JD, she's a woman. She's Cajun, a red-head, a doctor and she's pissed," Xander explained. "While the General can make your life miserable, the good doctor can make it hell on Earth."

Xander's comment drew some muffles snickers, even a soft chuckle from the General himself as he recognized the truth of the young man's words.

With a shrug of his shoulders Pierce replied, "My team and I, are part of a government agency that was founded by President Roosevelt to monitor and track supernatural beings. We were assigned to investigate Sunnydale after those who were sent in previously had either vanished or died under mysterious circumstances."

"Mysterious circumstances?" O'Neill said.

"Demon chow," Xander replied off-handily, "if they were lucky. Human sacrifices if they weren't."

Pierce shrugged his shoulders, "While completing a patrol through the town, my team had the luck to meet Xander."

"They were having their asses handed to them by a couple of fledglings and I happened to show up in time," Xander translated.

Pierce sighed. "Xander ended up as our informant within his group. He kept me advised of the apocalypse season."

"Apocalypse season?" Jack said in surprise. "No! Wait, I don't want to know."

"Wise choice," Pierce said grimly "Anyway Xander worked as our informant and the general expert for our group."

"Which reminds me," Xander interrupted, "when were you going to tell me about the underground base the military was building?"

"What base?" Pierce replied in confusion.

"The one under the Delta Zeta Kappa fraternity house," Xander replied.

Pierce slowly shook his head. "There isn't shouldn't to be any military in Sunnydale except for my team and the army base."

Xander gave Pierce a pointed look.

Pierce sighed once again. "Right, I'll look into it."

"There's something I don't understand," Major Ferretti directed this to Xander.

"What's that?" Xander asked.

"I kind of understand how you know what you know and about what goes on in that place," Lou said. "And I understand how you used us to get hold of Pierce but there had to have been an easier way. So why?"

"Because," Xander said simply, "I need you to kill me."





Before 2004 Army and Air Force fatigues were the same… or at least as far as I can tell they were the same.

Traiteur - is Cajun healer

Blackmail Is Such A Dirty Word - ch 4/5 by Lady FoxFire
Author's Notes:

Damn I realize what a shit storm chapter 3 would be. I mean I know the Buffy and Willow lovers would jump to their defense but I think I was more surprised by how unreasonable they were. Of course I did have an equal number of people who defended my fic from the attack. By the end of Sunday night I was heartsick from it all to the point that I hate Buffy and Willow, something I never did before, and wish nothing more than to write the most vile fanfic I could about them. Of course I soon realize that I shouldn't waste me time of those… spoiled brats but it would still be nice to see Joyce paddle both of them until they couldn't sit down.

Edit - Oct 4, 2009 - removed Back-story because I can do better. The story is now in the form I had original written. Enjoy!


Giles grumbled softly to himself as the knocking at his door interrupted his enjoyment of the soap opera Passions.

"Yes," he said briskly as he opened the door to see a gentleman in a fine fitted suit.

"Is this the home of Rupert Giles?" the man asked.

"Yes," Giles replied cautiously.

The man pulled out a business card and handed it to Giles while saying, "I'm Mr. Cooper of Parker, Cooper and Augustine Law Firm."

"A lawyer?" Giles confusion was evident in his voice as he accepted the card.

"Yes, sir," Cooper replied. "I'm here concerning the Harris estate."

"The Harris estate?"

"Alexander LaVelle Harris," Cooper clarified.

"Xander," Giles whisper as the blood rushed from his face. "Xander's estate? He's dead?"

Seeing Giles’ reaction to the news, Cooper quickly offered Giles some support and comfort as he led the older man back into his home. "I'm sorry. I had assumed you had been informed of his death."

"No," Giles said as he sat down heavily in his chair. "How? When?"

"A car accident," Cooper replied as he opened up his briefcase so he could pull the Harris file out. "The police believe that he lost control of his car and ended up in the river sometime in late June, early July."

"It's October!" Giles shouted in outrage.

"I know. They only discovered the car in September when some hunters stumbled upon it," Cooper explained. "It took a little bit to identify the body."

"Where?" Giles whispered.

"Near the town of Three Forks, Montana," Cooper replied.

Giles nodded his head. "His remains?"

"They were cremated," Cooper explained as he presented a small cardboard box to Giles. "The police found our law firm’s name among Mr. Harris's things. Mr. Harris had stopped at our firm to update his business with us before starting his road trip."

"Business?" Giles echoed as he stared at the box. His hand reached out towards only to stop inches from touching it.

"Mr. Harris came to our offices to update all of his legal documents including the Last Will and Testament that he had with us," Cooper explained.

Giles looked up at Cooper; his eyes glistening with unshed tears.

"Umm…" Cooper said uncomfortably, not used to having to deal with new grief. Opening up the Harris files, he explained, "Mr. Harris asked that his remains be cremated and be given to either yourself or a Mrs. Joyce Summers. He further requested that his ashes be scattered at a location chosen by either you or Mrs. Summers. He only asks that it not be done in or around… Sunnyhell?"

Giles pulled his hand away from the simple cardboard box as he nodded his head.

"Ahh… Mr. Harris also asked that you, Mr. Giles contact Mrs. Summers about a book he left in her possession before graduation," Cooper read over the document. "He asked you to read the book and follow his instructions inside. I'm assuming you know Mrs. Summers."

Giles nodded his head; "She's a friend."

"Good. Good," Cooper said more to himself than to Giles. "I need to speak to her later."

Cooper flipped through some papers. "The insurance companies have already been notified of the accident and Mr. Harris' death. As per our instructions all of Mr. Harris's assets have been liquidated and split between the accounts."

"Assets?" Giles interrupted with a hope in his voice. "I think you have the wrong person. Xander didn't own anything expect for the car he bought from his uncle."

"I'm afraid that is incorrect," Cooper replied. "From my understanding Mr. Harris had the unusual talent of finding treasure at yard sales or things that washed up on the beach. I once asked Mr. Harris about his talent and he said that he liked to look for old things, to discover if they had treasure before they turned to dust."

Giles blinked a couple of time at the strange turn of words before his face suddenly paled. "Oh dear," he whispered as he realized that Xander had been robbing vampires before dusting them.

Cooper looked at Giles in concern. "Is everything alright, Mr. Giles?" he asked. "If you're concern about Mr. Harris's activities I can assure you that everything was above board. Mr. Harris was very diligent in filing the proper forms with the state and paying his taxes."

Giles waved off Cooper's concern. "How much did Xander amass with his treasure hunting?"

"With the sale of the stocks and bonds," Cooper said as he turned over a few pages, "it comes to roughly a little over 2 million and then with life insurance… double indemnity… we have slightly over 3 million dollar after taxes."

"3 million dollars," Giles said in shock.

"Mr. Harris directed that the funds minus the amount to Ms Chase, would be split evenly between you and Mrs. Summers," Cooper stated.

"Not Buffy or Willow?" Giles asked in confusion.

"I believe there was a falling out of some type," Cooper replied, "however Mr. Harris never alluded to the fact. He simply removed them from his Will and benefits."

"Oh," Giles said softly, confused about what had happened that caused Xander to ignore his friends

"Now if you would sign these papers, Mr. Giles, we can settle this unfortunate business," Cooper said as he pushed a stack of papers in Giles' direction. "The first sheet is your acceptance of Mr. Harris's remains." Cooper flipped down the stack of papers, "After that you need to sign at the arrows to accept your inheritance from the estate. The taxes have been prepaid so you don't need to worry about that."

Cooper watched as Giles numbly signed the forms before passing them back. "There was one other bit of business," Cooper said as he slid a closed envelope towards Giles. "Mr. Harris asks that we deliver a letter to you in the event of his death."

"And you only mention this now," Giles growled as he took the letter from Cooper.

"It was part of Mr. Harris' request," Cooper explained apologetically. "We were only allowed to hand it over once all of the other business was dealt with."

Giles sat staring at the envelope mutely as what happened crashed down around him while Mr. Cooper gathered up his papers and placed them in his briefcase.

"Mr. Giles?" Cooper said as he gently squeezed his shoulder.

Giles looked up at Cooper with a lost expression on his face.

"I am sorry for your loss," Cooper said. "Mr. Harris… Xander was… something else. He was like one of those knights from Camelot. He will be missed." And with that Mr. Cooper showed himself out.




Giles sat there staring at the envelope for over an hour before picking it up and opening it. Pulling the letter out he starts to read:


If you're reading this then I must have died. I hope I died doing some good instead of getting killed in some stupid accident but I have a feeling that I've used up all my extra time. I realized long ago that I've been living on borrowed time, that someday it will come due.

First off let me state I understand why you never visited me in the hospital after graduation. I figure either you never knew since Willow probably hacked the hospital records and changed my in case of emergency contact or you believe whatever cock and bull story they dreamt up.

By now you're wondering what you've missed, what happened between Buffy, Willow and myself. Well I'm not going to tell you because since I'm dead it serves no purpose. There is no justice or revenge for the dead; there is only the hope that someone else won't have to go through the same thing. But know this I will never forgive them for what they did. They are no longer my almost sister or my hero; they are simply people I once had to work with and that is all.

Now I have something I want to say to you in order to cleanse my soul. For the longest time I had hoped that you would look upon me as a son but you never did. To Buffy, you became her father figure. To Willow, you become her mentor, her teacher especially after Miss Calendar was killed. And I was the barely tolerated annoying little brother. I was the little brother everyone ignored until they needed me to do something or say something completely brilliant. I learn to accept this role because it was needed. You learned not to see me, and this gave me the ability to do what was needed. I could spend hours writing down the things I did that none of you ever noticed but I won't since I doubt you could believe them without experiencing it.

And this brings us to a secret I have been keeping from all of you and this secret is one I will only share with you, Giles. Now I know my lawyer made mention of a book I trusted Mrs. S with. Once you have that book I need you to read it and follow the instructions in it exactly. I need you to trust me on this Giles; I need you do what I asked. Remember while I don't like Buffy and Willow right now, at one time I did love them and would do anything in my powers to protect them, you and the rest of the world.

And with that it is time I said good-bye. I know some day down the line you'll find out the total extent of what I did and I can only pray that you'll forgive me when we meet again.

Alexander Harris

Blackmail Is Such A Dirty Word - ch 5/5 by Lady FoxFire
Author's Notes:

And here we are at the end of the story and yes, I've already started a sequel. And yes, I'm working on my sequel to the God of Chaos.

"Ah trees," Colonel Jack O'Neill said with fond disgust as the Stargate closed behind him.

"And what's wrong with trees," a familiar voice called out from among the trees.

O'Neill cross him arms over his chest as he stared into the area the voice came from. "They hide annoying pains in the rear from sight until they attack."

"Really," the voice said from directly behind Jack. "Imagine that."

Jack turned to glare at the source of the voice, which turned out to be a young man with brown hair and eyes dress in a SGC field uniform. "Case in point," he growled.

"Awww," the young man whine, "is that anyway to treat your better half?"

"My better half?" Jack sputtered. "There is no way one God's green Earth that you're my better half, Xander!"

"Of course, I am," Xander countered. "I have all your knowledge, your experience. I'm younger and my knees don't hurt. Plus if you haven't notice we're not on God's green Earth therefore I'm your better half."

"He does have a point, Jack," Daniel Jackson said from where he stood next to Jack.

"Don't encourage him," Jack whined as he turned on his friend.

"I have to agree with Daniel and Xander, sir," Carter spoke up with a smirk on her face. "He is your better half. In addition he's more cuddly."

"Ahhh," Xander said as he hugged Carter. "Love you too."

"XanderHarris's youth allows his enemies to underestimate him," Teal'c commented.

"What is this!" Jack explained. "Pick on Jack day?"


"So what's the gossip from Earth?" Xander demanded as he bounced on the balls of his feet. "Did you bring me anything good?"

Jack made a noise as if to dismiss Xander's question.

"Come on, Jack," Xander begged. "You don't know what it's like up here. The big brains treat me like I'm some type of weird soldiers until they need me to point out the obvious to them and the soldiers treat me like I'm some weird science project. Of course, they now use me as training for the newbies by making me fight them. After I take them out they point out to the newbies to never take anything at face value."

"Well at least you're keeping in shape," Jack offered as a saving grace.

Xander stuck his tongue out at Jack. "Love you too."

The rest of SG-1 chuckled at Jack and Xander's antics and how much they are alike as they wandered off in the direction of the base while giving the two men some privacy.

"So," Xander said as he watched Carter's yellow hair vanish from view.

Jack nodded his head as he agreed with Xander's unspoken comment about them being alone now. "So… how is everything?"

Xander shrugged his shoulders. "About as expected. Being the odd man out and everything," he said. "But some of the guys are trying to include me in stuff… games and training and stuff. A couple of the scientists have taken on the impossible task of correcting the fuck up that Sunnydale education system created. Of course, they also looked at me weird when I told them I could read about 8 dead languages and speak 3 of them."

"You confuse them," Jack explained. "Scientists don't like to be confused. They like everything orderly, neatly labeled with little white tags and carefully filed away."

Xander looked at Jack with a raised eyebrow. "You go in and mess Carter's stuff up, don't you?"

"And Daniel's," Jack added in with a mischievous grin.

With a snort, Xander shook his head at Jack. "So how are things on Earth?"

Jack shrugged his shoulders. "The same as usual," he replied. "Had a visit by a snake with a bad boob job. Dealt with a power mad Senator. You know, the usual."

Xander nodded his head. "And Sunnydale?"

"Pierce said that Giles got in contact with him," Jack said.

"I can't imagine he was pleased to find out that I was involved with the military when it came to protecting Sunnydale," Xander commented.

"From what I understand he was pretty freaked out by the fact there is a nuke ready to take out the town whenever it's needed," Jack commented.

"I don't see why," Xander said, "after all we had a portal to Hell under our feet and bi-yearly apocalypse."

"Probably a control issue," Jack offered as a reason.

Xander shrugged his shoulders in reply.

"If it helps, he seemed pretty upset when he learned what happened," Jack offered noticing how down Xander was.

"A little," Xander said. "But he was probably more upset over Buffy walking the edge. Slayers are meant to fight the supernatural, not normal people. When they do they can slip over the edge and become bad like Faith did."

Jack looked over at the younger man. "You did good there," He said as he gave Xander's shoulder a comforting squeeze. "And your friends… they're morons."

Xander snorted in amusement.

"Hey you're now with people who can value you for who you are and what you can do," Jack said. "Though I'm still wonder why you wanted to come up here instead of hiding out on Earth."

"Magic," Xander replied. "If they wanted to they could have found me by magic but up here they won't be able to find me. In a couple years I can return to Earth and start a new life."

"You could always go to the academy," Jack offered.

"I'm not really interested in learning how to jump out of a perfectly good plane with only a bed sheet," Xander replied.

"That’s Airborne, the Army," Jack corrected.

"Ohh that right! The Air Force are the ones who climb into things that are basically a gas tank with wings which are built by the lowest bidders," Xander teased.

"Got to prove our manhood somehow," Jack replied as the two men walked off towards the base and a new future.

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