Summary: AU after AHBL part 1. Established Wincest. Dean never made the deal.
Categories: Non Buffy/Angel Stories > Supernatural Characters: None
Genres: AU, Romance
Warnings: Angst, Slash
Chapters: 4 Completed: Yes
Word count: 9757 Read: 49900
Published: 2011.02.14 Updated: 2011.09.05
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
1. Chapter 1 by kirallie
2. Chapter 2 by kirallie
3. Chapter 3 by kirallie
4. Chapter 4 by kirallie
No one was around to se the flash of blue lightning slam into the ground and if they had been they would have been in for a shock. Lying at the bottom of the crater was a curled, naked body. It lay still for a few seconds and then started shaking as if cold; it slowly uncurled and then staggered to its knees. Shaggy brown hair fell across the face before being shakily shoved back. Terrified hazel eyes stared wildly around before their owner lurched to his feet. He stumbled to the edge of the crater and then scrambled out; ignoring the way the still smoking ground burnt his hands. He stared around, seeing nothing but wide open grass lands so he just started walking, his movements becoming stronger and surer the longer he moved, as if his body was remembering something it had almost forgotten.
His mind was another matter, half formed thoughts and memories swirling around chaotically as he walked. He didn’t even know his own name, though at the moment he didn’t even know what a name was. Then again he didn’t even remember how to speak either. He just kept walking in a relatively straight line through the grass, shivering despite the heat even as his skin began to go red from the hot sun beating down on him. He paused when he came to a break in the grass and stared at the black line breaking through it, looking fearfully around before taking a hesitant step onto it. Hands flew to his head as a sharp pain lanced through it and then he stared down at the hot surface beneath his feet. Road…..it was a road, he knew what it was. His lips curled in a smile automatically and he started walking down the road in a completely random direction. As he walked other things slowly began to make sense in his mind, that was a tree and over there a fence, a cow…..but while he was able to recognise objects that was it.
Several hours later he staggered up to a building, staring at it with wide eyes until he slowly came to recognise what it was. He was sunburnt and dehydrated as he stumbled to the door, reaching out to knock but there was no one there. He looked around and slowly recognised the pumps in the cleared area, it was a gas station. He picked up a rock and smashed it into the glass, reaching in to open the door. He looked around, trying to make sense of what he could see, moaning in pain at the overload of new things. He stared around wildly, automatically knowing what his body needed and he wobbled to the….fridge, yanking it open he pulled out water and drank it, only to throw up as his stomach rebelled. He gasped for air before slowly bringing himself under control. This time he forced himself to drink slowly and the water stayed down.
He walked around in a daze as he began to recognise some of the objects. He found a…..blanket and wrapped it around himself for warmth as eh looked around. He came to a…….glass…..mirror! And stared into it, knowing that he was looking at himself. Giving up on staring after a while he went back to looking around. He picked up a magazine and stared at it, smiling as slowly the blurs formed into words although he couldn’t understand them all he did know some of them. And the numbers……5/2/2008….a date! It was the date but something about it felt…..off. He went behind the counter and looked around. He hesitantly reached out and then picked up the….phone. He stared at it blankly before hesitantly pushing several of the numbers.
“We’re sorry but the number you have dialled is no longer in service.” He slammed it down, breathing heavily, as he stared at it. He took a deep breath and then picked it up again, staring at the numbers before finally pushing some more. He held it shakily to his ear, not knowing what he was waiting for.
“Hello?” He nearly dropped the phone but just managed to keep a grip on it.
“Who is this? If you don’t answer I’m hanging up.” He struggled to understand but he knew he had to do something. He swallowed and then opened his mouth.
“H…he…help.” He managed to rasp out.
“Help? Okay just take it easy. Are you hurt? Can you tell me where you are?” the gruff voice became gentler and he relaxed his grip on the phone a little in response.
“Its okay, stay on the phone, I’m gonna find you. Try to keep talking kid.” The gruff voice called and he groaned, free hand going to his head as the sound echoed in his head. He knew this voice! He tried to make sense of it but he couldn’t.
“C…ca’t…member.” He stuttered out brokenly.
“Cat member?” the voice sounded as confused as he felt.
“Wait…..you can’t remember?” it tried and he smiled, happy it had understood.
“Okay, that’s okay. I’m gonna get you help. Just got to trace the call and…..got it, you’re not far from here. Are you hurt?”
“H..hur.” He tried to copy, understand what was being said, but it was too much.
“Its okay kid, you can hang up the phone now, I know where you are.” He stared at the phone when it made a funny noise and then put it down. Scared and unsure now the voice was gone he sat, huddled in the corner behind the counter.
Bobby Singer pulled into the closed garage, instantly taking in the broken glass in the door and the lack of cars. The call had been bugging him the whole way, how had this person rung him and why did the voice sound so familiar? He knew it wasn’t Dean, sounded too young and soft for the kid. So while he was ready to offer help he was also armed and ready for anything supernatural, just in case it was a trap. He got out of his truck, grabbed his bag that held medical supplies and hunting equipment and headed for the door, pushing it open.
“Hello? Kid you here? It’s okay, I’m here to help.” He called out gently and was answered by a whimper. Looking around he saw the spilled water, the evidence someone had been sick and the moved magazines. Seeing the phone on the counter he walked over and looked over the counter to see a figure huddled on the floor. He moved around slowly until he was crouched nearby. Something about the kid……
“Hey, it’s okay. Come on out, I ain’t gonna hurt you.” He called and a head of shaggy brown hair lifted to reveal very familiar features. He froze in horror as he stared at someone who had been dead for a year. His hand went to his gun as terrified hazel stared at him; now he knew why the kid’s voice had sounded familiar.
“Stop it. I don’t know what you are but you stop it right now.” He demanded and the thing pretending to be Sam whimpered in fear, trying to move further away from him. He ignored the pain seeing Sam so scared caused him, Sam was dead, had been for a year. Hell he’d helped salt and burn the kids body.
“Sam’s dead, you’re not him so just stop it.” He snarled and hazel rolled back, the body going limp. Bobby just stared in surprise before reaching forward to check for a pulse, finding it far too rapid. Great, he’d scared the thing into passing out. He sighed but removed his hand from his gun and pulled the limp body out from behind the counter. He studied the body and it sure looked like Sam, right down to the scar he’d stitched for the kid when he was a teen. Hands shaking in rage and grief he opened his bag and pulled out the holy water, spilling some on the still face but there was no reaction so he got out a silver knife and made a small cut, still nothing.
Half an hour later he’d run through all the tests he knew and they were all negative. Everything he knew said the body before him was really Sam Winchester. But how? He’d seen Sam die in Dean’s arms, heard the older brother’s anguished screams for Sam to wake up. He’d been there for three days while Dean had refused to bury or burn Sam and then had finally given in. He’d been the one to gather the wood while Dean had gently wrapped the body. So how could this be Sam? He studied him and then frowned as he noticed the blood on the floor. He moved around the unconscious body and lifted a foot, finding it bloody and burnt. He winced at the thought of trying to walk with feet like those and then realised, that was exactly what the kid had done. Who knew how far he’d walked barefoot and on such a hot day, no wonder his skin was red and hot to the touch. Bobby gently poured water over the feet, cleaning them up as much as he could before gently bandaging them. He found some towels in the bathroom and soaked them before laying them on the red skin and Sam moaned.
“Sam? Can you hear me?” Bobby called and hazel eyes slowly opened. Sam whimpered in pain and fear and Bobby reached down to gently brush Sam’s hair out of his face.
“It’s okay Sam, it’s me. It’s Bobby, don’t you recognise me?” He asked, Sam had sounded so broken on the phone, so confused……and he hadn’t seemed to know who he was talking to. Was it true that Sam didn’t remember him?
“Come on kid, give me something.” He pleaded and Sam’s arm came up shakily to touch Bobby’s face, Sam’s features drawn in a confused frown. Bobby held still, not wanting to startle the kid as hesitant fingers traced his features.
“B…B….Bo.” Sam stuttered and Bobby smiled.
“Yeah Sam, its Bobby.” He whispered, trying not to let the tears fall. He reached out and gently pulled Sam up so that the kid was resting against him. Sam whimpered but otherwise didn’t react to the movement.
“Guess that sunburn’s starting to really hurt. Need to get you out of here and back home. I’ll be back in a second, just need to get you some clothes from the truck.” Bobby told him, not knowing how much Sam was understanding. He got up and Sam watched him, calling out when Bobby moved further away.
“S…Sta…” Sam called out and Bobby took his cap off, running a hand through his hair. He knelt beside Sam and then dropped his cap on Sam’s head. Startled hazel eyes stared up at him before Sam smiled lopsidedly at him. One hand came up to touch the cap in awe.
“You watch that for me Sam, I’ll be right back.” Bobby told him and Sam frowned before nodding slightly and Bobby felt a flash of hope that Sam may have understood him. He hurried out to the truck and dug around the back, gathering some loose clothing. He knew none of it would fit Sam properly, the kid was too tall, but it was better than nothing. He got back inside to find Sam clutching at his baseball cap to his chest, knees drawn up to his chest as he lay on his side.
“Hey Sam, got you some clothes.” Bobby told him and Sam looked up at him. Bobby knelt beside him and held out the shirt. Sam just looked at before looking up at Bobby, lost.
“Okay, its okay, I’ll help you. Can you sit up?” He asked and Sam frowned but slowly began trying to sit up and Bobby felt relief that Sam had understood that. He pulled the shirt down over Sam’s head and then helped him get his arms through the holes. The pants were harder and he had to be very careful of Sam’s feet but he managed to get him dressed. Sam pulled at the t-shirt curiously before looking up at Bobby and holding his hat out to him.
“B…Bobby.” Sam said and Bobby smiled, taking his hat back and reaching out to ruffle Sam’s hair, getting a smile.
“Bobby hunt.” Sam said and Bobby frowned, not understanding.
“Not hunting at the moment. Need to get you back to my place. Think you can stand?” He asked, not wanting Sam to walk on his feet but there was no way Bobby could carry him. So far Sam hadn’t asked for Dean and that scared him a little. He’d have to call Dean but he’d wait until he had Sam settled, probably better if the kid didn’t have too many more shocks till he’d slept for a while. He reached out and wrapped his arms around Sam, helping him to his feet. Sam whimpered but otherwise didn’t react and Bobby gently guided him out to his truck. Sam stopped and stared at it and then looked at him.
“Tr…truck?” Sam asked, seeming unsure and Bobby nodded, tears caught in his throat.
“Yeah Sam, it’s a truck.” He said and Sam smiled. Bobby helped Sam up into the passenger seat and made sure his belt was secure. Sam looked around as Bobby got in as well and started the engine. That made Sam start slightly but then he relaxed and began to point out various things as Bobby drove. It seemed that Sam was beginning to recall some things though his speech was hesitant. Bobby pointed out things when Sam didn’t seem to remember what they were. It didn’t take long to get back to Bobby’s and then he helped Sam inside and over to the couch. He didn’t want to make Sam go up the stairs given the condition of his feet so he got some blankets and a pillow and made him up a bed, happy he had such a long couch. He helped Sam lay down on it and then sat down in another seat with a book since Sam seemed to like knowing where he was. Ten minutes later the kid was out like a light.
Dean got out of the Impala and looked at Bobby’s place; it hadn’t changed at all in the last ten months for which he was grateful. He knew it had been terrible of him, not coming to see Bobby, but it hurt. He sighed and grabbed his bag before heading for the porch. He didn’t know what Bobby needed but he hadn’t been able to say no when the older hunter had rung and asked him to come. He went to knock but the door opened and Bobby joined him on the porch.
“What’s going on?” Dean asked and Bobby sighed.
“Dean I… this isn’t exactly easy.” Bobby started and Dean tensed. Was something wrong?
“Bobby are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. Look, this isn’t easy. Got a call yesterday from a gas station about two hours away. Sounded like a kid in trouble so I headed out to help. Found him naked except for a blanket from the station, feet torn up and badly sunburned. He could barely talk and has some sort of partial amnesia…………Dean it’s……it’s Sam. I don’t know how or why but it is him. I tested for everything and he’s human.” Bobby explained as gently as he could and Dean glared at him shaking his head in denial.
“Sam’s dead Bobby! You were there, you saw…..” Dean trailed off and Bobby nodded.
“I know, I also know that the scared kid in there is Sam. Did some digging around, found there’s a weird crater, almost like from a lightning strike, in a field….it’d explain why his feet are torn up. Dean I tested him, it is Sam. But…..”
“But?” Dean pressed, hands shaking.
“I don’t know if he remembers you. He hasn’t asked for you. I don’t think he recognised me at first either. He could barely talk at first, it’s like he’d forgotten how to or something but he’s getting better at it. He’s managing a few short sentences now. Dean don’t go barging in, he’s still terrified.” Bobby said and Dean shoved past him, into the house.
Dean looked around, searching for his brother. He wanted so badly for it to be Sam but he knew it was impossible, he’d watched his brother’s body burn. But what could fool Bobby. A soft noise had him turn to the door into the hallway and there was Sam, clinging to the wall for support.
“Sam?” Dean called softly, heart in his throat. He wanted to run to him, hold him but he was scared that if he moved Sam would vanish. Looking at him, he felt the anger drain away, it was Sam. He didn’t know how he knew he just knew, he’d always know Sam. Wide hazel eyes stared at him fearfully before dropping down a little. Sam’s mouth opened and then shut and he staggered into the room. Dean looked down and saw the bandages wrapped around Sam’s feet, he must be in agony walking and yet he was moving closer to Dean.
“Sam? Is it really you?” Dean pleaded and then Sam nearly fell into him. Dean reached out to support him and Sam’s hand moved up to wrap around Dean’s amulet. Sam stared at it before looking up to see Dean’s face. Sam frowned in confusion before it slowly cleared and Sam smiled.
“Sammy?” Dean whispered and suddenly Sam’s arms were around him.
“Dean.” Sam whispered and Dean wrapped his arms around Sam, holding him close as Sam clung to him.
“Yeah Sammy, I’m here, I’ve got you.” Dean whispered as Sam leant more of his weight on him. Dean managed to get them over to the couch and sat down awkwardly with Sam clinging to him. He just held Sam, glad it seemed that his brother did remember him. He looked over to see Bobby standing in the front door, smiling slightly at them.
“I’ll go get some food. I managed to get some soup into him last night but he’s got to be starving. I think he knew you were coming, he hasn’t settled all day.” Bobby told him as he walked past them towards the kitchen. Dean sighed and then shifted, moving Sam around a bit so that he was cradling Sam in his arms. Sam smiled up at him, one hand on Dean’s amulet.
“I missed you so much Sammy.” Dean told him and Sam frowned.
“Gone?” Sam asked and then his eyes widened.
“Andy Gone Dean.” Sam said and Dean stared at him.
“Andy? You mean mind trick Andy?” Dean asked but Sam didn’t answer. Bobby walked back in with a mug of soup and a plate of toast.
“Figured its safer sticking to the easy to eat stuff until we know more.” Bobby told him and Dean nodded, taking the mug.
“You hungry Sammy?” Dean asked and Sam nodded, his stomach growling and Dean laughed, making Sam smile. Dean watched as Sam sat up, one hand hovering at Sam’s back in case he needed help but Sam managed. He offered the mug to Sam but he didn’t try to take it so Dean held it to his lips, happy when Sam started to drink.
“Slowly Sam, don’t want to make yourself sick.” Dean told him, happy that Sam did as told.
“He seems to be understanding a lot more of what we say. Maybe however he came back just messed things up a little in his head and it’s taken time for it to settle.” Bobby offered and Dean nodded.
“Dean sad?” Sam asked curiously and Dean smiled at him.
“No, I’m happy Sammy. I’m so happy you’re back.” Dean told him and Sam smiled at him before going back to drinking the soup.
“Think we should try and get him upstairs? Bed’s more comfortable than the couch. I didn’t want to try on my own with his feet like this.” Bobby said and Dean nodded.
“Got a chair we could stick in the shower? He’ll probably feel better after that.”
“Sure, I’ll get set everything up.” Bobby told him, handing over the plate before heading upstairs.
“Where Bobby….go?” Sam asked and Dean smiled at the most complete sentence he’d heard from Sam.
“Upstairs to set things up for us. You could use a shower kiddo.” Dean told him and Sam nodded.
“Shower. Water. Clean.” Sam said and Dean nodded. He handed a piece of toast to Sam once the soup was finished and Sam stared at it before taking it and raising it to his mouth. Dean grinned as Sam ate it unaided, even reaching out to take another piece himself. He hoped Bobby was right, that Sam was just a bit messed up from being brought back and that he’d get back to normal. No matter what he was glad to have Sam back, he just wanted all of him back. Who’d have thought he’d miss Sam and his long explanations of things but he did. It wasn’t right that Sam was reduced to simple words.
“Missed you so much Sam. Love you.” Dean whispered and Sam smiled, reaching out to touch Dean’s face.
“Missed. Love Dean.” Sam said and Dean smiled, ignoring the tears he could feel in his eyes but Sam saw them.
“No cry. No….no chick” Sam frowned and Dean managed a choked laugh.
“No chick-flicks?” He clarified and Sam nodded. Sam slid across the couch and then clambered onto Dean’s lap, straddling him and Dean just watched him. Sam smiled again and then lent in, brushing his lips against Dean’s. Dean felt some of his worry’s melt away at the gentle contact. He’d been scared Sam wouldn’t remember but obviously he did to be initiating a kiss. Dean carefully moved his hands so that one was cupping the back on Sam’s head, fingers curling in Sam’s hair and the other went around Sam’s waist. Sam leant further in against him and kissed Dean again, more surely. Dean responded but didn’t push, not wanting to startle Sam. They parted and Sam grinned, dimples showing. It was the type of smile Dean hadn’t seen since before their Dad had died. That made Dean freeze, did Sam remember their Dad’s death? Did Sam remember his own? Dean tugged Sam’s head down to rest on his shoulder and just held him, smiling when Sam relaxed into his arms. Sam wrapped his arms around Dean and just held on tightly.
“It’s okay Sammy, it’s going to be okay.” Dean whispered.
“Everything’s ready.” Bobby called as he walked down the stairs, stopping when he caught sight of them. He smiled at them, happy to see Dean looking more alive than he had the last time he’d seen the boy. Sure they’d hidden it but Bobby wasn’t an idiot, he knew they were a lot closer than brothers should be but he’d never said anything to them. He wasn’t going to say anything against them finding what happiness they could, even if most people would say it was wrong. So seeing Sam back in Dean’s arms like that…..it was a relief. Dean looked up at him and he could see his fear that Bobby would kick them out so he just smiled at the kid and nodded. Dean stared at him before smiling back and then gently nudging Sam back.
“Come on Sammy, let’s get you upstairs.” Dean said and Bobby walked over to help. Between them they managed to get Sam upstairs without putting too much pressure on his feet. Bobby helped get Sam into the bathroom and then left them too it. Dean helped Sam strip off and then sat him on the stool in the shower before stripping off himself. To his surprise he found himself blushing slightly as Sam stared at him, despite how many times he’d been naked in front of Sam before, this felt different. Sam reached out to trace the scar made by a bullet that had been meant for Sam but Dean had pushed him out of the way. Sam frowned as he touched it and Dean took his hand, making Sam look up at him. He smiled at Sam, ruffling his hair and Sam laughed. Sam flinched a little when the water hit him but then smiled and even splashed at Dean. Dean laughed and splashed back as he washed Sam, massaging his scalp as he worked the shampoo in. Sam sighed and relaxed into the massage.
“You like that huh? Bet it feels good.” Dean said and Sam nodded lazily. Dean smiled and continued to wash Sam before nearly jumping when Sam leant forward to rest his head against Dean’s stomach.
“Sleepy.” Sam answered.
“Almost finished, then we can get some sleep.” Dean told him, rinsing the soap of them both and then turning the water off. He got the towels and wrapped one around Sam’s shoulders while he dried his hair with another. Sam picked at the towel and then began rubbing it over his skin, looking up at Dean for approval.
“Good job kiddo.” Dean praised and Sam grinned. Once Sam was dried Dean unwrapped his feet and froze, staring at the torn skin in horror.
“Bet this hurts.” He whispered and Sam nodded. Dean gently cleaned them up and then re-bandaged them.
“All done.” Dean told him and then gently helped Sam up. He winced at the pain in his feet but hobbled into the bedroom with Dean’s help. Dean got him on the bed and Sam relaxed.
“Dean naked.” Sam stated and Dean laughed.
“Yeah, I am. Forgot to take clothes in for me.” Dean told him, going to get some but Sam grabbed his arm.
“Stay please.” Sam pleaded, looking scared and Dean moved his arm in Sam’s grip so that he could thread his fingers through Sam’s.
“I’m not going anywhere Sam. I just need to get clothes from my bag. See?” Dean said, pointing at the bag. Sam frowned but slowly let go. Dean grabbed a t-shirt and boxers, slipped them on and then went back to the bed. He got in beside Sam and tugged Sam closer. Sam cuddled in to Dean’s side, his head on Dean’s chest, over his heart.
“Get some sleep Sammy.” Dean whispered, running his fingers through Sam’s still damp hair. Sam gradually drifted off to sleep and Dean soon followed.
Glad you liked the first chapter. When asked for opinions on where Sam was while dead the most popular seem to be Purgatory or Heaven. Has Purgatory ever been mentioned in the show? I’ve only seen to the end of s4 as s5 is still way too expensive to buy.
Dean held Sam as he whimpered, obviously lost in some sort of nightmare. Memories of his life or of what had happened after his death? No. There was no way Sam would have gone somewhere that would leave him with nightmares; Sam was too good for hell. Dean gently ran his fingers through Sam’s hair, kissing his forehead, trying to let him know he wasn’t alone. Slowly hazel eyes fluttered open and Sam gasped for breath, eyes darting around.
“Shh Sammy, it’s alright, you’re okay.” Dean whispered and Sam’s eyes locked onto him even as Sam reached out. Dean let Sam’s arms wrap around him in return, holding Sam even closer as his baby brother clung to him.
“Dean.” Sam whispered and Dean kissed his lips softly.
“I’m here, you’re safe.” Dean told him and Sam buried his face in Dean’s shirt, hot tears slowly soaking through the thin material. He held Sam, whispering comforting words, until he felt Sam drift off to sleep again. Dean made sure Sam was comfortable before letting himself sleep, he knew Sam would need him alert in the coming days.
When Dean next woke sunlight was streaming into the bedroom through the cracks in the curtains and Sam was still clinging to him in his sleep. His hand went to his gun as the door opened but he relaxed when he saw it was just Bobby checking on them. Bobby nodded at him and then shut the door and Dean heard him heading downstairs. Sam shifted a bit before his eyes opened and he was staring right at Dean. Sam had tensed as he woke and now held himself perfectly still as he stared at Dean.
“Dean?” Sam questioned and Dean smiled, rubbing a hand along Sam’s back.
“Morning Sammy.” Dean answered and Sam swallowed, moving an arm to place his hand over Dean’s heart.
“Real, you’re real.” Sam whispered and Dean swallowed but nodded. What could have happened to him for him to doubt Dean was real?
“I’m real Sammy, you’re safe. We’re at Bobby’s, he found you at the gas station, remember?” Dean asked and Sam frowned but nodded slowly. Dean reached up to brush the hair away from Sam’s face and Sam leant into his touch, soaking it up and Dean smiled.
“I missed you so much Sam, thought I’d never see you again.” Dean whispered and Sam nodded.
“How do you feel? Any pain?” Dean asked and Sam thought it over.
“Feet, back.” Sam answered and Dean was happy that Sam really seemed to be understanding things now. Maybe he’d just needed a really good nights sleep for his brain to sort things out, though his speech was still a bit off.
“Your back?” Dean asked and Sam nodded, moving his arm to put his hand where it hurt and Dean froze as Sam’s hand rested over the area where a certain bastard had stabbed him.
“Okay let’s take a look.” Dean told him, shifting around so that he was sitting up with Sam still in his arms. Sam realised what he wanted and moved so he was laying in Dean’s lap on his stomach and Dean lifted his shirt away from the area. Dean stared at the red, raised scar and gently ran his fingers over it, earning a hiss of discomfort from Sam.
“Sorry kiddo. You’ve got a nasty scar but it shouldn’t be causing pain. Might need to see a doctor and get it checked out but if it’s not too bad we’ll wait till your feet are better.”
“Okay.” Sam answered and then tensed as the door opened. Dean soothed him and Sam slowly relaxed as Bobby came in, carrying a tray.
“Figured it’d be easier to bring breakfast to you then get Sam back downstairs.” Bobby said as he put the tray beside the bed.
“Thanks Bobby.” Dean told him, grateful.
“How’re you doing today Sam?” Bobby asked and Sam smiled shyly at him, reaching out a hand so Bobby took it and Sam’s smile widened to show his dimples.
“We might need to get his back checked out Bobby.” Dean answered, raising Sam’s t-shirt again to show Bobby the scar. Bobby nodded, fighting not to show any more reaction to the angry mark.
“I’ll get the supplies for his feet while you eat.” The older hunter said, leaving the room. Dean pulled Sam up to sit beside him so they could eat. Sam could handle the toast easily but when it came to the porridge Dean had to help steady the spoon. Sam looked away but Dean caught his chin with his fingers.
“Don’t Sammy, its okay. I don’t know what you’ve been through or where you were but I know it’s going to take time for you to adjust to being back. I’ll do everything I can to help you, you know that. I’m just glad you’re back.” Dean told him firmly and Sam slowly nodded.
“Sa….I left? Dead.” Sam asked hesitantly and Dean nodded, holding up another spoon for Sam who slowly ate it. Dean was happy that Sam had referred to himself as I for the first time; it had to be a good sign.
“Yeah Sammy, you died…in my arms.” Dean admitted and Sam moved, hugging him.
“Sorry, sorry.” Sam whimpered and Dean hugged him back.
“It wasn’t your fault Sammy; it was that bastard that stabbed you in the back.” Dean told him and Sam frowned.
“Stabbed?” He asked and then he whimpered, hands going to his head in pain.
“Shh Sammy, calm down. It’s alright, you’re okay now. He can’t hurt you again, I made sure.” Dean soothed and Sam slowly calmed down, hazel locking with green.
“Made sure? Killed Jake?” Sam asked and Dean sighed but nodded.
“That was his name huh? Yeah I killed him and the demon.” Dean told him and Sam’s eyes went wide.
“The demon’s dead?” He asked and Dean smiled, nodding again. Sam smiled brightly, burrowing into his side.
“They can’t hurt you anymore.” Dean whispered, holding him close.
“Dean?” Sam asked after a while and Dean looked down at him.
“How?” Sam asked and Dean didn’t need to ask him what he meant. Sam knew he’d been dead and wanted to know how he was alive again.
“I don’t know and I don’t care as long as you’re here. It wasn’t anything I did, I didn’t make a deal or something. Promise.” Dean told him and Sam nodded, accepting his word.
“Do…do you remember anything from…..” Dean struggled to ask and Sam stared at him, eyes wide and Dean tucked Sam’s head under his chin, holding him close.
“Don’t worry about it, it doesn’t matter.” He whispered and Sam nodded, plastering himself to Dean. Dean had a feeling from Sam’s reaction that he did remember something and it wasn’t good.
“It’s okay; I won’t let anyone hurt you.” Dean whispered and Sam pulled away far enough that he could give Dean a soft kiss. Dean kissed him back just as softly and Sam smiled widely when they parted.
“Love you.” Sam whispered and Dean smiled, cupping Sam’s cheek.
“Love you too Sammy.” He replied and then Bobby walked in with the new supplies, making Sam pout. The two older hunters laughed at that but Sam sighed and moved so they could change the dressings on his feet.
“Looks like he’s lucky, no sign of infection.” Bobby commented when they were done and Dean nodded. Sam puled his feet away once they were done and cuddled back into Dean’s side.
“Cuddly since coming back, aren’t you kiddo?” Bobby asked and Sam just shrugged, reaching out to grab Bobby’s wrist, tugging at him.
“Hug Bobby?” Sam asked, grinning cheekily and Dean laughed.
“Funny Sam. You just rest and heal up; I’ll go dig your gear out of the basement.” Bobby told him before leaving them alone. Sam looked at Dean in shock.
“What’s wrong Sam?”
“My gear? You kept it?” Sam whispered and Dean nodded, wrapping his arms around Sam more securely.
“Of course, how could I throw away the only things of you I still had? Left it here so it’d be safe, except for a few little things that are either in my bag or the Impala. I’ll give them back now you’re back.” Dean told him and Sam smiled at him.
“Bet you’ll be glad to have your own clothes that fit.” Dean teased, pulling at the too tight shirt and Sam laughed, nodding.
“Hey Dean, how’s Sam?” Bobby asked as Dean joined him in the kitchen.
“Sleeping again. Guess that’s his body’s way of dealing with what happened.” Dean answered, sitting down and accepting the offered beer.
“Makes sense, he’s been more coherent every time he wakes up. So has he….does he know what happened?” Bobby asked and Dean sighed.
“He knows he died. I don’t know if he actually remembers anything after that or if it’s just feelings and impressions but wherever he was….it gave him nightmares and he wasn’t sure I was real when he woke up this morning.” Dean admitted tiredly.
“You don’t think….Dean there is no way Sam deserved to be in hell.” Bobby growled and Dean looked up at him with bleak eyes.
“But what if he went there anyway because of that bastard? If I hadn’t distracted him….” Dean mumbled in self-hate.
“No! Not your fault.” An angry voice called and Dean spun in the seat to see Sam standing unsteadily in the doorway, clinging to the wall for support.
“Sam! You shouldn’t be walking.” Dean chastised him, hurrying over and then actually picking Sam up, bridal style. Sam giggled and hung on around his neck as Dean carried him and placed him in a chair.
“How are your feet?”
“Sore, not too bad. My..I…” Sam closed his eyes, fighting to get out what he wanted to say.
“It wasn’t your fault, I turned my back, thought he was out. You last thing I saw, made me happy.” Sam told him, clinging to Dean’s hand and willing him to believe it. Dean looked down and then finally nodded.
“Thanks for keeping clothes Bobby.” Sam said and Bobby noticed that Sam was dressed in his own clothes for the first time since he’d been found.
“No problem Sam.” Bobby told him and Sam smiled at him.
“Well since you’re down here what do you say to trying something a bit more substantial for dinner? How does barbeque steaks sound?” He offered and Dean grinned.
“Knowing Sammy he wants a salad.” Dean teased and Sam grinned at him.
“Jerk. Bobby’s steaks best.” Sam told him and Dean laughed, nodding in agreement.
Bobby watched as the two teased each other, happy to see Dean so alive again. He hadn’t seen Dean for ten months and the last time he had seen him the kid had looked like death warmed up. He was also happy that Sam was recovery from whatever had happened to him, seeing the kid scared of him at that gas station had broken his heart. But now….Sam still wasn’t back to his old self but he was getting there and Bobby knew it was because Dean was there. As long as they had each other those boys could get through anything.
Dean held Sam as the kid whimpered and moaned in his sleep. He wished there was something else he could do for him but what? Sam needed to sleep, it seemed to help him get better but the nightmares weren’t fair. He kissed the top of Sam’s head, whispering softly to try and break him from the nightmare, relieved when it seemed to work and Sam slipped into a deeper, dreamless sleep. He stayed as he was for an hour to be sure and then shifted them around a bit so he was lying down as well. He held Sam close as he drifted off to sleep.
When Bobby checked on them he smiled to see them curled up together, fast asleep. He hated hearing Sam cries at night and had been researching for some way to help him but he’d found nothing other than some really, really black magic that would probably end up wiping everything from Sam, not just the nightmares. He knew the brothers, while Dean would do anything to help Sam having the kid not remember him would kill Dean and Sam would never agree to anything that would lead to him forgetting Dean, Bobby, Jess and John. Not to mention the price for the spell, the casters soul sent to hell upon death. He closed the door softly and headed back to his own room to sleep. Helping Sam readjust to being alive was tiring them all out but it was worth it to see the kids smile at each other, to hear Sam tease Dean even if the words were still broken.
Sam woke up first and tensed automatically before feeling Dean’s arms wrapped securely around him. He shifted slightly, burrowing even closer to his big brother, seeking the assurance that he was really back. He knew Dean wanted to know what had happened to him but even Sam wasn’t totally sure, he didn’t really remember anything between Jake killing him and then being in the store and calling Bobby for help. But he still had feelings of fear and pain, the longing for Dean, the knowledge that wherever he’d been it hadn’t been nice. Bobby and Dean were both sure that he was remembering in his nightmares and Sam was scared that he’d be able to remember when awake eventually. He knew Dean didn’t want to even think it but Sam wouldn’t be surprised to find he’d been in hell. He knew what he was; he didn’t deserve Heaven, not like Dean or Jess did.
Sam forced those thoughts aside and rolled over, ignoring the twinge from his feet as he did. His head felt clearer than it had since he’d come back and he was pretty sure he remembered his whole life now which was good. He was too nervous to try talking yet, he hated the way what he wanted to say came out broken most of the time and he didn’t want to wake Dean. He knew Dean was staying awake to try and help with his nightmares and it was taking a toll on him. Besides it was nice to just watch Dean sleeping peacefully. It wasn’t something he got to do much and Dean always looked so much younger and carefree when he was deeply asleep. Sam smiled and reached out to touch Dean’s cheek, smile widening when Dean leant into his touch even asleep. Watching him and seeing the sun had been up for a while Sam smiled. He couldn’t take Dean’s pain away but he could give him a good morning.
Sam moved in and gently kissed Dean’s lips, happy that still asleep Dean responded to the gentle pressure. He stayed there for a while before beginning to work his way down Dean’s neck. To protect his injured feet he shifted so they were off the bed so he couldn’t rub or hit them on anything. He made his way down Dean’s neck, kissing the tender skin as he went. Dean was starting to respond although he was still asleep. Sam gently pushed Dean’s t-shirt up once he was done with his neck and began his work on Dean’s chest. Dean moaned, his fists bunching in the sheets as his body tensed up and relaxed from the pleasure. Sam moved on, his hands slipping into Dean’s underwear to push it down. He smirked and then closed his mouth around his target. He heard Dean gasp, his hips arching a bit but Sam used a hand to hold them in place.
“Sammy?” Dean called and Sam looked up his body to see Dean staring down at him, green eyes wide with shock. Sam reached up and grabbed Dean’s hand, holding it as he continued his ‘work’.
“Sam……oh please….Sammy…” Dean mumbled and Sam smiled, happy to be helping Dean. It didn’t take long for Dean to come completely undone and then he was panting and tugging at Sam with the hand Sam was gripping. Sam made his way back up Dean’s body and Dean stared at him in shock and awe. Sam grinned and kissed him before hugging him, tugging Dean in so his head rested over Sam’s heart.
“Feel better?” Sam whispered and Dean laughed but nodded.
“You didn’t have t do that Sam.”
“I wanted to, love you Dean.” Sam answered, kissing the top of Dean’s head and Dean rolled over to look at him again.
“Love you too Sammy.” Dean answered, reaching up to trace Sam’s face and Sam smiled at him, kissing Dean’s fingers, making Dean smile again.
“What?” Sam asked curiously as Dean leant in to kiss him.
“Sam you’re…you’re really back now? You’re okay?” Dean asked shakily and Sam smiled, reaching out to gently cup Dean’s face.
“I’m here Dean, I’m okay now. I….I think it’s all back, guess we won’t really know unless we try and go over my entire life or something.” Sam admitted and Dean just stared at him. He couldn’t believe it; Sam was really, fully back now. Hearing Sam talk, without skipping or breaking up words, he hadn’t dared hope it would happen.
“Dean?” Sam called, worried and Dean wrapped his arms around him, hugging him tightly. Sam was surprised when he felt hot tears soak into his shirt but then he looked at it from Dean’s side. He’d been without Sam for how long? Sam couldn’t remember anyone actually telling him how long he’d been dead for. And wasn’t that just a weird thought? Anyway, Dean had been alone and then Bobby had called and Sam was back but…he could remember seeing Dean and not knowing who he was. He’d been scared as he stared at the man in the room but then he’d caught the gleam of Dean’s amulet and had staggered forward. It hadn’t been until he’d been in Dean’s arms, clutching the amulet that he had realised he knew him. The look on Dean’s face when he’d said his name, such relief, hope and love…….he knew Dean would have stuck by him even is Sam had never moved beyond that stage.
“It’s okay Dean, I’m here. I’m not leaving you ever again, I love you.” Sam whispered tenderly, cradling Dean close as his brother cried silently. Dean eventually pulled back, wiping angrily at his eyes. Sam just smiled at him and Dean looked away.
“It’s okay Dean, I have no idea what you’ve been through since I…I don’t even know how long it’s been and I’m so sorry for leaving you. I never wanted to.” Sam told him and Dean looked back at him, eyes wide.
“You don’t know…..a year, you were dead for a year Sam.” Dean admitted softly and Sam nodded, that made sense since other than the changes caused by grief and exhaustion Dean didn’t really look any different.
“I….I think, it feels like longer.” Sam admitted softly and Dean pulled him into his arms.
“What do you remember?” Dean asked hesitantly and Sam sighed, taking Dean’s hand in his to help remind himself it was over. Dean squeezed his hand and Sam smiled.
“I remember the diner and then waking up in Cold Oak, finding the others, Lily died first, then Andy and then Jake killed Ava. She had been the one to kill Lily and Andy. I tried to convince Jake we didn’t have to fight but he attacked me, eventually knocked him out and then I heard you. You came running in and…..I was just so relieved you were alive and happy you’d found me. I shouldn’t have turned my back on him but all I wanted was to get to you. Then there was the white hot sharp pain in my back. I heard you screaming but I couldn’t talk, could barely breath, felt you catch me, sort of. I could hear you but it was like being underwater. Tried so hard to tell you it was okay, that I loved you but I couldn’t. After that…..nothing, just…feelings and impressions really. I don’t even really remember getting to the gas station but I know I walked there from somewhere. Everything was all jumbled up, looking back I know it was your number I called first, the message kind of scared me. Then I called Bobby but I didn’t know who he was, I just knew he could help me. Even after he was there I didn’t recognise him for a while. After that things started clearing but after you came it sped up.” Sam explained, shaking slightly in Dean’s arms.
“I….wherever I was, I don’t think it was good Dean and that scares me so much.” He whispered and Dean hugged him even tighter.
“It’ll be okay Sammy, I’m just glad you’re back. We can figure everything else out later.” Dean told him and Sam nodded. Usually he’d disagree, say they needed to know now but for once he wanted to just lay back and enjoy his time with his family.
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Dean helped Sam walk slowly around the room. Sam’s feet were healing well but he was still weak and his back pained him on and off. Sam leant heavily on Dean but Dean didn’t mind, he would help Sam however he needed, just happy to have Sam back with him.
“You’re doing great Sammy.” Dean praised and Sam rolled his eyes but smiled at him as Dean lowered him to the chair. Sam winced and Dean lifted his foot, massaging gently. Sam sighed and relaxed back, enjoying the massage. “You are Sam.” Dean pushed and Sam nodded making Dean grin. He finished massaging Sam’s feet and then sat down, pulling Sam practically into his lap, Sam cuddling in. Sam had been even more touchy feely since coming back but after a year without him Dean didn’t care. He had Sam back, safe and alive; nothing else mattered as far as he was concerned.
“Sam sleeping again?” Bobby asked when Dean came down alone and he nodded. Sam was almost always asleep, Dean could only hope every time the kid fell asleep that this time he’d sleep without nightmares.
“Bobby I’m worried, his back still hurts on and off and how much he’s sleeping……”
“Dean, Sam was dead for a year. You said Sam told you it felt longer. It’s possible wherever he was time passes differently, he could have been gone for centuries or something. Just because he doesn’t consciously remember doesn’t mean his mind isn’t trying to deal with it. Give him time Dean, he’s improved so much since coming back.” Bobby answered and Dean sighed.
“I know. I just….I hate not being able to do anything.”
“Dean, Sam needs you to be here for him. And you are. There’s nothing more any of us can do for him at the moment.” Bobby assured him and Dean nodded only to jump to his feet as he heard Sam scream. Dean ran upstairs and gently gathered Sam in his arms, rocking him gently as he talked to him and slowly Sam settled down. Dean held Sam until he woke several hours later and Sam realised instantly what had happened.
“Sorry.” He whispered and Dean kissed him gently.
“You have nothing to be sorry for Sammy. It’s not your fault.” Dean promised and Sam snuggled in, making Dean smile and kiss him again. “How’s your back?”
“Not sore today.” Sam answered with a smile and Dean was relieved. The pain in Sam’s back varied from day to day and it was always nice when Sam had a day free of all back pain. His feet were healed at least and Sam had finally gotten the hang of walking again.
“Good.” Dean grinned and Sam moved a hand to pull him into a kiss.
Other than the wonderful wake up Sam had given him nearly a month ago they hadn’t done anything but kiss and touch a bit but Sam wanted more. He wanted Dean, he just knew if Dean would give in then things would be better. A part of his mind was still convinced this was all a dream, that the swirl of fear and loneliness was what was real. He needed Dean to help him banish that. So Sam rolled them so that Dean ended up putting his hands on the bed so that he wouldn’t end up lying on Sam.
“Sam?” Dean asked when they parted to breath and Sam just smiled at him, tugging at Dean to get him to move closer.
“Need you Dean.” Sam whispered before kissing him again. Dean moaned and thrust his tongue into Sam’s mouth, tracing it gently.
“Dean please, need this, need you.” Sam pleaded, unable to put into words what he really meant but Dean gave in anyway, letting his weight settle over Sam. Their kisses grew more heated as hands wandered over whatever flesh they could find, clothes slowly being discarded. Finally Dean pushed in as gently and slowly as he had their very first time together. It didn’t take long for them to be slumped on the bed, sweaty and sticky but both happier than they had been in a very long time. Dean pushed himself up to check n Sam but Sam just pulled him back down and kissed the top of his head, happy, tired and sore in a good way. The little voice in the back of his head that had been taunting him the whole time he’d been back was silenced, this was really real. He was home safe with Dean and nothing else mattered.
Dean sat with Sam in the waiting room; today they would get the results of all the scans and test Sam had been put through over the last three months. Hopefully they would finally learn why Sam was still suffering from pain in the area of the scar. When Sam was finally called Dean went in with him and they sat in front of the doctor who was looking over Sam’s results.
“So?” Dean finally asked and the doctor looked at them.
“The good news is the wound to your back is healed, the scar should slowly continue to improve in appearance over the next year or so. Rubbing vitamin E cream into the skin will help with that. The bad news is you have a damaged disc in your spine. Probably from the stabbing. How your doctor at the time missed it…..I can give you pain killers and anti-inflammatories to treat the symptoms.”
“You can’t fix it?” Dean demanded.
“That would require surgery. Frankly at the moment I don’t believe that’s the best option for you. Spinal surgery is always risky. We can see how you go on the medication and re-evaluate in six months.”
“Thank you doctor.” Sam took the scripts and they left. “I’m sorry Dean.” Sam muttered as they got into the Impala.
“Sorry for what Sammy?”
“I…..I can’t hunt and you’ve been staying with me. You…..you should start hunting again.” Sam told him and Dean sighed, pulling over so he could look at Sam.
“I don’t want to hunt without you Sam. I’m exactly where I want to be.” Dean told him firmly and Sam nodded slowly. Dean started driving again, stopping at a chemist to get Sam’s pills. They drove back to Bobby’s and Sam headed straight upstairs, leaving Dean to tell Bobby what the doctor had said.
He watched over the brothers, happy that Sam had adjusted to being alive and was doing well. He was sad he hadn’t left the young man in perfect health but he had used so much power retrieving his soul that he when he had brought the body back he had been unable to heal all of the damage done to his spine. He watched the brothers as they played together happily and smiled slightly. He had dulled Sam’s memories of Purgatory as much as he could; Sam did not deserve to be haunted by the vast nothingness and utter loneliness that had lasted for centuries. Sam had been all but insane when he had pulled him out so he’d tried to remove the memories, he was just glad that his mistake had fixed itself and Sam had regained his other memories. He might have enjoyed tormenting the two but he actual sort of liked the boys otherwise he wouldn’t have risked going after Sam that way. Once it would have been rather easy but these days…..he may be able to trick people into thinking he was a Pagan god but he was nowhere near the power levels he had been before leaving Heaven.
Interfering and stopping Dean from considering making a deal for Sam had been low but it had stopped certain plans. He hadn’t meant to leave Sam gone so long but something rather important had come up. Messing up his brothers plans was even more fun than messing with Sam and Dean after all. Now there was no reason for anyone to target the boys since they were out of the hunt. His work was done. Time to get back to giving deserving people their just deserts.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.