Not Into That. by voracity
Summary: Straight Avengers, Darcy Lewis centric. She basically has to find a real life when she makes a choice. Sometimes it's fun, sometimes it's not fun, sometimes it's not pretty.

Was named Unfinished Darcy Lewis story (to be named later)
Categories: Non Buffy/Angel Crossovers > Other Movie Characters: None
Genres: AU, Humor
Warnings: Angst, Character Bashing, Cute Kid, Het
Challenges: None
Series: None
Chapters: 17 Completed: Yes Word count: 349715 Read: 272079 Published: 2016.10.10 Updated: 2017.11.23
Story Notes:
Eventually it'll have a tiny bit of Jane bashing for her lack of adulting, and a cute kid. Not for a while actually. Some het, some mentioned femslash, mostly all fade to black so far. That might change later.

1. Part 1 by voracity

2. Part 2 by voracity

3. Part 3 by voracity

4. Part 4 by voracity

5. Part 5 by voracity

6. Part 6 by voracity

7. Part 7 by voracity

8. Part 8 by voracity

9. Part 9 by voracity

10. Part 10 by voracity

11. Part 11 by voracity

12. Part 12 by voracity

13. Part 13 by voracity

14. Part 14 by voracity

15. Part 15 by voracity

16. Part 16 by voracity

17. Part 17 by voracity

Part 1 by voracity
"I swore that I would never be the sort of parent that used a nanny," Darcy said, staring at her best friend and boss. Well, former best friend and boss. Because she was now done. "I personally think that parents that employ them are kinda pathetic at the whole parenting thing." She handed the kid she'd been told was now her job back. "Sorry, boss lady, but not my field of interest." She heard a gasp and glared at the person staring at them. "Yes? You wanted something?" she asked dryly.

"You're good at it," Stark said. He stared at her. "You take care of people."

"I may be good at taking care of people but I'm not the nanny. Nor am I going to be the nanny. Been nice knowing you guys but no. That's a parent's job."

"You've probably never met a kid raised by one," Stark said, glaring at her.

She stared at him for a minute then turned to face him better. "You'd be shocked considering your mother was my mother's bridesmaid at her wedding, Stark." He stepped back, almost flinching. "For that matter, your mom was my godmother. I've seen *plenty* of kids with nannies and then those same kids with their therapists years later. Sometimes only a few years later, sometimes many years later." She stared at him. "I realize you probably don't remember too much about the group around your house and all that. I figured it was trauma. You might want to look at the funeral pictures though since you were holding my hand when they lowered Aunt Maria's casket."

"There's no way."

Darcy sighed, looking up. "FRIDAY, would you please pull up pictures from that funeral?" she asked politely. "After the service, when they were lowering the caskets?" The tv lit up with a black and white photo. "Not that one, the uncut version. It should be in the LA Times archive." It was pulled up instead. She looked at Stark. He was gaping at the picture of a late teenage him and a young girl that was holding his hand. Basically she was keeping him from doing anything stupid. He recognized the people behind the little girl as someone he used to look up to. "Want me to be more definitive?" she asked dryly. She walked off and came back with a picture, handing it over. "At my mother's funeral." She stared at him.

He looked at it. There was him, a twenty-eight-year-old him. Fairly drunk and trying to calm a younger version of the very mad woman in front of him. "I..."

She took it back. "I figured it was trauma induced," she said dryly, staring at him. "Not that it's ever mattered to me. I know a lot more interesting people than you were as a teenager."

Stark blinked a few times. "Yeah, I was kind of shy back then when I wasn't drinking or in the lab." He blinked a few more times. "Why didn't you ever mention it?" he demanded.

"Why would I?" she asked. "Unlike what *some* people think I'm not a gold digger and I'm not here to curry favors," she said dryly, glaring at one person who had been watching them. Then back at Stark. "My only concern was Jane. Frankly, I figured you had drank it all away. I never intended to stay this long but Jane needed me." She tucked the picture under her arm. "You drove me batty back then and you still do. Always have. Probably always will reading about it in the papers. Thankfully I got to meet nice people thanks to my parents." She walked off. "Give me three hours to pack and find a mover. I'll be out of Jane's hair then."

"What happened?" Clint demanded, waving a hand a bit from the doorway he was standing in. "All we heard was Darcy had quit."

"Darcy said nannies are pathetic," Jane said, looking at her child. "I have no idea what to do about that."

"She's probably known enough of them to make a full study," Stark admitted. "I don't really remember her." He looked toward the hallway. "FRIDAY, pull up any mention of Darcy please."

"Your personal files don't mention anyone, Mr. Stark," the female voiced AI said patiently. "There's a few pictures of Miss Lewis at events." She put them up.

"Freeze that one," Stark said, squinting at it. "Enlarge it." It was enlarged. "That's my coming out party and she was in the background reading a book."

"I had finals the next day," Darcy said, tossing something from the hallway at Clint. "Your t-shirt I borrowed that night after the rain storm. Thanks for the lending." She walked off.

"You knew what we were talking about," Natasha said, stopping her by grabbing her arm.

Darcy looked at the hand on her then at the other woman. "Yeah. I speak three languages, Natasha. My school demanded. It was the last years of the cold war when I was in middle school and our headmistress had fantasies of rescuing ballet boys and gymnasts so we all took at least one semester of Russian." She stared at her. "I'm not stupid, dear. You assumed. Isn't that dangerous in your line of work?"

"Your background shows nothing of that," she sneered.

"And yet again, you assumed," she said dryly. "Any little bit of unraveling near Culver's records would've noted that I had to change my name on my records my first semester due to a death threat." She got free of her. "I went back to my maternal grandmother's name of Lewis. It was safer for me." She stared at her. Then she smiled. "I wouldn't have had to take that internship if I hadn't filed that sexual harassment claim against the chem teacher who sprayed me intentionally with something to eat all my clothes in the middle of class. I was warned taking any ever again would get me flunked." She shrugged. "So I took an internship instead."

"Why political science?" Stark asked, still staring at the pictures. "You were blonde then," he said, glaring at her.

"I darkened when I was about fifteen and the rest of puberty set in," she said with a wave at her body. "I was a dark blonde before then." She looked at Natasha again. "As for why poli sci? I thought about doing something socially meaningful. Then I realized it dealt with politics and I still hated investment banking even though I'm good at it. I'm more than happy to let Uncle David do that for me." She shrugged, grimacing some. "I was going for something better as my masters but I got sidetracked taking care of Jane because she's incapable of adulting on her own for some reason."

"I would've done just fine," she sneered.

Darcy snorted, looking at her. "You wouldn't be here right now, Jane. Do you remember the little thing that happened about six weeks after I got to New Mexico?" Jane went totally pale. "Yeah, that was me that drove you to the emergency room. Otherwise you would've died in your little lab on the floor until someone checked on you for the smell you were causing. You're welcome by the way." She looked at Stark again. "Oh, for fuck's sake," she muttered. "FRIDAY, get onto my laptop's system and find the picture of my coming out party please?"

"I don't have the authorization," the AI said.

"It's my computer," she said dryly. "Go ahead." The picture popped up on the tv. Clint snickered quietly in his seat. She looked at Stark. "You made a royal ass out of yourself that night. Thankfully, the only one that still had a crush on you was Melinda and that was mostly so she could try to charm Uncle Jarvis. She did put him on her holiday wish list every year until she was ten." He gaped at her, staring hard. She stared back. Then shrugged a bit. "It was. None of us wanted anything to do with your partying lifestyle by then."

"But..."

"Yeah, but..." she said dryly, smirking at him. "I'm actually a bit surprised you didn't recognize me. The pictures from London looked almost exactly like my yearbook one and you were our year's mentor so you had all our files to talk to us about important adult matters, like careers. You tried to talk Misty into being a mistress for someone but otherwise you didn't do too badly giving some realism about life sucking. I think you had a hangover though."

He glared. "I did not. It was a bad week."

"Sure. I had those too." She shrugged. "Anything else, Stark?"

"I want everything back I gave you."

She laughed. "What do you think you gave me, Stark?"

"I upped your taser."

"No you didn't." She pulled it out to show him. "Still the same tazer it was in New Mexico. You can check SHIELD's records since they had it for a while." He snatched it then tossed it back when he figured out she was right. She tucked it back into the holster. "Before you try to claim my phone or anything, I bought them myself. It's not even Stark gear. I may have a trust fund but my mother was practical. I'd never pay that much for a phone." She walked off. "The movers are coming in an hour. They're coming up the service elevator so they can't get near anything classified." She waved over her shoulder. "Laters. Nice knowing you all."

"Oh my god, she is just like Aunt Hannah," Stark muttered. He was shaking his head. "I should've seen that."

"Was her mother a scientist?" Clint asked.

"No. Her dad's a producer for tv shows. Her mom's ...well she comes from a banking family and I don't know what she did a lot of." He stomped off to talk to her. He glared from her doorway. "I remember your mom."

"A lot of people did and you gave a nice speech at her funeral," she said quietly, not looking at him as she threw clothes into a box. "Thank you for that and for lending us Jarvis to make sure we made it through the third bout of cancer." She glanced at him. "Otherwise Dad might not have made it." She closed the closet and moved to her drawers to toss those into another box.

"Your mother would be pissed that you threw that away."

"Actually, Mom agreed that nannies were the greatest problem that most kids had. It was the dichotomy of them being considered paid help but having control of them. Most kids couldn't wrap their minds around it effectively enough to get to the point of respect." She glanced at him again. "You didn't."

"I didn't," he agreed. "Jane's all but crying."

"I'm not her nanny. I never wanted to be her nanny. Never wanted to be any sort of nanny. If you're traveling a lot or you're having a lot of problems, someone like a nanny could be helpful. She's not having those issues. Jane's kid, Jane's problems to change diapers."

"Thor considers it a position of great respect."

"Of course he does," she said dryly. "He considers it a guard for the baby though." She turned to look at him. "I might like the big guy but I made it clear I was only an aunt. That's all I wanted to be. A sometimes babysitter for when they wanted a night together to do something but not more than that. I was getting kind of satisfied learning new things. I guess that should've been a clue." She went back to packing.

He looked around then at her. "You don't have any pictures of your mother?"

"On my bedside table." She pointed. "I'll get them into my messenger bag later so I can make sure they don't break."

"Are you going to a hotel?" he demanded.

She shrugged. "Maybe. Cindy's local and said I could have her spare bedroom last month. I haven't asked yet but I might just go straight to the next college. I've been taking some classes online at night so maybe I'll move near it." She shrugged again. "Might make it easier when I don't understand something."

"You didn't have to be such a bitch," he said. "Your mother would've been unhappy."

She laughed, looking at him, leaning on the dresser. "My mother would've clapped, Tony. If she had been able to she would've stood up and cheered with pompoms. She would've hated how co-dependent Jane and I were. She always thought I'd end up caring too much and I'd end up in a horrible predicament of a marriage that way. Proved her wrong on that point at least." She went back to packing.

"What about your stepmother?"

"What about her?" She grimaced, looking at him. "She was what my father needed to grieve with. I got that. It made me mad that he took up with a whore like her but I understood why after a few months. She made him focus on other things. And when she turned bad to my father I made sure she went down for things." She smiled slightly. "That DUI habit of hers ended rather abruptly at the hands of the CHP when I called on her. My father was livid but agreed she shouldn't be drunk driving. Then he got the Mastercard bill." She smiled slightly. "I pointed out I didn't buy new clothes or an apartment for a boyfriend." She went back to her packing. "Dad was sorry about her before all that messy stuff at least."

"I...I don't remember much about him at the end."

She nodded. "Dementia. The whore kept lacing his orange juice in the morning so she could be the sole heir. She did for over a year. By the time we figured out why he was so sick, she was already in jail. She's still in jail as far as I know." She looked at him. "I made sure Dad had somewhere he really wanted to be. He refused to let me cancel college to take care of him. Said he wanted a pretty nurse to flirt with. I found one that looked kinda like Mom and explained why," she said more quietly. "She understood and at the end, he was holding her hand and calling her by Mom's name. He took his last dose of pills and did that again then it was the end.

"I got the charming call right before a history test." She held in the sniffles. "Dad would probably hate me being sniffly over that. He considered it a reasonable solution when he was lucid. He had been talking about it for years so I knew it was coming. He couldn't take being sick. Told me once my mother was so strong because she could stand being that sick and surviving it twice." She grimaced and finished unloading her dresser. She folded the boxes closed and walked around him to get her books down. They went into the reusable shopping bags.

"I didn't hear a thing about that."

"Her poisoning him made gossip circles for a few days but after that everyone just felt really sorry for him." She grimaced again, carefully putting a few books into a bigger bag. "At the end, almost no one was there. I had him cremated and buried with Mom." She looked at him. "It's what he would've wanted."

"It is," he agreed. "You could've mentioned it, Darcy."

"Why? It's not something I intend to dwell in. I wasn't here to get favors, get a job from you, anything. Frankly, I figured if you didn't recognize me that was fine. Half of everyone doesn't. Thankfully not the attempted lothario I nearly got married off to thanks to the whore either."

"She tried to arrange a marriage?"

"Yeah. Not my thing. I had no idea about anything until they invited me to dinner one night." She gave him a pointed look. "He didn't like it either then he decided I was pretty and good enough for him after all," she said blandly. "I had a long shout at my father that night because he hadn't known. Thankfully the dude killed his actual first wife and is jail. He's still got my senior year picture in his cell from what I heard at the trial. He's blaming me for not taking him in so I could make him a better man." She rolled her eyes. "The cons are welcome to straighten him out for me because I didn't ever want that piece of shit."

Tony shook his head. "I think I remember something about that."

She shrugged. "It was a quick blip on the usual gossip circle." She finished packing her books and moved to her desk. "Here, these are Jane's notes I was transcribing last night while I babysat." She handed them to him. "That way she can't claim I took her work."

Tony glanced at it then at her. "You could smooth this over."

She straightened up to look at him. "I'm not the help, Tony. I've never been the help. I'll hopefully never be anyone's housekeeper. Frankly, I thought Jane was my friend. Turns out the whore was right, women aren't friendly to each other. When they are, they always want something." She went back to packing. Someone knocked. "Who is it?" she called, going to answer it.

"Acme movers," Steve Rogers said.

She opened the door, smiling at the movers. "Thanks, guys. Did you find me a good storage area?" They handed over the notes. She called them to arrange it and let the movers pack up everything. "Not the bed or the couch, that's originally here." They nodded, getting the rest. She packed the kitchen quickly and grabbed her messenger bag to put the important things in. Her meds, her pictures, and a few things like her laptop and phone. Then she smiled at Stark. "Nice catching up with you, Stark." She followed the movers out after their last trip, going to a hotel for the night while she figured out if she wanted to move near her newest college.

Stark went back upstairs. Thor was in a rage. He looked at the prince. "What did you expect?" he demanded. "To humans, being a nanny is worse than a lot of other jobs. It's a lot of work for very little benefit and a lot of heartache because the kid becomes yours instead of the parents' and you can't do anything about that because it's the job." Thor huffed. "To humans it's not a great job of great importance or even showing you like them. That's a job you hire for, not give to a friend."

"My friends would not have minded being the baby's guardian."

"Big difference between a guardian and a nanny," Stark said. "A nanny takes care of the baby most of the time so you're free to do things."

"I had one," Thor said, glaring at him.

"So did I. I liked her a lot more than I did my parents. I realized a few years after she got fired for treating me like a human with problems that I wasn't all that fair to her and wrote an apology letter." Thor slumped. "Darcy was your friend, Thor, not your maid. She was Jane's *science* assistant, not her nursemaid. Hell no she wouldn't do that."

"It's selfish of her," Jane said with a sniffle.

"She took plenty of care of you," Stark told her. "Always. Also, here." He handed them over. "The notes she had been working on." He walked off. "Not even you guys treat the housekeeper we have with respect. Darcy sure wasn't going to put up with that sort of thing. Her mother would've come back from the dead to beat her to death if she had. Even her gold digging stepmother might've done that from her jail cell." He went back to his lab to look things up.

Natasha was looking at Darcy's history. "We did miss the whole name change."

Clint shook his head. "No I didn't." She glared at him. He stared back. "I asked her once. She said it was still the same old thing only the problems were drugs instead of budweiser. Just as many unadjusted parents who needed a swift kick only they also had fancier cars and ways of using their kids as status symbols like their boats." He shifted, looking at Thor. "Did Darcy say she'd be doing more than babysitting now and then?"

"No," Thor admitted, thinking back. "Jane..."

"Assumed," Clint said with a nod. "A lot apparently." Jane glared at him. "By the way, the baby's overflowing and it's nasty." He pointed. Jane looked and groaned, taking the baby to change. He looked at Thor. "Would you have expected your mother's friends to be done that way?" he asked. Thor shook his head. "Then why do it to your friends?" He looked at Natasha again, who was scowling at her tablet. "Find something?" he asked.

"Her mother survived cancer twice then died the third bout."

Clint grimaced. "Strong woman. Most ones don't make it through a relapse."

Natasha looked at him. "She never mentioned she understood us."

"Why would she? You apparently didn't respect her. All the nasty comments behind her back about her outfits?"

"She was drawing attention on purpose."

"She's a normal young woman. They do that," he said. "That's how they get dates in the real world, Natasha. Not everything is baiting. Even you've had days when you dress up just because you want to be pretty." She stomped off. He waved at her back. He looked at Steve.

"I had no idea," he said. "I treated her nicely when we ran into each other or she did something nice like cook dinner after we've been on missions."

"I never heard anything said otherwise," Clint told him. "I don't think you're the problem here, Steve."

"No. How did he not recognize her?"

"Her hair is darker. Plus a lot of things he probably blocked out so he didn't have to think about it." Clint looked at Jane when she came back with a crying kid. He looked at Steve again. "We'll figure it out and if you want to become her penpal, go for it. She probably didn't want to lose all her former friends." Jane glared at him. "You two were chummy."

"Yeah. Thanks, Clint."

"Welcome." Steve walked off. He looked at Thor again. "I'll see if I can find her address for you if you want it," he said quietly.

Thor nodded. "Thank you, Clint."

"Welcome, big guy." He stood up to walk off so those two could have a talk. They really needed one. Though he'd bet real money that by that weekend there'd be an Asgardian nanny on site for the little guy.

***

Darcy looked up from getting her morning coffee the next morning, nodding politely at the man staring at her. "Do they know you're alive?" she asked.

"Maybe. I'm not sure yet." Director Phil Coulson crossed his arms over his chest to stare at her. "Miss Lewis."

"The dad act doesn't work on me, Coulson." She smiled as she took her cup to sip from. "Excellent. Thank you." She walked out, smiling at the irritated agent. "I had a great dad. Nothing like Howard was."

He followed her. "What happened?"

"I'm sure you've gotten the full story from Natasha," she said dryly. "Or Clint or Steve." She paused to look at him. "Or you've got cameras up in the tower."

"I do," he agreed. "I've heard it all. So what happened?"

"I'm not the help. Not that way." She took another drink. "I'm not the mousy little thing that some people wanted me to be and I never was. I speak my mind, I take care of my own business, and I do it like my parents taught me to." She stared at him until he nodded once. "As for right now, I'm considering if I'm moving to the college or not."

"You've been taking classes again?"

"Yes, for my masters," she said dryly.

"They stalled your paperwork for your internship."

"Phil, six science credit hours doesn't require four years," she said dryly. "And I called Culver after you guys left to tell them that SHIELD was now blocking my paperwork. My advisor told someone who told someone who called Jane to get a report on what I'd been doing for her. They agreed I had earned my hours." She took another long drink. "I didn't get to walk for graduation but I did get my degree."

"You never use it."

"How would you know? You didn't even realize Lewis wasn't my real last name." She walked off. "Have a nice life, Coulson."

He scowled a tiny bit, going to look at her files. Natasha had been inputting things all night. It was odd but then again they were talking about Darcy Lewis here. He called in Melinda May. "We have a former helper to Jane Foster out and about now since she walked off yesterday when ordered to become the nanny," he noted, staring at her.

"Good on Lewis. I thought she didn't have a backbone."

"Apparently we were very wrong about her. She was quietly handling things." He let her see the files on the young woman. "If we have to make contact, you're her handler."

"Is she an agent?" she asked dryly. "It worked with Skye but I'm doubting this one can do that."

"No, but Lewis does end up being friendly with a lot of people for reasons we don't understand."

"She's nurturing. Most of the agents and the avengers could use someone in their lives who gave a damn and listened when they needed to talk," she shot back. "It's not something we see enough of these days in some women."

"If you're sure," he said blandly. "Still, you're her contact. I'm fairly certain Thor's going to have a fit. The weather's been too pretty for hm to have had it already."

"Fine. I can work up protection strategies for her if she needs it." She walked off to do her own research into that young woman. The fact that the file had been updated yesterday with a header note saying that SHIELD had missed some important information meant it was one of the idiots she used to work with who had screwed up. When she saw who Darcy really was, she was amused. The girl wasn't weak. She wasn't mousy or just simply mouthy. She was a woman who knew what she wanted and knew how to change her mind to fit her later goals. She was only goofy when she was drinking or when it was a cover for her mind working. She could be an asset to them but not as an agent. She was too unpredictable.

***

Stark, who had been tracking Darcy around the city while looking her up for a real background check, because there were a whole lot of gaps in there for someone he used to know, spotted someone he didn't expect to. He paged Pepper, getting a text message that she was out of town for the day so was it really important. He sent back a no and paged someone else. He photo-captured from the city's camera system and looked back as Barton walked in. He was the least hot headed of the group outside of Bruce. "Look who I just spotted talking to Lewis about her decisions."

Barton stared then nodded once. "I'm going to fuck Fury up," he announced. "Then that one."

"Hey, it'll be team stress relief after earlier," Tony said dryly. "Bring him back here for that."

Clint just nodded and walked out to go back upstairs. "Natasha, Stark just found Phil alive."

She stiffened, looking over the edge of the tablet at him. "Excuse me?"

"He was talking to Darcy in a coffee shop up by Financial Row."

She put down the tablet and stood up. "Let us go find this wraith to see if he is indeed a ghoul." They walked out together. He wasn't that easy to track but she could hack the city's camera systems just as well and follow his SUV back to their originating point. They knew about that fallback base. That was very interesting. She looked at Clint. "Do we believe his death was a catalyst to HYDRA or do we believe he's in charge?"

"I can't imagine Phil Coulson being HYDRA," he admitted. "I was shocked at Sitwell and Grant but there's no way Coulson is."

She considered it then nodded. "Then we should only injure the other agents in there." He nodded, switching bullet loads to icers. They snuck in and clearly the new SHIELD was falling down on things since no one tried to stop them. They made it to the office and found one agent, Melinda May. Natasha shot her without remark then looked at the empty chair. They turned and found Coulson behind them. Clint smiled and shot him in the stomach, making him groan.

"Good, you do remember how often you nagged him to wear body armor," she said, shooting him in the upper shoulder area. He fell down this time. She and Clint carried him off blatantly. If any agents saw them, they ignored them very hard. They drove back to the tower, taking him upstairs to the common area. Steve was in there talking to Bucky on the phone. Steve paused, said I'll call back, just had a ghost show up, and hung up on his best friend. Natasha nodded at him. "Stark spotted him nagging Lewis earlier."

"Interesting. A bad choice but interesting. If he's supposedly dead he should probably stay out of the way of cameras."

"True," Clint agreed. "We would have. We all figured Stark was stressing about Lewis outing that she knew him when he was a little punk."


"Tony would be following her on the cameras to make sure she wasn't going to turn on us," Steve agreed with a nod. "Huh. Is he just unconscious?"

"I believe he's faking," Natasha said, dropping Coulson's feet onto the floor.

He winced and stood up with help from Clint. "I was not allowed to tell you. As I found out later, Fury's plot to send me out with a single problem handling team was May's idea."

Steve stared at him. "Do we know that agent?"

"His other protege," Clint said. "She got iced too. She'll probably be here tomorrow sometime." He looked at him. "May. Really?"

"I was ordered specifically not to tell you so I could be a backup plan. After DC, Nick put me in charge of SHIELD. I was his hidden ace." He stared at his two agents. "I wanted to tell you. I thought you may have heard gossip since I had been at the office more than once. Or that Melinda may have hinted at Natasha to irritate her for not being the chosen ones this time. Melinda's still working on her unreasonable irritation at Natasha." He straightened out his jacket. "You broke into my base."

"I'm going to break your jaw," Clint told him then smiled. "You more than deserve that."

"I do," he agreed. "I thought the news would have gotten back to you."

"Um, no," Clint said dryly. "All this time I thought I had gotten you killed." He stared him down. "You're going to pay for that."

Phil sighed but nodded. "I can see how I should, yes. I had no idea Nick didn't tell you."

"Fury, tell someone about his plots?" Stark snorted as he joined them. "Really?"

"He would tell agents if he thought it was important."

"Which he has never considered either of us, though we do some of the worst missions for SHIELD," Natasha said. "He has never considered us more than useful beasts of burden."

"I forgot," he admitted. "Before you ask, I was dead. Nick had some sort of alien serum that got injected into me. At one point in time I begged him to stop," he told her.

She grimaced. "I will pay him back for that later," she said quietly. "After we discuss things."

Phil took off his jacket. "We can hold any sort of discussion you want but I do need to tell the teams that I'm not actually kidnaped."

"Let's see how good they are," Stark quipped, sitting down. "We can talk after your kids there have had their talking time."

Coulson looked at Stark then at his agents. "I'm sorry."

Clint nodded. "You will be."

"We can't let you do that," a male voice said. Steve threw something at the guy, knocking him out.

"I guess a few are decent enough," Steve said dryly. "At least better than Rumlow was."

Natasha nodded. "It's not shocking that an agent so aggressive and bad at anything but aggression was picked by HYDRA." She stared at Coulson. Who walked off heading for the gym. They followed to talk to him. Stark went after them to get his time to talk too. Though he did take pictures to send to the team that wasn't there. Bruce could get mad somewhere else.

When Coulson got out of the infirmary the agents could talk to each other about how they'd never trust him again but they may be able to work together if it was that important. Their whole team could join on that talk. With Pepper because she was great and deadly in her own right.

***

A few months later, Stark opened up an email, staring at it. "A person I should check out because he's redone some of my work?" he demanded. He ran the video from Lewis, watching it with a frown. "That's not...oh, that is." He magnified it. "It's cobbled together but he did rebuild that one. Crap." He looked the kid up. Maybe he could hire him to keep him out of bad hands. Another one came in from Lewis about the strange thing at her college, which turned out was a wormhole and did he want her to report it to SHIELD instead? He considered it then told her to report it to them unless aliens were coming through. She sent him video of it. Alien ants. Really large alien ants. "Interesting." He sent that video on and told her to report it. She did that with one line about a villain being at the college teaching of all things and then signed off. He checked on that as well. "Great. How does she find those people?" he muttered.

Maria Hill, who used to be SHIELD, and really was still SHIELD in hiding, walked into his lab. "I got told Lewis sent you an email?"

"A genius kid that I need to look into and a portal that was spilling alien ants, plus a villain teaching english." He let her see them.

She grimaced. "Why didn't she report the portal?"

"To who?" he snorted. "Not like SHIELD's still around and if it was, they probably wouldn't listen to her since she left Jane's clingy side." He looked at her when she groaned. "I just wonder how she suddenly started to draw that sort of thing. She never used to."

"So you do remember her?" she asked. "The files on her say you didn't."

"I don't remember much of those years, Hill. I do remember a few events and I've checked with my personal journals. I mentioned her a few times and I do remember her mom, who was my godmother." She winced. "Let me guess, they tried to say something about it?"

"Yes."

"Well, the jealous bitches can suck it," he said, getting back to his present schematic. "I don't know what Romanoff's problem was with Lewis but I don't care either. Women are creepily mysterious most of the time and she's worse than most at it."

Hill walked off shaking her head to correct those files. Someone needed to clean things up again. It had been Lewis' job to keep down the messes but now they were having to be responsible adults. She heard the baby crying and went to look. The human nanny, the Asgardian one wasn't available for a year, wasn't anywhere in sight. She checked with security. She had left for the afternoon for a doctor's appointment. She went to check on Jane, who was in her lab. "Doctor Foster?" Jane glared at her for daring to interrupt her work. "Your nanny left for a doctor's appointment two hours ago. Where's your spouse? The baby's awake."

"I...what? That's tomorrow."

"It's today," she said. "I checked with security. We gave her a ride since one of us was heading that way on his way home." She pulled up the footage. Clint was in there calming the baby down. She looked at Jane. "I was going to find Thor to let him know since you're apparently busy."

Jane got up and huffed off. "I never get any work done."

"I'm sure you don't," she agreed, going back to her office to log in that event. She called Clint down to protect him. He leaned in a minute later. "She yelling?"

"Yeah. I handed the baby to Steve when she yelled at her for being awake and not watched over." He leaned on the door. "How much longer?"

"No clue," she admitted. "The Asgardian one won't be here for at least a few more months." She stared at him. "Is the baby all right?"

"So far. Or else I would've probably shot someone with an arrow up the ass." He walked off. "Thanks for the saving in case of screaming, Hill."

"Hold on." He came back. She printed the emails from Stark's account. "Look into him for Stark, he's doing a background check so far. The villain is teaching english and the alien ants someone has to deal with."

He looked them over, snorting but looking amused. "Great." He walked off to start that, handing Steve the alien ants email.

"That's charming," Steve decided, looking at the baby on his shoulder. "Should we respond?"

"Don't know. Hill sent them. Stark's email back said to report it."

He put it down beside him and pulled over a communal tablet to look up that college. It was presently under quarantine. "The FBI has it."

"I'm sure they're great at it," Clint shot back. "Quarantine?"

"Yes. Flame throwers too." He looked at the news, then at the baby. "You're sleeping. That's sweet." He carefully laid her down beside him on the couch, getting back to the possible problem going on.

Clint handed over the villain email. "He's hovering over his son without him knowing. Apparently the kid doesn't know he's his."

Steve looked then at him. "How does one college draw all this?"

"No idea," Clint said with a grin. "At least he's not causing problems until he catches his kid at a frat party."

"We can put him on a watch list," Steve said, shaking his head. The baby fussed and stretched but stayed asleep. "That's good, sweetheart. You nap."

"The nanny had a doctor's appointment," Clint said quietly.

"I heard. I was out here when she was yelling."

"So?"

"No idea," he admitted, looking at Clint. "Really."

"Do you want to tell anyone?"

"No." He shook his head. "They can handle it." Clint nodded, leaving it there. Steve went back to watching the news about those ants. Natasha came in and paused. "Portal spilling out alien ants. A history major already said it was less cool than the elves London had." He looked at her. She was staring at the baby. "The nanny has a doctor's appointment."

"It's nice you babysit."

"I don't but Jane was working and forgot."

She rolled her eyes but nodded. "Interesting. Lewis is still wearing a scarf. Is that a bruise?" she asked, staring at the girl walking across the campus talking to a few young women.

"Yeah," Steve said. You could see it under her t-shirt's sleeve. "I wonder what happened." He looked up the publically available police reports and nodded, letting her see one. "She protected herself and a few others."

Natasha read it, grimacing. "That was stupid. She didn't have any weapons."

"Sometimes that doesn't matter," Steve said. "The outcome could've been a lot worse."

"Point." She handed the tablet back to him. "Anything good?" He handed over that villain email. "Why?" she asked.

"His unacknowledged son is there." He grinned at her. "He's hovering."

"Charming! Just what college students need." She walked off with a huff. She decided to write Darcy an email about her lack of self defense training, still. Darcy's email back wasn't as friendly.

//Thank you for the critique of my defense of three vulnerable young women and myself. The alternative however would've been much worse when they were raped and killed and so was I. I'll keep that in mind for later assaults on our residence hall by armed frat boys who were too drunk to do more than slur and decide to do a semi-pagan sacrificial rite in the tower square. You have a great day as well, Natasha.//

Natasha winced. That was not happy to hear. She wrote back one that she was proud she had managed to save those vulnerable young women and she'd help them find a good self defense class down there if she wanted. The answer back of 'we've all had one and that's how I defeated the drunk frat boys' was fine she supposed. You had to take what you could get. She looked up those reports. The boys were still living, it was a pity. They weren't happy and one was already out on bail. Then again, his father was a senator.

Maybe someone should have a talk with his father. Though it looked like Darcy had sent a reporter that story since there was a news bit from the day before about a local reporter badgering said senator about his son's problems and attempted assaults. The senator finally quit telling her to go away and told her that those girls were making up stories. She handed him the police report, making him wince. The fact that one young woman had been horribly tortured before being saved didn't make him happy either. Pity.

***

Stark showed up at that college a few days later, nodding at a teacher. "I'm here to look for my protege," he said at the stares he was getting.

"He's locked in a lab trying to avoid the swat team," a teacher said. "Would you know why, Mr. Stark?"

"No." He headed toward where the labs were. "Guys, can I help?" he offered when he ran into the cops.

"There's a suicidal student," one of the officers said without looking.

"Mr. Stark," another one said, blinking at him. "He's got someone in there with him but we're not sure what's going on."

"Let me go talk to him. There's a thing about science that can drive us nuts." He walked around them. "This room?"

"Next on the right," the lead officer said. "Do you have a shield or something on, sir? He could be dangerous."

Stark looked at him. "I doubt he's dangerous to me, guys. I'm his science idol." He knocked then walked in. "Hey." He looked at the 'other student'. "Couldn't stay away from scientists going nuts?" he joked.

"Not likely. It was my shift at the college suicide hotline." She was cuddling the poor guy. "He somehow hooked his mind into a computer. He's in horrified shock. We were just talking about calling someone bigger in science to help him with the problems he found."

"I've seen that sort of problem. It's overload." He came over to poke the kid on the arm. "Hi. You wrote to me."

"Mr...Mr. Stark," he stuttered, sitting up. He pushed his hair back. "I don't know what happened."

"We can look it over." He helped him up. "Science drives us nuts and thankfully you ran into someone who has experience in that." He hauled Darcy up when she started to climb. He looked at her. "What the fuck, Lewis?"

"I didn't take the time to put makeup on, Stark." She rubbed a bruise on her cheek. "Some frat boys decided to become ancient pagans so they were going to sacrifice people." She walked around them, staring at the kid. She wrote down her number. "You call me if you need me. All right?" The guy nodded. "Good." She patted him on the cheek. "You're a great guy and going to be a good scientist. Learn from Stark. Not all the lessons are in science but a lot are useful. Okay?" He nodded. She smiled at him. "Good. I'll tell the officers you're okay." She handed Tony the gun the kid had. He nodded so she left. She paused by the officers. "He's all right. He's not in shock anymore. Stark has him talking about what happened."

"His gun?" the lead officer demanded.

"I left it with Stark. He knows how some unexpected things can drive you nuts." She shifted her weight. "He managed to plug himself into the internet so his mind went for a trip without warning." The officers all winced. "He's okay now and I had him calmed down before Stark got here. He was mostly in shock. That's why he called the suicide line."

"Thank you. Should I ask about the bruises, ma'am?"

She snorted. "I'm the one that was helping remove the frat boys the other night."

"They've vowed to kill you before you can testify," one said quietly.

Darcy smiled and patted him on the arm. "Yay. I've had Dark Elves do the same thing. Frankly, I worry more about them than I do some pissy little senator's son. Because I'll gladly help ruin him." She grinned. "I am not who he wants to screw with. Now if you'll excuse me, I didn't take the time to put on makeup and I have honors sociology later." She walked off after filling out the form the officer handed her. "Have a safe and better day, guys."

"Thank you, ma'am," one of them said. "You too."

***

Darcy looked at the judge a few days later. "Your Honor, there's a problem with your summons to testify in the preliminary trial," she said, handing over a form. "I got my name non-legally changed Darcy Lewis due to a death threat. That is not my natural name."

He looked at the form, humming. "That's nice, dear. I can backdate one in your actual name. Thank you for notifying this court of that." He handed it to his stenographer. "Please swear in."

She moved to the stand, putting her hand on the bible. "Say your name please," the bailiff said.

"I am Darcy Maria Annabella DeCriths," she said. "I swear to tell the whole truth, so help me God."

The judge nodded so she sat down. The prosecutor stood up to look at her. "Miss...DeCriths, why were you at a dormitory? You're a bit above the usual college age."

"I'm rooming this semester while I figure out if I want to continue to take in person classes or online ones as I started taking," she said. "I'm the fill in residence hall advisor for the second floor and a graduate student."

"That's nice. Gives you a break on tuition?"

"I turned that down. I don't need it," Darcy said with a smile. "The girls do need someone to watch out for them though. I remember doing my undergrad and how great my RA was when I needed a shoulder."

"Interesting. Where were you when the fire alarm was pulled?"

"The fire alarm wasn't pulled until very late that night, sir."

"Just answer the question."

"The just-after-3am fire alarm meant I was in front of my computer on facebook updating a few friends I met in London about my studies and a guy I had seen earlier that night for a first date."

"That's very late."

"No one gets up for early classes unless they have to," she said with a smile. "I only have longer afternoon classes and the girls don't usually need me before nine. I was about to head to bed when that unkind fire alarm was pulled."

"That fire alarm had nothing to do with the problem earlier that night?" the prosecutor asked.

"No, it had nothing to do with the assault earlier in the evening. The fire alarm was on the third floor east and it was due to a girl having flashbacks and shrieking. She ran into it and her nightgown got caught according to the hall's security cameras. All the hall's advisors were in to watch it the next morning to go over the earlier incident."

"They had a meeting?" he demanded, looking concerned.

"Yes. So we knew how to handle it in case they came back," she said dryly. "Which one of their buddies tried the next night. Thankfully the girl he ran into was on her way back from a friendly softball game and got him with a bat when she saw his shotgun and machete."

"Strike that," the defense attorney demanded. "That's not relevant."

Darcy looked at him. "It wasn't your client that did it. He was still in jail," she said dryly.

The judge cleared his throat. "We are instructing the jury to ignore that statement about the bat. That is not in evidence yet." He looked at Darcy. "Are you militant, Miss?"

She smiled. "Only in my own safety and those that depend on me for it. Frankly, I should've killed them for that attempt." He shuddered, shifting away from her. She looked at the prosecutor again.

"Did you harm them, Miss DeCriths?"

"Who?" she asked. "Please be more specific."

"The boys who broke in while drunk."

"Did I harm them? Yup, I sure did," she said with a smile. "And I made sure they were going to consider it much harder the next time they tried something like that."

"Were you aware they could charge you?" he asked with a smile.

"Of course they could but I was acting in self defense. Beyond that, I'll take that charge. It's important enough to do time for it." He flinched back.

"Miss DeCriths," the prosecutor said. "What were you doing between your undergrad and now?"

"I was doing an internship with an astrophysicist."

"You were in London when they had that invasion?" he asked casually.

"Yes, I was. I was at that college even." She had to admit to it, it had been on international news broadcasts.

He blinked a few times. "I hadn't looked at more than summary news reports," he admitted. "Are you trained in defensive actions?"

"No. I just know what I have to do when I have to do it. It's not real hard to figure out you gotta stop the guy who's trying to kill you and rape you."

"Strike that!" the defense attorney demanded.

The judge looked at him. "That is one of the charges," he noted. He looked at her. "Be less reactionary please."

"Your honor, my webcam was on," she said dryly. "I was taping a video about the date." He groaned. "Two of them stated they were going to rape us all then kill us horribly so he'd get on Dateline. There were only three on my floor and then I helped clear the lobby of the other one down there. The two up on three got handled by a member of the judo club. It's not reactionary if it's true and they said that's what they're going to do."

"Still, this is not the time for that," the judge noted.

"Sure, I get that." She looked at the prosecutor again. "I believe it's still your turn," she said when he stared at her.

"You were involved in a gun on campus incident a few days back," he said with a mean smirk.

"Yes, I was helping a suicidal student calm down in the science hall. I'm on the hotline because I do have experience in how bad college can hurt you."

"You're what?" he demanded.

"I'm on the hotline for suicidal students to call when they need help," she said. "It's a good thing and good for the kids."

"You're not that much older."

"No, but I've had more life experience than some kid who's fresh from a small town."

"I see. You went to London we heard." She nodded. "Can you prove that?"

She pulled out her phone, turned it on, and pulled up the pictures. She held one up. "There I am in front of the changing of the guards." She smiled. "It's dated."

"You could've taken that in front of that place in Las Vegas," he said smugly.

She changed pictures. "Here I am in front of the Natural History Museum in London." She held it up. "Again, dated because it's a selfie. That one's also on my facebook page because I was having a great hair day." He snatched the phone to look at then grimaced and tossed it back at her, stomping back to his seat. "Do you want to see the ones I took when we went to Wales? The ones from Scotland are a bit more rural setting so nothing identifying. We also had a weekend in Paris and I have one picture somewhere on here of us there."

"No," he said, glaring at her. She turned off her phone and put it back into her purse. "Do you think those boys won't come back for you?"

"I think they'd be stupid if they tried," she said dryly. "I think they realize that. Even if I was warned one made a threat against my life. They now know I have a tazer and know how to use it. They also know that I have a few other sneaky things I can use against them." She smiled slightly. "I'm not the easiest prey, sir. I'm not the hardest, but I'm not an easy prey to hunt and hurt."

"Yet you're bruised."

"Yes, I fought off three guys who were bigger than me with weapons. I think most everyone would be bruised. Even heros would probably have a few."

He snorted. "Most of them are made up stories," he said dryly. She shrugged. "Do you believe them?"

"I was in New York for the last three years. I ran into a few at coffee shops."

"Oh." He grimaced. "It's nice you have heros to look up to," he sneered.

She shrugged. "I have many." She smiled. "Including a supreme court justice."

He rolled his eyes. "Are you a law student, Miss DeCriths?"

"No. My present major is public policy. My undergrad was in political science."

"Oh, I see." He sneered. "So you're going to work at McDonald's then?"

"No but I may start a charity some day."

He shook his head. "I've had enough," he decided.

The defense attorney stood up. "Miss DeCriths, why did you change your name?"

"I use my maternal grandmother's name due to a death threat during my first year at Culver. I used it since then just in case the bitch tried something. She's still in jail for poisoning my father but you never know who she might meet in there. Jails are often recruiting space for more horrible crimes."

He blinked at her. "That's an urban fantasy."

"Tell that to the two attempted murderers they caught in New York after someone they served time with paid them to kill someone for him," she shot back. "Or the two that came after me but were stopped. Thankfully Culver had agents on hand in those days and they stopped both knife attacks."

"Oh." He blinked at his client then at her. "So you go by your maternal grandmother's maiden name?"

"Yes."

"Do your parents mind?"

"My mother died of cancer when I was fourteen," she said firmly but quietly. "My father died due to the dementia the poisoning gave him and he decided he couldn't take it any longer. It saved him another two years of suffering according to the doctors. His mind was at the place where he didn't recognize what a dog was, much less who he was." The attorney shuddered, shrinking away from her. "I believe both of my parents would mostly be proud of how I lived my life. They might not have liked how much I partied now and then but they would've said I was young and stupid and best to get it out of the way then." She smiled slightly. "I have no doubt my mother would've paid to have my name fully changed and me hidden from that problem if she had been alive."

"Who was that threat?" he asked.

"My stepmother. My father needed a reason to go on and a focus in his life that wasn't his grief before he followed her into the afterlife. He found one but she was a whore." She smirked a tiny bit. "I didn't do more than dislike her until I found out she was poisoning him."

"What if you come face-to-face with her?" he asked smugly.

She smirked back. "She's not due out until I'm sixty something, if she makes it that long. If they let the whore out, I'll gladly be there waiting on her. She had better not try to come near a single person I know. And everyone who knows me knows that. I got three different letters from former friends when they moved her trial date so I'm pretty sure I'll be told if she gets out by some act of some stupid politician."

"Oh." He grimaced. "Are you trained in defense?"

She smiled a tiny bit. "That was already asked but no, I'm not formally trained. I have taken a few boxing classes and the like."

"Then how did you bring down those hypothetical assailants?"

"Well, one I got with the door because he opened mine. Apparently he heard me talking to my webcam. One I got with his machete. Then I threw him out a window. The first one I pulled to the stairs and threw him down them with some help. The third one I ran after to pounce into a wall, giving myself a slight bruise on the forehead." She pointed at it. "Then I threw him out the window and incidentally onto their started fire. I didn't intend that landing spot but hey, it helped." She smiled. "Then I ran down to help after telling my girls to lock themselves in their rooms while calling to check on their buddies who hadn't been bothered.

"Thankfully it was a long weekend so a few of the girls had gone home. We only had ten of the sixteen on my floor in residence that night and only three awake. After making it down to the first floor, I kicked one of them as I came off the stairs in a cool move I learned off a movie. He got knocked into a fire extinguisher. I used my tazer on him because he tried to get back up. Then we shoved him outside while the head of the residence hall called 911 and we did a head check. They tried to get back in as the police were pulling up so we had to defend the doorway against them. The nice officers pulled me off one I was going to maim for life."

"Was my client there?"

She looked then nodded. "Yes. He was the guy I threw down the stairs." She pointed. "That one behind him is the one that I tased." She looked at him. "I don't see the third one right off."

"Thank you. No further questions." He looked at the prosecutor.

The prosecutor looked at her. "Why do you have a tazer?"

"Because being a woman in today's world is dangerous," she said bluntly. "Plenty of men think that pretty girls are ownable and want to be petted even if we say no. I've only had to use it a few times but a few more were scared off by the note that I was going to introduce them if they didn't scurry off like the unbathed rats they were."

"You got it in New York?"

"I got it in my undergrad," she said dryly. "Culver's in lower Virginia. We had plenty of trips to DC and the like."

"Oh." He sat down. "No further questions."

"You may go," the judge said. "I'll make sure any future summons have your correct name, dear."

She smiled at him. "Thank you, Your Honor, but please no pet names." She picked up her purse and walked off. She smiled at the residence hall director waiting to testify. "Maybe I should run for office."

She laughed. "You'd hate the politics, Darcy."

"Probably," she agreed. She sat down. "They're both pushy toward them being boys," she said quietly.

"Of course they are. They're guys," she agreed. "Most of them are like that." She patted her on the hand. "Go back to the dorm. You got tests too."

"Oh, I know," she said dryly. "Thankfully this gave me an extension on one test." She headed down to her car, going back to the campus. She found an officer outside the dorm, pausing to stare at him. "Huge problems? I'm one of the RA's," she said with a smile.

"Are you Miss Lewis?"

"Yes."

"You have illegal weapons on campus, ma'am."

She pulled out her wallet and held up a small card. "I have the original upstairs, Officer. Would you like to see it?"

He took the card to read, grimacing. "I did not know that."

"It's on file with the college." She smiled. "You can come up to my room to see it." She walked inside and took the stairs, smiling at the girls staring from the hallway. "Did they do a general search?" They shook their heads. "They didn't know I have permission for my tazer."

"That's because some of them think women should be helplessly crying when things happen," one of the girls said. "I wasn't that sort when the village I was working in got raided. I'm not now."

"Long live the Peace Corps, sister," Darcy said, high-fiving her. "I'm not that way either." She walked in and the officer in there sneered. "I didn't know you needed to rip apart my underwear to search for a tazer. It's not that small," she said dryly. "But let me take pictures." She smirked at him then at the campus officer. "You have the letter on file."

"We got told to ignore it, miss," the campus officer said quietly.

"I'm well aware one of the attempted rapists has a daddy that has power. He's really gonna hate me since I'm worth more than he is." She smiled sweetly. The campus officer shuddered. She pulled out her copy of the letter. "The original's in a safety deposit box with the one from the FBI." She handed that one over as well.

The officers looked, one glaring at her. "How did you get this?"

"I had a prior death threat," she said bluntly. "I was also helping defend against the Dark Elves in London. It was caught on the news," she said dryly. "Some of us aren't damsels." She pulled out her tazer and handed it to the campus officer. "You can examine it for alterations that would make it illegal. They're not illegal in this state. I also carry pepper spray." She pulled it up to hold up. "Did you need to check it too?"

A few of the girls outside laughed at that. "A girl's gotta protect herself from leeches who think with their dicks." A few more laughed. "Not like you guys are all that fast. Your office is five minutes from here and it took you nearly thirty to answer when we needed you. How nice that was." The main officer pulled out his cuffs. "You do that," she said, holding out her wrists. "We can argue about it in front of a judge."

An agent walked in. "Miss Lewis."

She smiled. "I am. Why did you show up?" she asked.

"Because the director wanted me to since this blew open your original identity."

"Yes but nothing of my past few years has come out beyond London, which was on the news."

"Fine." She looked at the officers, holding up her official ID. "Give them back, leave her alone." They handed them back and the campus officer was backing away slowly. "Yes, that senator is having a problem."

"Yes he is," Darcy agreed happily. "Including that I've put out that attack on all the progressive and liberal media sites. Especially how he got bail when others didn't." She smiled at the campus officer, patting him on the arm. "I know college's live on grants and they probably threatened it. I don't blame you." He nodded, hurrying off. She stared at the police officer.

"I can be evil," she said finally when he was still glaring. "I can be so evil. I can destroy whole lots of people being evil. Hell, I can make Loki purr in happiness at the evil." Agent Melinda May shuddered. "But I'm trying not to be. I'm being a nice, normal young woman who's finishing her masters degree. Then I'll probably go work with charities. Until then...you have a great, safe day and I hope like hell you never have to answer another call like we had here that night." He huffed off. She glared at the agent, kicking her door shut. "Way to blow my cover of being normal," she said quietly.

"You did that on the stand."

"No one on this coast probably knows a thing about my parents."

"Outside agents," she corrected.

"Even they didn't. Natasha called me a gold digger to my face in Russian more than once. She didn't realize I spoke it slightly."

"Oh, damn it," Melinda muttered. "Coulson's worried."

"I'm fine. If they show up here I'll be mean. I'll channel Banner and be extra super mean." She smiled. "I've got to protect the girls."

"They could use it. The senator's son hired some thugs earlier."

She nodded. "Let me call up a bodyguard then." She did that, she had one she knew about. They'd send someone over in about an hour. She hung up. "An hour."

"I can pause." She stared at her. "You didn't have to tell them about the name thing."

"I did or they could've thrown out my testimony upon appeal."

"Point I suppose." She grimaced. "Your stepmother's still in jail."

"I know. I have someone who gives me reports each year." She sat down at her desk. "Open the door?" She did that. "Now relax for a bit while I take pictures of the mess then clean it up." She did that and made copies on her computer, sending them to someone. That someone was her lawyer, who was more than happy to sue people. Though she didn't blame the college. They had to worry about money.

Melinda watched it, smiling some. "Vindictive looks good on you."

"Thank you." She grinned. "Sometimes I have to be a mean girl." She looked out in the hallway at a squeal. "Did someone see a mouse?" she called.

"Oh my god, it's an Avenger!" one of them shouted. "He's on campus!"

"He's recruiting someone," Melinda called. She looked at Darcy. "Barton. I saw him when I parked."

"He's good at recruiting. He's got a finely tuned bullshit monitor." She grinned. "If he wants to see me he'll pop off a text message or something."

"True. You are hiding."

"Yes I am. How's Jane's spawn?"

"Better. They fired the first nanny for daring to have a doctor's appointment. She tried to sue but Stark paid her off." Darcy rolled her eyes. "He was really generous and it came before the lawsuit got filed. Their new one is a bit...strong willed. Like a German shotput thrower is." Darcy giggled a bit. "Thor doesn't like her much."

"Sorry but I'm not a nanny."

"No you're not." She cleared her throat. "I have the feeling if something happens you're the stepmom though."

Darcy grimaced. "I'm not sure how I feel about that. I really wish Jane would name someone else. I'd love the little one. She's sweet and loving, I adore her, but I'm not ready for momhood yet."

"Hopefully it won't happen soon," she said. She looked outside at the new squeal. "They're happy girls."

"That's a great thing," Darcy said with a smile. "Happy and normal and ready to become full women who maybe do good things."

"It is a goal," she agreed. Someone knocked then leaned in. "Barton," she said with a nod.

"May. I saw the official SUV. What's happened?"

"Death threat," Darcy said. "Same punks that tried to break in here. One's daddy is a senator." She grinned. "He tried to get them to rescind my tazer authority. Then again, the prosecutor was of the opinion that they're *boys*."

Clint grimaced, shaking his head. "No, they're psychos."

She grinned. "Definitely. Want a seat?" She pointed. "I have a few."

"Why are you on campus?"

"Lack of housing," she admitted. He came in to sit down. "The nearest good one I could find, meaning had no bugs or rats, was about an hour away. The few that were nice enough but in the middle of nowhere I'd never be able to get to class some days and the grocery store was even farther." She looked around then at him. "I might switch back to online classes again."

"The girls would probably miss you," Clint said. "We do. Bruce gave us food poisoning."

She batted him on the arm with a grin. "That happens even when I cook."

"Yeah but you warn us it didn't turn out right. He didn't." She laughed. He nudged her knee with his. "Natasha's sorry."

"That she got caught being bitchy or that she misjudged me?" she asked. "Or that she didn't look?"

"Mostly, that she didn't look so misjudged you."

Darcy nodded. "That's fine. I expect to be underappreciated. Especially since I was just a science intern. Thankfully I took out the one that wasn't just a science intern back in London."

"We heard." He stared at her. "No one told Jane."

"No, I didn't feel like telling Jane." She shrugged. "She didn't need to know that."

"Fine." He looked around then at her. "Bit messy."

"The senator's trying to rescind my tazer rights." She grinned. "So they did a search. I sent pictures to my lawyer."

"That's sweet of you," he said dryly. "Did you have to admit to your real name?"

"Yup and the prosecutor didn't recognize it. Or the judge."

"That's good at least." He knee nudged her again. "Are you satisfied here?"

"Not fully but it's cool. I'm too old to party and all that stuff. So this is me growing up a bit more into a mature career focused sort of woman." She shrugged with a grimace. "It happens and I'll handle it."

"Good. It's good that you're okay," he said. "You could write."

"I have." She smiled. "Twice."

"I didn't get those. I'll have to see why." He stared at her. "Some of us miss you."

"I miss you too, Clint. You were always fun to hang out with. You and Steve both." She patted him on the wrist. "I just couldn't take being the help anymore."

"I get that," he promised, putting a hand over hers. "Barnes is MIA."

She winced. "Is he okay?"

"Not sure. He may have had a super flashback and lost it."

"Okay, well if he comes here, I'll call."

"Thanks, kiddo." He kissed her on the head. "Send me cookies?"

"When I'm sure you'll get them." He smirked and winked, heading out to talk to the girls who were waiting on him. They had all sorts of questions but only a few about how he knew Darcy.

She looked at Melinda. "Stark?" she guessed quietly.

"I'm pretty sure it's Romanoff," she admitted.

"Huh." She nodded. "That's fine." She leaned out at the sudden quietness. "If that's my bodyguard, ladies, let him in."

"No, it's not," Clint called. He closed the door and they could hear a fight.

Darcy came out to look then pulled off her shoe to hit the guy on the head. He yelped and went down to Clint hitting him. She dropped the shoe and stepped back into it, wiggling her foot some. She looked at him. "Unlike many young women, I'm not helpless."

"You're nothing," he sneered.

Darcy smiled. "Actually, I'm not. Trust fund kid I might give you but not worthless." She smirked. "You have no idea who I actually am." He was staring in horrified awe. "Yeah, you stumbled into something huge." She walked off. "Ladies, let's let the senator be arrested for bringing weapons onto the floor," she said, making shooing motions. "The cops will be here in a minute. Those of you taking pictures make sure it hits media sites so they can share it everywhere on the web." They started to take film and pictures if they weren't. When the cops showed up magically all those phones disappeared into pockets.

"You're an Avenger," one of the officers said, staring at Clint. "Why do you know anyone here?"

Clint grinned. "Darcy used to be Jane Foster's intern so I was checking on her. She makes great cookies."

"Um, this Jane Foster," another officer asked.

"Thor's sweetie," one of the girls called from up the hallway.

"Oh, shit," one said.

Darcy grinned at him. "Though I've left Jane's side, and because of reasons that weren't fully pretty, I did make friends. I made a lot of cookies. Most of the team have a sweet tooth." Clint nodded.

"You said on the stand you ran into some in coffee shops," one complained.

"Darcy used to live on coffee," Clint said. "So do some of us. She ran into most of us at the nearest coffee shop many times." Darcy nodded. "So she minimized it to cover herself and us protectively, just in case someone comes for her for knowing how we like our cookies."

"Oh," one officer said, sounding weak. "Wow."

"It's nothing, guys. I was a lab assistant. Not anything near the team."

Clint nodded. "She was a great lab assistant. We used to try to prank the science teams a lot."

The lead officer cleared his throat. "What brings you up here, Senator?"

"And why are you carrying weapons?" Clint asked dryly. "Did the girls up here invite you up to see your weapons?"

The senator was now crying. "They're going to ruin my whole family."

"No, that was *your* doing," Darcy told him. "You didn't raise your son right. You didn't take care of your obligations. You fucked up. If you had raised him to be a *man* he wouldn't have been in here. The only thing affecting you is you're trying to cover up for him instead of going 'yeah, he fucked up and now he's gotta take responsibility and pay for it like a man would' and leaving him to handle it."

She walked off. "Ladies, let's get you out of harm's way please." They went back to their rooms to share those photos and film. She looked back at the senator. "By the way I named you in the lawsuit earlier since it was your actions against me that led to the officers conducting an illegal search. They had no reason to rip up clothes looking for a tazer, especially not while fondling my panties." She shot one of the officers a look. Then she went back to her room. "Have a great life, man. I've got to post to the Daily Kos."

"Oooh," Clint said with a wince. "Progressive media site. Bummer for your career." He hauled the senator up, handing him over. "He actually tried to attack me before I did anything more than stand in the hallway answering the girls' questions," he said with a grin. "He's really dumb." He went to talk to Darcy again. "Do you have any cookies?" he asked from the doorway. She tossed him a tupperwear container with some. "Thanks." He settled in to nibble until the bodyguard got there and the cops took their senator with them.

***

Darcy came back from a new job interview, finding someone eating fries on her apartment couch. She had moved off campus after that first year and was now about halfway between that and the town. "Hey, Clint."

"Bad day?" he asked, looking her over. "Were you channeling Pepper?"

"No, I had a few interviews today with some charities I like to support. I got a lot of 'are you donating' and 'can you use your name to help us' instead of 'what can your degree bring to us'." She went into her bedroom, kicking the door mostly shut. "I'll be out in a minute."

"Sure." He went back to watching her tv.

She came out in jeans, a t-shirt, and sneakers. "I was going to hit a bar for dinner but it looks like you already did." She flopped down, staring at him. He grinned. "So what's up? Did you just need breaking and entering practice?"

"Not that hard with your door."

"I turned off the alarm."

"Thanks." He ate another bite but tossed over a few envelopes.

Darcy took them to look at. "Thor or Jane?" she asked, waving one.

"Thor."

She nodded, opening it to read. She sighed and put it aside, reading the one from Pepper. She had been nice to her when she had been a lab assistant. Her 'I hope you're doing well' was a nice thing. She looked up at him.

"Stark's fishing for information without doing it himself," he agreed.

"That's fine. It's nice of them to ask." She put that letter aside too. "So what else is going on?"

"We found a rogue HYDRA unit nearby."

"Yeah, I met one at the bar. He was shit at flirting and I noticed the tattoo on his upper chest," she said dryly. "Apparently it was a new one because it was scabbed over and it was covering a tiny surgical scar that looked newer."

Clint paused in his chewing, staring at her. "Really?" he asked with a grin. She smirked back. He swallowed. "Did you get anything on him?"

"Unless his name was actually Jack Lewis, it was a cover and I'm not real skilled in how to pickpocket. I wasn't about to follow him back to his base when I walked away from him. I did report it to SHIELD."

"That's how we got it," he decided. She grinned. "Are you actually safe here?"

"About as safe as I was at the tower if they showed up."

"Point." He sighed. "Jane's a miserable bitch."

She nodded. "I'm sorry about that. I really am. I'm still not her nanny."

"No, you're not," he agreed. "Though we've all had to do some babysitting."

"What happened to the German nanny lady or the Asgardian one Thor's probably had coming?"

"The German lady fled from Stark after he got roaring drunk one night after a science bender." She winced, shaking her head. "The Asgardian one hated that Thor wouldn't let her bring the baby back to her own home to raise her properly as a princess should be. Fandaral is sending a female friend of his someday soon."

"I hope it works out for them. The baby's a sweet little kid. She deserves the best and her parents."

"Thor's a playing dad but he's horrified at diapers."

"Yeah, probably not something he noted in his life too often," she agreed. "I've only babysat a few times myself before the kiddo came. I had no idea how to do most of it."

He nodded. "Neither do we. We mostly play with her when she's fussy."

"If she's like her mom, she probably needs some quiet time by herself sometimes."

"She gets some. Usually we hear her when she's screaming that she's bored."

Darcy smiled. "Sounds like she's like her mom."

"We think so but she's blonde like Thor."

"Well, maybe she'll have her mom's brains and her dad's height."

"Could be," he agreed. "So now what? Since you're graduating soon but don't have a job?"

She smirked. "I don't know yet. There's other charities I can go work for that've never heard of me. I shouldn't have went to former friends to see if their charities needed help. Even though one's hiring most of the year."

"Peace corps?" he guessed.

"Maybe but I'd rather focus on problems here." She shifted to put her feet up, using one to shift the letters out of the way. "How about you guys? Everyone good?"

"Mostly," he agreed. "Natasha sprained her ankle the other day." She nodded at that. "I'm healed again." She grinned. "Thor's fine, Steve's angry that Bucky's an asshole who told him to get a girlfriend and a life since he was being a bit clingy. Stark's...Stark."

"That figures."

"We confused the new guys the other day by mentioning you. Thor was moping."

"Aww. How confused did I make them?"

"They had no idea Jane ever had a helper. Her lab looks like a tornado happened."

"She could get another intern."

"Stark's given her two. They've both ended up crying after a few weeks and got moved to someone else."

She grimaced. "It's not hard work."

"Jane's turned into a bitch, Darcy. A total bitch."

"I'm sorry."

"No, you did what you needed to do. We all agreed with that." She shrugged some, slinking down in her chair. "What about SHIELD? You could work with them clearing up their image problem."

"If I found out some of the bad things I'd have to stop it," she reminded him. "I'm not going to sit by and let horrible things happen."

"True. So government service instead?"

"No. It's not what I really want. I hate politics. Plus that one senator would pop up to try to ruin me."

"Most thinking people would consider that a good thing."

"Then the reporters would get news from New Mexico and all that."

"Oh, yeah. That's still classified." She smiled. "Have you had to talk about that?"

"No. A few people noted London but not New Mexico. Or Antigua."

"What happened in Antigua?" he demanded, shifting so he was facing her better. "I remember a battle there."

"I remember spring break there," she shot back. "I'm the one who called you guys and defended that orphanage."

"Oh." He blinked at her. "Seriously?" She nodded. "Steve didn't mention he saw you."

"The other orphanage."

"Oh!" He winced. "Stark told us they were safe."

"Yes they were." She nodded. "I was on the nearest beach when the portal started to form. I saw a few of them going for the orphanage up the street from me so went to warn them and ended up defending them against the idiots. Then they went to the easier targets, which was when you guys got there."

"Wow."

Darcy smiled. "It happens sometimes."

"Only around you."

"No, I go through most of my life without drawing that sort of attention," she said dryly. "Outside the idiot HYDRA guys apparently. Any idea why?"

"No. We think maybe it's your former job."

"Huh."

"They captured a few actresses too."

She frowned. "Why? Half of them are airheads and the ones that aren't hide their brains because only the airheads get work."

He laughed. "That's so mean."

"So true though. Smart women in Hollywood usually hide it until they're higher up the food chain."

"I can see why." He shifted again, pulling his feet up. "Are you sure you're good at all this stuff?"

"It's nothing exciting but I didn't want to go into archeology and become Indiana Jones," she said dryly. "I thought about that as my undergrad." He grinned. "I know, I really just wanted the hat and whip, but I would've been okay at it."

"Lots of long hours of dusty, dirty work in low water countries," he countered.

"Which is why I mostly didn't. I love it but not that much."

"What about museum work?"

"Specialized degrees and a lot of politics for grants. My name would've been used there. I talked to one of the art curators in high school about that sort of work. I don't *love* art but I like history. He said I'd be bored my whole life."

"Figures." She grinned. "You seriously weren't going to cook?"

"I haven't been grocery shopping in a week."

"That happens."

"Yeah, it does," she agreed. "Especially during finals."

"It's finals?"

"Just passed," she said with a smile.

"Huh." He nodded. "Did you pass?"

"Of course."

"Honors?" he teased.

"Not likely. I had a major argument with a teacher over her dislike of aliens and how they weren't real." He groaned, shaking his head. "She knew about Jane and London so she ragged on me all semester. So the final day I told her she was welcome for still being alive and around. So no, I almost flunked that class. She couldn't give me below a D without a challenge to the grades and her teaching methods. Thankfully it was an optional class. I learned more from the book than her."

"That's good then. What about graduation?"

She shrugged. "I'm walking but it's nothing huge."

"You're graduating college, Darcy. It is huge."

"It's not, Clint, but it's sweet you think so." She smiled at him. "I figured I'd walk this one since I didn't walk my undergrad."

"You took time off for that."

"And I never made it out of the city since you guys had the city locked down due to an incident."

"Oh. Sorry."

She shrugged. "It's not a huge thing," she told him. "It's not like my parents are flying in," she finished sarcastically. "It's just for me."

"What about boyfriends?" he teased, trying to lighten it up again.

She snorted, waving a hand. "I'm not a cougar so I'm not dating college boys and I'm not dating teachers because it's a problem. I've had a few dates but nothing too serious. Most guys don't like women who can protect themselves. They consider us too hard to be soft enough to fall for their weaknesses."

"Seriously?"

She nodded. "Yeah. Got into a talk in a bar with a guy who was complaining his girlfriend wanted to take self defense lessons because it meant he couldn't protect her anymore. It was ruining his macho vibe. I had to point out she wasn't handcuffed to his side so she had to do some things by herself and he couldn't always be there to protect her. Plus sometimes you needed to protect yourself from your guy. He got horrified and told me how strong women who handled things on their own were what was ruining the male rhetoric and history of macho endeavors. I told him how the real world worked and how macho rhetoric was why most guys were single." He burst out laughing.

"He got all huffy and his professor wrote me a dirty letter saying I was ruining men. I kindly wrote him one back, with research included, that proved him wrong. He huffed and complained that the women on campus were all men haters. We had to reply to his huffy boy fit about not hating men, just their stupid times. I even got the sororities involved in fighting back against that. The campus had a good talk about gender roles and expected behaviors and how things were changing now."

"You are in a slightly conservative area," he said dryly, smirking at her.

"Oh, I know. I got accused of having California liberal ideas more than once by teachers." He smirked and nodded. "I pointed out that the rest of the world was moving that way. Even Saudi Arabia was making changes to give women rights. They didn't like that comparison."

"Guys like them never do."

"It let us up the abuse help center from a table to an actual staff member and the suicide hotline got upped too."

"Stark said you were working there."

"Yeah. The kids are young. They're untried, they have no idea about most things in the real world. College isn't as safe as home in most cases. You get a lot of kids that get in over their heads. Some recover, some don't, and some nearly get lost."

"It's a good thing," he said more quietly, smiling at her.

"Thanks." She grinned back. "They're mostly good kids."

"That's always a good thing. So now what?"

"I'd suggest dinner but you probably don't want to be noticed by anyone. I can order a pizza."

"I'm good with going out with you."

"Clint, one of the local frats has your picture up as a macho ideal," she said dryly. "They're all out partying right now to celebrate the end of the semester. You'd be recognized."

"Ashamed to be seen with me?"

"No, I didn't think you'd want the press attention."

"I'm fine with it."

"Okay." She stood up and grabbed her wallet and phone, nodding at him. "Let's go. I'm hungry, I missed lunch due to traffic." He followed, letting her lock the door before taking him down to her car. She saw the look at her car and shrugged. "I'm a college student. I'm not going to drive a brand new car and this one's good on fuel efficiency."

"It's not exciting but it's a good, safe choice."

"It is. Including in crash tests, which was one worry around a college campus." She let him in, walking around to drive. She took them to a small bar she liked and inside to a back table so they could talk and she could eat. He got a burger too. They talked about things going on in New York and how she was handling not being in a huge city. A few people stopped by to fawn over Clint but he just grinned and mostly chewed through them. He signed a few autographs then got back to eating. One of them gave Darcy an odd look but she just shrugged and sipped her drink. She looked at Clint once that guy had moved on. "Apparently he wanted to blow you for status," she said quietly.

"I get some of that," he agreed. "Not too much though. Natasha gets a lot of those."

"Yeah. That action suit of hers is really tight and she's pretty."

"Do all women get that?"

"Sometimes. Especially pretty ones. We learn to brush it off. Mostly because they're not real flattering when they're talking to your boobs."

"I get some that feel up my arms," he said.

"Same thing." She smiled. "Only they don't get arrested if they grope your arms."

"Point." He ate another bite. "This is a really nice place," he said when he swallowed.

"The bartender's a really nice guy and his sister's in admin up at the college. He's good to the decent students and throws out asshole ones personally."

"That's really good." She nodded, finishing her drink.

He finished up and they relaxed again. "So now what?" he asked with a grin.

She smirked back. "I'd suggest some clubbing for stress relief but the closest good floor is in the next town and I'm not dressed for that." He snorted, looking amused. "It's a quiet town."

"Bit boring?"

"Yeah, sometimes, but you put up with it to have less traffic."

"True, traffic is great here compared to New York." She smiled and nodded. "Did you have a car in New York?"

"No. That's a stupid idea up there. Huge insurance due to car jacking rates. Problems with parking, traffic, and other issues. Taking the subway is easier. So are cabs."

"Point."

"I'm a practical bitch."

"That's a good thing," he agreed. "Going back west?"

"Not sure. I could but I'm really not sure. I think LA would drive me nuts."

"Probably but there's other cities out there."

"True." She nodded. "Or I could go to New Hampshire and work with a charity that helps rescued slaves. It's heartbreaking work but important."

"That's a tough choice. You could still work for SHIELD in the admin areas."

"That'd require me having to determine what people were doing, Clint, and I don't want that sort of responsibility."

"No, there's admin that has nothing to do with missions."

She stared at him. "Did the big C send you? I know if I say his name he'll magically appear."

"Not exactly but May suggested it'd be a good position, plus safer for you."

"I'm not that unsafe."

"Darcy, you nearly dated a villain last year," he said dryly.

"Well, yeah, but he was a good kisser. Then someone sent me an email and we talked about it. He agreed I should do charity work, it was good for everyone, and he started because things were unfair and wrong. He just ended up on the wrong side of the strength equation."

He shook his head with a sigh. "You're welcome for the email."

"I figured it was you or Steve," she said with a grin. She kicked him under the table. "Speak of the devil and it appears."

"Him?" he demanded, looking back. "Oh, Coulson. You're right, you talk about him and he appears." He shifted over when he got to their table, letting his former handler sit next to him.

"Miss Lewis," he said with a nod and a slight smile.

"Director," she said with a grin. "So far I'm ignoring the pointed hints I should come handle your PR problem."

"We have a PR person but they're half the problem," he admitted.

"Yes, but if I heard about things like South Korea, I'd have to do something so it couldn't happen again," she said bluntly.

"That wasn't us."

"I'm aware of that," she said dryly, staring at him. "So why show up tonight?" she asked with a smile.

"We're tracking an agent who was trying to follow you earlier."

"Yeah, I turned him down in the bar." She nodded a bit. "Two of the guys he was hanging out with came in but they're at the other end of the bar." She pointed. "And they haven't even looked this way so I guessed they hadn't spotted us."

"We don't think they have," he agreed. "They could attack Clint for his job though."

She pointed. "I was going to show him the emergency exit behind us behind the bathrooms."

Clint shifted up to look that way then sat back down. "There's only two."

"There's about fifteen in their base," Coulson told him. "It was dangerous to come here, Clint."

"I was looking in on Darcy," he said, glaring at his former handler. "She's a buddy. I warned her about them earlier. Though she made him himself when he flirted with her."

"He had the tattoo over a new surgical scar," she said with a small shrug. "It's not like most people would get that as a tattoo."

Coulson stared at her. "Surgical scar?"

"About fingertip long on his upper shoulder." She pointed at the spot. "There."

"Interesting."

"New tattoo, still had scabs. Just a black and white outline so he may have been getting it colored in later."

"I can't think of anyone who'd get that tattoo," Clint agreed.

"I met some racist assholes who got burning cross tattooed on," she told him.

"Huh." Clint nodded once. "I've seen some rebel flags and the like. So yeah, that could've been that sort of I agree tattoo."

"Still not the sort I want to flirt with," she said dryly. "I'm very open minded but not that way."

"Ever dated a girl?" Clint asked with a smarmy grin.

"Yeah. She's really cute and has three kids now. It was a high school fling."

He blinked a few times. "Really?"

"Yup." She smiled. "Married a male cheerleader from USC. Two girls and a little boy. She's on facebook."

"Huh." He looked at Coulson.

"That was in her background check," he admitted. "The one we had to redo."

She smiled. "You missed the name change too?"

"We did," he admitted. "It wasn't legally filed so we did miss it." She shrugged but grinned. "We are a bit worried that they may be coming after you because you do keep in contact with a few members of the team."

"Not really. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one on facebook that has a few people on it."

"No," he agreed. "You're not but if they found out about your former job it could become worse for you."

She stared at him. "I was a science intern, Coulson," she said quietly. "Not a hero in spandex."

"Kevlar," Clint corrected. "It's bulletproof."

She shot him a look then looked at Coulson again. "I hold no strategic value to them just because I have a few facebook buddies that I used to hang out with. I haven't seen anyone but Clint in a few years. Not since I saw Melinda May due to that frat boy problem."

"Point but they're not that smart," he said.

She smiled. "I doubt they want me for that. If so, there's some fans in the midwest who are in more danger than I am."

"They're not heirs."

She shrugged. "I gave myself a trust fund so I couldn't be a kid like Stark."

"Which probably made a lot of sense," he agreed. He stared at her. "What about politics?"

"I really hate politics. I've thought about it but I'd be a fierce bitch about women's rights, education, and a few other things that would get me huffed at. Do I really want to live my life in a spotlight?"

"Probably not," he agreed. "It could do a lot of good."

"Possibly," she agreed. "I'm also on two groups that're working against Stark's agenda right now. He sent me an email saying he hated me for that and I didn't understand why. I sent back how wrong it was. He told me I sounded like Steve."

"You do," Clint said with a nod. "A lot at times." She smiled. "We could get Steve into politics."

"He'd hate that," Phil said. "Battles would get worse."

She stared at him. "Your ploy is a bit see through, Coulson."

He smirked a tiny bit. "I figured it was but being underhanded with you often gets opposite results. That's why we nearly lost funding one year."

She smirked. "You're welcome."

He rolled his eyes. Clint was staring at her. "That expose was you?"

"No. That expose was a friend I met in London." She grinned. "I didn't tip her off. She was snooping in my computer during a visit. Happened onto the same group against Stark's agenda for the list."

"Crap," he said. "That got us all a lot of attention." She shrugged a bit but grinned. "So she got into your charity network?"

"Yeah. That group tracks SHIELD and Stark's things for crimes against humanity. Which they consider the list to be." She shifted, popping her neck some. "Two of them might've been on the list but they refused and went further underground."

Coulson stared at her. "Are they still part of that group?"

"No comment." She smiled. "And here they come." Clint got kicked and she pointed behind her. "Go." He slid out and headed for the bathroom. One of the guys paused then casually started that way. She got up to get in his way, smiling at him. "Hi. I remember you from the bar." The guy glared at her. She smiled back, patting him over the tattoo, making him wince. "It's still artwork."

"That's...." She shrugged. "Damn bitch," he said. "Probably Romanoff in disguise."

"No, I'm a former geek intern. Sorry." She ducked his blow at her head. "Not nice, dude." He tried again so she tased him. He yelped as he went down. She stared at him. "Really?" She sat down and paid the check, smiling at Coulson. "I'll think about going into politics some year soon," she said quietly. "But probably not. It's just not something I can see myself doing." She got up and walked off, handing the money and ticket to the bartender. "Some HYDRA guy who hit on me at the bar," she muttered, making him huff but shake his head. "My friend was about to be bothered. He escaped."

"Thanks, Lewis."

"Welcome." She went back to her apartment to shower, relax, and think about her options.

Coulson had probably snuck out after making sure he had pictures of the agents. He could do that, he was Coulson.

***

Darcy was kicked back in her jammies a few days later when a video chat request came up. She accepted, staring at the guy on the other side. "What's up, Stark?" she asked. She sipped her coffee.

"You're not coming to my event. It's for charities."

"I'm not working with any right now. I'm still looking for a job," she said. "You should honor the ones already doing the work."

"You could network, maybe find a nice job," he said. He stared at her. "A few people want to see you."

She stared back, then grimaced. "I'm trying really hard not to get a job on my name, Stark. I've already avoided that so far. And I've got a few leads."

"I know about the group you're part of already," he said.

She smiled. "Someone's got to protect people from good intentions gone wrong." She finished her coffee and put her cup down. "I don't really want to go. Graduation's the day before that."

"So? You're just coming up and putting on a pretty dress."

"It's never that easy for women. Besides, why would I want to cause strife?"

He paused. "Yeah, Jane's going to be there," he agreed. "But we can keep you two apart."

"There's others that probably don't want to see me."

"It's important."

"It is. I've already sent up reward monies to add to yours for three of them in my mother's name."

"I saw that. Pepper asked why."

"Because they're ones I believe in. One of the others being honored I could do without but they do work which is important."

He stared at her. "Snobby?" he asked with an evil smirk.

"No. They're the sort that demand women who've been raped carry the kid. I can't personally stand that viewpoint."

"I didn't know that. That's not the focus of their charity."

"It's not, which I support the main focus of. I just can't support that charity itself."

"I guess that's a point. You could still come up for a few hours. You haven't been back to New York. There's a charity meeting at the UN the next day."

"I know. I'm going to be there interviewing with a group that works with people who were taken as slaves."

"There are?" he asked.

"Yeah, there are," she agreed.

"Oh." He looked behind him then at her. "Then you can come up for the party. You'll be here anyway."

"I'll have jet lag, Tony. I don't want to go to a formal stuffy event with jet lag. Or really at all."

"My events are more fun," he said impatiently.

She stared at him. "Yeah, if they get robbed. Otherwise they're a bunch of stuffy people in a room with too much cologne and perfume talking about things that no one cares about. Beyond that, don't have a formal gown."

"You can buy one anywhere."

She gave him a dirty look. "Stark, formal gowns don't fit women with curves. They fit skinny, tiny boobed women like Pepper. That's the fashion ideal and the reality of it. Anything I buy that way has to be altered. Usually a lot. Or else I look like I'm going to the porn star awards. I don't have a gown and don't have time to get a gown."

"Why don't you have a gown?" he demanded.

"Because I don't go to formal events," she said dryly, staring at him. "It's not my thing. The charities I support don't hold formal fundraisers. Most of them work behind the scenes. Half the ones that do hold formal events are shams and smoke and mirrors so I'd never go to those. The rest are only attended for honoring them awards. The only one I'd go to would be the annual Peace Corps event in DC but I'm not a member so I just send them money."

"You could do that," he said.

"Yeah all but the FBI has my passport locked in case someone comes for me."

"Why?" he demanded. He looked so confused.

"For the same reason that I saw Coulson the other day and he was trying to convince me to join politics."

"Oh. So you can't travel."

She shook her head. "Not without prior authorization."

"That sucks."

"Yes it does. That happened after spring break at least. I at least got one in."

"You didn't in your undergrad?" Pepper asked, coming into view.

"No, I spent my first two spring breaks recovering and sleeping. My third one I was in the hospital with the flu, and the fourth I was on my way to New Mexico."

"Oh. That's a shame," Pepper said. "Those are young people things that no one can get away with when they're thirty."

"Oh, I can go party but it'd hit the news," Darcy said dryly with a smile for her. "You look nice today, Pepper."

"Thank you, Darcy. Are you coming?"

"No." She smiled and shook her head. "I'm not prepared for a formal event and I have no need of going to it. I sent thank you money."

"I saw that. Do you want noted?"

"No. It's in the envelopes."

She smiled. "That's fine. Are you coming up for the UN meeting?"

"I am. I'm interviewing with an anti-slavery charity that afternoon."

"That's good," Pepper said with a smile. "That's a hard field though."

"Yeah, but it's an important one. Unfortunately too many people end up there every year."

"They do," she agreed, smiling at her. "Thank you for Tony's birthday card."

She shrugged. "He's doing an important one." Tony snorted but looked pleased. "Sorry about the event, but even if I had a gown ready, it's just not my thing."

"No, I get that," Pepper agreed. "You're right. A lot of the charities that do throw formal fundraisers aren't worth supporting. Or they're political."

Darcy nodded. "I made the mistake of going to one of them and they tried to latch onto me for not only exclusive money but a lot more than I was willing to give. I had to tell him I was there mostly about his wife's charity work. He was disappointed and pouty all night."

"You do have a wallet," Tony said.

"Yes but I gave myself a trust fund on purpose."

"That's a good idea," Stark agreed. "Means you can't spend yourself poor before you have kids."

"If, Stark. If. Kids aren't looking too soon in my life right now. I can't even find a guy to date."

He looked at her. "You could."

"No, I really can't down here."

"You could come back up here."

"Or I could go to Florida."

"Point," he agreed. "But you'd hate the beach culture."

She stared at him. "Stark, I rock a bikini like no one else does," she said dryly. "I can do the beach and all that easily. I know I don't fit into the stick figure ideology but that only bothers shallow little twats who can't remember to wear panties."

Pepper laughed, nodding. "True, it does. No one seems to realize you're you." Darcy smiled. "Are you going to have to come out?"

"I don't know. I might if something too huge comes up. The lawsuit and court case from that dorm thing didn't out me too much. I got some more facebook friends from high school." Stark shook his head with a sigh. "Some of us are meant to be in the spotlight and some of us are meant to do things behind the scenes. I learned it from Dad." She waved and hung up. "Have a better day."

Up in New York, Tony looked at Pepper. "She's insistent."

"She is, but she had some good points. She's got the figure that would mean major tailoring for designer gowns. She doesn't want to deal with stress and hell." He nodded at that. "She's making good decisions."

"I guess. Still boring."

"Yes but Darcy wants a bit more boring."

"Point." He grimaced. "We can send her an invitation anyway, just in case."

"We can," she agreed. She went to do that and make notes for her speech that night. Looking at the notes included in Darcy's thank you money envelopes led her to a name to look up just in case she wanted to note it. Her mother was a good woman apparently.

***
Part 2 by voracity
Darcy came out of her meeting at the UN with the charity she had interviewed with, finding a driver staring at her. She walked past him. "Miss DeCriths," he called. "I'm here for you. My client sent me for you."

She looked at him. "Why?" she asked.

"I work for Mr. David DeCriths, ma'am."

"Uncle David could've called me."

"I don't think he had the time, ma'am. He's in the hospital."

"Oh, dear." She walked over. "Prove it." He held up a picture of him and his uncle standing beside a new car. "That's good. Let's go." He nodded, letting her into the back of the car and walking around to drive them off. "What happened to him? I wrote him last month and didn't hear a thing about this."

"His wife was high and stabbed him."

"I'm going to kill that bitch," she said. "He should've stayed with his first wife."

"She's there, and she's the one that sent for you for him."

"That's nice of Aunt Mabel." She fussed at her hair in her compact and checked her makeup then put it away. She sent a text message to someone then put her phone up. When they got to the hospital, he let her out and she nodded. "Thank you. Have a better day." She walked up there to where he had told her and nodded at the nurses. "My uncle David?" she asked. The nurse pointed. She walked in there after a quick knock on the door. "Why didn't you tell me about this when I wrote you?" she asked dryly, coming in to kiss him on the cheek. She saw the new wife in there and sneered. "Do you really think you should be near him since you put him in here?"

"It's my choice, Darcy," he said firmly.

Darcy looked at him. "Mom would've killed her. I'll just have her thrown out. And not even out the window."

"No." She rolled her eyes but sat down on his free side. "Why are you up here?"

"I was interviewing earlier with a charity I like."

"For donation?"

"To work with."

"Good." He smiled. "I saw your withdrawal the other day. It was good choices." She grinned. "I'll be fine, dear."

"You'd better be. I don't want to help your son through a funeral. He's a dick but I'd never let him do it himself."

"He'd have to be released from jail for his habit."

"Hmm." She nodded. "That happens to many. I'm glad I avoided that trap after Mom died." The new wife was sneering. Darcy looked at her. "Don't make me beat you to death, Belinda."

"Betty," she said.

"Whatever." The woman started to fake cry. Darcy rolled her eyes. "You're not the actress his sister was. Or his mother." She looked at her uncle again. "Sorry," she said at his dirty look. He stared. She smiled and kissed him on the head. "You never should've driven off Aunt Mabel, Uncle David."

"I know. I was stupid in those days."

"No comment," Darcy quipped.

"Do you have a man yet?"

"Nope. I've dated some but they're not worthy of a second date, much less panty touching time as your mom used to put it."

He snorted, looking amused. "You could get a trophy husband."

"Why would I want something that uninteresting? Eww! I don't want a gold digger. I want a guy who can keep up with me and my work and what I like to do. And I want to help him with what he likes to do. I'd never take in a trophy cub. They're boring and usually crap in bed." He laughed so hard he coughed. She helped him lean back. "Easy on that. If you die I'll have to bury her under you for putting you in here." She got up and stomped off. Darcy waved at the bimbo's back. She looked at her uncle. "Really?" she asked quietly.

"We're divorcing but she doesn't know it yet," he said. "For spousal abuse."

"Good!" He smiled and patted her hand. "So coming to hide with me in case she hires a hit man?"

"I may. Did you ever sell the old house?"

"It's rented," she said. "I'm not sure I could sell it. I had a lot of good memories there."

"The last renters renovated."

"I only allowed a few things and I made sure," she said. "They pouted and I told them I'd sue them and move them out. I flew out to make sure." He smiled and patted her hand again. "Did they?"

"They tried. The lawyer stopped it. They evicted them so it's empty now."

She nodded once. "Not my fault then."

"No it's not. You could sell it."

She stared at him with a sigh. "I'm not sure I can let go of Mom that way. The last I saw my blood was still staining the concrete from riding my bike."

"It was," he agreed. "I was there last month and stopped in to stay there while I was in LA." She shrugged but grinned. "It's pitiful sitting empty, Darcy."

"I know. I'll think about it."

"Good girl." He patted her hand again. "I've remade my will."

"Cutting out the new bimbo?"

"That too. The son's got a very small trust fund he's not in charge of. I put Magnus in charge of it. Yours too."

"No. I won't let him be in charge of my money. He treats women horribly, like we're mindless toys. I'm not going to fight with him over my money. So who am I having it moved to?"

"He can fight that since I'm the executor."

She smiled. "I'm an adult now, Uncle David. Fully able to make my own legal decisions. Frankly, Magnus makes me think he's the sort that'd embezzle. So who am I moving it to?"

"You can move it to Chuck's people but they're not as good. Or you can hire someone you'll have to watch every day for your life."

"As opposed to the guy who tried to pat me on the head and said some day it'd go to my future son's college needs because women don't need college?"

"I forgot about that." She smiled. "Well, you go fix it today then."

"I can do that." She shifted to cross her feet. "Anything else I need to handle?"

"The son might be out soon and he might come after you."

"Why? I'm not giving him anything. I work for mine."

"I've admired that about you, Darcy, and I tried to use you as an example. He got all huffy."

"Pity about that but that's why he needs a therapist probably."

"Probably," he decided. "You're like your mom but not always the nicest parts."

She smiled. "She'd be pleased."

"Probably true. She'd say that's why you're still single too."

"No, I'm single because I have taste and want brains, not just a gym hard body. Most of the guys my age are pretty pathetic. Think what you were like when you were twenty-six."

"Don't remind me," he sighed. "I grew up, most of them will too."

"Yeah, and then I'll give them a try for dating."

"You'll be too old to have kids."

She stared at him. "Since when do I need to use my womb to be worthy of this family?"

"I didn't say that. Your father's will had a clause about you not adopting your only child."

"I thought that got remade."

"I'm not so sure about that."

"I'll ask the lawyer," she said.

"Good girl. I know you're smart but you're getting bitter."

"I'm at a conservative college that had a teacher who decided women knowing self defense was what was robbing men of their macho ideology," she said dryly. He snorted, shaking his head. "It's the area. I dated plenty in London and when I was here in New York. I probably will once I get back away from that school."

"Probably. You finally graduated?"

"My masters a few days back." He frowned. "Uncle David, I got my undergrad while I was in New Mexico after my first year. I just didn't walk. I finally got around to my masters in public policy and graduated this week."

"Honors?"

"Two points below."

"Pity."

"Yeah. But I had a teacher who trashed me all semester about knowing Thor."

"Oh, god, them," he muttered.

"Yeah, them." She nodded as she shifted again. "These chairs suck."

He laughed. "So people don't have to stay too long."

She stared at him. "You're my uncle. If you need me I'm here."

"No, I'm good. I'll be fine, Darcy."

"Good. Don't make me go to another funeral." She stood up to kiss him on the forehead. "Good luck with her." She stared at him. "Want the name of the group I use for bodyguards?" He nodded so she looked them up and wrote it down for him. He smiled, patting her on the hand so she could go. She went to the brokerage firm. They were horrified at who she was. "Yes, Uncle David told me he moved my executor and I want it switched." She smiled. "Isn't he here? He usually is on Saturdays."

"I'll get him for you, miss." She called back there. "It'll be a few minutes."

"Thanks." She sat down, arranging things on her phone. Including sending notes to her bank that the executor switch over her trust fund wasn't signed off on yet so he had no access to anything. After an hour he finally came out to smirk at her. She looked up at him. "You have some explaining to do about the three thousand dollars taken out of my trust yesterday. Because I didn't do that." She stood up. "And I don't want you managing my money. So let's go talk about that."

"You're pushy today," he said sarcastically.

She smirked. "I'm exactly like my mother most of the time, Magnus. I'm not a damsel, not a little lady, and sure as hell not a good girl. You're not using me for anything and you're not in charge of my money. Technically, I had control of my trust at eighteen. I have someone to look it over for auditing purposes. Do I have to call the lawyer?"

He laughed. "He'll never agree with you. You're a girl."

"I'm a woman with a master's degree," she said. "And a second bachelor's in accounting." He stepped back, glaring at her. "So let's talk nicely now about how you took money from my account without my authority. Because I never signed off on the switch so that's illegal."

"It's been a year," he sneered. "Not too careful are you, Darcy?"

"It's been six weeks by the paperwork you tried to file. Thankfully I've already had the lawyer working on it. He's due here soon. I called when you made me wait because you thought I was just a girl." He huffed off. She smiled at the men walking in. "Mr. Pritchard."

"Darcy Lewis," he said, smiling and shaking her hand. "You found embezzlement?"

"Yes I did." She showed him the entries. "He's still huffy about it too."

"Let's go talk to him." They went back to the office and they stopped him from doing anything with the restraining order they had paused to file with the bank. By that night, Darcy was in charge of her own money, Magnus was in jail for stealing from her, and being in HYDRA with one of the lesser lawyers. Apparently a few people thought she was stupid. Boy were they about to be proven wrong.

***

Darcy smiled at the reporter she met the next day. "Hello, dear."

"Who're you anyway?" she demanded. "My editor said I had to talk to you."

"Darcy DeCriths. Hannah was my mother." She gaped then sat down with a groan. "Frankly, I talked to your editor about a few things because people are trying to treat me like a little girl who's an imbecile. Pity." She smiled. "I just brought down half of my uncle's investment firm yesterday for it." The reporter moaned. "And some of them were HYDRA."

"Oh, damn," she muttered.

"Yeah. So we can talk if you'd like." She smiled, sipping her coffee. She waved at a few joggers going past, earning a smile from one.

The reporter looked. "That's an avenger guy." She looked at Darcy. "You knew them?"

"I know Sam. We met at something. He's a very nice guy. Very well read. We talked about books for almost an hour."

"Oh. So, you're Hannah DeCrith's daughter. What are you doing now?"

"I just graduated with a masters in public policy and a second bachelor's in accounting." She smiled. "Two points off honors."

"Good job. Why a second bachelor's?"

"My first was in poli sci."

"Politics?"

"I want to work with charities. There's a lot of problems in this world and if I can make it better, my mother would be cooing about it."

The reporter smile. "It's good you're trying to live up to her legacy. We noticed that she had stopped her charity giving for a few years."

"She died when I was fourteen and Uncle David had my trust fund I set up at my request. He didn't even when I asked. He's pouty about that right now and me having his business partner arrested for theft."

"Wow."

"Sometimes you gotta be a bitch to get things done," Darcy said with a shrug and a smile. "It gets things done right."

"Yeah, I can see that. So what else have you done? You look familiar."

"I interned as a science intern for a bit but we parted on not good terms so I don't really talk about that."

She snapped. "You were in London."

"I was."

"Oh." She grimaced. "So you knew Thor."

Darcy smiled. "I considered him like a brother for a long time."

"That's sweet." She took notes. "So now what?"

"Now, I'm interviewing with some charities, hoping to get in without using my name. I go by a family name due to a few death threats."

"From your work as an intern?"

"No. One's from my former stepmother and the other's from a senator who's son I kicked the ass of. It apparently ruined him enough that he lost his mind and came to the campus with weapons to kill me."

The reporter blinked. "That campus in Pennsylvania?" she asked with a wince. Darcy smiled and nodded. "Oh, dear."

"Oh yeah." She nodded. "I would've been fair to him but he got his son out on bail very fast and then tried to retaliate. He even tried to override the FBI authorization I had for a tazer. Pity."

The reporter smiled. "At least you're not stuffy or uptight."

"No. My mother was. She had that proper backbone. She would've hated how often I wear jeans in public. She wasn't republican by any means but she was just as uptight as a Bush matriarch. I live up to her myth in other ways."

"That's always a good thing for a daughter to do." She stared at him. "I looked up your mother. You grew up in LA."

"I did." She smiled with a nod. "It was sometimes fun. Sometimes not. It was pretty normal and my parents made sure I didn't grow up to be a princess by any means."

"That's good. Most kids these days aren't that way."

"I hope any future kids I have won't be."

"We can all hope so," she agreed. She made more notes. "So now what are you doing beyond that?"

"Well, I'm going to announce soon that I'm starting a limited fund grant fund in my mother's name for certain types of charities. I'm still building so up front it won't be huge grants but some of the minor ones that need it the most can turn ten grand into a lot of good work."

"True. There's shelters who'd adore that."

"I've made it for charities that work with kids, especially to get them off the streets and to get them an education so they can break the cycle of poverty. It's for small schools. It's for groups that feed kids who are homeless."

"You're focused on kids yet don't have any. Are you infertile? Usually that level of investment is compensation."

"I think that's a bit impertinent but no." She smiled. "I think that we need to start help there and then next generation it'll get a bit better. A lot of charities do a lot of work with the parents, and some day I will too, but almost no one takes care of the kids. Giving mom job training helps a lot but until she finds something, the kid's gotta be held steady and growing."

"Good point. It's something most of those groups don't want to think about."

Darcy nodded. "I've seen that. I've done a lot of research about the charities I do give to. I think it's important I agree with their goals and their purposes instead of just blindly tossing money at things. There's some groups that do okay work but their underlying ideology is something that makes me mad so I don't give to those sort." Someone walked up behind her and kissed her on the hair. She frowned up. "Oh, Steve." She smiled, hopping up to hug him. "Hi. How are you?"

"I'm okay. I can see you're busy."

"Dinner at the pizza place in Brooklyn?" she offered with a grin.

"I can do that," he promised. "Have a great day, Darcy."

"You too. I saw Sam." She sat back down, smiling at the reporter. "He's a really nice guy. I taught him how to use netflix."

The reporter blinked. "That's sweet of you. There's days I still don't understand netflix." Darcy grinned. "So...charity work." Darcy nodded, getting back to the interview.

***

That night, Steve showed up scowling. "Tony said you fibbed because he taught me netflix." He sat down across from her.

"I taught you how to move around netflix. It kept anyone from suggesting we dated."

"True. He thought it was that."

"Yeah." She grinned. "So just okay?"

"No, I'm pretty good. Still mad at Bucky taking off again to hide."

She nodded. "Not like he wouldn't come if you needed him."

"True. So happy graduation."

She smiled. "Thank you."

"And I heard taking down an investment firm?"

"My uncle's partner thinks women are little girls without need of any education. He was stealing from me. And half the law team I lean on was HYDRA." He winced. "So no clue why. Just had to happen."

"At least you're safe."

"Most of the time."

"That's good." He smiled. "Things are really boring around the tower most days."

She nodded. "They were before but if you got bored we found something to do. Like taking that kindergarten class to the museum."

"Point. I haven't done that for a while." She smiled. "Yeah, I can do that later. The new guy, Scott, he has a daughter."

"That's sweet. I hope she's okay?"

"She's fine. We protect her like we do any girlfriends."

"That's cool." She smiled. "You guys were always fussy about Jane going anywhere but it was sweet of you."

"And you."

"Because I was dragging Jane places usually."

"True," he admitted, smiling at her. The waitress came over and they ordered, then went back to catching up. Darcy had some funny stories about the campus. Steve had some about the wackiness that sometimes invaded the tower. It was good to catch up. She gave him a ride back to the tower on her way to her hotel then went to settle in for the night. No messages from her uncle so he was still mad at her. Sorry but tough. The lawyer was probably mad at her too. She really had to find a new one. Just in case they tried to screw her up too.

"It's tough being me but I gotta persevere," she muttered as she looked up law firms.

***

Clint nodded at Steve when he came in that night. "Darcy good?"

"She seemed pretty happy with things," he said, flopping down in a chair. "She had to break bad on some thugs recently but otherwise she's good."

"It was on the news about her busting the lawyers and investment firm."

"She was talking to a reporter earlier."

"That's good though," Clint said. "Because it makes her harder to take out if she's a bit more public. Coulson was worried about that."

"Think they'll try to sue her?"

"Yup," Clint agreed with a grin. "But I think Darcy's probably pretty smart so she's got it handled."

"That's good." He leaned back, getting comfortable. "It's quiet tonight?"

"Yeah. Jane's out with Pepper and Maria Hill. Thor's got the sprout."

"I thought Thor went home last night."

Clint stared at him. "No, he was at breakfast when I got coffee."

"I didn't see him. Let me go check." He got up and went to Thor's suite, knocking on the door. No answer. "FRIDAY, is Thor here?" he asked.

"No, he is not," she said, opening the door. "However the nanny isn't either, Steve."

He hurried in to look at the baby. She was a mess. "Oh, no. FRIDAY, can you do a medical scan on her?"

"She's weak but not that ill."

"Alert our infirmary please." He carried her down there carefully. The nurse hopped up as he walked in. "People thought Thor was still here."

"He left about nine this morning," she said. "We had that storm." She took the baby. "Oh, you're a mess."

"She's not waking up," Steve said.

"Let's do some checking." She walked her back to the exam room. "Doctor?" she called. "Come help me please." He hurried out of the office, swearing when he saw what she was carrying. "Not waking at all and we all know she's the fussiest thing ever."

"Yes she is." He took her to look at, letting the nurse draw blood. "She's got to be sedated."

Steve leaned on the doorway. "Her bed's a wreck too. Should I call Jane?"

"Please," the doctor agreed. "Where's the nanny?"

"She doesn't work nights."

"Oh, crap," the nurse muttered. "Can you get Mr. Stark too?"

"Definitely." He went jogging to the labs, knocking on Tony's window before walking in. "Tony, huge problem." He spun to look at him, Pepper looking up from their shared dinner. "Isn't Jane with you?"

"We broke up an hour ago."

"The baby won't wake up, she's in the infirmary, no one was with her, and she's a horrible mess."

Pepper texted Jane while she and Tony hurried off. "Jane's swearing she's just grabbing something in the lab. The baby has medicine and the nanny will be back soon."

"The nanny doesn't work nights," Tony muttered. He stormed into the infirmary. "How bad?"

"The baby's sedated," the nurse said. She looked at him. "The mother?"

"Lab," Steve said. He pointed at Pepper. "Do we need an ER?"

"If we do that, CPS will come," Pepper said. The doctor scowled at her. "Jane's absent minded. That's why she has the nanny."

"Who doesn't work nights," Tony reminded her. "She never asked me to sit or anyone else that I know of."

Scott walked in with the diaper bag. "I repacked it just in case." He looked at the baby then at Tony then at the doctor. "We've been noticing that the baby can't focus on things. I remember seeing Cassie at that age and she could focus on people."

"You're thinking autism?" the doctor asked.

"I don't know. I know nothing about it but I know I rolled a ball toward her yesterday and she just stared at it like it was strange."

The doctor nodded. "We can figure that out once the baby's awake and off the sedative." Scott nodded, leaving it with them.

"I'm trying to get the nanny," Pepper said. "She's not answering."

"Okay, we're going to keep the baby," the doctor said. "If something's going on, we're required by law to report it to CPS as well." Stark nodded once. "Lord Thor's...."

"Home," Steve said. Clint walked in. "Thor left this morning."

"I just heard that." He came in to look at the baby. "She's making a really bad face, guys."

They looked, it was a grimace. They took a swab and ran it as well. The baby went on an IV like she had just come out of surgery and they waited to watch her wake up.

***

Darcy answered her phone the next morning. "Darcy Lewis," she said, even though she was nearly yawning. "Steve." She sat up. "What happened?" She listened. "Oh, no. Did she know?" She frowned. "Okay, so let's work on getting a better pseudo mommy for her? Yeah, I don't think it'll do much. Science is going to win. Stark's the same way, science wins over most everything. They've trained themselves to sink anything wrong or bad in their lives into science. Ask Scott. He might not know anyone who's an official nanny but he probably knows a few people who could do the work and be realistic." She pushed her hair back. "Exactly. Thanks." She hung up and got dressed, then packed and left. She ran into an agent downstairs. "Hi," she said when he grabbed her. "Get off me."

"Miss Lewis," he sneered.

She got free. "Yes, that is my name."

"It's not."

"It's not officially. I still have death threats on me so I'm still allowed to use my grandmother's name."

"You have credit cards in that name."

"No, I have full bank accounts in that name and they all know why." She stared at him. "Why does that concern you?"

"You're not supposed to do that. That's fraud."

"That's bullshit," she said with a grin. "I made sure first. For that matter, my debit card, which is what I use, is in my actual name now." He still tried to haul her off so she tripped him. "Dude, you're not an agent. You're a guy wearing a cheap suit. So don't even try."

"Your *friends* won't save you," he sneered. "You'll be of use."

She snorted, shaking her head. "I doubt that. And if I disappear, everything of mine goes to a few friends who I trust. You can't get much more trustworthy than someone like them."

"We have them too."

"Really? I hadn't heard the news that you guys kidnaped Rogers." He smirked and pulled out cuffs. "You'd better present a warrant too. Officer!" she yelled. "This man's pretending to be an agent!" He tried to pounce her but hotel security came to help her. Officers came right after them. Then a second set. The first set got arrested by the second with the agent. Darcy looked at the officers staring at her at the end. "I don't know," she admitted. "I've got three death threats against me. One from this week. One from a senator." The officer questioning her winced. "I have no idea what's going on beyond the fact that he tried to snatch me."

"That's a good idea to yell about, miss," the officer agreed. "Who're you?"

"The name I go by is Darcy Lewis. That's due to the death threats. My natal last name is DeCriths."

"Like that investment.... Oh."

"Yeah, that was my uncle's partner. He stole from me. He thinks all women are little girls who are stupid by nature."

"I know men like that," he agreed. "All right, can you sit down?"

"Yes. I'm not flying back for three hours." She sat down with her bag on the nearest chair and let them work. A detective came in to take a statement. She pulled up information on all the problems that had happened around her for him. That way they could figure out which cause it was. They had her escorted to the airport and she went back to her safer campus area. By that night she was in the middle of moving. She had heard back from one of her prior choices and would be working with them in Chicago. The move got moved up due to all this.

***

Darcy looked up from her filling out forms for a grant, smiling slightly at the woman standing there. "Yes, Agent Romanoff. Can we help you?"

"You're needed in New York."

"Why?"

"Jane's losing her mind."

She nodded once. "That's not my business any more. Jane was my friend but she made it not so."

"You could have given in."

"Yeah, I could've given in to be my boss's nanny instead," she said dryly, leaning back. "But I was her assistant and that's not who I wanted to be. She never asked, she assumed. If she had asked I would've turned her down."

"That may not be an issue now. Jane's been in a car wreck."

"And Thor's...." She waved a hand.

"Home."

"Jane's sister and mother?"

Natasha blinked. "Her mother?"

"We lived with her mother in London. They talk all the time. Jane actually gives up science to talk to her mother. I think Jane would want her daughter going to her instead. Even if I was the nanny she would've wanted that. Which is the problem with being the nanny. They become your kid then get yanked away from you."

Natasha stared at her. "I'll call her mother then."

"If you still need me, let me know. I can travel for a few days. Most of what I'm doing right now is preparing speeches and writing grants so I can do that long distance if I have to." She nodded and walked off. Darcy sighed, getting back to work. Her boss leaned out of her office to look at her. She looked up at her. "The scientist I was interning with decided I'd be her nanny instead." She winced. "Without asking. Just handed me the baby. I hate nannies and the whole nanny culture. My mom managed to work and raise me with some juggling and some babysitting now and then. I think most kids with nannies get screwed up a lot by the dichotomy of having a paid attendant they're supposed to respect like a parent."

"Yeah, I've seen that."

"So did I." She sighed. "I walked when Jane told me I was the nanny and handed me the kid. She got all huffy and pouty but no, that's not who I am. And I doubt Jane would want me to take the baby in front of her mother."

"Probably not. What about her husband?"

"Thor's at home."

"Oh!" She blinked a few times. "Oh. Really?"

"Yeah." She smiled. "I met Jane before I met Thor." She smiled. "Funny story, I actually tazed Thor once."

Her boss smiled. "You have balls, Lewis. That court case is next week."

"I know. I was planning on working from there anyway."

"I saw. It's fine if you have to go."

"If I have to go I will. She won't want me though. We didn't part on good terms when I basically told her I thought nannies were pathetic and I wasn't that way."

"No, you take care of people but not that way." She went back to her desk. It explained a lot about Darcy's suddenly going back to college. And why she had been in London during the elf thing.

***

Darcy showed up in New York with her bodyguard, who was actually Clint but she wasn't letting on that she knew that. He told her not to. They went to the hotel and checked in then settled in for the night. She looked at Clint once he had checked the room. "Okay, give. I'm used to the guys they send when I need one."

"We think HYDRA's going to do something," he said, sitting across from her on the bed. "They were involved in your uncle's partner and the law firm."

"I remember."

"So we think they're trying something against you."

"Like Magnus they probably consider me a weak little girl."

"Probably," he agreed with a grin. "We know better."

"I hope I don't turn into one."

"Me too, Lewis. Settle in. It'll only be for a few days."

"You know, they won't try it during the trial because I have to show up."

"You not showing up would tank the case and let the judge, who is related to a HYDRA agent, rule in their favor."

She nodded once. "Point. But I have anti-kidnaping things that would be released from the bank if I don't text every day. Including about all of that HYDRA stuff. Because that senator was taking bribes from them." Clint blinked. She nodded. "I looked. That was too strong of a response for his son screwing up. Showing up with weapons at the campus was a move of desperation, not of a mad father."

"We didn't think about him."

She smiled. "I'm a bit paranoid. You guys taught me that."

"Good point."

"Jane's mom?"

"Hates you."

She smiled and nodded. I know. She didn't really like me in London. Considered me hanging on her brilliant daughter's coattails as her intern. She told me Jane had a nanny more than once."

Clint shook his head. "We all thought you guys were close."

"We were. Then she ended it."

"You could've been more polite."

"Same ending," she said. "Same net effect. Being bluntly honest was nicer of me."

"Point."

"Any idea why HYDRA is wanting me so hard?"

"No. Not a bit."

"Damn. I was hoping it was something I've done that got their notice instead of them going 'she's an easy hanger on sort' about me." She grimaced. "It's sad when you want respect from the bad guys who want to kill you."

"I don't think they want to kill you. We think they want to do something to you."

She considered it. "Unless they want me to carry someone's spawn, and there's plenty that could do that, I don't know why. I'll never be the warrior Natasha is so they can't turn me into Bucky or a programmed agent."

Clint nodded. "We have no idea either. Though that's one we didn't think about."

"That's because you're not a woman."

"Point."

"And even if they married me off to someone and tried to control me, my trust fund goes to a few people. Including Steve. I know he'll use it in a way my mom would've liked."

"Probably," he agreed with a nod. "Huh. Does he know?"

"No." She smiled. "But I don't expect to die anytime soon."

"Good." He nodded. "Why don't you rest?"

"I'm fine. I rested on the plane. You should remember that since I napped on your arm."

"At least you don't drool," he quipped, going to the other room. She laid on her bed and fiddled with things on her laptop. "Don't update your facebook in case they're tracking you."

"I coded it as I'm doing something about the lawsuit," she said. "But I can remove it." He walked in. "I didn't mention the hotel. I go through a masking site so they can't track my ISP."

"Why?"

"Because I learned about being paranoid from somewhere."

"Always something useful." He walked back to the living room. He had his own bedroom in the suite. "Where are you going after this?"

"I'm meeting my boss in Paris for a UNICEF sponsored conference."

"Wow. How can you go back to the farm when you've seen gay Paree?" he quipped in a bad accent.

She smiled. "Not that hard since I've been there twice." He leaned in again, giving her an odd look. "High school trip then I went with Jane to a conference. I showed her a neat little bistro my class really liked."

"Huh." He went back to the couch, telling Coulson that. He pulled up her full file for Clint. "You went to the upper Middle East?" he called.

"On an educational thing. Mom always wanted to go and I went in her name. It gave new school books to kids."

"Interesting."

"We were there for two weeks. We played with the kids and read to them. We taught them some english words. I learned about ten phrases before I went over. I was the only one under the age of twenty-five and the kids were really nice to me. I only got hit on once by someone and I said I had to finish my own education so it'd be years before I became a wife. He wanted someone to help him with his goat herd."

Clint shook his head, making that note into the file. It was a nice story. Coulson's note back noted a few other trips so Clint brought his laptop in so she could make notes about them. She corrected one that it wasn't her but otherwise she had some good stories. Much nicer than his of going places for missions.

***

Darcy came back after her first day of testimony grumbling and swearing under her breath. Clint followed looking amused. Not even Thor could probably swear about people and goats that way with that style of phrasing. "Do women often have those problems?"

"Yes!" she complained, staring at him. "Often." She stormed into her room to change clothes and then eat a cookie. She had brought some up. She took two more then tossed Clint the bag, making him hum happily. She was pacing around muttering while she nibbled and thought. Maybe she'd have to show her ass a bit more the next day. So she pulled up more things her mother had done, staring at one. "Huh," she said. She followed that one. "I forgot all about them."

Clint knocked and walked in. "Your uncle got carjacked."

She looked up from her tablet, staring at him. "His present unfortunate wife or someone else?"

"We think it's her. Nasty divorce?"

"She's a money grubbing ho and a drug user. She's the one that got my cousin hooked." He winced. "He was cutting her off so she stabbed him a few months back. Which is why I went off on the investment people." She pulled her hair back into a ponytail. "Do we need to go to the ER or the morgue?"

He called that in and winced. "Morgue."

She nodded. "We can do that. I hope she's in jail."

"She hired."

"Have we turned over that information?"

"That's not really how SHIELD works, Darcy. We deal with terrorism."

"So what do you do with information you get that's not part of that?"

"I think we hand it to someone. I'm not involved in that."

"Can you ask if they did?"

He nodded, following her once she had what she'd need. "They said they'd hand it to the detective."

"Thanks." She walked into the morgue. "My uncle was just brought in. David DeCriths."

The morgue attendant looked. "His wife's made the identification, ma'am."

"She's not his wife. The divorce is mostly final and she's the reason he's dead." He called that back to the officers. She walked back there at an officer's wave. The woman shrieked and came at her so Darcy punched her. "That's for stabbing him a few months back, bitch." She hit her again. "That's for hooking my cousin on drugs." She kicked her. "That's for hiring someone to kill him."

"I didn't!" she shrieked. "It was his son!"

"Really? The sixteen year old kid you hooked on drugs and fucked repeatedly to groom him into your next husband? He did that? You sure? Last I heard earlier, he was still in jail." The woman got up and tried to scratch Darcy so she hit her again. "Real women punch because we worry about more than our nails. Just like my stepmom, you're a whore. An expensive one at that with the way you were trying to soak him in the divorce." The woman was sobbing while holding her nose. Darcy sneered at her.

"Watch me call someone about you. That family they mentioned that got removed by my great-grandfather? They're mobbed up. Uncle David and Mom both knew that." She was still crying. She looked at the detective. "I don't want her near her former husband. The divorce decree was signed and becomes legal in sixty days. Uncle David had preplanned a ceremony while he was with his first wife, Mabel. I can call her to see where it is." The ME nodded slightly. Darcy looked down then at her. "I'm sure you've seen plenty of former spouses in here," she said dryly.

"We sure have. Not too many nieces."

Darcy smiled. "I got treated like I was a bimbo earlier by a judge. She's my last straw."

The officer cleared his throat. "Ma'am? Who're you?"

"Darcy DeCriths, though I go by Lewis due to death threats."

"I'm going to tell them where you are," her step-aunt sneered.

Darcy looked down at her then shrugged. "So? Let them come. Some of us do more than lay there and think of the money." Her step-aunt tried to stab her in the leg so Darcy kicked her in the face. Darcy was wearing hiking boots. It made a pretty mess. "Huh, I didn't think I broke her nose but apparently I did. Oh well." She looked at the officer. "She's got two sugar daddies on the side, they can pay to fix it." She smiled. "It came out during the divorce. It was granted so fast because she stabbed him a few months back while she was high."

"Those divorces are heard faster for safety reasons," one of the detectives agreed. He looked that up and showed them. "It does say that. Also, he made a note if he died he didn't want her to do a thing about it."

Darcy nodded, pulling out her phone. "Aunt Mabel, it's Darcy and it's real bad news. Oh, on the news. Sorry. No, I'm at the ME's office. She's here too. Bleeding but here. Please. I know he had a preplanned one but not where. Thank you, Aunt Mabel, and if you talk to Auntie Cyndy and Auntie Betrice tell them I said hi and I'm sorry about his death." She smiled slightly. "You too, Aunt Mabel." She hung up. "She'll call the other ex-wives to make sure they didn't have different plans." The Detective was staring at her oddly. "Uncle Dave fooled around. A lot," she said dryly. "He was young, stupid, and a party boy. Aunt Mabel divorced him over that. Aunt Cyndy divorced him over him finding Aunt Betrice nicer than her, because she was a bit bipolar and kinda scary, and Aunt Betrice divorced him because he was a dick with power who had just started an investment firm. Long hours, thinking he was God, all that stuff. It annoyed her enough she sends most of her alimony payment to her church."

The detective nodded. "Wonderful. Would they have a reason?"

"He didn't leave them much in the will," Darcy said. "He remade it two months ago. He uses his friend Bradley. I used to use Bradley but half of his lower people were messed up in that problem with his investment firm and HYDRA."

"I remember hearing about that case," the officer said. Darcy smiled and wiggled her fingers. "Are you less mad now?"

"I wasn't mad at you guys. You guys didn't kill him, did you?" They shook their heads. "Then I have righteous anger against the whore that killed my uncle." Mabel stomped in. "Aunt Mabel." She hugged her.

"Darcy, doll." She hugged her back, sneering at the thing on the floor. "Pity you survived. I should fix that."

"I offered to call the distant cousins who're all mobbed up so were expelled from the family," Darcy said with a smile for her.

"Don't tempt me, dear. You know I'll do it. Just like your mother used to."

"Uncle David did say that you reminded him of his sister." She smiled at that. "And his grandmother."

"Often. She went to jail fighting for the right to vote and a few other times. Including for stabbing her philandering husband."

"Cheating is always wrong," Darcy quipped. She looked at the detective. "Am I being arrested for the righteous ass kicking I gave?"

"If she wants to press charges." He looked at the woman on the floor.

"No, she's not," Clint said, pulling out his ID. "We're guarding her due to the death threats and the HYDRA issue she stumbled into."

Darcy looked at him. "Don't do that, Clint. Really. You don't have to. If I go to jail for assault, so be it." She smiled. "It's a badge of honor in our family." Her aunt nodded but laughed.

"In many families," the ME quipped. "I'd do the same thing." She pointed. "I'm not required to clean up her mess."

Darcy got some paper towels and tossed them at her. "Clean up your mess. Real women can do that." She smiled at the officer again. Then at the ME, then at her aunt. "Do you need me to help, Aunt Mabel?"

"No, Darcy. You're stressed from that idiot judge. I was watching and he's a moron. You made sure payments were outlined in the trust paperwork. I remember you insisting on it." She patted her on the cheek. "Go soak in the tub and mourn him, dear. Even though he tried to screw you over, you were his niece and you have the right to mourn." She nodded, leaving with Clint. She clapped her hands. "Now that the young cub is out of the way." She turned and glared at the new wife. "I'm going to kill your pretty, stupid, greedy ass," she vowed. "I'll make sure you're *never* going to touch a cent of his money and if I can't, Cyndy can. Her uncle's got connections too. He'll be happy to help. He promised after the divorce anyway." The girl was cowering away from her. "How much did you pay them?" The woman sneered at her. She grabbed her by her hair, hauling her up. "I'd confess unless you want to join him."

"We'd have to stop you, ma'am," the detective said.

"Please don't make me more work," the ME said. "I need to make it home to my kids tonight."

She stared at the young woman. "I'd confess then kill yourself unless you want to see the rest of us. Because you will be and I can guarantee that you won't enjoy it." The woman dove for a scalpel and was stopped by the detective, who was glaring at her. "She needs to do it."

"We'd prefer her being in jail, ma'am."

"Why make others suffer by exposure to her?" she asked genteelly. "It's a horrible thing for those other prisoners." The woman struggled and tried to grab her but Mabel stared at her. "Come on if you're coming as Darcy says. I can handle your flirty little whore ass." The woman got free and panted, glaring at her. She pulled her bra gun and shot herself in the stomach. Mabel grimaced. "Really ineffective with that too. Bad in bed, bad in death. Pity you're so pitiful." She walked off to meet the other ex-wives. "She shot herself in the stomach."

"Pity she couldn't get that any more right than she could oral sex with David," Betrice said dryly. "You'd think girls like her were better in bed than she was." They came in with the paperwork for the funeral.

***

Darcy walked in the next day in a somber suit and her glasses on. "Hangover?" the judge asked dryly.

She glared at him. "My uncle was killed last night, Your Honor. No, I don't have a hangover. Nor did I drink." She watched him flinch back. "Some of us may have fun some Saturday nights but we're not the whore patrol or like our step-aunt was. Am I still on the stand? Also, I pulled out the award letters my mother received from various charities since it was noted yesterday that you didn't like the wikipedia list." She handed them to the bailiff. "That's from the last ten years of her life." She sat down and put her bag down beside her.

The judge took them, looking them over. "I see your mother was quite active in charity." Darcy nodded. "NOW, a few other pro-choice groups."

"My mother was very pro-women's rights. In all forms. She was very against the thought that women were weaker, should be weaker, and should be silent. It comes from well back in the line since my great grandmother was arrested multiple times as a suffragette."

"Interesting. So you're following her will?"

"Yes, I am, though I do tend to focus more on children's charities most of the time. They're usually understaffed and underfunded. I can pull up a list of my own donations for the last three years if wish."

"No, that's fine," he said, handing it back. "That answered the lingering question about your mother's wishes."

Darcy pulled out two other envelopes. "My mother's will, a certified copy. I had the lawyer fax it to the hotel last night. My father's will, again a certified, faxed copy." She handed them to the bailiff.

The judge took them to look over, nodding. "I see that they both said that you were their only heir and child. Your father's states you could lean on your uncle to do your self-appointed trust fund until you were ready to manage it." He grimaced, looking at her. "So why did you stop that?"

"My uncle handed my trust to Magnus, Mr. Steele," she said with a point at him. "Who believes women are bodies to be used with the mind of a newborn baby. I'm not like that. When I went to change it, he kept me waiting so I looked over my accounts. I had just graduated with an accounting bachelors degree. I found embezzlement so I called the lawyers while I waited for over an hour. If he had treated me with respect I wouldn't have found it until the yearly audit. Then again, I would've had it audited when I removed it from him as he always irked me with treating me like I had no use outside my vagina."

"Do not use that language," the judge ordered.

"Sorry, your honor, I thought the medical term was appropriate." She stared at him.

"Fine." He let the lawyers see the wills.

"Your Uncle died?" the defense attorney asked.

"Yes. His last ex-wife had him killed by a few thugs who car jacked him," Darcy said. "A few months back she stabbed him. It was during that visit that I found out he had moved me to that odious creep's handling."

"Is she in jail?" the defense attorney asked.

Darcy smiled. "I have no idea but I'm hoping she's in hell. I heard later from one of my other step-aunts that she had shot herself but it was a pathetic attempt in her stomach instead of a real one. The detectives had her confessing on the way to the ER I'm told. I can give you that step-aunt's name so you can ask her yourself if you wish."

"Did you hurt her?"

"My step-aunt or his last wife?"

"Her."

"Yes. I hit her for stabbing him, for addicting his son to drugs and screwing him repeatedly to groom him for her future spouse, and for having my uncle killed. She tried to fight back once so I kicked her. The detectives were standing right there with the ME."

He blinked a few times. "Most women wouldn't have."

"Real women worry more about their families than their nails," she said dryly. "My mother couldn't throw a punch worth a damn but she could and would have used a bat. She was aces at softball. Taught me how to catch." She smiled slightly.

"Yet you're letting a friend's child go to hell?"

"That is nothing to do with me. I was her intern, and her friend. She decided without talking to me about it that I'd be *honored* to be her nanny. And I'm not. When I heard something bad was going on, I told the person asking who she would have named custody to. We hadn't spoken since the day I walked off after telling her I wasn't going to be her nanny. If something happened and I had to take that child in, I would and I'd love her just like she was my own. Her mother was still in front of me and I told them that so they could do the proper things."

"Her mother called you a limpet."

"I was her intern and took care of her," Darcy said dryly. "She forgot to do things like eat and sleep for days on end due to being involved in her scientific work. Many of them are like that. Yes, I was staying with her half the time to make sure she didn't die. It was close a few times."

"Oh." He looked at the forms. "Is that the only time you've been to London?"

"No, I went when I was sixteen for a weekend while we gathered together for a trip overseas with a charity that gave books to poor schools in rural areas. We didn't get much sightseeing in but we did get to the spots around the hotel. I was the youngest on that trip."

"So that wasn't your first trip," he said.

Darcy shook her head. "No."

"Did your employer know that?"

"She didn't ask. I was happy to go to London. I remember liking London. I also took some weekend trips to nearby countries when she didn't need me."

"Oh." The lawyer grimaced. "Did you not have your own apartment?"

"I did. It was tiny and real estate is more expensive over there than it is here. I was a few blocks away but I had to keep with her because she got alcohol poisoning a few times when her studies depressed her and she was stuck so we went for margarita nights. I'd have the bartender cut her off after a few so she'd go home and drink some more while forgetting to eat to soak it up."

"Did her husband help with that?"

"He hadn't come back yet. That was before that incident."

"I see." He looked at the papers then at her. "What are you doing now?"

"I'm working for a very nice charity in Chicago that helps underprivileged children in the city get better educations through helping find them tutors, safe places to study, grants to some smaller schools to help them, and other things."

"Is that a precursor to public service of a different kind, Miss DeCriths?"

"It's been mentioned to me but I'm not thrilled with the idea because I don't want to live my life under a spyglass. Some day I may rethink that. Right now isn't the time for it."

"Someone applied for you to join an art council?" He held up a form.

She took it to look at, grimacing. "That's Uncle David's signature. I wish he had told me." She handed it back. "That's not my signature."

"Can you prove that?"

She looked in her bag, holding up something. "A signed statement from last night?" He took it to compare. "Mine loops a lot more."

"I see it does." He handed it back.

"Can I have a copy of that as well? I might like the art council. I'm not really into art but if it's supporting local artists I'm into that." He handed it over with a grimace. "Thank you." She tucked them into her bag then looked at him again.

"Do you still talk to any of the people you used to work with?" he asked.

"Yes, now and then I do. I have a few facebook friends from among the science staff and others in the tower. Including the bottom level receptionist that greets you when you come in."

He blinked a few times. "Is one of them an Avenger?"

"Yes." She smiled. "He's a very nice guy. He was a good friend to hang out with when I was there. We had many bored nights watching movies."

"Nothing romantic?" he sneered.

"No. I'm not his type. Even if I was I don't tend to date where I live or work. It causes stress so it's always a bad personal policy."

He stared at her. "At all?"

"No, not at all. The closest I came was going out on a single date with one of the security team in the tower. Far different department and he only saw me in the elevators every few days. He asked very nicely, he was a nice guy who I had talked to more than a few times. We went out to dinner but he was looking for someone who wanted to be a stay-at-home wife and I'm not that sort. We still chatted afterward and I introduced him to a new intern that came in who was more his sort."

"Interesting." He looked at his notes then at her. "Did SHIELD ever interview you?"

"Once. We were in New Mexico."

"You've been seen with their director."

"I met him in New Mexico when he stormed in to take all our work for a bit for daring to do something they couldn't. I remember they stole my iPod and I fussed about it until I got it back."

He blinked a few times. "Your last college had a letter from them stating you had permission to own a tazer."

"Yes they did. I've had that since London."

"What happened in London?" the judge demanded. "You're talking around it to protect someone's identity."

"We were there when the convergence happened, Your Honor. With the Dark Elves. We were on site at the college when it happened."

"Oh, I see. What did you do?"

"I helped a bit." She smiled. "It was thought someone might come after me for that so I got permission to carry and own my tazer no matter what. When they fell they asked someone in the FBI to do the same and I have a letter from them as well due to the prior death threats. I have laminated mini copies if you want to view them."

"Not necessary," he decided. "Get on with it."

"Miss DeCriths....are you going to go by your natal name anytime soon?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. I've gotten used to Lewis. All the banks I deal with know about it and why so I don't have any problems."

"Are you maybe sticking with it because you feel you don't live up to your parent's wishes?" he asked with a mean smile.

"No. I feel my parents would be pleased with most of my life." She smiled. "I use it still because in the last four years I've had three attempts from the first death threat." He gasped, stepping back. "I think that sucks and I'd like to avoid it. These last two just add to it."

"Are you going to change it again?"

"No. I can stay with Lewis. If they come for me again I'll handle it like I did the last one. Meanly." She smiled slightly. "I may not be the hardest thing to attack but I'm damn sure not going to let myself be taken out by some skinny whore's little minions. *That* my mother would be ashamed of."

"I..." He cleared his throat. "Your mother could fight?"

"No, my mother hired when she had to fight. Or when she thought my father was cheating that once. The PI told her he wasn't so he didn't have to beat my father up for it."

The defense attorney for the investment idiot blinked a few times. "Was he cheating?"

"No, he was planning a surprise anniversary present for her."

"Oh. Why didn't she look herself?"

"She was fighting her first bout of cancer."

He grimaced. "Would she have done it herself?"

"She would've locked him to the bed and talked to him in the middle of the night so I wouldn't have heard his screaming for mercy if he had cheated on her. I slept with a white noise machine back then because my mother used to snore." He groaned, shaking his head. She smiled. "It's something I've recommended to some others."

"You're not what most people would expect from a girl who grew up with money in LA," the judge said.

"No, Your Honor, some of us don't drink that often, wear panties, don't carry around a dog to talk to, and know how to drive," she said dryly. "They just get more attention because they do those mentioned things on purpose and people like paps like that. People like to see people doing bad things. That's why they watch NASCAR for the wrecks. Those celebutantes are like the wrecks of rich kids."

He looked at her. "Not all of them."

"No, some are worse and are in jail." She smiled. "I wasn't raised like that. I was taught to be the power behind the power until I had to step out and prove that I could do it myself."

"I can see that. Can you actually manage your own trust without help?"

"I can. I had plans on going to a new investment person I trust to do the minimal investments I do as I'm still learning stocks, bonds, and futures. Actually, I was handling it just fine for a year after my mother died as a way to distract myself but then I got wound up in school and didn't have the time or energy so I signed on with my uncle to let him do those things. It takes a lot of time to do that every day."

"You're still going to let someone do your investments?"

"Yes. I'll be doing a lot of hands on work with them over it but they already agreed with my ideas on how to invest and how much to invest. Plus where to invest. As soon as this is over with, I'll be turning that account over to her."

"Is she going to do this?"

"No. She's bonded and her company is a rather prominent firm that has good results. We work together on a political charity group. Also, I never let more than two percent of my net worth go to investments that aren't safe."

"I could rule all this goes to your uncle's partner." The judge smiled.

"Which would be appealed the same day," she said. "As nowhere in anything would give him that right even if I died. Also, that is not all my net worth. That is what I got from my mother's will when I was fourteen. Upon my majority I received control of my mother's funds and upon my father's death I received the rest of their marital assets. None of which were covered by that small trust fund, Your Honor." He groaned, shaking his head. "Frankly, that fund's going to be going toward my charitable donations over the next thirty years. I'm using most of it to set up a foundation in my mother's name."

He stared at her. "You're mouthy."

"No, like Mr. Steele there, you expect me to be brainless and a bimbo," she said dryly. She stared him down. "Mouthy is not telling the truth, which I've been doing. Mouthy is pointing out that you should have recused yourself because you play handball with both lawyers." She smiled. "If you wish I can switch to being mouthy instead of honest."

He spluttered. "All lawyers know each other, miss."

"I figured they do," she agreed. She smiled slightly. "Some more than others. The first judge over this had to recuse himself because he was someone's brother-in-law."

"I heard that." He glared at her. "I could still give it all to him."

"Which has no legal basis," she said. Her lawyer was nodding. "And really you'd have to fight to find some of it. I was turned paranoid a few years back." She stared at him. Her lawyer was laughing. "Sorry but truth."

Her lawyer stood up. "Your Honor, there's no precedent for moving any of her money out of her care. She inherited it. It's her duty to figure out how to spend it and save it. He blatantly stole it from her. We, and her last lawyers, all really detest his actions of making Darcy turn mean and tougher. She's usually much nicer and happier. Most people consider her to be a fluffy, happy person. Then this happened and a few of her friends are wondering where that happy person went."

Someone kicked in the door. "Freeze, hands up, guns down," they shouted.

Darcy looked at him. "I don't believe you did that."

"Do you know him?" the judge demanded.

"No. I know what he is. He's wearing HYDRA's marks." She pointed. The guy stomped her way. Darcy put up a fight. He clubbed her in the head and she bit him, making him scream. She kicked him back and grabbed her tazer, hitting him with it. He screamed and wet himself. "I don't think so." She looked around. "My bodyguard?" she called.

"In the hallway fighting with people," the bailiff noted after looking. "Can I, Miss DeCriths?" She handed him the tazer. "Thank you for the assistance."

"He was coming for me. Women have to be self rescuing these days." She grabbed her bag and a few things from it. "Your Honor, for obvious reasons I'm going to go somewhere safer."

"Go," he agreed with a hand wave. "We'll skype your testimony tomorrow, young lady."

"Yes, sir." She hurried off. She kicked one of the guys fighting with Clint in the knee then jammed her mini tazer into his neck. He screamed and went down. Clint got the other one. "We're skyping the rest of the testimony." He nodded, taking her outside. "Subway?" she suggested with a point.

"Too many people."

"For them too. Cabs are more dangerous and confining."

"Point. The rental car's probably boobytrapped too." He took her with him down into the subway and uptown then back to Bed-Stuy to his little apartment off-tower. He called in once they were safely in the train. "What was that?" he asked her, hovering over her. She handed over the mini tazer, making him smile. "Yours?"

"Bailiff. I left it in the guy's legs."

"Good idea."

"Chest armor."

"Good point." He looked it over then handed it back. "Anything more useful?"

She held up her wallet and phone. "And I grabbed the poisoned lipstick someone mailed me recently." She held it up with a grin. "I was going to give it to you later so you could figure out who to give it to."

"That's fun," he said, tucking it into his jacket pocket. They got off a few stops early and walked, Darcy looking at her feet. He looked at them. "Nice shoes," he said.

"Comfy enough but not for miles of walking. I can manage it."

"You sure?"

"Yup."

"Okay. I have bandaids for when it starts to bleed later."

"That I might need." He grinned at her. She grinned back. They headed into his apartment and he called an agent to gather their stuff from the hotel to bring to them. He went out to meet them somewhere and came back with their bags. Darcy took her laptop to look over, tossing over a small USB stick device that she didn't own.

Clint took it to run, shaking his head. "Natasha."

"That's nice of her."

"HYDRA upped your capture reward."

"Why?" She looked at him. "Why would they want me at all? We're not that close of friends. I'm not in the tower anymore. Most of you won't talk to me anyway. So why me? They can't hope to get the family money and probably don't need it."

"We've been trying to figure that out for months," Clint admitted. "Or why they kidnaped a few starlettes."

"Why would they?" she asked with a grimace.

"They're pretty, kind of curvy, and a lot more meek than you," he said.

She stared at him. "So I fit the need for something and they don't know many curvy brunettes?"

"Apparently not."

"There's tons of us."

"We don't know, Darcy. We're blind and confused."

"Has anyone interrogated?"

"Twice now. They don't know."

She considered it. "Is Bucky safe?" He looked confused. "They could be trying to take him back to the forties. Then curvy was in and meant healthy."

He considered it then nodded. "That could be but he's safe in Louisiana."

"He was in Chicago three weeks ago. I caught a side-view of him at something in the park. I didn't fully look because I didn't want to draw attention to him or me."

He sent that to Natasha. He waved his phone. "Natasha said she didn't realize that but was that a political rally?"

"Yeah. For some new up and comer who has ideas. I was listening to see what he was babbling about. We think he's an idiot against humanity but weren't sure because he says nothing when he talks."

"I've seen those," he said. "HYDRA?"

"Not that I've seen. He didn't proclaim it." She frowned, shrugging some. "He was very much all poor people are bad and going to kill us all for being wealthy."

"Those do suck on the level of stupid."

"They're the vacuum on the end of the stupid side of the line, sucking others closer."

He grinned. "Did you hear a presidential candidate mentioned you?"

"Yes, and I sent him a legal letter saying I did not want associated with him and I was against everything he stood for," she said blandly. "Then published it the next day." Clint laughed. "Eww, even if I didn't have taste, I have taste. He's the only guy I know who had to keep buying new models when he wore his out. They all age really fast, have you noticed?" He walked off laughing. Darcy relaxed, looking at her feet. They were red but not bleeding. She got into her social feed. "Hmm. Steve facebooked me to be careful today." Clint took her phone to read over as he walked off to make coffee. She smiled, pulling out a book. Clint could handle things and if he wanted her help he'd ask.

***

Darcy was on the roof that night, with Clint's permission to see if she drew anything to her. She turned at the sound of quiet footsteps, smiling at him. "Bucky. How are you?"

"Safer than you," he said, staring at her. "What are you doing?"

"Suing someone while avoiding a lot of problems."

"I heard."

She smirked a tiny bit. "I have no idea why they want me. The rest just think I think with the boobs instead of my brains."

"I knew guys like that," he admitted.

Clint walked over, bow over his shoulder. "Hey, Bucky, any idea why HYDRA wants pretty brunettes?"

"No. Not a clue," he admitted with a grimace. "No one has any idea and I've asked."

She patted his metal arm. "Thank you for trying to protect me from them." She looked at Clint then at Bucky. "I can let you guys talk."

"Nothing I can't say in front of you, Lewis."

"I don't work in the tower anymore, Bucky. I'm not privy to Avengers secrets." She stared at him. "So if I should go I can."

"You're good," Clint said. He looked at Bucky. "Any good news?"

"It's some higher up's plan but no one's sure and they're in the Belgian office." Bucky put his hands in his pockets. Darcy was staring at him. "What?"

"Belgium? HYDRA wanted chocolates?"

"Or diamonds," he said.

"That's The Netherlands," Darcy said. Bucky blinked a few times. "It is."

"It is," Clint agreed. He hit his emergency switch and pulled a knife but Bucky had already thrown something at him. Darcy had ducked out of the way and inside the building.

Bucky followed her once he had knocked Clint out. She wasn't in Clint's apartment. Or anywhere else he could track. He didn't find her phone so he could track her that way. Only she had changed her number or turned it off when he tried that. "Smart girl," he said. He walked out onto the street and into Stark in his suit waiting on him. "Awww. You're protecting her."

"No," Stark said. "Lewis is here?" Bucky glared and attacked. Stark fought back. From upstairs an arrow came down to embed in Bucky's lower back, making him scream as he fell down. "That's sweet, Hawkass," Stark called. "She with you?"

"No. She ran. She's smart that way."

Darcy looked out of the alley, waving some. "I'm still hiding because you're not the smarmy asshole you usually are." She ran off again.

"Lewis," he called. "It's safe."

"Sure it is," Natasha said as she got out of a car. She looked at Bucky then at Stark. "Barton?" she called. He came out of the building. "Track Lewis before she runs into a gang or something evil."

"Fine. Him?"

"Someone put something on him earlier and it's screwing with him. He managed to make it out of the tower while under guard." Clint nodded, heading off. "We should talk," she told them. Bucky went into the trunk with something to disable his arm. Stark's armor got opened and he got hauled into the back of the car while the armor was left there for Clint to handle. Or a SHIELD agent probably. She took them to a nice, neutral warehouse to talk to them.

Clint found Darcy in a tiny coffee shop. The owner waved at him and pointed. He walked in. "Lewis?"

"Pretty girl running like hell?"

"Yeah." He went to get her. "Hey," he called into the storage room. He looked behind the door first. It was stereotypical but dangerous. "Darcy?" No answer. "It's Clint, Darcy." He heard a muffled move and went that way. He found something he didn't want to see. Thor, a very mad Thor. "Put her down, Thor. Don't make me shoot you."

"She defamed my wife," he said.

"I didn't say a thing that wasn't true, Thor," she ground out. She could barely breathe. "I had to take Jane to the ER three times for alcohol poisoning." He roared and lifted her up. Clint stabbed him in the side and Darcy tumbled but managed to get back to her feet, holding her side. "If you had seen it, I didn't say a thing about Jane. I never do to protect her. Unlike her trashing me in the press for not wanting to be your servant." He glared at her. She stared back. "I'm done," she decided. "Fuck this shit." She hit Thor with her tazer then looked at Clint, who backed up with his hands up. "What the fuck is going on, Clint?"

"We have no idea, Darcy." She glared. "I swear, we don't."

"Uh-huh. Maybe I should go somewhere else to be safer. Let me go do that." She limped off.

"Want medical?" he called.

"No. I'm fine." She disappeared outside and headed off. She knew taking a cab was a danger but the cab driver didn't do more than give her funny looks. She paid and left, heading back home to hide. No one could find her apartment. It was inside a security conscious apartment complex that held sixteen buildings, of which three had apartments randomly spread throughout it mixed in with fake apartments. Hers was in one building and she knew she had another neighbor somewhere in the building but not where. She had made sure they had no ties to HYDRA or any other bad group. They may have a tie to the mob but otherwise nothing huge. She was safe there. She paused in the security office, staring at the head guard. "I had HYDRA show up for me," she said quietly. "Three times while I was in New York."

"Miss Lewis, do you need a medic?" he asked. "We have one on call."

She shook her head. "It's a sprained knee and a bruise on my chest right now. Just letting you know, Craig. We even had one that broke into the courtroom to kidnap me." Craig probably wasn't his name but it was on his shirt tag.

"Got it, ma'am. If you need us, let us know."

"I will. I'm going to hide and maybe cry a bit." She limped off to her building through the tunnels. She tossed out her fake phone in a recycling bin on her way. Her real one was in her apartment. It had no GPS chip. Craig's people had removed it for her when she had asked. The building wide wifi system was all shielded. It cost a ton to get in here but it was safer. She walked into her apartment, taking down her hair on her way to the bathroom. She looked at her phone and sent out an 'I'm fine and safe' message to her friends and left it there. If someone wanted to text or call, they'd have to wait until she had a bath. Maybe a good cry too. It was a good day for it.

When she got out she had three facebook messages saying she should be safe now, they had fixed their own problems. She sent back a 'thanks' and left it there. She was done. "Maybe I'll change my name again," she said. "It might be easier." She got dressed in something comforting and took some advil with some wine then sat down to watch tv. The whole complex got a huge cable package included in their purchase of their apartment and yearly fees. It was comforting at times.

***

Darcy looked up the next day as someone knocked on her door, frowning at it. She thought about not answering but it was probably someone on the security team. She turned the tv to the hall camera, wincing at who she saw. She got up and went to open the door, staring at Coulson. "No, I'm not helping with anything," she said, taking her bag. "Thank you for rescuing that for me." She tossed it onto her couch.

"Your laptop's in there," he said, staring at her from the hallway. "They rescued Barnes and fixed Stark last night."

"Steve sent me a facebook message." She stared at him. "How did you find me here? So I can warn them."

"We have two agents who live in this complex," he said dryly. He smiled at her. A real smile. "Nice job hiding, Lewis."

"Thank you. Are you HYDRA now too?"

"No." He walked in and shut the door, staring at her. "We still have no idea what the plot was. Barnes knew something about it, they were supposed to help him with something going on." She grimaced but made a hand-waving motion in the air. "The actresses were saved after being brainwashed."

"Were any of them any good?"

"Wouldn't you care if they weren't?" he asked.

"Usually. Today...." She grimaced. "I'm not really caring about much today to be honest. Right now I'm having to make plans."

"I hope the plans include more safety?" he asked.

"The plans are possibly hinging on me changing my name again and leaving the country."

He blinked a few times, sitting down on the couch. "I don't think that's necessary."

"No one thought HYDRA would break into the courtroom either."

"No, that was a feint to get you into somewhere more open."

She stared at him. "Good to know."

"You confused them a lot by hitting the subway."

"Cabs were even less safe and more confined."

"True. Uber would've taken too long." She nodded. "Your car?"

"I emailed the rental company about the death threat that broke into the courthouse and where the car was. Plus made sure to mention we couldn't use it in case they had it jury rigged somehow."

"They found it was rigged to stall after a few blocks so they could pick you two up."

"So they wanted me and Clint?"

"Clint was an added value target," he said. "Are you mad at him?"

"No. But I know I can't trust a single one of you."

He sighed. "I don't think that's going to happen, Darcy."

"I think it already has. Who told them I was with Clint?"

"We think Stark when he was controlled. What happened to your phone?"

"That was one I got out of a machine," she said. "I reformatted it and tossed it into a recycling bin. Expensive but practical."

"It was," he agreed. "Clint's idea?" She shook her head. "Oh. That's good."

"I did learn hard about paranoia," she said blandly. "You all made sure of it."

He nodded. "We tried to keep you safe."

"And you usually did. But I still learned by watching. And last night I learned not to trust anyone I used to know since Thor attacked me."

"Clint said that. Are you all right?"

"Bruises. No offense but I'm not flashing them at you since they're on my chest."

"I don't need to see," he promised. He stood up. "Someone had a talk with the judge about being HYDRA related. The head judge of the district had a talk with him about his condescending problems towards women." She smiled but shrugged slightly. "I don't think he'll need to call you back."

"I have that number forwarded to mine through an answering service so they can text or call if they need me."

"Good. Smart girl." She barked. He smiled a tiny bit. "Also appropriate. Are you safe here?"

"I'd hope so. They'd all hope so."

"Point. I'll let you recover and rest. When you're ready to go back to work, your boss knows that you'll be safe. It was covered on the news out there because of the fight." She winced. "Oh, Clint sent your heels back as well." He pointed at the bag. "Be safe, Darcy."

She nodded. "I'm trying. Just make them leave me alone."

"If I can." He left, going back to his people. He didn't like how defeated she seemed, she was usually more spunky, but he'd be upset after a few attacks that way as well he supposed. Hopefully this was mostly done with so she could go back to being a normal person again. His team had new information for him and he took it to the Tower. He walked into the meeting room. "People."

"Is she all right?" Natasha demanded.

"Yes. Paranoid but fine. She wanted to make sure HYDRA wouldn't come near her again." He sat down. "We have some information." He let them see it.

"This plan using Barnes?" Clint asked from his seat in the corner watching the doorway.

"Ended we hope," Coulson said. "What happened with Thor?"

"He decided she dishonored Jane," Clint said. "He had her in a bear hug when I found them and nearly threw her down like a football until I stabbed him. He dropped her but she rolled mostly effectively."

"She's bruised but she insists she's fine."

Natasha handed on the information to Steve. "Where is she?"

"Chicago. Her very safe speciality apartment."

"It's safer than here?" she asked.

"That one complex?" Clint asked. Coulson nodded. "Yeah, that's pretty safe and they do test for HYDRA." Natasha looked at him. "Where Berrings lives."

"Oh, there. That sounds nicely safe," she agreed quietly. Steve was staring at her. "Specialty apartment for spies and the like."

"Interesting." He handed on the information. "What do we do about this?"

"We stop the stupid as she put it," Coulson said. "Hopefully very hard and very soon. Is Barnes in any shape to figure out what they wanted?"

"He's been doing that from the infirmary all night," Steve said. "He's still not sure why her."

"She thought it might have something to do with you two's original time frame," Clint said.

"She could pass with some hair styling," Steve admitted, considering it. "The other actresses?"

"About the same style of woman," Natasha said. "Probably couldn't handle themselves. Darcy is known to have some street smarts and abilities to defend herself."

Coulson smirked a tiny bit. "She found out that senator was HYDRA related too. They're the ones that sent him after her to avenge his son."

Steve groaned. "They've wanted her for a while then."

"Yes. We don't know why."

"I can ask Bucky," Steve said quietly. "Maybe he knows." He looked at Natasha. "Did you catch anything?"

"Not a thing about her. None of them knew anything but they wanted her. Can we get her to stay inside for a few days?" Natasha asked. "So we have time to clean it up?"

"That could take months," Steve said. "She's working."

"She can do a lot of it at home," Coulson said. "I talked to her boss about what happened. She was panicking because of the news broadcast. I told her Darcy was fine, just bruised and sulking some."

"Sulking?" Natasha demanded.

"Thor," he reminded her. She grimaced but shut up. "She was considering changing her name again and leaving the US to get away from all this."

Clint nodded. "It's something that the college student Darcy would've done," he agreed. "Not this Darcy."

"It's possible it's smarter," Steve said.

"Most of the places that aid workers go are horrible," Natasha told him. "War zones and having droughts. Places that aren't always safe for women even if they're from there."

"That's not a good idea then," Steve agreed. "Can we stop all this wanting her?"

"I don't know," Coulson said. "She's proved she's not the usual target to sit down and cry."

"I can see that," Steve agreed. "Which makes her a more exciting target. They have to realize that Natasha didn't teach her anything though." Natasha glared at him. "You didn't. None of us worked on her hand-to-hand. We just made sure they didn't go out if it was too much risk that day."

"She didn't ask."

"I wouldn't ask you either," Clint said. "You were kind of a bitch to her, Nat." He looked at Steve. "She hasn't had a lot of teaching but after that campus attack she took some with the dorm's girls. The local PD and the campus sent in people to teach them how to protect themselves just in case because they didn't want to see that again either."

Natasha looked at him. "What?"

"There were frat boys who decided to do a raid and attack on a dorm," Clint told her. "Darcy was the RA on one of the floors due to lack of housing in the area."

"Oh." She nodded. "The time she was bruised." Clint nodded. "Then it's good they learned how to protect themselves."

"The campus was all about the women being protected," Coulson said. "They had to have a long protest against the teacher who thought women were there to be protected like children because otherwise men couldn't be men." She shook her head with a groan. "Darcy helped lead that."

"Of course she did. Women should be respected," Steve said. Stark stomped in. "Are you better?"

"Fully cleared," he said. He sat down, glaring at Coulson. "Why do they want her?"

"We don't know," he said. "There's a thought that the women they were kidnaping could have passed for Bucky's original time."

Stark paused. "Yeah, she could." Steve nodded. "Is she safe?"

"At home," he agreed.

"In New York?"

"Chicago," Clint said. "She's working with a charity in Chicago."

Stark snorted, shaking his head. "It's not safe there."

"She's got an extremely safe apartment," Coulson told him. "It's very hard to find; you can't get their records even with a warrant."

"There's former SHIELD agents who live there," Clint said. "Very paranoid ones."

"Good to know," Stark said. "Do we have that sort of thing here?"

"No," Natasha said. "Not that we've seen."

"So how do we help her?" Stark asked.

"We stop the HYDRA plans," Steve said. He handed over the information they had. Stark read it over, grimacing. "We don't know what their end game is."

"So it's safer for her there," Stark agreed. "For now."

"I doubt she'll want to come back," Clint said. "Last night she was looking at us like we all betrayed her." Stark grimaced. "You, Thor, Barnes. Hell, she looked at me like I was part of it before limping off."

"She's bruised," Coulson agreed. "Her leg had one. She was wearing shorts. She mentioned her chest too."

"Thor can do that to many people," Natasha said quietly. "Can we get her someone to watch over her?"

"No," Coulson said. "We can't insert someone into the charity she works with to watch over her. She'd know."

Scott walked in reading something. He handed it to Steve. "From the group's email. The judge found in her favor and sent the investment guy to jail." He looked at Coulson. "Can I help? Almost no one knows me. I've barely heard of Lewis but it sucks that some young woman is in danger."

"She's twenty-six," Stark said. "Not a college kid." He looked up. "She's tougher than she looks, Scott. She always was. She gets it from her mom."

"You knew her mother?" Coulson asked.

"Yeah. Her mother was my godmother. My mom was hers." Coulson winced. "I didn't realize it until the day she quit and told me but yeah, I knew her as we grew up. She's younger of course but I looked out for her sometimes. Her parents ran in the same social circles I used to when I wasn't partying for fun. Her mother was the backbone of steel when she wanted to be. After my parents' funeral she pulled me aside and warned me not to do something stupid to follow them. That my father would kick my ass and then hand me to my mother to finish off. Damn, that was the about three years before she went into the hospital the first time."

"So Darcy's got the same steel will," Scott said. "That's helpful. It means she'll protect herself instead of sitting down to cry."

"She'll do that later," Clint said.

"Most people do," Scott agreed. "Especially if it's too bad."

"The night after the attack in London she and Jane just got drunk," Coulson said. "Then Jane went home slightly sober with Darcy and wasn't seen for two days."

"With the way Jane doesn't eat, alcohol poisoning is very common," Stark said.

"That's what she said on the stand that made Thor mad," Clint told him.

"Great. Though we've all seen her do it."

Clint frowned, looking at Coulson. "What happened in New Mexico that nearly killed Jane?"

"Some sort of desert parasite was eating her from the inside out," he said. "We checked before going out there to handle that situation." He looked at Scott. "That's when Thor landed."

"Interesting. Was she on SHIELD's radar before then?"

"No. Not in the least. We had no idea who she was when we went out. The background check missed the name change since it wasn't legally done. We had no idea about anything until the day she quit. She wasn't actively hiding it but she never said anything so we didn't note it."

Clint grinned. "That's helpful though."

"Not really," Coulson said. "It could be dangerous for her now."

"The more we know about her, the more HYDRA seems to want her," Steve said.

"She said they can't want her family's fortune," Clint said. "They have plenty of money. I didn't think it was Stark level of money."

Stark shook his head. "Not fully. About a third of what I'm worth. Now, her uncle's estate might be a bit weird." Coulson frowned. "His last ex-wife hired some thugs to kill him. Darcy kicked her ass and his first ex-wife made her want to commit suicide but she only shot herself in the stomach. The detective's report and the ME's report both state that they don't want to run into Darcy being mad again and hope that they never have another relative of hers. We have no idea what his will's going to state. That could raise her up more." He shifted to lean back. "She's high enough up that I'm shocked she hasn't had any male gold diggers show up."

"She's dated a few times," Clint said. "She can see through those sort."

"Good. Sometimes they hide it better but good."

Steve shook his head. "I don't remember anyone being like that before."

"Remember all those bimbos that hung on my dad?" Stark asked sarcastically. "It'd be marrying one of those only male."

"Oh, them. Gold digger is their present name instead of bimbo or a loose dame?"

"Bimbo was around that long?" Scott asked, smiling at him.

"Yeah, started out as a really dumb guy but then when I was a kid it turned into a blonde dame who had curves but was kinda dumb when I was a little kid."

"Bimbos who wanted wallets," Stark said. "Same thing as a gold digger. Meaning they'd dig the gold out of the old guy's teeth when they're sleeping with him for his wallet."

"There's been women like that all the time," Steve agreed. "Guys too. Pretty, rich women always had to be extra careful of their reputation."

"Yeah, now the reputation is easier," Clint said. "Darcy at least hasn't been on anything like TMZ for doing slutty stuff."

"She doesn't wear loose outfits," Steve said. "Usually you can't see a thing of cleavage, just the shape of her body."

"Women's clothing isn't built for women with her chest size," Natasha said. "It'd usually show more than it would on other women." She looked at Coulson. Clint coughed so she glared at him. "What?"

"She compared you to her stepmother a few times," he said dryly. "Something about how women were really predators and couldn't be decent to each other."

"She wasn't like us."

"So you couldn't be polite?" he asked, staring at her. "I could be polite and I have less manners than you."

She scowled. "I did try to keep it to myself and be polite to her. If I had known she spoke some Russian I would have kept it farther from her."

"If she had been the gold digger you accused her of being, many times," Clint said. "Don't you think we would've seen cleavage a lot more often than her scarves and beanies? I started to worry she had a body issue thing going on with how covered she usually was. Then she started to pat people and didn't mind it back so I figured it wasn't trauma induced."

She huffed. She looked at Coulson again. "I was indelicate," she said at his curious look. "But I said it in Russian. Apparently her school had everyone take some to satisfy the headmistress."

"Who ended up marrying some Russian diver she rescued," Stark quipped.

Coulson looked that up, frowning at it. "She did. They still teach Russian in honor of her. She died a few years back. Interesting." He closed that tab. "I've been hoping she'd go into politics so we could have an ally."

Steve stared at him. "Being in the public like that sucks. They report on everything you do."

"Which was her reservation," Coulson said.

"Shouldn't you ask her about it?" Scott asked. "It's her life."

"I only suggested it and she gave me reasons why she hated that idea," Coulson told him. "You can't force someone into politics against their will."

"Her mother thought that politicians were worse than Satan," Stark said. "They all succumbed to power and politics eventually."

"Not like they'd listen to most women anyway," Steve said. "The ones they have there they don't listen to now."

"Good point," Coulson agreed. "If one of you wants to run for office, let us know first please?" They all scowled at him. He smirked back. "It could help."

"No thanks," Stark said dryly. "I'd never get it."

"You'd get the bimbo vote," Clint quipped.

"They don't vote," Steve said. "They're too busy doing their nails." Clint laughed but nodded. "So how do we handle this?"

"We talk to Barnes," Coulson said. "See if he can confirm anything in our theory. Maybe it'll shake something loose. I have agents keeping track of her online presence and work to make sure she's not attacked there."

Steve texted someone from his phone. Barnes walked in. "We have a few theories about why they want Darcy."

Bucky sat down, taking the information to look over. "Is she safe?" he asked Coulson, staring at him.

"Outside of maybe at work," he said. "She's already ordered a new tazer."

"Good. Though I'd feel better if she had a gun."

"I'm not sure if she knows how to shoot," Coulson said. Clint nodded. "She any good with it?"

"We made sure," Clint said. Steve nodded once.

"Good," Barnes said. He handed back the sheets. "What theory do we have?"

"They think they're kidnaping women who'd remind you of the old days," Steve told him.

Bucky frowned. "I don't know why they would but she could pass."

"Is there some sort of event that could require that?" Natasha asked.

"Not that I'm aware of," Coulson said, looking at Stark. He looked it up, shaking his head. "Nothing social?"

"No, nothing social anywhere that the press has heard. So I'm going to guess a wacky plan. Bucky's older than they probably want. Injured repeatedly. If they have him brainwashed again, they could probably brainwash someone to be his wife sort."

"Which would give them kids that they'd train with me," Bucky said quietly. Stark nodded. "That makes sense. It'd work with the original memories too. They'd only have to compress the later ones so probably easier." He looked at Steve. Who patted him on the arm.

"They might also bring in some orphans that Darcy would inherit," Natasha said. "Some supposed cousin's child."

"Because that happened," Steve agreed. "That's going to suck."

"Maybe the actresses weren't fertile?" Stark asked, staring at Coulson.

"That wasn't noted anywhere but I'd expect any woman to be on birth control these days." He typed out a message. "The after incident medical records don't note anything except one was complaining about her IUD not being there afterwards. So maybe. When they had you do you remember them introducing anyone to you?" he asked Barnes.

"No." He frowned. "Not that I'm aware of."

"Could be that you rejected the others," Steve said. "Noticed something about them that said it was wrong." Coulson pulled up their pictures, sliding his tablet down. "They're all too skinny," Steve said. "Healthy girls had some weight but not a lot. They had real curves. All these are skinny girls with fake breasts."

Barnes looked, frowning and pointing. "I remember seeing her but not where."

"We saw her last movie a few days before you got taken," Steve said.

"Oh, okay." He shook his head quickly. "They are kind of skinny for forties women. Jane Mansfield they're not."

"Which is something that drew your attention," Coulson said. He pulled up a picture of Darcy in a fifties style dress for something. "What about that?"

"Dress is a bit puffy but she's the sort of dame I'd ask to dance."

"I'd have danced with her too," Steve agreed. "Then she'd smile at you and you'd be hooked." He noticed Clint grinning at him. "She reminds me something of my mother too."

Barnes looked at him. "Not physically."

"No, but her manner. She takes care of those she likes. She bakes. She cooks, she talks to what she's cooking."

"True, your mom was like that. She was definitely a womanly woman." He nearly jumped when he heard a kid screaming. "What's that?"

"Jane's daughter with Thor," Stark sighed. "FRIDAY?" he called. "Is the baby in trouble?"

"Walking, sir," the AI reported. "Ran into the elevator door. She's frustrated."

"Can you herd her back toward her mother?"

"She didn't know how to teach her things. She said she gets on better with older children," the AI reported. "Her nanny hasn't shown up today."

"That's because her nanny's under arrest for drugging her," Coulson said. "If Thor's here can you herd the baby his way?"

"He's in the gym," the AI said after a pause. "I've let her onto the elevator and selected the right floor so she could toddle that way." Another pause. "She squealed at the mirrors and is in the wrong room. Let me tell Lord Thor where she is." Downstairs she cleared her virtual throat in the gym. "Lord Thor, your daughter is in the other gym playing with the mirrors." He quit working out and went to find her.

Upstairs Stark smiled. "Hopefully that'll keep getting better."

"Definitely," Natasha agreed. "I'm worried about the child's safety around here. We do get attacked regularly and she's never somewhere safe."

"She's got to get a new nanny," Stark said. "I'll have Pepper look up bonded nanny agencies again." He sent that message to her. "Maybe the Asgardian one will be here soon."

"Maybe," Coulson agreed. "Maybe a former agent?"

"If we could be sure of them, that's not a bad idea," Natasha agreed. "Would she allow it?" They all heard a door slam and Jane or someone stomping off. "Hopefully she would."

"I'd think she would," Stark said. "I have no idea what's wrong with her."

"Some people are not meant to be mothers," Scott said firmly. "Or dads."

"Sing it, brother," Stark quipped. "I'm one of those."

Coulson looked at him. "What about the Stark legacies? You don't have any cousins to take over."

He grimaced. "Don't remind me, Coulson. Really. I might have to leave it to Lewis or someone."

"Her will leaves things to Steve or a few others to take over for her," Clint said from his corner.

Steve looked at him. "Why would she?"

"Because you'd follow her charity work," Clint said. "And she'd trust you not to misuse it to hurt people."

"Oh."

"There's some others on the list too."

"That's weird," Steve decided. "Maybe she'll have a kid some day." He looked up the hall at the sound of crying. "What now?"

Stark listened. "One of the interns. I'm in here," he called. "What's happened!" Sometimes they were more fussy and whiny than the actual kid. The intern came walking in with someone else, handing her over. "She okay? I didn't hear an explosion."

"No, her experiment nearly exploded in her face so I canceled it on her," the intern, who Darcy had saved once, told him. "She's frustrated but we didn't want blown up today." He walked off.

Stark looked at her. "We'll talk about it in a minute. Take ten minutes until I'm done." She huffed off. "I'm really happy with him. I'm damn glad Darcy wrote me about him and saved him."

Coulson looked at him. "She did?"

"He did something screwy that sent his mind into a computer so he was in shock and called the suicide hotline. She got him talked down the day I went to recruit him."

"Huh." He nodded. "That makes sense. I can see her doing that."

"She said she had the experience a lot of the kids didn't so she was helping," Clint told him. "She and I have been writing for years. Now that no one's taking my mail from me I get cookies too."

Coulson hid his smile. "It's good you're still friends, Clint. You could both use more friends."

"She has many," Natasha said.

"In the life, you make acquaintances," Stark said. "Not friends. Friends are dangerous, just like they are for you, and mostly for the same reasons. They could use you or turn on you in a minute to get what they want to get done. It's why she didn't use her actual name to get a job. And why she refused to come to that charity award event I threw."

"That would've caused some drama," she admitted. She looked at Coulson. "What's my part in this problem?"

"Help us find their base," Clint said. "The one near her last college is shut down."

"We got it a few weeks after I visited to try to talk her into politics," Coulson said.

"Last night Barnes mentioned Belgium and diamonds but she corrected him that it's the Netherlands, not Belgium," Clint said. "That's when he attacked."

Bucky frowned. "I did?" He nodded. "Huh."

"We can look that way," Natasha said. "Let me start that." She went upstairs to start looking that up.

Clint nodded. "We'll figure it out but send me to help her. She'll still trust me."

Coulson nodded. "I can make that plan. Stark?"

"I'll help by looking but why diamonds?"

"It's what you buy your dame," Bucky said. "Your claiming mark."

"That makes that theory more likely," Coulson decided. "I'll warn her." He looked at Barnes. "Can you warn Steve if you get the urge to go see her?"

"Yeah, I can."

"Thank you. Let me go brief others." He left, calling Darcy on the way. "It's Coulson," he said. "We have an idea. Are you at work?" She quipped something and went to the bathroom to talk to him. "We think that the present plan was that you'd fit the forty's woman stereotype so they were trying to trick Bucky into thinking that whoever was his wife and bearing him kids." She quipped something. "Be serious." She said something.

"I hadn't known that. Would that matter?" He nodded once. "That's good to know. Yes, then they'd have people to train in the future. Please do be extra careful going to and from work. It's the least secure place you can be." She said something. "Good. Let me know if you get any hints of them." She told him where the local HYDRA people were in Chicago. He made notes. "I'll have them looked into. Be safe please." He hung up and sent that to Natasha and Stark then to his own people to look up.

***

Darcy's boss Shelly leaned out of her office when she heard the office door open, smiling at the nice looking young man there. "Can we help you?" she asked. It had been a quiet week since Darcy had come back to work so she hoped this wasn't a problem in the making.

"Hi, I'm Scott, your unpaid intern for the next four weeks, ma'am." He smiled.

She blinked. "I've heard nothing about that."

He grinned. "The college said they arranged it."

"Did they talk to Darcy, my assistant, about it?"

"They didn't tell me. I can call if you want me to. Is this a bad time to show up?"

"No, not really. Today's just a day of scheduling things. My assistant's at a meeting for me right now to arrange for another group to join ours for tutoring. Are you interested in working with children?"

"I'm more interested in working with post-offenders who want to go straight and are having problems. There's a lot of obstacles in their way. Including education usually."

"There are," she agreed. "And to be honest, with the current political climate, some of our kids will some day be some of yours."

"It's always a great thing if we can stop that from happening." He smiled at the pretty brunette coming in muttering at her coffee cup. "Afternoon, ma'am."

She paused, staring at him. "Do I know you?" she asked. She could've sworn she's seen pictures of this guy somewhere.

"Darcy!" Shelly complained. "He's an unpaid intern."

"That's cool. Unpaid is often a lot of fun in the end. I did that for a few years." She shook his hand. "I'm Darcy."

"Darcy, why were you muttering?" Shelly asked, looking worried.

"Marjorie said that poor kids don't matter as much as her orphans and they should all go to juvie anyway. Apparently some of her kids got jumped by some future gang members and she's against doing anything with them. I pointed out half of our kids were just as parentless as hers even if one was physically present on occasion, and that by discriminating that way she was forcing the kids into a tougher life, which they'd take out on other kids who had it just as bad but were happier. She's sobbing now that she was pushing the bad kids to attack her kids."

Darcy sighed. "Helena agreed with her but said it's good we're trying to stop them. She'd like to help us stop them, but we really had to focus on bullying problems. I told her that we were focusing on teaching them to read first. She got all huffy that her pet project isn't being covered." Shelly moaned, shaking her head. "Helena also quipped I must have PMS because my tact was missing. I noted her tact had never been inserted and was she pregnant because she was having mood swings.

"She called me a wanna-be do gooder with a trust fund. I pointed out I worked for my paycheck, unlike her. Who is living off her husband the senator. And that her husband's been known to father a few of the kids we work with. It was in the press. So she's crying that I don't appreciate her attempts to help even though she just can't understand why these parents can't get their lives together like normal people. So I laid down a lecture on her about the differences between her, who grew up richy rich, me, who grew up in a practical household that didn't worry about money, and the kids we all worked with.

"Marjorie agreed with my points but called me huffy and suggested I go find myself a nice man to help me do things. I snarled and reminded her *real* women don't need a man to make them feel better. It's great when you find one but it's getting damn hard to find a real man with real values these days and some of us don't like players like her fourth husband used to be. So Majorie's pissed I blew shade toward her pookie boo. Helena's mad that I pointed out she's the real trust fund brat trying to atone for being born rich.

"Then Sean got there late, saw the tear tracks and blamed me until I told him why. Then he sided with me and suggested those ladies both should have their husbands fix their mental problems instead of a new therapist and could we please work with the group that put therapists into schools. I told him to write me a paragraph about how, where, who was doing it, all that stuff because I'd only heard of it but never looked into it and I'd bring it to you tomorrow." She smiled. "So they're off getting their bad moods solved like the damsels they are and I got told to go find a dildo since I can't find a man to cure it for me.

"Sean laughed but said I had great taste since I didn't fall for most guy's immature BS. I told him I'd be happy to find anyone that was at least slightly decent but apparently I was hunting in the wrong places. I had better luck when I was out partying. He agreed, guys liked girls like that and when we grew up they were scared we were smarter. I pinched his little gay cheek and kissed him on the forehead then told him I'd be baking tonight if he wanted to steal a few cookies when he brought that paper to me." She dropped things onto her desk.

"Is the alliance ruined?"

"No, the Empire still stands," Darcy said dryly, staring at her. "The Storm Troopers are still wandering around the city shooting people for being not like them and the Emperor is still an asshole to everyone who can't use the Force." Scott burst out laughing.

Shelly sighed, walking back into her office. "Show Scott how things are done and write apologies to them, Darcy. We need their help."

"I know. I suggested they actually come meet some of the kids we tutor to see what they actually needed since one of them wanted to hand the kids pastries." Shelly moaned, thumping her head into her wall. "Yeah. I invited them to come help me tutor tomorrow night." She smiled at Scott. "Sorry but it's drama llama day today in Chicago." She held out a hand. "Darcy Lewis."

"Scott Lang." Her eyes widened and he winked. "So, paperwork I suppose?"

"Much paperwork as an employee and other things to teach you." She pointed at a free chair. "Pull it over so we can get to that." He did that, letting her pull out paperwork. He even had his own pen. "Smart move. Shelly has to buy the cheap pens," she quipped with a grin. "So, who referred you here?"

"The college did. One of the people in the office had seen you in your masters program."

"Really? Was it Phil?"

"No. He agreed I'd do great learning here but he's busy."

"That figures. He's a busy guy." She stared at him. "Did you find a rooming spot?"

"Yeah, I'm in a residence motel. It's pretty safe and I've got portable alarms."

"That's wise in some neighborhoods. We're practical people here, Scott. Life sucks in a large part of Chicago for many of the residents."

"It does that in most cities. New York wasn't much different."

"So how's people?" she asked with a smile.

"Worried, fussy, Stark," he muttered. She laughed but nodded at that. They went over the paperwork and she got him set up to help her tutor the next night. He even scared off a mugger.

Shelly huffed. "Darcy, our fire escape masturbator is back. Can you come be scary? He just gave me a look like I'd be fun."

Scott stood up, walking out there to stare at the guy. "Do you mind? These women have important work to do and don't need the visual from someone who clearly needs a bath. Don't make me shiv you." He smiled slightly. The man out there shuddered and climbed back up there. "Have a better day and I'd suggest you get that rash looked at, sir. It looks unhealthy." He carefully put the window down and smiled at her. "Sometimes guys like that only listen to men. Because they know they're faulty and real women make them scared because their mother couldn't fix them." He went back to Darcy's desk since Shelly was smiling at him.

***
Part 3 by voracity
Scott came back four weeks later, after another few HYDRA bases had been exploded the hard way so it was probably safer for Darcy. He flopped down, undoing his button up shirt's collar by two buttons, showing he had a t-shirt underneath. He dug two envelopes out of his messenger bag, tossing them at Clint as he walked past. "You didn't mention she drew weird people."

"Usually it's weird people like us," Clint quipped. "No cookies?"

"She's got a broken wrist." Clint glared at him. He stared back. "Two of the kids she tutors were fighting when we walked in and one of them tripped over the new baby one of the girls had. Darcy moved to save the kid. One of the boys sneered at her and hit her so Darcy backhanded him with her free hand, then punched him. He moved so she hit the cabinet but she kicked him instead while holding the kid. The mother took the baby to the other side of the room.

Darcy was holding her wrist and lecturing the little idiot until I walked in and got her to an ER then came back to tell them where they were heading and how much fun prison really is." He grinned. "They're not going to do it again. Especially since Darcy *vowed* she was going to go capture a few street rats and insert them like a suppository."

Clint walked off giggling, shaking his head. "She'll be able to bake in a few more weeks," Scott called after him. He tipped his head back, rolling it around to loosen up his neck muscles. He tossed a small envelope at Stark, letting him not catch it but pick it up off the chair he was behind. "Plea for grants from your charity arm. A new one being set up to help get gifted kids out of the sewer system of that public school hole."

"Doesn't Chicago have one?"

"Yes and no. It has one. They're not exactly fair about who gets in. They have a large gap in their racial makeup. The principal in charge sneered that anyone other than white upper class boys and asian boys were worthy. There's a promising startup magnet school."

"I can look at that. Geniuses need supported at that age. Otherwise they lose their spark and then they get bored and into trouble." He walked off reading it. "She good?"

"If I was looking, I'd date that girl." Stark grinned at him. "She's like a womanly woman. She bakes. She cooks. She kicked an ass when the kids made her. She stopped a mugger with a high heel. Then she fussed over the rip in her pantyhose and her nails." Stark grinned and nodded. "Her boss didn't seem to know who I was but I'm pretty sure Shelly's so wound up that she goes home to cry each night because they can't do enough. Darcy had a few of those days and baked brownies and kicked a wall then swore at a few less than innocent civilians who were annoying her."

"She fussed over Jane for years, making sure she ate and all that."

"I asked. She told me the basics of being an unpaid intern. She's a super nice lady."

"She is. I wish she was closer so we could protect her since we're apparently the reason she's in danger." He walked off again once he had coffee. "Thanks for doing that, Scott."

"Not a problem." He got comfortable. It had been a long month of hard truths he hated to see going on but hopefully he had helped some too.

***

A few weeks into the new funding year Darcy was wearing herself out. But she was doing it with online shopping. Well, virtual shopping to see what she wanted to look at. The job had obligations that she hated. "Hey, Shelly?" she called. "What will I need for the upcoming year in the way of nicer clothes that I'll hate?"

"Three gowns, one demure, one tasteless, and one oh my god look at me." She came to her doorway. "Better suits for meetings. We have to justify that grant in DC." Darcy nodded, making notes. "Make the dresses tasteful enough that it doesn't look prom-y but won't go out of style. Unlike stars, we can rewear ours." Darcy grinned at her. "Do you have any at home?"

"I haven't worn a formal gown since my prom," she admitted. "And I borrowed for that. My coming out dress was pretty but I doubt I fit into it anymore." She loaded a picture and let it be enlarged by hovering the mouse over it. "That sort of dress?"

"A bit prom-y and twinkly but you won't look like a showgirl and you can pull off the sequins." She patted her on the shoulder. "Go shopping this weekend."

"I had plans on going back to LA for that," she agreed.

"We do have designer places here in the city," she said with an evil smirk. "Not that they'll fit you without a lot of alterations."

"I know," Darcy said, looking at her chest then up at her boss. "Oh I know." Shelly walked off giggling. "But I have a friend who works in a good shop out in LA so she can help me pick out stuff. That way I don't go overboard." She sent a message to her phone about the shopping budget she needed to pull out of the bank and shut that window. It was no use looking now. She couldn't buy things online without trying them on. That's how you ended up looking terrible in designer clothes.

***

Darcy walked into the shop out there. "Lara," she sighed in pleasure, taking off her sunglasses to stuff into her purse. "Oh thank you god you're here, girl."

"Oh, Darcy, it's been ages!" she squealed, coming around to hug her. "What are you doing, lady?"

"Working for a children's charity in Chicago." She smiled. "I love the work but want to smack a few people who think kids are unimportant once they're born." Lara laughed. "Major shopping dilemma. I pulled out six grand. I need three gowns, I need business stuff." Lara winced. "You know my style, it hasn't really changed. I need a demure gown. I need a flashy gown that's kinda tacky according to my boss. It'll bring in donations and it's for a bachelorette auction so make it hard to get into? And I need a totally 'I'm the goddess, look at this body' dress." She stared at her hopefully.

"Can your budget go up?"

"You know I'm not going to fit into anything too designer. I have breasts. They don't like those and even Oscar doesn't make it anymore."

"Oh, I know," she sighed. "It's such a shame too. At least yours are natural." Darcy nodded with a grimace. "C'mon, let's go see what we can do. What's your official work wardrobe?"

"I have a few pants suits, a business sort of suit, a few pencil skirts. I need to testify in it at one point but look like the bitch my mother could pull up when I got into trouble with boys."

"I remember the one time you played doctor. Your mother nearly killed us all and then you quipped about at least you weren't smoking." Darcy grinned at her. "It's good to see you. Where have you been!"

"Believe it or not, a science intern for a few years after Culver. London. New York. Now I'm in Chicago."

"Sounds exciting."

"I can't even tell you parts of it, Lara," she said with a smile.

"Oooh." She smiled.

"Oh, so different." She flapped a hand. "What's that bandage dress?" She pointed. It was red but short sleeves, had rouching to emphasize the breasts, and it came to the knees it looked like. "That's different. Any color other than red?"

"No. But you'd look hot in it. Your body can carry it off." She looked her over. "No kids?"

"Not even a man," Darcy complained. "My last date was lame and a stalker."

"Again?"

"Yes!" She blew up at her bangs and pushed her hair back over her shoulder. "So stupid but it was a setup."

"Pity."

"Yup. I haven't found many good men since I got back to the US. I found a few in London but not anyone who'd be willing to come back with me or who'd I be able to put up with for years."

"Finding a forever husband is hard. Look how many only found a five-year plan spouse. I've had two of those and a one-year plan one." Darcy patted her on the shoulder. "But my daughter's kick ass."

"I saw her recital on facebook. She looked nice. Her teacher looked pissed though."

"Her dance teacher thinks she's fat."

"No, she's got a healthy shape and that shit's horrible to women."

"I told her that." They shared a grin and went to look at the dresses. The bandage dress got pulled out. A pretty dress that was dark blue but had a fifties-style tailoring came out, with one next to it that looked about the same but had long sleeves instead of tank straps to the deep 'v' cut of the neckline. The long sleeves one had a straight neckline at her collar bone. There were a few lace ones that got pulled out too. Darcy took them to try on while Lara looked over the gown selection they had. A few got pulled out for her.

Lara looked and nodded at everything because Darcy looked good. One new business suit had a lace dress under the more tuxedo looking jacket. "You can wear that over a few of the other dresses too. Or we have a few other jackets that can be mix and matched." They looked those over and Darcy picked out two, one in navy and one in dark gray to go with the black, red, and blue dresses they had picked out. They were a bit flirty but solidly capable as office dresses.

Then came the real problem, the gowns. She had ones with illusion necklines, ones with sleeves and without. She looked them over. There were fifteen to try on. Darcy sighed, moaning a bit. "Let's break this into the three categories. Here, have the demure ones." She handed over the few dresses. "We're definitely not blowing the budget here, Darcy. The short ones are all under one-fifty each and the longer ones are all under two hundred. It's the benefits of not going designer. Off the rack is cheaper."

"Wow, I can afford the expensive shoes," she quipped. She took in a few of them. One was stunning. It was white but had black line inserts from the strapless square neckline to the hem that mimicked an hourglass figure. The neckline had a small triangle of sparkly material to cover it up. "This is nice. I look smokin'." She considered it. "Maybe?"

"Maybe," Lara agreed, putting that in that pile. "Try on the red one."

"The red one?" She looked but nodded, going to try that one on. It was a trumpet style, had an illusion neckline at her collarbone but the dress started just above her cleavage. It was a lace gown but it had three-quarters sleeves and it looked nice on her figure. The lace sticking up in spires into the illusion clear lace was pretty. She came out adjusting it. "Bit tight."

"Bit too demure and maybe in five years," Lara said. "Or later, when you're thirty-five."

"Yeah, I think so too," Darcy said, going to take it off. "I see old hollywood."

"It does look like one the old screen goddesses would wear," she agreed. "That's why I pulled it. Very Liz Taylor."

Darcy came out in the gunmetal silver dress. It had off the shoulder long short sleeves and a ruched bodice that folded into a small belt for emphasis and then into an a-line skirt that flowed around her. She looked at herself, nodding some. "I look nice but really uptight."

"You do," Lara agreed. "But you wanted demure."

"I doubt it would keep the leeches who donate off me."

"No, probably not. Let's maybe it."

"Yeah, we can do that." She went to take it off and handed it out.

The next one was a simple jersey dress in navy blue that fit the trumpet style but had a mid-thigh split and a sweetheart neckline with sparkly shoulder straps. She came out adjusting it. "I don't think this could be called demure. Classic, but not demure." She turned to look at herself. "Wow, I'm falling out of this."

"I'll try to find you one that's like that and a bit more demure." She went to do that. "Even in navy," she said, handing it over. "Bit higher neckline and the slit's still about the same place, maybe a bit lower." Darcy went to try that one and came back. Lara looked. "Still a bit flashy but not 'oh my god look at me' flashy. You needed something slightly trashy so that may work."

"Maybe," Darcy agreed. "It is pretty timeless. It needs to fit me a bit better but we can put it into the maybe pile for showy." She took that off and went to put on the next one. "I think this goes in the same category." She came out in a dress that was mid-thigh but had a lace overlay over it. The underdress was white and the lace was clear with blue lace appliques all down the overlay skirt. The top of the lace overdress was more covered, almost completely with hints of the white peeking through. There wasn't a lot of twinkle but the v-neckline wasn't trashy. "It's covering. I'm not showing anything and the underdress is long enough to be tasteful." She turned to look at the back, which came up above her waist but below her shoulders. "I look good but not stunning."

"I like that for the tasteful," Lara said.

Darcy considered it then nodded. "Yeah, I can see that. It's flirty but not flirty." She went to change, leaving that one in there with her. "Ooh, demure." She came out in the medium blue scoop necked dress. There were no cutouts, no sparkling points, no cleavage by many inches. It had elbow length sleeves that were just barely off the shoulder. It fit her body well all the way down the trumpet skirt. She turned to look at the back, which matched the front's neckline. "Huh. Demure yet flashy. The color's not exactly eye drawing but nice." She turned to look at her backside again, nodding. "Yeah, we're keeping this one." She smiled at her former buddy. "I'm getting more than I thought." She went back in there to Lara laughing.

"Is that the butt ruffle dress?" Lara asked.

"Sure is. Butt ruffle and waist ruffle under the plunging backline." She came out. "Halter front's a bit awkward. It's smooshing the girls." She looked at her backside. "Wow, that ruffle really shows off my butt." She considered it. "If the back was on another gown..."

"Yeah, I can see that. Pity. I had hopes for that one."

"I look nice," Darcy agreed. "Especially from behind. Just not comfortable with the higher neckline halter and the boob smashing that probably can't be altered out. If we find that backline somewhere else, let me see it." She went in to take it off and hand it over for the no pile. "Two more in this set. Vampy-vampy and sparkly-sparkly."

"Try on sparkly. It's another sheathe style dress, just really twinkly." Darcy came out to look at herself, nodding some. It was navy like the earlier sheathe dress but it was all over sequins. "I do like it. You can pull off the twinkly showgirl look."

"You don't think I look like a bimbo?"

"No. The boobs aren't flashing at all. You barely have cleavage." She came over to adjust it. "Not showing but flashy. You look nice."

Darcy nodded. "Yeah, I think I do. Let me try on that vampy gown." She went in to change, keeping that one in there with the others. The black gown, another trumpet style, but this one had full sleeves that connected by a tiny strap to the exaggerated bodice. It looked artsy, gave a bit of interior sideboob on her, and she looked like she was going to be sucked dry and turned. She came out, doing a small turn. "Too artsy and vampy?"

Lara wiped the drool off. "No, not in the least." Darcy hugged her and looked at herself in the triple mirrors. "Wow. You can barely tell that's got the illusion lace from the front. In the back it shows better thanks to the zipper." She tugged it in one spot. "Needs a bit of altering. Really not bad for one-seventy."

"No, I like this." She turned again, nodding. "I look like the next vampire bride but damn he's getting me." Lara giggled, swatting her on the arm. "Arm's a bit tight. Can that be fixed?"

"Not sure. You'd have to ask a tailor."

"I can do that." She went to take it off, keeping it in there. "Okay, what's next?"

"Two goddess dresses. One's the more normal style with the long and flowy and the other's got some rouching to the side to draw attention to your waist."

"I don't really look good in the less structured style," she admitted, handing back the yellow gown. "I look fat."

"You're not fat."

"No but the waist always falls in the wrong spot. It makes me look dumpy." She looked at the dark green dress. A bit of sparkle in the rouching and where it joined at her side to draw attention to her figure. She tried it on, coming out adjusting the top and looking at the mid-thigh slit. "Not bad." Darcy turned. "Simple, classic. Not a color I usually wear."

"It looks nice," Lara said. "Very classic and elegant."

Darcy nodded. "I'll leave this in my demure category. It shows nothing and it's hard to get under." She went to change. "What's next?"

"Two showy dresses in the damn category. One more showy than the other." She handed them in.

Darcy came out in a long sleeve red dress that was basically a wrap dress. It looked nice on her but made her look too old. She shook her head and so did Lara. That got handed back and she tried on the other one. It had a corset like top under an illusion neckline that was dusted with some sparkly glitter. It had cap sleeves. The bodice was nearly pornographic on her size of chest. "I look like I'm going to the porn star awards," she said, coming out. She smiled and nodded at the other woman in there. "Hi." She looked at herself then at Lara, who was grimacing. "If it was higher...the cups were higher? I look good, but it's a bit prom-y and it's not the 'damn, look at her' dress I want."

"No. It's good but not great." She looked at the last two. "Those two are 'damn, woman' dresses and the green one would qualify probably. That sort of staring can come with other styles. But let's try this one. One black lace with a nude underlay and one that's black lace with a short underdress."

Darcy took them to try on. The black dress was cap sleeves to a deep sweetheart neckline. It was a simple thin lace dress that didn't have a lot of appliques but it was gathered in such a way that was slightly see through but not fully. Darcy came out adjusting a sleeve. "Huh," she said, looking at herself. "It's sultry and tasteful yet I'm guessing it'd cause some staring."

Lara smiled. "A lot of drool too. It's loose enough that you can't see things but it hints at it in shadows."

Her coworker came over to look, nodding. "You do look nice in that, miss."

Darcy smiled. "Thank you. My boss said I needed a 'damn' dress."

"That's one," she said.

"I'll put this in the maybe," Lara said. "We'll look at some more suity things and then decide."

"Yeah, put this in the quite possible category. Let me try on that last one." She went into her room to change. This one was another lace overlay with an underdress. The underdress was skin colored but the full length. Barely lighter than her tanned body. The lace overlay was black netting with large appliques that flowed over her breasts, to her right side, then down over her pubic area before trailing off until her knees then it took over most of the rest of the skirt. She came out and Lara cleared her throat. Darcy looked around then at herself in the mirrors when she didn't see anything going on. "Wow."

Lara licked her lips. "If you can't get lucky in that dress, humanity is doomed."

"If I can get lucky it'll definitely be in this dress." Long sleeves of that same netting with a few appliques here and there. "Sleeves are a bit tight again but maybe?"

"I hope so," Lara said. "Two-oh-two plus tax."

Darcy nodded. "For a 'damn' dress of this level, yeah." She went in to take it off and hand out her definitely pile. "Suits?"

"Yup, we can look at regular clothes." They laid those on the counter and went to look at other things. That black lace dress that covered nothing yet everything got added on when Darcy realized her total was under a third of her budget. They all got bundled up together to go home with her and Darcy handed over her email, phone, and facebook address with a wink. Lara smiled and helped Darcy carry to the car then she left to find shoes.

Darcy decided to drive up to her old house, getting in the gates easily enough. She parked and stared. It wasn't sad now. Maybe she was ready to let go. She found the number for the realtor that rented the house. "It's Darcy Lewis," she said quietly. "I'm up here but I don't see a problem. No, I'm staring at it and it's sad but it's not crippling sad like it usually is." She sighed. "What do you think about selling it?" Her realtor friend babbled about how the market was good right now, the house didn't need a lot of updating, and it was in a great area.

"You sure? I don't want it to linger. I'll change my mind if it lingers." She got out to look around the front yard, staring in the windows. "They left trashy furniture." She looked at the gardens. "Could use the touch of someone who can plant too." She walked to the back yard. Her former tree house was gone now, but so was the tree. She walked back to the front, nodding at her realtor friend when she drove in. "I think I'm ready."

"I think it's a great thing to move on, Darcy." She led her around the inside to note things that needed updating or fixed. They could give credit for that. It wasn't in bad shape and Darcy hadn't let anyone do anything too drastic to the original house. Darcy signed the papers and went back to her hotel. A slight cry but it was a healing one this time. So it was a good thing, a good trip.

***

Darcy looked at her boss before they had to leave for DC. "I'm packing suits, a few dresses. One formal gown. Is it the demure event or the damn event?"

"The damn event. It'll draw attention to us." She gave her a hopeful look. "Please? You don't have to let them do anything but stare and drool at you but don't beat anyone too hard if they try to look too closely."

"I think I can work up something," she said dryly. "Should I be slightly damn or fully damn? I have options."

"You bought more than one?"

"I found gowns that fit with very little fixing," she said dryly. "And all off the rack stuff from weddings so in multiple sizes."

"Wow. I need to go there."

"All under two hundred too," Darcy said with a grin. "But one, it was a few bucks over."

"I really need to shop there." She looked at her. "Got pictures?" Darcy pulled them up for her. "Hmm, mirror shots." She flipped through them. "Damn." She showed her.

Darcy smiled. "Two more, Shelly." She flipped and moaned. "That's the other 'damn'."

"Bring that and the green dress." She handed the phone back. "Wow." Darcy grinned, making her list. "Bring a business suit."

"Of course. Two just in case."

"Thanks." She went back to her own packing list. Plus gathering all the paperwork they'd need. Darcy handed her a folder already put together with most of it. Shelly included the few things she could, Darcy taking it to make copies. They got all the folders together to hand out and it was done for the day. They went to pack and travel that night.

***

Darcy looked into the room for the formal fundraising event, smiling at the guard trying hard not to grope her. "I have permission to carry a few things," she said, presenting the card.

"That's fine, they're not illegal around here, ma'am." He let her walk in there, watching her entrance.

Darcy smiled at Shelly, walking over to her. She was in the green goddess dress with the rouching to the side and a tiny bit of sparkle. Her hair was up in a loose side chignon and she had a pretty pendant that was green obsidian with matching drop earrings. "See, I can clean up nicely," she teased with a smile.

"You definitely do," she said, looking her over. "Just a bit of 'damn' and some demure thrown in, plus classic and classy. Nice." Darcy smiled and winked, strolling off to get a drink then to make new contacts. "Darcy's my assistant and she's so great." The other director she was talking to smiled, chatting about her own assistant, who was fifty but handy.

Darcy ran into a familiar face, holding out a hand. "Stark."

He looked at her over the edge of his amber sunglasses, only used for indoor events. "I don't rate a hug?"

"You'd wrinkle me," she quipped. She put down her hand but Tony swatted her and shook it. She smiled. "How's things?"

"Same old same old," he admitted. "Blowing things up and scaring interns."

"Yeah, I don't miss the explosions." He snorted but looked amused. "Like it? Lara found it for me."

"I remember her. Is she working designer?"

"No. But she's happy and her daughter's cute."

"That's the important thing," he agreed. "You ever think about kids?"

"Yeah. I've thought a few times. I'm not sure I'm ready yet. I'm still pretty young, have things on my bucket list. Maybe if I ever find a real man I might do that."

He smirked. "Maybe. Could be handy in your life too, Lewis." He looked over her shoulder. "Here comes Bruce and Coulson."

"You got Bruce to go to an event?" She turned to look at him, making him gape in awe. "I work with one of the charities being highlighted tonight. It's the only reason for the fancy dress."

"You look really nice," Bruce said with a smile. "How're you doing?"

"I'm good. I really like working with Shelly. We do a lot of good work." She smiled and shook Coulson's hand. "Howdy."

"Darcy," he said with a nod. "You might want to stay on this side of the room."

"I heard him," she admitted. "I wouldn't want to embarrass my boss, Coulson." She sipped her sparkling water. "I should probably go make other new friends for the boss."

"Can you go help Pepper distract the senator that wants us all in jail?" Stark asked with a point.

She smiled. "I can go say hi to Pepper for you guys." They all smiled so she strolled off. She smiled as Pepper caught her eye, getting a relieved look back. "Sorry, Senator, I just popped over to say hi to Pepper. She was a great mentor when I was an intern."

"You work for..." he asked, looking her over.

"One of the charities you'll be grilling tomorrow, Senator DeLores. I work with Shelly."

"That's sweet." He looked her over again. Then he smiled at Pepper. "I'll let her nag you about your hair or whatever you women do."

Darcy laughed, smiling at him. "Women like Pepper don't worry about their hair, Senator. They worry about taking over the world and having to do a lot more paperwork." He walked off laughing.

"Thank you," Pepper said quietly.

"I got asked," she said with a wink.

"How's Chicago?"

"Good. I really enjoy the work. We're doing a lot of good and I'll be going overseas in a few months for a few weeks to deliver aid and make sure things are getting to the right people." She felt someone brush against her hip and looked back. "Hands off please. I'm not for rent or sale." He backed off, hands being held up. "Thank you." She smiled at Pepper again. "It's actually pretty fun at times."

"That's good. It's good you found a great place, Darcy." She winced when she heard Thor laughing loudly. "Oh, dear."

"I'm staying over here," she said quietly. "And I'll avoid shaming my boss." She walked off. "Happy taking over the world, Pepper. We need more woman power."

Pepper smiled, going back to Stark's side to protect herself from the leeches in here. "She seems satisfied."

"She does," Coulson agreed. "Oh, that's Talbot." He hurried over to him without seeming to. "Do not go near Miss Lewis," he said quietly. "She will hit you if you pinch her, General."

He sneered at him. "I didn't know you were my parent, Coulson." Coulson just pointed. Some guy had just swatted Darcy on the ass and was now on the ground staring up at her in horrified awe.

"Women aren't toys. You don't have the right to pet me. I don't care if I have to make up our yearly budget because they take it from us for me slugging you but if you ever touch me again I'll break every bone in your arm." He got up and scurried off. "Really, someone needed taught better by their mothers." She frowned at her boss. "Sorry."

"No, I would've slapped him. You punch better than I do."

Darcy smiled. "Thanks, boss." She heard the noise coming closer and sighed, moving out of the line of direct sight behind her boss. "Blatantly hiding," she hissed. Shelly moved to cover her. The one her boss had been talking to shifted so she was even more covered.

Coulson smirked at Talbot. "I wouldn't."

"She'd never hit me."

"Yes she would. She's the one that destroyed that one senator because of his son."

"Oh, that's her." He nodded. "That was fine work," he admitted. "She yours?"

"I have hopes we'll be calling her senator some day."

"I can see that actually." He walked off to get a drink, ignoring all the avengers in there because he didn't want to start another war. Thor and Jane were blatantly sneaking out for some time together. They didn't notice Darcy. Though Thor did glance around a few times looking confused. Coulson sighed in relief when they were gone. Darcy did the same thing from her corner and went to get more sparkling juice to sip.

***

Darcy looked up from following her boss up the hallway carrying the folders for her when they ran into the Avengers. Darcy nodded cordially, smiling at Clint. "Hey." They were shown into a different waiting room and the folders were sent in ahead of their discussion and defense of funding. Darcy looked up then at her boss. "Sorry. It's my drama."

"It's good drama. There's rumors."

"I know. Long story." She shrugged. Someone knocked then came in. "Yes, Representative Harolds?" she asked politely.

"Miss Lewis, may I speak to you?"

She moved closer to him. "You can if you want. I'm here to help Shelly talk to all of you. Is there a problem with our information packet?"

"No. There's a few questions being asked about your position here."

"I work for Shelly, sir," she said with a point at her.

"I know that. It's been said that you have some unsavory contacts, young lady."

"Define unsavory, Representative Harolds."

"HYDRA."

She snorted, shaking her head. "No. I don't. I never have been part of their party of pathetic and I hope I never will be to save humanity, because that's the only way it'd happen."

"Yet they know about you."

"They tried to snatch me once because of my former job. I worked in Avengers tower then. You can go ask Mr. Stark about that." She pointed in their direction. "They were outside waiting a few minutes ago."

He sneered. "I don't think you understand how bad that looks on you."

"Them wanting to kidnap me doesn't look bad on *me*," she said dryly. "It looks bad on them. They broke into a courtroom to try to snatch me. They're that stupid. I'd never support that even if I wasn't a forward thinking liberal woman. HYDRA has nothing to offer me and if they try I'd like to kill them all. Is there anything else, sir? I know where my allegiances stand."

"You protest a lot."

"Yes I do. Frankly, being accused of being a racist bastard like them upsets me." She stared at him. "Ask one of them. I'm pretty sure you have a few on speed dial since there's at least three other members of congress who are in debt to them. I know I ended the career of one of them a few years back but I know there's more." He glared. She stared back. "You don't scare me. Your pathetic attempt to use information you only half-read isn't surprising and isn't welcome.

"Now, if you'll excuse me, we have to go prepare to swear at you under oath for cutting funding again so you can have a second house." The man stomped off. She looked up and sighed then back at her boss. "If magic was real I'd have someone do an uncloaking spell to put a huge 'H' on every HYDRA member's forehead." Shelly burst out laughing, nodding at that. "Seriously!"

"I know you would, Darcy. I remember you nearly getting kidnaped." She hugged her. "You'll be okay. They'll ask. Just be polite."

"I try, I have a bit of tact left. I think." She sighed and sat down to relax, popping her neck. Someone knocked. "If it's someone different than the last one, come in," she called. "We're just destressing."

Clint leaned in. "Did you call him a frog fucker or something? He stormed up the hallway swearing." Shelly was trying not to laugh at that remark.

"He tried to accuse me of being HYDRA," Darcy shot back. "I was a bit rude."

"Ow," he said. "Yeah, that's bad. I'll let others hear so they stay out of the way." He closed the door with a grin. Clint looked at the others. "That guy accused Darcy of being HYDRA."

Stark moaned, shaking his head. "Someone gave him half-assed information."

"That's not even half assed," Steve said dryly. Security came up the hall and stormed in there. "Clint, can you pull up her file?" Clint did that, walking in there, handing it to one of the guards. Steve looked at Stark. "She looked nice last night."

"She did. At least her boss didn't make her suck up to people for funds." The guards stomped off nagging the representative about false alarms. Clint came back out putting his phone back into his pocket. "They good?"

"Darcy got in a good yell. They're retreating to save the idiot's life."

"That's not going to save him," Darcy called then slammed the door. She was already typing in a message to her political living friends.

"Don't make messes you can't clean up," Shelly warned. "Especially before this."

Darcy looked at her. "He's up for reelection this year." Shelly sighed. "And he's not in the funding committee anyway."

"Point. Will others like that?"

"They might not but they'll hate having him throwing around HYDRA accusations even less. Like some agents, you speak of them and they appear." She smiled and finished that message, sending another one. "Let's hope this stops this bout of stupid before it starts. I don't need another few months like that."

Shelly laughed. "We all don't need another few months like that, Darcy. I hope we don't."

"Me too." She put her phone back into her purse once it was off again. It was the law of the congressional building, no active cellphones. That way you couldn't tape senators being idiots.

***

Darcy looked outside that night, opening her hotel room window to let Clint in. "Can't use doors?" she joked.

"I needed the practice." He sat on her windowsill. "You okay after earlier?"

"The two that asked, one is HYDRA leaning." She smiled. "They donate to them. It's online in some of the more political places." He winced but nodded. "The other's just a moron who hates me because I took down my uncle's partner and they were buddies."

"I heard him shouting about that. Did Shelly like that?"

"She knew. I told her that before when I looked up who was on the panel. I wasn't going to let her go into that blind." She sat down, staring at him. "How are you really?"

"It's been a long few months," he admitted. "Few nasty battles, some healing, some stupid things." He stared at her. "Thor noticed you last night."

"Figured he did," she agreed. "Thankfully he didn't want to be undiplomatic."

"Jane wanted sex."

"Sex is a great thing that comes with dating. Or if you're me, you buy vibrators."

Clint burst out laughing, but nodded. "Yeah, I know that feeling all too well." She smirked at him. "No comments about groupies. I don't get many. Scott got more than I have."

"He's cute. He did good when he came out to guard dog me for a few weeks. He has a real touch with helping others."

"I'll tell him you said that." He grinned at her. "So anyone nice?"

"No. Not really. I haven't felt like going out anyway. I think I'm about to hit my boring years of adulthood."

"Maybe but that's often a choice, Darcy."

"It's not safe. One of the gangs there got mad I was helping tutor a few of their little brothers in english of all things." He groaned. "I know, it's just my luck, but they're mostly ignoring me unless they catch me out and about. They tried to threaten me in the grocery store. I held up a nice sized zucchini and suggested he learn to like taking it for his time in prison if they came near me. They snorted and said they weren't gay. I told them everyone's gay in prison. They make sure of it. They huffed off again and I got to buy cereal."

"Yeah, so very boring," he said, staring at her.

She shrugged. "It was. Chicago is a bit more dangerous than parts of New York."

"You could move."

"I like working for Shelly."

"I know."

"I love my apartment."

"There's others in the US."

"Yeah but not anywhere I'd want to work."

"You could set up one," he said.

"That's not a bad idea but I have no head for real estate. I probably paid way too much for my apartment."

"Sometimes the amenities are worth it."

She nodded. "Sometimes. You look tired."

"We had another run-in with Loki."

"I'm sorry. Want a hug?"

"Nah, I'm fine. He scowled at me. I flipped him off. He didn't try to take over my mind this time."

"That's good." She stood up and came over to look at him. "You need to find a happy point, Clint. A happy point would make things easier."

"What sort of happy point?"

"Everyone's got one. For Bucky it was Steve. For you...."

"I have a dog."

"That's a great thing. I want pictures." He grinned. "Be safe, Clint."

"You too, Lewis. You draw trouble and this is the city for it." He stared at her. "Yell if they come for you. Steve's around here somewhere."

"Thanks." He nodded and left back up the fire escape. She closed the window, making sure it was locked, and went back to bed to rest. They had to meet with a grant gifting group in the morning. She had to look good for her people.

***

Clint looked around the next morning. He walked over to Steve. "Rescue needed?" he asked quietly.

"Not that I've heard. It was a quiet night."

"That's good." Darcy came breezing in, heading right for the coffee. She had on a slightly puffy knee length lace dress with a business suit jacket over it and heels. She waved at them as she sipped her coffee on her way out. "That's nice to see too. She looks perky." They heard a car crash outside and went to look. No Darcy and the people who had crashed were complaining at each other. One was an agent, he was wearing the navy blue FBI suit. They went back to breakfast. They'd hear if something bad had happened.

***

Darcy looked at Shelly the next day there were in the office together, Tuesday. Darcy had shown up the day before to straighten things out and handle the office things. Shelly had another meeting. Shelly came to her door and motioned her in. "What's up, boss lady?" She walked in there.

Shelly pointed at something. "What's that?"

Darcy looked then plucked it up to look at under the desk lamp. "A really old bug." She crushed it and threw it out the window. She looked for others, doing the same to them. She smiled. "They're very old. The newer ones look like thin filament wires from what I've seen."

"You've seen many of those?"

"I saw some in the tower."

"Oh. Good point. Is all that cleared up? My meeting yesterday asked about that."

"It had better be!" She stared at her boss. "I know I'm not one of them and they know I'm not one of them. Trying to discredit me was stupid. Everyone who knows me knows I'm not like that and my file's well enough known to prove that. Even the FBI agent I talked to in the airport on the way back knew that. He was checking to see why and which representative it was."

"They think he's dirty?"

"No, the agent called him a moron with half-assed ideas."

"Oh, good." She sighed. "What about making a statement."

"Then they'd come after me again."

"Point. You have files?"

"SHIELD watched over the Avengers."

"Oh, them." She nodded. "Is that a huge problem?"

"No. The new SHIELD isn't that bad. Definitely not as bad as the old SHIELD. They made sure to release my records to other agencies so they'd know I wasn't and why I had a file in the first place."

"That's fine. I hope it doesn't impact funding."

"It shouldn't. Did it yesterday?"

"No. She agreed that the representative was just making noise to get attention."

"Then he should've noted I ruined a senator." She smiled. "And I was pretty damn pleased about that." She went back to her desk. "Mail's got almost nothing in it outside two ads and a form letter." She walked them back in there then went back to her desk, coming back with her letter opener. She opened the window and stabbed the masturbating guy out there. It didn't hurt him much but he got the point. "Get away from the office." She slammed the window closed and looked at Shelly, who moaned but shook her head. "Strong women have to put up with bullshit and it just makes us stronger, bosslady. We all know that."

"We do," she agreed. "Thanks, Darcy."

"I didn't want to see him masturbate on the fire escape again. He's gross. I'd even put him in the category of icky." She went back to her desk to get back to work.

Shelly shook her head but read the form letter. It was a turn down for a grant and dated before that weekend. It was a pity. They really needed all the funds they could get.

***

Darcy was at a dinner for local charities so they could coordinate efforts when she ran into someone interesting. She only knew him from pictures and his four weeks of pretending to be an intern at the office but she recognized him where most of the people in the room wouldn't. She saw one old matron giving him a speculative look. She smiled at him, getting a wink back. "It's nice our former intern is doing good," she quipped, sipping her iced tea. Her boss was off with another group's boss to talk about their latest efforts to get tutors into the local schools. "You can sit with us. Shelly's busy and she hasn't needed me yet. I'm listening to a proposal soon for a tiny grant."

He settled next to her, handing over a small envelope. "From Stark."

"Thanks." She looked at it then at him. "Should I read this here?"

"Not sure," he admitted. "He looked disgusted."

She hummed but opened it to look at, grimacing. "Nice," she said dryly, letting him see it. "The others probably already know."

"Yeah I've heard but I didn't have anything I could handle right then."

She patted him on the hand. "Like Clint, you have some specific skills that can be spread into some of the damndest situations," she said dryly, cracking him up and making him nod. She smiled at the older woman walking her way. "Come on over and join us," she said with a smile.

The older woman sat at the table. "I've heard that you know how to apply for a new grant?"

"It's for children related charities." The woman smiled and nodded. Darcy wrote out the address for the application. "That's the application site. Print and mail please because I can't get the sending in automatically to work right now. It's my mother's foundation I set up in her name. Since I work for Shelly I can't give it to her, and she realizes that, but it's open to others who work with children. It's not a huge one right now because I'm still building the depth of the fund."

"That happens. They had to start somewhere, dear. Our own group started with a few thousand dollars and a lot of hard work."

Darcy smiled. "We all seem to do a lot of hard work because there's not enough funding. I'm hoping within a few years I'll be able to offer more than five to ten thousand. Right now, the fund's set up for the next thirty years of solvency but the investments are just beginning."

"That's reasonable, dear. Really. Any funding is welcome." She smiled. "I haven't met you."

"Darcy Lewis." She smiled. "Hannah DeCriths was my mom."

"Oh! I met her once. Lovely woman." She smiled at her. "I remember she did a lot of work with women."

"I do as well but I think focusing on the kids will give us a better and more stable transition to get more people self sufficient and able to live good lives that aren't filled with stress and worry about where your next meal is coming from or where the rent's coming from."

"That's a good outlook. I work with a foodbank for students."

She beamed. "Shelly's been talking to someone about that and maybe us feeding a meal during tutoring times if possible. I've brought in healthy cookies and bags of fruit a lot of times when I'm tutoring."

"That's actually a good idea. Two birds with one stone as it were. I'll talk to Shelly in a minute. I can see Amanda's bragging on her newest grandbaby."

"They're cute but I'm holding off on that until I'm in my more settled years," Darcy said with a grin. "I'm still trying to hold onto my fun, wild years." The older woman patted her hand again then left to talk to Shelly's table of people. She smiled at Scott. "I heard you have a daughter."

"Cassie. She's adorable and really smart. Not Stark smart but smart."

"Sometimes street smart is better than book smart."

"Yes it is," he agreed with a smile. "I live by that myself." Darcy grinned. "How long is this going on?"

"Another hour expected so about forty before people start to really leave and the die hards will be here for another two or three hours talking and mapping out strategies. Shelly's one but I don't have much to put in right now. When we get to an idea and formulating a strategy that's when I come in."

"Everyone's gotta have a place," he said. "Why did Clint tell me to watch out for gang members?"

"It's nothing. A few got mad I was tutoring little brothers of some members. They're still mad at me since I told a few threatening me in the grocery store to learn how to sit on zucchinis because it'd help them in prison." He burst out laughing, shaking his head. "It worked, they left me alone to buy cereal."

"I can see why, yeah," he agreed. "Thanks, I needed that laugh."

"You're welcome." She looked over and groaned. "This might be bad." She smiled at the woman walking over. "Yes, Agent May?"

"Coulson wanted you warned," she said quietly. Darcy handed over the letter. "Not about that. Someone got into your medical records, Darcy."

"Aw, shit," she muttered. "Which ones?"

"Your gyn records."

"Aww, crap. Does my doctor know?"

"Yes. He reported it to the FBI who told us." She stared at her. "So their plan is still on and you're in greater danger. Lang, what are you doing here?"

"Stark sent me."

"That's actually wonderful. Bring him back to wherever you're hovering safely, Darcy. He could probably use the same sort of place for his kid." She left, leaving a business card for Lang to use if he needed her.

"Is she always that uptight?" Scott asked quietly.

"From what I've heard, yeah, but it's slightly trauma based. She's on Coulson's personal team."

"That's interesting." He tucked the card into his wallet. "Ready to blow this pop stand since I'm ordered to guard you for a bit?"

She smiled. "I should stay for a bit longer." She looked at Shelly, who was making go away motions. "I think she thinks you're picking me up for a date," she said quietly. She walked over there, hugging Shelly around the shoulders. "You sure you won't need me?"

"Go have fun, Darcy. I remember Scott being a nice guy. He can probably even handle you in a flirty mood." She gave her a pointed look.

"He's getting back together with his ex-wife and kid." Shelly huffed but made shooing motions again. "Yes, ma'am." She smiled. "Call me if you ladies need my help arranging or organizing things." She went back to the table, tucking that letter into her clutch purse and gathering Scott to leave. "Shelly thought it was for a date. I told her you were getting back with your ex and kid so she'd quit yentaing."

Scott laughed. "I could do a lot worse than you, Darcy, but I'm not looking."

"I am but I never seem to find anyone. It's like I'm in the wrong field looking for a horse that disappeared a few years back, when I was partying now and then." He shoulder nudged her. "Seriously. I never get to go cut loose now. People are watching."

"That can suck, yeah." He stared at her. "We get the same thing. Stark put a club room in the tower."

"That doesn't really surprise me."

"Me either. It's nice though. You can turn on any music you like and just relax in there because there's no nagging or anything."

"That is nice." She linked her arm with his and walked around a guy on the sideway, giving him a sideways look. Scott pulled her closer to him and smiled at her because he had noticed the guy was openly armed and looked deranged. "I heard you live in a special place."

"I live in a very security conscious place," she agreed. "It's part of the community standards you sign that you don't bring back dates until they've passed background checks."

"That's really strict."

"It's seriously uptight but worth it. Even if HYDRA would raid the complex they'd never find anyone."

"That's nice. I do need to move the kid somewhere like that." Darcy sent a text message while they walked. "Far?"

"Another three blocks to the back entrance." He smiled. "The front one's much farther." She got back a request for her to go to the security office. "We've got to pause to sign you in." He nodded, holding open the gate she opened with a press code and fingerprint. She made sure it was firmly closed behind them and they walked off. It looked like a dumpy alley but apparently it was more. Darcy took him to a building, nodding at the head of security for the whole complex, not just the security teams. "This is Scott Lang. Stark sent him to me with some information and SHIELD said to let him have my couch."

He stared at him. "I can't fault or worry about an avenger member," he decided. Scott smiled. "If you have a problem, teach him how to hit the emergency switch."

"I can do that. Thank you, Caesar." They left, going through the tunnels to her building. "He's the guy that heads the whole security system. There's a guy in charge of the security response teams under him. He's really nice too. They both are. They even disable all GPS chips for me."

"Could that be a problem if you're captured?" he asked.

"I figured they'd throw out my phone so I couldn't be checked."

"They might. I'm not fully up to date on that sort of thing thankfully."

"I'm trying not to be," she admitted. She let him into her apartment, smiling at him. "Really expensive but worth it. All the wifi is shielded from tracing. The cable's included. So's the phone. And the water, electric, and gas so no one can trace us by bills."

"Wow." He took off his jacket and sat down, looking around. "You can't hear the neighbors at all. Nice soundproofing."

"There's thirty-eight apartments in the complex."

"There must have been eight buildings we walked past," he said. She smiled and nodded. "Very secure then. Yeah, we need one of these in New York."

"I have no idea where you'd put it with how crowded the city is." She went into her bedroom. "Let me get less pretty."

"Women like you are always pretty, even in t-shirts and jeans. My ex is that sort too." She shot him a smirk before closing the door. He got up to browse her bookshelves and kitchen area. She came out in jeans shorts and a t-shirt plus barefoot. "You really settled in well here."

"It's been a long time since I had more than a transient space. My apartment in London wasn't meant for more than maybe a year. The one in New Mexico was a small trailer that Jane put up. I lived in the tower in New York and I knew that was a matter of time until someone realized who I was or something huge happened that meant Jane had to move her lab. It's nice having a home again."

"I get that. I had that same feeling in prison. It's like you're floating in a shark infested water and there's not even a rock to stand on."

"Exactly! That's why I was so happy someone told me about here. I can't call for takeout when I'm working anymore but I can go out and bring things home. It means I don't just study or work like I did with Jane."

"So what happened anyway?"

"Jane assumed I'd go from her assistant to her nanny."

Scott winced, shaking his head. "Did she ask?"

"No. She just handed me the kid and told me to bring her back when she was done for the day." She shrugged. "I'm not the nanny and I'd never be a nanny. I laid some harsh truths at the same time and it made her cry a bit, I'm sorry but it had to be said."

"Her newest nanny's better. Live in downstairs. The kid's better protected and happier now."

"That's good. Has Thor been told dads do more than play with kids?"

"Yeah, I've been bragging about all the stuff I'm doing with Cassie."

She nodded. "He's not stupid. You can't rule a realm and be stupid. He's just...willfully ignorant."

"Does Jane never come out of the lab?"

"Hardly ever. A lot of my job was making sure she ate, slept, and all that regularly." Scott shook his head. "Some people learn to sublimate and push things away by burying it in something. A lot of times that's work. For Jane it's science work. Stark does the same thing when he's upset. They were taught or taught themselves how to bury it all while they worked. Because of all the science I had to deal with, I nearly ran to Philosophy but I got too confused and changed back to what I know best."

He settled in his chair again, staring at her when she sat on the couch. "Stark sent me a text message saying he yelled back at the reporter bitch that suggested it had been your job to be everyone's stress relief."

"There's a few of you guys I wouldn't have minded banging but most of you guys needed friends. I'm good at that. Not that I'm not good at sex stuff but I'm great at being a fussy friend. I'm never going to be stress relief. Maybe some husband's stress creating wife, but not stress relief. Even if someone offered while drunk I would've only flirted with most of you."

"Thanks."

"Welcome."

"So you knew Stark when he was a kid?"

"Yeah. He's just over fourteen years older than I am. His mom was my godmother I was told and mine was his godmother. He was there when I needed someone steady and I barely remember his parents' funeral. I know more from the pictures and what my mom told me. I saw him sometimes but we weren't hanging out sort of friends. It's like you live in the same building with someone so you see them occasionally in the halls."

"That makes sense. Any stories that'll make him quit bragging?"

"He set his underwear on fire once. My mom caught him drinking a flaming shot when I was five, so he was just barely twenty probably. He spilled it on himself when she made him jump in surprise and it caught his panties on fire." Scott burst out laughing. "I swear. Hand to god swear." She grinned. "My mom gave me the don't drink speech that night. For the longest time I thought if you drank alcohol it meant you had to go to the ER for burns."

He cracked into louder laughter. "Was he naked?"

"Trying to impress a girl at some party that he was throwing." She shifted to curl up some. "I remember Mom saying something about if he wanted to be gay that much she'd introduce him to some nice boys. He protested but she said it was obvious since he was trying to ruin his dick. And I heard something about not even Howard had managed to burn his dick off with all the whores he had."

"Wow." He wiped his cheeks off. "That's....that's just so Stark."

"Yeah. Thankfully he's settled down some from those days."

"He has. He'd probably blame Pepper."

"Maybe. She's good for him."

"She is." He smiled. "Any other juicy stories?"

"No, not really." Someone knocked. "That's odd." She got up to answer it, looking at the guard. "What's wrong?" she asked. He held up the package. "I don't get mail here."

"It was couriered over from your boss."

"Shelly's at an event. She's working on strategies for joining forces with a kids foodbank program." She looked at it but didn't touch it. "That's not her handwriting either."

"Crap. We needed to make sure."

"I know the rules. All my mail goes to my PO box downtown. Did it get scanned?"

"I hope so," he said, calling that in. His bosses showed up to grab the package and take it to be tested. "Thanks, Lewis."

"Welcome. Thank you for telling me someone found me here. So far all I knew was the director for SHIELD had found me through an agent who lives here."

He grimaced. "We'll talk to them and him about that. Be safe." He walked off, following the package.

Darcy closed and locked the door, staring at Scott. "That's super weird."

"Do you want to move to a hotel for the night?"

"No. I'm safer here. Even if they had something to track where my apartment is, there's shielding stuff in all the buildings." She sat down again. She got a text message so looked at her phone. "It had chemicals to make us screw like dogs in heat."

Scott shook his head. "I'm not like that."

She looked at him. "It's kinda potent. Jane got a report about it to see if one of the ingredients was a space dust."

"Was it?"

"Something organic that was identified on an asteroid by Venus thanks to a satellite."

"Huh. Interesting. How bad is it?"

"Screwing like dogs in heat. They stole the formula and made some to test it. They took volunteers who were married to test it on." She shifted to curl up around her knees. "They spent a few days in medical at SHIELD recovering from the two hour dosing and four days of screwing hard each time they were awake."

Scott winced. "Then yeah, let's not try that."

She smiled. "You're cute but I know you're taken."

"I think we're more staying friends than ever getting back together."

"If you're sure but I saw how you looked at her in DC."

He grinned. "She's pretty." Darcy grinned. "We're mostly just friends. Those are hard to come by."

"Yes they are. Which is why I never screwed anyone in the tower."

He nodded. "It's a good policy to have." Someone else knocked. "Want me to get it?"

"No." She flipped on the camera channel then went to open the door. "Who sent it?"

"Not really sure but it's dangerous."

"Yeah, Jane got a report on that to look at one of the ingredients for SHIELD. It's a space dust of some kind."

The guard grimaced but nodded. "That's nice. Probably hard to find thankfully but nice." Darcy smiled. "Are you settled in for the night?"

"Yeah. We're good. I can make dinner. I'm actually a pretty decent cook."

"That's handy. Who could've sent that to you?"

"Not sure. The death threats probably don't want me to screw. The HYDRA thing probably wouldn't want me to screw since they want to breed me to someone specific apparently." He grimaced but nodded once. "Other than that? No idea. I gave the head guy a list of threats when he asked why I needed such security. Unless it's someone like my attempted arranged marriage from my stepmom the whore, no idea really."

"Okay." He patted her on the cheek. "Be safe, Lewis." He walked off. "I'll let them know."

She shut the door.

Scott looked at her. "There's something on your cheek." He hopped up. "Q-tips?" She pointed and her hand was shaking. She stared at her hand oddly. He gathered it and some plastic wrap to put around it. Darcy got put onto the couch while Scott called the number that had texted her. "It's Scott Lang for Darcy Lewis. The guard that just showed up patted her cheek with something liquid and now she's shaking. I did take a sample, yes. Thank you." He hung up and moved to her, checking for a fever. "They're sending over their medic," he said quietly. "Are you feeling sick? Dizzy?"

"Unhappy," she said, shifting with a wince. "A lot of muscle pain so far."

"Okay. We'll make sure you make it through this and figure out who that guy was."

"I have no idea," she muttered, gritting her teeth together. Scott got up to get the door, letting in the guard commander he had met earlier and a guy carrying a medical tackle box. "He was one of you guys. I've seen him a few times."

Scott pointed. "Sample. I took three so Stark could have one in case it was needed."

"Good thinking." He took one to run. The medic was checking her over. He came back. "It's half that formula."

"It's not making me horny, it's giving me muscle cramps," Darcy complained. "I'm going to kill them. Or maybe just ruin them. Phone!" Scott handed it to her. She sent a text message to her boss then a few other friends. "I like the liberal sites that spread information." Scott took the phone from her hand when she moaned and shifted to curl up.

The medic looked up at him. "Do you want her at the ER?"

"Will they be able to help?"

"No. Probably not." He looked at his boss, taking the readout. "I've never even heard of street drugs that do this."

Scott called someone from his phone. "I'm going to send you a picture, tell me how to treat it, Bruce." He took a picture of that report and sent it then listened. "No, a supposed guard got Darcy. She's having muscle cramps and spasms and she's chattering like she's cold." He listened. "Warm bath? Anything to ease it? Yeah, it's related to that formula. They tried that earlier." He listened. "I can do that. Can I do tylenol or anything? I don't know if she has tea. Darcy, do you have muscle relaxing tea? Bruce said you used to have it." She pointed a shaky hand so he went to look.

"You have a tiny bit." Bruce gave him instructions for how to brew it. "You're sure it's safe? Okay, thanks. Yeah, I saved out a sample for you guys. Thanks, Bruce." He hung up and put the phone back into his pocket. "Bruce said to start with a hot bath for now. It can only help. If it gets dangerous I'll take her to the ER." They nodded and made notes, leaving him alone. "Okay, let's do the unusual stuff." He helped her up, walking her into the bathroom. He whistled. "I've never seen a tub that big." She fell to her knees, setting up a hot bath with jets.

"Sure." He went to make the tea then came back to help her into the tub. "No offense but I doubt the clothes will help. I won't look though, I promise." He helped her strip off and into the water then went back to save the tea. Darcy got helped to sip the first few swallows and she sank into the water. "Good, we'll figure it out." He pushed her hair back, getting a hairband to put it up for her like his wife used to in her soaking baths.

Then he went to email Stark about things and having a sample for him and SHIELD both. Coulson himself showed up to get them. He handed over the report. "That's what their machines said. Earlier someone tried to deliver a package here for her and they found some sort of putting you into dog heat drugs. Their security team was really good. Fast, they had a medic on staff. The security guy that patted her cheek and spread whatever that is she identified as having been here."

"I'll look into it. Thank you, Lang. Is she going to be all right?"

"As far as Bruce thinks it'll taper off. She's in a hot bath with some tea. That was his order."

"Good. I'll have Fitz-Simmons run it immediately and let you know if they should do anything else. I'll also find out who sent those." He left, sending one sample to Stark with a robotic courier drone. He walked into the lab, holding the q-tip up. "Sample of something that got spread on a vulnerable woman's cheek. It's causing muscle spasms. Could be related to GR-859." Simmons took the swab to look at, nodding at it and shaving some off to test. "Scott Lang took the sample."

Fitz looked at him. "Darcy Lewis?" he asked. Coulson nodded. "How does she get into these things?"

"She's gotten into strange things since she was a young teen. She was twelve and nearly bought by a sheik who was in to do a deal with some producers in Hollywood."

He groaned. Simmons winced but shook her head. "That's bad," she said. "Is she going to be all right?"

"Banner's advice was some tea and a hot bath to help her come down. Give me anything else they might have to do." They nodded, getting back to work. "I sent the third sample to Stark in a drone. Half hour flight time." They nodded, calling up there to warn him and so they could go over any files they had on that original formula. He had a file on it just in case. They sent a suggestion to Coulson, who grimaced but passed that on.

***

Scott walked his phone into Darcy's bathroom, letting her hold it to read it. She grimaced. "Want me to go stand in the hallway?"

"It'll take a while," she said dryly. "My bedside drawer, the multi-vibe and the pink one please?" she asked with a grin. He took his phone back, bringing her those sex toys then closing the door of the bathroom so she'd have some privacy. She worked to fix her own problems with the vibrating toy and the dildo. The cramps kept interrupting her focus but she'd get there. She usually did.

Scott sat on the couch and tried not to listen, sending messages to Stark. When she finally broke he relaxed. He could hear her redoing the hot water but she sounded all right. No more pained moans. He shot back at Stark's 'take one for the good of humanity and the team' message with 'she asked for a vibrator so I'm not her type'. Then he asked if he had any scars from that burning incident. Stark growled back, making him smirk. "Jackass," he muttered as he smiled and relaxed. Darcy was getting breathy and moany again. It was a beautiful sound but she was right that he was interested in someone. She abruptly stopped and he winced. Those interrupted orgasms sucked a lot.

"Maybe I should hire someone," she complained. She could hear him laugh and it was a nice sound. She got back to curing herself. She wasn't going to count on anyone to help her with that problem.

***

Clint Barton walked into the lab zipping up his casual jacket. "So why do you really hover over Lewis?" he asked as he picked up the carrier with the antidote. Stark shot him a dirty look. "You treat her like she's your long lost daughter, Stark."

"I was only fourteen when she was born, Barton." He tossed down his pen to look at him fully. "Her mother would've killed me if I had suggested it and though a few wondered if she's my sister, her mother took a bat to one of them's plastic surgery face and ruined it for that. She was only a few weeks post-delivery though so they all thought her coming to the charity softball game was a bad idea." He smirked a tiny bit. "She was still a bit hormonal." Clint just stared at him. "Fine. Aunt Hannah was a lot like her little girl is. She took care of people.

"After my parents died, she was there checking on me every few days, trying to get me to quit drinking. She made me go back to college and she did make me quit partying so much. Hell, the woman used to nag me about table manners that my parents never cared if I learned," he said dryly. "Between her and Jarvis, the old family butler, they were more like real parents at times. Her husband wasn't too bad. A bit more standoffish but he was absolutely the dad that would stand there and cheer at his kid's baseball games and all that sappy dad stuff.

"He even cut filming for a tv show early one day to get to Darcy's kindergarten graduation. The studio chewed him a new one and penalized him but he had words about them being bad parents and using a nanny more than was advisable for healthy kids. Darcy got her feelings on that subject from them both." He smiled a tiny bit. "The first time I met Darcy she was six months old, grabbed onto the mustache I was trying to grow, and would not let go. Her mother laughed and took pictures. She would not let go for anything. My mother praised Darcy for being strong willed like her mom, and hopefully at least as compassionate.

"My mother's charity foundation didn't come around until Aunt Hannah suggested it and gave me ideas, plus helped me set it up. She was the first charity's president and had to rebuild it once because I screwed up the funding structure. She was the mom of the area. The other nanny-raised kids went to her for mom advice. Some day Darcy's going to be one hell of a mother, just like hers was. Her mom was my godmother. I was nearly as lost as Darcy when she died.

"Her dad scowled at me when I called his second wife, the evil bitch, a rented sex toy but he told me I was right when he finally kicked that habit. He needed something to take the grief out on. She complained at her trial that he called her by Aunt Hannah's name all too often. She tried to get him to call her Darcy instead but he was horrified and sent her on a cruise for six months. We think that's when she started to poison him. They were really great people. The sort that raise strong, uptight, helpful kids. Frankly I'm shocked Darcy partied at all. Her mom wasn't big on drinking, said it was nasty tasting and did bad things to her mind. She wanted to keep it for as long as possible."

"Wow." Clint stared at him. "So she's really a chip off the marble of her parents?"

"Definitely. Her mom used to nag her all the time about how often she fussed over others and not herself. Darcy wasn't one for the trappings that could go with their lives. Darcy's coming out party was six months late because she didn't want one because it'd be boring and she'd have to wear a gown. She kept trying to talk her mother into a picnic for it." Clint grinned, nodding a tiny bit. "She was one hell of a kid. I wish I had kept in better touch with her but it ultimately saved her from Obidiah. He would've match-made really fast and then tried to ruin her by making her do rich wife things." He flapped a hand around. "It would've driven her nuts and she would've went to charity work sooner." He grinned again. "Darcy would not have put up with that shit."

"She doesn't put up with much shit," Clint agreed. "So now what?"

"Now, she's like my cousin." He shrugged. "She's struggling a bit. I can see it in her facebook posts. She wants to do more and to help more and knows she's one lady who can only do so much. She's seeing how deep the pit is for the kids she works with. How many of them won't make it or will end up at the level of lifetime offender. She's already lost two of her mentoring kids to a gang and one to a cop who shot him for daring to be on his front stoop with a cigarette. They said he thought it was a joint and the kid had a gun. Darcy had a long scream about that in the press."

"Good. The kids could use it."

"They could. She's also helping one young girl who has a six month old kid. She's fourteen." Clint winced, shifting his weight. "Yeah, so she's seeing the stuff she was sheltered from. Aunt Hannah made sure Darcy knew there were bad things, that people suffered, and that Darcy had a responsibility to make the world a better place as an adult. Aunt Hannah worked with some abuse shelters and the like when they were first setting up. I remember asking her if I should hit her husband since she had been crying. She hugged me and told me why and made sure I'd never hit my partner. No matter what." He swallowed. "She was a good woman."

"That's good. Want me to bring her a letter?"

"Nah. I checked with Scott. She's got some battery operated friends in the tub with her. That antidote should at least ease it off if she's managed to break some of it. Thankfully they didn't give her the full formula."

"Why do it at all?" Clint asked.

"Have you noticed Steve's panicking? Bucky went to the park earlier by himself." Clint winced, nodding slightly. "So yeah, they were probably hoping she'd jump him and do their dirty work for them."

"Fuck 'em," Clint decided. "Should it be refrigerated?"

"It's a climate controlled carrier. Call Scott when you're in Chicago so he can lead you there or come get it for you."

"I can do that. I know about her apartment building. I think we should put one up here in New York."

"They'd never allow a bunch of empty buildings that way. Housing's too precious around here." Clint nodded, taking the carrier up to the landing deck so he could take their quinn jet to Chicago. Stark looked at Jane then pointed at his mirror. "We both saw you, Jane. That's why I put that mirror up. So what's up?"

"Darcy's sick?"

"Someone dosed her with half the formula of that super inhibitant remover. She's somewhat stuck at the moment trying to fight it off." He stared at her. "Why do you care?"

"She was my friend for years before she huffed off."

"If her mother was still alive, she would've pulled Darcy from you in New Mexico because it was getting co-dependent," he said honestly. "She was taking more care of you than herself. Darcy can get lost that way but it's a bad thing for anyone to get that deep and needy-fixing." He shrugged. "It's unhealthy when we dive into science to take care of the wrong things in our lives. It pisses off our spouses and lovers and it doesn't do much to encourage others into science either.

"It's a problem, nearly an addiction, but it's our coping mechanism. Darcy was helping you with yours but she couldn't keep doing that, Jane. Would she have given up her life for you? Never gotten her degrees? Never done anything?" She pouted as she walked off. "Go home. Thor's probably missing being snored on." He turned back around, looking at what he was tinkering with. "That's good advice I should take," he decided, locking down all the labs so everyone had to go home. It was a bad habit he needed to solve for himself. Pepper hated that he did that and he hated disappointing Pepper.

***

Scott found the security office, leaning in with a grin. "Someone's bringing Darcy an antidote."

"Do you want escorted to where you'll meet him or are you suggesting he come here?" the head of the security teams, Carlos, asked with a smirk.

"It's Barton."

"He's a nice guy according to Darcy's facebook," he agreed.

"He's also a former SHIELD agent and an Avenger."

"I know." He stared at him. "We'll meet him at the gates. Did you tell Darcy?"

"Yeah, she was worried you guys wouldn't let him in."

"We might make an exception," he admitted. "SHIELD already knows we're here." He nodded, texting Clint to meet him at a certain address up the street. He showed him. "That's nice. A block from the main entrance. I'll send some guards with you."

"Thanks. Darcy's a sweet lady. I hate to see anyone dealing with this." He left, going to that address. Clint got there about a half-hour later and the guards took the carrier to check then Scott nodded and Clint followed, hands in his pockets. Scott grinned. "They're the building's security team."

"That's a great thing," Clint agreed. "We're still trying to figure out why HYDRA wants Darcy."

"I thought we knew."

"Yeah but this is too huge. Why her genes specifically?" Clint asked, looking at him. "Why just her?"

"Maybe Barnes didn't ping on anyone else?"

"Maybe," he agreed. "Still seems odd that they're so focused on her and only her. There's plenty of busty, curvy brunettes out there."

"But he'd trust her because Steve does," Scott reminded him.

"We thought about that. If they're going to do the brain thing again, why would that matter?"

"I don't know," Scott admitted. "I'm just a guy. Did you ask Stark?"

"And Banner. They're brainstorming about it but quietly just in case."

"That's good."

"Did you actually let Darcy go out with a super villain?" he asked as they walked through the gateway.

"He seemed decent. He was nicely dressed, had good manners at dinner, was interested in her work. He didn't flirt too hard with her. He wasn't showing any evil signs. He was just a nice guy that I hope she finds soon. Then she found out thanks to your email and they talked about it. He still writes her. I found a letter in her mail." Clint groaned with a head shake. One of the security team was looking back at them. "That new warlord wannabe? Him. He was really nice when they went to dinner those few times. I had no idea he was a villain at all."

"I remember filing that incident," one of them complained, shaking his head. "He was nice. A very nice guy, who just wanted to reorder the world so it worked better to how he thought. Without genocide, which we all thought was nice of him."

Clint nodded. "He is that. I'll give you that but Darcy needs a great lover and friend sort of boyfriend. Or girlfriend. I heard she dated one."

"High school," Scott quipped with a grin. "She's married now. I asked to make her quit moping about one of her tutoring kids disappearing into a gang."

"Yeah, that'd suck," Clint decided with a nod. They were let into Darcy's building and brought up on the elevator. "We need a system like this in New York but Stark thought it'd never fly with so many empty rooms."

"We tried," one of the guards said with a grin for him. "Didn't get passed."

Scott stared at him then punched him. "You're the guy that dosed Darcy earlier." Clint grabbed the carrier from one of the guards so he could pounce the other guy. Scott nodded and took Clint up there. He knocked before walking in. "We're back," he called. "Her bedroom's that way," he said with a point. "She's sweet but I'm not going to go help," he said quietly. "I don't treat women like they're meaningless to me."

Clint nodded. "I've had to do that on assignment a few times." He took off his jacket and tossed it onto a chair before walking in there. Darcy was moaning in the tub. "Hey, Princess."

"Fuck," she muttered. This is not the way she wanted this guy to see her naked.

"We worked out a partial antidote." Her hand flopped out with a 'gimme' hand motion. "Sorry, shot time." He pulled out what he needed, injecting it into her arm. She winced but shifted to face him better. He brushed her sweaty hair back. "It should decrease it if you've broken some of it."

"I hope I have. My batteries are dead and I'm sore from the vibrator." She blinked up at him. "They sent you?"

"No, I flew it out." He grinned. "I grabbed the lucky straw first." He settled in next to her. "How you feelin'?"

"Bad. Aches." She swallowed. "A lot."

"Okay, well, do you want help to fix that? Scott's kinda noble that way but I think you're hot enough to be one of the groupies I sleep with." She glared at him. He grinned. "The offer's there if you need the help." She splashed him but threw her vibrators out of the tub. "That a yes, Lewis?"

"Please? I can't take too much more of this, Clint. It hurts so I lose focus and lose my place then the problems grow and I hurt more from them."

"I can handle that for you." He helped her out and dried her off, taking her to her bedroom. Scott took a book to read in the hallway so he didn't have to eavesdrop. It was polite of him.

****

Darcy wobbled out for coffee the next morning, looking at the guy on her couch. "I don't care if you masturbated to us. I realize I was making bitch noises last night and that was hot. So if you did, great. Because being on the team means you're always under stress. If not, go for it and clean out the shower, Scott. I'm not uptight and my guests are more than welcome to blow off some steam in my super shower." She poured cups for her and Clint, walking off. "Also, I have no manners so if you want coffee, slurp before we get to the second cup. Because Clint and I keep Columbia in honest business some days." She closed the bedroom door with a kick since Clint was in the shower. She settled back on the bed to sip her coffee and wait on the awkward conversation.

Clint came out in a towel and nothing else, staring at her before taking his coffee. "It was just helping out a friend, Darcy."

"I'm going to say thank you for that and it was really good for that helpfulness." She grinned. "I have no problem with anything we did, Clint, and you're damn good at it." He blushed a bit, ducking his head. "So I'll leave it at thank you and we're not going to get awkward about it. Or clingy. I'm not a groupie so I'm not going to tell everyone."

"Thanks." He took a kiss. "Let me get dressed. Scott?"

"Couch. Watching Good Morning America."

"Cool." He slid into his clothes, letting her go shower off her sweat and do the same thing while he went to talk to Scott and check in. "You good?" he asked as he came out for a second cup of coffee.

"I've been fine. You okay?"

"I'm fine." He grinned. "It's not going to become that awkward, weird thing that some people do after one night stands."

"That's good. Darcy really could use more friends in her life. Not too many people would've told me to go ahead and masturbate to you two."

Clint grinned. "I'm spectacular at it. Of course you want to."

"Are you a Stark?" he joked with a smirk.

"Not hardly. I'm not that smart." He sipped his coffee and looked in the fridge then at the bedroom. "You don't have any food, Darcy."

"It's in the freezer," she called. "I made breakfast burritos ahead of time for my late mornings."

Clint got some down to microwave and handed Scott some too. They sat down to wait on Darcy so they could call in for a med check of her. That way they knew it wouldn't be coming back again. Neither one wanted her to have to go through that again.

****

Darcy was walking around the convention center, grimacing at what she was seeing. She had been allowed back to work after her dosing, almost three weeks now. "Drama princesses without a degree," she decided, sidestepping a problem man who had paused to take pictures of a piece flesh...er a woman with a gun wearing a bikini because apparently that's all he understood as art. She grimaced at the woman, who almost seemed to shrug. For her it was probably a paying job.

"Can't fault a woman for needing a job," she decided, making the woman smile a bit. "Even if it does objectify her. Stay strong, ma'am, I'm sure you'll find something better soon." The man she had walked around glared at her but she ignored it. She was there to meet with one of their bigger donors so she was a bit gussied up in a business suit. Nice shoes. Hair back in a french twist. Tasteful jewelry that wasn't anything fabulous but a simple set of chains and earrings.

She rolled her eyes at the staring one guy was doing from his booth. "Not into you, dude. Eyes left." He quit staring, blushing a bit at being caught. She smiled as she saw her target. "Mr. Daliens." He smiled at her. "Darcy Lewis, Shelly's assistant." She pulled out the papers. "Here you go. She said you needed new copies to bring to your wife, sir."

"Thank you, Darcy. I've always admired the work you and Shelly do."

She smiled. "Thank you. We're expanding past some of the tutoring to include food banks with our students. Even though now and then I sneak in a few homemade, healthier cookies, we're working with a new group that gives fruit products to the kids."

"That's an excellent ideas. Healthier eating and they can do it while they study." He walked off with her. "How is Shelly?"

"Miserable. That flu of hers is really knocking her down. She was in the ER last night for the fever that would not quit."

"Poor lady. You both probably work too hard." She smiled and tipped her head a bit. "It's good that someone cares."

"It does seem to be more rare these days," she agreed. They ran into the wife and Darcy smiled, holding out her hand. "Darcy Lewis, ma'am. Shelly's super assistant sort."

She smiled and shook her hand. "Poor Shelly, the flu must be terrible."

"She was in the ER last night for the fever that wouldn't go down," Darcy told her.

"Tell her we said to get better, Darcy."

"I can do that. Also, since I know this is our prospectus of the coming year's works, I included the two projects pitched to us that we're considering for the upcoming year and a half. One of them local and one is reaching out into the more rural areas outside the city. I hope I didn't overstep but at least you'd know where we were looking."

"No, I like that. That way we know where you two are putting your energy."

Darcy smiled. "We've recently teamed up with a food bank that gives fruit products to our tutoring kids. And of course I make healthy cookies sometimes. They really help around test times."

She laughed but nodded. "They did when I was at Vassar."

"Me too at Culver. Those were more fun days though." She smiled a slight bit, nodding at someone she recognized then at the woman again. "One of the consolidation team. Shelly asked me very nicely to quit giving him real information on the harm of consolidating schools."

The husband laughed. "I can see how it'd be worse. You have a nice afternoon, Darcy."

"You two as well. Let me escape before someone expects me to be that poor woman with the gun." She smiled and left the alone. She ran into a problem out in the entry to the convention. Someone grabbed her by the ass. "Get off me!" she ordered, turning to hit them. "I did not give you permission to feel my ass up. Nor did I give you permission for your fingers to try to enter my anal column, sir."

He glared at her as he got up. "Arrest her for assault," he ordered.

"And I'm going to counter sue as you tried to rape me." She stared at him. He laughed. "Intentional, unwanted physical contact with my anal cavity is rape by definition. The rest of us also call it tacky and unmannerly behavior." An officer came over. "Arrest him for trying to finger my asshole please. I did not want him to touch me, did not ask him to touch me, but he sure as shit did grab my ass as I walked past him."

"Pretty girls should be flattered by my attention," he sneered, trying to loom over her. His hands were balled up at his sides as he moved toward her. She pulled her tazer and hit him with it, making him scream. Now people were coming to help.

"No woman should have to force herself to be flattered by your presence." Guards came running. "Nor am I. That's why I sent the legal letter to make you stop trying to flirt with me on air. You're not worthy of anything. And aren't you married to your third trophy toy? Or is it the fourth one?" She considered it. "No, I think you're still wearing out the third one. Like a dementor, everyone looks older after having been near you." He tried to lunge at her so she hit the trigger again, making him scream. "Don't make me feel more threatened, sir. I will shoot you. Stand your ground law," she quipped with a smile. "Just like you push for."

"Ma'am," an agent said. "Come with us please?"

"No." She looked at him then at the crying idiot. "Not until he's under arrest for trying to finger my ass. I didn't want him to touch me yet he did. If I have to shoot him, that's fine. He's threatening my safety." She stared at the agent. Who was calling that in.

"Who are you, ma'am?"

"Darcy DeCriths, sometimes Lewis," she said with a smile. The man tried to lunge at her again so she had her gun out. She stared at him. "Not even blind people could miss at this range." He backed off, hands held up. "You don't have the right to touch anyone against their wills. Yet you still pushed it hoping to humiliate me. Pity, but I'm actually worth more than you are and I'll destroy you." She smiled slightly. "I'd consider it a public service to get rapists off the street." An officer pulled out cuffs. "For me?" she asked. "That's fine." She held out a wrist.

"No ma'am," the agent said, hanging up. "The security tape backs you up. He actually followed you to get your ass."

She grimaced. "How distasteful. Especially after I filed a restraining order against him mentioning he'd like to bang me on international news during a press conference," she said dryly.

The man sneered. "I doubt I said that. Not like you're worthy. You're fat."

Darcy snorted, shaking her head. "No, real women have curves. It's how our bodies are supposed to be. If you don't realize that, you have fun picking up your next trophy spouse at an eating disorder clinic." He huffed off. "Have fun sliding off on your slime, sir." She smiled and waved at his back. Then she glared at the agent. "So help me God if he comes near me again I'm going to end the threat to my life," she vowed. "You can tell the Secret Goddamn Service I said that too."

"I... we'll make note of this in his file." His supervisor was having a fit in his office about all this. It definitely looked bad on them.

She ejected the used tazer cartridge and put it into her holster under her jacket then her gun. "I deal with real men all day. Ones like that I don't put up with, especially when they try to assault me."

"Yes, ma'am. Can we escort you out?"

She smiled. "Gladly. I took a cab though."

"We can make sure you get out of here safely, ma'am."

"Thank you. Can you make sure he doesn't molest the models with guns in there? I doubt he let them load them for their own security. They're vulnerable because no one can run in stiletto heels."

"I'm sure we're going to be on guard for more assaults, ma'am. Who are you?"

She smiled. "I do charity work with inner city youth to help them get an education so they can get out of the hellhole they've been forced into."

"That's a great thing," another agent agreed, coming forward. "Miss Lewis, are you all right?"

"I'm fine, SHIELD agent guy. Why?" She stared at him.

"You shouldn't have to shoot men like that, Miss Lewis."

"But I am perfectly capable."

"I know, ma'am, but we just got an alert that we had to come save you."

"No, you could've written the judge a statement," she said dryly. She smiled at the agent then at the second one. "Let me get a cab so I can go take down my hair and tell my boss that I just had to hurt someone. She hates it because it brings the wrong attention, but...I doubt she wanted me to be raped either." The agents smiled and helped her outside, getting her a cab so she could go tell others in her political and social media groups.

The SHIELD agent looked at the other one. "There was a restraining order filed," he agreed. "I can have it pulled up for you."

"No, our boss saw it and the legal statement in the paper. Is she for real?"

"Yeah. She tazed Thor once."

"Oh, wow."

"She also destroyed a senator for his son's bad deed at a college in Pennsylvania."

"Oh!" He nodded with a smile. That explained his boss's fit. "That makes more sense about her. At least she's not evil."

"Yet. She'll go there if she has to." He walked off. "One of our people under guarding is in here. I'm going to evacuate him."

"Have fun. I've got to follow the huffy thing and if he gets arrested I get the day off." He went to follow his guardee, who was complaining to a reporter.

"Why didn't you stop her from assaulting me," he demanded to the agent.

"Because I'm not to interfere in matters of self defense, sir. She was defending herself and her right to not be molested." He called in. "I need to switch out with another agent," he reported. He hung up and put his phone into his pocket. "I'll stay until the new agent gets here, sir. That way you're not vulnerable."

"I have guns," he sneered.

"Yes but she was still faster on the draw." The reporter was choking. The agent stared at them then at his guardee. "Shouldn't you be heading for a safer area, sir. That is protocol. There are other threats in here."

"Get out," he ordered with a point. "You're fired."

"No, sir, I'm relieved of position. Only my director can fire me and I can sue him and you for that." He walked off happier. He stared at one man. "Hands off the model, sir. They're like art, to be looked at but not touched." The man huffed off. The model smiled at him. "Tell an agent if you get molested, ma'am. That wasn't the first incident today." He met up with his replacement in the security room. "Have fun, Bradders."

"Great fun," he said dryly. "That woman?"

"Charity worker. Here to drop off papers to a donor for her charity."

"Oh."

"He started it. Women do have the right to not be touched against their wills. She would've kept it at hitting him if he hadn't escalated the threat."

"I guess," he complained. "We still have to guard the target."

The first agent looked at him. "I'm not going to stand by and let him rape someone. If you are, I'll let the higher ups know." He walked off, going to report, with a copy of the tape. "Sorry, sir, not going to stand by and let a young woman be raped," he said as he walked into the office. "I also noted if he tried to force someone to fire me for that I'd be suing so he's sneering about me probably." He handed over the DVD.

The supervisor ran it, wincing. "She was right, she has the right of self defense. He's an arrogant asshole." He looked up. "You'll still probably have to transfer."

"He doesn't live in this city, sir."

"He could be elected."

"Then I'll move to Alaska. At least their loudmouths up there aren't that stupid." He looked up that name, finding that file to hand over. "Same woman." His supervisor read it with a wince. "I doubt JFK's guards had to deal with this, sir, but I'm not going to stand by to let someone be raped. Braggers didn't feel like she should have protected herself but if it was my wife or daughter I would've killed him."

"Me too," he admitted, handing back the phone. "I should still transfer you."

He called his wife. "I'm being transferred. Is there anywhere you want me to ask for?" he asked nicely with a smile for his boss. "Sure, by your sister's fine as long as we don't have to babysit. No, it's probably on the news." He hung up. "She wanted Houston or Alabama, sir. She has sisters in each place."

"They're both hot, sweaty offices," he said dryly. "You like cold weather."

"Happy wife, happy life, sir," he said dryly.

"Good point." He filled out the paperwork, letting him sign it with a smile. "An hour away so close enough to visit but not be asked to babysit often." His agent smiled and nodded, going to pack his desk so he could be moved. He sent an email to his director, who showed up later to see that footage. He had pulled up all the files on that young woman. She was spunky, mouthy, and wealthy. It was a deadly combination in some fields.

***
Part 4 by voracity
Darcy came in to work the next day, smiling at her boss. "If you have to fire me, so be it," she said before Shelly could do more than stare at her.

"You still have a tazer?"

"Yeah. I believe in non-lethal means first when possible."

"That's a nice ideal. Would you have shot him?"

"Yes. That was my safety at risk." Her desk phone rang so she frowned at it then smiled at her boss. "I'm betting that's a nagging someone."

"I'm sure it is and it went to voicemail," she said dryly. "I honestly should make a statement of some sort."

"One of the kids I tutor called up last night to tell me to shoot first and then mouth off. It was safer and he couldn't hurt me that way."

"Yeah," she agreed. "I can agree with that in many ways. It's going to cause a huge stink, Darcy," she sighed.

"Actually I have a restraining order against him because he mentioned he wanted to bang me during a speech. His oh-so-classy words."

"Eww!"

"Yeah, my feelings exactly. All I knew is someone grabbed my ass and used their finger to try to push into my ass."

"Wow. Yeah, that you deck someone for and he escalated it. Make a statement."

Darcy smiled. "I can do that." She went to her desk to write something up. She dialed into her voicemail, inputing her code and putting it on speaker.

"Eww," Scott's voice said. "That man is disgusting, I'm glad you hurt him, you should've hurt him more, Darcy. Next time, just shoot the asshole then taze him. Barton's all but livid and wanting to come out there to guard you again. Even Romanoff walked off swearing, in English this time! About his greasy, tiny hands and gross being. Are you all right? You'd better call within minutes, young lady. Before more than just Barton comes out there." He hung up.

She dialed him, smiling as she kicked back. "If he had tried one more thing I would've shot him, Scott. He was threatening me and you know I don't whimper and cry when I'm threatened." She laughed, listening to him rant. And Clint in the background. "I'm fine. Shelly hasn't had to fire me yet to save the group's donations. It's all good and I'm okay. Yeah, I heard his complaining about me at his speech that night. About pretty girls who feel entitled to put admiring men down. I already made a press statement to that on my twitter.

"No, I'm okay, Scott. I had enough layers on I barely felt his tiny, shriveled finger try to breach my ass. No, Clint's not allowed to snipe him, Scott. We have to play nicely sometimes. Though ask Clint who sent the SHIELD agent?" He did that. "Huh. That's just coinkydink then, huh? Yeah, one showed up. Thank him for me for the offer but if I want him sniped, I'll go do it myself. That'd at least free his latest trophy toy he's sucking the life from. You hadn't noticed all his wives come out of their marriages looking older?

"He's a dementor, he sucks the life from them, Scott. I promise, it's okay and I'm fine. Calm Clint down. I made fudge I mailed on the way in this morning. It's coming to you since Clint's mail is being kept again. No, I'm fine. I promise I'm fine. One of the kids I tutor, Julio, remember him? He called me up last night and told me to shoot him instead of taze him, it'd be safer. So yeah, I'm okay. Tell everyone I said hi. Talk to Cassie about self defense stuff too. She's at the age where skanky pervs start to come out of the woodwork. Or the fire escape in our case, but I had him arrested the other day.

"No, he had barely legal kiddy porn out there with him. I ran him off the damn fire escape and ranted at a cop. They said it was barely legal so not kiddy porn but they did arrest him for lewd behavior in public. I warned them to take the magazine since we're a children's charity or else I'd have to burn it and his stash upstairs. They went up there and found his mail order teenage hostage bride, who was pregnant, and his kiddy porn stash. So he's in jail." She smiled. "Thanks, man. Yup, see you at that convention. Have fun." She hung up and got back to work on that statement.

"I remember Scott being here but who is he really?" Shelly called from her desk.

"Um, the guy in the other suit that shrinks," she said with a grin at the paper she was working out the wording on.

"Oh, god, he's an Avenger."

Darcy leaned over to look in there. "He's a really nice guy. He didn't even hit on me when I got hit with that aphrodisiac stuff." She sat back up to go back to work. "You have a dental appointment at two."

"I rescheduled due to the flu and you, dear," she said dryly.

"My mother would've complained I used the word ass instead of buttocks."

Shelly burst out laughing, shaking her head.

***

Stark came out of the lab after two days of tinkering, glaring at everyone. "What is going on with Darcy?" he demanded. Thor scowled at him. "Shut up, Thor. Anyone? She's been trending on twitter for three days and that's almost unheard of unless you're a music star that died."

"A presidential candidate tried to get handsy so she trounced his ass," Bruce said with a tiny wave and a grin. "Nearly shot him."

"Excuse me?" Stark demanded. They found the film for him, it was all over the internet in edited and non-edited format. He stared, glaring at what was happening. "That man has to go." He stomped off. "PEPPER!" he bellowed. "We have to ruin someone! Put on the mean shoes!"

"Too late," she called from the kitchen. "We've already publically expressed great displeasure with how he tried to treat that young woman and said if he was like that with women no wonder he had to buy a wife or three." She smiled when Stark stomped in there, kissing him on the cheek. "I've already checked on her. She's grumbling about the attention issue and someone asking her to run for public office, but she's happy she could fight him off." She stared at him. "She's okay. She even told Barton he couldn't go shoot the slimy asshole." She pulled up Darcy's statement to the press about it, letting him read it. He burst out laughing. "I agree, her mother probably would've liked her to use more lady-like language but the guy probably wouldn't have understood that either. So can you calm down?"

"I guess." He handed her back her phone. "Is that dinner?" he asked, frowning some.

"Only if you go shower and all that good stuff. You stink, Tony." He huffed but went to shower and change clothes. She smiled at the others, who all tried not to smile back. Pepper carefully had Tony wrapped around her fist and she used the power well.

***

Darcy flinched when someone jumped out at her. "What're you gonna do now, lady?" the male voice sneered. She struggled and stabbed him. He screamed and went down.

Darcy pushed back her pony tail. "Not put up with it. No woman should put up with it. Women have rights. Including the right not to be touched."

"Cut!" the director yelled. "Great take, Miss Lewis."

She smiled. "Thank you. I never saw this from this side of the camera." The director looked at her. "Oh, sorry, Donald DeCriths was my dad." He moaned, smiling at her. She grinned. "I'm often compared to Mom, yeah." He laughed but nodded. "Thank you for letting me help film that PSA. I think it's really important." She helped the actor up. "I didn't hurt you, right?"

"The padding made sure," he said with a smile.

"Cool. Thanks, guys." She walked off, going to go home. She had a dinner date tonight. Hopefully this one wouldn't stare at her like she was about to kill him like her one last week.

The director smiled. "I never noticed it but she does look a lot like her mother. She was a sweet lady that did charity work too." He got things wrapped up and called Stark to tell Miss Potts that the commercial was done so she could view it in two days when it was stitched together. Everyone else got to go home too. It was nice Darcy had gotten it in two takes. She took instruction well. Must've gotten some training from her dad.

***

Darcy looked up from her typing as someone walked into their office. "Yes?" she asked the guy. He looked like an agent. He was in a medium-poor suit in navy blue and had sunglasses in his pocket. "Can we help you?"

"Miss DeCriths, we'd like to talk to you," he said.

She smiled. "Go ahead. My boss isn't here at the moment. She's downstairs for the next twenty minutes."

He stared at her. "Are you aware that our agents should have arrested you?"

"If he touches me and I hit him, that's self defense," she said. "If your *agents* are that strong to stop me from defending myself, then that's a problem that should be addressed." She stood up. "I'm not the average little girl, Agent.... whoever." He sneered. "If your job is to protect the rapist instead of keeping him from raping, then that's a problem of priorities. I'll be sure to let others know that."

"Miss, it's not nice to threaten us."

"I haven't threatened you yet." She smiled slightly. "You'll know if I threaten you. By the way, I also don't believe you're an agent. Real agents show their ID's before they talk. I've met plenty. Should I call one?" He stepped back, looking pissed off. She stared at him. "You have a great day," she said with a smile. "And please, next time send a real agent who does things properly." She sat down, smoothing out her skirt. "Have a good day and thank you for visiting us." He stomped off. She reached up to grab down the camera to download the footage. It was a bit blurry. "I have to find out how to set that up better." She downloaded it and sent it out to her progressive media friends and social circle. One of them reported it wasn't an agent. She smiled and sent back a 'thank you'. That was very interesting. She was putting the camera back when Shelly came back. "We had a fake agent show up."

Shelly stared at her. "You sure he was fake?"

"Someone identified who he was." She smiled. "I can ask for a favor to identify his agency." She tapped her fingers on her keyboard and then typed in an email to someone. She got back one almost immediately about having seen that video on the progressive media site she blogged at. "No, he's not an agent. He's a privately paid bodyguard." She smiled. "So he's in trouble for pretending to be an agent." Shelly walked off shaking her head. "You know, people like that might just make me run for an office so I can decry their type." She made sure the camera was plugged back in properly and was doing a good video capture. It was much clearer now so he had a jammer of some sort. Charming!

Someone stomped in, staring at her. "Lewis."

"Clint." She smiled. "What's up?" She leaned back.

"You got a death threat."

"Oh, wonderful." She smiled. "From the same little troll? Or someone else who sent someone to threaten me?"

He blinked. "Excuse me?" She turned her monitor so he could see it. Shelly came out to watch too. Shelly got to moan about what she saw. Clint stared at her. "How do you attract that sort?"

"I don't know. How did I attract Ian?"

"We thought he was targeted to get closer to Jane but we're not sure." He smiled. "Someone tried to snipe the wannabe rapist."

"Woohoo! Means I don't have to," she said sarcastically.

He snorted, smirking at her. "He's blaming you and threatened he'd be seeing you not only in court but dead at his feet."

She waved a hand, picking up her coffee at the end to sip. "I didn't hire anyone. If I wanted him to die, I would've killed him myself."

Clint smirked. "You're not that good."

"I can pretend."

"Point." He stared at her. "You're still under death threat. He can hire people and probably isn't against it."

She smiled. "Are you suggesting I call an ex-boyfriend?"

"Or move," he said.

"I doubt they could find my apartment."

"Me too. I popped in to talk to the security team about that. The head guy, Carlos, he just groaned." She grinned but nodded. "I'm sure he's seen worse. Can you make note of it?"

"Yeah, I can do that." She dialed the phone and put it on speaker.

"Daily Mail, how can I direct your call?" a female voice said.

"Rachel Devorin's desk please?" Darcy asked politely.

"Just a moment." Hold music came on then a voicemail message.

Darcy rolled her eyes. "Rachel, it's Darcy Lewis. I've just been told I'm being accused of hiring someone to kill the tasteless moron who tried to molest me. I did not hire anyone. If I wanted him dead, I'd do it myself. Can you call me back later about that if you think there's a story there? Thanks." She hung up and looked at Clint then turned to her computer to make a new blog entry. She let Clint and Shelly read it, making Shelly snicker as she walked off. Clint nodded and she sent it in. She sent out a statement on her facebook and twitter account too. That way someone could find it. Her cellphone rang so she answered it and walked off talking to that reporter.

Clint sat in her seat, shaking his head. Darcy was still real full of life, and full of pissing people off when it was needed. Clint looked into the office. "Darcy's superpower is irritating people until they give in and do what she wants them to do," he quipped, cracking Shelly up.

"I heard that," Darcy called from the hallway. "I'm not making you fudge again this month."

"Sorry," he called back, looking at the remarks coming in. "Wow, some hateful cunts on here. Hey, Darcy, you should see some of these comments."

She came in to look then snorted and answered. She read a few and noted what she replied as she walked off. She and the reporter were both appalled and horrified but oh well.

Clint shook his head, sending a text message to Natasha and Stark. They could handle it if this came back on them.

***

Steve got tossed the phone from Natasha, reading the text message. "How mean can they be?"

"Very stupid," Natasha said. "But they're the same sort that would vote for that odious creep."

Steve looked up that site, frowning at what he read. "He did what?"

"That's not that unusual," she said, coming back with a bottle of water. She handed that over and held out a hand but he kept the phone to keep reading. He scowled at her when she cleared her throat. "Can we help?"

"I can easily go point out that real women do protect ourselves and others when possible. Such threats prove he's not a true man."

"Let me help you do that." He stared at her.

She smiled slightly. "We may be able to do that."

Thor stomped in. "Why are they talking about Darcy now?" he demanded.

"The creep that tried to grope her so she nearly killed him is now threatening her life," Steve said bluntly. Thor growled. "Apparently he doesn't think he should be stopped in anything."

"If we had a way he'd make an interesting infant. He moans like a toddler," Natasha said as she walked off. "Let me make a statement on our team twitter."

"I'll post one after you," Steve said, looking at Thor. "Did you not see how she had to defend herself?"

"I did. It was worthy of her to do," Thor agreed. "I still do not like that she snubbed my family."

Steve sighed. "Thor, what you were thinking was a bodyguard for the baby, right?" He nodded once. "That's not what a nanny is. A nanny is the caretaker. The one who changes diapers and does all the mom things instead of the parents." Thor frowned. "That's a servant. Darcy's also had a point that they end up with problems. The kids end up with problems because they're being raised and taught to respect someone their parents hired to do that for them. The nannies can be removed after years of taking care of the kids. That causes a lot of pain. Would you really want someone to do that?"

"No." He frowned. "I know not how to handle this. What of our current nurse?"

"The current nanny's good. She takes good care of your daughter." He stared at him. "A lot more than you do. Dads on Midgard, they're there for kids. They play with them, they teach them, they change and feed them, all that stuff. You're letting her be raised like Stark was because his parents were always busy," he finished more quietly. "Will she be worthy of your mother's legacy?"

Thor considered it, frowning. "I would hope so. I can make sure of it however."

"Please do. Your nanny's got a cold right now and could probably use a day off to rest."

"Jane...."

"Hasn't come out of the lab in days, Thor. Her current assistant is allowing it and encouraging that because it means more science coming out." He patted him on the arm. "Do what your mom would want you to do. That's what I do when I'm trying to figure out the right thing. Our moms raised us to be good men. We have to raise any kids to be just as good as they'd want us to be." He walked around him.

Thor nodded. "My mother would be upset at all this," he agreed with a sigh. He went to gather his precious little spawn. The nurse jumped up and grabbed a weapon when he walked into the baby's room. "I come to play with her so you can rest. Steven said you were ill and need to rest."

"It's just a cold, Lord Thor," she said quietly.

He stared at her. "Which can turn worse if you do not rest," he said, smiling some. "You go rest and I'll handle her needs unless we have a battle. I'm not doing much today."

"She's actually napping."

"That's even nicer. She is like her mother, they never sleep." The nanny tried not to smile. "Go rest. I'll bring her to the living room to rest and play with me." He carried her bag and crib out there, putting it next to the couch so he could watch over her. He thought about how he had expected Darcy to want to do that same job. It wasn't fair to her. Darcy needed children of her own and his would suffer if she had to do the nurse's job. No, this was better for them all. Even if Jane's mind had been taken by science again. Someday soon he was going to have to stop that. Stark walked past reading. "Stark, tell me of these nannies you grew up with?" he asked quietly.

He looked over then at the baby then at him. "She was the greatest almost-mom in my life. I really hated when my parents sent her away and I wrote her an apology letter because I didn't realize what a shit I was to her sometimes, and how hard it was to guard me." He flopped down to stare at him. "My dad was a lot like Jane. He was lucky to see me once a week or so. My mom was there more often but she found things to take her attention since my father wasn't." Thor nodded with a grimace, looking at his daughter.

"She did good with me. She taught me a lot about how to be a man. I wasn't getting it any other way." He shrugged some. "She was a great woman. I adored her once I grew up enough to realize that she had taken good care of me. I was lucky that she was so good. I've seen some kids have some seriously damaged women as nannies. There's still problems with being raised with one.

"I had a lot of problems learning to respect and admire a person my parents hired to keep me out of their way, like I was a burden. That's probably why I'll never have kids of my own." Thor nodded at that. "She gave me the love I needed but it wasn't the same as others got. I knew some kids who had mothers who did mom things. It seemed...it seemed nicer and more normal to me than going to ask the lady in the kitchen to do it."

"So it was good for you but not as good."

"In a lot of ways, yeah. It was. Your nanny's a good one. We made sure she's a good woman and she'll treat your daughter like her own. We made sure she understood about Jane and science and our battles, all that stuff around here. We like the little sprout. Sometimes she reminds us of your brother, but we like the little one." He grinned. "She's done great with her."

"She has. I worry that this will take most of her life from her."

"That's her choice, Thor. I know she was married, recently divorced. No kids of their own."

"What if she wants one?"

"Then she's an adult so she can come tell you. We'll work on how to get the little sprout there to like the new one if she feels she has to leave. Really, she should be around kids more often. It's not as safe but she needs to learn about people. Isolating her will cause later problems."

"I..." He nodded once. "I can see that. Have you looked at her focusing issue?"

"Most of that was the drugs the last lady was feeding her but she's like her mom. She'll focus on things and if you interrupt her she'll be annoyed and ignore it." He grinned. "She's very much like her mom."

Thor nodded, smiling at her since she was awake and staring at him. "Good afternoon, Emma." He pulled her out to cuddle. She patted his nose, letting him kiss her fingers. "Would you like to spend time with me today?" She bounced a few times, grinning at him. "Do you have toys?"

"She has a ton of toys," Stark said, getting up. "I'll send some up from the room near the gym she hangs out in most days. It's got a lot of windows so she can watch things," he said at Thor's odd look. He sent the robots to do that and went back to finding lunch. Thor got onto the floor with her to play with the toys. She liked that. Her father was being wrapped around her fingers, finally. It was good to see. Stark got an alert from his twitter and looked at the followed person's comment. He snorted, making one back that if she couldn't kill him, others would've helped her, but she didn't usually need it. Pepper blocked that one and put up something nicer. He rolled his eyes but Pepper was fussy sometimes.

***

Darcy walked out of the office, finding a few reporters standing there. "What's up, guys?" She put on her beanie and buttoned up her jacket. "Problems? Waiting on Shelly? Or one of the others in the other offices?" She walked off.

"Miss Lewis, who are you?" one of the reporters shouted, chasing after her. "Who are you?"

She looked back, shrugging some. "Who do you think I am? Not like I've changed since I was eighteen." She kept walking, shrugging some to get her purse into place. "I'm not anything hugely special, guys; just a lady who gives enough of a damn to make a difference."

"You threatened agents!"

"That guy that showed up to threaten me in the office wasn't an agent." She stopped, turning to look at them, seeing the sneer. "Little boy, that guy wasn't an agent. I asked an actual agent. He's a hired bodyguard playing dress up. I had two agents there helping me get away from that slime. I can tell agents from fake ones usually." She stared at him, he was still sneering. "Beyond that, I doubt that agents are mad at me for defending myself. If they are, they're not doing their job. Because their job isn't to let people they're guarding assault others."

"He only groped you," the reporter sneered.

"Did you think he was going to stop there? Because he probably wasn't. Men don't grope you in public, which is beyond this point, but they also don't try to stick their fingers up your asshole if they're just groping." He glared. She stared at him. "Now, is there anything else?"

"Someone said you're an heiress. Do those kids you work with know that?"

"Yeah. One asked. They know my dad used to be a tv producer. My mom came from a banking family. I grew up practical and knew it was my job to help people who didn't have what I have. I was tutoring the scholarship kids back in high school, people. It's a small part of what I do to help others." She turned and walked off. "Have a better night, people. I don't do anything that interesting right now." She waved. "Have fun."

She heard an explosion and ducked, pulling her gun. Someone was running toward her with a gun out, making her stare at them. "Back the fuck down!" she ordered. He pointed the gun at her so she shot him in the leg. "No! Not allowed!" She grabbed her phone but police were pulling up. "Guys, there was an explosion then he was running toward me with a gun," she called. "I got him in the thigh."

"Ma'am, we need your gun," an officer said. Darcy handed it over. They pulled her out to handcuff her. "Any other weapons?"

"Knife and my legal, allowed tazer on my back." She looked at him. "Can you confiscate their cameras?"

"No. That's a violation of the press."

An agent came jogging over. "Let her go!" he ordered. "She was the damn victim! He was hired to kill her." An officer stopped him but he got around the officer. "FBI, boys. Back the fuck away from the victim."

"She shot someone," that officer sneered.

Darcy looked up at him. "Yay. He was threatening me." She shifted her wrists and he grabbed them harder. She stared at him. "You're not an officer. You're higher than fuck." The officer smirked but tapped his badge. She looked at the agent, who shrugged. Then someone shot at him, grazing him on the arm. The officers laughed. The reporters were still filming. Darcy shifted to hit her emergency button on her belt with her forearm. The officer dragged her toward a car. She saw a kid. "Brad, no! Go, they're not officers!" she called. The kid she tutored ran off. The officer punched her.

She stared at him. "I've had worse than that." He tried to hit her again so she kicked him in the nuts. Then there was help. She sighed and shifted her stance, kicking that guy back toward them. "He's not an officer." The other two gang kids hauled him onto the ground, holding him there. More agents showed up and Darcy moved her jaw, making sure it was all right. She nodded at one of the agents she knew. "The agent tried to get me from them because I shot the guy running at me with a gun in the thigh. That one hit me. They're helping. Please don't touch those kids."

"I don't care about those kids, Lewis. They're good to help a young woman." He checked her jaw. "You'll be fine with some ice."

"I realize that. Can I be let go of?" They let her go, letting her rub her wrist. She sat on the stairs, after hugging one of the kids. "Thanks."

"Welcome, Lewis. You're too nice to fall to that slime."

She smiled. "I've seen worse but the last one was a senator's son." They snorted but walked off. She looked at the agent staring at her. "I came out to reporters and walked off. They quipped something stupid so I stopped to correct them. Then I walked off again, there was an explosion, I ducked behind the trash can for cover and looked while pulling out my phone. The guy with the thigh shot was running at me with a gun."

She looked and pointed. "His. I called out a warning and he pulled up the gun so I got him in the thigh. I started to call that in but cop cars showed up so I let them handle it." She wiped her nose off, glancing around then at him. "I wasn't going to fight being arrested for it but I did suggest they get the tapes from the cameras. The guy sneered and that's when I realized he was high as fuck by how dilated his eyes are."

"You let him get close?"

"He was handcuffing me and until that point I thought he was PD," she said blandly. "Are you an agent?" He glared. She stared back. "Call me paranoid but yeah, I am." He pulled out his ID so she could see it. She handed it back. "Thank you." She stared at him. "The fake cop took my tazer and my gun." An agent found them, holding them up. "And the pretty knife was a present too."

"That's not a usual design," the agent who found it said. "Where did you get it?"

"It was a present from Thor." He stared at her. She shrugged but grinned slightly. "It was." She accepted them in a bag, tucking them into her lap. "So, now what, agent guys?"

"Now, miss, we take a formal statement in the office."

"Sure." She looked down and hit the button on her belt again, calling in. "It's me, agents showed up to handle the fake cops." She listened. "Yeah, I'm there. Okay. Thank you." She hung up, taking a deep breath. "Can we do it somewhere more neutral?"

"No, ma'am. We have special cameras in the office."

Darcy looked at him then sighed and pulled out her phone, taking his picture, sending it on. "According to an agent I'm meeting later to talk about the death threat, you're not FBI." She looked at him. "Do those cameras even have film?"

"No," he said with a smile. "And we unloaded the gun and tazer." That agent held up the batteries and clip.

Darcy pointed. "And that guy has a camera on all the time. There's at least ten cameras on right now." She put her hand down. "Do you really want to do this?"

He laughed. "Your psychology training isn't going to work here, Miss Lewis."

She smirked. "That's not actually my last name." The agent stared. "It's DeCriths." He smirked harder. "Oh, you're not here about that latest death threat. Cute. So which one are you here about?"

"You have uses," he sneered.

"Oh, you're HYDRA," she said with a sigh at the end. "So trite. Really, really overdone."

"No one's coming to save you. We blocked your emergency signal. We're better than you are."

She stared then shrugged. "If you're sure, dude." She stood up, tucking the bag into her bag. "If you're that sure you have me, take me." They grabbed her. And an arrow hit the guy in the brain. "Thanks," she called. She sat back down. "Need me further away?"

"No," Clint called. "Stay, Lewis."

"Yup. Not moving a bit until ordered to." The other agent was scanning around. Darcy threw her knife, hitting him in the stomach. It didn't go real deep but it distracted him from looking for Clint. The building's security team showed up to help evacuate her. "Thanks, guys." She grabbed her knife, following them to the SUV. "How bad is it?"

"Very," they agreed.

"We can clean it up. We'll take you to a neutral location in case the PD or someone wants a statement," the driving agent said. "Barton can follow you."

"Okay. Can I have coffee and maybe a valium?"

"If we can," the driver agreed.

The one next to Darcy patted her on the hands. "Medical?"

She rubbed the spot on her jaw. "Ice pack?"

"We can do that," he promised quietly. She nodded, leaning against the door. They drove her to an office they rented for such needs. Clint walked in and they let him have her for now.

"You good?" He tipped her cheek up to look at. "Ice?" She held it up then put it back. "You okay?" he asked more quietly. She shook her head. He settled behind her on the desk, patting her on the shoulder. "We're not sure why they were after you."

"If they were HYDRA, would it be the usual reason?"

"Not sure," he admitted. He patted her again. She leaned into his hand. "We'll figure it out."

"I'm going to pretend to be a Stark tonight and drink like the world's ending," she said quietly. "While I'm locked in my super safe apartment."

"I'll be in the living room on the couch. I'll make sure you got something for the hangover."

"Thanks. That's a great friend."

"I know I am."

She looked up at him. "Do you have funny feelings?"

"Not yet," he admitted. "Then again I'm usually more paranoid." He stroked over her hair. "Rest for a few. Cops were only pulled up to talk to the security team."

"Should I hire a bodyguard?" she asked.

"Probably won't fully solve anything." She grimaced. "At least those idiots on the social media sites won't get too much complaining about all this. They can't doubt you'd protect yourself even from a death threat."

"I should edit my earlier one," she complained, frowning at her phone. Clint handed it to her. She got into it to add on to the earlier diary she wrote about how the new death threat was now getting stupid. Clint looked at it, then snorted and edited her complaining, handing it back. She fixed a few word choices then added more to it about waiting on the police to come question her. She sighed and looked at her now broken nail, turning on her speak-to-type program to get back to it. Clint was trying not to grin at what she was complaining about. Someone knocked so she put down the phone. "Come in. We're calmer now."

An officer walked in, nodding at them. "Ma'am."

"Darcy Lewis," she said, holding out a hand. Then switched the hand to look at the bruise on it. "Sorry." She put the ice pack on it.

"That's fine. We expect bruises from days like today, Miss Lewis." He pulled out his tape recorder. "All right, let's go over what happened this afternoon."

She nodded, telling him what happened. About the 'agents' and the 'officers' and the death threat she was warned of earlier. The officer nodded as she talked, making notes on his notebook. Clint waved. "I got there in time to save her from one of them," he noted. "And her building's security team showed up then to help evacuate her."

"All right. Who're you, sir?"

He smirked. "Clint Barton."

"Oh. All right. Are you an agent?"

Clint nodded. "Used to be SHIELD."

"That's good. Are you retired?"

Clint shook his head, pulling off his sunglasses. "No. Now I'm an Avenger."

"All right." He made that note. "What are you going to be doing now, Miss Lewis?"

"I'm contemplating getting shitfaced drunk tonight while I consider hiring a full time bodyguard," she said. "Because right now I'm not sure if I want to break out crying or just have a fit."

"Crying is often useful after very stressful situations."

"I didn't cry after London got invaded," she said dryly. "I just found a margarita special and took advantage of it. I think this is a bit worse than an invasion by idiot evil elves."

"Probably, yes. It's more personal," the officer said. "Crying is still a normal response."

"That's good to know. Now what happens?"

"We're arresting most of them," he said. "A few of the reporters are claiming they weren't involved. They actually had cameras with film."

"I hope they get to release it in the unedited form," Clint said dryly. "That way no one can twist it."

The officer shrugged. "Not my department, sir." He looked at her. "Are you safe?"

"Unless my building's owned by HYDRA, yeah. I hope so. I live in a security conscious building, Detective...."

"Almonds. Please no jokes about candy," he said with a small smile.

"I'd never do that. It'd devalue the holy Almond Joy," she said blandly, making him laugh. "Am I under arrest?"

"No. You are not at this time. People are throwing up fits."

"That's one good reason to release the tape without editing," Clint said. "Can she get a copy?"

"We can arrange that. I think. Let me check." He got back to his notes. "The PD people, were they in official cars?"

"They looked like the ones you see on the tv shows about the CPD, not the actual ones," Clint said. "Close enough but not perfect."

"I wasn't watching the car. The uniform the guys were wearing looked right," Darcy said. "I thought they were real because they looked real. Though thinking back they were better built than a lot of officers I've seen are. Not a lot of CPD guys I've seen are gym rats."

"Some of us do have some padding," he agreed. "Not all of us though." She smiled slightly. "Let me turn this in then I'll be right back." She nodded, putting the ice pack on her wrists.

Clint noticed the phone was still running. He petted over Darcy's hair. She relaxed until people came in with guns. "Let's go," the thug said. "Now."

Darcy looked at him. "Are you CPD?" she demanded. "Let's see some ID please."

"Not necessary," he sneered. "They'll never miss you. You're nothing."

"Not hardly. People will miss me."

"No one that matters." He pointed the rifle at them. "Let's. Go." Darcy picked up her phone, sending that diary into the site. Clint gave her a sideways look. She shook her head. He grinned slightly. That was a bit sneaky. They were being dragged out until someone stepped in. An actual currently employed agent.

Agent May was standing in their way, hands on her hips, one right over her gun. "I believe we at SHIELD want them first," she said bluntly. The guy threatened her with the gun. Clint hit him on the neck, making the guy groan and fall down. "Thank you, Barton. Lewis?"

"Bit pissed off. I need tequila."

"Tequila is a good thing sometimes," May said, escorting them out. They were put into an SUV and taken off. May looked back from the front seat. "We've checked, the building's publically noted owner isn't HYDRA but a few of their guards might be. We've talked to the heads of security."

"That's good," Darcy said, nodding some. "That's really good. Am I going there?"

"Yes you are," May said calmly. "We can have someone bring you some tequila." Darcy just nodded. Clint shifted to pet her, keeping her calm until she could break down. May and he shared a look. The driving agent sped up at her poke. Another agent met them there with the requested bottle of decent, but not great, tequila. Darcy wouldn't want the really good stuff, just the really strong stuff tonight.

Clint escorted her up to her apartment and helped her settle in. He kept the bottle until she threw a fit in the bathroom, throwing things around and screaming. By the time she got quiet, he was pouring her a drink. May was waiting for them on the couch. Darcy took the glass, the bottle, and walked back into the bedroom.

Clint sat down, staring at her. "I have no idea," he admitted.

"We got the film. Unedited. Skye decided to release it unedited onto the same sites Darcy likes to lurk on."

"She was editing her earlier diary on one of them. Including with the speech typing app going."

"Oh, dear."

"Oh, yeah." He grinned. "Some nice stuff."

She called that in. "It's May. Lewis was editing her earlier complaint and it caught some of the earlier talk." She hung up. "Skye said that she's already linked that video onto it and she's made sure it's copied a few places as well. Coulson was scowling verbally in the background."

"He never had to scowl at us like that." Someone pounded then walked in, stomping past them. "She's got tequila, Nat," he said dryly.

"She needs a guard," Natasha said blandly as she walked into the bedroom. She yelped and Darcy rushed over to help her since she had tazed her. "Nice," she said, patting her on the arm. "That is an excellent reaction time while drunk and what I'd like you to do whenever you are troubled." She sat up, wincing a bit.

"I'm sorry."

"It's a good thing," Natasha said, taking the bottle of tequila. "We need vodka."

"Vodka is for happy drinking. Tequila is for when you want to forget." She took the bottle back, pouring more into her glass then handing it back. She sat on her bed, getting cuddly with her pillow. Natasha sat next to her, patting her on the arm. "I know it's not my fault."

"Good."

"It's his fault for not respecting women."

"Yes it is."

"I'm going to kill him."

"Perhaps we can talk about how to do that." Darcy glared at her. She smirked slightly. "I'm much better than you would ever be at that, Darcy."

"I have anger. That's better than sneaky spysassin stuff."

"Not always."

Clint came in and took the bottle to pour himself a drink then went back out to the living room.

Darcy grinned. "If you're going to hit on Melinda, close the door so you have privacy."

"It's not the night for that," Clint said dryly.

"I don't date agents," Melinda said.

Clint gave her a smug look. "I'm a retired agent, May."

"Uh-huh," she said dryly. "I don't date Avengers either. They tend to have clingy friends I don't want to meet in the kitchen after sex."

"You'd probably only run into Bruce," he admitted. "The rest of us sleep and Stark doesn't remember to eat that often. Thor won't wake up without the act of another god." She snorted but looked pleased. Clint drank some of his liquor. It was a good night for it.

***

Coulson was the reason everyone woke up the next morning. He knocked and didn't get let in so he picked the lock and went in to make coffee. Clint glared at him from the couch. Coulson waved a cup, getting a shrug back. Melinda woke up next, glaring at him. He pulled out a cup for her too. Clint held up two more fingers. Coulson made two more cups. He blinked when Natasha opened the bedroom door. He poured sugar into her cup and handed it over. She poured her own coffee and one for Darcy, going back to the bedroom.

Clint sat up, taking his cup from Coulson. May took hers to sip slowly. "Tequila. It solved the nerves."

"That's a good reason," Coulson agreed. He sat down. "Her speech-to-text program is very good. It took down all that information." He took a sip of his own coffee. "We have routed out the HYDRA people on the local staff with their help. One of them was watching over Darcy but he wasn't sure why he was supposed to." Darcy came to the door, glaring at him. "You're safer now."

"I should move," she said.

"Perhaps but they've cleaned out most of their staff's problems," Coulson said. "So you should be safe enough here. Not like they didn't already know you're here."

"Great." She sipped her coffee, coming out to sit on the couch with Clint. "Now what?"

"The person who put up the hit on you is now arrested," Coulson said. "It was officially their butler that put the contract out." She grimaced, but sipped some of her coffee. Natasha came out to take the last seat. "We should upgrade your tazer."

"Probably," she agreed. "I've got a stronger one but I don't tend to carry it when I've got tutoring that night. The kids have seen it, they asked to see it, and they liked how it worked when they tested it against a wall. By the next week, the girls in the class all had one, and one was even legally bought." She took another drink. "So now what?"

"Now, we've talked to Shelly, who was panicking. She caught your story and panicked, calling me. Then the edit came in while she was on the phone with me."

"Melinda and Clint were my heros. They deserve huge rewards for that."

"They should," Coulson agreed. "We have a new bow for Clint to test. It was confiscated but has a weird pull so we wanted his opinion on it." Clint nodded while he gulped coffee.

"Melinda just got in their way, even without her gun in hand, and made the guy frantic," Darcy said. "I want to be scary like her some day."

Melinda smiled some. "Thank you, Darcy. You're scary enough in your own way though." She looked at Natasha. "You did good with how you trained her."

"I cannot take credit for that," Natasha admitted. "I thought her a simple intern. She proved me wrong."

Coulson nodded, smiling at her. "That's fine, Natasha. You were busy handling everything else and having sense. It's something lacking in Stark tower since JARVIS was lost." Natasha smiled into her coffee.

"I do miss having JARVIS just a question away," Darcy admitted. "It made it easier to avoid problems. Or grumpy people." She finished her coffee, getting up to make more. Clint got given some first, then the pot got offered around. Darcy took the last and made a third pot before sitting down again. "So now what? Beyond work?"

"The kids heard you nearly got killed last night by the boys that helped you," Coulson said. "They were huffy you were missing without warning before they got told. Then one of them threw a desk and they all told him you were fine, just hiding. So you can go on your next usual night." She nodded, putting her cup down to stare at him. "Shelly was a bit frantic but calmed herself down by talking to Skye. She's most happy to talk to Skye about how things were going." Two phones beeped, making Coulson and Natasha look at their phones. "Stark just heard. He's pissed."

Natasha sent back a report. "I've told him you're fine, Lewis." She got a new text and she answered it. "He's now complaining about them. How many of them were HYDRA?" she asked without looking up.

"The supposed agents and the one that came to get her out of that room," Coulson said. She nodded once, typing that in. "The rest were about that contract. Thankfully that's been ended."

"Formally ended?" Darcy asked. "Or just the guy's arrested so he can't pay for it? Because I'm guessing the idiot has fanatics who like him." She looked at Clint.

"I don't think a bodyguard would help that much, Darcy. He'd probably be waiting in the car real often when you're tutoring or delivering things," Clint said.

"Pity." She grimaced.

"You could switch jobs," Coulson said. "Switch cities."

"All this attention would probably count against me," she said. "And I still don't want to run for office. Though I might like that platform to stop some stupid things."

"You'd have to go along to get along," Coulson said. "At least at first."

"Which sucks," Darcy agreed. "Nothing ever gets changed that way."

"True," Coulson agreed, staring at her. "Do you want to switch cities?"

"I...I like working with Shelly and the kids?" She looked unsure. "I'm worried I'll have to move because all this attention on the building."

"They haven't said anything about that," Coulson said. "You could ask."

"Yeah, later. When people are in." She picked up her cup to take another drink. "So now what am I doing? How long am I hiding for?" she asked at Melinda's odd look. "Any new precautions?"

"Driver," Coulson suggested. "Two days of hiding to make sure it's safe."

"Okay." She sent that message to Shelly. She looked at her twitter, wincing at what she saw. "Oh, great, I'm being called a coward... and other pretty names. Aww, it's the obligatory male jackass rape threat too. I'm so honored," she said sarcastically, answering them. Then she put up a new tweet that slammed them all for it. "If they really wanted to traumatize me more, they have to work harder than to threaten to have me raped by *real* men."

Clint snatched the phone to look over, grimacing. "Gross."

Natasha nodded. "Many women are threatened with that for exposing the fact that men aren't all that virtuous."

"Or that human," Darcy agreed. "I'm still getting sniveling from the group at my former college about pointing out women being able to defend themselves has been happening since the beginning of history because men weren't there and it doesn't make men less macho to not be forced to defend us. Frankly, most of us needed to know how to defend ourselves from those sort of men."

"The idiot has tape of that talk," Melinda warned. "He laughed about it."

"I heard," Darcy said dryly, looking at her. "I also noted he was pathetic for believing that women were too fragile to protect themselves. After all, someone had to defend the family and lands when guys were out being macho hunter sorts." She rolled her eyes as she shook her head.

Melinda smirked a tiny bit, watching Darcy be outraged. "We should share those videos."

"Yes we should," Clint agreed. "Because real men know that their women can protect themselves but should never have to do it against them."

Natasha smiled slightly. "True. We hope she'll never have that sort of man."

"Had one as a teenager and he ran from the house crying when I grabbed his dick and twisted it for being a jackass." Darcy looked at her. "He wanted to go all the way and I wasn't about that with him. It was only our second date. It was a study date with three other people staring at him and he still tried to get into my panties. They all clapped and made sure *everyone* knew so he couldn't try it again."

Coulson looked at her. "Is he still around?"

"Not that I've ever checked," Darcy quipped. "He was the guy on the lacrosse team."

Coulson looked at her school's yearbook for her junior year, finding him. "He was pretty."

"But he was a stupid fuck," Darcy said dryly. "Really too stupid." She looked at him, then pointed at the other one. "Him."

"Not as pretty," Coulson said. "Did you break his nose?"

"No, his dad hit him with the car one year. Supposedly by accident."

Coulson looked him up. "Hmm, he sells cars." Darcy broke out giggling. "High end ones. Oh, he married into the dealership."

"Stacy?" Darcy guessed.

He looked. "Stacy's sister if they're Morrats."

"Yup. That's the one that I was thinking of. Stacy was there when I nearly ruined his tiny dick. So he knocked up her little sister? Who was probably....six years behind us?"

"Yes, it appears so. Her sophomore year."

"Awww, technically juvie rape," Clint said dryly.

Coulson nodded, closing it out. "He's on the site that does the yearbooks waiting on others to connect."

Darcy shook her head. "I looked but there's almost none on there I'd want to talk to. Those I'm on facebook."

"That is a good way to weed out people you don't want to remember," Melinda said.

"I have many of those I ask 'who the crap are you' and have to look them up," Darcy agreed. "Half of them I work with on various charities." They all tried not to smile at that. "Oooh, the idiot hasn't figured out who I actually am yet. He still thinks I'm not the one that sent him that restraining order letter. Awww. Tiny little mind."

"I'll talk to his guard agents," Coulson said, shaking his head and taking a sip of his cold coffee.

She pointed. "Microwave, Coulson?" He went to warm his coffee up after refilling the cup. She got back to her statements on her various medias then put her phone down. "Before I throw it. Some people are cranky that I survived. We may be progressive but there's still plenty of bitches with bad ideas." She looked at Coulson. "Want me to put a final edit on that diary and point out SHIELD agents saved me?"

"Go ahead," he agreed. "No naming them. She's got a following from teenage boys." Melinda glared at him but didn't move to stab him this time.

Natasha looked at Clint. "Don't even mention them," she warned before he opened his mouth to tell her about Natasha's fan club.

"The only ones I know in your fanclub are women who needed a strong role model to look up to," Darcy quipped as she typed in that edit. "Here we go. The next morning's edition and explanation. Last night, SHIELD agents saw the diary and managed to save myself and the agent with me in time before we got taken by another idiot who was wanting to kidnap us. I really heart all the SHIELD agents I know of, but I don't know them all, and they were really helpful last night. They even got me tequila after all that was done with so I could recover in peace and quiet without screaming too long. But seriously, thanks to the people who alerted people I was being kidnaped and the SHIELD agents who protected us. It was really sweet of them. Now we're making plans to make sure I don't have to go through that again. We *think* it's ended, but you know how some fanatics are. So peace, people, and at least we all survived it. And if you're my kids I tutor, I'll be in at my normal time on Saturday."

"Put this weekend," Clint said. "For safety." She corrected that with a nod. "And you can put that on your facebook too."

"I put it on my twitter. Most of them consider facebook lame white people things." She shrugged a bit as she shifted position to put her feet up. "I've already gotten one response that they're glad I'm okay and a slight blush over being noted as saving me last night during the first thing." She let Coulson see it, getting a nod so she posted it. Then she answered the new comments.

They settled in to talk about how to handle things. Darcy was cool with that. As long as someone kept making coffee. Bringing social justice took a lot of coffee.

***

Stark showed up at Darcy's apartment that night, staring at Melinda when she opened the door. "There's still two people who think it's a great idea," he said, walking around him. "Lewis?" he called. "There's still idiots."

"Of course there are," she agreed, coming out of the bedroom putting in earrings. She turned. "Zip me up please?" He grimaced but did that. "Thank you." She went back into the bedroom, coming out to put on her shoes. She stared at him. "How did you find me?"

"I hacked Coulson." He smirked, handing over the sheet of paper. "The idiot at your college is wanted in connection with four attempted rapes and for encouraging guys like that guy in Santa Barbara." She grimaced. "He's taken up the call to have you killed. There's another one that's out of LA." She flipped to those, grimacing. "Yeah." He sat down. "So what're you doing tonight?"

"Dinner with a few people and Shelly." She stared at him. "Have they come near Pepper?"

"No. Thankfully not. Someone tried really hard last month but she got him back for it." Darcy grinned. "Anyway, are we sure it's safe?"

"Pre-arranged by months, Tony. I can't get out of it."

"I can go."

"Then you'd be expected to donate a lot. We're all tiny groups with low budgets."

He waved a hand, grimacing back. "I know you do."

"I know I do too." She smirked. "You can come if you want but we'll be talking about a rollout of a new collaborative project."

He sighed, shaking his head. "No. I'll donate but I don't know anything about putting things into place if they're not electronic."

"That's fine." She pinched him on the arm. "If you're looking for Clint, he's already scouting the area. When Shelly called to remind me, Coulson went back into scowling man persona."

"He made expressions?" Stark asked.

"Yeah, whole ones instead of small ones. He was not pleased."

"Well, hopefully nothing will happen tonight." He held out something with a smirk. "Stronger. Needs to charge for a bit but much higher stream of electricity and tougher to break if they step on it." She smiled, taking it to look over then plug in. "You going soon?"

"About twenty minutes so I'll bring both. That one can go on my thigh." She grinned. "The advantages of a purse."

"Yeah, that's a good thing."

"So how's people?"

"People are...usual," he admitted. "Bruce is having a good week. No code greens, no big dramas. Only the kid scared him this week. She was wandering when she should've been sleeping on dad so she went to find Mom but found Brucie to squeal at from the doorway. He yelped, which we heard. She squealed back at the odd sound, and ran in to cuddle him. We're starting to think the kid is actually Loki's." She burst out giggling, shaking her head. "Yeah. It's been that sort of week. I had to make sure she couldn't wander into my lab area. Her nanny has a bad case of the flu, again. She got the shot."

"Was it sent at her? There were stories of a few people getting weaponized flu recently thanks to a runaway experiment at NYU's labs."

"I saw that," he admitted. "I don't think so. We typed the strain and it looks different so I'm hoping not. Thankfully the kid hasn't gotten it yet."

"Kids are stronger than adults. They bounce back from a lot of stuff."

"Yeah, they do. Including walls in her case. She keeps running into the elevator."

"Shiny surface, Tony. Jane did the same thing because her brain didn't process that the shiny hallway was a mirror."

"Yeah, that could be," he admitted. "I can put stickers up or something. Jane walked into the other day again and nearly broke her nose. Then her foot kicking it."

"She is her mommy's daughter."

"Yes she is. With her daddy's hair." He stood up. "You should finish doing your hair."

She looked at it in the mirror across from them, patting down a few pieces. "It was mostly done." She looked at him. "Thanks. Be safe?"

"Of course."

"Did you pass this intel on to anyone?"

"Not yet."

"I'll make sure Clint sees it. Thank you." She hugged him. "Go be safe, Tony."

"Yeah, you too. You keep getting this shit piled on you."

"It's the boobs. Men don't respect strong women. Apparently I'm threatening because I stand up for myself and others. They consider it *dangerous*." He snorted, shaking his head. "I know, and so do you, that they're whiny babymen who have mommy issues. The world could use some more therapists."

"You could get a degree for that."

"Yeah but I'd rather help in other ways." He nodded, leaving her alone. She tucked those papers into her purse with her original tazer and hid her knife and new tazer on her. She made sure she had everything, grabbing her good jacket to put on as she walked out. Maybe she'd have to do something like move. The security people she ran into gave her strange looks. "Work, guys." They all groaned. "It's been scanned." She let one of them see those pages of information, getting a grunt but he called it in. She took it back with a grin and left. A cab wasn't too hard to get. So she got there about five minutes late. She spotted Clint, patting her purse. He nodded once. She walked inside, taking off her jacket to put over her arm. "I'm with Shelly," she said with a smile. The maitre'd escorted her over.

"Darcy, I didn't think you'd make it tonight," Shelly said, standing up with a smile to hug her.

"I nearly didn't but this is too important to miss." The nice guy pulled out her seat for her. "Thank you," she said with a smile. Her jacket went onto the back and she settled in. "So, how is everyone?"

"We're good," one of them said, staring at her. "Are you?"

"I calmed down last night. Had a small fit, had some tequila, talked to some friends this morning." She nodded a bit. "I'll be okay. Just a bit more paranoid."

"It sucks that you have to be," Shelly said. "Or respond to those haters." Darcy smiled and nodded. "Are you sure you're up to this?"

"Yeah. I've been the one doing all the planning so I need to be here. If they show up here, there's at least six bodyguards in this place right now. We're two blocks from a PD station. We'll get help really fast." They all nodded. "Unless you think it's too dangerous to have me here? I can go sit on my couch in my jammies and phone it in."

"No, it should be fine," the others decided. They got to work over salads about how to roll out the new program and how to get kids into it. Darcy did a lot of work with the kids so that'd help get the news out. They all paid attention to the windows and the people around them but they could handle it. Darcy could hide a bit better after this.

***

Darcy walked into her tutoring room, taking off her scarf and jacket, smiling at the staring kids. "I told you I'd be here tonight. The weather's crappy." They all nodded. "It's okay, guys. They won't come here." One of them pointed at a corner. Darcy looked then smiled and waved. "Hi. Who're you?"

"I'm the principal where these children go. Are you sure it's safe for you to be around them, Miss Lewis?"

"It has been so far. Actually I'm really thankful that a few of them helped save me that day." He glared. She stared back. "They've been arrested."

"I'm sure but there's people who might still try to take you out. They could get these students hurt."

Darcy shook her head. "No, they won't come here. Why would HYDRA want to come up on students? They hold no tactical advantage for them. They can't look any worse to humanity so coming here won't make any bit of sense. They're more kidnaping you off the street sorts." She looked over as someone walked in. "Scott." She smiled and shook his hand. "Can you get the kids started?"

"Of course. I've missed you guys. My daughter's giving me bad looks for not helping you guys most of the time from New York." They smiled and let him come over. One of the kids in the room squealed loudly and ran for him to hug him. "Oooh, so strong!" he cooed, cuddling her. "You're so strong and you're going to be very smart some day, sweetie."

"That's Bethie," Darcy said with a smile at the mom, who grinned back but got her daughter back.

Scott winked and shifted so they noticed his holster. They all relaxed and nodded. "I have a Stark tazer," he hissed to one, getting a moan back.

"Did you just suggest something filthy to her!" the principal complained, stomping over there.

"I seriously doubt Scott is going to do that," she said dryly.

"We don't know who this man is!" he thundered.

"Hi, I'm Scott, better known as Ant Man," he said with a smile and a held out hand for a shake. "I've worked with Darcy a few times because the program like this in New York is a bit less set up." The principal was glaring at him. He smirked a tiny bit. "I've also grown up around kids just like these. Not all of us were rich princes. I grew up hard and learned how to handle myself outside a gang but on the streets. I've been plenty of bad places and I'm hoping I can help these kids and others not follow me."

"You were in prison."

"Well, yes," Scott agreed dryly. "And so have three of the kids in here. I doubt they want to go back so we're working on that." Darcy nodded, staring at the guy coming in. He grinned at him. "Hey."

"Steve," Darcy said. "Hi. Long time no see." She held out a hand.

He pulled her over to hug. "We miss you around the labs. You had sense and got people to handle their own things." He let her go with a grin for the kids. "We got really upset with the people who tried to take Darcy out."

"Well, one was HYDRA," one of the girls in the corner said dryly, trying to get her kid to quiet down. She stared at her. "Must you? You're making a bad impression in front of important people." Her daughter was still fussy.

Scott took her to look at. "I'll cuddle if you want, precious, but you don't have to whine. We're good boys, we like you for being a smart little one. Okay?" She settled down, smiling at him. He grinned back. "You're a good girl." He cuddled her. "My daughter used to be your age. She was adorable too. A lot more drooly than you are though."

Steve smiled. "She'd be horrified if you told her that." He smiled and waved. "We're here to make sure Darcy's okay and share information about the people who tried all that stupid stuff. We can do that after we do some helpful things here." Darcy pulled out cookies, tossing the bag to someone. "Oooh, you're baking," Steve sighed. "I've had to steal Clint's cookies a few times."

"Mine too," Scott quipped. He looked at the baby. "You're too young for cookies but you need a teething biscuit."

"That I don't have," Darcy admitted. "I have dried fruit leathers if that'll help." She dug one out. "That's my midnight snack but I made them myself."

The mother took it to look at and nodded. "She can suck and drool on that until she can swallow it." She let her daughter have it. The baby grinned and stuck it into her nose then her mouth. "That's better. You need better aim."

"That happens later," Darcy quipped. The principal was still glaring. She stared back. "Babies get good hand-eye coordination around the age of two." He stomped off. She waved at his back. "It's great you're worried about these kids too, sir, and I hope you have a better night." She pulled out the books and they settled in to work on things. The other two kids in the room came over to play with them and get some attention while their parents learned. Shelly walked in and paused, staring at Scott and Steve. Darcy grinned at her. "You guys remember my boss Shelly, right?" They all nodded and a few waved. "You can come in, Shelly. We're working on the GED english portion tonight."

"That's cool." Shelly came over, looking at Scott. "You pissed him off."

"I didn't say a thing to him," Scott said with a shrug. The baby flinched, looking at him. He patted her on the back. "It's okay. Go back to your nap. I've got a comfy shoulder, kiddo." She yawned and fell back asleep. Steve grinned at him. "I do."

"He's good during movie nights too," Darcy quipped, grinning at the kids. A few blushed. "Nothing like that. He's a taken guy. I don't touch taken. My mother would've been ashamed if I became a mistress. She'll come back and beat my ass."

Steve smiled. "My mom would if I became someone's mistress too." The kids laughed. "She was a great lady. She was a nurse. She handled a lot of hard things back in the day."

"Did you work when you were a kid?" Scott asked him.

"When I could. I was sick an awful lot. That drove my mom nuts. During the summers I always did because it easier not to have asthma or tuberculosis during the summers."

"You were that sorta sick?" one of the girls asked.

"Yeah. I had TB, I had severe asthma, I had a heart problem, I had yellow fever one year. My mom had me given last rites six times one winter." He shrugged a bit. "She was stubborn enough to get me through it, her and Bucky's help with his family. My mom went without a lot of stuff to make sure I made it."

"Back in those days, Brooklyn was where the poor immigrant families lived," Scott said. "Even back then Manhattan was for people with money."

Steve nodded. "Yup. We only saw Manhattan when we took a train or hiked across a bridge."

"Wow," one said. "I know things cost less then."

Steve nodded. "It was relative. You could eat pretty decent on fifteen bucks a week, maybe a bit less depending on sales, but she only made about thirty a week as a nurse. So that, plus housing, plus my medicines and anything I needed for school."

"Wow." She looked at the others then at him. "How did you work?"

"Back then there were more jobs for kids. Newspaper kids, if you could get onto their gangs. Helping on the docks if you were old enough or looked old enough. Maybe running errands for stores if you knew one of them that was good people. I did a lot of doing small things for the neighbors when I could. I worked at one of the local stores and sometimes got the stuff that was just about to go bad but you could cut it up for a soup or stew."

"Back then refrigerators were rarer, right?" Darcy asked.

"They were getting popular but it was real expensive so it was for middle class and up at that time. We had an ice box, the old style were you bought ice for it every so often."

"What happened to your dad?" one of the boys asked. "Most of us have a missing persons case father."

"My dad died in during a mustard gas attack in the army. I was about seven. Mom nearly followed him but she held on and she told me it was because of me. Moms who have to do it on their own are some of the strongest moms ever. My mom didn't take any shit. She took a belt to Bucky once for his mouthiness." A few grinned, including Darcy. "My mom didn't take it from patients, from us, for anyone. A few of the old biddies in the neighborhood kept nagging her to get remarried so I'd have a dad. She told them off about how she still loved him and if they were that interested in how I was raised they could give her advice. They still gossiped but it was less in front of us. Bucky's mom told us what they were saying."

That kid shook his head. "At least yours had a good reason."

Steve nodded. "There were deadbeat dads back then too. Ones who knocked up girls and then didn't ever see them again. Ones who just walked off after their marriage was falling apart. There wasn't really divorce so a lot of people just went to live with others somewhere else. I know of a guy who walked off from his wife in Brooklyn and she found out about his other two he had before her in the midwest and his next one in Florida a few years later. Without divorce he kept just marrying and having kids he didn't want to deal with. If you were lucky, your Ma had family or you landed in a decent orphanage."

"That's like group homes only run by nuns or another religious group," Darcy said quietly.

"Your mom?"

"Died when I was fourteen from cancer. My dad when I was twenty-two from mental deterioration thanks to being poisoned by my whore of a stepmother. She's still in jail for it and still has a death threat against me."

"Wow." He blinked at her then at Scott.

He shook his head. "I didn't grow up good but my parents were together, mostly. It was hard enough but not to the point where gangs or drugs were my only hope of making it out of there. I was the step up above that. That's why I learned to steal things. Which is why I did time."

They all nodded at that. Darcy patted one of the girls on the wrist. "I ran from home right after my mom died, guys. I spent two weeks in the worst parts of Hollywood. Which is not the pretty part of LA no matter what the news says. I barely got saved from hooking up with a pimp. He tried to hook me on drugs and I ran when being high was so damn wrong feeling. I still hid for the next few days. The only reason I went home is because someone dragged me there. I was seriously mad at my father. He needed something to take his grief and focus so he was dating not six months after my mom died."

A few nodded at that. "I can't say I wasn't lucky. Kids like me get hooked and killed every day. I nearly got stabbed, which is why the cops picked me up. The hooker trying to bring me in to get a reward got hit with a thing I picked up so she tried to stab me. I was pretty, innocent, and didn't realize what sort of fish food I was. I had a few parties that I got invited to but I managed to just eat and hide from being passed as a party favor. Even if you grow up a Stark, you can still end up in the trash real easy. It's as easy as one choice that went wrong."

"We've seen a few of those," one of the boys said. "My sister nearly was. I went after her."

"I didn't have someone to come after me. My dad was wrapped up in all that stuff he didn't want to feel. My friends were worried sick and reported me missing. They told my dad I had left because he was out of town for a weekend." A few shuddered. "Yeah, it was bad. He was being totally wrapped up in his own grief and I had no outlet of my own. Thankfully I managed to escape. I probably wouldn't have lasted another week. The other homeless kids sneered that I was a runaway from a good home. I heard plenty from them and I helped a few of them get help for their problems.

"A few of them were right, the streets were harder but better than their homes. That sucks since one was seven." One of the boys shrank in on himself. "I knew kids got hurt. My mom worked with some of the earliest abuse shelters. I went with her and saw some kids that I was horrified that no one stepped in to help them. My mom always told me it was my duty to help people who need it. Even if it's giving some drunk guy on the street a few cents or a card for a shelter. If it's helping you guys make sure you don't end up in the trap your parents did, then that's even better. I have plenty of time to give these days and it's a lot harder than just giving money."

"So you actually volunteered?" one of the girls asked.

She nodded. "Yeah. You guys need me. I can do that. I'm good with helping people and taking care of people."

"She did at the tower all the time," Steve agreed. "She took care of most of the science team sometimes. Jane Foster all the time."

"Jane's addicted to her science," Darcy said. "She's chasing that high from a new find or a new principle. She'll do anything to get it. It's her addiction. The only thing that stops that was Thor's abs."

"You know Thor?" one asked, gaping at her.

Darcy smiled and nodded. "Yeah. I was there when he landed on earth. Jane hit him with a car, I tazed him. We introduced him to poptarts and coffee."

They looked at each other then at her. "So you're kinda a normal woman's hero?"

"No. I'm not a hero. I'm a lady that jumps in when I have to." She smiled, shrugging some. "It's a choice you make. The same as I'm hoping some of you become teachers because no one else is truly going to understand your siblings and what they're going through. Some of us will try," she said with a point at herself. "Some of you know though. It's important that you guys someday step in and help some kids get better."

"Some day I'd like to turn over my job to some of you," Shelly agreed. "It'd be great if we could."

"It takes a degree to be a teacher," one of the girls complained.

Darcy nodded. "You can start at a community college with a GED and transfer if you want to do something that takes a degree. You're more than eligible for financial aid, and the form to fill that out is free. Just need employment and tax records. You may come out in debt but you'll come out of it with a future."

"One of the best docs I've ever worked with in New York came out of the projects," Steve said. "He's still doing a lot of good work with the kids. Nearly got shot by a gang member last year for encouraging the kids to leave that area and do something with themselves. Nearly ruined his career from it." He leaned on the table. "He's still doing it and he's a great man. He's the guy that gives a lot of time to charity docs and did a years as a doc overseas after he graduated. He's a high priced surgeon now but he does a lot of work with kids who can't afford his reconstruction services. He's an orthopedist, a bone doc. He helped set some of my ribs recently so they'd heal."

"That's an anomaly," Shelly said. "Being a doc is an anomaly. Being a teacher isn't. Being a business person isn't. A lot of kids start their own business because they know what people will buy. What they need. Some of them end up doing secretarial stuff."

"I know one who went art history," Darcy said with a grin. "She stares at art all day for a job."

"I thought about that," Steve admitted. "There wasn't financial aid in my day but I was good at art and I could've apprenticed somewhere maybe. I just had to be a bit older."

The kids looked at each other then at them and nodded as a group. "That's so weird."

"Art stuff can be therapeutic," Darcy said. "Art therapy is real popular. A lot of artists are using it to get emotions out. Including some of the graffiti artists. Find something you want to be and work towards it," she said with a smile and a pat on one girls' arm. "Find a reason to go on, to move on, and to do what you can so you're not the kid killed by a cop, or shot by a gang member, or even the baby daddy that disappeared. Sometimes that's a choice. Not always because there's been plenty of bystanders shot, but some of it's a choice.

"You made one already that may not have been the most reasonable but it worked for you at that time. Now it's time to reevaluate that choice and maybe, just maybe, there's an off ramp to a new site. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised at all if you guys started up a farm. There's all sorts of city farms that could use help and people who can just take care of plants. They go to farmer's markets in poorer areas so the kids can eat better veggies. None of you are against plants, right?" They shook their heads.

"I've seen the one in New York that's a huge barge," Steve said. "It sounds neat and they have an art deck on it too. They're looking for volunteers."

Scott smiled. "I donated. I'm allergic to some fertilizers. I helped with the farmer's market part instead with Bruce."

"Bruce gets a bit sea sick," Steve said. "I don't think he wanted to be on a barge to throw up in the compost pile." Darcy giggled, shaking her head. "Pepper brought Stark out to work on some of the community farms that are popping up on bare lots. It's helping a lot. Plus makes things prettier."

"We have a few of those," Shelly admitted. "I give to them because I don't have time to donate. I do buy from them near the end of the day so the residents near there get the best stuff first."

Darcy nodded. "I shop at one shop that does export to the richer areas but they use those funds to funnel back into the program so I don't mind spending so much for carrots. I still can't stand kale but I will eat other veggies. I've also donated recipes to their cooking project."

Steve nodded. "I shared some of my mom's recipes. They're good, strong food that lasts and is hearty. I can't stand stew most of the time anymore because we spent six months eating nothing but stew but her recipe is great."

Scott smiled. "I'd do that but I don't have any. My ex-wife doesn't really cook a lot at home. My daughter's learning how to cook though."

"I sent her a brownie recipe," Darcy quipped with a grin. "Healthy brownies so she could binge during test times."

"I'm sure she adored that. She's at that age where chocolate is almost holy." Scott smiled at the kids. "Everyone has it tough. Some kids have it tougher. Some kids don't."

"Stark doesn't."

Steve shook his head. "He had money, but not a bit of people who gave a damn. His mother never did much with him. His nanny gave him more affection than anyone, kids. He loved his butler more than his father because he was there."

"Kids like that grow up rich in things and nothing else," Darcy said. "It's nice in some ways, not having to worry about where things come from, but it's also soul destroying. My parents raised me as a practical person. We didn't worry about much but I also didn't have a nanny. I think they're a huge problem with a lot of kids. It'd be like your cousins hiring your mom to raise their kids and them having to try to respect her for that. You can't do that."

"That would suck. At least most of us have an aunt or a mom or someone," one of the girls said, looking at the others.

Darcy nodded. "Yeah. That's why I hate nannies. My mom had me babysat a few times but otherwise she was the hands-on mom of the group I knew about. She was the mom that the kids came to when they needed advice. She walked up to a few parents to suggest that they talk to their kids about how they needed to learn respect. You don't learn a lot of love when it's the help doing it. You don't love the waitress that brings you food. Or the person who cleans up the building's hallways."

"I didn't think about that," one of the boys said quietly.

Darcy nodded. "I hate nannies. If your parents are having problems, they're traveling a lot, they're in the middle of a divorce, they're handy. It's good to have a stable person there. The rest of the time? No. I've looked oddly at a few friends who do nothing all day and complain that they had to hire a nanny. I've told one she could take the baby to the gym with her and she could actually spend all that time doing her nails helping the baby. Hell, I left Jane because she wanted me to be a nanny for her kid."

"Caused a huge problem," Steve said. "But solved some. It took a few but Jane's new one is a lot safer, steadier, and happier."

"What about hiring on as a nanny?" one of the girls asked.

Darcy pointed at the kid. "Don't expect to have one of those. Your job is to raise their kid, not yours. You're always with the kid. They become like yours but you can be kicked out at any time. So you have to try to get close but if you do, it's like your kid being taken from you. If you want to do domestic stuff, clean houses. It's safer, easier, and less soul destroying. Nannies get shot in divorces so they can take out the kids. No one really ever goes after the housekeeper."

A few of the girls nodded. "It's low paying," Scott told them. "But sometimes it's a safe choice. My mom did that a few times when my dad was out of work."

"There's all sorts of temp agencies," Darcy said. "You can start at them easily, get a good rep, trade up, get more of a good rep, trade up again. If I had a place where I was allowed to have cleaning help, because I throw things everywhere in my bedroom and hate to do dishes, I'd be using one of the start ups that young women just like you started up after working for a few years. One even shares my name."

"I know her," one of the boys said with a snap. "They all drive blue cars with aprons on them."

"Yup." Darcy grinned. "She started with a temp agency then moved up until she started her own with a few of her family. She's bonded, got insurance, and all that. I really appreciate what she's been able to build and hold onto." The kids shook their heads but were smiling. "Now, get a cookie, get a piece of fruit, and let's work on english." They got down to work, the little kids in with them being cuddly with people.

Darcy poked one boy that was giving the baby trying to cuddle him a funny look. "Sometimes you can be a role model even if you're not a daddy," she said quietly. "Some day she'll date just like the guys in her mom's life."

"Yeah, she needs better than I am."

"Maybe but maybe you're gonna be the guy that teaches her what shitbags some guys are. I keep running into those sort," she said dryly. "Way too often. I didn't realize guys weren't honorable and kept their words until high school. I was naive."

He picked up the kid to cuddle, letting her nap on his chest. "Yeah, boys need to be better."

"Lead by example, like Steve does," she said with a wink. "He even makes Stark behave."

"That's a chore," he said.

Steve looked over, nodding quickly. "Often." The boy grinned and got back to his studying.

***

On her way home that night, Darcy stopped in the security office. "Carlos." He smiled at her. "A lot of people know where I live."

He nodded. "Unfortunately but it's not been your fault outside your Avenger friends." He stared at her, judging if she had made up her mind yet. "There's a waiting list for apartments, Lewis."

"That's good. Is there anywhere that has the level of security I'd need?"

"It's possible that regular security would work for you but not totally likely. You'd have to do background checks and the like." He shifted in his seat. "Let me consider it."

"Thanks. I'm looking at a budget of about what I'll sell this one for. I can go higher if I must but I don't want to."

"Which should be enough unless you're going very high end."

She grimaced, shaking her head. "I don't need a golden mile penthouse. It'd look wrong to the kids I mentor. Oh, the principal came in to complain about us tutoring."

"Of course." She smiled, leaving to go home. He called the head of the building complex. "Lewis is thinking about moving because too many people know where she lives." He listened. "Exactly. Well we did have HYDRA here. She got dosed with an aphrodisiac in her apartment because they sent it here. SHIELD knows about us too." He listened, nodding some. "I can arrange for someone to buy her out. She's okay with that. She was wondering if we knew of somewhere safe from HYDRA." He listened, grimacing. His boss was sure nowhere was safe from HYDRA. That was setting off bad thoughts in his head. So maybe he'd help Lewis find somewhere safer. And maybe bigger so she could have guests. Right after he did a background check to make sure of who he worked for.

***

The next day, Carlos showed up at the end of his shift, handing her a simple piece of torn notepad that had a name and email on it. "You need to talk to them," he said quietly. "And they'll help you get safer. Because I just found out who owns here," he muttered. She hugged him. He patted her on the shoulder. "You be safe, all right?"

She nodded. "You too. There's not enough good guys out there."

"Thanks, Lewis." He winked and walked off. He had to talk to his security teams. They had probably left at least one HYDRA leak in the security team.

She sat down behind her tablet to write an email to that address. She'd ask Clint later after she found out who that email belonged to.

***

Darcy stared at the guy she was meeting at the donut shop, frowning some. It had been a week of talking to him to make sure he was actually safe for her to talk to, but he understood that because he was making sure she wasn't going to drag him into something bigger. She sat down across from him once she had some coffee. "When you said you looked like someone I'd recognize, that's kinda freaky," she said then sipped her coffee while pulling off some of her donut to nibble. He was even wearing a ballcap and fake glasses like Steve did when he went out and hoped not to be recognized.

He grinned. "It's been noted a lot recently," he said dryly.

She smiled. "That's cool. I have a huge problem. I'm not sure if you've seen it...."

He waved his cup, nodding some. "Yup, and I cheered for you, sister."

"Thanks." She smiled, nibbling on a bite of donut. "There's another problem. For some reason I have a huge threat over my head from a huge problem that your look-alike is fighting hard with his best friend."

He stared at her. "Why?"

"I don't know," she admitted. "There's a few ideas floating around but no real, solid clue. My problem is that they know where I live, which is in a secured compound complex." She took another sip of her coffee.

"I've heard about that place."

"They had some there that were guards," she said quietly. "I got drugged while I was there. Thankfully I had a friend in."

He grimaced. "That totally sucks and I know why you went looking for better help. I'm not sure what we can do about it. We can't handle a huge problem that way. Already got one to handle."

"Who's mixed up in the problem you guys are having."

He grimaced. "Doesn't surprise me any but how do you know?"

She pulled something out of her purse and handed the picture over. "That one?"

He looked, nodding. "Yeah, that's him." He looked at her. "Why do you know?"

"I asked someone I know if they had anything on him. They looked and got mad at him too, and he works with someone you look like." She smiled slightly. "Apparently there were some links in common at one time."

"Damn it. It figures though." He turned the picture over. "What sort of help do you need?"

"I have three formal things I have to go to. One's in DC with that idiot attending but it's for work," she said quietly. "We have another testifying in front of Congress about that incident two days later so I've got to be in DC for a week. I also need help finding an actually safe place. I don't have a huge budget but I have a decent one."

"We can work on that. There's some quieter places. Your current one can't move you?"

"We could but I'm not sure if that'll still be safe."

He nodded at that. "That's a good point. If they know about it... Yeah, that's a very good worry." She handed over another paper, letting him read it. "Oh, hey, I know that name...and he's probably messed up."

"The head of the security team mentioned that," she said quietly. He winced, nodding once. "I like the guys. They're good guys, they're helpful guys. They taught me a lot about being paranoid. The only complaint I had was minor because I couldn't order in groceries or food when I was sick. Which is whiny of me." He grinned, sipping his coffee. "But I think I need to be safe. Especially since they keep trying to drug me with an anti-inhibitant."

He paused while drinking then groaned. "Fuck, they think you're a wife sort."

"Yup, we think so. We think it's related to a few ideas that escaped too." She stared at him. "I like my job. I love my job. I love the kids I work with. I even put up with their principal who was sneering that I'm a white lady. I don't want to give that up."

"I know that feeling. I used to love my job too." He put the cup down. "I can help with some things. Are you okay? You look shaky."

"I spent most of last night listening to people trying to raid the building," she said quietly. "And not finding me at least."

"Crap."

"I'm told I can sell my place within hours of informing them."

"Good."

"But that means I have to have somewhere to move."

"Point. Yeah, we can work on that. Can you make it home?"

"Probably. I'm calling off work today and I told my boss why. She's been *real* understanding since I can do a lot of working from home. Especially after the fake agents the other day." He stared then looked it up on his phone, groaning and looking at her. She nodded. "Yeah." She sipped some of her coffee. "Just...yeah. It's a frantic point right now that I find somewhere safer. Though I'm thinking a Motel 6 might be safer."

"It might be," he agreed, typing out a message. His boss sent one back agreeing she needed the help. "So we think we can help you. We can find you somewhere today and someone to help you move quickly." She smiled, wiggling some. "There's a few places that meet up to paranoid standards. You'll have to set up a few things."

"The present place has special routers that go through don't-see-you sites."

"That's a great thing," he agreed with a grin. "We can handle that too. We will have to charge you." She tossed over a card. He looked at it then called in the balance, nodding. "More than reasonable."

"My safety's something I'm really paranoid about anymore," she said. "It's been a huge problem. There's people online who have threatened me for daring to stand up for myself. Apparently I should've let him rape me."

He shook his head. "We thought you should've shot him."

She smiled. "Me too. It would've stopped some of this. Four attempts on my life now, all from him. With some others jumping in for their own attempts once." He winced. "Which is why I'm rightly paranoid." She glanced outside. "And that's a security guy from my building," she muttered, finishing her donut and coffee. "Shall we walk?"

"We should," he agreed, tucking things into his jacket and walking out the back door with her. They ran into another security team person out there. "Hi, guys." He smirked.

"Jensen," one of them said with a nod. "Stand down, kid. We have three suggestions for Lewis. None too tiny though."

"I'm not against having a home office," she said, looking at Jensen. Then at them. "You guys realize I'm super paranoid woman now?" The security guy nodded. "Did you catch whoever was breaking in last night?"

"Yup, sure did. CPD is still real mad at us. And they were HYDRA."

"Great," she muttered. "So now what?"

"Now, we go look at apartments," Jensen said. "So we can get you moved." She nodded. They went with the security team, who were all nice former commandos. Jensen called that in and why. Clay was having a fit but understood why after having looked them up. Jensen looked at her. "Why is HYDRA after you?"

"Well, not totally sure. The current suggestion is something to do with Barnes. For a while they were kidnaping brunette actresses." He winced. "They broke into my gyn's records. We think it may be a 'give us future soldiers' thing but no one's sure." She looked at him. "Apparently I could pass for a forties' lady."

"You probably could," he agreed. "Wow." He rubbed his forehead, thinking about it. Clay was muttering something in his ear. "Is Barnes in the wind?"

"No one's sure. He went for a walk and disappeared. He's done that before. They managed to get him for two weeks then but he had been gone for six months."

"So maybe." She nodded. "Do they try harder when they have him?"

"Not necessarily," she said. "From what we know about what he went through it could take months to prep me for the brainwashing machine."

"Huh." He nodded once. "Okay. We can look into that and pass on what we find. Is there anyone who's allowed to come visit you?"

"Barton, Lang. I've been visited by a few SHIELD agents too. Coulson was really helpful when I got drugged that time and some others."

"I doubt the three of them are security risks," he decided, frowning some. He rolled his eyes. "My colonel doesn't like them that much. Thinks being heros is a bit dumb."

"Someone's got to stop the guys like Loki. Is your colonel going to do that?" she asked.

"No."

"Does he expect normal people to do it? We helped some in London but Thor still did the majority of the fighting." She looked at him.

"He just laughed, he knew he recognized you from somewhere." Jensen smirked a tiny bit. "He thinks the military should."

"Yeah but they're not. All they want are test subjects." She shrugged. "Which isn't good for anyone. You do that to your enemies and they get worse."

"True." He patted her on the shoulder. "We'll handle it and then talk about the week in DC you have to pull." She nodded. "Anything good with what you're doing?"

"One of my kids told me I should've shot him. Another few helped during the last death threat situation the other night." She smiled. "I adore the kids I tutor. They're good kids, they deserve to get out of the hellhole. I really hope they make it out of there." He smiled but nodded. "But if their principal is huffy about people helping them learn stuff it's because someone's putting pressure on him. Why would he care who helps the kids learn anything."

"We can look into that tonight. Your next tutoring time?"

"Saturdays and Thursdays."

"Okay."

"I need to be back at work day after tomorrow because we have a meeting."

"We can handle that too," he promised. "The douchebag's team is out of the area right now."

"I was hoping it was stopped since the SHIELD guys said it was."

"He has a few fanatics who'd help."

"I thought there probably was," she agreed. "I got told I was paranoid."

"They're out to get you so it's a good thing to be," he quipped back. She relaxed again. "Will you have any problem letting someone pack you so it goes faster?"

"I have clothes in the dryer."

"We can note that," he promised. She nodded, looking around. "How far is this one from her job?" he asked the driver.

"Few blocks. We're riding around because we had a tail." He went through an alley then onto a less crowded street then around a sudden corner. "That helps." He headed back to the first apartment.

It was nice but had almost no windows. The second one was nice but out of the way for her usual traveling needs. The third was a richer place and a penthouse. It had huge windows. She walked around moaning in pleasure at all the light. It had four bedrooms so she had an office and room for a guest. They had a good security team in the building and passcards for entrance to even see the doorman. It was a bit more than she wanted to spend but she had it.

She listed her other apartment while doing the paperwork for her new one. The realtor pushed it through faster. The building's board turned her down because she had so much attention on her. Thankfully there was another one they could go look at immediately. The realtor knew of one with the same benefits. It was a small duplex inside a planned community. They had gate guards and all sorts of amenities, including all bills included. Jensen pointed at one room. "That can easily be a safe room. It's easy enough to reach from most everywhere in the house."

The realtor smiled and wiggled a finger, showing him the actual safe room. "This group specializes in places for government workers."

"Will they mind me?" Darcy asked.

"Not like they have gatherings and their security team was alerted I was bringing you specifically. I got a small groan but an agreement they were safe here." Darcy nodded, looking around again. "It's not as cute as the last one."

"No," Darcy agreed. "It's not." She looked up and then at her. "It's sterile. It's got no character. No light. As a method of last resort it's okay but I liked the last two much better. This is third out of the four."

She nodded. "Four?"

"We saw one that had no windows," Jensen said. He nodded at the guy that came in. He knew he was a SEAL but nothing else about him. "Hey."

"Hey." He looked at Darcy. "Getting both those requirements together would cost you probably eight hundred thousand. I know of a place."

"Her last place just sold for closer to a mil," their security guy said.

"That'll work then." He handed the realtor the address.

"We were just there, they didn't like she had to defend herself," the realtor said.

The security guard smiled. "Let me call, Miss Lewis."

"Thank you. Even if it was halfway between this one and that one in the same sort of building is great."

"That's a good thing." He walked off calling someone. "It's Herat," he said in greeting. He listened. "I am. Yes, that's her. The one who had to defend herself."

"And four attempts on my life since then," Darcy said dryly.

The guy nodded, repeating that. He smiled. "I can send them there. You sure they won't fuss? Oh, that's good. Yeah, I can do that." He hung up. "There's one he knows of that's almost as nice but it's owned by someone who used to be mafia." Darcy's phone chose to ring. "That's convenient."

"I'm going to smite me an agent if they're hacking me," she said. She pulled it out to look at, holding it up to him.

"The building with the penthouse is owned by HYDRA," he read. "Scott Simmons is a regional procurer." He sighed. "That's bad. Who is that?"

She looked then at him. "SHIELD."

Jensen snickered, taking the phone to text back. They sent two addresses. "Here, try those," he told the realtor.

She looked at them. "They're both in a not really good neighborhood," she said with a grimace.

"I don't have many problems with that," Darcy said. "My last one wasn't in a great neighborhood, it was just really safe."

"We can go look. Thank you, Herat. I'll bring the other one by later. He's a judge."

"That's a good thing," he agreed. "We have a few living here. I hope you find something, Miss Lewis."

"Thank you for helping." He smiled and let them go, locking up behind them. They went to the next apartment. It was in need of some renovation on the outside but the inside was decent enough if she could paint it. The other one was better and in a slightly better neighborhood. Though one of the other apartments had police tape on the door. That one was a corner apartment. Almost no windows that opened but they were bulletproof. There were plenty of them. The kitchen wasn't big enough but she could have that fixed if she had to. The bedroom was tiny but the closet was huge. The master bedroom was huge and had almost no closet. "So that other room will be my dressing room," she decided. Jensen nodded. "Two other bedrooms in case of guests. What sort of security?"

"Electronic with a team backing it up," the realtor said.

Darcy looked around then nodded. "I can handle this if it's safe enough." She looked at Jensen then at her security guy friend. "Is it?"

"Mostly," Jensen said. "We can put a film on the window to make sure they can't take pictures or see inside but you can see out. We can put the same sort of router in for you." She nodded, hugging his arm. "Go ahead and do the paperwork."

Darcy took it to look over. "Is that high for this place? Not that I don't understand why," she said, looking up at the realtor.

"A few thousand high. You could probably offer ten thousand less."

Darcy nodded, filling that in. They finished everything and she took it to offer for it. Darcy took Jensen back to her place to let him see what they'd have to pack. She didn't have a lot of stuff to pack, and the few things in her storage area were mostly still in plastic tubs. She looked around. "The only thing I want to keep is the bed and the couch," she said quietly. "The washer and dryer were already here. The table was already here. So was the dresser set." He nodded, making that note. "Then I need to find more I guess."

"We can do that or you can look at second hand stores," he offered with a grin. "People like these would never think you'd be there since you're an heiress."

She nodded. "They know I work with the kids."

"Still probably won't expect it." She nodded, looking up things. Craig's list had a few too. Jensen smiled when she arranged to have things dropped at a storage building with the story she was moving to the area that weekend. She paid using paypal and that was good. The moving team could pick things up from the storage area for her. That simplified her disappearing into the city again. At least until she got visitors.

***

Darcy looked at her current guard, who was shrugging some but silent and deadly. He was cute too. She got a text from Scott and wrote back, telling him she was okay but in the process of moving. Her guard looked. "Scott. He's not as well known so he shows up now and then to check on me." She smiled. "He's a really nice guy and he does the tutoring stuff really good too."

"That's good," he agreed. He looked around then at her. "You need to pick up things, don't you?"

She nodded. "But I can lie and say I'm mid moving to the area."

He shook his head. "Too known."

"Crap." She considered it. "Well, I'm going to impose on a student." She sent out a twitter and got some help from the kids. She smiled at him. "Two of the kids want to go with me. I'm paying them a bit but not that much."

"That's fine," he agreed. "They're protective."

"And have taste, which Shelly does but she really likes modern stuff that's uncomfortable." She grimaced. "I spent the night on her couch after a late meeting. So uncomfortable." She went to grab what she needed, including her debit cards. One was locked up for some reason she'd find later, and the other one still worked so she withdrew some money from inside the bank. They were happy to help her. They went to meet up with the kids, Cougar watching as she hugged them. "Hi, guys. Thanks for the help."

The boy with them shook his head. "Why do you have to shop?"

"I have two bare bedrooms and one's going to be my office." He moaned. "I need to do shelves. I don't need clothes help, I need someone with taste to help me pick out stuff."

The kids nodded and the girl patted her on the arm. "With some of the scarves and beanies you wear, you certainly do need some help, Darcy. Let's go somewhere fun." She let Darcy drive while she navigated and the two guys got into the backseat of the sedan.

The kid looked at Cougar. "How do you become a bodyguard?"

He grimaced. "I'm former Army. We're protective."

"The usual bodyguards I get, when things aren't quite as serious as they are now, generally have wanted to be officers and couldn't do the full academy or they're former officers," Darcy said, glancing back at him with a grin. "Or they're former agents."

"Oh." He grimaced. "I'll never make that."

"You never know."

"They won't accept people with a record, Darcy. Be realistic."

She grinned at him at a stoplight. "Juvie records can be sealed and they will accept those." She went on at the honking, turning the corner since the light was still red and she was in that lane. The girl pointed so she pulled in and they went inside. The salesman gave them an odd look. "My kids are going to prove that they have great sense," she said. "I need a home office and a spare bedroom plus maybe some little things like a coat tree and shelves."

"We don't really do credit," he said.

Darcy smiled and held up the money she had taken out. "That's fine." He swallowed and nodded, taking them to look at some semi-nice things. The kids proved they had a lot of taste.

"What's a coat tree?" she asked.

Darcy pointed. "That. It's for when you don't have a front closet."

"Oh. Huh. You need some hooks or something for your scarf and beanie habit." She looked and picked out a few things. "What color's your couch?"

"Blue plaid with a thin thread of green." The kids stared at her. She smiled. "It's really comfy. I can always cover it later."

They nodded and picked out a few cuter things. Darcy paid and they delivered to one of their addresses so she could have it picked up by that moving company; Cougar called them for it. They went to pick out sheets and the curtains she needed too. Thinner curtains for the living room. Blackout ones for the bedroom. She even took them grocery shopping. They stared at a few choices but she told them how she used them and promised to bring in samples the next class time. They nodded, took their fees, and went home to watch the quiet moving company pick up their stuff to bring to Darcy's house.

Carlos looked at Darcy once everything was in, shaking his head. "At least it wasn't multiple places."

She pinched his cheek with a grin. "Most real women don't shop like that." She went to the kitchen. "Anything you won't eat?"

"No," he said, shaking his head slowly. He was honest, she was a good cook. Jolene would be proud he was eating so well with this client. And Jensen couldn't pout he didn't save him anything since he was tracking someone for another client. They needed to raise the money so they could go back to chasing Max. Darcy handed him a plate with silverware before going to check the safe room they had helped her set up.

One of the bedrooms now had a sealing door with an independent air circulating system. No matter what someone did, she'd be safe in there until help could get to her. The building's security team was off-site but not that bad in their team's estimation. Darcy had stocked the safe room with bottled water, snack food, and things that might be necessary in case of a long assault.

She was nearly fully set up so it was safer.

***
Part 5 by voracity
Darcy looked at her guard/date/helper as they walked into the fundraiser, smiling slightly at her boss. "Hey, Shelly." Clay had to do this part because the others were working on a bigger lead. Plus he was tougher in case things went south among all the suits and gowns.

She flinched, looking around then at her. "You've got two problems," she hissed. "Thor's here with Jane because they're raising money for a science oriented project and the dickhead's in the other corner holding court," she said with a point.

Darcy looked then at her guarding date. "The only reason I can see for going over there is the bar's there."

"Do you drink at these?" Clay asked.

"No. I drink sparkling water at these." She smiled at someone she knew.

"He's handsome, dear. Where did you find him?" the man asked sarcastically.

"I hired him," she shot back with a mean smirk. "Yours?"

"He's my brother's new in-law who's looking to start working for a charity," he said with a hand-wave. "Boris, this is Darcy."

She smiled and held out a hand. "Hi, Darcy Lewis. I work with a group that does tutoring and helps at risk teenagers get at least their GED, if not higher."

He shook her hand with a smile. "I'm hoping to work with newly fired or outsourced blue collar workers," Boris said.

Darcy looked at Shelly. "Is that Horey or is that Davil?"

"Horey does more of that," Shelly said. She looked. "And of course he's not in here."

"He's due later. Look for the Asian guy with the bad toupee and the suspicious mustache, that's his senior social worker."

"Thank you, ma'am. I hope some day we don't need your jobs."

"We all hope that," Darcy agreed with a smile. "Oh, watch out for the politicians. They've been known to glomp onto you for photo ops to prove they do charity work but that'll stick you for a while."

"I can do that. Thank you for the advice." He frowned, looking at one group then at her. "Oh, that's you."

She smiled at him. "And I'd never touch him even with someone else's pole. If he tries again, he's going to get it again. Otherwise he can stay in his little corner full of morons who only care about others if it gives them a tax break."

The guy smiled, nodding as he walked off. She looked up at Clay then at Shelly. "Do you want to brave the bar?" she asked Clay.

"Why would Thor be mad at you?"

"I was Jane's assistant until she needed a nanny," Darcy said. "Which I wasn't going to be."

"Ah!" he nodded. "So they're mad."

"Yup."

"You think it'll cause a problem?"

"I think it'll cause a loudness," she said quietly, turning away from someone walking their way. "Damn."

"Miss," one of the agents said. He was staring at Clay. "Is she yours?"

"My date for tonight," Clay said dryly. "Why?"

"One of the donors in the corner wanted to talk to her."

Darcy looked at him. "If it's the douchebag, no thank you." The agent glared at her. She stared back. "This is work for me. If it's another donor I'll gladly go talk to them. I love talking to our donors about our work and projects we have coming up."

He swallowed hard. He recognized her now. "No, I don't believe that's a great idea, ma'am." He nodded at Clay then left. He hissed that the one who had defended herself was there with an obviously former military guard and they were staying out of the way.

Shelley giggled. "Thank you," she said quietly. "That was very polite, Darcy."

"I do try sometimes," she said dryly. She groaned. "It's coming," she muttered. "Oh, and the loudness," she sighed, looking up at Clay, who smirked a tiny bit. "Jane," she said with a smile since the woman was heading right for her. "How are you and Thor? This is my boss Shelly. Shelly, this is Dr. Jane Foster and her intended, Thor."

"Pleasure," Shelly said, smiling as she shook their hands. "I hope your native people don't need people like us, Lord Thor."

"We don't usually. We have more equality than some areas down here do." He looked at Clay then at Darcy. "Your intended?"

"My date for tonight," she said quietly, glancing off to the side then at him. "It's always better to have someone to talk to at these events."

"It is, they're boring," Jane agreed. "Which area are you working in?"

"Shelly and I run a group that helps at risk kids get some education and hopefully they go for more than their GED's." She smiled. "I work with a lot of really nice teens, Jane. I tutor and I taught a few some simple dishes to cook, and I helped one who hadn't slept for a day due to teething. I shot down a teen mom who thought welfare was good enough for her and her kids to survive on." She smirked at Shelly then at Jane again. "It helped a lot. Her mom agreed with me and told her that's why she was there for tutoring, so she could get her GED and do something beyond be a mom."

"That's actually really important work," Jane said with a nod. "One of the last few math geniuses came out of a poor village in India and he couldn't read at all before they found out he understood math that way."

"I'm just hoping my kids get to go on and do stuff," Darcy said. "They all really are good kids. A few who got sucked into worse things but they're still really good kids."

"That's great," Jane agreed, smiling at her. "I saw that video."

"Which one?" she asked dryly. She glanced at the idiot slowly making his way toward her while pausing to suck up to others then at Jane again. "I have to have tact," she said quietly.

Jane looked up at Thor then at the idiot then back at him. He snorted and looked pleased. "Saw them both. Stark was watching them in his lab to see if you could use something new like an updated tazer."

"I have one. Which I wrote him a nice thank you letter for."

"He got it and he was happy it helped when someone tried to mug you," Jane assured her. "Are you two being honored tonight?" Shelly smiled and nodded. "Good job. It's a great thing." She patted them both on the arm.

The wannabe politician finally made it over to them. "Lord Thor," he said happily, holding out a hand.

"Mortal," he said seriously, shaking it.

"Are you here about the excellent charities we're honoring tonight?"

"I am. One of the ones we help is being honored so Jane's delivering an award to them."

"Hhmm, Stark's new PA?" he guessed, looking Jane over.

"Dr. Jane Foster," she said smugly. "Astrophysicist."

"The one who rebuilt the Bifrost bridge," Shelly said with a smile. "We hold her up as a 'see, women do science' example all the time to the kids we work with."

Jane beamed. "Thank you. There's still not enough women in science these days. My own daughter included. I think she'll want her father's cape."

"Someone forwarded me film of her," Darcy said with a grin. "How's her eyesight?"

"I..." She looked at Thor. "We've checked everything but that. It'd explain why she keeps running into mirrors."

"It would," he agreed, patting her on the back. "Thank you, Darcy."

"Not a problem. The kid's a cute little thing from what I've seen."

The politician sneered at her. "What are you doing here?"

"I actually work at one of the charities they're honoring tonight, sir." She smiled at Shelley then at him. "I'm very involved in it, including doing a lot of the tutoring jobs."

"She arranges everything for me," Shelly said. "I'd be a lot more hard up if it wasn't for Darcy."

"You said you're wealthy," he sneered.

"I am. That doesn't mean I don't believe in putting my time where I put my money." She stared at him. "Some of us work because it's the right thing to do. We don't use it to prove ourselves to anyone." She sipped Jane's drink when she held it out. "Thank you, Jane. I was going to head to the bar soon to get my own sparkling water."

"Real women drink."

She snorted, staring at him. "Real women do many things and know that drinking at events like this looks bad on us. Thank you anyway for your concern." She looked up at Clay.

"Let's go talk, Darcy. Dr. Pym's here," Jane said.

"I haven't met him but Scott said he was a mostly nice man." She walked off with them, with Clay guarding them with Thor.

"You know, girls like that get people in trouble," the politician sneered.

"Or they make a great difference in the world," Shelly said with a smile. "Which she's already doing, just like her mother did. Her mother worked with abused wives and set up shelters, but Darcy knew that you needed to start a bit younger to build a firm base to build from. She's made a world of difference in our agency, even though she's not allowed to donate to us by tax laws. The woman does the work of two others and doesn't ask for a paycheck. I adore Darcy." He huffed off. She stared at his back then went to talk to a few constant donors. They all avoided the idiot as well. The few that didn't avoid the idiot in that group sneered but then again they didn't donate to charity out of more than a tax break.

Poor Darcy was being all but pawed by someone until Clay growled. She hoped they didn't have another incident here. She really did. Of course, someone ran in with a scream, heading for Thor until Clay pointed his gun at them. Then they quit running, quit screaming, and started to beg for mercy.

Clay smirked. "Quit threatening people. Now," he growled. The man tried to run off but the agents in the room got him. Clay put up his gun and smirked at Darcy, who grinned back.

"You're a nice guy, Clay. I appreciate that about you. That and you're faster on the draw than a few others I know." He snorted but looked amused. "But I'm still going to try to keep Jensen. He's neat to hang out with."

"If I need to hide him, I'm sending him to you anyway," he shot back. She grinned.

"Oooh, boyfriend?" Jane asked with a smile.

"No," Clay said, shaking his head. "One of my people."

"Pity."

"He liked my cartoon curtains," Darcy quipped. "He's like a fun, cute thing to hang out with who doesn't even stare at my chest."

"I made sure he wasn't an asshole to women," Clay said dryly. "Boys like that in the military get into trouble. We had enough without that sort of trouble." Darcy hugged his arm. He smirked at her. Then he felt someone coming up behind them and that one tried to move Darcy and Jane away from the men to talk to them.

Jane looked at the man, smiling some. "I'm sorry, my giant brain is busy doing science so I'm leaning on my boyfriend's arm while I consider how to destroy a nearby planet to get the resources." The man spluttered.

Darcy considered it. "Just mine the asteroid belt, Jane. Not as many explosions but it'll ease the way for later space flights or if we find other people like Thor from other planets."

Thor nodded. "There are some," he agreed. "We don't associate much but I've heard stories of them." The donor stared at him, looking confused. "There are many other peoples out there that don't come from our nine realms," he said. "My mother had met many before she married. She told us stories of the people she met and was diplomatic with."

"Bedtime stories?" Shelly asked as she joined them. It looked like an interesting conversation instead of the one she had just had. "Not to insult your mother but most humans consider aliens weird and unreal. Outside of you of course because you seem closer to what we'd see as a human, Lord Thor."

Thor nodded. "We are close to you Midgardians," he agreed. "Though the elves were not much the same." Darcy nodded at that, grimacing. "Many of them do appear humanish but may be different colors or slightly differently shaped. My mother noted one race of warriors to us who are blue. Strong, fierce conquerors but blue. Wear symbolic makeup and have good weapons."

Darcy frowned. "Someone saw a picture of...." She looked it up on her phone, showing Thor. He nodded. "That's coming out in a movie soon so apparently they've been visiting."

"I shall pass that on," Thor said, staring at her. "Make sure they are recognized as sentient if they should show up soon."

"Dangerous?" Shelly asked.

"That may depend on which member of that species and why they come," Thor said.

"So in other words not one that's going to show up and decide 'hey, you're humans so therefore roaches'," Darcy decided. "So better than the Dark Elves!" She smiled.

"Much," Thor agreed happily.

"I hope another convergence never happens again," Jane complained. She sipped her drink. "Once was enough." Thor stared at her. "What?"

"They're timed events," Thor reminded her. She winced. "I would hope not to lose you by then," he said quietly.

"I have no idea on that, Thor," she said, squeezing his hand. "We still have a lot of things to work out." He nodded, pulling her closer to hug.

"I hope you guys do work it out," Darcy said. Jane smiled and nodded. "We should go talk to other donors," she said, looking that way then at her boss.

"Don't," she warned. "They're all like the idiot that tried to molest you."

"Damn. It figures though," she sighed.

Clay looked over then at the two ladies. "Maybe some aren't? They're staring over here."

"Yeah, two of them are ones that write nice twitter rape threats," Darcy said dryly, smirking at one and lifting her glass. "Read your tweet," she mouthed. He flinched and turned away. She looked at Shelly, shrugging some with a small smile. "I hate bullies."

"Good. That's a good idea to hate," she agreed. Someone else came over to them. "Yes?" Shelley asked with a smile.

"Miss, is this lady bothering you?" he asked.

"No, this is my assistant," Shelly said with a point at Darcy. "This is Dr. Jane Foster." The man winced and backed up, not looking toward Thor. "I have no problems from my assistant, but thank you for making sure."

"We know her...reputation," he said dryly.

"Yes, some women can protect ourselves from unwanted groping," Darcy said dryly. "If he hadn't escalated it, he wouldn't have felt the tazer at all." She stared at him. "I made sure he wouldn't be bothering me tonight. But thank you for assuming I'm here to kill everyone in the room. Never was like that but gee, thanks."

The guy flushed and walked off shaking his head.

Shelly looked at Darcy, who sighed. "I should go," Darcy said.

"No, you should stay," Jane said. "It's the only way to get them to stop it."

Darcy looked at her. "Did you see what I had to do to defend myself the last time?" she asked quietly. "Even the SHIELD agents that showed up to help were thrilled that gang kids helped me first." Jane winced. "I probably wouldn't have made it out of the second attempt if it hadn't been for them because I saw the uniform and assumed, Jane. Then help got there." Jane hugged her. "Thanks."

"You need to come home. I won't even make you make sure I eat. My new assistant sucks at that but he does the science better."

"I like what I do," she said.

"Can you do it in New York?" she asked, giving her a begging look.

Shelly looked at her, wincing some. "There's a group in New York. They're almost completely downtrodden by the locals and they're seriously overrun by need. People went to other charities because they decided that educating the masses isn't as important as making sure they eat. Which I can see the point of; we just combined those functions recently."

Jane stared at her. "They...food banks."

"Supposedly for a week's worth of food, you can go once a month, and some of them give out a ton of candy," Darcy said dryly. "And a lot of them think a week's worth of food is actually three day's worth because donations are down." She grinned. "We've recently hooked up with a program that gives school kids fruit and weekend food packs. We give them out during tutoring sessions. And sometimes I bring in cookies." She smiled. "Healthy cookies because it's important but sometimes it's a good thing."

"Aww," Jane said with a smile.

"Ask Scott, he was most helpful when he was there," Shelly said with a smile for Jane and Thor. They were a cute couple. "And when Mr. Rogers showed up for a night, he was very helpful too. He explained how things were at least slightly better now and yet slightly worse."

"Yeah, back then younger kids could get jobs," Darcy agreed. "The kids were amazed that people were kinda the same sort of poor back then. Thankfully he wasn't there the week that the mom decided welfare was enough." She rolled her eyes and shook her head. "We had a talk about reality. She thought she could live poorly but well enough on it. I pointed out with a little exercise called 'how do you pay for that'." Shelly laughed. "One of the boys complained to his mom about her and her mom knew that one's mom, who showed up to tell her daughter just how hard they had it while she was trying to get somewhere with her own life.

"And then we went over some simple, easy, cheap recipes that kids might actually eat without complaining." She grinned. "They loved that stew. I did a cooking thing the next meeting to go over fractions and measurements." She smiled a tiny bit. "The kids were great with it. We baked some bread, and that mom showed up and showed them how to make biscuits. We made stew in the crockpot for them. I showed them how to make cobbler from frozen cheap fruit and biscuit mix. It went well and the kids ate good. We made enough that everyone brought home seconds. I got a few tweets of thanks from some moms. The boys fed their moms."

"That's sweet to see," Jane agreed.

"Oooh! One of my kids just got a baby brother. Mom's still sick so he called off to take care of the kiddo. I sent him a happy baby kit," she told Shelley. "With a few diapers, and some really soft baby washclothes, and a few pacies."

"That's sweet, Darcy."

"The girls helped me set it up."

"Aww," Shelley agreed. "That's so sweet of the kids you work with."

"It is. They're good kids."

"They are," Shelley said, patting her on the arm. Darcy smiled. The dinner was announced so they went to their seats.

Jane looked up at Thor. "She seems really happy," she said quietly.

"She does. She's making much of a difference and helping more than you with things."

"She is. I'm proud." They went to their seat and found themselves at the same table as a few of the donors. She had nothing to talk with them about. They were all talking about money. She smiled at Thor. "Do you think she'd come visit?"

"We can arrange that," he agreed. "She should see her godchild relatively often." Jane smiled and nodded. He nodded at the people staring at them. "Good evening."

"I haven't seen you at this event before," one woman said.

Jane smiled. "We're giving an award later from the Maria Stark foundation," she said. "This is Thor."

"Oh!" she said, blinking at him. "That's charming, sir. It's good that you support charities as well."

"I do. Much can be done if people consider it and put themselves to it. Many of my teammates also do charity work and have brought me to see if any of them find my skills useful. My lady Jane is someday soon going to be helping with science related charities." He smiled at her.

"I'm working on a small grant for a few science oriented groups. I'm not sure how that's going to work out but Pepper Potts is helping me with it."

"That's a great thing," that woman said, smiling at her.

"My former assistant is here. We were talking with her about her at risk teenager education group."

"They still do that instead of just giving them computers with a program?" one of the men asked, looking confused.

Jane looked at him. "Most of those kids don't read very well because education's already failed them. They might not be able to read the computer."

"Oh, I had no idea. Which one does she work with?"

She looked and pointed. "There's Darcy with Shelly. Darcy was my assistant for years."

They looked then one winced. "That's that pushy thing," one sneered.

Jane stared at him. "I would've shot the man who groped me without my consent." He flinched back. "I'm really proud that she used a non-lethal method. Darcy was with me when Thor showed up and in London."

"Plus protected her dorm when men who should not be called such broke in to hurt women," Thor agreed. "We were most proud when we heard she helped protect them all and then had to deal with the senator who came to defeat them for having his son be so dumb."

"That was her?" one of the other men hissed. "At that college?" Jane nodded. "Oh, dear." He looked at his friends.

"They broke in to harm them," Jane said. "We're glad she managed it with a few other adults there. Otherwise it'd have been a massacre."

"We heard that someone attempted to kidnap her," the woman said, glancing around. Then looking at Jane again.

"Yes, there's apparently a price on her head for defending herself and her body," Jane said, grimacing. "That one I'd like to talk to with Thor's hammer."

Thor patted her on the hand. "As would I." A few of the men nodded at that urge. "Thankfully Darcy has managed to save herself to this date. I hope she won't need to keep saving herself but one never knows how things will work out in this life."

"True," Jane said. "Or else your mom would still be with us nagging you."

"Quite," he agreed, smiling at her.

Darcy jogged over, handing Thor her phone. "Problems."

He watched the video, grimacing. "What is that?" Darcy ran the video back, pointing at it. He peered. "Can we enlarge that?"

"It came out earlier and I caught it on my social media feed. Someone who was in London was freaking out."

Thor frowned but nodded. "That is him."

"Yeah, that looks like Loki. Does he have a son?"

Thor shook his head. "Not that looks like his twin." He sighed. "I will call the others. Thank thee, Darcy."

She punched him on the arm. "If he's reformed or leaned from things, maybe it's a good thing."

"Perhaps but I thought him dead."

Darcy shrugged. "Loki's a master of illusions, Thor. Who knows how he survived."

He nodded. "True, he could have healed there or he could have limped to an ally. I will look into that." She smiled and went back to her seat. Thor looked at Jane.

"If he's alive, I get to slap him before Sif takes off his head," Jane quipped.

Thor smiled. "I get the first blow, Jane, but I will try to save you and the Lady Sif some." She smiled and patted his hand. Food was brought. Thor looked at the artfully designed bits of food on his plate then sighed. "We will eat a proper meal later."

"Yes we will," Jane said, looking at it. "I can't identify what two of them are. Are those...parsnips?"

Thor tasted them, nodding. "One was, one was a radish."

"Oh, okay." She tasted all but that one, letting Thor have it.

The others shared looks but they weren't their kind anyway. They wouldn't understand an artful meal.

Jane looked at the tiny plate, shaking her head. "At least I won't be up all night in the lab."

"True," Thor agreed. "You have a few days before you go back to your grueling schedule." She hugged his arm. He smiled. "I do not mind. Science calls to you as many other things do and you must heed it." She nodded, relaxing again.

Darcy suddenly kicked the table, wincing as she rubbed her knee. She kicked something under the table and the small lizard ran off. "That's not a usual pet kept in some woman's handbag," she said, looking at her leg.

Shelly looked at it then at her. "Are you all right, Darcy? Did it injure you?"

"Yes, but it's not hugely problematic. I can bandage it." She used her napkin to tie a temporary bandage over it. "Excuse me while I go to the lady's room." She limped off, Clay escorting her. She looked at Clay in the hallway. "I can't believe someone brought a biting lizard to this event."

"I'm just happy it's not the precursor to an attack or an assassination attempt," he complained. "Are you going to need stitches?"

"I can clean and bandage it. I'll let you check if you want," she sighed, looking at him.

"Not the team's field medic, sorry, kid."

"Take a picture and send it?"

"I can do that." He did that and helped her clean up the mess it made. They both heard the gunshots and groaned. Clay stared at her.

"It follows me," she agreed dryly. "Let's tie a bandage." He nodded, helping her do that. She handed over her hidden gun. He smirked and got up to go check on things, calling in what he saw. She limped after him. "Oooh, Thor's mad," she hissed. "He's got the full cape. Mew-mew's mad. Someone's going to go boom splat." Yup, there was someone trying to menace them and they went boom into the wall then splat onto the floor. A few tried to run out and spotted her, sneering. She zapped one. Clint shot the other two. She looked back at him. "Fancy meeting you here."

He grinned. "I was watching Thor's back since Stark saw a video that showed Loki was somehow back."

"I showed him a few minutes ago." She looked. Smiled and waved at the guy staring at them. That one stared at Clint, who smirked and waved too. The guy yelled something and they came out. Thor stomped after them. Darcy stabbed one that tried her. Clint got another two down and out. Clay got another few. Darcy sighed at the end. "Thank the Goddess that dresses that aren't designer are built to dance in so you can move comfortably."

Clay looked at her. "That's off the rack?"

"Bridal," she said with a smile. "Designer stuff never fits the boobs."

"I don't need to know that," Clay said. "I'll never have breasts. I hope."

Thor looked back. "I would beware of my brother. He may be able to do that."

Clint stared at him. "Thank God he thought I wasn't that sort of pretty," he said dryly. Thor burst out laughing, clapping him on the back hard enough to make him stumble into Darcy, who yelped as she shifted her weight. "Did you get hurt?" he demanded, looking her over.

She pointed. "Someone brought a biting damn lizard."

"Excuse me?" he demanded.

"Looked like a miniature croc," Clay said. "It's not too deep. Pooch said she might need a few stitches but just bandage it."

Clint stared at her. "How do you have these things happen?"

"I'm thinking sometime in my family's history, a chaos god blessed us." He burst out laughing. Jane ran out. "Are you okay?"

"I'm good. Are you? You got bitten by a lizard! You need a tetanus shot!" She hauled her off. "Let's go clean it up. I don't have any bandaids but we can make sure it'll be okay."

"I'll drive her to the ER in a few minutes," Clay called. "Put some pressure on it if it's bleeding." Jane waved a hand back. He looked at Clint. "By the way, she moved."

"I got the card with the pass for her sensor."

"Good." He walked off. "She has a guest room now too."

"Wonderful. She could use one." He watched him go. "Where do I know him from?" he muttered. He shook his head.

Thor shrugged. "I know not other than someone said he was military."

Clint straightened up, looking back there, seeing Clay smirking. "Tell Hat Boy I said hi?"

"Already have, Barton. Took you long enough."

"Yeah, my head's clouded by fussing Starks." Clay snorted but looked amused. Clint helped tie up the people that needed it until the cops got there.

"Who're you?" one of the officers demanded.

"Well, that's Thor," Clint said with a point. "And I'm Hawkeye. I was guarding Thor at this charming event. Then people decided to show up to rob people." He handed over one of the idiots. "This one's got a stab wound. He tried to run over someone." He looked at Thor. "Want me to shadow them? I doubt Jane's going to let Darcy go to the ER by herself."

"We can both go," Thor said, calming himself to the point where his hammer shrank back into his pocket again. It let his clothes fade back into the suit Stark had gotten him.

Clint's phone rang and he sighed, looking at it. "Stark, she's on her way to the ER. Before all that happened, some sort of lizard bit her." He spotted it and shook his head as he hung up, walking inside to pick it up by the tail and carry it out. "This is going to the ER with us so they know what to treat her bite mark for." The officers all stared at it. "It bit someone just before this happened and I know it's not hers. She's the one who stabbed the idiot." He carried it out. Thor took it to carry properly. "Thanks. Didn't want to lose a finger to it. Might make it hard to use my bow."

Darcy glared at it. "You need to be a pair of ugly shoes for Tony." Jane laughed. "You're not big enough to make some for Thor but you might fit Tony's feet." Clint helped hold Darcy up. "I'm okay. It's not deep."

"Yeah, they have all sorts of funky mouth diseases, Darcy," Clint said. "Don't make me carry you."

"I'd never make you carry me. You're not my husband and he should only carry me if I'm drunk or in labor."

"I'll pass that on when you find one," he quipped.

"Please send one and tell him first," she shot back. She winced as they went down the few stairs to the valet parking. Clay got their car and them evacuated to the ER. An officer followed to get a statement from Thor and Jane. Darcy's statement that she had been in the bathroom cleaning the wound made the nurse wince. Darcy smiled and pointed at the creature. "That bit me at a formal awards dinner."

She looked at it then at Darcy. "How did it get in?"

"I don't know," Darcy admitted, moving the dress's skirt. "It's not totally deep, my leg's not falling off, but it might need some stitches."

"She needs a tetanus shot," Jane said firmly. "You always do for animal bites."

The nurse smiled and nodded. "Quite often, yes. I'll get someone to swab the ...lizard's mouth. Do we know who owns it?"

The officer nodded. "He's complaining it got confiscated."

"He can have it back once we make sure it's not carrying a poison," Clint told him, giving him a look.

"That's what we've told him so far, sir."

Darcy looked at him. "He's a former agent."

"Oh. All right."

"He's the bow guy on the Avengers," she said more quietly. "It's sweet he's protective of people."

"Yes, ma'am, I'm sure it is. Are you his girlfriend?"

"When I was a lab assistant we shared many a late night movie but otherwise no. He's not into dating."

"Oh. Fine."

"Friends do for friends," Jane said firmly, glaring at him.

"Yes they do," he agreed to keep the peace. The ER didn't need more work when Thor stomped on him for upsetting his girlfriend.

"I'd just really like some novocaine shot into the area," Darcy told the nurse. "Please? Soon?"

"Relatively soon," she admitted. "Go ahead and sit down. You don't want to stress that leg right now, Miss Lewis." She nodded, being helped to a seat. The nurse went to tell the shift supervisor. "We have a weird one. We have a pet lizard of some sort that bit someone not the owner at a formal event. The police are here to question what happened when people showed up to rob the event after the biting. The lizard's here so we can make sure it's not poisonous."

The head nurse looked at her. "What?" The check-in nurse told her again. "All right. How bad?"

"Minor, she thinks it'll need a few stitches, asked for some local anesthetic. The police are questioning the two Avengers members with them."

The shift nurse looked out there, then sighed and got some swabs to bring with her. "Let me swab the creature's mouth please, sir. The tests to make sure of any weird germs or debris in it will take a bit to run." Clint and Thor held it still so she could swab the mouth a few times. Then the officer got handed the lizard to hand back if he wanted to. The nurse sent the swabs up to the lab with an explanation written by the check-in nurse and orders for the testing. Then the nurse got to tell the attending doctor, who was so confused looking it was almost cute. Even though he was an asshole.

Darcy got taken back to a room. The doctor looked at her. "Wedding?"

"Awards dinner that was honoring the charity I work for." She moved the dress out of the way. "It dry cleans."

The doctor nodded, removing the bandage. "That's not too huge."

"It's got a few deep puncture spots and it aches like a bitch. They thought I might need a few stitches in this deep part here," she said with a point.

"Who?"

"My escort tonight is former military and he talked to a friend who was a medic in the army."

"Ah."

"He took a picture to send since I couldn't really cut out. They're honoring my boss. I was just going to bandage it but he asked."

The doctor nodded. "That's not a bad idea if you can't get to an ER right away."

"I was figuring in about two hours," Darcy admitted. "Long before it was too old."

"Good." He pressed gently, watching the blood that came up. Darcy hissed and grabbed the edges of the table. "Sorry." He pressed a few more places. "It looks like you could have two or three stitches and yes, I can do some local," he said, looking up at her. "I'm not writing you pain killers."

"Good! I don't take that shit." She stared at him. "Doc, I'm rich enough that if I wanted to go find drugs, I'd go buy drugs. I don't want drugs, don't do drugs, and am not looking for drugs. I don't want drugs. Just a bit of local so I can get to sleep tonight since that's the side I sleep on."

"All right." He went to get what he needed, coming back with a needle, a stitching kit, and a nurse. "Here we go." He looked up at the complaining. "Yours?"

"Yes, she's my friend. She's insistent that I get a tetanus shot if I need one, which I'm all for if I need one."

"How long since your last one?"

"Five years."

"It's not a bad idea," he agreed. "We can do that after this." She closed her eyes and grabbed the table when he draped her leg. She took a deep breath as he injected her leg, then got to work on the stitches. "You've had many stitches?"

"A few," she panted. She swallowed hard. "Not that many. Jane chases science like that guy on A&E chases bail jumpers." The doctor laughed. "Seriously. She's an astrophysicist."

"That's interesting." He finished up and applied a new bandage. "There we go." The nurse left to get the tetanus shot and came back with a lab report. He read it over. "The lizard's mouth had a bit of mouse fur but nothing too huge. We'll do an antibiotic pill and the tetanus shot."

Darcy nodded. "I'm good with that."

"Allergies?"

"No."

"Good." He wrote it out for her, letting the computer take a copy for her records. He handed it over then hit her arm with the tetanus shot. "There you go. Try to have an easier night."

"I'd like that," Darcy admitted, sliding off the table but holding onto it for a few seconds until she got her balance. "How long should I keep it covered?"

"Until it seals."

"Gotcha. Thank you." She shook his hand and limped out. "All shots given, a few stitches, and some local so I can sleep tonight." They escorted her out to her hotel and Clint stayed to tuck her in while Clay reported to the others.

***

Clint was in the living room of the suite when his phone rang. Darcy had graciously allowed him the couch so he didn't have to get a room for himself. He read the all capital letters 'SHE WAS BITTEN BY A LIZARD! WHO BRINGS A LIZARD TO THOSE SORT OF THINGS!' from Stark. Clint answered back patiently that she was fine, had some antibiotics in case, had a tetanus shot, and was sleeping. He got one back that was calmer about who he got to yell at about carrying a lizard to that thing. Clint gladly gave over the name. They deserved the hell they were about to get. Stark sent back a growl and didn't write back again.

Clint looked up the lizard, finding it was the Mexican Bearded lizard. Interesting. Biting definitely. Nerve toxin... He snuck in to check on Darcy but she was fine so far. She nearly woke up when he touched one of her hands to see if it'd move. He went back to the couch to text that factoid to Stark. He got back a growl from Pepper, who apparently knew who the lizard belonged to. Great! She could deal with petty annoyances like that instead of Darcy. Darcy had too much to deal with right now.

***

Jensen walked Darcy back into her apartment when they got back to Chicago, stopping to sniff. "Someone cooked."

Darcy looked around slowly, then went to look in the closets and bathroom. Jensen checked other places. They found the reason in the bathroom. "Sif," Darcy said, hugging her since she was only washing her hands. "Thank you for coming. Did you make dinner?"

"I brought you dinner," she admitted, coming out wiping off her hands. "Thor was worried about you when I came to check on him." She stared at Darcy then at Jensen. "New mate, Darcy?"

"This is Jake Jensen. He helped guard me the last few weeks because there's idiots who don't understand the meaning of the word no."

Sif smiled at him. "Sometimes a true warrior needs backup," she said, holding out a hand.

"It's a pleasure, Lady Sif. I've heard a lot about you, and not even from mythology, which said you were a blonde."

She laughed, nodding. "They confused me greatly," she agreed happily. She smiled at him. "There's enough for you if you want to join us."

"I've just escorted her home to make sure she made it here since someone tried to grab her at the airport."

"Really stupid reporter," Darcy muttered, shaking her head. Jake patted her and nodded at Sif before leaving. Darcy dropped her bag on the couch and looked at her. "I saw Jane and Thor in DC."

"I heard. You shouldn't be on that leg, Darcy." She sat down at the table, dishing out food for them. "Thank thee. Not as good as yours but very nice."

"It is good. Bruce did a good job." Sif smiled at her, looking smug. "It's the spices. He always uses those in pork dishes." She ate another bite. "Are you mad at me like Thor was?"

"If you had turned down being a guardian I might be but I learned that it was not what you were being asked to become. A caretaker is different. I had a talk with Thor about those as well. One of his mother's maids used to help her with the boys when she needed some but otherwise she raised her sons herself."

"My mom did the same thing with some babysitting from friends," she agreed, smiling at her. "I think the kid's a cute little thing but I... I'm not giving up my life for that, Sif."

"I understand, Darcy, and I agree. It's not a healthy thing they asked of you. You already served that purpose for Jane."

Darcy nodded. "Some days, yeah." She ate another bite. "So how are the Warriors Three and yourself?"

"We are tolerable. A bit bored without things going on, but tolerable."

"That's cool. Tell them I said hi if it won't make them mad?"

"I will do so," she agreed, eating some. "What are you doing now?"

"I'm working with a group that helps teenagers get an education if they had to drop out of school." She smiled. "I work with some great kids who I hope find a way out of the bad parts of the city."

"That's special work. Plus taking care of others is something you do good at." Darcy smiled at her for that, stuffing her mouth again. "Why are you limping? I heard you got injured but not how."

"Someone's pet lizard bit me." She looked at her. "Totally stupid but at the formal event I ran into Thor and Jane at." She stood up to let her see the bandage. "Not exactly a heroic injury." She sat down again.

Sif giggled. "A lizard?" Darcy pulled up the facts on those lizards on her phone so Sif could see. "A big lizard. Not too dangerous though."

"No, not too dangerous. Apparently it didn't have much toxin when it bit me. So I've got some antibiotics because it had been eating a mouse before it bit me." She grimaced. "And it got us out of there after someone tried to rob the event."

"I heard that had happened." Darcy took her phone back and tossed it at the couch once it was off. Sif grinned at that move. "Are you happier here?"

"I'm really kinda happy with my job and most of my life," she said with a smile. "I miss some people but I see a few of them real often. And I talk to them online."

"That's good then." She patted her on the hand. "The Warriors Three would say hi back you know."

"I know. They're nice guys." Sif nodded. "You know, there's people who make up stories about Thor and them having fun times together in bed. Not as many as with you though." Sif burst out laughing, shaking her head. "I ran into some the other day and nearly wrote back that they hadn't put in Fandral's chest hair." Sif's peal of laughter got louder. "Seriously, the fictional stories thing? Lots of fun sometimes." Sif gulped her water to help her not choke. "I showed one to Jane and she muttered about making her Thor gay."

"Oh my Goddess Friga," she snickered, shaking her head. "Thank you, Darcy. I needed that."

"Welcome." She smiled. It was good to catch up with old friends.

***

Darcy was out and about when she saw someone slightly familiar. She smiled and nodded slightly at him, getting a nod back. She went back to picking up vegetables for dinner. Plus some extra to bring with her that night. She grimaced at the citrus selection. "I was hoping to bring in oranges tonight," she muttered, searching for a better bag of them.

"It's better to buy singly," Bucky said quietly from behind her.

"Not always. They have some moldy ones there too," she said with a grimace. She went to look at the other type of oranges. "Well, the tiny ones are easy peel and you can eat ten of them in one sitting," she decided, loading those into her cart. She turned to smile at him. "How have you been, Bucky?"

"I'm good. This isn't where I'd expect you to be."

"Even I've got to grocery shop."

He nodded. "True. It was too easy to follow you though."

She smiled. "I knew someone was but it didn't feel like a threat." She moved closer, adjusting his shirt's collar on him. "I'm still pretty paranoid but nothing's happened recently. Unless you're following me because of that?" she asked quietly. He shook his head. She smiled. "Then that's great. I'm tutoring tonight if you wanted to join us. Scott and Steve both have."

"I don't think I can help much," he said. He stared at her. "They're still going to try to come."

"I know. They're insistent on some things, even if it makes no sense to anyone else." She waved a hand around. "It happens."

He looked at her hand then at her. "We didn't get a letter about that?"

She let him see it. "It's got an emergency key."

"Oh. That's neat." He let her hand go. "Pretty too."

"Thank you." She smiled. "Someone made that specially for me." She looked at the oranges then loaded another box into the cart. She looked at him. "If you need a couch...."

"I could just to make sure you're safe. We heard they're definitely going to try again soon, Darcy."

"That's fine. I have a couch and a guest bedroom both." He nodded, shifting closer. "Let me check out and I can bring you there. I've got about a half hour before I need to leave for the school." She went to get a few more things with him following, then going back to her apartment. She did text the security team she had a friend in from New York. "Want me to tell Steve you said hi?"

He shook his head. "He's moping. Again."

"He and Sharon need to man up and screw, yeah," she said, making him smile. She grinned back. "He does."

"Yeah, he does." He looked around the apartment. It was nice looking. Windows had some sort of stuff on it so it was partially darkened. "What's this?"

"It's an anti sniper film. The other side's more shiny so you can't get a good look in." She smiled. "The people I had help from finding this place put it up for me." She pushed her hair back. "You sure you don't want to come with me? The kids won't mind."

"No. You go do good things. I'll watch some tv and maybe I'll toss Steve a bone and say hi."

"Okay." She kissed him on the cheek, carrying the oranges out with her once she had her purse.

Bucky sat down, checking his email from her system. It was a nice one and had protections against being hacked from the outside.

Darcy called from the car. "Hey, Steve, it's Darcy," she told his voicemail. "I'm on my way to tutoring but I thought I'd let you know that I've got a couch guest and he's finally gotten a haircut. Yes, that one but I'm being subtle in case someone hacks your voicemail. Laters." She hung up.

***

Steve looked at his phone when the voicemail notice popped up. He had been texting when the call came in so it didn't interrupt him. He listened and smiled. "Bucky's visiting Darcy," he told the others. They were in a meeting room.

Stark looked at him. "Is that safe?" Steve glared at him. "We don't know where he's been since he hiked off with a huff at you. Could they have retriggered him? Because if he's there to take out Darcy I will kill him."

Steve shook his head. "She said he's on her couch, not that he attacked her."

"She's usually pretty safe," Natasha said.

"There's still three prices on her head plus HYDRA," Clint reminded her.

"Point," Natasha said with a grimace. "She should be fine. She'd know if Barnes was acting like he used to when you first brought him here."

"Point. That doesn't mean he can't act," Stark reminded her.

"Darcy is not helpless."

"She's trusting," Natasha said. "If you think he's acting, would she see through that?"

Stark sighed and pulled up the cameras he had installed in Darcy's apartment. One had been taken out but the others showed Bucky surfing the internet on her computer. He got into his special little thing to hack her, he had Jensen put it on there just in case, and looked at what he was doing, showing Steve. Steve winced and texted Darcy back as he walked off. Her 'don't break the couch' was enough to make him laugh.

***

Darcy came back that night and found Bucky unconscious and Steve looking pissed off. "So what was it? He seemed more quiet than usual."

"They sent him to hit on you, had him retriggered and convinced you were his true soulmate." He stared at her. She grimaced. "Darcy...."

"Yeah, it figures with the way that they got my gyn records," she admitted.

"Gyn," he said, looking confused.

"Girl doctor stuff, Steve."

"Oh!" He nodded once. "Why would they?"

"To find out the state of my birth control and uterus?" she guessed then shrugged. She handed over the last few oranges. "The kids were oranged out."

"Thanks." He sat down to peel and eat one. "I'm pretty sure I untriggered him because he gave me this horrified look when he seemed to wake up." He ate a bite. "But I didn't want to take the chance and he insisted I knock him out."

She kissed him on the forehead. "That's nice of you." She went into the kitchen. "Want dinner?"

"It's nearly ten," he said.

She looked out there. "I don't have to be at the office tomorrow until noon and I doubt I'm getting to sleep very shortly." She went back to making a quick dinner, coming out. "Besides, I need the stress relief. I had to dispute the fact that we don't help the kids past their GED's. I pointed out if they wanted more help, it wouldn't be the first time I had helped someone learn how to write college papers and all we'd ask for was them to help tutor while we worked on their own homework. The kids both agreed and got to work with the others, showing them how hard the GED actually was. It worked out well and whoever is paying off the principal is getting my heels up his ass." She dug in with a sigh. "So, how's things in New York?"

"Still really boring without any life," he admitted. "We all want you back, Darcy."

She looked at him. "I love working with the kids, Steve."

"I know. It's a hard choice but we'd want you closer."

"Even if I moved back, I'd be doing the same sort of work and not being Jane's assistant."

"Pepper needs help, a lot of help sometimes," he offered.

She stared at him. "I like what I do."

"I know. I'm sorry, I'm not trying to guilt trip you, Darcy." He shoulder nudged her and ate some of the nice dinner. "You got anything fun coming up?"

"An interview on live tv through a supposed news station?" she offered.

"Eww. Like that Piers guy?"

"Yup, him."

"Oh, well, at least you can confuse him a lot."

"Probably true." She leaned against his arm. "It'll be okay."

"It might not be. We have no idea how to save Bucky and he wanted me to put him back in ice earlier."

"Isn't mind screwing one of Wanda's powers?"

"She's not sure if she can help him."

"Huh. Well, ask Thor if they have mind healers."

"I...I actually hadn't thought about that," he admitted. "Maybe they can give Wanda ideas."

"Maybe." He smiled and hugged her. "Aww, I need a teddy bear built like you." He laughed but shook his head, digging into his dinner again. "I made the sleeping beauty there a plate too since it looks like he's waking up."

Steve went to get it and brought it back, settling in to feed Bucky by hand since his own were tied. Darcy had to admit it was hot to watch but she wasn't going to even dream about getting between those two ancient friends.

Bucky looked over. "Liking what you see, Doll?" he taunted.

"Yup, you look great as his captive," she said with a smirk. "The whole hand-feeding thing is really hot too." She ate a bite of her dinner. "So, why did they decide I was your fated soulmate sort?"

"Not sure," he admitted. "They were insistent that you were mine and meant to be mine, but I had to make you want to join us."

Darcy considered it then sighed. "I'm going to make sure my IUD is in place. Just in case they get super sneaky."

"Please do," Bucky agreed.

"I'll make that appointment tomorrow." She went back to eating. "You're pretty and all but I doubt dating me is going to make anything in your life easier."

"No, probably not," Bucky agreed quietly. "But you're very ...perky."

Darcy smirked a tiny bit. "Especially when I have to protect myself?" He nodded. "Yes I do try."

"Have there been ones we didn't hear about?" Steve demanded, staring at her.

"Did you hear about the lizard?" she asked dryly. "Because the owner is society scum who said it was wrong of me to protect myself and wrong of the agents to step in to protect me." She gave him a look. "I kindly made fun of him and his lizard the next day."

"GOOD!" Steve insisted. Darcy grinned. "Are you okay now?"

"More or less. A bit bored sometimes because I never have time enough to do more than watch an hour of tv." She shrugged. "That's the price you pay for adulting too well I guess."

"Maybe," he agreed. "Can you look into jobs like yours in New York?"

"I still wouldn't be at the tower, Steve, and who said that they'd leave me alone even if I moved back?"

"Point. But we could watch you better."

"Or they could try stuff while you're out avenging something," she shot back. "It's not a good idea to attack someone you'd protect while you're there."

"True," he agreed. "We'd still like you closer, Darcy. We miss the fun you used to have with us."

She got up to hug him. "Maybe some day soon we'll have some fun again." He nodded. "But really, I have to leave for Central America in about three days." He winced. "But I'm taking a helper-slash-bodyguard with me."

"Excellent idea," Bucky agreed. "Can they protect you if HYDRA comes?"

"Damn I hope so. Down there women are sneered at for being strong enough to beat the living fuck out of a man. They have an even worse rape culture than the US does." She grimaced. "We all think it'll be fine."

"We'll be listening just in case," Steve said. She grinned. "Does Coulson know?"

"Yeah, pretty sure he got the paperwork I have to file each time I want to leave the US. He has my passport under watch so I can't be stolen out of the country."

"Why would they use yours?" Bucky asked. "That makes no sense. They probably have someone who can legally get you a new one."

"Probably," Darcy agreed. "But that's what they demanded to do after Antigua and my spring break that got interrupted."

"You never have it easy," Steve complained.

She smiled. "I have a lot of easy things, just not free time. I think it's some sort of plot to keep me busy so I can't complain or make plans for world domination."

"We'd have to stop those, Darcy," Steve joked, smiling at her.

"Sure, you give me nubile young assistants to hit on like I'm a Stark and I can tone them down," she quipped back. "The more helpful those boys are, the less I'll want to take over the world to make it a better place."

Steve stared, mouth open slightly. "How many do you need, Darcy? Most women only need one."

She gave him a dirty look. "Most women only get one and have to substitute their own hands for the inadequate one they have. Finding someone fantastic in bed is nearly impossible these days. Too much attention span problems popping up in the bedroom. Hell, I've had more than one guy tell me foreplay took too long and wasn't a benefit to his sex life anyway. I told him foreplay made sure I wanted a round two."

"He was young and stupid," Steve said.

"He was thirty-five!" she said dryly. "And did the same sort of work I do, Steve. Men these days don't take their time and they definitely don't take their pleasures with ours."

"You could still date Bucky," Steve said dryly, staring at her.

She smirked. "I heard you had Sharon on your penis hotline."

Steve shook his head. "No, we're just dating. We haven't gone that far yet. Thanks for asking though. Much less subtle than Natasha's been trying to hint to get intel."

"Really? Most of the bets have gone by. Did you do that on purpose?"

"I knew Tony would bet on it if someone started a board," he complained but he grinned at her. "She said I'm not getting in her panties for at least another few dates, flat out told me because we all know I wouldn't ask that sort of question."

"Yup, real men don't have to ask, they just wait patiently," Darcy agreed.

"Used to be you could wait years," Steve complained. "Until the wedding night."

"Or later if she was on her cycle," Darcy quipped.

"Or that. Though any extra days might've killed the guy."

She smirked a tiny bit. "Blue balls doesn't kill anyone and all guys have at least something they can use as a friendly hand or a hole in the wall."

"So do women."

"Yes I do and I'm really too familiar with it. It's starting to get creepy how it works without my conscious thought now," she said dryly. "That and I'm a member of the dildo buyer's club, every two months they send me a special new buzzing friend in the mail." Steve burst out laughing. "Not totally kidding but yeah, I'm all too familiar with ways outside having a boyfriend."

"Try girls yet?" Bucky asked.

"Back in high school. It was good too. Haven't found one I could stand recently though."

Steve was shaking his head while he laughed. "Jesus," he muttered. He looked at her. "Would you hit on Natasha?"

"No, because she insisted that I had to be a gold digger the whole time I was in the damn tower," she said bluntly. "Tolerate, yes. Maybe forgive her some day, maybe. Fuck her? No. She's pretty but no. Not my type. My girlfriend would have to be supportive of my career the same way I would be of hers and I doubt she could do that."

"She does support charities," Steve said more quietly.

"Yeah, but she still doesn't like me and she can't be the sort of girlfriend that you'd lean on for comfort. Missions would get in the way and so would a lot of other problems. I don't mind being the one leaned on but I've had plenty of days I could use some for myself and I really can't see her doing that. It's not the lady she is."

"She does care."

Darcy nodded. "About her teammates, yes." She stared at him. "If there's an assault she'll care if you're trapped. She did the few times someone got into the tower. I can't see her being the quietly cuddling on the couch girlfriend."

"No, I can't either," he admitted. "She's got stuff still to settle in her life."

"Which will always take precedence because that's a choice you make," Darcy said. "Sometimes living well is the best revenge."

"True," he agreed. "She's settled down some."

"I'm happy for her, truly happy if she's found a niche and a happy spot. I think that's great and I hope she gets to keep it."

"I hope so too. She needed the peace now and then. Bruce has been having her help him meditate."

"Sometimes that helps you clear your mind and work out problems. Mine would only be solved if humanity suddenly started to care about the weaker humans, and that's something that hasn't happened yet."

"True," he agreed. "Even with support it just keeps getting worse." She nodded. "Are you okay?"

"I'm good. Most of the kids are doing okay."

"No, just you. Not the kids. You sound depressed, Darcy."

"It's just been some long weeks of mostly hiding," she admitted. "Because last time I had to get free there was an agent there. He was a skinhead, but he was an off-duty agent." She smirked a bitter little smirk. "And the officers tried to blame me for ducking him shooting me from a moving car for some reason. When I pointed out what happened and that I habitually wear a body camera to work because of threats, they were horrified. He's still free but the officers decided it was just a misunderstanding and I was conveniently in the way coming out of work. One of them geniusly mentioned our fire escape masturbator and decided he was there for that pedo."

Steve shuddered. "Scott told us about him."

"I finally got him arrested. He had escalated to where he was using supposedly legal porn."

Steve shook his head. "Guys like that need help. A lot of help. Some of it should even come from a few boots."

"I got him with the letter opener," she said with a slight smile. "He didn't come back for two days then. He came back on my day off. Shelly pepper sprayed him." Steve laughed, shaking his head again. "Yeah, things aren't always that boring. Just private life boring."

"It happens, Darcy. You should go rest. You could use the sleep. You look tired."

"I am, a tiny bit." She went into her bedroom, coming back with pillows and a top sheet. "Here you go. For whichever doesn't end up in the spare bedroom." She went back to get ready for bed and climb into it.

Steve looked at Bucky then got him onto the couch, still in cuffs at his insistence. Steve got the nice, soft guest bed for the night.

Around two or so, Darcy snuck out to look at Bucky, who was staring at the ceiling anyway. "We should talk," she said quietly. He stared at her. She sat in front of him on the coffee table, staring at him. "Why me?"

"I don't know. Maybe they think I'll trust you even without remembering you," he said quietly. "Steve does and I've instinctively done the same thing before realizing."

She nodded. "And what's their usual method? Beyond kidnaping and drugging?"

"That might depend on if you're brainwashed first," he admitted. "Probably drugged and taken. Or just plain kidnaped off the street." She nodded at that. "They might do medical checks first, make sure if you're on something it goes away."

"I'm actually on more than one method," she admitted. "And my doc agreed that I could go on a hormonal and an IUD."

"I don't need to know."

"You may need to know," she admitted. "Because it can take up to 90 days for the hormonal one to go away."

He blinked a few times. "That's handy."

She nodded. "Very. Which is why he agreed." She stared at him. "If they do take me and lock me somewhere with you, are you they going to trigger you automatically?"

"I don't know," he admitted. "It'd be more psychological fun for them if they didn't wash either of us."

"They'd get off from making you rape me," she said with a nod. "That's classical sadism yeah." She sighed, grimacing. "In that sort of situation, I'd never blame you, Bucky. That or death is a bad choice. I'd rather block and then if I had to give in."

"I'd...I'd try to make it not horrible."

She shook her head quickly. "No. No you will not because that's for chosen times, not for forced or else you die times. You only make it good when you want them to come back, not to keep us both from dying." She stared at him. "You will make it cold, clinical, and just get it over with," she said very quietly. "Because that'll hurt us both the least."

He nodded. "I can do that," he agreed, sighing at the end. "I can see that point." She leaned over to pat his hands. "I don't want to make this plan."

"Neither do I. But we all know they're persistent and it'll be a while before Steve and you and whoever can make them stop it. It's stupid not to and I may be nice but I'm not dumb."

"I find you nice and not dumb," he agreed, smiling slightly. She grinned back. "I still don't want to see you captured."

"Me either. I'll do everything I can to make sure they can't. I also realize I work in an area of town that's not that safe. I've nearly been a shot bystander a few times thanks to the local officers and gang members. Once in the office." He grimaced but nodded at that. "So I'm realistic. Is there anything we can do if they do get me beyond me kinda expecting you to help me get us free? I'm not great but I'll beat a bitch if I have to."

"I can do more than that. Can you shoot?"

"I can. I'm not great but I can hit the broad side of a barn. Clint made sure of that."

"He's a good shot."

"Yeah and I might be if I practiced every day of my life and got laser eye surgery. My depth perception is a bit off so I'll never be a marksman."

"Not everyone can be," he agreed. "Can you fight?"

"I've taken self defense lessons. I'm not great but I can get free of being held and the like. Usually I can't punch worth a damn but I can pick up something and hit them with it."

He nodded. "I can make plans for that," he agreed. "Have you put in a tracker?"

"The last one they tried, when we first moved into the tower, made me seriously sick. They had to remove it before they had to remove my forearm from the infection."

He grimaced. "We'll see if we can get you one that can't be found by a scanner. I know someone's working on a chemical one."

"That might be nice. If it won't make me sick I'd like that. Thank you."

He nodded. "You need it. You have more than HYDRA after you."

"You guys have federal level morons after you too," she reminded him. "It sucks and I hope like hell we suddenly get a real hydra here so they can eat the assholes. And so they realize that hydras and octopuses look different." He burst out laughing. "They do."

"They do," he agreed. "Thanks."

"I figured we needed to work something out before hand. And you need to find some way to let me know you're not your normal self. Earlier I wasn't sure."

"I probably won't call you anything cute if I'm triggered. The Soldier isn't about mushy things."

She smiled. "You called me Doll earlier."

"I did?" She nodded. "Damn. I was thinking I was more separated."

"They could've uploaded that into the last triggering," she offered. "Given you some of that personality. Because they knew I'd never go for someone cold and unemotional."

"Could be," he agreed.

"I'm still wondering why they're focusing on me."

"You're a dame I would've fallen for back in the day."

"Yeah but there's plenty of us out there, Bucky."

"Not who could handle it if I went off. Or who would know how to handle it if I went off. Some of that's instinctive. Probably can't be washed out."

"Point. So I was the easy choice that fit the best?" He nodded. "Wow." She grimaced.

"Like I said, I could've fallen for you back in the day."

She grinned. "Thanks." She got up. "You should try to get a few hours of at least resting. I don't have to be up until nine." She went back to her room.

Bucky shifted until he got comfortable again, thinking about that problem. He had to make sure they couldn't take her. That was a fate worse than death and she had ways of handling it that he didn't want to see her have to use. HYDRA just might have underestimated this young woman because she wasn't an easy target by any means. He looked toward where Steve probably wasn't sleeping and caught his eye, shrugging some. Steve grimaced but nodded he had heard. So yeah, they'd try to make sure they didn't pick her up.

***

Darcy was walked onto the stage, pointing at a seat and getting a nod so she sat down and let the assistant put the microphone on her shirt. She pushed her hair back. "Okay?" she asked the assistant.

"Just fine, Miss DeCriths," she said quietly. "It's going to be about five more minutes." She left her to sit there.

Darcy smiled at the two men coming out. "Pleasure to meet you both," she said, holding out a hand with a smile. "I can tell you're an agent by the suit."

"Former Secret Service," he admitted, shaking her hand. "The agent that helped you?" he asked quietly.

"I'm told he got moved but he got to ask where."

"That's nice of his supervisor." He sat down and checked his own microphone but Darcy caught it when it fell and hooked it onto his tie. "Thank you."

"Welcome. My first time wearing one but those things are tiny." She smiled at the host, shaking his hand. "Thank you for helping me stop that crappile of stupid that keeps showing up."

"If it's warranted," he said with a smirk.

She smirked back. "I brought tape."

"Good. I asked you to. Do they have it?"

"Yes. I handed it over first thing."

"Excellent." He sat down and his own microphone was put into place. "How long?" he called.

"Two," someone called.

Darcy looked around. "I used to wonder why my father liked his work. Now I see it's a lot more hectic than I thought from his stories."

"You're...that DeCrith was your father?" the host said. Darcy smiled and nodded. "Oh!"

"I never got bitten by the acting bug. He wasn't disappointed I was more like my mother. We've seen a few actresses that basically got eaten by the system until drugs seemed like the best idea in their lives. A few, rehab saved them from suicide from all the judgmental crap."

"I've seen some that have gotten to that point," the host agreed. "It's sad."

"It is. And it never really seems to happen to guys." She frowned. "Or at least not as often or as vocally."

"True. People don't remark half as much on the actor's weights and all that."

"Unless you're Steve and then they think he's a dorrito," she quipped.

The host cracked and nodded while laughing. "Yes, I've seen those memes online."

"I sent him one and got a picture of him blushing back."

"Five, four," someone started to count down.

The host looked at the camera over Darcy's shoulder. "Welcome to our talk tonight. We're talking to Miss Darcy DeCriths, who had the unfortunate problem with a political candidate at a charity event and we're talking to a former Secret Service agent as well. He's a political contributor to CNN, Retired Agent Howard Stultz. Welcome to you both. Let me start off with the film. It's been all over the internet." He let it run on the monitors, watching Darcy's grimace as she watched it. "Howard, what is the proper protocol there?"

"The agents guarding him's job is to keep him from touching anyone and anyone from touching him. Frankly, I fault the agents for not protecting her from the primary incident."

"So they shouldn't have been able to touch her," the host said with a nod. "Darcy?"

"I was just really mad that I got slapped on the butt and his finger tried to get...intimate with my body orifice in the rear. To be polite since we're on camera. It was a deep enough touch that I could tell through my skirt and slip and hose. Which is pretty bad considering how short his fingers are."

"That's sad," the agent said. "He shouldn't have been able to touch you at all, Miss DeCriths."

She smiled at him. "You can call me Darcy. I'm not going to be formal tonight." She looked at the host. "I'm pretty sure the agents with him were just shocked. They didn't step in until he escalated it and I pulled my tazer." They rewatched the video from him getting up to menace her. "I was certain he'd be hitting me and then I would've reacted with lethal force. He wasn't going to suddenly pull back and hold his hands up going 'just kidding'."

The host looked at the agent. "She's right," Stultz agreed. "He was going to punch her. By now the agents should have stepped between them, one of them removing the protected person and one of them walking her off to take a statement if she wanted to press charges."

"A few agents have told me I should've been arrested," Darcy said dryly, looking at him again. "Including an agent that took over after the agent that did step in removed himself from the event." She smiled and handed over the tape player the assistant in black next to her handed her. "Someone handed it to me from the security room." She let it play.

Stultz shook his head. "I would've fired any agent that didn't follow protocol and if he had let that person rape someone he would've been in the jail cell with him for being an accomplis." He leaned forward to look at the video monitor again. "I can't fault the agents for more than stopping him from touching her in the first place and for not reacting fast enough. We're trained to step in the way of someone punching our protectees. I'm really upset they didn't step in to stop her from hitting him but not that she hit him. She has every right to hit him. I told my daughter when that came out I wanted her to do the same thing."

"I got nagged by a few people I know I should've pulled my gun first instead of the tazer," Darcy said. "I always want to try to use non-lethal methods first unless I absolutely have to."

"Have you ever had to shoot someone?" the agent asked her.

She nodded. "A few weeks after I went back to work after this, we found out there was a contract out on my life. Two of them. I had to shoot the guy running at me with his gun out and a manic grin; I hit him in the leg. I know, and was taught, if I have to pull my pistol I'm to aim to kill but I was in a major metropolitan city and even Chicago people call 911 when there's gunshots. I was hoping that was the end of that event but it wasn't that night."

"Who had the contracts out?"

Darcy handed over the papers that were sitting beside her. "From the bulletin board where those things are put out. I believe Agent Stultz's people arrested one of them for it. The other...I'd rather not talk about at this time as it could become a problem almost immediately."

He looked and winced. "Yes, that second group would be more of a problem and it's not related to this?"

"No. Not in the least. It was there a bit before then. They just jumped in when they saw their chance during that attempt on my life."

"I saw the hastily edited and removed diary on that blog site," the host said, looking at her. "How did you do that one?"

She smiled. "Talk to text software. My hand hurt so I was updating the earlier one when that problem burst into the room. It was fortuitous."

"I guess that would be." He stared at the agent. "Should she have shot to kill instead of wound during this first event?"

"Yes," he said. "With the way he was menacing her and kept getting back up to escalate it, she should have shot him instead of tazing him the second time. It would've been safer for her if she had. I like how the agents handled it at the end to get her evacuated safely. That was textbook training. I'm glad they could evacuate her safely. I know there were two other attempted rapes at the same event, by different men."

"I saw their childish exhibition problem," Darcy said dryly. "I told one of the," she coughed, "models that I hoped she found a better job soon as I walked past her."

"They had models there?" the host asked, looking confused.

"Yes, scantily clad women in really high heels with semi-automatic rifles," she said dryly. "So very charming as living statues and oh so classy," she finished sarcastically.

The host grimaced. "That's so bad," he said.

"I saw a few taking pictures," Darcy said, shaking her head. "I was only there to hand over some information to one of the charity I work with's donors. I was in, handed it over, and was walking out when that happened. And frankly, I didn't want him the first time he tried to hit on me during a news broadcast." She handed over her statement with a grin. "I pointed that out during that altercation, he said I couldn't be that woman I was fat."

He looked her over. "You look healthy and curvy but not overweight," he said. He looked at the statement and put it onto the screen that put it onto the monitor. "I think we all saw that."

"Yeah. I go by my grandmother's maiden name most of the time to not only not live with people wanting me for my parents but also due to my stepmother's death contract on me that started when we got her arrested for poisoning my father. Which he died of. It was attempted twice when I was in my undergrad so I had some help from the agents on the campus at that time to informally change my name without having to go through the legal proceeding."

"That makes sense," Stultz said. "Why were agents on campus?"

"I went to Culver." She smiled. "I really liked Culver."

"Oh!" He nodded once. "Yeah, there's still probably an agent settled on campus just in case to this day."

The host looked at her. "Why did she try to have you killed?"

"Because I had her arrested for poisoning my father," she said. "She wanted to be his only heir. She was a money-grubbing bitch to put it bluntly but she'll probably be happy I remembered her unfondly if her prison is allowed to watch tv."

"I remember hearing about your father dying of dementia."

"No, my father was declining mentally to the point where he didn't recognize himself but it was induced by that poison she gave him every day in his fresh squeezed orange juice she insisted he drink because it was good for him. He was poisoned daily for about two and a half years. Dad, well like most dementia cases he did have lucid days."

"Why did he remarry?" the host asked. "I remember he and your mother were the sort of gooshy lovers that made everyone smile when your mother gave him that look in public."

"Mom died and Dad really needed something to take his grief out of focus, give him something new to think about and worry about and all that. At that time it pissed me off but I understood that need. I needed the same thing when Mom died but I wasn't old enough to even date back then." She shrugged a bit. "He just needed someone he could focus on instead. And he picked an easy choice, which was a really bad one. Including trying to force me into an arranged marriage with a guy who later killed his wife. Running up the bills so much my father nearly had a heart attack when he found out she bought her boyfriend a condo on the mastercard." She smirked a tiny bit. "After that fit was when I nicely told a CHP officer we knew up the street about her and her DUI habit. They originally arrested her on that and then found out Dad had been poisoned when he ended up in the hospital for a week during the trial."

"Oh, dear."

"Yeah. Dad...he was pretty strong willed about a few things. I offered to come back home, go to a closer college, to take care of him. He refused. He didn't want me to see him like that as he declined. Which I understand. His order to me was to find him a pretty nurse who would remind him of my mother and to visit on holidays after making sure he was having a good day. And I broke it by visiting a lot more often than he thought I should. Some of his last few lucid days he decided he was getting too bad.

"He and a few professional people talked about his options and he didn't want to go to a nursing home. He was getting to the point where good days weren't coming even once a month sometimes. So his last lucid day, when he realized that, he gathered some things and he curled up in bed beside his nurse, who was sobbing on him as he called her by Mom's name, and took a handful of pills. I was on my way home for a visit when I got the call."

The host blinked, staring at her. "That's..." He cleared his throat. "I'm not sure if I should be upset or not."

"I think that's a personal choice and I can see both sides, but I know my dad didn't want to spend another two years slowly fading into nothingness." She wiped off a tear. "He had mentioned it a few times when he was more healthy so I wasn't totally caught off guard. I had kinda thought that if he still had the facilities he might've been planning it after that visit." She shrugged. "It hurt a lot but ...his doctor said he probably would've spent another two years that way."

"I can see why you would make that choice," he agreed. He cleared his throat again. "Your mother...."

"Probably would've taken a broom to him," she admitted with a small smile. "She fought cancer three times and only lost once. My mom was a strong, subtle woman. She would've hit the bimbo with her car probably. Mom couldn't fight, she couldn't throw a punch and I inherited that from her. She was a mean hand at softball, as proven after I was born and she went after some idiot with a bat. She was at the end of the mood swings," she said with a smile, laughing a bit. "Mom had her ways of making sure people knew she was mad at them."

"I remember her doing some snubbing at times," the host said with a small smile. Darcy nodded. "We have to go to commercial for a minute then we'll talk about this interesting statement and a few other problems. Like the hate levels online." The producer pointed and he sighed, looking at her. "I had no idea," he said quietly.

She patted him on the hand. "Most people didn't. I understand why he did. I'm not sure what I'd do in that situation." She shrugged. "Generally I'm a lot more like mom and I'll stubborn a problem to death but sometimes you just can't do that."

"True. I'm sorry." He handed her a tissue. She smiled and blew her nose then tossed the tissue out. He looked at the agent. "Have you seen any of the other footage?"

He shook his head. "Not really."

Darcy waved a hand. "After that one incident I started to wear a body camera more often. I used to wear it to tutoring, not when I was in the kids I tutor, but going there and home. It's a dangerous neighborhood. I'm just really happy some of the kids helped me that night. That was a run of luck."

Agent Stultz looked at the information she had. "Did the FBI get this?"

"That's why they finally arrested him," she said with a small shrug. "It was brought to me by a former SHIELD guy."

"Wow." He sighed. "That's bad."

"Yeah but bad is relative. That SHIELD guy? He's a really nice guy and he spent that night on my couch so I didn't get alcohol poisoning. Because by the time I got home I just really wanted tequila to make it all go away for a night."

The producer pointed. "And we're back," the host said. "With Former Agent Stultz, who is a political commentator, and Darcy DeCriths." She smiled at him. "We're going to look at the second incident's film. Where was this?"

"Around the corner from my work actually. The reporters caught me coming out of the building I work in and I walked away, going to tutor."

The film was run. It wasn't great quality but it was clear enough to tell what was going on. The host paused it. "So the three reporters?"

"One reporter," Darcy said, holding up a finger. "We found out later two of them had no film in the cameras and were there as a diversion." The host winced but let it go on.

"Pause it," Stultz said. It was paused. "Are those CPD cars?"

"I didn't realize it at first," she admitted. "But those are the tv version. They're really close but not perfect. Which is why I let them handle it. I thought they were the real CPD officers." It was restarted and they finished watching it.

"Who was the sniper?" the agent asked.

"The same one who brought me the information earlier that my life was threatened."

"Oh!" He nodded. "So a former agent." She nodded. "Huh." They went back to watching it. He looked at her. "The security team?"

"At that time I lived in a very security conscious building. I had pushed my panic button I wore on my belt with my arm. They brought me to a neutral location so the actual police could come take a statement, and I went with the agent in question, he showed up there. Then we got broken in on after that by someone wanting to take us hostage. It was not a good night."

"Wow," the host said, shaking his head. "Your phone being on speak-to-text was pretty fortuitous."

"My hands hurt and I was updating that earlier entry," she admitted. "When he broke in I didn't turn it off. I was kinda hoping someone would see it and report it. I hit send as we were being hauled up to be walked out."

"Who trained you how to get out of incidences?" the agent asked.

"A few people," she admitted. "Including picking it up here and there, and I took a few classes at the college I did my masters at."

"Your college," the host said, staring at her, smirking slightly. "Where did you do your masters?"

"At a small college in Pennsylvania. Yes, there was an incident while there too. That's when I seriously started to get politically more conscious and more active in the 'that's wrong, stop it' part of my life. I knew before then I didn't want to run for an office but someone has to stand up and go 'stop it, dude' about the wrong stuff."

"That college," he said, pulling up a police report. "Yours?"

She looked. "Yeah, he was a HYDRA agent who had hit on me a few days earlier. I had an agent there checking on me due to their nearby base so I gave the guy a cover to get out of the pub. The owner's a really nice guy, very good to the students, and made one hell of a burger that I adored. It was coincidence that we were in there when he came in. It was just after finals and a few days of interviews so I had no groceries." She shrugged. "I noticed him coming in and got in his way to give the agent a chance to sneak out the back door."

"I can agree with that action," the agent said. "I'm surprised he didn't mention the other incident."

Darcy grimaced. "I did what I had to do," she admitted. "And that did break open the dual identity thing since the summons to testify was in my use name instead of my actual one."

"Do you still use that?"

"Yeah, I do. It's a lot easier doing things when no one has expectations of you or wants to suck up to you because of your name. I can do good for everyone in any name but it's easier for myself and others to do it in my use name."

"I've heard that before from children of famous people," the host said. He pulled up that incident. "How did the national news hear of that?"

She smirked a tiny bit. She pulled up the second report. "Because the senator showed up with weapons to take out anyone who had been there that night so no one could testify against his son, that he got out on bail," she said dryly. "He also paid the college a bribe to tear apart my room, supposedly in a search for my legal, allowed by the FBI, tazer. I didn't know that the seam of my panties were big enough to hold it, but they thought so."

The agent read it, then looked at her. "Who?"

"An agent; I was in my room being talked to about that initial incident. There was one on the campus recruiting and was on the floor answering questions when the senator stepped off the elevator and sneered at him. He handled it when the geezer attacked. I nicely got the girls on the floor to go hide with their new pictures of the fight and asked if they would post them online." She smiled. "I thought he deserved it."

"I agree," the host said. "The fool proved himself stupid doing that. They were going to ..."

Darcy pulled up film from her thumbnail drive. "I had been recording a video about a date for a facebook friend in London." He watched it and gasped. The agent was wincing. "It had to be handled. I was the floor monitor at that time. The girls were having a long weekend so thankfully most of them were at home. We handled it and the next day the college's residence hall staff all gathered for a meeting to see how they could stop it next time." She pulled up that footage. "That's from the fight itself. Cut into floors." He selected the one on her floor and they watched it, but it had no sound. Then the main floor's was switched to and it still had no sound but they could tell some girls were running and screaming from the lounge area.

The agent looked at her. "Nice moves, but clearly untrained. But you did an excellent job with the other hall monitor."

"Thank you. The girls needed to be protected."

"They did," the host said, staring at her. "You mentioned London," he said dryly.

She smiled. "I adore visiting London. Such great museums and historical sites."

"That's not what I'm thinking about, Miss DeCriths."

"And colleges," she agreed with a grin. "Had to happen."

He groaned. The agent stared at her, mouth open. "That was not in your file."

"I'm kinda shocked at that," she admitted, looking at him. "It happened and we were there. Did you want us to faint and scream?"

"No," he admitted. "But you worked in Avengers tower. That was in your file."

"As a science intern, yes." She grinned. "I adored the years I was there. I got in a lot of fussing time."

He cleared his throat. "Did you do that after Culver?"

"The incident you're thinking of was about a year after I left Culver."

"Wow. Okay." He stared at her. "Some people are once again screaming for a certain former scientist's turning over."

"Yes, I hate those racist assholes, sorry to use such language but warranted in this case I think," she said bluntly. "And I hope they die a death they deserve thanks to the hate they live with every day." He gaped. "Why would they want to capture Dr. Banner? Beyond to treat him as a science experiment."

"He's dangerous," he said.

"So am I. And?"

"He's more dangerous. He can do a lot of damage."

"Yes, when he changes due to his anger problems. Unfortunately there's a lot of operant conditioning going on there. They attacked so he defended himself. They attacked and he had to defend himself and others. He tried to run away and doing that did cause some damage, yes. Would you have stood there and let the problematic people like Ross take you in? I mean, it was Ross that screwed up his experiment on him. It was Ross that tried to kill him. It was Ross that taught the Hulk that he had to fight to protect himself. Personally, I hope Ross has a fun time in hell because he's earned it repeatedly."

"He's...influential."

She shrugged. "I don't care because if he comes after me, I'll handle it if I have to. I know Bruce fairly well. I worked up the hall from him. I brought him tea sometimes. He attended picnics when the team held one. He's a pretty nice guy. Yeah, he has an anger issue and thanks to that experiment it has a solid form instead of him hitting walls. Or if he does it dents the walls. Would your anger at things be any prettier? Or mine? Or our host's?"

"No," the host said. "Mine would probably be pretty ugly. Though probably blue instead of green. I look better in blue."

The agent nodded. "I can see that point."

"Can you see the point where Bruce's experiment was tampered with?" she asked.

"I can," he said. "I've heard that and that he got caught in it while trying to stop it." She nodded. "Is he dangerous in general?"

"Bruce has a pretty good handle on his Other Guy as he calls him. He knows his triggers, he tries very hard to avoid them. If people like Ross didn't provoke him, would we have the sort of problems we had when he had just barely been changed? If Ross had asked, wouldn't Bruce have probably told him what he wanted to pull him apart to find out?"

"He probably would have," the agent agreed. "They were trying to contain a public menace."

"That he made," Darcy shot back. "The same as he made a second one to go against Dr. Banner. Do we do the same thing to that guy?"

"No," he agreed. "I thought that was voluntary."

"Ross had the experiment's equipment, information, and any leftovers. So how did he volunteer?"

"I hadn't thought about it," he admitted, looking at their host. "Is he safe?"

"Yes. I've been in the same room with the Hulk twice thanks to lab accidents from other people's mistakes. Once he patted me to make sure I woke up. The other time he was glaring and growling but we were treating a small cut he had on his leg instead of him going to stomp on someone. I'm pretty sure the Hulk is only a threat when you make him be or if there's an attack that he's helping defeat. The same as most of us are."

"I...yes, that's when I'm dangerous as well," the agent agreed. He looked at the host. Then back at her. "What do you think about the Accords?"

"I think that someone higher up prompted it and it's a pile of shit that leads to conscription," she said bluntly. "I read the Stephen King length document. In there were provisions to send people to fight, even if they didn't want to. To forcibly train anyone who was found to have those gifts and then make sure they joined the same incident response team. Also in there were provisions to torture, though put more genteelly, anyone who had the gifts and doesn't want to do that sort of work." She stared at him. "If they had actually managed that, I would've helped the rebellion and I know I wouldn't have been alone."

"What about Steve Rogers?" he demanded.

"What about him? He's a really nice guy. He really likes chocolate chip and oatmeal cookies but likes my peanut butter ones the best of the ones I make."

He blinked a few times. "He was made by the government."

"He was made by his parents, he had his health fixed by the government program. Which they never stopped by the way." The agent gaped. She stared back. "They didn't. There's been a few noted in history, though covered up fairly well. One of them happened to be from near where I went to high school and the teacher knew him. So we talked about him and he came to talk to the class."

"I didn't know that," he admitted.

She took the keyboard from the host and pulled up a site, letting him see it. "That one?" she asked with a point. That was put onto the main screen and was read over by both men. It was also suddenly reloaded and disappeared. She smirked. "Some people are still trying to hide that."

The host blinked a few times. "They died."

"Yes, a lot of them did. A few survived but apparently didn't show a useable enough gift."

"Do you think he should be property of the government?" the host asked.

"I didn't know we went back to slavery," she said sarcastically. "When was that passed?" He spluttered. "That would be conscription, which is slavery. If he *wants* to work for the government, he can and probably will. Not like he didn't do the work for SHIELD and still does some of the work taking down HYDRA. Someone's got to do it and our government sure isn't. Not like anyone's paying him to do it anymore either. You can't have it both ways.

"Someone's got to do the job, but if you make them conscripted slaves then no one does the job because you can't force someone to go to battle for people. I sure as hell would fight back if I was conscripted. They'd have to torture me to get me to do that for them. I might do it on my own but not when I'm being used as a warrior slave. I don't speak for Steve, but I'm pretty damn sure he wouldn't let himself be conscripted that way. He kinda fights against that thing since that's HYDRA's plans."

The former agent blinked a few times. "That was?"

"Yeah."

"He destroyed parts of DC, including the SHIELD headquarters building."

"Those helicarriers had a program that would've killed thousands who would oppose HYDRA. Which did you want?"

"He couldn't stop it beforehand? Before the launch?"

"Apparently not," she admitted. "You'd have to ask him. I wasn't in DC then. I was locked in the tower like everyone else in there."

"Oh." He slumped, shaking his head. "He still made a mess."

"Did *he* make a mess or did he make a mess *fighting back*?" Darcy asked patiently. "Big difference."

"The one on the highway?"

"Yeah, did you watch where they were? They were in a single car. So who made the mess?"

"That metal armed man," the host said. "Who is he?"

"Ask Steve. I'm not at liberty to talk about him." She looked at him. "Not even thinking about all the NDA's I signed but that's something that Steve has to talk about because I do not know everything."

"I can see if someone will ask him," the host admitted. "Did you hang out with the response team?"

"No. I worked with Jane. I was her lab assistant and helper. Sometimes I made food. Sometimes I fed others when I made food. I helped pick out movies sometimes if someone wanted something new to watch. I had ideas about things that could be done if they were bored. I helped a few set up their facebook and twitter accounts." She shrugged. "I did some personal assistant type stuff for some and sometimes I was there during movie night with Jane and sometimes I made food. I wasn't a best friend or anything, I was just there."

"I can see how that happens," the host agreed. He stared at her. "You've managed to be a secondary character at a few very important places."

She smiled. "Being subtle is sometimes the best thing in life. I've never wanted to be the guy in front." She shrugged. "That's a lot of stress I don't want to deal with. I like what I do, I like the charities I work with, I love the kids I tutor. I'm happy with my life. Until things like that attack happen. Then I turn into a bitch."

He blinked but smiled. "Well said."

"Thank you."

"And let's go to commercial." He looked at her. "You do swear."

"Sorry. It's a bad habit, I know that. I don't mean to."

"It's all right, it's been the moment for it," he said, staring at her. "We're going to have to take calls about that assault."

"Okay. I've got a pretty thick skin. Especially after all the 'you should've been raped by him there for fighting back' comments I got online. Including by the guy that had his lizard bite me at an event."

The host winced. "I heard." She smirked a tiny bit. "Did it heal?"

"I have a tiny scar."

The former agent shook his head. "I heard too. So very weird."

"Yes it was," Darcy agreed.

They came back. "I think we should take some calls about the assault incident. I'm told the first one is David from Omaha. You're on the air."

"I think she should've been arrested for hitting him, much less tazing him," the guy on the phone said. "That's illegal."

"It's not illegal to protect yourself," Darcy said. "Would you have expected your sister or daughter to let him grope her?" The man hung up. "Apparently he would've." She shifted to cross her legs, shrugging some. "I don't understand that sort of attitude. I know plenty of men see women as useless accessories but still."

The host shook his head. "I know better." He took the next caller and they actually had a question.

"Is the tazer a legal weapon in all states?" she asked.

"No," the former agent said. "In some states, and a few individual cities, it's illegal to own one. Though you probably won't be charged if you use one in self defense. Most officers would rather not clean up a horrific murder scene instead of writing someone a tiny ticket for owning and using a tazer to defend themselves."

"How did Darcy get hers overseas?"

"I had federal permission," Darcy admitted. "It's illegal in London too but I didn't have to really use it over there. There was one guy who tried to follow me home from the club, and had a bat to convince me I'd like him, but the officers didn't respond to his pleas to come make me quit kicking him."

"If you call your local police department's regular line, they can tell you if it's legal where you are," the former agent finished.

"Or pepper spray is always legal," Darcy said. "It's non-lethal and can give you enough time to get away from an attacker."

"Thank you."

"Welcome and I hope you never have to use it," Darcy said.

The host took the next one and it was a male who was more interested in Darcy's charity work so she smiled and told him what she was working on presently and the few she gave time to. He hung up after a note he'd be looking into them to make sure they weren't militant like her. Darcy rolled her eyes but shook her head with a sigh. The host winced. "Some people are annoying that way," he admitted.

"They'd probably never support it anyway because 'omgee, poor people!'," she mimicked. "How can we put up with poor people getting somewhere!"

He cracked a tiny laugh. "Possibly. I know a few of those. Next caller?"

"I think the agents should've held her down for him," he started and the host hung up on him.

"I don't think we need to hear rape threats on the line. There might be children watching," he said with a glare at the camera. "I think that's out of line for humans and especially on this show."

Darcy nodded. "But I got plenty of those after that incident and after the death threat." She shrugged. "I don't know why. I didn't study psychology, I studied societies and public policy. Frankly, I hope those sort never breed but it's probably too late to save their abused spouses."

The host winced. "That's a stereotype."

"Probably," she agreed. "I haven't met one that wasn't yet though. They might exist but I've never met one."

The host nodded. "Quite plausible then." He took the next caller and had to hang up on them nagging that women should be subservient to men. "I don't think we need that one."

"I think they misread their book," former Agent Stultz said dryly. "I also think that they're not God to judge anyone. Judge not lest you be judged," he said patiently. "If they lived by that cardinal rule the world might be a better place."

"Amen," Darcy agreed, giving him a high five. "I try very hard not to unless I'm kinda pushed to it."

The host looked at her. "Yet you just did."

"I said I try, not that I'm perfect. I feel I can judge racists because they do things to be judged for."

He nodded. "That could be." He took the next caller. "We have someone from the nice state of Ohio."

"Miss Lewis, are you going to be writing a book?"

Darcy recognized that voice. Natasha. Interesting. "No. I am not a writer and I haven't done anything weird or important enough to have a book about. I might write a book on how to work with various charities and integrate them into a working project but otherwise no."

"You sure? You have done important things."

"No, I was present when important things happened," she said. "Until a few years ago."

"If you're sure." They hung up.

The host looked at her. "You'd turn that down?"

"Who'd want to read about that? Let those books go to people who've done things. Or Oprah since so many like her advice."

"You don't?" he asked.

"I'm actually not going to comment. I don't know the woman; I don't really watch her show. I know she's an influential woman, she's done a lot of good, she's helped a lot of people, but I don't tend to read advice books. If I need advice I think about what my mother would've done."

"Your mother would've yelled about that incident?"

"My mother would've yelled about my language," she admitted. "It's a bad habit I picked up somewhere and I apologize for the few I've let out tonight. As my mom said, swears are basically mouth farts."

The host burst out laughing, nodding. "I've heard her say that when I was younger." He shook his head but was smiling. "We have time for two more callers." He answered one of the lines. "You're on the air."

"If she's so uninteresting why did you put her on a show?"

"To clear up all the threats and misconceptions, plus to highlight the conversation about women being able to protect themselves if needed," the host said. "As proven by some of our callers tonight, a lot of people think that women shouldn't protect themselves. Or shouldn't have to protect themselves because a man would do it for them." Darcy shook her head with a sigh. "Yours?"

"One of the people at my master's college," she admitted. "That was his idea and he was a teacher. That women being able to protect themselves ruined the macho factors most guys had."

"I think he was right," the caller said. "You're a pushy broad."

"Thank you," Darcy said. "Pushy women get things done and I hope I do that with my daily work." The guy slammed down the phone. She shrugged at the host.

He shook his head. "I think a man's ego needing a woman to be weak for him means he's got a weak ego," the host said dryly. "And our last call tonight." He pushed the button. "You're on the air."

"Miss Lewis," the voice sneered. "How nice of you to mention us."

Darcy looked at the phone, grimacing. "Who are you?" she asked. "I don't recognize the voice or the phrasing as one who's threatened me before."

"I'm one of those other groups."

"Oh, you're HYDRA," she said dryly. "You have a nice night, dude."

"We will be talking," he said before she could hang up.

"Bring it, dude." She hung up on him and pushed another button. "We have another minute and you're not a threat, right?"

"Um, no," the man said. "I wanted to say it was great you could defend yourself that way. Many women couldn't. I think more women should be able to."

"Thank you. I hope more women don't need to but learn just in case guys like the other caller was. You have a good night and thank you."

"Welcome, Miss DeCriths." He hung up.

The host smiled at her. "Thank you for handling that."

"I won't be giving in to the fear that HYDRA tries to shove at us. I'm not like that." She grimaced. "They're cowards. They prove it by that call."

"I hope you're okay if they come."

"Me too," she admitted. "But I will be eventually." She smiled. "Thank you for having me on."

"Thank you for answering questions," he said, shaking her hand. "And thank you to former Agent Stultz." They shook his hand.

"And cut," the producer called.

Darcy slumped, shaking her head with a groan. "Damn them."

"They're the other group?" the agent hissed at her. She nodded. "Why?"

"I don't know. I don't really truly care," she admitted. "I just hope they go away soon because I'm not the sort to give in to idiots. Especially not fear raising, hate mongering idiots." She took off her microphone and took back her thumbnail drive and papers. He took them back with a smile. "Sure." She pocketed the thumbnail drive with a smile and headed back to the green room to grab her purse.

The host looked at the agent. "Can she?"

"There's hope," he admitted. "I'm hoping her former friends get it done first."

"True, it's possible." They went back to their own rooms to clean up and leave.

Darcy walked out with her phone to her ear, looking around for her hired car. No car. She winced, looking at the guard. "My hired car?" she asked him.

"No idea, Miss." He moved closer. "Who're you?" She held up her pass. "Oh, you're just off camera." He took a swing at her and she kicked him in the stomach, making him hiss and get back up.

"HELP!" she yelled. People came running. He attacked her again. Darcy put her phone into her pocket as she moved away from his swing.

"Hail HYDRA," he sneered before running off.

Darcy panted, staring at his back. Someone patted her and she flinched, looking at him. "Doug?"

"Darcy," he said with a nod and a smile. "Are you okay? I was up the row when he attacked you."

"Yeah, I'm okay. He only hit my arm when I blocked." She took a deep breath. "Damn it."

He nodded. "Let me have the real security guards check on your car."

"Please," she said, looking around. "I hired a bodyguard for this."

"It's a shame you need one." He called someone. "It got sent away by the lot security. I can give you a ride to your hotel."

Darcy looked at him. "I hired a bodyguard, Doug. That would violate the contract I signed with them. But thanks. It was good to see you again. Are you on facebook? We can catch up some night."

"We can go out to dinner."

She shook her head. "I'm flying out in four hours to go back to Chicago."

"Pity." He patted her again. She went limp against him. He looked at the others, who were his team.

"Freeze," a real guard ordered. "We saw that." They got shot at and called that in. Then suddenly there was a gas canister and commandos. Darcy got taken from the choking people. The guard got in their way.

"I'm her bodyguard," one said, smiling at him, holding up his letter. "It's okay. I'm going to take her to the alley and make sure she wakes up."

"We have an on-site paramedic," the guard said, calling that in. The others were coming out of it so he led them there. They pulled Darcy inside to check her over. One of the paramedics shot the guard and the commando with tranq darts then his partner when he started to protest.

"Hollywood PD," a male voice said, walking into the trailer with his gun up. "Put it down." The paramedic stepped back with his gun raised and other hand up. "Put it down now!" He dropped the gun and it went off. Into the bed. The officer hauled him out to handcuff him and called that in. That got them some help. He kicked the commando awake. "I thought you were dead," he said bluntly.

"It was that damn arms dealer that did that," he said. "Not us. He shot down the chopper and had us declared traitors." He sat up, rubbing his head. "I hate sedative darts."

"Uh-huh." He stared at him. "So what are you doing here?"

"I'm Darcy's bodyguard tonight. She has nice people like HYDRA after her."

"Damn." He stepped back. "The others?"

"Waiting at the hotel," he admitted. "Pooch's around here somewhere to back me up. He showed up when they called the show she was on."

"Fuck. All right, take her and go. I can tell you most of the ER's around here are overcrowded. Can you handle it?" He nodded, getting up with a moan. Pooch ran in to help him. "Nice to see you're alive too, Pooch."

He punched him on the arm. "If we could get Max down, we'd be alive again to everyone."

"I heard, man. Good luck."

"Thanks," Jensen quipped. "We might need it." They carried Darcy out and to the rental car, taking her back to the hotel.

The officer got backup there and had them arrest the ones that needed it up the street and these ones that had started to kidnap the young woman. He explained that her bodyguards had removed her to keep her safer. They could talk to her in the morning. The host of the show she had been on stomped out to talk to them about what had happened. He got really pissed and released the transcripts from that night in case it helped.

***

Darcy woke up to a poke, groaning and holding her head. "I hate sedatives." She sat up and heaved but kept it down. "Gross." She blinked, looking at Clay. "Am I okay or am I going to wonder why I'm missing parts?"

"You're not missing anything you weren't already missing." He helped her adjust herself. "You better?"

"Maybe?" She blinked at him. "Was it a nightmare?" He shook his head. "Was it HYDRA?"

"At least some of them. One of the responding officers was a fellow commando and let us bring you out before you got taken to a hospital."

"Okay," she said. "Thank him for me?"

"Yeah, I can do that, kid." He handed her a bottle of water. "You okay?"

She blinked at him as she sipped. "Did HYDRA really call in?"

"Yup," Jensen said with a nod. "Huge idiots or trying to install fear and scare the others who called in."

"Great." She took a sip. "Do I have to stay extra?"

"Probably an extra day," Clay said. "We called Shelly to warn her but she was watching and was horrified at the ones who called in." She grimaced but nodded while sipping again. "You gonna be okay if we go into the other room?"

"I might puke but I can hold my own hair. I had many nights of drinking in college, guys. Thank you." She got up to hug Jensen and Pooch. Then the others. "You guys are really special guys." She went to the bathroom to wash her face off.

The guys went into the living room. "Congrey find us yet?" Clay demanded.

"He called," Cougar said, holding up the message. "He recognized the grunt." He held up two more. "Clint's mad. So's Stark."

Darcy leaned out. "Why is Stark mad?" She came out to get the notes. "Awww, but suck it." She went back to the bathroom. Clay laughed a bit but she knew her own mind on those things. She'd call them later. After she was more awake and less pukey.

Cougar shook his head, looking at Jensen. "She's like your sister would be," he said in Spanish.

Jensen grinned and nodded. "She is. It's cute on her too."

Clay shook his head with a sigh. "Don't get attached."

"I'm not."

"Good." Clay looked at Pooch.

"I agree, she's mouthy like Jensen is," Pooch said. Darcy came out to raid the mini fridge. "You're going to pay five bucks for a water? There's a machine up the hall."

"Am I allowed in the hall?" she asked.

"Yeah, you can go to the machine, kid," Clay said. "We can watch from the doorway." She put the water back and went up there to get some water and came back trudging while drinking with someone nagging behind her. Clay glared at that one. "Who're you?" he demanded.

"My highschool girlfriend," she said, walking her inside to talk to her.

Clay blinked but nodded. "Okay then." He shut the door, not seeing people coming off the elevator but something made him reopen it. "Aw, fuck," he muttered. "That's Roque." The guys armed up and Jensen went to move Darcy and her former girlfriend.

Darcy stormed out to get into his face. "I've faced down the Hulk three damn times," she sneered. "I'm sick, I'm tired, and I'm being hunted by things that's a nightmare for most everyone. Back the fuck down until I'm out of here or I'll make your little Max friend a pitiful goddamn wreck."

"You're just a girl," he sneered.

Darcy zapped him. "Yeah, I'm a girl with the personal number of SHIELD agents. Watch me call them again." He backed off, hands up. His people backed off with him. "I'm not part of your shit. I don't want to be part of your shit. So back the fuck down and go the fuck away until they're not under contract protecting me from slime like HYDRA and those who wanted to kill me for daring to protect myself. Before I make a few more calls." Roque glared but waved his people to leave. "Good idea. Now, anything you wanted to ask about?"

"You've made a powerful enemy, little girl."

She sneered back. "I have fucking HYDRA looking for me, dude. Seriously, yours is a pussy compared to that." The guy winced. "I need these guys more than you need a pissing match. Which I'd win anyway because urine is a good conductor of electricity." She stared at him. "You're not shit compared to staring down the Hulk. Got it?"

He nodded and stomped off. "I'll talk to them once there's not civilians."

"Thanks." She waved at his back. "On the way, go screw someone, it'd make that growl disappear for a bit. Then you might be able to think for yourself for a change." She stared at him. "Have a great life, dude." He glared again but huffed off. He wasn't going to mess with HYDRA. She looked at Clay, who was giving her an amused look. "What?" she demanded. "He's not!"

"He thinks he can be that scary but yeah, he's just a growly mutt," Jensen agreed, walking her back inside. "Our job, Darcy."

"Yeah but you guys can't guard me if you're fighting with him." She called the agent she had on speed dial, Clint. "It's me. No, Jensen and Pooch saved me from HYDRA when I came out and I just sneered at some scarred guy that he's not as scary as Brucie when he's greenish. Yep, that one." He complained to her. "I'm coming down from a sedative dart or something. Be nicer to my ear." He complained some more. "Well I can go looking if you want. Really." He growled and said he sent her something. "Thanks, Clint. I miss you, buddy. You have ways of making this gross headache going away faster." He told her how. "Really? It's not working so far. Yeah," she pouted. "Thank you. Sure, fudge or cookies?" She grinned. "I can do that. Show up, Clinty." She hung up and went to get more water and came back to sulk in her room. "Check my email, Jensen."

He got into her email address he had helped her set up, reading what he had. "We had some of this." Clay took it to read, growling in happiness. "Thanks, Darcy."

"Welcome, Jensen." Her former girlfriend giggled. "He's a really nice guy. I need a nice guy like him but I know he's off limits. Which is a pity, he's hot." Her former girlfriend laughed again.

Jensen printed things off for everyone to read. Max's ego wouldn't let him work with HYDRA because they'd want to be on top. HYDRA wouldn't want Max as more than a pawn so they were pretty safe about the two not combining. Hopefully they could get Darcy home without a new incident. They really had to teach her not to bait the bad guys verbally. It had taken a while to teach Jensen that but he could tell her how that was a bad idea most of the time. It got one tortured and other unpleasant things.

***

Darcy got her mail the first day in the office, smiling at the thank you card from Bruce. It went onto her desk beside the one complaining from Pepper that HYDRA had dared to call in that night. She settled down to do the daily tasks, nodding at Shelly when she came in.

She dropped her bag and came back. "Darcy, are you safe to be here?"

"Yeah. It's no more threat than usual, Shelly." She stopped working on the calendar to look up at her boss. "It's gonna be a while before they try again."

"That politician's personal spokesbeing said she thought you should've been beaten and raped. In that order."

She nodded. "She's the same one that threatened to wear a fetus necklace too," she said dryly. "She doesn't worry me. The fanatics that follow the asshole worry me a tiny bit but I'm almost nowhere usually. Here, tutoring, sometimes the grocery store."

"You could work from home more often."

"I can't do tutoring that way, Shelly."

"No, you can't," she admitted. "The principal is still throwing fits about you."

"Yeah, he got paid ten grand by the mayor. Who is a friend of that jackhole." She nodded slightly. "His mistress put it in the paper yesterday."

Shelly winced. "Great."

"Yup." She grinned. "It'll be okay."

"They might not care about collateral damage," she pointed out.

"Yeah but you and the kids aren't worth the stress that the press would bring," she said. "To be honest, there's been some press about the threats and if you suddenly showed up dead or they tried when I was tutoring, they'd be eaten alive by many people. And I'm good enough, and have plans for just in case, to get the room cleared in an emergency. Even if they do have the kids in they're usually with someone instead of in the corner. I go over it every month with the kids and anytime they seem worried they'll ask me to make sure. We have an alarm we put on the main door to tell my phone if anyone else comes in, and it activates the camera."

Shelly sighed but nodded. "That's a good plan."

"Thank you. I actually had that same thought and then I figured out how to get around it." Shelly nodded, going to her desk. "It'll be okay, Shelly, I promise."

"If you're certain."

"I'm certain. I really am." Someone stomped in. She squealed as she bounced up to hug him. "Jensen said to pass that on," she quipped.

He stared at her. "You almost looked like a cheerleader."

She grinned. "Thanks and for the advice."

"Welcome." He stared at her. "Are you okay?"

"Really mad that they called in and then tried to grab me," she said quietly. "How dare they!"

He nodded, staring at her. "They got awfully pushy and even Steve went into fussing overdrive over that."

"I thought it was to remind people that they're boogey man in the shadowy corners again," she said, sitting back down. "It was mostly to raise fear and taking me after defying them by hanging up on them would've sent a message for that."

He nodded. "Stark went into nitpicking details about how you had to come back to New York."

"I like my job and the kids, Clint."

"I know." He grinned. "He's going to sponsor three workers to come help."

She stared at him. "He's bribing my boss to fire me?"

"To transfer you to one in New York," he corrected.

"Just got shut down," Shelly said from her desk. "I told him that when he called me at six this morning." She leaned out. "I promised I had things they could do here with me but that you wouldn't have a job out there."

"I like being here," she said, looking at Clint. Who was pouting at her. "I liked being with you guys but if I go back I'll just get sucked back into Jane's lab."

"Oh no you won't," he said dryly. "Jane's now locked out of the lab for the next eight months because she nearly biobombed the city. That's by order of SHIELD." She winced, shaking her head. "We won't even make you live in the tower, Darcy. Please?"

"What would I do there, Clint? Here I'm making a difference. There's nothing like this job there and I wouldn't be doing the same sort of making a difference."

"There's a ton of charities who'd adore working with you," he said. "Especially with your experience here. They're trying to rework the one like this one. It's definitely needed."

She sighed, staring at him. "Someone's packing up my apartment on me, aren't they?"

He shrugged. "Not that I'm aware of. If so, it's probably HYDRA," he said dryly. He stared at her. "Please? We worry a lot about you and we can keep you safer. That way you don't have to get into a pissing match with a commando that went evil for his version of Caesar."

"I told him he's not half as scary as the Hulk," she said, staring up at him. "I have to tell my kids. I can't tell them over twitter. "

"I brought Scott and he was looking over your safe room set up. You go tomorrow night. We can do that."

"She has a safe room?" Shelly asked, looking out at Darcy. "You do?"

"Yeah. It's necessary sometimes. People can still break in and what happens if we end up with the Purge movie."

Clint shook his head quickly. "If so, you'll need more than a safe room and a few hand weapons." She smirked at him. "You do."

"I know I do. It's in the safe room because I'll probably need it in there."

"True," he agreed. "Are you even carrying your tazer?"

"Both," she quipped, patting them. "Thanks for asking."

He leaned down to stare at her. "We're going to kidnap you."

"I'm realizing that."

"If you're really unhappy, in about a year, you can come back to Shelly." Shelly nodded. "By then hopefully we'll have a good chunk of HYDRA gone."

"That'd be nice," she agreed. "But probably not practical."

He grimaced. "Please don't fight about this?" he asked quietly. "We're all really worried, Darcy."

She sighed, staring at him. "Shelly?"

"You can go tell the kids." She came out to stare at her. "It's probably for the best, even though you have plans in case they come for you when you're near the kids." Darcy slumped. "You can still work from home for me. We can arrange something." She stared at her. "The only thing that won't be easy is the tutoring and fussing over the kids. I'm hoping one of those new three will be the sort to make healthy cookies instead." She came out to hug her. "I don't want to lose you so you're working from home for now. We'll work out any testifying thing or anything like that. You go be safe. It's the smart and wise thing. You can probably find something as safe in New York."

"Yup," Clint agreed with a grin.

"I'm not living in the tower," Darcy told him.

Clint shook his head. "Good idea with all the stress going on around there. Or in the facility upstate for Avengers members." He stared at her. "There's four apartments, I sent Jensen to go look at them for you." She stared at him. "We listed yours last night." He grinned. She scowled. "Sorry?" She glared. "Sorry but it was this or Stark was going to show up in a limo and kidnap you off the street." She sighed. "Plus you'd be able to spend more time with your mom's foundation; you were saying you haven't had a lot of time to do that stuff."

"I only need a few more hours a week for that."

"Yeah and now you'll have it." He pulled her up. "C'mon. We'll pack stuff and cookies hopefully." He helped her pack her desk and let her hug Shelly. "We'll talk to the kids tomorrow night."

She nodded. "We can do that. I'm sorry, Shelly."

"No, it's the smart thing! I'm shocked they didn't do it a few a few months ago." She went back in there and gave Darcy stuff to fill out so they could forward things to her. They went back to her apartment once her things were packed. Shelly was a bit teary but it'd be okay and Shelly would show up for the tutoring time because she'd have to take over for a bit.

***

Across the city, Scott had rounded up the kids at a local pizza place, they were mostly there already studying for the GED test that weekend. "Guys." He slid into a chair, staring at them.

One of the girls looked at him. "You guys are repossessing Darcy?"

"We're outright kidnaping her," he admitted, nodding some. "We listed her apartment on her, someone's packing her up right now, and Clint went to tell her at work. She'll be working from home for a bit probably but we're giving Shelly a grant so she can hire three more people. Clint's got a huge fight on his hand and I have an ear on it." He tapped his earpiece, which looked like a bluetooth. They all stared at him. "Seriously, did you guys watch her interview?" They all shook their heads.

"HYDRA was the next-to-last caller." They all moaned. "And then she was nearly kidnaped from outside the studio. If she hadn't hired some bodyguards that were super tough, she probably would've been missing for good." A few nodded. "We're sorry. We don't want to pull Darcy and Darcy's been arguing with Clint for a good half an hour about staying. He just told her we listed her apartment on her and she's kinda huffy. She's going to be at the tutoring tomorrow."

"We take the test this Saturday," one of the girls said, cuddling her daughter. "We really could use her, Scott."

"Can I fill in?" They all stared. "It's not like they'll try to kidnap me and if I have to I'll vid call her on my tablet so she can talk to you guys from her computer. Would that work?" They nodded. "Then that's cool and I'm buying lunch."

"Don't try to bribe us," one of the boys said dryly.

"I'm not. Stark got me up at three to rant at me about them coming for her again and put me on a jet at five. I really need something to eat for lunch by now." They laughed but included him since he was buying and it was good. He wasn't as perky as Darcy was but he was just as good and he was still encouraging. He knew that they could fail when Darcy kept telling the they couldn't.

***

Darcy showed up in the tower that Sunday, staring at Stark. "That was underhanded."

"You should've come sooner," he complained.

"Those kids needed me, Tony. They're having their GED's yesterday and were cramming for the test. They've worked their asses off to get to this point and they needed me to help them." He nodded, waving a hand around. "No, not whatever. Scott and I both helped them all week. And really, I needed the time anyway to arrange for a new apartment and selling my old one." She stared at him. "By the way, crappy forgery, Tony."

"We're trying to help. Why are you avoiding that!"

"You're smothering," she said. "Like you did when I was little and you were a teenager." He scowled. She stared back. "You are. I'm a big girl, I can make decisions."

"Yeah but they were all bad." He walked off.

"Maybe but being scared of them doesn't make them go away. They're not bogarts, you can't laugh at them."

"True, if it was that easy I'd do that," he shot back. "They had three snipers in town."

"I know, I stabbed one yesterday." He stopped walking to stare at her. She stared back. "The other two were actually stopped by cops for walking through a barrio with a shotgun." He groaned. She stared at him. "It's sweet," she said quietly, moving closer. "But you're pushy."

"I may be but it was needed. They actually called CNN!"

"Yup, and I hung up on them. And apparently they had been planning to snatch me after that interview anyway since there were a lot of them in place dressed as security guards and things. And a paramedic, which is why others were knocked out." He growled. She stared at him. "Do you need ear scratches?" she asked, smirking at him.

"No!" He scowled at her. "It's not safe out there."

"I'm still going to be traveling for work and stuff, Tony."

"I know but we can get you better bodyguards than some supposedly dead commandos."

"Actually, they've been great to me. Jensen helped me when I was moving, he helped me find the right spot to move to, he got me movers to help me, and who picked up a couple of things I needed to fill the bigger apartment. He set up the specially shielded email stuff for me again, and they set up my safe room setup completely." He blinked. She smiled. "Jensen's a geek like you, Tony, only he doesn't build AI's."

"I didn't think that commandos that had tech ops skills went into the field," he admitted.

"Yeah, Jensen's a full Delta guy. His team's kick ass. Clay was great in DC."

"He's...huh." He nodded and sipped his bottled water. "Still, you can...."

"If Clay has to drop Jensen off somewhere suddenly to hide him, I'm so going to steal him for myself," she said dryly, smirking at him. "And he'd be respectful about it when I kept him in soft stuff in the closet."

He snorted but looked amused. "Sure, you do that, kid."

"I'm not that young."

"I'm old enough to be your dad."

"Yeah but my mom wasn't into young teens so you're not." She stared at him. "I can make choices for myself," she reminded him quietly.

"I know. Quit nagging. Before I demand cookies in tribute."

"I have to find an apartment to cook."

"You can stay here."

"The hell I can." She stared at him. "It's less safe here than if I was in a roach motel uptown."

"Whatever."

"Thank you for the caring, and helping Shelly, Tony."

"Not a problem." He looked back at her. "It's the right thing to do anyway." He smirked. "You still owe me brownies for my birthday." He got onto the elevator and went to talk to Pepper. Darcy protested and it made him hurt but he knew she would. Pepper had reminded him she would and why. So she could make him unpouty now.

Darcy went to her hotel for the night, sinking into a tub of bubbles with her tazer next to her on the tub rug.

***
Part 6 by voracity
Darcy sent a single picture to Jensen from her window, getting a smiley face back from him for it. Then she went to arrange her furniture. Clint had done it for her and things were...a bit weird to her sense of style. So she arranged things and threw quilts of the back of the couch instead of in the closet. She moved her desk completely and sighed in displeasure. She had no room to work at a desk. This apartment was tiny compared to even her first one in Chicago. She got a text message to go to her closet and push on the button. She did that and found a spare hidden room. That was nice and her desk wouldn't fit in there at all.

It was good for a safe room but not her work area. She sighed and decided maybe she didn't need enough seating for anyone but her. She sent Jensen a thank you for finding her a new safe room and asked where she should put her desk. He sent a suggestion to get rid of a chair and the coffee table to put it where the chair was. She took a picture and he made another suggestion so she tried it and nodded, but it meant she had a couch that had to be given away. She went to answer the knock on her door, staring at Clint. "We couldn't find anything bigger?"

"If you wanted to live in Brooklyn, yeah." He held up the bag. "I brought ice cream."

"My cable's not on yet but c'mon in, we can unpack movies." He grinned, coming in to put the ice cream up and help her move a few things around. She ended up keeping the chair and using it for the desk while it was shoved next to her tiny sliding window onto the fire escape. It wouldn't block access but it was funky looking there. "Sure, I like funky," she decided, making him grin. "Thank you." She went to get the two boxes of movies and tv shows, bringing them out. Of course, she had no room for bookshelves either so they'd probably have to stay packed somehow.

He looked around. "You did have a much bigger apartment before."

"Yeah, and I had to upgrade some stuff when I moved from the first one." She looked at him. "Did I rent or buy?"

"Rent, six month lease. We figured you'd want to move somewhere less straightlaced."

She smiled and hugged him by leaning over. "That'll be great. Thanks, Clint. You can help me by reminding me I need shelves." He laughed but nodded. "And I'm paying movers." She got up to get the ice cream while he picked the movie. She brought the ice cream back with his six-pack of beer, earning a laugh and them sitting together on the couch. Halfway through the movie he paused and switched the couches around with her to the more comfortable couch. That worked and they settled back in to watch the rest of the movie and a few more.

***

Darcy heard something and frowned, calling Clint. "It's me. Sit down if you can. No it's serious. I just heard though a weird grapevine of someone in London that Max is out to get you out of the way." He burst out swearing and stomped off. "I don't know, Clint. The source in London is a good one, it's Eric's new helper, but I have no idea who told her. She wasn't totally sure but what I've looked at showed that she was right. No, I haven't asked them yet. I don't know.

"I have no idea of why or anything, Clint. All I know is that I got a head's up I'm passing on." She smiled at his assurance he could handle that. "Okay. Remember, if you have to go A-Team too, call me. Sure, you be more careful than I have to be. Yuppers." She hung up and sent back a simple thank you. She got back to figuring out what Shelly was angsting over and how to fix it for her. Somehow Shelly had double-booked herself for a conference and a speech on the same day across the country from each other. She had no idea how Shelly had done that to herself. Then Shelly IM'd her to tell her. The conference had been moved. Wonderful! Oh, and it had changed cities too. Even better.

***

Scott was pouting as he walked around the upstate center for the Avengers. "Darcy can't babysit," he complained when he ran into Clint. "I thought she would, she said she would."

"Yeah, we just got a call out for her house," he said, staring at him. "Barnes is there and acting weird."

"Oh! No wonder." He winced. "Do we think he's gone again?"

"No idea and she didn't have one either. And Steve's in DC testifying." They walked off together, grabbing Natasha on the way. "Barnes," he said at her look when he pulled her off by her arm.

She groaned. "Where?"

"Darcy's safe room," he quipped with a grin for her. "Darcy said he was acting really weird and quiet but not shy or blushy."

"She didn't mention it to me when I called to see if she could do some emergency babysitting," Scott said.

"We can evacuate her to your house," Clint offered. "Maybe she can watch her there."

"Maybe," he said, texting Darcy that and he hadn't known about Barnes when he asked. She sent one back and he sighed, showing it to Clint.

"Sure, quin jet it is instead of a helicopter," he decided, heading for one to start takeoff procedures. Natasha made sure they had tranquilizers on board. Scott made sure his suit was on there, just in case. It didn't take more than twenty minutes to get to the city in the quin jet and they had parking spots near Darcy's apartment. By the time they got there, Barnes was free, Darcy was locked in the bathroom humming as she did her nails, and Barnes was in a foul mood.

"I'm not triggered," he said, stomping back to the safe room. Scott took one of the tranq darts and shrank, running after him so he could sneak inside and dart him suddenly.

Natasha knocked on the bathroom door, letting Darcy know she could open it. The girl had her hair in a messy pony tail, like it had been pulled, and had a black eye. Clint touched it and came off with smudged dirt. He held it up. She held up the container. "I didn't know bruise cremes came in black."

"It's got some sort of wood ash to help bring up the blood. The stuff works well." She wiped it off to show him. "He and two thugs jumped out of the SUV. One of them grabbed me by the hair and James nicely turned around to hit them then stalked toward me with that murder strut as they call it online. So I ran up here and he followed. He's clearly not normal."

"No, he's not," Natasha agreed. "Does that work well?"

"Yeah. It also helps clot. I got it from some west coast hippies when I was in LA and looking to cover up a bruise from someone in the airport's elbow." She let her see the jar.

"Huh." She nodded. "That's nice. Ice could help."

"I'm going to start tutoring tonight."

"No wonder you couldn't babysit," Clint quipped. Scott opened the safe room door, the only way it opened was from the inside, and came out with a clearly knocked out Barnes behind them. "She can bring Cassie to tutor."

"Ummm." He winced. "The kids here are a lot more rough, Darcy."

"I know." She stared at him. "I'm not scared. They went thug to be safe and to be protected. That doesn't mean they can grow up and go do other things with only lip service to the old ways since they're not eighteen."

"Point," he agreed. "Keep your emergency button on you?"

"The HYDRA guys had it. One grabbed it when the other grabbed my hair. He has my whole purse actually."

Clint called someone and it was brought to him by a SHIELD agent. "Thanks. I knew you guys were raiding today."

"Well, gee, that would've been nice," Darcy said. "They would've brought me back just after they left." The lower agent spluttered but Clint nodded.

"Quite probably because no one would expect them to be doing that today with that raid," Natasha agreed. "Since it was spilled online that SHIELD vehicles were heading somewhere as a group." She looked at the lower agent, who huffed but left. "It's sad they had to scrape the barrel so hard," she said in Russian, cracking Clint and Darcy up. Scott gave her a 'tell me too' look. So Natasha repeated it.

"They had to squeeze the wood to get the pulp out," Scott said dryly, taking off his helmet. "Because some of them have to be wood pulp with how stupid they are."

Clint nodded. "I do feel sorry for them. Sometimes." Barnes groaned. "Let's get him back with us. Be safe, Darcy, and text us when you're due home."

"I'm going at seven, I'm there for three hours, might stop to get coffee or breakfast on the way so I'll be home by midnight," she said with a nod.

"Okay, I can stay up that late." He helped Natasha carry Barnes out and down to the car they had driven over. Barnes was waking up. "Stay still," he ordered. "We're taking you back to the facility."

"No! She's mine!" He struggled but Natasha nerve jabbed him.

"Damn it, he's still triggered," Clint muttered. Scott stuck him with a second tranq dart. "Thanks." They loaded him into the trunk under Natasha's glare and went back to the jet to go back to the facility.

Darcy settled in to make sure she had clean jeans and a t-shirt plus a good jacket, and then checked her tazers she'd be bringing later. And the cute little bra-mounted pepper spray that shot off when someone touched the pressure keys that went into her bra on each side.

***

Clint stared at his phone the next morning. "Okay," he said, texting her back. "Sorry, I got hit by Bruce's tea," he admitted. "Nat stayed up. Nat, did you check on Darcy?" he called. He was on the main lounge's couch, she was somewhere nearby. Or FRIDAY would tell her.

"I did," she admitted. "They tried to menace her so she patted one on the cheek and told him he was a cute puppy but she liked cats more. The thugs laughed but she settled in to tell them how her former program had worked and how she was doing tutoring for GED classes, it was expected to be under a peace truce, and she didn't put up with stupid shit but she welcomed light hearted fun.

"Plus how she had accepted the little kids they had to take care of in the class too because it meant they got read to and taught that education was a good thing." She came out of the kitchen, handing him a cup of coffee. "She also pointed out how many more things you could do when you had at least a GED and it was a good stepping stone. Even if you didn't plan to go on from the point where they were, a GED meant that you had accomplished something in your life that a lot of others hadn't.

"They glared about that point but she told them the facts of where she had been working and how many dropouts they had. The locals agreed they had higher because the schools in the city are worse funded. She agreed and said she was open to tutoring very often because right now she was still looking for a new job and after she found one it'd be at least three days a week. They agreed that would be fine and most of them had siblings that had been trapped and needed out of their lives to be safe.

"She agreed that was a great start because with a GED they could go to community college, start in a better class of job than fast food, or even try the military if they wanted." She showed him the text message she had been reading from. "A few didn't like it and one threatened her so she pepper sprayed him and said she didn't take no shit from anyone."

Clint grinned. "It's good she's still spunky. Did they figure out who she was?"

"One did. Her later text message said one of the girls had paused her after the meeting to tell her thank you for sticking up for girls protecting their own assets." She showed him that one.

He smiled. "That's good." He sat up to drink his coffee, wincing some. She handed over a tylenol. "Thanks." He drank it with the full cup of coffee, getting up to get another one.

Natasha shook her head. Darcy was clearly interested in making a good change in people's lives. Thankfully she might be more protected now.

***

Darcy looked at the guys who had her hostage, had gotten her on her way out for danish that morning. "Why do you care that I'm tutoring kids to get their GED's?" she asked bluntly.

"We don't," the one sneering at her said. "You're just worth a lot to someone."

"Most of my family's dead," she said dryly. "So you're talking to the only one who could pay you a ransom. All I have are a few stepaunts left." She tried to shrug.

"We can do that but I heard others might want you too," he sneered. "Until then we can have some fun." He grabbed her chest and got pepper sprayed.

Darcy coughed a bit, then spit off to the side. "No thank you. Because I'll kill your ass when I get free." The others were laughing. "Not like I haven't before, guys." And that was a bad day for her, but yay, she could handle this. They may have her tazer, her gun was still hidden and near her hands anyway with the way they were tied. The guy that got pepper sprayed came back and slapped her hard enough to knock her on her side. He spotted her gun and sneered, grabbing it.

"What's this, little girl. Do you have a license for this?"

"Yeah, I have allowance for it by the FBI personally because I have a few death threats on me," she admitted. "Not that they'll pay you either. They'd just kill us all and have fun with it." She stared at him. "Anything else you wanted to know?" He kicked her in the stomach. "Well, good thing that only hurt a bit." One of the ropes was loose and she was getting free. Then the cops stomped in. "Help," she called. "Before I have to quote Monty Python please." They stomped in to grab all of the thugs. One of them helped by untying her hands and she got up and kicked one of them in the chest then slugged him. "And that's for the rape attempt, mother fucker."

"Girls like you swear?" he sneered. He spat some blood.

"Girls like me, we call in people to so we only have to swear." He stared up at her. She smirked evilly. "And then we go to your hideout and tell your guys there how you went bitch and cried and begged the cops." The others hissed. "Then we help ruin them as well because I've never been rude to anyone who wasn't rude first. My mother taught me right." He struggled to get up.

"Ma'am, please quit baiting him," an officer said, walking her off. "Are you all right?"

"No," she admitted. "He has my gun, which is licensed, and my tazers, which are allowed by the FBI due to death threats. They decided to take me hostage because they thought someone might pay ransom for me."

"You don't look like a celebutante," one of the cops joked.

"Hell *no* I've never been that brainless," she said with a glare.

"You're the lady that popped that politician," one realized. Darcy nodded with a grimace. "Oh, crap. You're in Chicago?"

"I got moved by blackmail from my friends," she said bluntly. "I'm still doing charity work and I'm still tutoring people who need their GED's to get somewhere in life. Which was their original problem." She glared at them. "I'm good at making people sorry, dears. Sorry about your lives." She smiled and waved. "Have fun with that in prison since you're all bitches." One struggled to get to her but she kicked him when he got free of the officer. He went down with a groan, curling up around his now-sore balls. "I'm sure they'll love to ice that for you in jail," she said dryly. "Tell them I said hi." She waved.

"Ma'am," another officer complained.

"Sorry but I'm that sort of woman." She looked at the officer questioning her and moved him. "Shit! Move!" They moved out of the way of the spray of bullets through the window from the attempted drive by. "Mother fuckers," she muttered, glaring out there. "Sorry, guys, I only saw the windows come down and a gun barrel. Green four door with a rusty back plate over the wheel." An officer called that in and the officer escorted her home. Just in case. She was muttering about who it could have been this time. The officer was giving her weird looks but he could handle it and they probably wouldn't go after him again if she wasn't there.

"Ma'am, can you stay inside for a few days," the officer asked as he walked her to her door.

"No, I can't. I have things I've promised to do and if you give in to fear, they just grow stronger. If you act scared they win." She opened her door. "They shouldn't try it again if that was about me. Thank you for the help and the saving earlier, Officer." She went in and locked her door, leaning on it. She stared at the guy on her couch. "Hey, Phil." She put her purse down. Her tutoring kid was there staring at her. "Sorry, I went out for danish and ran into stupid."

"I, um, heard someone was going to try something."

"Yeah, they tried for a bit. I would've managed to get free even if the PD hadn't shown up, and then someone showed up to drive by them." She got them both some water, handing him a bottle before sitting on her chair. "So, you came to warn me?"

"Yeah, I did," he admitted, staring at her. "Why do people want you?"

"My bimbo whore of a former stepmother still has a death threat on me because I got her arrested for poisoning and killing my father. There's a few guys at the college I went to that thought women being able to protect themselves made them less macho. The politician dude that's still worthless tried to put a hit out on my life for telling him no." The late teen winced but shook his head. "Yeah, I know he lives here somewhere. He can stay in his shiny gold plated apartment sucking the life out of his newest bought trophy wife." She looked at him. "Thank you for trying to warn me. It's sweet of you."

"Yeah, you're welcome." He sipped the water. "That's not normal."

"It's got lemon in it. It's all I could find on the way home last night." She grinned at him. "It's cool though. A bit different but different experiences can help stop the boring in your life."

"Have you ever lived hard?"

"I ran away. I made it two weeks avoiding the pimps in LA." She looked at him. "I admit I grew up unconcerned about things." He grimaced. "We weren't truly greatly rich but we were comfortably enough that we didn't worry about sudden bills. My dad was a tv show producer."

"So you got to see a lot of kids that just got forgotten but weren't living hard," he said.

She nodded. "A lot of those. A fourth of my graduating class in high school has been to rehab for more than being fashionable." He grimaced but nodded. "And a few have went to jail for the same reason. As Whitney said 'crack is whack' and rich kids get higher level drugs. We had one teacher that OD'd in class. She thought her noon bump was cut more than it was. It was a lot more pure than she thought and a few of my fellow students knew what to take to bring her back from the OD from the illegal drugs." She stared at him for a minute. "Just because life was easier doesn't mean it's any less screwed up, filled with drugs and alcohol, and people aren't just as soulless. It's only we have more things to buy to show off. Our bling is bigger and shinier. And sometimes more subtle." She looked up a picture on her phone. "That's a piece of crown jewelry. What people like my mother grew up with. She married down into Hollywood from a banking family." She let him see it.

"That's very...boring looking."

"Yup, and worth probably three mil."

He handed the phone back. "For ours, you show it."

"Yeah, I've seen that. And fixed a few chains in my day." She smiled. "New money buys. Old money doesn't have to buy because we're secure in it. The same as new money buys limos. Old money buys safe cars with a driver and a nice backseat."

"We'll never be old money."

"You'll never be old money this generation," she corrected. "Even my mom's people started out poorer. I'm told that they were merchants. So they bought stuff and sold it higher, and they invested that money into their business so their kids could take it over, and build more wealth, and on and on until one ended up running a saloon bank during the gold rush years. Old money takes generations. You gotta work for it at first and make sure your heirs know that they'll probably have to build it up too, but any wealth is that way. Everyone who has money now had someone who worked for it. A lot of them don't understand that."

"So you're going to marry well?" he joked.

"No, I don't need to. I need to invest," she said dryly, smirking some. "I'm at the point where I can do what I feel is right for the world and not have to worry about being paid for it. Then again, I spent five years as an unpaid intern to a woman that became my best friend too." He blinked at her. She smiled. "I made sure I wouldn't run out of things."

"Then why are you living here?" he demanded. "It's tiny and dark."

"When I got...talked into moving back to New York by a few friends, meaning they moved me and then told me." He burst out laughing. "Seriously. Due to the death threats." She shrugged and sipped her water, looking at it. "Raspberry. Okay." She took another drink and put it down. "I'm thinking about moving somewhere bigger and maybe a bit brighter but more windows means more chance of someone killing me. I would like at least an office though. I need somewhere to put my books and movies."

He looked at her. "That's weird."

"Yeah, but I like my books. Most of them are even textbooks."

"Wow." He shook his head. "We have libraries."

"I donate a lot to libraries but if they don't want it, they sell it to make money."

"I didn't know that." She nodded. "Huh." He looked around then at her. "You probably have gowns and stuff."

"Charities do fund raising things that way. Plus sometimes people award charities with money for doing good work. I bought bridal stuff. Less than two hundred each." He gaped. "Phil, designer duds only fit women who look like crack hos. I don't have that body and most designers would hate my body because I do have curves. It's not fashionable anymore. So I find stuff that makes me look great and choose that. That's how real women do it. We find what makes us look good and dare people to say that we're not good enough."

"Oh. Huh. My girl's got a Macy's habit."

"I like some of their stuff but a lot of it's way too uptight for me. That was a whole other social class to mine. My mom's uncle wouldn't have shit on Macy's, he only went designer. My mom bought stuff that made her look hot and wanted." She shrugged. "I personally tend to shop in second hand stores because I don't have to break in new jeans and I find interesting stuff."

"I noticed the beanie. We all did," he admitted dryly, staring at her.

"Knitting was actually my mandatory art class in my undergrad." He burst out laughing. "Seriously. It was that or pottery and I hate playing in the dirt." He shook his head while laughing. "So I have a few beanies and some scarves."

He let it trail off, looking at her. "Could you shop like a celebrity?"

"Yeah. I'm worth more than enough to do that. Why would I want to? I don't have a job where I have to please people with how I look. I don't have to be conscious of that stuff due to the paps or other sleazy reporters. I don't care if they talk about me not shaving my legs for weeks on end. I don't have a job where it matters."

"You don't?"

"There's no biological reason for shaving," she said.

"Girls have stuff that happens if they don't."

"No they don't. Just like you guys don't." He gaped. She nodded. "Same body structures, Phil." She smiled. "Women don't have to shave, and doing some shaving is actually not encouraged because it can cause problems like ingrown hairs, it's just a social construction. Coco Channel created it when she made sleeveless shirts fashionable."

"Women used to shave."

"In Egypt, where it kept down fleas. In Asia, where they were delicate maidens who had to pluck out each hair individually. Egyptian women of all classes used to due to the heat and the flea problems. They also used to shave their heads and wear wigs because of it."

He grimaced. "That would suck."

"Yeah. Women back then didn't go anywhere without their wigs. Much like some older women in church." He snickered, nodding. "They could have a fire and the woman would put on her wig before grabbing her kids to evacuate them. Again, a social thing."

"Huh."

"People like my grandmother make those sort of rules. She never cared, she went to jail a number of times so women could finally get the right to vote."

"She did?"

"Yeah. Got arrested six times for protesting for the right to vote. It's a family badge of honor. My mom lived up to her standards and so do I."

"Wow."

"Some people do charity work because it's the right thing to do. Some people do it because it gives them notice. Some people give to them because it gives them a tax break. I'm in the first group because my mother trained me that I had things that could be used to help people. My mind is my best asset and I can use it to help others."

"Why not become a doc or something?"

"Eww, insides." She grimaced. "Gross." He smirked at her. "Seriously, insides are nasty. I've seen enough of insides, thanks."

"True, they are gross and blood is nasty." He stared at her. "You could become a politician."

"Yeah but I'd hate to live in the public eye so often. It's annoying and I'd hate to play reindeer games to get help with what I need to have done."

"I can see that." He stood up. "Thanks, Miss Lewis."

"It's Darcy. I'm not the formal, stick up the ass sort, Phil." She smiled. "I've seen heros with the flu and bad guys wanting to take over the world. I'm more than strong enough to be called by my first name."

"Sure." He smiled. "I'll tell the others you're not the usual do gooder sort."

"Thanks. Twitter me to tell me what sort of cookies I'm making too. I know I need to bring healthy ones but that doesn't mean they can't have organic chocolate chips." He smiled and nodded, heading out to talk to the others.

Darcy settled in to read her emails and stuff. It was a good day for it and if someone tried to take her again they'd have a lot of problem getting in there.

***

Melinda May limped into Darcy's apartment when she opened the door.

"I'm just heading out," she said blandly. "I've got tutoring in a bit." She stared at her. "Get comfy, don't order anything on pay-per-view please. Or you can come with me and then cab from somewhere," she chirped when she saw the glare.

"It'll take ten minutes, Lewis."

"And I'm already running late." She hefted the cookies. "C'mon. We can talk in the car. At least it's secure." May huffed but followed her, letting Darcy lock her door. They went down to the car and Darcy got in to drive, putting the cookies on the back seat. She checked everything before turning on the car and driving off. "So, why the visit?"

"Why was there a gang trying to shoot you?" she asked patiently.

"I have no idea and are we sure they were after me and not the gang that was trying to hold me for ransom?"

"Um...hadn't heard about that."

Darcy shot her a grin at a stop light. "Yup, sure was. I was getting free so I could make them miserable." She went on at the honking, making sure the light was green first. May typed that into her phone as they kept going. She was still answering someone on the other end when Darcy parked. "Tell Coulson I said hi." She got out and got the cookies and her bag, hurrying inside. "Sorry I'm late. I lost an earring in the sink." She walked in and put the cookies down, smiling at the staring people. "Aren't I supposed to be here tonight?" They all nodded. "Did you think I forgot?" She looked at her watch. "I'm seriously sorry about the five minutes late thing. I overshot my nap." The kids came to check the cookies and settled in to go over what the GED was and the prep test books. She started them on some simpler exercises to see how good they did. A few got frustrated but she moved them up to a harder thing. The test had some light equational math and geometry on it. That was going to be harder.

"I'll never get there," one of the guys said, grimacing at what his friend was doing.

Darcy patted him on the hand. "Never say never. It's only never if you give up trying. If you can't do it today, maybe in a few months you can. That's something you build up to. Or like growing your hair out," she said with a smile. "You get a little today and you build up as you go until you finally get supermodel hair."

He snorted, shaking his head. "None of us are model material."

"You're not skinny like them but you're fairly well built." He smirked at her. "Not hitting on you. Sorry. But you are. It's clear you're working out. Those things are subjective." She shrugged. "Who'd want to be someone so uptight about every little thing anyway? Do you really want to have to worry about a single zit ruining your career because it might scar?" Everyone shook their heads. "Me either. It's a horrible way to live." They smiled and got back to work, Darcy shifting to help a few with their simpler maths. A few needed reading help too but that was normal. "Everyone, the cookies are actually pretty healthy cookies. I usually bring fruit, since we used to work with a group that gave kids food baskets on the weekends, but I didn't get a chance to go out after I got home today." Down the table Phil was shaking his head with a sigh. "Who were they anyway? Someone asked me."

"No clue," he admitted. "Rumors don't state anything."

"That kinda sucks. I like knowing when people threaten me." She got back to work. One of the girls stared at her. "Someone decided they'd like my company at knife point and tied me up then nagged me that they'd get someone to pay me." She smirked. "I abused that notion really fast and was getting free so I could kick them around, but the NYPD got there and then a drive-by."

One of the boys shuddered. "I heard they tried and they got sorry."

"They're damn lucky I didn't get my hands on my tazers," she said. "Because that would've been a mess to clean up." The guys stared at her. She smiled. "What?" They groaned but got back to work.

One of the girls tossed her pencil. "Why do we have to do problems like this?" she demanded. "It makes no sense."

"It's kinda like making you do mazes," Darcy said. "It makes you think about how you order what's important and why it's important." She took the form to look at. "Oh, the train sort of question. Okay, these are easier if you make a drawing." She took the pencil to draw it out. "If you have two trains, on two tracks, because otherwise they'd hit each other and end up on CNN for the wreck, draw that. You have one going east, one going west, and one's going 40mph. One's going fifty mph. The distance between the two cities is ...." She reread it. "It doesn't say." The girl nodded. "Huh. That's weird. Well, we'll look it up." She pulled out her phone to do that. "Google maps said that there's a hundred-thirty-two miles between the two towns." She put her phone back into her pocket. "So if this one's going forty miles an hour, how many hours will it take to get there? This is the long version."

"So forty for this one, fifty for this side," she said, making pencil marks. "Them meeting halfway is thirty-six. No, sixty six." Darcy nodded. "So them meeting there would take just over an hour for both of them. But it says where do they meet?"

"So break it into portions. Where do forty on one side and fifty on the other meet up?" She marked them off proportionally. Then marked the center point. "How far is that?"

"Um...mile sixty-six, which is one hour and ..." Darcy handed over her phone with the calculator pulled up. "About two and a half minutes." She did it again for the other train. "So they're both going to be meeting up just past an hour." She looked up. "Still makes no sense."

"It's to make you think and reason it out, like you did. Now, on the test, you'll probably have a multiple choice from what I heard. It's a bubble form."

"Huh." She made note of that and went to the next one. Darcy's phone got passed down to someone else who needed the calculator.

"This isn't new," one said.

Darcy nodded. "It works and does what I want it to do. Why would I spend money to upgrade it?"

"It's not new though."

"New doesn't mean better. You guys ever hear about new coke?" They all shook their heads. "It happened about when I was a toddler. Coke's people did a huge research study talking to a bunch of people about what they wanted in coke to change. A lot of them apparently said they thought the taste should change more, be more like pepsi. So coke changed the formula completely and came out with new coke. Which no one would buy because they didn't like it. They associated coke with the old taste and couldn't stand the new one. They had to write off a ton of loss thanks to that and about four months or so later, they reintroduced original coke." She smiled. "And then later on diet coke, which is a diet version of new coke." They all stared. "Sometimes new isn't better. It's just new. If it's working for you, why change it?"

"I get that. But it's still dinged up."

"Yeah, I dropped it a few years back while running away from those mechanical spiders. Nearly into the sewer but I saved it." She smiled. "I'm lucky I saved it with how many pictures I have on that thing that I need to save down later."

The girl got into it. "I'm being nosy."

"If I objected I would've snatched it back," she promised with a small grin. "Go ahead."

She looked. "Who's... that's that Captain guy."

Darcy looked. "Yeah, we had been up all night watching older monster movies. He used to really like those."

She looked at her. "How did you do that?"

"I worked in the tower with Jane Foster as her science intern."

"Oh." She flipped through a few more. "Thor's got perspective issues. That's a huge zit on his nose." The others looking laughed.

"I taught him how to focus better after I saw him taking selfies with my phone. Sweet guy until you piss him off. He's also a pretty good dad to their spawn."

They looked at the other ones. "Where's this?" she asked, holding it up.

"Where I finished my studies. That's in Pennsylvania. A small, kinda conservative college." She took it to look at more closely. "That's the science and arts building in the background so that's from the dorm quad. I was a floor monitor for a year because housing near that campus sucked. And good thing I was. The next few are probably girls on my old floor." She nodded, flipping through them.

"She's hot," one of the guys said.

Darcy smiled. "The Asian one? Yes she was. She's still hot, but now she's hot in a lab coat. She went into molecular biology." He shuddered. "And had a small wreck a few years back that gave her a scar on her face but she survived. She's trying some new things to heal brain cells."

"Huh," the girl said. She went forward. "Hey, something I recognize."

Darcy smiled. "That's the first meeting of the kids I was working with in Chicago. Great kids. That's Macy," she said with a point. "She's just turned four a few days back. I sent her a few books and a new blanket. She loves blankets."

"Then why are you here?" the girl asked, sliding the phone back.

"Because my friends got really worried about the stupid going on over there. So they kinda told me I was moving back here. I got ambushed at work and told I was moving back here and that they were packing up my apartment for me. They're great friends and I miss the ones I was working with in Chicago. I still do work for Shelly, my old boss. She's hiring three people to take my place."

"So you're still looking for a group to work with out here?" Phil asked.

"I am. I did a lot of good work in Chicago and I'd still be working there if it wasn't for that problem I had with the death threat thing."

"Death threat thing?" one of the other girls asked.

"Yeah, that politician I tazed to get him off my ass has one on me and so does my bimbo whore of a former stepmother. She's still in jail but every now and then she talks someone into trying me. Not that it'll get her out of jail for killing my dad."

"Wow. That's way tough."

"She was poisoning him. She wanted to be the only heir. Tried to force me into an arranged marriage with a guy who ended up killing his first wife and vowed if I had married him instead I could've straightened him out. Pity but I'm hoping his cellmates fixed him for everyone."

"I saw that interview. It's rough to lose your parents."

"It is," Darcy agreed. "I still miss my mom. She would've kicked my ass good for swearing so much while I was getting that scummy thing off my butt." She smiled at Darcy, shaking her head. "Seriously. My mom was the practical mom in the neighborhood. She baked, she gave advice to the kids who only had nannies. She was a good mom. If I ever spawn I'm super going to be like her. But that's not looking realistically soon."

"When I watched that, that one group called in," she said.

"Yup. And they're interested in how I'd be as a mom too." That got a wince. "If we have someone bust in here, do we know how to get out safely and fast?" They pointed at the exit. "Good. I'm sure you guys know how to scatter to protect yourselves." She smiled. "I also don't mind if anyone's watching their kid," she said, looking at one of the boys. "Reading to little kids makes them smarter and we can start them on a lifetime of learning too so they manage to go do something beyond these walls and this neighborhood."

"I don't got none," he defended.

Darcy smiled. "Which is good. You're too young. You still have your wild years in front of you."

"Nah, had those as a teenager," he admitted. "Damn glad I wasn't the daddy the one scare I had."

"Yeah, I'm glad neither of mine came true," Darcy agreed. "I was enjoying the clubbing and stuff." They all groaned. "London has some *great* clubs. I dragged Jane to many of them to relax from science."

"Why were you over there?" the first girl asked.

"Jane wanted to be over there and I was her flunky. But not a minion because I had self will and made sure she ate."

"Wow." They went back to work. Then one of the boys suddenly stared at her.

"You were there when the elves were," he said, staring at her.

"Yup, I was helping Jane." She smiled. "Scary shit, really. So much scary shit. That ranks right up there with staring down a gang in lower Mexico when I was down there helping an aid group that my mom used to support. I'm not sure which is worse really. Dark elves or Mexican drug gang members. Probably the elves. They wanted to kill me. The drug gang members probably would've sold me into slavery with someone scummy." She shrugged. "Probable death is always worse than possible death." They groaned, staring at her. She smiled. "It is." They nodded, getting back to work.

"Did you ever do any of those crazy white people things like bungee jumping?" one of the girls asked.

"Twice with a boyfriend who was into that. One tandem one where he wanted to make out at the end while I was trying not to puke and the other one we landed in the lake thankfully. I don't have the stomach for that. We broke up because I wouldn't go fully naked and bungee jump tandem with him for the sex rush. I told him it wouldn't have been sexy when I threw up on him."

She shrugged. "He called me a chicken. I pushed him down a flight of stairs and he howled I was evil. His uncle the cop told him he was an idiot and no woman with sense was going to do that shit with him, verbatim thank you, and that he needed to straighten up before he died doin' it. Or before his uncle had him turned into the local minister as suicidal and possessed. He did not like that exorcism a few weeks later. I got asked to testify in front of their board of helpers about what had went on."

"I would've been prayed over by everyone in the church while my mother and aunt went 'oh Lord Jesus, protect this baby' in the background over and over," she said.

"I was a senior in high school and he was a freshman in college. I wasn't legally old enough to go on those trips," Darcy said with a grin. "I think that's the only time the bimbo whore told me I had sense."

"Did you have a housekeeper?"

"No. My mom had someone who came in twice a week to do windows, the bathroom, and vacuum for her," Darcy said. "Even when she was sick, it was our job to take care of everything else. She just hated those jobs so she hired someone."

"No nannies?" one of the boys asked.

"Nope. Mom and I both hate those with an ever-fiery hatred. It leads to a lot of problems for their kids. And a lot of pain for the nanny. Most of my family was very against those unless it was something like the parents had to travel and the kids couldn't or they were going through a messy divorce so the kids had someone to cling to."

"So you guys didn't have any help?" the first girl asked, staring at her.

Darcy shook her head. "No, I had parents who actually did parent things. I had some babysitters now and then. They had to go out and do things for his job and her social position. Dinners, awards, one week they went to France and I was ten so I got to stay with my uncle and his...let's see, he was in the middle of divorcing his second wife to marry his third, who was his mistress. She was a bit bipolar. Textbook definition bipolar. She screamed at me for being there so I told her about these new wondrous drugs that had come out recently then I went to his first wife's house and hung out with her for the rest of that week. That first aunt made sure the others knew about them all and that they could at least be polite with each other. She had given him a son. Who his last wife got drug addicted and molested while grooming him to be her future sugar daddy. He's getting out of jail in about a month I think."

The girl blinked at her. "Wow."

"Yeah, his last wife, number four, killed him." She grimaced. "She got high and stabbed him once too. They had just finalized the divorce when she had him carjacked and killed. My first aunt and the second one stared her down in the morgue with me until she shot herself in the stomach then confessed. My aunt is not the one you wanted to screw with and I knew that. My uncle said she reminded him of his own mother. Who was a harsh woman about women's rights. She went to jail six times fighting for women's votes. And nearly once for stabbing her husband for cheating on her visibly. She died when I was six."

"Wow." She frowned. "Did some women really hate on the idea that they could vote and stuff?"

"Yeah. You've seen those brainwashed fundie women in churches?" She nodded. So did a few others. "Just like they'd fight now not to have any rights, back then the same sort and some higher society women who thought it was crass that women might think about politics, did fight not to have the right to vote. Back then the suffragettes were seen a lot like the Rise Up groups now."

"Wow."

Darcy nodded. "A lot of things got pushed down onto us. Did you know that at one point in time it was thought that women were only incubators for the kids? According to the Catholic church, which was basically the only one around outside the Orthodox ones, thought that babies were in men's sperm and just got shot into us to be carried." She giggled. "Yet it was still our fault if we had too many daughters. One of those things you learn in college is there's history, there's women's history, which isn't always the same, and there's minorities history, which is never the same. We live through the same events but not in the same way. It affects our lives differently."

"When Loki invaded with those alien whale things, rich people went into hiding and hoarded gold and gems," one of the guys said.

Darcy nodded. "It's considered universal currency. You can trade it with nearly anyone. What did you guys do?"

"We put up emergency food closets," one of them said. "And a few extra weapons if we can get our hands on them. What did you do?"

"I was with Jane and we got tricked into going to the Northern end of Europe by SHIELD. We made emergency plans to evacuate people we liked and knew. Jane called her boyfriend to bitch him out for not calling her since he was back on this planet with her. I baked and knitted for a while to calm down and then we went into 'fuck this, it won't happen again and if it does we'll handle it' land so our plans went into the filing cabinet. Some of them got used to evacuate us after Ultron." The kids all stared at them. "I cared more about the people than I did the things. I could replace most things and my go bag had most of the important things in it already. I had to get Jane out of it if necessary. Plus anyone injured in the tower."

"So you didn't stock up on things like food or money?"

"I already have a lock box with some ready cash and my go bag has a bit too. My kitchen's stuffed because I can cook, guys. It may not all stay good for a hugely long time but I also took a gardening class in my undergrad for an easy credit and to get out of gym for a semester. It was a filler but it worked. I'm horrible at it but I know how to do it properly if I have to start a garden. I just really suck at it and I hate playing in the dirt. I support the local farms and the empty lot farms by shopping there and donating."

They grinned and got back to work. Darcy moved to help a few more kids with their word problems. They were annoyingly hard. "Is it true the prep tests are harder than the real one?" one of the guys asked her.

Darcy smiled and nodded. "Yup. Same as the ACT and the SAT are for college admission or the GRE for graduate school is. I haven't taken the ASVAB or MCAT so I can't tell you from experience."

"What're those?"

"ACT and the SAT are for college admissions," Darcy said. "To get into a good school you often have to take the test somehow. If you go to community college, you don't have to usually and you can transfer so you may not have to take it at all or you'll be taking it after two years of community college. GRE is for graduate school, getting a master's degree or a PhD." They nodded. "The ASVAB is for the military, it's their entry test. The MCAT is for medical school. There's one for law school too."

"How do you even get to law school?"

"You do really great in your undergrad, take the LSAT, and apply then hope like hell since there's so few spots," Darcy said honestly. "I didn't have the focus for the law. But basically it's excellent grades, recommendations from instructors who know you'd do great, and then a great test score and move up. Four years as an undergrad, four years in law school, then years of working your way up from the bottom of the shit pile of new graduates." They nodded. "Same thing for med school."

"You could've done that," one of the boys said.

"Insides, ewww!" she said with a grimace. "They're nasty. I didn't want to deal with that every day."

"I get that. It is nasty," he agreed. They got back to work, taking more cookies to nibble on while they worked. Darcy ran out to the car and came back with the bags of juice and plastic cups. "Thanks."

"I forgot, sorry. Bought them earlier so they're pretty warm. They were in the car." They shrugged, they'd had warm apple juice before. She'd worry why Agent May was still in her car later, when she was going to use it to get home.

***

Agent Melinda May walked into her boss's office, staring at him. "She's only gotten perkier."

He looked up, smiling until he saw the new bandage. "Darcy has always tried to make the best of it. Why are you injured?"

She touched it then grimaced. "We had a small realm breach incident. It unfortunately happened right in front of Miss Lewis. And Mr. Stark was happily nearby to help." Coulson winced, leaning back in his chair to hear this one. "For a short time of twenty-three minutes and forty-two seconds, we had two Clint Bartons on this plane." Coulson let out a tiny moaning sound. "Darcy did greet him and wondered what had happened. She and that Clint Barton shared information and she showed him internet memes of himself while she was waiting on our version to answer the desperate text message.

"Though she did get one from someone and noted that 'what, do you think I'm Jane Foster suddenly' back at them." She looked up from reading her notes. "That second Barton was most amused at our fan culture for his arms and bow. And Miss Lewis' list of his favorite things since it included his dog, coffee, and his bow, in that order. But before the cookies and fudge."

"He can have a sweet tooth, yes," Coulson said dryly. "How did this lead you to being injured?"

"By the time Stark got there to happily undo the lab accident that happened on that side, Clint told her he was not with Natasha, he had his own dame as he put it, and she didn't seem to notice his staring at her chest or rear end." Coulson's eyebrow went up. "Apparently, though I did not ask. Stark got there with something to reverse the stream or however they do it and it reopened the portal. Miss Lewis was keeping him busy by making sure that they hadn't had some events yet. Apparently they hadn't had Loki at that time. So she said she didn't want to be nosy or hurt him but in the interest of comparing she made sure his brain hadn't been put into a blender by said chaos being.

"Barton was horrified that it had happened to him here, and possibly in other versions of himself, and vowed not to let it happen this time. She let him see the news reports that had access to classified information about that series of events so he was warned. Stark did put in a warning not to change their timeline too much but Darcy quipped back that it's one possible reason why he was thrown over here in front of her, so she could tell him these things so they could change it on their realm, and wouldn't they all be better off without that incident.

"Stark agreed it's a plausible reason but quipped and said that Barton probably landed in front of her to get cookies. She handed him some and Stark grabbed one too while working on the portal generator. Rogers showed up about then and demanded to know what was going on. He was on his motorcycle and blocked Darcy's sedan in by parking in front of it, and nearly pulled a weapon on Stark because he thought he was the problem at that moment."

"Ours?"

"Yes. Darcy told him what was going on so he told that Clint about his current self's goings on and Darcy quipped something about needing a date beyond his puppy on Saturday nights. Rogers gave her a dirty look for it but she just offered him a cookie for that dirty look that the rest of us flinch from. Stark finally got it open and we find out that they had an open mic basically while working frantically to get their agent back to their labs. Darcy smiled and waved at a few people she knew from the labs and told Stark 'look, it's Meathead from Biology', which made Stark growl at him for the lab accidents that one had caused over the last few years. They managed to get the second Barton back to his own realm before ours died from having two of them here."

"Then why are you injured?" he asked.

"You know how Barton feels about me, Coulson. That one called me your ice princess." He let out a tiny smirk. "Though the cut on my cheek is because I tripped over Rogers' bike on the way to the agent SUV there to pick me up so I could have this headache in peace and quiet." She handed over the report she had typed up on her tablet and had printed as she walked into the building. "I'm going to rest in a dark room and ignore the rest of you for a bit." She limped off, going to her bunk to lock herself in.

Coulson read that report, smiling at the facts. "That's interesting," he decided, calling Rogers. "May I have a report on what went on?" he asked politely. "I have one from Agent May but she didn't note what sort of incident brought the second Clint to our realm, Captain. Please. Thank you for that. Did someone lock Miss Lewis in her apartment?

"No, I'm more worried that the gang that kidnaped her for ransom this morning when she was getting danish will come back," he admitted. "Yes, that's what I said." He winced as Steve Rogers bellowed Darcy's name. He heard her quip back that she was fine, just going home. Rogers hung up as he was stomping over, because you could hear him stomping over the open line, and nagging her about having someone kidnap her for breakfast. "I do not need to know what happens," he decided. "Yet. I'll get a report from her in the morning."

***

Steve Rogers hung up as he stomped over to where Darcy was filling out the NYPD paperwork. "You were kidnaped this morning?" he demanded.

She looked at him. "They weren't great at it. I was getting free when the nice officers busted in there." He scowled. She smiled and held up a cookie, letting him take it. "I'm okay, really. The rescue by the nice officers was even interrupted by a drive-by, but it had nothing to do with HYDRA, Steve. They wanted to ransom me off."

He scowled while he chewed. "It's not a good thing," he noted.

"I know. That's why I went home and put on all my locks and took a nap."

He huffed, staring at her. "You're not safe."

"Is that my fault?"

"No," he admitted, rolling his eyes. "I'm almost thinking you were safer in Chicago after all."

She shrugged. "Not my doing, Steve."

"Uh-huh." He stared at her. "You need to go home and be safer."

"I will be. I need to change a few locks. One of my tutoring kids managed to break it this morning."

He blinked at her. "That door had three locks."

"He was waiting on me when I got back from the kidnaping to warn me."

Steve huffed again, walking her off. "Let me make sure you get home safely, Darcy."

"How are you going to do that from your bike since I can't ride a motorcycle." He stared at her. "I have in the past and my boyfriend wanted me to grope. I don't know how to ride one without groping and you aren't one that wanted me to grope you, Steve. So I can drive home and you can follow me."

He pointed at the car. "Do that. I'll be right behind you, Darcy." She nodded, climbing in and starting her car while he got on his bike and kicked it into life.

"Helmet," the officer yelled at him. "Or get a ticket and you'll have to chase her." Steve put on his helmet with a nod at the officer and a short wave, then followed Darcy home. The officer looked at the ticket. "She gave the tower as an address," he complained. So much for his second boss's desire for her new address. But HYDRA could trace Rogers' motorcycle across the city's cameras. He went to call that in. He could see why the higher ups wanted the girl. She was strong yet perky.

Steve walked Darcy up to her apartment, nodding at the young guy in there. "How did you get in? We'd like to up her locks on her so I'm asking." The kid choked, staring at him. He smirked a tiny bit. "She's a great movie watching buddy."

"Top lock's loose, Captain sir. Middle lock's crap. Bottom lock's not locking at all."

"I'll have that fixed tomorrow. Thank you."

"Steve, this is Phil, one of the kids I tutor."

"I'm not a kid," he complained.

"I'm nearly thirty," she told him. "I'm old enough to be your big sister." He snorted but looked amused as he got up and left them alone. The one in the kitchen came out to leave too when Steve spotted him. "I'll bring more food next class," she called after him with a wave. "If you want something like banana bread let me know on my twitter."

"Yes, Darcy. Please."

"Sure, I can do that." She went to lock the door, and he checked it. He came in to grab a screwdriver to fix the locks. Darcy went to check her stuff, finding it all there. Including her gun and the two tazers the cops had confiscated off the idiots that morning. "I have to hug those boys." Steve gave her an odd look so she held up her tazer. "They got them back for me. It's sweet."

"It is," he agreed. "I don't want to know how but it is sweet of them." He went back to fixing the door. Clint showed up to stare over his shoulder. "Two of her tutoring kids were visiting but I'm a bit upset with things since she got kidnaped this morning for attempted ransom."

Clint looked at Darcy. "How do you get into those things?"

"Don't know. Isn't it sweet they got me back my stuff?"

"It is," he agreed patiently. "You need a nap."

"I took one earlier before I went. That's why I was a bit late when Melinda was suddenly on the couch too."

"Did the other me get home okay?" Clint asked.

"Yeah. He waved from that side and said it was good and he was home."

"Cool. Was he with his Natasha?"

"No, he said he had a nice dame but that they should get a dog. I told him what you told me about how you got Lucky."

Clint grinned. "I'm sure he'll have fun with that." He walked over Steve's legs, going in to check the rest of the apartment for her. The safe room too. Then he hauled Darcy up and carried her into her bedroom to toss her onto her bed. "Nap. We'll watch over you tonight."

"I'm perfectly fine, Clint. Really."

"Uh-huh. Seeing two of me so close together must've browned your brain out at my magnificence, so rest." He went to check her security system. "Do you not turn this on?" he called.

"I have it on all the time." She came to the bedroom doorway. "Isn't it on?"

"It says it is." He popped the faceplate off to look at the inside. "Melinda bypassed it. That's SHIELD's method." He took the clips off and then reset the system. "Now it reads right." He looked at Steve.

"I got asked for a report on the second you," Steve said. "I can add that as a note. She was limping and tripped over my tire."

"Good, she needs paddled for leaving Darcy so vulnerable."

"Guys, be nice," Darcy warned.

"Go get comfy," Clint said, grinning at her.

She sighed but did that. "Oh, hey, I thought the web guy was a myth," she said, watching him swing past. She fought off the urge to boob flash him to shock him. She wasn't that young anymore.

"No, met the kid. Stark's mentoring him," Clint called. "He's a bit mouthy and all that but he's a genius somehow."

"Ah. That makes sense." She closed her curtains and put on jammies, reopening the curtains when she heard a thump. She smiled and waved at the web guy, pulling on her sleeping t-shirt. Then she opened the window. "Hi, I'm Darcy. You?"

"Spiderman," he moaned, trying to move. "I hate that guy."

Darcy smiled and grabbed something without looking at it. Then she hit him with it. He shrieked and fell off the building. "I'm going to pretend I'm MewMew and zap you so hard you'll wish it was before electricity, mother fucker," she called with a smile and a wave. "Don't piss me off. I'm not the nice one." She looked at the guy. "Are you okay? I have a first aid kit." She turned but ran into Steve.

"Captain," the guy said with a nod. "I didn't mean to intrude. I just got slammed into the window.

"Clint, my first aid's in the bathroom closet, can you get it for me please since Steve's in my way?" she called. He brought out the soft sided gym bag. "Get in here so we can treat them."

"I'm kinda hiding who I am," he said, trying to ease away.

She hauled him in by his ear, pushing him onto the bed. "I'm not an Avenger, kid. I do charity work with underprivileged kids to help them get their GED's." He slumped. "Now, I can treat the injuries or Steve can treat the injuries."

"She's more gentle," Steve said and walked off. "I won't look, kid."

"Um, thanks."

Darcy pulled his mask off, closing the curtains and working on his injuries. Then she went to get him a few of the cookies, smiling at him. "I welcomed other Avengers with cookies. You just missed out on my baking in the tower years."

"You said you're not an avenger."

"I'm not, I was a lab intern." She grinned. "I'm super fantastic at it too."

He smiled. "I've heard about you. Jane's complaining she still misses you."

"I miss Jane too but I couldn't keep doing that." She pinched his cheek. "Go home, rest. Elevate that wrist and keep it wrapped tonight. Don't make Steve tell Bruce to check on your injuries. Most of the Avengers go to him instead of the docs because they hate doctors."

He nodded. "I've heard. Thank you."

"You're welcome, kiddo. Have a good night at home. And if they show up here I'll tase the asshole again." He laughed but took off out the window, going home for now. She cleaned up the mess and made a long note for Steve. "Here, for Stark about his mentoree. He's got bruised ribs too."

"He probably shouldn't be out doing his thing then," Clint said as he installed a new lock.

"I told him to go home and wrapped his probably fractured wrist."

"Good," Steve said, tucking it into his pocket. "I'll have Stark talk to him about safety things." She pinched his cheek. "Go rest?"

"I've had a nap today and I don't have to get up until almost noon tomorrow, Steve. My interview's not until the afternoon."

"It'd be safer if you were in there. You never know who might come in."

She went to close her window and closed the curtains, going to read in bed for now since they were so fussy. Men, just the fussiest things ever even when you weren't dating them. She did kinda miss all the big brothers she had when she was working with Jane but this was getting weird and bordering on creepy, stalker stuff. Now all they needed was Scott there to stare at her until she gave in and did what they wanted. She checked her bed just in case he was hiding to make sure she was all right. No tiny red suited guy so she was okay. Because that would be super creepy.

Or she might fart in her sleep and send him into a wall or something. She didn't want to hurt him by accident.

Clint looked at Steve. "We should tell Scott," he said quietly.

Steve smiled. "He'll frown at her again."

"Yeah, but it might be a good idea." They nodded and Steve texted Scott that she was all right again. His one back from Scott's ex-wife wanted to know why that was important. He told her it was a friend Scott had worked with in Chicago. Her 'oh, Darcy' back was telling. Steve confirmed that and that she was fine again. They had made sure of it. Scott clearly took the phone from her to ask why they had to make sure. Steve gave him a list. Scott groaned and promised he'd introduce her to people in the morning that she could be safe around. Steve smiled because that might be a really good thing. He showed Clint, who sent his own suggestion.

***

Darcy showed up at the address she had been texted to meet Scott at. The woman in there stared at her. "Scott Lang is supposed to meet me here."

"Do you need a PI, lady?"

Darcy smiled, holding out a hand. "Darcy Lewis. I work with underprivileged kids so they can get their GED's and I'll find a regular job in a few weeks to go with that."

The woman shook her hand. "Jessica."

"Scott told me about you a few months back." Scott walked up behind her, brushing her hair off her shoulder. "Hey! Don't touch the do. I know I need a haircut."

"You could trim it, yeah," he agreed, smiling at Jessica. "This is Darcy. I'm introducing her around to the lower level people. She used to work with Jane Foster as a lab flunky." Darcy nodded. "Now she's got an accounting degree at the bachelor's level and a public policy masters."

"Wow," Jessica said. "Those go together?"

"I have another bachelors in poli sci," Darcy admitted.

"I know there's some groups down this way that could use her help so I'm helping her introduce herself around."

Darcy stared at her. "By the way, I know about all this stuff. I knew Thor pretty well for a few years when he came back finally. So nothing like this will freak me out if something happens around me and I tend to react if they do. I'm not the damsel so you don't have to worry about me, okay?"

Jessica nodded. "That's always safer."

"She tazed Thor when he landed after being thrown out of Asgard the first time," Scott told her. Jessica laughed, nodding once. "So yeah, she was in the tower for almost three years before she left to go back to school."

"I'm also a champion baker and I can knit," Darcy said. "It was an art class alternative."

Jessica smiled a tiny bit. "That's weird but sure. If I hear about a group hiring I'll gladly pass your name on."

"Thanks." Darcy handed over a card. "Let me know if you need my help with something. I'm not the squeamish sort and I've hidden more than one person in my safe room."

"I can do that. Are you going to introduce her to Gerdy?"

"I am," Scott agreed. "I figured they were at the diner. Oh, this is Clint's cookie source."

"That makes a lot of sense," Jessica said. "He always brags that he got new cookies." Darcy giggled, smiling at her. "Go have fun, guys. I'm not scenic by any means. And warn her, Lang."

"I will." He walked her off, telling her about a few of the bad problems down there. Who probably wouldn't come near Darcy anyway. He walked her into the diner, spotting a few people that were more scenic attractions and one he wanted to introduce her to. "Gerdy, I have a friend you should meet."

Darcy smiled and held out a hand. "Darcy Lewis."

The woman stared at her. "I saw that video."

"Until I got moved via blackmail I was working with Shelly in Chicago with the tutoring program and other things."

"You do charity work?" she guessed.

"I do charity work," Darcy agreed, sitting down. "This is what I worked on with Shelly, and was helping organize a few other co-projects between us and a few other groups." She let her see her list of projects worked on. "Since I got moved to New York for my own safety," she said with a glance at Scott then smiled at the other woman. "I'm looking for a new job."

"We can't afford to hire right now, hon."

"Who said I needed a paycheck?" she asked. "I have money. My mother taught me it was my job to make something of myself that would help others. She worked with abused women. I work with teenagers so they have a stable base to grow from."

"That's a good thing. I heard someone restarted the tutoring center." Darcy nodded with a smile. "We hated that it got funding cut and had all those threats."

"I'm not scared of much," Darcy admitted. "It's all fun and games until you get blown up in a lab so you wake up to the Hulk checking your leg by poking it." Gerdy stared at her oddly. Darcy smiled. "This is my resume," she said, handing over that.

"Oh." She read it over, nodding. "That's actually a handy thing. The accounting, you're certified?"

"I haven't looked into the CPA exam yet. I was really using it to up my own trust fund. I can do basic bookkeeping through tax and all that stuff but I'm not a CPA. If it's something I find I can use on the job I'd probably be going for it in my spare time. I have a few nights free when I'm not tutoring."

"Wow. I know a few people who could use you." Darcy slid over her card. "Thank you, hon. If you're as good as you say you are and seem you are, you're a blessing. We're all exhausted here."

"Shelly and I were too but I had to do it because no one else was and those kids deserve a chance to build up from there."

"They do," she agreed. "Thanks, Scott. I'll pass her along to a few others who could desperately use her help."

"Welcome, Gerdy. We'd like to see Darcy in a nice job that makes her happy. She loved working with Shelly but it wasn't as safe in Chicago."

"The kids you tutored?" she asked Darcy.

"No, they were great to me!" she said with a smile. "A few even helped the night I was nearly kidnaped by HYDRA and some assholes the politician jackhole hired. I adored the kids I worked with. They're great kids. I'm hoping they all get really great scores because they all took their GED's right before I left."

"That's good," Gerdy agreed. "So why wasn't it safe?"

"HYDRA," Scott complained. "And the politician douchebag."

"Oh, please, Scott. He's not even fun enough to be a single use enema bag. Don't give douchebros a bad name." Gerdy was choking but shaking her head. "Sorry, I'm a bit blunt. I speak my mind. I can do polite more often but some subjects just bring up the bitch in me. He's one."

"Good," she panted, sipping her coffee. "Thank you, Darcy. I know a few who'd love to have someone blunt to help them and I'll call them once I find my card file." Darcy smiled and shook her hand then they left together. Scott had been talking to that nice lawyer boy in the corner but Gerdy had just found a gem. She looked back at one of her coworkers, who shrugged. "Betsy?"

"Banger," she said. "He could use the most help and he does work with at risk teens. She any good?"

"She's got all the creds we could want. We can ask Shelly." She walked off with the resume and information, going to do that from her car. Shelly waxed poetic about Darcy and how much she did and arranged for her. Yeah, Darcy would love working with the teen's shelter.

***

Darcy smiled, meeting her new boss that night. "Hi. I'm Darcy."

"You're more perky than I expected, love."

She smiled. "It's a perky day. I had super coffee this morning."

He smirked. "That's good. You work with other teens?"

"I'm formerly Shelly's super assistant out of Chicago."

"Oh! We heard they were doing good with the GED program."

"I did a lot of tutoring with that and I'm restarting it here three nights a week."

"You can't get funding for that."

Darcy shook her head. "Why would I need funding?" He blinked a few times. "The library's not charging us for the room. I bring snacks and sometimes cookies. I have the workbooks we used before run off in multiple copies. It's an open meeting so more can show up if they want."

"I...most people would want a paycheck. How are you doing that?"

"I have money. I have a small trust fund. My mother taught me I was to make the world a better place and I'm living up to her wishes. She started a lot of abuse shelters back when I was a little kid."

"Huh. The woman I heard about doing that...."

"I'm naturally a DeCrith," she said quietly. "I go by my grandmother's maiden name because my stepmother has a contract out on me for putting her in jail for killing my father years ago. It was thought to be safer."

"That explains a lot." He stared at her. "Your mother wasn't real tolerant."

"Mom only knew gay people in Hollywood. Not any in regular life. Then again, she would've hated my girlfriend in high school but would've gotten over it fairly fast. My mom was tolerant, but it was the eighties and no one knew anything."

"Good point." He tipped his head to the side. "Do you have that problem?"

"I'd never make my ex ashamed of me."

"So you're bi?"

"I am. I'm kinda picky. I haven't really seen any women seriously since then. A few times fooling around during my masters but they didn't want anything serious. I'd like something serious some day soon and I'm not against whoever they are unless it's someone like Loki."

He snorted but smiled. "Good answer."

"I miss my wild young days sometimes. There's been no time to go club and get loose and happy. It used to be my stress relief."

"Is Captain America gay?"

"I never asked him," she said honestly.

"Huh." He walked her off. "We run a shelter for runaway gay youth."

"Okay. That's cool. I was more focused on the educational end before and I'm not a psych major by any means but I'm a damn good big sister if they want to talk to me informally and I can help with things like homework and normal kid problems."

"That's a good thing. Mostly we're monitors. We've had some that got aggressive thanks to their problems."

"Because someone did it to them and they don't want to be prey again?" she guessed. He nodded once. "That does suck and something that can be worked out in therapy. Do we have a therapist on staff?"

"We have two. One of them takes the night shift to help with nightmares."

"I tutor three nights a week from seven to ten," she said, handing over a schedule. "I'm good with working longer hours but I need to be able to get to that."

"That's fine, we're used to people who can only be here a few hours at a time."

"I can be here during the day if any of the kids aren't in school and need help."

He looked at her. "We don't insist on school. It's hard for some of them around here."

"I can understand that. Do you want me to bring in my GED prep supplies?"

He blinked a few times. "You think you could?"

"I don't think it's a huge problem," she said. "You can't get much of anywhere without an education. I doubt most of these kids are the sort that can go home if they ran all the way up here. I know a minority came up here because they thought it'd be easier but at home wasn't horrid. I saw one kid that had his dad set him on fire for it."

"Wow. I've only seen a few that bad. Um, yeah, that'd be great. We could use some office help too."

"Sure, I can do that too. A few hours of tutoring makes a nice break from the paperwork and letters."

"We have a secretary to do all the thank you letters. We do need bookkeeping help."

"I can do that. That's not a huge problem. Do you do it on computer or in the books?"

"We try to do it by computer."

"Okay. Show me?" He took her to the office, letting her look around. She frowned at something. "We have a statement here." She let him see it. "Is that a problem I'll have to watch out for?"

"No. That's someone broke in. We're not sure who."

"I can see that happening. I had one of my tutoring kids show up on my couch this morning to warn me that a gang was thinking I was pretty." He winced. "Oh, no, not an issue." She looked over things, nodding. "I can get started on that tomorrow if you want."

"I'd really like that. Say a thirty day trial?"

"I can do that." She smiled and held out a hand, letting him shake it. She saw the big red plus on his arm and covered it. "I'm sorry," she said quietly. "I know a few who were lost."

He nodded. "I know a few too many around here. The city was hard hit and I was teen when that started."

"I was a little kid but I grew up watching the news and seeing the ones that my dad worked with disappear." She patted him over it again. "Let me know if I need to bring in anything special for celebrations of marking off another year. I'm actually a really great cookie maker. I can even give references." She grinned.

He smiled. "I've got one in a few months so we'll talk about it closer to that." She nodded and left, going to pick out what she'd need. He went to talk to the others. "I hired us an unpaid office helper," he announced as he walked into his office. His secretary, his son actually, stared at him. "She's young, she has money, and her mom used to work with abused wives so instructed her she was to do good."

"That's good. Will she set people off by not being gay?"

"Had a girlfriend in the past, isn't all too picky now but too tired to date."

"Even better," his son agreed with a smile. "She can do a lot of paperwork tomorrow."

"She's also offered to work on GED prep for the kids who want it." He handed over her resume.

"Wasn't she the lady that got that politician?"

"Yup. She seems nice. Was a bit perky because of too much coffee." He sat behind his desk. "She'll hopefully fit in well here."

"That's good," he agreed, filing it in the employee file. "How did we hear about her?"

"Someone introduced her to Gerdy."

"Great. That's a great thing." They got back to work and went to talk to the kids when they came in for the night. Hopefully this new girl wouldn't freak out anyone.

***

Darcy's new boss found her the third day hugging one of the girls who was sobbing. "What happened?" he asked quietly, squatting down next to the couch. "Hey, Patrice? What happened?" he asked her when she looked at him. She sniffled and told him about the asshole who grabbed her on the street. "Yeah, there's a bunch of those in this city," he sighed. "Did he hurt you?" She shook her head quickly. "Just scared you?" She nodded. "Okay. That's good. If they try to hurt you, you let us know."

"I will," the young teen said quietly.

Darcy tipped her face up. "Sometimes guys are uncultured animals. We all get that. One that tried to grab me earlier today by the hair got my fist in his nose." The girl blinked at her. "I shoot back at them with sarcasm. A lot. Also, headphones. Even if you're not listening to anything, having them on makes them think you can't hear them. It's not safe to walk around with them playing music thanks to all the crunchy mugger sorts, but if you're wearing headphones they tend to give up faster. Also, don't look at them. If you give them attention they'll eat it. That's their food source. Like giving vampires blood."

Patrice straightened up, nodding. "I get that."

"Also, try to run in packs. They're less likely to try their shit on a girl that's in a group of more than three. Duos can still get it but trios don't. Duos also get asked if they're together and can the idiots watch. I got that a few times with some friends who were female." She wiped the girl's cheeks off. "There's men like that everywhere. They just don't have anything better to do in this city so they congregate. If you and the other girls keep track, they can probably track where they are so you can avoid them if you want to try. They don't tend to range far from their own stoops."

"I can talk to them about it, though they won't like it. They'll think I'm weak."

Darcy tipped the girl's face up again. "I get the same damn thing. They're just too stupid to see that we're more than pretty. Men like that are wastes of their mother's time. You're thirteen, you shouldn't be more than scared of them at your age unless you've been taking martial arts since you were a baby. Being scared is nature's way of telling you that shit's gotten bad and it's time for you to get out of there. That's a direct quote from my mom. Most of it was. That's what she told me when I nearly got mugged at twelve because the guy thought I was fifteen with my boobs." She gave her a look. "If the girls can't see that you're thirteen, that's a slight problem but they're mostly seventeen and older so that's kinda nature's split. Like how girls your age are all about certain things and girls their age are all about other things."

"True. Thanks, Darcy."

"You're welcome, Patrice. I make a great big sister. I was never lucky enough to be one so all those instincts are going to waste if you girls don't need it." She smiled and went up to talk to the other girls. "Remind them I'm going to be bringing in the GED prep stuff tomorrow if they want to go over any of it with me," she called.

"I can do that," Patrice promised, skipping up the stairs. "Guys, Darcy's seriously into the big sister stuff. She cuddled when I cried," she told them.

Darcy smiled, helping the boss up as she stood. "I'd make a great big sister." She went back to the office.

"Most of the girls won't let anyone touch them."

She looked at him. "I'm non-threatening. I'm about their own age and I seem to be just a sweet lady who bakes a lot. Which I am until someone makes me be something worse. The girls asked me about stuff and I told them about myself. They know I'll give out hugs if it's a bad day. They know it's not flirting too. We talked about actress' boobs." She went back to her office.

"Females are so weird," Banger complained as he went back to his own office to make a note in the daily log.

"Yes we are. It's the extra hormones," Darcy called. "Come in here please?" He came in. She handed over her spreadsheet. "This is just from the raw papers." She pointed. "I have no idea why that's happening since that's this thing," she said with a point at it. "And that's...." She handed over the form. "Is that allowable?"

He read it, shaking his head. "No. Who did that?"

"I don't know," Darcy said. "It was dated last month." She looked at him. "I went back six months and there's always a reimbursement form that takes that amount." She showed him the others. "One's a clear forgery by what I've seen of your other forms." She pointed. "I have no idea who that is."

"Did you get one this month?"

She pulled out that folder to look through it, handing it over. "Two." She handed over a second. "I'm not a CSI like on the show, Banger," she said quietly. "I can't compare signatures."

"No, but I can figure it out." He took that with him. "Get this month's done?"

"I was waiting on the donor letters from your secretary." She flipped tabs. "This is this month's in progress."

He looked and nodded. "We have a birthday?"

"Janey's turning eighteen next week. The girls wanted my opinion on how to bake cupcakes. Which I paid for but they filed for reimbursement for the other stuff like balloons." She let him have that form.

"That's fine. We like to celebrate the big ones."

"Trisha's not doing her sixteenth," she said quietly. "One of the girls asked and she said she didn't want a party then walked off to cry in the bathroom." She looked at him.

"Her home was pretty horrific," he agreed. "I'll make sure, Darcy. Thanks."

"Welcome. Let me know and get me that donation sheet so I can finish this up today?" He nodded taking all that to his office to go over it. The donor list went back to her and she got back to work on the budget mess they had while he figured out who was taking an extra fifty bucks a month. Sometimes that was a huge amount.

***

Darcy stepped into her tutoring class, looking at them. "Guys, this isn't for the ladies. Guys, why is it that some of you pretend that women are actually wanting you when you know they don't?" They all stared at her. "Because I had to kick the living shit out of a man just now who thought I'd appreciate his touching my breasts as I walked past paying no attention to him." A few winced.

"And yeah, he looked a lot like you," she told one of them. "Sorry if he's a relative. Maybe he needs to find some reality." She looked at the guys. "You guys don't do that, right? You know that women aren't objects, we're real human beings?" They nodded. "You sure?" They all groaned but nodded. "Good." She dragged in one of the other kids and pushed him into a seat. "Sit there and learn how to be a man from others who have those qualities.

"Because I'll be damned if I'm going to let you harass a girl who's twelve because you think she's hot. You nearly attacked her and I would've killed your ass to get you off her. You wouldn't be the first person either." He flinched but slumped down. "Now, let's get back to work, guys." She handed over new worksheets. "English today. It sucks but they'll want you guys to know grammar stuff."

"She was twelve?" that boy asked.

Darcy looked at him. "Yes she is. She's also healing from multiple cuts and broken bones thanks to her father trying to beat her for daring to look at a boy on tv and think he was cute. Not hot, but cute." The boy slumped some more. "That girl spent over ninety days in the hospital, twenty of them of them in the ICU and you just sent her into a panic attack by nearly raping her for thinking she's hot. Real women don't appreciate that. Hell, even hos and money grubbing hos don't appreciate that! Even the prostitutes that get that sort of problem thanks to their job don't appreciate it."

"She's probably gay," he sneered.

"So? I'm bi. And?" Darcy shrugged. "If she is, she is. Though her fundie parents would probably kill her for that instead." The kid gaped. She stared at him. "Yes, Darcy's had a girlfriend. She's also had boyfriends. She's also had stress relief and even rented some once when it was so bad she just really needed a cuddle and had no one around. I still wouldn't have went anywhere near you even if you were selling it because you're just a little boy playing dress up.

"Do you think you're ever going to get anywhere with that sort of disrespect? Hate to point this out but women make up fifty-one percent of humanity and I doubt you treat your mother that way. Real men treat all women, even the ones that have to work on their backs, with some level of respect. Trying to get your hand up her skirt isn't respectful. And really I should've kicked your ass like the guy I got downstairs that tried my breasts, but you're underage." He glared at her. She stared back. "You can comment back. This should be a dialogue so you learn something. Then maybe you won't want to try to molest a little girl." He got up and stomped out.

One of the boys sighed. "His dad's the same way."

"That happens a lot. We mirror the attitudes and problems we see from those around us. I'm a lot like my mom. Though she probably would've hit him with something. My mom couldn't punch worth a damn but she was a fierce woman and she would've had both of them on the ground and begging for what they did." A few of the girls smiled. "You guys treat women better, right?" They all nodded. "Good! Now let's get back to english grammar. Which often makes *no* sense so we all learn it and forget about it after the test." They laughed but got back to work.

When the boy's father showed up to yell at her she got into his face about his son nearly molesting a child and how he was a horrible boy who wasn't growing up. The man took a swing at her so she kicked him in the nuts. She stared down at him and lectured him quietly about women and how he wouldn't have treated his mother that way and real men didn't treat women any differently than their mothers. He got up and stomped off. He tried to get a cop but Darcy told him why and the officer told the boy he was going to jail if that girl pressed charges and that dad huffed off. The officer finished the statement, letting Darcy sign it then go back to class.

One of the girls looked at her. "They would've shot us," she said.

"The dad or the officer?" Darcy asked. "Though possibly. That's one reason why I did it for the girl. She wasn't strong enough to and it would've gotten her hurt." The girl stared at her. "I'm well aware of the ethnicity gap in what's considered acceptable, Bertrany. I knew that even when I was a kid. It's in LA too. It's why kids who aren't white in Hollywood have to be *so* much better. And twice as much if they're female. There's always been one and it's been closing, it's a lot smaller than it was even when my mom was a girl.

"She was a teenager in the sixties. She was helping with voters registration and those things until her father pulled her out of a registration booth by her hair, literally by her hair, and yelled at her on the way to the car with a state sheriff standing there with a shotgun in his hand. Someone caught it on film. After that, she went with her brother so she was supposedly safer. Her father couldn't say anything about that because it was right after the Selma march."

A few of the kids hissed. "She was doing the right thing and her dad didn't understand and thought she was too weak because she was a woman. Her dad lived long enough to see her defending one of the first abuse shelters from some guys that the cops had told where it was with some privately paid bodyguards. And her own shotgun she had no idea how to use." The girls smiled. "She said he called up to scream at her about it but she pointed out women weren't weak. If we were, the kids came out weaker and weaker every generation. Strong mothers with strong skills made the best mothers. Because we're the ones that influence the kids and teach them right from wrong. And also education stuff."

"Smart moms make smarter kids," one of the boys agreed. "Was she in the south?"

"Texas. They were there for a few years while her father rehabed a company. That's what he did, going in to reorder companies so they worked better and more economically. One idea of his was that female workers cost less, which they still do, and work harder because they had to prove themselves. Therefore better for the company. Which is true, but still a shitty opinion for those reasons given."

The boy nodded. "Yeah. They say girls make like a quarter less per dollar."

"Depending on the field it's as much as forty cents per dollar." He winced. "And it starts right out of college. Someone actually tested that with HR managers and a set of identical credentials on a resume. The women got offered jobs for far less. Apparently having to wear extra clothes to be considered polite holds down our IQ too."

"What?" one of the other girls asked.

"If women go out, we have to put on a few more pieces of clothes than the guys do to be considered polite. Things like a bra."

"OH!" She nodded. "Yeah, they suck."

"Yes they do and the larger size you have the worse they are. I bawled the day I had to start wearing underwire for real because of how sucky it is." A few of the girls nodded and one adjusted her chest since she was braless. "I'm with the ladies in Europe who think that if guys can go topless we have the right as well. It's just that men sexualized women's bodies. Really, they're the same as guys have only ours sometimes give out milk and they're bigger. Though I've seen some guys who seriously needed a bra."

She shrugged. "But at least we're not treated like cows anymore." A few laughed but they got back to it. "I've got to check but next time's history. I'm not sure if the local test has more than US history on it so I'll check on that tomorrow on the way to work. It might mean a few extra history lessons." She put the fruit on the table and let the kids get their own.

***

Darcy looked at her boss about day twenty-eight of working there. "What's up, Bangers?"

"I just got an uncomfortable letter, Darcy. I just really can't turn it down." He let her see it. It was a promise of a donation if they dumped her, immediately. He stared at her. "I don't want to."

"Did he actually deliver? He's brushed off donations he's promised in the past." She handed it back.

"He did. The copy of the check was in there." He let her see it.

"Ten grand's nice and it'll do a lot of good work." She looked at him. "Let me go say goodbye to the girls." He smiled and nodded. "And then I'm going to work on ruining him a bit more." She smirked. "If you know of someone who needs me, send them my way."

"I can do that." He shook her hand. "I wish like hell I had two more of you, Darcy doll, but I can't turn that down."

"I know, and if he doesn't come through, call me back." She walked out, going upstairs. "Ladies?" she called. A few leaned out of their rooms. "It's a meeting, guys." They came out and got others that weren't listening. "Listen, girls, someone upper crust but underhanded just handed Banger a donation he can't turn down but they want to get rid of me."

"Because of that politician's slimy paws?" one asked.

"Yup. It's also why I got bit by a lizard during an awards dinner." They all groaned. "Banger can't turn it down. It could shut the shelter." They all nodded. "So you guys know where I am and if you want to talk to me or stuff, email or tweet me." They nodded, giving hugs. "I'll miss you guys." They smiled and a few sniffled. "Hey, I'm still here in the city and I'm about to go make a *huge* stink on social media." She winked at one. "Okay?" She nodded.

"Remember, teenagers are strong because they have to rebel against their parents and stuff. The only time you'll be stronger is in your early twenties when you're getting stuff worked on so you can adult properly." She tipped one's face up. "You, don't rebel too hard where I can't see it. Got it?" She quit sniffling and smiled, hugging her again before going back to her room.

"Okay, well, if you guys want to see me, let me know. I'll miss you guys." She went to pack her few things and then went home to sulk and sell off all the stock her investment person had said was a good idea. She sent him a nice letter first about why she was going to try to tank some of his stock prices. He agreed it was underhanded and he could help with that. She did get happier when someone, Clint or Scott, she couldn't tell, sent her a donut pop 'tree' as a 'quit sulking' present. It was sweet of them.

***

At the upstate Avengers facility, Pepper Potts was stomping into the kitchen to make some tea. Tony was actually eating without nagging so he paused when he saw his woman stomping that way. "Did our stock plummet again?" he demanded.

"No. That underhanded creep struck again in Darcy's direction. Gave her boss a ten grand donation to fire her immediately." She stared at him. "Darcy's nicely firing back by tanking some of his stock but how underhanded can you be!"

"In his case, a lot. What're we doing to support her move?"

"I've already sold off all ours. We only had a few experimental shares that went back a few years. I've also put out a note that any *good* employees shouldn't have any trouble finding jobs with *real* companies." She poured the boiling water into her cup and put in a tea bag, turning to look at him again. "I don't know why that idiot's even doing any of this."

"He's a classic narcissist," Natasha said as she came in. "It's all about him and she proved him wrong by not giving in to his nasty wants and then telling everyone about it so they knew he wasn't worthy."

Clint strolled in and paused. "Darcy?" he guessed. "We sent a donut pop 'tree' as a feel better."

Pepper smiled. "That's a sweet thing, Clint, and yes. I really want to ruin that man."

"Have someone in the IRS audit him?" Tony offered. "Infect him with a mutant virus?"

"That's a bad idea," Natasha said.

"Fine." He looked at Pepper. "You're much more wicked than Darcy could be. You learned how on the board."

She smiled, kissing him on the nose. "Yes I did." She strolled off with her tea to formulate evil thoughts.

Tony sighed and relaxed, grinning at his teammates. "At least it wasn't something I did this time."

Natasha stared at him. "Thankfully. You would've taken the slap with a joke about her being too tough for you after all."

"I did learn better."

"Pepper has trained you admirably," she agreed dryly.

He finished his lunch and went to tell Jane this newest thing. He came out laughing, going to talk to Pepper. "The idiot has stated if there's a trade mission going to Asgard to set up trade relations, he's probably going to be on it."

Pepper looked up at him. "Really? What did Thor say?"

"Jane told me it was unintelligible even to All Speak, unless you were his mother, and then she'd be washing his mouth out with soap."

Pepper smiled. "Wonderful. Has Thor talked about a trade mission?"

"No. I made sure but Thor's back off-world again."

"Lady Sif's down here."

"Is she with SHIELD?"

"I can call, Tony." She smiled as she picked up the phone. He walked off humming with some dirty ideas. Pepper in that mood always gave him dirty ideas. Pepper called Agent May's phone. "It's Pepper Potts. Is Lady Sif there?" She listened to her telling about the tour of the military base she had asked to go on. "That's charming. You might look up what the great idiot that's fighting with Darcy has done this time and what he's said about going to Asgard for her." May looked it up and choked. Pepper waited through the spluttering. "Yes, then Darcy bought and sold a bunch of his stock to plummet the price by twenty percent. Someone taught her well." May groaned but found what he said about Asgard. That made her growl. "Exactly. Thor's off world so he can't smite him. You have fun with that. We're going to be doing the same thing." She hung up. That was a bit of fun. She had to be evil more often.

***

Lady Sif looked at the phone the agent with her was holding out. "From?" she asked, taking it to look at the message. She snorted. "He would not be welcome, we have standards," she sneered, handing it back. "I will formulate an answer for my prince on the way back. Thank you for alerting me. Darcy?" The agent asked that question and showed her the answer. "Hmm. She does that well. We knew she was a warrior in a few fields." She handed the phone back.

"I'll deal with that as the representative later." They walked on to see what their military bases looked like. The single general who had went up to Asgard had been enthusiastic about their military bases. So she would tour this one. It got Thor out of something he'd probably hate anyway and let her ogle many fit young warriors who were mostly pretty. She stopped at one, touching the marks on his arm. "Does that have meaning? It's pretty."

He smiled. "It's my dog. I lost her right before I enlisted, Lady Sif."

"Dog friends are good. I enjoy playing with Clint's dog friend Lucky." She patted him on the cheek with a smile. "Hopefully you will find a new one someday soon." She walked on. The guy was blushing but that was cool. She was a wanted Goddess of Warriors. She knew that and enjoyed it quite a lot sometimes.

***

Darcy looked up from tutoring lessons when the power went out. "Okay," she decided. "Let's pack things up by cellphone light and we'll go home early tonight, guys." They all nodded and grunted as they packed things. "I've got the little guy. He's hugging my thigh. I'll meet you by the door, Momma."

"At least the sign is still lit," she agreed. "I cannot find my phone." Another of the kids shined her's that direction so she found it and packed it. "Thanks." They trooped out together, Darcy having to pack a few last things before she could follow them.

Darcy ran into the kids in the doorway, watching outside. "Aww, fuck," she muttered. The kids stared at her. Darcy looked. "It's cracking the pavement so the subway tunnel isn't going to be totally safe. Library ladies, is there a doorway out in another direction? We have giant mechanoid crabs out this one."

"We're under a shelter in place," one said. "And please watch your language, young lady."

"I try," she promised with a smile. She leaned out to look then huffed. "Not the Avengers handling it." She looked it up on social media, putting out a report that there were people trapped in this library, tagging the NYPD's twitter too. They ordered her to move them. She showed the librarian, who nodded and got the others to join them. Darcy went to check then waved. "We can get past the giant mechanical panda.

"There's only one and an actual Avenger is fighting it so we won't get hit by accident with the way Wanda's firing on them. Go to the right, run down into the subway station, there's a shelter down there," she said with a point. "Not the one on the street corner, but the one up this way in three blocks for the other line." They nodded.

Darcy tweeted she had ordered them moved but hadn't checked the building for stragglers since the librarians had told each other. They were going to the nearest subway shelter up from the library. Darcy went with the last lady out, hurrying her up that way with a nod at Wanda. "We're probably clear in there," she told an officer as they jogged past the battle line. "Guys, down," she called with a point. They hurried down into the subway. One of the officers stared at them. "We were at the library, tweeted we cleared, the librarians told each other so I didn't do a room search," she reported.

"Thanks," the officer said, calling that in. "Why do they have to come here," he complained.

Darcy smiled. "Because New York hasn't been more than fractured yet. DC and LA are so much easier to break, much less somewhere like Seattle and all the coffee addicted hipsters. Breaking New York is major cred. Do we have a med station? I can help bandage."

"Not yet, Ma'am."

"Okay. Guys, if you're injured, let's get back against the wall," she called with a point. "Any kids without 'rents, hang out with the kids I came in with please?" she asked them. Most of them nodded. "Okay, come hang with these guys if you're here without a parent so we can make sure no one tries anything stupid. C'mon, sweetheart, you're injured. Back against the wall so you have somewhere to rest," she said more gently to one older lady.

"I can handle it! I've lived past every other incident in this city! I can do it now."

"Of course you can. Women of your generation were stronger than mine are because you had to handle more things for yourself and make all the things we rely on now, but I can wrap that broken wrist for you if you want." The old woman huffed but let her wrap it with her scarf for now. The roof shook and a few people screamed, including one of the officers. Darcy looked up. "Guys, no dust. It'll dust before it falls," she called. "Like in earthquakes, it's stronger around doorways and against walls. They have support there." She checked a few more and one made her grimace. "Officers, we've got someone here with what looks like a stab wound," she called.

"Paramedics can't get near here," one of them called back. "It'll be the end of the battle. Can they hang on?"

Darcy looked at him. "I'm gonna have to move the shirt to look, sir. I'm not groping or anything." She looked then winced, pressing gently, making him moan. She got up and went over there. "He's gonna need a trauma surgeon," she said quietly but bluntly, staring at the officer watching her. "There's bile coming up with the blood." He winced. "I need something to stuff the wound with. Do we have any bandages?"

"No, ma'am. I'm sorry. All the official shelters they've put up have been uptown and Harlem because that's where they were before."

She nodded. "Okay. Can you check anyone else for serious injuries while I put some pressure and use my shirt to hold the wound closed?" He nodded, going to do that with a word to his partner. She looked at the signs then tweeted the NYPD twitter again about needing a trauma team for a stab victim in this shelter since they hadn't put any supplies in it yet. She got an ETA of about an hour for the battle to stop. She put her phone up then took off her outer shirt, then her tank top, putting on the outer shirt again. She bundled up the tank top, smiling at the guy.

"It's gonna suck," she told him. "It's gonna hurt. I'm seeing clear fluid as well as blood, sir. I'm gonna put direct pressure on it and use my shirt to hopefully staunch the bleeding. Okay?" He moaned but his hand twitched. "Okay. Let's do this. By the way, my name's Darcy. Who're you?" she asked. He was trying to stay awake. "Just listen to me babble, it'll ground you and keep you slightly awake. We need you to stay awake. This is hopefully going to be the worst night of your life but at least you have a pretty nurse helping for right now. Remember, stay with me, even if you're staring at my tits, it's okay." He snorted, his eyes opening slightly.

"See, I knew you could do it. Just hold on. Battles usually last less time than they say and they said only an hour. Not like the blitzkriegs in London that lasted for hours on end each night." He nodded, trying to swallow. Darcy checked her bag, coming out with her diet pepsi. "Here, I know it's foul but I needed caffeine and the coffee shop was already closed. Sorry." One of her kids came over to help him drink. "Thanks."

"Welcome, Darcy. I've seen my brother come home cut up more than a few times." She moved so the guy's head was in her lap. "It'll be okay. Darcy's one of those people who fuss over others so we can handle this until the guys in ugly spandex are done fighting whatever happened this time."

"Giant mechanical crabs could I guess cut you in half with their pinchers but they don't have teeth to bite," Darcy said. "The giant Panda's a clear knock-off of a movie." The girl laughed, making the injured guy smile. "What's your name, Handsome?"

"Dave," he said, trying to move. "Sorry."

"No, just stay as still as you can," Darcy said, checking the wound. The roof shook again and this time there was some dust. "Oh, come on, guys," she muttered. "Which one was it this time?" she called.

"The giant panda fell," the officer on the doorway called back. "That leaves a crapload of crabs on the next block."

"As long as they don't get the roof," the old lady said.

"If they do, I will *so* find the villain that did this and go kick his ass," Darcy said. "It wouldn't be the first one I've kicked." The kids she worked with chuckled but they knew how Darcy was. Nope, there was part of the roof. The officers got people away from there. "Damn it, I need some super artillery," she complained quietly. "Then we could drive them away from the shelters." Someone fell down the hole but they got up with a groan and ran up the stairs. "Yay, Steve's mad," she quipped, cracking a few people up. "Hey, Cap getting mad crashed part of DC," she said. Dave winced but coughed. "Uh-uh. None of that. No death rattle. At all, Dave. I didn't want to hear it when my mom died, and I'm not letting you die down here so deal with it and let's take a few deeper breaths." He coughed but was trying to laugh.

An officer came over. "Will he live?" he asked quietly.

"I'll be damned if I'm just gonna give up," Darcy told him. She let him see the wound and he grimaced. "I know, but we've got less than an hour hopefully." Someone else came crashing through the floor. "Natasha, I need your first aid kit," she yelled. "Please!" She tossed it over as she ran up the stairs to the outside. "Thank the Gods," she said as she opened it to look. "Clotter," she said, using it on him. He moaned. "I know, it sucks, it hurts, it burns, but hey, saving your life. It only feels good if you're being saved from a hanging from what I've been told." The guy let her repack his injury with gauze and her tanktop. The officer nodded, going to check the others. Darcy looked at her helper. "You're good, Shinin. Want to think about becoming a nurse?"

"That's really hard."

"Yeah, but it'll mean you get to do less dramatic things than this all the time. There's always a shortage of nurses. Even at the lower levels you can get through vo-tech as an LPN or whatever. A year of vo-tech and then you can decide on being an RN at a later date."

"I....it'd pay good," she admitted, brushing over the guy's hair and cheek to make sure he was still alive. She looked at Darcy. "Can I do that while I'm taking my GED?"

"Have to ask them. I know some have a GED program as well. Of course, you're still welcome even if you join one of those." The girl smiled and nodded. "Nurses make a real difference. When my mom had cancer, I remember more about the nurses than I do her docs. Patients see nurses more often."

"I...yeah, I might think about that." She looked down. "He's really pale."

Darcy nodded. "That's from the bleeding," she admitted. "He needs a surgeon pretty badly." The girl nodded. They all looked up at the thump and one green arm hanging through the hole. "Hey, Bruce is here." She noticed the girl looked scared. "Hulk will only attack you if you try to scare him or attack him. I've seen him cuddling a kid who was sobbing hard on her teddybear because she was scared after a battle. Just treat him like you would anyone else and be nicely polite. He might look confused and maybe even yell but he's just out of tea."

Shinin stared at her oddly. "You act like you know them?"

"I was a science flunky for a bit." She grinned. "They forget to eat a lot while they're busy. Or drink, or sleep. Jane lives on poptarts but only certain flavors."

"Wow." She pointed. "He's changing back and his body's starting to fall."

Darcy looked. "Hold him." She rushed over. "Guys, help me before he falls and concusses himself." The officers came to help pull him down and Darcy took him back to her corner. "Hey, Bruce," she said when he moaned at her. "Stay there. It looks like you're pretty banged up and I'm helping this nice guy here with a stab wound." Bruce flinched, staring at her. "Hey, Bruce." She smiled. He held his head with a moan. Darcy pried open an eyelid. "Concussion?" Bruce nodded slightly. "Okay. Then you lay there and tell me how to help this poor guy with the liver stab wound."

"Hospital," he said. She pointed around them. "Oh, hell." He sat up slowly, moving to look at what she had done. "Is that Natasha's med pack?"

"Yeah, she fell through earlier and I yelled to see if I could have it. She threw it on her way back out."

"That's good. The clotter's set up for her unique body but it'll still work on humans." He looked at the stab wound. "That's nasty and needs stitches." He looked in the med pack. "Which she didn't repack. I need to check those this week." He winced, holding his ear. "Damn it," he muttered as he stood up. Darcy held onto his hand. "I have to. You guys be safe. We're nearly done." He changed as he ran back out.

Darcy smiled at the girl, who was staring in awe at her. "He really likes this tea by the Lotus tea company." She burst out giggling and it was good stress relief because she ended up crying on the poor guy they were helping. Darcy checked the wound. The bleeding was slowing but she wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. Paramedics rappeled down a line from the hole. "Oh, thank you, God, whichever one you are," she muttered. The officers were briefing them and one was heading to them. "This is Dave."

"Thank you, Miss. We can handle it."

"I've got pressure on his bleeding liver spot." Darcy stared at him. "Get the gloves and stuff out." He did that after a glance. Shinin got out of the way for him. "Ready?"

"Two more," he said, pulling out more gauze. "What's that dark thing?"

"My formerly army green tanktop. It was the cleanest I had since my scarf went to wrap the nice old lady's broken wrist."

"You sure it was broken?" he asked dryly.

She stared at him. "The area above the wrist joint was at a ninety degree or so angle to the rest of her arm. Yeah, I'm pretty sure it wasn't just dislocated, dude."

"Okay, that's a good reason." He nodded and she moved, taking the tanktop and gauze with her. "That's nasty. And that's bile."

"I noticed," Darcy said, holding Dave's shoulder down. "We've got a paramedic, Dave. So just a few more, okay?" He groaned but blinked at her. She let him have another few sips of her soda. "You survived a giant mechanical crab invasion, no jokes about STD's in special armor please, and a giant knock-off movie panda out to destroy the city," she said with a grin. "So you'll have stories to tell others at least."

He nodded slowly. "Free drinks at least," he said, coughing some blood up. The paramedic looked at her and nodded for her to go.

"Behave, Dave, and don't pinch the pretty nurses." She got up and went into the bathroom to clean up, catching her breath in there. She stared in the mirror once she had the blood off her hands and forearms. "I'm *so* going to kick whatever mother fucker did that and make them beg me to hand them to Pepper," she told herself in the mirror. "Because damn it are they too stupid to live." She took a few deep breaths then went out, grabbing her bag. The paramedics were evacuating people. She waved at Dave's stretcher. "Be safer, Dave." An officer stopped her. "Hey. Thank you for the help," she said.

"Who are you, for the records, miss?" the officer asked, looking polite.

"Darcy Lewis."

"I know that name. Actress?"

"Activist and I socked a stupid motherfucker who thought my ass was his playground," she said dryly, staring at him. "I was tutoring some people who need GED's at the library up the street."

"Ah! Okay. Thank you and good form for what you sent. The higher ups said that you handled that well."

"Not the first time," she admitted with a smile. "Let me go calm down with the sacred margarita I've got waiting on me at home."

"Have a better night."

"You too." She walked out and found some army guys heading for a downed Bruce. "Nope, not gonna work," she muttered, sneaking around because Clint had just fired something to block their way. She grabbed Bruce with a grunt, hauling him up and into the alley then to the next block so they could go home. Her car was only a few blocks up and not destroyed for once. It wasn't even stripped for parts. That was sweet of someone.

Bruce got a shove into the backseat and she got in to drive, taking him to her place. She got him upstairs and into the safe room. If someone showed up for him she could close the door. It had to be opened from the inside. Darcy went to make the sacred margarita and settled in to sip slowly tonight while she finished calming down. And then she'd find out which villain had that sort of bad idea and kick them until they begged for Pepper Potts to save them.

Clint smirked as he saw who was saving Bruce, giving her some more cover. He had noticed her evacuating a library so that was good. She could handle things. He called that in. "Our favorite intern has him," he called then hung up.

Stark looked over from his flying perch, nodding. "Not that bad of an idea." He flew off to go back to the tower to change back into regular clothes. FRIDAY, his new AI, was following all the reports and no one had been reported trapped. A few pretty bad injuries but no one was trapped and needed his help yet.

***
Part 7 by voracity
Bruce woke up somewhere weird. He was in a tiny room on a twin sized bed. He stood up and went to the doorway, staring outside cautiously. A living room. He frowned, going to look around. A picture on the wall made him pause, and then he remembered running into Darcy last night. He glanced in the bedroom but she was clearly asleep since she was snoring. He smiled, going back to the safe room. He spotted the button to release the door and knew he'd be safe enough here. Though he did sneak into her bathroom to take something for his headache. The concussions had healed enough to become a throbbing mess. She came in and stared at him, giving him a hug. "Why am I here?" he asked quietly.

"Because army guys were coming for you. Clint fired off some cover so I dragged you to my car and here." She pulled down the bottle of better painkillers, handing it over. "Cold water in the fridge, Brucie." He nodded, going to get some. "Want the couch instead?"

"No, it's probably safer if I stay in the safe room, just in case."

"Okay. I'm going back to bed." She went back to bed.

He came to the doorway. "Did that guy make it?"

"Not sure. Paramedics got there a few minutes after you ran off again. I'm hoping so. I also hope I can find that asshole who made those creatures and kick the living fuck out of them."

"You remember that science guy you introduced to Stark?" She groaned but nodded. "His girlfriend."

"Hey, I can girl fight with the best of 'em," she said dryly. He smiled. She listened. "Someone in boots." He went back to the safe room, locking himself in. Darcy went to check the door, staring at the guy standing there. "Hey, Clint." She hugged him. "I'm going back to bed." She went back there.

He smiled. "Charming offer," he called after her. "But I'm here to gather our missing guy."

"He's safe." She waved a hand.

"That's fine." He went to knock on the door. "Bruce," he called quietly. He opened the door. "I even stole Stark's sports car."

Bruce smiled. "Thanks. Thank you, Darcy."

"Be safe, Bruce," she called.

"I'll try." He went out with Clint, sneaking down to the car so they could leave. "Will she get into trouble for that?"

"No. The army didn't get to track her. They might have by now but I didn't see any watchers. If they are, they saw you leave."

"It could hurt her to be known by us."

Clint looked at him. "You think they don't know she already knew us?"

"Point." He sipped his water while Clint drove him back to the facility they all used. Bruce was rubbing his forehead so Clint let down the windows a tiny bit for some air. "Thanks."

"Welcome, Doc. Had plenty of those myself."

"Remind me tomorrow I'm checking every single med pack. The one she got off Natasha was only half packed and there was a guy there that needed it desperately."

"How bad?"

"Stab to the liver."

"Eww."

"You could see bile if I remember right. It's going to need to be a miracle."

"Miracles happen in the hospital. Look how many kids are born."

"True." He tipped the seat back, going back to sleep. It was a few hour drive.

Clint grinned, turning on some quiet music. It was a good way to calm down.

***

Darcy got up the next morning to someone pounding on her door, stumbling that way. She glared at the army officer on the other side. "I'm too old to join up, I don't like the current military-industrial complex's plans for world domination, and I'll be fucking damned if you step foot in my apartment without me reacting by killing you." She stopped him from pushing his way in with her gun. "Didn't understand the english? I thought all of you were anti-immigrant."

The man stared at her. "You did a dangerous thing yesterday, Miss Lewis."

"Yes I did, I protected a group of civies who were trapped with me in a library until we could get to a shelter, then I helped with one who was critically injured." She stared at him. "Then again, it's New York, living here is dangerous." He tried to push in again. She cocked her gun. "Please, keep trying," she sneered.

"I'm a general, miss."

"I'm a tax paying, one percenter," she said dryly, sneering back. "I have the number to a few senators. And the address to *all* the liberal media sites online." He glared. She stared back. "Say your pieces and go. I'm not in the mood for stupid this morning."

"You took a wanted...."

Darcy let out an amused sounding snort. "Really? Did I? Since that's been rescinded and if you were going to take him into custody, that would be illegal. Especially since your little general friend, Thunderbolt, which seems like overcompensation for his premature ejaculation to me, can't take him into custody the way he wants. The Supreme Court said so." He stepped back, looking alarmed. "Also, be aware that torture and conscription are also illegal in this country."

"We can ship you to one where it's not."

"You go right ahead, General," she sneered. "And all my assets go to someone just like Steve Rogers to help fight all this problem. I'll die for what I believe in. Are you going to? Oh, I'm sorry, your type get deferment from any active war zones. You stayed in the peaceful parts of the world. Real military guys wouldn't be taking someone in to torture. Especially one that they kinda made since it was Ross who screwed up his experiment in the first damn place. Now, you have a nice day, I have to talk to a lot of people online about you....General Nools," she read from his name tag.

She slammed the door in his face. Someone tried to kick it in so she called the police to come get them. "There's a military officer here harassing me because I know someone they hate," she told the dispatcher. "He just threatened my life for removing a victim from the mess last night to get them to safety. He's presently trying to kick in my door.

"General Nools, it's reinforced. I have bigger enemies than you can ever be." She listened. "Please. Just make them go away. I had to calm down last night with the sacred margarita and I'm not really in the mood to do more than harm someone for annoying me this early." She promised police were on the way. Darcy hung up and got some juice, going to hang out by the door until she heard 'NYPD' and then opened the door. "Please remove them before my hangover has kittens that're mean."

"Miss, you called?" one asked.

"Yes I did. They were really rude and annoying and now they're trying to break in my door. It was you guys or a morgue."

"Ma'am, they're military."

"And I'm not. They have no right to come rolling up on me to bitch about anything. I'm not subject to military law, I'm not subject to their stupid moments being forced around me, none of it. They're trying to get pushy because I saved someone in that mess last night who had a concussion."

"Are they here?" the other officer asked.

"No, they're upstate by now. His buddies came to get him early this morning." She sipped her juice. One of the military flunkies tried to hit her so she hit him with her gun. "Don't make me do this in front of nice guys like these ones." She stared down at him. "Make me turn into a super villain instead. I have much better plans than the one last night." She took another sip.

"Can you put down the gun with the safety on," the second officer asked, hand on his own gun.

She did that and came back. "It's in the living room. Better?" He nodded. "I wouldn't have hurt you guys."

"Still, accidents happen, miss. Your name?"

"Darcy Lewis."

"The one you saved?" the first officer asked. Darcy walked off sipping her juice and came back with a picture, handing it over. "Ooookay," he said, sharing it with his partner, who gave it back with a wince. "Is he here?"

"Upstate by now I'd assume," she said with a smile. "So these nice flunkies came to threaten me. They apparently didn't realize that slavery was illegal in this country, taking someone into custody to rip them apart at the seams is illegal in this country, and trying a civilian who isn't under military authority isn't legal either." The general made a grab for her so she threw the glass and then kicked him when he ducked it. She ended up biting him to get free, making him scream in pain. "The shit you learn in prep school," she said dryly, staring at him. She smiled at the officer again. "Can I fill out assault charge forms too? I just wanted them to leave. Apparently the military is falling down on recruiting people with brains."

"Not in my day," the second officer said. "We all had to have brains. He's an officer, they're universally college boys without sense."

Darcy walked out and hugged him. "Thank you for your service, Officer." She went back to her doorway. "Most soldiers deserve a good thank you for doing the hard things while the rest of us worried."

He smiled. "My wife would say the same thing, ma'am."

"Oh, that chip on your neck? It's been known to have a high failure rate. It was in the Chicago Sun yesterday." She pointed at her own neck. "It's sticking out and red."

"I saw. I'm getting it removed soon, miss." He called in for his supervisor to hear this going on. The military was a touchy thing with the NYPD. He blinked, looking at her. "Miss, do you go by another name?"

"Death threats, guys." She waved a hand around. "Including the tiny fingered little troll uptown." She shrugged one-sidedly. "Yes, my natal name is DeCriths."

"As in the investment firm that went down?" the first officer asked.

"That was my uncle's. I turned his partner in for embezzlement. And a few HYDRA people. His partner thought women were open vaginas with a newborn's brain behind it and perky boobs. He really needed a personality transplant. He couldn't pull off the playboy swagger any better than most fratboys can."

The first officer nodded. "I heard about that trial."

Darcy smiled and nodded. That same officer got up to try to threaten her again. She grabbed his dick and squeezed. "Keep it up," she growled. "You don't need this in the military. You're not supposed to be fucking while in uniform anyway." She yanked on it, making him scream. "You sure you want to try to move while I'm holding your family jewels for you?" she quipped.

"Miss Lewis, please," the first officer said. "We'll gladly escort these people off."

"Thank you." She smiled and wiped off her hand once she had been made to let go. "You have fun with them. I'm sure they'll love to listen to you guys more than a woman."

"Yes, ma'am, the local base's superior officer is a female general," the second officer quipped.

"Go woman power," she quipped with a smile. "I'm so happy we finally made it up there."

The officers smiled at her like she was a bit demented but they did walk the military guys off.

Darcy slammed the door, looking around. "I need to move," she decided, going to look up real estate. This was getting way too stupid to stand. Someday soon someone was going to stand up to her when she was pushing them back.

***

Darcy looked around the apartment she was viewing then at the potential landlord. "It's smaller than my present shoebox. Your ad said it was a three bedroom."

"It is," he said with a point. "Three beds."

"That doesn't mean it's a bedroom, even in New York or London. Thank you for your time." She left, going to talk to the nice guys at that diner. Gerdy was there. She bought them both some coffee as she sat across from her with a huff. "I've got to move. My place is a shoebox. I just talked to one landlord that thought three beds against the walls meant three bedrooms." She sipped her coffee with a moan. "Thank you, I needed this." She looked at her. "I know he got another charity he thought I was working with. Do some of them want to use it that way or does anyone legitimately need me?"

Gerdy patted her on the hand. "Hon, that's immoral to use guys that way."

"Hey, if he's payin'," she said dryly. "Which I don't think he will."

"He hasn't your old boss yet." Darcy grinned, she knew it. "What did you do that pissed him off this time?"

"A while back I inherited some stock from his company, which isn't actually his. All he owns is his name like Tina after her divorce," Darcy said dryly, smirking back. "So I nicely sold them all right after I got handed that letter by Bangers. I'm told his stock went down for a bit."

"Yeah and it hasn't really recovered yet," Gerdy admitted, smirking at the young smartass.

"Then smart business people would have their company buy their own stocks to reinflate the price. Clearly someone bought his way into his college of choice." She took another sip. "Any idea on either problem?"

"I got a few. Especially since you're not taking a salary. By the way, I heard about that incident by the library. Good work."

"The getting them to shelter? That's what you're supposed to do, Gerdy."

"It is, doll." She patted her on the hand again. "You should go be young for a bit."

"I need to find a better apartment. Mine's giving me stress wrinkles. It's so tiny I can't even bake properly."

Gerdy smiled. "That's sad, dear. Where are you looking?"

"Two or three bedrooms. Two with an office, three without. I don't care where as long as I can get to tutoring easily and work the rest of the time, and markets. I'd like clubs but I seem to have aged out of that somehow."

"You're not even thirty yet."

"Yeah but I haven't clubbed since I went back to college." She drank the rest of her coffee, smiling at the waitress that was coming over. "Are there any decent apartments in this area of the city?" she asked her.

"They're expensive, you have a roomie?" she asked with a grin.

"I can afford an apartment," Darcy said with a smile. "And no, roomies I'm not up for right now. I'm keeping weird hours."

"You into drugs?"

Darcy laughed, shaking her head. "No, I do a lot of charity work. I tutor a few nights a week as well."

"Oh, that's sweet." She smiled. "You should talk to the blind guy. His landlord has a ton."

"They're not secure," he called from his seat. "But they can be made better. You might talk to Barton."

"I would be he's outtie."

"Figures," the blind guy said, smiling a bit into his lunch. "I can give you my landlord's name and number, Miss Lewis."

"Thank you." She got up to go give him a hug and get the number. She touched something on his cheek. "You need some ambesol," she said when he hissed. "Works wonders on those." She smiled. "I learned that in the lab." She took the card he pulled out. "Ooooh, am I being sued?"

"Probably soon. That moron's getting huffy."

"He's about to learn too." She laughed lightly. "I have Brian Dandiwist as my personal law slave." He moaned, shaking his head. "Exactly, I needed an evil lawyer, not a good boy. But I'll keep it in mind if my kids need one." He handed over the other card. "Thank you. Let me know if you need stuff I can help with."

"I could use a few days of filing if you're that bored," he quipped.

"Actually, I am," she admitted. "Seriously, seriously bored. I nearly pulled out a textbook to try to learn chemistry again bored." He choked but laughed, shaking his head. "Hey, Jane tried awfully hard. Science just isn't my field. Let me know if you really want me to come file. I'm not against it. You do good work for the community too." She went back to her seat, smiling and tipping the waitress for the advice and the refill. She giggled and walked off. "I really have to get a few things across to that putrid slime monster that's attempting to run for office as an ego stroke." She sipped her coffee.

"I know a few others that wouldn't mind being paid if you'd work there for a month or so, Darcy doll. I'll call around you for you while you go file for poor little Matty."

"I can do that." She winked and got back to her coffee. A sandwich got put in front of her. "Ooh, lunch," she moaned. "I forgot breakfast. I'm turning into a science geek somehow." She dug in and put money on the table for the food. The waitress took it off to ring up for her. Gerdy smiled and called some folks who came to get to know Darcy. She was a nice girl, as long as you didn't try to grope her or threaten her.

***

Darcy looked up from filing, smiling at the man in the doorway. "Matt asked me to file for a few days since I'm so bored."

"Who're you?" he asked semi-politely.

"Darcy Lewis."

"I've heard about you. Are you hiring us?"

"No, I'm just temping. I'm seriously so bored I about went to learn science stuff again." She got back to it. "Matt said to file by name, not by year," she said since he was still staring.

"Yeah, we try to but sometimes it just gets shoved in."

She smiled. "You use the top one to shove into and then you sort into the bottom three when you have time," she said. "It works easier. That way you have the filing equivalent of a junk drawer in the kitchen."

"I have one of those," he admitted, coming in to talk to her. She was efficient and Matt was taking a nap apparently. "That's weird, he can't usually sleep with others he doesn't know."

Darcy smiled. "I'm getting too well known for my own good. I really have to stop the reasons for that." The new guy snorted but looked amused. "I do."

Clint leaned in. "Why are you down here?" he demanded.

"I'm temping," she said with a smile. "Until Gerdy finds another charity I can work with until that idiot tempts them with a nice sized donation to fire me." She went back to filing. "I've left the six files on the desk that he said were current alone," she told him. She looked at Clint. "I found somewhere bigger but it needs some serious cleaning since it's got blood on the floor. So I'm semi looking because he's not sure how long he has to hold the apartment for the nice PD people. I said if it was done in under a month I'd take it. He's got another few that might come open in a few months but nothing more than two tiny bedrooms. The guy joked I needed to move into Stark mansion."

Clint shook his head. "Tony might let you," he said.

"No, that would get those weenies in uniform to show back up because omg, I know Brucie."

"Point," he agreed. "Anyway, lunch or are you not taking one? You look like you lost weight, Darcy."

She held up a hand and finished up. "There, Matt, all finished and all that. Want me to start some coffee?"

"No, that was really fast, Darcy. Thanks," he said from his couch. "You guys have fun. You're too young to be all boring this way."

She laughed. "You're not boring, Matt, and I'm glad I could help when that idiot troll came up to me the other day on the sidewalk."

"I heard," he said dryly. "Thanks for the tape."

"You're welcome. I don't know why he thought all those raised in Hollywood did drugs." She grabbed her sweater and purse. "Have a nice day, guys, and let me know if you need stuff." She walked out with Clint, smiling up at him. "You have good timing."

"That's because you've lost twenty pounds," he said dryly. "And I heard you were down here."

"I've been helping Gerdy arrange things for a huge meeting with the local charities coming up soon. It lets her focus on other huge problems."

"That's good."

"Actually, I'm so bored I'm nearly picking up some old textbooks and trying to learn science again." She opened the diner's door with a grin.

"What would Steve say about that?" he taunted with an evil smirk.

"Women's lib means that women can open doors for guys. We're equal now," she dryly. "After you, hot ass." He snorted but walked inside after him.

"Darcy! Can we talk?" the waitress demanded, walking her off. "You sent me a bill that was phony."

"Someone faked fives?" she asked. "I only pay with small bills when I'm out so I don't spend so much."

"You sent me two hundreds in a letter."

Darcy shook her head. "No I didn't." She took the letter to look over. "Uh-uh. Something like that I'd hand over money orders for you," she said, looking up. "That way they can't be jacked from you." The waitress frowned. "That way I can keep track of my giving for the end of the year. Checks can be copied off and stolen. Money orders are harder than hell to cash if you're not a business." She handed it back. "I can make up for that but it wasn't me, Daisy. If you had told me I could've helped."

"You didn't know?"

"No. Not in the least. I've been busy with Gerdy and I haven't been paying attention the way I should. Clint just accused me of losing weight too." She shook her head slowly. "I can help if you want but I didn't send that."

"Then who could've?"

"I don't know but they misspelled my last name." The girl looked then at her, frowning. Darcy showed her the official ID she had with her actual name on it. "That's how it's spelled."

"Huh. That's really weird."

"I can make it up for you, that's not an issue," Darcy said. "But that's truly weird. You might ask someone if they've heard of anyone sending things like that."

"I haven't," Clint said, taking the letter. "Cheap printer paper and ribbons," he said. "That's really weird." He looked at Darcy. "Your handwriting's more loopy. I remember it from the cookies you sent us. Speaking of, you haven't baked?"

"I can't bake. My oven's broken and my countertop is peeling up. The landlord said the oven's fine, it goes to one temperature, four-eighty." Clint shook his head with a sigh. "I will once I move. She should take this to a lawyer."

"She should take that to the cops," Clint corrected. "Because whoever's trying to discredit you is passing funny money."

"I'll talk to the one that comes in for coffee," Daisy said. Darcy handed over her card. "Thanks, Darcy."

"Remind me when I go and I'll hop down to the corner and get those for you, Daisy. Let me know if you're not sure if I've heard stuff. Please!" The girl nodded, going into the back to tell the cook. She and Clint sat down. "Do you think it was the slimy one?"

"Nah. He's fake all over but this is beneath his notice. Who was it that you got on tape?"

"Think white, fat, round babyman."

Clint winced. "He's not to be trifled with, Darcy." She gave him a pointed look. "You're going to end up coming out soon."

"I know. That's why I've needed stuff to do when bored. So I could think to it since I can't bake right now." Daisy brought their lunch and hers was clearly spit in. She looked back at the glaring cook. "I didn't send that letter because I wouldn't have misspelled my last name." The cook groaned. "But if I find them they're going to wish they had found God instead." She pushed the plate aside and paid for it anyway. This diner was a local place and a lot of good happened here. Clint split his with her. She smiled, eating a few fries. "I'm almost at the housing point where I'm going to have to buy something and renovate," she said quietly.

"You could, that way you get it the way you want."

"Remember all the problems I had in Chicago when I had to move suddenly? And my last one still hasn't sold."

"Really? I thought we had a buyer that weekend."

"Couldn't get funding."

"Damn." He ate while he thought. "You don't need something huge. Just a good sized kitchen." She nodded while she chewed one of the fries.

An officer came in and sat at the counter. "Daisy, bring that letter, hon," Darcy said, getting up and going to him. "Someone's sent her funny money in my name," she told the officer. "Which is pretty wrong."

"You sure you didn't send it?" he asked dryly, staring at her. "You make a whole lot of noise, Lewis."

"I wouldn't have misspelled my natal last name," she said dryly, pointing at it. Then she pulled her ID.

"Then what's with the Lewis?"

"My grandmother's maiden name because of death threats. It's unofficially changed and the Feebs know."

"That's weird." He stared at her. "Could be illegal."

"Not even close. I have notice of the death threat and all the banks and cards I have know that." She smiled. "Beyond that, I'm not the sort to send money in an anonymous, or semi-anonymous, letter. I use money orders so it can be tracked by the IRS at tax time."

"Most of us around here file the short form," the officer said.

Darcy pulled out her phone and got onto a magazine's site, showing him. "I don't. It'd be nicer but my accountant freaks out."

He read the article, wincing at what he saw. "So why are you down here?"

"I do charity work," she reminded him. "I work with at risk teens. It's the work I want to do."

"I heard someone wrote one of your bosses and offered major donations if you got fired," the officer said dryly.

"Yeah, and that slimy politician wannabe hasn't made good on them yet either." She stared at him. "I'm suing him in court for that." She smiled. "Can you help Daisy figure out who it was?"

"Yeah, that's something we'd have to report," he agreed, looking at his favorite waitress. "You okay?"

"I'm good, but I thought it was her too."

"I wouldn't have misspelled my own name," Darcy said. "And I wouldn't have given to you in that name anyway, Daisy. You don't know me by that name."

"Good point," she said. "I guess I didn't think about it after I saw that phony bill."

"We can file it and see if the Treasury has any notes on that forgery series," the officer said. "I'll need statements from both of you."

"Of course," Darcy said. "Want me to fill it out while I nibble Clint's lunch?" He handed over forms for them and Daisy filled hers out next to him while Darcy sat at the booth to fill it out. Clint helped her do that. Scott came in during it and Darcy told him what happened.

Scott looked at her. "I heard you had to get someone on tape."

"Yeah, he thought anyone who grew up in Hollywood did drugs," she said dryly, smirking at him. "I taped it on my phone then went to that nice boy I was filing for so he could save it down for use."

Scott smiled. "Why would he come after you?"

"I'm pretty," she said dryly. "Apparently those who think they have influence in this city consider prettiness something they want to conquer and own. Which is why I'm suing the other one. They're probably golf buddies or something." She shifted over. "Sit. Clint might know somewhere I could bake again."

"That'd be great," Scott said, smiling at her then at Clint.

"The building next to mine has the penthouse open. It's not huge."

"Can I fit my desk, my couches, and my coffee table in the living room?" she asked. He nodded. "Can I make a new safe room?" He nodded again with a grin. "Do the locks work since mine don't anymore?" He growled. She smirked. "Everything's in paranoid prepper people sort of storage, Clint. Calm down."

He sighed. "Why?"

"Landlord probably. Or the military broke in and put bugs in my house since I saved Bruce from them." She looked at him. "By the way, they really hated it when those bugs went off in the microwave. It was worth buying a new one." She got back to filling it out while the two guys groaned. Someone came in and she smiled. "Hey, Brucie."

"Darcy." He hugged her. "Thank you for helping me that night."

"Of course I did. You had a concussion. You weren't in any shape to handle that and everyone was too far away handling the last of the problems." She patted him on the hand. "You can sit and talk to us. We're talking about me moving."

"One of Ross's people left me an email stating you're going to be arrested for helping me."

She smiled. "Can I have a copy? I've always wanted an actionable threatening letter." Bruce stared at her. She stared back. "The Supreme Court told him to leave you alone," she said quietly. "That's the top law in the land. He has to obey it." She stared at him for a second then got back to filling out the form. She climbed over Scott to hand it over. "There you go, Officer."

"Thank you, Miss DeCriths."

"It's Lewis for the most part. Before someone else tries to take me out or kidnap me." She gave him a pointed look. Then she went back to her seat. Scott got up this time. She pinched him on the cheek. "I'm punishing your daughter by making her learn how to bake once I finally get a new place that has a working oven." She sat down and he slid in too.

"Why?" Scott asked.

"She accidentally sent me dirty texts," she said with a grin. "Which I have erased after pointing out I wasn't the friend Darcy she knew at school and did her mom know she was sending dirty texts about eating pussy."

"I wouldn't care if she was gay," Scott said.

"I knew that." She whapped him on the arm.

He smirked. "You're mean today."

"I got kept up last night by the new neighbors. Apparently she's an official ho. She was talking loudly about how the guy last night stiffed her two hundred so she's a high ho." Scott shuddered. "Yeah, she just moved in." She looked at Clint, batting her lashes at him and leaning closer. "Is there a good kitchen in that place you know of?"

"Probably not since it got ripped out. So you'd have to restore it. It's not in a great neighborhood."

She shrugged. "It's NYC, Clint. There's no good, safe neighborhoods anywhere unless I make myself move to Connecticut."

"Point," he admitted then grinned. "We can go look. I know the landlord and I reserve the right to let you watch my dog."

"I can puppy sit. Lucky's a sweetie. He curls up with me when I have nightmares."

"Why?" Bruce asked quietly.

"Elves showing back up and making me wear the pointy shoes and tights," she said dryly. "Right before they stab me like I'm in a play." He shook his head with a sigh. "Sorry but truth. One of them was misquoting Romeo and Juliette last night in my nightmare as he slowly stabbed me." She shrugged. "They were very British, just like Loki sounded on the news."

Clint nodded. "He did," he agreed, sipping his coffee. He shook his head. "One huge problem in the neighborhood. There's some Russian mob guys who misuse the word 'bro'."

She smiled. "I tried to club and met one of them. He was really impressed I had a mind *and* boobs and then I ground his nuts into the floor because he was choking from my pepper spray bra protector." She grinned at his spluttering the sacred coffee. "Clint, be nicer to our ancestor's Juice of the Ancients. It's a precious resource."

He groaned. "Why did you do that?"

"Because he grabbed my boob and that set off the pepper spray canister I keep in it with pressure pads to set it off whenever someone grabs me against my will," she said dryly, putting his cup down for him. "Then he complained as he choked and rolled around on the floor so I nicely put my stiletto into his delicate underside and gave him a piece of my mind since he was clearly lacking some of his."

Scott hugged her. "You're like the sister I would've tormented," he said, getting hugged back.

"Aww," Bruce said dryly, looking at Clint. "Are they that annoying?"

"They're why I have Lucky," he admitted. "He used to be theirs."

"Yay, you saved the doggy," Darcy said, smiling at him.

"You need a nap," Clint shot back.

"Actually, I need my every-other-month delivery from the dildo of the month club, Clint. I'm honest, it's a need now. It's been *way* too long."

He stared at her. "I'm going to set you up with someone."

"Please do. Are they breakable?"

"Maybe."

"Sure." She grinned. "I can be gentle for the first few times. Get me a kitchen first so I can wow him with gooey fudge made that way on purpose so he can spread it on my tits to lick off."

Scott felt her forehead. "You're warm, Darcy. Are you coming down with something?"

"No, I just need some D, Scott."

Clint paid for his lunch and they went to look at the apartment together. Darcy was happy and babbling. She could have a kitchen installed within a few days of getting the keys. The landlord agreed and they signed that day. She called the other guy to say she had found somewhere and then they went to Home Depot for appliances. Clint was texting someone he knew who was moving to Chicago. They really liked Darcy's old apartment when they saw it. So that was another thing that was going well for her. Now all she had to worry about was the job thing and the slime bucket she was suing.

***

Darcy smiled at her lawyer as she led the other parties in. "Good afternoon," she said smugly from the head of the table. Her lawyer sat next to her. "I believe we're here to hear you whine that you got caught being an infant about things."

"I don't believe you're doing this, little girl. I'll ruin you. You're just a chick."

"I'm not short, fuzzy, and yellow," she said dryly. "And I doubt that." She smiled. "Remember, I helped your stock tank before." He glared. She stared back. "Some of us don't count our worth on our stock." She shrugged. "Nor did we *buy* our way into college."

"I went to Wharton."

"You bought your way into it. What building did Daddy have to renovate for them?" she quipped.

"You're still nothing and I can keep this in the courts until you're broke."

"Wrong way around, princess," she said, flipping out a magazine article. "I'm sure you're aware of that magazine and that list." He nodded. She pointed at the highlighted name. "That was my uncle." He looked and winced. "There were two main heirs. Myself and his son, who his last wife hooked on drugs." She stared at him, flipping out another one. "I believe you're smart enough to know who that one was too. She was my other godmother." The guy blinked at the name then at her.

"Yeah, she was the sort, with my mother, who could call up politicians for lunch and they'd show up. Thankfully no one expected me to marry a Republican." She put down another one and pointed. "I believe you can read. There's yours in the pink highlighter. There's mine in the purple. You don't know own anything like I do." She stared at him, leaning back. "You're kinda worthless actually. I've already ruined you and you're going under another suit for those nice letters to those charities with promises that you did not keep. There's six of them as far as I know." She looked at her lawyer, who nodded, laying them out in a stack in front of the idiot.

"I'm sure if you actually got into Wharton on your own merit, like most of them, you can read." She waved a hand. "I also have proof of many other misdeeds. Frankly, you've made me stretch a bit and remind myself who my parents were and my grandparents were. My grandmother would chastize me for being so openly evil but I'm enjoying it now. Thankfully I'll never be an Avengers level villain." She smirked at him. "Should we go on with the proof against you?" She pointed at her lawyer. He put down seven sealed envelopes. "The threats against me.

"One of those is the online ones you've made that have been answered by your minions. Two of them are proof that you had your sons put a contract out on my life. They've already had copies handed over to the FBI." She patted one. "This one is the one I believe that has the SEC charges that I've had filed against you." She smirked a tiny bit. "See, unlike your lawyer, mine went to a real college on a full ride academic scholarship. He *earned* his way here. The same as I earned my reputation for helping others by doing the real work that needed to be done. The only question I've got is are you working with HYDRA yourself or are they using you as a minion? Since the same people want me for them as well."

He stood up. "I don't have to listen to this. I can get it dismissed like that," he said with a snap of his fingers. "I know all the judges."

"Yes, and they've all had to recuse themselves because of that." She smirked at him. "That is the law." He glared. She stared at him. "By the way, the class action suit started against you by those charities is in Federal court because half of them are federal level charities." He stomped off. She smiled and waved at his back. "You have fun with your remaining few weeks of peace and quiet." She smiled at that lawyer, who was swallowing hard. "Can you handle him?" she asked her lawyer with a pat on the hand. "I'm going to get away from the windows since I can see a sniper scope," she said with a point at the red dot on the table.

"I can, Darcy. Thank you for hiring me."

"I adore your credentials and you're a lot like what I hoped to be, only in the law instead of charities." She got up and walked off. Someone did try to shoot her when she walked past another open office's doorway but missed and hit the door. That shut the building down and she got escorted to her hired car by the security team. She went to the library a bit early but that was fine. She walked in. "Morning, guys," she chirped with a smile.

One of the girls looked her over. "That's designer. Damn."

Darcy winked at her. "I had to show my ass with the idiot who told charities he'd give to them if they fired me. Of course I made up the deficit. I'm suing him for that money back so I can donate it to them again." She sat down, unbuttoning her jacket to get comfy. She smiled. "My new kitchen will be in this Friday so I can bake again for our Saturday meeting." They smiled and got down to history today. It was a good day for it because she was happy.

Evil but happy.

She finally went home to find Lucky on her couch so she cooed at him. "How's my favorite furry buddy?" He barked and lapped her, making her laugh. She cuddled him for a minute. "Help me get undressed, Lucky. I could use some help and some cuddles before I go fully evil and make Clint handle me." She walked into the bedroom, finding Clint asleep on her bed. "Hmm." She pulled off the business suit and kicked off the shoes, standing there in her panties and bra. She looked at the dog, who seemed to shrug. She went into the bathroom to take a shower.

Clint woke up, blinking at the bathroom. "I really needed that nap," he told his dog. "Living room. Bark if Katie Kate shows up." He ran out to hog the couch all to himself with his new chew toy. Clint walked into the bathroom. "Are you still evil?"

"I probably am," she agreed, rinsing off her hair. She looked out the curtain at him. "Why? Gonna hit me with something harder than a pillow?" She grinned.

"You're so asking for a spanking," he taunted back.

"I don't mind them sometimes, Clint." He turned red but she went back to her shower. "Sorry, I'm playful."

"You are and it's nice," he agreed. He waited until she got out, staring at her. "You're still losing weight."

"I'm fine."

"You're going to the doctor. You never go to the doctor and we worry about you."

"Yeah, I haven't went to any of them outside my ob/gyn appointments to get my IUD put in." She took the towel from him to dry off, wrapping it around her hair at the end. "I'm pretty healthy."

"What if it's serious, Darcy."

"Don't you even think about it," she warned. "I got tested for the breast cancer gene and I don't have it. I have every other year mamos. I'm fine, Clint. I'm just stressed and living on takeout."

He hugged her to him, nestling her under his chin. "I get that. Did you get through to his dumbness?"

"He was horrified." She grinned up at him. "Then someone shot at me."

"Did we get 'em?"

"NYPD got 'em."

"I'll have someone ask." He led her out to the bedroom, laying down beside her. "I'm not here for more than nightmare help. I could use it too." She cuddled into his side, letting him nap with her. She eventually fell asleep when Lucky came in to help them nap. He was a great helper.

***

Scott came in the next morning with danish. "Guys?" he called. Clint came out of the main bedroom, making him blink. "I should knock," he said.

"It's not like that, Lang," he said dryly. "Not that she's not hot and all." She poked him on the side as she walked around him to get coffee. "She nearly got sniped yesterday and had nightmares. I've had nightmares. The dog's a great chaperone." He looked around. "Lucky?" he called patiently. "Want out for a walk?" No bark or fur. "Any idea?" he called. Darcy found a note on the coffeemaker she waved. He took it to look at. "Kate showed up to get him for her morning run. Sure." He tossed the note and out before taking the box of danish to dig into. "Thanks for the food."

"Welcome." He sat down at the table with his cup that Darcy made him. "You awake?" he asked with a grin.

"No." She sat down and sipped her coffee, staring at the box of evil danish. "Those are mean, Scott."

"You're underweight," Clint said. "Eat something before I have Bruce drop an NG tube."

She sighed but plucked out one to pick at and eat. "How long did it take Natasha to realize it was me who asked for her med pack?"

"I don't think she's figured it out yet," Clint admitted. "Bruce did go through all of them to make sure they were fully packed. He and Stark were working on what an emergency pack in shelters should have for the untrained."

"I hope he remembers the epi pens," she said. She ate another piece of flaky evilness.

Clint stared at her. "I'm sure he will. Eat for real, Darcy."

"It's early."

"I don't care. Eat or I'm calling Bruce." He stared at her. She sighed but ate. "You never used to mind eating."

"I was twenty-three, Clint. I'm not scared of my weight but I'm tired of the thin whore committee sneering for a bit." She shrugged. "That and the stress."

"I get that. Real men won't have 'em so they're all sour," he agreed. "Eat two, they're tiny and so are you." He looked at the grinning other guy.

"Don't look at me. I don't hire stress relief. I borrow your dog to play fetch with." He heard a bark and looked. "Awww, Lucky can climb fire escapes."

"Yeah, Katie Kate taught him." Darcy stared at him. "My other persona," he said dryly.

"The teenage girl you always wanted to be?" she guessed. "Real friends use the damn door," she called. "But let the dog in first then walk around before I taze your young ass!" The dog got let in the window and the young woman did indeed walk around. Lucky ran over to lap her, getting cuddled when he hopped into her lap. Clint groaned when Lucky ate her breakfast for her and nearly spilled the sacred coffee but he moved the cup away from the hyper tail of doom. Darcy cooed and petted Lucky, making him a happy puppy. "Did you have a good walkies, Lucky?" she cooed. He barked and nuzzled her then leaned back to let her favorite human pet him.

"I'd say you had a good run and got to sniff a lot of butts," Clint said, petting his ears. Lucky went back to lapping his Darcy friend. She didn't shoot arrows like the rest of the family but she was pretty good at petting and spoiled him rotten. Kate knocked then walked in. "Thanks, girly."

"Welcome, Clint." She smiled, holding out a hand. "Hi, I'm Kate."

Darcy reached over Lucky to shake it. "Darcy Lewis."

"I've heard. You're apparently becoming the woman with balls measuring rod."

"I break all measuring sticks, the same way all women should," she said with a smirk for the young one. "Sorry, Lucky's having lap lovies."

"It's cool. I already got some of that when we were in the park watching all the bouncing asses." She stole a danish from Clint's plate and sat in the free seat, smiling at Scott. "Hey, Lang. How's the kiddo?"

"She's pretty good. How's school?"

"Sucks ass. And now they're changing things."

"If you need community service hours, I work with some people getting ready for their GED's," Darcy offered.

"Got that already by wearing the spandex," she admitted. "My principal faced me down about it and I had to admit it, she had it in pictures. I'm going to cream that Parker creep." Clint laughed, shaking his head. "I am!"

"He's a nice kid," Darcy told her. "If you met him for real you might figure a few things out that's not standard. Including that Stark's mentoring him in the sciences."

Kate shook her head. "No thanks. Stark's creepy too."

"Sometimes," Darcy agreed. "Those days he's usually lacking sleep from a science bender or Pepper's walked off from him again because he was a jackass." Kate stared but the other two guys nodded.

"Are you a telepath?" Kate asked. "I'm sorry if any thoughts I had upset you if you are."

"I'm not, kiddo. I was a science intern for a bit."

"Oh!" She nodded. "That's cool then."

"But I don't mind if you stare at my tits too. A lot of people do and I don't mind that until they try to touch without permission."

"Show me how that bra thingy with the pepper spray works?" Clint asked, smiling at her.

"It's just a trigger pad system, Clint. I tuck them inside my bra at strategic points and if they're pressed too hard they go off and spray whoever's in front of me with pepper spray."

He blinked a few times. "Who made that?" Scott asked.

"I did in London because people had non-grabby hands but the clubs were even worse than here. I miss clubbing," she sighed. "I have to go to the older lady clubs now." She slumped, cuddling the dog.

"You're still young and hip," Kate told her.

"I'm almost twenty-seven. It doesn't matter. I get sneered at by the little 'it's not whoring if you only get presents' crew. And for having real breasts and real curves."

"Yeah, I don't like them either and they're the same. There's a huge double standard for women."

"There is," Darcy agreed, smiling at her. "Like poli sci or sociology? I'll lend you books."

"I'm taking sociology now and I'm kinda confused."

"We can help. I don't have a whole lot to do right now until the kitchen's in. Well, I have tutoring tonight."

"Last night," Clint corrected.

"Tonight too. A few are doing a first attempt at their GEDs this weekend."

"Awww." Clint grinned. "You so spoil them."

"Yeah. I do." She smiled. "They deserve it. They're working really hard. They're even getting the non-healthy cookies Friday if I have a working oven."

Kate looked at the kitchen then at her. "I'm glad the DEA gutted it from the meth the guy had been making."

Darcy shrugged. "I looked at one that someone had been nicely painted with blood."

"Eww," Kate complained. She nibbled on her stolen pastry. Lucky made whining noises at her. "No way. Dogs don't eat pastries unless you're a wolf in Chicago from what I heard."

"I met him! He's so sweet," Darcy said with a grin. "Really, really polite. He'll stand there for hours holding a door for people. I had to tease him to get some skank off him when he was on statue duty then apologized to him but admitted I was just getting her STD'ness off him. He blushed a bit but his boss came out to see what had happened so I told her. She thanked me. We talked about educational opportunities in Canada for underprivileged youth."

Kate shook her head. "You're damn amazing."

"I try. Women have to be more amazing than guys. Otherwise we're just called names."

"I think you've been amazing since you were getting Jane to eat," Clint told her. "How you managed to get her to believe hot pockets were real food was truly incredible."

"They are if all you eat is pop tarts like she did. Hot pockets have meat and veggies in the same handy carrying format. It worked a lot."

Someone pounded on the door. "That sounds like Stark," Scott complained. "Who is it?"

"Let me the fuck in," Stark ordered.

"It's open, Tony," Darcy called.

He came in and stared at her. "That slimy toad just accused you of being my daughter on HNN."

"Excuse me?" she demanded. He nodded, turning on her tv then her computer when he realized her cable wasn't up yet. She watched and groaned, calling in to that show. "You can tell that slimy toad that I'm adding libel to that suit and he just added another entity suing him," she said when they answered. "No, this is Darcy DeCriths, Senator. Yes, that slimy toad you helped by giving a loan yesterday. By the way, how is your mistress?" She got hung up on and she smirked a tiny bit. Ten minutes later she reloaded the page. The senator was still spluttering but his wife was there and she was going to kill him for the mistress and the loan. She smiled at Tony. "Someone's going to have to find me a reason to not go evil soon. You know that, right?"

He stared at her then pointed at the table. "There's two, pick them both if you want. Are you suing him?"

She looked then pointed. "Briefcase is on the table but locked." He went to pop the lock, getting shocked and yelping. "Sorry, it's security monitored too. The key's in my purse."

He dug the key out and opened it, pulling out the folder to look at. He took pictures to send to Pepper. "Pep's having a martini breakfast over this." He looked at her. "Want to make a joint statement?"

"I can if you want." She smiled. "Think I can go more evil? Are we doing it in public or online?"

"Public. It'll be faster." He looked at her. "Go get out of jammies, put on something cute yet unfashionable like usual."

She snorted, waving a hand. "I was wearing designer yesterday, Tony."

"Yay. It was a business suit by the pictures that the pap got as they walked you out and arrested that sniper."

"HYDRA?" Clint asked. "Or his death threat?"

"Worse, stepmother whore," Darcy quipped.

Clint groaned, shaking his head. "We've got to ease those threats. Three is too many."

"Hey, get HYDRA," she said dryly. "I've dealt with one for years and the other will slowly fade off after he's not elected and they have time to vent." She put Lucky down, getting a pouty puppy look. "I have to put on clothes. C'mon, you can help me pick out a bra, Lucky." He followed her because he liked her.

Kate looked at Clint. "If I ever turn that evil will you remind me I'm not usually like that?"

"I'll tranq dart you and drop you at someone's house so they can screw it out of you," he told her. She smiled and nodded.

"I don't think that's going to work on Darcy's level of evil," Scott said, shaking his head. "She's gonna need more than a convenient access point."

"I know a few very nice houses of ill repute where everyone's clean and all that," Tony said from the couch. "I'll drop her there and let them have her for a few days. That should cure most of it."

Darcy leaned out of her bedroom, clearly topless since they could tell. "I don't need a whorehouse, Tony. If I get that desperate drop me in a club and I'll find some dick or something." She went back to getting dressed. Her hair needed to be pulled up. It was all knotted after her shower and she didn't have time to fix it.

Kate looked at Clint. "Can I be her when I grow up?"

"Sure. She's a good role model and she's tazed a number of people," Clint said with a tiny smirk. "But you'd probably have to give up your bow." She made 'eeeeh' noises then shook her head.

"Darcy's last female lover is twenty-two and a hot ass supermodel looking bitch on a motorcycle," Darcy called. "You don't always need a dick, Clint. Sometimes you don't need one at all."

"Very true," Kate agreed. "Being bisexual is very realistic for many people." She smiled at Darcy. "Do you prefer one side more?"

"No. I prefer personalities." She hugged the girl. "You're underage." She went into the kitchen to get more coffee.

"We have time to do your hair, Lewis. Go fix it," Tony said with a hand wave while reading.

"We don't have two hours for me to use the detangler," she said. "Then rewash and blow dry and then brush and style." She stared at him. "That's why there's beanies, Tony." She put her favorite one on.

"Fine." He got up, taking the folder with him. "I'll send back the originals after I make copies." She handed over the card to her lawyer. "Oooh, evil. Wasn't he a former intern at the Supreme Court?"

She smiled. "Went to Yale on academic full ride all the way through law school."

"So he earned it," Tony said with a nod. "Good. Evil can be nice. We'll be back with bagels or something."

Lucky came padding over, nudging Darcy's hand with a hopeful look. "Sure, I'll walk you again. We can go stare at the pretty, stupid things that are too dumb to do anything but breathe, Lucky. You don't want to hump them, they'd make dumb puppies with you." She took his leash from Kate's hand and they went out together. Stark was shaking his head about the dog but he let Lucky into the car.

Kate looked at Clint. "Are you tapping that?"

"Not at the moment. It's breakfast." She gave him a dirty look. "Once when she was drugged by HYDRA."

"Huh. How underage am I?"

"Two years at least. Darcy likes them about her own age," Scott told her.

"Pity. Damn I need a new lover." Kate pouted, picking at another danish. Clint handed her that one and put the box into the fridge. Darcy would want one later.

***

Darcy got out of Tony's car with Lucky at a dog friendly pastry shop and they walked in together, Tony following shaking his head.

"You're Tony Stark," one woman shouted, staring at him. "Is that the one they said is your daughter?"

Darcy looked at her. "Tony was fourteen when I was born, dear. My mother never looked at another guy beyond my father and she certainly wasn't into teenagers. From what my whore of a stepmother said, my daddy had skills in the bed." She got her turn to order and smiled, ordering a whole bunch of food. "I'm having my kitchen remodeled today," she quipped. The saleswoman smiled at her and let her pay for it then went to bag things up for her. Tony got his own food and they went back to the car. There were press there. Darcy looked at one. "How old am I?" she asked one. The woman blinked a few times. "I'm sure you've looked it up."

"You're about twenty-seven."

"Um-huh. And Tony's how old?"

"Forty-two?" she guessed, looking at Tony.

"Close," he agreed. "I was fourteen when she was born. A few people accused her of being my sister but she's definitely not mine."

Darcy laughed. "My mom hit the last one who tried to say that but she was a few days post birth. Thankfully someone did take that bat from her." She put the bags into the back with the dog. "Don't eat those. That's for later, Lucky, and I'm trusting you not to eat Clint's lunch. I know he'll share with you since he's your human, but you have to let him have some first." Lucky settled down to sniff the bag instead. She smiled. "I have to get back there. People are coming to put in my kitchen today." She got into the car. "Laters, peeps."

Tony got in to drive, honking before pulling off. He paused at the office to hand Pepper those files and came back to take her back home with the food and the dog. Lucky lapped him before hopping out and Darcy laughed, wiping some off to kiss him on the cheek before grabbing the bag and getting out too. He shook his head, wiping the rest of the slobber off before going back to the office. Pepper thought Lucky was cute too so she'd like that story.

***

Darcy came out of her apartment that night, heading for her car. "Miss Lewis!" someone yelled.

"Yeah," she called without looking. "What? I'm going to be late to tutoring."

"You're being tutored?" one of the press people asked.

"No, I do a tutoring circle with some people who're getting their GED's. Unlike many who say they do charity work I do more than give money." She got in and drove off. The library was packed with people so she sighed and went in the side door and immediately up the stairs. The kids were already hiding. "Sorry, guys."

"Are you Tony Stark's kid sister?" one asked her.

"No. My mom and his mom were friends. Maria Stark was her bridesmaid at her wedding."

"Oh," the group said with a nod.

"Tony was kinda like a weirdly older friend at times." She set things down. "The slimy one put that out there." They all nodded they had heard. They got down to work until a librarian came in then Darcy smiled. "Cookie? They're not the healthy kind because a few of them are testing this weekend."

She took one to nibble on. "We had the press removed."

"Thank you so much, dear," Darcy said, giving her a quick hug. "It was clear most of them had no idea what a library was for." The librarian laughed but let them study in peace. Darcy got back down to the most pertinent parts that they'd need quickly. It'd go okay. She looked at a few. "Remember, if you even pass one part, you only have to take the parts you messed up on next time." They all smiled and dug back in with their cookies and juice.

"Why is this so hard to understand?" one of the girls complained, tossing down her pencil.

"Grammar rules suck," Darcy said, looking honest. "I have a masters degree and two bachelors and I still don't fully understand all the little nitpicky rules that only work in certain circumstances. I go by what sounds right. If it sounds right then it's probably correct." She smiled and nodded, getting back to it. She looked around. "Is she sick?" she asked one girl.

"Her mom," she said bluntly. "She walked out earlier to her mother complaining she was spending so much time doing this and it won't amount to anything."

"Bullshit. This is a stepping stone. Unless you want to be doing the same thing that got your parents trapped, this is a way up at least a bit higher." A few glared at her. "Why are your parents stuck down here?" she asked one of the glaring ones.

"I came along," he admitted.

"And you're not doing the same thing, right?" He shook his head. "Did they get to graduate?"

"My dad did. He's an electrician."

"Which is a good paying job but having a family is expensive," Darcy agreed. He nodded. "If your mom had her diploma could she have done more?"

"Yeah, probably, but she said it didn't matter. Girls just became wives."

"In her day, probably. Nowadays, no. Now we're girls and women and wives and mothers and we work and all that other stuff. Yeah, some will just become moms. Some of you though, you'll start businesses. Even if it's something like a fast food place you work your way up until you buy a franchise. Or a home cleaning business or even a bigger thing like a construction firm. Girls do work construction." They all nodded. She looked at the kid still glaring. "What're you going to do if you can use this to find a real job that pays good wages?"

"Move," he said. "The city's getting too dangerous."

"It is," Darcy agreed. "Otherwise I wouldn't have to wear a pepper spray canister. And I wouldn't have had to yell at that one kid who nearly molested the little girl." He nodded. "Is this a stepping stone for you or an end?"

"A stepping stone. I can get into the vo-tech program I want with it."

"Good!" She smiled at one. "Did you talk to them?" She nodded. "And?"

"I need my GED or diploma first then it's a year and they have financial aid. Did that guy live?"

"I haven't seen him in the papers," Darcy admitted. "If you wanted to you could track it backwards to the hospital to see if he's still there. Sometimes they'll give you some limited information of 'yeah he's a patient' if you tell them why you're asking."

"I might." She looked at the girl staring at her. "During that battle I helped Darcy with that guy that was stabbed. She talked to me about a nursing program at the vo-tech."

"It's a good field. Good pay, nurses get respect," the girl agreed. "Don't be a CNA, it's all bedpans and bed baths. LPN's do home stuff and some hospital stuff and it pays pretty good. My mom was until she blew out her back." The girl smiled and nodded. "You can come ask her stuff if you want. She'll be honest about how sometimes she had shit hours and bad people above her."

"That can be any job," Darcy said. "But if you love the job it doesn't matter as much. I used to spend a few days at a time awake when I was a science flunky. But I loved my job and I loved Jane so it only annoyed me occasionally when I really wanted to go date and stuff. If you're doing stuff you hate it'll just wear you out faster or make you sick. Though there are some cases where you'd love to do something and you suck at it. I'm that way with painting. I'd love to paint for stress relief, I can't even do it on the computer." The kids giggled and got back to work. At nearly the end of the session someone knocked on the door. "Who is it?" she called. An agent opened the door to look at her. "Hi, can we help you?" she asked politely.

"Miss Lewis, can we talk to you please?"

She took a picture of him and sent it then got up and gathered her things. "You guys give me back the cookie box tomorrow and I'll bring real food if my kitchen's finished." They nodded, eating another one. "Don't forget to give the librarian back the key please." She handed it over. She put on her jacket as she walked out with him and put her bag over her shoulder but across her chest. "What's up, agent guy? And who're you?"

"Miss Lewis, we need to talk to you about some militant moments you've been having," he said patiently.

"I don't have militant moments. I have moments when I have to prove myself. Big difference."

"Fine, whatever. You're disrupting the political process."

"He made it about me. I'm fixing the shit and I'm not the only one. There's a lot of people suing him. We're just the newest and the more powerful ones." She stared at him. "Was there anything else?"

"Yes, young lady, we still need to talk."

She stared at him. "I'm not that young."

"You're younger than I am."

"You're probably twenty-five, I'm older." She stared at him. "For that matter, I have a lawyer, use him. I think we're done here since I'm not going to be cowed. It just makes me more mad." She stared at him until he backed off a step but his eyes said he wasn't scared. "You have a nice night. I've got to go babysit a friend's dog." She walked off. He shot something into her and she had time to hit her panic button before she fell.

He plucked it off her and turned it off. "That won't help you," he said. He hauled her up, nodding his partner to help him. They carried her down to the car. The kids would never realize it. There were others who would fill in.

Of course, one of the kids had seen and taken video so he put it up online like Darcy had taught them to do if something ever happened to her. The others got a nod and they left once it was clear, one of them making sure they handed the key back. The kid with the key smiled at the librarian. "Miss Darcy left something. Do you have another contact number for her? She said her phone was dead when she left with that agent guy."

"Of course, dear." She let her have the rental card.

The girl wrote it down. "Thanks." She walked off calling it. Everyone had cellphones these days. "Hi, this is one of Darcy Lewis' tutoring kids and some agents just darted her and carried her off. They didn't say. We got video of them and I know she took a picture of the one that knocked on the door. Yeah, from her phone. Thanks. We're kinda worried since that slimy thing is causing even more problems. I hope she's okay." She hung up and went home to tell her mother and put it on her facebook page. That Stark guy had people who monitored the internet, right? And he was close to Lewis by the news....

***

The agent who had answered Agent May's phone looked at her. "Who the hell is Lewis?"

"She's a special case we're watching out for. She's the one that hit that politician. Is she all right?"

"Some agents took her." He put her phone down. "You can tell them later."

"If I don't tell them now she could die and she's the one that's getting kids into their GED's and things." She stared at him. "She's also an indirect line to Stark."

"Hmm. Fine, call that in but nothing else."

She took her phone and dialed it. "It's me. Lewis got kidnaped." The agent nodded. "Who?"

He took the phone. "I answered Agent May's phone," he said dryly. "The child on the other side said some agent had taken her and darted her. They were really worried. No idea why. No idea who she was until this one told me. Thanks." He hung up, staring at her. "Feel better?"

"Yeah. A lot," she admitted. "Darcy's a sweet kid but hell when you piss her off."

"Sounds like my sort."

"She'd destroy you. Hard." He hit her. "Is that the best you can do?" May asked dryly. "I've had worse sparring with newbie agents." He hit her harder. "Well at least that's slightly better. You might even make it up to the level of effective but not getting anything from me by the time people get here to rescue me."

***

Stark and Clint's phones both rang. "Fuck," Clint said. The others, who were going to an emergency they needed to work together to solve, all looked at him. "Supposed agents took Darcy." Natasha winced.

Stark was growling. "We have it on video." He let Natasha see it. "HDYRA, hitter, or idiot?"

She took it to look at. "Low quality cellphone video. HYDRA though." She handed it back. "He had been FBI and got outed by Ward."

Clint nodded, sending a message to someone. "Kate's local."

"She can't handle HYDRA," Natasha said firmly.

"She can find out where they are so I can help her handle it on the way back."

"She'll be fine for a few hours. They don't want to kill her," Natasha said.

Clint stared at her then shook his head. "I'm not going to get into this argument with you, Natasha. You have fun with your thoughts." Natasha glared, he stared back. "Really."

Steve cleared his throat. "Darcy?" Clint nodded, letting him see the message he had gotten forwarded by Stark's AI FRIDAY. "Oh, great." He sighed. "This could take us as long as a day or more." He looked at Clint. "Are there others who could help her?"

"Do they have Barnes?" Clint asked. "Because their usual plans for her include him. Not that they'll have much luck right now."

"Problems she hasn't explained?" Stark asked impatiently.

"Yeah, she found out last week her IUD went through her uterus," Scott said quietly. "I was snooping and found the information sheet. They'll have to remove it surgically and only two docs in the city area are good enough to do that without leaving scars that would prevent conception."

"She's been in a crapload of pain, that's why she's not been eating right," Clint agreed. "I knew something was up and asked her bluntly that night after snooping and finding the same info."

Stark winced. "Can your little friend guard the docs?"

"That may be more possible," Clint admitted, sending that in. She agreed they could put out a warning to them that they might be kidnaped to help a hostage that HYDRA had. Plus try to track Darcy. She had some friends who did the same work. "Kate'll tell the others she knows. She's made some real friends."

"I saw her with Peter," Steve said.

Clint grinned. "Scott and I introduced her subtly to a few who do the same thing less openly than Peter."

"There are?" Stark demanded. "Do they do the same sort of damage?"

"Have you seen it happen?" Clint shot back. "Then no." He called one directly. "It's Barton, I need a favor, don't hang up, HYDRA just kidnaped Darcy Lewis." That got an interested grunt. "Seriously. From her tutoring class. One of the kids put up a video of what happened. We're on our way to a problem," he said dryly. "That could take up to a week. They'll have to be importing a good GYN surgeon for her too because of a slight issue with her birth control method.

"Yeah, them. That's them. From the library she tutors kids in yup." He leaned his head back. "Please. I've already asked Katie and she'll tell the docs that they're a kidnaping risk. Hey, if you guys can find her and remove her from them, go for it. If not, we might not be back for a week and by then Darcy might get herself killed by mouthing off to them. They're probably not real fond of that. Thanks." He hung up. "The others in the know will see if they can find her. HYDRA's too big for them to take on but if they find her they'll let others know."

"How bad could that be?" Stark asked, looking at Bruce.

"Could cause a lot of damage depending on how far it went through and if she's got leaking fluids into her abdomen." Clint shook his head. "Just through?"

"Most of the way through. It happened when they had to save her from CNN. She was cramping that night and said that was the first night she had a problem."

"Then it's not been a long time so there's probably not a lot of scar tissue forming already," Bruce said, considering it. "But if they don't get it out soon she'll have a lot more coming and more problems. Was she going in soon?"

"They just did the ultrasound to find out what the cramping was and she's got a follow up in three days with one of the docs," Clint said. He sent that text to Kate's phone too. She could call her off. "So probably surgery soon."

Bruce nodded. "That is something they'll have to correct if they want to knock her up by Barnes."

"Okay so huge problem that could give us time to rescue her," Steve said. Clint and Bruce both nodded. "Which we can do on the way back if we're walking. Because I don't want to leave her there either but this is to huge to risk with a partial team."

"Could this be a diversion?" Natasha asked.

Steve nodded. "Could be. We'll know in about two hours." They others nodded and got into the battle mindset. They could handle Darcy problems later.

***

Kate showed up on the doctor's doorstep in uniform, scaring the crap out of his wife. "Ma'am, I need to talk to your husband. One of his patients was kidnaped and we think they're going to come after him as well."

"Why would they?" she demanded shrilly.

"Because HYDRA are stupid that way and they're trying to start a breeding program." She winced, going to find her husband. "Sir."

"You're...."

"The other Hawkeye. One of your patients," she said, handing over the appointment card she had found on Darcy's desk. "Was kidnaped earlier by HYDRA. They've been trying for over a year to start a breeding program using her and she's been able to get around them to protect herself until tonight."

"If I remember right, she needed surgery."

"Yes and you're one of the two in this city who can do it well enough," Kate reminded him.

"I can't just not go to work, young lady."

"I get that, I really do. You do important work. I just have to warn you, which is why I'm here, that they may be coming so if you've got a handy bodyguard sort of people, that might be a good idea, sir."

"I...yeah, I can find one."

She smiled. "Good luck and if you do get taken we'll try to rescue you with her." She ran off, merging into the shadows.

He shut the door. "That is the strangest thing ever. So very weird." He went to call his partner, the other doctor who could do that surgery to warn him. They could have a few paranoid days with a bodyguard around. He went to talk to his wife about what she had said, just in case so she could call the authorities if he disappeared.

***

Darcy woke up with a groan, staring at the man at the foot of the bed she was chained by the ankle to. She smirked at him. "It won't work even if you tried," she sneered.

"We took out your birth control device," he said, looking at his clipboard.

"I doubt that since I'm not hemorrhaging." She looked at herself then sat up, staring at him. "You can't do that since it's presently stuck in a uterine vein." He glared at her. She stared back. "Sorry but the IUD went through thanks to your people in LA. I'm a few weeks from having it removed and I was told if it moved on its own I'd be bleeding to death very quickly. So I doubt you did what you think you did."

"You had something we removed, Miss Lewis."

"That was probably a tampon. Haven't you ever seen a woman having her period?" He tried to hit her so she bit him. "Nah-uh. You don't get to try that." He sneered and snapped, calling over bruisers. She shrugged. "I'll kill you and them when I get free. Yay. No matter what you do, you're still gonna die."

"We'll be brainwashing you once we know it worked," he said as he walked off making notes.

"Yeah, that'll mean a miscarriage from the energy spikes," she said. "Sorry, someone studied that in case you guys got a female agent." She smirked at the bruisers. "Do you want me to bite you too?"

"We can pull out your teeth," one offered. "The docs would like the DNA anyway."

Darcy smirked, then spit the blood at him. "Try, mother fuckers. Just you try." One reached for her and she broke his arm then she looked at the other one. "I'm not cooperative. Ever. Even if I was brainwashed I wouldn't be cooperative. I'm not that sort of girl." They sneered.

"She can't conceive if she's too injured," the doctor called. "Put her in a cell. With him. Maybe it'll work the natural way."

"It'd still kill both of us when the growing kid pulled it out," Darcy said dryly. "And hey, with my cycle going on, can't happen for at least another few weeks anyway. Even I know that and I only took college biology." They dragged her up the halls to a cell then threw her inside and slammed the door shut. Thankfully she landed on top of a slightly soft person. She blinked up at him. "Hey."

James Barnes pushed her off him. "Why are you here?"

"Their crackhead plan to give you kids, Barnes. They kidnaped me from tutoring. Though my kids know to tell everyone they can to protect themselves." She settled against the wall, staring at him. "How long have you been in here and are you James or Winter?"

"James, they haven't tried yet," he said quietly. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah. They just found out there's a hitch to their plans called I need GYN surgery soon. There's very few people who can do the procedure without leaving a huge scar that would mean I'm probably not going to be able to get pregnant. That plus me being girlish? They can't do a whole lot of anything for at least a few months."

"Months?"

"Yeah, months. The recovery from the surgery will take about a month by itself. Plus it can take up to ten or twelve months for the pill I take daily to fully wear out of my system." She smirked a tiny bit. "My original doc agreed I could have both because I told him about this plot." She tipped her head back, thumping it a few times. "What day is it?"

"Tuesday." He saw her wince. "Why?"

"I got captured on a Thursday and a few of the kids were taking their GED's this weekend, and I should've been there to cheerlead and stuff." She looked at him. "If you can get us out of here, do it," she said quietly. "I'll gladly stab people as we go too." He nodded once, curling up some. "Relax, James, even if I was needy I wouldn't jump you. It'd give them happies and I'm not into giving the bad guys good thoughts."

He nodded. "All right. Are you sick?"

"Bit sore. Some cramping. Thankfully I think my period's stopped for a bit." He nodded. "Just be cool, James. They can't do anything for months and triggering you too early would probably get at least one of us dead. We have time." He nodded, relaxing again so he could listen to the hallway.

"They heard."

"Good. They still can't do anything." She smirked and waved at the doctor that stomped in there. "What?"

"You're on the pill and an IUD?" he demanded.

"Yeah. Because I was avoiding this. And it can take nearly a year for the pill to get out of your system and you to regain normal egg discharge." He slapped her and she shrugged. "I had worse in high school from my girlfriend." He growled and Bucky hopped up. Darcy stood up too. "No, let me. They don't think you're going to do anything, Bucky." She moved closer to the doctor, sneering at him. "You still won't win. Because if I have a kid, it'll be mine, not yours. The balls are genetic and you trying to brainwash me won't work. My mind's not going to take it. Therefore you'll have to train him to fuck a lifeless body on a bed on life support." He stepped back, still glaring. "You have not a clue of what you've stepped into."

"There's others who wanted you out of the way."

"Yay, you're working with the slimy frat boy who couldn't keep his hands to himself. You know, my suit against him still goes on and my estate's already guarded in case I disappear due to you guys or him. I'm pretty damn certain that Captain America will follow along with my wishes for my charity work. He's kinda like that." The doctor glared. She stared at him. "You're not shit and you're annoying me. Leave. Now." She pointed. He tried to punch her in the stomach but she blocked it and threw him against the wall. Guards came in to protect him and make them get away from him. "Aww, look, you need bullies to protect you," she sneered. "How sweet, you have friends."

He glared. "I can find another one that'll work just as well."

"If that were true, you wouldn't have waited this long to pull it, douchebag. A year and you couldn't find someone else. Guess you've got issues there too." The doctor tried to hit her and a guard tried to hold her in place but James hit the guard and the doctor ran off before he hit him too. The guards dragged the injured one out. She looked at him. "So," she said dryly. "What do you do for fun in this thing?" She sat back down.

"Not a lot. Swear at my own stupidity."

Darcy nodded. "Yeah, they knocked on the door and I thought it was an actual agent. Thankfully I taught my kids how to use social media."

One of the guards sneered from outside. "We've taken all copies of that video down, Lewis."

"You can't really remove everything from the internet, douchebro. People make copies of those things. Including my lawyer as soon as he saw it." She looked at Bucky. "If I die and my kid lives, there's provisions made," she said quietly. He nodded once, grimacing. "Being practical and all that."

"I understand why but most dames would be sobbing and stuff."

"Most dames don't hit the guy grabbing their ass and nearly shoot them." She smiled at him. "We're going to stay practical, James. Totally, coldly practical. Even if they force it with drugs, it's practical to save ourselves." He nodded, grimacing again. "Not that I might not want to ride your fun stick on the outside but that's a real thing, not in here where it's a threat."

He looked easier. "Thanks, doll."

"You're welcome. Are you okay? Any injuries?" He shook his head but relaxed against the wall. They didn't have anything soft to sit or sleep on. The cell was chilly so they'd have to huddle together for warmth. Being practical was good, he could focus on that and not on her. He had to get them out of here. "Steve and them?" he asked quietly.

Darcy shrugged. "Probably heading off to some sort of battle that's a diversion."

"Damn it," he muttered. She patted him on the wrist, getting a dirty look for it. She stared back. "Fine."

"You're pretty mean but that's just how you are at this moment, James," she said quietly. "We can talk if you want to." He shook his head, looking at the door. "With our luck they have a telepath on staff."

"That would suck," he agreed. "It'd definitely ruin plans."

She nodded. "That's probably why they'd do it." He nodded, pulling her closer. She rested against his arm. It was a good time for a rest. They couldn't harass them for a bit. It'd be nothing more than annoying and the head doc needed to regain his masculinity first.

***

Clint answered his phone the second time it rang. The first he had been busy shooting at aliens. "What's happened, Katie?" He listened. "What do you mean they managed to kidnap the doctor!" he complained. Scott stared at him, glaring a tiny bit. "Yeah, private bodyguards wouldn't have let you help. Hey, tracking where he was taken is great. A moving...that makes some sense. Moving them inside the back of an eighteen wheeler is harder to take out." He considered it. "If you can. I have no idea. We have most everyone with us, girly girl." He bit his lip, then nodded. "If they're willing to help, tell them I said thank you. Yeah, we've got at least another week here. If this was a diversion it's a really good one. Aliens, yup. Thanks. Keep me informed even if it's my voicemail. Good luck." He hung up and looked at Scott. "They have them in some sort of mobile lab unit inside the back of an eighteen wheeler."

"Harder to find," Scott said with a nod. "Do we know anything else so far?"

"Not yet but Katie's got my phonebook and she's calling a few of my old friends to see if they've heard." Steve stomped into the room. "So far they think they're fine. The doctor did get kidnaped." Steve winced but nodded. "Kate said that they tracked where he was dropped off to a mobile tractor trailer setup."

"That's going to be really hard to pinpoint," Steve complained, staring at him.

Clint smiled, calling someone. "It's me, I'm calling in that favor you owe me because it's for Darcy and it'll be a battle," he said. He got an irritated grunt. "HYDRA has her to breed her to Barnes. They're in some sort of tractor trailer setup. Just got the doc that'll have to do her needed surgery. Yeah, that pretty brunette with the boobs, that's Darcy, Wade. Yeah, her, the one you bonded over Queen songs and margaritas with." He smirked as he paced a bit. "Yup, them. Some sort of a mobile setup. Please. Just let us know. We're in the north of England. No clue but you know people who know people who can listen too, Wade. Thanks, man. Yeah, she'll probably even give you a kiss in thanks. If you want her to grope you, you've gotta ask her yourself, Wade. Thanks, man." He hung up, rubbing his forehead. "Sometimes Wade's a bit weirder than usual."

"Sword guy?" Steve asked, looking confused. Clint nodded. "Why ask him?"

"He's well plugged into the merc's network so he'll hear things. He can call others who'll hear things."

"Oh, that's great then. Tell him I said thank you?"

"I can do that. I don't have one number that would be great but he's at home as far as I know. Wade can get word to him and he knows most everything that goes on down south by New Orleans."

"They'll need a port," Scott agreed. "They can't brainwash them into thinking it's right after the war in the US. Too much technology. So the easiest place is...." He looked at Clint.

"Eastern europe," he said. "Plenty of rural farm land, not quite as technological as the US in some areas. Some are downright almost Amish with their levels of tech in farming villages. So they'll have to move that shipping container they're in somehow over there without them realizing it. And without anyone else realizing it," Clint said with a nod.

"Would a ship do that?" Steve asked. "Or would flying them be easier? They could gas them while they're in transit."

"Could be," Steve agreed. "They can't have a full troop because a convoy would be noticeable."

Scott nodded. "So a few thugs, the doctor, the trailer's set up to be self contained." Steve nodded. "So the major shipping points where they could move a trailer is?"

"New York, there's a few all the way down the coast. New Orleans, a few in Texas," Clint said. "Most of the mercs are in major cities so they'd be nearer to the ports to hear it going on. Because we know Darcy's not going to be quiet about being kidnaped."

"Thanks," Steve said. "I worry about them." He walked off frowning.

"Steve, if they get them set up, they're probably coming for you next," Scott warned, looking at him. "Because Bucky from back then would've expected you two to live in a shared household with your dames."

"Yeah, they would have," he agreed with a sigh at the end. "But they can't get Peggy."

"Doesn't mean they can't convince you Peggy died, because your subconscious would accept that, and that you moved on with a cute dame you met overseas," Stark said as he came in. "We know more?"

"They're in some sort of eighteen wheeler that's renovated," Scott said. "The surgeon got taken." Stark winced but nodded. "We're thinking they're going to have to ship them somewhere that could look more like the post-war era."

"So probably parts of Africa or Asia," Stark said.

"Eastern europe," Clint corrected. "They didn't serve in the Pacific part of the war, Stark. Why would they retire over there?"

"Point. And Africa's probably not going to be too safe." Steve nodded, hitting a wall a few times. "Cap, calm down. We'll do a search for them. We can find them. Even if they tried to trigger him again or tried to revert him to the old Barnes he'll be fine. We know how to reverse it."

"And if they make it and knock Darcy up?" he demanded, looking at him.

"Darcy said if that happens, it's hers," Clint said. "She'd let him have visitation if he wanted and it wasn't detrimental. When she started to make just in case plans and we figured it out, I asked."

Steve nodded. "That might be okay. I don't know anymore." He walked off to talk to Bruce. "How long do we have before they try to knock her up?" he asked quietly.

"Surgical recovery time is probably about a month at the least," he said. "I had to look it up but it'll have to be laproscopic or it'll cause more scarring. So smaller incisions but the same amount of pain. A lot of healing time."

Scott leaned out. "Clint said Kate found pills in her bedside table when she was looking for her appointment card to find the doctor."

"Birth control?" Bruce guessed. Scott nodded with a smile.

"Then it could be take up to a year to take. It'll take some time to weed that out of her system and there's nothing like dialysis that'll work against it." He smiled slightly. "She's devious."

"She claimed she was going evil," Scott told him. "Clint and I were figuring out how to stop the evil if she went further." He looked at Steve then at Bruce. "Also, if she's gone and we find a kid, she's got provisions in her will," he said more quietly.

Bruce nodded. "She's a sensible young woman most of the time. It figures she made plans."

"When we had to get Bucky from her place they had a talk after I had went to sleep. I heard them talking about it. She asked what their normal operational methods would be and told him...she put it bluntly that he wasn't to make it seem more than what it was. To be bluntly practical about it."

Bruce nodded. "Making it better for them would add intimacy and I doubt that won't hurt her more. And him." Steve nodded once at that, lips pressed together tightly. "Right now, let's see if we can find the moving cell they're in."

"I'm hoping Wade's calling some of his contacts," Clint said as he walked out to join them.

"Sword guy?" Bruce asked. "He gave the Other Guy a headache."

"Yeah but he's a merc and he knows most of the mercs, and they know people too."

"Point. Well, let's hope they hear soon so we can finish this and go save them." He went to look at the biological samples he had taken from the aliens.

***

Wade Wilson, better known as Deadpool, called someone who hung up on him. "Quit," he said when he tried again. "Barton had me call," he said at the third attempt. "He's searching for a friend that got taken by HYDRA but they're mobile," he said at the fourth attempt. "Yes, that Barton. You know that dishy looking dame that was working with Thor's sweetie? Yeah, the brunette with the scarves. Her. HYDRA apparently wants to use her to create their future master race. All we know is she's been snatched, the film's online.

"We know they're in something mobile. They have the doc that she'll need to fix something that's going to stop their plans. No clue," he admitted. "I can give you his female half's number," he offered. "Yeah, that Hawkeye. She's cute. She's babysitting Clint's dog too. Please. Barton's so worried he's nearly missing shots wherever they're handling a huge issue of aliens. Thanks, Remy. I know he'd say the same thing. Yeah, she's not that sweet. Look up Darcy Lewis. That's her use name apparently.

"Yeah, the lady that nearly killed that politician. Her. Yup. Same chick. No idea why HYDRA fixated on her but Kate told me that they've been trying for a while according to Barton's notes. No, that new film's from where she was tutoring some kids getting their GED's. Oh, that one. Yeah, that was the idiot she nearly killed, HYDRA, and a few others that wanted her out of the way. She's like the queen of sarcasm when she wants to be but she's the goddess of 'damn' when she's dressed up. Thanks, Remy. Let us know. I agreed I'd help since I'm kinda bored." He hung up and popped his neck with a sigh. "This is so going to suck."

The mercs at the bar with him looked at him. "That lady that took out that slimy ass with the tiny hands got kidnaped by HYDRA?" one demanded.

"From what I got told, somehow they want her bred to Barnes." He looked at them. "They got her from her tutoring some kids in a local library." That got a few nods. "We know they're mobile in some sort of tractor trailer rig. That's all we know." They all nodded. "That's the same chick that Lang was introducing around so they all knew her when something happened. She's not helpless, she's got a tazer too."

"I heard about her having some sort of bra pepper spray system," one of the guys said with a nod at Deadpool. "She's hot but I heard mean."

"Probably," he agreed. "Then again, mean can be fun." He looked at the bartender. "Give me a blowjob." He got handed one and paid for it, lifting the bottom of his mask to slug it back so he could go talk to others.

The mercs called around to see if anyone had heard. One called his bosses in HYDRA but another guy heard him and hit him with the thick beer mug to knock him out then stabbed him. "HYDRA sucks," he slurred at the guy he had killed. "Pity you did too." The others in the bar got happy that someone had finally won the deadpool so they could start another one.

***

Bucky got handed Darcy after her surgery. "She's gonna infect if you don't give her what she needs, then all your plans are gone."

"She got antibiotics," the doctor that was in charge sneered. "She'll be fine." He walked off. He wanted to pump the nicer doctor's mind about his plans before they killed him. The truck shuddered and he stared. "What's happened?" he called.

"Road block up ahead," one of the guards called back. "State police looking for someone."

"They won't get in here." He went to the lab to look over the pictures they had taken after the surgery but before she had been sealed back up. Her uterus looked in perfect condition. He looked around then at the thug. "That surgeon?"

"Bathroom, sir." He pointed. "He's got some sort of calming down ritual after surgeries. He can't escape from there."

The doctor nodded when they started to move again. Apparently they hadn't wanted to search this truck and find the fake back with the fake boxes.

Outside, the doctor was panting on the side of the highway. He made himself get up and ran toward traffic, waving his limp hands at the cars. "Help!" he called. One of the cars stopped. "Help, I was kidnaped and escaped. That trailer," he said with a point. "Has other hostages."

"I'm sure we can handle that for you," the agent said. The doctor stared at him then ran off. "Great. He lost his hostage," he muttered, parking and heading after him. Unfortunately not before he ran into the stop and search area. "Fuck," he muttered.

The doctor ran into a cop car and grabbed the officer that turned to look at him with his good hand. "I was kidnaped. The trailer that you let pass by has at least a few other hostages. I'm a ob/gyn from New York City and I got taken to do a surgery so someone in HYDRA could force a pregnancy."

The officer helped him into the car, getting an ambulance for him. "Sir, what's your name?" he asked. The doctor calmed down and told him. "Do you know anything about the trailer?"

He pointed. "I got him stopped right after I managed to escape but he was going to call them." The officer looked then ran after that guy, his fellow officers mostly going after him to help. The doctor looked at the paramedic coming his way. "My wrist is broken and one of my fingers is too I think. I managed to escape through the ventilation system between the inner and outer trailer systems."

"Okay, that's fine, sir. What's your name and do you have any allergies?"

"I'm Dr. Santisburg. I'm an ob/gyn surgeon. I was kidnaped so someone in HYDRA could pull off their breeding plan. Their chosen mother had a ruptured uterus."

The officer still with him stared at him. "Did you know that hostage before then?"

"She had just been referred to me to fix it. My partner and I were the two best in the city to fix problems like that without further complications," he said quietly. "My wife has got to be frantic."

"She reported you missing and told the police up there what you had been told by that young woman," the officer assured him, patting him on the arm. "How many hostages do they have?"

"At least two, one of each gender. One of them was the guy on the tv at that battle in DC a few years back. I saw his arm when I came to get her for surgery under armed guard." He stared at him. "She's got some healing to do but I was allowed to talk to her first about the upcoming surgery and she told me it would give them more time before they tried to force the breeding and I was not to risk my own life to save hers."

"Do you know her name?" the officer asked.

"Lewis. Darcy Lewis. She's the lady that smacked that politician."

"Oh, okay. Why would they want her?"

"I asked and she told me she'd been avoiding them now for over a year. They just managed it the other day. She said they took her on a Thursday and I got warned a Thursday night. I have no idea what day it is."

"It's Friday, Doctor," the paramedic said. "Can I see your hand?" He let him grope it. "I think you're right. A broken wrist and finger. Some good scrapes. We can get you to an ER so you can call home." He nodded, letting himself be helped up. A few officers came back. "We're taking him to the ER."

"I'm going with you," one of the officers said. "So we can get a full statement. Hopefully we can stop that truck."

"He said one of them was the guy that was fighting with Captain America in DC a few years back," the first officer told him. "And the lady that smacked that politician."

"Wonderful."

"She's been avoiding it for a year," the doctor told him. "She told me I was not to risk myself to save her. The surgery would give her extra time before they tried anything. She needed it, it would've killed her soon."

"Cooperative hostages don't get killed," the officer agreed. He climbed into the ambulance with the paramedic and the guy on the bed. "She'll be fine. We'll be putting out a call to find them. Do you remember anything about the trailer?"

"It had an inner and outer compartments. I made it out through the bathroom ventilation grill to the small space between then out the back door. I rolled into the grass. The door had some sort of magnetic close because it wasn't flapping when I hit the ground."

"Okay. Good to know. We can look for that. Silver?"

"White. Blue trim. Yellow lock bars."

"Got it." He called that in as the ambulance took off. The officer looked out the window then at the paramedic next to him. "This isn't the way to the nearest ER."

"We're taking him to the better one, Officer. He's a doctor, he'll need good orthopedic care for his hands."

"I'm sure he will." He called that in. The paramedic tried to shoot him with something but the doctor stabbed him with his own IV needle.

"I hated learning those lessons when I did the National Guard for college money," the doctor said quietly. "I don't like to waste lives."

"Me either, Doctor. Me either." He went up to stop the driver by pulling his gun on him and making him pull over. More officers showed up but he only let the one he trusted come in to handle things. That one he knew wasn't HYDRA. He had killed two of their unit who turned into their soldiers. There was another one in the responding officers but the shift supervisor shot him when he tried to kill the rest of them. They let the agents they knew from working with them show up to gather the doctor to take to an ER and handle putting out the call on that trailer and the hostages.

***

Darcy moaned, blinking awake. "I hate anaesthesia." She tried to sit up and held her stomach, laying back on Bucky's thigh. "Never mind." He stroked over her hair. "What happened while I was out?"

"The surgeon got away," he said quietly. "We're in a trailer of some sort."

"Great." She blinked up at him. "Did they give me anything more?"

"No. They tried to say they implanted an explosive in case you got too mouthy but I reminded him that would ruin his plan. Apparently whatever serum they used isn't totally compatible with everyone. You've got the lucky DNA."

"That explains why me," she said. She yawned. "Thank you for watching out for me."

"It's nothing, Darcy. We need you stronger." She nodded, going back to sleep. He tested her forehead, frowning at the warmth. He'd keep track of it in case she got an infection. When one of the thugs stomped in he glared. "She's running a fever and she'll need water and food to heal," he growled. "Unless you want to waste his idea?" The thug threw a thermos at him with a smirk then left.

Bucky sniffed it and sighed. Drugged. He dipped his finger in to taste some, wincing at what it did to him. "It'll be at least a month before she can do that," he said quietly. He put it aside. They could handle it.

"If that's the same thing they tried to drug me with last time, you'll have to wear it out," she muttered. "I wore out a vibrator, made myself sore, and then had a helpful person who gave me an antidote then helped me finish wearing it out." She blinked up at him. "If you have to, I don't care and I'm not going to watch, Bucky. You do what you gotta do so we both survive."

"You're going to infect."

She nodded. "I've never had any surgery where I didn't get at least a small infection. Even oral surgery to remove my wisdom teeth." He nodded. "Just handle it. If it gets in my hair I'll figure out how to get it out of there." He snorted but pushed her head back down and covered her eyes. "Okay." She drifted off again.

Bucky could handle this for both of them. He was not going to give in to petty ploys like this. The Winter Soldier was stronger and tougher than that. He had lived through worse than this when they were testing that drug on him.

***

Steve made it back to the US first, on a stretcher because he had been shot in the upper stomach by one of the aliens. He was in the hospital, wincing as he tried to sit up against nurses' orders, when someone stomped into his room. "Who're you?" he demanded.

She smiled. "I'm Kate. The other Hawkeye." He relaxed and nodded. "We have some news on Darcy. We have no idea where she is. They managed to lose the trailer." She handed over the notes she had. "They're definitely heading down south toward Texas or Louisiana."

"Clint said he knew someone down there."

"I wish I did," she said dryly. "Then I'd call them."

"Clint's on his way back today. They just finished the clean up."

"Good." She patted him on the hands. "Get better, Rogers. The world needs more guys with manners because most of the guys these days have none. Even when their mothers tried." She went to call Clint. "She's going south. The trailer got lost by the Georgia State PD," she reported as she walked. "They reported that highway was heading toward Louisiana and Texas." She hung up. Clint had voicemail for things like this. She got onto the elevator and left, mentally swearing at the problems. She had to take Lucky out too. Plus check on Darcy's apartment. By now they surely had her kitchen done. Though it looked wrong to her untrained eye.

***

Darcy blinked awake, staring at the man leaning over her. "Who're you?" she asked in a hoarse whisper. "Water?" He helped her drink some. "James?"

"He's safe, Cher. We need to get you out of here but you're in too bad of shape to not wake first."

"Just get me out of here please. I'll gladly let you grope me later for it but damn I want out of here."

"A charming offer but not one Remy will take you up on."

She grinned. "Most guys would. I keep running into people who want my boobs so I have this bra system with pepper spray. Wish I had it when I was taken." She got helped up and held her stomach. "Ow. Okay, let's go. I'm tougher than this and you'll have to stab people for me."

"They're all unconscious and probably begging God for mercy." He walked her out, helping hold her up. James got free of those helping him and came to help her by picking her up. "She yours?" Remy asked.

"No. They wanted her to be. She's a friend. She's infected, we need to get her to an ER."

"I know a doctor. He can come when I call. We'll get you somewhere safe, James." He led his team of cousins off into the night so they could disappear. The legal ones could handle HYDRA minions when they showed up from his cousin's call. One of them stayed back to make sure they showed up promptly. Remy got them to a safehouse and called in a doctor he knew of. It took a while but he showed up with antibiotics in liquid form and some things for them to eat and wear. "Thank you."

"Welcome. They need it." He looked at James. He was looking slightly overprotective and kinda panicked. "I need to examine her. What sort of surgery was it?"

"She said her IUD punctured her uterus. They kidnaped a surgeon to fix it so HYDRA could have our kids."

"Okay. How long ago was the surgery?"

"Four days. She said she's never had a surgery that didn't infect. Even tooth removal ones."

"That's not that unusual." He looked at her stomach, nodding. "She had an excellent surgeon."

"I told him not to risk himself," Darcy said, moving some. "Ow, please quit. I don't have my tazer on me but I will kick and bite."

The doctor smiled at her. "It's good you're spunky. It means you'll heal, young lady. I'm not with HYDRA."

"Oh thank you, God," she moaned. "Antibiotics please? And maybe something for the ripping pains?"

"I can do that. Open." She did and he measured out a dose of both liquids, letting her suck them off the spoon. He handed them to James. "One spoonful of the antibiotic every four hours. The other stuff every six. Even if it wears out it's real strong." He nodded. "Good boy. You injured?"

"That wouldn't have served their purposes. They only mildly played with things like a drug that caused lust when they gave us some soup."

"Same stuff that they got me with when I was in Chicago. Coulson or May knows what it was and I got some sort of antidote." Darcy waved a hand and yawned. "How long before I can go home? I have to check on the kids I tutor."

"A few days at the least, young lady, and I need you flat on your back. Your friend can watch you if he wants." She nodded, looking up at him. He nodded back, staring at the doctor. "We can call someone to get you home quietly. Who was this stupid?"

"HYDRA," James said. "I was their asset once."

"I remember that news, son." He patted him on the metal shoulder. "You're safer now. There's people they don't want to go up against."

"I'm going to be one of those," Darcy said, nodding some. The drugs were making her feel light headed. "I probably already piss them off by avoiding them. I lasted going on two years."

"That's a good thing," Remy said. He tucked them in, looking at the doctor. "I can call up there."

"The news I heard on the way over said that team's on the way home and half are seriously injured this time. Call some mutual friends." Remy nodded, going to do that. He smiled at her. "You'll be fine, little one." She nodded, yawning again. "Good. You rest." He left, pointing at the food then giving Bucky a pointed look. He nodded he'd get her to eat something soon. The doctor left, listening to Remy try to talk to someone. "Agents or otherwise?"

"Remy not know any SHIELD people worth anything," he said bluntly.

"Point. You know others who might know one."

"They won't like Wade much either."

"Call Barton," Bucky called. "She's friends with him and still has numbers."

"Remy can do that but he's knocked out. Natasha became a growly spider."

"She hates me anyway," Darcy called. She wobbled out to look at him, then took the phone and dialed a number from memory. "Matt? It's Darcy. I got saved with Bucky. I'm sick as shit and somewhere safe. Can you let others know and thank them for helping me and Clint? Thanks, man." She hung up. "His office voicemail." She wobbled back to bed and climbed back in, making Bucky move. "Go eat. You haven't eaten in days and it's already affecting your weight. I'm going to sleep the sleep of the heavily drugged."

"I can watch over you," Bucky said.

Darcy blinked at him. "If you want to, go ahead, but eat! Before you end up sick too." He nodded, settling down to eat most of the food that was brought. He saved the soft things for her. Remy brought in some rolls and left with a small grin. She was definitely spunky.

***

Kate got met on top of a building by a guy wearing a mask. "Hey. News?" she asked hopefully. "Clint's still unconscious and Natasha's being a bitch about anyone seeing him."

"She left a message, sounded pretty drugged up, but she said she's rescued and safe and so is Bucky."

"YES!" Kate cheered, jumping up and down. "Finally, something good happens!" He smiled and left her to it. "Thanks."

"Welcome."

"You might warn someone that she's going to sue the guys that screwed up her kitchen. They somehow put upper cabinets on the floor with a really ugly countertop on it that I know she wouldn't use and no upper cabinets. I checked earlier."

"I know people who'll love to help her with that," he agreed, smiling back at the perky young thing. He remembered being her age.

Kate found what she was needing to hit and shot an arrow at the asshole, in the butt too because she was feeling generous. That let her go rescue the SHIELD agent that was hostage. She brought her to the same hospital the Avengers were hiding in, handing her to the nurse. "She's an agent. She was hostage for over two weeks. I think her name's May. Last name is May. Someone asked me to deliver her."

"Thank you, miss. We can take it from here."

"Sure." She walked off, listening in case the nurse turned out to be a problem. She called others to come get their newest admit.

Kate walked off the elevator on the Avengers unit, nodding at an agent she knew. She paused in front of another one. "May's downstairs." He ran off to check on her. She went into the captain's room, staring at him until he blinked at her. "They're safe. She called and said they're safe." He smiled and drifted off again. "Must be good drugs." He nodded. She smiled and went to tell the other fussy sort. She could hear Clint complaining his dog was nicer to him than Natasha was. "Thankfully he loves my couch and pizza just as much as yours," she said from the doorway.

Clint stared at her. "You have news. You're perky."

"I rescued the SHIELD lady. She's in the ER."

"Is that why you're perky?" Natasha asked dryly.

"No, I'm perky because I'm not a bitch to my friends," she shot back. "She's safe. She called Matt and she's safe somewhere with him."

"Thank you," Clint sighed, smiling and relaxing. He winced, holding his arm that was cramping. Kate came in to work on the knots. "You're good at that. You should do that instead of this job, Katie."

"Shut up, Clint. Before I feed your dog something to give him the runs the night you get home."

"Don't be mean to him," he complained. "He's a good dog."

"He's a very good dog," she agreed, smiling at him. "I like Lucky more than I like you most of the time. That's why I steal him for my morning runs." She got the cramp out and stared at him. "Better?"

"Much. Thanks." He kissed her on the forehead. "Anything else I should hear?"

"She's going to freak the fuck out about her kitchen being messed up."

"They did?"

"Yeah, it even looks wrong to me. They *so* screwed up and the landlord came to check since I was there and he knew she was missing. He saw it and told me why it was wrong and moaned she was going to freak the fuck out."

"Hell."

"I warned Matt she was going to sue someone."

"Probably. Anything else we know beyond she's safe?"

"She called Matt's voicemail."

"Why not my phone or Scott's?" he demanded.

"She might not remember the number since you're on speed dial and when I tried to call to tell you I got the wicked bitch over there." She head-nodded at Natasha. "She growled at me for daring to try to let you know."

Clint glared at Natasha, who huffed off. He stared at her. "It's complicated."

"Natasha's jealous," she said. "She's a woman and having a womanly moment of jealousy because you're Natasha's bestie and Darcy's getting close to you. It's how we work sometimes, Clint. Trust me, I am a woman." She stood back up straighter. "Now, you, back in bed. Right now." He huffed but climbed back into the bed. "Good. Let me go finish my patrol." She climbed out the window and out the fire escape, waving at the nice webbed guy she had met and figured out who he was. He wasn't as big of a prick as she thought he would be.

Clint shook his head, staring at the hallway. "You know, I can have other friends and it doesn't hurt our friendship," he said quietly. Natasha glared at him but stayed out there. "Fine. We can talk once I'm out of here." She walked off shaking her head. Clint shook his own head and rested again. He hated hospitals. He spent way too much time in them. But at least Darcy was okay. He could relax about one stressful thing in his life.

***

Darcy woke up when someone opened the door, staring at the woman there. "Who're you?" she mumbled.

"I'm Marie," she said, coming in to test her forehead with her gloved hand. "You're warm, sweetie."

"Infection. I'm being good and taking the drugs." Bucky woke up with a flinch. "Hey. Calm down. I know about this one. Someone told me about her." He stared at her then checked his watch, grabbing her meds. "Thank you, James."

"Welcome," he said quietly. He helped her take them both then looked at the young woman. "Who're you?"

"Marie," she said with a smile. "Remy sent for me in case she needed more girlish help."

"Not having my period yet," Darcy admitted. "Just a few days post surgery and I was having it the day they kidnaped me."

"That happens. You rest. Want some food soon?"

"Please," James said. "And weapons? Just in case?"

"If they come in here, they've made one hell of an enemy since the Queen Assassin owns this house," she said, smiling at him. "She's flirting with Remy right now but said she enjoyed guests and hated HYDRA already." He nodded. "I'll see what I can do about weapons though. I know you're still paranoid."

"Telepath?" he guessed.

She giggled, shaking her head. "Not my skill, sweetie." She went to get them some soup and brought it back, her making sure she ate first so he wouldn't be paranoid about her poisoning them. "There, you eat and rest some more. We'll get you removed up north again pretty shortly." She left, going to talk to Remy. "She's resting again. He's eating," she told him. "He wanted weapons just in case."

Remy nodded. "James is paranoid for a good reason. We can get them up north. She's got a place in New York."

Darcy came wobbling out, hugging him and Marie then smiling at the woman on the throne. "Thank you for your help, ma'am."

"You would've made a fine one of mine, dear."

Darcy shook her head but was smiling. "My mother taught me to care for people. Taking them out was only if I had to."

The Queen of Assassins laughed but nodded. "The world benefits from that approach as well, Miss Lewis."

"Thank you. I can call someone to arrange for us to get up north to New York."

"We can fly you out," Remy said. "Fake ID's and all."

Darcy shook her head. "I have a SHIELD file or two. Plus I'm pretty well known after having to deal with the idiot slimeball politician. It'd be safer if we went up in a camper so we could hide."

He nodded. "Not a bad idea. I have no idea how to get one of those."

"I call my step-aunt and have her rent me one. Then I'd need someone to drive because I sure can't and James needs to stay out of view too." He stalked out, picking her up and carrying her off. "I'm fine, James. We're working on how to get back to New York."

"I shouldn't. It'll cause more problems."

She swatted him on the head. "Shut up. I can't make the trip myself and Steve wants to nag you for a few hours, then you can escape." He snorted but looked amused. "Frustrated Steve draws. Worried Steve paces and doesn't eat."

"Damn it, the punk's screwed up," he muttered.

"Yup. And somehow when he's worried he jogs twenty-something hours a day by gossip I've heard. So you need to come up for a few days."

"Fine. Nag."

"Yes I do." She smiled. "I honed it on Jane." He snorted, tucking her back in and went back to talk to those people to see how he could help get them home. He was tired of being helpless. He had to do something he could control.

***

Darcy met up with someone on her stoop five days later, leaning on the railing as she looked at the girl playing with the dog. "Should I worry that you're hanging out here instead of next door?" she asked.

"Darcy!" She hopped up to hug her. "No. Clint's upstate and they're fighting again so I'm protecting Lucky." She smiled. "Until you got here." She pulled back to look at her. "You look like shit."

"I'm coming off the infection. Is that doctor okay?"

"He's good. He spilled far and wide about what happened and why he was taken and how you ordered him not to risk his life for you. Some people thought it meant you were going with it, most don't."

"There's always people like that, Kate. Most of them are men."

"Mostly this time too." She looked at her. "Don't yell and scream about the kitchen. I've been working on it with your landlord and we have people for you to call since you're home. And your lawyer's already suing them."

"They didn't put in my kitchen?"

"Not all of it and they screwed up what they did do." Darcy winced but nodded. "C'mon, let's go upstairs. Lucky, inside time." He was growling at a guy staring at them. "Oh, great. You guys."

Darcy looked at him. "I'm just now home from being kidnaped and I'm pretty homicidal. Go. Away. Please." He stepped back, holding up his hands. "What do you want?" she sighed.

"You're that mean chick with the tazer."

"Yes I am."

"You got it now?"

"Do you really think my kidnapers brought it with me?" He smirked. She pulled a gun instead. "I picked a little something up on the way home." He nodded and strolled off. She leaned on Kate to get upstairs, Lucky against her free side. "I hate most men right now," she decided.

"Don't blame ya there," Kate agreed. "Most of them suck. You know a few who don't."

"Yeah but they're taken."

"Point." She got her inside. Darcy paused to stare at her kitchen and moaned. "We're working on it."

"Where's the other half of my cabinets!"

"They decided you were probably dead so they kept them to sell," Kate said. "Your lawyer knows. He found them in their workshop area when he went to yell for you." Darcy sighed, nodding as she trudged to the shower and then into bed. Kate settled next to her with the dog. "Guard duty," she quipped. She took a picture of Darcy and sent it to Clint's phone. She got back a terse 'tomorrow' and shrugged. "He's in a bad mood." She showed Darcy the message.

"That's a Stark message."

Kate smiled and sent a second one saying that if Clint was turning into Stark, she'd have to do an exorcism. She got back a 'not funny' and 'tell Darcy to rest'. She showed her. Darcy nodded through a yawn and fell asleep there. Lucky shifted over to get cuddled so that was sweet of him. Kate sat up reading something from Darcy's shelves while she watched over her. She heard the door open and looked out there. "Crap, who is that," she muttered, going to check. She ran into Steve Rogers. "She's back."

"Good! Is she okay? And is Bucky with her?"

"I didn't ask that part." He walked around her and she shot him in the butt, making him scream. "Captain America has a bounce worthy ass that people would pay for. You have flab. So I doubt you're him, dude."

Darcy blinked awake, sitting up to stare at him. "That's that evil dick that was after Pepper." She laid down, petting Lucky. "You're a good boy, Lucky. Thank you for the puppy cuddles. The auntie feels like crap." He lapped her and she quit holding him so tightly. He relaxed, she fell back asleep, and Kate took pictures for Clint. Including of the guy on the floor.

Upstate, Stark glared at the phone that was going off again. He stared at the new picture then at the guy across the room, holding up the phone. "You have a twin?"

"No," he said, coming over to take the phone. "Isn't that the guy that was going after Pepper?"

Stark snatched it back, nodding. "It is. Great. Well, Bishop shot him in the ass for her." He forwarded that picture to Pepper, making her shriek. He forwarded the earlier one and that got a happier noise but she was going to stomp on the guy that was bothering people she knew. "Pep's mad," he quipped. "She'll go handle that and Lewis."

"She was kidnaped, Tony," Steve reminded him.

"She let them do the surgery."

"They would've killed the doctor," he shot back.

Clint walked in. "Steve's right, it was to save his life and hers." He snatched his phone, staring at it. "Huh." He walked off texting Kate, who quipped funny things back. "She's still really sick, she's clutching Lucky like he's stuffed. I need to go save my dog." He left, going back to the city. Natasha was still huffy but he couldn't cure that for her and she wouldn't talk to him.

Stark shook his head. "You sure she didn't have plans?"

"If she had wanted Bucky she could've jumped him any time he showed up in her apartment while triggered," Steve said, sounding bitter. "I'm very sure she didn't want him, Stark." He walked off. "Aren't you supposed to be close to her? Or is that the liquor talking?"

Stark stomped off to talk to Bruce, who told him Steve was right. If he had been in Darcy's place you go along to stay alive and you try to keep the other hostages alive as well. It's how people were taught to handle hostage situations. You didn't make waves and you escaped at the first chance. Stark went to sulk in his lab instead.

***

Clint walked into Darcy's place just after dawn. He had paused to shower and change at his own. Lucky barked so he went to save his poor dog. Who was between the two napping women and being cuddled. "Aww, are you being girl cuddled," he said with a grin. Lucky barked and nipped Darcy's hand gently, getting free of her so he could run over to bounce around his master and get his rightful pets. Clint settled in to pet his poor dog. "Did they nap on you? You're a good friend, Lucky." He got lapped and his dog settled next to him on the couch. Barnes came in off the fire escape. Clint stared at him. "You okay?" he asked quietly.

"I'm good. I'm watching over her. And the young thing."

"That's Kate, she sometimes takes my call sign and bow."

He nodded. "Stevie?"

"Upstate at the facility."

"Damn."

"He'll be here soon. Stark pissed him off earlier and he's friends with Darcy too."

"Thanks. I'm..." He pointed. Clint nodded so he went back outside. It was safer and easier out there.

Clint relaxed, idly stroking the dog while going through his phone to erase things he didn't need. He was running out of room for new numbers.

***
Part 8 by voracity
Kate went to the tutoring class that night, all smiles and carrying cookies. "Guys, Darcy's officially back but she's still fighting an infection so it'll be about a week before I turn her back over to you guys." They smiled and settled in to get to work while nibbling. "Darcy also said thank you," she said with a nod toward one. "For the number to the local vo-tech carpentry class. They'll be installing her kitchen the right way later this week. She's seriously pouty about her kitchen. Thankfully the stove and fridge work even if it's a wreck. She was making bread earlier but it was so tough you couldn't even use it as croutons. Then she made the cookies for tonight and she hugged me for keeping you guys going. She's kinda cuddly when she's sick." A few giggled. "Thankfully Clint didn't mind that she hogged his dog to cuddle all day."

"Think she'll get a society dog?" one of the boys asked. "I can't see her with a yappy purse thing."

"Nah. She's more likely to go adopt something huge that's going to die in a shelter." Kate smiled. "Clint suggested that earlier so he could get his dog back."

"What kind was it?" that kid teased.

Kate grinned. "It's a husky looking thing. She found it online. Clint was telling her how much problems that smart of a dog could be. His retriever mix is really too smart for anyone to deal with some days. This afternoon, Clint ordered lunch and Lucky decided to sneak most of the pizza for himself. He carried the box off to the bedroom without us realizing and went to eat on the bed like a teenager. I think the only one who noticed when he was sneaking off was Darcy. That's when she switched to cookies."

One of the girls smiled, hiding it in her workbook. "He was cute when you brought him, Kate."

"Lucky's really sweet. We go to jog in the mornings so we can stare at cute people in the park. He's even picked me out a few to flirt with." The kids all laughed but got back to work.

Clint strolled in with a box of pastries, putting them down. "Vegan fruit stuff, guys, so supposedly healthy while still having frosting." He handed Kate her phone. "You dropped it outside."

She hugged him. "Thanks, Clint. Guys, this is Clint Barton." A few of the kids were staring at him. Clint grinned back. Kate looked at her messages. "Oooh, I have a meeting tonight. Thankfully my stuff's in the car."

"You're *working*?" one of them asked.

Kate leaned closer, winking at him. "I'm an archer too," she said quietly. He shivered. "Yeah. It's cool though. Don't worry about it." She sat back up. "No dog?"

"I'm getting her a dog of her own," Clint said. "She'll enjoy it and the landlord agreed it'd be cute. So if she has to travel for something you'd get to watch two sometimes."

"That's fine, as long as they get along."

"I told her she could bring Lucky when she went to pick them out to make sure they could get along." He patted Kate on the head. "Go. I can do this. Scott's coming too because he picked up new workbooks for her earlier on his way over to nag her."

"It's sweet he does," Kate said.

"How does Darcy know avengers?" one of the girls asked, putting down her book. "I figured she'd know Stark, they've been photographed together and she said she grew up near where he lived and all."

"Nah, we met Darcy when she was a science intern for Jane, Thor's girlfriend." He grinned. "She had to do a lot of nagging to make sure Jane was eating and all that good stuff. Then she gradually started to bake and cook for the rest of us."

"Movie nights," Kate agreed. "For the whole team."

Clint nodded. "She's really good to talk to so we kinda used her to talk out problems. We didn't always appreciate her, including Jane, but she was a sweet lady then. Then she had to get stubborn thanks to HYDRA and all that stuff. We kinda miss her being the sweet lady that just walked up to you and hugged you because you looked pouty according to her."

"She is a bit hard," Kate agreed. "But it's healthier with the things she's been through."

The kids all looked at each other then her. "She's still mostly sweet."

"Yeah but before she left Jane, she'd just taze you," Clint said. "We made sure she could shoot in case something happened. Now, she'll fight back a lot harder because she knows that they're coming for her instead of her being a civilian in the way."

"She probably had some of that before," one of the girls said. "She said she had that death threat back in college. Plus she was a runaway for a bit."

Clint nodded. "I heard. Sometimes it's safer if you run. I did at one time and it saved me, plus taught me a lot."

Kate patted him on the arm. "You had some fun."

"I did. It was hard but I did have some fun." He sat down. "We do try to be just normal people most of the time. Darcy made sure we remembered we were more than avengers by reminding us of normal things like really good coffee and just sleeping in some mornings." They nodded. "I know Scott worked with her in Chicago a few times. Mostly we sent him to guard her when the threats got too bad because he was less known. He worked with her tutoring group out there too."

"That's nice of him," Kate agreed. "He's a nice guy though. His daughter's a pisser."

"I do like Cassie. She's a bit mouthy but smart. She's the greatest friend's kid we've seen. Even Stark likes her."

The tutoring kids all shook their heads. "Darcy's been emailing with Cassie over her ideas for the holidays and making her own presents this year," Kate said with a grin. "She squealed through one earlier when she heard Darcy was home."

"How does a lady like Darcy end up looking like a hipster?" one of them asked.

"Darcy was never hung up on that stuff," another kid said with a shrug. "Like she said, old money just is and they're comfy with it. New money spends to show it off."

"Yup," Kate agreed. "We do." They smirked at her. She grinned back. "Darcy's a good role model with Clint for me." Clint messed up her hair. "Hey!" She hit him on the arm before straightening it out.

Clint grinned at the kids. "It's cool, guys."

"Is that slimy guy gonna make her bankrupt like he has others who're suing him?"

"No," Kate said, shaking her head. "She's worth more and she might do it to him." They all grinned and got back to the workbooks with more cookies. Scott came in and put down workbooks, getting a few shy smiles back. "Thank you, Scott."

"Welcome. Darcy said she can come back in about two weeks, guys. She's got to let the infection die off first and she's got a thing next weekend for a friend's wedding." They all nodded, passing out the new workbooks. "And if you need me to help her, let me know," he told Kate. "I worked with her kids in Chicago a lot."

"Thanks," one of the girls said quietly.

Scott smiled. "Guys, I'm not the saint that Darcy pretends to be. She's sweet and all but not angelic, but I'm not that way at all. We all know I have a history." He smiled at the kid in the room, who grinned and waved back. "You're cute. Are we reading stuff to you?"

"Sometimes," the dad said. "I'm babysitting."

"If it's your kid, it's called being a dad," Scott told him, patting him on the shoulder. "We all do it for our kids. Darcy's former class used to have a lot of kids that came in to work with their parents so they understood that learning's a good idea. She'd never mind if you're doing dad duty during it. She'll even sit there and read to the kids if you guys are working on something."

"That's good to know. She's kinda goofy about the sprout."

"Darcy loves kids," Clint said with a slight shrug. "She's womanly that way. She might have a few some year if she can get HYDRA off her ass."

"Why would she let them do the surgery?" that boy asked, putting down his pen.

"If you're being mugged do you fight back if they've got a gun on you?" Kate asked. He shook his head slowly. "They had them hostage. They were going to do the surgery one way or another. They could've tortured her then done it. If the doctor had protested they would've made him do it after probably taking someone he liked hostage to make sure he did it right." That guy slumped, grimacing. "Her words to him were 'don't do anything heroic'; it saved him. It saved her some torture. It saved them capping the doctor."

Clint nodded. So did Scott. "That's what they tell you to do when there's a hostage situation. You go along quietly so they don't pay attention to you and you don't get overly hurt. You escape when you have your chance. You try to protect your fellow hostages if you can or the vulnerable if you can't," Scott said. "She was protecting them both and the doctor was able to not freak out so he didn't get capped."

"NYPD stopped HYDRA from taking his wife a few days after they got him," Clint said. "They're not against torturing her with him being forced to watch. The only thing they couldn't do was torture him in a way that would've meant he couldn't perform the surgery. Darcy could've kicked up a fit but that would've gotten her tortured and that would've made it harder to escape when the opportunity came."

"Darcy said she shot back a lot because the doctor was an idiot," Kate quipped with a grin for them. "He didn't understand that a woman's cycle meant she wasn't fertile then. That they couldn't have gotten her pregnant without the surgery, because they threatened to try. They tried to drug Barnes into taking her right after the surgery. She said it was the same stuff she got hit with in Chicago."

"We can make sure he's got the antidote," Scott said. "That's some nasty stuff."

Clint nodded quickly. "Very." He looked at the kids again. "Sometimes you gotta play the game a tiny bit to make it easier on yourself. In this case, she stayed calm and plotted. She used the surgery to avoid their plans, and the cycle thing to give them more time to try to get away. She had to give them facts and she said the doctor got *really* mad about it. He sneered that she had reasons to stall."

"So if they had gotten their way, she would've come back pregnant," one of them said.

Kate nodded. "It would've made it harder to get away but yeah. That was the end plan."

"It could've been anyone."

"Actually, they've figured out something about genetic compatibility," Scott said. "It'd make their kids stronger and possibly pass on the serum somehow." He shrugged. "I don't know why but she fit a narrow definition but she did. They've been trying now for just about two years."

"Two years?" one of the girls demanded. Scott and Clint both nodded. "Why?"

"Because they wanted something specific," Clint said. "She fit a tiny little list of things and there's not many who would. They took others to see if it'd work and it didn't. They had a rash of kidnaping actresses at first while trying to get her."

"Let me guess, they were going to make it seem like the forties for him?" one of the boys guessed. Everyone nodded. "Not many women have that sort of class these days." He leaned back in his chair. "I might not have let them fix that problem at all."

"It could've killed her," Kate said.

"Oh. That sucks. Darcy's a nice lady." Scott grinned and nodded. "Does she bake for you guys?"

"Used to make us cookies and fudge after things," Clint quipped. "If I got to keep them before someone stole it, it was a great day." They snorted but ate some of the pastries so they could get back to work. Scott settled in to help a few of them with a few problems. Clint got to read to the kid and Kate was texting with her buddies before getting back into tutoring in english.

***

Darcy walked into her lawyer's office, smiling at the receptionist, who stared at her oddly. "He told me to show up today for an update."

"He's in with a client but I'll let him know you're here, Miss Lewis." Darcy nodded, going to sit down. The receptionist sent back an IM to her boss. He had forgotten she was coming apparently. He had a client back there and another one working on a bit of paperwork in the conference area.

When Darcy finally got back there, she looked amused. "Thanks for working me in."

"It's all right and you're one of the bigger clients I have right now." He pulled out two folders. "We have the two suits. One's been settled by that company. They paid back all the money you paid them." He slid over the information and check.

Darcy looked it over, nodding as she tucked the check into her bag. "That's good. I got the vo-tech kids to fix it. They even moved the misplaced stuff really fast. It took them a little over a day and one noted that a window was a bit crooked so they've fixed that too and I paid them for it." She smiled at him. "How's the other one?"

"He sneered you probably wanted it."

"I can only imagine what would've happened if I was gone long enough to get knocked up." She grimaced. "Is he sorry yet?"

"Not exactly but he's sweating some. We have enough on him to put him in prison." She smiled and patted his wrist. "Are you going to have other problems?"

"They tried to cancel my accounts and things but they couldn't without my consent. I've spent the morning talking about that problem and making sure it was all right and going to my usual GP to check on the infection. He called that other doc and he apologized but I apologized back for being a patient of his that got him kidnaped. So I'll be okay in a few weeks."

"Are we putting up more protections against your kidnaping?"

"I've got a lot in place and I'm putting up a security system and a safe room today while I'm out and about." He smiled. "The people who're doing it were recommended by a commando team and they've done my other safe rooms."

"That's good. Should we be worried about you getting a bodyguard?"

"Honestly, they'd be really bored most of the time and I hire one whenever I need to."

"That's a smart thing. You're probably safe most of the time."

"I usually am. I've barely had to use my panic button to my security system. My life's become hugely boring thanks to this problem and trust me if I could end it, I'd have blown them up by now."

"I understand that, Darcy. Are you okay?"

"Still a bit fevered from the infection but it's clearing up." She signed a few things and handed them back. She paused, reading one then ripping it up. "I saw that." He winced. "Your senior partner?"

"Likes the slimebag."

"Ah. Pity about his taste but I know you have better taste than that."

"I try," he agreed. "Anything else for today?"

"Two things." She smirked evilly as she dug out a file. "The doctor behind the kidnaping and breeding plot. I'm going to make him miserable. Would you like you to help?" She grinned. "On both mine and Bucky's behalf?"

"I'd love to get him in trouble," he agreed, looking that information over. "Ooooh, I think that'll be a nice thing to start with his licences. He's a vet."

She grinned. "Which is why he didn't understand how female humans worked for breeding purposes." She pointed. "The second's on the last page." He read it and moaned, looking at her. "He does more than like the slimebag," she said quietly. "And I've already told someone else but they're a bit busy so you have maybe a day and it'll mean you can move up."

"I could definitely like that, Darcy. Thank you."

She air kissed his cheek. "You have fun with the happy evil moment. I'm going to go grocery shopping. I'm out of things to nibble." She winked and got up, strolling out.

The lawyer went into the boardroom. "We need to talk right now," he said. "Because my client's being vindictive against HYDRA taking her." He snorted but looked amused. "Yeah, she found out you're HYDRA." He blinked, staring at his junior lawyer. Who just stared back. "And she knows SHIELD agents. So you've got maybe a day."

"Stupid meddling idiots," he muttered, getting up. "It won't change anything."

"It will," he said. "She's very vindictive and she knows Avengers as well."

The higher up snorted and waved a hand. "They won't stop me."

The agent in the doorway smiled. "Yes I will be. I've got agents showing up to gather all your files." She looked at the junior guy. "We knew she was going to tell you. You passed the background check. Pity both of the senior partners are infected though. I'm not sure what'll happen with that level of infection."

"I need to tell the other lawyers," he said. "We can stay out of the way."

"Yes you can," Melinda May said with a smile. "Thank you for that." He nodded hurrying to get the others together. The agents were already coming in to get into their files. The two HYDRA people were arrested. That lawyer came back to hand her that file. She read it over, humming. "That's very nice to know. What did Darcy want you to do with that?"

"Make him miserable."

"Please do," she agreed with a smile. "We can arrest him when he comes out to defend himself." He smiled, going to work on that with the other lawyers. Darcy's case was clearly not going to be tainted by that. Their reputations would have to be rebuilt but they were all known to be excellent, ethical lawyers.

Melinda May looked at what the agents were gathering for her, nodding at some of that. "That's very interesting. That's how they got her new address. From the lawsuit's files." They got back to work while she called that in.

***

Coulson was there when Darcy came back, nodding at her. "I have the antidote for Barnes," he told her when she opened the door to find him.

"You had better not have bypassed my security system the same way May did. Clint found out she disabled it."

"I did not. I told them I was an agent coming in to talk to you about your kidnaping. I watched them put in the last of it." He sat down on the couch. "The kitchen looks nice."

She smiled. "It does. It's my poor baby I need to clean." She came in and dropped her bag on the dining table then went to open the fire escape window. "James?" she called quietly. He looked down from the roof. "Coulson wants to see you. He has something for you." He nodded, coming down. She got out of the way, going to change and closing the door to give them privacy. The saferoom setup was on her bedroom so she looked at it, nodding at what she saw. There was a slide out metal door that would block the regular door from opening plus make it bulletproof. The walls had something laid over them that was probably bulletproof but at least it was white so it didn't make the room dark. She went into the bathroom to wash her face then came out to change her shirt and get comfortable.

Coulson looked at him. "I'm Phil Coulson. I'm the former agent over the Avengers and now the head of SHIELD. Do you know anything about that drug they gave you after her surgery?"

"Just that it keeps popping up to make me horny," he admitted, sitting across from him. Phil handed him an envelope, letting him read it. "I only tasted it on my fingertip."

"I can give you the antidote shot. It'll work if you've broken the need at least twice."

"By myself."

"That works. It did when they tried to dose Darcy in Chicago." Bucky stared at him. "She got a larger dose of half the formula, just the part that reacted to your body chemistry. The other half that makes it stick around was in a package that they managed to avoid."

"That's good to know. Will it work with the serum?"

"Yes. We made sure. I have a science team on my personal team and they did all the work on the antidote when we found out HYDRA had that." Bucky nodded, moving his shirt so he could get to his arm. Coulson handed over the syringe. "It's into the muscle. I figured you didn't want someone else to inject you with anything ever again."

"Not really," he agreed, giving himself the shot. He sighed. "How long before it works?"

"A few hours at most. Go wear it out and it'll help. Even by yourself." Bucky nodded once. "I can watch over her for a bit until someone else gets here. I like Darcy. I always found her quirky but sweet."

"Darcy, I need to go for a bit," he called.

She opened the door, staring at him. "That's fine, James. You go do what you need to do and do James things. I'm fine. I'm here and it's safe. My safe room's in." He nodded at that. "I need to get groceries but I was too tired so I'll get them tomorrow. I was about to order dinner from the mob place up the street. We know they're not HYDRA." James snorted but smiled a bit, escaping again. "Thanks, Coulson."

"Welcome. Thank you for finding that out about your lawyer's coworkers."

"I'm sorry if it hurts his career."

"It shouldn't. He put out a statement that most of the lawyers in the firm weren't aligned with the senior partners and their bad habits." He shifted to look at her. "Are you better?"

"The infection's clearing up. My GP put me on a stronger antibiotic. I talked to the surgeon. He's not mad at me. He said I shouldn't need another follow up and referred me to another GYN who can put me on something that's not an IUD."

He nodded. "That's safer just in case. With your luck they could put someone in a club."

"I haven't been able to club in a while, Coulson. I'm so bored sometimes but it's safer."

"We do pay for safety," he agreed. "Maybe we can get them down sooner for you."

"I'll gladly turn in any I find."

"Thank you. Those two led to a whole unit of HYDRA soldiers and the rest of their law team plus a few higher ups. It was a good bust and Melinda is smirking in evilness." She grinned. "It's good they found you. We'd have missed you."

"I had a nightmare last night that we didn't get free until I was six months along and I had to fight against the stupid slimeball who said me keeping the kid meant I wanted it."

"Some people will always think that way. We both know that," he said. She nodded. "How is that suit going?"

"Good. My lawyer's a good guy and he's having fun helping me be evil." She shifted with a wince.

"No painkillers?"

"No. I don't need any. If it's too painful the infection's picking up."

He nodded. "Point. Is there anything that'll make you safer?"

"Find the rest of them and end them?" she asked.

He smiled. "I'm trying, Darcy. You know that." She nodded. "I promised I'd stay until someone else showed up."

"I don't have a babysitter."

"Clint's going out of town so you're probably getting Lucky again."

"Clint scowled I was cuddling Lucky too hard."

"I'm sure it'll be fine," Coulson promised. "Clint gets scowly a lot recently." She gave him a pointed look. "It's the battles," he agreed.

"I used to be sweet and fluffier until they started around me too," she agreed.

"And much more quirky but less quiet," he said.

"I can't really get loud when there's people hunting for me. That's stupid."

"It can be but you're safe enough usually. You could go out to some higher class clubs."

"It's probably safer if I went to a rave," she said. "More people but the crowd can get a bit protective if they see someone be dragged off."

"Point. If you want, that'd probably be fine." Someone knocked on the door and he stood up.

She got up and shoved him back onto the couch. She checked then opened the door, hugging the young, blond man there. "Hi, Jensen."

"Darcy." He looked over her shoulder with a nod. "Coworker?"

"Director of SHIELD," she said. She let him and Pooch in, smiling and waving at the baby Pooch. "Hi, snookums." The baby grinned at her and waved back. "You're so smart, sweetie." She took him to cuddle, going back to the couch. "Phil Coulson, Jensen and Pooch."

Coulson blinked at Jensen. "I knew someone said that Steve Rogers had a nearly identical twin."

He grinned. "I get asked that a lot and the army really did try very hard to figure that out." He flopped down beside Darcy, hugging her. "Are you okay?"

"Nearly off the antibiotics, and look, my kitchen's actually in," she said with a grin and a point.

He laughed. "That's good. How are you really?"

She stared at him. "I'm kinda really pissed and upset and I'm ready to buy some nukes and hit HYDRA with them. But I shouldn't do that, it'd lead to collateral damage and I'm not the great evil Darcy today." She cuddled the baby. "It sucks ass, Jensen. It really does. And they endangered my kids by showing up at a tutoring session as an agent!"

"He was an agent," Phil said. "Just not of the agency he was pretending to be. We've since gotten him and his partner arrested. And no, no nuclear devices, Darcy. At all."

"Fine."

"Thank you. Make them miserable."

She looked at him. "It'd be hard of me to give them food poisoning to make them slower."

He smiled. "Not a horrible idea. We should try that before the next raid." He grinned at Pooch. "I don't bite and I've fed your team some information recently about that Max thing. We'd really like him to go away as well."

"Wow, now I have three assholes I want to take out," Darcy complained. "Stupid politician guy, Max, and HYDRA. Whatever shall I do, guys? Should I turn evil?" The baby cackled so she grinned at him. "Yes, I can be evil. All women can be evil when we're pushed to it, little guy, but you never have to worry about that because your daddy's a good guy and he'll teach you how to be one too."

"If not, his momma sure will," Jensen agreed. He took the baby to cuddle but he wanted Darcy so he handed him back. "Okay, cuddle the evil one there. She could use baby cuddles."

"Jensen, there's homemade danish in the fridge," Darcy said with a smile. He went to get him and Pooch some snacks. "So, am I honored to be dropped in on or are you here to stop me from becoming more evil?"

"Just checking up on you," Pooch said. "Son, want me?" he asked, patting his lap. His son scowled at him. "You look just like your momma when you do that." The baby grinned and played with Darcy's hair for her. "You're good," he told Darcy.

"I'm trying so hard to stay that way," she said with a grin for him. "I'm hoping it's all ended soon but I know it's going to take a while."

Someone kicked in the door and Jensen shot him from the kitchen before Darcy could move. "Huh," Jensen said, eating a bite of danish. "That's cute of someone. Pooch, there's cherry danish." He came in to get some while Coulson called that in. NYPD showed up and was not happy but then agents got there and they got less happy.

Darcy waved. "All we know is he kicked in the door with a gun pointed at me," she said with a slight shrug and a cuddle of the baby. "I really need to set up some sort of system that will electrocute people who shouldn't open the door. Jake?" she asked, looking at him. "Is there one or should I beg Stark to create one?"

"Not that hard. I know about one. It's got a keypad like a normal security system. You punch in the number then open the door."

"Can they make the number pad the lock keypad?" she asked. "Maybe with a fingerprint thingy?"

"I don't know. You'd have to ask the security team we referred you to."

"They just got done with my saferoom setup," she said with a smile. "It's excellent." She sniffed, looking at the baby. "That's not a good scent." Pooch came to get his son so he could change him in the bathroom. "Use mine, Pooch," she said with a point. "It's got the bigger countertop."

"Thanks, Darcy."

James came in through the window and stared at the person on the floor. "He wasn't HYDRA," he said quietly, looking at Coulson.

"No, he's a contract guy," Jensen agreed, eating another bite.

"Stevie?" James demanded.

"Jake." He grinned. "I'm told we're nearly identical." James nodded quickly. Jake came out, holding out a hand. "Jake Jensen, Tech Ops Delta."

He shook it. "How do you know Darcy?"

"She hired us to protect her after HYDRA found her in Chicago. We set her up with the people who did the saferoom stuff for her."

"He's really nice and lets me think out loud to him," Darcy said with a smile. "If he ever has to hide in a mundane life, I'm letting him live in the closet for a few weeks at least."

Jake smiled at her. "Gee, thanks."

"I'd let you have the bed if you asked. I can't assume that you want the bed."

"Point. Yeah, I'd probably want the bed. You look cuddly."

"I usually am. Clint complained I cuddled his dog too much."

Jake shrugged. "He's got pouty pet syndrome and thinks Lucky might like you more."

"Nah, Clint saved him from Russian mob guys." She shifted to curl up some and pointed. "Is that the ME? They don't have a gurney or anything." Coulson looked and had to shoot this one. One of the officers got injured and Darcy had hers out by then too. The guy died. She sighed. "I hate them. I really hate them."

Jake carefully took the gun, smiling down at her. "Let me. I'm really good at it when I have to be," he said quietly. She hugged him. "Thanks. Go hang out in your bedroom with Pooch and the baby." She went that way and they all heard the saferoom door slam shut. Jake looked at the officers, smiling and waving his gun hand. "Delta trained."

"Do you have any idea why they showed up?" one of the officers demanded.

"One of the prices on her life went up," Jake said. "We noticed it last night. Slimy politician wannabe upped it by another two mil." He went back to the danish, handing James some. "You should try it. Darcy's an *excellent* baker."

James ate and nodded. "She is good," he admitted, looking at it then eating it. He and Jake sat facing the door. "Coulson?"

"I'm fine. Just livid." He looked perfectly calm and reasonable. He was going to fuck someone up. He called in a favor. "It's Coulson," he said in greeting. "Someone upped a price on a friend's head. Lewis, yes. You heard? We've now taken out two assassins."

"Not like he'll pay them anyway. He stiffs everyone else," Jake said dryly. He smiled and waved at the ME's team. "Hey, guys. Sorry there's two but the other one tried to shoot these nice officers."

"Better we have two than theirs," one of them said, looking at the officers. "Can we remove them?"

"Please, CSU is on the way." They nodded. It wasn't too long before the crime scene team got there with the federal ones. They weren't even arguing over whose job it was. Coulson had a word with one of the federal team, getting a grimace but a nod back. They could handle this. Coulson sat back down so they could watch them work. The officers got statements and then they could go. The bodies were removed quickly enough. The crime scene team agreed the blood could be cleaned up since they had all they needed. They left and Darcy came out of the bedroom/saferoom with the baby cuddling her and Pooch behind her. They settled in to make plans in case that happened again.

Jake agreed with Clint, Darcy could use a protective dog sort of creature and friend in her life.

***

Jake looked at Darcy once they were alone. Pooch had went to cuddle his wife with his son before they had to check in with Clay. Coulson had went back to his office to do evil Coulson things. James was back on the roof. "I looked at a breed selector site. It spit out seven breeds. One of those popular designer crossbreeds and six other normal ones. Aussie sheppard of course because they show up on all searches. The designer cross is called a goldmation."

She considered it. "Dalmation and goldie?" He nodded. "Clint's dog Lucky is kinda goldie like. What're the others?"

"Pembroke Welsh Corgi?"

She considered it. "I can imagine a HYDRA goon laughing that a corgi was attacking them but they're cute. I can see that."

"Chesapeake Bay retriever," he offered.

"Water dog.... No, not really into water most of the time outside my tub. I'd hate to have to fight the dog for my bath."

"Black Russian terrier," he said with a grin. "Very strong dogs. Kinda stubborn."

"I'll keep that in mind. I've known a few and they were cute. Protective and cute. Not too little." She nodded, sipping some coffee. "Some grooming but not too bad."

"Two big mountain dogs. A Golden Pyrenees and an Estrela Mountain Dog."

"Hmm. Fluffy dogs. Too big?"

"Not really but hefty." She nodded at that. "Some brushing needed."

"That's an interesting list. I only know something about a few of them." She came over to sit next to him to look at the list. "Oh, good, a compare." She made her list and looked. "Let's remove the aussie and the corgi. I love corgis, they're cute and make great pet vids, but that'd be a society dog for me and I can't carry a corgi everywhere. Aussies take a lot of playing and I don't have the energy to let it run for hours on end." He grinned but nodded, taking those off. "Oh, that Pyrenees is a designer cross too." They stared at the description then shook their heads together and took that off the list. "I'm going to look at the Russian Terrier last based on comments about them being territorial and a former breeder saying they're hard to groom and trim. The goldmation seems like nice happy dog."

He looked up the local adoption societies and smiled, pointing at one. "They have a part Estela and part something for adoption." She looked and cooed. It was fawn colored with a bit of shading in the long coat. A dark mask on his face. It was adorable. "Probably a lot of brushing."

"I have nothing to do but tutor the kids." She looked up. "Wanna go adopt a dog?"

"Sure." He put his laptop into his bag and they went together. She popped over to Kate's to grab Lucky, and they ended up bringing Kate too. Jake smiled and waved at her. "Hi. Jake Jensen."

"Kate Bishop. Pet sitter sometimes." She looked at Lucky. "You're a mooch." He lapped her for that compliment. "So, where are we going?"

"We've found a dog for her to adopt," Jake said. "It'll be pretty big but it seems sweet."

"Sure. We need to make sure that they get along with Lucky." Darcy parked and they got out, heading to the shelter with Lucky on a leash, which he didn't totally mind but hated somewhat. He was good at staying with his humans. Though he smelled other dogs so it was probably to make sure they couldn't hurt him.

Darcy smiled at the woman behind the counter. "I saw your had a pretty little fawny colored half Estrela. The breed selectors said I'd probably get along well with them."

"He's going to be a huge dog, miss."

"That's okay."

"Do you have a yard?"

"A park up the street. This is Kate and a mutual friend's dog so we need to make sure that they get along."

"We can get you something smaller and easier to work with."

Darcy shook her head. "I need something to take care of. So brushing is great and all that."

"Okay. We can introduce you, see if they like you." She looked at Jake.

"I'm just the friend making sure she only brings home one."

She smiled. "That's a good idea. What other breeds popped up on the breed quiz?" she asked as she led them into the back area.

"The Black Russian Terrier." Kate burst out snickering, shaking her head. "Yeah, that was my thought too," she told her with a grin. "But they looked really stubborn and hard to train to cuddle at night from the former owners' comments on the site. There was a goldmation noted. A golden pyrenees, a pembroke welsh corgi, and an aussie sheppard."

"They seem to pop up on every breed selection quiz," Jake agreed. "With some sort of golden retriever."

"They can," the woman agreed. "You wanted alert, yet friendly, and maybe a bit of a guard dog?"

"Yeah. But they have to get along well with people because I tutor some GED needing kids."

"Okay," the shelter worker agreed. "Then it sounds like that little one's a good pick. You'll want some obedience training."

"I'm good with that. I used to scientist wrangle. It was like herding cats." The shelter worker laughed but nodded, letting that dog out of his cage. Darcy cooed, going to her knees to let the little one sniff her. "Boy?" she asked, looking up. She got lapped for it. "Aww, that's sweet, sweetheart." She cooed and cuddled him, making him a happy boy.

"Fixed, male. Just under a year so a good age for training. He's a sweetheart but he's going to be huge."

"I have a three bedroom apartment," Darcy said with a smile for her.

"That's a good bit of roaming room." She looked back at a frantic barking. "What?" she called. "Don't upset the friend's dog. It's being a good dog."

Kate went to look, smiling and petting it through the bars. "Hey, sweetie. It's okay. I promise it's okay." The dog barked at her, staring at her. "Can I see this one? My dad will shit cows but he's so cute!"

"That's a terrier mix, and is a Russian terrier mix," she said, letting Kate have that dog. Lucky came to sniff and sneezed on it. The shelter worker looked down. "What happened to your eye, little one?"

"His daddy saw him get hit by a car so he carried him to a vet and adopted him then," Kate said with a grin. "He's just out of town at the moment so I'm a part-time babysitter."

"That's sweet of you."

"I'm home," she said with a smile. "I'm the chosen puppy sitter." She brought hers back and they settled in with Lucky sniffing and licking the tinier dogs. "That one good for me, Lucky?" she asked. Lucky seemed to nod and sniffed her again, then licked her, earning a few barks from the puppy.

Darcy looked over. "You are so like her," she said with a head shake.

"Yeah, she is like the redheaded one," Kate agreed, smiling at Jake. "One of Lucky's human's friends is Russian."

"Dogs do tend to take their owner's personality," the shelter worker said.

"Wow, some day you're gonna bake then," Kate quipped to Darcy's new dog, getting lapped. Then her dog lapped her. "Thank you both. That's sweet of you." She smiled. "Do we have to do a huge application? I know some places require references and home visits."

"We're not that picky, miss. You're going to be a great pet owner or you wouldn't be the chosen pet sitter." She got them out front with the dogs on leashes Darcy bought. She paid for their fees and Jake drove them to a pet place to pick up food and toys. And some for Lucky because he was a good dog.

***

Clint came home and found a note from Kate saying that Darcy had Lucky to help civilize her new dog. He sighed but went over there. It was only in the next building. He saw the keypad being installed. "What's that for?"

"To electrocute anyone who shouldn't be opening the door," Jake said with a grin for him. "We found her a very protective dog, but he'll be pretty big and need a lot of fussing over."

"That's good." He knocked and heard dual barks. "Did you guys take Lucky with you?"

"Yeah. Kate got a part Russian Terrier. Darcy got a part Estrela Mountain dog."

Darcy opened the door with her dog in her arms. "See, he's cute."

"He's very cute," he agreed, letting the dog sniff his hand so he could pet him. "You're fuzzy too." He walked in and Lucky hopped into his lap to get his rightful cuddles. "Were you good for Kate, Lucky?"

"He was a very good boy but Kate had to go do archer things," Darcy said. "And avoid telling her dad she got a dog." She pointed. "I'm puppy sitting tonight until she gets back."

Clint looked at the quiet dog napping on the windowsill. "Okay."

"The dog gave her the same look Natasha gives you when you burst out laughing for no reason," Darcy said with a grin.

"Awww." She grinned back, petting her new dog. Jake came in to install the inside button. "Jake, how strong will that be?"

"About tazer strength," he said, smiling back at them. Darcy's dog ran over to pounce him, letting Jake play with him for now. Then the puppy ran to play with his new friends again. Lucky got down to play tug of war with the puppies.

Clint looked at her. "How big?"

"About twenty-eight or so inches high?" she said. "Purebred. No one was sure what his other half was. Or what I'm going to name him."

"He's not blond enough to be named after Thor," Clint quipped. "Or me." She grinned at him. The puppies ran back to come hop up on him to sniff him and then lap him until he had to try to get away and petted them to stop it.

Darcy snapped and the dogs stared at her. She handed over treats. "Good dogs to listen to the Darcy mommy. Very good dogs." She petted them both. They went running to Lucky, who came to get his own treat. She winked and gave him one too. "We know you're a good boy, Lucky. You're a special little guy." Lucky lapped her hand then ran back to play with the dogs. Clint rolled a ball with his toes, finding out it jingled. The puppies all stared and ran after it to bark and chase it. Darcy grinned at him for that. "The dog's going to drive you nuts. Lucky does it to me sometimes."

"I love the guy, Clint."

"That's good."

"Kate asked if he was going to bake some day if he started to take after me."

Clint nodded. "I can see you teaching your dog how to bake, yeah." Lucky ran back to leap into his lap, settling in to nap. "Did you get worn out, Lucky?" He petted him, looking around. The puppies were under the table on the footrest cuddled together. "At least they're friendly."

"They are. They love each other."

"Awww." He smirked at her. "I should take Lucky home."

"You can stay for dinner. Jake's been recalled tonight at ten."

Clint grinned but nodded. "I can do that."

Jake grinned. "The assassins early this morning pissed off your former handler," he told Clint. "He walked out looking perfectly calm and reasonable."

Clint shivered. "Wow, someone's going to pay when Coulson finds them." He looked at Darcy. Who smiled. "At least you have something to do now."

"Yup. He's a good boy. I just need to name him."

"What's their nationality?" Jake asked.

"Portugese," Darcy said. She looked up a naming site on her phone to search through. "Conor, one 'n'. Means dog lover or wolf lover. It's mythological and Irish in origin."

"Good," Clint said. "Easy to call. Not going to give you odd looks. Dog license?" he asked.

"Got the form, we'll file it tomorrow." She smiled. "Kate said she wanted to name hers after Natasha. I told her to name it something less deadly thanks to the rule of names."

"She'd be creeped out by Kate naming her dog after her." He looked at Lucky, who stretched out and shoved at him but he shifted to keep his dog on his lap. "We have food and all that stuff?"

"We hit petco," she said with a nod and a grin. "We have *everything*." Clint grinned.

"Seven bags of stuff for three dogs," Jake told him as he finished up the instal. "Okay. That should work. Now all we need is someone to test it."

"Use a piece of metal," Clint said. Jake found one and went to test it outside. They both heard him yelp and something small drop to the carpet.

"You okay, Jake?" she called.

"Yeah, it works and it's mean." He came in and kicked the piece of metal in. "That's better. Let me go clean up." Darcy hopped up to hug him, getting a grin back. "Usually I'd be doing it for Jolene but Pooch is massively overprotective of his wife." He went to clean up and get ready to leave later that night. He came out and Darcy had dinner coming out of the oven. Clint was setting the table. The dogs were staring at them from their little hidden area. Jake smiled at Clint. "One of the breeds the quiz spit out was a corgi."

"I think they're cute little wiggly balls of fur but are they more than that?"

"They hunted ground critters," Jake said. "And they're protective."

Clint nodded then shook his head quickly. "My thought was the first time someone broke in and saw the dog barking at them," Darcy admitted. "I'd get to hit them while they laughed."

"Yeah, it's likely." He got handed another plate. "James," he called. "Dinner." He came in from the roof. Darcy pointed so he went to clean up. He looked at Jake.

Jake grinned. "He did ask."

"It figures." They settled in to eat the nice pork chops baked under a pile of stuffing with mixed vegetables on the side. James came out to settle in and eat with them. "Everything okay out there?" Clint asked him.

"Yeah. I saw that smartass kid with the webs again."

Darcy nodded. "I helped patch him up one night at the old place."

"Why did he know where you live?" James asked.

"He got slammed into my bedroom window," she said.

"Oh." James nodded and stuffed his mouth.

"He's young," Darcy said.

"Yeah, I can tell," James said. Someone knocked and the dogs ran over to bark at it. James went to look, opening the door. "Does Darcy know you?"

She leaned over to look. "That's Cougar." Jake started to eat faster. "Slow down, Jake, before you choke." He slowed down and waved at Cougar, who came in to stare at the dogs. "The fluffy's one's mine, he's Conor. The darker one's Kate's dog, not named yet, and the bigger fluffy one's Lucky, Clint's dog."

Cougar nodded, letting them sniff him so he could pet all three. "You're good dogs," he said in Spanish. "Very protective." He came over to stare at Jake. "Our mission has changed some. Max has Aisha and Jolene," he said quietly. Jake inhaled dinner and Darcy got him stuff to go with him and some for Cougar too. He tipped his hat with a smile and a nod.

"Let me know if one of you guys needs to hide in my closet," Darcy reminded him.

"We will," Jake said, giving her a hug and a kiss on the cheek before following his teammate and making sure the dogs didn't join them.

"How did you find them?" James asked.

"I got given their name by someone when I was living in Chicago. HYDRA had found me in my supposedly super safe apartment so I had to move. That was after HYDRA dosed me with that lust drug and after that whole kidnaping thing they tried. They helped me find a safer apartment while guarding me and one of them went with me to DC when I had to go to an awards thing where my boss was being honored. Where I got bit by a lizard."

Clint smiled. "You looked hot."

"Thank you. Shelly said I needed to look hot for some fundraising things." She grinned. James still looked confused. "No one pays them to clean up their names from that arms dealer's thing."

Clint shook his head. "I looked that up and got pissed on their behalf." He kept Darcy from dropping pieces of pork chop to the dogs. "They don't get people food."

"It's meat."

"No."

"Fine. Sorry, guys. Daddy Clint said no food." She looked at him. "Hold on. Lucky gets pizza."

"He steals pizza." She gave him a pointed look then gave each dog a bit of pork chop. "You're setting a bad precedent."

"They know they have to earn treats." She grinned. "We're already working on the training stuff."

"Good. I need to do more of that with Lucky."

"He's been helping me with Conor's all afternoon."

"That's sweet of him. Did you teach him any tricks?"

"A few. He taught the puppies about fetch. I taught Lucky about using the shower handle by accident when we had a bath because he got into the ketchup when he was browsing for pizza."

"Well, if my dog tosses me in the shower I'll know why," he said dryly, eating something. Lucky was whining pitifully and lifted a paw while staring at him. "It's not pizza." The pathetic got turned up with the application of two others trying him. He groaned. "Guys, c'mon."

"Guys, only Lucky can beg Clint," Darcy said. "Settle down." She went to put down food for them. They all ran to snarf it down.

Clint looked at her. "Feeding during dinner. I didn't think about that." They went back to eating. James was staring at the dogs but eating. Then Darcy's new large breed dog ran over to pounce him, knocking his chair back some. Clint laughed. "Lucky does that to me too, James."

"He's just cuddly," Darcy said. "His other parent was part teddybear."

Clint shook his head but James was staring at the dog while petting it. The dog settled into his lap to nap. James stared at him but went back to eating. "I think he's comfy. He's snoring." James shook his head with a sigh.

"Yeah, I get that a lot," Clint said, looking at his innocent looking dog. "Don't I, Lucky." Lucky wagged his tail and got happy as he came over to beg his father for more food.

Darcy grinned, but pulled out dessert for them, and Steve when he got there. James was still being a comfy lap so he didn't leave fast enough.

Steve caught him before he could move. "Stay." He looked at Darcy. "Are you okay? We heard you had assassins earlier."

"They tried but the guys got them. Coulson was here when I got back. Oh, that's Conor, he's my dog. One 'n'."

"He's adorable and fluffy," Steve said, looking down at the dog. "You're going to be a big dog. You have huge paws."

Darcy grinned. "He is but he's a good dog." Conor's head popped up over the edge of the table. "You are. You're a good boy. So is Kate's doggy. She's a good girl." That one barked at her from the floor. Darcy smiled, handing her a dog treat. The other two got one too and they settled in to nibble and rest. James still didn't get his lap back but Conor was apparently comfy.

Steve smiled at his best friend then at Darcy. "Do we know who they were?"

"No, but Coulson got really pissed off. He went totally unemotional."

Steve blinked a few times. "Okay. I can ask him if it's related."

"He didn't think it was HYDRA related. It was likely related to the politician slime."

"Ah," Steve said with a nod. "He is an idiot." He sat down in the free chair, looking at the dog. "He seems very comfy." He grinned. "Bucky, you okay?"

"I'm fine. I'm not used to being napped on." He was staring at the other two dogs, who were hogging the couch, then at the one in his lap. "You could go nap with them." Darcy reached over. "No, he's fine enough, Darcy."

"Okay." She patted him on the arm. "If it's raining you can borrow the couch," she said patiently. "Instead of hanging out up there getting a natural shower. The city's water isn't that clean, even when it rains." He snorted but smirked a tiny bit. She grinned at Clint. "So, are you home for a bit?"

"Six weeks. Lucky and I can go jogging with you in the mornings."

"We'd go walk. I don't run."

He smirked at her. "Yours might need that sort of exercise."

"He'll be good with walking. I asked."

"Fine. You could jog."

"Sure, if I put on three sports bras," she shot back. "So I don't rip a chest muscle." He winced. "I workout at the gym, Clint."

"Fine. We just worry."

She nodded. "I know and it's sweet." He ruffled her hair. "Finish your dessert." She snorted but dug back in. James was eating with one hand while his other was petting the dog.

Steve grinned at the subtle fussing his buddy was doing. He remembered Bucky petting him that way when he had fevers.

James looked at him. "Mind out of the past."

"Sorry."

"No, it's good," James said. The dog woke up to stare up at him. "You don't get sugar stuff. It's bad for you." The dog yawned and stretched, heading for the door. Darcy hopped up to grab leashes so the dogs could go out together. Clint came to get his dog's leash. James watched them go then looked at Steve. "Just showed up to check on her?"

"Yeah. She's swell but I've got a girl I'm chatting with."

"Finally!"

Steve rolled his eyes. "How about you? Any dames in your life?"

"No. It's not safe."

"They wouldn't take her."

"They would, Stevie. They really will." He looked toward the window, hearing squealing. He got up to look out there, opening the window. "What happened?" he called.

Darcy looked up and waved. "Got splashed by a car. We need to do puppy baths in a few minutes, guys." She walked back inside, smiling at her landlord. "The brown one's mine. The other's Kate's puppy but she's out and about."

"That makes a lot of sense." He looked, letting both dogs sniff him. Kate's dog huffed but her dog sat and panted at him, tongue hanging out. "He looks nice, Lewis."

"Thanks. He's a good dog so far. We adopted today."

"The lease has a size limit, you remembered that, right?" he asked.

Darcy winced. "No?"

He sighed. "Any damage, you have it fixed." She nodded with a grin. "Will he be huge?"

"He's half large breed. Part mountain dog."

He nodded. "That'll be huge. Fix anything he breaks. Or any slobber before it warps the floors please."

"Thanks." She walked them upstairs. "C'mon, guys. Times for a puppy bath!" They barked and raced her up the stairs. She hit the code and went in, the dogs heading for the kitchen. "No, bathroom, guys. Not the kitchen sink. C'mon." She pulled them into the bathroom and shut the bathroom door before they could escape. She started with Kate's smaller dog. She frowned when she checked the fur. Color was coming off. "Were you dyed, sweetie?" She kept scrubbing and her darker black dog was more gray. "Huh."

She rinsed her off, then dropped her onto a towel to shake off. Her dog got a stare and she pointed. "C'mon. Bath. Really." The dog barked at her, tail going. "I know, but you're spreading mud around the bathroom, Conor. Into the tub." She patted it. He barked again, looking happy. She lifted him up with a groan and put him into the tub, running water to bathe him. He tried to escape but she blocked him with her chest, letting him wiggle against her.

"Yeah, then I'll need my own puppy bath," she said dryly. She got him cleaned off and out of the tub. Her dog didn't have any color fading. "So weird." She dried them both off then stripped down to take her own shower. Of course, the dogs hopped in to help her take a shower. "Of course, guys," she said. They finished up and she dried them off again then they all went to change into jammies. The dogs ran out to bark at Bucky while she was pulling on clothes.

"Why is Kate's mutt a different color?" James called.

"I think she had hair dye on," she called back, coming out adjusting her shirt as she walked. "No clue but it faded as I scrubbed her." She took a picture with her phone and sent it to Kate's phone. Along with a message why her dog was so weird looking. Kate sent back a 'that's so weird' and 'I'll be back in about two hours'. Darcy dropped her phone onto the coffee table before sitting down. Her damp puppy hauled himself into her lap and collapsed, panting hard. "Yeah, you're a good boy, Conor. Yes you're a good boy." She petted him until he was snoring. She grinned at Steve. "They both snore."

"So does Bucky," he said. He was watching Bucky absently pet the snoring terrier mix in his lap. "You look good with a dog."

"Thank you." He looked outside at the sudden lightening. "Let me go get my pack." He put the dog down and hurried out the window to grab his pack and come back inside. "You sure you don't mind, Darcy?"

"No, I don't mind, James. You can have the couch." He nodded, putting the bag in the corner so he could sit down again. The dog was giving him hurt, pouty looks so he let her back into his lap.

Steve grinned at Darcy. "Done anything else fun recently?"

"I got to tease Jake earlier." She grinned. "You know I'm on low activity so I'm safer."

"You could go out. You just have to be careful."

"I tried to go to a museum and an agent nearly threw a hissy at me for being out and about for unnecessary reasons. They tried to complain about grocery shopping too but I pointed out having them delivered wasn't as safe as me doing it myself."

"I didn't even think about that." He tipped his head to look at the dog. "He's very comfortable."

"He really is." Lightening went off outside and she scowled up at the sky. "Thor's local." He went to look for him to see what was going on. She looked at James, who shrugged. Clint and Lucky came back. Darcy pointed. "Mine destroyed the bathroom if you want to go rinse him off and then rinse out his fur."

"Thanks." He took Lucky to dry off and came back to throw the towels in the washer. Even the ones she had left. They all smelled like wet dog. "Why did they get a bath? And why is Kate's dog gray?"

"It looked like hair dye washing out," she told him. "We got splashed by mud so we needed a puppy bath."

"That's a great reason." He sat down with Lucky halfway on his lap to nap. "Tired, buddy?" Lucky woofed and fell asleep. He shook his head, looking at Darcy's dog. "He really does snore a lot."

"They both snore," James said. "She's got huffing snores."

Steve came back in with Thor, who was barely damp. Steve had a damp t-shirt now. Darcy pointed. "Towels in the closet in either bathroom, Steve." He grinned, going to get one. "Hey, Thor."

"Darcy." He stared at her dog. "It's small."

"It's young." He nodded. "It'll be about twice this size by the time he's fully grown." She pointed. "That's Kate Bishop's dog. She hasn't named her yet. Mine's name is Conor."

"After the Irish myth?" he asked. She smiled and nodded. "It's a nice thing." He sat down, nodding at Clint. "I needed a break."

"Stark, Jane, or the kid?" Clint asked.

"Natasha and my daughter. My Jane is trying to introduce her to science and failing."

"Science is pretty big thoughts for little kids," Darcy said. "Maybe she'll like art instead."

"Mayhap," he agreed. He smiled when Darcy's dog woke up. "Good evening, Conor." The dog looked so confused. "He doesn't know his name yet?"

"I only adopted him earlier." She held him up so Thor could pet his ears. "This is Thor, Conor. He's a nice guy most of the time. The rest he's drunk." Thor snorted but looked amused. The puppy went back into her lap and settled in next to her to sniff noses with a sleeping Lucky then curl up next to his buddy.

Clint looked at him then shook his head. "Remember, you live with her and Lucky is my dog, Conor." He petted him anyway. The dog sighed and went back to sleep. He looked at Darcy. "Is his breed protective?"

"Supposed to be. They used to be a herd watching type of dog."

"Then that's a good thing," Clint agreed. "I still can't imagine you with a corgi."

She grinned. "They're protective and they can hunt."

"Yeah but still, tiny dog."

"Easier to carry to tutoring with me."

He stared at her. "I'm pretty sure your dog can fit into your usual bag since it's the size of a weekender bag." She grinned. "The kids will love the dog too." Scott knocked and was let in. "Hey. Come meet Conor."

He came over to pet Lucky then the other dog. "Hey, Conor." The dog woofed but went back to sleep. He turned, staring at James. "Wow, the dog nearly matches your arm."

James scowled, shaking his head. "He's Bishop's dog."

"She'll have fun with it. She could use something to fuss over." He sat down in the last free seat. Steve came back out dried off and settled on the floor next to Bucky. "So the kids?"

"I can go back in another week and a half. The doc wants me to be fully out of the infection. I have a week of antibiotics left and I see him the next day so I can go back Wednesday."

"Cool. I'll let them know that." She grinned at him. "Kate and I have been filling in."

"Aww. Thank you."

"You're welcome. The kids do need it." He looked at Thor. "Stark?"

"My daughter."

Scott nodded. "I have those days too, Thor. My daughter's almost a teenager soon and she drives me nuts."

"Boy bands," Clint quipped.

Darcy nudged Clint with an elbow. "Dating."

Scott shuddered. "No! She's not allowed to date. Never allowed to date." She grinned at him. "That's evil."

"She's how old? Group dates usually start going on about fourteen. After begging for makeup and trendy clothes starts."

"Shut up," Scott begged. "Please?"

"Sorry. Just teasing." She grinned. "You got a few years."

"Gee, thanks." He looked at the smiling god. "Your little girl will get there soon enough too."

"Nay, she'll have a guard to go with her," he said with a smirk. "I have been promised one to protect her vulnerable years."

Darcy shook her head. "It's not that hard to lose a bodyguard, Thor. I managed it without really trying." Thor scowled at her. She grinned. "And the warrior coming down won't be used to things like the internet."

"I will have him briefed so my daughter cannot get into those sort of problems. Perhaps I'll encourage her to turn into her mother so she focuses on science instead."

"Science doesn't stop puberty," Darcy said.

"What is this puberty?" Thor asked.

"The time when a teenager, or younger, turns into an adult body shape," Clint said. "Kate said one of the girls in her class's little sister has her girlish cycle and she's eleven."

"Paper yesterday had a brand new mom that had her kid on her eleventh birthday," Darcy said. "I've seen major boobs on sixth graders in the mall. They were in the same bra shop I was."

Thor shuddered. "I do not wish that on any child, but especially not mine."

"Have Sif teach her how to be a woman of Asgard that's picky and respected," Darcy said.

Thor nodded. "She would. She thinks my daughter sweet."

"She probably is," Darcy agreed, grinning at him. "Jane is when she's not busy."

Thor nodded. "True, she is the most like her mother." He shifted. The dog on James' lap woke up with a stretch and a bark for her lap then she got down and went to lap some water. "That one is tiny."

"It's young and a smaller breed," Steve said. "Have you seen the tiny dogs that get carried around by some women?"

"I have and wondered why," Thor admitted.

"Me too," Darcy agreed. "My only other dog friend was a german shepard we adopted from the LAPD when they retired it. I was little but it was a good friend. Nearly bit Tony once."

Clint shook his head but he was smiling. "I think a few more should try."

"Pepper mad at him again?" she asked him. Steve nodded quickly. "Okay. Have we talked to Pepper?"

"No. It's not our place," Steve said.

Darcy smiled and nodded. "They'll work it out. They've been together now for decades."

"True," Steve said. "It's just stressful right now. That and the same old arguments are coming up." He stared at her suddenly. "The ones that protested the accords?"

She grinned. "Chewing him a new one weekly for something stupid he had an idea about from what I heard. Not sure what though."

"His plan to robotic farm?" Clint guessed. Darcy shrugged. "Huh. We all thought that one was weird."

"If he can get it to work, they could use it to do sampling on Mars and the like," she said.

"Point," Scott agreed. "But not something we want to think about. We're still pretty creeped out by all the robots. Not the lab bots, they're cool. Even if one does keep pinching me on the butt."

"One got me on the breast and I swatted it and yelled so it went to hide in the corner and JARVIS said that he would correct that behavior," she said. "I do miss JARVIS."

"Us too," Clint agreed. "FRIDAY's...kinda sweet and syrupy."

"And sounds like my mother," Steve muttered, shaking his head. Bucky looked at him. "It does."

"Why?"

"No idea," Steve admitted. "It's just enough off that it's weird." He looked toward the door and pointed. Darcy shrugged. Steve got up to answer the door, staring at Stark. "Hey. We're having a meeting after all." He hauled him inside and then Bruce since he was there.

Stark glared at Darcy. "They are not chewing me a new one."

She stared at him. "You sure?"

He huffed but nodded. "They stopped last week."

She leaned over to grab her phone, looking something up. She held it up so he could see it, letting him snatch the phone to read. "They're the ones bothering Pepper probably."

He groaned, handing it back as he walked into the kitchen to get some water while calling Pepper. "No bottled, Darcy?" he asked her.

"Used it earlier. Look in the pitcher. It's a filter pitcher. I changed the filter three days ago." He looked and grimaced but pulled it out to get himself and Bruce a glass of water.

Bruce came out, staring at the dogs on Clint. Then one walked past him and hopped up to nap on Lucky's stomach fur. Lucky shifted but she snuggled into the warm, fluffy spot. "Adopting?" he guessed, sipping his water.

Clint pointed. "Mine, Darcy's, Kate Bishop's."

"That's why Lucky's so familiar, we had to shoo him out of the labs once." Stark looked at Darcy's dog then at her. "Lonely?"

"I could use something to fuss over," she said, staring at him. "So why the visit?"

"I'm bored," he admitted. He sat down under Lucky's tail and Bruce got a dining room table chair to sit on. "I heard you got an assassin earlier."

"I was on the couch. Jake and Coulson got them. I went into the bedroom with Pooch's baby when the second one showed up."

Stark nodded. "Pooch?"

"On Jake's team," Darcy said.

"Huh. I've only glanced over that stuff to make sure I'm not tied to it. Thankfully that guy's a psycho and I never would've sold to him, and Obidiah probably would've sneered at him for being so psycho." He sipped his water. Lucky woke up to stare at him. "Yes, I moved your fluffy tail. It was in the way, Lucky." He petted the dog's side. He yelped when a small gray blur pounced him to lap him. "Hey!" He tipped his head back, trying to fend off the tongue of doom. "Don't drool on me. That's Pepper's job."

"Hey," Darcy said with a snap. The dog stared at her. "Be nicer. Get down." She pointed at the floor. "Down." The puppy came jogging across everyone to her. She petted her. "You have to be a good dog, not attack the Tony with your tongue, dear." The dog settled in to be petted and adored. Someone knocked and the dogs all hopped up to bark at the door.

"I don't know why there's a keypad," Kate called. "Will it kill me?"

"Zap you pretty hard," Darcy called. Clint got up to let her in. She limped in and scooped up her dog to cuddle. "You good?"

"I'm fine. I tripped while running." She sat down against Darcy's chair with her dog. "You really did fade a lot."

"I swear it was like hair dye," Darcy told her. "She's pounced Tony to tongue ambush him too."

"We can work on that." Lucky and the other dog came over to sniff her, getting their own petting in. "You guys are good dogs." They ran to Darcy, who fed them a treat with a smile. "Good, you're appropriately spoiled." She waved at Stark. "Hey."

"Bishop," he said with a nod. "Who were you chasing?"

"One of the local mercs got hit with a drug by some idiot in all black spandex and no eyeholes in Harlem. I was chasing him to get him down so they could take him to an ER. I tripped over a kid's bike."

"It happens to the best of us," Clint assured her. He patted his lap and Darcy's dog came to sit on him. "Hi. I was looking at my dog but sure, I can pet you." He petted him. The dog flopped down with a sigh of pleasure, snoring almost immediately into Clint's abs. "I must have magic." Lucky came over to hop up to get his own petting. Clint grinned, petting his own dog. Darcy got up enough to grab her dog from his lap. "Thanks, Darce."

"Welcome." She smiled. "Silly, you sit on me and I'll let you nap." She petted her dog until he fell back asleep.

Stark shook his head. "You look good with a dog." He looked at Thor. "Do you guys keep pets?"

He nodded. "Some do. Mostly practical beasts."

"Kate's is a guard dog type for half of it. Mine's the sort of dog that would guard a flock of animals in the mountains for half of his lineage."

"Clint's is probably mostly hunting dog," Kate agreed. "Not too many dog breeds aren't useful in some way, even if they were meant to sit on lady's laps and bark if anyone annoyed them."

"Some of those also hunted mice," Darcy said. "They were just pretty." Her dog looked up at her. "You're pretty too, Conor." She picked up the brush to brush him for a bit. He liked that, he flipped over for tummy brushing. "Good boy, Conor."

"That will be the biggest, most spoiled purse dog ever," Stark said dryly.

She smirked at him. "Do you still have the scar where Cujo bit you?"

He snorted. "Yes. Thankfully it mostly bleached out." He shook his head, looking at Bruce. "They adopted an LAPD dog when she was six. It was very protective of her and her mother." Bruce smiled at Darcy.

"It was also a former drug dog and hated alcohol," Darcy quipped. "It bit Tony because he was drunkenly wobbling in the driveway. That was after he nearly burned his dick off."

"No comment," Tony said with an evil smirk at her.

"You know, for the longest time, I thought that drinking meant you'd get burns. That was Mom's don't drink speech."

He shook his head with a sigh. "Your mom was kind of a bitch now and then."

"Yeah, and I get it honestly," she said with a sweet smile.

"Burns?" Steve asked her, looking at Tony. "What were you doing?"

"Flaming shots to impress a few women," Tony said dryly. "Her mother burst into the house because there was a party I was hosting that I forgot about. I yelped and dropped said flaming shot in my mankini wearing lap." Darcy giggled, nodding. "How long did you think that?"

"Until Gloria got extra lit on her parent's bar when they forgot to get her a sitter and she had a sleepover. Thankfully one of the girls was smart enough to call an ambulance for her. That Monday, the teacher had a talk about alcohol drinking and I realized then that the flaming part was all you, Tony."

"You were nine!"

"Yeah. Not like I was drinking before then."

"Point." He shook his head quickly. Thor was smiling at him and patted him on the back. "Her mother had that reputation as a mom sort of mom that nagged."

"Mom had to go sit with those kids at Gloria's while the cops found parents that were mostly out of town and nannies hadn't realized there wasn't a parent available there. They couldn't hand them to nannies by law." Darcy grinned. "Sixteen girls. One massive bar that the girls sampled a lot of. Including some really expensive wine they were saving for the worth." Kate was giggling. "Parents were in lower Mexico for their anniversary week. Didn't realize their nanny hadn't come back the week before they left. None of the nannies checked when the kids said 'of course her parents will be there'."

She nodded a bit, smirking some at James. "Whole lots of drunk little girls. Two with alcohol poisoning. Gloria was in the hospital for three days from all the booze she sampled. Thankfully her parents got home the next morning after she got out and my mom babysat Gloria on the couch for a few hours. Dad had a long talk with her about how alcohol ruined some famous people's lives. It wasn't fashionable back then. He got through to her because she now knew that booze made you feel miserable. And the nurses were mean to her because of it."

"Mine or Stevies' mom would've beaten us senseless," James said. Steve nodded to back that up. "We would've been dead from it. Honestly dead from it. And if she couldn't, my father or the local priest would've."

"Father Michael," Steve said with a shudder. "He was judgmental anyway but he beat a few kids for their parents, even without them asking."

Darcy patted him on the head. "Now they get put in jail for that."

"He could've used it back then." He straightened out his hair, scowling at her. She grinned back. "You're a tease."

"No, I'm not a tease. I'm just in a petting mood and my dog isn't obliging yet. You're as soft and fluffy as any dog is." He snorted but looked amused.

Stark was shaking his head. "I remember hearing about Gloria being in the hospital for alcohol poisoning."

"The LAPD officer in charge got to walk into a country club during brunch on Saturday," Darcy said. "To arrest three sets of parents. I'm sure that was one of the happiest arrests of his life," she said dryly. "Because a few of those parents were downright snotty to everyone. Oh!" She snapped her fingers. "Remember Marcy?"

"Marcy?"

"You usually called her Macy. Red pigtail girl." He nodded, remembering her now. "She's a nun."

Stark gaped. "No way! She had half the football team and the both the softball and the baseball teams."

"Yeah. Carmelite nun. It came with the alumni update letter for our reunion. She's an honest to god nun."

"Wow," Stark said. "Never would've considered that for her."

"Apparently her brother went into the military against his father's wishes and when he got killed, she went to God. And you missed a team in there. She had more than half of the chess team on a dare one night at a party."

Stark winced, shaking his head. "Wow." She nodded. "Any other huge shocks?"

"Remember Bradley?"

"Pop culture boy? Followed all the fads, looked like a wannabe member of Wham?"

"Yeah, him. We were all right, he's gay. He's married, one of the first in the state when it became legal. His husband's a lawyer. Bradley runs a bookstore."

"He ran a petition to get rid of the school's library to give the room to the chess team so they were out of view of normal kids."

She smiled and nodded. "Yup, him."

"Did you go to the same school?" Steve asked Stark.

"No. I was her senior year's mentor. They always asked someone who wasn't an alumni but was in business or law or something steady as a field so we could break the kid's expectations of walking out the door to find Prince Charming waiting in his coach for them. I swear, a few of them didn't think about needing to work for a living. Even if they were rich, they had no plans."

Darcy nodded. "Many of them. Every year we had a run on the SAT test and filing for college admission after the first speech by our senior year mentor. Mine, half of them had no idea what they were going to do and none of them were rich enough to sit around all day. He told one of them to become a mistress because she wouldn't make it as a trophy wife. She's a vet now. Decided you were right, she wasn't worthy so she went to college."

"That's good," he agreed. "The world could use more people who gave a damn."

"Her former husband was found diddling six eighteen year olds. He wanted to be Hef."

Tony snorted, shaking his head. "Compensating?"

"Yeah but he paid things for them."

He nodded with a grimace. "Figures. She win the divorce stakes?"

"Yup. And she did it by exposing his health reports from bloodwork." Tony winced. "Not HIV but still pretty nasty and the girls didn't know before she presented it in court with the judge ordering them to be there."

"Damn."

"Yeah. The judge is the brother-in-law of one of the year before mine." She grinned. "She asked specifically if the judge could order that."

"That was nice of him. I hope the girls got smart."

"Me too." She looked at Steve. "I had a bunch of semi-worthless people who I went to school with. A few came out okay. A lot....are still trying to figure out what the rest of us got when we were eighteen. One's an escort. He has his own agency. Does pretty well. It was in the newsletter too."

Stark shook his head with a sigh. "He bragged?"

"The reunion committee must've decided he was the least worst story."

"Are you in there?"

"I didn't send back my paperwork because I don't really want to go."

"That's a good idea," Stark said. "You'd sneer at everyone."

"Maybe. I can pretend to have manners for a few hours. I might sneer at a few of the teachers. Oh." She smiled. "One of the teachers is still hitting on the barely legal kids for their eighteenth birthdays. But it's not against the law so they can't stop her."

"You'd think they'd get rid of her for the bad taste," Stark said, shaking his head. "Do I know her?"

"She was the one that nearly blew you at the dinner table that day."

"She wasn't too bad. Kinda hot," he admitted.

"Had a thing for barely legal virgins," she said.

"Don't their parents mind?" Bruce asked.

"No, because being a male virgin is seen as an embarrassment," Darcy reminded him. "Unlike for women."

"Point. I forgot about that double standard." He stared at her. "You could go."

"I don't think I want to go."

He nodded. "I wouldn't either. Mine would just annoy me."

"I wouldn't mind but I don't want to deal with the people. There's a few in my class that would be on that slimy fucker's side." She tipped her head, looking toward the door. Someone kicked it and screamed. "Hey, the zappy pad does work," she quipped. Steve looked at her. "If you don't put in the correct code, the door shocks you like my tazer." She grinned. "Jake put it in earlier for me after we got back with the dogs."

"I need the code," Kate reminded her. Darcy wrote it down and handed it over. "Thanks." Clint stared at her. "In case I need to come get her dog to puppy sit like I do yours."

"Point."

Steve got up to see who was on the ground groaning. He stared. "Darcy, he's wearing a uniform."

"Really?" She looked. "That's a fake one, Steve. Wrong shade." She pulled out her phone to call. "Hi, I have what appears to be a fake officer that was stunned by my security system laying in my apartment hallway. This would be after someone tried to assassinate me earlier twice, with officers present the second time. My security system has a shock system," she reported. "He's groaning and moaning and his uniform is navy blue with silver trim. Thank you. Yes, that's mine. Am I on a 'bad things happen here list'?" She nodded. "That makes sense. Thank you, ma'am." She hung up. "Few minutes, Steve."

He nodded. "He's not waking up yet." All three dogs came to sniff him and Kate's dog sneezed on him before trotting off. He stared at her. "You're so weird."

"She's part Russian terrier," Kate said with a grin.

"She does remind me of Natasha somewhat," he decided, still looking confused.

James burst out in giggles, nodding. "Yes, she does." The dog gave him her version of the offended look. "You do. It must be the Russian parts of you," he told her in Russian. She barked, sounding smug, then cuddled with her human again. "We should find a way to let you meet her."

Kate grinned. "We're doing a cross-training thing in a few days with their team." She gave him her best good girl grin.

Stark looked at her. "I'd almost pay money to see that. She'll be huffy for hours."

Clint shook his head but he was grinning. "We can do that. I'm bringing Lucky that day too since it'll be a long day."

Stark stared at him. "Do we need pets at the facility?"

"Yes. It's not cheery," Clint said smugly. "He can hang out with Bruce to mooch his sandwiches."

Bruce looked at him. "I don't get along well with dogs."

"Lucky, come meet Brucie," Darcy called. Lucky came back to sniff the person she pointed at. Then he stared at Bruce before licking him and seeming to grin. He went back to teach the puppy about bad people. Officers ran up the stairs. "I called on the idiot," she called. "That's not a you guys uniform. It's an LAPD colored one."

"It is," one of them agreed. "What sort of security system do you have, ma'am?"

"It shocks you," Darcy said with a grin. "It got put in earlier after two assassination attempts, one with you guys on site to handle the first one."

"Just a shock system?"

"Like a tazer." She grinned. "I have three prices on my head, Officer. It's safer."

He nodded. "Have you thought about a guard dog, miss?" She pointed at the puppy with a grin. "He's cute."

"I just adopted him from a shelter today."

"That's great. Who's after you?"

"A slimy politician sort. His price just raised today. HYDRA kidnaped me. And my stepmother whore is getting out of jail in another month, somehow twenty years early."

He winced. "That's just wrong."

"Especially since she went away for murdering my father."

"Very wrong."

"She's had ones who took that one?" James asked her.

She nodded. "Every now and then a con that she served time with shows up. There's been seven that I'm aware of and got away from. Well, six I got away from. I was informed of one being at my undergrad's campus after they arrested him on top of the dorm I didn't live in."

The officer blinked. "You're that lady that smacked that guy, right?"

"Yeah, and his price on my head went up today."

"Crap."

"We figured the ones earlier were his."

"We can make sure. How strong is it?" She pointed at the metal bar on the floor. He shut the door and touched the bar to it. It took twice but it shocked him pretty good. He let Steve reopen it for him. "That's a good, strong strength and might be illegal."

She grinned. "I'd hope not. I'd hate to have to boobytrap the doors."

"Us too," the other officer agreed. He stood up and looked at Steve then threw something at him, making Steve bat it and put the officer into the wall.

"I didn't know you were dirty," the first officer told his partner. "Pretty stupid to attack Captain America." He called that in so they got a supervisor and an ambulance.

"Hail HYDRA. We'll still get you yet, Rogers."

Darcy stood up and walked out there, smiling at him. "Really? You so sure of that?"

The man stared at her, mouth open. He blinked a few times. "Oh," he said quietly, trying to get free. "We must bring you in." She slugged him in the jaw. "You hit like a girl."

"That's because I am a girl." She smiled at the other officer. "They wanted to knock me up with super soldier babies." She went back inside with his dog. "Lucky, c'mon, he's a super bad guy even worse than the Russian mobsters that work around here." Lucky followed her, hopping up to sit on his parent again.

Clint smiled and waved at the officer. "I found Darcy this place."

"That's sweet, Hawkeye." He looked at his superior officer. "He spat out Hail HYDRA, sir."

"Wasn't he stupid." He looked at his person and who was holding him. "Sir? May I?"

"Of course, Officer." He let him go and pointed. "He tried to throw that on me. I have no idea what that is."

Tony came out to look at it. "Chemical, not sure why." He put it carefully into the bag the senior officer had. "Smells like burnt sulphur actually." He went back to his seat after getting some water. "Russian mob?" he demanded, looking at his teammate.

"Yeah, they say bro a lot," Darcy quipped. "Wear track suits."

"Are really, really stupid," Kate complained. "Brain hurting dumb."

The local officer nodded. "We've run into them, miss."

She smiled. "I'm so sorry they bothered you guys too."

Clint nodded. "Yes, we are."

The officers nodded and took their former coworker with them while the ambulance got the guy on the ground. They'd handle this soon enough.

Darcy looked at Clint. "If I have to move again, I'm moving into a fortress and putting in my own club I'll allow people into by invitation only. I'll even invite decent DJ's."

He grinned. "I can help you find one if you really need one but it won't be downtown."

"That's fine." She nodded with a sigh. "Don't put me around yuppies. Have to have a bookstore and grocery stores nearby."

He grinned. "We'll take care of it, Lewis."

"Thanks. You are a very shiny knight, Clint."

"I try." Tony's phone rang. "Stark, you dropped your phone," he said with a point. "That's Pepper." He got up to get it, walking into a corner to talk to her.

"Darcy, your online friends are evil and making Pepper cry," he complained.

"Why?" She looked at him. "Over what?" He asked Pepper that and she told him. He groaned. "I'm guessing that's a good reason?" she asked. He nodded with a grimace. "You can talk to them. They'll probably open a dialogue with you, Tony."

"I can ask that later." He sighed. "Let me go talk to Pepper. Bruce, going home with Clint?"

"I can go to the tower, Tony." He smiled. "Be safe, Darcy."

"You too, Bruce." She gave him a hug and he smirked but left with Tony. That way he didn't have to take a cab.

Clint grinned at her. "You're sweet."

"It's all the baking I do. Someday I'm going to turn into the doughboy."

Clint snickered, shaking his head. "Probably not. You hate to be poked and you'd never wear the hat." She grinned so he looked at Kate. "Why are you avoiding your father?"

"He wanted to have a serious talk. I don't want to have another stepmother and I'm avoiding telling him about the dog."

He rolled his eyes. "Personal responsibility, girly girl."

"Fine." She got up and clipped her dog's leash on. "Have a good night, everyone. Let me go make my father confess he's dating or whatever." She walked out talking to her dog.

Darcy looked at Clint. "Do we think it's something huge?" she asked quietly.

"I think so but I'm not certain." She nodded at that. "If so, you might have a second dog for a bit."

"That's fine. We can puppy sit."

"Thanks." He grinned. "You do it so well." James was shaking his head but slightly smiling. So was Steve. "Let me hike the long way next door with Lucky so we can settle in for the night and order dinner."

"Do the Russians own the Italian place?" Darcy asked. "And the chinese one?"

He nodded. "Yeah, they do and pay them protection. This whole block is basically owned. Including the small grocery store on the next corner," he said with a point. "So it's probably safe if you order from there."

"That's what I was figuring. No one's said that they're working with HYDRA."

"They'd never take these guys, Darcy. And be careful of them? They're not exactly respectful."

"I have a tazer," she reminded him with a smile. He shivered but nodded. Steve was grinning at her. "I do."

"You do nicely with it too, Darcy." He stood up. "I should go home too. James?"

"I'm hovering," he admitted. "It's safer."

"He's got couch rights when it's raining because he kept escaping when I fed him," Darcy quipped with a grin for James.

"I'm not going to be leash trained," he shot back.

"He can't have a bed?" Steve asked her.

"There's only two and he never takes a shower." She stared at James. "If he did take a shower he could have the guest bed I guess."

He rolled his eyes. "Thanks. I'll stick with the couch for now. I fit in better."

Steve shook his head with a sigh. "Fine. Can you call in to check in?" Steve asked him.

"Probably," James admitted.

"Thanks. I worry about you, jerk." He hugged him around the head then left.

Darcy looked at him, a pointed, mom sort of look. James shrugged a bit. "I hate the disappointed look," he said quietly. She smiled and nodded. "Let me go shower." She pointed and he went to the guest bedroom to do that. Darcy was already washing most of his clothes on him. She had unpacked his backpack onto the bed and left the weapons there in the open for him. He sighed. She was such a mom sometimes.

He came out of the shower and found the dog hiding from his clingy human petting slave under his pillows. So maybe it'd be an interesting night.

***

Darcy was unintentionally meeting with a reporter the next morning and stared at her. "Do you really think I'm the stress relief for the whole team?" she asked dryly. The woman flinched. "Really? Considering I don't see them very often."

"Women like you...."

"I was a science intern, dear," she said dryly. "Living on my trust fund because I was helping my best friend."

"You're nothing," the reporter sneered.

"Actually, you're wrong. I'm a Duchess if you want to be formal about it. My grandmother was one." She smirked a tiny bit. "First born in the second generation and my cousin's not really fit for the title. Do I want to push it? No. It's not my sort of thing." She smirked at the reporter. "And just for that bit of sneering, you've won yourself a libel suit." The reporter stomped off. "You have a better day with your drug-induced fantasy world, ma'am," she called with a wave at her back. "Because that's the only reality you live in." She looked at the guy next to her. "I did get asked."

Her cousin, her uncle's son, nodded. "I know the conviction could be counted against me."

Darcy hugged him. "At least you got clean and we got you away from that bitch." She looked at him. "Are you better?"

"It hurts sometimes. The need's real and it's an ache sometimes."

She nodded. "I've seen other addicts say that. Are you at NA meetings or anything?"

"I'm not allowed according to my probation officer."

She frowned. "That seems counterproductive."

"I'm not allowed around other former offenders."

"Well, gee, that means you can't grocery shop either."

"I know." He sighed. "I've asked specifically about those. He sneered and suggested someone would buy me a rehab spot."

"We can arrange that if you want. There's some really pretty ones that have some decent results. The ones with the best results tend to be a bit more harsh."

"I'm used to harsh but I'd like not to go back there." He sipped his coffee, looking at her. "I'm shocked you're still talking to me. Grandmother would've thrown me out of the family and your mom would've bitched."

"Mom was a lot more liberal than a lot of people thought, Craig. You can't see what she did in the shelters and not be. She saw plenty of addicts, and a number that didn't start there on their own or by their own free will."

"Good point." He slumped again. "Are you okay?"

"I'd be happier without HYDRA being around," she said dryly, smirking at him. "But it happens to some of us. Real women are goddesses and we prove it by steamrolling over all the problems that get thrown in our way," she said, making him crack up at that quote from her mom. "Mom would be pissed that I swear so much though." She sipped her own coffee. "Are they going to let you live on your own soon?"

"Yeah. Did you sell Dad's house?"

"No and I told the lawyer not to because you'd need somewhere to live when you got out. If he did, I'm going to start stomping on him like he's grapes." He cracked and laughed, patting her on the wrist. She smiled. "It'll be okay. We'll get through this. I don't forget people unless they're evil. You're not evil, you're struggling. I'm all supporty."

"Thanks." He grinned. She smiled back. "You know there's someone filming us, right?"

"Probably more than one." She smiled at the person stomping over. "Yes, miss editor who let people tell blatant lies?" she asked dryly.

"Your newest client?" she sneered.

"My cousin actually. By the way, that adds you to libel suit."

"We can prove you've slept with them."

"I doubt that. I've slept with one person who's lived in the tower and that's it." She stared at her. "You're just pathetic trying to raise readership so you don't lose your paper. I'm not the one that's going to do that for you and I don't play nice." She smiled. "You have a great day in that reporter's drug-induced fantasy world since you both apparently live there."

"You slept with Barnes," she said smugly as she walked off.

Darcy burst out laughing. "No I haven't. I slept *on* him, and he's got a really comfy shoulder, but I've never slept *with* him. Sorry. You're just looking for attention and I'm not going to give it to you." The woman glared and stomped off again. "Great, more people my legal buddy gets to talk to."

Her cousin shook his head. "You need a new boyfriend. You're going evil."

"Yes I am and I need to calm down before I become a super villain." He laughed, nodding while smirking at her. She grinned back. "I'll be a good one too. No stupid plans. Worthwhile minions. Nothing that would destroy a town." She waved a hand around with a grin. "I'd have fun too."

"Please don't go evil around me. I don't want to go back."

"I know, sweetie. I'd never let you help. You don't need to go back there." She patted him on the hand again. "Let's go for a walk."

"Sure." He got up and let her grab her dog's leash so they could walk. He looked down at the puppy then at her. "Not fashionable."

"But cute, sometimes cuddly, gives me something to do all day." She smiled at one kid. "Hey."

"Are you coming back soon?" she demanded.

"I am coming back next week. I'd be back this weekend but a friend's having her wedding in Maine on Saturday."

"Pity." She looked at the dog. "You're huge."

"It's sometimes cuddly and a bit protective and it gives me something to give attention to," Darcy told her. "This is Conor. One 'n'."

"Hi," she said, letting the dog sniff her hand. It lapped it then stared at the baby, sniffing at it. She let the dog sniff the kid. "It's my baby sister. You can sniff her as long as you're nice." The dog barked, making the baby flinch. So he whined until she calmed down and nosed her foot.

"Good boy, Conor," Darcy cooed, petting his ears. "Such a good boy." She smiled. "Hi, sweetie. Are you being a good girl today?" The baby squealed.

"I think she realizes you're the one that gives me healthy cookies I give to my mom," she quipped. "Be safe, Darcy."

"You too, sweetie. I'll see you guys at the normal time on Monday." She nodded and they walked off. She walked off with her cousin. "I work with a tutoring group she attends."

"That's great. I think it's great you're doing that, Darcy." He spotted a problem. "Reporters with cameras," he groaned.

Darcy looked at him. "I am not ashamed of you. Quit." He rolled his eyes but nodded. She tightened the leash a bit so Conor couldn't get so far ahead of them.

"Miss Lewis!" the reporter said, shoving toward her.

"Don't get near my dog," she said impatiently. "He's little and doesn't know who he should bite yet." She backed off after looking at the dog. "What's up, people?"

"What do you say about that report that said you've screwed all the avengers?" the reporter asked with a smirk.

"I'm saying that the lying whore and her lying whore of an editor need to quit taking drugs. I've only slept with one person who lived in Avengers Tower. Sorry." She shrugged. "Their drugs are apparently laced with something since them and reality had a huge breakup."

The reporter blinked, staring at her. "That's not very polite."

"Yeah, I don't do polite when people try to attack me, especially with such stupid rumors that never were a thing even when I was living there. Beyond that, most of the avengers members have significant others or at least someone they're interested in. I can't *wait* until that reporter and her editor, who came over to sneer at me a few minutes ago about that same rumor they started, runs into them."

The reporter blinked a few more times, staring with her mouth open. "Wow."

"Yeah, well, I'm not a whore. I'm actually pretty damn picky about who I sleep with. Not that it should matter. That's a huge double standard thing that's really dumb. Anything else?" she asked with a smile.

"It's not a double standard."

"How many times did you call someone like Hef or Stark a whore for sleeping around?" she asked dryly. "As opposed to at least one semi-famous woman every week, even if it's false and might affect their careers or private lives? I personally think that harmful rumors like those should be open to legal action." She gave her a pointed look. "Anything else today?"

"Is this your boyfriend?"

"This is my cousin. My former uncle's son."

"Oh. We heard about him."

"Yes and if his stepmother hadn't started by shooting drugs into his arm while he was asleep then it might've been easier for him. We're catching up."

"That's sweet of you to support him with his rehab," the cameraman said. Darcy smiled at him for that. "New dog?"

"Just adopted him a few days ago. His name's Conor, after the Irish myth."

"Aww. He looks cutely confused."

"You're the first reporters he's run into." She smiled. "Let us get back to our stroll to catch up, people. Go find *real* news please? The world's full of real news and while entertainment news is stress relieving to all that, I'm not news." They nodded and went off to bother others in the park. She looked at her cousin, who was staring at her. She grinned. "I've seen a few of them over the years."

"Wow. You do that good." They walked off together again, the dog sniffing most everything. And peeing on a few. When he got back to his halfway house, someone was waiting on him. "Yes?" he asked his probation officer. "Is something wrong?"

"You were with a known convict."

"I was with my cousin who's never been arrested."

"She has a federal file, kid."

"Yeah, because HYDRA kidnaped her," he said firmly. "Because she took down a senator who had his son try to kill most of a dorm." The guy sneered. He stared back. "You need to get a warrant if you want to take me back. I know my rights and my lawyer's already on the way. I saw your car outside and I needed to talk to him anyway."

"You can't profit from a crime you committed," he sneered.

"I didn't have my father killed. I would've stopped her if she had tried to get my help." He stared at him. "If you're taking me back, you'd better have a warrant."

"Fine." He produced one with an evil grin. "You're going back, jackass."

"That's fine. We can talk to a judge." He let himself be cuffed and they walked off. They ran into his lawyer outside. "Can you get my stuff? They're saying my cousin Darcy is a convict."

"She's not," he said. "I know her pretty well." He went to gather the boy's things and followed him to the hearing, sending Darcy a desperate text message.

***
Part 9 by voracity
Darcy showed up the next morning at her cousin's hearing, back in a bitch business suit and heels, with everything properly done up. She'd make Pepper cry with how business bitch she was.

"It's sad, Your Honor, but the young man was associating with convicts not even a week after he got out," the DA said blandly.

"Prove it," the other lawyer said. "He was with his cousin. She is not a former convict."

"I'd like to hear that from her since I believe she's behind her cousin," the judge said.

"Yes I am," Darcy said as she stood up. "I have never been convicted of anything, Your Honor. I've spent exactly one night in jail my entire life, and two hours in a drunk tank because I was protecting my boss and wouldn't let her be taken in alone since she had alcohol poisoning."

"Why weren't you convicted if you spent a night in?" he asked.

"They were trying to find my father when I was a runaway." The judge blinked at her. "After my mother's death, Your Honor. My father was wrapped up in his grief, I was deep in mine, and I ran for two weeks. I spent the night there because the cops rescued me after I beat someone with something I picked up because she stabbed me. I was young, innocent, and unprotected. She was going to turn me in to her pimp for a reward. I fought her off. The officer that found us fighting took me in to return me home but he was out of the city at that time."

"I see. Why would she do that?"

"Your Honor, you may not see it much on this end of the city, but unprotected kids out there are often taken in by force by pimps. Usually drugged up until they need the drugs and then sent out to earn money for it," she said firmly. "I narrowly avoided that for two weeks then she caught me and stabbed me in the side. I have the scar if you need to see it."

"No, I don't," he admitted. "No convictions?"

She handed the defense attorney a file. "My file from SHIELD, Your Honor. Where I used to work as an unpaid intern for someone associated they had a file on me. It was corrected because they never realized the name thing due to death threats."

He read it over, nodding some. "Huh. No, no convictions. No arrests. A note was made about that drunk tank incident and the police officer said it was welcomed since they didn't have the staff to watch her."

"The local hospital was five hours away and that town had two deputies on each shift," she said. "She had just had her work break down for a bit."

"I can understand how that happens." He looked through the rest of the file then at her. "Why are you listed as a kidnaping risk?"

"HYDRA apparently wants the fruit of my loins," she said dryly. "I'd like to summon a real hydra to introduce them to it. Preferably up someone's behind."

"I heard about that incident." He kept reading and nodding. "I don't see a problem with you seeing your cousin. You appear to be a fine, upstanding young woman who's doing some good in this world." He looked at the DA. "Why did you think she's a criminal?"

"She's a rich heiress who does nothing all day, Your Honor. We all know they take drugs and things."

"You can drug test me if you want," Darcy said dryly. "You might find some poppyseed dressing from yesterday and some muffins from a few days earlier but I don't use drugs. That wasn't ever my thing. Not *all* heiresses are like those you find on tv entertainment stations. My mother would've beaten the whole group of them and I'm *very* like my mother."

"Was your mother a slut?" he demanded with an evil smirk.

"No, and neither am I. That was a desperate gasp by the person I'm suing for making me defend myself against him. His little lies are catching up to him and I've already added that charge to the lawsuit." She smiled. "Don't worry, you can join them since I know you're a *personal* friend of his." The guy spluttered. "Your Honor, I believe that supposed man's problems have made this supposed man act rashly against my cousin to try to get me back for suing him." She handed over a few society pictures of those two hanging out at parties while drinking. "You can see they're good friends at least."

"It looks like that may be a reason," he admitted, handing the file to the bailiff. "For her." It was handed back to her. "I don't see a reason to send him back."

"Your Honor, can you clear up a point?" she asked. He nodded. "Can my cousin go to NA meetings? His probation officer told him that'd be associating."

The judge stared at her. "Not that I've ever heard and I believe it's a great idea for most people recovering." He looked at the DA and the probations officer. "NA has been exempt from that since it was put on. The same as going to the same grocery store or mall has if you're not doing more than nodding at someone in passing," he said firmly. He looked at the cousin again. "If it'll help you, go for it."

"Can I travel out of state to a rehab?" he asked quietly. "I have one I'd like to look at more closely but it's in New Hampshire, Your Honor."

"Is it a reputable one?"

"Sixty percent rates of not needing to go back," he said, lifting his chin up.

"Then hell yes, it'll be good for you, son." He looked at Darcy. "You'd send him?"

"If he needed me to because his trust wouldn't, of course I would. I'm all for helping my cousin do whatever he needs to do so he's the nice, sane, sweet guy he used to be, or as close as he can get to it."

"Good. I like supportive families." He banged his gavel. "Motion dismissed." Her cousin got unhandcuffed and released. "I hope you make it, kid."

"Me too, sir. I don't like to disappoint Darcy." He walked out with her.

"The New Hampshire one?" she asked. "That looked nice."

"I was thinking maybe the regular therapy might help some too," he said quietly.

She hugged him. "If that's what you need, then you need it, and I'm there for you." She stared into his eyes. "Got it?" He nodded, hugging her back. "Good. Let's get you back there."

"Sure. If I can, I'm going this weekend."

"That's fine. You can email probably or write." He nodded. "We can talk to the lady over your trust on the way there if you want. I had Brian tell her about all this."

"Sure. Thanks."

"Welcome. We can check on your dad's house too." He grinned. "Have you seen your mom?"

"She's out of the country. She's been sending frantic emails for the last few weeks."

"That's sweet." She got them to her car and let him in then got around to drive, taking him to the group that helped both of their trusts. Where they supposedly couldn't find the paperwork and Darcy had to call in the Treasury. Agents got there in about twenty minutes, they were about to raid anyway. One of the senior partners was an idiot who embezzled. Darcy and her cousin's funds were locked in a fund that couldn't get removed from without signatures. Darcy was super careful about that.

The lead Treasury agent came in, staring at her. "Miss Lewis, can we have a word?" he asked politely.

"Sure. As long as you're not HYDRA. The last time I heard an agent say that I got kidnaped."

"No, I'm not, Miss Lewis." He held out some papers. "There's a problem with your name."

"The fund's in both names," she said, pointing at that. "Because Lewis is a family name but I adopted it due to death threats. We have formal notice from the FBI about all of those with the firms I use."

He blinked a few times. "I was not aware of that."

"If you closed my trust I'm going to have to get mean," she said.

"No, I have not. We put a note on it about that."

Darcy looked at their money manager, who only handled the funds for her mother's charity foundation for her. She pulled out that information file for him. Darcy handed it over with a smile. "I went through the FBI and every financial institution I go through has that notice."

He looked through it, nodding. "That's reasonable. You could have done it formally."

"Then they could've traced that."

"Oh. Good point." He reread it, nodding again. "That would a good reason and I'll remove that note, Miss Lewis. Thank you." He handed it back to her.

"Thank you for being calm. Most of the agents I see about problems are huffy."

He nodded. "We at the Treasury don't usually have to do that. Or if we do, we bring an FBI agent since they're trained to be huffy." He smiled and left to go remove those holds on her accounts.

Darcy handed the papers back with a grin. "I hope that they cream that political slimeball that tried to get you," the financial manager said.

"Me too," he said. "I can't believe you tazed him."

"A lot of people told me I should've shot him," she said with a smile.

"That might've caused more problems," he warned.

"Just for a bit. Then it would've been solved."

"Maybe," he agreed. "His kids would've tried you."

"Yeah but they would've lost." She shrugged with a grimace. "But that's a possible other history."

"Point." He smiled at the financial manager. They wanted to check on that one facility and his father's house. She had information on the sale, that the judge ordered. "I thought that was the family's choice."

"The mayor's cousin wanted it," she said with a small shrug. "The lawyer couldn't stop it and we did get everything out of it. It's in secured storage that we made the court pay for since the estate didn't want that house sold. The judge got huffy but the appeal of the mandated sale said that he had to since he had went against the family's wishes but it was too late to stop the sale by about four months. He had to pay us back for those fees and the new storage fees plus legal fees for the appeal."

"Can we get him a new place and set up those things there?" Darcy asked. "After we search it in case she left any drugs?"

"We can, and the lawyer was there with the drug dog they paid to come in to search for more drugs."

"That's good," Darcy agreed, squeezing her cousin's hand. "How did they sell that since the house was still partially in the first ex-wife's name?"

"I have no idea," she admitted. "I know the lawyer pointed that out but the judge was in debt or something. He retired right after the decision with a back-dated letter."

"Great," he sighed. "Mom's going to be livid."

"She nearly capped the judge but I didn't hear why," Darcy admitted. "I think that's why she's been in Europe."

He sighed, shaking his head. "I love my mother."

Darcy laughed. "I love her too, but yeah, she's sometimes got a temper."

"Yup." He nodded.

"Your dad did say she reminded him of his mother."

"Very. I only knew the old bat from old movies but yeah, a lot alike." Darcy grinned and nodded. "Wow. Okay, so I need to find a place to live when I get back."

"It's cheaper if you move outside the city," the financial person said. "Plus you'd get more room."

"Yeah, I might be doing that once I'm off probation. They said I had to stay in the city."

"You're going to be in rehab for a few months," Darcy reminded him. "So you have time to look."

"Point."

"And see if they will let you live outside a halfway home," Darcy added.

"I hope so. I only have six more months of probation." She smiled. "Thanks."

"You're welcome. Don't worry, I'll always point out problems." He snorted but looked pleased. "So he can afford to go?"

"With his yearly limits, he can afford to go for at least ten months this year," she said. "And we're in May so you've got some wiggle room there." He smiled and nodded. "We can arrange that."

"Please."

"Okay, let me talk to them and we'll arrange a direct draw for their fees. We'll get the statements you'll need faxed to the probation office here. I'm sure they've had to deal with it before." He nodded, smiling some. "And we'll get you set up in their care for now."

"Thank you." He leaned over to shake her hand.

"It's not a problem. What she did to you was wrong." She smiled slightly. "And I've known Darcy now for five years." He laughed but nodded. They got things set up and they had a bed coming open in about a week. Darcy took him back to the courthouse so he could present that to that judge for his approval. Darcy had their site pulled up on her phone for him. The judge looked it over and signed off on it. They went to probation so he could hand that to the supervisor.

The supervisor looked it over then him. "Why tell me? You have an officer."

"Who just got disappointed because he was trying to put me back because he's in league with the person my cousin's suing."

"Oh. I heard that." He looked the information over. "It's a pricy place."

"I have a trust. It'll pay for it. We made sure first."

"Okay," he said, signing off on it. "How soon?"

"A week," he said. "They'll have a bed open in a week."

"Okay."

"When I get back, am I allowed to live on my own?"

"You have a better chance of staying clean if you're in a sober living environment."

"I can figure that out then. I'll be out of probation probably."

He looked up his file, nodding. "I do see that. You technically could but it might be safer." He looked up. "Let them figure that out."

"If I need it that much I might move up by them. Do outpatient."

He nodded. "That's not unreasonable. They can help you set that up when you're ready to graduate their program."

"Thank you." He shook his hand. "I'll be on my cousin's couch for a few days?"

"That's reasonable. I doubt she'll let you get into trouble." He grinned. "Good luck. I'll have your new officer check in up there."

"Thank you, sir." He left, gathering Darcy from the waiting area. She was telling someone she's not a lawyer. "She's here to drive me around." She smiled at him. "We're set and can I have your couch?"

"Of course." She smiled at the other guy. "I hope it works out for you," she said quietly. "No one deserves that sort of treatment." She walked out with her cousin. Who was staring at her. "Okay, mass murderers but I doubt they'd be on probation."

"Good point. Let's go play with your dog." She nodded, taking him home so he could shower and change clothes. She could shower and change into something more comfortable, and she could call Kate to bring her dog back. Two of those three happened but Kate was on her couch already with both dogs sulking. He glanced at Darcy, who smiled and nodded it was fine.

Kate looked up. "My dad's filing bankruptcy."

Darcy settled in to hug her. "It'll be okay. They can't touch your trust." She sighed but leaned against Darcy's arm. "Did he like the dog?"

"He met him and said this is really not a great time for that since we're selling the house," she said bitterly.

"You'll figure it out, Katie. It'll be okay and you've got a great lineage to live up to."

"I know. You should go get out of the bitch gear. You look mean." Darcy smiled, going to do that. She looked at the dogs. "She's really good and should be a mom someday." They both snuffled her and let her pet them. She looked at the guy coming out. "Sorry, but I needed a girlfriend."

"It's okay. She's my cousin and I know how caring she is." He smiled and held out a hand. "Craig DeCriths."

"Kate Bishop." She shook it. "You can sit, I'm just sniffly."

He sat down. "Will you be okay? I have no idea how to handle girlish troubles."

"I'm fine. It's a dad thing."

"I can understand that. Mine kept remarrying."

"Mine didn't but he owns a newspaper."

"Ah. He didn't transition fast enough?"

"Not really."

"Well, maybe he'll sell it, restructure, and it'll be okay."

"I hope so." She settled in to cuddle the dogs until Darcy came back out. "Are you doing anything today?" she asked when Darcy walked out to make coffee.

"Only if I have to shoot back at stupid reporters."

"You probably should. That rumor hit the London papers. My dad was groaning over it when I spotted it and groaned earlier."

Darcy waved her phone. "I'm about to blow up twitter." She made coffee and brought out cups for her and Kate. "I don't know if you drink coffee," she said at his amused look. "And you're family so serve yourself. She's a guest, she gets served."

He smiled but went to get his own coffee. "At least you don't treat me like anything more than what I am."

"That'd be stupid of me. Neither of us was raised to be the weak heir sort, Craig. Our parents would've killed us."

"Did your dad take your mom's name?" Kate asked her.

"For work purposes. It gave him a better 'in' with people thanks to her family name." She sipped her coffee and put the mug down. "Danish in the fridge but it's two days old." Her cousin got some and came out to sit and watch her ruin some people's days. Darcy got onto her twitter and saw all the requests for comments. She commented, and commented meanly. Including linking the full statement on her facebook page. Then she put her phone aside and drank some coffee with a grin. "Those two are going to be *so* sorry."

Her phone beeped the 'new message' sound so she looked at it, answering that one. "Oh, now they have me pregnant by Stark." She tagged Pepper into that response too. Then added one. "I have never slept with Tony Stark, don't want to sleep with Tony Stark, and he's like an odd cousin I grew up with," she muttered as she typed, being sure to link Tony in. "Also I don't poach, especially not from Pepper Potts." She made sure she tagged her too.

"Just at my character limit," she said happily and sent it. Tony quipped back, probably via his AI FRIDAY, that he felt the same way, she was his weird little cousin. Pepper's answer was 'I knew you weren't and if they think you are, there's a lack of education in there. Please fix it'. Darcy laughed and sent her a private email that she was good but they'd have to start with elementary schools. She put her phone back down.

Kate looked at her own. "Now they're speculating which avenger you slept with."

"Who said I slept with an avenger?" Darcy asked dryly, sipping her coffee. "I said I slept with someone who lived in the tower."

Kate laughed and put that up, tagging in the idiots. "Good point. Have you?"

Darcy smiled. "Only under extreme circumstances of me being drugged."

"Oooooh." She stared at her oddly. "Clint?" she mouthed. Darcy smiled and nodded. "Was he good?"

"Yeah. It was excellent."

Kate shivered. "Good to know." She put up a statement about how wrong it was to want to judge Darcy on who she slept with instead of what she does. Then she put her own phone up. Her father called so she pulled it back out. "Yeah, Dad? I'm on Darcy's couch actually, Dad. Sniffling about our talk. No, she cannot have my dog, Dad."

Darcy looked at her. "I know you'll probably have to move."

"Yeah, he's saying that too. Dad, I have a trust, they can't touch it, I can get my own apartment. It'll be thin but I can do it. I know that's for college, Dad. I can make up college fees later if I have to. I can go extra hours or whatever."

"Going extra hours past a certain point can cost more. It's more cost effective to go during the summers and means you keep everything like dorm rooms," Darcy told her.

"Darcy said it's practical for me to do up to a point and then it's cheaper to go summer school for a few extra so I won't have a housing gap." She listened. "She'd know, Dad. She's got three degrees." She listened. "No, my college fund wasn't with them. I asked the family lawyer to please move it somewhere I could learn to manage it. Yes, it went there. No, it wasn't, it was moved after Darcy shut down her uncle." Darcy winced. "Not your fault and I would've done it anyway." She shifted and listened.

"Yes, that's who has it, Dad. They're decent people. We talked about how it was my college fund and I'd need good returns in about five years when I had it moved to them. Actually the Treasury agents shutting down that firm during the trial helped me move it. Yes, it's with them. So I know I'm poor but not broke, Dad." She nodded. "I can accept that. No, it's not in the family's hands at all. The lawyer signs off on my yearly interest statements after I do." She rolled her eyes.

"It was suggested I get a guardian ad litem to protect myself during that stuff, Dad. That way my trust wasn't touched or anything like that. I know they'd want fees, Dad. Yes, that reason. I have no idea, Dad. Right now...I don't blame you, Dad. Trends changed and newspapers went down. You tried to transition but you were a smaller paper. These things happen in business. That's why it's a risk. It was going to be changing when I had to take over because of your future heart attack from the stress anyway since I don't really know a thing about the newspaper business, Dad." She sighed. "Exactly. And hey, less stress so you don't die from it."

"Does he know about your hobbies?" Darcy asked quietly. Kate shook her head frantically. "It'll come out. And ask Matt if he knows of someone good but cheap."

"Not a bad idea. No, Dad, Darcy had an idea of who I could ask about a good, inexpensive lawyer to help me guard my trusts. Grandmother's, Dad. And we gotta talk because otherwise you'll have that heart attack in the court room. No, Dad, I'm not being a slutty ho," she said dryly. "Dad, I haven't had more than a girlfriend," she said dryly. "Though I am bi and that's not what I was going to talk to you about. No, Darcy reminded me of something that'll definitely be dug up. Yup, I'll be back soon." She hung up. "Damn it, he's going to die from that."

Darcy nodded. "Better at home than in the courtroom when someone brings it up."

"True." She looked at herself then sighed and went to get her kit from the backseat of the car so she could spiffy up in Darcy's bathroom. She even went for the full makeup look to give her smokey eyes and a pretty lipstick. Darcy handed her a pretty scarf. "Why?" she asked.

"Windy. It'll mess up your hair."

"Point." She put it over her hair before going out with her dog. They went home. Kate took off the scarf as she grabbed her bow, carrying it inside. Her puppy followed like the loyal sidekick she was. "Dad?" she called. She heard something in the office and went in there, shooting the three people in there with him. "I don't think you need to be around my father," she told the one she knew was a thug. "Really."

"Hawkeye," he sneered.

She smirked. "Yes, I damn well am." She kicked him in the temple to knock him out. "Hi, Dad." She smiled.

He stared, drink halfway to his mouth. He cleared his throat. "You were hiding that, Pumpkin?"

"Yeah, Dad." She nodded, sitting in a chair. Her dog was trying to pull an arrow out. "Leave it alone, Cutey. I'll get it in a few minutes." The dog barked at that person and ran over to hop into her human's lap. Kate smiled, petting the dog. "You're such a good dog, Cutey." She petted her, smiling at her dad.

He finished that drink. "Well." He stared at her. "That's...." He cleared his throat. "I know you're not the one on that team."

"No, I'm the one that took his place when he was out of commission healing," she said. "And I'm on the other team."

He blinked at her. "Oh. Okay." He stared at her. He looked at the people that had been threatening him then at her. "That's going to get messy."

She leaned over to grab the phone, holding the dog in place until she leaned back. She called in. "Hi, Officer Trax. This is Kate Bishop and I just had to harm a few people threatening my father in his office. Yes, we're at home. Please do. Three and one I know is a thug that works with that crime boss that's hugely fat and wears all that white. Fisk, yeah, whatever his name is. Him. Thanks. No, he tried to threaten me once so I planted a tazer button in his dick that time. This time, I used my bow. Thanks." She hung up and put the phone on the free chair with a grin. "You remember Trax, right, Dad?"

"I do and I heard he had become an officer. His parents were worried but proud he made his own way that way." He poured himself another drink and stared at her. "How long?"

"Few years." She stared at him. "I do the name proud, Dad. Even he says so. He's working on my few last rough spots now and then. Our team trains with his sometimes too."

"That's good." He took a large drink. He realized he was in shock but what else were you to do when your daughter came out as a hero in training? "You're right, I should not have heard about this in a court of law where there was nothing for me to do but have the heart attack." Kate held up her dog with a grin. He petted her. "You're a good friend for her, Cutey. That one you puppysit? The blond one?"

"Lucky is Clint's. I puppy sit sometimes when he's out on missions for more than a day. Or Darcy Lewis does, she lives in the next building. She used to be the assistant for Thor's girlfriend."

"That's interesting. She doesn't...." He waved a hand at her. Kate smiled and shook her head. "Good. You have a strong female role model who doesn't wear spandex."

"Partially and it's partially kevlar. It cost less than my coming out dress too." She looked at the black outfit then at him. "My old one was purple but a bit baggy on me."

He nodded. "Don't share, Pumpkin. Not yet." She grinned and stayed there petting her dog. He went to let the officers in. "We're all in the office."

Officer Trax walked in first. "Kate?" he demanded, staring at her. "Oh, I heard, but that's better than the purple outfit."

"It is," she said with a smile. "Now that I've finally quit growing I could go with something nicer and that fit me better. And I don't trip as much when I run in it."

The other officers stared. "Um...Hawkeye," one said. "Girl Hawkeye."

She smiled at him. "You don't have to designate, we know which one you're talking about. He's still got skills I won't have for years. He's been doing this almost as long as I've been alive."

"Sure," the officer agreed. "So you rushed in to help Mr. Bishop?"

"He's my dad," she said with a smile. "He didn't know this and I came to tell him about all this magnificence in action," she said with a wave at herself, "and found them threatening my father."

"They were trying to force me to sell my newspaper business to them at a loss," he said. "They heard I filed for restructuring."

The officers nodded. "So she walked in, found them, and then handled it for you?" he asked. Kate's father nodded, finishing that drink. "At least your daughter's good. She's helped a lot. She doesn't cause any damage like some of them do, and she handles bigger problems than the small-time people do but less than the Avengers team does."

"Oh, yeah, Dad, that's why I flunked that english test that made you scowl. I was in Canada," she quipped. "Helping handle a rogue Asgardian who wasn't Loki." He held up his hand with a grunt as he drank that comment away. "Sorry." She looked at the officers. "That one arrow's going to be wet," she said with a point. "My baby Cutey here is learning how to fetch arrows for me."

They stared at the dog then nodded. "We've seen Lucky," Officer Trax admitted with a grin.

"I puppysit and Lucky helps me train Cutey, and Darcy Lewis train her new dog Conor."

They all nodded and called in the proper people to handle the not-dead bodies while they took statements. At one point her father went to lock himself in the kitchen to rant at God and his dead wife, but otherwise it went okay and Kate calmed down from her nerves. Coming out was hard on a person.

***

Clint showed up at Kate's house that night, not in uniform. Her father answered the door. "At least you're not wearing your uniform like her," he said, staring at him.

Clint winced. "You found out?"

"She told me so I wouldn't hear it in the courtroom, Mr. Barton. Let's go talk about what my daughter needs to do to train for real." He led him to his office. The dog was in the hallway staring at them. It barked at Clint, who stared back. "That dog is so weird."

"She's a lot like Natasha," Clint admitted, handing over a dog biscuit he had in his pocket. It was stale but she got out of the way and followed them. "We laughed about how much she was like Natasha actually." He sat down. "Kate's a good girl. I tried to talk her out of it. Rogers tried to talk her out of it."

"I heard. We talked about it after I got those thugs off my carpet. She nicely walked in and found them so shot them."

"Probably not how she wanted you to find out, no."

"No, probably not. By the way, she's grounded for the next two weeks for being in spandex for three years without me finding out. It would've been longer but I'm realistic enough to know she'd break it."

Clint grinned. "That's a very dad thing to do."

"She does train?"

"We train weekly when I'm around and she takes her own private archery practice as well. Plus her other fight training." He nodded. "She's good. She's at the top of the bottom tier and probably olympic quality. She's learning things that are elevating her into the upper tier. She can handle most things unless they go really bad."

"Has she had to kill?"

"Not that I'm aware of and I probably would've found her drunk on my couch with my dog."

"Good point." He relaxed. "I don't want her to do that."

"Neither did I but she felt someone had to."

"Or as that one guy with the webs said, great power comes with great responsibility?" he asked.

"Yeah, that sums it up too. She's got the skills and she knows someone has to. She also keeps telling me I'm getting old. I told her to go taunt Logan about that." Kate's father cracked a smile. "She's well liked and well respected but most of the adults won't listen to her team at all due to their age. Some of the younger X-Men get the same thing."

"Do they associate?"

"I think they've met up at the same clubs a few times. You'd have to ask her if she hangs with them."

"Fine." He stared at Clint. "What can I do to make sure she stays safe?"

"Make her quit," he said. "Because there's always going to be an injury waiting. Being honest, I take a lot of punishment some missions. Some not at all. She'll never fully be me. She doesn't want to take assassination missions and isn't sure she'd like to end up a SHIELD agent to be honest. It's possible she'll find someone to back her up beyond her team at times. It's possible she'll still be doing this once she graduates college and goes to a full time job. A number of the smaller handling people do."

He nodded. "That would be a good thing but tiring."

"Yeah but if we don't do it, no one else will." He shrugged. "Think what New York would be like without us handling some of the problems. We're here because they're here, not the other way around, Mr. Bishop."

"I get that." He sighed. "What will we need to make sure she's got set up when we have to move? I'm presently restructuring everything and we're moving sometime soon."

"I practice basic archery in my apartment with a target against my brick wall," he admitted. "You should probably put in a safe room area that'll hold up in case of an attack if you get another house. If not, an apartment farther from downtown might be a good idea. I know she likes her school and they have an archery team." He grinned. "The teacher there doesn't know about her but that's because she's said he goes on a few anti-hero rants now and then and complains a lot about me being an archer on a team with Iron Man. Thinks it's dumb."

"I think the iron suit might make her less vulnerable," Kate's dad admitted.

"Tony gets banged up too," he assured him. "And it's hard to get him out of the suit if he's injured or knocked out." He grinned a bit. "Katie Kate hates engineering too, so no go there."

"I get that. I want her to get into safer things. She used to really like horses."

"We'd all like that. Every one of us in the field hates that someone else joins and most of them have the reason that it affected them or it's the right thing to do. Kate's not alone in that and she does have a decent team with her most of the time. She's helped a lot. When Darcy got kidnaped, she warned the doc and his wife, plus liaisoned with a lot of the local talent to see if they could help us track her."

"That's good," he agreed quietly. "Is there some sort of supervisory position? A guild or something?"

"No. We're all independent and that would probably be suggested by someone like Xavier, who'd never let her help his teams because she's not a mutant."

"I thought he would've been more inclusive."

"No. Not really. He's not 'humans yay' as Darcy put it. He's more 'humans aren't beasts to be struck down and are okay in the natural order of things' than everyone working together unless it's something huge. And if it's something that huge, we're all screwed so leave the city as fast as you can however you can."

"I can do that," he agreed, blinking a few times. "I didn't realize there were inter-team relationships beyond nodding at each other."

"We don't hold friendship meetings but now and then we do talk to share information about big problems. Mostly we have one or two people that won't set them off so we send them. Logan comes to us usually, or Hank McCoy if they have to talk to us or the F-4."

"Is Reed Richards really as arrogant as he appears?"

"Yeah, he's got genius syndrome pretty bad. Stark has recurring moments of infection but Reed's never come out of it and his wife's pretty nice. We talk to Sue most of the time when we have to talk to them. Thor goes to talk to Ben because he's the only one that can arm wrestle Thor and win." He shrugged slightly. He looked down at the sneaking dog, patting his lap. "You know how to jump. Conor taught you." She hopped up and stared at Darcy's father. Clint shook his head. "She has Natasha's stare too." He grinned. "Kate brought her up to a training weekend when I brought Lucky. Natasha was amused by Cutey but still gave her such weird looks for being a dog. Lucky knocked down a few people to lap them silly and then decided to nap on Bruce because he felt comfortable."

"You guys are weird," he said.

"I know." Clint grinned. "It happens. Normal people don't do things like this."

"True. Should I just find her a training center to work on her fighting skills and give her archery practice?"

"She could use some of both. She's not bad with smaller hand weapons like a baton and small staves. She gets plenty of running practice right now when she steals Lucky or Conor." He got an odd look. "Darcy doesn't run and I have a gym."

"Ah. So she takes the dogs to the park?"

"Lucky helps her pick out people to flirt with."

He snickered quietly. "My girl is very unique." He stared at him. "Can I stop her?"

"Probably not. She waved off Rogers' glare of 'don't piss me off' that most of us walk away from. She nearly laughed at him when he said she'd get hurt then gave him facts about civilian casualties."

"I can understand why. Her mother was much the same sort of stubborn."

"I almost asked her if she was related to Lewis when we first met. I also made her prove her skills by stealing my bow back. Rogers had given it to her after something and I stole it from her. I made her prove she wanted it by stealing it back."

He nodded. "That's reasonable. Thank you for trying."

"We all hate that people get affected and join up. A lot of them give up after their first injury or their first loss."

"Not my baby girl. The only thing she's ever given up on was ice skating." He stared at Clint. "Can you take her dog home?"

"I don't really want a roommate so probably not."

"I'd hate that too," he admitted. "If she has to end up living by herself can you help her find somewhere safe?"

"Of course. There's a few near me." He grinned. "The only threats there are the Russian Mob."

"I've heard. Don't tell me any more about that please."

Kate came in with tea and coffee cups, handing her father's over with a kiss to his temple. "They're kinda stupid, Dad. They called me bro." She handed Clint his coffee and took her dog. "C'mon, we've got to go study for the history test next week." Her dog whined. "I know, I don't like it either but I have to graduate. So if I have to suffer through history, you have to suffer through me reading it to you." She walked off.

Clint sipped his coffee, but was smiling as he shook his head. "She's one hell of a girl."

"Yes she is." He stared at Clint. "If something happens to me please make sure she keeps being one hell of a girl?"

"Of course. She's like a kid sister."

"Thank you for alleviating the fear that you two will date."

"Probably not. She's too young for me. Drunken tapping after emergencies to blow off stress usually happen inter-team so not likely then either."

He smiled. "Thank you. Are her teammates nice?"

"Yes. You'd have to ask her if you've met any though."

"I can do that later. Do you know of somewhere I should sign her up for?"

Clint wrote down a name of a training center and slid it across the desk. "A few wannabe heros workout there and they do have an archery range. They had me test it out. Including some training for things like having to shoot around objects in the way. I think it'll do her good and it'll let them see how real heros do it to break some expectations. They also won't accept excuses for missing practices."

"That's probably a good thing for her then." He put it in the center of his desk protector pad. "Thank you."

"It's not a problem, Mr. Bishop. We'd all like Katie to be safer. She's a good girl and she needs to be safer. Or Darcy needs to teach her how to bake so she can do that stuff too." He grinned but left. He ran into one of Kate's teammates outside, staring at her before walking over. "Mer," he said with a nod.

"Barton," she said, blinking at him. "What's going on? Kate mumbled something about being grounded but she can't sneak out this time."

"She came out to her father earlier because he's going to court to fix some things. She didn't want him to hear in the courtroom."

"Oh." She nodded with a wince. "Yeah, that could be bad."

"She and Cutey are in her room doing history homework and practicing eavesdropping if I know her."

She shook her head with a sigh. "Is Cutey a girlfriend?"

"You haven't met her dog?" he asked dryly.

"Oh, that's what she named it." She shook her head slightly. "At least it likes to fetch used ammo shells."

"And arrows. Lucky taught her." She snorted but grinned. "He wanted to know about her training and stuff. I gave him the name of that gym where the wannabes hang out because she could use the gym and they could see the reality."

"That's not a bad idea," she admitted. "We could all use one." He nodded. "Go do archer things. I'll sneak in to see her."

"You could knock on the door. Her dad wanted to know about you guys."

"Maybe. It's subtle at least." She walked over there. Clint got into his car and drove off. She knocked on the door. Kate's father answered the door, blinking at her. "Hi, Mr. Bishop."

"Kate's grounded, America."

"I'm here to give her our armory key because I'm going to be out of town for a few days."

He blinked. "You are?"

She smiled and nodded. "I are." He sighed. "Surprise?"

"Actually, just a tiny bit." He looked at her. "Have I met the rest of your team?"

"I think two others, both guys."

"That figures. She's upstairs. No hanky-panky please. She told me she was bi earlier too and I haven't even asked about a girlfriend yet."

"She's not dating. We go out to try to troll together but we both suck at it." He walked off shaking his head. She jogged up the stairs, listening for her teammate. Kate opened the door to look out at her. "Armory key? I'm out of town for a few days." Kate took the key and grinned at her. "Nice. He didn't have a cow as you predicted."

"I walked in and found thugs threatening him so I shot them with my bow. He didn't have the time to freak."

"That's good." She winked. "See you in a few weeks, kiddo."

"You be safe and call if it's an emergency. I'll break this one for that."

"Got it." She left, going to tell the others that Kate was out to her dad. That might make things a bit easier. Certainly a lot less sneaking around and making up rumors to get them some time together to train.

Kate gathered the leash to take her dog outside in the back yard for a few minutes. She needed a break from history and a pee break was a good idea anyway.

She'd pretend to not see her father watching her from a window.

***

Darcy showed up and smiled at the kids. There were a few less in the room. "I should've come instead of going to a friend's wedding this weekend," she quipped as she put her bag down. "I would've had more fun and not had to break up the fight between the mothers. Would've been *so* much better." The kids in there grinned. "I didn't realize I was late, guys."

"You're not," one told her. "We were gossiping."

One of the girls looked at her. "There was a story saying someone was sending people funny money in your name."

"They did it to a waitress I know. Misspelled my name and I helped her turn it in. I'm guessing it's from the same slimeball."

"Yup. One of his assistants got arrested for it last night," that girl said. Darcy grinned at her. "You're seriously catty, Darcy."

"Only when I have to be. If people like that didn't push me to be, I wouldn't be."

"There's a huge picture of you with a bow and wearing a pretty dress wondering if you're the female Hawkeye," one of the guys said, holding it up.

She burst out laughing. "I have no idea about how to use a bow. That's one I fell into and found. It's Asgardian. It was talking to me. I brought it back for Kate and Clint."

"Knew it," one of the girls quipped, slapping the table. "It is her!"

"Yup, and she just told her dad so she's grounded for now," Darcy said dryly, smiling at her. "She's kinda pouty too."

"That figures," one of the guys said with a nod. "Girls her age pout."

"She's your age," Darcy said dryly.

"That's how I know! The girls around my age pout!" He smirked at her. "And some your age."

"Yeah, we totally never give up the pouty puppy eyes look if we're good. It gets us treats from boyfriends." The girls all laughed but nodded. "Okay, what're we on today, guys?" Scott walked in. "Hi, Scott." She hugged him.

"We weren't sure why you had the bow so I decided I'd come help tonight," he quipped back.

"I was getting away from the arguing about how much wine the mothers were drinking and fell into a hole that had some neat stuff from Asgard."

He winced. "Does Thor know?"

"I told Sif. She's going up to look at it. She told me to take the bow since it's a weapon and possibly a bit sentient."

"Is it?"

"Yes, it asked me if I was an archer."

"Wow. Is M'jolnir sentient?"

"Enough to pick a wielder."

"Huh." He nodded at that. "Okay." They settled in to work with everyone, the others coming in late.

Darcy smiled at one, who was frowning at her. "I should've come to help you guys instead of watching my childhood friend get married. It was *such* a huge argument from the end of the ceremony on."

He stared at her. "Seriously?"

"Seriously. The mothers got into a cat fight - hair pulling, dress ripping cat fight. The bride and groom nearly came to blows over which mom was the most drunk. The bridesmaids were having an argument about who told the bride to get them the dress no one looked good in and *why* were they wearing flats. Two of them had to keep defending they weren't pregnant, the PCOS meds they were on were making them gain weight. Repeatedly. I ended up walking out of the reception and falling into a hole and I thought that was the highlight of the weekend. That and Conor stole my cake because it was flavorless. He sniffed it after the first few bites and walked off in a huff because it wasn't good cake."

"You've so spoiled that dog," Scott complained, shaking his head. She grinned at him. "Was Maine pretty?"

"Pretty rainy. It's the rainy season up there for this whole month apparently."

"Why did they schedule it then?" one of the girls asked. "Even if she was knocked up they could've done it in a month. You can find dresses that won't let you show."

"He's from up there and she gave into mother-in-law pressure to try to get along with her," Darcy said. "Her mother-in-law was already drunk at the ceremony and when asked if she gave her son to her, she said 'I guess she'll do, someday, but we'll put up with her for now'." The kids all laughed. "Seriously, I got back at ten this morning, guys. That's why I didn't come bearing cookies." They smiled at that admission. "The drive up was pretty. The area was pretty but muddy. The drive back was okay, except near Boston. The wedding...I'm hoping they move countries so they never see the families again. It might keep them from a divorce. Either that or she's gonna kill him.

"We had *four* ambulances called at the hotel we were all staying it. Only two were for alcohol poisoning. One was domestic but no one said who." One of the girls shuddered. "Yeah. It was a *fun* weekend. There was not enough alcohol during the reception. They ran out of champagne, wine, and whiskey within an hour of the reception starting. The food was good. It was really great. I liked the hotel, their people were wonderfully nice. It was just the wedding." She grinned. "I so hope my friend's going to move."

"What if he abuses her?" one of the girls asked.

"She's a social worker. She knows she can get away and she knows she only has to call and I'll help her move. He's a new doctor. Just out of his residency. He's not *bad*. He's pretty stressed and he's a bit tired most of the time, but if one of them beats the other I'll help the one that's getting abused." A few of the guys looked at her oddly. "Women can be the abusers, guys. Really. We can do all sorts of bad things. The same as some molesters are women. It's not just guys who do the bad things."

One of the boys nodded. "My momma has a huge right hook. Dad shouldn't have been cheating on her but he learned."

"Which is abusive," Darcy reminded him.

"I know. We had a talk at school about that and I turned her ass in. The cops got all huffy at her for it, and me for telling on her, but Dad pointed out that I had done the right thing and I wasn't in trouble for that. Mom went to a group thing for six months and she never did it again."

"That's good she didn't," Darcy said, patting him on the hand with a grin. "Sometimes it takes a kid to point out the right thing. We learned from our parents but sometimes adults have filters on what we see and how we see."

"True. I was eight. It kept me from getting my ass kicked but my aunt *still* yells at me about it."

"Point out that you'd have done the same thing if her husband hit her," another girl said. "It stopped when my mom was nagging her sister about leaving a husband that had a decent enough job." She looked at him. "It was the right thing to do and one of those founding documents said life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. We got a right to that too."

He grinned. "I'll have to use that line next time." She grinned back.

"You guys know if you need to hide because of something serious like that, I have a couch," Darcy said.

"Yeah, but Bed-Stuy's kinda far away," one quipped. "Even by train."

"It can be," Darcy agreed. "Train's faster than a car." They all nodded at that. "I'll bring in the puppy next time. I left him on the couch with Lucky so Clint'll come looking at the bow."

Scott sent a text message. "He's upstate until the morning."

"That's fine." She grinned. "Lucky's guarding it by sleeping on it. It was complaining about smothering dog fur."

Scott added that in a second text message then put his phone up. "Did you bring this sort of life to the tower?"

"Hell no. I was in the lab all the time with Jane. Jane comes out of science more now than she did then."

"Damn." They got back to work with the kids, who were laughing about that.

Darcy held up a hand. "Jane was giving a talk in France to a bunch of scientists while we were in London," Darcy told them. "She got hit with an idea just before she went on. She was hastily scribbling math while waiting and when they pushed her onto the stage. Most of the people there realized that state so they were tolerant for a few minutes. Jane put it onto her overhead project by accident and turned, then spotted it. She frowned at it and mumbled about how she got the math wrong.

"I had to sneak over to turn off the projector, nudged someone to call up to her they were taking it down for her, and that they're fixing the blown bulb so I could put up her actual slides that she forgot to bring up with her." They all groaned. "For some, their work is their addictions. Jane didn't come out of the lab for three, four days at a time sometimes if I didn't stop her. Doing math that leads to wormholes while sleep deprived and starving because she forgot to eat, again, led to some really interesting problems happening in the lab. But then again, Stark blows things up." A few laughed, a few shook their heads, the rest groaned. "Yeah, it was like that. Now she's a mom and the future queen of Asgard."

"She has a nanny, right?" one of the boys asked. Scott nodded quickly. "Good. I'd hate to see what Asgard thought of CPS."

"Yup," Darcy agreed dryly. "That would've caused a huge diplomatic stink."

"If I get wrapped up like that, even in a man, someone stop me please," one of the girls said, looking up. "My mama would not be impressed at all. Even if I won a nobel."

"That's how you know you're meant to go into science. You like it more than most everything else," Scott said.

"Because it's a mini warground out there," Darcy agreed. "You fight others for grants, for research space, for publishing. To make sure people don't steal your work."

"I'd hate that," she said.

Darcy nodded. "Me too, that's why I went into social sciences. I knew I wasn't going for a PhD but I liked it well enough to at least teach it sometimes and I figured I'd need to use it someday."

"So you knew you were going to be doing charity work?" one of the guys asked her.

"I knew I was going to be donating time to ones," she agreed. "I thought I'd have a normal career maybe working for a larger national one and then donate time to programs like this one."

"Do you get paid to do this for us?" one of the girls asked.

Darcy shook her head. "Nope. The group that used to run these got shut down due to lack of funding. I just restarted it." They all stared. She grinned. "When you've got things to not worry about, it works. I can do the same paperwork to make sure you guys don't have to pay to take the tests and tutor."

"Point," they all agreed. They had all talked about how Darcy was a strange lady before, and now they were sure of it.

"I heard the last group got threats from some gangs," one of the girls said quietly.

Darcy nodded. "I heard that. I haven't gotten any yet and I'm not really scared of them. I mean, I've had to fight off assassins. Are they worse? There's *more* of them but they're not as scary as HYDRA. The one that threatened me in Chicago I told them to learn to like gay sex in prison if they came near me and suggested a few nice zucchini." She shrugged but grinned a tiny bit. "I'm not scared and I'm not going to bow and scrape or give in. What're they going to do, kill me? I've had better that wanted to kill me. I mean, hello, HYDRA." She shrugged again. "Groups like that, you show you're scared and they feed on it. You don't show you're scared and they get mad but then you prove it and they at least think you're too hard to deal with right then."

"That makes sense. Like with guys. The easy girls get all the harassment and the harder girls get ignored." Darcy nodded. "Do you do that with guys?"

"Hell no." She smiled. "I'd like someone there more often. Just hasn't happened recently. I can't even club thanks to HYDRA and I used to really like to club. At least then I could find a few Mr. Right Nows whenever I needed one."

"Guys like that aren't worthy of women," Scott said.

"Sometimes you need something easy, Scott. If you're single, sometimes it's the best thing in the world. Though I have rented a cuddle now and then. And only cuddles. I'd never touch something I paid for. How gross they can be." She grimaced. "Way too much chance of diseases. But cuddles they can do and it's a nice change in their lives."

"You actually rented a guy to cuddle you?" one of them asked.

Darcy nodded. "Nightmares after the invasion in London."

"Girl pros get people like that. They just want someone to talk to them and hold them sometimes," one of the girls said. "I go to school with a few of them. They got it hard but they said those are the nice clients. They don't try anything against them and just want someone there."

"Lonely guys go to strip clubs too," Darcy agreed. "Some guys go for bragging rights. Most go because they're lonely."

"I didn't even think about that. Usually guys go in packs," one of the girls admitted.

"That way they can prove they're normal guys who only stare and sometimes tip instead of one of the guys that drools," one of the guys told her. "You have to prove you're the right sort of guy in most guy groups."

Darcy shrugged. "To each their own and that's something I can't judge. Everyone goes for things like that for their own reasons. Mine was nightmares about losing to dark elves."

"Those freaky guys were elves?" one of the boys demanded.

"Yeah, Dark elves. They came from another of the nine realms. Apparently they were majorly against Thor's people." She shrugged. "It was seriously bad. Thor lost his mom in that battle. He and Loki worked together to avenge her. Then they showed up in London at a college where we were putting up things to divert the portals. It was kinda freaky while they were up. You could throw a car like a baseball."

They all blinked at her. "That's major science brains," one of the girls said.

Scott grinned. "She had Jane there."

"And Eric," Darcy quipped. "Thankfully he had on pants that day."

"That figures," she decided. "Science is okay for that sort but science kinda sucks."

"Science is cooking and baking," Darcy said with a grin. "It's just a physical science." The girl whined. "Seriously." She pulled up a video for her to see. "A major science geek who does cooking stuff. He even explains it." She let the kids watch the video, smiling at Scott. Who was shaking his head. "I suggested it to your kiddo too."

"She's getting good. She made us cookies and they were nearly as good as yours."

"I don't tend to do more than eye my add-ins like chocolate chips. She measured."

"Great." He took the phone back since the video had been paused. "Kate wrote."

She took the phone to look at, then sighed and sent one back. Kate agreed and settled in with the dogs. "She just got back. Her dad's a bit drunk so she's crashing on the couch." She handed the phone back after restarting the video. She grinned. "We're doing cooking stuff to teach you guys fractions." They all groaned but she grinned. "Last time I made stew and cobbler with my kids."

"We might like that," they agreed in a mumble. They could check out those videos later since they were on a major streaming site.

She smiled at Scott. "Did you see the tweet from the kids in Chicago?"

"No, I didn't. I was off my phone all day because I can't find it."

"They all passed, all but one passed everything and she just has to retake the math portion." She smiled.

"That's great news! Did you tell them I said congrats?"

"I did and said I'd tell you by tonight. I knew you were out and about thanks to FRIDAY answering back for you."

"I can do that when I find my phone. I think I dropped it while I was shrank." She shook her head with a grin. "Steve keeps hearing it ring in the practice room but can't figure out where it's coming from and I didn't have time to go down and look for it."

She nodded. "That's cool."

"It's going to take me hours to climb all over the training room to find it."

"Or you could make it ring and then track the noise so you only have to look in an area."

"I'm hoping so." He looked at the kids. "If you shrink down to ant sized, you sometimes lose some stuff."

"Don't even get him started about people who sneeze near him at that size," Darcy quipped.

"Please don't. Clint nearly sneezed me off a building. I had to expand really fast and grab a flag pole then wait for someone to pull me up. How did you hear about that?"

She grinned. "When you were protecting me, I used to worry you would shrink and stalk me into my room to stare at me while I sleep and I'd fart so you'd hit a wall."

He burst out laughing. "I don't think you're that strong but sure. I'd have stayed on the pillow or the headboard, Darcy." She grinned at him. "I can just hear about that if it happened." He shook his head but he was laughing. "I'd never get to live that down."

"You? I'd somehow have it as my sig line thanks to Tony."

"True, he would." He hugged her. "I like protecting you, you're neat."

"Thank you." She lapped him on the cheek. "From the dog." He grimaced and wiped it off. "Conor likes you and how you play fetch."

"He's a good dog. Just very lap happy."

"He won't cuddle at night."

"Sucks," he agreed, grinning at her. "What's he doing instead?"

"Sleeping on the spare bed. Unless Bucky's in because it's raining then he'll nap on the couch."

"So he's cuddly all day and guarding at night."

"He didn't wake up at all when someone tried to open my bedroom window."

"Did you?" he asked.

"Oh, yeah, I woke up when the guy screamed and fell down the fire escape holding his hands because the shock system's on that window too." She smiled sweetly and innocently. "I don't think that bro dude is going to try to visit again."

"No, probably not," he agreed. "One of those guys?" She nodded with a grin. "You sure?"

"James leaned over the roof and told him his Russian was lacking in skills because all he could do is whine."

"Ah." He nodded once. "Did you tell Clint?"

"No, but came out to talk to the poor idiot. He was deluded into thinking I'm lonely enough to allow that. I pointed out how many humming friends I have that're *so* much better than him and cleaner because that guy needed a shower. Then I told him I'd seen bigger D's on people and he needed a bra as well. I wasn't into guys that wanted to compare cup size." Scott tried not to laugh too loudly, they were in a library. "James came down to force me back inside, which woke up the dog, and went to handle the guy himself. Apparently he spoke his sort of Russian too." Scott got up to go to the bathroom to laugh in private. She grinned at the kids. "Sometimes it's the little things that you need to laugh at."

The kids all shook their heads. Darcy just wasn't right in so many ways it seemed.

***

Kate looked up as Clint strolled in. "Darcy fell into a cave or something and found this. Lady Sif's going to look at it for her. The bow doesn't believe I'm an archer, Clint."

He took it. The bow asked him if he was an archer. "I am. I'm Hawkeye and she's my protege." The bow groaned. "I'm sure you want to see Thor or something." The bow told him how only the best archer could hold him. Clint stared at him. "I am the best archer down here as far as I know. She's my protege." The bow seemed to pout. "I'll call Lady Sif to see if she's ready for you to go home." He put it onto the dining room table and shook his head as he sent Thor that message. "Ah! It's cursed!"

"As long as the curse doesn't transfer to me," she said dryly. He looked at her. "Dad's drinking."

"Sometimes that happens," he agreed. He got an answer back from Steve, making him frown. "Thor's in the infirmary with the sprout. Okay." A new message. "Lady Sif's on her way here." He sent back an 'okay' and settled in to talk with Kate. She was still pouty about a few things. Going to be suddenly poor was a hard transition for many people.

Darcy walked in and put down her bag, letting her puppy greet her. "Hi, Conor. Were you a good boy?" He barked and wagged his tail. "Want some walkies?" She got the leash and he went frantically rushing in circles. "Sit." He sat so she could put on the leash and they went out with Kate's dog and Lucky. Kate's dog had the leash over her back and Lucky was carrying his leash himself. She snapped them on and took them to the park to walk them. Someone tried to approach her with a knife but Conor spotted him and barked, lunging toward him. Lucky started up too and Kate's little dog tried to rush the guy.

"Guys, behave. Thank you for guarding me though." She glared at the human. Who sneered back but backed off. She and the dogs headed back to the apartment. Someone tried to grab her arm so she hit them with that backhand. They hurried inside. Lucky ran out to pee and the other two helped with him holding their leashes while Darcy waited inside the door. Lucky walked them back into the building and they ran up in front of her, barking at the door. Darcy got up there as Clint opened the door. "Sorry, guy with a knife in the park. They all barked at him and Lucky held their leashes while they peed on a car outside."

"That's good of him," Clint agreed, looking outside. He grabbed the new bow, pulling out an arrow to use it on the former agent outside. "Used to be SHIELD even." The bow pulled up an energy arrow but Clint poked at it until it went away. He used his own and the guy went down with a scream. That drew the neighborhood problems to see who he was. "The mob guys can have fun with him." He looked at the bow, who was huffy he hadn't used the specially blessed arrows. "That's only for the one you go to, not me apparently." He put it back down. "Not even my dog gives me lip like you do, bow." Kate was giggling and cuddling her poor dog. Darcy got them dinner and it was nicer until Sif got there.

Darcy grinned. "Welcome, Lady Sif."

"Thank you, Darcy." She looked at the bow. "No one really liked the former wielder."

"That happens sometimes," Darcy agreed. "Clint had to use it for a second and it hated that he didn't use the energy arrow."

Sif grimaced, then looked at him. "If you had, and it had not accepted you as a user, it would curse you."

"Thanks for the warning."

"Who was that person?" Kate asked.

"A warrior we banished for having dark ideas about how to protect the kingdom." She sat down and Darcy put a plate in front of her. "Thank thee, Darcy." She dug in and they talked about that warrior. Sif could hand back the uniform and bow so their death was noted. She had found his and his mate's body buried nearby. James came in to tell Clint about the guy he had shot in the shoulder and got fed by Darcy and Kate. It was a pretty normal night. James even got flirted with by the goddess. It delighted her that he blushed at her innuendos.

***

Sif showed up at the avengers facility the next morning with Clint driving. She walked into the living area, holding up the helmet and bow. Thor grimaced but put his daughter down. She was fussy and Jane was napping on the couch. "Darcy fell into a hole with them. The bow decided Clint was better than his former owner but was human so not worthy."

"There's many on Asgard that have that feeling," Thor reminded her, taking the helmet to look at. "Is he alive?"

"He and a female body were buried near where he buried his armor and bow." She put it onto the table and the bow beside it. The bow complained.

The baby glared at it. "Shh!" she ordered. "You mean!" It shut up. "I sick and you mean and you stupid! Bad bow!"

Sif smiled at her. "Are you sick, little one."

She pouted and nodded. "Me sick. Mommy sick too."

"That happens sometimes." She took her to cuddle. Thor relaxed and nearly fell asleep again. She smiled at the cuddly baby. "You'll be all right." She nodded, pouting up at her. "I know not what you want."

"Story?" she asked hopefully.

"I will tell you about how your father met your mother." She settled in to tell the baby that story. It was a good one. It didn't glorify a battle but the baby needed to know how to be a proper adult. The baby giggled at her mother hitting her father with a car and then taking him to the hospital. Then him learning about poptarts. She liked them too.

Thor smiled at his best friend and let himself drift off. Sif could handle his precious one for a half-hour hopefully.

She looked over then up at Sif. "He nap," she said quietly. "We go?"

"We can go look outside," Sif decided, taking her that way.

"She's allergic to flowers," Clint said as he walked past her with the rest of the armor.

"Thor's resting."

"That can happen when you've got kids," Clint agreed. "I've done plenty and I don't have kids." Sif smiled but they talked about many things the child wanted to know about. She was very curious. When they went back to check on Thor, he was waking up. She sat down across from him again, the sleepy baby on her shoulder. "There are many who would wish to get to know your child," she said quietly.

"There are many who would wish to know her to harm her," he corrected.

"Yes, there are those as well but your other friends sulk that they have not met her yet."

Thor smiled. "I'm not sure if I could bring her back with me, Sif. I would not have her hear slurs against her mother's species."

"There are always some of those, Thor."

"Point. I would need to get guards."

"We would guard your child with you."

He looked at her. "You would. Hogun is at home. Fandaral is somewhere."

"We would gather to meet her." She stared at him. "She should hear stories of her grandmother."

"She should," he agreed. "Thank thee, Sif. I will come back with you for a few weeks."

"Good. She should know of both her peoples."

"That is true. I will bring her for a visit with my father. If aught should happen..."

"I will bring her back myself or die trying, Thor. I would hand her to Lady Darcy."

"Thank three, Sif," he said quietly. He looked at Jane, who blinked at him. "It has been asked if I could take our daughter to Asgard to hear about her other family. It would be a few weeks, Jane."

"Do I need to come? I don't want to spread this flu up there." She yawned. "Sif, don't let her get you sick."

"I have not gotten this flu yet," she said patiently. "We are mostly healthy people, Jane."

"I wouldn't mind coming up then. I'd need to clean us both up and pack."

"We can do that," Thor agreed. They got up and went to clean up and pack while Sif got a box for that armor and bow. Who was still complaining about humans being better archers. Thor came out to stare at the bow. "I honor him for his skills and his loyalty. Should you sneer more, I shall lose you on the Bifrost." It shut up. Thor went back to getting cleaned up.

Sif covered a laugh, sending word to Heimdall to pick them up soon.

***

Little Emma looked around at the throne room then up at her father. "Shiny," she said.

He nodded. "It is," he agreed, smiling at her.

"She is not as advanced as most of our own children," one of the courtiers hissed.

Emma heard him and stomped over to glare up at him. "I'm only three. Do you mind?" she demanded. The man flinched back away from her. "You're rude and rude people are mean people who need a hammer upside their pointy heads." She stared at him. She tipped her head to the side. "You have stupid looking hair."

"She is very fierce," the courtier told Thor.

Thor came to gather his daughter. "You will find many who want favors from you, daughter. Ignore them." He let her walk ahead with him by holding his hand. They walked into the throne room and he bowed. "Father."

She looked at him then at her father. "I thought Grandpa had white hair and a beard."

Loki reappeared, staring at her. "Very good, niece."

"Loki," Thor growled. "This is not the time."

"I only meant to meet my niece, Thor." He stood up and walked down there, looking at her by getting down closer to her level. "How old are you?"

"Three."

"Hmm. A good age to start learning."

"Mommy tries to teach me science but it's not shiny."

Loki smiled. "It is not usually," he agreed. "You will learn what you want to learn. Your mind is strong, like your mother's." He stood up to look at his brother. "Does she age as you do or as her mother does?" he asked quietly.

"Halfway between. Why does it matter?" he demanded.

"Mother's spirit has shown up recently, Thor."

"She would not say a word against my child."

"Odin would have her prove herself yours," he warned.

"I see. Then why are you here and free?"

He smiled. "It does suit me more." He waved a hand. "Mother?" She floated in, glaring at him. He stared back. "Meet your granddaughter?"

She smiled at Jane and Thor. "You adopted Jane's daughter, son?"

"She is ours, Mother."

"Oh!" She smiled at the child. "A true daughter of the line." She floated lower, staring at the young girl.

"Why are you a ghosty?" Emma asked.

"Your grandmother died protecting your mother," Thor said quietly. "We miss her greatly."

"Oh, that's sad. She shouldn't be gone. That makes people sad and sad isn't a good thing."

"Sometimes sad things happen, child," Frigga said quietly.

"Yeah but they don't always have to." She stared at her. "I need a grandma. Mine from Mommy's mom isn't really that patient."

Jane rolled her eyes. "She's got a caretaker in case I get lost in science again," she said when Frigga stared at her.

Frigga stared at her harder then at Thor. "Who are her guardians?"

"None were there when she was named but I named Sif and Darcy. Though we had a large misunderstanding about a few things right afterward so she does not see her often."

"She does not love my grandchild?"

"She did not want to be a nursemaid to her instead of a guardian."

"Ah. Yes, that could be a problem. Young women such as her should have their own children." She looked at the baby then at Thor. "Are you taking the throne, Thor?"

"I was not aware I needed to, Mother." He glared at Loki.

Sif strolled in. "Loki," she growled.

"Hold, Sif," Frigga ordered. "You didn't realize he was here before now." She looked at her son. Who winced. "It is your time, son."

"I..." He looked at Jane and his daughter then at Sif. "Did you know?"

"No! I had no idea, Thor. I can only figure out why." She glared at Loki, who gave her a smug look.

Thor winced. "I would not give up my wife or child, Mother. But I will do my duty and they will be with me."

"There are many that would be upset with that decision."

"Yet we're halfway through the rituals to name her one of us," Thor told him. His mother blinked a few times. "I would not leave my wife or child behind. My daughter will have at least half my lifetime. My wife will match my own lifeforce."

"I..." Jane said, staring at him. "That's what that was for? I thought it was to change how my cellular aging went."

"It does both," Thor told her. "Did you not read that book?"

"You didn't give me a book, Thor. I don't want to decrease your life."

"Yes, love is like that, so said many of your plays," Loki said dryly. "So many about love are tragedies." He stared at Thor. "Should you keep her, appoint her guards."

"I would anyway," he agreed. "She is not a warrior. Though I do not need that suggestion, brother."

"Fine. Just noting a few things that need to be handled." He smiled at the child. "We should announce you."

"We will do that if and when I take my throne," Thor told him. "Not before. It would be a risk." He looked at Sif. "I may still be needed for battles."

"Your father may still be found," Frigga said dryly. "We know not where he went in his grief." Thor glared at Loki, who looked smug but shrugged. "Yes, that was him, son."

"I should smite you."

"No smiting your brother," his mother ordered.

Emma burst out giggling. "Now she sounds like a mommy." She grinned up at Sif. "Are there more rude people who called me deficient out there?"

"Yes," she admitted. "Some are convinced they're gods and they're not worthy of that title. It's sad but some people have an ego they have not earned."

Emma grimaced. "That sucks donkey butt." Jane swatted her. "Hey! Don't mess up my hair!"

"Be more polite," Jane ordered. "We had a talk about that, Emma."

"Yes, Mommy." She sighed, looking up at her father. "Does that mean I can't have piggyback rides?"

"Around the house you may. Not in the throne room."

"I meant from Uncle Steve, Dad."

"We'll go back now and then, Emma. You'll see them."

She huffed. "If you're sure." She walked off to look out a window. "Oooh, horsies." She looked back. "There's horsies. They're *huge*!"

"They are," Sif agreed, smiling at her. "You can learn how to ride."

"No I can't. They're *huge*."

Thor smiled. "When you are older, you may learn how to ride, daughter."

"They're still *huge*, Daddy."

"You'll be bigger when you're older. The same as you're not the same size as a newborn," Jane said patiently. "Some day they won't seem so huge."

"If you're sure." She looked back out there, smiling and waving at the people staring up at her. "Hi. Are those your horsies?" One nodded. "They're pretty."

Sif went to look over her shoulder. "Tis Thor's daughter, Emma," she announced. A few looked upset. "She's a toddler, people." They sighed but let it go for now. She rolled her eyes, looking at the family. "The test?" she asked Loki.

"The test. Odin would have made her. I would not."

Frigga sighed but nodded. "I would not either but there needs to be a male heir, son. Soon."

"Many queens are great," Jane said.

"Our treaties all state the king," Loki said. "Father never really liked women."

"Some of us prove our worth," Jane told him. "Including your own mother."

Frigga smiled. "If that were true, I would not have let my son take over." She stared at Loki, who changed back to Odin with a smirk as the doors were pounded on. "Go settle them down." She waved a hand. "I want nothing near my grandchild."

Loki opened the doors, staring at the people. "Are you truly interrupting myself and Thor catching up while I meet his daughter?" he demanded.

"We demand to meet this child," one sneered. Thor glared at him. "She will not be fit to rule, she's like her mother."

Emma stomped over to stare up at him. "You're an idiot," she said bluntly.

"Emma Jocelyn Thordottir!" Jane ordered. Loki snickered at that. "Quit, now!"

"No, mother." She stared up at him. "Just because I'm half human doesn't make me futile or anything. It means I'm special and great and smart. If you don't like that, blow yourself." She walked off, going to hug her father's leg. "They're mean and idiots, Dad."

"They're allowed their prejudices," he warned, staring down at her. "That does not make them stupid, it makes them undereducated. Quit. Acting. Out," he finished quietly. She sighed and just hugged him. He looked at his mother, who was smirking back. "She's as stubborn as we ever were, Mother."

"Clearly so." She smiled, rubbing a hand over the child's head. "Her mind is strong, Thor, and her body will slow down as she ages until she's closer to our aging than her mother's." She looked at him. "I find her worthy." The courtiers let out a few swears. She looked back. "Just because I have passed on does not mean I cannot punish those who use such language in *my* palace." They fled because others were coming, especially Heimdall.

Fandral stomped in. "Thor, why was I not sent pictures?" he demanded. The baby stared up at him oddly. He smiled at her. "I'm one of your father's best friends."

"I know that. He told me about you." She smiled and held up a hand. "I'm Emma."

"I'm Fandral." He shook the tiny hand.

She giggled. "He told me about you and telling stories. Do you know any about my father?"

"Of course I do. I know many."

"Nothing too risque," Jane warned. "She is three, Fandral."

"Yes, Jane Foster." He smiled at her, kissing her hand. "I would never tell her something too dirty."

"She'll hear those from the rumors," Hogun agreed. "Jane Foster," he said with a bow.

She smiled and patted him on the cheek. "Hi, Hogun." She smiled at the other one. "You're pouting."

"I didn't get a picture nor a note," he complained, glaring at Thor.

"I sent notes," he said. "I had them given to Heimdall." He looked at the older man.

"I had them delivered to them with warriors."

"That may be the breakdown then," Jane admitted. They all glared at her. "Not everyone is happy Thor has a daughter. Or a daughter with a human. We've already run into that today. Emma told him off before I could slap the living fuck out of him."

Hogun laughed, hugging Jane. "We admire your strength, Jane Foster. You will be a queen like his own mother."

Frigga nodded. "Quite." She smiled.

"I'm still going to be working on science things," Jane warned. "I'm not meant to sit around and listen to people complain."

Thor hugged her. "We will figure it out. I'm not truly ready to sit on my father's throne. I still have duties to Midgard."

An older woman walked in and bowed to them. "I'll take the child, Prince Thor. That way she's properly attired and coifed."

Jane looked at her. "She's already got a nanny, miss, and she's fine in her present clothes. I did put her into something pretty so she could make a good impression."

"They're Midgardian clothes, not Asgardian clothes. She should wear the clothes of her people."

"She is. I am her mother."

"Yet you are on Asgard."

"Enough," Frigga warned. "Jane is correct, the child is appropriately dressed and I'm sure Jane takes much care of her child."

"Unless Jane's in the lab," Jane agreed with a nod. "Then Thor or her nanny does. She's fine until her next meal. Which she does eat with us." The nursemaid looked horrified. "We're not that sort of family, ma'am. We do tend to keep our child with us unless there's a battle." She looked at Sif. "What would your mother have done?"

Sif shrugged. "My mother was much like that one in that she wanted her children older before they became underfoot. It's why I got in so much training before she learned of it." She gave her a smug look. "As we'll be training your child, Jane."

"Please do. She could use the self defense work, Sif."

"True, she could." Emma walked over to stare up at her. "What?" she asked quietly.

"Your panties are in a twist," she said bluntly, grinning at her. "Over me. I kinda like that." She hugged her. "You're neat. You're my second favorite auntie after Auntie Pepper because she taught me about clothes stuff."

"Pepper is very good at such things," Sif agreed. "It is something most queens learn sometime."

Emma grinned. "You still can't play in dresses."

"No, you can't," Jane agreed. "You can only sit and read in dresses."

"Which can suck since I'm still learning my letters," she said with a grin for her auntie.

"We can show you where you can play in the dirt later," Sif promised. The girl gave her another squeeze. She looked at the guys then at the parents and the former queen. "In the gardens, My Queen?"

"There's a nice area out there that the boys did that to many times," Frigga's ghost agreed. "She should enjoy it just as much. It probably even has bugs in it again."

"Bugs?" she asked with a grimace.

"Bugs in the ground help plants grow," Jane told her. "Like the worms Uncle Scott introduce you to. Or his ant friends."

"Oh, them. I guess they're okay but they're bugs. That's kinda icky."

"They're usefully icky," Frigga assured her with a smile. She looked at Jane. "Would you consent to have your next one up here? There's ways we can support it so it's closer to the father's aging."

"I'm not against that," she agreed. "Though I'm not looking forward to another pregnancy. I had an awful time last time with morning sickness and headaches."

"Because we're so different?" Sif asked.

"We're not that different," Thor told her. "I checked to make sure. We're much the same only we age more slowly. The morning sickness is something that runs in her family."

"About ten percent of women in the world get extreme morning sickness," Jane told her. "It didn't help that I ignored myself in the lab," she admitted, looking at her daughter. "You hated math back then. You kicked each time I started to work on math stuff."

She grinned. "It's kinda icky now too, Mom." Jane rolled her eyes.

Jane looked at the former queen. "I'm not against having another child, but I had a *horrible* pregnancy and I was told it was probably going to happen again, though with less morning sickness. That hits the most often with first time mothers. My mother only had one because of hers. The doctors ordered her not to have a second. Mine suggested it but didn't order it."

Frigga nodded. "He really needs a son. We'd have to redo treaties and many would see a queen as a weak ruler. One who could be influenced by her husband."

Emma cleared her throat. "Boys are even more icky than math and bugs. You don't know that I won't like girls instead."

Frigga stared at her oddly. "Do you?"

"How would I know? I won't know that for years yet," Emma said dryly. "Mommy said so when I asked her about a lesbian auntie I have."

"Oh. I didn't know you were that open, Jane."

"I have a few friends who are bisexual or fully gay," she said. "Some humans it still bothers but I think it's stupid to be concerned about who someone I know sleeps with unless they're kids or dead people or animals. Or stuffed animals, that's kinda creepy," Jane admitted.

"It's not something we as a society are against," Hogun assured her. "Though there's many who would assume a queen would marry a king to have heirs."

"We have IVF," Jane said. "You can use a donor's sperm and make the baby then implant it."

"It's not something we talk about but some infertile people do go for that," Sif admitted. "Or some other sorts of magical treatment for the problems. I had not thought about those who like their own gender doing so but I assumed they had donated sperm sent in somehow."

"We have things that can do that if you wanted to do it without a doctor," Jane agreed. "Turkey basters in the old days. We have some suction tube sort of things to do that with if we want to use them."

Sif nodded. "That's reasonable and privately done without those who would gossip."

"Gossip only comes from some women having surrogates to carry your children for you." Jane picked up her daughter with a groan. "You're yawning. Are you sleepy?"

She nodded. "The sparkly bridge wore me out." She put her head on her mother's shoulder after moving her hair out of the way. "I'll nap now."

"If you wish," Thor agreed, taking her. "She'll get heavy, Jane." He patted her on the back, letting her nap with some of his hair in her fist.

Jane smiled. "He's good to sleep on," she told the guys who were staring at their buddy.

Thor looked at his mother. "My shoulders fit her well."

She smiled. "Does your hammer like her, Son?"

"Yes, Mother. She plays with M'jolnir many times. It even let her pick it up a few times to swing it around. It even helps her play house with her dolls because they use it to protect their house as the hearth."

She smiled. "Will it go to her?"

"Perhaps," he agreed. "I can't be sure of that. She's still innocent."

"True, but it is a good omen," she said. "She can carry it after you when you're crowned, Son." He nodded once, glancing at Jane.

"We still need to go home to finish packing," Jane said. "And to say goodbye for a while."

Frigga nodded. "That would be best. It may be much time before he can go back, Jane."

She looked at the former queen. "And if the team needs him, he may need to go because we get worse and worse evil coming for us."

"Point. We would work that out."

"Please do not suggest we send warriors," Thor said, rolling his eyes. "They are not respectful and they tend to become great asses who get whiny when someone beats them."

"We were hoping you could beat manliness into him," Sif assured him. "I couldn't. My arm's not that strong."

Thor smirked at her. "I did teach him what a man was and then sent him home begging for mercy. Before I had to smite him for real for bothering Wanda."

Sif winced. "Did she do her thing with his mind?"

"To make him quit trying to talk her into his bed," Thor said. "Then he got pouty and tried to blame her for him not doing well in battles. So we sparred." She laughed and patted him on the free arm.

"I remember him. He was very weak in anything that would be counted as manhood. He couldn't read, he couldn't cook, he couldn't talk about things, he couldn't fight really well, he hated women fought. He made fun of Wanda a few times behind her back for fighting. He tried that with Natasha and spent the day in the infirmary drooling from her Widow's Bites." She looked at Sif. "Was he considered a teenager?"

"No. He should have been. We were hoping Thor could impart lessons into him."

"We all tried," Jane told her. "Including Steve."

Sif smiled. "Steve is goodly at battles and many manly arts. It's a pity he is not taken by a proper warrior."

She grinned. "You never met Sharon did you?" Sif stared at her oddly. "Yeah, that one. They're not *dating* but they're talking about dating. Sharon's still pretty busy and Steve's off on missions so they don't get too much time together."

"I remember meeting her," Sif admitted. "She seems nice enough. Is she a warrior?"

"She's a former SHIELD agent," Jane told her. "One of the top agents who hadn't been turned."

"Huh. Then she would probably suit Steven very well." She nodded once. "I hope he finds leisure with her soon so they can figure that out. If not, perhaps Darcy?"

"No idea," Jane admitted. "I haven't done more than email Darcy in a few weeks. I think he likes her dog."

"Conor is a good hound," Sif agreed. "Very protective of her. Cuddly until she wishes to sleep. I spent the night as her guest and the dog huffed at me being on his usual spot but slept on the couch instead."

"She pouted about that," Jane agreed.

Sif smiled. "It's good she has something to do all day. Conor needs much brushing and some training. She's doing good with him and Kate's dog Cutey."

"I heard about that mess. Is Kate staying with her?"

"Not often."

"That's good then. I know she lives near Clint."

"You can see his apartment from her bedroom," Sif said with a smile. "He and Lucky were playing fetch that night I stayed."

"That's so cute. Lucky's a good dog. He likes to pounce Bruce to lap and nap on." Sif smiled. "Totally knocks him down if they're outside and lays on top of him. He'll sneak into Bruce's lab and knock his chair away from his table so he can hop up to lap him. It's Lucky's way of making him take a break. It's less subtle than Darcy did but more fun to watch."

Sif giggled. "I do like dogs, yes." She tipped her head to look at the child then at Thor. "She can nap on a couch."

"I'd rather have her at hand. She has a habit to wander when she's first awakened."

Sif nodded. "That can be a problem."

Loki as Odin nodded. "Yes it could be with some of the people around here. Go to your room, Thor. We will talk later tonight." Thor arched an eyebrow up at him then looked at his mother.

Frigga smiled and patted his cheek. "Go rest, dear. We'll talk in a bit. Take your friends so you can catch up." They nodded and bowed at them then left. She looked at her son. "I truly wish you hadn't done that. You could have found another way than taking your father's spot when he walked off."

"I know but it's necessary. With all that's going on, it's more necessary we have him now." He walked off. "Let me go rest for the usual nighttime meeting."

"Fine." She watched her son go and made plans. Because she was not a weak queen and things were going fast toward a bad point. They needed her actual heir to the throne back.

***

Darcy looked over as someone knocked. "Who is it?" she called. She heard a muffled 'Steve' and got up to look then open the door. "Hey, Steve. And Scott. And Stark." She let them in. "Don't sit on the dog, Tony." She checked the hall then shut the door. She looked at the three grim men. "What's happened?"

"Thor got recalled to Asgard," Tony said. He sat down and looked at the napping dog. "Is he sick?"

"He's worn out. We played earlier for a few hours in the park." She yawned. "So problems on Asgard?"

"It looks like it," Scott said. "We're not sure if they're going to be able to keep Emma with them. If it's a war coming...."

"Jane can't stay. Parts of Asgard are not very human friendly," Darcy said. "We went up for a week before we came back to New York because Thor had to do something official. Most every single person in the palace sneered at Jane and I was just seen as her handmaiden and guard so therefore not as good as theirs would be. One tried something drunkenly and got tased, which made Thor laugh, but Heimdall stepped in to send that idiot drunken warrior wannabe off for Jane."

"Okay," Steve said. "I wouldn't have expected that."

"They live *really* long lives," Darcy reminded him. "Thor was about three thousand when he was kicked out for being a teenager suddenly put in charge of his kingdom and army. He did what his father had fed him for years and got blamed for it."

Stark nodded. "I remember him saying that. Is he going to be all right?"

"Yes, probably. I'm more worried about a few other things. Did Odin call him home?" Everyone nodded. "Because Odin's probably dead. The one on the throne is wearing an illusion. I can see through those while slightly lit on Asgardian mead." Steve winced. "So whoever's taking over is over their head probably. Also, his hammer picks the wielder. Will it like him if they have another huge war? The last one on Asgard was before he was born."

Steve winced but nodded at that. "That's a possible problem. Can it happen?"

"Yeah. The myth of his hammer says that if he becomes unworthy to it, it'll pick a new wielder."

"Wow," Stark said. "Okay. That's a huge problem. Who would it pick?"

"I'm kinda scared that Jane sent me pictures of Emma playing with it."

"And that could cause problems with their people if they don't like Jane," Scott said. She nodded. "Any other concerns?"

"Is that army going to listen to Thor?"

Steve blinked. "He's going to be their king."

"And the last time he ruled the army they had a huge problem battle," Stark reminded him. "So maybe."

"But if he's the king and he's the only one left, and they don't like Emma anyway, they could assassinate him," Steve realized. Darcy nodded, grimacing at that idea. "Does he have backup?"

"The Warriors Three and Lady Sif. Maybe whoever's being Odin."

"If it's his brother, they've got bad blood," Stark said. "But they worked together to avenge their mother."

"Loki got given hell by Odin," Darcy said. "I heard a lot of stories of Loki doing something and Thor being praised."

"Sounds like my father had a prototype," Stark said, sipping the water he had come in with.

She nodded. "Which could cause a problem." She got up to get a cup of coffee and put something into the cup then took a sip. Huh, illusions. She was right, that wasn't Stark. She set off an alarm in the kitchen to Clint's apartment. She came back and looked at Scott, who shrugged. "Can you take Conor into the bathroom, Scott? That way he's not in the way?"

"Sure, Darcy." He got up to lift up the dog, who started awake but sniffed and licked him. "Let's go into the bathroom, Conor." He carried him in there and Darcy hit the saferoom door, which made him wince. "Oh, damn it. Darcy?" he called.

"Stay," she yelled back. "They're wearing illusions."

He put the dog on the bed and looked at the door. He found the switch and tried to get it open but she had it locked on him. "Darcy, let me help!" he called.

"No! Stay. Stuff's in there, Scott."

He looked and frowned, going into her closet. He opened the fake back and found weapons. "Yeah, we want this in here." He heard someone stomping in and smiled at the scream. "Clint, I'm in here with the dog. She locked me in," he called.

"That's fine," Bucky yelled back. "Stay!"

"Sure." He called Clint. He was grocery shopping and hurried over to help. With Lucky as it happened. He could hear Lucky barking and Conor got up to bark back. The door unlocked and Scott put the dog in the bathroom then hurried out, hitting the door key to lock the dog back in but tossed Lucky in there before it fully closed. He attacked the people who weren't Clint and Bucky or Darcy. They went down under their group attack. Scott sighed at the end, looking at Bucky. "I had no idea they weren't Steve and Stark. They picked me up at the facility."

Darcy waved her coffee cup. "I put in a touch of mead." She took another sip. "Is my dog in the bathroom?"

"Yeah, with the door barely closed so he can get it open but I had time to get out." He stared at her. "That's not a good idea, Darcy. You could've gotten him and let me handle it."

"Scott, no. They're not HYDRA. They've got to be Asgardian."

"Crap," he muttered. "Well, they know we're worried about Thor and Odin."

She smirked. "I'm pretty sure they think I'm still really close with Jane." She sighed as Clint looked at her. "We have to give them back."

"We do," he agreed. "Somehow."

"Let me go change," she ordered. "Diplomatic things take real clothes, not jammie pants and a t-shirt." She went to do that and came out in more battle oriented clothes. Not leather pants, because she couldn't fit into them, but something nice enough but tough enough for her. She grabbed her tazers and a few other things then nodded at Clint. "Uniform?"

"Yeah, let me pop next door." He went to do that and came back. "Kate's on her way to watch the dogs."

"I can watch them both," Scott said. "That way no one attacks here."

"Okay," Clint agreed. He put his bow on his back and they hefted up the two main guys and let Steve get the other two to drag onto the roof with Bucky's help. They waited inside the circle Darcy drew then looked up.

"Heimdall, there's a huge problem and they want to attack Thor and Jane!" she bellowed. The bridge showed up and Heimdall walked down to look at her. She pointed. "Wearing illusions of Thor's teammates. The other two," she said with a point. "Ran in to help them attack me."

He grimaced. "There's many who do not like his choice of mate."

"Yeah, there's more than that. We were brainstorming about why call Thor back *now*." She stared at him. "Did you know that a touch of mead in something makes me able to see through illusions?"

"I did not," he admitted. "But I have seen others."

She smiled. "Me too that night." He winced. "Can we deliver them to Thor?"

"Yes, you may." He nodded at Clint. "Noble Hawkeye and Captain," he said with a nod at him. "I will help you drag them. They are not worthy to walk." They carried them in, Darcy following them. She got the doors though.

Darcy opened the throne room door. "What are you doing here, human girl?" Odin sneered.

She smirked. "A few of your people came to attack me to get information on Thor, Sire Odin." She stared at him. "It's a great thing that some Asgardian mead makes me see through illusions that I caught them at it." He blinked at her. She stared back. "I saw through some lady's beauty illusion when I was last up here." She smiled, giving him a pointed look. "Would you have us litter your throne room or some other room, Sire Odin?"

"In here is fine, Chit," he said smoothly. She smirked and bowed, helping drag them into the room. "Hmm. Did you use your lightening stick on them?"

"No. I used a kitchen knife and a kitchen chair on them. They're not worthy of my lightening sticks. They wanted information on Thor and his family plus why they recalled him now."

Odin nodded once. "That is tactical but stupid of them." He got up to walk down there, staring at them. "That one's brother sneered at Thor's daughter. Interesting."

Darcy snorted. "They sneer at that child and they'll face me. I may not be with Jane any longer but I'll gladly protect Emma."

"Good. The child has quite a mouth on her." His mother floated in. "These ones went to Lady Darcy's house to inquire about Thor."

"Under illusion as Stark and Steven," Darcy said with a point at Steve. "Thankfully we had some help when they showed up."

"She didn't let me hit them very hard," Clint admitted. "I should've hit them more often."

The ghost of Queen Frigga smiled at her then at Clint. "It is very stress relieving, Clinton." She patted him on the cheek. "You are a good friend."

"Yes I am."

She smiled at Darcy. "Are you well?"

"Yeah. For right now. It's just a mean day for me."

Frigga smiled. "That can be a good thing sometimes." She looked at the unconscious bodies. "They should suffer as only Odin can make sure of from his high seat."

"They should," he agreed, looking at Darcy. "You have the right to suggest a punishment."

"I barely read over Asgard's laws," she admitted. "But I'm not sure if treason is punishable by anything other than anger."

"It would be treason if they had harmed Thor," he admitted.

"Or his spouse or child," Darcy reminded him. "They are married by Midgardian tradition and you refused to accept his suggestion they marry up here, therefore that tradition does stand by what I read."

"It does," he agreed, smirking at her. Steve stiffened so he looked at him. He raised an eyebrow. "We would rather not do anything too...inhumane."

"Then make them a story told to children to scare them straight," Darcy said. "It can even be funny if you wish. After all, Emma would love some protective guard dogs. I'm sure you have other mages on this realm that can do that. A punishment to protect her and a punishment of form."

He smiled. "I like that idea," he said, chuckling as he walked back to her seat. "I will consider that option, chit."

Jane walked in boldly and hugged her. "I just heard. What happened?"

"Supposedly Steve and Stark," she said, pointing at each. "Showed up with Scott to talk about why Thor got recalled suddenly. I pointed out a few worries I had about why. Then I realized they weren't them because Stark wasn't staring at my chest in the nearly see-through old t-shirt I was wearing after my shower. I took a sip of mead with my coffee and saw the illusions like I did that night. So I sent Scott in to protect my dog and himself while I threw a kitchen knife at them."

"Scott can fight," Clint reminded her patiently.

"Yeah but he's got a daughter," Darcy said. "That's more important because this wasn't the fate of the world. If they had gotten past me and gotten back up here, Thor would've stomped them flat."

"True," he agreed. Thor stomped in. "We helped Darcy defeat them, Thor. They wanted intel on you and the family."

"I had a worry about who'd get your hammer if you fell," Darcy said quietly, touching his arm. "Especially with the pictures of Emma Jane sent me."

He blinked at her. "That is a worry I had not conceived of," he admitted. "But a good one. She...she's much too young." Darcy nodded, smiling up at him. "What other worries did we have?"

"Illusion seeing. Why now." He winced but nodded. "I didn't realize they weren't Stark and Steve until after that talk. I'm sorry."

"It is not a problem, Lady Darcy. You should have been safe in your own home to talk about your worries about your friends." He sneered at them then smiled at her. "We will be careful."

"I suggested they should be very protective dogs for Emma," she quipped.

He laughed, hugging her. "That would be a fitting punishment for coming after you."

"As she pointed out, that's bordering on treason," Clint told him.

Thor nodded, pulling him over to hug him as well. "It is, Noble Clint. Thank you for helping my lightening sister." He looked over and shook Steve's hand. "We will not be back for a while. We're needed for now and they wanted my future son to be born up here."

"That's reasonable, Thor," Steve said. "If you need us, you'll call. If we need you, we'll try to call."

Thor nodded. "Thank thee, Steven. We'll see each other again soon and I do not want to see your funeral instead." He stared at him. Steve grinned and nodded, backing up. He stared at Darcy. "Be safer, Darcy. Those who are after you are dumb and mean."

"I know but they can't knock me up, Thor. I took even more precautions now. It'd take them having me for over a year before it could work." He smiled and nodded, hugging her again. She hugged him then Jane. "Be safe, Janie, and remember to eat with the science."

"I can do that. Thor will remind me if Emma doesn't. I can get a lot of star research done up here."

Darcy winked at her, subtly handing her something. "For my future clone." She winked and they left together with Heimdall.

Jane put the tazer into her pocket and looked at Thor, smiling at him. He grinned at that subtlety. He looked at the ghost of his mother then at his 'father'. "We are needed for their hearings?"

"No," Odin/Loki said. "Not in the least, Thor. We can ask them ourselves. Go back to your rest before dinner." They walked off and Odin looked at the miscreants. "Darcy is quite a human," he noted. "Very spicy."

His mother nodded. "Quite. She is quite the young woman." She floated off to tell the jailers that they had new residents. Though their hearings were quietly done, they ended up as dogs to guard the young princess. Former Queen Frigga laughed but smiled at his decision. Emma came running in at their order to fetch her and stared at the dogs. She came down to teach them how to sniff her and her how to pet them and treat them well. It was good for her to learn anyway. Plus protective. They were spelled to serve no master other than Emma and 'Odin' in his true form. Just in case the original Odin showed up and hated his grandchild.

***

Darcy walked back onto the roof first, nodding at Kate, who looked upset. "Did we miss more than a few hours?" she asked as she walked in and pulled down her hair.

"No. Just tactless bitches at school."

Darcy gave her a hug. "There's always future trophy moms in the world, Katie. They'll always hate those who have more of everything like class and more skills. You have both so of course they're jealous. If they had to lost part of the family money they'd never survive it." She went to get changed. "Have the dogs went out recently?"

"Yeah, they're still exhausted from you playing earlier but they peed on the manager's car. He huffed but couldn't really stop Lucky from peeing on his tires again."

Clint shook his head, flopping down in a chair. Darcy went to change. Steve sat down next to Scott and Kate on the couch. Darcy came out holding up something to them. "Well, it's cute, Darce, but I'd rather see that on you in private," Clint quipped dryly.

"It was laying on my bed like I was laying down wearing it," she said. "I didn't know my dog could lay out lingerie I don't even own."

Kate looked at it. "Not mine either. I'm not that tiny."

Darcy looked at the tag. "It's a six, Kate."

"Yeah but I'm an eight and I have a generous 'b' cup. I'd be stuffed in that thing."

Darcy looked at her. "Don't ever wish for bigger ones. They're a hassle." She looked at Scott, who shook his head quickly. Bucky came in off the roof scowling. "Who laid out the trashy lingerie I didn't own?" she asked him, holding it up again.

He stared at it. "Not a clue. The only one that was in here was the manager, he was dropping off a note on the table." He pointed at it.

Kate grinned at him then at her. "You have a package down there and it's heavy."

"I didn't order anything," she said. She sighed, going down there with the nightie. Maybe he knew. She knocked on his door. "Sorry about Lucky."

"It's fine. It's not the first time and it'll rain tonight to rinse it off. You have a package."

"I didn't order anything." He winced. "Also." She held up the nightie. "It was on my bed like in the spot I'd be laying down."

"That I have no idea about. I can ask the other single lady in the building for you. Your friend next door?"

"Was with me when I was gone for a few minutes," she admitted.

"Huh." He shook his head. "No clue, Lewis."

"Okay. Tell me if you find any others." He pointed at the box. She stared at it. "That is huge. Heavy?" He nodded. "Over sixty?"

"Probably just under." He helped her lift it and she grunted but carried it back upstairs. He went to talk to that other lady. She lived on the other side of the building but you never knew.

Darcy kicked the door, getting it opened by Scott. "Heavy." He got out of the way so she could put it onto the table. "He had no idea about the nightie and I have no idea what this is." Steve got up to come look. She frowned as she looked at the address. "That's the empty building next door to the halfway house my cousin was in," she said. "They had empty houses on each side of it."

The manager knocked and Clint let him in. "She hasn't gotten any tacky presents," he said, handing it over. "But she said she saw those mob guys hanging around earlier."

"I'm going to smite them like Thor smites pastries," Darcy said. The manager smiled. "Thanks, Bob."

"Welcome, Lewis. Be safe and call the police if that's something wrong."

She nodded. "It probably is since it's addressed from an empty house." He grimaced. "I'll call them in a minute, after I call the place next door to that address. Thank you."

"Welcome." He let himself out.

Darcy called the halfway house. "Hi, I'm Craig DeCrith's cousin Darcy Lewis. I know he's not there. I got a rather large package mailed from, I think, you guys. It's from 1503 instead of 1505 so I was checking to see if you guys sent me something of his." She listened to him ask his boss. "So definitely not you guys then. Okay, thank you. No, I'm calling the NYPD because that's probably not a good thing. Have a great night and thank you."

She hung up and looked at the guys, who all nodded. Darcy called the local station. "Hey, Officer Bob. It's Darcy Lewis and I have a suspicious package that was delivered here," she noted. "Yeah, I wasn't going to cause a panic. About sixty pounds and it came from the empty house beside the halfway house my cousin was in. I called them and they said they didn't send me anything. They'd send his stuff up to him in New Hampshire.

"Yeah, I think so. I've got a few friends here but I'm not touching it. No, large, like about sixty pounds. Really dense too. Feels like it's full because nothing moved when I hauled it up the stairs. No, I don't think it's a bomb but I have no idea what it is. I didn't order anything. Hell, for all I know it's another biological thing like HYDRA tried to get me with once." She looked over. "No, doggies back," she ordered with a point. "Don't get near that." Kate's dog barked and Kate looked then at it.

"Its got blood," Kate said. "She barks at knives and blood."

"Heard that?" Darcy asked. "Please. Thank you." She hung up. "They'll get someone over. I didn't want to get bomb squad here," she said at Scott's look. "It'd cause a lot of attention for probably not a good reason." The little dog was still snarling at the package. Darcy picked her up to look at. "Cutey, what're you doing?" She wiggled and tried to get at the box to bark at. "No, not for doggies." She put the three dogs into the bedroom and shut the door while Steve was letting in the officer. "I didn't want to cause a huge panic. There's no telling what it is."

The officer nodded. "We like that. This the only package?" She held up the nightie. "Where did that come from?"

"It was laying on my bed when I got back."

"Does your bedroom have a fire escape?" Scott asked. She nodded. "So they probably did that. Doesn't the window have a shock system?"

"It's down right now. The lightening strike last night knocked out the fuse and they can't replace it until tomorrow."

"Huh," the officer said. "If that works like I think it works that's dangerous."

"There's an ID scanner under the one outside the door," Kate said. "It'll scan badges." They nodded at that. "So you guys and fire department."

"Good idea," he decided. He came to look at it. The dogs went nuts. "Thank you for putting them up."

"Kate's dog barks at blood and knives," Steve said. "It was really trying to get that box."

The officer looked it over then took pictures to send in. He got an order. "We've moved it?"

"From the manager's apartment floor. I carried it up," Darcy said.

"Okay," he decided. "We can probably move it safely then." They got it down to the police car so they could take it to the right station. "We'll let you know, Miss Lewis."

"Thank you, guys. It's freaky it came from the empty house next door to his former halfway house. I called them and they said it wasn't them."

"That's a good precaution and weird," the officer agreed. "Let me take this in and we'll see." She nodded, shaking his hand and filling out the forms for him. He drove it off to that station.

Darcy went to fix dinner shaking her head. "Very weird." She looked at Clint. "Would the mob guys give me the nightie?"

"Maybe," he admitted. "They're all rough around the very sharp edges."

"I met smarter and nicer guys in prison," Scott said with a small shrug.

Kate looked at him. "Are they like snobby bitches that run in packs in school?"

"No, they do more than cut you with words, Kate."

"So will these. One tried to stab me the other day for wearing shoes she wanted. Apparently they were too good for me."

Scott shook his head. "I'll never understand those sort." He went to let the dogs out. They all sniffed the couch then the table then went to beg Darcy for treats. She put down dog treats for them and they carried them out to suck up to owners or friends in Conor's case. He did like Bucky.

***
Part 10 by voracity
Darcy came out the next morning with her dog. Lucky and Clint, and Kate and Cutey, were behind her somewhere. She ran into an officer who didn't look pleased. "Please tell me that officer last night is okay," she begged quietly.

"He's in a quarantine ward. It was some sort of biological substance that made him horny. Would you have any idea?"

"You need to call SHIELD," she said. "HYDRA tried to dose me with one before. It has an antidote." The officer smiled and relaxed, nodding some. "Clint, call him someone," she called. "I don't have my phone on me. Conor hid it under the fridge again."

He came jogging down the stairs with Lucky. "Why?"

"That box, it had something that made officers suddenly and dangerously horny," the officer said.

"That shit's nasty," Clint told him. He looked up the number and called. "May, Barton. Someone shipped Darcy a box with what we think is the same inhibitant remover. She handed it to the cops when she didn't know what it was so they could check it and a few officers are in quarantine somewhere. Please. The officer we're talking to is from the 113 up the street from us. Thanks, May." He hung up. "She'll tell the boss and the geeks. They'll call in to the station within an hour."

"I hope they're okay," Darcy said. "You kinda have to wear it out somewhat. I did when I got hit."

The officer nodded. "I'll let them know that and someone will call. Are you all right? Any new presents?"

"Not yet," she admitted. "I woke up last night to a weird noise but no one was outside the window and I wasn't in my bedroom just in case."

"Okay. Thank you, Miss Lewis. And good instincts." He left to tell the boss that. And his other bosses who wanted to keep track of her. Pity she hadn't triggered it when it had been opened. Then maybe they'd finally get the kid they wanted to train to be their next asset. His boss wasn't pleased about what they thought it might be but that happened sometimes in this city of weirdness.

Around lunchtime, two geeks walked into the station together, smiling at the desk sergeant. "SHIELD sent us," she said politely in a British accent. "To handle the officers that got dosed by that box last night. Is the captain or whoever available?"

"I can call back, ma'am."

"I'm Dr. Simmons, this is Dr. Fitz."

He nodded and called that back. The captain came out to talk to them. Fitz shook his hand first. "That formula is highly nasty," he said in his cute little accent. "We've worked up an antidote but it has a few clauses that have to be met," he said quietly.

"You have to at least started to try to wear it out yourself, by yourself or with someone," Simmons said quietly. "We can give the antidote over easily. We would like to look at what they sent however. There's two parts and we need to see if they got both."

"I can arrange that. Let me take you to the station that has the box in quarantine and we can go to the hospital?"

"Of course," she agreed, smiling at him. "This is the third known use they've used."

He led them out to a squad car. "We kinda figured what it was for when we opened it to find about forty pounds of restraints and sex toys." Both scientists groaned and shook their heads. "And a leaking balloon tied to he box's top that let out the smoke looking stuff."

"That's obviously an idea in the making," Fitz agreed. "Why would they send her restraints?"

"They want her to be knocked up by Barnes," Simmons reminded him. "It's probably for her to feel safer."

"Or they thought she was bouncy," Fitz suggested. "She probably was when they had her kidnaped. She tends to get bouncy when she's agitated according to her files."

"That's true," Simmons said. "Who was there last night?"

"Cap'n America, both Hawkeyes, and that guy that you see sometimes on the team," the captain said.

"Probably Lang," Simmons decided. "Barnes?" He looked clueless. "One metal armed guy?"

"He's been noted hanging out in that neighborhood but we figured he was watching over the avenger and that girl. She's spunky as hell."

Simmons smiled. "Yes she is. There's a large note in her SHIELD files about her being spunky and liking tazers."

"She's got one on her door now," he agreed. "We all hope it helps. That and the dog." He got them out and into the station. "SHIELD sent 'em to look at the box."

"Just the balloon," Simmons said, pushing her hair back behind her ears. "There's two versions of the formula and we need to know which one." They led them to the room where the box was inside a plastic safe box they used on bombs. She carefully stuck in the test pad she taped to an extendable probe then counted before taking it back out and letting Fitz reseal it. "The non-lasting version. That's a great thing." She smiled at the staring officers. "There's something that can be added to it to make it last in your system even with the antidote. If you get overly excited it can come back for days on end."

"That's nasty," the captain said.

"Well, it is HYDRA," Fitz said quietly.

The officers all nodded. "We hate 'em too," one said. "The rest of us need shots?"

"No, only the exposed and if you do get exposed in the future, start to wear it out," she instructed. "Even by yourself. You have to break it at least twice for the antidote to work." The officers all nodded. "They're sneaky sorts."

"The doctor that had Darcy and Barnes was a vet so he didn't understand female human reproductive systems," Fitz told them. "They probably don't understand male ones either." The guys all laughed and the captain took them to the hospital so they could brief the doctors, running into Bruce. "Doc...Doctor Banner?" he asked.

Bruce looked and smiled. "Drs. Fitz and Simmons, this is Dr. Whelmin. He's treating those officers."

"It's the non-eternal version so the antidote will work very well as long as they've started to wear it out," she told him, shaking his hand.

"Who made this thing?" the doctor demanded.

"HYDRA or someone they stole it from," she said with a wince. "They've tried to use it a few times."

"Thankfully this version doesn't have the hiding portion that would let it pop up later," Fitz told him. "That's even nastier."

"Yes, that would be. It requires wearing out?"

"It requires you break the ...need at least twice first. It'll work before then but it won't work as well or as fast," Simmons said. She pulled up the information on it to let him see it.

"That's really warped but talking about that group it's almost synonymous," Banner said. "Who was there?"

"Darcy, Rogers, maybe Barnes and Lang," Simmons told him.

"That would be a mess," Bruce said. "Steve would stomp on them so hard. And bring his girlfriend."

She smiled. "I've met Sharon. She's a fierce but nice lady."

"She is," he agreed. "We all like her around the facility." The doctor led them to the quarantine ward so he and Simmons could tell the officers what was going on and how they had to handle it for a bit but had an antidote. Most of the officers were at least dating or had someone they could call. The rest, Bruce called Tony to get the name of a professional who could help. That got a grimace by the local doctor but it helped and the antidote was given by that night to everyone.

Fitz stopped Bruce before he could leave. "You're the only one who might know," he said quietly. "What happens if you or Rogers or Barnes gets hit with it? Will the antidote work?"

He considered it. "I think it should. Did it on Barnes?"

"He barely got exposed from the notes Coulson made for the report. He noted Barnes stated he tested the dosed liquid on his fingertip."

"I'll look into that, Fitz. Thank you for thinking about that."

"You might also consider what might happen if *he* gets exposed," he said quietly, giving him a look. Bruce winced but nodded. "We'd have no idea how to help you handle that, Dr. Banner, and we wouldn't want to impose. We're nothing like Ross."

"Thank you for worrying, Fitz. I'll look into it tonight." He patted him on the hand. "It's a good worry. I'd hate to see the Other Guy if he was exposed too." Fitz smiled and stepped back. Bruce went back to the tower to make a report for the team and look into what would happen if he was exposed. How would you cure a horny Hulk?

***

Darcy went to that station the next morning. "Sergeant?" He looked up, staring at her. "This is on the supposed doctor who had me hostage with HYDRA to breed me and he did try to use that formula on someone else. Not sure if it's related but if so, it'll give you someone to look at." He handed it over. "That's the copy of what we found out about him." She smiled. "He's a vet so he's not really knowledgeable about humans."

He nodded. "Thank you, Miss Lewis." She smiled. "Any more problems?"

"Scott found the guy trying to sneak into my bedroom with a bottle of wine to go with that tasteless nightie he left. I had to point out it wasn't my size or Katie's size so he pouted. They had a manly talk then Clint showed up and the guy ran for his life." The sergeant laughed but nodded. "So hopefully that's stopped. If I can help find whoever, let me know. Please. I hate that they got them too. That drug made me the most depressed ever."

"Natural occurrence?"

"No, the after effects of curing it."

"Oh, that stuff. Yeah, it can do that. We'll let the people looking it over have this file. You go be safe."

She smiled. "I'm tutoring tonight." She left, going back to her place to make food for the meeting tonight and brush her dog to make sure he wouldn't shed all over the library. She also printed some recipes for the math problems later. She went and they had a few kids there. She smiled. "I made real food." They cheered and came over to get some. The rest showed up and Conor sniffed each one as they came in. He lapped the baby that came but the mom just petted him for it. "Hey, guys. I made casseroles. And brownies." They dug in while she set up. "All right, this is tonight's lesson in fractions. How many cups of ingredients will I have?"

They stared at the recipe. "A whole bowl full," one of the girls said. "I didn't think my mom used cinnamon in hers."

"I usually use nutmeg," Darcy said with a wink. "I've got my version on the phone if you want to copy it." She pointed. "Do we know how to add fractions?" They shook their heads so she moved to the white board to work on that for them. They all took notes and a few worked out the problem. She had put up a conversion list too in case they needed them.

"Looks like you'll have about six cups. Five-and-three quarters," one of the girls said.

"Great job," Darcy said with a smile. "I do, plus liquid." She nodded at that. "A hint, but in recipes like this, you mix the liquids together, then the dry together then add the dry to the wet." Some of them made that note. "Okay, let's go to the next version." She put that recipe up for them. They settled in to work on it. And a few copied it down. Darcy patted the small pile of papers on the end of the table. "I made a few copies of each. We can make more if more want it. I pulled most of these out of my older cookbooks and they're ones I like but I have my own on my phone if you guys wanted to get into them." They nodded and settled in to work on math things. Conor went to lay next to the kid. "Conor, let the baby nap," she ordered. "You only get to lick babies under supervision. Just in case."

Conor huffed but came back to sniff her and get a dog treat so he could watch the door. He was a good herd guardian for his shepherd Darcy.

The mom looked. "I'm sure the kid won't poke him in the eye, Darcy."

"I'm still working on his training and I don't want him laying on the baby. He weighs as much as she does. He's part mountain dog. They used to watch sheep and cows in the mountains."

"He's gonna be a huge, fluffy sucker," one of the boys said with a nod. "Huge paws and huge mouth."

"Yeah, he eats almost three cups of food a day right now. He'll need more in a few months." She reached down to pet him. "But he's a great dog." The dog barked at her and she scratched his ears. "You're a great dog, Conor." She handed over another dog biscuit.

"Can people really make their own dog food?" one of the girls asked.

"Yeah. You can find recipes for dog and cat food online. Cat food has things like finely ground up bones in it and a lot of other stuff. You need a seriously good grinder for that. Dog food was less complicated but you still have to buy some supplements."

"Huh," she said, looking that up on her phone. "That's so weird."

"It is," Darcy agreed. "Which is why I buy him food and he sometimes gets meat when I'm eating dinner." They laughed. "Lucky's a pizza mooch."

"We heard from Kate," one of them agreed. They got onto the workbook problems and it was going okay. They understood how to do the fractions now. Plus how to turn them into decimal points so they could do it easier. It was on the prep test so probably in the regular one.

Darcy looked down as Conor went to sniff the door and then started to bark. "What's up?" she asked, going to answer the door. "Hi, Missus Jones." She smiled. "This is Conor, he's my protective buddy who sometimes cuddles."

"He's adorable but no dogs in the library, Miss Lewis."

"Sorry, I couldn't leave him home tonight. My security system only half works thanks to lightening. He might bite the guy that tried to crawl in my window to leave me a nightie."

"Fine. This time. Don't let him make a mess." She pointed.

Darcy looked then at her. "He's not eliminating. I walked him before we came in to make sure."

"All right then. Just don't do it again, Miss Lewis, or we'll have to not allow you to use the room for a few weeks."

"Yes, ma'am. Sorry." She grinned. The librarian smiled and Darcy let her have a brownie. The older woman walked off nibbling but smiling. Darcy grinned at the kids. "If we can't use the room some night, I'll figure it out and put it on my twitter." They all nodded, digging in again. It was a good practice session. They were getting really close to taking the test again. Most of them had gotten at least one section.

***

Darcy bounded into the avengers facility a few weeks later, pausing to hug Bruce. "I have good news."

"You look like it's great news, Darcy. How did you get in?" He didn't think Darcy still had a security clearance.

"I got dropped off here by the guys that I had to taze for trying to kidnap me. They wanted to present me to Clint to show that they wanted to be nicer to me." She smirked. "They really didn't like that, bro."

"Ah, them." He nodded, walking her to the common area. "Clint, she ran into some neighbors."

"And I quote, because they told me to tell you since they couldn't get in to deliver me in person. Bro, we're really sorry we tried to kidnap her because a few of our guys want to make some time with the pretty dame, bro, but we're never going to underestimate the dame again. Because, bro, no normal chick is that tough so we figure she's your trainee, bro, and we're really sorry we thought I was just pretty and had big jugs. Please don't shoot at us from the roof anymore, bro, or send that Russian guy after us. He's kinda weird and really mean, bro, so we're staying away from him."

Clint blinked at her. That made him quit eating lunch. Really, only Darcy got into things like that. Thankfully it wasn't contagious so Katie Kate wouldn't get that gift. "Huh," he said. "They kidnaped you?"

"From the grocery store," she said dryly. "And drove me up here to give me to you since you weren't home." He groaned. "So yeah, I need to figure out a way home after I pounce Scott with happy notes." He pointed. She walked that way, finding Cassie. She squealed and hugged her then Scott. "The kids *all* passed. The whole test. Everyone got all that they needed and a few passed every single part." He grinned. "They said thank you and I should pounce you extra hard to hug because a few of them took your advice and are going to vo-tech this fall. I'm starting a new group tomorrow night." She winked at Cassie. "Did you get that other recipe?"

"I did and I tried it out in home ec. The teacher was amused but it was good. It was ugly to look at but really good, and much better than lunch that day." Darcy hugged her again. "You're goofy."

"You bet." She grinned. "I'm giddy with happiness and there's no disco music playing."

"Disco?" Scott demanded.

"The bro dudes got me from the grocery store but were sorry they underestimated me because I'm really tough so they were giving me back to Clint."

He sighed, shaking his head. "They're dumb."

"Yup." She smiled. "They wouldn't let me off at home, I had to be given to Clint as a peace offering so he'd quit shooting them or letting Bucky have them."

Scott nodded, patting her on the arm. "Only you." Darcy grinned. Stark walked in already shaking his head and sighing. "Saw it on the cameras?"

"From the gate. I let Hawkass out there see it too and he's mumbling swear words in some language only Natasha probably speaks." He stared at Darcy, who grinned. "We'll figure out how to get you back to the city soon." He got some coffee and walked off shaking his head. "Pepper's probably coming up in a bit and might head back soon too."

"I can find the train," she said. "I had my wallet on me when they got me out of the grocery store and thankfully the dog's at home."

Clint leaned in. "I called Bucky, he'll walk the dogs for you. You can't take the train, there's agents searching for someone on it today and you know how the FBI is when you run into them."

"Did you taze them too?" Cassie asked with a grin for Darcy.

"Not yet. They're mad I stopped a senator from taking out witnesses to his son's stupid moment."

"Oh, him. I did a report on that. The teacher said that was a myth until I pulled up the newspaper articles I used for research. Then she groaned about the state of higher education."

"She should complain about the state of drunks in higher education. She should really look at one of the sociology teachers too. They're cranked beyond belief." Cassie giggled, getting a hug from Darcy and a smirk to her father. "Not even that guy who thinks men are all inherently macho. That one just hates aliens. Thinks Thor should be a Roswell Gray. That the blond and muscles are just an illusion."

"I don't need to know. I'm not going there," Scott assured her.

Darcy grinned. "Let me know if I need to write her letters of recommendation for school. I can do that."

"I'm sure." He nodded with a grin. "Go be bouncy outside?"

"Yup. I can do that." Cassie went back to making a sandwich. Darcy went to bother Clint until he let her go home. Scott looked at his daughter, who grinned back.

Of course, the bad things happened and of all beings, AIM tried to invade. Darcy found a gun somewhere. And used it fairly well. Natasha gave her a few funny looks but Darcy was still bouncy. At the end, Natasha escorted her to the infirmary. "She's laughing." She walked off to talk to Clint.

"Yeah, she was dosed with something. She's never that bouncy," Clint said when Natasha stared at him for a second. "Infirmary?" She nodded. "That's fine. I called Barnes to warn him. I'm wondering if someone paid the Russian mob guys to be a distraction or if it was just coincidence."

Natasha looked at him then groaned. She went to the kitchen to get a drink then down to the infirmary, where Darcy was happily chatting with the nurses. One of the nurses looked at her. "She said they stuck her with something when they were kidnaping her from the grocery store. That's why they were so shocked she kicked one in the side with her heels, which ruined her heel probably, and then tazed the others until they were very sorry and decided Clint would like her back," the nurse told her. Darcy grinned and nodded. "And she's having a happy day."

"And she got pumped full of female hormones yesterday. It tends to make me a bit bouncy," Darcy agreed.

"The birth control shot can do that to some women," the nurse agreed. "My daughter turns into double her usual teenager self when she gets hers. She usually needs pompoms and pork chops to get back to normal."

Darcy grinned at her. "I just get a bit bouncy and happy. Then the stuff they gave me on top of it is really stupid. Half the sedatives out there do that to me anyway. I'm sure they're sorry though." She grinned. "I'm kinda glad I didn't have a knife or the dog with me."

Natasha nodded, handing her some juice. "We'll find a way to get you home soon, Darcy."

"Sure." She grinned. "Did the idiots that just tried to crash the party pay the Russian mob guys? They went *way* out of their neighborhood to get me this time. I was shopping at the organic place that gets stuff from the floating garden barge and was in Italian run neighborhoods."

Natasha stared at her. "We've been wondering that ourselves. We can ask." She went to talk to Clint. "The organic grocery store that gets food from the garden barge?"

"You heard about the floating neighborhood garden?" Scott asked. Natasha nodded. "There's a few places that sells the produce to go back to the community. Darcy likes one over the other two because that one's in an old Family watched-over neighborhood. No one acts up there without them hearing about it."

Clint nodded once. "I know that neighborhood. Even the thugs don't like to work there without permission. That could cause a mess." He looked at Scott, who shrugged. "Let me call Matt to see if he's heard there's a mess in the making." He dialed his phone, getting his voicemail. "Darcy's safe and with me," he said. "The Russian guys who say 'bro' a lot kidnaped her from Manelli's neighborhood so tell me if you hear rumors of them coming to talk about it in my neighborhood please, Matt." He hung up. "That could get messy. Those two groups have an uneasy truce most of the time."

"Darcy also said she got some sort of birth control shot yesterday."

"Yeah, that stuff rocks," Clint said with a grin. "She and Kate were talking about it during practice I made Darcy come to since she hasn't had any target practice in a while. Kate asked since she knew Darcy was on it. Works for three months. Can take up to a year to wear out of your system. Bucky was giving the girls odd looks for talking about birth control while firing guns. I made him go too." He grinned. "He hasn't had much practice either."

Natasha blinked at him. "Thank you for that. Is it that effective?"

"Yes," Clint said with a grin and a nod. "It is. Even if you miss it by a week, Darcy said you'd only get a period. It can apparently stop them for a long time in a row too."

"Wow," Natasha said. "I had not thought about such needs for normal women like Kate."

"Kate said she had been on the patch but she forgot and had an unexpected problem one night during something bigger they had to help break up."

"That can happen to women," Stark said as he walked behind them. "There's the stick things that go in your arm or the shot."

"Darcy's on the shot and they were talking about longer term options. Darcy told her about the IUD thing too. It's rare that they puncture stuff but they're handy. Kate's talking to Darcy's doc about that."

"It's a wise decision for a young woman her age. Lapses of reason can cause uncomfortable, long term side effects," Natasha said. "I know we'd all like her not to have a child soon."

"Or catch anything," Clint said with a small smirk. "Her dad would probably blame me for it somehow."

"Also true," Natasha said as she walked off shaking her head.

"So glad I don't have to have that talk with my kid yet," Scott quipped.

"Mom already did," Cassie called. "Because a girl a few years older than me on the block had to have an abortion, Dad. It was going to kill her otherwise."

Scott looked back at her, frowning. "One of your friends?"

"No." She looked at him. "One of the just older pack of girls up the street. Apparently there had been a party with dad's whiskey bottle included in the game of truth or dare and things. I'm too young to be invited to such swanky affairs," she finished blandly.

"You'd better not," he warned.

She smirked at him. "I'm not turning into you, Dad."

"Thank you!"

"Mom's *real* blunt on some subjects."

"Good! Before I make someone like Stark give you that talk too."

"Don't punish Stark that way. He still stares her like she's a little robot," Clint said, cracking up both of them. "Ask Bruce." He grinned. "Or Natasha."

"I don't want to spar with the Hulk," Scott told him. "Really."

Darcy came up the hall whistling. "Did you see that commercial for Coke or whatever it was?" she asked Scott, grinning at Cassie.

"No," he admitted. "What commercial?" She pulled it up on her phone, letting him see 'Ant Man' stealing a coke from the lab, which made the Hulk angry enough to chase him to get it back. Then he had to open the can for him because the Hulk couldn't operate pop top cans. He groaned, handing back the phone. "I should sue," he said. "I didn't give permission to that. Has Pepper seen it?"

"She's the one that sent it to me. It was one of the Superbowl ads."

"So going to complain," he muttered. Cassie giggled. "You knew?"

"Yup, saw it and made Mom come watch it with me on TIVO, Dad. She said the guy looked better in your suit than you do." He shot a glare at her but went back to complaining. Cassie grinned at Darcy. "Can I meet Kate? She's nearly my age."

"Isn't that up to Scott?" Darcy asked her.

"Yup, I don't mind. Kate's a good girl," Scott said, rubbing his forehead. "I know Cassie won't want a bow, she doesn't try to steal Clint's." Clint smirked at him. "We can meet her on the way back from visitation, sweetie."

"Thanks." She got back to her homework, grinning at Darcy. Who smirked back. "We should make brownies. Chocolate cures girl problems according to Mom."

"It can cure many problems, or at least makes them see trivial," Darcy agreed, taking her to look in the kitchen. Almost bare shelves. She sighed. Cassie got her into the pantry and she found what they'd need to bake stuff. No chocolate but other things. They could handle that. Darcy could teach her how to bake properly until someone let her go home.

***

Clint got home and found Kate crying on his couch. "Hey." She launched herself at him, hugging him. "What happened? One of your friends get hurt? Or your team?" She shook her head, sobbing harder. He winced. "Your dad?" She nodded. He pushed her back some. "Is he in the hospital? Or did someone take him out?"

"He wouldn't sell the old paper," she sniffled, staring at him. "They bombed his car!" He pulled her closer to hug. "I don't know what to do, Clint."

"Shh. We'll figure it out, Katie." He texted Darcy. She knew how to handle this stuff. She ran over and took Kate from him to cuddle, letting the girl cry on her. Clint made coffee and cocoa for the young one. She was only seventeen! Darcy smiled sadly at him. "I can call around, see if we know who."

"I shot three thugs the day I came out to him," Kate said, sniffling as she looked up at Darcy. "How do I handle this?"

"I can help," she promised quietly. "It's not something you should do alone anyway." She nodded, hugging her again. "Shh, Katie. You know you can have my spare room for a bit if you want." She nodded. "We'll handle it. Have the police said anything?" She shook her head. "Okay." He got them the muffins he had bought for his own breakfast and looked around then at her. Darcy pointed. Lucky was in his bedroom on the bed with Cutey, her cuddled under his chin. Clint nodded. Darcy got Kate calmed down for now, getting her to drink some cocoa. "There's nothing you can do tonight but grieve. Tomorrow we'll help you go ask the officers if they know anything." She nodded, sipping. "Then we'll stand with you when you make a few decisions." Kate stared at her. "Someone will have to."

"I...."

"I can help," she reminded her. "I was here with my dad, Kate. I can help." She nodded, curling up against her again. She looked at Clint, who called an officer he knew to check on what they knew so far. He got told to butt out but oh well. That wasn't going to stop Kate Bishop doing what she had to do; it just made sure she'd be doing it harder and faster.

***

Darcy smiled as she walked Kate into the police station, getting a few looks. "She's my protege. I need an heir, she's a great one." Kate swatted her but scowled a bit. They went to the detective that had the case, hearing him sigh in displeasure. "I think you'll find that if you ask her a few things, she might be able to help."

"We know her father was being pressured to sell the paper. Not sure why," he admitted.

"Fisk wanted the building for something and someone else wanted the printing supplies," Kate said, sitting in his visitor's chair. "Did you ask the thugs I shot?"

The detective blinked. "What thugs you shot, Miss Bishop?"

"The day I told my dad I wear spandex real often, I walked in and found three thugs. One I know was Fisk's thug. The other two were lower level street muscle my father used to know," she said quietly. "I called an officer I know to come handle the slight mess I made with my bow."

The guy nearly swallowed his chewing gum. "Your...bow?"

She nodded. "My dad had just filed for bankruptcy reorganization a week before and I realized that I had to tell him before someone in the courtroom told him." She stared at him. "If it wasn't Fisk, who the hell was it?"

"We think it was him," he admitted.

"Well he's not getting shit from me either," Kate said dryly, cracking Darcy up. "I'm a lot more stubborn than my father was. I get it from my mother."

The detective looked at Darcy then at her. "Your mom?" he guessed with a point.

"My friend. She's helping me make arrangements today because she had to bury her father when she was in her undergrad."

"Oh. That's fine." He looked at Darcy. "We can talk without you."

"Sure, let me get my attorney down here," she said with a polite smile. The man slumped, staring at her. "I'm going to make it very easy on Katie. She's a great friend. I know she'll give you time to work," she said, looking at Kate, who nodded.

"I'll wait until the end of the investigation and if you can't find him I sure can." She stared at him. "I'm not that nice, Detective. But I will make sure my father's killers go away." She stood up, handing over a card. "To my cell. I'm off school for the next few weeks anyway on grief leave and on Darcy's couch."

Darcy handed over a card with a smile. "Mine. I'm usually home whenever I'm not tutoring."

"All right," he said, seeing her name then looking at her. "You're *that* Lewis lady."

"Yes, I am her too." She smiled. "I'm very protective. He's not coming near Kate."

"Good. I'll keep you informed, Miss Bishop. It'll take me a few weeks to get all the lab stuff done."

"I know," she said, smiling slightly. "I thought about being a CSI once." She walked out with Darcy, going to the morgue. The attendant stared at Darcy, backing up a step. Kate looked at her. "What did you do? Taze a body?"

Darcy rolled her eyes. "When my uncle was killed by his last wife, I kinda faced her down here. His first wife made her shoot herself in the stomach. I just stomped her ass until my aunts got there. This is Kate Bishop. Her father's here somewhere."

"I'll tell the ME, ma'ams," he said, calling back there. "We have a Miss Bishop here," he said. He hung up. "They'll come right out, Miss Bishop. Are you eighteen?"

"She is," Kate said. "And I'm an orphan now."

"You know you have my couch or spare bedroom," Darcy reminded her. "We can handle that later." Kate swallowed but nodded. "We have an appointment later with a lawyer to get you emancipated." She rubbed her back. "Hi," she told the woman walking out.

"Miss Bishop?" Kate nodded, stepping forward. "How old are you?"

"Seventeen," she admitted. "There's no other family. I have a reasonable adult with me," she said with a point at Darcy.

"She's my protege," Darcy said with a smile.

"That's fine. We need to ask a few questions. Your mentor can sit out here if you want, Miss DeCriths." She pointed at the waiting area.

"I can do that," she agreed, sitting down.

Kate walked back with the ME to answer questions about who would be handling his body after it was released and what he had eaten beforehand. They had found alcohol on his clothes. Kate looked at the reading then asked her the brand of scotch. The ME had to look it up. Kate shook her head. "Dad didn't drink anything that cheap. That's not his brand. He was kind of specific about only getting the stuff that tasted right and was made in the right places.

"His scotch came from a shop in Brooklyn and was about fifty bucks a bottle on sale. He only bought it when it was on sale but he stocked up with a few. He only drank scotch a few times a year but it was in certain foods he liked." She considered it. "Was the car on fire?" The ME nodded. "That probably means it was added. Was he dead before then?" she asked.

"Yes, he died before the fire from what we can tell. He didn't suffer. There was a gunshot wound."

Kate slumped but nodded. "Thank you for easing that worry. I'll get with the funeral home in about a hour. I need to go hit a heavy bag repeatedly right now."

"I understand. If we have more questions, we'll call." She handed over a card and one of Darcy's. "That's fine. Let us know. It'll be about a week anyway, Miss Bishop." Kate nodded and left, going back to Darcy, who hugged her to her side. The ME watched them go. "She's a strong young woman," she said to her assistant.

"She is," she agreed. "And if she's going to fall, it's good she's got someone strong there to catch her."

"That young woman won't let the young one fall." She went back to her office to make those notes to pass onto the detectives.

***

Darcy walked up to someone later that night, walking him off. "Hey." The guy blinked at her. She smiled. "I'm Darcy. Kate's on my couch right now, she cried herself to sleep."

"Do we know you, lady?"

She smiled. "I'm Darcy Lewis, kiddo. Kate's staying with me. She won't be up to being a Hawkeye for a few weeks."

America, one of the team, walked over. "Miss Lewis," she said with a smile.

Darcy grinned. "Kate's not up to helping for a few weeks."

"She's sick?" the boy asked.

"Her dad got murdered the other day," Darcy said more coolly, staring at him. He winced. "She spent today talking to the ME, the detectives, and her family attorney to get her emancipated so people quit trying to force her to bring a make-believe parent."

America nodded. "That totally sucks for her. Is she okay?"

"Not yet," Darcy admitted. "It can take a while but she's already told the detectives they'd better get the person."

America nodded. "I can see her making that her life's goal." She smiled. "Do you tutor other kids?"

"I can. I'm starting a new group tomorrow night. It was going to be tonight but the library's closed today due to a Hulk fist." America winced but nodded. "It'll be open again tomorrow once someone looks at the damage. You're more than welcome to come join us. Kate did some of the tutoring for me when I was missing. Scott Lang does sometimes too."

"I can do that," she decided. "Is the GED hard?"

"Kinda. Yeah. About tenth grade level hard though."

"I can probably do that."

"There's a test prep book. I can get you a copy if you want. I've got some in the car." She smiled. "I help whoever shows up. No affiliation refused."

"That'll help, yeah. Thanks, Miss Lewis."

"I'm Darcy, America. Just plain old Darcy."

"Sure." She shook her hand. "I'll pop around tomorrow to check on Kate."

"Tomorrow she's got an afternoon emergency hearing with a judge over her emancipation so we'll probably be gone from eleven to about four-ish."

"I can do that," she promised with a smile.

"Cool. Be sure to knock. The tazer system on the door is back on." She grinned and left them to talk.

America waited until Darcy had driven off to look at her teammate. "That's the one that HYDRA wants so hard," she said quietly. "Used to work with Thor's sweetheart in the lab as a lab flunkie according to Kate. She bakes too." They walked off together to tell the others. "Kate's not showing up for a bit except for stress relief from training."

"I heard about her dad. Who was that lady?"

"Darcy Lewis."

"Oooh. She's kinda stubborn. She avoided HYDRA for two years before they kidnaped her."

"That's almost unheard of," America agreed. "Kate's on her couch." They all nodded. "And she said if those of us who need a GED wants it, she's not against us dropping into her tutoring sessions." She gave one a pointed look and he nodded but rolled his eyes.

***

Kate looked around the funeral, noticing a few people. She sighed when Clint walked in and sat behind her with a pat for her shoulder. Darcy was next to her, holding her hand because she was about to break out in sobs any minute now. She noticed the detective in the back of the room and ignored him for now. She nodded at a few people staring at her. Including a few of her father's friends. She looked at the closed casket again. She almost wanted to run up to make sure it was her father in there. That no one had stolen his body.

Darcy shoulder nudged her. "The urge to stand up and yell about how they all avoided him for the last month is usual," she hissed in her ear. "So is the urge to run up and tip the casket over because you're angry with him."

"I..."

Darcy nodded. "The problem with a closed casket is you want to make *sure*," she agreed quietly.

Kate nodded. "I know but..."

"You don't *know*," Darcy agreed quietly. "But we know. They were sure when you asked last night."

She nodded. "They were and let me see him." She slumped, staring at the person there to speak. Her father wasn't really religious so there wasn't a minister to do the funeral service. Instead it was someone that knew her father well and would at least be able to hold a eulogy. He was well spoken, telling about her father's many good qualities and a few stories from his young and stupid days. Kate was clinging to Darcy's hand by the time he was done.

They moved to the graveside and she looked up. She didn't understand why it was usually really sunny during funerals but today was no exception. Clint stood right behind her. Darcy was on her left. America was on her right. That way no one could get close to her. She got handed a flower by America and tossed it in, squatting down to touch the casket and silently wish him a good trip to the next world. She stood up and went back to her protected spot. She noticed the detective staring but oh well. She couldn't watch it being lowered, turning her head to hide it in America's shoulder. At the end, the others trailed off. Clint stayed with her, America wouldn't let her wrist go. Darcy gave her a hug and stepped off two steps but glared at the detective for her.

Kate cleared her throat, accepting the tissues. She looked at the detective herself. "Did whoever killed him show up?" she asked.

"There's been a few accusations."

"I'm sorry," Darcy said. "Someone misunderstood things. Kate's one of *my* heirs at the moment and I'm worth more than the Mayor is." The detective flinched. "Kate loved her father very much. The reorganization filing was necessary for the business, not his personal accounts. Also, Kate has a locked trust from her grandmother and mother's estates. If she wanted to get money, all she has to do is talk to her lawyer. Or me." She stared at him. "Any other questions this miserable day?" she asked coolly.

"We had to ask, Miss Lewis."

"Hmm. Well, you asked. Any other questions that are ill-timed and ill-meant?" she asked dryly.

"No, Miss Lewis. Miss Bishop, have you received any threats?"

"I haven't been home," she admitted. "If I have, you'd have to look through the mail and I'll do that tomorrow with the family attorney. If so, I'm sure you'll hear."

"Please let us handle it."

Lewis looked at him. "Of course she will." She smiled. The detective shuddered as he walked off. "Well, we know whoever did it is trying to reassign blame," she said dryly, loud enough he heard it.

Clint grinned. "You changed your will?"

"She was in there the last time." She shrugged. "I need to make a next generation somehow. She makes a great one." Kate laughed but ended up crying on Clint's shoulder again. Darcy nodded at America. "Come over," she said quietly.

"Thanks. She needed to break," America said quietly. "I'll go with her tomorrow."

"Sure."

"We," Clint told her. "Just in case." America smiled and nodded. He looked at Kate. "Let's get you cleaned up and back into jammies. It's not the day for real clothes. I'll bring over the dogs so you can cuddle." She nodded, hugging the other two before walking off with them.

America watched how Darcy handled things. She was gently steering Kate to the limo they had rented for the day. Clint nodded so she joined them. Darcy's house was pretty nice and her dog loved her too. As soon as Kate came out of the bathroom, all three dogs ended up on her lap to cuddle her.

***

Darcy was coming out of tutoring when someone tried to stop her. "I don't know you. Get out of my way."

"I know you, Lewis," he sneered. "You're butting into...."

She tazed him, making him scream as he flopped around on the ground. "Really, am I?" She looked at him. "Interesting." She looked up then smiled at him. "And look, no one to save your slimy ass from me." She put things in her car and came back to get the guy who was trying to get up. She got him again before she threw him in the trunk and drove off with a happy blast of pop music.

The tutoring kids who had seen it stared at each other. Darcy was a lot harder than she seemed!

Darcy got out somewhere she had heard about and looked inside. "Hey, guys? Someone just tried to tell me I'm butting into things I shouldn't be. Anyone want the thug? If not, can I have a playmate?"

The heros in there stared at her. One moved closer. "Darcy."

She smiled and pinched him on the cheek. "Hi. Not sure if it's related to Kate's dad or what."

He looked at her. "Is he injured?"

"Well, I tazed him and threw him in the trunk. He got me coming out of tutoring so I was in a good mood." She smiled. "Want him?"

"Yeah, we can hold him. We were just talking about Mr. Bishop's killing."

"Someone shot him then set him on fire," Darcy said. "Kate got told by the ME."

"Damn it," he said. "Is she okay?"

"She's...it's normal. I spent six weeks on the couch in jammies. She's on week two and it's reasonable."

"Okay," he agreed. He waved at a few. "Come help, guys. We're not sure what sort of idiot he is."

She smiled at the others. "He tried to tell me I was butting things." A few shuddered. She went to pop the trunk, popping the tazer cartridge back into place since she had left it hanging over the trunk edge and zapped him again when he tried to climb out on his own. "Nope," she said with a smile. "Not likely."

Clint strolled over. "I have no idea who he is, guys." He looked at Darcy.

"Got in my way when I was coming out of the library and told me I was getting into things I shouldn't." She smiled. "I'm in a happy mood."

"Sure," Clint agreed with a smile. "You seem happy."

"This group of kids don't need that much tutoring based on the practice tests."

"Even better," he agreed. "Go ahead and release the tazer cartridge." She did that and put it back into the holster. "We can find out a few things easily. Hey, dude," he said, kicking him on the side. "Are you HYDRA?" He whined and shook his head. "Are you with the Russian Mob?" The guy glared at him. "Or AIM? SHIELD?" He shook his head. "Then who are you with since you got into Darcy's face and it's usually them that bother her?"

"She's breaking treaties by doing all that stuff."

"I tutor them for the GED," Darcy said coolly. "That doesn't hurt anyone. I don't care what group they belong to. Everyone deserves an education. If whoever you work for doesn't like that, they can blow me. I've got a pretty little strap on I can use for them to have a target." The guy's eyes went wide. "Anything else you wanted to talk about? Like the people who blew up a friend of mine's father?"

"We assume Fisk," he admitted, staring at her. "You're not affiliated."

"No, I'm not." She smiled. "My daddy was a Hollywood producer. My mom was a society bitch. I'm a society bitch part of the time. Now, anything else you wanted to know?"

"The Russian guys...."

She snorted, waving a hand. "They want, they're not getting. I don't date inarticulate people. They're kinda not my type. Especially the ones that tried to kidnap me to woo me. Even HYDRA learned *that* doesn't work." She stared at him. "You tell whoever you work for I don't give a goddess fucking damn about their job or anyone's job. I don't hold their affiliations against them.

"They're people who need an education and that's my thing. Younger kids, older kids, married kids, they're all in need of an education so they can hopefully make something of themselves. Frankly, if those Bro dudes don't leave me the fuck alone like they promised, I'm going to find their boss and make him sorry then take him over and make all those idiots get their own educations!

"And if you work for a rival group, did you really think them kidnaping me from a grocery store in one of your type of people's areas is really a good thing?" He shook his head quickly. "Good." She smiled. "You have fun with whoever the fuck you work for, dude. Don't make me get mad. And don't make me get mad at you especially." He nodded, scooting away from her and toward Clint. "Good. You have a better night." She patted him on the head like she would Lucky. "Let me go bake." She got into the car and drove off.

Clint smirked at him. "You just got me pastries. My future butt spread thanks you." He hauled him up. "Now, who do you work for? Before I have to tell her who I think you work for so she can go to lunch with them?" He spluttered. "She's real serious. She's got to deal with HYDRA. You're not worthy."

"She's hot," he admitted.

"Yeah, she is." Clint smirked at him. "And single, but picky."

"Pity." He looked at the others then at him. "We thought she was with them."

"No. They vowed to leave her alone on penalty of me shooting them with more explosive arrows than I've used so far."

The guy swallowed. "Hawkeye," he said, realizing he was possibly dead.

Clint grinned and pointed. "Both of us." The guy looked and shivered but shrank down. "Now, got any proof it was Fisk?"

"I'm pretty sure it was his minion. He wanted the printing equipment for a lot of reasons."

"Sure, I get that," Kate said, strolling over. "But I'm not selling to him. I can borrow Darcy's strap on and let him blow me."

The guy blinked and swallowed. "Yeah, I'll pass that onto my boss."

She smiled and pinched his cheek. "You have fun with that. Remember, Darcy's really mean when you make her paranoid. She's just fun the rest of the time." He nodded and ran off. She looked at the others. "Anyone got any proof? That way I can make sure of who I need to kill."

Matt hugged her. "It'll be okay, Kate. We'll help you with getting him into the prison of the state's choice for the rest of his short life."

She snorted. "May not be enough."

"That's vengeance and you're justice," he reminded her.

"Point. I guess." She looked up. "You smell really nice. I never noticed that before." He laughed and let her go. "I need to spar, guys. Darcy's been baking non-stop since it happened and it's been good for me emotionally but my uniform's getting tight."

"Ditto," Clint admitted. "She's a really good baker."

The others led them inside to go over the local problems they had been talking about. It'd help Kate get some stress relief. And Clint work off the pastries.

***

Darcy smiled at Kate when she showed up that night. "You okay? Need the first aid kit? Ice pack?"

"I'm fine. We sparred a bit. I'm your heir?"

"You're one of the lists of possibles. There's five of them including you. They have to swear to uphold my charity work and make me seem exceptional to anyone who asks."

"Sure I can do that." She flopped down, hugging the dogs. Lucky barked. "Clint's going to change and he'll be right over," she promised. Lucky went to stare out the window that faced his house. Darcy grinned at her. "Lucky's really smart."

"He is." Cutey hopped up to snuggle into her human's lap with a bark for her. Darcy patted her lap and Conor hopped up to cuddle her for now. Clint came in and Lucky ran over to bark and jump at his human until he sat down to pet him. "He missed you apparently," Darcy quipped. "We had a flea bath because Cutey picked some up in the park and I didn't want it to get friends. Lucky really likes to play with the blowdryer."

Clint looked at his dog. "You liked your bath with Darcy?" he asked with a grin. "Good boy." Lucky settled in to cuddle him. "Anything else happen when you got home?"

"Barnes isn't on the roof, I don't know why," she admitted. "His bag's gone too."

"Interesting," he agreed. "We'll figure it out. He could have moved to a regular apartment so he was out of the rain and had his own kitchen."

"Maybe. No clue. I left a message for Steve saying he had moved."

"That's reasonable," Kate agreed. "Hopefully he's gotten his own place." She cuddled her dog. "We have to go home tomorrow. The lawyer's coming."

"Call so you're not fighting the house alone," Darcy told her. She got up. "I've got to do charity work stuff." She went into her office/the not a guest bedroom unless someone's going to sleep on the floor and settled in to work on her mother's foundation. She had two emails waiting. She also had one on hold that she had answered with a 'I'm running behind due to helping a friend with her newly orphaned state' that wrote back saying she understood. She started on that one first. It was a good idea but it wasn't exactly practical. She went to that person's facebook to ask about the idea. There were a few things that would make it easier to implement.

Clint looked at her. "If you want, I'll go with you."

"I might or I might call some of my buddies." She smiled. "Thanks, Clint."

"Just remember to call me when you go after that guy, Kate," he said quietly. "I don't want you to go over a line that'll eat you forever."

She nodded. "I don't plan on it."

"You never do," he said.

"I know. Thanks, Clint."

"Not a problem. The lawyer?"

"My emancipation hearing went well. He agreed I was very mature and only six months before my birthday so it's fine. I'm legal again and he's got the papers. So do I with the school. I've been doing homework online for the last few days. My teachers all scowled about me staying out for a few more weeks but I pointed out I had a lot to do with the estate and I was doing my homework. My grades were actually up, and if I needed help I could ask Darcy. They hated she's teaching poor kids how to get their GED's."

"Some people are snobs," Clint agreed. "You want to stay in that school?"

"There's not another good one in the city."

"Point. So now what?"

"I'm thinking about selling the house. It's way too big for just me. Even when he was there, it was too big for the both of us. He told me he had bought such a big house because he expected more kids." Clint nodded. "He told me he should've sold it after Mom died. So I'm casually looking for somewhere I can live. Plus the paper and the other business stuff I can't deal with. I have no idea how to deal with them."

"We can help you figure that out, Katie Kate."

"I know. I'll take reasonable options for the paper's stuff. Not Fisk's but reasonable, legal offers."

"If you get threatened, you tell me immediately," he said. "Not Darcy, me." He gave her a pointed look. "Darcy would look really hot in Natasha's cat suit but none of us want that."

"No, we don't," Kate agreed. He grinned. The dogs all stared at her. "It's okay, guys. I'm okay today." They went back to napping. Kate nodded at the bedroom and Clint nodded. He took Lucky home while she went to shower and go to bed. It'd be another draining, long day in the morning.

***

Darcy looked at Kate the next day. "Someone online asked my twitter where your stepmom and sister are."

"Missing, presumed dead," she said, looking up at her. "Yacht accident or so they say." She grimaced. "Reporter?"

"Avengers groupie." She went to get some coffee since Kate had started the pot. "He collects all the cards and stuff."

"I didn't know I had some of those already."

"Yup," Darcy said with a grin. "He called you that hottie Hawkette."

Kate rolled her eyes but shook her head. "The judge knew and snorted about my stepmom being three whole years older than me."

"He also said your public profile to the groupies said you're twenty-one."

"Not yet," she said. "It'd be *nice*." Darcy grinned. "Any other happy questions?"

"One from an America Chavez making sure you're doing okay. And one from Billy asking that you call him."

"I'm...that's a weird thing, Darce."

"I realize that. Had a few of those." She grinned. "Really had a few of those." She took another drink. "But if it makes you happy it's not a bad thing."

"We're not really together."

"So? Having fun is a good point of healing."

She looked at her friend. "My dad was a jackass who had to give up his bad guy ties when I found out."

Darcy smiled and nodded. "That happens."

"I mean like he used to be a higher up thug."

"Kate, there's not a single job class that people like the mob haven't invaded. Printing included. Maybe especially with all the uses that printing presses can be used for." She gave her a look. "If he changed, then it's a great thing, even if it's because you found him out and told him you knew."

"I kinda busted his ploy to keep going on."

"It happens," Darcy agreed with a nod.

"Point. Thanks. I'm kinda fucked up right now."

"It's a very human condition, kiddo. Every human is fucked up one way or another. Sometimes it's something we went through, sometimes it's something we saw. Sometime's its our families. You just gotta deal with it and move on somehow."

Darcy looked at her. "I...got attacked a few years ago."

"I'm sorry. Did you work with someone?"

"Yeah. I had a therapist until last year. I didn't think I needed them anymore." Darcy nodded. "It's why I started to train. Did you...."

"I took some training after that thing in college but I'm not a fighter. Without weapons anyway. I'm not a great fighter without weapons."

"You could take the time to train," she offered.

Darcy came out to hug her. "You're not the first one that had the 'Darcy's normal and therefore vulnerable' feeling, kiddo. You're in good company though since it includes 'here, let me teach you how to shoot, Clint Barton and 'pretty girls should know how to do more than slap someone' Barnes." She grinned. "Not to mention 'you're a lab flunky, you have to let us protect you and follow orders' Steve Rogers." She smirked a tiny bit. "I was beating someone with a clipboard and he just let out this huge sigh and took the guy from me."

Kate looked at her. "You do really wacky things, Darcy."

"I know." She smirked. "I'm happy with that." She stared at her. "You're happy being Hawkeye and I'm happy being Darcy."

"Point. But if you want I'll help you find somewhere to train."

"Exercise is such a dirty word, Katie." She went back to the kitchen. "Am I making you a breakfast sandwich?"

"I already ate when I took the dogs out for a run in the park. Cutey of course rode in my backpack." Darcy's phone beeped. "Another question?" she asked at her dirty look.

"Someone asking if Hawkingbird is going out today." She looked at her.

"That's probably a bad guy," she said dryly. "Very few of them make fun of me for being like a kid between Clint and his ex-wife."

Darcy smirked and wrote back something smartassed about not letting pet birds fly free, it was dangerous for them, but she didn't own a pet bird at this time. She let Kate see it, cracking her up. Then she sent it and went back to making breakfast. "Should I cook for Clint?"

Kate got up to look out Darcy's bedroom window. She walked out shaking her head. "Still asleep on his couch with Lucky using him as a pillow." She flopped back down, cleaning her weapons. "How do you find an apartment?"

"You talk to people who have friends who've moved recently about where they looked and why they didn't like it. I asked Matt Murdock about his landlord and Clint found me this place."

"I need to talk to them myself." She considered it as she brushed her dog. Darcy made a few sandwiches, putting a few of them in the microwave for whenever Clint came over. Kate pulled out her phone to see all the messages. She sent one to Billy telling him she wasn't ready to go have fun yet. America and Billy both got told she was going home for a bit.

"You could keep the house and get roomies," Darcy reminded her, licking off her thumb while she ate.

"I'm not sure if I could handle that," Kate admitted.

"Okay, take Clint with you when you look at places, or some older guy. They'll try to trick you or overcharge you since you're a young woman. I still get some of that sometimes until I note I had owned apartments before."

"I can do that. He agreed to help me find one." She considered it, texting her friends then getting up. "Let me go handle that problem." She took her dog with her, meeting up with his buddies and Clint outside. They had a car between them. Darcy watched them go, smiling at their backs.

***

Darcy woke up to something flapping outside her window. She went to look, expecting it to be birds but Conor liked to bark at pigeons. He wasn't barking, he was staring at it oddly. She stared at the mechanical bird out there. "Hi," she told it. "Are you a drone or something?" The mechanical stork opened his chest cavity and pulled out a bundle, putting it on the window before taking off. "WHAT THE EVER LIVING FUCK!" she shouted. She opened the window, pulling the baby inside. It wasn't waking up.

"Conor, fetch the phone," she ordered, staring at the thing. He barked and got the phone, coming back to sniff and back away from the baby. "Yeah, it stinks," she agreed. She called 9 11. "Hi, I live in apartment 8 of my building and I just had a drone thingy drop a living infant on my windowsill. Lady, I'm not drunk," she said. "I just woke up. I'm really not drunk. I've got a really messy baby here in my hands and it's not mine." The 911 operator suggested a safe haven shelter. "Lady, it's not my kid," she said firmly.

"I haven't been pregnant and it's not my kid. So can I get some help please?" She got hung up on. "Fine. We're smart beings, we can handle this," she told the dog. They went into the bathroom first. She carefully peeled off the wet and messy blanket then clothes, putting them into the empty trash can in there so they could be bagged up for whenever someone did get here. She washed the baby off, it was horribly messy, but still asleep somehow. She considered it. "Miss Emmers is a former nurse," she said.

She got up and put a towel around the baby's naked body and put him in front of the dog. "Watch him, Conor, but don't sit on him. I'll be right back." She ran down the stairs to the apartment across the hall and the next floor down. "Mrs. Emmers, someone just dropped a baby on my fire escape," she said. "The baby was really messy and all that but also won't wake up and 911 thought I was drunk. I have no idea what to do."

"I'll come right up, Darcy. That's a horrible thing. Did you see who dropped it off?"

"It was a robotic bird," she said. "I have no idea. I'm so lost." The older woman patted her and followed her up the stairs to the bathroom.

"I thought you were kidding."

"No!" She shook her head. "The baby won't wake up. I had to give it a bath because it was in those," she said with a point at the nasty pile of cloth. "I tried to call 911. This is not my forte! I only take care of adults!"

"Calm down, Darcy. Panicking never helps." She checked the baby over. "Clearly sedated. Why drop it here?" Darcy shrugged. "All right. Let me call my son-in-law. He's not an officer but he works near one of the local ones. He can run over." She called him. "Paul, it's Momma. One of my neighbors just had a baby dropped on her windowsill to the fire escape. It was nasty and it's sedated. We need an officer here please and 911 laughed at her. Thank you, Paul. She's up in number eight, all the way at the top. Thanks." She hung up and tucked her phone back into her pocket. "It's a bit past a newborn."

"That's good," Darcy said, going to open the door. She came back. "I have no idea what to do about diapers or anything."

"Don't worry. Delores downstairs has one that visits sometimes." She texted her and the other older lady in the building came up to fuss over the baby. "Darcy here said that a robotic bird brought it."

Darcy pointed. "It's sitting on the other building staring at us." They looked at it oddly then went back to fussing over the baby. It still wasn't coming out of whatever sedative.

Darcy looked at the officer that came in. "Finally! I tried to call 911."

"Ma'am, when did you have the baby?" he asked with an encouraging smile.

"It's not mine. I've never been pregnant. I'm still not pregnant and I'm on meds to make sure I can't get pregnant ever."

"So a robotic drone really dropped it off?" he asked dryly.

She hauled him to the window and pointed. "Robotic stork." She looked at him.

"How do you know it's a robot?"

"It's got helicopter blades," she said. "The baby was in the chest cavity and it took it out and laid it on the windowsill when my dog alerted me something odd was out there. The baby won't wake up, thankfully my neighbors are *great* and have a clue. The baby was so nasty I had to give it a bath because it was so foul I didn't want to touch even the outer blanket layer. I have no idea what to do here so I called you guys. Your operator thought I was drunk!"

"I think you're panicking," he offered.

"What would you be doing?" she demanded.

"Darcy, panicking never helped any situation," Mrs. Emmers said patiently. "She's right, Officer. The baby's clearly sedated. It's been an hour and it hasn't woken up at all. I'm a former nurse and this isn't normal. The amount of refuse on the baby's things speaks of a long time in the drone."

"It's such an adorable thing," Delores said with a smile. "I brought up a few diapers just in case it was needed. My granddaughter won't mind too much that I leant her one."

"Still not mine," Darcy quipped with a hand wave. "The last girlfriend I had was in high school and she's got three kids but none are mine."

The officer coughed but nodded. "All right. I need to call in some people."

"We need to get the baby checked by an expert," Mrs. Emmers said. "And if we can we need to trace that drone. Or capture it."

Darcy nodded. "Yeah, we might be able to do that." She went to look at Clint's apartment. He was barely coming in. She waved and mimed 'call me'. He huffed but did. "Clint, majorly important. Look toward the river, see that silver stork? It's a drone and it dropped a baby on my doorstep. We need it captured. Can you net arrow it? Please?" She listened. "Seriously. Yes, a robotic stork, Clint. Please? Thanks." She hung up. Clint climbed out onto his fire escape and did get the drone bird with a net arrow. He gathered it and brought it over. "Thank you."

He looked at the baby. "Wow."

"Yeah!" She nodded. "And it was carrying the baby in its chest cavity and it was hugely nasty."

"So a long time flying," Clint said. "I wonder if Stark can search it out." He was texting him. Stark was having a fit.

Some woman in a lab coat stomped up the stairs. "I'm sorry. My son was meant to go to his father, who used to live here. Would you know where he went?" she asked politely.

Darcy stared at her. "How irresponsible are you!" she demanded. "You could've killed that kid!"

"I..."

"Did you even test the range of that drone? Or with the extra weight?"

"Of course I did!" she complained back.

"Babies wiggle," Clint said. "How did you avoid that wobble in the flight path?" he asked, putting his phone on speaker so Stark could hear.

"That's why I sedated it. Can I have it back?" she asked with a smile for the officer.

"Hell no!" Darcy shouted. "You put a baby in a robotic stork drone and sent it who knows how many miles! You endangered the baby's life! You endangered whoever would've found it if it wasn't someone with *some* sense ! How dare you!"

"My ex-boyfriend said he was going to take it in," she said.

Darcy stared at her. "I know a lot of irresponsible scientists, but damn! You broke the damn mold." Clint winced.

"Are you a scientist?" she huffed.

"No, I'm a former lab intern and I've seen worse problems out of lab people but you're about to take the top damn prize, lady! Who is the baby's daddy? We can contact him so the officers can make sure he's a responsible adult sort."

"His name's Johnny," she said with a sniff. "You're not one of us, you wouldn't understand."

"I damn sure know how to test things to make sure they won't fall out of the sky with an innocent life!"

"Johnny Storm?" Clint asked. The scientist smiled and nodded. "We can test the baby," Clint told the officer.

"Yes, we can. I'm in the tower, we can do the DNA swab ourselves and notify him," Stark's voice said. "We have his DNA in a rescue kit. Bring the baby here and you can have social services show up to gather it once we make sure that's not the daddy," Stark said.

"Um, Mr. Stark?" the officer asked. It was a good assumption since he was standing in front of the very angry Avengers member who had called the guy. Since he was talking about testing and science, it probably wasn't Captain America and he doubted Doctor Banner would be that calm. He got a grunt of assent. "It's about shift change and I'm not sure if I can do that. They're cracking down on overtime."

"Once you get here, you can call in for a relief officer," he said patiently. "We won't be hurting the kid and you'll be having a lot of fun arresting that bimbo of science anyway, Officer. Also, our infirmary is great so they can check the baby over for the sedative and other tests that might be needed." The sound of music in the background. "Great, Storm's out and about doing something."

"Use the power of Twitter," Darcy said. "Or email Sue."

"What?" Stark demanded.

"Sue. His sister?" She pulled out her phone to look up Sue's twitter. "She still allows private emails."

"I didn't think any of us allowed those," Stark admitted.

"They use it for reports in," Clint admitted.

Darcy finished typing and sent it then sent one to their twitter. "I'm sending one in my name saying that she or Johnny need to call you, Stark. It's seriously important and a huge problem in the making. Especially since he's pooping again." The older ladies took him to change. Darcy looked at the officer, who was calling in. He nodded, arresting the mother, who was screaming.

"Bring me the drone too," Stark ordered. "I can get into the tracking profile to see where she started it from for the evidence chain."

"Yes, Mr. Stark. Thank you all for the help." He carefully took the baby and trash bag of clothes. The older ladies smiled and waved. Clint walked him down to hand over the drone. The ladies came down chatting. The officer smiled and shook their hands but had to go arrest her.

Clint came back, staring at her. "How does this sort of thing happen around you?"

"I have no idea. I was napping on the couch until Conor started to make confused noises at the fire escape." She shrugged. "And I don't think Johnny used to live here."

"No," he said with a head shake. "He lives uptown in the Baxter building. I've sent him a twitter not to panic."

She hugged him. "Thank you."

"Welcome." He smiled. "You better?"

"Still a bit panicky. The 911 operator thought I was drunk."

He nodded. "I thought you were drugged again," he admitted. "Let me go get dinner. Katie's eating with friends tonight and probably drinking the rest of her father's liquor."

"Okay. I'm going to go take a long bath after I scrub that nastiness out of the tub." He smiled but let her do that. Clint went to have dinner with his dog and relax. It was one hell of a shock.

Uptown, Stark was exposing the flight plan that was programmed in, letting the officers that had been called up to spare the first one see it. "She sent it from lower New Jersey so it had to fly over water at the very least." He looked at them. "And the DNA test," he said, going to that machine. "Shows no 'X' gene. And is not his. But a match came up in CODIS." He printed it and handed it over with a flourish and a smirk. "You have fun with them."

"Oh, we will, Mr. Stark. Thank you for that help."

"I thought I had seen all the possible combinations of idiots that could be in a lab. This one's even far out there for my weird scientists."

"I understand why the 911 operator thought she was drunk," one of them admitted. "Hopefully the father's a better sort." They left together, with the drone bird.

Stark went to talk to Pepper, who had Sue Storm in there. "Did she tell you why?"

"Yeah. Is it his?"

"No. It comes up with a nice blond guy that lives in upper Pennsylvania." He flopped down. "She was in New Jersey and had the stork drone flying from there." Sue winced. "Apparently she wasn't there very long since she had time to show up at Darcy's apartment an hour and a half after the baby landed."

"Wow," Sue said. "That's seriously warped and wrong." She shook her head. "I'll tell Johnny he's off the hook and what's going on. We all know he plays safely."

"Most of us guys have at least one scare like that," Tony quipped.

"I think this is his third," Sue admitted. "Thanks, Tony, and you as well, Pepper." She shook their hands and went back to their building, strolling into their kitchen where Johnny was eating fruit. "It's not yours." He sighed in relief. "He's a blond guy from Pennsylvania. Still freaky though."

"Very. I'm glad I got warned before someone started to yell about it." He ate a bite. "She really put it into a drone shaped like a stork?"

"She really did and it was flying from New Jersey." He glared. "Yeah, she's under arrest. She's seriously twisted. Even Stark agreed with that."

"So do I." He walked off eating his pear and shaking his head. "It's not mine. Some guy pretended to be me to pick up women in a bar apparently."

"Not the first time," Reed Richards complained. "I can't believe they used twitter."

"We weren't here," Ben reminded him. "It was fastest and it's not like that lady spilled any news."

"She's Jane Foster's former intern," Sue said as she walked out to join them. "She sent me a private email and the tweet was an announcement to check it."

"I'm just happy some reporter can't yell that at me as I'm flying past," Johnny said. He threw out the pear core and flopped down. "The kid okay?"

"Stark found the dad in CODIS," she admitted. "So we'll see."

He looked at her and nodded. "Rough life for the kid to start with."

"Yeah," she agreed. "I'm just glad that Lewis had some sense. Or at least had people she could lean on for sense since she had to call a few neighbors for help. I sent a private 'thank you' email and she said it wasn't a problem and the neighbors were happy to cuddle the quiet little guy."

Johnny nodded. "That's really not something I want to wake up to either."

"Hopefully she'll go to work for someone ethical when she gets out," Reed said. "Even with her record." Everyone stared at him. "Better than AIM surely."

"True," Sue agreed with a nod. "That's better than AIM taking her in."

They all relaxed and watched the news about the baby and drone that had hit the local news. At least they weren't reporting why it had been sent there. The reporters were complaining about their fight though. Even though they hadn't done any property damage this time.

***

Darcy woke up, staring up at the ceiling. There weren't that many places that looked that ugly and smelled this bad. She looked around the cubicle she was in, then sighed, making herself sit up with a groan of pain for her headache. She held her head, looking over her body. Two bandages she didn't have the day before. A sore ankle that was rabidly purple and swelling. She was frowning at it when someone walked in. She blinked at the woman. "How did I get here?" she asked.

The woman stared at her. "We were hoping you knew, ma'am."

"Darcy Lewis," she said, waving her free hand slightly. She blinked a few times. "I take it I have a concussion?" The woman nodded, smirking some. "Are you a nurse, a doc, or HYDRA?" she asked bluntly. "So I know how much I have to aggravate my head?"

"I'm a nurse, Miss Lewis. I'm definitely not HYDRA, they pay much worse than even a city hospital does."

"Okay." She nodded slightly and winced again, rubbing her neck. "Did I break the ankle?"

"Yup." She paged the doctor and came back. "Do you know what day it is?"

"It had better still be Wednesday because I have to go tutor tonight," she said bluntly. "Or else the kids will get mad at me."

"It's Wednesday," she agreed. "Do you know who attacked you?"

"Nope. I was walking my dog....shit, where's my dog!"

"Calm down. The officer that called you in said he found your dog and a friend of yours ran over to grab Conor from him." Darcy looked at her. "I have no clue, Miss Lewis. He said an attempted attack."

Darcy grimaced. "Not likely. Not with stab wounds." She looked at the bandages, peeling up one corner to look at. "Someone has pretty stitches." She pushed it back down with a sigh. "Last I knew I was taking my dog out for some playing in the park time. There's no real muggers where I live since it's a mob run neighborhood. I've had to discourage a few of the mob guys in the past who snuck in to leave me a flimsy nightgown." She blinked at the new person coming in. "Stark?"

"I'm going to start designing safety hardware, just for you," he said bluntly.

She shifted to hug him. "Sure. I'd like that. Thank you." She pulled back. "I got mugged?"

"No, you nearly got taken by HYDRA guys and you owe the Russian mob guys some cookies."

She smiled. "I make great rum balls in mass quantities. They helped?"

"Yeah, two of their young ones helped stop the attack and hurt the guys who came after you. One of them had Conor and gave him to one of your tutoring kids who lives near there. He's all right." She sighed but nodded, rubbing her forehead again. "You good?"

"My head hurts but I'm guessing that's normal." She looked at the nurse, who nodded. "Anything I haven't figured out yet?"

"No, you seem to have found all your injuries. Though you're presently wearing a pad because you were having bleed over."

Darcy shook her head. "I shouldn't be bleeding at all for another week." The nurse winced, making that note. "So probably kicked?"

"Could be," she agreed. "I'll let the doctor know. You can't leave for another few hours."

"That's cool," Stark agreed. "She has fussy friends." The nurse nodded, going to tell the doctor that. He looked at her. "You okay?" he asked quietly.

"My head aches," she admitted. "My neck's a bit stiff too, but I think I'll live."

"Good." He stared at her. "We really have to discourage them."

"Yeah, we need to," she agreed. "I have no idea how though. I'm all out of ideas against them."

Stark nodded. "I'm not." She grinned at him. The doctor walked in. "I'm here to pick her up."

"That's fine as long as Miss Lewis doesn't mind." She looked at her. "Are you certain about your cycle, Miss Lewis?"

"Yeah. I'm on the depo shot. I'm due in about eight days and I bleed a bit around it but usually only a few days before, not a week."

"I see." She pushed her back down, looking at her stomach. "Have you had any recent surgeries?"

"A doctor had to fix it where my IUD went into my uterus. Not fully punctured through but that was about four months ago?" she asked, looking at Tony, who nodded. "About four months ago."

The doctor looked at her. "You're that lady."

"Unfortunately and it looks like it may've been them again."

"Why do they want you?"

"Something about genetics and I'm compatible with their wanted father in the best way. I won the lottery," she said dryly. "I like the guy, he's a nice guy, and if it was normal things I'd probably flirt with him. Not for HYDRA but I'll be damned if they're going to knock me up."

"That makes more sense." She pressed again. "We can do an ultrasound but it could be from a kick or it could be that place reopening."

"Could it be from the stabs?" Tony asked with a point at the bandages.

The doctor shook her head. "Both are too high and too shallow." She checked her stomach again, shaking her head. "I don't know why. Let me get you sent up for an ultrasound. Can you stay tonight?"

"No. I need to go tutor my kids tonight."

"Can't someone fill in?" the doctor asked.

"No. Sorry. If it's not life threatening I can wait until tomorrow for the ultrasound results. My doc's Emmerson Whitwacker."

"I've seen him seeing patients. I can send him those results. Let me send you up for the ultrasound and then we'll see if we can release you." She went to make that arrangement then let the orderlies wheel her off. Tony followed her. The doctor wouldn't ask why. She knew who Stark was and this one being jumped by HYDRA probably meant it was a huge problem starting again.

***

Darcy hopped into the tutoring class that night. She sighed as she sat down, putting the crutches beside her seat. She looked at the kids. "The dog's with Kate tonight until I get home." She blinked at them.

"What happened to you?" one of the older women asked.

"Attempted attack in the park. I really need to bake for some mob guys that helped save me." She blinked a few more times then sighed. "Okay, let's get back to work. We're on....English tonight?" They nodded. "That's cool. I can handle that." She used her crutch to pull the white board over then wrote out where they were. Her handwriting slanted thanks to the angle but it happened.

The people there for tutoring just humored her for a bit until she nearly fell asleep. Then she woke up and called it her break for the night and they could take ten and they'd start with math. The guys talked amongst themselves to make sure Darcy made it into her cab home. She was a bit vulnerable right now.

***

Darcy blinked as a tongue suddenly woke her up with slobbery kisses. "Hey, Lucky," she said, petting him. "Thank you for the wake-up, baby." She sat up, holding her head.

"Six more days before the headache's gone," Clint called from the kitchen.

"That's good to know," she called back. "Okay, let me get up and shower." She looked at the dog. "Can I get up to take a human bath?" He lapped her again, making her hug him with a smile. "That's a good bath, yup. Let me just get up then." Lucky got out of the way so she could climb out of bed and trudge to the couch. Clint handed her coffee, earning a smile. "Thanks. When did you get back?"

"When Barnes called to tell me that you wouldn't wake up." He stared at her.

"Apparently they tried to snatch me yesterday from the park. I really have to make the mob boys some cookies." She sipped her coffee with both hands.

He blinked. "Excuse me?" he demanded calmly. She shrugged. "What do you remember?"

"Not a thing. I remember going for a walk with Conor. Speaking of, where is my dog?"

"On Barnes," he said with a point. "He's holding him in place while he growls."

"My dog's growling?"

"Barnes is growling. Your dog is making sure he's not a threat." Clint stared at her. "So what the hell happened?"

"I have no idea. I woke up in the ER and Stark got there a few minutes later."

He pulled out his phone to call Pepper. Stark was with her. "Pepper, Clint. What happened that Stark had to help Darcy with yesterday?" He listened, humming a bit in a few spots. "Okay...." She said something else. "She's got a tazer system on her door and windows, Pepper. You can tell him not to worry about that part. Yeah, him doing security gear would be great. Thanks, Pepper. No, I'm here. I got stopped by the Bro-Code guys to see how she was." He pushed Darcy back down. "You can bake them cookies later for saving you, Darcy." She rolled her eyes but finished her coffee while cuddling Lucky. "Yeah, I'm here. Actually, she lives next door to me, Pepper. Thanks and tell Stark thanks too."

"He dropped me off at my tutoring gig last night," Darcy said. "He was really nice yesterday."

He smiled at her. "Pepper said that's a great thing." He listened. "Thanks, Pepper. Yup, we can do that." He hung up and looked at her ankle. "The x-ray said it's slightly broken. The stab wounds should be okay? And the bleeding is from a hard kick?"

She nodded slightly. "Two small, shallow stab wounds and the doc has really pretty stitching." She heard the growling from Bucky now so she looked at him. "I'm okay." She looked at Clint again, wincing when her head throbbed at that movement. "The bleeding was atypical so they did a fast ultrasound. It didn't come from more than bruising I guess."

He stared at her. "Who?" he demanded a bit too calmly.

She shrugged. "I don't remember. An officer called the ambulance for me and handed the dog to someone."

"Okay," he said, walking over to talk to Bucky, who had told him that Darcy was injured. "Who attacked her?"

"HYDRA minor person that just moved to AIM," he said quietly. "I looked them up through May and Coulson."

"So he turned his breeding program over?" she guessed.

"Apparently he's wanting more than one kid now and he realized he didn't know enough about human reproduction thanks to you getting his licenses and the lawsuit against him for the last time they got us." He got up to come look at her. "You fought back like hell. One of them was wearing armor so the tazer didn't work until you stuck the pen one in his ear." She grinned. "His screaming was what brought the officer to help. The mob guys were rushing over to help you then and Conor went with one of them for a few hours until they handed him to me." She patted him on the hand with a smile. "Other than that, they played pretty dirty and came ready for someone who could fight like Natasha and had guns, not tazers. So they overestimated you."

"You should spar with Katie," Darcy told him. "She's been training for years in multiple martial arts."

He blinked a few times. "She has?" Clint nodded. "Huh." He looked at Darcy again. "We've got to figure this out."

"Can we end both AIM and HYDRA?" she asked.

"I damn sure hope so," Bucky said dryly. "Soon hopefully." Someone pounded on the door and Darcy moaned, holding her head. "Give me a second." He handed over Conor, who curled up with Lucky for now to watch the sick human. He walked slowly over to open the door so they had to wait. "Your mother taught you better manners than that, Steven Grant Rogers," he said dryly. "You don't pound on a door like it's an emergency unless it is."

Steve stared at him. "She got attacked, again!"

"By AIM," he agreed dryly. "The vet doctor turned his breeding program to them."

Steve pushed past him. "Darcy, are you okay?"

"Throbbing headache," she admitted. "Ankle's a bit screwed for a few weeks. I'll be okay."

"Two stab wounds and a bruised uterus from a kick," Clint added in dryly. "Our local Bro guys helped her."

Steve blinked at him. "Seriously?" Clint nodded. "Huh."

"I'm making them rum balls when I can read the recipe," Darcy quipped. "They deserve it."

Clint patted her on the head gently. "It'll be about a week. Trust me, been here before." He went to make more coffee, taking Darcy's cup with him. "Make her drink water before this new cup of coffee." Darcy took the bottle of water and drank it so she could have her second cup of life.

Steve looked at Clint. "Can we do anything to stop them this time?"

"I don't know, Steve. Can we?" he shot back with a grin. Steve scowled. Clint shrugged. "I have no idea how to deal with AIM outside of a ton of explosive arrows."

Kate rushed in and slammed the door. "Darcy!"

"I'm okay. Just got a headache." She waved a hand. "I'm awake and all that."

Kate stared at her. "You nearly got kidnaped again!"

"By AIM," Clint quipped. She handed her a cup of coffee. "Darcy's." Kate handed it over and got her own. "She's going to make the guys that helped her rum balls."

"Aww, that's sweet of her," she said dryly. "Who helped?"

"Some of the mob boys."

Kate nearly dropped her cup of coffee. "Really?" He nodded with a grin. "Seriously?" she demanded.

"From what I've been told," Darcy agreed. "I just need to be able to read the recipe. This concussion stuff sucks. I need to not do this again."

Kate looked at her then at Clint, who was smirking and nodding. Kate huffed then sipped her coffee to calm down. "Okay, so how do we stop this shit? Before it spreads and they want my kids too?"

"I don't think they want yours," Steve said.

She looked at him. "I've spent three years in training and I'm already better than half the people that try to become Avengers," she said bluntly. "I may not be a mutant, but I'm damn sure good."

"You are," Bucky agreed. "We should test you."

"Sure. Come to my gym later," she said with a hand wave. He stared at her, looking slightly smug. "My trainers are meaner than you'll ever be, Barnes. Then again, he's a former commando and scarred horribly." Clint shuddered. "I take it you know him?"

"Yup," he agreed. "Natasha can't beat him in a fair fight." She grinned. "He did you good, Kate. You're excellent at all the stuff you trained in. Not too many people can get third degree blackbelts in multiple forms in three years."

"Thanks, Clint." She gave him a one-armed hug. Then she found stuff to warm up for breakfast. "Cutey's sleeping the sleep of the anesthetized at the vets so she can be fixed. I guess she was too young for the shelter to get."

"I checked, Conor's got no balls," Darcy said. "So they got him."

Clint looked at her then shook his head. "I don't want to know how you check that."

"There's no sack," she said. "It's got a tiny surgical line."

"Ah. Yeah, I knew I didn't want to know." He sipped his own coffee with a sigh. "So, how are we going to defeat this one, Steve?"

Steve glared at him. "Quickly hopefully."

"The vet guy got arrested yesterday," Kate said with a smile. "We spotted him out and about and told the NYPD so they could capture him. Because there's no SHIELD agents that're good in the city right now. They were more than happy to arrest him for kidnaping and other charges." She smirked at him. Darcy waved a hand so she came over to get hugged. "You're welcome."

"Thank you. That was really nice of you guys."

"Not a problem. Just in case he decides I'm hot too, Darce." She went back to warming up breakfast. She looked at Barnes. "By the way, I had a talk with my biology teacher, who has a masters in genetics." He winced. "I asked him why that would've been, using you and Darcy. He told me the reasons why the serum probably latched better onto certain gene patterns. America shares two of the three he thought might be the ones they were targeting."

"Your teammate America?" Clint demanded. She nodded. "You had it tested?"

"Hell yes."

"Do you?" Steve asked.

"All three," she admitted. "I sent the lecture's talk, on tape since I taped it on my phone, and the test results to Banner. Haven't heard back yet. Just in case it's important for someone like his girlfriend Betty."

Steve pulled out his phone to call him. "Bruce, Steve. Did you get something from Kate Bishop about genetic patterns and them picking on Darcy due to three different patterns? Email. She used Bucky and Darcy's kidnaping as the question to her teacher, who has a masters in genetics." He listened to him get into the file. He heard the growl. "Yes, no?" he asked. "Okay. No, America Chavez is Miss America," he said dryly. "Kate's teammate. Yes, her. That's why she was worried. Oh, and they caught the vet guy yesterday.

"Kate's team turned him into the NYPD. Thank you." He listened. "Great. Thanks, Bruce. Please do." He hung up. "Your teacher may be right, Bruce thinks it's probably at least one of those that they're targeting. He'll make sure the SHIELD geeks with them today, as he called them, heard that they arrested that vet." Darcy giggled. "And Bruce was kinda worried about others dealing with the serum."

"My teacher was a grad assistant when Bruce had his accident," she said. "At Culver."

"One of his?" Clint asked.

"No. With the lady that worked in Miss Betty's lab."

Steve sent that text to Bruce, who agreed he had recognized the nasally voice and the guy had been pretty good at it. He had hoped he'd be working on diseases, not teaching at a prep school. "He hoped the guy would be working on stuff," Steve told her.

"He is. He can't get funding so he's got a mundane job," Kate said. "He's gotten a few of the students in to be his TA for work if they were interested in hardcore science stuff."

Steve sent that and Bruce agreed he'd talk to him later about that. Then he sent a second one. "Bruce said to please spank you before they have a third Hulk-type being running around," he told her with a smile.

She smirked back. "If he hasn't done it yet...."

"Point. I guess."

"His main focus is a genetic disease that his sister had. He tells us each year at the beginning of the year so we don't try to use that topic to suck up to him." She sipped her coffee.

"Whatever's burning, Kate," Darcy said. She pulled it out of the oven and put it in front of the others so they could eat. Darcy sniffed and moaned. "Food bad."

"Food will be bad for about three days," Clint assured her, coming out to sit on the other side of the dogs.

Steve sent that to Bruce and got breakfast for himself. It had been a long night.

***

Darcy hopped up to where the majority of the bro mob guys she had seen in the neighborhood were, smiling at them. "These are for the guys who helped me the other day," she said with a grin. "They deserve the good treats."

One of them sniffed then looked at her. "Cookies? Really?"

She pinched him on the cheek. "Women like me don't go 'my hero', and fall into their laps mysteriously undressed for rescues. If I did, there'd be a lot of happier people on certain teams." She grinned. "Make sure they get those first, guys. Please?" They all nodded, giving her strange looks. "Oh, and tell them those guys weren't HYDRA, they were AIM but it was for the same reason so they kept me from being knocked up by someone rude." She strolled off as casually as one could on crutches.

The guy she pinched the cheek of looked at the others. "She's just weird," he said. They all nodded. "You two," he called with a snap. Two of the young wannabes hopped over to them. "Go find Yuri and his brother. The crazy lady with the dog gave them a thank you present." They ran off together. He sniffed again then looked. "Ball cookies."

One grabbed one to taste and moaned. "She used the good rum too."

Those two got there before most of the cookies disappeared. The main guy looked at them. "That lady with the dog said thank you and made you cookies for helping save her from AIM." He handed over the plate of them. "Rum cookies."

"That's sweet of her. She's that sort of girl," the older brother agreed. "She tutors kids for their GED too." They walked off together eating their cookies. It was a good thank you. They could probably flirt with her later, which is why they had been following her in the park before she got attacked from behind. She was sweet that way.

The other guys all shook their heads. Those two were just as weird as that lady and the one-armed guy that hung around on that lady's roof.

***

Darcy hopped into her tutoring session, seeing only two people. "We all out this weekend?" she asked.

"Huge ball game," one of them said with a shrug.

Darcy smiled. "That happens. We're going to do fractions today so there's a whole bunch of food for you guys then." They smiled and settled in to go over what she needed them to. Then she went to get the supply bag she had packed and brought it back up with some help from a late student. He got off work just before this time so she was used to him being late. She cut things up and taught them her special recipe for this fruit cobbler in the electric skillet, and used it to teach them how to measure in fractions plus add in fractions. It helped a lot.

When the librarian came in to see what they were doing, Darcy smiled and let them have some of the cobbler. "Fractions is cooking," the lone female agreed with a nod. "And it's tasty." Darcy grinned.

"That's fine, dear. It's a good way to learn fractions. That's how I learned them, from my own mother." She smiled and patted Darcy on the shoulder. "Did you see in the paper today that there's someone saying that no one pays you to do this?"

"Of course not. The last group that was doing GED prep work got run out thanks to budget issues and threats. I, however, am not scared of such idiots." She smiled. "I don't get paid for this but it's a necessary thing and I do good helping them. And the rest of the time I work with other charity groups." The librarian gaped. Darcy smiled. "I have time I can give. It's always easier to give time than money."

"I hadn't thought about that, and you're right, it can be." She patted her on the shoulder. "It came from some political source within the charity group network."

"Well, they're partially right but then again it's probably the slimeball I had to tase to get him off my rear end."

The librarian shuddered. "I remember seeing that, dear. You be safe and thank you for not bringing the dog." She smiled at the students. "We have no problems with you guys eating in here. Just not in the main library please." Darcy pulled out storage bowls with lids and the librarian smiled at her for that thoughtfulness before leaving them alone.

"I thought we had a group that did all this," the female said.

Darcy shook her head. "There used to be. Their budget got cut and they got threatened by some gang kids. So they transferred to one of the local food banks. I don't see it as a problem of running lessons. I'm not hampered by a budget I have to figure out. I don't hire people."

"The ones that filled in when you were sick?"

"They're friends. Kate's in high school, her senior year. Scott's helped me when I was doing the same thing in Chicago, before they basically blackmailed me into moving back to New York. Clint's a friend and a neighbor who works with Scott." They all smiled at her. "I have time to give and it's important to me I help others with that time. My mother would be ashamed if I used it to binge netflix most of the time." She smiled. "My mom used to work in abuse shelters, some of the first in California. She taught me that I am responsible for making the world a better place by the time I'm a grandmother. Or before I die from partying because she knew I had it in me even though I'm not more than a part-time clubber."

"That makes sense," the guys agreed with a nod. They dished out more food to take home and got back to work on the fraction worksheet. It wasn't that hard. The math problems were worse in the next section.

Darcy smiled at the lone female. "Also, I have never minded if you have to watch the kid during this. It means they learn to like learning from the first they can read. I've had more than a few kids in here."

"I don't have any."

Darcy smiled. "That's a nice thing at your age, SweetiePie. I've had a few kids who were very young teens that had to bring in their kids. And a few dads. Which was kinda happy making to see a dad doing stuff. Even where I live I never see the dads taking the kids out to the park."

She smiled and nodded. "I've seen many of those around me too."

"I've seen a few I was shocked at. Thor was like that until he figured out kids play with his hair and like his hammer to teeth on." They all stared. She shrugged a bit. "I used to work with Jane."

"Where are they now? No one's seen Thor at battles," one of the guys said.

"Asgard. His mom's ghost wanted him home for a few months." They all nodded. "Jane's probably teaching Emma all about stars." They smiled but got back to work. It was a long night without anyone else being there. They got through another two sections before it was time to go.

The older guy who had to come in late looked at her as she packed things into her back seat. "Darcy, how are you driving with a broken ankle?"

"Its not that bad." She smiled at him as she shut the door. She waved off the extra food. "No, we made it for you guys. Have it for lunch tomorrow." They smiled and left them to talk. "It's not even fully broken, Dale. I'm fine to drive." They heard an explosion and looked. "Hopefully that's not where I'm headed but I'm fine to drive." He nodded. "Go be safe." He ran off. She checked before getting into her car and driving toward home, which was in the direction of the explosion as it happened. She had to divert around the area and honked at someone in her way, but they fled. She had to park thanks to an officer signaling her to pull over. "I'm heading out of the area, Officer."

"Ma'am, we don't advise driving during these things," he complained.

"I was uptown when it started, Officer. Really, I'm okay." He stared at her. "Fine." She grabbed her bag and purse, putting them together and then her crutches, climbing out and hopping out of the way.

"Ma'am, we need you out of the way."

She stared at him. "Shut up." He flinched back. "First, they're not over here. They're four blocks that way," she said with a point. "That's why I diverted this way since I live in Bed-Stuy. Second, if that's an NYPD uniform I'd be shocked."

"I'm a transit officer."

"Oh, okay. Sure." She hopped off, using her keys to turn on her alarm. "It's got a shock system on it." She kept hopping and sighed, going to the coffee shop up the street. They smiled as she hopped in. "I got yelled at for daring to divert around the problem and be driving." They laughed. She paid for a coffee and settled in to wait it out. That officer was still glaring at her car by the time it was done with and she was back there. "Thanks for watching it," she said as she hopped past him.

"Ma'am, this area is still closed," he said firmly.

She stared at him. "The incident in question never came more than three blocks from here, Officer. I am going home. If you don't like me going home, then you'd better call a team to come get me. I've had worse try me recently and that's why my ankle's broken." He backed off, calling that in. She got in and started the car then drove off. An officer stopped her a few blocks later. She turned off the car and rolled down the window slightly, staring at him. "What now?"

"Ma'am, you were in that incident area."

"I was three blocks over, I diverted on purpose, and I was driving *out* of the area when I got stopped by some huffy little asshole who was a supposed transit officer. He's the one that made me park, go get coffee, and come back once it was done with. Which is what I did, and now I'm going home."

"Ma'am, you're not shit."

"Sweetheart, you're an idiot." She held up her ID in her proper name. "And probably on the take to that idiot politician wannabe. I just want to go home to put up my broken ankle. Your person made me wait an extra hour."

"Ma'am, get out of the car."

"No." She stared at him. "Because you don't even have a reason to give me a ticket by the law, Officer."

"Are you a lawyer?"

She smiled. "By the way I'm taping this for my lawyer and I've already sent part of it." He glared. She stared at him. "I'm under three different death threats, Officer. I'm not getting out of this car." She pointed. "Considering that's the guy that kidnaped me once."

"I bet," he sneered. "Get out of the car."

"Sure." She got out with her crutches and had to fire on the guy that ran at her with his gun out. "Great of you to help," she said dryly. "Thankfully I wear body cameras as well." He stomped off. She got back in. "Have a great night," she called and drove off, over the guy's leg. She called her lawyer on the way to warn him she might need him to come bail her out of jail. No officer followed her and she knew she had been following city protocol during emergencies. She got home and posted the first part of the night's problems online, tagging in the city's police commissioner.

The responses she got back agreed she had been doing the right thing, including from an NYPD captain. She sent him the rest of it with the tag of 'not sure if they were real officers or not'. He growled back but she pointed out she wasn't going to put up with that problem. He agreed she had been right until she had left the questioning scene without permission. She pointed out he had stomped off to his car and not gotten back out and if they wanted to give her a ticket for that, the local station had her name, address, and phone number from a few incidents of people trying to kill her. He growled but agreed they could do that.

***

Darcy looked at the judge a week later, putting down the money for the ticket. "That's for that, Your Honor, but I wanted to note something. I was doing the correct plan for attacks in the city when an officer stopped me for no reason. Three blocks from the incident and closed off area. Is that not protocol?"

"It is," he agreed. "Can you prove that?"

"I wear body cameras to and from my tutoring lessons, Your Honor. Just in case since I've been taken a few times." She let the bailiff have the DVD. They watched it. She stared at him. "I was doing what I was supposed to do when that first officer stopped me."

"You were," he admitted. "Though mouthy."

"Your Honor, I'm two weeks out of a newly broken ankle. Frankly, that kept me over an hour. I felt like shit and he was breaking protocol and causing civilian problems. Why is that my fault?"

He blinked at her. "You're mouthy, Miss Lewis."

"Yeah." She nodded. "When faced with stupid things I am. When faced with people who are abusing their authority, I definitely am." She smiled. "I have no problem with most of the officers in this city, Your Honor. I've worked with them a number of times over the threats I'm under."

"I see. Death?"

"And kidnaping." She handed the bailiff the file from SHIELD. "That's my federal file on that problem."

He looked it over, grimacing. "I see." He looked at her. "I'd be cautious enough to wear a body camera as well," he admitted. He handed it back through the bailiff. "You still left the questioning."

"Which I'm ready to pay the ticket for," she said, holding it up and the money. "Though the officer just retreated to his car and didn't say anything or try anything to stop me."

He blinked. "No lights? No sirens?"

"No, Your Honor. That's on the other clip on the tape. I edited out the coffeeshop hour." He turned it to that video and watched it, grimacing at it. "I kept it running all the way back to near my neighborhood. I waved at a few cops I know on the way. I see them when I'm walking my dog. One of them handed me the ticket actually." She handed it to the bailiff. "That's the exact amount on the ticket."

He counted it and made a receipt for her. "Here, Your Honor." He handed it over.

He looked and nodded. "That's prompt of you, Miss DeCriths."

"I have no intention of ducking out of the ticket, Your Honor, but I'm not going to be charged with something I didn't do."

"Point." He looked at the wanted ticket and misdemeanor charge. "I believe she's right. She was doing as ordered by the police department for civilians in a danger zone." He looked at the prosecutor. "She did not fight the charge of leaving a questioning, though she could have probably done so and won."

"We have not seen that video, Your Honor," he said.

Darcy looked at him then handed over something. "The courier receipt for when it got to your office, Sir." She looked at the judge again.

"You've been here before?" the judge guessed. She smiled and pulled up something, handing her phone to the bailiff to show him. "Oh, I heard about that lawsuit." He handed the phone back. She put it into her purse after turning it back off. "That makes sense."

"And the price he put on my head has went up twice this year."

"That was in the file, but not who had started it." Darcy nodded at that. "That's fine and a reasonable reason to be paranoid." He looked at the prosecutor. "You did not prove your case. She has her reasons to be paranoid. Though, I noticed you ran over the leg of the person that tried to shoot you," he told her.

She nodded. "I did," she agreed with a smile. "It kept me from having to fight back again on a broken ankle."

He blinked. "Reasonable I suppose. Are they going to come after you again?"

"There's always hope they give up and grow up, but I'm doubting it'll be today." She pointed outside. "I can hear the guards yelling at people to put the weapons down. Mine's out there too." The bailiff went to look. One of the prosecutors lunged at her and she tripped him with a crutch then walked around the table. "Yes?" she asked him dryly. "Problems?" The judge cleared his throat. "I don't want an assault charge, Your Honor. Could you tell him to stop it before I have to get mean? I really hate being mean."

The judge nodded. "She's not to need to get mean," he ordered. "Go back to your side and leave her be."

Darcy waited until he moved to go back to her seat. She stared at the table then waved a hand. "Sir, we need some help. That's not my field of interest." The bailiff came back to look then called that in. She picked up her purse and crutches, getting out of the way. "Not mine."

"She probably has another one in her bag," the prosecutor sneered.

Darcy looked at him. "My purse got checked on the way in because I beeped due to my tablet I forgot I had with me. They would've found something like that." She handed the bag to the bailiff. "Please look if you want."

He emptied it to look through, shaking his head. "Nothing even remotely like the device." He repacked it and handed it to her. "We need you more out of the way, Miss DeCriths." She hopped to the wall, leaning on it by the flag. The judge nodded, coming down to look. Two officers ran in to look at the device.

"We need to take it off," he said.

Darcy looked in her bag. "All I have is a hidden knife," she offered. "If it'll help." The bailiff stared at her. She pulled it to hold up. "You didn't look in the makeup bag. It's tiny and not real useful except for getting doors and windows open to escape." She handed it over.

"I thought that was a makeup brush," he admitted, looking it over. "What was that tube thing, Miss DeCriths?"

She smiled. "My allowed, hidden tazer." She pulled it out to show him and the card that was the miniatured letter. "I'm allowed by FBI people."

He read it and nodded. "That's good." He looked at it then handed it back. "You should not have snuck that in."

"I think I have a good reason to be paranoid. I've been attacked in a courtroom before arguing about the putz I put away for being a horrible human being." She tucked it back in there. The judge glared. "That investment firm a few years back? That was my uncle's firm and his partner that I had to have arrested for embezzling, Your Honor. HYDRA attacked the courtroom."

"She does have a miniature letter of authority to carry a tazer wherever she deems necessary," the bailiff told him.

Darcy let him hand it over. "I handed that to the guards out front when they put up my formal one. That's a tiny one that has about two charges so I can get away."

"I remember hearing about that attack and your tazer," he admitted, handing the letter back. "The original?"

"In a safety deposit box. I have regular sized copies on my apartment wall and with the precinct up the street from me."

"Reasonable," he admitted. "That device?"

"Your Honor, I only know science because I was an unpaid lab intern for a few years. My thing was political science and humanities. I always intended to work with charities." She shrugged. "I've seen others building things but I have no idea how to deal with them or use them."

"Good." He looked at the officers. "Is it safe yet?"

"Yes," one of them said, looking at her. "Lewis," he said with a nod.

She nodded back. "SHIELD guy." He smirked. "I remember you guarded Jane a few times at conferences and were smart enough not to try to tell her anything."

"Where are they?"

"Asgard. His dad called him home to meet his daughter."

"Aww." They put the device into a box and nodded, letting the judge see it. "It's safe, Your Honor."

"Thank you. Miss Lewis, I hope I never have to see you again."

"Me too," she agreed. "I don't want to keep running into problems, Your Honor."

"Good. Go away."

She nodded, hopping out to get her tazer back. They tried to argue but they couldn't argue with a letter of authority. She went out to get into her car, ignoring the parking ticket since it wasn't for her car. She did pause to hand it to the meter maid. "I found this on my car, ma'am, but it's for a different license plate." She looked and sneered at her. "Is that for my car?"

"No," she admitted. "Someone placed it specially."

"Okay, thank you." She drove off.

The meter maid called in that note about the fake ticket and got back to work ticketing lawyer cars. They were always forgetting to put money in the meters.

***

Darcy hopped into her meeting with the idiot and her legal team. She sat down next to her lawyer, smiling at him and handing over the notice of the ticket. "Using fake NYPD things. That's a whole other charge and they're looking into it. Especially since that's the second one. The first one they got the wrong car." She smirked at the idiot who was sneering at her. "What? Your plots failing?"

"I can still destroy you," he sneered.

She snorted and waved a hand. "You can try but it's just wearing you out. I mean, even your orange skin is getting lighter looking." He glared. She smiled a sunny, happy smile. "It's up to you. I mean...you started it." She shrugged and looked at her lawyer, who was trying not to laugh. "Did you get the new thing that happened to my ankle?"

"I did," he agreed, staring at her. "Why?"

"They handed it over. That vet barely managed to get away but a few of Clint's friends found him and presented him to that particular director. He wasn't happy they broke into his house but he was *so* happy that the idiot was given to him as a present." She smiled. "HYDRA lost that battle a tiny bit and sending that program to AIM didn't make it any smarter. Though at least they have people there that have actual human reproduction knowledge instead of being a vet."

"Is he going to jail?"

"Yup. He's already been arraigned in federal court and found out HYDRA wasn't going to save him." She smiled. "I had Agent May email you that result."

He looked at his phone, nodding as he read. "I did get it this morning and it's nasty. They have him on charges that would cover at least six life sentences. Huh. Are they being mean with the charges or just coasting along?"

"No. They're federal people so they're doing it the easy way. They're not even stretching their wings," she said dryly. She smirked at the idiot. "Now, you wanted what today?"

"You have no proof of anything, little girl."

"I'm not a little girl. I'm a full grown woman."

"I can see that," he said with a grimace of distaste.

"It's not my fault you don't like women who don't look like crack hos. Except to grope for no reason and against her wishes." She shrugged but smiled. "I'm happy with myself. If you're not, then quit. I don't want to deal with your ass but you started it. Real women don't back down to threats. We tell them how much they'll like prison."

He glared. "I'll never see a day inside."

"Unlike my father sparing himself suffering I suppose you committing suicide would spare us some amusement. Pity how they'll talk about you in history class. Some day my grandchildren will stand up and go 'my grandma told me about him'."

"You're going to give in to them?" he smirked.

"No but that doesn't mean I won't have kids some day for my own pleasure. That's how most humans are born in case you didn't realize most of us don't buy our spouses."

"I don't," he sneered.

"Sure! She just married you so she didn't have to use the education someone paid a lot of money for. That's why you've had the single trophy kid. That way you can cause competition between your other trophy kids. I've seen others doing it better than you. The kids actually competed for their parents' attention. Then again, it's also clear that you didn't take the ethics classes that're probably mandatory at Wharton. Or art classes since you're so gaudy. After all, *new* money has to show it." She smiled.

"You're not that old of money," he said in a huff.

She laughed. Her attorney shivered. "My people have been rich since the Holy Roman Empire ended. We used to be merchants. Then we moved to banking when they started to become popular."

"You're not adding to it," he said smugly.

"Bullshit. I add at least ten percent to my yearly draw account every year. That's not counting my small income from doing the work I like to do. Some of us learned how to invest early on from our uncle."

"He's dead now."

"Yeah, he is. Which sucks for his son. I only live on a budgeted draw account because I want to keep better track of my spending on things. I could go on a spending spree like the brainless twats on tv, but I don't need to."

"You drive a used car."

"That has very good fuel economy and a great safety rating. Which is why I bought that when it was new. New doesn't mean better and money doesn't mean you have to spend it. I have what I need when I need it and that's all that worries me. The rest is in savings for when I do have to buy something."

"You live in a nothing apartment," he sneered.

"I love where I live with my dog." She shrugged. "I wouldn't want to move somewhere gaudy and Manhattan just to have to prove I have the money. Old money means you don't have to prove it any longer. Nothing in my apartment is covered in gold leaf."

"The people hate you and they love me."

She burst out laughing again. "Sure, the ones you pay. There's plenty that know you never pay. We've even told the ones you sent after me that and they were highly disappointed in you." She stared at him. "See, I don't have to hire people to hurt others for me." He pointed at her lawyer. "No, he's my leash holder so I don't go fully evil. I'd have a lot of fun as a villain. Thank you for reminding me that I used to dream of being the evil villainess." She smirked at him. "How is your stock price? Has it recovered?" He glared before getting up and stomping off. "Since you called this meeting I guess you're done being huffy and trying to pump yourself up. Have fun with that." She waved at his back.

He turned back. "I bet you're voting for that treasonous crook," he sneered.

"As opposed to your own list of thievery?" she asked dryly. "Though, no, I was going to vote for the other guy but he didn't get enough votes. So now I'm the head cheerleader of the 'anyone but you' group. Hell, I'd rather vote Doom in instead of you. Or even HYDRA's current boss." She stared at him. "At least they won't start a war for their own egos." He stomped off again. She looked at her lawyer. "Did his meeting request actually have a point?"

"To try to intimidate you into dropping it."

She laughed, shaking her head. "No. Sorry but no." She stood up once she had her crutches. "You can tell him if he keeps annoying me that way I'm going to up it." She hopped off. "Have fun with him, Brian. He needs to have some fun in his life."

"Sure, Darcy. Thanks." He watched her go, eyes wide. She was a bit scary. He hoped she didn't turn into a villain. Maybe he'd send a quiet email to someone at Stark International since she knew Stark himself.

***

Darcy was kicked back, watching her foot twitch from the stress of the cast, when someone knocked on her door. "Do I know you?" she called.

"It's me," Steve called.

"Then open it yourself so I don't have to get up."

He came in and closed the door behind himself. "Miss Lewis, can we talk?"

She smirked at him. "About my statement that I'd rather vote vonDoom in than that guy or about the promise that he was going to let me become the villainess I always dreamed of being as a teenager?"

"Both," he admitted. "I don't think vonDoom is allowed to become president since he's not a citizen." He was trying very hard not to upset her more and push her into going fully evil.

"Maybe someone like Doc Oc?" she asked.

"Please don't even suggest that. He might like it." She flapped a hand with a grin. He sighed, sitting down looking at her. "You're going too evil, Darcy."

"Well, I don't have much else to do and he keeps pushing his luck. He called a meeting today to try to intimidate me into dropping the lawsuits."

"He seems like the type to not respect a woman's words," he agreed.

"And he makes creepy statements about his daughters like he wants to screw them, Steve. Plus he tried to grope me."

"Point." He stared at her. "Can you be less evil?"

"Maybe. That might depend on how stupid he becomes."

"Darcy, please?"

"Steve, I didn't take up the offer to buy the pinpoint nuke to hit their convention. Give me some credit please?"

"Someone did?" he demanded. She nodded. "Did you tell anyone like Coulson?"

"No. I was sure it was a joke. Nukes would probably be more expensive than they wanted for it."

"Why don't we look at it?" he suggested. She gave him a dirty look. "That way we can make sure it's not some college kid who built one in his basement? Please?"

"Fine." She got into her email, letting him read it. "I didn't answer it back because it was either a joke or a trap by some dirty agent."

He looked at her. "We'll make sure of that for you, Darcy." He transferred it to his own email and hugged her. "Relax, let us do some PR work on him." He left, going back to the tower since Stark was there. "Stark, trace this," he ordered as he walked into the lab. Tony looked up from eating with Pepper to glare at him. "Someone offered Darcy a nuke."

Stark took the phone to look at then got into her email by hacking to find it. He traced it back, shaking his head. "Might be a joke or a dirty agent."

"That's what she thought so she didn't answer back," he said, looking at Pepper. "We got an email from someone at her lawyer's office warning us she was going evil, Pepper."

"Is she bored again?" she asked, stuffing her mouth.

"No, all the stress is making her go meaner," Steve said. "Today that guy called a meeting over the lawsuit to nag her into dropping it."

"Lawsuits," Pepper corrected. "There's four of them going on now. Including one by the charities he promised to give large-ish donations to if they fired Darcy. He apparently never pays anyone." She ate another bite.

"If her lawyer's smart he'll make sure that the guy can't discharge that debt through bankruptcy again," Stark said. "Huh, it's a local high school kid. I need to see if Peter knows him." He called him. "Peter? Tony Stark. One of your classmates offered a friend a nuke." He listened. "Yup, that's what I said," he said at the choking. "I need to know about him before I hand this over." Peter mentioned a name. "No, not him. Yes, that one." Peter excused himself to his aunt and walked off talking to him about that student.

"Okay, so probably has one ready," he decided. "Great. Thanks. No, I'm letting someone official handle it, kiddo. They don't have to know that I did more than check on your physics grade. Which should be excellent this time." He grinned at Pepper. "I'll tell her you said that, Peter. Thanks." He hung up, turning to look at Pepper. "His home ec grade was great this time, his history paper that you helped him with got an actual A and the teacher was annoyed about that, and his physics grade was a B but it that was testing stress since he fell asleep during it." He came back to the table. "I'm pretty sure an agent overheard since they like to bug our systems, Steve."

"He built one in the school?" Steve asked, looking worried.

"No, he built one in his basement for a school project," Stark said dryly. "I did something better than that."

Clint walked in, looking at him. "I got a call to come talk to you about why you were reading Darcy's emails," he said dryly. "Coulson wasn't sure what was going on."

"That wasn't a joke offer. The kid built one." He ate a bite of mac n'cheese with lobster.

Clint went to look at the email then forwarded it to Coulson's email. "There, he can handle it."

"Peter said that the guy built one for a school project." Pepper looked at him. "Darcy thought it was a joke?"

"Yeah," Steve said with a nod.

"Darcy would worry about collateral damage," Clint said. "Even going fully evil."

"She suggested she'd vote for vonDoom before him," Steve told him.

Clint nodded. "Me too but he's not a citizen so probably someone like Doc Oc?" He shrugged and walked off. "Better than Stark running."

"I'd never get lab time," he called after him. "Pepper would do great though."

"No thank you," she said with a smug look. "I don't need that sort of stress, Tony."

"Yes, Pepper." He gave Steve a pointed look, making him leave them alone. He smiled at her. "You'd be excellent."

"Yes I will be but not yet. Maybe in a few years. When I'm old enough to actually run." He nodded and they went back to eating while talking about the business.

***

Darcy hopped out to get the door the next morning. "Stop it," she yelled. "I'm slow on the crutches!" She looked at the dog, who was staring at the door oddly. "Do we know them, Conor?" He barked and got out of the way, staring at the one who had been pounding on it. She opened the door, staring at Coulson. She pushed him back when he tried to walk in. "It's six in the damn morning and I know it's not an apocalypse since I'm not wearing spandex," she said bluntly. "So you'd better have a really good reason for waking me up."

He stared at her. "You didn't tell the kid no."

"Did he blow up people?" she asked dryly. "Because I thought it was a joke." She stared at him. "Beyond that, he offered, I did not respond because I thought it was a joke or a trap by an agent." He stared at her. She stared back. "Go me, I do care about the average person out there. Yay me," she finished sarcastically. He scowled. She stared and shrugged a tiny bit. "Don't really care, Coulson. It's six in the damn morning. The only thing I care about now is the dog."

He sighed. "We really do have to talk about what the boy offered."

"Which I didn't respond to because I thought it was a dirty agent trying to trap me or a joke," she said more firmly. "Go talk to the kid!" She slammed the door in his face. "It's too damn early for this shit. I'm not a teenager and I can't wake up that way." She hopped back to bed. Conor whined. She groaned, looking at him. "Can you go pee on the fire escape?" she begged. "Please?" He barked and wagged his tail. She groaned but went to put on real clothes, enough of it to be decent, and grabbed his leash with her sneakers. She clipped his leash on him and sighed as they hopped carefully down the stairs. "Not under my feet. I'll smash you flat when I step on you, Conor." He moved.

"Thank you." They hopped out together, the dog happy enough that his tail was moving his whole backside as they headed for the park. She saw Coulson in his SUV and waved but kept hopping after her dog. "Slow down," she said impatiently. "Your human isn't that fast, Conor." She dropped the leash and groaned. He stopped and stared up at her. "Bring me the leash please." He barked and walked back to rest against her leg. She managed to get one end and pull up the other one.

"Okay, now let's go more slowly and easily." He barked and walked ahead again but not as far or as fast. He was good at sensing her moods and needs. "Thank you." They made it to the park and he peed on a few trees then tried to start their usual circuit. "Hey!" She stopped him, staring down at him. "I can't hop that far." He pouted. She sighed. "I hate that look." She followed him, wincing as she moved. "Hold it, let me sit," she ordered. The dog let her sit down and rest, letting her rub her leg.

Agent May walked up to her. "You disappointed him."

She glared at the agent. "It's six in the damn morning. I didn't respond to the kid because I thought it was a joke or a trap. So go yell at the kid."

May sighed. "In pain?"

"Fuck yes." She looked at her pouting dog. "Give me a minute more, Conor," she said patiently.

"You should go for runs with him."

"The crutches aren't for show, Melinda," she said dryly as she stood up. "It's because I've got a broken damn ankle. There's no running. There may have to be fighting but not running." She hopped off with the dog again. "Tell him I'm sorry he's disappointed but I did what I thought was right and he can blow me. I can find that strap-on easily enough."

"I'll make it more polite, Darcy." She went back to talk to him. "She didn't talk back to him?"

"Not that we've seen. That doesn't mean that it's wrong they're offering her such things."

"That moron frustrated her and she didn't point out in public she was going to be going evil soon. He just assumed."

"Fine." He started the SUV. "Is she safe?"

"How is she walking her dog with a broken ankle?"

"What broken ankle? I thought she sprained something."

"No, apparently not." May looked at him. "I have no idea why."

He looked it up and sighed. "They turned it over to AIM. Great." He let her see that report then drove them to the park so they could get out and calm Darcy down before she went fully evil. The dog was loose, it came barking at them. "Slow down," he ordered.

"Conor, sit," May ordered. "Let's go find your human." He ran off again, letting them follow her. Darcy had fallen and was trying to get up. She moved to help her. "Did you trip?"

"On the evil fluffy one there." She groaned as she sat down on the nearby bench. "It's too early for this." Conor barked, patting her knee. She stared at him. "You tripped me so you could sniff that poodle. You don't get the bitch, Conor. You're fixed." He barked and whined, patting her knee. She petted him with a sigh. "Today's going to be a bad day, Conor. Let's go back to bed. Okay?" He looked at Coulson. "No, he has his own home. He's not our roommate." She stood up, grabbing her crutches. "Okay, let's go home. Slowly," she ordered. "Out of the way too so I don't step on you." They hiked back together. "Thanks for the assist." She ran into an agent, blinking at him. "Coulson's back that way," she said with a point.

"Miss DeCriths, we think you're a terrorist," he said smugly.

"I think you are," she said. "Especially since I didn't answer that kid back because I thought it was a trap of a dirty agent. And here you are proving it." He glared. She stared back. "Kinda coincidental, don'tcha think? Are you hacking me for no reason?"

"You're not exactly an innocent young woman," he sneered.

She stared at him. "Gee, wow. I'm not naive. No, I haven't been naive since I was a kid. Go me, I actually think about things." She stared at him. "You can talk to me all you want but I didn't talk back to that kid."

"You wanted to bring vonDoom back to the US."

"Yeah, I'd vote for him before I voted for the scum sucking asshole I'm suing," she said bluntly. She shifted on her crutches. "Anything else? It's damn early for this."

"Are you nervous?" he sneered.

"I have a broken ankle and I'm not on anything." She stared at him. "I'm not nice at the best of times and you didn't show your ID so that means I can assume you're a fake agent as well." He tried to hit her so she tripped him with her crutch. "Well, that proved you're a dirty agent or a fake one." She looked back at May, who shrugged. "Is he a real agent?"

"No clue. He didn't show his ID." She held up hers. "Yours?"

"I don't have to." May kicked him back down and frisked him, looking for his ID case. "I'll have your badge."

"Go right ahead, that's my director right there," she said with a point. She came up. "No ID case or badge, Coulson."

"Then he's obviously a fake. Escort Lewis home so you can talk her out of her plans for world domination."

She snorted, shaking her head. "I don't want world domination. That's way too much paperwork and I'd never take Pepper's fun from her," she said dryly. "I'll settle for a sane world and if I have to become evil, so be it. I used to dream about being one as a teenage girl."

"We'll get you a painkiller," May ordered. She took the leash. "Come on, dog."

"Conor, home time," Darcy ordered. They walked back together, him pulling on the leash. "Conor," she snapped. "No pulling!" He slowed down. "Thank you! You can play with Lucky later." Conor barked and got free of May's loose hand to run over to Clint and Lucky to bark at him.

Clint looked down. "Sit." Conor sat with a yap, staring up at him. He petted him. "Morning, dog. Why are you out?" He looked over. "Darcy, I'd have picked him up."

"I'm fine. I got woken up by Coulson pounding on my door like it was an emergency."

"He had been knocking for a few minutes," May said patiently.

Darcy looked at her. "I don't get up this early unless it's an emergency," she said bluntly. "He's damn lucky I didn't set off the tazer on the door." May rolled her eyes. "Seriously."

"She did it to Kate the other morning at eight," Clint agreed. "Darcy has never been a morning person." He took the leash. "I've got him."

"We just walked and he tripped me," Darcy said, taking it back. "It's fine, Clint. He just ran over to get your pets."

"That's fine." He took the leash back and walked off with both dogs. "C'mon. We'll go jog. You guys can sniff butts and help me pick up people to flirt with like you do girly girl."

"Lucky's really good at picking up dames," Darcy quipped. "He picked up two or three for me to flirt with too." She hopped toward her stairs.

"Isn't there an elevator?" May asked.

"No."

"How are you getting out?"

"The usual way, Melinda," she said dryly, looking at her. "The same as every other resident does. I just have to go more slowly."

"Why did you pick here?"

"It's a good place, a good price, and I got to put in a kitchen. It's kind of a dream place for me right now." She shrugged, moving slowly up the stairs.

Melinda looked at her. "Do you come out often?"

"As often as I need to," she agreed. "I'm still making it to tutoring. I did the night I got the broken ankle and the concussion. They all worried about me too." She kept going up until she got to her apartment, finding the door open. "Great," she sighed, grabbing her tazer. Melinda moved her out of the way and moved in to check, finding Kate in there. Darcy hopped after her. "Just you, Katie?"

"Yeah. I saw Clint with the dogs."

"He stole Conor for a walk. It's sweet of him." She flopped down with a sigh, flopping onto her side. She snuggled in and fell back asleep. It was three hours before she should be getting up. She'd ignore her ankle hanging off the couch until it hurt her later. Kate came over to lift it up for her, getting a grunt back in thanks.

Kate looked then at Melinda. "You shouldn't wake her up before nine without a really good reason."

"I'm finding that out. How does she handle the stairs?"

"She's stubborn. Just like the older lady with the cane downstairs."

"I don't think I'm that stubborn," Melinda said. She went to open it when she heard Coulson, letting him in. She nodded at Darcy then at the kitchen, getting a nod back. They went to sip coffee. "She's right, she didn't write the little cretin back."

"It's possible he's searching for her approval," Kate said. "Like that guy that shot Regan? He did the same thing with that actress," she said when they looked at her.

"It's a good idea," Melinda agreed. "Are you thinking about becoming a SHIELD agent, Bishop?"

She shrugged. "Not at the moment. Right now I'm worrying about graduating and college."

"Which is a good thing," Coulson agreed. They all heard Darcy groan. "We can wait until you wake up again."

Darcy glared at him. Then put her head back down and fell back asleep. Kate came out to grab the glasses off her and handed her a soft throw blanket. That was nicer. Darcy curled up and got comfortable. At least until Cutey rushed in to hide against her stomach under the blanket. Kate rolled her eyes. "My dog's cute. She fits her name. And sometimes she glares like Natasha."

"She does?" Coulson asked.

"Hey, Cutey, he wants to see you glare," Kate called, sipping her coffee. "Or else no donut later." Cutey glared at them from under the blanket's edge.

Coulson stared. "She does glare like Natasha does. Interesting." Clint came in with the dogs, both exhausted. They went to curl up around Darcy. He handed Clint a cup of coffee. He knew how to motivate Clint after many years of working with him. "Has Natasha met any of the dogs?"

"She's met Lucky and Cutey during a team training event." He grinned. "She thinks Cutey's so weird for being part Russian Terrier." He sipped his coffee, looking at the sleeping puppy stepmom. Then at Coulson. "How early did you try to get her up?"

"Six-thirty."

"Ah. Yeah. She doesn't do early mornings. She glared at Jane more than once about getting hit by Science before coffee time." He sipped his coffee on his way to the living room. He flopped down in a chair. Lucky looked at him. "Just coffee, Lucky. You can steal breakfast later." He put his head down and went back to snoring into Darcy's hair. Conor was sitting on her side and sleeping. Cutey was still snuggled against Darcy's stomach under the covers.

Clint looked at Kate, who took pictures. He carefully moved the blanket and petted Cutey, who was glaring at him. Kate got that picture and one without his hand too. Then he let the blanket fall again. Conor glared at him too but went back to sleep. Clint grinned. The dogs were cute. And fun because Lucky got up to go fur Coulson's suit pants and hopped up to steal Kate's breakfast until she gave him half. "That's not pizza, Lucky," Clint called. Lucky came out to lick him then went back to snoring into Darcy's hair.

Coulson shook his head. "It figured his dog is much like him."

"Clint rescued Lucky from the Russian mob guys that run around here," Kate said with a grin. "And saved him when he got hit by a car."

"He's my buddy," Clint agreed. Lucky shifted to lay on his back, a line of drool falling out of his muzzle into Darcy's hair. He grinned, taking a picture of that on his phone to send to Stark. Who sent back a groan. "Oh, hey, Animal Guy is back, Kate."

"Fuck," she muttered into her coffee. "What did he bring this time?"

"Jaguars. In Times Square." He grinned at her.

She sighed, shaking her head as she pulled out her phone to text the other Young Avengers members. "Ha! America's that way. She snuck out of school." She got more coffee to sip.

Coulson looked at her then shook his head with a sigh. "How often has that person shown up?"

"Seven times in the last three years," she said dryly. "NYPD keeps letting him go and the FBI apparently doesn't want him." She grinned at him. "Have your agents carry a tranq dart and call the zoo. That's what we do when we find him."

He sent out that alert. Three agents reported they were already on site and had already done that, though they hadn't called the zoo, they had called an exotic specialities vet. He put his phone up after telling them it was a good plan. "They called a vet who does exotic animals."

"There is that lady uptown that walks her white tiger all the time," Clint said.

"And ferret lady, her friend," Kate agreed. "They sometimes walk them together. The ferrets who don't want to walk hop up onto the tiger's back to ride. She even managed to color coordinate since she only got brown ferrets. Her buddy wears a white tiger patterned fur coat when she walks her."

"Great, they match," Melinda said sarcastically. "How wonderful for her."

Coulson looked at her. "I'm sure there's many of those in Manhattan and LA."

Clint nodded. "And a few villains too. Though don't mention it in front of Steve. One of those sort hit on him badly and he got so frustrated that she wouldn't catch a clue." He got up to get more coffee, making Conor look up at him. "Just coffee time, Conor. Go back to your nap. We'll watch." He put his head back down and watched them but didn't move off his human. He grinned at Coulson. "Conor's part herding dog."

"I can see with how large he is," he agreed. "Sheppard?"

"Estrela mountain dog," Kate said with a grin. "Partially."

"Big dog," he agreed. "But probably protective." Clint and Kate both nodded. Then Conor got up to go bark at the fire escape window. Clint sighed but went to check and shoo off whatever it was.

"Not a pigeon," Darcy muttered. "That's a bad guy he doesn't know."

"I got it," Clint assured her, opening the window to look at the guy climbing down the fire escape. "You'd better have a huge reason for being on the fire escape at seven-twenty in the morning."

"I'm with the FBI, sir. I can be anywhere I want."

"I'm formerly SHIELD," he said bluntly. "No you can't. That's not in your rules. You can ask the current Director of SHIELD if you want. He's inside." The agent flinched back, looking alarmed. "Coulson, it's for you." He got out of the way. Coulson climbed out to talk to him and his fellow agents who weren't agents either. He called in the local FBI chief to talk to him about his supposed people and their problems with not carrying a badge. It turns out a few were actual agents but weren't carrying them supposedly so they weren't in as much danger. Coulson told him how that wasn't going to work. And why they were going to leave Darcy alone because it wasn't her fault. She hadn't given that kid any encouragement at all. And he wasn't so sure it wasn't a trap by some agents who liked the idiot political slimebag.

He'd debrief Darcy about that guy later, when she woke up. She'd be less cranky then. Though her dog would probably still try to protect her from him.

***

Darcy dialed her phone while watching the tv. "Melinda, you might want to be watching CNN if you're not on the way to the convention center." She hung up, eating some popcorn. The local PD was getting civilians out of the way. The Secret Service probably had the douchebags in charge out of the way before the civilians started to get moved in the other direction. So why was a villain attacking that convention?

"Well, he probably hates their hate speech too," she told her dog, feeding him a bite of popcorn. He relaxed against her leg, letting her pet him. Her alarm went off and she groaned but got up to get dressed so she could go tutor. Conor stared at her. "Going to the library and you know the library ladies said no puppy help." She kissed him on the head and petted him then left. He followed as she found out. She sighed, staring at him. "Fine, I'll sneak you in." She drove them there, getting out and smiling at the smoking librarian. "I'm being sneaky because I couldn't get him to stay inside."

She stared at the dog, who was sniffing around and peeing before going back to his human's side. "We've had three purse dogs in here today. He's not that tiny."

"No. He's a good boy. He's a herding guarding dog."

"I can see that." She pointed. "I'm the only one here today, Miss Lewis. Grab the key."

"None of them are here yet?"

"Not yet. They're probably watching the tv."

"Just think, I was ignoring the teenager that offered me a bomb," Darcy said dryly. "He wanted some attention."

The librarian looked at her. "Wow."

"Yeah." She nodded. "Let's go inside, Conor." She limped in with him, grabbing the key and signing the sheet so she could go upstairs. After an hour of no students she sent out a notice on her twitter account. A few of her other students answered and she cheered on one that finished that one part she hadn't gotten. She sighed and waited another half-hour but no one was showing up so she gave up for the night. She and the dog went to take an extra walk before going home. She put out a notice she'd be back to tutor again on Thursday, like usual, and that a testing session was in three weeks if anyone wanted a bit of last minute prep help. By then maybe she could ignore her ankle.

Of course, she had muggers tonight. Conor barked and drove them off. Another one tried to stab her and she zapped them. They screamed but went down. She stared at the guy. "Evening," she said, walking her dog off. They went home and found Kate in there with a few of her friends. She waved with a smile. "Hey, guys."

"No tutoring tonight?" Kate asked. "We're borrowing your microwave for a planning session for a future training time."

"That's fine. Pull some of the stuff out of the freezer, Katie." She hugged her one-armed. "No one showed up. Did you see the mess?" She went to change.

"What mess?" Kate called after her.

"Turn on CNN."

Kate did that and they all stared. "Wow, and they're blaming the Avengers for protecting the people from harm. Oh so charming," she sneered.

"I've already sent out a tweet thanking the team for taking on the bad guy and the decent agents and officers for evacuating the people," Darcy called from her bedroom.

Kate nodded, doing the same thing. She sent a private text to Clint's phone, who sent one back that they were tired but the guy was still surrounded by a forcefield. She showed the others. Who nodded and used Darcy's bathroom to gear up and then head down there with the agents coming to pick them up. A quin jet landed on Clint's roof so they hiked over there to get a ride. Kate had brought snacks and packed a lunch for everyone else too since she had been making food anyway.

Darcy settled in to watch the news with her dog. It was nasty but they could handle it. She hoped. Cleveland didn't deserve that stress on top of the stuff they already had.

***

Stark landed and looked at the kids coming out. "Did you guys take a field trip?" he asked dryly.

Kate handed over the cooler. "We brought dinner and help." She smirked at him. "Don't start with us, Stark. You're all tired from how long this one's lasted. We can sub." They looked at the mess. "Mer, go left. Billy, right. I'll hit the shield until it notices us instead. That'll give whoever's down there a chance to put on some sort of disruptor signal device, which I'm assuming they have." The team moved out with Clint and others helping them. Agents did have the disruptor finally so it'd go okay. They finally got the forcefield down and handled the big guy inside with the other team. His hostages got a bit banged up but they lived. One of them was threatening to sue them all for letting him get hurt until America punched him in the jaw.

"Shut up," she sneered. "At least *we* protect people." She walked over his sniveling body and went to help the others. "Natasha, we brought dinner with us."

"Thank you, America," she agreed calmly. "Though you're not supposed to hit the victims."

"He was more whiny than some kids are." She shrugged. "He needed it more than some kids I see in the mall." She shot at one of the bad guys showing up. "Kate, HYDRA!" She turned and fired a net arrow at them. Clint got them with a few other arrows, one explosive and one an electrified net. They could handle that too.

Steve stomped over. "Civilians should have been evacuated by now," he ordered with a point at the whiny guy. "He's in the way and about to get more injured probably. We'd hate that because we hate to have to answer court cases." He leapt on top of one of the bad guys and rode him to the ground then punched another one and threw his shield at one trying to get away. "I don't think so." America helped him and they were good together.

She smiled. "I need to do more thrown weapon training," she quipped to him.

"Could help but I can teach you how to throw the shield, America." He grinned at her. "You're pretty neat." They got the rest down and out, letting agents arrest them. He stood up and helped her up, grinning at her. "You brought dinner?"

"We were on Darcy's couch making plans for a training session this weekend and borrowing her microwave since none of us can cook."

"Cool." He walked back behind the others. "Bishop, why are you limping?"

"Leg cramp," she called back. "I need to take my vitamins again probably."

"All right. As long as it's not an injury I'll have to sic Bruce on."

"Nope. I know how to go to an ER for those, Captain." She shot a grin back at him and nearly stumbled into Natasha. "Sorry." She walked around her. "Think Darcy would mind pet sitting this weekend?" she asked Clint.

"She never does."

"She got back early tonight. Her twitter feed said that no one showed up," she said quietly.

"That sucks," he agreed. "We'll figure it out." He clapped her on the back. "What sort of dinner did you bring us?"

"I raided the freezer at her command." They got onto the quinn jet together and settled in to eat on the way back to New York. Behind them the press was going nuts, the other agencies were going nuts, and the SHIELD agents were putting up with the nuts to get things done. The Secret Service had stepped in to help them so it was at least getting done quickly. Kate and her team plus Stark were already on social media to make it look less of a problem. Kate looked at her teammate. "That whiny ass is complaining he's going to sue you for punching him for making the hostage situation worse." America rolled her eyes and stuffed her mouth so she couldn't say anything.

Clint laughed. "Yeah, he's the slimebag's son, Katie Kate."

"Oh! No wonder! He gets it naturally!" she said sarcastically. "I wonder if anyone told his d-bag of a father that someone was willing to kill the whole city to make sure he was dead."

"Probably not," Stark admitted. He looked at her then at Clint. "Darce?"

"Yeah. The one she had to zap and is now suing's son," Clint said dryly. "I recognized him from the pictures on the news."

"Great," Stark said dryly. "If I ever have kids, make sure they don't turn that way?"

"If you have kids, we'll make sure Pepper has help," Natasha told him.

Bruce nodded. "Definitely." He looked at the kids then stared at America. "Are you okay?"

"I'm good, Dr. Banner. Thank you for asking." She smiled. "My hands aren't even bruised."

"Good. You guys all know how to go to the ER, unlike my teammates?" he asked.

"Yup, we go to flirt with the cute docs," Kate agreed, smiling at him.

"Speaking for yourself," one of her male teammates said. "I don't flirt with the docs. They work way too many hours to be nice girlfriends."

Stark looked at him, then shook his head. "You need someone understanding."

"Yes I do."

"At least you didn't have to tell a parent," Kate quipped with a grin for him. "My dad drank for three damn days."

"He probably would've yelled for those three days if you hadn't had to shoot those thugs," Clint told her.

"Probably," she agreed with a nod. "Thankfully I could hover on Darcy's couch."

Natasha looked at her. "You hid from your father?"

"Yup, because I'm a smart daughter. It gave him time to think without having to stare at me like I'm weird." She stared at her. "Then he called in Clint to ask him how to make me stop." Clint nodded with a grin. "Which got me the name of a gym to train in."

"Grounded for two weeks too," America reminded her.

"Yeah but he didn't fuss too much when I had to break it a day early to help with a problem." She ate some of her sandwich.

Natasha shook her head slightly. "Did he like your dog?"

"No." She smiled. "He tried to give Cutey to Clint."

"I told him I didn't need a roomie," Clint quipped.

"He was napping with the dog the day before he got killed, Natasha. American teenage girls do things like adopt a dog without warning. It's a whole lot more minor than a kegger that gets out of hand. The customary talk after the first hangover is a doozy."

Steve smirked at her. "My mother would've strapped me for that if I was underage."

She grinned. "Now you can't do that." Clint nudged her. "My father was waiting beside my bed with a trash can and a sprite. We had a three hour talk about drinking and why I was drinking. He thought it was my stepmother's fault."

"Did you know her before they married?" Bruce asked.

"Yeah, I went to school with her. She's three years older than I am." Bruce shuddered. "Which is why I got drunk, yeah. It's really creepy when you had gym class with your stepmom."

"Yes it probably would be," Stark agreed. "At least Darcy's stepmom was older."

"Did you hear she's getting out twenty years early?" Kate asked him. Stark stared at her, shaking his head slowly. She nodded. "They decided that prison was overcrowded and she probably couldn't do it again. Even with the death threat she's been trying to act on. She's already disappeared from the halfway house they had her stashed in out in Cali."

"Got her with an arrow in the park the other morning during our run," Clint told her. "I guessed she was laying in wait for Darcy. The officer I called agreed and told her to quit whining, she had worse in prison."

"Did you tell her yet? She's been worried," Kate told him.

"I hadn't. I will the next time I see her." Kate grinned and nodded. "She good?"

"Bummed that no one showed up for tutoring tonight."

"That would be a bummer," he agreed. "We can cheer her up later." They got back to eating on the way home. The other avengers were staring at them oddly but oh well. Archers were great, of course they stared at greatness.

***
Part 11 by voracity
Darcy walked into the courtroom and sat down, staring at the defense attorney for her idiot whore of a stepmother. She looked at the prosecutor, who was glaring at her. She held up a file with a smirk. He snatched it to look at and stared at her for a moment. She just grinned. He hauled her out to the hallway. "That's on all the threats that have been stopped from her while she was in jail."

"Why didn't they stop her?"

"No clue. Why did they let her out twenty years too early?" she asked dryly. "All I know is I didn't find out she was out until after she had disappeared from the halfway house out there."

"Hell." He read it over, grimacing. "This is sad."

"Very sad." She stared at him. "You have fun with that and if you need me, I can testify."

"How did she get captured?"

"I'm told a friend jogging in the park with his dog found her."

"Can we get him?"

"If you ask Pepper Potts she can probably get Clint."

"Oh, dear."

She smiled. "He was jogging with his dog. He's a buddy and a neighbor."

He tipped his head down but nodded. "All right. Have you been arrested since the last time I tried to foil your evil plans?"

"I got a traffic ticket," she said dryly. She smiled. "You know, they all complained because I didn't answer the kid who offered me a bomb." He stared at her. She stared back. "Do you really want to be associated with that dweeb?"

"The other's a crook," he said dryly.

She nodded. "That's kinda the definition of a politician isn't it?" She stared at him. "The one you like so much is worse."

"He's never killed anyone."

"Except he and his people have put out a contract on my life and I'm not the first because he's not clumsy and he knows what he's doing." She smirked a tiny bit. "The agents who looked over his plot said he's not doing it cold."

"Oh."

She nodded. "Though it was pointed out on the same site he put the call out on that he has never paid anyone he hired."

"I don't want to get into this."

"Sure, up to you. Just let me know if I need to testify."

"Stay here today."

"I can do that." They walked back in together, her going back to a seat in the audience area. The prosecutor handed the file over to his assistant, who grimaced as she read it.

The judge looked at him. "Are you done?" he asked dryly.

"Yes, Your Honor. I just got a report on her problems in prison."

"From them?"

"From the person she was hiring people she served with to kill," he said bluntly.

The judge blinked a few times. "Excuse me? I was told she had served a long term for a DUI habit."

"And a murder, Your Honor," the assistant DA said, standing up. She handed over three forms from the file and another one. "That's on the murder, which was a later charge and why she put out the death threat."

The judge accepted the papers to look over, grimacing. "I see she was put away for murder and DUI. Not related?" He looked up.

"No, the DUI was to get her out of the family; they found the poisoning later," the assistant DA said. "According to statements by the victim's family in the press."

The judge looked at Darcy, who smiled a bit. He recognized her. She was a topic of conversation in certain circles. "Your stepmother, Miss Lewis?"

"Yes, Your Honor," she said with a nod. "And I'm going to watch her hopefully be taken back to jail today. I think it's a travesty that she got out twenty years early."

"That is not in the file either," he said, looking at it. The prosecutor handed over the official record. "Oh, there it is. I did not get her full file from the California Penal System apparently." He glared at the defense attorney.

"Your Honor, she did not murder that person. He died by his own hand, per victim's family's statements," the defense attorney said.

"In that state administering a poison to kill one that diminishes their life can be counted as homicide," Darcy said quietly, pulling up the pertinent codes. She had looked them up before during her stepmother's trial to make sure it was appropriately harsh. She let the bailiff have her phone. "Which is what they got her under."

He looked at it then showed the judge, who nodded. "We have something similar. How did her victim die?"

"After five years of mental deterioration he decided he couldn't take fading the rest of the way," Darcy said calmly. She accepted her phone back. "Her trial was finished about a year before he died, Your Honor."

"Which means they presumed the homicide by diminishing his life," the judge decided. "That's a worrisome trend but I can see why the prosecutor out there pushed it." He looked at her then at Darcy. "Are you going to attack her?"

"No but if she comes at me it won't end well for her. Considering she was caught lying in lurk in the park not even six buildings from my apartment building by a friend of mine? I have to assume."

"You do," he agreed. He looked over the charge sheet. "We're not here about the homicide though. We're here because she jumped parole." He looked at the prosecutor. "Are they wanting to take her back in?"

"Yes, Your Honor. We've got someone from the California system here waiting to speak," the head DA said with a point at him.

"Sir," he said, waving for him to stand up. "Is she going back to her sentence?"

"Yes, Your Honor. We're not sure why she got out in the first place but she's proven she's not rehabilitated." He looked at Darcy then at the judge again. "I believe it might be safer for others as well."

"Miss Lewis, were you informed of her release?"

"After she skipped the halfway house," she said bluntly, glaring at the other guy, who flinched away from her. She stared at the judge again. "I was not kept informed as they're supposed to by law. I did finally get a letter yesterday dated next week that they were going to put her on parole." She dug it out of her purse and handed it over to the DA. "Oh, hold on. No, that's the latest death threat," she said, finding the other one. She handed it over with a smile. "Not related to hers."

"How many threats are you under?" the judge demanded.

"Two and a half. Hers is the half. One's a kidnaping threat. The other's ...someone who thinks he's important." She tucked that back into her purse.

"May I?" the bailiff said. She let him see it. He read it and blinked. "That's nasty." He handed it to the judge.

He read it and grimaced. "Who is this person?" He looked at her.

She stared at him. "I'm on my way to hand that to an agent, Your Honor, because I'm not totally sure yet. I can only assume." The bailiff went to look that name up and showed the judge.

He blinked then grimaced. "Well. I can see why you called him that. Hand it back so she can hand it on." He did that. Darcy tucked it back into her bag. "At least they're not working together."

"Even that slimebag has more taste than my former stepmother, Your Honor," Darcy said dryly. The woman shrieked and tried to get to Darcy but the bailiff hauled her back over the dividing half-wall and slammed her into her seat. Darcy just pushed her glasses back up her nose and looked unconcerned.

"I can see she's still not rehabilitated," the judge announced. "I want the plan for moving her from the state to California." The officer from out there handed it over. He nodded as he read it. "That's fine. Do we need to send in an order to keep her separated?" He looked at that side of the courtroom.

"No, Your Honor, we can arrange with that without an order," the DA said smugly. "She's proven she's a violent offender."

"Yes she has," he agreed. He signed the order. "She is going back. Do have a good trip back west, people." He handed the order over and looked at her. "Too bad you didn't learn anything in there the first time," he told her. "Maybe you could have stayed outside." She started to struggle but the officers with her held her still. "Dismissed." He banged his gavel. "Miss Lewis, can we call an agent about that?"

She smiled and shook her head. "No thank you, Your Honor. I know who to go talk to about this nice letter of theirs." She got up and walked out. A few people followed her so she glanced back. Reporters. Great. "Taking pictures of my butt isn't my best side," she quipped. She went out to get into her car. Today she was using a driver and car from a security conscious company. She went to the FBI office, smiling at her lawyer she had texted on the way over. "She's going back to Cali."

"Just like the song," he quipped. "How bad? You just said there's a new threat we have to talk to an agent about." She handed over that letter, watching him go pale. "Oh, dear." She nodded, grimacing. "Yes, let's go deliver this so someone can stop them." He went to sign them in with the needed agent's pod number so they could find him faster. The agent himself came down, shaking Brian then Darcy's hand. "She got this," he said, handing it over.

"Even the judge this morning got grossed out," Darcy said dryly. "I almost handed that over instead of the last things about my stepmother."

The agent blinked. "She's out?"

"She's going back. She skipped parole."

"Well," he sighed. He looked at the letter again, grimacing. "Any idea who this one is?"

"He's a higher level flunky," Brian said, pulling up that man's name via google.

The agent looked and grimaced. "Interesting."

"Interesting is that's the last name of the kid that offered me that bomb," she said quietly. "Which is all I recognized beyond the horrible grammar issues he has."

The agent blinked at her. "Did we know about this?"

"Someone here did since they tried to pounce me a few times because I didn't answer the kid back. SHIELD finally took it over."

"Huh." He led them back to his desk to look that up. What he saw disgusted him. "Some agent is an actual moron," he decided. He took that to his supervisor, who called that one's supervisor, who was now fired. Someone had apparently told the FBI's director about the stupid. The agent came back. "Thankfully they won't be able to try it again." He sat down, looking at the email that started that. "I can see why you didn't answer."

"I thought it was a joke or a trap," she admitted. "Then a friend heard and told others."

"Interesting." He looked up the link between those two. "That's his nephew. Very interesting." He smiled at her. "Thank you, Miss Lewis."

"I have a copy of that at home just in case and I've already sent it to Brian in case it relates to the slimebucket I'm suing."

"Very tangentially," the agent admitted. "He's a member of the whole thing's party. You can leave this with us, Miss Lewis."

"Thank you." She shook his hand. "I hope you have fun with them. I'm trying really hard not to turn evil about that guy."

He smirked a tiny bit. "I'd hate to see that, Miss Lewis. Let us help. We're like that." She smiled and left with her lawyer. Who paused to shiver where Darcy couldn't see him. The agent did the same thing. He took that to his boss, who agreed he was opening a case. They ended up talking to the Secret Service as well but they hated that guy anyway. He had complained about the convention being evacuated due to that one villain. It had ruined their planned speech orders and other important things that no one cared about.

***

Clint was sitting on his building's front steps with his dog, enjoying some sunshine, when he heard 'oh my fucking god' in a familiar voice. He looked up with a sigh then at his dog. "Of course she'll have problems. It's a pretty day," he told Lucky, who barked at him and patted his hand to get petted. No more noise so it probably wasn't something huge or threatening. He looked up at a grunt, staring at Bucky as he made it onto the ground again. "She hurt?" It had been a quiet few weeks.

"Throwing a fit. Something on the internet." He sat down, looking at Lucky. "Conor could use you anyway. He's not playful and it's annoying."

"Vets," Clint ordered.

"She's got him an appointment tomorrow." He petted the golden retriever mix, getting patted back because Lucky was nice that way. They waited until Darcy stormed down the stairs. "Taking Conor to the vet's early?" Bucky guessed.

Darcy tossed her phone at Clint. "They put me in the fanfiction."

He blinked a few times. "What?"

"You know those stories online about alternate things?" He nodded slowly. "I'm in a few now. One of them I'm munching a lot on Natasha." Bucky choked as he shook his head with a moan. Clint was staring, mouth slightly open. "And in the other two I'm underneath you and sometimes Stark." She stared at him. "At the same time."

"I'd never fuck Stark," Clint said dryly. He swallowed some drool, staring at his buddy. "Is Conor all right?"

"He got into the fridge last night and ate a pie." She looked at Bucky then at Clint. "Can you tell Natasha so I can hide?"

"I don't think she's seen those," Clint said. "Bruce has. I think Scott went looking too." She winced. He pulled out his phone to text Bruce about that subject. "She's cranky today too," he quipped. "So this will either make her laugh or make her scream and rant in the gym."

"I sent Pepper roses for being caught in that sort of thing before I did." She sat down with a sigh. "They didn't even get my anatomy right."

Bucky patted her on the back. "Why would that do more than annoy you?"

"They got me wrong. One of them thought I was a blonde." Clint shook his head with a sigh. "The other two thought I was built like Jane and tiny titted. I'm not a mouthful." Clint nodded he remembered. She elbowed him. "Let me go check on my poor puppy that ate a whole rhubarb and blackberry pie." She went back up there, finding her dog throwing up. "Fine, we're going to the vet today." She cleaned up his mess and got his leash, carrying him down to her car. "We're going to the vets," she called with a wave.

Clint waved back. "Have fun." He looked up those stories, shaking his head. "Yeah, they thought she was Jane. Wow, Thor would be pissed off." He went back to petting his poor dog.

Bucky was giving him funny looks. "Am I in there?"

"Yeah, you've got a huge Avengers fan following. There's a lot of you and Steve, you and Stark because he's got arm love for you so you feed him cock in exchange for tune ups. There's a few that have you and Thor. He can apparently wrestle you into submission. Then there's one with you and Natasha. Or a few of you two together. Apparently murder is fun foreplay." He glanced at him and grinned. "I've got a few of those too." He looked. "Oh, there's two of you and Kate Bishop. And one where she brought in her teammate 'Mer."

Bucky shuddered. "Eww."

"Basically. Which was why Darcy went on the 'eww' fit." He sent Pepper a text message to explain the roses, getting a smile emoji back.

***

Uptown, Stark looked at the roses that had been delivered. "Well, that explains who sent Pepper roses," he decided, looking at the card. He blinked a few times then looked up that interesting new pairings. "Huh. Yeah, she probably got squicked. I would've." He spotted a few new ones and grinned. "I doubt he'd take in anyone that untrained." He sent Pepper a message through his AI FRIDAY since she was in a meeting he had avoided.

***

Upstate, Bruce Banner decided it was a fun time to tell Natasha she was a lesbian according to some people. He was having an irritated day in the lab. Natasha had been stomping around for a few hours about something. So he took his phone out to the kitchen where she was making herself a sandwich with toast she was buttering. He put the phone next to her plate as he pulled down a teapot and the water filter pitcher. He heard her pick it up and smiled to himself. She dropped the phone and grabbed her ham and cheese, walking off muttering in Russian about stupid humans who wanted to be taken out. He looked back at her. "You know, they write a lot about you and others too. There's a really cute one with you and Steve."

She glared at him. "Don't. Just don't."

He smirked a tiny bit. "There's a few of us too. Including one of you and the Hulk. Apparently you sing to him to calm him down sometimes."

She stared, eating a bite of her sandwich. "I do not sing," she noted once she had swallowed.

"According to the one that found that one, they thought Darcy was built like Jane anyway so they probably got her mixed up. So apparently you're the cure to stuck science. And I found a few of those too, Natasha." She walked off shaking her head but did stop to grab a bottle from the bar on the way back to her apartment. Where she could have a hissy fit in private. Bruce grinned. She wasn't pouty anymore at least and he hadn't been hurt. It had helped! "I'm nearly as good as Darcy was at getting the pouty moods out," he decided, taking his tea back to his lab. He really had to find the flaws in his math equation.

***

Darcy came back with Conor and a lock for the fridge door. She smiled at Clint, holding up the lock. "How do I put this on the fridge?"

He took it to look at. "Screws," he said with a point and a smirk. "Probably pre-drill the holes."

"Do you have a drill I can borrow?"

"No," he admitted. "I'll find you one."

"Thank you." She blew a kiss at him. "The vet was not impressed with Conor's ability to eat a whole pie he snuck in the middle of the night," she said dryly, looking at her dog. "He got medicine for his tummy and for his butt since he's now stopped up. Apparently he found the cheese too." Clint walked off laughing. She let the dog pee and poop in the alley then took them upstairs to let her poor puppy rest. He curled up on what was becoming his spot on the couch with a groan and flopped down to nap.

It had been a long day for him. Darcy looked at him. "Next time don't get into the fridge without permission," she reminded him. "You won't have an upset tummy." She looked at her fridge door, frowning. "How does that work?" she muttered. She took a picture for Clint, who said he'd get a slide lock. Conor was smart but not that smart yet. Neither was Lucky. She sent back a thank you and her card number so he could buy it for her.

Clint looked at the phone then sighed. He went into the neighborhood hardware shop, shrugging some at the odd looks he was getting. "The cute one with the dog had the dog that got into the fridge and gorged. The vet wanted her to lock the fridge but she's got the two door design fridge so she can't use a regular lock."

"Slide lock? Like for the bathroom door?"

"If it'll work." That got a nod and they went to look at locks. He bought it and the cordless drill Darcy would need to use to install it. Plus a screwdriver because the last time she had screwed something in she had used a butter knife. "She's a woman," he said dryly. "She's got a butter knife, her heel, and a lot of bandaids."

The owner of the store laughed. "Heels can do some damage."

"Yeah, she's hurt a few people with them. And I had to teach her how to patch holes in the wall too because she had bad aim." He bought things with her card number and then took them back there to install it for her. Kate showed up to give him odd looks. "Conor got into the fridge," he said dryly. "Darce's in the bathroom. Apparently his stopped up tail spread."

She grinned. "She had pasta with cheese and cheesy garlic bread for dinner," she said dryly. She went to check on Conor, who woofed at her but didn't move for petting. "Is she sure he's all right?"

"They went to the vets."

"That's good." She sat beside the dog to pet him. He shifted over to put his head on her thigh, sucking up to the petting.

Clint finished installing the lock and cleaned up the small mess. "Darcy, did you die in there?" he called.

"Yes," she called back. "And you don't want to know why since it's a girl thing."

"Yeah, I don't need ta know," he agreed dryly. He put her drill in her coat closet and sat down to watch her cable instead. She had the better package.

"Oh my god, Darcy!" Kate called. "They're arresting the bigot for egging on the villain and for putting out contracts on people."

Darcy came out wiping off her hands so she could see. "Huh. Someone did nice work."

Clint looked at her. "Um, don't need to know that much....." He waved a hand.

She looked and went back to the bathroom. "Yeah, that's what was keeping me."

"Did another lizard bite you?" Kate called. "That was too high for girlish bleeding."

"No."

"Got bit by a dog?" Clint guessed.

"No."

"Did you get shot?" Kate asked.

"Not exactly." Kate and Clint both hopped up but Kate pushed him back down so she could go check on her. She walked in and looked at the bleeding spot. Darcy glared at her. "I'm fine."

"Yeah, sure you are."

"The stitches broke, Kate. I'm fine."

"When did that happen?" she demanded.

"Few days ago?" She shrugged and got a new bandage put onto it. "The local ER was not amused but they were nice enough to remove the small thing they shot at me that looked like a computer chip. Some kids with a modified air gun."

"Uh-huh." She squatted down. "Let me look at it." She shrugged and let Kate look and gently touch it. Darcy winced at the touch but she was okay. Kate looked up at her. "That's nasty and it needs restitched."

"I sweated too hard and they got wet."

Clint knocked on the door. "I can get a neighborhood doc sort here," he offered through the door. He leaned in at the grunt from Kate. "What did that?"

"The punks with the modified air gun. I sweated and the stitches got nasty and broke when I was cleaning them."

"What punks?" he demanded. "The mob guys?"

"No, and it was one of them that called me an ambulance," she admitted with a slight shrug. "Some little punks had something like a modified air gun and shot something that looked like a computer chip."

"Did the mob guy say anything about them?" Kate asked.

"Bro, I'm going to fuck them up for doing this in my neighborhood," she quoted with another slight shrug. "To the paramedics. I'm fine. It just broke open when I was cleaning it."

"Um, yeah," he decided. "Kate, go get my med kit? I've got more bandages than she does probably."

"Actually, I have a kit, have since I got dosed that first time and I got a bit prepper. It's in the bottom of the second closet," Darcy said with a point. "Bruce approved of it."

He nodded, going to look. He came back with the large box of supplies, making her sit down so he could use some bandage strips to keep it closed and some clean bandages. "You have got to quit having problems," he said quietly, staring at her. "Really."

"Not my fault."

"Yeah, I know, but it's bad, Darcy."

"I didn't think it was that deep. The ER people didn't say it was that bad." She looked down at herself. It was just above the line of her panties. "At least it's in a non-shaving area."

He snorted but finished bandaging it. "Okay, there you go. No more bleeding. All cleaned up." She kissed him on the tip of the nose and pulled back on some panties and a pair of sweat shorts. He cleaned up the small mess while she got something to get the blood off the floor. He walked off, putting the box back with a head shake. Sometimes he really wondered why such things were attracted to Darcy. He found Bucky in there staring at the dog. "He broke into the fridge," Clint reminded him. "He's already been to the vets."

"I guess that's why he's not snoring?"

Clint leaned over to check but Conor growled. "Fine. Just making sure you'll be all right." Darcy came out to toss out the cleaning pads and picked up her dog, taking him outside to make him walk for a few minutes. "Did you hear anything about the punks that shot her with something?"

"No. She did?"

"Yeah. Just above her pubic mound." Bucky grimaced, shaking his head. "All she said were some punk kids with a modified air gun."

"Not a clue," he admitted, shaking his head. "She all right?"

"Small wound," Kate said. "It bled for a few seconds earlier." She smiled. "Are you here for dinner?"

"To check on her. She's been too quiet." They watched as Darcy was shoved back into her apartment with the dog and someone ran down the stairs. "Did they manhandle you?" Bucky demanded, staring at her.

"Not really. Someone tried a driveby so they shoved me up here." She shrugged, looking at her dog. "Go crap on the fire escape." She pointed. "You know you gotta." He huffed but went to sit on the fire escape to stare at the pigeons. He did have the runs and he nicely did crap for his human. Who came out to clean him up again. He growled but she swatted him gently and did it anyway. "Good boy. Thank you."

Clint blinked at her then at Kate, who shrugged. "My dog's never had the runs," she said.

"The vet said to. He said all the stuff he ate was probably a bit acidic and it could hurt him. Cause skin ulcers he said."

"Fine," Clint agreed with a nod. "Now, what happened? And who were these punk kids? Were they the same as the ones doing the driveby?"

"No clue. On either. Go ask the bro guys." She grimaced. "Though it's insulting that they think I can't get out of the way."

"I'm sure you can," Clint said with a nod, smirking at her. "You haven't this week but I'm sure you can." Darcy shot him a glare. "Look, it's Barnes and he's hungry. Should I stick something in the oven to warm up?"

"Please. Pull out the big pan and warm it up." She carried her dog down to the last level of the fire escape and then climbed down with one arm on him and one on the rungs to help her. She let him crap down there too, and the last of the cheese came out. Along with something that may have been her sock at one point in time. She stared at her dog. "You don't have to chew on the socks or towels, Conor. I do feed you."

"You'd better be cleaning up after him," the manager yelled from his kitchen window.

"Sure, get me a hose." She leaned over to look at him. "Conor broke into the fridge last night. He got given medicine because he ate a pie and some cheese and apparently a sock."

The manager grimaced. "Poor dog." He shut the window. It was an alley, the rain would clean it up soon enough he guessed.

Darcy looked at her dog. "See, this is what happens when you eat stuff you're not supposed to eat, Conor. You get given medicine that makes you poop like a toddler." She pointed. "Let's go have a bath. That was nasty and I don't want you dragging your tail on the couch." He barked but followed her after crapping another time and groaning in pleasure at it. "Much better. Thank you, pupkins." She took him up to clean up the nastiness in his fur. Clint got out of the way, shaking his head. "The medicine worked," she quipped. She locked them into the bathroom to bathe the nastiness out of his fur.

Barnes grimaced. "Eww. I thought only babies did that."

"They had to make him crap out the cheese," Kate said. "It works the same on adults. Even when you're busy sometimes."

Clint tried not to laugh but he had to. "I heard," he admitted, shaking his head. She threw a pillow at his head but he ducked it and checked the stuff in the oven. "I'm guessing it's nearly ready." He pulled it out to stare at it for a minute. "It looks nice. Darcy, kinda brown on top?" he called.

"Toothpick test," she called from the bathroom. "Make sure the center's warmed up. Recover it too."

He did that and nodded, recovering it and sticking it back into the oven. "Sure. Maybe ten more minutes." He came back to sit down and watch the world implode with the way the news people were going off on how bad this looked on a presidential nominee. Not even *Nixon* got arrested while he ran for office. And what did that one woman who was suing him saying? Nothing yet. "Darce, they want a statement."

Kate pulled up her twitter to put out something quippy about the slimebag finally getting what he had started. Hopefully someone would make him pay something this time since he kept sliming his way out of it.

Darcy came out to grab her phone and went back to dry off her dog and clean out the tub while checking her twitter and the news story. She finally sent a statement that he had done it to himself and she felt no compassion for someone who put out contracts to kill people who fought back against him. She sent it in and then went back to scrubbing the dog hair out of her tub.

Clint looked down at the damp dog who had hopped into his lap with a huff of irritation. "Next time, remember this when you steal from the fridge," he said, petting him. "You feel better yet?" He flopped down with a groan, letting himself be petted. "You know, Bucky's here," he said with a point. Conor looked where he pointed and barked happily, hopping down to hop up on Bucky's lap. He adored his petting buddy.

Darcy came out shaking her head. She had cleaned herself up and changed out of the damp clothes so she could deal with dinner stuff.

Kate looked at her. "Tutoring?"

"Unless I mixed up my days that's tomorrow," Darcy quipped back.

"No, you didn't. What happens if they don't show up again?"

"I don't know," Darcy admitted. "I don't even know why they've been trailing off. Last week I only had three people."

"That sucks," Clint agreed. "Sometimes some people don't want to do something that's good for them." He looked back at her. "No salad?" he begged.

"I'd never feed you a salad unless Natasha was there to egg you into eating it," she said patiently. "That doesn't mean I won't make corn." He grinned, he liked that. The other two didn't have any reaction so it was probably okay with them too.

***

Darcy came out the next day to walk her dog, who was properly on a leash. She had seen the flashing lights so something was probably going on. She was stopped on her front stairs by one of the mob guys. "You know, I can handle myself," she said quietly, staring at him.

"Tasers are cute but don't work against cars shooting as they drive off," he said, staring at her. Conor barked. He looked at him then at her. "What sort of mutt is he?"

"He's part herding dog." She smiled. "He's a very good boy until he gets into the fridge."

"A fluffy thing like Lassie?" he asked, looking at the tawny colored dog.

"No, an Estrela mountain dog. They're Portugese." She found the information page on her phone to show him. "He's half that."

He looked at it. "Much fluffier than Lassie. So smart, fluffy, big dog."

"Protective big dog," she said with a grin. "Who ate half the fridge the other night."

He just nodded. "Dogs do that." He looked around. "They should let you go to the park. It should be safer."

She smirked at him. "It's usually safer than this. Is it the same punk kids that got me with the air rifle?" He nodded. "Just don't make a mess I'll have to testify against." She walked off with her dog.

"Nah, that'd be stupid," he agreed, going to tell the others. That dog was going to be *huge* and fluffy. "I wonder if she makes it dog cookies too." He shook his head to shake off the thought.

Darcy smiled and nodded at an officer. "Was he one of the ones that got me with an air rifle the other day?" she asked him.

"Probably," he said dryly. He looked at the staring dog. "He's getting big."

She smiled. "He's part herding dog."

"Clearly. The park's clear at the moment."

"Thanks." She walked him that way. She avoided the lone reporter but someone at the local corner store waved at her so she walked in. She blinked at the trash news rag that was held up. "Huh. Someone shot a picture through my bathroom window. She was fixing an injury for me." He blinked at her. "I'll tell her. Thanks." She paid for and took the magazine with her to the park to read while walking. They ran into Kate and Clint jogging so she handed it to Clint as they crossed paths.

"The mob guy thinks the same punks did the drive by this time." She smiled at her dog. "C'mon, I can hear Cutey huffing at her human for going so fast." He ran off to find his buddies to nuzzle and play with. Lucky was resting with Cutey so they all got to play and pee on things together while Darcy watched them. Clint shook his head as they made another nap. Now Kate was jogging while reading, and scowling a lot. "You have fun with them, Katie."

"Yup, I sure will," she agreed impatiently. "Fucking idiots."

Clint laughed, nodding. "Probably. Or looking for something to sell papers."

She snorted. "That won't sell papers. I'm not *that* popular," Kate complained. She handed the paper back to Darcy when they passed by her and the dogs the next time and was typing into her phone a few minutes later. Of course, that's when someone tried something so she had to pounce them with Clint to beat them to death for trying to shoot at her hair. Clint pulled her off the idiot when he was crying so the officer could arrest him.

She finished her tweet and sent it then a second one praising the officer for arresting the little idiot that tried to shoot her for daring to jog. Darcy's answered that tweet thanking the officers for the help with the messiness on their street that morning. It was cute. Had a cookie emoji at the end too. She showed Clint, who was snickering while stretching to cool down. Kate did another lap, she was behind because she had gotten there late. Her dog came when she whistled to join her for the last partial lap. It was cute.

Lucky barked at Darcy and Conor before running off to pounce his sweaty human. Clint didn't see him coming so that worked well. He got to knock him into mud, cracking up the Kate puppy and the Darcy puppy. Conor barked and came rushing over to help him by pouncing on Clint too. Cutey did too. Kate and Darcy both took pictures and got their dogs to walk off.

Clint looked back at the dog on his back. "Thanks, really, Lucky." He barked and lapped his ear then got off to dance around and dare him to catch him again. Clint got up with a moan and caught his dog after a few false attempts, carrying him back home while petting him. He could wash off the dog fur with the sweat and mud, and whatever else was in the mud. Or had created the mud since it hadn't rained the night before. He wasn't sure he wanted to know why there was mud in the park actually.

The officer looked at the punk kid, shaking his head. "You tried to take on two Avengers," he said bluntly. "How dumb are you?" He walked him off, handing him over. "Here, Stupid interrupted jogging Hawkeyes."

"Great," the other officer said dryly. "He's dumb. They'll love him in prison." He stuffed him into the back of a police cruiser and got in to drive him off.

The lone reporter was trying to bug Darcy. "Lewis, where did that picture come from!" he was shouting repeatedly.

She finally looked at him. "Kate was helping me bandage where those same punk kids got me with an air rifle," she said bluntly. She lowered the edge of her yoga pants to show off the bandage. "It had started to bleed so she nicely helped me rebandage it. Someone was taking pictures into my bathroom. Beyond that, I might like Kate but I think of her like a little sister. She's pretty safe from me that way, dude." She stared at him. "Anything else you think you want to ask at the top of your lungs?"

"You slept with avengers," he sneered.

"No, I've slept with *one* person who was in the tower. That's all. Sorry. I wasn't the resident stress relief. Ask anyone."

"We heard it from one of them."

"I doubt that. It was made up by a reporter who wanted readership." She stared at him. "Her little mental porn fantasy land where all the Avengers fuck should be put into fanfiction, not into the news since it's not reality. Thanks anyway. Most of them are hot and a few I wouldn't have minded tipping over to ride hard and put away wet, but they never offered. They were busy with their significant others. Now, anything else?" He pouted. "Good. Have a better day and I hope you find real news. There's plenty in this world you know." She took her dog upstairs, shaking her head when she met a neighbor on the stairs. "Stupid reporter's out there."

"I'll make sure I don't hit him too hard, dear," the older man said.

Darcy smiled at his back then at her dog. "C'mon. It's time for food." He barked and hurried up the stairs. He loved food. Darcy even gave him a tiny extra bit since he was so hungry. She was making her own food when his petting buddy climbed in the window so he went to bark at him until Bucky picked him up to pet him. Darcy made extra food for him, putting a plate on the counter for Bucky. "He just ate."

"I won't feed him any." He settled down to eat breakfast and pet the dog. Conor was mostly a good dog. Just a mooch who stole food.

Darcy came out with her own breakfast and settled in to eat. "How was your night?"

"Decent enough. I have a fan."

She smiled. "Groupies? They happen to nice people sometimes. Should see Stark's. Not the panty points ones but the engineer groupies who want to bear him really smart babies and hope his IQ is sexually transmitted."

Bucky snorted, shaking his head. "No thanks. Those sort scare me."

"Me too." She dug back in, turning on the news. She sighed at the story about her and Kate's picture, sending Kate a text message. Kate's response was already being reported at least. They got an updated tape from that slimy reporter outside and was showing it now, including the scar showing. Bucky stared at her. She shrugged and ate more food. Now they were criticizing her weight. She flipped off the tv and turned the station before she heard them accuse her of molesting Kate.

Kate came in a few hours later, all dressed up prettily and in her usual sunglasses. "They're slime and I told them they're slime and that they're especially slime for taking bathroom shots." She flopped down with a sigh. "I told them all that we're not together, I've never went down on you, and that you're not fat, you're in good shape beyond the injury. They all pouted that it wasn't more juicy. I even pointed out that I like girls and guys but you're like a big sister."

"That's what I said too."

"I saw. So much shit," she sighed. "It's too much for fabulous women to put up with. We should go clubbing tonight."

"I've got tutoring if anyone shows up."

"Point. Well, we can hit a club afterward. I have tomorrow off until the late night training sesh." She smirked and got up. "Let me go bug Clint." She looked out Darcy's bedroom window, grimacing. "And of course he's not home."

"I heard Lucky outside," Darcy offered. "Conor was barking from the fire escape. I had to put his leash on him to keep him up here."

"Cool." She went to find Clint on his front stoop again, staring at him as he drank coffee. "I have suitably chastised the herd of infotainment reporters who thought I was doing naughty things with Darcy. We agreed, we're like sisters."

"You do kinda look alike," he agreed with a smirk.

She laughed. "True." She sat beside him, looking at Lucky, who was staring at her. "Yes, I'm in a skirt. No putting your cold nose up it this time please." He barked and let her pet him then ran off to pee on something. She shook her head. "Cutey's just as weird."

He nodded. "They can be. I heard Conor."

"She tied his leash to the fire escape so he couldn't come visit like some neighbor's kid."

"That's sweet." He looked over as Darcy came down the stairs with her usual oversized bag. "What're you doing now?" he called.

"I'm going to up our disaster supplies because we're due another one soon," she called without looking, waving at them. "That way my safe room has more supplies."

"Sure. Get more coffee for me?" he called.

"Of course." She shot him a smile before she got in to drive off.

He grinned at her. "Means I don't have to grocery shop later."

"Yeah," she snorted. "I'm still looking for an apartment of my own." He patted her on the arm and they played with Lucky when he ran back to suck up to them for nibbles or treats.

***

Clint looked at the person there to annoy him, and it was annoying he couldn't kill this agent stooge who thought he was immoral. He stared at the guy. "Who the fuck do you think you are to demand anything from me?" he asked dryly. "I don't work for your people and even if I did, that's not only illegal but in bad taste."

"We think you're the person to handle this problem, Agent Barton."

"SHIELD fell, I'm not an agent anymore," he said dryly. "And you still can't order me to handle anything for you." He stood up. "You done? Good," he said without waiting for an answer as he walked off. "I'll let someone know you've made that decision for myself and them."

"You could cooperate. It would go much more smoothly," the agent sneered as Clint walked off.

"I'm sure it would but I doubt it'll happen." He waved back at him. "Have a better day with your drugs." He was already calling as he walked off. "We need a conference call, now. You, me, her, Natasha, Katie." He hung up. When Stark called back, Clint played the recording of what was going on.

"Oh, fuck them," Kate said. "That'd make you a cradle robber, Clint."

"Yeah, I know." He grimaced as he walked outside, putting on his sunglasses. "And I doubt they want the fallout from that lie coming out."

"Oh, they're going to get it," Stark said. "It's already in the news, guys. Just reported."

"Fuck," Darcy muttered. "Okay. Kate, do you want to start off?"

"Oh, so mine," she agreed. "Thanks." She hung up and called someone. "It's Kate Bishop. No, I'm not changing my name to his. All he is is my mentor. I've never done more than sleep on his shoulder. No, I just heard the tape from where Clint met with agents against his will where they tried to force that on him. You mean beyond the point that I'm still seventeen?" she asked dryly. "And I've only had one boyfriend?" She smirked as the reporter cringed. "Yeah, so some agent somewhere had a crackhead idea and it's a horrible one to discredit Clint and me. So please? Can we counter it?

"Before I have to go cry on Darcy DeCrith's shoulder? No, they're not dating but she is like a big sister to me. And at the moment I think I'm her heir if HYDRA gets her again. Thanks. Sure, I can make a statement. Thank you." She hung up and went to find something better to wear. "Uniform or not to uniform," she muttered as she looked. "Uniform...." She texted Stark, he was the master of impression management for press conferences, who sent back 'no uniform, look like a bitch'. So she got into her only business suit, the one she had worn to her father's funeral. That wasn't a good comparison but someone would probably make it. She stepped out and had two reporters waiting on her. "I'm going to make a statement."

"They sent us for that," they agreed, smiling at her. "Congratulations."

"Whoever put that out there were smoking the funky drugs," Kate shot back with an evil smirk. "Because I've only slept on Clint's shoulder." They groaned. "Clint called after getting out of a meeting with an agent who was pressing this plan. He had it on tape. Clint Barton and I are no more than mentor/mentoree and practice buddies. We fight beside each other. I don't intend to ever ball his brains out or to do anything else they're suggesting we do. Which would be kind of illegal since I'm *seventeen*. Apparently the idiots who put this out there can't count." She stared at one reporter. "I know your people are bad about that, but aren't you usually better?"

"Yes, ma'am, we usually are. We can count. We know how old you are." He smiled. "So nothing to the rumors?"

"No."

"What about that one lady?"

"Darcy?" They nodded. "No, they're buddies. Our dogs play together, guys. She lives next door to Clint's building." They sighed. "Not that he's not hot and all, but we've both seen Clint scratching things and belching. Hell, I've seen him with the flu. Not the image I want when I'm trying to get busy with someone and it would pop up. Training with him is a special bond but not that way," she finished sarcastically. "And if someone filed a fake marriage certificate, they're in a hell of a lot of trouble due to my age." She smiled sweetly. "Thanks, guys. Can you tell the others?" They nodded and hurried off to spread that. She went to change and went to Darcy's place to hang out. Darcy just hugged her and handed over her dog for a jog. "Thanks." She and Conor went to the park with Cutey in her backpack to bark at the other joggers.

***

Clint decided to be more impressive. He was in his uniform out in front of Avengers tower, glaring at the reporters Stark had called for him. "People, shut up for a few," he said, replaying the tape of the agent's talk to him once they were quiet. A few groaned. "Kate and I are friends. We train together, well, I train her a lot. We jog together. Our dogs play together. We helped fight HYDRA together to get Darcy DeCriths back. We are not screwing. Especially since she's only seventeen. Not to quote a song lyric." He looked around at them then at one in particular.

"I know your news rag has put out various rumors about who I'm screwing but it sure isn't Kate Bishop. I like the girl, she's like my sister. There'll probably never be screwing going on unless we get hit with some sort of alien virus or that screwing drug that HYDRA keeps trying to dose people with. Seriously, and if they tried to file a fake license they're in for a rude shock since my last divorce isn't final yet. She never signed the papers." He smirked a tiny bit. "Someone is hitting the booze and it's wrong to try to force us to join them."

"So the agent is trying to calm down the teams that way?" one reporter said to make sure.

"Yeah, apparently he wanted to keep the Young Avengers team down by some of us screwing them. I'd hate to be the agent when those of us who have significant others hear." The reporters mostly shuddered.

Pepper stepped up behind him, brushing some shed hair off his shoulder. "I'd hate to be them when I find them as well since they tried to file fake marriage certificates between Tony and Miss America too," she said with a small, evil smirk. "He's not amused. I've had to lock him out of the lab until he calms down, people." They moaned, staring at her. "All the Avengers, and I have talked to all the members in the last few minutes, have been warned and if we found out they were a victim of this plan they can make their own statements beyond 'stop it'.

"Frankly, I'm going to find that agent to have a talk with them. I'm wondering if they're helping HYDRA with their attempted breeding program really." One of the reporters shuddered. "No, they thought about using her and Sam Wilson, who doesn't know Darcy. Darcy's already went on a rant and is about to find someone with my help. After all, we women have to be stronger sometimes." They fled at her evil smirk. She plucked off some more hair. "Was Lucky laying on your vest again?"

"Yeah. He considers it comfy," he quipped. "Darcy okay?"

"All but swore vengeance but I kept her from calling out to see if Lady Sif could help her smite someone."

"HYDRA?" he asked.

"Yup." She strolled off. "You have fun with them, Clint."

"Should I watch out for Steve's girlfriend?" he asked.

"You probably should but I warned Sharon before Steve, Clint." She shot a grin back at him before getting onto the elevator. "She was not amused either."

"Yeah, she can be that way." He walked off shaking his head to find the stupid humans. He did text Darcy, telling her to calm down and to talk to Sam. He was a nice guy. They could get along pretty well actually. The answer he got back should've had some symbols instead of letters. A whole lot of words that needed to be weeded out for their filthiness.

***

Scott Lang showed up last at the meeting, he had been out of town. "So, what happened?" he asked as he walked in. "I'm just thankful they didn't come after me or Cassie."

"They did try Cassie," Stark said, tossing down the file to him. "Then someone apparently realized she was a young teen and that was suicidal." He looked at Darcy. "You nearly took someone hostage, Lewis."

She smiled sweetly. "They had a gun on me anyway. The stupid fuckers who wanted to breed me again."

Stark blinked, staring at her. "You're mad."

"Ya think?" she asked sarcastically. "This isn't the first time they've tried to twine me with someone, Tony. As you know since we had to stop the story that I was your kid."

"Point. You've had a bad year."

She smiled sweetly at him. "Yes and if find the reasons for it I'm going to shoot them. It might take me a few times but...." Clint patted her on the back. "I'm fine, just mad."

"Being mad is good," Clint assured her. "I'm really happy that no one's got hold of that drug that they tried to get you with." She stared at him. "I'm not embarrassed but it'd look bad on you."

"They sent it to me, Clint. I didn't voluntarily take it."

"I know that. Calm down. I meant in the press."

"If they try that then I've got one hell of a shove back." She smirked at him. "And I heard from your ex-wife. She thanked me for making sure you ate."

"I talked to her last night," he sighed. "She's not amused."

"None of us are amused," Natasha said. "At least they didn't try me."

"Um, no, they put everyone into breeding pairs," Pepper told her. "I think they figured out you can't. Or maybe they decided you shouldn't with your history, Natasha."

"That's possible," she admitted. She looked at Scott, who was scowling. "Are you all right?"

"My ex-wife is livid," he admitted. "And not at everyone, just at the agents who tried this. I'll have to tell her about them trying Cassie. She's not even on a team."

Darcy looked at him. "Have you talked to her about that stuff?"

"Why would I? She's a normal kid," he said.

"Because she sees you doing it," Darcy said. "And she might want to follow you."

He blinked a few times. "She'd be about the only second generation if she did," Stark said. "But a few of the mutant teams do have second gen kids because their parents did." Scott growled. "Calm down. She's too young to do more than train right now."

"Which she is," Clint told him. "She's been going to the same gym as Katie does."

Scott sighed, shaking his head. "Great. Thanks for letting me know I need to talk to my daughter, guys."

"Welcome," Clint said. "Though it might make her stubborn."

"Have her talk to a few of them about how hard it is," Darcy said. "Including how hard it is to have a normal life. Plus all the injuries."

He nodded. "Yeah, I'm going to have a parental talk with her tonight apparently." He leaned on the table. "What are we doing about the fake certificates?"

"I've already gotten a lawyer for the team and an appointment with a judge," Stark said. "He was not amused but thought it might be a good idea to keep the kids out of spandex."

Kate looked down the table at him. "Sorry but I didn't know that having a spouse would stop what I felt I had to do. Because if I feel I have to do something I'll damn well do it, Stark."

"Good," Pepper agreed, reaching down to pat her on the shoulder. "The world needs more people who make a difference." She looked at the others. "We're going in front of a judge in a few weeks. It was as fast as the emergency hearing could be heard."

Darcy waved a hand. "I've already talked to my lawyer about this and other things so he knows he doesn't have to redo my will yet." She looked at Kate, who was scowling at her. "Keep it up and I'll put you before any of the kids I adopt or have while I remove the rest of the list of possible heirs," she said dryly. Kate rolled her eyes but smiled. Everyone stared at her. "I've got to leave my recipes and funds to someone, people." She shrugged and crossed her feet. "My lawyer was amused and told me the many laws they violated," she said, passing it to Stark with a smirk. "He was evilly amused."

"Good. Is your lawsuit still going?"

"Yup." She smiled smugly. "The judge has actually ordered him to pay judgements finally. The one for the charities just got that order and a lien against his properties until he does that and proves it to the judge."

"Good," Pepper agreed. "By the way, this is Sam." She pointed.

Darcy smiled and waved at him. "Hi, Sam. We barely met at that one community helping conference. I'm Darcy, your wife." He cracked up but reached across the table to shake her hand. "I used to be Jane Fosters' intern."

"That's cool." He looked at the others then at Pepper. "Can we help?"

"You've all put out statements," she said. "You'll probably have to testify during that hearing."

"We'll need to up the security at the courthouse then," America said from her seat, swinging it back and forth. "It'd be a juicy target that day." She looked at Steve, who nodded. "Can we get real agents?"

"Yes, we can probably get SHIELD to help guard it," he said. "I can ask." Darcy passed down a phone number she looked up. "Who's this, Darcy?"

She smiled. "Your near twin." He smirked back and tucked it into his shirt pocket. "It'd get them out of the Middle East because for some reason I heard rumors that they're going to have a huge problem soon."

"I can call to see if they need the help," Steve agreed. She smiled. "Can we help them?"

She got into her email and handed down her phone. Clint glanced at it and groaned but handed it on. "Hopefully someone can," she told him.

Steve read that email, grimacing. "That's going to suck. How would they know?"

"They're a minion."

"Oh, crap. Okay." He tossed it to Stark, who read the email with a grimace.

"Yeah, that needs to be stopped by others so we don't have a sudden problem." He handed the phone back to Darcy. "Let us handle that, Lewis. You're not that good."

"I never wanted to be that good," she admitted. "HYDRA and all that just made me be mean."

"True. We'll work on that tonight. For right now, we have to stop the agents. Was he Homeland?" he asked Clint.

"Worse. NSA."

"Yay, the terror police that terrorize others," Darcy said dryly. "I'm still wondering why they're hacking my computer." Stark sat up to stare at her. "Unless you got into my email from my step-aunt and then marked it as unread when I had already read it?"

"No," he admitted. "I didn't." He smiled. "We can check, Darce."

"Thanks." She grinned. "Before I have to start to fund a team to protect me. Though I did promise Jake he could at least have my closet if he ever needed it."

Stark looked at her. "That's so weird."

She smiled. "It'd be up to him if he wanted more than the closet. I can't just *assume*."

"Uh-huh." He looked at Sam then at her. "Have you gotten any flack since you're in the only interracial attempt?"

"No. I haven't heard from any of the friends I know though. They know I would've announced it myself if I had gotten married. Though I haven't heard from many of them since I got back from the kidnaping really." She stared at him. "I know they're fickle and sometimes assholes, Stark. I grew up with them. There's only one other interracial couple in my friends group and her daughter's adorkable. Seriously adorkable."

"They can be really pretty babies," Sam Wilson agreed. "Would they dump you as friends for that?"

She looked at him. "Yeah, some would, Sam. There's assholes even in the less worried about money groups." He grimaced. "By the way, I signed an order with my lawyer that this was not a legal marriage so you were not entitled to my estate."

"Thanks. That'll help a lot."

"That's what he said in case I get kidnaped again." He nodded. "Kate's my present heir." She smiled at her then at Sam. "Though you're cute and all."

"No, that's one thing I don't want to deal with," he agreed. "I can't imagine what sort of problems that would bring."

"No, problems is my cousin really needs an heir. They're still debating if my grandmother's title is going to be passed onto him." Stark moaned, thumping his head on his chair. "They're aware of what happened to him so they're talking about it. Not sure yet. It'll probably be a year before we hear anything."

Pepper stared at her oddly. "Your grandmother had a title?"

"She married into it. Her first husband was a lord." She grinned. "He died on their honeymoon from the sex without heirs. The death certificate they had to hand in said 'died due to cardiac arrest during sexual matters'. Then she married her second husband, who was a DeCriths."

"Your father took your mom's name?" America asked her.

"Yeah. It made it easier on him in Hollywood." She shrugged. "Money people get noticed more because they fund productions."

She just nodded. "Wow."

"Yeah, and his was hard to spell according to him." She grinned.

"Seriously weird." She looked at Tony, who was smiling. "You knew?"

"Yeah, I knew. My mom told me once so I wouldn't bring it up at a party."

Darcy shrugged. "Wasn't like it was a secret, Tony."

"What does your father's people do?" Kate asked.

Darcy shrugged. "I've never talked to a single one of them. I have no idea. I know they never showed up, never wrote, never called, nothing. I'm not even sure if I have relatives that way. We had one history assignment where we had to do a family tree and he had a talk with the teacher so I had the flu that week."

Kate blinked a few times. "Witness protection maybe?"

"No clue." She shrugged but grinned. "Never had one and I never really wondered. I figured if they weren't interested in his life they certainly wouldn't be interested in mine."

"Huh." She nodded. "We can do the ancestry.com thing."

"No need. I don't need to know."

Stark looked it up, blinking a few times. "It's listed as no match for that name." He looked at her. "So maybe he changed out of his witness protection name. I can ask Coulson if he'll look."

"Not interested, Tony. Really. But thanks."

"Welcome, kid." He'd think about that later. Just in case it'd come back to bite her again.

"With your luck they were probably mobbed up," Clint joked. "Something about booze runners during prohibition."

She considered it. "Grandmother's husband was running a major bank and had a backroom poker buddy room so he probably broke that rule too," she admitted. "Grandmother probably would've made a great moll."

Steve looked down at her. "Seriously?"

"Yeah." She pulled up a picture of her grandmother. "That's her when I was a kid." She let him see it. "She shocked everyone by fighting for women's rights to vote. Went to jail a few times. She was a strong woman with ideas about how things should be and she thought drinking was kind of nasty but it's what people did as she put it. If Grandfather had wanted to she probably would've helped him smuggle some in."

"Wow." He stared. "Did I meet her?"

"Not that she ever mentioned but her husband was a banker." She shrugged. "No clue." She looked up a picture online. "That's her wedding picture from the Boston Herald's archives." She let him see it.

"She was a looker," he said. He frowned. "I met her husband so maybe." He handed the phone back.

"It wouldn't surprise me any but he died before I was born." She shrugged. "Grandmother said he was a good man who liked to lecture a lot when things went wrong in his life. He sounded a bit OCD really."

Clint smiled. "You are about your kitchen so you get it naturally at least."

She bopped him on the arm. "You made an unholy level of mess, Clint. Of course I fussed."

"Point," he admitted. "Though Lucky made the mess."

"Yes, but Lucky couldn't clean it up," she said dryly. "You had to use the sponge for him."

Stark looked at Sam, who smiled. "She's like my sister," Clint told him.

"You seem to have a few of those," Sam joked. "Her and Kate."

"Kate's like my little sister anyway," Darcy quipped. "So that works."

"We even look somewhat alike," Kate agreed with a grin for her.

Stark shook his head. "I think about Lewis the same way, Wilson. She's great at being a sister."

"She is," Steve agreed. He looked at her. "Where's Bucky?"

"The last I knew he was on my fire escape watching the mob guys play dice in the alley again. I told him about the meeting, Steve."

"Fine. Are they bothering you?"

"They're really protective of her," Clint said dryly. "And kind of scared of her really." She just smiled sweetly at him. "She made the two that helped her cookies. A few thought she should thank them from their laps but liked the cookies. If something's going on they make sure she's pushed back into her building with the dog. The one time they forgot the dog the officer had to pull the dog off the guy trying to mug her. They follow her and the dog on walks to the park. They don't try to flirt with her real often though." She shrugged at everyone's look. "I don't know why and when I asked why the sudden respect for her I got given dirty looks."

"It took them more than a year to realize you were scary," Kate reminded him. "Before that they thought you were annoying and just a guy. Hell, it took them six months to realize I was pretty. Before then I got menaced a few times but then they figured out I'm pretty so they tried to flirt for a bit."

"They are not the best representation of Russians," Natasha said dryly. "Would you like them to flirt with you?"

"Better flirting than promising I'd make an ugly pro at their club," Kate shot back. "Which got one stabbed."

"I've gone from 'you're weird' to 'oh shit protect her'," Darcy said. "No clue why."

"They saw you tazing a guy," Kate reminded her.

"Point. Maybe that's it. Though one did tell me that my tazer wouldn't work on a drive by when he shoved me inside the building."

"You really get respect from the Russian mob guys?" Bruce Banner asked her.

"Yeah. They seem to not want to upset me. They don't flirt with me. They don't do more than nod politely. I have no idea what changed that."

"Me either," Clint admitted. Bruce stared at him. "They tried to menace me at first. I was ruining their plans." He shrugged. "It took a bit but they realized I'm scary when I want to be." He smiled. "Even in a suit with the dog."

"I'm glad I don't have to deal with that," Bruce said, looking at Natasha, who shrugged back.

"They are not good representations of Russians," she reminded him. "They have few skills outside of wearing jewelry and track suits."

"And saying 'bro' a lot," Clint quipped.

"I think they have may something like Tourette's syndrome that makes you repeat words," she shot back with a grimace.

"I'm worried one got into my room and tried on a pretty robe," Darcy told Clint, grimacing some. "I didn't leave that robe out; I never wear the lacy thing that was a present from an ex-boyfriend. Yet it was on the back of my door."

"So either they were trying it on or someone left it out as a hint to wear it?" Steve asked her.

"Gotta be because I'm not haunted by more than Bucky and he doesn't touch my clothes to wear or otherwise."

Steve shook his head quickly. "I can't see Bucky wearing women's clothes. That's such a bad image." She patted him on the arm. "Thanks, Darcy."

"Welcome." She smiled at him. "I'll tell him that later." He snorted but smiled at her, shaking his head again but more happily this time.

Stark was rubbing his eyes, shaking his head, and moaning. "I can see him in your beanies and scarves but not the flirty things." He paused to stare at her. "You don't have flirty things."

"I do so. I just don't get a chance to wear them anymore."

"You should do more of that. You're too young to waste away, Darcy," he ordered.

"I should but then again I'd probably get kidnaped again."

"Point. Well...."

"No, we went clubbing one night," Kate told him, sighing at the end. "So bad."

Darcy kicked her under the table. "It wasn't *that* bad. Just because the two married lech's tried to rophy us and take us home to share with their wives. Who were serial killers."

America looked at Kate then at Darcy. "Glad I was too busy to go with you two that night." She looked at Clint. "Are they like that usually?"

"I think it follows Darcy." She swatted him on the arm. "Seriously, Darce. It seems to follow you."

"If so, I'm holding it for Jane."

"Quite possibly," Pepper said. "What about a nice, upscale club."

"They don't dance at those," Darcy told her. "It's all polite drinking and 'would you like to suck a dick tonight' questions, Pepper. I don't want some polite guy to ask me to suck him in the back room between his expensive glasses of scotch on the rocks."

Sam was choking, moaning some. "Very blunt, Darcy."

She smiled. "Yes, I tend to be." She looked at Pepper. "We went to a rave after busting those two and it was just fine. No threats or anything. Kate got groped. I got groped. Still didn't get any."

Kate shook her head. "I can't claim to be that innocent." She smirked at her. "You could've taken that one guy home."

"Kate, he was sixteen. My name is not Cougar; I don't wear a hat."

"He was a hotty," she admitted. "Jake was a cute geek too. 'Mer, we should adopt them if they come back to the states."

"Sure. Introduce me, Katie." She waved a hand around with a grin. "Talented is always good."

"They're commandos, you're too young for them," Stark told her. "And Jake looks a lot like Steve's clone."

She grinned at Steve. "I don't want to creep you out but you know you're pretty, right?" He nodded, looking amused. "Then that'd work." She smirked at Stark. "Just like the prior generation, we do have stress relief needs, Stark. You could buy bimbos. I can't."

"They're so stupid it's almost useless anyway if you buy one," Darcy told her. "They expect a lot of nothingness. I had one pout that I wasn't going to tie him down and pound him into the bed when I said I wanted a cuddle. I told him I would but he had a sore I didn't want to get too near." She rolled her eyes. "Really not worth it but post battle cuddles helped me a lot. Then I went clubbing the next night and some semi-titled, little dicked thing wanted me bad enough to go down there."

America Chavez looked at her in awe. "You rented?"

"Only for cuddles. I didn't want to catch whatever the last lady who rented him had. I think some of the club whores are cleaner than some of them."

America stared at her. "Hold on, you're never in battles."

"She was on the sidelines of New Mexico and London," Pepper told her. Darcy smiled and nodded. "And yes, cuddles are great when you need to calm down after battles. If you don't have a constant source, renting them is reasonable sometimes. I nearly did a few times."

"Hey!" Tony complained.

"You were in the lab," she told him dryly. "I don't have Darcy's gift of getting you out of there."

"There were a few days I nearly did an exorcism of Science," Darcy told her. "Just to make it quiet down as a spirit. Those days, I slipped in something that they'd eat that would make them sleepy."

"I need to try that," Pepper said, staring at Tony. Who grimaced but shook his head.

Clint was shaking his head but trying not to laugh. "Yeah, you wrangled it better," he agreed.

"That's why I got lemon tea," Bruce realized. Darcy smiled and nodded. "You're sneaky, kid."

"Yes I am." She grinned.

Sam Wilson was staring at that young woman someone wanted him to date and marry. She was not the usual sort. "Do you still club?" he asked.

"Not as often. I have HYDRA trying the same damn thing to hook me up with Barnes," she said dryly. "Apparently my genetics are just right to be knocked up with super soldier babies."

Sam shook his head quickly. "That figures."

"Figures is the guy behind it originally was a vet," Darcy said dryly. "He didn't understand that most women aren't fertile on their cycle or what a tampon was for."

"So far beyond most geeks' level of not dealing with anyone," Pepper sighed. "Who has the plan now?"

"AIM," Clint and Kate said together. She stuck her tongue out at him.

"It's to the point where I actually thought about having a kid so they'd have to lay off for a while," Darcy said dryly. "Then I realized how much work kids take and I'm not ready yet." She looked at Bruce. "Is that stuff in the Avengers database in case?"

"Not yet," he admitted. He looked at the others. "Darcy's been dosed in the past by HYDRA," he told the others.

"And a few police officers who opened the suspicious package," Clint said.

"They have a super anti-inhibitant gas. There's a usual form and an associated gas that can be added to make it so it'll pop back up randomly in your life even if you take the antidote." Bruce leaned his arms on the table. "The thing's nasty. It makes it so you *have* to screw to solve it. The antidote will only work if you've broken that need twice, even with yourself. So far they've only sent it in packages."

"The suspicious one had forty pounds of sex toys and restraints," Clint told him. "And a balloon full of the lesser gas."

"The one in Chicago that we avoided was in a regular mailing envelope with plastic coating but I didn't see an interior holder when the security team showed me."

Scott nodded. "I didn't notice it either until I noticed she was shaking after someone dosed her with the stuff by wiping some on her cheek with a fingertip. Thankfully there is an antidote."

Darcy nodded quickly. "It's bad enough I wore out a vibrator in the tub."

Kate swallowed. "That's nasty."

"Very," Clint told her. "We'd have to figure out how to cure that for you if you get dosed. Or Steve."

"Dr. Fitz, with SHIELD and on Coulson's team, asked me to look into it one of the ones with serum got hit or myself," Bruce told him. "Steve, Bucky, and Natasha would metabolize it fairly rapidly but the serum would make it stick around, possibly to the point where it integrated to make it normal for them to be that way. They wouldn't need the second gas added." He looked at Natasha. "I told you about that stuff."

"You did," she agreed with a nod. "What about yours?"

"You're going to lock me in a room and hope I change back," he admitted. "In my body, the serum would react thousands of times stronger than it should in Hulk form. If I'm normal, I'd have it last longer and might Hulk out."

"So lock you in a room and toss in a blow up doll?" Stark suggested. "With body signs and the like?"

Bruce glared at him. "I doubt that would fool the Hulk, Stark."

"Doc, I didn't really care what form the dick took, I just needed it," Darcy told him. "That might be enough. Though I will note that I had a *lot* of muscle cramps and twitches plus shaking badly. It did distract from the necessary things a few times."

"How did you solve it?" Kate asked her.

"Two vibrators, a long hot bath, and a helping set of hands that made it better once I got the antidote. Still took six hours after I got hit with the antidote."

Kate blinked a few times. "Wow. Yeah, let's try to get that out of the common areas," she told America.

"If we hear about it, we'll gladly confiscate it and hand it to you, Stark. I don't need that in my life."

"Thanks. Bruce, can we neutralize it if it's released in an open area?"

"It's very stable. It'll dilute but not die. You need to worry more about those who came in direct contact with it than the mass in the area. We'd have to quarantine an area but those ones would need immediate support."

Stark nodded. "Okay. Can we put a reading of it in the system so my suit can detect it?"

"Already have," Bruce assured him. "FRIDAY was not amused about that gas and hoped no one ever released it where she had to see it. She put into your suit's system but not the general Avengers database."

"I hope not too," he agreed dryly. "That'd suck."

"Sucks was the body ache," Scott told him. "And the ten hours it took overall."

Clint nodded. "Nine of it working it out of her body."

Pepper stared at them. "Really?"

Scott pointed at Clint. "I sat in the hall to guard them. He came with the antidote."

Darcy smiled at him. "You're a good hanging out buddy, Scott."

"Thanks." He grinned at Clint. "Sorry to spill that."

"I'm not ashamed. Darcy needed me." He shrugged.

"Clint, there was a time I would've tipped you over so fast you would've squealed," Darcy said dryly. "You're a buddy though and I don't tarnish friendships with sex."

He grinned at her. "Thanks, kid."

"Welcome." She nudged him with an elbow. He snorted but got her back.

"I'll gladly send you two on a great honeymoon as a wedding present," Stark quipped with a grin for them.

Clint stared at him. "I could use a vacation but marrying is a horrible price to pay for it, Stark. Been there, done that, have the scars from the nails to prove it."

Pepper smiled at him. "I like your ex. She's nice."

"To you," he snorted. "It wasn't even my fault we broke up."

Natasha looked at him. "She forgave you for being a man."

"Gee, thanks."

"Now I know what being married's like," Kate quipped with a smirk for Clint.

"It's like being a roomie you have sex with as often as you can talk them into it and you have to give up shit," Clint told her, being blunt. "And you have to do things to make them happy so they give up sex more often. It also means people use your stuff and sometimes steal t-shirts that you get back after the laundry's done."

"Wow. I guess I'll play the field. I can't stand to have someone in my space all the time yet."

"Ditto," Darcy admitted. "I've lived with a few boyfriends for a few months and it drove me nuts. I can compromise like a pro but their things are already arranged and you can't change it on them so it looks better. You have to think about things like housework more often because two people make three times the mess single people do. You have to scale back meals so you're only cooking for two instead of making enough to put into the freezer for an extra week's worth of meals because you don't know if they'll like it or not. And if you're married you can't just break up and go 'it's been fun but I can't do this' and walk."

Kate nodded slowly. "Yeah, not doing that." She shook her head quickly. "I'll play the field for now. Thanks."

Steve looked down at Darcy. "Do you have that problem with Bucky?"

"He only comes in to pet the dog and sometimes for dinner. The same as Clint and Kate do." She shrugged. "He lives on the roof and sometimes the neighbor's roof when he's staring at the pretty lesbians downstairs on the other side of my building. They like to go at it on the fire escape."

Steve blinked at her. "Why isn't he coming in?"

"I've offered," she said with a shrug. "He won't. He'll come in for a little while then go back to hiding."

"Damn it."

"I worried when he disappeared for three weeks but when I asked if he was all right because he had disappeared he gave me dirty looks and refused to eat dinner before escaping for a few more days."

Steve sighed. "I'll talk to him, Darcy. Do you think you can find him his own apartment?"

"No clue," she admitted. "Clint found me mine."

"I know there's a few in the neighborhood," Clint told him. "I'll suggest it later tonight."

"Okay." He settled back in his seat. "Thanks. Let me know if I can help by suggesting something so he can get stubborn against something else."

"We can do that. Even if I do have to adopt a stray dog to give to him," Darcy quipped with a smile for him. "Therapy dogs are great."

Steve considered it. "That might help him, I don't know," he admitted. "You can ask him, Darce."

"I'll do that later." Her phone beeped so she looked at it. "Great. The meglomaniac is out of jail and blaming being arrested on me too. I really should go behead him and his whole family." Clint took her phone from her. "Hey!"

"We can talk about the slimebag later," Kate said, placating her. "You don't have to be Saudi on him, Darcy. There's many more fun ways to ruin him."

"I got told to quit being so evil. I scared my lawyer enough he wrote Stark." Tony nodded with a smirk. "So I'm not allowed to really go evil."

"We'll talk about him tonight when my team meets, okay?"

"Fine. Can I have my phone back to answer them?"

"No." She sent out a quick text that Darcy was in an important meeting and they were keeping her calm before she found a whip or something to use on the idiot's backside since apparently his parents had never taught him anything. She tucked the phone into her purse with a grin for Clint. "It'll probably be handled."

"We hope," he agreed. Darcy's phone beeped again. "Them?"

She looked then slid it over. "Unknown number. Tutee?"

"Not sure." She opened that text. "No, the mob guys want to ask me a question." She sent back a 'I'm uptown and it'll be about an hour' back. They agreed it was fine and could wait on her and the dog. She put her phone back into her purse but Clint stole it. "Hey!"

"Yay. What did they want?"

"No clue. He didn't say. Just that he wanted to ask me a question." She shrugged. She took her phone back and put it into her bra then smiled at the others. "I should've brought brownies. I'm in the mood to bake."

Stark moaned. "I hate you. I'm going to be too fat to fit into my suit."

Darcy gave him a weird look. "I haven't baked for you since your birthday, Tony."

He sat up, staring at her. "I got cookies just like yours the other day."

"Not unless someone else mailed them. Clint, Kate?"

"No, not us," Kate admitted. "You haven't made cookies in a few weeks."

"Huh," Stark said with a nod. "So I have an admirer who bakes, Pep."

"Is it one of the engineers who thinks your IQ is sexually transmitted?" Kate asked dryly. "Darcy swears there's a herd of them."

"There are," Pepper agreed dryly. "Way too many of them. Some even got plastic surgery so they'd be more pleasing to him." Kate burst out laughing. "Seriously. We had three of them apply to be interns this year." She looked at Tony. "We'll test the cookies later if you've got any left."

"I didn't feel any funny effects but sure," he agreed. He blinked at Darcy. "Really?" She nodded. "Damn. They tasted just like yours."

"Most of the ones I make are pretty generic recipes I've jazzed up a bit. You might ask Cassie if she made them. I shared some of my recipes with her."

Scott shrugged. "I can ask her," he agreed. They all looked at each other. "Okay, so a different weird thing." They all nodded. "Great. Darcy, which cookie recipes aren't that generic?"

"My mom had recipes from some of my grandmother's friends, who were mostly foreign born. So we have some Italian and some Jewish cookie recipes in the book and a few others. The rum balls aren't because I make mine with gingerbread type cookies instead of graham cookies."

He blinked a few times. "You make rum balls?" Bruce asked.

She smiled and nodded. "I made a ton of them for the mob guys that helped me a few weeks back."

"Huh." He nodded.

"I use a spiced rum and gingerbread sort of mixture then powder it with powdered sugar mixed with the new glazing sugar stuff."

"That sounds nice."

She smiled. "I know when your birthday is," she teased.

"I wouldn't mind that then." He smiled at her. "You do bake exceptionally well."

"Thank you." She looked at Clint. "Are you going to throw a fit that I'm helping Matt with something?" she asked him.

He stared at her. "Why would I?"

She blinked at him. "You haven't heard. Okay. Well, just don't throw a fit. Okay?"

"Yeah, why?"

"I'll tell you later."

"Seriously?" Stark demanded. "We know most everything else."

"I'm helping someone by playing pretty bait. Only in pictures though."

Clint blinked at her. "I heard about that plot, Darcy. I was hoping they hadn't seen you."

"I'm bored, Clint. Really, really bored." He shuddered. "I've really got to start a real job sometime soon and then figure things out from there. The last one got another bribery letter and tried for it but haven't gotten paid yet."

"That figures. The man's never paid anyone," Kate quipped. "What about expanding your mom's?"

"I'm still working on building the trust up. That only takes me a few hours a week. I do it all Wednesday night."

"Shoot."

"The Maria Stark Foundation needs some help," Pepper offered with a smile. "You do have the skills."

Darcy smiled at her. "I can help there, Pepper. Not a problem. Do I need to wow the corporate structure with my outfits?"

"No. Not most of the time and I'll give you warning."

"Thanks. Let me know when you need me. I'm great at community organizing."

"Tomorrow," she said with a nod. "We're in the middle of grant giving season."

She smiled. "I can come help tomorrow. See if it's something I can handle." Pepper smiled and nodded. "Thank you."

"Welcome. How are you playing bait?"

Darcy got into her phone and sent her an email that Clint tried to see and couldn't. "That."

Pepper looked at it away from Tony, blinking at it. "Wow. Yeah, that's very bait." She closed that email and looked at the younger woman. "Wow."

"Thank you. It was really uncomfortable too."

"If it's naked pictures I don't want to see them," Scott complained. Steve nodded he agreed. Darcy pulled up one and tossed her phone at his head so he'd catch it. He blinked. "Oh, wow." Steve looked over, blinking hard at it. He closed that out and slid it back down the table so Kate could have her phone back. "Yeah, that's bait."

"It'd draw a lot of people," Steve agreed. She grinned at him for that compliment.

"Why can't I know?" Clint demanded. Darcy huffed but showed him that picture. "Damn."

"With the hipsters going backward, there's a definite air of nostalgia going on. He's one of them."

"Oh, that guy. Yeah. That'd... Huh." He handed the phone back. "I agree, wow."

She smiled. "Thanks. Really." He pinched her but she poked him back.

"Yeah, they're like siblings," Stark said dryly. "Pepper?"

"No, you can't see it, Tony."

"Fine. Is she naked?"

"No. Not hardly," Steve said. "Very poster girl though."

"Really? They've went nostalgic all the way back there?" Stark asked her.

"Some have. They've went back to record players and all sorts of things. They're even using the regular mail instead of email."

"Wow. Way nostalgic," Scott agreed. "Huh." They all got back to the problems with HDYRA and the new dossiers that they had of their agents thanks to them coming after Darcy. Even Steve hadn't seen a few of those.

***

Darcy settled on her stoop with her dog once she got back, petting him while he danced around. "We'll go walk in a minute. Let me tie my shoes." She did that. He nearly dragged her to the park. She found Lucky had gotten out. "You naughty puppy, did you run away?" she demanded. Lucky barked and ran over to play with her. She petted him. "Stay with me, Lucky. Heel." He followed the other dog and her around the park to pee on things. She ran into one of the mob guys and Lucky barked, making Conor bark. "Hush," she ordered. They quit, staring at her. "Thank you." She smiled at him. "So, what's up?"

"Some of our kinsman have found people like that one armed scary one," he said quietly, looking around then at her again. "We do not like such things. If people like those can't appreciate beauty, then they shouldn't be around."

She smiled. "I'll let them know. Where?" He handed over a letter. "Thank you." She kissed him on the cheek. "If you're the one that pulled out that robe to try it on, it's scratchy and from a sleezy ex-boyfriend sort."

He laughed. "No, I think that one young one wanted you to wear it so he could peer at you."

She rolled her eyes. "I don't accept stalkers."

"He's scared you'll hurt him if he asks you out." He walked off. "Be safer."

"I'll try. Thank you. C'mon, guys, let's get Lucky home." They walked off together. No Clint's lights being on so she brought Lucky with her and opened the fire escape window. "Bucky?" she called quietly. He leaned over the edge of the building. "C'mere please?"

"More problems with Conor?"

"No." She got out of the way and went to the kitchen. He climbed in and she patted the envelope. "The guys think you're super scary and I'm still wondering if you pulled out that lacy robe to try it on. Steve said he couldn't see you in my clothes but ya never know."

Bucky stared at her then sighed, shaking his head. "I would not try on your clothes. I don't have the chest for it, Lewis." She smirked. "Did Steve groan?"

"A lot." She winked. "That's info for you guys. He said they didn't appreciate beauty so they shouldn't be allowed in the homeland."

He opened it to look at, staring at it. "Damn it," he said. "They have others."

"Okay. Can we rescue them? Or can Steve actually rescue them?"

He stared at her. "What?"

"Can Steve and them rescue them? It's kinda what they do."

"I'm not sure if they can be rescued."

"Well, maybe you should check? Is there some way to check?"

"I don't know," he admitted. "I'll..." He grimaced.

"Steve wanted us to suggest that you get a real apartment soon too so call him so he can nag. Clint said there's a few open here in the neighborhood."

He stared at her. "Long meeting?" he guessed.

"Yeah. Very." She smiled, sipping her coffee. "You could use a couch of your own and maybe even a dog? Something to keep you company so you can talk to it? Like a therapist only it licks instead of offering advice?"

He blinked a few times. "What?"

"Therapy dog, Bucky. They're a thing that can help you. Like seeing eye dogs only for those who have issues. Like panic attacks and those sort of things? Or even just for company so you're not always alone on the roof. You can't steal Conor but you're really good with him and I think it'd be great if you had something there to talk to when you're muttering at the knives again."

"You heard that?"

"My window was open for air."

"Oh." He grimaced. "I can't guarantee I'll be here all the time."

"Dogs can travel. We can even get it paperwork as a therapy dog so it can go most places with you."

"I didn't know we had things like that."

"Yeah. You can ask Sam or Steve if you want."

"I...I might do that."

"Cool. Sam seems pretty nice. I'm guessing that's why they tried to marry him off to me."

He stared, mouth open. "They did what?"

"The newest agent plot." She found the forms and pulled them out of her bag, letting him see it. "That's why we had the meeting."

He read them over, shuddering. "Stevie's going to destroy people."

"I'd be more worried about his girlfriend." She smirked at him. "Sharon's not a pussycat, just like her great-aunt Peggy wasn't."

"She's...."

"Yeah. He just found out recently. So he could use the nagging back."

"Yeah, I can do that. Thanks, Darce." He petted Conor since he was being cute to get belly rubs from him. He climbed back out, going to talk to Steve at the tower. He was still probably there. Turns out he was closer in a pizza place with Clint talking about Darcy. He sat down, handing over the letter. "There's therapy dogs?"

"Yeah," Clint agreed with a nod and a grin. "They're there to talk to and all that. You'd have to have a place to live to qualify to get one but yeah. They're really handy for vets. There's a great program that helps vets get them. Sam helps with it."

"That's cool. What if I'm out."

"Darcy might puppysit. She does for the rest of us."

"Including Lucky. I couldn't catch him when he got out earlier to go bark at the ice cream shop until they shooed him off without a treat."

Clint groaned, shaking his head, texting Darcy that he'd be there soon to get his dog. She sent back a picture. "Whoever's playing with her clothes did it again. Lucky's really loving that red nightie." He let the others see it.

"It goes nicely against his fur colors," Steve quipped. He looked at Bucky.

"She told me," he said with a scowl, then an eye roll. "I don't have the chest for her clothes, Steven."

"We could see the beanies and the scarves though," Clint said with a grin.

"Gee, thanks."

"Seeing her in those shorts and that bra top really was better than the beanies," Steve said. Bucky stared at him. "Something she's been doing. Apparently people are going back to the older things like records and pinups."

"She'd make a fine one," he agreed. He swallowed to make sure he wasn't drooling. "I can see that." Damn he could see that. Speaking of...she was parking and getting out. She strolled in all dolled up in a dress and with her hair and makeup done. "You going out?"

"I got invited out to dinner with an old college study buddy." She kissed Clint on the top of the head. "The dog's still on my bed. You know how to get in." She strolled off. "And I fed him already, Clint."

"Thanks." He watched her walk, him and most of the rest of the people in there. "Dayam."

Steve nodded, sipping his drink. "Very."

Bucky swallowed again. "I remember dames like her. They were always fun."

"She could use some fun," Clint told him. "She can't even go out to have fun without worrying about those sort."

"There's no more dance halls," he complained.

"Yeah there are. There's two in Manhattan and one about eighteen blocks from here that also does lessons during the day." Clint gave him a smug look. "I think someone looked that up for Steve."

"They did," he agreed. "I took Sharon last week and I still don't know how to dance." Bucky hit him on the arm. "She led," he said with a grin.

"Sure, you're good at that," Bucky told him, getting a scowl back. He stared back at him. "You let a dame lead?"

"She wanted to."

"That's more reasonable. Some dames gotta be in charge everywhere."

"Sometimes," Clint agreed. He finished that slice of pizza. "I should go rescue the dog before he starts to want nighties to sleep in. You two have fun." He put down money and left.

Bucky shifted to the other seat to stare at Steve. "You were going to nag?"

"I was about to offer you my spare room," he admitted.

"No. I'm...."

Steve patted him on the hand. "I realize that, Bucky. But if I suggest it maybe it'll make you want to get your own place again."

He stared at him. "I'm not a dame, I'm not that complicated. Stop it."

"Sorry." He smiled. "You seem to go in the opposite direction of anything I suggest though." Bucky huffed but got comfortable, eating a slice of pizza while he watched around them. "Bucky, neighborhoods like this, HYDRA would be really dumb to come into," he said quietly. "Because it would mean making another enemy. Those mob guys probably have higher ups they answer to."

"Point, but still not good to let down your guard." He ate another bite. "So, Sharon?"

Steve smiled and pulled out a picture. "She's a dish."

"She is," he agreed, staring at the picture. "Could use some meat on her bones but she's very sweet looking."

"With a meaner right hook than her aunt. We spar sometimes." He gave his buddy a sappy smile. "She can even beat Natasha sometimes."

"That's great." He let Steve talk about his woman. It was good for Steve to finally get all the chicks. Bucky still got plenty of temporary ones when he wanted one but Steve being in puppy love was so cute.

***

Darcy came back from her dinner out limping and with a black eye and a torn sleeve on her sweater. Clint, who was eating cheetos on her couch, stared at her. "Don't ask." She limped into her bedroom. She opened the bedroom window. "Yo, dudes, whoever keeps leaving the skimpy shit on my bed, I'm not that size! Thanks! Haven't been since sixth grade. Also, I hate stalkers. Ask me damn it, not stalk me!" She slammed her window shut and went into the bathroom to clean up and change.

"Darcy, did something like another lizard attack happen?" he called.

"No, rabid fundamentalists did because I dared insult their leader by not wanting his skanky ass," she called back. "I think they were secretly militant Amish people since they complained the dress showed my arms and knees."

Clint sighed, eating another bite of cheeto, looking Conor. "Your human could use a hug." He barked and went to find her to do that. He put up his bag of cheetos and relaxed until she came out carrying the dog and in sweats. "So they attacked you at the restaurant?"

"Yeah. Apparently it's their place. My study buddy was horrified that they came out to nag me for daring to protect myself. He told them that everyone had the right to protect themselves, especially their asses from groping. So one tried to hit me with a hot cast iron plate for fajitas he took off an empty table. I kindly decked him and got the other two but one's elbow got me and they tried to keep me from getting away by grabbing me. The officer that responded to my friend's call glared at me but he saw the videos from other patrons and said I need more self protection training because I fight like a girl." She flopped down, cuddling her dog. "At least you've never been like that, Conor. You're a good boy." He barked and lapped her, making her happier. "Thank you, baby."

"Most guys would've beaten them for you," Clint said.

"He's in a chair, Clint. He can't really hit really hard."

"That sucks. Can I go hit 'em for you?" he asked.

She smiled at him. "I'm pretty sure their new roomies in Rikers will have that fun first. I have to find out what else they run so I don't have to step in there because I think the local bagel shop is their relations."

"That'd suck," he agreed. He patted the seat next to him. She got up and moved to sit next to him so she could cuddle up to his side. "It'll be okay. Rabid idiots like those thankfully aren't breeding as fast as others."

"Some are."

"Yeah but they're in the Midwest. We can give parts of it back to Mexico since they owned it originally. We might even give them interest by a few extra states." She looked up at him. "We'd let the others do a land switch if they didn't want to be given back. The sort that want to live with them would gladly switch out lands."

"That's kinda warped but I love it. Can we give them Oklahoma too?"

"Yeah, I think that'd be great. Into parts of Arkansas or Kansas actually." She laughed, hugging him around the chest. He grinned at her and petted the dog. "You make her very happy, Conor." He settled in their laps to be petted. He was young, fluffy, and cute so he got more petting than the other dogs. "And greedy." She took him back to pet him. He grinned. "You're so stressed."

"Yeah. But it happens."

"How many more shoots do you have to do as a pin up?"

"I kinda like it. It's not smarmy in the least." She looked up at him. "And I look hot."

"You looked super hot," he agreed. "Though airbrushed since you had less waist."

"Skin colored foundation garments for under gowns, Clint."

"Ah." He patted her on the arm, letting her cuddle for now. "Katie?"

"Didn't see her."

"We'll figure it out. What did they want?"

"They gave me a letter for Bucky about others in the same sort of program."

"That totally sucks and he showed it to Steve at the pizza place. So maybe we can rescue them."

"He wasn't so sure that was a good idea," she said quietly.

"It may not be but we'll have to see." She nodded. He let her snuggle in. Kate came in huffy but got his other side with her dog. Lucky ran out to bark at her and Cutey, getting petted too. He took his usual human's lap and snuggled in, though he had dragged that nightie out with him on his tail. Clint looked at the red flimsy thing then took it off his dog and tossed it behind him. "It won't fit you, Lucky. You don't have boobs."

Kate snorted but hugged Clint too. "I hate people."

"I get that," he agreed. "Sometimes people suck."

"Bad date?" Darcy asked. "I got attacked by fundamentalists who think I besmirched their idol by denying him my ass."

Kate looked at her then shook her head. "No, I had lawyers for dinner."

"Are they tasty?" she asked. "I'd ask Brian but he might overshare."

"They nag. Which sucks. Apparently my father had a clause in his will that I wasn't to have kids before college ended. I had to point out twice that the wedding was a fake one and some agent had set it up. They finally took the intel sheets we got and groaned but I told them your lawyer and Stark's law team were working on it. They're calling them tomorrow."

"That could help. We might have to get forceful. Some people will agree it's a good idea to keep you out of spandex."

Clint shook his head. "No, I'd let my wife be on my team so I could make sure she was all right instead of sneaking off."

Kate gave him a squeeze around the middle. "Thanks."

"Welcome, kids." They all got happy with the dogs and Darcy changed the channel to something more boring but funnier. Kate took the remote to change it to something just plain funny and Clint didn't get in that argument. It wasn't his tv so not his remote.

***

Darcy and the others are let into the courtroom for their first hearing on the fake weddings. They're taking up most of the audience area in the courtroom. The agents who had done this stupid idea were on the prosecutor's side of the courtroom with a few supervisors glaring at them. The law team took up all the remaining seats and a few were standing by the table, with one on his walker's seat. The judge walked in and everyone stood. He looked at the group then sighed. "I have seen the petition," he said. "So let's get this started."

"Your Honor, the US thinks that this idea is good for the stability of the country, especially those who go out to fight. They could use the support and understanding people in their lives. It's psychologically been proven so by a few studies. It might lead to less self-destructive, or plainly destructive, behavior."

The judge looked at them then at the other side. "I'm guessing he's done since he sat down. Your turn? And who's in the lead?"

"I am," Brian said with a smile. "I'm Brian Dandiwist, Your Honor. I represent one of the parties involved in this farce." The judge made 'get on with it' hand motions. "We have a few complaints about this plot. One, the people in question did not participate or agree to the marriages. They have also abridged the self will of our clients, most of whom were dating others of their own free will. Third, it's made someone a polygamist and a child molester against his will."

The judge blinked. "There's a what?"

"One of the marriages in question is between an older man, who is early forties, and a seventeen-year-old young woman, Your Honor," he said. "He's also not fully divorced because his ex-wife hasn't signed the papers in three years so they'd have to start the divorce proceedings over."

"That's bad," he decided. "The others?"

"Are very mad, Your Honor. Most of them were dating someone of their own choosing. The government isn't a parent to arrange a marriage and even if we were a society that believed in arranged marriages, they have no legal reason to do so. Psychologically speaking or not, forcing people into a marriage they hate isn't going to make them any more well adjusted or make them any less able to get into spandex to go fight things that tear up this city and other places. It might actually make a few of them snap and go all the way to villains however. Do we really want to provoke that?"

"Your Honor," the other side said, standing up. "I object. They're heros, they'd never do that."

"You'd better hope my client doesn't ever learn engineering," he said smugly. "She's already turning evil thanks to the stupid going on with someone else." He looked at the judge. "Also, Your Honor, this has complicated some things like a few estates. Mr. Stark's family's wills state he is not to marry anyone he hasn't known for more than six months. He's barely met the one they tried to marry him off to. Another one got fired because she was unwillingly put into an interracial marriage and the people she worked with got peeved at that fact. Thankfully she's found another job with some friends. Who were also involved in this mess they made."

"Your Honor, I still object. We did not do that. There's no interracial marriages."

"Bull," America called. "I'm Hispanic. Steve Rogers is a good white boy. Sam's still a black guy, and a great one that helps the community a lot. His newly made wife who he just met two weeks ago at a meeting about this plot isn't. Though she does help the community."

"Were you the one that got fired?" the judge asked. She nodded. "Oh. I see. From what sort of job?"

"Secretarial."

"I see." He made notes, looking at the mass of lawyers. "Was that all your statement?"

"No, Your Honor, we're also adding to the suit for the price of lost wages, pain and suffering since most of them need counseling now, and also making it known they're not suing the *agency*, just the agents who did it." He handed that over with a smug look at the other side. "That will be filed later today."

The judge looked it over, wincing. "That's astronomical."

"Yes but they deserve it for trying to restart slavery, Your Honor. They don't own the people they tried to force together. Since part of their stated plan was to breed them to get later, more complacent, heros," he said, handing that over. "Gotten from someone in another agency, Your Honor. She asked nicely since her boyfriend was suddenly taken from her."

He read it over, grimacing. "That's stupid," he told the other side. He looked at Brian. "Is that all?"

"No, Your Honor. We have three other suits that need to be added on due to a few problems. One's from former Agent Clint Barton for his reputation being ruined for now being a polygamist and a child molester." He handed it over. "One's from Sam Wilson, due to his now suspended job status with the VA as a counselor." He handed that over. "And the third was for loss of stock prices thanks to this messing with Stark International." He handed that over with a grimace. "Mr. Stark is very upset."

"Thankfully the one they put me with is over eighteen," Stark said dryly. "Otherwise I would've already destroyed them for it. Let's face it, I can go evil if I need to."

Darcy poked him on the arm. "That's my job, Tony." She smiled sweetly at him. Even Pepper shuddered at that.

The judge looked at her. "Are you usually in spandex?"

"No. I'm the one that they married Sam Wilson off to." She pointed at Sam. "I've just met him and he seems nice but I'm not marrying anyone and if I'm forced to divorce him for this I'll help him sue them further."

"Who are you, Miss?" the judge asked.

"Darcy DeCriths." The judge blinked, looking alarmed. "I've already heard that the other case is laughing about this, Your Honor. I'm going to add onto mine for added aggravation for that problem as well." She glared at the agents, one of whom backed away from her. She smiled at the judge again. "I keep being told I'm not supposed to be going evil. It's almost imperative right now that I react though."

The judge cleared his throat. "I'm sure it would be."

"Also," she said. "We've found out that they tried to mess in the royal lineage of another realm. They tried to marry Thor off to someone beyond his wife. His *legal* wife he married in the Catskills a few years back."

The judge winced. "So two polygamists?"

"And he's the present King of Asgard, Your Honor," Stark agreed smugly. "So they're messing in that realm and just made a huge diplomatic problem. The two diplomats we have from them have been having fits with the State Department over this insult to their people and their king. They might not like he married a human but this is beyond stupid of them."

The judge sighed. "That's another huge problem." He looked at the agents. "Did you have their permission?"

"We didn't think they'd mind. They do serve humanity."

"I do it by tutoring, not on my back," Darcy said dryly. "I'm busy being evil against the other ones who think I should go onto my back for the world they want. Are you next?"

"Miss DeCriths, please calm down."

"No. I've got enough problems with HYDRA trying to breed me, Your Honor."

"Oh, you're her. All right." He looked at them. "Were any of those marriages performed by someone who can testify that the parties were there and involved?"

"We had them done legally through a federal judge."

"Since when is there a law that states you can marry people off?" another of the lawyers asked. "Outside of one very vague older one in the slave laws."

"Because of the Accords..." another agent started.

"Those were tossed out," the judge said firmly. "That has been all over the news. Mostly due to political pressure."

"It was another attempt to enslave our heros, Your Honor," one of the Stark law team said. "It would have conscripted them and imprisoned any who did not agree. It would have forced them to fight for things they didn't believe in. That is slavery. As is this attempt on their free wills. They *could* quit protecting places like this city and Washington if they so chose."

"I can see how it can be interpreted that way," the judge agreed. He looked at the agents. "Are they still employed?"

"Their hearings are next week, Your Honor," the supervisor said with a grimace. "I've already removed them from my office. This is their new supervisor. He's used to screw ups of this magnitude." He pointed at him.

The judge looked at him. "Are they suspended or fully employed?"

"They're presently on desk suspension while we work through all the legal mess they made, Your Honor."

"Is your agency going along with this?"

"We're being forced to. It's not in our best interests to have this go on." He looked at Darcy. "You could have someone else's child."

"Yes, because I want them to be kidnaped by HYDRA with me so HYDRA can breed me then them later on when they're old enough," she said coldly. "I will take that kid up on his bomb offer and go after them if I have to since *your* people haven't helped any." He flinched back. "*Your* agency apparently has a whole lot of free time on their hands. These ones prove it grandly since they had the free time to think up and implement this plan. How many others are there and are *they* HYDRA as well as you?"

"I am not," he ground out.

"Prove it," she snorted. He glared and stomped over to hit her so she kicked him back. He yelped as her heels cut him. "You guys really love it when women wear stiletto heels. How's that workin' out for ya?" she asked dryly.

"Enough," the judge ordered. "Though I believe she's right, that is assault in my courtroom, Miss DeCriths and I will find you in contempt."

She pulled out her checkbook, making out a check. "Do I make it out to the US Federal Court system or someone else?" she asked. He blinked, gaping in awe at her. She looked at the bailiff, who nodded. She signed it and handed it over. "Let me know if it's more than that. I'll write a second one." He put it in front of the judge. She tucked her checkbook back into her purse while he moaned about it.

"Miss DeCriths, perhaps they put you with a counselor so you can get help?" the judge asked.

"Perhaps they put her with a counselor since she does work with underprivileged teens to help them get their GED's," Sam said firmly. "We're both social do gooder sorts."

"I see. That's fine. That's a good fine payment, Miss DeCriths. Thank you. Is it going to go through?"

She looked at Brian, who nodded. "Her checking account worked this morning when she used it for breakfast, Your Honor. We had to go over the other lawsuit's attempt at stupidness."

"I see." He handed it to the bailiff. "Put that in." He nodded, doing that. He looked at the glaring supervisors. "I agree, from what the press has said, your agency has not helped a single time against HYDRA or anyone of theirs having ideas."

"We're not set up to deal with those freaks!" one of the agents complained.

"Terrorists are *your* jobs," Steve said patiently. "I just have to step in sometimes since no one else is." Darcy leaned forward to pat his shoulder. "Thanks, Darcy."

"You're a good man, Steve. More should be like you." She sat back again.

The judge nodded. "That is true. They are the FBI. That is their job." He glared at them. "Not making up fake marriages." He looked over the information they had handed in. "I find no legal reason allowing them to marry off people against their wills. It's definitely a civil rights violation if nothing else." He looked at the agents then at the law team. "I find in favor of the defendants. I hope you can get things cleared up so we don't need this lawsuit against the agents."

"What's in the press will never fully go away, Your Honor," Kate said simply. "Like being on the internet." He slumped but nodded. "Though we will note this." She glared at the agents. "A lot. I need to learn how to work with political parties anyway so I'm an educated voter." The agents and supervisors all stomped off. She stood up. "Let's go kick them down the courthouse steps before they blame us for having self will." She walked out, followed by Darcy and Pepper, then Clint. There was no way he was letting those three firecrackers out alone.

Kate walked out, putting on her sunglasses. "People," she said. "The judge ruled that they're in violation of civil rights laws. Including the one saying that the government can't own people. Which is the only way that they could marry us off against our will and without our permission."

"Especially since with their wanted marriages they tried to force, it created a few problems for two members, as reported in the press repeatedly," Darcy agreed casually. "He's never touched her. I doubt he would since he's like her big brother."

The reporters ran away from the agents to them to shout questions at them.

Pepper held up a hand, getting quiet. "I'll be making the mass statement in a moment, people. Let the officious oafs leave first so they can be fired in private."

Someone shot at them and Darcy tackled Pepper to get her down out the way. Clint and Kate moved to pull weapons and handle it as the others came out.

"Got 'em," Clint said firmly. "One sniper down."

Steve stomped out, touching his earpiece Sharon had handed him. "Agents are responding. Pepper, you good?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. A bit bruised from the marble steps but I only banged my head a tiny bit when Darcy moved me."

"I got practice with Jane when we were nearly taken out the first time," Darcy quipped, being helped up by Stark, who helped up Pepper to check her over. Darcy smiled. "That's what marriages are supposed to look like, people. That level of caring. Not this bullshit that they tried to force on us against our wills." She walked around Kate. "Let me know if they were aiming for me, people. I'm about to force myself to break out in evil plots."

"Darcy," Clint called. "With the group." She came back. "Too dangerous to have you go home by yourself." She nodded and they left together in a few bulletproof limos thanks to Stark. He tipped his head back once they were all safely inside. "They could've had a backup, Darcy," he said quietly, staring at her.

"Not every bad thing comes for me, Clint. It's possible they were aiming at you or Pepper or Stark."

"It's possible it was some of my father's former friends aiming at me," Kate agreed quietly. "Nice tackle."

"Thanks." She grinned.

Clint stared at her. "Next time, stand behind me or whoever. Leave when the rest of us do or when someone moves you, or you're going to a concealed spot, and don't mouth off afterwards?"

She nodded. "Fine."

"Thank you." He looked at Pepper, who was having a glass of wine. "You good for real?"

"I bumped my head but I'm fine, Clint. Thank you, Darcy."

"Welcome, Pepper. I hope I didn't bruise you too much."

She smiled. "Tony will kiss them better later."

Darcy grinned. "Which is what boyfriends are for."

"Yes it is. We're having lunch if you want to join us."

"Nah. I'm not on the team, Pepper. I'm going to go home to bake and walk with my dog."

"No, stay," Kate ordered.

"Kate, I'm not on the teams. I shouldn't be at team events anymore since I don't work in the labs. I'm a friend of theirs, not an option for team events." She patted her on the hand. "Which is fine with me. I never wanted to be the lady in spandex. Or else I would've worked out a whole lot harder when I was your age." Kate snorted but gave her a look. "Really."

Pepper sighed. "It's a victory lunch, Darcy. It's fine."

"It's not my place, Pepper. Besides, I have to go help ruin those agents by putting this up on social media."

"That's my job," Pepper said smugly.

"Yes, but I belong to a few different social media sites for progressives." She smiled sweetly. "I'm sorry so many of them nag you about Tony."

"They are quite heard all over," Pepper agreed. "You can do that from the office."

"I can do it at home in jammies with my dog trying to get my coffee too." She smiled.

"Point. Fine. You can cab from the tower."

"I can do that."

"Did Lucky get out again?" Clint asked her.

She pulled out her phone to look at her security system. "He's barking from the fire escape on your building and Conor's in my window barking back with Cutey."

Clint shook his head with a sigh. "I've got to figure out how he's doing that."

Darcy held up a hand and let him see the feed. "Cutey figured out the window lock is a pat until it opens one."

He watched and groaned. "That dog's super smart. Conor nudged the window until it tilted for him. Yup, there's Lucky to come play." He handed the phone back with a sigh. "We've got to put another lock on there anyway."

"If it's opened from the inside the shock system won't go off," she said. "But I'm wondering how the mob guy got past it to leave me trashy nighties."

Clint considered it. "I don't know. We'll look at it later." She nodded.

"We do joke that Lucky and Cutey are the furry version of you and Natasha," Kate quipped. "With Conor being like Steve." Darcy grinned.

"He might be the kid between Steve and Tony. He's figured out the fridge lock already," Clint complained. "I had to replace the slide lock with a chain one."

"No, he got that one last night. I came out this morning to find him eating whipped cream. Thankfully he hasn't eaten another sock or a pie. He learned when the medicines made him feel nasty."

"I'm so glad Cutey doesn't chew on things," Kate sighed, shaking her head.

"Definitely," Clint agreed. "I'd never get arrows if Lucky chewed on them."

Pepper smiled at them. "You can see into Darcy's apartment, Clint?"

"Yeah, she's in the next building. My living room looks into her bedroom. The empty one that they had to use to get the bathroom shot of Kate bandaging that injury for you just got rented too," he told them. Both ladies smiled at him.

"I'm about to suggest those punks get taken in as trainees," Darcy said dryly. "They tried again this morning until I kicked one from the stairs. He tripped totally over that fire hydrant and swore at me in Spanish until I made 'talking' hand motions and snorted at his big boy tantrum. Then one of the Bro dudes showed up and he ran like they were going to use that hydrant for him to sit on as practice."

Kate burst out giggling. "I can see them doing that. They're very protective of their neighborhoods."

"It's nice. No one bothers me there," Darcy said dryly. "They all wait until I'm out and about." She leaned against the door, putting her head on the glass with a yawn. "It's already been too long of a day."

Kate yawned. "Stop it, those are contagious."

Clint reached around Darcy to open the window, which didn't. He was tired suddenly too. "No, I don't think that's why." Kate pulled a baton out and broke a window. They all felt better. When they got to the tower, Stark was waiting to have the driver arrested while he helped them out.

Pepper smiled at Tony as he helped her out. "Kate had to break a window because we were all suddenly tired, Tony."

"That's great of her. Thanks, kitten."

"Stark, no pet names," Kate complained. "I'm not your mistress." She helped Darcy out, walking her out to get her a cab. The driver stared at them. Kate smiled. "Can you make sure she gets home?"

Darcy blinked then backed up. "Not him." He sped off in a peel of tires. "Fuck."

"Um," Kate said, looking at the cab then at her. "Why not him?"

"He was one of the bad guys," Clint called. "So you're staying for lunch anyway, right, Darcy?"

"Clint, I wanted to get home and get into jammies."

"Yay. It's not safe." He walked her back inside. "You can be my date."

She elbowed him hard, making him grunt. "We're not dating. I require wooing and you haven't gotten any sort of woo on, even making me coffee."

"Point."

Stark stared at her. "Do you hate us that much, Lewis?"

"It's a team event! I'm not on the teams, Tony."

"So! It's a yay we won party. You won too." He pointed at the elevator. "Go. We even have SHIELD agents fuming upstairs."

"Great," she muttered. Clint and Kate led her up there. She came out into the back of a ranting SHIELD agent. "Wow, I thought the big boy tantrum the punk in my neighborhood threw this morning was impressive," she said snidely. "Yours, so much more drama llama than his."

The agent glared at her. "Miss Lewis," he sneered. "We wanted to talk to you." She pulled her tazer and hit him with it, making him scream. "How dare you!"

"I hate being threatened," she sneered. "I won't be threatened by you. I'd fucking well move, dude. Now. Before I throw you off the balcony."

He got up. "You can't do that."

"The hell I can't." Stark and the others came off the next elevator, while she was hauling him outside by his balls. He was screaming and crying.

Kate looked at Clint. "Are we that sort of good guys?" she sighed.

"No. Steve, he sneered about how he wanted to talk to Darcy so she got him then he threatened her so she's going to throw him off the balcony. I don't think she'll be able to lift him though."

Steve went to get the guy from Darcy to talk to him. Then Steve nearly threw him off the balcony for wanting to arrest her for helping Bucky.

Stark walked out there. "The only one who gets to throw people off my balcony is me, people."

"He wanted to arrest me for helping Bucky," Darcy said with a smile. "Can I zap him again at least?"

"I'd rather you didn't," Coulson said as he came off the elevator. "Miss Lewis, please leave my agent living."

She smiled at him. "Fuck. No. Thank you anyway." She smiled again.

He blinked at her. Okay, this was clearly more serious than an idiot agent problem. "Let's see what his malfunction was. Is he HYDRA, Captain?"

"Not that I'm aware of. He wants to arrest her for helping Bucky." He smirked at the director. "Do you want him back?"

Coulson considered it. "It'll cost some to court marshal him but it would be worth it for the example he'll put up." He called up agents, who came to get that one and arrest him so they could walk him off. He looked at Darcy. "Could you have lifted him?"

"After I hurt him enough he wasn't fighting back."

"He outweighed you. That'd take leverage and you can't do that in those heels," Steve said, walking her back inside. "Until we build an anti-agent catapult."

"They're not that hard to build," Stark told him. "Bruce could probably do it even though he's not an engineer."

"If those guys do it to throw pumpkins it can't be all that hard," Darcy agreed with a smile for Steve.

"They do what?" he asked. She called up past videos of it on youtube so he could see it. "Huh."

"Not held the last few years, there's been a pumpkin shortage," Stark told him. He walked Darcy to the table. "This way you're protected."

"I've got a few more zaps left on the tazer," she said. "Then I'll need to recharge it."

He patted her on the head like a kid. "We've got better weapons." Natasha came up to join them. She hadn't been to the courthouse in case something happened and she had to bust in to rescue them. "Who were they aiming for?"

"Trajectory said Clint," she said blandly. She looked at Darcy. "Nice tackle."

"Thank you. I learned it beating off a wrestler who wanted to grope my boobs."

Clint patted her on the back with a smirk. "That last college of yours was mean, Darcy."

"Hell no, that was at Culver."

Bruce burst out laughing. "The wrestling team was busted for steroid abuse many times," he agreed, going to the kitchen. "Anyone want a drink?"

"Make some coffee please?" Clint called. "Most of us want that all day, Bruce."

"Of course. It's already started," he agreed. He came out with bottles of water, handing Darcy and Pepper ones with a smile. "We're out of tea."

"I'll order some in a bit," Pepper promised.

"Thanks, Bruce." Darcy opened it to sip, looking at the label. "Did he rebottle unfiltered?"

Pepper sipped and grimaced. "It tastes like city water." She took it to go look in the fridge. "This really isn't spring water."

Coulson took it to look at and sniff. "Smells like chemicals." Bruce took it to run in the lab while the rest of them settled in to talk and get ready for lunch. Coulson made sure the catered food was tested before it was brought up. He didn't want the team drugged, just sane. Those drugs probably wouldn't do that so they were bad drugs.

***

Darcy made it home to find the dogs had all crapped in the bathroom but it was nice they had tried to cover it up with the bath rug. She grabbed leashes, she always had a few spare just in case someone like Kate forgot hers again, and took them out to crap in the appropriate places. They happily peed on things all the way to the park and most of the way back too. Clint came over after getting changed and they met him carrying down the trash. "Bathroom?" she guessed.

"Yup. Sorry. I'll buy you a new bath mat."

"Thanks." She let him have the dogs so they could run him up the stairs instead of her. Her feet hurt. She followed, humming happily. She could finish cleaning up that mess once she changed. She found Kate doing it and hugged her. "Thanks. I'm getting naked for a few minutes."

"Not like I haven't seen breasts, Darcy," she said dryly.

"I've seen hers and they're fantastic and all but it's fine," Clint quipped, taking the dogs back to the living room. "Barnes," he bellowed without opening the window. He came in and the dogs pounced him. "Sorry it took so long. We had lunch."

"It's fine. I didn't expect anything." Clint pointed at the take out container. He smiled and got it to eat. The dogs barely begged, Cutey tried laying across his lap belly up while pouting at him, but he ignored them. He was good at ignoring pouting dogs. Someone knocked. "Do we know them?" he asked, putting his fork down and closing the box.

Clint looked out then nodded. "It's Sam Wilson and Stark." Darcy shut her bedroom door, making Clint grin. He opened the apartment door, letting them in. "The dogs are friendly. Lucky, this is Sam. He flies." Lucky came over to sniff them and when he woofed pleasantly the others came over to sniff and woof at them, and try to lap Tony since Lucky was.

Tony put the dog back onto the floor. "Easy. I don't want Pepper to have to give me a bath when I get home." He checked the hall then closed the door. Steve knocked a minute later and got let in. "So we're all here. Lewis, did you take a nap?" he called.

"I'm cleaning the cut on her side," Kate called. "I just saw it when she was getting changed."

"I'm sending you to medical school," Stark called back, looking at Clint, who shrugged.

Darcy and Kate came out, Darcy straightening out the t-shirt she had just pulled on. "Park. Lucky pulled me into that ugly statue. Again."

Clint shook his head. "Sorry."

"It's okay. Apparently that statue's his bitch with the way he was trying to hump it." She flopped down. "Eat, James. Don't make me nag. It's underused and might be rusty but the judge decided I should have kids soon so I'll have to practice moming you

Tony looked at her. "Are you still disgruntled."

"I yelled at her for getting hurt again," Kate admitted. "It's the third time this month."

"Those were not my fault, Kate."

"Punks with an air rifle aren't her fault," Clint agreed. "Or the other one." She nodded. "Are you tutoring tonight?"

"Yeah, I'll show up and be there if anyone shows up, or an hour if not." She looked at him. "Why are you still standing?"

"No seats." She pointed at the empty-of-humans one. He moved Lucky and Conor, making them groan but hop into his lap to nap on him instead. "Fine." He petted them both. At least until someone broke a window in the kitchen and then he hopped up with the dogs going with him to see what happened.

"Conor, away from the broken stuff," she called. "You can bark from farther away. You too, Lucky. No broken glass for dogs." They backed up.

Clint looked down then at her. "Are you a dog whisperer? If not, how did you do that?" He pointed at the patiently waiting to bark dogs.

"Training," she said with a smirk. "Who is it this time?"

"Don't know. They just threw a rock," Clint said. He picked it up. "No note at least." He looked out there and threw it back, hitting the little punk who was getting ready to throw another one. "Make me get my damn bow and come down there, boys," he called. They ran off and one of the mob guys ran his car into them. "Well, I don't think we'll have a huge problem anymore."

Darcy came over to look out the window, sitting on the window sill. "They broke my window," she called. "With a rock because they're cheesy little boys. Can't you teach them better?"

The guys smiled up at her and waved. "Of course we can."

She smiled. "They seem like they have too much free time. Want one of my GED study manual systems for them?"

"Maybe next week. When they learn to respect some crazy people like you, Cookie Lady," he called with a wave.

She laughed. "My name's Darcy."

"That's sweet. Go back inside so the dogs don't help." She rolled her eyes but got helped over the glass by Clint, taking the dogs with her.

Clint looked down there. "They're annoying. Do something about before she has to become creative."

"We've got it, Bro," they called.

"Thanks." He pulled the curtains and Kate handed him the broom. "Why am I cleaning? I cleaned earlier and this isn't a mess my dog did."

Darcy got on slippers so she could come clean it up. "Make sure there's no glass in anything near it," she ordered. They looked in various pots, pans, and in the stove's burners. No glass so that was good. She cleaned it up and used her swiffer mop to make sure there weren't any tiny pieces to catch in paws either. Then she came back to flop down.

Stark looked at her then at Clint. "Many problems?" he quipped.

"Not really."

"You could come back to the tower."

Darcy looked at him. "Outside of them buying me lingerie that doesn't fit and I'd look trashy in, it's actually pretty safe here," she said.

Steve looked at her. "That doesn't worry you?"

"Yes and I told them to stop it again earlier. I'm going to have to give it to Lucky since he likes it so much."

Steve blinked then nodded slowly. "Sure. I'm sure Clint can give it to a girlfriend or something."

"No, Lucky thinks it's soft so he naps on it," Clint said. "Once it gets dog fur it's not ever going to get unfurred."

Darcy nodded. "I found that out about a few of my skirts Conor napped on after I took them off."

"That's so weird," Stark muttered.

"Life with dogs," Darcy quipped.

Bucky shook his head but finished with his food, tossing out the container and putting the fork into the sink since he wasn't sure if the dishwasher was full of clean or dirty dishes.

"It's all dirty and waiting, Bucky," Darcy called. He put his fork in there and got a drink, coming back out. The dogs followed him into the kitchen and back out to sit on him now that he was done eating. Darcy smiled, taking a picture. Steve took one too with a grin. Bucky glared at him. "You're adorable as a pet parent. That's why you should look at a companion animal."

"Maybe," he grunted.

"I work with the people who help train them," Sam offered. "I can introduce you."

"He's got to manage housing first," Steve told him. "He's been protecting Darcy and Clint from the roof."

"I have a tiny hole," he admitted. "Nothing great."

Clint pointed behind him. "Two buildings up and across the street so relatively good sight lines. Sixth floor has one open on the street side. It's a grand a month but it's a full one bedroom with a nook for a desk."

Bucky considered it. "That's cheaper than my hole in the wall."

"Breda, the girlfriend of that purple wearing mob guy, owns it," Clint told him. Bucky nodded he'd talk to her tomorrow. Darcy smiled at him. "We did good finding you one."

"Now I need one," Kate reminded him.

"Downstairs, second floor," Darcy said with a point. "One bedroom, tiny but not too tiny. Decent enough kitchen."

"Yeah, that might be nice," she decided. "Or I'm looking at a loft space in SoHo."

Clint looked at her. "I didn't think you were that trendy, Kate."

"I'm not but it's cheap to buy. With an option for the building so I can become a landlord and make more money."

"You have to be eighteen, even emancipated," Stark told her. "I had that problem when my parents died, Kate."

"Crap. So I'll look downstairs and consider that one for a later option. The house is officially listed as of tomorrow."

"Are you in grief counseling?" Sam asked her gently.

"No, I'm in hitting a heavy bag counseling," she admitted. "It works better than crying on anyone but Darcy sometimes. Who will feed my future addiction to brownies whenever I'm sobbing over stuff."

Sam smiled. "I get that, Kate."

"Thanks."

"Not everyone does good with talking about stuff. They tend to talk around stuff like Stark does or just pound it out like you're doing." He looked at Darcy.

"No, I had a few meetings with the liquor and the ice cream fairies but I also had exams. I wasn't about to flunk out of college. Someone would've come back from the dead to kick my ass if I had flunked out."

"I can see how a goal motivates," Kate agreed. "I need to graduate high school."

"You need a lot more than that," Stark quipped. "College."

"Columbia," she said with a point behind her. Then she smiled. "Already enrolled for my freshman semester."

"Good. Engineering?" he asked hopefully.

"Not sure yet."

"Medical school," Steve suggested.

"Eww, insides, to quote." She grinned. "They're nasty in there."

"True," Stark agreed. "That's why I didn't go into medicine. Though I have people that work on medical tech stuff."

Kate shifted to look at him. "Usually I'm called Clint and his ex-wife's kid," she said dryly. "Instead of his and yours, Stark." Stark smirked at her. Clint was groaning again. That's why Cutey got up to lap him until he cuddled her. Kate grinned at her dog. "I taught her that."

"Did you teach her not to do that with other groans?" Darcy asked. "I had to teach Conor not to come up to check on me groaning sometimes."

She blinked. "I hadn't even thought about that. Me groaning in pleasure would wake them up to mommy protect, huh?"

Clint looked at her, nodding quickly. "I've looked down a few times to find a confused muzzle staring from the foot of the bed. Freaked out a few dates too."

Darcy laughed. "Conor hasn't had that training yet but I'd close the door on him anyway."

Kate shook her head. "That's sad, Darcy. You're in your prime. You should be out having fun."

"You're in your prime, Kate. I'm approaching thirty in a few more years. I get the club whores sneering at me now because I'm old."

"They're only in it for the sperm count," she shot back sarcastically. "Who cares if they're able to think, Darcy. We should go club."

"We can go again. I promise we can." She looked at the clock above the tv. "I've got to hit the library soon so maybe afterward?"

"Sure. Go get less dressed down." Darcy went to dress in jeans and a t-shirt, plus scarves and a jacket. Conor lifted his head to bark at his mistress. "She's going to the library, Conor. You know you can't go." He whined so his human petted him before leaving for a few hours. Kate patted her lap, letting Conor hop up onto her. Of course, Cutey followed and huffed at him being in her spot. Conor lapped her and let her curl up against his warm belly fur instead. Kate petted them both.

Clint smiled. "You're good with her, Kate."

"Thanks. She's my first real pet." She shrugged a bit. "I'm taking tips though."

"Ask when you need some," he said dryly. "If I can't figure it out, Darce probably can."

"Probably." Darcy got shoved back into the apartment and the mob guy slammed the door shut. "They don't like you tutoring?"

She sighed. "Douchebros outside having a meeting on the front step." She climbed out the window to the fire escape and hopped over to Clint's building's fire escape so she could go that way instead. She shook her head as she headed for her car. "Some of us have things to do tonight," she said dryly when they glared at her. "If you don't like me being here, get off my stoop. Before I buy the building and invite hipsters." They quit glaring. They had seen hipsters and that wasn't good for their area of the city.

Clint leaned out the door a few minutes later. "Guys, she has tutoring tonight," he said patiently. They glared at him too. "Watch me go find weapons." They fled. "Use a different stoop, and have Breda sit outside tomorrow. I know someone who might want that apartment."

"Anyone good?" one of the local boys asked, looking disturbed.

"Bucky." He pointed at the roof with a grin.

"Oh, the one armed scary guy. Yeah, he'd protect the area. Him, you, Cookie Lady, and the little you." He walked off shaking his head.

"Cookie lady?" one of the other guys asked him.

"That one that just walked past with the tazer? She makes cookies for thank you presents."

"Huh. That's gotta be nice," he said. "She must really appreciate it."

"All but the trashy nighties that keep getting left for her," Clint called. "She's given them to Lucky since they won't fit her and she's not dating. She only wears stuff like that for the ones she's dating." He went back inside.

"Pity," one of the younger guys sighed. "I would've liked to have seen that on her."

"Wouldn't fit her anyway," another one said. "She's stacked under those bulky sweaters and scarves." They all nodded and sighed. "I want to see her in that redhead's catsuit some day." His buddies elbowed him but he grinned. "You can't tell me it wouldn't be great."

"She said she's doing some pinup work," another one said. "Not sure why but I bet she looks hot." They looked those up on their phones. One found a few and shared it with the others. They all could appreciate that.

***

Clint got a text that night from someone unknown. It was 'come outside to get this'. So he put on shoes and went outside with the dog following behind him. A car stopped and someone got out, nodding at him. "What?" Clint demanded. "It's three in the morning."

"We had to raid a club and used knock out gas," the other agent told him. He had been SHIELD, they knew each other. Clint was scowling. "We raided the club because there were a few bigger names in there, Barton. One of them was dancing with your neighbor friend and your protege. Want them?"

"Please." He came down to look at them. "Just the standard gas?"

"Yeah. The fast acting one we came up with and started to use before the battle in DC. Any idea how your neighbor would know this person?" He held up a picture.

He looked. "He took her out a few times when she was in Chicago. I told her who he was and they talked about it but he's nice enough to not want to change the world with genocide and he agreed her charity work was a great thing." The agent gaped in awe at him. "She's sweet and motherly. She bakes, guys." They sighed but nodded. "That's Fosters' former intern Lewis." That got a groan but a nod of understanding. "Kate was dancing with them?"

"We saw her moving away from her other partner to dance with them."

"Was it one of her teammates?"

"It was a slimey wannabe Ogden brother. He's with that whole douche patrol as Lewis once called them."

"Ah, them. Yeah, they like Katie and she hates them back. Any of her teammates there?"

"Not that we noticed," the driver said. "Most of them were just people being happy. We didn't even want that guy, we wanted the warlord in the back. When that guy found out, and was only half gassed thanks to Lewis' scarf, we told him we weren't there for him and he went off on that guy. Apparently they're enemies. He ordered that we remove Lewis and her friend. The supervising handler agreed it was a good idea."

"May?" he guessed.

"Your ex," he said with a smirk.

"Tell her I said hi." He lifted Kate out with a groan. "You've turned into a cat, Kate." He carried her up and came back for Darcy, putting them together in his bed while he napped on the couch. The agents left and Clint got comfortable. The ladies could be confused in the morning. He really needed to talk to Darcy about her dates.

***

Scott Lang finally made it home and found his ex-wife was asleep. His daughter was making a milkshake in the kitchen. He went in to talk to her. "So," he said. "We should probably have a dad/daughter talk."

She looked up from pouring chocolate sauce into the shaker. "You already told me about boys and sex, Dad."

He stared at her. "Yeah, that's not what we need to talk about. Worked out really hard today?" She blanched, flinching back away from him. "We're going to be having a lot of talks about this, Cassie," he said quietly. "I'm not sure if I'm proud that you want to make a difference this way or if I'm mad you're wanting to take my suit if I fall."

She shrugged some, going back to her milkshake making. "Did Bishop nark?"

"No. She didn't mention you at all when we had a both team meeting. We got into a talk about second gen heros and about how you were in training for something. She winced when someone else mentioned you training." He hugged her. "I understand the urge," he said, staring down at her. "You're too damn young."

"I'm not that little!"

"Even if I fell tomorrow, no one would help you get my suit until you were at least sixteen."

"So I have a few years to train."

He made her look up at him. "That's why we'll be talking, daughter. So you know what it's like. There's plenty of ways to make a difference. This isn't the only one." She grimaced. "If you're still too set on that path, you're going to tell your own mother. I don't want to be hit." She nodded, sighing and hugging him. "I understand it. I really do. But there's plenty of horrible things out there I don't want you to have to see. It's a dad thing. Beyond that, still too young."

"I'm only in track and field training and martial arts, Dad. That way I can beat boys off my fabulous butt."

"Good. That I can approve of. The end goal...I'd rather you be a nurse or a doctor or a social worker. Anything but a hero."

She nodded. "That may matter some day. Right now I'm just doing track and field." She looked up at him.

He kissed her on the forehead. "Okay. I'll accept that lie but you tell your mother."

"She drives me to the gym, Dad."

"I doubt she knows why she drives you to the gym, Cassie."

"Maybe. Mom's pretty darn smart."

"Yeah. And you inherited that." He smiled at her. "Go to bed. It's too late for homework." She sighed but took her shaker of milkshake in the making up there to read in bed with it. Scott made his own and crashed on the couch with a sigh of displeasure. His daughter was stubborn. Maybe he'd introduce her to Darcy's methods so she could become a science intern or something. It might be safer, as long as she didn't work in Stark's pyrotechnic lab. He really had to quit blowing up the labs some day soon.

***

Darcy woke up and blinked at the head cuddled on her chest, petting it gently. "Kate?" she asked quietly. "What the fuck?" she asked when the girl blinked up at her.

"No offense, but you're not the one I wanted to wake up with this morning," she said dryly. She sat up and they looked around then at themselves. "Somehow we got from the club to Clint's place." Lucky bounded in to lap them both. "Hey! Not had coffee yet, Lucky!"

"No caffeine for six hours after that gas is administered or you'll be vomiting up your toenails," Clint called from somewhere.

"Gas?" Kate and Darcy demanded together.

Clint came to lean in the doorway, sipping his cup of coffee with a smirk. "SHIELD wanted the warlord in the back. They gassed the whole club and found you two there, dancing with a warlord wannabe."

"Who isn't that bad of a guy," Darcy reminded him.

"I told 'em," he promised smugly. "He wasn't passing out and went to beat his nemesis in the back room for them anyway." He took another drink. "It's only been five hours so you've got an hour before coffee time, ladies."

Darcy looked down her top then at Kate, who looked down her own then around. She found Darcy's bra to hand over. "Thanks."

"That was all you two," Clint said, walking off. "But it was probably cute. Thankfully I was on the couch."

"Thank you, Clint," Darcy called. She put on the bra and got up, heading out. She gave him a quick hug. "Let me go shower and take my dog out." She did the short walk of shame this time. The guys outside all stared at her. "SHIELD got me out of a club by knocking us all out," she complained to one. "Clint got me handed to him."

One of them watched her ass walk, head tipping to the side until someone punched him. "Quit staring at her ass," Bucky ordered. "Darcy, you okay?" he called with a smirk.

She flipped him off with an evil grimace. "Not yet. I can't have coffee for an hour." She trudged up the stairs to get her dog, who was barking before she got to the door. She stared at the guy on her rug, then up at the ceiling. She sighed. "Go get Bucky," she ordered with a point. "He's outside." Conor ran off to find his petting buddy, who carried him back with a sigh. She pointed. He looked then groaned. "I have no clue. I woke up on Clint's bed with Kate cuddling me."

Bucky walked over to look at the guy, nudging him with a boot toe. The guy moaned. "He probably needs a paramedic."

"I'm going to shower. If they pick him up, great. If not, we can throw him out the window later." She went into the bathroom with a sigh. Conor followed to get his rightful petting. She hadn't gotten to pet him enough last night. He even followed her into her shower so he got a bath and petting.

Bucky looked that way then called it in. "Steve, one of the SHIELD agents that brought Darcy back last night fell through her roof. Yeah, that's what I said. No, alive but groaning. Thanks." He hung up with a grimace. "Should I tell you that you've disappointed Captain America? We all hate that disappointed look he gives us, kid."

Clint walked in. "I saw him fall about four. Lucky started to bark about him being up on the roof so I got up to look."

"That's good to know. Were they cute?" Clint showed off photos. "Aww."

"Kate got Darcy's bra off somehow," he said quietly.

"Huh. Must've been nice then."

"No, nothing happened."

"Kate's got skills then." The paramedics rushed up. "He fell through the ceiling." He pointed up.

"Are you the person who lives here?" Bucky pointed at the shower. "Did she see him fall?"

"He fell about four," Clint said. "My dog was barking at him being on the roof so I got up to look. He's a SHIELD agent."

"All right." They checked him over and took him off while an officer took a statement. Darcy came out in a pair of sweats and a sports bra, making Bucky look away before he stared.

Clint looked at her. "Will that work if we make you jog?"

"Only if I get three," she said dryly, wiping the water out of her hair. She sat on the bed with her hair dryer. "C'mon, Conor." He rushed out to get more petting and playing the air game with the mommy. She was neat to him and that blowy machine was great fun.

Clint took film of it, making Darcy shoot him a dirty look but it was cute. He even sent it to Stark. "Stark said you've lost weight. He's going to buy you a nagging assistant like you used to be."

She glared at him. "Why did you share that with Stark?"

"Because it's cute," he said with a smile. "The dog's very cute." She huffed but finished drying her hair and the dog's fur. Then she cuddled him because he pounced. Clint had gotten pictures of that too. Bucky was trying not to smile.

She looked at her dog. "Want me to put on a shirt so we can go to the park?" Conor set up barking and bouncing around the bed. "Okay! Let me up!" He got off her and she grabbed a t-shirt and some sneakers, putting them on while he nudged her back with his nose to make her move. "I know, you're herding me like you would sheep. That's a great thing, baby." She got his leash and they walked off together. Cutey came out from under the couch, proudly carrying her piece of tactical suit she had ripped off the interloper who broke in. She smiled down at her. "That was a great job, Cutey. You got the bad guy." She petted her and got her leashed, taking them both to the park.

Clint looked at the fabric then at Bucky. "Where did she get him?"

"Hopefully on the ass for being so stupid." He walked off with a sigh. "You can tell their bosses."

"May should be here sometime." He locked up Darcy's apartment, taking her keys and phone since she hadn't. He ran into someone he knew outside. "Bobbi," he said quietly. "Darcy, come get your keys and phone," he called.

She came back to get them, smiling at the pretty blonde lady. "Hey. I'm Darcy." She shook her hand. "Let me take mine and Kate's dog to the park. Lucky, come for walkies!" she yelled. The dog ran down the stairs and to them, carrying his leash that Kate had clipped on for him. "Good boy to bring the leash to the Darcy." She walked off with them.

Clint looked at their back then shook his head with a sigh. "She's my puppysitter," he told his ex-wife.

She smiled. "I've seen that." She grinned. "Are you okay?"

"I'm good. Thank your team for bringing them home."

"It's not a problem. We had to get them out of there before someone else tried something stupid."

"Would that be the guy that fell through her roof?"

"Yeah," she admitted with a nod. "It probably was." She looked him over then at the girl coming out of Clint's building. "That's interesting."

"Kate." She came over. "Kate Bishop, this is Bobbi Morse. Mockingbird."

She smiled and shook her hand. "I'm Kate, Clint's protege and the other Hawkeye, though a few have called me Hawkingbird because I use hand weapons as well as a bow."

Bobbi smiled at her. "I've heard that rumor."

Kate smiled at her. "We have to keep shooting back at the 'girl' Hawkeye and 'Hawkguy' stuff too. Are you here to talk to him? I can go find my dog to take for a walk."

"Park, with mine," Clint said dryly with a point. "With Darcy."

"That's sweet of her."

"One of the agents that brought you back fell through her roof."

"Awww, peeping agents," Kate said dryly. "How very kind. I should kick his ass for her." She shook her head, smiling at Bobbi again. "I'll let you two have awkward former lover talking time. I don't need to know how to do that yet since I've only dated for dick." She walked off.

Bobbi blinked then at him. "Yeah, I can see why they think she's our kid," she decided. "And why the FBI thought you two should be together."

Clint grimaced but nodded. "Yeah, that sucked majorly. She hits nearly as hard as you do and it's been a bad year for her."

"That happens, Clint. Are you all right?"

"I'm good. Wanna come up for coffee?" He pointed. "Or sit?"

"I can do that." She followed him to sit and talk to him. They hadn't gotten to talk for a while. She saw the obvious idiot sort staring at them and flipped her hair back, which showed her SHIELD patch on her shoulder. They casually strolled off looking like they had no idea about anything. She looked at him, getting a shrug back. She saw Darcy jogging up the street with the dogs. Clint was following her movements. "Are we perhaps needing those papers signed sooner?"

"Darcy doesn't jog," he said quietly, getting up. Lucky ran over with his piece of bad guy uniform. "Aw, shit. Darcy!" he called. "Which one?"

"AIM or whoever those rad suit wearing idiots are. One of the younger guys in the neighborhood just pounced one for me and nearly got killed by the laser. Kate told me to evacuate the dogs."

"Great. Go get my bow for me." She nodded, jogging up his stairs with the dogs. He patted his dog as he walked past. And Cutey and Conor when they paused. "You guys did good protecting the Darcy human." They ran up after her. She came down without the dogs and with his bow and quiver. "Thanks. You okay?"

"I heard a shout, turned, and found Lucky had pounced one and ripped his suit." She pushed her hair off her forehead. "Kate said she could handle them. No one's called the cops though."

He nodded. "You sit here and talk to Bobbi about last night at the club. Let me handle that."

"I am an agent," Bobbi reminded him, standing up. "I can handle AIM."

"With your luck, they'd want to breed you to Rogers," he said dryly.

"Carter would forgive me for that if it wasn't our doing," she shot back. Kate came jogging their way. "Is that a bad thing?"

"Yup." He opened his bow and knocked an arrow back. "Kate, down," he ordered. She slid down and he shot the one after her. "That's HYDRA. Bucky?" he called. He hopped off the top of Darcy's building on top of a HYDRA guy. Kate and Clint went at them while Bobbi joined in. Darcy looked and got one with a trash can lid when one got near her.

Another one rushed at her from the other side and she kicked him then hit him with the same trash can lid. He batted it aside and she punched him, which made her stumble off the stairs but she kicked him in the nuts and then bit and hit him when he tried to grab her. He went down whining. Bucky shot that one for her, making her smile. Clint looked then at her. "Go upstairs with the dogs," Clint ordered. She ran up the stairs. He saw her heading across the buildings to her safe room and nodded. "Good." He looked at Bucky. "Hey. This is Bobbi Morse. A great SHIELD agent and my ex."

"Ma'am," he said with a nod. "Bishop, you injured?"

"Just when I slid." She dusted herself off, looking at her scraped knees and hands. She shrugged. "I've got neosporin and if I don't, Darcy usually does." One of the idiots got up so she stomped on his head. "Stay down!" He passed out. She huffed, pushing her hair back. "It's too early for this. I haven't even had coffee thanks to that stupid gas." She walked off grimacing.

"Darcy hit her safe room. Check my place," Clint ordered.

"Sure. I'm stealing your coffee."

"That's fine." He looked around. "By now the NYPD should've been here," he muttered.

Morse called it in. "SHIELD agents said they had it," she said with a grimace. "I'm going to yell at someone."

He grinned. "You're turning into Phil."

"I noticed. But I smile more and have better hair." He laughed, giving her a quick hug. "Do we have rope?"

Bucky texted Darcy's phone, getting some thrown out a window. "Yup." He picked it up and brought it back. "Fell in the dumpster though."

"We've seen and smelled worse as SHIELD agents," Bobbi admitted. SUV's showed up and she nodded at her people. "Decided to attack a park. Then the nice people who live here."

They stared and nodded, picking up the idiots. "We'll take them to the jail for evaluation and then questioning, ma'am," one said.

The other agents that showed up tried to butt in but one of the SHIELD agents pointed. "That's our director, go talk to him. They attacked SHIELD people."

"They attacked civilians," Clint admitted. "Former and current SHIELD people just jumped in since we live here." The agent smirked at him. "They're mad about that gas by the way."

"Sorry but safer for everyone. We even got the one out of the ER that fell through her ceiling."

"Why did a SHIELD agent fall through a ceiling?" Phil Coulson asked patiently.

"He fell through Darcy's ceiling," Kate said as she came back, handing over mugs of coffee to Clint and Bobbi. Bobbi gave her an odd look. "I'm learning from Darcy," she quipped. She handed Bucky the bottle of water in her pocket and the power bar. He grunted and nodded, eating them efficiently. Kate sipped her coffee. "So, are these the guys that're trying to knock up Darcy or another group?"

Phil looked. "I don't know yet. We'll find that out in a while and let her know."

Clint looked at Kate. "Your dog bit the falling guy hard enough she got some of his uniform."

"Awww, that's so sweet of my baby. I'll have to reward Cutey later for protecting them that way." She smiled as she sipped. "This would make a kick ass coffee commercial."

Bobbi burst out laughing, nodding some. "Yeah, I can see why they think you're our kid, Kate." She punched her on the arm, getting one back with a wicked grin.

"Is the Cookie Lady all right?" one of the younger mob guys called from the pizza place's doorway.

"She's fine," Clint called. "Safely upstairs." The guy nodded. "With the dogs."

"Good. We'd hate to see her have to tase someone again. She's getting meaner."

"Yeah, those sort won't stop," Clint said with a shrug. "If they would, it'd be nice."

"If we see 'em, Bro, they'll be stopped," another one called from inside the pizza place. "We don't want their sort here, bro."

"Thanks, guys. She'd say the same thing," Kate said, smiling at them. Someone came rushing at them, one of the little punks. She hopped up to kick him in the face and then landed, sipping her coffee again. "Idiot."

Phil blinked at her. "Very nice, Miss Bishop." She smiled, walking off with her coffee. He looked at Clint. "Is she willing to be recruited?"

"College first and she's on a team."

"Pity. I'd love to see her with our training as well."

"I've given her what I could," Clint said dryly.

Phil nodded. "That's excellent of you. Any luck in getting Lewis to train?"

"I didn't know I was supposed to be training her." They heard someone shriek in aggravation and then a person went flying out a window. "That was only the third floor." An agent went to look and came back. "Miss Maisy's daughter's boyfriend?" he guessed.

"Yes, sir. Apparently he was rude."

"Yeah, Miss Maisy insists on manners near her or she will put you in the ICU with her cane." He took another gulp of coffee. Miss Maisy stomped out wearing a flowered housedress, her white hair wrapped up in a turbie twist wrap, and her pale, old, white skin looked fragile this morning. "Miss Maisy, we're sorry if we got too loud and woke you up."

"No, Clint. You know I'm up real early." She stared at him. "You didn't wake me or Miss Elizabeth up. Though she doesn't like that Darcy calls for your dog sometimes."

He smiled. "It's nice of her to walk Lucky for me when I'm busy. I'll tell her to apologize."

"Good boy." Miss Elizabeth came out. She was the mirror image of Miss Maisy only darker skinned and wearing a different housedress. "That punk boy out here? He should've hit by now."

"The agents took him," Clint said with a smile. "Miss Elizabeth, Darcy's really sorry if she woke you up this morning."

She looked at him and snorted. "Girl could use more loud time. Don't know why she was thumping around last night but she needs more loud time."

"Someone fell through her roof," Clint told her with a grin.

"Oh, dear Lord," she complained. "That girl has so much trouble! A good lover would fix that."

Clint nodded. "Those ones want to breed her."

"I didn't say she needed a man. There's plenty of lovin' without a dick," Miss Elizabeth told him.

He grinned. "I've seen that." She snorted but swatted at him. "Tell us if we get annoying, we'll be quieter."

"Conor's the sweetest dog," Miss Maisy told him. "He and Lucky went to steal newspapers for us again this morning with that tiny dog watching for people."

"That tiny one's name is Cutey and she's Kate's," Clint said with a smile. "How did they get out of Darcy's apartment?"

"The fire escape, same as usual," Miss Maisy said dryly. "Left them on our windowsills with a few dead mice even."

Miss Elizabeth shook her head. "Could've done without the mice actually but it was sweet of them."

"We'll talk to the dogs about stealing," Clint promised with a smile.

"Good. They're good dogs." They went back inside holding hands.

Clint smiled at Phil and Bobbi. "They've been here since the sixties."

"Wow," Phil said. "Very long term so they must remember the neighborhood when it wasn't as popular."

Clint nodded. "They're really nice ladies who watched Lucky a few times before Darcy moved in."

"Very nice of them," Phil agreed. He watched the remains of the clean up. The FBI agents were complaining to their bosses but they were also in handcuffs. He looked at an agent then at the tied up ones then back at his.

"They were in the way, Sir. Didn't want them to get hurt." He walked off before someone yelled at him.

"I used to tie those sort up," Clint quipped, cracking Bobbi up again. "It worked."

"Many times," Phil said dryly. "And so did the extra four pages of paperwork."

Clint shrugged and smiled. "At least we don't have to do paperwork as Avengers." He winked at Bobbi. "Want more coffee?"

"Sure." She went with him up to his place. Coulson went to check on Darcy. She wouldn't answer the door and he could hear the dogs barking faintly so they must still be in the safe room.

***

Darcy walked out and over to Clint's apartment building, nodding at the neighbors who smiled at her. She knocked on Clint's door, holding up the email. "Stop me before I take them up on it and use it to send to those idiots?" she asked politely, smiling at his ex-wife. "Hi."

Clint took the email to read then looked at her. "You'd look horrible in prison orange," he said bluntly. "Same kid?"

"No idea." She shrugged but smiled. "Can't I send it to the people who want me to sex up Bucky and be an unwed mother?"

He blinked at her. "Let me do it instead, Darce."

"Fine. Can you come get the one I locked in the closet then? Before I torture him? Bucky's not on the roof and 911 said that they'd come stop me from kidnaping him."

He nodded. "Sure. Was he AIM?"

"No clue. He came in through the roof hole's tarp and had a huge needle and said now I'd finally fulfill my destiny to give them better future soldiers." She shrugged but smiled. "Conor bit him. I hit him when he tried to hit my dog. I'm really tired of them and I'm about to ask Stark if I can borrow a bomb or three."

"We'd do it easier and he'd actually give us stuff," Clint said dryly. "C'mon, I'll come get your bad guy." She nodded, walking off. He grinned at his ex-wife. "Wanna help?"

"I don't want to do a report tonight but I'll help subdue him."

"Sure." He showed her the faster way over the buildings and down the roof access, getting Darcy's door open. Conor came over to bark at them. "Hey! Calm down! She's a nice lady who can pet too, Conor." Conor stopped to stare at him then sniffed this new lady. He gave her a friendly woof when she put a hand down for him to sniff and petted him. "This is Conor, one 'n', from the Irish myth. We thought Darcy might need a guard dog."

"He looks like he's a really good one." She got out of Darcy's way. She opened a closet door and pointed. Conor barked at the guy in there, growling like he was Cujo. "Hmm. No suit so not AIM probably," she said. "Who are you?"

"I don't answer to ones such as you," he sneered.

She smirked. "I'm a senior agent. You will or I'll throw you off the roof."

He glared. "You're nothing." Darcy shot her tazer's spikes at him, making him scream.

Clint opened the door when someone pounded. "Sorry, Miss Elizabeth, but this guy broke in to try to kidnap Darcy. She just tazed him for being an asshole." He let her see. "We're trying to figure out who to hand him to."

She stared at Darcy. "Why do they want you?"

"You've seen the guy that has the metal arm? HYDRA, and now AIM took it over, wants me to have his kids so they can have future super soldiers," she said dryly, shocking him again when he tried to move. Conor barked more happily and wagged his tail. "You're so good, baby," she cooed, giving him a puppy treat. "You like it when Momma has a tazer, yes you do." He lapped her and went to cuddle up to Miss Elizabeth. "He's really sorry he disturbed anyone, Miss Elizabeth, and I'm sorry I yell for Lucky sometimes."

"It's fine, Darcy. Sometimes girls are loud. You just need a better reason to be loud." She looked at Clint. "You two're cute together."

He grinned. "This is my ex-wife Bobbi, Miss Elizabeth."

She looked her over. "Could use a bit of feeding up but otherwise she looks strong, competent, and sweet, Clint. Good choice. I would've flirted with her in my younger and prettier days."

"Age has a beauty all its own," Darcy said firmly. "There's nothing as pretty as a woman who's survived."

She laughed. "You're a good girl, Darcy, but I know I'm not young enough to club like you and that young thing do." She patted Bobbi on the cheek. "Darcy's good at feeding your boy there up but those mob boys won't let her be hurt. They call her the cookie lady." She left to tell the others the gossip. Clint's ex was beautiful, Darcy was stressed so mean, and Conor was a great guard dog instead of just a big ball of fluffy fur that liked the park. The others in the building were happy that Darcy had caught the idiots this time before she disappeared again.

Darcy looked at Bobbi, smiling at her. "The guys who run this neighborhood have helped me a number of times when these sort show up. I give them cookies in reward instead of sex."

"It's probably easier and safer," she agreed.

Clint looked at her. "The Bro guys, Bobbi."

"Ah! Yeah, cookies might do them more good."

Darcy went to look out her bedroom window, staring down at the alley. "Has anyone seen Bucky today?" she called. The guys playing dice looked up at her. "The mean one from the roof. Anyone seen him in the last day?"

They all shook their heads. "Nope, Cookie Lady. Not a bit. Why?" one called back.

"One of the idiots who wants me to have his kids for their bad ideas and plots showed up again."

"You need help, Bro?" another one called with a smile.

"Nah, I interrupted Clint and Conor nearly ate him." She smiled. "Conor does love my tazer, guys." They all smiled and waved. She pulled back in to look at Clint. "They haven't seen Bucky in a bit."

"I'll pass that back to Steve in case they got him back," Clint agreed with a nod. "You need a nap."

"I need more than a nap, Clint, I just can't seem to find any. Even my vibrators aren't doing it anymore." She sighed. "Conor, let's move the bad guy." He growled at the bad guy, who flinched away from him. Bobbi pulled him out of the closet and cuffed him with zip ties then shoved him into the hall to walk him downstairs for the team she called in.

Clint looked at her. "You could rent one."

"I only cuddle those. I don't want to know what the last renter gave them." She grimaced. "I did get invited to this pretty hip lesbian club though. Maybe I'll go do that." She went to look in her closet, pulling out a pretty dress.

Clint walked off shaking his head. He stared at his dog as he ran up the stairs to lap Conor. Who lapped him back. They sniffed butts then Lucky followed him back down. Conor nudged the door shut and went to bark at Mommy until she gave him more puppy treats. Clint looked at Bobbi, who was smiling at him. "I've been trying to set her up for months now," he admitted.

She burst out in giggles. "It does every woman good, Clint." She patted him on the arm. The agent SUV pulled up and she handed the guy over. "Broke in on Darcy Lewis to try to stab her with that needle. The tazer spikes are still inserted."

"Great," one of them agreed. "It's good she can protect herself." They took him off to figure out who he was.

Clint and Lucky led the way back to his apartment, her following while he texted Steve. Who said he had Bucky. So that was good at least. "Barnes isn't in the wind, he's nagging Steve. That's great."

Bobbi smiled, looking at Clint. "You're good to them."

"Bucky's a nice enough guy and Darcy's like a little sister." He shot her a grin. "Like Katie Kate is."

"Uh-huh. Sure you wouldn't tap that?"

"Nope. I like my dick where it is. At least Katie would remove it on me." She burst out in giggles again, heading in to go back to dinner with him. He followed her because it was a great view in her action suit. She was the best bad decision of his life.

***

Darcy came back from working with Pepper, finding Cassie Lang on her couch. "Hey, Sprout. Your dad drop you off?"

"Yup. Mom's having kittens. Herds of kittens."

She hugged her around the head. "That happens when you're a parent. That's why I'm not one yet, I only need one dog." Cassie laughed but pointed. Conor was laying on the windowsill to the fire escape, moaning pitifully.

Darcy snapped. "Hey, Conor, come see this." She pointed. "Look there." He came trotting over to let his mommy show him this thing. He saw Bucky and barked happily, bouncing against the window until Bucky looked over and shook his head but was smiling. "There's your petting buddy." She petted him. "You bark at him." She smiled at Cassie. "Why is she having kittens?"

"Dad told her I'm training for a future team spot."

"That got brought up during that fighting the marriages meeting," she agreed. "You are a bit young."

"I'm not that young," she pouted.

She smiled. "Even the Young Avengers team won't let you on until you're sixteen, dear."

"I know."

"Did you talk to Katie about training stuff?"

"Yeah. I thought she had told them."

"Actually, I think I spilled it so sorry."

She waved a hand with a sigh. "It's a really adult thing to discount the young of today."

"I don't discount you guys or your strengths, but at your age, you should be doing fun things. Because once you join a team, a lot less time for fun things. Fewer dates, fewer hanging out nights, fewer parties. All that stuff."

She pouted. "That might suck, yeah."

"Yeah. Kate took lessons for three years before stepping up when Clint had to go for a bit."

"I'm about a year into mine. I'm doing good."

"Good! Kate's gym is full of guys who'd really want to be on a team but aren't going to make that high mark." She sat down, curling up in her chair to take off her heels. "A lot may want to help but don't know how. Kate told one he'd do better as a nurse or a first responder sort so he's trying to get into the fire department. She's real blunt about things if you ask her."

"She told me to come back when I'm sixteen too."

"Yeah. Because at least then you're nearly an adult. At your current age, you're too young. You can't even drive yet."

"Point I guess." She considered it. "How do you know if you're good enough?"

"You test yourself against one who is I guess. Or you ask one of them for an honest opinion and then listen to them. They'll try to talk you out of it, and a few will outright tell you to go do something safer, but if you've got the fire you'll figure it out."

Cassie considered that, nodding slowly. "Right now I'm really more doing track and field stuff."

"Running is an *excellent* skill I have never had. It's safer. Even if you're on a team you have to be able to run at the bad guys, and sometimes away from the bad guys to regroup if you're not strong enough. So yeah, running, jumping, and playing is a great idea to train in as well."

Cassie smiled. "Thanks. Mom told me I'm a girl, I can't do that. I pointed out the list of girls in spandex and that's why she's having multiple herds of kittens."

Darcy nodded, looking around. She spotted Scott in his suit in the kitchen drinking from the dog's water bowl. She looked at Cassie again, who frowned. Darcy smiled at her. "Herds of kittens are a parent's right and responsibility. No parent wants their kid to be in spandex unless they're warped. They all want their kids safe, doing good things for the world, and safe. Though some just want their kids to make major money to support them. There's a ton of ways you can do good things in the world. And many heros have day jobs."

She nodded. "I know. I have no idea about that."

"A hint, most teams desperately need someone they trust to treat injuries," Darcy said dryly. "Because most every single one is hospital phobic. Even at the paramedic level it'd be great. If you do go to a team environment, you'll have to have a job that has a pretty open schedule. There's been umpteen billion events interrupted by an inconvenient bad guy."

She nodded. "I can see that I guess. Medic training would be okay to do. A nurse might be really nice." She nodded. "Someone like Stark has their own infirmary."

"Cassie, with the way the science team in the tower blow up the labs, they need it for them more than they do the heros."

"I heard about that." She pouted. "It's not fair though."

"Yeah, that's because you're the teenager," Darcy said dryly. "Feel lucky your mom didn't drag you somewhere to have you committed with the funny drugs. Some parents have." She heard choking and so did Cassie, who looked around and groaned. She smiled. "At least he probably refilled the dog's water dish."

"Before he supposedly left," Cassie said, glaring at her father. "Dad!"

He came back to normal size, staring at her. "What? It's important that parents snoop sometimes. All the books say so." She rolled her eyes and sighed as only a teenager could. He looked at Darcy. "That shock system doesn't work on the underside of the door."

"That's great. I'll have someone extend it," she said with a smile. "You have the code to turn it off."

"It makes a click." He took off his helmet and sat down beside his daughter. "She's right. Though I brought you here so she could talk some sense into you." He shot Darcy a look.

"No matter how much you talk about stuff, she's still got to make her own decision, Scott. We can talk about the bad sides and all that but it's up to her to decide how she's going to adult. Adulting is hard for everyone but some people it's harder for. Especially if they're in spandex."

Cassie nodded. "I get that and I've asked Kate about that. And Teddy but he was kind of a butt."

"Yeah, he's stalking Kate now and then," she agreed. "He's a bit jealous. I caught him sneering at Lucky and warned him away from the dog because people who hurt dogs are pathetic. I got a glare for it but smirked back at him."

"He told me I'm a little kid and I have no idea about anything so I should go somewhere safer." Cassie grimaced. "I kicked him in the nuts. Kate laughed." Darcy grinned and high-fived her. Her father sighed and shook his head. "It works against guys, Dad."

"Yeah, it does. It's one of those things most young women learn." He looked at her. "I have no problem with you learning self defense. I have problems with the end result of you being on a team of some kind. It's hard, Cassie, and dangerous. I've already nearly died a few times." He shifted to look at her better. "I nearly got stomped on by the Hulk by accident and nearly fell off a building due to another accident so it's not all battle injuries. Do you really want to have scars like mine?"

She shook her head. "No. Not really. I think it's important, Dad."

"And it is," he agreed with a nod. "But maybe there's a better way? You can always be a backup on a team. There's plenty that fall in for the bigger problems, Cassie."

"I've seen." She stared at him. "I'm not going to rule that out. I might actually like being a nurse too." He smiled and relaxed. "But with everything that's going on, there might not be enough of us later on."

"Actually, things like this bring more people to stop the injustices," Darcy said. "It's how humanity works unless it's about mutant rights. Many people have studied that."

Cassie nodded at that. "I can see how that happens. Bad things happen, people react, the diehard believers stay after it's not popular."

"Exactly," Darcy agreed with a smile. "After every single event I'm pretty sure that membership at that gym you go to goes up."

"Probably," she agreed. "What happens if the main Avengers team is down though?"

"There's other teams," Darcy reminded her. "About half of them are bags of dicks rolled up in spandex but they do answer emergencies. And usually cause about as much damage while complaining that people complain at them and they had to come help. Not to mention the Young Avengers team. There's probably some independent heros as well. Guys like that merc that I interrupted flirting with Clint."

"I've only met him once. He was a bit insane but seemed decent as a fighter," Scott said. "I don't know anything about him though." He looked at his daughter again. "You know we only have you and you getting flattened by a building would mean your mother would call you back and rip you a new one before killing you again."

She hugged him. "I know, Dad." She looked up at him. "Can I stay in self defense?"

"Yup. Something we learned when Darcy was in the tower; bad guys come for assistants and those around the teams." Darcy nodded with a grimace. "It could be a lot worse though," he reminded Darcy.

"True, they could've managed to keep me. Or the usual assaults on the tower to get tech or weapons might've made them kidnap me and Jane instead, if only they could understand her science stuff."

"Seriously?" Cassie asked.

"She was working on a bridge to another realm, Cassie, yeah that could be useful. Especially if she could turn it to other realms or places. Which she probably could."

"Huh."

"But the goons were usually too dumb to realize who Jane was or what sort of target she was unless they sent her specifically after her. Then Bucky saved us twice."

She blinked a few times, nodding slowly. "That's weird."

"Welcome to being an associated person to a hero," Darcy said dryly. "Girlfriends of them get the same thing, kiddo."

"Like in the comics?"

"Yup, just like that. Sidekicks and girlfriends get snatched sometimes and sometimes beaten up. So yeah, self defense is *awesome*."

She nodded more quickly. "Yeah, I can do that. Would they come after me?"

"Your dad doesn't have a sworn enemy yet. So you've got time to learn."

"Hey," Scott complained.

"Seriously, Scott, you don't have someone like Hammer is to Stark. Though he's a pathetic example to use."

"I heard about him."

She nodded with a grin. "Plus there's the ones after that web guy. He's got like seven dedicated enemies after him. He's a bit older than Cassie is."

"That's a shit move," he said bluntly. She smiled and nodded. "I know Stark knows the kid. Does he know about that?"

"No clue. Only Pepper reads Stark's mind."

"Point. I'll ask him later and ask Natasha to suggest a best method of learning how to do self defense stuff."

"She told Jane a boarding school about Emma."

Scott winced but nodded. "That figures. Her mom called looking for her."

"I'm pretty sure Jane told her mom she was on Asgard."

"Hopefully. She even grumped about why you weren't there."

"Jane and I needed to be less co-dependent."

"You did. Jane needs to do more on her own too. I wonder if she has a lab assistant on Asgard to help her remember to come out of the science."

"She's the queen. She's probably got a few," Darcy reminded him. "Or I hope so anyway."

"I hope so too." He looked at his little girl. "We'll figure it out. Your mom's almost calmer."

"That was fast. Did she smoke a joint or something?" she asked dryly.

"Not that I'm aware of. Your mom's not like that."

"Well it is a big shock," Cassie said. "Kate said her dad drank for three days straight while staring at her like she was weird."

"I reminded her to tell him before he heard it in a courtroom," Darcy said dryly. "Because then he would've had a heart attack. He probably still would've had one if she hadn't walked in on him being threatened by someone."

Cassie shook her head. "Wow."

"Yeah. But better to come out of the superhero closet than to have your parents find out on the evening news."

"Yeah, I can see that happening," she admitted with a wince up at her father.

He smirked down at her. "I'd have to learn bondage from Barton and Natasha to tie her down until she wasn't going to rip your head off for that. That day I might buy her some mj to smoke. It is legal now."

She hugged him again. "Thanks, Dad."

"Welcome, Cassie. You're a good girl and we'd like to keep you as a good girl who's alive and healthy. You've got years before you can even make that decision, kiddo."

"Fine. I'm still taking self defense."

"Yes you are."

She nodded, resting against his side. She looked at Darcy. "You can get less fancy."

"I've been helping Pepper." She got up and went into the bedroom, coming out in jeans and a t-shirt with the dog coming over to hop into her lap. She looked at him. "Is your petting buddy coming for dinner?" she joked. But she did pet him.

"He's cute," Cassie said. "I could use a jogging buddy."

"If I'm there, we can go together," Scott promised. Bucky walked in shaking his head. "Got tired of being barked at?"

"Yup." He picked up the dog to look at. "It's fine if I'm not here for a bit."

"You know you're his favorite playing buddy," Darcy said with a grin. "I'm about to call out for dinner." He gave her an odd look. "I haven't went grocery shopping in a few days, Bucky, and the freezer's bare too as of when I looked last time." She got up to look, shaking her head. "Nope." She looked at the dishwasher. Someone had put some spaghetti sauced plates in with the clean stuff so she turned it on to run. Her pantry wasn't exactly bare but it was pretty thin. "Can we make something with bow tie pasta and tunafish?"

"No thanks," Bucky said with a grimace.

"So decide where we're ordering from." She smiled. "I'll let you guys decide. I'm not totally hungry."

"Working hard?" Bucky taunted.

"I've arranged six events in the last two days," she said. "And Tony's birthday party." Bucky shuddered but nodded. "And helped with the grant applications by sorting. So tell me where I'm ordering from. And I should make sure I have cash."

"I've got it," Bucky told her. She smiled at him and gave him a fast hug before sitting down again.

He checked his wallet then looked at Scott and his daughter. "Chinese or pizza is safe and nearby."

"Chinese," Cassie said, looking at her father, who nodded. "At least it has some veggies."

"Don't order soup from them," Darcy warned. "It's horribly salty."

Bucky shook his head. "He was staring at you as you walked past in those leggings and a long t-shirt," he said dryly. "He forgot how much salt he was pouring." She shot a dirty look at him. He smirked. "He did. It's usually not that salty, Lewis."

"Fine." She looked at Cassie. "Sometimes," she sighed. "Guys got opinions."

Cassie laughed but nodded. "I've met a few of those and went 'ick' all night. Kate agreed it was an icky thought."

"Kate would know. She's seen plenty of icky things and guys," Darcy assured her. She saw a flash of light from the corner of her eye and leaned back to look. "Clint's home with Katie and they look nasty. Like crawled through a sewer nasty." She smiled. "Lucky's barking at them but he's refusing to let either one pet him." She got up and went to open the bedroom window, shocking the guy on the fire escape who was trying to break in.

"Dude, what did I say about stalkers?" she demanded. He groaned but climbed back down. She waved and Kate opened the window. "Lucky, come get petted," she called. "Let your human get less nasty." He hopped out onto the fire escape and went up to get over to her building then down into her apartment, rushing to bark at Scott until he petted him. Kate smirked and waved but shut the window. Darcy shut hers too. She came back to sit and got comfortable until her dog hopped into her lap. "Hey, Conor." She petted her dog.

Cassie looked at Lucky then at Darcy. "Sometimes things are weird," she decided.

"Yeah. But that's the life of being in spandex," she said dryly. "Still sure you want to put on a suit?"

"Not if I come back so nasty a dog won't let me pet it."

Scott smirked as he patted his daughter her shoulder. "It's not that uncommon."

"Especially if you're anywhere near Stark's lab geniuses. They blow up a lot of stuff and you end up covered in oil, flame retardant foam, and chemicals often enough that you just sigh when it happens as you're heading for the special showers."

"I've heard you have done that many times," Scott teased with a smirk for her.

She grinned back. "Not mine or Jane's doing. But it was nice when I woke up to the Hulk poking me; he was just making sure I was okay because he said I was cuddly and soft."

He spluttered. So did James. She grinned at Cassie, who had a wide-eyed look. "Wow," Cassie said. "Really...just wow." Darcy grinned and got the menu for the chinese place for them.

Bucky and Scott shared a look but they both knew Darcy was a little bit...different at times. It must've been from all that science she had to run over to make sure Jane did things. Cassie looked up at her father then at Bucky, shaking her head. "Darcy, what if I want to go to college?"

"I'll write you a personal rep," she promised, smiling at her. "Not a problem, kiddo."

"Thanks. Is it hard?"

"That kinda depends on what you major in and how much you stress yourself. Some people take minimum hours to be full time. Some people take maximum hours to get it done faster. I've seen kids that take twenty-four hours a semester and wear themselves out. They don't tend to do much with the college life stuff but sometimes that's smarter anyway. Some college kids are all about the partying while they're young. I do recommend that you go on a trip during spring break and don't take all the summer classes you can so you get another one. It's a lot easier to travel and do things when you're eighteen than when you're forty and have kids and a spouse to drag with you. Plus you can stay at youth hostels and the like so it's cheaper. I knew a few kids who backpacked around Europe with a rail pass so they could get on a train anywhere."

"So not cheapy cheap but cheap enough and the travel's good for anyone," Cassie said. Darcy smiled and nodded. "Did you get to?"

"Not a whole lot. I took some here and there, and later with Jane. I'm not a world traveler but I'm a bit experienced. I'm like a duffer of travel."

Cassie nodded. "So enough hours to get it done in four instead of five, take the time to do some wild things but not a lot, and do some traveling?"

Darcy nodded with a smile. "Yeah. Especially if you want to go somewhere like Disney? They have spring break specials and everyone looks at single adults going there without kids. I tried that on a break at Disney Paris and they all looked at me to make sure I wasn't going after the kids."

"So go in a group of friends or bring some kids," Cassie quipped.

Darcy smirked. "Then I'd be responsible for someone's kids. Parents get weird about that."

"I'd go."

She smiled. "Let me know when your mom would agree."

She pulled out her phone to text her mom, getting back a 'why would she want to do that' so she explained the thinking about wanting to go to Disney when you're an adult and not having kids. She sighed but said 'fine'. "Mom said to let her know when."

"Let me know when you've got a break, kiddo."

"No long break for a few months," she sighed. "But then it's not tourist season so maybe it won't be as crowded."

"That's why I never want to go somewhere like that in the summer," Darcy said. "Plus it's so hot you just die from sweating. Spring break time is usually fun, just a lot of college kids drunkenly propositioning the furries."

Scott burst out laughing, shaking his head. "I know a few people like that when they're drunk," he admitted. "Your godfather, he's like that when he drinks."

Cassie patted him on the wrist. "That's why I probably won't drink a lot, Dad."

"Thanks, kiddo. I knew you were smart like your mother."

"Are you like that, Darcy?"

"No, honey, I get flirty when I'm really drunk. I usually find a cute guy and flirt until I have some fun."

"Yeah, she's not allowed to do that even at your age," Scott said with a smirk for Darcy.

"That's up to her, not up to me."

"Point." He looked at his daughter. "Don't do that either."

She rolled her eyes. "Dad, I have a few friends who have done a lot of that. Including not charging but having fun on a long band trip." He winced. "At least you can't get pregnant from oral sex."

"True," Darcy agreed. "And you can still use a condom."

"Eww," Cassie said.

Darcy grinned at her. "Guys have things sometimes, Cassie. You gotta make sure you don't get it. It's condoms or a clean test and no sores. Though herpes can be on other parts that aren't covered."

"Yuck." She pointed. "I can see a shadow."

Darcy opened the door, smiling at the delivery guy from the chinese restaurant. "Hi. For us?" He nodded, eyes wide. She smiled and let Bucky sign the slip then took the bag with a wink. "Have a good night."

"You too, Cookie Lady." She tipped him and he walked off thinking about that subject. Cookie Lady was hot when she wanted to be. Apparently they needed to see how fun she was drunk. He ran into the two archers outside and stepped away from them.

Clint looked at him. "If you're going to flirt with Darcy, go ahead. Just be aware we'll handle anyone not good enough for her." He gave him a pointed look. "And you're probably too young." The guy pouted all the way to tell the older guys. They liked Cookie Lady too. Clint and Kate went up to join in. Clint got their dinner ordered and sent when they saw what they were eating. Then he settled in to play with their dogs while Cassie asked what had happened to make them that messy.

***

Bucky was looking around Darcy's kitchen for something to eat, because his was bare again, and he was bored anyway. Darcy was at work with Pepper for another hour so the dog was bored anyway. Conor was staring at him from a shelf in the pantry, he liked to lay on it when his human wasn't home. It was his sneaky guarding spot apparently. He found a frozen chicken and looked at it then sighed. At least Darcy had stuff to nibble on in the pantry. He reached behind the dog, getting lapped. He smiled at him. "Just getting food, Conor."

The dog barked and got up to pounce him. Bucky had to step back to catch him because Conor was a heavy dog, but the jumping had shown a book. "She puts her recipes into a journal?" He looked at it then pulled it out to look through. What he saw wasn't amusing. He didn't know Darcy was evil. He brought the cookies, the dog treats, and the journal to the couch to look through. It had some good ideas, if she knew how to do those things. The dog helped him nibble on the faux baked potato chips while he read.

Darcy came in and smiled at him. "I haven't been shopping this week yet."

"I noticed." He held up the journal. "Do you need drugs or did you confiscate it?"

"I confiscated and then added," she admitted, taking it from him on her way to change clothes.

Bucky stared after her. "Did you turn in whoever that was?"

"No. This was their therapy since you guys nearly got her killed."

"I guess that's reasonable," he admitted. "Why did you add to it?"

"The same reason we had a sudden trip in a shipping container," she admitted.

"Are you going to do any of them?" he asked patiently.

She leaned out of the bedroom. "Don't tempt me." She went back to changing clothes. "I'm trying very hard not to become evil, Bucky."

"I'm sure you are." She tossed something at his head so he read it over. Then he folded it up and put it into his pocket. "Yeah, I can let Steve handle that so you don't have to." She snorted but it was a sound that made him wince. Bucky considered how Steve would handle something like a future evil Darcy Lewis and sighed. Steve wouldn't be able to stop her. She'd get around him because he wasn't used to modern dames and the ways they thought. He texted Clint to get his advice on strategy. He got Scott Lang instead since Clint was in the infirmary thanks to a Stark lab accident aftermath. Scott told him how to handle Darcy's ill mood by making her do fun things. She needed more fun times.

Kate walked in and paused, staring at him and the dog. "What?" she asked when he stared at her.

"He found that journal I confiscated," Darcy called.

"Oh, yeah, her journal of evil ideas. You should see Darcy's instead of that one." She closed the door with a sigh. "Darcy, I have evil sluts at school."

"I remember those in my school. I distracted them by telling the chess team they wanted to be hit on." She walked out pulling her hair out of her t-shirt. "I told the chess team why and they were happy to embarrass the idiot bitches that made fun of them. Totally ruined two's reps so they had to become real humans instead of bimbos. One's actually an agent with the NSA." She smiled. "The others in that group went quiet when their leaders were brought down. Personally I think it's that slut's fault that I'm being bugged and hacked by them. She's still mad that her boyfriend found out she was all but charging for it with most of the rest of the basketball team, just not him."

"Jeez," Kate said, eyes wide. "That's evil, Darcy."

She smiled. "Thank you!" She gave her a quick hug. "Cassie and I are going to Disney in a few weeks if you wanted to join us for your spring break."

"Mine's not until the week after hers," she complained. "Or I would." She looked at Bucky, who was giving them odd looks. "Women have those thoughts when we're bothered by idiots in this world."

Darcy smiled at him with a wink. "You should see what I had planned against that doucebro uptown if he hadn't given up." She went to look in her pantry and her fridge. "We're going grocery shopping."

"I'm pretty sure that's why I showed up," Kate said. "So you could tell me what I need to get for my own house."

Darcy called her account, frowning at it. "Why is it locked?" she muttered, calling the number on her bank card as she walked into the bedroom. She came back out. "The idiot dick had the judge lock my main account so they could do an accounting for the lawsuit," she said with an evil smile. "Brian hadn't heard but now he has." Kate shuddered, shrinking in on herself. "I have other money thankfully." She got what she needed and went out with Kate. "We'll be back in an hour if you wanted more than chips, Bucky."

"I can wait and play with the dog," he agreed, waving at them. He gave Kate a pointed look to calm her down. Kate shrugged but smiled, going with her mentor/big sister sort. He didn't want to know what Darcy would pull up if she went truly evil. Though he would search for that other journal while she was gone. It had ideas that really weren't good but hopefully she'd never let it out. He wasn't sure if she could find someone to make that drug she mentioned for her. He sent that one to Stark so he could counteract it. Steve wouldn't know how to handle a good dame going bad. Stark had driven a few to it. Possibly Pepper some day soon too.

***

Stark read his newest email, clicking on the scanned in picture. He stared, blinking as he read. Pepper leaned over his arm to read and winced. He looked at her and sighed. She nodded he could handle it. He let her handle the meeting while he looked up other things about Darcy's recent doings. He found the lawsuit order and the reversal order that was just filed by a different judge since that first one was now under investigation. Darcy's lawyer had made a mess of the local judges. Again. He was apparently enjoying Darcy's evil mood.

Then there was Darcy's new lawsuit she had him file just a few minutes earlier as well for trying that stunt. "Shit," he muttered. Pepper stared at him then took the phone to look at the new information. She winced, handing it back and shaking her head. "Let me...go talk to her. Before she fully turns evil and has to enact an evil plan." He got up and left, going over the rest of the information on the way.

"Stark," Steve called. "Wait up. I want to talk to you."

"Not now, Rogers. I'm busy." He headed for the elevator. Rogers stopped him. He stared at him. "I'm. Busy." He got free and walked off. "I've got finish making Lewis calm down. She's going to destroy half the city if I don't." He got onto the elevator and went to find his former lab intern fussing person. She really needed some stress relief. A lot of stress and evilness relief.

Steve sighed, calling Bucky. "What's going on with Darcy now?" He listened as Bucky read him what he had sent to Stark. "Can she do that?" He considered it. "Yeah, she could probably pay someone to do that....huh. Yeah, that's more important than finding out what happened with the lab explosion this time. No, Clint's fine. Just a bit bruised and coughing from the dust when he was getting Bruce out of the labs for his own safety. Thanks, Bucky. She did what? Why did she confiscate...." Bucky read him some from that journal. "Wow, do we know who that is? I'd really like to know who was going that evil.

"Oh, a therapy journal because she got hurt during something," he muttered. "Shit." He nodded. "Yeah, I'll let Sam handle that then. Thanks, Bucky. Try to make her bake or something? Two weeks? Really? And she hadn't grocery shopped in weeks? Um.... yeah, hopefully Stark can make her vent then. Thanks, man." He went to talk to Clint. "How bad is it that Darcy hasn't went grocery shopping in three weeks?" he asked Clint. They were close, he should know how bad it was.

Clint looked at him. "I've been trying to get her calmed down now for over a month, Steve. What did you hear?"

"Bucky found a journal of hers?"

"The confiscated one? I talked to the kid and yeah she hates some of us more than others for nearly getting her killed. I don't think she'll put on spandex but she's going to work against Stark International some day."

"No, he found Darcy's version of that."

Clint winced. "I didn't know she had one of those." He sent a text to Kate, who told him a few other things. "She's avoiding baking and just made an evil deal with her lawyer. So we're pretty well all screwed if she wants to act against us. Which she wouldn't want to thankfully. The dumbass uptown...I almost feel sorry for him but he brought it on himself." He looked up at Steve. "And AIM's about screwed if they try her again. Thankfully she likes us." He grinned.

"Are you certain?" he demanded.

"Yeah. I'm sure. We're okay." Steve sent Bucky a text message and got one back, letting Clint see it. "That's to ground Stark because he might need it some day when he loses it again." He stared at him. "She mentioned that one in case it was needed. She was telling Pepper."

"I guess that's fine then. Should we worry about stopping her?"

"Plenty of us think that the stupid one brought it on himself." He shrugged. "I doubt you can make that stuff stop sooner since the stupid one is doing it to himself."

"Can we stop him?"

"He's not an evil overlord. Though if you ask Doom, he might sneer about him in the press since the guy said he admired his ruling style. He said it more than once."

"Great," he muttered, walking off to talk to Sam. Darcy was getting way too angry and it wasn't good for her or others. There might be some civilians in the way. They'd have to stop her and it'd be bad of them to have to hurt her.

***

Clint walked up to where Darcy was in the club with Kate and America, nodding at the girls as he walked Darcy out onto the floor from the bar. He stared down at her while they danced, making her smile. "This isn't a social call, Lewis. You worked Rogers into a fussing fit about having to hurt you if you turned evil."

She burst out in giggles, leaning on his chest. "I'd never hurt Steve or you guys, Clint. You know that."

"Yeah, I do, but still. Evil plans?" He stared down at her. She smiled at him. "Not allowed."

"Sometimes they deserve it and they bring it on themselves."

"Let us handle it, Lewis."

"No." She kissed his cheek with a smile. "You have nothing to do with that lawsuit or anything but AIM's new ideas." She strolled off to tell the girls.

Clint followed. "Don't let her talk you into evil plans. Steve was so worried he asked Sam how to stop her, ladies."

"I'm pretty sure that's why we're in the club," America quipped with a smile for him.

"Uh-huh. Getting her tipsy and flirty won't help that mood at all. Hell, Stark was about to drag her somewhere and drop her off."

She stared at him. "Yeah, I fought that one off earlier. He's being a puppy sitter in cuffs in my saferoom."

Clint slumped, staring at her. "That's kinda evil. Will Pepper like that?"

"Yeah, she loved my idea to stop him if he went total rager about things." She sipped her drink and took the girls out to dance with them instead. Guys liked it when girls danced together and they got flirted with faster that way.

Clint watched while texting Bucky so he could go release Stark. Bucky said he had tried but couldn't get the cuffs off, they were titanium, so he was waiting on a laser cutter. Clint sighed, watching the girls dance together and flirt with guys. When Stark got there, he pointed. "She said we're safe. We're not the ones pushing her toward evil."

Stark stared at him. "Uh-huh." He looked out there. "The girls look good with her."

"Yup. So what do we do?"

"Is she getting any?"

"Not yet. She's not even tipsy yet though."

"They weren't *bad* plans, and they'd only hit the problem people," Stark admitted. "She's not a full evil villainess yet. Though she said she wanted to be one when she was younger." He sighed. "Pepper said to let her handle it herself."

"Pepper's got her own plans," Clint reminded him. Bucky strolled past them. "Go distract the girls so Darcy gets some," he ordered.

"They're too young for me. I was going to get Lewis," Bucky shot back. He pulled her away from the girls with a nod and moved her farther away, staring down at her while they danced. "Cute plans against HYDRA. Would it really work?"

"They seem to think it'll work against us," she said dryly, smiling up at him.

He stared at her. "They probably wouldn't care."

"No, the higher ups probably wouldn't care. The ones involved in the labs...they'd care it was going against them." She turned to dance front-to-back with him. "I figure at least half the lab people are there due to bad choices they may regret."

"Possibly," he admitted. "Still doesn't make it right, Lewis. That'd be mean to those people."

"They should have the antidote." She looked up at him. "Wouldn't they?"

"They probably wouldn't care if their own people get hit. It'd make them more loyal through blackmail."

She shrugged. "I had other ideas."

"Uh-huh." He stared at her. "You're going too evil. They're holding Avengers meetings about you and evil."

"You're the one that told them, that's your fault. Mine's theoretical. You panicked like a little girl." She stared up at him again then smiled a tiny bit. "It's not like I've hired a chemist."

He pulled her closer so he could hiss in her ear. "What happens if someone gets those?"

"Then mine's still theoretical, not practical."

"We'd have to fight against that, Lewis. Anything against HYDRA would probably work against us."

"Stark has most of that already covered." She blew a kiss once she got free of him. "Stark had plans against all that years ago, when I was working with Jane. He even had a wacky, drunk weekend when Bruce suggested he should think up counters to all the possible crackhead plans that might come about." She strolled off, winking at America since she had been watching. She got a drink and handed one to Clint and a bottle of juice to Stark. "I knew you had counters to most of those thanks to that one weekend of thinking up counters to crackhead plans." She walked off sipping her drink.

Stark smirked at her. "Get back here, smartass."

She winked back at him. "I'm not yours, Stark, and I'm having fun. You all encouraged me to blow off the stress."

"Uh-huh. I'm throwing you into somewhere to handle that stress."

"You did that once before and it was run by SHIELD. Thankfully someone took out that file." She shrugged and went back onto the floor.

"It was?" He looked that up, wincing at that note. "It was. She beat a few of them up with shoes and tazed the rest to get free. Huh." He put his phone back and looked at Clint. "Pick her out someone?"

"How would I know?"

"Haven't you two...." He waved the bottle around before taking a drink.

"No, not since she was drugged."

"Really? Why not?"

"Friends. Only friends."

"You could be friends with benefits."

"Yeah but she's not into me."

"How would you know?"

"Because girls don't wear the torn, dirty clothes around guys unless they're like brothers or they've been married for a bit, Stark."

"Oh, yeah, that stuff." He grimaced while he finished the juice, then sighed. "We have got to find her a method of stress relief."

"Yeah but she won't rent one and having us here together is probably going to downgrade her options tonight." He looked around. No Bucky but no Darcy, Kate, and America either. "They left apparently." He gulped his drink and put the empty glass on the bar before leaving. Bucky sent him a text when they got to wherever they were going to go. Not as upscale, very loud, and still a club but a lot of college aged kids. Kate and America got in so apparently their fake ID's were good. He got in after a long stare. "My bestie's in here stressing out and about to turn evil. I'm here to stage an intervention and get her laid by anyone who'll take her."

He paid the cover and was let in. He found Bucky watching, he had apparently snuck in since he was in the rafters. Clint found a good watching spot. The girls were back together on the floor. They looked hot. If he was some regular guy he'd want to jump between them. A few guys were chatting up the two younger ones but Darcy wasn't getting any play yet. No one even went near her but this club was for younger people than Darcy was.

Clint finally went to grab her and nodded. She shrugged so he took her to a club that was for people nearer to her own age. There, she was the young and pretty one instead of being the older sister sort. There she got a lot more play and Clint watched over her to make sure none of them were evil shits in the making. A few were, and one was already an evil shit in his own right, so he glared until the guy caught sight of him and warned him off Darcy's ass. That one went to dance with someone less guarded. Darcy shot him a look so he rolled his eyes and went back to his beer.

Bobbi, his ex, sat down next to him. "Why are you here?" she asked as quietly as she could over the music. He pointed. "Lewis again. Interesting."

"Bucky found her evil thoughts journal and wanted her to get less evil. I'm making sure the evil shits don't want her this time."

She looked. "You haven't glared at three of them." He groaned. "Two are agents in other agencies, and one's just an evil bastard in the making." She pointed. "He's a top lieutenant in Doom's people. Those two are agents," she said with a point. "FBI. They're with a former one that got arrested when they tried to raid the wrong way." He slumped. "Due to her?"

"Yeah. Some kid offered her a bomb and we found out, even though she didn't answer him back."

"Ah. That one. I heard. Coulson nearly had a heart attack." He shook his head with a sigh and sipped his beer. "Think she can handle it herself?"

"Probably but I don't want to make her do that. Having to tase her way out of here wouldn't help anyone. Especially not her." He looked at her. "She had plans."

"All women have plans," she quipped.

"She had good plans."

"Oh, those sort of plans. Against the team?"

"Nope. We're not the ones pushing her toward becoming evil, or so she said."

"Crap."

"Yup."

"I can have a few guys come flirt with her."

"She'll probably realize it."

"Could be but better assholes you know." She looked at him. "Why haven't you...."

"She was drugged by HYDRA once," he admitted. "It was damn good."

She patted him on the hand. "She might not mind a remake."

"She's worn trashy clothes around me and thinks I'm like a big brother, Bobbi," he sighed.

"I can go ask."

"Please don't," he begged, looking at her. She was smiling. "Bobbi, she's a friend. I don't have many of those. Can you not ruin one of them for me? Please?"

She patted him on the hand. "I'd never ruin your friendships, Clint. You know me better than that."

"Yeah but not when you're in woman mode. Which you are and which is why I nearly got killed in Belarus and Scandinavia during that chase to save you."

She huffed. "Fine. I won't ask her about it."

"Thanks!" He took a larger drink of his beer. He winced. "That douchebro again as she calls him. That's the idiot that's suing her's son-in-law."

Bobbi got up and went to dance with Darcy, making the younger woman smile at her. "Saving you," she said in her ear. She nodded.

Darcy looked then at her. "Not even if it'd save humanity," she said dryly, cracking Bobbi up. "But sure, we can dance. You're good at it apparently."

"I am. I had to teach Clint too." They moved together, making a lot of guys hot. "So I heard rumors....."

Darcy turned to look at her better while they danced. "I was dosed by the super yucky guild of morons. Clint saved me with the antidote."

"Does that mean it's not a redo sort?"

Darcy shrugged. "I think that's up to him. I'm more worried it nearly destroyed our friendship."

"Clint's not like that."

"Yeah but it still nearly happened. He didn't even look at me the next day. Told me all I wanted to know. It was bad enough that he's someone I could've jumped before but that ruined a lot of things."

Bobbi nodded. "He's great at casual stuff but he does get embarrassed." She shrugged some but smiled at her. "If you'd jump him he might not mind it, Darcy. It'd help you both since he's tense and uptight."

"They think I'm going to finish going evil and go after others who haven't pushed me this way. Or that someone might find them and use them against the team instead of HYDRA."

Bobbi shook her head with a sigh. "I doubt that."

"Me too but they're men."

"Good point." She smiled at the guy trying to get their attention. "Sure, you can dance with us."

Darcy smiled at him and he came closer, but didn't match up to their skills so he pouted off. "I get a lot of that these days."

"Clubbing has gotten worse since the nineties." She hugged her to get them away from the guy trying to grope them.

Darcy looked at the guy trying to grab her ass. "Dude, I haven't even danced with you. I don't let groping happen unless there's at least been a cheeseburger. So get off." He snorted but glared as he went to someone less pushy. She looked at Bobbi. "A lot of guys think they're entitled." She nodded back. They found a few nicer guys who could keep up with them. She smiled at one, who winked back. She looked up at Bobbi, she was slightly taller in her heels. "Yours?"

"Yeah. Lance, this is Darcy Lewis. She's the one giving Coulson ulcers."

"How did I do that this time?" she snorted, smiling at Lance. "Hi." She shook his hand.

"Something about you and lawsuits."

"I'm not suing Agent i-Pod thief. He finally gave it back eventually." Lance stared at her oddly. She smiled. "I used to work with Jane in the labs." He swallowed hard. "Even if you heard I'm mean and evil, I'm only that way if you push me towards the evil."

"Nah, I'm not that stupid, most women only need a tiny push but it'd damage my fragile male ego," he admitted, cracking the women up. They danced with the ladies and it was better. More normal people wanted to dance with Darcy too while the agents went to handle the evil ones in the back.

Bobbi popped back up to Clint after the arrests were done. "She thinks that you didn't want a replay," she said in his ear, making him sigh. "I asked. She said you couldn't even look at her the next morning and she could've seen you as someone to pounce now and then but thinks that incident ruined it. So go there, it might be great." She patted him on the shoulder. "Really. It could do you both good." She left, going to help handle the paperwork. Three big problems and another six minor ones was a good haul from one arrest.

Lance Hunter looked up as Coulson came into the interrogation room. "She said you don't have to worry about her being evil, you're not the one pushing her that way."

"Only the one morning I tried to get her up very early," he shot back with a grimace. "Why did this come up?"

"Bobbi introduced us."

"She was there?"

"Yeah," Bobbi said as she came in with a file. "She was trying to blow off her current evil thoughts. Clint was watching over her." She looked at him. "She seems really nice. I can see why she got away from the team before they warped her."

"Probably the other way around," Coulson told her. "Through baking." He walked off to handle the problems.

***

At the club, Clint was tired of watching the weaklings with no skills try to interest Darcy. She wasn't being picky but they all decided she was too good for them apparently, or too hard to get to have fun. He went down there to dance with her again, making her look up at him. "Saving you from the pathetic ones."

She smiled. "That's nice of you. Thank you for the heroic saving. I was about to leave for the night since no one here's giving me any play."

"They realize they're not good enough for you."

"A few might've been fun but probably not long term," she agreed.

"You deserve better."

"Yeah but I doubt I'm going to find a long term anytime soon."

He smirked at her. "Was that a hint?"

"No. You proved you weren't interested, Clint."

He squeezed her against him. "I wasn't not interested, Darce, I was scared of hooking you like an addict."

She laughed, swatting at his arm around her stomach. "I'm not an addict, Clint, but you didn't even stare at me in skimpy clothes."

"I was trying to be polite."

She looked up at him again. "Seriously?"

"Yes, seriously. Not for permanent but I'm not against fun."

"Funsies are great fun," she agreed, smiling at him. "I'm not against funsies."

"Then let's ditch the little kids who want to think they're good." She shrugged, walking out with him to go home. His since hers was full of dogs and possibly two Young Avengers getting it on with each other.

***
Part 12 by voracity
A few weeks later, Darcy limped into a certain throne room on Asgard, glaring at the staring idiots. She stared at the guy on the throne. "Why oh why is Midgard dealing with Asgard's enemies?" she asked bluntly. The guy on the throne sat up straighter, staring at her. "Why were we forced to deal with an enemy using magic, and other unnatural forces of energy, against humanity when that's *your* job?"

Loki pretending to be Odin blinked at her. "I knew not that we had enemies, chit."

Darcy glared at him. "Really? She proclaimed herself your wife." Loki flinched. "And said she was taking over in the name of Asgard. Since someone wasn't there to hold up his vow and promise, we had to handle your supposed wife for you." She tossed down a broken scepter. "I think you'll find she's in a lot more pain than we even gave Loki when he tried his stupid maneuver.

"We're all injured and there's still six of her minions trying to rampage around. It's pretty sad when the one who vowed to keep pieces of shit like that wench from us are hiding." She gave Thor a dirty look when he stomped in. "Oh, by the way." She tossed down something. "He showed up too," she told the pretend Odin. The white hair and beard showed who it had been if you were observant. "We don't care if he diplomatically visits but he was raging drunk and had to be brought down for his own safety and ours. Pity."
She glared at Thor when he cleared his throat. "All your battle buddies are in the hospital. Some for many more weeks. Because *someone* forgot he made a promise. Is your mother proud of that?" She walked off, nodding at Jane. "Your boy's in trouble with us. He should probably not come back to earth for a while considering it was his enemies that tried to rip up half the world." She got escorted back to the bridge and home. She went to the hospital to help take care of the Avengers. They were in quarantine to keep people and agents away from them.

One of the agents gave her shit so she tazed him and walked over his twitching body. "I think you're an idiot," she said bluntly as she walked over him. "I'll make sure someone else knows that later." She got signed into the ward and went to check on them, handing over things they had asked for. "I diplomatically as I could chewed Thor a new one," she told Steve as she handed over some magazines with a smile. "Because if I was his mom, I'd be disappointed he forgot he made a vow."

Steve stared at her. "That's mean, Darcy."

She smiled. "Thank you. I get to go pick up my dog later today from the vets." She went to visit the others, including Kate, who got her tablet. "You better yet?"

Kate shook her head, holding onto it. "Concussions suck, Clint was right."

"Yeah, they do, kiddo." She patted her foot. "I've got Cutey at my place with Lucky and I'm picking up Conor later. She'll be fine."

"Thanks, Darce."

"Welcome, Katie." She went to check on Stark last. He was hating being restricted to his room, without much of anything of his, and the nurses and agents were trying to keep him there. She handed over her phone with a smile and a wink.

"Stark is not to have technology," an agent shouted, rushing for her.

Darcy looked at him. "Watch me destroy you," she said with a smile. "I did learn a lot as a lab intern." The guy flinched, backing away. "As a matter of fact, I'm pretty damn sure Stark can afford a personal care nurse at home. I can check with Pepper about that." Stark nodded he could. His jaw was partially wired shut. She texted Pepper, who agreed he had one as soon as he got released. "Good. You've got one coming today, Stark." He grinned as much as he could. "So let's get you guys home. I'm sure the facility has medical people?"

He nodded. "Are they good enough?" He nodded more quickly. "Excellent." She used her phone to call someone. "Some of the Avengers members are ready to go rest at the facility upstate. Do we have a ride for them?" She smiled. "It's nice to hear from you too, Melinda. Why are you with the dogs?" She nodded once. "Cool. No, I had to taze someone already and an agent's getting huffy I lent Stark my phone.

"Please. I've seen seven, but they won't let me see two of them: Sam and Bruce. Pleasure, dear." She blew a kiss and hung up, tossing Stark the phone again. She smiled at the glaring nurse, making her grab a weapon. "I didn't know they were in that sort of custody, Nurse. If so, then they should probably have presented a warrant." The nurse huffed off. Agents came in and she nodded at one. "Skye." Coulson had introduced her to the young one to mentor her into a stable agent.

"Darcy. We can handle getting them up there. Stark held up the phone with a typed message. "Yes, including the Young Avengers members, Stark. They deserve it. Where are the other two?"

"No clue," Darcy admitted. "They won't let me near them."

Stark's new message read "Fuck it, you know how to calm Bruce down better than most people and there's no reason for them to have Wilson quarantined from us."

Darcy smiled. "That's very true." She looked at Skye, who pointed at two agents to go with her. "Hey, Lance." She shook his hand and they walked off, going to find those two. She unlocked Sam from his gurney and let them roll him off in a wheelchair. Then she went to find Bruce. No Bruce. She tapped her fingers as she looked around. "FRIDAY," she called loudly. The AI monitored wherever Stark was. It was part of his security team and system. She had to have ears on the local computers at least.

"Yes, Miss Lewis," the AI responded from an agent's phone, making him flinch.

"Where's Bruce? He's not on the same ward and we're evacuating them to the facility upstate."

"He's not in this hospital and hasn't been since the day they were admitted. Falcon saw that, that's why they had him locked away from the others. I have searched for him but as far as I can tell he's in Texas at an older research facility that they tried to claim. I do have to warn you that there's many snakes around that area. No one's stopped them because they were a secondary security measure."

"Great," she agreed. "Can you tell Bucky?"

"I have texted Mr. Barnes that information at your request, adding that to the end, and he said he would handle it," the AI said.

"Thanks. Tell him if he needs me to call. I can't do much but I can damn sure do some things."

"Of course, Miss Lewis. He answered back that he would if he needed you. Otherwise he was taking a few of Miss Bishop's almost teammates with him."

"Greatness." She walked off with the agent. "FRIDAY found Bruce in Texas," she announced to the being moved crew. A few glared at her. She smiled. "I asked Bucky to find him."

"I almost feel sorry for those assholes," Clint said dryly. "Clearly that head injury did bad things to me."

"If mercy comes from a concussion I'm going to hate that," Kate said bitterly. "Because I have no mercy for those sorts." She looked at the agent pushing her wheelchair. "You're cute in a double vision kinda way."

He smirked a tiny bit. "Married as well. I have a daughter about Cassie Lang's age."

"Pity but hopefully she'll do great things for humanity without being a thug." He nodded. She looked at Natasha, who was grimacing and silent. "Is that your 'I need painkillers' face or 'I'm going to murder someone' face?" she asked bluntly. "Because I need to get out of the way and I'm kinda slow right now," she admitted.

Natasha looked at her. "I would rather not be riding in this chair, even though it is hospital policy. I can walk."

"You have a broken ankle," Clint reminded her. "It'll take at least a week for it to heal." He gave her a look. "I'm healthier than you are this time so I'll go see if Barnes needs backup later."

"I've already told him I'd go help," Darcy quipped with a grin. "Because I'm mad enough to change color myself." Sam gave her a dirty look. She smiled at him. "I emailed your mother's facebook page. She's not real happy you weren't allowed visitors and said if I could get in, to tell you to answer your email with at least pictures. She wants to yell about hero stuff and injuries."

"Yeah, she's a mom," he agreed dryly. "She'll yell while babying me."

She hugged him around the head. "She sounds neat." She took over pushing him and looked around. "Someone find Rogers and Stark?"

"On the next elevator," Skye assured her. "We won't let them be taken, Lewis."

Darcy smiled. "Great. Thanks." She got them loaded into the vans and helped Steve in last, making him sigh as he sat down. "All in? Got your mags and stuff?" They all nodded and patted their plastic bags of effects. "Greatness. Be safe, guys." She closed the door and let them go off. She looked at Skye. "What can I do to help?" she asked with a smile.

"Go throw a fit in the press. We can't."

"Done," she sad, waving a hand. "Started that last night." She smirked a tiny bit. "I also went to diplomatically chew on Thor for forgetting he promised to keep Asgard's shit up there."

Skye winced. "He won't be happy."

"I'm not happy. Though it did feel pretty great to beat that whore from up there." She walked off. "Let me go make sure people know Barnes might need help."

"Sure, thanks," she said, smiling and waving at her back. She looked at the other agents. "Why isn't she one of us?"

"She's a social justice sort," one of them said. "She wanted to work with charities."

Skye nodded. "She's going to be a scary mom some year."

"Only if HYDRA gets her," that agent quipped.

The others stared at him. "That's her?" Lance Hunter demanded with a point.

"Yeah, that's the one HYDRA wants to bear super soldier babies."

"Wow," Skye said. She shook her head. "Maybe she's got a lot of skills we can borrow on occasion."

"You tell Coulson. He tends to avoid her," Lance said. Melinda walked up to them. "Barnes went after Banner."

"Great."

"Lewis offered to come with him to help," Skye said.

"I'm pretty sure if she wanted to she could do some damage," Melinda May agreed. They followed the caravan of heros going to rest at home. Just in case someone tried to do something stupid.

They really had to talk about Stark's drones with lasers later. They were handy but creepy. Helpful but creepy.

***

Darcy was let into the room Barnes had put Banner into, kneeling beside the bed. "Hey, big guy." She petted over his hair, making Bruce wake up. "Hey." He glared at her. "Barnes rescued you from the idjits." He slumped but nodded. "We're halfway home. Everyone else is there and accounted for. You're going to be okay. You're wearing the sedatives out."

"Am I whole?"

"They took some blood and bone marrow it looks like. You're not missing anything external that we can tell. Do you feel like you're missing your liver or something?"

He snorted, shaking his head, but holding his forehead. "I have a headache."

"Sedatives, Brucie." She patted his hand and stood up, handing him a bottle of gatorade. "You lost about ten pounds in the week they had you."

"Crap." She helped him sit up to drink that. He gulped it and moaned, holding his stomach. "I need to do that slower."

"You do what you gotta do," she assured him, staring at him. "You've got a day and a half of traveling by car. Just me, Barnes, and you. The few that helped him rescue you have already been evacuated back to NYC since it was official sorts that had you hostage." She stroked over his hair again, then pointed at the table. "Soft stuff, but protein heavy? And a few sweets to pack on that weight?"

He looked at the pastry then at her. "How is that protein?"

"It's mincemeat." He smiled slightly but shook his head. "I figured you could eat that."

"I can eat that," he agreed. "Thank you, Darcy."

"You're welcome and I'm making sure you make it back up there to them. I have to get my backup phone from Stark anyway. I leant it to him while he was locked in his room in the hospital."

"That sucks," he agreed.

She kissed him on the temple. "I know. He does too. His jaw's partially wired shut. FRIDAY found you for us."

"I'll thank the AI later." He opened the second gatorade bottle and sipped it more slowly. "I...." He looked around the cheap motel room then at her. "Laying low?"

"Yeah. You've got some sweats to change into after your shower in there. We're leaving about three." He nodded, getting helped up and into the bathroom. She let him handle his own needs while she waited. He managed to shower and use the bathroom plus the toothbrush she had left in there, then came out to eat and finish off the third gatorade. He could rest for a few more hours.

***

Darcy looked at the security team at the avengers facility, not recognizing them. "Who are you guys?"

"Stark Security, ma'am. I need to see ID."

She held up her ID. "I'm Darcy Lewis."

"Ma'am, you're not on the allowed list at this time," the guard said.

Darcy called. "Pepper, can I come in?" She put her on speaker.

"Darcy is always allowed in, people," Pepper said coolly. "She's a former lab person. We adore Darcy. Let her and her compatriots in."

"Yes, ma'am," the guard said stiffly and let them in.

Barnes looked at her before driving in. "Wow," he said.

She smiled. "I'm a good girl."

"Sometimes," he quipped. "The dogs?"

"With Miss Elizabeth for a few hours more. I'll go back to pick them up later." They parked and she got out to help Bruce out since he was sore and couldn't move easily. "Here we are. One Avengers facility." She smiled at him. "Infirmary or your suite?"

"I hate the infirmary but I probably should," he admitted. He let her help him walk inside, nodding at them. "Cho."

"Banner," she greeted back, taking him from Darcy. "Are you okay?"

"Barnes said they took bone marrow and blood," Darcy said, handing over a picture. "When they found him. I've had him eating protein heavy and gatorade because he's lost weight. I started out with gatorade and mincemeat pastries for the protein and a bit of sweets to help him gain some back."

"That's wonderful," she agreed. "As long as he could hold it down."

"If he was more dehydrated I would've stuck with soup." She smiled at Bruce. "He ate about three hours ago. He's sore around his right side and his hip." She waved. "Let me go get my phone back so I can get the dogs."

"They're in the lounge," Dr. Cho said with a smile. "Clint had them gotten."

"Thanks. Mine too?" She nodded. "Even better. I miss my puppy and he likes to cuddle. Feel better, Doc." She went to check on her poor dog, who barked happily and climbed into her lap to cuddle. "I missed you too, Conor. You're a good dog." He cuddled her. She patted beside her, getting Lucky and Cutey hopping up next to her to get petted too. "You guys are all very good dogs. I missed you guys."

Bucky walked in, getting barked at. He paused to pet them then walked off. "Let me check on Stevie."

"Sure. I was going to head back tonight."

"That's fine," Bucky agreed. "It should be safe."

"We hope," she said dryly. "Have they found those minions?"

"Two of the six," an agent said as he came out of the kitchen. He stared at her. "Who're you?"

She smiled. "Darcy Lewis."

"Why are you here?"

She smirked at him. "Look me up. I have a SHIELD file."

"I can throw you out."

"I can kill you," Barnes warned. Then he smirked. "It'd be great stress relief since we don't know who you're with." The agent backed away slowly.

Steve limped out slowly, glaring at the agent. "Leave Bucky and Darcy alone. They're not part of the Avengers but they're helpful to us." He looked at Bucky. "Bruce?"

"Bit tired and sore. She took him to Cho in the infirmary."

"Good." He looked at Darcy. "Conor curled up with me last night."

"That's funny. He won't cuddle me when I'm asleep." She looked at her dog, who lapped her. "Okay, you can cuddle him and protect me. I know I'm cuter so I need more protection." She petted her baby again.

Steve smiled, shaking his head. "Sometimes, yeah. I can't be flirty like you are." He looked at Bucky. "I'm fine."

"I can see that," he said dryly, staring at him. "Limp and all?"

"Um...." He looked at himself then at Bucky. "I'm fine."

"Uh-huh." He pointed. "Go back to bed. I'll handle it for now."

"Thanks." He glared at the agent. Who walked off quickly. He smiled at Darcy, who grinned back. "Your apartment block okay?"

"The last time I was there it was okay but no power."

"They should have that on by now," Steve said, limping off with Bucky following him.

Darcy looked at the dogs, who all barked and got more pets.

Clint strolled out. "Hey, dogs." They all barked happily at him until he petted them. "Good dogs." He grinned at Darcy. "We have power as of tonight. So you can go back tomorrow."

"Did they remember the dog food?"

"Yeah. Though your apartment was broken into by someone. Miss Elizabeth used that when she ran out of the food you left for her." She nodded with a sigh. "So we'll go home tonight with Katie Kate." He went to get coffee.

"Agent Barton, you are not allowed caffeine yet," the AI said impatiently.

He looked up. "I get coffee or I'm going to blow up the agents who're glaring at us."

"I do not believe anyone would care if you did," the AI said dryly. "The doctors said no caffeine for another two days. We do have decaf you can make so you can ingest coffee flavor at least." He scowled. "I cannot let you harm yourself. That would mean you couldn't go home as soon."

"Whatever," he muttered, making decaf but writing on the pot with a grease pen that it was decaf. The others would kill him if he didn't. He came out to sit near Darcy and get his own dog to cuddle. Cutey sniffed and ran off to find someone else.

"Awww," Kate said with a grin as she joined them. "Cutey found Natasha again." She flopped down with a groan, laying on her side. "Cutey, come cuddle the human." She ran out to do that. She grinned at her dog. "Hey, baby. Make me feel better." Cutey laid on her stomach to be a warm spot while getting petted. Her dog was a great PMS helper.

Natasha came out, shaking her head at Kate and Cutey. "She's an adorable, fussy dog," she told Kate. "But I do not need it." Conor got down and came over to sniff Natasha then licked her arm that had stitches, making her flinch. He barked and knocked her down to lick her injuries for her. "Darcy," she said firmly.

She smiled at her. "I believe the dogs think you do need fussed over, Natasha. C'mon, Conor, let her nap. She needs to rest but she'll baby those later." Conor lapped one on Natasha's cheek then got back onto his human's lap to cuddle her. She gave him a dog treat from her bag for being so helpful.

Natasha sighed as she got up, going to get some water then going back to her room shaking her head. Clint looked up once she was out of hearing range. "FRIDAY, tell me you got that on film," he begged quietly.

"Of course I did, Agent Barton," the AI replied, sounding happy. "It was adorable."

"Thanks. Can you copy me a version?"

"I can do so. It's in your suite."

"Thanks." He went back to teasing his dog, getting lapped for it. He'd make a second copy later to send to Coulson. He probably needed some lighthearted moments.

Darcy smiled at Clint. "Did they ever show up to clean up their mess?"

"Lady Sif did," he told her. "She scowled that you were rude."

"Well, someone did promise," she said dryly. "His mother would probably be ashamed of him for that."

"Probably for promising to help us," Clint said. "They're all too happy to have him home."

"Hmm." She shrugged. "I tossed the beard hair I yanked out too."

Clint grinned. "Good job." She grinned back. Stark limped out looking like he was in a foul mood. "Lucky, look, it's Stark." Lucky hopped down to go nudge Stark's hand until he got a pet. Then Lucky pounced him to lap his face. Clint laughed.

"Clint, he's got bruised ribs," Pepper said, but she was filming it on her phone. She handed Darcy the one she had leant to Stark. "Thanks."

"Welcome." It got put into her bag and she went back to petting her dog.

"Okay, I love you too, fuzzy ass," Stark mumbled. Lucky got off him with a bark and went back to his human and the dog treat Darcy tossed him. Cutey got one too. Then Conor got a second one. Stark sat up with Pepper's help, looking at Clint. "Mean ass," he mumbled. He trudged into the kitchen and moaned. "Barton!"

"You are not allowed to have caffeine for a week, Mr. Stark," the AI said dryly. "You may have decaf coffee, it does have minimal amounts of caffeine in it so that should do you well. Until the doctor clears you it's decaf tea or coffee. You know that. We really must follow Doctor's orders," she finished with a bit of chipperness.

He glared at the ceiling then grunted and got some decaf, going to his suite again.

Pepper waited to giggle but followed him. "He's in such a grumpy mood from coming down from his caffeine addiction."

"He would probably nap if he had some encouragement," Darcy said with a smile for her. "It sure helped when I was sore the last time."

Pepper blinked. "I didn't think he was up to that but maybe." She went to check and Stark was more than happy to accept the hand job to put him back to sleep for now. Pepper cleaned them up and came out to talk to Darcy about things. It was so great Darcy could handle things.

***

When they were back in the city, Darcy was back at work for Pepper and the Maria Stark foundation so she had to deal with a grumpy Tony. She walked into his lab around lunch time, staring at him.

"Don't want any," he said, sounding pissed off.

"You only have to make two decisions about your mom's foundation's annual event. Black tie or not?"

He stared at her. "Why do I have to decide?"

"Because it's your mom's foundation," she said dryly. "You have to decide black tie event or not. And if you're doing a plate-charge dinner before then to raise money for that charity or others as well as hers." She put the papers in front of him.

"Do you think people would come? They're still mad at us about the last battle," he said, tossing down his penknife to stare at her.

She nodded. "It wasn't your fault Asgard came down here on spring break," she said dryly. "That's been put around often. Even Lady Sif told the press that were bothering her it wasn't your fault but you guys did an admirable job of handling things that Thor couldn't get to due to his present duties." She pulled it up on her phone to show him that press attack of the goddess.

Stark blinked, frowning at it. "That's nice of her."

"Everyone's said that. The only one that's still mad is the mayor. He thinks that they come here because you're here. Many people have pointed out you're here because they come here."

"True." He sighed, looking at the event. "A costume ball?"

"Pepper's idea. It's close to halloween and you can use the fees if you do the dinner for something like Make a Wish or some other children's charity." She shifted the pages. "If you wanted just black tie, this is the same as you do most years."

"I hate being typical," he said dryly.

She smiled. "Then hold a charity barbeque event." He blinked at her. She stared back and shrugged. "You can. It's your mom's foundation. Do what you think she would've been amused by."

"She didn't like black tie events but she had to endure them."

"We all feel like that. Gowns aren't comfy jammies, Tony."

"Point." He looked over the ideas. "The barbeque idea?"

"Came from someone on the board. Cheaper to throw, less per plate or serving brought in, and you can donate the leftovers to a few shelters."

He considered that. "That might be nice but a black tie after that would seem weird."

"If you have a few hours between them it could help. Do that charity dinner as a late lunch?"

"That might be nice. Half could probably go to the rebuilding fund I guess." He frowned, looking it over. "How long do I have to make a decision?"

"Two hours. The foundation's board meets later this afternoon." He scowled at her. She stared back. "You weren't up to dealing with it last week and we all realize that, Tony. Your jaw just got released two days ago."

"Point. I guess." He sighed. "Why do I give it out on my mother's birthday?"

"Because it's to honor your mom and since she didn't win any major awards, this is uniquely her date. With whoever else was born on that date of course but uniquely hers in relation to your family."

"Point. I guess." He sighed. "I don't want to throw one. It'll look wrong." He looked at her.

"Okay. Do you want to do the charity food thing? That's not uniquely related to the Maria Stark foundation and you can benefit other charities. If you had to, you could announce the awards during it."

He shrugged. "I'll consider it." He walked off.

"Okay. Let me know in the next few hours. Want some tylenol?"

"No, I've had plenty," he said dryly.

"You're watching over the liver problems, right?" she asked patiently. He glared at her. "What? It can cause liver damage." She shrugged. "We all heard that." She gathered up the papers. "Eat something too please. Pepper told me to nag you."

He snorted but let her go and got back to what he was doing. About an hour later, his favorite chinese food was being delivered by security. He stared at the note that wasn't how Pepper would've worded something, even though it was sent in her name. He checked to make sure it wasn't drugged then sat down to eat and think. He texted Lewis to come talk to him. She walked in pulling back her hair with a hairband in her teeth. "You didn't have to order me dinner."

"I didn't. Pepper's assistant did when she told her to. I'm just barely back in the tower after meeting with two major donors who're hating on everyone this week."

He winced. "Why are they hating us?"

"The idiot minions destroyed the park they paid to have put in."

"Oh, that." He nodded with a grimace. "You didn't order me anything?"

"I pulled up what you used to eat for her and let her decide. I see she picked Thai?"

"Chinese," he said, eating another bite. He stared at her. "What new assistant?"

"Melinda."

"Who?"

"The short, blonde woman who looks like she's pregnant and isn't?"

"I haven't seen her." He called up security footage. She came over to point. "Huh. Is she any good?"

"Four degrees." He looked at her. "All in humanities. One in psychology. She's right out of her last degree. She does a lot of liaisoning between the various departments. Except the labs. One of your minions nearly blew her up when she walked into his lab to charm a report out of him."

"She should do like you did and threaten to lock us out of the labs if we didn't provide them," he said sarcastically. Then he ate another bite.

She smiled. "It worked didn't it?"

"Point. I guess." He looked her over then her hair. "Board meeting?"

"Yeah. I need to be presentable." She finished pulling up her hair into a better bun. "Need me to tell them anything?"

"No. I think it'd be wrong to hold it while we're doing so much rebuilding. I'm thinking about the multi-charity dinner though. Or lunch or whatever. They need to give me a week on that."

"Okay, I'll let them know."

"Did you know that Pepper babied me?"

She smiled. "I suggested a tiny bit would help you rest but I'm pretty sure she realizes that you never got fussed over when you were injured before. She nagged you about them mostly." He nodded, eating another bite. "Be a good boy."

He snorted, smirking evilly at her. "Me? A good boy?"

She smirked. "Well, try anyway. Pretend like you're Bruce." She walked off.

He settled in to eat and plot. That was almost a challenge to cause a bit of hell. Though he'd spare Pepper because he never wanted her mad at him.

***

Darcy smiled at the board as they walked in. "Good afternoon. I'm Darcy, I'm filling in for Pepper's assistant this time." They nodded at her as they sat down. Pepper came in scowling. "Huge problems?"

"Stark's building an emergency kit." She settled in her seat, looking at the others. "We're here about the Maria Stark Foundation's yearly event. Darcy, you talked to Tony about it?"

"I did. He felt doing the black tie event was improper due to the damage being fixed right now." They groaned and a few winced. "I did float the idea of a multi-charity dinner or luncheon. Even if he wanted to hold a barbeque event since that was a suggestion given. He said to give him a week to think about that."

Pepper nodded. "It would look cold of us to be holding a charity giving event that had nothing to do with the current problems going on I suppose. We can introduce the grants some other way."

"I also pointed out if he was that concerned, a multi-charity fundraiser could send some toward the rebuilding fund," Darcy told her.

She smiled and nodded. "Not a bad idea. A barbeque?"

"Simonal suggested it during the information idea meeting."

"Oh, that meeting. I remember most of it." She shifted in her seat to cross her legs. "All right, so we need to decide on who's getting the grants this year. We need to figure out how we're gifting them formally. Then we need to do some searching to make sure that the chosen charities won't bite us somehow with some underlying issue. We've had that happen before."

Darcy looked over all the possible on the list. She made a note on them so they were projected. "These ones I know do work with shelters, mostly family shelters. These three are education related," she said. Then she crossed one out. "That one's been in the press because they're apparently discriminatory." She looked at Pepper after crossing out another one. "I don't think they need that."

"They could use it," one of them complained. "We decided on them."

Darcy looked at her then smiled. "My mother might be honored but she'd say it needs to go to people who're making a bigger impact in the world than I am in her name." The woman flinched. She smiled. "Give me a few years to be doing more than gifting small grants. Then nominate me."

"I can see how that would happen," she said, clutching her pearls.

"Yes, this is Darcy DeCriths, most of the time Lewis," Pepper introduced. "She does charity work anyway and was looking for a new one to work for since there was pressure from the troll uptown to fire her for promised grants he's never paid. I needed someone who knew what they were doing."

Darcy shrugged a bit. "I'm still handling my mother's foundation at night but we're still building up to a full fledged endeavor. The only thing I don't know about is the government paperwork and I'm still figuring that stuff out."

A few smiled at her. "At least you do have an idea. Usually Pepper's assistants are there to do research for us."

"Oh, I do that too," she quipped with a smile. "It's really handy." Her phone was beeping a warning sound so she looked at it. "Oh, dear. One of the running idiot minions pulled up a huge octopus and put it onto the troll's tower. So apparently he's pissed off others as well as me." She answered quickly then put her phone up. "I'm sure Sif will have a lot of fun with that."

"That's kind of mean," Pepper told her. "To make Lady Sif deal with the troll."

She smiled back. "I doubt he'll try to molest her the way he did me."

"Hopefully she'll cut off his hand if he does try," Pepper agreed. Another warning sound. "The other minions?"

She looked then sighed. "The idiot troll pulled out weapons he shouldn't have. Huge weapons he shouldn't have." She looked at her. "Want me to tell him?"

"Please. He's pouty today."

"He's still healing. His jaw's still killing him." She got up and went to talk to Stark. She walked into the lab. "FRIDAY, lose the tunes and turn on the local news please?" Stark flinched but looked at the screen. He burst out laughing. "FRIDAY, the weapons," she said. That made him quit laughing and look. Then he moaned. She looked at him. "Can you call someone?"

"I can," he agreed. "Or I can go disarm the pathetic Hammer trash."

She walked over to look at him. "You're not healed yet," she said quietly. He snorted. "You can't bend down to disarm anything, Tony. Call someone and be a teacher?"

"Maybe," he said dryly. "I can go as myself instead of as Iron Man."

"Thanks." She squeezed his wrist. "Cap's been bouncy in the gym according to a growling security guy."

"No, it might hurt him." She nodded and stepped back. "You care if I get hurt?"

"Yeah. You're an old friend. Why wouldn't I?" She stared at him. "And really, I'm saving Sif from having to cut off his hands for trying to grope her."

"That might be nice." He went to change clothes and went to handle it as an expert. She was right, he was too tired and sore to be active in his suit. He got out at the boundary the NYPD had put up and walked through them, making a few glare. "I can disarm the weapons," he quipped. Lady Sif turned to stare at him. "Hammer Industries puts out trashy materials but there's a small chance it might work. We'd hate to blow you up, Sif."

"Thank you, Stark." She stared at his face. "Are you all right?"

"Two days off a partially broken jaw," he said dryly with a grimace. "How's Thor and Jane? And Emma of course."

She grimaced. "He's very mad at Lady Darcy."

"If Darcy chewed him a new one, it was her right." He stared at her. "If you had made that promise, we would've chewed on you too."

"Point," she admitted. "She could have been more diplomatic."

Tony stared at her. "We sent her before we sent someone who was growling with an injury, Sif." She grimaced but nodded. "Darcy can be diplomatic if she wants to be but she had the right to chew on him for forgetting he had made that promise and not keeping your people's problems up there. Or the other one."

"We saw that hair. We know not who it came from."

"Ask the SHIELD people. They have him in custody." He went to look at the weapons, pulling over the guy in the bomb squad suit. "It's Hammer tech."

"That figures," the bomb squad guy said. "Do you know how to disarm them?"

"Yes I do. It's all shitty tech." He gave him a look. "Though it figures that he bought that trash." The NYPD guy was trying not to laugh. "Let's start with that one since it's active and it's a crapshoot if it'll go off as more than lights." They got to work on them and got the artillery all disarmed. People came to protest them taking it into custody but Tony punched one. Tony stared down at the younger troll. "That's for the women you probably assaulted last night. In your case, blood told." He went back to work.

The Mayor stomped over. "What are you doing?" he demanded.

"Keeping your friend, the internet troll, from blowing up the city," he said dryly. "It's kinda the job we do some days." Steve stomped over. "Cap, no. Your shield might spark and set something off."

"I can keep it on my back and covered," he said, doing that with some help from Sif. "Thank you, Lady Sif. Do you want help with the dying octopus?"

She pointed. "It's dead but large and smelly now."

"We can have it hauled off," Steve promised. He looked at the stuff. "Stark, I can hear a whine," he said with a point.

Tony moved to check, finding it after a few cases. "Shit."

"That's not the one I heard," Sif admitted. The bomb squad officer came over to find the other ones. They got them disarmed and broken then went back to the other ones. Sif looked at Steve. "Are you well?"

"Now," he admitted. "After four days in the hospital and then a week of limping." She winced. "Thankfully we managed the main problem after Darcy pounced her to beat her like a girl fighting other girls. We were mostly down so she beat her like they were having a bar fight." He grimaced then sighed. "Thankfully we managed to break her scepter first. Her minions were cheering on the girls fighting because they wanted them to tear clothes."

Sif grimaced. "Minions are often stupid. I have not seen the coverage of that yet. No one will let me." Tony threw his phone at Steve so he could look it up. She watched it, grimacing at what was going on. Then she stiffened, staring at the raging old man. "That is Odin," she said quietly.

He looked at her. "We noticed that." She stared at him. He stared back. "No clue otherwise. Ask SHIELD."

She handed the phone back, going to find a SHIELD agent. Coulson himself was waiting on her. "Odin is sitting on his throne," she said.

Coulson nodded. "Supposedly. Some people can see through illusions when they drink mead apparently."

"Then who is it?"

He stared at her then sighed. "Loki."

"It's impossible. He's dead!"

He blinked a few times. "There must be some way to make sure of that." He pointed. "I can lead you to the jail. He's partially catatonic. Won't answer any questions or anything anyone says to him."

"Is he in Odin Sleep?"

"No. He's staring at a wall." He led her down there, letting her see that prisoner.

She stared at him. "Father Odin," she said quietly. He stared at her. "Prove to me who you are and I will tell you of your wife's ghost."

He stood up, stomping over. "She bothers others?"

"She had Thor recalled with his wife and child. We thought you still sitting on your throne."

"No. I ...I went on a quest of peace after losing her." He looked at himself then at her. "Sif, I..."

"If you are injured, we will get you treated."

"Some wounds are not healed, Sif."

"As I understand but have not felt." She stared at him. "None understood when Lady Darcy threw your hair at the throne's feet after nagging Thor for forgetting his promise to keep Asgard's problems on Asgard or fight them if they came down here."

He snorted. "I would yell at such myself. I cut the hair off."

She nodded once, stepping back. "Father Odin, I will find the one on your throne's identity."

"It matters not," he said bluntly. "Nothing can change Asgard wrongly."

She stared at him oddly. "They could if it was your second son."

"Nay. It is set so even if I died and Thor could not come back, it would run for now. Would my wife's ghost know of that?"

"Probably," she admitted. "She and the supposed you were meeting in private when Thor and Jane came up with his daughter."

Odin stared at her. "I have a granddaughter?"

"You do. Emma. She is three and mouthy but not interested in science or being a warrior yet."

He smiled slightly. "Frigga would have loved a granddaughter. She always wanted a daughter to fuss over." He went back to the bed to sit down. "I will rest now, Sif."

"I will talk to Thor, All Father."

"Nay. He needs peace at the moment." He stared at her.

"If I do not, there's those who would harm your granddaughter," she said bluntly. "For her half-human heritage."

Odin grimaced. "There's many of us that need to awaken to the rest of the universe. I hope they do not have to do so when my son implants his hammer in their skulls but perhaps after the first one they will learn."

"Nay, they have not," she said bluntly. "Twice now." Odin winced. She looked at Coulson. "Can I bring him home?"

"He's not under charges but we kept him to keep him safely away from those who would use him as a test subject and to see if he needed help." He opened the door. "If you take him home, that's up to you, Sif. I trust you to have sense."

She nodded. "I do. I will bring him to my home to rest and heal." She looked at Odin, who stared at her. "I do not just live in the palace, All Father."

"True. You are a good woman, Sif, and a wonderful warrior. Make your life about more than that before you find you missed on everything important." He stood up. "I missed years with Frigga while warring with others," he said quietly. "There's many regrets I have and would gladly do over if I could."

"I'm still trying to find someone who is worthy of me, Odin. Should I, I'll gladly appreciate them in my life as often as I can." He nodded, patting her on the arm. "Come, let me get you to my home." She nodded at Coulson. "Thank thee," she said quietly.

"It's not a problem, Sif. Though we would rather not see Loki back down here unless he's saving the universe."

"I said I would behead him if he harmed Thor. Perhaps I'll just punch him instead." Odin snorted, shaking his head but went with her. She led him to a clear field. "Heimdall." The bridge came down and he walked over to meet them. "You knew," she said bluntly, staring at him.

"I do see all," he said. "It has been allowed to go on because it cured some strife." He helped Odin onto the bridge then Sif. "Your wife's ghost is agitated today but mostly about Emma having some sort of fever." He took them back to Asgard. "Sif, the Council would like a report on what happened."

She nodded. "It was not pretty. I finally got shown footage of it earlier." She took Odin to her home then came back after grabbing a few things she would need. She reported to the Council's chambers, looking at them. "Thankfully I copied the news coverage to my own device on my way to SHIELD's base." She let them see it, including Thor and Jane. She looked at Thor. "Two of the minions stole a sea creature to threaten someone with and let it die." He shook his head with a grimace. "I talked with Captain Rogers as well. He is now well, after over a week of healing." Thor slumped, staring at her. "Stark was not jovial or even smug as he disabled his enemy's weapons."

"Oh, dear." He went back to watching it, staring at Darcy jumping the young woman. "Why did she do that?"

"Because no one else was," Sif said. "No one else stepped in to stop her." She ended it once the minions had run off. Before Odin appeared to throw a fit. She put it back into her bag, looking at Thor again. "We should talk."

Thor looked at her. "You can accompany me back," he noted. He looked at Jane, who smiled and nodded. "Can Emma travel?"

"Yup. It'll do her good to get away from the people I have to kill." Thor nodded. Sif looked at her so Jane looked back. "Someone tried to sic their animal on her earlier."

"Hmm. Darcy has a dog as does Clint and the nice Kate."

"Perhaps she'll learn to like dogs," Thor decided. "Thank thee for the report, Sif. I will be going back with you tonight."

"That's fine. We can eat before we go, Thor." He nodded and left with Jane to pack them up. She looked at the Council. "Need you anything else?"

"Nay," one said quietly. "Are they all healed?"

"I have not talked to many of them." She shrugged. "They are keeping safe at the moment." She bowed slightly and left to talk to her other friends. They all wanted to come with Thor and Jane, and adored Emma. Hogun had saved her earlier when the animal tried to attack.

Sif met up with Thor that night on a balcony. "Come, we must talk," she said. She looked at Jane and Emma. "Fandral, we will meet you on the bridge in an hour?"

"As you wish," he quipped, walking off with their packs and the others.

Sif took them to her house, letting Thor walk in first. Thor stared at who was sitting at her table. "Father," he said quietly. "I...."

Odin looked at him. "I realized what he did, Thor," he said. "It will not cause any problems for Asgard right now." He stood up to hug him. "I am on a quest to find healing and peace."

"Mother's ghost is floating around the palace," he told him. "I can have Jane summon her."

"I... I would have disappointed her, Thor." He looked at him. "I was not the husband I should have been. Learn from my mistakes?"

"Of course. I am always there for my Jane and our daughter." He walked out and brought her in with Emma. "Jane, my father."

Jane blinked at him. "Odin, are you well?" she asked quietly.

"No," he said, looking at her. "You are a fierce defender of my son, Jane Foster. I like you for that much alone, even if I do worry about what happens when you leave him."

"Father, we are merging. We're just over halfway through the ritual," Thor said with a smile for his wife.

Odin smiled. "That will be good, son. That means you cannot be left behind." He looked at the child. "You are something your grandmother would have wanted, young girl. She always wanted a daughter to dress up and teach girlish things to."

"Grandma and I talk all the time," she said, smiling at him. "She helps me do my hair." He nodded, carefully hugging her. She hugged him harder. "Hugs heal things," she reminded him. "Mommy taught me that." She pulled back to look at him. "Grandma would beat you to death with a shoe for pouting."

He smiled. "She was feisty that way, yes." He cuddled her, looking at the couple. "Make sure she grows up worthy of your hammer so therefore the throne, my son," he said quietly. "We can have a queen for the first time."

Thor smiled. "They all wanted Jane to have a son but her body is not liking that state very much, Father."

"A spare heir is important but not important enough to harm her, Son. One will come to be when necessary, even if you do adopt one as I did. Though, do not let prophecies rule your lives. It can sometimes be odd and weird."

"I find most of them to be less reasonable than my goat's droppings," he admitted. Odin smiled and nodded. "We must go back with Sif, Father."

"That's fine. I will be questing to find peace for a while yet, Thor. If you're needed, we will summon you back. With what happened, I can see why you adopted Darcy. She is quite the woman, and mouthy. See if she'll give you a spare heir."

"I'd hate that," Jane said. "And so would Darcy. She's fighting people who want to force her to breed for them."

Odin grimaced. "I heard some of the agents talking of that subject. Hopefully they are gone soon, Jane Foster." He stared at her. "You must be a fierce guardian of more than his life. You must also guard his heart. It is what Frigga did for me when battles became too frequent."

"Of course I do."

"Good." He smiled at his granddaughter. "You are special and wanted. No matter what those who need sunlight introduced into their brains think." She smiled. "Go with your father, Emma. Be safe and well. I'll see you soon." She nodded, going to climb up her father to cuddle him. "Be safe, Thor. Things are difficult right now but may become worse later."

"I will, Father. Write or call if you wish."

"I will, or perhaps visit. Midgard is not like our past. They have many amusing things." He nodded and they left, Sif handing him something before following the family. He unwrapped the picture of Sif with Frigga, smiling at it. His wife's ghost floated in and he stared at her. "I quested for peace," he said quietly.

"I have nothing to give you peace with, Odin. Have you found it in other places?"

"Not yet," he said. "Though I do appreciate and like our granddaughter so far."

She smiled. "She is sweet and strong. She'll make a fine queen."

"The first of Asgard to rule," he agreed. She gasped. "You proved to me constantly that women were worthy and able to rule, Frigga. I may be hidebound but not that way." She smiled and nodded. "We can talk if you are not tired."

"I do not get tired any longer, Odin. That is a mortal problem."

He nodded, settling to talk to her. They had much to clean up before he could rest with peace.

***

Darcy looked up at the sound of thunder, shaking her head at the assistant's look. "FRIDAY, was that Thor?" she asked.

"Yes," the AI said. "Plus his friends, wife, and child, Darcy."

"Thank you. Tell them I said welcome back to Midgard and everyone's in the movie room."

"I can do that." The AI cleared her throat up there. Thor blinked at the speaker. "I'm FRIDAY, Lord Thor. Darcy Lewis said welcome back to Midgard and all your friends are in the movie suite."

"Thank you," Thor told her. "Are they well?"

"They are all healed."

"Excellent. We will help them stop those other minions," Sif told him with a smirk.

"Please do as they are annoying a subway station today," the AI said dryly. "The locals have not asked for help yet."

Thor kissed Jane and Emma on the cheeks and nodded, swinging his hammer. "We will go make sure they know what true Asgardians are like, FRIDAY. Please lead my wife and child to the movie suite?"

"Of course, Lord Thor. Lady Jane, they're in the next floor down to the east and up the two stairs."

"Thank you," she said. "Be safe, Thor. And the rest of you too. I can't bandage like Darcy can." She walked off with her daughter. The Asgardians went to beat the stupid minions that hadn't been captured yet. She found the movie suite and something boring playing while almost no one paid any attention. She sat down in a seat and let Emma down, pointing at someone.

Her daughter gave her an evil smirk and snuck over there to pounce someone, staring up at him. "Why can't they just blow up the walking trees?" she asked.

"Because Middle Earth doesn't have explosives," Tony said, sitting up to hug her. "Welcome back, Jane. Hi, Emma."

She grinned. "Hi, Unclie Tony." She smiled at the others and waved, getting one back from everyone. She heard a bark and flinched, climbing up Tony to sit on his shoulder. "Is it mean?"

"No, Lucky's not mean, Emma," Clint said. "Lucky, c'mere." He got up and came trotting over to his human. He took Emma from Tony's shoulder, putting her into his lap. "Most dogs are friendly but you should never try to pet a stray and always ask their human if they can be petted," he said. "This is Lucky, he's my dog, and you can pet him. Lucky, this is Emma. She's tiny so behave." Lucky sniffed her then lapped her. Emma squeaked but stared at him. "Here, you pet a dog this way," he said, taking her hand to pet Lucky's ear, making him groan and lean on his thigh. "See, he likes it and you." He grinned at her.

"That's still a big animal," she said, staring up at him. "They're mean."

"They're not mean. Most dogs aren't mean and if someone tried to have a mean animal attack you I'll put an arrow in them for you. The animals here in the tower aren't mean. Especially not Lucky or Cutey."

"I think Bishop brought her little dog home," Tony said, looking back at them. "Emma, most dogs are nice and protective."

She bit her lip. "I guess I'll get used to them then." She leaned forward to pet Lucky again, getting lapped. "Eww, drool!" She sighed, looking at him. "Is that necessary?"

Jane laughed. "Yes, dear. Dogs lap when they like you."

"Oh. Okay. I guess that's okay too." She petted him and Lucky didn't lap her. Clint let her stand up. Lucky was as tall as she was and he sniffed her again then let her pet his ear some more. That got another careful lap and she just hugged him. He knocked her down to cuddle her, making her squeak again but she could pet him this way she guessed. "You're really furry. Not like horses are." She petted him until he snored. "Are you taking a nap?" she asked, looking up at Clint. "He's snoring like Daddy!"

"He does that when he's comfy and napping. He thinks you're sweet. We'll teach you how to play with him later."

"Okay. That's okay, right, Mom?"

"That's fine, dear." She looked at Stark. "We're back for a while and Thor brought his buddies."

"That's fine, Jane. We can get her a nanny again." She smiled at that. "I'll see if her last one is available." He sent a text message to Pepper about that. "Pepper's in Malibu again but she said she'd look tonight."

"That's fine. I can handle it tonight." She looked around. "It's really quiet."

"Labs are shut down today due to an exhaust fan problem that'll be fixed late tomorrow," Tony said. "Only the office staff here and Darcy's working with Pepper about the foundation so she's downstairs somewhere. I'll tell her you're here."

"She sent a greeting with FRIDAY."

"Awww." He sent a text message anyway and Darcy came up to hug her. Tony got pounced by Conor, making him look at him. "Why are you here?"

"Because I had to take him to the vet's to get stitches out," she said dryly. "Hi, Emma." She waved under Lucky's head. "Conor, get off Tony. Come meet Emma. We protect Emma from everything we can." The dog hopped down and came to sniff Emma, who stared up at him. "Conor's really sweet and won't hurt you, Emma. He's had some ouchies recently so don't touch anything that's shaved but he's a good boy."

She let Conor lap her, which woke up Lucky. They both lapped her. "Lots and lots of drool," she said, wiggling some. Darcy tickled her, making her squeal and get away. The dogs rushed after her to play chase. Emma grinned and ran faster, letting them all chase her. She finally got pounced by Lucky, who sat on her butt to lap her hair. "You winned." She looked at Conor, who lapped her face for her. "Thank you I guess."

Darcy smiled and winked at the kid, taking Conor with her. "C'mon. We'll go clock out for the day in case Jane wants to do dinner."

"We ate before we came back but we can have lunch tomorrow."

"I have a two o'clock meeting but we can do that." She hugged Jane. "Welcome back." She waved. "I'm done for the day. Let me get back to Bed-Stuy and fixing the problems that someone nicely gave my door." She left with her dog, talking to him about Jane and Emma.

Jane looked at Stark. "Wow."

"The was some looting after the problem," Clint told her. "We both got broken in on but her security system got most of them. They only got her tv and laptop. She's getting the security company to come check everything tonight."

"That makes sense. Is she still being hunted?"

"One sent her a note of appreciation of how well her future baby daddy was training her," Clint said dryly. "Showed it to Bucky and he threw a fit so that one's hopefully waiting in the line to hell."

Natasha looked back at Jane. "He is." She looked at Clint. "Her specialized security system is broken?"

"Not totally. Her safe room door got kicked a few times by someone. They broke her fridge. They broke the front door so the shock system's down."

"Shock system?" Jane asked dryly.

"Yeah, you touch the door wrong without using the code and it knocks you back down the stairs," he said with a smirk. "It's very handy."

"She can still expand it to the under-door area," Scott said from his seat. "Because it doesn't touch down there yet."

Clint grinned at him. "She might've done that on purpose for you."

"Could be," he agreed. He smirked some at Stark. "I heard a rumor I had to stop earlier before I let Steve smack someone."

"What now?" Stark sighed.

"That Pepper was going to hire Darcy as our team stress relief. According to them, someone in Legal is drawing up the contract."

Stark blinked a few times. "Um...no. Just...no. I'll fix that shit tonight and tomorrow." Scott grinned at him. "I don't think she'd mind if anyone flirted with her and hit on her, but we're not hiring her as stress relief. I'll make sure Pepper knows that's going around now." He sent that to her and she sent back a 'I'll fix that'. "Pepper's not pleased either." He shook his head, looking at the kid staring at him. "What's up, shorty?"

She snorted. "I'm perfectly normal."

He leaned closer to her. "No you're not. You're really exceptional. We don't do normal around here, Emma." He smirked at her. "Therefore we know you're more than exceptional." She snorted but patted him on the cheek. "Seriously. Ask your mom."

"We had to fight with some of the courtiers," Jane told him. "By human standards, you are ahead, Emma."

"Really?" Jane nodded. "Huh. Cool I guess." She skipped off, going to let the dog sniff her again. He was snoring so she sat next to him to pet him. He shifted over to put his head in her lap so she petted him better while she hummed.

Jane smiled at the group, who mostly grinned back. "She's learning how to read, people."

"We can teach her words," Stark said. His phone beeped so he uploaded the news to the movie screen, letting them watch Thor drag out the minions to be arrested while his buddies dragged the other three. Sif had one and two of the guys had one. The other one was fussing over his bleeding nose but kicked one of the minions on the hip for it. The agents responding quickly loaded them up and let Thor tell them what had happened. They had to remove a dead whale from the subway station but it'd be open once they did. The minions hadn't done a lot of damage.

"The minions give other ones a bad name," Scott quipped. "Even the yellow ones are better than those ones are."

"Don't tempt someone to find magic to turn them into those sort," Jane shot back. "Asgard can do that."

"If so, we're giving them to a bunch of child geniuses," Clint said dryly. "They can tame the minions. Stark, if you have kids we can give them those minions."

"My kids will make their own minions, Barton. They don't need some ready made for them." He got up and walked off, calling Pepper about that situation with legal. FRIDAY had given his phone a copy of the contract someone was trying to make.

***

Darcy came in the next morning and instantly had a text message from Stark to come to the labs. She sighed but logged in at her desk then went to the labs. "Okay, I'm here, what's the emergency?"

He turned to look at her, Pepper on the screen behind him. "Has anyone talked to you about another position within the company?"

"No. I've heard the usual rumors that I'm stress relief," she said, leaning her hip against a table. "Has someone insinuated I was more?"

"Someone was making a contract in Legal to create a job opening," Pepper said. "They said you agreed."

"No." She shook her head. "Even if I might not mind knocking a few of the guys into bed, or Natasha for that matter, I know what not interested means, Pepper. I'd never push it and they're all adult enough to come ask me for some fun times. I'm picky, not stupid. And I'm not going to let that happen, especially since most of them have significant others."

"Thank you," Stark said with a sigh, smiling at her. "We traced back the talk to someone talking to you in the caf."

She frowned, shaking her head. "The only talk I've had with another employee in the caf that related to business stuff was one asking how you applied to move up to an executive assistant position instead of hers in HR. I told her about the hiring board." Stark queued up the video for her. She frowned. "That's not me, Stark. Wrong hair."

He enlarged it onto a virtual screen, then stared at it. "That's not you. Who is that?"

"Harvana in Chem," Darcy said. "We used to joke about us being missing twins." She scratched her ear. "And she's not talking about another position. It looks like she's interviewing?"

Tony replayed it, staring at it. "It does. She's talking about an assistant's position."

"That's the same one that asked me about how to apply for better jobs," Darcy admitted, frowning at it. She looked at Pepper's image, shrugging some. She shook her head. "Interesting I guess. I'm still only for fun, not for permanent things right now because no one's interested in dating me. Apparently I have stress." Tony shot a glare at her. "Seriously! Even in the club, couldn't get hit on. The most action I saw was dancing with Clint's ex-wife and some of her team. Then Clint."

Stark blinked at her. "Seriously? That night?"

"Yeah, that night. A few different clubs, didn't get any play. The girls got some play at one." She shrugged one-sidedly. "It happens. I'm not in the prime of clubbing years anymore."

Stark shook his head with a sigh. "If you wanted a spot as stress relief, we might all agree on you."

She moved closer to punch him on the arm, making him yelp. "I'm not a pro, Stark. I don't charge for it and being paid for it would make it dirty. Besides, most of them are dating and I'm not a trashy ho. I know what taken means and I know that they're not interested because no one ever flirts back with me." She stared at him. "You couldn't pay me enough to unleash my spectacular skills. Much less the minuscule paycheck you hand out to your minions.

"Beyond that, that'd mean I'd have to give you blowjobs and ewww, I remember seeing you when your tiny little speedos got shredded while water skiing. That's how I found out dicks weren't all that the books cracked them up to be," she said sarcastically. "Because you're not a porn star. That's not sexually transmitted no matter how many you've had in your sheets. Or other places."

"Mouthy ass bitch," he complained but he was smiling. "I'm good and big enough to be one."

She snorted, waving a hand. "Barnes has more and I've only see his in sweats."

He rolled his eyes, getting away from her. Pepper was giggling so hard she was snorting and trying not to snot up. He looked at Pepper's image then her. "So how do you want to deal with this? I'd rather not have to settle a lawsuit."

Darcy smiled, pinching him on the cheek. "Thanks for letting me know I have to unleash my semi-evil leanings on someone in Legal, Tony." She strolled off, taking her phone with her on the way down there. She smiled at the head of Legal, who was giving her a dirty look. "Great, you're here. We need to talk about someone who didn't talk to me about changing my job title. Because I'm too fabulous to be a whore for the team and I'm not paid to go onto my knees or my back. So which of your minions do we have to talk to since they talked to a chemist, not me."

The head of legal blinked at her. "What?" she demanded. Darcy pulled up the file Stark sent her, holding it up. "I.... I did not authorize that."

"Neither did I," Darcy said with a smile. "Thankfully! So who?"

"Um...I'll bring him to my office."

"Great!" She smiled. "I can wait on his sleeziness with you. Especially since he didn't even have the class to ask me if I wanted that sort of job. By the security footage Pepper found, he talked to a chemist who looks like me."

She winced. "Are you going to sue us?"

"No, sweetie, I'm going to make him sorry in other ways." She smiled. "I'm creative that way." She smirked. "Stark asked me not to sue the idiot minion you have."

"Thanks, I think." She pointed. "My office." She went to find that junior lawyer so she could yell at him then hand him to Lewis to ruin.

"Everyone knows women like her don't get anywhere on their toes," a loud, male voice said.

Darcy came out of the office. "Gee, and yet I have *three* degrees," she said dryly, smirking at him. "You didn't even talk to me. You talked to a chemist. That's very rude, young man." The lawyer stomped out to try to menace her but she kneed him in the nuts, making him fall down with a groan. "Feel lucky I don't have my tazer with me. I could do the same to you that I did to a politician sort." The guy shrank away from her, shaking his head.

"Awww, are you friends with him?" she cooed. "Such a nasty habit that is. There's been a lot of them that have went down thanks to be friendly with him. Are you next? I mean, the lead prosecutor for Manhattan. A few lawyers. Some of HYDRA actually. A few minor politicians.... Are you next?" He whined and started to cry. "Awww, are you more than his buddy? Is he screwing you because you're a mimbo?"

"Miss Lewis," the head lawyer complained. "He's crying. Isn't that enough?"

She smiled at her then at the guy. "Are you HYDRA too, dude?"

He shook his head frantically. "No! Not HYDRA. Never! They're evil, we just want the world to have protectors in the future!"

She stared at him. "Really?" she asked dryly. "Hey, FRIDAY, can you tell Stark that please?"

The AI cleared her throat. "He's been watching while eating popcorn, Miss Lewis. He said he knows nothing about this new group but if you find out things, please inform him of them."

"I can do that. I didn't learn a lot from Natasha but I can pretend enough to make someone like you talk." He tried to get up and she kicked him then hauled him off to the office to talk to him. The head lawyer followed to make sure she didn't really torture her poor, misguided lawyer.

Natasha strolled in a few minutes later while the guy was babbling at Darcy. She stared at him then at Darcy. "Is he saying anything sensible? FRIDAY informed Steve that there was another group outside of HYDRA and AIM."

"Not totally but they're all *patriots*. They all want future protectors. And apparently my womb is perfect."

"I heard you're great in bed but pregnancy does take away from that for at least a year," Natasha said dryly. "May I, Miss Lewis?"

She smiled. "You have fun and let me know who they are so I can put my creative urges toward them."

"I shall make a nice report to many people." She hauled the lawyer up and walked him off, making him scream in terror when they ran into Rogers. "He's a *patriot* who wanted future protectors of humanity. He thinks Darcy's womb is magical."

"I've heard she's great in bed but not magical at it."

"I'd make succuba envious," Darcy said as she walked around them, shooting a smile at him. "But you're taken and you never flirted with me, Rogers, so you're apparently immune." He snorted but looked amused. Natasha was giggling. Darcy went back to her desk to get to work.

Rogers took the guy from Natasha so he could drag him if necessary. "It's good she's still in evil mode."

"But worrying. She had plans against HYDRA, Steve."

"Good. It might keep her safer." He walked the guy off to talk to him with Natasha helping. The gym was easily cleaned.

***

"Lewis, get me lunch," Stark ordered from her speaker phone.

"I'm here to help your mother's foundation, not to babysit you, Stark. And if I order you lunch, I'm going to make sure you eat it all, including the vegetables."

"Eww."

"Yup, but that's what I do when I babysit. Just remember how it used to be. You still want me to order you lunch?"

"No. Never mind. I don't need someone to make spoon airplanes for me."

She smirked at the phone. "You'd be lucky if I didn't lock you to a chair to make you eat."

"I'm not a kid."

"True, you're not, but some people do like to do age regression stuff."

"Not me," he assured her. "I'm confidently an adult."

"Then do the adult thing and eat veggies for lunch, Tony."

"Fine! I could've shared."

She smiled at the phone. "I've got a lunch date with Jane."

"I forgot." He hung up.

Clint leaned in and tossed an envelope at her. "Your copy of their plans. I'm going to spread them to others." He winked. "Have fun with Jane at lunch." He strolled off.

Darcy opened it to read it, blinking a few times. She burst out laughing, nodding at that plan. "Yeah, not going to happen." She put it into her bag and closed everything down, going to gather Jane for lunch outside the tower, with Emma. At the end of the hour of catching up and teasing Emma about her hatred of french fries, she let Jane read that information.

Jane read it then looked at her. "What is it about your womb that makes people want to use it?"

"I guess because I'm young, single, pretty, healthy, and stubborn?"

"Must be." She handed it back. "What a dick!"

"Mommy," Emma sighed, looking at her. "No talking about boy parts with me in hearing. Daddy asked you to quit talking about how some people were walking boy parts."

"Sorry, dear. I forgot."

Darcy hugged her. "I think you're adorable, Ems." She smiled at Jane. "Lawyers this time."

"His?"

"At work. He just *assumed* I'd do it for the team. Apparently I'm supposed to be patriotic that way instead. Though it would have upped my salary by twenty grand and given me a shopping allowance."

Jane blinked, shaking her head. "No. Oh, please no. Are you going to destroy someone?"

She smiled and nodded. "Yes, I damn well am. He even discounted that I have degrees, Jane. Thought I got it on my back."

"Stupid is epidemic. We have got to find a way to stop the stupid," she said. "You work with education, right?"

"I do still tutor for the GED, yes." She smiled. "And fill out the paperwork so they can use a grant to pay for the testing fees. Most of these seem to have vanity degrees because their mommy or daddy paid for them to get one."

"We have *got* to start ethics training," she said.

"Oh, I looked him up. He belongs to that chanting group at Yale a few years back." She stared at her. "The one that denies consent exists." She sipped her coffee. "I found where the rest of them are and have pointed out to their supervising people that they were part of that and therefore failed humans. And put it onto my facebook."

Jane winced, cuddling her daughter. "I'm sure they'll hate you for that but maybe it'll make others change their minds about such things. Consent is *exceptionally* important. Otherwise I guess women should taze those sorts. Or pepper spray."

Darcy smiled. "I should see if there's a way to give young women pepper sprays so they're not as bothered by people. It could help a lot of matters." She considered it. "Mom would like that so I could probably include it into her foundation."

Jane swallowed, nodding over Emma's head. She had never seen Darcy this evil before. "Yeah, I can see how that'd help. We should figure out how to do that with your mom's foundation." Emma was giving her odd looks but she let Darcy have her to cuddle. "We should get back before Thor wakes up from his nap and misses us." Darcy nodded, paying the check and heading out cuddling the baby. Jane got their bags and followed. Darcy was telling Emma how much she'd like school. Which was a good thing to learn for her daughter.

She handed Darcy her bag and took her daughter back, going up to the labs. Emma huffed but oh well. "We're just going to talk to Uncle Tony," she told her. She knocked before walking into the lab, staring at Stark. "She's back in vindictive land, Tony. She's told on the lawyer's buddies who were in that chanting group at Yale. Told all their bosses and her facebook." He blinked, putting down his container of soup. Bruce held onto the table he was leaning against. "She wants to create a fund within her mom's foundation to give every young woman pepper spray or a tazer."

He nodded slowly. "Yeah. That could be bad."

"She's going to go fully evil soon if we don't stop it, Stark. Do you know anyone you can set her up with?"

"She's gotten some recently, but yeah, I can hint broadly that the evil is coming back." Jane hugged him one armed and left with Emma, talking to her about boys. It was something she needed to start sooner instead of later. Stark looked at Bruce, who shrugged. "She needs a magical curing device."

"She supposedly has a few of those," Bruce said blandly. "And sometimes Clint possibly by the rumors. Perhaps we should work on teaching the dick slime that pretends to be young men?"

"Yeah, we should do that too," he agreed with a nod. "Very fast. Can we do that soon?"

"I don't know. Talk to someone who works on consent education or have Steve make an off-hand comment while jogging with Sam next time."

"That may work. Thanks, buddy." He went to talk to Sam about that. "Sam." He blinked at him. "Darcy's gotten to the point where she's about to fund a grant to give every young woman in the US pepper spray." He stared at him. "That lawyer earlier was part of a group at Yale that was found chanting 'no means yes and yes means anal'." Sam winced. "She's about to break back into evil again. Can you and Steve maybe talk about that during a jog in the hearing of reporters so maybe he can use his spangly ass reputation to teach some guys better?"

"Yeah, we go over that during a jog so reporters can hear us," he said, looking over at Steve, who nodded since his mouth was full. "Can Lewis become unevil?"

"We're not really sure. So far she's told all the guys in that group at Yale's bosses that they took place in that chanting parade. And her facebook." Sam winced. "We don't mind her naughty but that evil is going to the wrong place and she might really hurt some guys if they tried something. I don't want her to have to worry about how she had to beat some people to death with a high heel. Or her tazer."

"Bodyguard?" Steve suggested.

Stark looked at him. "He lives across the street and up by two buildings," he said bluntly. "That group this morning wanted him and you both to knock her up and then me and Clint so we all had heirs." Steve shook his head with a sigh. "It'd be nice if she did have a bodyguard but she doesn't. She has a dog. Who's really nice. He helped by delivering memos recently."

"We'll talk with her later," Steve promised. "And we'll go over that talk in public so people realize that consent is not only the law but a great idea."

"Thanks." He went back to his lab to talk to Pepper. Darcy was good at finding things to ruin people in the press so much that they got embarrassed and gave up. And in one case committed suicide but he had done the stupid thing by attacking a college dorm to try to take out witnesses to his son's stupidity.

Steve looked at Sam, who pulled up that video to show him. Steve nodded. "They need to be beaten. Real men don't do that." He pulled out his phone to tweet something. "Heard about a friend being coerced earlier for sex. Real men don't need more than a 'yes'. They don't need to coerce or force it. Learn about consent. A great idea and the law." He counted characters. Usually he had to edit down words. "Ha! One character under the limit!" He sent it. He sent a second one saying he had heard about those boys at Yale and their chant and he was not only not amused but ashamed to be of the same gender as them.

He smiled as he sent that one. Darcy retweeted it almost immediately. So did Pepper and Natasha. Some guy complained that women were too stuck up to know that they wanted it. Steve replied all his former women hadn't been and they had told him what they wanted, how they wanted it, and when they wanted it. Clearly, he was doing something wrong with his women.

Sam looked at his twitter feed, nodding some and adding to that comment against that idiot boy. "You know, that'll break that rumor that you're a virgin."

"Real men don't have to brag, we know of our own accomplishments," he said sarcastically. "And women don't need to do more than gossip with their friends." Sam laughed but tweeted that comment and attributed it to Steve. Some woman said bragging was good because it meant other girls knew who the better catches were if she was stupid enough to let him leave her. Sam agreed but said that some guys needed some lessons first and that would ruin a guy's rep if he only needed taught stuff.

She almost immediately replied that many guys needed lessons in how to handle a woman's body because they were all clueless about what a vagina did for a man. He agreed and praised the women who had taught him while they had dated, without naming names. She flirted with him and offered him a date but he had to let her down and say he was dating someone. She sent back a 'pity' and left it there. He smiled, putting his phone down. Steve was laughing at that tweet string.

Steve was staring at the remarks on his tweets, grimacing. He sent out one saying he hadn't been a virgin since the late 30's. Guys back in his day did the same things they do now, they just didn't have social media to brag on. That got a few emojis and laughs but a few pouty faces and remarks from those who considered him pure. Bucky tweeted that it had taken a lot of dates to find Steve someone to be sweet on but it had been a miraculous thing that she had liked the scrawny guy he had been.

Steve thanked him for that setting up. A few more people complained that he was an American icon and he had to act like one. Bucky's tweet at those that Steve was a guy in a uniform and the mythos built around him was damaging the icon by setting unrealistic expectations made Steve stare.

He called Bucky. "Is that actually you?" He smiled. "Thank Kate for me, Bucky, and she's here at work. Yeah, go ahead and bring Conor. She's had him here before. Who was it that tried to break in? Oh, that's sweet of the mob guys to protect her place for her. Sure, bring the dog. And thanks for tweeting back." He hung up. Kate was very helpful with that stuff. He sent a text at Darcy then watched Kate's tweets chiding those assholes for using him as stuffed head on the wall to look up to instead of thinking he's a guy doing a really hard job and sometimes the icon had to be a man instead because sometimes things didn't go right. Especially in a war.

They were still complaining but Steve pointed out that Bucky was right. He was a man, who had been made special, and did a very specific job. Looking up to him was fine but being unrealistic about it meant that they'd have problems if and when he lost some day. He wasn't immortal and some day he'd have to retire or would be too injured to carry on. Then what would they do? It was likely that the next person who wore the shield wouldn't be the clean cut guy he was since those apparently weren't in style anymore. Then again, Steve posted a picture of him with his tattoos showing. "Some of us aren't that uptight anyway," he muttered.

Darcy came off the elevator, taking Steve's phone from him. "Pepper said that they're going to lynch you. Used that word specifically. Because you're destroying their mythical hero that they use to complain that men today aren't men anymore. And if you were about to come out as bi or gay, they'd come here in a mob to kill you." He grimaced. "Stick up for the real men being born she said, but if you irritate the religious right sort you'd never hear the end of it and a good portion of the military was trying to force them to be that same way.

"Called it dominionism. Which basically means that they want to go back to the 'we're white men and there's available land to conquer, who cares about natives' times." She handed the phone back. "The Mayor is one. A lot of the upper level mutants are one even if they won't admit it. The ones on the news channels are loud enough to cause you stress for years. Cleaning up the misconceptions is great. She was tired of the virginal, pure Steve Rogers mythical guy too. We like you laughing at dirty jokes and the like. But those are the sort to get all up in arms and shoot you. Y'allqueda and their sort are just like that."

Sam snorted. "I've heard those supposed patriot groups that are basically racist nationalist groups of yahoos with too many guns called that."

"Well, quite a few are y'all sorts," she said dryly, smiling at him. "That's why they took over a bird refuge to give it back to the people who never owned it in the first place." She looked at Steve again. "Pepper said to break the myth, not the hero."

"I can probably do that," he agreed, staring up at her. "Kate said the mob guys kept someone else from breaking into your place."

"I'll buy stuff to make cookies for them on the way home," she quipped with a smile. "Point out what makes a real man so they can tell they're not? And maybe even mention that real men treat women like equals instead of thinking that they have to be protected?"

"Why would that bother people?" he asked.

"Oh, you haven't seen those sort," she sighed. "Tweet and I'll find videos." He nodded, getting back to it. She handed over her phone once Steve was taking a break, letting him read the article on that one family and their religious group. He grimaced, shaking his head. "Yeah, and that attitude is growing. All the 'old ways' people think that women are weak and helpless, they all need protected, but we're all sexual objects." She stared at him. "So they're all for women being kept out of education, the workplace, all that. We're just wombs to a lot of them and they don't like that we have choices about our wombs."

He nodded, handing her phone back. "I definitely don't like that attitude." He considered it then put out a tweet about Peggy Carter, who had been a kick ass woman who had stood up to generals and him, and had won arguments based on logic and thinking about things. He had been proud to serve with a woman like her and many women today were using the same strength she showed to stand up for themselves, which he appreciated and liked.

He hoped the rest of the women in the world got to the same point of being able to stand up for themselves soon. Darcy took his phone to correct a spelling error then handed it back. He smiled, but added in another tweet that he worked with some really strong women now, including Natasha and Pepper. If every woman could be as strong and as patient as Pepper, the world would be a better place. Someone mentioned Darcy so he pointed out she protected herself and that was always the right thing to do.

If he had been there and she had needed the help, he would've stepped in to beat the guy for her, but she had handled it well and he appreciated that she could. A few more people complained but oh well. He answered 'oh well' to one of them actually for whining that he wasn't the white, christian idol that they had all thought he was. He pointed out he was, but they had turned him into something he wasn't. The man they wanted him to be, his mother would be ashamed of. The man he was, his mother would've praised and cheered for.

Darcy patted him on the wrist. "I'm pretty sure your mom was kick ass. All strong mothers are." She got up. "Let me go get my dog." She strolled off. "Troll someone, Steve. That way they get to know that you have a sense of humor too."

He smiled. "Yes, Darcy."

"Thanks." She went down to the front desk, finding a security guard glaring at Kate. "Hey." She hugged her and took the leash from her. "C'mon, Conor."

"There's no pets at work," the guard ordered.

Darcy looked at him. "Really? Pepper didn't tell me that." The man backed off. "C'mon, Hawkeye, let's get you to Clint so you guys can practice too." She led her up to her office, texting Clint, who was at home on his couch with his dog, so he knew they had invoked his name to annoy the guard. That one thought that Clint wasn't as useful on the team. It proved how stupid the guy was.

Scott leaned in. "Can I have the dog?"

"No. You'll feed him gunk," Darcy quipped with a smile for him. "He's fine."

"Fine. I was going to play fetch and Lucky's at home."

"He's good, Scott."

"Okay." He petted the dog then went back upstairs. "She wouldn't let me bring Conor up to play."

Stark shook his head. "We don't have a no pets rule but I'm guessing there'll be a yelling lab person soon. She yelled at others before, including Jane, about germs and drool factories. Jane slugged her but the rest just huff off and ignore her." It took about ten more minutes before his phone lit up with an alert and video of the screaming match.

Darcy let her yell then calmly told her to back down before she had her lab audited by the Feds. The woman shrieked and tried to hit the dog so Darcy put her down and locked her in the closet then settled in to pet her dog. "Let me go save a chemist without a clue. Before I have to hire a new one." He got up and went down there, staring at Darcy from the doorway. "Threatening to have Feds raid her lab is mean, Lewis."

"She's misusing her grant anyway since it went to her sister's wedding." She waved a hand. "She tried to hit my dog."

"I saw that." He stared at her. "You could bring him home."

"I could work from home in my jammies but I have to be here often enough that it makes it a pain," she quipped.

"Fine. Go home today?"

"Can't. Two meetings this afternoon."

He sighed. "Go home."

"Fine. That means you have to go to the meeting instead."

"I guess." She handed over her notes, making him grimace as he read them. "That sucks. Whose idea was that?"

"Pepper's."

"Huh. Interesting then." He went to deal with his own foundation's dealings. Darcy went home with a pause at the grocery store. She had called ahead so she only had to run in and pay for it then come back out before anyone could complain the dog was in the car. She went home and made cookies to send down to the guys who had protected her poor puppy. They liked the rum balls and they were easy enough to make in mass quantities. Clint got some too since he was probably loafing off with his bow and his dog.

****
Part 13 by voracity
Darcy came out of work, without the dog this time since it was a busy day with meetings, and found someone waiting on her. She stared at him then shook her head. "Are you a process server?"

"No, I'm an agent, Miss Lewis," he said smugly. "You're wanted for questioning."

"About what?"

"About your involvement with a rogue group."

She snorted, shaking her head. "I doubt that."

"You do work for one and email others," he said smugly, walking toward her.

"No, I email people who have ideas about making the country run as a modern democracy that appreciates the people that inhabit it. That's not a rogue group by any definition."

"It is to the government, young lady."

She stared at him. "I'm older than you, boy." He sneered. She stared at him. "Fine, bring me in. My lawyer will be right behind me."

"If we let you call him."

"That is within my rights."

"Not if we consider you an enemy."

She smiled and took his picture with her phone and sent it to her lawyer. "Don't worry, my lawyer knows you now." He glared as he made a grab for the phone but she slipped it into her bag. "Now, what questions did you want to ask me about my political involvement to get someone decent elected to most offices? I'm not totally politically active this year but I have been more active than normal." She shifted her stance to stare at him. "You can inject a question there, I left it open for you to question."

"That's not how it's done," he sneered, grabbing her arm. "I'm going to get you on obstruction charges and resisting arrest."

"I haven't resisted anything. The cameras around here will show that."

He smirked. "They're ours, Lewis."

"Not the ones at work." She pointed behind her. "I doubt you can get those even with a subpoena."

"Don't worry, we'll deal with them soon."

"Down," Natasha ordered. Darcy moved as ordered. She knocked the agent out. "He is not an agent of any agency and he was pretending to be a security guard last month." She hauled the guy up.

Darcy moved back. "Need help?"

Natasha smirked. "No, I don't need help to break this one pathetic young man, Darcy. Go to your safety fallback."

She nodded. "I'm going to make the mob guys cookies again." She strolled off, getting on the bus to go home. It was safer than a cab, even if she did have to break someone's fingers for trying to undo her bra on her. She finally got home an hour later and went upstairs to put down her bag and let her dog out so they could go for a walk. She changed into something she could run in too just in case. Then she and her dog went downstairs with her needed things in case she had to flee tonight. She ran into a few of the mob guys growling at Clint. She smiled at them. "Guys, be careful tonight if the fake agent sorts show up, okay? One was really stupid enough to try to grab me outside work and they did not amuse me. I wouldn't want you guys hurt." She smiled. "That might make Clint do something today."

A few swallowed. "They're coming here?"

"They were mad that I was supporting someone other than the asshole I'm suing. Or so they said." She shrugged. "They tried really hard since they invaded Stark as fake security teams last month. So if they come, don't get hurt, okay?" They nodded, staring at her. "Good boys." She smiled. "Did you guys need more cookies today?"

"You're going to make us fat," one complained.

Darcy grinned. "You guys should be spending time in the gym anyway or else you lose your muscles. Even I go to the gym. It makes you look hot." She smirked. They groaned. "I'm sure Clint knows where the gym is, he works out a ton."

"You're a bit warped," Clint told her with a grin.

"Of course I am. There's people who are making me think evil thoughts again. I might have to find a good boy to cure them." The mob guys all whined. She smiled. "I require dating, guys. Real wooing, not stalking."

"We'll never be that sort of good boy you need," one complained.

Darcy walked over to kiss him on the cheek, wiping off some of her lip gloss. "That's all up to you, dear. Only you can decide what sort of boy you'll be." She walked off. "Lucky, want walkies?" she called. The blond dog ran over to go with them to the park.

Clint looked at them. "All this stress is making her evil."

"She's sounding like a mom," one complained.

Clint nodded. "Yeah, the stress is driving her that way. Even smutty times hasn't helped that yet." Bucky walked past them casually. "She's walking both dogs."

"I saw. And got told who was after her at Stark tower." He looked over. "The idiot's friends tried to gather her to prove her wrong by beating her then raping her." Clint grimaced. "Natasha was amused at them."

"She won't save us any," Clint said dryly. "Even if there's more of them she won't save me any to hit."

James grimaced but nodded. "I know. Me either. Or Steve since he heard and went to talk to them about subverting the political process." He walked off with a sigh. "Lewis, let's talk," he called as he got closer to the park. He found her beating someone with a piece of a tree she apparently picked up off the ground. He caught the thick stick, looking at her. "Problems?" he guessed, smirking at her.

"He told me my dog needed to fuck me. Then tried to throw something on the dogs. Pity." She looked down at the groaning guy. "I may not be the fighter Natasha is but I'll damn sure make sure you pay if you hurt me or my friends or my pets. Do I need to make this more plain?" He patted his hip and something whined. Bucky shot it, ending the weapon's use. And the guy's hip.

She smiled at him. "Thanks." She saw an officer jogging over. "Freeze, you're about to step into the puddle of chemicals he tried to throw on my dog." The officer froze and looked then walked around the puddle. She pointed and told him what had happened. He called that in so they could clean up the puddle before some stray animal drank from it. Hazmat showed up to take samples and they were not happy. But they could get it cleaned up. "Was it that bad?" she asked.

"To promote going into heat," one of the Hazmat team told her.

She nodded once. "Like most responsible dog owners, mine's fixed, bitch," she told the guy on the ground. "Wouldn't do much for him. He could hump all he liked but it wouldn't do anything." She looked at the officer. "Bucky ended the dangerous sounding whine that he patted into sounding off," she warned.

"I can see the remains of something mechanical," he admitted.

Bucky squatted down to uncover it. "Yeah, that's a small yield explosive device." The officer groaned. "It's shut down. Can't go off. I blew the timer."

"Thank you," the officer said. "Who are you, sir?"

"James Barnes."

"I know that name from somewhere," he admitted.

"As in James Buchanan Barnes," Darcy clarified. "The other super soldier."

He blinked at him then at her. "We have another Avenger here?" She nodded. He looked at him. "Is this the security fall back?"

"No, this neighborhood is quiet with few threats so I moved in at Clint's suggestion," he said blandly, staring at him. "Darcy moved here when her last place got invaded by idiots."

"Wow. Okay....um, do the normal locals bother you?"

"The 'bro' guys?" Darcy asked with a smile. "No, they've been *really* helpful to me a few times actually. They've protected me and my dog more than once. That's why they call me Cookie Lady. I make them rum balls each time they help me." She grinned at one staring at them. "You guys are so helpful sometimes."

"We're supposed to be commanding and strong," he said.

Darcy giggled. "Strong men are always good but commanding is for battles. Not for neighborhoods. Like that one neighborhood someone took me from the grocery store of. He's chill and all that until something happens. He proved his strength and people remember that."

He nodded. "We're younger." She smiled at him. "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine. He tried to throw something at Conor but I found a stick." She smiled at him. "Lucky's behind you."

He looked at the dog then at her. "He should go home. You too before more come."

She walked over with her dog, patting him on the arm. "Ooh, someone's been to the gym. Gotta keep up those muscles, Arvil." He snorted but smirked at her. She gathered Lucky and they walked off followed by Barnes and the mob guy. "I'm going to make chocolate chip cookies tonight. Beating him put me into a great mood. Some cookies and some wine will make a great dinner. Right, Conor?" He barked and agreed with his smiling, happy human. She jogged up the stairs with the dogs. Clint would come get Lucky whenever he wanted to. They liked to play together.

James huffed. "We have got to find a way to get her out of evil mode."

"Bro, she's flirty," the mob guy Arvil complained.

James looked at her. "Dames flirt like that to get out of something. It let her get away from the bad guy and get away from the officer in case he was another threat. Though, yeah, you could all use some gym time." He smirked a tiny bit. "Mine are much better."

"Yeah, but we're not enhanced."

"I had muscles before they got me, boy." He flexed. "These all came from work, not from a serum. I'm not Steve." He strolled off. "Lucky's playing with Conor," he called up to Clint's open window.

"Sure," Clint called down. "Thanks."

Arvil went to talk to the other guys. Maybe they should join a gym. That way they were ready when someone else came into their neighborhood trying to get the two Avengers or Cookie Lady. Weights weren't that expensive to buy for their meeting area. A few had some at home even.

***

Clint leaned in Darcy's doorway later, smirking down at her since she had opened it when he knocked. "Miss Lewis, I'm Agent Barton and I was sent to talk to you about your evil ideas and prompting the neighborhood boys to become tougher to defend us."

She smiled. "I just mentioned that real strength is more than shown, Agent Barton. Is it upsetting someone's plans?"

"No but we're worried you have plots. Or possibly minions."

"Why would I need minions?" She smiled. "I have a puppy for that."

"He's a good minion too." He stared down at her. "The officer that dragged that idiot off asked me to please make you calm down. Something about too mean?"

"I wasn't that mean to him and he tried to drug the dogs!"

"You beat him with a branch, Darcy."

"Not like I can throw an effective punch and I was saving my tazer in case I had to get away from someone."

He stepped in and shut the door, making sure the dogs were all on the couch. Cutey was there too for some reason. "Kate just dropped her and ran?"

"She's got an archer thing to do tonight she said. Cutey's been in a foul mood all day."

"Ah." He kissed her and then stepped back. "We have got to get you out of evil mode."

"It'll let me handle any threats that come my way," she quipped, walking off. "Want dinner?"

"Are you cooking? You haven't in weeks."

"I made cookies earlier and I had wine with my chocolate chip cookies."

He stared at her. "That's a screwed up meal, even for you," he said, hauling her out of the kitchen once he checked to make sure everything was off. He hauled her into the bedroom, leaning down to kiss her again. "We need you out of evil mode, Darcy. Please?" He grinned. "Let the rest of us do some evil."

"Fine." She waved a hand. "You can do evil for me if you want. I won't even call you a minion."

"No, I was a minion, but I'm freelance now," he said dryly, kissing her again. He looked down at a loud bark. "I'm not hurting her, Cutey. Behave!" He put her back onto Lucky and came back to find Darcy pulling her hair up. "Is it in the way?" he joked.

"Yup, a lot." She undid her shirt and let it fall off her arms. He closed the curtains and then pounced her onto the bed to try to cure her evil mood again. It lessened some each time, he just needed more stamina this time.

Darcy looked down in the middle of the groping foreplay and groaned. She looked at Clint. "We have helpers."

Clint looked back at the foot of the bed. Cutey was sitting on the bench down there surrounded by the other two dogs. They were all watching them. "Go to the living room, dogs." He pointed. They barked and Cutey lapped his foot. Darcy let out a moan and Cutey at least left after a friendly bark at them. Lucky looked confused and Conor was staring at them intently to make sure they weren't a threat to his human. "Shoo! We're making puppies!" She laughed but flipped over under him. That was a position they understood. The very male, fixed dogs barked and ran off, Conor pawing at the door until it partially closed. He looked at her. "The dogs are smarter than some agents I've worked with."

"Some of the scientists I used to work with too." She flipped back over and they got back to it now that they didn't have innocent eyes staring at them from the end of the bed.

Clint paused. "Kate taught Cutey to flee when she groaned?"

"Yeah, I had to teach Conor I wasn't in pain when I moan." She smiled. "They're protective of their humans."

"I guess I get that. Lucky just likes to watch." He shook his head and got back to it. It was always good with her so that was great.

***

Darcy showed up for work the next day, smiling and happy. "Morning, Pepper."

"Morning, Darcy." She watched her walk then sighed. "I thought someone was going to make her less bouncy," she muttered, getting back to work. She looked down at the bark, taking the envelope from Lucky's mouth. "Thanks, Lucky. Good boy." She petted him and he lapped her hand then ran off. She opened it to look at and groaned. Clint had tried to take Darcy out of evil mode. It had only worked partway. "Great," she muttered, tucking that into her desk drawer. "Just great." She got back to work, not wondering what sort of evil was going to be coming from her assistant.

Darcy strolled in an hour later with two folders and a bunch of papers. "You could've just asked for girl gossip, Pepper," she said dryly, giving her a look. "I would've shared. It was great." She smiled. "But then again I woke up this morning to a threat on my twitter account about being a whore around the team."

Pepper stared at her. "You've had more than one of those?"

"Yeah. I get one every few months. This sender is new, but the message isn't." She shrugged. "I've turned them into twitter already." She handed over the folders. "The financial disclosure statement as far as the accounting department said. No idea, I've only seen that set of forms in passing. This is the present request file." She smiled and pointed. "One of those looks like it might be really interesting as a research study, seeing if you can get mildly autistic kids to like learning about things like archeology as a means to getting them educated in history since hands-on learning seems to work fairly well with some of the more mild cases." Pepper nodded, looking at that. She smiled and put down the stack of papers. "The background checks."

"Darcy, we already did those."

"I asked. They said they didn't do them until they had the short list."

Pepper winced. "Really? I thought we did those before we did the list."

"I asked Miranda, who used to do it for you, and Sasha, who was handling it up until you hired me. They said we do it after we make the short list to weed the list down. And six of them are really not going to look good."

Pepper put down the grant application to look at those, blinking at one. "They do what?"

"It's in the background but I laid out the reason for those." She pointed. "Sixteen kids they promoted for help and used in advertising have disappeared. Not at home, in the US." Pepper scowled but kept going over that. "I asked Natasha if that looked like a people farming or selling operation and she said that was a quaint, naive notion of how those things worked but it did appear to possibly be that way.

"She said she's looking into it behind the scenes just in case." She pointed. "Two others have ties that are...frankly rancid to me but I'm not sure they're more than questionable to the organization." Pepper stared at her. "They're like that one group that promoted white culture while feeding the poor people in their area and telling them that they're poor because they're not white."

"I remember that mess," she agreed. She went over them all, nodding and putting some into a separate pile for inclusion. "That leaves us two short." She looked at Darcy. "Any ideas?"

"On the longer list were two that looked decent from the top but not totally." She pulled them up on her tablet to show Pepper. "I didn't do any sort of google search on them but they looked like promising start ups and I know this one," she said with a point. "Was working with the group I worked with in Chicago if it's the same group and not just the same name. They were anti-bullying but were doing joint efforts with other groups."

"All right," Pepper said. "Can you search them within a few hours? We have a meeting tonight."

"It takes me about an hour and a half each one unless there's something in the background that looks not good." She stood up. "I'll look them over." She went back to her office to do that.

Pepper called one of the board members. "Don't we do searches on the possible groups before we make the list?" She listened. "Oh, that's reasonable I suppose. It would take less time. No, Darcy found a few troubling things about a few on the short list so she's looking at two that looked promising before the meeting. That was one and the other one was an educational and anti-bullying one that used to work alongside the group she worked with before. Yes, that one. I can but it'll be a tight fit to get it in before the meeting." She sent Darcy an IM from her laptop. "Okay, I've added that one. Thanks." She hung up and went back to reading over the checks Darcy had done. Natasha strolled in. "Did you look at that one group?"

"I have and they're fairly hiding their evil behind their money. It looks like that televangelist who got caught with his hands in the till." She sat down to look at Pepper. "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine. Just a bit tired. Things have been hectic recently. I have spa time in about two weeks."

"That's good. How is Darcy working out?"

"She's actually saved me a bit of work. She did all the searches for me and is doing a few more just in case."

"That's good."

"Why?" Pepper asked, staring at her.

"Her former boss wants her back." She showed her the facebook post missing Darcy's organizational skills.

Pepper read it, grimacing. "I can see why. She did the same thing in the labs." She handed the phone back. "I'd hate to lose her."

"I can do it at night if I need to help her," Darcy called as she walked past the doorway. "Pepper, I just got told to go talk to the loud man in the lobby who Stark hates."

"Which one?" Pepper demanded. "Get back here!"

Darcy came in with a glass of iced tea for her and a pastry from the cart up the hall. She smiled as she put them out of the way on the desk. "Hammer is out and here demanding to talk to you. Security thinks I can bullshit him until he leaves. I think I can hurt him if he tries shit." She smiled. "Let me go handle that and we'll talk with Shelly later tonight about what she actually needs me to do. It's possible I can go back to doing it at night."

She walked off, pulling her hair back to look more formal once she was in the elevator. She checked herself, then nodded as she did up an extra button to look more frigid and formal. She walked off the elevator, going over to where the huffy man was waiting. "Pepper Potts is a very busy woman," she said bluntly, staring at him over the rim of her glasses. "She sent me to see what you wanted and why you are here, Mr. Hammer. She's busy with Maria Stark Foundation business."

"I need to see her," he growled. "Not some peon."

"Watch this peon destroy your plastic surgery nose," she shot back. "I am not a minion and I'm all you're getting so speak before I have you thrown out."

He looked her over, sneering. "You look like a minion."

"Hmm. Then you have no taste and no knowledge." She smirked a tiny bit. "Your opening to tell us what you want is shrinking. People are tooting horns as the I might give a damn train pulls away from the station." She waved at him. "One last chance. What did you need to see Miss Potts about?"

He stared at her. "Someone needs her help."

Darcy tipped her head to the side. "She's not an Avenger. Is it something one of them could handle? I can see if one of them is not busy if it's that important. If they can't they could tell someone who could handle it."

"They wanted Miss Potts due to her specific skill set."

"Paperwork?" she asked dryly. "Really?"

He scowled. "Don't act as stupid as you clearly are," he sneered.

She smirked. "Yes, I'm so stupid but I also know that those skills are no longer available. I also know why they're no longer available and who sent you to capture her for ransom." He stiffened. She stared at him. "Now, do you still need Pepper?" He glared and grabbed at her. She blocked his hand and hit him back. "No, I don't think so. I don't pay ransom."

"You're nothing. No one would pay for you."

"Miss DeCriths, is there a problem?" one of the agents asked.

"No. Mr. Hammer was just here expressing an interest in Pepper's skills so he could possibly use them for his own ends." She waved a hand. "I've got it." He came closer, hand on his gun. She glanced at him then at Hammer. This totally sucked. The guy was HYDRA. She recognized him from Chicago. She sighed and looked at Hammer, who looked smug. "You won't win, Hammer. Really, you won't."

"You're worth a lot more than Potts," he sneered.

"And I'm harder to get." They both lunged for her and she kicked Hammer in the stomach as she ducked the grab. They managed to grab her sleeve so she grabbed her self defense knife and stabbed the agent. Security guards were coming to pull her away and get her out of there and she went willingly. She looked at her shirt, scowling. "I don't want to have to shop," she complained, looking at the torn fabric. "I hate shopping." The guard with her gave her an odd look so she pointed at the tear in her sleeve. "I really hate shopping."

"I can understand that," he agreed. He escorted her up to the office, letting her sit down. "They wanted to capture you and when an agent called her by a different name, that agent and Hammer both wanted to capture her," he reported to Tony since he was in there as well.

"He was HYDRA. It was the guy who dosed me in Chicago. Apparently they think I wouldn't remember him," she said sarcastically.

Tony looked at her. "Why did they want Pepper?"

"His eyes showed that I hit the jackpot when I noted he wanted to kidnap her to ransom," she said, standing up. "Let me get back to work. Those checks won't do themselves and this way I can have coffee and throw a fit in private." She walked off. "Have fun with them."

"Thanks," the guard said, looking at his boss.

Tony smirked. "I agree, have fun with them."

"Yes, sir." He went to help the rest of the security team. They really had to figure out how to handle these threats. They were weirder than the ones against Stark. Though it was nice that a hidden SHIELD agent had called in for them to be arrested. He walked over to one of the arresting agents. He looked familiar but it wasn't coming to him right off. "Can we go over why this threat exists? He went from wanting to kidnap Ms. Potts to wanting Miss Lewis. And that supposed agent called her by another name."

Agent Coulson looked at him then sighed. "That's a long briefing. I can have someone do that though." He snapped and pointed. "May, brief him about Lewis."

"Sure," she said, coming over to talk to the security team about Lewis and her safety issues. During it, Lucky delivered a used target card and a name overtop of the perfectly placed hole in the center. "Barton's mad that they tried this," she quipped, putting it aside.

At the end of the hour of talking about Lewis, the head of the security team looked at her. "Is there any way we can keep that sort of threat down?"

"Make sure that they keep the idiot that started it in jail," she said bluntly. "And you're already alerted to HYDRA anyway. AIM is much the same but weirder and into science so they'd probably want to invade anyway."

"So we have one more high value target who comes here to work. Can we get her to move somewhere closer and safer?"

Melinda smirked a tiny bit. "She lives within sight lines of Barnes and Barton. She has charmed some of the boys in her neighborhood so much that they protect her and call her the Cookie Lady," she finished dryly. "I would not want to mess with the Russian mafia. Would you?"

"No," he admitted. "Seriously?"

"Yes. She makes them cookies when they help her with things. They all protect her and her dog."

"We've seen the fluffy thing," one of them agreed. "It's cute and well trained." She smiled and nodded. "Okay," the guard said, looking at his boss. "So how do we protect her? Is she driving to work?"

"Subway," she said. "Sometimes a cab. She had a car but it was targeted by officers and others inappropriately so she hasn't replaced it yet."

"That's not safe," the head guard said, rubbing his forehead. "Does she know that?"

"Yes but she believes it might be safer as there's others there who may help if she runs into problems and it's harder to snatch someone from a subway train than carjacking her."

"That's a possible point," one of the guards said with a nod. "I'll have a talk with her, boss?"

"Please," he agreed, waving a hand. "Go over the security details for her apartment as well."

"She has an electroshock system on her doors and windows," Melinda said. "Without the right code, trying to open the door or kick the door in will shock you like her tazer will. The backup battery lasts for two days as we found out after the last attack that knocked out power."

"We've heard she likes tazers," another guard said with a nod. "Sure. Is she taking self defense lessons?"

"No. So far she has done fairly well on her own. They only managed to capture her twice. Once for a few weeks."

"That's the one they kidnaped," the head guard said with another nod. "Sure." He sipped his coffee, looking at his team. Then at the agent. "What more do we need to put up in this building?"

"So far Stark seems to have mined the building very well and your teams are good. You could use a few extra people but I believe Hill is fixing that." They just nodded. "Otherwise, just put her on the same sort of cautious watch over visitors like you do Jane Foster and Pepper Potts."

"Only one person's come for Dr. Foster and that was to get her back for saying Thor was an alien," the head guard said. "They got walked out screaming and ranting so the NYPD could put her somewhere calmer." Melinda smirked at him. "Sure, we can do that. Is having her here going to draw more problems here?"

"She's an extra target when they come for Stark's gear," she said.

"All right. We can handle that. We'll put her on the monitored list so we know where she is if something happens. That way we can shove her into a safe room the next time the tower is raided." He looked at that one agent, who nodded, going to talk to her. They could train her to react during emergencies.

Melinda went to report to Coulson, who said it was a good idea to get Darcy a new car as well. They'd have to talk her into it.

***

Darcy sighed as she walked into Pepper's office. "I'm to train with your team the next time they do a training for emergency procedures."

Pepper looked at her. "Seriously?" She nodded. "So how to get into a safe room?"

"That too." She handed over the list the guard had drawn up. "Also I'm to get Clint to report to them about how safe my apartment is and to let him talk me into buying a new car so I'm not on the subway like everyone else."

Pepper smiled at her. "It would be more convenient, Darcy."

"It would better if I moved into a palace," she said dryly. "With a crack security team."

"I've had that feeling," Pepper agreed, still smiling. "Are you all right?"

"Just a bit frustrated. I miss my free wheeling days of not worrying about things like HYDRA and kidnapings. Well, of more than sex I guess." She sighed. "I really miss just taking off and going to party for a weekend." She walked off. "Maybe I need to just go on a wild trip for a few weeks when I get vacation. Go somewhere for singles and drink and flirt and fuck." She frowned as she walked. "Do I want to buy a new car? It's a pain in the ass in this city," she muttered. She walked past Stark, nodding at him. "Is there somewhere that's like a spring break only for adults who have sense when they're not there?"

"A few," he admitted with a smirk at her back. "I'll send you brochures."

"Thanks. I'm missing my first college partying days again." She went back to her office.

Stark shook his head with a sigh, going to talk to Pepper. "She wants to go on college kid spring break for adults."

"The security team was trying to make her do responsible things like buying a new car."

"She has a car."

"That ticket thing got it noted to everyone so they're all trying to find something against her when she drives it." She smiled at him. "They're going to train her how to find a safe room."

"The last incident we had, she headed for the baby to protect her." Pepper winced. "Which was a good idea that time."

"She's wearing herself thin," she said quietly.

He nodded. "She's young, she's used to a lot of work thanks to working with Jane."

"One of these days I'm going to limp into work with a broken heel, torn clothes, and holding a severed head," Darcy said as she dropped off something then left again. "I'm taking twenty to call my lawyer about that idiot. He just went on the news to proclaim I had asked him to grope me, it was a sex game."

"Go talk to PR," Pepper called after her. "They can call a reporter."

"I can do that on my own after I talk to my lawyer," she called back. He called her on the way down in the elevator. "Hey, Brian," she cooed. "I got a tweet about that and nearly got sick from the implications I'd screw that limp, diseased, worthless dick." She stepped off the elevator. "Please do, Brian. I'm sure you'll have *lots* of fun with him. No, I'm going to find a reporter. You too, dear." She hung up and walked around the tour group of kids. Which was a bit odd since they weren't a factory or anything. She went outside and snapped at a reporter that was doing a story. "Hey." The reporter stared at her, eyes wide. "Yeah, I saw his story. One of you guys sent me a tweet about it. Can I make a statement?" She smiled.

"You're that DeCriths woman," she said slowly and carefully, backing away from her. "We're with Fox News."

"That's fine. Because that diseased, worthless piece of crap that I'm suing for his gross acts went on your news station to tell them I had asked him to grope me due to a sex game. Hell no I'd never touch that, even if I had to save humanity with it. I would literally let every single being on this planet die before I touched him." She smiled. "Not that I don't think he's the major buyer of viagra in the city, but his trophy whore he bought this last time probably appreciates him not putting his tiny, liver spotted hands all over her."

She moved closer. "As a matter of fact, there's no way his new ploy to get out of trouble is in anyone's fantasy. Maybe his but I have taste and eww, he's not anyone's type. That's why he has to buy models as wives." The reporter was nodding quickly, licking her lips as she took another careful step back. "Watch out, there's a crack behind you." She looked and nodded slightly. "By the way, that lie upped the lawsuit part that's against him for trying to ruin my rep. I've already let my lawyer know he can be as evil as he wants to be." She smiled her sweetest smile. "I'm pretty sure it'll just make me a happy girl."

"So, his remarks about you this time were false?" the reporter asked.

"Yeah. Just a tiny bit like the Grand Canyon is a sidewalk crack. I might have to find drugs to get that icky mental image of him touching me out of my head. Oh, you might want to watch out. He's groped one of your coworkers in the last few months. She's suing him too." The reporter blanched, shaking her head. "Yeah." She smiled. "My lawyer told me that she joined that one against him."

The camera guy looked at her. "What are you going to do if you win and he actually pays you?"

"I'm going to give the money to the charities he promised money to if they fired me," she said dryly. "He hasn't paid them either."

"He did what?" the reporter demanded.

"Sent letters to the charities I was working with telling them he'd give them grants if they fired me immediately. I let them because money's always so tight that it's beyond penny pinching at most charities. Which he never made good on. They're suing him in federal court." Darcy grinned. "A few of those are international and country-wide charities instead of state or local ones."

The reporter swallowed. "Why does he hate you?"

"Because I proved he can't have what he wants by not letting him grope and finger me at that convention. Though he had noted in a statement before then that he thought I was hot. He had no idea who I was at the convention, he just wanted to grope and by the video camera footage he followed me to grope me." She shifted her weight then looked up at the alarm. "Oh, shit. You guys get to safety. Now!" She pointed. "Right now!" They rushed to somewhere to watch it and Darcy rushed inside and for the stairs. One of the guards pulled her into a safe area. "Get Emma!" she ordered with a point. "Lucky's probably with her."

The guard called that in, nodding. "She's locked in her mother's lab."

Darcy pointed. "The kids group."

He stared at her. "What?"

"There was a kid's tour group signing in when I was coming out."

He called that in and agreed, they were the cover for the problem. He got Darcy to a safer area and they were joined by a guard with Jane and the baby, plus Lucky.

Darcy looked up at the roar. "Bruce is really mad," she quipped. "Wow." The building shook. She sighed, looking at Emma. "Hey, kiddo. You okay?" She nodded, sucking on her mother's finger while petting Lucky. "Okay. You just stay calm. We'll handle this. It's an adult thing." They both looked up at the lights flickering and the sound of thunder. "Wow, your dad's mad. They must've woken him up from a nap." Jane cuddled the baby harder. "Hey, Lucky, you're a good boy." She petted him and he calmed down.

"Watch Emma," she said with a point. "Emma's really important. She's a little arrow." Lucky snuffled the baby and licked her cheek then sat in front of the door to make sure no one got in there. He barked when someone tried the doorknob. Darcy had her tazer in hand and used it as soon as the door opened. That brought down one of the two. She discharged the cartridge to get the bare tines to zap the other two since one came to help those two. She kicked the one that tried to grab the dog. "Don't even. The dog's better than you are." She was splattered by blood. "Eww." She brushed it off. "Thanks, Clint. Your dog's fine."

"I'll let him know," Barnes said as he stomped past them. He kicked a foot out of the way and shut the door again. A guard came running. "They went after Foster and Lewis with the dog and kid."

The guards got them out of that safe area and upstairs to one for the administrative offices. Lucky went to sniff and bark at Pepper then came back to cuddle the tiny human. His human liked the tiny human. And she did pet nicely. When someone tried that door a few of them had weapons this time. Emma squealed and hid but Lucky lapped her until she petted him. He barked when a familiar redhead pounced the idiot to knock him down and out.

Natasha looked in there. "Good boy, Lucky. Very good to guard Emma." She shut the door and locked it then hurried off.

Darcy looked around. Then up. "We have a ceiling hatch if we have to, people." They nodded. "Jane?"

"Emma's not great about enclosed spaces but she'll be okay if she's with me." She looked up then around. "Can we pick that open?"

"I can pick locks," one of the administrative assistants said. They shifted around so she could stand on a chair to reach the lock.

"This facility is now in lock down and under the new management of AIM," a male voice announced.

Darcy looked at the door then at the others. "Jane, you first. If they know who you are, they won't hesitate to take you and her." She nodded, handing Emma to Pepper before being helped up there. She took her daughter back and moved off to let others up. "Pep, you too please. You're the next most valuable target."

"They might not be here for us," she countered. "You should...."

"I have a weapon. You go now." She pointed. "Or I'll tell Happy and Tony both later." She grimaced but the redhead did climb up into the ducts. "Go, people. Crunch in if you have to. Go left then down and you'll make it to the main lounge area if that's been cleared of idiots." They got most of them up there before they heard boots. "Go," she ordered. "Just go." They closed the flap and that left Darcy with two others. She looked at them. They moved behind a filing cabinet. This had been an auxiliary filing room before being turned into a safe room. Not enough of one. Darcy grabbed the doorknob and held it from opening. They were trying to pull it open. Darcy waved a hand. It gave them time to get up there too.

"Darcy," one hissed.

Darcy shook her head and pointed. They closed the hatch again, moving away from it. Darcy looked up. "FRIDAY, if you can hear me, tell Tony they're safe," she said quietly. "And if I have to, they'll get me over my damn dead body." She didn't get an answer but they finally managed to yank the door open. She stared at them. "What do you guys want?"

"You were talking to the AI," one sneered.

"Everyone knows it's here. We ask her for stuff all the time. New music being played to ordering things for us while we're busy." She backed against a chair. "So?"

"You're coming with us." He hauled her out by her arm. There were seven of them on the team so she wasn't about to act up. She was taken to a bigger room to be talked to about what she did.

"Who are you?" the man in charge demanded.

"I'm the administrative assistant for the Maria Stark foundation," she said.

"You believe in *charity*," he sneered. "How charming. It's a weakness."

"Everyone needs help now and then," she said firmly. "Even kids."

"No they don't. If they can't do it on their own then they're not worthy," he sneered, hitting her.

She spit blood at him. "Then you wouldn't have teams with you," she sneered back. "That's help, jackass." He laughed and tried to hit her again so she headbutted him. She sneered at him. "Don't touch. I'm not yours."

"We can change that," he sneered back, moving closer to menace her. "You would do much for many." He stroked her cheek and didn't quite move fast enough to avoid being bitten. "Feisty," he sneered. "We'll teach you better soon enough." The guard team hauled her into a room and shoved her in. They had a guard in there to watch over them.

Darcy stumbled but someone caught her. She looked up at James, who quirked an eyebrow up. She stood up. "He thinks I'm feisty and he can correct that," she sneered. The guard laughed. Darcy turned and punched him. "That's for believing rape is a good thing. I hope like hell someone does it to you soon." She walked to the back area of the room, behind the others. James shifted back toward her. She slipped her tazer out and tucked it into his hoodie pocket, leaning on his arm. "I was doing background checks on some charities," she said quietly. "Before I went to sneer about that old guy and his newest statement of trying to annoy me." He nodded once. "Three uses so far, one cartridge," she said quietly. She pulled the knife off her hip and slipped it into his metal hand. "Am I making dinner tonight for the group?"

He nodded. "I could like that and so would the dogs."

"Can you two flirt later?" one stressed out assistant in the labs demanded, looking at them. Her eyes widened and Darcy glared at her. "Oh, shit," she muttered.

"Just calm down and breathe like it's a lab problem," Darcy said quietly. "You know Stark will fuck them up for this." She nodded, clutching the table she was sitting on. "Just breathe. It's a nice, normal panic attack and we don't have room for you to freak out." She got her calmed down and the woman nodded slowly. "Okay. Just breathe and ignore anything. They can't touch you. It gets them nothing since you have science skills and AIM is all about the wacky science."

"Stark's in the building," she moaned.

"I saw Stark drive past me when I was outside right before the alarm went off." She glanced at Bucky. "Emma was with her mom and Pepper out and about." He nodded at that. "And Lucky too."

"Good. I'd hate to see what he did if his dog got hurt." The tower shuddered at another something hitting it. He was casually shifting closer to the doorway, checking on a few people with her help. The guard was still sneering until James stabbed him in the throat. "Stay," he ordered quietly. "It's out of the way." They nodded and backed away.

Darcy looked at him. "Be mean for me please?" she asked quietly. He nodded. "Thanks."

"Welcome." He checked the door. Two guards. He heard something from the ceiling and looked up. A panel got moved and Natasha slid down to join him. "Which side?"

"Left," she said. He nodded and they shifted position. She kicked the door open and got under their guns since she was shorter and could move faster. He got them behind her back while she took on the further lying members of the group.

Darcy waited until the groups were suitably being whittled down. "C'mon," she said. "Lab floor three, the storage area with Banner's lab. It's got locks." They nodded and one was in a chair. Darcy helped by pushing her faster than she could wheel as they ran out together. Sam Wilson took over for her when she got grazed and she followed holding her arm. They made it to the right lab floor and there was more resistance there. Steve was fighting though. She poked Sam and nodded, leading him through the back ways. They made it to Bruce's lab and Sam took out the two agents in there so they could hide in the Hulk room.

Darcy was in the doorway and whistled. Lucky came jogging in and she got him in there with him before she shut and locked the door down. She remembered the override settings to get doors locked or unlocked. It still worked. She sighed, hugging the dog. "Hey, Lucky. You're a good boy and a great fuzzy butt." She sat against the door cuddling him. "People, we are locked in here until Stark lets us out," she noted. "Or Pepper with another Avengers member. There's minimal facilities and a small stash of water usually." She pointed at a cabinet. They settled down, a few using the facilities. Darcy listened to the fighting, wincing at a few screams. That wasn't their people, she was sure it wasn't their people.

"Are we totally safe in here?" one of them asked her.

"Yeah. This is the Hulk's room. Where Bruce goes when he has to calm down or to keep him from going over. It's reinforced at Bruce's instructions." That one nodded, settling down on the floor. She looked at the woman in the chair. "You good? I can see blood."

"It's on my side and it's not deep. I've got some pressure on it, Darcy."

"Okay. If we have a first aid kit, you guys use them. They looked and found one, helping those who need it get bandages. She did her arm and Lucky's left flank had a small graze she cleaned up and bandaged for him.

"Why are you treating the dog?" one of them demanded.

"It's Barton's dog. And my step-dog if I must be honest. It's keeping me calm before I have a heaving hissy fit."

"Oh. Okay," she said, backing down. They all heard someone female scream. A young female. Too old to be Emma though. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly and carefully. She looked around then at the group. She looked at Lucky. "You're a good boy." She petted him. She looked up. "FRIDAY? Status of the battle if you can?"

"All but three floors have been cleared, Miss Lewis," the AI said. "The one you're on is the heaviest. The secondary lab floor is under assault as they try to get into Dr. Fosters' lab and Mr. Stark's labs both." Darcy nodded once, sucking in another deep breath. "They are also in the medical unit but being kept out of the records."

"Thank you. Status of Emma?"

"She and her mother are both fine. They've all been led to a juncture that allowed them access back into a hallway and have been evacuated outside the tower by SHIELD forces."

Darcy smiled up. "Thanks."

"You're most welcome. Try to rest."

"Is Scott on this coast?" she asked.

"No. I'm afraid he's at home," the AI said.

"Any of the team not on site?" Darcy asked.

"No, they're all in attendance."

"Beep Kate Bishop," Darcy ordered. "They'll need the backup."

"I had not thought of that but Sir wanted them left out of most battles."

"Do it or I will," Darcy ordered. "They've got too many, you said so yourself."

"Point. I can ask if she's available." She paused. "She's in Canada."

"Fuck!" She petted Lucky then nodded once. "Look in my phone, which is in my desk. Beep Parker, Peter?"

"I can do that," the AI agreed. "Why?"

"Because he'll know who to call to come help. He's Stark's mentoree last I heard."

The AI paused. "He said he will tell others in town and will be here shortly. Do we...oh!" she suddenly exclaimed. "I see."

Darcy grinned up. "Yeah. I fixed a few injuries for him one night." She went back to petting the dog. "I wonder why Kate's in Canada," she muttered. "FRIDAY, can you call in some of the X-Men?"

"I had not thought of that because they do not get along well."

"Logan won't care," Darcy said.

"Point. He is in the city." She hung up with them and called him. "Mr. Logan, it is FRIDAY at Stark Towers. We need you to attend a meeting," she said from his phone.

He looked down. "Why?"

"Because AIM showed up to join in," she said bluntly.

"Coming," he agreed. "Twenty minutes tops." He paid for his lunch and headed out on the motorcycle he rode. "Any hot targets?"

"Most Avengers members are fighting on three floors of the building. Most civilians are locked up. It was one who told me to call you."

"I'll pat Lewis later," he said sarcastically. She's the only one outside of Rogers who had his number and Rogers didn't call out help that way. "Where's Barnes?"

"Killing a great number of soldiers with Agent Romanoff," the AI told him. "They're why the Avengers portions of the building are mostly cleared."

"Grand." He had to do a small jump using a tiny micro car as a ramp to get around the police barricades. It landed him in front of the tower and he ran inside to help. The elevators worked thankfully, running up sixty something flights of stairs was tiring right before a battle. He saw a window be blown in as he got up there and a familiar red bodied boy swung in on a web. "Parker."

"Got SOS'd," he said. "Where?"

"The other end of this hall is medical and they're trying to clear it faster," the AI said. "Then lab floors two and three," her voice was fading out. "I hate hackers. They're very rude."

"You do what you gotta do," Logan ordered, heading to handle it with the kid. Others rushed in to help.

***

Bucky looked up as the guy that had saved them from HYDRA landed on the porch outside and stomped in to help by throwing explosive playing cards at some of them. "We heard there was a problem," he said with a nod at Natasha.

"Remy," she said with a smile. "AIM is here."

"Great," he said. "Let us dance, cher."

"Lead on," she said. "I'll get the backup force heading for the infirmary."

"We have people helping there," Stark's voice called over the speakers. "Hit Jane's lab, Natasha. Clear that area."

"Got it," she answered, heading for the stairs. The guys went to handle the rest of the forces from the other side. They pinched them between the groups.

Natasha rushed into the lab and took out three agents with perfect shots and one not so perfect shot that made the man bleed on Jane's papers. Jane would yell later she was sure. She kicked him onto the floor to minimize the damage and she went to clear the other labs. She saw the light active on Bruce's room and considered. She knocked. "Are you agents?"

"No," Darcy called. "We're safe! We're the group they had upstairs, Natasha. I've got Lucky. Em's with her mom and Pep."

"Thank you. Stay."

"I hit the override."

"I'll let Stark know," she agreed. She reported that in as she went to help clear the other side of the lab floor. "Do they clone you?" she demanded when she ran into someone who looked exactly like the guy she had just shot.

"Twins," he said smugly, firing on her. His didn't hit anywhere near her and hers was effective to stop the smugness.

***

Logan looked up from using his claws, nodding at the guy that was behind him. "Cyclops."

"Logan. Who're they?"

"AIM. They wanted the lab and some people."

"That sucks. We had to hear from the news."

"I heard from the AI." He tossed someone into a wall and pierced their arm for them, sending them to the floor with a scream. "Join in. Please."

Scott nodded and got the rest of their team in to help. "Clear the floor," he ordered. "Don't touch anything. There's no telling what some of Stark's people are doing." They nodded and headed to fix it. He dove in with the main group. There were still too many agents.

FRIDAY came back up. "Thankfully I was reset by Agent Romanoff. Sir, all other levels read as clear of foreign agents. Just this floor is infested."

"Thanks," Stark called. "That's good news. Any more coming from outside?"

"No. Not that I can tell. They came up a sewer drain."

"They are like rats," Steve quipped, hitting one with his shield and then punching them into a glass wall. Suddenly the floor shuddered as something metallic moved. "Stark!" he barked.

"Not mine. Brandis must've been able to turn on his trial of a battle robot he was building for fun. No weapons but it's stomp happy. It likes to dance with Dum-E."

Steve shook his head. "I'll talk to him later." Someone shot him in the ass and he yelped, leaning against a wall. He threw his shield at them, knocking them down and out. "Fuck!"

"Getting shot in the ass hurts," Clint agreed cheerfully, hitting someone with his bow and fist, then tripping them to stab them with an arrow. "Takes forever to heal too because you can't sit up." He pulled out that arrow to shove it into the next guy's eye, which broke the tip. He shrugged and staked the next one in the ear. Then he got to move forward. "Hey, Logan," he said with a wave before hitting someone else.

"Next time send invitations and I won't be late," he quipped back. He clawed the one going for Clint's back and Clint shot the one trying to get behind the group. "This sucks."

"They have horrible timing and piss poor manners," Stark said dryly. "They really shouldn't come over to play without an invitation."

"Stark," Steve complained.

"What? They shouldn't! We would've thrown them a party if we had known they were coming. Or at least a tea." He shot a few others and got a hole in one of his leg armor pieces. "Thanks, really." He shot that one but he couldn't really move well now. One leg was like a heavy cast.

"Anyone seen my dog?" Clint asked.

"Lewis has it," Sam Wilson called from his spot. "Called him to join them in Bruce's safe room. She overrode it, Stark."

"Perfect. It's safe in there and has a bathroom for when you want to shit your pants."

Gambit smiled at him. "Remy has those days too," he admitted. "They are a good time to hide in a closet." He used his staff to beat two of the agents. Then most of them went limp and fell over bleeding from various orifices. "Kill switch?" he guessed.

Logan kicked one over, nodding. "Kill switch." He stood up with a moan, popping his neck. "Any others?" he called.

"No," the AI said. "All the other agents went down as well."

Sif stomped in looking glorious, handing over a remote to Steve. "It was their own stupidity that meant a simple remote could take out their soldiers." She looked around then at them. "The ones after Thor and Bruce have both went down. Mostly in a pond in a park nearby."

Remy stared at her. "You are quite the warrior," he said. "Remy would like to know your name?"

She smiled at him. "I'm Lady Sif, the warrior guardian to Asgard's heir."

Remy smiled. "Pleasure, cher," he said, kissing the back of her hand. "It's not every day that Remy meets talented women with your skills." She smiled at him and walked off. "If Asgard makes women like that, Remy might not mind moving some day. They probably have a bayou country too."

Logan hit him on the arm. "Really?" Remy grinned at him. "I saw the kid, Stark."

Stark looked at him. "Which kid?"

"The webbed one," he said dryly.

"FRIDAY, is he all right?"

"He is fine, Sir."

"Thank you. Everyone else?"

"Was either evacuated or in hiding," the AI said. "I've let in SHIELD forces only and their clean up teams."

"Thank you." He stood up straighter. "Let me get less dressed and we'll calm down over dinner. We can even host since I have many beers upstairs for the upcoming football season." He limped off.

Steve looked at them. "Anyone need medical?" A few nodded. "It's on the other side of this floor and up that half floor." He pointed. "The AI said it was clear." They moved that way. He limped off to check his team, starting with Sam since he was closer. "You okay?"

"My fists hurt," he complained, looking at him. "They need less hard jaws." He looked at Bucky. "You good?"

"I'm fine," he said, tucking the knife into his back beltline.

"Is that Darcy's tazer?" Steve demanded.

"When we were held together, she slipped it and her knife to me because they had mostly disarmed me. She was getting people cleared."

"I'm going to get her a suit as Super Assistant Woman or something," Sam said. He walked off. "Let me clean up the blood. They got me messy when their jaws broke."

Steve stepped closer. "You good?" he asked quietly.

"Yup."

"Good. Go clean up." He nodded, heading to do that in Steve's apartment. Steve limped off to medical. He'd need that bullet pulled before it healed inside him.

Stark came out and went to Bruce's lab, opening the door. Darcy had hopped up at the beeping noises so she was staring at him when it opened. "I don't think they wanted you this time," he said dryly.

"No but one thought I'd be great for team morale once they fixed the feistiness." She walked out. "Clint? I'll give him Lucky. He's got a small graze."

"Infirmary," he said with a point. "Anyone else need the infirmary?" A few waved a hand. "C'mon. It's safe." He escorted them to there or to the caf if they were healthy. He got checked over too. He had a few bruises. He came off the elevator on the living floor, hearing someone venting in the kitchen. He leaned in. "What are you doing?"

"Cooking to relieve my stress before I find a way to plant a bomb up someone's ass and send them back to them. It'd make them a better martyr." She looked at him then sipped her beer. "Simple food, casseroles and lasagnas." He nodded at that, waving a hand. "Thanks. Find Emma and her mom?"

"Going. Is Pepper?"

"With them."

"Good. How did they get you?"

"I evacuated them into the ceiling," she said. "We ran out of time."

He nodded, going to check on Pepper and Jane. Thor had Jane and Emma in a hug that wouldn't let anyone see Emma since she was smashed between them. "She okay, big guy?" he asked, patting him on the arm.

Thor looked down at him. "A bit dusty but otherwise unharmed, Stark. Everyone else?"

"Nothing serious. Jane, they were in your lab." She moaned. "Natasha took them out for you."

"Thank you. I'll check it later."

"I don't expect you in there before tomorrow," he ordered. She smiled at him. "Darcy's making casseroles."

"That is her stress relief," Jane agreed, shifting back to look up at her husband. "Food?"

"I will eat soon. I have to calm down first." She nodded, cuddling in again. Emma wiggled. "Hush, Emma. You're fine."

"I can't breathe, Dad!" He snorted but eased up on her. She wiggled free and hopped down, staring at Tony. "Where's Lucky?" she demanded. "He 'tected me so he deserves playing!"

"He's with Clint, honey. You can see him in a few." She pouted. "Go help Darcy in the kitchen?" He pointed. She ran inside with one of the agents following her. "Take her to Darcy," he yelled. The agent waved a hand. Jane smiled and snuggled in again. Tony found Pepper and hugged her the same way. "Thor has great ideas," he said in her ear. She cuddled him back. "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine, Tony. How's Darcy? She made us go first." He pulled back to look at her. She nodded. "Jane and Emma then me."

He sighed. "She's wearing out stress in the kitchen." She nodded, cuddling in again. He just held her for now. He could talk to Darcy later. She was not to sacrifice herself. That was bad. He saw Clint walking out. "Did you run into Emma?" he called.

"We did and she hugged him and cried a bit so he lapped her until she just cuddled. Now we're going to the vet's." He got a ride from an agent who didn't want to take him anywhere but they knew not to refuse Barton. He'd take the keys and lock the obstructing one in a trunk.

Tony went back to his cuddling. Melinda May stomped over. "What were they after?"

"Jane's research and her if they could get her. They have no idea she has a daughter. One looked amused until his head exploded from a boot. That agent is doing sentences later to apologize for taking him out on me." She grimaced. "They wanted to look at your repulsors." Tony nodded at that. "And they wanted Bruce and Thor to test on. They had no idea Lewis was here or who she was. The only ones who spotted Barnes he took out with Romanoff so he's safe. Lewis is having a fit in the kitchen but it looks edible." She stared at him. "How did they get in?"

"FRIDAY said they came up the sewer."

"Good to know. We'll be going over that tomorrow. Who called in the extras?"

"Lewis had FRIDAY call them," Peter said as he landed next to them. He grinned at Tony. "Your lab's fine. I checked. It's a bit messy but nothing looks broken and the robots are trying to fix the mess." Tony smiled and nodded, patting him on the arm. "Bishop and her team was in Canada. She had the AI call me second and I called others. Logan said the AI called him too."

"That's good thinking," Melinda said. "Some day I may want to see her as an administrative agent." She looked at Stark. "We have the tower locked down for the next two days. Civilians are in checking over and debriefing status on their way home."

"That's fine. There's clauses in all the contracts for these things that give them paid days off," he said.

"Good. Much nicer than SHIELD's." She grimaced as Hill stomped over. "We heard you're here now."

"As of tomorrow. It was going to be next week," Maria Hill said sarcastically, looking at Stark. "We'll go over all the weak spots tomorrow. Any concerns from the team that I'll need to address first?"

"They're trying to train Lewis into hiding more often," Pepper told her.

Hill nodded. "I'll note that and make sure she's got disaster prep drills down." She nodded at Melinda. "I'll be at my desk at 0700 to start off. We'll do the general and then bring in the team at a later hour. Very few of them get up before nine." She walked off to take charge. "People," she noted. A few of them stared at her. "I am the new head of Stark Security. I was to start next week anyway." A few smiled. "Get the civilians debriefed and home ASAP. They need their families to calm down. Team meetings starting tomorrow afternoon." The head guards all nodded. "Good. For now, the tower's in lockdown for at least two days." She walked off, going upstairs. She ran into Logan, shaking his hand. "Logan."

"Hill."

"New head of security," she said. She looked in the kitchen at the irritated sounding grunts. "Lewis?" she guessed. He nodded.

"I'm fine," she called. "Go away, Hill. I'll be debriefed tomorrow. After I finish half a case of beer and finish cooking."

"Fine." She looked at Steve, who was sitting oddly. "Sharon's in town," she told him, getting a smile. "She's on mandatory downtime." She looked at Barnes, who was in the corner. "Barnes?" He looked at her. "You good?"

"I'm fine," he said patiently. "Really I am."

"Fine," she agreed. "Let me know if you need evacuated." He grimaced but nodded. "All right." She went into the kitchen, taking Lewis from the stove. "I will make sure personally you have all the disaster drills you need."

"I had them as a lab assistant, Hill. What makes you think I forgot them?"

Hill blinked. "I forgot about that." She smirked, sipping her current can of beer. "All right, we'll talk tomorrow."

"They weren't here for me."

"Good. Excellent in fact. Finish up? Everyone looks famished."

Darcy nodded, going back to putting things together and into the oven. Hill broke out the beer and the bar's stash for everyone else. They settled in to relax, calm down, and deal with post battle stress however they wanted. Remy started a poker game. It was unfair but they knew that about him. By the time food started to come out, everyone was a lot calmer and so was Darcy. She got hers to go and headed home quietly.

A guard stopped her at the doorway, staring at her. "No cabs," he warned. "No subway. Just in case, Lewis." She grimaced but nodded. He pointed a guard. "You live out toward Bed-Stuy. Take her?"

"Sure. C'mon, Lewis. Where do you live?"

"By that nice park."

"That's fine. I live about seventeen blocks on the other side of there so I can drop you there." She smiled and nodded. He drove her home, letting her out at the park. She walked off. A few people watched her but they looked like thugs to him. He'd mention that to Hill tomorrow.

Darcy looked at the guys staring at her. "Guys, had a shitty day," she said bluntly. "The dog and I are going to have wine for dinner."

"He's there with the tiny mutt," one of them told her. "Used the fire escape to bark at a mugger."

She smiled. "Cutey's a good dog too." She went up to her apartment, dropping things on the kitchen counter on her way to change. "C'mon, guys, come help me." They ran in to get petted and rest with the human puppy mother. She was cuddly so that was good.

Back at the tower, Barnes looked around then snuck out, going home. He spotted Darcy's lights on and Clint's lights were on too. So that was good. It meant they were safe for now. He had to figure out how to sneak more weapons to the tower when he went. He had thought four knives was enough with a few guns.

***

Darcy looked out her bedroom window that night, smiling since Clint's ex-wife was there nagging him by the look on her face and her hands on her hips. Darcy texted Clint to send the dog over so he got some free stress relief touching in without fuzzy help. Clint looked over and waved her off so she shrugged and went back to playing with the other two dogs. Though Lucky did make it over there with a huff of noise as he snuck in the open window. She petted him.

"You're a good boy. Your human just needs some human snuggles, baby. You can cuddle us." Cutey came over to sniff tails with him and licked the sore spot, making Lucky lick her back. Conor bowled into Lucky to knock him down and sniff the head cone he was wearing. They both took care of their buddy, making Lucky relax and wag his tail in happiness. Darcy got them special meals and put them down, letting the dogs munch before coming in to cuddle her on the bed.

Clint's ex-wife knocked then leaned in. "We don't mind Lucky," she called.

"He likes to watch," Darcy said with a grin and a wave. "Plus these two wanted to spoil him for being so helpful and guarding Emma earlier."

"Awww. That's fine then. Clint won't mind."

She smiled. "That way you don't have to look down at the foot of the bed to see the confused doggy look."

Bobbi snickered. "Seen that once already." She closed the door and walked off happier. Clint stared at her. "They're licking his stitches for him and making him a happy puppy in reward for helping you and guarding baby Foster."

"They're good at it too." He pulled her down. "Darcy's a great helper."

"I'm sure she is but I'm not into threesomes, Clint." She took a kiss.

Kate opened the door and nearly stepped in. "Never mind. Ignore me." She waved and closed the door, making sure it was locked before she went over to Darcy's apartment. She walked in and looked. "At least I didn't walk in on you like I did those two." She pulled the curtains closed. "That way we don't have to see them go at it."

"She's pretty but taken by work," Darcy said dryly. "How was Canada?"

"Boring. The tower was attacked?" she demanded.

"By AIM."

"Fuck!"

"Yeah. Lucky got a bit injured helping Clint and guarding Emma so the other two have been babying him."

"Aww, I like that you like Lucky that way." She settled in to pet Lucky too. "You're a good dog. Teach Cutey to help me that way too, okay?" He snuggled with this human, who laid down on the bed next to Darcy to get the dogs between them. "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine. I helped evacuate. Got told I was feisty and they could cure that," she said dryly. "So I bit the scuzzy asshole."

"Blood testing," Kate said with a wince.

"I didn't draw blood that time. And I test every year anyway. It's in another two months."

"That's reasonable." She cuddled the dogs, letting them calm her down. "I need to find a source of stress relief. None of us have ex's we can go pounce."

"Some teams do have people who screw in extreme circumstances," Darcy quipped.

"Yeah but then they get naggy. It's our age, we get cuddly."

Darcy nodded. "I remember. Cuddly not so much but hovering now and then...yeah." She nodded with a grin. "Tindr?"

"Eww! So many diseases and you don't know what you're going to run into for real when you meet them."

"Well, there's the tried and true renting one. Someone really should start a high class call operation for supers and their needs."

Kate burst out giggling. "I can't even imagine Rogers' face if someone suggests that to him."

She pulled her phone over to text Bucky. Who sent back she was warped and needed to go fix her own stress but he'd suggest it to Steve just to see that look on his face. He promised her a picture too. She showed it to Kate, who swatted her but was giggling. They fussed over the fuzzy things until Clint came over. Darcy looked at him. "That was fast. She busy?"

"Got called out," he admitted, coming to lay behind Darcy to pet his own dog. "You're a good boy to let them fuss over you, Lucky. Yes you are."

"Darcy suggested someone set up a high rent call girl operation for supers," Kate quipped with a grin for him.

"There's days I would've used them," he admitted. Cutey got up to bark at him until he petted her. Then she settled down to lick at Lucky's side. "Don't do that. You'll hurt him, Cutey." He pulled her off and tucked her under Lucky's chin. He could use a pillow to nap on and she liked that. Conor shifted so he was resting between the two sets of snuggly breasts.

"I told Barnes. He promised pictures of Steve's face when he suggested it," Darcy quipped.

"That'll be fun." He sighed, leaning on Darcy's shoulder. "Are you okay?"

"I'm good, Clint. I bit one guy but didn't draw blood."

"Uh-huh. You know they're going to yell about you not going with them."

"No time. I was holding the doorknob so the last two could get up there."

"Shit."

"Yup. Besides, I had my tazer and knife with me. I was going to use them but there were seven of them so I was picking a better time. Then I got shoved into a room with Barnes so I let him have them. He can use them better than I can."

"Yup. Definitely. He and Natasha made a huge mess." Kate lifted up to look at him. "They can do some damage, Katie."

"I figured they could." Someone knocked so she got up to let them in. "Hey, James." She let him in and shut the door. "We're all cuddling the dogs. We can make room for you."

"I don't want to interrupt."

"Neither of us are screwing Kate," Darcy called. "Come join the cuddle pile, James." He sighed but walked in there. Kate got behind him, making him tense up but she just hugged him so she could go back to petting the dogs. "Kate's team was in Canada today."

"Going after some minor poking little twerp," she agreed. "Who turned out to be the son of a guy who was selling kids, and who used to know my dad, so we got to handle them too. The Canadians were really happy we didn't cause any damage but had stopped that shit."

James looked back at her. "You okay?"

"I'm just stressed. I know my dad wasn't *that* bad of a bad guy when he was one so I know he wasn't involved but the fact he didn't turn them in for it made me pissed off and I took it out on their head guy's kidneys." She shrugged. "He's down and out. The Canadians have the kids to rescue. It'll help stop some of that." He nodded, patting her arm. "Thanks."

Clint looked at her. "There's a hope that someday we can stop all those sorts."

"Yeah, there's a lot of hope," she agreed. They shared a look and she smiled. "Thanks, Clint."

"Welcome," he said, laying back down. Lucky lifted his head. "No, you cuddle. You're good, Lucky." He snuggled back in, letting Barnes pet him too. Darcy took the hood off him and it was easier for him to rest now. He lapped her nose for that and snuggled in better.

Kate smiled. "See, cuddle piles are always better," she said in James' ear. She snuggled into his back and he groaned. She patted his stomach. "I can pet you if you want but I know you're not into me." She went back to petting Lucky.

"You know, there's groups that have coordinated hugging events," Darcy said. "Just so you can go and hug for a few hours."

James looked at her. "Why?"

"Because hugs aren't as common as they used to be," she said dryly. "Now we club and just get laid there instead of an all night stand." He sighed. She hugged him and Kate gave him a squeeze. "See, hugs help. It's got the same effects as meditating does."

He shook his head. "So weird," he muttered. But he let them hug. At least Barton was only cuddling Darcy. He looked back at the snore. Kate was snoring into his neck. He shifted but she grabbed him and nuzzled too, then snored in his ear while wrapping a leg over his too. He relaxed and she went limp again and still snored. Darcy grinned at him. He just sighed again, shaking his head slightly. "Sure, hugs," he agreed.

Clint grinned at him. "At least she's not sucking this time. I've napped against her in the car and woke up with her chewing on my arm."

James looked at him then shook his head. "We should introduce group hugs to the team. See how many freak out," he muttered. Darcy giggled, hugging him again.

"Natasha would stab someone unless she was using it to tweak them," Clint told him. "But we could." He called Stark. "It's us. It was suggested we should institute group hugging sessions after battles for stress relief."

Stark choked for a good few minutes. "Excuse me?" he demanded. "Hell no we're not going to do group fucking hugs, Barton! They'd kill everyone!" He hung up muttering.

Darcy burst out giggling, shifting back to pull Clint's arm over her to hug it. "You're so mean to him. Thanks."

He kissed her on the temple. "Welcome." They settled in to calm down while petting the sleepy puppies.

"I can go," James said quietly.

"Not like I'm going to molest her in front of you, Barnes. You might want to take the cuddly thing from me and we're not actually together." He gave him a pointed look.

"You look like fun but I'd never pounce you. You don't seem like you'd like me to," Darcy agreed.

"You're a pretty girl," James told her. "Not too many men don't want to pounce you."

She snorted, shaking her head. "By today's standards I'm too curvy. They all want twiggy things like Kate, though she's more muscular than she looks. I'm not in fashion anymore and that's okay."

He shook his head. "Real men like curves on their dames because that means they're healthier," Bucky told her. "Even if the idiots only like skinny bitches without skills and boobs." He smirked at her. "Though if you pounce me, time it better than when you jumped onto my back for a piggyback ride."

She grinned back. "You needed it."

"Maybe."

"You did what?" Clint asked her, looking down at her.

"He was having a growling at Steve moment about the past stuff. About ready to throw something at him and Steve was trying to be forceful so I pounced on James' back and demanded he give me a piggyback ride to prove what those muscles were used for." James nodded, grimacing at her. She grinned. "It changed your mood completely, right?"

"It did," he sighed with a nod. "It made me quit growling at Steve and yell at her. But Steve praised her for handling the bad mood I was growling about." He rolled his eyes and put his head back down. "So weird."

"It worked, that's all that's important," Kate muttered into his hair. "Weird ideas sometimes are the best things."

"They are," Clint agreed. "Want me to grab one of Darcy's hair things, Kate?"

"My last girlfriend had longer hair and his tastes good so it's fine. Thanks." She drifted off again petting James' stomach.

He looked down at her hand then back at her shoulder since he couldn't see her face. "I'm not your dog." She nuzzled his throat and hummed happily. He looked at Darcy. "If she was a guy I'd probably have to fight off the hard on."

"Girls don't usually have one that shows through our clothes," she agreed. "But we do get just as horny, James. We enjoy sex a lot too. Just like you guys do. It just takes us a bit longer to get off usually."

He sighed, looking at her. "I knew that."

"Some women even enjoy masturbation more than sex," Clint said.

"Sometimes it's easier," Darcy admitted. "But less fun. You don't have that weight resting on you."

James looked at her. "Are you that desperate?"

"If I was I'd kick the dogs off the bed since Conor's apparently part tit-hound."

He looked at where her dog had nested his head between her breasts then at Barton. "He's taking your spot."

"Nah, she taught him to move when she's ready to make happy groaning noises. Unlike Cutey and my dog, who like to watch."

"Conor tried to watch whenever there's someone else here. Same as Cutey does. It's the protective instinct. Alone means less chance of harm." They all heard someone moving outside.

Kate got up with a growl, going to open the window and look at the guy standing there. "Do you mind? We're petting the dogs and calming down from the battles earlier. I had my arms wrapped around a dude who makes you guys look like dirty poolboys and my dog was loving her petting too." The guy blushed but handed over a note. "Thanks. Be good tonight. We're too tired to deal with shit without being super mean." She smiled and closed the window then pulled the drapes again, handing Darcy the letter.

Darcy looked at it, then showed Clint. He sighed but called Bobbi to let her know. "Lurking robot in the park," Darcy told Kate. Who slumped, shaking her head. Clint waved his phone with a grin. "Cool. They can handle it?"

"It's their job," he agreed, putting the phone above their heads. "Thankfully you bought a king sized bed," he quipped, snuggling into Darcy again. She smirked at him. "It fits. That's all I care about." James grunted, half asleep himself now. Kate was snoring again. It was cute. Clint kissed her on the cheek and they let themselves fall asleep too.

In the morning, Bucky woke up first and looked around. Then at the hand stroking his stomach again. She was still asleep because she was mumbling into his hair again. He wiggled his way out of the bed and to the bathroom. He came out of the shower and found Kate in there washing her hands after peeing. "Morning," he said, using a towel to cover himself.

She looked at him. "That was probably the best night's sleep I've ever had." She grinned. "You're great. You didn't even expect morning sex."

"I never expect morning sex until I've woken whoever up with coffee in bed," he quipped.

She smiled. "That could work." She moved closer and kissed him. "For the extra special sleep help." He moaned, staring down at her, frowning slightly. She grinned. "Let me help that scowl, soldier." She fell to her knees and moved the towel, getting some fun in. He groaned and held onto the wall as she sucked him, letting her do it since she clearly wanted to. He'd remember she was just barely eighteen later, when he felt bad about it. Because this felt really nice. He hadn't had this in a while. He came and leaned against the shower wall, staring down at her. She stood up with a wink. "That's a good wake up."

He pulled her closer to kiss her, looking at her. "Need some yourself?"

"I'm a screamer, I'd wake up Clint and Darcy." She poked him on the stomach. "Maybe sometime soon." She strolled off to start coffee.

James caught his breath and grabbed a pair of Darcy's sweat shorts. It was bad that they shared the same waist size but they were pretty unisex. He went to help Kate make breakfast.

"That was nice of her," Darcy mumbled, shifting some. Clint's hand was on her breast and she looked back at him. He blinked at her as he woke up. "Kate and Bucky are making breakfast."

He kissed her. "That's nice of them. Coffee a good thing." He kissed her again and shifted. "Darcy?" he asked.

She smiled. "I can feel you've been having great dreams," she quipped.

He smiled. "Yes I have." He shifted so he was overtop of her, he liked being on top and she had nothing against it. He stripped them partially off and dove in to love on her nipples for a bit. She wiggled and he used his dick to stab into her, making her moan. She flipped them over and sat up, letting him have a better angle for his mouth to her breasts while she made herself happy this morning. It was good for them and the dogs had already fled after the feeding people. "Mmm." He looked up and kissed her. "Morning."

"Morning." She kissed him again. "Get us both off?" she suggested with a grin.

"I can definitely do that." He flipped them back over and got to work making Darcy happy with his fingers as well as his dick. She flailed a bit once she was fully into it, which was a good thing. She finally came, biting into his shoulder so she wasn't too loud. He groaned into her neck as he came. They laid there for a minute then she licked up his throat. "You're sweaty."

"It was a lot of hard work," he joked. "We should shower." He got up with a groan, hauling her up to help him with that project. She didn't mind, he helped her wash her back too.

James looked up as they came out, smirking at them. "Feel better?"

"Much," Clint said with a grin. He took his cup of coffee. "Morning, Katie Kate."

She looked at him. "I'd kiss you but I don't want to know how Darcy tastes yet. She's only a really filthy fantasy to me so far." Darcy swatted her but took her coffee.

"I didn't lick her this morning," Clint quipped. "All you'd get is toothpaste." He sipped his coffee. Darcy hugged Bucky to get a piece of bacon. He looked down at her. "They're cuddly in the mornings before they get enough caffeine. Sometimes they fall asleep together on the couch with the dogs." He sipped more coffee.

"I'm not really used to cuddly people. None of my family was that into cuddling and neither was Steve when I lived with him."

Darcy grinned at him. "A lot of people online think that you bent him over night and day."

"Hell, two reporters asked me if you two were having a renewed love life," Clint agreed. He stole a piece of bacon too, going to sit down. "I told them to ask Steve. I think he asked Natasha instead."

"That would've been nearly impossible back then," Bucky said. "Everyone was a lot more nosy and there wasn't any insulation in those very thin, weak walls. They would've heard him grunting a lot because the nosy old ladies used to worry about him getting another chest cold." He looked at Darcy, who was all but asleep against his back. He sighed, looking at Clint, who only grinned. He nudged Darcy with an elbow. "You need to go nap on the couch, not on my back."

"You're really comfy to sleep on though." She grinned, getting more coffee and going to the living room to nap against Kate's arm. She was the right sort of soft, Clint had harder arm muscles so not as good of a pillow.

Kate looked at her, then stole her coffee to drink. She was falling back asleep anyway. Clint stole the rest of the cup of coffee from her when she drifted off. Kate was laying on his thigh and Darcy was on her arm. It was comfortable. Barnes shook his head, finishing the cooking and leaving stuff to eat when the girls woke up. Clint looked at him. "The reporters and others think that you're going to be fully healed when you're dating someone or at least dating again," he said quietly. "Because you used to be a playboy sort and if you're fully healed you'll be back to your old ways."

James shook his head. "War changes a guy."

"They don't get that," Clint agreed. "So they'll probably keep nagging about that point for the next few years. The same as they get onto Kate and America for obviously being the stress relief of the guys on the team. The same as Natasha got until she had to take out someone who broke into the interview space to kill her for Russia. Then the reporters all decided she was scary and kinda mean so she must enjoy dominating men but we're too tough so they think she has a submissive on the side somewhere."

Bucky shook his head. "I've never heard her talk about it."

"Me either," Clint agreed dryly, smirking at him. "They tried to accuse Darcy of being the full team's stress relief more than once but she's kept everything on the QT. She's only looking for playing, the same as Kate is, until they find someone permanent."

"I knew dames like that before, Barton. They were for fun, not for keeps. Though they were usually a lot of fun." He grinned at the girls then at him. "I'd never poach your habit."

"She's good at it, really good at it, but I'm not addicted yet. I'm not home half the time. So no poaching license needed." He took another drink of coffee. "Though those two think of each other like sisters so I doubt we'll ever find them together. It'd be really hot, but probably not going to happen."

James nodded once. "Sure. I get that. It would be hot." He stared at them. He could imagine the two girls getting together and him being invited in to help them. It was a pretty mental image. They could both take a harder, strong ride so that was a great thing.

Clint grinned at him. "If you wanna ask, I can take the dogs for a walk."

"Nah, not right now." Clint nodded. The dogs came in off the fire escape, where they had snuck down to the alley to pee and then back up via the dumpster in the back that was just in the right spot for Cutey to be able to jump with the two bigger dogs. They ran up that side's fire escape to the roof then across and down to their window again. Clint looked at them. "Feel better?" They all snuggled in with James, who sighed but petted them. Clint grinned, finishing the coffee. "They're comfy."

"Like the fussy humans who raise them," Barnes shot back. Someone knocked and let themselves in. "Stark," he said with a nod.

He stared at the girls then at him. "That isn't what I thought would happen."

"Darcy got woken up too early so they went back to sleep," Clint quipped. "The dogs like his hands more to pet."

"Huh." He took pictures of the girls with a grin. "Natasha wanted one if something cute was going on." He looked at Clint then at Bucky. "We're holding an all Avengers meeting."

"Why didn't you call?" Clint asked.

"I did try to call. Your phone's going to voicemail for the last two hours."

Clint got up to look for it, finding it had slipped between the headboard and mattress. "Yup, I forgot it." He waved it. "Two hours?"

"Please." He looked at Barnes. "You should attend too. It'll be on the various threats at present."

He nodded. "I'll try to attend."

Darcy blinked, looking at them. "Tony, it's damn early. If you haven't went to sleep yet, go to bed. If you got up this early I'll praise Pepper to the skies for being able to keep you from being grumpy but I don't have one of those so shoo. Before I get naked."

"If you wanna get naked, none of us will mind," he said dryly, staring at her. "Plenty of us would adore it if you did." She threw a pillow at him. "Hey, just sayin'," he said with a shiteating grin. "We're having an all Avengers meeting in two hours."

"Kate can go. I'm not an Avenger."

He leaned down to get closer to her face. "Then next time, you go with Jane and Pepper," he said firmly. "Really, Lewis." She blew a kiss and put her head back down. "Wilson was thinking about designing you a suit."

"He's nice that way," she said with a hand wave. "Have fun with the meeting. I'll be back tomorrow."

"Day after. Two days, Lewis." He looked at Clint, who just smirked at him. "Train that into her?"

"I can try. I'm not over training and Hill won't get anywhere." James shook his head. "I'll make sure I get there and if Kate and Bucky want to join us they can ride with me."

"It's my car anyway," Kate mumbled. "I'll drive later." Someone moved against her back. "Hey, 'Merica, that's not boobs."

"That's Darcy," Clint told her. "Not America." He looked at Stark. "Should I call them?"

"Please." He took another picture and walked off smiling but shaking his head.

Clint found Kate's phone on her and called the number for Teddy. "It's Barton. She's asleep with Darcy, Teddy. We're having an all Avengers meeting in two hours at the tower. Yeah, Stark said you guys could attend since it'd be about the threats. Thanks, kid." He hung up and set an alarm before he tucked her phone back down her top since he couldn't get it into her jeans pocket. The vibrating would wake Kate up.

James looked at him. "That's weird."

"I set an alarm. It'll wake her." He smiled and got up to get more coffee. The girls shifted to snuggle together instead. Darcy sighed in pleasure as Kate nuzzled her chest but they were both still asleep. Clint got him and Bucky food and coffee then they settled in to eat and watch some news.

The alarm went off and Darcy complained. "Hey! No vibrators there. They don't do a thing for me."

Kate swatted her and pulled the phone out to look at it, grimacing. "Who hacked you?"

"You're welcome. Stark showed up," Clint said. "Breakfast is ready and coffee needs to be refilled.

Kate glared at him but got up to get coffee. "Thanks for cooking, Bucky. I know the big lug there couldn't make scrambled eggs."

Darcy sat up, pushing her hair back. "What the fuck?"

"Avengers meeting in an hour," he told her. "We needed Kate back and you were using her as a pillow. Stark thought it was adorable, he took pictures."

She blinked at him. "I'm going to bite you the next time I give you a blow job, Clint." He choked because he was laughing. She looked at James, who was trying not to smile. "You I'll bite somewhere else so you're not expecting it." She got up to make more coffee. She could make coffee in her sleep, and had many times for Jane and herself.

"Do you remember telling Tony if he didn't leave you alone you were going to get naked?" Clint asked with a smile. "He said that was fine."

She blinked at him. "He wishes but nope." She sipped her cup of liquid god and let Kate get her own. They settled in to eat and wake up while Clint got stuff so they could go to the meeting. Thankfully Kate lived on the way so she could change clothes and get Cutey's traveling case of stuff. They got up and left, letting Darcy go for a walk with the dogs. The park was pretty clear this time of day. Lucky and Conor ran over to the car to climb in with their buddy to go to work with her. Darcy just waved and went back upstairs to sleep, and maybe masturbate a tiny bit. Last night had looked like it could've gotten hot.

***

The security guard on the door nodded as Lucky walked past them with two other dogs. "Dog'vengers," he said with a nod for them. Conor barked once. "Good morning. Up in the sitting room area." He had no idea if they had super intelligence or not but they were helpful when things happened so he wasn't taking any chances. He nodded at James. "Sitting area, sir. Miss Bishop, Mr. Rogers said that your team wasn't needed."

"Bullshit," she said as she walked past him. "Did the others on my team believe that?"

"Not yet," he admitted, nodding at Barton. "Sitting area, sir at the dining table."

"That's fine." He got them onto the elevator and up there. "We're here, start the party," he said as they walked off. The dogs sniffed people and settled down near their favorite humans. Conor guarded Bucky.

Steve looked under the table then at Kate. "You brought your dog?"

"She's very helpful," she quipped, grinning at him then at Stark. "I may sleep cutely but erase that picture."

"Fine. It wasn't like you were groping."

"Which is weird since I tend to," she said dryly. "Unauthorized pictures of me mean I go cry on Darcy's shoulder and let her help me destroy people, Stark." He erased the main one on his phone. "Thanks." She got up to get coffee and came back, sitting down with a moan. "I need a bigger car," she told one of her teammates, who nodded. "They're taller so I let Clint drive and had the backseat with the dogs."

"The security guard on the doorway called them dog'vengers," Bucky said.

"Well, they are helpful if they're here during emergencies," Natasha said, looking at Kate. "Most of us have been up for hours."

"Some of us went back to sleep when the coffee wasn't enough and ended up sleeping squished between Clint's thigh and Darcy's cuddling." She smiled. "It's a great way to nap."

"Cute too," Stark agreed.

Natasha looked at her then at her teammates. "Sex among a team can get complicated and cause strife."

"We know," America told her. "We have an agreement that even if we're married to each other we're not going to stress about that stuff. It's only stress relief and fun. That's why Kate and I club, to pick up outside dicks."

Kate nodded. "That can be fun. I wish we had better luck sometimes."

"I found a new shop. They had some pretty hip dresses that'll make us look like stars on the prowl," America told her with a smile.

"Cool! I could use something new to flirt in." She took another sip of her coffee. "Yes, between cups two and six, I tend to get flirty and raunchy," she said at the stares. "This is only cup three. I fell asleep during cup two so Clint stole it."

Natasha sighed, shaking her head. "We can get down to business, Steve?"

"We can." He put files up on virtual screens for them. "These are the three biggest threats we have right now."

Kate pulled up another one. "According to an online source, he's hired another hitman to take out Stark and Darcy because he believes he's her daddy in some manner or another."

"The man poses with his daughter sitting in his lap like a stripper," Teddy said dryly. "Doesn't shock us any that he thinks Tony's a molesting daddy."

Stark shook his head. "I'm not even a sugar daddy right now, kid."

"And Darcy could be her own sugar mama," America quipped.

"Point," Clint agreed. "Though she'd probably spoil with cuddles and cookies instead of clothes and jewels." Two new files showed up on the screens. "Was that FRIDAY, Stark?"

"Hill," he admitted. He looked them over, sending them at Steve. "How did your team get evil enemies already?" he asked dryly.

America smiled. "Just lucky I guess." She looked them over then had Kate pull up their files on those threats. The older Avengers looked them over, Clint making notes on them. "Probably won't bother you guys."

"Bullshit. Two live in the neighborhood," Bucky told her. "And the mob boys don't tend to bother them that much."

"I still like how Darcy told them to go to the gym and there were many types of strength," Clint said. He licked his lips. "They're all working out harder now."

"Next she'll dress them so they look like hot guys instead of thugs in track suits with gold chains," Kate shot back. "Then maybe take them clubbing so they can find the club whores."

Pepper looked at her. "Not the better ones?"

"Not these guys. They'd only go for the super easy." She sipped her coffee. "Like that one club where some girl was having anal sex on the dance floor." America shook her head but got Kate some more coffee. "Thanks, Mer."

"Welcome, Kate." She looked at Pepper. "It was a college age kid club we went to with Darcy trying to get her laid for stress relief. Two girls, both on one side of the floor, were lovin' it with the way they whooped and called while dancing."

"At their angles they couldn't have been very deep so it was faking it, girls," Clint said. He sipped his own coffee at Pepper's horrified look. "That was the night we were trying to get Darcy away from going evil. It's down by CUNY."

"I guess they took the name as innuendo," Teddy Altman complained. "Glad I don't club."

Pepper looked at Stark. "I offered to get her into an exclusive brothel," he admitted. "It would've helped her a lot. She said the last one of those she got forced into was run by SHIELD and she had to escape."

Clint hummed. "I looked into that. HYDRA was going to capture her then before knowing she could be bred to super soldiers. They thought she was more of a science intern than a fussing intern."

Stark leaned his elbows on the table. "I went over the possible outcomes if she wasn't given the antidote to that one drug." He stared at Clint. "The likelihood was that she'd turn violent and take out whoever was with her. Probably by stabbing them in the neck."

"Did you remember to factor in consent?" Kate asked him.

"With that factor, it would've been less likely to have killed the person curing it and more likely to have her going on some kind of vendetta hunt against whoever had drugged her." He looked at her then at Clint. "The calculations stated that she'd probably take them out during it before they got one last happy moment in."

Clint nodded. "I can see her doing that. Before she left, not so much. Now, yeah, she's had to learn how to defend herself and I can totally see her taking out whoever's touching her against her will, Stark. Then wiping the blood off her and walking off to stab someone else for putting her through it." He sipped his coffee. "If they get her again, I'll make sure she's got a knife."

"I'm working on ways of hiding more of them," Bucky said.

Kate looked at him. "How do you conceal an ass sheathe?" He glared at her. "Seriously. Wouldn't they probably strip you down? Or at least do an advanced search of some kind?" He nodded, still scowling. "So you'd probably have to have a butt plug that doubled as a knife to make it past that."

He sighed, shaking his head. "I could find another place to hide it, Bishop."

"Teach me that?"

"Later," he said. "After I paddle your ass."

"Oooh, spank me, daddy," she quipped. America handed her more coffee. "Thanks, Mer."

Clint looked at her. "I'll have to put likes spanking games on your Tindr profile when I set one up for you," he told her. "That way you don't have to go without, Kate."

"I'd never touch someone from Tindr, Clint. They're usually filthy. There's better dating apps and I've already signed up on one." She grinned at him. "That way I don't fall in with a college boyfriend who wants to be a frat brother. I'd hate to have to stab one in the eye with an arrow."

Clint patted her on the arm. "That's a good idea, Kate. Really good idea."

"You two are warped," Steve said. "Really warped." They smirked at him.

"I caught it off his bow," Kate quipped with a smirk for Rogers. "It apparently came out of his sweat and is communicable."

"A dirty mind isn't an STD," Pepper told her. "Otherwise I would've caught it from Tony."

Tony leered at her. "I can try again if you want."

"No."

"Fine, Pep." He looked at Bishop. "You guys share bows?"

"Sometimes we train together," she quipped. "I get to use his to up my strength and balance because his old one is set to a weaker pull."

Clint nodded. "It does increase her skills with various other weapons in case she had to pick one up out of the blue." He looked at her. "I want Barnes to test you on hand-to-hand and your hand weapons."

"Got it," she said, looking at James, who nodded. "Today?"

"If you want," he agreed. "We can work that dirty mind out of you today, Bishop."

"Sure, if you think you can. I'll let Darcy baby any injuries later. She's the favorite to baby them."

Clint nodded. "She does a good job."

Thor nodded. "Aye, she has to mine in the past too, when she worked with Jane."

Steve sighed, shaking his head. "Uh-huh." He looked at Kate then at Bucky. "I had to look up what a group hug was."

"It's comforting," Natasha said. "But not our style."

"There's those groups that hold hugging events," America told her. "They seem happy when they come out after a few hours of hugging."

Natasha looked at her. "I could not stand that."

"Darcy also suggested that someone set up a superhero call girl agency," Kate told her. "That way no one had to impose for stress relief." Bucky took a picture of Steve and Bruce's faces.

Thor laughed. "There are usually many who would appease a warrior's stress after a battle, Kate. We do not need to hire one."

"Not in this town," she said dryly. "They're all horrible at it or want something less complicated than a quick and dirty bit of stress relief."

"I had one tell me that if I needed more than five minutes it was too much work for her," Clint said with a nod. "They're not into warriors. They're more for the pretty people so they can say they slept with them in the press. It's status gathering in the bars," Clint told Thor.

Stark nodded. "Which is why I don't club anymore and had a vasectomy at eighteen. LA's the same way."

"Yes, I remember many of them needing cabs called the next morning," Pepper said, smirking at him.

He shrugged. "I wasn't taken then. I was looking for Miss Right and found Miss Right Now. A lot of guys find her and her sisters."

"Found plenty myself," Kate muttered, making her teammates nod.

"And groupies," Teddy agreed. "Because that was weird."

"Yes it was," America agreed. "Including the cheesy line that she wasn't usually bi but she'd go on her back to please America."

Steve spluttered. "I think I met her," he choked. Bucky was taking film of this whole conversation. "Bucky!" he complained.

He grinned. "To show Lewis later to amuse her."

"Shut it down, Popeye." Stark ordered.

"We were army, not navy, Stark," Bucky quipped back. "And I hate spinach."

"Ditto," Bruce said. "About the spinach. Though Darcy's vegetarian lasagna was good at hiding it."

Stark looked at it. "That was spinach? You said it was pesto."

"You need more vegetables in your life," Bruce told him. "It does you good. Keeps you healthy enough to annoy Pepper."

"I didn't realize it was spinach either," Pepper admitted. "But it was still good." Tony nodded he agreed with that.

"The things we miss taking down an idiot who was tied to a guy who was auctioning off kids," Teddy said.

Natasha stared at him. "There was?"

"Yup. The guy we were after yesterday was the minion of one," Kate told her, pulling up her report. She had done it on the ride back.

Natasha traced that name. "They are almost joined with that one group I was looking into. One contact in common. Interesting."

"They were holding an auction in three days," America told her. "The Canadians are watching to see if anyone shows up while some theater people are pretending."

Natasha smiled. "Good work, children."

"All of us now legal adults, Natasha," Kate told her. "I was the youngest and my birthday was a few weeks back. We're only kids if you're Rogers' age." She gave her a pointed look.

"That is the age where most children do start to complain that they're grown," Stark agreed. "You're still a kid at my age, Bishop."

She blew a kiss. "I'm old enough to find a gold digging little mimbo and marry him of my own free will now, Stark. Too bad you didn't have any sons."

"Thankfully I didn't have any kids. That I know of. No one's ever come forward and I know the vasectomy worked."

"Remember, those can grow back," Bruce said. "You might want to have it checked again, Tony."

"I will when I want to have it reversed."

"Let's get off the subject of Tony's balls," Natasha said. "Some of us already know too much about them."

"They were tastefully covered when I did Playgirl," he quipped, smirking at her.

"Yes, I saw and was not amused. The same as I wasn't at Burt Reynold's centerfold."

He burst out laughing, nodding. "He was kind of a wookie, yeah."

The young Avengers members all looked that up and they all grimaced. "Some hair is okay. That much...no," Teddy said. "Too much fur, except for that weird shorts area around his hips. Mansculpting must've been invented after the seventies."

"It was probably invented in the seventies because only they could enjoy waxing your balls. It was an infection by disco music probably," Clint said. "And all the drugs they did back then. I was a kid and watched in horrified awe."

Stark looked at him. "I was a kid. I only saw Disco on the tv."

"Thankfully I missed all but two events of it," Bucky said at the grimaces Stark got. "And those I got to end the horrible music and some really horrible drugs."

Steve looked at him. "You did?"

"Thank you," Clint said, punching him on the metal arm. "That may have saved the world from remaining there."

"I'd look hot in some of the skimpy club clothes but I couldn't stand the bellbottoms," America said. "My mother has pictures of her and my dad she carefully hides."

"My parents apparently had sense and never went there," Kate said. "Or at least I never saw the pictures."

"Let's get back to the meeting," Steve said patiently. The kids being there meant that they never had a typical meeting. And Stark just made it worse. Especially since he just farted.

"Give it a three, try harder," Clint quipped with a smirk for him.

"At least it don't stink like Conor's when she's feeding him wet food," Bucky muttered, looking down at the dog, who stared up at him. "Yes, you." Conor hopped up to lap him, making him groan. "Sit, Conor! Sit!" He got sat on and the dog cuddled him. "Fine. You're cuddly like your human." He petted him with a sigh. "You're too big to sit on me."

"At least he's not a great dane," America quipped. She noticed Pepper shifting in her seat and moved further away. She had found out during earlier meetings that Pepper's farts were very bad but silent so she blamed them on Stark. It was a girlfriend's right after all.

Steve sighed, shaking his head. "Threats, people. We have to deal with them."

"Can we turn them on each other?" Kate asked. "Darcy was wanting to use that sex gas of HYDRA's on them and lock them in a vault somewhere."

"That's mean," Bruce told her. "And probably not ethical."

"That's why we were trying to turn Lewis from evil," Stark quipped, looking at Pepper, who smiled at him. "If you go evil, we'll figure out how to set you up your own country to take over, Pep."

Bucky looked at the dog. "You stink," he said.

Clint burst out laughing. "Sometimes we all do that, Barnes. It's a biological necessity."

Kate nodded. "I've heard Darcy's when she was sick. Wow." She shifted away from the table to cross her legs and lean back. "So, threats. So many threats that're too big to do more than whittle at. How do we do more than whittle at them?"

Steve shifted away from the table too. "We can find bases and take them down. If you kids find one, let us help?"

"Of course," America said with a smile. "We're only a few people. Having a few more to help would be great."

"Thanks," Steve said. He got up to get more coffee. His senses were heightened and Stark's ass stunk today so he needed something strong to cover up the scent. He passed behind Pepper and realized it wasn't Stark but he'd never accuse Pepper of farting. She was a lady most of the time. And would take a shoe to him the rest of the time. It was apparently going to be one of those meetings for a few more hours it seemed.
Part 14 by voracity
Author's Notes:
Because it's been a shitty week all around.
Clint showed up that night to check on Darcy, and he got there first because Kate had stopped to have a sundae with her team to go over things. He had gone for a jog in the park while the dogs found Darcy's treat giving fingers. He found Darcy naked on the couch, on her back, asleep, with the dogs all staring from the various other seats. "Guys, did she do that to herself?" he asked.

"Fell in the shower. Knocked myself stupid. Dizzy. Climbed out and wandered out here to sleep it off," Darcy complained quietly. "What's up? New threat to me?"

"No, you're not an Avengers member of any team," he said dryly. He walked over to check her eyes, weathering the swatting she was doing. "Minor concussion if any. You know the drill." He grinned. "How did you fall in the shower?"

"Cutey came running in at full speed to get away from the dinging of the microwave that scared her and tripped me as I turned around to see what she was doing. She also nicely licked me awake because the water stuff she hates was getting cold."

"How long were you out?"

"Maybe twenty. Not sure." She blinked a few times. "I checked, no blood. No real bump. I texted my doc's emergency number and he said to come in tomorrow to the walk in clinic."

"Okay." He helped her up, watching her turn green. "Let's get you at least dressed, Darcy. Anyone could've popped over."

She grimaced. "I don't think you should get that near to me, Clint. I might puke on you and I'd rather only do that to a husband."

He snorted. "I'm not getting married again. Did that, don't want a repeat." She grinned but wobbled into her bedroom to put on clothes. He looked at Lucky. "Thank you for watching over her. That's a good boy. I need to teach you to text message me, huh?" He petted him then the other two. He texted Kate on the way to make sure Darcy didn't pass out again. He spotted her back, staring at the long cut. "What cut you?"

"Soap dish I think. The edge broke off when I fell into it."

He nodded, going to look then came back out. "That's not wide enough for that cause." He touched it, making her wince. "Okay, so maybe we should go to the ER."

"Maybe we shouldn't. There were six massive wrecks listed on the news before I fell asleep," she said, blinking hard at him. "I'll be fine."

"Yup, sure you will. Let me draw blood at least, Darcy. I can see a needle mark." She frowned at where he pointed. He texted Bobbi and Stark both while he got what he'd need from her emergency kit. She had overstocked with Bruce's list for their carried medical pack. Bobbi's answer back was that no one in the neighborhood had been reported. Stark's said that FRIDAY said that someone had broken in but her link was cut so she only noted someone on the fire escape. Which could have been any neighbor or one of the mob guys. He got her dressed and laying down, heading downstairs. He looked at the guys on his stoop. "Who got into Darcy's place?" he called. "She fell and I need to know when and if anyone else got to her."

One of them shrugged. "We didn't see anything," one said, not looking at him. "Why would we?"

Clint smirked. "You know, she's going to destroy people."

"She's a sweet lady," one said with a nod. "Not our sort though."

Clint smirked more meanly. "Sure, I won't tell anyone, like Stark, who thinks about her like a baby cousin." They all stared at him. He looked behind him. "Who're you? You're new."

"I'm the one in charge of this group of young men," he said.

"Cool." Clint beat him until the guy was groaning on the ground. "That's for going near Darcy." He smirked down at him. "Who're you with?"

"No one," he spat. "You can't prove a thing, *hero*."

"I don't have to. I'm not officially an agent. I'm a freelance agent now." The man's eyes went wide so he looked up at Barnes as he got out of Steve's car. "She's been passed out for a while. I found a needle mark. She's got a slight concussion and a huge cut on her back."

"Skin scraping you think?" he asked.

"Probably." He nodded. He looked at the group. "You guys can answer."

"Him, man. We had nothing to do with Cookie Lady. We respect her. She'll kill us somehow," one of them said. "Barnes, she said you're late with the rent."

"I paid her on the first. She snorted it," he said. They groaned. He looked down at the guy. "I was a better Russian even when I was brainwashed. You should meet others who can enforce what being Russian is." He pointed at Natasha, who got out of the car that had just pulled up. "We were going to steal from her freezer, Clint."

"She's got some usually. The dogs are all watching over her." He nodded, going up there. "I pulled blood," he called.

"I have Stark's spare scanner," Natasha said, patting the case she carried. "I'll be right back." She looked at the man on the ground, making his eyes go wide. "He was an agent. Pity he was so useless." She strolled off. The guys in the regular mob unit were staring. "Eyes right," she said firmly in Russian. "I will practice on you." They quit staring at her. Bucky smiled at her.

"I'm a fantastic version of a Russian woman," she said simply. They went into Darcy's apartment. The dogs all barked at her. "Good dogs. Let me check the human." She found the blood sample on the counter and ran it into the scanner. It came up with a few things. "Hmm. They were going to pick her up later, after the sedative was wearing off. It'd make her severely sensitive to touch so they could torture her easier, which points to them being horrible at it, and they gave her estrogen for some reason."

"Probably trying to counter the birth control shot," Darcy called. "I hate this shit and I'm going to kill them once I won't cry and scream at the pain of hitting them."

"We can hold them for you," Bucky said, going in to look at her. "Hey, doll."

"Bucky." She limply waved a hand. "Steal from the freezer please. I'm running out of room."

He went to look. "No you're not. Someone stole most everything from in here."

"The mob boys sometimes do that and sell it in the restaurant," she said blandly. "I'll go kick them later."

"I can do that for you." Natasha was getting a response about how to handle it. "She does look like she's got a small concussion."

"Bruce is bringing an antidote with Steve." She went in to look at Darcy. "Should I ask about ...invasive tests to make sure you're fine?" she asked quietly.

"I would've felt that," she admitted. "I'm horny but no one's cured that since this morning."

"Good." She patted her on the hand, earning a wince. "It will end in about two days."

"Great. I have to be at work tomorrow."

"You will live. You're a strong woman."

"I am, but I'm about to sob like a kid so can you quit touching me please?" Natasha let go of her wrist. "Thanks."

"You're welcome. We will figure this out."

"They think I'm pretty," she said bluntly, blinking up at her. "I'm betting one of them thought I'd be useful somehow."

"Perhaps. We will make sure." She went down to talk to that idiot on the ground. Clint had him pressed against a building while he talked to a SHIELD agent. "She was dosed with something to make her super sensitive to touch and some estrogen," she said in Russian. Clint stared at her. She nodded. "She thinks they'd want her to be useful."

Clint looked at the guy, who was praying. "God won't help you or save you from her. He hasn't saved anyone from her yet."

Bucky came down the stairs with the dogs. "Lucky's got a bit of swelling in his stitches but it might be from them licking at it for him. I'm going to let them pee then I'll watch over her until Banner gets here."

"That's fine. Do you want a piece of him?"

"No, she knows more than I ever will about such matters. I will trust the expert at getting men to talk." He smiled at her and nodded politely.

She smiled back. "Flatterer," she said in Russian. "It will not make me bake you cookies like she does."

"I have to find her a good recipe for Russian tea cookies. I miss those."

"Hmm, I do sometimes as well. They are tasty." She smiled at Clint. "May I have him?"

"Sure." He handed the guy over. "Want help holding him down?"

"No, I don't need it, Clint. As you know."

"I'd just like to hurt him more, Natasha. You know that."

"I think we would all like to harm him. We should do so before the Hulk gets here. He is very fond of Darcy making him tea and lunch." She walked the idiot off. He was sobbing now and Clint's apartment was easily cleaned. The mob guys watched and stared in awe. She stared at one, looking him over. "Much nicer than the track suits. More suitable to a businessman." She walked around him.

Clint grinned. "We'll be out soon." They all stepped back so they didn't get near the crazy one or that Russian. You didn't get near a mad Russian woman, it was suicide. When Cookie Lady came tumbling out and glaring at everything, they got out of her way too. Clearly she was learning things from the mad Russian woman because she demanded the right to hit him a few times too. Clint came jogging back down the stairs. "Guys, Darcy knows that you sell some of her frozen stuff at the restaurant. She's not real happy about that." They groaned. "At least give her a portion of the sales." They nodded. "Especially since she's got a concussion so won't be baking for a while." He spotted James coming back. "She's over here to hit him herself."

"It's a strong woman who can pick up a bat and swing it with a concussion," he said. He handed over the leashes. "I'll get her back to her bed." They both looked up as someone went screaming off the roof. Not that guy but another guy.

"No, I didn't want HYDRA either," Darcy shouted after his limp body. "Thanks the fuck anyways, douche yacht. Clint, he was poisoning your coffee supply. She said to get it back from HYDRA." She went back inside.

"Yeah, I can do that," he agreed, waving up there. He looked at James, who was staring at the body then at him, shrugging back. "I'm not brave enough to take a victim from them."

"No, me either. Let's get back up to Darcy's, dogs." They ran ahead. They were well trained, smart dogs.

Clint heard a click and turned, breaking the reporter's camera. "Hi." She ran off. "Huh. They'll have a great story about us fighting the Russian mob I guess." He shrugged. "That'll be fine." He looked at the lower level mob guys, who all wandered off like they knew nothing. Clint sat on his stoop, waiting on the ladies of destruction.

Kate showed up and parked, getting out of her car to stare across the roof. "I'm going to stay over here while I give you bad news so I don't get destroyed in the fit you'll throw."

"About the guys that drugged Darcy?"

"No. Someone did?"

"Yeah. Someone did. Natasha has them."

She flapped a hand. "I don't have to worry about them, Clint. She won't save me any. Hell, she won't save Darcy any." She shifted her stance, staring at him. "What would you do if Mer said she spotted the guy in the picture in your bedroom?"

He stared, looking confused. "What picture?"

"The one where you keep your quiver."

He blinked a few times. "He's dead."

"For a dead guy he's walking really well and not wanting brains. He's been checking into this neighborhood through someone else's contacts and they warned Mer."

Clint blinked a few times. "If he's alive I get to beat him to death."

"Okay, sure." She smiled and nodded. "Does that mean you won't throw a destructive fit?"

"Not on you." She closed her door and walked over. "Where did they see him?"

"Up the street at the grocery store yesterday."

Clint sighed, looking around then at her. "Okay."

She sat beside him. "Darcy really got hit again?"

"She slipped in the shower thanks to your dog. Small concussion. Large cut on her back that didn't fit the scene. Needle mark. Super sensitive to any touch. Threw a guy off the roof who was poisoning my coffee." He looked back at him then at her. "It's going to be a super messy day today."

She nodded. "Clearly." A police car pulled past and they all ignored the officer pausing to look at the guy in the alley. He gave them dirty looks, reaching for his radio. "He was HYDRA," she called. "We called an agent." The officer called that in and parked. "He was trying to poison Clint so we're sitting out here while someone talks to his people."

The officer blinked at them. "Hawkeyes," he said with a nod. Natasha came down by herself wiping her damp hands off. "Um....oh, you're her," he said weakly.

She smirked at him. "Yes, we had a slight problem with the Russian mob working with HYDRA earlier. It is now solved."

He nodded slowly. "Is he the only one that needed to go to the morgue? I don't want to know really but I have to ask by law."

She pinched him on the cheek with a smile. "No, I will be giving him back to his people." He shivered but nodded and ran for his car to wait on backup. She looked at the two archers. "The poisoned coffee is bagged up as is the poison he was shaking into it when we got up there."

"You let her throw him off the roof?" Clint asked her.

"The other one was getting feisty." She shrugged. "Darcy could do that."

"On a related note about douchebags," Kate quipped. "Someone told Mer that his brother's alive."

Natasha stared at her oddly. "How?" she asked Clint.

"We never got confirmation of his death," he admitted. "But I'm going to beat him to death. Then we'll be sure."

She patted him on the head. "I'm sure you'll have fun with that. Let us know if you need assistance."

"Of course not." He grinned. "I'm a good boy. I can do that."

"Good. Darcy is passed out again on your bed. The over sensitization got to her."

"I broke a reporter's camera."

"It's something I enjoy myself," she agreed. "Will they try to arrest you for assault?"

"No. She ran off. I figure there'll be a story about us fighting the mob."

"No, only you do that." She sat down next to him. Another officer in a car pulled up. She nodded at him. "He jumped," she said with a point. "Trying to get away from us because we found him poisoning Clint's coffee stash."

The officer stared at her, smiling some. It was a fairly condescending smile, like was about to call her a little lady. "Why would he jump, ma'am?"

"Agent Romanoff, not ma'am."

The guy blinked at her. "Like the Avenger....oh." He stared at Clint, who grinned and wiggled his fingers. "So he jumped?"

"Yup. I was down here because she was talking to someone who had drugged a friend of ours. He's being turned in to people."

"We can take him," the second officer said.

"No thanks. He's got a ride." Darcy stumbled down. "Kate, get her to bed please."

"Yup. C'mon, Darce. Let's get you and your concussion into bed while the officer cleans up that jumper guy." She walked her that way, letting the dogs in since they were whining at the door. "I'm sorry, we thought we left the door open for you guys. Guard the Darcy human for us?" She petted her dog first then the other two. "Good dogs."

"Sometimes," Darcy agreed. "I still don't know why Cutey rushed in that way." She yawned. "This sucks."

"Yeah it does. Rest for now. Let them clean up the mess." She tucked her in and went back down there to watch the masters work their mojo on the locals.

The second officer stared at her. "You can go home to your parents if you want, miss."

"Considering I'm an orphan that'd be really hard to do and I live on this block." She sat down beside Clint, looking at the cuffs. "To keep you from hurting them?"

"The first officer got scared I'd hurt them." He got himself out of them and handed them back with a grin. "Thanks. Needed the practice." The officer's eyes went wide and he stepped back. "Have fun cleaning him up. I'm pretty he's not dead. He's been groaning."

"He said some dame pushed him," the ambulance driver called.

Natasha looked over. "He is mistaken." The man blinked at her. She stared back with a smirk. "Isn't he?" He nodded frantically, trying to get away from her. "See? He is mistaken." She looked at the officer. "He is HYDRA. They're mistaken about many things."

"Including wearing the wrong uniform pins," Kate said from where she was standing. "When did they change the name tags?" Everyone stared at her. "We've seen plenty of NYPD tags over the last few years, people. Your patch is in the wrong shape. That's the old shape from a few years back, when officers were showing up about my mother dying. The new ones aren't that shape." She stared at the first officer. "He's wearing the right patches." The guy blinked and looked at his arm then at the new officer's arm. He called that in and got shot for it by the ambulance worker. Kate flipped over the railing and ran for the weapons while Clint and Natasha dealt with things.

Bucky came out of his apartment with weapons to help.

"Soldier!" one shouted.

He stared at him. "Shut up. Before I use you as target practice." The man blinked then tried to kill him too. Bucky shot him in the throat. Kate got stuff and came back for Clint and Natasha. "Kate, go guard Darcy. This is old warrior work."

"Sure." She ran over there to guard that building. She ran into someone coming in a top window from the hallway next to Darcy's door and hit him into a wall. "Darcy, threats," she called.

"I don't know you yet so I doubt you're a threat I'd care about," he sneered, trying to hit her back. Darcy opened the door and threw flour on the guy, making him go blind long enough for Kate to hurt him. Then throw him down the stairs. "HYDRA's responding to pick up their guy."

"I've got the safe room still." She took things in there to activate it once she and the dogs were safe.

Kate closed the door and hit the code to keep it shut. Then she skipped back down the stairs. The guy was trying to get up. Clint was a bit banged up but the HYDRA guys were down. The real officer was cowering again and calling in things. The idiot from the alley was dead now. Barnes looked very scowly. "Clint, you had a visitor to the wrong building." She pointed. "Darcy got him with some flour before she hit her safe room."

"Jeez, it's just a great day," he quipped. Stark pulled up and got out, staring at them. "She's in her safe room, guys." Bruce nodded, heading up there to check on her. Clint stared at the guy. "Hey, Barney. It's such a great thing to know you're alive. Odd thing seeing you here though."

"I came to warn you," he moaned. "Damn that chick hits hard."

"She's my protege. Feel lucky you're alive." New officers pulled up and Clint pulled an arrow on one. "I *know* you're not NYPD and were HYDRA."

"That was my sister."

Natasha looked over. "Your excuses are kindergarten level," she sneered. They got that guy down and came over to clean up the mess. "We have had two small problems today. One of the upper level Russian mafia people showed up to nag their people about handling things quietly and having some respect for the locals. He has people coming for him for drugging someone who lives here. The other," she said with a point at the body. "Was HYDRA. He was poisoning Clint's coffee so he ran off the roof when I faced him down about it."

The officer staring at her nodded once. "You're an Avenger."

"I am. I'm Agent Romanoff."

"Um, okay. Why are you here?"

"Clint was my work partner. I came to help him with the Russian problem." She smiled slightly. "My former countrymen were not very worthy and now they will become more worthy of that title."

He nodded slowly. "So the mob guy?"

"He has people coming for him." She gave him a small smile. "He will enjoy explaining himself to them I believe."

"We can hand him over to any agency that wants him," he offered.

"He has a ride."

"Fine. Um, this other guy? Why was he poisoning coffee?" She pointed and he looked then whimpered. "He's another Avenger."

"This is his off duty residence. He owns the building." She shrugged slightly. "He has friends who live here."

"Was one of them the one that was drugged?"

"Yes. She is a friend of a few of us."

"Oh, okay." Bruce came stomping out. "Oh, dear," he muttered.

"Bruce, is she not all right?" she called.

"We should take her to the infirmary but she's denying it exists like she's Stark," he said impatiently. "She's annoying today."

"Keep it up, and I'll tell them that HYDRA wants your babies too," Darcy called down. "I'll be fine!"

"You have a concussion, get off the fire escape," Kate called. "Before you fall."

"I'm fine!"

"That is the drugs talking," Natasha said, looking up at her. "Go back inside, Darcy."

"Fine." She went back in there.

"Isn't that the lady that HYDRA kidnaped to breed?" one of the new officers asked quietly.

"Yes, it was," Natasha agreed with a smile. "Darcy's a very nice, self protecting woman. Who bakes a lot."

"Um, yeah," the main officer said with a nod. "Is she the one that got drugged?"

"Yes. After someone's dog made her fall in the shower. She's also got a small concussion."

"I'll be talking with my dog later," Kate quipped. "Clint, your brother's groaning and staring at my ass."

He looked at his brother then at her. "You're the one wearing leggings." She hit him on the arm. "I know! But hey, he's appreciating all the working out you do to be on your own team, girly girl."

"Uh-huh. I only let the respectful and decent stare at my ass. Would your brother live up to my standards?"

"I don't think so. He doesn't live up to mine and mine are lower."

"Then make him quit staring at my ass before I show him what a female archer can do." She smiled at him. "I haven't had a workout today anyway."

"Barney, quit staring at her ass before she kills you. She can do that and I'll just have her drunk on my couch for it." He rolled his eyes but put his head back down. He looked at her. "Better?"

"I would've handled it but you probably want some sort of brother talking first." She strolled over to Natasha. "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine, Kate. Thank you for checking."

"It's getting me away from gropey reporter sorts." She pointed. Someone took a shot at them and she shot an arrow at them at the same time Clint did. They both got the sniper. "He's down," she reported as the guy fell.

Natasha looked then nodded. "Nice job, Kate. Very efficient. Nearly center mass."

"I usually try to go for wounding so we can question," she said.

"Which is a good idea," Natasha said, patting her on the arm. "You can go sit with Darcy."

"No I can't. Darcy said to quit hovering. She growled. I nearly gave her a dog treat."

"That is the drugs talking," Natasha assured her. "She'll be crying in a bit thanks to the same thing. Take Bruce and Stark with you." She nodded, walking over to talk to them. Natasha looked at the officer, smiling some. "She is an excellent protege for Clint. Doesn't idolize him or put him on a pedestal but does learn from him and any mistakes he makes."

"That's good to know. Is she on your team, Agent Romanoff?"

"She has a team she's a member of."

"Oh, that younger one," he sighed, slumping some. "Okay. Does she live near here?"

"Three blocks," she said with a vague point. "They jog together in the park with their dogs."

"It's good they have dogs. It means they're not too far out there yet." He walked off to report to the higher up that was pulling in. "I need a drink," he reported.

The higher up looked and nodded. "An evil group or the mob boys?"

"Both at different times today. The body is HYDRA. The fake officers are HYDRA. The Russian mob guys are all in hiding or pain thanks to Agent Romanoff." He pointed behind him.

"That's an Avenger who doesn't live here."

"She's visiting apparently."

"Huh. Sure. How messy?"

"None of ours at least."

"Good. Excellent actually." He went to get the overview from the agent and offered to take that poor, abused boy from her. She turned him down and promised they would hand him to a proper authority. He spotted a few others noted with the team. He was looking around. "Where's that one lady?"

"She's in bed. She is why I had a talk with that one mafia wannabe," Natasha said. "They gave her something to make her skin super sensitive. Apparently they are pathetic at torture so needed the help. She is healing that and a concussion from slipping in the shower."

He looked at her. "Is your former agency coming to pick them up?"

"No, I believe others will have him this time. He is not important enough for SHIELD."

"Let us clear out first."

"They would never show up while you're here."

"Does your friend and former partner have much trouble with the mob boys?"

Kate smiled as she walked over. "Now and then but they've also helped by protecting Darcy a few times. She makes them cookies in thanks." She spotted one guy, smiling at him. "Tie's crooked." He looked down and adjusted it. "Nice. I would've went with a more neutral tone to the tie but it fits well if you have a black jacket to put on over it." He nodded at that, hurrying off again. She smiled at the stunned looking officer. "Darcy pointed out why not many people took them seriously - purple velour track suits and gold chains." The officers just nodded at her. "Natasha, she's begging for salvation from Stark nagging her."

"It was not her fault."

"No. He's nagging her about other things because she's not able to get away. He said this way she had to listen to some of it and Pepper demanded."

"Hmm. Yes, he does want to nag her for not escaping first."

"If she had, then the others with her might've been trapped and killed. You know she would've been miserable about that."

"I know. She is gentle, for all that HYDRA makes her want to become an evil overlordess. She could do quite well with it if she put some effort into it. She wouldn't even bother us, she'd go after HYDRA and that idiot uptown."

Kate nodded. "We'd all like to see him beaten." Her phone beeped and she sighed. "Shit! I have that event tonight," she complained. "I've got to put on a gown," she called as she walked off. "Remind Stark he's supposed to be attending too so he won't make Pepper be ashamed of him," she said as she walked past Bucky. "I'll pick up my dog after I'm done with the glamorous people I don't like to talk to." She sighed, grimacing and thinking about her hair while she finger combed it. She'd have to put it up into a twist or something easy since she hadn't remembered to get a hair appointment.

Clint shook his head. "So glad I don't have to do those," he admitted, smiling at Bucky.

"Steve has to do those, not me. I'd hate to wear a suit."

"At least you wouldn't have to wear a gown," Darcy said, dragging Stark with her. "There, go get gussied up." She looked at Bucky. "I can't imagine you in shapewear, a strapless bra, a firmer form of panty for tummy control, hose, and makeup with the gown either. Or heels. I think guys should have to wear heels so they can commiserate." She trudged off.

"If I wanted to wear a gown I'd be fantastic in it," James called after her. "Even more than you are."

"Then please go to them for me," she quipped as she trudged. "Because I hate that shit."

Stark looked at Clint. "You should be coming."

"No I'm not. I told you that a few weeks back. No tux, don't want a tux, don't want to be a dancing monkey like Steve, no thanks." He smiled. "Have fun though."

"Fine. I'll be back later to pick up Bruce." He got into his car and drove off.

Clint and Bucky bumped fists. "We dodged that one," Bucky agreed. Natasha was giggling.

***

Kate looked at the poke to her rear and turned, slugging the idiot. "Do not touch my ass without my consent," she sneered at the guy on the floor. "How unmannerly are you?" She got led off by Pepper. "Sorry to be entertainment but I'll be damned if I'm going to be groped by someone I'd rather see dead."

Stark looked then at her. "Well, Darcy does consider you a sister, which works since that's the one that got her's son." He sipped his water, looking her over. "You look tired."

"Tiny bit. This is boring." She finished her glass of not-wine and put it on the planter behind her. "I should go before I have to kick someone in this gown."

"Stay," Pepper ordered. "He can go." She glared at him until he slunk off. "If you need to sue him like she did, I can give you the name of a few nice lawyers."

"I like Darcy's lawyer. He's appropriately mean and thinks I'm just cute." She smiled.

"He is enjoying going evil," Stark agreed. "Even our corporate lawyers said he was enjoying the evil too much."

Kate shrugged, smiling at him. "Good." Someone walked over to them. "You can join us. We're just talking."

"I didn't think they let the newly poor in here," she said smugly.

Kate smirked at her. "Yeah, I had trust funds that weren't in that and with my father dying it solved all that." The young woman flinched away from her. "Thanks to my trusts, I was worth more than my father ever was." She smiled. "How nice of you to keep up with the local gossip though. How is your father's time in jail standing him?" She huffed off, nose in the air. "Have a pleasant evening sending jobs to the Chinese," she said with a smile and a wave at her. She smiled at Pepper. "Let me go do something more constructive before someone needs hit." She strolled off to talk to someone in a corner. "Megan."

"Kate?" She looked her over. "No time to shop?"

"No. Been totes busy." She smiled. "Did you pass that test?"

"Barely. You?"

"Barely. Thankfully the rest of my grades are fine for grad. Are you going to be Columbia with me?"

"No, I'm going to Sarah Lawrence," she said. "You're doing Columbia?"

"Yeah. I thought they had some interesting courses going on. If I find what I want isn't there I'll switch around. Maybe I'll try Culver." She shrugged.

"Isn't that where that one bitch went?"

"I know her. She's actually a really nice lady. Just doesn't put up with shit. She's the one that let me stay on her couch after my dad died. She bakes a lot too. It's why I gained five pounds before the funeral."

"Seriously? You see her as a ball busting bitch usually."

"Yeah, because she has to be. She and I go clubbing and all sorts of stuff." Kate smiled. "She's like a big sister. She's super cool."

"Huh." She nodded. "That's spin I guess."

"Probably." Someone patted her on the ass so she slugged that one. "Get off my ass. I'm not a dog to pet." He stumbled off. She rolled her eyes. "I'm picky, not desperate."

Megan looked at her oddly. "How did you hit that hard?"

"Practice."

"Oh."

"I train in three martial arts, Megan."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, seriously." She smiled. "I'm pretty darn good too. If that's another hand on my ass I'm going to break it." The guy ran off. She sighed, turning to put her back to a group of old biddies behind Megan. "I don't want to end up the entertainment." Someone pinched her shoulder. "Hands off. I'm not looking for a sugar mama." They let her shoulder go. Kate looked at her school friend, smiling some. "Let me go somewhere away from pinching fingers." Megan walked with her. "You should come to the gym with me sometime."

"I hate sweating, you know that, Darcy. My personal trainer complains about it a lot."

"That's why I go to a regular gym. They're all staring at me and I have to be worthy to be in there so I work harder."

"That'd suck," Megan said. "People staring at you all the time? You don't even look good when you sweat."

"It's not about that though. It's about working out."

"No thanks." She waved a limp hand. "That's not my scene." She looked. "Eww, they let in the drug queen."

Darcy looked and grimaced. "Yes they did." She knew who the lady was, she was the major cocaine seller in the city. "Then again, half the room probably has her cell number."

"True." They went to get another drink at the bar, Kate not getting anything alcoholic and Megan getting more wine. "No wine?" Megan asked her dryly.

"No, I have to drive later. I didn't have the forethought to arrange for a hired car and driver tonight. I forgot all about this event."

"You could have one with me."

"Nah. I might bug out soon if I get patted again like I'm someone's dog."

"No, you're not a dog. No ears." She smiled and they walked off.

Kate looked around, then at Stark and Pepper, who were people watching. She left Megan with a nod at their hosts, going back over there. "What's making them all stupid acting?" she hissed in Stark's ear.

"I don't know," he said quietly. "It's weird though."

"Very."

"Did you drink?" he asked.

"Non-alcoholic."

"Me too. Pep?" She was giggling. "It's reacting in those who drank." Someone else walked in. "That's Scott."

She smiled, strolling over to him. "Hey, Scott." She shook his hand. "How's Cassie?" She walked him off. "Don't drink," she murmured. She glanced at a group of goofy acting matrons then back at him. "How did she do this year in school? I'm hoping I can give her letters of recommendation into my own school."

"She's not ready for that yet but she did good. Great grades. Had a 'B' average. I'm real proud of my kid." He smiled at the waiter, shaking his head. "I'm driving later. Thanks." He took a glass of water, so did Kate. They walked over to Stark. "Nice party, Stark. Thank you for inviting me."

"Not a problem. I never have enough people to talk to at these things." He glanced around. Kate was answering a text message to Clint. Who sent one back that they were coming. She showed it to Stark, who nodded. Scott sipped his water, grimacing at it. "Problems?"

"Heavy mineral taste." He put it down on the planter behind Pepper. She accidentally knocked it over and it withered the plant. "Huh." Stark looked and sighed then put down his own glass and Kate's glass.

Someone broke in. "This is a stickup," he announced, shooting into the ceiling. They continued to laugh and ignore him. He went to each group to get their things by asking. He ran into their little group. "Hey," he said with a smile. "That's a pretty necklace, can I have it?"

She smiled. "No. Sorry. My mother would be appalled."

"About what?"

She tripped him and stepped on his throat until he passed out. "That." She smiled at the agents coming in, pointing. They came to get him. "He was asking people nicely and they were giving him their things. There's something that was acting with the alcohol and now in the water."

"Thank you," the agent said. "Who're you, dear?"

"Kate Bishop."

The agent blinked a few times. "The female Hawkeye," he realized. She smiled and nodded. "It's great you handled him so quietly. Let us have him."

Kate looked at an agent she knew that was stomping over. "Him?"

"The drugs," she admitted. "Him we can take into custody. He is SHIELD."

"Okay. After earlier I'm a bit cautious. We had HYDRA trying to poison Clint's coffee."

Melinda May stared at her. "Why?"

"No clue." She grinned. "Just dumb."

"Yes, very dumb." She helped get the bad guy out of there. The PD could keep the bag of loot and hand it back when it was reported missing the next day.

Kate looked at Stark. "Swanky affairs you throw, Stark."

"Thanks, really. Not my idea of fun though." More agents and officers came in to get people gently to an ER for treatment. Stark took the remaining glasses of water and a glass of champagne back to his lab while Scott and Kate went to their respective homes for the night. Pepper would get treated and show up in the morning very mad at whoever had done that. Especially since so many of the attendants had been seriously ill by the time they got treated.

***

Darcy woke up to someone knocking on the door, holding her head as she walked over to answer it, blinking at the man standing there. "Do we know you?" she demanded. "I'm not in a friendly mood right now."

"Miss, we have a summons for you to appear in court," he said, holding it up.

Darcy picked up a mail bin and held it up. "In there." He stared at her. "Dude, I have a concussion. I'm not touching a blessed thing for hours since I have the nice double vision. It'll be safe in there." He dropped it. She used her phone to take a picture. "So I remember you were here when I wake up later. Have a better day." She slammed the door and locked it again. She looked at the summons then got some gloves from her emergency kit to pick it up and look at. A summons to appear in court over an assault charge. "Who did I assault?" she muttered. She sent a text to Brian about it, and he said he had no idea what it was about. He'd come pick it up later to give her an update. She said to please show up much later due to her concussion. She put the mail bin back down then took off her gloves so she could go back to bed.

***

Brian, Darcy's lawyer, looked at the judge later that morning. "Your Honor, there's two problems. One, my client was not informed until this morning to appear. The second, she's not able to attend due to a concussion. She's barely able to stay awake."

"Why is she concussed?" the judge asked impatiently.

"She said her friend's dog came rushing while she was in the shower and she tripped over it. She hit her head on the soap shelf in her shower."

"Oh, that's nasty. Do you have ER reports?" He handed them over. "I do see that they're dated this morning?"

"She went to a private physician when it happened. That's also her doctor's notes about it dated the morning after."

He read that, nodding. "It does appear she has a concussion." He looked at him. "We sent out the summons a month ago, Counselor."

He pulled up the tape from Darcy's hallway system. "This is him delivering it this morning, Your Honor." He let him see it. It had sound and picture.

"I see. Why did it take so long?" he asked the other side.

"No idea, sir. You had them sent out, not us," they reported.

"I can grant a continuance," the judge decided. "So she has time to figure out a defense."

"Or you could dismiss it since that woman was not Darcy Lewis, nee DeCriths," Brian said, handing over something to the bailiff. "The report and the pictures of where Miss Lewis was that night, Your Honor. They have her mistaken."

The judge huffed but looked at them. "I do see that she was publically photographed at an event somewhere. That's a pretty dress. My wife's bridesmaids wore something like that." He flipped to the other picture to compare them. "It could still be her."

"Sir, she was in DC that night. We have ER evidence that she ended up there after being bitten by a lizard." He handed that over as well. The ER's file had time in and out. "There is no way she went back three hours to assault that woman then went back to the ER. We also have the police report of that event that was nearly robbed." He handed it over. "It noted her bite but not her name."

The judge looked that over. "That's weird." He put it aside, looking at him. "She will still appear."

"If you wish but it's still impossible for her to have been in two places at once, Your Honor."

"There was time."

"Your Honor, did you not read the time on the report?"

"It could have taken a while to fix," he said firmly.

"Or there could have been an Avenger there with his wife and another one waiting outside to back him up, and she had her own security guard that night, Your Honor," Brian said. "The robbery attempt lasted less than twenty minutes thanks to Thor and Hawkeye." He handed over pictures from that event. "That is them fighting them off in the hallway and you can see Miss Lewis in the background. That reporter's camera does time stamp so it's on there as well. She's good but not mystical, Your Honor. She can't be in two places at once."

"I said she will still appear," he ordered.

"Yes, sir," he sighed.

"And she'll be here this afternoon," he smirked.

"That's fine, Sir, I can get her up for that but I don't expect her to be polite by any means."

"We'll see how she likes it when she's in jail for assault."

"Sir, she doesn't like to hit people. She tends to tase them." The judge flinched, shaking his head. "That's not her style. I can also tell you who did assault that person since they filed a police report against them." He held it up. The other side's lawyer grabbed it from his hand. "The one she started the fight with filed charges against their client for beating her." He looked over at the prosecution team. "That is the time and date of that assault, yes?"

"Yes it is. I did not get this when I asked."

"I asked a society reporter and she told me who it had been so I went to ask them if they had any proof. They had that and the ER report." He held it up. "Because they're suing her." He handed it over with a grin. "This is a nuisance suit like a pretend baby is. Even if Darcy had beaten her, she wouldn't have gotten much out of her." He looked at the client, who was bruised and limping today. "Who got you this time, young lady?"

"I don't have to speak to you," she sneered.

"Was it HYDRA since they're after the one you accused?" She flinched, shaking her head quickly. "You're lucky you survived them asking you about her." He took the files back. "So," he said with a clap. "Do you still want to press this?"

The lawyers got together to talk. "No. We're dropping the charges."

"No, you can't!" the woman said. "They'll kill me if I don't get her here! They're going to kill me and my moms!"

Brian stared at her then at the judge, who was looking appalled. Then at the lawyers. He looked around the courtroom, nodding at someone wearing a SHIELD style uniform. Then at the other lawyers. "Yours?"

"No," he admitted. "I knew nothing about this. I'm sorry we annoyed your client."

"She won't mind if it helps that one get free. Unfortunately if she were to show up here she'd have a bodyguard again so more people might get hurt. Your Honor, I move to stop this farce now."

"We are dropping the charges," the other law team agreed. "We had no idea about this twist."

"I say it's not dropped," the judge said. "We will be hearing why this young woman was assaulted."

"They want that lady bad," the girl said. "They said they could take her from here because she'd be less armed. You can't bring weapons into a courthouse." She stood up. "I didn't want to do this, Your Honor, but they have my mom hostage. I don't want to lose her."

Brian was texting with someone. "Your mother was found during a recent raid. She's in a hospital in Maryland." He looked at her. "SHIELD found her." She burst crying, slumping back into her seat. "I've told them to find your lawyers so they can get you to her side." He looked at the lawyers, who nodded they could arrange that. He looked at the judge. "It looks like this situation is solved, Your Honor. Can we be done with this now?"

"No. I still want answers."

"Sir, how would my client, who knows nothing about this, tell you anything?" Brian demanded.

"I'll hold you both in contempt of court if she isn't here at one." He banged his gavel. "Dismissed for lunch." He walked off smirking.

"Sure," he agreed, calling Darcy. "You have to appear here at one, Darcy. Yes, here. We've already done that. The judge is smirking and evil. Yup. I'll meet you here. Get dressed, get down here. Bring a guard. The girl admitted HYDRA was expecting you to be helpless." He listened and winced. "We can handle that." He hung up and texted that agent again. Who said she could send someone to the courthouse. Not an agent but someone Darcy would trust.

***

The judge looked at the young man behind Darcy Lewis. "Mr. Rogers," he sneered.

"No I'm not, Your Honor. We do look a lot alike but I am not Steve Rogers. I'm Tech Ops Specialist Jake Jensen, US Delta Forces." He handed the bailiff his military ID. They had been readmitted to be alive and then retired forcefully from the military. Aisha had still blown up Max in the middle east but the rest of them were mostly all right. "I'm a higher priced bodyguard, Your Honor."

He sneered at it, checking to make sure it's real. "I don't believe this is real," he noted.

Jake pulled up his paperwork from the military. "That's a copy of my discharge paperwork, Your Honor. Honorably discharged. At the bottom is my picture for formal records."

He looked it over, grimacing. "I see it is the same picture as on your ID." He handed it back to the bailiff. "I still think that's a fake, young man. I can hold you in contempt."

"Sir, I can prove who I am with a few other people who have known me and ask that Captain Rogers appear at the same time," he said bluntly, pointing behind him.

"He is not a captain," the judge sneered.

"I was given that rank posthumously after I crashed the plane into the ice," Steve said, standing up and taking off his ball cap. "Yes, I am a Captain, retired."

The judge stared at them both. "That's.... is he a clone?" he demanded, pointing at Jake.

"No. We've tried to see if there's any relativity but there's not," Steve said. "He's just cute. Anything else, Your Honor?"

"Sit down," he sneered. "We are here about Miss Lewis assaulting someone."

"No, Your Honor, we're not because those charges were dropped," Brian's partner said. They were both there now. "The lady in question admitted she had made up that assault charge to lure Miss Lewis into this courtroom so she could be kidnaped again. We can read back those minutes from the earlier statements if you wish."

"I say she did," the judge said. "And it was not a jury trial so it's at my discretion."

Darcy blinked at him then at Brian, who shook his head subtly. She looked at Jake then at the judge again. She raised her hand. "Bailiff, if my double vision is acting up please tell me so because I see two images of him, one of them younger with dark hair. I've seen through illusions before but it usually takes Asgardian mead. I guess a concussion is almost as good for screwing your mind up." The judge glared at her and changed then leapt towards her. Jake got in his way and stomped him onto the ground. Darcy got out of the way. She was in no shape to fight. Both lawyers moved with her as Steve had told them to earlier. Steve moved up to fight the guy as well. The bailiff was calling for help because that wasn't that judge.

"You'll never win," the judge/being sneered. "I'll get you."

"I doubt that," Steve said. "She's pretty guarded." More bailiffs rushed in with officers. "We have him down." He stomped on the guy since the illusion was back up. He had to change back from the pain of the broken arm he now had. He looked at the officers. "He tried to attack Miss Lewis."

"You know, you're pretty good at this," Jake quipped with a grin for him. "If you want to give up the shield you could do some bodyguarding work. We could set you up as another office."

"I'll think about that," he said with a smile back. "There's been plenty of days it'd be nice to have something easier."

"I'm sorry they're causing stress by coming after me," Darcy said.

"Don't move in case he can touch you and poison you," Steve ordered. "I'll heal, you won't."

"Sure." She pulled Jake back to protect him. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. He's a wimp compared to some of the ones we've fought. And he didn't even want to torture me. That means he's a worthless bad guy anyway." She laughed, hugging him. "You'll be okay and the headache will end soon."

"Thanks." She heard chanting and looked. "Does anyone else hear latin?" Steve nodded, looking at a corner. She pulled her and Jake down behind the seats in the audience area when a guy appeared. "Shit this is weirder than Stark tinkering while drunk and making an octopus with guns," she muttered, cracking Jake up. "Steve, going."

"Go," he agreed, fighting off this new guy. She and Jake got out of there in time to see Thor landing and stomping inside. "They had magic, Thor," she called. He waved a hand back at them. She and Jake fell back to her apartment's safe room. It was safer there. Conor was at Kate's in case the judge tried to order him put down for some odd reason since it looked like he was super against her for no reason. That way no one had to break him out of the pound. Jake got her calmed down and safe so she was okay for now.

***

Steve and Thor showed up that night, both looking a bit sweaty. Jake answered the door. "Is she okay?" Steve asked.

"Sleeping. I mixed up a slight drink so she could nap." He let them in by getting out of the way. "Darcy?" he called quietly. She moaned but woke up. "Steve and Thor are here."

She stumbled out, going to her couch to hug a pillow while staring at them. "What was that?"

"They were Asgardian and wanted you taken hostage as a means to get my cooperation with something," Thor said. "They were wrong to do so and taken care of, Lady Darcy."

She blinked at him. "I wouldn't let you do anything that way, Thor. I'm not Jane."

"We are still friends and you are still like my sister," he noted. "It is unreasonable of them to be so stupid but they have hopefully learned their lessons on their way to visit Queen Hel." He smoothed over her hair, making her wince. "Your head still throbs?"

"I'm still really touch sensitive thanks to that guy yesterday. They said it'll wear out sometime soon."

"Hmm. That is nasty," he agreed. He cuddled her, letting her sink into his side. "We will watch over you. You should come to the tower tonight."

"I've got my safe room here," she said with a point.

"We have many safe rooms," Thor reminded her.

"Just for tonight, Darcy? Please?" Steve asked. "I can put you into my apartment's spare room so you don't have to listen to Thor and Jane have sex."

"I've heard that a lot," she quipped. "Jane's a shrieker." Thor laughed, making her wince again. "I... Jake?"

"Go ahead and go. I can hang out here tonight in case someone tries something. Pack clothes for work tomorrow." She nodded, trudging to get that done. He looked at Steve. "Clay agreed, if you want to retire from heroing he'll gladly help you set up as a bodyguard sort."

Steve grinned. "There's been many days I would've liked that option instead. Let me get too fed up with everything." Bucky knocked once then let himself in. "I'm bringing her back to my spare apartment for the night."

"That's fine. She could use some babying."

"I do not," she called. "I have nothing I want to wear tomorrow. Nothing soft enough without shaving and that'll be horrible." She sighed and came out with a bag packed. "Something soft and I can hide the fuzzy legs." She blinked at Bucky. "Double images again." Thor moved to check him over. He broke the image processor on his necklace and knocked him into the hallway. "Sure, we can go now. Jake, are you sure?"

"I can come hang out in the common area there," he offered with a smile. She nodded. "Get things set so if someone breaks in they don't get anything." That meant she grabbed her laptop and a few other things to put into her bag. "Okay. C'mon, let's go." He followed them out, helping her down the stairs since she was so unsteady. They got into the car Steve had driven them over in, in the back. Steve and Thor came down together, dragging the not-Bucky. They met the real one at the bottom of the stairs and Bucky smirked as he took him to talk to. Thor followed him. Steve got in to drive. Jake grinned. "Should we stop and get the dog?"

"Kate's not doing anything tonight outside of an emergency," Darcy said, yawning. "I can pick him up tomorrow."

"I can get him," Steve told her. She looked at him. "Really, he'll be good to play with and he's very protective as a guard dog." He drove them off, pausing to get Conor, which turned into getting Kate and Cutey too. They all cuddled in the backseat so he had to take a picture with his phone. Then one when Darcy stuck out her tongue at him. "You two are cuter than the groupies Stark got last time."

"I need groupies," Jake said, sighing at the end. "It'd be nice to be admired for stuff and have girls that didn't want Cougar." Kate gave him a squeeze and Darcy gave him a cuddle. "Thanks, girls."

"Welcome," Kate said with a grin. "You're cute enough for groupies."

"Yes I am," he agreed smugly. His phone chose that moment to ring. "Let me wiggle that out, Darcy." She grabbed it for him. "Thanks for not groping too." She smirked up at him. "Yeah, Clay? Because I have your ringtone set specifically," he said dryly. "You can set one for each contact in your phone if you're good at it. No, I'm on my way to Avengers tower with Darcy, Kate, Steve, and the dogs. Someone tried to pretend to be Barnes. He and Thor are talking to them since earlier it was Asgardians and Darcy's seeing through illusions thanks to the concussion. Yup, and the dogs. Sure, let me know." He hung up. "He'll take morning shift," he told them.

"That's fine," Steve agreed. "We like it when Darcy has good bodyguards. She seems to need them sometimes."

"Hey!" she complained. "Not my fault. But can we get away from the street protest?" She pointed. "There's a rally and a protest tonight according to twitter."

"Gladly," Steve agreed, changing streets and going around the mess-to-be.

"So glad I didn't pull duty tonight," Kate quipped. "That'd suck."

"Why would you?" Steve asked her, looking back at a red light.

"Because people were worried the protest would get attacked," Kate said. "Not just by the protestors, who have a very good reason to be there, but by outsiders who might have ideas."

"I hope Stark's drunk octopus tinkering buddy shows up to fire up the ass of the guy that I'm suing," Darcy mumbled.

"We'll ask him if it can go do that," Jake said with a grin for her. She snuggled in. Steve drove off with a grin. "I know, we're adorable. You two could be just as adorable since we're almost twinning."

Steve shook his head. "I admire Darcy but I've got a girlfriend, Jake."

"Cool. I could use one of those too." Steve snorted but it had sounded amused. "Seriously! My last one Cougar stole. Hell, my last four Cougar stole," he admitted. "All the girls want his hat."

Kate patted him on the arm she was leaning against. "We know brains are hotter than cowboy hats and an accent." He grinned at her. "I'd offer but I'd only use you for sex and learning how to hack better." He laughed, pulling her closer to cuddle. His phone went off again. She looked at the message he was cracking up about sending back a text. 'I'm rich, adorable, on a supers team, and really skilled. If I want to offer my pussy up to such a great man, I can do that because I'm legal.' She handed the phone back once she had sent it, making him giggle into her hair. "I'm sure your friends will understand."

"I'm pretty sure they will too. Never hit on Clay though, he prefers his batshit insane so we'd worry about your mental state and if you were going to bomb his car."

"Wow, I thought I had met a few unstable people," Kate quipped.

"Me too," Steve agreed. "They bombed his car?"

"Yeah. He's had three that stabbed him. Another two that shot him. A few that tried to sell him to someone." He grinned. "He calls it volatile."

"I call 'em crazy," Steve agreed. "Well, if I meet anyone like that I'll let them introduce themselves to him."

"Thanks. He could use a new good thing. Lord knows they've been short recently, even for Cougar."

Steve was grinning as he pulled into the parking garage. "They are for all of us right now." He parked and got out, looking at the dogs. "Dogs, guard the Darcy human. We're going upstairs." They got out and Conor walked next to Darcy. Cutey walked ahead sniffing things and barking at people who might be in her human's way. At least until she smelled her favorite licking target and ran ahead to lick her until she got petted.

"Cutey, leave Natasha alone for a minute," Kate called. "Let's get Darcy to bed. She's sick." Cutey came trotting back, barking up at her happily and going to climb in on Darcy's stomach. Conor got the other side of the large bed. They laid there and let the human fall asleep. Steve put down water while Kate got food down for them then they left to let Darcy nap. Steve went to his apartment to rest. Kate walked out to the common area, smiling at them. The dogs followed her again since she was doing more things that could mean playing time. "Guys, this is Jake. He's a bodyguard that's helped Darcy a lot. He's a former delta guy and tech ops so he's good with mechanical shit that Stark can build." Stark smirked at her and waved. "Darcy wanted to use some sort of drunken octopus tinkering thing on the protest uptown." She sat down.

"I hate that she remembers that thing," he complained. "I was drunk. She can't hold that against me."

"I might be amused if HYDRA was taken down by something that looked like their symbol," Pepper said dryly, looking at Stark. "But that octopus was weird."

"It was, that's why I dismantled it when I realized I had built that thing." He looked up the hallway at the noise. "Hey, Jane. Don't go near Darcy, she's got a concussion."

"Why this time?" she asked.

"Russian mob guys," Kate told her with a grin for the baby and a wave. "Hey, Ems."

"I'm a good girl!" the baby shouted. "Not grounded!"

"You keep yelling and you can be spanked," Stark told her. "And grounded."

She pouted, sniffling at the dogs. She made her mother put her down due to the wiggling and went to cuddle the dogs. "At least you still loves me."

"We do love you, daughter, but you're a brat tonight," Jane told her. "You have to behave better, like your grandmother would want." She gave her a pointed look. "Really, you must."

She huffed but went back to playing with Cutey. She was more her size and the other two were cuddly but heavy. She pouted at Lucky, who licked her on the cheek. "You're smooshing me into Conor." Clint got up to grab his dog and take him back. "Hey! I only wanted him to move an inch or so!" she whined.

"You need a nap," Clint told her. "You're whiny like a little kid."

She pouted and sniffled. "Mean!"

"Yup, that's why we cook you breakfast," Clint said dryly. "But only if you go to bed. Now."

"Have dogs?"

"No, not have dogs. We need the dogs to guard everyone. You can play tomorrow." She slumped and sniffled but finally got up to trudge to bed.

"Brush your teeth," Jane called after her. "Want a bedtime story?"

"No," she pouted. "Mean bitch."

"I heard that. I'm telling your father," Jane warned. Emma ran to bed and hid, forgetting about her teeth entirely. Daddy would spank and he was mean about it. She didn't want that. Jane looked at Clint. "Thanks."

"Kids get cranky when they're tired." He shrugged and petted his dog. "She'll wake up and be in a better mood."

"I hope so. She hates the lab and anything math or science."

"Plenty of kids do until they find something they like that uses it," Stark agreed. She nodded, going to tuck her daughter in. Tony looked at the others. "So the mob? Are they done for?"

"Darcy talked most of the neighborhood ones into going to the gym and dressing better," Kate said with a grin. "That guy was apparently a higher up." She looked at Natasha. "Did they get him?"

"He is already on his way to upper New Jersey to defend his actions." She crossed her legs. Cutey hopped up to lap her until she gave in and petted her again. "Why do you persist in doing that?" she complained but petted the dog.

"Cutey's training you in how to handle a dog," Kate quipped with a grin. "Lucky does it to Bruce."

Clint nodded. "Yes he does. Knocks him away from his lab table and everything." Pepper left, giggling about that image.

"Lucky's like a kid between you and Lewis anyway," Stark told him. Clint just smirked at him. "He'll fuss over the scientists until they give up sciencing for a bit to eat and then play with him so they're happier." He sipped some water, watching the dog try to irritate Natasha until she gave in and petted her better. She finally got down to the petting and teasing of the puppy so that was nicer. Less drool too. She stared at him. "Did I say that out loud?" She smirked and nodded. "Sorry but true." Kate was giggling.

Jake shrugged. "I do that all the time. The team mostly ignores me unless it's Clay telling me to shut up, he's trying to hit on volatile women. Or Clay reminding me to put on pants because I was hacking something in my boxers again."

Stark looked at him. "Pepper made me stop that too." Jake grinned at him.

"Are you sure you're not Stark and Cap's kid?" Kate joked, grinning at Jake.

"Nah. I've never built an AI, never really wanted to because it'd mean I was more bored again, and I can't use a shield."

"You guys are horrible," Clint told Kate. Who just grinned back at him. Darcy wandered out toward the kitchen. "What's up? We could've gotten you water or something." She waved the hand with her tazer and walked into the emergency stairwell, shocking someone so hard they screamed and fell down the stairs. Then she wandered back to bed and someone in there shrieked too. "I got the stairs."

"I didn't know someone built a teleporter yet," Jake said, heading to Darcy's room. He hauled the guy up and hit him a few times. "Who sent you?"

"We want the bitch," he moaned. "She's wrong and forcing others to follow her."

Darcy looked at him, blinking hard. "It's the boobs. People like to follow my breasts." She slammed the door, going back to bed.

Jake dragged the guy out to dump with Clint's. "He said Darcy's evil and people are following her ways. She claims it was due to her boobs."

Clint looked at them, shaking his head. "I follow Darcy because she gets into trouble. It means I'm hardly ever bored."

"Yeah, we enjoy that," Jake agreed with a grin at them. "So, you failed," he told the idiot duo. "How does that feel? Do we need to find you a shrink to go with your new prison roommate? I'm sure they'd like to talk to you too."

Stark snorted, shaking his head. "Guys like that get mental counseling and probation, Jensen." Jake smirked at him. "We could hang them off the porch so they know who can really do evil. That way we don't nudge Lewis that way again."

Kate shrugged. "Too much work to hang them. You have to set up proper support so they don't crack the railings and/or fall."

Stark nodded at that. "Good point."

She snapped. "Found an article that proves reporters can be truly, honestly stupid. One of them was stalking Darcy and asked why she looked so much like that DeCriths woman. Were they secretly twins." Stark burst out laughing. "I nicely tweeted their twitter to tell the editor she was kinda stupid and couldn't read their own papers since she had said that." She looked at the guys on the floor when she heard one whine.

"She's *that* lady?" one of them demanded. "She's fully evil!"

"Duh, Lewis is her grandmother's maiden name." She smirked at him. "Yeah, you went after DeCriths, bitches. Have fun with that." She smiled. "Others sure will." They groaned and one cried. "So why were you after Darcy anyway? What evil was she doing this time?"

"She was doing things, wrong things, and it's harming people."

"By teaching them to read?" Kate quipped. "Really?" They nodded. "Well, fuck you because everyone should be able to read. That way people can look at things for themselves instead of being told how things are. That's why most smart people are for and support universal education." She stared at them. "Hell, I even donate money and time to that cause." They both were nearly crying. "Don't you, Stark?"

"Yeah. I give grants to my former schools and promising schools that do for geniuses. Plus a few college grants and I do give to education based programs for the inner city kids. A lot of geniuses are being held down by being so poor and in such piss poor schools."

Natasha nodded. "I do giving to those programs myself. Thank you for not making me get up, boys." They smirked at her. "The next one should be handled more easily."

One of them looked at her and went pale, inching away from her. "You're the great evil one that's teaching women to fight," he complained.

She raised an eyebrow. "All women should be able to protect themselves from men like you," she said bluntly. "You are clearly not worthy of any woman." He huffed. Officers came off the elevator with Steve and they hauled the guys off. "They didn't know Darcy was who she is but they considered her evil for working with people who need education. Apparently I'm the scary evil one for teaching women how to protect themselves."

One of the officers looked down at them. "Proves your were raised by idiots. Women shouldn't have to wait on someone to save them. It means they get hurt or killed because they had to wait." He hauled them down to their car so they could arrest them. They went to the jail sniffling about such indignities.

Natasha shook her head with a sigh. "I'm wondering why Lewis has such things happen around her. Is there some sort of spatial flux?" she asked Stark.

"I wondered about that for years since she didn't used to have that problem. Until she met Jane." He shrugged. "No idea if something about the incident in New Mexico did that to her or something that Jane found in the desert."

"I was there, there wasn't anything that we noted," Clint said. He shrugged slightly. "I thought she was hot but otherwise nothing out of the ordinary that we could tell. Though we did think she was just a normal chick without a degree."

Natasha smiled at him. "I'm the one that fixed her file. Thankfully that agent retired six weeks after he wrote it so poorly."

"That's good at least, yeah. He's not screwing up other background checks or files. Though there seems to be a lot of those in the new SHIELD."

She nodded. "Too many." She settled in to relax, letting the dogs cuddle around her for petting when they wanted. Conor was staring intently at the elevator door. "He does take his protection very seriously." She pointed.

Stark smiled. "He's a herd guarding dog. He's smart enough to know bad things come off the elevators. He's a great choice for her."

"She almost got Cutey instead," Jake told them. "Kate and I went with her to pick out her dog, with Lucky's help so they'd get along."

"That explains why the dogs are so close," Natasha said, looking at them. Cutey was nestled in Lucky's stomach fur again to hide while sleeping. She looked at Clint, pointing.

Kate grinned at her. "They are like you and Clint sometimes."

"I do not lick people's faces," she noted dryly.

"No but Cutey does it to either get your full attention on her so Lucky or Conor could sneak something or just to draw your attention. You have breasts for that, Natasha, and you learned how to use them even better than Darcy has."

Natasha smiled. "Thank you, I think." She looked at Clint again.

"They do work together as a team. That's how Lucky sneaks over to Darcy's so often. The other two open the press window and Lucky gets mine." He patted Kate on the top of the head. "Then again, she's said to be like mine and Bobbi's kid sometimes."

"I like your ex. She's a neat lady and I'd hate to not have my own mom but she'd make a good stepmom." She smirked at him. "Thankfully I'm not adoptable so I can't suggest you two get back together again."

"I'm going to beat your ass during sparring, little girl," he smirked back.

"If you're sure," she quipped. "'Cause I'm not."

"Uh-huh." He looked at Natasha again. "Bobbi thinks she's a cute kid too."

"Your former wife did have excellent taste before she married you," she joked. Clint scowled. She grinned a tiny little grin. "After you she married Lance."

"Point." He shrugged. "She's got a type."

"Uh-huh."

"Jake, let me get you a spare room," Stark said, standing up. "And Bishop too before they start to spar and then have sex."

"I can have Darcy's couch, Stark. I'm her bodyguard."

"Point. Okay, Bishop?"

"Sure, I'll let those two snark their way into bed. I'm sure it's an again but I'd never speculate." She got up and followed him to a guest room. Her dog and Lucky followed to nap with her. Jake went back to Darcy's room and Conor followed to watch from in there. Stark let the two assassins nag each other.

Clint shook his head with a sigh. "I think Darcy warped Katie a tiny bit."

"Perhaps but it could have been natural. After all, they do consider her like your child."

"Yeah, not hardly. Little sister, please."

"If you're certain."

"Yup. Very."

"I should teach her how to tie you up."

"You know I hate being tied up, Natasha."

"Yes but she could probably teach you it was a good thing instead." She smirked a tiny bit. "Especially if it would get you spoiled for your birthday."

"Absolutely not." He stared at her. "You *know* I hate bondage."

"Even soft ones on her bed?"

"She doesn't have a headboard that'll do, Natasha."

"Fine." She smiled a tiny bit. "I can imagine her tying you down with very soft ropes, with quick release knots and her being your body slave all day to teach you to enjoy it." He groaned but went to his own room. She smiled to herself, going to her suite to help the happy mood along. Teasing Clint was sometimes the most fun thing. She would have to ask Darcy tomorrow if she'd like the tying people up lessons. It might come in handy in multiple ways in her life.

Up the hall, Clint was shuddering and going to shower the nasty thought away.

***

Darcy got nudged awake in the morning and handed coffee by Clay. She grunted, glaring up at him. He smirked a tiny bit. "Agent here to speak to you."

"It's too fucking early for that shit," she mumbled, gulping the coffee and laying back down again to go back to sleep.

Clay went to tell the agent that. "She said it's too fucking early, had the coffee, and went back to sleep with the dog guarding her."

Agent Coulson stared at him for a minute. "I've had to wake her up in the past. It wasn't a spectacular day by any means." Conor came rushing out to bark at him. "I'm all right, dog. I just need to talk to her." Conor growled, hair raising on his neck as he faced off with the evil thing wanting his human. "Okay," he said, backing up slowly. "I'll wait an hour. All right? Is that okay?" he asked the dog. The dog was back to barking so he looked at Clay. "I'll be in the living room area when you can get her up."

"Fine," Clay agreed with a nod. "I can make the dog calm down. He's a good dog to guard her."

"Yes he is a very good dog to guard her." He turned at the sound of barking outside the door. "Is that Clint's dog?"

"Too high pitched so that's got to be Cutey, Kate's dog," Jensen said. "Conor, down please. He won't hurt your human." He sat up with a groan, looking at the dog. "It's all right. She won't get bothered by him. Tell Cutey to calm down."

"Dog!" Stark complained. "You're too damn loud!"

Jake opened the door. "There's an agent here to talk to Darcy. Conor went off on him so they came to back him up. Sorry, Stark."

"It's too damn early for this shit," he said, glaring at Coulson. "I still owe you a discussion about that dead thing."

"I'll be here for a few hours waiting on Lewis to wake up, Stark. We can talk later. Let me go sit in the living room so the dogs calm down." He got around the two barking dogs, running into the other one, who just stared at him intently while lightly growling. He went to sit down and smiled at the fussy, grumpy kid in there. "Good morning, Emma."

She glared at him. "Who're you?" she demanded.

"I'm Agent Phil. I head SHIELD."

She shrugged. "SHIELD sucks. They do mean things to my dad like make him fight." She looked. "Lucky," she cooed. "Come play me?" He barked at her then kept staring at the agent. "Hmm. You must be bad because dogs don't like you," she said. "Dad! Bad man!" Stark was laughing in the hallway. Thor stomped in with his hammer in hand. "The dogs don't like him," she said with a point.

He blinked. "Son of Coul," he said. "You came to talk to my daughter?"

"I came to talk to Darcy and she's not up yet," he said. "Which set off the dogs. I didn't mean to make them upset."

Thor looked at Lucky. "He would not harm her, Lucky. She is safe with him. You, Conor, and Cutey can all relax about him."

"They've all met me before," Coulson said.

"Big difference in when their human is awake or when she's asleep and vulnerable," Clint said as he walked out, clipping on Lucky's leash. "Walking time."

"Me!" Emma shouted, bouncing up and down. "I can help."

"I'd have to carry you," Clint told her. "And you hate that."

"Na-uh! I can walk!"

"Not for the five miles we'll be running you can't." He smirked at her. "You can have Lucky back in an hour. Okay? And Cutey too." Kate came out pulling up her hair and zipping up her hoodie jacket. She had Conor and Cutey on a leash to go with them. "C'mon, dogs. Outside time for a run." They barked at him and followed their orders.

"I can still go," Emma told her father, pouting at him.

"We can go play in the park later and I'll see if we can bring one of the dogs," he promised. She hugged his thigh. "You're a good girl most of the time, Emma. We appreciate that."

"She could get her own dog," Coulson said.

Thor shook his head. "Nay. We have much to take care of with her, especially when Jane's in the lab." He carried his daughter into the kitchen to get her food. She'd be less cranky once she ate. She was like her mother in that.

Coulson shook his head but made a note to make sure not to wake up Darcy when the dog was around. It might save other agents from being bitten. Which would then mean Darcy would take out said agent for threatening her dog. They didn't need that at SHIELD, they didn't have enough agents as is.

Steve came out shaking his head but smiling. "Morning."

"Good morning. I came to talk to Darcy but she's refusing to wake up."

"She'll do that for about an hour," Steve said. "Bucky used to make sure she got up some days when he was protecting her from the roof." He went in to make his own food, smiling at Emma, who grinned and waved from behind her toast and cereal. "Morning, Emma."

"Morning, Uncle Steve! Daddy said we could go to the park later and he'd steal Lucky or Cutey for me."

"I said I'd try to bring a dog," Thor reminded her. "Not that I would manage to. They might be back at home later, Emma."

"Whatever." She dug in again. She knew she could steal a dog. She had nearly stolen one in the park a few weeks back. Stealing from her uncle would be okay. Or Miss Kate. She was nice about those things.

Thor looked at his daughter. "No plotting," he warned. "Or no park." She pouted but quit thinking where her father could read her mind.

Steve grinned at Thor for managing to catch his daughter's mumbling into her cereal between bites. She was one hell of a girl, and hell on the nerves too.

***

Darcy got six whole weeks of stress free time at work, home, and volunteering, when the shit tried to hit a fan again. She frowned at the letter that had been delivered at her work, opening it. "Why am I getting mail from SHIELD?" she muttered, reading the letter. "Oh, that's sweet." She growled lightly.

"Miss Lewis, is something wrong?" FRIDAY asked.

"Yes, there is. But it's nothing that you can help me with, dear." She got up and went up to Pepper's office. She wasn't totally busy, and was glaring at her computer. "Tell me this says what I think it says?" she asked, holding up the letter.

Pepper took it to look over. "Yes, it blatantly states that SHIELD would like you to be raped and impregnated, that it's your civic duty to give in." She grimaced. "Who is that person claiming to be the director of SHIELD?" A beam went over the letter and then a dossier came up on her virtual screen. "I see the president did appoint him the head of SHIELD because Coulson's still supposedly dead. This is going to cause a lot of problems for us as well as the team." She looked up, handing the letter back. Darcy had that bad look on her face. "What are you planning on doing?"

She smiled. "Don't worry about it, Pepper. I'm not going to be *mean*." She grinned. "Let me go call someone." She walked off, going to grab her phone from her office and dialing as she walked off to go outside the office so Stark couldn't listen in. "Hi, Sasha, it's Darcy Lewis. Yes I heard. No, actually I'm calling to warn you. You have a picture on your journal from September that shows an undercover agent and he's supposedly dead. I'm pretty sure that they're going to have a hissy fit since SHIELD just got renewed and has a new director.

"No, it was the one on my block. That guy in the back you were wondering about, yeah. Him." She smiled. "Seriously? I think SHIELD might come after you for that little bit of a picture of him but I'm not totally sure so I'm warning you. Well, yeah, I'm doing more than warning you," she said with a smile. "Because the new director sent me a letter saying it was my civic duty to allow myself to be raped and impregnated. Literally said that I was ignoring my civic duty by not getting pregnant and having super soldier babies.

"That they could no longer help me if HYDRA captured me again. Sure, I can share that letter. I'll snap a pic and send it after I hang up. Yeah, that guy. He's not a bad agent and he's helped me a lot, even if he has tried to wake me up way too early a few times. So be careful, okay? As a few of your people proved last month, there's not enough smart reporters in this city." She hung up and sighed, looking at the security guard that had followed her. She snapped a picture of the letter and sent it to that reporter.

She felt pity for the agents at SHIELD but not that much. She walked off calling her lawyer, sending him that picture too. He promised to start something against them as well. When she got back to the tower with her new latte Stark met her in the elevator. She handed over the letter with a smile. "A reporter had a few pictures that could cause her problems thanks to that new bag of dicks. I warned her." She took the letter back once Stark was growling. She walked back to her office to get back to work. "Hi, Steve," she said when he walked in looking commanding. "Did the new director of SHIELD find you too? You look constipated."

"You broke open that conspiracy." He stared at her. "Hill sent me down here to talk to you before she beats you to death for spilling classified information."

"I don't have access to classified information, Steve. So how would I spill it?" She held up the letter, making him growl. "All I did was warn a reporter that she had a picture of an undercover agent who was supposedly dead before that new guy took her out, and probably her whole family since he's that sort apparently." She took the letter back and put it into her desk drawer, safe from harm.

He blinked at her. "Shit. You're fully evil now."

She smiled. "You say some of the sweetest things, Steve. Thank you." He walked off shivering. Hill stomped in so she showed her the picture of the letter. "All I did was warn a reporter that she had a picture of an agent who was undercover and supposedly dead before he took out her family. Considering she was complaining earlier that she was getting death threats from an unnamed source I figured it was probably your former bosses." She sipped her drink.

"That could destroy the rebuilding that SHIELD is doing, Lewis."

"I don't have access to anything classified, Hill, and I'll be damned if I'm going to be threatened that way. By the way, how does he know I'm fertile? No one's tested that and with that scarring from the surgery I might not be." She took another sip. "So therefore his HYDRA-like plans are foiled as well." She stared at her. "You can tell the not-dead one-eyed asshole that too, since social media has caught sight of him too. Even if I got knocked up by Steve or Barnes, you'd never get the kids. I'd send them to Asgard first to be raised by Loki."

She stared at the other woman. "Anything else this pretty fall day?" Hill groaned. Darcy smiled. "I hate being backed into a corner and having to protect myself, Hill. If I have to protect myself I will. Even if it means that others who have plots go down so I'm safer. What did you expect, me to just go hop on their laps and try immediately to get knocked up?"

"No," she ground out. "We expected you to be subtle."

"I don't think subtle would work, Hill. Guys like that don't understand subtle and I'm pretty sure if he's pushing this idea, there's others higher up who like it too. The publically available information on him said he's an asskisser."

"This is going to be bad."

She smiled. "You can tell them I might not be fertile anyway. That way they don't steal my records from my GYN again." She handed over that letter with a smile. "I was wondering which group it was. Turns out it was the supposed side of good. Who still would never get any kid I gave birth to. And if I did have a kid, I'd get much, much worse about protecting them. The world could burn and I'd light it on fire if I have to."

Hill stepped back. "I'll try to stop them. Can you lay low?"

"No. I have things I have to do this weekend. Sorry." She smiled. "You have a great talk with Coulson though."

She walked off texting Fury and Coulson about this. This was going to be a cluster fuck of the likes only Stark could create. She did go talk to Stark about not helping her. Too late as it turned out. Rogers had started to help her with that problem. She glared at him. "What are you doing?"

"Making sure that I don't disappoint my mother by having a child out of wedlock," he said bluntly, glaring at her. "Or Bucky's mom when someone tries him again. I don't want them to come back from the dead to beat me to death."

"Lewis just said she'd send any kid she had to Asgard for Loki to raise," Stark quipped from his lab stool. "At least the kid would be crafty."

"If I have to send my offspring off this plane to be safe, I'll make the world safe so they can come home quickly. She won't need to start that fire, I'll do it for her," Steve told him. He looked at Hill again. "She had a point. She couldn't have spilled classified information. She doesn't have access to classified information." Hill huffed. "Sorry but pity. You're not using me. You're not using Bucky. We'll take down SHIELD ourselves if we have to."

"I'm pretty sure you'd have help," Stark told him. "Before they try mine to get an heir they can force on the company to take over my suit and things." He held up the planning notes of the future operation with a smirk for Hill. "Try. Really."

She took it to look at and huffed. "That was not our doing, Stark."

"No that was the new director's doing," he said dryly. "I'll have fun with him."

"Sir," FRIDAY said quietly. "You asked me to watch Miss Lewis for odd behaviors? Would that include her buying a defunct company?"

"Probably," he said. "What did she buy?"

"She put in a bid on a closed rival of yours."

"LEWIS!" he bellowed.

"I don't believe she can hear you, sir," the AI said impatiently. "But I have noted you wanted to speak to her."

Darcy strolled in with her coffee, smiling at Tony. "You bellowed like I'm still a lab assistant?"

"You're buying Hammer's piece of crap company?" he demanded. "You don't even do science!"

"I can hire a lot of very good people to help me make defensive things so no one in my position has to be so unprotected," she said with a smile. "And if I don't need it, I'll donate it to Culver so they can use it for the new engineering building they've been nagging every alumni to donate to." She took a sip of her coffee. "I have plans but they'd never interfere with yours, Tony."

He stared at her. "You can't do that! Your contract has a clause about not working for a competitor for five years."

"Why would me making a company to create defensive technology be a rival to SI?" He blinked at her, looking confused. "Yeah. There's got to be better things than my door shock system, which got a few agents just now, Hill." She held up the camera view she pulled up of one agent trying to pull two others out of her hallway. She looked at Stark again. "Thankfully Conor's with Lucky right now and my system alerts Clint and Bucky both if I'm not nearby and don't answer within a few seconds of the alert starting.

"Kate would get it after five minutes of no one answering the alert." She stared at him. "I'm going to find a way to make sure every teenage girl and older in the US has access to a tazer and/or pepper spray while working on a better defense system for the girl out and about having fun. And I'll be giving Culver students paid internships," she said with a smile. "Gotta help my alma mater."

He stared at her, gripping his table. "That's still wrong, Darcy."

"No, it's a good idea," Steve said. "Perhaps a bit reactionary." She smiled at him. Then at Stark. "It wouldn't compete with what you're doing here, Stark. You don't work on general defense things for people."

"No, I don't," he admitted, staring at her. "You're fully gone to evil."

"A woman's got to defend herself somehow. Right, Hill?" She walked off. "If I don't need to start that I'll give it to Culver as my lifetime grant and make them responsible for that defense idea coming to fruition as a part of the deal to hand it over. It's really near the campus and they could easily sell all the old crappy machines to afford to rehab the building."

He groaned, staring at Steve. "I think it's a good idea, even if she is going toward evil," Steve told him. "It could be a great benefit for everyone."

Tony sighed. "Still evil." He sent a message to Pepper about that. She agreed, it wouldn't be a competitor to Stark Industries so she didn't violate the contract but she could take Darcy to the spa with her tomorrow to hopefully calm her down. Then she went back another one saying that Darcy was going to be staying somewhere tonight since agents had tried to kidnap her again and they were clearly SHIELD by their supervisors showing up to take them out for it thanks to Clint. Stark pulled up video from Darcy's building, letting them all watch it.

Hill called that senior agent. "Take them out if you have to," she ordered quietly. "We at SHIELD do not kidnap people to impregnate them. We're not HYDRA or AIM. Nor will we ever be. If the new director countermands that I'm outing that Fury's not dead." She hung up. She looked at Stark. "Calm her down."

"Too late now," he said dryly. "We've tried to keep her from going there but you guys pushed." He waved a hand. "I don't do magic and it'll probably take a lot to get her to quit plotting to keep herself safe from the likes of them. I'd watch out that she doesn't sue you and the president as well." She nodded, walking off calling Fury to apprise him of this clusterfuck. He looked at Steve, who shrugged.

"We can suggest she moves into the tower."

"She'd hate that. She has autonomy there." Stark watched the ass chewing and smiled, poking Kate's phone with a text message to stay out of it. Kate sent one back that was a middle finger emoji then started to yell at the agents, in full view of the press, the mob guys, the agents, and others. The reporters were having a field day reporting on that. "Bishop took evil lessons from Lewis. Well, she said she considered Bishop like a little sister."

Steve shuddered. "They're going to destroy them." He walked off. "I don't want to know yet."

"I'll give you a report," Stark said. "FRIDAY, make an outline of what's going on for him please."

"Yes, sir."

Stark leaned back to watch the government agency burn for the second time. He found Fury's phone number and sent out a message to that same reporter about him with that picture. She had a huge exclusive to breach and yell about. Within twenty minutes it was on Headline News, CNN, and FOX News was starting to whine about it. Oh well.

***

Darcy met with the people from Culver that weekend, smiling and shaking their hands as she greeted them. Pepper had talked her down from running it herself so she had to make good on her promise to give to her alma mater. "Thank you for coming so we can go over this donation." She settled into her seat. "I, like all alumni, have been hit up repeatedly for donations for the new engineering complex."

"I looked you up before we came up," the president of Culver University said with a smile. "You were political science."

"Yes, I am, but I have worked with some amazing scientists over the last few years. Frankly, I was going to deal with this myself and then hire Culver kids as paid interns but it got impressed on me that I'd never have any free time again." She grimaced. "And got nagged about being in the humanities instead of the sciences so I'd just be a figurehead." She laid out the folder. "I have bought Justin Hammer's former company. Including the lab that is not even ten miles from Culver's campus."

The president and the dean of the engineering college both stared at her. She smiled. "Originally I was going to set up a company that was going to be researching and making defensive things that will serve young women better than pepper spray or tazers. It's become a bit necessary in my life you might say. It was impressed on me that it would be better to let Culver have the rights to that building, let them sell all the old equipment, and make that a part of the grant." She pushed the folder over. "I don't want my name on it or anything but it's an important thing with how dangerous the world is today. Way too many women, including many women on the campus, are assaulted in some manner or another. We need to be able to protect ourselves. Which would take engineers to make new things," she said with a nod to the dean.

He licked his lips. "I have a few students who are dreaming up ways of that but they're not that practical yet. Are you looking to set up a chair or anything?"

"No." She smiled. "I don't need that sort of notice. I don't even use my original name thanks to the threats in my life. I don't need a chair named in my honor, my name on the building, anything like that. It can be the Culver Institute of Defensive Technology if you want."

"It's a unique program among the engineering schools and it could get us a lot of very good students," the dean agreed with a nod. He looked it over. "That building's large enough to be an engineering building and labs."

"It already has some labs. Though I'm told by Tony Stark that most of Hammer's things are pathetic pieces of trash. So if you don't need the machines you could sell them to do any renovation work you needed to do."

"Did you get the patents?" the president asked. "They should bring in a continual stream of money to upkeep things."

"He only had two related to it. He's still holding them but there's a way for you to claim anything patented as partially the college's so you can share that with the makers. Not to mention future endowments by other alumni."

They looked at each other and smiled at her. "Let's go over the details of what you were thinking," the dean said with a grin for her. "That's actually something we could really do a lot with." She went over the paperwork with them. It was pretty plain, very comprehensive so the IRS wouldn't go after her for anything, and nicely legal. It would give the properties from the company, outside three things, to Culver to disband and use the money to set up the new engineering complex.

It did lay out some needs Darcy knew they might not think of, including advanced firefighting equipment because she knew about lab explosions all too well. They could agree with that and announce it later that day once their own lawyers looked the agreement over. It'd take a year for that program to be set up there but they had budgeted five years before a new building was built so they were definitely ahead.

"Are you sure you don't want anything named after you?" the president asked.

She smiled. "You can name the counseling center's safe rooms after me if you want but I don't need it. If I wanted my name on things I would've married Stark."

He shook her hand. "Thank you, Miss Lewis. You've done Culver University a great service."

"You guys hooked me up with Jane for my internship. I can't imagine what I'd be doing now if I hadn't met her." She leaned back in her chair. "I hope you guys come up with some great things to help young men and women defend themselves from the idiots out there with plots and plans."

"Us too," the dean said, shaking her hand. They left to talk to their lawyers. Two hours later they had signed the agreement and announced the grant.

Hammer himself sent out a 'congratulations' message to them saying he hoped that his former company could someday teach students to be as great as he was at great ideas. He was a bit grumpy because he had underestimated Lewis greatly. She clearly wasn't a minion. Stark sent out a congratulations message saying he hoped that they educated geniuses like him there so he had someone to follow in his genius footsteps, and that the defensive technologies program was a welcome need in today's world so he hoped they came up with great things. After all, the team had to retire some year and the world would need to take their places.

Stark looked at Lewis when she got back that afternoon. "That was sneaky." She smiled and nodded. "They outed you as the benefactor."

"That's fine."

"Hammer's going to go looking."

"And he's going to be unamused that he was nearly in touching distance of me and thought I was a minion," she said with an evil smirk. "I didn't even ask them to name something after me. I told them if I wanted my name on everything I would've married you."

He snorted but looked amused. "Yeah, I can see that, Lewis." He stared at her. "Now what?"

"Now...I've got a court hearing in two hours. The new director of SHIELD has filed a petition to have me taken into custody to be impregnated." She smiled. "I'm going to wear out this mood on him." She strolled off. "Have fun."

"Take a bodyguard, Lewis," he called after her.

"I already have Clay waiting, Stark. I'm not stupid."

"Uh-huh." He sent a note up to Pepper, who congratulated Culver as well, and hoped to someday get many interns from that program. Then she sent out a 'I hope it goes well when you fight for your independence from the people who want your future children' message at Darcy's twitter. Darcy sent back a 'thank you and I'm off to smite evil' one back. It got a lot of questions started.

***
Part 15 by voracity
Darcy walked through the reporters. "People, we're not going to be out for hours," she noted. "Don't touch me. I'm really pissed about this attempt to make me a slave of the government for my womb." They backed off. "Give us a few hours please. Hopefully we have a real judge this time." They got through courthouse security with Clay keeping one of his weapons just in case. The head of the security team escorted them to the courtroom they needed to be in and waited with them. He remembered HYDRA trying to invade to get her twice, and almost a third. She settled herself beside her lawyer. "You're hungry, right?" she asked with a smile.

"Not fully but I can definitely nibble on someone's ass."

"Please, be as nibbly as you can," she said with a pat to his arm. "This is Clay."

He shook his hand. "I hope it's an easy day for you."

"Me too." Secret Service agents came in and he stared. "This is odd."

"He has two because of the HYDRA threats," Darcy said with a hand wave. One of them stared at her. She stared back. "What? Are you going to help him try to make me a slave?"

"No, Miss DeCriths." He moved closer. "Nice job with Culver." She smiled. "You did spill classified information."

"I don't have access to classified information. Never have."

He stared at her. "Still, you were privy to some."

"As far as I knew it was known. He had been caught on camera more than once. When I found out it wasn't, I simply warned a reporter that was already getting death threats from someone she hadn't named." She shifted to cross her feet. "I don't want her dead. She's one of the few at her organization who has brains."

The agent grimaced. "Still, young lady."

She smirked at him. "Thank you for that compliment, even though I'm not that young."

"You should know better."

"I'm not an agent. I have no classification rating, no access to classified materials, and no idea that it wasn't more widely known. His picture flashed on CNN a few months back and he was there when the Cleveland convention was attacked." The other agent winced. "Not really stealthy and not my fault." She ran a hand through her hair and stood up as the judge walked into the courtroom. The agents went to guard their protectee on the other side of the room.

"You may be seated," the bailiff said.

Darcy smoothed her skirt under her legs as she sat.

The judge looked at the papers before him. "Why are we debating taking this person into custody? Is she fighting that arrest?" the judge asked Brian.

"No, Your Honor. She's not under arrest, and that's not to arrest her. They're trying to enslave her to use her womb against her will."

"They're what?" he demanded. Brian handed over the file he had gotten from Stark. "Where did this come from?"

"An interested party who knows both her and the ones that they want to impregnate her by," Brian said. "Who is also not an agent but it was openly on their servers when an agent did look for him."

"Name them," the judge said. "Oh, never mind, I see the letter on top," he said, reading it over. "Oh, dear." He looked through it then grimaced. "I find this really distasteful."

"It is in the interests of public safety and the government's right to protect people that we create a next generation of protectors," the lawyer for SHIELD said.

The judge looked at him then shook his head. "I'll hear opening arguments about why this is a good idea in a moment. Is there anything else that may come into necessary sight?"

"Yes," Darcy said, handing over her file. "That includes the original idea, which was HYDRA's. That also includes the files that HYDRA turned over to AIM when their chosen doctor couldn't handle the stress and got arrested on them, plus information how SHIELD has stolen my medical records from my GYN twice now. Also in there is a notice about how my GYN isn't sure I'm even fertile or able to carry a child. They *assumed* that I'd give in to them when I haven't given in to any other version of this plan."

The judge looked over the doctor's statements. "I see they did grab your records, once with a secret warrant. When was this new director appointed?" he asked the government's lawyers.

"Six days ago, Your Honor," one of them said.

"So why was SHIELD taking her gynecologist's records sixteen weeks ago?" He looked at them.

"That plan has been fought against since it was started by HYDRA, Your Honor," Brian said. "We have no idea who got her records the last time."

"By the doctor's letter, SHIELD has a secret warrant. Which I think is overstepping that program." He glared at the government's lawyers. "Any other evidence to present up front?" Brian handed over a sealed packet. "This is on...."

"The tampering that the chosen father, at least of the HYDRA version of the plan, went through and he may not be fertile either. Plus on their kidnaping last year."

The judge read it over, grimacing. "This makes me sick," he said. "Is this person alive?" Brian pointed behind him. Bucky was sitting behind them in the back row looking murderous and tense but in nicer than usual clothes. "Good." He put them aside. "All right, start with statements." The government's statements were about what they were when they tried to marry the group off together.

Brian stood up to start his once they were done. "Your Honor, I'd like to know when the government started to allow slavery to flourish again. There is no government interest in any woman's womb. They do still have the right of self determination over their own bodies at this point in history, no matter how much some might want to whittle it down. As far as I know there's been no law made that would allow slavery to restart or the government to own a person's reproductive organs for their own uses.

"My client has certainly not given them that permission and she has been quite firm in fighting back this plot. All the way to outing a supposedly dead last director of SHIELD because he had been caught in the press. That one had saved her from that kidnaping and a few other attempts when she couldn't do it on her own. He had agents assigned to help her whenever this plot came back into notice. She has fought off seven kidnaping attempts in the last three days."

"Nine," Clay coughed.

"I'm sorry, that's nine now according to her present bodyguard. Why is it that my client, who may not even be fertile anyway, has to keep asserting the right to control her own body? We'd like this stopped once and for all, Your Honor, because this stupidity is getting out of hand." He sat down.

The judge looked at the groups then nodded. "Is she in fact fertile?"

"Would it matter?" Brian asked. "Is the law only on the side of those who can bear children?" The judge glared at him. "With that surgery she needed when she had been kidnaped there is some minor scarring that may preclude her from carrying a child. Her parents' wills stated they didn't want their only grandchild to be adopted but there is no penalty if she only adopts because she can't bear one."

"Can they do a test to tell if she's fertile? If she's not then they may give up," the judge noted impatiently.

"Then they'd find someone else," Brian said. "And we'd have this same scene again, Your Honor. Only this time my client would be supporting that one and helping her learn how to get away from people who have lurid interests in their sex lives. Her sex life isn't a living porno, nor should it be allowed to become one without her consent."

"Objection, the government has an interest in the protection of the people inside the country. That's what allows us to set up militaries to protect them, Your Honor."

"Her child won't be your military," Brian said dryly. "Even if by some means of science she would get knocked up by your program, she'd still have mother's rights as primary caregiver and wouldn't be turning the child over to you to be trained from birth to be a super soldier in the making. That's even beyond the point that no one knows if the serum Captain Rogers was given would pass on. Frankly, she said if she did somehow, by some act of rape and kidnaping, end up pregnant she'd send the kid to Asgard to be raised by Loki first. Lord Thor has said he'd aid her in that."

The judge licked his lips. "The one who invaded the city?" Darcy nodded. "Why him, Miss?"

"He's strong enough and crafty enough to protect the child from them," Darcy said quietly and calmly. "If the child had any gifts the warriors on Asgard would be the best trainers there ever were. He or she would learn not to be used by people like them, Your Honor. Loki may be an ass but at least he's not the bag of dicks like the new director of SHIELD is."

"Language," he ordered.

"Sorry but I can't find anything nicer to call him. Not after that letter he sent me at work."

"What letter?" he ordered. She handed it over. He read it and huffed. "That is very disgusting," he said, putting it down. "Apparently his putrid plans are in the open."

"I'm sure he'd do worse once they captured me," Darcy said. "I'm known not to be an easy kidnaping target, Your Honor."

"Have you had to kill to get free?"

"Three times so far," she said. "One had a heart attack due to my tazer. One got stabbed in the neck. The last one was just earlier when I had get free and kicked him into traffic so he got hit by a sedan. Then my bodyguard managed to get rid of the other four members of that team for me and got me evacuated."

The judge looked at the guy behind her then at her. "Are you attached?"

"No. I have a few friends I have some stress relief with now and then but otherwise no. though I was not aware that I had to be married to have self determination over my womb. I thought we got rid of that idea when the Supreme Court said that single women had the right to buy and use birth control as well as married women."

"Not what I meant. I was seeing if you had anyone else who needed to be included as a witness, young lady."

"No, Your Honor, I have friends who have been harmed and stressed by all this but not someone intimately attached to me."

"Thank you." He wrote down that note and looked at the other side. "Give me one very good reason I should even think about granting your wishes."

"Your Honor, some day we will need another Captain America. Who else is going to protect the people from things like Loki?"

Brian snorted. "You can't use him against his will either, even if you were sure that the serum would pass on. Frankly, Your Honor, they're grasping at straws just like when they tried to marry all the Avengers off against their wills and got stopped. Though at that time they decided to marry her to a different Avengers member."

"I saw the notes on that plot as well," he noted. "Makes me nearly as sick." He looked at her then at them. "What would happen if I didn't grant their wish, Miss Lewis?"

"Well, first, Lewis is my use name, Your Honor, due to death threats. My actual name is DeCriths." The judge winced. "Second, if they did take me into custody, there'd be a hell of a fight and if and when I fell I'd die from it. Because they won't be using my womb. Ever. If I have to have the damn thing yanked out, right now I'm okay with that idea."

The judge looked at her. "Some day you might want children."

"I find it really wrong that people consider adopting a child to be a lesser state of parenthood when they should be given medals for being so compassionate," she said blandly.

"Point, young lady." He looked at her. "Was that name change official?"

"No. Originally, an agent stationed at my first college intervened when my former stepmother sent someone to kill me. He's the one that got the name change done in form but not legally done. Lewis is my grandmother's maiden name. As I had up to three death threats on my life until this last year, it's stood. Though it has been noted in the press and other places at times. Including another court case or two."

"I see, including that someone couldn't do simple google searches for names." He made note of that. "So that would make their petition invalid anyway." He sighed. "Thankfully. Because there is no legal basis for owning someone's womb against their will. And even if she did get pregnant, no *sane* judge would give you custody of the child to raise. I'm sure many could help her fight that problem if it were to happen." Someone stomped in. "Who are you and why are you invading my courtroom?" he demanded, pushing his emergency button on his desk.

"You have one we want here," the man said with an accent.

"Fuck you and go away," Darcy told him.

He sneered and hit her. "You are just a means to an end, Lewis," he sneered. "We will have you anyway."

"Over your dead body," she said.

"We have the courthouse surrounded and will take you," he said. "You cannot fight all of us."

"I'm not alone," she said. "And others know where I am and are watching."

"Yes, they were easily taken out. The *archer*," he sneered. "So predictable."

"No, I'm not," Clint said from his seat. "Sorry."

The man looked then huffed. "It still makes no difference but now we can play an amusing game first." He pointed his gun at Clint. "Pick which of your friends you will miss or they'll all die."

"Then you'd better shoot me because I'm not playing games," Darcy said. She stood up and got between him and the others. "You want me, you try me. You don't go after my friends. That just makes others mad." He smirked and tried to grab her so she stabbed him in the shoulder. "No, I don't think so. I may hate that I know how to do that thanks to you guys but it's better that I end this threat myself before more innocents get hurt."

"Down, Lewis," Clay ordered. "Let us."

She looked at him then at the guy on the floor. "That'll get you hurt, Clay, and I'd hate that."

"So? Still my job." He looked at Barton, who came up to get her. "Sit." He took the knife, looking it over. "Sweet."

"A present from Thor for my twenty-sixth birthday," she said, taking it back. "I think I've used it well."

"I think so too," Clint said, holding her. "Just calm down. Breathe and all that." She scowled at him. He grinned. "If there's any more to be killed, it's my job with Natasha. Or Stark's job. He's really mad at them." She huffed but sat down again. Clay was searching the guy then handed him to the Secret Service people. He looked at the disgusted looking new head of SHIELD. "I guess they're worthless now with that bag of dicks in charge." The judge cleared his throat.

Clint looked at him. "The old SHIELD never would've let them get the courthouse, much less that close to her. Not when I was an agent. Not when Fury was in charge. Not when Coulson was in charge. It only took six days for them to become pussies. Clearly all the good agents left," he told the new director. "You're not over the Avengers or any other heros. We all think you're worthless. You'd better hope we feel like handling bad things for you because I'm sure not." He looked at Clay. "Your Honor, can we evacuate her?"

"Not according to the other security guards," the bailiff said. "They're fighting the ones outside and the three in the building with him. We're safe in here and we're locking down all the rooms." He looked at the judge. "You should go back to your office, Sir."

"No. I'm safer in here. They don't want me and I don't want to make someone split off to help protect me." He looked at her then at the agents. "I believe that one is right. Who are you?"

"Former Agent Clint Barton."

"The archer on the Avengers," Brian said quietly.

The judge nodded. "Then you and her bodyguard sit her in the back corner where it's safest," he said with a point. "Motion denied," he told the other side. "I suggest if you want superior weapons as agents you train them better. Clearly, the new ways aren't as good." He banged his gavel. "Dismissed once we get out of here."

Clay tapped his earpiece. "Status update," he ordered. He listened. "We have four agents and my boys taking out most of the problems," he noted. "Three inside are being handled by bailiffs and NYPD. Plus Stark. Sixteen targets outside left as of just now. They had nearly sixty."

Clint nodded. "Which four agents?"

"Not noted, Barton."

"Okay." He looked at Darcy, who looked ready to throw up. "Hey." She looked up at him. "When you get home, we're going to hug your dog, let you have wine with the cookies again, and let you soak in the tub. Okay?" She nodded slowly. "Your dog's still on Kate's couch anyway so we can grab him. He's safe, you're safe. We'll handle it. Clay's guys have got it with a few good agents." She nodded, relaxing and letting him have the knife in her hand. "I've got it, Darce. Just let us handle it. You sit here and don't think." She nodded more quickly then got up to throw up into a trash can. Clay nodded he'd handle it while Clint went to look out the door's window to check for anyone. No one in the halls so that was good.

"Four targets left, taken on by SWAT," Clay reported. "Nearly clear out there."

"Good," Clint said with a nod. He looked at Steve and Bucky. "You two good?"

"Yeah," Steve said. "If they get in here, you'll have help."

"You won't leave me any so let me hit them first," Clint shot back with a smirk. "I really want to hit these people again. They shoot at my dog, they try to poison me, they think I'm not useful. They're idiots and I need to help you handle that."

"I'll gladly let you have them first but they won't be walking out of here," Bucky told him. "And if I can't finish them I'll let you do that too." Clint grinned at him.

"It's not that easy," the new director complained.

"Shut up," Darcy told him. "Clearly you're not anything or up to date on who people are with their skills." He glared at her. "Oh, please, come on," she said, waving at him. "I'm more than happy to beat you to death if I have to. I won't even get sick if you die with the way your letter said you wanted me raped and impregnated. Hell, I might never have kids thanks to you guys. I was looking forward to it some day but now...probably not just in case you try to snatch them too."

"If you had just done as you should have," he started. Darcy walked over and punched him, making him hit the ground.

"No woman is supposed to be *forced* into having kids against her will. I don't know when you were born but slavery hasn't been legal since the last state got notified in 1864, mother fucker. I doubt it'll be restarted now and you forcing me to have a kid would mean I was your slave. I'm not ownable and that's not what I should be doing. I *should* be out handling my charity and other charity work but *no* I have to deal with you instead of righting some wrongs you caused to start. I have to take time out of my busy schedule to deal with you because you have *ideas*. Well, fuck your ideas, they're not good for humanity or anyone. What makes you think that even if I gave you a kid by one of the super soldiers that you'd get past me or their father to get the kid? I doubt you'll manage that."

"One's an experiment and the other's a traitor," he sneered, standing up. "I'll have you up on assault charges later."

"Then I should probably earn them, huh?" she said. "And no, they're humans. They're not lab rats, they're not traitors, nothing. You guys tried that on Bucky already and lost that court case. You can't double jeopardy him. That's the law." She hit him again. The Secret Service agents had backed away and were stoically not looking at their protectee. "And Steve has been a real little boy since his mother gave birth to him. Him being enhanced isn't any different than any other medical procedure in this world and they aren't owned or lab rats so he's not either." Steve stepped up behind her and hit the guy. "I can handle it, Steve!"

"I know you can." He grinned at her. "But you're going to break your hand because you don't hit that well. I've got to teach you how to box if Bucky doesn't."

"Besides, some of us wanted to hit him more anyway," Bucky said, standing up and walking over. "I try really hard not to go near the brainwashing I had done to me but for you, I might just go back to the Winter Soldier." The man was babbling and shaking his head. "I thought I had learned about racists and bigots thanks to how things used to be back then. I'm ashamed to say you're worse than even the Klan was in our original day." The man tried to get up so Bucky shoved him with a booted foot. "No, only real men stand in the presence of a lady. You're not worthy to stand." Someone knocked then walked in dusting off his suitcoat. "We free now?"

Phil Coulson looked at him. "We don't have you in custody, Barnes. Why wouldn't you be free?"

"I meant with the threat."

"They're handled. They're not happy but they're down. The courthouse has been cleared, Your Honor. It's free to release people." He looked at the man on the ground then at them. "What did he do?" Darcy got the letter from the judge and handed it over with the motion paperwork. He read that over, grimacing some. The motion made him scowl at the guy on the ground. "I doubt that would fly even if you had been granted custody of her. Some of SHIELD still has honor and sense." He looked at the Secret Service agents. "I've got it. You can go now."

"Who're you?" one demanded.

"Senior Agent Phil Coulson, formerly the Director of SHIELD in hiding." They both backed away.

"Fury had plans," Steve said dryly. "He usually had many running at the same time."

"True," he admitted. "Though he was caught by someone's camera phone earlier as well." He looked at Darcy. "You've now gone fully evil so we should talk about your future career goals."

"Stark talked me into giving Culver Hammer's old company for their new engineering complex," she said dryly.

He stared at her then nodded once. "Your dog's on Kate's couch, your block is clear, go home with Clint and Barnes and hide for tonight please. Just in case, Darcy. We'll talk about this tomorrow to make sure your have a safety strategy and to let you know how many more might want to try this plan. We've got to do some cleaning up so it'll probably be in the afternoon so your dog doesn't have to bite me for getting you up before ten." She nodded but walked off with Clay. "Boys, follow her please," he said with a point. "Before she talks some of the Russian mob into taking down HYDRA with you. Clint, your dog's with hers and Cutey."

"I knew that," he quipped. "Let me go hit people for her. She never wants to let me do the macho thing and hit people for her." He followed. James shook his head, looking at Steve. "We can give you two a ride if you want," he called back.

"Thanks," James said, looking at Steve again, getting a nod. He looked at Coulson. "Let me know if I need to keep packing extra weapons." He walked out after the trio, Steve following him. He looked at Steve. "We needed to meet dames like Darcy back then. It would've been a great thing."

"I adore Darcy like a sister," Steve admitted. "But I could've seen dating her back then. Or calming her down now really. That way she doesn't have to keep being on edge or going toward evil plots to save herself."

Bucky put his hands in his pockets, nodding. "Yeah, that might help her too." Kate followed them out to the rented car. There was barely enough room for all of them. They paused to get the dogs from Kate's apartment then went to Darcy's. It was bigger and had food. Plus clothes for her and Kate to change into so they could try to calm down.

Coulson looked at the rest of the SHIELD people. "Nick Fury would like to talk to you. He had me fetch you. We should go before he has to stomp in here."

"I'd like to make sure that no one wants to restart this bad idea," the judge said.

Coulson shook his head. "I will take them out myself, Your Honor. We've fought hard to separate SHIELD from the infestation of HYDRA and that was their idea. We don't need to be like them." The judge smirked and nodded. "If they should try that again, the consequences would be...severe."

"Noted," the judge said. "Have a good talk, gentlemen." He left with the bailiff. They didn't want to see that mess being made.

Outside reporters had caught sight of Nick Fury fighting the idiots. "You're Director Nick Fury!" one of the reporters called. "You were dead. What happened!"

"Not like we could fight HYDRA from the light," he sneered as he stomped past them. "Go away. Before I have you all arrested." He stomped inside and a few officers stared at him. He headed for the right courtroom, his other loyal people behind him. He walked into the scene of Phil Coulson politely talking to the idiots as he ripped into them without having to raise his voice. "Hell no, if we're going to breed anyone to Lewis it's you so I have a few more competent agents," he sneered. "Damn if it doesn't appear we need some suddenly." The new director was giving him horrified looks. He stared back. "What? I suddenly change color?"

"You were dead."

"No, I was alive. The only one who was actually dead was Coulson. And I fixed that shit. Now I've got to fix this shit instead of fighting HYDRA. Why am I forced to come into the open to fix your bout of stupid?"

"It's more than stupid, or criminal," Phil told him, handing over the motion and the letter. "Apparently he turned their plots to the use of SHIELD."

"Hell no we don't do things like that. We may have some bad ideas and work in the shadows too often to be truly good people in some cases but we're not like that." He stared at the new director again then at the agents. "I'd hope like hell you weren't supporting this."

"Most of the ones supporting that motion are actually out of commission," Brian said with a smile for him. "Darcy's having a bit of stress but I'm told that others have helped all day today."

Fury looked at him. "We could use a few lawyers with ethics."

"Let me fight against the orange man who wanted to grope her first please. I'm hoping I'm the one who can finally make him pay for his wrongs to others. She's just the latest in line." He gathered things up. "I'll be at my office if you need me." He took those papers from the director. "Thank you. We're keeping it all in a file in case anyone else comes forward."

"If they do, let me know," Coulson told him. "We'd have to handle an agent internally." Brian smirked but nodded as he left. "I like that Darcy told him to be as evil as he wanted. It's been an interesting case so far." He looked at Nick, who was staring at him oddly. "I've kept track in case he tries to hire a third set of assassins he won't want to pay."

"You need a vacation," Fury told him.

"I won't get one for a while, Nick. If I take one soon, I'll be using it to spar with certain people who have promised not to kill me for not telling them I was alive." He walked off. "I'll see you on the helicarrier."

He glared at the agents. "Report back to base before I kick your asses back there." They all stared behind him. "I don't care what Romanoff is going to do to you," he noted. "Go. Now!" They tried to get around her and weren't fully successful but they made it out alive. They ran into the others outside and most of them limped off, but the former 'new' director was in sad enough shape that the NYPD took pity on him and called him an ambulance.

The paramedics got there in time to find another few female agents kicking the guy around for their own pleasure. Fury walked out. "Ladies, let him go to the morgue," he ordered. "SHIELD will never have any plan that would be a breeding program and I'd never let you out of the field long enough to have kids anyway. We've proven that most of the men that remain are pathetic without female oversight," Fury finished with a glare at said agents. "Be damned if we need more of them than you."

"Sorry, sir, but too late," one of them said with a smile. "You owe me a present and a vacation in six months."

He stared at her. "Go sit your ass down!" he ordered with a point. "You should not be fighting in that condition! I'm going to handcuff you and hand you to your husband!"

"Not like it was actually a fight," Natasha said blandly. "The competent agents are all in hiding or on the team." She looked at that agent. "When your child is of age, I will help you discourage them from becoming an agent but helping them train in self defense. They could use it. Your husband is pretty and the child will probably take after him."

That agent smirked at her. "Thanks, Natasha. That's sweet of you." She blew a kiss. "At least he doesn't call your name in bed." She walked off. "The baby wants salsa. I'll do a report later."

"I don't care," Fury told her. He looked at the male agents. "I'd flee. I gave you an order." They headed for their cars. He looked at Natasha. "Can you adopt?"

"No. Nor will I do so. I am not meant to be maternal," she said dryly, scowling at him. "Have Coulson have many spawn that we'll warp on him." She strolled off. "She's at home with her backup, Hill."

"That's good. We have an agent on the block to make sure she's all right. Hopefully they can find a way to get Lewis out of evil mode."

Fury snorted. "She's not evil, Hill. She's perky, hyper, and womanly. Not evil."

Hill looked at him. "She bought Hammer's former company and was going to start a defensive strategies group." Fury shivered, moaning a tiny bit. "It got gifted to Culver instead with the instruction to do that for her. She is very much in evil mode and even Stark is ready to bow at the evil, Nick. We need to get her out of evil mode before she finds a way to take out HYDRA for us."

"If she does, I'm fine with that," Fury decided. "Means I don't have to go do it myself." He walked off. "Let me go talk to those idiots before they get more ideas." He ignored the reporters filming all this. It was going to be a bad day when the president finds out and yells at him. This was not in the plans for the new SHIELD.

***

Darcy came out of the shower and looked at the clothing someone had pulled out for her. "Why am I making myself squeeze into spandex?" she called.

"So we can ogle you and stare at your ass," Bucky called.

She leaned out of the bedroom. "I have better clothes to show off my boobs, Bucky, and if you want I'll put that on. It'd be more comfortable than spandex." She put that outfit back then pulled on the three-quarter sleeved shirt that had a tie bustline. It had a stain so was now a pajama top. She pulled on some satin capri pants and walked out there.

Bucky stared. "Wow."

She smiled. "Exactly. It used to be my favorite bar hopping shirt until someone spilled coffee on me in an elevator." She settled into a chair, letting her dog hop into her lap to be petted. "Did Lucky and Cutey abandon you to nap?" she asked, smiling at him. He barked so she petted him. The other two were napping on the windowsill. Conor settled in to guard his human while she fussed over him.

Clint watched the dog then her. "Any other plans you have? Evil or otherwise?"

"Not at the moment."

"I had plans of going to blow off some stress," Kate admitted. "I could use some loosening up again."

Bucky looked at her, arching an eyebrow up. "Really?" She smiled and nodded. "Uh-huh."

"If that's an offer, go for it," Darcy said with a hand wave. "Use the spare room. It's got clean sheets."

Kate smirked at her. "Thanks. If he wants...he's got to be good at it."

"Kate!" Steve complained.

"What?" She shrugged. "I'm all for playing for stress relief, Steve. He could use less stress too."

"It is nice to be less stressed," Bucky agreed. "We could go out like you girls do but that'd be a safety hazard with all this going on." Darcy's phone rang again and Clint hit ignore for them. "We're screening your calls," he said at Darcy's stare at him. "Yours, Kate's, Barton's, ours. We're only answering for certain people."

Darcy leaned over to grab her phone, then settled in again, petting the dog that was huffing at her for daring to move. She looked at the missed call log, frowning. "You hung up on Stark." She got into her voicemail to listen to them. Steve took the phone to put it onto speaker so they could all hear when her face showed it wasn't a pleasant message.

They all listened to a few agents threaten her and then reporters threaten her for not giving them that sort of scoop instead of her buddy at that one paper. The rest weren't that happy. Stark's was to ignore all the pissing and moaning, because they were petty, stupid people who needed to start saving themselves. Darcy sighed but got onto her twitter. "I'm putting out that I'm laying low tonight."

"Don't," Steve ordered. "Just don't answer them."

"If I don't, they think they can get away with death and rape threats, Steve. I don't like to let them do that." She sent out a tweet that she was safe, tired, and stressed out but she'd be fine. That she was watching the fallout as well and was calming down with her dog. She logged out of twitter then let Steve steal the phone to look at the tweets at her.

Kate leaned over to look. "Wow, the bitter assholes are back, Clint. Apparently I'm a whore with her now."

"No, I've never charged a day in my life," Darcy said bluntly. "I don't think you have either."

"Nope. Not that there's anything wrong with it if that's your life's goal but it's not my thing. I don't even get presents."

"Half the presents lovers give are lingerie that doesn't fit right and the rest is mostly stuff you want to burn when it's over with," Darcy told her. "Trust me." She smirked a tiny bit at her dog. "You are a good boy." He barked and wagged his tail. "You protect your human so very well, pupkins." She went back to cuddling him.

"Who is this person that said you're bringing down a noble agency by not doing your civic duty?" Steve asked, showing her.

She looked. "One of the representatives to the state House. He's sent that before." She took the phone back to point out that women had self determination over their wombs and he had no right to expect her to use hers for his benefit. And if she did have a kid, she'd rather it go live on Asgard than down here. At least Loki would be able to make her future improbable child strong enough to withstand people like him. She handed Steve her phone back.

He logged into his twitter and agreed that he wasn't breeding for any reason other than finding a woman he loved and having kids, and his children would never take his shield over so they didn't have to deal with people like that guy. He smiled. "Sharon retweeted me and answered that his girlfriend wasn't ready for kids yet anyway and no, they'd never become agents or superheroes. They'd be nice, normal people who did normal things. He answered her and let Kate have Darcy's phone again.

Kate looked at Steve's phone when an alert sounded. He groaned what sounded like 'Tony' but they pulled it up and turned on the tv. That tabloid station was running an interview with Stark. They had broken in to cover it. Tony looked at the reporter yelling at him. "What?" he asked.

"Do you have a comment about all that mess earlier?"

"Not something that doesn't contain swearing. I'm glad Darcy could get herself free of those simpletons. I'm also glad that we don't have more Avengers babies. Emma's a lot of work some days and almost all of us are single. Only two of us on the team are dating someone and Pepper isn't really kid centric." He smirked at her. "It's good that the judge agreed that women had self rule about their bodies and their wombs. Most of us thought it was a given but apparently some people...live in the middle ages." He stared at her. "I hope it never has to happen again."

"Captain Rogers' tweet just came in and he said that his child would never hold his shield."

"If Steve ever has kids, they'll be decent people but I doubt they'll want the shield. They'll see all the stress people like you and that state rep that got onto Darcy again gives him."

"What state rep?" she demanded.

"One of the state reps, again, told Darcy that she had to use her womb for the greater good. This is his seventh or eighth attempt at that idea. I hope like hell he's voted out of office for that stupid moment. He is up for reelection after all." He smirked again. "Anything else?"

"What happens if you have a child?"

"I had myself snipped at eighteen, not even two weeks after my birthday. If I seriously have to have another Stark, I'll have it reversed whenever Pepper is ready or if she wants to use a surrogate that's fine too." He shrugged. "It won't be soon and there's every chance I'll have the kid raised by a security team somewhere outside the US so they can't try on mine too."

Another reporter jogged up to them. "Is it true that Lewis bought Hammer's old company, Mr. Stark?"

"She did and gifted it to her alma mater." He smirked. "With the intent to make defensive strategies. Darcy said she'd love to find a way to give each and every young woman a tazer and pepper spray for their own safety. Hopefully that new program will come up with something better." He walked off. "Going to get dinner, people. Have a better night. The rest of us are hiding from all of you." Kate texted Stark's phone, and they saw him read it then grimace. He looked at the reporters. "If the reporter from FOX threatens Darcy again, she's going to have to go back into evil mode. We really don't want her to go there. I hate fighting people I know to save people I'd rather see die." He walked off again.

"Who was that text from?" the reporters shouted.

"A person on another team." He waved in the air. "Have a better night, people."

E news cut back to their 'reporters' to go over the breaking news. "There's been reporters threatening her?" one of them asked. "Her twitter feed is blowing up."

The other one nodded. "It is and some of them have been very angry with her for not spreading herself for the whole Avengers team. What a double standard. If she did they'd nag her for it. Since she's not, she's seen as even worse. I feel sorry for her but I'm glad it's not me."

Darcy waved at the tv. "Me too. They'd probably be able to take you. I'd hate for them to do that to anyone and I'd hate for Steve to become a daddy that way."

Steve nodded. "I'd try to take the kid if she didn't want it," he agreed. "We'd have to hire Emma's old nanny."

"I'm with Stark; I'd move us to Europe and be safer over there."

Clint looked at her. "We'd come visit."

She smiled. "I'd like that." Someone pounded on the door so Bucky got up to get it.

He opened it after looking out the peephole. "What?" he asked the mob guy out there looking nervous.

"Agents have been spotted in the neighborhood. They look confused but are ready to raid somewhere. The watching one is in the wrong block."

"I can handle that," Bucky assured him.

"Thank you," Darcy called with a smile and a wave. "We might decamp to somewhere safer. I just have no idea where. If I have to move I'm moving into somewhere massive that has a security team Clay's team picks for me. I'll get to sexually harass them like I was a Stark and wander around all the time being bored with the dog."

Clint looked at her. "Stark's old mansion is falling in."

"No thanks. Howard's probably haunting it to nag his wife and son."

"Could be," Kate agreed. "Something that massive would be Long Island and a huge commute though."

Darcy nodded. "Yes it probably would be." She sighed and got up. "Let me check on the charity's email account."

"Pack a go bag just in case?" Clint suggested. She nodded, going to do that. "You can include flirty stuff too."

"I don't think flirty clothes and push up bras are appropriate for hiding," she admitted. "How does that help survival?"

Steve snorted, shaking his head. "She's right, it's not necessary. We couldn't let her out to get her laid anyway."

"Hell, if she's going evil I can help her with that," Clint said, shooting him a dirty look.

"You two are dating?" Steve asked.

"No, we're fucking with benefits," Clint shot back with a smirk. "It's just for fun, not for dating. It helped get the evil out of her." He spotted movement and looked. "Hey, Scott." He unshrank and looked at them once his helmet was off. "You okay?"

"Yeah. I've got Cassie and the ex hidden with a few buddies who'll make sure no one touches them." He flopped down, petting the staring dog. "Hey, Conor." He looked at Steve. "The agent team on the other end of the park are now not going to invade. Bruce went Hulk for a few minutes and stomped on their van."

Darcy came out to stare at him. "Why?"

"They came after him too," he said dryly, smiling at her. "He got upset on behalf of his unused sperm. He's fine, back in control again."

"I'll have to hug him later since Bruce hates cookies." She went back to picking out what she wanted in her go bag, plopping it next to the door and putting in the spare leashes and grabbing food for the dog. He perked up and went to sniff his bowl, making her fill it for him and his water dish. That was nicer. Cutey came to sniff too so she got her bag down to feed her too. That brought Lucky, who could eat Conor's food with him. She added more to that bowl, making them both happy dogs.

Clint shook his head. "I forgot they needed to eat." He shifted to cross his feet on the coffee table. "Did you remember things like your phone charger?"

"Yup. My tablet and phone can use the same charger so it's in there with my tablet and my laptop will go into my laptop bag in a minute." Her laptop stayed with her for now so she could get online and check on her mom's charity. She had a few requests and read through them then granted them, sending the bank the approval letters. She put the laptop down after logging out of her email and watching her twitter feed self-update. "Hmm. Someone with a spoof of Pepper's account is saying that we've all got to move out of the tower now."

"You're sure it's a spoof?" Kate asked.

"Yeah. They misspelled her name on purpose." She answered that one that Stark hadn't said the ones who lived there had to move, and she didn't live there anyway. Stark's quip that said he wanted the whole team to move in for their own protection from leaches like that spoof account guy. He also invited Darcy. Darcy grimaced. "Stark wants us all to move into the tower full time to protect us from the assholes in the city."

"It'd make your commute easier but it's nice being in the next building from you," Clint said with a smile when she looked at him. "It's nice that I can check on you by walking past my living room window."

"It is nice and the dogs have a lot of fun traveling back and forth."

"They found their way to my place," Bucky said. "Lucky and Conor sniffed me out and Cutey followed, with a bark at the landlady who's always outside on the stoop. She let them into my place since I wasn't there. They were working on the window to the fire escape to see if they could open it when I got in."

"You guys are so smart," Kate told the dogs, petting hers. "Very smart puppies."

"Mine tilts, Clint's pushes up but slightly out because his window frame is kinda broken," Darcy said. "Yours?"

"Pushes up but my frame's not broken. I can't put a dog flap on the fire escape window either. It's a security hazard."

"They do make ones that have a sliding door," Darcy said. "The sensor's on the collar."

"Still a risk that someone can clone the signal."

"Ask Thor, see if they have something like that on Asgard," Kate quipped. "Darcy, you need board games."

She stared at her. "Since when do I usually have this many people over?"

"Point," she admitted. She looked at Clint. "I know you don't have any."

"Nope. Sorry." He got up to make coffee, glancing at his apartment. "Someone's at my place. The lights are on." He went to use the roofs to get to his place, walking in and scaring the crap out of his ex-wife. "If you're looking for us, we're at Darcy's protecting each other."

"I wanted to make sure you were still okay and whole. There was a talk about just taking testes to create the next wanted kid."

He grinned. "Nope, no one's touched my balls in days." She snorted, swatting at him. "Coming over?"

"Sure. Why don't you have coffee?"

"The HYDRA guy the other day was poisoning it and I haven't replaced it yet since I haven't really been home."

"Ah. That's reasonable I guess." She went with him over there. "I'm the official SHIELD plant to make sure you're all okay," she announced as she walked in.

Darcy smiled and waved. "Hi. Pull up Clint's lap since that's the only free seat. Otherwise one of us will have to sit on him and I doubt Steve wants to sit on Clint's lap right now."

"While that would be hot," Clint said sarcastically. "I don't think Cap's into my dick, Darcy."

Bobbi looked at him then sighed and went to make coffee. "He's sorry he's warped. Where's the coffee stash, Darcy?"

"Second cabinet by the sink," Kate called. "The good stuff is still vacuum sealed. The weaker stuff is open and I'm not sure if we want to take that chance."

"Sure." She looked at Clint. "What's this I heard about your brother?"

"Yeah. He's alive and lurking somewhere."

"I knew that was him but you said he was dead."

"We all assumed he was dead," Clint agreed. "Apparently he's now here lurking and watching us." He sat down and Lucky looked at him. "Look, it's Bobbi," he said with a point. His dog barked at her then hopped up into his human's lap to get petted. "I love you too, you big, fluffy mooch." He petted him. Cutey had hopped into Bucky's lap and was now snoring on him. Bucky was giving the dog unamused looks but Kate was giggling. "Well, she's a Russian Terrier mix," Clint told him. "She's got to be stubborn."

"We do tease that the two dogs are the furry, less lethal versions of Clint and Natasha," Darcy agreed.

"Cutey's plenty lethal," Kate told her. "I walked in the other night and she had gotten a mugger in the balls. He was bleeding and unconscious on my living room rug." Clint gave her a funny look. "Seriously!" She pulled up the picture on her phone. "See!"

He looked. "That's one of the thugs that works for that fat, wears white guy."

"The one my dad used to know?" she guessed. Clint nodded. "Well, fuck him then. I'm not joining their party of stupid." She considered it then looked at Clint. "Send that to Natasha?" she suggested, grinning at him. He took the phone to send that and erased the number afterward. She put it back onto the table so they could ignore the new tweets and threats they were getting. She looked at her phone. "Why is Stark calling me." She answered it, putting it onto speaker. "What's up? We're still safely together."

"Why does Lewis half-own a company that does scientific research?" he demanded. "Someone just dug that up."

"I helped by giving them start up funds," Darcy said. "They're paying me back to buy me out. One of the girls on my former RA stint started up a practical engineering lab to make better hybrid engines and her sister joined in to do better engineering designs for earthquakes and the like. They've about halfway bought me out."

"Why?" he complained.

"Because they had good ideas and no one wanted to help women in sciences," she said bluntly. "It wasn't that much and they are buying me out. And hey, their labs don't even explode."

"Funny," Tony said sarcastically.

"Tell Bruce I said thanks for stomping on those agents."

"What?"

"He stomped on the agents who were going to raid this block," Scott told him.

"Oh. Sure, I can do that. I guess he's around here somewhere. Um, Barton, have you seen Natasha?"

"No. Why?"

"Just wondering if the redhead killing people in the shadows of where I am is her." The phone was cut off.

Clint got up, putting the dog down. "Let me go find Stark."

"Ask FRIDAY," Darcy suggested.

"Good point." He picked up his phone on his way to get more weapons from where he had stashed a few over here. Then he walked off with Bobbi following. The others waved. Darcy was safe enough with Scott, Bucky and Steve, plus Kate. And the dogs of course.

Darcy looked at the guys, shrugging some. "Scott, go steal some workout shorts and change."

"I have clothes on under the suit, Lewis," he said, giving her a dirty look.

"Then you're doing better than I manage," Steve complained. "They had to design special underwear to go under mine or I'd have to wear a thong."

Bucky looked at him. "Really?" Steve nodded. "It's that tight?"

"Yup, it sure is," Kate said with a grin for them. "And it makes his ass look like a holy object for many women to worship."

"I thought you only got that raunchy when you were tired," Steve shot back.

"Half the office staff has pictures of Steve from behind on their walls," Darcy told her. "They all seem to like his stealth suit instead of the red, white, and blue one. A few have whole posters but they're the PR team. They keep good shots of all the team on their walls to refer to when they're designing new PR stuff for you guys to go through."

"Thanks for telling me I need to go clean their walls," Steve said, glaring at her. She just grinned back. "Any of you yet?"

"No. Why would they? I'm just an assistant." She grinned.

"Uh-huh. We're going to make you a suit just so you can protect yourself," Scott said, staring at her. "I heard about the AIM assault."

She waved a hand. "We ran out of time. I was holding the door closed so the last few could get away. I knew I could bullshit them into thinking I was harmless, because I mostly am, but those girls would've been trapped and probably crying. You know I hate to see people crying."

"Yeah, I do," he agreed. "Still, Darcy. Try to be a bit more protective over yourself as well?"

"I was. I did good. They didn't even know who I was and I gave Bucky my tazer and knife when we got shoved into the same room."

Bucky nodded. "She did."

"Thank you for cleaning it up before giving it back."

"It needed it, and sharpened again." He shifted, looking at the dog glaring up at him. "I can move and if you don't like it, go sleep on your human." The dog huffed and went back to sleep. "You are just as stubborn as Natasha," he said in Russian.

Steve giggled. "I'm guessing you just compared those two?" Bucky nodded. "I think she finds that amusing."

"I do," Kate quipped, getting swatted by Bucky for it.

Darcy looked at the new twitter that was coming in. "Oh, great. Now I'm supposedly fucking Barnes." She shook her head. "A national news reporter just 'broke the story'," she said, doing air quotes. "That we're shacking up together."

"Not likely. I do live in another building." He took the laptop from Steve to look at it, then huffed. He got handed Kate's phone so he could log into Steve's twitter, the guy had given him his password months back. He put up a message from Steve saying that he knew Bucky lived up the street from her but he was only at Darcy's apartment to protect her or for food. And sometimes to play with her dog. He handed the phone back with a huff. The dog barked quietly at him but nuzzled his stomach and flipped over so he could grace her with stomach petting. He looked down at her. "So spoiled."

"She's making sure you feel better by petting her," Kate said. "Lucky does the same thing when Clint's down."

"Conor too," Darcy agreed.

Bucky petted the dog, making them both calmer.

Steve got up to answer the door, looking at the guy standing there. "Do we know you?"

Darcy looked over. "He's fine, Steve. He's one of the guys that hangs out around here. He even called me 'bro' once because he didn't spot the boobs."

"You hide 'em," the guy complained. "Could've been a hipster who couldn't grow a beard." He looked at Steve. "That Hulk guy is really weird."

"Is he still Hulked out?" he asked.

"No. He just smirked at the smashed van and said 'nice smoosh' as he walked off and paused to buy donuts."

"Bruce does really like flaky, sweet stuff instead of cookies," Darcy agreed with a nod. "And non caffeinated teas."

Steve looked at the mob guy again. "Did Bruce hurt anyone else?"

"No. He's just weird! He smiled at one of the pros up the street and she nearly passed out but the other one said he was cute and she'd want to try him just the once."

"Bruce has to control his heart rate," Steve said. "That probably won't happen."

"She still offered!"

"Some women are size queens," Darcy said. "He'd be the ultimate ride."

The guy whined. "Eww!"

Darcy leaned over to look at him again. "Actually, Bruce gives great hugs. Even in Hulk form. He kept me from freaking out once when we were under quarantine and I had a dislocated ankle. He deserves better than a pro but the Hulk deserves some love too. He's only scary in battles. He tends to call me nice and pat me on the head."

The guy stared at her. "He's huge."

"Yeah? So are some basketball players." She shrugged. "They get chicks."

"He'd probably split someone apart," the guy complained.

"Think about how big newborns are," Darcy shot back with a smile. "Think he's bigger than that?"

He stared back. "That's a gross thought."

"Hey, women stretch down there to let kids out," Kate told him. "Hulk's probably not any bigger than that. Some women even seem to enjoy it because they have billions of kids."

"So gross," he muttered as he walked off rubbing his forehead.

"Tell that girl that Hulk's a sweetie and deserves someone great but they have to remember about his strength," Darcy called after him with an evil grin at Kate, who smirked back.

"I sense evil," Bucky complained.

"You're quoting an anime?" Kate asked him. He swatted her. "You are!"

Steve shut the door, going to the bathroom to try to get that image out of his head. He came out after a few seconds, less blushing and more grimacing again. Darcy probably had to clean the bathroom again.

Scott considered it. "You could probably work yourself up to taking the Hulk if someone wanted to. I mean, there's things to train your body to open wider."

"There are," Darcy agreed. "A few girlfriends and I went to a kink club in DC on a dare and we learned a lot about what people could do with their bodies. Thankfully they were in the mood to show off instead of sneering at us for being curious college kids. And one of the girls with us had a serious interest in a few things that they could explain to her. She had only seen porn. While she did that, I took a massage lesson in erotic massage and pressure points and our friend hung out at the bar to flirt with the lesbians who wanted to tie her up and gag her to get her to stop asking questions."

Kate shook her head. "I'm a lot more vanilla than that."

"There's many weird things in sex and it all depends on the ways you use them," Bucky said.

Steve looked at him. "You weren't that wild before because I remember you not letting one girlfriend you brought home get on top."

"I did learn some things that weren't torture," he said dryly.

"Sorry, Bucky."

"It's not something you probably think about. You can't even think about oral sex with your dame without blushing hard."

"Proving it now," Kate agreed with a grin for the duo.

"And yet she'd probably really like that."

Steve cleared his throat. "Yes she does."

"Most women do," Darcy agreed, smiling at them.

"I don't know of any woman who'd turn it down," Kate told her.

"Some women don't like that, it's too intimate. The same as there are actually guys who hate blow jobs. The one I nearly gave one to hated having that much pressure on his dick. Sex was fine, it wasn't as squeezing as sucking is. I've met a few who hated it overall because they thought it was dirty, and a few who hated it because it was too intimate." The guys were staring at her. "Class discussion on sex in a sociology class."

Bucky blinked a few times. "I didn't know they taught that stuff in college."

"That class was on the societal dilemmas of sexual conduct and misconduct, plus the double standards of who and how you should enjoy it. The boys were complaining that women didn't get horny like us so we had to refute it. One of the girls in the class had no idea, she was saving it for marriage, but she admitted she was just repressing it really hard at the moment."

Scott looked at Kate. "Do they teach that at Columbia?"

"I haven't had a sociology class yet. Don't know."

"Let us know," Bucky said. "Please."

"Sure." She looked at Darcy. "How many of the boys were virgins?"

"That's one of the double standards we went over, how guys weren't supposed to be virgins to be considered real men."

"Point. Though I just find them awkward. We had one apply to be on the team and he had a few skills but he had no idea what to do with females on the team or how to deal with the team itself. He hadn't been taught how to deal with people when things got close and hard."

"The best teammates are ones that can just shrug off their teammates usual issues," Steve agreed as he came back. "You have to have some autonomy but you also have to be closer to be able to work together effectively. The Commandos had a 'I'm going for a walk in the woods' code when we got needy on overnight waits."

"I remember a few of those," Bucky agreed. "Wasn't great but if you had to have it to relieve the stress at least it was private enough. Though the time Morita ran into a lost, injured soldier wasn't that fun."

"True," Steve agreed. "That was not a fun night and nearly got us caught by the group we were going after the next day."

"Wow," Kate said. "No history book ever mentioned that."

"No, it probably wouldn't. They didn't get into the minute times," Steve agreed, grinning at her. "There were nights of telling stories and jokes to ease the stress and a few drunk nights to do the same thing."

She reached over to pat his arm. "They'd be proud that you were kicking ass in this time zone too, Steve."

"Yeah, they would be." He patted her hand. "Thanks, Kate."

"Welcome." She grinned at Bucky and he tensed up. That look was a lot like Darcy's evil look. "Are you going to do the charity sexy calendar for the city's rebuilding fund?"

He blinked then moaned. "No!"

Steve spluttered. "There's a what?" he demanded, looking at Darcy.

"I didn't plan it," she defended but was smiling. "It's a charity calendar like the firemen put out with hoses just barely hiding things and suggestive but not filthy pictures. Like a pinup but with guys."

"What ever happened to you doing pinup pictures to get that bloated guy?" Bucky asked her to change the subject.

"Oh, I still am. It's kinda fun being suggestive but not naughty."

Steve stared at her. "You are?"

"Yeah, I are." He scowled. She grinned. "It baited a bad guy, Steve, and it was kind of fun. Nothing's too risque. Just some pinup shots. Nothing that Playboy would want to include."

He swallowed. "They never show that in the media."

"I don't think most people care about that." She looked at her bookshelves then got up to get a book, coming back to let him have it. "That's my portfolio." She got coffee and came back to sit down with her dog again.

Steve and Bucky flipped through it, staring at things. "I'll never look like that, I don't have the breasts for it," Kate said.

"Today's guys are more likely to go for yours than mine because thin but muscled is in," Darcy quipped.

"Still, I can't look like that. I am not an old time screen goddess by any means. A modern goddess but not an old time one." She suddenly smirked at Darcy. "We should send one out to the press so they know you're a pretty face and underestimate you. They keep forgetting you're more than a ditzy assistant sort until you have to open your mouth."

"Some of those are proprietary. Sorry, kiddo."

"Damn. Maybe a calendar of your own? You can brag during a meeting and make Stark choke."

Darcy smirked very evilly. "Who said I'd have to do that on my own?" Kate moaned. Both guys stiffened up. Scott was trying not to look at the pictures, just be an unobtrusive guard at the moment since he was half asleep. She grabbed her laptop to look that up and let Kate see the proofs she had been sent of her page of the calendar.

Kate drooled then wiped it off. "Damn." She let the old guys see it.

Steve looked at it then at her. "When does that calendar come out?"

"Holidays." She smiled. "Sharon would look kick ass as one of us."

"I...she's a bit skinny but maybe." He looked at it then at the pictures again, putting them down. "I'm going to call her to let her know there is one. Maybe she'd like to model some for me."

"Stark would probably let you borrow his cars," Kate quipped. "So she could pose on a hood."

"There's one I don't have that's a kickass shot of stretched across the hood of a '38 Phantom like I'm cleaning the dust off. I'm wearing a black tux jacket that shows off the boobs very well and a short skirt. Not very showy but suggestive. I really liked it."

Bucky put the things down and walked off, going to use Darcy's bathroom. It was her fault so he could borrow her bathroom.

The girls grinned at each other and Kate nudged Scott. "Bedroom, big guy." She pointed. "Has a bed and everything." He nodded, going in there to nap. "Do you have any of the outfits here?"

"Yeah. I have a shoot in two days," she admitted. "I really have to hit the gym. I've been slacking off again." She went to find the outfit and check it over. "Yeah, no stains or wrinkles, Kate."

She came in to look. "That's sweet. Very old fashioned but flirty."

"Yeah, that's the greatest thing about pinups. They were flirty, not slutty." She pulled her other one out. "I bought this one. I was going to do some for myself and put them on my computer as a background."

"Try that on," she demanded. "I wanna see."

"Sure. Bucky, I'm changing clothes," she called. "Don't come out."

"Need another five minutes anyway," he called.

"Okay. Just don't leave a mess." She changed and came out of the bedroom adjusting a strap then pulling back her hair into a ponytail. "I was thinking against the bookshelves or something." She posed. "Here?"

Kate looked, trying not to drool. "Over. Let the colored books surround you."

"It's black and white mostly." She looked and shifted down. "Here? I was worried about sun glare."

Steve walked out and looked then sighed. "Damn it."

"I'm doing one of my own to put up as my backgrounds, Steve."

He looked at her. "Sit sideways in the chair, legs up and crossed?" he suggested. She did that and he nodded, taking a picture with his phone to show her. "That's cute."

"I'm too old to be cute, Steve. I'm not Emma." He gave her a dirty look. "I am!"

"No you're not because I'm not too old to be cute yet." He sent that picture to Sharon, who sent back a whistle. "She sent back a wolf whistle so clearly less than cute and more hot."

"She should be in the kitchen with a pan of cookies," Kate said. Darcy went to test out poses in there. There was the 'taking stuff out of the oven' pose and the 'leaning on the counter' pose. Bucky came out during that and stared. "You need a stool or it's just a boob shot. Bucky, what do you think? In there or against the bookshelves?"

He stared at her. "I think you're going to make me paddle you for that," he told her.

"I think she should have one with her tazer and phone but with books around her," Scott called. "On the floor so she's surrounded by her favorite things, with a hint of chocolate on her lips."

"Actually that's not a bad idea," Darcy said. "I'll see if Mickey will do that for me." She went to change back. She came out pulling down her hair. "I nearly got the red outfit but it was too dark and I didn't want to look like I was goth. I tried a few goth test shots but they thought I was too vampy and not victorian enough."

"You're going to be the death of Stark some year soon," Steve said. "Because he's going to flip his mind over those."

"Or I could clue Pepper in and let her tease him with them," Darcy said with a grin. She sent her an email with her chosen picture for the calendar. Pepper sent back a groan and a 'good job, very tasteful' back. Stark sent back an 'I did not want to see you doing that!' complaint but oh well. Darcy's reminder back that she hadn't wanted to see him in Playgirl either but she had and hers was way more tasteful than his had been. Pepper was clearly laughing since hers had double key stutters back that Stark was now mumbling and sulking. Darcy pointed out she could easily make him feel better, it'd do the world a favor since he had that press conference scheduled in two days about his new energy research. She had gone over Jane's speech for her for it. Pepper sent back a smiley face. "Pepper's going to help him with his speech in two days." She put her phone down.

Kate looked at her own twitter feed. "Someone wanted to know what I think about the butt shot queen's latest one." She sighed and typed in 'if that's all she wants to be known for, go for it, but I want to be known for more than how perky my butt is. The world needs both kinds of women'. "Sometimes I don't want to be female positive."

"Call a ho a ho and remind them there's help to get out of being a ho," Darcy agreed. "But maybe she'll do good for other women some day."

"There's always hope. Or the next time Loki invades he does it in LA."

"Hmm. Lots of bodyguards, plenty of people with guns, gang kids," Darcy said. "Military's about an hour away from LA in case of real emergency. No Avengers, no SHIELD base anymore. I'd hate to see that near my parents' graves but ...as long as he doesn't take out any famous landmarks?" She shifted to cross her feet. "Though they really do need to make a different evac plan for those with money and those who'll have to drive. The airport's too far out of downtown and traffic's so bad out there sometimes it's at a standstill on regular days. So they need to encourage the rich to go one way and the normal folks to go another so more can get away. Suggest that to Hill, Katie."

"I can do that. It makes sense. Here we have a lot of bridges that they close in case of emergency."

"Or you're trapped underground in the subway," Darcy agreed. "I did that one night and helped a guy who had been stabbed in the liver."

Kate shook her head.

"Natasha still doesn't remember it being you she handed her med pack over to," Steve told her. "But she said she was focused on getting back up there." His phone beeped with a text message. "Stark said you're too evil and you had better be curing that before you come back to work before his mother comes back from the dead to help you."

She smiled. "If you want to help me cure this evil mood, we can do that." She grinned at his blush. "But I don't like to touch taken things."

"Touching stolen property is a crime," Kate agreed. "Vases, paintings, cars, or dicks, all the same."

Steve looked at her. "Did you get that from someone?"

"My mom."

"I got it from her," Darcy agreed with a grin.

"So the warping goes both ways. That's great," Steve said with a smirk as he typed that in to Stark. "He suggested you go break up Clint and his ex-wife to get between them."

"Again, that would be taken, and I'm not a ho," Darcy said. She took the phone, looking at it. "That's Stark's backup number for the phone in the lab." She sent that message set to Pepper to see if it had been Stark. Pepper said it hadn't been and she went to figure out who it was. She sent a note a few minutes later that Maria Hill had her minion well in claw and he was very sorry now. Even fangirling over Darcy was going to get in the way of his job. She sent back a 'thank you' before handing the phone back.

Steve shook his head. "Some day all this madness will stop."

"We'll be your age by then," Darcy said.

"Hopefully the physical age instead of the actual one, but I'm not holding out hope," Kate agreed. "There's way too much stupid out there." She shifted to curl up in her corner of the couch. "By then we might have an alien overlord to try to force the stupid to stop but we'd just import it into his castle while we fought against him in a resistance movement."

"For some reason I just got the flash of you blowing up someone as a bomber," Steve said with a frown for her. "We'd help."

"Steve, they'd take out your team first, dear," Darcy reminded him. "The younger Avengers might get to hide but you and Tony, Thor, and Clint would be toast while Natasha could probably survive the nuclear holocaust."

He blinked at her. "I have the same serum."

"She's better at surviving," Bucky agreed as he came back out. "If you survived I'd have to haunt you before you did something stupid to follow me to that side."

"Where Bucky would nag you for eternity for that stupid thing you did," Kate quipped with a grin for those two.

Bucky nodded. "Probably," he agreed. He looked at the napping dogs then at Darcy. "Anything else you're going to deal with tonight that'll send me or Steve to a mental hell of thinking about you and sex?"

"I'm very sexy," she defended, scowling at him.

"Didn't say you weren't," he shot back. "Didn't think this was the time to have to whack off to you though."

She smiled. "Aww, thank you!" She smirked at him and Steve. "I'll try to be good."

"Uh-huh," Steve said. "Please do. My girlfriend's out of the city right now so I can't even go use your dirty thoughts to tease her."

"Sorry, Steve."

"Thanks."

"Not apologizing to me?" Bucky asked.

She grinned. "They told me to give you more sexual thoughts. That you were avoiding them."

"Not likely. The dame last week didn't think so. I'm just subtle."

"Subtle can be good," Darcy agreed. "Not something I totally mastered but good. That's one of those adulting things I missed. That and not flirting while drunk." She shifted to sit crossways in the chair. "I used to flirt horribly with Thor when Jane and I were drunk. Once I caught him sleeping on the couch as we stumbled in so I took some of the neighbor kid's matchbox cars and used his abs as a road. He wasn't amused to wake up to vroom vroom noises as I pushed them around the neighborhoods his abs created but then grumbled at least I hadn't drawn houses. Jane saved his manly modesty and abs from that. Then Jane pounced him and made him beg for mercy."

Steve was laughing so hard he was nearly crying, shaking his head. "I can see you doing that!" he laughed.

Bucky was squeezing his eyes shut, shaking his head. "Thankfully you never tried that with me." Steve was texting Thor. "Getting confirmation?"

"Having him tell that story to distract Stark." He grinned at Bucky. "It'll give him another target to pick on instead of us."

"Jane took phone video," Darcy said with a grin.

Steve added that at the end. He wanted to see that film.

***

Uptown, Stark looked at Thor when his phone rang and he looked at the text message then burst out laughing. "What? Share with the group, Thor."

Thor shared with Jane, who groaned and held her face with her hands. "Oh my god, she would bring that up." She looked at Thor.

"You have video of that?"

"It was cute!"

"Possibly," he agreed. "Go ahead and show them, Jane. They may like that goofy moment in London."

She got into her phone, which was ancient enough to make Stark cringe and declare he needed to hire an archeologist to deal with that relic. "FRIDAY, can you get into this video and show it?" she requested.

The tv in the room popped up with a video of a very drunk Darcy and Jane wobbling into an apartment like it was a sitcom. They were both wearing less than skimpy clothes and looked like they were halfway to sorority sister drunk. The video, which had been selfies before, turned on the napping, half naked Thor on the couch. They saw Darcy move to the side of the screen and then come back into the apartment with a few little toy cars. She flopped down beside Thor's side and moved the matchbox cars around his abs. "Vroom vroom goes all the kids on their way home from suburban mom kid-avoidance times. Home to their lawns and parents and labrador retrievers. All the happy prozac moms doing prozac mom things with their kids they only had to say they had them."

"What are you doing?" Thor demanded before he opened his eyes.

"Taking advantage of the neighborhood," she said with a grin. "You nicely have a laid out planned community here, Thor, and all the little pod people are going home to their ranch houses with outdated basements and labradors. They're taking their kids from soccer mom sports so they have to prove they have good wife skills again."

"How do you know it's not a city?" Jane asked.

"They're not hard enough to be asphalt, the city's never that regular, and there's no buildings. No one's drawn them yet anyway but he's got a yard that is clearly mowed and that's suburbs not cityscape, Jane." She grinned up at her. "Since he mows those neighborhoods they have to be suburbs because there's no grass in the cities."

Thor sat up and picked up Darcy to move her out of his way then stood up. "You must rest before the alcohol kills your mind, Lady Darcy." He looked at his beloved. "Bed, Jane? You should rest so you can science in the morning with Lady Darcy."

She ran a hand over his abs. "You do mow your neighborhoods very well," she said with a smirk up at him.

"Nay, I have never had grass there," he said, picking Jane up and taking her to their room. "Goodnight, Lady Darcy. Sleep well."

"You two too, big guy. Have Jane wash your neighborhoods for you so she can shut down the strip clubs in the next area over." She waved at the door then reached over to shut off Jane's phone she had laid down so she could rest on her couch/bed.

Thor shook his head with a sigh, looking at the others as the video ended. "It took me a week to figure out what she meant."

"Plenty of people manscape, Thor," Pepper said through her giggles. "Though that was so cute."

"Nay, I have not hair there," he said dryly.

"That sucks, I have to shave some of mine," Stark complained. He looked at Pepper.

"You don't have the neighborhoods he has, Tony," she said, patting him on the wrist. He pouted so she kissed him. "Behave."

"We should put that out there so they think Darcy's just goofy again."

"Better than the one of Darcy doing her best Marilyn Monroe impersonation at Culver," Jane said dryly. "For someone's birthday party."

"It's nice she's kept most of her dirty incidents off the web," Pepper said. Jane found that one via google and put it up. Pepper giggled at her overacting and funny routine. "That's cute."

Thor nodded. "Quite." He looked at Jane. "If she does not mind, I do not mind her being embarrassed by that video." Jane grinned, uploading that one to the Avengers youtube fandom page. Stark shook his head, sipping his coffee.

Bruce came in adjusting his shirt. "What's going on?" Jane let Bruce see that video and he giggled as he headed into the kitchen. "Darcy's a kick."

"She needs more goofy time," Stark decided. "She said she wanted to go on college kid spring break again. So we should find a way to get her there," he told Pepper, who patted his shoulder. "There's places she can go to be drunk and goofy and get laid."

"She's too uptight and tense for that probably," Jane said. "She'd have to go somewhere to get party happy first. She's turning into an adult again, Stark."

"Clearly. Do we have other goofy videos of Darcy?"

"I have her doing an imaginary striptease one night to keep in practice in case she ever gets a real boyfriend. She was too drunk to sing, she could only hum, and she kept tripping over her toes. She said her toes were in the way."

"Nah," Stark said. He looked at the comments the new videos were getting. "A lot of comments about boys needing neighborhoods like those. A few bragging they had those sort of neighborhoods but the cars were too big so they had to get special, hybrid ones." He answered one of those about a matchbox prius being too tiny to see. "One complaining that Darcy dissed soccer moms. Or two maybe. The other one's not in good english." Pepper took his phone to put down on him. "Fine." He cuddled her instead.

Thor cuddled Jane as well and they put in a movie to relax to and hide with.

***

Back in Bed-Stuy Kate looked at her phone's alert. "Some reporter wanted to know about you and that video, Darcy."

Darcy looked then sighed and answered from her own account. "2 for 1 margarita night, people. This is why tequila is bad for you." She sent it after linking to that comment.

Kate laughed. "Seriously?"

"Yup. Four hours of margaritas. Many too many margaritas. I had a hangover for three days."

"I'll stick with girly, fruity drinks then," Kate decided. "Those usually have rum."

"Rum is nicer to your body," Darcy agreed.

"You girls are goofy," Steve said. They grinned at him.

"Vodka's stronger but easier to hide," Bucky told them.

"Plenty of mixed drinks have vodka," Darcy agreed. "Or if you ask, Natasha usually has a good bottle stashed in her freezer."

"I'll have to remember that. You two should go rest. Take the dogs with you." They sighed but went to talk on the bed for a bit. He looked at Steve. Who was shaking his head. They could handle goofy young women.

***
Part 16 by voracity
***

Bucky woke up alone on the couch, which was interesting. He looked around as he sat up, not finding a single dog. Which was weird. "Conor," he called quietly. He got up to look on the fire escape, getting the dogs back inside with a single point and a scowl. They ran inside and into the bedroom to cuddle their cuddly humans. Bucky closed and locked the window, looking around. Two figures in black down in the alley. He grimaced. "I wonder if I can get the dog to crap on command," he muttered. Then suddenly lights went on focusing down there. Two figures in black with masks and assault rifles. NYPD officers in a car with spotlights. Pity about the guys. Hopefully they weren't good guys or agents. Bucky leaned over to watch. That's when he heard a noise behind him and turned, striking the other person in the head. He went down and Bucky got to stare at him. "Where were you hiding?" he demanded. "Darcy, problems!"

"He came in the window in here and we already knocked out two of his buddies," Kate called. "No one's answering the phones at the tower." She leaned out of the bedroom. "He got away from us but he ran into the pantry and held the door closed. We figured we could get him in a minute."

"Why didn't he wake me?"

"I'm guessing they tried to gas us," Darcy said as she came out pulling up her hair. "I woke up when the second guy came through the window and a dog bit him." She glared at this new guy, who was trying to wiggle away from them. "Hey, Scott, were you knocked out too?" she called quietly. No answer. She looked. No Scott. "Okay, so they somehow left us here." She saw the lights. "NYPD?" He nodded. "Great." She walked out there, looking at the officers.

"Ma'am, we'll have the lights off in a minute," the driving officer said harshly.

"Sure, but I was going to ask if you wanted the three douche canoes that broke into my apartment." She pointed. "Or else I can just hurt them a lot until they beg to be better people. I really could use minions after all."

An officer winced. "Do we know who they are?"

"No, then I would've just kicked their asses. Somehow we slept through them getting into the apartment, which is really weird, and we missed our buddies who were sitting with us leaving too. So, want another few bad guys? We can kick them down the stairs if you want." One of the ones in custody got free and rushed for her to kick her. She dodged and kicked him on the ass. "Don't try that."

He tried to kick her again and she backed up. The cops weren't doing anything so she pulled her tazer and got him, making him scream. "Shut up, people are trying to sleep!" she ordered. "How dare you break into their sleep! They need it to do normal people things! Now, give yourself up or I'm going to hit the trigger for longer this time." He was moaning. "Well?" He whined. She glared. "You're not worthy of even being a minion."

"SHIELD," he muttered.

"I doubt you're SHIELD, dude. If you are, Coulson will come nag me tomorrow." Bucky came down the stairs with the three bad guys, Kate following him carrying their feet so they didn't wake anyone else up. "This one got away from the officers and made me tase him, guys."

"He's obviously stupid," Bucky said, staring down at him.

"Soldier," he moaned.

"That just proved you're not SHIELD," Kate quipped. She looked at the officers, who were all looking scared. She smiled. "Don't worry, we can have them cleaned up if you can't." Darcy nodded at that.

"Do you live here?" one of the officers demanded.

"Yeah, up there," Darcy said with a point. "This guy lives up the street. This one lives a few blocks away. We were all hiding together after the incident earlier at the courthouse." She stared at him. "Usually you guys aren't so chill."

"We heard weird things about this neighborhood," he shot back.

"No, we're pretty much at peace until someone like HYDRA comes here for the guys who live on this block."

"Bro, they're fine," a male voice called from up the street. "Leave Cookie Lady alone."

The officer looked that way then at her, sneering. "Really?"

"They saved me a few times so I made them rum balls. Not like I was going to hop into their laps to thank them for saving me. I'm not that sort of woman."

"We can arrest you for the illegal weapon."

"I have a letter upstairs by the FBI saying I can have it. Should I go get it for you?"

"No, I think we can call them," he said, pulling out new cuffs. She held out her hands. He spun her around to cuff her and walked her off. "This one's mouthy."

"Nice tattoo on your neck," Darcy shot back. "How many octopuses did you kill to earn that one." He shoved her against the car and she just looked at him. "You have fun with that. Especially with cameras on the block."

"You ain't shit, little girl. Even as a debutante you ain't shit."

"Sure. Though that's bad grammar." She stared at them. The officer tried to hit her and an arrow pinned him to his car.

"We do take police brutality seriously in this neighborhood," Kate told them. She had her bow in her hand and an arrow ready but not drawn back. "That's why we're such good citizens." A few of them looked scared. "Now, anything else? I can come bail Darcy out in the morning if I must."

An SUV pulled up. Bucky stared. "We don't need that sort of help right now," he noted. Great, AIM in full decontam yellow suits and hoods. "Bishop, you got your emergency beacon?"

"Yeah," she said, pushing it once it was out of her bra.

"NYPD," one shouted, pulling his gun. "Drop it!"

"Shut up," one said, zapping him.

Darcy kicked at her tormentor. "Get me loose," she muttered. "They're going to try to kidnap me anyway." He got her free and got out of the way, letting her find something and use it from the pizza place's doorway. Their SUV went up. Their idiot minions mostly got set on fire from the explosion. The two that were walking went after Darcy but Kate got one in the ankle and Bucky punched the other one.

The mob guy stared down at Darcy. "Damn you're dangerous, Cookie Lady."

She smiled. "Only when I need to be or there's vodka." She huffed. "I hate these people. I should move to spare the neighborhood." New officers showed up. She looked at the reporter, glaring until he volunteered the footage. It was nice that Peter was local. Darcy walked out, looking at the new officers. "Am I still under arrest for having to take care of the guy that they let get free and come at me?"

The new lead officer looked at the camera replay then at that officer. "You're damn lucky. There's a protect order on her."

"I can usually take care of myself," Darcy complained. One of the new bad guys tried to get free and Darcy had to zap him again then kicked his knife out of his hand. "We don't need you guys stabbed." She stared at him again. "So am I still under arrest for using my tazer? I can show you the letter with permission from the FBI."

"We have a copy, Miss Lewis," another officer said after hanging up. "Please go back to your safe room and stay in there with Mr. Barnes and Miss Bishop." Kate looked at him. "Please? They could bring more and we'd hate to have an Avengers level battle here."

"They'd never come here," Bucky said. "They're not that stupid. The few that are, we hand over." He looked at Darcy. "Go make coffee?" She glared at him. "So you can pet your dog?" She huffed but walked up there with Kate. Bucky sat on the stoop, staring at them. "So they can't try to break in again." The officers all got out of the way and did what they had to do then fled. He looked at Peter. "Should you be out this late on a school night, kid?"

"I'm on break, it's a long weekend," he quipped back. "Also, we're watching over the area." He looked in the pizza place then at Bucky. "They didn't say a thing about the weapons."

"The Russian mob likes to think they own here," Bucky told him. "They'll complain later that she stole their weapon to use."

"Bro, since we saw her having to stab some guy in the park over twenty times, we're just respectful of the Cookie Lady," the same mob guy said. He grinned and waved. "We just love the cookies and stay outta the way, bro."

"Good idea. When did she have to do that?"

"Last month. We figure she's a crazy chick."

"Some days but only when they make her," Bucky said dryly. "Then again, she's teaching Bishop and her dog. Cutey actually bit someone in the balls hard enough to make them beg."

The mob guy nodded. "Dogs are weird, always in a crotch," he said, walking off again. This deserved a drink.

Bucky looked at Peter. "Do you really want to do this job, kid?" he asked quietly.

"Someone's got to. With great power comes great responsibility."

"Yeah, that's what Bishop said too," he complained. "And Steve." He looked at him. "You know how often we get injured?" The kid nodded, looking unimpressed. "You gotta will and stuff?"

"Yeah, I do but it's hidden."

"Good. You end up in the hospital and I'm going to send Darcy ta nag you to death. She'd do a good job too."

Peter shivered. "That's evil."

Bucky smiled. "I caught it from her when I drank out of her coffee cup."

"I didn't know evil was like herpes," Peter quipped, sitting down. "We can handle it if you want to go sleep."

"I'm fine on sleep, kid. The others?"

"Flying. Robotic. Donkeys. With. Lasers," he said bluntly.

Bucky shook his head with a sigh. "College kid with an idea?"

"Yup. One of my classmates actually." He grinned. "That makes two who've gone bad." Kate came down with coffee cups for the three of them. "Thanks."

"Welcome, Parker." She sat down on his other side. "The donkeys are holding animatronic squirrels who have lasers and are scurrying all over that orange douche yacht's building." She sipped her coffee. "I sent a message to Scott and he admitted he left a message but the dogs had probably sent it under the couch." She looked at Peter. Then at the pizza shop. "Think they have more ordinance?"

"Yeah," Bucky said with a nod, taking a sip of coffee. "They do. I think it'll be mine later though." He looked at her. "I might let you borrow."

She smiled. "I can beg prettily for something nice."

"Let me go back to lurking," Peter said, finishing his coffee before handing back the cup and walking back to hide in the shadows again.

Kate grinned at his back then at Bucky. "He's adorably young."

"He's only a year younger than you," he reminded her.

"I was young then too."

"Uh-huh. Still young, Bishop." She nudged him with her elbow. He sipped his coffee, watching for more bad things. Someone was driving up to stop at the pizza place but they spotted them and drove on. Bucky smirked and waved. "He runs an arms business out of Lebanon, New Hampshire."

"Interesting. I haven't looked into many of those yet." She sipped her coffee, talking about weapons for now.

***

Stark showed up the next morning with a sleepy Clint and Bobbi. Kate opened the door on her way to the bathroom so he let the two spies into the bedroom. They curled up together, Bobbi behind Clint and Clint cuddling Darcy with the dogs. Stark looked at Bishop as she came back. "What happened last night?" he demanded quietly.

She shrugged. "All I know is that we didn't wake up for some reason when Steve and Scott left. Then we woke up to someone breaking in and a few guys in the alley that the NYPD got. When Darcy went down to ask if they wanted the guys who broke in, one of the alley guys got free and tried to rush her. Darcy nearly got arrested for handling it since the officers stood there stupidly.

"Then AIM showed up with sucky timing so we were handling it, me and Bucky, before Darcy ran into the pizza shop to grab a weapon to fire off. Then we spotted the reporter watching us and had him show the new NYPD guys showing up what had happened. As of this morning I've gotten an email from the borough commissioner praising us for handling things and asking if we saw those not-officers to please report them next time." She walked around him to get coffee. "Otherwise, just a normal night. Coffee?" she asked with a small smirk.

He stared at her. "We've go to warp you, Bishop. We really do. You're turning into Darcy."

"No, I give better blow jobs." She sipped her coffee, smiling at the dog that came out to sniff her. "Let me find my sneakers and we'll go run, guys." Conor barked and ran to find his leash, which he couldn't find for some reason. Kate got them out of the go bag and put on her shoes, heading out with all three dogs. Once Cutey had peed and pooped, she put Cutey into her hoodie's hood and took off jogging with the two bigger dogs.

Stark was standing there in Darcy's apartment looking confused. Bucky came out of the spare bedroom. "What happened?"

"With Bishop? She confused you because you don't understand human dames, only robotic ones," he said sarcastically. "Last night? Apparently one last plot."

"Goons and weapons and Lewis with weapons?"

"The mob guys had a few in the pizza shop. I really appreciate them collecting for me." Stark winced, shaking his head with a sigh. "At least I know who they got them from so I can go visiting if I need more for my collection."

"Stop." He held up a hand. "Is she safe?"

"For right now. If they come back again, I'm pretty sure she's going to lose her mind and turn into Natasha. Without some of the moves or the training."

"Could be, yeah." He rubbed his forehead. "Bishop's running with the dogs. I'm going to go have a headache on Pepper." He walked off shaking his head. He spotted one of the mob guys and gave him a confused look. "Why do you even try anything near them?"

"I don't," he said. "We know they're cray-cray, bro. We know better. Cookie Lady's like a Russian woman, get her mad and you won't survive."

"Yeah, I know one of those. She's like that too. You don't have Stark tech right?"

"We'd never pay that much for anything, bro. Way too damn expensive."

"Good. Thanks. And for lending Lewis something."

"Not lended, bro. She completely stole. And was hot doing it. We need to get her an outfit like that one lady." He walked off happier.

"Lewis would look hot but she looks hotter in the pinup stuff," he told the mob guy. "Apparently there's something coming out this holiday with her in it." He got into his car and went back to the tower, with a stop for a mega sized coffee with whipped cream and sprinkles. It was a sprinkles kind of day. He ran into a reporter and held up a hand. "I have a headache. Don't even try." She pouted. "Tough."

He got his coffee and paid for the next guys, doing a good deed, then went back to the tower to hide in his room. Even his lab wasn't safe from the bad thoughts. Thankfully Pepper had slept in this morning so he could curl up on her chilly shoulder. He checked her pulse, just in case, because that would totally ruin his day. She was fine, just cold. He could fix that for her by snuggling. She'd make the headache less.

***

Darcy blinked awake at the feeling of someone patting her back for her. She blinked at Bobbi, who was grinning at her. "If you want to have sex with him over here, use the spare bed, Bobbi. It's comfy and less full of dog fur." She tucked her head under the pillow again and let herself drift off again.

"At least you didn't suggest it was the prelude to a threesome," Bobbi quipped.

Darcy waved a hand. "That would be touching something taken and I don't like stolen property, even if it was just loaned to me."

"That's a good thing." She got up, going to get coffee. "She's hiding under her pillow."

"So's Bucky since Kate helped him get back to sleep. Someday soon he's going to pounce her for giving him a sudden blow job." He handed her some coffee and a flaky pastry he had picked up when he was getting clean clothes.

"At least we know Kate's just playing with him. She's a nice girl. Maybe he'll teach her not to tease."

"It's not teasing if she follows through on the blow job offer," Clint said dryly, giving her a look. She grinned back. "Some girls really like those." He shrugged and sipped his own coffee. All three dogs were on the fire escape watching the neighborhood. Occasionally they'd bark at someone they knew and some of them would even wave back. Hopefully today was going to be quiet. They could all use a rest. Of course, someone tried to throw something at the dogs and Bobbi went to talk to them about it. She adored dogs and these ones were neat.

***

Darcy answered her cellphone, smiling at the nice voice. "Hey, Jen. What's up?" She listened. "Yeah, I've already started to do that and you guys can bum one if you need to. Just don't destroy anything so make sure Clay doesn't bring home a volatile chick." She grinned when Kate was giving her odd looks. "Security code's on the side of the box in braille. Yup, that piece of tape. Should be six digits, it'll unlock the door automatically, and I'll have the security code reset once you guys are out of there. It's the least I can do, Jake. Don't worry about it unless you destroy something." She shifted to cross her feet. "Hell no, I get good rent out of those. That one's not on the circuit though. Great! Let them know I miss picking on Pooch's son and feeding you and Cougar. Sure, have fun in the pool too. I don't have video camera access, only the security company does. Great. Laters." She hung up and rolled her neck around to stretch it.

"Vacation home?" Kate guessed.

"Something like that." She grinned.

"You put up a safehouse?"

"Something like that."

Kate stared at her for a minute. "Should I go hide while telling Clint you're making evil plans again?"

"Nah. I'm being a good, helpful girl." She grinned. "Very few know I have a few spare houses to hide at, Katie."

"Um, yeah, so you're making lairs?" she asked with a grin.

"No, if I wanted to do that I'd go take over the company I about half own and start them doing things." She grinned back. "I'm not doing that so I'm not fully evil yet."

"Uh-huh." She nodded to show she supported that delusion. "Sure you're not."

"You guys can rent it for a weekend or so too, Kate."

"Fine. I'll let the others know if they want to pool some money together for a vacay." She texted Clint and Stark, getting a head shake gif back from Stark. "Stark's probably moaning."

"Tell him to tell Pepper I said hi since she's the one that makes him all moany and happy."

"I don't want to go there," Kate admitted dryly. "How many do you have?"

"Six?" She shrugged. "They're all nice little vacay points."

"Um, yeah. Got photos?"

"So you can nark?" she asked with a grin. "Nope."

"Fine." She sent that as well. She got a text back from Bobbi, it had her name in the header. "Bobbi said that having safe houses is fine but renting them out was iffy since you don't screen who rents them. Because if some villain rents them they'd have to confiscate all of them." She looked at her.

"I have a security company for that," she said with a hand wave and a grin. "They look at all wanted rentals before approving them." She sent them a message about Jake and them taking up one of the houses for a bit. They sent back they had already seen it and registered it since they were on the allowed list. She sent a smiley face and let it go with that. "The security team is actively watching everything."

"Great." She nodded. "Really great. Can we just bum one for free?"

"We'll see."

"Thanks," she said with a grin. She sent that back to Bobbi, who said she'd make sure it was going to be fine and if she had to come de-evil Darcy at least it'd be fun. Kate burst out laughing, showing her the text message. Darcy took the phone to text back and agreed it'd be fun but neither one of them would be walking right for a few days and she wasn't into spanking games, body fluid games, or size queen moments. Then she added a smiley face at the end and sent it. She tossed the phone back. Kate read the return message and just handed over her phone while she got some more coffee with whipped cream. She was so spoiled. Darcy burst out laughing so she glanced back but let those two sext. It was good for Darcy and helping her stay calm and reasonable.

***

Stark looked at the email he got from Skye, frowning at it. "They probably came from Hammer's crappile," he said as he typed that back. "She didn't give Culver everything. He had a few houses that were 'showpieces' to show to models he wanted to screw that had nice pools and barely decorated living room and bedrooms. So Darcy probably had to do a lot of maintenance Hammer hadn't and decorate a lot since he only decorated the used rooms." He sent that email and shook his head, sending Darcy a text message about those.

She agreed that three of them had come from Hammer's crap pile of stuff. But they hadn't needed much maintenance, he'd only had them for a few years. But yeah, she had decorated the hell out of them. Frankly, she bought the whole holdings for the worth of those three houses. Then she added a smiley face. Stark shook his head and congratulated her on the deal she had gotten, then asked why she wasn't at work. She reminded him about the meeting that afternoon and event that night so she had arranged to come in for the meeting.

He sent that at Pepper, who had been complaining about Darcy not being at work. Pepper huffed and sent Darcy one herself about an earlier meeting. Darcy pointed out that wasn't Maria Stark Foundation stuff, that was Stark Industries stuff. Pepper groaned, Tony could hear it. He was staying out of that. Pepper finally agreed it was Stark Industries stuff so Darcy didn't have to attend that meeting.

When Darcy showed up later in a nice looking skirt and blouse, she stopped in the lab, looking at Pepper. "Did you want me to help you with some of the SI stuff, Pepper?"

"No." She sighed. "I forgot." She looked her over. "Why not designer?"

"They don't fit me, Pepper. Never have." She shrugged. "This looks good on me and it fits. Took a bit of tailoring down but that has to happen usually anyway." She turned to let her see. "Off the rack but real people sizes."

Pepper nodded. "It does look nice but most people would expect you to wear designer."

"Sure, when they start to design for women with breasts and hips, I might, but I'm not that sort of girl. Just look at my scarf and beanie collection." She shrugged but smiled. "I'm good with this and if someone underestimates me then that's usually to my benefit."

"Probably," she agreed. "But some charities will think you're fronting for someone, Darcy."

"Most of the ones I've seen recently knew me. Only one thought that and got horrified when one I worked with showed up and greeted me." She grinned. "I pointed out a hundred bucks for an outfit was nicer than three grand for the same thing in a different color and meant I could put more toward my charity work."

"New car?" Stark asked.

"I'm thinking. I think it'd be a pain in this city."

"Point." He looked her over. "Hose have a tear."

She looked and huffed, going to take them off in his lab bathroom. She came out tucking them into her purse but grinned. "Thanks. Stark, are you coming to the decision making meeting for the charity's yearly gifts?"

"No. Tell me," he said with a hand wave. "I can dress up or whatever when it's time."

"Fine." She looked at Pepper, who ate a few more bites of lunch then went with her. They settled in to talk about how to do the charity luncheon thing without making it look too uptight and pretentious. The board had a lot of ideas, mostly about a sit down dinner. Darcy looked at Pepper then at the group. "What about something less formal? A few meetings back one of you suggested a barbeque event where the plate fees went to the rebuilding and other charities. We could also do a picnic for those who need to eat instead. Either would cost little to throw and we'd be able to give a lot more to the rebuilding fund or whoever got decided on."

They all looked at each other. Then a few nodded. "How would you throw one of those?"

Pepper considered it. "We block off a small side street that's usually not heavily used. We set up grills and tables with food. We set up places to sit and eat. We put a five dollar cover charge for later donation purposes and then at the end we announce this year's recipients. We invite them specially so they know when to be there and give them a pass on the donation to get in. We could do a nice buffet that way, including grilled things if we wanted to."

"The people working on the clean up could come in too," Darcy agreed. "Five bucks isn't much and if they're volunteering they probably won't mind. If we put out a salad bar area and an optional take home box for say an extra dollar that may help as well."

Pepper considered that. "That's not a bad idea. Take home boxes can be gotten pretty cheap by the crate or the cheap places couldn't use them. An extra dollar would probably cover the cost of those. Any remaining food should be donated to a shelter." They all nodded and made notes. "It does make us look very socially aware of the current climate of the city and even the most rich probably wouldn't mind much. A few might try to get out of paying for their guards to eat but otherwise that's not a bad idea. Whoever had that idea it's a great one. Thank you." One of them smiled at her. "Thank you, Miranda." She looked around. "A good catering company could arrange all that easily enough since most of it wouldn't need fixed or ovens on hand."

"We could probably ask the vo-techs that have culinary programs if their students wanted the experience," Darcy offered with a grin.

"That's actually not a bad idea." She made that note. "The only thing I worry about is whether it really represents the foundation."

Darcy considered her finances then shrugged. "If you guys don't like it I may steal it for my mother's charity and you guys can do the donation at the end."

"That's..." Pepper frowned as she thought about it. "Your mom's charity works with women and children's groups," she agreed. "Plus your own educational work. That may be good for them, plus raise their profile." Darcy nodded. "It wouldn't be an expensive one. Are you due to give out gifts?"

"Yes, in about a month. I usually have most of mine ready about two days after yours. I also usually deliver them in person. Just pop in and go 'hi, here, you won me over, do more good work with it' then disappear while they're smiling at the awards."

"Then that makes more sense and we can gladly halfway do the lunch with you." Darcy smiled and they shook hands, cracking a few of the people at the meeting. "Rebuilding and what fund?"

"I was thinking maybe the pet shelters that are being overrun or the human shelters that are being overrun and have been for years."

"That's not a bad idea. Keep it local," Pepper agreed. "Do you know which ones specifically?" Darcy pulled up her short list. "Hmm. Why not the big one on eighth?"

"Because I don't want to get into the religious pissing war and they've turned away some untraditional families. Including a pregnant unmarried young woman who was seventeen. That one you can say they sent her to CPS because of her age but they've subtly turned away gay families as well. Six have noted it on their facebook page and where more tolerant shelters were. All but one of those are also full time shelters for the rest of the year too. The one that doesn't run a shelter does run a few helpful things for college kids."

"That's not a bad way of sorting," Pepper decided. "Let's do it that way." They all nodded and got down to the setting of details. Darcy did some quick looking up of event planners and catering services. Darcy had no idea how to plan an event, Pepper had only done smaller ones around the tower. The company had an event planner on yearly retainer for whatever they needed to throw. That helped a lot. They agreed to use her. Though she claimed to be busy when Pepper called her. Darcy found an up and coming one through one of the groups she worked with. They were just now starting out and needed proof jobs. Apparently she used to plan events for the teen shelter she had stayed in.

***

Darcy came home that night and found Bobbi on her couch eating Clint's cheetos and letting Lucky beg her for them. "Did you take Conor out?"

"Clint took him for a run because Lucky's limping." She put the bag aside, letting Lucky have the last cheeto and her fingers to lick clean.

"He's had some problems with his right front paw. I think he may have stepped on some glass or something but I couldn't find it when I looked," Darcy said, heading in to change. "What's up?"

"How did you get those houses?"

"Hammer's stuff."

"What about the other ones?"

Darcy leaned out of her bedroom without a shirt on. "I had one of those for years but didn't feel like going back. One was my former uncle's and his son said he loathes it so I'm not going to be selling it back to him. He cheered when I put it up for rent as a summer villa. The last one I found on massive tax sale because it was only half finished and the couple was getting a divorce. The vacation home was their last attempt at reconciling but she found a hotty on the beach and he found a few others. Apparently after the orgy they looked at each other and agreed it'd be for the best if they sold their stuff and split." She went back to changing into after work clothes. She came out pulling on the t-shirt over her shorts. "Why?"

"Wondering. It wasn't noted anywhere."

"Whoever's looking is probably still looking under Lewis. You can't buy real estate under an assumed name as easily, without involving a realtor that knows all that."

"Point." She watched her fuss in the kitchen. "Is Clint over often?"

"Sometimes he's bored." She smiled. "I have the better cable package."

"That figures." She looked at Lucky. "We need to have someone look at your paw, young man." Lucky hopped up to lick her, groaning some as he moved.

Darcy came over to feel over his sides, making him yelp. "Did someone kick you?" she demanded. "C'mon, we're going to see the vet. You should not be that sore." She carefully picked him up and carried him down to her stoop, where she called a cab. They weren't that slow today so they were at the vet she liked within twenty minutes. Before they closed for the night. "For some reason my friend's dog is groaning when he jumps. He's limping on a front paw, we thought he had stepped on something with his right front one, but I couldn't find anything. I checked his side and he moaned in pain. I don't know why."

"All right." The nurse went to get the vet, who took off his jacket and came back out to see him. "He's a nice looking dog."

Darcy grinned. "My buddy's got mine for a run because he was sore. Lucky's like my step-dog. I'm his off-time babysitter as well."

"That's fine," the vet said, letting her lead him to the exam room. "He is limping, isn't he?"

"I checked his right front paw, figuring he stepped on some glass or something on the sidewalk. I couldn't find anything."

"All right." He checked the paws then felt along Lucky's sides. "He is in pain. Has he been hit by a car?"

"Not since he lost the eye. His human rescued him when he was hit but that was over a year ago. He was fine three or four days ago. And mine's not showing those problems, or the other one they like to hang out with when she has to drop Cutey off for dog-sitting."

"Hmm." He checked him over. "I need to run bloodwork and x-rays." Darcy waved a hand. "It can get expensive."

Darcy looked at him then pulled out her Black AmEx card. "That's fine." The doctor nodded, taking Lucky back there to draw some blood and do x-rays. The nurse took the card to run for the first fees. The vet came back without him. "That bad?" she asked, looking scared.

"He has something in his blood. It's not chemicals that I know of."

Darcy frowned. "Are you saying someone tried to kill Lucky?"

"Perhaps. What does his father do?"

"He's an Avenger." The vet winced. "He's also my neighbor and my buddy. Is it something we can identify?"

"Not that I've ever seen. I've started him on an IV drip. It looks like we can flush his system." Clint walked in. "Yours?"

"Lucky? Yeah. What happened? My ex-wife said Darcy all but snatched him here."

She laid a hand on his arm. "He groaned in pain jumping onto Bobbi's lap to lick her and the cheeto dust."

"That explains the orange in his mouth," the vet said dryly. He looked at him. "Would someone hate you enough to try to poison or drug your dog?"

"Only if they want me to kill them." Darcy pulled out her phone to text someone. "Telling Stark?" he asked.

"Asking Bucky. He's been home for weeks again and half the time the dogs sneak over there to harass him."

"Point."

"They're let free in the neighborhood?" the vet asked, scowling at them.

"No," Darcy said, shaking her head. "They sneak from Clint's building next door to mine via the fire escapes. Our friend Bucky lives two buildings up and they sneak up to his via the fire escape and the street to go bother him sometimes. Generally when we're not home for a few hours to play with them." She looked at the vet. "Everyone knows the three dogs. Even the bad elements in the neighborhood like the dogs and protect them. If one of them had gotten hurt we would've heard. Or at least I would've heard."

"The younger track suit vampires would've told you," Clint agreed. "The younger ones want to stay on your good side and the cookie habit you've given them." Clint's phone rang so he looked at it. "My brother. That's interesting." He opened the message. "I need to go yell at an agent who thought that you were the reason I hadn't come back to SHIELD." He let her see it.

"If you tell Bobbi she'll probably dent him and leave him staked in the middle of our street."

"Could be. Takes my fun though." He looked up. "What was it?"

"I'm not totally sure. We think we can flush his system."

"Can we do it at home? He's got bad memories of the vet. I know how to change an IV bag."

"You can teach me that," Darcy said. "I wouldn't know how to stick one but I can change a bag. I haven't done it in years, since my father was alive, but I can do it on humans."

The vet nodded. "We can do that. We'd like to do some follow up bloodwork."

"Yeah, Doc, I've got money," Clint said.

"I paid already," Darcy said. "I can pay the rest."

He kissed her on the temple. "My dog." He looked at the vet, getting smiled at. "She's a buddy. Like a sister most of the time." She hit him on the arm. "Can we get the bloodwork results too? I want to make someone eat them."

"I can make copies. We'll need to see him to follow up in two days." Clint nodded at that.

"If he can't, myself or Kate can," Darcy agreed.

"Good. Let me go get him." He went to get the dog, bringing back the x-rays. "We did one on his ribs, just in case. He's got what looks like some air in his stomach."

Darcy looked down, nuzzling him with her nose. "Did you pick up Conor's bad habits and steal from the fridge too? I know you're smart enough to defeat the lock your daddy had to put on my fridge thanks to my doggy."

Clint snorted, shaking his head. "Her dog got into a fridge and ate a full pie."

"And a sock, and a lot of cheese," Darcy said with a small smirk. "He really hated that medicine. I've had a slide lock on the fridge for a while now. They defeated the other kinds, including a twist lock. Cutey taught them that one."

The vet smiled. "What sort of dog do you have?"

"A part herding dog. Partially an Estrella Mountain dog."

"Most of that type are very smart."

"Cutey's part Russian Terrier," Clint said. "And just as stubborn as the Russians we know."

"It's good they have friends." He showed Darcy how to connect the IV bag and got them some spares.

Clint paid for the remaining vet bill and drove them home. He had driven down. Darcy sat in the back with Lucky, letting him cuddle her. "He'll be fine. Tell me how much I owe you."

"Shut up."

"Fine." He grinned back at her. "You're going to have a huge tax bill this year."

"No I won't. I donated most of it." She grinned. "It helps a lot." He parked and she got out first, pulling the dog over. "Let me, Lucky, that way you don't pull out the IV." She turned and ran into Barney Barton. "Hey." He took Lucky from her. She got her bag and purse, locking the car and going up to undo her door. "Kate, set up a comfy spot for Lucky." She hurried to do that with the couch throw. Clint carried in his dog and Barney followed. "Clint, can I help beat the idiot?"

"Nah. I don't need the help, Darcy." He smiled at her. "Buddy, I'll be right back. Let me go get your wet food. Darcy's stuff stinks."

"Darcy bought other stuff," Kate said. "I made her." She got a tin open and brought it over, pushing Cutey away. "His food, Cutey. He's sick. Don't eat his food." She carried her dog to the shared bowl and put some in for her and Conor, who was staring at Lucky and whining. Darcy hugged her dog and he came over to curl around his buddy. Lucky relaxed and let Conor cuddle. Cutey ran over to help cuddle. Darcy put down a bowl of water too, plus moved the food some closer to Lucky's head than Cutey's. That helped. Clint was settled in to pet his dog. Kate looked at the newcomer. "Hey. Nice to see you again, Barney."

He stared at her then at Clint. "Your protege is mouthy."

"She can throw you out the window too," Darcy quipped. "Let me go tell Bucky we're back and then I'll start dinner."

"I've got some chicken pieces defrosting," Kate offered. "I was going to snatch them for my own nefarious dinner."

"Sure. I can handle that." She looked outside then jogged down the stairs and over to Bucky's apartment, finding he had a visitor. "Hey, Steve. Bucky, that agent poisoned Lucky. We're home with him but he's on an IV bag so we're having dinner. If you see the asshole, let us know?"

"Gladly. Lucky gonna be okay?"

"Yeah, the vet thinks so."

"Good. Means I can watch Clint beat him to death," Bucky decided. "Who's the other one?"

"Clint's brother."

"Huh. Okay. Yell if you need help."

"Kate's over." She smiled.

"Good. Go home. Fuss over the furry things. I'll come watch them in the morning." She nodded and left them to talk. "Clint's going to destroy someone."

"Yeah but we'll clap and make sure the guy can't run." Steve looked at him. "Why would an agent poison his dog?"

"Don't know," he admitted. "We can ask later." He got back to work on dinner for them. He head learned a few things watching Darcy cook for them.

***

Darcy came back, going to wash her hands and start on the chicken. "Let's pound these and make chicken cutlets or maybe chicken parm." Kate nodded, moving over to help her so she learned how to do it. "Steve was over so Bucky said he'll come watch over him in the morning."

"Thanks, Darce."

"Welcome. Need water or anything?"

"My temper to not grow," he admitted. She smiled. "I know, you guys will help if I need it. I shouldn't need much help."

Kate walked over to hug him around the head. "Lucky's my step-mutt too. Therefore I get to hit him at least once." She went back to the kitchen.

Barney watched them work then looked at Clint. "They're real protective."

"Yup." He grinned. "They're like sisters."

"I've heard." He stared at him. "This agent?"

"Dead when I find 'em." He took a picture of the bloodwork and sent it to Bobbi. A few minutes later he got an email from Simmons telling him how it worked in humans. He called the vet's number to make sure what they were doing was right. He added a med they could pick up at a local pharmacy in a few hours. Simmons also found where that agent was. He was in Philadelphia tonight. Clint could get him the next night and they'd all cheer him on.

***

Stark looked up as Darcy came into the lab the next morning, handing him a muffin. "What's this for?"

"For you to eat. I made too many while I was worrying about Lucky."

"What happened to his dog?" he demanded, turning to look at her.

"An agent who decided Lucky was why he didn't go back to SHIELD." She gave him a look and waved the muffin. "I can give it to Pepper instead."

"No, I like muffins." He took it to sniff. "Banana nut?"

"It took extra energy to grind the nuts and bananas." She walked off. "Happy nibbling."

"Thanks. That agent?"

"He'll be back tonight." She shot a smirk at him. "We're going to cheer Clint on." She went to her office. Bucky and Kate were watching the dogs this morning. Thankfully it hadn't been her dog, she would've shot the agent in the liver and watched him die of it slowly.

Pepper came in smiling at her. "Is Lucky all right?"

"He should be fine. We hope. The vet put him onto an IV last night and we had to give him magnesium today. Kate and Bucky are watching him for today." She looked up. "That agent is going to be limping home."

"Good!" She smiled. "Emma's somewhere hiding. Did you bring Conor?"

"No, they're babying their buddy. FRIDAY can't find her?"

"No."

"That means she's probably in a vent or in Bruce's lab. JARVIS could scan everywhere but those."

"I've already asked."

"Did she get out?"

"Not that we can tell."

"Huh." She considered it then called the cookie shop downstairs. "Is baby Thor down there?" she asked. She smiled. "Thanks." She hung up. "She's at the ice cream place downstairs. The cookie shop said she tried to talk them into giving her cookies since some day she'd be the queen of Asgard."

Pepper sighed, calling Thor to tell him that. That was a Thor level problem to solve.

"Emma is a cuddly little version of hell raising," Darcy said, smiling at her. "I'm not ready for that yet, that's why I don't have kids."

"I didn't because I had to pay too much attention to Tony," Pepper said. "Thank you for making him eat."

"I made too many muffins thanks to needing something to do while Lucky napped."

"I'd do the same thing, only I can't really cook," Pepper said. "Let me go back to my office and paperwork."

"You can hide from them in here," Darcy said with a smile. "I'm going over the next three requests for grant money." She handed one over. "That's promising but I know that they're not going to be able to do that. The neighborhood would run them out."

Pepper looked it over, grimacing. "Why would they want to do that?"

"It might help some kids."

"Vo-techs are free."

"Yeah but they have admission standards. If you've been kicked out of a regular high school can you go to one of them?"

"I don't know," she admitted. "I read that recent studies show minority kids get kicked out of school nearly three times as often as white kids."

Darcy nodded. "Yeah, at all levels, starting in preschool unfortunately." She leaned back. "A lot of us hoped that charter schools would help that but a lot of them are proving not to. Did you know one of the online schools doesn't check attendance and kids have missed whole years while being stated to be there so they could get the money?"

"I didn't. That's stupid."

"Yeah but a lot of them are only for money making. One in Florida shut down a month into the school year because they had been evicted from their building and never figured out anything. A few more shut down in the middle of the semester. Of course, the parents didn't get any sort of refund."

"Hell," Pepper said. "Some are good though, right?"

"Yeah, some are really good. Not many in this city but yeah some are good. The prep schools are mostly good but too damn expensive and vouchers to send the kids there suck money out of the public school system, which makes it worse for the remaining students. I'm firmly against home schooling for no reason but in this city it'd have to be prep school or home schooling for my kids."

"I can agree with that. Mine would probably go prep anyway."

"With Tony's attention span?" Darcy asked with a grin.

"Good point. That kid would be hell to handle. We'd have to buy their place in probably." She crossed her legs after handing that back. "The other two?"

She grimaced. "May be promising but he's not very far yet and one that's frankly bullshit." She let her see those.

"This one for breast cancer is good."

"He's not gotten anything practical done. I had another one of those I sent a 'we got your grant application and are looking it over' letter to but haven't finished looking it over for the short list." She found that folder and handed it over. "I included his prior work history because that's ambitious and he's not a PhD."

Pepper looked it over, shaking her head. "That's even more theoretical. I'd want a concrete plan of study and where you were going to start." She looked at the other one. "This one's...still theoretical. An idea I haven't seen before."

"Me either. I tend to make lists of not related to our mission, but maybe promising; promising but looks weird to me; promising for the short list, but not right somehow; and my shortlist." She let her see those. One got handed back. "I wasn't sure since that looks good, and it looks like he's got good ideas, but it wasn't covered in the mission for the foundation."

"It's not, but Tony might like that."

"I figured I'd run those by you about every three weeks. A month turnaround on grant applications is about standard, up to six weeks. Sooner if you can. I've only greenlit one donation automatically because it's one you've granted before and their files say to automatically give."

Pepper nodded. "We have a few of those but I still want to look those over." Darcy pulled it out of her filing cabinet to hand over. "Oh, them. Yeah, we greenlight her automatically. She's got some really promising research going on and she does take in interns." Darcy smiled, showing her the greenlight amount of five thousand, though she had asked for fifteen. "That's not a bad idea. Tony has to sign off on the award letters."

"I've already put those in front of him and the ones for the awards given out at the luncheon. Plus two other science ones that came here instead of to him with a post-it on the top to point that out." She grinned. He glared at me for putting papers on his desk."

"He does to me too. I'll make sure he's looked those over tonight." She handed them back. "No on those." She got into the other files, handing off a few more. "Nos."

Darcy held up one. "She's on the automatic list too."

Pepper took it back to look over. "Why?"

"I don't know. That was done before me." She pulled up their file, letting Pepper see it. She pulled another one too. "That one's further down."

Pepper looked at that first one, comparing it to the new request. "She hasn't shown any results."

"She's on the yearly shortlist too, Pepper."

"Huh. I want to look into that. We might have to visit." She put them aside and went back to it. One more got handed over for the no pile. The other long term file got read through when she came to that one, frowning. "Why did we grant them at all?"

"I don't know," Darcy said with a shrug. "They weren't more than a notation like the rest on the old worker's file." She pulled that out and let Pepper see it.

"No, we'll be visiting them too," she said. She added one more to that file. "I have no idea what they wanted it for. It's not even in geek or scientist, it's in weird language." She looked at the others, handing back a small stack. "Definitely." Darcy smiled, putting them in one pile with a post it. "Maybe. Let me look them over and if we have long term files on them I'd want to see them first." Darcy pulled the ones that had them and let her have those. So a few more yeses, two more to visit. That was a good sorting.

One just got a confused look so Pepper took it to hand to Tony. "I think this is yours, not your mom's foundation. Did you sign those grant award letters?" He pointed and she looked them over, taking one out. "One of our green light ones looks weird so I'm going to visit." She walked over to kiss him on the cheek. "Those are award letters, Tony, and two grant applications that came to the foundation instead of you." He nodded, still tinkering. "Okay, try to get them to me by tomorrow? We'll need them set up before we award them."

"I can do that, Pep. Thanks for nagging."

"Not a problem." She went back up to her office to have her assistant set up visits with those groups. Darcy had already warned them that they were going to visit and took suggestions for when, pending Pepper's schedule. It was on her desk. "That's good. I can handle all but one of those. I'll be in Japan at the expo." She had her assistant call to change the date on that one.

***

Darcy paid for her cab and got out, wandering over to sit with Kate and Clint. The dogs were all curled up next to them on the front stoop. "The asshole tried to get my accounts locked again," she said in greeting. "I sicced Brian on him and he had fun getting it corrected. So I'm on cash until tomorrow or the next day." They patted her on the knees. "We went to visit one of the groups that wanted grants. They had patients being kept hostage." Clint stared at her. She nodded. "Yeah. Drugged out of their minds, on experimental meds for their cancers, and supposedly in a private clinic that was filthy and horrible. Pepper called adult protective services." Kate hugged her. She hugged her back.

"We stayed long enough for the social worker to get there and nearly get shot for it. She wasn't amused. The NYPD wasn't amused. The hospital we got them transferred to wasn't amused at their treatments. So hopefully they'll still get better." She slumped, looking at Kate then at Clint. "By the way, a SHIELD agent showed up pretending to be an officer. It was that perky brunette that used to follow Jane around after you guys left in Arizona."

"We didn't leave a watcher," he said.

"Yeah you did. We spotted her often."

"Huh. I don't think we left anyone." He sent that message in. "Where was that clinic?" Darcy took his phone to type that into it then handed it back. He read the message back. "Coulson said he did not leave a watching agent there and she was a SHIELD agent so probably dirty. He will figure that out."

"Great. Just a bit weird." She looked at Kate. "Is my apartment a mess or something?"

"No. We just wanted some fresh air." Darcy nodded and they settled in to wait for a bit. That agent was back to sneak around the neighborhood as their watching agent. Bobbi had sent him back. Clint smirked and handed over his phone as he got up to go talk to him.

Kate looked when it rang. "Bobbi said she wasn't sure," she called.

"Yeah, I am." He smirked at the agent. "You poisoned my dog. Even HYDRA hasn't been that low. Even *AIM* wasn't *that* low." The guy flinched and took a swing at him. Clint punched him back. And kept punching.

One of the mafia guys came out of the pizza place and looked at them. "Bro, is he a problem?" he called.

Kate smiled and waved. "He poisoned Lucky because supposedly the dog was why Clint didn't go back to SHIELD."

The mafia guy waved a hand. "You have fun, Bro. We know you're like Cookie Lady and nearly psychotic over your dog. Just don't make a mess we'll have to clean up." He went back inside. A few more were watching the fight but it was just entertainment.

"Clinton Barton!" Miss Elizabeth called as she walked out. "Why are you beating that stupid young thing?"

"Miss Elizabeth, he poisoned Lucky," Darcy called.

"Well, fuck him then. Don't get no press and no cops here. We don't need that tonight. It should be quiet tonight." She went back inside to tell the neighbors. More people came out to watch the fight.

Clint smirked at him. "I'd never kill you. Over too soon. You've got *years* of paying back for hurting my dog." The guy tried to crawl away but he wasn't going anywhere. Clint stomped on an unbroken leg, breaking it in two places. "Seriously, you thought I was as shittily trained as you are?" The agent was pushing his emergency button. "If you think your buddies will come help you, I'd be shocked if they were allowed to. Bobbi knows you did it." The guy was sobbing like he was being tortured. Clint smirked. "Now, let's talk like men. So far you haven't been able to yet. Maybe I should break a few more bones?" he asked when all he got was sobbing. An officer pulled up the street and stopped, standing up in his car's doorway. "Don't worry, Officer. This agent tried to poison my dog." He grinned. "We're having a talk."

"Take it out of the street, Hawkeye."

"I don't want him to bleed in my apartment. I'd have to clean it up." He looked down at him. A single agent walked up the street. He stared at him. "Coulson," he said with a nod.

He nodded back, looking at the agent. "Explain yourself," he said quietly and calmly. The guy sobbed while telling him what he had done. "Nice confession. Officer." He pointed. "The FBI will be coming for him soon as we use their Internal Affairs people." He looked at Clint. "Is Lucky going to be all right?"

"We think so."

"Good. Go pet your dog, Clint." He spotted someone. "I heard he was alive. Let me know if he's a problem as well." He stared at Clint. "Do try to behave," he said quietly. "I'll allow it this time."

"If there's a next time I'll bury 'em."

"Granted. Try to calm down, Clint. Before you catch Darcy's evil mood." He walked him back there. "Darcy, your funds are once again unlocked. Your lawyer is nearly a super villain." She grinned. "I'm impressed with that man. I need to offer him a job." He walked off. "Though questions were raised about why you had off-shore accounts."

"For this very reason," she said dryly. "The same as I keep cash in my personal safe for that reason."

"Excellent." He waved. "He'll be paying you both back for the vet bills, Clint." He went back to his car and drove off. The agent was crying on the officer, who was getting him removed to an ER first. The officer filed a report and the higher ups just said 'you don't mess with someone's pet'. So it was good.

Clint petted his dog, smiling at him. "You'll be just fine, Lucky." Lucky lapped him and put his head back down. "Please don't need the vet's again, okay?" Lucky whoofed and went back to sleep.

Darcy rubbed his arm. "If so, we'll make sure he's honored," she said quietly. He nodded, sitting down again. "Though if we have to, we'll ask Thor if he knows how to heal dogs." He grinned and relaxed. Conor got up with a stretch and got petted by all them on his way to pee in the alley then he came back to lay with Lucky again. It was making their buddy feel better. Cutey was letting Lucky lay his head on her side so they were going to take care of their friend. Darcy looked back then at him. "Are you taking him tomorrow?"

"I brought him in today because Cutey pulled his IV line. The vet was pleased that the other two weren't ignoring him, felt it'd help him more. He said he's getting better but it'll be at least a week before he's stronger again." She rubbed his arm again. "I have no idea what I'm doing otherwise."

"Ask Thor, maybe he knows something about animals?"

"Yeah, maybe." He petted the dogs, paying special attention to his. Lucky didn't wake up and he nearly panicked but Lucky glared at him after a few more pets. "Just checking."

"He can come back to my place, Clint. It's bigger."

"I can host the dogs, Darcy. They can sleep with me."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'm good. Thanks though." She grinned. Lucky shifted and Clint got him up, taking him to the alley to pee. Lucky couldn't stand up on his own and Clint was mentally wincing but they'd handle it. Darcy got up and went up to get them some food, bringing it back. She had picked up some on the way home from a pet store. "For sick dogs?"

"Yeah. I went to one of those hipster pet stores. It's grain free and has good, light proteins for easy digestion. They usually suggest it for older dogs. He also suggested we give him filtered water in case."

"I've bee using bottled stuff so it's already filtered. Did you tell them everything?"

"Just that a jealous asshole had poisoned your dog." She put down a bowl for the other two. They let Lucky eat first then ate their own. Conor nudged Lucky's neck a few times, earning a tired sounding bark but they ate. Lucky slurped some water, then climbed into Clint's lap to cuddle. Clint hugged him, petting him while the other two got their own humans for now.

Bucky walked over and looked. "Is he getting better?"

"The vet said so."

"That's good. They'd miss their helper." He petted Lucky, getting a gentle lap. "You're a good boy, Lucky."

"He's a very good and smart boy," Kate agreed.

"He is," Darcy agreed. "A very good boy." Lucky wagged his tail but kept himself on Clint's lap. "Is he chilly?"

"No, not that I can tell." Clint looked at his dog. "You'll get better. Kate would miss you pouncing her." Lucky lapped him and he petted him again. "Good boy." Lucky settled in to suck up attention. Darcy got up to get the next IV bag and change it out for Clint since he was so comfortable. "Thanks."

"Not a problem." She sat down beside her dog, getting puppy cuddles too. "It'll be okay, Conor."

Bucky looked at her then at Clint. "Let me know if you need me to watch over him again."

"I'm home tomorrow so it should be okay unless we get an attack. If so, we'll figure it out."

"Good with me." He sat on a lower step, getting his hair lapped by Cutey. "Hi to you too, dog." He petted her, which meant she jumped down to sit on him instead. He shook his head but petted her. Kate was smiling but she was young.

Clint looked at Lucky, who lapped him again. "Yeah, she's in love with his arm." Lucky barked and cuddled in, sticking his muzzle into Clint's shirt. "Sure, you do that. The alley smells today."

***

Darcy came in late the next morning, with Lucky. "Sorry, Pepper," she called into her office as she carried Lucky past it. She put him into her chair then set out the stuff in her bag, giving him a nice resting spot beside her. "There you go, Lucky, and your daddy will be back in a few hours." She petted over his head, making him pant and wag in happiness. "Good boy." She got some of her bottled water into a bowl she brought and set out a bowl of food too. "There. You nap there and I'll fuss over you while I read stuff. Okay?" He barked. She settled on the floor near him to read him the files. He liked that.

Pepper came to the door, staring at them. "Why are you on the floor?" She pointed at the blond dog. "Aww. Is he still sick?"

"Yeah. It's probably going to be a few more days before he's back to perky." She looked up. "Everyone else is fighting. Conor and Cutey ran off as soon as they came in and one of the guards said they'd bring them back. They went for Emma."

"That's fine." She leaned on the door frame. "Did he find out who did it?"

"And beat the living fuck out of him." She smiled.

"Good." She came in to pet Lucky, getting a gentle lap back. "You're a good boy." He barked and laid back down, letting Darcy pet him while she read. "Will you be able to handle it?"

"Yeah, I can change IV bags." She pointed at it. "We're good at it now. If not, his vet is about sixteen blocks away."

"That's fine. He's never been any problem, or the other dogs." She looked. "Doggy diaper?"

"He's not really able to walk right to go pee outside." She grimaced. "I've had to clean up some nasty messes thanks to Conor getting into the fridge. His won't be a problem."

"Okay. Let me know if you need a break. We have some dog loving people who'd probably be willing to pet him."

"Thanks, Pepper." She smiled, looking at Lucky. "See, everyone loves you." She heard a bark. "Cutey, in here." She trotted in with a piece of torn clothes, presenting it to Pepper, before wiggling her way under Lucky's head. He lapped her but used her as a pillow.

Pepper smiled. "That's so adorable." Conor came jogging in and flopped down behind Lucky to rest his head on Lucky's shoulder and nap there. "Very nice, Conor." She looked at the fabric. "I wonder who that belongs to. FRIDAY?"

"The smaller dog bit someone trying to get near Emma," the AI said.

"Her name's Cutey," Darcy said, looking up. "The bigger one is mine and named Conor, after the myth, FRIDAY."

"That's charming. Cutey bit someone who was staring down at Emma and sneering. Emma was sniffling so Cutey launched herself at them and bit their arm. He ran off screaming. Cutey just huffed and sniffed the girl before coming down to present her trophy. Conor guarded her from the human coming closer."

"She's a good dog." She petted all three of them. "Very nice to protect Emma, guys."

Pepper smiled. "That's a very good job." She got up. "I'll be back in a while." She went to find Jane, who was talking to her daughter. "Who was it that the dog bit?"

Jane stared at her. "An agent who was glaring at her for wandering."

Pepper smiled. "The dogs are highly protective."

"He's vowing to get that dog."

"I'm pretty sure Bishop can protect her own dog. If not, Darcy can." She hugged Emma. "You can visit with the two dogs later. Lucky's sick so he has to nap."

Emma nodded, looking serious. "I'll be really careful around them."

"Good girl. Let me find that agent and yell at them." She went to find Hill to talk to her about it. She held up the piece of fabric. "Sneering agent?"

"Kicked out of the tower," she said, taking the fabric. "Cutey's very protective of her."

"We taught all three dogs to protect Emma. They're all in Darcy's office."

"Of course they are. She's two of them's stepparent."

"Lucky's really sick."

"Ooh. That's bad."

"An agent poisoned him."

"So that's why that one got beaten." She smiled. "He did a good job getting that idiot for it." She held her earpiece. "We have two agents downstairs to threaten Darcy for some reason." She got up to go talk to them. "Yes, gentlemen?" she demanded.

"Are you Darcy Lewis?"

"No, I'm Maria Hill, head of Stark security." She smiled. "Why did you want to talk to Miss Lewis? The tower is presently in a locked down state due to the Avengers level battle going on by Holyoke."

"We really must demand...."

"Unless you have a warrant, you have no right to demand anything," she said bluntly. One held up a paper with a smirk. She took it to look over. "This isn't legal, gentlemen."

"We say it is," he sneered.

"Six months ago I was the senior agent and second-in-command of an agency. It's not legal. It's not signed by a judge. Therefore it's not legal." She handed it to the guard behind her. "I'll be calling your supervisor later, gentlemen. For now, you have no right to access the tower."

Darcy came down, stepping off the elevator and over to Maria. "Let's just settle this now, Hill. If they want me that much, they can tell me why." She looked at them. "Then I'd expect it to be a closed issue. I have shit I gotta do today."

"You're wanted to answer questions about your buying spree," one sneered.

"Not like I can't buy anything I want, gentlemen. I do have money."

"You're an intern, Miss Lewis."

"My proper title is actually Lady d'Avelon," she said dryly. "They decided to give it to me instead of my cousin due to his stepmother's problem causing." She smiled. "Also, Lewis is a use name, gentlemen. My actual name is DeCriths." One stepped back, looking horrified. She smiled at him. "Now, what did you want to know about my generous gift to Culver University?"

"What?" the other one demanded.

"Most of the properties I bought from the auction of Hammer Industries went to my alma mater, Culver. For their new engineering program." She smiled. "That way they can do better in that field. Why are you questioning it?"

"You have no idea what you're messing with, little girl."

She hit him. "I'm not a little anything, pissant. I don't play these games. I'm sure as fuck not scared of you non-agent people. If HYDRA doesn't scare me, why do you think you would? Hell, I've seen tougher gang kids and tutored them. Now, anything else?" She smiled slightly. "Otherwise I have to take my dogs for a walk." That one got up and took a swing at her. Darcy pulled her tazer and zapped him, making him scream as he fell down. "Didn't do any research on me, did you? I'm well know to use my tazer. So who sent you?"

Hill took their pictures and sent it to someone. "They're privately paid and are working for a group that wants Hammer's things for themselves. I don't know why since he had nothing."

"He was all show and nothing sturdy to hold it up," Darcy agreed. "Hell, half those houses he only put furniture where he went. The rest of the house was bare." She looked at the other agent as she discharged the cartridge on her tazer and put it back with a new cartridge. "So?"

"I... You can't prove that."

"I'm pretty sure if Maria Hill says it's so, she'd know." Someone strolled over. "Hey, Clay." She smiled at him.

"Darcy. Are these former Rangers annoying you?" He smirked at them.

"Slightly but I got to zap one." She looked him over, adjusting his collar. "I've got to go get the dogs to walk them if you wanted to talk to me."

"I can do that. Jensen found a new price on your head from Hammer."

"I doubt he'd be able to pay for it considering he had to sell off everything but one car and one house to pay his legal fines." She walked off. "Let me get them." Clay followed her, making her smile. "Lucky's really sick so I've got to carry him but Cutey and Conor have leashes."

"That's fine." She got them from her office and took them down to pee in the parking lot. He looked at Lucky. "He's really weak."

"He got poisoned by an agent."

"That sucks." He petted the dog. "You'll be fine because otherwise she'll cry. That'd be a wreck." The dog barked and sat down, staring at his human stepparent. She smiled and petted him. Clay stuck her with something. He let the illusion fall as he smirked. "Let's see what happens now." A gun bumped his skull. "I doubt you want to do that."

"I don't," Maria Hill said. "Nor do I think I'd care about it afterward even if you were Colonel Clay." She called in and her guard team came out. "You'll have to carry Lucky, he's sick." They got the dogs and Darcy upstairs. They fought to get near the human until they let them surround the human in the elevator. "On your knees." He went down, hands going behind his head. "Jensen, thank you for that head's up." He strolled over with Cougar, looking smug. "Where is the real one?"

"Evacuating a debutante who goes to school by the battle." He hauled the guy up and walked off with him and Cougar. "We'll handle it, Hill. You won't have to get messy." He shot her a grin. "Darcy's special and we like to protect special ones." The guy was groaning but oh well.

Hill went inside to check. Darcy was on her floor near the dogs. Lucky was back on his blanket nest and Cutey was with him while Conor was on his human's chest staring at her head. "Has a medic been in yet?" she asked the guard.

"Not yet. On their way, Hill. Who was that?"

"Minor level assassin pretending to be Colonel Clay. He's probably livid that the guy pretended to be him but two of his team got the guy to talk to." She got out of the way of the paramedic. "They gave her some sort of shot."

"I heard, Hill." She looked at the dog. "I need to check her over." The dog was growling.

"Conor, down," Hill ordered. "Pepper, come get Conor please." Pepper came up the hall. Conor was still growling at the nurse. "Conor," Hill said. "Let us help your human."

Pepper leaned down to get nearer to the dog, who licked her. "Can we check Darcy? Make her feel better?" The guard came closer and Conor let him but not the nurse. "Interesting. Do you have dogs?" she asked. "He doesn't usually react to their scent, or to cats or turtles he's met in the building."

"I have no idea." Lucky got up and limped over to growl at her too. She backed up. "Sure, I'll send someone else." Cutey was now growling. She walked backwards into the hallway. "I'll send a nurse they might like more." She rushed off calling that in.

Pepper looked then at the guard, who shrugged. "That's not normal. Hill?"

"That wasn't," she agreed, getting more guards on their way. Unfortunately their guard set off something to knock them out. She hit her emergency button on the way down.

The guard shook his head. "That won't be good." He looked at the dogs. "You give me shit and I'm killing you all." Cutey lunged at him and he smacked her into a wall but she came back. Then there was a problem behind him. There was Thor. Who was mad. Very, very mad. He hit the same wall.

Thor sneered. "You will not harm those animals or Lady Darcy." He looked down. "I will guard her, dogs. You rest. Lucky, lay down. It was very noble but your human comes soon." Lucky barked and laid down again, groaning some. Thor came over. "Tell me where it hurts and I'll have it checked over." Lucky barked at him. "Ah. That's normal. I can get a warming blanket to help with that stiffness." He looked at the guards showing up. "Lucky requires a heating pad for his hips. They ache. Cutey got hit into a wall but is feisty like her human. Darcy was apparently knocked out and that guard did the others as I appeared."

"We can handle that, Lord Thor," they agreed, calling for help.

"Does anyone know what vet Darcy uses? Or Barton?"

"There's one a few blocks up," a guard said. "I think he goes closer to home though."

Thor looked at the IV, pointing at a tag. "Would that tell you?"

"No but that medicine bottle would," one said, taking it to look at. "Peres. Sixteen blocks up. Take all three." They all wanted Darcy so he looked at Conor. "I'm going to take care of her. You're going to be safe. She'll kill me if you get hurt. So go with the guard." He whined, pawing at her. "I know. It'll be okay." He got their leashes on and let the guard take them all. Another one carried Lucky since he wasn't walking very well and the IV plus medicine bottle. "Okay, let's get Lewis, Potts, and Hill up. Then we'll clean up that idiot." They got them taken to the tower's infirmary and then the not-a-guard got taken in to be talked to.

Darcy gasped awake. "Conor! Lucky! Oh, shit Cutey, where are you!" she yelled.

"Calm down," a nurse yelled as she walked toward her. "They're with their vet. Cutey's a bit banged up for trying to protect you. Lucky's good, the guard said that the vet took them in immediately and will call you later. Calm down."

Darcy panted, holding her chest. "I thought I'd wake up and have someone shooting the dog in front of me."

"No, we'd never do that. It's stupid and that's HYDRA, not us here in Stark." Darcy looked at her. "It's not."

Darcy looked at her. "Good to know." She blinked. "The others?"

"Next door." She pointed. "With Mr. Stark. Are you awake and aware to answer questions?"

"I think so." She pushed her hair back. "I need my phone to call the vet."

"It's probably still in your office. It wasn't on you when you were brought in." She walked off. "Mr. Stark, she's awake."

A guy walked in and stared at her. "What happened this time?"

She stared at him, licking her lips. "I've known Tony Stark since I was a little kid," she said bluntly. "Your mask came from an earlier picture last year." The man sneered at her. "I don't care what you want. You can torture my ass."

"We can shoot your dogs."

"I doubt that." Someone outside shot something that yelped. "That wasn't a dog. Or a child." She stared at him. "So what do you think you'll get from me?"

"We have what we want, Miss Lewis."

"Uh-huh. I doubt that."

"We can do what we want with you."

"I doubt that as well. I have a daily check in with a few people and if I don't, they'll release information. A lot of information. Including on my tracking device."

"We removed that."

"Um, no you didn't. You didn't do major surgery to do that." She smiled slightly. "Sorry. I got hit with a chemical tracker."

"We can still weed that out and block anyone from finding it." He walked off. "You'll do what we want."

"I doubt that. I haven't any other time someone like you tried stupid shit."

"It's not that hard to kill you, which is what we want." He smirked. "That way no one can enact that plan of HYDRA's."

"Well, gee, I'm not the only one it'd work with and I wasn't going to go along with that anyway. I'm not into that. So let me go. Now."

"No. You're where we want you." He laughed as he walked off.

"Stereotypical jackass," she muttered, checking herself. Her bra was missing. That sucked but she could handle it. She still had her underwear on but they were backwards. She switched them around and put them back on. She also checked herself. No one had touched her internally. So that was good. She listened. No Pepper or Hill that she could hear. Someone female screamed but she couldn't help them so she had to push it out of her mind for right now. She calmed herself, concentrating on the area.

It was a hallway with cells. There was a forcefield around the entryway. The curtains hid the walls between cells. She shifted to stretch her neck and arms because they were sore but she could handle this. That chemical tracker should work. If the team was already done it'd be a miracle. So she had to be a self rescuing princess again. That same woman screamed again, closer this time. They were dragging her or something. She looked out the doorway, seeing it was Hill and they were dragging her while something was eating at her back. "You sick fucks," she said. "Wow, I thought HYDRA was bad."

"She is HYDRA."

"She was not HYDRA. You're just sick fucks who like to torture."

"Shut up unless you want to be next."

Darcy smirked at him. "Try it, asshole." He moved toward her and when he deactivated the forcefield she kicked him and moved to free Hill from the other guy. They had missed a very tiny knife in her hemline. It went into the guy's eye and the other one grabbed it from her but Hill was aware enough to grab it and stab that guy for her. "Pepper?" she asked, looking at the device.

"Haven't seen her." She looked around then at Darcy. "Go. You can escape."

Darcy nodded. "We can escape."

"No! I'm not that good right now."

"Okay." Darcy picked up something off a nearby desk and threw it at her then headed off with the small knife. Hill smiled at the letter opener. It was a bigger knife. That would work. Darcy made it into another hallway and looked then up. She took the cover off the vent and climbed up before anyone could grab her. She crawled off.

"We can gas that," someone yelled. Then they screamed. Darcy found a lit spot and looked then frowned. Pepper. On a table. Awake and fighting. Two guys, a girl, and a machine. Darcy kicked the vent and hopped down, taking out the lady and kicking the guy. She sliced one of the wrist restraints, cutting Pepper a bit but it released her. She got the other one that was calling for help. She and Pepper escaped together and headed for fresh air. And found water.

Someone clapped. "Very good. You realize now you can't get free."

Darcy looked at Pepper then at the window. She knocked. Pepper winced but lit up her hand and broke the window. They were flooded back but they could both swim out. They made it to the air before they passed out from lack of oxygen but that was fine. Darcy panted, looking at her. "Hill had some sort of machine on her back that was eating into the muscles. They tried to tell me Hill was HYDRA. They told me they were going to kill me so HYDRA's plan wouldn't happen." She sucked in another deep breath. "This totally sucks and I need to go kill someone."

"Calm down. We'll get rescued," Pepper ordered. The water wasn't ice cold but it was slightly chilly. Ocean temperature. It was salt water so a good indication of where they were. She held up her wrist and pushed on her bracelet, letting whatever was in it go off. "That'll summon Tony." She nodded. "We'll be okay." A boat came near them. "I have no idea who that is." She turned to look. "Might be Coast Guard."

"Not if we're in international waters," Darcy reminded her. "They only do the US waters." She glared at the guy in the boat who was smirking at them. "Really, HYDRA? Right the fuck now?"

"It's a good thing we were wondering and watching this area to see what they were doing. I can save you both," he said smoothly. "For a fee."

"Sure, get me up there," Darcy said dryly, earning a dirty look from Pepper. "What? I can take him out."

"No!" She glared. "I doubt you're needed."

"They're coming, ladies."

"Yeah and they hate you guys," Darcy quipped. A bubble popped up near them and opened to show an inflatable boat. "Charming day today," she told Pepper, who nodded. When the inflatable one came near she poked it with the knife. It punctured and the guy screamed and ranted as it went down.

"They really should know how to swim if they work underwater," Pepper quipped. She looked at the guy on the boat. "Go away."

"Fine, I'll leave you to them. Not like it'll hurt anything in our plans." He strolled off. Pepper grabbed on and climbed up, shocking everyone on the boat and throwing them overboard. She hauled Darcy up, getting a hug. The guy moaned in the water. "How dare you! How did you do that!"

Pepper looked at him. "Sorry, that's need to know." She walked off. "I have no idea how to drive a boat."

"I know a tiny bit but not much," Darcy said. She went up to the wheelhouse, stripping off the wet skirt and shoes. "That's nicer." She set the auto pilot and pointed it at the nearest landmass on the map. "That should let us run into something within a few hours, Pepper."

"That's fine, Darcy. Maybe by then someone nice will rescue us."

Darcy came out with the bat that was in the wheelhouse area, hitting the guy menacing Pepper in the head with it. Then she heaved him overboard. "Fuck 'em. They need to be eaten by sharks. All good villains have sharks," she called, waving at the guy. "That proves you're worthless." The boat moved as soon as she hit the engine button and they didn't exactly speed off but close enough. They sat on the deck and dried off for now while their clothes dried next to them.

Pepper kept looking around. "There's another boat."

Darcy hopped up, waving at them. "Hey! Help! SOS!" The boat changed to come near them. She put back on her damp shirt and Pepper was getting redressed too. "We had to rescue ourselves and we don't know how to drive a boat," she called over, smiling at the Coast Guard guys. "I set the auto pilot to hit the nearest land mass. It was a labeled button."

"All right," the officer said. "We're coming aboard."

"Thank you, God," Pepper agreed, doing up her shirt. They moved out of the way and the guy headed for the wheelhouse, stopping the boat. Pepper sighed, leaning on Darcy's arm. "Oh, good, we're saved."

The captain of the other boat came over. "Ladies, what happened?"

"The only thing we know is we woke up in an underwater lab and had to break out. This boat belonged to a guy who came to taunt us so we took it from him after throwing him overboard, and one of our friends was in the lab still because we couldn't get her free," Darcy told him. "I have no clue who they were or why they were, but damn I still want to go back to kill them and rescue Maria."

"An underwater lab?" the captain demanded. "How did you get free? And why were you naked?"

"We broke a window," Pepper said. "We swam up." The captain sighed. "We can prove it. If you can find out where we were, we might be able to go save Maria Hill."

The captain stared at her. "The lady from SHIELD?"

"Yeah, she's the head of Stark Security now," Darcy said. "And this is Pepper Potts."

"Oh, crap. There's been a call to find you." He went back to his boat to make that call.

His officer came over. "Sir, their system does map. It's set up for noobs to use it."

"Thankfully," Darcy agreed. "Because we don't know how to drive a boat. Or fly."

The officer looked at them then at his captain. "There's been a distress call from an underwater research laboratory down there that's supposedly studying sea life." The captain huffed. "They reported they rescued six people and one body that got thrown overboard by some boat thieves."

"Hey, arrest us for it," Darcy quipped. "We can argue about self defense if we have to."

"Right now, just calm down," the captain ordered. "We have to go check on that one."

"Maria Hill has some sort of machine stuck to her back that was slowly burning her muscles," Darcy told him. "She sent me off to escape since she couldn't."

"Fine. We can check on her." He called that in and got another ship to help. This one was bigger and had medics. And a flying guy in a robotic suit. "That's not Iron Man," the captain muttered.

"No, that's Rhodey," Pepper said calmly. She waved and he landed on their boat. "Rhodey." She hugged him.

He put up his face shield, hugging her. "You're good. That's all that matters. Lewis," he said with a nod.

"Rhodes. Thanks. They still have Hill."

"My suit can go partially underwater but not too deep," he noted, looking at the captain.

"We have suits that can onboard, sir. Who're you?"

"Colonel Rhodes, AKA War Machine."

"Fine. Stay with them and keep them calm."

"I can do that. We'll stay right here while you go check." The captain nodded, calling that in. He looked at Pepper. "You're shaky."

"I blew the window," she said, looking up at him. "It came back."

"Oooh. Okay. We can handle that." He looked up. "Yes, Tony, that's what she said. She's fine. Just damp and shaky. Lewis too. No, they said Hill had some sort of machine attached to her and told them to go." He pointed. "Sit, Lewis." She sat down, curling up around her knees. He huffed. "Stark said to tell you all three dogs are all right. The vet's highly overprotective until Kate stomped in wearing her uniform and bow, and they're all good. Cutey's just bruised, Conor's worrying over them, and Lucky's getting extra meds to help him heal faster." She nodded, then went to throw up over the side of the boat. "Sure, you do that. That's a great thing after an emergency," Rhodey agreed. He put Pepper down, making her sit. "You rest, let me look at the boat." He stomped off to check the boat over. He came out with a pitcher of water, letting Pepper have it first. Darcy took it after her. "Lewis, any injuries?"

"Not that I'm aware of. Thanks." She settled in to rest.

Rhodes answered the radio. "This is Colonel Rhodes." He listened. "Agreed. She's to be taken to Stark tower as soon as you can arrange it please. I've got these two. No, I can only fly one at a time. Yup, sure." He winced as Stark said something. "Stark said he's sending a helicopter for the spare one. That's fine. She's here. Rhodes out." He walked out there. "Pepper, we need to evacuate you now. Just in case." Darcy looked at him. "Stark's sending a helicopter."

She nodded. "That's reasonable. Pepper's more important and she's got to handle the stuff that broke the window. Leave me the water?" Pepper handed it back. "Have a good fly, Pepper."

"You rest, Darcy. Don't get hurt. I'll see you in an hour or so." She let Rhodey pick her up and fly her off.

Darcy sipped some of the water and calmed herself down. She was in the shade so she didn't get more sunburned. She could handle this for an hour or so. As long as there weren't any sea monsters, she'd be fine until someone rescued her. The Coast Guard got there before the helicopter, making her get up to wave at them. "Did you find her?" she called.

"She's been airlifted from the bigger ship, ma'am," the officer that had stopped the boat said. "Come over." Darcy nodded, climbing up on the railing to jump over. He caught her and pulled her onto the boat. "Are you all right?" He rested his wrist against her forehead. "Have you had any water?"

"Some. A few good gulps but I was going slowly so it'd last. I stayed in the shade. Am I burned?"

"Not a lot. Let's get you to the head so you can clean up." He walked her down there. He guarded the door until she came out looking a bit more put together. Still dehydrated but better. "Did they redress you?"

"Yeah, they did. They put my underwear on backwards and took my bra." She followed him to where she could sit and sip some more water, resting in there. They got back to the port and she hugged each of them and thanked them then she got escorted over to get a statement taken. They let her go to an ER, which got her treated for the burn and the dehydration, then released after a few hours to go home. She stepped out of the ER, looking around.

"This is going to suck," she decided. "My wallet's probably back at work." She walked off, patting herself down. She bummed a dollar from the security guard and headed to the bus. It'd get her closer at least. The right borough. Her shoes were still damp and ruined and hurt but she'd deal with it. She had dealt with worse in the past while she and Jane were in the desert. She could handle hiking home in bad shoes.

She got near her neighborhood and found one of the mob guys giving her an odd look. "I don't care," she said, holding up a hand. "I had a shit day. I nearly drowned. All I want is my dog and some valium, and a nap." She was not going to cry. She wasn't that sort of woman.

"Let us get you home, Cookie Lady. Your dog's with Arrow Man's dog again. " She nodded, letting him walk her off. He looked at her feet then at her. "What happened?"

"Someone took me out of the tower with Potts and Hill. I woke up underwater and had to swim up and steal a boat. Which neither of us knew how to drive." She looked up at him. "I..." He nodded, waving one of their guys over. He took his keys and got her home, walking her upstairs and letting her get into her apartment. "Thank you," she said quietly.

"You rest or throw stuff, whatever you do when you gotta do it. It's gonna be real quiet today." She nodded, going inside to shower. She could break down in there. It'd help her feel better too. He walked over, going to Arrow Guy's place. He knocked and stared at Kate. "Cookie Lady could really use her dog tonight."

"Darcy sent you to get the dog? She could call."

"She's not in any shape to call, little one." Kate stiffened. "Plus probably doesn't have her phone since she was nearly drowned. She could really use her mutt though." He walked off. Let them straighten things out.

Kate slammed the door. "Darcy nearly got drowned?" Clint looked confused. She looked over there. "Her lights are on but I don't see her. Her bathroom light's on too." She tried to call and got the voicemail. Kate grimaced, going over there. Darcy had the full security system on so no one could use the code on the door. She climbed around to get to the window that the dogs used to sneak over, getting inside and walking into the bathroom. "Hey, Darcy?" Darcy shrieked and backed away from her. "Oh, hey, no, it's okay. It's just me. It's just Kate." She moved closer slowly, hands up. "It's just me." Darcy panted, nodding at her. "Hey, you okay? You're wearing a hospital bracelet. What happened?" Darcy fell apart, hugging her. "Okay, we can do this." She turned off the water, letting them sit down. "It's all right. We'll figure it out and handle it." She got her calmed down. "C'mon, let's get you into bed."

"I need to dry off. I hate being wet."

"Okay. We can do that." She grabbed a towel, helping Darcy up and dry off. She was clearly sunburned greatly. "Did the hospital see the burns?" Darcy nodded, drying herself off. "Good. Did they send you with meds?" She shook her head. Kate looked her over, noticing the needle mark. "I see the IV mark. Okay, let's get you into bed. Want to go over to Clint's?"

"Not tonight. I...."

"Nope, you don't get to be alone. I can be as cuddly as a puppy is. You know that." She got Darcy into bed and curled up next to her, texting Clint. He sent back an agreement and said he'd figure out what happened and tell her. It took over an hour but he finally texted her what happened in a short report. She grimaced. "That sucks. We'll fix it," she said quietly, petting down Darcy's hair. Clint came over with the dogs and they all cuddled around Darcy. Conor laid on top of his human to sniff her for now. Lucky was right behind her head so that was close enough for the dogs to take care of him. "Seriously?" Kate hissed. Clint nodded, laying behind the dogs and Darcy. "Anything we can do?"

"No. Not yet. Stark's hovering over Pepper."

"He should. She's his and had to use stuff she usually can't." She looked up. "Is Hill all right?"

"She's fine, Darcy. They've already fixed her back up and she's on a rip with the security team." He stroked over her hair too. "I'm told that it'll all be covered up soon."

"No!" She shook her head, sitting up some. "No, it's not going to be covered up."

"It's to protect Pepper," Clint said quietly. "So no one knows that she could do that."

"So we're just going to let them get away with it?"

"They got arrested quietly. Everyone's fine so far." Darcy got up and headed back to the bathroom. "Shit."

Kate looked at him. "I'd be on the news in the morning." Clint winced, nodding and going to talk to her. She petted the dogs. "It's all right. It's just a stress point. We'll handle it." Lucky barked and tried to get up. "Hey, you, lay down for a bit. You know that. The animal doctor said to stay laying down for another few days." She petted him until he flopped onto her chest. "Sure, you snuggle the boobs." He groaned at her petting but he fell asleep pretty quickly. Clint led Darcy back out and she was still unhappy, she was scowling, but she climbed in to pet the dogs and spoil the with some kisses.

Clint laid behind her, cuddling her since she had the dogs. "I agree, it sucks ass. I wouldn't hide it either if it didn't mean Pepper could be attacked for it. They're all arrested or dead. Everyone will be fine. Darcy's staying home tomorrow because she's in no shape to go back to work." Darcy nodded, yawning some. "We'll handle it for now and then deal with shit. Okay?" Kate grimaced but nodded. "Good." He petted his own dog. "You're very spoiled but you deserve it." Darcy smiled and nodded, petting him. "Rest, Darcy. You need to rest." She yawned again and fell asleep petting Lucky and Conor. Cutey was laying above her human's head snoring into her human's hair. So that was a good night.

***

Clint got up in the morning to knocking, going to open the door. He stared at Stark then punched him as hard as he could. Then he slammed the door and went to make coffee.

Stark was working his jaw when he let himself inside. "Is Darcy all right? I sent someone to rescue her."

"You might want to thank the Coast Guard then," Clint said, staring at him. "By the way she's off work for a few days to combat the extreme sunburn and dehydration she's got." He sipped his first cup of coffee. "Her phone's still there and her wallet so can you send them over?"

Stark stared at him. "It wasn't intentional, Barton. You would've cared more about your wife too."

Clint stared at him. "You could've rescued them both." He took another sip, staring at him. "I have never seen that woman cry," he hissed, moving closer to him. "I did and Kate said she did earlier last night. You'd better be damn glad that the Coast Guard came back to check on her and that boat. Now, it's not the time for this. I had to tell her why we couldn't yell at you about Pepper going first last night. You still nearly left her out there to die, Stark."

Tony was shaking his head. "Yeah, you did. Get the ER records." He flung the hospital band at him. "I don't want her to see you this morning. She doesn't need the stress. It's not often that she has to kill someone to get free." Stark winced. "So just go. Send her phone and wallet please. She'll be able to go back to work in about three days."

"Fine. We'll talk about it in a few days." He left, slamming the door.

Clint got Kate a cup of coffee and Darcy some water, bringing it in. "Here. No coffee yet."

"I know. They told me no salt and no caffeine today." She sat up carefully and drank the water down in one gulp. "Damn. I..." She sighed. "I don't want to talk to Tony, you're right."

"I figured I was." He grinned. "Let me get the dogs outside to pee." He poked Lucky, getting a bark back. "Outside time." They all slowly, the other two going with Lucky, went out to the fire escape and peed off it. Then they trudged back inside together to curl up on a chair. It let them fuss over Lucky some more. "That's a good sign." Clint went to make breakfast.

Kate looked at her. "If you want to quit, we'll help you pack the things in your office."

"I don't know." She got up, going to shower again. She itched. It sucked and she itched.

***

Darcy made it back to work with her dog four days after getting back home. She handed over her medical excuse when she walked past Pepper in the hallway but went to her office to get to work. Not like she hadn't done a lot of things from home but she had gotten a nasty email yesterday from Stark.

Pepper came to the doorway. "You were in the hospital yesterday?"

"Yeah. The dehydration wouldn't end." She looked up. "Not that I wasn't working from home but yeah, the dehydration wouldn't quit. I ended up back on an IV last night." She logged into her computer and pulled her files over to look at. Her phone was still there. So was her wallet. They got put into her purse.

"He did send...."

Darcy held up a hand. "I was there for another three hours, Pepper. No, he didn't." She stared at her. "I would've probably realized it. Even on the ride in with the Coast Guard." Pepper winced. "So frankly, I'd rather not see him right now. Though it was nice he didn't even send me my phone and wallet as Clint asked him to when he showed up the next morning to defend himself." She stared at her. "I see we have a visit planned this afternoon. Is it still on?"

"Yes." She walked off, going to talk to Tony. "Did you send someone to pick Darcy up?" He threw his pen and stared at her. "She was there for three hours, Tony."

"I ordered someone to. That's not my fault. I was more concerned about Maria and you."

Pepper handed over the medical excuse. "Three hours?" He glared. She stared back. "The Coast Guard got her off that boat, Tony. How many more hours would it have been?"

"She was safe."

"She's not safe now." Tony sat down, looking petulant. "Seriously. She's still sick, and sunburned." She stared at him, eventually moving over to kiss him on the forehead. "I'm glad you evacuated me before I did something that would've killed me. I'm glad you got Maria out of there fast enough to heal her too. But if I was Darcy I'd be mad too. She could've died out there before the ship got back. For that matter, she could've left me there. Hill told her to escape by herself. She found me on the way and saved me." He slumped. "You forgot her."

"I didn't."

"FRIDAY, when did Tony tell someone to get Darcy off that ship?"

"After Maria Hill was out of surgery, ma'am," the AI said quietly.

Tony looked up. "I shouted at one of the guards to get her before then. Or Rhodey could've."

"He was out of his suit almost as soon as they landed and the guard you told that to was walking away. He didn't order any such thing, sir." Tony shook his head with a groan. "When you finally turned your attention to anything else, it was nearly seven that night."

"In the condition Darcy was in, would she have lasted that long?" Pepper asked.

"Don't answer that," Tony ordered. "I don't want that guilt on me." He stared at her.

She hugged him. "You have to make some amends, Tony. She doesn't want to talk to you and she was frosty to me. She was back in the ER last night with another dehydration problem. They didn't want her here today." He stared at her. "I don't know what to do but I think you need to apologize."

"I can do that."

"Miss Lewis is not in her office," the AI said. "She's been escorted down to the security office to go over what happened with the agents who were debriefing Maria Hill, sir. She'll be back in a bit if you wanted to make an appointment. Though it is recommended that she eat before the visit to the charity this afternoon. Her vitals are still off."

"Why are they still off?" Pepper asked. "Does she know that?"

"Yes, she is paying attention to it and drinking tea today instead of her usual amount of coffee," the AI said.

Pepper sighed as she got up and headed down to the security office. An agent got in her way. "Move. Now. This is my building and you are in my way."

"It's a private conference, Miss. I can't allow you in there." Stark walked around her and hauled the agent off. "Sir, let me go before I arrest you."

"Shut up and get out of my building, pissant. Now. Before I have you shot." Natasha walked up the hall in the other direction. "Shove him out a window, Natasha."

"Gladly," she said, grimacing at him. He was glaring at her. She hauled him off.

Stark walked into the security office, finding Hill in her desk chair and the other agent begging on the floor. "If you had called, I would've shoved him out a window as well." He looked at Darcy. "I thought I told someone."

She glared at him. "I...not right now, Tony. I'm really not in the mood for it." He slumped but walked off. She looked at Hill. "We could've come back for you."

"Shut up," Hill said. "I bought you time to escape. I can handle that better than you can, Darcy." She stared at her. Darcy glared back. "Seriously, I can. I'm trained to. You're not. We all hope nice young women like you never have to go through torture. It's better that I take it and you get away to send help than the other way around." She stared at her. "Are you going to forgive him?"

"Not right now. I'm still healing and I'm not really pleased with a lot of things," she admitted. "This totally sucks and I should've just tried to get you free and we all escape."

"You can't always do it."

"No but me leaving someone behind doesn't sit well with me either." She sipped her tea.

Hill stared at her. "No coffee?"

"Still dehydrated."

"Why? Did they find you had been dosed?"

"Not that anyone's said." She shrugged. "It's part of the sunburn stuff."

Hill stared at her. "Peters." He leaned in a moment later. "Take Darcy to our infirmary to run bloodwork. Tell them what happened and after four days she's still dehydrated."

"I was in the ER last night," Darcy told her. "On an IV. I'll be fine."

Peters looked at her. "I don't argue with the boss, Lewis. C'mon. Let's see if they gave you something that's trying to kill you." He helped her up and to the infirmary. One of the nurses came out and Darcy flinched away from her. "Okay, not her," he agreed. Another person came out when the nurse huffed off. "Doctor, I'm sure you've heard about Miss Lewis and what happened?"

"I did," he agreed, looking her over. "Do you usually burn that way?"

"No, but it was a good few hours on the boat. I got to the ER once I was rescued and again last night for dehydration when Clint thought I was going to pass out." She put down her tea mug. "I'm being good, tea instead of my usual coffee, lots of water, cooler baths. Loose clothes."

"Okay, so let's run some bloodwork. Where did you go?" She handed over both hospital bracelets. "You carried these?"

"Clint tucked them into my purse this morning in case I needed it to go with my medical excuse."

"That's fine. How long ago?"

"Four days."

"Hmm. That's worrying." He set her on an exam table and got things to draw blood. "I'm going to be invasive and nosy." He stared at her until she got the hint he had given.

"I was clearly redressed and searched but I couldn't find any evidence of them touching me sexually," Darcy said. "My underwear was on backwards and my bra was missing."

"Okay." He made that note. "Any noticed shot marks?"

"I wasn't really paying attention. At first, once we stole that boat from the HYDRA guy, we both stripped down so we weren't in wet clothes but we stayed out of the sun when we could. I know Pepper would burn, she's a redhead."

"She did," he agreed. "She told me that same thing as well." He checked her eyes and mouth. "You're drinking water?"

"Two gatorades so far this morning, three bottles of water. One mug of green tea to fight off the caffeine withdrawal."

"Good. Though in the future you may want to try powerade instead. It seems to be received better."

"The local store doesn't sell it or I might have. I had to drink blue gatorade."

"That's fine." He watched her yawn. The first bloodwork results came back. "You were dosed with something. There's no way that value is normal." He let her see it.

She looked at him. "Hormone birth control shot and pills. Just in case."

"Interesting. Did your GYN agree?" She nodded. "When did you get your last shot?"

She looked at her phone, frowning some. "Last month on the sixteenth." She looked up.

He thought about it. "Still too high."

"They said they were going to kill me so the breeding plan I was fighting against would never happen."

"Did they say why they did that to Agent Hill?" Peters asked.

"One of them thought she was HYDRA. I protested and they told me I was stupid and they were going to kill me anyway," Darcy said. "I found Pepper on the way out through the vent system."

The doctor nodded. "Okay. How long was the swim?"

"I was about to gasp a breath no matter what. The water was dark medium blue around us and a lot lighter on top if that helps."

"So probably at least twenty feet," Peters said. "Probably deeper. How long can you hold your breath?"

"Not too long. I never trained to do that."

"So probably not over fifty feet," the doctor agreed. "Hmm." He got the other results, frowning at them. "Your body is greatly out of whack, young lady." He looked over. "Lay her down." The guard moved to lay her back, making her moan and hold her head. "Is that why you went to the ER last night?" She nodded slightly. "Dizzy? Room spins?"

"Room spins definitely. It's like I drank a crapload of tequila without food first but I know I'm not drunk."

"No you're not." He checked her ears and eyes again. "Let me run one more blood test." He ran that one and came back to listen to her heart. "What did they do last night?"

"IV fluids. They shot something into it they said was vitamins," she said quietly. Her arm flopped over her eyes. "This sucks. The room's still spinning."

"I can tell that. Let us know if you need to vomit, that way we can get you onto your side." She nodded slightly. He got the new results back, frowning at it. "Someone dosed you with something," he decided. "I have a whole lot of wrong in my hands." He scowled. "I'm going to start a new IV." She pointed at her arm. "I can stick you there. It'll be just simple fluids." She nodded slightly. "Anyone I should notify?"

"My dog's in my office."

"He followed us down here," Peters said. "He's sitting outside the room staring at us."

"I remember hearing him growl at whoever took us," Darcy said. "And Cutey."

"By the film, even Lucky got up to growl at him, IV and all," Peters said.

The doctor looked at him. "Why was the dog on an IV?"

"An agent poisoned him," Darcy said, blinking up at him by moving her arm. "He goes to Dr. Peres about sixteen blocks away. Something about magnesium and he needed to flush his system."

"That looks familiar. Let me call that veterinarian to see what sort it was." He walked off to look that one up and call. The vet had to call Barton to get an okay to release that information but he got it and told him what it was. The doctor took a finger stick to run a single drop test and came up. "You got the same thing the dog did." Darcy blinked at him. "It looks like it's more recent than the dog's." She groaned. "I'll let Agent Barton know in case it relates back to his dog's poisoning." He went to look up that poison, finding Banner and Natasha waiting. "Sick?" he asked them. "If not, I need the book of poisons behind you." Natasha handed it over. "Are we ill?"

"What did they give her?" Natasha asked.

"It appears to be the same thing the dog got."

"I'll make sure they tested her dog and Bishop's dog for it," Natasha said. "Did they give it then or earlier?"

"I have no idea," the doctor admitted. "Find out for me, will you?" He walked off looking up that poison. "Looks like we need to do the same thing for you. Magnesium and fluids." Darcy was clearly out cold. "Did she pass out?" The guard nodded. "All right. See if you can tell if they gave it to her before they removed her."

"I've called in. They gave her some sort of sedative. We had to haul her and the dogs back inside. No other druggings noted."

"That's good to know. Did they know what it was?"

"They took blood."

He went to find that and came back nodding. "It was in there." He looked at the source again then went to add something to her IV. "She's staying tonight."

"I'll let Agent Barton know so he can gather her dog."

"Thank you." He watched the guard go report that to Hill and make that call. "You've had a hell of a month, young lady," he told Darcy. "You'll get better faster than the dog because we can force fluids faster with you." The doctor went to make notes and list other people he wanted to test for that poison. By the time he went back to check on Darcy one of them was sitting on the foot of Darcy's bed staring at her. "Arm, young lady?" She looked at him. "She got the same poison as the dog." Kate took off her top and let him have her arm vein. "You may want to have that redesigned so we don't have to strip you down to take blood."

"This isn't my uniform top, Doc." She smiled. "It's just cute."

"Even better." He went to have it run. Clint stomped in so he grabbed him to test his blood then let him go. He came back after they ran. "Neither of you have it." Clint sighed, nodding.

"How long?" Clint asked. "After my dog?"

"Four to five days?"

"So after my dog. I wonder if I get to kill that agent this time." Hill limped in. "Shouldn't you be in one of these beds?" he asked her.

"Shut up, Barton. What happened?"

"Same poison as my dog. Can I kill him this time?"

"He's still in the jail so it wasn't him. I'm wondering if those idiots were the same people." Darcy moaned. "I'm going to send an agent down there to look through that lab. Is she staying here tonight?" The doctor nodded. "That's fine, I'll send her dog's friends up."

"Cutey's probably on Natasha or Bruce," Kate told her.

Hill nodded. "Natasha locked her out of the gym so she's staring through the window at them sparring." She went to get the dogs. "Cutey, Lucky, the humans need you in the human vet place." She pointed. "Darcy's sick." Cutey stared at her. She picked her up and carried her down there, Lucky limping after her. She slowed down to make sure Lucky didn't have to catch up. She liked that dog, it was plucky and kept Barton out of her hair. Lucky growled and tried to get into a chair to get onto the bed. Clint put him onto it. He laid down on his step-human's chest. Conor rushed in and laid down on her side, staring up at her. Cutey got free by wiggling and settled in her human's lap on the foot of the bed. She also looked up and barked at the doctor, sniffing him.

The doctor stared at her then nodded. "They're good dogs and we heard rumors about dog'vengers." He walked off shaking his head.

"They're good at it," Clint agreed.

Hill nodded. "There's plenty of days I'd want Lucky as an agent instead of half of the ones I used to know." She limped off. "Don't forget to eat."

"I won't." He sat down, staring at the body and dogs. Kate was settled in her spot. They could trade later. A nurse came in and Cutey barked and kept barking until she walked backwards out of the room. "Sorry but I don't know why she hates you."

"Me either," she agreed. "I have her IV replacement." The doctor strolled in to grab the bag and look at it then take it back to put back. He brought in another one, letting it be hung up since Clint was on that side. The nurse sighed but walked off. The doctor smiled.

"I can change them. I did on Lucky's for days."

"Thank you." He left them to watch over Darcy. He remembered Barton from the SHIELD infirmary. He was peaceful and not trying to get away or injure nurses so they'd let him do pretty much whatever he wanted to do. Bishop was probably about as bad so that was settling them down nicely. They even took turns getting up to take the dogs out or to get things like coffee and food.

They needed Lewis back during their SHIELD days to keep people calm in their infirmary.

***

Darcy woke up to a furry weight on her chest, blinking at her dog. "I love you too, Conor. You know why? You can get mommy coffee." He barked and licked her until she had to groan and push him away to cuddle him. "I love you too, barks a lot." He snuggled in and let his human pet him. She looked around. "Did they take your buddies home?"

The doctor leaned in. "They're being pet sat upstairs by Romanoff while you wake up." He grinned. "Still dizzy? Room spins?"

"Really thirsty."

"You have two more days of IV fluids to rinse out your kidneys."

"Coffee?"

"Tea," he said smugly.

She grinned. "Please?"

"Gladly. We need to draw more blood. You can have some then." He came in to do that. "Good news, you'll heal. You'll need a few more IV's but you're going to be fine."

"That's great," she agreed quietly. "What happened?"

"You got the same thing the blond dog did." He grimaced. "Barton's went on a vendetta to find out who did it and refused to let anyone help him do it."

"Wow, he was way mad. Do I get to kick them?"

"Not sure," he admitted. "You can ask him when I let him back in, after a shower and some real food." She frowned at him. "He hasn't really moved except when it was his turn to walk the dogs." She smiled but drifted off again. He put a warming mug of tea next to her and left to run the blood. When the next Avenger came in it wasn't one of the usual ones. He recognized him but still. "Mr. Altman?"

"Bishop asked me to watch over her until she got back with Barton, doctor. Is she awake?"

"Not at the moment. When she does, she can have the tea beside her." He nodded, settling in a chair to read on his tablet. The dog sniffed at him but let him sit there so apparently it was all right. He had asked the security team to reclear anyone the dogs barked at. They had found a few snakes in his infirmary.

Natasha strolled in with Lucky limping beside her and Cutey walking ahead properly on a leash. She put the dogs on the bed, making Conor bark at them and snuggle with them. "Good boy, Conor." She petted him too. "You are an excellent boy to guard your human that way." She looked at Altman. "Bishop?" He nodded with a grimace. "That's reasonable." She sat on the foot of the bed. "They have done a good job training the dogs. Cutey even acts like a normal dog most of the time." The young man laughed, getting up to give her time to sit there. She looked at Darcy, sighing a bit at the end. "You really must wake up, Darcy."

"She did for a few minutes," the doctor called. "Have her drink the tea when she gets up again."

"I will do so." She stared at Darcy, willing her to wake up again. Usually it worked faster but she did get a response in about a half-hour. She smiled at the blinking she got. "Tea beside you."

"You're sitting with me?" she asked.

"Yes. Clint asked. Kate asked one of her teammates as well." She pointed. "Tea." Darcy looked then pulled it over to drink. "The dogs are the most amusing thing, even Emma says so." Darcy grinned, settling herself down again. "I have been asked by Bruce to talk to you about Stark."

Darcy held up a hand. "I don't think I can yet."

"I understand the reasons but he's upset as well and wants to apologize."

Darcy looked at her. "Is he actually sorry?"

She tipped her head. "I would assume so. No one can make him apologize if he wasn't. Not even Pepper has that power over him." She stared at Darcy. "Would you listen?"

"Maybe. I'm still sick."

"We can tell. You're not spunky like usual." She stared at her. "I don't believe he would have left you there."

Darcy stared at her then shook his head. "Should I believe that after three hours?"

Natasha sighed but nodded. "That was a long time," she agreed. "Were you in danger?"

"Why did the Coast Guard come back?"

"To claim the boat. Their report said they were shocked you were still there. They did not airlift you."

"We were within an hour of the harbor. They got me to an ER instead. Then I had to bum a buck to get the bus closer to home. One of the mob guys gave me a ride when he spotted me. I'm guessing he went to tell Clint I needed my dog."

"I can see how you were disappointed and upset," Natasha said. "I still do not believe he would have left you out there. As you were that close, the Coast Guard probably would've run into you again."

"An hour is nearly in international waters," Darcy told her. "If the ship had drifted, it would've went that way with the tides."

"I did not think of that." She slumped, staring at her. She considered it. "I would be mad but would you listen to an apology to keep the peace?"

"Stark would hate that. It'd like being babied."

"True. I had not considered it." She stared at her. "You know he's probably heard all this."

"I'm guessing he might if he was paying attention but that's up to him, not up to me."

"Good point." She stood up, putting Cutey up beside Darcy's head. "Do try to get better."

"I'm hoping I do. I'd hate to be in bed for the rest of my life, Natasha."

"That would be sad. You'd miss out on much." She smiled at her. "Try to rest." Darcy nodded and let herself drift off again. Natasha went upstairs, finding Clint and Kate gulping sports drinks in the kitchen and Stark staring at the tv with the infirmary's picture on it. She looked at Clint. "Your dogs are down there. I let them pee in the atrium about a half-hour ago."

Kate smiled at her. "Thanks, Natasha. Is she better?"

"She's been awake a few times. We just talked. The dogs are all cuddling her. The vet should check Lucky's back hips. He's still limping."

"He's got some muscle aches and enjoyed my heating pad," Clint said. He put down the empty bottle. "I'll go watch over her. Kate?"

"Yup. I'll let Teddy go home." She walked off, heading down there. She was sweaty but that was fine for now. Clint followed.

"Hawkass," Stark called quietly, getting Clint's attention. "Let me know when I can come down to talk to her?"

"Yeah, I can do that. Probably be late tomorrow by what Lucky went through as he healed."

Stark nodded, letting him go back to his bedside seat. Tony sat there drinking coffee while watching. It was clear they thought of Darcy like family. Maybe a bit more in Clint's case, but still family. The only one Clint fussed over more was his dog. Natasha sat down near him on the sectional couch, getting a look. "Does he fuss over you that way?"

"I don't allow anyone to hover that way. It annoys me." She watched them. "The dogs are very good to them."

"They are. I've never met a dog as smart as Lucky. Or as fussy as Cutey."

"Conor does a good job fussing over her," Natasha told him. "He's always protectively hovering over her."

"True. How many more days did the doctors say?"

"At least two more of IV's." She looked at him. "Were you going to talk to her about moving jobs then?"

"No, if she wants to keep her job, she's got it. Pepper said she does a great job there. She had nightmares about her and Darcy fighting. Darcy's got a job, Natasha."

"Good. That will make her happier probably. Though I'm not sure what she wants to do about her apartment being all the way in Bed-Stuy."

"I think she likes it out there. It's a nice neighborhood. If she has problems they'll help. She likes her neighbors. Really, if she bought a real, nice house she'd probably have others moving in with her so she wasn't all alone." He shifted. "Why did she buy the vacation homes?"

"Three were in Hammer's properties. One has been hers since she inherited it from her uncle. The other two...I'm not sure when she bought them but they're in nice places." The phone on the table rang and she answered it. "Darcy's in the infirmary, Jensen, what's wrong?" She listened. "No, she and Clint's dog both got poisoned by someone. She's fine but healing for a few more days."

She listened, getting comfortable. "That's weird but I do not believe she's interested in selling them back to Justin Hammer. I'd wonder where he got the money from as well. He had to sell everything to get the money for his legal fees." She frowned as she listened. "No, you can tell him she refuses and her legal representative is here in New York. Refer him to them. Yes, that one."

"Tell them to search for hidden safes," Stark said. "Hammer doesn't care about things like houses, they're not that hard to find."

"Stark said to search for safes in the house. That Hammer wouldn't be more than embarrassed to lose a house. Of course. Let us know if you need help figuring out anything you find." She smiled. "That's fine. I'll tell her you said to get better. No, Lucky's fine as well. She got poisoned after Lucky actually. Yes, that day. We're not sure if it was in that shot or from the later kidnaping. No, they managed to rescue themselves and she's fine now, Jensen. No, you can't really help unless you can do underwater exploration."

She smiled. "I didn't think so, you seem very land based. I'll let her know. You all rest. You deserve it after what I heard of last month and send Hammer screaming for his life. We'd all enjoy that." She hung up and called the infirmary. "Clint, the next time she wakes tell her Jensen said to get better faster, he's missing her funny emails, and Hammer tried to talk them into selling the house they're borrowing back to him. I told him to tell Hammer where her lawyer was and to send him screaming into the ocean." Clint clearly said something funny, she laughed. "That's good. Be safe and remember to feed the dogs, Clint." She hung up and put Darcy's phone back in front of them. "He'll tell her."

Kate strolled up a minute later and took the phone. "I miss talking to Jensen. He's the sort of guy I need to flirt with. Before I pick up another guy like Clay." She strolled off, going down there once she had gotten the dog food and bowls from the kitchen. They had some bottled water down there so that was fine.

Stark shook his head but he was smiling. "That's so cute."

"She could use a man like Jensen or Pooch, or even Cougar," Natasha said. Stark nodded. "Maybe they'll introduce her to someone nice."

"Maybe," Stark agreed. "She won't get it around here or with her team."

"Her team all need better taste in who they date," she agreed. "We should find someone to introduce them to." He nodded but ended up shaking his head and smiling. "Go work. I can watch over them." He nodded, going to hug Pepper again. He had nearly lost her. Natasha settled in, splitting the screen with the infirmary's camera and the local news station.

***

Colonel Clay showed up that night, looking less than amused that Jensen had come with him. He looked at Jensen in the elevator. "You go visit with Lewis. I can do this."

Jensen smirked at him. "You got kidnaped and nearly cloned. We all took a vote and you're not allowed to do anything alone for a while. I'll go hug Darcy in a bit." They came off to team dinner. "Hidey ho, people."

"Hey, Jensen," Clint said with a wave. "The infirmary kicked me out so just Kate's down there."

"I'll go hug her in a minute." He smiled at Natasha, handing over an envelope. Clay was giving one to Stark then sitting down in a free chair. He winked at her.

She opened it, moaning in pleasure. "You found treason. That's so pretty, Jensen." She smiled at him. "Very nicely done."

He handed over another envelope. "On the people who were going to clone Clay. Would you like them too?" He grinned. She snatched it to read, moaning for different reasons. "We pretty well destroyed their lab and Pooch did blow up their sample vault after we took those pictures." She looked at them and held one up to Stark, who snatched it to look at.

Stark looked at it then at him. "Who?"

"We think AIM," Clay told him. "The other reason Hammer wanted that house back. Pooch kept tripping on a spot so we found that floor vault. It lists his buyers list and what they were buying." Stark took it to look over, frowning at it. "I figured it was code."

"Oh, so code," he agreed. "Thankfully he uses a simple code that's easy to break because he can barely do math. He probably has a code sheet he has to use to write notations." He tipped his head a few times then smiled. "Unless I'm wrong, General Ross was going to use Hammer to update the Hulk experiment." Bruce stole the book to look at. Then he growled. Stark took it back gently. "If so, we'd stop him, buddy." He flipped through the pages. "Well, that's nice. He was supplying some of HYDRA until they found out his stuff was pieces of shit."

"You're more worried about that than someone trying to clone you?" Natasha asked him.

"Everyone wants a piece of me," he shot back without looking up from the book. "I figure it's a given I was already on the list."

Natasha looked at the last photo then sighed. "And your child?" She held up that picture. Stark slowly stared at her. She handed over the photo. "Two vials. A son and a daughter."

"We blew that vault so high it nearly flew," Jensen quipped with a grin for him. "We made sure all the vials we could find were broken. That way your son with Pepper has to come the natural way and your future daughter with Darcy wouldn't be a dick tease forever."

Stark swallowed. "Thank you," he said with a slight smirk. "That's a great service, Jensen. Are the people who did it alive?"

"We locked them in an empty outbuilding and called Agent May. To get in or out they have to take the explosives off the doorway," Clay told him. "Before they had my kid come into being."

"Did someone take Darcy's eggs?" Natasha asked.

"You can technically make an egg cell or just do a nucleus switch," Bruce told her. "It's not that far off what we can normally do so someone like AIM would have people who could. So all it'd take was a few sample skin cells."

"Which they got when she fell in the shower," Clint said. Bruce nodded he remembered. "Did they have one of me?" he asked the two commandos.

"Apparently they misinterpreted how great you are," Jensen said. "You only had one, they were going to breed you to Skye." Clint shook his head with a sigh. "Probably to harness her gifts."

"Fuck 'em, they're obviously stupid," Clint said. He stuffed his mouth.

Natasha smiled and patted Jensen's arm. "It's good you blew them up for us. It saves me much work." He hugged her around the head and handed over a single picture, making her burst out laughing. "Thank you for that as well, Jensen."

"I figured it'd make your week." He winked. "Let me go cuddle the Darcy." He went down to the infirmary and walked in.

"Captain," a nurse said with a nod.

He grinned. "I'm Jensen, not a Rogers." She gaped. "We know. People always wonder if he's my clone because I am that great." He went into Darcy's room, hugging Kate, making her cuddle back. "Hey, dogs." They all stared at him and Conor barked. "I sure am here to cuddle your human. You guys want to take the Kate kitten outside for walkies?" They barked at Kate and Cutey got up to bounce around her human on Darcy's hair. Kate picked them up and put leashes on them, taking them all outside to pee in the parking lot next door. Jensen sat on the foot of the bed, patting Darcy until she woke up. "You owe us cookies for taking out the sample vault that had your kid with Stark in a vial."

She blinked at him. "Seriously?" He nodded with a grin. "Can I kill 'em?"

"Too late. Maybe."

"Good!" She groaned as she sat up, letting him help by pulling her up. She hugged him. "Thank you for taking out the mean DNA tampering sorts for me."

"You're welcome." He cuddled her. "Are you okay?"

"I'm really nauseous." He laughed but cuddled better. "And I think I need a drink."

"Hey, nurse, the IV's empty," Jensen called. "And can she have some water?"

"Of course. She can drink as much as she wants," the nurse said, coming in with a bottle of water that was opened and the new IV bag. The doctor came in to check the bag before putting it up.

Jensen sipped the water then grimaced, looking at it. "Wow, that's chemicaled." The doctor took it to sniff then run in the lab. Jensen looked at her, shrugging some. "Good thing I'm paranoid."

She cuddled him. "You're sweet and I do owe you guys fudge and cookies and stuff."

He kissed her on the top of the head. "You're a neat girl sort." She snorted but grinned at him, laying back down. "Pooch and the baby said hi. Jolene got jealous that you made us cookies then heard who you were so she's not jealous unless her son likes you more than her."

"I'd never take her son or her man. Little Pooch is much too young to do more than cuddle. He definitely couldn't club with me. And Pooch is safe because he's kinda uptight. Kate might flirt with him, she could use a guy like him, but he's too tense for my type. I need more fun in my life."

"Yes you do." He winced, holding his head. "Wow, pretty colors. Hey, doc, we've got pretty colors from that bottle of water."

"Yes you should," he called back. "It'll be finished in ten minutes. Lay down with her if you have to."

"Sure." He settled in to cuddle her, making her grin and snuggle in. "She's a great cuddly thing." He let her fall back asleep, looking up as Clint came in scowling. "I tested her bottle of water and got dizzy with pretty colors. I'm not poaching even if she is a great cuddly thing."

"She is a great cuddly thing, yeah." He looked at the doctor as he came in. "What was the nurse of questionable talent trying to dose her with this time?"

"Drugs." He held up the scan so Jensen could read it. Jensen snorted but snuggled in better. "We can get you your own bed."

"Clay will come get me in a bit and he can make sure I don't try to fly off a balcony again. The last time I knew I could fly. This time I just want a hug." The dogs ran in and Lucky barked at him. "I'm sorry I took your spot but you can have it back in a few minutes. I'll cuddle you too if you want. The nurse made me feel icky." Lucky huffed but laid on Darcy's chest, getting petted by Jensen too. He shifted over to flop against Jensen's stomach, belly up, and that was happy for them both. Conor got his human's chest again and Cutey got her lap area. That suited her, it had a natural dent to curl up in. Clint petted her so she barked at him but just lapped his hand.

He grinned. "Sure you nap there and protect her from people touching her." Cutey laid her head back down and went to sleep pretty fast. Lucky and Conor were getting sleepy cuddled and they liked that. Clint sat in the chair, stretching out to watch over them. "So drugs, doc?"

"I've already fired her, Barton. She was dragged out of here begging that she really needed the money AIM was going to pay her for genetic material, especially eggs if they could harvest some." He walked off shaking his head. When a guy he didn't know stomped in he stared at him. "Who're you?"

"Clay. Jensen's boss. I'm assuming he's still annoying Lewis."

"No, he tested her bottled water for her and got drugged. He said last time he nearly went flying, this time he's just cuddly."

Clay moaned, staring in the room then at him. "Which one?"

"You can tell him," Jensen called. "He'll just laugh and I'll pout and set him up on kinky websites again for it." Clint laughed. "I do. The female bears club site really loves him. All those really hairy women think he's sweet and just their sort of man."

Clay looked in there and groaned, looking at the doctor, who was trying not to laugh. "He's young and bouncy. We put up with him for years as a commando but I'm about to take Pooch's suggestion and marry him off to someone. Maybe his future kids will be normal soldiers with his genius."

"No genius is normal, Clay," the doctor said. "I deal with them all day long. There's not a single normal genius who would do military things, or normal things. His kids would probably start a cult."

"Probably," he agreed. "We had to stop Jensen from doing that twice with gifted kids overseas. We would've hated to come back in twenty years to take them out when they took over the Middle East." The doctor walked off laughing. Clay walked into Darcy's hospital room, staring at her then at Barton. "Can we bum her place tonight?"

"Sure, she won't mind. She's not going to be home for two days at least." Darcy blinked at him. "Can they have your place tonight?"

"Sure. Why not, they've slept in my bed in the vacay homes." She grinned. "There might not be any food but the mob guys run a great pizza and chinese place for being Russian."

"We'll keep that in mind," he said. "Keys?" Clint handed his copy over and a note about the code. "That'll work. I'll bring 'em back on the way out tomorrow." He poked Jensen on the leg, making him wake up. "C'mon, we're going to stay at Darcy's tonight." He nodded, kissing her on the temple before getting out of bed and following him. Lucky had to move but he only huffed and cuddled under his step-human's arm again. "Feel better, Lewis."

"You too, Clay and Jensen." She almost waved but fell back asleep, mumbling something.

Clint grinned. "Sure, I'll tell the mob guys not to expect cookies from them," he promised. He texted Bucky that they were showing up to use her place for the night. "Bucky's on the block so it'll be fine, Clay."

"Thanks." He walked Jensen out, taking him to their rental car and through the heavy traffic to the neighborhood area. It was a nice neighborhood. Pooch and Jolene would probably like to live somewhere like this. He nodded at Barnes as he got Jensen out. "He tested the water they were going to give Lewis and got drugged."

"I'm going to beat that nurse," Bucky said. "Got the code for her door?"

"Clint gave me a code."

"Hit it then put in the keys." He nodded and walked Jensen up there. Bucky looked at one of the staring guys. "They're housesitting for Lewis tonight since she's back in the infirmary."

"Her landlord was looking for her earlier."

"I'll talk to him." He went to knock on his door. "Darcy's in the Stark infirmary for being poisoned like Lucky was. It'll be days before she gets home. Want me to pass on a message?"

"She's still got rent due."

"I'll tell her or Clint tomorrow. He can find her checkbook."

"Thanks. She good?"

"Lots of IV's to flush the poison. She's got friends staying over tonight."

"Fine. What's that guy that's been hanging around Barton doing?"

"His brother? No clue. He doesn't have one either." He shrugged. "I'll let them know."

"Good, last month's got put on hold."

"The orange asshole tried to lock her accounts twice recently. She's gotten it free both times so it shouldn't be held."

"I'll check with the bank then." Bucky nodded, walking off texting Clint. He went back to his own apartment, sending his own email about her not being here right now because she was sick. Someone really wanted her to have to move out of this area.

***
Part 17 by voracity
Kate answered Darcy's phone. "Hey, David. She's getting scanned and more blood work. No, she's okay. The poison's mostly gone. She's actually staying awake for hours at a time now. Some minor muscle cramps but otherwise she'll be fine in a few weeks." She listened then smiled. "I'll tell her you said to get better. What? Why would someone want....I'll definitely let her know, yeah. Yeah, we can figure out who's doing that and stomp on them for her. Thanks, David. How you doin'?" She smiled. "That's great though, right? Excellent! Yeah, I'll have her call since she hasn't emailed in a few weeks. No, it's been a hectic mess. Sure. Be safe if someone tries for you, David." She hung up and leaned backward, looking at Darcy. "Your cousin David called," she yelled.

"Is he okay?" Darcy called back.

"Yeah, he's good. Healing nicely, his therapist is great but cranky and told him you wouldn't have supported him but he's shot back that you would've been there if you had known. Also, someone came up to him to talk to him about pressuring you to move away from the city."

"Fuck 'em. I like my apartment."

"Whoever actually owns the building wants you gone too."

"I'll deal with 'em when I get out of here." She yawned. "Any idea who yet?"

"Not yet. Want me to look it up?"

"Please."

"Got it. You rest and we'll figure it out." She looked up the city's tax records to see if she could get it the easy way. It led to a corporation. Who led to a blank wall. Natasha suddenly appeared beside her so she held up her phone with a grin. "There's a concentrated effort to get Darcy out of her apartment and off that block."

Natasha took the phone to look at. "That's not a well known front but I can look it up." She did a search in a place that took a password. "Hmm. The mob is still mad she's so mouthy with them." She looked. "Interesting." She handed the phone back, pointing. "He is the highest in the city for the Russian mob." She walked off. "He's in jail but we can talk to him."

"Yes, I will," Darcy called. Then she yelped. "Hey!"

"Sorry," the nurse said. "Quit wiggling."

"Whatevs."

"Thank you. It's clear you're feeling better."

"When can I have coffee again?"

"Three more days," she said patiently. The doctor was laughing behind the machine controls. "If you're a good girl we'll let you go home tonight."

"Yay."

"Good girl." They got done and put Darcy back in her room. Clint was back in there. "She's feeling much more perky."

Clint grinned. "Great." She left. He looked at her. "They're used to us giving them hell."

"I'm trying to be good."

"We know," he agreed. He leaned on the bed railing. "So, what're you going to do about them trying to force you out by saying you aren't paying your rent?" He handed over the warning letter they had to send by law. It was dated yesterday.

"I sent money over. I have records showing I sent money over."

"They put it into a holding account and didn't accept it. Which they can by law but it's iffy. Brian said to tell you it's iffy and you may win but it'll cost way more than buying the building and kicking them out."

"I can probably do that," she agreed dryly. "Though someone online suggested I put up a huge compound sort of house like the facility upstate and invite people to come live with me."

"You could," Clint agreed. "If you were close enough to mine and Kate's place we'd still probably be over all the time. Or you could do what I did and just buy the building."

"I'm thinking about that too but it means I'd have to face down the guy in charge's minions. But it's a good investment in this city."

"It is," Clint agreed. "I live on the income from my building since no one pays me to be an Avenger. Some of your building could use fixed up too."

"Thinking about it, if I bought the building on the other side of you, it'd be a better, cheaper investment. Needs less work, has an elevator. The rooftop deck. It's empty so I could go in to fix all the apartments at once. I could make a huge apartment of that top floor."

"It has a lot of structural issues. That's why no one's bought it."

"Which means I could probably get it on a lot of sale."

Clint nodded. "Maybe. It'd probably take more to fix it up than to buy it."

She nodded. "Then maybe I'll just buy mine." He grinned. "And make them rent controlled because rent's stupid in our area."

"Yes it is. Kate pays more than you do."

"Which is wrong and they've sent letters around saying they're raising the rent six times in the last two months and each time the price goes up. I've been planning on buying it anyway."

"Good. What about your building's old elevator?"

"It needs replaced."

"Yes it does. Which is expensive."

"Expensive is I'm going to have to update all the apartments while people are living in them."

"You have a free one, right?" She nodded. "Move each apartment for a few days and fix it then move them back?"

"Probably. I'll talk with Brian and my trust manager later," she said through a yawn. "When I'm ready to be perky again."

"Okay." He patted her hand. "Brian said he needed a call anyway."

She grabbed her phone and turned it on, finding a missed call from him. She called. "It's Darcy...." She got transferred. "What's going on?" She listened. "No, I didn't die. Not even close. Passed out a few times but I'm not dead. Sure you can make that statement, Brian. Clint, who poisoned me?"

"No idea," he admitted. "Or they'd be begging for mercy. Why does he need to make a statement?"

"Rumors going around that I'm dead."

"No. I can send Katie Kate to do that." She grinned and repeated that, nodding. "Okay, I'll send her at Brian." He sent her a message, getting a 'let me change after class, three hours'. "She's got class and has to change. It'll be about three hours."

"Three hours, Brian. Thanks, man. Oh, I'm buying my building. Yup, that one. Thanks." She hung up. "He'll have the paperwork drawn up."

"Good. That makes it easier." He patted her wrist. "The dogs are pouty."

"They can come back."

"Lucky's having a heat treatment in the pool area." She grinned. "They're hovering over him to make him feel better. They'll come make you feel better later." She curled up on her side, facing him so they could keep talking. He yawned. "I need a nap."

"You can come nap."

"No, someone will say something and that'll hurt you."

She looked at him. "I'm known to be cuddly, Clint. And anyone like that would probably say something about you being in that chair the whole time I was sick."

"Not all of it."

She leaned over to kiss him on the cheek. "You're great at making me feel better too, just like the dogs are." He grinned. She settled in again. "I'm okay if you want to go nap."

"I'm good." Cutey walked in dragging something fabric that was large and dark. He got up to look at it then at her. "Who did you get this time?" She barked and wagged her tail, looking pleased with herself. "You're a good girl, Cutey." He picked her up to pet and cuddle her then let Darcy do it while he took the jacket to see who it belonged to. He didn't get to hear Cutey growl and attack someone but Darcy's yelp of pain brought him back. The janitor was in there and was now rubbing where the broom had nearly been shoved into his chest. "He try to touch you?"

"Yeah, he did. I have no idea why a janitor would need to grope my hip." The doctor walked in and dragged the guy out. She grinned at Clint. "Go play with someone."

"I can do that. Good dog, Cutey. You guard the Darcy human." He petted her again then went off with the jacket. He ran into a guard, holding it up. "Who did the dog get this time?"

"Some commando guy that snuck in."

"One she knows?"

"No. We have no idea, Barton."

"Where are they?"

"Secure room." He pointed.

"Thanks. Watch over Lewis? She just had to get the groping janitor."

"Got it. We've already got eyes in there." Clint grinned as he walked off. The guard went to hang out by the infirmary. It was safer if he did that.

Clint walked into the secure room, staring at the guy sitting there. "I remember when you were a newbie SHIELD agent and still really stupid. Apparently not everything has changed," he said dryly. He held up the jacket. "Why did a dog have to attack you?"

"I brought information for Hill, Barton. What are you doing here?"

"All Avengers have rooms here." The agent looked murderous. "Hill?" he asked her.

"He did bring intel that I already had." She handed it to him. "What is she doing about the mob trying to force her out of her apartment?"

"Taking care of them." They shared a look. He grinned. "It'll be nice to watch and Bishop's going to go stop the rumors that she's dead."

"She is," the agent said dryly.

"Funny, I was just talking to her. She's not dead."

"She is. We've seen pictures."

"I doubt that." He looked at Hill. "Let me go take pictures for Kate." He strolled off, leaving the jacket there. He came back. "Cutey reacts to gunshot residue and blood." He walked off again.

Hill searched the jacket, having someone come in to disarm it. The agent hopped up but a guard got him for her so she didn't have to fight yet. She was still sore, it was nice of him.

***

Kate Bishop walked into the meeting room, smiling at the two reporters in there. One of them was an entertainment one. One was an actual news one. "Darcy DeCriths sent me."

"She's dead," one of them said.

"She was poisoned, like Barton's dog was poisoned, but she's not dead. I sat with her when she was passing out all the time but she's very much alive." She slid down her tablet, which had a live stream from the infirmary. Darcy was awake enough to be talking to the dogs while sipping tea. "That's live from the Stark infirmary."

They stared then at her. "Then who reported she was dead?"

"We'd like to know that too since we think it may be the people who poisoned her," Kate quipped, smiling at them. "And even if she were dead, I'm one of her heirs until she has kids."

"Her cousin was saying it was all a lie but we know he's in therapy."

"His last whore of a stepmother screwed him up greatly by hooking him on drugs," Kate agreed, sitting down looking completely comfortable. "He's gotten clean, he's in a good place. He's been working over all the problems she created for him."

"She hooked him on drugs?"

"From what Darcy and he told me, she was basically molesting him and drugging him up so she'd have a future sugar daddy when she did away with his dad."

"Crap," the entertainment reporter said. "We never heard that."

"It did come out at her trial. Thankfully she killed herself in jail after being sentenced to life in prison for hiring people to kill his dad." She grinned. "Darcy had a few martinis in thanks that she offed herself."

"That's sweet of her," the other reporter agreed. "So she's really fine?" They were still watching her talk to the dogs. "Is it looped?"

"No. She's not allowed to do anything but play with the dogs and drink fluids. I brought in her laptop to read over the stuff on her mom's charity so she could make decisions on some grant applications. The doctor complained but Darcy told him she needed to get those done sooner instead of next week."

"That's good," the entertainment reporter said. "How much longer is she in there?"

"Probably until tomorrow afternoon. The poison was at minimal levels, her kidneys are working fine, and they've flushed her system very well so she shouldn't take any long term harm."

"What's this about the Coast Guard?" one of them asked.

"Hmm," Kate said, licking her lips. "The tower got invaded to remove a few people from it. Darcy was one. Their stated goal was to kill Darcy so the plan HYDRA had wouldn't go through. We believe the poisoning came from a few hours before then." They both nodded. "Two of the three women they had taken managed to get free and get to the surface since it was underwater and barely in international waters. They were found by a HYDRA boat and took it from the HYDRA agents, using it to get away. The Coast Guard found them and helped since neither one knew how to sail a boat. They got the third woman rescued and one of the other two air lifted. Darcy got taken to the harbor and to an ER. She was treated and released, sent home, and we found out about the poisoning about four days later."

"That makes sense. Did she thank them?"

"She sent out a thank you post," Kate said. "She wasn't sure how to thank them otherwise. Usually she'd make cookies or give a grant. She wasn't sure how to do that with an official group like the Coast Guard."

"That's sweet of her. Is that why some people in her neighborhood call her Cookie Lady?" the entertainment reporter asked. Kate grinned and nodded. "That's very sweet."

"It is and she's taught me how to make cookies too," Kate quipped.

"What about her building trying to get her out?" the entertainment reporter asked.

"We think that's some of the bad sort that hang out in the neighborhood. They're finding it a bit hard to do some nefarious things with her there. Or me a few blocks up, or others who live near there." She smirked a tiny bit. "They're wrong and she's acting against it once she gets out."

"That's good to know. What about that lawsuit?"

"She's absolutely certain her lawyer, who is a sweet guy, can be evil in her stead. She's praised how evil he can be until now so I'm pretty sure she'll keep being happy that he's evil on her behalf."

"She's snarling," the other reporter said, sliding the tablet back.

Kate watched then called her. "What's up? No, I have a live feed with the reporters. We noticed snarling. Oh, well, that's sweet and they can kiss my ass. You can tell them to come talk to the dog's owner too, Darcy. Sure, put me on speaker." She paused. "Listen, dickhead, this is Cutey's owner. She bit your agent for a very good reason. His jacket had an explosive device in it. She's got all her certificates to help me protect others and if you come near my dog again you're going to be food for her." The man pulled a gun on the camera and Darcy got up to beat the living crap out of him. Another agent came in to try to get the dog. "FRIDAY, please get her some help," she said. "I'm not near there. Protect Darcy and the dog."

The AI answered that help was coming, the dog was protected with a forcefield, and Darcy was going to kill someone in a second. The reporters had moved to see over her shoulder. There was Conor coming in to help and an agent tried to shoot him too but Darcy bit the guy's arm and then pulled his gun from his hand while he screamed to shoot him in the leg then the other one. Darcy was panting in anger and swearing at them while yelling about idiots who think they're good guys.

"Darcy, calm down," Kate said. "You're okay, the dogs are fine." Stark stomped in and yelled at the same agent, then glared at her and told her to get back into bed. Darcy said something back and huffed. Stark picked her up and put her back into bed, handing her both dogs and stomping over to deal with those agents/idiots. "Good job. No, I'm here with the reporters, Darcy. It's cool. Sure, if you want to make a statement." She let them have her phone to put on speaker so she could have her say about the stupid rumors. Kate grinned at Brian, who was sitting in a corner making notes.

He shook his head. "If someone should try to have the dogs put down for protecting their human friend, I'll gladly help you protect them even if they have to be moved suddenly, Kate. We know the dogs aren't violent. They're just protective."

"That's why she got Conor, to be protective and cuddly." The reporters handed back the phone so she put it in front of her. "You good?" She smiled. "That's good. You rest. I'll be there in about four hours, after my night class. I know you wouldn't expect me to skip it, Darcy. That's important to you and I agree. So rest, I'll be there tonight. Pet my dog and give her dog biscuits for me. Sure, I can bring some over. Good. You rest." She hung up, looking at the reporters. "She's still really mad at them. She's going to get up and tear them into pieces soon." They smiled, that sounded more like the Darcy they knew. "But anyway, how do we stop all those stupid rumors and figure out who started it?"

"We'll gladly find out who started it and tell you," the entertainment reporter said. Someone rushed into the room and Kate got up to kick them around, making them groan on the floor. "Wow." She stared at her. "We just figured you were a debutante she was coaching and mentoring."

Kate smiled. "I'm that too." She winked. "Let me pick up dog food and go hover over her until my night class." She strolled out with her phone and tablet.

Brian stood up. "Please do let us know in case they're involved in her poisoning."

"Of course. Can you comment on that lawsuit's progress?"

"He's tried very hard to cause problems, including trying to have her accounts canceled on her. It hasn't worked yet and each time he tries that another judge gets caught for tampering. Clearly, the dirty one is showing signs of others in their little mudpile. We do have a hearing in a few days to get on with it. The judge was tired of all their motions to continue." He smiled a shark's smile. "I'm fairly certain she'll have a happy day that day because it always makes her happy to triumph over evil. You guys have a nice day." They nodded and left to go make their reports. Brian sent Darcy an email about how it had been as the NYPD came to clean up Kate's mess.

***

Darcy looked up as she was walked out of Stark tower, nodding at a few reporters. "Don't get close to my dog, he's highly overprotective right now." They backed away when Conor sniffed at them. "He's not vicious but he's protective. He's a good boy." He barked at her, getting petted for it. He sniffed the car then let Cutey rush into it to sniff everything. When she laid down he got out of Darcy's way. "Aww, thank you, guys." Lucky came walking out, still limping a bit, but curled up with them.

"Later, guys. I have to heal for a court hearing in two days." She checked then shut the door, letting the hired driver take them home. They paused for Darcy to pick up her envelope from the financial manager, smiling as they got out in their neighborhood. "C'mon, guys." The dogs went with her, but Lucky stayed outside the pizza place. The hired car left. Darcy got a few scared looks and her landlord looked very worried. She smiled, sitting across from him. "I'm going to be cheesy and quote a movie. I have an offer you shouldn't refuse."

"That's not how the movie went," he said, taking a sip of his drink.

She smiled. "Men make offers you can't refuse. Women make offers you shouldn't." She tapped the envelope on the table. "I'm going to mimic Clint." He moaned. "So get the building's owner for me. Please."

"You can't do that. He won't allow it."

She shrugged. "I've already bought another one on the block. It's not like I can't."

He swallowed, then took another drink. "He won't like that."

"Yeah, I don't care. Is that the same guy that tried to torture me and Natasha beat?"

"No."

She smiled. "That's a pity, watching him cry was great." He shuddered. "So, introduce me. I might be willing to keep you on as the maintenance guy but I'd be fixing a lot of things."

"That takes money. You have no idea how expensive that is."

"And I'd be getting rental income," she quipped with a smile. "And fixing the rent problem you guys have tried to have. I doubt our rents will need to be Manhattan levels to fix the elevator or replace it." He slumped. "And the stairs, and the hallway lights, and all the apartments. I know what it costs. I do own other property." She smiled, patting him on the hands. "Just introduce me. Okay?"

"He won't like you."

"Yeah and I give exactly one-quarter of a percent of a fuck."

He nodded, looking back at someone. "He'll call him."

"Great." She smiled, handing the staring waiter a twenty. "Can I have glass of ice water and something not salty to nibble on while we wait? I'm supposed to be low sodium for another few days." He nodded quickly, heading into the kitchen. She got comfortable. The dogs were in the next booth and someone got them some water. "Thanks, Arvil." Lucky came in to rest too.

"Welcome, Cookie Lady. You gonna be okay?"

"I'm fine. Now. The poison's all gone." He nodded, going back to his seat. "Though if anyone knows who poisoned me, let me know please? I want to kick someone in the ass."

"If we hear, we could probably tell you," another of them agreed. "It'd be entertaining like Barton going off over his dog."

"They used the same poison," Darcy said dryly, smiling at him. He moaned. "Which is why I'm on low sodium." She smiled at the waiter who brought her a salad and water. "Thanks, dear." He nodded and fled since someone new was stomping in. "Is that him, Mike?"

"Yeah," he said quietly, getting up and taking his food with him.

Darcy smiled at him. "Sit, please." She waved a hand.

"I heard you were dead." He sat down. "It still won't get you out of paying the rent."

"You cashed both the checks," she said. "I have proof from the bank." He glared. "But we're here to discuss me taking that debt off your hands. That way I'm more secure." She stared at him. "That way you don't have to worry about why someone was going to raise the rent. Repeatedly by the letters."

"The building's a wreck," he snorted.

"So is the other one I bought. The construction teams will have it done in six months." She shrugged and ate a bite. "Sorry, real food after being in the infirmary." She ate another bite. "So, what do you want for the building?"

"I'm not selling it."

She laughed, a happy sound. "You sure? Because the housing department for this city got handed those letters about the rent raises. They're not happy. I got interviewed about that and the fact you were trying to say that you didn't get paid. I proved to them that I did pay you with bank records. So you can't get a hearing for that."

"I can go to court."

"Yeah, you could. You won't though because I'll have my lawyer ask you if you've got a green card for starters and then find all your mob connections. He's really good at that." He stared at her, looking furious. "I can pay you fair market value. I can pay you something decent beyond that. You fighting with me means I have to take valuable playing with my dog time to deal with you."

"We can kill the dogs."

"You'd die," she said with a smile. "Very painfully. Ask anyone in the neighborhood." She waved a hand. Most of the guys in there weren't looking at them but nodded. "I'm *real* overprotective of my dog and his doggy friends. If you thought I was mean to the guys who tried to get us in the park, just you wait because I'm out of patience for the year." Someone came near her dog and she deployed her tazer, making him scream. More of the mob guys showed up. She smiled and waved.

"He was going to threaten my dog. Pity." She looked over the back of the seat at the guy. "So, we going to do that again?" He whined, shaking his head. "Good boy." She petted the dogs. Then she looked at the owner of her building again. "I gotta say, you guys, so much easier to deal with than the people in Hollywood. I grew up watching my father deal with people who were three times worse than you and did even more illegal things.

"Seriously, you guys are kinda pussies next to the Hollywood sorts who fund things and the producers and the agents. Really, I don't mind the guys who live and work around here. They're generally good to the residents, they quit threatening people for no reason, and they're highly protective of their areas. I have a lot of respect for them. They've helped me a lot in the past and on one of the worst days I've ever had one of them help me get home. I have a ton of respect for them. But I'm not going to be putting up with threats near me. So let me evacuate the threats so you don't have to worry your receding hairline about it. So what will you take for the building?"

"I can get more going to the hipsters."

Darcy chuckled, smiling at him. "I can offer you six mil, the value of the building, in cash right now."

He licked his lips. "You can't do that."

"Yes I can. Or I could call an agent I know and tell her where all your stashes are so the guys get a finders fee for daring to take artillery away from bad people and hiding it for the agents to pick up. So what's your counter offer to my six mil?"

"I can go to the one you're suing and have him buy it."

"Yeah, he's not got that much money. He had to release his tax records to the court." The guy winced. "And besides, I already own another building. I can make a *huge* apartment for myself if I want. Buying my building will save me some work and me having to find a swimming pool sized soaking tub." She tapped the envelope on the table.

"That a check?"

"No." She smiled. "It's not a check. It's my shopping fund for the next six months. Whatever you don't want of it is going to the construction crew for the new building." He made a snatch for it and she smiled. "No, if you accept money from me that means we have a deal."

"That's too thin," he sneered. She opened it to show the bills. He swallowed. "That building's a money pit."

"Then that's my folly. Right?" She smiled. "I love my present kitchen. That's why I put it in." She stared at him. "We can remain at peace or not but well...it would keep someone legal from confiscating the building when they show up. You know they will. You make too much noise not to be noticed. The local guys wouldn't be bothered most likely but you, you've made waves. Now," she said, switching the way she was sitting to face him. "We can make a deal and you can quit stressing about my evil lawyer friend showing up in your life, which means I get to be happy and safe, or I can fix the new place as a super safe six story apartment for myself complete with guest apartments and a tub that's the size of a kiddie pool at the park. Which stress do you want to have?"

"We'd hate you fixing that one building up," he sneered.

"And I give exactly no fucks. I had some earlier but I lost it in the salad." She grimaced. "Sorry. Especially since the construction crew I chose has a lot of former convicts and agents working with it to get a new start."

He swallowed, looking around then at her. "We could run you off this block."

She laughed, a light, happy sound that made him shiver. "I could buy this whole block. It'd be my shopping account for a year but I can do that. I'm sure the businesses would like to have less people breathing down their necks for protection and the like."

"Why does someone like you live here?" he sneered.

"I like the neighborhood. I'm not new money." He slumped. She grinned, patting his hand. "Old money has what it needs and just wants to be comfy. New money spends a lot to prove they have the cash. My mom's former people haven't been new money since the Renaissance. She really married down into Hollywood."

He stared at her. "What do you want in return?"

"Just keep things the way they were a few weeks back. Nice, calm, peaceful, quiet, protective. Don't bother my construction people and I'll try to arrange for interesting people who aren't hipsters. There is equal housing opportunities in this city and state." She patted his hand again. "So what will you take?"

"Ten," he said, staring at her.

"Eight?"

"Ten."

She smiled. "Nine?" He shook his head. "Fine, ten." She pulled out the cash to count out, making him drool. The rest came out of her purse and another few envelopes. "There," she said when it was all counted out. She pulled out a paper, putting in the price and letting him see it. "Sign, date. Have a witness."

He looked it over, signing it and waving someone over to witness it. She signed it and had another witness. He looked at her. "Now what?"

"I have my lawyer buddy file it tomorrow first thing. I get a list from the maintenance guy about what needs to be fixed for real. He decides if he wants to continue to be my maintenance guy. If not, I'll find a new one pending the beginning of the month." He nodded stiffly. "I go back to making cookies. Especially the guy that helped me get home that night. He deserves more than cookies considering how badly off I was."

"You, attacked?"

She pulled up a news story on her phone, letting him read the headline. "Me, and a few others I work with."

He swallowed. "One of mine helped you?"

"He caught me walking from the bus that comes near here. It was the only one that came near the hospital. He got me a ride home and made sure I got into my apartment." That one nodded. She smiled. "I owe you a lot more than cookies, man. Thank you." She looked at him again. "Things go back to the quiet way they were a few weeks ago. Is that too hard on you?"

"No," he said, sucking in a breath though his nose. "That's not too hard. What happens if things get hard?"

Darcy shrugged. "I'm not concerned about your business outside of where it intersects my health and safety. I like most of the neighborhood. I like the restaurants and all that. This place spoils me rotten when I need pizza." She ate another bite of her salad and grimaced. "I hate salad but I know I need it." She sighed and ate another bite. "Thanks to the poisoning I'm low sodium for a bit."

He shook his head. "That wasn't us."

"Oh, I know." She smiled. "We're figuring out who it was and if they're behind the rumors that I died." She grinned. Two people walked in. "Brian." She handed over that form. "Here."

He looked it over, nodding. "Are the witnesses US citizens? They'll ask." Another one came over to sign it. "Thank you." He tucked it into his briefcase. "This agent...."

"I know Melinda." She smiled at her. "Problems?" She shifted over. "Come sit, Melinda. Brian, want lunch?"

"I'm good, Darcy." He pulled a chair over. "Your cousin was behind the rumors you died."

"Why?"

"We think his therapist convinced him you were taking his birthright."

"No, I'm always very supportive of Dave. I pay his fees above what his trust pays for."

"She's of the opinion that you stole his title and his dad's estate."

"He got most of the estate. I got a fifth of it. His mom got more than me."

Melinda May stared at her. "She did?"

"Yeah. All I got from him was the house in the Caribbean and custody of the library. His wives split the art collection and about a third of the money. Dave got the rest in his trust. His dad's will stated he knew that Dave didn't addict himself and that he knew his son wasn't a willing user. The lawyers debated that clause when the bimbo that killed him tried to contest but Dave told them how he got hooked when they asked him. That was a few months before she killed herself in jail though."

Brian made that note to someone. "Hmm. Dave agrees with that but he has a conservator."

"Why? He shouldn't need one."

"We can look into that for him," Brian agreed, sending that message to her cousin then putting his phone up. Dave was confused about having a conservator. "I can have a judge overturn that. That way no one's in his money but him." She smiled at him. "So, new building? Which one?" She pointed and he leaned to look. "That looks like a wreck but it could be pretty."

"I took your suggestion and hired that second chances construction crew. I added a clause into their contract that said they should ask vocational students for help if they needed extra hands. They liked that." Brian smiled. "So what else is going on?"

"Just making sure that this wasn't a problem." He looked at the guy. "It's not, right?"

"No. We heard she's real protective of the boys around here."

"They're nice guys who helped me a lot when I got attacked," Darcy said. "They deserve that respect."

Melinda May nodded. "They have proved it in the past even before we at SHIELD could step in." The old landlord shuddered. She smiled at Darcy. "Does that mean that elevator will finally work?"

"Oh hell yes, that's one of the first things being fixed." She smiled at that. "It'll make it easier on everyone. I need that list this weekend if you can," she called with a smile and a wave. "My construction head's showing up to do the official paperwork for permits on Saturday morning."

"Fine," he agreed. "Hire someone."

"Okay." She smiled at the guys. Who all shook their heads. That was a lot like work. "I'll see if my construction guys know of anyone." She smiled at Melinda. "So why else are you here?"

"Protecting you tonight. There's some weird people around here."

"Like Clint's brother weird or other weird?"

"His brother died."

"That's what he thought."

"Huh." She nodded. "I can make that note. But yes, he's probably one." She looked at Darcy. "You should be on the couch with the dogs." One of them licked her neck, making her flinch. She stared at them. "Thank you." Cutey barked happily at her, lapping her again. "You're adorable."

"Cutey usually only does that to Natasha. She likes to pounce her."

"I'm flattered by the comparison," she said dryly, petting the dog then the other two when they shifted. "Lay down, Lucky, I can reach you so you don't have to get sore." She petted him too. She looked at Darcy. "Are you ordering tonight so I can order with you?"

"Probably. Jensen agreed I didn't have a bit of food in the house. He cleaned out the fridge for me when he stayed over with Clay that night."

"Who were they?" one of the guys called.

"Jensen and Clay? They were commandos and now run a security firm. They've helped me tons. Including finding me people to do the door thing and my safe room." They all nodded at that. "Jensen's a sweetie and Clay dates crazy bitches." A few laughed. She looked at Melinda. "You can have the couch or the guest room, whichever isn't used."

"Thanks." She looked at Brian, who was smiling. "It's safer tonight."

"It is. Next time she might not be able to get out of their underground lab." Darcy heaved. "Sorry." Melinda was pushing on a pressure point in Darcy's wrist to calm her stomach down. "I didn't mean to bring up a bad thought, Darcy."

She sipped her water. "It's fine, Brian. I'm not having flashbacks about it." She leaned across Melinda to hug him then her. "Thank you for stopping that."

"Welcome." She got lapped again. "Thank you as well, dog." Darcy made herself finish her salad and water then they left, going across the street to Darcy's apartment. She went to lay down for a bit with the dogs. Melinda sent in a report about her buying the building and Clint's brother. Coulson was not amused at that news. He sent that back but said to tell Darcy to feel better. She could do that when she woke up.

***

Darcy showed up for work a few days later, all three dogs guarding her this time. She nodded at the security team, running her pass. "Morning, guys."

"Lewis, dog'vengers," one said with a nod. "Going to the lab or your office?"

"Office. Why would I go to the lab?"

"Dr. Foster wanted us to tell her when you got in," the other one said with a grin.

"Sure, but I gotta sit down." They nodded and the dogs escorted her up to her office to curl up on her couch and watch her type. They barked when Emma walked in and pouted at Darcy, getting pets from her. Darcy looked over the edge of her desk at the young one. "What's up?"

"You haven't visited in days."

"I've been sick."

Emma scowled at her. "Mommy didn't tell me that!"

"Then go nag her for not telling you," Darcy said dryly. "Want a hug?"

"Are you tagous?"

"No, I'm not contagious. Lucky and I were both sick recently."

She cooed, petting that dog. Who lapped her and got her covered in drool. She just huffed and kissed him then drooled on him back. She walked over to stare at her aunt, who shifted her seat so she could climb up if she wanted. She climbed up and tested her forehead. "You don't have fever."

"I'm out of the infirmary." She looked at her, giving her a hug. "I'm better. That's why I got to come back to work today." She looked over at Conor bathing Lucky's head. "Did you really drool on the dog?"

"He does it to me."

"True. Kiss, don't drool, on the dog. Okay? Their fur gets icky."

"That's why they drool on each other when they give baths." She snuggled in, resting her head against Darcy's chest. "You're not breathing funny."

"No, I'm not. I've still got to take some medicine with lunch if you wanted to make sure I take lunch."

She smiled. "I can do that. Mommy said you used do that to her."

"I sure did. Your mom used to never come out of the lab so I had to trick her into eating a lot. Even Poptarts."

"Wow. Mommy really likes poptarts. She gave them up for science?"

"She did, and sleep, and even your dad's snuggles." She grinned at her. "She's done less of that since she had you so you're a good girl."

Emma beamed. "Of course I am." She snuggled in and pointed. "What's that?"

"That's a request letter from a charity that wants money from us." She looked at Emma. "I get to read through it and tell Pepper if we should give them money for their research projects."

"Science?" she asked, looking up.

"A lot of them. A few art things. This is a grant giving group that Tony set up to honor his mommy."

"Wow. Did you do that?"

"I did. I have one for my mommy to honor her. She actually helped Tony set up his to his mommy."

"Huh. So you've known Uncle Tony since he was my age?"

"No, not quite that long. He's older than I am." She poked her with a grin, getting a grin back. "Tony's known me since I was your age. He was a teenager then."

"Wow. That's a really long time ago." She looked over. "Isn't it, Mom?"

"Yes it is." She clapped her hands, getting all three dogs barked at her. "She's mine, mutts. I can take her from Darcy so she can rest."

"I'm going to lunchies with her to make sure she takes her medicine," Emma said, staring at her mother. "Just like she used to do for you."

"That's great and we can do that," she agreed, smiling at Darcy. "Are you better?"

"Mostly. I have a few days of meds left." She hugged Emma then stood her up. "Go nag your mommy about science and outside time."

"That's right, we should steal a dog and go outside, Mommy. They can help you read to me and all sorts of stuff." She put her hands on her hips and stared at her mother. "You're more pasty than Daddy said his brother was so we should go get some sun with the dogs to help you read to me."

"Sure, we can bring the dogs onto the porch to go read to you," she said patiently. "Dogs, wanna go sit on the porch?" They all stared at her.

"Outside on the fire escape time," Darcy said. "Go with Emma, guys." She pointed. They barked and got up, all of them stretching on their way over to Emma, who grinned and walked up to the elevator with her hands on their necks. Cutey hopped up to ride on Conor to get her own petting in.

Jane watched then looked at her. "Wow."

"I had to tell her she didn't have to drool on the dogs because they drooled on her." She grinned.

"My daughter's a little smartass," Jane agreed, following her daughter. There were books up there to read to the kid.

Darcy got back to work making a report on the new grant request.

Clint leaned in. "Emma drooled on Lucky?"

"Yeah. He drooled on her when he licked her so she let a bit of drool out onto his head but didn't lick him back." She smiled at him.

He shook his head. "She's such a little smartass."

"She told Jane she was as pale as Loki was according to her dad so they needed to steal the dogs to go read to her on the porch."

Clint nodded. "It's good for her." He smirked at her. "The infirmary was expecting you today." She looked at her phone then at him. "I know, I don't know why they didn't call the usual way."

"I'll go after lunch, after I take my meds. Emma promised to remind me."

"That's fine. Come upstairs and eat?" She nodded. "Cool." He strolled off, nodding at Hill when he walked past her. "The dogs are with Emma. She stole them."

"It's great they're so protective." She walked into Darcy's office. "I got a call saying you're missing a court date?"

"No, I missed a court date by being in the infirmary. My next one isn't until tomorrow the last I knew." She sent a message to Brian, who said it was tomorrow. "According to my lawyer it's still tomorrow." She looked up. Brian messaged her again. "No, he got it moved and we weren't informed. That's sweet. I'm so going to file against that judge for misconduct." She gathered a few things then left with Hill sending a guard to drive her. "I can go, Hill."

"Shut up, Lewis."

"Fine." She smiled at the guard. "Thank you for the ride." He nodded, following her down to the garage.

***

Brian hung up and went to talk to that judge. He was in the courthouse anyway. "Your Honor, we weren't informed you had moved the case up by a day."

He smirked at the lawyer. "I sent over the message."

"That's fine. At least I'm here now and my client's on her way. She's just out of the infirmary."

"I heard she's dead."

"No, that was a lie started by someone stupid who wanted to try to claim her cousin's money for himself." He put his briefcase down and sat down. "Are we holding the meeting in chambers?"

"It was felt it was safer for your client with her multiple death threats."

"That's fine." Darcy got there about ten minutes later and he stood up, hugging her. "Are you feeling better?"

"Much. I have some maintenance meds I have to take with lunch but I'm fine. No more poison in my system." She nodded at the lawyers and the judge. "Your Honor." She sat down beside Brian. "I wish I had known it got moved up, I would've been here instead of going back to work today." She checked and turned off her phone after sending a text message to Jane. "There, I'm here for at least a few hours."

He stared at her. "You didn't have to give it up at security?"

"No," she said. "They said that it's more important that I have a way to summon help if something happens." He grimaced. "It's been a practical concern in the past." She smiled at the bailiff that came in. "Morning."

"Morning, Miss DeCriths. Your phone?" She pointed. "Off?"

"On silent. I had to cancel my lunch date."

"That's fine. Your usual allowed carries?" She pointed in her bag again. "Even better. Thank you. Let me handle it if something happens."

"Sure, please do. I'm not at full Darcy strength right now anyway." He nodded, staying by the doorway. She looked at her lawyer again then at the judge. "So, why are we meeting today instead of tomorrow?"

"I have something to do tomorrow, young lady," the judge said. "I heard you were dead."

"It appears that someone has tried to take over my cousin's life as a conservator without a court hearing or his consent. They spread that from what we've been able to find out. That way they could try to push him away from any family support and could try to claim his trust fund without anyone protesting." She crossed his legs. "Their state police are aware and are investigating and my cousin's going to a judge to have it removed."

"I heard he's in heavy therapy."

"He's in rehab," she corrected. "Part of that is therapy over what his stepmother did to him. She did molest him repeatedly and drugged him during those."

"He didn't take them himself?" the other lawyer asked.

"No. He has never liked medicines of any type. Dave used to hate to take aspirin. That's how we knew something was wrong. He was getting headaches and taking meds without nagging. His father had him drug tested and found injectables, which he wouldn't do. He loathed needles and had a phobia of them. That came out during his hearing about the drug thing and at the murder charges against his stepmother that did that."

"Will she want something?" that lawyer asked smugly.

"Only if the courts recognize money grubbing ghosts," she shot back. "She killed herself after being sentenced to life in prison for killing my uncle." He grimaced, slumping some. "My cousin's mother and his other two stepmothers, who took great care of him, were all holding a party over her death the next day."

"That's tacky," the judge said.

Darcy shrugged. "She killed their mutual husband and tried to addict her stepson to be her next sugar daddy so they were celebrating the end of the tacky, Your Honor."

"That is tacky on all parties then." He shuffled some papers. "I see yet another request to carry on this lawsuit." He looked up at that side. "Did I not say that I was not accepting any more of those?"

"Our client's extremely busy with his political drive of the moment, Your Honor," that lawyer said. "He has no time to attend these meetings."

"Yet, Miss DeCriths got out of an infirmary bed a few days back and is attending. He doesn't have two hours?"

"He's in the midwest today," one of them said.

Darcy frowned, looking it up on her phone. "He's in California today." She dropped the phone again. The judge glared at her. She stared back. "Correcting an assumption, Your Honor."

"How would you know?"

"I'm on the mailing list of a few groups that are presently picketing his speech today."

"Interesting to know. Is that what this lawsuit is about?"

"No, it's about their client not being able to keep his hands to himself," Brian reminded him. "He actively tracked my client through part of a civic center to grope her, Your Honor, then kept escalating it until she finally had to threaten his life to make him leave her alone. That's the baseline then a lot of things happened afterward."

"How many of those were her fault?" the judge demanded.

"Not a one," Brian said. "She didn't promise the charities she worked with money to fire her and then not pay," he said dryly. "Or send out contracts on her life. Or work with a terrorist organization to go after my client." The judge gaped. He looked at the file. "You only have the file on the charities, Your Honor. The full file is about a box thick now."

"I've seen that box. I'm over the charity problems, Mr. Dandiwist. Not the full suit."

"Oh, that's fine. I thought you were over both."

"I am but they're not combined."

"I'm going to offer a motion tomorrow to combine them, Your Honor. That way they're not too trying for you to handle and try to keep apart."

"I figured you were," he agreed. He looked over what he had. "I have evidence on his letterhead signed in his name but how can you prove he wrote them?"

"Your Honor, do you see a fingerprint report?" Brian asked.

He looked then pulled it out to look at, frowning. "I do see one here that lists the fingerprints on a document by an FBI level lab that's been used by the court before. How did you get the other reference samples?"

"They were already on file," Brian said with a small smile. "He had to be fingerprinted for his gun license, Your Honor," he said at the stink eye he received. "Both his sons have ones with their hunting permits."

"I see. So they compared to already gathered samples." Brian nodded. "Wonderful." He let the other lawyer see it. "As you can see, they presented evidence of who touched that one letter."

"That should cover two letters, Your Honor," Brian said.

He looked and nodded. "It does list two letters and both have a few names in common. Who is that female name?" he asked.

That lawyer looked. "His assistant, Your Honor." He read it over, trying not to wince. He looked at Brian. "What would your client take to get rid of this part of this lawsuit?"

"He pays them," Darcy said. "Plus twenty percent for the court costs and aggravation. I'm only supporting them in this one and filed to have this put under the other lawsuit since he did it because I was me."

The lawyers shared a look. "Let us talk, Your Honor. May we have twenty minutes? That way Miss DeCriths can get a drink to take her medicine with?"

"I need a full meal to do that but I could use a water," she agreed. "But I'd have to put in a clause saying he'd actually pay them within a month's time as he has that bad habit."

They stared at her. "That's not nice," one of them said.

She shrugged. "Who said I'm nice? He stopped me helping a lot of people for his vanity because I told him no. He's acting like a spoiled child. For that matter, so does his daughter. I had the misfortune of being at an event with her last month and she was trying to spread rumors that I had AIDS. Thankfully the person she told that to asked me and I went to yell at her little mind about that. It embarrassed her but she shouldn't be telling tales like she's in school. The rest of us grew up."

They slumped. "We can discuss that clause," they decided. "May we, Your Honor?"

"Take thirty," he agreed. "Miss DeCriths, go ahead and get some water or something from the cafeteria downstairs."

"Thank you, Your Honor." She looked at the bailiff, who let her out of the office with her purse. He did radio about her going down there and coming back with a drink. She smiled at the bailiff she ran into in the elevator. "Caf?" He pushed the right button. "Thanks."

"Welcome, miss."

She got off and got a water and a bottled coffee for Brian, he liked those. She paid and went back up there, handing it over to him since he was in the hallway. "I thought you might need a drink too."

"I am a bit dry," he agreed, shaking it and opening it to sip. "How you feeling?"

"Just a bit tired and dizzy. It's about how I felt earlier."

"Okay. If you pass out, don't make me catch you." She smiled, punching him on the arm. A bailiff came toward him. "Don't even. It was a friendly thing, she's not threatening me. If my client wanted to threaten me, she'd actually hit me."

"You sure?" he asked, glaring at Darcy.

"I'm quite sure I'm not threatening my friend and lawyer," Darcy said. "I've hit him on the arm a few times in the last year or so. Frankly, I'm not going to threaten him unless he sells me to HYDRA or something." Brian choked while he laughed, shaking his head. "I promise, I'm not mean to him. I only encourage him to be mean and evil."

"My client is correct, Bailiff, thank you though," he said, wiping his mouth off. The judge came to the doorway. "Sorry, Your Honor. A slight misunderstanding. Darcy swatted me on the arm so the bailiff was worried."

The judge looked at him. "She'd just punch him if she wanted to. She hangs out with Avengers."

"I work for the Maria Stark Foundation," she agreed, smiling some. She leaned against a wall. Brian made her sit down. "Yes, dear."

"Thanks." He finished his drink, tossing the bottle into a trash can and popping a breath mint. "It's fine, sir."

"Fine. We're watching. There's a dangerous woman on premises and we're all on high alert."

"I didn't know I was considered dangerous unless someone was coming for me," she said dryly, staring at him. The bailiff stared. She smiled, holding out a hand. "Hi, Darcy DeCriths." He moaned, nodding and walking off calling that in. She looked at Brian then at the other bailiff for this judge. "Am I really considered that scary?"

"Only if you have to be, ma'am, but we're more worried that you're a high profile target that someone will want to take out. As they've proven in the past."

"If so, I'll gladly evacuate myself and Brian if I can so they don't hurt the courthouse."

He smiled. "Thank you." The other lawyers came back. "Sir," he said with a nod at the talking lawyers.

He looked. "Are we ready to restart?"

"Yes, Your Honor," the other lawyer said. "We are willing to negotiate a settlement on this problem."

"Good. It's taking up a lot of the court's energy today." Brian helped Darcy up, making him look at her. "You're pale and shaky."

"I'm fine, Your Honor. I'm still low on caffeine since I could only have tea for over a week. I went from two pots of coffee a day to two mugs of tea a day." He shuddered, going back to his desk. She looked at Brian. "I get real caffeine back tomorrow."

"Congrats," he said. He patted her back. He could feel some tremors so he made sure she sat down first. She looked at him but he shrugged. The judge called them back to order. Someone knocked so the bailiff answered it, taking the mail to hand over. The judge put it aside.

Darcy tipped her head, pointing. "That one's bleeding." The judge looked and grimaced, handing it to the bailiff, who had someone come get it open it in security.

"Thank you, Miss DeCriths," the judge said. "All right, has the defendant made a decision?"

"We have no qualms about the stated stipulations outside the payment time penalty," the lead lawyer said. "With the election...."

Brian shook his head. "It might actually look good on him to look responsible for once," he said. "And while we can extend it to two months we would insist on a stiffer financial penalty if he somehow forgot he needed to pay them," he said, looking at them then at the judge.

"I'm not sure that's reasonable," the judge said.

"He's got a proven history of not paying people," Brian said. "There's over twelve hundred people who have sued him for non-payment in the last five years, Your Honor. He's tried to get out of it via bankruptcy and I'd like this one to be refused that relief."

The judge considered it. "I've seen articles stating he's not paid people." Brian pulled up some on his tablet, letting the judge see the judicial records of liens against the orange one's estates. "That is a lot of liens for non-payment." He licked his lips. "I will allow the two months time limit but if he has not paid in that time I'm going to make it double the original promised and not paid amounts."

He handed the tablet back. He looked at those lawyers. "And I am going to put in there that he can not discharge this debt via bankruptcy. I'm surprised no one's confiscated his estate to sell to pay off those judicial liens, gentlemen. I would suggest they not give me a reason. Unlike those other ones, I have no patience." He glanced at Darcy, who was testing her pulse. "Are you ill again?"

She shook her head. "No, Your Honor. I'll be fine. It's just about time for my medicine." She frowned but let it clear up almost immediately. "I'm fine."

"If I can ask what happened?" the judge asked.

"Someone poisoned me and a friend's dog the same day I was kidnaped from the tower."

"Kidnaped?" the other side sneered.

"I was removed from the tower while unconscious," Darcy told him. "So yes, that is kidnaping."

"That is a definition case," the judge agreed. "Why?"

"Not totally sure," she admitted. "I don't think they were related but no one's told me the reason behind either one. All I know is the dog's poisoning was to make the owner go back to being an agent. That one went to the jail via the ER."

"Where did you end up?" the judge asked.

"Some underwater lab. The Coast Guard helped me and others when two of the three of us they took escaped."

"Couldn't get the third?" the other side's junior lawyer sneered.

"We were underwater and she had a machine on her back burning through her flesh," Darcy told him. "Do you think that would've went well?"

He slumped. "Probably not."

The judge cleared his throat. "That's disgusting. I hope they find out who it was."

"Me too," Darcy agreed. "I owe them a few hits."

The judge nodded. "Let's get back to the agreement to settle this matter." They worked over the agreement. Darcy signed it and handed it over. "Your client has one week to sign that or he'll have to start over and I will be putting on an additional penalty," the judge said. "By noon that day, gentlemen." They nodded, taking it to go see their client's assistant. He looked at them. "Have a good day, Miss DeCriths."

"Thank you, Your Honor," she said quietly. "Let me go back to work and have lunch." She stood up. Brian stood up and helped her. "I'm good, Brian."

"Don't care." He grinned. "I'm going to model good, mannerly behavior for younger lawyers." He walked her out and took her back to the tower. He handed her to a guard. "She's a bit shaky but she's fine."

"Thank you, sir. Dr. Foster was pouty about lunch, Miss Lewis."

"I can do lunch now." She grinned, kissing Brian on the cheek. "Thanks, Brian." He grinned, heading to his own lunch date. She signed in and went upstairs. FRIDAY dropped the elevator on the lab floor so she strolled that way. Emma spotted her first since she was looking out in the hall to find something interesting to stare at and opened the door with a squeal to pounce her. "Hey, sprout."

"You're shaking! Are you cold!"

"No, I need lunchies." She grinned and her mother came out pulling up her hair. "Lunch?"

"Gladly. The science is hiding from Emma since she doesn't like math." They went up to the main area to eat. The dogs were napping in there on Natasha and Bruce. He was staring at Conor, who was using him as a comfy lap until he sniffed his human.

"Be gentle, Conor," Darcy warned. "Don't hurt the Bruce." The dog sniffed Bruce then lapped him before hopping off without making him groan. "He does that to Clint and Bucky both."

"Thanks. I didn't want to have that sort of pain from claws." He got up but Lucky pounced him to make him sit down again. "Hi, Lucky," he said dryly. The dog stared at him. "I ate. I promise I ate."

"Lucky," Natasha said, petting him. He licked her hand but laid on Bruce again, getting comfortable. Bruce was shaking his head but the dog was insistent. Even more than Conor had been. Lighter than the other dog though. "He listens like his human."

"I don't think Clint's ever sat on my lap," Bruce quipped. "Darcy, are you all right?"

"Time for meds and lunch, Bruce."

"Eat something then we'll see." She nodded, going to help Jane fix lunch for them.

"Eww, salad," Emma complained.

"It's good for you. Before you end up that short for your whole life," Darcy said, staring down at her. "Do you want to always be that short?"

"No," she pouted.

"Then you gotta eat veggies. Even Clint eats veggies." She pouted at her mother. Darcy leaned down, one hand on the counter to make sure she didn't fall over. "You know, there's people who only eat veggies," she told her with a smirk. "Your dad likes that idea." Emma got wibbly lips and begging eyes. "There's all sorts of kids who grow up eating nothing but veggies and yogurt. At least we let you have other things. Do you want to go vegan?"

"No!" she said, still pouting. Now her arms were crossed over her chest. She blinked up at Darcy. "Can we at least have cookies? We can mail cookies to those poor kids that only get veggies."

"There's ways to make vegan cookies but you can't use the good stuff in them."

"We can mail them some," she promised. "Even the oatmeal ones that Mom tried to make and burned."

"Hey!" Jane complained, staring at her. "Your father liked them."

"Daddy likes most things you do, Mom." She looked up at Darcy. "We need to help those kids."

"Then I'd learn how to look things up so you can bring your mom good ideas on how to show them that other things will help them grow up better," Darcy said with a grin. "That's research and a bit ahead of you, but I'm pretty sure you're that smart. If not, you can start on it next year. When you can read better."

"I read good," she defended.

"Then go look up how vegans eat," Darcy told her. Emma huffed but got FRIDAY to pull up a virtual screen so she could google it. Darcy grinned at Jane, who winked back.

"Ewww, they eat brussel sprouts?"

"Those are those things that you liked fried," Jane told her, handing her a sandwich. Emma sat there to read over things while she and Darcy ate their food and salads. Darcy took her meds as soon as she had food in her stomach so that helped a lot. She quit shaking a few minutes later.

Emma looked at them. "They don't eat meat? Dad would never allow that."

"Half of the warriors on Asgard are vegetarians," Jane told her. "They're the ones that need a tan usually." Emma grimaced but got back to reading. "Are you going to help me this afternoon?"

"Nope. These ones need help more, Mom." She ate another bite while reading, swinging her legs back and forth while she considered it. "If they can't eat animal stuff, does that mean no milk?"

"Soy or almond milk," Darcy said. She pulled up a wiki page on that topic. "You soak the nuts and then grind stuff or however."

"Huh. That's stupid." She went back to her reading.

"Hey, some kids have no food and eat bugs," Darcy told her. "You're really lucky you're not in a country where that's normal."

"Can we help them?" she asked. "Send them cookies too?"

"They need real food, not cookies," Jane told her daughter.

Emma grimaced, opening up another screen to look at that topic too. "Does Asgard have stuff that could help?"

"A few but we're not allowed to bring samples down here in case they do funny things to other crops," Jane said. She stuffed her mouth. "We're working on that one."

"Good!" She went back to reading, frowning and sniffling at some of those poor kids who had to eat bugs and oatmeal stuff. They definitely needed soup and cookies and stuff.

Thor walked in, kissing his daughter on the head. "Good afternoon, daughter."

"Hi, Daddy." She pointed. "Can we sneak some plants down here to test to see if people who have to eat bugs and oatmeal all the time can eat that too?"

"We're waiting on approval," he told her.

"Oh. How long will that take?"

"I have no idea," he admitted. "We are working on it."

She nodded. "We have to help them, Daddy. They eat bugs and are happy that they get them."

"Some people are that poor," he agreed. "It speaks well of you that you care about them."

"We need to send the kids who can only eat veggies over there. Or maybe their parents because that would make those kids eat veggies and give their kids a break so it'd do good for both of them."

"Veggies don't grow that well over there or they'd be eating veggies," Jane said patiently.

Emma stared at her. "Why won't they grow?"

"That depends on the area. Some of them are having a drought," Darcy said. She sipped some water to keep down the food that was upsetting her stomach. She still got up and ended up running for the nearest bathroom.

"Darcy?" Jane called, following her to help her.

"It was probably too much on a sensitive stomach," Bruce called. "Let me up, Lucky. I need to check on Darcy." The dog got off him so he could go check on her.

Thor sat down to show her why those children were poor and had not enough food. Emma was scowling but perhaps one day she'd come up with a solution. She was muttering about plots to help them get vegetables instead of bugs, and maybe cookies too. "There are those that send them food."

"The oatmeal stuff?" she demanded. Her father nodded. "Hmm. Is Auntie Darcy okay?"

"Her stomach was a bit upset," he said, petting over her hair. "We can look at those groups to see if you wish to help them." She nodded, letting him look those up for her.

"They don't give veggies or cookies?" she demanded, scowling at it.

"Vegetables go bad fairly quickly if they're not preserved by canning or freezing," Thor said patiently. "Neither of which would do those people much good."

"Oh. That sucks." He nodded. "Can we figure out how to get them veggies?"

"We can work on that if you wish."

She smiled and nodded. "We should. They need to take some of the veggies from the kids who can't eat anything but veggies and send them to those kids."

"Maybe some day you'll figure out how to do that," he agreed. "Though children who are vegetarians are mostly that way due to their parents."

"I know but they need daddy and mommy lessons," she said, looking totally serious. "How evil are they that they don't even make real cookies! They make fake cookies with icky things like fake milk, Dad!"

He smiled. "They seem to enjoy it enough and you cannot dictate what others do, daughter."

"I know but still!" She finished her sandwiches as she read. Her mother didn't need her sandwich, she had an icky salad.

Thor shook his head. At least he never wondered what was on his daughter's mind with the way she mumbled to herself. She was much like her mother most of the time.

Bruce and Jane walked Darcy down to the infirmary, the dogs following them. The doctor waved them at a room and paused to let all three dogs in before following the weird procession. "What happened?" the doctor asked.

"Threw up lunch," Darcy complained, pouting at him. "Salad hurts on the way back up."

"Yes it can," he agreed. He pulled out his stethoscope to start an exam.

Bruce let him by getting out of the way and Jane hovered in the corner for now. She could stay out of the way.

***

"Hey, Miss Elizabeth," Darcy said as she got out of Clint's car with the dogs. "Are you okay?"

"You look like hell, Darcy child."

Darcy gave a weak smile. "I thought I was okay enough to eat peanut butter. I was wrong. The salad was okay but not the sandwich." She leaned on the car. "Go pee, dogs." They went to pee on things. She looked at her. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine but we've been hearing strange rumors." She stared at her.

Darcy nodded. "I bought the building. I'll be fixing them over the next few months. The rent's not going to increase. If we have to move you temporarily during the move, we'll stick you in that open apartment for a few weeks." Miss Elizabeth was staring at her oddly. "It's safer. I didn't need that sort of problem on top of the others."

"Will the rents pay for all that and the mortgage?" she asked.

Darcy smiled. "I inherited some money, Miss Elizabeth. It's okay. I promise. We worked things out so they're going to stay calm and I can quit being so panicky about weird people around here." She looked over, spotting Lucky staring at Clint's brother, then back at her. "They were trying to get me to leave because I'm not easily cowed." She yawned. "The first thing being fixed is the elevator." She grinned. "The construction guys I hired agreed."

"That'll help a lot," she agreed. "How long will all that fixing take?"

"They said six months total for everything that needs to be done, including the stairs and the hallways plus all the apartment fixes. Miss Maisy let us in and gave us a list of stuff she's noticed going wrong."

"She said someone came to look it over so we knew we had a new landlord. Are you sure you want to do that?"

"Yeah." She smiled and nodded. "I love this little neighborhood. Nowhere else would put up with the dogs running to visit Bucky." The older lady laughed, nodding. She looked over. "Lucky, fetch the other two," she called. "It's time for the couch." She looked at Miss Elizabeth again. "I'd rather be able to eat peanut butter instead of salad but I'm going to have to eat light stuff for another week." She grimaced.

"You poor thing." She smirked at her. "Why were you sick? You weren't pregnant, right?"

"No. I got poisoned like Lucky did. Possibly by the same plot." Miss Elizabeth groaned, shaking her head. "Yeah, that's why I've been in the infirmary for the last few days. I *so* wanted a pizza tonight and it'll probably be too heavy."

Clint walked over with Bucky and the dogs. "Pizza might be okay. You can get a small one and put it into the fridge if it's too much after the first few bites." He stared at her. "You should be on the couch by now."

"I'm setting the rumors straight." She grinned at him then at Miss Elizabeth. "The construction people are finding me a nice person to do the maintenance stuff. They give second chances to non-felony criminals and former agents who just really want a normal life again."

"That's sweet. Robbers?"

"No, ma'am, and the construction guy is *rabid* about watching his people. He's only had one that went bad and he turned him in. It's the same group that'll be doing the building on the other side of Clint's."

"That's nice. I'm hoping we won't be getting those weird, bearded folks." She frowned at Bucky. "You should shave before they think you're one of them. There's no telling what sort of cult things they'll be talking you into soon."

"It's bad enough they tried to get me into yoga," Bucky told her. She giggled, swatting his arm. "My razor broke or I would've shaved this morning." He looked at Darcy. "You go lay down."

"I'm going. I'm resting right now, Bucky. I'm okay, I just can't eat anything too heavy and solid. Apparently peanut butter was worse than I thought." She looked at the older lady. "I'm going to put the apartments as rent controlled but I'm hoping I get solid, decent folk here, Miss Elizabeth. People like me, Clint, you, Miss Maisy. People who'll want to help the neighborhood be more energetic and like to walk in the park, all that. Most of the hipsters I know are a bit too weird and they're kinda sketchy. I'll let them all live in the arty section of DUMBO."

Miss Elizabeth smiled. "No rent increase?"

"No. No rent increase. I'll be sending a note around tomorrow. I needed printer ink to print it off." That got a nod. "You know how I am and I'm not mean. I'm not too weird. I'm not going to let people who'll threaten us all move in. Frankly, rent is stupid in this area. So high and it's unreasonable."

Miss Elizabeth smiled and patted her on the arm. "You're a good egg, girl. Go rest. Let those two hovering men get you tea and stuff."

"I finally get coffee back tomorrow," Darcy said with a smile. "It's been over a week." Miss Elizabeth walked off laughing. "Okay, dogs. Couch time!" She pointed. They ran inside and up the stairs. Darcy looked at the two hovering snipers. "You can come watch me lay on the couch too if you want."

"Please," Clint agreed. "Since the doctor said someone had to or else he was going to do an autopsy on my living body." She snorted but walked off shaking her head. He looked at Bucky. "She came back from the courthouse shaky," he said quietly. "Threw up lunch, and then went back to the infirmary before hitting her desk again."

"She's a seriously tough dame," Bucky agreed. "Dinner?"

"Has to be lighter than a salad." They walked up together. "She's had a few of those over the last few days." Darcy was already half-redressed. She was stuck in her shirt so Clint undid the zipper for her. She grinned and kicked the door shut. "Do you want to try a pizza tonight, Darce?"

"Please. I miss cheese."

"Okay, we can try that. If not, Bucky and I can finish it." He went to get one from across the street. The pizza guys all stared at him. "Darcy's actually allowed to try to eat a pizza again." A few grinned, hiding it by ducking behind their card hands. "It's a happy night. She can have coffee in the morning." A few more laughed. "It's the same as it was, guys. She's just a bit shaky still." He paid for the pizza and took it after glancing inside. It was just cheese but they could handle that.

Darcy was on the couch with Bucky making tea. The dogs were scattered around her. Conor was in her lap since she was laying down. Cutey was on the back of the couch. Lucky was pacing between the windows in the main living area. Clint put the pizza on the table and stopped his dog. "I've got it. Settle in." The dog whined. "Sure, we'll go for a run in a bit. Or do you need out for a walk?" The dog barked but ran to sniff at the pizza. "I know, you're a pizza hound."

Bucky shook his head. "Did the vet like that?"

"Better pizza than a whole pie, a sock, a towel, or three pounds of cheese," Darcy said dryly, petting her dog. "Or whipped cream, or berries, which got spread around the floor as he tried to get the bitter taste out. Or peaches, complete with stones. Or soap that once by accident. Or the stuff that's inside the chicken that he stole. Along with the raw chicken."

"I think it shows a lot of brains that he managed to figure out the spray can of whipped cream," Clint quipped.

Bucky stared at him then at Conor. "I'm glad you haven't tried to get into my fridge."

"He's very smart," Darcy said with a grin for him. "He's figured out all sorts of locks that we put on the fridge."

"Chains and a padlock gave too much room," Clint said. "Cutey helped by climbing inside the fridge to drop food out."

"Yes, I remember waking up to grapes and berries all over the kitchen," Darcy said, looking at her innocent, napping dog. She looked at Bucky. "They're really smart little asses."

"Yes, it seems they are. Just like their humans."

Clint hid his laughing by getting plates for the pizza. He looked down and stepped over Scott, getting a wave and a grin back. Sure, he could watch over Darcy too. She could use it.

***

Darcy wobbled into her office the next morning, without the dogs, and settled down with a sigh of pleasure. She looked up as the doctor who had taken care of her came to her doorway. "I made it through breakfast," she said happily. "And coffee!"

"What would you do if I told you that you shouldn't have coffee for another six weeks?" he asked with a wince.

"I'd choke you to death," she said dryly. "Why can't I have coffee? I need coffee. Health studies have proven that coffee's good for people too."

"We didn't realize that the poison reacts with caffeine, makes you dizzy and unstable, because dogs can't have caffeine anyway." She glared at him. "Sorry."

"Well, that explains why I wobbled in this morning," she said dryly. "Any side effects outside vertigo? I can wear flats or sneakers for a bit if I have to."

"It could cause blood pressure fluctuations and increased heartburn."

"I can fix those," she said with a nod. "Coffee's just that important."

He nodded. "Try to keep it at very low levels if you can."

"I can try. Thanks for letting me know, Doc."

"Welcome, Miss Lewis. Is that why you were dizzy this morning?"

"Probably. I usually have two cups of coffee with breakfast."

"Switch to decaf?"

"That's an evil psychological warfare from the stupidheads who want people to be sleepy," she told him, looking totally serious. "But I can keep to tea most of the day."

"Might be a good idea," he agreed. "Let me know if you have any other problems." He left her to get to work, wincing when he heard her hit her head on the desk. He passed by Barton in the hallway. "Keep her low on caffeine for two weeks, Barton. We didn't realize that the poison reacts with it to cause vertigo and blood pressure problems."

"Damn, I just got her this coffee too." He looked in the cup then at him.

"A few isn't going to do more than make her dizzy. A ton...like she usually drinks, it's probably not going to go well for her."

"I can handle that. Thanks for letting me know."

"Dogs can't have caffeine so we didn't realize."

"It happens, Doc. She won't be mad at you." He carried her coffee in there, letting her have it. "Fortunately it's not a high octane blend." She gave him a weak smile. "It'll be okay. You can work your way back up to the caffeine whore status you used to have."

"We need to give that to some of the dirty agents to make them suffer." She sipped her coffee with a moan. "Oh, perfect, Clint. Thank you."

"Welcome. Sip slowly." She grinned. He went to check in with Natasha and Steve. Scott was back to full size and already kicked back on a couch. "She's low caffeine because we didn't realize it could hurt her."

Natasha winced. "That will not be pleasant."

"She's been on tea only for the last few weeks," Clint said.

"Still. Does it cause a relapse?" she asked.

"Dizzy, blood pressure problems," he told her.

"I can listen for her to start to fall into the wall." She went back to making her breakfast. Things would soon get back to normal around the group. Stark proved it by trying to blow up his lab with his latest creation, making Natasha sigh as she walked her breakfast down there to see what he had done this time.

The End.
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