Yeah, That's Illegal.






Darcy Lewis looked at the judge in this sealed hearing. Her lawyer and the SHIELD lawyer had both asked to have the hearing sealed from anyone not involved and only audio records being taken. The sides had different reasons to do so, but SHIELD didn't want to be embarrassed by being found to be dumbasses. Darcy's was for her own protection. "Your Honor, before we begin, may I ask a question?"

"Go ahead," he sighed.

"Do you have a security rating? Because I have files pertinent to this problem that they're having and mine aren't classified or marked as classified, but the incident itself has been classified as it let them find multiple dirty agents." She pulled out a stack of folders to hand to her lawyer, who smirked a tiny bit at that. "As I know my lawyer has a very small clearance I was not at liberty to share those with him until this point when it became necessary."

"I'll have that noted in the records so he doesn't have agents show up on his doorstep in the middle of the night," the judge agreed patiently. "And I have a security rating of 8, Miss Lewis."

"This was classified at level 10 by the Secret Service." The lawyer for SHIELD started and stared at her. "Apparently no one at SHIELD has that high of a clearance or they're as illiterate as I thought they were."

"I think, if it is pertinent, then that will be all right. May I glance through it before ruling on it's pertinence?" The lawyer held it out for the bailiff to take. "Thank you, Mr. Murdock."

"Welcome, Judge Henrys." He turned his head toward his client. "Really, now?"

She patted him on the hand and leaned closer. "That's only one section," she said in his ear. "The rest is rated at level 19 and above only. It let them find over twenty dirty agents in three agencies and their ties to not only terrorist groups but a few different flavors of the mob." He winced but nodded once. "And it's going to get messy," she said less quietly. She sat up again, looking at the judge while he read.

He paused at one thing and was staring at it then swallowed and moved on. Darcy figured he was maybe halfway to the really bad shit, but she'd let him find out for himself. The judge paused again, staring at her. She shrugged a bit so he went back to it. Clearly the next page started the really bad things as he went pale and sipped some water. Then he closed the file.

"Why is this pertinent, Miss Lewis?"

"Because they're trying to force me to go undercover in that same manner to help three agents who they stupidly put there without having read up on the history, Your Honor. The first I knew of it, I had Director Fury walking smugly into my present job and trying to blackmail me into going back.

"Apparently he was under the impression that I had *participated* instead of being a victim of it. When I pointed out that he had faulty information and that clearly he hadn't read a thing he said he had read enough. Thereby proving his illiteracy. Because if he had read even as much as you did, he wouldn't have been in my face trying to force me to go back there."

"No, he wouldn't have." He put the file aside. "And we're here because you're suing them for that?"

"And for trying to kill me by putting out my address. Again. Which meant I had to actually be saved by *two* Avengers members and a few others who wear costumes in this city." He winced but nodded once. "Not to mention I had to break my vow not to spill blood to do just that when I had to shoot three agents my own self." The SHIELD lawyer moaned.

"Frankly, if they weren't illiterate and had chosen to have someone at least glance through that file, and the full one that's in their files as well as the FBI's, the Secret Service's, and the NSA's, then they might have saved us all a lot of problems and they wouldn't have lost sixteen agents in the last two weeks.

"Mostly to injuries and jail but three they've lost permanently. And one of those was me defending myself when they broke into my apartment to steal me. I asked and taped it." She pointed at the tape on the table. "In front of NYPD officers who responded to my alarm."

"Shit," the judge muttered. "All right. I'm going to provisionally put this into evidence. If it comes up, I will allow the SHIELD people to see this version so they can compare it to their own or another agency's version."

"We have no information on anything like that, sir. She's just a lab assistant!"

"Clearly you haven't read anything either," the judge snapped. "Miss Lewis, would they know?"

"If they had done a search on my name, which they'd have to do to put me together with that incident, then yes it would've popped up. Hell, even HYDRA knew that because one of their dirty agents tried to call me by my original name until he died of Thor hitting him to save me and Dr. Jane Foster."

The judge blinked. "You know Thor?"

"I work for his ex-girlfriend, Dr. Jane Foster, Your Honor."

"Okay. That's good to know. Was he the avengers member that helped you?"

"No. He's not down here right now. Hasn't been for three weeks." The judge nodded, making a note of that. "I can ask them to appear if you request."

"No, that's fine. It'd make it a spectacle." He looked at the SHIELD lawyer, then at the man sitting next to them. "Director Fury, do you know her original name?" He nodded once. "Then look it up please?" He did and saw a file he let the judge see. The judge handed the tablet to Darcy, who got into the right file and handed it back. "Oh, he misspelled."

"An extra 'E' that most people put on there. I had teachers do it for years," she agreed.

Nick Fury read that file, grimacing. He looked at her. "You could still help."

"Apparently you're still illiterate, Fury. Keep reading until you get to November of that second year." Fury glared but did that and sat up suddenly. "That's probably July, when I figured out their little trick." He kept reading. "Your Honor, would it be permissible to offer up a suggestion that SHIELD change directors?"

"Probably not," he said dryly. "That's not my jurisdiction, young lady."

"That's fine."

"The one you want is dead," Fury shot back.

"Bullshit. Saw him in London during the clean up of the mess we made defending the city since SHIELD never answered," Darcy shot back with a grin. "Have pictures to prove it." Fury glared. She stared back. Then she smiled and waved a hand. "You're clearly not at November yet. You haven't thrown that tablet."

"I've read enough."

"Keep going," the judge ordered. "Were you put into witness protection due to that incident or another one?" the judge asked her.

"I was put into witness protection because a few of the agents that weren't dirty sold my address, name, and information to the people I had turned in. Which then let them arrest another nineteen agents." The judge winced at that. Matt Murdock patted her on the arm.

"They had to protect me from three different flavors of mafia, plus the original problem, and other agents who got mad that I had turned in ones for light little offenses like child sexual assault and murder. I'm told the NSA agents who did the sending out were very sorry when their bosses shot them a week later because they were of no more use to them. Which is when an agent showed up at my door and told me I needed to go into hiding and my name was now Darcy Lewis."

Nick Fury stiffened and glared at her. "That was you?"

She looked at him. "If you're in August or September, all I did was report that I saw an agent there and why. The agent I talked to was dirty as well apparently because he warned the other one. So I looked up and called the tip line at the Pentagon because there was a general there, and then I called the one for NCIS, and they broke down doors. If you're in October, I managed to get myself free and escape back home. Keep going though." She waved a hand, staring at him. He glared but put the tablet down.

"Do keep reading, Director," the judge ordered. Fury huffed but did and did throw down his tablet on the table and get up to walk out and swear in the hallway. "I believe he found it. Mister Rodness, is that in November?"

He looked at the tablet. "Dated October 12th, Your Honor."

"The day I got kidnaped," Darcy said dryly. "Thankfully I was too pretty and wouldn't make as much money if they hurt me the way they wanted to." She glared at Fury when he came back. "Keep going. Please," she said with an icy smile. "There's much more than that." He sat down to read with a huff but then groaned. "Wow, you made it to November." Fury glared and kept going then winced and put the tablet down carefully. She looked at the judge.

The judge looked at Fury. "Your idea of getting her involved to help your agents, would that be suitable with that file?"

"No," he said bluntly. "Had I known this, I would have handled things differently, Your Honor."

"Coulson knew," Darcy said. "He found out in New Mexico and asked me about my former life and I told him it was classified for a reason then I told my oversight agent to talk to him. He did not like that talk apparently. I told you to talk to him too, and you refused."

The judge looked at her. "I have no reason to tell you to calm down, but please do not snap at him in here, Miss Lewis. Clearly he wasn't doing his job correctly as an intelligence agent, but this courtroom is not to be sullied by a shouting match if we can help it."

"Not a thought I had, Your Honor."

"Thank you." He looked at her lawyer then at the other lawyer. "Is your client going to conceded that they caused that level of problem and just give in? It may be the best for everyone."

Nick Fury considered it then nodded. "Within limits. She asked for an excessive amount of damages."

"I gotta live somehow when I have to change identities again," she quipped. "Not like I can stay with Jane now."

"We can take all that out," Fury told her.

She snorted. "No you can't. Your dirty agents have passed it on to the mob. I had to get *Avengers* members to save me, Fury. Plus two others in costume. Hell, I ran into Deadpool and he had heard!" Fury grimaced but nodded once. "There's no way you can undo your issue this time in a way that means I'm safe and Jane's safe around me."

"We can try. We can move her to a safer location with you."

"Foster doesn't work for you. You proved SHIELD's intent by stealing all our stuff. Then trying to weaponize her work. Even if it would save Jane I'd have her go to Asgard instead. Shit, I'd have her go to Loki and ask to be a concubine." Fury glared. She stared back. Matt patted her on the arm.

"Frankly, Your Honor, I'm going to have to move for my own safety. Before the people coming after me harm more innocent people like they did yesterday firing on the cab I was in on my way to a safe house, which they followed after trying to shoot me and the driver. Which is how I ran into Deadpool actually."

The judge considered it. "Director, would you agree that's a logical outcome?"

"I'd like to think we could protect her."

"I'd like to think that the director is living in a fantasy world," Matt Murdock said. "I was witness to the attempted shooting last week, Your Honor. That's when she hired me as her lawyer. When we had Hawkeye and the Punisher both saving her from the mob."

"Two mobs," she quipped dryly. "With a third coming in to help."

Fury huffed. "We can move you to a safe location with Foster." Darcy snorted, looking over at him. "We can protect you."

"No you can't. Or actually, you won't. You'll let the security slip one night, in a few months when you think it's more safe for me. And it'll get most of whatever facility taken out, probably including Jane. Then you'll blame your agents who failed, who were probably already dead, to get out of it." She stared at him. "I'm not the naive one I was at fifteen, Fury. I know how much the system doesn't work and doesn't care about one woman. Or even one kid.

"I used to believe in justice and all that, and then I had to deal with it." She stared at him. "To you, I'm an inconvenient obstacle you need to sweep under the rug before the new Security Council bites you. Since the files named two of them originally...." She shrugged. "I knew in New Mexico I couldn't trust you. Your thugs proved it, and they proved it again this last month."

"We can move you both to somewhere no one would look."

"I don't want to go to the other eight realms. I might run into more of those elves we had invading London and have to fight them again. I'm not built for that."

"We'll get you back to Stark tower tonight."

"No we won't," she shot back. "Because they tried to bomb it last week!" Fury winced sharply. Matt patted her arm again so she calmed back down. She took a deep, calming breath then looked at the judge. "I need to talk to my oversight handler, Your Honor. That way I know if he has plans."

"He got car bombed yesterday," Fury said quietly.

She glared at him. "If it was your people I'm telling his wife and kids."

"It wasn't us, Lewis. We're not the evil in the universe."

She snorted. "Sure. That's why we had to defeat a whole lot of stupid your people brought on my head." He sat back again. She looked at the judge. Then behind her at the three agents there. "Does that mean one of you is my new oversight handler?" One raised a hand. "When am I going?"

"Tonight," he agreed. "After this. Foster packed your things. You're going uptown for right now to a safe house." She nodded once. "She said she stole your stuffed cat?"

"I can't have a real one with her."

"Point I guess." He looked at the judge. "Your Honor, we're going to have to take some pretty unstandard moves to get her safely out of harm's way this time. And we do not mind that she shared that file with you. We thought she was a standard witness until about three hours ago when her file was handed over by the higher ups who had been hiding it." She rolled her eyes but he smirked. "One of them thought there wasn't any more danger. Then he looked at it and realized we're still dealing with that issue." She nodded then sighed. "So we've got to evacuate her soon."

"That's fine. Unless there's new evidence of how it wasn't SHIELD that managed to set off this incident, I think I've heard about enough."

"No, Your Honor, I did not read well enough to know anything about this. Our files were hidden. The one she accessed wasn't in the data dump done before HYDRA collapsed us. We rebuilt our system with those first and the other sources of files were put back as secondary level. I did not do my due diligence to read the entire file."

"Thank you. I find her in favor, and I hope she finds some safety sometime soon. Good luck, Miss Lewis."

"Thank you, Your Honor." She got up and grabbed her messenger bag, letting the agent walk her off. Until they ran into the guy with the gun coming in through the emergency exit, then he forced her back into the courtroom and she got evacuated by Matt Murdock when the shooting started. "He's in dark blue uniform, like the ones we saw in London," she told the bailiff, who called that in. "Handgun, an automatic since I didn't see a revolver cylinder, and he had something strapped to his back."

"Got it," the bailiff said, getting them out a side exit with the judge. Director Fury was behind them and got them to a safer car to take them out of the way. The bailiff, who was a SHIELD agent, called in that the one they wanted had managed to get out of the building. The one shooting went down pretty fast, thanks to an unknown shooter. By the comms system, that same unknown one stopped the SHIELD SUV and got Lewis out to get her and Murdock to safety away from Fury. So a great bit of hell there.

***

Darcy nearly fell through the door to the safe apartment, sliding down the wall to hug her knees. "Fuck."

"Yup," her rescuer said dryly, walking in with Murdock behind him. "Make yourself at home."

"No, I don't want to throw up in a corner," Darcy quipped, sounding exhausted. She looked up at him. "Thank you, Frank."

"Welcome, Lewis." He smirked. "The bailiff was an agent of some kind."

"I noticed the body armor," Matt said, sitting on the couch. "It threw off his body sounds." He looked toward where Darcy was. "Away from a window, Darcy." She looked around and shifted over. "Thanks. Just in case." She nodded, curling up around her bag for now. She needed to rest and not cry. She had to make sure she didn't cry. He looked at Frank. "Who were they?"

"Russian mob. Above the track suit ones that Barton keeps dealing with." He got them both something to drink and sipped his. "Now what?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. The guy with me was supposed to be my new oversight guy."

"He's alive, just injured. Shoulder shot," Frank said. She nodded, relaxing again. Someone knocked so he walked over, hand on his pistol. He looked then let the blonde in. "Karen, what're you doing here?"

"I came to help. You're both protecting some lady." Darcy waved a hand then let it hit the floor. "Okay, that lady."

"That's Darcy Lewis. Jane Foster's assistant," Matt Murdock told his former paralegal. "She helped bring down a child trafficking organization full of very pretty young women who were models. Which meant they found a lot of dirty agents."

Karen winced but nodded. "Sure. We can hide her."

"I need to see where Jane put my stuff," Darcy said. "I'm going to be switched in protective custody." She blinked at Karen. "But thank you."

"Welcome, kiddo."

Darcy grinned. "We're probably about the same age. I'm twenty-nine." She sat up then ducked back down at the sound of a shot outside. "And paranoid. This is seriously raising my usual anxiety up. Jane hopefully packed my valiums too."

Karen smiled. "I know that feeling very well. You should drink." Darcy nodded, taking the bottle of water to drink. Then she curled up again to rest. She really did need a nap. Running for your life was hard work.

Frank and Matt shared a glance then they looked at Karen, who made notes for who to go talk to and what to ask. She was good at that and it'd make her safer.

***

Nick Fury looked at his agents. "Who took out the shooter?" he demanded.

Clint Barton grinned. "Looked shitloads like Frank Castle, boss." Fury spun to stare at him. He wiggled his fingers. "And it was. Whaddya know, he was tracking some of the mob he's after. I was dealing with some of the Russian mob I was having problems with, and we ran into each other when they converged to take out Lewis."

"So what the hell did you do?" Stark demanded from beside Barton. Natasha was on his other side. "Suddenly she's more wanted than the hot new flavor of donut by everyone who's dirty in this city."

"Not just this city," Clint said dryly. "Natasha traced it back to the actual Russians in the Russian mob. So what happened?"

"It's got a high security clearance rating," Hill said as she walked in. She handed over the files Lewis had handed the judge. "I had the agent take them from his desk and leave a note that we had taken them to make sure we had copies then hand them back to her." She looked at her boss, and old friend. "I'm fighting the urge to hit you, Nick. I'm not going to lie." She looked at Barton. "Castle's gone to ground at his backup apartment and her lawyer, Murdock, is there too."

"Can't be much safer than the Punisher and Daredevil," Stark said. "So what the fuck happened?"

"Lewis used to be a teen model," Hill sighed. "She was pretty, kinda picky about her jobs, but pretty enough. Her agent was involved in the trafficking trade however. She found out and turned it in, which went to a dirty agent. So she turned it in to others. Who did step in and helped and we found about thirty bad agents. Then they tried to retaliate by making her testify in person during the trial and publishing her address and things.

"Which found another nineteen dirty agents across a few agencies. Not SHIELD but NSA and FBI mostly." Stark nodded at that. "So they put her into protective custody and let her form a new identity as Darcy Lewis. And now that group has basically gotten big enough that they've gotten notice. We were supposed to ask her to help us get them again but someone didn't read the files and tried to blackmail her into helping us bust them."

She took a calming breath. "Even after finding out she was a victim of it the last time. So one of our presently dirty agents, who is dead now, told the ones who wanted her last time. She embarrassed and helped bring down a multi country, multi billion dollar in eighties and nineties money, trafficking organization. When the higher ups in the mobs in Europe needed a new concubine or breeder, they went to this group. There's a lot of hidden concubines of higher figures from them."

"So she busted them and they got mad," Stark said. "Then the dirty agents got into it and got mad that she took them out." Hill nodded. "And now they're back again because your director is an asshole? Did I get that right?"

Hill nodded. "He didn't read the secondary level files apparently." She looked at him then at Stark. "And she outed in the court that she knew someone was alive."

Fury grunted. "I heard." He looked at Stark. "I offered to have her moved somewhere safe."

"There's nowhere safe with your agents looking over her shoulder," Stark said. "She can't guarantee that they're any less dirty than the other ones were."

"Hey!" Clint complained.

"Not you."

"I know I'm not."

"Yeah but you can't go with her to guard her either."

"No, I can't. I would. I like Darce. She's a neat lady and a good friend."

Stark nodded. "Yeah, she is. Foster is moping hard. She'd probably go with her but that'd mean giving up science."

"We'll have to tell Thor," Natasha said quietly. Stark and Barton both winced and so did Hill and a few other agents. "So how do we fix this screw up without having to take out most of the mafia groups in the world in under a week?"

"We'll probably have to take out a good many," Hill said. "Plus find her somewhere absolutely safe to hide." She looked at Fury. "You have any ideas who could help her? I doubt Castle can handle it for too long. Lewis is too bouncy and active for someone like him."

"Put her on the Raft?" Fury offered. "Surrounded by all the degenerates but they can handle an assault to get her if one happens."

She grimaced. "That's asking to have her murdered, Nick." She looked at Stark. "Did the bomb do damage?"

"To the front entryway. Thankfully nothing more than a few people knocked down. I'd like to talk to that group too if I could."

"Russian mob," Clint told him, shifting some. "Not the one that lives in town but the higher ups with the actual hitters and strategy people. They tried to get in before to steal an arc reactor and failed."

"They were amusing," Natasha said. "For about ten minutes. They also underestimate a woman's value."

Stark grinned at her. "Thanks. Let me know next time?"

"If I must. I told Pepper."

"I'll be talking with her later about that. I can't design good security if I don't know what I'm up against."

"Fine," Natasha agreed.

Clint nodded. "I can hand you what I have on the local ones. They're not real bright though. Their cheap gold chains gave them gold poisoning and it's rotted their brains." Nick Fury stared at him oddly. "They like to try to claim the neighborhood where my off-duty house is," he said dryly. "We're not happy neighbors. But I got a dog." He smirked.

"Lucky is a very good and smart dog," Natasha said with a nod. "I appreciate him more than I do many agents I have to deal with daily. At least when he tries to kiss me it's because he's happy to see me." A few agents looked away from her.

"Go ahead and mildly injure them," Hill ordered. "That way we know to put them in for retraining." She glared at a few agents herself. "Two teams, go stake out Castle's neighborhood to see who's coming and help protect Lewis." A few team leaders nodded, heading off to do that. It was more than two teams but that was fine, they could work that out. She looked at Natasha. "Go find out her plans for us? That way we can help her?"

"I can do so," she agreed, strolling off with Clint behind her. Stark followed since he couldn't really fix things this time. "Stark, can JARVIS remove all mentions of her from the internet?"

"He's been trying but her former modeling jobs have recently gotten some attention with the return to some pin ups and heavier models again. There's even a few agents who showed interest in her if she still had what they needed. She's kept her former identity open on instagram so no one would be looking for Darcy herself. It led the idiots away from her current identity."

"Huh." She nodded. "I'll let her know that." He held up keys, making her smile as she took them. "Thank you. See if you can get the information on her out of there even if her modeling portfolio is more open?"

"I've been trying all night. JARVIS was most amused by the dark web and how little they actually have on there." He walked off to get another way home in his suit.

Clint went with Natasha, they could both make the SHIELD agents set up efficiently so it didn't look like they were quarantining the neighborhood. Which it did. They made the agents fade back to a more hidden watching status so they quit freaking out the normals who lived there.

Natasha knocked on the right door, getting Castle and his gun answering it. "We came to help." She walked around him, Clint nodding as he walked in. She spotted Darcy and sighed. "Good, she needed the rest." She looked at Frank then at Matt. "Any ideas on upcoming plans?"

"Not yet," Matt said. "She had some water and took a nap."

"She's probably not been sleeping well," Natasha said, sitting on the same couch as Matt was. She looked at Frank. "You have backup at the moment."

"I saw," he shot back, grimacing at her. "Why?"

"Nick Fury is very embarrassed and Maria Hill wants to punch him for not reading the files," Clint quipped with a grin. "Nearly did it in front of lesser agents too."

Matt snickered quietly but grinned at them. "That sounds nice of her."

"It does," Frank agreed. "Too bad Lewis didn't hit him in the courtroom."

"He did not like the files she handed the judge," Matt said. "She noted they were rated as level 10 classified after asking about his clearance level." Natasha snickered, nodding some. "Then she told Fury he was illiterate but the judge made him read them and he nearly threw a fit. Got up and stomped out to swear once."

"Good," Natasha said. "Hopefully he won't be that careless again. It was a rookie mistake."

"Then are you sure it's Nick Fury?" Darcy asked, blinking at her. "He's Dumbledore, he's always got a plan up his eyepatch." She sat up. "Are you sure it's him and not his dumb clone?"

Clint texted that and got sworn back at by Hill a moment later. "That is not him. It's his LMD." Natasha sighed. "She's going to fix that as well." He put his phone up and grinned at her. "So, plans?"

"Hiding forever and ever and subtly emailing Jane every now and then to tell her I'm still alive? Unless you can go borrow the Sorcerer Supreme or something to go back to stop him?"

"Stark is putting JARVIS on the matter," Natasha said. "He's removing everything about you from the internet but he's blocked by some of your pictures having a renaissance."

"Fat girls are back in so I'm popular again?" she quipped. "Great!"

"You are not fat," Natasha and Clint both said, followed by Matt.

"Guys, in the modeling world, plus size is size six and I'm a size eight. Yeah, by their standards, I am. And I'm okay with that." She heard a shout and ducked down again. "Maybe I should go do porn, then no one would be looking for me."

"Only creepy guys," Frank reminded her. "And maybe stalkers if you're good at it."

She grinned. "Thanks for the vote of confidence, Frank." He smirked back. She looked at Natasha. "I could probably go buy a small island somewhere. There's a house hunters type show about people buying small islands for homes. Some of them are as low as two-hundred-grand for ones up in Canadian lakes. Though a lot seem to want to go to Roatan for some reason."

"Maybe a boat instead?" Clint offered. "That way you can move when you need to?"

"That could lead to people taking over the ship," Matt said. "There are modern day pirates."

"You could put a security grid up on a small island," Frank agreed. "A ship might be a good idea though and if she does bring Foster with her, that would let her take her science stuff in multiple areas."

"I have no idea how to sail a ship," Darcy said. "I barely remember how to drive since it's been nearly two years now." That got a grin from Natasha. "And I get sea sick something hellish."

"Okay," Clint agreed. "So maybe a boat as a side plan. Maybe with Foster's machines so she can do testing by herself when she wants to."

"She'd hate being alone so often," Darcy said. She looked at Natasha, who was considering it. "Do I need to make more plans beyond moving?"

"That we may have to find out," Natasha admitted. She crossed her legs, looking at Clint and Frank. "Can we get those groups to give up?"

"Not likely, and taking them out would make her a bigger target in retaliation," Clint said, leaning against the wall near where Darcy was settled. "Plus the dirty agents. No telling how many of those there are."

"We know that the ones who were in jail for the first incident are still mostly there," Natasha offered. "But two have gotten compassionate releases for cancer." She looked at Matt and Frank again. "If we could set up a safe location for her, it would help. We'd have to vet the guard team however."

"I can't afford a guard team even if I do get all the money I tried to get SHIELD to pay for this," Darcy said quietly. "I'm doubting I'd get over a few hundred thousand. Enough to set up a house maybe."

"We're going to talk to Fury later about that," Natasha assured her. She texted Hill that to see how much the awarded amount was. She did suggest Darcy get the equivalent of the salary of any agent that falls due to being dirty with this incident. Hill's response said they hoped it wasn't more than two of them. Natasha pointed out the ones she figured were dirty to the same groups. Then she suggested they needed to set Lewis and Foster up somewhere safe. That's what had brought up that question. She put in a quip about that island house hunting show too. Hill's response back 'that's not a bad idea, give me twenty'. "Hill has an idea on an island she thinks." She smirked at Clint. "She thinks we'll only lose two agents."

He snorted. "We've already lost eight." Darcy went pale. "We'll figure it out and wound them for you, Darce. We have agents in the neighborhood watching your back right now."

"They're flashy and visible," Castle agreed. "Easily spotted."

Natasha nodded. "They're young." Castle rolled his eyes. Her phone beeped with a file downloading so she opened it to stare at it. "Nicknamed Scooby Island," she read. "Huh. Multiple paranormal tinted events there, with portals." Darcy stared at her. "Ghostly images showing that it's connected to another place. So many things for Foster to complain about." She scanned through it. "The satellite focused on it has shown a few flying things that look like dinosaurs?" She shook her head quickly. "But they disappeared within a day."

"Bermuda Triangle?" Frank Castle guessed.

"Off the coast of South Carolina," Natasha corrected. She looked up. "It sits on energy lines." He shuddered, shaking his head. "But it does have a house that could use some cleaning at least.

Clint grinned as he shook his head. "I was on the team that went to set up the surveillance when it appeared. Totally freaky, has a closet door that leads to an island in the Mediterranean because we had to fly back from there. The door closed and wouldn't reopen from that side." He grinned at Darcy. "Small plantation style house with a big porch. Not a lot of land but plenty of room for Foster's weird machines with all the duct tape supply in the world and you. I'd suggest a dog too. I know there's monkeys. They were there when we were. They were happily eating the apples in the trees."

Darcy blinked a few times. "Wow."

"Yeah." He grinned and nodded, taking the phone to send Maria Hill notes he remembered about that place and she'd still need to be able to fix it up because the house didn't have electric or running water. Plus she'd need a good garden area to live off of and for the monkeys to steal. He handed the phone back. Natasha added that it would be good to dump it as part of the settlement to rescue her, the other funds could go to updating and living needs. Hill took a minute but agreed it wasn't a bad idea to put that as part of the settlement. That Foster could deal with the portals all she wanted.

"South Carolina's hot, does it have fans at least?" Darcy asked.

"We can put some in and probably central air," Natasha said. "Or at least room-by-room systems once we put in electricity and running water."

"I remember we had waves of the electronics with us going out," Clint said. "Something with some interference some nights. Seemed to be about the moon phase."

"Jane will be overjoyed," Darcy said sarcastically. Natasha snickered quietly, but nodded. "Does it connect to Asgard too?"

"Not that we saw," Clint admitted, leaning against the wall. "But you never know about weird islands. Look how many have movies written about them."

"Point," Darcy agreed. "Yeah, that might be okay I guess. If it's safe?"

"It probably should be. Castle could probably go with you for a few days to make sure the monkeys don't invade." He looked at him, getting a shrug back. Murdock looked amused. "At least monkeys won't pet you, Murdock. It'd ruin your prettiness." That made the lawyer laugh.

Castle shook his head but looked amused. "Sure, I can handle monkeys if they try to get too grabby." He looked at Darcy, who was yawning. "Go back to sleep, Lewis. Not even the Russian mob is stupid enough to walk into this neighborhood with all the weapons here." She nodded, laying back down. He looked at Clint again. "Monkeys?"

"Yeah, whole tribe or whatever you call a herd of them." He grinned. "Cute things. Dark faces, light gray bodies. Darker gray cap on the head. I looked 'em up and they said something like velvet or something." He shrugged. "There were a couple of orange ones too. Tamarind like the food in Asia or something."

Natasha looked up that report. "Vervet monkeys are the light ones and golden lion tamarin are the orange." She let Frank see their pictures.

"How would they get to South Carolina?" He followed their links. "The tamarin are from Brazil. The others are often found in Ethiopia and Somalia." He handed the phone back. "At least it's not the nose monkeys or the ones that're always screwing."

"Proboscis monkeys are cute," Darcy said quietly. "All big, floppy nose and all." She blinked at him. "Bonobos are cute too, even if they do screw like humans for any special feeling instead of being in heat." She grinned. "Monkeys are cute but can be a problem according to some of the guys in Tromso who had worked at an observatory in India."

"I'd be laughing too hard to pay attention to anything else when their noses were bouncing around that way." She grinned back and went back to resting.

Clint grinned at him. "They stole all our ration bars. Hated 'em but stole 'em because they're shiny." Frank just nodded at that and sat down. "So we can talk Hill into that?"

"We probably can, as long as she does give her enough of the settlement to live on. I have also suggested that Darcy get the yearly salary of any agents we find dirty due to this." She looked at Matt. "You can draw up the official paperwork for legal reasons?"

"Of course. It's not that hard. We'll hear her suggestions and then counter with double or triple the amount of money so Darcy has enough to live on and keep Jane in science things."

"Jane works for Stark so they can probably help there," Natasha said. She looked outside. "There's someone very brave out there. Who is Italian mafia." Castle groaned. "Let me go talk to him." She got up and strolled out to talk to that man on the street. "You're in a dangerous area today."

He looked at her. "I know of you, Black Widow. I come in peace today." He held up his hands. "We heard about that young thing's problems. Didn't like that it had to happen to stop that sort. Our higher ups are disgusted by what she had stopped." Natasha smiled but nodded slightly. "And the three of ours who were going to help will no longer be available for that. Mr. Giana has said that stopping that is a higher cause and a good thing for anyone to do, especially girls protecting themselves. He wanted her assured that no one was going to come against her from our people."

"I'll let her know. Thank your overseer for me."

He grinned. "Technically our areas start about a block that way," he said with a point. "We're not the ones that have the beef with Castle either." He tipped his head and got into the car to drive off.

She went upstairs. "Mr. Giana had to stop three of his people from aiding those after Darcy but he's stated he hates what she had to stop and would not allow that to go on around him." Castle grunted. "And that his people weren't the ones you had beef with but their neighborhoods are a bit safe."

"He's not bad. Real uptight. Formal. Not into the same things the Irish mob is." He grimaced. "But it's nice he's not going to help them."

"Giana is a strong, steel hand and doesn't hide it," Matt Murdock agreed. "His people wouldn't dare go against him."

Castle nodded. "I've never had a problem with one of his. But he'll buy stuff from tax and death sales." She smiled as she sat back down. "The agents hiding better?"

"No," she admitted. "They brought an assault vehicle to this." Castle rolled his eyes. "Exactly. They're young."

Clint nodded. "Very young." He shook his head with a sigh, sliding down to sit next to Darcy. She looked at him. "You can rest. I just needed to sit." She nodded, going back to resting. He petted her ankle until she fell asleep. He looked at Natasha. "Will it be safe enough?"

"Probably. It's hard to get to so the casual asshole won't want to. It would make Jane safer as well."

Clint nodded. "That's a good idea too. Jane nearly got pounced by people who wanted to know how bad Thor was in bed. Fangirls, yay!" he finished sarcastically.

"They don't try that with Pepper."

"Pepper's scary," Clint quipped. "She'll stick her high heeled pump up someone's face."

"True. I admire her for that strength." She looked at Darcy when she moaned in her sleep. Clint went back to petting her ankle so she calmed back down. They could handle it for the night.

***

Jane looked up as Stark sat down across from her in the kitchen area of the lab. There were guards on the doorway to keep any nosy people away. "Is Darcy safe?"

"For tonight. We just had a second meeting because Romanoff had an idea. Darcy quipped about using the house hunters for island houses show to find somewhere safe and defensible. Thankfully, SHIELD knows about one that's got some really wacky things going on that's got a house, monkeys, and apparently at least one long term portal and sometimes a few flying dinosaurs." She looked confused but shook her head slowly. "Yeah. But it's safe. No one wants to go there. It's not that far away from a town once you're off the island. It's got a house that needs some work." He slid over a copy of the report.

She read it carefully. "That would be so weird."

"We were thinking that you'd probably like to go with her, because that would be safer for you from the fangirls too." She grimaced but looked at him. "And you could study the portals or whatever they are. That way Lewis doesn't turn into a Victorian horror novel heroine by herself. Or an evil overlord with monkeys instead of cats." He slid over a second folder. "From all the other places that had a report on it."

She read those over. "That's really weird. Would it mess up my machines?"

"They might already have a portal to Asgard," he quipped. "No idea. We'll need to fix it up for her. There's no running water right now. Or electricity. We can put up a solar system for the house and for your machines."

"Mine use a lot of energy, Tony."

"I know. We'll figure it out." He grinned. "It'll take a few weeks to get the house set up and fixed. And make sure the monkeys aren't sentient and trying to take over the world." He leaned on the table. "We need to know if you're going with her."

"I..." She looked then nodded. "She'll be miserable without people. What about her instagram thing with her new pictures?"

"I spotted those recently. She looked hot." He grinned. "You can turn off location on pictures, Jane. Or we can set it up so it leads them to Alcatraz or something."

"She might like that. She likes feeling pretty." She considered it. "I wouldn't mind going with her. It would be safer and there'd be less interference with seeing the stars at least."

He nodded. "That's what we figured." He tapped the table a few times. "We'll send you down with guards at first, for at least a week, to make sure the security's tight. We'll make sure it's workable and you guys have what you need. Apparently it's got good growing land because the packs of monkeys have been eating from apple trees." She shook her head quickly. He showed her pictures. "Barton was on the survey team. He found both those types of monkeys."

"Breeder let them loose or something?"

"No clue." He grinned. "Have fun finding that out?"

"I'm pretty sure I will. That's really weird."

"It is. But that's your sort of science anyway."

"Point." She smiled. "Thank you, Tony."

"Welcome. We'll miss Darcy nagging you and Bruce to eat and sleep." He got up and walked off. The guard went with him since they didn't need privacy anymore. Jane got up to start her cleaning up of her lab to move it to South Carolina.

***

Darcy looked around the temporary safehouse and then at the guys with her. They both shrugged. She sighed and headed into the kitchen then came out with a list to hand over. "Groceries please?"

"Of course, Lewis. Safer than getting things ordered." One of them went to get them and the other stayed with her in case one of the idiots had found them. He'd wonder about the baking supplies but some people did really bake and cook. Darcy Lewis apparently stress baked.

They'd so need the gym after a month of watching over her.

***

Frank Castle came back from scouting the island, shaking his head. "So very weird. The monkeys are cute and up trees, and on the porch. They just stared at me like I'm stupid for walking upright." Darcy nodded, getting off the small boat they had bought for trips into town. She and Jane followed him up the pathway, which was nicely paved with brick paving stones, to the house.

It was an old, blue house with a porch that went along the whole front of the house. The windows were large and evenly spaced in sets along the front of the house. The doors were a double set that had a brass handle with an old style key. Frank had the key so he opened the door and looked around before letting the women in.

Jane looked around the open rooms on either side of the doorway. "Sitting rooms?"

"They call them parlors," Darcy said. "Rooms for formal sitting and important but not family meetings. The same as the windows are so large because they used to tax doors. So they made the windows accessory doors to avoid it." She smiled at Frank. "Who picked haint blue for the house?"

"What now?"

She waved a hand. "My grandma was from Georgia. Haint blue is from this area and it's usually used on a porch ceiling to confuse spirits. They won't try to come in since they think that's the sky's color instead of a ceiling. They won't try to haunt an area."

"So painting the house that color means any spirits would avoid it?" he said. She smiled and nodded. "Good to know. Murdock might like that shade of blue."

"The only thing haunting him is his ex-girlfriend," Darcy quipped. "I met her last week when she tried to sneak in the wrong window. She thought we were dating and I had to straighten her out about you two guarding me for a few days, then that he was up the hall by two doors."

"She nearly missed and knocked on my door," Frank complained. "But thankfully he kept her from shrieking with whatever he did to her." He walked them around. The formal dining room was nicely large with more windows. And an old style wooden table with eight chairs. Darcy pushed in one slightly since it was askew. The kitchen was on the other side of a swinging door and it was large, bright, and shiny. Frank looked. "Looks like Stark fixed in here too. It looks like a spaceship."

Darcy nodded. "Car bumper. Stainless steel always reminds me of car bumpers or restaurant kitchens." Frank laughed, nodding that was true. She looked at the counters. "That's marble. Janey?"

She looked at the counter behind her. "Not marble but some sort of stone," she said, running her fingers across it. They spotted the small table in the kitchen and pushed the chairs in as they walked past it to the back porch. Which covered most of the back of the house but missed one area to the right side. Jane looked then at Frank, who had a map. "Mine?"

He pointed out back. "Garage." She strolled that way to look. Darcy and Frank followed, just in case. All her machines were in there but the boxes had been ripped into. All her pens were scattered around the floor.

"Monkeys," Frank decided. Jane picked them up and closed the box again then they went back to the house. "Enclosed pool house," he said with a point. "Surrounded by plants." Darcy went to look in a window, nodding. He looked over her shoulder. "That's gotta be one of the people from that other portal." The girl squeaked and yelped, then dived down in the water. They walked on.

"I wonder if we look ghostly to them," Darcy said, looking at Jane.

"Probably," she agreed. "Most likely it's a very thin protection between the portals."

Frank led them back inside. "Foster, your bedroom suite is down here." He walked them that way. Jane sighed in pleasure at the room. It was decorated in her own furniture from her mom's place, and looked comfortable. It had a fan above the bed moving slowly. There were two free standing wardrobes, some built-in shelves, and a door to her bathroom. Which had an ancient looking claw foot tub.

It had a few scratches so it wasn't new, and it was deep enough for Thor to sink up to his shoulders. The pretty pedestal sink was across from it and the toilet was in a separate room with a fan. She had a full length mirror on the water closet door and a small set of shelves for towels, washcloths, and anything she needed for girlish needs like tampons and makeup. There was a tray waiting on top of the sink for when she was in the tub too.

Jane smiled. "This is beautiful. Someone did great."

"I can't believe this is my first house," Darcy quipped, heading out to the main staircase by the front door, heading up to see her room. Frank followed casually. Darcy opened a few doors to find empty bedrooms until she found hers. Single, unassuming door. Kind of looked like a linen closet. Opened into a bedroom the size of a ballroom. There was a large pecan wood four poster bed with mosquito netting around it.

Her brass vanity table was in one corner, between windows so she had good light but it wasn't direct. She had two ceiling fans to move the room's air. Hers had lights too. She looked in her dresser, which looked extra cheap next to the fancier furniture. There was a dresser in there so she might switch things over later.

The bathroom had smaller double doors, which led right into a huge tub. Still a claw foot tub but it was huge, big enough for three Thor's to sink into up to their armpits side-by-side. And another ghost. Who stared at her. "Hi, I'm Darcy Lewis. I just bought the house on this side of the portal or whatever is joining us." She smiled. "This is Frank Castle, he's guarding me and Jane for a few days. She's got a room downstairs."

"I'll tell the guys in charge about that," the woman said. "We knew something was weird. Especially after Katya went squealing that she had seen people in the pool."

"That was us looking in probably." She grinned. "We can talk later? We just got here and apparently this is my room. We can share. I lived in a dorm so I can share the bathroom. Totally not a problem for me."

"Cool. We'll talk later tonight, Darcy Lewis." She smiled. "Be safe and watch out for your monkeys. They like shiny things."

"They tried for Jane's pens," she agreed with a nod and a grin. "Jane's a scientist so you guys can talk to her later too."

"That's fine." She waved a hand. "Go rest, girl. You look exhausted."

"It's been a bad month," Darcy admitted, going back to the main bedroom, closing the bathroom doors. "She seems pretty nice."

"She did," Frank agreed. "I'll make sure Foster knows that they'll show up to talk later." He went to do that while Darcy finished her unpacking. The dresser had clothes already so she didn't move hers over yet. She did lay down to rest. When she woke up it was dusk, so early evening, and she had two monkeys staring at her.

"Hi," she said quietly. "Are you friendly or mean?" She smiled and held out a hand. One of them sniffed it and they ran off. "Okay, sorry I stink like a human. I'll wash my hands in a minute." She got up, knocking on the bathroom door before going in to use the enclosed toilet and then wash her hands and fuss with her hair. She put back on her shoes to go downstairs.

She'd go shoeless when she was sure there wasn't a reason for her to worry about having to run outside. She walked into the kitchen. "Two monkeys sniffed me but they must think I stink since they ran off." She sat at the table with Jane. "Did he tell you we met one of the other people?"

"He did." She sipped her cup of coffee. "We went looking at the other doors and ran into one that goes to a shower instead of a closet pantry place." Darcy giggled, shaking her head. "Seriously! Warm, bright, stone shower. No one in it though."

"Huh." She got up to look at their groceries. "What am I making for dinner?"

Frank grunted but shrugged. "Make something, Lewis. I'm not that picky."

She looked at him. "I'm a pretty decent cook, Frank." She looked at Jane.

"Not chicken?"

"I actually suck at frying chicken. I never learned the right way so it comes out weird." She looked again and got into making the frozen ravioli and some sauteed vegetables for now. It'd go well. She brought over bowls once she was done, letting Jane unpack plates, cups, and silverware. They settled at the table in there to eat, Frank Castle staring at the ravioli. "It's small batch, hand made but frozen for easy shipping," Darcy told him. "They do it in St. Louis, the same people that make the baked raviolis that're real nice to nibble on."

"Never had those," he admitted, eating his first bite and chewing slowly then nodding. "Weird it was frozen but not bad."

"I don't have a pasta roller," Darcy quipped. "I have a mixer that could use an attachment for that but it's in storage." Jane pointed so she went to look, hugging her mixer and blender. Then she came back to go back to her dinner. "Anything else weird we found?"

"Not yet," Frank admitted. "That shower closet needs watching and I locked the door so they can't come through."

"Thanks, Frank." Darcy grinned. "The overall security system?"

"Tight," he agreed. "Outside anyone from that other portal area. Or however they had the flying dinosaurs."

A male voice sighed as he walked into the kitchen. He was clearly from that side of the portal. He had an eye patch, dark brown hair, was a white guy who looked pretty fit but not overtly muscled. He looked like he could be Frank's younger cousin. "Technically that portal can open twice a year, summer and fall solstice." He got some coffee and sat down. "Hi, Xander Harris." He grinned.

"Darcy Lewis, Dr. Jane Foster, and this is Frank Castle. He's guarding us." Darcy held out a hand, letting him shake it. "You guys are a lot more solid than I thought you'd be."

"The portal's semi thin today," he admitted. "So what brings you to South Africa?"

"We're off South Carolina."

"Huh." He nodded once and sipped his coffee. "Damn, someone does that great." Darcy beamed at him for that. "I gotta learn how. Rotten coffee happens too often in my life." He took another sip, looking at her. "So why the relocation to a mystical powerpoint of stupid things?"

"I'm under protective custody," Darcy said. He winced but nodded. "The house and island are part of the settlement."

He grinned. "That's cool. We're pretty chill neighbors most of the time. Almost nothing on our side attacks our house." He looked at Castle. "You look like a comic book we have. The Punisher but he had just turned into Deadpool when he accidentally got joined by some Watcher in the universe."

"Well, I am the Punisher," he admitted. "But Deadpool's pretty weird and I'd hate to be joined to him in any way. Wade gives everyone headaches."

"I liked Wade the few minutes I talked to him," Darcy complained.

"Yeah, I've had more than a few minutes talking to him, princess. He's weird." He looked at Xander again. "Would the comic book thing be you over here?"

"I have no idea. I haven't broken through that portal yet. Nearly to go put the dinosaurs back. By the way, they're Pterodactyl." Jane moaned but nodded once, sipping her coffee. "We have a few that pass onto our side but we let the demons eat them mostly so we're not using crossbows on them."

"No guns on your side?" Frank asked.

"Yeah, but crossbows are really handy when you're hunting demons and I deal with training the young women who hunt problematic and dangerous ones." He grinned. "I'm a watcher, no matter how much I don't want to be."

"I saw.... they had a poster with you on it on Asgard. Something about a slayer trainer." Xander grinned and nodded. "So you're a comic book on Asgard. Okay, that makes some sense. Is there a portal to Asgard here?"

"No. Thankfully. We had one on our side and got sneered at until two teenage girls took down all those warriors and then saved their asses. They were not amused to slink home before the girls decided who'd get to claim them as warrior boyfriends." He grinned. "They didn't want to deal with warrior teenage girls. They have that problem a lot."

Darcy and Jane shared a look then Darcy grinned. "We'll pass that story on to the Asgardians we know so they can go find those guys." Xander grinned back. "Jane's got her lab out back in the garage. Will that bother you guys?"

"We don't have a garage. We have a hellmouth." Jane raised an eyebrow. "Not named by us but it's a thin spot between realms and many of them are considered hell realms."

"So is earth sometimes," Darcy said.

Xander grinned and nodded. "Yeah, we're considered one too." He finished his coffee. "So, first night in?" They nodded. "Only one type of the monkeys are from ours. The gray ones came over the last time the portal was too thin."

"The orange ones?" Frank asked.

"There had been a zoo near here but there was a huge storm and the animals got out. On your side. They caught most everything but some of the birds and your orange monkeys. There were only four at that time but hey, babies." Darcy smiled and nodded. "Ours were about twelve but again, babies do happen." He looked at Frank.

"There's not much weird things that'll cross over. Usually. Now and then a demon may but most of them are higher level and thinking, speaking, reasoning beings instead of grunting, attacking, or sacrificing sorts. Including one of my girls' boyfriend. He's nice, but the's huge, blue/purple with a teal face marking, and super hairy. But he was a literature major and wooed her with poetry." Jane ducked down to hide her smile from that.

"We can learn to get along, ladies. I'm surrounded by girls all the time, I learned how to get along with women." They smirked at him. "The one you met earlier, that's not her room, she was waiting. On our side, that room is never used because the hellmouth seems to radiate into it. The girls sometimes sneak in to use the tub, because it's huge, but otherwise we don't use that bedroom."

"Jane's is down here," Darcy said with a point.

"That was Sophie's room, but she's off at college for the next four years and probably won't be coming back here if she doesn't retire. I can keep the girls out of there, Jane."

Darcy waved a hand. "If the girls want to use the pool I'm okay with that. I won't usually run over anyone if I'm swimming so that's cool if they want to use it even if we're in there. I don't want to displace you guys."

"That's nice of you." He smiled. "It's kinda hot down here."

She nodded. "It probably is just as hot here in South Carolina." He nodded he agreed. "They said they found a closet that led to a shower?"

"Not on our side," he said. "We've found all the thin spots. There's one in the pantry, and the girls will steal cookies if they find any. Where is that one?" Frank got up to show him. He held up a hand and walked off, coming back with a small device and a laptop. "That's on your side to your realm, not to here. You have another one around here." He went to find it and opened that door to show Frank, who groaned as he closed it. "I'm hoping that's a burger factory."

"I can set up a camera to make sure," he promised, leading the way back into the kitchen. "That's to a shower in our realm."

"Great!" Darcy said with a grin. "Can we lock it before some sweaty, fat, balding guy comes through in just a towel when we're pre-coffee?"

"Gladly," Frank agreed with a nod. Xander's laptop beeped so he went to lock it down now and block the doorway.

Xander grinned. "You never know, they might be cute."

"Maybe," she agreed with a grin. "But men around Jane are often scared of her brains."

He nodded. "So am I but that's just trauma from my former best friend." He grinned. "She's super smart and a witch."

Jane shuddered. "Oooh, that's a bad combination."

"Yeah, just a bit. But being a dog is fun," he finished with a smirk. She shuddered. "I'll show up to let Darcy pet me if she does it again." Darcy nodded, patting him on the hand. "But we'll learn to get along."

"Can we ease the portals so they're not dangerous to your people?" Jane asked.

"No idea. The only thing I deal with about the hellmouth is swearing at it when it wakes me up or when it tries to cuddle me because apparently it's having nightmares." He shrugged but grinned. "I wouldn't mind if you worked on that. As long as it won't hurt us. We're used to weird. It's kind of our calling you might say."

"She's rebuilding the Rainbow Bridge to Asgard," Darcy said.

Xander grinned. "Proventhal and Miran. Sometime in the sixteen hundreds." She wrote that note on her phone. "If you can't find it, let me know and I'll try to find you a copy. May not be for a few weeks. We have a battle in about two days." He grimaced but looked at Darcy. "Nothing should come through."

"Frank will still be here then and we can both fire a gun."

He nodded. "Won't help a whole lot. Heads have to come off, dear." He grinned. "Use a bigger gun."

"I have two," Frank called.

"Thanks. We have a battle in a few days."

"Good luck, kid."

"We do try to win." He looked at Darcy again. "You guys settle in and rest. It's a big stress on moving day." He winked at her and got up, taking his laptop and machine with him to go talk to his girls. That way they didn't bother Jane or Darcy. Or flirt with Frank. He looked like he'd be annoyed at flirting.

Darcy looked at Jane. "So this is my first house." Jane hugged her but got up to go check her lab and start the setting up process. She got Frank more coffee, going to hand him the cup. "Here. Do we need stuff to pick up tomorrow? I can do a pick up order from Target or wherever."

"Probably not. I've got a remote camera we're borrowing to see that one area to make sure it's a meat packing plant." He took his coffee to sip. "Go rest, Lewis. We'll explore the lands tomorrow." She nodded, going up to her room to arrange things. He shook his head, sending in a report to Maria Hill, and Tony Stark because he was nosy. He'd hack it anyway.

Darcy looked in the dresser that had been left, finding different clothes now. "Thank you, whoever left me those. I don't think they'll fit. They're for skinny bitches, and I'm more thicc." They shimmered and changed to flirty nightgowns. "Those are adorable but no boyfriend here, dear. Thank you. Maybe tomorrow, once we're settled in?"

The nightgowns stayed so Darcy stripped down to her bra and panties, climbing into bed that way. She heard someone yelling about the hellmouth being flirty and matchmaking like an old auntie but it was a young woman's voice. Darcy snickered. "I'd never hit on a girl, sorry, hellmouth or whatever you're named. You have to tell us if you have a name. Jane will want to know."

Out in the lab, a pen scrawled a name on the wall, making Jane stare at it oddly. She took a picture of it to show Darcy tomorrow. "Sure, I'll look that up, portal thing. Thank you for giving me that information." The pen dropped.

Frank heard a voice from that shower portal. "I tell ya, it was glowing," the male voice complained. "It's weird and it glowed like around a doorframe." Frank moaned. They sounded young and that guy sounded like an Eastern European.

"It's probably something sparking behind the tiles," a male, Australian voice complained. "The house is old, Tompkins. It's not that weird." Frank considered it then moved the blocking board to let it ease open a tiny bit. "Shit! What is that!" the Australian voice complained. Frank made sure it was shut and blocked. He loved fucking with dumbasses. It'd frustrate them for years. Or they'd abandon that house so it'd be less dangerous for the ladies.

Frank made sure to turn the lock loudly enough that it was heard on that side. So yup, they'd be leaving that house. The Australian one had said so as he stomped off. Frank grinned to himself. That was very good to know. That camera came active so he sent a note to Hill to log into that camera. She did and got disgusted and sent police there to stop them. Yup, it was in their realm, not Harris' realm, and the police were disgusted too. But they quit putting people into the meat grinders.

***

Maria Hill looked at the first night report, blinking at it. "Where do I know that name from?" she muttered, looking it up. "Damn it, it's a comic book world," she complained quietly. "Phil?" He came out of the office from nagging Nick Fury about leaving his LMD while he went on a mission. "Know anything about these sorts?" Coulson was a comic book geek from childhood. He might not know much but he'd probably heard about it at least.

"Hmm. Slayers. Mystically chosen female warriors, though they're usually called as teenagers. The series was about one who was called in high school and her team of fellow teenagers. If they're older then it's probably past the time of the comic books as they ended about a year after they graduated." He looked at her. "But they're good guys who fight demons."

"Great. Would anything in that explain the portals on that island?"

"Yes. They're sitting on top of a mystical sinkhole or something called a hellmouth if I recall correctly." He looked it up. "Yes, it is. It's a thin spot between realms." She moaned but nodded. "I'm sure Foster will have some fun with that."

"She probably will. Lewis won't mind the company. The dinosaurs?"

"Film taken look like Pterodactyls." She blinked at that. "No clue why. We can send someone to talk to them?"

"Maybe. If it happens again."

"That's fine. Did Lewis really out me?"

"Not by name. She mentioned she had an idea to remove Nick and he shot back that you were dead. She apparently has pictorial proof from the London cleanup."

"Charming of her." He walked off to go back to nagging their boss/friend.

Maria Hill sent Castle an email about things, getting one back about what the kid had said. "Oh, the Pterodactyls come every summer and fall solstice," she said loudly enough to be heard in the office. Phil Coulson looked out at her. "I'll make sure they have a weapon and someone to use it," she decided. "Summer solstice is in three weeks." Coulson withdrew with a smile. It wasn't his duty at least.

***

Frank came to the kitchen the next morning for his coffee, pausing by the two portal doors. The one to the meat grinder place was quiet. There was a voice but it was saying cop things so he left them alone for now. That door rattled so he opened it and stared back. "It's a portal to South Carolina. That's why we called you." The officer there just nodded and backed away slowly. Frank grinned. "The ladies who live here don't want any problems or anything like that going on around them, guys."

"Gladly, sir. Can we shut that down?"

"Not sure yet. It's locked and blocked on this side." That got another nod so Frank reclosed it and reblocked it. He listened at the other one. There was some new guy, American, New Yorker if he was right, complaining about his shower being haunted. He laughed loudly, making someone on that side yelp and run away loudly. Frank smirked at the 'what the fuck'. Yup, it was a New Yorker about to have conniptions. He could run him out of that house there. That way Darcy would be safer.

He went to start the coffee maker Darcy had set up late last night when she had gotten up thanks to the monkeys. It was still great coffee. Though two cups were broken so he'd have to do something to keep the monkeys out of the house. He did clean up the mess. Foster wouldn't notice anything before coffee and Darcy might not if she was still tired. Jane stumbled in so he handed over the mug he had waiting on her. She grunted and inhaled the first cup. Then she moaned before going to sit down.

Frank heard the door to the shower area rattle so he got a gas canister from his kit and set it off with the nozzle under the door. He heard whoever that New Yorker was choke and splutter then order people to leave it alone for now. That worked for his needs.

A big, hairy creature showed up to sniff at the door. "Good prey. We'll have fun with them." Then he grinned and winked at Frank before disappearing again.

"Thanks," Frank told him quietly. That did probably help whoever was on that side flee for their lives. He went back to start more coffee. Jane was asleep on the table. Darcy was coming down the stairs slowly. "I'm making a second pot."

She came in with a grin. "Thanks, Frank. Jane's...." He pointed. She sighed but nodded. "Pretty usual whenever we go anywhere. She learned that move from conferences." She got her own cup, frowning in the cabinet. "Were some broken?"

"On the floor when I came in."

"Damn. I need to get a few more." She made a note on her phone about what she needed. "Can we find a way to keep monkeys out of the kitchen?"

"No clue yet. We'll have to check with someone like a zoo."

"If I knew a zookeeper..." She sighed but sipped and moaned. "Nice job. Thank you." She patted him on the arm. "I saw the boards?"

"Blocking them. The one to the meat packing equipment is still filled with cops. I scared the shit outta them. So they'll leave it alone. We can remove that board later." She nodded. "The other one...." He smirked before taking a sip of coffee. "Well, I tried to scare 'em off."

"I like that you're scary to bad guys but not to everyone." She patted him on the arm, going to the table. "Jane, it's morning," she called loudly but out of reach of Jane's swatting at her. "Jane!" She blinked at her. "Good morning. You're in the kitchen."

Jane sat up, pushing her hair back. "At least I wasn't having a Thor dream." She got up to get more coffee. "Thank you, Frank."

"Welcome, Jane." She went back to the table with her new cup and stared at Darcy until she sighed and got up to cook.

Frank wouldn't say anything about Jane expecting Darcy to do all the wifely things for the pair of them. It wasn't his place. Jane needed to do some science later. Darcy clearly wasn't mad about it. So not his business at this time.

***

Jane came in that night. "I'm replacing you with three monkeys. They all helped today by handing me things I needed and only got it wrong twice."

Darcy stared at her. "Sure, they can make you coffee too." Jane rolled her eyes but hugged her. "I'm getting babyproofing stuff to keep them out of the cabinets and pantry."

"That's fine. Teach me how to open them?"

"Probably, yeah." She looked at the monkey in there. "Hey! None of that in here!" She pointed. "Do that outside!" It ran outside to finish peeing. Darcy got to go clean up the mess. Jane was laughing. "Not like I want them to do that in here when I'm making us food, Jane."

"No, I wouldn't either." She settled down to watch Darcy do things. "What did you do today?"

"I found the colony's trees. They're by the other dock. Frank thought they might like a tree house to inhabit instead." Jane nodded once, staring at her. "I called a zoo that's known to be good and asked them if I should be wary of planting anything since there's a wild monkey here. They were not amused about wild monkeys but I took a picture of it and sent it. They're still not amused. They said we should be okay with any plants and they'll pick what they want." Jane nodded again.

"They wanted to come gather them but I pointed out they were settled here and they weren't *much* of a nuisance. They had broken into the kitchen to break a few coffee mugs but otherwise they were probably okay. They'd been here for years. So we may get a zoologist here in a few days. I admitted that we had more than one and took better pictures when he caught that slip." She grinned. "He groaned so nicely. He's cute on the show about that zoo too."

Frank came in. "The zoo guy was not happy we had wild monkeys here but at least they haven't really spread to the mainland. He's thrilled that Darcy's trying to be good with living beside them at least."

Darcy nodded. "He was happy I'm thinking about things that could hurt them. I asked about babyproofing the cabinets and he agreed it might be a great idea." Jane nodded again, staring at them. "And we found the portal for the pterodactyls. It's got a proto portal that you can barely see through." Jane moaned. Darcy grinned. "We need to build stuff for the monkeys to fiddle with. The zoo guy suggested a few balls or something and planting more fruit for them to steal."

Jane nodded at that. "That's fine. I know you're looking forward to having a garden." Darcy grinned and nodded. "We can plant some berries or something if you want. You can buy berry bushes and fruit trees at Lowes."

"We can do that." She looked at Frank, who nodded at that. "Do you think we can figure out how to plant them?"

"Probably not that hard. You can plant bamboo too but it'll be an invasive species that'll take over the island." He watched her clean up. "Monkey?"

"Yeah. I have no idea how they got in last night."

"There's an open window in the attic."

"Is the attic super creepy like a horror movie?" Darcy asked.

"No clue," Frank admitted. "We can go look up there tonight." She nodded and they went to make sure all the windows and doors were closed. They found the attic door open and Frank went up first then waved Darcy up. They looked at the stuff up there in boxes, which had been left by the last people. Frank found the propped open window and closed it with a sigh.

A monkey out there threw a monkey fit but oh well. They didn't need in the house without warning. Darcy had to change her sheets thanks to monkey spot marking. She got to flip the mattress too with Frank's help. Then they closed all the doors and windows before going to check the other rooms. One other open window got shut and they went down to eat on the back porch. The monkeys would get used to that.

***

The zoologist and veterinarian showed up together a few days later. Darcy met them at the dock, smiling and waving. "Hi, guys. I've seen you both on the show. Welcome to my hiding spot from people who want to take me out."

They nodded. "We won't note where the island is," the vet said patiently. "You're Miss Lewis?"

"I am. I'm Darcy. Frank's up there on the porch staring at the portal where the pterodactyls are. The monkeys are presently trying to help Jane by picking at her duct tape. They hated the ball by the way." She led them up to the house. "Frank? It safe?" she called.

"Yeah, it's fine. I've got six baby monkeys trying very hard to use me as a babysitter. I'm not like Barton, guys. I don't really understand monkeys. I only get dogs." They yelled at the new people. "That's good you do that, guys. Settle down for now?" He petted one and that one glared at him but stared at the new people. "Foster!" he bellowed. "Vet's here!"

Darcy got something out of the house and came out to open the jar. Suddenly, a lot of monkeys were getting nosy and coming to see why. She put the jar down, letting them tip it over to get the nuts and then play with it since it was a plastic jar. She looked at the zoologist. "We've been here for four days now."

"That's not a bad thing." He picked up one of them to look at. "They're not scared of people."

"No, Crappy there isn't. A few still are. He likes to try to crap in the corner of the kitchen," she told them at the curious look.

The zoologist smiled. "They can do that." He settled down to look at the rest of the pack of monkeys. "The troop looks pretty healthy. How did they get here?"

"The gray ones, they came through a portal apparently. We're told the tamarins came from a small zoo like place that got destroyed in a storm."

"We heard about that and that they had missed a few of the birds and a few monkeys. They thought they had died," the zoologist said. He let one of the tamarin sniff his hand, getting it batted at. "I know, I'm a human and I work with a lot of other monkeys too, scout. Can I look at you?" The tamarin climbed up Frank's shoulder, getting a look from him. It tried to groom Frank's hair, getting a head shake for it. But he did let them see the babies that were treating him like a toy. "They all look pretty healthy. No fleas or any other parasites I can tell. Is that portal still open?"

"No. We get some ghostly people." She pointed. "She's from over there. Hey, can Xander come talk about the monkeys?" she called.

"Better than him grumping at us about training," she called back. She grinned and waved. "Hi." She disappeared as she jogged off.

"All we know is that's not here," Darcy said. "And over there is somewhere near South Africa."

"That explains how African monkeys got to South Carolina," the vet said. He checked another one, getting an odd look for it. "You look healthy. You've clearly got a good diet since you're chubby."

"They've been eating a lot of the apples," she said with a point at a nearby tree. "Can I plant grape vines for them?"

"They eat a lot of fruit and vegetables. They'll probably steal out of your garden," the zoologist said. Then a guy who looked ghostly came over. "How long have the monkeys been here?"

"At least two years." He sat down, waving at one. "I saw one like you earlier. It tried to cook itself by climbing into the oven." He looked at Darcy. "You good?"

"So far. We're planning on planting things."

"The ones near us hate lettuce. Then again, so do we. Even the girls." He grinned. "They do eat bugs too."

"If they'll eat flies and mosquitos that'd be great," Darcy quipped with a grin.

The vet nodded. "They could. Possibly up to mice." He checked another one. "You've had a broken finger." Darcy looked then sighed. "It's fine, it's healed, but it broke sometime in the last few years. This one's probably about five."

Darcy looked. "Crappy, stop it! Use the grass!" She pointed. "Now please! No peeing on Jane's things! She'll growl at you!" She stomped a foot and pointed again. It ran into the grass to finish peeing. "Thank you! Good boy." She got a few nuts for him. She gave the staring duo a sheepish look. "I don't want them peeing in the house. I'll have to clean up a mess daily. They managed to sneak in last night somehow and one tried to pee on a couch. I had to flip my bed over thanks to one. I had to defend the kitchen. I don't mind the monkeys but I can't stand to clean up that much pee."

"Most of them would probably pick a spot to use so that's not a problem. Training them like dogs, well, we don't do that and we try to be more hands off but you can't really do that down here." He looked around. "Is this all of them?" Xander and Frank both pointed at a tree, letting them look at the adults up there. "That's a lot for this island. We might have to thin the troop."

"We've had three that tried to get onto the boat when I ran out for milk," Darcy said. "We had to keep Frank on the boat to hold the one that did manage it without us noticing."

"The young adults might be easier. They're mostly a separate group," Frank offered. "That group is mostly ignored by the main herd."

"It's a troop," the zoologist said with a smile.

"They run and flee like horses when the phone goes off," Frank told him. That got a nod. "They're mostly good but I found two of them playing with my knife earlier." He glared at that one, who laughed at him. "Yeah, you."

Darcy grinned. "If I get a dog, will they hurt it?"

"No, they shouldn't. They might play with it," the vet said. "Are there other animals?"

"Some birds," Darcy said. "The portal that opens twice a year to some sort of dinosaur isle."

Xander snickered. "We sent through a probe and it's a south pacific island. Has pterodactyls." They gave him such an odd look so he led them to it so they could see. The vet moaned and nodded. The zoologist was just staring. "It opens on summer and fall solstices. Last year we almost came all the way over to fight them because they were being little destructive assholes.

"Oh, and she does have some bats on the backside of the island." He pointed that way. "There's a small colony of them back there because we ran into them by accident. It made the girls freak out and run for their lives." He led them back to the house, letting them check the rest of the monkeys. "Did you manage to keep them out?"

"Almost. We still had a few that got in somehow. They were in the kitchen when I got up."

"I checked all the windows. They got one open somehow," Frank agreed.

"I'm not against thinning the troop if it won't hurt them," Darcy told them. "I'd never want them hurt. I have no idea what to do if one falls and breaks their arm or something. That's why I wanted to get some advice on things."

"Well, the island can probably hold about two troops," the zoologist said, petting the monkey trying to climb him. It tried to get his glasses. "No, I need those," he said gently, petting it. It made some noise and tried to get them again so he moved them to cuddle instead. It flipped over and he let it then patted it on the back, eventually moving to use his nails to pet him since he seemed to like that. "You've probably got about four troops here. So we should thin the troops to keep them healthy. Taking the outcasts and the young adult troop would probably handle most of that." The vet nodded. "They seem healthy enough, unless something about those portals have affected them. Then they might get a bit sick for a few days without it."

"If so, we can bring them back," the vet agreed. "The rest should be fine. They should get some yearly shots against West Nile virus and rabies. Maybe a vitamin one too. How are you going to handle winter?"

Darcy shrugged. "No idea yet. Will we get snow?"

"Probably not a lot," he admitted. "Is there a basement area?"

"Yeah, there is," Frank agreed. "They've made some nests down there so I left those windows alone."

"So they'll probably hide if they get too chilly?" Darcy guessed. The two people from the zoo agreed by nod. "I know they probably need more vegetables."

"When you plant your garden they'll steal some of it," the vet assured her with a smile. "Plus any fruit you have."

"We've seen that with apples. Are diets like that healthy for them?" Frank asked.

"They could probably use some diversity but they can handle that themselves mostly, they do in native environments," the zoologist said. He petted the one in his lap again. "You snore?" he asked with a grin. "That's cute." He looked at Darcy again. "I appreciate that you're trying to do what's best for them and leaving them native is good for them. It's a wise choice to let us thin the pack some. And some zoos really could use the new blood." She nodded. "Are you intending on living here for good?"

"Probably. I'm in protective custody and bought the house to hide here."

"That's fine. It means you can keep track of the birth rates and the like."

"At least you don't have to do what Jane Goodall did," the vet said. "She had to build it from the ground up, you've got things that're already known and studied so you can figure out work arounds. They could probably use more play things and places to climb." Jane came out shaking her head with three monkeys on her back. She let them jump off into the trees.

Darcy looked at her. "The three you wanted to replace me with?" she guessed with a smirk.

"Threw poop at a proto portal we almost opened by accident. They got very upset at the new portals." She settled into a chair. One of the three came back over to pick through her hair for her. "Thank you. That's very nice of you," she said, patting him on the leg. She looked at the vet. "They've been very helpful dealing with shiny things for me today."

The zoologist smiled and nodded. "They all like shiny things. They could probably use something like some ropes strung up randomly through the bigger trees. They'd be used to vines. We give ours things like balls to play with sometimes but half of them don't like them. Enrichment can be just boxes with treats inside sometimes. Training them to not use the bathroom in the house would probably be easily enough done. Childproofing the kitchen is a great idea." He looked at the one on his lap. "Would you like to come back to the Bronx with me?" It snored on. "Are any nursing age?"

Darcy shrugged. "I haven't seen any." She looked at Jane and Frank, who both shrugged. "We haven't seen it going on."

"So no tiny little babies then," the vet said. "Taking the middle of the groups' age would be the easiest." He looked at his coworker, who nodded.

"Things like the vaccine, is there a way to put it into a grape or something we feed them? I've seen you guys doing that on the show."

"Those are usually shots," the vet said. "It's an interesting idea if we could. I can look into that definitely. You said you were thinking about a dog?"

"Something cuddly to play with and maybe to guard a bit if someone shows up." She grinned. "Frank's dog is very cute and I nearly stole him but Dog loves him too much." Frank rolled his eyes. "But I was thinking something bigger and less than yappy but happy to cuddle and nap with me."

"The monkeys should leave them alone. A few might try to treat it like an odd beast. One or two might try to be meaner to make sure it knows who is in charge," the zoologist said. "But we haven't tested that."

"The animal ambassadors only have a few monkey species." He looked it up. "Hmm. One zoo in Germany has a tamarin ambassador for programs. It doesn't note anything like aggression to service animals but it did note that they're highly confused by wheelchairs." He kept looking. "I don't see anything on them and service animals so probably not. At the worst, try it and see and you can train them off the dog." He looked at her. She was beaming. "If you go to an exotic vet in the area they could probably handle the monkey that breaks an arm." Darcy nodded at that. Xander faded out then back in. "You okay?"

"Yeah. This isn't the weakest spot in the portal between our worlds." He shrugged. "That just means one of the girls did something with another part of it. Most likely she broke into the pantry to look for cookies."

Darcy grinned. "I did make some and leave them in there. It's like making friends of your new neighbors." She looked at the vet. "But I'm doing okay so far?"

"So far you're doing good. They're healthy. You've got decent enough plans for food for them and you've got good ideas on what needs to happen with them. We can gladly come separate out the bigger kids so they can form their own troops. It'd help a few different zoos." She beamed again and nodded. "For right now, let's get them set up to rest for the night.

"Bedtime, monkeys. Go back to your trees?" They fled and went up the trees to watch the humans. She got up. "We have a few spare rooms and I was going to work on a salad with chicken for dinner?" They nodded, going in with her. Frank figured out how the monkeys got in. One was hiding in a lower level room and let the others in. He got that stopped and put that one outside, closing the door after them. He checked all the doors and windows then went back to the kitchen.

Jane was helping by doing the grilling. The two others were making notes. Frank put in his to Hill and Stark. Hill was not amused at zoo people but agreed that thinning the monkey troops would be healthy for them. And that if Lewis wanted a dog like Frank's Dog, they could gladly send her a few. He agreed and Hill said she'd work on that tonight. She agreed the Bronx zoo wasn't a bad idea to look over the monkey troops and they did good by what she knew of them. So that was fine.

***

The two zoo people met with their director when they got back, while taking carriers out of the truck. They noticed the agent that showed up and held out a letter. "Agent Hill?"

"I am." She took the scouting report that Castle had done. "That's good. The monkey population is stable?"

"Very," the vet agreed. "We thinned the troops a bit but otherwise they're good."

"That's excellent. I know you won't be asked about where she is." She smiled. "If there's a problem with anything down there, let us know. We're protecting her to make sure no one tries for her again."

"We can do that." She nodded and left. The vet looked at his director. "The lady that called me is in protective hiding. She just bought the house down there and had it fixed up, got down there, and found monkey troops."

"Great." He helped carry in the last few carriers to the quarantine habitat they had set up. He looked at the carriers. "How many were there?"

"Fifty-eight monkeys between two breeds," the zoologist said with a grin. "Some sort of portal thing brought some vervet from South Africa and that zoo we heard about down there that got destroyed during a hurricane gave her a few golden lion tamarins. They've all been successfully breeding. We brought the outcast male troop and the group of young adults that had already split off. Including the one that kept sneaking in to mark his spot in her new kitchen."

"That's good." They got the monkeys set free, watching them explore the large enclosed areas. They seemed pretty happy. They found the trays of fruits and threw some of it but dug into the rest. "Is she set up to handle the ones you left?"

"She's just barely there and is planting a garden. She's making sure nothing will hurt them when she plants more fruit trees. She was trying to train them like dogs not to have natural functions in the house." The director smirked a tiny bit at that. He pointed. "She named that one Crappy for his habit of using the kitchen's corner."

"I can see why." He watched them find new spots to rest and curl up in. "Will they be fine?"

"As far as we can tell, the native energy there hasn't warped them any and she said if we found out they were, she'd gladly take them back. I promised to put in contraceptives first if we had to send any back. They had fifteen babies across all the families." That got a nod. "She's getting a dog or two too. She wanted to make sure they'd go well together."

"As far as I know. Are we going to thin the troop next year?"

"Or the year after next," the vet agreed with a nod. "She's doing her best to be responsible and understands they need to be in bigger areas but she's got forty acres of woods there. She'll keep track of birth rates and send us anything that she finds out about them or if one gets hurt. I found her a vet in the area who could handle it if one of them broke something or got hurt." He looked at his boss, grinning some. "They have a twice-yearly portal that goes to somewhere that has pterodactyls too." The director moaned, shaking his head quickly. "And it's a thin spot between us and another realm. The vervets came from over there."

"Okay, so weird things and we'll make sure they aren't harmed by the weird things or weird energies. How many zoos have vervets?"

"About seven or eight. Golden lion tamarins are a bit more common. I already gave vaccines last night and I took swabs for DNA testing. I'll send them tonight." That got another nod. One of the monkeys hiccuped and the others yelled at them but that one calmed down and got comfy again. The zoologist put in some extra water feeders and hooked on bowls for them. More food and some hay got brought in. They liked throwing the hay around.

They watched as the monkeys had some more fun. The vet smiled at the woman coming in. "They're not people reactive. They'll sit there and stare at you until you let them sniff you or hold out something shiny for them. Two of them were being petted last night. They showed up to cuddle in our laps and get petted. They demanded to be petted by pulling our hands onto them."

"So they're going to be program animals?" she asked.

"Not necessarily. They were living in family troops. They're not scared of humans but will scream at ones they don't like." She nodded, moving closer. One of them jumped over to the cage around the enclosure, reaching over to her. She cooed, moving closer. It stared at her earring. She held one out for it to feel then it chattered and went back to playing with the hay. She came back to the group and put her feathered earring back in. "Yeah, they're good. They're friendly monkeys. But they did protect the babies from us getting near them to give vaccines."

"We vaccinated all the ones we spotted," the zoologist agreed. "She's doing good trying to balance things and make sure the monkeys there are protected. I like that about her. That's why she called us."

The vet nodded. "She's not trying to domesticate or anything like it outside anti-house training."

"I appreciate that. If she moves will she give us the rest?"

"Probably. If this goes well. I looked for zoos down there. The North Carolina Zoo is the biggest near to her but don't have those two species. They do have two other primate species. They're state owned. I think they're AZA members but I didn't look that part up. There's a primate protection group down there. There's the Riverbanks Zoo in Columbia that has the tamarins but not the vervets. They are AZA members and a small zoo. The vet I found down there in case she needs one worked with North Carolina Zoo as a resident so he's got contacts. I talked to him and he agreed he'd be able to treat one if she had a big problem."

"So we're treating it like an escaped troop that's settled in place," the director said. They nodded. "That makes sense if they're not hurting anything."

"Outside her needing a new mattress thanks to Crappy in there?" The vet smiled. "She doesn't want to make them pets. Or to interfere with their natural lives. If she was that sort I'd be alarmed and talk to someone to get the troops from there."

"She's really sensible and highly overprotective of her lands," the zoologist agreed. "She doesn't want to change many things outside them using the bathroom in the house. They had already set up storm shelter in the basement and she agreed they could keep it and she'd set up more sleeping areas and maybe put up a few tree houses for them in the woods around the islands. They don't mind the bats on the backside of the island. We did decide to bring the two that kept trying to escape the island to see what else was going on. They snuck into the boat until we put them in carriers. They seemed okay with that."

"Good. Have we talked to the other zoos that have these two species?"

"I figured we'd do that most of the way through quarantine. That way we've got the genetics tested and all the health checks done. They're easy to like. We sat on the porch and they kept cuddling us until Darcy threw some vegetables outside for them. She did ask if there was a way to do vaccines by grape inserted meds. Which we haven't thought of."

The director nodded. "If you could figure that out, a lot of people would probably like that. It'd mean easier vaccine pushes." He walked off. "Keep me informed and keep good notes on that in case something happens. They get hurricanes hitting down there."

"Of course." He went back to watching the monkeys acclimate. The primate keepers came in to help him. "They're good but cuddly."

The head keeper nodded. "I can see that." The vet grinned. He could leave the monkeys with them for now.

***

Xander frowned as he walked past the portal that led to the shower, pausing to listen. He knew that voice. He swore he knew that voice. He finished his trek into the kitchen, looking at Jane and her monkey friend that was playing with her hair. "Where's Darcy?"

"Her bedroom. Taking a nap. She's got bad PMS and feels rotten." She looked at him. "Big problems?"

"Going over how to deal with the pterodactyls that're about to come through in a few days. I didn't figure you guys could handle the machetes to kill them."

"Probably not. Can't we hide?"

Xander grimaced. "Then they won't want to leave and won't close the portal. We're fairly certain something on that side is opening that one to give them a place to put additional colony members. Not totally sure but maybe." Jane nodded at that. "So hiding may mean they stay."

"I can...I guess I can ask SHIELD to loan us an agent or see if Frank wants to come back."

Darcy came in. "Frank's got a bad shoulder right now. He really got beaten up." She looked at the monkey then at Jane. "No monkeys in the house unless you're going to clean up where they mess up." Jane rolled her eyes but put the monkey back outside. "Thanks. We already need to redo that one corner of the kitchen thanks to Crappy's habits." She looked at Xander again. "How do you deal with them?"

"Me personally? Machete. You can probably use a bigger shotgun if you have one." She grimaced but shook her head. "Okay, then we need to figure that out because they open the portal on their side and I'd hate to see you overrun with flying chickens. That bite. They will bite people."

Darcy grimaced. "Great. Sure, I'll see if Frank left anything to help with that. How long do we have?"

"We have six days to the summer solstice."

"Will I need to tarp my new garden?"

"No. The monkeys will hide. They did the last few times. They only lost one monkey in the last three attempts." She nodded, sending a text to Frank's phone to see if he had left anything for the flying ancient chickens. He hadn't, Matt answered back for him since he was tied down by Karen because he wanted to get up and handle something when he could barely move. She sighed. "And he's down and super injured." She put the phone down. "He said he didn't leave anything either."

Jane considered it. "I might be able to build a small laser if I can get a few things shipped in really fast."

"The most open part of the veil between our worlds is Darcy's tub," Xander said.

"I figured that out. I was soaking and someone on that side ran some water so mine started to overflow. I had to let mine out then put the plug back in for her."

"I heard," Xander agreed with a grin. "She's still grounded for that too."

"I don't mind. I shared a bathroom in the dorms, Xander."

"She's not supposed to be up there. She might cross over and get stuck. The sudden appearance of a slayer may turn on some of your demonic issues. I'd never curse another world to what we go through every few weeks." He leaned on the table, looking at Jane. "Would the laser be aimable?"

"Probably at the portal so we can get them as they come out." She sketched out the design to figure out a shopping list.

"If not, big shotguns or machetes," Xander told her. Darcy grimaced. "You should probably have one anyway, just in case someone tries to show up, Darcy."

"Point. I have no idea how to do that."

"Go to a gun shop, buy gun. Wait three days if you guys have a waiting time there."

Jane nodded. "That is how I got my pistol back in New Mexico. Which I don't have, we had to surrender it to go to London." She sighed. "That's probably our trip out this week."

Darcy nodded. "I think we have a three day waiting period."

"So we'd have time," Jane decided. She sent a text message to Maria Hill about weapons laws in the state to see if they could expedite it somehow. She didn't get an immediate answer but within twenty minutes she promised that an agent could come handle it this time, and it'd be one Darcy would trust. She thanked her then put her phone down. "We'll have an agent this time, someone we'd trust." Darcy grinned at her. "So we can arm up with their help probably for the next one. It's a weird thing to get used to but we've seen weirder. Like Thor landing in front of us."

Xander grinned. "Thankfully you're not on this side so you can't see the kraken."

"Like from the sea with the princess?" Darcy asked.

"Like, in the hellmouth keeping it from opening and spilling a whole other realm." He grinned. "We named the local one Dominique."

"Why can you get over here and we can't get there?" Jane asked.

"You can but the areas for you are a bit more problematic. The bottom of the pool, two are up trees." Darcy sighed but nodded. "There might be one in Darcy's bedroom but I haven't tried it." He shrugged. "It happens and it means the girls can't bother you all the time. You walk into the thin spot then use it as a condom as you move around."

"I don't mind," Darcy said. "I don't have much to do every day right now." Jane nodded that was true.

Xander grinned. "I have sixteen teenage girls on my hands, Darcy. Don't tempt me to send them over here to talk to you about girl stuff. I'm actually pretty good at the tampon talk." She patted him on the hand. "I know but I'm used to girls. Sometimes I wish there were guys but then I'd probably think back to my last ex."

"You're gay?" Jane asked. "Not to be rude," she finished quickly.

"Actually I'm more bi but I'm also a dangerous person magnet." He shrugged but grinned at her. "Only dangerous people think I'm hot like candy."

Darcy grinned. "I think you're cute and pretty nice, but you're too far away to date. I only think someone's hot after a few days and I know they're not dicks."

He laughed, nodding. "That's a good idea. Mine, they seem to see me as a magnet for their not wanting Xander to have pleasure too needs."

"That blows. Guys do that to girls too." They shared a sigh and a nod. Then she grinned. "But some guys are really great at it."

"I've had a few of those but they were absolute evil bastards." She patted his hand again. "I know, I'll find one someday and probably die in a battle within a month. That's just kinda the way it is around here." He looked over his shoulder. "Yeah, Katya?" She appeared to them. "Problems?"

"That military guy is here again, Xander. Being a d-bag."

"Let me go tell him to go flop in a cactus patch," he muttered. "Later, ladies. Tell me if you need my help." He walked the slayer, who waved and grinned at them, off.

Darcy looked at Jane, who shook her head at them disappearing. "The girls do seem neat."

"They may be," she agreed. "I'm having Thor flashbacks though. Warriors." Darcy patted her on the arm, getting up to make more coffee. "Are you coming out tomorrow?"

"You told me you didn't need me so I haven't been."

"No, I could use you. My monkey helper doesn't take notes. Or do data entry." Darcy smirked at her. "Fine, I won't replace you with three monkeys." She got up to get her own cup of coffee then went back out to the lab to finish her calibration.

***

Clint Barton got off the boat he had rented, whistling quietly at the two dogs. They were both dark brown brindled pit bulls, and they were happy to be back on land because they had hated the boat. "I know, but still gotta happen. We can't drive here, guys." He walked them up to the house.

One of them barked and went to sniff the monkey staring at it. It chattered at the dog so the dog lapped it. Clint grinned that the monkey fled up a tree and wiped at the dog drool. "They'll get used to you, Boris." He let them into the house. "We're here," he called. He closed the door after the dogs and one monkey.

"Don't let the monkeys in, they pee in the house," Darcy called from somewhere upstairs.

Clint gently got that monkey out and closed the door again. "Okay. And I've got your dogs."

She came hopping down the stairs, grinning at him. "Thanks, Clint. Hi, guys." She sat on the bottom step, letting them come sniff her. One didn't really like her all that much. It was trying to get away from her and Clint. "It's okay. I'm not mean. I'm a nice people." She smiled. "Did you bring dog food? We only have a small bag of dog chow."

"Not yet. We can do that tomorrow when I take you guys to buy some guns. What's going on anyway?"

"We'll have pterodactyls twice a year on summer and fall solstice." He blinked a few times. "There's a portal."

"What the fuck?" he muttered. She got up and took him to see that portal. He blinked a few times, taking pictures for others. "Natasha is not going to believe this," he muttered. He brought her back to the house. The dogs were watering some bushes. The monkeys had managed to slip inside so Darcy went to shoo them back out. Mostly by application of cut up fruit on the porch. All but one wanted that and that one she carried out to sit on the porch with Clint and the dogs. They came over to sniff her again, getting pets with smiles. Clint shook his head, then sighed. "Okay, so how do you fight those?"

"Xander suggested big shotguns or machetes."

Clint looked at her. "Yeah, big shotguns we can do." He nodded, petting the dogs. "Only you two could find dinosaurs in a portal."

"We have another one that we're next to and it's thin. We get visited by ghostly people over there. Xander's been really helpful." She grinned. "And he's young and cute."

"Great! If he was here you could date him." He stared at her. "Anything else that's super weird?"

"We have two open portals in the hallway. One's blocked and locked, it goes to a shower somewhere bright and warm and has a New Yorker who's complaining about it being in his shower. He tried to get through so Frank put a gas canister of some kind into it to send him running again. The other one went to a place where someone was putting people in a meat grinder.

"They got stopped by the police thanks to Frank. We've been hearing construction noises but it might be destruction instead of building. Jane!" she yelled. She came through the house. "No monkeys, Jane." Jane went to get the monkeys she had let in out of the house. And she did clean up the spot one had marked. Darcy rolled her eyes. "We really have to fix one corner of the kitchen floor already thanks to the monkeys."

"The construction team didn't mention them at all," Clint told her. He wouldn't mention he had seen them slightly when he had helped the scouting team.

She shrugged. "We have about sixteen families here. I called the Bronx zoo to come look at them to make sure they were healthy and I was doing the right thing. They thinned the herd some."

He patted her on the arm. "Only you two." She swatted him and the dogs barked. "No, guys, I earned that."

"Both boys?"

"That's Boris and Bullwinkle. They came with those names. Rocky was a straight brown one but had been adopted and Natasha was a black one but she got adopted by a rescue service."

"Ah." She nodded. "I'm told the monkeys won't bother them too much. We can train the monkeys off the dogs if they start."

"That's fine. I'm sure there's dogs in places that have natural monkeys." He took a picture of the weird one. "Why is that one orange? Hair dye?"

"Different species," Jane said as she came out. Darcy went to save her kitchen from the monkeys that rushed in around Jane. She had to pry a few out of things but otherwise they all ran outside when she threw fruit out the door. She came back after shutting up the house and sat down again, grinning at Clint. "Sorry," Jane said.

Darcy shook her head. "It happens, Jane. We're going to end up fixing that corner though. Thankfully the floor is laminate so it's easy to replace."

"You might have to replace the underfloor too," Clint said. "I'll look at it tomorrow." She grinned. "Anything else they appreciate?"

"One of the beds and I've thrown the mattress outside for them with my former one. They dragged it into the basement for their napping down there." He nodded. "But I ordered two new ones and they arrived yesterday. Jane's better at driving a boat than the van she used to have." Jane pinched her on the arm. Darcy grinned at the dogs. "You're both good boys." They barked. She held out a hand, letting them sniff it again. "Will you like it here with us? We're nice ladies. Jane cuddles too." The dogs sniffed Jane then came back to Clint to let him pet them. Darcy sighed. "They'll probably miss you a lot."

"By then you'll have them spoiled." He looked at the dogs. "We can go pick up guns, dog food, dog treats, and dog toys tomorrow. Maybe even a dog house."

"The monkeys would probably take it over," Jane said.

"We can get a few extra to put up a tree for them," Clint said. "Easier than building treehouses like Castle suggested." The ladies grinned at that. "He didn't mention the monkeys either." He took film of them and sent that with the other pictures to Natasha. Who sent back a gif of a flashing, twisting question mark. He took more film of the monkeys. She sent back a 'WTF' gif of the same style. He grinned and called. "Darcy said hi and so did Jane and the dogs." He listened. "Yeah, there's monkeys. Did they leave any spare flooring down here? Because monkeys aren't potty trained, Natasha." She tried not to laugh at that. "Please do ask the geek king." He looked at Darcy. "No, she looks okay. Hasn't lost weight."

"We have the garden started and the monkeys are greedy," Darcy said loudly. "They take a lot of it."

"Yeah, that's what she said, Nat. Yup, monkeys. Gray monkeys and orange monkeys. Like weasley hair orange." He grinned.

"They're called golden lion tamarins, and the gray ones are called vervet monkeys," Darcy said. "We talked to the Bronx zoo."

Clint repeated that and Natasha hung up on him but was laughing about him adopting some monkeys. "She's giggling."

Darcy grinned. "So did we when Jane said she was replacing me with three of them."

"I doubt she can teach them to use the machines. If so, we're all in trouble when they go invade Asgard." He looked at Jane then went back to petting the dogs. "Anything you're missing already?"

"No we've had to go out twice so we picked up pizza and chinese those days," Darcy said. "The other portal's people are really nice. Xander's great to talk to. I've talked to a few of the girls he's training and they're sweet teenage girls who're warriors."

Clint blinked a few times. "Okay, go slower." Jane pulled up her notes on all that. Clint read them over, nodding slowly. "I think that's a comic book to us. I remember he said something about that, snorting about teenage female warriors." He handed Jane her phone back. "Kinda weird though."

"Yeah but they're nice neighbors," Darcy said. "The girls are sweet and he's keeping them teenage girls. They occasionally steal cookies." Clint just nodded and patted her on the arm. She rolled her eyes but got down next to the dogs to pet and play with them. They were her dogs. One of the younger monkeys came over to get Jane to pet her. Darcy took her to pet instead, letting the dogs sniff her.

"She's tiny and we protect these guys, okay? If they're mean I'll stop them but they're nice furries." She petted the baby, letting it stare at the dogs. It finally leaned over to sniff the dogs back and then poked one on the cheek. "Be nice, little monkey." It watched Darcy pet the dog and reached over to do the same thing, making the dog relax. "See, they're mostly okay. We'll stop any that're mean to you and help you hide from 'em until I can train them better."

The monkey got up to pet the dog better, laying on its back to cuddle in. "Awww." An adult monkey started to make noises so Darcy looked over, petting the baby. "It's fine. I'm watching her." A few adults came down, including the mom, who stared at the dog. It sniffed her then lapped her gently, putting his head back down. The monkey mom huffed and climbed up to get her errant kid, walking her off grumbling at her.

The adults stayed to test the dogs and got lapped too. One followed Darcy's petting actions, getting a smile and a pet from her as well. That helped and they ran off to talk amongst themselves about it. "See, I told you it'd be okay. We'll make good friends and it'll be cool, Bullwinkle." She grinned at Clint. "Thanks for the collars with names. Do they have toys?"

"Not yet. We can pick some up tomorrow." She nodded, going back to spoiling her new dogs.

Jane looked at Clint. "You gave her more to do," she said dryly.

"It's good to have a dog, Jane. It gives you something to cuddle in the middle of the night since I doubt you two do that."

"No, I'm not into girls." She shifted and a monkey jumped down into her lap, staring at her. She petted the orange one. "I'm keeping Darcy from naming you guys."

Clint shrugged. "I'd probably name them too." He got a video call from someone. "Hey, Steve." He waved, letting him see Darcy on the camera.

"Hi, Steve!" she called with a grin and a wave.

"Hey, Darcy, Jane, and Clint." Clint turned the camera back to him. "I was wondering where you were. We're starting movie night and all Stark said was you were out and about. I thought he meant locally."

"No, not hardly. Darcy's got a portal here that'll spill weird stuff in about four days."

"Awww. Does she need more help?"

"I doubt the shield'll help," Clint said dryly. "We'll have dinosaurs."

Stark leaned into view. "Excuse me?"

"Pterodactyls to be exact," Jane called. "It opens on summer and fall solstice we're told." She held up the monkey. "One of our two breeds down here."

"Stark, did the workers you used leave any spare flooring?" Clint asked. "One of the monkeys got happy in a corner and it needs replaced."

"The first night we were here," Darcy agreed with a nod. "Crappy went to the Bronx though." Clint shook his head quickly at that.

"Um, check the storage area behind Jane's lab," Stark said. "There might be some. They didn't mention monkeys. At all."

"It was in the SHIELD report," Maria Hill called from off-camera. She came over. "Good, you're there. Are the dogs fine?"

"So far. They've sniffed a few monkeys, gotten petted. They're loving Darcy's petting. We'll go out tomorrow to pick up guns for them and treats and toys."

"That's fine," Hill agreed. She spotted the monkey on Jane. "They were very confused by them."

"We've training them to stay out of the house," Darcy said. "Because they like to mark their territory."

Hill nodded. "That doesn't really surprise me about any animal. Have fun with that." She grinned. "Need anything huge?"

"Screens? But I guess we can have some made or something."

"Not that hard," Clint agreed. "I've done that before." He looked at the nearest window. "They have a space for one so it won't be that hard to order some." Darcy hugged his arm. He looked at Hill again. "I sent Natasha film of the portal with the dinosaurs."

"I got that," she agreed with a grin. "She's very confused in Belarus." Clint smirked. "Have fun with that and see if you can find the source so maybe they can close it for good." She hung up and went to laugh in a bathroom.

Clint put his phone up. "We can do that before we hit the stores tomorrow."

"Usually Jane goes so it's safer."

"Jane can't pick out good dog toys. I'll make sure they don't come for you, Darcy. They won't follow us back either. The two agent boats are on the other side of the bay right now watching drug runners." She grinned and relaxed. "If I can sneak around Natasha to get her coffee and cookies, I can sneak you to a petco, a home store, and a gun store." She hugged his arm again. "And probably to pick up some extra groceries."

"We could probably use some," Jane agreed. "And SHIELD to pay her."

"Yeah, that's coming tomorrow to a bank account sent up in her present name that's in the Bahamas. It'll lead to a local bank, and she can draw from that. The bank knows that she's in protective custody due to death threats so they're not going to bust her like they would some wannabe drug lord." She grinned at him for that. "It'll be fine. It's almost all finished setting up. You probably have some left on that prepaid card that was the last of the remodeling fund."

"That was about six hundred and it's nearly gone," Darcy said. "Plants, extra food for the monkeys, all that." He grimaced, sending Hill a note about that. She sent back that it wasn't right but she'd look. She sent back it had been a mistake and she was loading it onto there now. Clint grinned at her. "Check it in the morning before we go, Darce. Hill fixed someone's oversight."

"Fury?" Jane guessed.

"Probably," Clint agreed. "He's mad at himself."

"If he had just read like I suggested," Darcy said dryly then shrugged. She went back to petting the dogs.

Clint grinned. "That's why he's mad at himself." He noticed Jane was starting to nap and cuddling a few of the monkeys so he nudged Darcy and nodded inside. They snuck inside with the dogs, going to put him in a bedroom and let him check the house for necessary repairs. He knew how to turn on the ice maker on the fridge too so that was great.

***

Clint paused at the local FBI office on his way home during the second trip, to pick up the guns. He stared at the senior agent until the guy looked up. "So."

"You're...."

"Barton, SHIELD." He held up his ID.

"I was thinking about your other job, Hawkeye. Why the visit?"

"We have a protected person nearby. I've seen a bunch of your agents near her hiding place."

"Hmm." He looked up his current case load. He saw one note that was cross-posted from SHIELD. "Okay, I see one SHIELD listed event that's listed 'she's invisible unless it's an issue' from your people and the Secret Service." He read that one and blinked a few times then winced. "Damn it."

"Yeah, a real oh shit situation we had to fix because our director chose not to do any research," Clint said dryly, leaning on the doorframe. "But a lot of you are near where she's hiding."

"Our orders, from the top spot, are that both women are considered invisible unless it's a problem. They're allowed guns or whatever they need. They're to be ignored on sight unless it's an emergency situation or they call for help."

"Then the three boats watching her island?"

He looked that up and winced. "That's not about her. They thought that might be a Stark safehouse and were watching in case someone broke in to steal whatever he left."

"He did the reno's for her."

"That's great of him. Um... I'll withdraw them and make sure she's not bothered." He looked up. "She's probably paranoid?"

"Yes, very."

"We had zoo people from up there down here?"

"There's some wild monkeys."

"Awww. Okay. Sure, we can quit watching her house and leave Dr. Foster alone too before she opens a portal or summons Thor or something."

"She broke up with Thor." He stood up straighter. "Some of us may be in and out to visit her. The zoo people might be coming back now and then to check on the monkeys. I'll be in and out a few times. Around summer and fall solstice they do have a portal there and it'll spit weird things. I'm in to handle that actually."

"Fine. I'll make it noted to the agents that she is considered invisible unless there's an emergency. I'll make a note to have SHIELD told if there is too. Should we need to step in?"

"Only if the ones who made her run and hide show up."

"In that case, it'd better not be my people." Clint grinned. "I'll recall them right now to have that talk. Have fun with whatever's going to happen."

"It leads to a place that has pterodactyls."

"Oh, god."

"Which is why Foster is there." He smirked. "And I had to buy guns for them."

"If they have an arsenal, she's safer." Clint nodded, going to handle that for the ladies. He recalled all his agents in the office. Including the two guys on vacation time today. He went to talk to them, pulling up a single page of information. "Those of you watching the probable Stark hideaway, it's not him. He had it renovated for someone."

The agents grimaced. "But..." He pointed at the page on the screen. "That person is under this code. Notice it says she is invisible unless it's an emergency? We don't see her, don't go near her, act like she's invisible with Dr. Jane Foster at all times unless it's an emergency situation."

One agent raised his hand. "Does that mean the Secret Service is involved? I've only seen one of those and they were in witness protection."

"She sure is." They nodded. "And partially because some of us in other areas fucked up *grandly*." They all winced.

That agent grimaced. "My mom used to really like her modeling times because she was her body image ideal." The head agent nodded. "Did an agent try to steal her?"

"Worse. She found some agents involved in child trafficking." That got a mass nod again. "So she's in witness protection. Done by SHIELD." That got a few grins. "So you ignore everything about them unless they're having an emergency. I'm told there's some sort of portal out there that Dr. Foster is dealing with so we may see another member of the avengers. Hawkeye's in town for those who didn't spot him. He's buying her some guns."

"Good, it'll help," another agent said quietly. He'd been there for decades. "Not mentioning more than you did, but I was a rookie when she found those agents. If we spot any unusual agents in the area, report it to him, people. A few agents got mad that she turned in the dirty ones." The boss winced. He got up to hiss in his ear, getting a nod back. "So yeah, any agents in the area for suspicious or other reasons, be aware they're possibly the threat to her or Dr. Foster."

"Thankfully we're not big on vacationing people," the senior agent said. "But I agree, now that I know. How bad?"

"NSA," he said with a smirk. "She found NSA agents trafficking."

"Shit," he muttered, leaning on the wall behind him. "Any agents in the area unexpectedly, monitor them." The team noted. "No spreading any information of any kind. This is utmost secrecy. Also, be polite to them. Foster was or is dating Thor." A few grinned and nodded. "Thank you, dismissed. Go work on things." He went to his office to take something for his stomach. NSA being involved in anything was going to be a problem. He hoped the ladies were really protected.

Maybe that's why they had dinosaurs?

Though that would be weird even for SHIELD or Stark. But maybe Asgard....

***

Xander showed up the next morning, nodding at Jane. "So it's today?"

"The calendar online said that the equinox is at 4:22 so it's this afternoon." Xander nodded, settling across from her. "Darcy's sleeping in and our agent friend is already out there looking at it."

"I hope he's enough. I can try to break the portal a bit to get closer to being over there so I can help if I need to." He looked at the man walking in and he stiffened, his mind clearly hitting a few memories. "Oh, shit," Xander muttered.

"Who're you?" Clint demanded calmly.

Xander looked at him. "Xander Harris, watcher to the slayers in my house in South Africa. And I met the you in my realm." Clint blinked a few times. Xander looked at Jane. "So it's going to be a weird few days," he quipped with a slight grin.

"How did you know me, kid?" Clint asked, sitting next to Jane.

Xander hummed. "I'm going to plead no habla englais at the moment," he said, staring at Clint. "Because I'm about to have flashbacks and that says something with how I fight demons." He got up. "I'll be back in a bit. Let me find my axe and machete to make sure they're sharp in case I have to pop over to help." He walked off shaking his head and muttering that it was just his luck. He ran into Darcy and gave her a hug. "I'll try to break it slightly later if I need to help." He disappeared. Darcy just barely heard him swearing and blinked a few times as she walked into the kitchen.

"That's rather freaky," Jane decided.

"Um, yeah, but you had that same look about Sif a few times," Darcy said dryly. Clint winced. "It was over there at least."

"Could be," he agreed with a nod. "But damn it. Why the bad reaction?"

"Xander said he's a dangerous person magnet." Darcy stared at him. "Which you can be when you need to be." Clint winced but nodded. "Talk to him later? When you're both too tired to get up and walk away from it?"

"Yeah, I can do that. Thanks, Darce." He gave her a side hug then let her go make coffee. "Still kinda weird."

"Well, if he comes over here for good, you two can try to date," Darcy quipped.

Clint stared at her. "I do tend to like women."

She grinned. "I've seen." He rolled his eyes but was smiling slightly.

***

Xander came back from helping with a shotgun during the slight invasion of flying ancient chicken ancestors. He flopped down on the porch next to Clint, staring at him. "You good?"

"Few claw and bite marks. Otherwise I'm okay." He looked at his arms then shrugged. "I've had worse in sparring." He looked at him. "So, the me there? We were...an item?"

"For about six weeks. Not a normal thing. I was your way of remembering that you were a human."

"Was I under control?" Clint guessed.

"Yeah and then Loki was killed by a demon in front of you. Me and the girls took out the demon, and you followed us home. One of the slayers realized you were under control and got you free, so you used me to get back to being human."

"I... I probably wasn't good to you."

"No but I get a lot of that. We broke up when another problem happened and you all but gave me to the other one to get his help. Thankfully I heard and fought back and killed three of his people, making him amused. The overlord or warlord wannabe was highly amused at battling slayers being girls." He grimaced. "And it sucked huge. He was good at it but I about killed his scarred ass."

Clint winced. "I'm sorry that me did that, kid."

"I'm over it, Barton. I realize you weren't in your right mind. You used to shoot at agents who showed up to nag my girls." They shared a look. "Not like I'm expecting it to restart. I'd never take your bony ass back. You hated me being able to get off."

"I was that much of an asshole?"

"I'm kinda used to it," Xander admitted. "Almost none of my dates want me to do more than be good to them." He shrugged. "But sometimes you gotta get the bigger weapons to fight a battle."

"You don't have a military or...." He waved a hand in the air.

"Against demons?" Xander asked, looking amused. "Hell no and we can't lean on an agency since they keep trying to confiscate the girls to turn them to their side. Frankly, I blew up three SHIELD bases in the last six weeks due to that shit." Clint slumped, shaking his head. "And got scarred guy's people another time because they wanted to confiscate one of them to blackmail her ex-boyfriend. So I saved her, took out the ex-boyfriend, and then shot into the scarred one's house to blow that up. He was not amused and started to yell so I told him to kiss my ass. He hadn't done that and it might make him a better human if he did. Then I drove off into the dust storm while he ranted and screamed about me." He grinned. "I got rewards from three others for burning his house that way."

Clint patted him on the arm. "That truly sucks."

"Yeah but it's my life. If I give it up, the girls aren't protected. There won't be any slayers in Africa if they leave or die so we'd lose a continent." He shrugged. "Very few groups want to take on dealing with demons. It bothers their religions."

"I can see that but I'd handle them."

"You got kidnaped by the redheaded one after I had you tied up in the barn after that offering thing. She totally snuck in during the night and walked you off. The slayer who saw her leaned out the door and shouted that she should've just asked, they would've given your parts to her." Clint sighed. "So I'm guessing she's got you somewhere."

"The Black Widow...."

"Oh, no, not her. I've seen her comic. She was an Asgardian bitch, not a human one."

"Seriously?"

"Yup." He nodded. "You weren't protesting and when Thor appeared to tell her to stop it, she brought him with you. So that you is still probably on Asgard somewhere."

Clint shook his head quickly. "Shit. Thankfully I wasn't as screwed up as that one."

Xander looked at him. "We're all screwed up somehow, Barton. Every damn last one of us who goes into battles like this and like yours by choice, we're all at least a tiny bit screwed up." He gave him a look. "Yours is tilted a few ways. Mine's tilted a few ways. We'll all be twisted into our final form just before we die of it. Life blows but doesn't give blow jobs and then you die hoping Death's at least got a cute ass."

Clint patted him again. "I hope you don't have to find out for years."

Xander looked at him. "I've been doing this since I was sixteen, Barton. How long do warriors last?" He got up. "You should go rest. Before Darcy gets panicky. I'm pretty sure she's a fussy, nurturing sort that'd panic that you were really hurt." He walked off to go back to his slayers.

Clint looked at his hands. "That me sucked and needed his ass kicked. I hope whatever redhead that was did it a lot." He got up and went inside, making sure no monkeys followed, to let Darcy fuss at him. "I'm fine. Just a few cuts."

Darcy looked him over, handing him the bottle of rubbing alcohol and the jar of cotton balls. "Want help?"

"I'm good." He sat at the table to clean those cuts and bites.

"Did you and Xander talk?"

"Yeah. The me in his realm was a fucking asshole. He needed his ass kicked. But I guess that's how the universe works with alternate realities." She nodded, giving him a hug around the throat. "Did the thing I sent over feed back a location?"

"It did," Jane said. "I reported that to Hill, who was not amused. She said it's the plot of a few cheezy movies rolled together." Clint grinned. "But they probably can't bomb it. She asked that I find a way to disable whatever portal making machine they have."

"Please do. It's weird to fight off dinosaurs."

Jane patted him on the arm. "Thor called you too. He's not amused that you're in a battle."

"He hates to miss battles." He finished cleaning and bandaiding the cuts, scratches, and few bites. He called Thor back to talk to him. "I'm fine, Thor. The pterodactyls were pains to fight but they went home."

Thor frowned. "Are they not dinosaurs? I saw them in the museum Darcy took us to in London."

"Yup, sure are. There's an island somewhere that opens a portal now and then to here."

Thor blinked at him then pulled his hair back. "How did you fight them?"

"Big, wide shotgun blasts." He held up his free hand to show off the bandages. "I'm fine. A few cuts, a few bites. I'm hoping that means I won't turn into a partial one."

"A were-odactyl?" Darcy quipped.

"Yeah, that. With my luck...." He grinned at her then looked at Thor again. "Hill knows where the island that's coming here is so she might need help to go defeat that portal making machine."

"I can gladly break machines. Are the ladies well?"

"Yeah, the dogs are treating them great. Jane's looking fine. Darcy's looking antsy and all but dancing around because she needs to do something but doesn't know what." He pulled her closer so Thor could see her. "See, here she is." A bang came from the hallway. "I think that's the shower portal."

Darcy went that way to listen. "Wow, look at that! Homicide in the shower. Must be easier to clean up," she said loudly, making that male voice laugh. "Too bad I've got a bigger bomb here waiting on whoever tries to come through that portal." He groaned. She went back to the kitchen, shrugging. "Maybe he'll go away for good."

"There's always hope," Clint agreed.

Xander came in, pausing in the hallway. "Damn, look at the babyman being a bitch," he said loudly. "I kinda need that bomb to upgrade it, dear." The voice groaned again. Xander shook his head as he finished coming in. "I swear I know that voice."

Clint went to listen, coming back looking confused. "That's...oh, Scarred!" He blinked at Xander, who shrugged slightly. "Crossbones?"

"Yeah. But I hate his dumb pirate wannabe ass so I don't use his name."

"Yeah, that's who that is. Darcy, that's former STRIKE commander Rumlow. He's HYDRA."

"Then he can gladly stay over there and maybe we'll figure out some sort of better boobytrap in case he gets it open."

Thor cleared his throat. "Can we use that to find him?"

"I could send over a GPS unit," Clint offered. He went to find one in his gear and send it over by sliding it under the door. He came back. "Tell Hill I sent one."

Thor looked behind him. "Clint has sent a GPS unit to wherever that other portal goes to."

"Tell her it's Crossbones."

Thor looked back. "Clint said it's something named Crossbones?" Apparently Hill walked off swearing. "I have not heard her using that language," Thor admitted, looking at the screen again.

Clint grinned. "I've seen her do it in a few languages. Do we have orders about the remains of the dinosaur chickens?"

"Nay, I have not heard."

"We want them," Stark called. "For scientific examination."

"There's like eighty," Clint said. "I'll box 'em up and send them to Stark." Tony leaned into view. "Are you sending someone down to pick them up or should I use Fed Ex?"

"Fly back with them."

"Fine. That'll take days though. I'm not due to leave until the day after tomorrow. I've got to replace a few spots of floor for Darcy." She hugged him around the bicep.

Stark nodded. "I had no idea about the monkeys. I really didn't. Let me know if something doesn't work, Lewis."

"Clint fixed the ice maker so it worked. He can show me how to put in the screens."

Stark nodded. "I have no idea why they didn't add those." He walked off shaking his head.

Clint shrugged at Thor. "I'll be back the day after tomorrow." He waved and hung up, letting Darcy hug him. She was huggy before and had been missing it recently. Xander couldn't really hug, he wasn't that solid.

*** (sent to the list's archive to here, titled weird new story)

Tony Stark walked into the zoo's animal hospital entrance, taking off his sunglasses with a smile for the vet in there. "I didn't get to see you when they went to talk about the monkeys. Is he here?"

"He's with the elephants. Is one sick? He briefed me."

"Another portal opened to a world that had dinosaurs." She winced. "So I'm letting you guys have them to see if they're sick or to hand out to people who would need to see them. The museum people got freaked out and started to scream about Asgard even though it wasn't from there."

"Wow." She called him to let him know Tony was there. "Did the monkeys get hurt? He wanted to know."

"Barton didn't say any did, but a parrot that was flying free had to be dropped at a vet." Another few people came in. He waved and his security team brought in the big crate. "We packed it in dry ice," he told her. "I have no idea who would need to see them, or want to see them, but they're animals."

She looked in the top of the crate them at him. "You're not kidding."

"No. Barton had to switch to a large gauge shotgun instead of his bows." The curator that had went down there came in. "Hey." He shook his hand. "This is what came out of that other portal. The museum people all but seized like an epileptic at a rave about Asgard. Even though we told them it didn't come from there."

"I heard. Any idea where that island is?" Tony grinned, letting him see a scan of the island. "Naturally occurring?"

"We think they based the damn movies on this crackhead from the forties trying it."

"Ah." He nodded, looking in the crate. "That should give some museum people some good models."

"Yes but they screamed and ranted and complained that Asgard did that."

"They're humans too," he said dryly. The vet came in. He held up one of the bodies, without a head. "The portal she mentioned spit out these."

"That's a pterodactyl. I thought she was exaggerating."

"No, and the museum people threw fits." Tony shrugged. "We figured if you guys didn't want to look them over and then hand them to someone reasonable who might be interested, you could find someone reasonable who was interested and wouldn't scream at me or SHIELD or Thor. Thor got *very* confused and they yelled at Pepper too."

"Any idea where the island is?"

"Indian ocean. Someone in the forties bought and claimed it for his science lab. We think someone heard about that guy's stupid ideas and used it to base the movies off of that probably piss you guys off."

"We had to run programs for weeks about how Jurassic Park isn't how modern museums are run," the zoologist agreed. He grinned. "Thank you, Mr. Stark. Will there be more?"

"If we can't break their portal machine? Fall equinox. Thor's looking forward to breaking things like he used to accidentally do to his ex-girlfriend's machines. Have fun." He walked off with his security team nodding before following him.

They looked in the box then the zoologist called a friend. "Apparently some of you yelled at Stark about Asgard having dinosaurs when it was some scientist in the forties. Stark dropped the remains on us if you wanted them. Please do. They're kept well but still." He hung up looking at the vets, who were shaking their heads.

"We are getting very unusual presents this year." He went to make notes on it. The vets could do x-rays and a necropsy to look things over. The archeologist he called showed up later with a bunch of his students to look it over. One of them did write Stark an email to see if they could find the island so they could look it over before it got destroyed. Without bringing samples home with them. The only zoo that wanted a dinosaur to exhibit was the biblical one to prove humans had existed at the same time as them.

***

Jane looked at the video conference call with the head of the science department at Culver University. It was where she and Darcy had went, and where Dr. Banner had turned into the Hulk. The head of the science department was not looking too pleased to be talking to her. "One of our science graduates is the real story behind Jurassic Park apparently. We have records from a few agencies over the years."

The man laughed so she emailed him the scanned photos and files. "I had to help close a portal that went to his island. That's his notes that he filed for a peer reviewed paper that got deleted by Nazis before it got noted. I included the scans I got from SHIELD. And the person listed as trying to redo some of his work for their thesis."

He looked the whole file over, grimacing. "There were what?" She sent over the video from their security system. He watched it. "Not a great view but clearly they were pterodactyls. Dr. Foster, how did you get involved?"

"Portals," she said.

"Oh. Is it closed?"

"Something on that side is opening it twice a year, at summer and fall equinox. Summer's was just this week." The man grimaced but nodded. "I have no idea if there's machines or a natural problem that's doing it. I've asked the people going there to please take notes for me on it. Or to bring back the machine if there was one. But we're getting known for Culver graduating doctors of science who do weird things. He brought back dinosaurs. I get a lot of that for my work. Banner gets it from his work and accident. And there's the nice one who's going to try to redo this person's work."

"Not if I can help it." He went back over it. Then he looked up that thesis list. They kept one so former graduates could look up interns to take in. "I see two that could be based on this."

"I think they're the same person, Dr. Carters. I can only imagine what would happen if they managed it and it got free on the campus. We don't have security protocols for an active shooter, much less a T-Rex."

He looked at her. "I hadn't thought of that but that's a bad idea. I'll gladly talk to them, Dr. Foster. Perhaps they'll be talked into changing their fields."

She grinned. "Please do. And if you have more people with portals, like ABD Darvanta, let me know? What they're trying I figured out six months after I went to New Mexico and I can gladly show them why it didn't work."

"I can talk to her as well. Thank you for that kind offer."

"Science isn't selfish," she said. "Someone has to follow my footsteps in case I die from an experiment. Or to shut it if someone tries to use to invade."

"Yes, they would. I'll...talk to them both." He smiled. "Thank you, Dr. Foster. Have a good day and I hope you present soon?"

"I'm presenting my point-to-point theory at Culver in six months at the symposium." She grinned and hung up.

On the other side of the video conference, the head of the science department was having a quiet panic attack. Culver didn't need the bad press for another weird scientist. At least Foster had proven her wacky ideas and was a credible scientist, but they did not need another incident like Banner's. He had his secretary summon both of those students so he could go over their thesis ideas and how they intended to prove it.

***

Clint walked back into Avengers tower, nodding at the staring people. He got onto the elevator and went upstairs, dropping his bag on the couch so he could look at Bruce Banner and Natasha Romanoff. "I have never wanted an ass plug for a battle before, until I had to cut down flying dinosaurs." He flopped down. "I've never seen a battle that stupid, and that's including Avengers battles against weird people with weird ideas and too much time on their hands. Not even AIM is that weird."

Natasha nodded. "I saw the video you sent me."

He sent her the full battle video with a smirk. "We have a thin spot between ours and another realm there too. He was helping when he could." He looked at Bruce. "A Culver graduate did it."

"That figures. Culver's known for weird scientists with weird ideas." He took the tablet from Natasha to look at that video. "Those are..." He looked at Clint, who nodded. "Other realm?"

"Indian Ocean." He grinned. "He bought it in the forties. Apparently they created the movies about that place."

"I'm not going," Banner said, handing her the tablet back. "I don't care, the Hulk would not like to play with dinosaurs." He got up to walk off, going to talk to Tony Stark, who was finishing his report about the remains he had dropped at the zoo.

Clint grinned at her. "I dropped the two dogs on her. Bullwinkle isn't too sure about Darcy but still tried to protect her from the pterodactyls. She's fussed so hard over them. They're hiding from the petting. But they do like the monkeys."

"Do the monkeys like the pterodactyls?"

"No. They hid from them."

"That's great. Did you get checked for weird germs?"

"They're from this realm."

"Uh-huh."

"Darcy bandaged my cuts, scrapes, and few bite marks." She got up and hauled him up to walk him to their infirmary. "I'm fine, Natasha."

"I'm sure you are. We're going to make sure before something on them infects and you lose an arm. You can't really be an archer with one arm, Clint." He nodded, letting her handle him. She walked into the infirmary, rerunning that film for them to see. The nurses stared at the video then looked at Clint, who got an arm held up. "He noted cuts, scrapes, and a few bites." The nurses came to drag Clint to an exam room so they could check the injuries and swab them for weird things. Natasha sat down to wait on him. Steve Rogers came in so she let him see the video of the battle.

"What the f..." he started to mutter then sighed and handed it back. "Clint all right?"

"Making sure of that right now."

"Good. Let me know." He walked off shaking his head and muttering.

"I remember when Clint did that to me," she sighed. "I've adapted too far." She relaxed, checking her emails until they released Clint.

***

Darcy heard shouting and walked over to where she could hear it. It was a thin spot so she tried to get over there. She caught the eye of one of the slayers, who came over to tell her how. She strolled over, leaning on Xander's shoulder to stare at the scarred guy sneering at the girls. "Hey. How're you today?" He glared at her. She smirked. "Keep it up and keep staring at my boyfriend that way. Watch me light your balls on fire." The guy laughed. But Xander fired on him and the guy went down with a scream. She kissed him on the cheek with a wink. "Nice job, dear. Come help me make the girls cookies?"

"Girls, help Darcy make cookies while we have a talk. You don't need to see this." He grinned at Darcy. "You're sweet." She grinned and nodded. "And probably the nicest being that ever said I was hers." She strolled off with the girls coming with her. He stared at the guy. "So," he said, crossing his arms over his chest then letting them fall. "How're you today?" The man glared as he stood up. Xander stared back. "Did you need something?"

"You do. There's a battle coming up."

"Well, yeah, but I'm going to be thinking outside the box. Dominique has agreed to help." The man glanced around then at him. "And I do have other things ready for that. I didn't even use them when Darcy's world got invaded by dinosaurs." He shrugged and walked off. "I've got to help them make cookies. Have a great day, Selfish Asshole. I don't think I want a lover who doesn't want me to have fun too."

He shot him a look before walking inside and slamming the door. He went to warn Darcy that the guy was dangerous, deadly, and fairly evil. The guy outside was huffing and complaining loudly. He ordered his people to get Xander and the girls from the house. Of course, the house was protected and they fried grandly thanks to it. He huffed off complaining even more.

***

Darcy came down a few days later to find the board holding the shower portal closed moved. It was definitely further into the hallway. She kicked it back into place and made sure it was locked. No key in the lock though. She considered it then got some duct tape from Jane's stash to put over the lock. That way no one was looking through it. She found a mirror sliding under the door and stepped on it, breaking it.

"Shit, this is going to suck." She sent a picture of the broken mirror and door to Frank and Clint. Clint said they'd get to distract him later that day, they had already planned that. Castle told her where he had left things and had her go set off another gas grenade. She did that and heard some guy, who wasn't the ones she'd heard before, swearing. The New Yorker guy was swearing in the background as he coughed.

She listened for a bit longer, hearing when the SHIELD teams attacked that house. There was gunfire and shouting and swearing. So hopefully it was safer. The door rattled. She considered it and moved the board because they couldn't replace it, and held her taser ready. The door did open and she zapped them, making them fall back through with a scream.

She grabbed the key off the floor and slammed the door shut before locking it, bracing it, and then walking off again. The duct tape went back on the lock on their side so no one could look through it. She asked Frank's phone how to brace that better so they couldn't come through. Since they had moved that bracing board.

He gave her a few ideas, one of which was easier done. Extra locks that hit on the outside of the door so they couldn't be picked? Yeah, that could help. She could go to the hardware store later. They needed more bullets too, and vegetables until the garden came in. The monkeys were quiet so she looked outside. They weren't in the trees. She went to check the basement, they were hiding in there.

She looked around, finding a scarred guy there staring at her from Xander's realm. She shrugged. "Dude, don't break the barrier or we'll have hell on both sides." From behind her, something broke loudly. Had to be wooden. Yup, that was two guys in body armor and a SHIELD guy behind them. She zapped the first one and the other one stared at the other guy over her shoulder. It was the guy from this realm. "Yeah, we've got portals." She shoved him into the agent, who tried to get him down.

The guy knocked down the agent and shot the other guy in the chest, making him sneer since he had body armor. "Hit his nuts," Darcy ordered. "He's got weapons the slayers over there need to protect people." The guy shrugged and shot him in the nuts, making him fall down screaming. "Thank you. Now, kindly do yourself since you've just made my witness protection area less safe?"

He stared at her. She stared back. "Really." The dogs came out to growl at him. He smirked. And then someone hit him on the back of the head, knocking him out. "Hey, thanks." She waved. "Go home?" The agent stared at her. She stared back. "Really. Go the fuck home with them." She waved a hand. "Before I have to throw them in the bay?"

Hill came jogging through. "Lewis!"

"Hill. Take your puppies home?"

"Gladly. Good boys," she told the dogs. "Hold them for me. Boys, come get them. Lewis, scram." She ran for the side of the house. She glared at the agent. "She is in witness protection," she said quietly. "Do not say a single word or I will have you in the Raft as a guest instead of as a guard." He nodded, helping by picking up one of the running people to bring back there. She got the ones that weren't Rumlow. Two of her agents got him to drag off. "How did you get through that?"

"It was weird so we looked," one of the idiot agents complained. "They tried to drive us off but we're not superstitious."

Hill sneered. "Pity about that." She got them into the transport jet, getting out of the way of the duo hauling Rumlow. She had a bad feeling about that. "Sedate him. Fully sedate him." They tried and he got free and escaped to a hidden area. "Shit. Someone go make sure that portal is closed."

"She's relocked it and is planning a few extra locks," Clint said as he came out. "We can blow up the house though. It might solve that problem."

"If that works, go for it. Rumlow's somewhere inside."

He shrugged. "He's HYDRA. Am I gonna care?" He went to lay explosives with some help. "There's ten minutes before this building blows up," he announced loudly. "Anyone still in here, well, we'll laugh." He walked off. Rumlow did grab a few things and went back into his bunker. Including a parrot. Clint found two guard dogs and brought them with him to the portal to go back to Darcy's house. And he did filch things from the office area that looked like financial records. Darcy could use that. Clint could split it with her.

Darcy looked at him as he let the two dogs loose. They sniffed the other two dogs. He heard another dog so went back to get it and waved at Hill before disappearing again. He found a card on the floor in front of the shower so took it with him since it was a credit card. It was nice of Rumlow to provide for his dogs. He grinned as he closed that portal, holding the door shut as the explosives went off. He looked. "Closed." He relocked the door and put the key on the fridge again with a grin for her. "Shouldn't need the board you'll trip over either."

"What was that noise?" Jane yelled.

"Clint blew up the house with the shower," Darcy called. "And we have a few more dogs."

"Cool. Hopefully they're nice." She came out to stare at the rottweilers. "Well, they look tough." The two pitbulls were sniffing them. Darcy came over to let them sniff her and took off their harnesses, letting them free for now. They barked and got into happy puppy mode. "We need to get them new toys." Clint untucked the toys he had found for them from his jacket, letting the dogs have them to play with. Darcy got hers their toys too. They all settled down to be dogs together. "We'll need more stuff."

"I can do that," Clint agreed with a grin, holding up the card. "Rumlow left that in front of the shower when I was getting the third dog."

"He could track it," Darcy said.

"True, but we'll do a cash advance." He winked. "Natasha can route it through somewhere else." He walked off calling her. "We exploded Rumlow's house while he was in a bunker and I saved dogs. He put a credit card in front of the portal." He held it up.

"I'll max it out and wire you the money." He took pictures of the card's front and back. "Give me thirty minutes to do the EFT. Can you pick it up today?"

"Within an hour or so. Darcy has three new dogs I found there." He grinned and hung up.

Darcy was nodding as she fixed breakfast. "Go check on the monkeys, Clint? They're in the basement."

"Yeah." He went to do that. "Guys, it's okay now," he called. The monkeys came out to check on things, going to pick out of the trees and garden areas. Darcy came out with food for them and Clint went inside after her, making sure none of the monkeys came in. He'd still install the extra locks later, just in case Rumlow survived. He had survived a major skyscraper falling on him. He might've survived the house falling on him.

***

Rumlow checked the security cameras that were still around, making sure he was alone before he came up. Nope, still two agents watching for him. His office's camera was still active in the safe so it had survived. It was supposed to be able to fireproof up to four thousand degrees so that was good. His second-in-command wasn't there so he sent him a simple text of 'ha ha, they thought I'd die this time?' and didn't get an answer back but that was fine.

"Where was that lady earlier?" he asked his phone, getting into the location feature. Google location would tell him everywhere his phone had been. "The US," he said dryly, staring at it. "Southern US. Huh." He nodded. "We can handle that. She can tell me why there was a ghostly version of me there that she asked me to shoot."

He considered what was now missing. Including his parrot's food. Though he had heard Barton so his dogs were probably with him, wherever he had went, and he had seen his second-in-command drop his credit card in front of the shower for the dogs after Barton had raided the desk. He used the backdoor his hacker had created into SHIELD's files to add a note to the raid about the dogs having certain needs. One had a grain allergy and one was allergic to sand fleas so probably regular fleas. Then he looked at the other files associated with Barton.

One was locked so high even Fury couldn't get into it. Or the Security Council when he tried the password he had from one of them he had blackmailed. He swore he'd seen that woman before. He went back over his old cases to find her. He frowned, running into Dr. Foster's file. "Huh. Her assistant," he said, realizing it was her. "Interesting. Why is she in witness protection?"

He went looking once he had her name, finding it in the FBI's systems. They had worse digital security than even banks did. Yup, there it was and he nodded. "That's a good reason," he decided. "Yeah, I won't use that." He backed out to make sure he wasn't tracked. He checked the cameras again, not finding the agents.

He went up to see if he could find the parrot food and maybe a pet carrier. If not, he'd have to find a way to use that portal again. His dogs were the reason he had the parrot, they had adopted him one day. He and his bird snuck off to get a flight to England and then the US. Atlanta would be a good place to start. And he had some nice contacts there. Or maybe New York. He had more contacts there and he had recognized a few voices now that he had put things together.

***

Frank Castle was lured into a trap by minions posing as an Irish mob guy who had stolen his kids away from his ex-wife and groaned as they got him. "At least you're not the police," he sneered at Rumlow.

"Yeah, not likely." He stared at him. "Tell me about Darcy Lewis."

"Torture me."

"Not into that today." He moved closer, letting his new minions hold Castle tighter. "She has my dogs thanks to Barton."

"She's good with dogs," he admitted. "Mine adored her and Barton got her two pits to love on."

"Good. That's good. I didn't think she'd hurt them but she did have me shoot the other version of me in the balls when I managed to get through that portal."

Frank shrugged. "Oh well?"

"How were there two of us?"

"No clue how that worked. I'm not Foster."

"Portal? Something else?" Frank shrugged again. "Castle, don't make me mad." He sighed, staring at him. "I don't care about her really. I just want to make sure of a few things. Like that my dogs are safe with her."

"They're probably very safe with her."

"Uh-huh. Are there other animals? I might let my parrot go there. The dogs adopted it off a tree one day. They love the loud thing."

"There's plenty of trees. Some bats nearby." He shrugged again. "Can it live wild?" This was probably the weirdest conversation he'd ever been part of. Even ones with Murdock weren't this weird.

"Yeah, it had been." He shifted his weight to stare at him. "I'm not going to interrupt why she's there and hiding, Castle. That's a business I won't stand to have going on. She's safe from me for that reason."

"She'd better be safe forever and ever from you, asshole. Even if you kill me, there's others."

"Yes, Barton," he said dryly.

"Nah. Foster was dating Thor. Thor's been pouting that he missed Darcy. His lightening sister."

"I don't want to tangle with Thor," he admitted. "I just want to figure some things out. Like how there were two of me."

"Not my thing. I don't do science."

"Is that one of me here? He looked like a ghost."

"No clue." He shrugged again. One of the minions grabbed him better. Castle tried to fight back but Brock hit him with a pain stick, making him hiss and flinch away. "Asshole," he said smugly.

"Yeah, well, it's a lifestyle." He stared at him. "How many others know about her? That way I can remove a lot of them for my dogs' safety?"

Frank shrugged again. "No clue. I only guarded her on the way down."

Someone behind them broke in. "I doubt the lady in question would like this conversation." They knocked out the two minions but Brock got out of the way and Castle didn't quite catch him. He got his shirt but not him. They ran after him and lost him in the alleys. "Let me tell Barton," the second guy said, calling him. "It's Murdock. We just lost Rumlow and I heard him asking about Darcy and his dogs."

"He's got a parrot, apparently the dogs adopted it. He wanted to know why there was another version of him there in Xander's world," Frank said, taking the phone. "Please." He hung up and handed the phone back. "Thank you."

"Welcome. Let's go after our actual target."

"Gladly. It's nice bad guys worry about their dogs but weird."

"He was a SHIELD agent so...." Murdock shrugged at that. Then he grinned. "Darcy might like to use him for fish bait. Monkeys eat fish, right?"

"Yeah, I think they're eating anything animals according to the zoo. I checked on the ones they kept. Crappy went to St. Louis but the cuddly thing that kept trying to go with us is up here."

"That's nice of her."

A minion heard that, going to tell his boss. Who wasn't Rumlow but Rumlow decided he was scum and in his way later that night so he took him out and heard that minion saying that. That helped him somewhat. Murdock and Castle would be amused when they heard but it would send some of SHIELD into a fit. It'd send Hill into a panic when she heard he had been asking about Lewis.

***

Thor, who was barely back from Asgard, got up to answer the knock on his door, nodding at Stark, Barton, and Hill. "What has happened?" He let them into his apartment. "Is there something wrong with Jane and Darcy?"

"There was a set of other portals," Clint told him. "Beyond the other realm and the dinos, there's two portals in the hallway. "One led to a place where Frank Castle found them chopping up bodies and got it stopped. The other one led to a house in Sicily that was being used by a HYDRA operative. A former SHIELD guy who turned. He found out about the portal when they were blocking it and found a way through it once. We blew up the house the portal was on in Sicily but I evacuated the dogs they had to Darcy's for her to rescue them." Thor nodded at that. "And now he's looking for his dogs."

"Dogs are important to many. She would probably give them back. Can we negotiate with him to do such?"

"He's evil, Thor. We want to shoot him, not give him back his dogs," Stark said.

"So he goes for them to get his dogs back himself?"

"He managed to make it through the portal once and found the other realm there," Clint said. "Darcy said he saw himself and had him shoot himself because that version was even more evil. It distracted him for a few minutes but that's when SHIELD broke in so it focused him on that." Thor nodded once. "We're not sure he won't show up there to ask them in person."

"Darcy and Jane can protect themselves," Thor said.

"Yes and the security system is great," Stark agreed. "Including taking out any boats or bigger things that come near the island. It'll start with a diversion for animals but non-organic forms are toast. We're not sure he can't find a way past that."

Thor nodded. "I could go for a visit."

"Jane's got a symposium coming up in two weeks," Stark said. "To present her point-to-point portal theories. She moved it up due to Culver having a fit on the science department again." Thor winced. "She'll need guarded for that. Can you do that or would you rather guard Darcy while Clint guards Jane?"

"I would go guard Jane. There's Asgardians who worry about her science and who might attack."

"You'll have a few agents backing you up," Agent Hill said. "Barton can probably handle the island with the dogs and monkeys plus the security system." Clint nodded. "Stark, can you up it so it's lethal to anyone not with an ID card?"

"That's how I exempted their boat. Clint carries one so he can get down there."

"I will watch for this man to show up to talk to Jane."

"We'll give you his dossier later," Hill agreed. "Thank you, Thor."

"You're welcome. I would never want harm to come to Jane." Stark patted him on the arm as they left. "Clinton, tell me about Darcy?"

"Sure." He came back to talk to him about Darcy and how she was doing. She was going a bit nuts with only having Jane around but she was finding other things to do. She was even thinking about crafting some things so she could start an Etsy shop or something. Plus she had the monkeys and dogs.

***

Darcy came down the stairs. "Hey!" she called. The dogs quit barking at the monkeys outside. And the guy out there. "Oh, hey." She let Xander in and shooed out the monkeys. "You know you're not allowed in here," she ordered. "You mess up things! I'll put out food in a minute." She shoved out the last one and closed the door, making Xander chuckle. The new dogs came to sniff him, looking very confused.

"Hey, pupkins." He petted them all. "It's okay. I'm not a mean one." He looked at Darcy. "That one's still pouting."

"Good." She smirked a tiny bit. "His version here that showed up is asking questions about me." He hugged her, letting her hug him back. "Thanks, Xander."

"You're welcome." He punched her on the arm. "I need something to do that's not training or talking to teenage girls or tv."

"I have a few board games. Or laundry I was doing."

"Board games in the laundry room sounds nice." She grinned, getting some things to go upstairs to the laundry again. They settled in to play Clue first while she switched around her things. Jane's laundry went into the washer and she sat down.

Jane came up a bit later. "Darcy, have you seen my plaid shirts?"

"Two are in the dryer. One's in the washer," she said.

"Damn." She looked in the washer then put the lid back down. "It's in rinse?"

"Yup. And you only have two things left in your basket. If you need to change." She looked at her. "Which is probably a good idea." She got up to get the stain treater, taking the shirt from her to get the ink out of it. "Go steal one of mine, Jane."

"I can do that." She went to steal one of Darcy's t-shirts. "Oh, hey," she told the slayer in there. "Darcy's doing laundry and playing Scrabble with Xander in the laundry room." She found a shirt to put on.

"That's fine. I know he was bored since our usual trip to town today was canceled." She went into the bathroom and looked around. "Cool! All mine!" She closed the door so she could soak.

"Don't use the lavender stuff," Jane called. "Darcy's possessive over that." She went back to the laundry room. Darcy was still working at the ink. "One of the girls is hogging your tub."

"That's fine," Darcy agreed with a grin for her. "I said that's fine for them to do." Jane grinned, taking her mostly empty basket back with her. That shirt could go in with the last load, which was sheets and towels. Darcy hummed as she worked then came back to take her turn. "Sorry."

"I do the same thing all too often," he admitted, staring at her. "You okay?"

"I'm good. Bored but good. I've been looking up crafty things to see if there's something I can do. Maybe start a small shop on Etsy." One of the dogs sniffed from the doorway. "You can come in here. This room isn't off limits, Bo." The dog came in and laid beside her, letting her pet his wide, square head. "Good boy." She grinned at Xander. "Rescued from that scarred guy's compound by Clint. So now we have five dogs."

"They're all cute. The rotties are adorable. The pits are cuddly. It's good for you." He grinned. "And the monkeys probably drive them all nuts."

"Could be," she agreed. "I find myself outside petting them at least a few times a day." He grinned. "And they're still helping Jane unless she's got the machines on." She smirked. "One erased a few numbers of her math. She yelled for hours at the monkey that did it. I had to go save it and closed the door on her." He snickered, leaning over to hug her and pet the dog.

Jane leaned in again. "I wasn't trying to be mean."

"I know. You were frustrated." Jane nodded, walking off. "Go play with the dogs."

"I'm going to sit on the porch and play fetch while petting monkeys." She went to do that, pouting that the one monkey was avoiding her. "I'm sorry I yelled," she told it. "But the numbers are important to me. They're the reason I get up in the morning." She reached over and it let her pet it then ran off. "Sorry," she sighed. She saw something zap something in the water and sighed. "Must've been someone too close." She went back to petting furry things.

On the mainland, Brock smirked at his failed minion's plight. He sent the backup team to pull that boat back so the rental people could have it back. "Stark built that," he decided with a smirk. "We can work around that." He'd try with a canoe later but that got diverted and zapped too. He went out to paddle around himself, seeing how strong it was.

He could hear the sound system that was driving people away and that was another thing to consider. And how to get his parrot out there for the dogs. He went back to the hotel to consider his current plans. He checked the guard plans and found Foster was going off for science things in a few days.

He could go then. He spotted Barton when he was out for dinner, following him. He had some sort of device that let him go to the island. He put a minion to watch for him. His parrot could go out with him. Barton liked animals, he'd never hurt his bird.

***

Brock ended up swimming out. It was a bit of a swim, almost five miles at the nearest point, on the back of the island. He had been a SEAL so that wasn't too far. The parrot had gotten the hint on the second attempt, taking off for the island from the boat. Which made Barton huff since there had been three birds that had come out with him. Maybe the monkeys would drive them off. Brock had earplugs in to avoid the noise system.

He had on a dive suit without tanks so he didn't register as more than a creature. The system was still uncomfortable for him to cross but he managed the mile it lasted. Then he was inside and managed to get onto the island and hide before Barton got out there. With the dogs of course. But his dogs were loyal and wouldn't turn him in.

The one that found him he grinned and petted. "Go back to your girl, Humper," he whispered in his ear. "Your girl needs you. I'll see you soon." The dog left him alone and went back to Barton to bark at him. He waited until Barton had went on but the asshole had put a flash grenade trap near the tree he was hiding in and it went off.

He had to get back into the water before the arrows hit him. He got two cuts but nothing sank in fully before he went back under the water. Clint set up to wait on him to come back up for air. He swam to another area to come up but monkeys shrieked at him. Why were there monkeys! He moved further on, finding a small cave that had water inside it and bats. A lot of bats.

He had to move very slowly not to wake them up and freak them out so they'd tell his location. Of course, a light came on so he had to dive again and try a different location. More monkeys. And he was getting tired. The next one he tried, underneath the dock, was at least safe for now. No dogs. No visible monkeys yelling about him. The dogs were playing in the yard and he could barely see the girl playing with them.

Barton was probably still on the other side of the island. Nope, there he was. And he played with the dogs so that was nice. The parrot was next to the dogs, sunning itself in the late afternoon sunlight. The dogs sniffed it a few times. The ones that hadn't come from him were very confused seeming but the monkeys didn't bother it and the dogs just sniffed it until it squawked so they barked back. "Two extra dogs," he murmured to himself. "We can handle that."

He felt something against his leg and looked, nearly freaking out at the tentacle. "What the fuck are you?" he hissed. He checked, Barton didn't hear him. Then again, Barton was slightly deaf. One of the dogs had heard him and was sniffing so he went further into the shadows. The tentacle got barked at but that ghostly looking guy showed up to nag at the tentacle so it disappeared. "Dominique," he mouthed. "Sure."

Xander walked back up there. "She was playing with something under the pier," he told Darcy, kissing her on the forehead. "Want a gun? Or a crossbow?" Clint pointed at his bow. "You sure?"

"Yeah. I know who it is, and he's bad news, but I'll sink him into the ocean," he said more loudly. "He should probably flee for the mainland again." No movement. "Oh well." He went to fire on Rumlow until he swam off again. He got him this time, he heard him cuss at one injury so tracked that to get him again. The one into his butt cheek didn't go far enough in to stay but it did hit him there and he had to swim off. Thankfully he had minions waiting to help him onto a boat. Clint grinned and waved. "Don't try it again," he yelled. He sent Hill a note and then sent it to the local FBI agent he had talked to. They sent out an order to pick up Rumlow for SHIELD. Clint went back to sit on the porch, petting the three new dogs. "Yeah, your former human was an idiot but you're safe now, dogs." He petted the other two. "Good boys. You're all good boys."

"Why didn't any girls come?" Darcy asked.

"Maybe he only wanted boys." He shrugged. "No idea but no puppies either."

"That's a good thing," she agreed. She petted all her dogs. They were good dogs. And good monkeys and a good bird too for some reason. She looked at the birds. "Why?"

"He had one. Apparently his dogs adopted the parrot."

"Oh. Okay. Sure. Do I need to buy food for that one too?"

"Probably. Use his money to do it."

"I am. The extra dog food too. You don't think he's just trying to get his dogs back, right?" She frowned at him.

"No," Clint said with a head shake. "He asked Castle about the other him when he had him captured for a few seconds."

"Oh. That was a cluster fuck of a day." She cuddled the monkey that was climbing up her. "Hey, little girl." She settled in to play with Darcy's hair. Xander grinned. "They're good to have around. Even if they can't talk to me."

"They are good," Xander agreed. He petted the nearest dog, getting a bark but it was a happy bark and that one went onto his back for belly rubs. "Good boy." He got into his belly loves for now.

Clint kept watch in case they tried again. Rumlow was persistent. He wouldn't give up with just one attempt.

***

Darcy woke up to the monkeys heaving a fit outside and got up to check by turning on the lights. No extra visitors. No, someone was knocking. She went down to answer the door. "Frank?" He nodded, walking in and shutting the door after making sure the monkeys hadn't followed. "Why are the monkeys going off?"

"Big storm coming," he said. She sighed, going to get her phone to check the weather reports. She did send Clint a text message but he agreed it was Frank a minute later. But he was walking weird. Darcy came out to stare at him. "Injured?"

"A bit," he admitted. "But I came to help." He grinned.

She pointed and he went to his room while she got the first aid kit for him. She helped him bandage things then he settled in to rest for now. The house had storm shutters and the monkeys would hide. The parrot...well, it got to hide with the monkeys. The dogs fretted and watched it fly off. Darcy went out to get it and carried it into the sitting room she didn't use, letting it rest on a fake tree she had in a corner. It wasn't that strong but it'd be safe in here. The dogs came in to hang out with it.

"Don't crap on anything but the tree," she warned it. "I clean up enough crap with the monkeys." She left it in there. There was a small dish of water for the dogs. The parrot could drink out of it. There was a mouse somewhere in the kitchen so it could probably eat it if it wanted to. Or the dogs would go back to scaring it to death soon. She set off the storm protections and it locked down the house. She heard the monkeys yelling in alarm so she reopened that window for them in case some got trapped.

She went to put a few chairs in front of it to block it from anything being blown in. That made them calm down. "Guys, we're protecting you from the big storm coming. Just chill out, okay?" She went to check Jane's lab, finding the door open. "Damn it, Henrietta," she muttered. That tamarin that loved Jane could open doors so she got it out of there and relocked the door, making sure all the windows had shields on them.

Jane's bedroom had a slightly open window so she shut that too. The shield would've protected it but still not a good idea. Henrietta the tamarin got put into the monkey habitat in the basement for now. The rain started so she looked up. "That looks mean." She went inside to lock the house down at the higher levels and checked her dogs, and her parrot she guessed. Or the dogs' parrot anyway. They were all settled in.

She went upstairs and found her two pits had followed her. "Sure, we'll cuddle. I'm sure storms scare you two." They snuggled in around her. Right before she fell asleep, the other three came up to curl up around her and the parrot came in to nap in her bathroom. They curled up with her under the sheets, with one of the rotties having a head stuck out the bottom of the sheet to make sure they found anyone sneaking in.

Clint and Frank stared from the doorway the next morning, shaking their heads. They went down to start coffee and deal with any storm damage. Frank stopped Henrietta from trying to break into the lab by carrying her back to the porch area. Clint put out fruit, letting her alert that it was there. The other monkeys braved the light remaining rain to come get food then went back to hiding. "I guess their fur gets messy when it's wet," Clint quipped.

"I'd hate wet fur too," Frank said. He sat down, looking around the yard. "I don't see any damage."

Clint looked at the security system. "One of the chairs blew off the porch and broke against a tree. The two she used to block the monkey shelter are turned over but still whole. One of the dog houses we put up a tree is listing down thanks to a broken branch. Nothing too big to fix." He made notes of where they could get more easily. He'd have to do it for Darcy, or Frank would, so Rumlow didn't get near her. He looked at Frank. "Came to guard her?"

"Not totally. More hiding from New York."

Clint nodded. "I can see that point. They going to send people after you?"

"No. Not for that reason. Just a lot of boy scout stress. Murdock is driving me nuts with his ethics and shit." He sipped more coffee. "I walked before I yelled at him."

"I've had that feeling but everyone has an ethical line they gotta stand on or we fall into the dark." He stared at him. "You have one because you don't hit innocents."

"True. I'm not that dark." He looked at the dog coming in sniffing. "Want outside?" It barked so he let it out to pee in the yard. It barked loudly and the rest came down to do that. The parrot flew after the three rotties, making both guys shake their heads. Still no Darcy so she was sleeping in. Clint got the dogs fed and the parrot found the mouse, pouncing it to eat. "Thanks," Frank told it. "I tried to shoot it but it ran too fast." He got up to make more coffee. Clint got his own and they settled to watch the sunlight come out of the rain. Clint turned off the storm protections, making it nicer in the house with the shields down. They got some air flow. It smelled nice.

***

Xander came out of the hallway. "I mean it, leave the girls the hell alone, asshole!" He flinched at Frank, who smirked waved at him. "Didn't expect you here. My ex is being a douchebag." He went out back to get away from him. Frank watched as the ghostly male figure followed complaining.

"I can take your girls hostage so you have to work with me," that version of Rumlow complained. He paused to stare at Frank then walked on shaking his head. At least until he ran into Clint, who smirked and put a gun to his head. "Oh, not mine."

"No I'm not and you'd better leave those girls alone. And no still means no." He waved his free hand. "Shoo. Now." He pointed. "Go."

"I can do that," Xander said.

"I'm practicing for when our version tries again," Clint said. He looked at that ghostly version of Rumlow. "It seems bullets will penetrate and you're not Barnes. You don't have that sort of serum." He grinned. "Shoo. Be a better man." Rumlow huffed but stomped off. Xander punched him on the arm, going to check on his girls. Clint put his gun up, looking at the dogs. "Sometimes, people are the things that suck the most," he told them. "Thankfully your girl is good and doesn't suck."

Darcy leaned out. "Well....." She grinned. "Thanks, Clint." She went back to making lunch.

Clint grinned at the dogs. "She might be good at that type. Never asked." He went back to his game of fetch with balls. They all enjoyed that and the monkeys clapped when they brought the balls back. He got one of the tiny ones to catch a small ball and play with it so that was good. The monkeys were probably bored too.

***

Jane looked up after her speech was finished and she was off to the side of a room calming down and making notes, smiling at Thor. "Hey." She gave him a one-armed hug. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Jane. There were two who wanted to break in to stop you but I talked to them and they've agreed they want to give up." He smiled at her. "You sounded brilliant."

"Thanks." She grinned. "It's really easy to work on the island and we have plenty of readings."

"That's good. How is the other one?"

"She's going a bit nuts with the boredom, but she's handling it okay. Clint's with her."

"I heard." She smiled. "We should have lunch."

"I have nothing this afternoon. The only one I wanted to talk to I argued with during my presentation." She smirked. "Feed me, please. I haven't been nagged about eating for days." Thor laughed but led her off to feed them both. Jane was brilliant and far too bright for the dim halls of Asgard's court. Them breaking up had been the right thing.

Of course, someone tried to grab Jane so she got to be rescued again. Though, she turned on something and the tiny portal ripped that person apart. She grinned at him. He stared then at her. "That was probably mean, Jane."

"Probably," she agreed. "But effective. No one's going to do it again."

"Hmm. True." He walked her off, hand on her back. The agents watching the symposium could come talk to her later. "An area between or true void?"

"True void. That's why it ripped him apart." She shrugged. "I hate being grabbed." He patted her but got her coffee as soon as they sat down and made sure she had plenty of food. The more hungry she was, the more mean she became.

***

Brock was using his new telescope on the island again when his second-in-command came in. "What?" he asked patiently.

"Why are you so focused on that? You wouldn't normally focus on your dogs that way."

He straightened up. "It's a mystery and I hate mysteries." He stared at him. "There was another me there. More scarred and in heavier body armor than I usually wear. Apparently he was threatening her or something because she nicely asked me to shoot him in the balls when the chest shot was blocked. She looked really relieved. So why was there another version fo me there and does he have things I could use or steal to make our lives better?"

"I got one of Hill's little minions drunk." He smirked. "That's got a thin spot between realms. Hence the portal into your former shower and that extra you."

"Really? What's with that realm?"

"He had no idea but he knew the realm portal thing was real because that's where the gray monkeys came from. Also, there's been some guy that remote surveillance spotted. No matching image but Jane Foster's and Castle's reports both named him Xander Harris and him something called a watcher over slayers." He held up a comic. "Which we have a bit of as a comic."

"So they're a side realm to ours," Brock said. His second-in-command nodded with an evil looking smirk. "Is he safe around her?"

"Apparently he's a demon hunter and fighter of apocalypse battles." Brock blinked a few times. "So that you may help him with that or you may've been taken over by a demon or something. Remote cameras and satellite show some teenage girls now and then showing up the same way. So the guy's at least protecting them, if not working with them since the comic said that they're called as teenage girls and that guy wasn't the sort to let teenage girls do anything like that without help."

"So he's their trainer," he said, considering that. "Then why would they be worried about that me?"

"If he's like this you, he's probably running arms and the kids need them." He shrugged. "No real clue."

"That answered some of it." He walked over to get the comic, flipping through it. "Wow, she's yappy."

He grinned. "Very. But the relative age of the guy against that one, she's probably about thirty."

"Huh." He kept scanning the comic, nodding slightly. "So maybe that me was trying to help and getting shoved off?"

"No idea. Lewis is a strong girl though. She tazed a few of the guys who made it through before you. Barton got them a lot of guns recently because, get this, one of the portals went to a place that had pterodactyls." Brock stared at him oddly. "Yeah! They had to fight flying dinosaurs recently." He smirked. "They gave the remains to the Bronx zoo to hand out to museum people after they looked them over.

"There's talk that it's an island in the South Pacific but no address was put into the file." He held up a thumb drive. Brock took it to run the file, then muttered at it. "Right after that thing opened, Foster called Culver for about a half-hour to talk to someone in her former science program about them. Culver put out information that they were removing a few of the graduate students for their topics of study."

"So they based that damn movie on this place?"

"Could be." He nodded with a grin. "No clue but it seems to be coincidental."

"Anything on that island so we can hack the satellite? Someone like Ramona would love a pet dino."

He shrugged but grinned. "No f-ing clue, boss. They didn't give an address yet."

He sighed. "See if we can find it. A few people would adore having such things as pets. They like the exotics." He went back to his telescope. "There's that guy." He let his second-in-command look. "He had something like a sentient vine he named Dominique."

"Great." He frowned. "That's a lot of monkeys. They're climbing all over her." He let his boss have it back. The dogs were barking at the monkeys but Darcy was calmly petting the dogs' heads while she sat down on the porch. The monkeys quit being so panicky once she sat down.

"So...." Brock said, straightening up. "Are they normal monkeys?"

"She called the Bronx zoo down to look at 'em. They thinned the group some but left most of 'em for her to fuss at with Foster. Foster's talk a few days ago credited a tamarin monkey she named Henrietta for her help and others for helping nag her into being able to survive long enough to get that out of her head."

"That was Lewis' job before," Brock agreed. "I barely remember them from New Mexico." He frowned but went back to watching. His second-in-command hooked the telescope up to a tv screen, letting it be shown that way. "Thanks. Didn't realize it could."

"That's why I changed it to that style." He walked off, leaving him with that information. It'd drive him nuts to figure out that mystery. Why had that other him been so scary to a girl? Especially that one?

***

Brock was going to make his second attempt. He was prepared for the sound diversion device, the monkeys ratting him out, and all the problems he had last time. He decided to go later at night, when everything but the bats were asleep. Even the noisy parrot that he didn't really like would be asleep. If he didn't make it this time he'd go back to the old house to see if he could get through the portal from that side.

That might actually be easier but it wasn't guaranteed. Him swimming out, he could make the island at least. He got his minions out to spot him in case something happened again, though they got driven off from the waterway by the police because apparently you couldn't boat after midnight. So they took off from farther up and came out toward the island on the far side.

Brock slid into the water and swam out there, wincing as he ran into the system to drive him off. He put in his earplugs, and that helped but the vibrations were still giving him a headache. He made it to the cave where the bats lived, getting out and checking as he moved out of the cave. No monkeys this time. He snuck toward the house but felt something hit his skull before he blacked out. He woke up in the water with his minions pulling him into their boat. "What?" he murmured, wincing as his head moved.

"Castle." His second-in-command smirked. "Big rock."

"Great." He passed back out.

Frank checked for anything Brock may have left, bringing it into the house to show Barton. That way if there was anything SHIELD could use, they could have it. Clint stared at him from the piano, then shook his head. "How far did he make it this time?"

"On the ground from the bat's cave."

"That's why I moved that sensor out there." He went back to playing for some stress relief. Thankfully Darcy was asleep upstairs with the dogs.

***

Thor looked up as he and Jane landed, walking her up to the house, smiling at the hominess of it. "This has turned out well." He paused to stare at the parrot then petted it gently before following Jane inside.

"Watch out so the monkeys don't come in," Darcy called from somewhere.

"Of course," Thor agreed, shooing them out. "You may not come in. She does not want to clean up a mess you'd make," he told the young monkeys. They chattered back but did as he requested. Jane had to move two more out, though her friendly one was now on her back so that was fine she guessed. Thor had missed one but spotted it trying to rip into something so picked it up to cuddle. It struggled so he put it out back.

Darcy spotted Henrietta and took her from Jane to put outside. "You can have her in the lab, not in here. There's food in here and you throw poop." She closed the door, giving Jane a dirty look before going back to cooking. "Thor!" She smiled and cuddled him. "Clint's around here somewhere putting up more monkey obstacle course parts with Frank." She grinned, going back to her stirring.

Jane sat down with a sigh. "The symposium was mad. We had two attempts to get people, but not to get me. Thor stopped the two Asgardians who wanted to snatch me."

"Aww, thank you, Thor. I'd hate to be here by myself." Thor snickered, coming over to give her another hug. "Thanks, big guy."

"You look good, Darcy." He let her go. "Are you well?"

"Bit bored. The dogs are out with Frank right now. I've done the laundry already and all that stuff. Clint fixed where the monkeys peed in one corner repeatedly before we stopped them from coming in. I fixed Jane's mirror where Henrietta got panicked about seeing another monkey." She looked at Jane, who rolled her eyes. "So yeah, we're okay for right now."

She punched him on the arm, going back to her dish. "This is nearly done but it's for dessert. Dinner's in the oven and it'll be about twenty more minutes. Go put stuff up, Jane." She nodded, going to do that. Thor went to nose around the bottom level. Darcy grinned to herself. Thor was a good guest. She did text Clint to warn him they were back.

***

Thor finished his report for Asgard's Council, who all stared at him oddly. "How would that have happened?" one of them demanded.

"Someone with science," Thor reminded him. "Jane has put up a complaint against him for doing that but he started that many years ago. He was arrogant and it's a pain to deal with. We have no idea how to end that island without causing a lot more problems for the surrounding peoples." He looked at the film he had borrowed to show them. Then at Heimdall. "Is there any good way to end such portals without Jane's machines?"

"Not that I'm aware of, Thor." He stared at the picture. "Perhaps magic would help more if her machine cannot."

"They think there is a machine on that side and them going against each other could open other portals. Especially as the island Jane and Darcy live on has a thin enough spot that they chat pleasingly with the ones on the other side."

Heimdall shook his head. "It would probably do that, yes. It is most amusing. As is the one that wants answers."

Thor sighed but nodded. "I was warned of him and they drove him away from a third attempt by trying to arrest him."

Heimdall smirked. "We should send someone who can sneak into that area to see the machines so Jane Foster can decide how to break them," he noted. "Someone able to get around all the creatures."

"If only Loki was around," Thor shot back, staring at him.

"He is, merely not able to get out of his cell. We could send him. It risks nothing if he does win or fail."

"True," the head of the council agreed, considering it. "We shall do that. Thor, do we need to send him with special weapons?"

"They used bigger guns to blow the heads off," Thor reminded him. "Some have used a sword in the past."

That got a nod. "We can make sure he has what arms he needs for that." The others nodded they agreed. That was too weird for Asgard and they needed to make sure it didn't spread. Before Asgard had to fight dinosaurs.

Thor smiled for them going along with his plans this time. It was good to be the prince.

***

Brock Rumlow was back in the shell of his former hideout, working on the portal's lock from his side. There were multiple locks now, mostly of the sort that slid or hitched on the other side only. It was annoying but he understood she was paranoid.

***

Loki was sent to that island. His cuffs disappeared as soon as he landed. He was rolling his eyes at this whole plot but sure enough, he ran into a small dinosaur that usually ate meat. He had to fight it off as he headed for the only structure on the island, which had to be the main machine area. Thor's mind went weird places but not even Thor was this weird. He had to take down another flying creature as he snuck, making sure it didn't give him away. Thankfully he had been given a sword.

***

Darcy had a bad feeling. "Guys, something's going to happen."

"It's your anxiety," Jane complained into her coffee.

"No it's not. The monkeys just fled for the basement." The guys went to check. "The dogs are out back?" Jane went to call them in. "Boys!" Darcy yelled when they didn't listen. "C'mon, it's a bad thing!" The dogs all ran inside to bark at her before sniffing around the house. One paused by the doorway to that shower and barked then moved on. Darcy looked at Jane.

"Go lock yourself in your suite," she said quietly. "Just in case?" She nodded, going that way with the rest of the coffee. Darcy got up to check some things, handing Frank and Clint both shotguns and extra bullets. She checked the security system. "The dino portal is glowing," she announced. "It's early."

"Thor said they sent someone to examine it to see what sort of machine it was," Clint admitted. "Could be that?"

"Could be," Darcy agreed. "Could be a huge storm coming. Not sure." She went to check but the slayers weren't at home. They were off at a battle at the moment. Xander had said they'd be back tomorrow. She came back in shaking her head. "No idea." She let Henrietta into Jane's suite because she was throwing a fit at the lab out back but otherwise things were normal but felt weird. And quiet.

***

Loki found the machine and the being that ran it. He blinked a few times but avoided the beast's sight so he could take pictures of it. It was mobile enough to move. Of course, touching it meant it started to run. The beings outside started to call and flap about, getting hyped that the machine was starting. "Oh, bloody fucking hell," he muttered, getting back into the shadows in case something came to examine it.

***

Clint heard a shriek and winced. "That's the flying ancient chickens."

Frank nodded, checking the shotgun again. "Blow off the heads?"

"Hit 'em anywhere and they're down," Clint assured him. "Darcy, go hide upstairs with the dogs." She ran up there and most of the dogs followed. One stayed with them. "You can go guard the girl," he told it. "Really, Pupkins. You don't have to help us fight this stupid thing." They went outside to check the portal. Yup, it was opening. It was almost able to be gotten through.

***

Loki noticed the portal was nearly completely open so let it and shoved the machine through. That didn't end it but it meant they couldn't reopen it from that side. He stepped through to help battle the flying menaces. Castle kicked the machine off to the side so it was out of the way as he fired on more of the pterodactyls. Loki got out of Barton's way before he shot him as well. He knew Barton wanted to, and he felt sorry for what had happened, but he didn't need shot today.

***

Brock heard firing and winced, working faster on the locks. One last lock. And it was open. He got out and saw the flying things, grabbing his long field blades to go help. Loki had a sword and was helping. Brock got a few that got past them and the dog jumped to catch one. "Go inside, Pepper." It barked but ran inside to go guard the kitchen. Clint glared at him. "Just helping and checking on my dogs." Clint shot at him but he ducked out of the way, only getting a graze. "Hey!"

"I'll kill you after we get the dinosaurs. Can't we end the portal? FOSTER! Machine's here!" She came rushing out to break the machine. Clint looked back at the sound of another shotgun but it was Darcy. "Go back inside, Lewis!"

"I got the one that made it inside." The parrot made an alarmed noise so Brock defended it and got the things bothering it. Finally the portal went down. Loki took another swing and muttered something.

Frank Castle looked at the two bad guys then at his fellow not-exactly-a-hero. "Okay," he decided. "Who the fuck are you?" he asked.

"That's Loki," Darcy said, staring at him. "Gee, thanks, Loki."

"I was sent to get the machine so Jane Foster could break it," he said, pushing back some sweaty hair. "I did not intend to come to this charming place, chit."

Darcy scowled. "Loki, I have a name. Use it."

"I know nothing of that," he said with a smirk. She walked closer and he winced. "Oh, you. Um, Lady Darcy."

She nodded. "Okay. So you broke it from that side?"

"I got near it and it started on its own so I brought it for her to break." He cleaned off his blade and put it back into the scabbard on his back. "I was trying to find it not set it off."

Darcy nodded. "Okay. I get that. Don't go near Clint."

"Of course not. Neither of us needs that." Clint snorted.

Darcy put a hand on his arm, getting it shaken off. "Clint, he was under control," she said quietly. Clint slumped but still glared. "So hate but hate with facts."

"Of course I do."

She looked at the other guy. "I'm sorry they stole your dogs, but I've been very good with them."

He nodded. "Doesn't concern me actually."

"You weren't coming for the dogs?"

"No, I showed up to see about that other me."

"Oh, that. Well, he's possibly helping Xander and his slayers right now at a battle. They're not due back for at least a day. So can you go away again and forget you ever got here?"

He stared at her. "Lewis, I'd hate to let the people you turned in exist in any form," he said bluntly. "I'm not going to sell you out for this. Frankly, good on you for taking them down and out. Saved me some work." She scowled. He stared back. "Really." He shot at Castle when he moved. "I don't need another concussion, thanks, asshole."

Frank smirked. "I can solve the need for one." He fired on him.

"Hey! Watch the animals," Darcy complained. "Go fight by the water or something." She pointed. She heard another footstep and looked then fired on them. That Brock and Clint both went down. "Better! Now we don't have bad guys!"

Frank blinked. "He was?"

"Yeah, that Clint was. He used Xander to recenter himself then gave him to Brock for a favor."

Clint grimaced. "That blows."

"I didn't think him capable of that," Loki said.

"Whole other realm, Loki," she complained.

He tested that portal and those two not dead bodies. "Hmm. A lot of bad energy there."

"Hellmouth," she quipped with a smirk.

"If that's what I think it is, it's foul."

Darcy nodded. "Which is why the slayers and watcher fight against it." She looked at Brock, who decided to stroll over and talk to his other self. "If we break the portal, the hellmouth there would start here." That got a nod from Loki. "And I don't want Xander hurt by those two."

"He can handle it," Jane said.

Darcy glared at her. "If your ex's did that stuff to you I'd protect you too."

"Fine. You're in mom mode." Darcy scowled so she took the machine off to tear it apart. She had to make detailed drawings and plans from it. Henrietta came out to hop onto her back to help her by holding her pen now and then and tools the rest.

Frank looked then shook his head quickly. Clint was nodding at that but working to clean up the mess.

"Any living ones I know people who'll pay a ton to get them," Brock offered. "I can split the profits with you."

"If they're bad guys, send 'em to the island," Frank said. "Let them gather their own."

"They may not survive," Loki said.

"I think that's the point," Darcy said.

"Oh, well, that would be interesting to see who won at least. Entertaining." He went up to the porch to sit down.

Darcy got everyone water and handed one to Brock too. "Not poisoned. Not sure why I'm not." She walked off. "Let's burn these, guys?" They nodded, helping her pile them up and make a bonfire. Brock was talking to his other self.

"A green nuclear bomb?" Brock asked, sounding interested.

"I'd feel like it's a good idea to lock you in a closet," Darcy warned without looking. "We don't need more shit like that. Thank you anyway!" She threw another dino body onto the fire. "Come help, Rumlow. We'll be here all night and they'll rot the land and poison all of us." He sighed but came over to help with the clean up. Once the fire was going, Darcy went inside to go hide in her room for a bit. The dogs followed, even Brock's dogs, and curled up around her so she could sniffle on them.

Clint looked around then headed inside to check on her. He came back to slam that portal's door then went back upstairs. "Hey, shorty."

"This isn't the way I thought my protection would go," she said quietly, looking up at him. "This is going to draw a lot of attention to me and I was getting comfortable here. I don't want to give up the house."

"You don't have to. No one's going to ask Loki about you. I'm about to pierce Rumlow's skull if Castle doesn't." He came in to cuddle her, letting her stress cry on him. The dogs looked worried so he petted them. "It's okay, guys. She's just upset. Girls do this sometimes." She pinched him but the dogs moved to get closer to their human. She petted them, smiling at them.

In the hallway, Castle looked at Rumlow, who he had in cuffs. He led him back downstairs. "I think it's about time you gave up."

"I'm not here to upset her."

"I get that but you did." He smirked and hit him in the face, making Brock shake his head slightly. Xander's form showed up. "Hey, kid."

"Frank." He looked at Brock. "Let me guess, couldn't stay away from my pretty ass?"

Brock stared at him. "You're cute and all but I'm not the evil fuck that one is."

"That's good to know. Since I only seem to draw dangerous assholes." He looked at Frank. "What happened?"

"They sent Loki to look at the portal machine with the pterodactyls. It started on him so he shoved the machine over for Foster to break."

"Ah." He nodded once at that. "Great. Magic and tech don't really mix." He sighed. "Or I wouldn't have just had a battle with someone who decided to open their own hellmouth." He wiped his forehead off with his arm then looked at Frank again. "She need help?"

"She's stress crying on the dogs," Rumlow said. Frank punched him again. "Stop it before I pay it back," he sneered.

Xander sighed but shook his head. "Great, you are as big of an asshole as my version of you. Just what the worlds need."

"Does your portal open?"

"No, because then the hellmouth would start to form here."

"Your little tentacle plant thing?" Brock asked.

"Dominique is a kraken inside the hellmouth." He smirked. "She can manifest the same way I am." He looked behind him. "Kayta, we all good?"

"All bruised and nasty. Is Darcy in the tub?" she asked Frank. "We heard sniffling."

"Stress, kid. Go soak and rest. Or swim. We won't bother you."

"I'm not worried about you perving but that one," she said with a point at Brock. "And his other ex are both leering assholes."

"You're too damn young for me," Brock said patiently. She smirked as she strolled off. He looked at Xander. "You let them in battles?"

"I can't do it on my own, they're all over seventeen in my house, and someone's got to fight the shit we handle. I can't do it on my own."

"No militaries?"

"Like they'd help!" he snorted, giving Brock a disbelieving look. "They haven't helped yet and it's been *years* since I came down here to train the baby slayers. They saw the first demon battle and decided we're all invisible. I don't get any help, or weapons, or anything. Which is why I have to lean on guys like your other self." He looked at Frank, who patted him on the arm.

"I know!" He got free. "It's fine. I'm used to it. At least we're not dealing with the assholes who want to take the girls out. They finally got that point when we let two countries handle it themselves and they failed and died." He walked off for the kitchen, making some coffee. He brought out a mug, handing it to Jane. "You're making sure it can't break mine too?" he asked as he handed it over.

"We are, Xander." She looked up at him. "You're nasty looking. What happened?"

"Battles," he said dryly. "What I've been doing for the last few days." He walked off. "I need to check on the two girls in the hospital." He kicked the Brock from his realm on his way past him. The guy tried to grab him so Xander kicked him harder. That got a moan of pain. "If your people had done the right things, I wouldn't be worried about two of my girls because they wouldn't be in a hospital." He walked past him to go check on his girls.

"That's your battle shit, not mine," that Brock called after him. Frank shot him in the throat then walked off to check the kitchen. The monkeys were still hiding so that was nice.

Clint pulled out his phone to call his boss as he came down the stairs. "Hill." She looked up and stared at him. "We've had a cluster of fucks today."

"Is that Rumlow and Loki?" she demanded.

"Loki got sent to check on the dino island for his people."

"They decided I could sneak in to check the machine and if they ate me, oh well," Loki said sarcastically.

"And the machine started when he got near it so he shoved it over here for Foster to break while we finished off the flying menaces." Hill nodded slowly, dropping her pen. "Rumlow finally managed to make it here so he could talk to his other self from Xander's realm. He's stated he doesn't want to rat Lewis out."

"That's good." She cleared her throat. "I don't have anyone who can come arrest those two."

"Thor's in New York."

"I will not harm Darcy. I admire anyone who puts Thor in his place," he said dryly, smirking at Barton.

"I'm going to put a hole in your skull in a few minutes," Clint said. "Just sit there and shut the fuck up." Loki stared at him but did settle more deeply into the chair because apparently Clint looked like he had reached his last nerve. He looked at Hill. "Sending people down here would bring attention and Lewis doesn't want to have to flee again. She'd miss all the monkeys."

"She'd miss the dogs," Brock said.

"Dogs can move with her," Clint said impatiently. "Shut up before I shove you back across that portal and tie you to something while I finish blowing up that house." Brock huffed but did settle down. He looked at Hill again. "We need a quiet extraction of them so no one comes near Lewis. And if you send new STRIKE, be aware I'll be killing the few that are of questionable morals since they apparently raped a few people."

"I'd have taken them out," Brock said with a sneer. "They let 'em live with that sort of faulty problems?"

Castle shrugged. "I'm not SHIELD but I would've taken 'em out too."

Clint grinned. "Natasha handled them and they all spent delightful amounts of time in the hospital beds and in therapy. That was their one mistake and she's slowly taking them out as she needs practice." The guys just nodded at that. Natasha Romanoff could handle many problem men and then just wipe her hands off as she strolled off. He looked at Hill again. "Plans here? Before I just kill them both and sink them into the bay?"

She cleared her throat. "Don't start a war with Asgard." She looked behind them then at him again. "Lewis?"

"Upset. Rightly so." He stared at the picture. Brock got free and he spun to kick him in the neck, making Castle duck as he grabbed Brock again.

"I've had enough," Darcy said from the doorway. "Stop it before I hurt you." Brock snickered so she shot something at him, making him scream and fall down. "I warned you. Quit giving me hell. I don't need this right now."

Loki stared at her oddly. "When did you get that?"

"Jane built it." She grinned at him. "I have a headache thanks to earlier. Just...sit there, don't be evil, and don't make my headache worse or hurt the animals. Okay?" She stared at their Brock, who was holding his leg and panting in pain. "Good for you too?"

"Yeah, I can be a good boy. We can all get along for the next little while so you can rest."

She smiled. "Good!" She wandered off rubbing her forehead.

"Damn," Brock said, looking amused.

Clint looked at Hill again. "Storm coming in?"

"Some women get a headache from crying," she admitted but did check. "Yes, a bad one. You're under severe thunderstorm warning." She looked at the camera again. "I have no idea what to tell you."

"We can't get through the portal to where they were chopping up bodies. They tore that down. The one to his shower is apparently still standing enough." He looked at Rumlow then at the picture again.

"No, the minions are taking it down," Brock quipped. "To end the freaky stuff there."

Clint nodded once at that. "Okay. So, Hill?"

Jane came out onto the porch. "We've got to shut this down, guys. We've got a huge storm system coming and it looks like it's three days of severe thunderstorms and maybe a tornado or two they're saying." Clint nodded and hung up, looking at the two bad guys. Jane looked at Loki. "We have a room but if you give me one bit of hell, I'm going to sit your frosty ass out in the rain and let you die from it." He scowled. She stared back. "Darcy's compassionate, I'm not. Frankly, you just endangered Darcy and I won't have that."

"I would tell no one where she is."

She leaned closer. "That doesn't mean the ones who're watching you won't and they don't like Darcy because she makes Thor act like a man instead of a boy. She makes him use manners and be an adult and prince, not the joking frat boy soldier he was." Loki sighed but nodded. "So yeah, if they hurt Darcy, I'm going to destroy them, and probably your realm." She grinned. "Thor saw my new device, which is based on voids."

She looked at Brock. "Aww, I knew she stole the laser." She stared at him. "You can sleep outside." She walked back inside. "No monkeys in the house, Mortimer! Or you Snapey!" They ran out. "Thank you! Darcy has a headache and doesn't need to clean up any messes."

"Are your arms broken?" Brock complained. Jane glared back at him. "I'd clean it up for her. So would Barton and Castle probably." Both guys nodded but looked away. Clint looked amused. "Is Lewis your slave or your assistant, woman?"

"Oh, shut the fuck up!" She slammed the door.

"I had that thought a few times," Frank said quietly.

Clint nodded. "Yeah, a lot in the labs." He looked at Brock. "We know. She's busy doing science." He looked at Loki, making the hard decision. He'd rather kill Loki but... Then he'd probably have to dig his grave himself. "If you can behave and not give Darcy or anyone of us any shit, there's a couch you can bum. That's as far as you're getting for humanitarian aid due to the storms. You give us one little hint of a problem and I'm sinking you into the bay and you won't be coming back from this death."

Loki stood up. "I would not harm Darcy, Barton. Women like her make your life a living hell if you do. She reminds me much of my mother actually." He grimaced. "Only she's not a witch. I should see if she could take up the practice." He shook his head quickly. "Do we have other chores before the storm hits?"

"We need to put food out for the monkeys in the basement and other safe areas."

"I can do that," Frank said, going to get it from the fridge. Darcy always had things prepared for the monkeys. She kept it in a large lidded tub in the bottom of the fridge. He got into the security system and put up shields too. "I put up the diversion shield so it'll ease it some." He put food down in the basement area then went to the other places the monkeys liked to hide.

"None for the parrot?" Brock asked. Clint looked then got it a few things to nibble. The monkeys liked it enough to share some fruit. Darcy came out with a small bag for it to peck out of, giving it something to work at. The parrot was happy with that and she went to add more food to the monkey safe areas behind Frank. Who grinned at her. Brock shook his head. "At least she likes animals." The dogs ran out to pee on things then one stayed by Brock and the rest went to find their new human. "Hey, Pepper." He petted him.

"You named your male dog Pepper?" Clint asked.

"He came with the name."

"Oh. Okay. I know he's a good dog." He went to help. Brock could limp himself into a closet later. Loki could have a couch. They'd handle it. Thor landed though and looked unamused. "Hey," Clint told him. "We're about to be hit with a huge storm so you might want to head out for a few days, Thor."

"I heard of that." He patted him on the shoulder. "Lady Darcy?"

"Making sure the monkeys have food with Castle."

"Hmmm. Would those two be suitable?" he asked quietly.

"Frank lost his family last year and there's a nice lady named Karen who helps him sometimes."

"Pity. Darcy could use a good lover. It would ease some of her stress." He looked at Brock, who was getting up with the dog's help. "Are you not one of those who is on the wrong side?" he asked.

Brock grinned. "I wanted to know what that other me knows."

"He's basically a warlord," Clint told him. "I asked Xander about him." Brock rolled his eyes. "But he is more of an evil dick than you are."

"Every universe is different," Brock shot back. "There's probably a few where Romanoff is evil."

"Well, we ended up in one where we were the mob," Clint admitted dryly. "Steve was a mob boss." Rumlow burst out laughing, shaking his head. "Yeah. I'd only worry if there's one where I'm a nun or you're a nun."

"I'd hate to be a nun. Or a priest."

"There's always monks," Thor said smugly. "They often do not speak."

"There's an idea for your future life," Clint agreed. He stared at Rumlow. "One little, bitty problem and I'm sinking you. Clear?"

"Fine. Let me see if I can get back through that portal."

"No, it's sealed," Jane said from inside. "I checked so we could kick you out." She looked. "Loki, there's a couch this way," she said, leading him to it. "It's not uncomfortable. Castle's slept on it a few times." She gave him a pillow and blanket then went back to the kitchen. She checked. "Shit, we're low on groceries. Clint, we're low on food. Especially if Thor's staying."

He came in to look and took the prepaid card the ladies used for that and the list on the fridge. Jane added some things to it and she texted Darcy, who said she'd make a pickup order for him to get. Jane said he had the list and was heading out so Darcy got to work on that while Frank fed the monkeys for a minute.

They came back in with the other four dogs, going to rest for now. The tv and dvd player were in a back room that was probably supposed to be an office. The dogs had their favorite spots already and went in there. Darcy went to the kitchen, texting Clint for a few other things to add, getting back an 'okay' from him.

Brock limped in after using his t-shirt to tie off his thigh. "Pepper's ran into another room looking happy."

"They like to nap in front of the tv," Darcy said, looking at him. "He's named after Pepper Potts?"

"He came with that name."

"Oh. Okay. I named him Blue's Clues. He's always searching out something."

"The other two are Shaggy and Spacemonkey," Jane quipped. "From shows she likes. The pits are Bullwinkle and Boris."

Brock just nodded. "Sure. Did you name the parrot? The dogs adopted it off the beach one day."

"Beaky McBeakerson? I doubt he'd answer to it."

Brock stared at her for a second then nodded. "Sure. Is there a bathroom I can bum for a few minutes to clean up the blood?" Darcy showed him to the guest bathroom by the dining room. Brock leaned on the sink, shaking his head. Lewis was such a *girl*! At least his dogs were in good hands with her.

And that idea his other self had given him...well, that would be nice he guessed. He pulled off his pants to clean up his thigh. The laser had made a clean hole and burned it shut so not a lot of blood. It had missed all the blood carrying spots and the bone. Still hurt like a bitch though. He cleaned it up and sighed, putting back on his pants. Darcy knocked and held in a pair of sweats, which he took. "Can I wash those?"

"Please do. Blood might upset the dogs. Laundry's upstairs."

"Thanks, Lewis." He went to drop his clothes in the washer. Loki had dropped his up there so Darcy came up to sort them out for washing. Frank's shirt needed it. Clint's outfit needed it. Brock looked at her. "Need help?"

"No I'm good at getting spots out. Thanks."

"Not a problem." He checked his pockets just in case, then Loki's pockets, putting the daggers on the dryer. And the small matchbook too. Loki came in frowning. "I checked. Got any hidden pockets?"

"One," he admitted, pulling that out and taking his things with him. "Thank thee, Rumlow." He went back to his couch.

"Thank you for lending the washer, Lewis." Brock went to find a spot to sit. He was trying not to get attention. Foster might chop him up. Or Castle. Castle was already down watching the storm start to roll in with Thor. Brock went to check on his animals. He stared at the parrot. "Get your dumb bird ass somewhere safer," he ordered with a point. "Now!" The bird flew off, going to what looked like a dog house up in a tree.

"Thank you!" He tossed the bag with food up there for it. He looked at the amused looking men. "What? It'll die, Lewis will cry, and none of us want that. Or the dogs will pout. They liked it for some reason." He walked off muttering, trying not to limp. Two monkeys tried to get in. "No, they said you don't get to come in."

Jane came out to get one to hug. "I know it's a big storm, Henrietta. It'll be okay. We'll cuddle." She picked her up to cuddle. "You, Snapey, out!" She pointed. It chattered. She sighed but got it more fruit to put in the main monkey area. "There. Better?" It chattered, petting her with a hopeful look. "Do you need a Darcy cuddle? Darcy, Snapey is here looking for cuddles."

She came down the stairs to pick up the monkey to cuddle. "It's all right. It's just a big storm. There's no more flying dinos. It'll all be okay." Loki caught one sneaking around them and brought it out for Darcy to cuddle. She went to sit on the porch to cuddle them. "There, that's better. You're allowed up here to cuddle, guys." Thor and Frank both looked then shrugged and went back to watching the storm and for Barton to get back.

Darcy had to put the monkeys down to help with the groceries but they followed to help. Clint grinned, handing them a gallon of water to carry together for Darcy. They thumped it a few times but Thor took it from them to get it into the house. Clint had to shoo them back out but Darcy got carried out there and sat down so the monkeys would calm her down again. Then the guys went to put up the food. Darcy looked at the duo. "They're nice guys, huh?"

Thor came out with the ice cream. "This is frozen, correct?"

"Yeah, please. Back of the freezer if you can."

He nodded, taking it to do that. Jane stuffed the freezer for him. "We don't have room for all this," Jane said quietly.

"Leave the chicken down," Darcy called. "And the roast beef thing. I'll make them in the next three days as long as we don't lose power."

"I doubt we will. We're not on shore power," Clint reminded her. "The two things of ice cream, Darcy?"

"Two?" She looked then grinned. "Thanks, Clint. Move the veggies down to the fridge too? So I can feed them? The monkeys eat brussel sprouts sometimes."

"That's good since I don't," Clint quipped. He got it repacked better, so nothing was going to fall out as soon as they opened the freezer door. He turned and found bread but put it into the fridge too. They'd use that for breakfast. Frank smirked a bit but they could handle all this. Darcy came in once the rain started and the monkeys went to hide. Henrietta was still on Jane's shoulder, getting odd looks from the guys.

Darcy came into the kitchen, pulling out things for dinner. She spotted the bread and sighed. "That's the last loaf."

"I got another two and they're up there," Clint said, patting her on the back. "That one wouldn't fit so we'll have it for breakfast."

"Sure." She nodded. "Are you cooking?"

"I definitely can." He gave her a side hug. "Just throwing those in the oven?"

She nodded. "Please. I need the big baking dish." He got it for her and let her load the chicken and vegetables in there to bake together. Then she worked on the sauce for it. She got that done and ready to be used then looked in the oven before going to look in the fridge again.

"Darce, I bought extra ice cream. We can have some of it for dessert," he said quietly, pulling her back and closing the fridge door. "Go rest. I can do this. Jane can do this if she doesn't start to work on something. Even Thor can do this."

"Hey!" Jane complained. "I can cook sometimes."

"Let's go look at your ideas for that possible etsy shop?"

"I gave it up as a pipe dream," she admitted, looking at him. "A lot of work, no telling if they'll sell. We'd have to go to the mainland to ship things." She sighed. "We'll figure out what I'm doing when I'm not helping Jane."

"I told her to start taking pictures again," Jane said dryly. "She said it's too dangerous."

"We can make sure none of the pictures have a location tag," Clint said. "We can make it more safe for you if you want to go back to that." He walked her off to the office area so she could show him her instagram account. Which turned out to be Jane's office. "Where did yours go?" She pointed in the corner. He looked at her. "This was supposed to be your office and Jane's was in her lab," he said patiently. "You're too nice to Jane."

"I may be but she's doing important things." He led her to the other office area. She had some knitting in there. She settled in to work on something while he sat with her. The dogs came in to cuddle too. She cuddled them instead of knitting. Frank walked past the door and nodded but went back to watch over their guests.

Brock smelled something and sniffed. "That's blood." He went to search it out. "Borrower, heel." The dog came jogging out to him. "Find the blood!" The dog sniffed around until it found a doorway to the basement. He checked. "Locked. Do we have a key for this?" he called.

Clint came to look, shaking his head. "I've never noticed that door. Does it to go the basement?" He sniffed. "Blood. Huh." He went to find that other key, coming back with it. "Here, this is the one for your door."

Brock fiddled with it then ended up picking the lock. They nearly walked into a portal to the ancient world. Brock and Clint both stepped back slowly. "Thor?" Brock called. "Is this your people?"

He came over to look then sighed. "No, it's not. I believe that's Ancient Rome." He sniffed. "What is that blood?"

"Borrower found this as the source," Brock said quietly, petting the dog. "Find the blood, Borrower. Find the scent." It sniffed a few more times and went to the basement stairs. Clint relocked that door and followed. Brock opened the door and winced. "Something's dead."

They went to look, finding one of the flying menaces had gotten in there and had ripped apart one of the older monkey females but had been ripped apart by the rest of the troop. Clint took it out back to burn the pterodactyl. The monkey got buried by the garden. Darcy came in to see what was going on and sighed at the monkey but she helped bury it.

Jane shook her head, checking on dinner. She had no idea how one did that sort of thing.

***

Jane was trying to sleep while Henrietta played in the tub. Darcy put up with her monkey friend most of the time so it was all right. She flipped onto her back, listening to what was going on toward the living room. Thor wasn't being loud but quiet for Thor was loud for most people. She sighed, getting up to go stop the nagging of Loki. She didn't really realize the nightgown she was wearing was a bit thin. She padded out, going to stare at them. "Thor, it's late," she said quietly, staring at him.

He blinked at her then blushed hard. "Jane, you are mostly undressed."

She hit him on the arm. "Stop it." He ducked his head. She huffed. "Darcy needs sleep, Thor. You're a bit loud. Nag Loki tomorrow. We have three days of nasty storms and we'll be stuck inside. So nag him tomorrow."

"Fine. I'll go sleep in front of the tv."

"That's fine. Have a good rest." She looked at Loki, who was lounging. "Let me go back to Henrietta. I've got her potty trained finally." She went back to her bed.

Thor shook his head. "Jane is not peeved but she is fairly tired." He walked off.

Loki laid there, staring at the ceiling, considering things. He could be quite annoying by masturbating. As he did most every single night. He could say Jane's name and send Thor into quiet fits, which would be nice to watch.

Castle came to the doorway. "Don't keep us up," he ordered quietly. "I have no idea why you're hard right now, unless Thor nagging does it for you, but the rest of us need to sleep."

"I bring myself off each night," he said dryly. "Don't you?"

"No, I only do it when I'm in the mood. Most guys do. If you schedule yours, have fun with that."

Loki rolled his eyes.

"Sometimes you schedule some stress relief," Darcy said from the stairs. "I had to schedule mine so I wasn't waking up anyone." She went back upstairs. "Go for it, Loki. We won't laugh about it. Just don't call my name."

"You're beautiful but you remind me of my mother," he shot back. "It would not happen."

Darcy burst out giggling. "Thanks, dude. I like that compliment." She went back to her bed with three of the dogs. One was on Brock, one was on Frank's bed.

Loki looked up then shook his head with a sigh. Darcy was pretty. Quite pretty actually. But she really did remind him of his mother. He wouldn't be the sort to have that sort of fondness for his own mother. Thor was moaning on his couch so that was nice at least.

***

Upstairs, Darcy considered her own neediness but she wasn't going to get that sort of attention. Or give false hope or whatever the guys might think it was. She didn't want the guys to hear her having pleasure. They were like her brothers. Or at least Clint was and probably Frank too. She didn't want attention from the other two either.

So yeah, she'd put that off until she was in the tub at some later time. Speaking of she heard splashing and went to look, scaring the woman in there to death. "Hi, I'm Darcy, that portal leads to my house. I came to see if you're one of the slayers that usually uses it. Are you okay?"

The woman blinked at her. "I .... Huh?"

"The two realms are joined thinly here," Darcy said. "On this side is my house and my bathroom. I don't mind if the girls use it though. Sometimes you gotta soak." She shrugged but grinned. "Need help? The lavender things smell nice and I got it for the slayers to use." She pointed.

"I have mint stuff," she said holding up the bottle.

"Okay, cool. If you have a problem, just yell. I'll make sure the doors close and keep the dogs out." She did that.

The girl blinked a few times but went back to soaking cautiously. She heard the dogs sniffing the door a few times but that was what dogs did. She heard someone walking in the hallway and slid out of the tub, pulling on her robe to go check. Darcy was sleeping, you could hear her snore. She spotted the guy in the doorway, staring at him. "Nosy ass," she said quietly. "Shoo!" He left. She went back to her tub, shooing the dogs away from it. "Thanks, Puppies." They went back to Darcy and she made sure nothing else happened. When Darcy came in to use the bathroom she waved a hand. "There was a snoopy guy I made go away," she said quietly.

"Scarred?" Darcy asked, pausing on her way to the water closet.

"No. Not many."

"Huh. Frank must be doing security rounds. I'll talk to him in the morning." She considered it. "And close the door when I'm done." She went to use the bathroom then washed her hands and closed her bedroom door and the bathroom doors. The dogs curled up around her again so that was nice. She'd talk to Frank in the morning.

***

Darcy came in the next morning, looking at the people sipping coffee. "Who was in the hall last night?"

"You were cutely snoring and sucking on the dog's ear," Frank said. "Sorry, Darcy."

She sighed but nodded. "I'll remember to close the door, Frank. You freaked out one of the slayers using my tub."

"I saw. She's an older one."

Xander strolled in. "That was Buffy. She was feeling miserable due to the heat we have." He kissed Darcy on the cheek with a grin. "Cute kitty jammies, Darcy."

She swatted him with a scowl. "I'm fully covered."

"You are," he agreed with a grin. "By cute things. I need to make the girls get cute jammies for movie nights." He looked outside. "Wow, we didn't get this. We've got dry heat today." He pouted at her. "Send some of the rain our way?"

"If I could. We've got three days of huge rains."

He grimaced. "That's gonna suck."

"Do you know anything about the other portal?" Clint asked with a point.

Xander went to look then came back. "A world where Rome didn't die." He got a bit of water to drink and sighed. "They'll stay there. That one's not open that I can tell." That got a nod from everyone. "Just keep the door locked. I didn't sense any magic over there. It's usually drawn to come test me if there is."

Darcy patted him on the arm. "That's good to know. Thank you, Xander." She went to look at the coffee pot. It was full for once. She grinned, pouring herself a cup and getting some of the french toast. "Thank you, guys."

"Welcome," Clint and Frank said.

"It was our turn to cook anyway," Clint added with a grin. Darcy smiled back, coming over to sit down. Xander sat with them. "Anything going on over there?"

"I'm avoiding being nagged," he said with a smirk. "Because Buffy loves to nag that I'm not a slayer even though I handle the same things she does."

"Know that feeling," Clint agreed. Loki walked in. "I made french toast."

"Thank you, Barton." He settled in to eat quietly. He looked at Darcy's outfit. "It's not as fetching as Jane's was when she came to nag Thor, but those make you look adorable."

She stared at him. "If you're flirting, be more clear. If you're not flirting, thanks. I feel like a young teenage girl."

Loki shrugged. "Youth and exuberance for life are not exclusively mated. Such joy for life is a rare gift to keep at your age." He stared at her. "And if they make you feel embarrassed for being happy, use your lightening box."

"I would if it wasn't upstairs." She dug in again.

Xander hugged her. "I didn't mean to embarrass you."

She grinned at him. "I know." She dug in again. "Clint, are you sure we can do that with the photo things?"

"Yeah. It's not hard. I checked your insta too. It's blocked for location too. I'll check your phone before you take anything." He grinned. "How many are you doing?"

"Probably three outfits." She shrugged. "I'm not really in shape though."

"You can do some working out," Frank said. "We wouldn't watch, Lewis."

She hit him on the arm. "I know that. That takes more than a day."

"And extra water to make sure she doesn't bloat," Jane agreed with a nod. Henrietta chattered quietly against her shoulder so she patted her on the back. "Good girl. We'll go potty in a minute then we'll go run to the lab."

Darcy looked at her. "You're potty training her?"

"It saves the floors!"

"I guess but weird."

"You can potty train small dogs and most cats if you work at it. Of course a monkey's smarter."

Loki looked at her then stuffed his mouth. Thor was coming in, he could handle his former girlfriend's weird ideas. Thor smiled. "Morning, Jane and Henrietta." He kissed her on the cheek and petted the monkey's head. "It's a good morning for you both?"

"Mostly," Jane agreed. "Henrietta used the tub instead of the toilet but that was pretty close." Thor nodded, getting his own breakfast to come back and sit down. She looked around. "Rumlow's sleeping in?"

"He was up at four," Clint said. "He woke me up by grunting while binding his leg so he could do pushups. He's a gym before breakfast guy." The other guys just nodded at that.

"At least you don't have to watch him wax," Xander quipped. "Did that a few times." He sipped his water.

Brock walked in shaking his head. "I don't wax. I'm not that furry."

"The other you did. And it was weird to watch." Xander looked at Darcy. "You're taking 'look, I'm still okay' photos?"

"I used to model. I'm using my original identity to throw them off this life."

"Oh." He nodded. "I think you're still pretty." She grinned at him. "I do. If we were on the same realm you'd tell me to leave you alone."

She patted him on the hand. "You can't be that bad of a stalker, Xander." She nudged his shoulder with hers. "We'll figure it out." He nodded. "Is Buffy nagging?"

"Not yet. She's still in bed. They work night shift so they never get up before noon unless there's a huge mall sale. So basically black Friday." He finished his water.

"There's coffee and Clint made french toast," Darcy said.

Brock nodded, getting some coffee to drink black. "Thanks. I made hard boiled eggs earlier though."

Clint frowned. "It's just french toast."

"It's a lot of carbs," he shot back.

"You're damn weird. No wonder HYDRA wanted you."

Brock glared. "Not why they wanted me."

"If there's a fight I'm going to stab someone," Jane warned. "A lot." They settled down again. "Thank you, I didn't want to train Henrietta how to stab people." She looked around. "Darcy, where's the dogs?"

She pointed. "They ran around the house and they're out of the rain but one's still pooping. They get twenty minutes outside at a time so they can run around to get energy out." She finished her breakfast. "Let me go shower and stuff. I'll let you have my phone in a few, Clint."

"Sure." He watched the dogs run around to play in the rain. "Old towels?"

"My bathroom." He went to get them and the dogs came in to get dried off. Even Jane helped. Then the dogs ran to go stare outside at the heavy rains going on. All the monkeys were hiding and the parrot was still in the treehouse so it was a boring day for them until someone wanted to play.

Darcy went up to take a shower and fix her hair for the first time in months. It felt good to put on eyeliner again. To actually do her hair up pretty. To put on the pretty bra that made her stand up just *so*. Clint knocked and leaned in. "It's on the dresser." She put on her lipstick, staring at him when he took a picture in the mirror. "Hey! I'm not ready!"

"You look sexy as fuck, Darce. It's less skimpy than some bathing suits too." He moved closer, helping by putting her necklace on her. "There. Let me get one more?" She blushed but nodded, tipping her head to the side. "No, relax. Go back to your lipstick." She did but looked back at him. She was smiling because he hadn't shot yet when he got her picture. She blushed. He showed her, making her sigh. "You look sexy."

"My chin's got a double. I need to tip my head up."

He kissed her on the temple. "No you don't. Quit complaining and put on the black dress?" She sighed but got up to put that on. She arranged herself and did her selfie. Clint stared, coming over to shift her stance. "Quit being so picky."

"That's how they had me stand. I'm a bit thick in too many places."

"Thicc is in, Darce. You have a booty and bust."

"And a belly and sides."

He stared at her. "Not really." He took one of her standing there without her heels then one with her heels as she moved around to her closet. He showed her and she moaned. "Yeah. Still very pretty." He grinned. "Natasha would like that."

"She's not into girls."

"Are you?" he asked.

"No."

"Yet you can both find people of your own sex sexy."

"True." She sighed. "Fine, send the second one to her if you want."

"Thanks." He grinned and sent it to himself so he could send it on. She changed and he got her into a waist cincher she had. "You need a bra that matches that."

"Sorry. Not an available option." She looked over her shoulder and Clint took a picture of that too. "Clint!"

"What? You look hot." He grinned. "I've had a few assignments doing photography with Natasha being a model." He smirked. "Change again." He turned around to give her privacy. She sighed but did slide the other dress down over top of the foundation garments. He turned back at her cough, helping her into a better necklace for that outfit. He stared at her. "That looks uncomfortable and the waist thing shows."

She sighed. "I look lumpy without it."

"Uh-huh. You've lost twenty pounds since you got here because you're not snacking and the monkeys take all your food. Take it off, Darce. Let's see without it." She went into the bathroom to take that off and came back out. "That's what it is. Your breasts sit too low." She looked and moved to tighten her bra straps so they sat higher. Clint moved up behind her. "Wear that blue dress you wore when you came to the tower?" he asked quietly.

She looked up at him. "I was wearing green." He pulled out the dress and she blushed. "I hate that dress. I look sweaty."

He looked at her. "Pick out something that says classy but sexy then." He turned back around while she checked the closet then picked out the one she wanted. She cleared her throat so he could turn around. Now she was in a pair of skinny jeans and a t-shirt that looked more like a poet shirt but had short sleeves. It highlighted her breasts and you could barely see through it.

The bra was a light blue so you barely had a hint of it. Clint grinned, taking multiple pictures of that, including her stepping into her heels. He let her see and she picked out three to upload. He picked a fourth and she looked then sighed and uploaded his choice. "That's nice." He kissed her on the head. "You never did lingerie shoots, did you?"

"No. I was fifteen when I had to go into hiding. They tried but I came out complaining I looked like a prostitute. My agent was horrified but agreed I was too young. Then again, my agent and his girlfriend of the day used to have sex during meetings." She sighed. "He switched between four of them."

He rubbed her arm. "They were bad people, Darcy. You did the right thing helping bring them down. You saved a lot of young women from being horrifically abused. You were the strongest girl then. And you still are because you make Thor back down." She grinned at that. "Let's go downstairs."

"Let me put on sneakers." She got up to change shoes then followed him down the stairs. Jane stared at her oddly. "I did a few new pictures once Clint made sure there wasn't a location tag."

"That's good," Jane agreed with a nod. "But you look...overdressed." She yawned.

"She's fine," Frank said. "It's a pretty shirt and makes her look hot." He looked her over. "Way too damn hot actually." She blushed, going to make more coffee. "How did the pictures turn out?" Clint showed him at Darcy's shrug. "Damn." He showed Xander the one from the mirror.

"Super damn. I need to see if Darcy's in my realm." He pouted. "I hope she likes cuddles."

"I do like cuddles," Darcy quipped with a grin. "If I'm there, go hit on me and tell me about this." She winked and he grinned, going to look her up. She came back with her coffee mug. Jane was asleep on the table with Henrietta being cuddled. "Aww," she said quietly. She looked at Frank, who was staring at the pictures. "He did good catching my good side."

Frank looked at her. "Honey, if I wasn't in this stage of life I'd probably try to have you on this table." She blushed bright red. He handed the phone back to Clint. "You don't have a bad side. You're all pretty all over."

She ducked her head. "Thanks, Frank."

"Welcome." He looked her over. "I'd need vitamins to work you over." He sighed and sipped his coffee. "I'm too damn old."

Clint grinned at Darcy, strolling off to let Frank realize he wanted to flirt.

Darcy looked at him. "Are you flirting for real?"

He grinned. "I can if you want."

"Would Karen mind?"

"Probably." He moved some of her hair off her neck. "Damn I'm an unlucky man."

She punched him on the arm. "No you're not."

"Yes I am." He grinned. "Because I'm a good boy and I don't want to make Karen mad."

She rolled her eyes. "I doubt she would be, Frank. She knows where your heart is."

He tipped his head. "I'm not thinking with my heart, Lewis." She got up to get more coffee and walked off blushing hotly. "Yeah, that's a good side too," he sighed, staring at her ass.

She ran into Brock coming out of the bathroom and ducked around him.

He stared at her. "You get all dressed up for us?"

"I put up a few more pictures."

"Oh." He nodded. "You look nice." She stared at him. "You do."

She swallowed. "Thanks, Rumlow." She went up to change but Clint walked her off. "Clint, I need to change."

"No, you don't. Frank's heavy handed. It's been a long time since he had to give compliments." He looked at her then over her then back at her face. "You're fully covered, tastefully covered, and you'd look just as sexy in another set of cutesy jammies. I'll make him quit remarking on it though if you want."

She relaxed her shoulders. "I should still change to something less...pretty."

"Darce, no matter what you put on, you're pretty." He patted her on the cheek. "But go change if you want." She nodded, going to do that. He went to talk to Frank. "Did the smarm disease hit you?"

"Yeah, I think so. I'll apologize."

"She's changing." Frank sighed. "She probably couldn't roughhouse with the dogs in that shirt anyway." Clint sat across from him. "What was last night?"

"I really was watching her suck on the dog's ear." He shrugged but sipped the bottom of his cup of coffee, getting up to get more. "I wasn't going to wake her or perv or anything. She looked like an innocent teenager."

Clint nodded. "She can do that a lot." He sipped his own coffee when Rumlow came back in. "Where did Thor go?"

"He's out talking to the parrot on the porch." He got more coffee and sat down at the table with them. "Is she okay?"

"Yeah, I flirted a bit too hard and she's not used to it anymore," Frank said quietly.

"Or like ever," Clint said. "Before it was about the job and she was surrounded by assholes with ideas about her body. After that I think she hid in all those big sweaters and ugly hats and scarves so no one would notice she was hot."

"It was more camouflage to make sure they didn't realize I was me," Darcy said as she came back in. "It's something I learned in college." She sat down with her new coffee. "I'm not mad. At all. At anyone. Just...don't flirt just to be flirting, guys. I'm not the girl that really does any of that. I like straightforward guys."

"Was your intern in England one?" Brock asked with a grin.

"I kissed him first, not the other way around."

"Oh."

"But it was during the battle so...." She shrugged. "We broke up not too long after that. I'm not into following two scientists around."

"I get that," Frank agreed. "You're busy with Jane's stuff."

"Yeah, exactly." She looked at the sleeping astrophysicist then at Clint. "I'm ignoring all the bad comments on the pictures already."

He looked since he still had her phone. "A few 'you're fat' ones but otherwise some saying you never lost your old touch." She blushed, ducking her head to drink some of her coffee. "One from a Lamar..." She took it to look at then blocked him. "One of them?"

"One's assistant. I doubt he's good." She handed the phone back. "So I don't have to see those. I tried that at first and decided I was turning vain and shallow." She looked at Frank, who shook his head. "I'm not the same girl I was at fourteen. I'm really not. All that changed me then following Hurricane Jane did it more." Loki walked in and looked in the refrigerator. "Clint made breakfast but I think we all inhaled it."

"Thor was wanting food for the monkeys he's charming."

"Bottom drawer, big container." Loki found it and walked out to hand it to Thor, who fed his new friends. "If he uses it all he has to cut more," she called.

"I shall not," Thor promised.

"Thank you." She looked at Loki. "Did you get breakfast?"

"I don't really eat that meal but I had a tiny bit to tide me over," he admitted. "I'll go pick some fruit for brunch and perhaps borrow an english muffin or two?"

"Go ahead. They're in the freezer at the moment." He nodded, pulling down two to defrost and going to pick some fruit. A monkey got mad at him but he stared until he ran away. Darcy had seen it and shook her head with a sigh. Jane snorted and woke herself up. "Go back to bed, Jane. We're not doing anything."

"I was going to help watch the two idiots." Brock smirked at her while sipping his coffee. "That way Darcy doesn't have to stab you or taze you."

"She can try if she wants," Brock quipped. Castle growled so he stared at him. "I didn't know she had six dogs." Castle tried to grab him but he moved and hit back at him.

Darcy zapped Brock with her tazer, making him yelp. "Next time's twice as long." She glared. "Do not destroy my house acting like little kids on a sugar high. That's my job."

"Sorry," Brock said, walking off. "I'll go find a book to read."

"Loki's in the library on that couch," Barton said as he walked past him. He checked that shower portal and it was fully down. That just left that one by the basement door. He listened at it. There was apparently a battle.

Xander came back to listen, frowning. "Huh. Well, if I had the mystical sword collection I could send one over but that might be dangerous." He walked off frowning. Darcy was cuddling the dogs in the tv room. All of them were settled around and on her. Brock's dog, Pepper, was behind her on the back of the couch with his head on hers. So that was good. He'd go help by cuddling her but she looked like she wanted to be alone so he left her alone.

Brock walked past the door of the tv room and backtracked to take a picture of them, grinning when she scowled. "That's really cute." He let her see it. "How're you going to replace the knitted hats and scarves you used to wear?"

"Fifties era scarf use. Big sunglasses." She grinned. "Not too old fashioned if I'm wearing closer to fifties clothes."

"That could work. You can rock that look pretty well. But casual running out?"

"Still the sunglasses, hair pulled back. I can clearly not look like anyone but a brunette girl. They focus on the face, not the body."

"You've seen the one that was a bikini picture?"

"Yeah, I remember doing that one actually. I complained the photographer offered me a bump of coke and wanted me to pose like I was in Penthouse, which I'd only snuck and seen but had no idea how raunchy it was. His boyfriend was watching the shoot staring at me like I was KFC chicken. My agent was off in the corner with his shortest of his daily girlfriends making her squeal that she didn't really want it there but okay."

She grimaced. "And I still looked sucky in that style of bikini. No support up top, the bottom wasn't fitted right so it was gaping on the sides." She shook her head. "I have better looking ones now. And I can rock them like no other slightly heavy but pretty girl can." She grinned. "Since plus size in modeling is a size six...."

"Six?" he demanded.

"Yup." She changed which dog she was petting, reaching back to pet Pepper. The dog licked her hair and went back to his rest. "Is anything going on?"

"Foster's still in bed. Barton's wandering around. Castle's wandering around. Loki's nibbling his brunch at the table. I was going for a book."

She nodded. "I'll go sit on the porch and let the dogs play in a bit then. You guys can throw balls." Pepper's head came up and he woofed quietly. "Ask your other human," she said with a grin, tipping her head back.

"Sure, find me the ball, Pepper." He got out of the way of the dog, which came back to him with a ball. He took him into the backyard to play. The rain had slowed down some. Barton came out with the other dogs and their balls, making them all happy dogs. Pepper was happy playing with him and just him. Clint was playing with them and a few monkeys who apparently liked to play fetch too.

Brock looked at his dog, who was staring at him. He teased him and threw the ball, making Pepper a happy boy again. He came back happy and his tail was wagging hard. "I know, you need more play time, Pepper." He petted him then threw the ball again. The rain was starting to pick up. Most of the dogs ran back inside because they hated to get wet but Pepper was loving the ball time with him and he was staying dry so he'd play with him until he wanted to go in.

Clint paused beside him, staring at the dog then at Brock. "If you manage to get off the island and take the dog with you, we'll bring him back to Darcy when we get you." He walked inside. "C'mon, guys. Let's dry off then go pounce the mommy!" The dogs were happy with that since Darcy had dog treats too.

Brock looked at Pepper, who barked. He threw the ball and sighed. Pepper was more than happy to bring him a rope instead. He came out to play tug of war. The dog was a happy dog. "Isn't your female playing with you?" he teased with a grin. "You act like you never get to play, Pepper." He tugged and the dog barked, tugging back. "Sure, we'll both get wet."

***

Frank watched Brock and his dog play, then looked at Barton. "Do we look like that with our dogs?"

"Yeah, probably." He got more coffee and started another pot, walking off sipping it. He spotted Darcy thinking and went to sit beside her, curling up with the dogs shifting to make room for him. He petted them, his cup on his thigh for now. She put the cup on the table, giving him a dirty look. "It wasn't going to spill."

"I remember the last time you said that."

"Point." He shoulder nudged her. "I know you're bored."

"I am missing some of the clubbing and movies, the going out now and then, but I've been too poor for that in the past." She leaned against his shoulder. "How much longer on the storm? It's making me feel creepy."

"Probably another two days plus however long it takes to settle down so we can use the boat." She nodded. "Tired of us?"

"No. Trying to figure a few things out. Like how in the hell am I supposed to date when I'm out here."

"That could be a problem," he agreed. "Unless you date someone who knows."

"Yeah but most of the ones I know are taken."

"Point." He grinned, kissing her on the cheek. "We can let you video date."

"Yeah, that might work. I went on okcupid the other day to look around and that was depressing."

"It is. A lot of it is desperation." He gave her a hug. "We'll figure it out. Maybe you can come back soon if we can end all those idiots. Then come down here now and then."

"Then who'd feed the monkeys?"

"They foraged for years, Darcy."

"They can't now."

"You have the garden. You can come down each year to plant more if you need to." She shrugged, which moved a dog. She cooed and petted him so he laid back down. "I have no idea. We'll figure things out soon enough." She nodded. He let her cuddle. It was a good day for a cuddle. He saw Frank walk past the door and mentally decided he had to talk to him about his light stalking. Frank had Karen waiting on him, which was probably not something he wanted to think about.

Clint had a family hidden from SHIELD. That really only left Loki or Rumlow to cuddle if she wanted that. Which was a gross thought. Loki didn't deserve to sleep with the dogs, much less a good human like Darcy. Rumlow was a bad choice since he was an evil fuck with control issues. Yeah, she was kinda stuck with a vibrator if she got needy. Or Foster and he doubted Foster was into girl sex.

She looked at him. "Why are you nuzzling?"

"You're comfy." He grinned at her. "I think you'd do great cuddling a tiny little human some year."

She pushed his head off. "Not into that until well after marriage and after I get a real job."

He grinned. "That's fine. You're still cuddly." He pulled her back and snuggled in again. She didn't do more than roll her eyes so she didn't mind. Darcy needed more human contact daily. She was the sort that hugged and bounced into people, but now she just had Foster, the dogs, and the monkeys.

"You're thinking too loud," she joked.

"You need more cuddly time. It's wearing you out."

She nodded. "But it's not safe. I didn't think I'd be this way when I turned them in. I thought I was just saving myself and the other models I ran into. The older ones gave me pitying looks all the time. I don't know if they knew and didn't say anything or what."

"You had a lot of enthusiasm for life, even that life. By the time they make it a few years, most of them have lost it. The same as agents lose that idealistic 'doing good for the world' thing most had when they came in." She nodded. "But now you're a great adult, realistic and not shallow." She poked him on the arm. "You are."

"I know. But it sucks that I'm going to be down to Jane and only Jane again soon. And maybe sometimes Xander visiting."

He sat up to look at her. "We'll still visit, Darcy."

"You need those days to go home. They need you more, not you being down here."

He stared at her. "I about offered to put a trailer on the back twenty of the farm for you two." She sighed but nodded. He cuddled her again. "We'll figure out how to get you more people contact, Darcy. It sucks that you're a hugger and can't get as many now."

Frank leaned in. "Problems?"

"She's lacking human contact," Clint said. "And dating times."

Frank nodded. "That would suck. We can maybe clear a few places as being safer. Find her a disguise." He leaned on the doorframe, staring at them. "We'll figure out a way to not make you some lady in a creepy novel wandering around in some heavy ancient dress."

"That'd be nice," Darcy agreed. "Jane suggested I should have a kid."

Both guys shook their heads. "No, that would drive her nuts and you," Frank said. "Colic would kill you both." He came in to sit down, letting the dogs lounge on him. He petted them. "Dog would be really jealous," he teased with a smirk. "But you're all good boys. He'd love to come play with you."

"Next time bring him with you," Darcy said. "The same as Clint can bring Lucky."

"Thanks. Lucky would probably love the playing in the woods time." They shared a look then got back to cuddling Darcy so she relaxed.

Jane walked past the doorway thinking about things. Darcy looked good surrounded by tough guys with big muscles. She glanced at Brock's muscles when she ran into him but went to the office to get something done. Henrietta was back outside to get some playtime in. Or possibly to go break into the lab and rip things up.

Her phone showed her doing that so she went to yell at her. "Henrietta, I'm not in there," she called. "Go play. Lab time tomorrow." The monkey ran off to climb a tree. She went back to the office to get something done. Thor came in to sit with her and talk to her. They had done that a lot in the labs before.

Loki was reading on his couch, shaking his head. Thor wasn't being flirty but it seemed like he wanted Jane to just fall into his lap like old times. Which would suck for her. Thor had no style in bed. Someone really had to save that poor woman from Thor's grunt and thrust style and show her how real men did it. Perhaps that Rumlow guy? He wasn't drawn to Darcy. Or at least he wasn't in there cuddling with her like the other two.

***

Darcy was woken up by a loud crack of thunder and the dogs running to hide. "Hey, you can hide in here," she called. "It's okay, boys. C'mon. It's just a loud noise." She got up to find them and soothe them. Frank had two in with him and Clint had the others outside Pepper. Pepper was back with Brock, trying to hide underneath him. "C'mon, boys. Let's go cuddle. We'll hide from the storm. We'll make a blanket fort."

She smiled, leading them back to the bedroom to start a blanket fort against the side of the bed. Tucking blankets under the edge of the mattress and around the edges of the bed to hold it up. An old tripod for her camera holding up the left edge and the right tied to her desk chair to hold it up. Frank and Clint brought in more pillows to add to their blankets. She got them settled and the dogs inside, then put down the flap.

Brock brought Pepper in and let him into the blanket fort. "There, you cuddle her. She'll keep the loud noises from you." He let Frank move around him to turn on the radio quietly. The dogs got calmed down by Darcy cuddling and the guys being on the bed to wait with them in case the storm made them flee again. Another big crack of thunder, and Thor went out to try to calm it down some, they heard him stomping out muttering.

They heard Loki go out to yell at him too. "Thor, if you end the storm it'll cause flooding!" Loki yelled. "You know that! Just ease the lightening so the thunder calms down!"

"Fine," Thor complained.

Jane came out to look up. "If it doesn't move on, it'll stall on the coast and it'll flood a lot of farms," she told Thor. Who nodded and sighed but did calm it down some but not enough to end it. "Thank you. The dogs are hiding. They panicked at the loud noises."

"That's fine. Many would be scared of that noise." Thor came up to grin at her. "It's eased so they should rest easier. You as well. I know you do not like thunder."

She shrugged. "I got used to it with you around." He grinned. "I'm going back to bed. Henrietta's hiding in my shower." She went back to check on her monkey pet and they went to cuddle. Though Henrietta still fled and tried to get out when the next hit of thunder went off. Jane let her outside so she fled to the money enclosure. "That's fine." She flinched at the new bit of thunder. "Damn it," she muttered.

Loki gave Thor a pointed look then glanced at Jane and back at Thor. Thor went to soothe his ex-girlfriend. "Jane," he said quietly, touching her arm and making her flinch. "Come, I will rest near you so you do not wake up from the noise either." She nodded, letting him lead her back to her bed. It was a nice sized bed. He fit well. She snuggled in like she used to. And still the storm upset her. "Want me to get Loki to work a sleep spell?"

"I'll have nightmares," she said quietly. "But thanks."

"Welcome." He cuddled her better, letting her hide her head between the pillow and his neck. That left her ears covered. Loki came in with a glass of something. "She said a sleep spell would trap her."

"It would. This is just a tonic to relieve the stress." Jane looked at him but sat up to drink the tea and herbs. "Sip it slower, Jane. Too fast and it could give you gas."

"She belches in her sleep anyway," Thor teased.

Jane poked him hard on the chest before handing Loki the glass back. "Thank you, Loki."

"It's no problem. I can teach Darcy how to make it in the morning." He went back to his couch, wincing at the lightening that went off nearby. "Oh, dear." He looked around. "Boys, there's a fire," he called. Clint, Frank, and Brock ran down the stairs to handle that. Darcy followed with Thor and Jane following them. "Jane, go lay down," he ordered. "Before you fall over. The nerve tonic will do that to one." She huffed but got a few buckets to help them put out the fire.

Darcy ran in to get the fire extinguisher and came back to put out the tree. She leaned back, staring at the mess. "Boys, in the house," she ordered. The dogs ran back inside. "Thank you. You too, Pepper." He ran inside after barking at Brock.

Brock shook his head. "I never paid them much attention. He's stalking me." Darcy burst out in giggles but they sounded like hysterical ones. He looked at Frank and Clint, who both winced. "Shit, you're both taken," he realized. He pulled her closer to cuddle. "Shh, princess. It's all right. We got it fixed and it'll be fine. None of the animals got hurt. You're all okay." She started to cry so he held her awkwardly but they let him.

"Shh. Let's get you back into the blanket fort with the dogs." He picked her up to carry her upstairs again. He tucked her into the pillows, letting the dogs cover her again. "Boys, protect her. She's upset." He tucked a spare blanket around her and let them handle it. Dogs were good when you were sad. Pepper was whining at Darcy so she petted him, cuddling him like a teddybear. The others got petted and soothed again. Brock came out shaking his head. "The dogs are good for her."

Jane nodded. "They are and they give her more to do than to fuss over me and the monkeys."

Frank nodded. "Thanks. Neither of us know how to handle crying women."

"Yeah, my wife would never cry in front of anyone, even me," Clint said.

Frank nodded. "Mine said she never cried. Even when I was deployed." He slumped, looking at the former tree. "That's going to need to come down for safety reasons."

"We have an axe in the storage area," Clint said. "I can do that tomorrow." He looked at Rumlow. "Go guard her and the dogs?"

"Fine. I can do that instead."

"You're not that great at many things," Frank sneered.

"I was a SEAL, Castle. I've been through more SERE than you have and lived that way for a while too." He shot him a look. Then looked at Clint. "You're now a farm boy."

Clint nodded. "I am. I nearly offered part of the back twenty of the farm to her but the kids would never leave them alone. It'd piss off Foster."

Brock nodded. "I think plenty of things do," he said quietly. "Does anyone else worry about Darcy needing an abuse shelter?" he asked. Frank nodded. Clint snickered but raised a hand slightly. "I don't remember her being like that in New Mexico."

"No, something happened around the battle in London," Clint said. "Not sure what."

"Can we fix it?" Frank asked. "Darcy would probably be happier if we could give her the old Jane back. I don't think that's the battle."

"No, it wasn't post battle trauma," Clint agreed. Loki strolled out. "Do you know what happened? I know the reports said she went to Asgard right before the battle."

"Exposure to an infinity stone."

Clint stared. "Like your staff?"

"A different one but it's apparently left taint." He looked inside then at them. "As for the taint, there's a possible way, but she'd probably fuss."

"Get Darcy to nag her into it," Frank said.

Loki nodded. "That was my thought on it as well." He went inside to talk to Thor. Jane was asleep, barely snoring. "Thor, even others have noticed that she had a radical personality change," he said quietly.

"The aether."

"Probably. Or a brain tumor."

"They took it from her."

"Things like that leave a taint, Thor. The same as anyone who looks could tell I've handled two of them, they can tell that she touched one."

"Can we take it from her?"

"Yes. It'll take a detoxing ritual." Thor nodded slowly. "Which we can do here. It'll take most of the next two days though and may make her react...oddly. You'll talk to her in the morning?"

"Yes, I can do thus. Thank you for figuring that out, Loki."

"They said she's not the same as she used to be." He gave Thor a pointed look then left.

Thor laid there and thought. Jane was different, though it wouldn't have mattered to their relationship. They did have to solve that since his people had started that problem. He would've thought the healers would have fixed it but Odin had stopped her treatments too soon he guessed.

***

Brock watched as Jane stomped past him in the kitchen, checking to make sure the coffee pot was started. Between her and Barton they basically kept a coffee company in business. Darcy came in and nodded with a grunt. "You okay?" he asked.

She nodded. "Thanks. I don't know what that was."

"That was being overloaded, princess. Everything got too high around you." She patted him on the arm, getting some coffee before looking around. "She stomped past a minute ago."

"Great," she sighed. "What now?" She looked in the pan. "You cook?"

"I do cook," he said dryly, smirking at her. "Omelette?"

"Please. That sounds nice. Cheese?"

"I can add cheese to yours. Mushrooms and peppers?"

"Green?"

"Yeah, you have some." She grinned, going to sit down and sip her coffee until he finished her breakfast.

Jane came back, staring at Darcy. "The aether left stuff."

Darcy nodded. "I figured it did, Jane. Anything that powerful would." Jane pouted. "Xander noted he felt something like magic around you and asked if you did magic."

She slumped into a seat, staring at her. "Thor said Loki can do something to weed it out."

"Okay, so what does that take?" She sipped her coffee. "Will we need special things? It's too choppy to go out today."

"I don't know. I got huffy." She went to find Loki. "Will we need special things?"

"We can do most of it in your bathroom. Some of it is meditation based." She nodded at that once. "And the rest will mostly be a cleanse of a sort. Do you have a meditative focus?"

"I don't really meditate unless I'm really getting mad at the science then I take a few deep breaths, think better thoughts, and then go beat it with a bat or something."

He grinned. "Not Darcy's lightening box?"

"Darcy won't let me play with her taser." She smirked. "I might use it on extra people. Like the jackbooted thugs that annoy me so hard by trying to steal my work."

Loki nodded. "That figures. Are you going to continue to work here?"

"I'd like to. Darcy needs me."

"True."

"Maybe if she's really dating someone I'd take a trip but right now she'd be here all alone with the animals."

"Good point. Go ready yourself. I'll find what I need and we'll start in a bit. No coffee. You can drink water when you're not drinking the tea." She grimaced. "Sorry." He grinned. "Has to happen."

"Damn. I'm going to be so grouchy with the headache." She went to clean up her room. She had been a bit messy.

Loki went to talk to Darcy. "Do you have anything like a focusing crystal?"

"Um...." She considered it as she sipped some coffee. "A big crystal ball paper weight that's pretty. A few smaller, older necklaces with carved crystals from when I was a teenager." She got up to find them for him and came back to put them on the table.

He looked at the necklaces. "Those are basically glass." He handed them back but picked up the ball paperweight. It was a pure crystal sphere that had streaks of purple and blue in it. "That may do." He tested it magically and nodded. "It's clean enough and pure enough. No fractures."

"Please don't break it. My grandmother bought it for me and she's dead."

"I don't think we'd have to," he admitted. "I could use a box or some other containment thing?"

"Jar?" she asked with a point at the waiting canning jars. He grinned, getting a set to go in there. Jane came out to put the crystal down and got something else to hand to him. Darcy grinned. "Thanks, Jane."

"Welcome. I know you're super concerned about that thing." Darcy carefully put it on the counter against the wall. That way no one could knock into it. Then she got up to go put it back in the special case so she could come back to eat breakfast.

Brock grinned at the crystal necklaces. They looked like the ones hippies put on their rearview mirrors. It figured Lewis had girlish jewelry still around. She came back and sat down to finish her breakfast. "So you're back to the modeling stuff?"

"I never really stopped. I just do it on instagram instead of getting paid for it." She shrugged a bit. "I got a bit blacklisted for turning in the bad agent and others." She grimaced then stuffed her mouth.

"You did the right thing. I checked, most of them are still in jail. Two of the agents got out on compassionate release for cancer but otherwise they're still there."

"They only charged about a fifth of the people involved though."

"That figures. People like that hide like hell."

"Including as a few well known producers." They shared a look and she shrugged, digging in again. "You did a great job. Thank you for breakfast."

"Welcome." He grinned.

She quit cutting and looked up at him. "I feel like Belle in Beauty and the Beast but it's my house and I'm not hostage." He snickered, grinning at her. "All I need are the dishes to start to speak."

"Don't tempt that guy Xander's people. They have magic over there and might be able to."

"Point." She finished up and got up to do the dishes. "I'm going to look in the attic to see what the stuff they left up there is."

"Okay. Bring the dogs so you're safe in case you run into a portal."

"I'm kinda worried that one says AIM in big, bright, yellow letters. But it's a normal box."

"Excuse me?" Frank asked, walking into the kitchen. "There's a what now?"

"It's a box in the attic. I was going to look things over."

"Let me get Barton to go help you." He went to find Clint, who was stretching on the porch. "Apparently there's a box with AIM written on the side in big yellow letters in the attic."

Clint looked at him. "That's kinda weird. I hope it's not them. We don't need supervillains today." He went inside to help Darcy, putting in his better hearing aids. Brock frowned when he spotted him doing that. "What?" Clint snorted, glaring at him.

"Those are your mission ones."

"How do you know?"

"They're skin colored. Your usual ones match your clothes thanks to Stark tech." He stared at him. "It was fairly obvious."

"Does everyone know that I have hearing problems?"

"That I don't know. I did. I went over your file with a fine toothed comb after the battle of Manhattan in case you stayed under control." He sipped his coffee, staring at him. "Gotta say, I was real impressed with how you made a new team and took down the helicarrier with six people. STRIKE wasn't that good at that time." Clint looked confused. "Even Pierce sighed that he couldn't convince you to come to HYDRA, Barton. You proved all the flaws in the system and Pierce had such bad heartburn he ate rice and milk for three days straight to cure it."

"They...."

"That incident, with the beginning statement that you were under control, is taught at all the intelligence academies. SHIELD's academy director crapped himself visibly when he saw what happened and how you did that because he helped design the helicarrier. He saw it on the post-incident review with a few of us, and Pierce. I was bodyguarding him that day." Clint slumped.

"Yeah, STRIKE Delta's almost mythical anymore to SHIELD. And the CIA," he admitted with a grin. "One of my former guys was and said that he was in awe that I had worked beside you. He'd only heard of you from the battle footage and the CIA academy. You and Romanoff were the boogeymen they didn't want to face."

Clint blushed. "Wow. Just...." He walked off shaking his head. "Huh. Okay. Thank you for letting me know that's why the rookies kept giving me stares and looks. Um, Darcy's touching the box that's named AIM."

"Great." He got more coffee to go help them. "Do you still have that listening device that hooks in?" Clint held it up. "Cool." They went up to the attic. "Let him listen first, Lewis. Just in case that is the freaks in bee suits."

Clint snickered. "They're supposed to be anti-rad suits but yeah." He put the device on and listened, then nodded. "Yeah, that's people talking. So either another portal or somehow we have a base like structure in the box." He picked it up and shook it, hearing people scream. "Not a portal. They reacted."

Brock got a few things from his pack and came back to look through the pinhole camera under the flaps. He had to cut a small hole in the tape. The box was well sealed. He let Clint see it.

"Someone shrank a whole lab in there."

"Are the people okay? I mean, how long have they been in there without water or food?" Darcy asked.

"Apparently," Clint agreed. "Not sure how." He got some of Jane's tape, making her complain but oh well. "Found a box full of AIM agents."

"Have more," Jane said, getting him a second roll of tape. "I hate AIM."

"Yup." He went up to help tape up the box. "We'll bring it back with us, Darcy."

"Thanks." She went to look at the other boxes. The dogs found a few mice for her and carried them outside. The birds out there would like them. Pepper barked at his parrot friend, who came down to eat one. He lapped her then ran up to help find more things. Brock had watched out the window with Darcy and Barton. They all grinned at the dogs, Darcy petting him. "Good boys." They went back to sniffing. Brock's dogs all sat down in front of a box. "Um, Rumlow?" She pointed. "That's what drug dogs do."

"Mine were trained against explosives but they're not scent dogs," he admitted, going to check it. "Wow. Clearly from Xander's world." He blinked a few times. "I have no idea how to undo that."

Clint pulled out his phone to call Stark. "Hey, it's me."

"How's the storm?" he asked.

"Stuck here for at least a few more days. Um, the dogs Darcy adopted from the portal that had Rumlow in it, they hit on an explosive." He let him see the outer area then slowly let him see the inner. "How do we disarm it, Tony?"

"Blue key," he said, sipping his glass of green stuff. "Then pull the battery in the bottom. It shouldn't be balance boobytrapped."

"Thank you," Brock said. He did that and found the battery, pulling out a knife to unscrew it. "I need to carry a screwdriver."

"All our tools are in the lab," Darcy said.

"Great, Foster probably needed them," Clint said absently. "Boys, find the others."

"Scan," Brock said in German. They went to do that for him. Two of the three hit on another box. Xander appeared with a blink. "Yours?"

"Yeah I've been using up here as storage for the bigger idiot things." He got into another box and the dogs all whined at that. He checked then Clint came over to disarm it. "I might need it for a last ditch. That's why I have those up here," he admitted, looking at Clint.

"If you need to blow up something that bad, that's a good choice," Clint agreed. "But we don't want to hurt Darcy or the dogs." He frowned. "Did you put that box of AIM?"

"Yeah, Willow and Andrew went against them because they came after Andrew." He grimaced but shrugged a bit. "Which made them immortal in the shorter forms. Not sure if they can get into it on their own though. They're trapped in the box and the box holds the shrinking spell steady so they can't get out."

"Yeah, that's on our side so it's going," Darcy said with a grin. "I don't need more bad guys around here, Xander. Sorry."

"Not like I mind, Darcy. They're dumb and asses. They actually thought Andrew was too weak to do anything to them." She shook her head with a sigh. "Yeah, Andrew nearly made it to evil overlord status and plenty who know him know not to mess with the girls because he'll go back there again. Even if he was nicer than his cohorts, all that broke him and as a hellmouth born and bred guy, he's practical above all else.

"He'll end them then huff that they made him and go have ice cream with the slayers." He moved to check that box then showed the guys the other ones he had stored. The one two of the dogs had hit on got disassembled but in a way that Xander could put it back together if he had to. Stark was amused, slightly, but he probably knew guys like Andrew, if not that world's version himself.

Darcy made an index list to write on the outside of the boxes. That way they knew where to find things. Clint added in a rating of how big the bomb was too on those ones. That way you didn't grab something to destroy a building when you only need a pinpoint thing. Or grab the green nuke instead of a lesser explosive since they found one in a back corner. Rumlow went over it carefully, making plans from it. Yeah, he could use that. Stark got the same thing and Clint knocked Rumlow out, taking the plans from him to shred. The box got put into a different closet to hide it from the asshole brigade they had.

Frank saw that hiding and looked at it once Barton had been gone for long enough. "Green nuclear device," he read. Then he shut the closet again and walked off. Yeah, he didn't need to know. Not that it wouldn't be nice to clean up Hell's Kitchen in New York with that thing but it'd hurt too many innocents. He definitely wasn't into that level of bad guy. Bomb, yes. Nuclear bomb? Not yet. Not even Fisk deserved that level of hell.

Clint grinned at him. "I'm going to use it on the next big HYDRA base we find. Teach them to mess up that way."

Frank patted him on the shoulder with a grin. "You have fun with that, Barton."

"I think I will." Rumlow glared at them but they grinned back.

***

Up in the SHIELD headquarters, an agent went to Hill. "Ma'am, I just finished the transcripts from Hawkeye's mission comm device going on for a few minutes."

"Did his other hearing aids brown out?"

"No, I think he wanted the for the delicacy of volume. They found a box full of agents of AIM. Somehow."

"Excuse me?" He handed the over and left her to handle it. She read it over carefully then called him. She held up the transcripts. "Your comm was on, Barton. AIM?" Clint nodded, telling her what he had seen. She blinked a few times. "Okay," she decided. "Why is that other realm pushing them over here?"

"So they don't use them until they have to."

She sighed. "Great. We want anything too large confiscated."

"No can do. Xander and his people will probably need at least some of those. Apparently they have the occasional demon realm that tries to invade or a huge demon show up to create hell."

She blinked again, nodding slowly. "Okay. Is anything above that level?"

"Something listed as a green nuclear device."

"Green?"

"Yeah. Stark thinks it might not blow radiation or something. I conferenced him in to tell us how to disarm things so they could be restored if necessary by Xander and his crew. All the destruction, less fallout afterward."

"Okay," she repeated slowly. "Was it just you?"

"Rumlow did the actual disarming but I knocked him out and took the plans from him before he could drool in pleasure on 'em."

She winced but nodded. "If it wasn't for that storm, I'd come get the box of AIM agents and that bomb. I trust Stark not to use it."

Clint grinned. "I'm bringing it back with me so he can make plans off it."

"I'll send him help. Fitz-Simmons is nearby and I trust them."

"They were nice geeks," Clint agreed. "Did you know that they teach about me when I was under control?" he asked.

She raised an eyebrow. "Yes. As a way to warn them that it's possible they'll be put under some sort of control and how to break it if possible and also that it brought out skills you hid from us. Also, if they have to fall into an Avengers level battle they know you know how to plan so they'll actually listen to you as a field commander."

"Oh. I didn't get that part."

"Barton, you're like the sexiest boogeyman most of them would like to have fuck them up in the academy," she said bluntly. He grinned at that. "We made sure you look human though." She hung up and called Stark. "That bomb?"

"The green nuke? Yeah, I'm getting that. No you can't have it."

"I'm sending Fitz-Simmons to look it over for us. They're totally trusted as they're the director's science team."

He snorted. "I don't care what Coulson wants, Hill."

"Tough. We need plans just in case we run into one in the field, Stark. If one person somewhere figured it out, another could." He shrugged. "Fitz-Simmons will remind you of Banner and Foster only they're like mystically bound twins some days."

"Great. Yeah, I've heard soulmate rumors about them."

"Exactly and if someone like Rumlow figures it out we're screwed."

"Fine. I'll let you claim the box of mystically shrunken AIM guys too." He hung up.

She shuddered. "I have no idea how to take them out. Do you stomp on them like mice?" She went to make that report and find Fitz-Simmons in the lab. "People." The geeks all looked at her. "Fitz, Simmons, I have an assignment for you in a few days with Stark. We ran into things from another realm." They groaned. "Go, make us detailed notes. Just in case." They nodded. "Should be a few days though. Barton's got eyes on it when he's not playing with the dogs." She walked off to go back to he desk.

The geeks shared a look and then shrugged at each other and got back to work with the other geeks. They'd find out later how bad it was.

***

Darcy was getting fidgety thanks to the storm and Frank was the only one who saw it. She was staring out the window since it wasn't dry enough on the porch, rocking back and forth slightly. She had music playing. He walked in and took her hand, spinning her out then pulling her back. "Work out the energy, Lewis."

"You're kinda taken, Frank."

"Not with me," he said with a smirk. "Smartass. Just dance for now."

"You can dance?"

"Yeah, I did a few times with my wife when she was in that fidgety state." She nodded, dancing with him for now. It did calm her down to feel someone was there. He spun her again and it was nicer. She was calmer at least. They lasted through a few more songs before Clint came in to take his place. Frank grinned and let him.

Darcy looked up at him. "Mission?" she guessed.

"Ballroom dancing, yeah." He smirked. "With Natasha, who steps on my feet. She's great at ballet but ballroom she trips because she's going backwards."

"That's nice to know."

"She made herself go back to ballet class and work on her footwork. Took up fencing for a bit too."

"That figures. I can see Natasha with a sword."

"I've seen her handling a broadsword. Tiny little pissed off redhead with a huge sword. I made an anime joke and nearly got gutted by her before she went off on the other one. Though she did apologize for missing later on." She gave him a squeeze. "I realized earlier this is like a movie."

"If it was, we'd hate each other until we had a fight then fucked really hard," she quipped with a smirk for him.

"Not that sorta movie. I was thinking more about horror movies but Jane hasn't been killed yet for being the blonde." She laughed, finishing her relaxing and leaning her head on his shoulder. He grinned at her, going back to dancing with her. "At least the monkeys aren't evolving to take over the earth." She poked him but stayed relaxed.

Brock glanced in as he walked past on the way to the bathroom. Personally he thought it was like one of the boring books they read in high school english class but Darcy wasn't in pre-victorian clothes and wandering around the house in her wedding dress, broken minded and waiting on her fiancé to come home. Planet of the Apes, well, they had monkeys but not the sort to take over. They'd hate to have to feed themselves again. Darcy had spoiled them a lot.

***

That night, Darcy was curled up in bed with the dogs on the floor. For some reason they didn't want to nap on the bed or in the blanket fort. She had offered to curl up with them in there and they wouldn't. So no telling, they were being very cat-like dogs tonight. She settled down to listen to the storm that was still going. One more day of rain then the guys would be gone probably. So she'd be alone with Jane, the dogs, and the monkeys.

Downstairs, Clint was wandering around the house looking at things. Stark had it furnished in a comfortable style that was like Darcy's more eclectic but fun style. But something was missing. He sent a text to Stark about Darcy's former apartment in the tower. Where were her stuffed friends? Or the wacky sexy leg lamp? Or even her lava lamp. Stark said everything had been sent but he'd make sure. So Clint went browsing in the empty rooms. And then the storage areas. There it was. Darcy had written 'Darcy's old stuff' on the boxes. It was clearly not Jane's handwriting since it was readable. He looked in the boxes then brought them inside to figure out where she'd probably want them. He stubbed his toe and that woke up Frank, who came to see what he was doing. He showed him and got a nod back. So they decided to do some rearranging.

Rumlow came out shaking his head at a grunt from Frank dropping a box onto the table. "How can I help?" he asked quietly.

"Keep her stuffed friends from the dogs," Clint said quietly. Jane was still awake and she came out to stare at them. "She's lost herself."

"I noticed," she agreed. "She's feeling grown up again. The last time she did that, she bought regular pantyhose that gave her a friction burn and infection." The guys stared at her. "First, go put her lights up. That'll help a lot. Make her a fort room? We'll do the heavier stuff tomorrow while she's wandering around feeling lost." She went back to her room.

The guys shared a look, getting into the box marked 'lights'. The leg lamp got reassembled and the other two guys stared at it. "Did she buy out Spensers?" Brock guessed.

Frank grinned. "She did say she liked that store." He found a box that made him blush and put it aside. "I don't think those hang up." They took those and some material she had packed to put up a great fort room for her. Large 'tent' area with all the extra pillows in the house in there. It was at least four times bigger than the one she had set up to soothe the dogs. Her lights went up in there. Clint snuck in to put her lava lamp in her bedroom, waking the dogs to stare at him. He grinned, winked, and plugged it in. Darcy quit shifting in her sleep and moaned in happiness. So she was having a problem with lack of light. Going from a city to extremely rural could do that to you. He went back to the fort room. "The lamp made her quit wiggling in her sleep," he said quietly.

"Yeah, takes a while to get used to the quiet and no lights," Frank agreed with a nod. "The stuffed things? I doubt we want to nail them up."

"Shelf all the way around the room at human height so the dogs don't get 'em?" Clint suggested, looking at Rumlow.

"Only Pepper had a stuffed toy," he admitted. "Your two?"

"Saved. Rescued." That got a nod from Rumlow. "About chest height or is that too low?"

"Boys," Brock called. It brought his dogs. The other two followed. He held up a toy. One of his started to bounce. "Not yours. This is hers. Your human mother's toys. Not dog toys." That one tried to get it but Brock stared. She slunk down so he got them the approved dog toy version. That made him happier. "Okay, so maybe eye height instead." The other two nodded, planning on how to do that. They heard Darcy get up and the dogs raced back to check on her. "They love 'er at least." They got back to work hanging lights and making Darcy a nesting area.

***

Darcy woke up warm, not alone, and the dogs were on her too. She blinked at the guy next to her. "Did you crawl in, Clint?"

"Just now, when the dogs said you were getting up." He leaned down next to her. "You seem to have lost yourself somewhere on the way down here, lady." He smirked. "We put your lights up and made you a permanent fort room." He handed over the cup of coffee he had made for her. She sat up slightly to sip it with a moan. He cuddled her. "It's like you're some weird alternate universe, uptight, suburban Barbie Darcy."

"I...I own a house."

"Yeah, and that doesn't change you, Darcy. You don't have to act all grown up just because you own a house with monkeys." He smirked a tiny bit. "Jane remembered you doing this before with some pantyhose?"

"I hated those things." She took another sip and moaned. "Thank you for using the half-and-half."

"Welcome, princess." He cuddled her. "We're putting the stuffed friends up on a shelf so the dogs can't snatch them." He petted the staring dog. "It's all right. She's cuddly this morning." Darcy smiled and petted them all. All the dogs went back to sleep. He grinned at her again. "You can be you, Darcy. We like you for you. That uptight you was stressing out for no reason."

"What happens if the money runs out?" she asked quietly.

"Babe, you're not going to be broke anytime soon. You've got a yearly allowance from the settlement with SHIELD. I had Pepper make *sure* Hill set it up right. The few agents who don't know that we screwed up, well they'll probably hear the gossip." He snuggled her against him again. "If so, we'll figure it out when it gets thin in about fifteen years. By then, the monkeys will be thinned out again at least once so you're not buying all the fruit in county for them. Jane might be doing something in space. We'll figure it out.

"Maybe by then you'll have a husband, or at least a boyfriend that's a permanent fixture around here, to deal with any necessary repairs." She nodded, finishing that cup of coffee. "We found your twinkle lights, made you a nice fort room, and we'll put up the shelves now that you're awake." She looked up at him again. "We didn't want you to wake up to drilling or screwing noises." She giggled. "Mind out of the gutter, babe. Though not sure if it wouldn't help Jane's bad mood."

"It could."

He pointed at the box he had put down for her. "I didn't do more than open the box for a second then close it and put it in here."

"I didn't want to pull them out while you guys were here. I don't want to seem like I'm offering."

He smirked. "If you're offering, someone might take you up, but you're not the only one in this house who's masturbated apparently. Loki apparently does it nightly." She blushed, shaking her head. "I'm pretty sure Jane has too since she came out blushing the other morning when she caught me in the kitchen." He gave her a squeeze. "And if you wanna hit on someone, hit on someone!"

"You're all taken."

"Well, kinda. Rumlow's not that I know of." He shrugged. "He's not for keeping but he's not *horrible* from what I've heard talked about around the base. But definitely not for keeps." He smirked again. "You making him slower in a few days would help us arrest him."

"I'm not going to use my magical vajayay for that."

"All up to you, princess." He leaned over to drop a kiss on top of her head. "Come see what your guys have done?" She nodded, carefully getting out to not disturb the dogs. They got up to follow her anyway. She walked into the next room, gasping in awe. Frank grinned at her. "See, all your usual things." She took a stuffed friend off the shelf to hug. Pepper stared at the stuffed friend. "That's hers. You have your own and you can't touch hers, Pepper," he warned. Pepper ran to get her stuffed toy and brought it back, cuddling with the human so they could both have stuffed friend time. Darcy had arranged the pillows into a nest area and it was comfortable. The dogs went back to their nap while being petted. She pulled Frank down to hug him too.

"Welcome, Princess." He and Clint finished putting up the shelves. Rumlow brought in a few new boxes for them.

"The blue one is in my bedroom please," she said. He took that one in there for her. "Thanks, Rumlow."

"Welcome."

Jane came in with more coffee for everyone and looked around then grinned at Darcy. "This is nice. Great job, guys. I'm going to be spending the day meditating thanks to Loki. Need me for anything?" she asked, sounding hopeful to get out of the meditation.

"Nah, we can do it," Frank assured her. "Have fun with those two." She pouted but nodded, heading down to get into the meditative work. Maybe it'd help her with her current problem in the lab.

Darcy looked out at them. "She doesn't like that sort of thing but it's necessary this time I guess." She snuggled in with the dogs, getting a lick from Pepper. "Thanks, baby girl." She petted her until they both fell back asleep. The guys shared a smirk and finished up, going to decorate the other rooms for her too. Clint had to order more twinkling lights but that happened sometimes. He sent an email to Pepper too, making sure she had overlooked Hill's shoulder with Darcy's trust. She had and made sure it was still fine.

So things would go on. Even if Loki was staring at Jane like she was a juicy steak that would piss off Thor for him to touch.

Darcy could handle this life, maybe. She hoped.

The end.