The Bringer of New Horrors.





Tony kept track of Xander for a few more months, watching as he settled in a small town on a construction crew and bought a small farm with a good sized mortgage he was paying off pretty fast. He sent Xander an email about the farm once but he said there was a kitten poker circuit nearby so he was using his winnings to pay it off. Then Xander offered him some apples from his apple tree so Tony left it there.

Though he was still watching. Xander had a habit that may not be good for him. Especially when he saw that Xander had to take on something huge and somehow had a piece of artillery. Tony stared at that news report then looked at Gibbs, who was involved in the current case. He'd call Xander later about that weapon. Xander wasn't allowed to own artillery. He knew that.

***

Steve McGarrett, having seen the same article, blinked a few times. He looked up Xander's locked journal site but it hadn't been updated in a while. The phone number was bad. The email address still worked so that was something. He asked and Xander admitted he had forgotten his password and hadn't gotten to change it. So Steve put that phone number into his personal phonebook.

He asked about the artillery. Xander's quip back about 'no one here to blow the thing's head off' and a picture of the thing afterwards made him question Xander's sanity. He pointed out if Xander had said something one of the ones he knew might have shown up. Xander told him it was a big nothing so not a problem. Steve asked about other artillery and how he got it. Xander's answer of demon poker circuit made Steve mentally groan. He asked about how many other pieces there were in circulation, before something got used on people.

Xander pointed out he wasn't going to do that and most of them went off-realm for their wars. Steve moaned loud enough that it drew attention to him in his office. He sent back an email and said he'd talk to him later, he was at work and that was not the place to talk about this. Xander quipped back inside a forwarded cute pet email. "Great," he muttered. "Just...great." If he knew who else knew about Xander he'd talk to them about his collecting habit. Someone really needed to have a talk with that boy.

***

Xander was in LA right before the invasion. He had a nice enough motel room. He had hidden weapons so no one could find them. He had his axe, sword, and guns on him because he was playing kitten poker with a lot of nervous demons. He finally looked at one. "Relax," he said bluntly. "They heard." The demons around him relaxed. "Even if they move it, we'll still go stop it."

"Angel said it wasn't going to happen."

"I'll let a few of them go wake his pale ass up," Xander quipped. Someone leaned over the top of his head to stare down at him. "Hi, Steve." He grinned. "Did you come to visit LA?"

"Yes I did." He pulled a chair over and sat down after making sure nothing was on it. "I remember what you showed me." He stared at him. "Do we have things?"

"Yeah, we have things," Xander promised. "Hidden but things." A few of the demons around the room nodded. He grinned. "Do you have what you'll need?"

"Hopefully." Tony stomped in with Gibbs behind him. "Wow, you brought more help. DiNozzo, Gibbs," he said with a nod. Xander grinned and waved, getting back to his poker hand. The others all complained about humans but oh well. Steve looked at a loudly complaining one. "We're here for the thing tomorrow. We can go home if you want."

"No. Please help us handle that," he squeaked, slumping down in his seat.

Xander reached over to pat him on the arm. "It'll be okay for most everyone." The demon nodded, getting back to his poker hand. He grinned at Tony. "Did you two meet?"

"They had to come question a teammate," Steve said. "There's some sort of glow."

"I see auras so I can't tell." He cashed out and went with the guys. "So, how's it been going, guys? Anyone want some of my apples from my tree? I won't eat most of them myself."

"Donate them," Tony suggested.

"Nowhere in town," Xander admitted. "Or else I would have." They walked outside together and Xander looked back as part of his money disappeared. "I didn't know your name was Anya," he called. "Give it back! I don't want to go into that battle pissed off." One of the bouncers brought it out to him. "Thanks." He walked off with the guys following. "So are we gathering anywhere specific tomorrow?"

"We wanted to look at the artillery you won," Steve quipped. Tony moaned, shaking his head. "You didn't see that one fight?"

"I did." He swatted Xander on the head, making him yelp. "You can't have those."

Xander smiled. "We'll see how much is left tomorrow."

"Good point." They went to check the weapons. That caught the attention of an LAPD member but a demon showed up and they freaked out and ran off. Xander got his little U-Haul truck to another parking garage and they settled in to deal with it tonight. They could sleep in shifts and go back to Xander's motel room to change and shower in the morning. They all gathered around ten that morning at a coffee place near that law firm's office. Nothing for a bit. Until about one. Then there was an explosion. And a lot of demons. Humans screaming and running. Some taping. Gibbs and Tony were alerting people it was now and it was huge. Xander had called a few of the hunters in town to let them know. They all stepped in to start dealing with it. The police showed up. The agents in town showed up. Xander broke out the weapons. Which Steve took control of.

Gibbs looked over from blowing off a demon's head. "McGarrett, when this is done, they're yours. We'll let you hand them in for destruction."

"Hey!" Xander complained. "Those sort usually try to confiscate my swords too. You can have the higher things but the rest are mine."

"We'll see," Tony quipped.

"All legal," Xander quipped back with an evil smirk before he beheaded the demon in front of them. He shot the next one and the one behind it but then had to behead again. "Steve, the portal has to be wrecked," he called. "Hit the boundary, not the portal."

"I can have someone do that." He called that in. "General, McGarrett. That thing I warned you about, it's now. The portal is inside the law firm. Break the boundary not the portal itself. I have confiscated a demon hunter's artillery stash he brought for this thing. Yes, that's me and him, General. Got it." He hung up. "DiNozzo, my general would love the higher weapons back but I doubt he'd take the guns."

"My guns," Xander said firmly. "All mine. All legal. Quit." He beheaded another thing and shot a glare at Steve. "Sorry but I don't answer to a military authority. My higher power is 'gotta solve this shit'. Which is now going to be in the open thanks to all the cameras around here." He went back to it, moving off. Steve followed because he wanted to make sure Xander made it through it. "I'm fine, can handle this."

"I can't," Steve told him. "So I'm going to be near the most knowledgeable source I can find until we're done. That way if something weird pops up, I can handle it." He pointed at one.

Xander looked. "That's Lorne, he's on our side. Leave him alone."

"Okay. That's good to know." He called that information in. Thankfully the demons coming out were all of one type. It made not hitting the helpful ones easier. By the end, Xander didn't have any artillery anyway and he was in a lot of pain from injuries. Plus out of breath. Steve was in the same shape. Gibbs had joined with a military unit who was firing on the demon invaders. Tony had helped the LA hunting team by using his shotguns. Steve looked around at the mess. "Damn glad I'm not on clean up." He limped over to Xander, making him stand up. "Leaning down will make it hurt more. C'mon, we're going to the medics."

"Fuck no, I don't trust them. I'll hit an ER, thanks." He limped off but Steve stopped him. "Steve, I don't trust them," he said bluntly, staring at him. "How many of them won't like me because of a little DNA contamination?"

"So don't tell them."

"They'll find out. Then I'll be hunted. So no." He got free. "Sorry but go get treated." He limped off again. He found a demon healer and nodded at their guard. "Which ER is better?"

"General." He pointed. "A few more blocks that way, Knight."

"Thanks." He limped off. A military guy tried to stop him. "I'm going to an ER."

"We have special medics, sir."

Xander stared at him. "Yes, I'm aware of their sort. I had to get help to bring down a military project that hated all demons and tortured them. I'll go to a regular ER. Thanks." The guy backed out of his way. "Thank you. If you find my machete, give it to Gibbs please." He limped off again. He moved around Gibbs' group and waved when Gibbs yelled his name. "No."

"Fine. We'll check on you later."

"Whatever." He growled at the guy in his way, making him move. "Thanks." He smirked some. "Did Angel make it, Wes?" He slowly shook his head. "I'm sorry you lost him then." He gave him a short, painful hug. "I'll be gone again tomorrow."

"You could stay," he said hoarsely.

"No. Not really. I only deal with huge things or if they're in my face. Thanks though. Tell everyone I said hi and keep Willow from trying to kill me again? She tried last week." Wesley winced but let him go. "I'm going to General."

"Medics?" Wesley asked with a point.

"Swim team, Wes." He gave him a pointed look.

"Three blocks then left," Wesley said with a point. Xander grinned, limping off again. He sighed, going to check on the others of them. "Xander said hello on his way to the ER at General."

Gunn looked up from being stitched. "Boy's tough. He should be fine." Wesley nodded he agreed. "Anything else?"

"His machete is missing," Steve called. "If anyone finds where I lost it on him please give it to Gibbs or those guys." He pointed. Someone handed it over. "Thank you." Steve let the medics take him. "Please have something to drink?" They handed him a few bottles of gatorade and some energy bars. Steve tucked into them while he got stitches. He looked at his general. "It sucked, sir."

"It did. We had a lot of unknown species out there."

"They're locals and they're helping," Steve said firmly. "We respect them for falling in for the huge emergency that blew their kind into the open." The general stared at him. Steve stared back. "They were hiding long before the military tried to figure out how to rip them apart. If such a group would start again, a lot of us would feel the need to bring them down."

"We did what?" the general demanded.

"Go ask Gibbs, sir." He pointed. "He's NCIS and arrested a lot of them."

"In my navy?"

"In the Rangers for a lot of them." Steve stared at him. The general stomped off to demand to know why the locals were being so upset by the military cleaning things up. Gibbs told him and Tony added a note.

"General, they would probably like some way to claim their dead," Tony told him. "Preferably without a lot of extra incisions." The general winced. "Would you like them to do it to your family?"

"No. I can pass on that order. Most of us are just gathering things. We didn't count on that." He went to tell that to the clean up teams. They were already separating them out but there were medics there looking over the bodies. "People, they're locals."

"They're not human," one of the medics said.

"Yes, apparently the army found out about that at one time and did things so disgusting they got the rest of us hated by proxy." The medic stepped back, nodding. "They'd like to get their honored dead back."

"We can arrange that, sir," one said. "We'll talk with their healers." He pointed at that area. "They're guarded and we don't blame them. A few of them are really freaked out at us. I guess we know why now." He looked at his fellow doctor and got back to work. "We're just numbering them for the moment, sir. That way we can note it on the report."

"That's fine. I can go tell them myself. That way no one has to get any bad ideas about our boys and girls having bad ideas." He walked over there. A bodyguard sort got in his way. "I'm here in peace, son. I wanted to thank people and let you know that they're separating out the dead."

A healer came out, mostly human looking. "General."

He smiled at her. "Thank you for helping, ma'am. You and all your peoples have our thanks for helping stop this problem. Our medics over there are separating out anyone who wasn't from that portal." He pointed. "They're giving them numbers since we don't have any names. The reports will have to be done."

"I remember those when I was in the military," the healer said, smiling slightly. "Thank you for not being like those ones who tortured our people."

"I just heard about that. Made me sick, ma'am. If they try it again, let us know." He shook her hand. "Be safe and we'll be here for hours cleaning things up. Who would know about the group that started that?"

"Wolfram and Hart's senior board and a few from outside the US," she said. "We told those who would understand. That's why agents got here so fast. And the Knight." She looked at the guard. "We have not seen him?"

"He asked for an ER. I sent him to General," the guard said.

"That's fine. He would be uneasy with us and with theirs." She smiled at the general. "We will be taking ours back to the clinics within an hour."

"That's fine, ma'am. We'll be here probably until tomorrow. Let us know so we can block any reporters that might try to bother you." She nodded and went back to her patients. He went to talk to Gibbs again. "They're probably right to be paranoid."

"Probably," Gibbs agreed. "I would be if I was them." He leaned against the jeep behind him. "Agents and MP's are already blocking off reporters."

"That's fine. Let us know when we need to give them a better exit strategy."

"DiNozzo is handling that, General. He and I were there to take down the project that made them hate the US military."

"Good to know. Anyone else there?"

"You saw the shitpile last month? O'Neill was there."

"That poor general but at least someone handled it." He went off to talk to his SEALs again. Most of them were conscious and injured but enduring. "We'll release you boys to a local base tonight to clean up and rest before you go back to your normal duties. I've already arranged it. It'll be newbie barracks but you can handle it for a night."

McGarrett shook his head. "I need to check on the one I was fighting beside, General. He won those weapons in poker games and I can probably make sure that was all he had."

"Not a bad idea. You have permission to go find him tomorrow, McGarrett. Confiscate anything bad."

"He went on a 'my weapons' fit," Steve admitted quietly.

"Yeah, I would too if I had to deal with this sort of thing often." He walked off, going to talk to the other military leaders there. The governor was already there demanding answers. He pointed him at Gibbs. Better an agent than a soldier to deal with politicians. They were used to them.

***

Steve had to go back to Xander's farm to find him the next day. He had flown out that night to avoid them. He knocked on the door before walking in. Xander looked up from changing his bandages. Steve settled in to help him. "I got ordered to check to make sure you don't have any more."

"That's because you narked."

"It's the law, Xander."

"Yeah but demons don't really fall under the law." He gave him a pointed look. "I'm pretty well down to guns now." He taped down the last piece of gauze. "Thanks for the help."

"Need any others checked?"

"No, I'm good. Just not answering the phone or the door. My boss has already left a threatening voicemail." He sighed. "I'll find another job somewhere."

"Going to move?"

"I have another ten years of payments on the farm."

"If you sell it for at least that amount, you can pay off that mortgage."

"Yeah but I had a lot of problems getting this one."

"That could be a good point." He stared at him. "I still have to look." Xander shrugged but got up to make coffee. Steve watched him. "I ate at the airport, Xander. Don't worry about me." Xander gave him a look. "What?" he asked patiently.

"Even if I had weapons I wouldn't tell you, Steve. I'll need them again some day."

"You can play more poker."

"Not really. The local circuit dried up last year." Steve grimaced. "They wanted out of the midwest. Not that I really blame them. There's really nothing to do around here but go to bars."

"Yeah. That can happen in any small town anywhere though." He took his cup of coffee. "Thanks." Xander nodded, sitting down with his toast and scrambled eggs. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah, so far. No mob with torches has shown up."

"If they do, I'll help since I'm here." Xander smirked at him. "Really." He let the kid eat then let him show him around the farm. Xander even showed him his gun room. It was nice, neatly put together, and had a good selection. That's about when the locals showed up to yell at him. Steve walked out there, staring at them. He was in his uniform so they knew he was in the Navy. "Gentlemen," he said with a nod.

"He was there with those *things*," one of them shouted with a point at the house. "You shouldn't be here."

"I should be here. We were both fighting that invasion." He stared at them. "So were a lot of other military people. A lot of agents too. Did you want us to not fight and let them take over LA to eat people?" One of them threw a rock at him but he batted it aside. "That's rude, people. Don't make me call the police." Another rock got thrown, this time by a guy in a uniform. Then Gibbs drove up and got out with DiNozzo.

"Federal Agents," Gibbs yelled. "Move it. Now! Before I arrest all of you!" A few fled. Tony and he got into the group, arresting them all. The local sheriff came out to protest but Gibbs had State Police on their way and they overruled the sheriff.

Tony walked up to look at Xander. "You should probably move," he said quietly.

Xander nodded. "I have years left on the mortgage, Tony." He stared at him. "And housing prices are falling, not going up. I won't be able to move with what I'd get under these circumstances."

An ascended being appeared, staring at him. "Well, you said you wanted to still help," she said.

"Hey, Cordelia. The Powers mad?"

"You bet."

"Well, fuck them. We can bring the last demons up there to them if they want." She smirked at him. "Seriously, I will."

"No, not really in their plans, Xander." She smirked. "They hate you enough to have one of *them* be out of jail and in this area."

"I met him earlier," Xander said with a nod. "He's already on his way to hell."

She blinked at him. "What?"

He stared back. "I called a justice ring on him." She shuddered, backing away slowly. "Be damned if I go back to that tumor again because some higher up is mad that we won and humanity is going on without bowing and scraping. You can quote me." He grinned. "Or I can go visiting if I want."

"No, you're back in your body."

"Yeah and I can get out of it again if I want to. Done it a few times." She shrank back. He walked over to hug her. "You have a great afterlife nagging people, Cordy," he said quietly, smiling at her. "We miss you." He kissed her on the cheek then stepped back to let her go. "You have a great life."

"I..." She sighed. "Okay. You too. You should definitely move."

"I have a mortgage, Cordy."

"Maybe there's someone who wants to put up a paranoid compound around here," she said. "It could get you somewhere safer, like Hawaii."

Xander looked at her oddly. "Why Hawaii?"

She pointed. "He's going to end up there some day. That way you know people you can talk to about stuff. And there's some protections so Willow can't do anything there. Considering I had to stop her earlier from a mass memory charm to consider yesterday a hallucination...." He winced, shaking his head as he looked down. "Giles is in 'oh dear god' land again and cleaning his glasses. Wes is livid about the press coverage and Travers blaming him."

"I warned you guys when I had that vision," Xander quipped.

"We remember, Xander. We know it's not your fault. Or anyone but Wolfram and Hart's fault. They did the portal thing." She grimaced. "Hawaii would be better and you could get back to studying your bellybutton. It'd also keep the O'Neill thing from coming down on you." Xander winced. "Yeah, that report got released by one of the higher ups trying to make O'Neill look heroic. Your getting them and the growly one over there was noted. Sorry."

"Who released those?" Tony sighed.

"Not a clue, hottie," she said with a smile. "But you're cute."

"I can't date ghosts. I'd miss cuddles and sex," Tony quipped. "What can we do to protect ourselves?"

"Go into hiding for a bit," she sad with a grin. "It'll protect you and that goth girl and all those other sorts around you. Your new director...having a *huge* Willow fit. It came with the red hair." She looked at Xander. "Try to move to Hawaii. It'll be safer. You can still do farm and building stuff."

"I can think about that. I have no idea how I'd buy out there. It's more expensive than here. Had to fight really hard to get the mortgage for this one."

"I forgot. Medical bills."

"They should've taken care of those," Tony said, looking at Gibbs.

"That's news to me and Sinai Hospital," Xander said dryly. "Because I'm still paying them off. Will be until I die probably and still be owing more."

Steve looked at him. "They're that bad?"

"The cheapest days were twelve hundred," Xander said. "About sixty of the year and eleven months in the hospital were twelve thousand a day." Steve flinched, shaking his head with a sigh. "I had insurance but..." He shrugged. "It got canceled shortly after I went in there since it was through my job."

"Crap." Steve looked at Gibbs.

"They were supposed to pay them off," he agreed. "We all talked about it and they agreed to."

"Guys, I'm a realistic person. Those sort won't care about me. I'm not one of them. I wasn't physically there to stop the mess. Victims of messes like that get shut up, and I'm still fighting against the ones that show up now and then." They all looked at him. "I had one show up at work and start to threaten me the other day. They don't care about me as long as I don't go on the news. And with yesterday, doing that is out of the question anyway because there's a lot of people like those idiots who hated me for saving their asses. It's not going to change just because we saved LA and probably most of humanity. Well, at least this and the connected continent. They can't fly or swim so they'd have to be moved so therefore taken out then." He shrugged at the continued staring going on. "Really."

"We can talk to the agent that showed up the other day," Tony said patiently.

"It won't make them do anything, Tony. They had their chance and decided not to. I get that. I should've been louder about the hell." He shrugged and walked off, going to get more coffee. He still had to reclean his blades and axe to make sure they were really clean from all the goo from yesterday. He had cleaned them but he had been tired and may have missed things that would tarnish or even corrode the metal.

Tony looked at the people they had arrested. "Which agent showed up at his work?" he asked. They all glared at him. "You know, the ones that have been living in LA for generations probably want to move somewhere safer. This would be a great new enclave area."

"It's not safe enough for that," Gibbs said. "Pity. They probably could use the peaceful area to stay safe in right now." He frowned. "Go search the house, DiNozzo. Find their card." Tony strolled in to do that. He looked at McGarrett. "What were your orders?"

"Find the artillery he still had." He leaned on a porch support. "Which he says he doesn't have any more of."

"Yeah, I believe that too," Gibbs said dryly. "Really."

Steve grinned. "Me too." Tony came out with the card and was already calling someone. "I told my general yesterday why all the natives were trying to get away from them. He wasn't pleased."

"I still have disgusted nightmares about breaking that project," Tony admitted. "Yes, Agent Peters. I am calling about Mr. Harris. Actually, he's helped us a lot over the years." The agent spewed some rancid stuff. Tony handed the phone to Gibbs and looked at Steve. "The barn?"

"A wreck from what I could tell. He may be out of anything bigger." Steve grimaced when Gibbs walked off talking to that agent. "Xander's scrubbing down his axe."

"We can help him." They went to help Xander calm down. He was nearly glowing in the dark room. "Are you going to go out of your body again?"

"Don't tempt me to go talk to the PTB," Xander muttered. "I'm fine, guys."

"Yeah." Steve sat down, taking the cleaning cloth and sword. "Teach me how to sharpen these? That's not how I do my blades." Xander nodded, showing him the picky art of sharpening a sword. The tip to side blade transition was a bit delicate. He and Tony helped sharpen and clean everything in the armory until Gibbs found them later.

"That agent is very sorry he's an idiot," Gibbs said. "Though he was bringing the agreement out to you. He wasn't sure why, just that you were to read it over and agree to it, Xander." Xander looked at him. "You didn't let him get that out."

"That's because he got out of his rental Fed-mobile sneering."

"Yeah, that was his idiot moment. He had no idea that you were a victim of agents that got arrested. He does now and he'll be bringing *me* the agreement so I can make sure of it. Then we'll talk." He looked over the armory. "Where's your bigger guns?" Xander pointed at the closet. Steve leaned over to open it, frowning at what it contained. "Didn't you have more?"

"Lost 'em during the battle," Xander admitted.

"Your machete's in the car," Steve told him. "So is your shotgun." Xander smiled at him. "Least I could do since I was coming out here anyway."

"I really don't have any more artillery." The three older men all gave him looks. "I brought it all with me. The poker circuit's been pretty dry recently because of the massive off-realm wars going on."

"We can still see the room," Steve said with a grin. Xander rolled his eyes but took them out to look at the empty rooms. They were simply dug out but pretty roomy. "Was this all full?"

"Not hardly."

"How much did you bring from Sunnydale?" Tony asked.

"Those...are inconvenienced." Steve and Gibbs both gave him dirty looks. He picked up one to show them the miniature weapon. "Willow'd. No one can undo them."

"Fuck," Steve said. "That could've been very handy during the invasion. Did you ask her?"

"She tried to set me on fire for grabbing my stuff out of Sunnydale. Now I know for certain why my car exploded in Oxnard on my roadtrip," Xander said dryly. "You can ask her if you want. There's a ton of stuff we really could've used during the invasion." He pointed and let them bring up all those shrank boxes. Xander had one piece of small artillery left and it wasn't much beyond a heavy powered rifle. And the Gatling gun he had behind the barn for taking bad moods out on some wood.

Gibbs looked it over, shaking his head. "It works."

"Yes it does. I put a huge chunk of wood out there and blow the hell out of it some days," Xander quipped. "It's helpful."

Steve patted him on the arm. "That's easier than doing target rounds." Xander nodded, heading back toward the house. They all heard the heavy engine and someone tried to ram the house but Xander had a forcefield of some sort built in front of it that responded to a keychain remote. "Where did you get that?" he asked as Gibbs and Tony ran out to stop the idiots in the pickup truck.

"I stole one from the old base and retuned it to cover the house." He shrugged. "Not that hard."

Steve took it to look over. He waited until the truck was turned off to bring it down so he could look at the generator itself. "We could use that."

Tony looked over. "Yes we should be using it instead of bars." The State Police officer that was stationed nearby huffed but came to pick these yahoos up too. "Trying to run through his house, Lieutenant." He grinned. "Xander's not going to put up with that."

"They all think he's demonic because the local doctor doesn't see him," he said, looking at Xander.

Xander shrugged. "She's creepy and a flesh eater." The lieutenant flinched, shaking his head. "Doctor Sarah? Yeah she is. And yes, you can tell them I did get exposed to demon blood when I was a demon hunter for four years. I have a grand total of two chromosomes of fish demon taint." The guy slumped, staring at him. "If they hate it that much, they should probably have the stupid hunting group in the next county that they sell their yearly deer to move too. Mine barely shows on a DNA test. They're fully ones."

"Crap. How long have you known that?"

Xander smiled at him. "Lieutenant, I was born and raised in Sunnydale on that hellmouth. I helped a slayer hunt for four years before that brain tumor brought me down. And that was given to me by that military group out there that I sent people to bust." He pointed at Gibbs and Tony. The guy moaned. "I was Buffy's backup warrior. Though, fuck her because she's a horrible friend. The ones in town who are panicking are idiots. They know damn well I only handle ones that are causing problems. And most vampires if I catch one." The lieutenant walked off calling someone.

Xander looked at the two yahoos. "You two are just part of that purity group in the next country on the other side. Pity about you being racist assholes but I don't do for your kind. I'd rather have ten thousand peaceful demons than ten of you. At least they're decent beings with morals and ethics." They tried to move. "And if you try to attack me again, I get to go use alllll the stuff I learned from years of demon hunting to hunt all of you down and blow you the fuck up.

"You're not nearly as hard as a huge demon snake that would've been bigger than a football field." He gave them a pointed look as they shrank away from him. "Got it?" One nodded, looking away from him. "Good!" He smiled. "Then I won't have another of these. Because if I go missing the rest of my stuff, especially my pictures from a friend I lost, I'll still kill you all. Every last one of you. Including any wives that you've included. Though I have no doubt you probably had to brainwash them into loving you. Most women aren't as full of hate as you are. Now, you guys have a nice life and I hope some nice people will pray for you. I'd do that but the higher powers hate me for warping prophecies. Though the Goddess might forgive you for dirtying her creation." One was about to cry. He looked at the lieutenant, who was staring at him. "She probably would."

"Maybe. You're not Christian, kid?"

"No. Because no God like that would've let kids like me suffer the way I did before and after I found demon hunting." He gave him a pointed look. "I tried. It failed me." The lieutenant grimaced. "Sorry but not my way. I may swear to him now and then, and he's probably happy to get anything positive from me. Unfortunately, demon hunters are overseen by other higher powers. The Powers That Be are over the slayers and most of the hunters. They think they want a true balance between good and evil and we're all pawns." He smiled. "I'm *so* going to go introduce them to reality some day soon." The lieutenant shuddered. "Exactly. The one that was here earlier? She's one of their mouthpieces. And my ex-girlfriend."

"Damn you're not normal."

"No, but then again I had to weed out the radiation I had from the damn hellmouth out there. Radiation sickness sucks."

"I figure it does." He hauled those two guys with him and had someone come pick up the pickup truck.

Xander looked at the staring people, shrugging some. "It means they really want to leave me alone. Miss Clara, the local librarian keeps trying to pray for me. I should see if Cordy would like to tell her why." He walked off again. "Let me go protect my stuff since I can feel magic building and it feels like dark magic." He took the portal generator inside and set it around his special stuff. He threw a few more things inside the bubble when he felt the magical being appear. He got one last thing in before someone tried to attack the house but Steve slapped the living fuck out of Willow and made her stop it.

"Thank you," he called. He decided to make tea. They'd have others here soon. Probably that coven. Yup, he could feel more magic building and brought out the tea pot and mugs. "Sorry, no real tea cups out here. I'm a guy. I only serve tea for formal things," he told the staring witches. "Are you guys going to finally stop her from trying to burn me because I didn't get with her plan to have an owner who abused me? Or how she started soulmates for everyone?"

They stared at him. He grinned and waved. "Hi, I'm Xander." One of them slumped. "Yeah, exactly. This is the third time she's tried to burn me to death. Frankly, I'm going to let it rebound next time," he said, glaring at Willow. Then he smiled at the witches again. "Tea? I just brewed it." He let them get some tea and got more cups since Tony and Steve could use some too. He came out to sit on his house's stairs. "Anyway, what's her malfunction this time?"

"She said you've broken the wish she cast at you to make you better," one said.

"Um, no. I don't have a soulmate. Never have that I can tell. If I did, he was probably the friend that died when we were in tenth grade. Which was how soulmates got spread into the rest of humanity, looking for mine." He looked at Willow then at them. "Then again the PTB hate me for warping their playing field to make sure humanity won and they had more light than balance. Heard from one of their mouthpieces earlier about that actually." He sipped his tea. "Oh, Willow, Cordelia said hi. She's working with Whistler." He looked at the appearing messenger. "I can go get you some water, Whistler. I'm out of tea."

"No thanks, Harris." He looked at Willow. "You've gone so dark the Powers That Be think you're the next great evil."

"No, I knocked her out when she nearly went there when Tara died," Xander said. "Before I escorted Tara to her safe eternal spot." He sipped his tea again. "Though, can we switch them so Willow went and we kept Tara?"

"Don't tempt them, kid. They wanted her to do that so she'd have to call all the slayers to fight that invasion and other problems." Willow moaned, shaking her head.

"Yeah but that would've meant that over two-thirds of all the potentials, little girls, would've been killed horrifically," Xander said. "Fuck that idea. I'm not into that. Though I might have not minded when the First Evil blew up the Council itself, I won't let the potentials be done that way."

"You weren't ascended."

Xander smiled. "That meant that they couldn't try to make me not interfere, Whistler. I was nicely in between while out of my body and spent a lot of time on the astral plane. Have you ever been?" The balance demon slowly shook his head. "It's like you're standing on a glowing cobweb inside a navy blue space with light amounts of sparkly spots but there's puddles of portals that show you limited events." Whistler stared, mouth open. Xander smiled. "It took me a month to get off the astral plane. Of course I looked at some of the puddles. I saw how some of them connected to me and worked to get some things eased. Like that Initiative mess that I had to get help to stop. Or O'Neill's outing."

"They're still saying that's evil of them to deal with the aliens," one of the witches said, looking at him oddly.

Xander rolled his head to look at her. "Evil would've been letting them come through to treat us as slaves again. Like they did in Egypt."

"I remember someone had a theory about that," the lead witch said, sipping her tea. "Very nice blend, young man."

"Thank you. I find it nice after I've been meditating too long." He smiled. "That guy works on O'Neill's project. He was right." The witch moaned, shaking her head. "They fought them first. Then they turned on a machine and found another enemy. And one in a further galaxy that eats people." He grinned. "But not their bodies. Just their energies."

"Crap," the last witch muttered. "I saw one of them during my own meditation. Eats through things on their hands."

"Yup. That's O'Neill's people fighting them," Xander said. "And they took down the Initiative for everyone. With Gibbs and Tony's help," he said with a point and a grin. "That way they could be arrested." He looked at Willow then at them again. "Isn't she on probation?" They nodded. "Then why is she being allowed to try to burn me and my things?"

"She's not," the lead witch noted. Xander pointed and the fire behind them went out. The wood was repaired by magic as well. She glared at Willow. "What are you doing?"

"He's profaning my wish!" she shouted, trying to get up to her knees. "You have a protector somewhere!"

"No, I don't. And I don't need one, Willow. I may not be as strong as I was before I went down to their brain tumor drugs, but I'm still pretty strong overall. I'm back to working construction again. I've actually started to get my life on track. I've made friends, until the battle happened."

"You weren't there," she sneered.

"He was there," Steve told her. "He was followed on national news because they realized he had a clue what he was doing with that axe and swords of his. They did a good twenty minutes of following him fighting the battle, Willow. Then the military showed up so they switched to them and did a more broad look at the area. It's all over the news channels and youtube." He looked at the witches. "Does she have a brain tumor?"

"We had her checked," the last witch admitted. "She's jealous."

"She's stuck," Xander corrected. "She's stuck back in high school. She has to have the attention on her and only her because that means that she's worth something." He looked at her. "That's why you made my car explode in Oxnard. You thought I'd come home sooner. Instead I ended up stripping a lot." She dry heaved. "It was fun sometimes. I got to dick tease a few different arms dealers." He finished his tea and put the mug down. "I found out I was bi then too. I had a whole lot of fun and learned a lot from the other guys dancing there. Most of them had worse lives than we did but I did learn a lot about people and personal strength from them."

"Did six weeks undercover as one," Tony quipped. "You do learn a lot about humanity and it's not the happy parts." Xander nodded that was true. "You really stripped?"

"I mostly worked in the kitchen but we had people who came in late or left early or just didn't show up so I did more than a few turns. I asked and the guys helped me learn what rhythm was. I froze my first two times and got pity drinks, and the arms dealer. Then they helped me and I did a lot better. I got more than pity drink sales. And that arms dealer. And a serial killer." He grinned a tiny bit. "Great tipper. Wanted me to be his helper to his Hannibal Lector." Gibbs choked, walking off shaking his head. "Sorry, Gibbs." He looked at Tony. "Is Sergeant Wallace still around?"

"Probably," he said. "I'll check when we get back to the office." Tony stared at him. "How did you get his attention?"

"I draw bad boys and girls," he quipped with a grin. "My last one was the sort that tinkered with animals to do genetic testing and the like."

"Eww," Steve said. "Necessary but yuck." He sipped his tea, looking at the cup. "That is a nice blend." Xander grinned. "I'm finding that I don't meditate a lot but I can get out of my body easier now."

"Too many new injuries?" Xander guessed. Steve nodded that was a probability. "Tony?"

"It's not hard for me once I figured out how to do it on my own. I just need a nap afterwards. I wear myself out doing that. I found how to play six degrees of separation to find the guy that's going to cause a lot of problems soon." He looked at Steve. "We have a Mossad guy showing up soon who's actually a traitor."

"Ari?" he asked. Tony nodded. "I'm so sorry. We weren't allowed to take him down and out when my SEAL team ran into him. He was considered an information asset."

"Great. Well, we're going to have to try. He's coming for Gibbs."

"That really sucks," Steve said. "If I'm near there, ask for my help." Tony smiled and nodded. He looked at Xander. "You don't go after those sort, right?"

"No, I tend to get bought drugged drinks by those sort and end up in their beds. It's a pity but that sort don't believe in anyone else's pleasure. It'd be great if a few of them believed I'd like to get off too. They won't even hand job me."

"That is horribly rude," Tony agreed. Gibbs was still moaning. "Did you ask them?"

"They said I'm there to make them happy, not myself. Which means I usually rob them when I get tired of dealing with them and walk off." Steve moaned, staring at him. He grinned. "I have a filing cabinet in there of their stuff if she didn't burn it." Steve went to find it. Tony followed, taking Xander's mug with him to put into the kitchen. Xander looked at the witches. "What are you going to do with her?"

"The slayer needs her help," the lead witch admitted. "She's horribly upset right now."

"Yeah, the same people that gave me the brain tumor gave her mom hers."

"They needed stopped," the lead witch said.

"Which is why I asked Gibbs and O'Neill," Xander quipped with a smirk. "They handled it where I couldn't help handle it. And stomped them a lot while respecting the demon communities."

"It was a good job they did," the lead witch agreed. "I have no idea what to do with her."

"Well, when she showed up I knew it was her by the dark magic," Xander said. "She's full of dark magic. Hellmouth and blood magic. I don't know why she's got blood magic taint though."

The witches walked over to test her. The backup witch moaned, swatting the girl. "You have disappointed us horribly, Willow, and Tara's memory. Would she have liked you to do this?" She swatted her again. The witches shared a look. "We will be binding her and sending her home. Are you staying here, Harris?"

"I probably shouldn't but I have a mortgage."

"That makes sense. Perhaps you can do something about it." They took Willow with them. The boy was nicer than they were led to expect by the Council.

Xander looked at Whistler. "Will that help Buffy?"

"A swift kick might help her more," he said more quietly, walking closer. "You could go back."

"No, I can't." Xander stared at him. "I hate having to weed out the radiation I gathered from the hellmouth. Radiation sickness sucks ass, Whistler. Also...yeah, I might be willing to help save the planet. Not with her. She didn't visit me a single time and nagged me when my treatments knocked me down for a few patrol nights because it meant she had to do more work that she discounted me doing anyway. Friends don't rip you apart that way."

"No, they don't. The Powers weren't watching over your little group."

"I noticed. They were playing ahead into the next decade." He nodded. "They only noticed that we had changed things during graduation from what I could tell. They were horrified Buffy was still alive and went looking. I got flashes of it that night."

"Yeah, they were." He stared at the boy. "You might be considered in the way."

"I will bring weapons up there to say hi," he said bluntly then smiled. "I'm sure they'd love to see where their inattention got them mixed up. I mean, they didn't see Buffy and Angel either."

"No, they didn't and it confused them."

"That's because beings who don't know love can't ever be humane. Or human." Xander stood up. "They can quit sending the panicking sort too, Whistler. I can and will go back to my out-of-body state to mess with things that need it. It's easier now than it was before." He grinned slightly. "I have the knack for finding screwed up things and helping straighten them out."

"We saw. Can you stay out of it?"

"I'm down to self protection." He shrugged. "Not much for me to handle right now."

"Yeah, I get that, kid. All right, I'll let them know. The ascendeds might complain."

"Yup, they tried that and I pointed out I wasn't one of them. I was basically ghosting around." He grinned. "Atlantis is really pretty by the way." Whistler let out a moan that made Gibbs stare at them. "You can tell them I said that." He nodded, disappearing. Xander settled down to wait on the next attack. A local demon appeared and stomped up to him. "Welcome," he said in a demon trade tongue.

The demon stared at him. "You are not a hunter," he sneered.

"I'm Xander," he said with a smirk. "I used to back up the slayer in Sunnydale."

"He died."

"No, I was out of my body for a long time but I survived the brain tumor the Initiative gave me to get me out of their way." He shrugged but grinned slightly. "Of course I helped end them."

The demon stared at him. "You are not him."

"I am him." He pulled out his wallet and old ID, letting him see it and the pictures he still carried. "See?"

The demon stared, wincing at what he saw. "Oh, dear." Xander nodded. "We worried you were a hunter."

"Only if I find someone being violent towards others. I don't care and welcome the peaceful and nice ones. I've always been that way. I leave the peaceful alone."

"I welcome that distinction." He shook Xander's hand and went back to their little clearing. "He is the White Knight. He showed me his old license." They groaned. "He said he openly welcomed the peaceful but we have made ourselves a problem. Thankfully he has some humor still."

"We heard he was dead," one of their people said.

"He said the Torturing Ones gave him a brain tumor and he had been out of his body but alive," the first demon said. They all moaned. They would sent him a letter of apology and help him protect the grounds from the yahoo sort that would bother them all. It was very fair of them to do that since he hadn't taken them all out for trying to harm him. Or helped the Red Witch when she tried to harm him.

Xander looked at the agent that was driving up the driveway. "There's the great sneering one, Gibbs." He looked at Steve. "If I could get those unshrunk and working again it'd be a lot of great help."

"I'd still have to confiscate it," Steve said smugly.

Xander pointed behind him. "You sure?" The three agents and one SEAL looked over at the fields and Xander waved. "You're in the wrong part of my land, dude," he called. "I know your kind's not peaceful or harmless." The demon grunted and threw something at him. The protections held. Xander sighed as he got up and went to get his axe. He heard someone shoot at it. "It grows with each metal based injury unless it's silver," he called. He came out with his axe and dove in to kill the thing. It wasn't that hard to kill. It just stunk. He panted once he was done. "I'm still out of shape. This sucks."

Gibbs stared at him. "You lasted the whole battle yesterday."

"Yeah because you've got to. You can't just lay down and nap during a battle, Gibbs." He gave him a funny look. "Difference between a battle and a fight."

Tony nodded. "That's true. Battles you keep going because you have to," Steve agreed. "Then you usually have clean up and/or debriefing times before you get a rest. I've fallen asleep during a few debriefs and got my butt chewed like there wasn't going to be a tomorrow."

"I did sniper duty," Gibbs admitted. "The few battles I was in, I was exhausted by the end but he's right, you have to keep going when it's necessary. Kid, gym time?"

"I was working construction. I never had gym time before. I grew stamina in high school by jumping in. And a few bad girlfriends."

"Damn," Tony muttered, shaking his head. He looked at the staring agent. "Agreement?"

"How did he know how to do that?"

"I was helping the slayer in my former hometown," Xander said dryly. "She needed it so it wasn't one cheerleader saving humanity. Then I got a brain tumor thanks to some torturing little fucks in the army." Gibbs handed over the agreement after reading it. "Why do they want medical checks?"

"To make sure it doesn't come back like Mrs. Summers' did," Tony said more quietly. "I can't promise treatment but they might like the samples to test on."

"My doc put out a journal article about mine and Joyce's tumors since they hadn't been seen before and were caused." He looked at Gibbs, who nodded he had seen it. "Too bad mine had been too far gone then. There's days I think this is some sort of alternate dream world inside my coma."

"There's days I'd like it to be that way because it meant that the messed up things weren't reality," Tony said, patting him on the arm. He looked the agreement over. "Gibbs, they seriously rewrote what they agreed on during that meeting. There's no treatment clause. There's actually a clause that says if he needs treatment he's to be ignored."

Gibbs took it back to look over, walking off calling someone. "Sir. I'm going to read you the agreement that got handed to Mr. Harris." He read it as he walked around the house to check it. He paused at one point. "Harris, you have fanged bunnies back here," he yelled. "Living in a shadow."

"Yeah, I know I have a vampire bunny, Gibbs. I think she was pregnant too. I was going to see if anyone wanted them."

"Okay." He went back to reading as he walked. The secretary of the navy was not pleased. He was choking and spluttering saying that's not what they had agreed on. "I'm out here, sir, with DiNozzo and a SEAL Harris met once. Yes, that one. We've already handled the attacks on his house today. Please do. The agent that brought this sneered at him and is still sneering at him, sir. Thank you." He hung up and walked back to the front. "He'll send out the real one that wasn't tampered with," Gibbs said.

The agent glared at him. "He's...."

"A combat vet from saving people's lives," Tony said firmly, glaring at the little toad. "We fucked up his life in a merciless way and we should pay for doing that to him since the army decided he was in their way to torture beings."

"Maybe they should be!" the agent sneered.

Xander pulled out a gun, pointing it at him. "I loathe bigots. I don't know if you were part of their little group or just a silent supporter but I'll be damned and you're trespassing now. This is your only warning, boy. I've saved the earth. Twice now. And helped a few other times. You...." He shook his head. "You'd better be thankful you aren't in hell for being a hypocrite to your supposed faith. Now shoo, before I hit your car and make you hike home." The agent glared and reached for his cuffs. Xander shot the car's engine. "Oops, looks like you'll have to walk." The agent tried to hit him and Xander fought him down and smirked down at him. "Hi."

"Let him go, Harris," Gibbs ordered. "You can't harm the idiots even if they are idiots."

"He attacked me, Gibbs. That means he's the issue, not me. And if they arrest me for it, I'm going to tell everyone *everything* I know. Including how you look an awful lot like one of those scientists that got busted for pulling sentient beings apart to torture and play with them." The man was glaring but didn't say anything. "That's fine. I can ask the demon courts if they'll charge you for me." The guy was trying to get away now. "Aww, you're afraid of the demon courts. Why is that? Are you a partial demon?" The agent tried to hit him again but Steve stepped on his hand and shook his head. "I can handle it." He grinned at Steve. "I could use some stress relief." He glared at the agent.

"Harris," Gibbs warned. "Get off him. Now. You can't attack agents."

"Gibbs, everyone has the right of self defense," Xander quipped. He did get off the guy. "Be damned if I'm going to give up my right to self defense." He glared at the guy. "Especially a sneering little boy like this one." The agent smirked and pulled out his cuffs. Tony pulled out his. "No, Tony, go ahead. I can easily sell my story." He smirked. "That would out a lot of things that they'd hate to see in the press, little boy. Are you even an agent?"

Tony took a picture of the guy's face and badge. "Nope. He's not," he said when he got an answer back. "Abby said he's related to a hate group, boss. Fornell hasn't answered yet but ... no there his is." He opened it. "Not an agent." Gibbs took Tony's cuffs to arrest the guy. "Any idea who he really is with, Xander?"

"NID probably. They're the only ones who'd want samples of me. They showed up to get one while I was down. Tried to talk the doctor into doing brain surgery on me to remove the tumor. It would've caused more complications so he had them thrown out of the hospital and had the hospital's lawyer go after them." He looked at Tony. "They didn't offer enough money for the hospital to forget it had ethics." He looked at the guy again. "You know, I can show you how to get out of your body too. Then you can do what I did." The guy backed up, but Steve held him in place. "You're good at that, Steve." He grinned. "Some day you're going to have a lot of fun doing that."

"I'm going to be arresting people?" Xander nodded. "I got downgraded to an MP?"

"Remember the blond guy I showed you? Wrapped up in that."

"Oh. Okay. Is he nice?"

"Kinda. He seemed okay when I went to introduce it. That you two don't shoot each other at first sight. It was pretty close so I arranged that."

"Uh-huh. Okay. I'll trust that. But I'd like an explanation."

Xander stared at him. "You can get up there still. It won't make you happy. It'll piss you off. A lot. It'll make you hurt too."

"Point." He walked off sighing to consider that idea. Yeah, he wanted to know.

Xander looked at Tony. "It will be why he's hunting the guys down," he sighed, sitting down. "That's one of those that if he doesn't, he's screwed. If he does, he's screwed."

"Yeah, we had that with Kate," Tony said, patting him on the back. "You told us all there's things we won't be able to change." Xander nodded. "That's probably his."

Steve came back, staring at them. "Why?"

"Why what?" Tony asked.

"Why would it make me hurt? Or would I be setting it off?"

"Someone you're already looking for is going to go after your dad," Xander said. "You're already hunting him. It had been five years of hunting him at that time." He stared at him. "I don't know how you'd be able to stop that."

Steve took a centering breath. "Damn it."

"Yeah." Xander nodded. "And I can't change it. I couldn't see how to change it."

"I need to go see that." He went to Xander's meditation room. Xander came in to help him out of his body faster so he could see that portal puddle. It was darker this time but still pretty clear. He stared at it at the end. Then he looked at Xander. "It's dark."

"It's very dark and the more dark the less able to be changed. I wanted to. I don't know how."

"I...maybe I can figure out how." He hugged the boy, getting one back. "Thank you for the warning."

"I had to give Tony one too," he admitted. "One of his teammates is going to fall to a psychotic fuck named Ari."

"I know about Ari." They went back to their bodies and he went to talk to Gibbs. "I've tracked Ari in the past but was told to leave him alone because he's an intelligence asset."

Gibbs stared at him. "Why do I need to know?"

"Because he's going to come after the team, Gibbs," Tony said, looking at him. "How bad? Can he be stopped?"

"I don't know. I would hope so since he's starting a cell in the US."

Tony nodded. "I saw in ours that he got into the building and took hostages and then later shot Kate."

Gibbs stiffened, staring at him. "Kate got shot?"

"Yeah. She was going to be the tipping point to make you hurt, Gibbs. We got things solved and thought we had protected her enough then at the end of a mission, he ...well, head shot while we were looking at each other." He cleared his throat. "I've been trying to stop that one."

Gibbs nodded. "I can agree with that. I need to know details." Tony and Steve settled in to talk about Ari and that scene. When an actual agent got out there with the faxed over copies of the agreement, Gibbs went to talk to the boy. Xander was still angry and no one blamed him for that, but he had to calm down and lay lower.

***

Xander showed up at a sneaky battle, taking down one of the aliens that was trying to cause problems. "Hi." He grinned at him. "How're you?" The other aliens tried to attack him and a few tried to shoot him. The slight graze wasn't that bad. Two more aliens fell to him. Then O'Neill's people got there. Xander waved and disappeared. O'Neill could handle this part. He was getting his bandages out when a soldier knocked on his motel room door. He opened it, staring at him. "I don't know you. Are you fun?"

The soldier stared at him. "General O'Neill wanted to talk to you, sir."

"I'm here. He can show up."

"That's not how it usually works." Xander grabbed his drink and went with the soldier for now. He did bring him to O'Neill. "Sir, as requested, one guy who jumped in."

O'Neill looked at Harris, who was sipping his fast food drink. "Did you have to do that? It got more attention."

"They were already drawing attention by making people sick. That eased it until you guys could get there since you had been held up by the power of politics."

"Good point. Did you foresee that?"

"The other day. I apparently now have visions. They're *charming*," he said dryly with a slight smirk. "Not only a migraine but pictures!"

"Eww." He looked him over. "You good, Harris?"

"Small graze. A few bruises. I was going to treat my graze. I took extra time to get back to the motel so no one would follow me."

"Someone told us where you were," the soldier said smugly.

"Yeah, I'm in the possession of a reputation," Xander complained. "Some people watch me." He took another drink. "Problems, General?"

"Not yet. Yours?"

"Only if someone thinks this is a good idea."

"Point. Go back home, Harris. We have it."

"No you don't. There's more coming tonight." O'Neill straightened up to stare at him. "And they're going to gather friends among the less than peaceful demons who want some power back." He finished his drink and tossed it out. "It's not going to be any prettier."

"We can handle that," O'Neill promised. "Even if we do have to behead things."

Xander smiled. "Including the ones that're going to bother your city when she lands later?"

"Crap. I forgot about that." Xander grinned. "Did you talk to them?"

"Yeah. For a few minutes. And I told one young woman that she could be great some day."

"Okay," O'Neill said. "We can handle that. I'll alert the city about that attack. We'll handle here. You only jump in if you must. You're a civilian."

"There's other demon hunters, General. We're all mostly civilians but we get it done."

"Yeah but this time it's my job and if I run into any of the other hunters I'll thank them and tell them that we can handle most of these things but to jump in whenever they need to, just like I am you." He grinned. "Besides, my doctors are interested in your brain."

"Eww."

"Huge needles. Would love to scan you for that," Jack O'Neill said smugly. Xander grimaced. "Shoo. Only jump in tonight if you have to." Xander nodded, getting taken back by that soldier. He looked at the people around him. "He reminds me of a younger me."

"Yes he does," Sam Carter agreed dryly. "In many bad ways, sir."

"Shuddup," he said sarcastically. "Someone warn Atlantis."

"Did," Sam said. "I sent an email. They're close enough to get satellite based communications."

"Good." He looked at the others. "Let's finish this problem."

"Sir, the fence gateway is reporting NID people demanding to be let in," one guard called.

"Denied. I don't want them to do the same thing in a few weeks and us to have to shoot them. You can quote me."

Daniel got a flinch of feeling. "Get Harris back here to protect him, people. NID wants him for testing." Jack waved a hand and that soldier got told to come back with him. Xander complained he needed his bag from his motel room. So the soldier let him get it and his weapons then brought him back. Jack looked over as Xander was walked in. "NID."

"They tried when I was in the coma but they didn't offer money to the hospital to look the other way," Xander said dryly. "And tried the other day." He put his pack down and came over to point. "You're going to have to drop this point. I'll take that area to make sure they don't get there?"

Jack looked. "If we pull in, that would be a good spot. We'll send any civilians we find trying to help there." Xander nodded. "Sit and rest in a corner for now, kid."

"Sure. Thanks for protecting me." He settled in with his pack as a pillow.

Jack looked at his people. "That's one place we'd have to pull back from to protect the center. Let's get some others there to handle that edge." He pointed at it on the map. "This area." Carter got them another unit to hit that area.

***

Xander looked at his phone about an hour after the battle had finished. "Hey," he said, trying to sound chipper. "I'm fine. Yes I am fine. I know they had guns and I had my battle axe," he said patiently. The soldiers in the medical tent all winced at that, a few shaking their heads.

"Your wife?" the nurse treating him asked with a smile.

"He's spluttering and choking. He's a SEAL I helped. He's nagging. I know, but I did all right, the same as usual. Sure, you rant and all that. I'll talk to you sometime soon I'm sure." He hung up on the renewed complaint. He got a 'you're in deep shit' from an unknown number and answered back he never dug latrines so he probably wasn't. Then he put his phone back and went back to helping bandage his few injuries. "I'm okay," he told the nurse.

"And I believe that just like I believe the general's actually a twelve-year-old hockey junkie," the nurse quipped, cracking up the nearby soldiers. "The general said we were going to take care of your injuries."

"Yeah but I'm not in the military, dear. I don't take orders."

"I do and he gave me permission to knock you out." She got back to tidying up his injuries until the doctor came over to scan him. Xander stared at the machine. "It's very handy."

"It's very Stark Trek," he quipped. "And I'm not Scotty. I'm not an engineer." He stared at the pretty doctor. "Though I know you covet parts of me, Doc, can't you covet all that I am instead of just tiny pieces."

She stared at him. "Nice try, kid."

"I'm well above age, Doctor." He grinned. "I'm a good boy, usually."

"I'm sure you are but no flirting today. Flirt when we're not coming down off an emergency."

"No, that's when the city lands." She stared at him. "Visions. Suck," he said with a nod and a slightly insane looking smile. "Really a whole lot."

"I'm sure they would." She scanned his brain. "You have lesions."

"I had a brain tumor."

"Oh, all right." She kept scanning him, frowning at something. "You have an energy build up."

"My former town has a portal to multiple dimensions. Radiation sickness isn't much better than visions." Sam Carter flinched, staring at him. He grinned and waved. "It's under the former high school library and why we used to have so much work for patrols." He grinned at the doctor. "So can I disappear before the press people show up again?"

"Too late on that, Mr. Harris." She frowned as she read something. "You have some very unusual readings."

"Like from when I was out of my body?" he asked, staring at her.

"I... You're the one that taught that to Doctor Jackson." He grinned and nodded. "Good! We appreciated them taking that down." He hugged her. "Thank you. Please get off. No hugging on duty, Mr. Harris." He let her go and let her admire his insides for a bit longer. "Can we run some tests to make sure you're healthy?"

"No thanks. I'm really tired of hospitals."

"I'm sure you are but I'd like to scan those lesions."

"Baltimore took some when those same assholes tried to cover up their bad ideas and burned a motel."

"I can get those to compare. I'm not so sure you're not regrowing that tumor," she said quietly, staring at him. He blinked at her. "Please?"

"You can get the records to compare it to."

"Can we do bloodwork?"

"You can but you can't let it get out of your hands. Personally. I really hate beating NID people."

"Okay, I can agree with that." The nurse got her the kit she needed and she took blood samples and another few scans of his brain and back area. "I'll have the general put me in touch with you within a week." He nodded and hopped off the bed, going to find his axe and pack. He took it from the soldiers staring at it and his pack so he could repack it then he left, slinking into the shadows. She took those back personally. Everyone else had pretty standard injuries and they had a small lull until the city docked and their injured got sent over.

***

Cordelia showed up to Xander that night. "You're going in the wrong direction. You need to head west, not east."

"I still have to pack stuff."

"Why didn't you bring it with you?" she demanded. "We warned you!"

"I have at least three weeks, Cordelia. It's fine."

"It's not! They moved it up. They can burn you out tonight."

"They won't," he said, staring at her. "Even if they do, they're in for a really rude awakening." She stared at him. "I have most everything out of the house and in storage."

"Which probably got burned down earlier."

"I doubt it since it's on a PODS truck." She blinked. He grinned. "Those shipping pods? Yeah. If you seriously want me to move to Hawaii, it has to go that way."

"Oh. I didn't realize that. What did you leave?"

"A few pictures. My journal. They said they got everything but my bedside table onto the container. It had those things and a few other things." She winced. "They had been in my desk but I moved them so I could grab them."

"I..." She looked that way. "They're not safe and they're probably going to lost within a few hours."

"Or I could do something stupid and go call in a poker debt," he said dryly. She moaned. "Which I already have." He picked up his stuff and repacked his bag, going to get that lift from that portal making guy. He got a nod and went back there. Yep, he could hear the local yahoo hate group. He got what he wanted and a few other things that had been left. They had left his meditation room alone. Great. Well, he had some room left in his two bags. He did a fast search, finding the miniaturized weapons and his spare swords. They wouldn't fit. So he'd take one of them's trucks into town.

Or he'd hide out there in the barn and film it. That might be better. He did call the fire department and saved that call to make sure it wouldn't get erased until he wanted it to. Then he took film of what they were doing. A few came near him but they decided the old barn was just a wreck. A few smirked his way, giving him great shots of them. When they were finally stopped by the fire department showing up half an hour later, he decided he was going to the state police instead of the locals. Or maybe someone FBI. After all, he was filming the local cops helping arsonists.

A few more came toward the barn and he backed into the shadows but they decided they could knock it down with pickup trucks later, when it was clear so they couldn't hurt their trucks. They even posted a guard. How cute of them. Xander shook his head, uncovering his ancient motorbike he had found online and had been fixing up. His bags went into the sidecar. The guards drifted off into an alcoholic sleep after a few hours so Xander could leave. Though not quietly, that bike was loud.

They flinched awake and he smiled and waved as he drove past them. They tried to follow but he threw down spikes and got their tires. One managed to drive on a bit longer but he also had an acid grenade and the driver hated his truck's windshield being eaten by it. He headed to the next biggest town, going to their police department. A few of the officers stared at him in horror. He grinned. "And I got them on film," he told one. "Where's your internal affairs person please?" A shaky hand pointed. "Thanks." He walked that way. The office was clearly marked. He knocked and a guy opened the door. "I have film of some of your officers and my former town's officers burning down my house. Would you like to view it before I take it to the state PD?"

"Please," he said. Xander walked in and showed him the film. He had already saved down another copy of it to his SD card. And he had sent one to an online file service with an email to Tony to download it fast. He grimaced. "Why were you there, sir?"

"That was my house." He stared at him. "I'm going to be calling my insurance agent in a minute too." He smiled and pointed. "Getting to the good point. The fire department's ten minutes from my house. They had to come out once when I was burning an old couch I found that had a lot of bugs."

The officer kept watching, wincing at what he saw. "What do you intend to do with this?"

"Well, I intended for people who do your sort of job to actually do your job but if you won't." He took the phone back. "By the way, it's already on youtube." The guy flinched, shaking his head. Xander smiled. "I'm a CYA sorta guy. I grew up in a town dirtier than you'll ever be in. Now, would you like me to send you a copy so you can do something or should I just go to my insurance agent and then a reporter?"

"I..."

"Sure. I get that. One's probably related to you with the way things happen around here." He stood up and walked out. He bike was booted so he used the tiny bit of magic he had to unlock it and tossed it back onto the steps of the police station, giving one a pointed look. "You have fun now, ya hear? It's on youtube." The guy flinched away from him. Xander got onto his bike and drove off, going to the local news station that liked to follow him around. He found the reporters getting into a van. "Want to be useful this time instead of stalking me?" he called. She looked over and her mouth fell open.

He waved her over, getting into the saved copy of that file. "It didn't save down the last five minutes but I doubt you need it." He let her see it but not hold the phone. She swallowed hard. "I tried to tell the local IAD guy. He wanted to know what he was supposed to do with that. Apparently the law around here is just as crooked as it was where I grew up," he finished sarcastically, glaring at the officer speeding toward them.

He took her pen and wrote down something. "It's there." He kicked the bike into life and headed off. The officer ran up to the reporter to threaten her but she was running for the station. She got inside and they guarded her while she downloaded the file. Her supervisor came out to see what was so important and had a hissy fit about their PD and the next town's department. That went right up on their website and they taped a story immediately. Just in case they tried to stop her from telling people.

***

Xander found a version of his insurance agent's office in the town he paused for lunch in, going to them first instead of eating. "Hey. I have a farm a few states over and taped the people burning it down last night. Unfortunately a few of them were officers." She winced. "Can I show you? That way I can start a claim and start selling it?"

"Sure, sir. Do you know your policy number?" Xander got into his phone's contact list, he had saved it with the number for calling in. He showed her. She typed it in and nodded. "I do see you do have a farm with us and someone filed a report that you set fire to it." He let her see the file, even letting her copy it off his SD card. "No, that's not you doing arson, is it? That was covered by a news station."

"That I told," he said with a grin. "They tried to threaten the reporter too."

"She's in the ER after a suspicious car crash."

He winced. "I didn't think they'd go that far."

"Me either." She sent an email to her head office about that claim. Including a copy of that file. Her supervisor got back to her while they filled out forms. "The local agent there said he was not part of that and had not filled that form out. They had went to another one."

"I knew he was honest. I wasn't going to make him go against those that he probably grew up with."

"That's decent." She sent back that reason and her supervisor agreed. "I have the name of a realtor there."

"That's probably who put in the file," Xander said dryly. "They're an agent of insurance too. That's who I asked about various insurance policies before I went with you guys."

"Yes, their name is on the file." She found another realtor there. They hung up on her when she introduced herself. She found another one in that bigger town. "This is Madeline Eillbrich with Progressive. I have a young man in my office who is filing a claim after some local idiots burned his farm. He's wanting to sell to move somewhere safer. Yes, that farm."

"It's on youtube," Xander quipped. "I put it on there after giving the reporter an online site where I had a copy saved."

"He said it's on youtube." She waited while that realtor looked it up and winced at what she said. "He is."

"Everyone's suggested I move to Hawaii," Xander quipped with a grin. "Grow my own food, all that. My stuff was already being moved that way because they were getting pushy and forceful about it and I was going to put my farm up for sale in a few days. I just moved my timetable up. Though most of the town knew that. I put it in the local paper a few days back so it should be in today's edition. They knew I was coming back yesterday because I had my mail held at the local post office while I was in Colorado."

The insurance agent said that and agreed she could list it. They faxed the paperwork there and he signed it and the insurance claim forms. They got sent where they needed to and Xander went to lunch after shaking her hand and thanking her.

Xander was eating when two officers stomped in and over to him. "I had nothing to do with them, Officer. I just reported it and other dirty ones decided to join them. Including an internal affair's person." He ate another bite then sipped his drink. "I have the file on youtube. It shows the local PD and other militant yahoos there burning my house down. I couldn't easily slip past them so I taped it from the old barn." He put down things and looked at them. "Are they trying to blame me for more things?"

"That reporter had a wreck."

"I left that town once I showed it to her and gave her the file download address because the local officers there were showing up to threaten her." One winced. The other glared. Xander pulled out his phone and got into the file, showing him. "It wasn't me."

"We can have that file pulled."

"I have a few friends who have copies now," Xander said. "I'm not that stupid. I grew up in a town so dirty they made up death reports and assault cases." The glaring officer moved his hand to his gun. "You know, there's at least five other camera phones in here, Officer," he said quietly. "You can arrest me if you want but I can guarantee I'll be outing them all over the world."

"You can remove things from online," the other said smugly.

"Until the ACLU gets a copy," Xander agreed. "Or the state's police department. Or the FBI actually." The glaring officer stepped back, looking alarmed. "I'm *very* used to dirty cops and how they work. My hometown was full of them. They made up death statistics so we had people who died by barbeque fork. And gangs of PCP people eating others. Like I said, I'm not stupid. They might not all want to listen but some will. And that film's still going to be there for them." He turned off his phone and put it into his pocket. "You can't ever get something fully off the internet. There's always a copy somewhere. Like with the news station." He leaned on the table then paid his bill and waved at the waitress, pointing at it. He looked at the officers again. "You want to arrest me, let's go. I can do that. I know my rights pretty well."

"You're not eligible for a free lawyer," the other officer sneered. "You have money."

"It went to medical bills, guys." He shrugged. "Those same people that paid me, they gave me cancer." One slumped. "It all went to a hospital by LA." He shrugged again. "Though yes, I do have some money in the bank that I moved before I went to Colorado."

"You knew they were going to do that," the second officer sneered.

"No. I went to help with the stupid that was going on around General O'Neill's people. I used to hunt demons who were causing problems. Never the peaceful but the ones causing hell and havoc." He stared at him. "I put a notice in the paper a few days before I left that I was going to be selling my farm because my friends were getting insistent that I get out of there. The shipping people got most of it out of there the day before I was coming back. I found they didn't take everything, including a few swords and my bedside table, which had some older pictures from my youth in it. Which was why I was at the farm at all. The guys at the post office were locals and I had my mail held for a few days. So they probably told that group if imbeciles when I got back."

"We think you're committing insurance fraud," the second officer said smugly.

"They have a copy of the tape too. I showed her while we were filling out forms." One of them tried to hit him and he blocked it. "You should smile and wave because you're on camera." He pointed behind him. A few people were staring and a few were camera filming. "I didn't do anything wrong. Never had in that whole time I was there. The paranoid bastards decided I was a better man than them and got jealous and mad. Go yell at them. Agents stopped them trying to drive through my house a few weeks before I went to Colorado. Which is when I made plans to move because all of my friends were insistent. If they're mad I'm man enough to help save others, that's their problem. Not mine. They made it mine. I'm trying legal means of stopping them instead of repaying the favor. I can go do that if you want."

"No," the second officer growled. "They're not scared of you."

Xander snorted. "No, their fear is that they're not the same sort of strong I am. They never jumped in to protect even their own families. That's fine for them. I don't judge them on that unless something attacks their families and they abandon them. That one I did judge and I did protect his wife and daughter, and helped her move out of their house afterwards. He was my boss's brother-in-law thanks to who he married." He leaned his elbows on the table again. "I'm not the evil one here. You can try to blame me but it'll come out and waste your town's money. But if you want to arrest me, let's go. I'm not resisting."

"You think you're famous," the first officer sneered.

"No. I know I'm not famous. Or anything special. I'm a normal guy who helped out. But I'm not going to let myself be blamed for things I didn't do."

"You removed a boot system from your bike," the second officer said.

"They had no right or reason to boot my bike," Xander said. "Or steal one of my swords since it was in the sidecar. I have no outstanding tickets, warrants, or anything else. I had been at that station to talk to their internal affairs person, who looked really sickened by what he saw some of his people doing. But he wasn't going to do anything about it. Pity because I'm not going to be a victim ever the hell again."

"Again?" the officer smirked.

"Yeah, again. The cancer I had was caused by someone trying to make sure I couldn't keep calling their higher ups about their torture plans. I thought the Pentagon would take care of their own. This makes the second time I thought the system wasn't as crooked as it is and was proven wrong." He looked at the other officer. "You can try to stab me too. I can see the knife in your hand." That officer tried to hit him with it. The knife blade was in full view. Xander shifted and blocked it with his drink. "Ooh, did your knife slip out all the way to your hand?" he sneered. He stood up. "Try again."

"That's resisting arrest."

"You're not trying to arrest me," Xander pointed out. "You're just trying to threaten me." He shrugged. "I don't do that." He got the money and paid the waitress. "Thanks, dear. Have a better day." He walked off. The officers followed. One of them tried to pounce him but Xander shifted out of the way and stared down at him. They all watched, and filmed it. The other one pulled his gun and Xander held out his hands in a 'come on, do it' way then smirked at him. The guy's hand was shaking. The waitress was calling the local station. They showed up to stop that guy. Xander pointed out they had cameras inside. They came in to get them and watch the ones on camera phones that were willing to show them. So two more officers went to jail for that and Xander got warned to go away as fast as he could. So he drove off again.

***

Xander walked into Wolfram and Hart's new building. Which Angel's people were running again. "Is Gunn or Wesley in please?" he asked the receptionist.

"Do you have an appointment, sir?" She looked him over, grimacing some.

"I'm an old friend of their team. I was just checking in that I'm in town in case something happens."

She called up there. The secretary asked her a question. "Name, sir?"

"Xander Harris."

She repeated that and he was let up. She pointed. "Elevator two please." She released it for him. He limped that way, making her shake her head. Apparently their law team used to have bad friends.

Xander got off the elevator and nodded politely at the guards. "Hi, guys. Which one's here, Wes or Gunn?"

"Mr. Gunn's in his office," one of them said, looking him over.

"I just got into LA away from dirty cops. Yeah, I didn't stop to change." He walked that way, smiling at the secretary before knocking on the door. He leaned in. "So I'm taking the pointed hint and moving."

Gunn stared at him. "I saw that film." Xander came in and shut the door. "How many?"

"Nineteen officers overall were helping them try to cover it up. Including running a reporter off the road to try to silence her and the one that tried to kill the insurance agent I went through. Then an agent got to mock them all that I had plans of leaving within a week. They only had to wait a week and they could've bought the farm and done something with it." He stared at him. "Cordelia gave me the heads up that they want me in Hawaii hunting there."

"It's supposed to be safer." Gunn stared at him, getting grinned back at. "You're right, Connor's pretty neat." Xander smiled. "Any other messages from on high?"

"Not yet. Are people still screaming about not-ascendeds?"

"Yup."

"That's fine. I was out of my body and helped a few others to that state. Including Agent DiNozzo, who was there to help stop that problem. An NYPD officer, an officer from New Jersey who'll be moving within a year or so. And a SEAL."

Gunn made that note with a smirk. "Thanks, kid."

"Welcome, Gunn. Anything going on I need to hear before I fly out later?"

"Not yet. You good on housing out there?"

"Yeah. I already bought a vacation farm." He smiled. "Back when she hinted about it the first time. I did take the hint but not as fast as she wanted."

"That's fine. What happened in Colorado?"

"Those were the telepreacher aliens. You convert to their faith or die. They were proving it by creating sicknesses they'd cure for the converted."

"Charming," Gunn complained. "They all good?"

"Should be. The people from their mystical city should be okay by now too."

"That's good to know too." He looked at him. "You should probably clean up before you fly."

"Yeah, I'm going to do that. It's a lot colder in the midwest than it is here or will be there." He looked at himself then at him. "I fly out on a redeye so I have a few hours. Nothing going on that's going to make me run faster?"

"Not that we've heard. What did you hear?"

"Buffy's in town."

"Ah. Well...." He grimaced. "Joyce is sick again." Xander nodded he knew that. "Are you going to visit?"

"No. I sent Joyce a few emails and she never responded. They never once visited me. Willow tried to kill me a few times but that's about it. I said 'bye' to Buffy when I got my stuff out of Sunnydale. Sucks but that was on them. It doesn't take that long to show up two floors up for a few minutes."

"No, it doesn't. Are you going to be okay in Hawaii?"

"It's just another starting over point. I'm just past my last attempt at that. Maybe I'll learn to go talk to the mermaids that almost got me turned." He shrugged and grinned. "Tell everyone I said hi."

"I can do that." Xander grinned and left, going to the motel for the few hours of rest and cleaning up. He could sell his bike on his way to the airport so he didn't have to ship it. Gunn went to talk to Wesley and Buffy. "Xander's taken Cordelia's advice and is on his way to Hawaii."

"I got a dream vision of why," Wesley told him. "It's horrible how they treated him." Gunn nodded.

"More people came after Xander for the out-of-body thing?" Buffy guessed.

"No, militant yahoos who hate that Xander's a better man than he is came after him and tried to kill him," Wesley told her.

"Oh. Is he okay?"

"A bit dusty from the ride here," Gunn said. "He's fine overall, Buffy."

"Is he going to visit Mom?"

"No. He said she didn't even answer an email." She winced and slumped. "Something about being two floors up and it would've only taken you maybe ten minutes to visit with him too." He stared at her. "Also how Willow tried to kill him again." She sighed but nodded. "So I think he was pretty sure he already said goodbye."

"I get that. Thanks, Gunn."

"Not a problem. You know you only have to call and we'll come help too." He went back to his office. Buffy was having a hard few years and not all of it was her fault.

***

Xander finally found his home, after two days in Hawaii. The first two days had been spent with an agent, who was sneering at him. Xander had made his few hours of taunting miserable. Then the other agents had decided to stop him and let Xander go find his house. Thankfully his shipping people had unpacked for him too so his truck was waiting for him at the airport with printed directions to the house. He hadn't gotten to see it when he bought it. The realtor had a lot of pictures and had done a video tour of the lands for him. He found it fairly easily, after six wrong turns, and parked. He got out and looked around.

Three bedrooms, two baths, one food storage semi-cellar. An outbuilding for mowers and the like. One goat that was 'mowing' for him for some reason. He went to check on it, petting it when it headbutted him in a friendly manner. His lands were marked with a fence so he knew how much gardening room he had. He was on the wetter side of the Big Island so he could grow almost any vegetable he wanted. Not that he really liked them but it'd be fine. He looked around and sighed but nodded. "I didn't even buy the hippie commune," he told the goat, who went back to eating the grass. "Yeah, I can start with growing things tomorrow. You have a good lunch, Mr. Goaty." He walked up, going to let himself into his house. The key didn't work but someone was inside. "Did I go to the wrong house?" he asked, going back to his truck to pull out his directions. "I'm moving here, ma'am."

She smiled. "We wondered who was moving in. Two more driveways up, young man."

"Oh, I'm Xander." He grinned and shook her hand. "Sorry about that and petting your goat."

"It's fine. She's a good goat. There's a service so you don't have buy a lawnmower and have it shipped out."

"I think I have a small tractor I had packed. I had a small private farm for my own sanity in the midwest before I moved. Is it a good time to start a new garden?"

"Yes, we have year-round growing around here, Xander."

He grinned. "Thanks. Have a nice day and sorry I got it wrong again." She laughed, letting him drive off. He found his driveway. The house wasn't in as good of shape as the pictures had shown. The paint was a lot more dim, a bit more cracked. The lawn looked smaller. He called his realtor. "Can you come make sure I'm at the right place? I could've sworn I had an acre and a half and if I'm in the right place my fences are nearly at the house's line." She said she'd be there in a few minutes. He waited. He waved at the person watching from the nearby house. She came out and looked then pointed. He followed her to his house. It was still pretty beat up. He could fix that though. "Oh! Cool! I was hoping it wasn't the one I was parked by. I mistook the one with the spanish tiles at first too."

She smiled and shook his hand. "How did you get lost if you already have your vehicle?"

"I had them leave it at the airport for me with printed directions."

She looked and wrote out better ones. "Go ahead and try your key just to make sure." He did that and waved. "Good boy, Mr. Harris, and welcome to Hawaii." He grinned and bounded back to hug her before running inside. She went back to her car, chuckling at the young man. She loved making people happy. She flinched at the sound of a shot but he threw a rat out and she nodded. He could handle it she was sure. She went back to the office to make note. Someone had tried to stop the sale but they had been blocked. It wasn't her business why. He seemed very nice. No matter what you saw of him on the news.

***

Xander almost felt it when Steve came home. He sighed. That was going to suck. He was meditating and calmly relaxing. Yesterday had been a bad date with an idiot arms dealer. And someone who looked a shitload like Spike had spooked him until he had proven he wasn't a vampire by nearly staking him. The arms dealer he had been on the date with was horrified and apologized for him but Xander telling him he looked exactly like a vampire he had to fight a few times made the guy laugh and say it was his grandfather and to say hi.

So Xander had escaped his date before he decided to do something stupid around him. And stopped him from trying to set his house on fire. The local police station was very friendly when they found out he was an arms dealer. They didn't mind him shooting him with a shotgun at all. Xander concentrated on the present moment instead of last night, clearing his mind. He felt it when Steve and Danny met and smiled. They could do good together.

***

Steve looked at the short, loud, blond man in front of him. "Did Xander come visit you?" he asked once they were both back at a casually intolerant state. The guy was an officer, he remembered that much, and the yelling 'freeze, Honolulu PD' proved it.

"Goofy kid out of his body? Yeah. You?" he asked. "I noticed the glow."

"Yeah. He did help me a few times." He stared at him. "That's so weird. He said I'd find someone I could work with." The other guy smirked. "I know who did it. They called."

"We can handle that."

"Good." He held out a hand. "Steve."

"Danny." He shook it. "Is the goofball all right?"

"Yeah, he got told to move somewhere out here by some higher level beings. We can find him later."

"I can find him through the DMV or something." Steve nodded that was fine. They went back into the house to look at the mess.

***

Danny found Xander's address and went to talk to him. Xander's front door was open, which wasn't all that unusual out here. "Kid?" he called.

"Kitchen. Like coffee or tea?"

"Coffee, sugar please." He headed toward the back of the house. He stared at the young man. "You look more healthy."

"I try." He handed him a cup of coffee with a grin. "Sugar's on the table." He put some in the takeout cup and sipped it with a nod of pleasure. "What's up?"

"Are you causing problems?"

"It's not my fault that people with questionable jobs like to date me. I only draw the deadly and dangerous." He grinned.

Danny shook his head. "You were right about Stan." Xander smiled. "Any other head's up coming?"

"Not that I've seen recently. If so, I'd let you know." Danny handed over a card with his cellphone number on it. Xander tucked it into his wallet. "I have a few spare rooms if you need to use them."

"Thanks. I might if the family comes out to visit with me and Gracie. Is she going to be okay?"

"Yeah. She might be the average teenager but you knew that back in Jersey."

"True."

"She'll have friends and fun and be a girl. Mostly a safer girl. You've got friends who'll watch over her if something happens."

"That's great. Thanks." He stared at him. "Are you hiding out here?"

"Actually, today I'm studying magic. I've got to do two spells to take out a huge demon that's bothering a national park area."

"Great." He shook his head with a sigh then looked at the kid again. "Let us know if you have those sort of problems and they're going to get big."

"I always try to keep them out of notice unless I warn first."

"Good." He patted him on the arm. "You're too skinny. Don't make someone nag. I can let my daughter do that."

Xander grinned. "I'm fine, Danny. Really. It's all muscle."

"You sure? You look pale. That's not natural on this ball of sun island."

"Hunters tend to work at night."

"Point. All right. You call the next time something huge is going on."

"You do the same if you need my help." He wrote down his number and handed it over with a grin. "You've already run into one of my past dates."

"Is his name Steve and he's a SEAL?" he asked dryly.

"I could've crushed but no. Only the deadly and dangerous are drawn to me. He's only dangerous in certain situations."

"Uh-huh." He patted him on the arm and added more coffee to his cup. "Just let us know, kid." He left, going to talk to Steve. Having Xander there could be good or bad. Or both really if he kept dating.

***

Steve forgot about Xander until he needed his help with a problem. Then Danny jogged his memory. He got his number then decided to go visiting. Xander was outside town but not too far. He parked in the driveway and got out, heading to where he could see a person in the yard fussing with some plants. He stared at him. Slightly pale skin underneath the tan. Too skinny. He cleared his throat, making Xander blink back at hm. "Did it come back?"

"What?" He finished picking lunch and stood up to stare at him. "What's up?"

"When did it come back, Xander?"

"It was regrowing when I was in Colorado helping the general. Shit sucks and the treatment's even worse." He walked over. "What sort of help do you need, Steve?"

"You..."

"Shut up," Xander warned, staring at him. "I'm still taking down bigger demons than you ever want to think about all by myself. I'm not helpless and I'm damn sure I can bust something if I have to. Did last week, didn't someone tell you?"

"Danny mentioned it this morning," he said, staring at him. "I might need to hide someone."

"Okay. I have a few spare rooms, including a storm safe room." He grinned. "Any other favors you need?" He walked off. "I'm starting on a stir fry for lunch."

Steve followed him. "Why doesn't anyone know?"

"Why would anyone care?" he asked. He looked at him. "I told Tony, he said it sucked huge, which it does, and told someone so they could start me on better treatments. This time I probably won't end up in coma."

"Are they treating it or just humoring it?" Steve asked.

Xander shrugged. "As far I know they said it's shrinking."

He stared at the kid. "If you had told me I would've come to visit before then."

Xander stared at him. "You have a life, Steve. You need to live your life and do your Steve things. I'm an extra hand you may need sometime but I'm not your best friend."

"I still wanted to know."

"And yet, you haven't even emailed." He gave him a pointed look before bringing down the cutting board and knife. "If whoever needs it, let me know at least a few minutes in advance so I can move some stuff in there for food and water." He looked back at the staring man. "What?"

"It's not that simple. I deal with some huge problems."

Xander nodded. "I dated a few of those." He stared at something then moved to rinse it off.

"You do those under running water or the silt just gathers again," Steve said quietly. Xander grinned at him. "You could have popped around."

"I'm not that sort of guy, Steve. I don't show up and expect people to put up with me unless it's a battle." He looked at him. "Then you would've seen me pushing you out of the way."

"That might work." He sighed. "How many more treatments?" Xander shrugged. "They didn't say?"

"No. They're doing another scan in a few weeks. I'm on an off-treatment time right now. I start a new run right after the scan." He finished rinsing things and moved back to his cutting board. "I have supplies I can put in there, including weapons."

"Thanks but if you have artillery on my island I'm going to complain."

Xander shot him a dirty look. "Yay. It's keeping me from being kidnaped by one of the bad boys who think you're a pretty game too. Oh, hey, mention my name in front of that guy Cramyans. Watch him have a seizure."

"I can do that. I'll call if I have to bring someone out. We'll talk soon?"

"Sure if you want. I'm usually here unless I'm out hunting something." He shrugged. "There's been a few bigger problems but nothing too huge. Just don't get my house shot up, Steve. I put in bulletproof insulation but still."

"I can try to do that. Thanks for protecting someone for us."

"Not a problem. Want lunch?"

"Nah. I've got to get back to Danny complaining. You were right, we work pretty well together." Xander smiled. He left, going back to the office. On the way he suddenly pulled over and called DiNozzo because he could get to others who might want to know about Xander's health. "Tony, Steve McGarrett. Yes, long time no hear. Did you talk to Xander recently? He's acting like an old woman who's lived a full life. Yeah, I think he's resigned. I don't know, Tony. I'm not even sure if I should let him help if we run into a demonic problem. He's really skinny too.

"I think he's decided we've all gotten our uses out of him or something. Yeah, thanks. No, he said he found out after the battle in Colorado. So he waited four months to tell anyone? I'd like to smack him for that. Sure. Let me know please. We're in the middle of a case but I'm sure you know how that goes. I am, he was right. Thanks, DiNozzo." He hung up and pulled back into traffic, going back to the office. He walked in and stared at Danny. "Have you seen him recently?"

He sat up, putting his feet down. "No, why?" He looked worried. "He sick or something?"

"Again." Danny winced. "He didn't even request someone looking at it for four months."

"Shit."

"But he'll allow us to use his safe storm room if we need it or he'll come help with demon things. If I allow it."

"He's the sort like you are. He'll push you out of the way and do it anyway."

"He's seriously skinny, Danny. I'm not sure if he's going to get better this time."

"Relapses are harder," he agreed. "More deadly too. We can go talk to him after all this is done with."

"He also said to mention his name in front of the guy that sneered at you, he'd have a seizure."

Danny grinned. "I'd like film of that. He told me he only draws deadly and dangerous sort, and said you're only that way situationally so he'd never draw someone as nice as you."

"I'm plenty dangerous and deadly but only when I have to be. If he's dating people like Cramyans, he's into shitbags. We need to set him up with someone."

"We shouldn't because that could hurt his chances of recovery," Danny said more quietly. "Dating's hard enough when you have a problem. Being in treatment would make people run and it'll bring down his hope. You need it to survive."

"Yeah, I guess." He ran a hand over his face. "Okay, we have a safe spot."

"I'll remember that if I have to hide Gracie too."

"He probably would and pointed out he could hand them weapons too. We need to make sure he doesn't have artillery. His answer to my reminder he couldn't have any was 'yay'."

Danny burst out laughing. "Sounds like the kid, yeah."

"He's nearly twenty-five."

"Which is still a kid."

"Point. Thanks." He went to tell the others that they may have a safe spot if they needed it. Xander wouldn't discount Kono for being a woman. He'd expect her to kick ass, like most of the ones he used to work with could. He felt someone watching and casually looked around. Cordelia phased into view. "What's up?"

"The dork's being all stoicy. Again."

"Should we nark on him?" Danny asked, coming out. "I saw you the last time I meditated. You were nagging someone else."

"I'm Cordelia, the messenger for the PTB." She smirked at him. "You're just nosy." She looked at Steve, nodding. "Yeah, get the pretty doctor to look at him again. The local docs gave up hope, that's why he told anyone." She looked at Kono. "You're badass enough for him to flirt with but he's a dork. Great in bed but a dork. So much nerdy times." She shook her head. "But really good in bed." She looked at Danny and Steve. "And not picky." She left.

"I think that was a hint," Kono said, shaking her head. "That's so weird."

"Weird is our safe room contact used to date her," Steve said. "Very weird things." He went to find O'Neill's number. He got his assistant. "Is the general busy? Steve McGarrett, SEAL. We worked together on a project once. No, it's something about that project." O'Neill came on a minute later with someone else. "General, It's Lieutenant Commander McGarrett. Yes, sir, him. No, but I just saw that same messenger who nags Xander. Yes, Cordelia. She said to have the pretty doctor look him over again. Because it came back, sir.

"Apparently he only told DiNozzo when the local docs had no idea. Yeah, he's out here in Hawaii. Thank you, General. He didn't look good. Too skinny, kind of pale. Yeah, all that. I have no idea if they redosed him," he admitted. "He didn't mention it when he said he was still able to take down large demonic menaces to my island. Thank you, General." He hung up and walked out there. "He'll have someone check on him," he told Danny.

"Probably a good idea. He was on the news yesterday for fighting off something trying to eat a few hikers."

"Great," Steve complained. "Any reaction from the locals or non-locals?"

"A lot of thanking the Old Ones that he was there," Chin said. "You know that guy?"

"Yeah, that's Xander. He helped me and Danny both at one time."

"Wow," Chin said. "Small world."

That same messenger told him to move out there," Steve said. "Right before some militia wannabes burned out his farm."

"I saw that on the news," Kono said. "He looked harder then."

"He's in the middle of getting a tumor treated," Danny said. "For the second time." Both cousins winced. "Yeah, he's fighting hard."

"But he has the bad habit of dating arms dealers," Steve quipped. "And he really likes artillery." Kono groaned, staring at him.

"He said Steve's only situationally dangerous and deadly so not his type," Danny quipped.

"Yeah, I'll let him flirt and then see if he'll tell me how deadly I can be," Kono said.

"He's a nice guy," Steve told her. "About twenty-five. Does construction stuff." She nodded at that. "He has a nice little farm too. He's not too sweet and nice, Kono."

"I saw that on a few films the news ran to show who he was."

"He's a soldier without the service," Danny agreed. "I'm hoping he pulls through. I want him to someday threaten Gracie's boyfriends. He'll do it better than I could."

Steve grinned at him. "Really?"

"I'd use you but you'd be more fluffy than the kid is." He walked off.

"I'm not fluffy!"

Kono laughed. "Maybe next to the kid you are." She walked off giggling. Chin was shaking his head but trying not to smile.

"No, I'm definitely less fluffy than he is," Steve complained. He went to get into his paperwork nightmare. It had to be done and if he didn't get it done he couldn't go home.

***

Xander looked up from laying on the couch when a twinkling started. "Hey, Doc," he said with a weak wave. "What's up?"

"I'm not a bunny, Mr. Harris," she joked. "The general wanted me to look you over."

"They're doing the best they can."

"You're in treatments?"

"I'm starting a new series in a few weeks. After the next scan. Right now I'm thinking about a healing spell but it could mean that I end up planted in my garden as a vegetable. Speaking of, if I go, tell McGarrett to go search near the carrots. I put up a small secondary safe area for storms under them."

"You're sure you're dying?"

"No but I have a will. I did before I went into the hospital last time, Doc. I'm a practical guy."

"Good. Giving up hope means you don't heal."

He stared at her. "Doc, this is my second brain tumor," he said. "Do you really think they're going to fully fix it? Do you know the statistics on that?"

"No but I'm sure it's rare." She pulled out a scanner to run over him. "You're not in bad shape."

"I try. Right now it's siesta time but I do try to stay in shape for hunting and gardening." She gave him a dirty look then went back to her scans, grimacing around his liver. "Is that liver damage from stuff or is it spreading?" he asked.

"I think it's liver damage but it's not reading why." Xander patted his chest, taking off something that looked like a crystal necklace. "Oh, now it is. Were they doing radiation treatments?"

"No. That's from where I grew up, Doc. That's the Sunnydale hellmouth reminding me it loves me."

She grimaced. "That's weird. We had someone go study it and come back walking dead but nibbly."

"Yeah, vampires are majorly drawn to that hellmouth. The most usual in town you can stake or behead, or sunlight them to dust."

"Good to know. Did you hunt them?"

"Yeah. Every single night most of the time. For almost four years." She slumped. "My team never went after the harmless sorts but vampires are a menace like roaches. We stomped on them."

"Good point." She ran the scans again to compare them. "That sucks," she decided. He grinned. "It's not that good of news."

"Which is what they told me and why I needed new scans. That's why I was thinking about that healing spell."

"Will it dissolve the tumors?"

"It'll rip them out," Xander said. "Basically teleporting them out of my body."

"I hadn't thought about using it that way," she muttered. "It might cause bleeding," she told him more loudly.

"Probably. It was a spell to get a stuck kid out during birth. I'm pretty sure bleeding would be caused and that's why there's the warning about turning into a turnip." She scowled. "Sorry, I need some humor these days."

"You need to eat more."

"I can't keep it down." She grimaced. "So what's wrong with my liver? Another tumor?"

"No. Looks like radiation damage." He nodded once. "The brain tumor appears to be not growing."

"That's good."

"But I don't think it's shrank any either." He grimaced but nodded. "We don't have things to help you remove it."

"That's what I figured. I don't know who narked to the general though."

Cordelia faded in, wearing a huge grin. "I did." Xander frowned at her. "Because you need it. If you do that spell alone, you'll die." He nodded once. "You can manage it with help, but that would be pretty intimate. Though you've prepped some people who could help you if you *asked*."

"I'm not going to draw anyone else into my f-ed up world, Cordelia. We did it to you and Oz. And Amy. Was it worth it?"

She stared at him. "Sometimes it was. Not always but sometimes. The world has to keep moving on."

"Yeah and there's probably other hunters if I fall," he told her.

"Nope." She shook her head. "The higher ups have taken them *all* out. Every last one. You are the last."

"And I can't have kids thanks to the mermaid taint and the chemo," he shot back.

"They know that." He rolled his eyes. "They're *majorly* upset that you tipped their playing board over, Xander. Congrats! Higher powers hate you." She smiled.

"They can come suck me," he told her. "Really." She snorted but looked amused. "You know I could go show them why they need the hunters. With only two slayers, is there going to be enough next year? O'Neill's people are going to be busy from what I've seen. So will most everyone else." He pulled over his phone to get into a file, giving it to the doctor. Cordelia looked and winced. "I guess that's one way to get their balance," he said dryly. "If there's no one to challenge either side."

"Shit," Cordelia muttered. She took the phone to look at then sighed. "Totally a Double Meat Palace burger dump." She handed it back. "Send that on?"

"I did. Gunn's got a copy, so does Wes's email. They can spread it. I sent a copy to DiNozzo so he can spread it around to those who can handle it if I'm not there." He stared at her. "Which I probably will be. I saw myself there. I looked like hell but I was there."

"That's probably how you die," she said.

He shrugged. "Then it's worthwhile. Death isn't scary. Nearly been there and done that. I might make it to ascended status but that doesn't mean I'll let those sort stop me from doing anything. They can gang up on me and still blow me." Cordelia gaped in horror at him. He grinned. "What're they going to do, tie me somewhere?" He grinned. "There's a way around that called reincarnation. I can do that too." Cordelia shivered. "If they really want humanity to end so they can have their perfect balance they can start by taking me out."

"Don't offer, they will," Cordelia said. "The treatments won't work. Or that spell." Xander smirked at her. "Oh, dear. What?"

"Oh don't worry. You're not going to be affected, dear." She shivered, hugging herself as she floated backwards away from him. He smiled at the doc. "So, Doc, how bad am I looking?"

"Really warped," she said.

He grinned. "Thanks, Doc. It's my favorite state. Someone really should remember I'm the stubborn sort." She looked at Cordelia, who nodded and faded out. He grinned at her. "Now that the nosy sort is gone, is the treatment working?"

"I can't tell. We can try something to remove it."

"If I go down into surgery they're going to not let me come back up. There's demons they can send to those who are stuck in our bodies like when we're under anesthesia. I'd hate to have to beat them but I won't have any weapons."

"I'll see what I can do. Can I get your current records?" He nodded, signing the release form she had. "Thank you, Mr. Harris. I'll let the general know that things are going to be horrific in a few years."

"Next year," he corrected. "About spring break too."

"I can let him know that. You'll see me in a few days." She got beamed back to the base and went to call the general first, telling him about that prophecy. And what Harris was planning on doing. The kid reminded her a lot of Jack. It was an unfortunate similarity in this case.

***

Tony DiNozzo was humming as he walked into the Pentagon and got admitted up to an office upstairs. He walked past the secretary with a smile and a badge wave. "Homeworld Security business." He shot him a look. "And don't you dare report to your brother." He knocked on the door and walked in at the grunt. "General!" He kicked the door shut and put the email from Xander in front of him.

Jack read it. "I thought Dr. Lam's version was the cause of my heartburn," he said, looking up. "How and when? He said something about spring break next year but I wasn't sure if they were connected by how he told her."

"By that time code, that's April. So we'll have them back to back." He handed over the spring break one with a grin. "Sacrificing virgins. Not that I think there's a ton of them drinking at spring break events."

"Fuck," Jack muttered as he read it over. He looked up. "This totally sucks."

"Yes it does," Tony agreed with a grin and a nod. "Any word on his tumor?"

"Doctor Lam doesn't think we can do much more than they're doing for him since he doesn't want surgery due to interfering higher powers."

"I've seen Cordelia once or twice. Last time she was helping Abby pick out a dress while Gibbs spluttered in a corner because the higher ups hate him for reducing the problem solving people we have. The little problem we solved stopped a created-by-them surge in protectors in a few years."

"Can't they do it now?" Jack demanded.

"How many bad things are going to need seventy or more slayers?" Tony asked. Jack winced. "Originally they'd do that one and solve it then Buffy would take on a hell goddess and sort of win posthumously but Rosenburg would bring her back which would start off a huge problem that would get most of the future slayers and all their Council people killed, but we'd have about thirty slayers that made it through, who then would've been partially whittled down by that invasion."

"We stopped the chain," Jack O'Neill said. "And I'm glad we did."

"Yup, but now we've got to move around their plans. They've been taking out hunters. We're down to a few and Xander, and he's probably going to be dying at one of those two events because he's weakened by the return of the cancer."

"And radiation damage," O'Neill told him. "That hole out there filled him full of radiation."

"Oh, that's sweet," Tony quipped sarcastically. "How nice of it. I know he talked about radiation sickness."

"Yup," Jack agreed. "I'm guessing they can't get to Hawaii?"

"Don't know," Tony admitted. "Cordelia could. I'm wondering if Hawaii was an attempt to take him out easier. Something out there made it start growing again."

"Doctor Lam caught it after the battle in Colorado and told him. He tried the normal docs for four months before he called."

Tony grimaced. "That figures. So what do we do?"

"Right now I go home and get shitfaced drunk with my former team," O'Neill said with a smile. "You should do the same."

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure Gibbs is going to join me in that." He looked out the window. "Sniper." O'Neill called that in and they got the guy. He looked at the general again. "Want me to take it upstairs?"

"Yeah, go ahead. He'll scream at me because his daughter's wedding is driving him nuts."

"Okay." He took the files back once Jack had copied them. "Happy drinking, let us know when we can help."

"I will. I'll yelp louder than a greenie on his first break from boot camp in a dirty club." Tony grinned, heading upstairs. Jack started to call around. "Mitchell, bring my team to my cabin later to go drinking. You too. No, it's a we need a drunk plan to save humanity because being sober won't work this time night. Thanks." He hung up and got beamed back to the cabin so he could get ready for drunken tinkering and thinking. He called Sheppard too. He had some off-the-wall ideas that worked really well. Plus he had to know about demon emergencies and apocalypses. They had left him naive and happy for too long.

Sheppard and McKay got beamed in first. "General," Sheppard said, saluting him. "I was told we were drinking tonight to formulate how to save the earth?" He held up his bag from a liquor store local to Atlantis. "I went with whiskey and semi-decent beers."

"That'll work." He switched it for the email. "Yes, they're real," he told McKay when he started to read.

"I saw the footage from the invasion," he said with a grimace. "The same sort of problem?" He looked at the general, who was nodding while drinking a can of beer.

Sheppard got his own after reading. "That's just wonderful, sir. How can we help?" He smirked.

"The level of stupid in that problem is astronomical," McKay complained.

"Which is why the higher powers that want to have balance so they have power started that going," Jack quipped. The others drove up and came in with food and liquor. Sheppard handed off that email. "From Harris."

"Aw, jeez, another one," Mitchell complained. "Fuck!"

"Human ending. The powers that are over the slayers are already plotting since they want absolute balance. They've been taking out hunters. They have plans for Harris dying during that one, and his cancer came back, kids. That's why we need something good."

Sandwiches got unpacked and they settled to drink, bitch, and plot.

"How much realistic help can we count on?" Sheppard asked.

"Specialists? Two slayers, one witch with a magic addiction, and Harris, who has cancer," Sam Carter told him. "Caused by the army." Sheppard put down his drink to stare at her. "The program that O'Neill brought down with some help, they caused it."

"I saw that file," Sheppard said. "Damn you're good, General." O'Neill grinned. "Most of us on the city have seen that file and we all agreed if you had asked we would've shown up to help too. We would've even brought the city to help."

"Even I shot some of them," Carter told him. "Then I destroyed their systems while gathering intel." She looked at McKay. "We also have a classification manual done by the people who have been doing it since Ancients were toddlers whining about demons."

"They were?" he demanded. O'Neill nodded and so did Carter. "We're sure?"

"We have histories," Jackson told him. "That correlate to early writing ones that we found thanks to those histories. Which is why Harris helped some people semi-ascend so they could be a wind block from all the screaming that caused."

"Harris saw us being attacked," O'Neill said. "The mountain itself attacked." They all moaned. "Which is why we got some very nice wind blocking help. By the way, he's near two of them now in Hawaii," he told the group. "They're local law enforcement out there." He grinned. "The SEAL is on detached duty but kicking ass all over his island full of pretty things and arms dealers." He took another drink.

"There may be a way to activate more slayers," Carter said.

Daniel nodded. "Their books mention a scythe that holds the slayer essence. It's near or in Sunnydale."

"So we activate all the slayers," Jack said. "What happens that means we need seventy or more slayers?"

Sheppard blinked. "Could they go on treaty teams with our people?"

"Could be," O'Neill said. "If they're allowed to go military."

"We worked with civilians," Carter said. "Daniel is a notable example there, sir. They'd be of great help and able to protect themselves."

"Slayers can't hurt or kill humans, Sam. It somehow warps the calling."

"Oh. Pity." She slumped and went back to doodling math equations. "We could use some heavier weapons than we currently have."

"They'd be more dangerous to our people," McKay told her. "If we could make one that would only effect those who have non-human DNA it might matter."

"That would get people with warped chromosomes," O'Neill pointed out. "Like Harris. Apparently he not only has radiation issues but also he ran into mermaids in high school thanks to a swim coach." They all stared at him. He nodded. "Doctor Lam said it's impossible but there. Also we've had demonic help from some peaceful and good species at each mega event."

Rodney was still spluttering so Sheppard handed him a drink to gulp. "Prove it," he finally demanded. O'Neill handed over his phone so he called Doctor Lam. "Carolyn, prove that mermaids exist," he ordered. She told him about how they had been found and Xander had identified who some of them had been. The Navy was not amused. They had actually had a few Naval generals throwing fits like toddlers on tv. He groaned as he hung up, rubbing his chest. Sheppard nicely handed him another drink to help with that. O'Neill put his phone back into his pocket.

"Does the same to me," Sam Carter told him. "I didn't want to believe it existed even with it in front of me."

"Teal'c heard one briefing and said that was forbidden knowledge among them. That most societies had eradicated any that had been brought with them," Mitchell said. "Though I threw a few fits once we busted that project into little shards of misery."

"Should've heard the biology team," Sam quipped, gulping more beer. "The fits went on for over a week and spilled into the other labs." McKay shook his head quickly. "Then yours got briefed and had a series of small fits."

"They decided the wraith should be the weirdest thing in the universe," Sheppard told her. He looked at McKay then at the general. "I remember the guy who said he was out of his body who came to visit us."

"Harris," O'Neill agreed with a nod. "That's how he got Daniel to get me to see how wrong that was."

"That explains a lot," Sheppard agreed. He finished his current drink and beer, putting the can into the trash can and leaning back. "So we need crazy, asshole-pulled plans to stop that huge problem," he said. "And we can't raid their bases first?"

"Civilians in the way," Daniel said. "It'd make them want to attack us too."

"Do the ones that would be attacking go off their bases?" O'Neill shook his head. "Do the rest of them leave now and then?"

"Sometimes but they leave the kids," Jack said.

"Our teams wouldn't hurt the kids. We could capture a few of the parents to hold for a few hours and let them have the kids," Mitchell said. "Maybe some elders of some friendly to them groups watching the kids and making sure we're not evil?"

"That may mean they'd have to believe in visions," Carter said.

"They seem to listen to those sort of things and magic more than humans do," Daniel said. "We can bring the vision to the local demon council and tell them we're trying to mitigate the vision." Cordelia showed up and shook her head then faded out again. "Or maybe not," he quipped. "Miss Chase, why not?"

Her voice came out of Jack's phone. "They're frienemies. They'll do things to piss them off on purpose. LA's has the same problem. Go to the one in Baltimore or NYC, but if you go to DC's watch out for the other side to complain as there's a descended angel trapped there and he'll do anything to screw up the non-native demon species for not being like him. Or humans because he's petty that way and that's why he fell."

"Okay, that's not a huge problem," John Sheppard said, considering it. "Do we know anything about either of those local councils?"

"Baltimore's has a ring of justice where you can call combat and the spells on it will tell you if it's just," O'Neill said. "It'll punish the problem side if they're that bad. Harris had to take a few of the assholes who were trying to kill him there." He sipped his beer. "Huh. That's actually ..." He tipped his head, looking at Daniel, who smirked back. Then at Mitchel and Carter since they were next to each other. Carter was nearly passed out. Mitchell had that happy, buzzed look on his face and he nodded.

Jack looked at Sheppard, who was smirking and handing Rodney another glass of whiskey to keep him from going off the deep end about demons. "I'll go," O'Neill agreed. "They like me I think. I'm a nice guy." The others nodded. Jack made travel plans and they settled in to go over the other plans. They needed a way to take that tumor out of Harris sooner instead of later. And without using magic since they all agreed that was a bad idea.

***

Xander quit floating out of his body for meditation and woke up to find someone he didn't know staring at him. "Did you show up because we had a date? I don't remember that well some days."

"No. Steve sent me."

"Oh, him. Sure." He sat up. "Are you the one I'm going to be guarding?"

"Not yet. We think that's coming soon. You're on my way home and he wanted me to make sure you were still all right."

"Yeah so far I'm okay. I haven't done the spell to remove the tumor yet." He grinned slightly. "I'm fine. Really."

"Magic to remove a tumor?"

"Yeah. It's about a last ditch effort. Technically it's a spell to remove stuck kids during birth but I can rearrange it to brain tumors."

"Uh-huh. Were you meditating? Or sleeping?"

"Bit of both. My body was catching a nap while I hit the astral plane again to check on some ongoing issues." He shrugged. "I learned with the first brain tumor."

"All right. I'll tell Steve you're fine."

"Thanks. By the way, I'm Xander."

"Chin." He shook his hand. "You should probably eat."

"I probably should but food sucks. I feel like I have morning sickness from the stupid tumor. Seriously, try never to get a brain tumor, okay?"

"That's always good advice anyway. If you can avoid cancer you probably should."

"Yeah, but the army gave me cancer so...." He shrugged a tiny bit and winced. "I keep forgetting this couch sucks to sleep on." Chin smiled, waving as he left. Xander stretched and went to make some of the morning sickness tea he had found. It worked okay on the days after treatment too. He settled down to watch over his garden and to shoot the rabbit that kept trying to invade it. His crossbow aim was still spot on. "Bunny stew," he quipped, getting up to get the thing so he could skin and fix it.

Chin went to Steve's house, knocking and being let in by Danny. "He was on the astral plane?"

"Yeah, Xander goes out of his body and hides there sometimes. He found a way to spy into the future. That's what he showed me when he pulled me out. Danny?"

"He showed me a bit of us working together and told me it'd be okay and I'd be able to follow Gracie. I was just before the final divorce hearing." Danny looked at him. "He okay otherwise?"

"Took him a few minutes to wake up. He said he hasn't done the spell to remove the brain tumor yet?" Kono choked, shaking her head. "Something about it being a birth spell but he can warp it?"

"Xander can be very warping," Danny agreed dryly. "Did it to me for a few days after only five minutes talking to him." He looked at Steve.

"We got warned if he did that spell it came with a high risk of bleeding problems. But if he goes under surgery the higher beings over the slayers will try to take him out."

"Charming of them," Danny quipped.

"They want balance, Danno. Only a perfect balance. It gives them power." Steve looked at Chin again. "He eat something?"

"I heard him putting on water."

"Maybe then. He could really use a few dozen meals."

"He said he felt like he had morning sickness," Chin said. "Can magic do that?"

Steve winced. "Don't ask. Really. We got to escort a young witch who had joined the Marine Reserves for school and after one too many attacks she did that to a whole troop of asshole terrorists." He tried not to smirk but had to. "They got no respect, no one listened to them. Imams made them protect the children against their wills. We were so proud. My whole team congratulated her. The higher ups in the Marines...not so pleased. But it happens sometimes." He took a drink of water. "I'll go check on him tomorrow morning."

"Sure. Have fun with that." Chin left, going home to think about things. That was a bit too weird for him.

Steve looked at Danny, who was staring at him in horrified awe. "It takes a lot of magic."

"Good! It'd better take a whole damn lot of magic. Before one of us gets hit."

"You might have to have sex to do that," Kono said. "Something neither of you are getting." She left to find some way to clean her brain off. Before those thoughts stuck.

"With your luck it'd take some guy in the hallway bumping into your arm," Steve complained. "If you do get knocked up I'll keep you on desk duty as long as I can and maybe even babysit." Danny got up to pounce him to try to beat him up. It was playful but they could use the stress relief.

***

Xander came back to his body and sighed. He had looked at the tumor. It wasn't huge but it was nasty looking. Even worse than the first one had been. He did send that nice doctor a note asking if he had more of the serum given to him. She admitted she hadn't checked but ran his bloodwork and answered he did. So somehow he had gotten more serum. He had some options. He could still do that spell. If he did it unaided it'd be a bit more dangerous but if he did it with help it'd be a huge problem that could start off another humanity changing thing. He flopped backwards with a groan and rubbed his face. "This shit sucks." Whistler appeared, staring at him. He stared back. "What?"

"They won't get past the problem, Harris. Prompting them to take some weird action...."

Xander got up and got into his face. "I don't care. Right about now I'm going to be lucky to be alive at that point so *someone* has to handle it." He stared him down, making Whistler back up. "Which Initiative member did it?"

"I don't know...."

Xander held up a hand. "They found new serum. I know damn well they're all in jail. So who gave it to me so I can go fix them?"

"We have no idea."

Xander snorted. He took Whistler with him out of his body to the astral plane. He pointed. "Really? Are you sure, Whistler?" The guy looked scared. Xander walked him over and pointed. "I'd pretty well bet that some of those are your people. Not the military."

Oh, crap. "They're different level minions," he admitted. Xander was letting it go forward. "That's not our people who dropped it into your drink."

Xander watched, touching that picture. "Hmm. Okay." He looked at Whistler. "I'm not a slayer or a champion, Whistler." He brought them back, climbing back into his body. "I'm also not really able to do anything to help anyone right now." He stared at him. "So why come to me to bitch about other people having to take my place because your bosses want to destroy humanity?"

"Your prompting is causing others to get into things they shouldn't."

"They're supposed to be protecting humanity!" Xander shouted. "What did you expect them to do? Just let it all happen?"

"Calm down."

"Fuck you," Xander shot back, glaring at him. "It's your bosses causing problems that I and others have to handle. If they didn't start shit, we wouldn't have to fix shit. Make them leave humanity alone."

"They need to...."

"They're having *fun*, Whistler. Nothing that's happened in the last three years was anything but fun for them. Some sort of bet."

"You don't know that."

"Bet me! Did *you* send me visions?"

Whistler winced. "You do?"

"Yeah! Came out after the treatments for the first tumor." He stared at him. "Cordelia and I both carried the latent taint for visions, Whistler. So yeah, I've seen it *all*. Hell, I can even fix the problem with the soulmate markings while I'm fixing the new tumor if I find the right person to do it with." He moved closer. "You coming to bitch at me about shit that's not my fault, not my doing, and I have to fix to protect people I might like to get to know pisses me off."

"It could make you fight harder."

Xander stared at him. "You clearly did not do a damn bit of research about me, Whistler. I'd suggest you do go scry or however. Like the Council's people, they're worthless at a lot of things but especially about expecting me to be someone I'm not. I'm not Willow. I'm not Buffy. I'm tougher than both of them. If only because I put up with their asses nagging me for being male for too many years." He stared at him until Whistler took another step back. "You know what, if they want the Council down that hard? Tell a government rep about them. They'll go bust them for many reasons. It'd save the potentials, it'd save a lot of others, and it'd keep me from having to plant some in my garden the next time they show up to try to kill me."

Whistler swallowed. "They did?"

"Yeah. Pity." He stared at him. "If you need me to tell others about the Council I can do that."

"I....that's not a great idea."

Xander smirked. "You sure about that?"

"They think there'll be too many potentials."

"Not like it mattered in the past."

"If they get called it could cause problems."

Xander stared at him. Then he smirked. "If you're sure, because their ideas would get a lot of little girls killed and piss off real humans. Especially real warriors and hunters." Whistler winced. "I know, not your plot. But you're here." Whistler disappeared. Xander looked up then around at the house. "Maybe I should tell someone that I had to tie up the assassins soon." He considered it as he walked into the kitchen. He checked on the assassins, putting in more water jugs for them. Then he reclosed and locked the door, going to make some more tea. He could keep it down. "Maybe I'll find that little organic shop again tomorrow. They had some good ideas."

***

Xander drove his pickup truck to where Steve and Danny worked, smiling at Chin since he was outside. "Would you guys like to arrest the assassins I've had locked in the closet for the last week?"

Chin stared at him. "Why did you have them locked up for a week? You couldn't call 911?"

"Long story. Very long story. They have a contract out on my life. They came out to kill me while on vacation. Want 'em? I'm going to go find that organic store that I got the tea from." Someone grabbed him by the arm and walked him off. "Hi, Danny."

"Xander." He looked at him. "Why did you have them locked up for a week?"

"I forgot they were there. I kept using knockout gas. I only remembered because the knockout gas canister is empty and I have to make some more. Their group has a few mil out on my head for helping my former friends." He grinned. "I'm going to find that little organic shop where I got the tea. They had some good ideas about food choices. Maybe I'll be able to keep things down." He shook his head.

"You're going goofy from the hunger," Danny said. "You probably shouldn't be driving."

"I have no idea where the shop is. I'm fine on the road. I make sure I can concentrate there."

"Uh-huh." Danny stared at him. "You're a danger to yourself and others behind the wheel of your redneck pickup truck." Xander rolled his eyes. "Steve, he's so scattered he can't keep linear thoughts."

"He needs to eat," he called back, hauling the people out of the truck to arrest them. "Xander, did you only have five?"

"No, I had seven. One's still probably in the safe hideout from the storms and I think one got free and ran away. He might still be around the house. The neighbor's dog barks a lot."

Danny stared at the kid. "Kono, walk this guy to somewhere he can eat *something* he'll keep down. Please."

"Sure. What're you in the mood for, sir?"

Xander grinned at her. "You're not nearly deadly enough to flirt with me, miss. Only the really deadly and dangerous like me."

"You'd be cuter with some weight."

"Hey, blame the cancer," he said dryly. "And the NID mother fuckers who gave me the serum again on the orders of some higher powers over slayers." Danny and Steve both winced. "Oh, no, guys, we had to talk to Whistler last night and point out that bitching me out for others finding a way to take my spot in the upcoming battles. We had a talk about how it wasn't *my* fault his bosses had *plans*." Kono walked him off. "I'm fine."

"You're grumpy."

"Yeah, life sucks somedays, kiddo."

"I'm not that young."

He looked at her. "Uh-huh. You're in your cute, young, flirty years so you should go hide from me before some of the sort that like me think you might be cute too."

"Who tries to date you?" she asked. "Godzilla?"

"No, the guy who took his name as his use name is still in Japan this year. He'd never touch me because he thinks cancer's contagious." She gaped then looked at Steve, who just nodded he knew about that guy. "It happens." He walked off. "I need to find that little organic shop with the hippie witches. They got me the morning sickness tea that helps sometimes." He frowned as he looked at the nearby shops.

She looked at him. "Let's get some shave ice."

He looked at her. "Why? It's koolaid on ice."

"It's good. It has some good calories. You could use calories." Someone shouted and Xander moved her to shoot the guy in the lower stomach. "Wow," she said. "That's good. Though I could've handled it."

He grinned. "I try." He put his gun up and stared at him. "Watch me pull someone else to the astral plane to show them alllll about the Council, douchebro. I'll show them so much that every government you previously had cowed will rise up and ruin you, and most would even protect the potentials. So, how much is the fee for my head now?"

"Not enough," the guy groaned as he held his stomach. "We'll still stop you."

Xander grinned and waved. "Come at me, bro. Let's see how that works for you." The man tried to get up but Steve kicked him back down and stared at Xander. "I'm not that weak yet. I can take them out. I did when they snuck into the house."

"Where's the hidden area?"

"Under the carrots. There's a pull ring that's partially buried."

Steve blinked. "I'll go find that one and see if we can find the one that's watching. You, go eat. Now."

"I'm fine."

"I don't care. Go. Eat." He pointed. "Kono?" She nodded, walking Xander off again. "We'll help you find that shop later too." He waved then glared at the guy under his foot. "Who are you with and why are you after him?"

"No comment. I have diplomatic immunity."

"I don't care about that. I'm not *arresting* you. Yet." The man blanched, trying to wiggle away. Steve pushed down harder. "No. Let's go talk." He hauled him up and off. "Let's go talk to them, people."

Danny watched the duo go then looked at Steve. "Want me to go nag?"

"He's probably used to it," Steve admitted. "She can charm him into eating."

"Yeah, that won't work. He didn't respond to her being flirty." He followed them, going to nag the kid into eating. He had seen others going through cancer treatments. He caught up to them and pointed. "Let's try there."

"It's fried stuff, really heavy," Xander said quietly. "I won't keep that down. I can't even keep down onion rings I bake in the oven anymore."

"They have some other stuff. Including stuff that has honey, all natural local honey." Xander nodded that might work. "If not, we'll get you some shave ice and we'll eat sweet, flaky stuff." He held the door open for them with a grin. Xander sighed but walked in with the poking from Kono. Danny followed. "Hey."

"Hey, brah," the shopkeeper said, staring at Kono. "The goddess finally came back to visit."

Xander pushed her forward. "Danny said she needed sweet, flaky stuff."

Danny pointed at Xander's head. "He needs stuff like you'd feed Clara. For the same reason."

"That sucks," the guy told him. "We got stuff that she liked when she was going through breast cancer."

"I wish mine was," Xander admitted. "It'd be so much nicer than brain cancer." The guy winced. "Yeah. Food sucks. I've been having morning sickness tea mostly."

"We got stuff for that." He went to get him food and got the two officers stuff they would eat too. "It's got oats. All natural, it's soft so it won't be too harsh. It's got some honey."

Xander sniffed and smiled at him, paying for it and going to sit down.

"He's looking for the hippie witch organic shop," Kono told him.

"Hmm. Yeah, those girls are sweet. They're down by the fountain." He pointed. "Few blocks over." Xander smiled at him for that. "Good luck, man."

"Thanks. I think I need it. This is the relapse." The guy winced but nodded, handing Danny extra napkins because he was a messy eater.

Danny sat down, staring at him. "They gave you more?" he asked quietly. Xander nodded. "You sure?"

"Saw it. Fucking NID," he muttered, stuffing his mouth. "This is really good. I need to bring some of this home for dinner." He kept eating but had to stop and gulp some cold water at one point. "That sucks."

"It's fine," Danny said, patting his wrist in that nice pressure point that handled nausea. Xander gave him an impressed look. "No one taught you about that? It's for motion sickness but it works."

"Actually, no, they give me this green stuff they call a grasshopper. Tastes like drinking pureed grasshopper too. Doesn't work either." He dug in again. "This is really good."

Danny nodded. "It's also pretty good for you. Are you all vegetarian now?"

"No. Now and then I catch a bunny rabbit and have bunny stew or something. It's really expensive to buy groceries out here."

"Yeah, it is," he agreed. "It's shipping fees. Sometimes you can find deals online and order them cheaper than going to the grocery store."

"I don't have net access beyond my phone."

"That could help." Xander ate another bite then grabbed his water to gulp, then Kono's water to gulp. Danny frowned. "Something's weird."

Xander looked up then at him. "It's magic," he muttered. "I don't know why."

"Okay. Maybe we can figure that out." He patted his wrist again, helping him calm down. Chin came in and came over. "We good?"

"Steve's going to find that one. Who were they with?"

"Watcher's Council," Xander told him. "They hate me." The guy behind the counter choked. Xander looked at him. "Hi, I'm formerly Buffy's Xander." He grinned and waved. "Messenger Cordelia told me to move out here."

The guy stared at him. "The one that did graduation?" he demanded.

"Yeah. That was me." He nodded. "And then the army gave me the first dose of serum that gave me a brain tumor." He ate a bite, shrugging some. "I have no idea. I only hunt the harmful things. Really."

"No, I get that," the guy behind the counter said, staring at him. "They've got you down as a great evil."

"If they had left me alone I wouldn't be the guy who's going to tell everyone about them." He grinned. "Any idea what those surges are?"

"There's a chaos based....it's probably reacting to your hellmouth taint."

"That stuff's truthfully nasty," Xander told him. "I had radiation sickness when I first when into the hospital."

The guy blinked. "Wow. Why are they hating the witch?"

"Her wish to heal me came with the clause of soul mates." He grinned. "She keeps trying to kill me too because I have to have a protective owner sort somewhere according to her. Since I haven't found them yet she considers me profaning her wish."

The guy moaned, shaking his head and resting it on the counter. "The hippie witches, if they're the same ones, are related too."

"I'm immune to the hemlock they gave me," Xander quipped. "It still helped and I'm immune to the poison. It might've even shrunk the tumor. By the way, saw it in a visiony thing. NID gave me the serum and tried to give me a third dose about two weeks after I got here. They might still be here somewhere messing up stuff or torturing beings."

"Shit," the guy muttered, going to call someone. "I'll warn them they breached the islands. Where are you living?"

"My farm. It's not too far out of town but I have about an acre to grow veggies on."

"I'll let the right ones know, Harris." Xander grinned. "You eat that and I'll ask the witches to talk to the idiot sorcerers guild."

"The Chaotic Knights?" Xander asked.

"Brother group to them," the guy agreed. "These are young, unproven, and annoying mostly. The CK won't take them because they're young posers with issues."

"Okay, let me know if I have to talk to them. I met the high priest of Janus a few times. He got me possessed by my costume one year and it was *totally* helpful. Especially when we had to handle the Judge in the mall."

The guy stared at him. "You really are him," he said, sounding awed. "Wow." He went to get him more ice water and then called the witches to warn them.

Danny looked at him. "Huh? Judge? He was using his gavel or something?"

"Huge lego demon that got put back together to take out humanity. You had to reseparate him because no weapon built by man could defeat him. If I say more I'll get into trouble with someone like Steve."

Danny put down his cup, staring at him. "How bad could it be?"

"It's somewhere in the ATF's files. They decided it was just a prank after seeing it."

Danny looked at the cousins. Kono was already pulling out her phone to get into the ATF's system. "Look it up under his town's name of Sunnydale."

She found it and watched it then let them see it.

Xander looked over. "They edited it. He was more blue." He went back to eating, ducking his head down. Kono found the original file and they watched it then stared at him. He was trying to sneak off to the bathroom.

"We have found someone worse than Steve," Danny decided. He went to help Xander and talk to him. "Do you do that all the time?"

"No. That's for special events and Steve said I'm not allowed to keep artillery." He blinked at him. "I'm okay."

"I wanted to make sure you're not going to destroy something."

"Only if I have to and I try to warn first."

"Yeah," Danny said with a nod. "Hurry up, we'll make sure you get back to your truck just in case. Any others that bad?"

"Um...don't watch graduation."

"Gotcha." He let Xander use the bathroom and wash his hands then led him back to the station, though he did let Xander get a refill on ice water.

"I'll be back for more of that stuff. It actually stayed down," he said. "That's almost miraculous." He walked out with Kono guarding him again. He grinned at her. "I don't need the honor guard of warriors and warrioresses. Unless they have the fantasy armor."

She poked him on the arm. "I'm tougher than I am pretty."

"Of course you are. I've seen a number of women like that, though they're usually bitchy."

"Your friends?" Danny asked. "Yeah, putting it mildly from what I've heard." He led Xander into the office, looking around. "Steve's not back yet. Sit, Xander." He barked but sat down with a sigh. They got to work arresting the wannabe assassins.

Steve came in carrying an assault rifle the kid took from him to cuddle. "If I need guns, I'm coming to your house," he told him. He handed over the guy he had rescued. "He had a water line to the well and a small light."

"I didn't want to be inhumane," Xander said. "Even though they were trying to kill me. He had a little hole near his feet for whenever he had to pee too."

Steve stared at him. "That makes you a better human but I'm going to use that some day."

"Just don't tear up my garden, Steve."

"I won't. Your carrots are mostly fine. Only a few got displaced so I put them in your kitchen." Xander grinned. "Those are still illegal to own."

"Oh well," Xander quipped, staring at him. "It helped stop that thing in the woods last week. I can't use a sword as well anymore."

Steve shook his head. "Illegal."

Xander shrugged. "Demons," he countered. "Big, slobbery demons who ate kids out to fool around in the woods because sex scents drew it and it really liked virgins."

Danny put his phone down. "I need to do something so my daughter isn't eaten."

"Some are drawn by sluts," Xander told him. "But those sort tend to go for the sex scent stuff. They like to catch them in the act. Some possess them, some eat them, some do gross stuff that would piss you off."

Danny stared at him. "Don't share yet. Teach me that later, Xander." Xander nodded, cuddling his gun. He looked at Steve then at the kid then back at Steve. "Was he the only one?"

"I saw signs someone was stalking the property and talked to a neighbor who was outside. He said he'll call if he sees the guy again."

"I figured he had seen him since his dog barks at him so much," Xander said. "Can I go find the witches?"

"No," Danny said. "We'll make sure they're not giving you hemlock again."

"It actually helped."

Danny stared at him. "Even if you're immune it's not good for you." Xander shrugged. "Yeah, well, no. Sit." Xander got comfortable. "Kono has film of stuff."

Steve took her tablet to look at the files she had pulled up. He blinked at something. "What is that?"

"Is it in a mall?" Xander asked. Steve nodded, still watching the file. "It's called the Judge and it's a lego demon. You put it back together then wake it up. It kills humanity for having emotions."

Steve went to the other files pulled up. "Hmm, the base assault to bring down that project." He switched that one to the back and watched what looked like a graduation ceremony. Then there was latin. And a huge demon. And cheering when it ate the guy who had insulted the graduates. Then an explosion. "Wow." He looked at Xander, who shrugged. "Damn."

Xander grinned. "I did my best. I only had the one possession from a PFC and role playing planning strategies to go on."

"Then I'm really impressed, Xander." He sent that file to O'Neill. And the fact that the kid had stopped some assassins from England. Kono took the tablet to add to that about what he had said in the café. Then she handed it back. Steve read it and rubbed an eye but he finished it and sent it. He got back one almost immediately from someone saying that the general had a hangover and would deal with the other assholes in the universe in a timely manner, once he got some coffee and tylenol. "O'Neill has a hangover."

"That's one thing Whistler was sent to complain about," Xander quipped. "I told him to quit nagging me about things that weren't my doing before I fixed that soulmate problem and got the Council busted open."

"What problem?" Steve asked.

"If you touched them before the wish was cast, it won't pop up your marking," Xander said. "There's a way to fix it but doing so would warp something else and we could end up with pack behavior or other problems. So I haven't."

"Yet?" Danny quipped.

"It could come when I take the tumor."

"Weren't you warned not to do that?" Steve asked him, staring him down.

"Not like it'll be gone some other way," Xander quipped. "Unless someone wanted to wish that I never got given more of that serum, so I'd have at least another two or three years before it comes back."

Steve sighed, shaking his head. "Wishes are double edged swords."

"I know that. I've seen ones that created whole new worlds. Just because I called my girlfriend by Buffy's name by accident. Which led to me having a prom date that's a nympho."

Danny shook his head quickly. "How did that lead there?"

"The wish demon that took the wish from my girlfriend at the time got fired for losing her powers. She used to tell me how she killed people and then demand sex. I took her to the prom." He frowned. "I told you about her when I met you."

"Yeah, I blocked that part out," Danny admitted, wincing and rubbing his forehead. "He dated the vengeance demon that abused women called on their guys," he told Steve.

"That's...probably pretty nasty."

"She was over a millennia old," Xander said. "She told me about a lot of her doings."

Steve held up a hand. "Please don't. I want to eat lunch, Xander."

"Fine. Can I go home?"

"Not yet. Let us find that other guy."

"He could've fled the island," Xander said.

"Hasn't been long enough." He looked at Danny. "Anything on those guys?"

"They suddenly can't even speak British English," he said dryly.

Xander got up and went into the room they were in, staring at them. The officer in there watching them gave him an odd look but Xander ignored him. "So, guys, how are you enjoying trying to kill me? Was your vacation everything you wanted it to be?" They glared. Xander stared back. "You guys haven't realized yet that I'm the sort who'll become creatively weird when people come after me?" One spluttered. "How much is the price on my head this time?"

"A good ten mil. We'll be splitting it very soon."

"Well, if I die in a year or so, you can claim it then." He gave them a pointed look. "Of course I could go to Ireland and claim the Hunter's Vault." Two of them flinched back, shaking their heads. He nodded. "I'm the one doing the job. You guys sit and bitch. You're worse at it than Wesley was when he first got assigned to Sunnydale. And he was a little punk then." He looked them over again. "Just ten mil? You guys could've gotten more than that from a few demon society groups for me helping stop problems. Hell, Wolfram and Hart's price on my head is fifteen. What cheapskates you work for, and they probably won't pay bail."

"Some of us have diplomatic immunity," one said, sounding snotty about it. "I demand to speak to my consulate."

"There's no embassies here in Hawaii," Xander said, leaning closer. "The closest is LA and I'm not so sure they have a British one there. So even more flying. It's eight hours from LA to here. You might want some bail money." The guy tried to headbutt him but Xander got out of the way. "That was really weak. Are you sick too?" The guy growled and tried to get up to attack him but the officer pushed him back down. "You tried to attack me in front of officers.

"That's *real* wise there," he quipped as he walked off. The other guys tried to get him too and Xander kicked around most of them and used the gun to bat someone in the forehead. The officer got two more down. Xander stared at them. "Guys, remember, the hellmouths *all* love me. I can probably figure out how to open them. After all, I carry enough radiation from Sunnydale's that I can use it to activate the others." He walked off. "There, now you have charges you can prove." He left, taking his poor gun baby home.

"I'm going to come check for weapons tonight," Steve yelled after him. He looked at Danny. "He's going to drive me insane."

"Too late," Chin quipped.

"Not hardly." He went to help gather those idiots back into cuffs. "How did they get out?"

"No clue. They muttered but no paperclips or anything. I checked."

"Maybe magic then." One flinched. He smirked. "I've seen others doing it while I was a SEAL." He went back to the office to fill out the paperwork on this bust. It was starting to sound like a crackhead fairytale so he let Danny finish it while he got lunch. He looked up plans for Xander's house so he could figure out where the weapons were hidden this time.


TBC....