Hogwarts, meet Greta Logan and Scott Evil, hope you survive the ride! by josette grover

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“Scott, we're here.” Joxer calls as he and Greta, her ever expanding duffle bag tossed over her shoulder, pop into the hallway outside of Scott's room. Frau immediately opens the door and pulls Joxer and Greta into the room. Greta leans against the wall as Joxer goes over to help Frau and Tooey pack Scott's bags, shrinking them once they're finished.

“Did they tell you where you were going this morning too?” Scott asks, sidling over to his 'cousin' and whispering in the vicinity of her ear.

“Yeah. They yelled for me and told me what was going on just before we left so I wouldn't have time to argue.” Greta snorts. “Are you looking forward to this any more than I am?”

“Hell no, though the fact that we're in this together almost makes going away for seven years worth it. Well, that and I'm going to be away from my Dad, mini-me, and Fat Bastard.” Scott says, watching the door open slowly and the clone try to sneak in. He kicks it savagely shut, smirking at the muffled thud as the clone frantically moves out of the way. “Damn, missed. Little bastards getting faster.” he mutters.

“Scott, do you have everything, liebchen?” Frau comes over, kissing her son and 'niece' on the cheek and forehead. “Your uncle Joxer has arranged for Tooey and I to send you care packages. Here is some money for treats, and Joxer has arranged for a monthly allowance for yourself and Greta at the local bank. Now, I know it's not what you want to do, but you can't allow your magic to run wild like it was. You accidentally blew mini-me up, he was hovering near the ceiling for an hour yesterday.”

“Who said it was an accident?” Scott mutters, just loud enough for Greta to hear. She snickers, hastily turned into a muffled cough, when the others turn to look at them. Joxer rolls his eyes at the innocent looks both teenagers give him, silently wondering how long it will be before the first outraged letter from Hogwarts arrives and how much detention the pair will end up getting.

“Okay, everything's shrunk and in your pockets. Grab the carrier and let's go. Greta, where's Purlina?”

“Sacked out on my bed, why?” Greta asks as Scott asks, “What carrier?” He blinks as a large traveling case is pushed into his hands, looking at the occupant and finally looking happy since he got the awful news this morning. “Biggie!!!!”

“Well, he is your familiar.” Joxer says. “Every student is allowed either a cat, rat, owl, or toad as a familiar. Most get them at Diagon, but we've already made arrangements for you to bring yours with you. Call for Purlina Greta, and let's go.” Almost before he's finished talking, a large panther, easily six feet from nose to tail tip appears across Greta's shoulders, looking disgusted as only a cat can.

“The Leaky Cauldron.” Joxer announces, pulling a small bag of floo powder from his pocket and throwing it in a corner of the room where Tooey placed a lighted candle. Grabbing his nephew and daughter by the shoulders, he shoves them through the fire in front of him, holding them upright when they arrive at the bar.

“Hullo Joxer, this your nephew and daughter?” Tom asks, looking up from rubbing a cloth across the bar.

“Yes, this is Greta and Scott. Greta, Scott, this is Tom. He's the bartender here and he's going to be taking care of you until you go to Hogwarts in about a week. Thanks for agreeing to keep an eye on them, Tom.”

“Not a problem, Joxer. I'll make sure they stay out of trouble and take them to catch the train.” he says, tossing a pair of keys at Joxer. “I gave them the last two rooms on the end.” He says, “They can put their stuff in their rooms and you can take them shopping for their supplies.”

“Dad, where are we?” Greta asks, looking around at the other people in the room, all of them dressed in strange clothing. “And exactly, where are we?”

“You're in the Leaky Cauldron, love.” Tom says, grinning. “And you're in London.”

“Holy shit.” Scott says. “How the heck did we get here so quick?”

“The kids have never traveled by floo, then?” Tom smiles.

“They both live in the States, Las Vegas for Scott and New York for Greta. Neither home is connected to the floo network.” Joxer explains, dropping into a chair as the two teenagers head upstairs. Tom calmly pushes a butterbeer into his hands.. “No fireplaces in either place, though we may make a floo connection somewhere else they can light a fire. We used a candle to travel from Scott's home.”

“I'll sit them down and tell them about floos, then.” Tom says. “I arranged for copies of 'A history of Hogwarts' to be in their rooms.”

“Thanks Tom, you're a lifesaver. We only told Greta and Scott about Hogwarts this morning. We didn't want either of them to have the chance to panic, throw a fit, or hide.”

“Dad?” Greta asks, standing at the foot of the steps. Scott behind her.

“Ready to go you two?” Joxer asks, finishing the butterbeer. Both teenagers nod. Tom waves them through and Joxer walks out the back, leading them to a brick wall that he taps with a wand in a set pattern. “Remember this pattern, you two. It's the only way to get into Diagon.”

“Get into where?” Greta asks, blinking as a portal appears. Joxer puts his hands on both teenagers shoulders and pushes them forward.

“Welcome to Diagon Alley.”

~ ~ ~

“Oops be right back, don't move from this spot.” Joxer says, slapping himself on the forehead. “Tom, I nearly forgot. Greta's student trunk is going to be delivered tonight. I need to take Scott shopping for his tomorrow. Is there somebody around here who can put the spells on it, or did I need to take it home to do it?” Greta can't hear Tom's answer, but the grin on Joxer's face when he reappears tells her it was good news.

“Dad, what are student trunks and why do we need them?” Greta asks, foot tapping as she tries to hold onto her patience. It's been a long damn day and it doesn't look like it's going to end anytime soon.

“Students don't have dressers or closets in your dorm rooms, you're going to need a trunk to keep your belongings, books, and supplies in. That's why Ares dug that old trunk out of his weapons room and put the expanding spells on it for you.” Joxer says, secretly enjoying the dismayed look on Greta's face. “Since you're a good bit older than normal first years, the two of you may have your own rooms. But even then, you won't have a dresser or closet. Ohhh, and since there's no electricity at Hogwarts, there's no tv, radios, hair dryers, computers, etc.” Joxer says with an evil smirk, identical to his daughter's, Hades, and Strife's.

Greta looks at her father, turns and looks around at her surroundings and calmly begins swearing in ancient Greek. “I hate you.” she says calmly. “I hope to hell I get a room of my own. I'm not going anywhere without my laptop, even if I have to charge the battery myself.” she mutters. “Okay, we're in London, I'm going to have to make a supply run. You said we got a week before school starts?” Joxer nods, looking at his daughter with a grin. “How much will these student trunks hold?”

“They're like your duffle bags, they'll hold anything you put in them as long as the spells on them hold.”

“Good, cause I'm going shopping tomorrow morning.” Greta says. “How often can we leave the school? Oh and Dad, Scott's going to need some warmer clothes. This isn't Vegas, they actually have winter here in Merry Olde England. What kind of clothes can we wear at school anyway?”

“First years aren't allowed to leave the school.” Joxer says with a smirk, earning a glare from Greta. “Since you're older than most first years they may make an exception for you, but the school isn't here in London, it's in Scotland and there's only a small village nearby.”

“Why are we in London then?” Scott asks, following the fuming goddess and her grinning father.

“one, you can only get your supplies here in Diagon Alley.” Joxer says, pointing around. “And two, it's 'tradition'. You'll get on a special train in a week and travel most of the day to school. As for clothes, all the students wear uniforms. The school provides the first year student uniforms, but since they first years are mostly ten and eleven, I don't think they'll fit you two. I need to check in with Madam Malkin and see if the Headmaster left instructions with her about your clothes.”

“Okay, you drag us halfway across the world, tell us that we need to wear school uniforms, and now we've got to go to school with ten, eleven year old kids?” Greta says in disbelief. “Tell me I can at at least drink coffee?”

“Not unless you make your coffee with an old fashioned pot you boil over a fire.” Joxer says. “As for the pop, we can send you supply packages. And that's only if you manage to get your own room.”

“Oh, we'd better get our own rooms.” Greta says, “I'm not sharing a room with a bunch of ten, eleven year old kids.” she says.

“Greta, the school has the right to check the contents of a student's trunk at any time. Anything you don't want them find, keep it hidden and make sure they can't find it.”

“Oh, they won't find anything I hide.” Greta says solemnly. “So, shopping in London tomorrow?”

“Yes, we can go shopping in London tomorrow.” Joxer says sighing. “Like you said, Scott is going to need warmer clothes for the weekends when the uniforms aren't required and I need to purchase a trunk for him and have somebody put the spells on it. Tom says that somebody can do it if we bring it back, otherwise, I'll have to take it home and have Hecate put the spells on it. She redid the spells on yours, it should be at the Leaky Cauldron by the time we get done shopping.”

“This is Gringott's,” Joxer says, walking into a white marble building. Scott lets out a startled eep when he sees a goblin for the first time, jumping back out of reflex. “Scott, it's just a goblin. They run the bank” After a quick stop at the vaults and a explanation of the wizarding money denominations, they leave the bank.

“So what are we getting here?” Scott asks as they walk into a shop.

“Your potions supplies. It's one of the classes taught at the school. I need two first year potions boxes.” Joxer tells the woman behind the counter. “We'll pick up your cauldrons next.”

“Cauldrons, like in Shakespeare. Boil, boil, toil and trouble.” Scott says in disbelief.

“Actually Scott, the true quote is 'Bubble, bubble, toil and trouble/fire burn and cauldron bubble' “ Joxer says, snickering at his nephew's mangling of the line. “But yes, that's the general idea. Potions are made in cauldrons, and that's one of the classes they won't let you test out of.”

“Yes..” Joxer says patiently, taking the boxes, handing them to the others. “Hold onto these until we get your potions, then you can put them and your other supplies in there until we get back to the Leaky Cauldron.”

The stops at the cauldron shop, bookstore, and stationery are uneventful, though Joxer does grin at the whining of Greta and Scott when they find out they need to write on parchment with fountain pens and ink bottles. “Jeez, talk about medieval.” Greta mutters under her breath. “Haven't they ever heard of ink pens.” Greta shuffles the bag of books onto her other shoulder and sighs. They'd been greeted by a pile of books when Joxer had entered the store. It appears that the Headmaster had ordered some more books for the two, so they had the standard first year books plus some other books for other classes not normally held at Hogwarts.

Joxer leads the way into Madam Malkin's, smiling as the older woman gets to her feet with a smile. “Joxer, so good to see you. Albus told me that you were coming today with your daughter and nephew. . . Oh dear.” Her voice trails off as she sees the young woman entering the store behind Joxer. “I think we have a problem here.”

“Ahh shit, I hate when people say that.” Greta whines. “Why me?” she looks up at the ceiling. “Okay, what did I do this time?” she asks Madam Malkin with a sigh.

“Oh dear, I'm afraid you're not going to fit the normal first year uniforms.” Madam Malkin says, waving one of her fitters to come with the uniforms Albus had sent down. “And I'm forbidden to alter first year uniforms.”

“Greta, run in the fitting room and try these on.” Joxer says, taking the bundle of clothes and shoving them in his daughter's hands. “Let's see how bad it really is.”

“Is this a skirt or a funny colored handkerchief?” Joxer can hear Greta grumble from the fitting room. “Oh, I don't fucking think so.”

“Greta, language.” Joxer calls from the outer room.

“Dad, right now, I think I'm allowed.” Greta says, opening the curtain and coming out into the room. Joxer blinks as he sees the skirt hover somewhere just below her panty line, leaving her legs uncovered from hips to ankles. The robe she's wearing isn't any longer, looking more like a beach cover-up. She sits down, propping her legs, crossed at the knees to prevent any sight of underwear, on the back of the of another chair.

“Okay, If i show up at school wearing this, I'm going to make a scene. And it's not a scene I want to make.” she grumbles. Scott stares at his cousin, making fish out of water faces.

~ ~ ~

“Oh dear, I'm afraid you're right.” Madam Malkin says, heading for the fireplace. “Hogwarts, Albus Dumbledore.” She says, throwing a pinch of floo powder into the fire.

“Floo powder can be used to talk to people as well as travel.” Joxer tells his nephew and daughter. “I used the lighted candle as a floo, but it's better if you have an actual fire.”

“Madam Malkin, can it wait?” a face appears in the fire. “I'm rather busy at the moment.”

“Your new exchange students are here, and I'm having trouble with the young woman's uniforms.”

“Can Minerva handle it?” Albus asks, sighing. Across the room, Minerva puts down her paperwork and comes closer to the fire.

“I think it's better if she did. Albus, the young woman is over six feet tall, the skirt barely covers her underwear.”

“I doubt it's that bad, Madam Malkin.” He says soothingly, blinking as a young woman carefully stands up and walks across the room towards the fire. He thinks for a moment that she's not wearing anything from the waist down until she comes closer and he tears his gaze away from her long legs, seeing the skirt barely covering her underwear. “Oh dear, I'm afraid you're right.” He looks over at Minerva, who is staring in disbelief.

“Ms. Logan, there were two skirts in the bundle I gave your father. Please put the longer skirt on and see if it's any better.” Madam Malkin says over her shoulder as Minerva McGonagall rapidly leaves the room.

“This is the longer skirt, Madam Malkin.” Greta says, “The other skirt didn't even cover my underwear.” Albus moans as the young lady in question turns around, her skirt moving and showing a flash of underwear. Greta carefully sits back down, smirking evilly.

“Greta, you didn't need to do that. Albus really didn't need to see your underwear.” Joxer says mock-sternly, inwardly wishing he could join Ares and Hades who are rolling on the floor howling with laughter back on Mount Olympus. “I agree, you do not need to make that kind of first impression at Hogwarts.”

“Be glad I'm wearing real underwear Dad,” Greta snorts. “I could have been wearing a thong.” Joxer and Scott moan while Madam Malkin, Minerva(who just came running through the door) and Albus ask 'what's a thong' in unison.

“Are you the guy I need to talk to about getting my own room?” Greta asks, pointing a finger at the fire. “I'm telling you right off, I'm not going to share a room with a bunch of ten and eleven years olds. Nope, Nada, no way Jose, zip, zilch, zero, not going to happen.” Scott shakes his head vigorously in agreement. “Him neither.” Greta points a thumb in his direction.

“Miss Logan,” Albus takes a deep breath as Greta makes a motion to stand back up again. “While it is tradition that our students wear uniforms and live in a dorm room while at school, I believe that we can make an exception for yourself and Mr. Evil. You will still need to be sorted into a House, you will sit at their table for meals and other events, you will have full use of your House's common room, but I will be placing you and your cousin in rooms by the teachers.”

“Thank you Albus, I believe that will be better for everybody's sakes. Unless you were looking forward to Greta teaching the first years to swear in dialects of Russian, Greek, and Latin when somebody wakes her up in the morning.”

“And there's something you need to know, I have recurring bouts of insomnia. I doubt you'd like me keeping the other students up because I can't sleep. I generally read, write on various projects I have going on, or work out. Does the school have a gymnasium?” Dumbledore shakes his head no slowly.

“Not to mention the fact you'd probably keep them up even if you were asleep.” Joxer snorts. “Albus, Greta snores, loudly. You might want to think of putting up a silencing charm on her room.”

“Can Miss Logan not alter her sleeping arrangements so she doesn't snore?” Albus asks, pinching his nose as he realizes just how much the presence of these two are going to shake up his beloved school.

“If you mean sleep on my stomach, no.” Greta snorts. “I snore louder on my stomach.”

“I believe that Madam Pomfrey has potions that can help with that.” Albus begins to say, abruptly broke off by Joxer. “We already tried those Albus, they either don't work or work too well because they stop her breathing. You can't snore if you're dead.” /though Greta probably would./ he thinks, while Ares and Hades howl at the image.

“Oh, I just thought of something. Greta's six foot seven and still growing. A normal student bed isn't going to fit her.” Joxer says as Albus gets ready to end the floo call.

“Oh dear, are you sure?”

“That I'm 6' 7 1/2” ? Yeah. That most normal beds don't fit? Yeah! If your student beds are twin size beds, ohhhh yeahhhhh!!!!” Greta says dryly. “I haven't fit on a twin sized bed since I was nine or ten.”

“Albus, would it be possible for us to come to Hogwarts and try a bed? That would give you time to get a bigger bed for Greta's room.” Joxer says dryly. /And give Greta a chance to look at her room and find all the hiding places for the goodies I know she's going to bring along, even if she has to head back home to shop./

“Yes Joxer, I believe that would be best.”

“Greta, hurry up and get dressed. We're going to school.” Joxer calls over his shoulder as Greta gets up and goes back into the changing room, showing everybody her underwear once again.

“Thank God she wasn't wearing a thong.” Joxer says softly.

“What exactly is a thong?” Albus, Minerva, and Madam Malkin ask in unison again.

“It's a style of underwear that only has a small panel of fabric in the front, a strip of fabric that goes between the legs, leading to a small line of cloth that goes between the butt cheeks in back.” Joxer draws one in the dust of the fireplace. “A second line of cloth is at the top, holding it up.”

“Women actually wear those things?” Madam Malkin and Minerva gasp in unison.

“Men do too.” Scott smirks. “They're actually quite comfortable, when you're not reaching back to pull the floss out of your butt crack.”

“Tell me you are not wearing a thong, or worse.” Joxer looks at his nephew.

“Heck no, I only wear thongs as a treat for Tooey. Ma made sure I was wearing real underwear today.”

“Greta, hurry up. We're waiting on you.” Joxer calls in the direction of the changing room.

“Hold your horses Dad, I'm coming.” Greta says, coming out of the changing room changed into her old clothes. “Wait a second, I thought you said that the school was in Scotland.”

“It is, like I said before. If you are connected to the floo network, you can go anywhere. There is a limit though, so if you have to travel a long way, there's portkeys.”

“Portkeys?” Scott and Greta ask in unison.

“That's an advanced class, you won't be getting that for a few years.” Joxer grabs Greta and Scott by the elbows. “Madam Malkin, can you have somebody run their supplies to the Leaky Cauldron for us or do you want me to take them with us?” He asks over his shoulder.

“Off with you, I'll have one of the others run them over for you.” Madam Malkin says, waving a hand as Joxer follows Minerva through the fire, pulling a complaining Scott and Greta with him by the elbows.

“Dad, can we please not do that?” Greta says sourly, wiping the dust off herself when Joxer releases her to hold Scott upright as he holds his stomach. “Ohh man, I haven't felt that sick since I accidentally caught a glimpse under Bastard's kilt.” He moans.

“Miss Logan, Mr. Evil, Welcome to Hogwarts.”

~ ~ ~
Albus looks at his two new students as they recover from the floo trip from Madam Malkin's. The young woman recovers first, brushing herself off before looking around. He stifles a gasp when he sees her power aura, she's more powerful than himself, Harry, and 'He who must not be named' combined. No wonder she had been receiving individual tutoring. He's thankful that her family likes Hogwarts, it will make Beauxbaton's Academy of Magic and Durmstrang Institute jealous to have this powerful a student, especially with her pureblood pedigree, attending his school. He looks at the young man, slowly straightening up and complaining he hasn't felt this sick since he accidentally got a glimpse under somebody's kilt and smiles inwardly, while not in the league of his cousin, he's powerful as well.

“Why don't you follow Minerva out to the bathrooms so you can clean up?” Albus says, sitting behind his desk and looking at Joxer, letting him know he wants to talk to him privately. “I'll have the house elves send up a snack.”

“House elves?” Greta asks, looking over her shoulder at her father.

“Think larger, more outgoing, vocal versions of Cherubim.” Joxer says. “They cook, clean, and do laundry for the school.”

“Ahh,” Greta says, looking over at Scott who still looks lost. “Remember those little guys who you saw during the last family reunion? The ones who brought in food, cleaned up the rooms, and ran errands?” Scott nods. “Think larger versions of them.”

“Okay.” Scott says, eeping as one pops into view at Dumbledore's request. “You get used to it after a while.” Greta says soothingly, patting his arm as they follow Minerva from the room. Greta smirks as she catches McGonagall's disapproving look, quickly hid when she sees the young woman looking her direction, at the idea of a girl wearing pants. Joxer silently sighs. Oh, this is going to be a problem. Oh well, Minerva will recover. . . eventually, after all Greta and Scott are only going to be there seven years. Meanwhile, back at Mount Olympus Strife cackles at the idea of the buzz he's going to get from Minerva and Greta butting heads.

“While I'm glad that your daughter and nephew will be attending class here at Hogwarts, I was wondering why they didn't attend school in the United States.”

“Well,” Joxer says, dropping into a chair across the desk from Albus. “The New York school's been sniffing after Greta since she first started showing signs of magic. But Steven and Vernon took a tour of the school and were appalled at what they were teaching. They felt that Greta would do better with individual teaching from them and taught her themselves using books the school recommended, along with other books. She's been doing good with them as teachers, has a good knowledge of magical practices and principles, but her Great-Aunt likes this school and wants her to attend. As for Scott, he's just come into his magic, he'd be called a late bloomer in your world. His father's not a nice man, so the American schools don't want him as a student, even if they took students at his age, and Durmstrang doesn't allow muggle born students to attend. He's coming into everything new.”

“I think I can arrange for tutors for Scott to help him catch up.” Albus says, “He's not the first student we've had who had no idea of magic before arriving at school. Most of our parents teach their students the basics before they arrive.”

Greta and Scott come back into the room a couple minutes later, Greta already has a notebook and pen in her hands, making a list.

“Greta?”

“I'm making a list of what I'm going to need to get before I come back.” Greta says, looking up at her father. “I didn't know I wouldn't be able to leave the school grounds, so I'm going to have to stock up on necessities, and cat stuff for both 'lina and Biggie.” Scott moans, slapping his palm on his forehead and bringing his hand down. “I didn't even think about them.”

“'lina and Biggie?”

“Scott and Greta's familiars. They came with us, we left them at the Leaky Cauldron. I'll run and get some food, litter boxes, and litter for them if your Mom and Tooey didn't send some along.” Joxer reassures Scott.

“Ohh, can I take a look at my room before we leave?” Greta asks after finishing the snack the house elves brought up. “In case I need to see about a larger bed?” Dumbledore nods, leading the way down the hall between the towers where most of the teachers, those who are not heads of Houses have their rooms.

“Both of these rooms have their own baths.” He says, opening a door. “This suite has it's own bathing room, toilet facilities, sitting room, study area, and bedroom.” He says, showing Greta around. “Young Scott's room will be identical to this suite, he says, showing Scott his room after Greta lays down on the bed, showing Minerva and Albus the fact that her legs from the knees down hang off the edge of the bed.

“We'll arrange for this bed to be replaced by a larger one.” Albus says, summoning a house elf and giving him a note to take to the furniture maker. “I do ask that you take the time to talk to the man, since this is going to be your bed, and you will be taking it with you when you leave.”

“I doubt he's going to be able to make a bed that quickly.” Greta snorts. “It took a couple of months to have my bed special ordered, and most of that was having a mattress made just for the bed.”

“We will see, Miss Logan. We will see.” Albus says soothingly as the house elf returns with a note from the builder. His face falls as he reads the note.

“It appears that you are correct. He cannot make a bed custom made to your specifications before the school year arrives.”

“Told you it wouldn't be that quick.” Greta mumbles under her breath as Minerva returns with a small man floating in midair who huddles with Albus and Minerva, saying something about a stretching spell on the bed tuned to her, a similar spell on the bathroom facilities so the shower head and tub is comfortable for her. Joxer smiles and leaves them to their talk after taking measurements of Greta's body, heading back for the floo to return to Diagon Alley.

~ ~ ~
The floo lights up as Madam Malkin turns around, smiling as she sees Joxer, his daughter, and his nephew walking back into her store. “Thank you for the loan of the floo, Madam.” Joxer says, smiling at the woman, bending over her hand and kissing it gently, like Aphrodite taught him years ago. “Greta, Scott, the owl emporium is a few stores down. Why don't you run and get some supplies for your cats for the night until we can run into London and do some major shopping?”

Scott and Greta snicker as they leave the building, bumping into a group of redheads, a girl with light brown hair, and a brunette young man entering the store. The woman shepherding the group stops and stares at the young woman leaving the building wearing muggle clothes, and horror of horrors, pants. The two girls in the group turn around and watch them leave before entering the building.

“Madam Malkin, who were those young woman and man who just left?” Molly asks, entering the building.

“My daughter and nephew.” A male voice says, turning to look at the disapproving mother. “They're American and women do wear pants in the muggle world.” He says soothingly, using his godhood to soothe the two women. “They're going to be attending Hogwarts next week, and we had to talk to Madam Malkin about whether or not they'd need uniforms.”

“She will be changing into more proper clothing, won't she?” Molly asks.

“Doubt it.” Joxer snorts. “Greta doesn't like dresses or skirts, she dresses for comfort and she doesn't care if this makes people uncomfortable or not. Like Greta's said before, they don't have to look at me if what I'm wearing bothers them.” The lone brown haired girl the group nods vigorously. “We really do, Mrs. Weasley. I wear skirts while I'm in the wizarding world, but when I'm in muggle London I wear pants.”

“What must her poor mother think.:” Molly Weasley snorts. “I don't care what muggle women think, wearing pants is just wrong.”

“Greta doesn't have a mother, but as one of her fathers.” Joxer says in a deadly calm voice. “I can tell you that I don't have the least bit problem with Greta wearing pants.” Molly gulps silently and shuts up. “The headmaster has already told us that she doesn't have to wear the school uniform, so the students will just have to get used to her running around in pants at the school.”

“Why doesn't she have to wear the uniform?” the lone redheaded female in the group pipes up. “I think it's neat that she doesn't have to, but it's not fair to make the others wear skirts.”

“Because the school uniforms don't fit her, Ginevra.” Madam Malkin says calmly. “Greta tried a uniform on, and the skirt was much too short.”

“You're muggle born?” Joxer asks the brown haired girl in the group. She nods vigorously. “It looked like a mini-skirt on her, but shorter. The longer skirt barely covered her knickers, the other skirt didn't even do that.” Molly, Ginny, Hermione, Ron, and Harry blush in unison. “If you'll excuse me ladies, I need to find Greta and Scott, we still need to go to Ollivander's and get their wands for school. Scott just came into his magic and Greta's never used a wand in her life, so I'm afraid it's going to be messy.”

“What year is she going into?” Molly asks, interested in the poor young motherless young girl. She just needs a mother's tender love, she'll be wearing skirts and acting like a proper young Witch in no time. Joxer inwardly winces as the cackling of Ares, Hades, and Strife nearly deafens him. /Jeez, don't deafen me, you three./ he begs the cackling gods. /It's hard enough keeping a straight face as it is./

“Technically, first year because she hasn't attended a magic school before, her other fathers tutored her privately. But we expect her to catch up quickly. She's not quite seventeen, Scott her cousin's nineteen, but he's a late bloomer. Dumbledore has already said that he'd arrange tutors for them when school starts. He's already decided that, since they're so much older than the other first years, they're getting their own rooms as well.”

“Sweet.” Ron says, “how did they manage that?”

“Greta's six foot seven and still growing, she won't fit on a normal student bed.” Joxer says dryly, “in fact, Greta wouldn't even fit on a full-sized bed there, Dumbledore wanted to have a new bed made for her but the furniture maker couldn't make one before the school year started. When we left, they were talking about charms on the bed and bathroom tuned to her so they'd adjust to her.”

“Dad,” Greta says, sticking her head in the door, “Scott and I got enough stuff for our cats until we can go to London. They had the cutest kittens there, but 'lina would have a fit if she had any competition.”

“That cat of yours is spoiled rotten.” Joxer says fondly. “There's one more store we need to visit before I drop you and your cousin off at the Leaky Cauldron. Can the two of you shop in London by yourself or do you need me to come with you? I've got a ton of work at home, but I can put it off for another day if you need me.” Greta looks over her shoulder at Scott.

“We should be okay dad. I talked to the bank, our debit cards will work here in London once we told them we'd be here for attending school for the year. Where did you plan on getting Scott's trunk?”

“Harrods,” Joxer says, “like you said earlier, this isn't Las Vegas and Scott's going to need some warmer clothes this winter. Make sure you're stocked up on supplies, you won't be able to leave the school grounds until December.”

“Wanna bet?” Greta smirks. “Trust me, they wouldn't catch me if I decided to sneak off to London for a couple of hours. I've teleported from the space station to New York, now that I know where to go it won't be a bit of trouble to teleport from the school to London.” she tells her father in Greek.

“Don't get caught.” Joxer says in the same language. “And ask Scott if he wants to go with you one night if you do sneak off.” he says. “Make it a Friday night, coming back Saturday morning before breakfast, that way you'll have most of the day to sleep in.”

“Excuse me,” Hermione asks excitedly, briefly wondering what the pair had said to each other. “You're from the United States, right?”

“Yes, I'm from New York and Scott's from Las Vegas.”

“I'm a Third year, or I will be when school starts,” she corrects herself. “Starting with the third year the school has a class called Muggle studies. I've been asked to help the teacher with some things, maybe Dumbledore can arrange for you two to help as well. I'm sure the other students would be interested in hearing about the United States.” Greta looks interested for a second, looking at Joxer. “If the teacher and the Headmaster agree.” He says. “Now, we need to get the two of you wands and then get something to eat. Breakfast was a long time ago. If we got time, we might be able to go shopping in London today still, if not I'll pick you up at the Cauldron tomorrow morning.”

“Umm, would it be possible for me to come along?” Hermione asks quietly. “I need to pick up a few things before school starts too.” she says when Joxer and Greta turn to look at her.

“You can come if you want,” Joxer says quietly. “You can tell Greta what she needs to stock up on before she gets to school.” Hermione looks at Mrs. Weasley, the woman she's staying with for the two weeks before school starts with her parents off on a dental convention. “You may go, Hermione, if Ginevra, Harry, Ron and I accompany you.” Mrs. Weasley looks at Joxer, who nods in agreement.

“Meet us at the Leaky Cauldron after breakfast.” He says, smiling at the others as he pushes Greta out of the building.
~ ~ ~
Greta and Scott follow Joxer into a small building, walking into a room with walls and walls of small boxes. The old man who comes into the room stops and stares them, coming around the counter and clasping Joxer's hands before turning his attention to Greta and Scott.

“Good to see you, I see you brought your nephew and daughter for their wands. When are you going to break down and get one of your own?” He asks, pulling out a tape measure and quickly measuring both teenagers. He bustles into the back of the room, returning with an armful of boxes, putting them down in front of Greta then going back in and getting another armful of boxes he puts in front of Scott.

Two long hours later, Greta and Scott follow Joxer outside, blinking at the sunlight after being in the dark building for so long. Greta looks at the wand Ollivander had finally fitted her for, feeling bad for the older man. He'd worked so hard trying to find the perfect wand for her. She slides it into a hidden pocket of her shirt, no idea what she'll ever do with it but still, he finally found one that feels right for her.

Looking over at her cousin, she sees the group they had been talking to at Madam Malkin's coming out of the bookstore. “Are we done, Dad?”

“Yes, we are.” Joxer says, seeing the direction she's looking. “Mrs. Weasley, are you finished?” He asks, coming up to her and offering to carry a bag.

“Why yes, we are. The bookstore was our last stop for the day. We're heading home now so the kids can get their trunks ready for school.” She says, ushering Ginny ahead of her through the portal with a hand on her shoulder. They all enter the Leaky Cauldron, the smell of food cooking causing more than one stomach to start growling.

“Can I impose on you to have lunch with me, Greta, and Scott? The others as well? Scott and Greta haven't been to a magical school before, I was hoping the others might tell them what they can expect at Hogwarts.”

“I can't today, how about tomorrow after we go shopping? Scott and Greta could come to the Burrow and have lunch with us.” She says, looking at the other parent as Greta and Scott, drooping from the shopping spree, head upstairs to their rooms. “If you don't mind my asking, why are they staying here instead of at home?”

“A combination of the rest of the family being busy and neither of them knowing anything about the wizarding community before now. I felt that spending the week before school starts here will let them get used to it gradually instead of all at once.”

“I understand, Harry was so lost when he arrived at Hogwarts.” Molly says, shaking her head. “ I don't know how the younger muggle-born students handle it without somebody to help them.” She watches as Hermione and Harry, followed by her boys and Ginny use the floo to head home. “We'll be here early tomorrow morning. Don't worry, Harry, Ron, and Hermione will tell your two everything they need to know about Hogwarts.” Molly follows Ginny through the floo, the fire changing when she walks through the other side.

Joxer smiles as a young boy runs up, handing him a note. He reads the note and looks up from his spot at a table when Scott and Greta drop heavily into chairs across from him. Tom had seen them coming and comes out with a plate of toast, bowls of hearty stew, and a kettle of tea.

“Go ahead and eat you two, we'll run into London afterwards.” He says softly. “I have a note from Albus, he's asked Madam Malkin to make a special uniform for you two. You don't have to wear it all the time, but you do have to wear them at the welcoming feast, any classes you might have with the other students, the teachers will quiz you the first week and give you lesson plans for the classes you don't have to take with the other first years, and any special occasions. When you're in your room or not in classes, you can wear your normal clothes. Students are allowed to wear normal clothes on the weekends when they don't have class, so you won't look too conspicuous, and they'll set up a room for you to work out in Greta, since the school doesn't have a gym or physical education classes.” Scott sighs in relief at that.

“Ready to go, you two. Ares and I have a flat in London, we'll floo there and you can decide what we need to buy for school.”

“I thought we were going to go shopping tomorrow.” Scott asks, looking over his shoulder as Joxer leads them to the floo.

“We are, but today we're going for the sort of stuff they don't want you to have at Hogwarts.” Joxer says quietly in his nephew's ear. “Today, we're going to the virgin superstore so Greta can stock up on dvds and cds, then we'll get a cupboard you can shrink and make invisible for your goodies. Then, the bookstore for the non-wizarding books.”

Scott cackles as he follows Joxer through the floo fire, finally getting used to this way of travel.

They arrive back at the Leaky Cauldron three hours later, a number of items that normal Wizards wouldn't recognize made small and hidden in their bags until they can be set up at their rooms at Hogwarts. A couple of mini dorm fridges, a small freezer for ice cream, a microwave, coffee maker, dvd player and television, all spelled to work off of the magic inhabiting Hogwarts and not electricity, bags of cat food and kitty litter, enough to last six months or until December break, and boxes and boxes of Scott's favorite food, Hot Pockets.

Greta looks up at the knock on the door, coming out to follow Scott down the stairs for dinner. Joxer had dropped them off at the Leaky Cauldron, telling them he'd see them in the morning. Tom looks up, handing the two teenagers trays of food to take back to their rooms so they could read Hogwarts: A History” and write down any questions they might have for the others in the morning. He's shown them the owls so they can write home, and he sees both teenagers dropping off thick letters to be sent to America, despite having only been gone less than a day.

~ ~ ~

Greta puts the tray outside her room like Tom had told her to, heading for the bathroom to soak in the tub. She mutters under her breath, and the tub is suddenly longer, deeper, and the water boiling hot before she slips into it, while jets the bathtub didn't have a minute ago squirt water on tired, sore muscles. She'd read a couple of chapters of Hogwarts, and started in on her magical history and theory books, hoping that she'd be able to test out of the subject. A winking Hermione had said that she could have a copy of her old notes for the first year classes, telling her that she should be able to test out of at least History of Magic and maybe Charms, the others tended to be more hands on classes.

Hermione had laughed at Scott's question of, do you have all these classes every day, relieved when she had told him that they only have the classes once or twice a week at most. She and Harry had had to explain to the others that Muggle schools had the same classes every day for their students, the others had wondered just how anybody had time for homework, studying, or actually learning anything when they're taught like that. Molly had shook her head sadly when Greta, Hermione, and Scott said they don't.

Meanwhile, back on Mount Olympus Joxer flashes in and calmly swats Strife, Ares, and Hades across the back of the head with his hand. “Hard enough to keep a straight face without you three laughing hyenas bursting my eardrums.” He mutters dropping onto a couch. “This place is going to be awfully quiet the next few years without Greta popping in and out.”

“Okay, I just found out a few things from Molly and the others that Hecate didn't bother to tell us.” He announces, causing the other three to look at him, all traces of laughter leaving their faces. “The wizarding community is at war, somebody called Voldemort is trying to kill one of the students.”

“What???” Ares asks in a deadly calm voice, “And why didn't we know about this before now? Hecate, get your witchly ass here right now.” He bellows to the middle of the air. A minute or so later, the goddess of night terrors and witchcraft appears at the temple, glowering at her nephew.

“Do you mind Ares, I do have things to do.”

“Why didn't you tell us the wizarding world was at war before we agreed to allow Greta and Scott to attend Hogwarts?” He asks in the same deadly calm voice.

“Why do you think I wanted them to attend this year?” She snorts. “Right now Voldemort hasn't been reborn yet, Greta can use her godhood to destroy him once and for all, along with all his death eaters. As many people as he's hurt, she won't have any trouble calling vengeance down on him, and you two can help her deal with the others. And judging from the vibes I've been getting from Greta, Minerva, and Molly, Strife is going to have such a rush from all the mischief Greta's going to cause just by being herself. Add Scott and my favorite mischief-making twins there. . . “ Hecate pops out of the temple cackling.

“I am going to go complain to Mother.” Ares growls, standing up. “I don't appreciate Hecate using my daughter to take care of her problems in the wizarding community. Joxer, will you go to the halls of time and get all the information you can on 'Lord' Voldemort?” Ares makes his name into a swear word.

“Already did, Ares.” Joxer tosses a glowing ball to his husband. “I made a couple of copies in case we needed proof.”

Mount Olympus echoes with screams coming from various temples, mostly male but a few female.

Ares pops back into his temple the next morning, dropping onto his throne heavily as Joxer comes out of the bedroom to meet Molly and the kids for shopping in London. Joxer pauses long enough to kiss him on the cheek as Hades stumbles out of the room, half asleep and looking like he's been ravaged by a pack of lions or a husband trying to take his mind off more serious matters, dressed in human clothes. Joxer smiles as he pushes a cup of coffee in both of his husbands hands, waiting until they've finished drinking before asking them questions.

“Where are you going?” Ares asks, tilting his face up to accept a kiss from Hades once he's waken up.

“Going with Joxer to take the kids shopping, and talk to the others after we eat lunch.” Hades growls. “I'm going to enjoy dealing with 'Lord' Voldemort when I get my hands on him, though I don't like the fact that Greta's the one who has to deal with him.” Finishing a second mug of coffee, Hades follows Joxer out of the Temple of War.

~ ~ ~
“Hey Scott, c'mere!” Greta snickers, poking her head out the door and waving her cousin into the room.

“Yeah, whatcha want Greta?” Scott says, sleepily. “I was just about to go down and get something to eat before everybody arrives.”

“I”ll join you in a second, I just got an e-mail from a friend. You remember Josette, don't you?”

“AKA, our fearless author from another universe? Yeah, she's still got some unfinished stories of mine I'd like to see completed.” Scott complains, pouting.

Greta snorts. “Everybody's got some uncompleted stories of theirs they'd like to see her complete. Anyway, Harry Potter is a series of books and movies in her world, and she found this list of what not to do at Hogwarts posted on a HP list.. She thought you'd like them.” Greta snickers and pushes Scott into a chair in front of her laptop, reading the list over his shoulder.

“Ohhh, I like this.” Scott smirks. “I think I'm going to have a lot of fun with this, once I figure out just who and what these things are. Number three and six are my favorites.”

“Why did I think those would get your attention?” Greta smirks. “I like number 28 myself,” She turns to look back at bed where 'lina is washing herself. “They don't say anything about panthers, just snow leopards, so I should be good. Did you read number 14?”

“No,” Scott scrolls back up to read the item, cackling.

“Yeah, I thought of you when I read it too.” Greta snorts. “Shut the laptop down and put it in my trunk. I'm getting hungry and the others should be arriving anytime.”

Scott follows Greta down the stairs, wincing when she lets out an ear-splitting squeal and throws herself into Hades arms. “I didn't know you were coming too, today.” Greta pulls herself from her Dad's arms and looks at him. “Uh, oh, I know that look. What's wrong now.”

“I'll explain later, sweetheart. Let's just say that there's some things that are wrong that your Great Aunt wanted you to take care of for her. Unfortunately, she didn't let any of us know beforehand. Your Daddy Joxer only found out last night when he overheard a few things. Your Dad and Grandparents spent most of the night yelling at her for getting you involved like this, but it is your godhood.” Hades whispers in her ear in ancient Greek in case somebody's trying to eavesdrop.

“What's the matter?” Scott asks quietly. “Let's go upstairs to Greta's room, we'll ward the room and let you know.” Joxer says, waving Tom over and talking quietly to him. The other man returns five minutes later with trays of food and drink, watching as they walk up the stairs.

“Okay, we just found out last night that the wizarding world is at war.” Joxer says, leaning against the door after both he and Hades had warded the room against any hint of eavesdropping. “There's a person named Voldemort who wants to wipe out non pureblood wizards and witches, and has killed and hurt a number of people, including your new friend Harry and his parents. Harry's parents' were killed when he was a baby, and Voldemort tried to kill Harry too, but didn't succeed. He's dead, but he has tried to come back twice since Harry started attending Hogwarts. Your Aunt wants you to deal with him as Goddess of Vengeance, there's no lack of people who would be willing to call vengeance on him.”

“Okay,” Greta says slowly, “What do we have on this guy?” Hades tosses her the orb Joxer brought from the halls of time. Greta catches it, absorbing the information. Scott backs off as Greta's face grows hard as ice, proving beyond a doubt that Ares is her father. Greta begins pacing in the little room left, thinking out loud as she ticks items off on her fingers.

“Okay, I can think of at least three people who would call vengeance on him, getting me involved. Harry himself, Neville Longbottom since his parents were tortured by Voldemort's Deatheaters, and Sirius Black, Harry's godfather who was falsely imprisoned at Azkaban.”

“Speaking of Harry's godfather,” Joxer says, “He's escaped. Everybody's afraid he's going to head to Hogwarts and try to kill Harry.” Joxer tosses Greta another ball of energy. “Here's what really happened. If you can find Pettigrew, Black can prove his innocence.”

“Okay, so I need to deal with Moldy Voldy, his death eaters, and the Ministry of Magic/Dementors who are after Sirius, protect him until we can find Pettigrew and prove his innocence, and still pass my classes. Wonderful.” Greta whines, looking up at the ceiling. “Why me?”

“Well, it's a good thing that Hermione offered you copies of her first year notes, didn't she?” Scott snickers. “I know, it's not funny, but when it rains it pours.”

“I hate you.” Greta says without any heat, dropping onto the bed and taking the tray Joxer shoves in her direction. “Okay, at least I'll have more time to prowl Hogwarts looking for Sirius Black if I manage to test out of some of these classes.” Greta says, thinking out loud. “ 'lina, will you let me know if you see this guy?” Purlina looks up at the ball of energy, reading it and memorizing his power signature, then butting Greta's hand with her head. “I'll take that as a yes. Okay, hopefully I can get Hermione to tutor me, that will keep me somewhat near Harry and the others in case Moldy Voldy tries to attack him again.” Greta finishes the meal, burping gently as a knock is heard at the door and Tom sticks his head in, telling them that Mrs. Weasley and the kids have arrived.
~ ~ ~

Molly smiles as she sees Greta and Scott walk down the stairs, followed by her father and another man. She blinks, that shock of silver hair, identical to Greta's, leaves little doubt as to their relationship.

“Mrs. Weasley, may I present my husband, 'Des.” Joxer says, bending over and kissing her hand again. “Would it be possible to speak later today after we have gone shopping? I found out some things last night that are rather alarming.” He says quietly, looking over at the kids. Hermione hands Greta a thick roll of scrolls and she heads upstairs to put them in her room..

“Oh dear, you didn't know about you-know-who?” Molly asks, watching her children, including Hermione and Harry in that category, get to know their new schoolmates.

“No, we didn't.” Joxer says, “and I think that's something Dumbledore should have told us when we spoke to him to enroll Greta and Scott. As should have Greta's Great-Aunt when she insisted on being sent to the school.”

“Ohh dear, that's not good. My husband and I can tell you everything we know after lunch. I'll call him when we get back to the house and ask him to come home for lunch.”

“Thank you Molly, I don't want Greta to know what might happen. My daughter is too much like her other father, she'll want to be involved whatever happens.”

/I am already involved in whatever happens./ Greta says dryly in their heads. /While you and Dad talk with the Weasleys, I'll see if I can get anything from the kids. Including the scoop on what teachers are good ones, and which to avoid at all costs./

/Don't you mean which ones you can torment and which ones will make the next seven years a living hell unless you manage to pass all your classes and graduate early?/ Hades says dryly. /And that includes Headmaster Dumbledore as well./

/Ohhh, he's one of them I'm going to torment./ Greta promises. /That man is too damn manipulative for my satisfaction. If anybody can give me the real scoop on that man, it will be the kids. I don't know if Dad saw it yesterday, but he made my skin crawl, he looked so damn satisfied that he had snagged me as a student. I won't be the least bit surprised if he hasn't sent gloating letters to other schools saying how powerful his newest student was./

/Ohh, I saw it./ Joxer says, following Molly out of the pub and smiling as she summons a couple of taxis for them../Ares is keeping an eye on him. From what I saw of Harry's life last night, he's as manipulative as the bastard Fudge./

/Yes he is,/Joxer says, continuing the mental conversation even as they pile in the taxis and he tells the drivers where to take them. /One of your Professors, Snape, is a spy for Dumbledore in the Death eaters. I think you'll like him, he's almost as snarky as Ares, but he's protected Harry when necessary. He's a good teacher, but he doesn't have the personality to deal with his students without being nasty and insulting. But the students remember what he taught them and it's saved their lives more than once./

“Hermione, I had a question about DADA.” Greta asks Hermione. “How hard would it be to test out of that class first year?”

“Not too hard, it's most general knowledge first year, no actual hands on work. Do the reading and you should be able to pass it easily. Second year was general creatures, if you do some studying up on them, you might be able to join us for the third year class.” She says happily.

“Last year we didn't have the best teacher for the class,” Ron says smirking as Hermione glares at him. “ 'Mione had a crush on him, like most of the girls at school. Hopefully, we'll have a decent teacher for it this year.”

“What happened to the teacher last year?” Greta asks as they pull up in front of Harrods. Joxer reaches over, brushing off Greta's clothes as they enter the store. The doorman looks them over but lets them enter. “Wow!!!” Ginny says, looking around. “This place is really something. Are all stores like this?”

“Nope, this is a very special store. Very upper crust.” Molly says. “I want everybody to be on your best behaviors. This is the type of stores the Malfoys might shop at, if they deigned to shop at a 'muggle' store.” she tells her kids in a whisper. “That means you, Fred and George.”

“The teacher last year was a glorified pompous a . . .egomaniac.” Ron says, catching what he was about to say at Molly's glare. “He was more interested in everybody knowing how fantastic he was than teaching the class. He got hit by a spell that went wrong, he's currently at St. Mungos. They don't think he'll ever recover.”

“What's St. Mungos?”

“Our hospital dear, it specializes in injuries from spells and curses.” Molly says quietly as she watches Greta, Hermione, and Ginny look at clothes while Joxer and 'Des fit Scott out with a complete warm wardrobe and trunk for school. The purchases are shrunk when they leave the store, fitting in various pockets while the walk around window shopping and the girls stock up on what supplies they'll need for the year.

Four hours later, Greta drops onto her bed at the Leaky Cauldron. She'd thought Hestia had energy, she has nothing on Molly Weasley, who runs her household like an army unit. She smiles as she remembers the conversation Joxer and Hades had had with Molly and her husband after lunch. As much as Joxer and Hades were grilling Molly and Arthur about the situation at Hogwarts and the Wizarding community, Molly was grilling the two of them about their family and the two teenagers out in the back yard de-gnoming the yard with her brood.

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