Dying to Live by kirallie

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Dean would have been content to spend eternity as he was. Standing, overlooking the Grand Canyon with Sam leaning against his chest, relaxed in his grip. Sam had begun having trouble with his balance in the last day but he didn’t mind, all the more reasons for him to hold his mortal. Sam turned his head and smiled up at Dean blissfully and Dean couldn’t help smiling back. It was odd for Sam to now be the taller of them but the way they were slouching gave Dean the height advantage for once.

“Is it as good as you thought it would be?” He asked and Sam’s smile widened.

“Better, because I’m not here alone.” Sam answered and Dean tightened his grip.

“You’ll never be alone again Sam.” Dean promised and they fell silent, watching the sun set. So far the days had been overcast enough for Dean to be safe but he was dreading the next sunny day. He would have to cover up with clothes, stay indoors or let see Sam see the truth. He wanted Sam to know so badly but he didn’t want him to afraid of him like he had been at first. He just wanted things to stay the way they were but he knew it was impossible, he could almost feel the sickness slowly draining the life from his Sam. Unless he did something drastic Sam would soon be dead. He’d managed to keep the truth of what he was doing from his family but he knew eventually Alice would see something. Her visions weren’t always accurate when it came to him, his gift was the ability to be unseen and he was using it to keep her from seeing him and Sam but sooner or later he would slip up and she’d see something.

They both nearly jumped as a cell phone began to ring. Fumbling hands soon pulled it from the pocket where it was kept and Dean watched as Sam answered it, knowing there was only one person who rang Sam.

“Hey Bobby.” Yep, he’d been right.

“Hey kid, you are you doing?”

“I’m okay Bobby.” All three men knew it was a lie but it was kinder than the truth.
“Made it to the Grand Canyon, this place is amazing Bobby.” Sam gushed and Dean smiled as he heard the man chuckle.

“Good to hear you’re enjoying yourself Sam. Don’t suppose I can talk you into coming home at all?” Sam sucked in a breath, tears welling and Dean pulled him in closer, letting his cheek rest on top of Sam’s head in an offer of comfort.

“Bobby I...I don’t want you to have to....”

“Damn it boy, I....” Bobby trailed off too.
“I hate thinking of you out there alone. All I’m doing is sitting here waiting for a call I don’t want to get.” A few tears slipped past Sam’s defences at that. Sam looked up at him and Dean smiled, he knew what Sam wanted.

“I’m not alone Bobby.” Sam’s voice was shaky but sure.

“What? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. Do you remember me talking about a boy named Dean?” Sam asked and Bobby was quiet for a bit.

“You mean The Dean? You’re with him?” Sam blushed slightly and Dean had to hold in a laugh. The Dean?

“Yeah, I went back to his home town and he was there visiting his sister. So he’s travelling with me.”

“Does he know?”

“Yeah, a bit hard to hide Bobby.”

“So he just up and left everything to travel with you? Is this even safe Sam? There are a lot of things out there that would love to be able to say they took out the last Winchester.” Bobby as always was the voice of reason. Sam didn’t see Dean’s frown as he listened in, confused by what Bobby meant.

“Bobby honestly I haven’t seen a sign of anything in months. You really think I’d put anyone in that sort of danger?” Sam sounded hurt so Dean nuzzled his hair and Sam gave him a small smile.

“No. I’m just worried about you.”

“I know. But I’m okay.”

“Alright, I’ll talk to you later kiddo.”

“Bye Bobby.” Sam hung up with a small sigh and Dean held him close.

“Do you want to go see him Sam?” Dean asked and Sam turned in his arms, laying his head on Dean’s shoulder.

“I’d like to I guess but it was so hard leaving the first time. I don’t want to hurt him and I know he hates seeing me get worse.”

“You want him to remember you healthy.” Dean worked out and Sam nodded.
“There’s something else too.” Sam sighed and pulled back a bit, raising a hand to trace Dean’s cold cheek.

“He’d know Dean and I don’t want a fight.”

“Sam what do you mean? How did you know I’m no longer...well.” Dean trailed off, looking around for any other lingering tourists. Sam, realising how exposed they were, stepped out of his arms but held his hand out. Dean took it and they made their way back to the Impala, Dean’s car had been left behind though Sam didn’t know Dean had actually sold it. Dean drove them back to their hotel, stopping to get something for Sam to eat on the way. Once inside Sam made his way over to the bed and took his nightly dose of medication.
“Sam?” Dean questioned hesitantly and Sam patted the mattress beside him before lying down, the pills tended to make him a little dizzy. Dean went over to the bed and lay out beside him on his side so that he could see Sam’s face.

“You really don’t know do you?” Sam asked, surprise clear in his voice.

“No.” Dean answered softly and Sam nodded.

“The reason we moved around so much wasn’t because Dad was a salesman, he was a hunter.”

“I get the feeling we aren’t talking big game.” Dean commented, nervousness beginning to grow. Sam shook his head.

“When I was six months old my mother was killed in my nursery. The official report says an accidental fire but it’s wrong. When my Dad rushed in due to her screaming he saw her pinned to the ceiling above my crib, her stomach slashed open. The fire started around her, he grabbed me and ran. He later found out that it was a demon that killed her because it wanted me. That night it....it....” Sam trailed off and closed his eyes.

“Sam? What is it? What did it do?” Dean pleaded, reaching out to pull Sam closer as if he could protect him from what had happened.

“It fed me its blood Dean, I have demon blood in me.” Sam answered, refusing to open his eyes. Dean’s were wide with shock. He’d never even thought demons were real and now Sam was telling him he had the blood of one inside him? He looked back at Sam to see him shaking and didn’t even think, he just pulled Sam tightly into his arms and held on, gently rocking them.

“It’s okay Sam, it doesn’t matter.” He soothed and Sam eventually stilled, hazel eyes slowly opening to stare up at him in wonder and Dean smiled.
“I don’t care Sam. Demon blood or not I still care about you.” Sam smiled shyly back and burrowed into him. Dean was worried about Sam getting too cold so he managed to get them both under the covers.

“After that Dad learnt everything he could and started hunting. Demons, ghosts, werewolves, vampires, whatever crossed his path and was hurting people was fair game. And as I got old enough he trained me too. Dad died on a hunt three years ago, faced off with the demon and lost. About that time things started happening.” Dean was glad Sam couldn’t see his face. They had hunted vampires? What would Sam do if he knew the truth?

“What started Sam?”

“It started off small at first but it’s been getting stronger. I’ll look at someone and then I just know their intentions towards me. It’s why I said yes, it kicked in back at the motel and I knew you were telling the truth. And sometimes I...I see things, before they happen and always connected with the demon or the other kids like me. Kids he visited and gave his blood to when they turned six months old. He says he has plans for us, guess I’m lucky I’ll be dead before then.”

“I wouldn’t let him get you anyway.” Dean insisted and he could feel Sam smile against his chest.

“Thanks, but he’s very powerful Dean. I don’t think anyone could stop him.” Sam told him and Dean just hugged him tightly.

“How did you get sick Sam?” Dean asked and Sam shrugged.

“We’re not entirely sure. Doctors think it was a bad blood transfusion but...what I’ve got isn’t exactly AIDS. It looks similar but it isn’t. I’m on the meds for AIDS because they didn’t know what else to give me. Bobby and I think...the creature that attacked me infected me with something. That’s why I’m getting so sick so fast.”

“I don’t want you to die Sam.” Dean whispered and Sam moved up so they were eye to eye, reaching out to caress Dean’s face.

“I don’t think anything can stop that now Dean.”

“I could...I could make you like me.” Dean admitted and Sam stilled, staring at him not with fear but curiosity.

“And what would I be then?” Sam asked softly and Dean fought the urge to run, run from the fear and hate he was sure was coming.

“A vampire.” He answered so softly he wasn’t sure Sam would be able to hear him but from the way hazel eyes widened he had.
“Sam please listen, it’s not like the movies. I’m not evil, I’m still me. Yes I drink blood but only animal blood. I don’t hurt people, I swear.” Dean babbled and Sam raised a shaky finger to his lips and then past them. Dean stayed still, not sure what he was doing. He could feel Sam’s soft, warm finger ghosting across his teeth and gums and had to swallow a mouthful of venom.
“Sam?”He asked when the finger was removed and Sam simply stared at him in confusion.

“You’re nothing like any vampire I’ve ever faced. No second set of teeth, you don’t get sleepy during the day and you’re, well, hard.” Sam finally told him.
“Are there two breeds or something?”

“I’ve never heard of vampires like that. Only differences I know of are eye colour based on diet. Vampires who drink human blood have red eyes, mine are golden because I feed off animals and when hungry all vampires eyes darken to black.” Dean explained softly, reaching out hesitantly to cup Sam’s face, unsure if his touch would still be welcomed. Sam stared at him and then winced, hand going to the bridge of his nose.
“SAM!” Dean called, sitting up and cradling Sam to him. Sam’s free hand reached up to grab his shirt in a death grip.
“Sam, what’s wrong?” Sam didn’t answer as gasped in pain, breath coming out in pants. Not knowing what else to do Dean grabbed Sam’s phone and hit speed dial.

“Hello?”

“Please help, something’s wrong with Sam.” Dean begged.

“Dean?” The man questioned and Dean nodded despite Bobby being unable to see him.

“Yes. Please tell me what to do.”

“Calm down son. What seems to be wrong?”

“We were talking and then he seemed to be in pain, like a headache. He’s clutching my shirt tight enough to rip it while holding his head and panting.” Dean explained and heard the other man swear.
“Is it something to do with what happened to him as a baby?” Bobby went silent.

“What did he tell you about that and his job?” The man demanded.

“The truth.” Dean admitted.

“Yeah, sounds like a vision. Not much you can do until it’s over. Just talk to him, keep him grounded and try to calm him down. Have painkillers and water ready.”

“How long does it last?” This was nothing like Alice’s visions.

“Depends on what he’s seeing. Never more than a few minutes. Talk to him kid!” Bobby ordered and Dean shifted Sam in his arms.

“Sam? It’s okay, I’m right here. Just keep breathing. I won’t leave you alone.” Dean found himself babbling. Slowly Sam’s breathing eased and his body relaxed. Confused hazel eyes slowly focused on him and Dean sighed.
“I think it’s over.” Dean told Bobby.

“Give Sam the phone and get him the pills.” Dean handed the phone to Sam and then reached for the ever handy medicine bag.

“’Lo?” Sam slurred into the phone.

“Sounds like you gave your friend a scare Sam.”

“Bobby? Ah.”

“Take it easy kid, let Dean take care of you.”

“Bobby get out.” Sam suddenly said and Dean turned to stare.

“Sam?”

“He’s coming for you. You have to run. He’s going to...please Bobby run.” Sam begged.

“Okay Sam, I’m getting Rumsfeld and we’re going. Any particular direction we should head?” Sam closed his eyes, obviously going over what he’d seen.

“East, head east. Bobby be careful.”

“I will. I’ll call you later okay Sam?”

“Kay.” The phone fell from Sam’s hand onto the bed. Dean helped him sit up enough to take the tablets and drink some water.

“So that’s a vision huh?” Dean asked and Sam nodded slightly.
“I never want you to have another one again. You scared me Sam, I thought you were...” Sam blinked up at him and then smiled slightly.

“Not yet.”

“Are you okay now?” Dean asked, hovering over him and Sam nodded.

“So...vampire?” Dean nodded and Sam licked his lips. Dean lay down again beside him and Sam slowly rolled over, reaching out to touch his arm. Dean let Sam examine him as much as he wanted to, wanting Sam to understand he wasn’t like the ones he had hunted.
“You don’t drink human blood?”

“Never have. I’m lucky, Carlisle is actually a doctor, he has the best resistance to human blood of all of us. They found me and Carlisle changed me to save my life. I won’t lie, it hurt. It felt like I was burning for three days straight but then it stopped and I woke up.” Dean explained.

“And you want me to...to be changed too?” Sam asked, looking up at Dean who nodded.

“I don’t want you to die Sam. This life isn’t so bad, you can still do what you want. The others have been to high school and college a lot. Carlisle’s a doctor, his wife Esme does interior design.”

“I...I have to think Dean. I can’t just...” Dean reached out and placed a finger over Sam’s lips.

“It’s okay, I wasn’t expecting you to say yes now. But I’d like you to think about it. If you do I’ll be with you the whole time, I’ll keep you from hurting anyone till you learn to control the thirst.”

“If I say no?”

“Then things go on like they have been and I’ll stay till the end.” Dean told him and Sam nodded slowly.
“Now, relax. You need sleep Sam.” Dean told him, running his fingers through Sam’s hair. Sam sighed and rolled closer to Dean, making Dean very happy that he wasn’t being pushed away.
“I’ll protect you Sammy.” Dean whispered as Sam’s breathing evened out. Once he was sure Sam was asleep he pulled out his own phone and called Carlisle.

“Dean?”

“Hey Carlisle. I have a confession to make....” When he remained silent Carlisle felt a growing sense of dread.

“Dean did something happen? Did you...”

“No! It’s just, the motorist? I knew him and well, I’m still with him.”

“Dean I don’t understand.”

“His name is Sam and we knew each other as kids. You know he’s sick well he’s getting worse and quickly. I...I want to change him Carlisle. I don’t want to lose him.” Dean admitted and he could hear Carlisle take a deep breath.

“This isn’t a decision to be made lightly Dean. You need to be sure about this. Do you think he could handle this life?”

“Yeah. I told him Dad.” It was very rare for him to call Carlisle that, especially with their cover story but it let the older vampire know how serious he was.

“How did he react?”

“He was a bit nervous till I explained everything. He’s currently asleep on my arm.” Dean chuckled and he heard Carlisle’s relieved sigh.

“He isn’t scared of you at all?”

“No.”

“Dean...exactly what are your feelings for Sam?” Dean swallowed nervously but knew he couldn’t lie.

“I love him.” Dean whispered.

“Will you bring him home for the change?”

“He hasn’t said yes yet, he needs to think it over. And what about the wolves?”

“It could help to see the family living normal lives, well normal for us. I’ll handle the wolves when it’s time.”

“I’ll suggest it to Sam. He’s been road tripping to see America before...”

“His family?”

“None. Except a family friend, if he says yes we’ll go see him to let Sam say goodbye first.”

“Of course. I’ll let the others know.”

“Not yet please. If we come then tell them, I don’t want to cause a mess only for him to say no in the end.”

“Very well son. I’ll wait for you to call. Good luck Dean.”

“Thanks.”

“You love me?” Dean started and then stared down into alert hazel eyes.

“Sam...I thought you were asleep?” Sam just shrugged but moved so his head rested above Dean’s silent heart.

“Did you mean it?” Sam pushed and Dean nodded. Sam propped himself up on his elbow and then leant in to give Dean a chaste kiss on the lips. He smiled when he pulled back and Dean found himself grinning.
“I love you too, no matter what you are.” Dean felt the last bit of fear float away at that admission. Dean reached up to cradle Sam’s head, pulling him gently down for another kiss but Sam pulled back when he tried to deepen it.

“Sam?” he tried to hide the hurt but couldn’t. Sam hugged him and kissed his cheeks.

“Dean it’s dangerous, what if I infect you? This isn’t a normal disease and I don’t want you to get sick.”

“Vampires don’t get sick.” Dean told him, frowning.

“But this is a supernatural blood virus Dean and it’s got to be pretty strong for me to be vulnerable. I’m immune to a lot of supernatural things because of the demon blood and look how fast this is killing me. I can’t risk you, please understand.” Sam pleaded and Dean nodded, just happy that it wasn’t him Sam had pulled away from.

“So no open mouthed kissing? Anything else off the list?” Dean asked and Sam thought about it.

“Nothing that risks the exchange of bodily fluids. But um....well condoms are pretty safe.” Sam blushed and Dean smiled.

“Not sure we can go that far anyway Sam, I don’t want to hurt you. Sex between vampires and mortals tends to have a pretty messy end.”

“But you don’t drink human blood?” Sam frowned in confusion and Dean reached up to smooth out the wrinkled forehead.

“Out of choice. If I lost control...I could drain you without realising it or even crush you.” Dean told him sadly and Sam nodded.

“Okay, but we can try other things?”

“As long as we stop if I tell you to because I don’t think I can keep control.”

“Deal.” Sam sealed it with a kiss.

“Will you sleep now?”

“Will you sleep too?” Sam asked and Dean frowned.

“Another difference. I literally can’t sleep Sam. But I can lay here with you if you want me to.” Dean told him and Sam nodded.

“Please.”

------------------------------------
Dean hated seeing Sam so worried but he couldn’t blame him, they hadn’t heard from Bobby since Sam had told him to run. He was beginning to think he should call Carlisle and beg them to try and track the man down. He’d do it himself but there was no way he was going to leave Sam undefended. The sudden banging on the door made them both jump. Dean pushed Sam back towards the bathroom as he went to the door. He peered through the peephole and then opened the door but left the chain on.

“Can I help you?” Dean asked, blocking the man’s view of the room with his body. He took in the scruffy man and the old truck with a dog in it and felt a small spark of hope.

“This Sam’s room?” The man asked and Dean heard Sam move closer.

“Bobby?” Sam called and Dean watched the man relax. He shut the door and removed the chain before opening it enough for Bobby and Sam to see each other. He could smell the sorrow pouring off Bobby as he saw Sam and realised Sam must have deteriorated a lot since they’d last seen each other.
“You didn’t call, I thought...” Sam trailed off and collapsed into a chair.

“Didn’t want to risk the call being traced. You must be Dean.” Bobby turned and frowned as he stared. Dean smiled at him, seeing the protectiveness and love for Sam in the way he was being glared at.

“Yes sir.”

“So what are you?” Bobby growled, hand going for what looked like a gun.

“Bobby don’t!” Sam shouted and the older man turned to him.
“It’s okay Bobby, Dean won’t hurt me.”

“Is that right?” Bobby asked, glaring at him again.

“I’d never hurt Sam sir. I’m not dangerous, I would never hurt a human.” Dean assured him, pleading with everything he had for the man to believe him. He didn’t want to cause a fight between Sam and the man he saw as a second father. Bobby finally huffed and edged into the room, keeping his distance from Dean.
“I’ll go grab you dinner Sam, the usual?” Dean asked and then saw the panic in Sam’s eyes. Ignoring Bobby he was at Sam’s side in an instant.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” He tried to sooth.

“Don’t leave me, please Dean.” Sam half chocked and Dean realised Sam wasn’t doing as well as he pretended.

“Hey, no Sam. I’m not leaving. I’m just going to the diner to get you some food. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

“Promise?” Sam asked and Dean frowned, hand going to Sam’s forehead. He swore softly, just what they needed, Sam had a fever.

“I promise. I think you’ll have to do with just soup though, you don’t look like you’ll keep anything else down. How ‘bout laying down for a bit?” He ran his fingers through sweat dampened hair, hoping his cooler temperature would bring Sam some relief.

“Okay.” Sam answered and Dean easily lifted him into his arms, ignoring Bobby who was staring in shock.

“Look after him.” Dean ordered and then left to get Sam his food and call Carlisle to see if there was anything extra he could do about Sam’s fever. He knew the occasional fever and chill was to be expected but he didn’t like the suddenness of its appearance.

-----------------------------
Bobby stared at the closed door for a few seconds before shaking off his shock and going to Sam’s side. It didn’t take long to realise the reason for Dean’s concern, Sam was sweating and yet Bobby had a jacket on.

“Hey kiddo, you doing okay?” He asked softly and Sam turned to stare lazily up at him. Yeah, definite fever behaviour for Sam.

“Hot Bobby.”

“I know Sam, I’ll get you a cool cloth okay?” Sam nodded and he went into the bathroom to grab a towel and wet it. Sam sighed at the cool relief and then smiled up at him.

“Thanks. Don’t be mad at me bout Dean, please Un’le Bobby.”

“I’m not Sam, you just rest now.” He urged and Sam’s eyes slowly slid shut. A few minutes later the door opened and Dean came back in carrying a bag.

“Asleep?” He asked and Bobby nodded, getting up and indicating for Dean to follow him outside.

“What are you doing to him?” Bobby bit out angrily and Dean fought the urge to actually step back and instead took a deep breath.

“Nothing. I found him passed out at the side of the road and recognised the car and then him. I took him to a motel and made sure he would be okay. When Sam said he was travelling I offered to go with him to protect him.”

“You protect him? I’m supposed to believe that some monster wants to protect one of the best hunters out there.” Bobby glared at Dean, arms crossed but Dean could see the gun very near his hand.

“I’m not a monster. And yes I will protect Sam even if it means my death.” Dean answered, fighting to keep his temper.

“Why?” Bobby demanded and Dean closed his eyes.

“Because I love him, have since we first met as kids.” Dean told him, staring him straight in the eye. Bobby’s eyes widened slightly.

“What are you?”

“I can’t tell you, I won’t put my family in danger. Sam knows the basics and he hasn’t told me to get out. I don’t hurt people, none of my family do. Hell we have a Doctor in the family and he rarely loses a patient.” Bobby stared hard at him and then slumped, a lot of the anger draining away to leave fear and grief.

“Can...could you save him?” He asked quietly and Dean shifted nervously.

“I can change him, make him like me. He knows that, I offered just before his vision of you in trouble. He hasn’t answered yet.”

“But he’d still be Sam?” Bobby pushed and Dean nodded.

“It’d be hard for the first year or so but we’d keep him isolated from humans until he had control. If...if it happens you’ll never see him again, unless he can make it to your deathbed or something. Knowing about us could put you and the family in danger. But...I could arrange for him to call you, let you know he’s okay.” Dean explained and Bobby nodded slowly. Better Sam be alive and safe even if he could never see him again than for the kid to simply waste away until he was dead. But...

“Can you protect him from the demon?”

“I don’t know. Honestly I didn’t know demons were real till Sam told me. My father might know more being the oldest of our group.”

“I can show you the basics and Sam can teach you the rest. Kids got a mind like an encyclopaedia about this stuff. I ever hear you’ve done anything to hurt Sam, or you start hurting people and I will find a way to end you. Clear?”

“Crystal clear sir.” Bobby waved Dean over to the Impala and opened the trunk. Dean’s eyes widened as Bobby lifted up the false bottom and Sam’s arsenal was revealed.
“Now I know why Sam insisted on us using his car.” Bobby chuckled at that.

“It’s also one of the few things he’s got from when his family was whole. Good luck getting him to part from the old girl. John gave her to Sam as soon as he got his licence. You know any weapons maintenance?”

“A little.”

“Good, least we’re not starting totally from scratch.”

TBC...

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