Imagine: The List
Fic posted by members of Vo's Imaginings YahooGroup

Darcy walked into the courtroom and sat down, staring at the defense attorney for her idiot whore of a stepmother. She looked at the prosecutor, who was glaring at her. She held up a file with a smirk. He snatched it to look at and stared at her for a moment. She just grinned. He hauled her out to the hallway. "That's on all the threats that have been stopped from her while she was in jail."

"Why didn't they stop her?"

"No clue. Why did they let her out twenty years too early?" she asked dryly. "All I know is I didn't find out she was out until after she had disappeared from the halfway house out there."

"Hell." He read it over, grimacing. "This is sad."

"Very sad." She stared at him. "You have fun with that and if you need me, I can testify."

"How did she get captured?"

"I'm told a friend jogging in the park with his dog found her."

"Can we get him?"

"If you ask Pepper Potts she can probably get Clint."

"Oh, dear."

She smiled. "He was jogging with his dog. He's a buddy and a neighbor."

He tipped his head down but nodded. "All right. Have you been arrested since the last time I tried to foil your evil plans?"

"I got a traffic ticket," she said dryly. She smiled. "You know, they all complained because I didn't answer the kid who offered me a bomb." He stared at her. She stared back. "Do you really want to be associated with that dweeb?"

"The other's a crook," he said dryly.

She nodded. "That's kinda the definition of a politician isn't it?" She stared at him. "The one you like so much is worse."

"He's never killed anyone."

"Except he and his people have put out a contract on my life and I'm not the first because he's not clumsy and he knows what he's doing." She smirked a tiny bit. "The agents who looked over his plot said he's not doing it cold."


She nodded. "Though it was pointed out on the same site he put the call out on that he has never paid anyone he hired."

"I don't want to get into this."

"Sure, up to you. Just let me know if I need to testify."

"Stay here today."

"I can do that." They walked back in together, her going back to a seat in the audience area. The prosecutor handed the file over to his assistant, who grimaced as she read it.

The judge looked at him. "Are you done?" he asked dryly.

"Yes, Your Honor. I just got a report on her problems in prison."

"From them?"

"From the person she was hiring people she served with to kill," he said bluntly.

The judge blinked a few times. "Excuse me? I was told she had served a long term for a DUI habit."

"And a murder, Your Honor," the assistant DA said, standing up. She handed over three forms from the file and another one. "That's on the murder, which was a later charge and why she put out the death threat."

The judge accepted the papers to look over, grimacing. "I see she was put away for murder and DUI. Not related?" He looked up.

"No, the DUI was to get her out of the family; they found the poisoning later," the assistant DA said. "According to statements by the victim's family in the press."

The judge looked at Darcy, who smiled a bit. He recognized her. She was a topic of conversation in certain circles. "Your stepmother, Miss Lewis?"

"Yes, Your Honor," she said with a nod. "And I'm going to watch her hopefully be taken back to jail today. I think it's a travesty that she got out twenty years early."

"That is not in the file either," he said, looking at it. The prosecutor handed over the official record. "Oh, there it is. I did not get her full file from the California Penal System apparently." He glared at the defense attorney.

"Your Honor, she did not murder that person. He died by his own hand, per victim's family's statements," the defense attorney said.

"In that state administering a poison to kill one that diminishes their life can be counted as homicide," Darcy said quietly, pulling up the pertinent codes. She had looked them up before during her stepmother's trial to make sure it was appropriately harsh. She let the bailiff have her phone. "Which is what they got her under."

He looked at it then showed the judge, who nodded. "We have something similar. How did her victim die?"

"After five years of mental deterioration he decided he couldn't take fading the rest of the way," Darcy said calmly. She accepted her phone back. "Her trial was finished about a year before he died, Your Honor."

"Which means they presumed the homicide by diminishing his life," the judge decided. "That's a worrisome trend but I can see why the prosecutor out there pushed it." He looked at her then at Darcy. "Are you going to attack her?"

"No but if she comes at me it won't end well for her. Considering she was caught lying in lurk in the park not even six buildings from my apartment building by a friend of mine? I have to assume."

"You do," he agreed. He looked over the charge sheet. "We're not here about the homicide though. We're here because she jumped parole." He looked at the prosecutor. "Are they wanting to take her back in?"

"Yes, Your Honor. We've got someone from the California system here waiting to speak," the head DA said with a point at him.

"Sir," he said, waving for him to stand up. "Is she going back to her sentence?"

"Yes, Your Honor. We're not sure why she got out in the first place but she's proven she's not rehabilitated." He looked at Darcy then at the judge again. "I believe it might be safer for others as well."

"Miss Lewis, were you informed of her release?"

"After she skipped the halfway house," she said bluntly, glaring at the other guy, who flinched away from her. She stared at the judge again. "I was not kept informed as they're supposed to by law. I did finally get a letter yesterday dated next week that they were going to put her on parole." She dug it out of her purse and handed it over to the DA. "Oh, hold on. No, that's the latest death threat," she said, finding the other one. She handed it over with a smile. "Not related to hers."

"How many threats are you under?" the judge demanded.

"Two and a half. Hers is the half. One's a kidnaping threat. The other's ...someone who thinks he's important." She tucked that back into her purse.

"May I?" the bailiff said. She let him see it. He read it and blinked. "That's nasty." He handed it to the judge.

He read it and grimaced. "Who is this person?" He looked at her.

She stared at him. "I'm on my way to hand that to an agent, Your Honor, because I'm not totally sure yet. I can only assume." The bailiff went to look that name up and showed the judge.

He blinked then grimaced. "Well. I can see why you called him that. Hand it back so she can hand it on." He did that. Darcy tucked it back into her bag. "At least they're not working together."

"Even that slimebag has more taste than my former stepmother, Your Honor," Darcy said dryly. The woman shrieked and tried to get to Darcy but the bailiff hauled her back over the dividing half-wall and slammed her into her seat. Darcy just pushed her glasses back up her nose and looked unconcerned.

"I can see she's still not rehabilitated," the judge announced. "I want the plan for moving her from the state to California." The officer from out there handed it over. He nodded as he read it. "That's fine. Do we need to send in an order to keep her separated?" He looked at that side of the courtroom.

"No, Your Honor, we can arrange with that without an order," the DA said smugly. "She's proven she's a violent offender."

"Yes she has," he agreed. He signed the order. "She is going back. Do have a good trip back west, people." He handed the order over and looked at her. "Too bad you didn't learn anything in there the first time," he told her. "Maybe you could have stayed outside." She started to struggle but the officers with her held her still. "Dismissed." He banged his gavel. "Miss Lewis, can we call an agent about that?"

She smiled and shook her head. "No thank you, Your Honor. I know who to go talk to about this nice letter of theirs." She got up and walked out. A few people followed her so she glanced back. Reporters. Great. "Taking pictures of my butt isn't my best side," she quipped. She went out to get into her car. Today she was using a driver and car from a security conscious company. She went to the FBI office, smiling at her lawyer she had texted on the way over. "She's going back to Cali."

"Just like the song," he quipped. "How bad? You just said there's a new threat we have to talk to an agent about." She handed over that letter, watching him go pale. "Oh, dear." She nodded, grimacing. "Yes, let's go deliver this so someone can stop them." He went to sign them in with the needed agent's pod number so they could find him faster. The agent himself came down, shaking Brian then Darcy's hand. "She got this," he said, handing it over.

"Even the judge this morning got grossed out," Darcy said dryly. "I almost handed that over instead of the last things about my stepmother."

The agent blinked. "She's out?"

"She's going back. She skipped parole."

"Well," he sighed. He looked at the letter again, grimacing. "Any idea who this one is?"

"He's a higher level flunky," Brian said, pulling up that man's name via google.

The agent looked and grimaced. "Interesting."

"Interesting is that's the last name of the kid that offered me that bomb," she said quietly. "Which is all I recognized beyond the horrible grammar issues he has."

The agent blinked at her. "Did we know about this?"

"Someone here did since they tried to pounce me a few times because I didn't answer the kid back. SHIELD finally took it over."

"Huh." He led them back to his desk to look that up. What he saw disgusted him. "Some agent is an actual moron," he decided. He took that to his supervisor, who called that one's supervisor, who was now fired. Someone had apparently told the FBI's director about the stupid. The agent came back. "Thankfully they won't be able to try it again." He sat down, looking at the email that started that. "I can see why you didn't answer."

"I thought it was a joke or a trap," she admitted. "Then a friend heard and told others."

"Interesting." He looked up the link between those two. "That's his nephew. Very interesting." He smiled at her. "Thank you, Miss Lewis."

"I have a copy of that at home just in case and I've already sent it to Brian in case it relates to the slimebucket I'm suing."

"Very tangentially," the agent admitted. "He's a member of the whole thing's party. You can leave this with us, Miss Lewis."

"Thank you." She shook his hand. "I hope you have fun with them. I'm trying really hard not to turn evil about that guy."

He smirked a tiny bit. "I'd hate to see that, Miss Lewis. Let us help. We're like that." She smiled and left with her lawyer. Who paused to shiver where Darcy couldn't see him. The agent did the same thing. He took that to his boss, who agreed he was opening a case. They ended up talking to the Secret Service as well but they hated that guy anyway. He had complained about the convention being evacuated due to that one villain. It had ruined their planned speech orders and other important things that no one cared about.


Clint was sitting on his building's front steps with his dog, enjoying some sunshine, when he heard 'oh my fucking god' in a familiar voice. He looked up with a sigh then at his dog. "Of course she'll have problems. It's a pretty day," he told Lucky, who barked at him and patted his hand to get petted. No more noise so it probably wasn't something huge or threatening. He looked up at a grunt, staring at Bucky as he made it onto the ground again. "She hurt?" It had been a quiet few weeks.

"Throwing a fit. Something on the internet." He sat down, looking at Lucky. "Conor could use you anyway. He's not playful and it's annoying."

"Vets," Clint ordered.

"She's got him an appointment tomorrow." He petted the golden retriever mix, getting patted back because Lucky was nice that way. They waited until Darcy stormed down the stairs. "Taking Conor to the vet's early?" Bucky guessed.

Darcy tossed her phone at Clint. "They put me in the fanfiction."

He blinked a few times. "What?"

"You know those stories online about alternate things?" He nodded slowly. "I'm in a few now. One of them I'm munching a lot on Natasha." Bucky choked as he shook his head with a moan. Clint was staring, mouth slightly open. "And in the other two I'm underneath you and sometimes Stark." She stared at him. "At the same time."

"I'd never fuck Stark," Clint said dryly. He swallowed some drool, staring at his buddy. "Is Conor all right?"

"He got into the fridge last night and ate a pie." She looked at Bucky then at Clint. "Can you tell Natasha so I can hide?"

"I don't think she's seen those," Clint said. "Bruce has. I think Scott went looking too." She winced. He pulled out his phone to text Bruce about that subject. "She's cranky today too," he quipped. "So this will either make her laugh or make her scream and rant in the gym."

"I sent Pepper roses for being caught in that sort of thing before I did." She sat down with a sigh. "They didn't even get my anatomy right."

Bucky patted her on the back. "Why would that do more than annoy you?"

"They got me wrong. One of them thought I was a blonde." Clint shook his head with a sigh. "The other two thought I was built like Jane and tiny titted. I'm not a mouthful." Clint nodded he remembered. She elbowed him. "Let me go check on my poor puppy that ate a whole rhubarb and blackberry pie." She went back up there, finding her dog throwing up. "Fine, we're going to the vet today." She cleaned up his mess and got his leash, carrying him down to her car. "We're going to the vets," she called with a wave.

Clint waved back. "Have fun." He looked up those stories, shaking his head. "Yeah, they thought she was Jane. Wow, Thor would be pissed off." He went back to petting his poor dog.

Bucky was giving him funny looks. "Am I in there?"

"Yeah, you've got a huge Avengers fan following. There's a lot of you and Steve, you and Stark because he's got arm love for you so you feed him cock in exchange for tune ups. There's a few that have you and Thor. He can apparently wrestle you into submission. Then there's one with you and Natasha. Or a few of you two together. Apparently murder is fun foreplay." He glanced at him and grinned. "I've got a few of those too." He looked. "Oh, there's two of you and Kate Bishop. And one where she brought in her teammate 'Mer."

Bucky shuddered. "Eww."

"Basically. Which was why Darcy went on the 'eww' fit." He sent Pepper a text message to explain the roses, getting a smile emoji back.


Uptown, Stark looked at the roses that had been delivered. "Well, that explains who sent Pepper roses," he decided, looking at the card. He blinked a few times then looked up that interesting new pairings. "Huh. Yeah, she probably got squicked. I would've." He spotted a few new ones and grinned. "I doubt he'd take in anyone that untrained." He sent Pepper a message through his AI FRIDAY since she was in a meeting he had avoided.


Upstate, Bruce Banner decided it was a fun time to tell Natasha she was a lesbian according to some people. He was having an irritated day in the lab. Natasha had been stomping around for a few hours about something. So he took his phone out to the kitchen where she was making herself a sandwich with toast she was buttering. He put the phone next to her plate as he pulled down a teapot and the water filter pitcher. He heard her pick it up and smiled to himself. She dropped the phone and grabbed her ham and cheese, walking off muttering in Russian about stupid humans who wanted to be taken out. He looked back at her. "You know, they write a lot about you and others too. There's a really cute one with you and Steve."

She glared at him. "Don't. Just don't."

He smirked a tiny bit. "There's a few of us too. Including one of you and the Hulk. Apparently you sing to him to calm him down sometimes."

She stared, eating a bite of her sandwich. "I do not sing," she noted once she had swallowed.

"According to the one that found that one, they thought Darcy was built like Jane anyway so they probably got her mixed up. So apparently you're the cure to stuck science. And I found a few of those too, Natasha." She walked off shaking her head but did stop to grab a bottle from the bar on the way back to her apartment. Where she could have a hissy fit in private. Bruce grinned. She wasn't pouty anymore at least and he hadn't been hurt. It had helped! "I'm nearly as good as Darcy was at getting the pouty moods out," he decided, taking his tea back to his lab. He really had to find the flaws in his math equation.


Darcy came back with Conor and a lock for the fridge door. She smiled at Clint, holding up the lock. "How do I put this on the fridge?"

He took it to look at. "Screws," he said with a point and a smirk. "Probably pre-drill the holes."

"Do you have a drill I can borrow?"

"No," he admitted. "I'll find you one."

"Thank you." She blew a kiss at him. "The vet was not impressed with Conor's ability to eat a whole pie he snuck in the middle of the night," she said dryly, looking at her dog. "He got medicine for his tummy and for his butt since he's now stopped up. Apparently he found the cheese too." Clint walked off laughing. She let the dog pee and poop in the alley then took them upstairs to let her poor puppy rest. He curled up on what was becoming his spot on the couch with a groan and flopped down to nap.

It had been a long day for him. Darcy looked at him. "Next time don't get into the fridge without permission," she reminded him. "You won't have an upset tummy." She looked at her fridge door, frowning. "How does that work?" she muttered. She took a picture for Clint, who said he'd get a slide lock. Conor was smart but not that smart yet. Neither was Lucky. She sent back a thank you and her card number so he could buy it for her.

Clint looked at the phone then sighed. He went into the neighborhood hardware shop, shrugging some at the odd looks he was getting. "The cute one with the dog had the dog that got into the fridge and gorged. The vet wanted her to lock the fridge but she's got the two door design fridge so she can't use a regular lock."

"Slide lock? Like for the bathroom door?"

"If it'll work." That got a nod and they went to look at locks. He bought it and the cordless drill Darcy would need to use to install it. Plus a screwdriver because the last time she had screwed something in she had used a butter knife. "She's a woman," he said dryly. "She's got a butter knife, her heel, and a lot of bandaids."

The owner of the store laughed. "Heels can do some damage."

"Yeah, she's hurt a few people with them. And I had to teach her how to patch holes in the wall too because she had bad aim." He bought things with her card number and then took them back there to install it for her. Kate showed up to give him odd looks. "Conor got into the fridge," he said dryly. "Darce's in the bathroom. Apparently his stopped up tail spread."

She grinned. "She had pasta with cheese and cheesy garlic bread for dinner," she said dryly. She went to check on Conor, who woofed at her but didn't move for petting. "Is she sure he's all right?"

"They went to the vets."

"That's good." She sat beside the dog to pet him. He shifted over to put his head on her thigh, sucking up to the petting.

Clint finished installing the lock and cleaned up the small mess. "Darcy, did you die in there?" he called.

"Yes," she called back. "And you don't want to know why since it's a girl thing."

"Yeah, I don't need ta know," he agreed dryly. He put her drill in her coat closet and sat down to watch her cable instead. She had the better package.

"Oh my god, Darcy!" Kate called. "They're arresting the bigot for egging on the villain and for putting out contracts on people."

Darcy came out wiping off her hands so she could see. "Huh. Someone did nice work."

Clint looked at her. "Um, don't need to know that much....." He waved a hand.

She looked and went back to the bathroom. "Yeah, that's what was keeping me."

"Did another lizard bite you?" Kate called. "That was too high for girlish bleeding."


"Got bit by a dog?" Clint guessed.


"Did you get shot?" Kate asked.

"Not exactly." Kate and Clint both hopped up but Kate pushed him back down so she could go check on her. She walked in and looked at the bleeding spot. Darcy glared at her. "I'm fine."

"Yeah, sure you are."

"The stitches broke, Kate. I'm fine."

"When did that happen?" she demanded.

"Few days ago?" She shrugged and got a new bandage put onto it. "The local ER was not amused but they were nice enough to remove the small thing they shot at me that looked like a computer chip. Some kids with a modified air gun."

"Uh-huh." She squatted down. "Let me look at it." She shrugged and let Kate look and gently touch it. Darcy winced at the touch but she was okay. Kate looked up at her. "That's nasty and it needs restitched."

"I sweated too hard and they got wet."

Clint knocked on the door. "I can get a neighborhood doc sort here," he offered through the door. He leaned in at the grunt from Kate. "What did that?"

"The punks with the modified air gun. I sweated and the stitches got nasty and broke when I was cleaning them."

"What punks?" he demanded. "The mob guys?"

"No, and it was one of them that called me an ambulance," she admitted with a slight shrug. "Some little punks had something like a modified air gun and shot something that looked like a computer chip."

"Did the mob guy say anything about them?" Kate asked.

"Bro, I'm going to fuck them up for doing this in my neighborhood," she quoted with another slight shrug. "To the paramedics. I'm fine. It just broke open when I was cleaning it."

"Um, yeah," he decided. "Kate, go get my med kit? I've got more bandages than she does probably."

"Actually, I have a kit, have since I got dosed that first time and I got a bit prepper. It's in the bottom of the second closet," Darcy said with a point. "Bruce approved of it."

He nodded, going to look. He came back with the large box of supplies, making her sit down so he could use some bandage strips to keep it closed and some clean bandages. "You have got to quit having problems," he said quietly, staring at her. "Really."

"Not my fault."

"Yeah, I know, but it's bad, Darcy."

"I didn't think it was that deep. The ER people didn't say it was that bad." She looked down at herself. It was just above the line of her panties. "At least it's in a non-shaving area."

He snorted but finished bandaging it. "Okay, there you go. No more bleeding. All cleaned up." She kissed him on the tip of the nose and pulled back on some panties and a pair of sweat shorts. He cleaned up the small mess while she got something to get the blood off the floor. He walked off, putting the box back with a head shake. Sometimes he really wondered why such things were attracted to Darcy. He found Bucky in there staring at the dog. "He broke into the fridge," Clint reminded him. "He's already been to the vets."

"I guess that's why he's not snoring?"

Clint leaned over to check but Conor growled. "Fine. Just making sure you'll be all right." Darcy came out to toss out the cleaning pads and picked up her dog, taking him outside to make him walk for a few minutes. "Did you hear anything about the punks that shot her with something?"

"No. She did?"

"Yeah. Just above her pubic mound." Bucky grimaced, shaking his head. "All she said were some punk kids with a modified air gun."

"Not a clue," he admitted, shaking his head. "She all right?"

"Small wound," Kate said. "It bled for a few seconds earlier." She smiled. "Are you here for dinner?"

"To check on her. She's been too quiet." They watched as Darcy was shoved back into her apartment with the dog and someone ran down the stairs. "Did they manhandle you?" Bucky demanded, staring at her.

"Not really. Someone tried a driveby so they shoved me up here." She shrugged, looking at her dog. "Go crap on the fire escape." She pointed. "You know you gotta." He huffed but went to sit on the fire escape to stare at the pigeons. He did have the runs and he nicely did crap for his human. Who came out to clean him up again. He growled but she swatted him gently and did it anyway. "Good boy. Thank you."

Clint blinked at her then at Kate, who shrugged. "My dog's never had the runs," she said.

"The vet said to. He said all the stuff he ate was probably a bit acidic and it could hurt him. Cause skin ulcers he said."

"Fine," Clint agreed with a nod. "Now, what happened? And who were these punk kids? Were they the same as the ones doing the driveby?"

"No clue. On either. Go ask the bro guys." She grimaced. "Though it's insulting that they think I can't get out of the way."

"I'm sure you can," Clint said with a nod, smirking at her. "You haven't this week but I'm sure you can." Darcy shot him a glare. "Look, it's Barnes and he's hungry. Should I stick something in the oven to warm up?"

"Please. Pull out the big pan and warm it up." She carried her dog down to the last level of the fire escape and then climbed down with one arm on him and one on the rungs to help her. She let him crap down there too, and the last of the cheese came out. Along with something that may have been her sock at one point in time. She stared at her dog. "You don't have to chew on the socks or towels, Conor. I do feed you."

"You'd better be cleaning up after him," the manager yelled from his kitchen window.

"Sure, get me a hose." She leaned over to look at him. "Conor broke into the fridge last night. He got given medicine because he ate a pie and some cheese and apparently a sock."

The manager grimaced. "Poor dog." He shut the window. It was an alley, the rain would clean it up soon enough he guessed.

Darcy looked at her dog. "See, this is what happens when you eat stuff you're not supposed to eat, Conor. You get given medicine that makes you poop like a toddler." She pointed. "Let's go have a bath. That was nasty and I don't want you dragging your tail on the couch." He barked but followed her after crapping another time and groaning in pleasure at it. "Much better. Thank you, pupkins." She took him up to clean up the nastiness in his fur. Clint got out of the way, shaking his head. "The medicine worked," she quipped. She locked them into the bathroom to bathe the nastiness out of his fur.

Barnes grimaced. "Eww. I thought only babies did that."

"They had to make him crap out the cheese," Kate said. "It works the same on adults. Even when you're busy sometimes."

Clint tried not to laugh but he had to. "I heard," he admitted, shaking his head. She threw a pillow at his head but he ducked it and checked the stuff in the oven. "I'm guessing it's nearly ready." He pulled it out to stare at it for a minute. "It looks nice. Darcy, kinda brown on top?" he called.

"Toothpick test," she called from the bathroom. "Make sure the center's warmed up. Recover it too."

He did that and nodded, recovering it and sticking it back into the oven. "Sure. Maybe ten more minutes." He came back to sit down and watch the world implode with the way the news people were going off on how bad this looked on a presidential nominee. Not even *Nixon* got arrested while he ran for office. And what did that one woman who was suing him saying? Nothing yet. "Darce, they want a statement."

Kate pulled up her twitter to put out something quippy about the slimebag finally getting what he had started. Hopefully someone would make him pay something this time since he kept sliming his way out of it.

Darcy came out to grab her phone and went back to dry off her dog and clean out the tub while checking her twitter and the news story. She finally sent a statement that he had done it to himself and she felt no compassion for someone who put out contracts to kill people who fought back against him. She sent it in and then went back to scrubbing the dog hair out of her tub.

Clint looked down at the damp dog who had hopped into his lap with a huff of irritation. "Next time, remember this when you steal from the fridge," he said, petting him. "You feel better yet?" He flopped down with a groan, letting himself be petted. "You know, Bucky's here," he said with a point. Conor looked where he pointed and barked happily, hopping down to hop up on Bucky's lap. He adored his petting buddy.

Darcy came out shaking her head. She had cleaned herself up and changed out of the damp clothes so she could deal with dinner stuff.

Kate looked at her. "Tutoring?"

"Unless I mixed up my days that's tomorrow," Darcy quipped back.

"No, you didn't. What happens if they don't show up again?"

"I don't know," Darcy admitted. "I don't even know why they've been trailing off. Last week I only had three people."

"That sucks," Clint agreed. "Sometimes some people don't want to do something that's good for them." He looked back at her. "No salad?" he begged.

"I'd never feed you a salad unless Natasha was there to egg you into eating it," she said patiently. "That doesn't mean I won't make corn." He grinned, he liked that. The other two didn't have any reaction so it was probably okay with them too.


Darcy came out the next day to walk her dog, who was properly on a leash. She had seen the flashing lights so something was probably going on. She was stopped on her front stairs by one of the mob guys. "You know, I can handle myself," she said quietly, staring at him.

"Tasers are cute but don't work against cars shooting as they drive off," he said, staring at her. Conor barked. He looked at him then at her. "What sort of mutt is he?"

"He's part herding dog." She smiled. "He's a very good boy until he gets into the fridge."

"A fluffy thing like Lassie?" he asked, looking at the tawny colored dog.

"No, an Estrela mountain dog. They're Portugese." She found the information page on her phone to show him. "He's half that."

He looked at it. "Much fluffier than Lassie. So smart, fluffy, big dog."

"Protective big dog," she said with a grin. "Who ate half the fridge the other night."

He just nodded. "Dogs do that." He looked around. "They should let you go to the park. It should be safer."

She smirked at him. "It's usually safer than this. Is it the same punk kids that got me with the air rifle?" He nodded. "Just don't make a mess I'll have to testify against." She walked off with her dog.

"Nah, that'd be stupid," he agreed, going to tell the others. That dog was going to be *huge* and fluffy. "I wonder if she makes it dog cookies too." He shook his head to shake off the thought.

Darcy smiled and nodded at an officer. "Was he one of the ones that got me with an air rifle the other day?" she asked him.

"Probably," he said dryly. He looked at the staring dog. "He's getting big."

She smiled. "He's part herding dog."

"Clearly. The park's clear at the moment."

"Thanks." She walked him that way. She avoided the lone reporter but someone at the local corner store waved at her so she walked in. She blinked at the trash news rag that was held up. "Huh. Someone shot a picture through my bathroom window. She was fixing an injury for me." He blinked at her. "I'll tell her. Thanks." She paid for and took the magazine with her to the park to read while walking. They ran into Kate and Clint jogging so she handed it to Clint as they crossed paths.

"The mob guy thinks the same punks did the drive by this time." She smiled at her dog. "C'mon, I can hear Cutey huffing at her human for going so fast." He ran off to find his buddies to nuzzle and play with. Lucky was resting with Cutey so they all got to play and pee on things together while Darcy watched them. Clint shook his head as they made another nap. Now Kate was jogging while reading, and scowling a lot. "You have fun with them, Katie."

"Yup, I sure will," she agreed impatiently. "Fucking idiots."

Clint laughed, nodding. "Probably. Or looking for something to sell papers."

She snorted. "That won't sell papers. I'm not *that* popular," Kate complained. She handed the paper back to Darcy when they passed by her and the dogs the next time and was typing into her phone a few minutes later. Of course, that's when someone tried something so she had to pounce them with Clint to beat them to death for trying to shoot at her hair. Clint pulled her off the idiot when he was crying so the officer could arrest him.

She finished her tweet and sent it then a second one praising the officer for arresting the little idiot that tried to shoot her for daring to jog. Darcy's answered that tweet thanking the officers for the help with the messiness on their street that morning. It was cute. Had a cookie emoji at the end too. She showed Clint, who was snickering while stretching to cool down. Kate did another lap, she was behind because she had gotten there late. Her dog came when she whistled to join her for the last partial lap. It was cute.

Lucky barked at Darcy and Conor before running off to pounce his sweaty human. Clint didn't see him coming so that worked well. He got to knock him into mud, cracking up the Kate puppy and the Darcy puppy. Conor barked and came rushing over to help him by pouncing on Clint too. Cutey did too. Kate and Darcy both took pictures and got their dogs to walk off.

Clint looked back at the dog on his back. "Thanks, really, Lucky." He barked and lapped his ear then got off to dance around and dare him to catch him again. Clint got up with a moan and caught his dog after a few false attempts, carrying him back home while petting him. He could wash off the dog fur with the sweat and mud, and whatever else was in the mud. Or had created the mud since it hadn't rained the night before. He wasn't sure he wanted to know why there was mud in the park actually.

The officer looked at the punk kid, shaking his head. "You tried to take on two Avengers," he said bluntly. "How dumb are you?" He walked him off, handing him over. "Here, Stupid interrupted jogging Hawkeyes."

"Great," the other officer said dryly. "He's dumb. They'll love him in prison." He stuffed him into the back of a police cruiser and got in to drive him off.

The lone reporter was trying to bug Darcy. "Lewis, where did that picture come from!" he was shouting repeatedly.

She finally looked at him. "Kate was helping me bandage where those same punk kids got me with an air rifle," she said bluntly. She lowered the edge of her yoga pants to show off the bandage. "It had started to bleed so she nicely helped me rebandage it. Someone was taking pictures into my bathroom. Beyond that, I might like Kate but I think of her like a little sister. She's pretty safe from me that way, dude." She stared at him. "Anything else you think you want to ask at the top of your lungs?"

"You slept with avengers," he sneered.

"No, I've slept with *one* person who was in the tower. That's all. Sorry. I wasn't the resident stress relief. Ask anyone."

"We heard it from one of them."

"I doubt that. It was made up by a reporter who wanted readership." She stared at him. "Her little mental porn fantasy land where all the Avengers fuck should be put into fanfiction, not into the news since it's not reality. Thanks anyway. Most of them are hot and a few I wouldn't have minded tipping over to ride hard and put away wet, but they never offered. They were busy with their significant others. Now, anything else?" He pouted. "Good. Have a better day and I hope you find real news. There's plenty in this world you know." She took her dog upstairs, shaking her head when she met a neighbor on the stairs. "Stupid reporter's out there."

"I'll make sure I don't hit him too hard, dear," the older man said.

Darcy smiled at his back then at her dog. "C'mon. It's time for food." He barked and hurried up the stairs. He loved food. Darcy even gave him a tiny extra bit since he was so hungry. She was making her own food when his petting buddy climbed in the window so he went to bark at him until Bucky picked him up to pet him. Darcy made extra food for him, putting a plate on the counter for Bucky. "He just ate."

"I won't feed him any." He settled down to eat breakfast and pet the dog. Conor was mostly a good dog. Just a mooch who stole food.

Darcy came out with her own breakfast and settled in to eat. "How was your night?"

"Decent enough. I have a fan."

She smiled. "Groupies? They happen to nice people sometimes. Should see Stark's. Not the panty points ones but the engineer groupies who want to bear him really smart babies and hope his IQ is sexually transmitted."

Bucky snorted, shaking his head. "No thanks. Those sort scare me."

"Me too." She dug back in, turning on the news. She sighed at the story about her and Kate's picture, sending Kate a text message. Kate's response was already being reported at least. They got an updated tape from that slimy reporter outside and was showing it now, including the scar showing. Bucky stared at her. She shrugged and ate more food. Now they were criticizing her weight. She flipped off the tv and turned the station before she heard them accuse her of molesting Kate.

Kate came in a few hours later, all dressed up prettily and in her usual sunglasses. "They're slime and I told them they're slime and that they're especially slime for taking bathroom shots." She flopped down with a sigh. "I told them all that we're not together, I've never went down on you, and that you're not fat, you're in good shape beyond the injury. They all pouted that it wasn't more juicy. I even pointed out that I like girls and guys but you're like a big sister."

"That's what I said too."

"I saw. So much shit," she sighed. "It's too much for fabulous women to put up with. We should go clubbing tonight."

"I've got tutoring if anyone shows up."

"Point. Well, we can hit a club afterward. I have tomorrow off until the late night training sesh." She smirked and got up. "Let me go bug Clint." She looked out Darcy's bedroom window, grimacing. "And of course he's not home."

"I heard Lucky outside," Darcy offered. "Conor was barking from the fire escape. I had to put his leash on him to keep him up here."

"Cool." She went to find Clint on his front stoop again, staring at him as he drank coffee. "I have suitably chastised the herd of infotainment reporters who thought I was doing naughty things with Darcy. We agreed, we're like sisters."

"You do kinda look alike," he agreed with a smirk.

She laughed. "True." She sat beside him, looking at Lucky, who was staring at her. "Yes, I'm in a skirt. No putting your cold nose up it this time please." He barked and let her pet him then ran off to pee on something. She shook her head. "Cutey's just as weird."

He nodded. "They can be. I heard Conor."

"She tied his leash to the fire escape so he couldn't come visit like some neighbor's kid."

"That's sweet." He looked over as Darcy came down the stairs with her usual oversized bag. "What're you doing now?" he called.

"I'm going to up our disaster supplies because we're due another one soon," she called without looking, waving at them. "That way my safe room has more supplies."

"Sure. Get more coffee for me?" he called.

"Of course." She shot him a smile before she got in to drive off.

He grinned at her. "Means I don't have to grocery shop later."

"Yeah," she snorted. "I'm still looking for an apartment of my own." He patted her on the arm and they played with Lucky when he ran back to suck up to them for nibbles or treats.


Clint looked at the person there to annoy him, and it was annoying he couldn't kill this agent stooge who thought he was immoral. He stared at the guy. "Who the fuck do you think you are to demand anything from me?" he asked dryly. "I don't work for your people and even if I did, that's not only illegal but in bad taste."

"We think you're the person to handle this problem, Agent Barton."

"SHIELD fell, I'm not an agent anymore," he said dryly. "And you still can't order me to handle anything for you." He stood up. "You done? Good," he said without waiting for an answer as he walked off. "I'll let someone know you've made that decision for myself and them."

"You could cooperate. It would go much more smoothly," the agent sneered as Clint walked off.

"I'm sure it would but I doubt it'll happen." He waved back at him. "Have a better day with your drugs." He was already calling as he walked off. "We need a conference call, now. You, me, her, Natasha, Katie." He hung up. When Stark called back, Clint played the recording of what was going on.

"Oh, fuck them," Kate said. "That'd make you a cradle robber, Clint."

"Yeah, I know." He grimaced as he walked outside, putting on his sunglasses. "And I doubt they want the fallout from that lie coming out."

"Oh, they're going to get it," Stark said. "It's already in the news, guys. Just reported."

"Fuck," Darcy muttered. "Okay. Kate, do you want to start off?"

"Oh, so mine," she agreed. "Thanks." She hung up and called someone. "It's Kate Bishop. No, I'm not changing my name to his. All he is is my mentor. I've never done more than sleep on his shoulder. No, I just heard the tape from where Clint met with agents against his will where they tried to force that on him. You mean beyond the point that I'm still seventeen?" she asked dryly. "And I've only had one boyfriend?" She smirked as the reporter cringed. "Yeah, so some agent somewhere had a crackhead idea and it's a horrible one to discredit Clint and me. So please? Can we counter it?

"Before I have to go cry on Darcy DeCrith's shoulder? No, they're not dating but she is like a big sister to me. And at the moment I think I'm her heir if HYDRA gets her again. Thanks. Sure, I can make a statement. Thank you." She hung up and went to find something better to wear. "Uniform or not to uniform," she muttered as she looked. "Uniform...." She texted Stark, he was the master of impression management for press conferences, who sent back 'no uniform, look like a bitch'. So she got into her only business suit, the one she had worn to her father's funeral. That wasn't a good comparison but someone would probably make it. She stepped out and had two reporters waiting on her. "I'm going to make a statement."

"They sent us for that," they agreed, smiling at her. "Congratulations."

"Whoever put that out there were smoking the funky drugs," Kate shot back with an evil smirk. "Because I've only slept on Clint's shoulder." They groaned. "Clint called after getting out of a meeting with an agent who was pressing this plan. He had it on tape. Clint Barton and I are no more than mentor/mentoree and practice buddies. We fight beside each other. I don't intend to ever ball his brains out or to do anything else they're suggesting we do. Which would be kind of illegal since I'm *seventeen*. Apparently the idiots who put this out there can't count." She stared at one reporter. "I know your people are bad about that, but aren't you usually better?"

"Yes, ma'am, we usually are. We can count. We know how old you are." He smiled. "So nothing to the rumors?"


"What about that one lady?"

"Darcy?" They nodded. "No, they're buddies. Our dogs play together, guys. She lives next door to Clint's building." They sighed. "Not that he's not hot and all, but we've both seen Clint scratching things and belching. Hell, I've seen him with the flu. Not the image I want when I'm trying to get busy with someone and it would pop up. Training with him is a special bond but not that way," she finished sarcastically. "And if someone filed a fake marriage certificate, they're in a hell of a lot of trouble due to my age." She smiled sweetly. "Thanks, guys. Can you tell the others?" They nodded and hurried off to spread that. She went to change and went to Darcy's place to hang out. Darcy just hugged her and handed over her dog for a jog. "Thanks." She and Conor went to the park with Cutey in her backpack to bark at the other joggers.


Clint decided to be more impressive. He was in his uniform out in front of Avengers tower, glaring at the reporters Stark had called for him. "People, shut up for a few," he said, replaying the tape of the agent's talk to him once they were quiet. A few groaned. "Kate and I are friends. We train together, well, I train her a lot. We jog together. Our dogs play together. We helped fight HYDRA together to get Darcy DeCriths back. We are not screwing. Especially since she's only seventeen. Not to quote a song lyric." He looked around at them then at one in particular.

"I know your news rag has put out various rumors about who I'm screwing but it sure isn't Kate Bishop. I like the girl, she's like my sister. There'll probably never be screwing going on unless we get hit with some sort of alien virus or that screwing drug that HYDRA keeps trying to dose people with. Seriously, and if they tried to file a fake license they're in for a rude shock since my last divorce isn't final yet. She never signed the papers." He smirked a tiny bit. "Someone is hitting the booze and it's wrong to try to force us to join them."

"So the agent is trying to calm down the teams that way?" one reporter said to make sure.

"Yeah, apparently he wanted to keep the Young Avengers team down by some of us screwing them. I'd hate to be the agent when those of us who have significant others hear." The reporters mostly shuddered.

Pepper stepped up behind him, brushing some shed hair off his shoulder. "I'd hate to be them when I find them as well since they tried to file fake marriage certificates between Tony and Miss America too," she said with a small, evil smirk. "He's not amused. I've had to lock him out of the lab until he calms down, people." They moaned, staring at her. "All the Avengers, and I have talked to all the members in the last few minutes, have been warned and if we found out they were a victim of this plan they can make their own statements beyond 'stop it'.

"Frankly, I'm going to find that agent to have a talk with them. I'm wondering if they're helping HYDRA with their attempted breeding program really." One of the reporters shuddered. "No, they thought about using her and Sam Wilson, who doesn't know Darcy. Darcy's already went on a rant and is about to find someone with my help. After all, we women have to be stronger sometimes." They fled at her evil smirk. She plucked off some more hair. "Was Lucky laying on your vest again?"

"Yeah. He considers it comfy," he quipped. "Darcy okay?"

"All but swore vengeance but I kept her from calling out to see if Lady Sif could help her smite someone."

"HYDRA?" he asked.

"Yup." She strolled off. "You have fun with them, Clint."

"Should I watch out for Steve's girlfriend?" he asked.

"You probably should but I warned Sharon before Steve, Clint." She shot a grin back at him before getting onto the elevator. "She was not amused either."

"Yeah, she can be that way." He walked off shaking his head to find the stupid humans. He did text Darcy, telling her to calm down and to talk to Sam. He was a nice guy. They could get along pretty well actually. The answer he got back should've had some symbols instead of letters. A whole lot of words that needed to be weeded out for their filthiness.


Scott Lang showed up last at the meeting, he had been out of town. "So, what happened?" he asked as he walked in. "I'm just thankful they didn't come after me or Cassie."

"They did try Cassie," Stark said, tossing down the file to him. "Then someone apparently realized she was a young teen and that was suicidal." He looked at Darcy. "You nearly took someone hostage, Lewis."

She smiled sweetly. "They had a gun on me anyway. The stupid fuckers who wanted to breed me again."

Stark blinked, staring at her. "You're mad."

"Ya think?" she asked sarcastically. "This isn't the first time they've tried to twine me with someone, Tony. As you know since we had to stop the story that I was your kid."

"Point. You've had a bad year."

She smiled sweetly at him. "Yes and if find the reasons for it I'm going to shoot them. It might take me a few times but...." Clint patted her on the back. "I'm fine, just mad."

"Being mad is good," Clint assured her. "I'm really happy that no one's got hold of that drug that they tried to get you with." She stared at him. "I'm not embarrassed but it'd look bad on you."

"They sent it to me, Clint. I didn't voluntarily take it."

"I know that. Calm down. I meant in the press."

"If they try that then I've got one hell of a shove back." She smirked at him. "And I heard from your ex-wife. She thanked me for making sure you ate."

"I talked to her last night," he sighed. "She's not amused."

"None of us are amused," Natasha said. "At least they didn't try me."

"Um, no, they put everyone into breeding pairs," Pepper told her. "I think they figured out you can't. Or maybe they decided you shouldn't with your history, Natasha."

"That's possible," she admitted. She looked at Scott, who was scowling. "Are you all right?"

"My ex-wife is livid," he admitted. "And not at everyone, just at the agents who tried this. I'll have to tell her about them trying Cassie. She's not even on a team."

Darcy looked at him. "Have you talked to her about that stuff?"

"Why would I? She's a normal kid," he said.

"Because she sees you doing it," Darcy said. "And she might want to follow you."

He blinked a few times. "She'd be about the only second generation if she did," Stark said. "But a few of the mutant teams do have second gen kids because their parents did." Scott growled. "Calm down. She's too young to do more than train right now."

"Which she is," Clint told him. "She's been going to the same gym as Katie does."

Scott sighed, shaking his head. "Great. Thanks for letting me know I need to talk to my daughter, guys."

"Welcome," Clint said. "Though it might make her stubborn."

"Have her talk to a few of them about how hard it is," Darcy said. "Including how hard it is to have a normal life. Plus all the injuries."

He nodded. "Yeah, I'm going to have a parental talk with her tonight apparently." He leaned on the table. "What are we doing about the fake certificates?"

"I've already gotten a lawyer for the team and an appointment with a judge," Stark said. "He was not amused but thought it might be a good idea to keep the kids out of spandex."

Kate looked down the table at him. "Sorry but I didn't know that having a spouse would stop what I felt I had to do. Because if I feel I have to do something I'll damn well do it, Stark."

"Good," Pepper agreed, reaching down to pat her on the shoulder. "The world needs more people who make a difference." She looked at the others. "We're going in front of a judge in a few weeks. It was as fast as the emergency hearing could be heard."

Darcy waved a hand. "I've already talked to my lawyer about this and other things so he knows he doesn't have to redo my will yet." She looked at Kate, who was scowling at her. "Keep it up and I'll put you before any of the kids I adopt or have while I remove the rest of the list of possible heirs," she said dryly. Kate rolled her eyes but smiled. Everyone stared at her. "I've got to leave my recipes and funds to someone, people." She shrugged and crossed her feet. "My lawyer was amused and told me the many laws they violated," she said, passing it to Stark with a smirk. "He was evilly amused."

"Good. Is your lawsuit still going?"

"Yup." She smiled smugly. "The judge has actually ordered him to pay judgements finally. The one for the charities just got that order and a lien against his properties until he does that and proves it to the judge."

"Good," Pepper agreed. "By the way, this is Sam." She pointed.

Darcy smiled and waved at him. "Hi, Sam. We barely met at that one community helping conference. I'm Darcy, your wife." He cracked up but reached across the table to shake her hand. "I used to be Jane Fosters' intern."

"That's cool." He looked at the others then at Pepper. "Can we help?"

"You've all put out statements," she said. "You'll probably have to testify during that hearing."

"We'll need to up the security at the courthouse then," America said from her seat, swinging it back and forth. "It'd be a juicy target that day." She looked at Steve, who nodded. "Can we get real agents?"

"Yes, we can probably get SHIELD to help guard it," he said. "I can ask." Darcy passed down a phone number she looked up. "Who's this, Darcy?"

She smiled. "Your near twin." He smirked back and tucked it into his shirt pocket. "It'd get them out of the Middle East because for some reason I heard rumors that they're going to have a huge problem soon."

"I can call to see if they need the help," Steve agreed. She smiled. "Can we help them?"

She got into her email and handed down her phone. Clint glanced at it and groaned but handed it on. "Hopefully someone can," she told him.

Steve read that email, grimacing. "That's going to suck. How would they know?"

"They're a minion."

"Oh, crap. Okay." He tossed it to Stark, who read the email with a grimace.

"Yeah, that needs to be stopped by others so we don't have a sudden problem." He handed the phone back to Darcy. "Let us handle that, Lewis. You're not that good."

"I never wanted to be that good," she admitted. "HYDRA and all that just made me be mean."

"True. We'll work on that tonight. For right now, we have to stop the agents. Was he Homeland?" he asked Clint.

"Worse. NSA."

"Yay, the terror police that terrorize others," Darcy said dryly. "I'm still wondering why they're hacking my computer." Stark sat up to stare at her. "Unless you got into my email from my step-aunt and then marked it as unread when I had already read it?"

"No," he admitted. "I didn't." He smiled. "We can check, Darce."

"Thanks." She grinned. "Before I have to start to fund a team to protect me. Though I did promise Jake he could at least have my closet if he ever needed it."

Stark looked at her. "That's so weird."

She smiled. "It'd be up to him if he wanted more than the closet. I can't just *assume*."

"Uh-huh." He looked at Sam then at her. "Have you gotten any flack since you're in the only interracial attempt?"

"No. I haven't heard from any of the friends I know though. They know I would've announced it myself if I had gotten married. Though I haven't heard from many of them since I got back from the kidnaping really." She stared at him. "I know they're fickle and sometimes assholes, Stark. I grew up with them. There's only one other interracial couple in my friends group and her daughter's adorkable. Seriously adorkable."

"They can be really pretty babies," Sam Wilson agreed. "Would they dump you as friends for that?"

She looked at him. "Yeah, some would, Sam. There's assholes even in the less worried about money groups." He grimaced. "By the way, I signed an order with my lawyer that this was not a legal marriage so you were not entitled to my estate."

"Thanks. That'll help a lot."

"That's what he said in case I get kidnaped again." He nodded. "Kate's my present heir." She smiled at her then at Sam. "Though you're cute and all."

"No, that's one thing I don't want to deal with," he agreed. "I can't imagine what sort of problems that would bring."

"No, problems is my cousin really needs an heir. They're still debating if my grandmother's title is going to be passed onto him." Stark moaned, thumping his head on his chair. "They're aware of what happened to him so they're talking about it. Not sure yet. It'll probably be a year before we hear anything."

Pepper stared at her oddly. "Your grandmother had a title?"

"She married into it. Her first husband was a lord." She grinned. "He died on their honeymoon from the sex without heirs. The death certificate they had to hand in said 'died due to cardiac arrest during sexual matters'. Then she married her second husband, who was a DeCriths."

"Your father took your mom's name?" America asked her.

"Yeah. It made it easier on him in Hollywood." She shrugged. "Money people get noticed more because they fund productions."

She just nodded. "Wow."

"Yeah, and his was hard to spell according to him." She grinned.

"Seriously weird." She looked at Tony, who was smiling. "You knew?"

"Yeah, I knew. My mom told me once so I wouldn't bring it up at a party."

Darcy shrugged. "Wasn't like it was a secret, Tony."

"What does your father's people do?" Kate asked.

Darcy shrugged. "I've never talked to a single one of them. I have no idea. I know they never showed up, never wrote, never called, nothing. I'm not even sure if I have relatives that way. We had one history assignment where we had to do a family tree and he had a talk with the teacher so I had the flu that week."

Kate blinked a few times. "Witness protection maybe?"

"No clue." She shrugged but grinned. "Never had one and I never really wondered. I figured if they weren't interested in his life they certainly wouldn't be interested in mine."

"Huh." She nodded. "We can do the thing."

"No need. I don't need to know."

Stark looked it up, blinking a few times. "It's listed as no match for that name." He looked at her. "So maybe he changed out of his witness protection name. I can ask Coulson if he'll look."

"Not interested, Tony. Really. But thanks."

"Welcome, kid." He'd think about that later. Just in case it'd come back to bite her again.

"With your luck they were probably mobbed up," Clint joked. "Something about booze runners during prohibition."

She considered it. "Grandmother's husband was running a major bank and had a backroom poker buddy room so he probably broke that rule too," she admitted. "Grandmother probably would've made a great moll."

Steve looked down at her. "Seriously?"

"Yeah." She pulled up a picture of her grandmother. "That's her when I was a kid." She let him see it. "She shocked everyone by fighting for women's rights to vote. Went to jail a few times. She was a strong woman with ideas about how things should be and she thought drinking was kind of nasty but it's what people did as she put it. If Grandfather had wanted to she probably would've helped him smuggle some in."

"Wow." He stared. "Did I meet her?"

"Not that she ever mentioned but her husband was a banker." She shrugged. "No clue." She looked up a picture online. "That's her wedding picture from the Boston Herald's archives." She let him see it.

"She was a looker," he said. He frowned. "I met her husband so maybe." He handed the phone back.

"It wouldn't surprise me any but he died before I was born." She shrugged. "Grandmother said he was a good man who liked to lecture a lot when things went wrong in his life. He sounded a bit OCD really."

Clint smiled. "You are about your kitchen so you get it naturally at least."

She bopped him on the arm. "You made an unholy level of mess, Clint. Of course I fussed."

"Point," he admitted. "Though Lucky made the mess."

"Yes, but Lucky couldn't clean it up," she said dryly. "You had to use the sponge for him."

Stark looked at Sam, who smiled. "She's like my sister," Clint told him.

"You seem to have a few of those," Sam joked. "Her and Kate."

"Kate's like my little sister anyway," Darcy quipped. "So that works."

"We even look somewhat alike," Kate agreed with a grin for her.

Stark shook his head. "I think about Lewis the same way, Wilson. She's great at being a sister."

"She is," Steve agreed. He looked at her. "Where's Bucky?"

"The last I knew he was on my fire escape watching the mob guys play dice in the alley again. I told him about the meeting, Steve."

"Fine. Are they bothering you?"

"They're really protective of her," Clint said dryly. "And kind of scared of her really." She just smiled sweetly at him. "She made the two that helped her cookies. A few thought she should thank them from their laps but liked the cookies. If something's going on they make sure she's pushed back into her building with the dog. The one time they forgot the dog the officer had to pull the dog off the guy trying to mug her. They follow her and the dog on walks to the park. They don't try to flirt with her real often though." She shrugged at everyone's look. "I don't know why and when I asked why the sudden respect for her I got given dirty looks."

"It took them more than a year to realize you were scary," Kate reminded him. "Before that they thought you were annoying and just a guy. Hell, it took them six months to realize I was pretty. Before then I got menaced a few times but then they figured out I'm pretty so they tried to flirt for a bit."

"They are not the best representation of Russians," Natasha said dryly. "Would you like them to flirt with you?"

"Better flirting than promising I'd make an ugly pro at their club," Kate shot back. "Which got one stabbed."

"I've gone from 'you're weird' to 'oh shit protect her'," Darcy said. "No clue why."

"They saw you tazing a guy," Kate reminded her.

"Point. Maybe that's it. Though one did tell me that my tazer wouldn't work on a drive by when he shoved me inside the building."

"You really get respect from the Russian mob guys?" Bruce Banner asked her.

"Yeah. They seem to not want to upset me. They don't flirt with me. They don't do more than nod politely. I have no idea what changed that."

"Me either," Clint admitted. Bruce stared at him. "They tried to menace me at first. I was ruining their plans." He shrugged. "It took a bit but they realized I'm scary when I want to be." He smiled. "Even in a suit with the dog."

"I'm glad I don't have to deal with that," Bruce said, looking at Natasha, who shrugged back.

"They are not good representations of Russians," she reminded him. "They have few skills outside of wearing jewelry and track suits."

"And saying 'bro' a lot," Clint quipped.

"I think they have may something like Tourette's syndrome that makes you repeat words," she shot back with a grimace.

"I'm worried one got into my room and tried on a pretty robe," Darcy told Clint, grimacing some. "I didn't leave that robe out; I never wear the lacy thing that was a present from an ex-boyfriend. Yet it was on the back of my door."

"So either they were trying it on or someone left it out as a hint to wear it?" Steve asked her.

"Gotta be because I'm not haunted by more than Bucky and he doesn't touch my clothes to wear or otherwise."

Steve shook his head quickly. "I can't see Bucky wearing women's clothes. That's such a bad image." She patted him on the arm. "Thanks, Darcy."

"Welcome." She smiled at him. "I'll tell him that later." He snorted but smiled at her, shaking his head again but more happily this time.

Stark was rubbing his eyes, shaking his head, and moaning. "I can see him in your beanies and scarves but not the flirty things." He paused to stare at her. "You don't have flirty things."

"I do so. I just don't get a chance to wear them anymore."

"You should do more of that. You're too young to waste away, Darcy," he ordered.

"I should but then again I'd probably get kidnaped again."

"Point. Well...."

"No, we went clubbing one night," Kate told him, sighing at the end. "So bad."

Darcy kicked her under the table. "It wasn't *that* bad. Just because the two married lech's tried to rophy us and take us home to share with their wives. Who were serial killers."

America looked at Kate then at Darcy. "Glad I was too busy to go with you two that night." She looked at Clint. "Are they like that usually?"

"I think it follows Darcy." She swatted him on the arm. "Seriously, Darce. It seems to follow you."

"If so, I'm holding it for Jane."

"Quite possibly," Pepper said. "What about a nice, upscale club."

"They don't dance at those," Darcy told her. "It's all polite drinking and 'would you like to suck a dick tonight' questions, Pepper. I don't want some polite guy to ask me to suck him in the back room between his expensive glasses of scotch on the rocks."

Sam was choking, moaning some. "Very blunt, Darcy."

She smiled. "Yes, I tend to be." She looked at Pepper. "We went to a rave after busting those two and it was just fine. No threats or anything. Kate got groped. I got groped. Still didn't get any."

Kate shook her head. "I can't claim to be that innocent." She smirked at her. "You could've taken that one guy home."

"Kate, he was sixteen. My name is not Cougar; I don't wear a hat."

"He was a hotty," she admitted. "Jake was a cute geek too. 'Mer, we should adopt them if they come back to the states."

"Sure. Introduce me, Katie." She waved a hand around with a grin. "Talented is always good."

"They're commandos, you're too young for them," Stark told her. "And Jake looks a lot like Steve's clone."

She grinned at Steve. "I don't want to creep you out but you know you're pretty, right?" He nodded, looking amused. "Then that'd work." She smirked at Stark. "Just like the prior generation, we do have stress relief needs, Stark. You could buy bimbos. I can't."

"They're so stupid it's almost useless anyway if you buy one," Darcy told her. "They expect a lot of nothingness. I had one pout that I wasn't going to tie him down and pound him into the bed when I said I wanted a cuddle. I told him I would but he had a sore I didn't want to get too near." She rolled her eyes. "Really not worth it but post battle cuddles helped me a lot. Then I went clubbing the next night and some semi-titled, little dicked thing wanted me bad enough to go down there."

America Chavez looked at her in awe. "You rented?"

"Only for cuddles. I didn't want to catch whatever the last lady who rented him had. I think some of the club whores are cleaner than some of them."

America stared at her. "Hold on, you're never in battles."

"She was on the sidelines of New Mexico and London," Pepper told her. Darcy smiled and nodded. "And yes, cuddles are great when you need to calm down after battles. If you don't have a constant source, renting them is reasonable sometimes. I nearly did a few times."

"Hey!" Tony complained.

"You were in the lab," she told him dryly. "I don't have Darcy's gift of getting you out of there."

"There were a few days I nearly did an exorcism of Science," Darcy told her. "Just to make it quiet down as a spirit. Those days, I slipped in something that they'd eat that would make them sleepy."

"I need to try that," Pepper said, staring at Tony. Who grimaced but shook his head.

Clint was shaking his head but trying not to laugh. "Yeah, you wrangled it better," he agreed.

"That's why I got lemon tea," Bruce realized. Darcy smiled and nodded. "You're sneaky, kid."

"Yes I am." She grinned.

Sam Wilson was staring at that young woman someone wanted him to date and marry. She was not the usual sort. "Do you still club?" he asked.

"Not as often. I have HYDRA trying the same damn thing to hook me up with Barnes," she said dryly. "Apparently my genetics are just right to be knocked up with super soldier babies."

Sam shook his head quickly. "That figures."

"Figures is the guy behind it originally was a vet," Darcy said dryly. "He didn't understand that most women aren't fertile on their cycle or what a tampon was for."

"So far beyond most geeks' level of not dealing with anyone," Pepper sighed. "Who has the plan now?"

"AIM," Clint and Kate said together. She stuck her tongue out at him.

"It's to the point where I actually thought about having a kid so they'd have to lay off for a while," Darcy said dryly. "Then I realized how much work kids take and I'm not ready yet." She looked at Bruce. "Is that stuff in the Avengers database in case?"

"Not yet," he admitted. He looked at the others. "Darcy's been dosed in the past by HYDRA," he told the others.

"And a few police officers who opened the suspicious package," Clint said.

"They have a super anti-inhibitant gas. There's a usual form and an associated gas that can be added to make it so it'll pop back up randomly in your life even if you take the antidote." Bruce leaned his arms on the table. "The thing's nasty. It makes it so you *have* to screw to solve it. The antidote will only work if you've broken that need twice, even with yourself. So far they've only sent it in packages."

"The suspicious one had forty pounds of sex toys and restraints," Clint told him. "And a balloon full of the lesser gas."

"The one in Chicago that we avoided was in a regular mailing envelope with plastic coating but I didn't see an interior holder when the security team showed me."

Scott nodded. "I didn't notice it either until I noticed she was shaking after someone dosed her with the stuff by wiping some on her cheek with a fingertip. Thankfully there is an antidote."

Darcy nodded quickly. "It's bad enough I wore out a vibrator in the tub."

Kate swallowed. "That's nasty."

"Very," Clint told her. "We'd have to figure out how to cure that for you if you get dosed. Or Steve."

"Dr. Fitz, with SHIELD and on Coulson's team, asked me to look into it one of the ones with serum got hit or myself," Bruce told him. "Steve, Bucky, and Natasha would metabolize it fairly rapidly but the serum would make it stick around, possibly to the point where it integrated to make it normal for them to be that way. They wouldn't need the second gas added." He looked at Natasha. "I told you about that stuff."

"You did," she agreed with a nod. "What about yours?"

"You're going to lock me in a room and hope I change back," he admitted. "In my body, the serum would react thousands of times stronger than it should in Hulk form. If I'm normal, I'd have it last longer and might Hulk out."

"So lock you in a room and toss in a blow up doll?" Stark suggested. "With body signs and the like?"

Bruce glared at him. "I doubt that would fool the Hulk, Stark."

"Doc, I didn't really care what form the dick took, I just needed it," Darcy told him. "That might be enough. Though I will note that I had a *lot* of muscle cramps and twitches plus shaking badly. It did distract from the necessary things a few times."

"How did you solve it?" Kate asked her.

"Two vibrators, a long hot bath, and a helping set of hands that made it better once I got the antidote. Still took six hours after I got hit with the antidote."

Kate blinked a few times. "Wow. Yeah, let's try to get that out of the common areas," she told America.

"If we hear about it, we'll gladly confiscate it and hand it to you, Stark. I don't need that in my life."

"Thanks. Bruce, can we neutralize it if it's released in an open area?"

"It's very stable. It'll dilute but not die. You need to worry more about those who came in direct contact with it than the mass in the area. We'd have to quarantine an area but those ones would need immediate support."

Stark nodded. "Okay. Can we put a reading of it in the system so my suit can detect it?"

"Already have," Bruce assured him. "FRIDAY was not amused about that gas and hoped no one ever released it where she had to see it. She put into your suit's system but not the general Avengers database."

"I hope not too," he agreed dryly. "That'd suck."

"Sucks was the body ache," Scott told him. "And the ten hours it took overall."

Clint nodded. "Nine of it working it out of her body."

Pepper stared at them. "Really?"

Scott pointed at Clint. "I sat in the hall to guard them. He came with the antidote."

Darcy smiled at him. "You're a good hanging out buddy, Scott."

"Thanks." He grinned at Clint. "Sorry to spill that."

"I'm not ashamed. Darcy needed me." He shrugged.

"Clint, there was a time I would've tipped you over so fast you would've squealed," Darcy said dryly. "You're a buddy though and I don't tarnish friendships with sex."

He grinned at her. "Thanks, kid."

"Welcome." She nudged him with an elbow. He snorted but got her back.

"I'll gladly send you two on a great honeymoon as a wedding present," Stark quipped with a grin for them.

Clint stared at him. "I could use a vacation but marrying is a horrible price to pay for it, Stark. Been there, done that, have the scars from the nails to prove it."

Pepper smiled at him. "I like your ex. She's nice."

"To you," he snorted. "It wasn't even my fault we broke up."

Natasha looked at him. "She forgave you for being a man."

"Gee, thanks."

"Now I know what being married's like," Kate quipped with a smirk for Clint.

"It's like being a roomie you have sex with as often as you can talk them into it and you have to give up shit," Clint told her, being blunt. "And you have to do things to make them happy so they give up sex more often. It also means people use your stuff and sometimes steal t-shirts that you get back after the laundry's done."

"Wow. I guess I'll play the field. I can't stand to have someone in my space all the time yet."

"Ditto," Darcy admitted. "I've lived with a few boyfriends for a few months and it drove me nuts. I can compromise like a pro but their things are already arranged and you can't change it on them so it looks better. You have to think about things like housework more often because two people make three times the mess single people do. You have to scale back meals so you're only cooking for two instead of making enough to put into the freezer for an extra week's worth of meals because you don't know if they'll like it or not. And if you're married you can't just break up and go 'it's been fun but I can't do this' and walk."

Kate nodded slowly. "Yeah, not doing that." She shook her head quickly. "I'll play the field for now. Thanks."

Steve looked down at Darcy. "Do you have that problem with Bucky?"

"He only comes in to pet the dog and sometimes for dinner. The same as Clint and Kate do." She shrugged. "He lives on the roof and sometimes the neighbor's roof when he's staring at the pretty lesbians downstairs on the other side of my building. They like to go at it on the fire escape."

Steve blinked at her. "Why isn't he coming in?"

"I've offered," she said with a shrug. "He won't. He'll come in for a little while then go back to hiding."

"Damn it."

"I worried when he disappeared for three weeks but when I asked if he was all right because he had disappeared he gave me dirty looks and refused to eat dinner before escaping for a few more days."

Steve sighed. "I'll talk to him, Darcy. Do you think you can find him his own apartment?"

"No clue," she admitted. "Clint found me mine."

"I know there's a few in the neighborhood," Clint told him. "I'll suggest it later tonight."

"Okay." He settled back in his seat. "Thanks. Let me know if I can help by suggesting something so he can get stubborn against something else."

"We can do that. Even if I do have to adopt a stray dog to give to him," Darcy quipped with a smile for him. "Therapy dogs are great."

Steve considered it. "That might help him, I don't know," he admitted. "You can ask him, Darce."

"I'll do that later." Her phone beeped so she looked at it. "Great. The meglomaniac is out of jail and blaming being arrested on me too. I really should go behead him and his whole family." Clint took her phone from her. "Hey!"

"We can talk about the slimebag later," Kate said, placating her. "You don't have to be Saudi on him, Darcy. There's many more fun ways to ruin him."

"I got told to quit being so evil. I scared my lawyer enough he wrote Stark." Tony nodded with a smirk. "So I'm not allowed to really go evil."

"We'll talk about him tonight when my team meets, okay?"

"Fine. Can I have my phone back to answer them?"

"No." She sent out a quick text that Darcy was in an important meeting and they were keeping her calm before she found a whip or something to use on the idiot's backside since apparently his parents had never taught him anything. She tucked the phone into her purse with a grin for Clint. "It'll probably be handled."

"We hope," he agreed. Darcy's phone beeped again. "Them?"

She looked then slid it over. "Unknown number. Tutee?"

"Not sure." She opened that text. "No, the mob guys want to ask me a question." She sent back a 'I'm uptown and it'll be about an hour' back. They agreed it was fine and could wait on her and the dog. She put her phone back into her purse but Clint stole it. "Hey!"

"Yay. What did they want?"

"No clue. He didn't say. Just that he wanted to ask me a question." She shrugged. She took her phone back and put it into her bra then smiled at the others. "I should've brought brownies. I'm in the mood to bake."

Stark moaned. "I hate you. I'm going to be too fat to fit into my suit."

Darcy gave him a weird look. "I haven't baked for you since your birthday, Tony."

He sat up, staring at her. "I got cookies just like yours the other day."

"Not unless someone else mailed them. Clint, Kate?"

"No, not us," Kate admitted. "You haven't made cookies in a few weeks."

"Huh," Stark said with a nod. "So I have an admirer who bakes, Pep."

"Is it one of the engineers who thinks your IQ is sexually transmitted?" Kate asked dryly. "Darcy swears there's a herd of them."

"There are," Pepper agreed dryly. "Way too many of them. Some even got plastic surgery so they'd be more pleasing to him." Kate burst out laughing. "Seriously. We had three of them apply to be interns this year." She looked at Tony. "We'll test the cookies later if you've got any left."

"I didn't feel any funny effects but sure," he agreed. He blinked at Darcy. "Really?" She nodded. "Damn. They tasted just like yours."

"Most of the ones I make are pretty generic recipes I've jazzed up a bit. You might ask Cassie if she made them. I shared some of my recipes with her."

Scott shrugged. "I can ask her," he agreed. They all looked at each other. "Okay, so a different weird thing." They all nodded. "Great. Darcy, which cookie recipes aren't that generic?"

"My mom had recipes from some of my grandmother's friends, who were mostly foreign born. So we have some Italian and some Jewish cookie recipes in the book and a few others. The rum balls aren't because I make mine with gingerbread type cookies instead of graham cookies."

He blinked a few times. "You make rum balls?" Bruce asked.

She smiled and nodded. "I made a ton of them for the mob guys that helped me a few weeks back."

"Huh." He nodded.

"I use a spiced rum and gingerbread sort of mixture then powder it with powdered sugar mixed with the new glazing sugar stuff."

"That sounds nice."

She smiled. "I know when your birthday is," she teased.

"I wouldn't mind that then." He smiled at her. "You do bake exceptionally well."

"Thank you." She looked at Clint. "Are you going to throw a fit that I'm helping Matt with something?" she asked him.

He stared at her. "Why would I?"

She blinked at him. "You haven't heard. Okay. Well, just don't throw a fit. Okay?"

"Yeah, why?"

"I'll tell you later."

"Seriously?" Stark demanded. "We know most everything else."

"I'm helping someone by playing pretty bait. Only in pictures though."

Clint blinked at her. "I heard about that plot, Darcy. I was hoping they hadn't seen you."

"I'm bored, Clint. Really, really bored." He shuddered. "I've really got to start a real job sometime soon and then figure things out from there. The last one got another bribery letter and tried for it but haven't gotten paid yet."

"That figures. The man's never paid anyone," Kate quipped. "What about expanding your mom's?"

"I'm still working on building the trust up. That only takes me a few hours a week. I do it all Wednesday night."


"The Maria Stark Foundation needs some help," Pepper offered with a smile. "You do have the skills."

Darcy smiled at her. "I can help there, Pepper. Not a problem. Do I need to wow the corporate structure with my outfits?"

"No. Not most of the time and I'll give you warning."

"Thanks. Let me know when you need me. I'm great at community organizing."

"Tomorrow," she said with a nod. "We're in the middle of grant giving season."

She smiled. "I can come help tomorrow. See if it's something I can handle." Pepper smiled and nodded. "Thank you."

"Welcome. How are you playing bait?"

Darcy got into her phone and sent her an email that Clint tried to see and couldn't. "That."

Pepper looked at it away from Tony, blinking at it. "Wow. Yeah, that's very bait." She closed that email and looked at the younger woman. "Wow."

"Thank you. It was really uncomfortable too."

"If it's naked pictures I don't want to see them," Scott complained. Steve nodded he agreed. Darcy pulled up one and tossed her phone at his head so he'd catch it. He blinked. "Oh, wow." Steve looked over, blinking hard at it. He closed that out and slid it back down the table so Kate could have her phone back. "Yeah, that's bait."

"It'd draw a lot of people," Steve agreed. She grinned at him for that compliment.

"Why can't I know?" Clint demanded. Darcy huffed but showed him that picture. "Damn."

"With the hipsters going backward, there's a definite air of nostalgia going on. He's one of them."

"Oh, that guy. Yeah. That'd... Huh." He handed the phone back. "I agree, wow."

She smiled. "Thanks. Really." He pinched her but she poked him back.

"Yeah, they're like siblings," Stark said dryly. "Pepper?"

"No, you can't see it, Tony."

"Fine. Is she naked?"

"No. Not hardly," Steve said. "Very poster girl though."

"Really? They've went nostalgic all the way back there?" Stark asked her.

"Some have. They've went back to record players and all sorts of things. They're even using the regular mail instead of email."

"Wow. Way nostalgic," Scott agreed. "Huh." They all got back to the problems with HDYRA and the new dossiers that they had of their agents thanks to them coming after Darcy. Even Steve hadn't seen a few of those.


Darcy settled on her stoop with her dog once she got back, petting him while he danced around. "We'll go walk in a minute. Let me tie my shoes." She did that. He nearly dragged her to the park. She found Lucky had gotten out. "You naughty puppy, did you run away?" she demanded. Lucky barked and ran over to play with her. She petted him. "Stay with me, Lucky. Heel." He followed the other dog and her around the park to pee on things. She ran into one of the mob guys and Lucky barked, making Conor bark. "Hush," she ordered. They quit, staring at her. "Thank you." She smiled at him. "So, what's up?"

"Some of our kinsman have found people like that one armed scary one," he said quietly, looking around then at her again. "We do not like such things. If people like those can't appreciate beauty, then they shouldn't be around."

She smiled. "I'll let them know. Where?" He handed over a letter. "Thank you." She kissed him on the cheek. "If you're the one that pulled out that robe to try it on, it's scratchy and from a sleezy ex-boyfriend sort."

He laughed. "No, I think that one young one wanted you to wear it so he could peer at you."

She rolled her eyes. "I don't accept stalkers."

"He's scared you'll hurt him if he asks you out." He walked off. "Be safer."

"I'll try. Thank you. C'mon, guys, let's get Lucky home." They walked off together. No Clint's lights being on so she brought Lucky with her and opened the fire escape window. "Bucky?" she called quietly. He leaned over the edge of the building. "C'mere please?"

"More problems with Conor?"

"No." She got out of the way and went to the kitchen. He climbed in and she patted the envelope. "The guys think you're super scary and I'm still wondering if you pulled out that lacy robe to try it on. Steve said he couldn't see you in my clothes but ya never know."

Bucky stared at her then sighed, shaking his head. "I would not try on your clothes. I don't have the chest for it, Lewis." She smirked. "Did Steve groan?"

"A lot." She winked. "That's info for you guys. He said they didn't appreciate beauty so they shouldn't be allowed in the homeland."

He opened it to look at, staring at it. "Damn it," he said. "They have others."

"Okay. Can we rescue them? Or can Steve actually rescue them?"

He stared at her. "What?"

"Can Steve and them rescue them? It's kinda what they do."

"I'm not sure if they can be rescued."

"Well, maybe you should check? Is there some way to check?"

"I don't know," he admitted. "I'll..." He grimaced.

"Steve wanted us to suggest that you get a real apartment soon too so call him so he can nag. Clint said there's a few open here in the neighborhood."

He stared at her. "Long meeting?" he guessed.

"Yeah. Very." She smiled, sipping her coffee. "You could use a couch of your own and maybe even a dog? Something to keep you company so you can talk to it? Like a therapist only it licks instead of offering advice?"

He blinked a few times. "What?"

"Therapy dog, Bucky. They're a thing that can help you. Like seeing eye dogs only for those who have issues. Like panic attacks and those sort of things? Or even just for company so you're not always alone on the roof. You can't steal Conor but you're really good with him and I think it'd be great if you had something there to talk to when you're muttering at the knives again."

"You heard that?"

"My window was open for air."

"Oh." He grimaced. "I can't guarantee I'll be here all the time."

"Dogs can travel. We can even get it paperwork as a therapy dog so it can go most places with you."

"I didn't know we had things like that."

"Yeah. You can ask Sam or Steve if you want."

"I...I might do that."

"Cool. Sam seems pretty nice. I'm guessing that's why they tried to marry him off to me."

He stared, mouth open. "They did what?"

"The newest agent plot." She found the forms and pulled them out of her bag, letting him see it. "That's why we had the meeting."

He read them over, shuddering. "Stevie's going to destroy people."

"I'd be more worried about his girlfriend." She smirked at him. "Sharon's not a pussycat, just like her great-aunt Peggy wasn't."


"Yeah. He just found out recently. So he could use the nagging back."

"Yeah, I can do that. Thanks, Darce." He petted Conor since he was being cute to get belly rubs from him. He climbed back out, going to talk to Steve at the tower. He was still probably there. Turns out he was closer in a pizza place with Clint talking about Darcy. He sat down, handing over the letter. "There's therapy dogs?"

"Yeah," Clint agreed with a nod and a grin. "They're there to talk to and all that. You'd have to have a place to live to qualify to get one but yeah. They're really handy for vets. There's a great program that helps vets get them. Sam helps with it."

"That's cool. What if I'm out."

"Darcy might puppysit. She does for the rest of us."

"Including Lucky. I couldn't catch him when he got out earlier to go bark at the ice cream shop until they shooed him off without a treat."

Clint groaned, shaking his head, texting Darcy that he'd be there soon to get his dog. She sent back a picture. "Whoever's playing with her clothes did it again. Lucky's really loving that red nightie." He let the others see it.

"It goes nicely against his fur colors," Steve quipped. He looked at Bucky.

"She told me," he said with a scowl, then an eye roll. "I don't have the chest for her clothes, Steven."

"We could see the beanies and the scarves though," Clint said with a grin.

"Gee, thanks."

"Seeing her in those shorts and that bra top really was better than the beanies," Steve said. Bucky stared at him. "Something she's been doing. Apparently people are going back to the older things like records and pinups."

"She'd make a fine one," he agreed. He swallowed to make sure he wasn't drooling. "I can see that." Damn he could see that. Speaking of...she was parking and getting out. She strolled in all dolled up in a dress and with her hair and makeup done. "You going out?"

"I got invited out to dinner with an old college study buddy." She kissed Clint on the top of the head. "The dog's still on my bed. You know how to get in." She strolled off. "And I fed him already, Clint."

"Thanks." He watched her walk, him and most of the rest of the people in there. "Dayam."

Steve nodded, sipping his drink. "Very."

Bucky swallowed again. "I remember dames like her. They were always fun."

"She could use some fun," Clint told him. "She can't even go out to have fun without worrying about those sort."

"There's no more dance halls," he complained.

"Yeah there are. There's two in Manhattan and one about eighteen blocks from here that also does lessons during the day." Clint gave him a smug look. "I think someone looked that up for Steve."

"They did," he agreed. "I took Sharon last week and I still don't know how to dance." Bucky hit him on the arm. "She led," he said with a grin.

"Sure, you're good at that," Bucky told him, getting a scowl back. He stared back at him. "You let a dame lead?"

"She wanted to."

"That's more reasonable. Some dames gotta be in charge everywhere."

"Sometimes," Clint agreed. He finished that slice of pizza. "I should go rescue the dog before he starts to want nighties to sleep in. You two have fun." He put down money and left.

Bucky shifted to the other seat to stare at Steve. "You were going to nag?"

"I was about to offer you my spare room," he admitted.

"No. I'm...."

Steve patted him on the hand. "I realize that, Bucky. But if I suggest it maybe it'll make you want to get your own place again."

He stared at him. "I'm not a dame, I'm not that complicated. Stop it."

"Sorry." He smiled. "You seem to go in the opposite direction of anything I suggest though." Bucky huffed but got comfortable, eating a slice of pizza while he watched around them. "Bucky, neighborhoods like this, HYDRA would be really dumb to come into," he said quietly. "Because it would mean making another enemy. Those mob guys probably have higher ups they answer to."

"Point, but still not good to let down your guard." He ate another bite. "So, Sharon?"

Steve smiled and pulled out a picture. "She's a dish."

"She is," he agreed, staring at the picture. "Could use some meat on her bones but she's very sweet looking."

"With a meaner right hook than her aunt. We spar sometimes." He gave his buddy a sappy smile. "She can even beat Natasha sometimes."

"That's great." He let Steve talk about his woman. It was good for Steve to finally get all the chicks. Bucky still got plenty of temporary ones when he wanted one but Steve being in puppy love was so cute.


Darcy came back from her dinner out limping and with a black eye and a torn sleeve on her sweater. Clint, who was eating cheetos on her couch, stared at her. "Don't ask." She limped into her bedroom. She opened the bedroom window. "Yo, dudes, whoever keeps leaving the skimpy shit on my bed, I'm not that size! Thanks! Haven't been since sixth grade. Also, I hate stalkers. Ask me damn it, not stalk me!" She slammed her window shut and went into the bathroom to clean up and change.

"Darcy, did something like another lizard attack happen?" he called.

"No, rabid fundamentalists did because I dared insult their leader by not wanting his skanky ass," she called back. "I think they were secretly militant Amish people since they complained the dress showed my arms and knees."

Clint sighed, eating another bite of cheeto, looking Conor. "Your human could use a hug." He barked and went to find her to do that. He put up his bag of cheetos and relaxed until she came out carrying the dog and in sweats. "So they attacked you at the restaurant?"

"Yeah. Apparently it's their place. My study buddy was horrified that they came out to nag me for daring to protect myself. He told them that everyone had the right to protect themselves, especially their asses from groping. So one tried to hit me with a hot cast iron plate for fajitas he took off an empty table. I kindly decked him and got the other two but one's elbow got me and they tried to keep me from getting away by grabbing me. The officer that responded to my friend's call glared at me but he saw the videos from other patrons and said I need more self protection training because I fight like a girl." She flopped down, cuddling her dog. "At least you've never been like that, Conor. You're a good boy." He barked and lapped her, making her happier. "Thank you, baby."

"Most guys would've beaten them for you," Clint said.

"He's in a chair, Clint. He can't really hit really hard."

"That sucks. Can I go hit 'em for you?" he asked.

She smiled at him. "I'm pretty sure their new roomies in Rikers will have that fun first. I have to find out what else they run so I don't have to step in there because I think the local bagel shop is their relations."

"That'd suck," he agreed. He patted the seat next to him. She got up and moved to sit next to him so she could cuddle up to his side. "It'll be okay. Rabid idiots like those thankfully aren't breeding as fast as others."

"Some are."

"Yeah but they're in the Midwest. We can give parts of it back to Mexico since they owned it originally. We might even give them interest by a few extra states." She looked up at him. "We'd let the others do a land switch if they didn't want to be given back. The sort that want to live with them would gladly switch out lands."

"That's kinda warped but I love it. Can we give them Oklahoma too?"

"Yeah, I think that'd be great. Into parts of Arkansas or Kansas actually." She laughed, hugging him around the chest. He grinned at her and petted the dog. "You make her very happy, Conor." He settled in their laps to be petted. He was young, fluffy, and cute so he got more petting than the other dogs. "And greedy." She took him back to pet him. He grinned. "You're so stressed."

"Yeah. But it happens."

"How many more shoots do you have to do as a pin up?"

"I kinda like it. It's not smarmy in the least." She looked up at him. "And I look hot."

"You looked super hot," he agreed. "Though airbrushed since you had less waist."

"Skin colored foundation garments for under gowns, Clint."

"Ah." He patted her on the arm, letting her cuddle for now. "Katie?"

"Didn't see her."

"We'll figure it out. What did they want?"

"They gave me a letter for Bucky about others in the same sort of program."

"That totally sucks and he showed it to Steve at the pizza place. So maybe we can rescue them."

"He wasn't so sure that was a good idea," she said quietly.

"It may not be but we'll have to see." She nodded. He let her snuggle in. Kate came in huffy but got his other side with her dog. Lucky ran out to bark at her and Cutey, getting petted too. He took his usual human's lap and snuggled in, though he had dragged that nightie out with him on his tail. Clint looked at the red flimsy thing then took it off his dog and tossed it behind him. "It won't fit you, Lucky. You don't have boobs."

Kate snorted but hugged Clint too. "I hate people."

"I get that," he agreed. "Sometimes people suck."

"Bad date?" Darcy asked. "I got attacked by fundamentalists who think I besmirched their idol by denying him my ass."

Kate looked at her then shook her head. "No, I had lawyers for dinner."

"Are they tasty?" she asked. "I'd ask Brian but he might overshare."

"They nag. Which sucks. Apparently my father had a clause in his will that I wasn't to have kids before college ended. I had to point out twice that the wedding was a fake one and some agent had set it up. They finally took the intel sheets we got and groaned but I told them your lawyer and Stark's law team were working on it. They're calling them tomorrow."

"That could help. We might have to get forceful. Some people will agree it's a good idea to keep you out of spandex."

Clint shook his head. "No, I'd let my wife be on my team so I could make sure she was all right instead of sneaking off."

Kate gave him a squeeze around the middle. "Thanks."

"Welcome, kids." They all got happy with the dogs and Darcy changed the channel to something more boring but funnier. Kate took the remote to change it to something just plain funny and Clint didn't get in that argument. It wasn't his tv so not his remote.


Darcy and the others are let into the courtroom for their first hearing on the fake weddings. They're taking up most of the audience area in the courtroom. The agents who had done this stupid idea were on the prosecutor's side of the courtroom with a few supervisors glaring at them. The law team took up all the remaining seats and a few were standing by the table, with one on his walker's seat. The judge walked in and everyone stood. He looked at the group then sighed. "I have seen the petition," he said. "So let's get this started."

"Your Honor, the US thinks that this idea is good for the stability of the country, especially those who go out to fight. They could use the support and understanding people in their lives. It's psychologically been proven so by a few studies. It might lead to less self-destructive, or plainly destructive, behavior."

The judge looked at them then at the other side. "I'm guessing he's done since he sat down. Your turn? And who's in the lead?"

"I am," Brian said with a smile. "I'm Brian Dandiwist, Your Honor. I represent one of the parties involved in this farce." The judge made 'get on with it' hand motions. "We have a few complaints about this plot. One, the people in question did not participate or agree to the marriages. They have also abridged the self will of our clients, most of whom were dating others of their own free will. Third, it's made someone a polygamist and a child molester against his will."

The judge blinked. "There's a what?"

"One of the marriages in question is between an older man, who is early forties, and a seventeen-year-old young woman, Your Honor," he said. "He's also not fully divorced because his ex-wife hasn't signed the papers in three years so they'd have to start the divorce proceedings over."

"That's bad," he decided. "The others?"

"Are very mad, Your Honor. Most of them were dating someone of their own choosing. The government isn't a parent to arrange a marriage and even if we were a society that believed in arranged marriages, they have no legal reason to do so. Psychologically speaking or not, forcing people into a marriage they hate isn't going to make them any more well adjusted or make them any less able to get into spandex to go fight things that tear up this city and other places. It might actually make a few of them snap and go all the way to villains however. Do we really want to provoke that?"

"Your Honor," the other side said, standing up. "I object. They're heros, they'd never do that."

"You'd better hope my client doesn't ever learn engineering," he said smugly. "She's already turning evil thanks to the stupid going on with someone else." He looked at the judge. "Also, Your Honor, this has complicated some things like a few estates. Mr. Stark's family's wills state he is not to marry anyone he hasn't known for more than six months. He's barely met the one they tried to marry him off to. Another one got fired because she was unwillingly put into an interracial marriage and the people she worked with got peeved at that fact. Thankfully she's found another job with some friends. Who were also involved in this mess they made."

"Your Honor, I still object. We did not do that. There's no interracial marriages."

"Bull," America called. "I'm Hispanic. Steve Rogers is a good white boy. Sam's still a black guy, and a great one that helps the community a lot. His newly made wife who he just met two weeks ago at a meeting about this plot isn't. Though she does help the community."

"Were you the one that got fired?" the judge asked. She nodded. "Oh. I see. From what sort of job?"


"I see." He made notes, looking at the mass of lawyers. "Was that all your statement?"

"No, Your Honor, we're also adding to the suit for the price of lost wages, pain and suffering since most of them need counseling now, and also making it known they're not suing the *agency*, just the agents who did it." He handed that over with a smug look at the other side. "That will be filed later today."

The judge looked it over, wincing. "That's astronomical."

"Yes but they deserve it for trying to restart slavery, Your Honor. They don't own the people they tried to force together. Since part of their stated plan was to breed them to get later, more complacent, heros," he said, handing that over. "Gotten from someone in another agency, Your Honor. She asked nicely since her boyfriend was suddenly taken from her."

He read it over, grimacing. "That's stupid," he told the other side. He looked at Brian. "Is that all?"

"No, Your Honor. We have three other suits that need to be added on due to a few problems. One's from former Agent Clint Barton for his reputation being ruined for now being a polygamist and a child molester." He handed it over. "One's from Sam Wilson, due to his now suspended job status with the VA as a counselor." He handed that over. "And the third was for loss of stock prices thanks to this messing with Stark International." He handed that over with a grimace. "Mr. Stark is very upset."

"Thankfully the one they put me with is over eighteen," Stark said dryly. "Otherwise I would've already destroyed them for it. Let's face it, I can go evil if I need to."

Darcy poked him on the arm. "That's my job, Tony." She smiled sweetly at him. Even Pepper shuddered at that.

The judge looked at her. "Are you usually in spandex?"

"No. I'm the one that they married Sam Wilson off to." She pointed at Sam. "I've just met him and he seems nice but I'm not marrying anyone and if I'm forced to divorce him for this I'll help him sue them further."

"Who are you, Miss?" the judge asked.

"Darcy DeCriths." The judge blinked, looking alarmed. "I've already heard that the other case is laughing about this, Your Honor. I'm going to add onto mine for added aggravation for that problem as well." She glared at the agents, one of whom backed away from her. She smiled at the judge again. "I keep being told I'm not supposed to be going evil. It's almost imperative right now that I react though."

The judge cleared his throat. "I'm sure it would be."

"Also," she said. "We've found out that they tried to mess in the royal lineage of another realm. They tried to marry Thor off to someone beyond his wife. His *legal* wife he married in the Catskills a few years back."

The judge winced. "So two polygamists?"

"And he's the present King of Asgard, Your Honor," Stark agreed smugly. "So they're messing in that realm and just made a huge diplomatic problem. The two diplomats we have from them have been having fits with the State Department over this insult to their people and their king. They might not like he married a human but this is beyond stupid of them."

The judge sighed. "That's another huge problem." He looked at the agents. "Did you have their permission?"

"We didn't think they'd mind. They do serve humanity."

"I do it by tutoring, not on my back," Darcy said dryly. "I'm busy being evil against the other ones who think I should go onto my back for the world they want. Are you next?"

"Miss DeCriths, please calm down."

"No. I've got enough problems with HYDRA trying to breed me, Your Honor."

"Oh, you're her. All right." He looked at them. "Were any of those marriages performed by someone who can testify that the parties were there and involved?"

"We had them done legally through a federal judge."

"Since when is there a law that states you can marry people off?" another of the lawyers asked. "Outside of one very vague older one in the slave laws."

"Because of the Accords..." another agent started.

"Those were tossed out," the judge said firmly. "That has been all over the news. Mostly due to political pressure."

"It was another attempt to enslave our heros, Your Honor," one of the Stark law team said. "It would have conscripted them and imprisoned any who did not agree. It would have forced them to fight for things they didn't believe in. That is slavery. As is this attempt on their free wills. They *could* quit protecting places like this city and Washington if they so chose."

"I can see how it can be interpreted that way," the judge agreed. He looked at the agents. "Are they still employed?"

"Their hearings are next week, Your Honor," the supervisor said with a grimace. "I've already removed them from my office. This is their new supervisor. He's used to screw ups of this magnitude." He pointed at him.

The judge looked at him. "Are they suspended or fully employed?"

"They're presently on desk suspension while we work through all the legal mess they made, Your Honor."

"Is your agency going along with this?"

"We're being forced to. It's not in our best interests to have this go on." He looked at Darcy. "You could have someone else's child."

"Yes, because I want them to be kidnaped by HYDRA with me so HYDRA can breed me then them later on when they're old enough," she said coldly. "I will take that kid up on his bomb offer and go after them if I have to since *your* people haven't helped any." He flinched back. "*Your* agency apparently has a whole lot of free time on their hands. These ones prove it grandly since they had the free time to think up and implement this plan. How many others are there and are *they* HYDRA as well as you?"

"I am not," he ground out.

"Prove it," she snorted. He glared and stomped over to hit her so she kicked him back. He yelped as her heels cut him. "You guys really love it when women wear stiletto heels. How's that workin' out for ya?" she asked dryly.

"Enough," the judge ordered. "Though I believe she's right, that is assault in my courtroom, Miss DeCriths and I will find you in contempt."

She pulled out her checkbook, making out a check. "Do I make it out to the US Federal Court system or someone else?" she asked. He blinked, gaping in awe at her. She looked at the bailiff, who nodded. She signed it and handed it over. "Let me know if it's more than that. I'll write a second one." He put it in front of the judge. She tucked her checkbook back into her purse while he moaned about it.

"Miss DeCriths, perhaps they put you with a counselor so you can get help?" the judge asked.

"Perhaps they put her with a counselor since she does work with underprivileged teens to help them get their GED's," Sam said firmly. "We're both social do gooder sorts."

"I see. That's fine. That's a good fine payment, Miss DeCriths. Thank you. Is it going to go through?"

She looked at Brian, who nodded. "Her checking account worked this morning when she used it for breakfast, Your Honor. We had to go over the other lawsuit's attempt at stupidness."

"I see." He handed it to the bailiff. "Put that in." He nodded, doing that. He looked at the glaring supervisors. "I agree, from what the press has said, your agency has not helped a single time against HYDRA or anyone of theirs having ideas."

"We're not set up to deal with those freaks!" one of the agents complained.

"Terrorists are *your* jobs," Steve said patiently. "I just have to step in sometimes since no one else is." Darcy leaned forward to pat his shoulder. "Thanks, Darcy."

"You're a good man, Steve. More should be like you." She sat back again.

The judge nodded. "That is true. They are the FBI. That is their job." He glared at them. "Not making up fake marriages." He looked over the information they had handed in. "I find no legal reason allowing them to marry off people against their wills. It's definitely a civil rights violation if nothing else." He looked at the agents then at the law team. "I find in favor of the defendants. I hope you can get things cleared up so we don't need this lawsuit against the agents."

"What's in the press will never fully go away, Your Honor," Kate said simply. "Like being on the internet." He slumped but nodded. "Though we will note this." She glared at the agents. "A lot. I need to learn how to work with political parties anyway so I'm an educated voter." The agents and supervisors all stomped off. She stood up. "Let's go kick them down the courthouse steps before they blame us for having self will." She walked out, followed by Darcy and Pepper, then Clint. There was no way he was letting those three firecrackers out alone.

Kate walked out, putting on her sunglasses. "People," she said. "The judge ruled that they're in violation of civil rights laws. Including the one saying that the government can't own people. Which is the only way that they could marry us off against our will and without our permission."

"Especially since with their wanted marriages they tried to force, it created a few problems for two members, as reported in the press repeatedly," Darcy agreed casually. "He's never touched her. I doubt he would since he's like her big brother."

The reporters ran away from the agents to them to shout questions at them.

Pepper held up a hand, getting quiet. "I'll be making the mass statement in a moment, people. Let the officious oafs leave first so they can be fired in private."

Someone shot at them and Darcy tackled Pepper to get her down out the way. Clint and Kate moved to pull weapons and handle it as the others came out.

"Got 'em," Clint said firmly. "One sniper down."

Steve stomped out, touching his earpiece Sharon had handed him. "Agents are responding. Pepper, you good?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. A bit bruised from the marble steps but I only banged my head a tiny bit when Darcy moved me."

"I got practice with Jane when we were nearly taken out the first time," Darcy quipped, being helped up by Stark, who helped up Pepper to check her over. Darcy smiled. "That's what marriages are supposed to look like, people. That level of caring. Not this bullshit that they tried to force on us against our wills." She walked around Kate. "Let me know if they were aiming for me, people. I'm about to force myself to break out in evil plots."

"Darcy," Clint called. "With the group." She came back. "Too dangerous to have you go home by yourself." She nodded and they left together in a few bulletproof limos thanks to Stark. He tipped his head back once they were all safely inside. "They could've had a backup, Darcy," he said quietly, staring at her.

"Not every bad thing comes for me, Clint. It's possible they were aiming at you or Pepper or Stark."

"It's possible it was some of my father's former friends aiming at me," Kate agreed quietly. "Nice tackle."

"Thanks." She grinned.

Clint stared at her. "Next time, stand behind me or whoever. Leave when the rest of us do or when someone moves you, or you're going to a concealed spot, and don't mouth off afterwards?"

She nodded. "Fine."

"Thank you." He looked at Pepper, who was having a glass of wine. "You good for real?"

"I bumped my head but I'm fine, Clint. Thank you, Darcy."

"Welcome, Pepper. I hope I didn't bruise you too much."

She smiled. "Tony will kiss them better later."

Darcy grinned. "Which is what boyfriends are for."

"Yes it is. We're having lunch if you want to join us."

"Nah. I'm not on the team, Pepper. I'm going to go home to bake and walk with my dog."

"No, stay," Kate ordered.

"Kate, I'm not on the teams. I shouldn't be at team events anymore since I don't work in the labs. I'm a friend of theirs, not an option for team events." She patted her on the hand. "Which is fine with me. I never wanted to be the lady in spandex. Or else I would've worked out a whole lot harder when I was your age." Kate snorted but gave her a look. "Really."

Pepper sighed. "It's a victory lunch, Darcy. It's fine."

"It's not my place, Pepper. Besides, I have to go help ruin those agents by putting this up on social media."

"That's my job," Pepper said smugly.

"Yes, but I belong to a few different social media sites for progressives." She smiled sweetly. "I'm sorry so many of them nag you about Tony."

"They are quite heard all over," Pepper agreed. "You can do that from the office."

"I can do it at home in jammies with my dog trying to get my coffee too." She smiled.

"Point. Fine. You can cab from the tower."

"I can do that."

"Did Lucky get out again?" Clint asked her.

She pulled out her phone to look at her security system. "He's barking from the fire escape on your building and Conor's in my window barking back with Cutey."

Clint shook his head with a sigh. "I've got to figure out how he's doing that."

Darcy held up a hand and let him see the feed. "Cutey figured out the window lock is a pat until it opens one."

He watched and groaned. "That dog's super smart. Conor nudged the window until it tilted for him. Yup, there's Lucky to come play." He handed the phone back with a sigh. "We've got to put another lock on there anyway."

"If it's opened from the inside the shock system won't go off," she said. "But I'm wondering how the mob guy got past it to leave me trashy nighties."

Clint considered it. "I don't know. We'll look at it later." She nodded.

"We do joke that Lucky and Cutey are the furry version of you and Natasha," Kate quipped. "With Conor being like Steve." Darcy grinned.

"He might be the kid between Steve and Tony. He's figured out the fridge lock already," Clint complained. "I had to replace the slide lock with a chain one."

"No, he got that one last night. I came out this morning to find him eating whipped cream. Thankfully he hasn't eaten another sock or a pie. He learned when the medicines made him feel nasty."

"I'm so glad Cutey doesn't chew on things," Kate sighed, shaking her head.

"Definitely," Clint agreed. "I'd never get arrows if Lucky chewed on them."

Pepper smiled at them. "You can see into Darcy's apartment, Clint?"

"Yeah, she's in the next building. My living room looks into her bedroom. The empty one that they had to use to get the bathroom shot of Kate bandaging that injury for you just got rented too," he told them. Both ladies smiled at him.

"I'm about to suggest those punks get taken in as trainees," Darcy said dryly. "They tried again this morning until I kicked one from the stairs. He tripped totally over that fire hydrant and swore at me in Spanish until I made 'talking' hand motions and snorted at his big boy tantrum. Then one of the Bro dudes showed up and he ran like they were going to use that hydrant for him to sit on as practice."

Kate burst out giggling. "I can see them doing that. They're very protective of their neighborhoods."

"It's nice. No one bothers me there," Darcy said dryly. "They all wait until I'm out and about." She leaned against the door, putting her head on the glass with a yawn. "It's already been too long of a day."

Kate yawned. "Stop it, those are contagious."

Clint reached around Darcy to open the window, which didn't. He was tired suddenly too. "No, I don't think that's why." Kate pulled a baton out and broke a window. They all felt better. When they got to the tower, Stark was waiting to have the driver arrested while he helped them out.

Pepper smiled at Tony as he helped her out. "Kate had to break a window because we were all suddenly tired, Tony."

"That's great of her. Thanks, kitten."

"Stark, no pet names," Kate complained. "I'm not your mistress." She helped Darcy out, walking her out to get her a cab. The driver stared at them. Kate smiled. "Can you make sure she gets home?"

Darcy blinked then backed up. "Not him." He sped off in a peel of tires. "Fuck."

"Um," Kate said, looking at the cab then at her. "Why not him?"

"He was one of the bad guys," Clint called. "So you're staying for lunch anyway, right, Darcy?"

"Clint, I wanted to get home and get into jammies."

"Yay. It's not safe." He walked her back inside. "You can be my date."

She elbowed him hard, making him grunt. "We're not dating. I require wooing and you haven't gotten any sort of woo on, even making me coffee."


Stark stared at her. "Do you hate us that much, Lewis?"

"It's a team event! I'm not on the teams, Tony."

"So! It's a yay we won party. You won too." He pointed at the elevator. "Go. We even have SHIELD agents fuming upstairs."

"Great," she muttered. Clint and Kate led her up there. She came out into the back of a ranting SHIELD agent. "Wow, I thought the big boy tantrum the punk in my neighborhood threw this morning was impressive," she said snidely. "Yours, so much more drama llama than his."

The agent glared at her. "Miss Lewis," he sneered. "We wanted to talk to you." She pulled her tazer and hit him with it, making him scream. "How dare you!"

"I hate being threatened," she sneered. "I won't be threatened by you. I'd fucking well move, dude. Now. Before I throw you off the balcony."

He got up. "You can't do that."

"The hell I can't." Stark and the others came off the next elevator, while she was hauling him outside by his balls. He was screaming and crying.

Kate looked at Clint. "Are we that sort of good guys?" she sighed.

"No. Steve, he sneered about how he wanted to talk to Darcy so she got him then he threatened her so she's going to throw him off the balcony. I don't think she'll be able to lift him though."

Steve went to get the guy from Darcy to talk to him. Then Steve nearly threw him off the balcony for wanting to arrest her for helping Bucky.

Stark walked out there. "The only one who gets to throw people off my balcony is me, people."

"He wanted to arrest me for helping Bucky," Darcy said with a smile. "Can I zap him again at least?"

"I'd rather you didn't," Coulson said as he came off the elevator. "Miss Lewis, please leave my agent living."

She smiled at him. "Fuck. No. Thank you anyway." She smiled again.

He blinked at her. Okay, this was clearly more serious than an idiot agent problem. "Let's see what his malfunction was. Is he HYDRA, Captain?"

"Not that I'm aware of. He wants to arrest her for helping Bucky." He smirked at the director. "Do you want him back?"

Coulson considered it. "It'll cost some to court marshal him but it would be worth it for the example he'll put up." He called up agents, who came to get that one and arrest him so they could walk him off. He looked at Darcy. "Could you have lifted him?"

"After I hurt him enough he wasn't fighting back."

"He outweighed you. That'd take leverage and you can't do that in those heels," Steve said, walking her back inside. "Until we build an anti-agent catapult."

"They're not that hard to build," Stark told him. "Bruce could probably do it even though he's not an engineer."

"If those guys do it to throw pumpkins it can't be all that hard," Darcy agreed with a smile for Steve.

"They do what?" he asked. She called up past videos of it on youtube so he could see it. "Huh."

"Not held the last few years, there's been a pumpkin shortage," Stark told him. He walked Darcy to the table. "This way you're protected."

"I've got a few more zaps left on the tazer," she said. "Then I'll need to recharge it."

He patted her on the head like a kid. "We've got better weapons." Natasha came up to join them. She hadn't been to the courthouse in case something happened and she had to bust in to rescue them. "Who were they aiming for?"

"Trajectory said Clint," she said blandly. She looked at Darcy. "Nice tackle."

"Thank you. I learned it beating off a wrestler who wanted to grope my boobs."

Clint patted her on the back with a smirk. "That last college of yours was mean, Darcy."

"Hell no, that was at Culver."

Bruce burst out laughing. "The wrestling team was busted for steroid abuse many times," he agreed, going to the kitchen. "Anyone want a drink?"

"Make some coffee please?" Clint called. "Most of us want that all day, Bruce."

"Of course. It's already started," he agreed. He came out with bottles of water, handing Darcy and Pepper ones with a smile. "We're out of tea."

"I'll order some in a bit," Pepper promised.

"Thanks, Bruce." Darcy opened it to sip, looking at the label. "Did he rebottle unfiltered?"

Pepper sipped and grimaced. "It tastes like city water." She took it to go look in the fridge. "This really isn't spring water."

Coulson took it to look at and sniff. "Smells like chemicals." Bruce took it to run in the lab while the rest of them settled in to talk and get ready for lunch. Coulson made sure the catered food was tested before it was brought up. He didn't want the team drugged, just sane. Those drugs probably wouldn't do that so they were bad drugs.


Darcy made it home to find the dogs had all crapped in the bathroom but it was nice they had tried to cover it up with the bath rug. She grabbed leashes, she always had a few spare just in case someone like Kate forgot hers again, and took them out to crap in the appropriate places. They happily peed on things all the way to the park and most of the way back too. Clint came over after getting changed and they met him carrying down the trash. "Bathroom?" she guessed.

"Yup. Sorry. I'll buy you a new bath mat."

"Thanks." She let him have the dogs so they could run him up the stairs instead of her. Her feet hurt. She followed, humming happily. She could finish cleaning up that mess once she changed. She found Kate doing it and hugged her. "Thanks. I'm getting naked for a few minutes."

"Not like I haven't seen breasts, Darcy," she said dryly.

"I've seen hers and they're fantastic and all but it's fine," Clint quipped, taking the dogs back to the living room. "Barnes," he bellowed without opening the window. He came in and the dogs pounced him. "Sorry it took so long. We had lunch."

"It's fine. I didn't expect anything." Clint pointed at the take out container. He smiled and got it to eat. The dogs barely begged, Cutey tried laying across his lap belly up while pouting at him, but he ignored them. He was good at ignoring pouting dogs. Someone knocked. "Do we know them?" he asked, putting his fork down and closing the box.

Clint looked out then nodded. "It's Sam Wilson and Stark." Darcy shut her bedroom door, making Clint grin. He opened the apartment door, letting them in. "The dogs are friendly. Lucky, this is Sam. He flies." Lucky came over to sniff them and when he woofed pleasantly the others came over to sniff and woof at them, and try to lap Tony since Lucky was.

Tony put the dog back onto the floor. "Easy. I don't want Pepper to have to give me a bath when I get home." He checked the hall then closed the door. Steve knocked a minute later and got let in. "So we're all here. Lewis, did you take a nap?" he called.

"I'm cleaning the cut on her side," Kate called. "I just saw it when she was getting changed."

"I'm sending you to medical school," Stark called back, looking at Clint, who shrugged.

Darcy and Kate came out, Darcy straightening out the t-shirt she had just pulled on. "Park. Lucky pulled me into that ugly statue. Again."

Clint shook his head. "Sorry."

"It's okay. Apparently that statue's his bitch with the way he was trying to hump it." She flopped down. "Eat, James. Don't make me nag. It's underused and might be rusty but the judge decided I should have kids soon so I'll have to practice moming you

Tony looked at her. "Are you still disgruntled."

"I yelled at her for getting hurt again," Kate admitted. "It's the third time this month."

"Those were not my fault, Kate."

"Punks with an air rifle aren't her fault," Clint agreed. "Or the other one." She nodded. "Are you tutoring tonight?"

"Yeah, I'll show up and be there if anyone shows up, or an hour if not." She looked at him. "Why are you still standing?"

"No seats." She pointed at the empty-of-humans one. He moved Lucky and Conor, making them groan but hop into his lap to nap on him instead. "Fine." He petted them both. At least until someone broke a window in the kitchen and then he hopped up with the dogs going with him to see what happened.

"Conor, away from the broken stuff," she called. "You can bark from farther away. You too, Lucky. No broken glass for dogs." They backed up.

Clint looked down then at her. "Are you a dog whisperer? If not, how did you do that?" He pointed at the patiently waiting to bark dogs.

"Training," she said with a smirk. "Who is it this time?"

"Don't know. They just threw a rock," Clint said. He picked it up. "No note at least." He looked out there and threw it back, hitting the little punk who was getting ready to throw another one. "Make me get my damn bow and come down there, boys," he called. They ran off and one of the mob guys ran his car into them. "Well, I don't think we'll have a huge problem anymore."

Darcy came over to look out the window, sitting on the window sill. "They broke my window," she called. "With a rock because they're cheesy little boys. Can't you teach them better?"

The guys smiled up at her and waved. "Of course we can."

She smiled. "They seem like they have too much free time. Want one of my GED study manual systems for them?"

"Maybe next week. When they learn to respect some crazy people like you, Cookie Lady," he called with a wave.

She laughed. "My name's Darcy."

"That's sweet. Go back inside so the dogs don't help." She rolled her eyes but got helped over the glass by Clint, taking the dogs with her.

Clint looked down there. "They're annoying. Do something about before she has to become creative."

"We've got it, Bro," they called.

"Thanks." He pulled the curtains and Kate handed him the broom. "Why am I cleaning? I cleaned earlier and this isn't a mess my dog did."

Darcy got on slippers so she could come clean it up. "Make sure there's no glass in anything near it," she ordered. They looked in various pots, pans, and in the stove's burners. No glass so that was good. She cleaned it up and used her swiffer mop to make sure there weren't any tiny pieces to catch in paws either. Then she came back to flop down.

Stark looked at her then at Clint. "Many problems?" he quipped.

"Not really."

"You could come back to the tower."

Darcy looked at him. "Outside of them buying me lingerie that doesn't fit and I'd look trashy in, it's actually pretty safe here," she said.

Steve looked at her. "That doesn't worry you?"

"Yes and I told them to stop it again earlier. I'm going to have to give it to Lucky since he likes it so much."

Steve blinked then nodded slowly. "Sure. I'm sure Clint can give it to a girlfriend or something."

"No, Lucky thinks it's soft so he naps on it," Clint said. "Once it gets dog fur it's not ever going to get unfurred."

Darcy nodded. "I found that out about a few of my skirts Conor napped on after I took them off."

"That's so weird," Stark muttered.

"Life with dogs," Darcy quipped.

Bucky shook his head but finished with his food, tossing out the container and putting the fork into the sink since he wasn't sure if the dishwasher was full of clean or dirty dishes.

"It's all dirty and waiting, Bucky," Darcy called. He put his fork in there and got a drink, coming back out. The dogs followed him into the kitchen and back out to sit on him now that he was done eating. Darcy smiled, taking a picture. Steve took one too with a grin. Bucky glared at him. "You're adorable as a pet parent. That's why you should look at a companion animal."

"Maybe," he grunted.

"I work with the people who help train them," Sam offered. "I can introduce you."

"He's got to manage housing first," Steve told him. "He's been protecting Darcy and Clint from the roof."

"I have a tiny hole," he admitted. "Nothing great."

Clint pointed behind him. "Two buildings up and across the street so relatively good sight lines. Sixth floor has one open on the street side. It's a grand a month but it's a full one bedroom with a nook for a desk."

Bucky considered it. "That's cheaper than my hole in the wall."

"Breda, the girlfriend of that purple wearing mob guy, owns it," Clint told him. Bucky nodded he'd talk to her tomorrow. Darcy smiled at him. "We did good finding you one."

"Now I need one," Kate reminded him.

"Downstairs, second floor," Darcy said with a point. "One bedroom, tiny but not too tiny. Decent enough kitchen."

"Yeah, that might be nice," she decided. "Or I'm looking at a loft space in SoHo."

Clint looked at her. "I didn't think you were that trendy, Kate."

"I'm not but it's cheap to buy. With an option for the building so I can become a landlord and make more money."

"You have to be eighteen, even emancipated," Stark told her. "I had that problem when my parents died, Kate."

"Crap. So I'll look downstairs and consider that one for a later option. The house is officially listed as of tomorrow."

"Are you in grief counseling?" Sam asked her gently.

"No, I'm in hitting a heavy bag counseling," she admitted. "It works better than crying on anyone but Darcy sometimes. Who will feed my future addiction to brownies whenever I'm sobbing over stuff."

Sam smiled. "I get that, Kate."


"Not everyone does good with talking about stuff. They tend to talk around stuff like Stark does or just pound it out like you're doing." He looked at Darcy.

"No, I had a few meetings with the liquor and the ice cream fairies but I also had exams. I wasn't about to flunk out of college. Someone would've come back from the dead to kick my ass if I had flunked out."

"I can see how a goal motivates," Kate agreed. "I need to graduate high school."

"You need a lot more than that," Stark quipped. "College."

"Columbia," she said with a point behind her. Then she smiled. "Already enrolled for my freshman semester."

"Good. Engineering?" he asked hopefully.

"Not sure yet."

"Medical school," Steve suggested.

"Eww, insides, to quote." She grinned. "They're nasty in there."

"True," Stark agreed. "That's why I didn't go into medicine. Though I have people that work on medical tech stuff."

Kate shifted to look at him. "Usually I'm called Clint and his ex-wife's kid," she said dryly. "Instead of his and yours, Stark." Stark smirked at her. Clint was groaning again. That's why Cutey got up to lap him until he cuddled her. Kate grinned at her dog. "I taught her that."

"Did you teach her not to do that with other groans?" Darcy asked. "I had to teach Conor not to come up to check on me groaning sometimes."

She blinked. "I hadn't even thought about that. Me groaning in pleasure would wake them up to mommy protect, huh?"

Clint looked at her, nodding quickly. "I've looked down a few times to find a confused muzzle staring from the foot of the bed. Freaked out a few dates too."

Darcy laughed. "Conor hasn't had that training yet but I'd close the door on him anyway."

Kate shook her head. "That's sad, Darcy. You're in your prime. You should be out having fun."

"You're in your prime, Kate. I'm approaching thirty in a few more years. I get the club whores sneering at me now because I'm old."

"They're only in it for the sperm count," she shot back sarcastically. "Who cares if they're able to think, Darcy. We should go club."

"We can go again. I promise we can." She looked at the clock above the tv. "I've got to hit the library soon so maybe afterward?"

"Sure. Go get less dressed down." Darcy went to dress in jeans and a t-shirt, plus scarves and a jacket. Conor lifted his head to bark at his mistress. "She's going to the library, Conor. You know you can't go." He whined so his human petted him before leaving for a few hours. Kate patted her lap, letting Conor hop up onto her. Of course, Cutey followed and huffed at him being in her spot. Conor lapped her and let her curl up against his warm belly fur instead. Kate petted them both.

Clint smiled. "You're good with her, Kate."

"Thanks. She's my first real pet." She shrugged a bit. "I'm taking tips though."

"Ask when you need some," he said dryly. "If I can't figure it out, Darce probably can."

"Probably." Darcy got shoved back into the apartment and the mob guy slammed the door shut. "They don't like you tutoring?"

She sighed. "Douchebros outside having a meeting on the front step." She climbed out the window to the fire escape and hopped over to Clint's building's fire escape so she could go that way instead. She shook her head as she headed for her car. "Some of us have things to do tonight," she said dryly when they glared at her. "If you don't like me being here, get off my stoop. Before I buy the building and invite hipsters." They quit glaring. They had seen hipsters and that wasn't good for their area of the city.

Clint leaned out the door a few minutes later. "Guys, she has tutoring tonight," he said patiently. They glared at him too. "Watch me go find weapons." They fled. "Use a different stoop, and have Breda sit outside tomorrow. I know someone who might want that apartment."

"Anyone good?" one of the local boys asked, looking disturbed.

"Bucky." He pointed at the roof with a grin.

"Oh, the one armed scary guy. Yeah, he'd protect the area. Him, you, Cookie Lady, and the little you." He walked off shaking his head.

"Cookie lady?" one of the other guys asked him.

"That one that just walked past with the tazer? She makes cookies for thank you presents."

"Huh. That's gotta be nice," he said. "She must really appreciate it."

"All but the trashy nighties that keep getting left for her," Clint called. "She's given them to Lucky since they won't fit her and she's not dating. She only wears stuff like that for the ones she's dating." He went back inside.

"Pity," one of the younger guys sighed. "I would've liked to have seen that on her."

"Wouldn't fit her anyway," another one said. "She's stacked under those bulky sweaters and scarves." They all nodded and sighed. "I want to see her in that redhead's catsuit some day." His buddies elbowed him but he grinned. "You can't tell me it wouldn't be great."

"She said she's doing some pinup work," another one said. "Not sure why but I bet she looks hot." They looked those up on their phones. One found a few and shared it with the others. They all could appreciate that.


Clint got a text that night from someone unknown. It was 'come outside to get this'. So he put on shoes and went outside with the dog following behind him. A car stopped and someone got out, nodding at him. "What?" Clint demanded. "It's three in the morning."

"We had to raid a club and used knock out gas," the other agent told him. He had been SHIELD, they knew each other. Clint was scowling. "We raided the club because there were a few bigger names in there, Barton. One of them was dancing with your neighbor friend and your protege. Want them?"

"Please." He came down to look at them. "Just the standard gas?"

"Yeah. The fast acting one we came up with and started to use before the battle in DC. Any idea how your neighbor would know this person?" He held up a picture.

He looked. "He took her out a few times when she was in Chicago. I told her who he was and they talked about it but he's nice enough to not want to change the world with genocide and he agreed her charity work was a great thing." The agent gaped in awe at him. "She's sweet and motherly. She bakes, guys." They sighed but nodded. "That's Fosters' former intern Lewis." That got a groan but a nod of understanding. "Kate was dancing with them?"

"We saw her moving away from her other partner to dance with them."

"Was it one of her teammates?"

"It was a slimey wannabe Ogden brother. He's with that whole douche patrol as Lewis once called them."

"Ah, them. Yeah, they like Katie and she hates them back. Any of her teammates there?"

"Not that we noticed," the driver said. "Most of them were just people being happy. We didn't even want that guy, we wanted the warlord in the back. When that guy found out, and was only half gassed thanks to Lewis' scarf, we told him we weren't there for him and he went off on that guy. Apparently they're enemies. He ordered that we remove Lewis and her friend. The supervising handler agreed it was a good idea."

"May?" he guessed.

"Your ex," he said with a smirk.

"Tell her I said hi." He lifted Kate out with a groan. "You've turned into a cat, Kate." He carried her up and came back for Darcy, putting them together in his bed while he napped on the couch. The agents left and Clint got comfortable. The ladies could be confused in the morning. He really needed to talk to Darcy about her dates.


Scott Lang finally made it home and found his ex-wife was asleep. His daughter was making a milkshake in the kitchen. He went in to talk to her. "So," he said. "We should probably have a dad/daughter talk."

She looked up from pouring chocolate sauce into the shaker. "You already told me about boys and sex, Dad."

He stared at her. "Yeah, that's not what we need to talk about. Worked out really hard today?" She blanched, flinching back away from him. "We're going to be having a lot of talks about this, Cassie," he said quietly. "I'm not sure if I'm proud that you want to make a difference this way or if I'm mad you're wanting to take my suit if I fall."

She shrugged some, going back to her milkshake making. "Did Bishop nark?"

"No. She didn't mention you at all when we had a both team meeting. We got into a talk about second gen heros and about how you were in training for something. She winced when someone else mentioned you training." He hugged her. "I understand the urge," he said, staring down at her. "You're too damn young."

"I'm not that little!"

"Even if I fell tomorrow, no one would help you get my suit until you were at least sixteen."

"So I have a few years to train."

He made her look up at him. "That's why we'll be talking, daughter. So you know what it's like. There's plenty of ways to make a difference. This isn't the only one." She grimaced. "If you're still too set on that path, you're going to tell your own mother. I don't want to be hit." She nodded, sighing and hugging him. "I understand it. I really do. But there's plenty of horrible things out there I don't want you to have to see. It's a dad thing. Beyond that, still too young."

"I'm only in track and field training and martial arts, Dad. That way I can beat boys off my fabulous butt."

"Good. That I can approve of. The end goal...I'd rather you be a nurse or a doctor or a social worker. Anything but a hero."

She nodded. "That may matter some day. Right now I'm just doing track and field." She looked up at him.

He kissed her on the forehead. "Okay. I'll accept that lie but you tell your mother."

"She drives me to the gym, Dad."

"I doubt she knows why she drives you to the gym, Cassie."

"Maybe. Mom's pretty darn smart."

"Yeah. And you inherited that." He smiled at her. "Go to bed. It's too late for homework." She sighed but took her shaker of milkshake in the making up there to read in bed with it. Scott made his own and crashed on the couch with a sigh of displeasure. His daughter was stubborn. Maybe he'd introduce her to Darcy's methods so she could become a science intern or something. It might be safer, as long as she didn't work in Stark's pyrotechnic lab. He really had to quit blowing up the labs some day soon.


Darcy woke up and blinked at the head cuddled on her chest, petting it gently. "Kate?" she asked quietly. "What the fuck?" she asked when the girl blinked up at her.

"No offense, but you're not the one I wanted to wake up with this morning," she said dryly. She sat up and they looked around then at themselves. "Somehow we got from the club to Clint's place." Lucky bounded in to lap them both. "Hey! Not had coffee yet, Lucky!"

"No caffeine for six hours after that gas is administered or you'll be vomiting up your toenails," Clint called from somewhere.

"Gas?" Kate and Darcy demanded together.

Clint came to lean in the doorway, sipping his cup of coffee with a smirk. "SHIELD wanted the warlord in the back. They gassed the whole club and found you two there, dancing with a warlord wannabe."

"Who isn't that bad of a guy," Darcy reminded him.

"I told 'em," he promised smugly. "He wasn't passing out and went to beat his nemesis in the back room for them anyway." He took another drink. "It's only been five hours so you've got an hour before coffee time, ladies."

Darcy looked down her top then at Kate, who looked down her own then around. She found Darcy's bra to hand over. "Thanks."

"That was all you two," Clint said, walking off. "But it was probably cute. Thankfully I was on the couch."

"Thank you, Clint," Darcy called. She put on the bra and got up, heading out. She gave him a quick hug. "Let me go shower and take my dog out." She did the short walk of shame this time. The guys outside all stared at her. "SHIELD got me out of a club by knocking us all out," she complained to one. "Clint got me handed to him."

One of them watched her ass walk, head tipping to the side until someone punched him. "Quit staring at her ass," Bucky ordered. "Darcy, you okay?" he called with a smirk.

She flipped him off with an evil grimace. "Not yet. I can't have coffee for an hour." She trudged up the stairs to get her dog, who was barking before she got to the door. She stared at the guy on her rug, then up at the ceiling. She sighed. "Go get Bucky," she ordered with a point. "He's outside." Conor ran off to find his petting buddy, who carried him back with a sigh. She pointed. He looked then groaned. "I have no clue. I woke up on Clint's bed with Kate cuddling me."

Bucky walked over to look at the guy, nudging him with a boot toe. The guy moaned. "He probably needs a paramedic."

"I'm going to shower. If they pick him up, great. If not, we can throw him out the window later." She went into the bathroom with a sigh. Conor followed to get his rightful petting. She hadn't gotten to pet him enough last night. He even followed her into her shower so he got a bath and petting.

Bucky looked that way then called it in. "Steve, one of the SHIELD agents that brought Darcy back last night fell through her roof. Yeah, that's what I said. No, alive but groaning. Thanks." He hung up with a grimace. "Should I tell you that you've disappointed Captain America? We all hate that disappointed look he gives us, kid."

Clint walked in. "I saw him fall about four. Lucky started to bark about him being up on the roof so I got up to look."

"That's good to know. Were they cute?" Clint showed off photos. "Aww."

"Kate got Darcy's bra off somehow," he said quietly.

"Huh. Must've been nice then."

"No, nothing happened."

"Kate's got skills then." The paramedics rushed up. "He fell through the ceiling." He pointed up.

"Are you the person who lives here?" Bucky pointed at the shower. "Did she see him fall?"

"He fell about four," Clint said. "My dog was barking at him being on the roof so I got up to look. He's a SHIELD agent."

"All right." They checked him over and took him off while an officer took a statement. Darcy came out in a pair of sweats and a sports bra, making Bucky look away before he stared.

Clint looked at her. "Will that work if we make you jog?"

"Only if I get three," she said dryly, wiping the water out of her hair. She sat on the bed with her hair dryer. "C'mon, Conor." He rushed out to get more petting and playing the air game with the mommy. She was neat to him and that blowy machine was great fun.

Clint took film of it, making Darcy shoot him a dirty look but it was cute. He even sent it to Stark. "Stark said you've lost weight. He's going to buy you a nagging assistant like you used to be."

She glared at him. "Why did you share that with Stark?"

"Because it's cute," he said with a smile. "The dog's very cute." She huffed but finished drying her hair and the dog's fur. Then she cuddled him because he pounced. Clint had gotten pictures of that too. Bucky was trying not to smile.

She looked at her dog. "Want me to put on a shirt so we can go to the park?" Conor set up barking and bouncing around the bed. "Okay! Let me up!" He got off her and she grabbed a t-shirt and some sneakers, putting them on while he nudged her back with his nose to make her move. "I know, you're herding me like you would sheep. That's a great thing, baby." She got his leash and they walked off together. Cutey came out from under the couch, proudly carrying her piece of tactical suit she had ripped off the interloper who broke in. She smiled down at her. "That was a great job, Cutey. You got the bad guy." She petted her and got her leashed, taking them both to the park.

Clint looked at the fabric then at Bucky. "Where did she get him?"

"Hopefully on the ass for being so stupid." He walked off with a sigh. "You can tell their bosses."

"May should be here sometime." He locked up Darcy's apartment, taking her keys and phone since she hadn't. He ran into someone he knew outside. "Bobbi," he said quietly. "Darcy, come get your keys and phone," he called.

She came back to get them, smiling at the pretty blonde lady. "Hey. I'm Darcy." She shook her hand. "Let me take mine and Kate's dog to the park. Lucky, come for walkies!" she yelled. The dog ran down the stairs and to them, carrying his leash that Kate had clipped on for him. "Good boy to bring the leash to the Darcy." She walked off with them.

Clint looked at their back then shook his head with a sigh. "She's my puppysitter," he told his ex-wife.

She smiled. "I've seen that." She grinned. "Are you okay?"

"I'm good. Thank your team for bringing them home."

"It's not a problem. We had to get them out of there before someone else tried something stupid."

"Would that be the guy that fell through her roof?"

"Yeah," she admitted with a nod. "It probably was." She looked him over then at the girl coming out of Clint's building. "That's interesting."

"Kate." She came over. "Kate Bishop, this is Bobbi Morse. Mockingbird."

She smiled and shook her hand. "I'm Kate, Clint's protege and the other Hawkeye, though a few have called me Hawkingbird because I use hand weapons as well as a bow."

Bobbi smiled at her. "I've heard that rumor."

Kate smiled at her. "We have to keep shooting back at the 'girl' Hawkeye and 'Hawkguy' stuff too. Are you here to talk to him? I can go find my dog to take for a walk."

"Park, with mine," Clint said dryly with a point. "With Darcy."

"That's sweet of her."

"One of the agents that brought you back fell through her roof."

"Awww, peeping agents," Kate said dryly. "How very kind. I should kick his ass for her." She shook her head, smiling at Bobbi again. "I'll let you two have awkward former lover talking time. I don't need to know how to do that yet since I've only dated for dick." She walked off.

Bobbi blinked then at him. "Yeah, I can see why they think she's our kid," she decided. "And why the FBI thought you two should be together."

Clint grimaced but nodded. "Yeah, that sucked majorly. She hits nearly as hard as you do and it's been a bad year for her."

"That happens, Clint. Are you all right?"

"I'm good. Wanna come up for coffee?" He pointed. "Or sit?"

"I can do that." She followed him to sit and talk to him. They hadn't gotten to talk for a while. She saw the obvious idiot sort staring at them and flipped her hair back, which showed her SHIELD patch on her shoulder. They casually strolled off looking like they had no idea about anything. She looked at him, getting a shrug back. She saw Darcy jogging up the street with the dogs. Clint was following her movements. "Are we perhaps needing those papers signed sooner?"

"Darcy doesn't jog," he said quietly, getting up. Lucky ran over with his piece of bad guy uniform. "Aw, shit. Darcy!" he called. "Which one?"

"AIM or whoever those rad suit wearing idiots are. One of the younger guys in the neighborhood just pounced one for me and nearly got killed by the laser. Kate told me to evacuate the dogs."

"Great. Go get my bow for me." She nodded, jogging up his stairs with the dogs. He patted his dog as he walked past. And Cutey and Conor when they paused. "You guys did good protecting the Darcy human." They ran up after her. She came down without the dogs and with his bow and quiver. "Thanks. You okay?"

"I heard a shout, turned, and found Lucky had pounced one and ripped his suit." She pushed her hair off her forehead. "Kate said she could handle them. No one's called the cops though."

He nodded. "You sit here and talk to Bobbi about last night at the club. Let me handle that."

"I am an agent," Bobbi reminded him, standing up. "I can handle AIM."

"With your luck, they'd want to breed you to Rogers," he said dryly.

"Carter would forgive me for that if it wasn't our doing," she shot back. Kate came jogging their way. "Is that a bad thing?"

"Yup." He opened his bow and knocked an arrow back. "Kate, down," he ordered. She slid down and he shot the one after her. "That's HYDRA. Bucky?" he called. He hopped off the top of Darcy's building on top of a HYDRA guy. Kate and Clint went at them while Bobbi joined in. Darcy looked and got one with a trash can lid when one got near her.

Another one rushed at her from the other side and she kicked him then hit him with the same trash can lid. He batted it aside and she punched him, which made her stumble off the stairs but she kicked him in the nuts and then bit and hit him when he tried to grab her. He went down whining. Bucky shot that one for her, making her smile. Clint looked then at her. "Go upstairs with the dogs," Clint ordered. She ran up the stairs. He saw her heading across the buildings to her safe room and nodded. "Good." He looked at Bucky. "Hey. This is Bobbi Morse. A great SHIELD agent and my ex."

"Ma'am," he said with a nod. "Bishop, you injured?"

"Just when I slid." She dusted herself off, looking at her scraped knees and hands. She shrugged. "I've got neosporin and if I don't, Darcy usually does." One of the idiots got up so she stomped on his head. "Stay down!" He passed out. She huffed, pushing her hair back. "It's too early for this. I haven't even had coffee thanks to that stupid gas." She walked off grimacing.

"Darcy hit her safe room. Check my place," Clint ordered.

"Sure. I'm stealing your coffee."

"That's fine." He looked around. "By now the NYPD should've been here," he muttered.

Morse called it in. "SHIELD agents said they had it," she said with a grimace. "I'm going to yell at someone."

He grinned. "You're turning into Phil."

"I noticed. But I smile more and have better hair." He laughed, giving her a quick hug. "Do we have rope?"

Bucky texted Darcy's phone, getting some thrown out a window. "Yup." He picked it up and brought it back. "Fell in the dumpster though."

"We've seen and smelled worse as SHIELD agents," Bobbi admitted. SUV's showed up and she nodded at her people. "Decided to attack a park. Then the nice people who live here."

They stared and nodded, picking up the idiots. "We'll take them to the jail for evaluation and then questioning, ma'am," one said.

The other agents that showed up tried to butt in but one of the SHIELD agents pointed. "That's our director, go talk to him. They attacked SHIELD people."

"They attacked civilians," Clint admitted. "Former and current SHIELD people just jumped in since we live here." The agent smirked at him. "They're mad about that gas by the way."

"Sorry but safer for everyone. We even got the one out of the ER that fell through her ceiling."

"Why did a SHIELD agent fall through a ceiling?" Phil Coulson asked patiently.

"He fell through Darcy's ceiling," Kate said as she came back, handing over mugs of coffee to Clint and Bobbi. Bobbi gave her an odd look. "I'm learning from Darcy," she quipped. She handed Bucky the bottle of water in her pocket and the power bar. He grunted and nodded, eating them efficiently. Kate sipped her coffee. "So, are these the guys that're trying to knock up Darcy or another group?"

Phil looked. "I don't know yet. We'll find that out in a while and let her know."

Clint looked at Kate. "Your dog bit the falling guy hard enough she got some of his uniform."

"Awww, that's so sweet of my baby. I'll have to reward Cutey later for protecting them that way." She smiled as she sipped. "This would make a kick ass coffee commercial."

Bobbi burst out laughing, nodding some. "Yeah, I can see why they think you're our kid, Kate." She punched her on the arm, getting one back with a wicked grin.

"Is the Cookie Lady all right?" one of the younger mob guys called from the pizza place's doorway.

"She's fine," Clint called. "Safely upstairs." The guy nodded. "With the dogs."

"Good. We'd hate to see her have to tase someone again. She's getting meaner."

"Yeah, those sort won't stop," Clint said with a shrug. "If they would, it'd be nice."

"If we see 'em, Bro, they'll be stopped," another one called from inside the pizza place. "We don't want their sort here, bro."

"Thanks, guys. She'd say the same thing," Kate said, smiling at them. Someone came rushing at them, one of the little punks. She hopped up to kick him in the face and then landed, sipping her coffee again. "Idiot."

Phil blinked at her. "Very nice, Miss Bishop." She smiled, walking off with her coffee. He looked at Clint. "Is she willing to be recruited?"

"College first and she's on a team."

"Pity. I'd love to see her with our training as well."

"I've given her what I could," Clint said dryly.

Phil nodded. "That's excellent of you. Any luck in getting Lewis to train?"

"I didn't know I was supposed to be training her." They heard someone shriek in aggravation and then a person went flying out a window. "That was only the third floor." An agent went to look and came back. "Miss Maisy's daughter's boyfriend?" he guessed.

"Yes, sir. Apparently he was rude."

"Yeah, Miss Maisy insists on manners near her or she will put you in the ICU with her cane." He took another gulp of coffee. Miss Maisy stomped out wearing a flowered housedress, her white hair wrapped up in a turbie twist wrap, and her pale, old, white skin looked fragile this morning. "Miss Maisy, we're sorry if we got too loud and woke you up."

"No, Clint. You know I'm up real early." She stared at him. "You didn't wake me or Miss Elizabeth up. Though she doesn't like that Darcy calls for your dog sometimes."

He smiled. "It's nice of her to walk Lucky for me when I'm busy. I'll tell her to apologize."

"Good boy." Miss Elizabeth came out. She was the mirror image of Miss Maisy only darker skinned and wearing a different housedress. "That punk boy out here? He should've hit by now."

"The agents took him," Clint said with a smile. "Miss Elizabeth, Darcy's really sorry if she woke you up this morning."

She looked at him and snorted. "Girl could use more loud time. Don't know why she was thumping around last night but she needs more loud time."

"Someone fell through her roof," Clint told her with a grin.

"Oh, dear Lord," she complained. "That girl has so much trouble! A good lover would fix that."

Clint nodded. "Those ones want to breed her."

"I didn't say she needed a man. There's plenty of lovin' without a dick," Miss Elizabeth told him.

He grinned. "I've seen that." She snorted but swatted at him. "Tell us if we get annoying, we'll be quieter."

"Conor's the sweetest dog," Miss Maisy told him. "He and Lucky went to steal newspapers for us again this morning with that tiny dog watching for people."

"That tiny one's name is Cutey and she's Kate's," Clint said with a smile. "How did they get out of Darcy's apartment?"

"The fire escape, same as usual," Miss Maisy said dryly. "Left them on our windowsills with a few dead mice even."

Miss Elizabeth shook her head. "Could've done without the mice actually but it was sweet of them."

"We'll talk to the dogs about stealing," Clint promised with a smile.

"Good. They're good dogs." They went back inside holding hands.

Clint smiled at Phil and Bobbi. "They've been here since the sixties."

"Wow," Phil said. "Very long term so they must remember the neighborhood when it wasn't as popular."

Clint nodded. "They're really nice ladies who watched Lucky a few times before Darcy moved in."

"Very nice of them," Phil agreed. He watched the remains of the clean up. The FBI agents were complaining to their bosses but they were also in handcuffs. He looked at an agent then at the tied up ones then back at his.

"They were in the way, Sir. Didn't want them to get hurt." He walked off before someone yelled at him.

"I used to tie those sort up," Clint quipped, cracking Bobbi up again. "It worked."

"Many times," Phil said dryly. "And so did the extra four pages of paperwork."

Clint shrugged and smiled. "At least we don't have to do paperwork as Avengers." He winked at Bobbi. "Want more coffee?"

"Sure." She went with him up to his place. Coulson went to check on Darcy. She wouldn't answer the door and he could hear the dogs barking faintly so they must still be in the safe room.


Darcy walked out and over to Clint's apartment building, nodding at the neighbors who smiled at her. She knocked on Clint's door, holding up the email. "Stop me before I take them up on it and use it to send to those idiots?" she asked politely, smiling at his ex-wife. "Hi."

Clint took the email to read then looked at her. "You'd look horrible in prison orange," he said bluntly. "Same kid?"

"No idea." She shrugged but smiled. "Can't I send it to the people who want me to sex up Bucky and be an unwed mother?"

He blinked at her. "Let me do it instead, Darce."

"Fine. Can you come get the one I locked in the closet then? Before I torture him? Bucky's not on the roof and 911 said that they'd come stop me from kidnaping him."

He nodded. "Sure. Was he AIM?"

"No clue. He came in through the roof hole's tarp and had a huge needle and said now I'd finally fulfill my destiny to give them better future soldiers." She shrugged but smiled. "Conor bit him. I hit him when he tried to hit my dog. I'm really tired of them and I'm about to ask Stark if I can borrow a bomb or three."

"We'd do it easier and he'd actually give us stuff," Clint said dryly. "C'mon, I'll come get your bad guy." She nodded, walking off. He grinned at his ex-wife. "Wanna help?"

"I don't want to do a report tonight but I'll help subdue him."

"Sure." He showed her the faster way over the buildings and down the roof access, getting Darcy's door open. Conor came over to bark at them. "Hey! Calm down! She's a nice lady who can pet too, Conor." Conor stopped to stare at him then sniffed this new lady. He gave her a friendly woof when she put a hand down for him to sniff and petted him. "This is Conor, one 'n', from the Irish myth. We thought Darcy might need a guard dog."

"He looks like he's a really good one." She got out of Darcy's way. She opened a closet door and pointed. Conor barked at the guy in there, growling like he was Cujo. "Hmm. No suit so not AIM probably," she said. "Who are you?"

"I don't answer to ones such as you," he sneered.

She smirked. "I'm a senior agent. You will or I'll throw you off the roof."

He glared. "You're nothing." Darcy shot her tazer's spikes at him, making him scream.

Clint opened the door when someone pounded. "Sorry, Miss Elizabeth, but this guy broke in to try to kidnap Darcy. She just tazed him for being an asshole." He let her see. "We're trying to figure out who to hand him to."

She stared at Darcy. "Why do they want you?"

"You've seen the guy that has the metal arm? HYDRA, and now AIM took it over, wants me to have his kids so they can have future super soldiers," she said dryly, shocking him again when he tried to move. Conor barked more happily and wagged his tail. "You're so good, baby," she cooed, giving him a puppy treat. "You like it when Momma has a tazer, yes you do." He lapped her and went to cuddle up to Miss Elizabeth. "He's really sorry he disturbed anyone, Miss Elizabeth, and I'm sorry I yell for Lucky sometimes."

"It's fine, Darcy. Sometimes girls are loud. You just need a better reason to be loud." She looked at Clint. "You two're cute together."

He grinned. "This is my ex-wife Bobbi, Miss Elizabeth."

She looked her over. "Could use a bit of feeding up but otherwise she looks strong, competent, and sweet, Clint. Good choice. I would've flirted with her in my younger and prettier days."

"Age has a beauty all its own," Darcy said firmly. "There's nothing as pretty as a woman who's survived."

She laughed. "You're a good girl, Darcy, but I know I'm not young enough to club like you and that young thing do." She patted Bobbi on the cheek. "Darcy's good at feeding your boy there up but those mob boys won't let her be hurt. They call her the cookie lady." She left to tell the others the gossip. Clint's ex was beautiful, Darcy was stressed so mean, and Conor was a great guard dog instead of just a big ball of fluffy fur that liked the park. The others in the building were happy that Darcy had caught the idiots this time before she disappeared again.

Darcy looked at Bobbi, smiling at her. "The guys who run this neighborhood have helped me a number of times when these sort show up. I give them cookies in reward instead of sex."

"It's probably easier and safer," she agreed.

Clint looked at her. "The Bro guys, Bobbi."

"Ah! Yeah, cookies might do them more good."

Darcy went to look out her bedroom window, staring down at the alley. "Has anyone seen Bucky today?" she called. The guys playing dice looked up at her. "The mean one from the roof. Anyone seen him in the last day?"

They all shook their heads. "Nope, Cookie Lady. Not a bit. Why?" one called back.

"One of the idiots who wants me to have his kids for their bad ideas and plots showed up again."

"You need help, Bro?" another one called with a smile.

"Nah, I interrupted Clint and Conor nearly ate him." She smiled. "Conor does love my tazer, guys." They all smiled and waved. She pulled back in to look at Clint. "They haven't seen Bucky in a bit."

"I'll pass that back to Steve in case they got him back," Clint agreed with a nod. "You need a nap."

"I need more than a nap, Clint, I just can't seem to find any. Even my vibrators aren't doing it anymore." She sighed. "Conor, let's move the bad guy." He growled at the bad guy, who flinched away from him. Bobbi pulled him out of the closet and cuffed him with zip ties then shoved him into the hall to walk him downstairs for the team she called in.

Clint looked at her. "You could rent one."

"I only cuddle those. I don't want to know what the last renter gave them." She grimaced. "I did get invited to this pretty hip lesbian club though. Maybe I'll go do that." She went to look in her closet, pulling out a pretty dress.

Clint walked off shaking his head. He stared at his dog as he ran up the stairs to lap Conor. Who lapped him back. They sniffed butts then Lucky followed him back down. Conor nudged the door shut and went to bark at Mommy until she gave him more puppy treats. Clint looked at Bobbi, who was smiling at him. "I've been trying to set her up for months now," he admitted.

She burst out in giggles. "It does every woman good, Clint." She patted him on the arm. The agent SUV pulled up and she handed the guy over. "Broke in on Darcy Lewis to try to stab her with that needle. The tazer spikes are still inserted."

"Great," one of them agreed. "It's good she can protect herself." They took him off to figure out who he was.

Clint and Lucky led the way back to his apartment, her following while he texted Steve. Who said he had Bucky. So that was good at least. "Barnes isn't in the wind, he's nagging Steve. That's great."

Bobbi smiled, looking at Clint. "You're good to them."

"Bucky's a nice enough guy and Darcy's like a little sister." He shot her a grin. "Like Katie Kate is."

"Uh-huh. Sure you wouldn't tap that?"

"Nope. I like my dick where it is. At least Katie would remove it on me." She burst out in giggles again, heading in to go back to dinner with him. He followed her because it was a great view in her action suit. She was the best bad decision of his life.


Darcy came back from working with Pepper, finding Cassie Lang on her couch. "Hey, Sprout. Your dad drop you off?"

"Yup. Mom's having kittens. Herds of kittens."

She hugged her around the head. "That happens when you're a parent. That's why I'm not one yet, I only need one dog." Cassie laughed but pointed. Conor was laying on the windowsill to the fire escape, moaning pitifully.

Darcy snapped. "Hey, Conor, come see this." She pointed. "Look there." He came trotting over to let his mommy show him this thing. He saw Bucky and barked happily, bouncing against the window until Bucky looked over and shook his head but was smiling. "There's your petting buddy." She petted him. "You bark at him." She smiled at Cassie. "Why is she having kittens?"

"Dad told her I'm training for a future team spot."

"That got brought up during that fighting the marriages meeting," she agreed. "You are a bit young."

"I'm not that young," she pouted.

She smiled. "Even the Young Avengers team won't let you on until you're sixteen, dear."

"I know."

"Did you talk to Katie about training stuff?"

"Yeah. I thought she had told them."

"Actually, I think I spilled it so sorry."

She waved a hand with a sigh. "It's a really adult thing to discount the young of today."

"I don't discount you guys or your strengths, but at your age, you should be doing fun things. Because once you join a team, a lot less time for fun things. Fewer dates, fewer hanging out nights, fewer parties. All that stuff."

She pouted. "That might suck, yeah."

"Yeah. Kate took lessons for three years before stepping up when Clint had to go for a bit."

"I'm about a year into mine. I'm doing good."

"Good! Kate's gym is full of guys who'd really want to be on a team but aren't going to make that high mark." She sat down, curling up in her chair to take off her heels. "A lot may want to help but don't know how. Kate told one he'd do better as a nurse or a first responder sort so he's trying to get into the fire department. She's real blunt about things if you ask her."

"She told me to come back when I'm sixteen too."

"Yeah. Because at least then you're nearly an adult. At your current age, you're too young. You can't even drive yet."

"Point I guess." She considered it. "How do you know if you're good enough?"

"You test yourself against one who is I guess. Or you ask one of them for an honest opinion and then listen to them. They'll try to talk you out of it, and a few will outright tell you to go do something safer, but if you've got the fire you'll figure it out."

Cassie considered that, nodding slowly. "Right now I'm really more doing track and field stuff."

"Running is an *excellent* skill I have never had. It's safer. Even if you're on a team you have to be able to run at the bad guys, and sometimes away from the bad guys to regroup if you're not strong enough. So yeah, running, jumping, and playing is a great idea to train in as well."

Cassie smiled. "Thanks. Mom told me I'm a girl, I can't do that. I pointed out the list of girls in spandex and that's why she's having multiple herds of kittens."

Darcy nodded, looking around. She spotted Scott in his suit in the kitchen drinking from the dog's water bowl. She looked at Cassie again, who frowned. Darcy smiled at her. "Herds of kittens are a parent's right and responsibility. No parent wants their kid to be in spandex unless they're warped. They all want their kids safe, doing good things for the world, and safe. Though some just want their kids to make major money to support them. There's a ton of ways you can do good things in the world. And many heros have day jobs."

She nodded. "I know. I have no idea about that."

"A hint, most teams desperately need someone they trust to treat injuries," Darcy said dryly. "Because most every single one is hospital phobic. Even at the paramedic level it'd be great. If you do go to a team environment, you'll have to have a job that has a pretty open schedule. There's been umpteen billion events interrupted by an inconvenient bad guy."

She nodded. "I can see that I guess. Medic training would be okay to do. A nurse might be really nice." She nodded. "Someone like Stark has their own infirmary."

"Cassie, with the way the science team in the tower blow up the labs, they need it for them more than they do the heros."

"I heard about that." She pouted. "It's not fair though."

"Yeah, that's because you're the teenager," Darcy said dryly. "Feel lucky your mom didn't drag you somewhere to have you committed with the funny drugs. Some parents have." She heard choking and so did Cassie, who looked around and groaned. She smiled. "At least he probably refilled the dog's water dish."

"Before he supposedly left," Cassie said, glaring at her father. "Dad!"

He came back to normal size, staring at her. "What? It's important that parents snoop sometimes. All the books say so." She rolled her eyes and sighed as only a teenager could. He looked at Darcy. "That shock system doesn't work on the underside of the door."

"That's great. I'll have someone extend it," she said with a smile. "You have the code to turn it off."

"It makes a click." He took off his helmet and sat down beside his daughter. "She's right. Though I brought you here so she could talk some sense into you." He shot Darcy a look.

"No matter how much you talk about stuff, she's still got to make her own decision, Scott. We can talk about the bad sides and all that but it's up to her to decide how she's going to adult. Adulting is hard for everyone but some people it's harder for. Especially if they're in spandex."

Cassie nodded. "I get that and I've asked Kate about that. And Teddy but he was kind of a butt."

"Yeah, he's stalking Kate now and then," she agreed. "He's a bit jealous. I caught him sneering at Lucky and warned him away from the dog because people who hurt dogs are pathetic. I got a glare for it but smirked back at him."

"He told me I'm a little kid and I have no idea about anything so I should go somewhere safer." Cassie grimaced. "I kicked him in the nuts. Kate laughed." Darcy grinned and high-fived her. Her father sighed and shook his head. "It works against guys, Dad."

"Yeah, it does. It's one of those things most young women learn." He looked at her. "I have no problem with you learning self defense. I have problems with the end result of you being on a team of some kind. It's hard, Cassie, and dangerous. I've already nearly died a few times." He shifted to look at her better. "I nearly got stomped on by the Hulk by accident and nearly fell off a building due to another accident so it's not all battle injuries. Do you really want to have scars like mine?"

She shook her head. "No. Not really. I think it's important, Dad."

"And it is," he agreed with a nod. "But maybe there's a better way? You can always be a backup on a team. There's plenty that fall in for the bigger problems, Cassie."

"I've seen." She stared at him. "I'm not going to rule that out. I might actually like being a nurse too." He smiled and relaxed. "But with everything that's going on, there might not be enough of us later on."

"Actually, things like this bring more people to stop the injustices," Darcy said. "It's how humanity works unless it's about mutant rights. Many people have studied that."

Cassie nodded at that. "I can see how that happens. Bad things happen, people react, the diehard believers stay after it's not popular."

"Exactly," Darcy agreed with a smile. "After every single event I'm pretty sure that membership at that gym you go to goes up."

"Probably," she agreed. "What happens if the main Avengers team is down though?"

"There's other teams," Darcy reminded her. "About half of them are bags of dicks rolled up in spandex but they do answer emergencies. And usually cause about as much damage while complaining that people complain at them and they had to come help. Not to mention the Young Avengers team. There's probably some independent heros as well. Guys like that merc that I interrupted flirting with Clint."

"I've only met him once. He was a bit insane but seemed decent as a fighter," Scott said. "I don't know anything about him though." He looked at his daughter again. "You know we only have you and you getting flattened by a building would mean your mother would call you back and rip you a new one before killing you again."

She hugged him. "I know, Dad." She looked up at him. "Can I stay in self defense?"

"Yup. Something we learned when Darcy was in the tower; bad guys come for assistants and those around the teams." Darcy nodded with a grimace. "It could be a lot worse though," he reminded Darcy.

"True, they could've managed to keep me. Or the usual assaults on the tower to get tech or weapons might've made them kidnap me and Jane instead, if only they could understand her science stuff."

"Seriously?" Cassie asked.

"She was working on a bridge to another realm, Cassie, yeah that could be useful. Especially if she could turn it to other realms or places. Which she probably could."


"But the goons were usually too dumb to realize who Jane was or what sort of target she was unless they sent her specifically after her. Then Bucky saved us twice."

She blinked a few times, nodding slowly. "That's weird."

"Welcome to being an associated person to a hero," Darcy said dryly. "Girlfriends of them get the same thing, kiddo."

"Like in the comics?"

"Yup, just like that. Sidekicks and girlfriends get snatched sometimes and sometimes beaten up. So yeah, self defense is *awesome*."

She nodded more quickly. "Yeah, I can do that. Would they come after me?"

"Your dad doesn't have a sworn enemy yet. So you've got time to learn."

"Hey," Scott complained.

"Seriously, Scott, you don't have someone like Hammer is to Stark. Though he's a pathetic example to use."

"I heard about him."

She nodded with a grin. "Plus there's the ones after that web guy. He's got like seven dedicated enemies after him. He's a bit older than Cassie is."

"That's a shit move," he said bluntly. She smiled and nodded. "I know Stark knows the kid. Does he know about that?"

"No clue. Only Pepper reads Stark's mind."

"Point. I'll ask him later and ask Natasha to suggest a best method of learning how to do self defense stuff."

"She told Jane a boarding school about Emma."

Scott winced but nodded. "That figures. Her mom called looking for her."

"I'm pretty sure Jane told her mom she was on Asgard."

"Hopefully. She even grumped about why you weren't there."

"Jane and I needed to be less co-dependent."

"You did. Jane needs to do more on her own too. I wonder if she has a lab assistant on Asgard to help her remember to come out of the science."

"She's the queen. She's probably got a few," Darcy reminded him. "Or I hope so anyway."

"I hope so too." He looked at his little girl. "We'll figure it out. Your mom's almost calmer."

"That was fast. Did she smoke a joint or something?" she asked dryly.

"Not that I'm aware of. Your mom's not like that."

"Well it is a big shock," Cassie said. "Kate said her dad drank for three days straight while staring at her like she was weird."

"I reminded her to tell him before he heard it in a courtroom," Darcy said dryly. "Because then he would've had a heart attack. He probably still would've had one if she hadn't walked in on him being threatened by someone."

Cassie shook her head. "Wow."

"Yeah. But better to come out of the superhero closet than to have your parents find out on the evening news."

"Yeah, I can see that happening," she admitted with a wince up at her father.

He smirked down at her. "I'd have to learn bondage from Barton and Natasha to tie her down until she wasn't going to rip your head off for that. That day I might buy her some mj to smoke. It is legal now."

She hugged him again. "Thanks, Dad."

"Welcome, Cassie. You're a good girl and we'd like to keep you as a good girl who's alive and healthy. You've got years before you can even make that decision, kiddo."

"Fine. I'm still taking self defense."

"Yes you are."

She nodded, resting against his side. She looked at Darcy. "You can get less fancy."

"I've been helping Pepper." She got up and went into the bedroom, coming out in jeans and a t-shirt with the dog coming over to hop into her lap. She looked at him. "Is your petting buddy coming for dinner?" she joked. But she did pet him.

"He's cute," Cassie said. "I could use a jogging buddy."

"If I'm there, we can go together," Scott promised. Bucky walked in shaking his head. "Got tired of being barked at?"

"Yup." He picked up the dog to look at. "It's fine if I'm not here for a bit."

"You know you're his favorite playing buddy," Darcy said with a grin. "I'm about to call out for dinner." He gave her an odd look. "I haven't went grocery shopping in a few days, Bucky, and the freezer's bare too as of when I looked last time." She got up to look, shaking her head. "Nope." She looked at the dishwasher. Someone had put some spaghetti sauced plates in with the clean stuff so she turned it on to run. Her pantry wasn't exactly bare but it was pretty thin. "Can we make something with bow tie pasta and tunafish?"

"No thanks," Bucky said with a grimace.

"So decide where we're ordering from." She smiled. "I'll let you guys decide. I'm not totally hungry."

"Working hard?" Bucky taunted.

"I've arranged six events in the last two days," she said. "And Tony's birthday party." Bucky shuddered but nodded. "And helped with the grant applications by sorting. So tell me where I'm ordering from. And I should make sure I have cash."

"I've got it," Bucky told her. She smiled at him and gave him a fast hug before sitting down again.

He checked his wallet then looked at Scott and his daughter. "Chinese or pizza is safe and nearby."

"Chinese," Cassie said, looking at her father, who nodded. "At least it has some veggies."

"Don't order soup from them," Darcy warned. "It's horribly salty."

Bucky shook his head. "He was staring at you as you walked past in those leggings and a long t-shirt," he said dryly. "He forgot how much salt he was pouring." She shot a dirty look at him. He smirked. "He did. It's usually not that salty, Lewis."

"Fine." She looked at Cassie. "Sometimes," she sighed. "Guys got opinions."

Cassie laughed but nodded. "I've met a few of those and went 'ick' all night. Kate agreed it was an icky thought."

"Kate would know. She's seen plenty of icky things and guys," Darcy assured her. She saw a flash of light from the corner of her eye and leaned back to look. "Clint's home with Katie and they look nasty. Like crawled through a sewer nasty." She smiled. "Lucky's barking at them but he's refusing to let either one pet him." She got up and went to open the bedroom window, shocking the guy on the fire escape who was trying to break in.

"Dude, what did I say about stalkers?" she demanded. He groaned but climbed back down. She waved and Kate opened the window. "Lucky, come get petted," she called. "Let your human get less nasty." He hopped out onto the fire escape and went up to get over to her building then down into her apartment, rushing to bark at Scott until he petted him. Kate smirked and waved but shut the window. Darcy shut hers too. She came back to sit and got comfortable until her dog hopped into her lap. "Hey, Conor." She petted her dog.

Cassie looked at Lucky then at Darcy. "Sometimes things are weird," she decided.

"Yeah. But that's the life of being in spandex," she said dryly. "Still sure you want to put on a suit?"

"Not if I come back so nasty a dog won't let me pet it."

Scott smirked as he patted his daughter her shoulder. "It's not that uncommon."

"Especially if you're anywhere near Stark's lab geniuses. They blow up a lot of stuff and you end up covered in oil, flame retardant foam, and chemicals often enough that you just sigh when it happens as you're heading for the special showers."

"I've heard you have done that many times," Scott teased with a smirk for her.

She grinned back. "Not mine or Jane's doing. But it was nice when I woke up to the Hulk poking me; he was just making sure I was okay because he said I was cuddly and soft."

He spluttered. So did James. She grinned at Cassie, who had a wide-eyed look. "Wow," Cassie said. "Really...just wow." Darcy grinned and got the menu for the chinese place for them.

Bucky and Scott shared a look but they both knew Darcy was a little bit...different at times. It must've been from all that science she had to run over to make sure Jane did things. Cassie looked up at her father then at Bucky, shaking her head. "Darcy, what if I want to go to college?"

"I'll write you a personal rep," she promised, smiling at her. "Not a problem, kiddo."

"Thanks. Is it hard?"

"That kinda depends on what you major in and how much you stress yourself. Some people take minimum hours to be full time. Some people take maximum hours to get it done faster. I've seen kids that take twenty-four hours a semester and wear themselves out. They don't tend to do much with the college life stuff but sometimes that's smarter anyway. Some college kids are all about the partying while they're young. I do recommend that you go on a trip during spring break and don't take all the summer classes you can so you get another one. It's a lot easier to travel and do things when you're eighteen than when you're forty and have kids and a spouse to drag with you. Plus you can stay at youth hostels and the like so it's cheaper. I knew a few kids who backpacked around Europe with a rail pass so they could get on a train anywhere."

"So not cheapy cheap but cheap enough and the travel's good for anyone," Cassie said. Darcy smiled and nodded. "Did you get to?"

"Not a whole lot. I took some here and there, and later with Jane. I'm not a world traveler but I'm a bit experienced. I'm like a duffer of travel."

Cassie nodded. "So enough hours to get it done in four instead of five, take the time to do some wild things but not a lot, and do some traveling?"

Darcy nodded with a smile. "Yeah. Especially if you want to go somewhere like Disney? They have spring break specials and everyone looks at single adults going there without kids. I tried that on a break at Disney Paris and they all looked at me to make sure I wasn't going after the kids."

"So go in a group of friends or bring some kids," Cassie quipped.

Darcy smirked. "Then I'd be responsible for someone's kids. Parents get weird about that."

"I'd go."

She smiled. "Let me know when your mom would agree."

She pulled out her phone to text her mom, getting back a 'why would she want to do that' so she explained the thinking about wanting to go to Disney when you're an adult and not having kids. She sighed but said 'fine'. "Mom said to let her know when."

"Let me know when you've got a break, kiddo."

"No long break for a few months," she sighed. "But then it's not tourist season so maybe it won't be as crowded."

"That's why I never want to go somewhere like that in the summer," Darcy said. "Plus it's so hot you just die from sweating. Spring break time is usually fun, just a lot of college kids drunkenly propositioning the furries."

Scott burst out laughing, shaking his head. "I know a few people like that when they're drunk," he admitted. "Your godfather, he's like that when he drinks."

Cassie patted him on the wrist. "That's why I probably won't drink a lot, Dad."

"Thanks, kiddo. I knew you were smart like your mother."

"Are you like that, Darcy?"

"No, honey, I get flirty when I'm really drunk. I usually find a cute guy and flirt until I have some fun."

"Yeah, she's not allowed to do that even at your age," Scott said with a smirk for Darcy.

"That's up to her, not up to me."

"Point." He looked at his daughter. "Don't do that either."

She rolled her eyes. "Dad, I have a few friends who have done a lot of that. Including not charging but having fun on a long band trip." He winced. "At least you can't get pregnant from oral sex."

"True," Darcy agreed. "And you can still use a condom."

"Eww," Cassie said.

Darcy grinned at her. "Guys have things sometimes, Cassie. You gotta make sure you don't get it. It's condoms or a clean test and no sores. Though herpes can be on other parts that aren't covered."

"Yuck." She pointed. "I can see a shadow."

Darcy opened the door, smiling at the delivery guy from the chinese restaurant. "Hi. For us?" He nodded, eyes wide. She smiled and let Bucky sign the slip then took the bag with a wink. "Have a good night."

"You too, Cookie Lady." She tipped him and he walked off thinking about that subject. Cookie Lady was hot when she wanted to be. Apparently they needed to see how fun she was drunk. He ran into the two archers outside and stepped away from them.

Clint looked at him. "If you're going to flirt with Darcy, go ahead. Just be aware we'll handle anyone not good enough for her." He gave him a pointed look. "And you're probably too young." The guy pouted all the way to tell the older guys. They liked Cookie Lady too. Clint and Kate went up to join in. Clint got their dinner ordered and sent when they saw what they were eating. Then he settled in to play with their dogs while Cassie asked what had happened to make them that messy.


Bucky was looking around Darcy's kitchen for something to eat, because his was bare again, and he was bored anyway. Darcy was at work with Pepper for another hour so the dog was bored anyway. Conor was staring at him from a shelf in the pantry, he liked to lay on it when his human wasn't home. It was his sneaky guarding spot apparently. He found a frozen chicken and looked at it then sighed. At least Darcy had stuff to nibble on in the pantry. He reached behind the dog, getting lapped. He smiled at him. "Just getting food, Conor."

The dog barked and got up to pounce him. Bucky had to step back to catch him because Conor was a heavy dog, but the jumping had shown a book. "She puts her recipes into a journal?" He looked at it then pulled it out to look through. What he saw wasn't amusing. He didn't know Darcy was evil. He brought the cookies, the dog treats, and the journal to the couch to look through. It had some good ideas, if she knew how to do those things. The dog helped him nibble on the faux baked potato chips while he read.

Darcy came in and smiled at him. "I haven't been shopping this week yet."

"I noticed." He held up the journal. "Do you need drugs or did you confiscate it?"

"I confiscated and then added," she admitted, taking it from him on her way to change clothes.

Bucky stared after her. "Did you turn in whoever that was?"

"No. This was their therapy since you guys nearly got her killed."

"I guess that's reasonable," he admitted. "Why did you add to it?"

"The same reason we had a sudden trip in a shipping container," she admitted.

"Are you going to do any of them?" he asked patiently.

She leaned out of the bedroom. "Don't tempt me." She went back to changing clothes. "I'm trying very hard not to become evil, Bucky."

"I'm sure you are." She tossed something at his head so he read it over. Then he folded it up and put it into his pocket. "Yeah, I can let Steve handle that so you don't have to." She snorted but it was a sound that made him wince. Bucky considered how Steve would handle something like a future evil Darcy Lewis and sighed. Steve wouldn't be able to stop her. She'd get around him because he wasn't used to modern dames and the ways they thought. He texted Clint to get his advice on strategy. He got Scott Lang instead since Clint was in the infirmary thanks to a Stark lab accident aftermath. Scott told him how to handle Darcy's ill mood by making her do fun things. She needed more fun times.

Kate walked in and paused, staring at him and the dog. "What?" she asked when he stared at her.

"He found that journal I confiscated," Darcy called.

"Oh, yeah, her journal of evil ideas. You should see Darcy's instead of that one." She closed the door with a sigh. "Darcy, I have evil sluts at school."

"I remember those in my school. I distracted them by telling the chess team they wanted to be hit on." She walked out pulling her hair out of her t-shirt. "I told the chess team why and they were happy to embarrass the idiot bitches that made fun of them. Totally ruined two's reps so they had to become real humans instead of bimbos. One's actually an agent with the NSA." She smiled. "The others in that group went quiet when their leaders were brought down. Personally I think it's that slut's fault that I'm being bugged and hacked by them. She's still mad that her boyfriend found out she was all but charging for it with most of the rest of the basketball team, just not him."

"Jeez," Kate said, eyes wide. "That's evil, Darcy."

She smiled. "Thank you!" She gave her a quick hug. "Cassie and I are going to Disney in a few weeks if you wanted to join us for your spring break."

"Mine's not until the week after hers," she complained. "Or I would." She looked at Bucky, who was giving them odd looks. "Women have those thoughts when we're bothered by idiots in this world."

Darcy smiled at him with a wink. "You should see what I had planned against that doucebro uptown if he hadn't given up." She went to look in her pantry and her fridge. "We're going grocery shopping."

"I'm pretty sure that's why I showed up," Kate said. "So you could tell me what I need to get for my own house."

Darcy called her account, frowning at it. "Why is it locked?" she muttered, calling the number on her bank card as she walked into the bedroom. She came back out. "The idiot dick had the judge lock my main account so they could do an accounting for the lawsuit," she said with an evil smile. "Brian hadn't heard but now he has." Kate shuddered, shrinking in on herself. "I have other money thankfully." She got what she needed and went out with Kate. "We'll be back in an hour if you wanted more than chips, Bucky."

"I can wait and play with the dog," he agreed, waving at them. He gave Kate a pointed look to calm her down. Kate shrugged but smiled, going with her mentor/big sister sort. He didn't want to know what Darcy would pull up if she went truly evil. Though he would search for that other journal while she was gone. It had ideas that really weren't good but hopefully she'd never let it out. He wasn't sure if she could find someone to make that drug she mentioned for her. He sent that one to Stark so he could counteract it. Steve wouldn't know how to handle a good dame going bad. Stark had driven a few to it. Possibly Pepper some day soon too.


Stark read his newest email, clicking on the scanned in picture. He stared, blinking as he read. Pepper leaned over his arm to read and winced. He looked at her and sighed. She nodded he could handle it. He let her handle the meeting while he looked up other things about Darcy's recent doings. He found the lawsuit order and the reversal order that was just filed by a different judge since that first one was now under investigation. Darcy's lawyer had made a mess of the local judges. Again. He was apparently enjoying Darcy's evil mood.

Then there was Darcy's new lawsuit she had him file just a few minutes earlier as well for trying that stunt. "Shit," he muttered. Pepper stared at him then took the phone to look at the new information. She winced, handing it back and shaking her head. "Let me...go talk to her. Before she fully turns evil and has to enact an evil plan." He got up and left, going over the rest of the information on the way.

"Stark," Steve called. "Wait up. I want to talk to you."

"Not now, Rogers. I'm busy." He headed for the elevator. Rogers stopped him. He stared at him. "I'm. Busy." He got free and walked off. "I've got finish making Lewis calm down. She's going to destroy half the city if I don't." He got onto the elevator and went to find his former lab intern fussing person. She really needed some stress relief. A lot of stress and evilness relief.

Steve sighed, calling Bucky. "What's going on with Darcy now?" He listened as Bucky read him what he had sent to Stark. "Can she do that?" He considered it. "Yeah, she could probably pay someone to do that....huh. Yeah, that's more important than finding out what happened with the lab explosion this time. No, Clint's fine. Just a bit bruised and coughing from the dust when he was getting Bruce out of the labs for his own safety. Thanks, Bucky. She did what? Why did she confiscate...." Bucky read him some from that journal. "Wow, do we know who that is? I'd really like to know who was going that evil.

"Oh, a therapy journal because she got hurt during something," he muttered. "Shit." He nodded. "Yeah, I'll let Sam handle that then. Thanks, Bucky. Try to make her bake or something? Two weeks? Really? And she hadn't grocery shopped in weeks? Um.... yeah, hopefully Stark can make her vent then. Thanks, man." He went to talk to Clint. "How bad is it that Darcy hasn't went grocery shopping in three weeks?" he asked Clint. They were close, he should know how bad it was.

Clint looked at him. "I've been trying to get her calmed down now for over a month, Steve. What did you hear?"

"Bucky found a journal of hers?"

"The confiscated one? I talked to the kid and yeah she hates some of us more than others for nearly getting her killed. I don't think she'll put on spandex but she's going to work against Stark International some day."

"No, he found Darcy's version of that."

Clint winced. "I didn't know she had one of those." He sent a text to Kate, who told him a few other things. "She's avoiding baking and just made an evil deal with her lawyer. So we're pretty well all screwed if she wants to act against us. Which she wouldn't want to thankfully. The dumbass uptown...I almost feel sorry for him but he brought it on himself." He looked up at Steve. "And AIM's about screwed if they try her again. Thankfully she likes us." He grinned.

"Are you certain?" he demanded.

"Yeah. I'm sure. We're okay." Steve sent Bucky a text message and got one back, letting Clint see it. "That's to ground Stark because he might need it some day when he loses it again." He stared at him. "She mentioned that one in case it was needed. She was telling Pepper."

"I guess that's fine then. Should we worry about stopping her?"

"Plenty of us think that the stupid one brought it on himself." He shrugged. "I doubt you can make that stuff stop sooner since the stupid one is doing it to himself."

"Can we stop him?"

"He's not an evil overlord. Though if you ask Doom, he might sneer about him in the press since the guy said he admired his ruling style. He said it more than once."

"Great," he muttered, walking off to talk to Sam. Darcy was getting way too angry and it wasn't good for her or others. There might be some civilians in the way. They'd have to stop her and it'd be bad of them to have to hurt her.


Clint walked up to where Darcy was in the club with Kate and America, nodding at the girls as he walked Darcy out onto the floor from the bar. He stared down at her while they danced, making her smile. "This isn't a social call, Lewis. You worked Rogers into a fussing fit about having to hurt you if you turned evil."

She burst out in giggles, leaning on his chest. "I'd never hurt Steve or you guys, Clint. You know that."

"Yeah, I do, but still. Evil plans?" He stared down at her. She smiled at him. "Not allowed."

"Sometimes they deserve it and they bring it on themselves."

"Let us handle it, Lewis."

"No." She kissed his cheek with a smile. "You have nothing to do with that lawsuit or anything but AIM's new ideas." She strolled off to tell the girls.

Clint followed. "Don't let her talk you into evil plans. Steve was so worried he asked Sam how to stop her, ladies."

"I'm pretty sure that's why we're in the club," America quipped with a smile for him.

"Uh-huh. Getting her tipsy and flirty won't help that mood at all. Hell, Stark was about to drag her somewhere and drop her off."

She stared at him. "Yeah, I fought that one off earlier. He's being a puppy sitter in cuffs in my saferoom."

Clint slumped, staring at her. "That's kinda evil. Will Pepper like that?"

"Yeah, she loved my idea to stop him if he went total rager about things." She sipped her drink and took the girls out to dance with them instead. Guys liked it when girls danced together and they got flirted with faster that way.

Clint watched while texting Bucky so he could go release Stark. Bucky said he had tried but couldn't get the cuffs off, they were titanium, so he was waiting on a laser cutter. Clint sighed, watching the girls dance together and flirt with guys. When Stark got there, he pointed. "She said we're safe. We're not the ones pushing her toward evil."

Stark stared at him. "Uh-huh." He looked out there. "The girls look good with her."

"Yup. So what do we do?"

"Is she getting any?"

"Not yet. She's not even tipsy yet though."

"They weren't *bad* plans, and they'd only hit the problem people," Stark admitted. "She's not a full evil villainess yet. Though she said she wanted to be one when she was younger." He sighed. "Pepper said to let her handle it herself."

"Pepper's got her own plans," Clint reminded him. Bucky strolled past them. "Go distract the girls so Darcy gets some," he ordered.

"They're too young for me. I was going to get Lewis," Bucky shot back. He pulled her away from the girls with a nod and moved her farther away, staring down at her while they danced. "Cute plans against HYDRA. Would it really work?"

"They seem to think it'll work against us," she said dryly, smiling up at him.

He stared at her. "They probably wouldn't care."

"No, the higher ups probably wouldn't care. The ones involved in the labs...they'd care it was going against them." She turned to dance front-to-back with him. "I figure at least half the lab people are there due to bad choices they may regret."

"Possibly," he admitted. "Still doesn't make it right, Lewis. That'd be mean to those people."

"They should have the antidote." She looked up at him. "Wouldn't they?"

"They probably wouldn't care if their own people get hit. It'd make them more loyal through blackmail."

She shrugged. "I had other ideas."

"Uh-huh." He stared at her. "You're going too evil. They're holding Avengers meetings about you and evil."

"You're the one that told them, that's your fault. Mine's theoretical. You panicked like a little girl." She stared up at him again then smiled a tiny bit. "It's not like I've hired a chemist."

He pulled her closer so he could hiss in her ear. "What happens if someone gets those?"

"Then mine's still theoretical, not practical."

"We'd have to fight against that, Lewis. Anything against HYDRA would probably work against us."

"Stark has most of that already covered." She blew a kiss once she got free of him. "Stark had plans against all that years ago, when I was working with Jane. He even had a wacky, drunk weekend when Bruce suggested he should think up counters to all the possible crackhead plans that might come about." She strolled off, winking at America since she had been watching. She got a drink and handed one to Clint and a bottle of juice to Stark. "I knew you had counters to most of those thanks to that one weekend of thinking up counters to crackhead plans." She walked off sipping her drink.

Stark smirked at her. "Get back here, smartass."

She winked back at him. "I'm not yours, Stark, and I'm having fun. You all encouraged me to blow off the stress."

"Uh-huh. I'm throwing you into somewhere to handle that stress."

"You did that once before and it was run by SHIELD. Thankfully someone took out that file." She shrugged and went back onto the floor.

"It was?" He looked that up, wincing at that note. "It was. She beat a few of them up with shoes and tazed the rest to get free. Huh." He put his phone back and looked at Clint. "Pick her out someone?"

"How would I know?"

"Haven't you two...." He waved the bottle around before taking a drink.

"No, not since she was drugged."

"Really? Why not?"

"Friends. Only friends."

"You could be friends with benefits."

"Yeah but she's not into me."

"How would you know?"

"Because girls don't wear the torn, dirty clothes around guys unless they're like brothers or they've been married for a bit, Stark."

"Oh, yeah, that stuff." He grimaced while he finished the juice, then sighed. "We have got to find her a method of stress relief."

"Yeah but she won't rent one and having us here together is probably going to downgrade her options tonight." He looked around. No Bucky but no Darcy, Kate, and America either. "They left apparently." He gulped his drink and put the empty glass on the bar before leaving. Bucky sent him a text when they got to wherever they were going to go. Not as upscale, very loud, and still a club but a lot of college aged kids. Kate and America got in so apparently their fake ID's were good. He got in after a long stare. "My bestie's in here stressing out and about to turn evil. I'm here to stage an intervention and get her laid by anyone who'll take her."

He paid the cover and was let in. He found Bucky watching, he had apparently snuck in since he was in the rafters. Clint found a good watching spot. The girls were back together on the floor. They looked hot. If he was some regular guy he'd want to jump between them. A few guys were chatting up the two younger ones but Darcy wasn't getting any play yet. No one even went near her but this club was for younger people than Darcy was.

Clint finally went to grab her and nodded. She shrugged so he took her to a club that was for people nearer to her own age. There, she was the young and pretty one instead of being the older sister sort. There she got a lot more play and Clint watched over her to make sure none of them were evil shits in the making. A few were, and one was already an evil shit in his own right, so he glared until the guy caught sight of him and warned him off Darcy's ass. That one went to dance with someone less guarded. Darcy shot him a look so he rolled his eyes and went back to his beer.

Bobbi, his ex, sat down next to him. "Why are you here?" she asked as quietly as she could over the music. He pointed. "Lewis again. Interesting."

"Bucky found her evil thoughts journal and wanted her to get less evil. I'm making sure the evil shits don't want her this time."

She looked. "You haven't glared at three of them." He groaned. "Two are agents in other agencies, and one's just an evil bastard in the making." She pointed. "He's a top lieutenant in Doom's people. Those two are agents," she said with a point. "FBI. They're with a former one that got arrested when they tried to raid the wrong way." He slumped. "Due to her?"

"Yeah. Some kid offered her a bomb and we found out, even though she didn't answer him back."

"Ah. That one. I heard. Coulson nearly had a heart attack." He shook his head with a sigh and sipped his beer. "Think she can handle it herself?"

"Probably but I don't want to make her do that. Having to tase her way out of here wouldn't help anyone. Especially not her." He looked at her. "She had plans."

"All women have plans," she quipped.

"She had good plans."

"Oh, those sort of plans. Against the team?"

"Nope. We're not the ones pushing her toward becoming evil, or so she said."



"I can have a few guys come flirt with her."

"She'll probably realize it."

"Could be but better assholes you know." She looked at him. "Why haven't you...."

"She was drugged by HYDRA once," he admitted. "It was damn good."

She patted him on the hand. "She might not mind a remake."

"She's worn trashy clothes around me and thinks I'm like a big brother, Bobbi," he sighed.

"I can go ask."

"Please don't," he begged, looking at her. She was smiling. "Bobbi, she's a friend. I don't have many of those. Can you not ruin one of them for me? Please?"

She patted him on the hand. "I'd never ruin your friendships, Clint. You know me better than that."

"Yeah but not when you're in woman mode. Which you are and which is why I nearly got killed in Belarus and Scandinavia during that chase to save you."

She huffed. "Fine. I won't ask her about it."

"Thanks!" He took a larger drink of his beer. He winced. "That douchebro again as she calls him. That's the idiot that's suing her's son-in-law."

Bobbi got up and went to dance with Darcy, making the younger woman smile at her. "Saving you," she said in her ear. She nodded.

Darcy looked then at her. "Not even if it'd save humanity," she said dryly, cracking Bobbi up. "But sure, we can dance. You're good at it apparently."

"I am. I had to teach Clint too." They moved together, making a lot of guys hot. "So I heard rumors....."

Darcy turned to look at her better while they danced. "I was dosed by the super yucky guild of morons. Clint saved me with the antidote."

"Does that mean it's not a redo sort?"

Darcy shrugged. "I think that's up to him. I'm more worried it nearly destroyed our friendship."

"Clint's not like that."

"Yeah but it still nearly happened. He didn't even look at me the next day. Told me all I wanted to know. It was bad enough that he's someone I could've jumped before but that ruined a lot of things."

Bobbi nodded. "He's great at casual stuff but he does get embarrassed." She shrugged some but smiled at her. "If you'd jump him he might not mind it, Darcy. It'd help you both since he's tense and uptight."

"They think I'm going to finish going evil and go after others who haven't pushed me this way. Or that someone might find them and use them against the team instead of HYDRA."

Bobbi shook her head with a sigh. "I doubt that."

"Me too but they're men."

"Good point." She smiled at the guy trying to get their attention. "Sure, you can dance with us."

Darcy smiled at him and he came closer, but didn't match up to their skills so he pouted off. "I get a lot of that these days."

"Clubbing has gotten worse since the nineties." She hugged her to get them away from the guy trying to grope them.

Darcy looked at the guy trying to grab her ass. "Dude, I haven't even danced with you. I don't let groping happen unless there's at least been a cheeseburger. So get off." He snorted but glared as he went to someone less pushy. She looked at Bobbi. "A lot of guys think they're entitled." She nodded back. They found a few nicer guys who could keep up with them. She smiled at one, who winked back. She looked up at Bobbi, she was slightly taller in her heels. "Yours?"

"Yeah. Lance, this is Darcy Lewis. She's the one giving Coulson ulcers."

"How did I do that this time?" she snorted, smiling at Lance. "Hi." She shook his hand.

"Something about you and lawsuits."

"I'm not suing Agent i-Pod thief. He finally gave it back eventually." Lance stared at her oddly. She smiled. "I used to work with Jane in the labs." He swallowed hard. "Even if you heard I'm mean and evil, I'm only that way if you push me towards the evil."

"Nah, I'm not that stupid, most women only need a tiny push but it'd damage my fragile male ego," he admitted, cracking the women up. They danced with the ladies and it was better. More normal people wanted to dance with Darcy too while the agents went to handle the evil ones in the back.

Bobbi popped back up to Clint after the arrests were done. "She thinks that you didn't want a replay," she said in his ear, making him sigh. "I asked. She said you couldn't even look at her the next morning and she could've seen you as someone to pounce now and then but thinks that incident ruined it. So go there, it might be great." She patted him on the shoulder. "Really. It could do you both good." She left, going to help handle the paperwork. Three big problems and another six minor ones was a good haul from one arrest.

Lance Hunter looked up as Coulson came into the interrogation room. "She said you don't have to worry about her being evil, you're not the one pushing her that way."

"Only the one morning I tried to get her up very early," he shot back with a grimace. "Why did this come up?"

"Bobbi introduced us."

"She was there?"

"Yeah," Bobbi said as she came in with a file. "She was trying to blow off her current evil thoughts. Clint was watching over her." She looked at him. "She seems really nice. I can see why she got away from the team before they warped her."

"Probably the other way around," Coulson told her. "Through baking." He walked off to handle the problems.


At the club, Clint was tired of watching the weaklings with no skills try to interest Darcy. She wasn't being picky but they all decided she was too good for them apparently, or too hard to get to have fun. He went down there to dance with her again, making her look up at him. "Saving you from the pathetic ones."

She smiled. "That's nice of you. Thank you for the heroic saving. I was about to leave for the night since no one here's giving me any play."

"They realize they're not good enough for you."

"A few might've been fun but probably not long term," she agreed.

"You deserve better."

"Yeah but I doubt I'm going to find a long term anytime soon."

He smirked at her. "Was that a hint?"

"No. You proved you weren't interested, Clint."

He squeezed her against him. "I wasn't not interested, Darce, I was scared of hooking you like an addict."

She laughed, swatting at his arm around her stomach. "I'm not an addict, Clint, but you didn't even stare at me in skimpy clothes."

"I was trying to be polite."

She looked up at him again. "Seriously?"

"Yes, seriously. Not for permanent but I'm not against fun."

"Funsies are great fun," she agreed, smiling at him. "I'm not against funsies."

"Then let's ditch the little kids who want to think they're good." She shrugged, walking out with him to go home. His since hers was full of dogs and possibly two Young Avengers getting it on with each other.

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