Imagine: The List
Fic posted by members of Vo's Imaginings YahooGroup

Darcy walked through the reporters. "People, we're not going to be out for hours," she noted. "Don't touch me. I'm really pissed about this attempt to make me a slave of the government for my womb." They backed off. "Give us a few hours please. Hopefully we have a real judge this time." They got through courthouse security with Clay keeping one of his weapons just in case. The head of the security team escorted them to the courtroom they needed to be in and waited with them. He remembered HYDRA trying to invade to get her twice, and almost a third. She settled herself beside her lawyer. "You're hungry, right?" she asked with a smile.

"Not fully but I can definitely nibble on someone's ass."

"Please, be as nibbly as you can," she said with a pat to his arm. "This is Clay."

He shook his hand. "I hope it's an easy day for you."

"Me too." Secret Service agents came in and he stared. "This is odd."

"He has two because of the HYDRA threats," Darcy said with a hand wave. One of them stared at her. She stared back. "What? Are you going to help him try to make me a slave?"

"No, Miss DeCriths." He moved closer. "Nice job with Culver." She smiled. "You did spill classified information."

"I don't have access to classified information. Never have."

He stared at her. "Still, you were privy to some."

"As far as I knew it was known. He had been caught on camera more than once. When I found out it wasn't, I simply warned a reporter that was already getting death threats from someone she hadn't named." She shifted to cross her feet. "I don't want her dead. She's one of the few at her organization who has brains."

The agent grimaced. "Still, young lady."

She smirked at him. "Thank you for that compliment, even though I'm not that young."

"You should know better."

"I'm not an agent. I have no classification rating, no access to classified materials, and no idea that it wasn't more widely known. His picture flashed on CNN a few months back and he was there when the Cleveland convention was attacked." The other agent winced. "Not really stealthy and not my fault." She ran a hand through her hair and stood up as the judge walked into the courtroom. The agents went to guard their protectee on the other side of the room.

"You may be seated," the bailiff said.

Darcy smoothed her skirt under her legs as she sat.

The judge looked at the papers before him. "Why are we debating taking this person into custody? Is she fighting that arrest?" the judge asked Brian.

"No, Your Honor. She's not under arrest, and that's not to arrest her. They're trying to enslave her to use her womb against her will."

"They're what?" he demanded. Brian handed over the file he had gotten from Stark. "Where did this come from?"

"An interested party who knows both her and the ones that they want to impregnate her by," Brian said. "Who is also not an agent but it was openly on their servers when an agent did look for him."

"Name them," the judge said. "Oh, never mind, I see the letter on top," he said, reading it over. "Oh, dear." He looked through it then grimaced. "I find this really distasteful."

"It is in the interests of public safety and the government's right to protect people that we create a next generation of protectors," the lawyer for SHIELD said.

The judge looked at him then shook his head. "I'll hear opening arguments about why this is a good idea in a moment. Is there anything else that may come into necessary sight?"

"Yes," Darcy said, handing over her file. "That includes the original idea, which was HYDRA's. That also includes the files that HYDRA turned over to AIM when their chosen doctor couldn't handle the stress and got arrested on them, plus information how SHIELD has stolen my medical records from my GYN twice now. Also in there is a notice about how my GYN isn't sure I'm even fertile or able to carry a child. They *assumed* that I'd give in to them when I haven't given in to any other version of this plan."

The judge looked over the doctor's statements. "I see they did grab your records, once with a secret warrant. When was this new director appointed?" he asked the government's lawyers.

"Six days ago, Your Honor," one of them said.

"So why was SHIELD taking her gynecologist's records sixteen weeks ago?" He looked at them.

"That plan has been fought against since it was started by HYDRA, Your Honor," Brian said. "We have no idea who got her records the last time."

"By the doctor's letter, SHIELD has a secret warrant. Which I think is overstepping that program." He glared at the government's lawyers. "Any other evidence to present up front?" Brian handed over a sealed packet. "This is on...."

"The tampering that the chosen father, at least of the HYDRA version of the plan, went through and he may not be fertile either. Plus on their kidnaping last year."

The judge read it over, grimacing. "This makes me sick," he said. "Is this person alive?" Brian pointed behind him. Bucky was sitting behind them in the back row looking murderous and tense but in nicer than usual clothes. "Good." He put them aside. "All right, start with statements." The government's statements were about what they were when they tried to marry the group off together.

Brian stood up to start his once they were done. "Your Honor, I'd like to know when the government started to allow slavery to flourish again. There is no government interest in any woman's womb. They do still have the right of self determination over their own bodies at this point in history, no matter how much some might want to whittle it down. As far as I know there's been no law made that would allow slavery to restart or the government to own a person's reproductive organs for their own uses.

"My client has certainly not given them that permission and she has been quite firm in fighting back this plot. All the way to outing a supposedly dead last director of SHIELD because he had been caught in the press. That one had saved her from that kidnaping and a few other attempts when she couldn't do it on her own. He had agents assigned to help her whenever this plot came back into notice. She has fought off seven kidnaping attempts in the last three days."

"Nine," Clay coughed.

"I'm sorry, that's nine now according to her present bodyguard. Why is it that my client, who may not even be fertile anyway, has to keep asserting the right to control her own body? We'd like this stopped once and for all, Your Honor, because this stupidity is getting out of hand." He sat down.

The judge looked at the groups then nodded. "Is she in fact fertile?"

"Would it matter?" Brian asked. "Is the law only on the side of those who can bear children?" The judge glared at him. "With that surgery she needed when she had been kidnaped there is some minor scarring that may preclude her from carrying a child. Her parents' wills stated they didn't want their only grandchild to be adopted but there is no penalty if she only adopts because she can't bear one."

"Can they do a test to tell if she's fertile? If she's not then they may give up," the judge noted impatiently.

"Then they'd find someone else," Brian said. "And we'd have this same scene again, Your Honor. Only this time my client would be supporting that one and helping her learn how to get away from people who have lurid interests in their sex lives. Her sex life isn't a living porno, nor should it be allowed to become one without her consent."

"Objection, the government has an interest in the protection of the people inside the country. That's what allows us to set up militaries to protect them, Your Honor."

"Her child won't be your military," Brian said dryly. "Even if by some means of science she would get knocked up by your program, she'd still have mother's rights as primary caregiver and wouldn't be turning the child over to you to be trained from birth to be a super soldier in the making. That's even beyond the point that no one knows if the serum Captain Rogers was given would pass on. Frankly, she said if she did somehow, by some act of rape and kidnaping, end up pregnant she'd send the kid to Asgard to be raised by Loki first. Lord Thor has said he'd aid her in that."

The judge licked his lips. "The one who invaded the city?" Darcy nodded. "Why him, Miss?"

"He's strong enough and crafty enough to protect the child from them," Darcy said quietly and calmly. "If the child had any gifts the warriors on Asgard would be the best trainers there ever were. He or she would learn not to be used by people like them, Your Honor. Loki may be an ass but at least he's not the bag of dicks like the new director of SHIELD is."

"Language," he ordered.

"Sorry but I can't find anything nicer to call him. Not after that letter he sent me at work."

"What letter?" he ordered. She handed it over. He read it and huffed. "That is very disgusting," he said, putting it down. "Apparently his putrid plans are in the open."

"I'm sure he'd do worse once they captured me," Darcy said. "I'm known not to be an easy kidnaping target, Your Honor."

"Have you had to kill to get free?"

"Three times so far," she said. "One had a heart attack due to my tazer. One got stabbed in the neck. The last one was just earlier when I had get free and kicked him into traffic so he got hit by a sedan. Then my bodyguard managed to get rid of the other four members of that team for me and got me evacuated."

The judge looked at the guy behind her then at her. "Are you attached?"

"No. I have a few friends I have some stress relief with now and then but otherwise no. though I was not aware that I had to be married to have self determination over my womb. I thought we got rid of that idea when the Supreme Court said that single women had the right to buy and use birth control as well as married women."

"Not what I meant. I was seeing if you had anyone else who needed to be included as a witness, young lady."

"No, Your Honor, I have friends who have been harmed and stressed by all this but not someone intimately attached to me."

"Thank you." He wrote down that note and looked at the other side. "Give me one very good reason I should even think about granting your wishes."

"Your Honor, some day we will need another Captain America. Who else is going to protect the people from things like Loki?"

Brian snorted. "You can't use him against his will either, even if you were sure that the serum would pass on. Frankly, Your Honor, they're grasping at straws just like when they tried to marry all the Avengers off against their wills and got stopped. Though at that time they decided to marry her to a different Avengers member."

"I saw the notes on that plot as well," he noted. "Makes me nearly as sick." He looked at her then at them. "What would happen if I didn't grant their wish, Miss Lewis?"

"Well, first, Lewis is my use name, Your Honor, due to death threats. My actual name is DeCriths." The judge winced. "Second, if they did take me into custody, there'd be a hell of a fight and if and when I fell I'd die from it. Because they won't be using my womb. Ever. If I have to have the damn thing yanked out, right now I'm okay with that idea."

The judge looked at her. "Some day you might want children."

"I find it really wrong that people consider adopting a child to be a lesser state of parenthood when they should be given medals for being so compassionate," she said blandly.

"Point, young lady." He looked at her. "Was that name change official?"

"No. Originally, an agent stationed at my first college intervened when my former stepmother sent someone to kill me. He's the one that got the name change done in form but not legally done. Lewis is my grandmother's maiden name. As I had up to three death threats on my life until this last year, it's stood. Though it has been noted in the press and other places at times. Including another court case or two."

"I see, including that someone couldn't do simple google searches for names." He made note of that. "So that would make their petition invalid anyway." He sighed. "Thankfully. Because there is no legal basis for owning someone's womb against their will. And even if she did get pregnant, no *sane* judge would give you custody of the child to raise. I'm sure many could help her fight that problem if it were to happen." Someone stomped in. "Who are you and why are you invading my courtroom?" he demanded, pushing his emergency button on his desk.

"You have one we want here," the man said with an accent.

"Fuck you and go away," Darcy told him.

He sneered and hit her. "You are just a means to an end, Lewis," he sneered. "We will have you anyway."

"Over your dead body," she said.

"We have the courthouse surrounded and will take you," he said. "You cannot fight all of us."

"I'm not alone," she said. "And others know where I am and are watching."

"Yes, they were easily taken out. The *archer*," he sneered. "So predictable."

"No, I'm not," Clint said from his seat. "Sorry."

The man looked then huffed. "It still makes no difference but now we can play an amusing game first." He pointed his gun at Clint. "Pick which of your friends you will miss or they'll all die."

"Then you'd better shoot me because I'm not playing games," Darcy said. She stood up and got between him and the others. "You want me, you try me. You don't go after my friends. That just makes others mad." He smirked and tried to grab her so she stabbed him in the shoulder. "No, I don't think so. I may hate that I know how to do that thanks to you guys but it's better that I end this threat myself before more innocents get hurt."

"Down, Lewis," Clay ordered. "Let us."

She looked at him then at the guy on the floor. "That'll get you hurt, Clay, and I'd hate that."

"So? Still my job." He looked at Barton, who came up to get her. "Sit." He took the knife, looking it over. "Sweet."

"A present from Thor for my twenty-sixth birthday," she said, taking it back. "I think I've used it well."

"I think so too," Clint said, holding her. "Just calm down. Breathe and all that." She scowled at him. He grinned. "If there's any more to be killed, it's my job with Natasha. Or Stark's job. He's really mad at them." She huffed but sat down again. Clay was searching the guy then handed him to the Secret Service people. He looked at the disgusted looking new head of SHIELD. "I guess they're worthless now with that bag of dicks in charge." The judge cleared his throat.

Clint looked at him. "The old SHIELD never would've let them get the courthouse, much less that close to her. Not when I was an agent. Not when Fury was in charge. Not when Coulson was in charge. It only took six days for them to become pussies. Clearly all the good agents left," he told the new director. "You're not over the Avengers or any other heros. We all think you're worthless. You'd better hope we feel like handling bad things for you because I'm sure not." He looked at Clay. "Your Honor, can we evacuate her?"

"Not according to the other security guards," the bailiff said. "They're fighting the ones outside and the three in the building with him. We're safe in here and we're locking down all the rooms." He looked at the judge. "You should go back to your office, Sir."

"No. I'm safer in here. They don't want me and I don't want to make someone split off to help protect me." He looked at her then at the agents. "I believe that one is right. Who are you?"

"Former Agent Clint Barton."

"The archer on the Avengers," Brian said quietly.

The judge nodded. "Then you and her bodyguard sit her in the back corner where it's safest," he said with a point. "Motion denied," he told the other side. "I suggest if you want superior weapons as agents you train them better. Clearly, the new ways aren't as good." He banged his gavel. "Dismissed once we get out of here."

Clay tapped his earpiece. "Status update," he ordered. He listened. "We have four agents and my boys taking out most of the problems," he noted. "Three inside are being handled by bailiffs and NYPD. Plus Stark. Sixteen targets outside left as of just now. They had nearly sixty."

Clint nodded. "Which four agents?"

"Not noted, Barton."

"Okay." He looked at Darcy, who looked ready to throw up. "Hey." She looked up at him. "When you get home, we're going to hug your dog, let you have wine with the cookies again, and let you soak in the tub. Okay?" She nodded slowly. "Your dog's still on Kate's couch anyway so we can grab him. He's safe, you're safe. We'll handle it. Clay's guys have got it with a few good agents." She nodded, relaxing and letting him have the knife in her hand. "I've got it, Darce. Just let us handle it. You sit here and don't think." She nodded more quickly then got up to throw up into a trash can. Clay nodded he'd handle it while Clint went to look out the door's window to check for anyone. No one in the halls so that was good.

"Four targets left, taken on by SWAT," Clay reported. "Nearly clear out there."

"Good," Clint said with a nod. He looked at Steve and Bucky. "You two good?"

"Yeah," Steve said. "If they get in here, you'll have help."

"You won't leave me any so let me hit them first," Clint shot back with a smirk. "I really want to hit these people again. They shoot at my dog, they try to poison me, they think I'm not useful. They're idiots and I need to help you handle that."

"I'll gladly let you have them first but they won't be walking out of here," Bucky told him. "And if I can't finish them I'll let you do that too." Clint grinned at him.

"It's not that easy," the new director complained.

"Shut up," Darcy told him. "Clearly you're not anything or up to date on who people are with their skills." He glared at her. "Oh, please, come on," she said, waving at him. "I'm more than happy to beat you to death if I have to. I won't even get sick if you die with the way your letter said you wanted me raped and impregnated. Hell, I might never have kids thanks to you guys. I was looking forward to it some day but now...probably not just in case you try to snatch them too."

"If you had just done as you should have," he started. Darcy walked over and punched him, making him hit the ground.

"No woman is supposed to be *forced* into having kids against her will. I don't know when you were born but slavery hasn't been legal since the last state got notified in 1864, mother fucker. I doubt it'll be restarted now and you forcing me to have a kid would mean I was your slave. I'm not ownable and that's not what I should be doing. I *should* be out handling my charity and other charity work but *no* I have to deal with you instead of righting some wrongs you caused to start. I have to take time out of my busy schedule to deal with you because you have *ideas*. Well, fuck your ideas, they're not good for humanity or anyone. What makes you think that even if I gave you a kid by one of the super soldiers that you'd get past me or their father to get the kid? I doubt you'll manage that."

"One's an experiment and the other's a traitor," he sneered, standing up. "I'll have you up on assault charges later."

"Then I should probably earn them, huh?" she said. "And no, they're humans. They're not lab rats, they're not traitors, nothing. You guys tried that on Bucky already and lost that court case. You can't double jeopardy him. That's the law." She hit him again. The Secret Service agents had backed away and were stoically not looking at their protectee. "And Steve has been a real little boy since his mother gave birth to him. Him being enhanced isn't any different than any other medical procedure in this world and they aren't owned or lab rats so he's not either." Steve stepped up behind her and hit the guy. "I can handle it, Steve!"

"I know you can." He grinned at her. "But you're going to break your hand because you don't hit that well. I've got to teach you how to box if Bucky doesn't."

"Besides, some of us wanted to hit him more anyway," Bucky said, standing up and walking over. "I try really hard not to go near the brainwashing I had done to me but for you, I might just go back to the Winter Soldier." The man was babbling and shaking his head. "I thought I had learned about racists and bigots thanks to how things used to be back then. I'm ashamed to say you're worse than even the Klan was in our original day." The man tried to get up so Bucky shoved him with a booted foot. "No, only real men stand in the presence of a lady. You're not worthy to stand." Someone knocked then walked in dusting off his suitcoat. "We free now?"

Phil Coulson looked at him. "We don't have you in custody, Barnes. Why wouldn't you be free?"

"I meant with the threat."

"They're handled. They're not happy but they're down. The courthouse has been cleared, Your Honor. It's free to release people." He looked at the man on the ground then at them. "What did he do?" Darcy got the letter from the judge and handed it over with the motion paperwork. He read that over, grimacing some. The motion made him scowl at the guy on the ground. "I doubt that would fly even if you had been granted custody of her. Some of SHIELD still has honor and sense." He looked at the Secret Service agents. "I've got it. You can go now."

"Who're you?" one demanded.

"Senior Agent Phil Coulson, formerly the Director of SHIELD in hiding." They both backed away.

"Fury had plans," Steve said dryly. "He usually had many running at the same time."

"True," he admitted. "Though he was caught by someone's camera phone earlier as well." He looked at Darcy. "You've now gone fully evil so we should talk about your future career goals."

"Stark talked me into giving Culver Hammer's old company for their new engineering complex," she said dryly.

He stared at her then nodded once. "Your dog's on Kate's couch, your block is clear, go home with Clint and Barnes and hide for tonight please. Just in case, Darcy. We'll talk about this tomorrow to make sure your have a safety strategy and to let you know how many more might want to try this plan. We've got to do some cleaning up so it'll probably be in the afternoon so your dog doesn't have to bite me for getting you up before ten." She nodded but walked off with Clay. "Boys, follow her please," he said with a point. "Before she talks some of the Russian mob into taking down HYDRA with you. Clint, your dog's with hers and Cutey."

"I knew that," he quipped. "Let me go hit people for her. She never wants to let me do the macho thing and hit people for her." He followed. James shook his head, looking at Steve. "We can give you two a ride if you want," he called back.

"Thanks," James said, looking at Steve again, getting a nod. He looked at Coulson. "Let me know if I need to keep packing extra weapons." He walked out after the trio, Steve following him. He looked at Steve. "We needed to meet dames like Darcy back then. It would've been a great thing."

"I adore Darcy like a sister," Steve admitted. "But I could've seen dating her back then. Or calming her down now really. That way she doesn't have to keep being on edge or going toward evil plots to save herself."

Bucky put his hands in his pockets, nodding. "Yeah, that might help her too." Kate followed them out to the rented car. There was barely enough room for all of them. They paused to get the dogs from Kate's apartment then went to Darcy's. It was bigger and had food. Plus clothes for her and Kate to change into so they could try to calm down.

Coulson looked at the rest of the SHIELD people. "Nick Fury would like to talk to you. He had me fetch you. We should go before he has to stomp in here."

"I'd like to make sure that no one wants to restart this bad idea," the judge said.

Coulson shook his head. "I will take them out myself, Your Honor. We've fought hard to separate SHIELD from the infestation of HYDRA and that was their idea. We don't need to be like them." The judge smirked and nodded. "If they should try that again, the consequences would be...severe."

"Noted," the judge said. "Have a good talk, gentlemen." He left with the bailiff. They didn't want to see that mess being made.

Outside reporters had caught sight of Nick Fury fighting the idiots. "You're Director Nick Fury!" one of the reporters called. "You were dead. What happened!"

"Not like we could fight HYDRA from the light," he sneered as he stomped past them. "Go away. Before I have you all arrested." He stomped inside and a few officers stared at him. He headed for the right courtroom, his other loyal people behind him. He walked into the scene of Phil Coulson politely talking to the idiots as he ripped into them without having to raise his voice. "Hell no, if we're going to breed anyone to Lewis it's you so I have a few more competent agents," he sneered. "Damn if it doesn't appear we need some suddenly." The new director was giving him horrified looks. He stared back. "What? I suddenly change color?"

"You were dead."

"No, I was alive. The only one who was actually dead was Coulson. And I fixed that shit. Now I've got to fix this shit instead of fighting HYDRA. Why am I forced to come into the open to fix your bout of stupid?"

"It's more than stupid, or criminal," Phil told him, handing over the motion and the letter. "Apparently he turned their plots to the use of SHIELD."

"Hell no we don't do things like that. We may have some bad ideas and work in the shadows too often to be truly good people in some cases but we're not like that." He stared at the new director again then at the agents. "I'd hope like hell you weren't supporting this."

"Most of the ones supporting that motion are actually out of commission," Brian said with a smile for him. "Darcy's having a bit of stress but I'm told that others have helped all day today."

Fury looked at him. "We could use a few lawyers with ethics."

"Let me fight against the orange man who wanted to grope her first please. I'm hoping I'm the one who can finally make him pay for his wrongs to others. She's just the latest in line." He gathered things up. "I'll be at my office if you need me." He took those papers from the director. "Thank you. We're keeping it all in a file in case anyone else comes forward."

"If they do, let me know," Coulson told him. "We'd have to handle an agent internally." Brian smirked but nodded as he left. "I like that Darcy told him to be as evil as he wanted. It's been an interesting case so far." He looked at Nick, who was staring at him oddly. "I've kept track in case he tries to hire a third set of assassins he won't want to pay."

"You need a vacation," Fury told him.

"I won't get one for a while, Nick. If I take one soon, I'll be using it to spar with certain people who have promised not to kill me for not telling them I was alive." He walked off. "I'll see you on the helicarrier."

He glared at the agents. "Report back to base before I kick your asses back there." They all stared behind him. "I don't care what Romanoff is going to do to you," he noted. "Go. Now!" They tried to get around her and weren't fully successful but they made it out alive. They ran into the others outside and most of them limped off, but the former 'new' director was in sad enough shape that the NYPD took pity on him and called him an ambulance.

The paramedics got there in time to find another few female agents kicking the guy around for their own pleasure. Fury walked out. "Ladies, let him go to the morgue," he ordered. "SHIELD will never have any plan that would be a breeding program and I'd never let you out of the field long enough to have kids anyway. We've proven that most of the men that remain are pathetic without female oversight," Fury finished with a glare at said agents. "Be damned if we need more of them than you."

"Sorry, sir, but too late," one of them said with a smile. "You owe me a present and a vacation in six months."

He stared at her. "Go sit your ass down!" he ordered with a point. "You should not be fighting in that condition! I'm going to handcuff you and hand you to your husband!"

"Not like it was actually a fight," Natasha said blandly. "The competent agents are all in hiding or on the team." She looked at that agent. "When your child is of age, I will help you discourage them from becoming an agent but helping them train in self defense. They could use it. Your husband is pretty and the child will probably take after him."

That agent smirked at her. "Thanks, Natasha. That's sweet of you." She blew a kiss. "At least he doesn't call your name in bed." She walked off. "The baby wants salsa. I'll do a report later."

"I don't care," Fury told her. He looked at the male agents. "I'd flee. I gave you an order." They headed for their cars. He looked at Natasha. "Can you adopt?"

"No. Nor will I do so. I am not meant to be maternal," she said dryly, scowling at him. "Have Coulson have many spawn that we'll warp on him." She strolled off. "She's at home with her backup, Hill."

"That's good. We have an agent on the block to make sure she's all right. Hopefully they can find a way to get Lewis out of evil mode."

Fury snorted. "She's not evil, Hill. She's perky, hyper, and womanly. Not evil."

Hill looked at him. "She bought Hammer's former company and was going to start a defensive strategies group." Fury shivered, moaning a tiny bit. "It got gifted to Culver instead with the instruction to do that for her. She is very much in evil mode and even Stark is ready to bow at the evil, Nick. We need to get her out of evil mode before she finds a way to take out HYDRA for us."

"If she does, I'm fine with that," Fury decided. "Means I don't have to go do it myself." He walked off. "Let me go talk to those idiots before they get more ideas." He ignored the reporters filming all this. It was going to be a bad day when the president finds out and yells at him. This was not in the plans for the new SHIELD.


Darcy came out of the shower and looked at the clothing someone had pulled out for her. "Why am I making myself squeeze into spandex?" she called.

"So we can ogle you and stare at your ass," Bucky called.

She leaned out of the bedroom. "I have better clothes to show off my boobs, Bucky, and if you want I'll put that on. It'd be more comfortable than spandex." She put that outfit back then pulled on the three-quarter sleeved shirt that had a tie bustline. It had a stain so was now a pajama top. She pulled on some satin capri pants and walked out there.

Bucky stared. "Wow."

She smiled. "Exactly. It used to be my favorite bar hopping shirt until someone spilled coffee on me in an elevator." She settled into a chair, letting her dog hop into her lap to be petted. "Did Lucky and Cutey abandon you to nap?" she asked, smiling at him. He barked so she petted him. The other two were napping on the windowsill. Conor settled in to guard his human while she fussed over him.

Clint watched the dog then her. "Any other plans you have? Evil or otherwise?"

"Not at the moment."

"I had plans of going to blow off some stress," Kate admitted. "I could use some loosening up again."

Bucky looked at her, arching an eyebrow up. "Really?" She smiled and nodded. "Uh-huh."

"If that's an offer, go for it," Darcy said with a hand wave. "Use the spare room. It's got clean sheets."

Kate smirked at her. "Thanks. If he wants...he's got to be good at it."

"Kate!" Steve complained.

"What?" She shrugged. "I'm all for playing for stress relief, Steve. He could use less stress too."

"It is nice to be less stressed," Bucky agreed. "We could go out like you girls do but that'd be a safety hazard with all this going on." Darcy's phone rang again and Clint hit ignore for them. "We're screening your calls," he said at Darcy's stare at him. "Yours, Kate's, Barton's, ours. We're only answering for certain people."

Darcy leaned over to grab her phone, then settled in again, petting the dog that was huffing at her for daring to move. She looked at the missed call log, frowning. "You hung up on Stark." She got into her voicemail to listen to them. Steve took the phone to put it onto speaker so they could all hear when her face showed it wasn't a pleasant message.

They all listened to a few agents threaten her and then reporters threaten her for not giving them that sort of scoop instead of her buddy at that one paper. The rest weren't that happy. Stark's was to ignore all the pissing and moaning, because they were petty, stupid people who needed to start saving themselves. Darcy sighed but got onto her twitter. "I'm putting out that I'm laying low tonight."

"Don't," Steve ordered. "Just don't answer them."

"If I don't, they think they can get away with death and rape threats, Steve. I don't like to let them do that." She sent out a tweet that she was safe, tired, and stressed out but she'd be fine. That she was watching the fallout as well and was calming down with her dog. She logged out of twitter then let Steve steal the phone to look at the tweets at her.

Kate leaned over to look. "Wow, the bitter assholes are back, Clint. Apparently I'm a whore with her now."

"No, I've never charged a day in my life," Darcy said bluntly. "I don't think you have either."

"Nope. Not that there's anything wrong with it if that's your life's goal but it's not my thing. I don't even get presents."

"Half the presents lovers give are lingerie that doesn't fit right and the rest is mostly stuff you want to burn when it's over with," Darcy told her. "Trust me." She smirked a tiny bit at her dog. "You are a good boy." He barked and wagged his tail. "You protect your human so very well, pupkins." She went back to cuddling him.

"Who is this person that said you're bringing down a noble agency by not doing your civic duty?" Steve asked, showing her.

She looked. "One of the representatives to the state House. He's sent that before." She took the phone back to point out that women had self determination over their wombs and he had no right to expect her to use hers for his benefit. And if she did have a kid, she'd rather it go live on Asgard than down here. At least Loki would be able to make her future improbable child strong enough to withstand people like him. She handed Steve her phone back.

He logged into his twitter and agreed that he wasn't breeding for any reason other than finding a woman he loved and having kids, and his children would never take his shield over so they didn't have to deal with people like that guy. He smiled. "Sharon retweeted me and answered that his girlfriend wasn't ready for kids yet anyway and no, they'd never become agents or superheroes. They'd be nice, normal people who did normal things. He answered her and let Kate have Darcy's phone again.

Kate looked at Steve's phone when an alert sounded. He groaned what sounded like 'Tony' but they pulled it up and turned on the tv. That tabloid station was running an interview with Stark. They had broken in to cover it. Tony looked at the reporter yelling at him. "What?" he asked.

"Do you have a comment about all that mess earlier?"

"Not something that doesn't contain swearing. I'm glad Darcy could get herself free of those simpletons. I'm also glad that we don't have more Avengers babies. Emma's a lot of work some days and almost all of us are single. Only two of us on the team are dating someone and Pepper isn't really kid centric." He smirked at her. "It's good that the judge agreed that women had self rule about their bodies and their wombs. Most of us thought it was a given but apparently some in the middle ages." He stared at her. "I hope it never has to happen again."

"Captain Rogers' tweet just came in and he said that his child would never hold his shield."

"If Steve ever has kids, they'll be decent people but I doubt they'll want the shield. They'll see all the stress people like you and that state rep that got onto Darcy again gives him."

"What state rep?" she demanded.

"One of the state reps, again, told Darcy that she had to use her womb for the greater good. This is his seventh or eighth attempt at that idea. I hope like hell he's voted out of office for that stupid moment. He is up for reelection after all." He smirked again. "Anything else?"

"What happens if you have a child?"

"I had myself snipped at eighteen, not even two weeks after my birthday. If I seriously have to have another Stark, I'll have it reversed whenever Pepper is ready or if she wants to use a surrogate that's fine too." He shrugged. "It won't be soon and there's every chance I'll have the kid raised by a security team somewhere outside the US so they can't try on mine too."

Another reporter jogged up to them. "Is it true that Lewis bought Hammer's old company, Mr. Stark?"

"She did and gifted it to her alma mater." He smirked. "With the intent to make defensive strategies. Darcy said she'd love to find a way to give each and every young woman a tazer and pepper spray for their own safety. Hopefully that new program will come up with something better." He walked off. "Going to get dinner, people. Have a better night. The rest of us are hiding from all of you." Kate texted Stark's phone, and they saw him read it then grimace. He looked at the reporters. "If the reporter from FOX threatens Darcy again, she's going to have to go back into evil mode. We really don't want her to go there. I hate fighting people I know to save people I'd rather see die." He walked off again.

"Who was that text from?" the reporters shouted.

"A person on another team." He waved in the air. "Have a better night, people."

E news cut back to their 'reporters' to go over the breaking news. "There's been reporters threatening her?" one of them asked. "Her twitter feed is blowing up."

The other one nodded. "It is and some of them have been very angry with her for not spreading herself for the whole Avengers team. What a double standard. If she did they'd nag her for it. Since she's not, she's seen as even worse. I feel sorry for her but I'm glad it's not me."

Darcy waved at the tv. "Me too. They'd probably be able to take you. I'd hate for them to do that to anyone and I'd hate for Steve to become a daddy that way."

Steve nodded. "I'd try to take the kid if she didn't want it," he agreed. "We'd have to hire Emma's old nanny."

"I'm with Stark; I'd move us to Europe and be safer over there."

Clint looked at her. "We'd come visit."

She smiled. "I'd like that." Someone pounded on the door so Bucky got up to get it.

He opened it after looking out the peephole. "What?" he asked the mob guy out there looking nervous.

"Agents have been spotted in the neighborhood. They look confused but are ready to raid somewhere. The watching one is in the wrong block."

"I can handle that," Bucky assured him.

"Thank you," Darcy called with a smile and a wave. "We might decamp to somewhere safer. I just have no idea where. If I have to move I'm moving into somewhere massive that has a security team Clay's team picks for me. I'll get to sexually harass them like I was a Stark and wander around all the time being bored with the dog."

Clint looked at her. "Stark's old mansion is falling in."

"No thanks. Howard's probably haunting it to nag his wife and son."

"Could be," Kate agreed. "Something that massive would be Long Island and a huge commute though."

Darcy nodded. "Yes it probably would be." She sighed and got up. "Let me check on the charity's email account."

"Pack a go bag just in case?" Clint suggested. She nodded, going to do that. "You can include flirty stuff too."

"I don't think flirty clothes and push up bras are appropriate for hiding," she admitted. "How does that help survival?"

Steve snorted, shaking his head. "She's right, it's not necessary. We couldn't let her out to get her laid anyway."

"Hell, if she's going evil I can help her with that," Clint said, shooting him a dirty look.

"You two are dating?" Steve asked.

"No, we're fucking with benefits," Clint shot back with a smirk. "It's just for fun, not for dating. It helped get the evil out of her." He spotted movement and looked. "Hey, Scott." He unshrank and looked at them once his helmet was off. "You okay?"

"Yeah. I've got Cassie and the ex hidden with a few buddies who'll make sure no one touches them." He flopped down, petting the staring dog. "Hey, Conor." He looked at Steve. "The agent team on the other end of the park are now not going to invade. Bruce went Hulk for a few minutes and stomped on their van."

Darcy came out to stare at him. "Why?"

"They came after him too," he said dryly, smiling at her. "He got upset on behalf of his unused sperm. He's fine, back in control again."

"I'll have to hug him later since Bruce hates cookies." She went back to picking out what she wanted in her go bag, plopping it next to the door and putting in the spare leashes and grabbing food for the dog. He perked up and went to sniff his bowl, making her fill it for him and his water dish. That was nicer. Cutey came to sniff too so she got her bag down to feed her too. That brought Lucky, who could eat Conor's food with him. She added more to that bowl, making them both happy dogs.

Clint shook his head. "I forgot they needed to eat." He shifted to cross his feet on the coffee table. "Did you remember things like your phone charger?"

"Yup. My tablet and phone can use the same charger so it's in there with my tablet and my laptop will go into my laptop bag in a minute." Her laptop stayed with her for now so she could get online and check on her mom's charity. She had a few requests and read through them then granted them, sending the bank the approval letters. She put the laptop down after logging out of her email and watching her twitter feed self-update. "Hmm. Someone with a spoof of Pepper's account is saying that we've all got to move out of the tower now."

"You're sure it's a spoof?" Kate asked.

"Yeah. They misspelled her name on purpose." She answered that one that Stark hadn't said the ones who lived there had to move, and she didn't live there anyway. Stark's quip that said he wanted the whole team to move in for their own protection from leaches like that spoof account guy. He also invited Darcy. Darcy grimaced. "Stark wants us all to move into the tower full time to protect us from the assholes in the city."

"It'd make your commute easier but it's nice being in the next building from you," Clint said with a smile when she looked at him. "It's nice that I can check on you by walking past my living room window."

"It is nice and the dogs have a lot of fun traveling back and forth."

"They found their way to my place," Bucky said. "Lucky and Conor sniffed me out and Cutey followed, with a bark at the landlady who's always outside on the stoop. She let them into my place since I wasn't there. They were working on the window to the fire escape to see if they could open it when I got in."

"You guys are so smart," Kate told the dogs, petting hers. "Very smart puppies."

"Mine tilts, Clint's pushes up but slightly out because his window frame is kinda broken," Darcy said. "Yours?"

"Pushes up but my frame's not broken. I can't put a dog flap on the fire escape window either. It's a security hazard."

"They do make ones that have a sliding door," Darcy said. "The sensor's on the collar."

"Still a risk that someone can clone the signal."

"Ask Thor, see if they have something like that on Asgard," Kate quipped. "Darcy, you need board games."

She stared at her. "Since when do I usually have this many people over?"

"Point," she admitted. She looked at Clint. "I know you don't have any."

"Nope. Sorry." He got up to make coffee, glancing at his apartment. "Someone's at my place. The lights are on." He went to use the roofs to get to his place, walking in and scaring the crap out of his ex-wife. "If you're looking for us, we're at Darcy's protecting each other."

"I wanted to make sure you were still okay and whole. There was a talk about just taking testes to create the next wanted kid."

He grinned. "Nope, no one's touched my balls in days." She snorted, swatting at him. "Coming over?"

"Sure. Why don't you have coffee?"

"The HYDRA guy the other day was poisoning it and I haven't replaced it yet since I haven't really been home."

"Ah. That's reasonable I guess." She went with him over there. "I'm the official SHIELD plant to make sure you're all okay," she announced as she walked in.

Darcy smiled and waved. "Hi. Pull up Clint's lap since that's the only free seat. Otherwise one of us will have to sit on him and I doubt Steve wants to sit on Clint's lap right now."

"While that would be hot," Clint said sarcastically. "I don't think Cap's into my dick, Darcy."

Bobbi looked at him then sighed and went to make coffee. "He's sorry he's warped. Where's the coffee stash, Darcy?"

"Second cabinet by the sink," Kate called. "The good stuff is still vacuum sealed. The weaker stuff is open and I'm not sure if we want to take that chance."

"Sure." She looked at Clint. "What's this I heard about your brother?"

"Yeah. He's alive and lurking somewhere."

"I knew that was him but you said he was dead."

"We all assumed he was dead," Clint agreed. "Apparently he's now here lurking and watching us." He sat down and Lucky looked at him. "Look, it's Bobbi," he said with a point. His dog barked at her then hopped up into his human's lap to get petted. "I love you too, you big, fluffy mooch." He petted him. Cutey had hopped into Bucky's lap and was now snoring on him. Bucky was giving the dog unamused looks but Kate was giggling. "Well, she's a Russian Terrier mix," Clint told him. "She's got to be stubborn."

"We do tease that the two dogs are the furry, less lethal versions of Clint and Natasha," Darcy agreed.

"Cutey's plenty lethal," Kate told her. "I walked in the other night and she had gotten a mugger in the balls. He was bleeding and unconscious on my living room rug." Clint gave her a funny look. "Seriously!" She pulled up the picture on her phone. "See!"

He looked. "That's one of the thugs that works for that fat, wears white guy."

"The one my dad used to know?" she guessed. Clint nodded. "Well, fuck him then. I'm not joining their party of stupid." She considered it then looked at Clint. "Send that to Natasha?" she suggested, grinning at him. He took the phone to send that and erased the number afterward. She put it back onto the table so they could ignore the new tweets and threats they were getting. She looked at her phone. "Why is Stark calling me." She answered it, putting it onto speaker. "What's up? We're still safely together."

"Why does Lewis half-own a company that does scientific research?" he demanded. "Someone just dug that up."

"I helped by giving them start up funds," Darcy said. "They're paying me back to buy me out. One of the girls on my former RA stint started up a practical engineering lab to make better hybrid engines and her sister joined in to do better engineering designs for earthquakes and the like. They've about halfway bought me out."

"Why?" he complained.

"Because they had good ideas and no one wanted to help women in sciences," she said bluntly. "It wasn't that much and they are buying me out. And hey, their labs don't even explode."

"Funny," Tony said sarcastically.

"Tell Bruce I said thanks for stomping on those agents."


"He stomped on the agents who were going to raid this block," Scott told him.

"Oh. Sure, I can do that. I guess he's around here somewhere. Um, Barton, have you seen Natasha?"

"No. Why?"

"Just wondering if the redhead killing people in the shadows of where I am is her." The phone was cut off.

Clint got up, putting the dog down. "Let me go find Stark."

"Ask FRIDAY," Darcy suggested.

"Good point." He picked up his phone on his way to get more weapons from where he had stashed a few over here. Then he walked off with Bobbi following. The others waved. Darcy was safe enough with Scott, Bucky and Steve, plus Kate. And the dogs of course.

Darcy looked at the guys, shrugging some. "Scott, go steal some workout shorts and change."

"I have clothes on under the suit, Lewis," he said, giving her a dirty look.

"Then you're doing better than I manage," Steve complained. "They had to design special underwear to go under mine or I'd have to wear a thong."

Bucky looked at him. "Really?" Steve nodded. "It's that tight?"

"Yup, it sure is," Kate said with a grin for them. "And it makes his ass look like a holy object for many women to worship."

"I thought you only got that raunchy when you were tired," Steve shot back.

"Half the office staff has pictures of Steve from behind on their walls," Darcy told her. "They all seem to like his stealth suit instead of the red, white, and blue one. A few have whole posters but they're the PR team. They keep good shots of all the team on their walls to refer to when they're designing new PR stuff for you guys to go through."

"Thanks for telling me I need to go clean their walls," Steve said, glaring at her. She just grinned back. "Any of you yet?"

"No. Why would they? I'm just an assistant." She grinned.

"Uh-huh. We're going to make you a suit just so you can protect yourself," Scott said, staring at her. "I heard about the AIM assault."

She waved a hand. "We ran out of time. I was holding the door closed so the last few could get away. I knew I could bullshit them into thinking I was harmless, because I mostly am, but those girls would've been trapped and probably crying. You know I hate to see people crying."

"Yeah, I do," he agreed. "Still, Darcy. Try to be a bit more protective over yourself as well?"

"I was. I did good. They didn't even know who I was and I gave Bucky my tazer and knife when we got shoved into the same room."

Bucky nodded. "She did."

"Thank you for cleaning it up before giving it back."

"It needed it, and sharpened again." He shifted, looking at the dog glaring up at him. "I can move and if you don't like it, go sleep on your human." The dog huffed and went back to sleep. "You are just as stubborn as Natasha," he said in Russian.

Steve giggled. "I'm guessing you just compared those two?" Bucky nodded. "I think she finds that amusing."

"I do," Kate quipped, getting swatted by Bucky for it.

Darcy looked at the new twitter that was coming in. "Oh, great. Now I'm supposedly fucking Barnes." She shook her head. "A national news reporter just 'broke the story'," she said, doing air quotes. "That we're shacking up together."

"Not likely. I do live in another building." He took the laptop from Steve to look at it, then huffed. He got handed Kate's phone so he could log into Steve's twitter, the guy had given him his password months back. He put up a message from Steve saying that he knew Bucky lived up the street from her but he was only at Darcy's apartment to protect her or for food. And sometimes to play with her dog. He handed the phone back with a huff. The dog barked quietly at him but nuzzled his stomach and flipped over so he could grace her with stomach petting. He looked down at her. "So spoiled."

"She's making sure you feel better by petting her," Kate said. "Lucky does the same thing when Clint's down."

"Conor too," Darcy agreed.

Bucky petted the dog, making them both calmer.

Steve got up to answer the door, looking at the guy standing there. "Do we know you?"

Darcy looked over. "He's fine, Steve. He's one of the guys that hangs out around here. He even called me 'bro' once because he didn't spot the boobs."

"You hide 'em," the guy complained. "Could've been a hipster who couldn't grow a beard." He looked at Steve. "That Hulk guy is really weird."

"Is he still Hulked out?" he asked.

"No. He just smirked at the smashed van and said 'nice smoosh' as he walked off and paused to buy donuts."

"Bruce does really like flaky, sweet stuff instead of cookies," Darcy agreed with a nod. "And non caffeinated teas."

Steve looked at the mob guy again. "Did Bruce hurt anyone else?"

"No. He's just weird! He smiled at one of the pros up the street and she nearly passed out but the other one said he was cute and she'd want to try him just the once."

"Bruce has to control his heart rate," Steve said. "That probably won't happen."

"She still offered!"

"Some women are size queens," Darcy said. "He'd be the ultimate ride."

The guy whined. "Eww!"

Darcy leaned over to look at him again. "Actually, Bruce gives great hugs. Even in Hulk form. He kept me from freaking out once when we were under quarantine and I had a dislocated ankle. He deserves better than a pro but the Hulk deserves some love too. He's only scary in battles. He tends to call me nice and pat me on the head."

The guy stared at her. "He's huge."

"Yeah? So are some basketball players." She shrugged. "They get chicks."

"He'd probably split someone apart," the guy complained.

"Think about how big newborns are," Darcy shot back with a smile. "Think he's bigger than that?"

He stared back. "That's a gross thought."

"Hey, women stretch down there to let kids out," Kate told him. "Hulk's probably not any bigger than that. Some women even seem to enjoy it because they have billions of kids."

"So gross," he muttered as he walked off rubbing his forehead.

"Tell that girl that Hulk's a sweetie and deserves someone great but they have to remember about his strength," Darcy called after him with an evil grin at Kate, who smirked back.

"I sense evil," Bucky complained.

"You're quoting an anime?" Kate asked him. He swatted her. "You are!"

Steve shut the door, going to the bathroom to try to get that image out of his head. He came out after a few seconds, less blushing and more grimacing again. Darcy probably had to clean the bathroom again.

Scott considered it. "You could probably work yourself up to taking the Hulk if someone wanted to. I mean, there's things to train your body to open wider."

"There are," Darcy agreed. "A few girlfriends and I went to a kink club in DC on a dare and we learned a lot about what people could do with their bodies. Thankfully they were in the mood to show off instead of sneering at us for being curious college kids. And one of the girls with us had a serious interest in a few things that they could explain to her. She had only seen porn. While she did that, I took a massage lesson in erotic massage and pressure points and our friend hung out at the bar to flirt with the lesbians who wanted to tie her up and gag her to get her to stop asking questions."

Kate shook her head. "I'm a lot more vanilla than that."

"There's many weird things in sex and it all depends on the ways you use them," Bucky said.

Steve looked at him. "You weren't that wild before because I remember you not letting one girlfriend you brought home get on top."

"I did learn some things that weren't torture," he said dryly.

"Sorry, Bucky."

"It's not something you probably think about. You can't even think about oral sex with your dame without blushing hard."

"Proving it now," Kate agreed with a grin for the duo.

"And yet she'd probably really like that."

Steve cleared his throat. "Yes she does."

"Most women do," Darcy agreed, smiling at them.

"I don't know of any woman who'd turn it down," Kate told her.

"Some women don't like that, it's too intimate. The same as there are actually guys who hate blow jobs. The one I nearly gave one to hated having that much pressure on his dick. Sex was fine, it wasn't as squeezing as sucking is. I've met a few who hated it overall because they thought it was dirty, and a few who hated it because it was too intimate." The guys were staring at her. "Class discussion on sex in a sociology class."

Bucky blinked a few times. "I didn't know they taught that stuff in college."

"That class was on the societal dilemmas of sexual conduct and misconduct, plus the double standards of who and how you should enjoy it. The boys were complaining that women didn't get horny like us so we had to refute it. One of the girls in the class had no idea, she was saving it for marriage, but she admitted she was just repressing it really hard at the moment."

Scott looked at Kate. "Do they teach that at Columbia?"

"I haven't had a sociology class yet. Don't know."

"Let us know," Bucky said. "Please."

"Sure." She looked at Darcy. "How many of the boys were virgins?"

"That's one of the double standards we went over, how guys weren't supposed to be virgins to be considered real men."

"Point. Though I just find them awkward. We had one apply to be on the team and he had a few skills but he had no idea what to do with females on the team or how to deal with the team itself. He hadn't been taught how to deal with people when things got close and hard."

"The best teammates are ones that can just shrug off their teammates usual issues," Steve agreed as he came back. "You have to have some autonomy but you also have to be closer to be able to work together effectively. The Commandos had a 'I'm going for a walk in the woods' code when we got needy on overnight waits."

"I remember a few of those," Bucky agreed. "Wasn't great but if you had to have it to relieve the stress at least it was private enough. Though the time Morita ran into a lost, injured soldier wasn't that fun."

"True," Steve agreed. "That was not a fun night and nearly got us caught by the group we were going after the next day."

"Wow," Kate said. "No history book ever mentioned that."

"No, it probably wouldn't. They didn't get into the minute times," Steve agreed, grinning at her. "There were nights of telling stories and jokes to ease the stress and a few drunk nights to do the same thing."

She reached over to pat his arm. "They'd be proud that you were kicking ass in this time zone too, Steve."

"Yeah, they would be." He patted her hand. "Thanks, Kate."

"Welcome." She grinned at Bucky and he tensed up. That look was a lot like Darcy's evil look. "Are you going to do the charity sexy calendar for the city's rebuilding fund?"

He blinked then moaned. "No!"

Steve spluttered. "There's a what?" he demanded, looking at Darcy.

"I didn't plan it," she defended but was smiling. "It's a charity calendar like the firemen put out with hoses just barely hiding things and suggestive but not filthy pictures. Like a pinup but with guys."

"What ever happened to you doing pinup pictures to get that bloated guy?" Bucky asked her to change the subject.

"Oh, I still am. It's kinda fun being suggestive but not naughty."

Steve stared at her. "You are?"

"Yeah, I are." He scowled. She grinned. "It baited a bad guy, Steve, and it was kind of fun. Nothing's too risque. Just some pinup shots. Nothing that Playboy would want to include."

He swallowed. "They never show that in the media."

"I don't think most people care about that." She looked at her bookshelves then got up to get a book, coming back to let him have it. "That's my portfolio." She got coffee and came back to sit down with her dog again.

Steve and Bucky flipped through it, staring at things. "I'll never look like that, I don't have the breasts for it," Kate said.

"Today's guys are more likely to go for yours than mine because thin but muscled is in," Darcy quipped.

"Still, I can't look like that. I am not an old time screen goddess by any means. A modern goddess but not an old time one." She suddenly smirked at Darcy. "We should send one out to the press so they know you're a pretty face and underestimate you. They keep forgetting you're more than a ditzy assistant sort until you have to open your mouth."

"Some of those are proprietary. Sorry, kiddo."

"Damn. Maybe a calendar of your own? You can brag during a meeting and make Stark choke."

Darcy smirked very evilly. "Who said I'd have to do that on my own?" Kate moaned. Both guys stiffened up. Scott was trying not to look at the pictures, just be an unobtrusive guard at the moment since he was half asleep. She grabbed her laptop to look that up and let Kate see the proofs she had been sent of her page of the calendar.

Kate drooled then wiped it off. "Damn." She let the old guys see it.

Steve looked at it then at her. "When does that calendar come out?"

"Holidays." She smiled. "Sharon would look kick ass as one of us."

"I...she's a bit skinny but maybe." He looked at it then at the pictures again, putting them down. "I'm going to call her to let her know there is one. Maybe she'd like to model some for me."

"Stark would probably let you borrow his cars," Kate quipped. "So she could pose on a hood."

"There's one I don't have that's a kickass shot of stretched across the hood of a '38 Phantom like I'm cleaning the dust off. I'm wearing a black tux jacket that shows off the boobs very well and a short skirt. Not very showy but suggestive. I really liked it."

Bucky put the things down and walked off, going to use Darcy's bathroom. It was her fault so he could borrow her bathroom.

The girls grinned at each other and Kate nudged Scott. "Bedroom, big guy." She pointed. "Has a bed and everything." He nodded, going in there to nap. "Do you have any of the outfits here?"

"Yeah. I have a shoot in two days," she admitted. "I really have to hit the gym. I've been slacking off again." She went to find the outfit and check it over. "Yeah, no stains or wrinkles, Kate."

She came in to look. "That's sweet. Very old fashioned but flirty."

"Yeah, that's the greatest thing about pinups. They were flirty, not slutty." She pulled her other one out. "I bought this one. I was going to do some for myself and put them on my computer as a background."

"Try that on," she demanded. "I wanna see."

"Sure. Bucky, I'm changing clothes," she called. "Don't come out."

"Need another five minutes anyway," he called.

"Okay. Just don't leave a mess." She changed and came out of the bedroom adjusting a strap then pulling back her hair into a ponytail. "I was thinking against the bookshelves or something." She posed. "Here?"

Kate looked, trying not to drool. "Over. Let the colored books surround you."

"It's black and white mostly." She looked and shifted down. "Here? I was worried about sun glare."

Steve walked out and looked then sighed. "Damn it."

"I'm doing one of my own to put up as my backgrounds, Steve."

He looked at her. "Sit sideways in the chair, legs up and crossed?" he suggested. She did that and he nodded, taking a picture with his phone to show her. "That's cute."

"I'm too old to be cute, Steve. I'm not Emma." He gave her a dirty look. "I am!"

"No you're not because I'm not too old to be cute yet." He sent that picture to Sharon, who sent back a whistle. "She sent back a wolf whistle so clearly less than cute and more hot."

"She should be in the kitchen with a pan of cookies," Kate said. Darcy went to test out poses in there. There was the 'taking stuff out of the oven' pose and the 'leaning on the counter' pose. Bucky came out during that and stared. "You need a stool or it's just a boob shot. Bucky, what do you think? In there or against the bookshelves?"

He stared at her. "I think you're going to make me paddle you for that," he told her.

"I think she should have one with her tazer and phone but with books around her," Scott called. "On the floor so she's surrounded by her favorite things, with a hint of chocolate on her lips."

"Actually that's not a bad idea," Darcy said. "I'll see if Mickey will do that for me." She went to change back. She came out pulling down her hair. "I nearly got the red outfit but it was too dark and I didn't want to look like I was goth. I tried a few goth test shots but they thought I was too vampy and not victorian enough."

"You're going to be the death of Stark some year soon," Steve said. "Because he's going to flip his mind over those."

"Or I could clue Pepper in and let her tease him with them," Darcy said with a grin. She sent her an email with her chosen picture for the calendar. Pepper sent back a groan and a 'good job, very tasteful' back. Stark sent back an 'I did not want to see you doing that!' complaint but oh well. Darcy's reminder back that she hadn't wanted to see him in Playgirl either but she had and hers was way more tasteful than his had been. Pepper was clearly laughing since hers had double key stutters back that Stark was now mumbling and sulking. Darcy pointed out she could easily make him feel better, it'd do the world a favor since he had that press conference scheduled in two days about his new energy research. She had gone over Jane's speech for her for it. Pepper sent back a smiley face. "Pepper's going to help him with his speech in two days." She put her phone down.

Kate looked at her own twitter feed. "Someone wanted to know what I think about the butt shot queen's latest one." She sighed and typed in 'if that's all she wants to be known for, go for it, but I want to be known for more than how perky my butt is. The world needs both kinds of women'. "Sometimes I don't want to be female positive."

"Call a ho a ho and remind them there's help to get out of being a ho," Darcy agreed. "But maybe she'll do good for other women some day."

"There's always hope. Or the next time Loki invades he does it in LA."

"Hmm. Lots of bodyguards, plenty of people with guns, gang kids," Darcy said. "Military's about an hour away from LA in case of real emergency. No Avengers, no SHIELD base anymore. I'd hate to see that near my parents' graves but long as he doesn't take out any famous landmarks?" She shifted to cross her feet. "Though they really do need to make a different evac plan for those with money and those who'll have to drive. The airport's too far out of downtown and traffic's so bad out there sometimes it's at a standstill on regular days. So they need to encourage the rich to go one way and the normal folks to go another so more can get away. Suggest that to Hill, Katie."

"I can do that. It makes sense. Here we have a lot of bridges that they close in case of emergency."

"Or you're trapped underground in the subway," Darcy agreed. "I did that one night and helped a guy who had been stabbed in the liver."

Kate shook her head.

"Natasha still doesn't remember it being you she handed her med pack over to," Steve told her. "But she said she was focused on getting back up there." His phone beeped with a text message. "Stark said you're too evil and you had better be curing that before you come back to work before his mother comes back from the dead to help you."

She smiled. "If you want to help me cure this evil mood, we can do that." She grinned at his blush. "But I don't like to touch taken things."

"Touching stolen property is a crime," Kate agreed. "Vases, paintings, cars, or dicks, all the same."

Steve looked at her. "Did you get that from someone?"

"My mom."

"I got it from her," Darcy agreed with a grin.

"So the warping goes both ways. That's great," Steve said with a smirk as he typed that in to Stark. "He suggested you go break up Clint and his ex-wife to get between them."

"Again, that would be taken, and I'm not a ho," Darcy said. She took the phone, looking at it. "That's Stark's backup number for the phone in the lab." She sent that message set to Pepper to see if it had been Stark. Pepper said it hadn't been and she went to figure out who it was. She sent a note a few minutes later that Maria Hill had her minion well in claw and he was very sorry now. Even fangirling over Darcy was going to get in the way of his job. She sent back a 'thank you' before handing the phone back.

Steve shook his head. "Some day all this madness will stop."

"We'll be your age by then," Darcy said.

"Hopefully the physical age instead of the actual one, but I'm not holding out hope," Kate agreed. "There's way too much stupid out there." She shifted to curl up in her corner of the couch. "By then we might have an alien overlord to try to force the stupid to stop but we'd just import it into his castle while we fought against him in a resistance movement."

"For some reason I just got the flash of you blowing up someone as a bomber," Steve said with a frown for her. "We'd help."

"Steve, they'd take out your team first, dear," Darcy reminded him. "The younger Avengers might get to hide but you and Tony, Thor, and Clint would be toast while Natasha could probably survive the nuclear holocaust."

He blinked at her. "I have the same serum."

"She's better at surviving," Bucky agreed as he came back out. "If you survived I'd have to haunt you before you did something stupid to follow me to that side."

"Where Bucky would nag you for eternity for that stupid thing you did," Kate quipped with a grin for those two.

Bucky nodded. "Probably," he agreed. He looked at the napping dogs then at Darcy. "Anything else you're going to deal with tonight that'll send me or Steve to a mental hell of thinking about you and sex?"

"I'm very sexy," she defended, scowling at him.

"Didn't say you weren't," he shot back. "Didn't think this was the time to have to whack off to you though."

She smiled. "Aww, thank you!" She smirked at him and Steve. "I'll try to be good."

"Uh-huh," Steve said. "Please do. My girlfriend's out of the city right now so I can't even go use your dirty thoughts to tease her."

"Sorry, Steve."


"Not apologizing to me?" Bucky asked.

She grinned. "They told me to give you more sexual thoughts. That you were avoiding them."

"Not likely. The dame last week didn't think so. I'm just subtle."

"Subtle can be good," Darcy agreed. "Not something I totally mastered but good. That's one of those adulting things I missed. That and not flirting while drunk." She shifted to sit crossways in the chair. "I used to flirt horribly with Thor when Jane and I were drunk. Once I caught him sleeping on the couch as we stumbled in so I took some of the neighbor kid's matchbox cars and used his abs as a road. He wasn't amused to wake up to vroom vroom noises as I pushed them around the neighborhoods his abs created but then grumbled at least I hadn't drawn houses. Jane saved his manly modesty and abs from that. Then Jane pounced him and made him beg for mercy."

Steve was laughing so hard he was nearly crying, shaking his head. "I can see you doing that!" he laughed.

Bucky was squeezing his eyes shut, shaking his head. "Thankfully you never tried that with me." Steve was texting Thor. "Getting confirmation?"

"Having him tell that story to distract Stark." He grinned at Bucky. "It'll give him another target to pick on instead of us."

"Jane took phone video," Darcy said with a grin.

Steve added that at the end. He wanted to see that film.


Uptown, Stark looked at Thor when his phone rang and he looked at the text message then burst out laughing. "What? Share with the group, Thor."

Thor shared with Jane, who groaned and held her face with her hands. "Oh my god, she would bring that up." She looked at Thor.

"You have video of that?"

"It was cute!"

"Possibly," he agreed. "Go ahead and show them, Jane. They may like that goofy moment in London."

She got into her phone, which was ancient enough to make Stark cringe and declare he needed to hire an archeologist to deal with that relic. "FRIDAY, can you get into this video and show it?" she requested.

The tv in the room popped up with a video of a very drunk Darcy and Jane wobbling into an apartment like it was a sitcom. They were both wearing less than skimpy clothes and looked like they were halfway to sorority sister drunk. The video, which had been selfies before, turned on the napping, half naked Thor on the couch. They saw Darcy move to the side of the screen and then come back into the apartment with a few little toy cars. She flopped down beside Thor's side and moved the matchbox cars around his abs. "Vroom vroom goes all the kids on their way home from suburban mom kid-avoidance times. Home to their lawns and parents and labrador retrievers. All the happy prozac moms doing prozac mom things with their kids they only had to say they had them."

"What are you doing?" Thor demanded before he opened his eyes.

"Taking advantage of the neighborhood," she said with a grin. "You nicely have a laid out planned community here, Thor, and all the little pod people are going home to their ranch houses with outdated basements and labradors. They're taking their kids from soccer mom sports so they have to prove they have good wife skills again."

"How do you know it's not a city?" Jane asked.

"They're not hard enough to be asphalt, the city's never that regular, and there's no buildings. No one's drawn them yet anyway but he's got a yard that is clearly mowed and that's suburbs not cityscape, Jane." She grinned up at her. "Since he mows those neighborhoods they have to be suburbs because there's no grass in the cities."

Thor sat up and picked up Darcy to move her out of his way then stood up. "You must rest before the alcohol kills your mind, Lady Darcy." He looked at his beloved. "Bed, Jane? You should rest so you can science in the morning with Lady Darcy."

She ran a hand over his abs. "You do mow your neighborhoods very well," she said with a smirk up at him.

"Nay, I have never had grass there," he said, picking Jane up and taking her to their room. "Goodnight, Lady Darcy. Sleep well."

"You two too, big guy. Have Jane wash your neighborhoods for you so she can shut down the strip clubs in the next area over." She waved at the door then reached over to shut off Jane's phone she had laid down so she could rest on her couch/bed.

Thor shook his head with a sigh, looking at the others as the video ended. "It took me a week to figure out what she meant."

"Plenty of people manscape, Thor," Pepper said through her giggles. "Though that was so cute."

"Nay, I have not hair there," he said dryly.

"That sucks, I have to shave some of mine," Stark complained. He looked at Pepper.

"You don't have the neighborhoods he has, Tony," she said, patting him on the wrist. He pouted so she kissed him. "Behave."

"We should put that out there so they think Darcy's just goofy again."

"Better than the one of Darcy doing her best Marilyn Monroe impersonation at Culver," Jane said dryly. "For someone's birthday party."

"It's nice she's kept most of her dirty incidents off the web," Pepper said. Jane found that one via google and put it up. Pepper giggled at her overacting and funny routine. "That's cute."

Thor nodded. "Quite." He looked at Jane. "If she does not mind, I do not mind her being embarrassed by that video." Jane grinned, uploading that one to the Avengers youtube fandom page. Stark shook his head, sipping his coffee.

Bruce came in adjusting his shirt. "What's going on?" Jane let Bruce see that video and he giggled as he headed into the kitchen. "Darcy's a kick."

"She needs more goofy time," Stark decided. "She said she wanted to go on college kid spring break again. So we should find a way to get her there," he told Pepper, who patted his shoulder. "There's places she can go to be drunk and goofy and get laid."

"She's too uptight and tense for that probably," Jane said. "She'd have to go somewhere to get party happy first. She's turning into an adult again, Stark."

"Clearly. Do we have other goofy videos of Darcy?"

"I have her doing an imaginary striptease one night to keep in practice in case she ever gets a real boyfriend. She was too drunk to sing, she could only hum, and she kept tripping over her toes. She said her toes were in the way."

"Nah," Stark said. He looked at the comments the new videos were getting. "A lot of comments about boys needing neighborhoods like those. A few bragging they had those sort of neighborhoods but the cars were too big so they had to get special, hybrid ones." He answered one of those about a matchbox prius being too tiny to see. "One complaining that Darcy dissed soccer moms. Or two maybe. The other one's not in good english." Pepper took his phone to put down on him. "Fine." He cuddled her instead.

Thor cuddled Jane as well and they put in a movie to relax to and hide with.


Back in Bed-Stuy Kate looked at her phone's alert. "Some reporter wanted to know about you and that video, Darcy."

Darcy looked then sighed and answered from her own account. "2 for 1 margarita night, people. This is why tequila is bad for you." She sent it after linking to that comment.

Kate laughed. "Seriously?"

"Yup. Four hours of margaritas. Many too many margaritas. I had a hangover for three days."

"I'll stick with girly, fruity drinks then," Kate decided. "Those usually have rum."

"Rum is nicer to your body," Darcy agreed.

"You girls are goofy," Steve said. They grinned at him.

"Vodka's stronger but easier to hide," Bucky told them.

"Plenty of mixed drinks have vodka," Darcy agreed. "Or if you ask, Natasha usually has a good bottle stashed in her freezer."

"I'll have to remember that. You two should go rest. Take the dogs with you." They sighed but went to talk on the bed for a bit. He looked at Steve. Who was shaking his head. They could handle goofy young women.

You must login (register) to review.