The Bringer of New Horrors. by voracity

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Xander finally found his home, after two days in Hawaii. The first two days had been spent with an agent, who was sneering at him. Xander had made his few hours of taunting miserable. Then the other agents had decided to stop him and let Xander go find his house. Thankfully his shipping people had unpacked for him too so his truck was waiting for him at the airport with printed directions to the house. He hadn't gotten to see it when he bought it. The realtor had a lot of pictures and had done a video tour of the lands for him. He found it fairly easily, after six wrong turns, and parked. He got out and looked around.

Three bedrooms, two baths, one food storage semi-cellar. An outbuilding for mowers and the like. One goat that was 'mowing' for him for some reason. He went to check on it, petting it when it headbutted him in a friendly manner. His lands were marked with a fence so he knew how much gardening room he had. He was on the wetter side of the Big Island so he could grow almost any vegetable he wanted. Not that he really liked them but it'd be fine. He looked around and sighed but nodded. "I didn't even buy the hippie commune," he told the goat, who went back to eating the grass. "Yeah, I can start with growing things tomorrow. You have a good lunch, Mr. Goaty." He walked up, going to let himself into his house. The key didn't work but someone was inside. "Did I go to the wrong house?" he asked, going back to his truck to pull out his directions. "I'm moving here, ma'am."

She smiled. "We wondered who was moving in. Two more driveways up, young man."

"Oh, I'm Xander." He grinned and shook her hand. "Sorry about that and petting your goat."

"It's fine. She's a good goat. There's a service so you don't have buy a lawnmower and have it shipped out."

"I think I have a small tractor I had packed. I had a small private farm for my own sanity in the midwest before I moved. Is it a good time to start a new garden?"

"Yes, we have year-round growing around here, Xander."

He grinned. "Thanks. Have a nice day and sorry I got it wrong again." She laughed, letting him drive off. He found his driveway. The house wasn't in as good of shape as the pictures had shown. The paint was a lot more dim, a bit more cracked. The lawn looked smaller. He called his realtor. "Can you come make sure I'm at the right place? I could've sworn I had an acre and a half and if I'm in the right place my fences are nearly at the house's line." She said she'd be there in a few minutes. He waited. He waved at the person watching from the nearby house. She came out and looked then pointed. He followed her to his house. It was still pretty beat up. He could fix that though. "Oh! Cool! I was hoping it wasn't the one I was parked by. I mistook the one with the spanish tiles at first too."

She smiled and shook his hand. "How did you get lost if you already have your vehicle?"

"I had them leave it at the airport for me with printed directions."

She looked and wrote out better ones. "Go ahead and try your key just to make sure." He did that and waved. "Good boy, Mr. Harris, and welcome to Hawaii." He grinned and bounded back to hug her before running inside. She went back to her car, chuckling at the young man. She loved making people happy. She flinched at the sound of a shot but he threw a rat out and she nodded. He could handle it she was sure. She went back to the office to make note. Someone had tried to stop the sale but they had been blocked. It wasn't her business why. He seemed very nice. No matter what you saw of him on the news.

***

Xander almost felt it when Steve came home. He sighed. That was going to suck. He was meditating and calmly relaxing. Yesterday had been a bad date with an idiot arms dealer. And someone who looked a shitload like Spike had spooked him until he had proven he wasn't a vampire by nearly staking him. The arms dealer he had been on the date with was horrified and apologized for him but Xander telling him he looked exactly like a vampire he had to fight a few times made the guy laugh and say it was his grandfather and to say hi.

So Xander had escaped his date before he decided to do something stupid around him. And stopped him from trying to set his house on fire. The local police station was very friendly when they found out he was an arms dealer. They didn't mind him shooting him with a shotgun at all. Xander concentrated on the present moment instead of last night, clearing his mind. He felt it when Steve and Danny met and smiled. They could do good together.

***

Steve looked at the short, loud, blond man in front of him. "Did Xander come visit you?" he asked once they were both back at a casually intolerant state. The guy was an officer, he remembered that much, and the yelling 'freeze, Honolulu PD' proved it.

"Goofy kid out of his body? Yeah. You?" he asked. "I noticed the glow."

"Yeah. He did help me a few times." He stared at him. "That's so weird. He said I'd find someone I could work with." The other guy smirked. "I know who did it. They called."

"We can handle that."

"Good." He held out a hand. "Steve."

"Danny." He shook it. "Is the goofball all right?"

"Yeah, he got told to move somewhere out here by some higher level beings. We can find him later."

"I can find him through the DMV or something." Steve nodded that was fine. They went back into the house to look at the mess.

***

Danny found Xander's address and went to talk to him. Xander's front door was open, which wasn't all that unusual out here. "Kid?" he called.

"Kitchen. Like coffee or tea?"

"Coffee, sugar please." He headed toward the back of the house. He stared at the young man. "You look more healthy."

"I try." He handed him a cup of coffee with a grin. "Sugar's on the table." He put some in the takeout cup and sipped it with a nod of pleasure. "What's up?"

"Are you causing problems?"

"It's not my fault that people with questionable jobs like to date me. I only draw the deadly and dangerous." He grinned.

Danny shook his head. "You were right about Stan." Xander smiled. "Any other head's up coming?"

"Not that I've seen recently. If so, I'd let you know." Danny handed over a card with his cellphone number on it. Xander tucked it into his wallet. "I have a few spare rooms if you need to use them."

"Thanks. I might if the family comes out to visit with me and Gracie. Is she going to be okay?"

"Yeah. She might be the average teenager but you knew that back in Jersey."

"True."

"She'll have friends and fun and be a girl. Mostly a safer girl. You've got friends who'll watch over her if something happens."

"That's great. Thanks." He stared at him. "Are you hiding out here?"

"Actually, today I'm studying magic. I've got to do two spells to take out a huge demon that's bothering a national park area."

"Great." He shook his head with a sigh then looked at the kid again. "Let us know if you have those sort of problems and they're going to get big."

"I always try to keep them out of notice unless I warn first."

"Good." He patted him on the arm. "You're too skinny. Don't make someone nag. I can let my daughter do that."

Xander grinned. "I'm fine, Danny. Really. It's all muscle."

"You sure? You look pale. That's not natural on this ball of sun island."

"Hunters tend to work at night."

"Point. All right. You call the next time something huge is going on."

"You do the same if you need my help." He wrote down his number and handed it over with a grin. "You've already run into one of my past dates."

"Is his name Steve and he's a SEAL?" he asked dryly.

"I could've crushed but no. Only the deadly and dangerous are drawn to me. He's only dangerous in certain situations."

"Uh-huh." He patted him on the arm and added more coffee to his cup. "Just let us know, kid." He left, going to talk to Steve. Having Xander there could be good or bad. Or both really if he kept dating.

***

Steve forgot about Xander until he needed his help with a problem. Then Danny jogged his memory. He got his number then decided to go visiting. Xander was outside town but not too far. He parked in the driveway and got out, heading to where he could see a person in the yard fussing with some plants. He stared at him. Slightly pale skin underneath the tan. Too skinny. He cleared his throat, making Xander blink back at hm. "Did it come back?"

"What?" He finished picking lunch and stood up to stare at him. "What's up?"

"When did it come back, Xander?"

"It was regrowing when I was in Colorado helping the general. Shit sucks and the treatment's even worse." He walked over. "What sort of help do you need, Steve?"

"You..."

"Shut up," Xander warned, staring at him. "I'm still taking down bigger demons than you ever want to think about all by myself. I'm not helpless and I'm damn sure I can bust something if I have to. Did last week, didn't someone tell you?"

"Danny mentioned it this morning," he said, staring at him. "I might need to hide someone."

"Okay. I have a few spare rooms, including a storm safe room." He grinned. "Any other favors you need?" He walked off. "I'm starting on a stir fry for lunch."

Steve followed him. "Why doesn't anyone know?"

"Why would anyone care?" he asked. He looked at him. "I told Tony, he said it sucked huge, which it does, and told someone so they could start me on better treatments. This time I probably won't end up in coma."

"Are they treating it or just humoring it?" Steve asked.

Xander shrugged. "As far I know they said it's shrinking."

He stared at the kid. "If you had told me I would've come to visit before then."

Xander stared at him. "You have a life, Steve. You need to live your life and do your Steve things. I'm an extra hand you may need sometime but I'm not your best friend."

"I still wanted to know."

"And yet, you haven't even emailed." He gave him a pointed look before bringing down the cutting board and knife. "If whoever needs it, let me know at least a few minutes in advance so I can move some stuff in there for food and water." He looked back at the staring man. "What?"

"It's not that simple. I deal with some huge problems."

Xander nodded. "I dated a few of those." He stared at something then moved to rinse it off.

"You do those under running water or the silt just gathers again," Steve said quietly. Xander grinned at him. "You could have popped around."

"I'm not that sort of guy, Steve. I don't show up and expect people to put up with me unless it's a battle." He looked at him. "Then you would've seen me pushing you out of the way."

"That might work." He sighed. "How many more treatments?" Xander shrugged. "They didn't say?"

"No. They're doing another scan in a few weeks. I'm on an off-treatment time right now. I start a new run right after the scan." He finished rinsing things and moved back to his cutting board. "I have supplies I can put in there, including weapons."

"Thanks but if you have artillery on my island I'm going to complain."

Xander shot him a dirty look. "Yay. It's keeping me from being kidnaped by one of the bad boys who think you're a pretty game too. Oh, hey, mention my name in front of that guy Cramyans. Watch him have a seizure."

"I can do that. I'll call if I have to bring someone out. We'll talk soon?"

"Sure if you want. I'm usually here unless I'm out hunting something." He shrugged. "There's been a few bigger problems but nothing too huge. Just don't get my house shot up, Steve. I put in bulletproof insulation but still."

"I can try to do that. Thanks for protecting someone for us."

"Not a problem. Want lunch?"

"Nah. I've got to get back to Danny complaining. You were right, we work pretty well together." Xander smiled. He left, going back to the office. On the way he suddenly pulled over and called DiNozzo because he could get to others who might want to know about Xander's health. "Tony, Steve McGarrett. Yes, long time no hear. Did you talk to Xander recently? He's acting like an old woman who's lived a full life. Yeah, I think he's resigned. I don't know, Tony. I'm not even sure if I should let him help if we run into a demonic problem. He's really skinny too.

"I think he's decided we've all gotten our uses out of him or something. Yeah, thanks. No, he said he found out after the battle in Colorado. So he waited four months to tell anyone? I'd like to smack him for that. Sure. Let me know please. We're in the middle of a case but I'm sure you know how that goes. I am, he was right. Thanks, DiNozzo." He hung up and pulled back into traffic, going back to the office. He walked in and stared at Danny. "Have you seen him recently?"

He sat up, putting his feet down. "No, why?" He looked worried. "He sick or something?"

"Again." Danny winced. "He didn't even request someone looking at it for four months."

"Shit."

"But he'll allow us to use his safe storm room if we need it or he'll come help with demon things. If I allow it."

"He's the sort like you are. He'll push you out of the way and do it anyway."

"He's seriously skinny, Danny. I'm not sure if he's going to get better this time."

"Relapses are harder," he agreed. "More deadly too. We can go talk to him after all this is done with."

"He also said to mention his name in front of the guy that sneered at you, he'd have a seizure."

Danny grinned. "I'd like film of that. He told me he only draws deadly and dangerous sort, and said you're only that way situationally so he'd never draw someone as nice as you."

"I'm plenty dangerous and deadly but only when I have to be. If he's dating people like Cramyans, he's into shitbags. We need to set him up with someone."

"We shouldn't because that could hurt his chances of recovery," Danny said more quietly. "Dating's hard enough when you have a problem. Being in treatment would make people run and it'll bring down his hope. You need it to survive."

"Yeah, I guess." He ran a hand over his face. "Okay, we have a safe spot."

"I'll remember that if I have to hide Gracie too."

"He probably would and pointed out he could hand them weapons too. We need to make sure he doesn't have artillery. His answer to my reminder he couldn't have any was 'yay'."

Danny burst out laughing. "Sounds like the kid, yeah."

"He's nearly twenty-five."

"Which is still a kid."

"Point. Thanks." He went to tell the others that they may have a safe spot if they needed it. Xander wouldn't discount Kono for being a woman. He'd expect her to kick ass, like most of the ones he used to work with could. He felt someone watching and casually looked around. Cordelia phased into view. "What's up?"

"The dork's being all stoicy. Again."

"Should we nark on him?" Danny asked, coming out. "I saw you the last time I meditated. You were nagging someone else."

"I'm Cordelia, the messenger for the PTB." She smirked at him. "You're just nosy." She looked at Steve, nodding. "Yeah, get the pretty doctor to look at him again. The local docs gave up hope, that's why he told anyone." She looked at Kono. "You're badass enough for him to flirt with but he's a dork. Great in bed but a dork. So much nerdy times." She shook her head. "But really good in bed." She looked at Danny and Steve. "And not picky." She left.

"I think that was a hint," Kono said, shaking her head. "That's so weird."

"Weird is our safe room contact used to date her," Steve said. "Very weird things." He went to find O'Neill's number. He got his assistant. "Is the general busy? Steve McGarrett, SEAL. We worked together on a project once. No, it's something about that project." O'Neill came on a minute later with someone else. "General, It's Lieutenant Commander McGarrett. Yes, sir, him. No, but I just saw that same messenger who nags Xander. Yes, Cordelia. She said to have the pretty doctor look him over again. Because it came back, sir.

"Apparently he only told DiNozzo when the local docs had no idea. Yeah, he's out here in Hawaii. Thank you, General. He didn't look good. Too skinny, kind of pale. Yeah, all that. I have no idea if they redosed him," he admitted. "He didn't mention it when he said he was still able to take down large demonic menaces to my island. Thank you, General." He hung up and walked out there. "He'll have someone check on him," he told Danny.

"Probably a good idea. He was on the news yesterday for fighting off something trying to eat a few hikers."

"Great," Steve complained. "Any reaction from the locals or non-locals?"

"A lot of thanking the Old Ones that he was there," Chin said. "You know that guy?"

"Yeah, that's Xander. He helped me and Danny both at one time."

"Wow," Chin said. "Small world."

That same messenger told him to move out there," Steve said. "Right before some militia wannabes burned out his farm."

"I saw that on the news," Kono said. "He looked harder then."

"He's in the middle of getting a tumor treated," Danny said. "For the second time." Both cousins winced. "Yeah, he's fighting hard."

"But he has the bad habit of dating arms dealers," Steve quipped. "And he really likes artillery." Kono groaned, staring at him.

"He said Steve's only situationally dangerous and deadly so not his type," Danny quipped.

"Yeah, I'll let him flirt and then see if he'll tell me how deadly I can be," Kono said.

"He's a nice guy," Steve told her. "About twenty-five. Does construction stuff." She nodded at that. "He has a nice little farm too. He's not too sweet and nice, Kono."

"I saw that on a few films the news ran to show who he was."

"He's a soldier without the service," Danny agreed. "I'm hoping he pulls through. I want him to someday threaten Gracie's boyfriends. He'll do it better than I could."

Steve grinned at him. "Really?"

"I'd use you but you'd be more fluffy than the kid is." He walked off.

"I'm not fluffy!"

Kono laughed. "Maybe next to the kid you are." She walked off giggling. Chin was shaking his head but trying not to smile.

"No, I'm definitely less fluffy than he is," Steve complained. He went to get into his paperwork nightmare. It had to be done and if he didn't get it done he couldn't go home.

***

Xander looked up from laying on the couch when a twinkling started. "Hey, Doc," he said with a weak wave. "What's up?"

"I'm not a bunny, Mr. Harris," she joked. "The general wanted me to look you over."

"They're doing the best they can."

"You're in treatments?"

"I'm starting a new series in a few weeks. After the next scan. Right now I'm thinking about a healing spell but it could mean that I end up planted in my garden as a vegetable. Speaking of, if I go, tell McGarrett to go search near the carrots. I put up a small secondary safe area for storms under them."

"You're sure you're dying?"

"No but I have a will. I did before I went into the hospital last time, Doc. I'm a practical guy."

"Good. Giving up hope means you don't heal."

He stared at her. "Doc, this is my second brain tumor," he said. "Do you really think they're going to fully fix it? Do you know the statistics on that?"

"No but I'm sure it's rare." She pulled out a scanner to run over him. "You're not in bad shape."

"I try. Right now it's siesta time but I do try to stay in shape for hunting and gardening." She gave him a dirty look then went back to her scans, grimacing around his liver. "Is that liver damage from stuff or is it spreading?" he asked.

"I think it's liver damage but it's not reading why." Xander patted his chest, taking off something that looked like a crystal necklace. "Oh, now it is. Were they doing radiation treatments?"

"No. That's from where I grew up, Doc. That's the Sunnydale hellmouth reminding me it loves me."

She grimaced. "That's weird. We had someone go study it and come back walking dead but nibbly."

"Yeah, vampires are majorly drawn to that hellmouth. The most usual in town you can stake or behead, or sunlight them to dust."

"Good to know. Did you hunt them?"

"Yeah. Every single night most of the time. For almost four years." She slumped. "My team never went after the harmless sorts but vampires are a menace like roaches. We stomped on them."

"Good point." She ran the scans again to compare them. "That sucks," she decided. He grinned. "It's not that good of news."

"Which is what they told me and why I needed new scans. That's why I was thinking about that healing spell."

"Will it dissolve the tumors?"

"It'll rip them out," Xander said. "Basically teleporting them out of my body."

"I hadn't thought about using it that way," she muttered. "It might cause bleeding," she told him more loudly.

"Probably. It was a spell to get a stuck kid out during birth. I'm pretty sure bleeding would be caused and that's why there's the warning about turning into a turnip." She scowled. "Sorry, I need some humor these days."

"You need to eat more."

"I can't keep it down." She grimaced. "So what's wrong with my liver? Another tumor?"

"No. Looks like radiation damage." He nodded once. "The brain tumor appears to be not growing."

"That's good."

"But I don't think it's shrank any either." He grimaced but nodded. "We don't have things to help you remove it."

"That's what I figured. I don't know who narked to the general though."

Cordelia faded in, wearing a huge grin. "I did." Xander frowned at her. "Because you need it. If you do that spell alone, you'll die." He nodded once. "You can manage it with help, but that would be pretty intimate. Though you've prepped some people who could help you if you *asked*."

"I'm not going to draw anyone else into my f-ed up world, Cordelia. We did it to you and Oz. And Amy. Was it worth it?"

She stared at him. "Sometimes it was. Not always but sometimes. The world has to keep moving on."

"Yeah and there's probably other hunters if I fall," he told her.

"Nope." She shook her head. "The higher ups have taken them *all* out. Every last one. You are the last."

"And I can't have kids thanks to the mermaid taint and the chemo," he shot back.

"They know that." He rolled his eyes. "They're *majorly* upset that you tipped their playing board over, Xander. Congrats! Higher powers hate you." She smiled.

"They can come suck me," he told her. "Really." She snorted but looked amused. "You know I could go show them why they need the hunters. With only two slayers, is there going to be enough next year? O'Neill's people are going to be busy from what I've seen. So will most everyone else." He pulled over his phone to get into a file, giving it to the doctor. Cordelia looked and winced. "I guess that's one way to get their balance," he said dryly. "If there's no one to challenge either side."

"Shit," Cordelia muttered. She took the phone to look at then sighed. "Totally a Double Meat Palace burger dump." She handed it back. "Send that on?"

"I did. Gunn's got a copy, so does Wes's email. They can spread it. I sent a copy to DiNozzo so he can spread it around to those who can handle it if I'm not there." He stared at her. "Which I probably will be. I saw myself there. I looked like hell but I was there."

"That's probably how you die," she said.

He shrugged. "Then it's worthwhile. Death isn't scary. Nearly been there and done that. I might make it to ascended status but that doesn't mean I'll let those sort stop me from doing anything. They can gang up on me and still blow me." Cordelia gaped in horror at him. He grinned. "What're they going to do, tie me somewhere?" He grinned. "There's a way around that called reincarnation. I can do that too." Cordelia shivered. "If they really want humanity to end so they can have their perfect balance they can start by taking me out."

"Don't offer, they will," Cordelia said. "The treatments won't work. Or that spell." Xander smirked at her. "Oh, dear. What?"

"Oh don't worry. You're not going to be affected, dear." She shivered, hugging herself as she floated backwards away from him. He smiled at the doc. "So, Doc, how bad am I looking?"

"Really warped," she said.

He grinned. "Thanks, Doc. It's my favorite state. Someone really should remember I'm the stubborn sort." She looked at Cordelia, who nodded and faded out. He grinned at her. "Now that the nosy sort is gone, is the treatment working?"

"I can't tell. We can try something to remove it."

"If I go down into surgery they're going to not let me come back up. There's demons they can send to those who are stuck in our bodies like when we're under anesthesia. I'd hate to have to beat them but I won't have any weapons."

"I'll see what I can do. Can I get your current records?" He nodded, signing the release form she had. "Thank you, Mr. Harris. I'll let the general know that things are going to be horrific in a few years."

"Next year," he corrected. "About spring break too."

"I can let him know that. You'll see me in a few days." She got beamed back to the base and went to call the general first, telling him about that prophecy. And what Harris was planning on doing. The kid reminded her a lot of Jack. It was an unfortunate similarity in this case.

***

Tony DiNozzo was humming as he walked into the Pentagon and got admitted up to an office upstairs. He walked past the secretary with a smile and a badge wave. "Homeworld Security business." He shot him a look. "And don't you dare report to your brother." He knocked on the door and walked in at the grunt. "General!" He kicked the door shut and put the email from Xander in front of him.

Jack read it. "I thought Dr. Lam's version was the cause of my heartburn," he said, looking up. "How and when? He said something about spring break next year but I wasn't sure if they were connected by how he told her."

"By that time code, that's April. So we'll have them back to back." He handed over the spring break one with a grin. "Sacrificing virgins. Not that I think there's a ton of them drinking at spring break events."

"Fuck," Jack muttered as he read it over. He looked up. "This totally sucks."

"Yes it does," Tony agreed with a grin and a nod. "Any word on his tumor?"

"Doctor Lam doesn't think we can do much more than they're doing for him since he doesn't want surgery due to interfering higher powers."

"I've seen Cordelia once or twice. Last time she was helping Abby pick out a dress while Gibbs spluttered in a corner because the higher ups hate him for reducing the problem solving people we have. The little problem we solved stopped a created-by-them surge in protectors in a few years."

"Can't they do it now?" Jack demanded.

"How many bad things are going to need seventy or more slayers?" Tony asked. Jack winced. "Originally they'd do that one and solve it then Buffy would take on a hell goddess and sort of win posthumously but Rosenburg would bring her back which would start off a huge problem that would get most of the future slayers and all their Council people killed, but we'd have about thirty slayers that made it through, who then would've been partially whittled down by that invasion."

"We stopped the chain," Jack O'Neill said. "And I'm glad we did."

"Yup, but now we've got to move around their plans. They've been taking out hunters. We're down to a few and Xander, and he's probably going to be dying at one of those two events because he's weakened by the return of the cancer."

"And radiation damage," O'Neill told him. "That hole out there filled him full of radiation."

"Oh, that's sweet," Tony quipped sarcastically. "How nice of it. I know he talked about radiation sickness."

"Yup," Jack agreed. "I'm guessing they can't get to Hawaii?"

"Don't know," Tony admitted. "Cordelia could. I'm wondering if Hawaii was an attempt to take him out easier. Something out there made it start growing again."

"Doctor Lam caught it after the battle in Colorado and told him. He tried the normal docs for four months before he called."

Tony grimaced. "That figures. So what do we do?"

"Right now I go home and get shitfaced drunk with my former team," O'Neill said with a smile. "You should do the same."

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure Gibbs is going to join me in that." He looked out the window. "Sniper." O'Neill called that in and they got the guy. He looked at the general again. "Want me to take it upstairs?"

"Yeah, go ahead. He'll scream at me because his daughter's wedding is driving him nuts."

"Okay." He took the files back once Jack had copied them. "Happy drinking, let us know when we can help."

"I will. I'll yelp louder than a greenie on his first break from boot camp in a dirty club." Tony grinned, heading upstairs. Jack started to call around. "Mitchell, bring my team to my cabin later to go drinking. You too. No, it's a we need a drunk plan to save humanity because being sober won't work this time night. Thanks." He hung up and got beamed back to the cabin so he could get ready for drunken tinkering and thinking. He called Sheppard too. He had some off-the-wall ideas that worked really well. Plus he had to know about demon emergencies and apocalypses. They had left him naive and happy for too long.

Sheppard and McKay got beamed in first. "General," Sheppard said, saluting him. "I was told we were drinking tonight to formulate how to save the earth?" He held up his bag from a liquor store local to Atlantis. "I went with whiskey and semi-decent beers."

"That'll work." He switched it for the email. "Yes, they're real," he told McKay when he started to read.

"I saw the footage from the invasion," he said with a grimace. "The same sort of problem?" He looked at the general, who was nodding while drinking a can of beer.

Sheppard got his own after reading. "That's just wonderful, sir. How can we help?" He smirked.

"The level of stupid in that problem is astronomical," McKay complained.

"Which is why the higher powers that want to have balance so they have power started that going," Jack quipped. The others drove up and came in with food and liquor. Sheppard handed off that email. "From Harris."

"Aw, jeez, another one," Mitchell complained. "Fuck!"

"Human ending. The powers that are over the slayers are already plotting since they want absolute balance. They've been taking out hunters. They have plans for Harris dying during that one, and his cancer came back, kids. That's why we need something good."

Sandwiches got unpacked and they settled to drink, bitch, and plot.

"How much realistic help can we count on?" Sheppard asked.

"Specialists? Two slayers, one witch with a magic addiction, and Harris, who has cancer," Sam Carter told him. "Caused by the army." Sheppard put down his drink to stare at her. "The program that O'Neill brought down with some help, they caused it."

"I saw that file," Sheppard said. "Damn you're good, General." O'Neill grinned. "Most of us on the city have seen that file and we all agreed if you had asked we would've shown up to help too. We would've even brought the city to help."

"Even I shot some of them," Carter told him. "Then I destroyed their systems while gathering intel." She looked at McKay. "We also have a classification manual done by the people who have been doing it since Ancients were toddlers whining about demons."

"They were?" he demanded. O'Neill nodded and so did Carter. "We're sure?"

"We have histories," Jackson told him. "That correlate to early writing ones that we found thanks to those histories. Which is why Harris helped some people semi-ascend so they could be a wind block from all the screaming that caused."

"Harris saw us being attacked," O'Neill said. "The mountain itself attacked." They all moaned. "Which is why we got some very nice wind blocking help. By the way, he's near two of them now in Hawaii," he told the group. "They're local law enforcement out there." He grinned. "The SEAL is on detached duty but kicking ass all over his island full of pretty things and arms dealers." He took another drink.

"There may be a way to activate more slayers," Carter said.

Daniel nodded. "Their books mention a scythe that holds the slayer essence. It's near or in Sunnydale."

"So we activate all the slayers," Jack said. "What happens that means we need seventy or more slayers?"

Sheppard blinked. "Could they go on treaty teams with our people?"

"Could be," O'Neill said. "If they're allowed to go military."

"We worked with civilians," Carter said. "Daniel is a notable example there, sir. They'd be of great help and able to protect themselves."

"Slayers can't hurt or kill humans, Sam. It somehow warps the calling."

"Oh. Pity." She slumped and went back to doodling math equations. "We could use some heavier weapons than we currently have."

"They'd be more dangerous to our people," McKay told her. "If we could make one that would only effect those who have non-human DNA it might matter."

"That would get people with warped chromosomes," O'Neill pointed out. "Like Harris. Apparently he not only has radiation issues but also he ran into mermaids in high school thanks to a swim coach." They all stared at him. He nodded. "Doctor Lam said it's impossible but there. Also we've had demonic help from some peaceful and good species at each mega event."

Rodney was still spluttering so Sheppard handed him a drink to gulp. "Prove it," he finally demanded. O'Neill handed over his phone so he called Doctor Lam. "Carolyn, prove that mermaids exist," he ordered. She told him about how they had been found and Xander had identified who some of them had been. The Navy was not amused. They had actually had a few Naval generals throwing fits like toddlers on tv. He groaned as he hung up, rubbing his chest. Sheppard nicely handed him another drink to help with that. O'Neill put his phone back into his pocket.

"Does the same to me," Sam Carter told him. "I didn't want to believe it existed even with it in front of me."

"Teal'c heard one briefing and said that was forbidden knowledge among them. That most societies had eradicated any that had been brought with them," Mitchell said. "Though I threw a few fits once we busted that project into little shards of misery."

"Should've heard the biology team," Sam quipped, gulping more beer. "The fits went on for over a week and spilled into the other labs." McKay shook his head quickly. "Then yours got briefed and had a series of small fits."

"They decided the wraith should be the weirdest thing in the universe," Sheppard told her. He looked at McKay then at the general. "I remember the guy who said he was out of his body who came to visit us."

"Harris," O'Neill agreed with a nod. "That's how he got Daniel to get me to see how wrong that was."

"That explains a lot," Sheppard agreed. He finished his current drink and beer, putting the can into the trash can and leaning back. "So we need crazy, asshole-pulled plans to stop that huge problem," he said. "And we can't raid their bases first?"

"Civilians in the way," Daniel said. "It'd make them want to attack us too."

"Do the ones that would be attacking go off their bases?" O'Neill shook his head. "Do the rest of them leave now and then?"

"Sometimes but they leave the kids," Jack said.

"Our teams wouldn't hurt the kids. We could capture a few of the parents to hold for a few hours and let them have the kids," Mitchell said. "Maybe some elders of some friendly to them groups watching the kids and making sure we're not evil?"

"That may mean they'd have to believe in visions," Carter said.

"They seem to listen to those sort of things and magic more than humans do," Daniel said. "We can bring the vision to the local demon council and tell them we're trying to mitigate the vision." Cordelia showed up and shook her head then faded out again. "Or maybe not," he quipped. "Miss Chase, why not?"

Her voice came out of Jack's phone. "They're frienemies. They'll do things to piss them off on purpose. LA's has the same problem. Go to the one in Baltimore or NYC, but if you go to DC's watch out for the other side to complain as there's a descended angel trapped there and he'll do anything to screw up the non-native demon species for not being like him. Or humans because he's petty that way and that's why he fell."

"Okay, that's not a huge problem," John Sheppard said, considering it. "Do we know anything about either of those local councils?"

"Baltimore's has a ring of justice where you can call combat and the spells on it will tell you if it's just," O'Neill said. "It'll punish the problem side if they're that bad. Harris had to take a few of the assholes who were trying to kill him there." He sipped his beer. "Huh. That's actually ..." He tipped his head, looking at Daniel, who smirked back. Then at Mitchel and Carter since they were next to each other. Carter was nearly passed out. Mitchell had that happy, buzzed look on his face and he nodded.

Jack looked at Sheppard, who was smirking and handing Rodney another glass of whiskey to keep him from going off the deep end about demons. "I'll go," O'Neill agreed. "They like me I think. I'm a nice guy." The others nodded. Jack made travel plans and they settled in to go over the other plans. They needed a way to take that tumor out of Harris sooner instead of later. And without using magic since they all agreed that was a bad idea.

***

Xander quit floating out of his body for meditation and woke up to find someone he didn't know staring at him. "Did you show up because we had a date? I don't remember that well some days."

"No. Steve sent me."

"Oh, him. Sure." He sat up. "Are you the one I'm going to be guarding?"

"Not yet. We think that's coming soon. You're on my way home and he wanted me to make sure you were still all right."

"Yeah so far I'm okay. I haven't done the spell to remove the tumor yet." He grinned slightly. "I'm fine. Really."

"Magic to remove a tumor?"

"Yeah. It's about a last ditch effort. Technically it's a spell to remove stuck kids during birth but I can rearrange it to brain tumors."

"Uh-huh. Were you meditating? Or sleeping?"

"Bit of both. My body was catching a nap while I hit the astral plane again to check on some ongoing issues." He shrugged. "I learned with the first brain tumor."

"All right. I'll tell Steve you're fine."

"Thanks. By the way, I'm Xander."

"Chin." He shook his hand. "You should probably eat."

"I probably should but food sucks. I feel like I have morning sickness from the stupid tumor. Seriously, try never to get a brain tumor, okay?"

"That's always good advice anyway. If you can avoid cancer you probably should."

"Yeah, but the army gave me cancer so...." He shrugged a tiny bit and winced. "I keep forgetting this couch sucks to sleep on." Chin smiled, waving as he left. Xander stretched and went to make some of the morning sickness tea he had found. It worked okay on the days after treatment too. He settled down to watch over his garden and to shoot the rabbit that kept trying to invade it. His crossbow aim was still spot on. "Bunny stew," he quipped, getting up to get the thing so he could skin and fix it.

Chin went to Steve's house, knocking and being let in by Danny. "He was on the astral plane?"

"Yeah, Xander goes out of his body and hides there sometimes. He found a way to spy into the future. That's what he showed me when he pulled me out. Danny?"

"He showed me a bit of us working together and told me it'd be okay and I'd be able to follow Gracie. I was just before the final divorce hearing." Danny looked at him. "He okay otherwise?"

"Took him a few minutes to wake up. He said he hasn't done the spell to remove the brain tumor yet?" Kono choked, shaking her head. "Something about it being a birth spell but he can warp it?"

"Xander can be very warping," Danny agreed dryly. "Did it to me for a few days after only five minutes talking to him." He looked at Steve.

"We got warned if he did that spell it came with a high risk of bleeding problems. But if he goes under surgery the higher beings over the slayers will try to take him out."

"Charming of them," Danny quipped.

"They want balance, Danno. Only a perfect balance. It gives them power." Steve looked at Chin again. "He eat something?"

"I heard him putting on water."

"Maybe then. He could really use a few dozen meals."

"He said he felt like he had morning sickness," Chin said. "Can magic do that?"

Steve winced. "Don't ask. Really. We got to escort a young witch who had joined the Marine Reserves for school and after one too many attacks she did that to a whole troop of asshole terrorists." He tried not to smirk but had to. "They got no respect, no one listened to them. Imams made them protect the children against their wills. We were so proud. My whole team congratulated her. The higher ups in the Marines...not so pleased. But it happens sometimes." He took a drink of water. "I'll go check on him tomorrow morning."

"Sure. Have fun with that." Chin left, going home to think about things. That was a bit too weird for him.

Steve looked at Danny, who was staring at him in horrified awe. "It takes a lot of magic."

"Good! It'd better take a whole damn lot of magic. Before one of us gets hit."

"You might have to have sex to do that," Kono said. "Something neither of you are getting." She left to find some way to clean her brain off. Before those thoughts stuck.

"With your luck it'd take some guy in the hallway bumping into your arm," Steve complained. "If you do get knocked up I'll keep you on desk duty as long as I can and maybe even babysit." Danny got up to pounce him to try to beat him up. It was playful but they could use the stress relief.

***

Xander came back to his body and sighed. He had looked at the tumor. It wasn't huge but it was nasty looking. Even worse than the first one had been. He did send that nice doctor a note asking if he had more of the serum given to him. She admitted she hadn't checked but ran his bloodwork and answered he did. So somehow he had gotten more serum. He had some options. He could still do that spell. If he did it unaided it'd be a bit more dangerous but if he did it with help it'd be a huge problem that could start off another humanity changing thing. He flopped backwards with a groan and rubbed his face. "This shit sucks." Whistler appeared, staring at him. He stared back. "What?"

"They won't get past the problem, Harris. Prompting them to take some weird action...."

Xander got up and got into his face. "I don't care. Right about now I'm going to be lucky to be alive at that point so *someone* has to handle it." He stared him down, making Whistler back up. "Which Initiative member did it?"

"I don't know...."

Xander held up a hand. "They found new serum. I know damn well they're all in jail. So who gave it to me so I can go fix them?"

"We have no idea."

Xander snorted. He took Whistler with him out of his body to the astral plane. He pointed. "Really? Are you sure, Whistler?" The guy looked scared. Xander walked him over and pointed. "I'd pretty well bet that some of those are your people. Not the military."

Oh, crap. "They're different level minions," he admitted. Xander was letting it go forward. "That's not our people who dropped it into your drink."

Xander watched, touching that picture. "Hmm. Okay." He looked at Whistler. "I'm not a slayer or a champion, Whistler." He brought them back, climbing back into his body. "I'm also not really able to do anything to help anyone right now." He stared at him. "So why come to me to bitch about other people having to take my place because your bosses want to destroy humanity?"

"Your prompting is causing others to get into things they shouldn't."

"They're supposed to be protecting humanity!" Xander shouted. "What did you expect them to do? Just let it all happen?"

"Calm down."

"Fuck you," Xander shot back, glaring at him. "It's your bosses causing problems that I and others have to handle. If they didn't start shit, we wouldn't have to fix shit. Make them leave humanity alone."

"They need to...."

"They're having *fun*, Whistler. Nothing that's happened in the last three years was anything but fun for them. Some sort of bet."

"You don't know that."

"Bet me! Did *you* send me visions?"

Whistler winced. "You do?"

"Yeah! Came out after the treatments for the first tumor." He stared at him. "Cordelia and I both carried the latent taint for visions, Whistler. So yeah, I've seen it *all*. Hell, I can even fix the problem with the soulmate markings while I'm fixing the new tumor if I find the right person to do it with." He moved closer. "You coming to bitch at me about shit that's not my fault, not my doing, and I have to fix to protect people I might like to get to know pisses me off."

"It could make you fight harder."

Xander stared at him. "You clearly did not do a damn bit of research about me, Whistler. I'd suggest you do go scry or however. Like the Council's people, they're worthless at a lot of things but especially about expecting me to be someone I'm not. I'm not Willow. I'm not Buffy. I'm tougher than both of them. If only because I put up with their asses nagging me for being male for too many years." He stared at him until Whistler took another step back. "You know what, if they want the Council down that hard? Tell a government rep about them. They'll go bust them for many reasons. It'd save the potentials, it'd save a lot of others, and it'd keep me from having to plant some in my garden the next time they show up to try to kill me."

Whistler swallowed. "They did?"

"Yeah. Pity." He stared at him. "If you need me to tell others about the Council I can do that."

"I....that's not a great idea."

Xander smirked. "You sure about that?"

"They think there'll be too many potentials."

"Not like it mattered in the past."

"If they get called it could cause problems."

Xander stared at him. Then he smirked. "If you're sure, because their ideas would get a lot of little girls killed and piss off real humans. Especially real warriors and hunters." Whistler winced. "I know, not your plot. But you're here." Whistler disappeared. Xander looked up then around at the house. "Maybe I should tell someone that I had to tie up the assassins soon." He considered it as he walked into the kitchen. He checked on the assassins, putting in more water jugs for them. Then he reclosed and locked the door, going to make some more tea. He could keep it down. "Maybe I'll find that little organic shop again tomorrow. They had some good ideas."

***

Xander drove his pickup truck to where Steve and Danny worked, smiling at Chin since he was outside. "Would you guys like to arrest the assassins I've had locked in the closet for the last week?"

Chin stared at him. "Why did you have them locked up for a week? You couldn't call 911?"

"Long story. Very long story. They have a contract out on my life. They came out to kill me while on vacation. Want 'em? I'm going to go find that organic store that I got the tea from." Someone grabbed him by the arm and walked him off. "Hi, Danny."

"Xander." He looked at him. "Why did you have them locked up for a week?"

"I forgot they were there. I kept using knockout gas. I only remembered because the knockout gas canister is empty and I have to make some more. Their group has a few mil out on my head for helping my former friends." He grinned. "I'm going to find that little organic shop where I got the tea. They had some good ideas about food choices. Maybe I'll be able to keep things down." He shook his head.

"You're going goofy from the hunger," Danny said. "You probably shouldn't be driving."

"I have no idea where the shop is. I'm fine on the road. I make sure I can concentrate there."

"Uh-huh." Danny stared at him. "You're a danger to yourself and others behind the wheel of your redneck pickup truck." Xander rolled his eyes. "Steve, he's so scattered he can't keep linear thoughts."

"He needs to eat," he called back, hauling the people out of the truck to arrest them. "Xander, did you only have five?"

"No, I had seven. One's still probably in the safe hideout from the storms and I think one got free and ran away. He might still be around the house. The neighbor's dog barks a lot."

Danny stared at the kid. "Kono, walk this guy to somewhere he can eat *something* he'll keep down. Please."

"Sure. What're you in the mood for, sir?"

Xander grinned at her. "You're not nearly deadly enough to flirt with me, miss. Only the really deadly and dangerous like me."

"You'd be cuter with some weight."

"Hey, blame the cancer," he said dryly. "And the NID mother fuckers who gave me the serum again on the orders of some higher powers over slayers." Danny and Steve both winced. "Oh, no, guys, we had to talk to Whistler last night and point out that bitching me out for others finding a way to take my spot in the upcoming battles. We had a talk about how it wasn't *my* fault his bosses had *plans*." Kono walked him off. "I'm fine."

"You're grumpy."

"Yeah, life sucks somedays, kiddo."

"I'm not that young."

He looked at her. "Uh-huh. You're in your cute, young, flirty years so you should go hide from me before some of the sort that like me think you might be cute too."

"Who tries to date you?" she asked. "Godzilla?"

"No, the guy who took his name as his use name is still in Japan this year. He'd never touch me because he thinks cancer's contagious." She gaped then looked at Steve, who just nodded he knew about that guy. "It happens." He walked off. "I need to find that little organic shop with the hippie witches. They got me the morning sickness tea that helps sometimes." He frowned as he looked at the nearby shops.

She looked at him. "Let's get some shave ice."

He looked at her. "Why? It's koolaid on ice."

"It's good. It has some good calories. You could use calories." Someone shouted and Xander moved her to shoot the guy in the lower stomach. "Wow," she said. "That's good. Though I could've handled it."

He grinned. "I try." He put his gun up and stared at him. "Watch me pull someone else to the astral plane to show them alllll about the Council, douchebro. I'll show them so much that every government you previously had cowed will rise up and ruin you, and most would even protect the potentials. So, how much is the fee for my head now?"

"Not enough," the guy groaned as he held his stomach. "We'll still stop you."

Xander grinned and waved. "Come at me, bro. Let's see how that works for you." The man tried to get up but Steve kicked him back down and stared at Xander. "I'm not that weak yet. I can take them out. I did when they snuck into the house."

"Where's the hidden area?"

"Under the carrots. There's a pull ring that's partially buried."

Steve blinked. "I'll go find that one and see if we can find the one that's watching. You, go eat. Now."

"I'm fine."

"I don't care. Go. Eat." He pointed. "Kono?" She nodded, walking Xander off again. "We'll help you find that shop later too." He waved then glared at the guy under his foot. "Who are you with and why are you after him?"

"No comment. I have diplomatic immunity."

"I don't care about that. I'm not *arresting* you. Yet." The man blanched, trying to wiggle away. Steve pushed down harder. "No. Let's go talk." He hauled him up and off. "Let's go talk to them, people."

Danny watched the duo go then looked at Steve. "Want me to go nag?"

"He's probably used to it," Steve admitted. "She can charm him into eating."

"Yeah, that won't work. He didn't respond to her being flirty." He followed them, going to nag the kid into eating. He had seen others going through cancer treatments. He caught up to them and pointed. "Let's try there."

"It's fried stuff, really heavy," Xander said quietly. "I won't keep that down. I can't even keep down onion rings I bake in the oven anymore."

"They have some other stuff. Including stuff that has honey, all natural local honey." Xander nodded that might work. "If not, we'll get you some shave ice and we'll eat sweet, flaky stuff." He held the door open for them with a grin. Xander sighed but walked in with the poking from Kono. Danny followed. "Hey."

"Hey, brah," the shopkeeper said, staring at Kono. "The goddess finally came back to visit."

Xander pushed her forward. "Danny said she needed sweet, flaky stuff."

Danny pointed at Xander's head. "He needs stuff like you'd feed Clara. For the same reason."

"That sucks," the guy told him. "We got stuff that she liked when she was going through breast cancer."

"I wish mine was," Xander admitted. "It'd be so much nicer than brain cancer." The guy winced. "Yeah. Food sucks. I've been having morning sickness tea mostly."

"We got stuff for that." He went to get him food and got the two officers stuff they would eat too. "It's got oats. All natural, it's soft so it won't be too harsh. It's got some honey."

Xander sniffed and smiled at him, paying for it and going to sit down.

"He's looking for the hippie witch organic shop," Kono told him.

"Hmm. Yeah, those girls are sweet. They're down by the fountain." He pointed. "Few blocks over." Xander smiled at him for that. "Good luck, man."

"Thanks. I think I need it. This is the relapse." The guy winced but nodded, handing Danny extra napkins because he was a messy eater.

Danny sat down, staring at him. "They gave you more?" he asked quietly. Xander nodded. "You sure?"

"Saw it. Fucking NID," he muttered, stuffing his mouth. "This is really good. I need to bring some of this home for dinner." He kept eating but had to stop and gulp some cold water at one point. "That sucks."

"It's fine," Danny said, patting his wrist in that nice pressure point that handled nausea. Xander gave him an impressed look. "No one taught you about that? It's for motion sickness but it works."

"Actually, no, they give me this green stuff they call a grasshopper. Tastes like drinking pureed grasshopper too. Doesn't work either." He dug in again. "This is really good."

Danny nodded. "It's also pretty good for you. Are you all vegetarian now?"

"No. Now and then I catch a bunny rabbit and have bunny stew or something. It's really expensive to buy groceries out here."

"Yeah, it is," he agreed. "It's shipping fees. Sometimes you can find deals online and order them cheaper than going to the grocery store."

"I don't have net access beyond my phone."

"That could help." Xander ate another bite then grabbed his water to gulp, then Kono's water to gulp. Danny frowned. "Something's weird."

Xander looked up then at him. "It's magic," he muttered. "I don't know why."

"Okay. Maybe we can figure that out." He patted his wrist again, helping him calm down. Chin came in and came over. "We good?"

"Steve's going to find that one. Who were they with?"

"Watcher's Council," Xander told him. "They hate me." The guy behind the counter choked. Xander looked at him. "Hi, I'm formerly Buffy's Xander." He grinned and waved. "Messenger Cordelia told me to move out here."

The guy stared at him. "The one that did graduation?" he demanded.

"Yeah. That was me." He nodded. "And then the army gave me the first dose of serum that gave me a brain tumor." He ate a bite, shrugging some. "I have no idea. I only hunt the harmful things. Really."

"No, I get that," the guy behind the counter said, staring at him. "They've got you down as a great evil."

"If they had left me alone I wouldn't be the guy who's going to tell everyone about them." He grinned. "Any idea what those surges are?"

"There's a chaos based....it's probably reacting to your hellmouth taint."

"That stuff's truthfully nasty," Xander told him. "I had radiation sickness when I first when into the hospital."

The guy blinked. "Wow. Why are they hating the witch?"

"Her wish to heal me came with the clause of soul mates." He grinned. "She keeps trying to kill me too because I have to have a protective owner sort somewhere according to her. Since I haven't found them yet she considers me profaning her wish."

The guy moaned, shaking his head and resting it on the counter. "The hippie witches, if they're the same ones, are related too."

"I'm immune to the hemlock they gave me," Xander quipped. "It still helped and I'm immune to the poison. It might've even shrunk the tumor. By the way, saw it in a visiony thing. NID gave me the serum and tried to give me a third dose about two weeks after I got here. They might still be here somewhere messing up stuff or torturing beings."

"Shit," the guy muttered, going to call someone. "I'll warn them they breached the islands. Where are you living?"

"My farm. It's not too far out of town but I have about an acre to grow veggies on."

"I'll let the right ones know, Harris." Xander grinned. "You eat that and I'll ask the witches to talk to the idiot sorcerers guild."

"The Chaotic Knights?" Xander asked.

"Brother group to them," the guy agreed. "These are young, unproven, and annoying mostly. The CK won't take them because they're young posers with issues."

"Okay, let me know if I have to talk to them. I met the high priest of Janus a few times. He got me possessed by my costume one year and it was *totally* helpful. Especially when we had to handle the Judge in the mall."

The guy stared at him. "You really are him," he said, sounding awed. "Wow." He went to get him more ice water and then called the witches to warn them.

Danny looked at him. "Huh? Judge? He was using his gavel or something?"

"Huge lego demon that got put back together to take out humanity. You had to reseparate him because no weapon built by man could defeat him. If I say more I'll get into trouble with someone like Steve."

Danny put down his cup, staring at him. "How bad could it be?"

"It's somewhere in the ATF's files. They decided it was just a prank after seeing it."

Danny looked at the cousins. Kono was already pulling out her phone to get into the ATF's system. "Look it up under his town's name of Sunnydale."

She found it and watched it then let them see it.

Xander looked over. "They edited it. He was more blue." He went back to eating, ducking his head down. Kono found the original file and they watched it then stared at him. He was trying to sneak off to the bathroom.

"We have found someone worse than Steve," Danny decided. He went to help Xander and talk to him. "Do you do that all the time?"

"No. That's for special events and Steve said I'm not allowed to keep artillery." He blinked at him. "I'm okay."

"I wanted to make sure you're not going to destroy something."

"Only if I have to and I try to warn first."

"Yeah," Danny said with a nod. "Hurry up, we'll make sure you get back to your truck just in case. Any others that bad?"

"Um...don't watch graduation."

"Gotcha." He let Xander use the bathroom and wash his hands then led him back to the station, though he did let Xander get a refill on ice water.

"I'll be back for more of that stuff. It actually stayed down," he said. "That's almost miraculous." He walked out with Kono guarding him again. He grinned at her. "I don't need the honor guard of warriors and warrioresses. Unless they have the fantasy armor."

She poked him on the arm. "I'm tougher than I am pretty."

"Of course you are. I've seen a number of women like that, though they're usually bitchy."

"Your friends?" Danny asked. "Yeah, putting it mildly from what I've heard." He led Xander into the office, looking around. "Steve's not back yet. Sit, Xander." He barked but sat down with a sigh. They got to work arresting the wannabe assassins.

Steve came in carrying an assault rifle the kid took from him to cuddle. "If I need guns, I'm coming to your house," he told him. He handed over the guy he had rescued. "He had a water line to the well and a small light."

"I didn't want to be inhumane," Xander said. "Even though they were trying to kill me. He had a little hole near his feet for whenever he had to pee too."

Steve stared at him. "That makes you a better human but I'm going to use that some day."

"Just don't tear up my garden, Steve."

"I won't. Your carrots are mostly fine. Only a few got displaced so I put them in your kitchen." Xander grinned. "Those are still illegal to own."

"Oh well," Xander quipped, staring at him. "It helped stop that thing in the woods last week. I can't use a sword as well anymore."

Steve shook his head. "Illegal."

Xander shrugged. "Demons," he countered. "Big, slobbery demons who ate kids out to fool around in the woods because sex scents drew it and it really liked virgins."

Danny put his phone down. "I need to do something so my daughter isn't eaten."

"Some are drawn by sluts," Xander told him. "But those sort tend to go for the sex scent stuff. They like to catch them in the act. Some possess them, some eat them, some do gross stuff that would piss you off."

Danny stared at him. "Don't share yet. Teach me that later, Xander." Xander nodded, cuddling his gun. He looked at Steve then at the kid then back at Steve. "Was he the only one?"

"I saw signs someone was stalking the property and talked to a neighbor who was outside. He said he'll call if he sees the guy again."

"I figured he had seen him since his dog barks at him so much," Xander said. "Can I go find the witches?"

"No," Danny said. "We'll make sure they're not giving you hemlock again."

"It actually helped."

Danny stared at him. "Even if you're immune it's not good for you." Xander shrugged. "Yeah, well, no. Sit." Xander got comfortable. "Kono has film of stuff."

Steve took her tablet to look at the files she had pulled up. He blinked at something. "What is that?"

"Is it in a mall?" Xander asked. Steve nodded, still watching the file. "It's called the Judge and it's a lego demon. You put it back together then wake it up. It kills humanity for having emotions."

Steve went to the other files pulled up. "Hmm, the base assault to bring down that project." He switched that one to the back and watched what looked like a graduation ceremony. Then there was latin. And a huge demon. And cheering when it ate the guy who had insulted the graduates. Then an explosion. "Wow." He looked at Xander, who shrugged. "Damn."

Xander grinned. "I did my best. I only had the one possession from a PFC and role playing planning strategies to go on."

"Then I'm really impressed, Xander." He sent that file to O'Neill. And the fact that the kid had stopped some assassins from England. Kono took the tablet to add to that about what he had said in the café. Then she handed it back. Steve read it and rubbed an eye but he finished it and sent it. He got back one almost immediately from someone saying that the general had a hangover and would deal with the other assholes in the universe in a timely manner, once he got some coffee and tylenol. "O'Neill has a hangover."

"That's one thing Whistler was sent to complain about," Xander quipped. "I told him to quit nagging me about things that weren't my doing before I fixed that soulmate problem and got the Council busted open."

"What problem?" Steve asked.

"If you touched them before the wish was cast, it won't pop up your marking," Xander said. "There's a way to fix it but doing so would warp something else and we could end up with pack behavior or other problems. So I haven't."

"Yet?" Danny quipped.

"It could come when I take the tumor."

"Weren't you warned not to do that?" Steve asked him, staring him down.

"Not like it'll be gone some other way," Xander quipped. "Unless someone wanted to wish that I never got given more of that serum, so I'd have at least another two or three years before it comes back."

Steve sighed, shaking his head. "Wishes are double edged swords."

"I know that. I've seen ones that created whole new worlds. Just because I called my girlfriend by Buffy's name by accident. Which led to me having a prom date that's a nympho."

Danny shook his head quickly. "How did that lead there?"

"The wish demon that took the wish from my girlfriend at the time got fired for losing her powers. She used to tell me how she killed people and then demand sex. I took her to the prom." He frowned. "I told you about her when I met you."

"Yeah, I blocked that part out," Danny admitted, wincing and rubbing his forehead. "He dated the vengeance demon that abused women called on their guys," he told Steve.

"That's...probably pretty nasty."

"She was over a millennia old," Xander said. "She told me about a lot of her doings."

Steve held up a hand. "Please don't. I want to eat lunch, Xander."

"Fine. Can I go home?"

"Not yet. Let us find that other guy."

"He could've fled the island," Xander said.

"Hasn't been long enough." He looked at Danny. "Anything on those guys?"

"They suddenly can't even speak British English," he said dryly.

Xander got up and went into the room they were in, staring at them. The officer in there watching them gave him an odd look but Xander ignored him. "So, guys, how are you enjoying trying to kill me? Was your vacation everything you wanted it to be?" They glared. Xander stared back. "You guys haven't realized yet that I'm the sort who'll become creatively weird when people come after me?" One spluttered. "How much is the price on my head this time?"

"A good ten mil. We'll be splitting it very soon."

"Well, if I die in a year or so, you can claim it then." He gave them a pointed look. "Of course I could go to Ireland and claim the Hunter's Vault." Two of them flinched back, shaking their heads. He nodded. "I'm the one doing the job. You guys sit and bitch. You're worse at it than Wesley was when he first got assigned to Sunnydale. And he was a little punk then." He looked them over again. "Just ten mil? You guys could've gotten more than that from a few demon society groups for me helping stop problems. Hell, Wolfram and Hart's price on my head is fifteen. What cheapskates you work for, and they probably won't pay bail."

"Some of us have diplomatic immunity," one said, sounding snotty about it. "I demand to speak to my consulate."

"There's no embassies here in Hawaii," Xander said, leaning closer. "The closest is LA and I'm not so sure they have a British one there. So even more flying. It's eight hours from LA to here. You might want some bail money." The guy tried to headbutt him but Xander got out of the way. "That was really weak. Are you sick too?" The guy growled and tried to get up to attack him but the officer pushed him back down. "You tried to attack me in front of officers.

"That's *real* wise there," he quipped as he walked off. The other guys tried to get him too and Xander kicked around most of them and used the gun to bat someone in the forehead. The officer got two more down. Xander stared at them. "Guys, remember, the hellmouths *all* love me. I can probably figure out how to open them. After all, I carry enough radiation from Sunnydale's that I can use it to activate the others." He walked off. "There, now you have charges you can prove." He left, taking his poor gun baby home.

"I'm going to come check for weapons tonight," Steve yelled after him. He looked at Danny. "He's going to drive me insane."

"Too late," Chin quipped.

"Not hardly." He went to help gather those idiots back into cuffs. "How did they get out?"

"No clue. They muttered but no paperclips or anything. I checked."

"Maybe magic then." One flinched. He smirked. "I've seen others doing it while I was a SEAL." He went back to the office to fill out the paperwork on this bust. It was starting to sound like a crackhead fairytale so he let Danny finish it while he got lunch. He looked up plans for Xander's house so he could figure out where the weapons were hidden this time.

TBC....

The End.

voracity is the author of 70 other stories.

This story is part of the series, The Horror Bringer. The previous story in the series is The Horror Bringer. The next story in the series is New Locations, New Horrors.

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