Yeah, That's Illegal. by voracity

[Reviews - 1]
Printer

Chapter or Story
Table of Contents
- Text Size +

Xander frowned as he walked past the portal that led to the shower, pausing to listen. He knew that voice. He swore he knew that voice. He finished his trek into the kitchen, looking at Jane and her monkey friend that was playing with her hair. "Where's Darcy?"

"Her bedroom. Taking a nap. She's got bad PMS and feels rotten." She looked at him. "Big problems?"

"Going over how to deal with the pterodactyls that're about to come through in a few days. I didn't figure you guys could handle the machetes to kill them."

"Probably not. Can't we hide?"

Xander grimaced. "Then they won't want to leave and won't close the portal. We're fairly certain something on that side is opening that one to give them a place to put additional colony members. Not totally sure but maybe." Jane nodded at that. "So hiding may mean they stay."

"I can...I guess I can ask SHIELD to loan us an agent or see if Frank wants to come back."

Darcy came in. "Frank's got a bad shoulder right now. He really got beaten up." She looked at the monkey then at Jane. "No monkeys in the house unless you're going to clean up where they mess up." Jane rolled her eyes but put the monkey back outside. "Thanks. We already need to redo that one corner of the kitchen thanks to Crappy's habits." She looked at Xander again. "How do you deal with them?"

"Me personally? Machete. You can probably use a bigger shotgun if you have one." She grimaced but shook her head. "Okay, then we need to figure that out because they open the portal on their side and I'd hate to see you overrun with flying chickens. That bite. They will bite people."

Darcy grimaced. "Great. Sure, I'll see if Frank left anything to help with that. How long do we have?"

"We have six days to the summer solstice."

"Will I need to tarp my new garden?"

"No. The monkeys will hide. They did the last few times. They only lost one monkey in the last three attempts." She nodded, sending a text to Frank's phone to see if he had left anything for the flying ancient chickens. He hadn't, Matt answered back for him since he was tied down by Karen because he wanted to get up and handle something when he could barely move. She sighed. "And he's down and super injured." She put the phone down. "He said he didn't leave anything either."

Jane considered it. "I might be able to build a small laser if I can get a few things shipped in really fast."

"The most open part of the veil between our worlds is Darcy's tub," Xander said.

"I figured that out. I was soaking and someone on that side ran some water so mine started to overflow. I had to let mine out then put the plug back in for her."

"I heard," Xander agreed with a grin. "She's still grounded for that too."

"I don't mind. I shared a bathroom in the dorms, Xander."

"She's not supposed to be up there. She might cross over and get stuck. The sudden appearance of a slayer may turn on some of your demonic issues. I'd never curse another world to what we go through every few weeks." He leaned on the table, looking at Jane. "Would the laser be aimable?"

"Probably at the portal so we can get them as they come out." She sketched out the design to figure out a shopping list.

"If not, big shotguns or machetes," Xander told her. Darcy grimaced. "You should probably have one anyway, just in case someone tries to show up, Darcy."

"Point. I have no idea how to do that."

"Go to a gun shop, buy gun. Wait three days if you guys have a waiting time there."

Jane nodded. "That is how I got my pistol back in New Mexico. Which I don't have, we had to surrender it to go to London." She sighed. "That's probably our trip out this week."

Darcy nodded. "I think we have a three day waiting period."

"So we'd have time," Jane decided. She sent a text message to Maria Hill about weapons laws in the state to see if they could expedite it somehow. She didn't get an immediate answer but within twenty minutes she promised that an agent could come handle it this time, and it'd be one Darcy would trust. She thanked her then put her phone down. "We'll have an agent this time, someone we'd trust." Darcy grinned at her. "So we can arm up with their help probably for the next one. It's a weird thing to get used to but we've seen weirder. Like Thor landing in front of us."

Xander grinned. "Thankfully you're not on this side so you can't see the kraken."

"Like from the sea with the princess?" Darcy asked.

"Like, in the hellmouth keeping it from opening and spilling a whole other realm." He grinned. "We named the local one Dominique."

"Why can you get over here and we can't get there?" Jane asked.

"You can but the areas for you are a bit more problematic. The bottom of the pool, two are up trees." Darcy sighed but nodded. "There might be one in Darcy's bedroom but I haven't tried it." He shrugged. "It happens and it means the girls can't bother you all the time. You walk into the thin spot then use it as a condom as you move around."

"I don't mind," Darcy said. "I don't have much to do every day right now." Jane nodded that was true.

Xander grinned. "I have sixteen teenage girls on my hands, Darcy. Don't tempt me to send them over here to talk to you about girl stuff. I'm actually pretty good at the tampon talk." She patted him on the hand. "I know but I'm used to girls. Sometimes I wish there were guys but then I'd probably think back to my last ex."

"You're gay?" Jane asked. "Not to be rude," she finished quickly.

"Actually I'm more bi but I'm also a dangerous person magnet." He shrugged but grinned at her. "Only dangerous people think I'm hot like candy."

Darcy grinned. "I think you're cute and pretty nice, but you're too far away to date. I only think someone's hot after a few days and I know they're not dicks."

He laughed, nodding. "That's a good idea. Mine, they seem to see me as a magnet for their not wanting Xander to have pleasure too needs."

"That blows. Guys do that to girls too." They shared a sigh and a nod. Then she grinned. "But some guys are really great at it."

"I've had a few of those but they were absolute evil bastards." She patted his hand again. "I know, I'll find one someday and probably die in a battle within a month. That's just kinda the way it is around here." He looked over his shoulder. "Yeah, Katya?" She appeared to them. "Problems?"

"That military guy is here again, Xander. Being a d-bag."

"Let me go tell him to go flop in a cactus patch," he muttered. "Later, ladies. Tell me if you need my help." He walked the slayer, who waved and grinned at them, off.

Darcy looked at Jane, who shook her head at them disappearing. "The girls do seem neat."

"They may be," she agreed. "I'm having Thor flashbacks though. Warriors." Darcy patted her on the arm, getting up to make more coffee. "Are you coming out tomorrow?"

"You told me you didn't need me so I haven't been."

"No, I could use you. My monkey helper doesn't take notes. Or do data entry." Darcy smirked at her. "Fine, I won't replace you with three monkeys." She got up to get her own cup of coffee then went back out to the lab to finish her calibration.

***

Clint Barton got off the boat he had rented, whistling quietly at the two dogs. They were both dark brown brindled pit bulls, and they were happy to be back on land because they had hated the boat. "I know, but still gotta happen. We can't drive here, guys." He walked them up to the house.

One of them barked and went to sniff the monkey staring at it. It chattered at the dog so the dog lapped it. Clint grinned that the monkey fled up a tree and wiped at the dog drool. "They'll get used to you, Boris." He let them into the house. "We're here," he called. He closed the door after the dogs and one monkey.

"Don't let the monkeys in, they pee in the house," Darcy called from somewhere upstairs.

Clint gently got that monkey out and closed the door again. "Okay. And I've got your dogs."

She came hopping down the stairs, grinning at him. "Thanks, Clint. Hi, guys." She sat on the bottom step, letting them come sniff her. One didn't really like her all that much. It was trying to get away from her and Clint. "It's okay. I'm not mean. I'm a nice people." She smiled. "Did you bring dog food? We only have a small bag of dog chow."

"Not yet. We can do that tomorrow when I take you guys to buy some guns. What's going on anyway?"

"We'll have pterodactyls twice a year on summer and fall solstice." He blinked a few times. "There's a portal."

"What the fuck?" he muttered. She got up and took him to see that portal. He blinked a few times, taking pictures for others. "Natasha is not going to believe this," he muttered. He brought her back to the house. The dogs were watering some bushes. The monkeys had managed to slip inside so Darcy went to shoo them back out. Mostly by application of cut up fruit on the porch. All but one wanted that and that one she carried out to sit on the porch with Clint and the dogs. They came over to sniff her again, getting pets with smiles. Clint shook his head, then sighed. "Okay, so how do you fight those?"

"Xander suggested big shotguns or machetes."

Clint looked at her. "Yeah, big shotguns we can do." He nodded, petting the dogs. "Only you two could find dinosaurs in a portal."

"We have another one that we're next to and it's thin. We get visited by ghostly people over there. Xander's been really helpful." She grinned. "And he's young and cute."

"Great! If he was here you could date him." He stared at her. "Anything else that's super weird?"

"We have two open portals in the hallway. One's blocked and locked, it goes to a shower somewhere bright and warm and has a New Yorker who's complaining about it being in his shower. He tried to get through so Frank put a gas canister of some kind into it to send him running again. The other one went to a place where someone was putting people in a meat grinder.

"They got stopped by the police thanks to Frank. We've been hearing construction noises but it might be destruction instead of building. Jane!" she yelled. She came through the house. "No monkeys, Jane." Jane went to get the monkeys she had let in out of the house. And she did clean up the spot one had marked. Darcy rolled her eyes. "We really have to fix one corner of the kitchen floor already thanks to the monkeys."

"The construction team didn't mention them at all," Clint told her. He wouldn't mention he had seen them slightly when he had helped the scouting team.

She shrugged. "We have about sixteen families here. I called the Bronx zoo to come look at them to make sure they were healthy and I was doing the right thing. They thinned the herd some."

He patted her on the arm. "Only you two." She swatted him and the dogs barked. "No, guys, I earned that."

"Both boys?"

"That's Boris and Bullwinkle. They came with those names. Rocky was a straight brown one but had been adopted and Natasha was a black one but she got adopted by a rescue service."

"Ah." She nodded. "I'm told the monkeys won't bother them too much. We can train the monkeys off the dogs if they start."

"That's fine. I'm sure there's dogs in places that have natural monkeys." He took a picture of the weird one. "Why is that one orange? Hair dye?"

"Different species," Jane said as she came out. Darcy went to save her kitchen from the monkeys that rushed in around Jane. She had to pry a few out of things but otherwise they all ran outside when she threw fruit out the door. She came back after shutting up the house and sat down again, grinning at Clint. "Sorry," Jane said.

Darcy shook her head. "It happens, Jane. We're going to end up fixing that corner though. Thankfully the floor is laminate so it's easy to replace."

"You might have to replace the underfloor too," Clint said. "I'll look at it tomorrow." She grinned. "Anything else they appreciate?"

"One of the beds and I've thrown the mattress outside for them with my former one. They dragged it into the basement for their napping down there." He nodded. "But I ordered two new ones and they arrived yesterday. Jane's better at driving a boat than the van she used to have." Jane pinched her on the arm. Darcy grinned at the dogs. "You're both good boys." They barked. She held out a hand, letting them sniff it again. "Will you like it here with us? We're nice ladies. Jane cuddles too." The dogs sniffed Jane then came back to Clint to let him pet them. Darcy sighed. "They'll probably miss you a lot."

"By then you'll have them spoiled." He looked at the dogs. "We can go pick up guns, dog food, dog treats, and dog toys tomorrow. Maybe even a dog house."

"The monkeys would probably take it over," Jane said.

"We can get a few extra to put up a tree for them," Clint said. "Easier than building treehouses like Castle suggested." The ladies grinned at that. "He didn't mention the monkeys either." He took film of them and sent that with the other pictures to Natasha. Who sent back a gif of a flashing, twisting question mark. He took more film of the monkeys. She sent back a 'WTF' gif of the same style. He grinned and called. "Darcy said hi and so did Jane and the dogs." He listened. "Yeah, there's monkeys. Did they leave any spare flooring down here? Because monkeys aren't potty trained, Natasha." She tried not to laugh at that. "Please do ask the geek king." He looked at Darcy. "No, she looks okay. Hasn't lost weight."

"We have the garden started and the monkeys are greedy," Darcy said loudly. "They take a lot of it."

"Yeah, that's what she said, Nat. Yup, monkeys. Gray monkeys and orange monkeys. Like weasley hair orange." He grinned.

"They're called golden lion tamarins, and the gray ones are called vervet monkeys," Darcy said. "We talked to the Bronx zoo."

Clint repeated that and Natasha hung up on him but was laughing about him adopting some monkeys. "She's giggling."

Darcy grinned. "So did we when Jane said she was replacing me with three of them."

"I doubt she can teach them to use the machines. If so, we're all in trouble when they go invade Asgard." He looked at Jane then went back to petting the dogs. "Anything you're missing already?"

"No we've had to go out twice so we picked up pizza and chinese those days," Darcy said. "The other portal's people are really nice. Xander's great to talk to. I've talked to a few of the girls he's training and they're sweet teenage girls who're warriors."

Clint blinked a few times. "Okay, go slower." Jane pulled up her notes on all that. Clint read them over, nodding slowly. "I think that's a comic book to us. I remember he said something about that, snorting about teenage female warriors." He handed Jane her phone back. "Kinda weird though."

"Yeah but they're nice neighbors," Darcy said. "The girls are sweet and he's keeping them teenage girls. They occasionally steal cookies." Clint just nodded and patted her on the arm. She rolled her eyes but got down next to the dogs to pet and play with them. They were her dogs. One of the younger monkeys came over to get Jane to pet her. Darcy took her to pet instead, letting the dogs sniff her.

"She's tiny and we protect these guys, okay? If they're mean I'll stop them but they're nice furries." She petted the baby, letting it stare at the dogs. It finally leaned over to sniff the dogs back and then poked one on the cheek. "Be nice, little monkey." It watched Darcy pet the dog and reached over to do the same thing, making the dog relax. "See, they're mostly okay. We'll stop any that're mean to you and help you hide from 'em until I can train them better."

The monkey got up to pet the dog better, laying on its back to cuddle in. "Awww." An adult monkey started to make noises so Darcy looked over, petting the baby. "It's fine. I'm watching her." A few adults came down, including the mom, who stared at the dog. It sniffed her then lapped her gently, putting his head back down. The monkey mom huffed and climbed up to get her errant kid, walking her off grumbling at her.

The adults stayed to test the dogs and got lapped too. One followed Darcy's petting actions, getting a smile and a pet from her as well. That helped and they ran off to talk amongst themselves about it. "See, I told you it'd be okay. We'll make good friends and it'll be cool, Bullwinkle." She grinned at Clint. "Thanks for the collars with names. Do they have toys?"

"Not yet. We can pick some up tomorrow." She nodded, going back to spoiling her new dogs.

Jane looked at Clint. "You gave her more to do," she said dryly.

"It's good to have a dog, Jane. It gives you something to cuddle in the middle of the night since I doubt you two do that."

"No, I'm not into girls." She shifted and a monkey jumped down into her lap, staring at her. She petted the orange one. "I'm keeping Darcy from naming you guys."

Clint shrugged. "I'd probably name them too." He got a video call from someone. "Hey, Steve." He waved, letting him see Darcy on the camera.

"Hi, Steve!" she called with a grin and a wave.

"Hey, Darcy, Jane, and Clint." Clint turned the camera back to him. "I was wondering where you were. We're starting movie night and all Stark said was you were out and about. I thought he meant locally."

"No, not hardly. Darcy's got a portal here that'll spill weird stuff in about four days."

"Awww. Does she need more help?"

"I doubt the shield'll help," Clint said dryly. "We'll have dinosaurs."

Stark leaned into view. "Excuse me?"

"Pterodactyls to be exact," Jane called. "It opens on summer and fall solstice we're told." She held up the monkey. "One of our two breeds down here."

"Stark, did the workers you used leave any spare flooring?" Clint asked. "One of the monkeys got happy in a corner and it needs replaced."

"The first night we were here," Darcy agreed with a nod. "Crappy went to the Bronx though." Clint shook his head quickly at that.

"Um, check the storage area behind Jane's lab," Stark said. "There might be some. They didn't mention monkeys. At all."

"It was in the SHIELD report," Maria Hill called from off-camera. She came over. "Good, you're there. Are the dogs fine?"

"So far. They've sniffed a few monkeys, gotten petted. They're loving Darcy's petting. We'll go out tomorrow to pick up guns for them and treats and toys."

"That's fine," Hill agreed. She spotted the monkey on Jane. "They were very confused by them."

"We've training them to stay out of the house," Darcy said. "Because they like to mark their territory."

Hill nodded. "That doesn't really surprise me about any animal. Have fun with that." She grinned. "Need anything huge?"

"Screens? But I guess we can have some made or something."

"Not that hard," Clint agreed. "I've done that before." He looked at the nearest window. "They have a space for one so it won't be that hard to order some." Darcy hugged his arm. He looked at Hill again. "I sent Natasha film of the portal with the dinosaurs."

"I got that," she agreed with a grin. "She's very confused in Belarus." Clint smirked. "Have fun with that and see if you can find the source so maybe they can close it for good." She hung up and went to laugh in a bathroom.

Clint put his phone up. "We can do that before we hit the stores tomorrow."

"Usually Jane goes so it's safer."

"Jane can't pick out good dog toys. I'll make sure they don't come for you, Darcy. They won't follow us back either. The two agent boats are on the other side of the bay right now watching drug runners." She grinned and relaxed. "If I can sneak around Natasha to get her coffee and cookies, I can sneak you to a petco, a home store, and a gun store." She hugged his arm again. "And probably to pick up some extra groceries."

"We could probably use some," Jane agreed. "And SHIELD to pay her."

"Yeah, that's coming tomorrow to a bank account sent up in her present name that's in the Bahamas. It'll lead to a local bank, and she can draw from that. The bank knows that she's in protective custody due to death threats so they're not going to bust her like they would some wannabe drug lord." She grinned at him for that. "It'll be fine. It's almost all finished setting up. You probably have some left on that prepaid card that was the last of the remodeling fund."

"That was about six hundred and it's nearly gone," Darcy said. "Plants, extra food for the monkeys, all that." He grimaced, sending Hill a note about that. She sent back that it wasn't right but she'd look. She sent back it had been a mistake and she was loading it onto there now. Clint grinned at her. "Check it in the morning before we go, Darce. Hill fixed someone's oversight."

"Fury?" Jane guessed.

"Probably," Clint agreed. "He's mad at himself."

"If he had just read like I suggested," Darcy said dryly then shrugged. She went back to petting the dogs.

Clint grinned. "That's why he's mad at himself." He noticed Jane was starting to nap and cuddling a few of the monkeys so he nudged Darcy and nodded inside. They snuck inside with the dogs, going to put him in a bedroom and let him check the house for necessary repairs. He knew how to turn on the ice maker on the fridge too so that was great.

***

Clint paused at the local FBI office on his way home during the second trip, to pick up the guns. He stared at the senior agent until the guy looked up. "So."

"You're...."

"Barton, SHIELD." He held up his ID.

"I was thinking about your other job, Hawkeye. Why the visit?"

"We have a protected person nearby. I've seen a bunch of your agents near her hiding place."

"Hmm." He looked up his current case load. He saw one note that was cross-posted from SHIELD. "Okay, I see one SHIELD listed event that's listed 'she's invisible unless it's an issue' from your people and the Secret Service." He read that one and blinked a few times then winced. "Damn it."

"Yeah, a real oh shit situation we had to fix because our director chose not to do any research," Clint said dryly, leaning on the doorframe. "But a lot of you are near where she's hiding."

"Our orders, from the top spot, are that both women are considered invisible unless it's a problem. They're allowed guns or whatever they need. They're to be ignored on sight unless it's an emergency situation or they call for help."

"Then the three boats watching her island?"

He looked that up and winced. "That's not about her. They thought that might be a Stark safehouse and were watching in case someone broke in to steal whatever he left."

"He did the reno's for her."

"That's great of him. Um... I'll withdraw them and make sure she's not bothered." He looked up. "She's probably paranoid?"

"Yes, very."

"We had zoo people from up there down here?"

"There's some wild monkeys."

"Awww. Okay. Sure, we can quit watching her house and leave Dr. Foster alone too before she opens a portal or summons Thor or something."

"She broke up with Thor." He stood up straighter. "Some of us may be in and out to visit her. The zoo people might be coming back now and then to check on the monkeys. I'll be in and out a few times. Around summer and fall solstice they do have a portal there and it'll spit weird things. I'm in to handle that actually."

"Fine. I'll make it noted to the agents that she is considered invisible unless there's an emergency. I'll make a note to have SHIELD told if there is too. Should we need to step in?"

"Only if the ones who made her run and hide show up."

"In that case, it'd better not be my people." Clint grinned. "I'll recall them right now to have that talk. Have fun with whatever's going to happen."

"It leads to a place that has pterodactyls."

"Oh, god."

"Which is why Foster is there." He smirked. "And I had to buy guns for them."

"If they have an arsenal, she's safer." Clint nodded, going to handle that for the ladies. He recalled all his agents in the office. Including the two guys on vacation time today. He went to talk to them, pulling up a single page of information. "Those of you watching the probable Stark hideaway, it's not him. He had it renovated for someone."

The agents grimaced. "But..." He pointed at the page on the screen. "That person is under this code. Notice it says she is invisible unless it's an emergency? We don't see her, don't go near her, act like she's invisible with Dr. Jane Foster at all times unless it's an emergency situation."

One agent raised his hand. "Does that mean the Secret Service is involved? I've only seen one of those and they were in witness protection."

"She sure is." They nodded. "And partially because some of us in other areas fucked up *grandly*." They all winced.

That agent grimaced. "My mom used to really like her modeling times because she was her body image ideal." The head agent nodded. "Did an agent try to steal her?"

"Worse. She found some agents involved in child trafficking." That got a mass nod again. "So she's in witness protection. Done by SHIELD." That got a few grins. "So you ignore everything about them unless they're having an emergency. I'm told there's some sort of portal out there that Dr. Foster is dealing with so we may see another member of the avengers. Hawkeye's in town for those who didn't spot him. He's buying her some guns."

"Good, it'll help," another agent said quietly. He'd been there for decades. "Not mentioning more than you did, but I was a rookie when she found those agents. If we spot any unusual agents in the area, report it to him, people. A few agents got mad that she turned in the dirty ones." The boss winced. He got up to hiss in his ear, getting a nod back. "So yeah, any agents in the area for suspicious or other reasons, be aware they're possibly the threat to her or Dr. Foster."

"Thankfully we're not big on vacationing people," the senior agent said. "But I agree, now that I know. How bad?"

"NSA," he said with a smirk. "She found NSA agents trafficking."

"Shit," he muttered, leaning on the wall behind him. "Any agents in the area unexpectedly, monitor them." The team noted. "No spreading any information of any kind. This is utmost secrecy. Also, be polite to them. Foster was or is dating Thor." A few grinned and nodded. "Thank you, dismissed. Go work on things." He went to his office to take something for his stomach. NSA being involved in anything was going to be a problem. He hoped the ladies were really protected.

Maybe that's why they had dinosaurs?

Though that would be weird even for SHIELD or Stark. But maybe Asgard....

***

Xander showed up the next morning, nodding at Jane. "So it's today?"

"The calendar online said that the equinox is at 4:22 so it's this afternoon." Xander nodded, settling across from her. "Darcy's sleeping in and our agent friend is already out there looking at it."

"I hope he's enough. I can try to break the portal a bit to get closer to being over there so I can help if I need to." He looked at the man walking in and he stiffened, his mind clearly hitting a few memories. "Oh, shit," Xander muttered.

"Who're you?" Clint demanded calmly.

Xander looked at him. "Xander Harris, watcher to the slayers in my house in South Africa. And I met the you in my realm." Clint blinked a few times. Xander looked at Jane. "So it's going to be a weird few days," he quipped with a slight grin.

"How did you know me, kid?" Clint asked, sitting next to Jane.

Xander hummed. "I'm going to plead no habla englais at the moment," he said, staring at Clint. "Because I'm about to have flashbacks and that says something with how I fight demons." He got up. "I'll be back in a bit. Let me find my axe and machete to make sure they're sharp in case I have to pop over to help." He walked off shaking his head and muttering that it was just his luck. He ran into Darcy and gave her a hug. "I'll try to break it slightly later if I need to help." He disappeared. Darcy just barely heard him swearing and blinked a few times as she walked into the kitchen.

"That's rather freaky," Jane decided.

"Um, yeah, but you had that same look about Sif a few times," Darcy said dryly. Clint winced. "It was over there at least."

"Could be," he agreed with a nod. "But damn it. Why the bad reaction?"

"Xander said he's a dangerous person magnet." Darcy stared at him. "Which you can be when you need to be." Clint winced but nodded. "Talk to him later? When you're both too tired to get up and walk away from it?"

"Yeah, I can do that. Thanks, Darce." He gave her a side hug then let her go make coffee. "Still kinda weird."

"Well, if he comes over here for good, you two can try to date," Darcy quipped.

Clint stared at her. "I do tend to like women."

She grinned. "I've seen." He rolled his eyes but was smiling slightly.

***

Xander came back from helping with a shotgun during the slight invasion of flying ancient chicken ancestors. He flopped down on the porch next to Clint, staring at him. "You good?"

"Few claw and bite marks. Otherwise I'm okay." He looked at his arms then shrugged. "I've had worse in sparring." He looked at him. "So, the me there? We were...an item?"

"For about six weeks. Not a normal thing. I was your way of remembering that you were a human."

"Was I under control?" Clint guessed.

"Yeah and then Loki was killed by a demon in front of you. Me and the girls took out the demon, and you followed us home. One of the slayers realized you were under control and got you free, so you used me to get back to being human."

"I... I probably wasn't good to you."

"No but I get a lot of that. We broke up when another problem happened and you all but gave me to the other one to get his help. Thankfully I heard and fought back and killed three of his people, making him amused. The overlord or warlord wannabe was highly amused at battling slayers being girls." He grimaced. "And it sucked huge. He was good at it but I about killed his scarred ass."

Clint winced. "I'm sorry that me did that, kid."

"I'm over it, Barton. I realize you weren't in your right mind. You used to shoot at agents who showed up to nag my girls." They shared a look. "Not like I'm expecting it to restart. I'd never take your bony ass back. You hated me being able to get off."

"I was that much of an asshole?"

"I'm kinda used to it," Xander admitted. "Almost none of my dates want me to do more than be good to them." He shrugged. "But sometimes you gotta get the bigger weapons to fight a battle."

"You don't have a military or...." He waved a hand in the air.

"Against demons?" Xander asked, looking amused. "Hell no and we can't lean on an agency since they keep trying to confiscate the girls to turn them to their side. Frankly, I blew up three SHIELD bases in the last six weeks due to that shit." Clint slumped, shaking his head. "And got scarred guy's people another time because they wanted to confiscate one of them to blackmail her ex-boyfriend. So I saved her, took out the ex-boyfriend, and then shot into the scarred one's house to blow that up. He was not amused and started to yell so I told him to kiss my ass. He hadn't done that and it might make him a better human if he did. Then I drove off into the dust storm while he ranted and screamed about me." He grinned. "I got rewards from three others for burning his house that way."

Clint patted him on the arm. "That truly sucks."

"Yeah but it's my life. If I give it up, the girls aren't protected. There won't be any slayers in Africa if they leave or die so we'd lose a continent." He shrugged. "Very few groups want to take on dealing with demons. It bothers their religions."

"I can see that but I'd handle them."

"You got kidnaped by the redheaded one after I had you tied up in the barn after that offering thing. She totally snuck in during the night and walked you off. The slayer who saw her leaned out the door and shouted that she should've just asked, they would've given your parts to her." Clint sighed. "So I'm guessing she's got you somewhere."

"The Black Widow...."

"Oh, no, not her. I've seen her comic. She was an Asgardian bitch, not a human one."

"Seriously?"

"Yup." He nodded. "You weren't protesting and when Thor appeared to tell her to stop it, she brought him with you. So that you is still probably on Asgard somewhere."

Clint shook his head quickly. "Shit. Thankfully I wasn't as screwed up as that one."

Xander looked at him. "We're all screwed up somehow, Barton. Every damn last one of us who goes into battles like this and like yours by choice, we're all at least a tiny bit screwed up." He gave him a look. "Yours is tilted a few ways. Mine's tilted a few ways. We'll all be twisted into our final form just before we die of it. Life blows but doesn't give blow jobs and then you die hoping Death's at least got a cute ass."

Clint patted him again. "I hope you don't have to find out for years."

Xander looked at him. "I've been doing this since I was sixteen, Barton. How long do warriors last?" He got up. "You should go rest. Before Darcy gets panicky. I'm pretty sure she's a fussy, nurturing sort that'd panic that you were really hurt." He walked off to go back to his slayers.

Clint looked at his hands. "That me sucked and needed his ass kicked. I hope whatever redhead that was did it a lot." He got up and went inside, making sure no monkeys followed, to let Darcy fuss at him. "I'm fine. Just a few cuts."

Darcy looked him over, handing him the bottle of rubbing alcohol and the jar of cotton balls. "Want help?"

"I'm good." He sat at the table to clean those cuts and bites.

"Did you and Xander talk?"

"Yeah. The me in his realm was a fucking asshole. He needed his ass kicked. But I guess that's how the universe works with alternate realities." She nodded, giving him a hug around the throat. "Did the thing I sent over feed back a location?"

"It did," Jane said. "I reported that to Hill, who was not amused. She said it's the plot of a few cheezy movies rolled together." Clint grinned. "But they probably can't bomb it. She asked that I find a way to disable whatever portal making machine they have."

"Please do. It's weird to fight off dinosaurs."

Jane patted him on the arm. "Thor called you too. He's not amused that you're in a battle."

"He hates to miss battles." He finished cleaning and bandaiding the cuts, scratches, and few bites. He called Thor back to talk to him. "I'm fine, Thor. The pterodactyls were pains to fight but they went home."

Thor frowned. "Are they not dinosaurs? I saw them in the museum Darcy took us to in London."

"Yup, sure are. There's an island somewhere that opens a portal now and then to here."

Thor blinked at him then pulled his hair back. "How did you fight them?"

"Big, wide shotgun blasts." He held up his free hand to show off the bandages. "I'm fine. A few cuts, a few bites. I'm hoping that means I won't turn into a partial one."

"A were-odactyl?" Darcy quipped.

"Yeah, that. With my luck...." He grinned at her then looked at Thor again. "Hill knows where the island that's coming here is so she might need help to go defeat that portal making machine."

"I can gladly break machines. Are the ladies well?"

"Yeah, the dogs are treating them great. Jane's looking fine. Darcy's looking antsy and all but dancing around because she needs to do something but doesn't know what." He pulled her closer so Thor could see her. "See, here she is." A bang came from the hallway. "I think that's the shower portal."

Darcy went that way to listen. "Wow, look at that! Homicide in the shower. Must be easier to clean up," she said loudly, making that male voice laugh. "Too bad I've got a bigger bomb here waiting on whoever tries to come through that portal." He groaned. She went back to the kitchen, shrugging. "Maybe he'll go away for good."

"There's always hope," Clint agreed.

Xander came in, pausing in the hallway. "Damn, look at the babyman being a bitch," he said loudly. "I kinda need that bomb to upgrade it, dear." The voice groaned again. Xander shook his head as he finished coming in. "I swear I know that voice."

Clint went to listen, coming back looking confused. "That's...oh, Scarred!" He blinked at Xander, who shrugged slightly. "Crossbones?"

"Yeah. But I hate his dumb pirate wannabe ass so I don't use his name."

"Yeah, that's who that is. Darcy, that's former STRIKE commander Rumlow. He's HYDRA."

"Then he can gladly stay over there and maybe we'll figure out some sort of better boobytrap in case he gets it open."

Thor cleared his throat. "Can we use that to find him?"

"I could send over a GPS unit," Clint offered. He went to find one in his gear and send it over by sliding it under the door. He came back. "Tell Hill I sent one."

Thor looked behind him. "Clint has sent a GPS unit to wherever that other portal goes to."

"Tell her it's Crossbones."

Thor looked back. "Clint said it's something named Crossbones?" Apparently Hill walked off swearing. "I have not heard her using that language," Thor admitted, looking at the screen again.

Clint grinned. "I've seen her do it in a few languages. Do we have orders about the remains of the dinosaur chickens?"

"Nay, I have not heard."

"We want them," Stark called. "For scientific examination."

"There's like eighty," Clint said. "I'll box 'em up and send them to Stark." Tony leaned into view. "Are you sending someone down to pick them up or should I use Fed Ex?"

"Fly back with them."

"Fine. That'll take days though. I'm not due to leave until the day after tomorrow. I've got to replace a few spots of floor for Darcy." She hugged him around the bicep.

Stark nodded. "I had no idea about the monkeys. I really didn't. Let me know if something doesn't work, Lewis."

"Clint fixed the ice maker so it worked. He can show me how to put in the screens."

Stark nodded. "I have no idea why they didn't add those." He walked off shaking his head.

Clint shrugged at Thor. "I'll be back the day after tomorrow." He waved and hung up, letting Darcy hug him. She was huggy before and had been missing it recently. Xander couldn't really hug, he wasn't that solid.

*** (sent to the list's archive to here, titled weird new story)

Tony Stark walked into the zoo's animal hospital entrance, taking off his sunglasses with a smile for the vet in there. "I didn't get to see you when they went to talk about the monkeys. Is he here?"

"He's with the elephants. Is one sick? He briefed me."

"Another portal opened to a world that had dinosaurs." She winced. "So I'm letting you guys have them to see if they're sick or to hand out to people who would need to see them. The museum people got freaked out and started to scream about Asgard even though it wasn't from there."

"Wow." She called him to let him know Tony was there. "Did the monkeys get hurt? He wanted to know."

"Barton didn't say any did, but a parrot that was flying free had to be dropped at a vet." Another few people came in. He waved and his security team brought in the big crate. "We packed it in dry ice," he told her. "I have no idea who would need to see them, or want to see them, but they're animals."

She looked in the top of the crate them at him. "You're not kidding."

"No. Barton had to switch to a large gauge shotgun instead of his bows." The curator that had went down there came in. "Hey." He shook his hand. "This is what came out of that other portal. The museum people all but seized like an epileptic at a rave about Asgard. Even though we told them it didn't come from there."

"I heard. Any idea where that island is?" Tony grinned, letting him see a scan of the island. "Naturally occurring?"

"We think they based the damn movies on this crackhead from the forties trying it."

"Ah." He nodded, looking in the crate. "That should give some museum people some good models."

"Yes but they screamed and ranted and complained that Asgard did that."

"They're humans too," he said dryly. The vet came in. He held up one of the bodies, without a head. "The portal she mentioned spit out these."

"That's a pterodactyl. I thought she was exaggerating."

"No, and the museum people threw fits." Tony shrugged. "We figured if you guys didn't want to look them over and then hand them to someone reasonable who might be interested, you could find someone reasonable who was interested and wouldn't scream at me or SHIELD or Thor. Thor got *very* confused and they yelled at Pepper too."

"Any idea where the island is?"

"Indian ocean. Someone in the forties bought and claimed it for his science lab. We think someone heard about that guy's stupid ideas and used it to base the movies off of that probably piss you guys off."

"We had to run programs for weeks about how Jurassic Park isn't how modern museums are run," the zoologist agreed. He grinned. "Thank you, Mr. Stark. Will there be more?"

"If we can't break their portal machine? Fall equinox. Thor's looking forward to breaking things like he used to accidentally do to his ex-girlfriend's machines. Have fun." He walked off with his security team nodding before following him.

They looked in the box then the zoologist called a friend. "Apparently some of you yelled at Stark about Asgard having dinosaurs when it was some scientist in the forties. Stark dropped the remains on us if you wanted them. Please do. They're kept well but still." He hung up looking at the vets, who were shaking their heads.

"We are getting very unusual presents this year." He went to make notes on it. The vets could do x-rays and a necropsy to look things over. The archeologist he called showed up later with a bunch of his students to look it over. One of them did write Stark an email to see if they could find the island so they could look it over before it got destroyed. Without bringing samples home with them. The only zoo that wanted a dinosaur to exhibit was the biblical one to prove humans had existed at the same time as them.

***

Jane looked at the video conference call with the head of the science department at Culver University. It was where she and Darcy had went, and where Dr. Banner had turned into the Hulk. The head of the science department was not looking too pleased to be talking to her. "One of our science graduates is the real story behind Jurassic Park apparently. We have records from a few agencies over the years."

The man laughed so she emailed him the scanned photos and files. "I had to help close a portal that went to his island. That's his notes that he filed for a peer reviewed paper that got deleted by Nazis before it got noted. I included the scans I got from SHIELD. And the person listed as trying to redo some of his work for their thesis."

He looked the whole file over, grimacing. "There were what?" She sent over the video from their security system. He watched it. "Not a great view but clearly they were pterodactyls. Dr. Foster, how did you get involved?"

"Portals," she said.

"Oh. Is it closed?"

"Something on that side is opening it twice a year, at summer and fall equinox. Summer's was just this week." The man grimaced but nodded. "I have no idea if there's machines or a natural problem that's doing it. I've asked the people going there to please take notes for me on it. Or to bring back the machine if there was one. But we're getting known for Culver graduating doctors of science who do weird things. He brought back dinosaurs. I get a lot of that for my work. Banner gets it from his work and accident. And there's the nice one who's going to try to redo this person's work."

"Not if I can help it." He went back over it. Then he looked up that thesis list. They kept one so former graduates could look up interns to take in. "I see two that could be based on this."

"I think they're the same person, Dr. Carters. I can only imagine what would happen if they managed it and it got free on the campus. We don't have security protocols for an active shooter, much less a T-Rex."

He looked at her. "I hadn't thought of that but that's a bad idea. I'll gladly talk to them, Dr. Foster. Perhaps they'll be talked into changing their fields."

She grinned. "Please do. And if you have more people with portals, like ABD Darvanta, let me know? What they're trying I figured out six months after I went to New Mexico and I can gladly show them why it didn't work."

"I can talk to her as well. Thank you for that kind offer."

"Science isn't selfish," she said. "Someone has to follow my footsteps in case I die from an experiment. Or to shut it if someone tries to use to invade."

"Yes, they would. I'll...talk to them both." He smiled. "Thank you, Dr. Foster. Have a good day and I hope you present soon?"

"I'm presenting my point-to-point theory at Culver in six months at the symposium." She grinned and hung up.

On the other side of the video conference, the head of the science department was having a quiet panic attack. Culver didn't need the bad press for another weird scientist. At least Foster had proven her wacky ideas and was a credible scientist, but they did not need another incident like Banner's. He had his secretary summon both of those students so he could go over their thesis ideas and how they intended to prove it.

***

Clint walked back into Avengers tower, nodding at the staring people. He got onto the elevator and went upstairs, dropping his bag on the couch so he could look at Bruce Banner and Natasha Romanoff. "I have never wanted an ass plug for a battle before, until I had to cut down flying dinosaurs." He flopped down. "I've never seen a battle that stupid, and that's including Avengers battles against weird people with weird ideas and too much time on their hands. Not even AIM is that weird."

Natasha nodded. "I saw the video you sent me."

He sent her the full battle video with a smirk. "We have a thin spot between ours and another realm there too. He was helping when he could." He looked at Bruce. "A Culver graduate did it."

"That figures. Culver's known for weird scientists with weird ideas." He took the tablet from Natasha to look at that video. "Those are..." He looked at Clint, who nodded. "Other realm?"

"Indian Ocean." He grinned. "He bought it in the forties. Apparently they created the movies about that place."

"I'm not going," Banner said, handing her the tablet back. "I don't care, the Hulk would not like to play with dinosaurs." He got up to walk off, going to talk to Tony Stark, who was finishing his report about the remains he had dropped at the zoo.

Clint grinned at her. "I dropped the two dogs on her. Bullwinkle isn't too sure about Darcy but still tried to protect her from the pterodactyls. She's fussed so hard over them. They're hiding from the petting. But they do like the monkeys."

"Do the monkeys like the pterodactyls?"

"No. They hid from them."

"That's great. Did you get checked for weird germs?"

"They're from this realm."

"Uh-huh."

"Darcy bandaged my cuts, scrapes, and few bite marks." She got up and hauled him up to walk him to their infirmary. "I'm fine, Natasha."

"I'm sure you are. We're going to make sure before something on them infects and you lose an arm. You can't really be an archer with one arm, Clint." He nodded, letting her handle him. She walked into the infirmary, rerunning that film for them to see. The nurses stared at the video then looked at Clint, who got an arm held up. "He noted cuts, scrapes, and a few bites." The nurses came to drag Clint to an exam room so they could check the injuries and swab them for weird things. Natasha sat down to wait on him. Steve Rogers came in so she let him see the video of the battle.

"What the f..." he started to mutter then sighed and handed it back. "Clint all right?"

"Making sure of that right now."

"Good. Let me know." He walked off shaking his head and muttering.

"I remember when Clint did that to me," she sighed. "I've adapted too far." She relaxed, checking her emails until they released Clint.

***

Darcy heard shouting and walked over to where she could hear it. It was a thin spot so she tried to get over there. She caught the eye of one of the slayers, who came over to tell her how. She strolled over, leaning on Xander's shoulder to stare at the scarred guy sneering at the girls. "Hey. How're you today?" He glared at her. She smirked. "Keep it up and keep staring at my boyfriend that way. Watch me light your balls on fire." The guy laughed. But Xander fired on him and the guy went down with a scream. She kissed him on the cheek with a wink. "Nice job, dear. Come help me make the girls cookies?"

"Girls, help Darcy make cookies while we have a talk. You don't need to see this." He grinned at Darcy. "You're sweet." She grinned and nodded. "And probably the nicest being that ever said I was hers." She strolled off with the girls coming with her. He stared at the guy. "So," he said, crossing his arms over his chest then letting them fall. "How're you today?" The man glared as he stood up. Xander stared back. "Did you need something?"

"You do. There's a battle coming up."

"Well, yeah, but I'm going to be thinking outside the box. Dominique has agreed to help." The man glanced around then at him. "And I do have other things ready for that. I didn't even use them when Darcy's world got invaded by dinosaurs." He shrugged and walked off. "I've got to help them make cookies. Have a great day, Selfish Asshole. I don't think I want a lover who doesn't want me to have fun too."

He shot him a look before walking inside and slamming the door. He went to warn Darcy that the guy was dangerous, deadly, and fairly evil. The guy outside was huffing and complaining loudly. He ordered his people to get Xander and the girls from the house. Of course, the house was protected and they fried grandly thanks to it. He huffed off complaining even more.

***

Darcy came down a few days later to find the board holding the shower portal closed moved. It was definitely further into the hallway. She kicked it back into place and made sure it was locked. No key in the lock though. She considered it then got some duct tape from Jane's stash to put over the lock. That way no one was looking through it. She found a mirror sliding under the door and stepped on it, breaking it.

"Shit, this is going to suck." She sent a picture of the broken mirror and door to Frank and Clint. Clint said they'd get to distract him later that day, they had already planned that. Castle told her where he had left things and had her go set off another gas grenade. She did that and heard some guy, who wasn't the ones she'd heard before, swearing. The New Yorker guy was swearing in the background as he coughed.

She listened for a bit longer, hearing when the SHIELD teams attacked that house. There was gunfire and shouting and swearing. So hopefully it was safer. The door rattled. She considered it and moved the board because they couldn't replace it, and held her taser ready. The door did open and she zapped them, making them fall back through with a scream.

She grabbed the key off the floor and slammed the door shut before locking it, bracing it, and then walking off again. The duct tape went back on the lock on their side so no one could look through it. She asked Frank's phone how to brace that better so they couldn't come through. Since they had moved that bracing board.

He gave her a few ideas, one of which was easier done. Extra locks that hit on the outside of the door so they couldn't be picked? Yeah, that could help. She could go to the hardware store later. They needed more bullets too, and vegetables until the garden came in. The monkeys were quiet so she looked outside. They weren't in the trees. She went to check the basement, they were hiding in there.

She looked around, finding a scarred guy there staring at her from Xander's realm. She shrugged. "Dude, don't break the barrier or we'll have hell on both sides." From behind her, something broke loudly. Had to be wooden. Yup, that was two guys in body armor and a SHIELD guy behind them. She zapped the first one and the other one stared at the other guy over her shoulder. It was the guy from this realm. "Yeah, we've got portals." She shoved him into the agent, who tried to get him down.

The guy knocked down the agent and shot the other guy in the chest, making him sneer since he had body armor. "Hit his nuts," Darcy ordered. "He's got weapons the slayers over there need to protect people." The guy shrugged and shot him in the nuts, making him fall down screaming. "Thank you. Now, kindly do yourself since you've just made my witness protection area less safe?"

He stared at her. She stared back. "Really." The dogs came out to growl at him. He smirked. And then someone hit him on the back of the head, knocking him out. "Hey, thanks." She waved. "Go home?" The agent stared at her. She stared back. "Really. Go the fuck home with them." She waved a hand. "Before I have to throw them in the bay?"

Hill came jogging through. "Lewis!"

"Hill. Take your puppies home?"

"Gladly. Good boys," she told the dogs. "Hold them for me. Boys, come get them. Lewis, scram." She ran for the side of the house. She glared at the agent. "She is in witness protection," she said quietly. "Do not say a single word or I will have you in the Raft as a guest instead of as a guard." He nodded, helping by picking up one of the running people to bring back there. She got the ones that weren't Rumlow. Two of her agents got him to drag off. "How did you get through that?"

"It was weird so we looked," one of the idiot agents complained. "They tried to drive us off but we're not superstitious."

Hill sneered. "Pity about that." She got them into the transport jet, getting out of the way of the duo hauling Rumlow. She had a bad feeling about that. "Sedate him. Fully sedate him." They tried and he got free and escaped to a hidden area. "Shit. Someone go make sure that portal is closed."

"She's relocked it and is planning a few extra locks," Clint said as he came out. "We can blow up the house though. It might solve that problem."

"If that works, go for it. Rumlow's somewhere inside."

He shrugged. "He's HYDRA. Am I gonna care?" He went to lay explosives with some help. "There's ten minutes before this building blows up," he announced loudly. "Anyone still in here, well, we'll laugh." He walked off. Rumlow did grab a few things and went back into his bunker. Including a parrot. Clint found two guard dogs and brought them with him to the portal to go back to Darcy's house. And he did filch things from the office area that looked like financial records. Darcy could use that. Clint could split it with her.

Darcy looked at him as he let the two dogs loose. They sniffed the other two dogs. He heard another dog so went back to get it and waved at Hill before disappearing again. He found a card on the floor in front of the shower so took it with him since it was a credit card. It was nice of Rumlow to provide for his dogs. He grinned as he closed that portal, holding the door shut as the explosives went off. He looked. "Closed." He relocked the door and put the key on the fridge again with a grin for her. "Shouldn't need the board you'll trip over either."

"What was that noise?" Jane yelled.

"Clint blew up the house with the shower," Darcy called. "And we have a few more dogs."

"Cool. Hopefully they're nice." She came out to stare at the rottweilers. "Well, they look tough." The two pitbulls were sniffing them. Darcy came over to let them sniff her and took off their harnesses, letting them free for now. They barked and got into happy puppy mode. "We need to get them new toys." Clint untucked the toys he had found for them from his jacket, letting the dogs have them to play with. Darcy got hers their toys too. They all settled down to be dogs together. "We'll need more stuff."

"I can do that," Clint agreed with a grin, holding up the card. "Rumlow left that in front of the shower when I was getting the third dog."

"He could track it," Darcy said.

"True, but we'll do a cash advance." He winked. "Natasha can route it through somewhere else." He walked off calling her. "We exploded Rumlow's house while he was in a bunker and I saved dogs. He put a credit card in front of the portal." He held it up.

"I'll max it out and wire you the money." He took pictures of the card's front and back. "Give me thirty minutes to do the EFT. Can you pick it up today?"

"Within an hour or so. Darcy has three new dogs I found there." He grinned and hung up.

Darcy was nodding as she fixed breakfast. "Go check on the monkeys, Clint? They're in the basement."

"Yeah." He went to do that. "Guys, it's okay now," he called. The monkeys came out to check on things, going to pick out of the trees and garden areas. Darcy came out with food for them and Clint went inside after her, making sure none of the monkeys came in. He'd still install the extra locks later, just in case Rumlow survived. He had survived a major skyscraper falling on him. He might've survived the house falling on him.

***

Rumlow checked the security cameras that were still around, making sure he was alone before he came up. Nope, still two agents watching for him. His office's camera was still active in the safe so it had survived. It was supposed to be able to fireproof up to four thousand degrees so that was good. His second-in-command wasn't there so he sent him a simple text of 'ha ha, they thought I'd die this time?' and didn't get an answer back but that was fine.

"Where was that lady earlier?" he asked his phone, getting into the location feature. Google location would tell him everywhere his phone had been. "The US," he said dryly, staring at it. "Southern US. Huh." He nodded. "We can handle that. She can tell me why there was a ghostly version of me there that she asked me to shoot."

He considered what was now missing. Including his parrot's food. Though he had heard Barton so his dogs were probably with him, wherever he had went, and he had seen his second-in-command drop his credit card in front of the shower for the dogs after Barton had raided the desk. He used the backdoor his hacker had created into SHIELD's files to add a note to the raid about the dogs having certain needs. One had a grain allergy and one was allergic to sand fleas so probably regular fleas. Then he looked at the other files associated with Barton.

One was locked so high even Fury couldn't get into it. Or the Security Council when he tried the password he had from one of them he had blackmailed. He swore he'd seen that woman before. He went back over his old cases to find her. He frowned, running into Dr. Foster's file. "Huh. Her assistant," he said, realizing it was her. "Interesting. Why is she in witness protection?"

He went looking once he had her name, finding it in the FBI's systems. They had worse digital security than even banks did. Yup, there it was and he nodded. "That's a good reason," he decided. "Yeah, I won't use that." He backed out to make sure he wasn't tracked. He checked the cameras again, not finding the agents.

He went up to see if he could find the parrot food and maybe a pet carrier. If not, he'd have to find a way to use that portal again. His dogs were the reason he had the parrot, they had adopted him one day. He and his bird snuck off to get a flight to England and then the US. Atlanta would be a good place to start. And he had some nice contacts there. Or maybe New York. He had more contacts there and he had recognized a few voices now that he had put things together.

***

Frank Castle was lured into a trap by minions posing as an Irish mob guy who had stolen his kids away from his ex-wife and groaned as they got him. "At least you're not the police," he sneered at Rumlow.

"Yeah, not likely." He stared at him. "Tell me about Darcy Lewis."

"Torture me."

"Not into that today." He moved closer, letting his new minions hold Castle tighter. "She has my dogs thanks to Barton."

"She's good with dogs," he admitted. "Mine adored her and Barton got her two pits to love on."

"Good. That's good. I didn't think she'd hurt them but she did have me shoot the other version of me in the balls when I managed to get through that portal."

Frank shrugged. "Oh well?"

"How were there two of us?"

"No clue how that worked. I'm not Foster."

"Portal? Something else?" Frank shrugged again. "Castle, don't make me mad." He sighed, staring at him. "I don't care about her really. I just want to make sure of a few things. Like that my dogs are safe with her."

"They're probably very safe with her."

"Uh-huh. Are there other animals? I might let my parrot go there. The dogs adopted it off a tree one day. They love the loud thing."

"There's plenty of trees. Some bats nearby." He shrugged again. "Can it live wild?" This was probably the weirdest conversation he'd ever been part of. Even ones with Murdock weren't this weird.

"Yeah, it had been." He shifted his weight to stare at him. "I'm not going to interrupt why she's there and hiding, Castle. That's a business I won't stand to have going on. She's safe from me for that reason."

"She'd better be safe forever and ever from you, asshole. Even if you kill me, there's others."

"Yes, Barton," he said dryly.

"Nah. Foster was dating Thor. Thor's been pouting that he missed Darcy. His lightening sister."

"I don't want to tangle with Thor," he admitted. "I just want to figure some things out. Like how there were two of me."

"Not my thing. I don't do science."

"Is that one of me here? He looked like a ghost."

"No clue." He shrugged again. One of the minions grabbed him better. Castle tried to fight back but Brock hit him with a pain stick, making him hiss and flinch away. "Asshole," he said smugly.

"Yeah, well, it's a lifestyle." He stared at him. "How many others know about her? That way I can remove a lot of them for my dogs' safety?"

Frank shrugged again. "No clue. I only guarded her on the way down."

Someone behind them broke in. "I doubt the lady in question would like this conversation." They knocked out the two minions but Brock got out of the way and Castle didn't quite catch him. He got his shirt but not him. They ran after him and lost him in the alleys. "Let me tell Barton," the second guy said, calling him. "It's Murdock. We just lost Rumlow and I heard him asking about Darcy and his dogs."

"He's got a parrot, apparently the dogs adopted it. He wanted to know why there was another version of him there in Xander's world," Frank said, taking the phone. "Please." He hung up and handed the phone back. "Thank you."

"Welcome. Let's go after our actual target."

"Gladly. It's nice bad guys worry about their dogs but weird."

"He was a SHIELD agent so...." Murdock shrugged at that. Then he grinned. "Darcy might like to use him for fish bait. Monkeys eat fish, right?"

"Yeah, I think they're eating anything animals according to the zoo. I checked on the ones they kept. Crappy went to St. Louis but the cuddly thing that kept trying to go with us is up here."

"That's nice of her."

A minion heard that, going to tell his boss. Who wasn't Rumlow but Rumlow decided he was scum and in his way later that night so he took him out and heard that minion saying that. That helped him somewhat. Murdock and Castle would be amused when they heard but it would send some of SHIELD into a fit. It'd send Hill into a panic when she heard he had been asking about Lewis.

***

Thor, who was barely back from Asgard, got up to answer the knock on his door, nodding at Stark, Barton, and Hill. "What has happened?" He let them into his apartment. "Is there something wrong with Jane and Darcy?"

"There was a set of other portals," Clint told him. "Beyond the other realm and the dinos, there's two portals in the hallway. "One led to a place where Frank Castle found them chopping up bodies and got it stopped. The other one led to a house in Sicily that was being used by a HYDRA operative. A former SHIELD guy who turned. He found out about the portal when they were blocking it and found a way through it once. We blew up the house the portal was on in Sicily but I evacuated the dogs they had to Darcy's for her to rescue them." Thor nodded at that. "And now he's looking for his dogs."

"Dogs are important to many. She would probably give them back. Can we negotiate with him to do such?"

"He's evil, Thor. We want to shoot him, not give him back his dogs," Stark said.

"So he goes for them to get his dogs back himself?"

"He managed to make it through the portal once and found the other realm there," Clint said. "Darcy said he saw himself and had him shoot himself because that version was even more evil. It distracted him for a few minutes but that's when SHIELD broke in so it focused him on that." Thor nodded once. "We're not sure he won't show up there to ask them in person."

"Darcy and Jane can protect themselves," Thor said.

"Yes and the security system is great," Stark agreed. "Including taking out any boats or bigger things that come near the island. It'll start with a diversion for animals but non-organic forms are toast. We're not sure he can't find a way past that."

Thor nodded. "I could go for a visit."

"Jane's got a symposium coming up in two weeks," Stark said. "To present her point-to-point portal theories. She moved it up due to Culver having a fit on the science department again." Thor winced. "She'll need guarded for that. Can you do that or would you rather guard Darcy while Clint guards Jane?"

"I would go guard Jane. There's Asgardians who worry about her science and who might attack."

"You'll have a few agents backing you up," Agent Hill said. "Barton can probably handle the island with the dogs and monkeys plus the security system." Clint nodded. "Stark, can you up it so it's lethal to anyone not with an ID card?"

"That's how I exempted their boat. Clint carries one so he can get down there."

"I will watch for this man to show up to talk to Jane."

"We'll give you his dossier later," Hill agreed. "Thank you, Thor."

"You're welcome. I would never want harm to come to Jane." Stark patted him on the arm as they left. "Clinton, tell me about Darcy?"

"Sure." He came back to talk to him about Darcy and how she was doing. She was going a bit nuts with only having Jane around but she was finding other things to do. She was even thinking about crafting some things so she could start an Etsy shop or something. Plus she had the monkeys and dogs.

***

Darcy came down the stairs. "Hey!" she called. The dogs quit barking at the monkeys outside. And the guy out there. "Oh, hey." She let Xander in and shooed out the monkeys. "You know you're not allowed in here," she ordered. "You mess up things! I'll put out food in a minute." She shoved out the last one and closed the door, making Xander chuckle. The new dogs came to sniff him, looking very confused.

"Hey, pupkins." He petted them all. "It's okay. I'm not a mean one." He looked at Darcy. "That one's still pouting."

"Good." She smirked a tiny bit. "His version here that showed up is asking questions about me." He hugged her, letting her hug him back. "Thanks, Xander."

"You're welcome." He punched her on the arm. "I need something to do that's not training or talking to teenage girls or tv."

"I have a few board games. Or laundry I was doing."

"Board games in the laundry room sounds nice." She grinned, getting some things to go upstairs to the laundry again. They settled in to play Clue first while she switched around her things. Jane's laundry went into the washer and she sat down.

Jane came up a bit later. "Darcy, have you seen my plaid shirts?"

"Two are in the dryer. One's in the washer," she said.

"Damn." She looked in the washer then put the lid back down. "It's in rinse?"

"Yup. And you only have two things left in your basket. If you need to change." She looked at her. "Which is probably a good idea." She got up to get the stain treater, taking the shirt from her to get the ink out of it. "Go steal one of mine, Jane."

"I can do that." She went to steal one of Darcy's t-shirts. "Oh, hey," she told the slayer in there. "Darcy's doing laundry and playing Scrabble with Xander in the laundry room." She found a shirt to put on.

"That's fine. I know he was bored since our usual trip to town today was canceled." She went into the bathroom and looked around. "Cool! All mine!" She closed the door so she could soak.

"Don't use the lavender stuff," Jane called. "Darcy's possessive over that." She went back to the laundry room. Darcy was still working at the ink. "One of the girls is hogging your tub."

"That's fine," Darcy agreed with a grin for her. "I said that's fine for them to do." Jane grinned, taking her mostly empty basket back with her. That shirt could go in with the last load, which was sheets and towels. Darcy hummed as she worked then came back to take her turn. "Sorry."

"I do the same thing all too often," he admitted, staring at her. "You okay?"

"I'm good. Bored but good. I've been looking up crafty things to see if there's something I can do. Maybe start a small shop on Etsy." One of the dogs sniffed from the doorway. "You can come in here. This room isn't off limits, Bo." The dog came in and laid beside her, letting her pet his wide, square head. "Good boy." She grinned at Xander. "Rescued from that scarred guy's compound by Clint. So now we have five dogs."

"They're all cute. The rotties are adorable. The pits are cuddly. It's good for you." He grinned. "And the monkeys probably drive them all nuts."

"Could be," she agreed. "I find myself outside petting them at least a few times a day." He grinned. "And they're still helping Jane unless she's got the machines on." She smirked. "One erased a few numbers of her math. She yelled for hours at the monkey that did it. I had to go save it and closed the door on her." He snickered, leaning over to hug her and pet the dog.

Jane leaned in again. "I wasn't trying to be mean."

"I know. You were frustrated." Jane nodded, walking off. "Go play with the dogs."

"I'm going to sit on the porch and play fetch while petting monkeys." She went to do that, pouting that the one monkey was avoiding her. "I'm sorry I yelled," she told it. "But the numbers are important to me. They're the reason I get up in the morning." She reached over and it let her pet it then ran off. "Sorry," she sighed. She saw something zap something in the water and sighed. "Must've been someone too close." She went back to petting furry things.

On the mainland, Brock smirked at his failed minion's plight. He sent the backup team to pull that boat back so the rental people could have it back. "Stark built that," he decided with a smirk. "We can work around that." He'd try with a canoe later but that got diverted and zapped too. He went out to paddle around himself, seeing how strong it was.

He could hear the sound system that was driving people away and that was another thing to consider. And how to get his parrot out there for the dogs. He went back to the hotel to consider his current plans. He checked the guard plans and found Foster was going off for science things in a few days.

He could go then. He spotted Barton when he was out for dinner, following him. He had some sort of device that let him go to the island. He put a minion to watch for him. His parrot could go out with him. Barton liked animals, he'd never hurt his bird.

***

Brock ended up swimming out. It was a bit of a swim, almost five miles at the nearest point, on the back of the island. He had been a SEAL so that wasn't too far. The parrot had gotten the hint on the second attempt, taking off for the island from the boat. Which made Barton huff since there had been three birds that had come out with him. Maybe the monkeys would drive them off. Brock had earplugs in to avoid the noise system.

He had on a dive suit without tanks so he didn't register as more than a creature. The system was still uncomfortable for him to cross but he managed the mile it lasted. Then he was inside and managed to get onto the island and hide before Barton got out there. With the dogs of course. But his dogs were loyal and wouldn't turn him in.

The one that found him he grinned and petted. "Go back to your girl, Humper," he whispered in his ear. "Your girl needs you. I'll see you soon." The dog left him alone and went back to Barton to bark at him. He waited until Barton had went on but the asshole had put a flash grenade trap near the tree he was hiding in and it went off.

He had to get back into the water before the arrows hit him. He got two cuts but nothing sank in fully before he went back under the water. Clint set up to wait on him to come back up for air. He swam to another area to come up but monkeys shrieked at him. Why were there monkeys! He moved further on, finding a small cave that had water inside it and bats. A lot of bats.

He had to move very slowly not to wake them up and freak them out so they'd tell his location. Of course, a light came on so he had to dive again and try a different location. More monkeys. And he was getting tired. The next one he tried, underneath the dock, was at least safe for now. No dogs. No visible monkeys yelling about him. The dogs were playing in the yard and he could barely see the girl playing with them.

Barton was probably still on the other side of the island. Nope, there he was. And he played with the dogs so that was nice. The parrot was next to the dogs, sunning itself in the late afternoon sunlight. The dogs sniffed it a few times. The ones that hadn't come from him were very confused seeming but the monkeys didn't bother it and the dogs just sniffed it until it squawked so they barked back. "Two extra dogs," he murmured to himself. "We can handle that."

He felt something against his leg and looked, nearly freaking out at the tentacle. "What the fuck are you?" he hissed. He checked, Barton didn't hear him. Then again, Barton was slightly deaf. One of the dogs had heard him and was sniffing so he went further into the shadows. The tentacle got barked at but that ghostly looking guy showed up to nag at the tentacle so it disappeared. "Dominique," he mouthed. "Sure."

Xander walked back up there. "She was playing with something under the pier," he told Darcy, kissing her on the forehead. "Want a gun? Or a crossbow?" Clint pointed at his bow. "You sure?"

"Yeah. I know who it is, and he's bad news, but I'll sink him into the ocean," he said more loudly. "He should probably flee for the mainland again." No movement. "Oh well." He went to fire on Rumlow until he swam off again. He got him this time, he heard him cuss at one injury so tracked that to get him again. The one into his butt cheek didn't go far enough in to stay but it did hit him there and he had to swim off. Thankfully he had minions waiting to help him onto a boat. Clint grinned and waved. "Don't try it again," he yelled. He sent Hill a note and then sent it to the local FBI agent he had talked to. They sent out an order to pick up Rumlow for SHIELD. Clint went back to sit on the porch, petting the three new dogs. "Yeah, your former human was an idiot but you're safe now, dogs." He petted the other two. "Good boys. You're all good boys."

"Why didn't any girls come?" Darcy asked.

"Maybe he only wanted boys." He shrugged. "No idea but no puppies either."

"That's a good thing," she agreed. She petted all her dogs. They were good dogs. And good monkeys and a good bird too for some reason. She looked at the birds. "Why?"

"He had one. Apparently his dogs adopted the parrot."

"Oh. Okay. Sure. Do I need to buy food for that one too?"

"Probably. Use his money to do it."

"I am. The extra dog food too. You don't think he's just trying to get his dogs back, right?" She frowned at him.

"No," Clint said with a head shake. "He asked Castle about the other him when he had him captured for a few seconds."

"Oh. That was a cluster fuck of a day." She cuddled the monkey that was climbing up her. "Hey, little girl." She settled in to play with Darcy's hair. Xander grinned. "They're good to have around. Even if they can't talk to me."

"They are good," Xander agreed. He petted the nearest dog, getting a bark but it was a happy bark and that one went onto his back for belly rubs. "Good boy." He got into his belly loves for now.

Clint kept watch in case they tried again. Rumlow was persistent. He wouldn't give up with just one attempt.

***

Darcy woke up to the monkeys heaving a fit outside and got up to check by turning on the lights. No extra visitors. No, someone was knocking. She went down to answer the door. "Frank?" He nodded, walking in and shutting the door after making sure the monkeys hadn't followed. "Why are the monkeys going off?"

"Big storm coming," he said. She sighed, going to get her phone to check the weather reports. She did send Clint a text message but he agreed it was Frank a minute later. But he was walking weird. Darcy came out to stare at him. "Injured?"

"A bit," he admitted. "But I came to help." He grinned.

She pointed and he went to his room while she got the first aid kit for him. She helped him bandage things then he settled in to rest for now. The house had storm shutters and the monkeys would hide. The parrot...well, it got to hide with the monkeys. The dogs fretted and watched it fly off. Darcy went out to get it and carried it into the sitting room she didn't use, letting it rest on a fake tree she had in a corner. It wasn't that strong but it'd be safe in here. The dogs came in to hang out with it.

"Don't crap on anything but the tree," she warned it. "I clean up enough crap with the monkeys." She left it in there. There was a small dish of water for the dogs. The parrot could drink out of it. There was a mouse somewhere in the kitchen so it could probably eat it if it wanted to. Or the dogs would go back to scaring it to death soon. She set off the storm protections and it locked down the house. She heard the monkeys yelling in alarm so she reopened that window for them in case some got trapped.

She went to put a few chairs in front of it to block it from anything being blown in. That made them calm down. "Guys, we're protecting you from the big storm coming. Just chill out, okay?" She went to check Jane's lab, finding the door open. "Damn it, Henrietta," she muttered. That tamarin that loved Jane could open doors so she got it out of there and relocked the door, making sure all the windows had shields on them.

Jane's bedroom had a slightly open window so she shut that too. The shield would've protected it but still not a good idea. Henrietta the tamarin got put into the monkey habitat in the basement for now. The rain started so she looked up. "That looks mean." She went inside to lock the house down at the higher levels and checked her dogs, and her parrot she guessed. Or the dogs' parrot anyway. They were all settled in.

She went upstairs and found her two pits had followed her. "Sure, we'll cuddle. I'm sure storms scare you two." They snuggled in around her. Right before she fell asleep, the other three came up to curl up around her and the parrot came in to nap in her bathroom. They curled up with her under the sheets, with one of the rotties having a head stuck out the bottom of the sheet to make sure they found anyone sneaking in.

Clint and Frank stared from the doorway the next morning, shaking their heads. They went down to start coffee and deal with any storm damage. Frank stopped Henrietta from trying to break into the lab by carrying her back to the porch area. Clint put out fruit, letting her alert that it was there. The other monkeys braved the light remaining rain to come get food then went back to hiding. "I guess their fur gets messy when it's wet," Clint quipped.

"I'd hate wet fur too," Frank said. He sat down, looking around the yard. "I don't see any damage."

Clint looked at the security system. "One of the chairs blew off the porch and broke against a tree. The two she used to block the monkey shelter are turned over but still whole. One of the dog houses we put up a tree is listing down thanks to a broken branch. Nothing too big to fix." He made notes of where they could get more easily. He'd have to do it for Darcy, or Frank would, so Rumlow didn't get near her. He looked at Frank. "Came to guard her?"

"Not totally. More hiding from New York."

Clint nodded. "I can see that point. They going to send people after you?"

"No. Not for that reason. Just a lot of boy scout stress. Murdock is driving me nuts with his ethics and shit." He sipped more coffee. "I walked before I yelled at him."

"I've had that feeling but everyone has an ethical line they gotta stand on or we fall into the dark." He stared at him. "You have one because you don't hit innocents."

"True. I'm not that dark." He looked at the dog coming in sniffing. "Want outside?" It barked so he let it out to pee in the yard. It barked loudly and the rest came down to do that. The parrot flew after the three rotties, making both guys shake their heads. Still no Darcy so she was sleeping in. Clint got the dogs fed and the parrot found the mouse, pouncing it to eat. "Thanks," Frank told it. "I tried to shoot it but it ran too fast." He got up to make more coffee. Clint got his own and they settled to watch the sunlight come out of the rain. Clint turned off the storm protections, making it nicer in the house with the shields down. They got some air flow. It smelled nice.

***

Xander came out of the hallway. "I mean it, leave the girls the hell alone, asshole!" He flinched at Frank, who smirked waved at him. "Didn't expect you here. My ex is being a douchebag." He went out back to get away from him. Frank watched as the ghostly male figure followed complaining.

"I can take your girls hostage so you have to work with me," that version of Rumlow complained. He paused to stare at Frank then walked on shaking his head. At least until he ran into Clint, who smirked and put a gun to his head. "Oh, not mine."

"No I'm not and you'd better leave those girls alone. And no still means no." He waved his free hand. "Shoo. Now." He pointed. "Go."

"I can do that," Xander said.

"I'm practicing for when our version tries again," Clint said. He looked at that ghostly version of Rumlow. "It seems bullets will penetrate and you're not Barnes. You don't have that sort of serum." He grinned. "Shoo. Be a better man." Rumlow huffed but stomped off. Xander punched him on the arm, going to check on his girls. Clint put his gun up, looking at the dogs. "Sometimes, people are the things that suck the most," he told them. "Thankfully your girl is good and doesn't suck."

Darcy leaned out. "Well....." She grinned. "Thanks, Clint." She went back to making lunch.

Clint grinned at the dogs. "She might be good at that type. Never asked." He went back to his game of fetch with balls. They all enjoyed that and the monkeys clapped when they brought the balls back. He got one of the tiny ones to catch a small ball and play with it so that was good. The monkeys were probably bored too.

***

Jane looked up after her speech was finished and she was off to the side of a room calming down and making notes, smiling at Thor. "Hey." She gave him a one-armed hug. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Jane. There were two who wanted to break in to stop you but I talked to them and they've agreed they want to give up." He smiled at her. "You sounded brilliant."

"Thanks." She grinned. "It's really easy to work on the island and we have plenty of readings."

"That's good. How is the other one?"

"She's going a bit nuts with the boredom, but she's handling it okay. Clint's with her."

"I heard." She smiled. "We should have lunch."

"I have nothing this afternoon. The only one I wanted to talk to I argued with during my presentation." She smirked. "Feed me, please. I haven't been nagged about eating for days." Thor laughed but led her off to feed them both. Jane was brilliant and far too bright for the dim halls of Asgard's court. Them breaking up had been the right thing.

Of course, someone tried to grab Jane so she got to be rescued again. Though, she turned on something and the tiny portal ripped that person apart. She grinned at him. He stared then at her. "That was probably mean, Jane."

"Probably," she agreed. "But effective. No one's going to do it again."

"Hmm. True." He walked her off, hand on her back. The agents watching the symposium could come talk to her later. "An area between or true void?"

"True void. That's why it ripped him apart." She shrugged. "I hate being grabbed." He patted her but got her coffee as soon as they sat down and made sure she had plenty of food. The more hungry she was, the more mean she became.

***

Brock was using his new telescope on the island again when his second-in-command came in. "What?" he asked patiently.

"Why are you so focused on that? You wouldn't normally focus on your dogs that way."

He straightened up. "It's a mystery and I hate mysteries." He stared at him. "There was another me there. More scarred and in heavier body armor than I usually wear. Apparently he was threatening her or something because she nicely asked me to shoot him in the balls when the chest shot was blocked. She looked really relieved. So why was there another version fo me there and does he have things I could use or steal to make our lives better?"

"I got one of Hill's little minions drunk." He smirked. "That's got a thin spot between realms. Hence the portal into your former shower and that extra you."

"Really? What's with that realm?"

"He had no idea but he knew the realm portal thing was real because that's where the gray monkeys came from. Also, there's been some guy that remote surveillance spotted. No matching image but Jane Foster's and Castle's reports both named him Xander Harris and him something called a watcher over slayers." He held up a comic. "Which we have a bit of as a comic."

"So they're a side realm to ours," Brock said. His second-in-command nodded with an evil looking smirk. "Is he safe around her?"

"Apparently he's a demon hunter and fighter of apocalypse battles." Brock blinked a few times. "So that you may help him with that or you may've been taken over by a demon or something. Remote cameras and satellite show some teenage girls now and then showing up the same way. So the guy's at least protecting them, if not working with them since the comic said that they're called as teenage girls and that guy wasn't the sort to let teenage girls do anything like that without help."

"So he's their trainer," he said, considering that. "Then why would they be worried about that me?"

"If he's like this you, he's probably running arms and the kids need them." He shrugged. "No real clue."

"That answered some of it." He walked over to get the comic, flipping through it. "Wow, she's yappy."

He grinned. "Very. But the relative age of the guy against that one, she's probably about thirty."

"Huh." He kept scanning the comic, nodding slightly. "So maybe that me was trying to help and getting shoved off?"

"No idea. Lewis is a strong girl though. She tazed a few of the guys who made it through before you. Barton got them a lot of guns recently because, get this, one of the portals went to a place that had pterodactyls." Brock stared at him oddly. "Yeah! They had to fight flying dinosaurs recently." He smirked. "They gave the remains to the Bronx zoo to hand out to museum people after they looked them over.

"There's talk that it's an island in the South Pacific but no address was put into the file." He held up a thumb drive. Brock took it to run the file, then muttered at it. "Right after that thing opened, Foster called Culver for about a half-hour to talk to someone in her former science program about them. Culver put out information that they were removing a few of the graduate students for their topics of study."

"So they based that damn movie on this place?"

"Could be." He nodded with a grin. "No clue but it seems to be coincidental."

"Anything on that island so we can hack the satellite? Someone like Ramona would love a pet dino."

He shrugged but grinned. "No f-ing clue, boss. They didn't give an address yet."

He sighed. "See if we can find it. A few people would adore having such things as pets. They like the exotics." He went back to his telescope. "There's that guy." He let his second-in-command look. "He had something like a sentient vine he named Dominique."

"Great." He frowned. "That's a lot of monkeys. They're climbing all over her." He let his boss have it back. The dogs were barking at the monkeys but Darcy was calmly petting the dogs' heads while she sat down on the porch. The monkeys quit being so panicky once she sat down.

"So...." Brock said, straightening up. "Are they normal monkeys?"

"She called the Bronx zoo down to look at 'em. They thinned the group some but left most of 'em for her to fuss at with Foster. Foster's talk a few days ago credited a tamarin monkey she named Henrietta for her help and others for helping nag her into being able to survive long enough to get that out of her head."

"That was Lewis' job before," Brock agreed. "I barely remember them from New Mexico." He frowned but went back to watching. His second-in-command hooked the telescope up to a tv screen, letting it be shown that way. "Thanks. Didn't realize it could."

"That's why I changed it to that style." He walked off, leaving him with that information. It'd drive him nuts to figure out that mystery. Why had that other him been so scary to a girl? Especially that one?

***

Brock was going to make his second attempt. He was prepared for the sound diversion device, the monkeys ratting him out, and all the problems he had last time. He decided to go later at night, when everything but the bats were asleep. Even the noisy parrot that he didn't really like would be asleep. If he didn't make it this time he'd go back to the old house to see if he could get through the portal from that side.

That might actually be easier but it wasn't guaranteed. Him swimming out, he could make the island at least. He got his minions out to spot him in case something happened again, though they got driven off from the waterway by the police because apparently you couldn't boat after midnight. So they took off from farther up and came out toward the island on the far side.

Brock slid into the water and swam out there, wincing as he ran into the system to drive him off. He put in his earplugs, and that helped but the vibrations were still giving him a headache. He made it to the cave where the bats lived, getting out and checking as he moved out of the cave. No monkeys this time. He snuck toward the house but felt something hit his skull before he blacked out. He woke up in the water with his minions pulling him into their boat. "What?" he murmured, wincing as his head moved.

"Castle." His second-in-command smirked. "Big rock."

"Great." He passed back out.

Frank checked for anything Brock may have left, bringing it into the house to show Barton. That way if there was anything SHIELD could use, they could have it. Clint stared at him from the piano, then shook his head. "How far did he make it this time?"

"On the ground from the bat's cave."

"That's why I moved that sensor out there." He went back to playing for some stress relief. Thankfully Darcy was asleep upstairs with the dogs.

***

Thor looked up as he and Jane landed, walking her up to the house, smiling at the hominess of it. "This has turned out well." He paused to stare at the parrot then petted it gently before following Jane inside.

"Watch out so the monkeys don't come in," Darcy called from somewhere.

"Of course," Thor agreed, shooing them out. "You may not come in. She does not want to clean up a mess you'd make," he told the young monkeys. They chattered back but did as he requested. Jane had to move two more out, though her friendly one was now on her back so that was fine she guessed. Thor had missed one but spotted it trying to rip into something so picked it up to cuddle. It struggled so he put it out back.

Darcy spotted Henrietta and took her from Jane to put outside. "You can have her in the lab, not in here. There's food in here and you throw poop." She closed the door, giving Jane a dirty look before going back to cooking. "Thor!" She smiled and cuddled him. "Clint's around here somewhere putting up more monkey obstacle course parts with Frank." She grinned, going back to her stirring.

Jane sat down with a sigh. "The symposium was mad. We had two attempts to get people, but not to get me. Thor stopped the two Asgardians who wanted to snatch me."

"Aww, thank you, Thor. I'd hate to be here by myself." Thor snickered, coming over to give her another hug. "Thanks, big guy."

"You look good, Darcy." He let her go. "Are you well?"

"Bit bored. The dogs are out with Frank right now. I've done the laundry already and all that stuff. Clint fixed where the monkeys peed in one corner repeatedly before we stopped them from coming in. I fixed Jane's mirror where Henrietta got panicked about seeing another monkey." She looked at Jane, who rolled her eyes. "So yeah, we're okay for right now."

She punched him on the arm, going back to her dish. "This is nearly done but it's for dessert. Dinner's in the oven and it'll be about twenty more minutes. Go put stuff up, Jane." She nodded, going to do that. Thor went to nose around the bottom level. Darcy grinned to herself. Thor was a good guest. She did text Clint to warn him they were back.

***

Thor finished his report for Asgard's Council, who all stared at him oddly. "How would that have happened?" one of them demanded.

"Someone with science," Thor reminded him. "Jane has put up a complaint against him for doing that but he started that many years ago. He was arrogant and it's a pain to deal with. We have no idea how to end that island without causing a lot more problems for the surrounding peoples." He looked at the film he had borrowed to show them. Then at Heimdall. "Is there any good way to end such portals without Jane's machines?"

"Not that I'm aware of, Thor." He stared at the picture. "Perhaps magic would help more if her machine cannot."

"They think there is a machine on that side and them going against each other could open other portals. Especially as the island Jane and Darcy live on has a thin enough spot that they chat pleasingly with the ones on the other side."

Heimdall shook his head. "It would probably do that, yes. It is most amusing. As is the one that wants answers."

Thor sighed but nodded. "I was warned of him and they drove him away from a third attempt by trying to arrest him."

Heimdall smirked. "We should send someone who can sneak into that area to see the machines so Jane Foster can decide how to break them," he noted. "Someone able to get around all the creatures."

"If only Loki was around," Thor shot back, staring at him.

"He is, merely not able to get out of his cell. We could send him. It risks nothing if he does win or fail."

"True," the head of the council agreed, considering it. "We shall do that. Thor, do we need to send him with special weapons?"

"They used bigger guns to blow the heads off," Thor reminded him. "Some have used a sword in the past."

That got a nod. "We can make sure he has what arms he needs for that." The others nodded they agreed. That was too weird for Asgard and they needed to make sure it didn't spread. Before Asgard had to fight dinosaurs.

Thor smiled for them going along with his plans this time. It was good to be the prince.

***

Brock Rumlow was back in the shell of his former hideout, working on the portal's lock from his side. There were multiple locks now, mostly of the sort that slid or hitched on the other side only. It was annoying but he understood she was paranoid.

***

Loki was sent to that island. His cuffs disappeared as soon as he landed. He was rolling his eyes at this whole plot but sure enough, he ran into a small dinosaur that usually ate meat. He had to fight it off as he headed for the only structure on the island, which had to be the main machine area. Thor's mind went weird places but not even Thor was this weird. He had to take down another flying creature as he snuck, making sure it didn't give him away. Thankfully he had been given a sword.

***

You must login (register) to review.