Anya stomped off. Her plans had been thwarted. All she wanted was one single night off to have orgasms. Was that too much to ask? If it was then she and her pookie needed to leave Sunnydale before he got killed. Or she got killed. "I wish that any and all demons would have to help my pookie get away from the bitches in his life!" she complained loudly. Then she realized what she had said, looking around. "Damn it," she muttered. "I'm turning into Willow!"

Halfrek appeared already nodding. "Ya think?" Anya whimpered. "Oh, yeah. Though D'Hoffryn is presently reaching for the drugs." She stared at her friend. Her poor, pitiful, presently human friend. "Did you have to do that?"

"Yes! We can't even get a night off!" she complained.

"Well, now you can." She smiled. "The highers are all figuring out how to enact it. Because, wish granted, sweetie." Anya whined. "Sorry!" She disappeared. The Highers were still talking. "Looking at the former demon that made the wish, it was prompted," she announced. They all stared at her. "Anyanka made it." She smiled. "And it was prompted."

D'Hoffryn looked at his former worker, nodding. "It was. That's a very interesting mark on her soul." They shared a look and he looked at the others. They looked at the mark and they all groaned. That was higher than their level. "How did Harris come to his attention?" he asked casually.

"Who knows. He's the biggest demon magnet in six thousand years," Halfrek complained. "Even I feel the need to cuddle him. Something in him calls out to demons and the slayer essence, which is partially demonic." She smirked. "Which means it's probably the damn hellmouth's doing."

"Perhaps," the higher in charge of the discussion said. "How best can we grant this without getting into trouble?"

Halfrek pulled Xander up, staring at him. "Bad news."

"I heard her," he complained, crossing his arms over his chest. "Give me ten to boot her ass out and lock her out of my accounts?"

"Maybe," D'Hoffryn said. "She won't get any benefit from you leaving the town."

Xander looked at him then took off something he had been wearing since a really weird uncle had shown up just after his eleventh birthday. The demons all moaned. "So we're plotting what now?"

"It was a prompted one," Halfrek said with a wince because he glared at her. "One of the really big names."

Xander smirked and kissed her on the cheek. "That would probably be the guy that my father tried to give me to for enough luck to win back his wife and house during a poker game? Or are we talking the one he begged to save him from going to jail? Either time?"

She looked and whined. "Same one."

He nodded. "Which is why one of his minions showed up to give me this pretty necklace that I should never take off." He let it swing on his finger. D'Hoffryn reached over to grab it so he could look at it better.

"He has you marked as.... Crap!" he muttered.

"Then the only recourse we have is to send me to one of my relatives who needs my special brand of help," Xander said. "I can be their probability generator and prophecy negator."

"You have three distant almost-relations," D'Hoffryn said, looking it over. "One's on active duty."

"Already handled some of the shit I've seen heading their way," Xander said with a hand-wave. "Uncle Jack's too."

"Which leaves the one," Halfrek noted. "They might not understand."

"They can pass me back and forth," Xander decided, looking at the demons. "So help me Goddess if one of you make my life a living hell I'm having myself turned while I'm still sixteen and able to be the biggest hunter ever." He sneered at them. "Because there's no way they'll like demons interfering."

"Good point," D'Hoffryn agreed. They'd have to remove most of his memories so he couldn't do that.

"Protected," Xander quipped in a sing-song voice. "Thanks to Willow's little oops."

The other highers looked him over for protections. "He is rabid to have you," one said.

"Yeah, he thinks I'll make a good mate. I hate to remind him that I'd kill him before I fuck him," Xander said dryly.

"Other way around, boy," D'Hoffryn said.

Xander looked at him and shook his head. "No. Not by any means. I'd kill myself first." The demons shivered because that activated a new protection on the boy. "So. Anyway. Can we please put all my stuff in storage?" he asked Halfrek.

"Definitely, Xander." She smiled.

He wrote out some addresses and handed them over. "I'm using a spare house for some of it. That's the arsenal Buffy might need some day." She whined. He grinned. "The warehouse has my comics and Star Trek stuff."

She patted him on the arm. "It'll be worth some money by the time you're this age again."

Xander nodded. "Probably. They're minorly worth stuff now. Thank you." He whispered in her ear, making her moan and press her thighs together. He winked. "I think you could use their help."

"I can, yes." She changed him to an infant. D'Hoffryn took all the memories he could from the boy. They were blocked off so he couldn't get back to the Xander he was with the slayer. Now he was pure, loving, cuddly baby Xander. Halfrek took him to one of the cousins. She appeared, holding up a hand to catch the knife thrown at her. "Tough shit, boys."

"Who're you?" the commando in charge demanded.

She stared at him. "Halfrek. Over lost childhoods." She lifted the baby onto her hip. "Someone make an oops."

"I don't believe in that shit," he said.

"I'm not here for you anyway, pookie." She looked him over. "You're not even my species and you're a pitiful representation of your people. Not even Anyanka could find fun with that tiny gun." She looked at the other white guys on the team, smiling. The blond guy shook his head slowly. "Talked to Xander recently?"

"My stepsister's son? Slightly. He told me about something going on in his town so I could make sure we didn't get mixed up. I realize that he looks an awful lot like him."

"That's because they wished him away from his friends." She made a few books appear and handed them to the team leader with a grin. "His hunting journal. The books he'll need to protect himself." She shifted Xander to her other hip. "There's three good family choices."

"He can't go back to his original one?" one of the other commandos complained.

"No, I'd have to destroy them," she said happily. "Then he'd get his nephew anyway." She looked at him. "You three need to have a sit down meeting."

"Me, and....."

"Jack, his 'uncle' on his father's side. Former military buddy who is his godfather, but he's never met. He'll drive them nuts."

"We can't really bring a baby on missions," the team leader complained.

She looked at him. "Putting him safely with a member of the family means that your life doesn't go to hell when you supposedly die in a few days, Franklin Clay. So shut the fuck up." The baby cackled. She smiled. "Do you really want to be considered a traitor and dead?"

"No," he said.

"Good. Then shut up." She looked at him again. "The only other choice outside of his godfather is the son of a friend of his father's. He's also slightly former military but he's established himself out there in a new job so he's on reserve status with the SEALS."

Jensen blinked a few times. "Who?"

"I'll give you dossiers." She created them and handed them over then the baby. "Have fun with the meeting. He was cursed to have help getting away from the slayers. Whatever help he needs." She disappeared.

Jensen looked at the baby. "This is really weird." The baby nodded and grinned at him. "We're in the middle of a mission."

Xander looked around and barked. A hellhound appeared, staring at him. He barked and pointed at Clay. "Helpies?" The dog sniffed him, making Clay back away from it slowly. "Bad guys." Dog barked and sniffed, running off into the bush. He smiled at his 'uncle'. "Nice step-puppy. Thinks she's mommy dog."

Jensen nodded. "That's really good to know." Even though it was wrecking his brain. He looked at his team leader. Who was shaking his head as he walked off to take some alone and swearing time in the trees. The others too. "So, apparently we need to find people to talk to you about." He settled down with the baby in his lap to hack those names. "Oh, hey. We know and respect one of them." He kept going. "The other one does insane shit."

Xander looked and cooed, patting the screen. "Thor!" He beamed up at his 'uncle'. "Thor!"

"Yeah, it says he does fish with Thor. Huh. Thor's a Roswell Gray." He shook his head quickly. He started an email. "How soon can we get back to the US?" he called.

"Two days," Clay ordered. "Can we handle him that long?"

"Yeah." They all looked toward the east when a jet screamed that way. "Was that the place we were supposed to paint a target on?"

"Too close," Clay said. He called their handler. "It's Clay. We have major issues. Someone just showed up with Jensen's nephew. No, down here. Out of the blue. His stepsister's kid."

Jensen took the sat phone from him. "General, Jensen. My stepsister is from Sunnydale. My nephew was apparently being threatened by that op out there that went bad. Someone out there wrote me. She asked a people smuggler sort to get him to me. Yes, here. Apparently they hacked or something," he complained. "That's what we're figuring out, sir. No, he's about a year and a half." Xander grinned and nodded. "No, he's the son of her son, Alexander Harris. Yeah, Xander's son." He smiled. "He had him hidden, that's why none of those idiots found him. I have no clue. Knowing what little I know about out there, I'm not sure I want to have a clue.

"All I know is that my stepsister had him sent to me for his own safety, sir. Xander might not know at all. No clue. We're going to talk to some other members of the family in a few days, when we get stateside again, to see which one of us is taking custody. Well, there's General O'Neill. He's his godfather on one side. There's a SEAL who is the son of one of his grandfather's military buddies. McGarrett. Yes, him." He grinned and shifted the baby some. The dog had come back carrying a head. He snapped and pointed.

Pooch looked and shuddered. "Not who we were here for, puppy, but he's definitely a bad guy we were going to take down soon."

Jensen looked. "Looks like Guiness, sir. Yes, like the beer. Drug smuggler." He listened to the orders. "You want us to trek through the jungle with a year-and-a-half-old-boy?" he asked dryly. "No, sir, the dog in question is a hellhound of some sort. Apparently ripped his head off. The baby called it his favorite steppuppy." He listened to the spluttering. "That's up to you, sir. Right now, I've got to get him to someone more competent than I am to deal with a baby. I'm great and all but my niece is a girl. I have no idea how to change boy diapers." He smiled. "Sure, we can do that. Can you set up that meeting for us, sir? Thank you." He hung up. "We're to head back to Texas."

"Sure," Clay agreed. "How are we getting past the border?"

Xander blinked and they were in Texas in a warehouse. "Fanks!" he called with a grin and a wave at the ceiling. "Good boys." He grinned. "Bus!"

"Yeah, that was a hell of a bus ride," Roque said, looking at the baby.

"I think he meant an incubus," Jensen said dryly, looking at him. "Didn't you?" He grinned and nodded. "Why do they like you?"

Xander grinned at him. "Pretty squealy things."

"Huh." He nodded and handed the baby to Roque. "Let me finish looking these people up. They're both insane."

"Is one a bad choice?" Pooch asked, staring at the baby.

"No. They're both more settled. One gets into battles every now and then for the fate of the world and the other is trying to blow up Hawaii."

Cougar crossed himself and walked off. This was too weird for him. He said he'd scout the area and find them some food. Even if the baby had food appear he wouldn't be eating it.

Halfrek reappeared with a smile. She snapped and everything appeared. "His."

Xander looked then shook his head. "House. Big house."

"D'Hoffryn said the slayer might need that, Xander."

Xander shook his head. "Hates guns."

"Damn." She got some vampires to move it for her. She rolled her eyes. "Anything else?"

He leered and kissed her on the cheek. "Pretty?"

"No, you can't have Anya."

"Not hussy, pretty!" he said, staring at her, thinking it at her. She whined. He grinned. She made them appear too. "Fanks!"

"Welcome."

"Toofy?" he asked, pointing at his teeth. She got something from the nearest box to let him chew on it. He beamed and gummed it. He was apparently cutting a tooth.

"That's det cord!" Roque complained, taking it from him.

"Hey!" Xander snatched it back. "Mine!"

"You can't chew on that," Jensen said, taking it and handing him something else. "Chew on that. We'll get you kid chew toys later." He grinned. Xander grinned back and gummed on it. Jensen tossed the det cord at Roque's head. "I'm assuming all the weapons are real?" he asked dryly.

Halfrek grunted. "Apparently. How on earth?" she asked Xander.

He grinned. "Poker!"

"Great." She disappeared.

"I need in at that game," Clay muttered. "Wonder if they serve liquor." He walked off to investigate. "Pooch, Roque, help me. Jensen, keep him calm and occupied."

"I'm doing that already," Jensen said.

***

Jack O'Neill looked up as someone walked up to where they had requested a meeting. "Who are you anyway?"

"I'm Halfrek." She smiled. "Vengeance over Lost Childhoods." He shuddered, shrinking down some. "Your godson's son needs help. His grandmother sent him to her stepbrother, who was active assignment."

"I only have two god children," Jack said, looking confused. She handed him the file she had created. He looked and swallowed. "His parents?"

"No clue," she admitted. "Not there though. They were facing something huge recently so I'm not totally sure where his dad was. I know his dad was hiding him."

He looked at her. "No more bullshit."

"His girlfriend made a wish so he's a baby." She smiled. "A smartass, eighteen-month baby who likes weapons. It's you, his stepuncle that's an active duty Ranger, or a friend of his father's son. You're almost the most biologically related."

"In my job...."

She held up a hand. "I know what you do, General." She smirked. "The same as he does because as I found out, Thor had crashed a while back and was one of his poker buddies. Things like that happen around Xander in case you hadn't noticed."

"I haven't talked to them since he was two."

"His mother hasn't slurred anything reasonable at him since about the same time," she said, sitting beside him on the picnic table. "You three prospects are getting together in Texas to meet and talk about him. If not, I've got to find him a foster family to be driven nuts. His stepuncle is a lot like you. Very 'okay then' about strange things. He handed the baby off and strolled off for some air for three hours last night because somehow Xander has a hellhound mommy that loves him." Jack snorted, shaking his head. "That was busy taking out drug dealers for him." She smirked at his odd look in her direction. "Exactly. He had me move everything of his out of Sunnydale so the whole artillery collection is also there waiting on whichever one of you takes him. They got very mad that he wanted to teeth on det cord the other night."

Jack snickered. "That sounds like the kid I remember, yeah. The last time I saw him there hadn't been any rain in weeks so he peed to make mud." He looked at the picture again. "My job's just barely above the Ranger's."

"I know. Considering the chaos he helped cause to stop the apocalypse battles where he was....." Jack glared at her. She nodded with a grin. "Backing up a mystical warrioress sort. Whole lots of chaos warping. But he made sure they all survived and so did all you normal folks."

Jack nodded. "Then my program wouldn't be too weird for him."

"No, he already likes you guys." She smiled. "Consider splitting custody?"

"I can consider that."

"Thank you." She smiled. "I'll see you in a few days in Texas." She disappeared.

Jack got up and went to talk to his best friend and teammates. They had to know he was going to Texas and maybe he'd be talked out of trying to claim the kid.

***

Halfrek showed up in an office building, making the three men and one woman stare. One of them was casually reaching for her gun. "Chill, princess of the surf kingdom." She looked at Danny. "I'm Halfrek."

He sat up, staring at her. "I know about you. What's wrong? It's not my daughter, right?"

"No." She smiled. "I'm here for a different person." She looked at one. "What did your father say about someone he served with named Tony Harris?"

"Not a lot that was polite," he admitted. "I remember he tried to call him a few years back to see if my father could beat his punk son into better manner."

"That would be about the same time that Xander took some artillery from a reserve base to help blow up something that was going to kill humanity," she admitted. Steve gaped. She smiled. She pulled the file.

Chin Ho Kelly swallowed. "I've heard rumors about you. You show up when kids have been very hurt."

"I do." She smiled at him. "I'm over Lost Childhoods. I should've answered his earlier. But now someone's fixed that so he has a second chance." She handed Steve the file. "Your father promised to help him look out for his son."

"I... My father's dead," Steve said.

Danny took the file to look at. "How bad?"

"Still has some of his old memories. He had us move everything before it happened. He's presently teething on some det cord again, which is pissing off his current watchers." She looked up and sent a dirty thought at Clay to make him calm down. She looked at them again. "Commander, you're needed in Texas to discuss his custody. The only other ones that have any claim on him are a Ranger on active duty, who you have met, and a General O'Neill."

"I know about him," he said dryly.

"You know Jensen too."

"Losers Jensen?" he asked. She smirked and nodded. "Why?"

"He's the stepbrother through his biological father to Xander's mother. O'Neill is his godfather and about to go into another humanity ending battle in a few months. We're including you because of your father's promise and you're the most settled."

"I'm not sure I could handle a full time child," Steve admitted. "Grace is great and I love her. It's not the same."

She shrugged. "You three can talk and assign things or else I have to find a foster family. One who can oversee his pet artillery." Steve shuddered. She handed him an address. "There, three days if possible. If not, I'll come kidnap you for a few hours." She smiled and disappeared.

"What was she?" Kono asked.

Danny looked at her. "There's all sorts of stories. She comes when a kid has been really badly abused. She rescues them by granting the kid's wishes for retribution." Kono shuddered. "I almost thought that one in the papers last month was her."

"It was," Halfrek's voice called. She came back and held up something. "Clay's spazzing. Can Xander not play with this?"

Steve took it to disarm. "No, he probably shouldn't since it's not a really nice bomb."

"Okay, I'll tell him he has to find another kitty cat then." They all stared at her. "He said it hisses." She left again.

"Sometimes she shows up as a social worker if a kid that calls out to her asks to be removed to a better family," Chin told her quietly. "Sometimes officers find the kid safely packed in a closet while the family was murdered by an intruder."

"She only comes when kids are really, seriously bad off," Danny agreed. "I've seen her twice now, outside of here. She's not at all nice when the kids need her to be. The other she was being a social worker dropping off a kid on his cousin, who hadn't known that the kid existed before her family had a car crash."

Kono nodded. "So how do they call her?"

"It's like a homing signal I guess," Danny said. "There's others that are called. In New Jersey we had some that came from the one that answers upset boy and girlfriends." Steve shuddered. "One of your Army buddies?"

"Navy, and yes. They found him in a sleezy motel with his skinned dick in his mouth. He was tied up and looked horrified that it had been removed. He bled to death very slowly. They left one tiny vein uncauterized. The ME said that it probably took a full day for him to bleed out." He rubbed his palm on his knee to get the sweat off it. "Rumors were heavy about what had happened."

"I've had one ex I wished something like that on but it never happened."

"Ah!" Danny said, holding up a finger with a smile. "It's when you meet them and say 'I wish' in front of them that it happens. They have to appear and grant it."

She nodded. "So if she only shows up for the really damaged ones, what happened to this kid?" she asked, taking the file. She read it over, going pale. Her cousin Chin took it to read over and he didn't look much happier. He pulled up a records search of the guy's name and found a few interesting things. "He did what?" she muttered, reading over his shoulder.

Steve looked and called someone. "Get me a dossier on someone please?" he asked politely. This particular secretary could kill him with her thumb nails so he was always polite to her. "Remember Rodney? The one that got him's coworker just showed up to talk to me about a kid my father made a promise to watch out for." That got a grumble but they pulled it up for him when he read the number off the file on the table. "Thank you." He went to his email to pull it up. His choking and spluttering made Chin print it for them.

"That's a battle," Danny said. Chin found files on it online. They watched it and Danny was gripping the data table's edge hard enough to dent it. "They're just kids," he muttered. "Who in the fuck is letting kids do that at their graduation?"

Steve watched. "That's him," he said with a point. "He's leading the battle. Or at least a section." Kono walked off rubbing her arms when the school went up. Steve nodded. "So apparently he did inherit some skills," he decided.

Danny stared at him. "Do you want that to go to someone who can't train it?" he asked quietly. "Someone who can't help him get back to that but more sanely?"

"No. I don't think I could handle it full time though. He's a toddler, Danno."

"Yeah, I remember Gracie being one." He straightened up. "Anything else on him, Chin?"

"The mall thing she mentioned." He played that video. "Nothing made by man, charming," he said dryly.

"Guess we know why he stole it," Danny quipped. "Anything else?"

"A kill on sight order if he's outside his town," Chin said, finding that on the end of the email to Steve. "From a classified project." Kono came back to help him hack.

Steve looked. "Don't." They paused to stare at him. "That's sealed and NSA will show up to talk to you about that. I heard peripherally about that unit's court marshals. They moved it to the secret courts and had to call in a specially appointed judge." He crossed his arms over his chest and scowled at the data table. "That's bad."

"How bad?" Danny asked. Steve shook his head. He poked him hard on the bicep. "How bad?"

"Torture bad," he admitted, shifting how he was standing. "Capturing for testing bad." They all nodded. He input a file number. "This is something that I know got out at one time." They watched that single testing tape.

"Sickos like that, they deserve to be the shower bitch," Danny spat. "I'll be damned! Is that still running?" he demanded.

"No. Not that I'm aware of."

"Then why the warning on the price on his head?" Kono asked.

"Because some higher ups are really unhappy that civilians took down a special project," Steve admitted. "Two Wiccas, a construction guy, a former librarian, and one mystical warrior valley girl wannabe." She whimpered, shaking her head. "Yeah." He pointed at them to identify them. "They only have a price on him and one of the Wiccas. Apparently they consider them critical but easy?"

"The other price is on the blonde girl," Chin said with a point. "But she's also listed as recently deceased."

Steve nodded. "Figures." He walked off. "I'm apparently going to argue with people in Texas."

"At least you'd get his new pets that hiss," Danny quipped. "Means fewer requisitions of things."

Steve smirked. "That might be a highlight." They shared a look. "I'll be back in a few days." He left, heading home to pack a small bag and arrange a flight. Chin texted him the time and flight number of it. That was nice of his people.

***

Clay looked up as someone new walked into the warehouse. "Finally!" he yelled. He handed the baby to O'Neill. "He *really* wants to pet his new doggy that barks bullets. We're not allowing him to touch it since it nearly shot up the rest of his pets," he said with an insane smirk. "Have the baby for a few minutes so we can all calm down now that we're not being shot at." He stomped off.

Xander blew a raspberry at his back. "Jackass!" Clay glared back at him. He smirked and waved. "Woosey!"

"Stop it," Jack O'Neill ordered.

"Pets!" he whined with a point.

"No. Artillery is not pets. Real dogs and cats are pets, Xander."

"Puppy?" Xander asked, pointing at his hellhound in her nest of drug dealers' heads.

"That is a puppy, yes. Though her nest is a bit... Wrong." He walked in the other direction. "Jensen?" He looked up from bandaging a cut. "You good?"

"I'm fine. We've been babbling all morning." He took the baby to put in his lap. Xander cackled and hugged him. He grinned back. "We love you, little guy. Even if you did suggest that Roque sit on the pretty gun." He gave him a squeeze. O'Neill opened his mouth. Jensen pointed. "He thought they should play teeter-totter and Roque should have the open end."

"Ah." He looked that nice looking cannon over. "Okay." He looked over as the door opened and someone younger walked in. "I've seen you somewhere."

"We were getting a medal at the same ceremony, General. Lieutenant Commander Steve McGarrett." He shook his hand. "Jensen."

"McGarrett." He held up the baby. "Have a Xander so I can finish my bandaid job?"

"I can hold him. I'm not real used to babies though." He took him carefully.

"Relax. You won't break him," O'Neill said quietly. He looked around. "What's in the shadows?"

Pooch reached up to turn on the rest of the lights. "His other non-living pets."

Steve looked at the boxes and cases then at the kid. "How did you do that?"

"Poker," he said with an evil grin. He looked up at the guy holding him. "Pood?"

"I don't have any on me," Steve said.

"Shoot." The hellhound barked and ran out. Someone outside screamed and the dog chased. "Go doggy go!" he shouted after her. "Good doggy!"

"This part of Texas is seriously going to have no drug problem soon," Roque said sarcastically. "The kid will drive you nuts."

Xander cackled and waved. "Need happies to fly."

"I'm not Peter Pan, kid."

Xander looked him over. "No tights?" Roque walked off shaking his head.

"They said he's going to slowly lose or have his old memories repressed," Jensen said quietly, handing over that note. Xander was yawning. He took him back to let him nap on him. If he got moved once he was asleep he'd wake up and be like two kids on meth. "We just found out someone tried to set us up."

Jack nodded. "I saw that." He looked at the kid. "Bed?"

"No!" Jensen hissed. "He turns into a fucking tweaker when you wake him up."

"Okay," Jack said, backing down on that point.

"No, let the kid sleep," Clay ordered. "My sniper is having to sleep in the rafters because the baby keeps trying to take his hat and braid his hair. My other two guys are a bit freaked out, General and Commander. Right now, I'm a bit freaked out." The dog trotted back in carrying another head. "He was a local cop. That's bad." He looked at the artillery then at the other two. "We're still currently listed as being on active assignment and the kid's fucking weird," he admitted quietly. "Things like him a lot. Last night, one of the things brought him sushi and when he refused to eat it brought him a huge bowl of fruit salad." He pointed at the punchbowl that held the remains of it. "I've seen slightly weird kids thanks to Jensen's niece, who is just like him. This kid is fucking weird, far beyond fucking weird really. And he keeps trying to tell my second in command to kiss me."

Jack smiled. "That is a bit weird, yeah. I'm about to go into a battle in approximately three months." He looked at the nice, strong SEAL next to him.

"I'm heading a new task force to handle the huge problems in Hawaii," he admitted. "But I'm able to be recalled at any given time. I'm not even sure why they told me since it was my father that was their friend."

Jack nodded. "I'd say we could switch off when I'm not handling emergencies but I'm in Colorado."

"I'm usually found being bitched at about not waiting for backup before I run in to shoot people," Steve said.

Someone new stomped in. "Has anyone seen a head that got ripped off?" They pointed at the nest. "That's what did it. The girl he was assaulting said a dog had done it." He looked at the other heads. "Dear, can I have those? We need them to identify the former owners." The dog stared at him. "It means I can do paperwork that'll be ignored. Please?" The dog barked and ran over to bark at Jensen until he gave her something he was eating. She curled up next to him and put her chin on his knee to stare at the baby.

"We're really sorry," Jensen said.

"I'm not." He had someone come pick up the heads. "What's that?"

"The baby's inheritance," Jensen said with a point at the baby.

"Aww. He's adorable."

"That's because he's asleep," Jack said.

"I know. I have six kids. Kids that age are always sweet when they're sleeping." They finished gathering the heads and left. "Found the dog," he called as he walked out. "Not even Animal Control wants it. It's as big as a wolf and looks like red flames." The warehouse door shut.

Xander blinked at them then shifted onto his side to curl up and sleep. "Want the sleeping bag?" Jensen whispered. Xander shook his head. "You could nap with your puppy." Xander snuffled. They carefully got him moved and the dog followed. Xander smiled and snuggled in. Jensen looked at the two guys. "It's one of us or a foster family," he said quietly. "Which will probably stymie his development somewhat when they turn out to be too normal."

"I still have a battle in three months," Jack said. "My crazy ass scientists would probably warp him even further."

"There's also the matter of the price on his head," Steve said, staring at the kid. His noble instincts were screaming at him to help the poor little guy.

"Excuse me?" Jack demanded.

"That project that they helped shut down put a price on his head if he was found outside of Sunnydale." He looked at him. "There's another one but it's older."

"Good to know." He looked at the kid. "Would they do that to him now?"

"He helped take down a special project, General," Steve said. "Him and a few other late teens."

"And a librarian," Jensen finished with a quip and a grin.

Jack growled. "I heard about that mess. I would've stomped them too."

"Us too," Jensen agreed.

"I would've left nice notes saying what they had done and why they were no longer on this earth," Steve admitted. "Clearly I'm being warped by being part of the HPD."

Jack snickered. "No, most SEALS don't leave notes," he agreed. He considered the kid. "I can take him part of the time but I have battles that pop up without a lot of notice."

"I'm told that as soon as he's gotten to a new family we're going back to the Middle East," Jensen said. "This is an order from the same idiot that sent us to be killed this time so they could discredit us."

Jack grimaced. "Who?" Jensen handed over that file. He read it and nodded slowly. "Shitbag."

Steve took it. "He was on Oahu the other day. We'll try to get him." He tucked it under his arm. "I'm a bachelor and I work insane hours doing things like blowing up factories that hold gun runners."

Jack snickered. "Sounds like more fun than what I do all day."

Jensen stared at him. "I saw. By the way, he knows Thor."

"So that lady said."

"He cooed at the picture."

Jack winced. "Crap."

"Thor. Norse God of Thunder Thor?" Steve asked.

"Something like that but classified," Jack said.

Xander blinked at them. "Loki say make me more." He let himself close his eyes and relax again even if he wasn't napping.

"That's a bad thought," Jack said, walking over to the piles of stuff to see what they had. "Any inventory?"

"We stopped when we saw the thing with the tentacles," Roque said. He handed it over.

"Tentacles?" Steve demanded, looking that way.

Roque found that box and pulled it out to open. They stared at the tentacles coming off the gun barrel. "We're scared to test it."

"I had anime flashbacks," Jensen quipped.

Xander yawned and got up to walk over. "Shooty end," he said with a point and a grin at the general. "Go boom then toys." He looked around and climbed up something, squealing when he found what he wanted. "Books!"

Steve came over to help him down and read him the comic book. It wasn't something he had enjoyed really but the kid was apparently that sort of geek.

Jack took it outside to test against his rental car. He had gotten the extra insurance. Sure enough, the car exploded and then the tentacles sorted through the mess. It pulled some bits in and the gun read it was ready to fire again. "Huh." He walked it back inside and carefully put it away. "It self-reloads." He shut it and locked it.

"As long as it's not trying to fuck the pretty girls," Clay muttered, sipping some water. Jack glared at him. "He has hentai too, General."

"That figures," Steve muttered. "Geeks can be like that." Xander looked up at him. "I know other geeks." Xander grinned and patted the comic, letting him get back to reading it.

Halfrek appeared looking messed up. "There's a new hunt order on him. One of the major problems on the wrong side wants to sacrifice him."

Xander snorted and shook his head. "Idiots."

"It's Wolfram and Hart, Xander."

Xander looked up at her. Then up. "I'm coming up there! With candy and soda!" The warehouse seemed to shudder. He grinned sweetly at her. "Can."

"Yeah, I'm sure you can. I've seen you on a Mountain Dew high when you were older, Xander." He beamed and waved.

A higher demon appeared, looking at the boy. "I'll save you from them if you swear allegiance to me."

Xander stared at the demon. He said something in another language. "Suck rocks." The demon gasped, backing up. "Candy?" he asked the one holding him.

"I don't have any or I'd give you some." He pulled his gun and shot the demon.

"That won't help much," Halfrek admitted, giving him a reload clip. "That would." Steve reloaded and killed it this time. She smiled. "Wonderful!"

"Who's going to watch him while I'm off blowing up people smugglers?" he asked.

She considered it. "That is a good point. He could help."

"Not unless he's an adult and an officer or another SEAL," Steve said.

She grimaced. "That's bad." They all looked at the beam of light that started.

"No," Jack muttered, walking toward it. "Forcryin'outloud, Thor! Stop it! There's normals!"

"Already saw," Jensen and Steve said. Steve went back to reading.

Thor appeared and smiled at the baby, handing something to Halfrek. "That will help mask his signature. As of this moment he does read very large on an energy meter scan." Xander blinked at him. "You do."

"Necklace," he said, looking at Halfrek. She put it on him and he grinned at Thor. "Good?"

"Much better," he admitted. "That will help you further." He looked at Jack. "O'Neill, is he family to you?"

"No, he's my godson."

"Interesting." He nodded at the boy and disappeared.

Jack waited until he was sure Thor was out of range to hear him. "Yeah, the strange stuff loves him."

Halfrek looked at him. "That was a very minor strange thing, O'Neill. Wait until you see if there's a cooing party from the half-demons on your base."

"Party?" Xander chirped, grinning madly at her. "Party me? Cake?"

"We'll see about cake," Jack said dryly. "They make really bad cake on the base." Xander pouted and shrugged, going back to is comic. Steve just read to him, shaking his head. He looked at Halfrek. "I still have battles."

"I can set him up in another family but one of you is still going to have to look over his shoulder. No one normal will ever understand him and he'll turn out on the wrong side if he's not helpfully encouraged and trained."

Xander looked at her. "Bitch." Steve growled. "Is," he defended as he looked up. "Is mean bitch too!"

"I am," Halfrek agreed. "That demon lord still wants you too." Xander cackled and shook his head. "He would."

"Nope. Stabby first."

"If you're sure." She looked at the three potential families. "I don't care if you timeshare him. You could even set up a nanny to travel between you at times. But if one of you doesn't raise him there's every chance he'll go wrong instead of all that energy and skill being turned toward something helpful, like the military."

"Hunt," Xander said firmly.

"That demon lord will claim you if you try to go back to hunting, Xander, and you can't kill him." Xander stared at her. She almost got scared. Somehow, she knew that the baby could take that guy out. "How?" she asked. The baby just grinned and patted the comic again so Steve would turn the page and keep reading. "Okay then."

"We can probably agree to find him a nanny to watch over him and look over their shoulder," Jack said.

Jensen nodded quickly. "That would work for us too since we're never home."

"I have a good use for all his pets," Steve admitted.

Xander poked him. "Use and replace."

"I will."

Xander grinned. "Poker?"

"I might have to join that group to find their pipeline." He looked up. "Should he be this age?"

"No. I waved too hard. He should be six or seven."

"My partner has a daughter about that age."

"Which is another point in your favor." She looked at O'Neill, who glared. "It'd give you someone to fuss over at the very least," she said quietly. "Make you quit taking so many stupid risks when better plans appear."

"Sometimes you gotta do the stupid things so people survive," O'Neill said.

"He said much the same thing a few times."

"Figures since he was doing the same sort of insane, world saving stuff," he shot back.

Halfrek smiled. "So, how are we going to do this?"

"We're going to be setting up a nanny," Steve said.

Xander suddenly sat up and looked around. "Big bad thing." He winced and rubbed his forehead.

Halfrek looked up. "You should've told us he was a latent seer!" she yelled. "So I could've blocked it off!" She squatted down. "Xander, baby, what are you seeing?"

"Bad bad." He swallowed. "Bad mean. Boom. Bad bad." He blinked at her. She wiped the tears off. "Bad bad bad."

"I have no idea what that means and I can't get into your mind, Xander. Can you maybe put in more details?" He shook his head but then patted her pockets. "What? I don't have anything to help the headache."

"Big bad!"

"Spike?" she asked, looking confused. He nodded. "Why do you want Spike?"

"Dru!" He stared at her, willing her to get it.

"She's a seer and she can read minds, plus she adores you," she realized. She called Spike to there. "Call your ex."

"Why should I call the looney bint?" He stared at Xander. "We heard."

"Bad bad," he said, rubbing his head. "Bad bad bad!"

"Vision," Spike realized. Xander nodded. "Crap." His phone rang. "Speaking of looney bints. Dru?" he asked as he answered it. O'Neill put it on speaker.

"The kitten needs a translator to hiss for him, Spikey."

"Dru, bad bad bad, mean," Xander called.

"I saw, my kitten." She cooed. "You are adorable."

"So?"

"Fine. The town is going to fall in when the huge evil is coming."

"Bad bad," Xander agreed.

"The bad, mean man will try to kill Dawn and a few of the other slayers that must be called to fight him. Then the town will go boom." She giggled. "It'll be a pretty mess when the hellmouth sucks in the town, my Spike. The kitten would have made sure they didn't all die. Then all of demon kind can win since they're taking out the future slayers first. All the rest will be there fighting."

"No!" Xander shouted. "Not all!"

"Hmm. Some may have been too hard to get to but it doesn't mean they can get free of their areas to take care of a city, precious. You calm down and let mummy and Spikey handle things. We'll watch over you so you can be my proper kitten some year." Xander purred at the phone, making her giggle. "We'll see when you're older, kitten." She hung up.

Xander looked at Spike. Spike shuddered. "Thank you for that warning, whelp." Xander beamed and waved. "Dawn's going wherever you are. No matter what Fluffy and Red want."

Xander smirked at Halfrek. "Don't look at me."

"Could be mommy."

"She could be but that'd be very weird," she said. He shrugged. "Good point and she already knows you're warped." She looked at the men. "That might be the best option after all." She snapped and Dawn appeared with all her stuff.

Dawn looked around. "You forgot my pictures of Mom. They were in Buffy's room." She added those. "Am I going with Xander?"

"Bad mean splat boom suck," Xander said with a grin.

"Oh, great, another apocalypse battle?" she quipped. He grinned and nodded. "Fine." She looked at Halfrek then at Spike.

"Be the momma," Spike said with an evil smirk.

"I can do that somehow." She looked at Halfrek. "Which means I've gotta go on welfare until I finish school?"

"Sell something of his."

"Hell no," McGarrett said. "I'm an officer. Not going to happen."

"I know some people but no, not right," Jensen said.

"I can't agree to that either," Jack said. "She's way too young."

"I'm fifteen. There are mothers my age."

"Yeah but not great ones that'll have some sort of future," Jack countered.

She huffed. "Not my fault the monks aged me to this age!"

Halfrek flinched and looked at her. "I'll be damned. I never noticed that about you, Dawn."

She smirked. "You weren't supposed to. Are the crazy knights going to come back again?"

"No. They're all gone."

"Good! One less threat in my life." She huffed, looking at the baby. "I'll gladly play your mom, Xander."

Halfrek considered all the lines and shook her head. "No. That won't work. It'll get you both dead." She took Dawn with her, all her boxes now in a single bag. "Detective, I'd like you to meet your niece," she said, smiling at him.

Back at the warehouse the three looked at the boy. "Nanny would be good," Jack decided.

Steve nodded. "I can get behind that plan."

"Myriam," Xander called. She appeared, looking confused. "Need mommy sort."

She smiled and patted him on the head. "I can be your pretend mommy sort, Xander, but I'd still have to go feed now and then."

"Fishies?"

"I can eat fishies, yes." She smiled, flashing very sharp, pointed teeth. "That would be very good and we can teach you much more about being a demon lord when it's time to be claimed."

He shook his head. "Stabby."

"He won't let you stab him."

Xander cackled and smiled. "So?"

"Point perhaps."

"He needs someone who can appear to be a good mother," Steve said firmly. "One who can watch over him and help us make sure he's safe."

"Of course he'll be safe. The one who wants to claim him would never let anyone else have him. That would make him mad and make him claim a state to take over in his anger."

Halfrek reappeared. "No. Not a good idea." She sent the demon off. "I'll send a succuba," she told him. Xander grinned and nodded.

"As long as they're not feeding," O'Neill said. "We can't let anyone hurt our people or those innocent sorts in our cities."

"Crap."

"She eats fishes," Xander said.

"No! She'll definitely call that demon down for you."

Xander shrugged. "Still stabby."

"You can't kill him," she said. Xander waved her over and touched their foreheads together. Halfrek's face got that headache look and she moaned, backing off rubbing her head. She looked like she had aged ten years. "Oh, gods, you do know how." She pushed her hair back. "Damn it." Xander grinned. "All right. We'll pick you.... Seraphina. She's the sister of a succuba. She knows and wants to hunt her sister down so she can learn from everyone how to hunt and to protect you." She looked at them. They all nodded. "Good." She called her, freezing her when the girl tried to attack. "Stop it. I'm appointing you as guardian over a hunter that just got deaged." She unfroze her. "Xander." She pointed.

The other woman swallowed hard. "I've heard of him. He was my role model."

Xander grinned and waved. "Pretty."

"Thank you but I'm not evil enough for you." Xander cackled and nodded. She looked at Halfrek. "Who're you?"

"Halfrek."

"Then at least you're not really a harmful class of demon. I can take him in."

"These three are his nearest relatives. One travels, one's in Hawaii, one's in Colorado. You're switching between the two settled ones."

She nodded. "I can do that." She took the baby to look at. "Isn't it about time for a nap?"

"Had nap. Read."

"Reading is good." She scowled at the comic. "That will rot your mind."

He snorted. "Read all the time." She groaned and shook her head. He cooed and petted her. "You'll be okay." She glared. He grinned. "Read?"

"Later."

"Yes, he is a smartass, sarcastic hunter who is also a geek," Halfrek said. "He's to grow up into whoever he wants to be, hopefully with some extra training and pushing toward something helpful, like their careers."

"I can see that."

"Good!" She smiled. "You're all set up. McGarrett will get first custody of him. I'll have all this stuff moved to a warehouse out near you," she told him. He nodded once, standing up. "Go home, dog." It fled. "The house itself will move back and forth between Colorado and Oahu." She disappeared, glad it was over with. Things were quickly set up and it was good.

"Bring him to me at HQ when you get there," Steve told her quietly. "We're at the Palace." She nodded. "We'll set up how to handle things."

"I can do that." She looked at Jack. "By the time you switch out it'll be safer again so we'll do the same thing." She smiled and nodded. "Jensen travels so he can pop in to be nosy."

"I can do that."

"Excellent. Let's get you home, little guy."

"Oh, someone named Dru interpreted his vision," Jensen said.

She grimaced. "Great, the insane vampire seeress likes him."

"She kept calling him a kitty," Jack said dryly.

"Even better." She got relocated to the house. She put the baby down and let him toddle off. She'd follow him but he'd scream if he got into trouble.

Everyone else found themselves back in their correct locations, McGarrett with a warehouse full of stuff. He pulled out his phone. "We just got handed a stockpile we can borrow from but the owner is adamant that we give it back. I'll introduce you guys later. Once I don't have a headache." He hung up. He wondered how much ranting that tentacle gun was going to get out of Danny.

***

Danny sat down across from his ex-wife that night. "Remember that case that I got called on out of town back in Newark?"

"The child that had survived the horrible attack on her family?" she guessed. He nodded. "I remember you told me how it had happened."

"Well, same being showed up." She winced. "To help a little guy that got cursed to be tiny." She shook her head. "He's a little smartass. He's eighteen months. Still has some memories. Is a bit wild."

"So this is warning me that your team is watching over him?"

He grinned. "I think he and his caretaker could use some sense. It almost happened that Steve became a daddy." She smiled, almost against her will. "Gracie will love him. He'll overprotect her for years. He's a former demon hunter so we spent all day sorting out his former artillery collection, which he insists we can borrow but we have to replace."

She giggled. "Really?" He showed her a picture. "He's adorable."

"He's a hellion," he said. "But his last family was crap. Drunken craps to be specific." She nodded, handing it back. "Can we introduce you and his caretaker? She wants to be a demon hunter and Xander's already driving her nuts being a toddler. Grace would be perfectly safe with him because he's protected against that stuff hurting him. Apparently one really wants him but he's promised to stab them. A lot."

Rachel nodded. "We can be introduced but give it some time to see if he calms down before you introduce Grace."

"Halfrek admitted he should've turned out older."

"That's fine. Still, I don't want her to know about that sort of thing."

"Me either. But at least she'd be protected."

"True. I'll talk to her, see if she needs some help. It could help Grace to help him too." Danny grinned and nodded. "Why Steve?"

"His dad and the kid's dad were in the service together." He handed her the file they had created and merged with the one Halfrek had created. Theirs had things hers didn't. She read it and her face softened. "Yeah, he's a special little guy who'll drive us all nuts."

"I can definitely meet with her tomorrow." She smiled. "Malia?"

"Chin introduced them earlier because Xander was arguing that he did not have a broken wrist and it was fine. He was wrong but he insisted he was fine. It's like watching a more violent and wild mini McGarrett going. Oh, he's threatened to go on a sugar rush and a caffeine rush."

She nodded. "We can help her." She smiled. "When did you want to introduce us?"

"Anytime you want."

"Tomorrow?"

"Sure. We'll still be doing the inventory tomorrow. That way he can have anything of his, like his comic collection and his clothes. Though I doubt they'd fit him. Oh, he had hideous tastes in Hawaiian shirts."

"I'll keep that in mind." She smiled. "At least it's a painless favor and we're not arguing over it."

He smirked. "He's affectionately known as a white knight, Rachel. There's no way he'd let Gracie be hurt."

"Good. We'll see." He nodded and got up to go talk to his baby girl. It was his night to grab her for visitation. She relaxed and considered it. That poor baby needed someone more maternal and stable to get him out of that old life of his.

***

Xander and Steve were walking from getting everyone some treats for breakfast to the warehouse. They were near a beach. Xander blinked at the water. "'Nade," he said.

"What?" Steve asked. He looked where the baby was staring. "What is that?"

"Need 'nade," Xander said insistently.

"We need something bigger than a grenade, kid."

"No! Need 'nade and salt!" He looked up. "'Nade please and salt 'nade?" The two fell at his feet. "Fanks!" He waved and grinned then poked Steve. "Tossy?"

Steve took the grenades before the baby played with them. Xander loved weapons. He had already stolen Chin's gun to play with, that's why they had been out for snacks. He tossed the regular one, which made the kraken scream. Then the salt one. That one hit closer to center and the thing started to shrivel and swam off. "Okay, so we need two grenades and then a salt one. Who makes salt grenades?" he asked Xander.

"Pooper. Huge Pooper." He pointed at one of them. "Them."

Steve looked, getting a worried looking demon. He grinned. "I'm one of Xander's uncles."

"That figures with what you get into. He's a lot like you." He backed off. "We'll make you some more, Xander."

"Cool!" He beamed and did a happy dance.

The demon smiled as he ran off. They all wanted to keep Xander happy.

Xander looked up at Steve. "Sugar?"

"Later." He brought him back to the warehouse before anyone wondered about what had happened. He handed Danny the box. "The SF chocolate one is his."

"Sure," he agreed, getting that hint. Sugar free worked well for kids. He handed it to the baby and gave the rest of them their treats. "He's got a good range for fighting Godzilla."

Xander snorted, shaking his head. "Mayor."

"I figured it was. Eat and relax, little guy." Xander settled in to pet his steppuppy when it appeared and nibble. His steppuppy had a head he was nibbling on so it didn't need a treat.

Kono looked over, pausing. "What is that he's cuddling?"

Steve looked then at her. "He said it's his steppuppy and it was ripping the head off drug dealers in Texas while they were there."

"Okay, that explains why it's slobbering on a head." She shook her head and went back to work. She was never having children. Ever.

Steve's phone rang so he looked at the unknown number. "McGarrett," he replied. He blinked a few times. "I did not see him having one, Dru. What did he see this time?" He wrote it down on some paper Chin had. "That's good to know. Thank you." He hung up. "We need to see what she looks like in case she shows up to talk to him in person."

"Pretty vampy," Xander called. "Velvet cushiness."

"How old?" Steve asked.

"Ancient. Viccy." He grinned.

"Victorian?" Danny guessed. Xander beamed and nodded. "Okay, we'll look for the Victorian female vampire. Blonde or brown?" Xander pointed at his hair. "Okay, we can do that." Chin was giving him an odd look. "He'd know. She wants to make him her kitten. She called me at one this morning to talk to me about her poor little dark kitten and how he'd make a great one some year for her. Which would keep him away from the mean and nasty higher demon as she told me."

"Stabby boom/splat," Xander said with a nod. He got up and walked over, patting a case with a grin. "Boom splat."

They all grinned and marked that case specially for him. Anything that took out a higher demon to save the kid they'd keep handy.

Someone in the Governor's office stomped in. "Lieutenant Commander, are you confiscating this interesting pile of what is clearly artillery boxes?"

"No, we're inventorying it for the owner," he said.

"Why is the owner not under arrest?" Steve pointed at the baby, who smiled and waved. "Then you are confiscating it?"

"No, he said he wants it back when he's older," Danny quipped. Xander nodded. "Not all of it's weapons."

"Needs tentacles," Xander said.

Steve looked at him. "That's an evil thought and you'll be grounded later."

Xander pouted. "Meany."

"Yes I am."

The governor's assistant growled. "What is going on? First grenades being thrown at some creature in the water, by you according to eye-witness reports, and now you're sitting on an artillery pile?"

"He said we can borrow it. Means I don't have to do paperwork to get something we might need," Steve said. He grinned. "Wouldn't that make us all happier?"

"No!" he shouted.

Xander whistled. "Shut the fuck up!"

"Excuse your mouth?" Danny demanded, hands going to his hips as he stared at the baby. "You are much too young to use that language, young man. You know better. You will not say that around us, and especially not my ex-wife and daughter. Am I clear?" Xander pouted but nodded, looking down. "You may not have had much structure before but you're damn sure getting rules and fences now. And there will be punishments if you step out of line. Including no playing all day long." Xander whined. "Tough shit! You do not use words like that. Not that shut up was a better version but still! No swearing!"

"Yes, Danny," he said quietly, looking at his toes.

"Thank you! Now, go sit and stare at the wall for ten minutes." He pointed. Xander sniffled. "Won't work. My daughter does pitiful better because she's a girl. Now." He pointed. Xander huffed but did it. "Thank you. Chin, time it?"

"Got it," he said, setting his watch to beep in ten minutes.

Steve blinked. "Thanks."

"Welcome."

"What do you think you're doing?" the assistant demanded.

"Hey, steppuppy?" Steve called. It appeared with a head in its mouth. It had run off when the idiot had stomped in. "Did you get another one? Good job."

"If you bite 'im, I'll give you the file on a bad guy you can eat all you want," Danny offered. "He's a drug and people smuggler. He's hurt kids. He's killed whole families after having his people attack them." The dog gave him a disgusted look. "Chin, got the file on Wo Fat?"

"I can remotely pull it up." He did that. It was probably a mean thing but Wo Fat deserved it.

Danny took it over to show the dog. "Him. Him and his people are evil and we can't catch 'em yet. You want them, you can have all of them you want, puppy." The dog growled a happy sound and lapped him before disappearing again. Danny picked up the head to look at. "Looks like one of the Lao kids." Steve nodded he was right.

"What about justice?" the assistant sneered.

"He'll get justice one way or another. And if enough of his lower people get eaten first, then it'll be easier to arrest 'im," Danny quipped with an evil smirk. "Pays him back nicely for trying to set some of us up." The assistant stomped out. Xander was muttering. "You, no calling someone to eat him."

"I wasn't. Favorite sitter." He grinned back then face the wall again.

"No succuba or incubus on the islands," Steve ordered. "We don't want normals to be eaten, Xander."

"Won't."

"Thank you."

Kono looked over. "Who did you ask to talk to him?"

"Favorite sitter." He leered. "Need stuff."

"What did you need?" Danny asked calmly. Xander pointed. "Potty time or diaper? I'm not sure which one you have."

"Diaper," he said with a grimace. "Yucky. Soon no diaper?"

"Soon no diaper," he agreed, picking him up to change him. Steve had gathered a diaper bag at least. When he came back out, Xander got put back against the wall. "No, four more minutes," Danny warned when Xander pouted.

"Mean," he hissed.

"Every day. That's part of being a dad when the kid misbehaves." He walked off. "So, this tentacle gun?"

"It self-reloads," Steve said, finding it to hand over. "Don't use the car."

Danny aimed at a box of empty crates they had already dealt with. Sure enough, they exploded and the tentacles searched for anything metal. He moved the gun, letting it find the metal strips that had been part of the crates. It read as half-full. He moved it near to some more metal and it quickly finished its self-reload. "Huh."

"Is that all you can say to that freaky thing?" Kono demanded.

"Yup, because what I wanna say I can't in front of you or the kid. You're both too young." Xander cackled. "You, hush. Still in time-out." Xander turned back around to go back to it. Just as he was starting to fidget, Chin's watch alarm went off. The boy crowed as he got up to bounce around.

"You're learning yoga and martial arts," Steve told him.

Xander hugged his leg. "Thank you."

Steve smiled. "Welcome. No playing with my gun." He took it back and put it back into his leg holster. Xander just grinned and went to look in some boxes they hadn't gotten to yet. "Only with an adult." Danny moved over to help him.

"Where did *that* come from?" Danny demanded. "It's solid fucking gold."

"Bad word," Xander said in a sing-song chirp.

"Yeah, but I'm over eighteen. I can say fuck all I want." He stared at him, holding up the non-weapon. He hoped it wasn't a weapon anyway. "Where did it come from?"

"Anya. Her legos."

Danny shook his head, walking it over to hand to Steve. With the baby so he couldn't dig into the rest of the crate without him.

Steve didn't touch it. "It is gold."

"By weight it's nearly solid gold."

"Clean," Xander said. "She takes good care of."

"Still not my thing," Steve said. He pulled out an evidence envelope and let Danny put it in there. "How many more were there?"

"Not sure yet." He handed Kono the baby. "Let me check without his help."

"She was mine," Xander complained.

"Yay!" He waved a hand. "Not now or else we get to arrest her because of your age."

"Shoot." He put his head down on Kono's shoulder. She looked at him. "Cuddle the boy?"

She smirked. "If you were sweet and innocent maybe. You're not though."

He shrugged. "Happens when you hunt." He yawned. She patted him on the back, letting him fall asleep on his snuggly spot.

She heard him mutter that she was snuggly and looked at Steve, who carefully took him to let him nap on his shoulder instead. Kono was a bit freaked out by the kid, he understood that. He was too. The only one that wasn't was Danny. Danny came back with a locking toolbox and a large black laquer box that looked like it had unfolding shelves, like a makeup kit. He opened them then went back to get the rest. "Yeah, I'm too young," Kono decided. "I can't identify some of those things."

Steve looked. "I can. No comment on how."

Danny snorted, shaking his head. "I can identify all but one thing." He brought it over and put it on top. "I don't think it's based on any animal." He walked off to get the rest of them.

"We can drop the non-expensive ones off at a sex club," Chin decided.

"Sell them for the PD's funds," Kono agreed.

Steve looked at her. "Who buys sex toys at auction?"

"One's gold!"

"So?"

"Children," Danny complained. "Stop it. Because I just found the platinum one." He held it up. It was larger. "We should make sure she doesn't need 'em back and he can keep 'em since they're probably expensive." He blinked when a flashing board appeared. "Oh, greatness. So he can have them and sell them to make a living fund?" The board changed to say yes, he could. Anya didn't need them. Willow had changed her into a cat for being such a pussy about things. "Anyone spank Willow?" The board lit up a big 'yup, and we had fun' message then disappeared. "Okay then." He brought over the rest of the box he was searching in. "The blinking board said that his ex is now a kitty because that's all she thought about." He let them see them.

Steve looked. "Is that a sapphire shaped like a dildo?" he asked. He picked it up with the hand not holding Xander in place. "It's not even very polished."

"No, it's not," Danny agreed. "So what the fuck do we do about this?"

Chin shrugged. "I'm going to forget I saw it."

"Good idea, Cuz," Kono seconded quickly.

Steve scowled at them. He tossed it back in the box. "I have no idea what to do with those."

"The options are keep them for when he's older or sell them so he has a trust fund," Danny said.

"I don't know anyone who could do that." A bit of thunder went off and a card appeared in front of him. "Huh."

"That's not from the same source," Chin said. "She's more subtle."

Halfrek appeared fluffing out her hair. "Sorry, was napping." She looked at the card and burned it. "That's from Wolfram and Hart. They're major magical bad guys. They keep trying to take over the world. Thankfully no local offices. They were probably hoping for bodily fluids from him." She smiled at the napping baby. "Aww."

Danny grinned. "He's doing okay so far."

"Good." She patted Steve on the shoulder. "I'll see if someone might consider buying a few of those from him." She looked around and pointed. "That's the sacred twinkie stash he was hiding from her."

"The blinking board said she was a cat now?" Danny asked.

"What... Never mind, had to be Willow or another demon. Yeah, she is." She grimaced then shook her head. "She was very concerned about her sex life and how few orgasms she was getting these days. He could only give her five or six a night after all day on the construction site and then patrol. That's why she made that wish when they couldn't get a night off patrol." She disappeared. Ten minutes later she came back with a card. "Here, to look those expensive things over." She disappeared again. She had to check on Dawn too.

"Six?" Kono demanded quietly. She didn't want to wake the little guy. "How did he give her *six*? I'm lucky to get three!"

"All day of construction and I'm guessing patrol was at least an hour," Danny said, considering it.

"By the maps of his former town, probably closer to two or three depending on the route," Steve said.

"So when did he sleep?" Chin asked. "And do you think he'd give hints?"

"Malia would die, Cuz. She would stroke out and die on you," Kono complained.

"We have a day off next weekend together."

"No wonder he has the stamina to stay up all night," Steve muttered, walking off. He started to put Xander down but he flinched and woke up. "Shh. I was going to let you nap here while I went to the bathroom then come back and pick you up again."

"'m up," Xander mumbled.

"Okay. Well, why don't you rest there and I'll still be back in a minute?" The baby nodded. Steve went to the bathroom, even though he really hadn't needed to, he was just trying to lay the baby down. He came back and Xander let himself be picked back up. Danny took him and the baby cuddled in on his shoulder. Steve smiled. "I can see you doing paperwork with Grace like that."

"Only the once and Rachel screamed for hours."

"I probably would too. Being a cop is dangerous," Chin agreed. Xander mumbled something. "What?"

"He said he needs the book with the protections." Steve went to the book pile to find it. It floated out for him. "Room or personal ones, Xander?" Danny asked quietly. Xander shifted as he mumbled personal and room. Another book floated out at a higher angle. Steve jumped up to get it. That was what he wanted apparently because he sighed in pleasure and went back to sleep.

Steve walked back looking at the book. "I'm wondering if his caretaker warded his room or whatever you call it."

"We can check," Danny promised. He shifted the baby to the other side so he could grab his phone. "Hey, Gracie." He grinned. "No, I'm helping Xander. No, I did not adopt him. I only adopt SEALS you know that. Did I not adopt Steve?" he quipped, grinning some. "Yeah, Xander's the baby that your mom told you about. On my shoulder taking a nap. I'm pretty sure we intend to introduce you two sometime soon. No, under 2. Thanks, Gracie. We'll see you this weekend." He hung up. "She wants to see him."

"You adopted him?" Chin asked.

"Does not my daughter call him uncle?"

"Well, yeah," Chin admitted with a smile back. Xander wasn't too bad when he was sleeping. They'd make him less intense and scary as he grew up around normal people he guessed. As long as he could not use the artillery until he joined them on the job. "Think he'll go military or officer?"

"No clue," Danny admitted, looking at Steve.

"He said no to the military but I'm not sure why. I know he had a near-fit last night over being called normal."

"That wasn't anything mentioned in his files," Danny said.

"I know. The dossier is crap anyway." He considered the boy. "Some day he'll tell us." They all nodded.

A large, scary looking demon appeared. "I'm going to tattoo my boss's mark on him," he complained, glaring at the baby. Steve grabbed something that was marked as 'blessed' to use on the demon. The slight missile screamed as it was launched but the demon went up into a column of fire. Then shrank into a puddle of goo.

"No, you're not," Danny said.

Xander blinked then at Steve. "Wow."

Steve smiled. "It's handy."

"Need to salt him though." He put his head back down. "He heals."

"Good to know. Are there books on that?" Danny asked. Xander looked up and nodded. "In your stuff?"

"Giles."

"Where is he?"

"Home."

A tiny demon appeared and patted the boy on the foot, making him look down at him. "I will procure you a set of manuals from the Watchers and the other hunters, Xander." Xander grinned at him. "If only so you do not use funny names like your slayer did." He pointed at a bare space and a stack of books appeared. "There, all you should need to retrain as a hunter." He looked at the goo, floating it into an empty vase. "There, we'll take that with us."

"Thank you, bad library guy."

"You're most welcome." He smiled. "It cancels the three poker debts I owe you." He winked and disappeared with the vase.

"Huh," Steve said, looking at the books. "I guess we can read those later." Xander grinned shyly. "Just in case more of them come out here for the girls on the beach." Xander relaxed when he didn't say they'd come for him.

Danny patted him on the back. "We'll make you date nice girls who like normal guys, not ones who like rock-feeling dildos."

Xander wiggled down and stomped off. "Not normal!"

"Okay," Steve said, following him to that dark corner. "Hey, talk to me here. What's wrong with being normal? I am. Danny is." Xander snorted and shook his head. "We are." Xander shook his head again. "Yeah, we are."

Xander slumped. "Need...." He looked around. He made writing motions. He hoped it got the point across.

"You kept a journal?" Steve guessed. Xander nodded. "Okay. Who has them?"

"JenJen."

"I'll talk to Jensen to get them from him." He pulled him closer. "Everyone starts out normal, Xander. It depends on how you train and what you do with your life that makes you extraordinary." Xander shook his head. "Yeah, it does." He gave him a quick hug. "We'll call Jensen to get them from him." He picked him up to carry him back. He found his phone and called. "Jensen, Steve McGarrett. Do you have Xander's journal?"

"I do and I photocopied them as I scanned the pages in so you and Jack can both have a copy. I sent you the original and the copy, the original for him. That way I can read them on our oh-so-fun trip to Sunnydale to help with whatever battle he foresaw."

"Spike," Xander told him.

"We'll watch out for Spike, Xander."

"No. Mean bad take Spike."

"Okay. We'll save Spike." Xander grinned. "Anyway, I overnighted it last night so you should get it tomorrow at the latest. I have my copy to read while we're out there."

"Thanks," Steve said. "Be safe."

"No bities," Xander warned.

"We won't get bitten. If they try we'll make them eat Roque."

"If I'm eaten by a vampire and turned your ass is going to pay, and pay hard," Roque shouted somewhere near the phone on that end.

"I'm sure it will." He made a scoffing noise. "Anyway." Steve was snickering. "Relax, Xander. Let it all start over and we'll all be okay. We'll protect your friends for you."

"We found out his ex is a cat," Danny said.

"Interesting. Okay."

"And she left him some...appliances."

"Are we talking like the coffee maker or are we talking the girlish and gay guy humming kind?"

"That kind," Steve sighed. "One in platinum."

"Wow, expensive. Talk to you guys soon. We're leaving now. Be careful, Xander." He hung up.

Xander looked at Steve. "Let me get the journals. We'll put your original one in my safety deposit box." Xander smiled and nodded. "Then we'll figure the rest out." Xander nodded, hopping down to head for the twinkies. "One and only one," Steve warned. "Dinner's not that far off."

"That's mean," Xander complained.

"Yay," Danny said, staring at him. "One sealed package." Xander nodded, getting them. He played with them, letting them 'sword' fight and argue in falsetto. He and Chin were paying attention to what he was saying. The two were fighting and then there was a...musical number they were dancing to? Huh?

Steve shook his head, making a note about the journals. He really wanted to see it.

***

Steve got the journals, looking at them. They were in Latin. "Why?" he muttered. He sent an email at Jensen about the latin. He sent back a translator site and the journals in email format with a note that Jack had one of his geeks translate it for him. Apparently the guy had thrown a massive fit to find the boy and protect him. Steve ran the journals through the translator page by page. By the time he was done it was the middle of the night.

He was tired but his mind was not going to shut down by any means. He sent an email to Jensen to get that lockbox from the bank to him. Then he got up after printing off the last translated page. He went to Danny's rathole apartment. It was nearly dawn. He'd get up. He only had to knock a few times before Danny answered the door. He held up the journal pages. "It's bad."

"Figured that much out." He took it and flopped down on the couch to read the first few pages. By the fifth one he was up and pacing. "Tell me it gets better?"

"Have you gotten to him saving her yet?"

"No. I'm at the Harvest."

"Yeah, that's not pretty but there's worse." Danny just nodded and kept reading while pacing. He noticed how far along he was when Danny stopped mid-pace and clearly reread. "If that's his senior year, I'm having that checked quietly soon." Danny nodded and went back to pacing and reading, starting to mutter too.

"Excuse me?" he demanded.

Steve glanced at the page. Then he nodded. "Yeah." He leaned back and went back to thinking. "We have to work on his self-esteem and getting him used to what normal people have. Plus an educational plan."

Danny turned to stare at him. "We need to go kick some ass."

"Jensen's there and has a copy."

"Do you think Jensen can kick their asses like you can? Or even I can?"

"He's a Ranger. Not quite as good as a SEAL but there's five Rangers, his whole team, going." He smiled. "Together they can probably do the same damage I can."

"Uh-huh." He went back to reading. "This box?"

"Asked him to procure it for us."

"Procure, really?" Danny demanded absently. "Who says that?" He went back to reading, growling again. "I'd like to gut some bitches."

"Well, his ex is a cat now so can you skin a cat?"

"Probably and the witch that turned her." He finished and handed it back. "We've got to calm down some things. But now we know why he reacted that way to being normal."

"And why he's still so manic," Steve said.

"I think he was manic before," Danny admitted. "Or he was working so hard to wear himself out."

"I've seen other soldiers that've done that," Steve admitted. "So you don't have the time to think. You don't have nightmares because you're so exhausted that even if they come you don't remember them."

"I've seen cops do the same thing and then eat their guns," Danny said bluntly, staring at him. "Where do we start?"

"I think I'll start with a good long doctor's visit." He stood up. "Think he'll need more shots?"

"No. Well, they say you're supposed to get boosters so it probably wouldn't hurt."

Steve nodded. "That quiet bloodwork."

"For which?"

"Both. Just in case because I don't want blood hunters here," he said quietly. "And then we'll start on educational stuff. He clearly still remembers most of everything but helping him get back up to that point could help him later on in school."

"He sounded a bit like he was having problems reading," Danny said, running a hand through his hair. "He switched letters sometimes too."

"I'm thinking we can have him checked for that by the same baby doctor." Danny nodded. "Then martial arts to help him calm himself down, give him more focus."

"You and he are gonna have to talk about how military guys aren't all like that."

"I know. We can do that later." He grimaced. "Though I would've killed their asses."

Danny nodded. "I would've been right behind you, buddy." He punched him on the arm. His alarm went off so he walked back to turn it off. "Let me shower and get breakfast. I'll meet you at the sprout's house?"

"Good for me. Then tonight we're taking that book of protections to ward around his bed." Danny grinned and nodded. Steve went to take his own shower and get breakfast. They had a battle plan to help the kid. That's what they needed. He made a status report to O'Neill and Jensen so they'd know and could hype it when they were around the kid.

***

Steve swooped down and picked up the boy from the yard. "Why are you already outside?"

"Been out for hours?" Xander guessed.

"Can't sleep?" Xander shook his head. "Nightmares suck, kiddo. Even for me." He carried him around to the backyard. "We read your journal." Xander frowned. "It cleared up some things. First, we're going to have your blood tested to make sure if you still carry anything you used to." Xander shuddered. "Hate doctors?"

Xander nodded. "Willow healed."

"That won't happen here. Even I have to get stitches. Danny makes sure of it. Even if he has to handcuff me in the ambulance I have to get stitches done by a professional." Xander grimaced but nodded. "We also need to know about the stuff from Thanksgiving to make sure that no other type of hunters show up," he said quietly.

"Wouldn't before."

"Yeah but you're not in Sunnydale now. There's every chance that you'll have blood taken in the ER from rollerblading scrapes and stuff."

"Huh?"

"You've never been rollerblading?" Xander slowly shook his head. "We can teach you. I'm sure Danny can somewhat and if not I know Grace can." He smiled and adjusted the boy's shirt. "I noticed a few things. Including that Dru is kind of scary so she can stay in Brazil if possible?" Xander smiled and nodded. "She can still call in to interpret the visions until you're old enough to tell us yourself. Another thing we noticed is that you had some ...some problems in school?" Xander nodded slowly. "There's ways to help you with that and we'll make sure this time you can do that."

"Hate school."

"I know. Maybe it'll make it better." Xander shook his head.

"Maybe he's a hands-on guy," Danny said as he came around the house with a cup of coffee. "That showed from the construction stuff." Xander smiled and nodded. "So we can warn the teachers of that and they can help you warp things that way." He sat down beside Steve facing the baby. "Secondly, yeah, you gotta graduate. No GED." Xander shrugged and slumped some. "Thirdly, they're wrong and bitches. The sort that my sisters would've smacked around every single day to teach 'em better." Xander's mouth flopped open. "Super soldier or not. They're still bitches. They had no right to treat you that way." Xander slowly nodded. "No. They didn't." He made the baby look at him. "We'll make sure you have all the fun you want. You're going to be just like every other kid on this island. With some extra training."

"If you want to, there's martial arts classes for little kids. You may be too young but not for long," Steve said. "We can send you to them. That'll help with growth spurts and help you learn to be more comfortable in this new, younger body. Because I'm guessing that you feel like you should be able to do things you can't." Xander nodded. "Then we can do that. And if you want, we can see about talking to someone." Xander shook his head quickly. "You sure?" Xander nodded just as quickly. "Okay. We'll leave that up to you but you can talk to us. Even if it's about nightmares, anything." He straightened his shirt out. "When you're ready, you'll ask us questions and we'll answer."

"No military."

"Almost none of the people in the real military are like them, kiddo," Steve said. "I never was. If there were any around me they didn't show it to me because they knew I'd kick their asses."

Danny nodded. "Almost no one's like that. Only there could it happen and them not be shut down immediately. Here, we've got nosy sorts that check on those things." He grinned. "If you want to talk about the military and how the real one is different than the ones you saw the worst of then you two can talk when you're older." Xander nodded at that. "Or if you want to talk about going to the PD, you can talk to me and Chin."

"'Kay," Xander said quietly. "Hunt?"

"We'll train you on the side, because it's not a job, that's a calling. You need a job to pay you to hunt," Steve said. "If you wanted to handle an area and protect the area, then that would be a great thing to both of us. Wandering around the US hunting not so much."

"On a related note," Danny said. "Jensen said he and his team are going out to help your friends. Five commandos should pretty well cover your old job." Xander shook his head but he was grinning. "I know but Jensen's insane so he can cover up on that side too." He patted him on the knee, seeing the wince. He looked. "Scraped?"

"Fell."

"We'll work on that stuff so you're better than Super SEAL here. You'll be Super Ninja SEAL," Danny teased. "Then we can talk about what you'll do beyond stabbing the one that wants you so hard."

"Wow," Xander said quietly, staring at them.

Steve shrugged. "You need it. You and me? We both have that white knight streak, kiddo." Xander hugged him. "Thanks."

"Just don't put grenades in my car like he does," Danny complained. He took his own hug. "For today, we got a baby doc we like?"

"Not yet. I was going to ask a friend on the base that has kids."

"No!" Xander said, shaking his head frantically. "They come!"

"No, they won't come."

Xander nodded and pointed inside. "Why wake up!"

Steve got up and went inside. He nodded at the young woman taking care of Xander. "He said someone tried to grab him last night?"

"Must be what woke him up at three." She sipped her coffee.

Steve grimaced, heading for his bedroom. There was someone thumping in the closet and one under the dresser. He wouldn't wonder how that had happened. He called for regular HPD to come arrest the guys. He went out to meet them. "My whole team's watching over the baby that lives here. His family and my dad were in the service together. He's about two." The officers nodded. "Last night he had to get away from guys that broke into his room. Somehow he managed to trap them in the closet and under the dresser."

"Okay," one said. He followed him inside. "The kid really did _Home Alone_ them." He got them out with his partner's help and got them arrested. "To 5-0, Commander?"

"Please. I want to know why they want the kid." They nodded.

The partner snorted. "Because they're sick bastards. Otherwise they wouldn't have tried to hurt a baby." They walked them off. They were not getting the gentle treatment on the way there.

Steve cleared the rest of the house then went outside. "We've arrested them, Xander. Want to come with us? Can you tell us who they were?"

Xander nodded and pointed. "Doggy got one."

"Is that steppuppy's doing?" Danny asked. Xander shook his head. "One like her?" He nodded. They looked at the mess. "Why is it a bunny?"

"Ooops?" Xander said, wincing some.

"Did you turn him into a bunny?" Steve asked. Xander nodded slowly. "I wondered how that guy got under the dresser." He patted him on the head. "Danny, go get a diaper bag. We'll let him identify them and we'll talk to O'Neill about baby doctor stuff." Danny nodded and went to get it. He looked at the baby. "Is she treating you okay?" he asked quietly. Xander shrugged. "Okay. You let us know." Xander nodded. "Good boy." He picked him up and carried him off.

***

Chin looked up as they walked in. "The two people are in interrogation. Are we doing more sorting with his help?"

"They broke into his room," Danny said. "He _Home Aloned_ 'em according to the uniforms."

"Huh," Chin said. "Why?"

"That's a really good question," he said, handing him the journal pages. Xander huffed. "If something happens to us, Chin would help protect you, Xander. He needs to know."

"Maybe," he complained.

"He would. You know we can be shot on the job and stuff."

"Or accused of murder," Danny said.

"Or that," Steve sighed.

"Sure," Chin said. "Though if it happens again I'm going to kill someone." They smirked at him. "Go see who they were. Their pockets were empty except a few syringes and a bottle of something that the lab can identify later." He settled in to read the pages. "What language were they in since it's a translator site's address in the header?"

"Latin," Danny said. "A few words didn't."

"Okay." As he went on, he was feeling the urge to lose his temper and his cool, calm, professional image. He wanted to throw a fit like Danny would. He felt someone hand him something and smiled at the boy. "Thank you, Xander."

"Welcome. It's not happy." He walked off. Danny was going to let him see who the people were. He scowled. "Dickheads."

"Language, even if it's true," Danny ordered. "Who are they?"

"Mil."

"Initiative fuckers?" Danny asked. Xander nodded. "Okay." He set him on the floor. "Go wait for Kono and if any more of them show up, you scream so we can shoot 'em."

He grinned and went out to bother Kono. She seemed nice. She was reading his journal now, making him pout. "Hey!"

"She wants to understand better, Xander. It won't make her feel sorry for you," Chin promised, hugging him. The baby grinned. "It does mean that she can be less cautious about pranks though." Xander beamed and nodded, bounding off to the supply closet.

"Guys, don't let him that free," Danny called. "These two are supposed military scumbags." Kono got up and hurried after the baby before someone snatched him from the building. He and Steve shared a look. "Can we get an ID from the system for them?"

"Probably." He went to call someone he had known many years ago. Her advice was not to talk about the kid, that the NSA would make him disappear probably, and probably already had their offices bugged if they knew he had the kid. She did give him some hints though. He hung up and went to look up the file she had given him. Someone had stolen personnel records and made it into a movie file. "Got 'em." He handed Danny the notes he had been making.

"We can handle it," Danny said quietly. Xander tried to take it. "Their evil overlords are still pissy, kiddo."

Xander shrugged. "Idiots."

"We'll talk to Jack O'Neill about it," Steve promised. Xander grinned his shy grin and they all smiled back. "You've got to get to know him anyway since you'll be spending some time with him too." He ruffled his hair. "I'm going to ask one of his people to look you over as a baby doc. That way he can keep track of who knows." Xander nodded. "Good boy." He got given a bottle of water by Kono and it was good for him. They went in to interrogate the idiots who had broken in on the kid. They were firmly mute until Xander strolled in and put something on the table that was smoking. "What is that?" Steve asked.

Xander pushed him away from it. "Not for you." He ran off.

Steve and Danny had to back out of the interrogation room when the smoke started to grow. It wasn't setting off the smoke detectors but it was slowly filling the room. Then the guys started to scream. Five minutes later the fog receded slowly and the guys looked like they had been through hell and a battle. Bites, scrapes, cuts, a black eye. One guy holding the deep gash on his side. They both looked like they were ready to cry. "Now, let's talk," Steve said. "Before I have to find out how he did that." He sat down across from them and smirked. "What, exactly, were your orders pertaining to the boy?"

Jack O'Neill got the translated copies back from his geek and read them slowly. He wants to know. He wants to avoid some paperwork he has to get done so it's a great time to know. Then, when he knows, he loses his temper. His assistant doesn't even try to bother him. When one of the doctors tries to bother him his assistant tries to stop her. "No, I want her ass in here," Jack yelled.

"Yes, sir," the doctor said, walking in and shutting the door. "Do you need a sedative?"

"Yes!" He handed her the pages he had read, pacing as he kept reading the rest.

"Is he a soldier?"

"Not exactly and now he's two."

"Ancient machine?"

"Ancient being."

"Interesting. Why tell me?"

"Keep reading." Jack went back to the battle that the kid had fought a few months back. It wasn't good. It wasn't making him happy. It might even make him lose his lunch.

"Excuse me?" she demanded, staring at him. "They're real?"

"Yeah," Jack complained. "His whole town, overrun. Keep going and don't lose your lunch when you get to the swim team." He went back to his own reading, flopping down in his desk chair for a bit. He was tired. Xander wasn't even really his kid and he was tired. Now the doctor was pacing. "Janet, calm down."

"No! Where is he?"

"With a foster family. We'll be splitting custody with them. Right now he's with one of the most overprotective SEALS there is." He handed her the rest of the pages when he got done. "Keep going until you've at least finished Thanksgiving." She scowled but sat down to read the rest. Her subsonic growl kept getting louder and louder. It nearly made Jack flee for his life but she wouldn't be taking this out on him. "The overprotective SEAL asked that we use our super doctors to check him over for injuries."

"Of course I can! How long before he's here?"

"Probably about six months. We only set up custody the other day, Doc. That's why I went to Texas."

"Why there?"

"That's where the uncle they sat him with was. There's actually three of us splitting custody but one's on active spec ops duty." She grimaced. "To that town." He smirked. "His whole team got sent out there to take Xander's place."

"Good!" She huffed as she sat down. "Any other bad news? Like aliens might've cloned him too?"

"He knows Thor. Thor showed up to give him something to block some of the energy he's filled with." She stared at him, a little muscle tick starting next to her left eye. "He has a lot of artillery too. And a mutt he calls a steppuppy that likes to rip the heads off drug dealers." She let out a tiny smile but that tick was getting faster. "So, he'll be here in about six months. Do you have a doc you like out there?"

"No," she said in a scary state of calm. "I'll go check on the poor little guy myself to make sure nothing gets out." She stood up. "Anything I should be aware of?"

"Sam Carter hacked. NID knows about him. That project was part them and part NSA. They've got a contract on his life." She growled. He smirked. "Exactly. That's why me and the overprotective SEAL are handling him. I'm technically his godfather and the SEAL's father served with the kid's original father."

"As long as they're good, or at least better than his last one, GOOD!" She stomped off. She had some things she had to gather. The general even let her beam over when she told him she was going to. She appeared in the office, staring at the boy.

"Not Thor," he said. "Prettier than Thor though."

She smiled. "Thank you, Xander." He scowled. She squatted down in front of him. "I'm Doctor Janet. I work with General Jack O'Neill. You know him?"

"That's his other custodian," Steve said from his seat in the corner looking at a file. He stared at her.

"I'm the head doctor on his nutball base," she said with a smile. "He wanted me to check a fishy thing and a Thanksgiving present." Xander grimaced. "I know but it's best to make sure you're not in pain or in danger of breaking out in something huge that'd send you to the hospital and get the NID to find you."

"Not like that," Xander agreed. "Blood ouchie?"

"Small one." She found the tiny needle she had grabbed. "I have a butterfly. That'll hurt a lot less and I can do it on your leg. Then I have to check you over. We can do that in an office. Okay?" He grimaced but nodded. She picked him up. "I'm only mean if you're stubborn like Jack is, Xander. Him, I tend to threaten with the scary needles." She took her bag into the office, Steve following her. "Are you the overprotective SEAL O'Neill told me about?"

"I am. Steve McGarrett. This is my team and they know about him."

"Good." She smiled. "I'm still using a few classified things."

"I have a high security rating, ma'am."

"I figured you did." She sat Xander on the desk. "Let's start with the ouchy first." He grimaced but nodded. She found a vein right below his knee and tapped it to pull four vials then put that away and the needle into her portable sharps container. She pulled out a scanner. "Okay, hold still." She scanned him, reading what was going on.

"We so need one of those in the local ER for when we're hurt. It'd mean less time there," Steve quipped.

"Yes it would. Xander, how did you bruise a rib?" Xander shrugged. "Does it hurt?"

"Not pay attention to that shit."

She stared at him. "First, don't swear." He groaned and nodded, looking down. "Little boys of your age don't get to swear." She kissed him on the head. "And secondly, it does matter and we do pay attention to that shit. Your new guardians? Much nicer than your old ones. Because if I catch them being that unobservant, I'll do an autopsy on their living bodies and enjoy every single second." He gaped. She smiled. "Little boys and girls have to be protected. That's why I'm a doctor." She tweaked his nose. "Let me do two more things. I'm going to listen to your chest. Then I'm going to look in your throat." He nodded. She did that. "Did you ever have your tonsils removed?"

"Appendix. No tonsils that I know of."

"Hmm. They're not there."

"Maybe a demon stole 'em," he muttered. "Or Willow did." Steve texted that at Jensen. "Who you asking?"

"Jensen."

"Tell him I said hi."

"I can do that." He added that on the end. A few minutes later Jensen wrote back. "She laughed and said she remembered doing her first surgery to remove your tonsils because you had a sore throat from post nasal drip."

"She was how old?" Janet demanded.

"Twelve."

"I should beat her ass."

"She stitchees nice," Xander said.

"Good. Still not appropriate for her to do." Xander snorted, shaking his head. "I saw. It's apparently been a long term issue with her common sense having been removed." She smiled and ruffled his hair. "You need a hair cut." He shrugged. She hugged him. "You're a good boy."

"Fishy?"

"The scanner won't tell me that. I'd need a different one and it's not down here."

"'Lantis?" Xander asked with a happy grin.

"It is. How did you hear about that?"

"Demons. Poker. Myths."

She smiled. "Sometimes we all think the people up there are mythical." She winked. "I'll tell this uncle and your uncle in Colorado what I find so they can tell you." He nodded and hopped off the desk. "Be careful of the twisted ankle," she ordered.

"How many things is he ignoring?" Steve asked politely. He knew doctors like her. She'd kill him for parts.

She showed him the screen. "Too many."

"I'm going to fly to Sunnydale and shoot someone," he decided. "If I can't beat them to death." He walked out there to pick Xander up and stand him on a chair. "We'll be wrapping that ankle. We'll be taping your ribs. We'll be making sure you eat better tonight so your insides quit hurting and you can have milk for lunch if it'll make your stomach less upset. Your older concussion is healing nicely and the newer one is better."

"Been weeks," Xander said.

"Yay," Steve said. "We take care of injuries here." He held up a finger at Danny. "Not one word." He looked at the baby again. "You're to tell us when you get injured. You're to let us help you handle them. There is nothing bad enough in Hawaii that you have to hide injuries." Xander hopped down and ran out.

"Too much too soon," Janet advised. "When you go from no contact to a lot of contact it can be overwhelming even if you're not dealing with a seriously screwed up situation like losing twenty years." She got beamed back to the medical lab.

Steve followed with Danny. "You can explain it better, right?"

"Yeah. As long as you take me with you when you go beat them to death."

"I can do that. Kono is a great sitter." They shared a look. Steve listened, finding where the boy was hiding. He couldn't get to him because he was inside an air vent. As he learned the layout of the building it'd get harder to find him. Right now he only knew what was on the path to the main doorway they used. And the bathroom he was presently inside the air vent of. Steve squatted down. "I didn't mean to upset you, Xander, but we can't let you stay hurt." Xander shifted further back into the darkness.

"Let me," Danny said, nodding him out of the way. He sat on the floor, staring in there. "C'mere. Let's talk about my daughter."

"No thanks."

"Yay. If I can't hide and sulk, neither can you." He got the air vent cover off and pulled him out by his leg, plunking the kid into his lap. "So, anyway, I have a brilliant daughter. She's eight, nearly nine. She's super smart and wise." Xander blinked up at him and slightly shrugged. "I don't want to introduce anything like demons to her but I want you two to get along. But to do that, I have to make sure you're not going to teach her the same bad habit you and Super Seal have of ignoring injuries. See, I'd kill if someone hurt my Gracie." He stared at him. "And you."

"No."

"Yeah, I would."

"No." Xander tried to move but Danny held him. "Ow."

"Nah, not hurting." He cuddled him. "Cuddling does not cause pain unless you have some sort of funky touch condition." He stared at him. "You tell us when you're hurt. We help you with that," he said quietly. "Okay?" Xander shook his head slowly.

"I know it's not the soldier way, Xander," Steve said. "We get injured, we have to keep going. Especially in a small team setting like you guys had." He took him from Danny to sit on the sink. The boy hissed. "What hurts there? She didn't say you had a booboo there."

Danny got up and looked down the back of Xander's pants. "Looks like he scraped himself pretty good getting in there." He looked at the boy. "You can help me protect Gracie but you cannot teach her how to ignore being in pain." Xander nodded he could agree to that. "And you gotta tell us so we can treat things. Because Sunnydale might not have had social workers but Hawaii sure as hell does." He stared at him. "Do you really wanna be in the system?"

"No," he said quietly.

"Then let us handle the big things, like injuries," Steve said. "When you're older, I'll make sure you get updated medic classes so you can home treat."

Xander shrugged. "I'm good."

"Yeah but there's stuff you probably haven't learned yet. The same as there's stuff I don't know." He smiled. "We'll learn it together."

"Long time," Xander said.

"Well, yeah, but you're not quite two yet so that means we've got sixteen years, Xander." Xander grimaced and shifted on the sink. "I know, it sucks being little." Xander gave him a dirty look so he grinned back. "I was little once."

"Now I'm little twice."

"Yeah, that's the sucky thing," Danny said, taking him from Steve. "C'mon, we'll slap some neosporin on that and wrap your ankle and your ribs. Then we'll see what happens for the rest of the day." He started to open the door but Xander sniffed and held it shut shaking his head. "No, what?" he asked quietly.

"Jackasses," he muttered. "Smells like Riley."

Steve smiled and moved Danny out of harm's way. "Lock it," he muttered. He walked out and heard the bathroom door lock as he headed for the office. "Can I help you people?" he asked, pretending to be nice about it.

"We have reason to believe that you know the whereabouts of a person wanted on a national terror warrant," one of the guys in suits said.

"Have we busted them? We are officers." He crossed his arms over his chest. Now he wished he had packed on more weapons today.

"No, I don't think he's come to your attention yet," the lead suit said smugly. "We're here to use your system to find him."

"Hmm. What's his name? Detective Sergeant Kelly is very good at finding people."

"We can do it," the flunky said.

"No, if it was legal you'd be at the federal building doing it," Steve shot back. The guy started to pull a weapon and lo and behold, they didn't do their homework. The last one standing was giving him a freaked out look. Steve smirked. "Yes, I'm Lieutenant Commander McGarrett, Reserve status SEAL." He stared at him. "You wanted *who*?" he demanded.

"We're NSA, Commander."

Steve shrugged. "Yay. If what you were doing is legal you'd be at the federal building."

"We just want this one terrorist."

Steve snickered. "Captain Finn, you might be an idiot who doesn't do his homework, but I've seen the Initiative files." The man went pale and backed up shaking his head. "Oh, yeah. Saw the *whole* thing that got found. Hell, I had a hacker go looking for more for me," he lied. Finn coughed. "So yeah, I don't care what you want or who you want unless it's a real terrorist. You going after someone from your old life, not worthy. Anything else you wanted to discuss?"

"We can have you removed," Finn offered.

"Sure, I'll go surfing." He smirked. "I could use a day off anyway. Chin, couldn't you use a day off?"

"Definitely. It's been weeks," Chin agreed.

"We just want Harris," Finn said again.

"And if I gave a damn about what you nutsuckers wanted, it'd be different," Danny said as he strolled in. "Because I don't. And by the way, even if we felt like helping you torturing sicko bastards, I still have ethics." He stared at him. "What makes you think he's out here?"

"A phone conversation with someone we have tapped."

"Yeah, she said she probably was," Steve said dryly. "Mostly because, oh my God, she's good at something and you guys have all but conscripted her. She wasn't even given a choice to not go military." He stared at him. "She also said you guys complained because her uterine cancer meant she couldn't breed for you. I hope like hell someone like O'Neill takes her in." Finn backed up looking scared. "Yeah, met with the general." He smirked. "In Texas no less." The soldier shook his head. "Special meeting." He smiled. "Now, get out of my office before I kill you."

"Since we saw what you used ta do, we're all for making sure you can't pass on any of those bad habits," Danny agreed. "Not like I'm nice enough to tell McGarrett to make it a quick one either. I'm thinking we should replay some of your people's greatest hits on you." The one on the floor hopped up. He went back down too when Danny punched him. "And stay down. You belong below the floor but we'll make an exception so we don't have to remodel for your sarcophagus." He stared at Finn. "I want you off this island now."

"We're NSA."

"And I'm the fucking tooth fairy," Steve quipped with an evil, cold smirk. "Watch me twinkle all over your soul." Finn shuddered.

"Can't we just have Xander?"

"No. Because it's wrong that you guys want to punish someone for sticking up and doing the right thing," Danny said. "For that matter, I'm pretty damn sure no one above you knows you're here." He looked at Chin. "Call someone?"

"Already on with the governor's assistant. He's making threatening phone calls and has the FBI on the line with him," Chin said. "They said we're to arrest them unless they fight back too hard and then Steve can use the shark cage again."

Danny smirked. "Way too nice for them." He stared at the one standing. "No way in hell you're getting anyone on this island, Finn."

"We have a warrant."

"It's not legal," Steve said. "And if it is, I'm going to start going higher and higher up the chain until I can complain to someone who can rip your balls off."

"You know, Xander was talking about how his ex liked that," Danny said with a grin for his buddy. "We should see why."

"I already know why." He smirked at Finn. More agents stomped in. "Who are you people?"

"FBI, Commander," one said, flashing his ID. "Can we have him?"

"No," Danny said. "Because I saw your picture on that film too." The agent gasped and backed up. "Like I'm stupid? I may be from Jersey but not all of us partied *that* hard. Nor do I spray tan." Chain stifled a snicker. "Pecker," he said.

"Perdecker," he corrected politely and calmly. "Can we have them all, Detective?"

"Sure! As long as you toss their bleeding asses somewhere they can be eaten."

"That's really more the CIA's job," Steve said. "I know a few though." He pulled out his phone to look through the contacts list.

"Please don't make this even worse," Agent Perdecker begged.

Then the bad thing happened. "Fuck, I thought you were a ninja," Danny complained, moving himself and Steve away from the demons that had just appeared. He grabbed the only good agent among them and moved him too. They all fell over the data table but yay. They weren't in the crossfire.

"Our master said you're evil and he will have the one he wants. Not even the evil that was your people will take him."

Steve looked over. "Xander said he'll kill himself first."

"That may be but it will not be that this slime will touch our master's wanted one."

"Steppuppies, attack," a tiny voice called. Three hellhounds rushed in and went for Finn and the demons. Steve got the other two agents winged and down. One of the demons ran for the door to try to catch him but Xander had a gun. It was a bit big in his hand but it was nice. Kono had nice weapons. He stared at the demon. "Think I'm too young?"

The demon backed up, shaking his head. "I will not stress you further, Wanted One."

"Bullshit. You tell him I don't want him. He comes near me and I'm blowing his ass up."

"I can pass along a more polite version of that message." He bowed and disappeared.

Xander ran off to hide again. Kono was outside calling in backup. Xander was going to hide like a mo-fo at the moment.

Steve came out of the office and looked around. "That won't save you," he called. "It really won't." He went back inside to call off the backup. The bad agents were now dog food. Really messy wet dog food. "I'm starting to think the kid needs a nice, normal pet."

Danny looked at him. "I doubt any of them are as protective as his steppuppies."

"No, probably not, but a normal one doesn't rip heads off. Or arms."

"Or a foot," Chin said with a point. "Though I think it came off a demon. Let me go get some air."

"Go find him," Steve said. "Earlier he was in the bathroom air vent. No telling where he is this time."

"Sure, that's getting air too. Then we can talk about normal people things." He walked off trying to hold down his breakfast. He found Kono scowling outside. "We've gotta find the sprout."

"He headed for the back exit this time. I barely saw his ungodly bright t-shirt as he rounded the far corner."

"Steve said he was in an air vent earlier."

"Yay." She followed him. "Think we'll get a day off for the trauma of this?"

"I think we'll get the day off so the cleaning crew can throw a hissy fit at all the mopping they've got to do." It was going to take a while to find Xander. They even locked down the building saying he had gotten away when the idiots who had invaded had shown up. One officer caught him sneaking out an hour later so that was nice of the kid.

***

"Governor," a reporter called. "What do you say about the stories of someone going around beheading criminals?"

"I say it's utter bullcrap," he said bluntly. "I haven't heard of any such incidences."

"There's been three in the news," another reporter at the statement said.

"I haven't seen any but I doubt it's a serial killer. Probably just some inner-gang squabbles or something." He looked where the reporters were staring, finding a slobbering, flame colored dog there with a head in its mouth. It was obviously happy with the way its tail was going. "What are you?" he demanded. It barked and put the head down then disappeared. "Um... I have no idea what that was." His guards were calling someone about the head. "If that's what caused that problem we'll be sure to have someone end it." The reporters all nodded and left. Those few who had gotten pictures of it put it around so everyone would know to be careful of it. It was clearly a dangerous animal. The governor looked at his assistant, who looked more shaky than he should be. "What?" he demanded.

"I've seen that thing. The baby that McGarrett was doing the artillery inventory for had it beside him," he said quietly. "His partner offered it Wo Fat."

The governor looked at the head then at him. "I'll talk to them."

"Watch out for that baby. It's clearly not a normal thing either, sir." He fled, going to hide in case the beast came back.

The governor got driven over to HQ. They were conveniently in from a case. "What in the name of the ancient gods is that dog thing?" he demanded as he stomped into their office.

"Xander calls the hellhound his steppuppy," Danny said, looking at him.

"You offered it a criminal?" he demanded.

"Him taking out Wo Fat's people means we get to arrest 'em easier while they're trying to figure out what's going on. She's only gotten two."

"Three. It dropped a head where I was giving a speech."

"The four days they were in Texas, the dog had a huge nest of heads from drug dealers," Steve said. The governor glared at him. "At least it's helping keep crime down."

"Not. Funny," he growled.

"Steppuppy?" Steve called. The dog showed up to stare at him. "Can you be a bit more discrete about how many bad guys you're eating? You're freaking out the normals." The dog barked and wagged her tail. "Thank you. Good girl. Some day I'll send you to some SEALS I know so you can eat terrorists." The dog let out a happy sounding growl. He grinned. "Jensen's whole team is back in Sunnydale dealing with a huge evil thing." She barked and rolled onto her back for belly scratches. He did that. The governor stomped off. He grinned. The dog barked and disappeared.

Chin looked at him then shook his head. "I don't want to know." He walked off shaking his head.

"Where is the kid today?" Kono asked.

"Home. He's got some injuries," Danny said. He looked at her. "How did he get your gun?"

"No idea," she admitted.

"Looks like he's already got ninja SEAL moves," Danny taunted with an evil smirk.

"He's got a good start but I can train the rest into him so whatever he wants to end up doing he'll be great at." He stood up and went back to his paperwork. Maybe having the dog eating Wo Fat's people would be good for their arrests.

Danny and Kono shared a smile then got back to work on their own paperwork.

***

Dr. Janet Fraser walked into General O'Neill's office with some papers. "I'm going to go destroy that town before more bad things get spread into the real world." She put down the papers. "It's not pretty."

He looked. "Is that like Sheppard's bug DNA?"

"Similar reactions at some levels but more attuned toward water than the faster/tougher thing it gave him," she said.

"So he'll be a hell of a swimmer?"

"Yes. Probably. Though I wouldn't encourage him to cheat by going professional with it." She flipped the page. "The other bloodwork results."

He read it over. "What's that?"

"Looks like it's something that eats red blood cells. I'm thinking if vampires are real, that's some of the virus. Probably because of a non-fatal bite. Can we get it out of his system? Yes. It'll take a few times but we can do that." Jack nodded and went over the rest. "I have no idea what to do about the other results."

"We tell the overprotective ones out there." He looked at her. "We keep it in mind for when he's back here."

"He told me that he knew about Atlantis," she offered.

"I have the feeling Sheppard would be the world's most spoiling uncle but McKay would freak, Doc."

She grinned. "It'll do him good to have Rodney and Daniel both over his educational needs."

"McGarrett said he's a hands-on learner and he said the kid told him he hated school."

She considered that. "That's easily worked around." She smirked. "Any other big problems?"

"Did you get to meet his steppuppy?"

"No but I've been watching the news out there. They've got something ripping the heads off their cartel people."

"That would probably be his steppuppy."

"Think it'd like wraith or ori?" she quipped.

"I don't know. I'll ask when he comes out here for my turn."

"Sure." She took the papers. "Let me shred these."

"I need to let McGarrett see them."

"Unless you beam him here, I don't want this getting out into even our hands, General. There's too many that gossip with Area 51's people. Since the NID still want him...."

"Good point." He considered it and called McGarrett. "Bored? Could use you for a minute. Thanks." He tapped his earpiece and got the ship to beam him. Doctor Fraser had slipped him a dot of the marking liquid they all used to tell them from everyone else. McGarrett appeared, looking around and then up. Jack grinned. "It's a nifty thing."

"Huh. Land-based?"

"No, and you have to have targets marked."

"Damn. I could definitely use that for extractions." The doctor handed the forms over. He read them. "Okay, so no swim team when he's older." He turned the page. "Shit."

"That's apparently the vampire virus." She smiled and pointed. "He's not got a bad antigen count, even for his weight."

Steve nodded, folding them and handing them back. "Can we weed any of that down?"

"The vampire virus, yes. Probably. The rest? I have no idea. I'm not actually a virologist and if I tell someone about this, they'll want samples."

"Considering we had some supposed NSA people who had tapped a friend's phone invading the office, that's probably not a good idea." He handed them back. "Any precautions if he gets scraped up?"

"Probably not transmittable. I'll see if there's anyone I trust with this information who can tell me how to go about lowering both of those." She smiled. "How is he healing?"

"He's hiding from us." She rolled her eyes. "Even at the house."

"Do we think his present guardian is not paying enough attention?" Jack asked casually.

"I do," Steve admitted. "But I think if we set him up with someone more strict it'd probably freak him out more. When we told him we were going to take care of the injuries, he ran and hid in an air vent in the bathroom." Jack growled. "By his journal, he used to run the town without supervision, and Jensen's email last night said that his parents were unfortunately still alive. Drunk but alive."

"Greatness," Jack growled. "So we're slowly moving him back toward where normal kids would be used to?

"I doubt we'll ever have a firm grasp on him the way you would most kids his age, General. I think he'd probably try to run from it."

"Probably."

"We're doing good getting him used to usual things, like bandaids being applied by other people."

Janet nodded. "He didn't seem to realize that others would do that. Did Jensen talk to that Willow girl? The one who took out his tonsils when they were twelve?"

"Excuse me?" Jack demanded. She nodded. "How in the hell!"

"Xander said she used to stitch him up too. She learned to play doctor out of her mom's textbooks," Steve said then smirked. "I told Jensen that. He said unfortunately she's important to the battle. Afterward.... Well, we're not sure, sir."

Jack nodded once. "Fuck it, she can go to jail for it," he decided.

"Can't charge her. The police out there haven't come out to answer any calls for the last few days according to that team." He grinned. "They've been in there filing reports about dead bodies that were supposedly eaten by animals again."

"That's stupid, it would be evident," Janet complained.

Steve nodded. "They have a fairly significant minority of bodies that are killed by barbeque forks, Doctor Fraser. They attribute about five to ten percent, depending on the year, killed by them." Her mouth fell open. "Plus a few percent that were killed by chainsaws in the house. About thirty percent of the deaths are attributed to either animal attacks or gangs on PCP."

"That town needs to be shut down," Jack decided, picking up the special red phone on his desk. "Sir, O'Neill. We've gotta talk. No, it's important."

"Jensen said it'll be about a week before the big thing happens," Steve offered with a smile.

Jack snorted. "Can we stop it otherwise?"

"No. The battle's going inside the hellmouth."

O'Neill listened to the spluttering going on over the phone. "Yes, sir, that town. Well, there's a huge situation that you are not aware of beyond all that mess out there. Yes, sir, an hour would be fine." He hung up. "Let him take something for his upcoming headache and give it time to kick in." He smiled. "Want to attend, McGarrett?"

"No, I'm fighting off the asshole governor who hates his steppuppy." He smiled. "Ate three of our major cartel's people."

"Wonderful!" Janet said, walking off shaking her head. "Let me know if he gets injured more than usual, McGarrett."

"Yes, Doctor Fraser." He looked at the general. "Have fun with the president, sir."

"Yup, sure will," he said dryly. "Go home." He had him sent back to the office. Jack got beamed to the White House once he had the journal pages and a few other things. The president was not looking happy to see him already. "I can wait, sir." He sat down and went over a few of the other files that needed to be included. Finally the president's personal assistant left the office and told him to go in. He would not wonder where she had been since he hadn't seen her when he had nearly walked in. "Sir." He saluted.

"You only salute when I'm going to vomit, O'Neill."

"Yes, you probably will. I nearly did." He laid down the files. "I'm not sure how aware you are of some of the back history so I'm being inclusive."

The president looked at the files then nodded, looking at him. "Why is this important?"

Jack put down a single file. "One of the things out there changed this one into a baby. He's my godson so I'll have partial custody."

The president read it, grimacing. "Charming. I saw him mentioned before."

"The NSA has a price on his head to capture at all costs thanks to that."

"Even more charming," he sneered. "Anything else we should know?" Jack put down the journal pages. "What's this?"

"His journal from right after he started helping Miss Summers. Right now, his step-uncle's team is out there taking his place in the battle they're about to have. I'm sharing custody with him and the son of the kid's father's friend from the service. By the way, he's got all the weapons right now."

The president read it slowly. "Translated by Doctor Jackson?"

"Yes, sir. McGarrett used an online one. I pissed Daniel off. He wanted me to find the boy and bring him back full time but as you know we're about to have a battle."

"I heard." He kept reading. He paused and looked up. "Fish?"

"Found, Doctor Fraser is looking it over."

"Okay." He kept going. "What bitches," he muttered.

"We're of the opinion that a certain one of that pair is excessive in her addiction to her skills."

The president nodded and kept going. "This sucks, O'Neill. How old is he?"

"He's supposed to be about eight. He's presently just under two." He smiled. "He's cute. If you've heard something about the beheaded criminals in Hawaii it's his steppuppy."

"His what?"

"His steppuppy. His hellhound that adores him. He said she's like a mommy to him."

"Huh," the president said, taking some more antacid before burping. "Damn that hurt."

"It's going to make you scream in a few, sir." Jack sat down.

The president went back to reading and sure enough he got up to pace and rant about things. "How dare we do this!" he shouted.

"If that's the Initiative? That's the same people that the NSA sent to retrieve the kid."

"Like hell!" he shouted. He went back to reading. "I'll deal with them in a few minutes." He was still pacing but paused and looked at him. "Tell me she can't find them," he said quietly.

"She can. She's searching for someone she trusts to talk to about weeding it down."

"I can understand that. She's a very careful doctor and woman." He slumped back into his chair, finishing the journal. He looked at O'Neill. "What happened?"

"Anya. His girlfriend. She got prompted to wish him gone."

"Who is his step-uncle?"

"Corporal Jensen. Delta. His whole Army team is out there now to take Xander's place."

The president looked him up. "Good service record," he admitted. "What's this note?"

"They found a traitor that was going to use them as a scapegoat and kill them while trashing them."

"Huh." He made a note of that name and file number so he could get that sent to him. He kept looking. "Who has the baby?"

"McGarrett. SEAL on reserve status."

"I've heard of that mess," he admitted, taking down that name. He looked at his general. "Are you going to need to step down to help him?"

"McGarrett and I are switching custody of him, sir. We're each taking about six months. Right now, he's trying to get Xander to accept that he's going to be fussed over, we're going to baby any injuries, and that we'll protect him."

"Figures." He clenched his hands on top of the papers. "What sort of problems are you foreseeing?"

"Not a lot yet. You needed to know that they're coming up on a battle out there. Which Jensen thinks will do something major to the town by what he's heard out there." The president nodded. "He said a few of the beings out there were worried that the town would be shut down for this one."

"Good to know. I'll warn the governor out there," he said calmly. "Anything else I need to hear about?"

"We know the kid had some intelligence network ties. He heard about Atlantis. Janet said he called it mythical."

The president winced. "How?"

"He was apparently playing poker with some of the harmless demons, sir. That's how he has a warehouse full of artillery."

"Charming," he mouthed. "Where?"

"Hawaii." Jack smiled. "McGarrett is most appreciative since it means he doesn't have to fill out forms, even if Xander is adamant that he's replacing anything he uses."

"So we have three fucked up situations tied together with one that's an even bigger fucked up situation," the president said. Jack grinned and nodded, looking happy. "Are you going to be okay splitting custody?"

"Yes, sir, and if Sheppard or McKay are down here, I'm going to introduce them because Sheppard and Harris sound a lot alike."

"They do," he agreed. "Your Doctor Jackson?"

"I'm going to have him planning the kid's education. He still has most of his memories."

"Even better," the president said calmly. "Home school." He looked at the folder on top then at the general. "Thank you for giving me heartburn."

"You can't react to a town going boom if you don't know in advance," Jack said dryly, taking the folders back. "Can and will you intervene with the NSA pussbags?"

"I can and will. As well as the NID ones since some apparently went there." Jack grinned. "They invaded?"

"Yes. McGarrett sent me an email that night. Apparently they started to muscle their way into getting the boy and then demons showed up to protect the baby for the demon that *really* wants the kid. To save the SEAL and his teammates, Xander sent in three hellhounds then went to hide some more before someone else fussed or yelled."

The president considered that. "The NSA people?"

"McGarrett said they mostly lived. Two didn't. The demons did not. Apparently the judge was forced into handing them back to their agency of idiocy."

"Wonderful. I'll talk with them in a minute. Is he protected?"

"Yes. A lot."

"Even better. Thank you for the headache, General." Jack saluted with a smile and left with the journal and most of the files. The president got that associated file sent to him and called up the head of the NSA to see why he had taken in those blights in uniform from the Initiative. He looked up as his guard walked in. "Bring me everything we have on Sunnydale, California."

"Sunnydale?" he asked, starting to look nervous. "Why, sir?"

"I just got told they're about to have a battle that may impact the town remaining open." The guard winced. "Tell me, what do you know about the town?"

"I cannot talk about that, sir. We were told at the inquest that the matter was sealed as a matter of national security."

"I'm the president."

"Yes, sir, but even you can't get those files open." The president gave him a look. "Sir, they won't let you." He walked off. "I'll see what I can find you that's not involved in that mess, sir." He left the White House and went home. He had some papers he had to write out and then he had to commit suicide before the president found out what had happened. There was no way he wanted his former teammates to take him out. They might get his new wife.

***

The president called O'Neill later that night. "It went deeper than you thought, O'Neill. The child is still in danger. Bring me the files," he warned then hung up. He had to take some of his own precautions since two of his guards were now dead by someone trying to kill him and one by his own hand. The Secret Service was having a melt-down. He called the head in. Jack O'Neill got sent back and handed them over again. "Sit, it'll piss you off." The man sat, his lips pressed together in a thin line. He took the files to look over. "It's important and all intertwined."

The director nodded and read over everything. He set aside a few things he wanted to ask about. He finally got done and looked at the president. "The person who this journal belonged to?"

"Got changed. He's nineteen months," Jack said. "With most of his memories."

The man nodded. "Why are they coming to light now, sir?"

"I asked him to stop the NSA since they've got a price on the kid's head and tried to grab him," Jack said.

"I asked for the files we had on Sunnydale," the president said. "One of my guards committed suicide and then I nearly got assassinated."

The head of the Secret Service nodded. "What's going on out there?"

"A battle in a few weeks," Jack said. "We have a team from the Army out there to fill in for the kid. His step-uncle. That's how we found out about the deaging and the cluster fuck."

The director nodded, standing up. "Has anyone over there said anything yet, sir?"

"No, they haven't. Though I believe Jack might know about the person who shot at us." He handed over the pictures from the security system.

Jack looked. "NID." He handed it back and took the keyboard to type in a name so the president could look it up. "We fired him for being a dick who wanted to torture natives for information." The director of the Secret Service gave him a pointed look. "I head an eyes-only project out of Cheyenne," he told him. "Only the president and a few others have access to our files. We've tangled with their group in the past when they wanted to take some of my people in for *testing*."

"Including you," the president said.

"Yes, including me."

The director huffed. "I've heard rumors about a geek project out there."

"We do have a lot of them and a lot of Marines and Air Force people," Jack admitted. "We need 'em."

The president nodded. "And more than you have usually." He looked up from reading that file. "He's supposedly been dead twice."

"So either a shiny box or he's covert," Jack said.

"Shiny box at least once," the president said. He let him see it.

Jack read and grimaced. "Yay," he muttered. He stepped back. "Sir, you should go somewhere a lot more protected."

"The White House has a lot of protected areas," the director complained.

Jack looked at him. "We have space ships, Director. They have covert agents that we haven't been able to find yet." The director gaped then looked at the president, who nodded. "Permission to read him in, sir?"

"Granted." He called upstairs to his wife. "Pack us a bag, dear. We're going on a short safe trip." He hung up. "Maybe I'll go check on the boy in Hawaii."

"If you want, sir," Jack agreed. "It's a pretty state." He pulled the director aside to talk about what he did and how. The guy was muttering curse words by the time he got halfway through. It was almost sweet how flustered the director got about the stargate program. Jack looked around. Something felt off. "Sir, let's move you," he ordered. "Something's wrong." The president nodded, grabbing a few things and a picture off his desk, taking them with him. They got to the hallway and the doors behind the desk blew apart. The glass tinkled on the antique carpet.

"That wasn't a laser," Jack said. "That was a ship's gun." He got them beamed back to the mountain, and his wife and children too. Even the one that had been on a date with her college boyfriend. She appeared mid-kiss goodnight - fortunately still dressed. The president cleared his throat and she squeaked, looking around. Jack smiled. "Welcome to Cheyenne Mountain, Miss. Your father was just almost shot." She nodded and followed along with what they were doing. Jack made sure the president's family had extra guards. The base could still be invaded.

***

Xander blinked awake, looking up at the roof of his hiding spot. "That's going to suck," he muttered, calling out mentally for Halfrek. She appeared and squeaked then started to call protection down for the house. The nanny rushed in and Halfrek gave orders. Xander crawled out of his spot. He had a few in the house. "Go where?" he asked.

"Go to the warehouse. I have it shielded already, Xander. Who is this?"

"Dweebs from mil." He took his guardian with him. She had to drive. He couldn't. It was too far to sneak.

"What woke you?" his guardian asked as she backed the car down the driveway.

He shrugged. "Vision." She nodded, accepting that. He concentrated on his contacts. Two were getting pissed off. He thought at one of them and that one told the other one. They would be fixing that problem. Permanently. Demons in space was weird but helpful this time.

***

Jack O'Neill looked up as the alarm started. "What now?" he complained. He called the ships. "What happened now?" He heard the rapid report. "No, if they're not generally attacking, let them capture whoever and have him sent to me with them. Beam them against their wills to the gateroom. I think they're protecting us." He hung up and got soldiers ready. Two units should be enough. The director of the Secret Service was watching from the gateroom. The demons and their captives got beamed in. "Gentlemen, I'm Xander's other guardian." One flinched and bowed slightly. "Is this all of them?"

"No," one grunted. "Two others. Hiding well down here." He summoned them and let them land in a heap with the ones they had captured. "No one touches the boy."

Jack smiled. "I'd love for none of you to have to go near him at all to protect him. If you have to, you let me know or McGarrett know?" The demons grunted and fled. He looked at the people on the floor. "Confine them. Get the docs to check for symbiots." The guards nodded and took them to the brig. Jack relaxed, calling out there. "We just stopped an attack on the kid I think." He hung up and went to oversee the checks. Sure enough, symbiots. "Great, what does the Trust want with them?" he demanded.

"We'll ask once they're no longer snaked, General," Janet said calmly and quietly. The colonel in charge of the ship the demons had invaded stomped their way. "Relax, Colonel Ellis. These people were snaked."

"What was that?" he demanded to O'Neill. "Some *beings* just appeared and took out some of my people."

"They're probably the same ones that fired on the White House earlier," Jack said bluntly. Ellis whimpered and shook his head. "Yeah. Help us get them unsnaked and we can interrogate." Ellis nodded, getting the doctor more staff to help her. This was insane.

***

McGarrett walked into the warehouse at the ass crack of dawn the next morning, looking at the pacing boy. "It's all good. Whatever demons helped last night got the ones that were going to attack you and the president. Apparently O'Neill told him about Sunnydale and they became unhinged." Xander nodded, stopping his pacing. "You okay?"

"Yeah," he said, looking around then at him. "Missing stuff."

"We moved some of it to the house." Xander pointed. The weapons were in a smaller stack. "That's not good. Any idea?" Xander shook his head. "Crap." He called in the others to search for them. Someone had to have it. The tentacle gun was part of it, and it was easier to track. It wasn't really a tactical weapon to use in the field. Anyone who saw it in action would freak out at the tentacles. It was only a few hours later that they got to run a raid on the governor's assistant. The guy was trying to figure out how to use the tentacle gun. Steve took it from him and used it to destroy the guy's car. The gun got happy reloading itself. The man shuddered and backed off. Steve stared him down. "It won't save you. You still stole from the kid."

"He doesn't need it," he sneered. "Nor do you."

Danny snorted. "You're so wrong about that. Especially since we got special notice last night that the same people who tried for the president wanted the kid." The man shuddered and started to stomp off but Kono slammed him onto the ground to cuff him. "Where's the rest of it?" Danny demanded.

"It's safely put up for destruction," he sneered.

Steve called the SWAT team to find out if they had it. That was their job. They didn't. "No, it's not." He hung up. They searched his office, finding the wire transfer confirmation he had printed. "He sold it."

"We can get it back and arrest them too," Chin said. He settled in behind the man's computer to look up that contact. It was nicely still here in the city. The shipment was waiting to be cleared for sailing out. They rushed over to grab the new bad guys. Regular HPD could finish the assistant's arrest. They found the weapons and rescued them.

Kono looked. "One's the special one." She looked around. "No one looks like a demon."

"A tenth of all the species look human," Steve said, staring around. He glared at someone who frantically shook his head and pointed. "You'd better have a very good explanation."

"We want to take out the same Higher," the demon defended.

"We'll get him for you." They dragged everyone back to the station to be arrested formally and booked. The weapons went back to the warehouse. They were only missing one thing by the inventory Xander was doing. That one had been used though so they were okay with that loss. Xander was happier. Even if Danny was staring at the kid in a way that usually meant he was using his detective skills. Steve nudged Danny and gave him a pointed look. Danny flashed a hand-code sign for 'stay'. He watched as his partner strolled over.

"Xander?" Danny asked quietly. Xander blinked up at him. "What happened to your back?"

Xander blinked a few times then shook his head. "Nothing?"

"Bullshit." He picked the kid up and put him on top of an artillery case that was too high for him to jump off safely. He took the t-shirt off him in one swift move. Xander flinched. He turned him around, staring at the marks. "Did something claw you?"

"I got itchy last night," Xander said, trying to look back there. Kono got a mirror out of the car that they used to check for bombs. Xander looked and grimaced. "What did that?"

"You didn't feel that at all?" Danny asked cautiously.

"No. I was a bit itchy. I scratched on a corner of my room."

"No, that's not I scratched too hard." He looked at them more closely. "There's fur in them."

"I'm not a werewolf," Xander complained.

"Didn't think you were. What about the dogs? Could they have gotten too friendly?"

"No, they'd burn." He sucked on his bottom lip. "I don't know."

"How can you not feel yourself being scratched?" Chin asked.

"After a while, the little injuries get no notice," Steve said. "It's a bad sign for your reactions and how injured you've become." He looked at him, going to get the first aid kit. He came back to smooth some anti-itch cream over the sores, getting a sigh of pleasure. "That's not scratches and I think the fur is incidental." He looked at them. "That's flea bites." Danny groaned. So did the kid. Steve smiled. "No wonder you itched."

"I not played with anything that had fleas."

"Grass fleas."

"Oh." He shrugged. "Thanks."

"Welcome." Steve let him have his shirt back. "How's your rib?"

"It's fine."

"Uh-huh." He ruffled his hair. "We're going to trim that mess."

"Sure." He looked down and started to move but Steve put him back onto the floor, getting a grin back.

"No twinkies for breakfast, mini man."

"Fine. They're at home anyway." Halfrek appeared. "It fixed?"

"Yup. The one that prompted the attack is very sorry. Stupid Initiative people."

"Did Buffy date?" Xander quipped.

"No, thankfully not this one." She smiled and patted him on the head. "What is that?"

"Fleas?" Steve guessed. "His back's eaten up by flea bites."

She looked and then at him. "Gotta be careful of that." She smiled and winked. "O'Neill actually used the demons that I sent to attack the ones trying to capture you to get the bad guys for us."

"Wow."

"Without hurting them."

"Bigger wow." Xander grinned. "He's good."

"He's very good." She winked. "Go rest."

"Not sleepy." He gave her a manic grin and cackled, bouncing off to play with something.

Halfrek looked then at McGarrett. "That's his needing a nap sound." She disappeared.

Danny nodded. "I did that a few times when I haven't slept in days." He caught the kid and held him.

"Hey!" Xander complained.

"Shut up," Danny said with a fond smile at the kid. Xander snorted. "C'mon, we'll look at some of the other boxes to see what's in there." He took him to do something more sedate. The boy was tired. He was trying to relax. "I'm not going to drop you," he said quietly.

"I know." He looked in the box. "I have no idea."

Danny laughed, helping him dig in the straw. "Huh."

"Oh, 'nades!" He nodded with a grin. "Nice 'nades."

"Yeah, I'm sure they are," Steve agreed, coming over to look. "These weren't on your inventory."

Xander shrugged and yawned. "Didn't know I had."

"We'll find out where they came from to make sure the dogs didn't steal them." Xander grinned and nodded. He dug out the others to make sure they were all secure and that the kid's new collection of toys weren't something too unusual. He would also make sure that they did not sit in his car's glove box or trunk, ever.

***

Xander looked at the daycare then at his caregiver, shaking his head. "No thanks."

"Tough. I can't leave you home alone when I go grocery shopping, Xander."

"No."

"Yes." She gave him a nudge inside the play room. "Go sit and play with blocks or something."

"No."

"Now," she insisted. "Halfrek said it was a good thing."

"Torture is wrong," he reminded her.

"It's not torture. Go play." She pointed then walked off.

He glared at her back, growling slightly. The room worker came over to see if he was all right but he stomped off. He had to go to the bathroom anyway. Better there than in a diaper. That was something he'd be ending soon. While in there, he found a window. It wasn't easily reached but he could climb some. He got up onto the toilet and checked. Locked. He found something on the sink to hit the latch with.

Someone knocked. "Are you all right, Xander? Do you need cleaned up?" a kindly female voice asked.

"Fine. Pooping."

"All right. Let us know when you're done so we can help you clean up."

"Okay." He shook his head because that was *not* happening. No one was wiping his butt and he was not playing with *babies*. He tapped the latch a few times until it popped up. Thankfully it wasn't one of those that you had to bend to get off the hook ledge. He climbed out and looked down. Long jump. He winced but jumped. His bad ankle twinged really hard but he didn't care. He strolled off looking like he was going to play. Someone slowed down to stare at him and he realized he was too little to be let out alone so he ran to hide in some shadows and moved more carefully.

He hated being this age. If he was older it'd be much easier. He had memorized the way here so he traced it in reverse, kind of. There had been a few big intersections so he had to use a smaller one and divert back. He hoped it worked. If not, he'd ask for some help. Demonic help, not human that would call the cops to come get his wandering, underage butt.

He finally found the street he lived on and ran to the house and up to his room to hide and relax. He was not going to daycare ever again!

***

McGarrett called O'Neill and Jensen on a joint video call. "The kid is real good at sneaking. Fair warning."

"What did he sneak away from?" Jack asked.

"Daycare." Jensen snickered, shaking his head. "Over a mile back to the house and it took his caregiver an hour to find where he was hiding in the house. By the way, he nearly fractured an ankle while escaping."

"Wonderful," Jensen said. "He good otherwise?"

"Grounded. If he had called, we would've come to pick him up and make sure he wasn't hurt or lost. Instead the daycare called when it couldn't get his caregiver."

Jack winced. "That's not good. No missing kid alerts?"

"No. I told her I'd set one up if I didn't catch him on his way home." He looked behind himself then at O'Neill. "I have no idea what to do about this shit. I'm not a parent. Even my partner, who is a parent, has no idea what to do about this shit without yelling at him."

"That might hurt him more," Jack agreed. "He does have to get it through his tiny skull that he's little."

"He knows but sometimes he seems to forget. He said it would've been easier if he was older," Steve said dryly.

Jensen nodded. "Probably. I made it about six miles when I was five." They both stared at him. He smiled. "I didn't want to visit that aunt at all."

"It's good to know that he gets it naturally," Jack said. He rubbed one eyebrow. "Any other traumas we should know about?"

"Right now, we're arguing over the grenades someone gave him. My partner hates that sometimes they end up in his car's glovebox."

"Grenades don't belong in a glovebox," Jack agreed.

"They belong on a utility belt," Jensen quipped with a grin.

"I don't usually have my vest. Just cargos," Steve said dryly. "You can't sit on them so I put them in the glovebox with extra ammo."

"I'd worry about that too," Jack said dryly. "Especially with the heat you guys get." He gave him a pointed look. "Buying a new car is expensive and most insurance policies don't cover 'blown up accidentally by the grenade in the glovebox'."

"Whatever. How do we counter the whole running away thing?"

"He probably didn't want to go play with real little kids," Jensen said. "I'd hate that. I adore kids but a roomful of them would finish off what sanity my team hasn't killed."

"That's about what he said. He wasn't a baby and didn't want to play with babies," Steve said. "Sometimes his caretaker needs to go grocery shopping."

"I took my former son," Jack said quietly.

"She thought he might have a problem." Jack shook his head. "I pointed that out. She said she wanted some non-kid time. So we had a talk about how he was in the backyard most of the day and she was inside reading." Jack growled. Steve nodded. "It'll get better. She knows he needs some structure or he'll run everyone ragged. Danny's done good getting him to quit swearing."

"That's good," Jensen agreed. "Though yeah that probably came from my side of the family too. No, Pooch, you have to fucking wait. I'm talking to Jack and Steve about the kid." He turned back to face the camera. "Anyway. We'll get a few days off for healing probably after this." Steve grinned. "It's not pretty. Tell him his friends miss him. They do not like Clay's methods."

"Figures," Jack agreed. "Teenage girls wouldn't like the commando method of battles."

"They went shoe shopping yesterday and he threw a fit," Jensen said with a smirk. He waved and hung up.

Jack and Steve looked at each other once the screen had adjusted. "Can we get him a better caretaker?"

"I think if she's too strict she'll end up scaring him."

"Probably," Jack said. "But there's still gotta be rules for his own safety."

"I pointed that out. Danny did as well at the top of his lungs. She tried to huff off but Xander pounced Danny and got him calmed down slightly. His ex-wife is going to start fussing over Xander too. Apparently he told her about a case he had back in New Jersey that Halfrek had caused."

"That's probably not a pretty thing to see." Jack shifted and grimaced then let it clear up. "Need Doc to come see his ankle?"

"We taped it. He even admitted it hurt without prompting when we asked."

"Good! That's a great sign. Send him my way in a few months. We'll be in spring so it won't be an adjustment to the cold winter weather." Steve smiled and nodded. "And I'll have some of my people back to introduce him to." He hung up, leaning back in his desk chair to consider things.







And this is as far as i've gotten on this. vo.

Jake and his team showed up in Hawaii a few days after that apocalypse. Steve looked up from doing paperwork to find Jake leaning in his doorway looking exhausted, had his arm in a sling, and clearly couldn't stand on both feet. "That bad?" Steve asked, leaning back in his chair.

"Yup. But we made it out of there alive. That's the important thing." He looked behind him then at him. "I was going to stop in and play. They're not home?"

"No idea. They could be in the warehouse of Xander's stuff petting weapons for all I know." He looked out there. "Danny, where's the kid?" he called.

"Shots today." He looked at Jake. "You're the third scary uncle sort?" He grinned and nodded. "Good. Boy needs some good, straight role models at times who won't teach him to swear even more."

"I might fail on that part," Jake said dryly. "Can we pause and play with him?"

"Yeah, I sent a text message. Shouldn't be too long before I get where they are." Steve got one. "From her?"

"Yeah. She said she hates you, you're a dickhead, and she's letting him go to the big park about three miles that way," he said with a point and a grin. "He'll be on the playground that's not by the parking lot so no one tries to snatch him. She's hiking off for a few hours of sanity. Apparently Xander didn't like the pediatrician so much."

Jake smiled. "I hate most docs too," he agreed. "Let me go play with the kiddo. Thanks, guys." He limped off. "Big park, three miles that way, playground not by the parking lot," he said with a point. Roque grunted but nodded. Pooch couldn't drive thanks to his lovely concussion. At least his pregnant wife was going to show up to baby him for a few weeks while they were on downtime. They found the park and got out, scouting the parking lot. They found Xander on the swingset by himself so Jake walked over to push him, making the kid flinch and stare at him. "Hey, kiddo."

"Jake!" he cooed. "You okay? Everyone 'kay?"

"Everyone survived but we're all seriously banged up, little guy. Sunnydale didn't survive but the people did." Xander grinned at him. He hugged him. "Were you mean to the doc?"

"Yup. Didn't like him. Smelled like death." He cuddled him, looking over his shoulder. "Still need tights, dude." Roque snorted but let them play while the rest of them watched and waited on Jolene to get there. When she did, Xander hopped off the swing to go stare at her stomach. He looked up at her. "Little boy like me?" he asked with a grin.

"I am having a little boy, just like you," she praised, petting over his hair. "Where your mom, little guy?"

"That's Jake's nephew, Xander," Clay said with a smirk for her. "Pooch is on the bench," he said with a point. He looked at the kid. "Go play. You can mug the baby later." He ran back with a cackle of noise. "No sugar, Jensen," he reminded him.

"Too late," he cooed. "We had a twinkie. Xander shared his pack." They went back to swinging, him telling his nephew about how good Jolene cooked. Xander cuddled him and yawned a few times so they went to sit in the shade for a bit. He didn't take long naps but it was a good time for one. Jake grinned at Jolene. "He's mad we wouldn't let him do any driving or anything."

"I wouldn't either with how dizzy he is." She kissed her husband on the forehead again. "You'll heal, baby."

"Thankfully I didn't get bitten more than once and Roque staked the fucker," he complained. She smiled at Roque for saving her baby.

"I'd hate to have to replace him with someone better for you," Roque said dryly. He looked at the two bouncy ones, shaking his head with a sigh. "I'm not so shocked by the kid now that I saw the insanity he came from. Damn that was stupid levels of bad."

Clay nodded. "More undead than living. Mouthy ones too. Ones who hit on him and me so we could perform for them as they ate us." Jolene shook her head quickly. "Battle was horrible. That was the stuff of nightmares and then Spike spilled blood and we had to run like hell because the town was being sucked in. It was so bad even Jensen can't read books with the stupid that bad."

Jolene smiled. "At least you all survived."

"Yup," Clay agreed with a nod. "Barely but yup." Cougar was still shivering in the sun. "So many of them were college aged girls they still wanted his hat," he said when she noticed Cougar. "Nineteen attempts in one night to get the hat and its owner into their coffins. We barely managed to save him and that's when Summers *finally* shows up and handles it. We point out why we're there and she complains but then we got attacked and handled it for her. Talk about bitchy. Not even your mood swings got that bad, Jolene. She's good at what she does but still bitchy."

She nodded. "Strong women have to be sometimes."

"Even beyond that," Roque assured her. He looked at Jake and the kid. "She's fine, kid. She's in LA with her ex, the undead penis."

"Oooh. Cordy must like that," he muttered, flipping to snuggle into Jake's chest. "She'll have snarkies with her."

"Yeah, they did. Cordelia came up for a day with their group to help," Jake told him. "Told Buffy off for wearing a skirt to a battle." Xander giggled but nodded. "Thankfully they're all gone with the town. All the good guys won and limped off into the sunset like it's a fairytale."

Xander looked up at him. "Fairytales don't happen to proclaimed ones." He buried his face again. "I sick."

"Why? Did the shots upset your stomach?" Xander nodded. "It's all right. We can handle that. Nap for now, little guy, then we'll go eat something." Xander groaned but went to puke in the bushes. Jake got up to follow and help him.

Jolene looked at Clay again. "He's supposed to be a bit older. The one who changed him down waved too hard she said." He yawned. "That's got to be magic," he said, seeing her yawn. "Jensen, magic making us all sleepy."

"I noticed. I've got my protection amulet on."

"Mine?" Xander asked him.

"No. Mine. Dawn made me one." He kissed him on the head and came back to sit down with him. "Someone had chocolate eggos for breakfast."

"Was bribe for shooty doc," Xander told him. "Going to run next time I see them."

"That's always a great idea, yup," Jake agreed. A witch showed up and stomped over. "Rosenburg," he said with a nod. Xander groaned. "Problems?"

"I can change him back," she said, smiling at him.

Xander flipped over to blink at her. "Go away, evil bitch."

She glared at him. "Little boys shouldn't swear," she sneered.

"Yay." He waved a hand in the air. "Not really little, Willow. I remember."

"They said those will fail."

He smirked. "Didn't realize I had visions either. Oops." She flinched back. "Go before I find puppies and kitties to call for help."

"I doubt they'd let you have a grenade," she said. "I can make sure you're a normal little boy, just like you should be."

Xander smirked at her. "Steppuppy!" The hellhound showed up and stared at Willow, head tipped to the side. "She's bad magic Willow." The dog barked and panted at her, looking happy. She backed away slowly. "You can make me how I should be but I know your magic is bad. So shoo. Not supposed to be here anyway." Hallie showed up. "Bad magic, Hallie."

"I can tell that. Dog, guard him and the pregnant one," she said with a point. Clay and Cougar were standing and Roque, who had been leaning against a tree, was already surrounding Willow. "What exactly were you planning, Willow?"

"I can change him back!" she shouted with a point at him. "He's not supposed to be like this."

"No, he should be about seven." She smirked slightly. "That won't help him any at the moment though since I can see the spell you've got ready. It'd obliterate him from history. I guess you wanted to die and be vamped?"

"I wouldn't have been," she sneered back. "That was only one possible wishverse and he turned me. He wouldn't be there to do that this time."

"No, you would've been taken by that guy when we were in second grade," Xander said dryly. "The one I nearly hit with the rocks." Willow flinched, staring at him. He nodded. "Would've."

Hallie read it and nodded. "Well, not quite. There was one earlier one that you didn't stop but her parents sneering at your parents stopped because they didn't make it to the park in time to be eaten. Your parents nearly got killed by it but it flinched from all the liquor," she told him. "Without you messing up the house they wouldn't have been out there that night so she would've been killed with them at that time."

She stared at Willow. "So." Willow huffed and threw magic at her. Hallie deflected it and sent it back. Willow shrieked and fought back. The dog moved to bite her. "No, Steppuppy, guard the boy and the unborn." The dog moved back. Willow looked at it and Hallie pulled something out, sucking the magic from Willow. Willow fell down with a shriek. She walked over, laying it on Xander's head, making him grin since he grew up.
"That's a bit easier," she said, kissing him on the head. It knocked the boy out. "He'll have a lot of growing pains tonight and I have no idea where his guardian is getting drunk." She stepped back. "All right. Go play in your motel room with your nephew, Jake. We can deal with other things in the morning." He nodded, getting up and limping off with the baby. Jolene got Pooch moving with Roque's help and Clay followed with Cougar to guard them. She smiled. They were a fantastic team and it might take all of them and the other two guardians to make Xander a normal little boy.

She went to talk to Steve, and his team as it turned out since they were briefing. "I left Willow unconscious in a park after I sucked her attack on Xander out." Steve stared at her, hands on his hips, murderous glare on his face. "I used the magic to age him to where he should be. So he's seven." She went to interrupt the general's battle to tell him the same thing, and it helped by letting the soldiers beat the enemies. She smiled at the duo fighting together. "General, there you are. I stripped some of Willow's magic from her when she was going to wipe your nephew from history. She's unconscious in a park right now but I used it to age him to his proper age of seven." She waved and disappeared.

General O'Neill looked around. "That's Halfrek. She gave me part-time custody of my godson," he noted. "Xander's now seven apparently. Huge bits of fits that all that brought," he noted at the opening mouth from Daniel. "We can check on him and we're getting him here in another two weeks." He walked off to call Steve. "He's seven?"

//According to her, yes. They found Willow unconscious, I told them she had just passed out and the people around her had fled instead of calling it in. Hopefully they'll be giving her things to block her magic. By the way, can't find his guardian today. Apparently she dropped him in the park and went to get drunk. So being seven should help some things.//

"Hopefully. All right, let me know. I know I've got him in about two weeks for the next six months."

//Have fun. We have. He's a good little boy who cusses like a sailor unless Danny's around. Or his little girl.//

"Figures. Okay, let me know if you have problems with her or anything, Steve. Have fun. We're cleaning up from a battle." He hung up and went to talk to the others again. He stared at the Atlantis personnel who had appeared during it to help them. "Nice timing, guys."

"Always happy to help," Sheppard said dryly, smirking at him. "We came to talk about our yearly things, General."

"I heard. In thanks, I'm going to introduce you two to a subject that'll make McKay swear again but it's a good idea and I think you two could help me a lot."

"Why are you going to make him swear, General?" John Sheppard sighed. "I hate when he gets into that mood. Then I have to break something for him to fix. It makes the whole city edgy."

"No, it's down here and he'll swear about a lot of things. Including deaging things." He walked the colonel off. "Mitchell, heel, you too, Daniel," he called. Someone barked. "Cute. Need a flea dip?"

"We haven't been in a desert for a while so hopefully not," Cam complained. They went to the office and Landry was hanging up the red phone. "He ordered, sir."

"Janet," the general bellowed over the speakers. "Office. News about a patient." She walked in a few minutes later. "Close it, people." They closed the doors and he looked at them. "She showed up, Janet."

"Oh, crap," she sighed, sitting down. "How bad was he hurt?"

"Nearly wiped out. So she used it to make him his proper age of seven."

She grinned. "That'll help a lot." She looked at the confused looking men. "What would you do if the general had proof that magic exists?"

"Notify your team to have him and yourself confined," Rodney McKay said. "Should I call one specific doctor?"

She pulled the file out of the desk, handing it to him. "The vengeance demon for lost childhoods showed up and handed Jack his deaged godson. He had been a toddler but is now apparently seven." She smiled. "I did his exam."

"She had him at the doctor's this morning," Jack told her.

She shook her head. "No. I'll make that clear and read Dr. Lam into it." She looked at the huffy man who was about to throw a fit. "Think how he feels. He was nearly twenty-two before that happened. Then he was a toddler with the seven-year-old capabilities."

"The boy snuck from a daycare over a mile to get home," Jack told them. "He's very hands on for learning. Liked to do construction before." He grinned at Sheppard. "He'll need a few good uncles in case something happens to me. Danny boy already knows because he translated the diary we found." Danny grunted but nodded. "We have him for six months out of the year. His other guardian has him in Hawaii for the other six months. He's a SEAL."

Sheppard looked at him. "So we're helping him regrow into someone sane?"

"Yes," Jack said with a grin. "And protecting him because every single demon known to history wants him." He smirked. "He reminds me so much of you, Sheppard. I think you and McKay could help him become a bit more normal. Though he has bad reactions to being called normal thanks to them." He handed over the translated journal pages.

McKay stared at him. "Why me?"

"He's used to a nagging semi-genius who treated him like he was worthless," Jack said dryly. "Change his opinion of geniuses, McKay. Help with educational ideas too please."

"I suppose I can. Does he like to study?"

"He's hands on," Jack told him. "He liked doing construction before."

"So perhaps we can teach him mechanical engineering," he decided, handing the file to Mitchell. Sheppard had read over his shoulder. "Those girls?"

"His former girlfriend made the wish," Jack said with a smug look. "Because they were so busy. The witch that just got knocked out for trying to hurt him was one of those. His traveling guardian's team was out there helping with their last apocalypse battle." Sheppard shuddered. "Exactly. So we're guarding him, helping him regrow, all that. He'll need good uncles if I die. That's where you guys come in." He smirked at them.

"Be happy to mentor him into our esteemed image," Mitchell said as he read. "What the fuck?" he demanded, looking up.

"Harvest?" Jack asked casually.

"No. What's a Harvest?"

"Bad," Jack said with a nod. "Really bad. What are you reading?"

"Vampires?"

"Yeah, his town was full of them. Now his town's been sucked into the hole." He smirked. "He used to fight vampires because they took that friend. That whole section reminded me of Sheppard."

Mitchell went back to reading, frowning at it. "Yeah, he does. Wow." He kept going, stiffening. "Harvest. Yeah." McKay patted him on the arm. He kept reading, frowning as he went on. "Um...is that like bug DNA?" he asked the doctor, who nodded. "Great."

"Very little taint remains," she said. "And some blood taint from something he was fighting. Just wait until Thanksgiving after graduation."

He looked, skimming faster. The graduation made him tip his head and huff. Sheppard took that to read, grimacing at it. "Sir?" Sheppard asked.

"His plans," Jack said. "We have a tape of it thanks to Halfrek."

"Huh." They went back to reading. "Sir, these morons?" Cam Mitchell asked, looking up. "Are they dead or in jail?"

"Mostly in jail but some are in Homeland and some are working for the UN, Mitchell." He smirked. "I have a list of them so they're not coming here."

"Good, I'd hate to use them to bait wraith. I don't hate the wraith hard enough for that," Sheppard agreed, going back to his next page. "God damn."

"Yup," Mitchell said. They kept going until Cam was done and Sheppard had put back the last few pages. They handed it back to the general. "We can be good uncles, sir. Teach him how to do it the right way, to think better of the military too."

Sheppard nodded. "Be my pleasure, sir."

"Good." He smiled. "I was counting on you guys doing that. Janet, please do tell Lam?" She nodded. "Boys, he'll be here in a few weeks so right before two of you go back home. We think the house will switch. Thankfully all his twinkies, his ex's sex toys, and all his weapons will probably stay in Hawaii. Maybe his steppuppy the hellhound that rips off heads will too. McGarret could use the help sometimes."

"I know him," Sheppard said with a grin.

"Know the team called the Losers?" Jack asked.

"Heard rumors."

"Jensen's his other uncle. They had a lot of trouble out in Sunnydale but won. He's in Hawaii on visitation."

"Yes, sir, introduce us please," Sheppard said, saluting. "Permission to get drunk?"

"Granted." They all left, Janet going to help with the injured. He looked at Landry, who was shaking his head. "He's a good boy."

"I'm sure he will be once we detox him from out there. Normal people aren't warriors."

"Which is why Sheppard and Mitchell will make great uncles." Jack walked off, taking the file with him. He went to the infirmary. Doctor Lam was dealing with the last few people when he went to sit in her office. Janet smiled but kept up with her current job of stitching. When they were done, they both came in. He handed Dr. Lam the file. "My god son. I have partial custody."

She frowned but read it and the medical reports. "How did he do that?" she asked, looking at Janet since it had her name on it.

"Read the journal," she said, sitting down and running a hand through her red hair. "It's just that bad."

Dr. Lam went to the journal, frowning. "Vampires?" she demanded.

"Gets worse," Jack said. "Much worse."

She went back to reading, gritting her teeth in a few places. It explained some of those weird medical records as well. She finally closed the file and handed it back. "Why do I need to know about him, General? Is he coming here to join a team?"

"He's seven. Now." She blinked at him. "Deaged." She nodded slowly. "I get him for six months out of the year. He'll be here in two weeks."

"This way if something happens to me, someone here knows," Janet told her. "He's got a few funny reactions. I'm going to make sure his guardian knows I'm his pediatrician of record and I'll be the one handling his checkups."

"I have asked Mitchell, Sheppard, and McKay to help me by being good uncles to him. His guardian in Hawaii has his team doing the same thing. And one's ex-wife and daughter."

She licked her lips but nodded. "The others who might want to test him?"

"He's already destroyed two NID agents," Jack said with a smirk. "We were all so proud."

She nodded more quickly. "Okay. I can handle it if he comes in and Janet's not here. Do we know if he'll react correctly to standard meds?"

"No, I haven't done that yet," Janet said. "I've been meaning to but I've been too busy."

"Okay," Doctor Lam decided. "I can handle that. He'll be here in two weeks you said, General?" He smirked and nodded. "If he comes to work with you, I'll gladly make nice with the little guy."

"He might be scared of you. His friends were bitches," Jack said.

"I saw. His ex-girlfriend was too." She smirked a tiny bit. "How bad can he be?"

"He was about two until earlier," Jack said. "He snuck over a mile from the daycare his watcher put him in so she could grocery shop. We were all pretty proud."

"We had to talk to him about how real people treated injuries and gave a damn that he had a bruised ankle and ribs," Janet told her.

"Yeah, I can help with that," she agreed.

"You can't be too pushy," Janet warned. "He ran from them suggesting they could put on bandaids for him."

"I've seen a few soldiers that injured." She sighed. "Thank you for the warning. Introduce me when he gets here." She walked off, going to her office to throw a fit. If aliens weren't bad enough, now they had magic!

Janet smiled at the general. "That went well."

"Yup. The other three are probably drunk." He got up and took the folder back, going back to his office.

Janet went to check on the injured people.

***

Clay opened the motel room door, nodding at the officer there. "Problems? I told the boys to quit squealing so loudly."

"Sir, someone reported you five men, and one pregnant woman, have a young child in your custody and they didn't think it was ...normal."

"Jake's visiting his nephew. We're all in on injury leave, Officer," Clay said dryly but let him inside. "Jensen!" He leaned out of the bathroom. He pointed at the officer.

Jake grinned at him. "Hi, Officer. Hold on, I'm getting sticky syrup off my nephew." He went back to the bathroom and they came out a minute later with Xander pulling on his shirt. "So who said what?"

"Is he your relative, sir?"

"My stepsister's son. She's gone and a local officer has full time custody of him when he's not in Colorado with another relative. Since I'm still active duty, I can't keep him full time. We're visiting."

The officer blinked at him. "That's weird, sir. Who has formal custody?"

"He has a nanny basically," Clay said patiently. "His local guardian is McGarrett."

"Five-Oh McGarrett?" the officer asked. Clay nodded.

Xander looked up at the officer. "People wanted to snatch me again. It sucks," he said dryly. "So Unclie Steve watches over my nanny sort, who is kind of boring. But Uncle Danny plays and Uncle Steve plays and teaches me stuff. Uncle Jake is just back from a battle so we're playing." He grinned. "They're all great uncles. So who thought they were bad guys who touched me?"

"Someone at the motel office."

Xander snorted and said something in another language. "Dumbasses," he finished. He walked out, going to the office. He stared at one of the people, who was giving him horrified looks. "Auntie Halfrek put me with my uncles. Uncle Jake's just back from helping the flighty, blonde, yappy Buffy one in Sunnydale."

"Knight," she whispered, swallowing hard. He nodded. "Oh, dear."

"That's my Uncle Jake," he said with a point and a grin. "Unclie Steve watches over me here. You can ask him about me if you want."

She nodded. "We had heard. The Red Witch was here."

"Yeah, she tried to obliviate history."

The half-demon moaned, slumping down. "I understand. They are not evil sorts."

"No. They even saved Spike." He went back to the room, smiling at the officer. "She knew some of my last family."

"That figures," Jake agreed, picking him up to hug. "We should have cheeseburgers tonight. I had to eat tofu in Sunnydale. It was gross."

Xander nodded. "Used to eat that too. Had kimchi on it. It helped some." He snuggled in, grinning at the officer. "He's a great playing uncle."

"I need to check with McGarrett, sir. It's standard procedure."

Jake smiled and nodded. "I know. Go ahead. He's on a bust though."

"I...yeah, we can check that." He went to his car to call that in. Something was very weird. He called dispatch and asked them where that one was. They reported he was just off a hostage situation and could take calls. They put him through. "Sir, this is Sergeant Scoldis. I got a call from a motel saying that a young boy who says you're his guardian is in improper hands. I've talked to them and I'm confused. Can you please show up here?" He read off the name of the motel. "Thank you." He hung up and waited. Yup, there they were, with vests still on. He got out to talk to them. "Who has custody of that child?" he asked in greeting.

"Technically he has a watching nanny sort since I'm not in any position to take him in all the time," McGarrett said. "I split that sort of custody with another uncle in Colorado. She's at the bar. I called her and she's shit roaring drunk since Jake's here to play with him."

"He's a good boy," Danny said. "But his nanny's a bit uptight and ignores things like the kid's up all night playing. We've been working on her since he showed up. My ex-wife thinks the boy's sweet. Until he swears." He looked toward the open motel room door. "Hey, Xander, did you break a rule?" he called.

"Yup. The cord bit me," he called back.

"Okay." He looked at McGarret, who went to check on him. He grinned at the sergeant. "The whole team is cuddling around him to teach him how to be a normal kid. He's got a twinkie habit and likes grenades."

The sergeant winced but shook his head. "His caretaker?"

"No, his former life," Danny said. "Which is why he came to us."

"I...yeah, I can see why. Is she a suitable guardian?"

Danny grinned. "Even if I have ta yell her inta it."

"Thank you, Detective. I'll make that report and I've got a picture of him for it so I'll put him in to watch over him."

"He spends six months in Colorado and six here. He's about to shift there."

"That's good to know. I'll make sure we watch out for the little guy in case he steals some weapons."

"Nah, we keep him out of his inherited grenade and twinkie stash," Danny said dryly. "It's not good for him at his age."

"Good point. Thank you, Detective." He got into his car, going to make that report. That way others knew.

Danny went in. "They'll put him into a report as someone to watch over. Just in case they catch him sneaking somewhere again." He stared down at the kid. "Especially if he's got grenades."

"That's mean," Xander said but he was grinning. "I'll just have to be more sneaky."

"Probably," McGarrett said dryly. "But remember, you're going to Jack's soon." Xander nodded, smiling at him.

"It won't be too different; he works with geeks who save the earth," Jake quipped. "Some even have sense."

"Eww," Xander complained.

"Yup," Jake agreed, grinning at him. "We can make sure you're going to be all right."

"Sure. I could use more playing time instead of school stuff."

"We'll see. You're school aged now," McGarrett said. "I had to graduate, so do you."

"At least this one won't have a battle," Danny quipped.

Jake shook his head. "Don't want to remember. Made me puke." He cuddled the boy, who lapped his cheek. "We were going to have cheeseburgers to block out the tofu we had to eat in Sunnydale."

"Have native pig and fish, it'll do it better," Danny said dryly. "Did for me." They grinned and Jake found somewhere, getting Xander ready to go with them. They had paused to buy him a few clothes on the way back from the park. "Have fun. Let us know, guys." They nodded and took off with the kids so the two local ones could go do paperwork.

***

Xander looked at the base's gates then up at the guard. He grinned. The guard smiled back at him. "Uncle Jack's down there. He told me to show up. My guardian bitch just dropped me off." He pointed at the car pulling out.

"Do you know your uncle's full name?"

"General O'Neill," he said with a grin. "I'm trying to be a good boy."

"I'm sure you are but I think he left earlier." He called down to the sign-in desk. "General O'Neilll's nephew just got dropped off here for him. That's what I thought. No, she all but shoved him out of the car and drove off. Thanks." He hung up. "They'll call down there. If not, we'll try to get him before he hits the airport, kid. Want to sit down." Xander hopped up onto the barricade and sat there, swinging his feet. He was looking around. "Remember, you can't say anything about what you see, kid."

"Sure, I won't mention the blinky light." He pointed at it. "I don't know why it's blinky in the back windshield." The guard went to check. He called someone and they ran up to get their 'lost' phone. He grinned at the staring scientist sort. "Hi, Uncle Jack's supposed to have me but he left early."

She nodded. "I can make sure someone notifies the general, kid." She ran back in there to do that. There were already rumors about the general's special nephew and the being who showed up to stop a battle and tell him that he was suddenly older. She went into the infirmary first. "The general's nephew's topside," she told the staring doctor. "On the gate."

"Great," Dr. Lam said with a smirk. "He just left too." She went up to get the kid. "Hey, Xander." He blinked up at her. "I'm Dr. Lam. I'm going to be your secondary doctor if something big happens. Doctor Janet's at home today," she said when he opened his mouth. "I'll take you down to Daniel and he can tell the general how good of a boy you are."

He gave her an evil smirk. "Only sometimes."

"I'm sure." She picked him up. "You okay? No bruises or anything?"

He shrugged but snorted. "Bruises happen to boys."

"Yes but not always the same way," she said.

He snuggled in. "You're sweet but not mean enough to date me." She laughed, taking him inside. He looked around the elevator. "It really sucks that you guys have yellow snot-slime demons on the walls of the shaft." She blinked at him. He shrugged. "I can smell them. They live in the dark."

"We'll have to look at them to make sure they're peaceful and not spreading information."

"Telepaths. Can't talk."

"We'll figure that out." She took him to the infirmary and called Daniel. "Did you know that we have dark living slime demons in the elevator shaft?" she asked in greeting. "Xander did. Here in my office." She looked around. "He's out patting someone who has a cut. Thanks, Daniel." She hung up and found the kid telling the guy the stitches wouldn't hurt that much there if he just pressed on this nerve bundle first. "We have local anesthesia, Xander," she said dryly. "How do you know that?"

"Learned it from Willow's mom's textbooks," he said with a shrug. "Came in damn handy a few times."

"No swearing," she ordered, scowling at him. "Who is this Willow?" He stared at her. "Never mind, I'll ask the general. I'm sure he's aware of her." Daniel walked in. "Daniel, this is Xander. Xander, this is ..."

"The Great Glowy One told me about him," he said with a grin and a held out hand. "You cause nearly as much chaos as I do just by showing up."

He shook his hand with a smirk. "Was the Great Glowy One named Oma?"

"No. Cordelia."

Daniel winced, rubbing his forehead. "I remember her."

"She used to be my bitch," Xander said dryly. "Then we had oops with Willow. Don't know *why* but we did and it hurt her. Still sorry about that though," he called, looking up.

Cordelia faded into view. "I know you were, dork." She smiled at him. "Just think, you're school aged now. Maybe this time you'll actually get math starting in the fourth grade."

He shrugged. "I learned what I needed to use artillery and build houses. The rest was boring." He grinned. "We here now."

"Great. The Powers are still ignoring you exist hard enough to warp reality."

Xander grinned at her. "That's my job."

"Yes it is." She looked at Daniel. "He was like the non-languages version of you before he got shrunk. Seriously, try to keep down the chaos before him showing up makes people consider new ideas that could change the course of the future the way you do?" She faded out.

Xander grinned. "She's a good bitch sometimes."

"No swearing," Doctor Lam repeated.

He blew a kiss at her. "She'd agree."

"Yes, she does, but I'm not his anymore," Cordelia's voice called. "The Powers think that he'll warp me too." Xander cackled. "I know, but they're still not looking your way, squirt. So try to grow up great again and then don't go hunting."

"Only if they come for me." He grinned up at the ceiling. "Then they're fair game."

She reappeared, staring down at him. "If you start hunting again they could take out all the slayers. They've vowed it."

"Yeah and by then we'll have a huge problem. Like the invasion in six months." He smirked, flicking her on the chin. She moaned and held her head. "Sorry. Didn't mean to do that."

"Shit," she said, rubbing her head. She swallowed. "They hurt less at least." He hugged her. She hugged him back. "I'll miss your attempts at wit, Xander," she said quietly. "Be a good boy and grow up into the son of chaos you were before. And if a demon comes for you, you blow them the fuck up just like I would." He winked. She sighed, looking at Daniel. "Six months and a few days and you'll have an invasion of downtown LA.

"They'll want to eat humanity so demons can take over again since you guys aren't as strong as the Ancients that fought them off. There's not enough slayers to jump in. Pity." She left, going to tell Whistler about that vision so he could tell her former cohorts she wasn't allowed to go near. Whistler went to set off a slayer dream in a tiny future slayer taking a nap.

Daniel looked down at him. "You have visions?"

"Yes. Head sucking, dog ball licking apocalypse battle visions." He grimaced. "They so suck."

Daniel gave him a hug. "We can talk about the invasion later, kiddo. Let's get you out of the infirmary so Carolyn can take care of that cut."

"Remember that pressure point, dude," Xander said with a grin and a wave for him. He went with Daniel to his office.

"He was deaged," Lam told the soldier, who just nodded. "General O'Neill has partial custody of him."

"I kinda feel sorry for him but I'm not sure which is worse."

"The general's going to introduce him to Sheppard, Mitchell, and McKay."

"Then I definitely feel sorry for the kid," he decided, pushing on that nerve spot. He had to find it by a few presses then smiled. "It does work." She got the local anyway so she could stitch his leg.

***

Xander snuck into a lab and only one person caught him, staring at him. He grinned and waved. She poked someone on the arm until they stared at him. "Uncle Daniel said to sneak in here and to wait until someone saw me to remind them they have to eat. Since that's shaking from lack of blood sugar I thought I'd be less sneaky than normal," he said with a point at one woman who had a serious case of the shakes.

McKay looked then went to check her. He got her escorted to the caf to eat. He looked down at the kid. "You're Xander, aren't you?" The kid smirked and nodded. "Why are you here already?"

"My nanny dropped me off but the general went to swear at people in DC again earlier." He shrugged. "Daniel's office is neat but I can't be there while he tries to put the ancient spirit back into the canopic jar. I seem to be able to suck them up still." He grimaced. "But I'm doing as he ordered. He said to tell you it's lunch time." He grinned.

"I suppose myself and the other uncles that the general asked to meet you can come eat lunch with you and Daniel." He pointed. "Let's go find Daniel first. I won't let you suck up the spirit." Xander nodded, walking off. He followed, paging a few people to Daniel's office. Sure enough he was trying to talk the spirit back into the jar. It looked at the boy and tried to move toward him but Xander hid behind Rodney's back. He looked back at him then at the spirit. "I doubt you'll get the kid. So just go home before I have to use logic to ruin your afterlife of mythic proportions." It roared and Xander moaned something about hyenas. "I read that," he told the kid.

Sheppard showed up and glared at the spirit, using a zat on it. It flinched but didn't do much damage. It did make it flee back into the office. "Do we happen to have another containment vessel?"

Xander looked. "Can put it back but would take innocent blood and I doubt I qualify since they didn't give me a new body. So I'm still uninnocent in the ways that count. Which sucks. I doubt you can find a virgin on a military base."

"Actually, we have two who are saving themselves for marriage," Mitchell admitted. "I know one's a full virgin." He called her down there from the cafeteria. He pointed.

She looked, staring at the spirit. "How can I help deal with that, sirs?"

"Bleed onto the broken jar," Daniel said with a point. "It felt the kid walk in and rattled until it fell and cracked. I sealed the crack with glue."

"Works on mummies' seals too," Xander quipped. "Bleed on it and tempt him to come for you then get out of the way," he told her. She nodded, going to do that. They got most of it trapped but a bit remained. Xander walked in with a huff, staring at it. "Go back into the jar, dude. You don't want me, I'm too young for you." It came to sniff him and Xander got handed the jar by Mitchell, who helped him trap the thing in it when it tried to pounce him. Xander handed it over and smiled at her. "Thank you. Very helpful. Want help to get stitches?"

"No, I didn't bleed that much," she admitted. She patted him on the head. "You're cute but too young to be down here, Knight. My grandmother heard and laughed herself sick."

"Yeah, some evil bitches did too," he admitted dryly, smirking at her. "Witch?"

"From a line of, no powers myself."

He grinned. "Get pregnant then see."

She shuddered. "I hope I don't ever do that. I don't have the control necessary."

"You do because you'll want it then. Even Willow had *some* control."

"Point." She went back to the caf after bandaging her hand. Her grandmother would be happy to know that he was still all right.

Xander looked at the guys, grinning. "Nicer than the hyena. She was an accident. But the happy purrs are nice sometimes when you can't sleep."

"I'm sure they are," Sheppard said, staring down at him. "That's so weird." Xander grinned. "Well, weird means we need to have coffee and cake. On our base it's usually just coffee, but we don't have baked goods all that often." He walked the kid off. "C'mon, guys. Coffee time."

"Lunch," Xander cooed up at him.

"Or that," John agreed. "We can talk about school stuff."

"Ewww!"

"Yup but still. Rodney hates slackers."

"Sorry he'll hate me. I learned enough math to use artillery and build houses. All I needed."

Rodney groaned. "We can find something that'll you'll like just as much this time. After all, Sheppard and Mitchell are both pilots. That takes some math too."

Xander looked up at John. "Is 'Lantis pretty? Rumors say that you're all insane."

"Sometimes it feels like we are, and yeah, she's really pretty, kiddo. How did you hear?"

"Kitten poker." He gave his best shit-eating grin. "Have lots and lots of rumors. Including I should've tried to go up there because the sucking doom can't eat me. Too not human in my blood."

Sheppard stopped walking, looking at Rodney. "That might matter," Rodney admitted, considering it. "Huh. We can talk about that later, after coffee and a donut." The boy bounced off. They followed, keeping him from having all the sweets for lunch. Instead he got real food and they had donuts, and let him snatch a piece of danish at the end of his real food.

When Vala walked in, Xander tipped his head to stare at her. "That's a lady I could drool on." He sighed. "I need to be my own age again."

She paused to stare at him. "You're too young to stare at women."

He grinned. "I wasn't a few months back."

"Yes you were."

"No, was twenty-one then."

"I'm a bit older than that."

He shrugged. "My last one was over a millennium. You're not that old yet." He grinned since she shivered. "You're very pretty."

"Thank you. Still too young right now."

"I know and that sucks hugely." He sighed. "Damn this shit sucks." Daniel swatted him for that swearing. She walked off giggling. "I need that."

Cameron patted him on the back. "Vala's a strong woman and can fight."

He looked at him. "So could I. Still probably can actually." He shrugged. "Got to be easier than staking vampy vamps you used to know."

"True, even the wraith aren't ones we know," John Sheppard agreed. "You're still having fits over the deaging?"

"Some. Only when big, important things are going on." He pouted at him. "She'd have to be better than Anya, who only wanted sex and presents."

"Yeah, she is better than that. Maybe something will reage you soon," Cameron said. "Until then you're seven."

"Don't remind me please. Five more years and I'll start drawing the deadly chicks again. The first one was a demonic turkey woman." He shook his head, taking Daniel's coffee to sip from. His glass was empty. Daniel took it back and handed him Sheppard's since he wasn't using it. Xander grinned at him. "Thanks."

"Welcome, kiddo."

Jack stomped in. "I talked to his nanny."

Xander looked up at the guy. "Since when are you a shapechanger, Uncle Jack?" He sipped the coffee. "Because you suck at trying to be a human. You even smell wrong." The demon flinched back away from him. "Most shape changers are killed by silver," he told Daniel. "Preying mantis ones can be driven off by the sound of bats."

Daniel hugged him. "We'd protect you from them."

"Still probably not innocent, Daniel. They didn't change my body, just made me shorter. So I'm not a blood or other innocent anymore." He gave him a pointed look. "That may save a lot of problems." He looked at the shape changer again. "Guys, that's not Uncle Jack. He's a shape changer." A few of the guards walked over to capture him and check on him. One got the skin mask torn and they stared at the demon.

"Looks like the aliens from V," one said dryly. "How do we handle those?"

"Silver to the brain." Xander shrugged. "They're mean and usually try to kill the one they're taking over."

Daniel called Jack from the cafeteria phone. "We have a not-you here that's demonic." He listened. "Have fun with that." He hung up. "He's talking to your caretaker, Xander." The kid rolled his eyes and shook his head, going to get more coffee. John got him more soda and took his cup back to get himself more coffee. Xander handed him something. Daniel laughed at the request for sugar in the coffee he'd steal later.

Everyone in the caf looked up as the 'offworld activation' notice went out. "Oh, hell," McKay said. "Xander, stay in here. Even if we're being invaded you can hide in here easier."

"Dude, they're probably coming to flirt," he quipped. "Not like others haven't." He waved a hand but drank some of his soda. "Really. I had two off-realm princesses show up to flirt. Pissed Buffy off massively. I still haven't heard the end of that nagging."

Daniel patted him on the back. "Still. Try to stay safe this time." He called the gate room. "McKay, Sheppard, and Mitchell are in the caf with me, Chuck. Need us?" He pointed at Cam, who went to handle the problem. "Thanks. No, we have O'Neill's nephew." He hung up. "It's not a huge problem and they're not fully evil. Just them having a problem they need help for." He sat down, letting Xander have some of his new donut. They could hang out until Jack got back to the base. There was no telling how long him chewing on the nanny would take. Hopefully he had brought Janet with him to help him with that. She had some sense and less temper.

***

Xander walked into the house. "I don't need dinner."

His caretaker looked down at him from where she was sitting on a counter eating a sandwich. "What did you do?"

"I hung out with the guys Uncle Jack wanted me to meet. I helped get a spirit back into the canopic jar." She grimaced. "It wanted to come cuddle me too." He shrugged. "It got handled. How was your day?"

"Your uncle's an asshole."

Xander nodded. "Sometimes I guess. It happens to most guys at least once."

"Point." She ate another bite, staring at him. "I got instructed about how you're supposed to be behaving as a seven-year-old."

He shrugged. "I'd still hate school."

"Not that, kid. The swearing."

"Sorry! Seemed to fit."

She stared while she chewed. "Still," she said when she swallowed. "You and I realize how much of your old self is still there. They don't. Most of them seem to want to fix you too. Make you more normal."

Xander nodded. "I heard." She scowled. "At least acting like a normal kid more often so it doesn't get notice. Today I acted like my seven-year-old self." He shrugged. "I can't do more than that. Did they yell about you putting me in daycare that time?" She glared. He stared back. "You did. That's torture."

She snorted and finished her sandwich. "They also said you had to have a steady bedtime." She smirked. "And a bath nightly."

Xander shrugged. "I like water. Shower's fine. I can even clean my own butt now." He went to take a shower then climb into his bed to read the classification books the demon had gotten him. She came in to take it from him and hand him a regular book, walking out looking smug. "Did they yell at you about doctor taking a lot of blood too?" he called after her. He heard the groan and knew it was a bad thing. He'd have to talk to Uncle Steve about stopping the cloning problem that was probably starting. Or whatever they were going to do with his blood. Once she fell asleep, Xander snuck out to grab her phone and send Danny that text message. He could go yell at people, he seemed to enjoy yelling at people. And yelling at Uncle Steve. He erased the message and put it back onto the charger then went back to bed to lay there and think. The chaos he could cause with a clone, but that was probably a bad thing.

***

Danny flinched awake at his phone going off, staring at it. "What the ever loving hell," he muttered. He held up the phone. "Does that say what I think it says?" he asked his daughter. They were watching movies.

She looked at it and nodded. "Xander thinks the baby doctor is going to clone him." She handed the phone back. "That's so weird. Weirder than him aging suddenly was." She went to her room to snuggle in for the night. Xander was like a really protective little brother who didn't really annoy her but gave her bad thoughts instead.

Danny forwarded that message to Steve. "He's right, if that doc is doing that, I'm going to enjoy yelling at 'em. I'll have a lot of fun with it." Steve's message back of they'd check in the morning and he could have all the yelling he wanted made him grin. "It's great he understands me. Some days."

***

The NSA team that had McGarrettt and the nanny both bugged stared at the message and one groaned. "If they're cloning Harris, we're all going to die in a flaming fireball of crap," the team leader complained. "Even chaos gods won't survive that one." The others nodded and they decided to tell McGarrett what that doctor was actually doing so he could stop them before they had six or seven Xander's running around the earth.

***

Jack O'Neill walked into his office about a week after getting Xander, staring at the guy in there, who gave him a smug look. "They let you in here?"

"Daniel had your phone when I called in about that suspicious baby doctor." He held up the arrest paperwork.

Jack took it to look over, growling. "Has Janet or Lam seen this yet?"

"Not that I'm aware of. Daniel told me to wait in here so no one had to figure out who I was." He put his feet down and sat up. "So what do we do about that caretaker?"

"I don't know," Jack admitted. "Have you talked to Halfrek?"

"Not yet. I figured we could figure it out between us. We may not know much about hunting but that might help him more anyway. Someone with prior combat instead?"

"Would help a lot more," Jack agreed, rereading the papers. "I know some that've retired from here that could help. They're used to seeing strange things." Someone knocked and let the kid in. "How did you get here?"

"She dropped me off on the way to hunt something in the woods. I told her it wasn't something huge that was a problem but she decided it was." Xander shrugged, coming over to look at the papers. "Ooooh, I was hoping they weren't cloning me."

"No, not cloning," Steve admitted, pulling him over to put him into the free chair. "Sit. You're bouncy."

"I had to make my own breakfast. She brought out the chocolate eggos so I hid in case I needed to see someone else I shouldn't." He grinned at Jack. "I totally confused those new uncles."

"They said that but they were amused by it." He grinned back. "McKay's a genius, I think we can find a way for you to learn stuff you didn't before in a better way. Plus you give two of them reasons to come home."

Xander nodded. "That's an important job," he agreed. "I've needed that but I had Anya."

Steve ruffled his hair. "She called." Xander looked at him. "I let Danny talk to her. She gave me a headache."

"She talking about orgasms again?"

"Yup, and wondering if her toys came out here. We sent most of them back." Xander nodded at that. "She's an interesting woman but a bit...blunt."

Xander grinned. "Only evil ones like me."

"Clearly." He patted him on the head. "Want to change nannies?"

"Please?" he asked, employing the puppy eyes. "And can I have one that'll let me eat brownies that don't have funny stuff in them?"

"She gave you pot brownies or something?" Jack demanded.

"Don't know what it was but it tasted funny. Never tried pot." He shrugged. "Roadtrip had a line of coke, a bit of acid, but no pot. Can't inhale."

Jack stared at him. "That figures," Steve admitted. "You were trapped and working in a strip club so yeah, I figured the dancers tried to tempt you." He looked at the groaning general. "It does."

"It does," he agreed. "Sometimes I can forget he's really twenty-one." Xander grinned at him. "All right, let me talk to some former coworkers here. They're used to strange things."

"Sure." Xander looked at Steve. "Are my pets all right?"

"They're just fine, Xander. We've finally finished the inventory and used some protections against some beings that tried to take some of them back."

Xander patted him on the arm. "I called the poker hall on them. Vowed to find Mountain Dew and candy." He grinned. "It'd react harder now since I'm so short." Steve burst out laughing but nodded. "They put it back?"

"Mostly. You're missing a few things. Two from me having to use them but the rest they tried to steal. We'll get it back." Xander grinned. "You're too young to go play poker."

"So?" He shrugged. "Unless they're vampy vamps they won't eat me."

"Uh-huh. No," Jack ordered. "Not until you're big enough to use one of your swords."

"Fine."

"Thank you," Jack said.

"You know, I have dwarven weapons," he said with a smug look. "About my height."

"Yes but they have more muscles," Steve reminded him. "You haven't gotten to build those up yet." Xander nodded that was true. "So save those for emergencies."

"Fine."

"Thanks."

Jack and Steve shared a look then they were interrupted by Daniel and the other uncles, plus Janet. Jack handed those forms to McKay. "For Janet too." He looked at the uncles. "So, guys. Do you think you can be good uncles?"

"They were fun," Xander said with a grin at Cameron.

"You're a bit weird but I'm surprised we haven't had anyone deaged yet around here," he said dryly. He took the papers to look at on the way to Janet, handing them over with a huff and a head shake. "Arrested?"

"Yup," Steve said. "Lieutenant Colonel Steve McGarrett, SEAL on duty in Hawaii." He waved a hand.

"That's cool," John said. "Colonels John Sheppard and Cameron Mitchell. Drs. Janet, Rodney McKay, and Daniel Jackson. Dr. Janet's just so fantastic we only use the one name for her."

She swatted him while reading those forms. "I'm assuming this plot was stopped, McGarrett?"

"Yup. Arrested them this morning. Though it was nice that the NSA sent me an email that morning about what they were trying to do. Apparently they have him bugged at the very least."

Jack considered it, looking at Mitchell. Who shook his head. "Can't be NID."

Steve handed over the email. "Notice the address. Either they're using them or...." He smirked a tiny bit at Xander.

"Weenies?"

"Yup, them."

"Army said they were bad boys but sent them mostly to the UN to hunt demons. The whole underground wanted them dead for what they did."

"Crap," Steve said. "They didn't stop them?"

"They had secret hearings." Xander shrugged. "Didn't even ask us anything. Some scientists are in jail maybe. Everyone's really unhappy with that end. But some have gotten eaten," he said with a grin at the end. "They got them back for it."

"What now?" John asked him.

"In their town was that program that they stopped," Jack reminded him.

"I remember that and I hoped like hell they were all in jail and out of the service, sir. They're not?"

"UN demon hunting squads mostly," Xander told him then shrugged. "Not our doing. We wanted them in jail too. Especially the docs."

"Does anyone have the full personnel roster?" Jack asked him.

"Probably not. They set it on fire," Xander said. "Burned shut."

"McKay, find them, make sure I get the full list so we *never* get one of them here," Janet said. "Because if I find one, I'll be torturing them like they did those others." Xander hugged her. "You're a good boy. You'll only torture people by being bouncy." He giggled but nodded. She put him back into his seat. "Their samples, McGarrett?"

"They're tracking where they sent them today. Kono is *really* upset with them. She was feeling squishy feelings toward Xander before she saw that."

"Me being triplets would be mean," Xander assured him.

He grinned at him. "They were going to make you kids, not clones. Someone wanted to cross you with Danny and Kono."

"They're pretty," Xander said, but then grinned. "But mean."

"Very mean," Steve agreed with a smirk. "They're going to prove it. That's one reason why I wanted out of the way." He pulled out his phone to text Danny, who sent back he had found them, it was stopped, and he had even pulled up higher weapons to use in homage to the two of them. Then he had told Jake, who had went on a fit in their systems. He showed Jack that message, making him laugh. "I do an excellent job with it, sir."

"I'm sure you do, McGarrett."

"Remember, you replace my pets you use," Xander told him.

"By the time you're old enough, it'll be bad," Steve said. "We'll help you get new stuff."

"We'll need blessed stuff," Xander said. "Especially so I can kill the one that wants to own me like a lap cat."

"Point. We can find some way to do that." Xander nodded. "I'll try to replace it in a few years so you'll be behind the times but not too far out." Xander nodded again. He heard a growl and looked at the kid's stomach then at his head. "Hungry?"

"Growing boy stomach," he quipped.

"We can get him something to eat," Janet said. "But I doubt they have any fruit left by now." She checked her watch.

"Eww," Xander said.

"Tough. You have to eat healthy so you can go back to fighting off bad demons and things," she quipped, smirking at him.

"Na-uh. I used to live on takeout. The parents never cooked." He stared at her. "I lived on school lunch and takeout. Still strong enough." She stared at him. He stared back.

"You won't win, Xander," Cameron warned. He was amused by the miniature stare-off but no one won against their docs.

"Veggies would make me weak since I used to live on burgers and school lunches," he quipped, still staring at the doctor. "Veggies are not good for Xanders because they're not normal boys, even the first time."

"We can still try," she shot back, not breaking the staring contest.

He grinned and blew a kiss. "Not likely. Last time I got really sick I was eating veggies." She huffed and looked away. He got up to hop around in glee. "I won!"

"Still getting vegetables," Jack assured him. "She'll sneak some on you."

"Then she can baby me when I get sick," he quipped. "Fish and hyenas don't eat veggies."

She stared down at him. "Mermen could be omnivorous."

"They eat people. I don't like Soylent Green."

She broke and laughed. "You're still getting some vegetables, Xander. Even if you don't like it. Sorry but tough. Suck it up."

"I have at least five years before that," he quipped, making her swat him and Sheppard laugh. "Wonder if Anya would come back then."

"That's way beyond the predator age gap difference," Jack said. "You have to be eighteen at least this time."

"Fine. I can wait." The general's assistant knocked and walked in. "Hi, Homer."

He looked down at the kid. "My name is Sergeant Otis," he said with a smirk.

"Really? Could've sworn I called you Homer when I shot you in the thigh." He stared at him. The sergeant smirked at him. "So anyway, why are you here?"

"Making sure they don't end the earth. We heard about your curse." Xander shrugged. "We can make sure you grow up better this time so you don't interfere."

"Can't help where I was born," he said dryly. "And since when are Watcher spawn US military?"

"We can make sure of it. The Council was most amused."

Xander grinned. "They're going to be really amused in six months when they have an invasion." The guy glared at him. "Pity I got visions woken by this too." The guy reached for him and Xander kicked him. The guy laughed and Xander grabbed Steve's knife to use. That broke the spell on the others. Steve and John got the guy down and crying in pain. Xander glared at them. "I can!"

"Shut up, it's my job," Steve ordered. "I'm a SEAL, Xander. We don't let weak little guys like this pretend to be military." He smirked down at him. "Do we?" The guy could only groan.

Janet looked. "Efficient, thank you. No broken bones I have to treat." She took the knife from the kid and handed it back. "How do we block out spells?"

Xander shrugged. "I wanted to know sometimes. Willow's magic addiction is out of hand again. I had to stop it last night on the house."

"Maybe we can help her find help," Jack said smugly. "Boys, nice job not making me get up. I had no idea he wasn't the guy from the midwest he said he was. I'll have to make sure he doesn't have any other magic on me." He looked at Xander. "Watcher spawn?"

"Watchers are the ones over the slayers," Xander said. "In England. Treat the girls like shit. We showed the others that they have self will. They *really* hate me."

"They're the ones that have the price on your head," Cameron said. Xander grinned and nodded. "Proves they're worthless because they hate you for making sure humanity went on." He leaned down, looking at the kid. "Some day you can take over a prime spot on a team here."

Xander patted him on the cheek with a grin. "I'll need to hunt."

"You can do this instead."

"Nope. I don't do orders very well." He grinned. "I'd hate that." Cameron patted him on the head. "If I can do it without the military...."

"Probably not," Jack admitted. "The only ones who have are super warriors from other planets."

"I heard. That's neat. We should get more of them for invasion," he quipped.

"I hadn't thought about that," Jack admitted. "Invasion?"

"Like your portal only demons."

"Fuck," McKay muttered, getting hit by Janet on the arm for that swearing. "I know very well he knows that word. He used it grammatically yesterday," he told her.

"So? He's still seven." She glared at him. "Seven-year-old-boys don't get to swear any more than two-year-old-boys did."

He blew a kiss. "You're a mean mommy."

"Yes I am. Or at least a firm one." She stared down at him. "Guards!" she yelled. It got two of the younger soldiers who were in the hallway. "We need to arrest the general's assistant, who isn't what he said he is." She pointed. "The boys have been good at not giving me more work but we need to bring him somewhere else to continue this discussion." They nodded and one used the desk phone out there to call for guards to come help them.

Xander walked over to the guy. "Flip him over." They did and Xander stood on his chest, staring down at him. Then he grinned and grabbed something from John, taking his worry stone. He blew on it then rubbed spit into it before he concentrated, then laid it on the guy's head. "Steppuppy?" She appeared. "Can you show him?"

The hellhound sniffed the stone then laid a paw on it. The guy screamed as the visions came. She sniffed everyone, lapping Janet on the wrist before disappearing.

Xander looked at her. "Steppuppy must think you're a fierce bitch like she is." He looked at the guy. "You guys *so* read me wrong," he said quietly. "And you're still doing it. There's *nothing* you can do to make me not do what I feel I have to do. The only handhold is gone," he finished in Latin. "I'm going to have to interfere more because of you and yours." He smiled. "And you brought it on yourselves by pushing me. I'm sure you'll have fun with that.

"Especially since Faith won't be available for that battle coming up. The next one called won't be able to fight well enough. You're going to need dozens of hunters and slayers and you have one. One you hate and wanted to take out again. You guys prompted all the activity we had that made Anya wish. Reap what you sow, mother fucker, because they won't take me alive. You.... You can't fight back if you can't beat a seven-year-old." He shrugged. "Pity but you brought it on yourself." The guy was crying. "Good."

He smirked. "And get Rosenburg help. Before she destroys the earth." He got off him and took the stone, handing it back to John with a grin. "He understands now. He's probably very sorry because that means his people are all going to die. After all, I'm the one that got Summers weapons for battles. They need a lot more hunters thanks to some of their recent plans. They don't have them. With the last few Watchers dead now...." He shrugged. "The First wasn't kind to them."

"You caused that," he growled.

"I wasn't resurrected." He shrugged. "I didn't call someone back either. One of *your* people called her back specially so she'd not take out the future slayers when she came. You tried to get around the Powers That Be's plans for Willow going off the deep end and having to bring Buffy back to life. So instead it moved it up by a few years. I got all that in the vision. If you had waited, you'd have seen her in about three years anyway. Instead, we have Glory in waiting."

The guy swallowed. "Glorificus?" Xander nodded. A blonde woman appeared. "Oh, damn, I didn't mean to summon her!" He tried to get free.

"Have to send her back to her host and kill it," Xander said, getting out of the way. "Need heavy weapons." They started by shooting her while Jack got out his zat. That made her complain it was making her hair frizzy. A few of the guards brought in more heavy weapons. She fled before they could kill her. Xander sighed, looking at him. "Are you all genetically stupid?"

"I didn't mean to summon her," he begged Jack, who was still holding a weapon.

"I'm sure you didn't," he sneered. "Guards, we're going to be talking to him a lot more later." They dragged the guy off. "Make sure he can't talk to anyone at all." They nodded. He looked at Xander. "What's her deal?"

"Going to drag her plane here." He shrugged. "She's also insane. Sucks sanity through her fingers in your brain. Has minions who steal designer stuff for her."

Jack blinked. "Okay."

"Has to be somewhere in Sunnydale to use the hellmouth to open the portal though. Ask Buffy."

"It really never stops for you guys, does it?" Steve asked him. Xander shook his head. "Okay." He picked him up and handed him to McKay. "You take him to eat then come back in a few minutes once we get Jake and them on the phone." He nodded, walking the boy off talking to him. "General?"

"I don't want that psychotic thing on this planet either, McGarrett."

"We have to make sure they evacuate the boy," Cameron said dryly.

"Agreed," Jack said. "We'll work that out while he's eating so we can cushion him. The world might need more hunters but it has us and we should be good enough."

"Amen," Steve quipped. He sat back down, sending an 'I'm okay' text over and then one on Glory. Danny's back was 'don't tell me things like that, we'll have to use more of his pets'. He laughed, showing that to the general.

"We have some around here," Jack said. "We can save his pets for other times." He called Jake. "Where are you? We're having a talk. Because I just found a watcher and we had an insane hell goddess, Jensen." He listened to the choking and spluttering. "Here in the Mountain. No, Xander knew about her. He didn't evacuate either. Yup, we need to have a whole team of uncles talk. Tell them you can't go to Bolivia. I'm coopting your team for my insane missions. I'll have it passed through in a few minutes."

He hung up and picked up the other phone. "Sir, General O'Neill. No, sir, two problems. My nephew just showed me that we have an insane hell goddess running around down here. She showed up, sir. No, not to get him. We had a watcher here apparently. He was going to hurt Xander and the guy called out for her by accident. Second thing, I need his other uncle's team to join my project. Team name is the Losers."

"They're Delta," McGarrett said.

"I'm told they're deltas, sir. Yes, Jake Jensen is Xander's other uncle. About to be sent to Bolivia to be sacrificed in some play by some world leader wannabe, sir. Yes, that situation. You can, sir. No, they're pawns. Getting Xander meant they could bypass some things like having to go rogue to protect everyone from that idiot. Thank you. No, we're having an uncle conference. Yes, sir, I could really use the crazy assholes like that team a whole lot. Thank you, sir." He hung up and grinned. "They'll be reassigned out here ASAP." He leaned on the desk. "So we need plans."

"Is this maybe the way some higher being used him to avoid a lot of bad things?" John Sheppard asked.

"Maybe," Jack said. "No idea. But it sounds like a crackhead plan."

"Yeah but so do witches with problems," Cameron said. He frowned at John. "It does seem like we're hearing about problems ahead so we can fight things off."

"He said he got Jake's team out of the jungle to save them from being taken out," Steve said. "Huh." He nodded. "Interesting." He looked at the kid that walked back in rubbing his head. "Another vision?" He nodded, looking at him. "What happened?"

"Turn on the news near you." Jack turned on the tv and Steve scowled. "They're going to try to blame you. Fly back." He walked off again. "Going to have coffee to solve this."

"I can get you some excedrin," Janet called, following him.

Steve looked and nodded. "Yeah, I can fly back the normal way." He texted Danny then called one of his contacts. "It's McGarrett. No, I'm in Colorado and just saw on the news." That one choked. "Please do. Thank you." He hung up. "They're tell people I wasn't anywhere nearby since this is a drug dealer's method of trying to discredit me." He grimaced and looked at Jack. "We need to stop that sort from using the kid."

"We do," he agreed, shaking his head and muting the tv. It brought up closed captioning immediately so Steve could still watch it. Jake got beamed to his office with his team. "Boys," he said with a nod. "We're having an interested uncle conference while the kid eats breakfast and cures the vision migraine."

Clay looked at him. "General O'Neill, what do you guys do that would need my team?" he asked.

"We do insane shit that protects the earth," he said smugly. "On multiple planets." Clay gaped. Jake burst out laughing. "You knew?"

"Yeah," he said with a nod and a grin. "It's not totally hidden, General. How are Thor's people doing?"

"Still locked in the temporal bubble."

"Well, if someone like Dr. Who shows up, we'll point him that way," Jake quipped.

"If he does, we're all going to the pretty, calm hospital ward," Steve quipped. He looked at him. "We just realized that some higher being is using the kid to change bad things so humanity doesn't have to fight as hard. They're trying to blame that on me."

Clay looked at the tv then at him. "You're hopefully a better shot, McGarrett. Most SEALS are." Steve nodded he was. "Well, you can prove you were here. Like us going to Bolivia being handled?" They all nodded. "Great. Why?"

"Some guy named Max," John Sheppard said. "He tried to get to McKay and talk to him about things but we blocked him."

Jake pulled out his computer to look that name up. "Hey, a psychotic asshole is his second-in-command," he said dryly, smirking at Pooch. "I think you know this one." He held up the screen.

"Yeah, we know 'im," Pooch said dryly. "Why is he still alive?"

"Max likes him," Jake said with a grin. He got into the files he found, putting them up onto the general's screen so the others could see while he looked up everything. "We have got to fix that before he comes after the families. Pooch's son is about to be born soon."

The general nodded with a grin. "There's many people who'd like to handle that guy."

"Yeah but he's paying most of 'em," Jake complained, pulling up that suspected dirty agent list. He gave the general a look then grinned. "We might have to be creative, like sending in a martyr who can blow them all up together."

"That's just bad," John Sheppard said.

"It's saving a lot of hell on the world since he's got nuclear weapons of some sort or another. I'm seeing mentions of a sonic nuclear weapon somehow." He stared at him. "One person willing to die for their beliefs or that?"

"Yeah, in that case, there's probably someone who would like to go hit on them to get close enough then blow themselves up." He frowned. "What's a sonic nuclear weapon, General?"

"Never heard of it." He called the caf. "Put McKay on." He got put onto the phone. "McKay, what's a sonic nuclear weapon?" He listened. "That sounds really horrifying. This Max guy. Yeah, same guy according to what we know. We're having an uncle conference." He hung up. "He'll be right back up with his breakfast, Janet, and the kid." He looked at Jake. "We have to appoint a different guardian." Steve handed over the arrest paperwork on the desk with a grin.

He read them, then nodded. "Huh. She's got bad ideas." He put them down, shaking his head. "At least they didn't suggest they could make a kid with us. That'd be one scary kid." Clay nodded, then shook his head with a sigh. The tri walked in. "Hey, kiddo, who do you want to watch over you full time?" He shrugged. "We'll figure it out before our next mission."

"If you guys are going to be here," McGarrett said.

John shook his head with a sigh. "It's not likely they'll be on base more than one week a month or so," he said, looking at Cameron.

"If that," he agreed. "Which can suck sometimes when you really just want to find a nice girl to date." He looked at Daniel, who shrugged.

"I'm a widower, I'm not really looking for a nice girl to date. They take time away from my work."

"I'm buying you a pass to a brothel, Danny boy," Jack said. "That way you get out of your work before we have to commit you."

Daniel rolled his eyes and shook his head. "I'd never get to use it. I'm on base less than Sheppard is and he's not even serving locally."

"Where are you serving?" Roque asked him.

Sheppard looked at the general, who waved a hand. "You realize that this whole program deals with aliens, right?" Roque slowly shook his head. So did Clay and Pooch. The others all grinned and nodded.

Xander patted Roque on the hand. "He's in a whole other galaxy getting the mutant people eaters before they get here and try to date me or something weird like that." Roque stared at him then at John, who grinned and nodded. "Can I start a cult when I'm older? I always thought that looked like it'd be fun."

"You doing one wouldn't be too bad probably but you'll never catch up to the many that the program's started," Daniel complained. "It's amazing how something innocuous like 'the plants look well watered' can turn into a religious talk that ends up with not only a new cult but almost rabid believers."

"Twice I heard," Sheppard joked, grinning at McKay. "Which is better than yours over the holy power bars you started so the natives let us go free before they bred baby geniuses to protect them."

Xander looked up at John. "I *so* need to go there. I'd have a lot of fun."

"If we're still there, join the military, kiddo."

"Shit, that's not going to work," he muttered, sighing as he sat down to eat his breakfast. Steve pulled him into his lap. He looked up at him. "You're not usually cuddly."

"Yeah but I'm getting some in before I hit a prison because I'm being accused of stuff when I'm in another state." The boy sighed but settled in to eat the stuff Janet had filled his plate with. At least most of it looked like real food to him. Even if there were vegetables with breakfast for some unknown reason. Thankfully they made him choke so he got out of eating them.

Janet huffed but looked at the general. "Who do you want to watch over the kid, General?"

"I have a few ideas from our former people. They can handle seeing a miniature hunter like him."

"Rory Perkins would be highly amused but probably get the kid drunk, Jack," Daniel said.

"Not him. I'd never let him near a kid until he got sober."

"I'd poison his liquor anyway," Xander said. "I have in the past when my former parents needed me to." He stuffed his mouth with bacon.

"I'll talk to my top three later," Jack told her. She nodded. "All right, how do we stop all these plots?"

Xander looked up then at him. "If there's someone interfering won't they get mad?"

"So? Do you care?"

Xander shook his head. "I haven't yet," he said sarcastically. "Stupid heads of the universe hate me already anyway." He grinned. "Fix a few prophecies and they throw *huge* fits." He dug in again, finishing off the bacon. Steve handed him his fork so he sighed and ate the eggs too. "Fine."

"Thank you, kid." He patted him on the back, making him belch. "Better?" he joked.

"Yup, a lot." He grinned back at him. "Is Danny throwing a teenage girl fit or a college girl fit?"

"I think he's still probably swearing like he's in the mob again," he said. "That can take hours." He texted him and got back a 'I know and you're fine, just get back here'. "He said he's got it handled." He put the kid on his feet then stood up. "Let me fly back."

"Have fun," Jack said. "Let us know if you need more help, McGarrett."

"I will." He stared at Xander. "Even if I end up in jail, you're not to join me there."

"Yeah, yeah," he said, flapping a hand. "Let me go fix that shit with the toys." He gave him a pointed look. "If you get put in jail and Danny gets dead, some day I'll date his daughter." He grinned. Steve walked off shuddering but texting that threat to his partner, who vowed that would not happen. Xander grinned at John. "Daddies react like that to me because only bad girls like me." He went back to eating his eggs.

Clay looked at John. "He did date two assassins most sane people wouldn't touch even if they were drugged up."

"I didn't date 'em. They were pretty and kinda happy that I was washing dishes in the strip club that night," Xander shot back. "They wanted to celebrate so the boss told them I wasn't working *that* way. They wanted fun but didn't want to pay for it." He stuffed his mouth again.

Jake looked at Clay. "Are they so far gone that even you wouldn't date them? Because you've got a history of crazy and homicidal chicks who are willing to kill all of us to get you back." Clay swatted him. "It's the truth!" Cougar nodded to back him up.

"I still say Madeline was just fun, not that crazy," Xander said before stuffing his mouth with some toast.

Clay looked at him. "She's not only crazy, she's homicidal, kid. She tried to blow me up."

"Do it better next time. She tried to tip me and ended up bragging to her buddies." He grinned. "Didn't try to hurt me at all, Clay. You must not've been good enough in bed." Jack reached across the desk to swat him hard. "Ow! Mean!"

"You're seven," Cameron said. "Even with those other memories, don't share. It's creepy."

"Fine. Sorry!" He stuffed his mouth again, staring at Clay with a slight grin as he chewed.

Clay shook his head with a sigh. "Madeline was willing to blow up a barracks to get me back for being called out in the middle of the night, General. She's in jail."

"She's in protective custody," Xander corrected. "And already slipped them because they thought she was just misunderstood. She's in North Carolina."

"I'll call my wife to tell her to evacuate the house near the base," Pooch said, pulling out his phone. "No signal." Jack handed him the desk phone. "How did Sheppard get a signal?" Xander grinned, waving a hand. "Oh, that way. Can you do that?"

"I think Dawn did it."

"I'll ask her then." He dialed. "It's me." He waited while she yelled at him. "Jolene, you have to evacuate for a bit. There's a psycho that Clay didn't date who wants to kill the whole team and one he did date who wants to take him out for leaving her hanging."

"We were more than done," Clay complained. "She was a damn octopus."

"Yeah, one of those," Pooch told his wife. "And we have the guy who wanted to take us out coming possibly too. You go sit with Jensen's sister and niece? Thanks, Jo. Love you too." He hung up and relaxed again. "That's going to be nasty."

"If my sister has to take out Madeline or Max, she'll cry on their mutilated bodies and my niece will go 'interesting pattern, mom, but you missed a spot'," Jake said with a grin.

"My mom would've just thrown up on 'em," Xander muttered. "It shows she's a stepsister."

Jake hugged him. "You're neat enough to be a Jensen, Xander."

"Love you too, Uncle Jake, but quit hugging please?"

"Hell no!" He grinned. "Hugs are good for you. Make you grow up normal."

"You're going to turn into a redheaded witch," Xander told him. "That's her line. Are you under a spell?"

"He gets goofy and cuddly," Clay told him. "He's tried to do it to all of us but it usually means he needs to sleep because it's been days."

"I sicced him on a drug lord during one of those," Roque said, looking fond of that memory. "He hugged them all into shooting each other. And nearly him but everyone else shot each other."

Jake looked at him. "And right afterwards, I sold you to a hooker to fix your odd mood. Because you needed it more than I ever have." Roque nodded that was true, looking smug. "Thankfully you paid for Clay to come join you in servitude so you could get free."

"Wow, I've never gotten to sell a teammate yet," Cameron said. "I should do that the next time we're captured so Sam can get free."

John looked at McKay then at his fellow colonel. "Don't tempt me. Plenty would offer me everything, including coffee and slaves, if I gave them McKay or Radek."

"You guys don't have coffee nearby?" Clay asked him, looking confused.

"We haven't found a planet in the Pegasus galaxy yet that coffee can grow on," McKay said. "Which sucks on a galactic scale since some of us need it to handle the random emergencies we have every few days."

"It is randomly given to one of seven causes," John agreed, considering it. "Though thankfully Atlantis hasn't broken down recently."

"I got an email from Radek. Yes it has," McKay told him. "The flotation system went down for six hours so we had to use space thrusters while they cleaned the fish out of the engines." He smirked. "Radek made everyone sit in the center tower until it was fixed so no one could unbalance the city by accident."

"The bitching knew no bounds?" Jack guessed.

"Especially from the bored Marines. Radek had the sciences work on reports that were backlogged. I'm contemplating making that a weekly event actually. Especially since he found out two were doing illegal experiments that I had vetoed twice. And he vetoed once at gunpoint," he said with a nod at John.

"The wedding help that one people asked us for?" John guessed, looking up while considering the options. "Or the one with the crystals that want to possess people?"

"The first. The crystals got brought onto the city and got confiscated by the gate room's security system. She already knew it was wrong. They had made up a great version of their holy wedding syrup. It leaves you horny but not remembering for the next six days."

"Are they in jail?" Jack asked. "Before they bring it back here and somehow SG-1 gets dosed?"

"I certainly hope so," John said dryly.

"The reports did say it works better on homosexual couples instead of straight ones since it might have birth control effects," Rodney said. "So it might work very well to loosen them up."

"Don't make me go buy lemons," Cameron warned. "We can bring the kid to visit you in the ICU for a bit, Rodney."

Xander pounced him. "Don't intentionally hurt someone just because you're scared of dicks being near you," he said, staring down at him. "That's *wrong* and bullying and super wrong because that makes you a jackass."

John lifted him off and handed him to Rodney. Who stared at the kid. "Thank you for reminding him that bullying is wrong."

"It was even when I was throwing rocks back at the ones that tried Willow," he said dryly. "Bullies are vamp bait and not good for much else."

"He'd never hurt me on purpose, Xander," Rodney assured him with a grin. "Because then I'd have Ronon avenge me with Teyla until I could ruin the rest of his life in my own unique way."

Xander looked at him then at Jack, who nodded. "He has others who annoyed him." He took the kid to sit down again. "They're like siblings, Xander. I'm sure you picked on Willow the same way." Xander shook his head. "Okay, well, most siblings do tussle and annoy each other that way. Cam would never hurt Rodney that way or I'd send his ass to prison for it." He smirked at his colonel then at the kid. "He knows not to piss me off since I'm the dad over this program."

"If you're sure," Xander said with a nod.

"I am. He'd never really do it." He leaned down. "You don't have to worry about them being inappropriately mean, kiddo. All of us are mean only when we need to be or we're really pissed off at something stupid. You're not something stupid until you start to date assassins again."

Xander nodded again, relaxing some. "Sure, I get that. I have my own evil moments." They all smiled at him. "So who am I getting to annoy all the time?"

"I'll call them down here so you can meet them. That way you can meet them to make sure they're not flakes." He got someone to find their files for him and called them from his desk while John and Cam took the new team on a tour of the base with the kid.

Rodney looked at Jack. "I think he's flashing off to violent families where one sibling killed another," he said quietly once the group was gone. "We have to convince him we're not all like that." He walked off to go to the labs to check on the wrong things they were doing.

Jack nodded. He could talk to the new guys about that later.

***

Steve McGarrett came off the plane, he had already warned Danny when they were landing so there were cop cars there. "Hey, guys," he said, walking down to meet Danny. "So how was it while I was in Colorado?"

"You were where?" one of the detectives demanded, glaring at him. "You've been here...."

"I was in Colorado since very early this morning," Steve said. "You can check my phone, I made a few calls from Cheyenne Mountain. I was talking to the other two who have partial custody of my nephew because his guardian is a bit nuts." He pointed behind him. "Ask the pilots where they picked me up, Detective."

"You picked him up where?"

"Colorado Springs, Detective," one said as he came down the stairs. "Not too often I get to fly a single SEAL anywhere. Usually there's at least three of them." Steve smirked at him. "Though if you were in Cheyenne, that explains a lot."

Steve nodded. "One of their generals and I share custody of the kid."

"We had to bust his guardian because she wanted to have him bred to and he's seven." The pilot winced. "Yeah, we had fun today." He looked at the detective. "With our jobs, he can't hold physical custody. He's still considered active military on detached duty."

"So yeah, if we don't have wives, we can't have single father custody," the pilot agreed. "That's why my wife's sister took in my kids when I got divorced. She's not psychotic like her sister was." He handed the detective the paperwork. "Flight plan, all filed properly."

He looked at it and grimaced. "Then who shot the governor if it wasn't him?" he demanded.

"Someone Wo Fat hired," Steve said simply. "We've been trying to get him out of the public for a while now. He's tried to discredit the team before."

"You're..." the detective said.

"Detective McGarrett, 5-0," Danny said dryly, smirking at him. "Which is why I spent this morning busting people who work with the asshole." He looked at him. "The nanny's gone, right?"

"Jack sent someone to arrest her but she's in the woods supposedly hunting something. He picked someone from his project and got Jake's team sent to them for good to protect them." He smirked a tiny bit. "I heard Xander pounced Cameron to nag him about bullying Rodney. They're making sure he realizes they're not that sort of jackass."

"No, the ones I talked to are like you, only mean when you need to be or someone flips your switch to cranky evil," Danny told him with an evil smirk. Steve smirked back then at the detective.

"No wonder there's rumors about your team," he complained. Steve stared at him until he looked away. "They used your service revolver, Commander."

"I doubt that." He pulled it and held it up. "This is my service piece."

"The damn thing even sleeps under his pillows," Danny quipped. "That and a knife."

Steve frowned at him. "Kono told you that?"

"Yeah. Said she nearly dropped it under the bed when she was helping you redo the bedroom after that break-in."

"She did drop the knife but she spotted the gun and caught it before it hit the floor," Steve agreed. He looked at the detective again. "You can run the serial number if you want." The detective took it to call in, getting a frown when they reported back. "Not mine?"

"Not listed as yours, McGarrett. They're listing you as a forty-five."

"No, I carry a nine-mil like everyone else."

"That's definitely weird." He handed it back. "I want you where I can find you at a moment's notice." Danny handed over his card. "Fine, are you on his bed too?" he asked dryly.

"I'm not on his ass that way but tonight we're going to be having dinner with my ex-wife and kid to talk about Xander. I'm hoping we can convince the kid to quit sleeping with a battle axe."

"He does love that more than the step-puppy he has," Chin agreed as he walked over. "We found the dirty agent in the lab. He switched the gun registration." He handed that to the detective, who read it with a grimace. "The original owner of that gun is still listed as the thug that we think probably shot the governor. No one's found him yet to make sure it's him."

"Wo Fat probably had him killed," Steve said, considering it. Then he nodded. "We'll probably find him washing up soon."

"Probably," that detective complained. He stared at McGarrett. "You were really in Colorado?" Steve nodded. "Your nephew?"

"My dad and his dad served," Steve said. "I'm an honorary uncle but his only actual stepuncle is an active duty Delta and his godfather is a general in Cheyenne. We split him for half a year each while the one uncle visits when he can."

"Xander's a cute kid but he has a potty mouth," Chin told him. "And he really likes weapons."

Steve grinned at him. "Xander warned if I was ever killed or put into jail and Danny was taken out, he'd be dating Gracie to protect her."

Danny shook his head quickly. "Hell no. I love the kid, he's a neat little guy, but I can't see my daughter turning into the touch, dangerous chick that tend to think he's like candy. My daughter should never need a sword or a gun unless aliens land to take over the volcanos. Then he can help lead the resistance movement with her." He walked off. He didn't care if Steve and Chin were both amused at that scenario or not, it was not going to happen to his Gracie and that little thug in the making. He paused then looked at Steve. "You know, Xander's like a kid between us. My skills and your skills and ancient weapons on top of it."

"I've had that thought but blocked it out. I'd hate to use swords all the time. Or even his battle axe." Danny was now rubbing his forehead and finding his phone to call his ex-wife to let her know that Xander was safely in Colorado for six months. Steve and Chin shared a smirk and they walked off together. "I'll be in the office again tomorrow, Detective. Let me know if you need to talk to me again."

"Fine." He went back to his office to look up McGarrett better. There was a note about his 'nephew' being in his partial custody due to his job and how he had some 'uncles' that were military in to play with him. It was still too weird for Hawaii.

***

Jack walked Xander into the room, nodding at the three soldiers who all saluted him. "Guys, relax. This is a job interview but not for the program. I know you were all here. This is even more important. This is my godson, Xander." Xander smirked and waved.

"I've heard," one said with a nod to the kid. "Including about that lady that showed up."

"That's Halfrek. She's over lost childhoods," Xander said. "She put me with a nanny who's really into having more hunters any way she can do it. She had someone take my blood so they could make sperm to give babies with some others they thought could be good hunters." He sat on the table, staring at them. "Uncle Jack arrested her earlier."

"Tried to. She's still in the woods but I've got a BOLO on her," Jack said, sitting down. "So he now needs a nanny sort to help him reraise himself."

"Reraise?" one asked.

Xander grinned. "I'm actually twenty-two in another few weeks. Then the wish happened," he finished sarcastically. "But at least the witch with the magic addiction did end up aging me to seven again. I had been two for a bit."

They all stared at him. The one that knew smiled. "You have all your memories, don't you, kid?"

"Yup. Every last nasty, dirty one," he quipped, grinning at him. "Which means I don't have any of the important innocences left that could get me hurt. Like that canopic jar thingy in Daniel's office." He shrugged. "It thought it wanted me too. It was really wrong."

"So yeah, he needs a parental sort to help him regrow into a good guy," Jack said. "Former hunting and all that included. Thankfully his other uncle in Hawaii has all his weapons."

"He'd better be replacing them all too," Xander quipped. "It'll take me too long to build up my storage area again and I'll probably need it by the time I'm sixteen." He looked at them. "I'm not that complicated but she had ideas that were really stupid. I'm still the asshole I was a few months back. Now I'm just shorter." He shrugged.

"And restarting school soon," Jack said dryly. "It's a lot different outside of Sunnydale, kid. You'll actually have homework."

"I had that before," he complained. "Can't I home school?"

"If the one that takes you in wants you to." He shrugged back. "You've still got to get a real diploma and don't think McKay will let you slack and be a D student. He'll expect you to do your best, not just coast, and to get more knowledge this time. He said if it was him he'd be getting all the same degrees plus one more." He looked at the guys while Xander moaned as only a seven-year-old-boy could.

"You three are the most uptight I could think of that could be a good uncle. The house itself and the kid rotates back and forth to Hawaii for half the year. That uncle takes care of the weapons habits and all his other stored stuff." Xander rolled his eyes. "He's a bit mouthy but he's himself and he used to hunt demons while working construction all day with a demanding girlfriend after hours. He did more insane things than we do."

One of them winced and raised his hand. "Sir, I left the program because I married a great woman with three little girls who would warp him horribly."

"Been there, done that," Xander quipped. "The bitches in my life made me watch *so* many dress movies. I can actually braid hair and put on a corset plus all that girly stuff. Hell, I used to carry an emergency tampon due to those girls."

"He might warp them back," Jack admitted. "I can see that reason though. You sure?"

"I'd love to help him, sir, but I doubt he'll be any more normal around me," that one said. "Sorry, kid. Don't want you to be more warped."

"I'm still going to end up hunting," Xander told him. "There's a few who think I'll like buttsex with them. I fully plan on taking them out with artillery." He looked at the other two. One was horrified. Xander shrugged. "I took a fired vengeance demon to the prom and was engaged to her before she made the accidental, prompted wish, dude. I've seen worse than all that you guys do here. I actually had one as a forced roommate for a bit." He grimaced. "I really hated having a vampire roomie to tape in my old recliner."

The one that wasn't horrified shrugged. "I was on Atlantis, kid. Wraith eat people too." Xander grinned and nodded. "You heard?"

"Yeah. Kitten poker." He grinned.

"Cool. General?"

"Please do. I'll take you over to the house later on after you pack."

Xander leaned closer to him. "I hate drunks," he said bluntly, staring at him. "I'm not real fond of abusive assholes either."

"Good thing I'm not either, kiddo."

"Good." He relaxed. "That's very good."

"I've only got a few boxes. I can be there tonight." Jack nodded. "Is it a full house?"

"Yeah. It's got a mirror image one in Hawaii," Xander said with a grin. "But not near the beach."

"That figures. It's still Hawaii." He stared at him. "Am I getting you back into at least soldier shape?"

Xander nodded. "Probably, yeah. Home schooling?"

"Probably for now. Before you freak out a teacher talking about your ex-girlfriend. Thankfully I'm working on a college degree right now so I can help you with that." Xander grinned. "We'll try it and see, kiddo. General?"

"Go pack. Meet me here," he said, writing down the address and handing it over. "At about five."

"Yes, sir." He saluted and left, going to pack his stuff. It was an interesting assignment. The kid was kind of like the soldiers he had served with on Atlantis. He spotted Sheppard, nodding at him. "Colonel."

"If you're Xander's new guardian, McKay, Mitchell, and I are all interested uncles with Dr. Janet and Dr. Lam joining in, sometimes with Jackson."

"He's so much like some of ours."

"Yeah, he is." He grinned. "He nearly hurt Cameron earlier for him picking on McKay and threatening him with lemons again. Told him he was being a bully."

"I like the kid, sir. He's really neat. Weird but neat. It's about as normal as I can probably stand anymore."

"Good. Have fun with him. We'll be dropping by when we're around."

"O'Neill told me I could home school him."

"I'll have McKay figure out which system you should use. He wasn't really a school sort before, more hands on."

"That's fine. So was I."

"Good." He clapped him on the arm. "Oh, he tried to flirt with Vala in the caf the other day. He said she's the sort of woman he needs."

"I'd tap that in a heartbeat if she let me, sir."

"Most of us would. I've heard he dated assassins too."

The guy grinned. "He's reminding more and more of you, sir." He walked off happier. Yeah, he could handle the kid. He'd be a good dad to the kid.

***

McGarrett got the abbreviated file on the new nanny/guardian the next day from O'Neill and it made him laugh. He handed it to Danny. "The new guardian."

Danny read it over. "Sounds slightly insane so he and the kid should get along."

"Xander's email this morning said Scott really loves his battle axe and swords. He flipped through a few of the demon books and wasn't creeped out, and they shared stories about vampires and other human eating things."

Danny handed the folder back. "I can see how that'd help the kid. It's good for him. Makes him more normal. School stuff?"

"Home schooling. One of the uncles out there is all but Nobel nodded in physics." Danny winced. "He's finding him what he needs and is nagging. Plus getting him used to real geniuses that don't act like Willow."

"Huh." Danny went back to his desk nodding. "So the uncle's a good one. Good."

"Jake's team is now O'Neill's permanently."

"Even better. Means the kid and Jake can make each other more normal."

Steve laughed. You never knew about those two. Normal might be too hard to obtain or it could be easy to adjust them to.

***

General Landry looked at the colonel in front of him. "Colonel, who told you to come here?"

"General O'Neill, sir."

"Oh. I see. I wish he had left me paperwork." He called him. "This new team I have?" Jack told him exactly why he had them and what they were excellent at. "Oh, that's good. Yes, I can use that. I'll start them in the program bootcamp today so they get all the various little problems down. Thank you. Next time at least leave me a note?" He got into his phone, finding that voicemail. "I didn't check that. Thank you, O'Neill." He hung up shaking his head. "His mind is going." He looked at the colonel. "Have you been put into a bootcamp class to learn about all our allies and problems?"

"We got a run-down yesterday from Colonel Mitchell and Colonel Sheppard, sir."

Landry blinked. "They're a bit warped, Colonel Clay."

"I've seen worse, sir, and when you're dealing with aliens a little warped might help."

"Could be," he agreed dryly. "Fine, we'll get you all set up in rooms and in bootcamp classes. It should take a few weeks. Anything I should worry about?"

"Pooch is probably going to be moving his wife closer soon. She's due to spawn very shortly. Jensen's got a sister and a niece he'll have moved wherever we end up."

"We have multiple sites but this is the main one and probably easier to get to than Antarctica. Or the Pegasus galaxy."

"Actually, sir, Jensen's sister would just shrug that off and pick up a bat to beat the living crap out of the wraith. She's scarier than her brother is."

"That's good to know too. Thanks for the warning. All right, let me get someone to get you set up. Chuck?" he called.

He leaned in a minute later. "General, Colonel Mitchell was looking for Colonel Clay so they could finish the intake paperwork and setting up."

"Thank you. Dismissed, Colonel. I hope you fit in here very well." Colonel Clay saluted him and went with Chuck. The general listened to that voicemail again. It was very clear why Jack wanted them here. They were like SG-1 only less sane and science oriented. So they'd probably do good here.

Hopefully O'Neill would be back in DC soon so he wouldn't have to deal with things like that kid. Or his guardians.

***

Xander looked at his guardian once he got in, staring at him for a minute. "So you're mildly insane I hope?"

"Probably. I used to do what General Jack does, kiddo." He leaned down to look at him. "I realize you're older inside. We can teach you to fake it until you get there again so no one wonders why a seven-year-old kid knows things. Though, I got warned I was to trim that swearing problem you have." He grinned.

"I swore at this age the first time," Xander admitted, grimacing a tiny bit. "It sucks but my parents didn't care."

"Me either, but not in public, near the uncles and aunts, or other interested people like the two docs who look at you like you're a great thing, and we'll figure the rest out."

"I can do that, probably."

"I don't expect perfection. Try your best. We'll get you back into shape too."

"I used to do construction. Plus swing a sword or battle axe, but I still really love artillery." He grinned. "I adore my barking pets that're in Hawaii."

"Ditto. I think artillery should be worshiped as a deity." Xander hugged him so he patted him on the head, making the kid wince and hiss. He checked. "When did that happen?"

"When I fell earlier in the shower." He shrugged. Halfrek showed up. "Hey, Hallie. This is David Scott Mercator. Uncle Jack picked him to replace the idiot one."

Halfrek frowned at him. "What was wrong with her?"

"Beyond the fact that she was going to make me spawn?" he asked, staring up at her. "She had plans of six or seven kids. Took me to a special doctor to take stuff to do that."

Halfrek looked up then at him. "D'Hoffryn is now drinking mylanta instead of popping rolaids," she said sarcastically.

"Think how I feel!" Xander shot back, grinning at her. "She was going to have me bred to Uncle Steve and his Danny both." She shuddered. "That way we won't run out of hunters in the future."

She looked at the new guy. "Are you a hunter?"

"I worked with General Jack O'Neill for over five years before I got injured and decided to go to college, ma'am."

"She's Halfrek, over lost childhoods," Xander told him. She stared down at him then at the new guy. "He's one of Uncle Jack's soldiers who go out to solve alien things before the hunters have to do it for them."

"I've got a few nephews I don't get to see real often because they're in Europe at the moment, ma'am. I'll be a good, strong uncle for him and help him regrow. Plus I don't know too many people who'd worry about the switching back and forth to Hawaii," he said with a grin. "Is he to home school like Dr. McKay wanted him to, ma'am?"

She rubbed her forehead. "I've seen him in the past when he was telling some parent off. Wow, I still remember that headache from the yelling." Xander hugged her. "Thanks, kiddo. If you want to home school it might solve a few telling problems when you blurt out Sunnydale stuff in class. I don't mind that idea at all. The future spawn?"

"Uncle Steve found all those samples with his Danny and stomped them flat," Xander quipped with a grin.

"GOOD!" She smiled down at him. "All right, we'll try you. We'll need you to go over the demon classification books with him. Also, watch out because while grenades solve a lot of things they're not always the right solution."

"Ma'am, I've seen people like McKay take out a whole base full of asshole aliens with a pen knife and a flashlight, which somehow made the base blow up," he told her. "I realize when it's a good idea but not the right one, even if it might be the best one."

She nodded. "I can't argue with that. Watch out for the two demons who would love to take him in as a future concubine. They take blessed things to take them out."

"Why two?" Xander demanded, hands going to his hips. "Two? Really?"

"Yeah. Two. The original one and some female goddess who thinks you'll make an excellent bedwarmer, kiddo." She smiled. "She's been scrying."

Xander looked up and waved. "I'll destroy you," he called. "Even at this size." He looked at her again, giving her a pointed look. "Did Anya survive?"

"Um... supposedly. She's not been redemoned, but that wouldn't be possible probably. I think she's alive. Why?"

"She has my photo albums somewhere."

"I think Willow has those."

"Can I have them?"

"Yeah, I can do that."

"Can you make her think I'm dead? It might make them feel better."

Hallie nodded. "Maybe, yeah. I'll go talk to her." She looked at the new guy. "They told you he has a problem on sugar?"

He grinned. "Yes, ma'am, but I've seen plenty of that escorting geeks around the universe. There's not been a planet yet that hasn't met one of our hyper geeks, ma'am."

"Wow. That's even weirder than demons." She shook her head. "Good luck. I'll check on you in a few weeks in case he's driven you nuts." She got another hug from the kid. "Thanks, Xander."

"You need it. You do a really important job, Hallie. You need the cuddles sometimes to remind you why you started doing vengeance to help kids like I was." He stared up at her. "You can come back for cuddles when you need 'em. Even I'd cry at some of the ones that call on you." She smiled, petting over his hair before leaving them alone. He looked at the new guy. "She's got a really hard job."

"I'm sure she does. Parents that make their kids call out for her would usually make me want to kick 'em around." He grinned. "Yours alive?"

"Not a damn clue," Xander admitted then shrugged. "If so, I don't care."

"Even better. We can work on that stuff too, that way you can date when you're old enough."

"I had a few of those but the girls treated me like shit."

"Yeah, I know some like that too. My sister's one so I won't introduce you." He winked. "Let's look at dinner stuff."

"Must I eat veggies?" he whined.

"Sometimes. Even I eat a *few* veggies. We can substitute and find things that work for you." He took him to the kitchen, starting with a snack of chips and salsa. "Half a cup of salsa is a veggie serving," he quipped. "And makes a decent snack." Xander grinned but dug in to eat. He picked out what he wanted. "Who bought you the fancy fish?"

"I think Doctor Janet did. I have no idea about fish that's not in a sandwich."

"I lived like that until I joined the military." He pulled out the rest of what he wanted and got to work making veggie meatballs with ground turkey. He could cook those in a nice sauce and it was going to last for a few meals.

***

Steve looked up from his paperwork when the twinkling started. "Halfrek. Problems?" he asked, leaning back in his seat.

"The doctor was going to make him spawn?"

"Yeah. The kid was worried they'd be making him clones but not that time." He handed over the reports once he found them. "That's on them."

She read it over, grimacing. "Yeah, I'd want her arrested for that."

"She's somewhere near Jack's area from what he said."

"Figures." She handed it back. "He's got a new guardian."

"Jack sent us his non-classified dossier," he said with a smile. "He sounds like a stand-up guy."

"He seems like it. Xander will warp him horribly." Steve laughed but nodded. "We're going to have two problems." Steve stared at her, getting serious again. "He's got more than one potential suitor he'll have to take out some day soon."

"Great. Are they demonic or evil in other ways?" Danny asked from the doorway where he was leaning.

"Demonic. She's a hell goddess." Danny winced. "Blessed, thermal rounds," she told Steve with a smirk. "She's scried him a few times."

"Sure, I can remember that in case she shows up here. Other problem?"

"He asked about the girls." Steve grimaced. "He suggested that I remove their memories of him being shrunken and replace them with he died ones, plus that I steal the rest of his stuff from Anya and Willow."

"I think it might make them quit hurting some," Steve said. "Would it work on that one's magic addiction problems?"

"I don't know," she admitted. "I can make it stick with Anya's help. He asked about her too."

"Can we ease some of his so he doesn't hurt about her?" Danny asked. "He's real worried that they'll fall without him there ta help 'em. He's had more than one nightmare I know of when I was watching over him about that."

She grimaced, shaking her head. "When they fall, he would've went with them if he was there. It's saving the future in a lot of ways. We think that's why the wish was prompted." She sighed. "We might have a problem beyond that. Anya's apparently missing."

"Missing presumed dead or missing went to Vegas to get laid missing?" Danny asked.

"I'm hoping the second but no one can find her. If she's turned we'll have a problem. Though Rosenburg might break and stake her. She'll float a branch to do it, like usual."

"Is that allowed by the rules of magic?" Danny asked, coming in to sit down. "I've read a few books and they were written by posers with fake names but they all said stuff about karma and the three fold rule."

"Rosenburg's already been caught by that a few times," she agreed. "No, killing with magic is damaging to your magic in a few different ways. Though those books do have good meditational exercises." She smiled. "We've all tried to nag the witch. Including her former girlfriend. She's ...she's addicted and it's bad. I've seen a few addicted kids who called on me who weren't in as bad of shape as she is. I don't know how it'll fall out really." Danny and Steve both nodded. "But it seems like he likes the kid. He's going to be home schooling Xander. He's already fed him salsa to get him to eat vegetables." She smiled. "He's not that bad." She disappeared, going to the Hyperion in LA. She sat down with a sigh in front of the teammates and the LA team. "A few things got asked. Xander thinks Anya might be missing?"

"We're not sure," Angel admitted. "No one's seen her in days and she missed her doctor's appointment for her battle injuries. She's still having those cuts cleaned professionally every few days."

"Okay. He was a bit worried. Not sure if he knows why he's worried. Second," she said, looking at Willow. She leaned over to grab her arm and pull it out to look at in the light. "This is not skin cancer, Rosenburg. This is magical eating." She stared at her. "That is your magic eating your flesh and necrotising it." She let her arm go. "Also, Xander wanted his photo albums back." She slumped, shaking her head. "He suggested that we diffuse the worry about him with a memory fixing. Would that help?"

Buffy shook her head. "We miss him but it's better for him."

Halfrek looked at her. "I don't think it was why he was sent. It might be to fill in for a hunter need in the future by what we think." She stared at Buffy. "We can change the memories for you if you want, Summers. That way it's easier and you think he died in the battle or something."

She slumped, shaking her head. "I don't know. I really don't. What if we run into him?"

"I don't think you'll be lasting that long, Slayer. By the prophecies we know you're not going to make it more than another five years. Thanks to us stopping Rosenburg the other day, we managed to age him to his right age of seven." Buffy glared at Willow, who was pouting at her arm. Someone stomped in. "There you are. People were thinking you had been taken out."

"We need to take out their memories." She hugged Halfrek and saw her wince. She smirked. "It's not that bad."

"Don't make me stake you," Buffy sighed, leaning back and rubbing her forehead. "Damn it." She hit Willow on the arm when a stake was floated over. "No! Bad witch!"

"That is why your skin is being eaten, Willow," Halfrek warned. "That's what dark and blood magics do to a body. Killing via magic is the same thing."

"I...." She got up and stomped off. Halfrek confiscated the photo albums for the kid and twitched her hand while staring at Buffy. "Now it won't hurt her as much," she said quietly.

"I get that and it's nice to her," Buffy sighed, looking at Anya. "If you're going to be a feeder, you're going to have to run away, Anya."

"I probably won't but I can ask to be changed from here." She smiled. "It could get me a better position."

"If you want to be a succuba, they won't take vampires," Angel said. Anya glared at him. "They won't." She got up and huffed off back out of the hotel. He looked at Buffy, who was shaking her head with a sigh. "I can have someone else."

"Let her make out a will first," Hallie ordered. "So the kid can get the pictures she kept of them." They both nodded. "I'll talk to her about that tonight." She got up. "Try to calm Rosenburg off the magic," she told Angel and Wesley, who both nodded they'd try. "She showed up in Hawaii to remove Xander from history until Xander and I pointed out it meant that she wouldn't have made it out of third grade. Then I knocked her out so she woke up this week." She left, tracking her former best friend. She settled across from her at the club, staring at her. "Xander wanted to make sure that your will said he got the pictures you kept."

"My will names him as my successor and it's on file with the demon courts." She sipped her drink. "Wolfram and Hart had me turned."

"I can point someone toward them. You know, we had to stop someone who wanted Xander to have kids. His original guardian was getting stuff so they could breed to him to make future hunters," she explained while Anya choked. "That was his feeling too. She even tried to butter him up by feeding him chocolate eggos that morning. He said now he knows to run from them." She smirked a tiny bit. "So now what, sweetie?"

"I don't know but I don't want to cause Buffy any problems." She shrugged, sipping her drink again. "It's not so bad. Even if blood does taste pretty nasty."

"I heard it does," Halfrek agreed. "You should probably go into hiding, Anya. You know the slayer won't take kindly to you being turned. Just stay away from the kid. Okay?"

"I can do that. I'll be watching him from farther away because Hawaii is really sunny." She finished her drink, standing up. "I'll make sure Xander gets all my stuff tonight." She left. She packed everything in her apartment for a demonic moving company to send over. She decided to keep all her accounts. She'd need the money to live on. She used some of her magic to disillusion herself so she could sneak out of LA. It was going to be a long, fun life.

***

Xander came out the next morning to the smell of waffles. He looked then backed away slowly, staring at David. "Are you taking me to see another special doctor?"

"Hell no. Doctor Janet will kill me with her needles, kiddo. Relax."

"She made chocolate waffles when she took me to be bled."

David shook his head. "Not my thing. I'll only torture you for singing Barney songs all night." Xander laughed and relaxed. "I did it to a teammate that was high. You got stuff in the living room."

Xander went to look then looked up. "I know Santa is a demon who eats people," he called. "And he doesn't come for six more months. So where did this come from?"

"That's Crampus, not Santa," David called back. "He eats the bad kids according to various European folklore. We found out that they had spread thanks to my old job and found where that demon was living now." Xander leaned into the kitchen to stare at him. He grinned. "We did more insane things than even your team did." Xander nodded. "The note on top said that your ex, who is now a vamp, sent it."

"Great." He went to look it over. "I wonder if she remembered my other weapons or if Jake used them for the battle."

"By his reports they used every single weapon they could find in the town, kiddo. So probably not in there." He heard the laugh and went to look, staring at the box of sex toys. Expensive looking metal sex toys. "Huh."

"Anya's friends," Xander quipped. "She was real fond of them." Someone knocked so he closed that box while David went to answer the door.

David opened the door, smiling at the woman standing there. "Do we know you, ma'am?"

"I heard there's a little boy here," she said with a smile, holding up her badge.

Xander looked out at her. No special glow. Nothing that pointed that she'd know who Halfrek was. "He's my guardian since my parents are worthless and possibly dead but my actual uncles are all military, ma'am." He went to the kitchen, pulling the last waffle out of the iron. He settled it on a plate and got what he wanted from the fridge. David came in to hand him the fruit spread, getting a smirk. "That's sneaky."

"It's jelly but it has fruit bits so Doctor Janet can't complain too much at us." He helped him settle at the breakfast bar to eat. "Need help cutting it up?"

Xander shook his head, using the knife pretty well. "No, they're light."

"Okay." He went back to talk to her and the officer with her now. "Do you have a warrant, ma'am?"

"I don't need one."

"Yes you do," he said. "I was just appointed his new guardian. His last one is being hunted by military police." He looked at the officer. "I served in Cheyenne Mountain but I'm now in college."

He nodded, calling that in. "We have a file from Hawaii?"

"Yeah, he switches back and forth to be with the two uncles he has who have standard housing. The other one's a covert ops soldier so he's never in town." The social worker tried to shove her way in. "Lady, you still need a warrant." He looked at the officer. "Doesn't she?"

He nodded. "She does but they reported some irregularities. How long have you had custody of him?"

"Last night. His last guardian ran into the woods. We're hoping she's arrested soon." He heard swearing and leaned back to look. "Hurt yourself?"

"Yes!" he complained, rubbing his knee. "I'm too close and banged my knee cap."

"It happens, kiddo. We'll figure out the right proportions later. It's real important with a bar setup to figure out how far away you should sit." He looked at the officer again. "I've got a general, three colonels, a few other soldiers, two doctors, and then a special response team in Hawaii looking over my shoulder with him," he told the officer.

"You can talk to me," the social worker sneered.

Xander walked out chewing and stared up at her. "Lady, I've seen plenty of you thanks to my parents, the pathetic drunk assholes. Every damn last one of them were worthless and decided them drinking and trying to cook me once was just fine." She flinched back, shaking her head. "I don't really care what you want. By law you have to have a warrant to come in. By that time I'll have cleaned up stuff that a former aunt left me so it's not in the living room. Secondly, it's *real* convenient you showed up to harass my old guardian, who was handing my blood to a researcher while I was in Hawaii recently," he said blandly, staring up at her. "Frankly, I'm starting to wonder if you're a state social worker or if you're an agent. If so, you can kiss my ass." David swatted him on the head. "Sorry but yay. Some of my aunts helped take down an NID project a few years back."

"I can put you into foster care," she said smugly.

He snorted, shaking his head. "No you can't. Because I won't put up with that shit. The first one who hits me I'll be killing." She flinched back. "Thankfully I'm with a guardian who can calm down those old skills. Isn't that better for everyone?" he asked with a grin.

"That's indication you need drugs!" she said firmly, glaring at him. "I can have a judge authorize you being drugged."

Xander snorted, shaking his head. "You have no proof beyond this talk, lady, and I'm not going to put up with other agents." He pointed outside. "They're torturing sickos. Did you bring them with you or did they just follow you?" She looked and the officer winced, calling them in. "David, the pets are in the closet in the spare room," he said quietly. He nodded, going to get a few helpful friends who barked. Xander stared at the agents coming up the front steps. "Just get back into your car and go."

"Mr. Harris, we're here to talk to you," she said with a smile. "And take some of your blood."

"You're not getting any of my blood, lady. I know I have a few diseases I got exposed to but fucking yay. Don't make me call in help." She snorted but looked amused as she pointed her two helpers to grab him. David shot them both in the leg. "Thanks." He stared at her again. "Just. Go."

"We'll get what we want, Harris. We are the government."

Xander sighed and looked up then went to get something from his room. He came out crushing it. A demon appeared. He pointed with a sigh. "She wants my blood. They're NID, just like the Initiative were. Want 'em?" The demon sniffed and growled in pleasure, racing after her when she ran for her car. He looked at the social worker, who was pale and shaky. "I don't need your shit, lady. I may be seven, but yay.

"I have bigger problems to deal with than you being paranoid that I'm not the little scared kid you expect. So just go and leave me alone. You're about to step into something you don't want to deal with." Another van pulled up and agents got out, one heading for the car and demon and the other three heading for him. "Oh, great, now we have the NSA too! Like we need more nut suckers," he complained to the lead agent. He glared at him, hands on his hips again. "Must you? Really?"

"Yes, we must. We're helping protect you, Harris. We'll talk to the social worker once she calms down. We'll get the agents that the demon got." He smirked a tiny bit.

"Good luck with that. They're NID and my Uncle Jack keeps pissing them off greatly by doing stuff I think is just fine."

David patted him on the head. "Calm down, Xander."

"Fine!" He looked at the agent again. "I don't trust you any more than I do the NID. I still remember the Initiative."

"Wasn't us and I helped end them on our end, kid. My team has ethics. We're the one that stopped that doc."

"Uncle Steve would probably say thanks."

The agent smirked at him. "You are on a watch list due to what you used to do out there," he said in Greek. Xander winced. "Understood?"

"Barely," he admitted. "I read ancient Greek, not speak modern. I get the basic meaning though." He stared at him. "I will *not* deal with them around me."

"Not a problem. We think you're a curse of chaos that needs to be handled. We're hoping that your new guardian can hold it down."

He smirked. "By the note on Anya's stuff she got turned. If she dies, I want her money."

He nodded. "I can make that note. Who does your doctor stuff?"

"Doctor Janet up at Cheyenne," David said smugly. "Smallish redheaded woman." He pointed. "Her."

He looked then went to introduce himself. "Ma'am, I'm Agent Peters with the NSA. We have Mr. Harris on a watch list due to his former services and chaos causing problems. We're the ones that turned in that doctor." He stared at her. "We're going to try to keep down his chaos."

"I wish you a lot of luck," she said dryly. "I'm not handing over anything about the kid."

"No worry, ma'am. We took it from the people who had it before. We have things we don't understand and have no idea how it happened and much more than you probably found since his blood from that one doctor's drawing was missing some of the old things." She quirked an eyebrow up at him. "I can share if we can be socially polite."

"Until the kid shoots you for annoying him," she said. "Or O'Neill does."

"I know not to get in his way, ma'am. We know what he does and we're all really happy you guys do that. Some day we'll cheer when Harris helps," he finished sarcastically. "Because he's the power source for at least one chaos god somewhere." He stared at her. Behind him the doctor from the NID was being eaten. "She came up and demanded blood and samples. He called in a debt."

She looked then nodded. "It's effective. Is it usually a harmless being?" He shrugged. "We do care, Agent Peters."

"So do I but I have no idea how to figure out if they're peaceful but if they want to eat the NID most agents aren't going to care."

She grimaced. "Us either," she admitted. "I'll tell the general what you've shared."

He smirked a tiny bit. "Thank you, Doctor Frasier." He nodded and gathered his people so they could leave.

She looked at the mess, finding the step-puppy and a few of her kind eating the remains. She went to talk to the kid. "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine. David actually made real waffles." He grinned. "I had fruit stuff on it."

"Fruit stuff is high in sugar but fruit is all good," she agreed. She looked at the scared looking woman. "Doctor Janet Frasier," she said, holding out a hand. "His chosen doctor."

The social worker shook it delicately. "Is he healthy and sane?"

"Most of the time. He's had to deal with those sort all too often unfortunately." She stared at the kid then at her. "It's my mission to make him more normal. We've only had him now for a few months."

"Good!" She straightened herself out, glancing at the officer, who was taping the disgusting scene. She looked at the kid then at the doctor again. "You will report to me if he so much as needs a referral to any sort of mental health specialist." She handed over her card. "I'll be waiting because I suspect it'll take drugging him." She stomped off. The officer nodded and left.

"I'm sorry they did that while you were here," Xander called, waving at them with a grin. "They were idiots." He looked at David then at Janet. "I'm going to get another waffle then deal with Anya's stuff." He went to grab another waffle from the stack and warm it in the microwave for a few second.

David grinned at her. "He's so much like one of us, Doc."

"Yes, he is. We're trying to make him sane."

He shrugged. "He's the guy he is and will be again, Doc. We like him for the guy he is." He let her inside. "Don't touch the stuff his ex sent him. She got turned I guess so they sent her stuff over."

She went to look, gasping at the box of sex toys. She carefully closed it. "That has to be taken care of."

Xander looked over at her while he finished chewing. "Her gemstone ones and the platinum was in the stuff in Hawaii," he said dryly. "Steve auctioned a few of those off."

She looked at him. "These ones should probably join them until you're old enough to be able to use them on yourself or others." He winced. "You didn't?" she asked dryly.

"That was *her* thing, not mine. I wasn't into extra dicks being around the one I was dating. I nearly left her once for cheating on me with a vampire."

"With her being turned she won't get any older while you age," David joked.

"Eww, dead penises," Xander complained, grimacing at him. "Seriously icky, David. I could never sleep with someone lukewarm." He shuddered and stuffed his mouth again.

Janet smiled. "Many of us feel the same way, Xander." She looked at the rest, blinking at what was in there. She separated out the pictures and repacked the rest. Xander came out to repack one box and put the pictures in there. "Why that and it's got a dagger, kid. Do you need more weapons?"

He stared at her. "It's her altar set. It's supposed to have an athame, a sacred sword."

"Oh. I didn't know that. Do you practice?"

"No but I can seriously mess up magic so I think we should probably keep it around just in case I have to make a sudden plea to Janus or something to fix problems."

She nodded. "Quite possibly," she agreed. "We've seen some of what the actual Janus did."

Xander leaned closer to her. "The Ancient Ones took the gods' names," he said quietly. "Not the other way around. Many of them came from ancient demon societies." She blinked. He grinned. "You haven't seen *half* of what the *actual* one did. Including hiding whole cities just to confuse one princess's boyfriend." She shuddered. "There's three good books on ancient demon societies that Giles has. Or may have had, it may be destroyed. You should ask him about that. Demons were here *long* before Ancient Ones rose up to take them out."

"Crap," she muttered. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah." He grinned and nodded, patting her on the hand. He found her phone in her jacket pocket and sent a text message to a number he had memorized long ago. Including that it was him asking since he was now around some that drew those Ancient Ones. A few minutes later he had a stack of six books. Xander looked and grinned. "Thanks, Giles." He sent back a 'thank you' and handed her the phone back. "Giles."

She saved that number while moving to look over the books with David. "I'll be damned. There were demons first. Are these written by demons?" He nodded with a grin. "Oh, dear. That's going to knock someone on their asses." She gathered them and took them with her after patting Xander on the head. "Make sure those others get to your warehouse space in Hawaii, Xander."

"Yes, Doctor Janet."

"Thank you, boys. Good job so far, David." She got into her jeep and drove off. She'd tell the general so he could deal with that social worker and make her quit freaking out about the kid.

Xander grinned at David. "They're going to have a hair pulling day up there."

"They are," he agreed. "We should finish sorting things out and help you set up the altar of just in case." Xander nodded, checking the other stuff for stuff he wanted to keep with him. The rest got sent to Steve's desk chair by Xander. Who really could do a tiny bit of magic but he'd never admit to that because then higher powers would show up wanting him even harder.

Out in Hawaii, Steve looked at his office at the twinkling, going in to get the note taped to the top box. "Oh, Anya's stuff. She was turned and sent it to Xander. Janet said we need to store the rest of this, especially the sex toys." Danny was shaking his head with a sigh. Steve was brave enough to look and human guy enough to have his mind grind to a halt at the ones on top. "What species are those from?" he finally asked.

Danny and Chin came in to look. "That belongs on the blue thing we ran into moonbathing on the beach naked," Chin told him. "I had nightmares about him."

Steve carefully put the lid on the box. "Let's get this somewhere before vulnerable people see it. I don't want Kono to get upset or worried that they're self activating again." He and Danny carried them out and drove them to the warehouse, which seemed to have grown a tiny bit. It was now full of other things too. He sighed but whoever had put it in there had at least given them an index. He took a picture of the top page and sent it to Jensen since it said he could use some of those on missions and they were his kitten poker debts.

Danny looked in one, then huffed. "Almost as nice as the kid's." They went back to the office with a stop for malsadas and coffees. It might save their minds later. Maybe.

***

Jake looked at his phone. "I love the charm work Rosenburg did on that." He read the message, grinning as he showed Cougar. "My kitten poker debt paid Xander's warehouse in Hawaii."

Colonel Mitchell looked at him. "Why is that so important, corporal?" he asked impatiently.

Jake grinned. "It's weapons. I might need them for later missions they said."

He rubbed his eyes. "The kid has real weapons?"

"The kid showed up chewing on det cord," Roque said. "Tried to get us to play see-saw on a cannon. Has a gun with tentacles that self-reload the gun from anything metal around you."

"He has an unnatural affiliation to grenades," Clay added. "We adored his stash when we watched him for a few days. Gave us something to do besides watch the kid be weird."

Jake nodded. "It's genetic from my side of the family. Even my sister likes weapons. And my niece." He grinned at Pooch. "I showed Jolene more pictures of him in his last life. She so cooed. My niece wants to protect and hug him as a little brother but her mom said no siblings."

"Your whole family is weird. That's why we didn't blink when you said he was related to you," Pooch shot back. "Is his step-puppy still following my wife around?"

"Yeah. The young hellhound bitch that's following her around growled at someone who slung a racial slur at her."

"Good. I'm glad she's protected right now." He was shaking his head and rubbing it. He took Jake's phone to text his wife then handed it back. Mitchell was giving them odd looks again. "Yeah, that's why they made us a team," he told him.

"Even if my nephew did think that Roque should have tights so he could fly and be Peter Pan," Jake quipped, getting out of swatting and punching range.

"That doesn't really surprise me about that kid." He looked at the others in the group. "The general's nephew is who we're talking about. He's weird but nice. And he wanted to flirt with Vala." A few of them just nodded. The rest were way too uptight for their program. He'd have to make sure they wanted to not stay. He couldn't take that lack of insanity. It'd mean they'd all die.

***

Kono was in the office late one night doing hated paperwork. She didn't have anything to get her out of the office early so she might as well finish them tonight before they got another case. She heard a bump and looked around, frowning. No one in the office with her. She shook off the creepy feelings as she got back to typing in the file notes. Another bump, this one clearly from inside the office. She got up to look around. No hiding people. No one had shoved someone in a closet in weeks so they weren't a forgotten perp. She frowned, turning on more lights. No more bumps so she turned off the lights again. There one was. She followed the sound, finding a little green thing carrying a grenade and a sex toy. "What are you?" she asked. It squeaked and dropped the things, staring up at her. She took the thing's picture and sent it to Steve and Danny one handed, the other on her gun. "Well, do you speak english?"

It nodded slowly. "We're making a great structure to celebrate the future prince's birthday soon."

She blinked a few times. "With a grenade?"

"He likes them." Steve stomped in and the being smiled at him and waved. "It's you!"

Steve stared then huffed. "It's a gremlin," he said. "It was on a ship I served on. I nearly threw it into the sea but I felt pity and let it live in a closet." He took the grenade back, putting it into his pocket. "You can't have the weapons."

"We're making a statue for the future prince for his birthday."

"Is his name Xander?" Kono asked. The gremlin smiled and nodded. "That's his grenade already."

"Shoot. I can go find others." He hefted the sex toy and ran out a window and into the night.

She looked at Steve. "All I knew was some bumps in the less lit areas."

"They like the dark," he agreed, rubbing his forehead. "I'll go do an inventory of his storage area later." She shut down her computer and followed him out. He grinned at her.

"I don't need gremlins walking around me with sex toys. They might get ideas. Like that one magicked model that tried to jump out of the box to tease my cousin."

"That was freaky, but funny," he admitted. He followed her out of the building and to their cars. Steve sent a text message to Danny about the gremlin and then one to Xander's phone so he was warned too. Danny sent back a message he'd meet him to do an inventory of Xander's warehouse in the morning. Just in case the gremlins had taken more of them for their art projects.

***

Three months later, Hank Landry shut the mountain off from the outside world for a bit. All personnel were locked to base. All gate missions were postponed. There weren't many people let in, but he called General O'Neill to come personally. He was still staring at the gateroom's new displays while he called. Landry hung up and looked at his assistant. "Go find me Corporal Jensen," he said quietly. "He or O'Neill probably have an explanation." His assistant got him some aspirin on his way to find that corporal. He took them while he waited.

Jake and Clay stomped in together, Clay holding onto Jensen. "Is he in trouble, General? Did he hack someone again against orders?"

"No," he said, pointing at the gateroom. "I think he might know about that though."

Jake looked then blinked, shaking his head. "Not me," he said while trying not to laugh. "Wow. Someone thought the gateway was a sexual metaphor." He shook his head quickly. "It's kind of techno and lots of shiny things." He leaned over to look down there. "Weapons too. That's a grenade statue." He straightened up, looking at Clay. "Want me to call the kiddo?"

"Please," Landry agreed patiently but quietly. Before he lost his temper.

Jake called all the uncles. "Hey, guys, has anyone heard anything about shiny, slightly techno, weapon and sex toy based artwork?" Steve choked and told him something. "Okay. Is his birthday this week? I thought it was next week. Yeah, that's true. It'll take a few days to appreciate all this pretty artwork. Thanks, man. Yeah, that's probably why you got called, General." He hung up and looked at Clay then pulled up the page on his phone to let the general see. "Gremlins. They're celebrating Xander's birthday. They're apparently showing off the kid's presents."

Landry read it over, eye starting to twitch. He handed it back. "I'll let your team and O'Neill hike it down to their house when he gets here." He walked off rubbing his forehead, going to the infirmary.

Jake looked at Clay, shrugging some. "McGarrett said they caught a gremlin with a grenade he had stored and a sex toy. The little guy told him they were making some prince a birthday present."

Clay groaned, shaking his head. "Great. We'll get the others together to hike it to the house so you can play for a bit." He looked down there. "No idea how to uncover the gateway's ring." He walked off shaking his head. Roque was not going to believe this. Even seeing it wasn't enough to believe it.

Jake sat down, shrugging at the staring people. "Gremlins apparently really like shiny techno things and sex toys." They groaned. "McGarrett said that the gremlin he caught in their office with his grenade was one he had seen on a ship he served on." He sat up and looked. "We should send pictures to the other uncles on Atlantis." He pulled out his phone, going down there to take good photos of all the pretty artwork. He smiled at the stuff on the walls that climbed it like computer parts ivy.

The gate started to dial in and the vines around it with the sex toy 'flowers' actually moved out of the way of the gateway opening. He blinked and filmed it for the Atlantis uncles. The team came through and paused to stare. "Gremlins," he said with a grin. "It's a birthday present for the kid." The team, who he barely had met, all shook their heads. "They really like techno and shiny things." He taped it as the gateway closed and the vines closed around the ring again. "Wow, they did a great job with that."

The team leader turned to look at the ring then around the room. He huffed. "We're not supposed to be giving the universe sexual ideas," he complained. "Because this is enough to give me some I didn't want."

"Me too," Jake quipped, grinning at him. "They made a nice grenade statue too." He pointed. Then he took more pictures. It was shifting to repose itself. It was a rough outline of a human body and was posing. "Wow. I wonder how they laid that ability."

"Probably stuff that would make Carter and McKay yell at someone," one of the grunts on that team complained. "We're going to medical since the general hasn't given an order yet."

"He's already down there," Jake told him. "He had a headache. We're on base lockdown."

The team nodded, hiking off to get their medical checks. They could understand why the general was down there getting brain scans. They could probably use one too. Jensen...they had hopes his team would go to Atlantis since that sort of insanity was more useful up there than on the main base.

***

Steve hung up and sighed, rubbing his eyes. "The gremlins got done with their artwork but it's on the general's base." He stood up. "I need to go see it." Danny stared at him. "It's for his birthday next week. It's ....apparently very interesting." He got video from Jake and watched it, frowning at what he saw. "They animated it too. Huh." He let Danny see it after the classified stuff was out of view.

"Did they take his grenades for that? I don't think he had that many," Danny said, letting Chin see it with Kono looking over his arm. He looked at Steve. "The last inventory was only missing two grenades and you were pretty sure you took them."

"Yeah, I think I did. I don't know. If I find one I'll ask where they got them from." He took his phone back and texted O'Neill that he was on his way out. He disappeared in a flash of light, blinking at the people staring at him. "Hi." He looked around the room then at Jake, who was grinning at him. "We need to ask where they got the extra grenades from since it wasn't his warehouse." He walked over to look at the grenades statue. It poked him but shifted into a new position. "This is fantastic work. Magic we think?"

"I think so," Jake admitted. "Not real sure." He shrugged and grinned, grabbing his arm as the ring's vines responded to the extra energy of the general being flashed into the room. "That's very cool. It moved when the thing opened too."

"That's fantastic," O'Neill said, looking around. "Wow." He stared at the grenade statue that had just quit moving. "Did it...?" Jake and Steve both nodded. "Huh."

"We need to see where the gremlins found them," Steve said. "They didn't come from his warehouse."

"Interesting. Yeah, we can do that." He looked around again, nodding. "Wow. I wonder how much of this we can give to the kid."

"It's grenades," one of the soldiers said firmly. "Kids should not have grenades!"

"It's his nephew," Jake told him. "The deaged one."

"SO! It's still *GRENADES*!"

"He was two and wanting to pet and cuddle the grenades," Steve said with a shrug. "Xander really loves weapons."

"He chewed on det cord whenever we couldn't stop him," Jake said. "Petted all the weapons that got sent with him too."

"I pulled out that tentacle gun to freak out someone," Steve said with a grin. "That one will *never* try to kidnap people on my islands again."

Jack laughed. "I wanted to show that off or let Sheppard do it there. That might actually freak out the natives." He moved to look at the vines around the ring. "They're not connected?"

"They pull back at a lot of energy or it starting to move," Jake said. "Pulled back totally earlier when it opened."

"Great. That's actually an excellent thing as long as it doesn't disturb it any." He walked around to look at the others. The grenade person poked him too so he got out of the way. They got to watch as the ring started to move and everything activated to move some. "It's reacting to the extra energy?"

"It's making me have crawling feelings," Steve admitted quietly. Jack looked at him. "It is."

"That's a whole different talk, McGarrett," he said smugly. People came through and paused to stare at the walls and then at the gate. "Gremlins gave them to my nephew for his birthday next week, guys."

"Including the grenade statue," Jake said with a grin and a point.

"General, permission to go back to the people who think we're idiots?" one of that team requested patiently.

"Denied. Go to medical instead. The gremlins only put the pretty artwork in here, guys." They tromped off and they got to watch as the vines around the gate moved back into place as it shut down. Slowly everything quit moving. He looked up. "Chuck, do we have energy readings to compare?"

"There's less static electricity in the air," Chuck, the gate tech, called down. "Colonel Carter wasn't amused but she said it's taking care of some of the problems we've had with static discharges, General."

"So it's really helpful," Jake said with a grin. "That's great." He looked around again. "The stuff on the walls is pretty and probably useful. The gate's ring wouldn't fit anywhere in the house so maybe we keep those and give the rest to the nephew?" he suggested.

Jack considered it, looking at the grenade statue and the other things. "Yeah, that might work. I'd hate to see it destroyed if something hostile comes through the gate." He walked over to pet the things on the walls. One petted him back, which was a bit creepy, but it was magic so that was about his normal feeling about it.

McGarrett smiled at Jake. "If we bring him in here to see it, we'll have to make sure he doesn't run across the gateway by accident. Xander seems like the sort that would do that."

"It might be prompted because then wish demons could follow him," Jake agreed. Jack shook his head as he walked off. "So...."

"Office, boys," Jack called back. They followed him. He looked at Landry, who was in there having a minor hissy fit. "Any other artwork they left us? Carter said that the pretty stuff was actually solving a small problem they've had with the static discharge. It only took ten years to get that fixed."

Landy looked at him. "Why did they leave it here?"

"It's helping," Jake reminded him. The general glared at him. "According to the books Xander has, gremlins are really attuned to energy flows. They like to tinker in energy creating things like engines, and sometimes try to rearrange it so it suits their sense of the energy flows instead. That's why they get accused of breaking machines all the time."

"So why did they put it in my gate room?" Landry demanded.

"Because there's a lot of energy output, which would draw the gremlins," Jack told him, looking them up. "Yeah, the gate energy and all the excess energy we have flowing out of it would draw them. They're said to be artistic with leftover parts in their own homes. And sometimes in places where they congregate. I'm guessing we're like their favorite restaurant or coffee bar right now with all the miscalibrated machines around here, Hank," Jack O'Neill said, putting the phone up.

"Though the one I saw in my office trying to take a grenade I had borrowed from the kid did say they were creating him a birthday present," McGarrett said with a slight shrug. "If they do deal with energy flows then I'm guessing you've probably got more than one pretty area today, General." The general glared at him. He stared back. "General, I've seen tougher hookers," he said bluntly. "I'm a SEAL. I've seen worse than your glare, sir, to be blunt." Jack burst out laughing but nodded.

"I think Clay dated that one," Jake quipped. "Was she crazy?"

"Not when I met her during training," Steve quipped. "She had been a DI but fell to a drug thing."

Jack nodded. "I've met a few of those. They can glare you into shrinking away from them," he agreed. "I set up one to talk to Vala about her training for me too." He grinned at Hank, who was now glaring at him. "Buck up, at least it's useful and pretty, Landry."

"It's interfering...."

"It's helping, sir," Colonel Carter said from the doorway. "All the strange wobbling that have been driving our computers batty in the sciences is now gone. The gate's not using as much energy or outputting needless heat and energy. Whatever the whatevers did helped a lot."

"Gremlins," Steve said with a grin. "Hi, Steve McGarrett, other uncle and SEAL, ma'am."

"Colonel Samantha Carter." She smiled as she shook his hand. "I've met Xander. He's a sweet, dirty minded little kid."

"Yeah, he can be, but he keeps it down around my teammates. One's *real* protective of his daughter, who is like his big sister now." He grinned. "He doesn't even get to swear around Danny."

"Is he the loud New Jersey guy he talked about?" she asked. Steve smirked and nodded. "Good! He needs more like that."

"I put him with a former one of us, Carter," Jack said smugly. "He might get to swear now and then but he'll help him modulate it in public. Though we do have to finish getting that social worker help since she came after Xander about when the NID showed up to take samples." She shuddered. "Steppuppy," he said bluntly. "And her family." McGarrett shuddered. "Yeah, messy, but NID so not all that big of a loss."

"I've met a few of them. They reminded me of the dementors in _Harry Potter_," Steve admitted. Jake stared at him. "Grace demanded I read it." He grinned at him for that. "I love that kid. She's neat. Even better than her dad. She doesn't quite have his temper but has his sense."

"Can he go back to Hawaii now?" Landry asked him.

"No, sir. We split custody between myself and O'Neill, with Jake showing up when he's not on duty to play. Frankly most of my team is looking forward to trying to make him a bit more normal so he can hide the hunting when he's an adult again."

Jack nodded. "I can agree with that approach. Janet's trying the same thing."

Carter nodded as she walked off. "Good luck with that project, sirs."

"This kid is doing insane things that are bothering my base," Landry complained.

O'Neill stared at him. "The last I knew this was *my* base, Landry." He flinched back away from him. "And yeah, Xander's a tiny bit insane but next to what we deal with daily? He's not jack to what we went through our first five years. You haven't lived until you've been made to bear live snakes." McGarrett and Jake both shuddered at that mental image. "At least it got cleared up, boys."

"I'll volunteer Roque for that so I *never* have to live that down for eternity. Because Pooch would never let me forget that, even if it I was suicidal because of it," Jake complained.

"With how that happened...." Jack started. "He'd probably want to forget it anyway." He patted him on the arm. "We've beaten most of those sort, Jake. We have worse enemies now but they can't create a possessed state. They just kill you or eat you."

"Well, thank God for that," Steve said dryly. "Glad I'm a normal SEAL, sir," he said at O'Neill's pointed look. He grinned. "I'd hate to see what your enemies would do in the Sandbox."

Jack smirked back. "Don't tempt me to release a wraith into an insurgent's camp, McGarrett. It'd be at least slightly evil of me."

"Sometimes evil is fun but not usually a good idea," Jake said. "Clay said that when he made me quit hacking the NSA to take out the torturing freaks they have in their basements." He grinned. "I can try that on the NID but you'd have to make the team leave me alone for a few days."

"Don't tempt me, Jake. Really, just don't tempt me. I'd lend you help." Jake grinned and bounced some. "I'm going to introduce you to Kusangi the next time she's down here."

"She's a goddess and I'll probably worship at her delicate little toes, General. Plus maybe put her on one of those carried chairs and help her dress in fancy gold headdresses and a pretty kimono. The top level of hackers have *all* heard of her." He grinned. "I had a totally hacked picture of her once when I was learning how to hack."

"I'll have to tell her that. It'll make her week." He grinned at Landry. Who was growling. Then he suddenly changed. "Okay, who did the magic."

Steve looked then picked up the small human. "I don't know, General. I don't see anything down there. Can gremlins do that?"

"Not from what the books said, but they might have had help creating some of those art pieces," Jake said. "There's artificers who fuse magic and tech together."

"That's an evil idea," Jack said. He picked up Landry. "Let's get you somewhere safer and I'll let the higher ups know that you're indisposed for the moment." He walked off. "Go home, McGarrett."

"You guys brought me," he called after him. Carter waved him out while she called someone. They sent him home. "Thanks," he called with a smile and a wave. He stared at Danny. "It's beautiful artwork. The gremlins did a fantastic job. That grenade statue moves. All of it moves in response to energy output."

"Huh," he said with a nod. "That's...pretty weird actually. But probably pretty." He stared at him. "Everyone all right out there? Xander sent a text saying that he heard that magic was going on out there and he was worried."

"Nah, it's mostly fine. The main base's general is now about action figure height but otherwise it's all right." Danny winced, shaking his head as he walked off. "It's all really beautifully done. Almost organic but it's all extra pieces of machines."

Danny held up a hand. "Probably classified."

"Only where," he admitted. "Gremlins aren't classified." He went to join with his team to talk about their next case. Thankfully he was not a general, he did not have to deal with higher ups, and O'Neill could chew ass if he had to deal with them himself. Though he would have to ask the general about how to handle the classified stuff they did in relation to the kid and what Danny and the team could hear about from him. He wasn't sure their version of 'classified' was the same definition Xander used. He sent that text message to Jake's phone so he could bring it up. The general was probably still out there.

***

Jake looked at his phone and groaned. "O'Neill." He tossed over the phone. "It's a good point."

Jack read it and grimaced but nodded. "He's right. What we'd consider classified the kid might not so that team might end up hearing strange things." He answered it back then threw the phone back. Landry was glaring at him. "Xander knew what we did beforehand, he learned from his kitten poker contacts. Apparently we're hot gossip in the underground demon communities," he said dryly. "McGarrett was right to consider what the kid might spill by accident."

"How does he know anything?" the general demanded.

"Because the demon gossip network not only encompasses at least sixty species, but also two other planes' version of the CIA," Jake told him. "I learned a lot about Atlantis when I was playing in Sunnydale for information on that apocalypse battle just because they heard I was helping protect Xander. He probably knows a lot he's not saying, General."

"He's seven, no one will listen to a child," Landry decided.

"Except for the fact that his other uncle is a SEAL on detached duty in Hawaii," Jack said sarcastically. "With a few cops that help him with the kid." Landry scowled. Jack shrugged. "I'll figure out how far to brief them. Frankly, if we're having a huge problem, I'm going to ask him to step in to help. He's about as crazy as some of ours are." He looked at Jake. "Your sister might have the same problem?"

"As far as I know she doesn't play kitten poker," he said, grinning at the general. "But she does hack and is holding up Kusangi as a goddess role model to my niece. Personally I'd like my niece to end up more like Radek is supposed to be according to the science squads. I'd rather not have her forcibly recruited for her hacking skills." Jack winced. "I was given a slight choice. It was some branch of the military or the NSA. I'd hate to loathe myself that way."

Jack nodded. "Can we use them somehow?"

"You'd have to pay her, General. She's not really happy with her mundane identity being a drone at an insurance company. My niece is bored stupid in school too. They're coming out here and I'm going to introduce the kid to them. The same way McGarrett introduced Danny's daughter so he had some other kids who knew he was weird but didn't really care but liked him anyway."

"Yeah, that's not a bad idea. If I had a kid around his age I'd do the same thing," Jack agreed. He considered it. "How good is your sister."

Jake grinned. "Better than I am. My niece will be my level, sir."

"Great. We might be able to use her a lot." He nodded once. "Pooch's wife?"

"She's a really nice, normal, loud wife sort who swats Clay for dating, Roque for bringing knives into her house, and me for babbling while cooking for her pookie bear. Her soon-to-be son is probably going to be like his daddy instead of the rest of the team. Coug's family are all normals too."

Jack O'Neill smiled but nodded. "We can probably work around that. Would his wife like to meet the kid?"

"We've already introduced the topic and shown her pictures. She thinks he's adorable and needs help the same way Doctor Janet does."

"Doctor Lam has the same feeling but she's a bit creeped out by all this. It's too weird for her."

"You'd think she would've been used to abnormal consider being here," Jake quipped.

"Yeah, you would. She'll lose that sometime soon." He looked at Landry, who was Doctor Lam's father. "Just like Fraser did." He looked at Jake again. "Do we think that your sister is going to warp the kid?"

"Probably. Then again Xander had a flashback one day to those girls of his making him help them shop. We were going for a few t-shirts and a few pairs of jeans when he suddenly aged. He had a huge flashback at the shoe store we had to take him out to the car for almost an hour until he could calm down. He and Clay talked about it and even Clay got grossed out how they treated him like a retarded girl who didn't know how to do girl things. Then put him down as being a normal guy."

Jack winced. "I'll let David hear that. Maybe he can help. He grew up as the only brother to three sisters if I remember right." He rubbed his forehead. "That one kid out in Hawaii?"

"She's totally cool, thinks that Xander's the neatest little guy who she can practice mom things on, and her mom thinks the same way Doctor Fraser does now from what I've heard. They only introduced him to the team and Danny's ex-wife and kid. That's who they'd be around most of the time. The extended family knows he's around thanks to a cookout but they don't *know*."

"Even better. All right, I'll talk with someone about that team hearing some limited things so they can call if something like our problems appear out there."

"Too late," Jake quipped with an evil grin. "He found a snaked being and called Doctor Fraser directly, sir."

"Fuck," Jack said, looking amused. "When?"

"Last month. He told me he didn't tell Xander just in case he knew them too. Apparently Xander has a lot of strange contacts."

Jack nodded. "Yeah. He appears to. Did the whole team know?"

"Not sure."

"I'll ask him later. That makes it more important that they hear something but not everything."

"The president will hate that," Landry said.

"The president's heard about Xander. He asked me for pictures," Jack said. "And he laughed about McGarrett being the other uncle." Landry glared. Jack shrugged. "He'd probably agree that it's partially necessary, just to make sure they don't ever want to talk about stuff the kid hears and tells."

"With his old contacts from kitten poker, he might know about the city than we do," Jake agreed. "He told Daniel where an ancient demon library was so he could ask them if they had anything on the city."

"Can we take out that information pipeline?" Landry demanded.

"No," the other two said together.

"I'd like to know how they know so much about us," Jack said. Jake texted someone and got an answer back, holding up his phone as he sat forward. Jack read and groaned, kicking a wall. "Yeah, I'd worry about us turning into them too if they don't know us."

"From what I've heard, they used to just watch your team in awe, General. Apparently your version of crazy white guy syndrome made them think of some ancient warriors."

Jack smiled, shaking his head. "Great. Do we know anything on them?"

"Doctor Fraser got books from Mr. Giles about how demons were there sneering at the Ancients."

Jack stiffened, staring at him. "What?"

He nodded with a grin. "Xander told her how the Ancients who took the ancient demon gods' identities got them."

Jack picked up the desk phone to call the infirmary. "These new books," he said when Doctor Lam answered. "Yes, those. Has Daniel seen them? Good. Thanks, Lam. Yup, we're talking about him now. Not sure. Thanks." He hung up. "She wanted to know if he had any strange reactions to meds like vaccines."

"I'm not sure my half-sister got him his shots," Jake admitted. "She was a pretty hard failure in life and as a mother, sir."

"We can ask the kid." He called Daniel. "Come report to us about those new books." He hung up. "We'll see."

Daniel knocked then walked in. "The histories from the ancient demon societies are seriously worrying. Did you know that some of our current deserts weren't then? They apparently had a magical war." He put his notes down. "Yes, there were known demon deities that had the names that the Ancients took on to become our pantheons. Janus was seriously more twisted than ours was. He hid three cities to confuse some princess' boyfriend basically because he was bored and he thought she needed some challenges to grow up. She magically called down some sort of lava creature to eat him. He relented and told her boyfriend where she was so he could fix her bad mood as it was put." He grinned. "And then he froze their palace out of time and space just before they both hit their high points so they couldn't be formally consummated. They're still frozen just before they orgasm apparently."

Jack blinked a few times. "Yeah, our Janus would've just picked on them somehow."

"The one that chaos sorcerers pray to might be that one," Jake said. "One of the high priests of Janus turned everyone in Sunnydale into their costumes they bought from him one year. That's how Xander got military training."

Jack and Daniel both stared at him. "Damn," Daniel said. "Okay, yeah, it's probably the original instead of the Ancient One." He handed Jack the notes and walked off nodding. "Going for coffee."

"Thanks, Space Monkey," Jack called. He read them over, handing them to Jake when his head started to hurt.

"I wonder if one of them can verify which one they're praying to," Jake said. Clay knocked and entered at the grunt. "We're talking about ancient demons versus ancients."

Clay shook his head. "I don't need to know unless we have to go rescue someone like Vala or Jackson from them. Your sister's in town with your niece and Jolene. They escorted her out." He looked at Landry then at O'Neill. "She's due soon, Generals. Within two weeks."

"You'll still be in orientation then," Landry told him.

O'Neill nodded. "Probably, yup. Unless we have a massive problem. Have they figured out where to live?"

"Yup. That's one reason why the rest of the Jensens showed up to help. His niece really loves to help people paint rooms."

"She is a bit weird that way." He grinned at him. "We were talking about the kid's poker and information contacts."

"I'd like to have that sort of pipeline but playing kitten poker creeps me out," Clay told them. "Mostly because the demons are weirder than I'm used to. At least most of the aliens we run into are humanish. Tentacles are creepy, generals."

"Yeah, I'd agree with that," Jake quipped.

"Ditto," Jack said. "Colonel, we're concerned that the kid's version of classified is different than ours."

"I'd say it's pretty likely, though he does understand keeping things from people to protect them."

"But if he needs to talk about stuff, Steve's team is mostly just cops," Jake reminded him. "And Danny's ex and kid."

"Point." Clay considered it. "McGarrett's a SEAL. He knows the meaning of the word classified. I'm pretty sure his team would too, General. The little tough hotass and her male cousin aren't really going to be more than fond uncle and aunt sorts. The loud one can talk to his own daughter about not talking about anything the kid might slip and tell her. We can remind the kid that she shouldn't know and tell him who can know."

"That was my thought," Jack said. "All right, we can do that. Think we can use Jensen's sister?"

"Please give her something to do before she gets into a Swiss system again, General. The last time agents came to growl at her and his niece hit one with a hot iron. They weren't amused."

Jensen smirked at him. "NID showed up to gather samples against Xander's will. He called in a debt and Steppuppy. In front of the social worker there to harass him."

"We've gotten her help," Jack told him. "And erased that memory before she finished her vendetta to have him drugged."

"It'd probably just make him worse. It did when they tried it on me," Jake said with a smug look. "The judge that the social worker went to ordered her to stop it before I set her on fire."

Clay nodded. "That so figures," he mouthed to O'Neill, who was shaking his head. "We can talk to the kid about that."

"I will. It's my duty as his uncle. I'll brief those too as well. I can't believe they found a gou'ld down here."

"It was probably on vacation," Jake quipped.

"Probably," Clay agreed.

Jack nodded. "Probably trying to pick up a new host body." He looked at Landry, who was rubbing his head. "It could be a lot worse. The kid could've mentioned it in the mall or something."

"Getting that kid into a mall requires valium," Clay said bluntly. "Those women screwed him up hard, General."

"I heard about his flashback and panic attack. I'll warn his guardian."

"I'm going over to play the next time we have downtime," Jake said.

"That's fine. He's a good playmate," Jack said. "We ran around the park the last time." He took the notes back. "Dismissed, guys." They went back to their rooms to call Jensen's sister and Pooch's wife. "Let me go do that." He left, leaving Landry to moan and bitch about things. He was pretty good at it really. He went to find Xander first, finding him on the front porch staring at the traffic going on. "Hey." Xander grinned at him. "Bored?"

"Paint fumes."

"That happens." He sat down next to him. "Do those chaos sorcerers know they're praying to ancient demons?"

"Some may but probably not. Why?"

"It freaked some people out."

Xander nodded. "Yeah, it can do that. So do most demon things."

"True. That brings up a point. You know you can't talk about what you hear about us?"

Xander grimaced. "Some of it might be necessary. I heard last year when you guys were all but overrun."

"In those things, or if you get bothered by one of them, we'll prep McGarrett and Danny so you can talk to them. The same as you can about all the stuff you used to do. I'm pretty sure they'd understand the hunting stuff."

"They said they would but it's a bit worse and stranger than being a soldier."

"Yeah but my people deal with freaky things weekly and I'm going to be talking to those two about the minor things so they know when to call me because they run into another gou'ald out there."

"That was freaky." Xander looked at him. "I won't be telling everyone, Jack."

"I know that. You're used to keeping some things secret to protect yourself and others. I know some things could probably be heard safely but not yet."

Xander nodded. "I can agree with that. Better than therapy, which I could probably use sometimes thanks to the bitches."

"They try to call?"

"No. Angel tried to call." He looked at his uncle. "To tell me that Willow no longer remembered I was alive but he still did so he'd be watching out for whatever I ended up doing. I'm going to stake his ass."

Jack smirked at the kid, ruffling his hair. "Yeah, that'd get me too." David leaned out of the house, paint on his cheek. "We're talking about who can know slightly classified things if he needs to talk."

"That's fine, General. You're his uncle, you can come play with him." He looked at Xander. "Aren't we both supposed to be painting your room?"

"I thought you were doing yours." He looked at Jack, who followed him inside to help them paint. Though the demon appearing with a present got glared at by Jack until he got the clue and left for a while. David shook his head. "The hell goddess who thinks he's cute," he told the general. "If I find her, I'll help the kid kill her hard."

"We'll have to see if the grenade statue the gremlins left will help with that."

"You don't move gremlin artwork or they get upset and break stuff," Xander said. "They get really pouty if you move their artwork."

Jack sent that message to Landry and the others. "Thanks for that, kid. They decorated a few rooms on the base."

"It's usually really pretty and shows how they feel the power flows," Xander quipped.

"They made us a grenade statue that moves with excess energy," Jack quipped back. He showed him pictures. "Steve said one told him they were making you a birthday present. We thought those were that."

"It's cute," Xander said, grinning at David. "We can make one of those."

"You need more grenades for that," David said dryly. "If so, yeah we can. Do a research paper on how to build one, kiddo." Xander rolled his eyes. "You need to do the educational stuff anyway," he said with a grin. "Suck it up. McKay wanted you to get a PhD."

"Ewww."

"Yup," Jack said with a nod. "Just do what you do best and do your best. We'll hold him off most of the time. Besides, he's in Pegasus again."

"I guess I can do that. I'm actually pretty good at research stuff." Jack ruffled his hair again. They got back to painting then Jack helped make dinner. He was pretty good at guy cooking.

***

Jack appeared where McGarrett's tracker said he was, nodding at the whole team there for dinner. They had all seen them beaming McGarrett before so he only got a few nods of greeting from the group as they ate. "Gotta talk to the guys, sorry. Steve, Danny?"

"Me?" Danny asked, looking amused.

"Yeah. We've already had a talk with the kid about his idea of classified versus ours." Steve winced. "Then we find out you guys handled something in our project a while back. Can we talk?"

"We can use the back porch, General," Steve said, bringing his beer with him. "Won't take long, guys. Don't hog all the gellato." He and Danny went out back with the general. "I've kept to non-classified information anytime I had to share," Steve said quietly as he sat down.

Jack nodded. "We appreciate you know what classified means. Xander's version is 'to protect people from freaking out'. Which we understand and we get that. David and I agreed that we're not fully keeping things from him. We really can't. David has some horrible nightmares the kid's already heard, plus his own poker contacts have told him *alllll* about us." He sighed, looking at Danny. "A little over a year after he joined your team, you guys actually ran into one of our problem species out here hunting for a new host body."

"Host body?" Danny asked.

"That's why I'm here." He handed him a folder. "He already knew more than you do." He looked at McGarrett. "We'll let you know how to handle things and give you a number to call in case of problems if you can't get me. Sometimes I do go off-world."

Steve nodded. "It's a bit insane, sir, but I get how important it is. From what I've heard, mostly due to Xander's contacts, you've got to handle insane shit that saves us all. I'm all for that approach but I'm too sane to help you guys."

Jack smiled. "It does take a special soldier to be one of the mountain's troops."

Danny looked up from reading. "I'm reading about ancient history?"

"You're reading about the people that put gateways around in a lot of places. My project uses those."

Danny nodded. "Why?"

"We wanted to learn, see if there was things out there that could help us. And then we found out we already had enemies. Then someone started a machine and it brought another one." He smirked a tiny bit. "The first is the sort you ran into on that beach. The second is like a telepreacher who'll kill you if you don't believe as they do."

"Charming!" He went back to reading, shaking his head. He finally ran into the species reports and frowned. "Huh?" He pointed for Jack's benefit.

"Yeah, if a female gou'ald possesses you, it can make you lay eggs. It's creepy."

Danny nodded. "That's so gross."

"Yup. And queens put our high pheromones that make men stupidly follow them as their soldiers. We haven't met one that can resist it. Maybe Sheppard with his DNA taint. Maybe Harris with his."

Danny frowned. "Boobs do many things but this is worse?"

"Yeah. There's no way of fighting it if they're putting it out. It literally bypasses your mind and makes you drool on her and do her will no matter what you want to do. If you run into those, let the women handle it."

"Kono would do killer at it," Danny agreed, going back to it. He paused. "Whoa, hold on. One of these is at Grace's school." He pointed. "By that name actually."

"That's good to know. We'll investigate it." Jack made himself a note and Steve wrote down the school's address. "That could be a huge problem."

"Yes it will be if they warp my daughter," Danny assured him. "I'll turn into Super SEAL there and make sure she's fine."

Steve grinned at Jack. "He isn't too bad at it." Danny hit him on the arm but went back to reading. "What are the chances that more will show up here?"

"Probably not high but you are a prime vacation spot, McGarrett. I'm not sure how that Ori happened onto here."

"Okay. We can keep it in mind and Kono can put in a subtle computer command to route anything about that to our desks without having to know why."

"That's fine. If you need them to, Jake can help with that or his sister can apparently."

"That's good to know," Danny agreed, flipping pages. He frowned. "That's creepy."

Jack looked then nodded. "Yeah but there's worse. Where his new other uncles serve, much worse and if they get down here, we'll need help killing them all since they eat human energy."

Steve scowled. "Seriously?"

"Yeah. Like put a hand on you and suck you into old age. We have film where one of the new uncles got eaten by a different group that had one of them and him hostage."

"Fuck," Steve said.

"They show up, we've got the warehouse and he can play poker for more," Danny said. He paused in reading. "Is that who that is?"

Jack nodded. "Yeah. That's them."

"The kid mentioned something about that city. Said it was beautiful but tragic."

"Yeah, and slightly sentient. I'm kinda hoping the kid will take over on the city when he's regrown."

Steve took those to look at, frowning. "I thought that was a myth."

"It was, it's just in another galaxy." He shrugged. "Whole lots of shit out there."

Steve handed it back. "What do I need to know about special abilities and weapons?"

"Only the female gou'alds have special skills. Priors, the priests, can warp your mind. Some have shown some projective gifts."

"Okay, so any mind screwing, we cuff 'em or beat 'em, then call you," Danny agreed, handing the folder back. "The kid knows how much?"

"We're not sure. When I asked he told me some but I'm pretty sure he's holding back."

"Probably," Steve agreed. "We can be aware of it and let him talk to us if he needs to. Or David does." He stared at the general. "Have you heard that the old R&R hospital is open for grabs?"

"I hadn't," Jack admitted. "Why?"

"The base built a better, new one."

"It might help some of ours who're healing," Jack agreed. "I'll talk to Landry about it. He's going a bit insane right now."

"Demon hunting would do that to most of us," Danny told him. "Gave me a few nightmares and I've only read some stuff about it. Especially when we found those demon worms in the liquor that weren't dead."

Steve shuddered. "That was freaky." Jack pulled a picture up on his phone, showing them. "Yeah, that looks like them."

"That's a gou'ald," he said smugly. "In liquor?"

"Yeah. We got called to the ER because the kid was freaking out and they thought she had been drugged. She said it was because she had drank the worm and it was talking to her, telling her how she could do things," Danny said. "They removed the worm and it disappeared. Someone in the ER thought it was somehow drugged beyond the liquor and maybe something like trafficking."

"Where is that worm?" Jack asked.

"No clue. It disappeared from the hospital," Steve said.

"The surgeon?"

"Never checked," Steve admitted. He leaned back. "Chin, check on that surgeon who did that drugged worm thing," he called.

Chin leaned out a few minutes later. "He's missing, presumed retired to drink himself to death after ten years as an ER surgeon. Why?"

"We think that worm was something after all," Steve said with a grin. "Something seriously weird and yet bad."

"Great. Do we have to track him down?"

"I can have someone do it," Jack said with a grin. "General Jack O'Neill."

"Chin Ho Kelly." He waved. "My cousin Kono is inside. Are we helping hunt that guy down?"

"He's the other uncle for the kid," Danny said.

"Ah!" He grinned at the general. "Good luck. He's a bit weird but fun." He went back to tell his cousin that. She waved and smiled at him too. Jack waved back with a grin.

Danny smirked at Steve. "If one of those come for me, I'm going to bring you with me."

"Yeah, yeah," he agreed, smiling slightly. "If you get infected, we'll get you cured before your daughter figures it out."

"We can cure that, but it may cause some health issues," Jack said. "And some self loathing at what it makes you do."

"He's too stubborn to give in to any worm's ideas," Steve told him. "He even out-stubborns me. If I find him being that weird I'll check him."

"Back of the neck or the stomach," Jack said. "A little tail sticking out of the back of the neck or an opening on the stomach."

Steve leaned over to look at Danny's neck, getting hit at instead. "Sorry, had to make sure."

"Shut up."

Jack smiled. "You guys remind me so much of my team when I was going out to save the universe. Only you don't have an anthropologist running at trouble."

Danny looked at him. "If you did more insane stuff than that guy," he said with a point at Steve. "You should probably get some help for that."

"Probably, yeah, but the president said there's no telling any shrinks." He grinned. "We just talk to each other. Like the kid does."

Steve nodded. "Yeah, there's not a lot of base shrinks who could handle possessions." He shifted in his seat. "Can we help in any other way, General?"

"Just help make the kid calm down and let go of the anger at being short again. David said he's still really, really mad about that."

"I would be too," Danny agreed. "Most people would be at being made a kid again."

Steve nodded. "My swearing would know no end."

"Ditto," Jack agreed. "David's good. He was one of mine. He's seen a lot of shit that even the kid would say was insane. Then he got hurt and retired to go to college."

Both of them nodded. "We can help him," Danny assured him. "Not a problem."

"Thanks, guys. Have a good rest of the night." He got up and took the folder with him. He got beamed back from a shadowy, unseen area.

Steve and Danny shared a look. "At least we have people who can handle the nuts things doing the creepy stuff," Danny decided.

Steve nodded. "General O'Neill isn't the guy to let something bad happen around him. Rumors state he was special forces too." He got up and they went back inside.

"Why are we wondering about that doc, Brah?" Kono asked.

"The stuff in that worm is classified," Steve said. "Highly classified." She nodded, accepting that. Chin nodded too and stuffed his mouth with cake.

"Apparently the kid knows more about some classified stuff than we thought, so the general had to let us know when we were getting close to it," Danny told them.

"The demon poker circuit in town has some intel that even the CIA can't get," Steve quipped.

"You have fun playing with them," Kono quipped. "They keep trying to grope me. I'd hate to have to take them out by ripping tentacles off them."

Chin smiled. "I cut one's tentacle that tried to grope my thigh. She pouted for hours."

Steve smiled. "They respect me for the asshole I am."

Danny snorted, hitting him on the arm. "Yeah. They probably run from the tattoos." He sat down to eat.

Steve sat down in his seat and got back to dinner. They could handle insane things.

***

Xander looked at his guardian a few weeks later, then sighed. David stared back. "Must we?"

"If you want to wear any clothes, you have to buy some, kiddo." He grinned. "Think about it like it's practical therapy. You can get over what those girls did to you."

Xander grimaced. "Not really."

"Yes, really. C'mon. It's painless. Gabriel Brothers is a cheap place that sells the end of season leftovers. So it's a cheap place to get you non-holed underwear and socks. Really." He pointed.

Xander looked around, trying to find any sort of salvation from this torture. Which he did see. He took off running, not pouncing the pregnant woman. "Hi, Miss Jolene." He grinned.

She stared down at him. "I've seen your picture, kid. Which one are you?"

"I'm Xander. Jake's my uncle." He grinned more brightly.

"That's why you look like you're nuts, doesn't it?" she shot back with a grin.

"You bet. My guardian is trying to make me *shop*. I'm not a girl."

She patted him on the head. "Everyone's gotta get clothes sometimes, kid." She smiled at the unamused older soldier coming her way. "I'm Jolene, Pooch's wife." She held out a hand.

"Pooch is part of Uncle Jake's unit," Xander said when David gave her a funny look.

"Oh!" He shook her hand with a smile. "I thought he was trying to adopt you and the kid for me to flirt with. He usually dates dangerous and deadly ones so I was worried."

She giggled, holding her pregnant stomach. "That could be. Jake told me about him." She ruffled Xander's hair. "Trying to make him shop?"

"His former friends screwed him up hard by making him their mule," David agreed. He stopped Xander from moving away from them. He looked over. "You look like Jake," he told the girl jogging toward them.

"That's because that's Beth, his niece," Jolene said. "Beth, this is Xander and his guardian David. Jake told you about them."

"He did. Hi, Cousin Xander." She hugged him.

Xander pulled back. "Only deadly chicks like me." The girl laughed but hugged him again, making him wiggle away. "Hugging isn't manly unless we're dating and we're cousins so we can't do that." David swatted him but Jolene, Beth, and Jake's sister Jennie laughed at that. "We are."

"We are, Xander," Jennie said with a smile. "What're you doing here today?" David pointed at the store. "We can go in there to look for sheets. We were going to hit the grocery store with Jolene but we can make sure things don't go that badly. Jake told us about your former friends being so evil to you about guy things." She rubbed over his hair too. "You need a trim."

"I'm fine," he pouted.

"He's fine," David agreed. "Until it starts to knot and he complains." The women smiled and went with him to help Xander with his practical therapy session. They managed to find the kid's section easily enough. Some nice, plain underwear was easy enough to grab. Some socks that Xander didn't make a face at. And then the power went out. David looked up. "Sure," he decided. "Ladies?" The emergency lights were on and they came closer, putting Jolene and Beth together in the center so they were better protected. David checked, he was almost totally unarmed. What a day for this to happen.

Xander stole David's phone to call 911. He kept from hitting the send button until someone's voice rang out. He hit send and let the phone hear what was going on. "Gabriel Brother's," he hissed into the phone. "Guys with shotguns." He hung up and hit the speed dial for another number because the guy was coming near them. The phone went back into David's jacket pocket with the intake speaker hanging out, getting a nod. Xander looked up at him. "I called Uncle Jack," he hissed.

David stared at the two guys with shotguns. "What do you think you're doing?" he demanded. "There are kids and women in here. How stupid are you!"

"Shut up! We're not here for you!" He looked at the women but Xander got in the guy's way when he reached for Jennie. "You, move, unless you want to die today."

"I dare you to try, mother fucker," he said, staring up at the guy. "You're not touching my cousin or my aunt or Auntie Jolene."

"You can't stop me," the guy said smugly, trying to punch him. Xander got him in the balls, making him scream as he went down. Others came over to help him.

Xander looked at them. "Go. Away," he growled.

"Aww, he's tough. We can take him so he can be trained properly." Xander snorted, shaking his head. "We have guns."

"Yeah," he snorted. "Yay."

"Xander," David warned. "Stand down. You're not an adult."

Xander shrugged. "Oh well. I'll make it to eight and they won't make it to their next birthdays." One of them tried to grab Beth so Xander bit him. "I said don't touch my cousin." He stared at him. "How dumb are you?"

"You're mouthy. We can train you better, boy," the guy said, grabbing him by the hair. Xander fought back and David got to punch someone. Jennie had a taser she got to finally use. The group went down. More rushed back but police were showing up. Xander kicked one on the knee then climbed up on a table to pounce the guy around the neck and bit him hard enough to draw blood. The guy screamed and beat at Xander to get him off him.

"Freeze!" an officer ordered.

"Xander, down," David ordered. "Back. Let the people handle it." Xander spit a few times on the guys but did let him go. "Jolene, can he use your water?"

"Sure," she agreed. "You don't know what sort of strange diseases they have," she complained. "They could give you all sorts of nasty things!"

Xander waved a hand but did rinse and spit onto the same guy. "I didn't swallow any." He looked up at the officer. "I only got one," he said with a point. "And the guy I bit."

"You're a kid," one of the officers snorted.

"And he tried to grab my cousin," he said with a point at Beth. "Be damned if I want something horrifying to happen to her." The officer flinched back.

"He's in my care, people," David said, holding up his ID. "I'm former military and his parents are dead. His former town was horrifying."

The officers nodded and hauled the people up to cuff them, walking them out. One of them stayed to yell at Xander but Xander yawned.

Until Jolene screamed and held her stomach.

Xander looked at her then at David. "We are never shopping again," he assured him. "I knew it was a curse. People, I think that means her baby's coming!" The officers got an ambulance for her and Xander went with her for now. David and the others drove off with David telling Jack to get her husband to the hospital.

***

Jack hung up. "People, get Pooch to the hospital. His wife just went into labor," he ordered. Clay nodded, walking Pooch off with the rest of his team. "Clay, have a talk with the kid later about how to handle a robbery. He bit someone."

"We'll remind the kid he's seven," Clay agreed as they walked off.

"Please. That way I can reinforce it later." He looked at the other soldiers in the team meeting. Who all grinned at him. "Seriously, the kid tried to kick asses. With his guardian, who was one of you, there. Plus two adult women and his cousin." He walked off rubbing his head while texting McGarrett. That way they could reinforce the yelling at the kid time.

The other soldiers got to pay off debts from their betting ring about when the kid would make O'Neill regret being an uncle.

***

Jake walked Pooch into Jolene's room, handing him over. "All yours." He picked Xander up. "We're going to go talk."

"I knew shopping led to evil," Xander complained. "I'm fine. I made sure they're all fine."

Jake looked at him. "What?"

"They were going to grab Bethie," he said, staring at his uncle. "I'll be damned if she gets hurt *that* way by anyone."

Jake hugged him. "I love you being my nephew. Thank you for protecting Jolene and Bethie." He walked him off. "Were you being subtle?"

"I don't say that word," Xander said. "Especially not around women and kids. She needs to be more delicate, like Danny's little girl does."

"True. That's a good reason." He cuddled him as they walked into the waiting room. "They tried to grab Beth."

His sister nodded. "The officers freed six other young girls, young teenage girls, that they had hostage." She looked at the kid. "They nearly took you too."

"I would've driven them fucking nuts," Xander quipped with a smirk. "Just like I do Clay and Roque. Only intentionally."

"They'd probably try to torture you into normality," Jennie said, staring him down.

Xander grinned. "By then I'd hope I'd be rescued. And if not, hell, I'll ask Spike to eat me or something." She shuddered, curling up in her chair.

Jensen hugged him again while looking at Clay. "I would've done the same thing by ripping off something."

"I'm not strong enough to do that yet," Xander admitted. "I need to lift weights. Or start building stuff again."

David stared at him. "You can start doing PT with me for punishment, kiddo." He looked so smug.

Xander shrugged. "I've done that before." David stared at him. "What?"

"You are seven," Clay noted calmly. "Not twenty-two. Not a hunter, but a seven-year-old kid. Can you maybe act like it before we all feel the need to remind you of that fact by beating you?"

Xander grimaced. "I wasn't going to let them take Bethie!"

"We agree with that," Roque said, staring him down. "But you're still a kid. You should've been protecting them from beside Beth, not in front of her."

"Guys like that don't like little boys unless we seem useful," Xander said, staring back. "They wanted her for multiple, bad, icky reasons. I'm not going to let any woman get that done to them."

"We agree with that part," Clay assured him. "The mouthing off...the biting thing...no."

"Not like I had a weapon," Xander complained. "David made me leave the pocket knife at home."

"Yeah, I did," David agreed. "You did good at first, Xander. You called for help. Though they probably ignored you until other people in the store called. You did good until you attacked. That's *my* job."

"You were handling your own," Xander complained.

"Uh-huh. I've faced down and shot some of the most horrifying things in this universe. Some militia people? Not anything to handle. I would've protected you, her, Jolene, and Jennie. That's *my* job. Until you're actually forced to, or you're at least old enough to date, you follow that order. Got it?"

Xander huffed but nodded. "Fine."

"Thank you! I have an ulcer that's your size of body bag, kiddo."

"They didn't want to kill me."

"They would've if you had kept up," he shot back. "They're like that. Like you said, they only like little boys who are *useful*. And you're too tough for them." Xander sighed but nodded, flopping down to curl up in the chair. "Also, I'm going to teach you how to do that correctly. Because your method sucked. It left too much to them getting angry. Trained soldiers wouldn't get mad, they would've just made sure you couldn't handle things." A nurse leaned in. "We're just talking about him mouthing off to someone trying to stick us up earlier," he said with a smile. "If I believed in spanking he'd be wailing by now."

She nodded. "Sometimes you have to correct the harmful behaviors." She smiled as she strolled off.

"You might keep the lady that smells like decomp away from Jolene." Cougar went after her to check on Jolene. The nurse was harassing someone else so he got another nurse to come stop her. The nurse got security to come get her while complaining they were already understaffed. Xander watched them grab her and walk her off. "You might see why she smells like decomp," he called. "One of my other uncles is an officer and he's smelled like that after a few dead body things."

The guard sniffed her then nodded. "That is the unique dead body smell," he agreed. "Thanks, kid."

Cougar came back shaking his head. Jolene was complaining loudly at Pooch about getting her pregnant. Jake went to check on them. "You enjoyed it until today," he quipped. "Except for maybe morning sickness. Why complain now?"

She threw her cup of ice chips at him. "You idiot man. Go away!"

"Sure. We got the bad nurse away from you." He went back to the waiting area. "She's in the yelling at Pooch for having a dick stage."

"If we hadn't been shopping, she probably wouldn't be doing this today," Xander quipped.

"Hate to tell ya, but we're going again later to pick up the socks and underwear you were getting earlier," David quipped. "You're already going commando. Not allowed."

"Sh...oot," Xander muttered. Beth was asleep in a corner. He knew not to swear in front of girls. David smirked at him for that near swearing. "What if they come back?"

"I'm armed better this time," David assured him. Jack stomped in and picked up Xander to walk off so they could talk. Jack's parental nagging was rusty from disuse but it was time to oil that machine again. David smirked as he waved at the kid's back. Jake swatted him but was laughing. "Better his throat getting sore from yelling than me," he said quietly. They heard Jolene yelling at Pooch again. "I know nothing about childbirth but she doesn't sound happy."

"We're brave guys, but not that brave," Clay assured him. He sent a text message to McGarrett's phone. That way it was enforced when he went back to Hawaii.

***

Danny Williams looked at the phone he was holding, opening the text message since he knew who that person was. He stared, rereading it a few times. "Yeah, sure, I can yell at the kid and reinforce that he doesn't do SEAL things yet," he muttered as he typed back that he'd tell Steve when he got off the stand and he was a good fatherly sort so he could easily reinforce that lesson. But if the kid had to, he could help save his little girl. Then he and Steve would save them both. "We really have got to talk to the kid about adult things versus Xander things." Steve came out looking displeased. He held up the original message. "I assured the nice Colonel that I would be yelling at him."

Steve took his phone to read, groaning. "Wonderful." They shared a look. "Don't tell Rachel. She'd be overkill with the nagging."

"If he needs to do it again, so be it. Especially if he's saving himself and other kids. But yeah, he's gotta learn how to do it better."

"I can work on that." He walked off texting that to Clay's phone. He paused then shook his head. "They'll never get him to shop for his own clothes again," he complained. "Pooch's wife went into labor just afterward."

Danny laughed as he caught up. "That figures. Because only that kid could have something like that happen together."

"Yeah. That kid's a bit weird about drawing problems." They went back to the office to deal with the present case. They'd talk about Xander when he was almost ready to come back for his six months on the islands.

***

Xander looked at Jolene and Pooch's son, waving a bit. "Hey, tiny loud thing. You good in there?" The baby grunted and shifted some, not looking happy. He didn't smell happy either. "You need a better bath before you draw something." Pooch swatted him. "He does." He looked up. "It's clear they only did the diaper wipe bath."

"We'll give him one in a bit," Pooch said. Xander was staring out the window but Pooch couldn't see anything. "Jake," he called. Xander waved a hand but was pulling something out from under his shirt. Jake leaned in and walked over when he saw what Xander was doing. He picked up the baby to sit beside Jolene and guard them.

Xander stared at the being he saw. "No. You can't have them."

"They're mine. You're all mine some day."

"I know that. I met you the night I stopped that bomb," he said in Latin. He was being more subtle now. "The baby's still not yours yet."

"He should be."

"Pooch, the baby's sick," Xander said. "Get him checked over."

"Yup. Nurse!" he called, heading for the desk. "The baby's sick. The kid with us somehow knows."

She snorted. "We can check him, sir." She came in and flinched at who Xander was staring at him. "Oh, no. We can't...."

"Shut up and check the baby," Xander said. "He's got time." The spirit of death was smirking at him. He caught his hand when he reached for the baby. "No. Some day he'll be my pack. No."

The nurse trembled. "We can't..."

"Just check the baby," Jake ordered. "Jack, we need a real doc," he called.

"Calling," Jack called from up the hallway.

The nurse checked. "He's got a heart murmur."

"Which is survivable," Xander noted calmly. He stared at the spirit. "See, I told you it wasn't his time yet."

"It'd be easier on him."

Xander shrugged. "Easy isn't always the best way. Easy is only the best way in math class."

"Point," the spirit said. "You are not one of mine."

Xander grinned. "I gave you plenty of work though," he said in Latin again. "When I was a hunter."

The spirit nodded. "I remember. Some day you'll be mine too."

"That's fine. If it's a good time to go so be it. Hopefully it'll be while saving others since I know some higher powers hate me."

"Not all, Xander Harris. Not all." He smirked. "I will let this one go. Another calls me here."

"Another infant?" he asked.

"No. One who's time has come fairly." He walked past them, smiling at the nurse as he went to the oncology ward.

Xander sighed and went limp, being caught by Pooch. "Damn it." He looked at his uncle. "The heart murmur?"

"We can treat it," he agreed. A woman in a doctor's coat ran in. "Xander stopped a spirit of death coming for the baby. The nurse said he's got a heart murmur, Doctor Lam."

"Oh, dear." She checked the baby over. "He does. That's easily treated and watched over." She looked at Xander, who was sweaty. "You good?"

"Tiny bit of shock. He remembered me and said that not every higher power hates me." He sat down, huffing at the baby. "Maybe you're the reason so many bad things happened today instead of the shopping."

Jolene hugged him. "It'll be okay, Xander. You can shop online tonight." He nodded, patting the baby. The baby grunted back, making sucking faces. "Let the doctors look you over then you can eat, son."

The nurse left to call down a specialist. She looked at him. "I saw that spirit again. The kid in there held him off."

"Maybe he'll be a doctor then. Most of the really good ones can see them." He went in there. He smiled at the older boy. "You know, you could be a doctor. Many of us have seen that same guy."

Xander stared at him. "I hate books. And I'm already learning field medic things. But I still hate books."

"That's fine. Maybe you can work on that as you get older." He took the baby with Doctor Lam across the room so they could check him over. "Very minor heart murmur. Easily treated."

"He's got a small hernia too," she said with a point. "An umbilical one."

"That's another problem and we'd probably have to do a bit of surgery but we can do that while watching over his heart. We need to do an ultrasound," he told the parents. Who nodded. "All right, let's get that done. Are you a local doctor?"

She smiled. "Cheyenne Mountain. The father and his team are ours."

"That's fine. Some of you are great doctors."

"I don't see too many babies but the Marines sure act like them sometimes," she quipped, making him smile and laugh.

"Hell, I'll run from you like I'm in the Olympics trying to beat a world record," Xander snorted.

"Yup, me too," Jake agreed. "She's got scary, big needles." The doctors walked out together with the baby. He took Xander to hug. "You did good, Xander," he said quietly. Xander cuddled back because he was falling asleep. "At least it wasn't the first time they met."

"I wondered what the Latin was for," Pooch said.

"The night he stopped that zombie guy, they met then."

"Makes sense," Pooch decided, cuddling Jolene. "The baby will be fine. The guy wasn't even trying too hard. Maybe he came to meet Xander."

She scowled but hugged him. Pooch was just going to have to get used to Xander being around. He'd be a good uncle, like those ones in Hawaii. She really needed to talk to them, make sure they were all on the same page about how to reraise that boy to be sane.

***

Danny looked at Steve's phone. Steve was getting stitches this time and wasn't allowed to answer his phone. He answered the unknown number. "McGarrett's phone. No, this isn't him, ma'am. He's getting stitches. If I may ask who you are?" He smiled. "I met your husband and his team. They seemed more sane than the kid does sometimes." He relaxed, listening to her talk about what they had found out recently and how they really had to make some raising decisions together with the boy's guardian. "Yeah, we heard about the hostage situation from Clay and then the general." Steve walked out. "It's Jolene, Pooch's wife. She wants us to conference about the kid's upbringing."

"The more sanity the better," Steve said, taking his phone. "Ma'am. Jolene then." He smiled. "We heard about the hostage situation. We're already talking about how to prevent the next one." She told him what else had happened that day and he winced. "That's...understandable but freak-worthy," he agreed. "Definitely. He and David will be out here in about another month or so. No, he switches houses every six months. Yes, that's how. We can definitely conference about that. The more united and stable it is, the better it'll be to calm him down.

"He did? I didn't know he was gathering a new pack to protect but that does make sense. We've introduced him to a few children. My partner's daughter and his cousin. No, not that way. In the police sense, Jolene." He smirked at Danny. "We can skype tonight if you want. That's not a problem. I have it on the office computer and the home computer. No, my whole team knows Xander and how cute he can be when he's trying to steal his grenades back." She spluttered.

"He really does love weapons, Jolene. That's something we should talk about, yes. Ask Pooch. They had him for over a week before we got there to talk about him. I'll call tonight. This number or another one?" He wrote the number on his discharge paperwork. "Got it. I'll call around dinner time. Thank you for doing the reasonable thing. Most of us aren't experienced parents outside Danny." Danny shot him a lower powered scowl. "We can both be there tonight. Not a problem. Have a good afternoon." He hung up and looked at his partner. "We're skyping her, the general, all the associated uncles tonight. That way we have a stable base of reasonable thought to bring him back to a normal state."

"That might help. He's doing what now with the others he knows?"

"He's making a pack he can protect."

Danny grinned. "That I might not mind. Gracie would but I wouldn't."

"He bit the hostage taker. Drew a lot of blood when he basically ripped the guy's throat out with his teeth."

"Yeah, we've gotta teach him better." He got up and walked out with Steve, going to the truck so they could go back to the office to tell the others about the upcoming call. Chin and Kono had some great ideas about the kid. They really did need to do more parental oversight sort of stuff with him.

The more of a village to help watch him, the more sane the kid will end up if it managed to make it back to adulthood.

***

A few months after Xander and David got back to Hawaii, Rachel was watching her daughter Grace play with the young little kid they watched over. She frowned, watching them chase each other around the yard. She decided to call her ex-husband about that. It was weird and she was a bit worried after hearing some of the problems he had gotten into in Colorado. She held up the phone so he could watch it.

Danny shook his head. "He's teaching her to get away from shitbags," Danny told her quietly. "I did the same thing with her when she was about Xander's age. It'll be helpful for her."

"Are you sure?"

"I am. We can talk to him later. He's making sure all the little kids around him are protected. He did the same thing to his cousin outta Jake's family and Jolene's new son. He all but scent marked him so he could find the kid if another emergency happened."

"All right. Should we talk to him about that?"

"He's still got all his adult memories, Rachel. He's doing what he can to protect the vulnerable ones."

"I guess that's fine then. He won't promote violence to her?"

"No. He'll only teach her to protect herself. But I'll talk to him later about being more subtle. Before he teaches her how to use a knife to defend herself." She smiled and nodded. "I'll get on that tonight." He looked behind him. "That's Steve about to blow something up." He hung up and ran off to help his teammates.

Rachel sighed, putting her phone back into her purse. The kids came up happy and panting. "Grace, go ahead and get some drinks." She smiled at Xander once her daughter was out of hearing. "Do not endanger her," she warned quietly, staring him down.

"I never would. I'm making sure if another thing comes near me, she's safe."

"Good. I like that but normal parents worry, Xander."

"You keep sounding more and more like Giles when he tried to remind me I was normal and therefore inferior," he said bluntly, walking off. Grace and he went up to watch a movie. Thankfully she liked non-Disney movies at her age so he didn't have to sit through another girly movie for a while. And David was coming soon. Grace cuddled him and he let her because she was tired and she wasn't *too* bad. He heard Rachel complaining and sighed, looking at the girl next to him, who shrugged.

"They did that when they were divorcing too. A lot of fighting they didn't think I heard," Grace told him.

"I can go fix that." She snorted but he got free of her and went down the stairs, staring from the end of the stairs. "You're going to trigger your daughter's minor PTSD about all the fights you and her father used to share," he said bluntly. "Did you mean to make your daughter have a flashback?" Rachel gasped, shaking her head. He nodded. "Also, are you pregnant, ma'am? You're having mood swings." She held her stomach, eyes wide. "Sunnydale was the homeland of teen pregnancies because our life expectancy was about twenty-three," he finished dryly. "We had more than a few in the school." He went back upstairs.

Stan looked at his wife. "That is a good point, you are having some mood swings, Rachel. Perhaps you should get that checked out?"

She nodded. "I was planning on doing that on Monday, when she was back in school." He smiled and hugged her. "He's a bit mouthy."

"You yelling could be a problem for Grace," he reminded her. "She was old enough to remember all the fights you and her father got into." She slumped but stomped off. When David got there, Stan went up to get Xander, nodding at him. "David's here, Xander," he said quietly. He nodded, pausing the movie and wiggling free of the sleeping Grace. He looked down at her. "I realize you'll protect her but try to be easier on her mother," he said quietly, staring at the little boy. "She's a bit panicky at the moment about her safety. Especially with all that her father does at his job."

"I've seen that." He grinned. "I'd never let her get hurt."

"Good boy." He patted him on the shoulder. "Don't encourage her to date either. Her father will have a huge fit."

"Girls are icky," Xander said. "I'm not talking to her about that stuff. That's a mom's job."

"Good." He smiled and let him run down to escape with his guardian. Stan went to check on Rachel, who was resting as well. They could handle the unusual young one.

***

Xander was listening to people scream about things and sighed, rubbing his forehead. David was glaring down at him. He looked up. "I'm going to start a cult," he said bluntly. "And make yelling a forbidden thing." He looked at the yelling adults, and one crying daughter. "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" he bellowed. "Goddess be damned, people! For people who are *supposed* to care about your daughter, you're making her sob like a teenage girl instead!" He pointed and Danny spotted his little girl crying, moving to pick her up to cuddle her. He walked off talking to her. Xander rubbed his head again.

"Thank you for the lack of headache level noise as well." He blinked up at Stan and Rachel. "How about this, someone totally outside both families raises her so she's normal, smart, caring, and doesn't have to be in the middle of the shitty parent arguments." He stared at her. "She's not a prize in a contest. You don't get more points for having her. You don't get to do more than claim her on your taxes by having custody of her. Is it so damn wrong that her *other* grandparents would like to see her?"

"We've had plans for months," she said, glaring at him. "You're mouthy."

"You're bitchy," he shot back. "And you made the plans to intentionally hurt Danny and you *know* you did. You admitted it while yelling at him over stupid shit." She huffed off. He waved at her back. "You're worse at than my drunk bitch of a mother. At least she didn't *pretend* to give a damn." He glared at Stan. "Be a father," he growled. "It might help if she had a steady parenting influence. Unless you want her to end up like Willow?" Stan slumped but followed to find Danny and their shared daughter. He looked up at Steve, who was scowling. "How do you put up with that?"

"I calm him down after she does it to him," he admitted. "Again."

"Well, maybe the new one will help ease some of that," Xander quipped. He walked off shaking his head, going to climb a tree up the road a bit. It was safe enough here and he was out of range of screaming women. He whistled when he saw Grace starting to run away, waving her up. She climbed up next to him and he let her hug him and cry on him. "What do you want to do, kiddo?"

"I want to see both grandparents." She sniffled, looking at him. "How do we do that?"

"I'd say a layover but that won't be for as long in New Jersey." She nodded, sniffling and cuddling him. "I don't mind being the comforting one but I'm not a teddy bear, Grace." She laughed, letting him go some. He patted her back, calming her down. He spotted it when David spotted him but he just nodded and went back around the house. "We're cool for now. They'll stop the search party."

"Danno will be really mad," she said quietly.

"Yeah, but not at you."

"I ran."

"Not really. You're up a tree and David knows where we are. He just looked and spotted us. You're fine, kiddo." She looked at him. "You are."

"I'm older."

"Only technically," he joked.

"Mom told me. Is it weird?"

"Very." He heard Rachel yell again. He patted himself down then her. She had her phone on her. "We can sneak somewhere safer and away from the screaming that's giving me a headache. Your mom's really shrill." She nodded. He texted Steve's phone number and handed her back the phone, then got them down and across the street.

They could take a city bus, it wasn't that far to walk. Grace laughed, because she had never done this before. The bus driver gave them odd looks but it was fine and they paid the fares quickly then sat down. Xander got them changed to the next bus and then to the warehouse with a stop for sugary goodness and drinks they weren't supposed to have. They settled in his warehouse to look at comics and eat some of his stash of snack cakes for dinner.

***

At the house, Steve looked at his phone, showing it to David, who just nodded he could follow them. Steve watched round two going on and decided it was better if Gracie didn't have to hear this round of argument. He showed Stan subtly, getting a nod. The kids would be fine together and David was sneaking off to watch over them. When he got a text from David saying the kids had taken the bus, Steve smiled, showing Stan. "He's teaching her some skills," he said quietly.

"It's good for her," Stan agreed just as quietly. Danny looked over. "The kids snuck off a bit ago. David's found them."

"Beyond the tree Xander likes to climb to get away from big things?" Danny asked.

"They're heading for the warehouse," Steve said. "Xander got them on a bus and there. David followed."

"It's good she's leaning how in case she needs ta," Danny decided. "Most kids near public transport can use it easily enough. It's a good life lesson and I know Xander won't let her get hurt."

"He's *seven*!" Rachel complained. "What would he do if they're attacked?"

"Last time he bit the living shit outta one of 'em," Danny told her. "They were trying to grab young teen girls from where David was making him shop so he protected his cousin." She gaped, staring at him in horrified awe. "Since then we've pointed out a few more safe ways of defending himself and others. That biting could be dangerous." He looked up then at Steve. "You went over that, right?"

"We all went over that and I've been working on his self defense skills with David this last week," he agreed. Rachel blinked at him. "People who want little kids won't stop if they just kick and scream, Rachel. I've been teaching Grace some too on the weekends Danny has her just in case the unthinkable happens and that softball coach she almost signed up under gets her." He took a drink of his water.

"He's on a watch list, I made sure," Danny told them. He looked at his ex-wife again. "All girls should have self defense in case some boy gets handsy and she doesn't want it that way," he told her when she started to get huffy again. "She shouldn't *ever* have to wait to be saved from something like a boy pinching her against her will. You wouldn't."

"She's nine!"

"Yeah, and two of her best friends were bra shopping the other day," Danny shot back. "Because they needed to. For that matter, she could probably go in about another year. She's in that same growth spurt all the sisters went through right before Mom got teary eyed and they got bras."

She scowled. "She isn't there yet. I should know, I'm the one that takes her shopping!"

"I offered," Danny said patiently. "She's decided that boys don't know what cute clothes are."

"Xander's so traumatized by his friends making him their approval committee he had a panic attack at a mall so he's no help there," Steve said.

"He had a what?" Rachel demanded. "I've seen him shopping."

"No, you saw him looking at catalogs," Danny said. "He'll only order online. The last time they went to Gabriel Brothers for socks, underwear, that stuff, a militia rolled in to capture young women for their camp. Then Jolene went into labor." Steve shook his head quickly. "We're not getting him near a store anytime in the near future."

"That's dumb," she said. "It's just him being a boy."

"No. He had a full blown panic attack at the mall. His former friends were that way. Then again they kept telling him he was normal too." He shook his head quickly. "Glad they're not going to come out here." Steve snorted but it sounded amused. He looked back at him. "Nothing on that end, right?"

"Not that I've heard. I've made contact with our local underground for that problem and they said they hadn't heard anything either. They were watching the kid for strange things and betting on him. He had won someone a ton of cats for the store thing."

"At least he managed to save Jolene's son," Danny said, looking at his ex-wife. Stan looked so confused. "A spirit came for it after it was born because the baby had a heart murmur. Xander kept it from touching the baby." Stan just nodded once at that. "Then he kinda passed out." He looked at Rachel again. "He's not teaching her anything about that. The boy's probably introduced her to ho-hos and twinkies and they're reading his comics collection."

"Probably," Steve agreed. "David will make sure they're safe so you guys can finish that argument without making Grace cry some more."

"She's my daughter," Rachel complained.

"Our," Danny reminded her, glaring at her. "Our daughter, Rachel. Unless you fucked around on me?" She glared back. "Then she's just as much my kid and has just as much right and responsibility to see her other grandparents sometimes. Beyond that, your parents will probably enforce the snotty attitude she's been growing from some of her friends recently. Thankfully we got most of that stopped."

Stan cleared his throat. "Thank you for that. I had no idea why she suddenly turned that way."

"A friend at school. We had a talk about how bitter that kid must be and how nasty she was to others, which was not a trait of either of her groups of relatives. She decided she didn't want to mimic the little one that needs a new family anymore." He looked at his ex-wife again.

"Girls go through those stages."

"Not all of them," he told her. "My sisters didn't. If they were that snotty my mother would've beaten it out of them. Then again, Grace is being raised to be socially responsible and ethically responsible. Which I do approve of. You've done a good job with that." Rachel snorted again and huffed as she sat down. "I don't rightly care that you're taking her for a *visit* with your family, Rachel. I care that you didn't tell me. I care that you disregarded a request from her other family to see her as well, which could've easily been a layover for a few days. I care that you made our little girl sob like she was broken hearted. I care that you're going to be taking her for a month."

"It's a long trip," she complained.

"All the more reason to have a few days of layover in Jersey."

Stan nodded. "That's not unreasonable. It'd probably be easiest done on the way back. We have to layover in New York overnight anyway. I can change it so we spend a three day weekend with her grandparents instead. We can go to a hotel and let them have full visitation," he told Rachel. "That way we get to defrag after the trip, dear. You can go to the spa and all that."

"She enjoys going with me."

"She'll be coming back and have to start school again," Danny said. "Take her that weekend after her first few days back. Those are always tiring."

She swallowed, taking the bottle of water Steve handed her. "Thank you," she said quietly. She looked at Stan. "I suppose," she said in that prim, icy British accent of hers. "That it's not a bad idea but I don't want to hear any fussing."

Danny stared down at her. "I could complain that you're taking her out of the country," he pointed out. "For a month. Thereby cutting my visitation completely." She slumped. "I'm willing to let my parents and family have it for me that long weekend because I know my mom'll be over the moon and my sisters will be spoiling aunts in the extreme." He looked at Stan.

"That's reasonable to us, Danny. Thank you for not thinking we'd keep her over there."

"Oh, no, that comes to be? We'll fix that," he assured him, giving him a pointed look.

Steve nodded to back Danny up. "We would help him fix that situation. That would be kidnaping basically." Rachel winced but drank her water. "He has given up nearly everything in his life to be with his daughter part of the time, Rachel," he reminded her.

"I know. It's not fair but I know." She sighed, looking at her present husband then her ex-husband. "Fine. We can do a long layover in New Jersey so your parents and many siblings can fuss over her. We'll arrange it tonight and let your mother know." Danny smiled and relaxed. "She can tell them what fun she had with my parents. Who will probably take her to museums and the like."

"Probably," Danny agreed. "She should see if she can write reports on them for class or something."

"That's actually a good thing," Stan agreed. "Her social studies grade is a bit low this semester."

Rachel nodded. "It is. I could see her doing that. Thank you for being reasonable."

"I could say the same thing," he told her. "By the way, congratulations on the new one." She winced. He grinned. "I'm happy you're happy, Rachel. The new one will be just as safe around us."

"Thank you," she said quietly. "I've got an appointment in a few days to make sure I am."

Danny waved a hand. "You are. You had the same mood swings when you had Gracie."

"Xander told her the same thing," Stan quipped, walking off to get more water to drink.

"Yeah, his town had some higher pregnancy rates," Steve said. "And a low life expectancy, which probably explains why the other was so high."

"Why?" Rachel asked.

"Lots and lots of problems."

"I looked that town up. Whoever made up those cover-ups was a moron," she said. "There's not that much PCP in the universe."

"No, there's beings who nibble though. Which the kid used to fight," Danny said. "Which is how he'd protect Gracie even if some scuzzy thing came up to them on the street."

"As long as he doesn't teach her how to do that," Rachel said firmly.

"Nah. Self defense only. He agreed she could use it. Said she was pretty and boys were shitbags." He grinned. "Which I agreed with. Teenage boys are often shitbags with ideas they shouldn't have."

She shook her head. "Some day she'll have boyfriends."

"That's fine. They'll be able to hear the word 'not going to happen' and learn to appreciate it until she changes her mind. Because my little girl won't be an easy cheerleader sort."

"No, I'd rather she not," she agreed. She sipped her water. "We'll have to talk to her about that soon."

"Already got one out," Danny said with a grin. "She agreed, boys were still icky for a few years and when she was ready to date, I'd get to do background checks to make sure they weren't into bad boy things like drugs."

She nodded. "I'd expect nothing less from you." She got up and walked off. "Tell them to come back." Steve texted David, who sent back a picture. He nudged Danny to show him. Danny moaned. Rachel stopped to stare at him. Steve let her see the picture. "What is that? Is that a tiger?"

"It's a demonic hunting cat. They belong and are bonded to some types of hunters of huge problems," Steve said. "I'm hoping that means that one's owner or whatever they're called handled whatever problem it was already." He sent back a message to ask about that. One came back. "Oh, an unbonded one. It was sad and came to get petted by Grace, who was sad." Rachel slumped, walking off shaking her head. "She's a good girl."

"She is," Danny agreed. "I'm happy that she is." They shared a look and Steve saved down the picture. David said they'd be coming back soon. "He's bringing them back through a burger place?"

"To soak up the sugar they inhaled. They got donuts on the way to the warehouse and ate most of a box of ho-hos and a few twinkies together," Steve reported, putting his phone up. Rachel came out. "David's getting them burgers on the way back here to soak up some of the sugar since Xander fed her chocolate. He says it's what girls need when they're having moods."

She rolled her eyes. "Only younger ones. The older ones drink wine," she said dryly. Stan hugged her, making her smile at him.

Steve and Danny shared a look, going to sit down and watch the waves for a bit so the couple had some privacy. Not that they thought Stan was the sort to pounce in a kitchen, but you never knew about pregnant women.

***

David put up his phone and looked at the staring cat. "They knew I was here." Xander nodded, petting the purring thing. Grace was giggling as she petted them. "I promised Steve I'd get you guys burgers on the way back to Steve's house. The fight's done with." Grace looked up at him. "I have no idea how it got worked out. Just that it's not going on again." She nodded, going back to petting it. "I don't think it'll fit in the car with us, Grace."

"It's fine," Xander said. "There's got to be a clan member somewhere nearby." One faded out of the shadows. "See?" He grinned at him. "She was sad."

"I saw. It's fine. You both take good care of her." He looked at the cat. "We have meat for you if you want." It nudged Grace with her nose and she went back to petting her. "She's a human," he reminded the cat patiently.

Xander grinned. "She's a girl," he told the cat. "They have all sorts of hair things and ways to dress you up." The cat shrank and climbed up Grace to snuggle on her shoulder. The demon stared at the cat then at Xander, who shrugged. "Will it hurt anything?"

"They're not bonding, so I don't think so. I'm sure it'll be fine for a bit. That one is too young to bond by about ten years." Grace gave him an awed look. "It's a big responsibility."

"You'd have to get vets certificates to take him to London with you," David said. The cat yawned and batted at him but snuggled in. He looked at the demon. "Would that be a problem?"

"No. Not in the least. Many have traveled to find their true bondmate. I will tell her mother so she does not worry." He smiled at Grace. "If you have questions, we can be found online. The one beside you knows of us."

Xander nodded. "I asked if Willow could adopt a kitty once because she needed something to love and care for so she'd quit momming me."

The demon laughed. "We had heard. Pity she did not get accepted."

"Her mother would've thrown a fit. Willow talked about getting a gerbil and her mother had a huge fit about them not being there to take care of it. Willow pointed out if she was responsible enough to take care of herself she could take care of a gerbil. Her mother scoffed and they left again the next day. Thankfully her mother never met Amy the rat."

"That one is thankfully changed back," the demon agreed. Xander grinned at him. "I know of why."

"Us too. Thank you and tell her mother she'll be very safe. Her mother's pregnant so fussing over things but Grace is *very* responsible, more so than her mom is. If not, it can come hang out at my house to be petted if it wants."

"I shall." He petted the cat. "Come home if you want and when you're ready." He disappeared again.

David looked then nodded. "That'll work. C'mon, kids. Let's go get a burger to soak up all the chocolate and sugar, then we'll go back to Steve's house." They nodded, cleaning up the small mess of wrappers and comic books were put back then they trooped out to the car to go back. He paused Grace beside the car. "If you need to run away, you come to the house, kid. You're gonna be safe there. You might not be in a mall." She nodded, cuddling her new cat. He got her in and let her buckle herself in. Xander still had to have a booster seat in this state. David got in to drive. It had been a long, interesting day.

***

Danny stared at his daughter's 'cat', feeling something funny from it. Especially since it was giving him an amused look. He leaned down to get close to it. "If you're not harmful I don't care but you protect my baby girl like I would," he said quietly, staring it down. "Or I'm letting the boy have you for weeks." The cat licked her paw then settled in to nap. "Good. I'm glad we could agree." He walked out, going downstairs. They were at Steve's house, still, because Grace had fallen asleep there. Rachel and Stan had went home but Steve had let Grace sleep over. Steve was giving him an amused look. "I was right, the cat's not normal." Xander shook his head. "Peaceful?"

"Very. Usually they're bonded to warriors but that one just liked her a lot."

"So are we cat sitting while she's in England?" Danny guessed.

"No, she can travel with it," David said smugly. "Just need a vet's orders." Danny nodded once. "It was comforting and the ones that they usually bond to said it was fine if he wanted to protect her for a bit."

"Then I got no problem with her having a cat. Even if Rachel does complain a lot." Xander covered his mouth. Danny stared at him. "Didn't help when I was married to her, kid. Nothing stops the complaining when she's in a mood." David walked off giggling to go to the bathroom. He stared at the kid. "She safe?"

"Of course!"

"Good. Good job letting us know you had 'er. Good job keeping us informed."

"We saw David spot us. Or I did anyway. She was crying on me."

Danny nodded. "That shit sucks to be stuck in the middle of," he agreed. "And hey, she did learn something useful today."

"I kept her out of the weapons. We only read comics and I fed her universal girl food."

"That works. You did good helping her, Xander. I'm happy with that. Nice job telling Steve too, that way it wouldn't make her mother freak."

"I figured."

"Good, tactical thought," David agreed as he came out wiping his hands off on his shirt. Steve looked at him. "Out of paper towels but we're guys. I have a t-shirt." Steve smiled but got some more. "C'mon, not-a-kid. We'll go home. Let them do partner things."

"Not into that," Danny shot back but he was smiling.

"You sure?" Xander asked.

"Yeah, totally. He's got no boobs. Breasts are a requirement in my life."

"If you're sure." He stood up, helped up by David. "We're good, David."

"Fine. You're still tired. You were trying to hide yawns. Remember, they're getting the education stuff set up tomorrow so you'll never have time to be bored again."

"Yay," Xander said sarcastically. "More stuff I'll suck at." David swatted him gently but they went home to leave the partners to talk.

Danny looked at Steve. "Grace really is the best of you and Rachel, and very strong," Steve told him.

"Yeah but watching the fighting is destroying."

"I know. You're doing good helping her."

"Thanks." The cat came down the stairs and trotted outside to use a bush then back upstairs. "That's good, thank you. We'll set up the litter box stuff once she's home. She knows what it is, Stan got her a bunny and they use it too."

Steve was shaking his head but he was definitely amused. If the cat hadn't been mystical, Danny probably would've thrown a fit. Rachel had when the cat unshrank for a minute to sniff her and Stan then went back to kitten sized on her human pet's lap. Thankfully Xander could tell her how protective the cat was of kids. So it was all right now.

For now.

***

Xander looked at his school program then at David. "Why is this shit in math?"

"Because McKay picked it out," David quipped. He came over to look over his kid's shoulder, frowning. "That's calculus. Why are you doing that?" Xander shrugged. "Did you take some sort of placement test?"

"No. I opened it and it was here."

"Let me call Jack," he said. He called him. "For some reason the kid's educational stuff showed up as calculus." He listened to Jack ask someone. "Oh. That. He said it was set so you had to learn something new."

Xander looked at him. "Unfortunately, I flunked algebra and the town only offered to there," he said dryly. "Sunnydale wasn't that good educationally."

David repeated that, making Jack complain about his old school system. "Then look it up, General." He waited while they looked it up. "Yeah, and he wasn't the best student because he does hands-on things better, sir." Jack talked to someone. "Please do, sir. He's not that witch, he's a guy who does things with his hands, like some of us were. Outside you and Sheppard, who has a math degree." He hung up. "He'll be resetting it."

"That might help since I'm not that sort of brainy smurf. Neither was Willow. Calculus wasn't offered. Or at the local college."

"That's stupid, it should've been offered at the college."

"We had a major in tv and movie education," Xander said dryly. "And one in surfing. And we didn't have a surfing beach nearby."

David walked off shaking his head. "At least your town's sunk now."

"Thankfully," Xander agreed dryly. "Now the nibbling ones are out and about to find a new homeland." David shuddered. "Only a few are coming here. It's way too bright."

David looked up. "Thanks, whichever Ancient you are up there."

Xander looked up then at him. "One of these days they're going to answer you back."

"At least I know how to handle egotistical higher ups," David joked.

Xander looked at the being fading in, grinning at her. "Hey, Precious."

She snorted, shaking her head. "Not even close, Xander Harris."

"Say my name, baby. Watch more show up to bow at me. I'm going to start a cult soon."

She stared at him. "Wow. Call your pack, little Xander." He groaned. "She's fine but there's a hell coming later today for her dad." She sighed. "He'll be fine too."

Xander nodded. "We can warn them."

"Won't help and might make it worse."

Xander nodded. "If something does, I'll gladly hover over her."

"Yeah, she's got some bullies."

"They're idiots," Xander agreed. "We can talk to her later."

"Your pack is pretty strong," she told him, giving him a pointed look. "And you're in the wrong area."

"Are they coming after Little Pooch again?"

"No. The Shadow of Death is gone from him." She leaned down. "If you start a cult, it'll be a bad thing."

He kissed her on the nose with a grin. "We'll see. Not like they see the real me anyway."

"They did this time."

"Well, the world will need more warriors someday. After all, how many more potentials are there?" he shot back. "The vision said there's only about fifty left." She winced. "And I'm not about to let the world fall to that sort."

"They're slowing down the line since they're living longer."

"Because the girls got real help and support."

"They saw. They said it involves others."

"The vampires involved me by taking Jesse," he shot back. "Plenty have already been involved. We're going to do it anyway."

"Point. Fine. Just don't start a cult."

"Yup, if you're sure." He smiled a good boy grin. "We'll see what happens when I'm older."

"Someone's going to get you for the weapons if you try. They've already said that."

"I'm a kid. What're they going to do about me inheriting weapons?" He smiled. "And half of the things in that warehouse aren't weapons."

"They won't care."

Xander rolled his eyes. "Thanks for telling me I need to use an owed wish." She flinched but disappeared. Xander sent a text message to someone he knew from David's phone. They agreed they could protect things and move it somewhere closer and safer later today. And he said thank you for the warning that shit was going to get stupid later. Xander handed the phone back and restarted the educational program. "Great, now it's in science that I never will understand." He sighed and restarted it again, but signed in with a different name. "There, now I can take the placement tests." He did that, scowling at most of it. "Hey, I made it out of middle school," he said happily. "I knew the school sucked ass."

David laughed. "Remember to call Grace."

"She can't use her phone in school." He used David's phone to send a text message to Stan, Grace's stepfather. He could help and Stan agreed if higher beings were worried about her dealing with bullies then he should probably ask her about them later. Xander sent back a thank you and got back to his daily dose of educational torture.

David made notes for Jack and Steve later on. That way the 'parental' ones could talk. Then Xander got that look on his face, he was having a vision. With a headache since he was rubbing his forehead. "Kiddo?" he asked quietly. "You good?"

Xander held up a hand until it stopped. He took David's phone again, calling Stan this time. "Get Grace out of that school before the asshole bully's parent runs through the school in his SUV because he's a drunk, bitter, weakling asshole who thinks his kid is an angel but the principal told him he's not. Her classroom is right above the office, Stan." Stan hung up and hopefully was calling someone. He called Danny. "Would you rather deal with the thing that's going to be bad news or the guy that's going to try to slam his SUV into your daughter's school?" Danny spluttered but demanded to know what he meant by that. Xander described the full vision and that he had told Stan. Danny promised he'd talk to Stan and then go get Grace if he had to. They could send someone to watch the school for the next few hours. Xander hung up and put his head on the table, shaking it. "Steve's going to get captured soon and tortured again," he muttered. "This is going to suck huge."

David took his phone, calling the pretty one he'd love to flirt with. "Kono, it's David. Xander's had a vision earlier about Grace's school and just muttered that Steve is going to be captured and tortured again." Xander blinked at him. "Full on in the vision?" Xander nodded. "Because Danny wasn't there?" Xander nodded again. "Yeah, because he told him about Grace's school being driven into. Yeah, that reason. I'm sure you're just as good as both of them together," he quipped with a smile. "So you can stop the other bad one, and then talk Xander out of starting a cult of hunters since the higher beings are taking out part of the slayer line in the future."

"And someone who wants to stop that is who's going to go after the weapons warehouse," Xander said dryly. He got up to get something to drink.

"You can have advil or tylenol, Xander."

"Not like it'll help. It hasn't yet." He sat down and then went to lay on the couch for a bit.

"Yeah, full on vision. Started with a parent driving through Grace's school because he just *knows* his kid isn't the bully the principal accused him of being. He told Danny and Stan that one. Then he got something else that said Steve would be tortured. Thanks. Yeah, he's got a headache. He said tylenol won't help. Thank you, Kono. Let us know if we can help. Xander can be babysat for a few hours while I come help. I am used to the insane battles in the universe." He smiled. "When the program gets unclassified *everyone's* going to be screaming in horrified awe," he assured her smugly. "Thanks." He hung up. "Any other revelations?"

"Yeah. There's hackers who Jensen ran into to block them from blowing open the program. He reported them but there's some good ones still out there that want to make the program ejaculate all over the news."

"Is that the word you really wanted to use?" he asked, dialing Jensen's phone.

"Yup."

"Okay." He listened to Jensen complain. "The kid said that the hackers you stopped aren't the only one and they're going to, and I quote, ejaculate all over the news about the program." He listened to Jensen telling the general there, Landry, that. Landry complained about that phrase but Jensen reminded him he had turned in six hacking attempts he had ended in the last three weeks. The general agreed that was a problem and they'd look at it after that team got back from their mission. Jensen suggested that someone should look before then since one was a kid who was still trying. "You should ask to get Kusangi and McKay back for a few days. They made the system," David told him. Jensen repeated that.

"The teenager that's hacking the program is around here," Xander called. He waved a hand. "I heard the kids at the mall talking about it."

"Xander said he heard some kids at a mall talking about it when he was sneaking into one to get a donut. Because that's the only time the kid will go into a mall on his own," he said blandly. "He's still having horrified reactions at shopping, Jensen. Yeah. That reaction. No, we had a visit by an ascended woman."

"My ex," Xander called.

"Who Xander used to date," David quipped. "Yes, that one. Then he had a vision. Which he told people about. Now he's resting on the couch. All right, call when you get back and be safe."

"Landry's a huge, leaking dick," Xander said, rubbing his forehead again. "Tell him to take extra bullets. Those aren't friends. They don't want to be friends. They wanted to capture some of the others and they won't be impressed about soldiers. And if I get another goddess damned vision, I'm coming up there!" he shouted. "Stop it!" The pain made him pass out but the vision didn't come back.

"And that was him swearing at higher powers right before he passed out," David reported, moving to check on Xander's pulse. "He's just out, Jake. Yup, take extra bullets. That's what he said. Have fun with it too," he said dryly. "Those ones often will take sexual sacrifices instead but don't quote me on that. It's an open secret and Landry's not thrilled with those sort. Yup, be safe, dude." He hung up and got Xander an ice pack for his head and a bottle of water for when he woke up. The doctor appeared and he waved. "At least two visions, Doc."

"I heard. Jake him his phone on speaker and the general is growling."

David shrugged. "Not my fault half the universe is missing out on genetic diversity so they need some. There's a few planets that we know are inbred and will take any outside sperm that comes their way."

"I remember those reports. This one isn't one of those." She grimaced.

Xander blinked at her. "The general hates anyone not like him and I hate to tell him this but his asshole sucking needs to stop around my uncle." She glared. He stared back. "I don't care. I know one of the hackers locally. I introduced myself because he's a half demon. He knew who I was." He grinned. "The general tried to stop supplies from getting to the city."

"Damn it," she muttered. "How did they know?"

"They have *all* the records. From *all* the agencies that have stolen them." He grinned. "Someone really should go remind them that certain portions of humanity will freak out and threaten everyone even more. Before Steve has to run a SEAL style raid. Again."

"I'll let O'Neill know when I get back to base." She took David's phone to call him while she checked Xander over. "Just a headache?" Xander nodded. "Migraine?"

"No clue. Never had those before this. It starts with a brain ripping feeling and eases down to 'oooh, I ripped a muscle' pain. I hope it ends in a few hours like usual."

"That can't be good, kiddo." She scanned his brain, frowning at the readings. "Take the blocking crystal off." He did that and he scanned him again. "No, still swelling. That's really not good."

"That's probably why Cordy's visions killed her," he said.

"It...killed her?" Doctor Lam asked. Xander nodded slightly. "Why?"

"Pain or something. All I know is that they killed her. You can see if she'll come down to talk to you."

"I'll talk to the LA people to see if they know why."

"Tell them to arm up for the invasion."

"Yeah, I can do that." She patted him. "I have something to help you nap." She gave him a shot and he drifted off. She went back to talking to the general about what the boy had heard. David pulled up information on what the kid had stored in his personal notes on the computer. O'Neill promised he'd be talking to those hackers himself and then to Landry. She handed the phone back and stood up. "He should nap for a few hours," she said quietly. "Just let him sleep it off. I'll see if I can get that young woman's medical records. Maybe there's a way to ease them." She went back to the base via the ship.

David smirked at the young kid. "Nice work, kiddo. Solved a lot of problems." He covered him and went to make lunch. He was getting hungry so Xander probably was.

***

O'Neill appeared in the office, looking at the two detectives. "People, is the SEAL here?"

"Danny's rescuing him from the people that captured him while we tell him where they are," Chin said. "He told us not to come help."

"That sucks," O'Neill said. "I can wait a few hours I guess."

"Problems?" Kono asked.

"Teenage hackers who're going to blow my project wide open. Which will cause everyone a lot more work when the riots start."

"Something evil?" she guessed, staring at him.

He grinned. "No, we've been fighting various forms of evil for years now, Detective." She winced. "And it's all Presidential Eyes Only." She winced again. "Xander apparently talked to one of them about not releasing everything yet when he was sneaking off for a donut."

"Great. You can tell the kid that the parental issue was solved by two cruisers that stopped the guy trying to ram the school," Chin told him. "The drunken excuse for a parent was arrested and dragged off. Thankfully his kid was drunk in the car with him so he probably won't remember his father being arrested. He got his son drunk for being expelled for bullying."

"Wonderful," Jack said dryly. Danny called in and Chin told him how to get into the building. Kono hacked into the nearby cameras for them. She took over guiding Danny in and apparently Danny had borrowed a few of Xander's grenades. Or Steve's stash of them. The explosions were handy and Steve got evacuated before the rest of the PD rushed in to arrest people for Danny. She reported the general was there about the hackers. Danny said something smart that the general couldn't hear. She rolled her eyes but they said they'd be in after Steve got dragged to the ER for stitches.

***

Jack got out of the car with Steve, straightening out his uniform jacket. He saw a few horrified looks from the apartment building and smiled at one. "I'm here to recruit our future hackers." That one ran off. He and Steve walked up together, Steve knocking on the door. An older woman opened the door. "Ma'am, I'm General O'Neill and I need to speak to Jackson."

"What did he do?" she demanded, looking at the other one.

"I only drove," Steve told her. "But he's hacking the military, ma'am." She winced.

Jack smiled. "He's good. We didn't realize it for six weeks. Unfortunately he got into some classified things. We need to make sure he's not going to talk about that until it becomes unclassified. I'm not here to be mean, to destroy things, nothing like that. Though if he's that good I might recruit him when he's old enough." He saw the kid leaning around a doorway. "It took Miko Kusangi six hours to find your doorway, kid."

"She's a goddess," he said quietly.

"Yeah, and she said you're good. But we've got to talk about what you found."

"You fight huge evil things," he defended.

"Yes, but think about what others will think when they find out," Steve told him. "How many are going to have fits?"

"Maybe they should know. It might ease up on the demon communities that might be coming out soon."

"Could be," Jack agreed. "Won't make anyone sleep any better at night." He walked in and pulled the kid out to talk to him with his guardian there. "You got a very biased view of things, Jackson. You only got about a fifth of things from those other agencies."

"That's why we went working. We thought it was a hidden program but it's not."

"No, it's not," Jack agreed, sitting down. "There's a lot of real soldiers out there getting hurt to protect everyone but a lot of humanity won't accept it yet."

"If they do it at the same time as demons come out, they won't kill us all," Jackson shot back.

"True," Jack agreed. "And that's a reason I can see. I can't let you put it out there, but I can try harder for things to be hidden about the demon communities. Would that help?"

Jackson shook his head. "A hacker doing this realm's greatest evil planners caught them planning an invasion of LA." His guardian moaned, shaking her head.

"Xander told us about that," Steve agreed.

"You know Xander?"

"I'm his local guardian. This is General O'Neill, his guardian when he's in Colorado." He smiled. "We know Xander, we talk to Xander, we help calm him down sometimes, and today he had visions." The kid winced, shaking his head with a sigh. "Between us and his other uncle, we about take his place in all those things. His other uncle helped Buffy when the town went down the portal."

"I ...we heard about that," he admitted. He looked at his guardian. "The White Knight, Grandma."

Jack nodded. "He's a good kid. A really neat kid. We really adore Xander and I'm hoping we make him a bit more normal of a guy. He's a bit hyper right now to fix things so he's not needed yet and to make sure the higher beings that did this won't use him as a betting board."

"Too late." Jackson grimaced. "He's already seen that way by most of them. They think he's fun."

"He's about ready to go after that sort," Steve said.

"If anyone could, he could," Jackson said with a grin. "He's known for it." He looked at O'Neill. "It could save a lot of lives."

"It could," he agreed. "And I'll take that consideration to the president. But if you or someone leaks it, that's spilling classified information."

"Snowden did."

"And he's hiding in Russia," Jack reminded him. "There were a lot of things wrong with what he did and how he did it. There were better ways of him to have spread that information without causing that much of a problem for himself. He didn't." He stared at the kid. "Spilling it soon won't stop anything. They'll come after the teams and then after your communities for being part of it. It's the wrong time."

"We were going to send it out at the same time as the LA invasion," Jackson admitted. "That way the freaking out would be together."

Jack considered it. "There's people who would send others to stop you."

"I saw about the IOA people," Jackson admitted. "I thought you might be with them. The files didn't come with pictures."

"Then you clearly didn't get fully into the NID files."

"No, that was another of us." He grinned. "She's hiding from them actually."

"Is she old enough to be recruited?" Jack asked casually.

"She's twelve."

"Then no. Probably not. We can use some good computer people so we might've taken her in for a year or so to protect her."

"Is she local?" Steve asked. Jackson nodded. He handed over his card. "You tell us if they show up. 5-0 isn't happy about those things and I personally hate NID more than I would the kraken that tried to eat me when I was surfing last time." The kid giggled but put it into his pocket. "Danny's daughter goes to a local prep school."

"We know. She's nice. We met her on purpose since you were dealing with demon things. That way we knew who to go see."

"Us," Steve agreed. "Not the kids unless you absolutely have to. Even Xander. He's seven and he forgets that now and then."

"I can do that." He looked at O'Neill. "It's not just us."

"I realize that. I'm telling you because we found you." He smiled slightly. "Miko was *very* impressed." He blushed, ducking his head. "So was Jake Jensen."

"He's my sort of guy," Jackson said with a sigh of hero worship.

"He's Xander's other uncle," Steve said dryly. The kid grinned, bouncing some. "If you come to me, I'm formerly Naval Intelligence. I have a high enough clearance to hand off sealed packages to the general."

Jackson got up and hurried off, coming back with his laptop and a portable drive, letting Jack see it. "We found this. That's what started us looking."

Jack took it to look over, frowning. "That's...not quite the Trust crap is it?" Jackson shook his head. "I think that's probably what Xander heard that makes him hate Landry too."

"Ditto," Jackson said. "And he hates demons too, sir."

Jack looked at him. "He's very uptight."

"And then some," Jackson agreed. He frowned, looking outside. "Did you bring backup?"

Steve looked. "Those are army, general." Jack took the drive with a wink, putting it into his pocket on his way out to talk to them. One of them fired on him so Steve went to help. "You two, go hide." They ran to hide in a panic room the kid had set up. They got the team down and injured so Steve called it in. He looked at his phone then called Chin directly. "I just got told that I was delusional and I hadn't taken out a military strike team here to hit a kid and his guardian for the kid hacking, Chin. Yes, there. Please. Thank you." He hung up. "I'll talk to the governor later."

"Will they come near Xander?"

"Not without Xander solving it somehow," he said. "How's Jake? Xander was worried earlier that Landry was sending them on a death trip."

"I hope not. If so I'll be rescuing them later." He looked at the house then at Steve. "Do you know anyone like them that's an adult?"

"I know someone who's very invested in paranoid conspiracies." He grinned. "I told him Xander's name and he had a squee fit about how they took down a military project."

"Yes, they did." Steve smirked at him. "Does he know about us?"

"You want me to ask?" Jack nodded. Steve called. "Jerry, McGarrett. I was asked by a General O'Neill to ask you if you were part of the hacking group that was trying his project." He listened to the panting rash of words. "I knew that already, Jerry. He showed up to talk to a kid hacking the other agencies that would have information." He nodded at the general. "Exactly. And now I was just told by Dispatch that we didn't take out an army unit here to take out the kid hacker. Yes, that one. Please, can you make sure he's safe? Thank you. Yeah, go ahead and call him. They're hiding." Two cruisers parked and officers got out. He put the phone against his shoulder. "We're here talking to a kid who hacked a classified program by accident, people."

"We heard, sir," one of them said. He looked at the general. "Theirs?"

"Air Force," Jack said with a smile. "The kid hacked my classified project. We're just talking about it today. He's too young to recruit full time."

Steve put the phone against his shoulder. "Jerry, the kid has a quandary about protecting others and the timing of when it comes out. Yes that group. I knew about that. That's my nephew Xander, Jerry. Didn't I introduce you two yet?" He grinned. "Later. He's got a headache today from visions. Thank you." He hung up and tucked the phone back into his pocket. "He'll put word out to protect these two, general. The same as they did the other kid that they tried to get, that girl he mentioned."

"Again?" Jack demanded. Steve nodded. "Any idea why?"

"You can borrow our rooms to ask them if you want."

"Yes, I think I do." He frowned at the people being arrested. "Get the kid to safety. I'll be talking to many people tonight I think." He followed. "I'm going to talk to them to see who sent them, boys. Someone's stupid up high and I'm not sure which one it is."

"Take the general and them back to our office," McGarrett ordered. "Let Kono help him." They nodded, doing that for him. He sent Kono a message then went back inside. "They're gone, Jackson," he called. He wrote down a number, handing it to the kid. "Jerry's number. I know you know about him, he knows you."

"Yeah, we know about him from the bulletin boards."

"You let him help you get safe. And next time, don't get caught hacking the government." He gave him a pointed look. "At least until you're old enough to be taken in by one of those projects and protected. Some of them are good and useful."

"I know. I realize that."

"Good." He patted him on the head. "Be safe and call if you're not. The general's going to find out who in the army sent those sort at you and your female friend. Be safe." He left, going back to the office.

"I told you to quit doing that," his grandmother complained. "You're going to get into trouble and a lot of those sort wouldn't care to kill you for it to hide the secrets."

"I know, Grandma, but it's too important."

"It won't be."

"It will be." He let her see something. "Even the top councils are saying it will be."

She read, frowning. "That's science fiction crap!" She swatted him on the head.

"That's what that general does." His grandmother groaned. "Yeah, exactly. Which could protect us all." He packed up things and got a neighbor to take him to meet with Jerry so he could protect his information. The others got called on the way and they agreed. Jerry agreed to meet them and he'd guard their information for now.

***

Jack looked at the screen. "Sir, I'm taking over my fellow guardian's office to talk to you," he said. "McGarrett was not amused when a general that's not even involved in my program sent military teams to stop some hackers trying to hack my program."

The president stared at him. "Seriously? It's that important?"

Jack smiled, nodding. "They have enough information to open the program completely and to get a few of the generals noted for treason as well. Including Landry." The president moaned. "Plus there's another complication. You know what my nephew used to do?"

"Yes, in blunt detail thanks to a program I hope like hell is closed."

"Half of them went to Homeland and the other went to the UN, and if I see them they're dead bodies," Jack said bluntly. "But a group of evil on that spectrum is going to have LA invaded in about a month." He waited while the president winced. "And the hackers were talking about outing my program at the same time to protect the peaceful among the demon communities as well as any peaceful aliens."

"So they were going to go 'look, this program knows and protects us all from the bad things'," the president said, staring at him. "And he probably expected your group to show up for the invasion."

"Yes, sir. That way it'd protect the demon communities from the same sort that'll want to take us out too."

"I can see that being tactical," the president said. He considered it for a moment. "It's not a bad idea. Did they hack your program directly?"

"NID, NSA, FBI, CIA, and Secret Service files on us. One of them was trying to get into our program but Miko's programs mostly kept them out. They got some odds and ends that Jake Jensen found and stopped. By the way, I'd like to be moved back to the Mountain."

"Hank Landry's not bad," the president said.

"Except for the fact that they found out he's part of a conspiracy to take out the project and a lot of others to take over. Including assassinating you after you helped by signing certain bills for them, sir." Jack stared at him. Then he sent over a few files he had printed off that drive. "I believe your secretary has the notes the kids made."

"Children?" he demanded.

"Young teens mostly, sir." He relaxed when his secretary brought in the papers so the president could read them. He was spluttering and choking. "I'd hate to let them win, sir, and I won't let them win. Frankly, I'll bring the city back first."

"They'll never make it back here."

"Yes, they will," Jack said. The president was choking and spluttering again. "They'll be back here within a few weeks actually. McKay is that genius. Sheppard is that good. And with what we sent to them recently they did decimate most of the wraith. There's very few left in the Pegasus galaxy and half of them were heading this way so the city's coming back to fight them for us."

"We can do without them. I'll have them blown out of the sky."

"You do and you'll have a huge problem, sir." Jack stared at him. "Including that the hackers will release all that information as soon as you try. You see, they look up to Miko Kusangi as a goddess." He stared at him. "And I've already alerted my military commander. We talked about the hacking problem a few hours ago, sir. They agreed with the kid's tactical reasons but agreed that we don't want that invasion to happen. They just weren't sure how to keep the kids safe so we could use them when they're old enough to recruit."

"I'll have you arrested."

"You go right ahead, sir. I could use the vacation," he said dryly. "And the head of the Joint Chiefs threatened the same thing for daring to hide what his Marines were doing in my project. Then my Joint Chief shared why and he nearly had a heart attack. He swore up and down that you were the root of all evil." He smiled slightly. "I brought the hacker I talked to earlier to talk to them with me and they were not amused but understood why and they were highly concerned about all that they found." The president hung up. "That was the wrong answer," he said, turning off the computer on his end. "McGarrett, if they kill me for this, I'll try to haunt the kid."

"Sure," Steve agreed. "That'll work well for him and if Jake dies he promised the same thing." He looked at him. "The higher ups wanted to do what?"

"To not blow open the program completely but to out the treason."

"Can it be done?" Steve asked.

"Maybe." He smiled. "Can you talk to your governor?"

He called him on the video conferencing. "I have a general here who wanted to talk to you about some evidence of treason, Governor."

"You're doing what?" he demanded.

"Not us. The president." The governor stared at him so he got out of the way so Jack could talk to him.

"I'm General O'Neill, Air Force. The Joint Chiefs do know but the plot goes all the way up to the president."

"That could be dangerous to me," the governor said.

Jack nodded. "My project is highly classified and it's brain warping. I'm trying to out one and not the other before the US is taken over."

"How bad?" Jack sent over the information for him. He took it to read, frowning as he read it. "Damn it!"

"Yes, sir, exactly." He smiled. "Which needs to be found out, but not outing anything else."

"I see. The military higher ups?"

"Wanted the same thing but not to be involved."

"I do have some press contacts."

"We had teenage hackers," Steve said from behind Jack's shoulder. "We're trying to protect them and the general's program at the same time, Governor. It's important that the general's project get left alone for now."

"Is it doing bad things?"

"We protect the whole earth from some seriously weird things," Jack said. "There's going to be a lot of screaming when we're outed."

"From groups like ISIS?"

"From groups in every religion," Jack admitted. "We have an oversight authority that is world-wide."

The governor winced. "That sounds nasty."

"We do good work. We do necessary, dirty work as well."

"Understood. Um..." He read it over again. "How bad?"

"You know that battle that got shut up as being a training exercise in the Antarctic?" Jack asked. The governor nodded once. "It wasn't and it was my people."

"Oh, dear. All right, this is going to be loud. I can let a contact know I have them." Jack nodded. "Are you on my islands?"

"No. Not at the moment but we have been thinking about using a corner of Pearl for recuperation needs."

"Where?"

"Midwest."

"Better me than them then. Do others know?" Jack shook his head. "Only the president?"

"I had to tell the Joint Chiefs today and they all nearly had heart attacks and all of them did scream, Governor."

"I can see why. I'll let them know. That teenage hacker?"

"We're protecting him," Steve told him.

"Good." He hung up and went to talk to his press secretary. Then he decided to go around them to the man's assistant. He walked into his office. "I got handed this by a general to protect a teenage hacker."

The man read it over and looked at him. "That's treason."

"So I was told."

"My boss is on here."

"Tell someone who isn't."

"Yes, Governor." He hesitated then made a call. "I was handed information from a teenage hacker that found treasonous activity." He nodded. "Please, now." He hung up. "Yes, sir."

"Thank you. Don't include me. We've had a few military teams here to take out the hacker." He left, going back to his office.

The assistant press secretary went to meet his contact at a local coffee shop. She was already waiting. "I'm told that someone sent a team after the kid who found it," he said in her ear before sitting down. He handed it over. "It did not come from us," he said, glancing around.

She looked at him. "This is treason." He nodded. "No wonder!"

"Exactly."

"Be safe," she said. "I can do that." She got up and took her camera man as her bodyguard back to the office. "Mike," she called as she walked in. "MIKE!" Her editor came out of the office. She handed it over. "No one wants involved in what a teenage hacker found."

He read it over, grimacing. "Can we verify?"

"I just received it from Paul." She pointed at a name. "Because his boss is involved. He said no one wants involved."

"Oh, dear. All right. I'll get an agent to come help you."

"If you're sure they're not involved."

"I can make sure. My brother-in-law works over that way." He went to call him. "Go looking. Starting the investigation will help." She nodded, taking the notes back to start searching. Some of them she didn't know. What she found did not amuse her. Some seemed to be talking about aliens but the rest weren't cranks.

***

Danny was waiting on Xander to wake up when the news came on that night. He watched as the local news anchor, who was a vapid little airhead usually, talked about how they had found out the president was part of a treasonous group. "Damn," he muttered.

David looked up, watching the story unfold. "Steve told us that came from the hacker that got into my former program." He went back to reading. "They're trying to protect the demon communities and the program but they can't let that go on."

Danny winced as she laid out what had been found by agents who had worked with her. It showed people being arrested, including the president. "Well, the good guys won I guess."

"Landry was one," Xander mumbled. He flipped onto his side. "That shit was strong."

"I'll let the doctor know," David quipped, handing over a bottle of water.

Danny patted Xander on the leg. "You did good, kid. Officers stopped the drunk idiot and his drunk idiot kid. We stopped the stuff with Steve. O'Neill stopped the military people coming after that hacker kid." Xander looked confused. "The one you met when getting donuts."

"He's trying to protect the demon community when they're outed due to the invasion."

"Can we stop that?"

"Probably not," Xander admitted. "They can do most of it in other places and have it happen here in downtown LA."

"At least you didn't mean here, like downtown Honolulu," Danny quipped. Xander grinned, shaking his head. "That's even better. I don't think we could stand that."

"The kraken out in the water is bad enough," David quipped.

"Steve was shuddering about tentacles," Danny shot back with a smile. "Shows why I don't go swim all that often."

"There's one by New York and New Jersey but it only shows up to get a new slutty toy." Danny stared at him. "They don't eat people. They eat krill."

"Then why do they go after people?" Danny asked.

Xander stared at him. "Anime things."

"Ewww." He shuddered. "That's sick."

"Yup. They won't come near me. They hate mermen. Apparently they fight back a lot so they won't go near me since I slightly smell like one." He grinned.

"I'll let Steve know that," Danny said, patting him on the knee again. "You rest, kiddo. Let us know if you have more." Xander nodded. "Good boy. By the way, we moved all the weapons somewhere safer and your comics are in the garage with all the non-weapon stuff so you guys can sort through them." Xander went to look. "And if you find more of Anya's sex toys, let us know so we can hand them to someone who might use 'em," he called after the kid.

"Sure," Xander called. "I won't need any for a few years."

David blinked at him. "She had that many? We packed up at least sixty."

"There were a few cases of them," Danny told him, getting comfortable. "A few in a carrying case, like a display case for makeup artists. A few more in special boxes. One that was platinum." David gaped. "Yeah. There were at least two hundred in the original stuff. We quit looking at some of the boxes after we got freaked out at the demon model ones. Only so many tentacles you wanna look at before you need a shower."

"Eww."

"We sold the expensive ones on the kid to give him setting up funds. She had a few that had gems and shit."

"Wow," David mouthed, leaning backward to look out there. "Did they leave some of the weapons?"

"No," Xander called. "Stay in there. Giant demonic mice."

"Like hell," David said. He got up and went out there with a weapon. And found military guys. "They don't look like mice, kiddo."

"They should be. They're kinda evil."

"Are they the sort doing their jobs?" David asked.

"No." Xander looked up at him. "If they were doing their jobs, they're still working for torturing assholes."

"You don't know anything, kid," one of them said.

Xander looked at him. "I know I shot at your dumb ass a few years ago," he told him. "Too bad I only hit you on the side when you were in Sunnydale." That one flinched back, shaking his head. "Yeah, me. If you guys were looking for the hacker, I don't do that yet. Jake promised to teach me but I haven't learned yet."

"You're still to be taken in," one of them said, trying to grab Xander. David shot the guy in the shoulder. "How dare you!"

"Shut up, Sergeant. I outrank you," David said smugly. "And you're an idiot." He smirked at the team. "Get out of the kid's house."

"We can confiscate it."

"I doubt that."

"He's a material witness....."

Xander laughed. "No I'm not. I'm still the same Xander Harris I was before, just now I'm shorter." That one guy flinched back, running into the garage door, shaking his head. "Yeah, me, mother fucker." He smiled and waved. "Hi." The others tried to grab him but then there was a demon there with big mouths on its tentacles. Xander had opened a box. "Hey, big guy. These guys are bad military sorts. One of them was Initiative." The demon hummed, pulling them into his box and making the military guys scream. He looked up at David, shrugging some. "I'm all for good military people."

"I don't want to see them eaten," David complained.

"He won't eat them. Today. He's got to let them decompose first." He smiled. "It'll take a few weeks before they die."

"We can turn them over by then," Danny said from the doorway.

"Jack's probably fighting to not be captured by that sort," Xander said. "And Jake's team."

"Jake's team came back earlier," David said. "I had a spy tell me because of what you saw. They said they came back injured but did come back. The two teams that tried to capture them and others went down to other injuries. Doctor Lam was not amused."

Xander nodded. "Uncle Jake probably wasn't either."

"No. Clay and Jake were not amused and others stepped in to help them. And the general. Plus his Space Monkey as he used to call Jackson." He shook his head quickly. "Steve can hand these soldiers over to the base."

"Fine," Xander sighed. "We really should feed the big guy then. He can probably eat fish."

"We can offer him some fish in exchange," Danny said. He came to take the box. "Any more of these sort of items?"

Xander smiled and nodded. "Yup. Though not of him. He's in there so he could heal from what the Initiative assholes did to him. He needed to be contained so he could drool healing drool on himself. It'll take at least a few more years for him to fully heal."

"Sure," Danny agreed. "We can feed 'im fish if he wants. Or cow or sheep or pig or something." He walked off, taking the box to Steve's house. Steve met him at the door but wouldn't let the box into his house. "It's safe."

"I'll take it tonight. Come on." He took Danny with him to the base. The base commander wasn't happy when Steve had the head of the local security team call him. "General," he said, saluting. "I'm Lieutenant Commander Steve McGarrett."

"At ease, Lieutenant Commander. What sort of problem had to call me after hours?"

Steve opened the box and looked down in it. "We have pig if you'd rather. Raw or we can find you some cooked. But we need the soldiers back please." The tentacles came out to deposit the soldiers.

"All of them please," Danny ordered. "Even if one of them was what tortured you. You want raw or cooked pork?"

"Raw," it growled. It let out the last one. "Thank you."

"Welcome. You want fish or cow or anything instead of pig?"

"Pig's nice," it said. "Like humans." It withdrew the tentacles. "Thank the young one for protecting me."

"Of course. We like him doing that sort of thing," Steve said. "I'll get you some pig in about three minutes. There's a nice place just outside the base." He put the box back on the table.

"These people came to capture a seven-year-old boy," Danny told them. "I was at his house to talk to him. One of them he noted was Initiative, and was therefore part of a torturing group that was in his former hometown." He stared at the general, who was glaring at his people. "I don't know if they were intending to get the teenage hacker that outed the president doing treason earlier or not, but they were threatening a little boy."

"Damn it," the general muttered. "They're not ours."

"No, sir, but you can hand them over," Steve said. "I can take them into custody for HPD but they'd have to come here anyway."

"True. Someone call CID." He looked at them. "You're HPD now?"

"On detached duty," Steve agreed. "A special task force."

"I heard about that. Thank you for not harming them too much. I'm sure the demon was nice enough to them." He stared down at them. "Nicer than I would've been."

"Nicer than Xander wanted to be too," Danny said. The general flinched, staring at him. "You know about Xander, General?" He nodded slowly. Danny pointed at Steve with a grin. "One of his uncles. We've got oversight."

"Good luck, McGarrett. Harris was a wild card before and even worse now probably. The boy was so weird at times."

"Now he's seven," Steve quipped with a smile. "And still with all his memories."

"You poor uncle. I wish you much luck."

"Thank you, General, and have fun with them."

"You have a good night too." They left, pausing to get the box a good bit of pork. It loved it and thanked the owner of the shop too. Who went to church that night. The general looked at the idiots then at his security team. "Find out who they belong to so I can chew on someone."

"Yes, sir. CID's sending someone from the closest office. It'll be a few hours. Put them in the brig and get them medical checks?"

"Go ahead," he agreed. "Have CID tell me when they get in." He went home to make notes onto his private files. It seemed that there might be some advanced positions opening up above him. With the news coming out of DC, he might get to move up a few desks very fast.

As long as he didn't have to deal with the White Knight of Chaos. Ever.

***

Xander called all the uncles a few mornings later. "The invasion is in about six days unless someone changes when the new moon is. They have to do the final sacrifice that night, at one am LA time, and then the invasion is four days later but twelve and a half hours off."

"That's great news," Jake said dryly. "Describe what you think an invasion is, Xander?"

"Open portal, vomit people eaters. Unless someone's stopped the Black Thorn group and Wolfram and Hart."

"Are they a law firm?" Jake guessed.

"Yes. The first is part of the law firm and part other higher ups."

"Charming!" Jake quipped sarcastically. "Beheading?"

"As long as the head comes off," Xander quipped. "And remember the LA team. If they try to throw it off to discredit people, it'll be next month. The sacrifice can only be held for so long and they have to do a lot of prep work on it first."

"Sheep?" Steve asked.

"Human with at least slight magical potential, has to know about the supernatural, and has to be a virgin."

"Could we have stopped this earlier?" Steve asked.

"I told you guys six months ago and no, they did half the rites they need off-plane," Xander said patiently.

"Okay," Steve agreed. "Where is it going to be?"

"Last we heard, the portal they're using is ancient and heavy so it's in their office building. Oh, and no idea how many of their lower drones are involved and how many are going to be sacrificed without warning."

"We can watch them," Steve decided. "I know someone working in the ATF out of San Diego. I can pass that along. Thanks, kiddo."

"Welcome. Have fun. Don't get eaten."

"We'll try really hard," Steve agreed. They all hung up and Steve called Jake back to make plans. Even with a month leeway it was going to be nasty.

Chin and Kono were searching out rumors since Steve had put the call on speaker since it had come up with David's number. Danny was calling an officer he knew who had transferred out to LAPD a few years earlier. Apparently they had some warnings that something big was going to happen around that day, no idea what, and that if not it'd be a month later so they were all on edge. The officer was yelling about demon things so Danny explained how most of them were peaceful in LA, just some wanted more power and stress from ruling things. Steve took the phone to talk to him, sparing Danny's hearing for a few minutes.

***

Jack and his teams watched from up the street as the invasion started. "Bingo," he noted. "People, their heads have to come off because they physically eat people instead of eating energy like the wraith. Have fun and be safe." The soldiers surged forward to handle the stream of demons. "Don't touch anything that didn't come out of the portal," he called when one of them flinched away from the demon there to help. Jack nodded at them. "Thank you for the help."

"We respect parts of the human military."

"I'm General O'Neill," he said with a smirk.

"The Great Traveling One? Yes, we do trust you and respect your people." He called something and the soldiers got a lot more backup from warriors. "My people are warriors."

"Always happy to have help. Afterward, make sure you get to safety. We'll try to cover if others try something." The demon nodded, making that note and he sent his troops in to help back up the slayer and the hunters. Jack fired on a few more demons. This was stupidly hard. "I need a machete," he decided. "It's easier than blowing a head off." He called for them to be used and found his in his holster on his back, pulling it out to get further into the fray.

"Slayer, duck," the head demon shouted. "Behind you!" She ducked and turned, killing that demon, then she smiled and nodded at him. He shook his head, moving to guard them. They needed more people to help. Thankfully that general had people on their way. Including agents and other military people.

"There's unarmed combatants inside the building," O'Neill yelled at the military teams showing up. "Their higher ups did it and didn't evacuate them!" That got a nod. "The portal's that stone thing," he pointed. "Blow it! Please blow it!"

"Yes, sir," one of them yelled back. They sent teams to clean that building and to kill that portal device. Minute explosives destroyed a side and it twisted then shut itself down with a small air explosion. The building was finally cleared and all those people were quarantined to be talked to.

Buffy pushed her sweaty hair back, looking around then at the demons. "Thank you, people. You did great helping us. You have our whole team's thanks." A few smiled and nodded at her. "Go find healers and be safe, guys. If they try to harm you, I'll stomp them myself." They went back to their hidden enclave's staging area. That way if the humans followed they wouldn't find their houses or families. The military training center was easily defended.

Jack stopped a soldier trying to follow them. "No." He stared at the guy. "No way in hell. They're peaceful, they were helping, you're not going after them."

"They're..."

"I don't give a fuck," Jack noted impatiently. "They helped save this city's ass. You're not going to go after them."

"We have orders, sir."

"I'm a general, kid. I don't give a fuck." The soldier backed off, calling that in. "People, make sure the military people are given to medics so they can be treated," he called, making a hand motion.

"Yes, sir," a male voice shouted.

Jack blinked. "You're back already?" he asked, smiling slightly.

"In the last hour, sir. We snuck in under cloaking and got here in time to help clean up." He waved. "Docs, go treat people. The general's exhausted and mad."

Buffy smiled as she walked past him. "He's good though. He did really good."

John Sheppard smiled at her. "We're seasoned with end of the world battles, Miss Summers. Our program does plenty of that ourselves." She shivered. "Go rest and heal. You need it." She nodded, sneaking off with their people. He looked at the general. "We have people ready to do clean up of the other dimensional natives, General."

"Let's clear the field of the living and injured. Then they can clean it up. The higher ups of that law firm?"

"Having tea on top of a building nearby to oversee their accomplishment," an agent said. "We were not pleased, General."

Jack smiled. "We tried."

"We heard." He shook his hand. "Thank you. Have fun going back to San Diego."

"My project's in Colorado actually." He limped off. "I'm getting too old for field battles," he told John quietly. Getting a nod back. "Seen Mitchell?"

"Getting stitches." He pointed. "All our med teams are here and not happy that this managed to happen. They treated any other dimensional natives just as politely as they do us, if not a bit more politely since they were kinder to them than they are to us."

"Thanks, Sheppard. Nice timing too."

"I try, sir." He walked off with him. "If I had my way I would've parked the city sooner so we could've jumped in."

"You got here in plenty of time because I was going to call for replacements for some of us soon." He clapped him on the arm before they walked into the medical tent. "Good work, people." A few smiled at him. Doctor Lam was glaring at him. "What?"

"General Landry is having a fit, sir."

"Yeah, especially since some hackers found out he had done treasonous things," he told her, making her gasp and step back a few steps. "Along with the president and others. I actually had to give that information to the Joint Chiefs committee, Doctor Lam. They nearly ate me for it. All they could agree on was it needed to be stopped, but no one wanted to do it personally." She winced. "Yes, it's that bad. Worse than the Trust crap bad." He moved closer. "I'm sorry he's your dad," he said quietly. "But I'm not letting us all be destroyed for whoever's pulling his puppet strings."

She nodded. "Thank you for letting me know, General."

"I'm the same asshole I was earlier, Carolyn." He smirked. "Just a bit more banged up now." She pointed at a free bed and he went to sit on it. Someone wearing Commander's stripes stomped in. "I'm over here," he called with a hand wave. "I'm guessing you're the officer in charge of the battle unit?"

"I am. Who're you to countermand my orders?"

"General Jack O'Neill." He stared at him. "Air Force special forces." He smirked slightly. "And in control of that battle situation out there because we were here first because we got warned about it a few months back but couldn't stop it." The man was looking horrified. "What? Let it out. Yes, the Air Force does fight," he said patiently. He let the nurse pull his t-shirt off him, looking at her. "You're not usually that mean."

"I've had dozens of soldiers to heal today, General. Most of them I don't even recognize."

"Ours learned how to handle strange battles," he agreed. He looked at the commander again. "We are not going to be doing anything against the other dimensional natives who *helped* us win that battle, Commander. I don't give a fuck who told you otherwise. And if it was a Joint Chief, I'll go get in their face for you. This military does not touch peaceful beings of any type. We make war on warriors, not civilians.

"The military tried that once from what I've learned and it was so nasty that a few people got ordered to commit suicide instead of having a trial so they couldn't disgrace their army units. Three troops of Rangers got that order," he said at the man's opening mouth. "We do not follow, we do not harass, we do not bother the other dimensional natives in the US. Because they could be a war we don't want to start. The ones earlier are from a warrior culture."

"Our bases's general wanted to know more about them, sir. He's a two star."

"Then he's high enough to call up General McIver and ask him," Jack said bluntly. "Because he's the guy that shut down the project that screwed up so badly. He's army."

"I'll let him know. The other humans who weren't military?"

"Their job is to handle the ODN that aren't peaceful and good citizens, Commander," he said with a slight smile. "That blonde girl was in charge by the way. And also really looking for a better boyfriend who can put up with her life."

"Married, sir, but I'll let a few I know aren't shitheads know." He walked off calling his commander. "General, General McIver is here," he called. "Sir, General O'Neill referred my commander to you about the order to follow those weird looking supposed natives."

McIver looked at him, shaking his head. "No, we are not, Commander. At all. If your commander is that worried, have him come see me, kid." He walked in there. "I wish I had gotten here earlier, Jack. I only got here half an hour ago, just in time to see that blonde girl have a we survived it dance with the young guy." He stared at him. "Your source wasn't wrong," he said dryly.

"No, sir, he said an invasion." He stared at him. "The ones in charge?"

"Under heavy military police guard. I'll be damned if they're going to start this shit." He crossed his arms over his chest and looked around then at the nearest nurse. "Anyone serious?"

"Some were bitten, some were cut by others who weren't used to swords or machete work, sir," she reported. "One's in surgery to close a more serious stab and bite wound on top of it." Jack winced. "Most of the soldiers and others should be able to get back to duties within two weeks or so."

"Good. They survived the first invasion of the continent." She shivered. "Thankfully we had some warning ahead from some hackers. Speaking of, Jack, I showed up today because of them, not all this."

"Damn it, I thought I had gotten through to that kid."

"You did. He protested while another hacker put it out there. Your Dr. Kusangi just had a fit on someone on the internet and threatened to recruit them to clean toilets and other nasty things while she taught them better." Jack tried not to laugh. "Then your Dr. McKay got into it. And he agreed with the tactical reason for the timing, but he said the kids were going to be conscripted and sent to real schools with good educations so they could pay them all back for getting your whole project outed."

"Whole?" he asked with a wince.

"Every nasty, dirty bit that proved humans are stupidly ignorant. And then the new president got asked about it," he said dryly. "And he had a fit. A bible thumping and throwing it at one of the reporters fit."

"Not my doing. We just handled the problems we were handed, sir."

"That was pointed out to him and he wants to talk to you."

"Yes, sir, I can make myself available to DC tomorrow," he said with a sigh. The nurse injected some local anesthetic and got to work on his stitches. "Think he'll calm down by then, Jim?"

"No," the other general said, giving him a smug look. "Not in the least. Though only one reporter's asked the Pentagon for a statement as of when I left."

"Only three generals knew and it was President's eyes only with the IOA. I have no idea when they briefed him about that since he's been the president for about two weeks now."

McIver nodded as he walked off. "Show up being spiffy tomorrow, Jack. Be on your best behavior. Avoid the Marines." He left the medical tent.

One of the marines looked over. "I don't know why. We're doing what Marines have always done and doing it the right way," he complained.

Jack smiled. "You're my guard tomorrow."

"Sir, I'll be limping."

"I don't expect an attack yet. It'll take them a few days to get together to attack us all," he said sarcastically. "Someone tell Sheppard."

"Already heard from McKay, sir," he called from outside the tent.

"You're coming with me tomorrow. Then we'll debrief about the city, Sheppard."

"Yes, sir. If I must be spiffy and shiny."

Jack groaned. "I need to find my formal uniform. I think my last one got shot at." The nurse was giggling. "Not my fault they shot at me after giving me an award." She laughed harder but got him cleaned up so he could go mope and do any post-battle calming down rituals he had.

Sheppard handed the general his phone. "Was found on the ground, sir. Xander said to have some candy. When I asked why, he told me he always got a sugary coffee drink on his way to a real drink that had rum in it, then a candy bar as he watched the sun come up the next morning because they had made sure of it. When I pointed out the sun would come up anyway, he gave me the line about trees falling in the forest and some of their battles might've ended the physical planet as well, so therefore no sun coming up over the horizon that no longer existed."

Jack shook his head, answering Xander to make sure he knew that he was all right. All the local uncles were. They walked off together. "I need to find my uniform. I'm pretty sure it has bullet holes."

"Sucks, sir."

"Yes it does. Any news on payback yet?"

"Not yet. A bit of freaking out. Some mild screaming about mutants or demons, depending on the source. A lot of religious worrying about demons taking over humanity and why some were fighting with us."

"They're other dimensional natives," Jack told him.

"I can get that out there." He sent a text message to McKay, who sent back he'd stress that in the ranting he was doing. "The warriors helping us went to a gym looking place."

"Probably a training center. They're a warrior culture."

"They were helpful and all the other ones that showed up to help did good work too," John said, getting in to drive the general in a free jeep. "Airport?"

"We've got troop carriers. We couldn't use the ship because we're still supposedly hidden."

"Got it." He called that over the comms. "I have the general, going back to the plane to wait on everyone else to reappear. Yes, Major, this is Colonel Sheppard." He hung up and drove them off. He let an MP take it back to the battle site since they were there to turn over their prisoners to US Marshals. "You guys have fun with them," John called with a wave.

"We hope we don't have to, but if they try anything we sure will," one assured him. "Who're you two?"

"That's General O'Neill. He'll be in DC tomorrow to answer various yelling people," Sheppard said with a smile. "I didn't get here in time." That got a nod from the Marshals. They got onto the plane to rest and John told him about the flight back, and the fight in the center, and how two of the ships had warned them not to land because they had presidential orders to shoot the city and destroy it even if it were in the middle of a populated area. Thankfully they noted they couldn't see through the cloaking device. The third had been silent but hadn't fired on them at least.

***

Jack was let into the meeting room in the White House, saluting immediately. "Sir, General O'Neill, reporting as ordered." He stared at the president.

"Sit down, O'Neill. We apparently have to talk," the president said, glaring at him. "What the hell are you playing at?"

"Sir, I don't play games. Especially not with my people." He stared at him. "By the way, was it your order or the last president's order to shoot Atlantis out of the sky if and when she showed up?"

He blinked. "Excuse me?"

"Two of the three space ships warned Colonel Sheppard when they got in range, sir."

"She's back?"

"Yes she is."

"Where is she?"

"Cloaked because of that order and because she's classified, sir. But she's on the west coast."

"All right." He considered that. "I'll rescind that in a minute, O'Neill. Explain to me why we opened that gateway in the first place?"

"Originally we were exploring, seeing if other places had things that could help our people in multiple fields. That's why I traveled with an anthropologist and a science genius in engineering and physics. Who are both here and waiting to debrief as well, Sir. I figured you'd want to talk to them too."

"Yes, I do." He looked at the files. "Why didn't we open it sooner?"

"According to Dr. Jackson, Budge sucked when he translated hieroglyphics. He retranslated it and we figured it out. Then on the other side we found a place that looked exactly like ancient Egypt and had temples to the ones that built the gateways. Daniel finally figured out how to get us home after a few hours and a slight battle but by then he had a wife from not paying attention so he stayed. That lasted for a year before the gou'ald came back and took his wife."

The president looked at him. "Was it a soap opera, General?"

"Depends on the day and the team, sir. And if there was a female gou'ald around sometimes."

"They made it very soap opera like?"

"Sir, didn't you get the report on what a female gou'ald can do?" he asked. He looked at the package of information. "Daniel!" Jack bellowed. "He only got a partial briefing!" The rest of his team came in, with Teal'c. The other generals and agency heads all visibly flinched. "Easy, people. Teal'c served on my team for over ten years and he led the revolt that let his people overthrow the slave owning gou'ald that held them all hostage. I trust that man more than I do anyone in the US military." He kicked out a chair. Teal'c sat. "Daniel, no one told him what female gou'ald could do. He asked if we were a soap opera."

"Some days," he agreed. He pulled up information. "Here, someone put this tablet onto the display system." A general took it to do that. "This is Hathor, a female gou'ald we ran into a few times. This is a report on a shared female gou'ald power of pheromones." He pulled that up and they looked it over, a few groaning.

"As noted, sirs, some of us had to handle it for the befuddled men," Sam Carter said, looking a bit smug.

"Aren't you a doctor of math or something?" one of the generals asked.

She stared at him. "I've seen more combat than you have, General. To be blunt, I was on the lead field team for ten years, headed Atlantis for over a year, and had battles during all that and lab time. You're welcome for still being able to sit here since it was my science that blew up an attacking gou'ald space army by blowing up a solar system." He flinched back, moving his chair back. She smiled slightly. "Yes, I'm also Jacob Carter's daughter. You attended the base party he threw for my graduating high school class. You actually jitter bugged with me." He slumped, staring at her. She smiled. "Some of us are not only brilliant but brilliant in a few fields. We hired for the best, people."

The president looked at her. "You're in a combat position?"

"It wasn't originally meant to be one, but yes. When the prime team, SG-1, went to meet new people and we had a battle, I was with them and I fired just as much as the men did, Sir." She stared at him. "When Atlantis had a series of battles, which was pretty much almost every few hours some days, I headed the civilian contingent because there wasn't one appointed at that time. Then I came back here to do more teamwork in the field."

He blinked at her. "You're a woman."

"Yes, sir, that fact hasn't escaped me at any point in time," she told him. "To most enemies that doesn't matter and the ones it does, well I killed them extra hard so I didn't have to be rescued from their grubby hands."

He swallowed. "I didn't realize we had women in combat." He looked at O'Neill, who nodded. "That is against present military orders."

"The greatest majority of women in my program are actually civilians and sometimes they do get into the field for research and other things. Then they do have to be able to handle themselves. We make sure of it. Every single member of my program is required to be able to fire a gun at the very least. Most have to be in field shape in case something happens while they're off-site doing research," Jack said. "Including the ones on Atlantis."

"That's a future talk," the president decided. He looked at the information on the screen then at him. "How many times?"

"Three, four," Sam admitted. "We thought we killed her twice."

"Are there others that bad?" the head of the CIA asked.

"One managed to clone himself," Daniel said. "We're not certain we've gotten all the Ba'al clones."

"I think we've gotten them all. We got thirty-two if I remember right," Sam told him.

"Cloning," that director said dryly. "Now we're going there?"

"The Asgard, who you think are Roswell Gray's," Daniel said. "Did that. That's how they propagated their species. They gave up actual reproduction for cloning new bodies and transferring over. They had a few problems, which is why they look less humanoid." He took the tablet to call up information on them. "That's the Asgard. We worked very closely with them for a number of years until they had to build a time bubble to protect themselves from a potentially devastating battle against the replicators."

They all read that and the president laughed a tiny bit. "That explains a lot. Oh, God, this is messed up!" he said loudly.

"The gou'ald were preparing to come back to get more slaves," Daniel told them all. "The planets they seeded from earth's population were getting a bit genetically stagnant. It's a long running project joke that's really not that a lot of species out there would be happier to trade for eggs and sperm and fertile women than they would food, medicine, or technology that we're willing to trade."

"Never above the generator level," Sam told the worried looking people. "We have supplied generators to places that desperately needed them. Filtration systems for water systems, those sort of things. Our doctors have helped many places with health issues and taught year-long fellowships to a few advanced races' doctors who wanted to learn from us."

"In exchange," Daniel said. "We got technological information, cultural information in some cases, some limited weapons, and a lot of allies when things happen. They can't do much but if they're having a battle against the Ori we can show up and they will help us with what they can do."

The president stared at him. "Was that really an equal exchange, Doctor Jackson?"

"Yes, sir, in many cases it was. A lot of the cultures managed to stop about the Renaissance era culturally but a few have advanced beyond that. The social scientists among us always complain that we don't have a lot of time to study things that show us how we evolved culturally but about the third year, scientific and cultural exploration got waylaid in favor of military exploration. We were never sure if that was because General Hammond was ordering it or if higher ups did."

"He was the original general?" one of the other generals asked.

"Yes, that's why he took over Homeworld Security," Jack said. "That's why I took over his seat on the base and then his seat in HS, and now I'd really like to go back to my seat at the base since Hank Landry was messed up with the same program the former president was."

"We hampered him," another assured him. "He has a shadowy overlord sort that everything he does goes through."

Jack smirked. "I've met him. He hates us and I nearly had him fed to a wraith, General Constance."

"That's not really polite, Jack," he said dryly.

"Oh well. He told a Marine that he should just go sacrifice himself instead of using tactics to save everyone."

"I'll talk to him, Jack." He looked at the others then at him. "Why do you want it back?"

"Because it'll take a firm hand to keep the leaked information from getting us all blown up," Jack said sarcastically. "Plus to undo all the harm Landry did."

"The man was a disaster to Atlantis," Sam Carter agreed. "Tried to cut off food shipments and other necessary supplies. They were already trading for some but plenty of things couldn't be grown up there. Including coffee. Our science department keeps Columbia and Hawaii's coffee production in business, Generals."

"I know the head of science for Atlantis has a three pot a day habit," Daniel said. "I myself have a pot and a half a day on the normal, easy days when I'm not up for thirty-six straight."

"Why?" the president asked. "You're an anthropologist."

"I'm also a linguist," Daniel said. "And in charge of that department, sir. Plenty of times we had emergency translations that people's lives depended on."

"Is that normal?"

"If there was another program like ours, I'd ask," Jack said. "The only other one that a working gateway was Russia and they had a lot of problems. And caused us many more. We basically shut them down."

"Do we have teams from them?" the head marine asked.

"We had one at one time," Jack said. "The IOA thought it was a good idea. They were well enough behaved but didn't like our tougher rules about how things should be."

"I got really tired of teaching cultural relativity," Daniel said dryly. "Twice in the same day during a mission because they were horrified the people we were visiting had naked slaves." He shook his head slightly and sighed. "It was considered something we disliked and couldn't condone but they had things we could trade for and we weren't going to interact with any slaves. I made sure they realized that our people no longer had them and we were bothered by the sight of slaves so they had assistants show up to feed us tea while we negotiated."

"Diplomats and politicians can handle those sort of situations easier," the president agreed.

"All teams have at least one person with tact," Jack said. "We made sure when a few were more known for blowing shit up that tried to attack them. A few might've been able to be negotiated with but the rest...."

"SG-4 got a bad reputation in some places," Teal'c agreed.

Jack's phone audibly buzzed and he sighed, looking at it. "General, didn't they confiscate your phone?" the president demanded.

"No, sir, because there's plenty of people who want to blow my people up right now. Though this is my nephew and he said he's talked to the hacker who released the information. She was trying to protect the other dimensional natives who helped at the battle yesterday, and the rest hiding down here, by pointing out that many others are peaceful, just look a bit weird." He looked up. "She couldn't do that without outing the project a tiny bit and another hacker, who wasn't related to my group or her group, did the rest of the outing." He answered back. "One of my new people does know which other group that was and he's growled at them a lot, plus gotten the really great hacker who just got back with Atlantis to growl as well, and they're in deep shit anyway. They consider Snowden a saint." He looked up. "Should I note anything to him?"

"How old is he?" the head marine asked.

"Seven. I briefed my head and the old president about my nephew Xander, General. Didn't they tell you I had partially inherited him?"

"I heard you inherited a nephew."

"He's my godson. His parents were drunk shitbags and they died. I share his custody with a SEAL on detached duty and that new hacker we just got about a month and a half ago." He grinned. "We adore Xander most of the time." He wrote back to him and turned off his phone. "I let him know I'm in this meeting so he'll save any notes for an email later." Daniel's email notification chimed. Jack looked at him.

Daniel looked then shook his head. "The bookstore I go through for obscure language texts found me one." He leaned back in his chair again.

"The Sumarian you've been looking for?" Sam guessed.

"The other one, the one from earlier Egypt that was copied onto a papyrus from a tomb and then passed down." He smiled at the president. "They do come in very handy. We've found over sixty stored gou'ald canopic jars in the last ten years."

"Like they found with King Tut?" one of the other agency heads asked.

Daniel nodded. "The gou'ald took on the names and mantles of the Egyptian pantheon at the higher levels, and some other handy pantheons that were nearby at times."

"Any from the ancient Central American ones?" that agency head asked.

"Unconfirmed at this time but we believe they had been a splinter group that got wiped out," Sam Carter told them.

"We haven't found any firm evidence yet," Daniel said. "Then again, we haven't had the authorization to go on anthropological digs in years. The last one was in Egypt to find a cache of hidden canopic jars."

"Next you'll tell me mummies are real," the president said sarcastically.

"That's Watchers Council stuff," Jack told him. "We know of them because of Xander and other incidences. That blonde yesterday is their mystical chosen warrior." The president gaped, staring in horrified awe. Jack shrugged. "From what little we've heard of them we hate them already and how they treat their mystically chosen warriors. We have no idea how or why they started. I'm not sure I want to know because then I'd have to listen to Carter and others complain about magic again."

"It's not real," the president said.

Sam Carter coughed. "I looked over that portal device, sir. It wasn't run by any energy that I could find. Had no technological components. Had a lot of funny writing that Daniel can't translate and was just solid stone."

"The Watchers Council's job is to handle the problematic of the other dimensional natives, like what happened yesterday," Jack told them. "That's why they have a mystically chosen female warrior and have since before writing started apparently." Daniel nodded. "You found more mentions?"

"In early Eurasian cultures. A lot of others in early African writings and stories that have been passed down," Daniel told them. "It's said that she's imbued before birth and when one dies, another's called to the duty until she dies. We have no idea about that at this time. Frankly, we weren't going to get into an international pissing match over this yet. Until we had more intel and more research done. Right now we barely know that they exist."

The president stared at them then at the others. "Did anyone else hear about this?" One raised his hand. "Why?"

"That abomination of a program noted a slayer and a Council of Watchers in England."

"By Stonehenge," Jack said with a point in the right direction. "Hereditary based. Not the girls but the people over the girls."

The president stared at him. "Were they responsible for the invasion yesterday?"

"No, sir, that was partially a law firm," Jack said with a grin. "They were captured while watching over the battle from a rooftop having tea."

"I heard," he admitted. "The rest of the law firm?"

"Looking at their methodology with our State Department liaison," Sam Carter said. "The lower levels are minions. They have statements in their contracts that state the law firm can take their souls and recall them from the dead to be unpaid slaves. They have death penalties for turning on the law firm, which will result in that soul clause being called in and them being called back from death." The president shuddered and crossed himself. "The top three of that law firm are other dimensional natives, or demons because they don't look human, and the group that started the invasion was the top few in the law firm and a few others."

"Why are they considered demons if they're sentient and all that?" a general asked.

"For the same reason you can't see dolphins and other mostly sentient species as good as humans," Daniel told him. "Plus most of them aren't really human looking."

"Not from around here, not human looking, some have specific gifts like magic," Sam Carter agreed. "We're not sure how many of the biblical and other religious versions of demons were actually those sort and what were religiously based at this time."

"Most of the ones that used to be here, before humans were sentient enough to grunt, probably came from other places," Jack said. "But from where was lost to history and it was probably destroyed. They had whole societies then the Ancients, the ones who turned into Ori and who built Atlantis, got sentience and fought to overthrow them and took their technology to use and learn from. Then they fell from a sickness and a few problems, and we rose." They all stared at him. "We have the books, people. Some we just got recently thanks to a Watchers Council source since we only knew back to Ancients."

"Can we prove that?" one demanded.

"The half-life of the main metal component on Atlantis is over five hundred thousand years old and we have some that have passed that mark on the interior, first built structures," Sam Carter said, pulling up the report on Daniel's tablet. "Also, the city has a sentient AI that is low on power but she has talked to us a few times about her people. She was sunk in the Pegasus galaxy for about ten thousand years."

The president blinked, reading that report. "Oh, dear. That's going to cause even more screaming from people." He sighed. "Can we cover some of this up?"

"I haven't seen how open they blew us," Jack said. "I had post-battle duties and reports last night. I let others watch it for me." He looked at Sam and Daniel.

"We're mostly blown open but they left some of it as classified facts. The main objectives, the main problems, some of the bigger battles, some of the cultural facts. Atlantis. The wraith but they didn't get too specific there. The bad ones they didn't put out as much information on but the good they pointed out that half of them came from earth," Daniel told them. "I'm hoping they don't let any more out or if they do it's more on the earlier battles and the two problems we've still got to fight."

"These Ori?" one of the other generals asked.

"Ancients who want to be worshiped so they're sending their high priests around to kill anyone who doesn't convert," Sam Carter said. "They've killed whole planets for people not converting, General. They've made it here twice." The general winced. "We've gotten them gone both times. One with a few problems before we knew they were around, but we did solve it as quietly as we could. Only the NID nearly blew it open that time."

"NID is a bad idea all the way around," Jack agreed. "They keep trying to kill me to take samples."

"They once shut down Colorado Springs to try to capture Teal'c," Daniel told them. "He had been with us for over a year. Our docs had made sure he was healthy and not in any danger from anything on earth. At that time we didn't have a way to remove a symbiot and let the former host live. They didn't care, they just wanted samples. If they had asked, we had dead gou'ald larva for them to study. They just decided they wanted a living subject to torture."

"Symbiot?" one general asked, looking disgusted. "Did those people volunteer?"

"No," Teal'c said. "Most of us did not. We were slaves of the higher gou'ald, and all the Jaffa carried immature larva to make us last longer and make us stronger."

"Teal's over a century old and used to be one of the top Jaffa," Jack said, smiling at him. "I'm damn glad you decided to help us and defect, buddy."

"It has brought many challenges to my life but my people are better for it. We are free now and it's much better for us."

"If that's what an immature one does, what does a mature one?" the head of the FBI asked.

Sam Carter pulled up those files for him. "That's on Ba'al, the one who cloned himself. He's smarter than the average gou'ald lord and less interested in being worshiped."

"It seems the bad ones want to be worshipped, is that true across the board?" the head marine asked.

"No. The wraith eat us," Sam Carter said. "Our life force is their only source of nourishment and the feeding leaves us ancient looking husks."

The marine blinked at her. "That's disgusting."

"Yes it is," she agreed. "Thankfully you can shoot them, sir."

He nodded. "Good! Are they getting here?"

"The last few who were trying to come this way will be handled by Atlantis," Jack said. "We had no idea that the Ancient outpost had an automatic beacon to Atlantis. When it was started without us realizing by using the facilities, the wraith discovered it. Atlantis and it's crew took out a good majority of the wraith in Pegasus galaxy while looking for things to help us defeat the Ori."

"Let's get things in a timeline order," the head marine said. "We opened it, found gou'ald?" They all nodded. "We were found by the Ori?"

"We turned on a machine we thought had information," Sam said.

"Oh. Charming."

"If we had known it had a homing beacon we wouldn't have turned it on," Daniel told him.

"So we were fighting the Ori, we found Atlantis?"

"We found the Antarctic outpost," Jack said. "It has a chair that runs for those of us with the ATA gene, which the Ancients put into the bloodlines, and that showed us Atlantis. We had theorized but that gave us proof when Colonel John Sheppard sat down in it and it worked better than it had before. He's the second strongest ATA carrier in the US, and the world as far as we know."

"First, ATA?"

"Ancient Tech Activation gene sequence," Sam Carter said. "The Ancients put it into the human DNA pattern to provide certain strong individuals the ability to run their equipment once we got advanced enough. I can give a whole speech on that but that's the basics."

"We'll do that speech later," the president said. "Who's the strongest ATA carrier?" Jack waved a hand. "Seriously?"

"That's why whenever we're invaded I go to Antarctica to defend the planet with our drones and other things the chair runs."

The president blinked then sighed and shook his head. "Okay, so we do have planetary defenses?" Jack nodded. "If the gou'ald come back, can we defeat them in space?"

"Yes, though there's only a few left," Sam Carter said. "We have three space battle cruisers and a few lighter space craft to use for that. Plus if Atlantis has the power she has space battle capabilities, sir."

"A whole city?" the head Marine demanded. "That's probably not an easy thing to manage."

"No, but she's managed before, sir," Sam told him. "On the way back here there were two or three battles."

"We'll hear more on that later."

"You'll need to call Colonel Sheppard," Jack said. "That was his city and still is his city because the AI likes him and he's strong enough to run her because it takes an ATA carrier."

"I'm sensing a theme," the head Marine said dryly. "What about those of us who don't have one?"

"You have a latent one, sir," Sam said with a smile. "We checked medical records that were already in the system for higher level military members who has the full gene or at least a latent that could be turned on by our artificial version. You and two others in this room have one." One waved a hand and she nodded. "The other," she said with a point. "Has a latent but not a full gene it looks like. It'd be a weak version that could basically turn on the lights and operate their teleporting elevators but not the heavier machines or the weapons."

"Doctors Lam and Keller both have the shot to activate them," Jack told them.

"Yours is natural?" the head Marine asked him. Jack nodded. "Does your nephew have it? The older one?"

Jack smiled because he could out this now and not be horribly shocking to anyone. "That goes back to the Asgard and their cloning, sir. Loki made me a clone and we had to fix the limited time he was supposed to last and then hide him from the NID."

The president stood up, staring at him. "You have a clone? On this planet?"

"Yes. He has all my memories up until a week before I was cloned," Jack said with a smile. "I love the little guy and I'm about to introduce him to our nephew. He's nineteen right now and about to go to the Air Force academy."

"What if that alien put something in him?"

"Loki was told that Jack was the future of humanity because of his ATA gene," Daniel said, slumping back in his chair, but shaking his head. "So he thought his DNA would have some benefit to cure the problem they were having with their cloning program. He was making two-week lasting clones to test things on and made one of Jack. Somehow he got put onto the base and thought he was fully Jack but had been deaged. When we found out, we talked to Thor and he had Junior changed so he was fully stable and fully human. There's no programming or anything like that in him. We checked to make sure. With how many times we ran into evil versions of ourselves thanks to a few devices....we made sure very fast."

"I don't want to know about that yet," the president said. "Your..."

"I consider him a mini me but we're officially nephew and uncle so no one asks, sir," Jack said patiently.

"That's not the one that texted, right?" the president asked.

"No, that's Xander. He's just deaged thanks to a wish demon. Longer, headache inducing story there, sir, and that says a lot considering what I deal with daily." His phone turned on suddenly and let out an alarm. "What the hell?" he muttered, looking at it. "We have to move, people. Now. Someone's taken control of one of the space ships. They have guns that can decimate the white house." He got up. "Now. Let's go," he told the head of the Secret Service, who he had met and worked with before. "It's not the same group, but it's zealots."

"Let's go, people," he agreed. "General, have us beamed to Cheyenne?"

"Gladly."

Daniel tapped his glasses frame/earpiece. "People, we need to evac the situation room. One of the space ships is compromised. General O'Neill's orders." He looked at him. "General Landry said no."

"Fuck Landry. Take him out." He called. "Sheppard, me. A ...good, handle it, Landry's blocking us being beamed. Take over with Mitchell now please." He hung up. A minute later they were all beamed. It took two trips but the rest were gotten to the gate room. Jack looked around. "Are we missing anyone?"

"I'm calling an evacuation order in right now," the head of the Secret Service said as he tried to do that. Jake Jensen walked in and handed over his cellphone. "Thank you, soldier."

"Corporal Jensen, sir." He saluted Jack then grinned. "Sprout's fine. Landry's orders let the zealots up there with one already on board. An Earth Firster. Mitchell took command of the mountain and put us in lock down. Ellis has reported. Caldwell has reported but is really mad. The third ship's commander has not and we're about to send people up there to handle it. Any orders to countermand, General?"

"No. Clay leading?"

"Sheppard's leading. He's tired of this shit and he's already made that known. Clay's backing him up, and we're about to go."

"Go. Be safe. Arrest only, I want to hear them whine about why they did it," he said dryly. "Landry too."

"He's in the brig with a gunshot wound to the shoulder." Jake walked off. "I'll get my phone back later, sir."

"Xander's other uncle," Jack said with a smile for the president. People walked in and were beamed off. Sam Carter jogged up to the control room to log in and see what was going on since Jake had been doing that but went in the second beaming out. "Sit rep me, Carter," he called.

"All the personnel are held in the dining hall," she reported. A longish pause. "Gunshots on the bridge, an alarm going off. Sheppard made it to the comm and he's announced he's taken control of the ship and he's about to space anyone who whines at him, sir. John *really* needs a vacation." She looked up. "Fighting in a few halls leading to the dining hall. One hallway's being ignored and it's the one to engineering." She called up there. "Colonel, the hallway to your right is full of assholes guarding engineering," she reported. "We are back and safe. With the higher ups. Kick someone in the ass for me please." She hung up. "Colonel Clay's getting engineering free, Jack."

"Good. I knew he could. That's one reason I wanted him. That and to save him from idiots like that Max whiny boy." He looked up there. "Let me know when."

"Six targets left. Two of ours are injured by their readings on the system. Three now. Five targets." She winced. "Grenade and now two targets. Down and engineering's secure now, Jack. The dining hall's freed and the commander's hurrying toward the bridge. Sheppard's following him." She hit a few buttons. "Caldwell and Ellis to command." She hung up and waited on them. "Ship's free. Commander's heading to the bridge."

"We'll go help," Colonel Ellis agreed. "Send us please, Colonel Carter." She nodded, keying that in to Ellis's ship. They got beamed up and went to help.

John Sheppard came back with one prisoner held tight by the collar. He walked him into the gate area and handed him to the general. "Sir, this is the one that was in charge. He is not military or IOA. He doesn't even know what the IOA is or who we are. He thought we were a weird protective measure and was going to take us out so we could go to war with the Middle East by blowing up the White House in their name. There's two devices they were going to set off. Both in the basement areas." One of the higher ups was using that specially charmed cellphone to call that in. John shook the person. "As ordered, General, able to whine about his agenda at his hearing. The rest are being shipped down the traditional way under heavy guard. Who all have suits on in case they have to suddenly depressurize the jumper the city leant to this saving." He smirked a tiny bit. "Not that any of them could fly it anyway."

"Good work, Sheppard. Where's Mitchell?"

"Holding a few people hostage in our mess hall, sir. They tried to help General Landry make us commit treason with him. I'll be damned." Guards came in with Mitchell. "They gone?"

"In the brig, where they should be. In a gou'ald proof cell so they can't get out of them." He nodded. "Take him." They got the guy from John and hiked him off. "Sir," he said, saluting Jack. "Turning it back over to you, General. I hope it'll be many years before I take your place in that seat." He and John saw the President when he stepped out from behind his guard, saluting him. "Sir, didn't see you there."

"Sorry, sir," John agreed.

"As you were, boys," the president said with a hand wave. "What was this other general trying to do?"

"Take out part of the government and blame it on another country," Mitchell said. "Just like the last president had planned."

"I looked into those," Sheppard said. "McKay handed me reports on it when he looked actually. Apparently that's how the last president was going to get a divorce too."

"Landry was going to blow up the mountain," Mitchell said.

"His daughter's here," Jack reminded them.

"She screamed that at him, sir," Mitchell said. "I didn't know she could scream that way. Proved me wrong about her temper."

Sheppard nodded. "And Keller helped. They both refused to touch any of the injured people because they could not act professionally."

"Oh well. It won't kill them today," Jack said. "If so, pity." They both nodded and stepped back. "Boys, show our guests up to the bigger conference area. The usual meeting room only seats ten."

"Right this way, gentlemen," Mitchell said with a small wave. "I'm Colonel Cameron Mitchell, second in command to the program on this base. That is Colonel Sheppard, who is in charge of Atlantis so therefore third in command around here."

John nodded. "Welcome to the Stargate Command." He looked at the general, who nodded. "Let me go do a checking round and make contact with McKay before he blows up something." He walked off.

"Here, this cellphone was given to us by that young corporal," the head of the secret service said.

"Must be Jake's," John said with a smile. "He's a nice geek. Very balanced between geek and soldier. I wish I had a few of him on Atlantis." He tucked it into his pocket on the way out.

"Use it to call Xander to let him know we're all fine," Jack called after him. "And I'll call him later."

"Yup, I can do that, sir."

"Thank you." He looked at them, smiling some. "Xander would worry and might have some poker debts show up to help us." He followed them to the conference room where geeks gave reports to masses of uninterested people usually. Jack heard someone complaining up the hall and then a gunshot. "Sheppard, was that you?" he bellowed.

"Yes, sir. The head of the IOA still hates you and wants you to be eaten by the wraith. I told him to shut up and that we're under military quarantine. He got huffy, sir, and tried to grab my gun. Pity."

"Is he alive?" Jack called patiently.

"I didn't make his injury worse and he only shot himself in the leg, General. I'm pretty sure he'll survive to make us all miserable some more."

"Thank you. Any more show up, they're not allowed on the base."

"Yes, sir. Gladly."

"Who, exactly, is the IOA?" the head Marine asked bluntly, staring at Jack.

"The IOA are the idiots the president before last got pressured into putting over the program. They have people from multiple countries that don't contribute to the program who bitch about how we do things and why we do things," Jack said bluntly. "They hate me because I'm effective and I don't take their stupidity well."

"The people actually released a replicator on a ship on purpose," Daniel complained. He looked around. "My tablet." Teal'c handed it to him. "Thanks, Teal'c. I forgot all about it." He pulled up files on them. "That's the people that want detailed reports on what we find or figure out, how we created them, and how to make weapons from them."

"They never get that detailed of reports and I'll be damned if they're going to get full ones," Sam Carter told them with a smile. "Because they'd blow us all up. I am the head of Science here and I said so. They do not get weapons schematics. They don't get anything new on certain isotopes that are proven to be explosive under the right circumstances. Frankly, I'm not going to hand any of them anything because they'd all use them to blow us all up first and then themselves. Our duty to humanity is to not let that happen." The president was giving her an odd look. "I protected this planet from multiple invasions, sir. I'll protect them from power hungry idiots in command positions from other countries."

"That's nice. Do we participate?"

"We have a representative," Jack said. He looked at his teammate. "Be less militant, Carter. I know they think you're basically a calculator in human form and want to hand you to the NID to test on but still." He looked at the president again. "She let herself be used as a host so we could get critical information from a gou'ald source and since then the NID has decided she's only useful to rip apart."

Sam Carter nodded. "Pretty much," she muttered. "Sorry if I sounded militant but I have a good reason. If you had met the IOA people, you wouldn't want them to have access to algebra, much less higher maths and information either."

Daniel shrugged when they stared at him. "They hate me for various reasons. Including that I once ascended and got descended. My version of militant is to shoot them back when they try to capture me for testing." He handed over the tablet. "That's the IOA's present line up. They just switched a few people about six months ago. So far we've only seen one of the new ones and they demanded that we hand over samples of those explosive isotopes."

"It was pointed out she couldn't spell science correctly on her order to us," Sam Carter said. "And that we did not let those samples get out of ours or Area 51's hands for security reasons. She did not have the security rating at that time to know that they existed. Then we walked away while she ranted. I let one of the people with tact have her. I was having a nice, happy day until she showed up."

"Which one was she?" the president asked.

"The French one, sir. The UK, the US, and Canadian reps all try to act like people around us instead of power vacuums. Sometimes they'll even stick up for us. The IOA wanted us to not destroy an Ori fleet that was heading this way but was outside our solar system. They wanted us to wait to have the battle here, where it could potentially damage our sun or our planet."

The president winced. "So they're stupid." She nodded. "Great! We'll look at that afterwards." He looked at Jack. "Pull it all up and give us the short and nasty rundown, General. Then we'll discuss things."

"Yes, sir. Jackson? You know I can only do minor tech things." He went to pull up the show they had planned last night. It was too massive to fit onto the tablet and they wouldn't let them bring in a laptop. "We created this show last night so you'd get the faster version of what's happened in a history report format," he announced. "Then you can ask about specifics." They all nodded, settling in to see the movie file. It was an hour long. Once the president held up a hand so they paused it. He got that part explained so he allowed it to move forward. At the end, the mess hall brought down coffee and minor commercially made pastries to soothe their stomachs.

It was a kindness they'd appreciate before they got into nastier details.

They could go back to DC when it was safer and keep going over things for days of stomach complaints.

***

Jack came back from DC alone, looking at the people waiting on him. The group had went back to DC early the next day and had demanded Jack follow them back to finish this debriefing. "I'm back in charge. The Joint Chiefs actually told me I did good and warned me they were going to kick my ass if I had another battle and didn't tell them." Mitchell and Sheppard both smirked at that. "Let's go tell people."

"Yes, sir," Mitchell said. "Want to drive?"

"Not with the beer I had on the plane." He got into the back. The two colonels drove him off. "How bad was it while I was stuck with politicians?"

"Not too bad. One group came to protest," John said, turning to look at him. "They tried really hard to take pictures but Rodney did something that killed all electronics within half a mile from the gate. It worked for over six hours. By then they gave up."

"That's good of him. Our gear?"

"It worked. It's not on the same sort of electrical signal as commercially available digital cameras and phones."

"That's good. So more protests coming up?"

"Probably. Colorado Springs PD has put up a line about a mile from the gate since the entry's on a private road. Now you have to show ID at both gateways."

"Works for me," Jack agreed. He found his and put it beside him on the seat. John smiled. "Any other big problems?"

"Rodney ranted about the stupid people. The rest of us from Atlantis just watched with popcorn." Mitchell was laughing. "Cam, didn't some of yours yell?"

"Yup, but we just clapped for the drama."

Jack shook his head. "I hate the Marines going into drama queen mode." Both colonels smiled. "Any other happy news?"

"Sam Carter was dragging one of the IOA people that got let in to have her beamed into space but Radek stopped her unfortunately," John said. "The woman apparently called her a faulty project and clearly that possession had left her damaged and a danger to others so she tried to have the MP's arrest her so she could go through her office. The MP called that in and Mitchell told him to stick his foot up the IOA rep's ass."

"Bluntly and ordered him to broadcast it first," Cam said. "First checkpoint." He paused and held up his ID. "Sheppard, the general," he said with a point. Jack leaned up to show his ID. The officer nodded and let them in. He drove on. "We joked about ordering pizza and having to come out here to pick it up but Rodney went off on how stupid that idea was and how they'd probably try to poison us," Cam said, grimacing. "I asked if he needed more of a vacation than going to visit Xander and nag him. He spluttered and said Hawaii wasn't his vacation of choice. He wasn't into beaches, surfing or getting into polluted ocean water, or easy women like Sheppard was. If he was going to have a vacation he'd do it with class and go somewhere he didn't have to bake in the sun."

John nodded. "I suggested he go to a spa. He rolled his eyes so that's a possibility." They got up to the parking lot and got out, flashing their ID's as they were let through so they could start the long ride down to the office. Forty-three stories took a while but screaming met them a few floors before they were to get off. "That's not Rodney, Radek, or anyone I've heard screaming at minions," John quipped.

"Not a voice I recognize either," Cam said. The doors open and the screaming was worse. "General on site!" he bellowed. The soldiers watching the fight backed out of the way. The yelling woman yelled as she stomped over to get into Jack's face.

He stared at her. "Shut up." She glared. "I don't give a damn what you want. The IOA isn't in effect at the moment. The president is seriously thinking about changing our oversight. Secondly, you don't have rights to anything, lady. You may be IOA, that doesn't mean we're going to hand you harmful things so you can blow up the earth we've fought so hard to protect. If you don't like it, go give the president a blow job so he might consider it." She flinched back, shaking her head. "Thirdly! You are screaming on my base and I do not allow that! The only people allowed to yell and have fits here are me, my two colonels, Colonel Carter, and Dr. McKay! It's a list which you are not educated enough to land on because they all have at least two degrees."

"Still working on my master's actually, sir," Mitchell said dryly.

"Sorry, he'll be able to yell in a few months when he gets that piece of paper," Jack said sarcastically, staring down at the woman. "Fourthly, I don't care *what* being wants information on how to harness ZPM power or how to harness naqquadah as an explosive component. They're not getting it. We have a responsibility to guard the earth. Either of those subjects will kill a great many people. As Carter and McKay have both proven. So no, even if you demand it, shoot us, no. The information will be burned before I let you hand it over to various governments to tinker with so they can blow us all up. If you don't like it, again, find DC, give a blow job. Now, is there anything else?"

"You are not in control!" she snarled.

"I am in control. The Joint Chiefs and the president said I was. This is a US military installation. They're the only people who can say who is in charge. You have no right to try to put anyone behind the big desk because we are military run and headed. If you don't like it, find DC and give a blow job." He stared at her. "Anything else?"

"I'll have you arrested!"

"You go right the fuck ahead, lady. I could use the vacation." He stared at her until she shrank back. "Go. Away. Before I ask my nephew to have something eat you." She snorted, looking amused. "Steppuppy!" he called. A minute later a hellhound appeared. He smiled. "Thank you for helping us today. This lady is evil and wants to destroy everyone, including all of you." The woman was backing away from the dog. "Would you like a chew toy?" The dog sniffed her and grimaced but sat and stared at her. She was still backing away. Everyone got out of her way.

"Please? You can just use her to teach the little puppies how to hunt if you want. Xander said you do that sometimes." She tipped her head and nodded then howled. Four little hellhound puppies showed up, getting a few 'awws' from some of the personnel. "You have a good hunt. She's mean and wants to kill Sam and Daniel plus would want to kill Xander. He's my nephew now." The female licked his cheek and stalked after the human. She made it to the elevator and frantically pushed a button. The puppies looked at the big one. They went topside to wait on her. They'd have a good enough training hunt. She was easy prey.

"I feel sorry for the puppies if they bite that worthless waste of flesh," John quipped. "Any other screaming assholes?" They all broke up and walked off talking about it.

"The one that really likes my nephew tore the head off some drug dealers," Jack quipped with a grin. "Had a whole nest of them in Texas when we met him."

"Charming," Mitchell said. "Helpful but charming." He walked off. "I'm getting a beer."

"Save me one," John called after him. "Let me know when you want to debrief about Atlantis, sir." He walked off, following Cam to get his claimed beer.

Jack went up to his office to look things over. Someone had searched the office and left it a mess but that happened he guessed. The voicemail from David and Xander threatening to bring Xander back to fix that base if things were going to be that evil was funny. Someday he'd let Xander take over if he wanted to. The rest of the universe would never mess with them again.

***

Xander had tried to sneak away but David had caught him and had actually driven him to the meeting hall. He was following him as he walked in. The doors were shut so Xander kicked them open. "They're too heavy for us shorter ones to open," he said at the dirty looks he was getting. He walked up to look at the local demon council. "Okay, so some things you hadn't heard yet."

"Who are you to interrupt?" one demanded.

"The same Xander Harris I was in Sunnydale. And you're still a cunt. You were then, you are now. You'll probably never change." He gave her a pointed look. "The hackers that outed the Stargate program did it to protect you guys. Because this way the 'there's peaceful ones who just look funny' thing could be brought out for both communities."

"How dare you...." that councilor started.

"He's right," David admitted. "I talked to the kids too and I'm former SGC, ma'am."

"You're a human."

"Really? I hadn't noticed," he said dryly. "No, that's wrong, I know I'm taur'i. All the aliens made sure I knew that." She gasped. He stared at her. "We both talked to the hackers that started the project and the ones that actually outed it to protect the demon community."

"Otherwise there would've been a lot more attacks by people who decided you're all evil," Xander added. "And then they would've come a second time when the SGC got outed in a few more months because Atlantis was on the way home. Thankfully they got here early."

"The city's back?" one asked.

Xander nodded. "It's hidden under a cloak. The last president wanted the space fleet to blow it out of the sky. Uncle John's still swearing at those sort. Uncle Jack quit swearing in English again."

One of the councilors blinked at him. "You know of them?"

"When I got deaged, Halfrek had to give me to some relatives. There's Uncle Steve and his team locally, Uncle Jack and his people in Colorado, and my Uncle Jake who now works for Uncle Jack in Colorado," he said with a grimace. "But at least I'm at the age I should've been so I'm not a toddler now. That was awkward and annoying. I couldn't throw grenades at all."

The council all stared at him. "Why would you need to?" one demanded.

"Because he caught the people trying to bust in here and kill you all when we parked," David said. "He did a really sweet gas grenade toss while I called in support to arrest them."

"The humans wouldn't arrest those sort," that snotty one said.

"Uncle Steve's already arrested them," Xander said then smiled. "Uncle Steve said that bigots are assholes no matter their species or who they're against. As long as you're not terrorists or anyone like it, he doesn't care that you're peaceful citizens. Some of the PD isn't that liberal but a lot are. You're in paradise so apparently you're not evil." He waved a hand around. "Also, Uncle Steve said the governor wanted a meeting so they could talk about how to protect the locals.

"He's worried about the same sort that tried to attack the LA City Council. Though they got stopped by Gunn's people. Then someone tried to take out Gunn's people for being not like them." He stared at the snotty one. "By the way, your son's still fine. He's now a guardian of the demon shelter. Buffy told Uncle Jack that they had set one up."

She blinked. "I have not talked to my son but he lives in St. Louis."

"You're not that dumb," Xander told her. "Even if you hate your other son for having funny colored scales, he's still your egg. You should be really proud that he's protecting a lot of vulnerable beings."

"He is?" she demanded.

Xander nodded with a smile. "He got some advice from Gunn about how to set it up the best way but yeah, he's a guardian of the new shelter there. He's as big of an asshole as you are but he's doing a great thing."

"Thank you for letting her know," the head of the council said, then cleared her throat. "Your Uncle Steve?"

"Steve!" David called. "Are you free yet?"

Danny leaned in. "In a minute. He's lecturing one who's complaining that the military shouldn't put up with this." He went back to arresting idiots.

Xander looked up at David, who was shaking his head. "Most of us in the military are proud of anyone who's served honorably. If they're demons, partially or fully, and they served honorably then hoo-yah! You're my fellow vet." He looked out there at the sound of new cars driving up. "And one of them has an armored vehicle."

"I left something in the trunk," Xander quipped. "Can I go use it?"

"No," David said. "That's my fun. Excuse me for a moment." He walked out there and used the keychain remote to open the trunk, pulling out the case and slamming the trunk lid. Steve was blocking the armored vehicle from moving forward. David opened the case and pulled out the weapon. "Hey, Steve, move," he called right before he fired it at the armored SUV. The SUV flipped backwards and people around them screamed. David dropped the launcher. "We don't appreciate their sort on this island," he told one woman. "Bigots should live somewhere else. Maybe make their own country. That way they can make sure who comes in and all that." He walked over the launcher, grinning and waving at Steve. "When you're done, the Council wanted to ask you a question."

"Sure," he said with a grin. "Bring anything else?"

"Xander brought that. I only brought a few grenades. Mostly gas ones. Sorry."

"No, I'm happy with that." Officers were pulling people out of the flipped SUV.

Danny looked at David. "Don't teach the kid that. He's already too tough."

David grinned. "I do try but he's gotta protect his little pack of kids." He went back inside. The staring demons all got out of his way. "They're handled, kiddo."

"Thanks, David. Nearly as pretty as anything I've seen recently." He grinned up at him then at the Council. Steve strolled in. "This is my Uncle Steve. Head of the taskforce." Xander got out of the way.

"I like you too, kid." Steve nodded at the Council. "I'm happy to have stopped them. I hate people like them. They really need to move to their own country."

The Council smiled at him. "Thank you for that assistance. We were told that the governor wanted to talk to us?"

"Yes. That way they could go over the protection needs of the community. He saw the attacks in LA and was made aware of the ones in Chicago and he's worried we'll have to set up a safe commune area here."

"I would hope not," the head of the council said quietly. "I'm happy that some humans would help us protect ourselves."

"Most of the natives are the sort of live and let live." He smiled slightly. "We don't care what you are as long as you're Hawaiian and peaceful." She smiled back, nodding some. "We'll be sitting a few officers outside to make sure no one else tries anything that stupid. Before I have to borrow more of Xander's weapons."

"You borrow, you replace," Xander quipped. "I won't be able to play poker for weapons for a while."

"We can replace some of it, but by the time you're old enough to use the artillery, it'll be much different."

David looked at Xander then at him. "No one told Danny he had to protect his kid the other day?" he asked quietly.

"Excuse me?" Steve demanded, staring down at Xander, hands on his hips. "You did what?"

"You look like Danny when you do that," Xander quipped. "No one told you I rescued her the other day?"

"NO! We had no idea she was in danger. DANNY!" he bellowed. Danny strolled in. "Did you know your daughter had to be rescued recently?"

Danny blinked, staring at David. "Oh, no, not me, man. I heard about it when Xander called me for a desperate ride out of there. He blew the fuck out of the group that had her and they had to run before they got reinforcements because someone hit their alarm pendant. The kid had taken out the security alarm but it was independent. Then he had to stand in the corner for four hours while I calmed myself down so I could scream at him."

"I knew what I was doing."

"You're seven," David and Steve said together. "That's my job."

Danny waved his hand. "That's *my* job since she's my little girl." He looked at Xander. "Does Rachel know?" He would keep his temper for at least a few more minutes, when he could get the kid out of public view so they could have a *talk*.

"Do I look that stupid to you?" Xander demanded.

"No," Steve said. "Is Grace all right?"

"She's fine. She was scared but mad. She kicked a few and was sneering at the idiots who were taunting her about making you mad, Danny."

Danny wiped his face off and nodded. "The screaming will know *no* end when we talk about this later, Xander. We'll be teaching you how to do it right. After you're not hiding from the beating I should give you."

"Hey, I saved her," he said dryly. "You guys weren't even on the island that day."

"Oh, that day," Steve said. "Someone mentioned something was going on that was going to make us mad." He looked at Danny. Then at Xander. "We would've hurried back."

"I didn't think she'd have that much time. I tried to call Chin but his phone was busy and then went to voicemail."

"You should've called me," Steve said. "Or Danny."

"I'm not that dumb. The yelling wouldn't be finished before I had her rescued!"

David patted him on the head. "You could've told me. I would've handled it, Xander."

"We're trying to keep you out of sight," Xander told him. "So they don't assume who's helping things out here."

"Yay. I'm retired from the SGC at the moment. It's my job to do that stuff until you're old enough again." He stared at him. "Also, did you want to tell the other two parents who might be in here that their kids were there?"

Xander looked at one. "Your daughter was there too. The other was her buddy with the blue fur. They were fine, just huddled in a corner. Apparently they were talking with Grace so they took them all."

"I heard about that but not who rescued them." The mother stared at him. "You're a hunter."

"I'm formerly of the Sunnydale team. Unless they're evil, trying to hurt a person if they're not defending themselves, or doing something that would get them to be labeled as bad guy, I don't care. Vampires, yeah they're going most likely. Anyone else, I don't care unless they're bad guys."

She smiled and patted him on the head. "Thank you, Hunter."

He leaned closer. "I'm Xander," he said then smiled. "I'm always going to be a Xander. They could take my memories, turn me back into an infant, and I'd still be Xander." She giggled and nodded. "And let your daughter carry the taser I leant her. She might need it."

"I will. I had no idea she has one."

"She has mine," Xander said. "I'll get a new one." She nodded. "It's a close range weapon since it doesn't have detachable cartridges but it should still protect her."

"We can work on that," she said. "I would miss my little one." Xander grinned. She looked at the Council. "Let me go find her to make sure she's got it with her. She goes to an inclusive school."

"The one Grace goes to has an inclusive statement about accepting any race," Danny said. "Should hold up for yours too."

She smiled. "I hope so since they go to the same school." She got up and walked out. Once she had driven off she went off on a swearing fit but she was a mother and her daughter had been in danger.

Xander looked at Danny. Then at the council. "Sorry for that diversion of the topic at hand."

"No, it's very interesting," the head of the council said. "Who had them?"

"Bad guys who wanted to sell drugs but Uncle Steve beat them nearly to death the last time he caught them."

"We'll be talking," Danny said, patting Xander on the back of the head. "Though you were right not to tell Rachel." Steve shuddered. "So, how can we help the community help protect itself?"

The council smiled at him. "We will be discussing that most of today and tomorrow. Can we meet with you and the other higher ups that might need to talk to us tomorrow?"

Steve text messaged and nodded. "The governor is free from ten to noon tomorrow," he told them. "Is that a good time?" They nodded. He sent that back and put his phone up. "His assistant said it was a good thing." He smiled.

"Excellent. Were the hackers partially demons?"

"They were young and thinking tactically," Steve told her. "A few were partial demons that I know of. Not the whole group."

"I can see why the action was taken but our people outing that program would look bad on us."

"Or it could show that they're concerned about what the military will do *this* time," Xander reminded her. "Because I know most of you were." She nodded that was true. "Plus, looking for acceptance is not all that unusual."

"True."

"Also, General O'Neill has put a lot of pressure on the other dimensional natives label instead of demonic," Danny said.

"That would help a few of the species," the head of the council agreed. "Not all though."

"Uncle Jack got some history books from Giles," Xander said. They all smiled. "They knew about Ancients. Now they know about those before the Ancients." He looked at Steve then back at the Council. "Also, as a note, the slayer and most of the LA team have been made to think I was dead to ease their memories. Especially the witch that has a problem with her magic. She went from 'I'll fix you by taking you out of history' to sobbing about my age. And Anya's now a vampire."

"She sent him more things that she decided she didn't need right now," David told the pair of cops. "No more weapons but a lot more of those things."

Steve shook his head with a sigh. "Can someone remind her he's seven?"

"Eight," Danny corrected. Steve scowled at him. "He is."

"He is," Xander agreed with a grin.

Steve scowled at him. "We didn't even have a dinner to celebrate."

David waved a hand. "He didn't tell me."

"We're going to deprogram you from those bitches you knew," Danny said with a smile. "It's wrong not to celebrate your birthday." Xander shrugged. "Yay. It's important."

"Some woman wrote an article about how she doesn't give her kid holiday or birthday presents."

"Yeah, she's making her kid a bitter loner who has no self esteem or respect," Danny said. "I read that. Including the comments from some people who were raised that way who took *years* to get back to a healthier state of mind. You...you're going to start celebrating things. We do care, unlike them." Xander grimaced. "I used to celebrate Gracie getting an A on a test, Xander. Birthdays are huge and we'll start celebrating happy things." Xander shrugged again and moved back a few steps. Danny pulled him closer but Steve took him to pick up and walk off talking to him. He grinned. "We'll be back tomorrow for that talk."

"Have fun explaining things to him. The witch's parents were horrible as well and she passed that gift on."

Danny nodded. "I read a few of their books. I wouldn't trust them to raise a toad, much less someone with gifts like their kid's got." He walked off shaking his head.

David smiled. "Let us know if you need help from him, or myself. All I do all day is nag Xander to do homework but I'm well able to go on rescues and help plan things." He put down his number. "Just let us know." He left, going to save his adopted kid from the nagging uncles. At least he wouldn't have to run a raid to rescue the kid this time. Unless Kono got some of the extended family into it. Then all bets were off.

***

Kono walked into the office and paused at the yelling going on. She looked at David, who had suggested he come with her. "That bad?"

"Xander rescued three kids from some drug dealers who were going to blackmail Danny," he said with a smile. "One of them was Grace."

"Oh, fuck," she said. "That's not cute, brah."

"Not kidding. He called me to get them evacuated. He said he tried Chin's phone but it was voicemail and you guys were on another island."

She nodded once. "Wow. I want to hide now." She walked off. "Have fun rescuing the kid."

"Kono!" Danny called. "Xander didn't celebrate or note his birthday."

Kono winced. Now she knew why she had been called for backup. She came back to look at him then at the kid. "Do I look like a self-defeating little redheaded witch without manners?" she demanded. Xander slowly shook his head. "Then don't treat me like one, Xander. We would've thrown you a nice dinner. With cake even probably." She stared down at him. "We all need more happy times and you're the only little kid around us most of the time. So we're going to use you to have happy times. Suck it up."

"Fine," he muttered, curled up in a corner of the office couch. "I won't take your happies."

"We'd like to be happy because it's a happy day," Danny told him. "A birthday is supposed to be a happy time that your friends and family celebrate. We'd love to do that with you."

"Yes, sir."

Danny huffed but sat down beside the kid to hug him. "We'll get you used to more normal things but I won't tell Rachel or Gracie that you didn't tell us about your birthday. They'll go into fussing overdrive."

Xander looked up at him. "You can quit hugging."

"Nope. Hugs make you normal. Did for me." Xander huffed. "Tough. Suck it up before I tell my mother." He gave him a pointed look then a grin. "She'll be out here soon."

"Can I go hide in Colorado?"

"Nope. She wanted to meet you anyway. Grace told her about you." Xander slumped again. Danny cuddled him, grinning at Kono.

"She might be too heavy of a weapon, brah. Can he take that much fussing?"

"Well.... We might get to save him if she gets too bad." Xander looked up at him. "Maybe. She'll want to fuss over Grace more than you."

"I can hide like a mofo," Xander quipped. "Even in the woods. David, when his mom comes, we should go camping."

"Mothers like that would still find you," David said. "I told mine and she groaned but said she'd start sending cookies now and then."

"I don't mind cookies."

"She makes healthy cookies, kiddo."

"Still cookies."

"True." He shifted against the wall he was leaning against. Danny was smirking behind the kid's head. "Where did the SEAL go this time?"

"He's hiding from our discussion about how to handle having to save my daughter," Danny quipped. "He even took Chin with him to find that portable hole."

Kono shook her head. "I'd hide from that too. Have you finished that talk?"

"Yup. For now." He stared at Xander. "Haven't we?"

"I'll call if I can. Though I did try."

"No, you call me about Gracie. Not Chin."

"He wouldn't have yelled and screamed that long."

"Yeah," Danny snorted. "You call *me* about my daughter, Xander. Or Steve if you can't get me. If I'm in the hospital I'll let Steve save her for me."

"Sure, I get that," he said, wiggling to get free. "Can I go pee?"

"Fine." He let him go. "Come right back here. We'll be waiting." He grinned. Xander huffed but went to the bathroom. He considered going to hotwire the car but he was too short to reach the peddles and see over the steering wheel. Plus Steve was now parked right behind their car. Though there was a bus stop.... He washed his hands then sighed, looking back outside. Nope, there was Chin. "Save me, man?" he begged.

"If you did something for Danny to yell at you, take it like the miniature man you are," Chin shot back.

"He's already yelled at me for saving Grace."

Chin stared down at him. "You did *what*?" he demanded. Steve came strolling in. "He did what?"

"Yeah, that call from him where he didn't leave a message? That was him calling you to tell you Grace and a few other kids had been taken hostage," Steve said. "We weren't nearby so he went in and saved her himself but had David show up to evacuate them."

"Did Danny not hear about this until today?"

"A few hours ago. I'm surprised the yelling's done with," Steve said, looking down at Xander.

"He's already threatened me with his mother," he complained.

"Oh, and we missed his birthday because he never told us," Steve told Chin.

Chin stared down at him, then shook his head. "I should take him to a family dinner." Xander shrank down, shaking his head. "That way there's a lot of fussy people who would *love* to mentor him into turning into me. Or Kono." David leaned out. "We blocked in your car."

"Probably a good idea, even though that make and model of car needs the computer chip on the key to start." He wiggled a finger in the universal 'come here' motion. "He knows you're stalling. He heard Chin."

"Fuck," Xander muttered. Steve swatted him for swearing but walked him back in there.

Kono looked at Chin. "I'm going to tell a few of the cuz's about him."

"I was going to do it the easy way and bring him to a family dinner with David."

She stared at him. "That's evil, Cuz. Mostly to David."

He smiled. "Somewhat."

David shook his head. "I'll let you help him but I don't need more relatives. I've got plenty, thanks."

"Have they met the kid?" Chin asked.

"He doesn't need more warped," David complained. "It'd be worse than the guy who just married the lady with three daughters that almost got custody of him."

"I would've hidden myself *so* fast," Xander quipped. "Before I became more of a mule."

Kono looked at him. "Those girls of yours were fashionable but dumb not to appreciate you." The kid hugged her and tried to escape the office. Steve stopped him and handed him back to Danny with a smile. "That's mean, Steve," Kono said, swatting him on the bicep.

"Danny's the experienced parent here." He looked down. "Tell me who those evil idiots were so we can go beat them again?"

David coughed and handed over his phone. "Pictures?"

"That'd help, yes." He got into the recent pictures file. A few cute ones of Xander napping on a stuffed animal. One of Xander underneath the stuffed animal, which suddenly seemed to have teeth. Steve held that one up. David groaned and shook his head. "Sure," Steve decided. He found the ones he wanted and downloaded them into their system. Two came up pretty fast and Kono recognized another so was pulling up their file. Steve looked at the other pictures then showed one to David. Who pointed at Xander. He let Xander see it.

"Grace said that normal women aren't built like that. I showed her they were." He shrugged. "She's the one that was rollerblading in a bikini, bouncing all the way." He waved his hands around. "I had to take a picture of that. I'm a guy."

"Yeah, you will be again some day soon," Steve decided. He handed the phone back and got into the files. David pointed so Kono ran that face through the system as well. "It looks like that wannabe street gang is back, Danny."

Danny came out to look and nodded. "Yeah, we can talk to 'em again." He stared down at Xander. "If there is a next time, which I hope there will not be or I'll be destroying someone *very* hard, what are you expected to do?"

"Call you directly instead of someone calmer and let you scream while David and I rescue her?" Xander quipped.

Danny smirked, hugging him. "Exactly." He let David have the boy. "I'll talk to Gracie later tonight."

"Her mom's having mood swings," Xander warned. "She was sobbing because one of Grace's schoolmates lost her pet cat for a few hours."

Danny sighed. "I remember those. You two go play in the sun or something." They nodded, letting them get back to work. He looked at Steve. "My mother has heard about him somehow."

"I pity the kid hiding from all the fussing," Steve quipped.

"Yeah, could be." They got back to work finding those idiots. Then they'd go talk to Grace.

***

Danny showed up at Rachel and Stan's house that night, nodding at Stan. "Come walk with me and Grace, Stan."

"I am her mother," Rachel said firmly.

Danny looked at her. "Did you know your daughter got taken from the car that picks her up?"

Rachel stared then at her daughter. "Why did I not hear of this?" she demanded coldly.

"Because you have a blood pressure problem," her daughter told her. "You need to keep it down. I'm fine, Danno." She grinned.

"Yeah. Let's talk anyway, give your mom time to calm down."

"You didn't tell me you had to rescue her?" Rachel demanded.

Danny stared at her. "I didn't hear a thing about this until today, Rachel." She flinched back. "So we're going to go over proper procedure for this problem. Because I should've been her call, not someone else." He walked her and Stan out, driving them off to talk somewhere Rachel couldn't have a fit on them. He stopped the car and turned to look at his little girl. "So," he said.

"I called David," she admitted. "I had his number memorized and I had heard earlier you were off the islands, Dad."

Stan blinked at her. "When were you going to tell us?" he demanded.

"Never." She looked at Danny again. "They were weakly threatening me for daring to exist on their islands and were going to take out the two kids with me because they're at least partially demonic."

"I heard," Danny agreed.

"I complained his breath smelled like raw onions and he sneered but he didn't try to hit me or anything, Danno. I was killing time because I knew someone would tell you."

"Why didn't the driver tell us?" Stan demanded. She shrugged. "I'll be fixing that later," he assured them. "Or possibly letting Rachel vent on them."

"I don't want her to have problems so I wasn't going to tell her. It was scary but Danno taught me how to handle things like that when I was littler in case a bad guy came after the family for him solving something." She looked at her father. "I did what you said. When they wanted me to call someone, your phone was off." Danny grimaced. "So I called the next best thing to the team, David. I got Xander and he said he'd tell David, then he showed up and used a few things then David showed up to finish the rescuing."

"We had a *long* talk with Xander earlier for that," Danny told her, looking smug. "The kid didn't let us know more'n trying to call Chin's phone the once. We also had a talk about how he should've told David so he could've helped him rescue you three." He stared at her. "Seriously, daughter?"

"Your phone was off," she defended. "You were too far away too."

"Yeah, we'll go over that later," he said. She slumped down. "So. Damn. Grounded," he assured her. She slumped further, nodding some. "Why didn't you mention it later since it's been a week?"

"I didn't think they'd come back and you'd freak out."

"Ya think?" he shot back.

"I'm about to," Stan said. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"For the same reason. I thought it was done with and they weren't going to try again."

"Hell no they won't be trying again," Danny said. "We talked to 'em earlier in that nice, had a lot of officers with us, way." She shivered. "Even Steve's pissed off that they tried that. He proved it by blowing up their living room and the drugs." She winced. "So yeah, we wanted to hear, daughter. Sooner than a week. Like that night when you could've called in an 'I'm okay' call and then avoided telling me why." He tipped her face up. "Which was part of that talk, wasn't it?"

"Yes, Danno," she sighed.

"And we know what got you grounded for *weeks*?" She pouted but nodded. "Good! Because I nearly lost my damn mind! If we hadn't been in front of the local demon council, I would have lost my damn mind. Next time you're even looked at funny, I want to know as soon as humanly possible to handle it for you. Like Xander, you're a little kid and that's *my* job. You can't do it until you've either started to hunt demons after you're eighteen or you've joined the military or the police force!"

"Yes, Danno," she said quietly, looking down.

He pulled her closer to hug her head. "I'd be really mad if you had gotten hurt," he said more calmly. "So I will know as soon as you humanly can, daughter. Especially if someone else has to rescue you." She nodded against his shoulder. "Thank you!" He let Stan hug her. "Now, we need to have that talk again, don't we?"

"No. I still remember the last one," she said quickly.

"Uh-huh. This way your other father and your mother know you know how to handle it properly and that you're taking good defensive actions when needed. That way no one else has to hear the fit any of us nearly threw. Kono was so mad she lapsed out of English for almost an hour. Steve decided to swear in another language for nearly as long."

Stan winced but nodded. "I think mine should be doing the same but I'm not that fluent." He stared at her. "I think we should all have that talk so I know how to handle it if you're taken again."

"There's only been one other case that threatened her," Danny told him. "And that was a mob case. I made my point that they don't come near my baby girl. With a baseball bat to his desk admittedly." He grinned. "Before I sent his kid into CPS custody for him being a thug and his mother being ineffective." Stan shivered at that. "So we can go talk with your mom about this. Just in case."

"Yes, Danno," she sighed. "Mom's going to have a huge fit."

He checked his watch. "It's been twenty minutes so she should be calmer now. Down to huffing and coldly British instead of screaming and ranting." He looked at her. "Own up to it, daughter."

"Yes, Danno."

He started the car, turning around to buckle up and then driving them back to their home. Rachel threw open the door when he parked. He got out. "I reminded her of the talk we had when I had that mob case," he told her. "We're going to go over it again."

"I don't want her harmed," she said firmly.

"These pussies, they were a wannabe gang. They thought she was Steve's daughter." Rachel winced. "They wanted to react against Steve for arresting most of 'em by blackmailing me with her safety. Thankfully he blew up most of their drugs earlier. She did try, which I applaud. She had some sense. When she couldn't get me, she tried for David."

"But...." Rachel said. Grace scurried past her. "You're in deep, daughter!"

"I agree," Stan said as he got out of the car. Danny locked it as they headed inside. "Grace!" She came out of the kitchen with a drink. "Sit." She did. "Let's go over what happened and how you should handle it in the future so we all know."

Danny nodded. "We can do that."

"Who rescued her?" Rachel demanded, slamming the door.

"Xander," Grace said. Rachel went on a spluttering fit, shaking her head. "David got there to finish it and evacuate us. I was with a few schoolmates so we could work on a project. They were demonic so the thugs were sneering at them. They didn't even try to hurt me, Mom. Just sneered and annoyed me. I told the guy sneering at me to brush his teeth because his breath smelled like raw onions." Rachel moaned as she sat down, holding her head.

"We had a talk with Xander earlier when David let us know that there had been an incident," Danny told her. He looked at his little girl. "It was almost evil of you to tell your grandmother about him. Xander's still so freaked out by all that stuff he forgot to tell us about his birthday on purpose."

Grace glared at him. "That needs to be stopped!"

"We're working on it but your grandmother is about to come smother him with attention he'll hide from." He looked at Rachel again. "We were off the island to arrest someone in Lihue," he told her. "My phone was apparently not working at that time. So she called David, which I do not mind if the guys aren't around."

"I knew David could help me," Grace agreed. "He's got training like Steve outside the SEAL stuff." She sipped her drink.

Rachel made herself calm down. "In that circumstance I don't mind you calling in David," she admitted. "He could definitely help you. I mind not hearing immediately when you got rescued."

"Last week?" Stan asked her. "That's something I'm upset about as well, Grace."

Danny nodded. "The correct thing to do is what?"

"To resist the kidnapers but not to upset them enough that they want to hit me," she recited. "Offer to call someone so they can ransom me or gloat or whatever. The order of calling is you, Steve, Chin, Kono, David," she said. Danny nodded at that. "I'm to resist them giving me any drugs or trying to knock me out. But I am not to resist to the point of being hit or anything like that. It's better to be unconscious and alive than wake up in the hospital from broken things."

"Good paraphrasing," Danny said dryly. "Where were you three?"

"The driver had just dropped us off at the large mall. Our research project needed a survey about public opinions on putting up a new park." Danny nodded once. "The driver got back into the car and before he could drive off we were snatched." She sighed and sipped her drink again. "They only had us for maybe an hour. They were going to call Danno to blackmail him into making Steve leave us alone. They thought he paid me so much attention in a strange way. I didn't correct the thought that I was Steve's daughter instead. It would've caused more problems."

"Good job," Danny agreed. "That was fast thinking." Rachel huffed. "It could have gotten her hurt more. If they didn't think she had use, they might've just...well..." Rachel moaned, slumping in her chair. "That part of it was good. But still, daughter."

Grace nodded. "I should have told you as soon as we got free. Even just an 'I'm fine' voicemail," she sighed.

"Yeah, that would've gotten my attention and we would've handled them much sooner," Danny agreed. "As is, *so* damn grounded."

"Yes, Danno," she huffed. "How long am I grounded for?"

"Life," Rachel told her. "Your entire life!" She got up and stomped off.

Danny leaned down to look at her. "At least those guys were wannabe bad guys," he said quietly. "But I'll be damned, daughter."

"Yes, Danno."

"Thank you. Before I have an ulcer." He stared at her. "You knew better when you did it."

"I did."

"See, I knew you were smart." She rolled her eyes so he patted her on the head. "Next time, I'm letting Chin and Kono yell for me then I'll finish it."

"I can avoid that," she said. "It'd take forever and I'd have to look up some of the bigger words."

He nodded. "Probably." She slumped but finished her drink. "Stan, anything to add?"

"No, you covered my objections," he said quietly and calmly. "Though I will be yelling myself, Grace."

"Yes, Stan. I'm sorry I disappointed you both." She slumped, pouting at them.

"Keep it up, I'm making you shop for Xander and with your grandmother when she makes it out here to torment him."

She shivered. "That's kinda mean, Danno."

"Ya think?"

"Yes, Danno."

"Good girl." He patted her again then kissed her on the forehead. He looked at Stan. "Let me know how long the grounding lasts. That way I can make sure we don't do fun things during visitation."

"I can do that," he agreed. "It's probably going to be next year however."

Danny nodded. "Makes good sense to me."

"She can get free of it for her prom," Rachel called.

"We can arrange things so that's happening," Danny called. He looked at his daughter then smiled at Rachel when she came back in. "Be gentle with nagging Xander about not telling us about his birthday too please. He's still freaked out about normal attention. Especially since Grace told my mom about him."

"That's almost evil, daughter." She looked at her then at Danny. "I won't do more than hug him for rescuing her and then nag him about not telling me about this."

"We had an hour long talk about that earlier," Danny said with a grin.

"Mine won't be as long but it will be thorough." She looked at their daughter then at Danny. "Was she injured?"

"First I heard about it was today," he admitted. They both looked at Grace.

"A bruise on my upper arm and some soreness from being hauled up by it," she admitted. "I did a heating pad for a few days. It's fine now. If I had been hurt, I would've told you. Unlike Uncle Steve, I don't avoid the ER if I need it."

"I don't care if you don't have a hair out of place," Danny reminded her. "Even if you don't tell your mom, you tell *me*. If I have to, I'll tell your mom. Because I know you hide stuff to make her feel better so her blood pressure doesn't come alarmingly high again."

"I can do that," Grace agreed, not looking at her mother.

Danny looked at her. "If I hear, you will. You know that."

"I do," she said firmly, glaring at her daughter. "Though I should hear from her myself. Then we're going to be talking about that older gentleman who was staring at you the last time we went shopping."

"How old?" Danny demanded. "Because I'll arrest a pervert so damn fast it's not funny."

"I couldn't prove why he was staring at her since she was still in her school uniform and was getting her hair cut," Rachel admitted. "If he comes near her again I'll be sure to let you know."

He smirked at her. "Sure. Just take his picture too so we can find the gentleman for that talk."

"Gladly." She looked at Stan.

He waved a hand slightly. "I would rather hear from Grace herself but if she can only tell one of us, she should tell Danny so he can handle it and then tell us."

"I can do that," Danny promised. "Steve said the same thing and he'd tell me if she couldn't get me because I was on the stand or something."

"I like that idea," Stan agreed. "It's good we have a strong support network around us."

"Ohana," Grace reminded him. "It's family."

"Family is important," Stan agreed, patting her hand. "Go put your glass in the sink." She went to do that. He looked at Danny. "Was she injured?"

"Xander mentioned a few bruises when I asked."

"That's good then. How did he rescue her?"

"Some of his grenades." Stan sighed, shaking his head. "He was doing good and then one had an independent alarm that he triggered. David evacuated them so at least he did call in adult help."

Stan shook his head. "I'd rather he let David handle it but I'm glad he did manage it. Though I think I already have an ulcer from this event."

"It's not real often, Stan," Danny assured him. "It's only happened once before and I stopped it then."

"That's good. I'd hate to have to get more security for them." He looked at Rachel. "We'll hire a tougher driver."

"That's a good thing," she agreed, trying to pretend to be calm. "Grace." She came back, handing over her mother's phone. "Who? Oh, your grandmother." She answered her mother and put the phone down. "I won't be telling her about this. The fit will be a few weeks long and it will interrupt our vacation." The demonic hunting cat came slinking out and hopped onto Grace's lap to get some petting time in. Grace smiled, petting it. Rachel looked at her ex-husband. "They are done with?"

"Yeah. We made *real* sure they're not gonna do it again, Rachel."

"Thank you." He looked at Grace and she nodded she had it. He winked and left so they could talk to her. Rachel looked at her daughter. "I will hear about anything that threatens you from you yourself unless you are in the hospital," she said quietly. "Am I clear?" Grace nodded, not looking at her. "Good. Go to bed." Grace ran up to her room with the cat. Rachel looked at Stan. "It was a worry I used to have but he made sure nothing came near us."

"I appreciate that and I'm sure it's something normal that officers have to deal with at least once in their careers." He pulled her closer to cuddle her. "At least she's fine."

"She is. I need to make Xander a cake."

Stan smiled against her hair and kissed her on the temple. "He does love cake."

***

Xander was shoved into an office before Danny and the others ran off, taking David with them. He huffed, looking up. "I could've helped!" he complained loudly.

"No you can't. Steve's word is law," an amused male voice said patiently. Xander turned to look at him. "Who're you?"

"Xander." He grinned. "You're Jerry aren't you? Danny described you pretty darn well."

"I am." He shook his hand. "Why did they shove you in here?"

"Because some big boogerhead is going to try to kill everyone again," he said impatiently.

"Boogerhead is the official term?" Jerry asked with a grin.

"Well, yeah, his head is made of ectoplasm and it's even icky green booger colored." Jerry blinked. Xander grinned. "Someone summoned it to defeat a group trying to get into the local peaceful community. Steve said I can't go set it on fire, even though that's how you kill it."

Jerry stared at him then sighed and nodded. "That's a great thing to know." He sat down. "So what else do you do, Xander?"

"A lot of things. Depends on the day." He walked over to see what he was doing. "Steve said you do a lot with conspiracies."

"I do. It's a hobby." He let the kid see what he was doing.

Xander leaned forward to read, then grinned and pointed. "That's SGC, Jerry."

"Crap. I was hoping it was another program. How can only one program deal with things?"

"They have the ring thingy that opened." Xander shrugged. "It's pretty and in Egyptian."

"You've seen it?"

"Pictures of it. The Watchers Council has books with it in there. Something about an ancient war but Giles took the book from me before I got too interested because it wasn't involved in the demon that gave someone telepathy by infecting her."

"Huh?"

"Like werewolves, some demons can infect you with their blood," Xander said. Jerry nodded slowly at that. "These white, mouthless ones that Buffy was fighting once gave her telepathy that way," he said dryly. "Took a bit for us to figure it out and how to cure it before it drove her batty."

"How do you know this?"

"Before I got wish deaged I was the guy that backed her up," he said then smiled. "They did a bit of a memory thing so she doesn't think I'm still alive so it's not as painful for her."

Jerry stared at her. "You're that Xander?" Xander grinned and nodded. "Why are you here?"

"Steve's dad and my shithead donor served together so he's like a godfather. So's Uncle Jack in Colorado. Uncle Jake's actually a step-uncle but he's active duty spec ops so he's really busy for Uncle Jack."

Jerry stared at him then moaned and shook his head. "I need you to verify some things for me."

"Sure. On which subject?" He hopped up to sit on the table so he could see the screen better while Jerry was typing. "If that's Willow, she got the same memory helper since she went from 'damn it, we have to fix it' to 'I have to remove Xander from history so no one gets bothered by this' to 'wow, my addiction just slipped, oops sorry'," he said blandly.

"No, not Willow. Fred."

"I think she might still remember. She's nicely cool and all that. Only met her once but she was like Willow started out only really smart instead of just kinda smart, and she was the sort of geeky girl I would've loved to flirt with even though she's not really dangerous or deadly. Ask her if she knows where Anya's hiding so I can keep track of her?"

Jerry looked at him. "Who's Anya?"

"The girl I was dating who made the prompted wish to make me tiny again."

"That's kind of evil."

"Yeah but she has no outlet for it since she's not a vengeance demon any more."

Jerry stared at him oddly. "You dated a vengeance demon?"

"She lost her job." Xander shrugged. "She wanted to go to the prom so I took her and the sex was good. After graduation and my roadtrip she came back and the sex was still good so we ended up dating and I was going to marry that woman. Probably."

"Wow." He typed that note and Fred said to say hi. "She said hi back. Anya's in Texas sucking up to a cult of people who like vampires."

"Hmm. I heard about them but they like to sacrifice them to gain the powers they hold. I hope she'll be okay." Jerry typed that in. Xander took the keyboard to type at Fred, telling her where to look for that information. They had a branch of them in LA. She sent back a thank you, Xander, and he grinned, sending back a virtual blown kiss. He handed back the keyboard. "What sort of Sunnydale thing did you need verified?"

"Why was the military in your town?"

"To torture demons or anyone who had gifts." Jerry turned to stare at him. "Supposedly they were trying to figure out how to gain their gifts and skills to gift to military people or to recruit some species into the military for special jobs. So yeah, they tortured a lot of demons. Some people who have magic too." He took the keyboard back and got into another screen to go searching for those files. He knew where Willow had stored them all. He let Jerry have his keyboard back. "That's their stuff that Willow hacked. She put something on their system and downloaded it."

Jerry and Fred looked through it. "They tested on their own people too?"

"Yeah. Their original head was going to make a monster that was part demon and part fallen soldier. We had to do mystical stuff to get him gone. Then we raided the base." Jerry looked at him. "They had a friend the first time. That time it was time for them to go bye-bye." Xander shrugged. "Almost all of them belong under hell instead of in it, but you don't get everyone agreeing on that. Buffy defends Riley; I think he knew what those beings he captured and tazed were going to go through before they died." He shrugged again. "They were dating though."

Jerry slumped, going back to the information and telling Fred that bit. "Finn's new team is in LA to help with anything relating to the uprising recently."

"It wasn't an uprising, it was an invasion and a plot by some higher demons. To be honest, I hope the LA community will kill him for it. He deserves it for what he did."

"Have you had to torture anyone?" Jerry asked without looking at him.

"Once. He had some kids hostage so I kinda beat him a bit." Jerry turned to stare at him. "He was a bad guy. I'd never touch anything harmless. That time, those kids were going to die."

"In your town?"

"In Oxnard when I was on my roadtrip. One of the half-demon strippers had her kids taken by her husband's new friends. I got one of them and asked him less than politely to use a Danny-ism. I got them free and they weren't too banged up. Long before the sacrificial rite and all that. And no, no one heard. Those demons went down and didn't come back up. The demon they were trying to summon showed up after I got the kids free and ate them so I didn't even have to pretend to call 911 and instead get a hunter onto them."

Jerry blinked a few times. "Wow."

"Yeah but necessary. They were innocent little kids." He pointed. "Fred's panicking." Jerry moved to type at her again. "She heard?"

"Gunn heard." He looked at him. "There is that rumor mill."

Xander grinned. "I knew about that. That's half of why I played kitten poker." He smiled. "And if someone tells Buffy she'd still deny it because I'm supposedly normal."

"No you're not."

"I knew that before then." He patted Jerry on the arm. "Relax. I'd never do anything mean unless I have to so innocents are protected."

"Is that why you saved Danny's little girl?"

"Yup. She needed it."

"He know that?"

"Yup. Yelled for over an hour." Jerry winced. Someone knocked on the door. "We're magnificent but not doing anything naughty," he called. Max, the ME, walked in. "Hey, Max. What's up?"

He stared at the little kid. "Come identify a species please. That way we can notify them."

"Sure." He hopped down. "Want me to come back, Jerry?"

"Please. I'd like to make sure nothing like them is going on again."

"They are and I'm *so* there to help fix it," Xander quipped. "Even if I have to start doing magic myself." He followed the ME to the morgue, looking at the body. "She's human. I think. There are some species that look almost identical so it's really hard to tell. Or vampires, who used to be human."

"Not that one." He checked around before opening a drawer.

Xander got onto a chair to look at her. "That's a bad thing. She's a shape changer." He grimaced. "She's not a were, but another type, some type of flying one. That's really bad." He found his cellphone, just given to him by David that morning, and called. "Hey, Mary-Beth, it's Xander. The ME needs to talk to Hillbourough. Yeah, that ME. Thank you." He hung up. "She's free this afternoon and she's the local community records keeper."

"Do these ones naturally have shedding skin?" Max asked.

"No. And there's pelt hunters but I don't think they would've taken her kind for that."

"Hmm. Feathers?" Xander nodded, turning around to sit down. "Interesting. Any taboos about autopsies?"

"Not that I'm aware of. I can call again."

"That's fine. I can wait until this afternoon and work on the lab work for her." He looked at the body then under her shoulder. "That looks like it might have been a tattoo."

"Yeah, they have a clan marking that shows up when they're born and changes when they mate to lay eggs. Each time I think because they don't form lifetime bonds."

"Good to know. I'll ask about that then. Thank you, Xander. Let me escort you back."

"Okay." He hopped down and followed Max back. He had met some of the other officers that were in the offices down this way once when he was trying to escape Danny and Chin nagging. They weren't really nice people and thought they should've put him into a jail cell for not being escorted. "You guys are so much more reasonable than the ME in Sunnydale, who spent most of his night locked in his office just in case someone came up off the table. They made up *so* many records."

Max looked at him. "I looked up that town when Steve told us about you. Your local department was pathetic."

"They never came out of the office," Xander said dryly. "They made up results too. I think they used D&D dice to see which excuse they were going to use for each death. That's why we had so many who died by barbeque fork. It must've been 3 on the D6 die. That always came up more often for me," he said at the odd look.

"Barbeque fork?"

Xander nodded with a grimace. "Or animal attacks or chainsaws a few times a year, or gangs on PCP." Max grimaced. "They even got some of the ones that were killed by the hospital by accident."

"We should have someone look into that." He knocked and opened the door of the office Jerry was using for now. "Here you go, one miniature warrior."

Jerry waved him over. "Come look at this, kid. See if it's them."

Xander hopped up to look at the monitor, shaking his head. "No, that's a different group. They're out-sourced NID fuckers from Area 51." He looked at Jerry. "They're the people that keep trying to capture Uncle Jack."

"Charming!" He and Fred, and now someone else, was talking. "Your Uncle Jake said hi."

"Tell him I said hi back and go have some candy. He could probably use some today since I heard that there's some not-gou'ald who had gotten free of Colorado to travel."

Jerry typed that in. "He wanted to know if you meant the Tokra."

"Is that what they're called? They pretend to have a union with their snakes and don't. It can still take over."

"Yeah, that's Tokra," Jerry said after typing that in. "He'll tell someone."

"Cool. Maybe Uncle Jack and Uncle Jake can have candy together. They probably need it more than beer. A few of the groups that watch the mountain's people said that they've been drinking too many dinners and not eating enough food so they need the calories."

Jerry typed that in then smiled. "He agreed and they could use the sugar anyway." He looked at him. "Steve's on his way back."

"That's cool. Did he get the boogerhead?"

"Yes he did. He even set it on fire."

"Cool." He looked at Max since he was staring. "You have to set their booger textured and colored heads on fire to kill them but they can explode if you use higher level stuff to start the fire. I used a road flare once and had to get out of the way really fast. I hope Kono can duck really well since the thing probably was trying to flirt with her." Jerry and Max were both staring at him oddly. "They like pretty girls and they can cross-breed. We went to school with a kid who was a quarter one and he was okay until puberty then he started to leak booger liquids from his eyes and ears so he had to home school."

"Do they have a proper species name?" Max asked.

"Probably but I never saw them in any of the books Giles used to have in the school's library. Boogerhead was Buffy's name for them. We just adopted so we understood what she was talking about sometimes." He shifted in the chair. "They're generally peaceful unless they're in heat. So if one was attacking some of the community it was either high, spelled, or in heat and desperately looking for a cure since them being in heat can kill them. Hopefully without killing the other party since Spike's former porn movies showed that they leak the booger fluid during sex and it gets everywhere in mass quantities."

"Why did you end up watching the other guy's porn?" Jerry asked. He had started recording when Xander had started to talk so Fred could hear.

"Spike's a master vampire who has a chip thanks to the Initiative fuckers. Giles used to tie him up in his spare bathtub but Giles had a girlfriend coming in so I got to host him in my recliner, where I duct taped him for days on end." He grinned. "I didn't want him to do anything icky to me. He couldn't hurt a human but he could do a lot of icky things to torment us. Sometimes he poured blood into my cereal as I ate it. Sometimes he slept with my mother." Xander shrugged then grinned. "Vampires are kinda icky. I don't see how anyone can sleep with one but I guess he was good enough at it since it happened more than once."

"Eww," Max said. "Thank you for sharing, Xander." He walked off shaking his head. Maybe he'd find a compact manual so he didn't have to ask anyone what a dead body was sometimes. He saw the team coming back. Steve was covered in ectoplasmic goo. "So that's what he meant by spraying if you used too high of an accelerant."

Steve grimaced. "Yeah, probably." Danny was grinning behind his back. Steve glared back at him then at Max. "Where is the kid?"

"With Jerry hacking a government project," Max said. "I had him identify and call someone about the unusual body we found late last night."

"That's fine," Danny agreed. "He's probably seen worse."

"At least in the vampire Spike's pornography collection," Max agreed. "Spike was apparently a hostage vampire at times so he got to watch some of his tapes." He walked off. "Do I have a new body?"

"No, they took him," Danny said. "Apparently he was in heat. They have male bearing like seahorses."

"Interesting." Max went to hide in his morgue. It was much easier than thinking about demon things.

Steve looked at Danny. "Let me go clean up and then we'll talk to the kid about not sharing as much."

"Yeah, I can do that." He went down to where Jerry was hiding. Xander was sitting on the desk again so he could see the screen. "Let him have chat sex or whatever."

"He and Fred were making sure the Initiative idiots were gone for good," Xander said. "Because Riley Asshole Finn showed up in LA with a team to torture the demon community to go back into hiding."

"Tell Steve that, maybe he knows someone who can correct his thinking." He grinned at Jerry. "He helpful?"

"Very helpful." He smiled at the kid then at Danny. "He knows a lot about a few things that are very interesting and starting to get a lot of attention."

"Don't out the wraith yet," Xander warned. "They're super icky bad guys from Uncle Jack's project that just got back and they'll cause a panic."

"I think most of us who would out something like that decided that your Uncle Jack's people did insane things that would turn most of us into alcoholics to deal with," Jerry told him. "Some even think that they have their own special brand of psych meds for that."

Xander grinned. "Beer sometimes but not that David's said. Also, the wraith are people eaters."

"Ah!" Jerry nodded. "People will freak out about people eating aliens, yeah. We can hide those until they start to come out."

"Cool. Tell Fred I said to have some jell-o. She likes it." He bounded off with Danny following.

Jerry moaned but typed that into the chat screen. Jake laughed but said that they used regular stress reduction methods, a lot of which seemed to be native populations who needed sperm. And some beer sometimes.

Fred agreed she needed more jell-o, she was out, and she was starting to miss having a normal guy like Xander around because he'd bring down the slayer's attitude problem. Plus he was cute by what Jerry's camera had captured. He clearly needed more cookies.

Xander walked in rubbing his head and took the keyboard, typing something to Fred and told her to get Wesley to translate that since he could stop them from taking her to be a host body for an ancient demon queen. Also it would save Wesley from tangling with Angel over his son's future. Then he walked off rubbing his forehead some more.

Jerry typed in what had happened and Fred said she was already calling Wes. Jake translated it for her and she moaned but her little icon had 'yelling for a watcher' as a status now.

***

Jake carried his laptop into Daniel's office, interrupting Jack picking on him. "Hey, Jackson, is this one of ours or one of theirs?" He let him see the message.

Daniel looked her up. "Ancient demon queen apparently, not a gou'ald." He looked up. "Can they be called back?"

"Apparently." Jake shrugged. "No idea but Xander had a vision about it."

"Great. I hope they can save Fred. I like her," Jack said. "If she does get possessed that way can we end it?"

"Probably not," Daniel admitted. "I doubt a simple exorcism would work. If so, we could ask Xander but I doubt he'd know since it said to ask Wesley."

"According to Xander, she has a small cult to her that'll try to bring her back by giving her a new host body," Jake told them. That got a dual nod. "Then they'd want her to do something for them."

"Great." Jack shook his head. "If we can help with that, let us know."

"I can do that. Also, some of the conspiracy people, who was chatting with Fred before she invited me in, thought that we have a special brand of anti-psych meds around here." He grinned as he walked off.

"Not really. A lot of valium at times," Jack quipped. "But not a lot of anti-psychs. Some anti-depressants too." He walked off frowning but not really more than generally upset. He liked Fred when he had met her.

Daniel got back to work listing all the various higher ups and if they were gou'ald related or demon related. It was an important list they'd already needed a few times.

***

Steve looked around the house then at David. "Did he run away again?"

"He's hiding in the basement while I get the possessed dog out of here. I don't know why a gou'ald larva possessed a dog but Xander doesn't want to see me kill it and the docs at the mountain just groaned." He loaded his sidearm and put it onto the counter. "Did you need him?"

"Danny's mother's in."

David winced. "Great. Take the kid and I'll come get him later? Xander, you're saved from the dog," he yelled.

Xander came hopping up the stairs and took a jump into a chair then climbed onto the kitchen counter to walk around to where Steve was. "Thank you." The dog came rushing in to bite them. "You biting me won't pass you over, damn thing." He gave Steve the big eyed look. "Can we run away now? I don't like to see animals harmed."

"Me either," Steve agreed. He carried him out to the car. David shot the dog once they had driven off. He glanced over Xander. "I should've let you change."

"The damn thing was in the way of me getting anywhere else in the house. I had to hide in our mystical basement."

"That figures. Danny's mom is in and demanded we present you."

"Fuck."

Steve swatted him. "Mouth."

"Sorry." He sighed but rubbed his head. Steve pulled over. The headache look didn't ease. "Not a vision. Just a headache from some sort of broadcasting thing. Can we go on faster?" Steve nodded, driving them off. A few blocks later his headache look eased so Steve called Kono to look up what had been going on. It might be a test of a new anti-riot device but he doubted it. They got to the station and Steve walked around to let Xander out and help him inside. "We drove past something that shot sound waves at him and gave him a headache," he said quietly to Chin.

Chin looked at the kid and nodded. "Kono's got some advil, kiddo."

"Thank you." He went to bump into her since he wasn't watching where he walked. "Kono, can I bum your advil?"

"Sure, Xander. That sound thing that Steve mentioned?"

"Yeah. Huge headache. And it's starting around here. The waves of misery are starting." He took a few pills dry, accepting the bottle of water Danny handed him to gulp after them. "Thank you too." He heaved and held onto the data table. Visions on top of a headache were a sign that the PTB were truly evil beings. "That's an evil thing." He looked then at Steve. "They're military too. They followed us."

Steve went to look outside, spotting someone in camo. "Yes they are." He grimaced. "Let me go talk to them. You lay down, Xander. Danny, I didn't give him a chance to change. David was handling a possessed dog that had gotten in." Xander grimaced but headed for the bathroom to throw up. Danny followed to help the kid. Kono, Chin, and Steve went to handle the idiots with the machine.

"HPD, freeze," Steve yelled, holding up his badge. "Don't make me remember I'm a SEAL," he said when one ran for their truck. He chased them down and slammed them into the truck. Chin and Kono took on the other three, and she kicked over the machine to break it before she hit another person that was rushing over to help their people. Steve got the last two down and cuffed then stared at the mess they made. "The base is going to *adore* them," he sneered.

Kono looked at the machine. "I can't tell if it's off or not. I can't hear it."

"Xander and I both have more sensitive hearing," Steve told her. "I can barely hear it so it's still on." She kicked it a few more times, breaking it thoroughly. "That's better. Thank you. I was starting to get the same headache." He stared at them. "We're going to talk about how you're endangering people on my islands." He hauled them up and let the patrol officers take them. "Take them to separate rooms. Their little machine was sending out sound waves to distract and cause pain. They followed us from about six miles away."

"There were more than a few wrecks reported in the last hour out that way, McGarrett," one of the officers said quietly. "Could have been that?"

"Probably would have been that. It gave me a few spikes too but I was taught to drive through the migraine." That got a nod and those people were very sorry by the time they got put into chairs inside the building. The patrol supervisor came in with notes on the wrecks. Steve pointed at one. "That's probably an outlier and that light was out when I was near there."

"The one before then crashed into the pole," the supervisor told him.

"Charming." He took the notes in there with the supervisor to talk to them.

Danny came in a few minutes later. "I had mini mouth look at them after I got the guy sneaking in to grab him. These three," he said. "Are the guys that they stopped. That one," he said with a point. "Is Area 51 personnel according to Jerry." He looked at the other six. "The rest of you are idiots apparently." He looked at Steve. "David's on his way in. He got the gou'ald that was improbable in it's placement."

Steve nodded once. "He didn't know why it was possessing a dog either."

The patrol supervisor cleared his throat. "What?"

"The kid our unit's watching over? His guardian is formerly SG," Steve told him. "David's handling a gou'ald that possessed a dog and was trying to attack him and the kid."

"I...why would something that sentient want a dog?" the patrol supervisor asked.

Danny shrugged. "David said that's weirder than anything he's seen."

"Uh-huh."

"He's called it in. Just in case." He smirked a tiny bit. "But he did get the snake and the dog since they couldn't save it." The patrol supervisor grimaced but nodded. "Strange thing though, he found a chip on the dog's neck. Standard pet chip. From Arizona."

"How did it get here?" Steve asked him.

"No clue. But that's weird. Right?" He smirked a tiny bit then stared at the Area 51 idiot. "That's very weird."

Steve nodded. "Incredibly so."

"You're nothing," that one sneered. "SEAL or not."

"We'll see what the president thinks about that," Steve quipped. The man gasped. Steve stared at him. "I'm pretty sure Jack O'Neill is going to have words with someone about you since you're out of your jurisdiction."

"O'Neill's message on all this was filthy followed by the machine was made off-world to react against certain types of gene carriers," Danny quipped with a grin and a pat on Steve's shoulder. "To keep warrior ATA carriers from taking over a city."

Steve looked at him. "I do have a weaker one," he admitted. "If I flew I could go join the SGC." He looked at the scientist again. He was praying for invisibility. "Interesting." One of the soldiers tried to get up but Kono knocked him back into the chair. "Is he on his way out?"

"With Jake so he can have a few minutes to play with Xander. Apparently their last team trip had a bad ending or something so he needed kid cuddles." Danny went to check and brought the soldiers back. Jake was hugging Xander, getting kid snuggles back. Clay was already sneering and glaring at the soldiers. Roque wasn't any more friendly and even Pooch looked like he was going to rip their limbs off to beat them with them.

"Boys," Steve said, handing the general the notes. "It may be that they're responsible for others having car wrecks."

O'Neill looked at the notes, nodding once. "If so, they can be charged with that as well. The federal prosecutor can work with the local ones once we've made sure of everything they've done." Jack looked at the patrol officers. "How many deaths?"

"Possibly up to three so far, General. One on scene, two were in really bad shape as they were taken away. We're having someone check traffic cams to see when they set up. That area has had a lot of accidents since about ten this morning. That's the last hour's wrecks from their arrests."

Jack looked at the small stack then at him. "Ten accidents?" The patrol supervisor nodded. "If they're responsible, we'll let Hawaii help us prosecute and let them be sued. Be damned if I want to see that happen again."

"I broke the machine," Kono quipped with a smile for him. "It was annoying Steve."

Jack grinned at her. "I like you, if you were one of my soldiers I'd let you lead your own team." She smiled back. "Boys, go help the PD search their shit for more classified things and make sure it's not boobytrapped." Pooch went with the patrol officer that got waved at. "Jensen?"

"In a minute, General. Xander's got a fever and he's still in pain."

Jack looked at him, taking him to hold and test his forehead. "You are warm, kiddo." Xander nodded, resting on his shoulder. "Hmm." He looked then at Jake. "Do you have that little light thing?" Jake pulled it out and put it onto the table, moving it around. "A full gou'ald. You Trust?" he asked dryly. Jake took Xander back and got out of there, pulling Kono with them. "McGarrett, go have some coffee."

"Sure. Just remember, if I can't torture them because they're in custody you probably can't, General." He grinned. "And I can see the local base commander waiting too."

"He can wait." Steve nodded, walking out to talk to him. Jack smirked at them. "We need to check them for stomach and neck pouches," he told the patrol supervisor. That got a nod and they took their shirts off them. He found three. One of them was sending out the wave and Jack hit him in the back of the head, knocking him out. Suddenly the kid felt better. "That helps. Great. At least it's not a queen. Then we'd have drooling men and Kono would have to handle it with the female officers."

"That's horrible from the records released, sir," the patrol supervisor said.

Roque looked at him, grinning a tiny bit. "Worse, if the queen inhabits a guy, they can still lay baby snakes."

"That's gross," the patrol supervisor agreed. Roque nodded. "Are there any of those on the islands?"

"We didn't know that these gou'ald were here," Jack admitted. "I would've said no a few hours ago."

"I can go trolling tonight," Clay said. "I do have the gift of drawing them, general."

Jack grinned at him. "You just want to hit a strip club, Colonel."

"Could help, yeah."

"If you find one, so be it. I was going to leave Jensen here until tomorrow anyway. Let us know if you find any. Roque, are you staying with them?"

"Probably should. One'll get into trouble. I don't know which one's worse." He grimaced at Clay. "If there's a female gou'ald you'll definitely draw them with the kid."

David knocked and leaned in. "I called in two gou'alds last night, General. Did you get that notice?"

"No, David," he quipped with a smile for him. "Where?"

"Two little old ladies up the street who're kinda hot but want to mother Xander to death, General." He grinned. "They're fattening him up and making sure he can grow up into a good man they can take over."

Jack blinked a few times. "Excuse me?"

"They see him like Sheppard's second coming, sir. I asked them when I tied them up. They're in female bodies but may not be fully mature females since they didn't try to broadcast at me, sir. All I know is that Xander's seen as the next higher up to ascend somehow." He shrugged but smiled. "And I did get the gou'ald whoever put into the dog and sicced on us."

"Thank you. Two different plots?" Jack asked.

"Probably. I asked one of those two and they said it'd ruin his body. He had to be close to perfect to take over for the new Ra when he ascended." He grinned. "I pointed out Ra was dead and they said his son was around in a jar waiting on a great body. He wanted an ATA carrier who was strong enough to be a warrior."

"Who had that plot?" Clay demanded.

"The jar's queen. She thought about taking Pooch but she hates bald guys. Jensen was seen as too geeky. Roque's not liked because of his scars and you drove her off. Something about not liking inn whores, Colonel." He smirked and laughed a tiny bit. "They lifted Jake's wallet and found a picture. She's stuck on getting Xander as her next husband. And she has her next body picked out plus three alternates in case Xander would hate their forms." He closed the door.

"I have to kill them very hard," Jack decided. "I thought we were done with their stupid shit." He looked at Clay. "Don't feel bad, they think I'm too old and tough. They think Carter's just pretty. Even after she blew up a solar system to get some of them."

"I wonder if we can have a vampire bite them," Clay said. "That'd make them weaker in a lot of ways plus give them some very useable weaknesses."

"Don't know. We can test one of these, Colonel." He smiled at them. "Any volunteers?" Two of the gou'ald tried to shed their bodies but Jack had people waiting to save the bodies. They had things to stun the other larva so they could be removed. Though one of the assholes wasn't snaked, he was just hateful and venting about how normal people had to be saved from ATA carriers and others who would upset their plans for humanity. So no loss there as he could be charged with all the accidents and the other things they had done that day.

***

Jack O'Neill saluted as the president looked up at his entry into the Oval Office. "Sir, you summoned me?" he asked.

"You helped arrest gou'ald in Hawaii, General O'Neill. Why?"

"Well, first because they were gou'ald. Secondly because they were terrorizing the people. They caused eighteen car accidents while waiting on a young child to come out of his house with their stolen machine. It was built off world and was meant to affect ATA carriers during a battle. Like a sonic weapon used during riots," he explained at the odd look he was getting.

"All right," the president agreed. "So they were going after your nephew?"

"Apparently there's some gou'ald queen that thinks he'll be a perfect host when he's older. They're wrong because Xander will kill them all if he has to. He's already vowed that they'd all die if he had to. Though these ones were going to take him out so he couldn't become the new host." The president sighed, shaking his head and dropping his pen onto the papers in front of him. "They weren't concerned about the four deaths that they caused or the twenty-six injured people from the car accidents they caused, sir.

"Though when Colonel Clay suggested we see if vampires can bite them, to give them a known and exploitable weakness, a few of the larva fled their hosts and got taken out that way. The hosts are still being held because two of them thought it was a great idea. One was still human when he took a dog from a pound in Arizona and forced a larva into it."

The president blinked at him. "Wouldn't the gou'ald get rejected?"

"Not totally. It was in control but not able to do more than simple things. They sicced the dog on Xander to kill him in the house. They flew it to Hawaii, commercially flew it to Hawaii, sir. They came out on an Area 51 requested military flight."

"So they risked that larva getting free of the dog and infecting someone on a plane?"

"Yes, sir."

The president sighed again, staring up at him. "Why are they doing that?"

"They're stupid," Jack said firmly. "I have no idea what made them that stupid but they're stupid, sir. Half of Area 51 is under the same blanket of stupid they rested under to be frank. It only surprised me they didn't try to kidnap the kid to test on him first."

The president nodded, rubbing his forehead. "I hate your project, General."

"It wasn't us, Sir. Area 51 is just someone we've been forced to deal with a few times. We'd all like them and the NID to fly off back to Oz to go back to their natal flying monkey form. Maybe a few of us would follow them to find their wicked witch in charge to melt her, but we'd all like them to fly off."

The president looked up at him. "What else have they done?"

"In what range of time, sir? In the last week? NID has tried to capture two of my people to torture and test on. Regular soldiers they were going to infect with a possible anti-Ori virus. That and they've tried to yet again capture myself, my clone, and Colonel Carter. Twice in her case. She went to the movies and they tried to set it on fire to get her as she fled with the others." The president held up a hand. "Area 51 has been notably only complaining this last week, sir. They wanted us to hand over samples to test on and think that us giving them sentient life forms is a good thing. We've denied them and their claim of intelligence."

"These samples they wanted?"

"Pets from a new ally we've recently made friends with. It appears one's a plant-based lifeform and they're interested."

"I see." He sighed. "Is it sentient?" Jack nodded. "Then that's not a great idea."

"They seem to have a lot of those, sir. We just walk away and tell them no. Then kick them out of the mountain."

"Aren't your people on hold?"

"Yes, sir, but that was a long running diplomatic visit that just recently returned. They had been checking in for the last month."

"That's reasonable. Are there others out there?"

"Two missions presently out and not expected back soon. The ships are considered off-base. And one's team is presently scouting a few enemies to report back on their rebuilding. Since we've seen some gou'ald recently they've went to scout the remaining ones to see what they're doing to rebuild."

"That sounds reasonable." He leaned back in his chair. "I have had a lot of complaining from the IOA, General O'Neill."

"Yes, sir, I've heard a lot of it and I've denied they have intelligence as well. Frankly, most of them are ghouls that agree with the NID about torture being good science. The rest just want weapons that are too powerful for safety reasons."

"How powerful can they be?"

"Sir, Dr. McKay was trying to make a new ZPM power module using the Ancient's machines and blew up nine-tenths of a solar system."

The president nodded once. "That's too strong for safety."

"We've figured out how to make them safely, not around here but safely, and are working on ways to let them power things like cities." Jack smiled. "They can last a thousand years each, sir. We thought it's a great thing for humanity. Just not as weapons."

"I can agree with that point. The IOA's viewpoint?"

"They only wanted weapons applications. They refused to let anyone publish anything that would let other scientists catch up to our science. There's hundreds of scientists that have no real idea that what they've been working on for their whole lives is already partially solved and they're decades behind now. All our science staff has complained and started to publish since the IOA isn't able to block it. I've got people doing lectures at their favorite colleges so we have future scientists who have some idea. McKay is foaming at the mouth about a few of those but he's found a few he might accept as later lesser flunkies that might gain to full status with him. He's kind of picky."

"I've heard. A lot actually. The IOA hates that lecture tour."

Jack O'Neill nodded but grinned. "Yes, but we've found four students who have corrected problems we've been working on. Two others that are medical researchers who have good ideas and skills we might consider recruiting later on in xenobiology."

"What if they issue another gag order?"

"Then at least people know that it's bigger than they think and they can be recruited if they have the skills." He smiled a tiny bit. "We'll need good scientists later on. Some day even McKay has to retire from Atlantis, sir."

"It would be good to have people in place to handle things if he's indisposed."

"With McKay it's more likely that someone's stolen him again. A lot of planets think that he's ownable, sir. We've had to take him back more than a few times. If they knew what he could really do, he'd be in a lot more danger."

"Would he go back to Canada?"

"He'll take Atlantis with him," Jack admitted. "She has a great fondness for him since he's the reason she gets fixed. Even with his tiny ATA gene, he's still getting the benefits of a full ATA carrier does and she does seem to enjoy him."

"The city's sentient?" the president demanded, standing up.

"She has a very sentient AI, yes, sir." Jack stared at him. "She can't fully communicate, but she can move things to where they're being worked on, open doors, and a few other benefits. Usually she'll do it to help full ATAs she likes. She pampers a few of the scientists that fix her and one of the botanists that take care of her native plants. She moves them near her so she can fuss over them easier. Also, can they take the cloak off the city? The ships are still under orders to shoot Atlantis into component atoms, sir."

He flopped back into his chair. "I'll send that order tonight, General O'Neill. I would like some sort of oversight authority over your program. There's no telling what you could bring back."

"We have standards in place, sir. For both human interactions and later medical checks as soon as they get back, and when we bring back samples so they can be safely checked then studied."

"Your people walk through most of the mountain to get to the infirmary. What if they're contagious and don't know?"

"We have a nurse on hand in the gateroom to check them for things like fevers before they step foot out of the gate area, sir. We have containment boxes on hand for any non-living samples and we have bubbles handy for any living samples. Originally we didn't but Hammond had to deal with that situation once so he made sure we had something on hand after asking someone our doctor cleared at the CDC, sir. They still check our containment protocols every year for us. They wanted us to move the infirmary but it wasn't an available option without digging out a whole new corridor. The current ones don't have the plumbing, clearance, circumference, or the ability to put in even a single exam room. Retrofitting was looked at but it'd be even more complicated than digging out a new area. If I remember right, General Hammond said that it was so expensive to retrofit that we should just build a new mountain area."

"Where is General Hammond now?"

"Died a few years back, sir. We miss him, he kept us sane for years."

"That's why no one could ask him about the program." He nodded, making that note. "I would still like to have someone in as oversight. That way everyone can't hide things."

"Sir, I only hide bad ideas that we've turned down."

"Sending replicators to the Ori?" the president asked dryly.

"That was the IOA," Jack said firmly. "They tried it with my former team on the ship and were found out then. Danny boy nearly spaced them for it."

"They said it was your team's plan," he said, handing over that file.

Jack looked it over. "No, sir, I was in charge of the mountain at that time." He handed it back. "May I call Carter here?" The president waved a hand and pulled out other files from a box. Jack pulled out his phone. "Carter, I need you in the Oval Office. The IOA is trying to say that we were doing things they did. Right now, please. Fine, get redressed." He hung up. "She's in the gym so give her about ten minutes, sir."

"That's fine. I doubt she wants to stand around being sweaty." He let Jack have those files. "Yours?"

Jack sorted three out. "They were ours but the only option at the time." Carter was beamed in and saluted.

"As you were, Colonel. Explain these to me please?"

She put her tablet on the corner of the desk and pulled over the files. "These two were ours, this was Atlantis and not totally their idea. It was started by a native species." She pulled up those files for him. Jack handed her the other files while the president read those others.

The president looked up. "We blew up a solar system on purpose?"

"That or an invasion, sir. That was the best option we had. I don't like I had to do that, but it was necessary."

The president looked at her then at Jack. "Were these those ZPM things?"

"No, sir, we had no idea about zero point modules at that point or I wouldn't have built a super nuclear weapon to use on that sun," Sam Carter told him.

"That was nuclear?"

"And an explosives capable material we found on a few worlds, yes, sir. Naqquadah has that capability so I merged them. We use naqquadah for things like long term generators on Atlantis as well."

"You turned something that you blew up a sun with into a battery?"

"Like any energy, sir, it has multiple uses. I don't brag or like that I had to blow up that sun but we didn't have the capability to hold off a space invasion at that time. Those were the two options."

"All right. I'll let some generals look that one over."

"The full Joint Chief's panel has open records from all our groups, sir," Jack O'Neill said. "They've done a full review and are going to probably be giving comments and yelling in a few days. Probably the end of the week they said."

"That's good to know. I wish they had told me." The president made that note and went back to it.

Jack looked at her. "The gou'alds in Hawaii?" he asked quietly.

"I've checked the dog's remains and the larva's remains. David did a good job of a clean kill and we did find the solution they created to slightly subvert the larva into a less capable state. It's not much off what we do when we take them from an infected person, sir."

"Good to know. They got it from us?"

"It appears so. The doctors agreed that it was a weaker form and less stable form of what we use when we remove them. They've preparing a report."

"Thank you." He looked at the staring president. "It's something we're looking into, sir."

"I'd like to hear that as well," the president told her and got back to the files. He huffed at the end of one of them. "This file is incomplete, Colonel?"

She looked. "No, sir, it's got a link." She clicked on it. "That was the summary. We changed the format for reports when Jack took over because he said it was too cumbersome."

"It reduced the paperwork by ten pages," Jack said with a slight nod. "It also allowed the scientific reports to be added as machine reports instead of a written one. That way no one has to find a former scientist to see what the actual results were."

"We liked that as well," Sam Carter agreed. "We advised on what we needed the new system to hold, sir."

"That's fine. I find that reasonable." He looked at Jack.

"I hate paperwork, sir."

"I realize that you're more action oriented, O'Neill." He got back to the file, shaking his head at it. "I can see why you all hate the NID."

Sam looked then grinned at him. "That was them being nice, sir. We have a lot of reasons why we hate them. That's a very minor one." The president shuddered but went back to going over those files. She looked at Jack, then at the doorway. "General," she said, saluting him. Jack saluted as well.

"Come in, General. Who called you?"

"Rumors, sir. You had called O'Neill here about some files and we were going to steal him to talk about the review we did."

"I'd like to hear about that. The IOA said that these were all their fault, not anyone else's."

Sam handed over the files. "Here, sir."

"Thank you, Carter." He went over them, grimacing. "Some we had questions about but the files we have from the program are slightly different than these, sir."

"I'm seeing that." He looked up. "Do you think they could use some oversight?"

"Yes, I do, but I think they already have it in place. Not under Landry but under O'Neill they had some oversight in place that worked well." He looked at him.

"Not the IOA," he said dryly.

"No, not them. The people you had to advise you, O'Neill."

"That was basically my teammates unless I had to go ask someone what the reports meant. I admit I'm not scientific in the least, sir."

The head of the Air Force smiled. "We know, O'Neill. What about a dual head? You and perhaps Jackson?"

"We have a lot of arguments about the objectives of missions," Sam Carter told him. "Including the science versus military objectives, sir."

"Can you do both?" he asked.

"We try even when we're not supposed to," Jack admitted. "General Hammond switched it over when the gou'ald threat got worse."

"Which we understood but there was a lot of...complaining about the lack of studying in other areas. We lost a lot of possible allies and information thanks to that, sirs."

"I get that problem," the general agreed. "It's one thing we need to look at." He looked at O'Neill. "All of us on the review are really impressed you're still sane."

Jack smiled. "Hockey games help that, sir."

"I bet." The president was staring at them again. "Sir, that's really not the most bad of what's happened. They even managed to cover up an actual invasion from space at one time."

"Where?"

"Southern hemisphere," Jack admitted. "I was in the Antarctic chair while we had people flying our specialized planes to defend us."

The president slumped, staring at them. "Why didn't that come out before?"

"We never got that many years in, sir. You stopped us at year four."

"That's right, I did. Thank you for reminding me." He looked at the general. "When you're doing the review I will be there."

"Yes, sir, we're doing it on Saturday morning so we know no one's busy."

"I can be there. Make sure my assistant knows when and where."

"Yes, sir. Need me for more of this?"

He handed Carter back her tablet. Then the files. "Summarize those for me and the others." She nodded, taking the box and repacking it. "O'Neill, you're in charge for now. Pending the review."

"No, sir, he's not going to be facing more than some bitching about not telling us. Even though it was president's eyes only, we're a bit upset about that. A few other things as well. We would've helped a lot if we had known. Now that we do, they're getting some specialized teams faster."

Jack shook his head. "Most of ours are specially trained for our needs. We do a six-week boot camp and training then we put them on rookie status with an experienced team. The last team we poached, Colonel Clay's team, is going good but they're not like other teams."

"I've heard. We're going to be talking about specialized training as well. That'll be after the review. We have no idea how to prepare regular soldiers in case the space evils get past your people." He clapped him on the back. "We'll be talking Saturday and probably on Sunday as well."

"Yes, sir."

"Good. Nice to see you, Carter. Where is your father?"

"He was a host of a Tokra until he died," she said quietly.

"I'm sorry to hear that. Jacob was a pain in the ass sometimes but he was good at it." He clapped her on the back and left, pausing to tell the secretary about the meeting.

The president sighed. "Do I want to know?"

"No," Carter said, shaking her head. "It was a great help but the Tokra are...complicated."

"And they think we're little kids," Jack added. "They no longer talk to us."

"I'll hear more about that later as well. Dismissed so I can take something for my headache." They saluted and were beamed out at Jack's call. The president sighed, finding his headache medicine and taking some with the tea his assistant brought him. It knocked him out but he was used to that. He didn't even see the ones who snuck in to 'help' his thinking. His assistant walked out to leave them alone.

The general from earlier showed up with a formal notice of the meeting to hand over. "For his records, ma'am." He caught sight of someone and looked. "Guards!" he called. "There's people using mind machines on the president!" She shot him but there were guards already rushing their way. The ones in the office were trapped and killed themselves instead of being arrested. So did the assistant. "Call O'Neill," the general moaned. "That's their machine thing. NID stole some earlier." One of the guards looked up who that was and called them back to explain what was going on.

O'Neill showed up with his head doctor, who rushed over. "Leave Doctor Lam alone. She's SG's head doc." He looked at the machine, kicking it. "That's to download memories. Not sure if they've altered it to do more than read them or show them." He walked over to the bodies, pointing. "Area 51. Him too. That's an IOA member." He heard a whine and looked. "Lam, mechanicals."

"Here," she said with a point. "It's coming from that one."

Jack moved to look at that one, finding the device and turning it off. "Not a bomb." The guards sighed in relief. "It's to have them beamed off though. They shouldn't have access to a ship." He looked at the guard staring at him. "May I?"

"Do what?"

"Calling the ship. This is not what should be here."

"We'd rather you not," one of the guards said. "We're in lockdown."

"That's fine." He pulled out his phone. "I'm emailing Colonel Samantha Carter. We were here earlier talking about the IOA lying about who's idea some problems were." That got a nod and she came back with the box. They jumped a bit when she appeared. "Sorry." He stared at her. "I told you not to show up."

"Sorry, sir, and gentlemen, but there's a reason." She handed over the empty box. "This is the box that the president handed me files in." She pointed. "That device is a tracking and hacking module."

"That's interesting. Who are you, ma'am?"

"Colonel Samantha Carter, SGC's head scientist and part of SG-1." She held out her tablet. "The president was handed files on these reports that were altered to make us look worse.

"All right. Are you armed?"

"Just my sidearm," she said, pointing at it. "I'll submit to a search." They patted her down and took her sidearm, and Jack's, but they didn't arrest them. She pointed. "That one's IOA, formerly since they were disbanded." She pointed at another one. "That one was responsible for a lot of problems in Hawaii earlier."

The guards looked but Jack pointed. "That's the file on that. I presented it earlier when asked."

The guards looked it over. "Good thing he's dead."

"Lam, gou'ald taint?" Jack asked.

"No, sir, not that I've seen on the president. The scanners say that his brain waves aren't fully normal but it's evening out as time passes. His other vitals are showing he's sedated." She looked up. "He doesn't need more than monitored but if you want, he could go to the ER. Others who have had their memories downloaded by that machine usually report a mild headache and some tiredness. If they were trying to overwrite his memories by forcing new ones in, I'm going to assume more of a headache."

"His personal doctor is on the way, Doctor Lam."

She smiled. "That's fine. As long as he's a good doctor I have no problem with that." The one that walked in she pointed. "He was infected with a gou'ald last year." They stopped him and checked him.

Carter grimaced. "He's infected again, Carolyn." That guy glared at her. She smiled. "Hi. I can tell."

The man's eyes lit up. "You are an evil influence on these people. You should not be here," his altered voice said. "You and all yours."

"Watch me ask a demon to eat you," Jack O'Neill quipped. "We've talked to a few near the mountain and they know of a species that would *adore* having the larva." The infected doctor shrank away from him, looking horrified. "It wouldn't bother us any if the larva were taken care of and out of the way of harm. Much safer for humanity."

"People," one of the guards said. "How do we get him uninfested?"

Carolyn Lam looked up. "We have a way to stun them and then support the body so it won't be killed when the larva gives up and crawls out. It's successful eighty percent of the time. I'd need some things from my infirmary at the SGC." Someone rushed in. "Brad." She smiled. "I know you're a neurologist."

"I am. Nice to see you again, Carolyn. What are you up to now?" he asked as he knelt beside the president.

"Head doctor at the SGC. Someone was using one of our memory reading machines on the president." She showed him the scanner's results.

He frowned. "When do the rest of us get those?"

"When we get someone to make more," Jack quipped. "Right now we're not allowed."

"We're hoping in the next year," Carolyn said more gently with a smile. "And a work around for those without the ATA gene."

"Ah, one of those machines." He looked then nodded. "What does that machine do?"

"It reads and downloads memories. It can be programmed to show someone some. One of ours used it to help his dying best friend be in a virtual reality flight in a jumper. It won't show which use it was for."

"That's good to know. So overwriting memories?" Brad the doctor asked.

"Yes, possibly," Carolyn agreed. "It was reverse engineered from a device that stored information and downloaded it into someone's brain."

"That limits what sort of damage it could've done," Brad decided. He looked at her. "You use these?"

"Not often," she admitted. "For things like an unconscious soldier we have to figure out what happened to. I've only seen them used three times in the last few years."

"Even better. That's scary."

Carolyn nodded. "But useful if you get an unconscious person that has an unknown injury and possibly an infection from a virus we don't naturally have."

"That's a great reason. I can see uses in the ER," he agreed. "Even as the personal VR system it's not a bad idea. If that other function could be blocked off I'd like it a lot better."

"Not sure how we'd do that," Sam Carter admitted. "Can being shown memories over the ones you currently have alter them?"

"Possibly," Brad said. "We'll have to see when he wakes up."

"I told them they could monitor him here or take him in," she told him. "Usual side effects are headaches and some tiredness."

"I'd like to keep him here so it doesn't hit the press," he told the guards. Who all nodded. "The readings on the scanner show he'll be waking up in about an hour." He looked at his former friend. "Are you staying?"

"If you want me to." She smiled slightly. "I have an excellent staff under me in the infirmary and we're not expecting any injuries to come in today."

Jack looked at his phone, typing out a text message. "The only three today are from Atlantis for follow ups to post-combat surgeries. Your second-in-command can handle that and she said she'd send the files on that machine to Carter's tablet." She nodded, getting into it. She let the doctors have the tablet.

Brad looked it over, nodding at what he saw. "It looks like it's a fancy VR machine with downloading capabilities. I can see why they'd have headaches." He looked at Carter. "Why did you make this machine?"

"To reverse what the one that downloaded memories into someone did. Before it made his brain turn to mush."

"Ah." He nodded. "That's a problem I guess."

"I had ten thousand years of information downloaded into my brain," Jack told him. "Yes, I was swelling, had bleeding, all that. They downloaded it from me."

"That's a good reason," he assured him with a slight smile. "It's inventive and clearly worked, General." He handed the tablet back. His patient had just groaned. "Sir, you're in your office. You have myself and Doctor Lam here to help you. You're just fine, sir. Just relax." The president groaned and moved to hold his head. Carolyn let him then gently put his hand back down. She scanned him again. "I like that thing," Brad admitted.

She smiled. "It came from Atlantis." He shivered. "We like it in the infirmary."

"Tell me when it's on the market so I can be a tester." She smiled and nodded. "You really work at the SGC?"

"I really do. My father ran it for a few years." She smiled at him. "I have a lot of interesting cases, Brad. Everything from weird diseases in the natives we're just meeting to new plants that have weird effects on us to weird poisons to interesting injuries from ancient weapons at times. It's a lot of cutting edge work and a lot of mediaeval work at times. You have no idea how much damage a sword can do."

He shook his head but was smiling. "That's nuts."

"Many days," she agreed. "And then I get a weird virus brought in."

The president groaned, blinking at her. "Who're you?" he asked quietly.

She smiled. "Doctor Carolyn Lam, sir. I'm the head doctor at the SGC. They were using one of our machines. Can you tell us what they were showing you?" He shook his head slowly. "That's fine. Do you know Doctor Bradley Emmers?"

"I do," he admitted. "My daughter thinks he's hot."

Brad smiled. "She's too young for me, sir." He helped him sit up. "Headache? Any other aches?"

"No, just an astounding headache that I remember from a few frat parties in college." He looked at the other two. "You two left."

"Yes, sir," Jack agreed with a nod. "And then the other general from earlier found you being attacked by the memory machine."

"Great." He looked around then at the guards. "Them? Arrested?"

"Killed themselves somehow, sir," one reported.

Carolyn pointed. "That swelling there means that they had a kill switch device that punctured an artery." The guards all stared at her. "I have to do some autopsy work sometimes, people."

"Most of the ones in use down here are drug related," Jack said, thinking about it. He looked around. "No one's noticed a worm looking thing, right?" They all shook their heads. "That's good. Not gou'ald." He looked at Carter, who pointed. "Point. Trust?"

"No idea, no one's asked him," she quipped.

"True." He looked at the gou'ald in custody. "Are you with the Trust conspiracy or another one?"

"None of your business. You'll find out," he sneered back.

"That's fine. We'll debrief him once you're out of him. We're very good at it now." The man seized and Carolyn hurried over, calling for a removal kit from the ships. One was beamed down for her. Brad came over to help. They managed to save the man's life. The larva was captured by a guard and put into a trash can that he tied the bag shut in. "That'll keep it for hours," Jack assured them. "Not that it'd be a shame for it to die. I can see if the local demon council has someone who can talk to it if you want."

"We'll ask them if we need to," one of the guards said. They got the other doctor stabilized and moved to an ER under watch of agents. He helped Carolyn Lam up. "How do we keep others from beaming in here?"

She pointed at Sam. "That's her job. She and McKay know more about beaming than I ever will."

He looked at her. "Colonel?"

"There's a few methods of blocking out a beaming person. Most of them would take some construction work for specialized insulation. There's a few blockers but they're very localized. I haven't been able to expand them past twenty feet. It hasn't been a high priority but I've been tinkering with it since we came up with it. I recently expanded it from five to twenty feet in just the last six months. We're looking at a few different conductors to see which one would expand it the best."

"Please do keep us informed, Colonel. It's a high priority for us."

"Of course, I fully understand," she agreed with a slight smile. "I'd worry about it too. We're insulated by the mountain itself. The white house has no such shielding. I'll pull together all the materials we have for the review meeting on Saturday if you want."

"Please. What review?"

Jack coughed. "The Joint Chiefs have done a review of all the SGC's files. They're going to complain and yell at us Saturday."

"We can attend with the president, General O'Neill. Thank you for your help today." He handed back their guns and Carolyn her scanner. "We'll see you Saturday?"

"Of course," Carolyn said with a smile. "If I have to show up I can." She wrote her number on the notepad on the desk. "That's my direct line at the mountain if you need me about this or another machine of ours shows up." She smiled and they got beamed out.

The guards shared a look. That number got noted and shared with others on the guard team. Doctor Brad shook his head. "That's so weird."

"Yet they save us all," the president said dryly. "I'm told they even hid an invasion once."

"Glad it's not me. I like my sanity," Brad said, helping him up. "Let's get you settled, sir. I'll check on you in a few hours." The president nodded, being escorted up to his bed. The guards could ask him about anything he had been shown later.

***

Xander looked up then at David. He sighed. David stared at him. "I hate the head's up network sometimes. It's nice to know that the gou'ald were trying to warp the SGC's outcome." He sipped some water.

David patted him on the back. "We'll hear from your uncle later, Xander." Xander nodded, getting back to dinner with Jake. He was fun to have dinner with and he didn't treat him like a tiny little kid.

Jake grinned. "Jack already sent out an all-points to us. It's already handled and we'll know Saturday how things are going to be changed." Xander hugged his arm and got back to dinner.

David sent in a text message and put more food on Xander's plate for him then on Jake's. They could eat. At least until someone crying ran in and upstairs to hide. David looked then at Xander, who shrugged and went to find out what had happened. Xander came down a few minutes later. "Her mom wants to take her back to Jersey as a permanent move."

"I doubt her father would like that," David quipped, stuffing his mouth. "She okay?"

"In your closet. I moved the gun."

"Thanks, kiddo. You tell her dad?"

"I have the feeling someone knows," Jake said, waving at someone. Steve nodded back and walked off. Xander grinned but dug into his dinner again. "She need a hug?"

"She said no. I told her to come find us when she was ready for one."

"That'll work. Girls know when they want to have cuddles," Jake agreed. "Will her mother mind?"

"Her mother's pregnant."

"Ah. That sort of mood." He nodded, eating another bite. "Well, her father probably will know where she is." They got back to eating. David carried a plate up there for Grace and left it outside the closet with a bottle of water then came back down to finish dinner. He let Xander and Jake hang out in the living room to talk, watch a movie or six, and hang out. He could sleep in the guest room tonight so he didn't worry Grace since she was still in his closet, but had pulled in the food to eat at least.

***

Danny looked at the judge the next morning during the emergency hearing. "No I don't know where she is!" he said loudly. "If I knew where my little girl was, she'd be beside me so I could comfort her and help her calm down. That way her mother's idiotic decision making won't harm her more!"

Someone in the back of the room cleared his throat. "She's hiding in a closet," Steve told him.

Danny stared at him. "I didn't even think about her running to them."

"David and I talked on our jog this morning when I caught up to him. She's safe. She's cried herself to sleep, refused every hug offer, and is still in the closet around his former uniform."

The judge stared at him. "Commander."

"Yes, ma'am?" he asked.

"Who has the child in question?"

"She ran to my nephew to hide. She knows he'd protect her and his guardian would as well. In fact, that duo have protected her in the past."

"How old is your nephew?"

"Eight."

"Ah. I see. That little one you've been seen with?" Steve smiled and nodded. "Can they present her in a reasonable time?"

"I've texted David and he said she is unwilling to show up here at this time. He can pull her here but she will probably end up having to be carried or tied up and carried. She has stated she will not show up to this farce, her mother is an imbecile as far as she's concerned, and the baby is rotting her mind. Grace has also stated that if she has to move back to New Jersey she will hitchhike back if she has to." The judge nodded once with a grimace. "She's twelve, Your Honor."

"I remember those years with a tiny bit of fondness for my hair," she admitted. She looked at the parents. "Is there some way to work this out?"

"I do have custody," Grace's mother complained. "She has to move if we do."

"She's in an excellent school here," Danny told the judge. "Back there the good schools are a few hours away from their house. The school here is smaller and has a lot more interesting classes than her last one did. I don't begrudge my ex-wife wanting to go back to Jersey. I felt like that for months after I moved here to be with my daughter." He looked over then at the judge again. "I'd never do anything to harm my daughter. I'll stick up for her desire to stay here and I'll find a bigger apartment so she has her own room. If I have to I'll find some way to buy a house, even though that would be a huge problem on my current income. I gave up my whole life, including being around my family, to come be with her here. No one is hurting my little girl. Even Rachel."

The judge tapped her pen a few times. "If she would show up here I'd ask her opinion but apparently she's not in the mood for that."

Steve's phone beeped and he looked at it. "I asked and she said she didn't want to make her mother miscarry by yelling at her about her selfish little attitude problem that was creating hell for everyone else." He looked up. "But she's not sure about anything beyond not being separated from her father again. She doesn't want to live with him, because she said it would be weird at her age as a teenage girl, but she doesn't want to be very far from him." Another text message. "New Jersey has her paternal family, and she misses having them nearby, but two aunts and a grandmother don't equal a father." He looked up again.

Rachel scowled. "Tell my daughter to get here now before I have David arrested for taking in a runaway."

Steve stared at her. "I doubt that would stick, Rachel," he said impatiently. "And that would mean that she and Xander could live together for a bit." Rachel flinched back, shaking her head. "Yeah, you forgot about him." He looked at Danny. Then at the judge. He texted to her again. "She'll be here once she showers and borrows some clothes from David and/or Xander."

"That'll be an hour," Rachel snorted.

"I've seen her do a full shower and change in under ten minutes after a game," Danny quipped.

Steve looked at his phone. "Xander said she's doing the quick girl thing. Plus driving time so thirty, Your Honor."

"We can recess until she gets here. Then I'll talk with her by herself in the office." She looked at the parents. "Is there another adult coming with her?"

"It's entirely possible David will come in with her if she wants. I can request him to join us."

"Please. That way she has an adult she can lean on for a few minutes." The judge banged her gavel gently. "We'll resume after I talk to the young woman in question. Maybe both parents could do the adult thing and talk?" She walked off.

Danny looked at Stan, who shook his head subtly. "I know you'll do whatever you can to protect her, Stan. I'm not against that in any way. I can move back to Jersey too." Rachel sat down pouting about it. "I'm not going to abandon my little girl. No matter what I'm not going to be that far away from her. Girls need their dads."

"Stan's a good father," Rachel defended.

"He is but she's got two so she's an extra lucky little girl," Danny told her. "And we're both good dads to her." Steve moved closer but he looked at him. "Can you show them in?"

"Yeah, I can do that." He went to wait on David and Grace.

Danny looked at his ex-wife. "This is dirtier than usual, Rachel. I don't think it's the pregnancy like Gracie does, but this is dirtier than you've ever been. I don't know this you and if you had been this way, we never would've married." She sniffled. "If I have to take custody of her, I will. I'll gladly take her in. I'll move and all that. Not a problem. Grace needs all her parents though so I don't know what the fuck the hormones are doing to you." He sat down on a bench, staring at them.

Steve was outside when David parked. "It's gotten really nasty," he told the commando.

"I figured it was since she sat in my closet all night instead of letting herself be cuddled and comforted like my sisters would have. I nearly called them to talk to Grace." He walked her and Xander inside. "C'mon, guys."

"The judge wants to talk to her alone but with you present as a reasonable parent substitute," Steve said. "I'm out of the fray at the moment. Danny had me evacuate."

Xander waved a hand. "Have fun with the judge." He went to where Steve pointed, going to blatantly butt in. He sighed as he walked in. "She ate dinner last night in the closet," he announced when they stared at him. "She wouldn't come out until she went to take a shower. I nearly called the bitches I used to know to cuddle her since she wouldn't cry on us." He stared at Rachel. "Did you mean to make your daughter cry?" She slumped, shaking her head. He looked at Danny. "You knew she was safe."

"I thought she went to a classmate friend instead of you two," he admitted, patting him on the back. "She better?"

"David made sure she didn't have a weapon." He looked at Rachel. "You've actually made her say she might hate that kid you're carrying because apparently it's causing you to go evil. Should I find some holy water? A priest? Two priests so we get an old and a young one?" She scowled. He stared back. "I can find some if you want me to."

"No, I'm fine. Thank you, Xander. Why are you here?"

"Do you think David would've left me home alone by myself?" he quipped. "He'd get in trouble for that." She grimaced but nodded. He mentally sighed. Maybe it was time to share a life lesson with people who should've learned it already. "At one time I had all these great plans of a cross-country road trip after graduation. Get out, see actual life, get to see life that doesn't end with a stake or a bite on the throat. See people who had no idea that there's a town where the life expectancy is twenty-six." She shuddered.

"And then things changed because Willow blew up my damn car on me. So I had to get real, and do things like an adult. Which meant a strip club." He looked around to make sure they were alone then at her again. "Sometimes the things we want don't happen. We have to be responsible. In New Jersey are you going to have more than Stan? When you need a babysitter? When you need someone to take the baby so you can nap for a night? Are you going to have anyone there?" She looked at him. "Beyond the help, Rachel. Nannies are great inventions for mothers who can't do it on their own. Are you that weak?"

"No!"

"Are you working full time and need someone to watch your new spawn?"

"No, I don't plan on it."

"Then real women watch their own kids. Which means just you and Stan and the baby. Is that what's best for you or the baby? Do you expect Grace to babysit all the time?"

"Of course not, she's too young," Stan said.

Xander looked at him. "There's places in the world where she'd be getting ready to be married, Stan. And pregnant soon afterward." He grimaced. "I can guarantee you that you're going to be missing out on a lot of things. Even if you hire a nanny so you can have days when you forget you have a kid, what will that do to the baby?"

"Grace had my family all around," Danny agreed, patting Xander on the back. "It won't come to that. If I had to, I'd move back to be closer to Grace and I might babysit sometimes. Doubtful but maybe. I'd be back to being a regular detective again so less hours probably."

"I..." she started.

Xander held up a hand. "If he gave up *everything* to move here to be with his daughter, what makes you think he wouldn't follow her to the ends of the earth. That's what real parents do. I should know, mine weren't anywhere near that so I can find the opposite end to be what real parents are." He stared at her. "If he had custody of Grace and wanted to move, what would you do?"

"Complain," she said. She looked at her ex-husband then at Stan. "I...."

"Go back in the summer," Danny suggested. "That way she's not out of school. You can't get a school equal to hers here back there without moving closer to NYC or Connecticut."

"True," Stan agreed. "The one she would've been attending if we hadn't moved is much larger and has less stringent standards." He looked at Rachel. "I can see doing something like snowbirds do."

"While I'll miss her for the summer, that would also allow her other family to see her more often. I would expect more visitation when she's back here for missing out on those months."

She swallowed. Grace walked in and huffed but hugged her father and Stan then flopped down next to Xander. "Grace?" she asked.

"I'm not talking to you right now, Mother. You've made me unhappy and angry. I'm processing as they say." Xander patted her on the arm. She looked at him. "You're too good at that."

"I grew up with the redheaded menace, Grace."

"Point. I guess." She looked then at him. "David's outside."

"Sure. Yell if you need me." He left, going to sit with David and Steve. "She said I'm too good at deciphering girl moods."

"I got the same training from my sisters," David said, patting him on the back. "Jake had to go back last night."

"That's fine," Steve said. "Jake and Xander can hang out as much as they want." He looked at him. "The same as you could come to hang out with me."

"You haven't been home in three days," Xander said dryly.

"That could be a point," he admitted. He patted him on the back. "We'll figure out how to handle this too."

"I offered to make the guest bed up for her so she didn't have to sleep in the closet again," David quipped. "She scowled at me."

Steve shook his head. "She's a teenage girl, sometimes they have moods," Steve said. "She's usually not that way though. Usually she's a down-to-earth girl."

"Parents fighting will do it to anyone, even if they're not divorced," David said. "I yelled at mine during their fights and they were just having normal people arguments. My sisters were shocked but me telling my mother and father that if they didn't quit I was running away and possibly going to drown myself in the river if they didn't quit worked, they talked instead."

Xander looked at him. "I just hid." He slumped back again.

Steve nodded. "My mom died when I was younger." Xander patted him on the arm. Danny came out and didn't look happy. "Should I help you find a place in New Jersey?"

"Nope. They'll try it over the summer." He sat down with a grimace. "Go explain that to the judge. She heard from the back hallway." Xander groaned but went in there to talk to her. He sighed, thumping his head against the wall. "Grace already promised to hang out with her grandparents and aunt for at least a week." He thumped his head again. "And to run away back here if they tried to make her stay."

"We can help you move to a bigger apartment, Danno," Steve said quietly, patting him on the shoulder. "That way she has a bedroom waiting on her." Danny nodded, thumping his head harder this time. "She'll be fine."

"I know. Still sucks."

"Yeah it does," Steve agreed. "We'll deal with it though."

"I know." He looked at David. "She slept in the closet?"

"Yup. She did eat dinner. I put it outside the closet and she ate it then put the plate back. This morning I offered her the guest bed but she scowled."

"She's a girl. They have girl moods," Danny quipped.

"I remember. I have three sisters. Two older and one younger."

Danny grinned. "I've got two sisters and a brother."

"I've got a sister," Steve said. Xander came out scowling. "She mad at them for it?"

"She said I need drugs. And then I proved it." He smirked a tiny bit. "She's got a headache thanks to all that." Grace laughed as she came out, hugging him. "Thank you."

"The judge thinks that a shrink could help him become more normal."

"I'm perfect the way I am," Xander quipped. "Thanks."

Grace gave him a squeeze. "You'd be weird if you were like Danno." She looked at her father. "Are you okay?"

"Your grandmother will tell me *everything*," he said dryly, staring at her. "And if I have to I'll move to a bigger place so you have your own room." She hugged him. Rachel and Stan came out. "When are you going?"

"A few days after school's out."

Rachel looked at the others. "We'll be perfectly safe there, thank you all for your help."

Xander smirked at her. "I'm going to have someone following her just in case. Because no other girls I know don't nag. I'd hate to lose that."

Rachel scowled. "You could've gotten David in trouble for harboring her last night."

Xander snorted. "They would've yelled at you, not us, Rachel. We're being good family friends. They would've gotten onto us if we were holding her hostage or keeping her there by force. Not exactly the same as her not coming out of a closet all night." Rachel scowled. "Giles does that better and he's just as British and uptight. And landed gentry of some sort or another.

"Hell, Spike does it better and he's a thug. Goodness, girl, you so silly," he said in direct imitation. "And trying to hurt David for being a good friend to your daughter means you're evil. Maybe I'll use my saved wish to make sure no one else has hormones." She stomped off. He waved after her, getting swatted by Danny. "It'd definitely save all the men in the world."

"It would, but it'd stop puberty and those things so we'd all be kids forever," Steve complained. "I'd hate that."

"We're getting ice cream on the way home," David said, getting up with a groan. "C'mon, kiddo."

"Yes, David." He waved. "Have more fun." He followed David out and got into his seat in the back. "I feel like you're my driver."

"I am until you're old enough," David quipped, backing out and heading home via a shave ice stand. When he heard a thump in the trunk he got an extra one. When they got home, he parked in the garage and used the trunk release button before walking inside. Grace's shave ice sat on the counter until she came in to eat it. She and Xander settled in to watch some cartoons he liked. David sent a text message to Steve for Danny. They could pick her up later.

***

Steve looked at his phone. "The two kids are having shave ice and cartoons," he announced.

Danny sighed but sent a text message to Stan. Who said it figured and he was fine with it. Rachel was taking a nap and would expect her home later. He shook his head. "Rachel needed a nap."

"Being an evil bitch takes energy," Kono agreed.

"Xander threatened to have someone make sure no one ever had hormones again," Steve quipped. "We convinced him that'd mean we're all children forever."

"Thankfully no one granted it," Chin said. "I'd hate to be a preteen forever."

"At least I wouldn't have to beat people who pinch," Kono shot back.

"It would definitely work out better for most girls," Danny agreed. "I was a nerdy geek looking boy." He looked at Steve. "Never mind, you were probably close to perfect." Steve shook his head, snorting a tiny bit too. "Seriously? Pictures?"

"Not a chance."

"It'd ruin his rep," Chin quipped.

Danny shook his head, sending a text to David. He said he'd drive her home when she was ready to go, or whenever Rachel called to nag. "Yeah, that'll work," he agreed, typing that back. His phone rang and he stared at it. "Rachel's mother." He walked off. "Hello?" He went outside to talk to her. "No, it was partially settled. She's going to summer in Jersey." He listened to her complain about his neediness as he put it. "Yeah, but she's my little girl and I'll be damned if your daughter is going to use her as a weapon against me."

That got a gasp. "Which your daughter was doing grandly, let me tell you. Not only did she upset Gracie enough that she ran away to a friend's house for the night, and slept in a closet by choice, but ....yes, I know where she went, now. I expected a school friend. Instead she went to a coworker's inherited nephew's house to hide in his guardian's closet. They fed her and all that but she refused to come out until the judge wanted to talk to her about things."

He listened. "No, that is not my choice. My choice would be for Rachel to sit her ass somewhere and mostly stay there. Not like she's moving for work. Plus, Gracie's got a better school here! So yeah, she's trying to move her somewhere that's got a lesser education and to piss me off. Your daughter's pregnant and a real piece of work again. Same as she was the last time. Everyone who's met her has called her evil recently as well. One offered to find holy water and a few priests." His former mother-in-law sneered something.

"No, that's not my doing. That's Rachel's doing. All on her. I just protested that she couldn't completely take my daughter away from me. Yeah, and with the new one, I stand a better chance of getting full custody anyway. She's already getting a nanny for it. Proves she doesn't really want to be a mother." His mother-in-law sneered something else and hung up. Danny shrugged and called Stan. "Your mother-in-law is being a shrew and decided all this was my doing as I goaded her into making bad decisions. So beware of her calling ta bitch.

"Yeah, that dragon breathed bitch is back. Have fun with her. No, she's having shave ice and cartoons with Xander. Yeah, David said he'd drop her off if necessary. Yeah, she's not great but she'll deal. Oh, and I told her mom that because of the new kid I'd push harder for full custody just to hear her snap. I'm happy if Gracie is and she seems to mostly be happy with what we have at this moment. Yeah, totally. Guess she woke up the baby? Have fun with that, Stan. Remember, you can probably go hide with Xander and David too." He hung up and went back inside. "My former mother-in-law is one thing I do not miss about my marriage," he said when everyone stared at him.

"I'm glad mine's nice," Chin told him.

Danny nodded. "Yes you are. The dragon breathed bitch blows nothing but foul air. Especially about me being menial. I can't believe she decided I had goaded Rachel into that move. Her words exactly."

"Some parents can find no fault in their children," Steve reminded him.

"Thankfully I'm a realistic parent. Because *damn*." The others all grinned. He sent a text message to his daughter about that call, including the custody demand to make her grandmother snap. She sent back a 'wow, I'm going to have all the hormone causing things pulled out before I get any of them since apparently it's most women in the family, not just the pregnant ones. Danny pointed out that would mean no kids and sometimes the pill stopped those for months. When she was old enough to need one, and he had accepted that fact when she was eighty, she could ask about that. Her laugh back made him happy so that was great.

***

Xander looked up and waved Rachel into the house. "I'm too tired to get up, sorry." He yawned and curled up again. "What's up?"

"You know you shouldn't hide my daughter from me. That could get you and David into legal trouble."

Xander blinked up at her. "You realize that you're wrong, and being stupid?" he shot back. He sat up with a groan. "First, giving a kid who's running away a safe place to hide isn't really against the law. Any officer would tell you that and talk to her about why she ran away. They might bring her back home if they thought it was a stupid reason but in that case, I'm pretty sure they would've brought her to her father instead at her request.

"Secondly, would you rather have her hanging out all night in a park?" She glared. He stared back. "Your mood swings are causing you brain damage." She tried to hit him but he blocked it and David came out to haul her off and out back. Where he called Danny and Stan both to talk to them. Xander sighed, laying back down. His hellhound puppy friend showed up and he curled up with her. "Thanks, step-puppy." He yawned again. "It was a long night with the happy party up the street being so loud."

Steve strolled in. "They out back?" The dog barked. "Thanks. Rest, Xander."

"She tried to slap me when I told her the mood swings were ruining her mind. She tried to tell me us letting Grace hide was illegal and we'd get arrested."

"Hell no." He went out there to look at her. "A judge sent me to tell you to stop blowing things out of proportion and quit making your husband have a fit before we can't finish convicting a child molester he's testifying against today."

"It's illegal!" she shouted with a point at David.

"No it's not," Steve said. He called someone. "Duke, me."

"Yes, Commander," the local patrol supervisor said patiently.

"I need you to answer a question for Danny's ex-wife about his daughter running away. She ran to a friend of the team's, and hers, and hid all night in a closet. Rachel believes that would get David and Xander arrested for hosting her."

"Nope. The officer would talk to the kid and try to talk them home or to an alternate parent that had reasonable custody expectations," he said. "That's how the rule was written exactly when someone asked the last Chief of Police to clarify the Yoda speaking law. Frankly, if that's who I think it is, she was a lot safer there than she would've been at a friend's house. At least you can trust that little guy to guard her in case something happened. And also to talk her out of the closet you said she hid in."

"We offered, she refused to come out of the closet," David told him. "Even for a hug from Xander."

The patrol supervisor snorted. "Sometimes girls are like that. It's all hormones. Even if the custodial parent complained we wouldn't do more than give them a ticket to appear and that would be an extremely forced decision unless the officer thought she was in danger. I've seen that little guy do many things but they were all protective."

"We'd like to hear about them," David quipped. "Because he never tells us and he sneaks off sometimes."

"Yup, if we catch him doing it, we'll nag."

"Thank you." He looked inside the house then at Steve. "The neighbors had a wedding last night."

"That happens and it's a good day for a nap," Steve agreed. "I have to get back to the courthouse anyway." He looked at Rachel, who was just huffing and glaring. "Sorry, but that is the law, Rachel. Thanks, Duke." He hung up and put his phone back. It had been Danny's suggestion so she didn't have to take their word for it. "With as sensible as Grace usually is, her running away is an extreme act and we'd worry about what caused it.

"She's not like some kids that will run away at the word 'no'. And really, wouldn't you rather have her somewhere safe instead of in the park overnight or at a friend's house where her friend was getting her to drink? Because two of her classmates already have alcohol problems. I can only imagine why." She shrank away from him. "You really need to talk to your doctor about your mood swings, Rachel. You're not usually like this."

"Xander wanted to find some priests and holy water," David quipped.

"I don't think she's possessed," Steve said, looking at her again. "If so, we might have to." He shrugged. "I'd have to look those up. I have no idea about them."

"We have a book but it's in Latin," David admitted.

"I'll take it later and translate it online." He looked at Rachel again. "Want driven home? That way you get there safely?"

"No. I'm fine." She stomped off. David followed to make sure she didn't snap at Xander again. Steve came in shaking his head as he headed out. Xander slept through that stomping off thankfully. David sent a message to Danny that the yelling had stopped, she was heading home, and Steve was heading back to the courthouse.

Danny was taking a direct path, calling Rachel's doctor. "Hi, I'm the ex-husband of a patient and she's pregnant. She's got some extreme mood swings that have gotten her pulled into court twice now. Can you make a note to have a talk with her about that?" The nurse said something. He gave her Rachel's name and date of birth then told her what had happened. She agreed that was a bit excessive and she'd make a note, and that they had heard that already from her current husband. Danny grinned and thanked her before hanging up. Hopefully they'd get her on something to help those problems. Before everyone else needed those drugs too.

***

David and Xander were dragged to Chin and Kono's family dinner, with Steve and Danny, and they were nice to them. Xander got a lot of fussing over, making him hide behind Steve. Steve looked back at him after the first time then smiled at the older lady. "He's not used to people fussing over him. His parents were horrible."

She smiled. "That's fine. A young boy his age needs some mothering."

Danny grinned, shaking his head from where he was sitting. "The only thing he understands about mothering is someone who bakes for his sweet tooth. He tried to avoid us putting on bandaids at first. Tried to hide inside an air vent to get away from us checking his booboos."

"Awwww. Poor little guy but he'll learn better. Plus it'll help Kono remind herself that she's a woman and would someday like kids."

Xander peeked out. "I love Kono like a sister but she can't bake and she's not pushy about girl things. I hate girls. They're weird and clingy and do stupid stuff that annoy me like nagging."

She smiled and patted him on the head. "Not all girls. Some are tough ones like Kono, dear." She went to talk to her niece.

Steve pulled Xander around, letting him sit next to him. "You can hide over here."

"Thanks. I accidentally left David to the women though."

Steve looked then shrugged. "They're flirting. If he needs saved from them he'll go hide behind Chin."

"That's cool. David could use a nice girlfriend and a night off to enjoy how she wiggles for him. It's been a while for the guy."

Steve patted him on the back. "We'll make sure your first girlfriend is nice when you're old enough."

Xander looked at him. "You realize that Cordelia and Anya were the nicest ever, right? I mean one was a mummy that was having to kill to regain her form and life. I felt sorry for her, she was sacrificed against her will."

Steve looked down at him then at Danny. "From what I've heard they'd end up on our caseload so we'll be able to wait on him to get done. First time's always fast."

Xander snorted, looking at him. "I may have to build back up the stamina that Anya trained into me but not the skills, Danny."

"Uh-huh. We'll see. Remember, going to be a while."

"Oh, I know. And it sucks badly." He sighed. The food table was suddenly clear of people. "I'm going to get something to eat." He snuck over past all the fussy people and got a plate from the shrimp truck guy. "Thanks," he said with a grin. "They're fussing so I'm hiding." He scurried back to Steve's seat to sit and eat.

Steve grinned at the older woman coming over to fuss. "Have you met my nephew Xander? I and a few others inherited him because his parents are missing."

"Awww." Xander looked up at her, still chewing. She pinched his cheek. "Steve's a good man to take you in."

"I share him with two other uncles," Steve said. "One's in Colorado and the other's active duty with the Army."

"That's sweet of you." She stared at Xander. "I hope you learn from Steve about how to be a good boy."

Xander swallowed, staring up at her. "I'm a very good, protective boy already, ma'am. Ask Danny, I drive his daughter nuts protecting her." He smiled. "Maybe he'll teach me how to surf some day but otherwise I'm a pretty good boy." She snorted but pinched Steve's cheek and walked off. "I need to hide harder," he muttered, stuffing his mouth again.

"You'll get used to all the cousins," Danny assured him. "My family reunions are like this only a bit louder. We always have at least two cousins fighting over something stupid."

Xander looked at him. "But I don't have to go to that. You can bring David to introduce him to nice girls, unlike the ones on that show about Jersey's shore."

Danny shook his head. "Those are young, stupid victims, kiddo. Most of Jersey ain't like that."

"Thankfully or Rutgers would be worse," Xander quipped.

"True. That's interior though." He gave him a smug look. "Finish up so you can hide. I can hear Kono's mom." Xander took his plate with him under the table. Steve and Danny shared a smirk. Xander managed to sneak off and go find a quieter corner after a few more fussing women tried to get him to come out so they could coddle and fuss over him. He found some younger teens talking about how giggolo they were. Xander looked up at the one staring down at him. "You know giggolos are actually male prostitutes, right? So how much do you charge? David's got sisters and they might like you since you're cute and young." A few laughed but the main ones spluttered and choked. "Though I wouldn't think about bragging about that near Danny. He has a huge fit about pros." He heard a female and looked around. "Shit, they found me again." He ran off and went to hide in Steve's truck. He could hide and nap in there until the torture was done with.

"Man!" one of the kids complained. Kono looked over. "That kid has no sense of modern culture! Giggolos aren't pros!"

"Yes they are," she said. "No matter what the rap songs tell you, yes they are. They're male pros and they get paid shit wages just like the ladies do. You have fun if that's your future career goals but I wouldn't tell me more than that since I'd have to arrest you then call your mother to come bail you out, cuz." That teenage boy walked off pouting with his posse. She looked at that one's mother, who just rolled her eyes. "I'd call as soon as I heard he was arrested for it," she promised with a smile. "Then pop popcorn."

Her aunt patted her on the arm. "I'd have to decide if I was going to make it last that long or not, Kono, dear. Where is that young boy?"

"Hiding from all of us older women. He's very against being fussed over."

"That figures. Why isn't Steve raising him?"

"With as often as he gets shot at?"

"That's a good point."

"David's a nice guy. Xander's other uncle is a general and he picked David from some of his former guys. He's got sisters so he understands how the women around Xander warped him so tragically and all that he's seen."

"That's good. I understand perfectly." She looked at Danny, Steve, and Chin where they were joking. "Too bad Steve won't just man up and admit it." She walked off going to find her daughter to make sure she was behaving. She and her friend were talking about clothes that were way too showy.

"But, Mom, boys like them."

"The boys who can't imagine what your breasts look like without seeing them are too dumb for you," Kono called with a grin. "Their minds are dull and weak if they can't imagine what a pair of breasts look like. Not like they look much different in more than size, niece. Get a boy that's not that dumb before you bring down the bloodline by having kids with that sort."

"Yes, Aunt Kono," she complained, pouting at her. "Boys my age don't like classy girls."

"Then don't date those lame asses," she shot back.

"Mom would freak out if I went for high school boys."

"That's because all they want is your panties and what's inside them," her mother said firmly. "You can wait."

Danny walked over. "One of my daughter's classmates is already having her period," he said quietly to the mom. "She's almost ten." The mother gave him an odd look. "Yeah, I had to move up talking to my daughter about all that stuff. Another two were wondering about what to do with their breasts so were looking up ...movies after school during a study session to find out what to do with them. Thankfully my daughter knows hers aren't that important yet."

The mother looked her daughter over. "It may be time to talk about periods and that stuff then."

"Too late that," her daughter quipped. "I've had that now for six weeks, Mom."

"Straight?" she demanded.

"No. Thankfully not. I would've whined about that."

"We are having a talk later, daughter."

"I figured," she said dryly. She looked at Danny. "How old's your daughter?"

"Eleven. And we had that talk with her recently. Right after someone I used to work with sent out announcements about his future grandchild from a daughter that's only a few months older than my Gracie." The mother shuddered. "Mixed kids party with parental liquor."

"Oh, those poor parents and that girl." She looked at hers. "You know I'll kill you, right?"

Her daughter nodded. "It doesn't look interesting anyway."

"GOOD!" She pulled her daughter off to talk with some of her favorite female relatives.

Danny grinned at the other girl. "She'll escape in a few minutes. You see where Xander went?" She pointed. "Parking lot?"

"Yeah. I heard a car door slam too."

"Thanks. Go have food. You're too skinny." He went to talk to Steve again. "Xander's in some car."

"We can check later," Steve agreed. He sipped his beer, watching the family nag the teenagers. "We should have that talk with Xander too," he decided.

"Not like it won't be years," Chin reminded him.

"We hope," Danny agreed. "Though David asked what he should do about the lady who's sending him interesting letters."

Chin looked over at David. "I'd save him but my cousins are mean and I'd hate to die. Steve, cover me?"

"Not even close," he said with a grin. "They scare me, Chin." Kono laughed as she joined them. "What sort of interesting letters?"

"That's all he said," Chin admitted. "He asked me about how to handle letters." Danny nodded he agreed.

Kono looked over. "They're just teasing. No one's decided to go for him. Hey, David," she called, waving a hand over. "Come tell us about whoever's writing the kid."

"Excuse me, ladies." He smiled and went to hide with them. "Thank you," he said quietly. He had learned how to be partially diplomatic at the SGC but not even the alien women who had only wanted sperm had been that insistent. "Where's the kid?"

"Somewhere in the parking lot hiding in a car," Danny said. "Sophie's friend there heard a car door slam."

"That's fine. He could probably use the rest." He sat down, looking at Steve. "I've now got three letters of interest from an international assassin who wants to hook him up with her daughter."

Steve stared at him then checked his beer before drinking a careful sip. "Did I hear you correctly?"

"Yeah, you did."

"Is she here?" Danny asked. "Or local usually?"

"No clue and no idea how to find out. I nearly went to Jerry to ask him but I doubt he's heard of her."

"Bring the letters in tomorrow," Steve said.

"I can do that." One of Kono's cousins came over to flirt with David again. He grinned. "Hi."

"David, I've got the kid tonight. He said you needed a night off," Steve said.

"Thanks," he said, smirking at him. He could throttle Steve for shoving him at the mercy of those sharks. She led him off, though he did look back and give Kono a 'save me' look.

She grinned and waved. "She's nice enough and not freaky, David. Her former husband was always too tired for her so be good to her." She sipped her drink, looking at Danny. "You could use a new date, brah."

"Yeah, but I do okay most of the time," he admitted with a smirk. "Thanks though."

"Welcome."

"I think we should introduce your family to mine. It'd keep mine from fighting for entertainment and yours would have new people to flirt with," Danny quipped.

"That would be a loud family meeting," Chin complained. "And a lot of food too."

"Hey, leftovers to take home," Kono quipped with a grin. "Saves me from cooking dinner a few nights in a row."

"Good point," Chin agreed.

"It'd take most of a 747 from Jersey to get them all here," Steve said. "Or the ones here to New Jersey."

"Pity, man," Chin said, watching his cousins circle David. "Because they're going to eat him." Kono nodded.

"We can save him if someone else doesn't," Steve said. Another younger woman came over to save David by pulling him over to dance with her to the music being played.

When it was time to go home, Steve checked a few cars and found a snoring lump in his so he waved. Danny nodded and got into his own car to go home. Steve got into the truck, going as quietly as he could to not wake the kid. Xander stayed asleep even when he parked and got out, carrying him inside to the couch. Xander got to nap down there under a throw blanket that Danny and Grace had both used to sleep on the couch before. Steve went up to strip down and sleep. He'd wake up if the kid did, probably.

***

Xander flinched awake near dawn, looking around. He frowned, checking the couch then the room again. "Steve's?" he muttered. He snuck into the kitchen. "Yup, Steve's." He thought about going to the bathroom but it was only five in the morning and he didn't want to wake Steve up so he'd hold it for a few more hours. It wouldn't be later than eight. He laid there reading one of the magazines on the table. When Steve's shower came on, Xander sighed in relief and ran to the bathroom to use it.

Steve, who had heard that, smiled. The kid was being polite. By the time he came down the couch was straightened up and Xander was in the fridge. "Want breakfast? I usually swim before I eat."

"No, I'm okay," he said, looking up at him. "I was checking on caffeine." Steve pointed at the coffee maker then went outside. "Sure, I can do that." Steve came in to make a pot and pour the kid a cup then went back to stretching before his swim. Xander grinned, settling in to drink his breakfast. He could get real food later since Steve's fridge was full of things that no one he knew could eat. Steve came in and was already on his phone, barking orders. Xander sighed but made sure he had his shoes and things. Steve came down and Xander followed him out to the truck, getting in and buckling himself up. Steve glanced at him and nodded, driving them off to the scene.

Kono looked over then called someone. "David, me. Xander's here waiting in Steve's truck. We got called in on an early body." He hung up with a groan. She put her phone back. "He'll be here soon."

"That's fine. Xander knows to stay in the truck. And use it to run someone over if they cause problems for us." Danny parked and got out with a door slam, walking over. "Morning."

"Morning." He came over to look at the body. "That's pretty gross." They all heard the truck start and suddenly it ran over someone who had a video camera that wasn't professional quality. She shrieked but didn't die when the truck pinned her. Danny walked over, already scowling. "What did you to do make the kid run you over, lady?" He tossed Chin the camera since he was walking over. "The kid ran her over."

"Interesting." He viewed the footage she had already taken. "Of the crime scene. She filmed it," he called.

"Her sister's an assassin who thinks I'm cute," Xander called with a wave and a grin for her. "Hi. How're you?"

"You and my niece would be great together," she admitted. "Damn. I thought my sister was weird."

Danny hauled her up to cuff her. "Nope. Not allowed. Sorry. He's got to date nice girls so my daughter has a good example to follow." He walked her off to a squad car. "Make sure she's in a sealed room. Her sister's an assassin."

"We heard," one quipped. "Want one of us to take the kid too?"

"Nah. He's good. He'll nap or something for the next few." He walked off. "Thanks though. We shouldn't be too long since she had film."

"Welcome." He got in to drive the lady back to the station. This was so weird. Especially that mini McGarrett.

***

Xander nearly passed out but he was already on a couch so at least his dizziness wasn't caught. The others were working, no one had any food in their desks, he knew that already, and he was starving. Xander waited until he could get up then hiked down to Jerry's office. He usually had at least something to eat. "Jerry," he called into his office.

"Bathroom," he called from up the hall.

"Okay." He went in to look at his desk. No food. Which was very weird. Jerry came in a minute later. "Do you have anything I can eat?"

"Did they forget to feed you?" he asked. Xander nodded. "Crap. No, I had to clean things out for a bug check. I've got a few bucks for the machine."

Xander waved a hand and shook his head. "Empty of everything but the chips that give you the runs and makes you sick when you eat them because they taste funny."

"Eww. I hate those." He walked him back, pausing to pick the kid up since he was so slow. This was not normal Xander behavior. He walked in and stared at Danny and Steve, two experienced with kids people. "Did you forget something today?"

"You didn't have to go bug Jerry," Danny said, taking him to hold. "We would've given you a new book or something, Xander."

"Try eating," Jerry said. Danny winced but nodded. "Machines are empty. My office is empty thanks to the bug check."

"None of us tend to keep food in here," Steve muttered. "Sorry, kiddo. Danny, he had coffee for breakfast."

Jerry stared at him. "Was that today? Because you haven't left the office in a day."

Danny smacked himself on the head. "I forgot you were here, kiddo. Sorry."

"I can handle it," he said. "That's why I went to bug Jerry."

"Yeah, not allowed," Danny said. "C'mon, we'll go get everyone something to eat. Kono, salad?"

"Oh, please," she snorted. "I'm not a rabbit. Get real food, brah."

Steve had to grab the kid since he just wobbled. "Shit." He took him to the office. "Someone go get food he'll eat." Danny and Kono left together. "Sorry, Xander. Maybe I should give you back to David again."

Jerry was calling David, walking off talking to him. He promised he'd be there soon. And that the SG doc was in again. That was going to be a loud fit.

David showed up shortly after food appeared. "Hey, Steve, Lam's here," he called as he walked in.

"It was an accident. We forgot he was here," Danny said. "And didn't get to eat ourselves."

Doctor Lam stared at him. "I should hit you for that. That's not good for you or the kid."

"He passed out," Jerry said quietly. "He's being fed by Steve."

"Good!" She went in to check him over. "I came in to do your usual check and give you shots." Xander grimaced. "I know but still necessary." She smirked. "Finish up. I'll nag your caregivers." She stared at Steve.

"It was purely accidental, Doctor Lam. I forgot and I take full responsibility for that."

"At least I'm not a tiny baby," Xander quipped. "Then it would've been a real problem."

"You passed out. That's a real problem," Steve told him. He sighed and stared at her. "I forgot he was here. He was in here reading for most of it."

"No, I went to talk to some of the patrol officers," Xander said. "They were being uptight thanks to the higher ups being in to nag about stupid things that they did to themselves." He ate another bite of burger. "It made the higher ups huff off in a snit that the officers were forced to not listen to them whine."

"That figures." Steve looked at him. "Next time, tell me!"

"I will," he sighed, stuffing his mouth again.

"You haven't eaten since the family dinner thing. You only had coffee that morning." He ran his hands through his hair. "I'm a massive fuck up as an uncle."

"I could've handled it if the machine wasn't empty," Xander told him.

"That's my job, not yours," Steve told him.

"Enough," Lam ordered. "We'll handle it. Xander, it's his and David's job to feed you." She gave him a pointed look. "It's making him feel miserable. In the future, pop up to make sure they eat with you because them going without for over a day isn't good for them either." She checked him over. "You've got a fever."

"I had the flu a few days back," Xander said.

"Uh-huh. You still have the flu. Or the effects of it." She ran the scanner over him. "Yup, you do." David groaned, hauling Xander up. "Get him into a good bath and feed him soft stuff tonight." Xander got the other half of his burger to eat on the way out to the car. She looked at Steve. "You need to quit ignoring that. It's a biological need for a reason, Commander." He grimaced but nodded. "From now on, I'll expect him to remind you to eat if you're together for that long.

"Though, not half as bad as Jake did since he didn't realize Xander had some of his beer sauce covered salad that once." She patted him on the arm. "You'll both be fine. Go eat something." He nodded, going to do that. She walked out, smiling at Danny since he was scowling at the table. "He knows from now on to come nag you to eat with him. That way you all quit forgetting. Unless it's an emergency of course." They all nodded. "You need to quit skipping meals too. You can't run down and chase people on no fuel, people." She made notes and went back to the house to check on her patient.

"Even I forgot he was here and he was napping on my couch," Danny said gently. Steve nodded, still grimacing at his own failure. "Hey." Steve stared at him. "Even I forgot and I've got a kid. Quit. Now. He could've said something and didn't because of all that fucked up shit he's been through. The same as you wouldn't have said a thing about being hungry, just went to find something."

"Yeah, I guess. I think that's why he went to mug Jerry's office." He frowned but let it clear up. "We've got to be more careful."

Danny nodded. "We will be. She's right, we all gotta eat soon. Before Chin looks like a fainting damsel or something."

Chin snorted, shaking his head. "I snuck some peanuts last night. I forgot Xander was here too."

"So we'll do better," Kono said firmly. The others nodded. "And we won't tell any of the nagging ones so we don't have to hear about this forever."

"Agreed," Chin said dryly. "The aunts will never let that go."

"Or Rachel," Danny said. "Or Gracie." He winced and called her. "If you were supposed to go hang with Xander, he's been with us at the office. Sorry, Gracie." He grinned. "That's good. No, Doctor Lam said that he's coming down from the flu. So call first, kiddo. Thanks." He hung up and sighed. "She was supposed to go over tonight."

"We would've went looking for him then," Kono said. "She's going to be better than you are at nagging, Danny."

"Thanks." He grinned. "It's hereditary." The others all smiled and found a take out menu to call something in before the doctor came back with needles to give them shots too. They had heard stories from David about the doctors at the SGC.

***

Xander looked at himself a few days later, then sighed. "David, I'm growing again."

"Kids do that," he assured him, hiding his grin.

"I'm not shopping."

"Sure, we can get you a sarong, Xander."

"Not like I'm a skirt wearing guy, David." He came out to stare at him. "I'm really not. And even then I'd probably outgrow them soon too." He walked off to take off the shorts and just wear boxers for a bit.

"Grace is coming over later," David reminded him. He looked at him. "Nothing fits?"

"Unless it's in the wash, no."

"Let me check the wash before she has to giggle over guy bodies." He went to check the wash and the dryer. The washer had stuff that had soured it had sat there so long. He restarted it and added more detergent. The dryer had towels. He had wondered where those were so he folded them. He took them to the bathroom and then went back to making them breakfast. "I saw your blue shorts."

"I think we were washing those to take them to a thrift store," Xander admitted with a frown and a pout.

"Could be. We could run out for something." He looked at him. "Ordering things will probably take at least a week. You can't run around nearly naked for that long. Especially since you've been called to talk to the local demon community school in a few days, kiddo."

Xander winced. Then a thought hit and he sat up straighter. "I ordered last week."

"I can see where it is," he said, pulling that up on his laptop since it was on the breakfast bar. "It says it's delivered." He went to check the porch and mailbox. Sure enough, two packages. He brought them in and saw the telltale twinkle. "Someone's magicing your stuff."

"That might matter to some things but not everything. Some was getting tight last month." He took the package with his name on it to look inside. They were Barbie clothes. He looked up then smirked. "Sure, let me run around naked around my cousins and those sort. Really. I'm told the healing thingy made sure I can have kids again." The spells ended and he grinned. "Thanks. Really." He went to put on the new pair of jeans and came out with a sigh. "I really need to find out who that is and beat them to death with something hard."

"It's probably some minion of that hell goddess that wants you when you're old enough."

"Maybe. Then it'd be a justified hell no beating I guess."

A demon appeared, already sneering. "I am not a minion!" he shouted. "And you are an uppity mortal boy!"

"Who is a hunter, even if I'm a tiny one," Xander shot back before throwing his knife at the demon. It shrieked and died. "And learning new skills daily," he quipped. "Thanks for teaching me that, David."

"Not a problem. Clean up the mess before cops arrive. The neighbors are nosy enough to call them." Xander nodded, going to get an already dirty towel to clean up the demon blood on the floor. He looked over as someone knocked and went to open the door. "Sorry, had a stalker show up." He went back to cleaning up his mess. "David, I can't drag him outside."

"I can do that, kiddo." He grinned at the officer. "That one magically made all the kid's clothes shrink so he had to run around nearly naked. When we complained he showed up to complain at us."

The officer just nodded. "That's really weird."

"Sometimes they think I'm like candy but I'm kinda mean," Xander said with a grin. "I don't want this one's scaley ass. Especially at my age."

"I get that," the officer agreed, nodding a few times. "Can you do it without burning?"

"I can drop him off at the local Council center in a few minutes," David promised.

"That's fine. Just be a bit more quiet please. The neighbor thought you were being attacked by animals again."

"We had a possessed dog stuck on us a few weeks back," Xander told him. "It thought I was fun too." The officer just nodded and left them to it. Xander looked at David. "Trunk of the car?"

"Yeah, good idea." He got the demon's body into the truck while Xander made breakfast more portable and turned off the coffee maker. They drove the demon there so David could hand it to one of the community center guards. "He showed up to tell Xander that he wasn't shrinking his clothes for the hell goddess who thinks he's hot." He went back to the car and they went home. Xander still had schoolwork to do.

The guard carried the body in there to report that to his boss. Who was not amused but that happened around hunters at times.

***

Buffy looked up as soldiers ran up to where she and Willow were having lunch. "Guys," she warned when she was grabbed and walked off. "Hey, my purse," she complained. It was grabbed with her lunch. At least Willow was being hauled with her. "What's going on? New emergency with demons?" Buffy demanded, looking at the guy holding her.

"No, ma'am, you're going to have to fill in for the soldiers your witch turned into cute animals for daring to protect us all. Since it's her fault, you get to die for them. The president said so. We're getting you some help of course but she did it so she has to fix it by what we're told."

Buffy glared at Willow. "You did what?"

"They're interfering in demon things!" she defended in a pouty whine. "It's going to get the peaceful communities more notice and they're going to get attacked. Those gou'ald are demons, Buffy."

"They're not," one of the soldiers said. "They're alien." Willow glared at him. "Had to have one removed from my gut, Miss Rosenburg. It wasn't demonic by any means. You did it, you deal with it. By the way, we're looking for one of your people. Where is Mr. Harris?"

Buffy looked at him. "Long story that has a wish involved."

"He's dead," Willow ground out, getting free. They hauled her off anyway, no matter how much she tried to fight back.

Buffy looked at the guy pulling her, stopping him. "Xander got deaged by a wish," she said very quietly, making sure Willow couldn't hear. "She's under a memory charm to believe he's dead so she's better than the deaging thing was causing."

"Got it," he agreed.

"He's also known as Jack O'Neill's nephew."

He grinned. "We know about that little guy. We can talk to him later."

"He's got a guardian who was one of you guys."

"Great! We could use the help." He got her into the van and they took her off. Buffy did send text messages to Wesley, Fred, and Giles just in case. Willow was now unconscious. The soldier looked at her. "Done?" She nodded, tucking her phone into her purse. He knocked her out too. The soldiers shared a look. "The little nephew that O'Neill inherited? Call his guardian. He was one of us."

"Got it," the driver agreed. "And he's got a SEAL uncle who could probably help us too. At least until she changes everyone back. Thankfully Atlantis was left alone. I can only imagine Sheppard taking her out for it if he was suddenly a cat."

"Or McKay a bird," one of the guys in the back quipped. "The screaming would never end."

"Don't remind me," the driver said. "He's already screaming about magic."

***