In the Arms of an Angel by kirallie

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Dean bit his lip nervously once he was alone with Sam. He knew Castiel was right, Sam had the right to know what he had done but...how could he live if Sam hated him? He heard a distressed sound come from Sam and pulled him close without even thinking, wrapping his arms around his baby brother to offer comfort but to his surprise Sam fought him.

“Sam?” Dean whispered as Sam struggled and then he heard what Sam was whispering.

“Don’t deserve...monster......can’t want me............” Dean felt his heart break at the broken words, though he was confused since Sam seemed to be calling himself a monster, not Dean.

“Shh Sammy, its okay kiddo, just calm down.” Dean soothed, pulling Sam around so his face was buried in the crook of Dean’s neck.
“It’s gonna be okay.”

“No, please don’t.” Sam sobbed.

“Hey come on Sammy, talk to me kiddo. Can’t make it better if you don’t tell me what’s wrong. I promise I won’t leave you Sam, no matter what.”

“But...we hunt monster so you have to hunt me.” Sam was well on the way to becoming hysterical as he half clung to Dean while trying to push his brother away at the same time. Dean froze as Harry appeared but relaxed at the concerned look on the other man’s face. He slowly approached with another vial in his hand.

“Sam can you drink this for me please?” Harry asked quietly and panicked hazel turned to him.
“It’ll help make things better Sam.” Harry looked to Dean who nodded.

“Come on Sam, drink up.” Dean encouraged and Sam opened his mouth, letting Harry pour the liquid in and then Dean was rubbing his back, encouraging him to swallow. As soon as he did he relaxed in Dean’s arms, his breathing slowly becoming calmer. Dean looked at Harry who smiled.

“Calming Draught, it’ll last a few hours. Give a shout if you need anything else, we’re upstairs.” With that Harry vanished again. Dean was content to just sit for a while, holding Sam as he continued relaxing. Finally Sam was completely relaxed in his arms, snuggling in as close as he could and Dean let him.

“Feel better?” He whispered and Sam raised his head. Dean reached out and gently brushed the tears from Sam’s face and Sam hiccupped, making him chuckle.
“That’s better, isn’t it?” he asked and Sam finally nodded.

“Sorry.” Sam whispered and Dean shifted on the couch since his legs were going numb, Sam was too big to fit in his lap anymore but his baby brother had done a very good job of trying.

“You’ve got nothing to be sorry for Sammy, everything’s happened so quickly...but it’s going to be okay.” Dean told him and Sam shook his head.

“No it won’t.” He insisted and Dean sighed.

“Sam.”

“No. You can’t stay with me Dean, I’m a monster.” Sam told him and Dean had a feeling if it wasn’t for whatever Harry had given Sam his brother would be yelling. But thanks to the draught Sam seemed unnaturally calm and almost sleepy.

“Why do you think that Sam?” Dean forced himself to ask.

“Don’t think, know it. I...I’m a freak, a demon blood drinking freak.” Sam answered, mumbling and not looking at him and Dean froze. What?

“Sam what?”

“I drank Ruby’s blood, it tastes good and...and I want it, I need it!” Sam whispered and Dean closed his eyes, tightening his grip on Sam. His baby brother was an addict.
“I’ve been using my powers and it helps. I broke my promise but...I was all alone and I couldn’t.” Sam stopped, hiding his face in Dean’s shirt and Dean could feel his tears soaking through. He didn’t know what to say or do, what could he say to that? Instead of trying he simply held Sam as he cried.
“Are you going to hunt me?” Sam finally asked and Dean shook his head.

“Never Sammy, I’ll never hunt you or let anyone do it.” Dean whispered, holding his brother close.

“But Dad.”

“Screw Dad! I sold my soul to protect you Sam. I could never kill you, never. If it’s what you want or need then that’s okay and if you want to stop then I’ll help you through it.”

“Promise?” Sam whispered, barely audible and Dean nodded.

“Promise.” He answered firmly and Sam sat back a bit, managing a hesitant smile which Dean returned.
“I missed you so much kiddo, you were all I could hang on to down there.” Dean told him and Sam got off his lap but curled up next to him and Dean wrapped an arm around his shoulders.

“Was it as bad as....”

“Worse. Time’s different there, ten years for a month here.” Dean admitted and Sam gasped.

“That means...nearly forty years.”

“Sam I...I did things....I....I couldn’t take it, I tried so hard but I just couldn’t.” Dean whispered and now Sam was the one hugging him.

“Dean?”

“Thirty years I said no, let them tear me apart but I...I was tired Sam, so tired. I just wanted it to stop hurting.” Dean admitted and Sam’s eyes went wide, he had a feeling he knew what Dean had done and he tightened his grip, determined to be strong for Dean like he had when Sam had confessed.
“Sammy I...I said yes. Alistair asked and I said yes. I got off the rack and I....I put others on it. And it didn’t hurt me but...they screamed so loud.” Dean whispered and Sam buried his head in Dean’s neck, making sure Dean couldn’t pull away.

“You held out so long Dean, I couldn’t even go four months without breaking and doing what a demon wanted. You’re stronger than me, you always are. Help me Dean, please.” Sam begged and Dean sat up, wiping at his eyes.

“Help you what Sam?” Dean asked and pleading hazel eyes met his.

“Get it out of me. I don’t want to drink it anymore.” Sam whispered and Dean smiled brokenly.

“I’ll help Sam, not gonna leave you alone.”

------------------------------
Castiel watched his lover pace restlessly. Since Harry had delivered the potion things had been calmer but that didn’t stop the younger immortal from worrying. The next time he passed Castiel reached out and grabbed his wrist, pulling him down into his lap. Harry blinked in surprise but then Castiel kissed him and Harry relaxed, returning the kiss happily.

“Now that you’re calmer we should talk.” Castiel said and Harry pulled a face.

“I could get upset again so you’ll have to calm me down?” Harry suggested and Castiel rolled his eyes.
“Oh fine. Sam was trying to tell Dean what he’s been up to so hopefully Dean will too. But was I really seeing...”

“They are soul mates.” Castiel confirmed and Harry swore in every language he knew, which was quite a few.

“What imbecile made soul mates brothers? They’ve probably been so confused! No wonder Sam left his family, he probably didn’t want to freak them out! And then...is Sam, is he really...I mean the poor kid...”

“Sam is Lucifer’s Vessel and Dean is marked too.” Castiel answered to stop Harry babbling.

“You don’t think...Michael? No way he’d go along with it, right? But someone is seriously getting my foot up their arse for this.” Harry growled, a few bits of furniture trembling in response. Castiel rubbed his back and Harry slowly calmed.
“We have to help them, if the Seals break........it’d kill Dean for Sam to be Lucifer’s vessel, especially if he is Michael’s since Michael will be expected to kill Lucifer. This is more messed up than the war!”

“They have us Harry and Michael will not go for that either, he is the one who let us know what was happening after all. We will have to discuss things as a group and make an appropriate plan but there isn’t much that can be done until Sam goes through detox.” Castiel told him calmly and Harry slowly relaxed.

“I’ll set the basement up for it. What do you think I’ll need?”

“Somewhere for him to lie comfortably, he’ll become delusional at some point. We may even need to restrain him. His powers will also need to be blocked to keep him from hurting himself or Dean.”

“Right, I’ll go do that then.” Harry vanished and Castiel smiled before picking up a piece of paper and starting a coded note for Michael.

-------------------------------------
Sam and Dean were still pretty much wrapped around each other when Harry and Castiel rejoined them but neither man said anything so the brothers stayed as they were.

“So...”Harry started but then trailed off.

“We know what, yeah.” Sam answered and Harry nodded.

“Sam, about the blood drinking.”

“I want to stop.” Sam cut in adamantly and Harry smiled at him.

“That’s good to hear but it’s not going to be easy. You’re addicted to it and coming off that...it’ll be harder than any drug habit to break. It could also be dangerous.” Harry explained.

“The basement has been prepared for your use. Wards are in place to keep your powers in check but they may not be fully successful. You will be in there for several days at least and most likely will become ill.” Castiel continued and Sam paled, curling closer to Dean.

“I’m staying with him.” Dean stated and Harry sighed.

“You realise it could be dangerous? And if Sam becomes delusional he may not even know it’s you, he could lash out.” Harry warned but Dean just held Sam tightly.

“You won’t stop me, I won’t let him go through it alone.” Dean insisted.

“Dean, I don’t want to hurt you.” Sam whispered.

“You won’t.” Dean assured him.

“Sam when was the last time you had any blood?” Harry asked, watching him closely.

“About....two days before Castiel came...it hurts but it’s not too bad.” Sam admitted.

“Your hands are shaking.” Dean said and sure enough Sam’s hands were trembling.

“How about you have a shower, dress in warm, comfortable clothes, T-shirt and sweatpants would probably be best, and then we’ll start.” Harry said and Sam nodded, getting up slowly. Dean got up as well and steadied him when he swayed.

“Come on Sammy, let’s get you cleaned up.” Dean wrapped an arm around Sam’s waist and they headed upstairs.

---------------------------
Sam hesitated in the doorway when he saw the room but Dean’s presence helped him take the final step. Harry followed them in and turned the lights on. The room was empty except for a queen sized bed and a curtained off area that seemed to hold a toilet. What scared him where the shackles attached to the wall around the bed. He knew they’d be necessary but the thought of being chained down... He shivered and Dean hugged him. It was...weird but a good weird to have Dean so openly affectionate. He needed it though and he had a feeling Dean knew that.

“Food will appear three times a day, just oatmeal and broths from Sam but you’ll get something more substantial Dean. Toilets over there, Sam’s shackles will magically lengthen when he needs to use it. There’s cloths and water to help keep him cool if he develops a fever. And you can call for either of us if we’re needed.” Harry explained as Sam nervously sat down on the bed. Harry carefully attached the wrist cuff and then Sam lay down and he attached the ankle ones.
“They’re charmed so he can’t hurt himself on them.” Harry said at Dean’s look at the hard metal.
“They’ll even stay warm so he doesn’t get cold due to the metal. Well...guess that’s everything. Yell if you need everything or when it’s over. Good luck.” With that Harry left and locked the door behind him. Dean got on the bed and lay beside Sam who was beginning to tremble more.

“It’s gonna be okay Sammy, I got you.” He whispered and Sam managed a shaky smile for him.

TBC...

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In the Arms of an Angel by kirallie [Reviews - 6] Chapter or Story Table of Contents - Text Size + Dean bit his lip nervously once he was alone with Sam. He knew Castiel was right, Sam had the right to know what he had done but...how could he live if Sam hated him? He heard a distressed sound come from Sam and pulled him close without even thinking, wrapping his arms around his baby brother to offer comfort but to his surprise Sam fought him. “Sam?” Dean whispered as Sam struggled and then he heard what Sam was whispering. “Don’t deserve...monster......can’t want me............” Dean felt his heart break at the broken words, though he was confused since Sam seemed to be calling himself a monster, not Dean. “Shh Sammy, its okay kiddo, just calm down.” Dean soothed, pulling Sam around so his face was buried in the crook of Dean’s neck. “It’s gonna be okay.” “No, please don’t.” Sam sobbed. “Hey come on Sammy, talk to me kiddo. Can’t make it better if you don’t tell me what’s wrong. I promise I won’t leave you Sam, no matter what.” “But...we hunt monster so you have to hunt me.” Sam was well on the way to becoming hysterical as he half clung to Dean while trying to push his brother away at the same time. Dean froze as Harry appeared but relaxed at the concerned look on the other man’s face. He slowly approached with another vial in his hand. “Sam can you drink this for me please?” Harry asked quietly and panicked hazel turned to him. “It’ll help make things better Sam.” Harry looked to Dean who nodded. “Come on Sam, drink up.” Dean encouraged and Sam opened his mouth, letting Harry pour the liquid in and then Dean was rubbing his back, encouraging him to swallow. As soon as he did he relaxed in Dean’s arms, his breathing slowly becoming calmer. Dean looked at Harry who smiled. “Calming Draught, it’ll last a few hours. Give a shout if you need anything else, we’re upstairs.” With that Harry vanished again. Dean was content to just sit for a while, holding Sam as he continued relaxing. Finally Sam was completely relaxed in his arms, snuggling in as close as he could and Dean let him. “Feel better?” He whispered and Sam raised his head. Dean reached out and gently brushed the tears from Sam’s face and Sam hiccupped, making him chuckle. “That’s better, isn’t it?” he asked and Sam finally nodded. “Sorry.” Sam whispered and Dean shifted on the couch since his legs were going numb, Sam was too big to fit in his lap anymore but his baby brother had done a very good job of trying. “You’ve got nothing to be sorry for Sammy, everything’s happened so quickly...but it’s going to be okay.” Dean told him and Sam shook his head. “No it won’t.” He insisted and Dean sighed. “Sam.” “No. You can’t stay with me Dean, I’m a monster.” Sam told him and Dean had a feeling if it wasn’t for whatever Harry had given Sam his brother would be yelling. But thanks to the draught Sam seemed unnaturally calm and almost sleepy. “Why do you think that Sam?” Dean forced himself to ask. “Don’t think, know it. I...I’m a freak, a demon blood drinking freak.” Sam answered, mumbling and not looking at him and Dean froze. What? “Sam what?” “I drank Ruby’s blood, it tastes good and...and I want it, I need it!” Sam whispered and Dean closed his eyes, tightening his grip on Sam. His baby brother was an addict. “I’ve been using my powers and it helps. I broke my promise but...I was all alone and I couldn’t.” Sam stopped, hiding his face in Dean’s shirt and Dean could feel his tears soaking through. He didn’t know what to say or do, what could he say to that? Instead of trying he simply held Sam as he cried. “Are you going to hunt me?” Sam finally asked and Dean shook his head. “Never Sammy, I’ll never hunt you or let anyone do it.” Dean whispered, holding his brother close. “But Dad.” “Screw Dad! I sold my soul to protect you Sam. I could never kill you, never. If it’s what you want or need then that’s okay and if you want to stop then I’ll help you through it.” “Promise?” Sam whispered, barely audible and Dean nodded. “Promise.” He answered firmly and Sam sat back a bit, managing a hesitant smile which Dean returned. “I missed you so much kiddo, you were all I could hang on to down there.” Dean told him and Sam got off his lap but curled up next to him and Dean wrapped an arm around his shoulders. “Was it as bad as....” “Worse. Time’s different there, ten years for a month here.” Dean admitted and Sam gasped. “That means...nearly forty years.” “Sam I...I did things....I....I couldn’t take it, I tried so hard but I just couldn’t.” Dean whispered and now Sam was the one hugging him. “Dean?” “Thirty years I said no, let them tear me apart but I...I was tired Sam, so tired. I just wanted it to stop hurting.” Dean admitted and Sam’s eyes went wide, he had a feeling he knew what Dean had done and he tightened his grip, determined to be strong for Dean like he had when Sam had confessed. “Sammy I...I said yes. Alistair asked and I said yes. I got off the rack and I....I put others on it. And it didn’t hurt me but...they screamed so loud.” Dean whispered and Sam buried his head in Dean’s neck, making sure Dean couldn’t pull away. “You held out so long Dean, I couldn’t even go four months without breaking and doing what a demon wanted. You’re stronger than me, you always are. Help me Dean, please.” Sam begged and Dean sat up, wiping at his eyes. “Help you what Sam?” Dean asked and pleading hazel eyes met his. “Get it out of me. I don’t want to drink it anymore.” Sam whispered and Dean smiled brokenly. “I’ll help Sam, not gonna leave you alone.” ------------------------------ Castiel watched his lover pace restlessly. Since Harry had delivered the potion things had been calmer but that didn’t stop the younger immortal from worrying. The next time he passed Castiel reached out and grabbed his wrist, pulling him down into his lap. Harry blinked in surprise but then Castiel kissed him and Harry relaxed, returning the kiss happily. “Now that you’re calmer we should talk.” Castiel said and Harry pulled a face. “I could get upset again so you’ll have to calm me down?” Harry suggested and Castiel rolled his eyes. “Oh fine. Sam was trying to tell Dean what he’s been up to so hopefully Dean will too. But was I really seeing...” “They are soul mates.” Castiel confirmed and Harry swore in every language he knew, which was quite a few. “What imbecile made soul mates brothers? They’ve probably been so confused! No wonder Sam left his family, he probably didn’t want to freak them out! And then...is Sam, is he really...I mean the poor kid...” “Sam is Lucifer’s Vessel and Dean is marked too.” Castiel answered to stop Harry babbling. “You don’t think...Michael? No way he’d go along with it, right? But someone is seriously getting my foot up their arse for this.” Harry growled, a few bits of furniture trembling in response. Castiel rubbed his back and Harry slowly calmed. “We have to help them, if the Seals break........it’d kill Dean for Sam to be Lucifer’s vessel, especially if he is Michael’s since Michael will be expected to kill Lucifer. This is more messed up than the war!” “They have us Harry and Michael will not go for that either, he is the one who let us know what was happening after all. We will have to discuss things as a group and make an appropriate plan but there isn’t much that can be done until Sam goes through detox.” Castiel told him calmly and Harry slowly relaxed. “I’ll set the basement up for it. What do you think I’ll need?” “Somewhere for him to lie comfortably, he’ll become delusional at some point. We may even need to restrain him. His powers will also need to be blocked to keep him from hurting himself or Dean.” “Right, I’ll go do that then.” Harry vanished and Castiel smiled before picking up a piece of paper and starting a coded note for Michael. ------------------------------------- Sam and Dean were still pretty much wrapped around each other when Harry and Castiel rejoined them but neither man said anything so the brothers stayed as they were. “So...”Harry started but then trailed off. “We know what, yeah.” Sam answered and Harry nodded. “Sam, about the blood drinking.” “I want to stop.” Sam cut in adamantly and Harry smiled at him. “That’s good to hear but it’s not going to be easy. You’re addicted to it and coming off that...it’ll be harder than any drug habit to break. It could also be dangerous.” Harry explained. “The basement has been prepared for your use. Wards are in place to keep your powers in check but they may not be fully successful. You will be in there for several days at least and most likely will become ill.” Castiel continued and Sam paled, curling closer to Dean. “I’m staying with him.” Dean stated and Harry sighed. “You realise it could be dangerous? And if Sam becomes delusional he may not even know it’s you, he could lash out.” Harry warned but Dean just held Sam tightly. “You won’t stop me, I won’t let him go through it alone.” Dean insisted. “Dean, I don’t want to hurt you.” Sam whispered. “You won’t.” Dean assured him. “Sam when was the last time you had any blood?” Harry asked, watching him closely. “About....two days before Castiel came...it hurts but it’s not too bad.” Sam admitted. “Your hands are shaking.” Dean said and sure enough Sam’s hands were trembling. “How about you have a shower, dress in warm, comfortable clothes, T-shirt and sweatpants would probably be best, and then we’ll start.” Harry said and Sam nodded, getting up slowly. Dean got up as well and steadied him when he swayed. “Come on Sammy, let’s get you cleaned up.” Dean wrapped an arm around Sam’s waist and they headed upstairs. --------------------------- Sam hesitated in the doorway when he saw the room but Dean’s presence helped him take the final step. Harry followed them in and turned the lights on. The room was empty except for a queen sized bed and a curtained off area that seemed to hold a toilet. What scared him where the shackles attached to the wall around the bed. He knew they’d be necessary but the thought of being chained down... He shivered and Dean hugged him. It was...weird but a good weird to have Dean so openly affectionate. He needed it though and he had a feeling Dean knew that. “Food will appear three times a day, just oatmeal and broths from Sam but you’ll get something more substantial Dean. Toilets over there, Sam’s shackles will magically lengthen when he needs to use it. There’s cloths and water to help keep him cool if he develops a fever. And you can call for either of us if we’re needed.” Harry explained as Sam nervously sat down on the bed. Harry carefully attached the wrist cuff and then Sam lay down and he attached the ankle ones. “They’re charmed so he can’t hurt himself on them.” Harry said at Dean’s look at the hard metal. “They’ll even stay warm so he doesn’t get cold due to the metal. Well...guess that’s everything. Yell if you need everything or when it’s over. Good luck.” With that Harry left and locked the door behind him. Dean got on the bed and lay beside Sam who was beginning to tremble more. “It’s gonna be okay Sammy, I got you.” He whispered and Sam managed a shaky smile for him. TBC... Previous Next You must login (register) to review.

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