The angst comes from what Lavelle lets them know. This does have SPOILERS for the end of the comic's arc as I have heard it happens. Which is not a happy ending. So Lavelle is going to Xander it.
Note: Spoilers for last comic arc as I've seen them in other stories. Happens between GHS Empire 19 & 20.
The man stood up and stretched, looking around. "For some reason this seems familiar," he said. He walked out to the kitchen, staring around. "Yup, ferrets, hair things spread around, big kitchen. Arsene's got to be freaking out." He found his imp summoning stone and used it to get one, writing out a note. "To my home realm."
"You...." The man who used to be known as Xander stared at him. "Yes, Prince."
"Thank you. The one from here is there. You can deliver that to him if you want." The imp disappeared and Xander made himself breakfast. At least until someone came in. Clearly familiar with the family. "Wow, in my world you're a comic book," he said quietly.
Jensen stopped, staring at him. "Huh? You're not Xander."
"I am Xander. I'm not *your* Xander," he corrected. "Breakfast?"
"I was going to take Xander shopping," he said weakly.
Lavelle nodded. "Cool. He should be back in a few hours."
"We're a cartoon to you?"
"No, you're a graphic novel," he said with a smirk. "I'm hoping you guys end up better, but I'm guessing that the me here being in your life would screw up that fate."
"That bad?" Jensen asked.
"Yes. If you don't want to be one of the last two left." Jensen shook his head, shuddering. He texted others. "Am I making scrambled eggs? I know the one here can cook but I am barely passable."
"Um, no, I can make bagels," he said, starting one toasting. "So... what do you do?"
He smiled. "I'm a shadow knight."
"He told us about how you helped him plan out a backup spot." That Xander smirked and nodded. "It's a good job."
"I have a few set up around our world." He cracked the eggs and started to scramble them.
Horatio and Clay walked in, Wade behind them. "Who're you?" Wade demanded.
Xander looked at him. "Lavelle." He smirked at him. "Yours is probably bouncing around Lupin and Jigen. They've seen him before so they'll just sigh and possibly talk him into dancing for them again." He went back to making eggs. "Am I cooking for anyone else?"
"No, thank you," Horatio said. He looked at Jensen. "Are Lupin and Jigen here?"
"They're an anime here," Jensen said.
Wade snapped. "That master thief, his gunman, and his samurai." Xander had made him watch it.
Xander nodded. "Yes and I was Jigen and Goemon's student. I'm quite good." He finished up and split some onto Jensen's bagel. "Have you met the bitch?" he asked him.
"Have you dealt with Max?"
"The you here had him ripped apart," Wade said.
Lavelle laughed. "Go me." He looked at the obvious cop. He knew who he was and he hated him in his world. "Spit it out, Lieutenant. We know you're an officer."
"How did someone like Xander hook up with someone like that?"
"Betrayal. I ran into Jigen and saved him. Of course, I was out of my mind after torture, so we took care of each other." He smirked. "We've been together for years. Even have kids." He pulled out his wallet to show him. "That's Lupin the Fourth, Arsene's heir. That's my daughter Melissa, that's Goemon's son Ishi and his daughter Lotus. They're a crew of their own. Then we have Fred, Sarah, who lives with the kitsune as an ambassador, and the others." Wade stared at them then at him. Xander smirked. "Yes, giving birth hurt like hell."
"I bet. How...."
Xander tapped his throat. The choker he wore faded into view. "Does all sorts of neat things."
Horatio cleared his throat. "Is that available here?"
"Yes. The Council has it." He smirked. "It's in the dangerous thing vault." He dug into his eggs. "I can do his shopping for him as long as it's not food shopping. I haven't really had to cook for years. I own a few nice restaurants though." He smirked. "Should I make you two anything?"
"No, we're good," Wade said. "I know someone who wanted to know what Xander would be like if he went dark."
Lavelle smirked. "I'm a shadow knight. I take out the stupid, the idiots, and the problems in the dark." He ate another bite. "But we can do that. I'm not used to playing with pets outside of the kids and they're all grown up." He sighed. "Which sucks. My youngest is a teenager now. Though he's been trying to pick up hookers for three years." He ate another bite. "Since I recognize you from the graphic novel I recognize him from, why are you with the alternate me?"
"Someone brought me back to life," Wade said with a small shrug. "He's a decent boss and I help him with things."
"Cool." He looked at Jensen. "Yes, she'll get him eventually."
"We've been waiting on it."
"She was going to get you guys into a situation where Cougar was going to be sitting on a nuclear bomb in the middle east," he said more quietly. "On purpose." Jensen shuddered. "Watch that bitch."
"We do," he promised. "We all know she's a backstabbing bitch." Xander grinned and finished up, putting the plates into the dishwasher. He didn't even blink at the glass dildos in there. "Have you been here before?" Jensen asked. "I know he said he met you at the Crossroad's Bar."
"Yeah. Kinda. Different version of him, still GHS." He looked at Wade then Jensen then back to Wade. "Are they coming?"
"I don't mind if they do. We can take the Range Rover."
"I can drive," Jensen said.
"Fat damn chance," Wade noted. They left together. Wade was watching this one. He was clearly trained to fight. Clearly trained to shoot by the calluses on his hands. He was also a bit creepy. Something was making the hairs on his neck stand up.
Lavelle reached over to tease the back of his neck with a smile. "Wesley gifted me to a higher demon for help with something. I have marks that would kill most beings that had been dead or who are demons."
"Please don't go near Anya?"
"She's here? Cool." He let him go. "So, where are we going?"
"A few of his poker buddies."
"Sometimes those are the best sort of contacts to have. That's how I accidentally created a huge syndicate that reaches into every single city." Wade moaned, shifting some. Xander smiled. "It's very pretty. That's why we retired to my island with the working boys and girls for the spouses so they don't wander. It's been very relaxing."
"I'm sure it was. That's not a bad idea," Wade decided. He drove them to the poker spot, letting them walk inside. "Guys, ours is switched." That got a few moans. Lavelle pulled back his shoulder-length white hair. "This is Lavelle. The Xander from that world."
Lavelle smirked and waved. "Boys. Ladies."
"You're not normal."
"Hell no, but Lupin and Goemon enjoy me this way, no matter how much Jigen may groan." He sat down. "So who wanted to know what I'd be if I was...darker?"
One swallowed. "Where did Lavelle come from?"
He chuckled. "Ask the me from here." He winked. "It's not a bad story but it's not one he probably wants to share." That one shivered. "Yeah, I'm not the nice Xander. A good Xander sometimes, when I need to be, but not usually nice."
"What do you do? Are you like ours and have the hormones?"
"No. I'm a gunman and master thief, plus I accidentally created a syndicate that's far reaching and fairly powerful."
"Your voice is deeper," another one said, coming over to sit next to him. "Why?"
"A lot of screaming over ten months of torture thanks to someone gifting me. It's definitely created a lot of differences between us. Including that the Lieutenant in my world tried to talk to one of my children without me being present." Horatio gave him a dirty look. "I nearly killed him for that."
"I was probably seeing if they knew what was going on," Horatio said.
"Hmm. Slightly. Still nearly got you dead. Especially since my kids were holding a wonderful theft contest at the time. They nearly managed to get a whale out of Seaworld. If we hadn't stopped them, they would have managed it. I was so proud of my pre-teens. They had found blackmail material. Had arranged for transport, good transport, and had set up the pool at home to hold it before we stopped their plans." He smiled. The group moaned. Xander nodded. "Seriously." He winked at the man walking in. "I put stuff in the dishwasher."
"I saw. Thanks." He sat down. "Your boys are seriously worried."
"Not my choice."
"It was mine to keep you from doing things that might wreck plans to keep the world going," Strife called.
Everyone looked around. "Who was that?" Their Xander pointed at a tattoo. They all groaned.
"The lady of the ceiling," Lavelle teased with a smirk. Xander smirked back. "Did the backup plan work?"
"It worked really well until someone told them where it was and a cult from Pensacola broke in to kill us for being gay."
"Hmm." He made some notes, handing it to him. "For you, dear. You could use it."
"I have plenty of things."
"The house in Mexico... It was mostly already set up." He winked again. "You're so sweet."
The others laughed. "He's evil, he bankrupts us all the time," one said. "Then he goes and he does stuff to make people want to be gay!"
"Everyone should try gay sex at least once," Lavelle said. "The same with every other kink. That way you know what you like."
"I found my comfort line and keep on the positive side of it," Xander quipped, waving a hand with a grin. "There's a wonderful list."
"I'm sure there is." He leaned over to whisper in his ear, getting a moan. "You need to make sure and keep them from it." Xander hissed back.
"Should I worry that you two are conspiring?" Horatio asked. His Xander grinned and shook his head.
"Should I?" Wade asked.
"Maybe," Xander said coyly. They went back to making plans then Lavelle winked at him. Xander got a DPP officer down to help him get closer to home. Xander looked at the group once he was gone. "He takes out the bad things."
"Clearly," one said, staring at him. "Where did Lavelle come from?"
"I was named after my grandmother's boyfriend's lover. It's my middle name. I never use the stupid thing. I really don't like it."
"You got named after your grandfather's gay lover?"
"She didn't marry him. They were very happy together for her pleasure." They all moaned. He grinned. "That's where I get my kinky side and the bed from." Horatio cleared his throat. "He wants me to diversify for later plans. Told me where a few of his favorite ones were." He made notes and handed them to Wade. "See what's available?"
"I can do that." He looked the list over. Then at him. "That's diverse."
"For later plans."
"We'll see what's open and then you can make plans." Xander nodded with a grin. "How close did he get?"
"Hmm, about a quarter of the way but he'll be near another of us." He stood up. "Let me go calm people down, guys." He waved and walked out with Wade. "So, how did you like me?"
"He was a bit scary," he admitted. "He acted like most of the really good hitters I've met over the years." Horatio made an unhappy noise. "Aren't you glad he went on that road trip?" Horatio nodded, sliding into his sunglasses. Xander stared then took them and put them on.
"I had forgotten I had yours," Horatio admitted, putting on his. He smiled. "I like this you better. He seemed more...hurt." He laid a hand on Xander's cheek. "I'd hate to see you be that damaged," he said quietly.
"Me too." He winked and they left together. Jensen was at home, staring at a set of two graphic novels. Xander leaned over his shoulder. "He left me some ideas too," he said in his ear, getting a cheek nuzzle. "How bad?"
"Really fucking horrible," he said weakly. He turned to hug him. "I need to thank Dean and Sam for getting kidnaped by that guy." He looked around.
"Call Clay over," Xander said quietly. "I would never let you guys be that injured."
"Cougar. ..." He let out a bitter, hysterical laugh. "I'm freaked out."
"Me too. We'll be freaked out together." Jensen showed him. Xander read and went pale. "That's a really good reason. Wade, can I have Clay? Maybe?"
"Yeah, I already texted him, kid." He looked and shuddered. "That's bad."
"That's worse than bad!" Jensen shouted.
"Calm down," Xander reminded him, giving him a hug. "It will not happen here."
"Just the thought that there's a me somewhere that went through that!"
"I know. If I could change it for them, I would." Jensen nodded. Clay stomped in. "We had a visit by another me, who is a comic geek. He collects thousands of graphic novels and comics a year. Including the one where you guys are a comic in his world," he said when Clay opened his mouth.
Clay looked at Jensen; he was clearly freaked out. Wade didn't look happy. He took it. "Is that the first or second?"
"Second. I jumped to the end. Damn it, it can't happen!"
"No, it can't," Xander reminded him. "We'd destroy them first."
Jensen relaxed and nodded. Clay read the first chapter, nodding that it looked familiar. "We need to thank Dean and Sam for being kidnaped. We really do. Then I need to cut Aisha's throat. Now."
Clay looked at him. "We can work against her," he said.
"Clay, are you feeling all right?" Xander asked. Clay gave him an odd look. "You're jaundiced." He held Clay's hand against his. "You seriously are. You're nearly sepia colored."
"I'll see someone in a few," he said, going over it again. "Jesus, it's bad," he muttered. He kept going. It got worse and worse and worse. He switched to the second book and things were still getting worse. They were badass, closing problems, shutting down Max. He came to the last story and swallowed. "I'd kill her," Clay said. Jensen took a deep breath so he went on. He stiffened, then nodded. "There's no way in hell, Jensen. It can't happen here. We've already defeated Max. I will not ever see Cougar in the center of a nuclear bomb."
Jensen sighed, nodding. "We can change it?"
"We already have. Xander's not in here anywhere." Jensen relaxed and nodded. "It's not like you to freak."
"He met the alternate me today," Xander said. "That me is a very good gunman and thief. He accidentally built a syndicate that basically influenced everything in the world. He's a comic geek. He cos plays at conventions." Jensen grinned at that. "He has a library of comics. Learned Japanese to do his anime collection of *millions*. He actually was the star of his own anime there."
"You're not normal in any world, are you?" Clay asked.
"Why be normal? We got told we were for so long we had to prove we're not." He smirked. He noticed Clay was sweating and called someone. "Come see me right now please." He hung up. "Clay, you're sweating on them." Clay looked, seeing his hands shaking. Jensen took the comics. Adam stomped in and paused, then groaned and came over to check on him. "Poison?"
"Clearly," Adam agreed. Clay moaned. He checked what he could. "He needs the hospital, Xander."
"Okay," he said, calling dispatch. "Hi, this is Mr. Harris. One of the members of the retrieval team is on my couch. We can tell he's been poisoned. Please." He hung up. "Check Jensen?" Adam moved to do that, nodding. "Huh. So, Henrietta or Aisha?" he asked Wade.
"Aisha. Henrietta has no skills toward poisons." He went to let in the paramedics. "We have two members of the team poisoned."
Adam looked up. "I did a lot of medic training," he said at their odd looks. "For field injuries."
The paramedic looked at Clay. "It's clear something's not right," he agreed. He came over to check him out. Jensen got an exam from the other one.
"They go wherever is best," Xander ordered. "They have insurance and I'll bankrupt everyone in town if I have to." He looked. "Wade, Pooch and the baby?"
"Calling," he said, walking off calling him. "Pooch, Wade. We just found out Clay and Jensen were poisoned. No, I'm not joking. We have paramedics here. Guys, there's another five or six who need to be tested. Where are they going?"
"University," one said.
"The paramedics said University. Make sure you get Aisha and Henrietta there. Just in case. We'll figure that out while you're all being tested. Because you have a baby and she's pregnant, dumbass." He hung up. "He tried to argue with me."
Xander smiled. "He tries when I want to drive too." Clay laughed. "They go or I'm stealing the baby and Jolene, letting them follow us. Guys, please?" They nodded, taking them to the hospital. Jensen was scowling. "I'll make sure someone else sees those later, Jensen. All you have to do is be okay."
Jensen sighed. "I'll be fine, Xander. Quit worrying."
"Shut up, asshole. I'm allowed to worry about my friends. You're one of the first ones I've let that deep in years. So don't fuss at me."
"I won't," he sighed. He patted him on the hand. "Make sure Pooch doesn't fuss."
"I will." They got loaded and taken off. Xander looked at Wade. Wade was looking at the cameras he had up there. "Fine." Xander closed up the house and took Wade with him. "What's keeping Jensen's healing from working?"
"The same herbs that they got in Bolivia last time?" Wade guessed.
"Maybe." He drove the Range Rover over, parking and getting inside the building. He heard Jolene talking to the baby and went to knock. "They just took Clay and Jensen to the hospital for poisoning. Clay was yellow, just like he is."
"What?" she demanded. Xander nodded. "Why didn't Jensen's healing stuff work?"
"Not sure yet. Maybe the same stuff that kept it from working last time."
"Damn it!" she shouted.
He held up the keys. "Get Henrietta, Cougar, and your man and baby there. Now. University."
"I'm going." She walked off. "Linwood, get your ass down here now!" she shouted. "Henrietta, you too!" They came out. "Cougar, Clay and Jensen were poisoned." He nodded, helping her with the fussy baby. Henrietta too. Aisha wasn't there. "Linwood!"
"I'll knock his ass out and drag him," Wade promised.
"Don't hurt him too much," she ordered. He smirked. "Thank you, boys. Cougar, drive." He nodded, taking the keys while they got into the back.
Xander looked at him. "Be nice playing with Pooch."
"If I must."
"Yeah, you must. Unless you want to be named alternate daddy to baby Pooch 2?"
"Hell no." He walked off to find him. Xander went to find Aisha. He did text Roque to make sure he wasn't being poisoned. Xander found Aisha at one of the bars playing pool. She conveniently had her hair pulled back in a ponytail. She screamed when he grabbed it to pull her off. "C'mon, let's go see Clay and the others who've been poisoned, Aisha."
"Let me go, Xander!" She kicked at him. He punched her and knocked her out.
"No, I don't think so." He hefted her up and carried her. "We think she poisoned her boyfriend," he announced. "We're going to that ER to make sure. Especially since it looked like his godson got it too." He took her out to the waiting cab and got them both inside. The driver gave him an odd look. "She argued." He nodded, driving them off. "University's ER."
"I remember, sir." He looked at the money he had paid up front. It was a nice tip. An extra thirty bucks. He watched as she started to come around and he neck pinched her. "You could tell the cops."
"I will if she did it. If not, she might be poisoned like they were."
The driver nodded. "That's reasonable." They pulled up and he grimaced. "What sort of car is that?"
"My stretch Range Rover." He grinned, getting out and taking her. He hauled her inside. "Cougar." He took Aisha and walked back with her. "Pooch?"
"Here," Cougar assured him. "Wade was mean."
Xander looked at Wade. "Feel better?"
"Much. It was an unsettling morning."
Xander punched him on the arm. "Behave." He smirked. "If possible. It'll make her squeal that you managed it."
"Maybe." They waited. Horatio showed up. "Poisoned," Wade told him.
"I heard. Do we have notes yet?" Xander shook his head. "Which room?"
"This side," Xander said with a point. Horatio got admitted and went to check. The beauty of the badge. He winced when Jolene started to vent. "Shit," Xander muttered. "She's going to rip someone's head off."
"I hope it's Aisha's," Wade said.
"If she did it, yeah, me too. I'll lend her a few knives."
Wade snickered. "That might be pretty." Xander nodded. They settled in to wait when Ryan walked in. "Horatio's back there," Wade noted.
Ryan nodded. "He called. Good call to call dispatch, Xander." Xander grinned. "911 is backed up."
"I know. I saw the wrecks." He looked at Wade. "Go park it before I get towed?"
"Sure." He went to do that. He had to hotwire it but that was fine this time.
Xander walked into Jolene's room with a tub of soup later that night. "Commercial but good."
"Thank you, Xander."
"I'm just glad he's not terminal, Jolene. And that you're fine too." She nodded, sniffing the soup and putting it aside. "You have to eat to keep up your strength."
"I know. I will soon."
"I'll watch him. You go shower and eat." He sat down. "You need twenty to check on Pooch." She nodded, taking the soup to do that. He was in a room next door. Clay and Jensen were across the hall. Cougar didn't have any. Henrietta was in very bad shape and in the ICU because she had a reaction to one of the medicines they gave her. Xander smiled at the baby. "It's all right, Junior. We'll make sure you're okay. You're a good boy and we love you." He petted over his head. "You rest, little man." The nurse leaned in. "She's with her husband and I brought her dinner."
"That's fine. Which one are you, sir?"
"The lieutenant put you on the visiting list." She came in to check and then left them alone.
Xander settled in to watch over the baby. He could hear Jolene crying on Pooch but that was a wife thing to do. Cougar walked up the hall to hold her. When she came back, Xander got up and hugged her. "If she gets bail, I'm going to make sure he can kill her first," he promised quietly.
"Thank you, Xander." She gave him a squeeze. Then she sat down. Cougar put the soup next to her with a pointed look. "I know. Did he sleep through it?" She wiped off her cheek.
"Yeah, hasn't woken yet," he said. "The nurse did a vitals check."
"That's a good thing." Xander handed her the soup. "I'm not...."
"He can't have you passing out. Either of your boys," Xander said, looking at her. "Please?" She nodded, drinking the hearty soup. Xander stroked over her hair. "Do we need anything?"
"Not yet. If I do, I'll call."
"Okay." He gave her another squeeze. "I'll be back in the morning to give you another shower and walking off time." She nodded, giving him a weak smile. "He's strong. Like his daddy is. Pooch survived a lot of stuff in the jungle and desert."
"He survived Jensen driving," Cougar offered, making her laugh and nod. He looked at Xander and nodded. Xander nodded, leaving him alone. He'd send dinner over later. Wade was waiting to take him home. Xander went to plan some things and help where he could. He did remember to tell Collin so he could make plans. Then Xander sat down and held his head. He knew they'd be all right but he hated it when people were sick. Especially ones he liked.
Lavelle looked around the room he was in. "Interesting."
"Xander," a woman said, walking toward him. "What are you doing here? I thought you were at the park writing."
"I'm not your Xander, ma'am." She paused, staring at him. He smirked. "Your Xander is probably driving my husbands nuts."
"Okay, this is really strange and clearly a game." She looked him over. He had weapons. Multiple weapons hidden. He was standing wrong. His hands had the wrong sort of calluses. His hair was white. "You're not our Xander."
"No, I'm not." He smirked at the men walking up behind her. "Yours will be back soon I'm sure."
"Xander," one said. "What happened to your hair? It's not Halloween."
He looked at a lock of white hair then at him. "Months of torture in hell actually." They all gaped. He smirked. "Yours will be back soon. Do I live here?" They nodded so he let them in after picking the locks. He ran into a woman. "Hmm, ma'am."
She stared, feeling the energy off him. "Wh...who are you?"
"Lavelle." He smiled. "I won't hurt you. I got displaced. Your Xander is probably bothering my husbands." She whimpered. "I'm sure he'll be back soon. Calm down. I'm not going to be mean to you unless you attack."
"I know better. You read like a Prince," she said quietly, looking down.
"Yeah, I got given to one against my will. I did eventually kill him." She swallowed. "It's all right, just calm down. Hopefully I can get home soon." She nodded, giving him a horrified look. "Can you help with that?"
"I hope so." She looked at the detective and writer. "Problems, Detective?"
"Xander said that he found evidence in a homicide," Beckett said.
"That's on his laptop but he changed the passwords." Lavelle held out a hand. "I shouldn't."
He stared. "I can mildly hack, dear." She handed it over, letting him do that under their watch. "There you go, Detectives." He saw the confused cat, letting it sniff him. "Mine likes to sit on Jigen's hat," he said quietly. "I'm not mean to kitties. You're not bad guys." One of them was choking. Lavelle smirked at him. "Hi."
"You're not in the anime," he said.
"No, I'm told I wasn't. I'm his student and he's a very bad husband."
"Which one do you follow?" that guy asked.
"All three. Technically I'm a gunman who took a lot of training from Goemon."
"Oh, damn," he said weakly. Xander smirked. "That's bad."
"No, I'm actually still pretty decent even though we've retired slightly." The other Xander appeared in a flash of light. "You need a virus checker. You have a pretty pernicious one that my daughter in our world created."
That Xander stared at him. "I heard about you from the DCIS Xander."
"Cool. Though I was pregnant then."
"How?" Beckett demanded. He touched his choker. "That does that?"
"That can change gender."
"It's a very powerful chaos artifact," Tara said quietly.
"Reparations," Lavelle said with a grin. He looked at his other self. "How were they?"
"Lotus was freaking out, which was making her brother freak out."
"I know. They love me. I'm the favorite mommy of the group." He stood up. "Let me try to get closer to home." Tara went to look something up then came out to help him. "Thank you, White One." He disappeared.
That Xander sighed, sitting down in his chair. "I heard he was very powerful and very strong willed."
"He was a bit scary too," Tara told him.
Xander nodded. "He's taking out the worst of the dark," he told them. "Relax, guys. Did he get that information?" He looked and found the other file, printing it for them. "There." He grinned. "Go have Lupin chocolate." Castle snickered. "It might help them since they're in shock."
"It could, yes," Rick agreed, smiling and walking the detectives off so they could go to the office and relax again. An alternate Xander wasn't *that* weird considering what Xander did now and then.
Xander looked at Tara. "I wonder if he visited any other of us." She shrugged. He grinned. "Did the scary me scare you?" She nodded, swatting him for picking on her. She went to check on the cats while he checked his computer and found that virus.
::Evil Cackle:: the end.
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