Childhood Roulette - The Crawling Terror of Doom by voracity

[Reviews - 39]
Printer

Chapter or Story
Table of Contents
- Text Size +

Author's Chapter Notes:

Our wonderful webmistress requested some wee!xander for her b-day.

Xander and Steve were walking from getting everyone some treats for breakfast to the warehouse. They were near a beach. Xander blinked at the water. "'Nade," he said.

"What?" Steve asked. He looked where the baby was staring. "What is that?"

"Need 'nade," Xander said insistently.

"We need something bigger than a grenade, kid."

"No! Need 'nade and salt!" He looked up. "'Nade please and salt 'nade?" The two fell at his feet. "Fanks!" He waved and grinned then poked Steve. "Tossy?"

Steve took the grenades before the baby played with them. Xander loved weapons. He had already stolen Chin's gun to play with, that's why they had been out for snacks. He tossed the regular one, which made the kraken scream. Then the salt one. That one hit closer to center and the thing started to shrivel and swam off. "Okay, so we need two grenades and then a salt one. Who makes salt grenades?" he asked Xander.

"Pooper. Huge Pooper." He pointed at one of them. "Them."

Steve looked, getting a worried looking demon. He grinned. "I'm one of Xander's uncles."

"That figures with what you get into. He's a lot like you." He backed off. "We'll make you some more, Xander."

"Cool!" He beamed and did a happy dance.

The demon smiled as he ran off. They all wanted to keep Xander happy.

Xander looked up at Steve. "Sugar?"

"Later." He brought him back to the warehouse before anyone wondered about what had happened. He handed Danny the box. "The SF chocolate one is his."

"Sure," he agreed, getting that hint. Sugar free worked well for kids. He handed it to the baby and gave the rest of them their treats. "He's got a good range for fighting Godzilla."

Xander snorted, shaking his head. "Mayor."

"I figured it was. Eat and relax, little guy." Xander settled in to pet his steppuppy when it appeared and nibble. His steppuppy had a head he was nibbling on so it didn't need a treat.

Kono looked over, pausing. "What is that he's cuddling?"

Steve looked then at her. "He said it's his steppuppy and it was ripping the head off drug dealers in Texas while they were there."

"Okay, that explains why it's slobbering on a head." She shook her head and went back to work. She was never having children. Ever.

Steve's phone rang so he looked at the unknown number. "McGarrett," he replied. He blinked a few times. "I did not see him having one, Dru. What did he see this time?" He wrote it down on some paper Chin had. "That's good to know. Thank you." He hung up. "We need to see what she looks like in case she shows up to talk to him in person."

"Pretty vampy," Xander called. "Velvet cushiness."

"How old?" Steve asked.

"Ancient. Viccy." He grinned.

"Victorian?" Danny guessed. Xander beamed and nodded. "Okay, we'll look for the Victorian female vampire. Blonde or brown?" Xander pointed at his hair. "Okay, we can do that." Chin was giving him an odd look. "He'd know. She wants to make him her kitten. She called me at one this morning to talk to me about her poor little dark kitten and how he'd make a great one some year for her. Which would keep him away from the mean and nasty higher demon as she told me."

"Stabby boom/splat," Xander said with a nod. He got up and walked over, patting a case with a grin. "Boom splat."

They all grinned and marked that case specially for him. Anything that took out a higher demon to save the kid they'd keep handy.

Someone in the Governor's office stomped in. "Lieutenant Commander, are you confiscating this interesting pile of what is clearly artillery boxes?"

"No, we're inventorying it for the owner," he said.

"Why is the owner not under arrest?" Steve pointed at the baby, who smiled and waved. "Then you are confiscating it?"

"No, he said he wants it back when he's older," Danny quipped. Xander nodded. "Not all of it's weapons."

"Needs tentacles," Xander said.

Steve looked at him. "That's an evil thought and you'll be grounded later."

Xander pouted. "Meany."

"Yes I am."

The governor's assistant growled. "What is going on? First grenades being thrown at some creature in the water, by you according to eye-witness reports, and now you're sitting on an artillery pile?"

"He said we can borrow it. Means I don't have to do paperwork to get something we might need," Steve said. He grinned. "Wouldn't that make us all happier?"

"No!" he shouted.

Xander whistled. "Shut the fuck up!"

"Excuse your mouth?" Danny demanded, hands going to his hips as he stared at the baby. "You are much too young to use that language, young man. You know better. You will not say that around us, and especially not my ex-wife and daughter. Am I clear?" Xander pouted but nodded, looking down. "You may not have had much structure before but you're damn sure getting rules and fences now. And there will be punishments if you step out of line. Including no playing all day long." Xander whined. "Tough shit! You do not use words like that. Not that shut up was a better version but still! No swearing!"

"Yes, Danny," he said quietly, looking at his toes.

"Thank you! Now, go sit and stare at the wall for ten minutes." He pointed. Xander sniffled. "Won't work. My daughter does pitiful better because she's a girl. Now." He pointed. Xander huffed but did it. "Thank you. Chin, time it?"

"Got it," he said, setting his watch to beep in ten minutes.

Steve blinked. "Thanks."

"Welcome."

"What do you think you're doing?" the assistant demanded.

"Hey, steppuppy?" Steve called. It appeared with a head in its mouth. It had run off when the idiot had stomped in. "Did you get another one? Good job."

"If you bite 'im, I'll give you the file on a bad guy you can eat all you want," Danny offered. "He's a drug and people smuggler. He's hurt kids. He's killed whole families after having his people attack them." The dog gave him a disgusted look. "Chin, got the file on Wo Fat?"

"I can remotely pull it up." He did that. It was probably a mean thing but Wo Fat deserved it.

Danny took it over to show the dog. "Him. Him and his people are evil and we can't catch 'em yet. You want them, you can have all of them you want, puppy." The dog growled a happy sound and lapped him before disappearing again. Danny picked up the head to look at. "Looks like one of the Lao kids." Steve nodded he was right.

"What about justice?" the assistant sneered.

"He'll get justice one way or another. And if enough of his lower people get eaten first, then it'll be easier to arrest 'im," Danny quipped with an evil smirk. "Pays him back nicely for trying to set some of us up." The assistant stomped out. Xander was muttering. "You, no calling someone to eat him."

"I wasn't. Favorite sitter." He grinned back then face the wall again.

"No succuba or incubus on the islands," Steve ordered. "We don't want normals to be eaten, Xander."

"Won't."

"Thank you."

Kono looked over. "Who did you ask to talk to him?"

"Favorite sitter." He leered. "Need stuff."

"What did you need?" Danny asked calmly. Xander pointed. "Potty time or diaper? I'm not sure which one you have."

"Diaper," he said with a grimace. "Yucky. Soon no diaper?"

"Soon no diaper," he agreed, picking him up to change him. Steve had gathered a diaper bag at least. When he came back out, Xander got put back against the wall. "No, four more minutes," Danny warned when Xander pouted.

"Mean," he hissed.

"Every day. That's part of being a dad when the kid misbehaves." He walked off. "So, this tentacle gun?"

"It self-reloads," Steve said, finding it to hand over. "Don't use the car."

Danny aimed at a box of empty crates they had already dealt with. Sure enough, they exploded and the tentacles searched for anything metal. He moved the gun, letting it find the metal strips that had been part of the crates. It read as half-full. He moved it near to some more metal and it quickly finished its self-reload. "Huh."

"Is that all you can say to that freaky thing?" Kono demanded.

"Yup, because what I wanna say I can't in front of you or the kid. You're both too young." Xander cackled. "You, hush. Still in time-out." Xander turned back around to go back to it. Just as he was starting to fidget, Chin's watch alarm went off. The boy crowed as he got up to bounce around.

"You're learning yoga and martial arts," Steve told him.

Xander hugged his leg. "Thank you."

Steve smiled. "Welcome. No playing with my gun." He took it back and put it back into his leg holster. Xander just grinned and went to look in some boxes they hadn't gotten to yet. "Only with an adult." Danny moved over to help him.

"Where did *that* come from?" Danny demanded. "It's solid fucking gold."

"Bad word," Xander said in a sing-song chirp.

"Yeah, but I'm over eighteen. I can say fuck all I want." He stared at him, holding up the non-weapon. He hoped it wasn't a weapon anyway. "Where did it come from?"

"Anya. Her legos."

Danny shook his head, walking it over to hand to Steve. With the baby so he couldn't dig into the rest of the crate without him.

Steve didn't touch it. "It is gold."

"By weight it's nearly solid gold."

"Clean," Xander said. "She takes good care of."

"Still not my thing," Steve said. He pulled out an evidence envelope and let Danny put it in there. "How many more were there?"

"Not sure yet." He handed Kono the baby. "Let me check without his help."

"She was mine," Xander complained.

"Yay!" He waved a hand. "Not now or else we get to arrest her because of your age."

"Shoot." He put his head down on Kono's shoulder. She looked at him. "Cuddle the boy?"

She smirked. "If you were sweet and innocent maybe. You're not though."

He shrugged. "Happens when you hunt." He yawned. She patted him on the back, letting him fall asleep on his snuggly spot.

She heard him mutter that she was snuggly and looked at Steve, who carefully took him to let him nap on his shoulder instead. Kono was a bit freaked out by the kid, he understood that. He was too. The only one that wasn't was Danny. Danny came back with a locking toolbox and a large black laquer box that looked like it had unfolding shelves, like a makeup kit. He opened them then went back to get the rest. "Yeah, I'm too young," Kono decided. "I can't identify some of those things."

Steve looked. "I can. No comment on how."

Danny snorted, shaking his head. "I can identify all but one thing." He brought it over and put it on top. "I don't think it's based on any animal." He walked off to get the rest of them.

"We can drop the non-expensive ones off at a sex club," Chin decided.

"Sell them for the PD's funds," Kono agreed.

Steve looked at her. "Who buys sex toys at auction?"

"One's gold!"

"So?"

"Children," Danny complained. "Stop it. Because I just found the platinum one." He held it up. It was larger. "We should make sure she doesn't need 'em back and he can keep 'em since they're probably expensive." He blinked when a flashing board appeared. "Oh, greatness. So he can have them and sell them to make a living fund?" The board changed to say yes, he could. Anya didn't need them. Willow had changed her into a cat for being such a pussy about things. "Anyone spank Willow?" The board lit up a big 'yup, and we had fun' message then disappeared. "Okay then." He brought over the rest of the box he was searching in. "The blinking board said that his ex is now a kitty because that's all she thought about." He let them see them.

Steve looked. "Is that a sapphire shaped like a dildo?" he asked. He picked it up with the hand not holding Xander in place. "It's not even very polished."

"No, it's not," Danny agreed. "So what the fuck do we do about this?"

Chin shrugged. "I'm going to forget I saw it."

"Good idea, Cuz," Kono seconded quickly.

Steve scowled at them. He tossed it back in the box. "I have no idea what to do with those."

"The options are keep them for when he's older or sell them so he has a trust fund," Danny said.

"I don't know anyone who could do that." A bit of thunder went off and a card appeared in front of him. "Huh."

"That's not from the same source," Chin said. "She's more subtle."

Halfrek appeared fluffing out her hair. "Sorry, was napping." She looked at the card and burned it. "That's from Wolfram and Hart. They're major magical bad guys. They keep trying to take over the world. Thankfully no local offices. They were probably hoping for bodily fluids from him." She smiled at the napping baby. "Aww."

Danny grinned. "He's doing okay so far."

"Good." She patted Steve on the shoulder. "I'll see if someone might consider buying a few of those from him." She looked around and pointed. "That's the sacred twinkie stash he was hiding from her."

"The blinking board said she was a cat now?" Danny asked.

"What... Never mind, had to be Willow or another demon. Yeah, she is." She grimaced then shook her head. "She was very concerned about her sex life and how few orgasms she was getting these days. He could only give her five or six a night after all day on the construction site and then patrol. That's why she made that wish when they couldn't get a night off patrol." She disappeared. Ten minutes later she came back with a card. "Here, to look those expensive things over." She disappeared again. She had to check on Dawn too.

"Six?" Kono demanded quietly. She didn't want to wake the little guy. "How did he give her *six*? I'm lucky to get three!"

"All day of construction and I'm guessing patrol was at least an hour," Danny said, considering it.

"By the maps of his former town, probably closer to two or three depending on the route," Steve said.

"So when did he sleep?" Chin asked. "And do you think he'd give hints?"

"Malia would die, Cuz. She would stroke out and die on you," Kono complained.

"We have a day off next weekend together."

"No wonder he has the stamina to stay up all night," Steve muttered, walking off. He started to put Xander down but he flinched and woke up. "Shh. I was going to let you nap here while I went to the bathroom then come back and pick you up again."

"'m up," Xander mumbled.

"Okay. Well, why don't you rest there and I'll still be back in a minute?" The baby nodded. Steve went to the bathroom, even though he really hadn't needed to, he was just trying to lay the baby down. He came back and Xander let himself be picked back up. Danny took him and the baby cuddled in on his shoulder. Steve smiled. "I can see you doing paperwork with Grace like that."

"Only the once and Rachel screamed for hours."

"I probably would too. Being a cop is dangerous," Chin agreed. Xander mumbled something. "What?"

"He said he needs the book with the protections." Steve went to the book pile to find it. It floated out for him. "Room or personal ones, Xander?" Danny asked quietly. Xander shifted as he mumbled personal and room. Another book floated out at a higher angle. Steve jumped up to get it. That was what he wanted apparently because he sighed in pleasure and went back to sleep.

Steve walked back looking at the book. "I'm wondering if his caretaker warded his room or whatever you call it."

"We can check," Danny promised. He shifted the baby to the other side so he could grab his phone. "Hey, Gracie." He grinned. "No, I'm helping Xander. No, I did not adopt him. I only adopt SEALS you know that. Did I not adopt Steve?" he quipped, grinning some. "Yeah, Xander's the baby that your mom told you about. On my shoulder taking a nap. I'm pretty sure we intend to introduce you two sometime soon. No, under 2. Thanks, Gracie. We'll see you this weekend." He hung up. "She wants to see him."

"You adopted him?" Chin asked.

"Does not my daughter call him uncle?"

"Well, yeah," Chin admitted with a smile back. Xander wasn't too bad when he was sleeping. They'd make him less intense and scary as he grew up around normal people he guessed. As long as he could not use the artillery until he joined them on the job. "Think he'll go military or officer?"

"No clue," Danny admitted, looking at Steve.

"He said no to the military but I'm not sure why. I know he had a near-fit last night over being called normal."

"That wasn't anything mentioned in his files," Danny said.

"I know. The dossier is crap anyway." He considered the boy. "Some day he'll tell us." They all nodded.

A large, scary looking demon appeared. "I'm going to tattoo my boss's mark on him," he complained, glaring at the baby. Steve grabbed something that was marked as 'blessed' to use on the demon. The slight missile screamed as it was launched but the demon went up into a column of fire. Then shrank into a puddle of goo.

"No, you're not," Danny said.

Xander blinked then at Steve. "Wow."

Steve smiled. "It's handy."

"Need to salt him though." He put his head back down. "He heals."

"Good to know. Are there books on that?" Danny asked. Xander looked up and nodded. "In your stuff?"

"Giles."

"Where is he?"

"Home."

A tiny demon appeared and patted the boy on the foot, making him look down at him. "I will procure you a set of manuals from the Watchers and the other hunters, Xander." Xander grinned at him. "If only so you do not use funny names like your slayer did." He pointed at a bare space and a stack of books appeared. "There, all you should need to retrain as a hunter." He looked at the goo, floating it into an empty vase. "There, we'll take that with us."

"Thank you, bad library guy."

"You're most welcome." He smiled. "It cancels the three poker debts I owe you." He winked and disappeared with the vase.

"Huh," Steve said, looking at the books. "I guess we can read those later." Xander grinned shyly. "Just in case more of them come out here for the girls on the beach." Xander relaxed when he didn't say they'd come for him.

Danny patted him on the back. "We'll make you date nice girls who like normal guys, not ones who like rock-feeling dildos."

Xander wiggled down and stomped off. "Not normal!"

"Okay," Steve said, following him to that dark corner. "Hey, talk to me here. What's wrong with being normal? I am. Danny is." Xander snorted and shook his head. "We are." Xander shook his head again. "Yeah, we are."

Xander slumped. "Need...." He looked around. He made writing motions. He hoped it got the point across.

"You kept a journal?" Steve guessed. Xander nodded. "Okay. Who has them?"

"JenJen."

"I'll talk to Jensen to get them from him." He pulled him closer. "Everyone starts out normal, Xander. It depends on how you train and what you do with your life that makes you extraordinary." Xander shook his head. "Yeah, it does." He gave him a quick hug. "We'll call Jensen to get them from him." He picked him up to carry him back. He found his phone and called. "Jensen, Steve McGarrett. Do you have Xander's journal?"

"I do and I photocopied them as I scanned the pages in so you and Jack can both have a copy. I sent you the original and the copy, the original for him. That way I can read them on our oh-so-fun trip to Sunnydale to help with whatever battle he foresaw."

"Spike," Xander told him.

"We'll watch out for Spike, Xander."

"No. Mean bad take Spike."

"Okay. We'll save Spike." Xander grinned. "Anyway, I overnighted it last night so you should get it tomorrow at the latest. I have my copy to read while we're out there."

"Thanks," Steve said. "Be safe."

"No bities," Xander warned.

"We won't get bitten. If they try we'll make them eat Roque."

"If I'm eaten by a vampire and turned your ass is going to pay, and pay hard," Roque shouted somewhere near the phone on that end.

"I'm sure it will." He made a scoffing noise. "Anyway." Steve was snickering. "Relax, Xander. Let it all start over and we'll all be okay. We'll protect your friends for you."

"We found out his ex is a cat," Danny said.

"Interesting. Okay."

"And she left him some...appliances."

"Are we talking like the coffee maker or are we talking the girlish and gay guy humming kind?"

"That kind," Steve sighed. "One in platinum."

"Wow, expensive. Talk to you guys soon. We're leaving now. Be careful, Xander." He hung up.

Xander looked at Steve. "Let me get the journals. We'll put your original one in my safety deposit box." Xander smiled and nodded. "Then we'll figure the rest out." Xander nodded, hopping down to head for the twinkies. "One and only one," Steve warned. "Dinner's not that far off."

"That's mean," Xander complained.

"Yay," Danny said, staring at him. "One sealed package." Xander nodded, getting them. He played with them, letting them 'sword' fight and argue in falsetto. He and Chin were paying attention to what he was saying. The two were fighting and then there was a...musical number they were dancing to? Huh?

Steve shook his head, making a note about the journals. He really wanted to see it.

***

Steve got the journals, looking at them. They were in Latin. "Why?" he muttered. He sent an email at Jensen about the latin. He sent back a translator site and the journals in email format with a note that Jack had one of his geeks translate it for him. Apparently the guy had thrown a massive fit to find the boy and protect him. Steve ran the journals through the translator page by page. By the time he was done it was the middle of the night.

He was tired but his mind was not going to shut down by any means. He sent an email to Jensen to get that lockbox from the bank to him. Then he got up after printing off the last translated page. He went to Danny's rathole apartment. It was nearly dawn. He'd get up. He only had to knock a few times before Danny answered the door. He held up the journal pages. "It's bad."

"Figured that much out." He took it and flopped down on the couch to read the first few pages. By the fifth one he was up and pacing. "Tell me it gets better?"

"Have you gotten to him saving her yet?"

"No. I'm at the Harvest."

"Yeah, that's not pretty but there's worse." Danny just nodded and kept reading while pacing. He noticed how far along he was when Danny stopped mid-pace and clearly reread. "If that's his senior year, I'm having that checked quietly soon." Danny nodded and went back to pacing and reading, starting to mutter too.

"Excuse me?" he demanded.

Steve glanced at the page. Then he nodded. "Yeah." He leaned back and went back to thinking. "We have to work on his self-esteem and getting him used to what normal people have. Plus an educational plan."

Danny turned to stare at him. "We need to go kick some ass."

"Jensen's there and has a copy."

"Do you think Jensen can kick their asses like you can? Or even I can?"

"He's a Ranger. Not quite as good as a SEAL but there's five Rangers, his whole team, going." He smiled. "Together they can probably do the same damage I can."

"Uh-huh." He went back to reading. "This box?"

"Asked him to procure it for us."

"Procure, really?" Danny demanded absently. "Who says that?" He went back to reading, growling again. "I'd like to gut some bitches."

"Well, his ex is a cat now so can you skin a cat?"

"Probably and the witch that turned her." He finished and handed it back. "We've got to calm down some things. But now we know why he reacted that way to being normal."

"And why he's still so manic," Steve said.

"I think he was manic before," Danny admitted. "Or he was working so hard to wear himself out."

"I've seen other soldiers that've done that," Steve admitted. "So you don't have the time to think. You don't have nightmares because you're so exhausted that even if they come you don't remember them."

"I've seen cops do the same thing and then eat their guns," Danny said bluntly, staring at him. "Where do we start?"

"I think I'll start with a good long doctor's visit." He stood up. "Think he'll need more shots?"

"No. Well, they say you're supposed to get boosters so it probably wouldn't hurt."

Steve nodded. "That quiet bloodwork."

"For which?"

"Both. Just in case because I don't want blood hunters here," he said quietly. "And then we'll start on educational stuff. He clearly still remembers most of everything but helping him get back up to that point could help him later on in school."

"He sounded a bit like he was having problems reading," Danny said, running a hand through his hair. "He switched letters sometimes too."

"I'm thinking we can have him checked for that by the same baby doctor." Danny nodded. "Then martial arts to help him calm himself down, give him more focus."

"You and he are gonna have to talk about how military guys aren't all like that."

"I know. We can do that later." He grimaced. "Though I would've killed their asses."

Danny nodded. "I would've been right behind you, buddy." He punched him on the arm. His alarm went off so he walked back to turn it off. "Let me shower and get breakfast. I'll meet you at the sprout's house?"

"Good for me. Then tonight we're taking that book of protections to ward around his bed." Danny grinned and nodded. Steve went to take his own shower and get breakfast. They had a battle plan to help the kid. That's what they needed. He made a status report to O'Neill and Jensen so they'd know and could hype it when they were around the kid.

***

Steve swooped down and picked up the boy from the yard. "Why are you already outside?"

"Been out for hours?" Xander guessed.

"Can't sleep?" Xander shook his head. "Nightmares suck, kiddo. Even for me." He carried him around to the backyard. "We read your journal." Xander frowned. "It cleared up some things. First, we're going to have your blood tested to make sure if you still carry anything you used to." Xander shuddered. "Hate doctors?"

Xander nodded. "Willow healed."

"That won't happen here. Even I have to get stitches. Danny makes sure of it. Even if he has to handcuff me in the ambulance I have to get stitches done by a professional." Xander grimaced but nodded. "We also need to know about the stuff from Thanksgiving to make sure that no other type of hunters show up," he said quietly.

"Wouldn't before."

"Yeah but you're not in Sunnydale now. There's every chance that you'll have blood taken in the ER from rollerblading scrapes and stuff."

"Huh?"

"You've never been rollerblading?" Xander slowly shook his head. "We can teach you. I'm sure Danny can somewhat and if not I know Grace can." He smiled and adjusted the boy's shirt. "I noticed a few things. Including that Dru is kind of scary so she can stay in Brazil if possible?" Xander smiled and nodded. "She can still call in to interpret the visions until you're old enough to tell us yourself. Another thing we noticed is that you had some ...some problems in school?" Xander nodded slowly. "There's ways to help you with that and we'll make sure this time you can do that."

"Hate school."

"I know. Maybe it'll make it better." Xander shook his head.

"Maybe he's a hands-on guy," Danny said as he came around the house with a cup of coffee. "That showed from the construction stuff." Xander smiled and nodded. "So we can warn the teachers of that and they can help you warp things that way." He sat down beside Steve facing the baby. "Secondly, yeah, you gotta graduate. No GED." Xander shrugged and slumped some. "Thirdly, they're wrong and bitches. The sort that my sisters would've smacked around every single day to teach 'em better." Xander's mouth flopped open. "Super soldier or not. They're still bitches. They had no right to treat you that way." Xander slowly nodded. "No. They didn't." He made the baby look at him. "We'll make sure you have all the fun you want. You're going to be just like every other kid on this island. With some extra training."

"If you want to, there's martial arts classes for little kids. You may be too young but not for long," Steve said. "We can send you to them. That'll help with growth spurts and help you learn to be more comfortable in this new, younger body. Because I'm guessing that you feel like you should be able to do things you can't." Xander nodded. "Then we can do that. And if you want, we can see about talking to someone." Xander shook his head quickly. "You sure?" Xander nodded just as quickly. "Okay. We'll leave that up to you but you can talk to us. Even if it's about nightmares, anything." He straightened his shirt out. "When you're ready, you'll ask us questions and we'll answer."

"No military."

"Almost none of the people in the real military are like them, kiddo," Steve said. "I never was. If there were any around me they didn't show it to me because they knew I'd kick their asses."

Danny nodded. "Almost no one's like that. Only there could it happen and them not be shut down immediately. Here, we've got nosy sorts that check on those things." He grinned. "If you want to talk about the military and how the real one is different than the ones you saw the worst of then you two can talk when you're older." Xander nodded at that. "Or if you want to talk about going to the PD, you can talk to me and Chin."

"'Kay," Xander said quietly. "Hunt?"

"We'll train you on the side, because it's not a job, that's a calling. You need a job to pay you to hunt," Steve said. "If you wanted to handle an area and protect the area, then that would be a great thing to both of us. Wandering around the US hunting not so much."

"On a related note," Danny said. "Jensen said he and his team are going out to help your friends. Five commandos should pretty well cover your old job." Xander shook his head but he was grinning. "I know but Jensen's insane so he can cover up on that side too." He patted him on the knee, seeing the wince. He looked. "Scraped?"

"Fell."

"We'll work on that stuff so you're better than Super SEAL here. You'll be Super Ninja SEAL," Danny teased. "Then we can talk about what you'll do beyond stabbing the one that wants you so hard."

"Wow," Xander said quietly, staring at them.

Steve shrugged. "You need it. You and me? We both have that white knight streak, kiddo." Xander hugged him. "Thanks."

"Just don't put grenades in my car like he does," Danny complained. He took his own hug. "For today, we got a baby doc we like?"

"Not yet. I was going to ask a friend on the base that has kids."

"No!" Xander said, shaking his head frantically. "They come!"

"No, they won't come."

Xander nodded and pointed inside. "Why wake up!"

Steve got up and went inside. He nodded at the young woman taking care of Xander. "He said someone tried to grab him last night?"

"Must be what woke him up at three." She sipped her coffee.

Steve grimaced, heading for his bedroom. There was someone thumping in the closet and one under the dresser. He wouldn't wonder how that had happened. He called for regular HPD to come arrest the guys. He went out to meet them. "My whole team's watching over the baby that lives here. His family and my dad were in the service together. He's about two." The officers nodded. "Last night he had to get away from guys that broke into his room. Somehow he managed to trap them in the closet and under the dresser."

"Okay," one said. He followed him inside. "The kid really did _Home Alone_ them." He got them out with his partner's help and got them arrested. "To 5-0, Commander?"

"Please. I want to know why they want the kid." They nodded.

The partner snorted. "Because they're sick bastards. Otherwise they wouldn't have tried to hurt a baby." They walked them off. They were not getting the gentle treatment on the way there.

Steve cleared the rest of the house then went outside. "We've arrested them, Xander. Want to come with us? Can you tell us who they were?"

Xander nodded and pointed. "Doggy got one."

"Is that steppuppy's doing?" Danny asked. Xander shook his head. "One like her?" He nodded. They looked at the mess. "Why is it a bunny?"

"Ooops?" Xander said, wincing some.

"Did you turn him into a bunny?" Steve asked. Xander nodded slowly. "I wondered how that guy got under the dresser." He patted him on the head. "Danny, go get a diaper bag. We'll let him identify them and we'll talk to O'Neill about baby doctor stuff." Danny nodded and went to get it. He looked at the baby. "Is she treating you okay?" he asked quietly. Xander shrugged. "Okay. You let us know." Xander nodded. "Good boy." He picked him up and carried him off.

***

Chin looked up as they walked in. "The two people are in interrogation. Are we doing more sorting with his help?"

"They broke into his room," Danny said. "He _Home Aloned_ 'em according to the uniforms."

"Huh," Chin said. "Why?"

"That's a really good question," he said, handing him the journal pages. Xander huffed. "If something happens to us, Chin would help protect you, Xander. He needs to know."

"Maybe," he complained.

"He would. You know we can be shot on the job and stuff."

"Or accused of murder," Danny said.

"Or that," Steve sighed.

"Sure," Chin said. "Though if it happens again I'm going to kill someone." They smirked at him. "Go see who they were. Their pockets were empty except a few syringes and a bottle of something that the lab can identify later." He settled in to read the pages. "What language were they in since it's a translator site's address in the header?"

"Latin," Danny said. "A few words didn't."

"Okay." As he went on, he was feeling the urge to lose his temper and his cool, calm, professional image. He wanted to throw a fit like Danny would. He felt someone hand him something and smiled at the boy. "Thank you, Xander."

"Welcome. It's not happy." He walked off. Danny was going to let him see who the people were. He scowled. "Dickheads."

"Language, even if it's true," Danny ordered. "Who are they?"

"Mil."

"Initiative fuckers?" Danny asked. Xander nodded. "Okay." He set him on the floor. "Go wait for Kono and if any more of them show up, you scream so we can shoot 'em."

He grinned and went out to bother Kono. She seemed nice. She was reading his journal now, making him pout. "Hey!"

"She wants to understand better, Xander. It won't make her feel sorry for you," Chin promised, hugging him. The baby grinned. "It does mean that she can be less cautious about pranks though." Xander beamed and nodded, bounding off to the supply closet.

"Guys, don't let him that free," Danny called. "These two are supposed military scumbags." Kono got up and hurried after the baby before someone snatched him from the building. He and Steve shared a look. "Can we get an ID from the system for them?"

"Probably." He went to call someone he had known many years ago. Her advice was not to talk about the kid, that the NSA would make him disappear probably, and probably already had their offices bugged if they knew he had the kid. She did give him some hints though. He hung up and went to look up the file she had given him. Someone had stolen personnel records and made it into a movie file. "Got 'em." He handed Danny the notes he had been making.

"We can handle it," Danny said quietly. Xander tried to take it. "Their evil overlords are still pissy, kiddo."

Xander shrugged. "Idiots."

"We'll talk to Jack O'Neill about it," Steve promised. Xander grinned his shy grin and they all smiled back. "You've got to get to know him anyway since you'll be spending some time with him too." He ruffled his hair. "I'm going to ask one of his people to look you over as a baby doc. That way he can keep track of who knows." Xander nodded. "Good boy." He got given a bottle of water by Kono and it was good for him. They went in to interrogate the idiots who had broken in on the kid. They were firmly mute until Xander strolled in and put something on the table that was smoking. "What is that?" Steve asked.

Xander pushed him away from it. "Not for you." He ran off.

Steve and Danny had to back out of the interrogation room when the smoke started to grow. It wasn't setting off the smoke detectors but it was slowly filling the room. Then the guys started to scream. Five minutes later the fog receded slowly and the guys looked like they had been through hell and a battle. Bites, scrapes, cuts, a black eye. One guy holding the deep gash on his side. They both looked like they were ready to cry. "Now, let's talk," Steve said. "Before I have to find out how he did that." He sat down across from them and smirked. "What, exactly, were your orders pertaining to the boy?"

You must login (register) to review.