Childhood Roulette - The Crawling Terror of Doom by voracity

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Xander came out the next morning to the smell of waffles. He looked then backed away slowly, staring at David. "Are you taking me to see another special doctor?"

"Hell no. Doctor Janet will kill me with her needles, kiddo. Relax."

"She made chocolate waffles when she took me to be bled."

David shook his head. "Not my thing. I'll only torture you for singing Barney songs all night." Xander laughed and relaxed. "I did it to a teammate that was high. You got stuff in the living room."

Xander went to look then looked up. "I know Santa is a demon who eats people," he called. "And he doesn't come for six more months. So where did this come from?"

"That's Crampus, not Santa," David called back. "He eats the bad kids according to various European folklore. We found out that they had spread thanks to my old job and found where that demon was living now." Xander leaned into the kitchen to stare at him. He grinned. "We did more insane things than even your team did." Xander nodded. "The note on top said that your ex, who is now a vamp, sent it."

"Great." He went to look it over. "I wonder if she remembered my other weapons or if Jake used them for the battle."

"By his reports they used every single weapon they could find in the town, kiddo. So probably not in there." He heard the laugh and went to look, staring at the box of sex toys. Expensive looking metal sex toys. "Huh."

"Anya's friends," Xander quipped. "She was real fond of them." Someone knocked so he closed that box while David went to answer the door.

David opened the door, smiling at the woman standing there. "Do we know you, ma'am?"

"I heard there's a little boy here," she said with a smile, holding up her badge.

Xander looked out at her. No special glow. Nothing that pointed that she'd know who Halfrek was. "He's my guardian since my parents are worthless and possibly dead but my actual uncles are all military, ma'am." He went to the kitchen, pulling the last waffle out of the iron. He settled it on a plate and got what he wanted from the fridge. David came in to hand him the fruit spread, getting a smirk. "That's sneaky."

"It's jelly but it has fruit bits so Doctor Janet can't complain too much at us." He helped him settle at the breakfast bar to eat. "Need help cutting it up?"

Xander shook his head, using the knife pretty well. "No, they're light."

"Okay." He went back to talk to her and the officer with her now. "Do you have a warrant, ma'am?"

"I don't need one."

"Yes you do," he said. "I was just appointed his new guardian. His last one is being hunted by military police." He looked at the officer. "I served in Cheyenne Mountain but I'm now in college."

He nodded, calling that in. "We have a file from Hawaii?"

"Yeah, he switches back and forth to be with the two uncles he has who have standard housing. The other one's a covert ops soldier so he's never in town." The social worker tried to shove her way in. "Lady, you still need a warrant." He looked at the officer. "Doesn't she?"

He nodded. "She does but they reported some irregularities. How long have you had custody of him?"

"Last night. His last guardian ran into the woods. We're hoping she's arrested soon." He heard swearing and leaned back to look. "Hurt yourself?"

"Yes!" he complained, rubbing his knee. "I'm too close and banged my knee cap."

"It happens, kiddo. We'll figure out the right proportions later. It's real important with a bar setup to figure out how far away you should sit." He looked at the officer again. "I've got a general, three colonels, a few other soldiers, two doctors, and then a special response team in Hawaii looking over my shoulder with him," he told the officer.

"You can talk to me," the social worker sneered.

Xander walked out chewing and stared up at her. "Lady, I've seen plenty of you thanks to my parents, the pathetic drunk assholes. Every damn last one of them were worthless and decided them drinking and trying to cook me once was just fine." She flinched back, shaking her head. "I don't really care what you want. By law you have to have a warrant to come in. By that time I'll have cleaned up stuff that a former aunt left me so it's not in the living room. Secondly, it's *real* convenient you showed up to harass my old guardian, who was handing my blood to a researcher while I was in Hawaii recently," he said blandly, staring up at her. "Frankly, I'm starting to wonder if you're a state social worker or if you're an agent. If so, you can kiss my ass." David swatted him on the head. "Sorry but yay. Some of my aunts helped take down an NID project a few years back."

"I can put you into foster care," she said smugly.

He snorted, shaking his head. "No you can't. Because I won't put up with that shit. The first one who hits me I'll be killing." She flinched back. "Thankfully I'm with a guardian who can calm down those old skills. Isn't that better for everyone?" he asked with a grin.

"That's indication you need drugs!" she said firmly, glaring at him. "I can have a judge authorize you being drugged."

Xander snorted, shaking his head. "You have no proof beyond this talk, lady, and I'm not going to put up with other agents." He pointed outside. "They're torturing sickos. Did you bring them with you or did they just follow you?" She looked and the officer winced, calling them in. "David, the pets are in the closet in the spare room," he said quietly. He nodded, going to get a few helpful friends who barked. Xander stared at the agents coming up the front steps. "Just get back into your car and go."

"Mr. Harris, we're here to talk to you," she said with a smile. "And take some of your blood."

"You're not getting any of my blood, lady. I know I have a few diseases I got exposed to but fucking yay. Don't make me call in help." She snorted but looked amused as she pointed her two helpers to grab him. David shot them both in the leg. "Thanks." He stared at her again. "Just. Go."

"We'll get what we want, Harris. We are the government."

Xander sighed and looked up then went to get something from his room. He came out crushing it. A demon appeared. He pointed with a sigh. "She wants my blood. They're NID, just like the Initiative were. Want 'em?" The demon sniffed and growled in pleasure, racing after her when she ran for her car. He looked at the social worker, who was pale and shaky. "I don't need your shit, lady. I may be seven, but yay.

"I have bigger problems to deal with than you being paranoid that I'm not the little scared kid you expect. So just go and leave me alone. You're about to step into something you don't want to deal with." Another van pulled up and agents got out, one heading for the car and demon and the other three heading for him. "Oh, great, now we have the NSA too! Like we need more nut suckers," he complained to the lead agent. He glared at him, hands on his hips again. "Must you? Really?"

"Yes, we must. We're helping protect you, Harris. We'll talk to the social worker once she calms down. We'll get the agents that the demon got." He smirked a tiny bit.

"Good luck with that. They're NID and my Uncle Jack keeps pissing them off greatly by doing stuff I think is just fine."

David patted him on the head. "Calm down, Xander."

"Fine!" He looked at the agent again. "I don't trust you any more than I do the NID. I still remember the Initiative."

"Wasn't us and I helped end them on our end, kid. My team has ethics. We're the one that stopped that doc."

"Uncle Steve would probably say thanks."

The agent smirked at him. "You are on a watch list due to what you used to do out there," he said in Greek. Xander winced. "Understood?"

"Barely," he admitted. "I read ancient Greek, not speak modern. I get the basic meaning though." He stared at him. "I will *not* deal with them around me."

"Not a problem. We think you're a curse of chaos that needs to be handled. We're hoping that your new guardian can hold it down."

He smirked. "By the note on Anya's stuff she got turned. If she dies, I want her money."

He nodded. "I can make that note. Who does your doctor stuff?"

"Doctor Janet up at Cheyenne," David said smugly. "Smallish redheaded woman." He pointed. "Her."

He looked then went to introduce himself. "Ma'am, I'm Agent Peters with the NSA. We have Mr. Harris on a watch list due to his former services and chaos causing problems. We're the ones that turned in that doctor." He stared at her. "We're going to try to keep down his chaos."

"I wish you a lot of luck," she said dryly. "I'm not handing over anything about the kid."

"No worry, ma'am. We took it from the people who had it before. We have things we don't understand and have no idea how it happened and much more than you probably found since his blood from that one doctor's drawing was missing some of the old things." She quirked an eyebrow up at him. "I can share if we can be socially polite."

"Until the kid shoots you for annoying him," she said. "Or O'Neill does."

"I know not to get in his way, ma'am. We know what he does and we're all really happy you guys do that. Some day we'll cheer when Harris helps," he finished sarcastically. "Because he's the power source for at least one chaos god somewhere." He stared at her. Behind him the doctor from the NID was being eaten. "She came up and demanded blood and samples. He called in a debt."

She looked then nodded. "It's effective. Is it usually a harmless being?" He shrugged. "We do care, Agent Peters."

"So do I but I have no idea how to figure out if they're peaceful but if they want to eat the NID most agents aren't going to care."

She grimaced. "Us either," she admitted. "I'll tell the general what you've shared."

He smirked a tiny bit. "Thank you, Doctor Frasier." He nodded and gathered his people so they could leave.

She looked at the mess, finding the step-puppy and a few of her kind eating the remains. She went to talk to the kid. "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine. David actually made real waffles." He grinned. "I had fruit stuff on it."

"Fruit stuff is high in sugar but fruit is all good," she agreed. She looked at the scared looking woman. "Doctor Janet Frasier," she said, holding out a hand. "His chosen doctor."

The social worker shook it delicately. "Is he healthy and sane?"

"Most of the time. He's had to deal with those sort all too often unfortunately." She stared at the kid then at her. "It's my mission to make him more normal. We've only had him now for a few months."

"Good!" She straightened herself out, glancing at the officer, who was taping the disgusting scene. She looked at the kid then at the doctor again. "You will report to me if he so much as needs a referral to any sort of mental health specialist." She handed over her card. "I'll be waiting because I suspect it'll take drugging him." She stomped off. The officer nodded and left.

"I'm sorry they did that while you were here," Xander called, waving at them with a grin. "They were idiots." He looked at David then at Janet. "I'm going to get another waffle then deal with Anya's stuff." He went to grab another waffle from the stack and warm it in the microwave for a few second.

David grinned at her. "He's so much like one of us, Doc."

"Yes, he is. We're trying to make him sane."

He shrugged. "He's the guy he is and will be again, Doc. We like him for the guy he is." He let her inside. "Don't touch the stuff his ex sent him. She got turned I guess so they sent her stuff over."

She went to look, gasping at the box of sex toys. She carefully closed it. "That has to be taken care of."

Xander looked over at her while he finished chewing. "Her gemstone ones and the platinum was in the stuff in Hawaii," he said dryly. "Steve auctioned a few of those off."

She looked at him. "These ones should probably join them until you're old enough to be able to use them on yourself or others." He winced. "You didn't?" she asked dryly.

"That was *her* thing, not mine. I wasn't into extra dicks being around the one I was dating. I nearly left her once for cheating on me with a vampire."

"With her being turned she won't get any older while you age," David joked.

"Eww, dead penises," Xander complained, grimacing at him. "Seriously icky, David. I could never sleep with someone lukewarm." He shuddered and stuffed his mouth again.

Janet smiled. "Many of us feel the same way, Xander." She looked at the rest, blinking at what was in there. She separated out the pictures and repacked the rest. Xander came out to repack one box and put the pictures in there. "Why that and it's got a dagger, kid. Do you need more weapons?"

He stared at her. "It's her altar set. It's supposed to have an athame, a sacred sword."

"Oh. I didn't know that. Do you practice?"

"No but I can seriously mess up magic so I think we should probably keep it around just in case I have to make a sudden plea to Janus or something to fix problems."

She nodded. "Quite possibly," she agreed. "We've seen some of what the actual Janus did."

Xander leaned closer to her. "The Ancient Ones took the gods' names," he said quietly. "Not the other way around. Many of them came from ancient demon societies." She blinked. He grinned. "You haven't seen *half* of what the *actual* one did. Including hiding whole cities just to confuse one princess's boyfriend." She shuddered. "There's three good books on ancient demon societies that Giles has. Or may have had, it may be destroyed. You should ask him about that. Demons were here *long* before Ancient Ones rose up to take them out."

"Crap," she muttered. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah." He grinned and nodded, patting her on the hand. He found her phone in her jacket pocket and sent a text message to a number he had memorized long ago. Including that it was him asking since he was now around some that drew those Ancient Ones. A few minutes later he had a stack of six books. Xander looked and grinned. "Thanks, Giles." He sent back a 'thank you' and handed her the phone back. "Giles."

She saved that number while moving to look over the books with David. "I'll be damned. There were demons first. Are these written by demons?" He nodded with a grin. "Oh, dear. That's going to knock someone on their asses." She gathered them and took them with her after patting Xander on the head. "Make sure those others get to your warehouse space in Hawaii, Xander."

"Yes, Doctor Janet."

"Thank you, boys. Good job so far, David." She got into her jeep and drove off. She'd tell the general so he could deal with that social worker and make her quit freaking out about the kid.

Xander grinned at David. "They're going to have a hair pulling day up there."

"They are," he agreed. "We should finish sorting things out and help you set up the altar of just in case." Xander nodded, checking the other stuff for stuff he wanted to keep with him. The rest got sent to Steve's desk chair by Xander. Who really could do a tiny bit of magic but he'd never admit to that because then higher powers would show up wanting him even harder.

Out in Hawaii, Steve looked at his office at the twinkling, going in to get the note taped to the top box. "Oh, Anya's stuff. She was turned and sent it to Xander. Janet said we need to store the rest of this, especially the sex toys." Danny was shaking his head with a sigh. Steve was brave enough to look and human guy enough to have his mind grind to a halt at the ones on top. "What species are those from?" he finally asked.

Danny and Chin came in to look. "That belongs on the blue thing we ran into moonbathing on the beach naked," Chin told him. "I had nightmares about him."

Steve carefully put the lid on the box. "Let's get this somewhere before vulnerable people see it. I don't want Kono to get upset or worried that they're self activating again." He and Danny carried them out and drove them to the warehouse, which seemed to have grown a tiny bit. It was now full of other things too. He sighed but whoever had put it in there had at least given them an index. He took a picture of the top page and sent it to Jensen since it said he could use some of those on missions and they were his kitten poker debts.

Danny looked in one, then huffed. "Almost as nice as the kid's." They went back to the office with a stop for malsadas and coffees. It might save their minds later. Maybe.

***

Jake looked at his phone. "I love the charm work Rosenburg did on that." He read the message, grinning as he showed Cougar. "My kitten poker debt paid Xander's warehouse in Hawaii."

Colonel Mitchell looked at him. "Why is that so important, corporal?" he asked impatiently.

Jake grinned. "It's weapons. I might need them for later missions they said."

He rubbed his eyes. "The kid has real weapons?"

"The kid showed up chewing on det cord," Roque said. "Tried to get us to play see-saw on a cannon. Has a gun with tentacles that self-reload the gun from anything metal around you."

"He has an unnatural affiliation to grenades," Clay added. "We adored his stash when we watched him for a few days. Gave us something to do besides watch the kid be weird."

Jake nodded. "It's genetic from my side of the family. Even my sister likes weapons. And my niece." He grinned at Pooch. "I showed Jolene more pictures of him in his last life. She so cooed. My niece wants to protect and hug him as a little brother but her mom said no siblings."

"Your whole family is weird. That's why we didn't blink when you said he was related to you," Pooch shot back. "Is his step-puppy still following my wife around?"

"Yeah. The young hellhound bitch that's following her around growled at someone who slung a racial slur at her."

"Good. I'm glad she's protected right now." He was shaking his head and rubbing it. He took Jake's phone to text his wife then handed it back. Mitchell was giving them odd looks again. "Yeah, that's why they made us a team," he told him.

"Even if my nephew did think that Roque should have tights so he could fly and be Peter Pan," Jake quipped, getting out of swatting and punching range.

"That doesn't really surprise me about that kid." He looked at the others in the group. "The general's nephew is who we're talking about. He's weird but nice. And he wanted to flirt with Vala." A few of them just nodded. The rest were way too uptight for their program. He'd have to make sure they wanted to not stay. He couldn't take that lack of insanity. It'd mean they'd all die.

***

Kono was in the office late one night doing hated paperwork. She didn't have anything to get her out of the office early so she might as well finish them tonight before they got another case. She heard a bump and looked around, frowning. No one in the office with her. She shook off the creepy feelings as she got back to typing in the file notes. Another bump, this one clearly from inside the office. She got up to look around. No hiding people. No one had shoved someone in a closet in weeks so they weren't a forgotten perp. She frowned, turning on more lights. No more bumps so she turned off the lights again. There one was. She followed the sound, finding a little green thing carrying a grenade and a sex toy. "What are you?" she asked. It squeaked and dropped the things, staring up at her. She took the thing's picture and sent it to Steve and Danny one handed, the other on her gun. "Well, do you speak english?"

It nodded slowly. "We're making a great structure to celebrate the future prince's birthday soon."

She blinked a few times. "With a grenade?"

"He likes them." Steve stomped in and the being smiled at him and waved. "It's you!"

Steve stared then huffed. "It's a gremlin," he said. "It was on a ship I served on. I nearly threw it into the sea but I felt pity and let it live in a closet." He took the grenade back, putting it into his pocket. "You can't have the weapons."

"We're making a statue for the future prince for his birthday."

"Is his name Xander?" Kono asked. The gremlin smiled and nodded. "That's his grenade already."

"Shoot. I can go find others." He hefted the sex toy and ran out a window and into the night.

She looked at Steve. "All I knew was some bumps in the less lit areas."

"They like the dark," he agreed, rubbing his forehead. "I'll go do an inventory of his storage area later." She shut down her computer and followed him out. He grinned at her.

"I don't need gremlins walking around me with sex toys. They might get ideas. Like that one magicked model that tried to jump out of the box to tease my cousin."

"That was freaky, but funny," he admitted. He followed her out of the building and to their cars. Steve sent a text message to Danny about the gremlin and then one to Xander's phone so he was warned too. Danny sent back a message he'd meet him to do an inventory of Xander's warehouse in the morning. Just in case the gremlins had taken more of them for their art projects.

***

Three months later, Hank Landry shut the mountain off from the outside world for a bit. All personnel were locked to base. All gate missions were postponed. There weren't many people let in, but he called General O'Neill to come personally. He was still staring at the gateroom's new displays while he called. Landry hung up and looked at his assistant. "Go find me Corporal Jensen," he said quietly. "He or O'Neill probably have an explanation." His assistant got him some aspirin on his way to find that corporal. He took them while he waited.

Jake and Clay stomped in together, Clay holding onto Jensen. "Is he in trouble, General? Did he hack someone again against orders?"

"No," he said, pointing at the gateroom. "I think he might know about that though."

Jake looked then blinked, shaking his head. "Not me," he said while trying not to laugh. "Wow. Someone thought the gateway was a sexual metaphor." He shook his head quickly. "It's kind of techno and lots of shiny things." He leaned over to look down there. "Weapons too. That's a grenade statue." He straightened up, looking at Clay. "Want me to call the kiddo?"

"Please," Landry agreed patiently but quietly. Before he lost his temper.

Jake called all the uncles. "Hey, guys, has anyone heard anything about shiny, slightly techno, weapon and sex toy based artwork?" Steve choked and told him something. "Okay. Is his birthday this week? I thought it was next week. Yeah, that's true. It'll take a few days to appreciate all this pretty artwork. Thanks, man. Yeah, that's probably why you got called, General." He hung up and looked at Clay then pulled up the page on his phone to let the general see. "Gremlins. They're celebrating Xander's birthday. They're apparently showing off the kid's presents."

Landry read it over, eye starting to twitch. He handed it back. "I'll let your team and O'Neill hike it down to their house when he gets here." He walked off rubbing his forehead, going to the infirmary.

Jake looked at Clay, shrugging some. "McGarrett said they caught a gremlin with a grenade he had stored and a sex toy. The little guy told him they were making some prince a birthday present."

Clay groaned, shaking his head. "Great. We'll get the others together to hike it to the house so you can play for a bit." He looked down there. "No idea how to uncover the gateway's ring." He walked off shaking his head. Roque was not going to believe this. Even seeing it wasn't enough to believe it.

Jake sat down, shrugging at the staring people. "Gremlins apparently really like shiny techno things and sex toys." They groaned. "McGarrett said that the gremlin he caught in their office with his grenade was one he had seen on a ship he served on." He sat up and looked. "We should send pictures to the other uncles on Atlantis." He pulled out his phone, going down there to take good photos of all the pretty artwork. He smiled at the stuff on the walls that climbed it like computer parts ivy.

The gate started to dial in and the vines around it with the sex toy 'flowers' actually moved out of the way of the gateway opening. He blinked and filmed it for the Atlantis uncles. The team came through and paused to stare. "Gremlins," he said with a grin. "It's a birthday present for the kid." The team, who he barely had met, all shook their heads. "They really like techno and shiny things." He taped it as the gateway closed and the vines closed around the ring again. "Wow, they did a great job with that."

The team leader turned to look at the ring then around the room. He huffed. "We're not supposed to be giving the universe sexual ideas," he complained. "Because this is enough to give me some I didn't want."

"Me too," Jake quipped, grinning at him. "They made a nice grenade statue too." He pointed. Then he took more pictures. It was shifting to repose itself. It was a rough outline of a human body and was posing. "Wow. I wonder how they laid that ability."

"Probably stuff that would make Carter and McKay yell at someone," one of the grunts on that team complained. "We're going to medical since the general hasn't given an order yet."

"He's already down there," Jake told him. "He had a headache. We're on base lockdown."

The team nodded, hiking off to get their medical checks. They could understand why the general was down there getting brain scans. They could probably use one too. Jensen...they had hopes his team would go to Atlantis since that sort of insanity was more useful up there than on the main base.

***

Steve hung up and sighed, rubbing his eyes. "The gremlins got done with their artwork but it's on the general's base." He stood up. "I need to go see it." Danny stared at him. "It's for his birthday next week. It's ....apparently very interesting." He got video from Jake and watched it, frowning at what he saw. "They animated it too. Huh." He let Danny see it after the classified stuff was out of view.

"Did they take his grenades for that? I don't think he had that many," Danny said, letting Chin see it with Kono looking over his arm. He looked at Steve. "The last inventory was only missing two grenades and you were pretty sure you took them."

"Yeah, I think I did. I don't know. If I find one I'll ask where they got them from." He took his phone back and texted O'Neill that he was on his way out. He disappeared in a flash of light, blinking at the people staring at him. "Hi." He looked around the room then at Jake, who was grinning at him. "We need to ask where they got the extra grenades from since it wasn't his warehouse." He walked over to look at the grenades statue. It poked him but shifted into a new position. "This is fantastic work. Magic we think?"

"I think so," Jake admitted. "Not real sure." He shrugged and grinned, grabbing his arm as the ring's vines responded to the extra energy of the general being flashed into the room. "That's very cool. It moved when the thing opened too."

"That's fantastic," O'Neill said, looking around. "Wow." He stared at the grenade statue that had just quit moving. "Did it...?" Jake and Steve both nodded. "Huh."

"We need to see where the gremlins found them," Steve said. "They didn't come from his warehouse."

"Interesting. Yeah, we can do that." He looked around again, nodding. "Wow. I wonder how much of this we can give to the kid."

"It's grenades," one of the soldiers said firmly. "Kids should not have grenades!"

"It's his nephew," Jake told him. "The deaged one."

"SO! It's still *GRENADES*!"

"He was two and wanting to pet and cuddle the grenades," Steve said with a shrug. "Xander really loves weapons."

"He chewed on det cord whenever we couldn't stop him," Jake said. "Petted all the weapons that got sent with him too."

"I pulled out that tentacle gun to freak out someone," Steve said with a grin. "That one will *never* try to kidnap people on my islands again."

Jack laughed. "I wanted to show that off or let Sheppard do it there. That might actually freak out the natives." He moved to look at the vines around the ring. "They're not connected?"

"They pull back at a lot of energy or it starting to move," Jake said. "Pulled back totally earlier when it opened."

"Great. That's actually an excellent thing as long as it doesn't disturb it any." He walked around to look at the others. The grenade person poked him too so he got out of the way. They got to watch as the ring started to move and everything activated to move some. "It's reacting to the extra energy?"

"It's making me have crawling feelings," Steve admitted quietly. Jack looked at him. "It is."

"That's a whole different talk, McGarrett," he said smugly. People came through and paused to stare at the walls and then at the gate. "Gremlins gave them to my nephew for his birthday next week, guys."

"Including the grenade statue," Jake said with a grin and a point.

"General, permission to go back to the people who think we're idiots?" one of that team requested patiently.

"Denied. Go to medical instead. The gremlins only put the pretty artwork in here, guys." They tromped off and they got to watch as the vines around the gate moved back into place as it shut down. Slowly everything quit moving. He looked up. "Chuck, do we have energy readings to compare?"

"There's less static electricity in the air," Chuck, the gate tech, called down. "Colonel Carter wasn't amused but she said it's taking care of some of the problems we've had with static discharges, General."

"So it's really helpful," Jake said with a grin. "That's great." He looked around again. "The stuff on the walls is pretty and probably useful. The gate's ring wouldn't fit anywhere in the house so maybe we keep those and give the rest to the nephew?" he suggested.

Jack considered it, looking at the grenade statue and the other things. "Yeah, that might work. I'd hate to see it destroyed if something hostile comes through the gate." He walked over to pet the things on the walls. One petted him back, which was a bit creepy, but it was magic so that was about his normal feeling about it.

McGarrett smiled at Jake. "If we bring him in here to see it, we'll have to make sure he doesn't run across the gateway by accident. Xander seems like the sort that would do that."

"It might be prompted because then wish demons could follow him," Jake agreed. Jack shook his head as he walked off. "So...."

"Office, boys," Jack called back. They followed him. He looked at Landry, who was in there having a minor hissy fit. "Any other artwork they left us? Carter said that the pretty stuff was actually solving a small problem they've had with the static discharge. It only took ten years to get that fixed."

Landy looked at him. "Why did they leave it here?"

"It's helping," Jake reminded him. The general glared at him. "According to the books Xander has, gremlins are really attuned to energy flows. They like to tinker in energy creating things like engines, and sometimes try to rearrange it so it suits their sense of the energy flows instead. That's why they get accused of breaking machines all the time."

"So why did they put it in my gate room?" Landry demanded.

"Because there's a lot of energy output, which would draw the gremlins," Jack told him, looking them up. "Yeah, the gate energy and all the excess energy we have flowing out of it would draw them. They're said to be artistic with leftover parts in their own homes. And sometimes in places where they congregate. I'm guessing we're like their favorite restaurant or coffee bar right now with all the miscalibrated machines around here, Hank," Jack O'Neill said, putting the phone up.

"Though the one I saw in my office trying to take a grenade I had borrowed from the kid did say they were creating him a birthday present," McGarrett said with a slight shrug. "If they do deal with energy flows then I'm guessing you've probably got more than one pretty area today, General." The general glared at him. He stared back. "General, I've seen tougher hookers," he said bluntly. "I'm a SEAL. I've seen worse than your glare, sir, to be blunt." Jack burst out laughing but nodded.

"I think Clay dated that one," Jake quipped. "Was she crazy?"

"Not when I met her during training," Steve quipped. "She had been a DI but fell to a drug thing."

Jack nodded. "I've met a few of those. They can glare you into shrinking away from them," he agreed. "I set up one to talk to Vala about her training for me too." He grinned at Hank, who was now glaring at him. "Buck up, at least it's useful and pretty, Landry."

"It's interfering...."

"It's helping, sir," Colonel Carter said from the doorway. "All the strange wobbling that have been driving our computers batty in the sciences is now gone. The gate's not using as much energy or outputting needless heat and energy. Whatever the whatevers did helped a lot."

"Gremlins," Steve said with a grin. "Hi, Steve McGarrett, other uncle and SEAL, ma'am."

"Colonel Samantha Carter." She smiled as she shook his hand. "I've met Xander. He's a sweet, dirty minded little kid."

"Yeah, he can be, but he keeps it down around my teammates. One's *real* protective of his daughter, who is like his big sister now." He grinned. "He doesn't even get to swear around Danny."

"Is he the loud New Jersey guy he talked about?" she asked. Steve smirked and nodded. "Good! He needs more like that."

"I put him with a former one of us, Carter," Jack said smugly. "He might get to swear now and then but he'll help him modulate it in public. Though we do have to finish getting that social worker help since she came after Xander about when the NID showed up to take samples." She shuddered. "Steppuppy," he said bluntly. "And her family." McGarrett shuddered. "Yeah, messy, but NID so not all that big of a loss."

"I've met a few of them. They reminded me of the dementors in _Harry Potter_," Steve admitted. Jake stared at him. "Grace demanded I read it." He grinned at him for that. "I love that kid. She's neat. Even better than her dad. She doesn't quite have his temper but has his sense."

"Can he go back to Hawaii now?" Landry asked him.

"No, sir. We split custody between myself and O'Neill, with Jake showing up when he's not on duty to play. Frankly most of my team is looking forward to trying to make him a bit more normal so he can hide the hunting when he's an adult again."

Jack nodded. "I can agree with that approach. Janet's trying the same thing."

Carter nodded as she walked off. "Good luck with that project, sirs."

"This kid is doing insane things that are bothering my base," Landry complained.

O'Neill stared at him. "The last I knew this was *my* base, Landry." He flinched back away from him. "And yeah, Xander's a tiny bit insane but next to what we deal with daily? He's not jack to what we went through our first five years. You haven't lived until you've been made to bear live snakes." McGarrett and Jake both shuddered at that mental image. "At least it got cleared up, boys."

"I'll volunteer Roque for that so I *never* have to live that down for eternity. Because Pooch would never let me forget that, even if it I was suicidal because of it," Jake complained.

"With how that happened...." Jack started. "He'd probably want to forget it anyway." He patted him on the arm. "We've beaten most of those sort, Jake. We have worse enemies now but they can't create a possessed state. They just kill you or eat you."

"Well, thank God for that," Steve said dryly. "Glad I'm a normal SEAL, sir," he said at O'Neill's pointed look. He grinned. "I'd hate to see what your enemies would do in the Sandbox."

Jack smirked back. "Don't tempt me to release a wraith into an insurgent's camp, McGarrett. It'd be at least slightly evil of me."

"Sometimes evil is fun but not usually a good idea," Jake said. "Clay said that when he made me quit hacking the NSA to take out the torturing freaks they have in their basements." He grinned. "I can try that on the NID but you'd have to make the team leave me alone for a few days."

"Don't tempt me, Jake. Really, just don't tempt me. I'd lend you help." Jake grinned and bounced some. "I'm going to introduce you to Kusangi the next time she's down here."

"She's a goddess and I'll probably worship at her delicate little toes, General. Plus maybe put her on one of those carried chairs and help her dress in fancy gold headdresses and a pretty kimono. The top level of hackers have *all* heard of her." He grinned. "I had a totally hacked picture of her once when I was learning how to hack."

"I'll have to tell her that. It'll make her week." He grinned at Landry. Who was growling. Then he suddenly changed. "Okay, who did the magic."

Steve looked then picked up the small human. "I don't know, General. I don't see anything down there. Can gremlins do that?"

"Not from what the books said, but they might have had help creating some of those art pieces," Jake said. "There's artificers who fuse magic and tech together."

"That's an evil idea," Jack said. He picked up Landry. "Let's get you somewhere safer and I'll let the higher ups know that you're indisposed for the moment." He walked off. "Go home, McGarrett."

"You guys brought me," he called after him. Carter waved him out while she called someone. They sent him home. "Thanks," he called with a smile and a wave. He stared at Danny. "It's beautiful artwork. The gremlins did a fantastic job. That grenade statue moves. All of it moves in response to energy output."

"Huh," he said with a nod. "That's...pretty weird actually. But probably pretty." He stared at him. "Everyone all right out there? Xander sent a text saying that he heard that magic was going on out there and he was worried."

"Nah, it's mostly fine. The main base's general is now about action figure height but otherwise it's all right." Danny winced, shaking his head as he walked off. "It's all really beautifully done. Almost organic but it's all extra pieces of machines."

Danny held up a hand. "Probably classified."

"Only where," he admitted. "Gremlins aren't classified." He went to join with his team to talk about their next case. Thankfully he was not a general, he did not have to deal with higher ups, and O'Neill could chew ass if he had to deal with them himself. Though he would have to ask the general about how to handle the classified stuff they did in relation to the kid and what Danny and the team could hear about from him. He wasn't sure their version of 'classified' was the same definition Xander used. He sent that text message to Jake's phone so he could bring it up. The general was probably still out there.

***

Jake looked at his phone and groaned. "O'Neill." He tossed over the phone. "It's a good point."

Jack read it and grimaced but nodded. "He's right. What we'd consider classified the kid might not so that team might end up hearing strange things." He answered it back then threw the phone back. Landry was glaring at him. "Xander knew what we did beforehand, he learned from his kitten poker contacts. Apparently we're hot gossip in the underground demon communities," he said dryly. "McGarrett was right to consider what the kid might spill by accident."

"How does he know anything?" the general demanded.

"Because the demon gossip network not only encompasses at least sixty species, but also two other planes' version of the CIA," Jake told him. "I learned a lot about Atlantis when I was playing in Sunnydale for information on that apocalypse battle just because they heard I was helping protect Xander. He probably knows a lot he's not saying, General."

"He's seven, no one will listen to a child," Landry decided.

"Except for the fact that his other uncle is a SEAL on detached duty in Hawaii," Jack said sarcastically. "With a few cops that help him with the kid." Landry scowled. Jack shrugged. "I'll figure out how far to brief them. Frankly, if we're having a huge problem, I'm going to ask him to step in to help. He's about as crazy as some of ours are." He looked at Jake. "Your sister might have the same problem?"

"As far as I know she doesn't play kitten poker," he said, grinning at the general. "But she does hack and is holding up Kusangi as a goddess role model to my niece. Personally I'd like my niece to end up more like Radek is supposed to be according to the science squads. I'd rather not have her forcibly recruited for her hacking skills." Jack winced. "I was given a slight choice. It was some branch of the military or the NSA. I'd hate to loathe myself that way."

Jack nodded. "Can we use them somehow?"

"You'd have to pay her, General. She's not really happy with her mundane identity being a drone at an insurance company. My niece is bored stupid in school too. They're coming out here and I'm going to introduce the kid to them. The same way McGarrett introduced Danny's daughter so he had some other kids who knew he was weird but didn't really care but liked him anyway."

"Yeah, that's not a bad idea. If I had a kid around his age I'd do the same thing," Jack agreed. He considered it. "How good is your sister."

Jake grinned. "Better than I am. My niece will be my level, sir."

"Great. We might be able to use her a lot." He nodded once. "Pooch's wife?"

"She's a really nice, normal, loud wife sort who swats Clay for dating, Roque for bringing knives into her house, and me for babbling while cooking for her pookie bear. Her soon-to-be son is probably going to be like his daddy instead of the rest of the team. Coug's family are all normals too."

Jack O'Neill smiled but nodded. "We can probably work around that. Would his wife like to meet the kid?"

"We've already introduced the topic and shown her pictures. She thinks he's adorable and needs help the same way Doctor Janet does."

"Doctor Lam has the same feeling but she's a bit creeped out by all this. It's too weird for her."

"You'd think she would've been used to abnormal consider being here," Jake quipped.

"Yeah, you would. She'll lose that sometime soon." He looked at Landry, who was Doctor Lam's father. "Just like Fraser did." He looked at Jake again. "Do we think that your sister is going to warp the kid?"

"Probably. Then again Xander had a flashback one day to those girls of his making him help them shop. We were going for a few t-shirts and a few pairs of jeans when he suddenly aged. He had a huge flashback at the shoe store we had to take him out to the car for almost an hour until he could calm down. He and Clay talked about it and even Clay got grossed out how they treated him like a retarded girl who didn't know how to do girl things. Then put him down as being a normal guy."

Jack winced. "I'll let David hear that. Maybe he can help. He grew up as the only brother to three sisters if I remember right." He rubbed his forehead. "That one kid out in Hawaii?"

"She's totally cool, thinks that Xander's the neatest little guy who she can practice mom things on, and her mom thinks the same way Doctor Fraser does now from what I've heard. They only introduced him to the team and Danny's ex-wife and kid. That's who they'd be around most of the time. The extended family knows he's around thanks to a cookout but they don't *know*."

"Even better. All right, I'll talk with someone about that team hearing some limited things so they can call if something like our problems appear out there."

"Too late," Jake quipped with an evil grin. "He found a snaked being and called Doctor Fraser directly, sir."

"Fuck," Jack said, looking amused. "When?"

"Last month. He told me he didn't tell Xander just in case he knew them too. Apparently Xander has a lot of strange contacts."

Jack nodded. "Yeah. He appears to. Did the whole team know?"

"Not sure."

"I'll ask him later. That makes it more important that they hear something but not everything."

"The president will hate that," Landry said.

"The president's heard about Xander. He asked me for pictures," Jack said. "And he laughed about McGarrett being the other uncle." Landry glared. Jack shrugged. "He'd probably agree that it's partially necessary, just to make sure they don't ever want to talk about stuff the kid hears and tells."

"With his old contacts from kitten poker, he might know about the city than we do," Jake agreed. "He told Daniel where an ancient demon library was so he could ask them if they had anything on the city."

"Can we take out that information pipeline?" Landry demanded.

"No," the other two said together.

"I'd like to know how they know so much about us," Jack said. Jake texted someone and got an answer back, holding up his phone as he sat forward. Jack read and groaned, kicking a wall. "Yeah, I'd worry about us turning into them too if they don't know us."

"From what I've heard, they used to just watch your team in awe, General. Apparently your version of crazy white guy syndrome made them think of some ancient warriors."

Jack smiled, shaking his head. "Great. Do we know anything on them?"

"Doctor Fraser got books from Mr. Giles about how demons were there sneering at the Ancients."

Jack stiffened, staring at him. "What?"

He nodded with a grin. "Xander told her how the Ancients who took the ancient demon gods' identities got them."

Jack picked up the desk phone to call the infirmary. "These new books," he said when Doctor Lam answered. "Yes, those. Has Daniel seen them? Good. Thanks, Lam. Yup, we're talking about him now. Not sure. Thanks." He hung up. "She wanted to know if he had any strange reactions to meds like vaccines."

"I'm not sure my half-sister got him his shots," Jake admitted. "She was a pretty hard failure in life and as a mother, sir."

"We can ask the kid." He called Daniel. "Come report to us about those new books." He hung up. "We'll see."

Daniel knocked then walked in. "The histories from the ancient demon societies are seriously worrying. Did you know that some of our current deserts weren't then? They apparently had a magical war." He put his notes down. "Yes, there were known demon deities that had the names that the Ancients took on to become our pantheons. Janus was seriously more twisted than ours was. He hid three cities to confuse some princess' boyfriend basically because he was bored and he thought she needed some challenges to grow up. She magically called down some sort of lava creature to eat him. He relented and told her boyfriend where she was so he could fix her bad mood as it was put." He grinned. "And then he froze their palace out of time and space just before they both hit their high points so they couldn't be formally consummated. They're still frozen just before they orgasm apparently."

Jack blinked a few times. "Yeah, our Janus would've just picked on them somehow."

"The one that chaos sorcerers pray to might be that one," Jake said. "One of the high priests of Janus turned everyone in Sunnydale into their costumes they bought from him one year. That's how Xander got military training."

Jack and Daniel both stared at him. "Damn," Daniel said. "Okay, yeah, it's probably the original instead of the Ancient One." He handed Jack the notes and walked off nodding. "Going for coffee."

"Thanks, Space Monkey," Jack called. He read them over, handing them to Jake when his head started to hurt.

"I wonder if one of them can verify which one they're praying to," Jake said. Clay knocked and entered at the grunt. "We're talking about ancient demons versus ancients."

Clay shook his head. "I don't need to know unless we have to go rescue someone like Vala or Jackson from them. Your sister's in town with your niece and Jolene. They escorted her out." He looked at Landry then at O'Neill. "She's due soon, Generals. Within two weeks."

"You'll still be in orientation then," Landry told him.

O'Neill nodded. "Probably, yup. Unless we have a massive problem. Have they figured out where to live?"

"Yup. That's one reason why the rest of the Jensens showed up to help. His niece really loves to help people paint rooms."

"She is a bit weird that way." He grinned at him. "We were talking about the kid's poker and information contacts."

"I'd like to have that sort of pipeline but playing kitten poker creeps me out," Clay told them. "Mostly because the demons are weirder than I'm used to. At least most of the aliens we run into are humanish. Tentacles are creepy, generals."

"Yeah, I'd agree with that," Jake quipped.

"Ditto," Jack said. "Colonel, we're concerned that the kid's version of classified is different than ours."

"I'd say it's pretty likely, though he does understand keeping things from people to protect them."

"But if he needs to talk about stuff, Steve's team is mostly just cops," Jake reminded him. "And Danny's ex and kid."

"Point." Clay considered it. "McGarrett's a SEAL. He knows the meaning of the word classified. I'm pretty sure his team would too, General. The little tough hotass and her male cousin aren't really going to be more than fond uncle and aunt sorts. The loud one can talk to his own daughter about not talking about anything the kid might slip and tell her. We can remind the kid that she shouldn't know and tell him who can know."

"That was my thought," Jack said. "All right, we can do that. Think we can use Jensen's sister?"

"Please give her something to do before she gets into a Swiss system again, General. The last time agents came to growl at her and his niece hit one with a hot iron. They weren't amused."

Jensen smirked at him. "NID showed up to gather samples against Xander's will. He called in a debt and Steppuppy. In front of the social worker there to harass him."

"We've gotten her help," Jack told him. "And erased that memory before she finished her vendetta to have him drugged."

"It'd probably just make him worse. It did when they tried it on me," Jake said with a smug look. "The judge that the social worker went to ordered her to stop it before I set her on fire."

Clay nodded. "That so figures," he mouthed to O'Neill, who was shaking his head. "We can talk to the kid about that."

"I will. It's my duty as his uncle. I'll brief those too as well. I can't believe they found a gou'ld down here."

"It was probably on vacation," Jake quipped.

"Probably," Clay agreed.

Jack nodded. "Probably trying to pick up a new host body." He looked at Landry, who was rubbing his head. "It could be a lot worse. The kid could've mentioned it in the mall or something."

"Getting that kid into a mall requires valium," Clay said bluntly. "Those women screwed him up hard, General."

"I heard about his flashback and panic attack. I'll warn his guardian."

"I'm going over to play the next time we have downtime," Jake said.

"That's fine. He's a good playmate," Jack said. "We ran around the park the last time." He took the notes back. "Dismissed, guys." They went back to their rooms to call Jensen's sister and Pooch's wife. "Let me go do that." He left, leaving Landry to moan and bitch about things. He was pretty good at it really. He went to find Xander first, finding him on the front porch staring at the traffic going on. "Hey." Xander grinned at him. "Bored?"

"Paint fumes."

"That happens." He sat down next to him. "Do those chaos sorcerers know they're praying to ancient demons?"

"Some may but probably not. Why?"

"It freaked some people out."

Xander nodded. "Yeah, it can do that. So do most demon things."

"True. That brings up a point. You know you can't talk about what you hear about us?"

Xander grimaced. "Some of it might be necessary. I heard last year when you guys were all but overrun."

"In those things, or if you get bothered by one of them, we'll prep McGarrett and Danny so you can talk to them. The same as you can about all the stuff you used to do. I'm pretty sure they'd understand the hunting stuff."

"They said they would but it's a bit worse and stranger than being a soldier."

"Yeah but my people deal with freaky things weekly and I'm going to be talking to those two about the minor things so they know when to call me because they run into another gou'ald out there."

"That was freaky." Xander looked at him. "I won't be telling everyone, Jack."

"I know that. You're used to keeping some things secret to protect yourself and others. I know some things could probably be heard safely but not yet."

Xander nodded. "I can agree with that. Better than therapy, which I could probably use sometimes thanks to the bitches."

"They try to call?"

"No. Angel tried to call." He looked at his uncle. "To tell me that Willow no longer remembered I was alive but he still did so he'd be watching out for whatever I ended up doing. I'm going to stake his ass."

Jack smirked at the kid, ruffling his hair. "Yeah, that'd get me too." David leaned out of the house, paint on his cheek. "We're talking about who can know slightly classified things if he needs to talk."

"That's fine, General. You're his uncle, you can come play with him." He looked at Xander. "Aren't we both supposed to be painting your room?"

"I thought you were doing yours." He looked at Jack, who followed him inside to help them paint. Though the demon appearing with a present got glared at by Jack until he got the clue and left for a while. David shook his head. "The hell goddess who thinks he's cute," he told the general. "If I find her, I'll help the kid kill her hard."

"We'll have to see if the grenade statue the gremlins left will help with that."

"You don't move gremlin artwork or they get upset and break stuff," Xander said. "They get really pouty if you move their artwork."

Jack sent that message to Landry and the others. "Thanks for that, kid. They decorated a few rooms on the base."

"It's usually really pretty and shows how they feel the power flows," Xander quipped.

"They made us a grenade statue that moves with excess energy," Jack quipped back. He showed him pictures. "Steve said one told him they were making you a birthday present. We thought those were that."

"It's cute," Xander said, grinning at David. "We can make one of those."

"You need more grenades for that," David said dryly. "If so, yeah we can. Do a research paper on how to build one, kiddo." Xander rolled his eyes. "You need to do the educational stuff anyway," he said with a grin. "Suck it up. McKay wanted you to get a PhD."

"Ewww."

"Yup," Jack said with a nod. "Just do what you do best and do your best. We'll hold him off most of the time. Besides, he's in Pegasus again."

"I guess I can do that. I'm actually pretty good at research stuff." Jack ruffled his hair again. They got back to painting then Jack helped make dinner. He was pretty good at guy cooking.

***

Jack appeared where McGarrett's tracker said he was, nodding at the whole team there for dinner. They had all seen them beaming McGarrett before so he only got a few nods of greeting from the group as they ate. "Gotta talk to the guys, sorry. Steve, Danny?"

"Me?" Danny asked, looking amused.

"Yeah. We've already had a talk with the kid about his idea of classified versus ours." Steve winced. "Then we find out you guys handled something in our project a while back. Can we talk?"

"We can use the back porch, General," Steve said, bringing his beer with him. "Won't take long, guys. Don't hog all the gellato." He and Danny went out back with the general. "I've kept to non-classified information anytime I had to share," Steve said quietly as he sat down.

Jack nodded. "We appreciate you know what classified means. Xander's version is 'to protect people from freaking out'. Which we understand and we get that. David and I agreed that we're not fully keeping things from him. We really can't. David has some horrible nightmares the kid's already heard, plus his own poker contacts have told him *alllll* about us." He sighed, looking at Danny. "A little over a year after he joined your team, you guys actually ran into one of our problem species out here hunting for a new host body."

"Host body?" Danny asked.

"That's why I'm here." He handed him a folder. "He already knew more than you do." He looked at McGarrett. "We'll let you know how to handle things and give you a number to call in case of problems if you can't get me. Sometimes I do go off-world."

Steve nodded. "It's a bit insane, sir, but I get how important it is. From what I've heard, mostly due to Xander's contacts, you've got to handle insane shit that saves us all. I'm all for that approach but I'm too sane to help you guys."

Jack smiled. "It does take a special soldier to be one of the mountain's troops."

Danny looked up from reading. "I'm reading about ancient history?"

"You're reading about the people that put gateways around in a lot of places. My project uses those."

Danny nodded. "Why?"

"We wanted to learn, see if there was things out there that could help us. And then we found out we already had enemies. Then someone started a machine and it brought another one." He smirked a tiny bit. "The first is the sort you ran into on that beach. The second is like a telepreacher who'll kill you if you don't believe as they do."

"Charming!" He went back to reading, shaking his head. He finally ran into the species reports and frowned. "Huh?" He pointed for Jack's benefit.

"Yeah, if a female gou'ald possesses you, it can make you lay eggs. It's creepy."

Danny nodded. "That's so gross."

"Yup. And queens put our high pheromones that make men stupidly follow them as their soldiers. We haven't met one that can resist it. Maybe Sheppard with his DNA taint. Maybe Harris with his."

Danny frowned. "Boobs do many things but this is worse?"

"Yeah. There's no way of fighting it if they're putting it out. It literally bypasses your mind and makes you drool on her and do her will no matter what you want to do. If you run into those, let the women handle it."

"Kono would do killer at it," Danny agreed, going back to it. He paused. "Whoa, hold on. One of these is at Grace's school." He pointed. "By that name actually."

"That's good to know. We'll investigate it." Jack made himself a note and Steve wrote down the school's address. "That could be a huge problem."

"Yes it will be if they warp my daughter," Danny assured him. "I'll turn into Super SEAL there and make sure she's fine."

Steve grinned at Jack. "He isn't too bad at it." Danny hit him on the arm but went back to reading. "What are the chances that more will show up here?"

"Probably not high but you are a prime vacation spot, McGarrett. I'm not sure how that Ori happened onto here."

"Okay. We can keep it in mind and Kono can put in a subtle computer command to route anything about that to our desks without having to know why."

"That's fine. If you need them to, Jake can help with that or his sister can apparently."

"That's good to know," Danny agreed, flipping pages. He frowned. "That's creepy."

Jack looked then nodded. "Yeah but there's worse. Where his new other uncles serve, much worse and if they get down here, we'll need help killing them all since they eat human energy."

Steve scowled. "Seriously?"

"Yeah. Like put a hand on you and suck you into old age. We have film where one of the new uncles got eaten by a different group that had one of them and him hostage."

"Fuck," Steve said.

"They show up, we've got the warehouse and he can play poker for more," Danny said. He paused in reading. "Is that who that is?"

Jack nodded. "Yeah. That's them."

"The kid mentioned something about that city. Said it was beautiful but tragic."

"Yeah, and slightly sentient. I'm kinda hoping the kid will take over on the city when he's regrown."

Steve took those to look at, frowning. "I thought that was a myth."

"It was, it's just in another galaxy." He shrugged. "Whole lots of shit out there."

Steve handed it back. "What do I need to know about special abilities and weapons?"

"Only the female gou'alds have special skills. Priors, the priests, can warp your mind. Some have shown some projective gifts."

"Okay, so any mind screwing, we cuff 'em or beat 'em, then call you," Danny agreed, handing the folder back. "The kid knows how much?"

"We're not sure. When I asked he told me some but I'm pretty sure he's holding back."

"Probably," Steve agreed. "We can be aware of it and let him talk to us if he needs to. Or David does." He stared at the general. "Have you heard that the old R&R hospital is open for grabs?"

"I hadn't," Jack admitted. "Why?"

"The base built a better, new one."

"It might help some of ours who're healing," Jack agreed. "I'll talk to Landry about it. He's going a bit insane right now."

"Demon hunting would do that to most of us," Danny told him. "Gave me a few nightmares and I've only read some stuff about it. Especially when we found those demon worms in the liquor that weren't dead."

Steve shuddered. "That was freaky." Jack pulled a picture up on his phone, showing them. "Yeah, that looks like them."

"That's a gou'ald," he said smugly. "In liquor?"

"Yeah. We got called to the ER because the kid was freaking out and they thought she had been drugged. She said it was because she had drank the worm and it was talking to her, telling her how she could do things," Danny said. "They removed the worm and it disappeared. Someone in the ER thought it was somehow drugged beyond the liquor and maybe something like trafficking."

"Where is that worm?" Jack asked.

"No clue. It disappeared from the hospital," Steve said.

"The surgeon?"

"Never checked," Steve admitted. He leaned back. "Chin, check on that surgeon who did that drugged worm thing," he called.

Chin leaned out a few minutes later. "He's missing, presumed retired to drink himself to death after ten years as an ER surgeon. Why?"

"We think that worm was something after all," Steve said with a grin. "Something seriously weird and yet bad."

"Great. Do we have to track him down?"

"I can have someone do it," Jack said with a grin. "General Jack O'Neill."

"Chin Ho Kelly." He waved. "My cousin Kono is inside. Are we helping hunt that guy down?"

"He's the other uncle for the kid," Danny said.

"Ah!" He grinned at the general. "Good luck. He's a bit weird but fun." He went back to tell his cousin that. She waved and smiled at him too. Jack waved back with a grin.

Danny smirked at Steve. "If one of those come for me, I'm going to bring you with me."

"Yeah, yeah," he agreed, smiling slightly. "If you get infected, we'll get you cured before your daughter figures it out."

"We can cure that, but it may cause some health issues," Jack said. "And some self loathing at what it makes you do."

"He's too stubborn to give in to any worm's ideas," Steve told him. "He even out-stubborns me. If I find him being that weird I'll check him."

"Back of the neck or the stomach," Jack said. "A little tail sticking out of the back of the neck or an opening on the stomach."

Steve leaned over to look at Danny's neck, getting hit at instead. "Sorry, had to make sure."

"Shut up."

Jack smiled. "You guys remind me so much of my team when I was going out to save the universe. Only you don't have an anthropologist running at trouble."

Danny looked at him. "If you did more insane stuff than that guy," he said with a point at Steve. "You should probably get some help for that."

"Probably, yeah, but the president said there's no telling any shrinks." He grinned. "We just talk to each other. Like the kid does."

Steve nodded. "Yeah, there's not a lot of base shrinks who could handle possessions." He shifted in his seat. "Can we help in any other way, General?"

"Just help make the kid calm down and let go of the anger at being short again. David said he's still really, really mad about that."

"I would be too," Danny agreed. "Most people would be at being made a kid again."

Steve nodded. "My swearing would know no end."

"Ditto," Jack agreed. "David's good. He was one of mine. He's seen a lot of shit that even the kid would say was insane. Then he got hurt and retired to go to college."

Both of them nodded. "We can help him," Danny assured him. "Not a problem."

"Thanks, guys. Have a good rest of the night." He got up and took the folder with him. He got beamed back from a shadowy, unseen area.

Steve and Danny shared a look. "At least we have people who can handle the nuts things doing the creepy stuff," Danny decided.

Steve nodded. "General O'Neill isn't the guy to let something bad happen around him. Rumors state he was special forces too." He got up and they went back inside.

"Why are we wondering about that doc, Brah?" Kono asked.

"The stuff in that worm is classified," Steve said. "Highly classified." She nodded, accepting that. Chin nodded too and stuffed his mouth with cake.

"Apparently the kid knows more about some classified stuff than we thought, so the general had to let us know when we were getting close to it," Danny told them.

"The demon poker circuit in town has some intel that even the CIA can't get," Steve quipped.

"You have fun playing with them," Kono quipped. "They keep trying to grope me. I'd hate to have to take them out by ripping tentacles off them."

Chin smiled. "I cut one's tentacle that tried to grope my thigh. She pouted for hours."

Steve smiled. "They respect me for the asshole I am."

Danny snorted, hitting him on the arm. "Yeah. They probably run from the tattoos." He sat down to eat.

Steve sat down in his seat and got back to dinner. They could handle insane things.

***

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