Notes: Let's see how I can mangle this one.




Xander Harris, head watcher in Africa, tipped his head to pop his neck as he hung up his cellphone. "There's no answer. The US is either shutting down or in a wreck so we have to deal with this ourselves." He sniffed and grimaced. "What is that stink? Who's wearing the Axe body spray that soured?" Everyone looked clueless. Xander looked at one of the soldiers. "Take your dog around to hunt demon stink?" The soldier nodded, doing that. He ran into one of the higher ups and the dog sat to stare at him.

"Hmm." Xander walked over. "Change." The higher up sneered. Xander slugged him. The demon changed back to his real form. "Well, fuck, you're not a demon." He took a picture and sent it to a few contacts. Only one had any idea. And it wasn't a Watcher. "And he's an alien. Well...." He shot him in the head, killing him. "That solves that problem and we'll figure it out after this battle." He looked at the soldier. "How many other dogs are training to find demon stink?"

"Three others," he said, sounding respectful.

"Okay. Make sure they're scent trained for that guy's people. There's no such thing as a *good* shape changer as far as I know. They all cause huge problems." He ran his hand through his hair and adjusted his eye patch. "After this. First, we have an invasion." He went to look at the portal. He saw someone weird and walked down there. "Hola," he said bluntly, staring at the warrior. And he was an old style warrior. "Are you Asgardian?"

"I do not know you," he said bluntly.

Xander held out a hand. "Xander Harris, head Watcher in Africa for the *new* Watchers Council."

The warrior shook it. "We have heard how you changed things, Watcher Harris."

"Thank you. The old guys are all assholes." The warrior nodded. "We're going to be having a battle here soon. A very overcrowded realm is coming here to snack and take over."

"Worse than the one on the news last month?"

"Yeah, worse than the one in LA a few years back too." The warrior grimaced. "But at least we can shoot these." The warrior relaxed and smiled. "If you're here helping us battle it, anything weird, yell over if you can and I'll tell you if you need to behead them instead."

"That's fine. Higher weapons?"

"I *so* wish. The local military doesn't have many. I have none because I used it all on that stupid hell goddess last week. Oh, and we just found an alien."

"Like from space?" he demanded, looking confused.

"Yeah, apparently. A shape changer."

"I will look on that one after this battle to tell my people."

"Thank you." He shook his hand again. "Take some rest while we can." He looked at the portal, taking notes from what the special program on his phone was telling him. That way he could make a report later. He did include the alien's presence because he wasn't sure if it was relevant. Thankfully that one contact had been Asgardian but banished so he knew what his species was called. He put his phone up when the portal started to open, going back to grab his weapons from his pickup truck. He came back, waving the soldiers forward to deal with it. They showed up. The portal blasted open and he waved.

"Shoot 'em," he called. "As soon as they come over. Remember, they want to eat us all!" The soldiers let out a yell and opened fire with him. The warrior nodded, joining in. When other demons showed up Xander pointed at two. "The green ones you behead," he yelled. "The blue one you set on fire!" The warrior nodded, working on that with Xander's help. The soldiers could fire at the others all they wanted. It took more skill to behead than to shoot. A ship started to land and he looked then huffed.

"Don't hit the portal with any energy!" he bellowed. "It'll rip and stay open! It'll take specific application of explosives and someone's already doing it!" The guy flying off nodded at that information. "Behead the green, set the blue on fire, shoot the rest!" The man in the armor nodded at that, joining in. Xander looked at the warrior, shrugging some. The explosives guy finally managed it and the portal twisted and sucked a bit but closed with a snap of noise. Xander panted, leaning down to catch his breath. "I hate this shit. Battles suck."

The warrior laughed but nodded. "Aye, it does, Watcher Harris."

Xander grinned at him. "At least we have some weapons and we're not naked. That was in my first month in Africa." The warrior laughed again. "Go use the medics," he said. He looked at the soldiers. "Medics, people. Thankfully you brought some with you. Please use them before your higher ups decide to bitch at me again?" A few laughed but went to the medical tent. Xander walked over to the guy in armor. "Colonel, nice to have you join us."

"We heard you tried to call SHIELD but they just fell the other day thanks to HYDRA."

"Fuck HYDRA. I blew up one of their bases last month for trying to take one of my mini slayers." He grinned slightly. "They were not happy when I turned their shit on them. Though I should've stolen weapons." He waved behind him. "Go use medical, get readings on the alien guy we found."

"Alien?"

"A banished Asgardian said the shape changer's race is called Skrull?" Xander shrugged. "Shape changers are never good so I shot that one."

"How did you find him?"

"He stunk like soured Axe body spray. The demon sensing dogs could sense him too."

"That's good to know. Let me go take pictures and readings."

"Sure. Better to have it known. I doubt there's only one down here. There never is just one."

"Probably not," the Colonel agreed, heading for the medical tent and then the alien they have quarantined. The warriors was taking pictures of him too. "Taking it back to your people?" he asked quietly.

"Yes. We need to know about aliens." He looked at him. "American?"

"Colonel Rhodes, Iron Patriot," he said with a nod. The warrior nodded at that. "Are you usually around here?"

"Few countries over," he admitted with a smile for the man. "I was traveling to work on a treaty for business."

Xander walked in. "If you were going to that corporation in the next country that's supposedly pro-African, it's run by an Asian guy who keeps female sex slaves." He sighed when the warrior stared at him. "Just warning, dude. He's been stealing girls out of the Philippines and Thailand by what some of my poker contacts said. They warned me so I could protect one of my slayers from him. We're working on getting him down but I had to stop that to deal with a twin set of problems last month that were smuggling things and tried to keep me."

Colonel Rhodes stared at him oddly. "Does that happen to you often?"

"Yeah. Only the evil ones like me." He grinned. "It's great stress relief and sometimes they're even helpful getting me things for the slayers."

The warrior just nodded. "I was not going to his company but I'll let others know that there's rumors of him doing that. Maybe others can get him down."

Xander punched him on the arm with a grin. "That'd be great help, thanks. After this I have an idiot who decided to turn into a major demon in a week. I have to figure out what I'm blowing up to kill him." He looked at the alien. "According to the Asgardian I sometimes play poker with, his people are called Skrulls.

"They're shape changers and they're not good sorts. They're wanna be conquerors. This one took the form of a higher level military officer." He looked at the watching soldier. "They could have the one he was trying to pretend to be hostage. Sometimes they do keep them alive in case. Apparently their whole species can do anyone as long as they've seen them to model themselves after them." That got a nod and he called that in. "No idea if there's more here or where they might be. I'll ask around after dinner."

"That's fine, Watcher Harris," the soldier said. "Our general is very unamused and has ordered the dogs to scent any more out in the military."

"Sure. Thanks for the help." He grinned. "Saves me some work." He finished his report and sent it in. "There, all reported in. Now I have to go deal with an ascended demon's death soon. Colonel, if you want to conveniently show up, it's next Wednesday during the eclipse and it'll be in upper South Africa. They know but don't want to handle it themselves because they consider it creepy."

"I'll warn others to see if we can jump in. How do we kill that one?"

"Cut the giant worm demon's head off." He grinned. "We beheaded one in a school."

"Eww."

"Well, yeah," Xander agreed. "Giles has copies of that battle if someone wanted to see it."

"I can do that. Thanks, Harris." He shook his hand. "Let me get back to my people before they complain."

"Have fun with them. The military hates our girls. Apparently being saved by young women makes the US military feel like weenies." Colonel Rhodes grinned as he walked off to fly back. Xander looked at the soldier then the warrior. "I'm heading south if you need a ride."

"I left my car nearby."

"Okay." He shook his hand. "Be safe and have fun. We all need more fun in our lives." The soldier saluted. Xander grinned at him. "I'm not military. Quit treating me like I'm some political sucking higher up." The soldier grinned. "Call if you need me. I'll forward the report to your people once I charge the phone." He shook his hand and walked off to get into his truck.

The warrior looked at the soldier. "He is very interesting."

"He is," he agreed. "We enjoy working with him to save ourselves and ignoring that we had a battle."

"Our higher ups would as well." He shook his hand and left, going to his car to call on his way to his business meeting.

The soldier reported in that they were both safely away and the field was clear to be cleaned up. The higher ups in the government kept careful track of every demon problem they had so they could figure out how to stop them. Though they were usually amused by Watcher Harris.

***

"It's the Black Panther," a woman said in awe near Xander in the marketplace he was getting something from.

Xander looked at the cat in his bag then at the woman. "No, her name is Nuri. She's my slayer's pet." The woman looked awed. He looked at the one she was staring at, nodding. "Highness. I saw you on the news. Is there something I can do to help your people?"

"Are you Watcher Harris?"

"I am. Xander Harris, head Watcher in Africa of the *new* Council." He held out a hand.

The man nodded and shook it. "We are hearing rumors of aliens being here."

"Yes. They stink like soured Axe body spray. The dogs who can sniff out other demons can find them. We found one at the battle I had last week pretending to be a general. They're shape changers named Skrull."

"Are they related to the one that attacks the Avengers?"

"Not Asgardian but alien alien."

"Huh. Then that's good. We have a meeting tomorrow afternoon."

Xander grinned. "I'd probably move it from the area, Sire." The king glared at him. "We have a demon ascending during the eclipse. We'll have to behead something that's about fifty yards long." The King shuddered. "That looks like a giant worm." The cat in his bag jumped down. "Oh no you don't, Nuri." He captured the cat after two grabs and held it up to look at it.

"Your human would cry on me if you got lost and hurt. So you stay in the bag. I'll buy you a new toy." He put him into the bag again and zipped it most of the way. "I'm picking him up from her aunt to give back to her. She's seven." He bought a few cat toys. Nuri refused one so he handed the tiny, jingly fish toy to the King. "Since sometimes you're a cat, something you can tease it with." He grinned.

"You are quite a smartass." He smirked at the younger guy. He was amused by this insane white man who handled battles like a warrior would.

Xander grinned and nodded. "Yes I am. It's the only fun I get outside poker games these days." He walked off. "Be safe tomorrow. He'll be out by the ocean from what we've noticed him planning."

"I can take care of myself, Watcher Harris."

Xander grinned. "The head has to come off. It won't die and they can shake off bullet wounds. Giles has a film of one that the Slayer Buffy took out if you need to view it."

"I'll consider that. Thank you. Can you talk tomorrow about my people's demon community?"

"You have two. One's a farming village. One's up in the mountains as monks. They're pretty badass warrior monks but they're guarding things they consider holy. The farming village are mostly peaceful but won't put up with humans bothering them too much so they'll turn them into stew. Usually they grow goats for food."

The king nodded at that. "Then they're not harmful?"

"Most beings are peaceful if they're left alone," Xander said with a smile for him. "The monks would protect their area if you asked. The farmers would probably fight for you if you needed them to, but if something's too bad they'll hide instead because they're not meant to be warriors."

"I'll let my people know they're good. Thank you."

"Welcome. I enjoy the peaceful communities. They bring a lot to the world. The slayers have benefitted by working with the peaceful communities. And those ones are really tasty goats. Like the pig meat from Spain." He walked off again. "Have a safe and good meeting, Highness. Let me know if you need me for a problem."

"I will." He looked at the fish toy and sighed, walking off but putting it into his pocket. Perhaps one of his friends had cats.

The ones who had witnessed that talk were nearly swooning at how nice it had been. Watcher Harris was known as a part-time warrior. He had been politely mouthy but nice to the King. That was something to gossip about!

***

"What are you doing!" a male voice yelled as Xander lured the demon into a trap.

"He changed himself!" Xander yelled back. "He'll only die if his head comes off. He's not peaceful and he did this on purpose!" He shot the guy a glare and then turned back to the snake trying to get him. He poked it on the nose with a sword, making it rear back so Xander could move backwards. The demon tried to lunge up and land on him but landed on a land mine Xander had found. It reared up and yelled in pain. Xander threw a grenade in the open mouth and ducked down as demon goo and teeth hit his back. "Fuck. I need a higher weapon or a huge blade." A black clothed figure jumped in. "The neck is after that blue bandy place," he called, waving. "It has to come off."

"Can it be changed back?"

"He worked for forty years to do this."

"Oh. So he wanted this."

"It makes him an Old One. A pure demon." He looked over and shrugged. The demon tried to bite him so he stabbed it again, making it yelp and try to squiggle off. The Black Panther tried to get the neck area with his claws. He managed some of it. Xander hopped up on the thing's back, surfing on his movements to chop into him with the sword. He saw someone appear. "No! Get out of the way!" he bellowed. "This is an Ascended, not an Original!"

The demon nodded and fled. Xander took another swing and finally got into the spinal cord, slicing into it. He sighed as the demon died. "Great. Just another ten feet to go." He took another swing after wiping off his forehead. He finally got to work at it from the ground and looked at the superhero, shrugging some. "It's a glamorous job," he said sarcastically. "And one that gets me complained at a lot. Thank you for the help. I hope you get to duck the screaming idiot there."

He nodded at him. "Because Colonel Fury's a fucking moron with plots." The king took off his hood to stare at him. "Oh, hey, hi." He grinned and waved a bloody hand. "That guy's going to come complain some more. You should escape before you have to teach him stuff." He took another swing, cutting off more of the head. He finally got through it all and sighed in relief, leaning on his sword. "Finally!" He waved his hands to get full feeling back in it with another sigh of pleasure. "Now all I need is a bath."

"You need sense," Colonel Fury complained.

Xander turned to look at him. "I didn't see you doing it, Dumbledore. Did you want him to eat the city and grow larger?" He walked around him. "He can be set on fire."

"Kid," he demanded.

Xander turned to glare at him. "Fuck. You. I've been doing this sort of job since I was sixteen. Where were you and yours then?" He stared at him. "You had to have known because I *know* your people had a line into the old Council. We found it when we had to get the building remains cleaned up. You let teenage girls do it for you. What a hero you are," he sneered. "You were just like the old Council and let young girls do your job for you."

"You know nothing about...."

"You? Yeah I do. I have poker contacts who know more about you than you know. Hell, I have one that told me how big you were when you were born, Director Fury." He stared him down. "You let girls do your job for you. That's not a hero. That's weak." He walked off again. "I'm going to shower," he called. "The demon's dead and can be burned once whoever has a good look at it. We saw the one in Sunnydale so I'm only going to shower and get a beer!"

"Thank you, Watcher Harris," a female voice yelled back. "Our scientists want to look it over."

He grinned and waved. "Have fun!" He tossed his sword into his truck's bed and climbed in to drive off. His usual hotel in this area had great water pressure so he was a lucky guy. "At least it's not in the middle of a desert." He put the truck into gear and drove off.

Director Nick Fury of SHIELD glared at the guy's truck then at the demon. Then at the King. "You know about him?"

"Some," he agreed. "He's a strong warrior." He walked off. He heard a jingle and sighed, picking up the jingly cat fish that had fallen out of his pocket. He shook his head as he walked off. Harris was very weird but a strong warrior. He would have let someone else finish taking off the head for him. An hour of chopping with a sword was too long. Too bad his claws had been too short to be of much help.

Nick Fury stomped off to check on who that kid thought he was. What he found out reminded him of some of his former agents. And clearly the boy was insane. The files from Sunnydale were still hidden but what he saw didn't amuse him. He passed on the contact to his people in SHIELD. They sent back he was a myth so Nick Fury forwarded film.

They called it gross but said the kid was still a myth because the president said he was a myth that he was trying to debunk. Fury rolled his good eye and finished the contact report. Coulson sent back a smart comment about knowing many agents like him, unfortunately. Fury let him handle it from then on. He didn't want to deal with bad demons and it appeared they had a problem with Skrulls again. He did send on the information that Harris had found one by scent. He had no idea how.

***

Xander walked into the governmental chamber and nodded at the one who had called him. He paused and sniffed then stared in one direction. The one odd one seemed to be different. He was changing color. "I did not know that your honorable people were infected with shape shifters. Is that why I was called today?" he asked in Swahili.

"No, Watcher Harris. We are?" the speaker demanded.

"Get one of the demon sniffing dogs. Or even a sniffing dog." The guards brought one in and Xander let him sniff the vial he held of the first one he found's clothes. "Find it," he ordered. The dog handler took him around. He paused a few times but finally didn't hit. Xander stared at the two he had hesitated near. "So." One changed and attacked so Xander shot him in the head. The other one shrieked and changed as he tried to run off. The guards got him. "They die by head shot," he called. He put his gun back and looked around then at the speaker. "I hope you don't have more. From what little I know of them, they're conqueror wannabes."

The speaker blinked at him. "What are they?"

"They're called Skrulls by what I've found out." He shrugged. "We know they're aliens. They're shape changers. People in SHIELD knew about them and had a file but it's missing from the stuff that got dumped online."

"Interesting. We must talk about the demon the other day. After a break." Xander nodded and sat down, pouring himself some water to sip while they took a shuddering in the hallway break. He was used to that reaction. He had used it back in high school.

***

Xander stood in front of the camera and screens they had rigged up for him. "I sent you all vials of a certain being's scent earlier. The dogs who are trained to hunt demon scent, and even some of the better regular sniffing dogs, can find them." The people staring at him mostly nodded. He uploaded the file he had been given by that same poker contact. "This is on their species, straight from the SHIELD download. They are not good news. They're wannabe conquerors."

He grimaced. "They've been putting people in high places. I've found two senators and a general since I spotted the first one. Then today I found most of a military unit. Thankfully we were able to track them back and find the ones they had hostage, which led to six others being found out. Which is why I called." He grinned at them. "Because you all have people coming home with a report on what happened to them."

One of them pounded his fist on his desk. "What sort of demon are they?"

"Alien. Shape changing alien." The group groaned.

"How did you find them?" Giles asked.

"They stink like soured Axe body spray."

"But....." Giles started.

"Yeah, scent. Me. Remember the zoo trip?" he asked dryly, grinning at him. "The two who're changers in the Council can probably scent them too. Any beings who can smell like a tracking dog can probably smell them." Giles made that note and looked at the vial. "Those vials are mostly from the later ones today. There's some minor scent variation due to cleaning products and personal hygiene but they all carry that soured Axe body spray stink. They smell like sour, unshowered incubi." A few nodded and made notes on that. "Please have your scent dogs introduced to it? I have no idea what they're trying. If they're resource raiders or what." He shrugged. "None of them have answered when I asked. Even when I asked politely." He looked at one screen, frowning at him. "Can your stepmother's people...." He nodded. "Do they know about them?"

"Not that I've heard of but I'll gladly ask my stepmother." He looked at his camera. "What if they come for us?"

"Scent dog mandatory checks when you come in daily?"

"Not that hard to start."

Giles cleared his throat. "We have a half hellhound that the girls have adopted."

"I remember Brendy. She'll hate them like she hated Kennedy." Giles nodded and made a note of that. "I checked to make sure Kennedy wasn't a demon when she reacted that way the first time."

"I'm sure she's not, Xander," he said dryly. "Anything else to report?"

"Yeah. Three visions. Huge battle in about a month. In Wakanda. With a different form of alien god who'll try to take out half of humanity." Everyone stared at him. He sent over that file. The representative from Wakanda growled. Xander shrugged again. "Just had it earlier and went looking. Thanos." Giles flinched and stared at him in a cold, hard manner. "Coming for the stones, will be here in about three and a half weeks." Giles slumped, still staring. "One of my poker contacts was Asgardian before being banished, Giles." Giles groaned. "So we need to protect the slayers.... because they can't fight him."

"I'll talk with the coven, see if they can protect an area and move a few important beings with them."

"Have fun with the VP. I hate that man," Xander said dryly. "The rest of you need to talk to Giles after he talks to the coven about getting some areas protected."

"Do we have a death count from the vision?" the one from Wakanda asked.

"Half. Of everything and everyone," Xander said with a slight nod at the end. "Thanks to him snapping like a queen." That one swore. Xander grinned and nodded. "Yup, we all are. Get the stones and the glove. I have no idea how to fight that so I'm warning you guys so you can try to protect the most necessary. People like great doctors?" A few groaned. "I know you'd rather protect the government but if he does that, we'll need medical people and others. Because it'll be chaos."

"We can take that into account," another president said. "Are we certain we'll have it happen?"

"I haven't been wrong yet. There's a chance, the end snap was wobbly, so someone *might* be able to stop it. Not sure who but maybe." He looked at the guy from Wakanda, who was nodding as he made notes. "Small army of aliens with alien tech and alien weapons and alien purple bad guy."

"Will we know before then?" he asked, looking up from his notes.

"Shield guy will show up after one with the blonde assassin lady." He frowned. "She reminds me of Willow then she dyed her hair."

"I know of who you speak. We will be on the watch for them. Thank you for the warning."

"I'd never want anyone to go through a battle without warning. That would suck and I don't hate most humans anywhere near enough for that." He grinned slightly. "I have asked the two war capable groups of demons near you to please jump in if they can help. One may be able to help more than the other but I'm not sure and they're not sure if they can. But if they can they'll jump in."

"That is a welcome help."

Xander nodded. "Let me know if I can help in any way. I have no idea how. If I had artillery I'd help fire on them. I'm unfortunately out."

"You had artillery?" Giles demanded.

Xander stared at him and nodded. "Yeah. And then I had twin problems that I had to take out before it killed a city because some guy in the city stood them up on a date." Giles moaned. "I went through three battles after that without one." He sent the file from the battle against the ascended demon with a grin then waved and signed off before Giles could open it. Xander went to talk to his poker contacts to see if he could find out more information.

In Cleveland, Giles started to swear loudly in Latin about demons so the slayers all went to hide from that fit while Buffy went to see what had happened this time. When she started to throw a fit too, the girls evacuated to the mall. They didn't need or want to know. When one heard Xander's name they knew it was going to be a long hiding time so they remembered to grab money for dinner too. Buffy hated to hear about Xander doing anything she didn't approve of. When they felt the magic start up, they ran faster toward the farther mall. It had a worse food court but it was a few miles away for safety reasons.

***

Rupert Giles had to report to Congress a few days later, with Buffy and the dog from the house in attendance. The Capitol guards stared at the dog. "She's highly protective of Buffy," Giles told them. "She's pregnant and has decided Buffy will be their aunt."

The sniffing dogs on duty sniffed the hellhound and let it go. The hellhound sniffed them back and stared at one of the humans, who slowly backed up then ran off.

"No attacking," Buffy ordered. She clipped on the leash. "Sorry." Her phone rang. She looked and sighed, showing it to Giles then the guards. It was a warning about the dog going after the highly placed skrull commander. Who looked to be in the upper executive branch of the government. The guards called that in and the head of the dog handlers showed up to take control of their guard dog. They went into the hearing room and the hellhound mother-to-be didn't hit on anyone until a few younger people came in. Then she growled and almost lunged at one of them.

"What is that beast doing in here?" she demanded.

"She's protecting us from threats," Buffy said. "She's trained to sense certain types of demons and aliens."

"Aliens?" she sneered.

Buffy shrugged. "Not my fault that we apparently have some Asgardians, some dwarves, and some skrulls here." The woman stomped off, her husband following her. The dog settled down. Buffy looked at the head guard, who called that in. "The little firtybits can tell them too from what we've been told," she admitted. "You have a few of them flying here and there as messengers."

"Firglebytes," Giles corrected patiently. He sat down with a sigh, staring at the staring senators. "The dog is part hellhound but has been trained to protect myself, Buffy, and Willow to make sure we're not possessed, taken over by any alien or demon parasite, or switched out for a shape changing being," he noted. "The new ones recently discovered to be infiltrating humanity are a worry for us as they could harm the slayers greatly."

The senator in the lead just nodded. "What shape changing beings, Doctor Giles?"

Giles handed over his notes. "This is what my watcher in Africa, Xander, has found out about them thanks to some poker contacts." Buffy settled in her seat with the dog laying down beside her.

"I want that dog shot!" a female voice yelled.

"We want shape changing demons to go away," Buffy called back. "Before we have to prove it and confine you." The woman stomped back in, but she was slightly more green this time. "Huh. Your dad's orange and you're green. Interesting." The being tied to hit her but Buffy knocked her down and out. The alien's husband came storming in with guards behind him. "We found out that the aliens don't bleed red if you want to test his."

"You...." one sneered. Buffy pricked her thumb with her broach's pin, showing it. Giles did the same thing with his tie tack. They stared until the guard tested himself and he bled red. The others...bled greenish/blue. The guards surrounded them and walked them out. There would be a lot of yelling later but they could test for red blood. Then they'd have to see if they could rescue the original ones. When they found out all but the president were switched, he tried to claim he'd be next but one of the aliens told him they wanted him there because he was easily led. It led to another fit but not one that would endanger anyone at the moment. They found out where the others were and sent that information to someone down there who could handle that situation for them.

***

Xander looked up as the agent walked into the bar he was in. "Are you here to evacuate the politicians I unfortunately saved earlier?" he asked, taking a sip of his beer.

The agent blinked. "US politicians?" he asked. "We know there was a number who were replaced by those aliens."

"Yeah, I raided a skrull base earlier because they tried to get one of my slayers. Sucks to be a skrull today but I found a ton of idiots I'd rather not save." He took another drink. "They're safely stored in that base with two local agents who have sent information to their higher ups so they could send it to you."

"No, we had not heard that yet." He called in. "It's Somerly. Xander Harris raided a base earlier to get his slayer back and said he unfortunately saved some of our people. He said that the locals should be telling us about it. Let me check to make sure it's all of them. You find who they told." He hung up and looked at him. "Lead me back there please, Mr. Harris?" Xander pointed behind him so he turned to look. "Director," he said with a nod and a hand shake of the local country's head of intelligence. "Our people?"

"Yes. We started to call our contacts but you landed so we decided to tell you ourselves. Harris, your slayer?"

"With her boyfriend," Xander said with a small grin for him. "Who her father hates like anything. He was going to ritually sacrifice the guy to a pagan god he swears are evil because he's an evangelical baptist. So they're getting a few minutes of calming her down before she goes back there to rip them a new one." He finished his beer and put a tip on the table, looking at the agents. "Can you take him or should I?"

"We will, Watcher Harris." The local agent smiled. "You have fun calming your slayer down. By the way, have you answered your phone today?"

"Only for emergency codes. I saw what started when they called Giles and Buffy before Congress." He smirked. "I'm not touching my phone for *days*. Email me instead for a few days please." The local agent nodded, walking his counterpart off. Xander went back to the hotel, grabbing his slayer and taking her home. Where her father complained but Xander shook his head. "Her boyfriend was trying to rescue her before I got there. He was failing at it but he was trying."

Her father snorted, glaring at his daughter. "He's not good enough for you."

"He is so! You're just mad I'm growing up. Quit before I move into my boyfriend's house, Father!"

"You do and you will be married immediately!" he yelled. He glared when Xander giggled.

"The slayer spirit did pass on bits and pieces from all the prior slayers, including Buffy and Faith, who both had serious relationships in their years." The father almost pouted. "Besides, if she's going to marry him anyway, let her. You don't want that sort of stress from fighting until she gives you grandchildren. She'll have to hide with Sheema while she's pregnant so she won't be able to let you watch over her."

"My wife will scream." He looked at his daughter. "You're not pregnant, right?"

"I haven't done more than touch him with my hands, Father," she huffed. She glared at Xander. "It's perfectly natural!"

"Yes it is. I lived with Anya before we broke up." He grinned and patted her on the back. "If you're going to marry the boy anyway, do it."

"I will." She stared at her father, who pouted at her. "I will let you handle things," she sighed, walking off shaking her head. "I will not wear a dress that has to be lifted by others or that means he can't stand next to me yet not be able to touch me."

"I can see that," her father said. He smiled at Xander. "Thank you for rescuing her, Xander."

"Not a problem. It's what I do." He shook his hand. "I'll tell her boyfriend to show up tomorrow for lunch?"

"For dinner. Dinner is for family." Xander nodded and left to find the loser boyfriend. Hopefully he'd straighten up with some responsibility. His slayer deserved someone nice. If he had to beat manners into the guy for her, so be it.

***

Xander shoved someone he had let out of a cell. It had been a long week since he had rescued his slayer and handed her back. "To the back!" he shouted with a point for the others. "We have to blow this sucker and that's the exit!"

"Young man!" one of them complained.

Xander glared at him. "Did you not realize that aliens were holding you?"

"We noticed the green people who tried to look like us," another one said.

"Yeah, well, they look a lot less green when they took over your life. To the back. Through their genetics lab so we can blow it last."

"If we have weapons," another one said.

Xander looked at him. "I barely have *my* weapons!" The two with sense nodded and left in the way he wanted. The other one was trying to complain. "General, come get him, he's stupid," he called with a point. "Before I have to leave him here."

"We already knew that," the general said, coming to grab that senator by the arm and haul him off. "Who're you, sir?"

"Senior Watcher Xander Harris, New Watchers Council. I'm the guy over the African slayers, sir."

"Thank you for solving this. The breeding grounds?"

"Going as we go. I've already booby-trapped their armory." The general nodded, heading out after the others. He watched the kid work to check the cells and shoot at any green head that popped up. They finally all got out so Xander ran into the breeding area then set off the machines and the self destruct he had found in the armory. "Everyone out?" he called.

"The stupid one is trying to get back in there to get his belt," one said.

"Knock him out," Xander called and set it off. The ship blew up and made a pretty mess. Xander looked around but the ones he had rescued shot a few of the remaining aliens.

One frowned as he shot the green version of himself. "That's so weird. When I was younger I was suicidal and now I just killed my doppelganger."

Xander looked at him. "All shape shifters are weird and I'm told only one kind isn't evil. Plus yours wasn't even that close, sir. It was still green."

"Good point. I always wanted to shoot at the little green men they said aliens were." He walked off. Xander followed. "How are we getting home?"

"Not a clue," Xander admitted. "I was going to hand one of you my phone so you could call your own people." He handed the general his phone. "Highest ranking and can probably get a quiet extraction." He looked around. "There's an old church about a half mile in front of us," he said with a point. "Not sure if it's safe to take the road there but at least you'll be under cover when it starts to rain later and it's a defensible spot." Everyone nodded, heading that way with the general in the lead once he handed Xander his phone back. He waved. "You guys be safe. I've got to take out another one later." He jogged off, going to the other ship's location to deal with them.

"Son," the general called. "Let my boys do it please. They're real mad about this stuff."

Xander paused to look at him. "How do you know they're not taken over, General?"

"I'd kick their asses so hard they'd beg, kid. Come with us." Xander nodded, going to his truck and driving closer so they could crowd into the back to ride to the church. They piled in and he parked behind the church, letting the general take the guns from him. "Those are yours?" he asked.

"Yup. All I've got down here right now, General. Sorry but gotta live by my wits usually with demon battles. Or bigger in about a week. Hopefully the spandex sort have that one."

The general stared at him. "How do we know that?"

"Visions and they suck," Xander said, staring at him. "I hate having visions. But I haven't been wrong yet."

"Well, shit," he said, taking the phone back to call someone else. "Who knows?"

"I told a lot of world leaders and my boss at the same time, General. I'm hoping Giles figured out how to protect some people and I suggested that they try to protect necessary people like some doctors instead of politicians."

The general nodded. "We'll need 'em. We always do after an emergency." He grimaced but got connected through. "Chad, Boswin. We have a spandex sort of battle soon according to the head watcher guy down in Africa?" He listened to the notes that had been handed over. "At least he's not green. I'm tired of green ones. Anything we can do? Oh, I called in Oliver's group to come get us all.

"The politicians are at least protecting themselves at the moment. Nope, Harris, the watcher guy, rescued us and blew up a ship. Oliver's people will have a lot of fun doing it later too I'm sure," he said sarcastically. "What else do I need to fix?" He listened then huffed. "Please do rescind that. Thank you. Yeah, by tomorrow hopefully." He hung up and tossed the phone back. "Sit, kid. You look tired."

"Sometimes but it's been a busy few weeks since I found the first one down here." He shrugged, going to the bathroom to clean up a bit then come out to guard the high priority targets. About two and a half hours later he heard a vehicle and looked out there. "General, I don't think that's your sort. It's an actor."

He looked then snorted. "Nope, the brother of one of mine though." The car stopped and the actor got out, staring at the doorway. He leaned out. "Your brother sent you?"

"Yes, General. I borrowed a friend's plane to get you all back home because some higher up tried to block them from coming so they'll be late."

"They'll still have fun with the other ship they'll get to blow up of little green idiots," the general said. "C'mon, people. Let's go," he ordered. They all got taken to the larger than average SUV. The general looked at Xander. "You can follow us."

"I can go scope the other ship. I'll be here," he said, writing it on the general's hand with a pen. "Send 'em to me with knowing my name. The aliens never do." He grinned. "They all think I'm too normal, just like the slayers do." The general snorted but walked off shaking his head as he called his team to let them know where they needed to head. Xander went to watch the other ship, and housing compound. When the soldiers got there Xander waved them over and let them see what he had found. They were on heightened alert but no sign of having hostages. Xander looked at one. "They don't bleed red," he said quietly. They all nodded and ran down to handle the alien menaces. Two of the soldiers turned out to be changed too but Xander got them.

***

"Who in the hell is the guy who rescued our people!" the president yelled at his minions.

The general who had been rescued looked at him. "The head watcher in Africa. Works with the slayers down there, sir. Still pretty young but got it done in a messy manner we all appreciated. We almost cheered when their ship went up."

The president glared at him. "When did you get taken?"

"Two weeks ago," the general said, then shrugged. "I was at home then I woke up in a cell. I'm almost shocked my wife didn't kill 'em for me. She said she's the only one that gets to kill me."

The president scowled. "No one's found my daughter yet."

"Yes they have, sir. She wasn't in the one where we were but she got found yesterday by the report I got when I got back this morning. Some SEALs found her, sir."

"I wasn't told that."

"She could be in quarantine to make sure no alien germs got to her, sir. We all should be but things are going to hit the wrong side of hell soon." He walked off. "I have to go unmake some bad decisions."

"Fine. Whatever." He sat and sulked. He hadn't even been able to tell his daughter and son-in-law had been switched out. Now this young guy was showing him up by handling problems. Maybe he had to look into that guy. He might be an ally of his. Yeah, he could do that. The guy was probably heroic or something and needed rewarded.

***

Xander looked at one of his poker contacts, getting a grimace back. "Can't you make the purple guy Thanos have kidney stones that move in the most painful way each time he tries to use any sort of power?"

The demon he was talking to shook his head. "No. Won't be enough, Harris."

Xander grimaced. "What about those fish in Central America, the ones that swim up your dick and eat you from the inside out?"

The demon smiled. "That's a nice thought but won't be good enough fast enough."

"The Vlad the Impaler treatment as soon as he gathers a stone?"

"That...many would be pleased," he admitted. "But he might make it disappear before it comes to cause damage."

"Then can I use the life debt you owe me to cause a brain aneurism as soon as he lands on earth? Or as soon as he gets the first stone?"

"That would change much history. We could....hmm. We can see if we can block him from getting to the rest of the Asgardians." He talked to his higher ups. It wasn't a certain death but a very likely one. Too much power would rupture it most likely. Thanos didn't have a self healing talent. Though they did add a parasite infection in his colon to weaken him on top of the brain defect.

Xander texted one of his contacts in Wakanda to let them know. That way they could help it happen if they had to. Then Xander went to finally sleep. He had two days to sleep and he really needed a nap. The demons were amused but they had heard about Harris during apocalypse times before. Thankfully there were no bouncy, blonde slayers nagging him during it this time.

***

The King of Wakanda got the printed message from a security agent and nodded. "That is good to know. It can be helpful. Can we take advantage of that?"

"Yes. Power at his brain will cause it to rupture," his sister said with a grin. "We can hit him with power until his headache kills him."

"If we must and can, we must and will," he decided, handing the note back. "What of the alien problems the green ones are doing?"

"Harris has managed to free many of their hostages. The US military is not amused and neither is the UK military but they're thankful someone took over the problem for a bit. Though they hate all the Council members, even the slayers."

"Because they ignored how the old Council treated the girls," the princess said. The others nodded. "Now they're seeing how it should run but it's being run by a lot of book nerds. And Harris, who is apparently slightly channeling an action movie." She sighed, looking at her brother. "Why do you have a cat toy?"

"Harris bought it for the cat he was bringing to her owner but the cat refused it so he gave it to me. He suggested we probably have cats around here," he said sarcastically. She burst out giggling as she walked off. He looked at the others. "He is...unusual. He faced down the former Director for SHIELD and ripped into him about how he was like the old Council." The king shifted in his seat, grimacing. "I do not want that battle here. It's not good for our peoples."

"We'll handle what we have to handle," one of the female warriors said from her spot. "Even though they are purple aliens or green aliens."

The king smiled. "It appears that you can train certain breeds of dogs to sniff out demons and some of them can tell the aliens."

"How did Harris then?" she demanded.

The king grinned at her. "When he was younger, he stepped into an Old One's circle and got possessed by a hyena matriarch." She burst out laughing. "It was never fully cleared so he bears her and uses her with honor according to him."

"Oh dear," she said, walking off giggling to tell the higher ups that. It did explain a few things about how he treated the girls he trained.

The king looked at his head of intelligence. "He is very interesting and one we may need to work with later on. Figure out how to do that?"

"I can do so, My King." He did their traditional salute and headed back to his office to do that.

The King relaxed and worried about the upcoming battle. It was really not a good thing for his people to go through.

***

After the snap had happened and been fixed, and thankfully the owed debt Faith had could handle time travel, Xander showed up at the Wakanda border, nodding at the guardians. "You have a demon battle in three days." She winced but nodded, calling that in. "I'll wait here but it is a beheader. I have their book entry if one of your guards wants to go over it. I can even lend them a sword but I'll need it back."

"You can behead with a laser," the guardian said with a smirk.

Xander shook his head, grinning back. "Takes silver. Sorry." She groaned but let them know that. "I'm not looking to interrupt, just tell you how to handle it and let someone take the new manual we've worked up for the slayers in the field. Your people can handle their own battles most of the time and it's not my business to change that."

"Good. The head guard and the princess comes."

"Cool. I'll be on my truck." He pointed and went to sit, making sure he had what they'd need. The princess was cute when she scowled but he shrugged and grinned back. "Sorry, Princess. Some things take silver. Don't ask me why, I don't make the rules." He opened the first book to let them see it. "There's a chance that another metal may work but I have no idea what that metal is. I don't think it's a human metal."

The princess nodded. "That is a space metal from certain asteroids." She grimaced. "It's almost explosive."

"So that's probably why they used it," Xander agreed. "Blew the head off." She sighed but nodded. "Okay, well, I can gladly lend you guys a sword with silver mixed in. As long as I get it back sometime soon." He pulled it up and handed it to the guardian. "It's a bit softer than steel due to the silver mixed in. The edge is as sharp as I can make it and I've cleaned off the demon blood from other uses. Also, we just updated our field manuals."

He handed one to the princess with a smile. "It's a little bit easier carried and has the numbers written in for the local slayers should you need one and their current ages. Unfortunately two huge problems needs someone innocent, fully innocent, to handle it. So I had to hold a six-year-old slayer when she lightly stabbed the summoned demon on the arm so he could go home, as he wanted. I tried a nun first but they know too much to be considered fully innocent." He grimaced. "Then I had someone lock that memory for her parents when they agreed."

"Can just anyone summon such things?" the princess asked.

Xander nodded, curling up his legs some. "Yeah, mostly. Some classes you have to have magic but ...." He looked in his storage area then pulled out a book. "On the ways to interrupt summonings based on how far along they are, what type, and what they're calling. That one I don't have another copy of but I've read it a few times so you can borrow it long enough to copy if you need to."

"That could help. Thank you, Watcher."

"I'm Xander, Princess Shuri. I have no tact, no royal blood, and almost no manners even though Giles tried a lot." He grinned. "Treat me like the plebe I am please."

She snorted, staring at him. "You have done much."

"Yeah, but I've been doing this for a while. No one little girl should be responsible for saving the world."

"True." She tipped her head slightly. "We have you listed as not being human."

"I'm fully human and born fully human. I've been exposed to some demon blood a few times. So yeah, I have a few spots in my blood that's not normal, average guy."

"Does that change you?"

"One could've. We stopped it and I got that one seeing why part of my high school's swim team was turning black and slimy. The coach was dosing us with mermaid blood so he could win things."

She frowned then huffed. "That's so illogical."

He grinned. "Then again, demons use more magic than tech in most species. There's a few demon realms that're higher tech than even the Enterprise was."

"Still not logical."

He shrugged. "Not my doing. I'm not the Big Being in Charge. Nor am I the Powers That Be, who're over the slayers. I just do my job so my girls don't die. That way they have years to become annoying teenage girls who I have to put up with. Just like Buffy did."

"Many girls do," the guard agreed. "Do we only have the one sword?"

"Here, yeah. Cleveland has a few others if you wanted to talk to Giles. He thought this one was mystical until I showed him pictures from the idiot demon's temple further south of here. Then he was not amused to scotch for a few hours."

"How would we forge our own?" the guard asked.

Xander shook his head. "I barely know anything about forging swords, sorry. There's a guy in Taipei who is working with the slayer's swords to make new ones that'll be worthy of them being used. There's a guy in Egypt who can forge swords to fix them. He had to fix that one actually." He looked in his phone, finding his contact information. "This is him." He let her see it and take a picture of it with her own phone. He put his phone up. "I'm not the know it all Xander. A lot of things I still have to look up quickly and I rely on contacts who can do things like fix weapons or find me weapons."

"Then how did you become our head watcher?" Princess Shuri demanded.

"I was the only guy down here. When the old Council got blown up, we only had about twenty of us left and most of them were research watchers. Giles was a field watcher and over the current girls so he got put in charge and changed things so they were better for the slayers. I was going to leave the group to go grieve for an ex who died in Sunnydale so he sent me down here to talk to the current slayers so they had an idea of what had happened and to make sure they were safe.

"It turned out most were safe, and the local demons weren't the problem, it was outsiders being the problem usually. I introduced them to the lessons on demons and went around to each one to check on them while handling small things. Then a real battle happened and I was the only guy there. None of the other Watchers or senior slayers can get down here for some reason," he said dryly, grimacing some. "So I became the head watcher guy and had to handle things that no one else could or would. You'd probably hate how some governments tried to handle the knowledge of peaceful demons and I had to stop that and teach them too."

"So some day one of the girls will take over your spot?"

"Yeah, I've been grooming Sidra to do it. She's technically a Pakistani slayer but she likes to travel and can fight pretty well. She does a lot of the online mothering and mentoring for the girls in other areas. We had to remove her from her area for her own safety but she's in Greece at the moment. I think. She's ...I think she's six...no, I think she's just turned seventeen. So she'll come out on patrol at eighteen with me and start by taking over the northern areas of this continent for me so I'm not spread as far. Then when I die of doing all this stuff she'll take over fully and by then she'll hopefully be training her replacement."

"That's a harsh life," she said.

He nodded. "Yeah but if I don't do it, the girls have to do it as little girls. It's better that I do it and hold on until one of them is old enough to handle herself and things. And by then maybe more people will jump in so it's not just a few guys." He shrugged. "I jumped in and the old Council hated that, but it was necessary."

"It's what a warrior does," the guard agreed.

Xander nodded. "No little girl should be responsible for saving the world, especially not by herself. Even if she did nag me about it for years on end." He grinned. "Buffy nags greatly that I'm normal."

Shuri shook her head. "No you're not."

He grinned at her. "Thank you." She huffed but was smiling. "Anyway, I'll be at the nearest town," he said with a point. "So when you copy that you can send it to me and I've got to be in Botswana in about two days so I'll come back this way about a week after the battle to get the sword back if that's all right?" The guardian nodded, smiling at him. "Cool. Have a good battle and I hope it's an easy one." He stood up and shut his truck's gate, then his storage compartment's lid. "You guys have fun. I'm going to go get a hot shower. It's been a few days of driving again. Peace, people." He got in and drove off carefully so his dirt wouldn't hit them.

The princess looked at her guard. "He is not the usual man."

"No, he is not. But he is handy to know." She took the sword back to the palace. The princess would try a higher weapon on the demon, of course, but in case they needed it the sword was on hand. They could copy and hand out those books as well. The watcher was not stingy with information. The king stared at the sword. "We have a demon showing up in a few days. It has to be beheaded by silver as far as they know."

He groaned. "Wonderful."

"The watcher handed over information for us to copy and go over."

"Even better. He does well at that." He walked off shaking his head to check on his baby sister's mad ideas. She sometimes had little sense because she was a teenage girl.

***

Xander showed up after the problem in Botswana, grimacing as he got out of his truck at the border. "Good day," he called loudly enough to be heard inside the house. "I've brought two of your people back who got misplaced." The woman who guarded this border post leaned out to stare at him. He pointed. She huffed. "Sorry but they were in the way down there. Had to get around them to deal with the battle they tried to proclaim was an unholy illusion." The bound and gagged duo in the back of his truck complained but Xander ignored them. "Botswana said to send them back home or else they'd go to jail for being in the way."

She nodded, calling that in. The same female warrior came out with the sword, smiling as she handed it over. "Thank you, Xander."

"Did it work?"

"It did. We tried to use a laser and it failed miserably." She looked at the two in the truck while he put the sword up. "What did they do?" He pulled up footage on his phone for her to see. She sighed. "Are they ours?"

"They have the little thing on their lip. One was complaining that King Panther would hate these happening."

"Sounds like it," she decided, undoing one's gag to look at the vibranium strip in his lip. "Hmm. Ours. One of the mountain peoples." She stuffed the gag back in when he complained. "We can take them and send them back to their folk."

"Thank you. Have you seen the orphanage about halfway to my battle before last?" he asked quietly. He pulled up a picture to show her. "Not Skrull because they're not green but someone was saying it was your prince's daughter via a dish," he said quietly. "They had to hide the fact that she's the result of a government program."

"She shouldn't be his."

"I have no idea. I'm just passing on that there's a rumor that this precious little blue baby, who is gifted somehow from whatever group made her, is said to be his."

She nodded. "We will look into that." She hit him on the arm with a smile. "Any other good news?"

"One of these two was supposedly selling pictures of your princess in a bikini. It was actually one of the lesser known runway models." He dug that magazine out to hand over with a smirk. "She's cute but that girl there isn't interested in science stuff. She wanted to be a nurse by that interview. Then people started to notice she was pretty."

The female guardian shook her head with a groan. "Shuri will throw a fit." Xander grinned and nodded. "You knew?"

"Yup. Heard about the one she threw at the Egyptian station that thought she was your king's young, pretty wife. She all but set them on fire verbally."

She snorted. "That sounds like our princess. Thank you, Xander."

"Welcome." He grinned at her. "Go ahead and grab them or call someone to carry them off. I've got a few hours before I have to head east." She called that in and read that article. The princess was going to have fits. They'd have to lock her in a closet again. The story from Egypt was in there too but they had refuted their story for them. She sighed. Shuri was going to have a loud fit that would shake the whole palace this time.

The king himself came out, making her salute him. He smiled. "Is this the two that were sent back in shame?"

"For declaring the battle an unholy illusion that King Panther would hate to deal with," Xander quipped with a grin for him. "Botswana said to bring them back or they were going to jail."

"That's a good reason," King T'Challa agreed. "Anything else interesting happen?" The trash magazine was handed over open to that article. He read it and grimaced. "Shuri is going to destroy someone with yelling," he muttered, handing it back. "Why was she against that other news person?"

Xander waved a hand a bit. "They thought she was your pretty, young, smart wife."

"Ah!" He nodded and grinned. "That would get someone yelled at, yes. Greatly." Xander grinned and nodded. "Who told them about her?" Xander pointed at the tied up people. "Even more reason for them to visit our city jail for a few hours." He glared at them. They slumped away from him. "My father, may he be happy with the ancestors, would have let Shuri beat you herself." Xander was giggling. "Thank you, Watcher Harris."

"Not a problem." He accepted the two books from another guardian. "Let me know if you need me, Highness. Or you lovely ladies of guardianism. My girls are really looking forward to looking up to you as role models when they get old enough for more than self defense training." They smiled at him. The king snorted. "They don't learn more until they're old enough to figure out if they want to or should patrol. We don't let our girls do that anymore."

"I've heard and it is a good idea." Xander nodded, getting up to shove the guys out of his truck so they could be walked off. The king stared up at him. "What do you know of the Avengers?"

"Not a lot that I like," he admitted, sitting on the bed of his truck. "I know of one that's a comic book hero and always sure which is the right way even if it's more gray. I know of one that's got issues thanks to his life and now he's a figurehead that has to do the right thing to make himself feel better. I kinda looked up to him for years because the slayer I started out helping kept telling me I was normal so therefore lesser." The king nodded at that.

"I know of some members that are said to be good agents and a few that are said to be good men. One I got compared to a few times until I had to use my battle axe. They were disappointed that I didn't use other archaic weapons." He grinned slightly. "I know one of them, a female, is a mind fucker that sent someone over the edge and made him attack others." The king winced.

"I know the one that just came out of the gates is an asshole of epic proportions who tried to get two of the minis in Europe dead to fulfill her mission by offering them to the Russian Mob and if she comes closer I'm shooting her." He glared at her. She stopped back there. He looked at the king. "I know little bits of much thanks to the poker circuit. You could ask them. You do have a few locally."

"We've noticed and have talked to them. They seem to want to stay peaceful." Xander nodded with a grin. "That's always good. Do they all hear?"

"Poker is the same for demons and humans. You share information by gossip. At the higher levels, you can run into people in the underground and others who might be handy. I know a few I go beg at the scales of for bigger weapons for some battles. Be damned if I can keep fighting off Skrull without weapons. Beheading them sucks."

The king laughed. "Using a sword for a true battle would."

"Yeah, but really hard to behead with a pistol."

"True." He shook Xander's hand. "Thank you for the help."

"Let me know if you need more help." He pulled his gun and shot at her feet when she moved closer. "You nearly sold a few girls to the Russian mob, lady. Don't think I won't." She backed up a few steps. "Even the fate of the world isn't enough to support slavery and organ selling mother fuckers like them. And your mission wasn't that important then." He put his gun up, looking at the king again. "By the way, that caravan coming next month? Nope." He grinned. "They unwisely came near one of my girls. The *whoooooole* group went bye-bye in a huge whoosh of gas fire. All the hostages and slaves they had managed to get free but one, who ran to help her master." The king smiled and nodded his head slightly before walking off. Xander got into his truck and drove off.

The Black Widow sneered at the sight of the truck leaving. "He is not that good."

T'Challa stared at her. "Yes he is. He's handled many battles by himself. And he manages to keep the young slayers from being used by others." He walked around her. "He has managed to make many people impressed even though he is a white man." He went into the barrier so he could go home. She followed, still mad. He went to where his sister was, holding up the magazine. "Be more subtle than you were with the Egyptian news person please. You may not harm the young model they used. She seems nice and like she had a potential life before they figured out she was pretty."

She took it to read, grimacing. "What the hell?" she muttered.

"One of the ones Watcher Harris brought back from Botswana sold those pictures of the supposed you."

She looked at her brother, shaking her head. "She's pretty but I'm gorgeous and smarter."

"She could be, but no one is letting her. I doubt she wanted the mixup." He walked off.

"I'll protest on her behalf as well. That sucks," she said, taking it to talk to their head guard so she could call a news conference. Shuri needed to yell at someone.

T'Challa smiled as he ran into Steve Rogers. "Your teammate is mad that someone told her she had done wrong on a mission by trying to sell two young women." He walked past him. "Though I have to agree by what I know of it." He went to his own head of security, who pulled up the records from the SHIELD archives about that mission. Yes, Harris had been correct. They couldn't find one in SHIELD's files about the Council, Sunnydale, or Harris. It appeared they had stayed out of that problem for some reason.

***

Xander looked over as two people fell into his battle, shaking his head. "You need to cut them somewhere above their mid-chest," he yelled. "Just anywhere and split the chest cavity enough to let out the light thing!" A few of them nodded. One didn't listen and shot at one. Xander sighed but kept fighting the problem hatching and coming out of the cemetery. He finally got his side cleared and caught his breath, stretching a bit before heading for the other side's problems.

One of the heros was still shooting. Another one was using his sword. The third was using a dagger. Xander shook his head. "You can use a laser," he yelled, taking on one. It fell and the light came out. He backhanded the one coming up behind him, getting it too. A regular zombie so he beheaded it and moved on. At the end he sighed and stretched his arms with a wince, nodding at the guy with the sword. "Thank you and your teammates for the help, Warrior."

"You're Harris," he said in english.

Xander grinned. "I am. And now I need to beat the ass of the chaos sorcerer who was trying to bring back his family and ended up doing all this." He waved a hand around. "Thank you for the help."

"Welcome. Any more?"

"No, I got the other side of the cemetery before I came over," he said, nodding at Captain America, who looked constipated. He looked at the sword guy again. "If you need to copy the field manual call me and I'll have a copy made out for you and your usual region." He held out a hand. The guy shook it. "Have a better night, people." He walked off.

"Hold it," Steve Rogers demanded. Xander turned to look at him. "Why are you only talking to him?"

"Because Giles kept trying to teach me tact instead of blunt honesty. I'm not sure I can't say something about you being told how to take them out and you not doing that, Captain. You wasted a whole lot of bullets and wounded two of the locals trying to help." He pointed at them. "So therefore I talked to the person who handled the situation and did it in a way that had ethics."

He tipped his head. "You have a better night too and the same offer of the field manual is one to you too. That way you can study it so you're not stranded in a battle with the wrong weapon. It always sucks when you do that. Mine usually need artillery and I have bladed weapons." He shrugged and turned, walking off again. Xander popped his neck as he walked. "Hey," he called in Swahili. "Need my first aid kit or are those two all right?"

"They're fine, Watcher," another one said. "The sorcerer is crying in the courthouse."

"I know and understand why you'd want to bring back your family but this was the wrong way. Let me go yell at them." He tossed his sword into the cab and got into his truck, driving off. He paused by the injured people, nodding. "Go ahead and put them into the back. I'm going to town anyway, easier for me to drive you all." They got in and he drove them off.

Ronin looked at the others then shrugged. "He's right. He did yell that we had to cut them open and you ignored it, Cap." He walked off stretching his arms. He'd wonder about the kid but he looked familiar. Somehow. He'd have to check his notes to see why. The others complained. Clint looked at the complaining Natasha was doing. "And yet, he was here for hours before we got here, handled his side, then helped with ours." He stared at her. "And many others down here."

"He's american," she sneered.

"Yeah. He sounded it." He shrugged. "He's young too. He still handled it better than we did." She stomped past him. "I understand, I'd want to bring my family back too," he admitted quietly. "Even if it was the wrong thing to do." He went back to the jet, going to his seat to calm down and clean his weapons. Cap was still glaring. Clint stared at him, making Steve huff to the cockpit area. Clint looked the kid up and nearly laughed at what he found.

"Jeez, he was the yappy one's backup," he muttered. "No wonder he looked familiar." He flipped through his file. Partially crap and marked as such. Steve took it to read when he held it up. He slumped into his seat. "I'm pretty sure he knows what he's doing as often as we do." He took the tablet back and went back to reading on what happened out there. He wondered how he got to Africa but apparently he had a reason. He wondered why Natasha was seething but he'd find out about that too later.

***

Xander looked up from his campfire in the middle of nowhere, sipping his coffee when the young woman got out of the jeep and walked over to sit across from him. "What's happened?" he asked dryly.

"Mr. Harris, why are you down here?"

"Working with the baby slayers that are down here. No child should be a warrior. I'm working on their training and handling things for them. Though it's not your business since I know you're not Council."

"I'm SHIELD."

Xander did a slow clap. "Are you still so rotted with assholes who like to torture people?" He sipped his coffee while she glared. "I ran into some of your happy little people before now, lady. They're not worthy of the title of human. I know some evil demons who're better beings than some of yours."

"They were probably HYDRA," she sneered.

"Last week? I thought you had cleared all those out last year." He stared at her. "Though I have blown up a HYDRA base because they wanted one of my baby slayers." He poured himself some more coffee and sipped it before putting the cup down. "So why did SHIELD send you down here to annoy me?"

"We think...."

"That'd be a change," he quipped then sneered at her, standing up. "I don't think the group that let people sell others if it helped with their missions and leave them there have a *thing* to say with me protecting my baby slayers and the people down here. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to talk to someone about getting a new sword." She got up and huffed off. He sat back down once she was gone and did indeed talk to the guy in Egypt about getting a new sword. His was getting worn out and the tip had cracked. It was beyond fixing most likely. Then he sent a report in to Giles about SHIELD showing up complaining about the girls.

***

In Cleveland, Giles noticed the new email and read it then summoned in their lawyer. "Apparently the rebuild of SHIELD is butting in again in ways that are annoying." He printed the note and let him have it. "Do have fun?"

He smirked evilly. "Yes, I will. I haven't eaten anyone in days." He walked off considering his options. Harris was...weird and stubborn but SHIELD was annoying. He started by pulling information from their archive dump to show in the press. SHIELD had tried to harm the slayers before. Including Buffy. She leaned into his office. "Yes, Miss Summers?"

"They were in Sunnydale when?"

"Your graduation year. They were seeing why the assassins were acting like you were a high priority target."

"So did they know about the Initiative mess?"

He considered it. "I don't know. We can see."

She grinned. "What sort of files do they have on us?"

"Not much of anything. Mostly that you were clearly a mystically gifted warrior who had a small combat team to help you."

"In those days, yup." She nodded. "Okay, let me know if it'll come down to a Sunnydale problem getting out. There were huge problems there. If I remember right that was during the love spell too."

"I've seen notes on that. He handled that mess he created better than most young men would have." She grimaced. "Most young men would've taken at least a small bit of fun. He did not."

"No, he didn't. He's still in trouble for that."

"Get the ones that taught him wrong about love instead," he advised with a smile. "Miss Rosenburg apparently didn't teach him how relationships should work."

"Point I guess." She went to warn Willow that someone was going to be poking into Sunnydale.

"Why can't one of us take out all the investigations out there?" Willow complained. "I wish we had control of something to handle all that."

"No wish demons here," Buffy quipped. "Sorry. And do you really want to be in charge of something like that?"

"Heck no!"

"Then don't wish," Buffy said with a smile for her. One of the minis came running in and turned on the news, looking at Buffy and pointing. "Is your throat still sore?" she asked, pulling her closer to look in her mouth. "You have white spots. That's like strep or something. We need to get you to the little slayer doctor tomorrow, Brenda." Brenda stomped her foot and pointed. Buffy looked and groaned. "GILES! BARTHOLOMEW!" They both came rushing in and she pointed at the tv. "Brenda spotted it. Go get some ice cream, Bren." The girl ran off, showing Andrew the news then taking the ice cream out to get a big bowl. Buffy relaxed and watched the replay of the incident in the cemetery. "Why?" she asked.

"That's a spell to revive close loved ones," Giles said quietly. He glanced at her. "That's the Roman spell instead of the English version." The lawyer nodded as he watched, arms crossed over his chest. "Who...oh, those costumed sorts," he complained. "Andrew...."

"I see," he called from the kitchen. "As the saying goes, never meet your idols, you'll be disappointed."

"True."

"They should've listened to Xander," Buffy quipped.

Willow stared. "That's the guy that Xander used to look up to in the comic books," she said quietly. "I wonder if he realized that." The end 'talk' was shown and she winced. "I taught him better manners than that."

"He was right. They didn't listen and just did what they wanted," Buffy quipped. She sighed, looking at Giles. "So we're...."

"Putting out a statement that we understand the urge to bring one's loved ones back, and a few of ours had done so in the past, but it is never the right thing to do. It always causes problems." He went to draft that and had Andrew send it for him. He knew where to send such things.

In the living room, Buffy winced when it flipped to a live broadcast of Xander facing off someone with a gun in his hand. "What the hell, Xander?" she complained. Yup, Xander shot him. And the guy turned into a shape changer. The local guards there trying to stop him all hissed and backed off. The mini slayer he was protecting ran over to hug him.

"Thank you, Xander. He was icky!" the mini slayer cheered.

"Yes he was," he agreed, picking her up to carry her off. "Let's get you back to safety away from alien shape shifters, Ki. You should be at home."

"He had my home raided to grab me. He said I'll do great things for my people."

"Yup, if you want to," Xander agreed.

"Sir, who are you?" a reporter yelled off camera.

Ki, the mini slayer, looked over Xander's shoulder with a smile and a wave. "This is Xander, he's our head watcher down here. He trains me in all sorts of fun stuff until I'm old enough to train as a slayer."

"You're a watcher?" the reporter yelled.

"Of the *new* Council, yup," Xander said, nodding but not looking at her. "Ki, remember, not supposed to hit the press," he told her quietly, caught by the reporter following them.

"We have to move anyway. They broke the house." She cuddled and he hugged her until she calmed down. "Is my mommy all right?"

"She called me so I hope so." He looked at her. "We'll get you right to her, then we'll all go hide." He glared at the reporter. "Move it before you get the girl hurt." The picture went to the ground. "Thank you."

"Were you with the Council before it got blown up?" that reporter yelled.

"Nope. When it blew up they had a price on my head for doing the job by helping the slayer in my town. I joined up after the old ones got blown up by a problem to remake it so the girls were supported like they should be."

"Then how did you get down here?"

"I came down here to grieve my former fiancee and then I ended up helping the girls I was telling about how they got called all at once." The picture changed to another camera, who was farther away but it caught him glaring at the cameraman. "Since then I've been training others and doing things so tiny little girls don't have to jump into a battle. Now the slayers aren't allowed in battles until they're of legal age, or eighteen, unless they're being attacked.

"By the time I'm ready to give up, at least a few will be near that age. And some local militaries can take care of it for them so it's not just one girl saving the world. Now, if you'll excuse me, her mother's probably frantic since you're putting this on the news. Which we don't like. The girls need to be normal girls as often as possible and putting them on the news will harm their families and them. Shoo. Go away." He waved a hand. "Before I have to ask a poker debt to hack all this." They left him alone, letting him get her into his truck and drive her off.

The camera crew tried to follow him but found two demons chewing on their tires. "The tiny slayers must be protected," one said with a toothy grin. "Some day they'll protect us all." He saw Xander's truck coming back and grunted, letting him and his buddy run for it and hop into the back so Xander could drive them off.

The reporter looked at her camera. "Back to the station, where you probably have less exciting things to report." The feed went to the main station and Giles moaned in his office.

"I'm putting up a notice that the shape changers often keep the ones they replace hostage," Andrew yelled from the kitchen. "So they can look for him and not panic."

"Xander would probably thank you for that," Willow called back. "Not that he could do anything about that." The Council's lawyer took Willow's laptop to get into another site then handed it back before walking off. "Our Xander did what?" she demanded after reading the headline.

Buffy looked over her arm. "Apparently he rescued some US political sorts from the same aliens by blowing them up. Xander really needs to calm down and date soon. Then he'd be using less weapons." Willow huffed but nodded, sending Xander a message to please go find a bad girl to screw so he quit blowing up things.

***

Xander showed up the next morning with the real president complaining he was being dragged up the stairs and he could walk. He handed him to a guard and held up his phone to show him a picture. "The rest are in that little farm to the north waiting on help. This one insisted he get back immediately and wouldn't wait." He walked off. "The military grunt had his smart watch on him."

"Sir," the guard called. "Who are you?"

Xander waved back. "Xander Harris, head watcher in Africa."

"Oh! You're him," he said, sounding awed. He helped the president up. "Where is that farm, sir?"

"About an hour from here, to the north, just about a mile past that skrull base." The guard called that in and he went to talk to his people. He stared at a few of them. "I saw you in the same cells earlier." They fled. "As of today, each and every one of you will be passing verification that you're human before you can do a single governmental thing," he announced. "As I will be. We cannot be taken over by some green alien!" He pounded his fist on the podium. "Someone find out how, today!"

"The aliens don't bleed red and some scent dogs that can scent demons can smell them," another guard called. "We have one such dog here, sir. The rest, we can poke on the finger."

"Go for it. I'll be first. Be damned if I want to be one of them." The guard came forward to poke him on the finger with a needle. Red blood. Most of the rest of the congressional group passed too. The rest were taken into custody. A few were partial demons and they were let go. For now. Right now it was about the aliens.

***

Xander showed up at a US embassy about a week later, getting nodded into an office once he handed over the invitation. "Hey, Wallers." He shook his hand. "Message from Giles?"

"He said to please calm down. To please date so you seemed happier again, and to please quit blowing up aliens. While it's handy and necessary, he'd like you to be more quiet about it."

"I haven't told anyone anything," Xander admitted, sitting down. "The ones I've rescued have noted it sometimes." He shrugged. "Not my fault the aliens seem to be around me sometimes."

"Point. The dating?"

"I haven't seen anyone nice in a bit. I could use one but I'm always on the road. Really hard to date that way."

"Lad, go for some easy stress relief please," Waller said dryly. He was the Council's plant in the upper levels of the state department. Xander just smirked at him. "Second, there's people who wish to speak to you."

"If they're like the lady SHIELD sent to nag me, I don't care."

"No, these are higher ups, lad." He looked him over. "You're at least partially dressed."

"Not much call for good suits in my present life."

"Point I suppose. Fine. They wanted to see where you've found skrulls and the like."

"I've kept notes. It's in my journal in my truck."

"That's fine. SHIELD? Really?"

"Yeah, some lady showed up when I was camping to try to nag. I pointed out they were worse than the old Council." He grimaced. "She huffed off."

"Wonderful. Just simply marvelous." He looked at the younger man. "The young one you saved?"

"She and her family moved closer to her mother's aunt. Few hundred miles away but in country."

"That's good then. She'll be safer there?"

"Well, the local goddess who claims that area thinks she's adorable and should be protected so probably." Waller stared at him, mouth slightly open. "One of the fertility goddesses. She's kinda nice and always has nice snacks when orphans find their way to her altar."

"That's wonderful of her I suppose. Do we have notes on her?"

"We don't even have *a* book on her. Anywhere." The older watcher shook his head with a sigh. "Let me get my journals." He went to get them from the truck and brought them in, open to the part about her. "That's that one." He sat down again.

He read it over, frowning. "Demonic?"

"Other realm I believe. Not that old. Got shoved over here about six hundred years ago by her temple's walls."

"Interesting." He flipped through them, staring at a few pictures the boy had taken. He held one up, a naked woman. "This is a potential for stress relief?"

"D'nar gave me that to remember her by after I saved her people." He grinned. "I don't think I'd measure up. She's two feet taller than I am and I'm only an average guy. She's probably used to someone taller."

The watcher put it back into the journal so he could flip through the others. He rubbed his forehead a few times. "I need to copy these for Rupert. He said your reports have been brief and only about problems and the girls' educations."

"That's what I'm supposed to report to him about. Or so I thought. Did he want to know that I had beer with a hunter god the other week?"

"Probably, yes. That may be seen as consorting, lad."

"Or I could've been talking to him about how to take out his cousin, who had stolen some people."

"Oh, I see. Did you report on that?"

"Yeah, and I mentioned talking to him about his cousin in it. Nothing about the beer and game of darts we had."

The watcher got that headache look Xander was used to from seeing it on generals he was explaining their newest problem to. "I need to copy these for Rupert's amusement. He could use some laughter since the girls have begun to nag him again." Xander waved a hand so he handed it to his assistant. "Scan those in for the Council please. Save me a copy too." His assistant nodded, getting into the program to do that. By the time his assistant got done, people were there to see the young one. One was being stood in the corner by Xander but otherwise they didn't look that amused. "Here you go, Xander." He handed the journals back over. He glanced at the one in the corner then at Xander, who grinned but rolled his eye. "Mr. Giles will hopefully be amused by some of those things that you didn't put into your reports."

"Could be," Xander agreed, tucking all but the last one into an envelope he took off the desk with a wave for the owner. Waller nodded so he could have that one. "What did you want to know, Gentlemen? And woman who is not allowed near any of my minis before I spank her for her shit last week?"

Waller cleared his throat. "She hurt one of your slayers?"

"Tried to tell her that she was doomed to die and she should just give up now since she was young enough to be pure enough to defeat the demon." He glared at her back then at his coworker. "The mini, who is all of six, went crying to her mother, who took her picture to tell me about it and let her husband run that one off. We don't appreciate that going on near our baby slayers as we expect them to grow up to do great things." He glared at her back again then looked at the others. "I'm sorry SHIELD is being infected by such problems, but that's got nothing to do with me, gentlemen. So why the summons?"

"Well, first, we'd like to see where you've blown up skrulls. I have the feeling we've missed a few."

"Could be. I didn't have to rescue people from most of them." He got into his journal to let him see that list. "That's where all the ones were but two were. One was the first one and I didn't keep track but it was about thirty miles from this one," he said with a point. "And the one that the politicians got rescued from I didn't keep track of because I figured they'd tell their people to raid it after they took down the second one I was going to handle. Saved some of my weapons so I wasn't that unhappy to let them."

The younger agent stared at him, then smiled. "You're a bit original, Mr. Harris." Xander smiled at that. "I'm not sure if I mean that in the good way or not though."

Xander laughed. "I had years of the girls telling me I was normal. It's nice not to hear that."

"No, I'm normal. You're not normal." He took a picture of those notes. "Any other higher beings you've run into that are a problem or could be a problem?"

"Most of the higher ones I've run into down here are either helpful or peaceful or I've dealt with it, Dr. Fitz. Quite a few were really helpful to the locals and have protected an area. They've agreed to watch over the mini slayers because the slayers are taught that peaceful ones aren't to be taken out unless someone causes harm." The woman in the corner snorted at that. "Did you have to bring the bimbo of her own destruction?"

"The director made me," Dr. Fitz admitted. "How did you know who I am?"

Xander grinned. "Salacia is one of the minis in Europe. She's still got you and your partner as pinups to look up to. She was waxing poetic that I'd get to meet her hero."

He blushed but smiled. "I'm glad I can inspire young scientists."

"She's thinking she wants to be some type of electrical engineer for prosthetics or something like that."

"It's an interesting field and there's a few great programs."

"She won't live that long," the woman sneered.

Xander got up and knocked her out by a jab to the neck. "All the minis will live to become grandmothers. The first rule of slayers is no one's allowed to die without permission." He sat back down. "I'm so sorry your boss sicced the dumb bitch there on you," he said dryly. "I wouldn't wish that on anyone."

Fitz nodded. "She has her good points. This is clearly not one." He looked at Xander again. "What's in your upcoming weeks?"

"I have a day off scheduled next week that the whole poker circuit knows I'm taking off and if they call me out of the spa and bar I'm going to kill someone. Otherwise I'm about to start a new round of checking and teaching so I'll spend about a week with each mini and driving between them. Then in three months I'll get another day off right before an expected battle time. It's an eclipse then and they do seem to happen sometimes. Usually with huge problems that show up."

"How on earth did you get the ascended one earlier this year?" Waller choked.

"I had a few mines and traps set up to capture the head. I blew into the nose with a grenade to knock it stupid, then I body surfed the top while chopping with a sword until I hit into the spinal column. That one hadn't thought of rolling to knock me off thankfully. I had some help from King T'Challa and had to tell Director Fury to suck me when he complained that I managed it." He shrugged with a grimace. "I'm used to whining like him nagging me about winning things so I just walked off once I had finally separated the head."

"He's dead."

"He's alive. He's at a defunct base near the west coast of Africa." He pointed. "Lower to the south." He looked a the map on the wall and pointed. "It's around there somewhere according to the poker circuit."

"Wonderful. The director will be amused. He wanted to slug him."

Xander grinned. "I pointed out that he was just as bad as the old Council since he knew about Sunnydale and let Buffy do it without help. He knew about all the shit with the old Council and just let it happen." Dr. Fitz winced but nodded once. "So I'm not going to listen to him complain. If he has an idea on how to win a battle that I don't, then maybe I'll listen to the tactical suggestion. Frankly, the way he used to run you guys put a lot of you in unnecessary mental anguish."

"I...."

Xander waved a hand with a grin. "Having run into both former agents who were still sane, barely, and former agents who were battling to get back to sanity after a bad mission.... Every mission shouldn't send you to a shrink. If so you're either in the wrong agency or the one sending people on assignments is shit at it."

"SHIELD did have a bit of both," Leo Fitz admitted. "Do your higher ups send you on assignments?"

"No. Battles are volunteer only from those who're cleared. If we need more, there's younger ones who're mostly cleared who would volunteer and we're holding back due to being seventeen or so. Or we call guys like you and get snorted at but some of the girls usually go kidnap a few agents the day before. Some agents are really all about the sigh and 'let me grab my phone' when they show up. Their bosses got used to the girls showing up and kidnaping them so therefore they're going to need backed up and no one wanted to." He grinned. "The LA office of the FBI is very annoyed at it but they know why the higher ups complain about battles. We're good but we're not an army."

"Good point. I hadn't considered the girls taking hostages."

"Oh, they feed them, make the agents help with homework, be a big brother for a night then they tell them the problem that night so they can warn people who'll actually help them. The agents make sure the girls are all fed up the next morning and ready to go. When they get there, they take film for the government sorts who will be complaining and get help on the way faster. Then they jump in to help." He shrugged. "It works well for the LA office and in New Orleans. In New York, most of them haven't been battles we need to jump into but we have. Then get told off for jumping into the battles. Which means usually the girls up there tell SHIELD to kiss their asses. I think Maria Hill is now sighing about that phrase whenever she sees a slayer after a patrol or something."

"She could be. She's working with the Avengers at Stark though."

Xander sighed, shaking his head. "I wish her much fun. She'll probably need it. And some wine."

"I saw the video about that fight in the cemetery."

Xander nodded. "Me too. I looked so fat in that video. I got nagged I had gained weight by Buffy." Waller burst out laughing. "Seriously. And she kept Willow from making a wish to make me a president of something or somewhere. Of course, they'd probably bend the wish on her so I'd end up the king of a fairy realm or something." He looked at Leo Fitz again then grinned. "Don't worry, if we end up with an Empire of Xander it'll be a lot more calm and more fun."

"I'm sure it would be." He cleared his throat. "Can she do that?"

"The better question is can she find a wish granting being who'd do it for her. There's nineteen types of wish granting beings."

"Eighteen," Waller corrected. "One's considered mythical and no longer on this realm."

"Saw one last month, and they bite!" Xander said with a mad grin at the end, rolling up his shirt to show him. "See?"

"They...bite," he said. "Can we prove what it was?" Xander got into his phone, then handed it over when he found a picture. "Oh, that is that species of fairies. Oh, dear." He let his assistant save down all the pictures and files on the phone then handed it back. "That way we can go over other species we had thought might be extinct that you may have run into."

Xander shrugged but grinned. "In there are film from battles too. Including one that I had to pull two baby slayers out of by their hair. *Someone* decided they should handle it at eight. *Someone* ended up running into the battle to get away from me fixing his mind for him. The girls got dragged out because they were battle lost and then I sent them to one's mom to talk to them and get them help. Their own parents moved near that one to make sure their girls were safe again. That country apologized to them too when I had a fit on their top general for expecting kids to do it for them. The person who had that plan got to suddenly retire far *far* away from the baby slayers."

Waller smiled. "Good! It's a wonderful thing our girls get to grow up now. Before, I couldn't do much to shield the girls but now we expect them to grow up and be women as long as they can."

"I fully expect to see their grandkids and to protest them naming some after me," Xander quipped with a grin. "If they don't make that I get to scowl until they beg to be reborn or come back as a future mini's guardian angel."

"That is good for the girls," Waller agreed, smiling at him. "Most of us older ones consider you very reactive and hyper over the girls but I can see why you are."

"Because little girls should be little girls who play with cute animals and bigger girls who're old enough to be in battles shouldn't be saving the world by themselves," Xander said. "And I'll retire when all the vampires are gone. They started their own war there." He looked at Leo Fitz, who looked amused. "They did. The rest, I'll handle as long as I can." Something outside roared and he sighed, getting up to look. He opened the window. "What the hell are you doing? This is an embassy, Fred!"

Fred the demon stared at him. "My daughter is here! I come to reclaim her so she has to answer to her mother for being mouthy!"

"Your daughter's an adult and they can argue later, when you're not prompting Marines to beg for backup. Please?"

"Fine. I will wait until she comes out tonight. We will straighten out her willfulness."

"Is it possible she's right?"

"Her mother...."

"Every being is wrong at least once," Xander said patiently. "If your daughter is wrong this time, then you can nag her where Marines aren't going to shoot you."

"Fine!" He huffed and glared at the building. "We will speak when she comes home tonight."

"If it's about her boyfriend, agree to meet him over a weekend. He might grow on you," Xander said patiently.

"No! She's not allowed that yet. Her mother complains that she dresses like a slayer."

Xander burst out laughing. "That's how girls get boyfriends, Fred. Let her dress like Faith, not like Buffy."

"Her mother was worried that I would have to let her destroy some boys instead of doing so myself." His daughter came out to glare at him. "You are young and we know best."

"You do not and if you don't quit I'll start going naked!"

He leaned down. "Your mother's people do such but they wear much jewelry instead. We would have to find some for you if you wish to switch to her ways. You may still not wear that striped skirt. Ask the Xander." He pointed.

"Xander, isn't this a cute outfit?" she called.

He sat on the windowsill to see her. "Skirt's too short in the back, dear. And it looks like it's a size too small." She covered the back and blushed. "Otherwise, you have cute knees. It's not modest but it's cute. Buffy would definitely wear it." She pouted. "Dress like Faith or Kennedy, dear. They both have taste and no booty skirts."

"I can do that," she sighed. "Let me go put on tights."

"Or single color leggings," Xander offered with a grin. "Really tight ones that would match the shirt. Let the skirt be the color in your outfit." She smiled and nodded going to find some of those. Xander looked at the father. "All girls do that sometimes," he said patiently. "In the slayers they get it from the imprint that came from Buffy. The girls get leather pants from Faith." Fred snorted but patted him on the head before leaving so he could nag his daughter later. Xander looked out. "Guys, that little purple cute thing is deadly," he called. "And if you puncture it, gas leaks out that can kill you." They found it and got a box to put over it. Thankfully it died when not allowed access to sunlight. Xander came in and shut the window, shrugging at Waller. "Those little purple giggly things. You had one on the gate."

"Those are annoying," he said. "We'll work up how to trap them later. Thank you for diffusing that situation."

"All the girls have clothing fights about 'it's not that short'," Xander said dryly, sitting down again. "Even Buffy's told a few that they looked tacky. Which said something considering Buffy was wearing something ho short that day." He rubbed his forehead. "She called up on video call since Giles refused to answer that fight and Andrew hid in the freezer instead." The young demon came in. "That looks cute. Good job." She hugged him and kissed him on the cheek before handing over a can of soda and leaving again. He grinned, opening the soda to take a drink. "I had ramen last night for dinner. Thankfully I found that new ramen shop."

"You are definitely not the usual sort that we see," Dr. Fitz said.

Xander smiled. "Of course I'm not. No one really normal ever came from Sunnydale." He took a sip then put the can on a coaster on the desk.

"So we've heard. I'll bring this to our current director."

"Holderson?" Xander guessed. "Seen him recently."

"He was HYDRA."

"Then it's a good thing I blew up their base when they tried to take a baby slayer," he quipped with a grin.

"Coulson is in charge."

"Hmm. He's not bad from what I've heard around but too mired in the upper levels of bullshit that they used to give." Xander shrugged. "Glad it's not me, Doctor Fitz. You have fun with that."

"I shall. Thank you, Mr. Harris." He shook his hand. The agent who had been in the corner and had sat there being quiet once she woke up left together.

Xander looked at Waller, shrugging some. "At least they're not trying to take us over too. I'd hate to be corporate."

"We'd hate to see you doing that too, lad." He smiled at him. "Go relax. We don't have a problem for a day."

"Day and a half. Tomorrow at dusk when the wedding's going to happen and then the reception will have fights." He took his soda and smiled at him before leaving. He paused at the young woman's desk, looking over her shoulder. "The blue set," he told her. "Very Faith like." She grinned up at him. "And on your hip shape they'll look better." He patted her on the arm. "Tell Fred I said to calm down. At least you're not introducing him to the boyfriend that you're pregnant by like Cynthia did." He left, going back to his truck and then his hotel.

"True, my mother would eat both of us if I did like Slayer Cynthia," she agreed to herself. Her boss came out to glare at her. She shrugged. "Dad's totally into embarrassment sometimes. I'm sorry he did that."

"That's fine. Find a way to trap the purple things."

"We've got that one dying in a box. We can use more boxes since they easily suffocate that way." He nodded, going to tell others that.

***

Xander was out to watch the wedding to make sure people didn't make it an emergency, finding a guy where he was going to bum a tire swing. He climbed on top, letting himself swing slightly. "So," he said. "Watching the wedding?"

"One of my targets may be down there."

Xander stared at him until the guy looked at him. "It's a wedding. Wait until he's drunk and leaving the reception? We don't need them to panic."

"No, I'd never do that to the couple. They're innocents."

Xander grinned. "Thanks." He swung for a few more minutes. "So, since I used to read the comic books." The guy groaned. Xander looked at him again. "You good?"

"No."

"Okay. Anything I can help with?"

"Not really."

Xander nodded. "It sucks sometimes. We all seem to turn harder and more cynical with age and battles. I kinda miss my fun days when it was all comics and RC cars."

"I... You don't know me. The comics weren't right."

Xander got down and walked over to stand in front of him. "And then again, you used to play poker in the same circuit that I play poker in."

"You still don't know me."

"No, I never fully met you. Heard about the mind control from the one who was also under mind control." Clint flinched, staring at him. "Yeah. He was. Sucks, and it's horrible, but at least you weren't taken as a favorite slave."

"No, not that way," he agreed quietly.

"Have you talked to someone like Corrisander?"

"Who?"

"In the poker circuit in New York. Abel Corrisander. He's a former officer and then left to handle things that the NYPD refused to. Used to be a part-time hunter and PI. Did a few freelance problem handling. Then he realized he had killed people, a lot of people, and turned to fixing himself. Now he's a non-licensed therapist who deals with a lot of officers who need it after shootings. He's out in Spanish Harlem if I heard right."

"That's...therapy?"

"Hey, sometimes you gotta talk to someone," Xander said. "Get it outside of yourself. I talk to my truck a lot when I have to complain about the slayers doing the wrong things. Because if I yell at them they cry and then I get yelled at by Buffy for trying to keep them from doing bad or stupid things."

"What about the bigger things?"

Xander shrugged. "My truck hears those too. If I was closer to New York I'd go to Corrisander too. Not like most others want to hear about battle stress and help you cure it if you can't get out of the field." He looked at the wedding and pulled his rifle out of his bag. He shot the one bothering the wedding, drawing some attention but they went back to the vows since he wasn't going to threaten anyone again. He put it over his shoulder. "Sometimes humanity sucks," he said. "And they're the problem instead of higher demons. And I hate that but sometimes you gotta do the job and then go get shit roaring drunk to forget them."

"Maybe you should travel to New York, kid."

Xander grinned. "Yeah, probably. But I have a truck for that." He stared at him. "Corrisander had to step into an end times attempt at a battle," he said quietly. "And nearly lost humanity." He patted him on the arm. "He'd understand and let you talk. If you can't get or stay in New York, ask him about others. Or the poker circuit. They kinda miss you. They don't have anyone to gossip about anymore." He walked off. "Let me go stop the military guy."

"I can do that, kid."

"Nah. They already know me." He grinned slightly at him. "Had to have this talk before." He trotted down there, positioning himself in front of the church. "A wedding is a sacred neutral territory. This isn't Game of Thrones and we will not have a Red Wedding," he told the military group. "Leave them alone."

"Human, if you are," one sneered.

"Oh, I'm sorry, do you not recognize me as the head watcher in Africa?" A few of them backed up looking scared. "Shoo, people. And I use that term lightly in your case. You're interrupting a happy occasion full of peaceful beings." They pulled up weapons. Xander shrugged. "Ooh. Yay," he said blandly. "You have guns." From behind them their truck blew up. "Hmm. Thanks," he called. A woman came out from inside. "No, inside. They're not here in peace and no wedding should start with blood." She kissed him on the cheek. "Thank you, D'nar." She went back inside. Xander stared at them. Local police showed up and Xander waved. "They're trying to interrupt this wedding, people. They're being quite rude at a peaceful event."

"They're demons!" one shouted with a point. "In a church!"

"Many demons do attend church. They just came from other realms so someone decided they had to be evil," Xander said dryly, staring at him. "You're an idiot and you were born here. People like you are demons to many and aren't peaceful." The officers dragged them off. "Thanks, guys." He put his gun onto his back again. Bells rang out and he smiled. "The wedding's done. They're going to the reception and we'll make sure they have a peaceful one without fights." An officer stomped over. "I'm protecting this wedding. Weddings are neutral areas. Everyone here is at peace."

"They should probably flee. Most normal people would complain."

"Since this church is their church," Xander said dryly. "Those complaining sorts should probably go to their own and pray for forgiveness. Being from another realm isn't necessarily bad or making them evil. They just look different."

"I understand that. Get them clear and to a more quiet area?"

"The reception's at someone's house," Xander admitted. He looked back, waving out the priest. "Can they get to the reception safely?"

"We had planned to walk there as the tradition states," the bride said, coming to the doorway. "We can ride if we must, Hunter."

"I'm Xander, dear." She moaned. "I'm here to make sure this didn't happen since peaceful happiness is great." She smiled and nodded, getting out of the way. She did get shot at and got grazed but Xander got the guy who did it with a thrown knife. He came up to look at her side. "Let me get a bandage," he said quietly. "It's not bad." He accepted some bandages from the local officers and handled that for her. "I wish upon you that this is the worst thing that will happen in your married lives," he said in her native language, making her sniffle and hug him.

"Go be in peace and happy lives. I'll guard on the way there too." They nodded and the wedding party strolled off as tradition stated they should. The officers mostly followed to make sure they didn't have problems. There was one but he ran from Xander. One tried to shoot at the house but got the door. The officers got him down and out too. The happy couple thanked them all and went in to celebrate. And they wouldn't probably have any fights because no one wanted that tonight. Xander faded off, going back to his hotel. He could have a few beers and mourn that he had to take out that one person, but he had deserved it.

Clint called in about that, letting Natasha know. She was horribly bitchy about Harris but he had done the right thing. Clint wasn't sure what was wrong with Natasha this time. She wouldn't tell him. Maybe she should see that Corrisander guy.

***

Clint looked at the man in front of him. "No, I wasn't going to bother him. He was stopping humans from turning a wedding into a massacre. That's the right thing to do. Sometimes the humans are the problems, Steve." He walked off shaking his head. "I hope you figure that out." He walked into the other room, nodding at them since they were staring at him. "Apparently Steve wanted a wedding to turn into a massacre because they were demons." He walked past them shaking his head. "I'm going to play some poker. Some I used to play with are local." He left, sneaking out before Steve could stop him. He found the demon bar and walked in. "Poker hall?" he asked the bartender politely.

"We don't usually allow humans." Clint pulled off his hood. "Oh, we've heard of you. In the back room, sir."

"Thank you." Clint tipped him and went back there. He sat down across from someone he used to know. "You survived."

"Barely. Thankfully the Slayer Faith had a wish owed that helped undo it." He stared at him. "You were with the Knight earlier."

"He protected the wedding."

"Good. He is good to the peaceful ones." The others in the room all nodded. "Ante in."

"Thanks, guys. I seem to be around judgmental people suddenly."

"Did the Knight really yell at your former partner about how she nearly got two mini slayers in Europe killed?" someone from another table asked. "If so, it was bravely stupid of him."

Clint frowned. "She did what?" That one turned around to tell him. "I did not know she did that. Are those two all right? Rescued?"

"Yes. Someone Council rescued his trainees. Those two are not on patrol status, they're still mentally not competent to handle it. One's married and he's helped her."

"I had no idea about any of that and if she did that, she was wrong," Clint said firmly. They smiled at him. "If Harris yelled at her, good on him. I will be." He went back to the game.

"There are higher ups with bad ideas," the dealer quipped. "I would wait to go back until they work them out. The thing in charge of your people thinks that Xander wants to support him. That will be a bad idea."

"Huh?" Clint asked.

"The one in charge of your people heard about him taking out skrulls and rescuing others. He has not done any research, like usual, and thinks that the Knight would like him to reward him for support."

"SHIELD?"

"No, your country, not your group."

"Oh, fuck. Has anyone warned the kid?" They all shook their heads. "I'll find him tomorrow morning and warn him."

"He will have a fit," the dealer warned, smiling at him. "Perhaps a laughing one. We hope. The Menace tried to wish him in charge of things outside the slayers but we all ignored her."

Fred stomped in and got dealt into a game. "The Knight was wise to disarm my daughter's pout."

"He guarded the wedding."

"Those of us who were there to do so saw him being bravely stupid. It shows his compassion for the peaceful ones." He looked at Clint, nodding. "Some of your sort were here yesterday to talk to him."

"SHIELD?"

"Yes. He's cute but stronger than he seems. Some sort of geek."

"Huh. I'm not in SHIELD anymore. Not since they fell apart. I need to hear what's going on I guess."

"Good luck," the dealer said with a smile. "Many are wary that only the harshest survived."

"I hope not. Who's in charge? Hill?"

"No, the loyal one." Clint put down the cards, staring at him. The dealer smiled at him. "The one who revived him is still around also. He's pretending to be dead while handling some idiots who claim to worship hydras."

"Fury's alive?" They all nodded. "Coulson's in charge? I know he was dead."

"They did things that made him stink like that new one who controls earth skills," another one said with a shrug. "We know not why."

"I'm so going to find them and talk to them tomorrow," Clint decided. He finished his game and tipped the dealer with a smile. "Thank you for that information."

"Ask the Knight. He knows of the formerly dead one."

"I can do that. Thank you." He left, going to the hotel Xander was in. He snuck into his room and settled into a chair to wait on the guy to wake up. It gave him time to think about things.

Xander blinked at him once. "If you weren't peaceful to me, the wards I put up would've eaten you." He went back to dozing. "Sleep. You need rest. You're more tired than I am. Not like I'll jump you if you sleep."

"You know where Fury is."

"Hmm. South of here but on the west coast. Near that bay where I had to fight off the pirates." He yawned and flipped over. "Nap. We can talk when it's closer to daylight."

"I'm good."

Xander sat up to glare at him. "Not like I'll pounce, dude. Just lay down and nap somewhere. The tub, the floor, the other side of the bed, whatever. I need to sleep and I can't do that when you're staring at me." Clint huffed but did lay down on the floor. "Thank you!" He laid back down and went back to sleep. Clint waited but he did drift off. He needed a rest more than he thought. He had been angry and fighting for too long. Of course, he had a slight nightmare but a hand petting his hair stopped it. He sighed and drifted deeper again. Xander laid back down and went back to sleep now that things were calmer again.

***

Xander drove Clint to an overlook and pointed. It had taken a few days of quiet traveling with the radio on. "It looks like a wreck but the lower levels are infested with Fury and his sort." He looked at him. "For a supposedly dead guy he's shown up in a few places."

"Did you know about Coulson?" he asked quietly.

"Who?"

"The guy in charge of SHIELD."

"Oh, him. I've heard some decent things but also that he's political and an ass kicker but within the rules."

"He didn't used to be so rule bound."

"Is that because the higher ups had bad ideas or because he wanted to be?"

"Mostly...the first," Clint said quietly. He spotted a guard and sneered. "Great, he survived. That sucks."

Xander patted him on the arm. "The good ones always die young. Then we look at them as road signs or martyrs. Or they get comic books written about them."

Clint snorted, looking at him. "We all hated those."

Xander grinned. "Oh well. It gave guys like me a role model to look up when we jumped into a battle that should've killed us."

"Why do you hunt? Beyond the girls doing it on their own?"

"The first thing I knew about all this, my best male friend, the one I'd known since I could walk, was taken by one and we didn't get him back. You?"

"It was SHIELD or jail," he admitted. "Then it got more personal."

Xander nodded. "I'll retire or die of it some year. Something like that, but another me won't be made."

"I know that feeling." He spotted an agent coming up behind them and got out to go beat them. The guy behind him blinked and waved a hand. "Fitz?"

"Yes. Simmons and I both work with Coulson. We heard you were coming this way."

"I want to have a talk with Fury."

"Hmm. Coulson would too." Xander got out. "Mr. Harris."

"I'm just transportation. In about an hour I need to drive off into the sunset to handle a portal event in a few countries over."

Clint grinned at him. "Seriously?"

"Yeah. Someone wants his daughter-in-law to show up and the regional military is panicking. Not sure if she's peaceful or not. We have to figure it out." He shrugged and turned, hitting the agent coming up to talk to him. "Hi, how're you?" he quipped.

"He's a shithead," Clint complained. "He should've died instead of good agents." He looked at Fitz. "I wanted to talk to your boss too."

"We'd have to protect him. We hate him being injured, Barton. Things go to hell when May takes over." Clint stared at him. Fitz took a step back. "Fury said so."

"Yeah, we're going to talk to him," Clint said.

"With who?" Nick Fury demanded as he walked up to them. Clint pulled a gun and pointed it at him. "You don't want to do that, Barton. Even if you're back under control..."

Xander walked up and punched him. "He's not under control. He's angry. Normal, thinking people are angry at what you've created and had done. Especially since you let him hang himself instead of getting him help after mind control by someone who was already under control."

"We couldn't...."

"Bull fucking shit. If the *witch* could send someone into a rage against innocents and make him attack a town, she could ease the horrors this one saw thanks to being under control of an intergalactic shiny thing." Fury tried to get up so Xander kicked him. "No, you stay down. You don't have the right to stand in the presence of men, Fury. Not with how you've went after my minis or anything else you've tried to *arrange* around here that nearly got decent people killed so you could have access to a problem. Goddess damn, dude, even the sixties had better people than you!" He walked off shaking his head. "And don't you *dare* come near my minis again or I'll have this talk with artillery next time."

"You can't do that, Harris," he sneered. Xander pulled out a grenade to bounce in his hand. Fury backed away. "I have a reason..."

"And you're thinking the normals are expendable and the slayers are toss away warriors. Always have. Leave. My. People. Alone. This is your only warning." He tossed the grenade at Clint. A demon showed up. "You can get revenge on him later. I have to finish yelling at him for coming near one of my mini slayers."

"Your mini slayer is down there, Knight." Xander looked at him. "Ki...."

Xander pulled out something and blew it toward the building, dissolving it. "Hey, there you are. Ki!" he called with a wave. "Let me shoot them for you!" She ran off to come get him. "How did you get here?"

"One of those green ones gave me over. Idiots!" she sneered. She stared at the guys behind the truck. "Are they with the bad people, Xander?"

"No. Not at the moment. That's Dr. Fitz, the one that the mini in Europe looks up to. The other is Clint Barton, who was a comic book hero I used to look up to." He cuddled her. "Need medical?"

"No. I'm good. My mother has to be screaming."

"If she's hurt I'm going to stomp on others," Xander promised, handing her his phone once he had dialed. "Not like I mind blowing up green alien mother fuckers." He put her into the truck and shut the door, looking at Fury, then at Clint. "Need help?"

"No, take her home." He looked tense.

Xander grinned and handed him the weapons from the back. "You have a good talk. I'll get him later if you let him walk off." He checked his watch. "I have to see if someone immigrating is evil or not. She's not on the way," he muttered, considering it. "She can stay in the truck I guess." He sighed as he got in and drove off. "Tell your mom it'll be tonight. I have to stop someone from panicking about an immigrating demon."

"Is it an evil one?"

"I'm not sure. Someone wants his daughter-in-law so he can have grandkids finally. The local military people are panicking."

"Ooooh." She told her mother that and promised she'd be super careful and hopefully stay in the truck.

"If possible. Though I might introduce you to Morta. He's decent enough and mostly helpful." He turned on the radio as he drove, making her giggle and go back to talking to her mother. Thankfully he had unlimited minutes on his phone but he knew he'd need it since he worked with girls.

Clint looked at Fitz. "I'm really confused by Harris."

"So are we. Coulson was having a headache imagining him as your little brother."

"I might've liked that." He hit Fury again when he tried to get up. "We still have to talk."

"I...."

"Yeah, shut up." He hit him again. The other agents just walked away. This was between them and Fitz could call his new boss about it by himself. Their version of SHIELD didn't have geeks to trip over anymore.

***

Xander walked up to the portal area, nodding at the woman coming over. "Hi. We got asked to talk to you before you panic people." He shook her hand. "Are there others coming, miss?"

"My maid. She'll be our nanny." She laid a hand on her pregnant stomach. "This way I'm with my husband."

"I fully agree that family things are great. We know about your father-in-law and that he's peaceful. Your husband usually is too but he's got a temper. The humans are panicking because they don't know about you."

Her maid came over. "We are both peaceful but will protect our child, Hunter."

"Watcher," he corrected. "Xander Harris, we rebuilt the old Council so they're good."

She looked at the baby slayer talking to someone then at him. "You have?"

"I rescued her from agents and didn't have time to drop her off. She's been talking to your father-in-law." She smiled and nodded. "She's a good girl. So I'm going to ask bluntly, in the presence of this truth stone," he said, holding it up. "Please make a vow that you will not attack the normal, average people."

"I will not attack anyone who is not attacking us," the maid said.

"I will not attack anyone who is not attacking my family," the wife said.

Xander nodded, looking at the general. "It shows she speaks the truth."

"That's fine," the general agreed. He spotted someone landing. "Oh, dear."

Xander sighed. "Judgmental idiots," he muttered. "Morta, guard Ki," he called. She looked and hid behind him. "Can we get them home?"

"We can," the general said. "We can go there to do the immigration paperwork we'll need." He walked them off to where the husband and father-in-law were waiting. "Slayer Ki, your watcher is going to your house next."

"Cool! Maybe we can stop in on Morry?"

Xander shrugged as he walked over. "It's on the way but your mother will have fits. We'll pause there for lunch though. Check on her and see if she'll come play next week."

"That'll be great. Thank you, Xander." She looked up at the pregnant lady. "I hope your baby's as cute as I am and as good for people as I want to be some day."

She smiled and hugged her. "Thank you, Slayer Ki. That's very sweet of you." She patted the girl on the head. "You should be safe."

"I should but the truck stinks because we got things thrown at us. It smells really gross and I was going to get sick."

"It'll air out as we drive," Xander reminded her. "Thanks, Morta."

"She's sweet. I'm glad you could rescue her from those asshole agents, Xander." They shook hands. "Thank you for helping her."

"I'm all about happy, peaceful people living good lives. The world could use more of them." The military watching all nodded. "Guys, can you make sure they get home? Morta rides a bike."

"I borrowed my neighbor's car for this," Morta said with a smile for his daughter-in-law. "You need to ride better and we could not all squeeze onto my motorcycle." She nodded, letting him lead them off. The military guys escorted them home to do the paperwork they'd need.

Xander got Ki into the truck and rolled down the window partway. "There, it'll stink less soon." He shut and locked the door. He turned and found an agent there. "I had to rescue her from some of your kind earlier. Didn't have time to get her home." He shrugged, walking around the front to get in and drive off. "Call Morry so she knows we'll be there about one so you can talk to her and go potty?"

"I can do that!" She wiggled to the music playing as she called and they drove off. "Those hero sorts are bad?"

"Not all. Some but not all."

"Hmm. Well, hopefully we'll quit running into them soon. I don't need to see more bad people in my life."

"No you do not and someday soon I'm going to end up blowing up a few to keep them away from the older girls." She snorted. He grinned at her. "We will." She nodded, chatting with her sister slayer.

The one that had gotten in Xander's way looked at a remaining military person. "He was taking her home?" Sam Wilson asked the soldier who had stayed behind the group.

"One of those green ones kidnaped her from her new home. Her mother was screaming for hours. By the rumors, he rescued her from SHIELD sorts who had her hostage thanks to the alien ones. She lives down further now. He got here late from picking her up."

"Then he's good to the girls?"

"The girls are not allowed to do anything but protect themselves until they're adult women. He threw a fit at some parents who tried to make them. They went to school and their parents had many talks that led to them being better at it." He smiled. "Watcher Harris is very much the big brother to the slayers he trains." He walked off. "We did not need this sort of help but thank you for showing up."

"Why did they create a full portal?"

"There's no immigration points near here," the soldier called back. "He would've had to travel for days and paid more for her to come legally."

"Oh, that reason. Sure. Thank you. Let us know if you need us." The soldier smiled and waved before getting into his jeep and driving off. He looked at the others. "I can see why they did the portal that way instead."

Steve grimaced. "There's a lot of demons."

"Who are peaceful," Sam reminded him. "All the slayers respect peaceful peoples, even if they're from somewhere else. The ones in Cleveland play poker with their version."

Steve nodded slowly. "But the bad ones...."

"There's bad of all species, Steve," he reminded him. "We saw humans attacking a wedding for happening. Just because they were different. You fought nazis for years who were just as human. Jewish folk have been fighting for their own ways since time began for them since everyone thought they were wrong and most of those that held them down were human too." He shrugged. "We fought for civil rights and are still fighting. Just because they're funny looking doesn't mean anything to most of us."

"I get that. I just worry that it's going to be a problem."

"Mostly stopping humans from being the problem or those from elsewhere trying to take over Africa again. They've fought that for generations." He walked back to their jet. "As Princess Shuri points out, there's been colonizers and wannabe ones for centuries."

"Thankfully he's not one," Steve agreed. He got onto the jet. "Do you think he's bought somewhere to live down here?"

"I think, since he travels all the time, he's got a truck," Sam said. He buckled himself in. "I'm in. Steve's standing so probably fine." The pilot took off to bring them back to their current base on the outskirts of Wakanda. Steve was still hovering over Bucky but the rest of them ignored it for now.

***

Nick Fury called up his protege that night, looking pretty rough. "I ran into Barton," he said at the stare he got. "He knows you're alive."

"I'll expect him to show up and punch me as well, Nick. He did all that?"

"Harris did some. We rescued one of his girls from a skrull and he overreacted."

"I doubt that's an overreaction with the way the files have painted SHIELD in relation to his slayers in the past." Nick Fury blinked. "I went looking after I sent Fitz to talk to him about the skrull threats he's seen. He has every reason to believe we are the problem since we were. We did leave Sunnydale alone, even though we knew there was a lot of problems. Including the army doing things that HYDRA appreciated.

"We did endanger some of the young pre-called slayers during ops. Including when Natasha gave two of them to the Russian mob during an op to get their attention. Thankfully their people rescued them since she didn't get a chance to." Nick winced. "SHIELD proved that it was the bad idea, even worse than the old Council was. So now we have to build some trust since we have to work together to save everyone. Any other good news?"

"The base we were using is down. Harris blew it up to get his girl back."

Coulson nodded, smiling some. "He's young. It's easier for him to do it by himself."

"He brought Barton. And what's wrong with him?" he demanded.

"He got to see his whole family, including his children, turn to dust in front of him because the Avengers lost." Nick Fury winced. "I'm told he went to find out why."

"Yeah, he's changed methods and uniforms completely. He barely speaks too."

"I'll talk to him when he breaks in here. Thanks for the warning. Any other charming news?"

"Someone gossiped that the president thinks Harris will support him."

"He's more likely to work against him. Though, if I fall, I'll suggest him for this seat. He can clearly do the work and he can integrate and protect the slayers better that way."

"I doubt it," Fury ordered.

Coulson smiled slightly and hung up on him. He looked behind him out the window. No Clint yet so probably tomorrow or the next day, depending on how he was traveling. He went to his suite to lay down and found him in there. "I figured you'd sneak into the office to beat me in there."

"I don't want to tangle with May." He stared at him. "So you're the director?"

"At the moment. The president wants to change that." He took off his sweater and put it on the back of a chair. "Nice job leaving Fury alive." Clint shrugged. "Are the kids back, Clint?" he asked quietly.

"Yeah," he said, sitting up. "They are. Thankfully."

"I'm glad. No one deserves that."

"No. No one should ever have to think they killed the ones they loved." Phil winced. "How long?"

"A few months later. I begged him to stop and he didn't."

"Good old Fury," Clint agreed. Phil nodded. "I'm not going to take you out."

"I'm surprised you let Fury live."

"He had agents there that didn't need to see that. I'll get him next time."

Phil nodded, coming over to sit on the foot of his bed. "I thought you might've caught sight of me handling the aftermath in London but I didn't get any contact so I guessed not."

He shook his head. "I avoided all those."

"I understand why." He reached out to pat him on the wrist. "You look exhausted. Want to rest and talk in the morning?"

"You and Harris both said that."

Coulson smiled. "That's good to know. The president was thinking about putting him in charge of SHIELD. I have no idea how he'd work that with the slayers."

"He gave me the name of a therapist."

"It could be a good thing. I know it's not your usual thing but you could probably use someone besides Natasha to talk to."

"She's...weird. Very weird."

"She's gotten back to where she was only on her own side, Clint. She tried to play Stark against Rogers and lost both. She's been on Rogers' side when it wasn't right." He sighed but nodded. "I know you were too." He nodded. "And now?"

"I have those I have to protect."

Coulson nodded. "That's a good place to be. It focuses you but you could probably use someone to talk to. You know you can talk to me."

"I think there's a bridge there," Clint said, staring at him.

"I get that. Fury did break our team up. He should have gotten you help."

"Harris pointed out Loki was under control of the stone."

He considered it then nodded. "He could have been. I doubt we'll ever know."

Clint swallowed and nodded. "I...."

"Hey." Clint stared at him. "I'm here even if you're going back to the old ways before SHIELD." Clint slumped but nodded. "I accept being talked to too if you want. It wouldn't be the first time. Even when I'm on missions I can sometimes answer the phone." Clint nodded at that. Then he got up. Phil pulled him back down. "Rest on the couch, Barton. It's safe to sleep here."

"Harris did the same thing," he complained but went to the couch to curl up with his swords.

Coulson shook his head. "At least that makes him a good person." He got ready and went to bed himself, laying there watching Clint pretend to sleep. Clint clearly needed help. Counseling at the least. He could work on getting him some. Then get him back home to his family. They needed him and he needed to be there. That's where he belonged.

***

Xander shot at the guys running from him and then looked at the guy who landed in his mechanized suit. "Not your fight this time, sorry."

"I can jump in. Stop them from running."

"I'm letting them run because it'll lead back to their camp, where they have hostages."

"Oh, okay then." He called that in and nodded. "They stopped Cap from stopping them on the outskirts of town."

"Thanks." Xander called in to his local military contact, getting a nod back. "They're following them into the forest. So hopefully they'll find some missing people." He texted someone. "The local demons are going to help track them. A few of their daughters are missing too. No, don't let Bert eat them. Make them suffer in prison," he said as he typed that. Stark was laughing. "It'd serve them right but wouldn't stop more. Them saying how horrible prison is might." He looked at a staring higher level demon, shrugging. "Tell Bert I said to calm down. He can eat the ones that military doesn't take into custody as long as they're not former hostages who got mind screwed."

"I can do that, Knight. Why are you jumping into this one?"

Xander waved a hand around. "Does this look like a town I might be familiar with?"

"Oh, one of your minis is here."

"Yeah. She's worried they'll come for her or her sister. Their family refused to move to somewhere safer so we're doing the right thing." He shrugged, walking off. "I hate beings who do those things anyway. Tell Bert to have some root beer and wait it out. There'll be some left."

"I will do so. What about the battle you're missing?"

Xander paused to stare at him. "What battle I'm missing?" The higher level demon stepped away from him. "Hmmm. What battle I'm missing?" he repeated patiently.

"The one by Morry?"

Xander called her. "Morry, what's this I hear about a battle near you? Oh, humans. Yeah, not my job unless I have to. Any of those green idiots that really seem to like Ki?" He listened, bobbing his head. "Okay. Well, hide and if you have to evacuate do so. Call me once you're on the road and I'll head down there tonight. If the military guys down there need me, let them tell me." He grinned. "Good girl. Have fun with your new baby goat, dear." He hung up.

"Stupid humans," he told the demon. "Not my job unless they make it my job. But thanks. Sometimes Morry has to be reminded of the smart and wise things to do when emergencies happen. She's got jump in problems way too young." The demon bowed and left. Xander popped his neck then sighed. "I need to find a chiropractor." He walked off shaking his head. He winced when his neck popped again but at least it felt better again.

Stark stared at the guy's back, shaking his own head. He didn't know many people like him. He called the team, who was helping track the stupid humans here. They found their base, helping the military raid it. Stark flew there to help with the gathering of victims. He stopped Rhodey from going near one. "We don't know that they're not brainwashed or that they haven't fitted explosives on them. Let me scan for bombs first." He did that and pointed at two. "They have bombs." One burst out crying, shaking her head. "And I don't think she agreed to do that."

"It's a problem they've done many times," one of the soldiers agreed. "We can't send them home until we know if they now agree."

"You can undo brainwashing," Stark said. The soldiers nodded they knew that. He spotted one girl on the ground, going over to her.

"No, she's boobytraped," a soldier called.

Stark waved a gloved hand. "Hey, princess," he said, letting his suit translate it. "Can we get that bomb off you?" She didn't answer. He frowned but got the vest off and tossed it to the soldier waiting on it. "Who beat her?"

"Her supposed husband when she refused to put it on," one of the women said. Another woman hit at her. "He did! Mine tried the same thing and the only reason I'm not on the ground is he'd hate to lose his son I'll have ripped from me as soon as I find someone who can!"

Stark came over, looking at her. "She's really young."

"She is," she agreed, putting a hand on her stomach. "We did not want to be here, any of us, originally."

"That's called brain washing," Stark agreed. He put a hand on her stomach to use the sensors. "You're about three months in." She grimaced but nodded. "And it's twins, too early to tell the sex." She slumped. He looked at the soldiers.

"We have doctors. I do not know of what you speak," he said bluntly. "Nor will I ever." Stark nodded, letting her go. They loaded the young one up to be carried with the others.

Steve turned to look at Stark. "They could be forced back."

"Like Bucky was?" Stark asked bitterly. "No, they don't have code words, Steve. They have captivity. They have Stockholm syndrome. They have beating and raping until you give in. Groups like this trashy ass bunch of zealots are like that all around the world, no matter what their religion. This one's just a side project of a bigger group of zealots who turned terrorist to get their viewpoints in the lead." He walked off.

"Did you worry the same way about people you freed from prison camps back in the day? They're the same thing. HYDRA's not into religion, they can't warp it to prove themselves right." He scanned the woods, going to help with some of the ones who escaped. Mostly some of the women who were more recently taken or in better health. The ones in the village all had marks from cuffs. He got near a group. "Hey, I'm an American. We're not part of that group. It's safe," he called to them. They stared. "C'mon, ladies. Let's get you to medical attention."

"They treat us as if we're foul," one sneered. "All men are the same."

"Sometimes, yeah. Not all of us though. There's soldiers out here and the remains of this camp. Let's get you to safety? And medical attention?" They got led off to where some of the women were waiting. A few got hugs from the older women. "Can you guys protect each other?" They all nodded. A soldier came over dragging a woman. Stark shot at his feet. "Is it her fault she got captured and kidnaped?"

"No," the soldier slumped. "They still did not get free."

"Could you have?"

"I..."

Stark held up a hand. "She's wearing marks from handcuffs and ankle restraints. She's a good thirty pounds below what a woman her height should weigh to be healthy. She's coughing like she's got tuberculosis. Could you have gotten free?" The soldier slumped. "They're *victims*. Sure, some have been brainwashed into liking it, but not all and the rest of them probably have families or someone who would like them back."

"Their families will say they're soiled," the soldier sneered.

"Only if they're like you." A higher officer came over. "Is he allowed to do that?"

"No," he admitted. "But some blame women for not being able to protect themselves when they were never taught how to do so by men like him." He glared at the soldier. Who let her go to the other women. "We do have medical professionals who will be treating them, Mr. Stark. Thank you for your help."

"I hate people like this group and their overseeing group of morons. I did even before one of them took me hostage." He saluted him and flew off. "Let me know if you need my help."

The officer looked at the group. "Get them back to our camp, get them seen to by the doctors. Any who are pregnant they can take care of."

One woman burst out crying, shaking her head. Another woman cuddled her. "She was pregnant when stolen," she noted. "They killed her husband when they took her. They were on their way back with captives when they found them driving and decided she'd do because she was looking at a magazine." The soldiers both winced but nodded. She got the others into the truck so they could go to be examined and hopefully released home. That one was always guarded. She had wanted the child.

Steve Rogers looked at Sam Wilson when he landed. "I..."

"Yeah, they're like war camps you freed," he agreed with a nod. "Al Queda and all their sorts are assholes using religion to justify their idiocy, and they do take slaves. To them slavery's just fine." Steve grimaced. "The same as Stark was right. The ladies need help for the brainwashing and probably won't get enough. Things can be thin in this area. No one wants to work with war crime victims, even in the US." He walked off. "I cleared my sector of all but some fuzzy things in a tree," he reported. "They had teeth so I'm guessing they'd bite if bothered."

"Many things do out here," he agreed. Sam smiled. "Thank you for the help."

"If I can help again, let me know. I work with soldiers every day." He shook his hand. Steve came over to say about the same thing and they left together. Stark wasn't there when they got back but that happened sometimes. He found things to do or that needed to be done.

Stark was back at the soldier's camp getting the women sorted out so they all got treatment and the help they needed and wanted. He got that one personally. "This one got taken from her husband a few months ago," he said quietly to the nurse, who nodded. "It's her actual husband's child, not her hostage taker's."

"Some women want to keep their children due to religion so we won't have a problem. We can mark that it's from her actual family." She said that to the woman who started to cry again. She got her into a room and calmed down. Stark sent in the older woman to help her since she was basically the mother figure right now. That helped calm that one and a few younger women down.

A general walked over. "Mr. Stark, we need to see if you can help with a problem. We cannot always get information to their families. Not all have phones or internet connections."

"Aren't there victim finding groups where their families check?"

"For the younger but not the older ones."

"Okay, can we have one of them do the same thing for the older ones or do we need to set up a way to look it up from a town's police office? Something like what we do for missing children in the US but instead for the found ones?"

"I...I had not thought of that. Some officers wouldn't want to help."

"If so they can set up a computer in a corner and let the families come in to look for updates once a week or so."

"Good point. It would get to most areas, if not all areas. We do have the missing person system. We can add onto it for found ones. Thank you. And for your help."

"Not a problem. They need help. It's not their fault they got captured by zealots with ideas."

The general smiled and shook his hand. "Most of the rest of your people are probably home."

"Probably," he agreed. He said something to the young one he was helping by bringing her out of her fugue state. She was now able to look at someone. "She's retreated," he said quietly.

"We can get her out. The women help each other." Stark nodded and patted that one on the head before leaving it to them. He led her into the medical building. "She's back in her mind."

The nurse looked at her and tipped her face up. "She'll come out." She led her in there to talk to her. Maybe they'd get her name today.

***

Sam Wilson found Xander bandaging some woman's arm. She looked like she was a run down prostitute to Sam's eyes. "Why do you help these people who aren't yours?" he asked. Then he realized how he sounded and winced.

Xander shot a dirty look his way then went back to it. "I'm very much for anyone peaceful. Or protective of their people but not a dominating overlord sort. The town I grew up in was over half demonic. Mostly peaceful groups there to hide from asshole humans. And a lot of vampires." He smiled at the woman as he hitched down the tape. "Try to keep it dry and clean for six or seven days," he said quietly. She nodded. "And if you see that one again, make fun of him loudly so the others know he's a weak ass man." She giggled, running back into a building.

He looked at him. "I hope even if I end up as an evil overlord that I never turn into an asshole like the ones earlier. I don't care what anyone is, race, species, whatever. Never have." He shrugged. "I went to school with plenty of half-demons and most everyone ignored that. Some full demons too who could pass. And still everyone ignored it. As long as you're not out to take over, harm, or kill humanity or the earth, I'm all for you living your own ways as long as it doesn't hurt someone else against their wills."

He stared at him. "I've also seen how bad some of the bad sorts can be. I'd never let something like earlier go on because I wouldn't wish that on my enemies. If I'd rather have you eaten than live like that, then I feel I've got a duty to help stop it if I can. If I'm in the way I'll find some other way to help. I don't know why that's so hard for many people to think is the right way but too many do." He stood up. "Anything else or are you on break from making idiots see that they're idiots?"

"I don't usually have to unless I'm back at the VA, Harris."

Xander snorted. "And yet earlier, one of your teammates decided that the women they were rescuing were at fault for being captured and beaten and brainwashed," he said quietly. "Maybe you should." He shrugged but grinned. "Just an idea, dude." He walked off. "I'm going to do laundry."

"You should probably sleep."

"Yup, sometime tomorrow. Mine's a night job usually."

Sam Wilson watched him go, looking confused and concerned. He knew what the kid was saying, and he was right, but was that his job to fix? Yeah, it probably could be if he wanted to. He went back there to talk to his teammates. Though he did stop to get something to eat on the way there. Dinner tonight had been hotdogs Steve had charred on a grill.

***

Xander looked up from teaching one of the minis to block hits. "Good job. Work with your brother so he knows to quit picking on you for being a girl." She went to pounce her older brother, making him huff and shove at her but she shoved back this time. It made the brother mad but that sort of mad was good for him. He got up and went to talk to the woman staring at them. "You are probably trespassing and the people in this region are pretty tolerant so they're probably going to just scowl at you for it. Is there a huge problem I have to go handle for my mini in there?"

"I know much of the Council, Mr. Harris."

"No, you know about the *old* Council, lady. They all got blown up."

"By something your team did."

"Well, when the choice is losing the population of humanity by us losing something or being lied to and interrupting someone's well deserved reward, then we went for the practical one." Natasha glared. He stared back. "Willow lied to us about her being in a hell realm. Otherwise I would've probably went with the plan to take out the town catastrophically." He shrugged. "I had to have the plan. We almost needed it twice before then. So yeah, when she lied we decided practical was also beneficial and nice to her. If we had known she lied we would've done things different and let the LA group handle the fallout with us." He stared at her. "For that matter, we've fought like hell with the remains of the old Council to remake it so it supports the girls."

"So she'll do what, go on patrol at eighteen?"

"If that's her choice. No slayer *has* to patrol. They all have to learn self defense and how to protect themselves. That's just practical. The rest, they stay at home if they want to. They travel if they want to. They go to college and get married if they want to. They retire to do whatever when they're ready. It's not like we can uncall them. We can't take being a slayer from them. Would you rather we left them ignorant and easy prey?"

"No," she admitted, arms still crossed over her chest. "How can you teach them anything?"

"Hmm, let's see. Seven years of doing the job before we lost Sunnydale. How about that for a start." He stared her down, making her shudder. "Unlike *some*, our girls no longer have to watch each other die or have fits about killing. If our girls can't handle that then they're more than happy to protect themselves and their families. We have a few who're very traditional women for their cultures. We have one that's a Buddhist nun.

"She was raised by the old Council and they dumped her when she was eighteen. That's how she chose to heal." He shifted his weight. "Now she teaches some of the novitiates how to do self defense and protects her temple. That's all we expect her to do because that's her choice. We're all about choice and letting the girls be girls and making sure they get educated so they can make choices."

"Many girls down here don't go to school."

"Which is bullshit," he said firmly. "All children need an education. Educated parents raise smarter kids and smarter kids do great things for the world. I'm hoping this one turns into a teacher some year."

She blinked a few times. "What if they don't want to hunt?"

"Then that's their choice and they know enough to protect their homes if they need to. No one's going to make them go on patrol if they can't or don't want to handle it. We're not like the old sorts. Most of us were doing the job in the field before the old one blew up so we rebuilt it the right way."

"The government hates the girls."

"The government hates them being women," Xander corrected dryly. "The same as they hate you're female and all the other females do protective things. It takes their macho bullshit attitudes to the woodshed." She rolled her eyes. "And if they try something again, like last time, we'll let them handle things themselves. We've got plenty of nicer places to be than Cleveland." He grinned. "We've had to do that before. Then we had to talk girls out of going to Brazil to go have beach time after the battle." She snorted, still looking unamused.

"Beyond that, we're nothing like you grew up in. They were many bad things before but not that bad and now we're better. None of us have to stand there and watch our co-slayers be killed. Or kill them. None of us are taken from parents anymore. None of us are treated like disposable warriors. We expect our girls to be girls and then women of their own making. If we slipped back to what it used to be, you'd see me there with a rifle before anyone else. Buffy would be behind me because she hates guns but can do some damage with a sword."

"How can you be sure they won't slip after you die?"

He smirked a tiny bit. "They can't. There's many wishes laid and life debts paid in advance. Not mine, though I've got one laid in waiting in case. Buffy did a lot of those herself because she saw how the girls who got found by them and raised by them got screwed by them. It's one reason we honor the slayers that went before the current ones. All the girls are taught how it used to be in Council History. They get that when they're about ten or so. They're introduced to the slayers the girls used to know and the ones who've fallen and taught about self will. And all the treaties the Council used to have."

She quirked up an eyebrow. "Ten or so?"

"Old enough to start making decisions. Young enough to still have an idealistic streak that keeps thinking a shiny knight will ride up to save them. It's about the same time school kids in Europe and the US get world history. This is their world." He waved a hand. "All the weird and wonderful and wrong in it is something they have to learn and handle."

"You've had girls at battles."

"You have to be past your diploma and all your slayer classes to fall into battles, by volunteer only. If we need more than that we'll allow some of the ones who've passed all their classes and are desperate to volunteer. They take the back line so they see the least amount of anything. The only battle that wasn't held to was the final one in Sunnydale. We were facing down thousands of super vampires and had to get seven girls to the altar to bleed on it to seal her back in. We had twenty."

"Were you there?"

"Yes, guarding a group of the younger girls keeping an exit open. Me bleeding on the altar wouldn't have helped anything. Me guarding the younger girls who insisted they could help instead of staying on the busses did that instead. I lost three," he said honestly. "We lost five of the others on the battle to the altar." She nodded once at that. "Again, they had the choice to stay on the bus and refused. The slayer spirit overrode their age in some cases. She used them to do what was needed. We've since meditated to talk to Sineya about the young girls. She agreed, they need to be girls."

"The slayer spirit?"

"Yeah, the slayer spirit holds an imprint of every former slayer. It's passed to each girl when she's activated. Buffy had to call up the first slayer once to help with a battle and since then they talk about weekly. It's one way she keeps track of how the minis are doing. I can meditate and talk to her. Any of the girls can."

"Why can you?"

"The spell for that battle."

"Oh." She grimaced. "What was that bad?"

"The initiative fuckers your boss knew about." She glared. He stared back. "Fury knew that. He knew about Sunnydale back in our senior year. He knew about them too. His files said so. He's the same sort that let little girls handle the saving of the world by themselves."

"She was...."

"Buffy was in high school and had been a preppy cheerleader sort. Would you really trust the world to a group of teenagers?"

"No," she agreed.

"Yet, you did. The files said you and Barton both showed up in Sunnydale after the mall thing." She flinched a tiny bit. "So yeah, you let the world be saved by a group of teenagers. The old Council wanted it to be just Buffy and Giles. Would you have stepped in then?"

"We were not allowed."

"If orders are more important to you than the fate of humanity, you're probably in need of some therapy." She opened her mouth but he held up a hand. "Don't. You can't rationalize that in a way that doesn't make you sound like a soulless asshole. Even banshees have souls." He walked off. "Quit panicking my mini please and have a good life."

She got into her car and drove off. He had some points but she was not that way.

Xander got back down with the kids. "Okay, class time. Let's do...history. I'm in a bad mood so history is like that." They groaned but came over to learn from her books. Even her brother needed it. The parents watching them all smiled at them for learning things.

***

A semi-Xander showed up somewhere and looked at the guy he knew, who shrugged at the fighting going on in the next room. His form wavered a tiny bit but came back to Xander, earning a dirty look. "I'm a Messenger," she said quietly. "This way they know the source."

"How would you know about losing anything?" a male voice shouted. "Not like you have!"

"You know *nothing* about loss. You decided to run away from it," another shouted.

Xander looked at Barton again. "I've got to talk to the stained, bitchy cunt about what someone she knew did. Is she here? That way I don't have to go get in the middle of that?"

"That describes a few of SHIELD agents."

"The one that thought she could mind fuck you to screw you as their files said."

"Oh, Wanda. She's in there. And I'm not going in there."

Xander nodded. "Come with me so you can stop me from yelling back?" Clint snorted but escorted him in.

"What are you doing here?" Steve demanded, hopping up.

"Shut the fuck up," Xander told him. "I'm here because someone gave me some information for one of your people that they might want to hear." Steve glared. Xander stared back. "Secondly," he said dryly. "You could hear the fight from the street. I don't particularly *want* to be here but it's the right thing to do." He looked at Clint then at the other yelling ones.

"Okay, where's the cunt who decided to sic someone on a city as a diversion and killed about a thousand people?" A few flinched from that. Xander stared. "Someone decided to gather her brother's body and it's in stasis in Oslo. Possibly able to be revived. The people above it are about to be raided by Germans though so they wanted her to know so she could find him in the next few days."

Stark laughed. "Kid...."

"Stark, most of your battles, you lose, and a lot of people can step in. I lose a battle, you all die before you can step in. So don't try." He stared at him. "Unlike you, and shiny boy there, most of us who fight jumped in for a reason. The same as you jumped in for a solution to a problem. To many of us," he told Steve Rogers. "Each failure to contain the damage to only those fighting is a stain on us. Yes, collateral damage happens and it's unavoidable, but it's also evil. If you don't feel it and worry about how many there were, you're soulless. You've lost it somewhere.

"And yes, I've had a few battles where a whole lot got destroyed, even some innocents, but I still mourned each one. That makes me human." He gave him a pointed look. "Also, never talk to my minis again, Rogers. Not only have you disappointed them as someone they should've been able to look up to, but you made her so horrified that she nearly let herself be captured by the nice people who want to kill her for being chosen before she's born.

"She had to be talked into letting herself be saved because you convinced her she was a damned soul and evil for protecting others. Okay?" He looked at the redheaded witch sort that came in. "Oslo. Your former training people have your brother's body. It's in stasis so he can be revived." She choked back a sob.

"And don't fake cry, lady. I deal with it *allll* the time with the teenagers I have to train when I'm in Cleveland." She glared. He stared back. "You know, there's a Golaat coven in the next town. They can make sure that you've actually apologized for all that you've done. The ones you sicced someone on as a diversion have called out for justice. There's Justice demons just like vengeance ones." He gave her a pointed look. Then he looked at Clint. "Go home! You need to go home!"

"I...."

"What's the worst that can happen?"

"They're not there."

"Okay, so situation normal for you right now. What's the best that can happen? They're there and they remember and so do you? The same coven can do a block on the memory for you. That way it'll only come out after another event of mind screwing. They do that for trauma cases all the time. Including those ones that got captured and can't come out of their minds." He punched him on the arm. "Thank the Justice demon that your daughter talked to, dude. She sent me today with all those messages." He gave him a pointed look. "Give you a lift to the airport?"

"Yeah...I..." He took a deep breath. "Yeah."

"Okay. Meet me at the truck with your gear. By the way, the walking penis zit Fury is coming this way to try to provoke another demon battle to cover up his idiot plan of the moment instead of just taking out the problem I took out last week." He looked at Natasha. Then he walked off. He heard a female scream and felt her come near him with her powers. It let him enact the vengeance asked for. "Halfrek's will be done," he told her. Steve stomped out. "Halfrek, the vengeance demon over lost childhoods, asked me to get her to act so she could have a talk with her." Steve stepped back, looking horrified. "She'll be fine. Go get her brother before someone idiot-like gets him?" Steve nodded, backing away. He looked over. "Bert." He nodded. "Halfrek has her."

He looked down then at Xander. He could tell who she really was. "It's a pity. Many wanted to remove her for taking out a city on purpose." He stared down at her when she gasped and woke up from the judgement. "You should leave our continent for good, girl. You're not welcome here after what you've done. The High Councils of Europe, Southern Africa, Northern Africa, and the Asian Houses of Order all agree you are not worthy among our peoples. You are hereby noted you are under a death order for the deaths you have caused."

Xander laid a hand on his arm. "Her brother's in stasis in Oslo."

"They will allow that. We suggest she goes where there's no Council to find her." He looked at Steve then looked at the others. "Genocide is always wrong," he reminded Rogers.

"She didn't mean to do that."

"If you set off a nuclear bomb we'd feel the same way about you," he said then shrugged. "I would stay away from Asia. The house of Korea is the sort to tear you apart." He walked off.

Xander nodded. "I'm not welcome over there either because I took out a battle that was over the fate of a girl's marriage because it was causing a lot of property damage to the regular town. They don't play. The others, you could probably make a plea that she's put herself under punishment for it if she did, but Asian Houses of Order, nope. They're single strike and then punishment." Steve slumped.

"Most demon societies have a lot stricter rules because they don't want to be outed and taken out for it. They got one in Europe who was singing Karaoke in his natural form because it outed their peoples. The last time I knew he had throat cancer and was begging for mercy. But it kept people from taking their peoples out." Steve nodded once. Xander pointed. "That way, by about a county's worth in US measurement. They can read her intentions and her actions. They can report to those councils so she's not in danger."

Stark nodded. "We can ask them. We all have those."

Xander nodded. "Yup, we do. Mourning it means that we're not soul dead yet." Clint came out with his stuff. "C'mon. I can get you home."

"Some of us just try to forget."

Xander nodded. "That's saving your sanity. Can you blow it off?"

"No."

"Then you're not there yet." Clint nodded. "C'mon. You can pick the radio station." He drove him off to a portal maker, who sent him right to his front porch. Clint stared for a few seconds. Xander gave him a slight nudge. He scowled but sighed and took a step, wincing when his daughter squealed inside. He walked in and hugged them all as tight as he could. Xander had the portal close and winked at the demon, paying him for it. "Thanks," he said quietly.

"It's healing and someday we'll need healthier heros."

"Yeah, someone's got to take my place," Xander agreed. "And I know they won't love the twinkies like I do." He walked off, taking a payment from one of his poker buddies. "Thanks, dude. I need dinner." He patted him on the fin. "Have a great game. I've got to handle the problem coming up up north."

"Have fun!" a few called. "She's a goddess."

"Yay. Maybe she'll like Willow." They laughed but maybe, you never knew. Willow being flirty could stop an apocalypse and she'd like that.

***

Xander, the real one, called the phone number he had for the safehouse, thanks to Bert. "It's actually Harris," he said dryly. "That was the Messenger for the Powers That Be. Who I grew up with and used to date. Cordelia is often blunt, but right. The higher ups send her to tell people how to handle the bad shit they called into being." He listened to the choking. "I'm not near there. I'm still with my mini I had to talk into letting herself be saved from the idiot humans."

He hung up and sighed, checking her over. He rewet the forehead washcloth and put it back over her forehead. "You rest, sweetheart. Cordy went to yell for me." She moaned in her sleep but settled down when he ran a hand over her hair. He tried to call her mother again, getting her father this time. "Thankfully, your plan failed." The man hung up.

Xander called the police number he had for down there, nodding at the officer that answered the video call. "It's me. I have Kisembo. We managed to rescue her from whoever those idiots her father called were. I can't get her mother to let her know because her husband won't let her near the phone." He let the phone see the mini slayer then looked in the camera again.

"It is good she's fine. We'll send someone to talk to her father. The ones who had her?" the officer asked.

Xander grimaced. "I wasn't nice but some may be alive. I did shoot to wound. I also had to take the time to argue with her because some *hero* sort told her she was evil and her father agreed," he finished bitterly. "She got a bit gassed. I've got her under care and I'm helping with what I can. If I have to I'll take her to an ER up here." That officer nodded, turning his head to call that. "But for now, can you go kick her father's ass?"

"Gladly, Watcher Harris. We will check on the rest of her family. You take care of her. Ki is a sweet girl."

"I will be. Thank you for the help. By the way, the Messenger for the PTB, the higher ups over the slayers, was out walking around to yell at people as me."

"She impersonated you?"

"I used to date that harpy, she does a good job." He grinned slightly. "She went to yell at the heroic sort about their shit stinking like everyone else's outhouse. So if you hear weird things that I've been doing today, it might've been her." He waved and hung up since he was getting a new call. "Hey, Bert." The demon stared at him. "I heard already. She showed up to do a healing spell on the mini and hand me my poker winning."

"Good," the demon agreed. "Is she all right?"

"I damn well hope so," Xander sighed. "She's got a fever. They had some sort of gas that I've given her an antidote for."

"Good luck."

"Thanks. I might need it." He waved and hung up. Xander considered her condition and the area he was in. It wasn't a great area for medical care but one was about six hours away.... Yeah, she still had a fever. He packed up his few things and medical kit, tucking it back into the truck before he carried her out to the truck and tucked her in. He walked around to get in and drive. It was a long drive but a lot of it was at least highway from this end. By the time he got to the barrier and guardian his mini was running a worse fever.

He got out, jogging to the house. "One of the minis got gassed. I need medical attention for her," he told the barrier's guardian. She called that in and came out to help him. "I gave her fluids, I gave her tylenol, I gave her an antidote for what the gas should've been by smell, taste, and what it said in their system. Her fever won't come down. She's running hot enough that I can't even keep a wet washcloth on her head. She's down to shivering. It's about time for tylenol but I don't have the stuff to IV her."

"We will bring her to a doctor, Watcher."

"Please." He looked at her. "I'm good with field stuff but I'm not a doc and I don't have what I need." A medical team came out. "Guys, it said it was this stuff," he said, pulling up the picture on his phone. "I gave Kisembo the antidote I have, I gave her tylenol five hours ago, I've kept forcing water and her fever's still going up enough to dry out damp washcloths on her forehead." They nodded. He lifted her out and handed her over. "Please treat her. She got convinced by some *hero* that she was fucking evil and I had to talk her into allowing herself to be saved. She usually goes by Ki and I have her file in the truck if you need anything from it. There's no known allergies and she's not on any routine meds."

"We will do what we can, Watcher Harris," one of the warriors said as she came over. "Who did this?" Xander let her have the picture files. "Hmm, quite a mess."

"I aimed for wounding. I needed to get her out of there, not amass a graveyard in my way. Her father," he said more quietly, staring at her. "Got some buddies together." She shuddered but nodded. "Just please, heal her? Her mother was told by the local police down there that she was healing. I told them I'd take her to a hospital if I had to. Her father wouldn't let the mother near the phone."

"Men like that are assholes," she agreed. "Calm down. Camp. Relax and call in a poker debt to get the ones you didn't manage." He nodded, taking a deep breath. "Make a report to your people."

"Oh, I'm waiting to scream at someone. Oh, if you hear I was yelling at *hero* sorts earlier, it was the Messenger for the PTB. She had to pass along a few messages of 'your shit does stink' variety apparently."

She smiled. "We monitor that base and we heard. We had wondered."

He smirked a tiny bit. "Her name was Cordelia Chase and I actually dated her in high school. She was part of the patrol team in Sunnydale and then LA's team."

"Ah, so she would know about heros." She nodded, following the stretcher. "Calm down and call your people," she ordered, heading back into the barrier.

Xander popped his neck and sighed. "I'll be about five miles that way," he said with a point. "That's my usual camping spot." The barrier guardian smiled and nodded. "Thank you for the help." He got in and drove off. He could call and scream at her father in peace and quiet there.

***

Rhodey called up to a counterpart in Norway, getting agreement that they could take that body and the stasis chamber he was in. He finally hung up after talking with Pepper about arranging the flight. "He's on his way to the new center," he called. Steve nodded, still grimacing at Wanda. "Stark scientists will load him up and bring him there and Dr. Cho is standing by to bring him out if she can." Wanda nodded, gripping her hands. "You should probably be there so you're the first thing he sees, Wanda."

"I..."

Willow appeared, staring at the young woman. She sighed. "They sent me to talk to you, Miss Maximoff. I'm Willow Rosenburg and I once nearly ended humanity in my grief." The young woman looked up at her. "We can talk on the way. I can get you wherever." She held out a hand. "C'mon. Let's go talk like women." Wanda took her hand thanks to Willow's compulsion and Willow pulled her up, taking her to the new avengers facility. "There, we can talk here." She settled on the couch with her to talk to her about what she had done.

"Who sent you?"

"The Vengeance demons' higher being, D'Hoffryn. He asked me for a favor because he thought you might need some clearer thoughts and not like I'm going to flinch since I nearly destroyed everyone during my magic addiction. He said I'd be a good road sign." Wanda swallowed. She felt the probe to her mind. "You can try but I doubt it'll work. I do meditate often to control that." The probe deepened and Wanda burst out crying. "Hmm. Just like the slayers that get caught. Quit fake crying, Wanda. It does no one any good and real women admit to their flaws that they've worked on."

"I did not...."

"You did." She pulled over a mirror and put it up so she could see what she had done. She made Wanda watch it. "You did."

"I ...Stark...."

Willow shook her head. "Stark wasn't in control of the company then, Wanda. Obadiah Stane was. He's also the guy that sold Tony Stark to terrorists he was letting buy weapons against the law so he could own the whole company."

"He still made them."

"Then again, if no one had found out plutonium could be explosive then there'd be fewer bombs. Or if the Chinese didn't create gunpowder we'd be without it probably. Just because it exists doesn't mean it has to be used. The ones who used it bought it, probably not legitimately, from the company. Do you blame Smith and Wesson for all gun deaths?"

"No!"

"Then be reasonable."

"The bomb had Stark Industries on it. You don't understand!"

"I do understand." She stared at her. "And I've seen worse than anything Stark could put out, Wanda. Yeah, someone bought it and used it. Why don't you blame them?"

"I..." She blinked.

"Did you go on a vendetta and mind screw them the same way you did him?"

"He..."

"Think about the one that hit your house. Let's look at it." Wanda did and it came up on the mirror. "That's...." Willow took a picture of it and sent it to someone. "Hmm. Made in the eighties by his father." She put her phone up and stared at her again. "So Howard made that." Wanda slumped into a chair, frowning at her. Willow put up her own history, letting Wanda see it. Wanda shuddered, shrinking in on herself.

"Not saying you don't have the right to be mad," Willow said more quietly when the viewing was done. "But blame the people that bombed, not the ones who created the bomb. Not the ones that built the thing. Now, let's talk about how you totally went outside that to create hell for others, becoming just like the people that bombed your family home by siccing someone else on them." Wanda flinched, shaking her head quickly. Willow nodded.

"Yeah. You did. Bullied kids often become bullies later in life to their families or their coworkers. It's kinda classic." She felt a wind and looked at the young man standing there. "You woke up on your own? That's great." She ran a checking spell over him. "Hmm. Someone helped you. Do they know? Um, Mr. Stark's AI? Does he know they don't have to pick this one up?"

"I have informed him of such, Miss Rosenburg. Thank you for letting us test magical output as well."

"Not all magic is like mine, mine's more hellmouth laced. But welcome." She looked at Wanda. "I can talk them into you being put under mentorship and you doing atonement to ease the death warrant for you," she told Wanda. "D'Hoffryn would stand up for that. He saw something coming that'll need people like you and me both. And Xander messing things up."

"He has been in many battles," she said.

Willow nodded. "Xander's a normal guy. He shouldn't have to be. He's avoiding things by going all mighty hunter guy."

The AI cleared her throat. "All the slayers in Africa are young, Miss Rosenburg. He's stated publicly that he was not going to allow them to do anything if he could, at least until they were of age to make that decision for themselves. I consider that honorable."

"Yes but he'll die of it."

"It's what a warrior does," Pietro told her. He looked at his sister. "What did you do?"

"The thing with the Hulk," she sighed, looking at him.

"Oh." He winced but nodded. "That's bad."

Willow nodded. "Most of the higher demon councils on this plane have a death warrant for her if she goes anywhere near their lands. She's really only safe right now in Central and South America. But, if she puts herself forward as atoning and perhaps apologizing, they may take it off or at least stay it. I have one for me that's stayed."

Wanda swallowed but nodded. "You..."

"Yeah, and you nearly got there too," Willow said, looking a bit smug. "They're starting to think it's all redheads with powers. Two of them have put out resolutions to take out redheads with powers of any sort. Including witches. I did atonement work for years. Still am actually.

"I had to apologize for calling all the slayers but they agreed I didn't have a choice when I did it. I had to apologize to all the slayers for it to be valid. I've written letters to the young ones that haven't been born yet with the whole problem that got them automatically called so they can read it when they're older. They'll get them when they do Council history. What I did was inexcusable. What you did was not that much better."

"We were in a battle..." Pietro started.

Willow held up a hand. "She used a city's destruction as a way to divert attention. Is that the way you think war happens?" He slumped but frowned and shook his head. "Which is why a whole lot of people want your sister's head. Me being here is helping some because it's giving her options to think about how to apologize to all those innocent people she let be destroyed." Pietro grimaced, looking at his sister.

"Because they won't hesitate to do it to her. There's three guilds of assassins who will take the death order. Two have demon members as well as human members, one's just demons. They can teleport, get her during a battle, get everyone else if it helps them. They *should* not get anyone else but...." She spread her hands. "I got stopped right after mine and the coven got me into atonement and apologies before I went to defend myself. I'm here doing that for your sister because she didn't know."

"So you're here helping her mitigate the problem," Pietro said.

Willow nodded. "Yeah. As D'Hoffryn, who's over the vengeance and justice demons, said, I'm a sign post. I can also mentor if she wants. We don't have the same sort of skills. I do magic and hers aren't magic based. It's up to her but ...I can't stop them either. No one can if they sign the order officially after another vote." She stood up. "I'm in Cleveland or Devon, England, if you need me," she told the twins.

"Sometimes I come when yelled for too." A pretty upset sorcerer stomped in. "Oh, pull up your panties and quit scowling like a nun caught in the outhouse, Strange. D'Hoffryn asked me to come talk to her." Stephen Strange glared at her. "Yay. By the way, things are not good and people are trying to make the slayers leave the US again. Have fun with that?" She smiled and disappeared.

Stephen Strange huffed. "I do not like that witch. She's irresponsible, she's mouthy, and she's cutesy. The Vishanti should have their heads examined by giving her their energies."

Wanda looked at him. "I don't think she's your sort of magic. You both feel different."

"It could be." He stared at her. "I got visited by the High Council of New York area. They warned me to warn you to stay out of New York. They made sure to tell me that they did not have a death warrant out for you but another one trying for you would add stress to the local area and they did not need that." She rolled her eyes. "They are completely serious, Wanda. You must be careful."

He looked at Pietro and tested him, nodding some. "At least you're healthy and fully back, not a half shade." Pietro shuddered. "Be safe. The rest will be back later." He went home via portal and called Tony to warn him Pietro was already alive and back with his sister. Tony asked him what he knew about the boy who had shown up. He nearly laughed and told him what he knew about the problems the boy had had over the last few years. Including that getting him near any hellmouth was a bad idea. Also that he had heard that wasn't the boy, it was a Messenger.

***

Tony hung up, looking at the others. "Someone helped Pietro wake up sooner and he's fine. They're talking at the new center." He stood up. "Strange said that wasn't Harris, it was a messenger of some sort or another."

Rhodey nodded. "He called right after they left, said he's with the mini that he had to rescue. Said he had to talk her into being rescued." Steve Rogers got up and stomped off. "Guess that messenger was right about that part."

Stark looked it up, nodding at what he saw. "Yeah. Whoever was." He let the others see it. "Should we go raid that base, see if they're affiliated?"

Willow faded in, staring at him. "The mini slayer's in bad shape. The lab itself has a lot of bad things going on that we're not sure if she got hit with or not, and Xander's passed out. If you want to go raid that base, go in wearing decontam gear?" she suggested then smiled. "Or you can handle the problem coming up next week for him if he's still in the hospital bed beside her in quarantine." She grinned and nodded. "Because none of us at the Council seem to be able to go anywhere down here. They don't want us to come in, they don't want the older slayers to come in to help Xander.... Frankly, I'm about to let the whatever-it-is eat the next one so they stop that petty shit."

"Aren't there of-age slayers here somewhere?" Stark demanded.

Willow shook her head. "The only one he had got to be evacuated after being set on fire by someone religious." She shrugged. "She's still in England healing." Stark groaned but nodded. "I have not a single clue. We have not a clue what they may have gotten onto her, or what Xander may have gotten into when he went to rescue her.

"And I really need to nag him about that but I'm being calm and reasonable by telling you guys that if you wanted to raid that base, the nice people in Wakanda's national hospital might be happy to know." She waved a hand and left. Then she came back. "By the way, Cordelia's awfully blunt but honest. She's bluntly bitchy but honest." She shrugged. "That's why the PTB made her their messenger when their visions to her killed her." She left again.

Stark blinked at the others, who all nodded. "Someone call there, see if they need to know and what specifically we're looking for?" Bucky moved to do that while Stark got what they'd probably need. "With our luck it's a bio warfare lab," he said as he packed stuff to put onto the jet.

Natasha frowned. "There's none nearby, Stark."

"That you know of, Romanoff. You don't know everything." He called Harris' phone. "It's Stark. Yeah, the redheaded witch asked us to.... Sure, we can back up a few of yours, General Okoye. I can do that. Yup, Rhodey and I are both here. We can meet the Princess there. Thank you." He hung up. "Rhodey, we'll need full decontam gear, both suits are set up for that. Suit up. You, go see if you can figure out who they were with?" he told Romanoff, getting into the jet to put on the suit. Rhodey and he flew off together, going to meet the their head science team there. He landed first, nodding at the soldiers. "Where do you need us?"

Shuri looked over, already in her own pressure suit. "Take a monitor and go to the holding area. We need to know if she was exposed to anything but the gas grenade Watcher Harris took pictures of." Tony nodded, going to do that. Rhodey helped the warriors protect the small group in case others showed up. She took the labs over to index, take samples, and destroy things. They had many wrong things in there.

The monitor from the holding area gave her new ideas. Thankfully Harris had gotten her to them instead of just any hospital. Who knows what might've happened. Shuri found a vault she did not like and let out a swear. The soldiers all snapped to attention. "Bring the containment case," she ordered. "We're confiscating their sample vault before some stupid colonizer gets into it."

Stark came back to look. "Call Helen Cho," he said, looking at her. "She's got some background in it." She nodded, making that call while he helped log samples in as they were put into the containment case. "Thankfully this isn't HYDRA."

"No, but they're as stupid as HYDRA was," she complained. A soldier nearby laughed but nodded at that. "If not worse!"

"Supposedly this lab was researching treatments," Stark said. "They were taken over by a government body last month. The former scientists are nowhere to be found." Shuri groaned. "Romanoff found that and passed it on to your security team's office. There's no sign of anything down there but that gas grenade."

"I hope the child and watcher are both safe then," she said. "No child deserves such illness and he's actually pretty decent for being a broken white boy with a heroic drive."

Stark put a hand on her arm. "Harris jumped in because vampires took out his friend he'd known since before he could walk," he said quietly. "It's pretty normal to want to make sure no one else does that." She nodded, sighing at that information. "And then the slayers keep telling him he's normal."

"That certainly explains a lot," she quipped. "Thank you. We won't nag him too much."

"Her father gave her to them," he told her.

She squinted, then growled. "Yes, some people need beheaded," she decided. They heard firing from outside. "Let's step this up. Whoever just came home." They finished and Stark went out to help guard them. He could take more damage than a normal person. Shuri came out with the last confiscation case and they got into the jet. "Stark," she yelled.

"Go ahead. I'll join you. Rhodey, fly guard." He nodded and took off after the jet, firing at a few more groups. Stark went back to firing on the idiots. He fired on the building then flew off quickly while the building went up. He mentally groaned because he spotted local military coming in. Hopefully they hadn't been fighting them instead of some evil entity. Though they were firing on the military vehicles so it looked like they were good.

***

Xander looked up from his quarantine room, standing up when the nurse came in. "How is she?"

"She's still fevered, still dehydrated. We've got her on two IV's and are feeding her some anti-virals just in case. You, sit." He sat down and let her take some blood and test his vital signs. "We need to ask, Watcher Harris. Why are you not like us?"

"Oh. Um..." He grimaced. "Does it look like fish stuff or something else?"

"Fish....stuff?"

"Back in high school we had a group of people turning into black, slimy swamp monster looking creatures that were eating some of the teammates. They all used to be on the swim team so I joined to see what was going on so we could defeat the bad guy and all that."

"You were fighting demons in high school?" she demanded.

"I backed up Buffy when she came to Sunnydale. Starting back in tenth grade." She groaned. "So anyway, the coach had captured a mermaid and had cut her up and fed her blood and parts to us through the sauna all the team had to go through after each daily practice. We detoxed me when we figured it out and let the mermaid swim team members come up to get their missing member to rightfully bury, and eat the coach." He shrugged but grinned slightly. "I had a full blood transfusion because of that but I'm told I have a few dots of it here and there."

She rubbed her forehead through the hood. Then she nodded and left, going to tell the others. The science and medical team had been listening. They all looked less than amused. Shuri sighed and turned on the microphone. "Why do you read of radiation?"

"The hellmouth probably. It used to be under the high school's library."

She clicked it off to look at the others. They all shrugged. One went in to talk to him about what a hellmouth was. They figured out he meant the hole that leaked demons sometimes and that made more sense to them. When he pulled up their site on what they knew about hellmouths that gave the science team a headache. Again. Though it did explain a lot that they had wondered about the Council.

***

Xander waved at the picture on his phone that night. "When I went to save one of my girls, the idiots who had her used some sort of gas grenade," he told Faith and Giles. "They've got us both in quarantine just in case. They don't think I've been exposed but they think Ki might have been exposed to something there. Then I was treating her afterward. The ass munching idiots took over a biowarfare defense lab and turned it to their fun and games. So I'm out for at least another week.

"She's barely waking up. And her father gave her to them. I told the police in her town to tell her mother since her father wouldn't let her near the phone. She's safe and we're in good hands. I made sure she came to the best hospital I knew of in a day's range of where we were." He sipped some water. "The hellmouth in Nairobi will be having an issue soon though. Some demons trying to use it to get home. They're totally peaceful but ..." He shrugged.

Faith nodded. "Got it. They got a kraken on top?"

"No, Nairobi doesn't. Which is why it's used a lot as a go-home spot. The locals are a bit freaked by that."

"I can handle that," Faith agreed. "You good?"

"Bit warm. It's hot down here. No air circulation due to the quarantine thing."

Giles cleared his throat. "They're sure you're not going to get sick?"

"They were pretty sure that even if I did, something weird in me fought it off. They can't find any viral signs at all. Kisembo got gas grenaded before I got there and they're not sure what she got exposed to." Giles nodded. "And if I find those assholes, or her father, I'm going to kick an ass. Her mother has an aunt who's probably decent, never met her but her mother seems to look up to her. So we can find her a good resting spot within the family hopefully."

"Yeah, I can be down there in three days, boytoy," Faith said. "Where are you?"

"Wakanda. At the national hospital in the capitol. The only airport that they allow to fly in is in Egypt. So go to lower Egypt's main city, the one I usually fly out of, and then catch a commuter plane, Faith. My truck's here and they probably cleaned it."

"Yup, I can do that." She looked at Giles, who nodded. "Can I bring the mini anything?"

"She could probably use something to suck on. She's only nine."

"Got it. Some coloring books too then. Okay, get her better."

"She's in the next room and we have a video conferencing system between us." He got up to and turned it on, smiling at the nurse. "She's got a call." The girl looked over. The nurse finished drawing blood and left them alone. "Here, dear." He held it up so she could see.

"Hey, Munchkin."

"Faith!" she cooed. "Ohhh!" She came over to get nearer to the tv, talking to the senior girl. They chatted and Faith promised to bring her something candy-like to suck on while she was in there. She waved and shut it off but Xander could hear her crying. Xander gave the nurse a look, who winced. Xander snuck over there and cuddled her.

"If I'm going to get sick, I'm already exposed," he said when she flinched. She cuddled him and let herself cry. "We'll figure it out," he reminded her, petting her hair down.
"Girls with huge futures often have shitty things happen to make them stronger, because the PTB always underestimate how strong you are." She nodded, pulling back. He wiped her cheeks off with a grin.

"This is part of my job as your watcher, kiddo. I'm always here to be cried on about the big and the little things. Just like when you lost your bunny rabbit that time." The doctor was glaring from the doorway. "If she's going to get sick I've already been exposed and she needed a hug," Xander said, glaring at him. "Also, why so much blood work? She's pale from it. The nurse just drew nine vials."

"We need it to test what she got exposed to."

"There was a team that went to the lab." He got a guard in and Xander shrugged. "Nope. Not leaving her in here by herself. It's scaring her. You wouldn't do this to normal kids." The guard called that in and the science team came in. "She's nine," he reminded them. "Also they just drew nine vials of blood for *some* reason?" he asked patiently.

The doctor from the science team frowned. "Nine? We got four." He glared at the medical doctor.

"She is not human!"

"She is. She's a mini slayer. Already activated and learning how to be an adult at the same time. And yes, I protect all my minis within an inch of your lives." The girl giggled against his shoulder but snuffled and fell asleep. Xander looked down, shifting her some to cuddle her better. "There, you rest," he said quietly, letting her nap on his shoulder. "By the way, Faith's on her way down to get my truck so she can take over until she's out."

"We can expel you," one of the guards said with a smile.

Xander smirked back. "Then I'd be taking her with me. Unlike *many* I'd never hurt a child." He glared at him until the guy backed away and holstered his weapon. He looked at the science doctor again. "So he's trying to experiment on her like he's an ancient German?"

"Apparently. Though we do have questions about how slayers come to be."

"Mystical download. The Powers That Be, who're over the slayer calling, choose however. They're playing chess with humanity. The original slayer was made by some sorcerers fighting ancient demon societies by forcing some of their gifts into her. Sineya was made into a weapon and a copy of her spirit was passed down to the next slayer when she died, which then gathered another one, and on and on, and now it has the soul imprint of every former slayer given to each new girl.

"Along with fighting knowledge, weapons knowledge, and a few gifts like getting period-style cramps whenever there's vampires around. We have a document from the old Council's library that was passed down until writing started. Papyrus really will not dissolve for anything at times. Also, we found where she was made. It's got some carvings on the walls that I've taken rubbings of and pictures of to send in."

"How do you know her name?" the scientist sneered.

"Buffy had to call up her spirit to help her with a battle against US army people who were trying to torture and experiment on demons in our town. Also, any slayer can meditate and talk to the slayer spirit. I teach them all how to do that."

The scientist blinked, staring at him. "Excuse me?"

Shuri stomped that way. "He's right. I've seen copies of that document when I wondered. The new Council will let people research in their libraries." Xander nodded with a grin. "Is she fine?"

"Freaked out, upset, they drew nine vials of blood and she's weakened by all the blood drawing. Frankly, if I'm going to get sick I'm already infected and I'm not going to leave her alone in a room by herself. You wouldn't do it with a regular kid in a regular hospital."

"No, we wouldn't," Shuri agreed. She smirked at him. "You are mouthy."

"Yes I am. When I need to be to protect the girls. Also, Faith's on her way to handle my rounds for a bit."

She nodded. "We know of her. Did you tell her how to get here?"

"The airport and commuter plane service from the Egyptian airport I usually fly out of."

"That's reasonable. We can handle that. We have cleaned your truck."

"Did you open all the hidden areas? Because some can only be opened once."

She shook her head with a sigh. "No. We will scan it for traces." He grinned and nodded. "Is she fine?"

Xander checked her neck pulse then pushed her back some to look her face over. "Still a bit dehydrated, fever's mostly down, and she's pretty weak from only having soup. Slayers have super high metabolisms. Can she have some peanut butter?"

"We can get her food," Shuri agreed. "Just soft things so she doesn't throw it up."

"Peanut butter is really hard to throw up," he agreed. "And stomach coating." She nodded, making that order. "Really, girls like her should eat about four to five thousand calories a day."

Shuri shuddered. "I don't eat that much in two days."

"Yeah but she's got a super high metabolism. All slayers do. Buffy eats eight or nine thousand a day and she's still usually just the wrong side of skinny unless she's dating."

Shuri nodded. "I can understand that." A figure faded in. "A ghost?" she demanded.

"Whistler, the head messenger for the PTB," Xander said. "What's up, Whistler?"

"Nairobi."

"Peaceful ones trying to get home. Faith's on her way down. I can call down there if you think I need to, that way they're warned Faith's coming."

Whistler stared at him. "It'll open unexpectedly in two days." Xander flipped open his phone and called, repeating that. "She's weak but that's mostly a reaction to the gas. We have her living for at least another ten years, Harris."

Xander looked up. "Is that like them deciding I'm going to die in Stockholm in three years when we had that battle last year?"

"Could be," he admitted. Then he smirked as Cordelia faded in.

"Hey," he said with a nod and a grin. "Got Giles on the phone. Any other orders from on high?"

"She's going to be weak for weeks thanks to all that," Cordy said, running a hand over her head. "But she'll be fine as long as they quit treating her like an experiment. And you." She smirked at him.

He stole a kiss and grinned at her. "It won't happen and I heard you took my image to yell at people."

"I did. Felt damn good too. You need to do more of that. And no kissing, Xander. You need to brush your teeth."

He shrugged but grinned. "Sorry, oh great Messenger. Any other orders?"

"Just get her well. We have no idea about her future family matters."

"My mom?" she asked, blinking up at her. "You're Cordelia," she said in awe. "Xander has pictures of you." Xander poked her on the arm and pointed. "Oh, wow, you're Whistler! Oh! Oh, no! That means bad things are coming."

Cordelia leaned down to get into her face, smiling at her. "We came to calm down Xander. He's going to throw a fit about you being scared of all this, kiddo." She grinned. "It's not a bad thing this time. Maybe next time we see you." She winked. "Make Xander buy you pink stuff." She straightened up to look at Xander. "Temper temper," she quipped then disappeared.

Whistler sighed but shook his head. "Some days, she's very...energetic."

Xander grinned. "Could be Anya, Whistler."

"Please don't wish that on us." He stared at him. "She'll be fine as long as she starts to eat again and all that. Her new family, not sure."

"My mom?" she demanded, standing up but wobbling until Xander steadied her. "Is she not all right?"

"I have no idea," Whistler admitted. "I know your father's in real trouble and the police down there are really mad at him for this." She grimaced but nodded. "We'll find you someone you can grow up with until all that's figured out. That way you don't turn into Xander." She put her hands on her hips and tapped a foot, staring at him. He smiled at Xander. "She's as strong as Buffy ever was." He looked at her. "You'll do great when it's your turn. Never lose full hope in humanity but remember what you know of them."

She nodded once. "I can do that. Is Sia all right? I was chatting with her the night before they took me."

"She's fine. With her aunt and grandmother because her mother's shouting at people again." She glared. He smiled. "You're a tough puppy, little one. Grow up to be the protective bitch you need to be."

"Of course I will. I'm a slayer in training." Whistler nodded and patted her on the head before leaving.

Xander put her back onto the bed, staring at her. "You remind me of a nicer version of Cordelia sometimes. She was strong and mouthy and could lead really well when she wanted to. Thankfully you'll be nicer than she was." She giggled and hugged him. "I like you too. Nap until we can get you some food." Her stomach rumbled, making her blush and duck her head. "Soon, kiddo. Rest." She curled up against his side again. He looked at the staring people. "I know you saw them." They nodded. "I dated Cordelia in high school. We were not good together a lot of the time." He looked down then at them again. "Can she get some food please?"

"Of course," Shuri agreed. "You need food to heal." She told a guard that and he nodded, going to get them something. She looked at Xander. "You absorbed demon taint."

Xander shrugged a bit. "Mermaid blood will change yours some but I had two possessions before then. One a primal and the other a chaos spell someone did to most of the town."

She rubbed her forehead then nodded. "Are there others like you?"

"Don't know. I've only been in a few places in California, Cleveland, then down here. I've found a few kinda like me. Though I need to get that stupid song out of my head," he complained to himself, shaking his head quickly. She laughed. "Yeah, I get that now and then. It's lack of sleep."

She nodded. "We can keep you two together. We'll know later tonight if she's been exposed to things. Have her eat." She got the others out of the room and let the guard feed them then got more food sent in for him since he fed her all his. He also protected the young girl from the guard that came in to sneer at him for being white. When the guard started to beat him for daring to do things he wouldn't do, Xander got up and stomped him into the floor then sat back down to cuddle his slayer.

The nurses got to drag the guard out to treat his injuries. The princess was amused but she was used to the pigheaded morons that sometimes came from their stubbornest of people. She checked their blood herself that night and nodded, going to talk to them again. The little one was pouting about jell-o but she was nine. "We do not think that she's infected with anything." Xander smiled at her for that. "One of our guards called down there and they're, frankly, stupid down there."

"I figured as much," Xander agreed. "I've got a few girls that went to school." Shuri smirked at that. "Most went back home after a year or so of parental fixing. We can see if she's got aunts or cousins."

Shuri nodded. "That's a good idea. Slayer Faith has shown up and gotten your truck though."

"We can rent a car," Xander promised. "Airports often have one." Shuri nodded. "She's totally cleared?"

"By tomorrow night. Right now she's still got a tiny fever." The girl pouted at her. "You're nearly better," she said, patting her on the head. "Your watcher was smart to bring you here. There were some very nasty things in that lab you could have been exposed to. Then you'd have to be in a hospital for days longer."

"That'd suck," the girl said quietly, staring up at her. "Hospitals are full of mean people who have needles."

"They do but most of the time the needles are to make you better," Xander said patiently.

She scowled at him. "You don't like them either!"

"No I don't. Why are you pouty?"

"It's green, yucky jell-o. Like the missionaries served us." She pouted at the princess. "Is there other less yucky jell-o? Please? Xander could use some too because I ate all his."

Shuri smiled. "I had that request many times. Let me see what we have around." She patted her ahead. "I'll be right back." She went to talk to a nurse, who did indeed have some yellow jell-o. The girl beamed and stole it from Shuri's hand to gulp.

"Manners," Xander hissed.

"Sorry. I'm really hungry and wanting sweets. Thank you, Doctor."

Shuri grinned. "I'm not that sort of doctor." The girl stopped eating to stare at her, and she could see the same sort of scary look her brother had learned to use over the years. "I'm Shuri," she said. "I'm a bioengineer so I'm the one looking at what the lab held."

"Like the princess?" she asked, eyes wide. "Princesses are in fairy tales! They're not in hospitals!"

"Not all princesses wear ball gowns," she said with a wink. "Some of us wear lab coats." She smiled at Xander. "She is very sweet."

"Usually," he agreed with a grin for her then at his slayer. He looked at Shuri again. "Is mine still clear?"

"We still cannot tell anything from your blood," she admitted, smirking at him. "You are more confusing than sodoku was when I was three." She walked off.

"That's like crossword puzzles but with numbers and squares," Xander told her.

"Oh!" She nodded. "That sounds really hard. I'm not that smart."

"Bullshit," Xander said firmly. "You are that smart, you'll continue to be that smart, and some day you're going to graduate high school and I'm going to go threaten your roommate in college." She whined but nodded, eating the jell-o. Xander could have the yucky green stuff for her. Then she settled in to work on her learning stuff. They had a book in there so she could read. Xander could help with the big words. Shuri dropped off some math homework for her too. It was sweet of her but she hated homework. It was almost as nasty as being in a hospital was.

***

Xander and Kisembo met Faith when she showed up at the meeting he had called, Kisembo running over to hug her. "I'm okay!" she cooed, cuddling her. "The nasty gas is out of my system. I did good on the math test they gave me, and I stole Xander's breakfast."

Faith grinned at the kid. "That's all great things. We all like stealing from Xander's plates. And his t-shirts." She looked at Xander. "Just got out?"

"An hour ago," he agreed. "I need to get her home anyway so can you still handle Nairobi?"

"Probably, yeah." She looked down. "You're napping?" she asked with a grin.

"No one can sleep in a hospital," Xander reminded her, taking Ki back. "C'mon, we'll go find you an auntie. Or go see Seble. Her mom's jonsing for grandkids." He handed Faith the keys. He and Kisembo got into the passenger's side, the baby slayer going into the middle spot to be hitched down. Faith got in to drive. "Anything else happening up there?"

"Two of the research team wanted me to go visit the cave you found."

Xander shook his head. "No. There's some writing on one wall that showed no further slayer should go in or it could cause a problem."

"Okay. Can they come down?"

"Sure," he said with a grin and a nod for her. "I'm sure they can travel. They got to the US from England."

She snickered but nodded that was true. They traveled most of the day, with stopping for lunch a few times for the girls. Faith dropped them in Kisembo's town and went to the problem portal area to handle the fits going on. She showed up and a few people gave her worried looks because she got out of Xander's truck. "He's with Ki, she got sick so he called me from Cleveland. I'm Faith, the senior slayer." She smiled. "What's the sitch going on this time?"

The soldiers all stared at her in awe. "He called in another slayer?" the general said, pushing his way to the front.

Faith nodded, walking closer. "Ki got hurt by some idiots with gas grenades. He spent the last week in a hospital with her. Now he's got to get her into a family that won't hurt her since her father knew 'em."

The general winced. "That poor child. We have a cover over our hellmouth, Slayer Faith. This way."

She nodded, going that way with them. Faith blinked at the demons waiting. "Hidey-ho, neighbors," she quipped, smiling at one.

"Faith!" the demon said, staring at her in awe. "Why are you here?"

"Xander's with Ki, who got gas grenaded."

"Oh, dear. His temper?" he asked very quietly.

"Nah. Already did that. She was in the hospital." She shrugged but grinned. "This must be your wife."

"Yes! I bring her home to overthrow my mother if she complains!" His wife elbowed him while rolling her eyes on the stalks.

"I'm sure his mother will accept me but if not, we can handle it, Slayer Faith."

"That's good. Xander sent for me so he could help the little one. So, what's the problem, guys?"

"The portal tends to belch out strange things whenever it's opened. Which is why we hate letting them use it," the general complained.

Faith nodded. "At least yours doesn't have a kraken." She looked at the demon. "No portal makers?"

"Six hundred miles away," he said dryly. "And charges a lifetime's pay."

Faith nodded. "Makes sense. We have some of this in Cleveland. Sure, I can fight whatever comes out. You guys coming back?"

"We'll come back through the LA portal," the new wife said with a smile. "I've wanted to see that city and all the various demons there."

"I've spent some time in LA. It's not as weird as you hear in the news but it can be pretty weird. Visit Caritas. It's a safe spot and a karaoke bar."

The male demon smiled and nodded. "I've met Lorne. He is very unusual and quite a place to visit." He smiled at his wife. "You may need a sword." She pulled it off her back. "Thank you, Slayer Faith."

"Welcome. Have a good honeymoon, guys, and I hope his mom approves so there's no fighting." They smiled and the sorcerer opened the hellmouth portal for them. They left quickly with two others following them. One little puffball came out. Faith blinked. "Back up," she ordered.

"It's tiny and cute," a soldier complained.

Faith shot a quick glare at him. "It breathes diseases and has about three thousand teeth. Move!" They moved back and she shot it instead with her crossbow. It screamed and flailed around but didn't die. "Could use a glass box to put it in." They got her one and she trapped it quickly, holding her breath. She sighed, staring at it. "Those things are nasty but they're handy on their own realm." She looked over at the people staring. She pulled out her phone to take a picture of it to send to Xander and to Giles. Xander sent back to burn it, he usually did. This made the fourth through that portal and they were all young. Giles sent back something that had to be translated from trash talk. She pulled up their page, letting the general see it. "Xander said he usually burns them."

The general read it over, smiling at the message that came in. "Whoever that is seems most upset."

She looked and nodded. "Giles is in the land of swearing like a gutter snipe. But it's a good time for it." She kicked the box and it quit moving. "So let me dispose of this thing before it infects others." They smiled. "It's like a really stupid purse dog on their realm apparently. To us, they just make us really sick in many weird, uncomfortable ways. One of the girls got VD from one only it was in her nose." The general tried not to laugh as he handed the phone back. Faith put it into her pocket, bending down to lock the box around the demon so it could not get out.

"Okay, let me...see if X knows someone who wants this before I burn it. I'll do his rounds for a few days." They nodded and the general shook her hand so she could take the box to the truck and drive off. She called the main Council building to tell Giles she had it trapped and about the cave. Giles agreed that it had been in the pictures so he'd send one of the research team down that night. He'd call Xander to see where they needed to fly into.

Faith called the embassy that had made sure she could pick up Xander's truck. "It's Slayer Faith. We have a demon that's fairly regular but it breaths diseases. Do you know of any group that may be able to handle the stupid thing? Otherwise I'll just burn it." She listened. "Yeah, I'm by the hellmouth in Nairobi. Yeah, I can meet someone there. Thank you." She put the area into her phone and the map system told her where to go. She turned on the radio and retuned it to an American rock station, bopping as she drove off.

***

Shuri walked out of the jet, coming over to look at it. "What is it?"

"It's a purse dog on a demon realm basically." She pulled up the thing's site to show her. "I know one breathed on and lapped a teenage slayer in Cleveland and her nose got VD. Dripped the clap for weeks."

"Eww," Shuri said, looking at her. Faith shrugged but grinned. "That's very weird. Is it sentient?"

"It has the brain of about a dustball. They're not smart. They're happy puppies that love to make us all sick. A bigger dog-type species that's sentient owns a lot of them."

Shuri shook her head. "That's so weird." She handed the phone back and used a probe to stick into a port in the glass box. "Did you feed it?"

"Watered it. Fed it, I have no idea what it eats." She shrugged. "I'm not tryin' to be mean to it or anything. All I know is it's dangerous to humans."

"We can take it and put it with a robot to monitor its output," Shuri decided. "That way we're not infected." She smiled. "Is the little one all right?"

"Xander's had a holy fit on her father and his family. The mother's MIA, he's not sure. Her family might do good. If not, X knows a few good schools the girls have attended when they needed to. Then we'll figure it out."

"That's good. She seemed sweet. He is very confusing."

Faith grinned at her. "Many of us slayers feel like that about Xander, yeah. He's...just a Xander. He's very unique."

"That's one way of putting it," Shuri agreed, smiling at her. "We are all confused by his blood."

"Just don't tell anyone. He's stupidly worried about that."

"I know why, now. That came in later." She shook her head quickly. "How did he get those?"

"He fell into a burial chamber. The ghosts did it."

Shuri slumped, shaking her head with a sigh. "I thought some of our people talking with our ancestors was weird," she muttered. Faith giggled but nodded. "Thank you for this interesting pet."

"You're welcome. Xan said this was the fourth that's come through."

"I can see why it's a worry. We can bring it home. Thank you." They shook hands and Shuri carried the box back to the jet so she could fly home. Faith got into the truck and drove off to find dinner and a hotel for the night. When Shuri got back, she had one of Stark's robots there. "It'll need monitored."

"You can slide a monitoring system here," he said, opening up a part of the case. "This one's set up to clean up and take samples, plus play fetch and pet it." He stared at the little creature. "It's cute."

"It's deadly." She got a monitor set up and put them into a room together. The little demon pet was happy with the robot playing with it and the monitor gave them a horrifying reading. "I'm putting the next gold digger that bothers my brother in there with it. They probably understand pets."

Stark grinned. "They probably have one." He looked at her. "Can we get results from Harris?"

"They're classified. He did weird things that gave him strange problems."

"So we've heard." He pulled up the file they had built on the boy. "That's all that the intelligence people in the US could find."

She read it and made notes before handing it back. He read it and winced. She smiled and nodded. "Fish stuff. He said mermaid."

"Mermaid," Stark said slowly. "Yeah, sure." Shuri looked on the same site that Faith had pulled up for that creature. It had a listing for mermaids. Including their usual habitats. Stark took it to read, frowning at it. "What the fuck?" he muttered. She giggled but nodded. "Okay," he said, handing it back.

"Someone mentioned that your army used to experiment on demons."

"The US army? That doesn't totally surprise me. I should look that up." He frowned at the happy little demon. "He's breathing green stuff."

She checked the monitor's output. "The slayer Faith said that one gave a slayer it licked clap in the nose. Now the robot has it." She sighed in displeasure but it could handle it for now.

Stark walked off shaking his head. "Let me look them up and see how wrong it was."

"Probably a lot." He nodded he agreed. She went back to monitoring the new pet. It was cute, but in that so ugly it was cute way. "This is not the pet my mother would have wanted me to have when I asked her for a gazelle as a pet." She got vegetables sent in for the thing to eat since the site said it was vegetarian. It chowed down and drank some too so it was a happy pet again. Her brother came to look at it. She showed him the site on it, getting a groan and a nod. She grinned. "Not exactly the gazelle I used to want."

"No, this is weirder," he agreed. "Is it going to live here long?"

She smiled. "It breathes diseases like the mythical nundu. Only less deadly ones apparently."

He patted her on the shoulder before walking off to groan in peace about his weird little sister. Sometimes, she worried him. A lot.

***

The US president met with his advisors, who were all very confused about why he was focusing on one young watcher. "Sir," one said. "He doesn't have the experience necessary for a political job. Nor would he probably want it." He stared at his boss, censoring any thoughts about him in case the rumors that he had hired mutants to read their thoughts was true. "I also doubt that you'll get him to leave his slayers down there. He is the only one doing the job on that whole continent."

"They have others," he said with a hand wave.

"No they don't, sir," another said. "The Council has very few staff members at the moment. Since the rest got blown up a few years ago they haven't really been able to hire."

"I'm sure some terrorist did that," he said with a grimace.

"No, it was a demonic menace. The same one that sank Sunnydale, out in California, and killed a lot of the pre-slayers we had at that time," the first advisor said patiently. "There's a whole report on that, sir. It's even been made into a Hallmark movie. Twice." The president shot a glare at him. "Harris is literally the only watcher in Africa. They don't have anyone who'd be able to take over for him. Intelligence confirmed that he doesn't have a single adult slayer down there with him unless he borrows. Like what happened when he was with one of his girls in the hospital."

"She got hurt milking her family's cow or something?" the president snorted.

"No. She got handed to some militants by her father. They exposed her to a minor biological weapon. They spent almost a week in Wakanda in medical care to make sure she was treated and they weren't contagious." The president stared at him. "Wakanda's top science team and a few Avengers went to take down the lab when they heard about it."

"Do we know what they used?" another one asked.

"Minor gas grenade sort. Ran a fever. Slayers thankfully have healing gifts that mean they heal very fast so she's fine after a few days on an IV." He pulled up the reports. "Wakanda confiscated anything they found in that lab so it can't be used on others." He let the intelligence advisor see that file.

"Hmm. That one agent in the CIA heard. What is that...a demonic disease spreading creature. Huh."

"By the Council's files it's what some species use as a purse dog," the first advisor said, leaning back with a smug look. "They're not able to get infected by anything. Apparently there's a small colony near wherever the hellmouth in Nairobi ends on their end since it's the fourth that's come through."

"Hmm. Can we get our socialites one?" he joked with a grin, handing the tablet back.

"An updated report noted that it blew out some versions of venereal diseases. Apparently the robot watching over it has the clap. Somehow." The others in the room nodded. "We do have reports that a younger slayer, just about twelve or so, tried to convince some socialite sorts that they were great, easy pets but they stopped her and she's still grounded to the center in Nebraska."

The president shook his head. "Why would anyone want one?"

"It's cute, sir. Cuter than any tiny dog. It's fluffy, cute, and rare. I'm sure your daughter would coo at it before she knew what it was capable of." He looked at the others. "I don't think most of us would mind SHIELD changing hands. Though we do have some notes about Nick Fury actually being alive." He sighed. "Apparently he's handling things in the shadows while supposedly dead."

"He had one person who could've taken over if we didn't want Hill," the intelligence advisor noted. "He died during the battle for New York."

"Coulson's alive and in charge of there," the president said. They all groaned.

"Probably another Nick Fury plan," the intelligence advisor complained. "They work, but they're problematic from the outside."

"That boy could do it," the president said again.

"Sir, he's never been an agent. Other agents won't listen to him. He doesn't have the experience to handle a full agency. He still won't give up his duty to the girls down there. He can't run an agency from his pickup truck in Africa."

"His truck?" another advisor asked.

"He travels around to each of his slayers and handles problems. He hardly ever gets more than a few days in one area at a time, and those are probably around the girls he's training. By the records we have of what he's done he's well known to a few hotels down there and some villages, and he camps a lot."

The president shook his head quickly. "That's weird."

"Yes but necessary. If he had more people to help him I'm sure he'd do more training than battles. He probably would really like not to have any more battles," the intelligence advisor said patiently. "He's had six in the last six months, most of them all in one month." He looked at the others. "What about the main Council building? I've heard that someone tried the girls again so they're promising to go on mass vacation like when they went to Brazil?" The others nodded and looked that up. A few nodded again when they found it. "How serious?"

"Military again," one said, looking up. "The girls have mostly already evacuated. There's a skeleton crew and Summers there." That got a few sighs.

"They can go under the military," the president sneered.

"No they can't, sir," one of the advisors said, trying to sound patient. "They would ruin the slayers and their lives. It'd be worse than what they got when the old Council was in charge and making them little brainwashed soldiers who expected to die quickly. And the last time someone tried that move, they realized it was a problem when their whole base got taken out by demons rescuing the girls. We lost a lot of that former base in Georgia thanks to that."

"They can't do that!" he shouted.

"Yes they can. They're human, they have free will, and they're mostly teenage girls. They are entitled to a life of their own choosing. They don't even have to patrol if they don't want to. They have free will and the new Council makes sure they can decide for their own selves."

"They can't do that," the president sneered, glaring at him. "It's leaving us uncovered."

"They can totally leave the US, sir. Nothing we can do would stop them. And if we tried they will leave the US permanently." He stared back. "And you pushing on them will mean they leave Cleveland immediately, and the other two houses with the children will follow. This is one thing we don't interrupt because it will get us all attacked." The president pulled out his phone to tweet something. And of course, a demon attacked the White House. The Secret Service, who had told the slayers that they could protect DC themselves - and had insisted on it -, were having a freak out and trying to evacuate the higher ups they were responsible for.

Somewhere, a phone rang. "Put it on speaker and out by the demon," a male voice said patiently. "I'll yell at the idiot for them. And don't argue, you're only wasting time that'll mean more renovation work that'll drive you all nuts." The secretary handed an agent the phone and he grunted and the message got repeated. They opened a window, put the phone on speaker, and let it sit on top of a bush.

"Goddess damn it! Quit doing that before they threaten the slayers again!" the male voice yelled. You could tell now it was Andrew Wells. "The bullshit you're doing means that we get blamed and if they hurt a single hair on a single slayer, I'm telling Xander! Now, back down and go home!" The demons ran from that threat. Andrew groaned. "Damn idiots worse than teenage girls, panicking about the slayers being taken hostage again," he muttered as he hung up.

The agent who was watching the phone called that in to the others. One saw the tweet from their higher up and groaned. The president was safely out of harm's way. So was the vice president. So the rest of them had to deal with the problems the man had caused. The agents really had to have a talk about this stuff. Today.

The president was scowling at the place the demons had been having a fit but he was just like that. His head guard walked up behind him. "They were trying to protect the slayers from being taken out or taken hostage by the military again, sir. That's why the main Council house in Cleveland was cleared yesterday as well. They're very worried that the slayers can't protect everyone, including them, from larger problems. The one making a statement said that they thought creating a demonic based spectacle would make people appreciate the girls again."

The president glared at him. "Did one of them plan that?"

"No, sir, a demon did. A youngish demon who was worried about the bigger threats that the slayers fight for us all."

"Why wasn't one here?" the president demanded.

"Because you ordered the Secret Service to handle DC's protection without them, sir. It was one of the first orders you signed that first afternoon." He looked it up to show him. "You made us tell them not to sit a slayer in DC unless it's a huge battle, sir." He walked off. "The landscaping staff is on their way in to evaluate the damage. It should be easily fixed, outside the one tree they knocked down."

The president seethed, going to complain to someone about those *girls* leaving the white house uncovered. Within minutes of that complaining and whining, Buffy Summers was on the news giving a press conference.

Buffy held out a paper. "One of you read this please? That way you get it right from the horse's ass." A reporter took it to read then read it out loud for the rest of them. Including the date and who signed it. She nodded. "That was *his* choice, not ours. We were more than willing to have a slayer nearby to protect the rest of DC, since the Secret Service probably won't be protecting the non-politician parts of town if something happens, but we were told we were *girls* and it's not our jobs," she said bluntly, staring at them. "Blame the idiot who signed that. Also, thank Andrew for making them leave so fast."

"What happened?" one reporter in the back asked.

She sighed, pushing her hair back behind her ears. "One of the peaceful warrior clans has some teenagers who're worried about the newest move to capture the younger slayers. They thought that showing up being all scary and mean would make people appreciate us and our duty so they won't try to kidnap us again. It's sweet they're so worried about us." She grinned. "I think it's really nice that they're worried about us not being around to protect everyone." A few nodded. "We can't blame them for that plan. They weren't going to do any human any harm. They were going to rip up a garden or something and then flee into the night."

"Like a false flag attack," another reporter said, nodding some.

Buffy shrugged. "Went right over my ponytail," she said bluntly. "I'm not the tactical slayer." A few smiled at that. Her phone beeped. "Oh, yeah, it is. Xander said that's what you meant so yeah." She put her phone back in her pocket. "So anyway, most of the girls have already been evacuated from Cleveland. We have a few older girls and me here because we don't want to need to go rescue the minis again. We're kinda sorry that we destroyed part of Georgia to get the girls back the last time."

She huffed a tiny bit and shifted her stance. "Anyway, they didn't mean any harm, just to scare people. Giles has already told their clan leaders so they're in for a world of grounding and possibly spanking or maybe even being sent away from their clans. Not sure how that'll work out really." She shrugged. Her phone beeped again. She pulled it out to look at it.

"Um, guys, move!" she ordered and ran for the house. "People, vision! Move it now!" she yelled into it as she ran. The protections came up and the attack on the house was absorbed but the reporters were filming it all, live on national television. The house was still fine. The reporters got to see Willow and Andrew run out to counter the magical attack. And Andrew pull out a giant robot to handle any physical attack because one was coming up. Another text message in warning and Buffy leaned out of the house. "Reporter people, move into the protections," she yelled with a point. "Before you get hit! We'll get blamed if you die from their stupid. 'Drew, Xander saw a second missile attack."

"Yup, already got it on magical radar," he called back, sending the robot to handle it. It blew off a hand but didn't hit the house and Willow sent back a curse at whoever did it. Somewhere in Iowa a group of militant yahoos were screaming as their group turned into stones that were on eternal fire.

Willow sneered at the sky. "Let those militant yahoos do it again," she sneered. "Let's see them push a button while on fire." She huffed at the witch coming out to nag her about calming down. "I'm fine!" She stomped off. "Andrew, we need to finish taking them down. Grab your laptop. We'll work from the library."

"Sure," he agreed, nodding and following her. "I can do that. You go meditate and I'll start?"

She glared at him. "I'm. Fine!"

"Sure. I agree you're fine," he said, nodding but still following her. It was really the only safe place to be, behind her.

"Willow, do control your temper," the older witch said as she followed her. "We really must control that before you have another incident." She shot Buffy a look.

"Yeah, we need Montana or wherever to still be around," Buffy agreed with a nod. The reporters could barely see it from their waiting spot.

"Iowa," Andrew corrected on his way to the kitchen to get his computer.

"Okay, Iowa then. I'm sure they'd miss their fields and corn and potatoes or whatever they grow there. Mara said it's really pretty and her grandmother's there so we can't destroy the whole area just to get them."

"I didn't!" Willow complained. "I just turned them to stone and set them on fire for eternity." She pouted. "I'm in good control of my magic, Buffy!" She stomped a foot.

"I know you are," she promised, giving her a hug. "But we all have a point where our temper takes over and we'd probably all miss Iowa," she said more calmly. "So let's let our fingers do the computer stuff instead of the magic stuff? Then we can go out to dinner? We can have ice cream for dinner? I don't have a date tonight anyway so it's a good night for ice cream."

"I can do ice cream but I might not be done hacking them yet." She kicked the door shut and stomped off to get her laptop so she could do some more damage. The reporters heard Buffy sigh in happiness and winced. That was probably a bad sign. When Rupert Giles got there and stomped in from his car they got to film him yelling for Willow and Andrew before he shut the door. They couldn't hear what he said but they could tell someone's voice was raised. Though it sounded more girlish. The reporters shared a look and sent the reports back to their offices.

Someone was not going to be happy but at least Iowa was still a state and full of living people who weren't statues or on fire.

***

Xander leaned down to rub his temples while he listened to the CNN people have a hissy about Willow. When another person pointed out she was protecting the slayer house and any slayers there from being attacked they agreed that was good but someone probably wanted to arrest them for it. Xander sent the anchor's twitter feed a nasty message about how the law never seemed to arrest anyone that ever attacked a slayer. So yes, they had to take their own protection into their own hands. Before more of them died and the military had to do it on their own like they wanted to.

Someone answered him in a mean way but he shrugged it off and cited incidents until that one logged off with a whine of 'that's not good'. The anchor got into his feed looking for comments and found his, reading it out loud. The anchor grimaced but someone looked those up and found out Xander was right.

So that stopped the complaining at least. For now. Though they were complaining about giant robots too. Xander put up a quip about better giant robots than some witch turning a large, scary demon into the house's bodyguards. The anchor saw that one and shuddered but agreed he'd rather have a controlled giant robot that reminded someone of an anime than charmed bodyguards.

Xander shook his head and turned off the tv before he started to rant at it about the stupid in the world again. He and his truck needed to have another talk before he lost his temper.

***

An agent walked up to Xander where he was hanging out in a bar. "Mr. Harris, may I have a moment please?" he asked, staying polite.

Xander blinked at him. "What's happened now?" he asked, sipping his lite beer. It was his only day off in a few weeks. It figured something was trying to happen.

"Sir, are you aware that the US president has tried to nominate you to hold a position in the cabinet?"

Xander burst out snickering, shaking his head. "No, I didn't know that. The guy's a bit cranked."

"Yes, sir, but he's pushing you to head SHIELD." Xander burst out in louder laughter. "We'd like to help you avoid that subject as we know that you're not suited to be the guy behind the desk giving orders until you're able to retire." Xander shook his head, smirking as he finished his beer. "Is there something we can use to discourage him?"

"Well, first, I'd be the guy who sat both heads of the Avengers and had a reality talk with them about their failures." He stared at him. "Hide bound asshole and 'I just want to make it better' guy are at odds and they need to work together. Thankfully someone's got them locked in a closet." He popped a breath mint from the bowl up the bar. "You know what, there's a guy who's a better choice. He's grieving hard and needs a new thing to take his attention. He probably won't want it, and it might get the president assassinated for it by some of his enemies, but he could probably handle all that weirdness. Named Wade Wilson. He's usually in New York."

The agent looked that name up then blinked at him. "Sir...."

Xander held up a hand with a grin. "He's able to handle all that stuff I can't and he does work well with spandex hero sorts. He's worked with most of the teams up there actually. He's also former military, and has worked with SHIELD in the past."

"That's....I'll suggest that instead of you."

"You can also tell the bigoted ass that I've been exposed to demon blood and DNA so I'd probably show up as less than human. He'd hate that."

"I can do that, sir. Thank you." He shook his hand, calling that in to his supervisor. His boss had been smart to enlist the poor man in his own defense before things got out of hand.

***

Up in New York a few hours later, a different agent walked up to a guy in a hoodie and sweat pants, one who was hiding his scars. "Mr. Wilson, may we speak please?" he asked, sounding patient.

"Why?" he asked, looking him over. "I'm Canadian so not into the US military."

"No, sir, not about how you can serve the people. Um...the president," he said then sighed. "He's tried to nominate someone for the new head of SHIELD who is not suitable and that one named you instead as you've had more experience in the manners that SHIELD would have to work." Wade was gripping the bar behind him, staring at the guy. "We realize this isn't a good idea but the president has only gotten your classified file, from before, and thinks you may be a good choice and is considering it. We wanted to request that if you went after him for that, that you do so in a way that wouldn't get any of his guarding agents harmed? Please?"

Wade swallowed but nodded. "Yeah, I can be more subtle or do something so the agents don't get hurt. I know it's not your choice to guard him. There's actually a few prices on his head."

"We know," the agent agreed. "Thank you, sir, and if you're approached?"

"I'll laugh like my ass was given happy gas by a dentist who's a molester and wanted me knocked out."

"Who was originally his target?" another guy down the bar asked.

"Xander Harris, the watcher in Africa." He looked at Wade again, who was looking confused. "He explained it as you needed something to take some attention and you had massive experience with the spandex hero sort that you'd have to deal with by running SHIELD."

"Yeah, I've worked with a lot of them," Wade agreed with a nod. "I'm going to freak out now."

"Yes, sir, understood perfectly, sir. You have a better night." He nodded at him and left. Behind him, someone gasped while swearing and another person was cackling like a hyena on the hunt. Many more were getting new drinks. So the bar was going to have a good night at least.

Now all he had to do was talk to the FBI about rejecting the background check on those two warriors. The US didn't need warriors in charge of things.

***

Xander was let into the meeting room where the two heros were trapped, listening to see if they were asleep.

"Stark, it's a closet, like it's been a closet all night."

"There's no clothes."

"It's a storage closet," Rogers complained with a sigh at the end. "Calm down."

Xander opened the door. "The demon who put you in here suggested I come save you and we have a talk," he said, staring at them. "He's sorry he set off the claustrophobia, Stark." They both came out and found the main door was missing. Xander shut the closet door and looked at them before sitting down. "Sit, guys. Let's talk about why a higher level demon decided to lock you two in a closet to work things out before it became another fist fight."

Rogers glared at him. "You don't know me, Harris."

"No, I know plenty about you, Rogers. You're willing to screw over the world for the sake of one man." Rogers stiffened at that, glaring at him. "And I kinda understand that."

"None of you...."

Xander held up a hand. "My best friend since we were in diapers was turned, Rogers. We didn't get to save him and I ended up staking him. It was the right thing to do even though it sucked ass. There were probably ways of saving your friend without creating a rift in your team that led to the world being attacked." Rogers huffed and went to stare out the single window. He looked at Stark. "The same as I understand why you'd want to create something to do some of the easier lifting for you because you're getting older and no one's able to take over your spot.

"Once your team's too injured there's no other heros ready to step up and in for you. I totally understand that. You and Willow, somewhat alike in that. That's how she justified not looking at how to uncall all the slayers. Because it'd end the calling and no one else would do it." He looked at Rogers. "They're not going to let you two out until you work some shit out, Rogers. So sit down." He got glared at. "Now please. I'm here to mediate and explain you to the other since you've both forgotten how to talk to your teammates."

"What if we don't want to?" Stark sneered, leaning back.

"Then you can stay in here and I'll be going to help one of my minis learn long division tonight." He shrugged. "There's been a push by a few different demon councils to put you two into big, shiny crystals because you two fighting is causing the world problems that mean we get attacked and they have to protect themselves. Frankly, they're really tired of having to protect humans. A number of them won't protect humans from anything anymore unless it'd impact their people too. Mostly because they get attacked back when they do because of someone," he said, staring at Rogers, "decided all demons are evil even if they're not."

"Are you the same messenger chick that showed up before?" Stark asked.

"No. That's Cordelia. She's the messenger for the Powers That Be. She's also a former Sunnydale slaying team member and the head cheerleader of our school. I'm surprised she had mellowed so much in the years since graduation. She's driven a few different harmful beings to committing suicide in the past." He looked at them both again. "So let's work this out so you two aren't trapped in here for a few more weeks. What's the main sticking point? Beyond operating methods?"

"The Accords," Steve said firmly, glaring at Stark.

"Which he didn't start," Xander said. "He was diffusing it by a lot. The slayers had to hide from all that too. We had to evacuate most of the houses to another realm because of that stupidity. Though it is understandable. Battles do a hell of a lot of damage, especially to those who weren't involved."

"He made that monster!" Steve said.

Xander stared at him. "I'm pretty sure he programmed it to not go that way so something got to it, and secondly, what's going to happen when you're too old to handle the shield?"

"What?" Steve demanded, staring at him.

"You're getting older," Xander said. "Stark's nearly fifty. Banner's nearly forty-eight if I heard right. Romanoff's younger but she and Hawkeye have damaged their bodies for years with battles and spy work. So have you. You probably have the least damage of any of your team outside the twins. You know that knee creaking thing in the morning? Each joint you damage gets that. Older people aren't as effective or as fast on the battlefield, Rogers. Who's going to handle your shield when you're too damaged or too old to handle it yourself? Or his suit? Or the agents who'll take over for your two spies?
"Speaking as watching slayers get damaged, heal, and age, we last effectively for about ten years." Stark nodded at that. "Then they fall back to a more supervisory or training position and just fall in when they have to or they want to go on patrol with a rookie slayer. Buffy's been doing this since we were fifteen and I'm almost thirty now. I know damn well all the damage I've taken will take me out someday. I'll end up dying in a battle and there's no one to follow me. There's no one to follow you. Or Stark. Or most of your team. So then what?"

"I was working on breaking the Accords so they were more reasonable," Stark said calmly. Steve stared at him. "Then you undercut it with Bucky."

"I'm pretty sure they don't need a list," Xander said dryly. "SHIELD already had one. It came out with the data dump. And it got a lot of them injured and a few dead because people went 'they're weird, let's kill them'." He looked at Rogers again. "Yes, that was conscription and a lot of the Accords was a bad idea. That's why it got stopped in most countries and a few had people who had to flee. Including in the US since our president is cranked mentally.

"In fact he tried to nominate me to lead SHIELD." Stark burst out laughing. "Yeah. More than once actually. I suggested Wade Wilson instead." He looked at Rogers again. "Did you come out and put out a thoughtful, reasonable argument against the Accords? At all? Or did you go off half-cocked, attack and split your team, and then let some of your people attack civies?"

"What?" Rogers demanded.

"The witch, dude. She sicced Banner on a city, like a real city, to divert everyone's attention." Rogers winced. "Also, a lot of us hate collateral damage, even if it's unavoidable. And if we lose that feeling of guilt over it, then we're broken. If you can't feel guilt about senseless violence taking out non-combatants you shouldn't be in the field. You should be on a couch in a therapist's office. That's about the same as those who only care about certain races existing." Rogers got up and went to kick a wall.

Xander looked at Stark. "You're not getting off scot free either. The road to hell and all that? You paved it very well." He stared at him. "Having known Rosenburg since she was five, and her parents being awful shrinks who needed their licenses yanked more than once, I've seen the same things happen. Hers became an addiction to magic and her always seeing herself as right due to it.

"You have a lot of that. Mostly because you've been doing it alone for a long time." Stark grimaced but nodded. "You've seen problems and tried to solve them without letting anyone else give you advice. You're not the Goddess, you can't solve everything, and even if you could it'd just drag you down farther. Like volunteering does."

"I..."

Xander held up a hand. "I know. I've seen her doing 'I'm powerful so I'm right' a few times. The only thing that separated you and vonDoom is that you care about the welfare of people. But it's not a solo job. And yeah, a lot of that is that *someone* refused to listen." He shot a glare at Rogers, then looked at Stark again. "You're really taking a whole lot of the job yourself because you've seen no one else doing it. Though there are people who do handle those things. There's others in spandex who handle more minor things. There's more mutants being born every year due to environmental decay. So yeah, you need an heir to the suit, and maybe even a lineage so it's not lost if they get hurt or killed and you have to pull a pure comic book move and take it back up when you're eighty."

"I'd suck at that. I don't...."

"You can't let others be in charge because that takes away your abilities and makes you feel like they're treating you like a kid," Xander said with a nod. "Seen it. I'm the most unlistened to seer ever, Stark. Until something happens and then someone remembered I saw it a few years ago." He shrugged. "You two need to work out how to be a team again. How to merge the two groups again. And how to handle problems within the groups. I hate to say this but Captain PTSD over here never got help for it after he got thawed. He probably didn't get a lot of help for the shock of waking up so many years later. He just got shoved into his spangly uniform, handed his shield, and told to go handle things with Romanoff. Fury's an ass about his people's health and well being."

"You know a lot about Nick Fury?" Steve snorted.

"I know enough and I've met plenty with his management style," Xander said dryly. "And had to help take some of them out. And I'm about to take him out because he keeps trying for one of my minis and I'm about to shove a rocket up his ass and launch him into space. She's five. She should be a kid, not the next Black Widow. Especially since slayers aren't supposed to be harming humans. It breaks the slayer coding in the spirit that they all get hit with." He stared at him. "You two need to work out the control issues you both have. You're used to having control now that you're bigger. You took right to it after you got changed over. Probably because you didn't have a lot before, but all the history books said that you sure tried a lot and got your ass kicked when you did. "

"I didn't think doing the right thing... I did get into a lot of fights," Rogers admitted, sitting at the other end of the table again. "Mostly against bullies."

"And then you got bigger so you could effectively fight bullies, and you took command, and you never let anyone tell you otherwise," Xander reminded him.

"We had a colonel who gave us orders."

"He gave you intel and let you make orders," Stark corrected. "Dad's files had video of it, Steve." He looked at Harris. "What about yours?"

Xander smirked at him. "If you two fail, I've got to step in and I'll desecrate your grave afterwards. I get into plenty of world-ending battles already. Thanks," he said dryly. "You guys don't jump into demon battles. And half the time when you do, you don't help any. Like not listening to how to handle something and making the problem in the cemetery worse." He stared at Steve. "If someone has more experience than you in that area, do you listen to them?"

"I usually try to."

"And yet you didn't."

"I was sure it'd work."

"Yeah, that only works when it's against humans, who die by a variety of methods. Killing aliens or demons usually requires a bit more work. You can't just shoot most of them. Well, one can be killed but you'd need plutonium bullets." Stark shuddered. "Yeah. We managed to raid a group of morons with bad ideas and took their explosives to use against them. Thankfully I'm so full of hellmouth radiation I didn't soak up too much more of the other kind."

He looked at the older hero again. "So, if you want to learn how to handle demon battles, we'll gladly hand over information. Frankly, the girls could use the help. They won't look up to you. You've both broken that because neither of you were good role models. Hell, the only ones I'd suggest is Banner and Barton really. They've both handled things, big and bad and normal and simple and everything in between, and managed to heal afterwards."

"Fury pulled him from the field," Stark said.

"Yeah, and then told him he was tainted and unworthy. Really great thing to do. What would you have done after being captured if he had said that to you?"

"I would've lashed out and probably taken down SHIELD," Stark admitted.

Xander nodded. "I probably would've worked against him." He looked at Steve.

"Nick's a friend."

"He's only a friend to himself and for plans," Stark said. "He's manipulated me with stuff my father left."

"Frankly, if the idiot higher up in the US gets his wish, I'm sending you both to therapy," Xander quipped, staring at them. "You could both use it. You've both got PTSD that's been not fully handled. Some of you can bullshit your way around things," he said, staring at Stark. "You know, someone compared you to Rain Man in the press because of the bimbo manwhore you pretend to be. Or used to be." Stark groaned.

Xander looked at Steve, who was grimacing. "Yeah, things have changed and even back then you had manwhores, Rogers. Even during prohibition there were party boys and manwhores and bimbos who wanted a wallet and sugar daddy. You're having shock adjusting from being poor but sturdy, and then the military stuff, and now things are culturally different and you're not a poor boy who has to eat turnips for six days in a row because that's all you could afford."

"I didn't have to worry about money but the first thing I did was buy myself my own house," Stark agreed with a nod. "To make it mine. My house, my rules, my own kingdom."

Xander nodded. "It's a good thing and gives you a good base to grow from. Rogers, have you even started to build a base to steady yourself on?"

"I have Bucky."

"Rogers, let's be honest," Xander said, staring at him. "Do you really have Bucky back or do you have the guy that he became? War changes people." Steve glared again. "Are you the same guy you were, mentally and all that, as you were at eighteen?" Steve slowly shook his head. "Or after your first month being on the USO tour?" Steve shook his head again. "Or even after your first month of war? Or after Sokovia?"

"I...no I'm not," he admitted, making himself relax. "Bucky can't protect himself without bringing up the bad memories."

Xander nodded. "Isn't that why he's raising goats now?"

Steve blinked at that. "Yeah. That's not a bad idea."

"Well, if you live long enough to retire, you can start up a farm too," Xander quipped. "You can even do it if you end up in a wheelchair. You might have to hire a few helpers though." Steve slumped, grimacing. "Is you hovering over your friend helping him? A lot of that has to be done by yourself, and while you supporting him is good, you can't do it all. And you're hurting others by doing that. Including ripping your team apart."

"They were going to capture him and take him to be wiped and used for the US's goals," Steve ground out.

Xander nodded. "Then feel free to wreck that shit. The US shouldn't be doing it either!" He shrugged. "No one would be upset about that, dude. Stark, would you have helped with that?"

"I wanted Bucky somewhere he was safe in case he slipped back under control. Which they did."

"Psych wards are horrible places that end up harming more people than not," Xander reminded him.

"I could've gotten him into a private facility that worked with brainwashed people. There's a great one in Switzerland. They would've guarded him and helped him with all that coming back out."

"They wouldn't have protected him," Steve said firmly. "He could've been taken from there by those same people or HYDRA again!"

"So create the homegrown version," Xander said. "Get a therapist who knows about brainwashing, even from that clinic. Put Bucky into protective custody that you monitor and you can pop around to visit or live next door to if necessary, and hire a few former agents to help." Steve slumped, staring at him. "Put it on an island so he can't be snatched without warning. That way he couldn't retrigger himself and escape either. You could be there when you're not on team or other duties to help him. Set up a small compound with multiple houses and all that. With a farm since he seems to like goats."

"I could've found a way to do that," Stark agreed. "But he needed hardcore memory breaking first. It would've hurt more but been a cleaner retrieval. I looked over how they deprogrammed Natasha and how she ended up with gaps to this day."

Steve stared at him. "If you had offered that, I might've been able to talk him into it. Instead you attacked us."

"Your friend was trying to take me out, Rogers. Did you want me to lay down and die?"

"No!"

"It's an emotional thought instead of a rational or a practical thought," Xander reminded them. "Rogers realigned his hierarchy of importance to put the touchstone he used to lean on up at the top, over everything else. And doing that meant he made some weird choices that probably weren't healthy. The same as Stark made some weird choices that weren't healthy but was trying to backtrack on them." Stark nodded he agreed with that. "At the moment, both of you have 'my shit doesn't stink' moments that need to be weeded out. You've both done wrong, you've both caused hell, and you've both caused the rift in the team. Now, it's time to be big, adult heros and fix it before something takes out humanity again." They stared at him. "Do you think Thanos can't come back? You drove him off, you didn't kill him. He can come back. There's also bigger bads out there. Had the visions to prove it and the next one's blue." He stared at them.

"Blue?" Stark demanded.

"Yeah. Named Apocalypse. Real cute of him to have an honest name."

Steve shuddered. "Does that one have a glove?"

"No. He can control people. Including guys just like you only with real powers." He grinned. "He's where we get the four horsemen thing from."

Steve groaned. "How long?"

"Few years."

"Damn." He looked at Stark, seeing him how he was. "How's Pepper?"

"Mad. Very mad. Not just about this though."

"I..." He grimaced. "We do need to talk things out."

"Yeah, we do," he agreed. "And I'm not sure if it'll fully heal things."

"You can't go back in time to do that without magic," Xander said dryly. "I can refer you to the Coven or Strange if you want to."

"No thanks," Stark said, shaking his head quickly. "Magic is very weird and wrong."

"Fundamental forces, dude. It works with physics." He grinned. "Could be worse. We could be in a realm that has dragons and unicorns and all sorts of creatures. There's a spell to do that to the world."

"Less pollution," Steve quipped.

"Yup. More earth healing and not really taking out tech. Though dragons probably wouldn't really like cars."

Stark shuddered. "That's so weird."

"Yeah but weird works," Xander said with a grin for him. "Without weird we wouldn't have portals that have let thousands of beings flee from violence. And some get here to go to college or to find a career that would support their families. And some who're here for worse reasons."

"Like any immigration," Stark said. Xander nodded. He looked at his teammate again. "We do need to hold a summit to work things out. The whole team."

"You'll have to hold it in the US. If they catch your witch outside the US again they're going to try to kill her." Xander shrugged. "We can't change the decision of those councils. Those are like regional governments for their demon communities. She nearly destroyed one by siccing Banner on it. They consider that genocide of both humans and demons by means of magical coercion and force. Most of them consider her worse than Hitler's people because she did it as a diversion, just an off-hand thing to get away. He at least had an ideological idiocy going."

"Are they against Stark for what his program did?"

Xander stared at him. "They said it was something that got out of hand. That it was not meant to do that and they realized that it gained sentience and overrode all protections he had put on it. They do hate him for it but it is seen as accidental instead of intentional."

"It was," Stark agreed. "And I've made reparations."

"Which is a thing that they looked at. You stood up and took action, you took back control of it, you helped fix the problems it created. They knew that was not the intention of it. The ones who realized why it was created agreed that you probably had a point about making something to solve that problem. They'll watch you for the rest of your life for more bad ideas to show up and possibly take you out if you have another problem like that one."

Stark nodded. "I'm hoping it won't be a good idea. I almost turned on Ultron's program to help us against Thanos but I thought it might be counterproductive and align with him."

Steve blinked at him. "Seriously?"

"Yeah. If I was sure I could make him fight against Thanos it would've helped the battle a lot more."

Steve blinked. "That's probably a bad idea."

"Which is why I didn't."

Xander pulled out his phone and put the video he selected up so they could see it. Steve shuddered, backing away. Stark was wincing at it. "The last battle of Sunnydale, guys. Thousands of super vamps we had to get through to bleed seven slayers on an altar, and then make out way back out. Because Rosenburg decided we had to have Buffy back. We think she was prompted but we can't be certain. She lied about what she did to bring Buffy back. She didn't think about any implications that might mean. Does Stark do that, Rogers?"

"No." He looked at him. Xander turned off the video and put his phone back into his pants pocket. He looked at Xander. "How did you survive that?"

"Sheer dumb luck to quote a mythical teacher," Xander said dryly. "We lost some there. I lost my former fiancee. I lost a few friends too. We lost some of the girls. A lot of those girls had been raised by the Council to sacrifice their lives for the greater good. Them losing the girl next to them shook them badly and we had to work with them about it before the LA invasion."

"Why weren't you at the invasion?" Stark demanded, staring at him.

Xander grinned. "Buffy decided I was having more fun and worked out better down here so she didn't tell me there was a battle. She only called on the European slayers and the US ones for it. If they had lost I would've had to come back to fight against the rest of the old liners and take the girls over from them."

"Shit."

"Yeah, she keeps telling me I'm normal." He shrugged. "So I walk off and disprove her. Repeatedly."

"I got told I was worthless and useless, only good to be a drunk," Tony sighed, shifting to put his feet up.

Xander nodded. "Rogers got told he was too delicate and small to handle problems." Steve sighed and nodded, looking at his hands. "What would your higher authority think of your current lives? Your mom, whoever?"

"My mother would've soaped my mouth for swearing so often," Steve admitted.

"My mother too," Stark agreed. "I would've gotten that disappointed look that I hated from Jarvis and his wife." Steve looked at him oddly. "Yeah, there was originally a Jarvis who was the housekeeper. He practically raised me." Steve's mouth flopped open. "He and Aunt Peggy both agreed that my father had went to hell already and was dragging others with him."

"I...you weren't at her funeral."

"No. I didn't want to cause a problem, Steve. She would've come out of that casket and beaten my with her hat. I said my goodbyes in private."

Steve cleared his throat. "I didn't realize she kept working with your dad after the war."

"Yup. They started SHIELD," Stark said dryly. "I didn't get to see a lot of that thankfully. I saw more of Jarvis and his wife than I did anyone."

"That sucks," Steve said quietly. "Did Peggy train you or anything?"

"Nope. I heard Dad telling her to leave me alone because I wasn't worth the effort." He stared at him. "She got Jarvis to teach me how to be a real man."

Steve nodded. "She taught a few soldiers those lessons too." He looked at Xander. "Your friend?"

"Jesse?"

Steve nodded. "What if you had to take him out?"

"Admittedly me staking him was an accident but I knew that I had to then. I couldn't let him go out to eat me, or Willow, or his family. And it fell on my shoulders because Willow was too delicate and would just sob about it. Back then I shouldn't have dragged her with me to get to know Buffy. I knew it was going to come down to him going to dust. Even if it wasn't that night, it would've been later when he tried to come after me to eat or turn me. You can't let a monster loose if you can stop it. I also know that when I finally do die, however that happens, he'll be waiting on me and will beat my ass until I'm a puddle and I'll probably let him without complaint because he has that right."

Stark swallowed. "That sucks, kid."

"Yeah but if I hadn't gotten him, or someone hadn't gotten him, he would've come after me, Willow, his family, all his friends. He would've probably come after Cordy because he loved to pick on her." He shrugged. "I couldn't let that happen."

Steve nodded once. "I can't do that if Bucky goes down again."

"We'd never let you," Stark reminded him. "We'd send Hawkeye to do it. Or we'd let him be captured by an unfriendly agency. I'd never let you do that, Steve. That'd be cruel to even have you distract him."

Steve looked at him and nodded. "Thanks."

"Not a problem." He looked at the kid. "What happens if Rosenburg goes dark?"

"Again?" Xander asked with a grin. "She nearly destroyed humanity once in her grief, Stark. I stopped her from doing it then. The coven made her grieve and let go of all the black magic she sucked up. Next time, I'll probably have to end her. Not like most of the people at the Council could or would. Though some would just to piss off Giles."

"You guys are so screwed," Tony said.

Xander nodded. "Yeah but we do what we have to do so you guys get to live in ignorant bliss about that stuff. You guys didn't know a thing about any demonic apocalypse battle until the one that hit LA. You let the lies to cover them up soothe you because it made sense to you." He shrugged. "Sunnydale was a smaller version of that so we were used to it. The attention after LA made Buffy and a few others freak out."

"Who takes over if you fall?" Steve asked.

Xander shrugged. "Probably nobody. Not like I've got a kid waiting to avenge me. Or a protege I let read the same comic books I used to read and stan on Hawkeye's comics to get that feeling that normal people can do great things." He smirked at him. "Reading those comics for years made it easy for me to push to jump in and help Buffy. It was the right thing to do. And that comic book was basically my ethical guideline because my parents were drunken pieces of shit."

"I didn't know he had any," Stark said, frowning. "Really?"

"Yeah. Still going on. That and he used to play in the demon poker circuit so I heard a lot about him. There's a lot of us who stanned him because he was the normal guy who handled shit."

Stark nodded. Steve grimaced. "Yeah, he is." He sighed. "Any idea where he is?"

"Home, with his family. Cordy made sure of it," Xander said. "As he should've been. He desperately needed to be with them to help him heal the mental trauma of watching them turn to dust and fade."

Steve shuddered. So did Stark. "We all lost people," Stark said quietly, looking at Steve.

"I was next to Bucky," he agreed.

"I had Peter next to me, hugging me," Stark said. Steve winced but nodded. "I just wanted him to be safe. He demanded to help." He was unconsciously rubbing his wrist but when he realized it he made himself stop.

Xander nodded. "Sometimes you gotta do the right thing, even if it hurts. In his case, that was probably what he was doing. He thought it was too important."

"He's a kid," Stark said firmly.

"And Buffy was fifteen when she was called," Xander said. "I was almost sixteen when I jumped in with Willow." Stark slumped. "We may have been young but we knew that it needed to be handled and done. Even if it hurt us to do it. Because no one else would. Just like you remade the first suit into something sleeker and went to handle things no one else was. Because no one was going to fill that gap."

"True," Stark said, grimacing. "And somewhere in there I lost hope of anyone else ever joining in."

Xander nodded. "Well, have a son show up. Or a daughter. Girls can do good science too." He grinned. "If you can't train one you gotta make one, Stark. Otherwise someone's going to create one for you after you die."

"Pepper can protect the suit."

"Not if she's gone too," Xander said dryly. "And she can't fight the government breaking in to steal it. Or just jacking your plans by hacking you." Stark grimaced. "They might already have some. Are you going to trust them with them?"

"No. I already don't." He looked at Steve.

"My shield's a symbol, but it can't destroy things on its own." He took a deep breath. "We do need to talk and work this out. Hold a NATO summit." Stark nodded. "I...can we do that after breakfast?"

"Yeah, we can do that. I could use some coffee." Xander got up and left. They saw the door and headed for it, finding their teammate on the other side. "Clint."

"Stark. Rogers. We working on things? The demons that summoned me said that you two had to work things out before bigger things come. Then I saw Harris."

"He let us out of the closet they had us trapped in and sat us down to remind us that we both had problems that needed to be fixed and we both had to work on things. C'mon, you can help and mediate," Stark said, walking off. "We need food."

"Do you think they did something so we had to listen to him?" Steve asked as they walked off together.

"Probably," Stark agreed. "Though he did have his points." Steve nodded he agreed with that. He looked at Clint. "They summoned you?"

"They told the wife first, but yeah. Said it was a problem within the team."

Stark nodded. "Harris suggested we all need therapy."

Clint nodded. "We're nowhere near normal, Stark. Not a single one of us. Probably including Harris."

Steve looked at him. "You have comic books?"

"Have for a few years now. Someone at SHIELD started that off as a way to make them look nicer." He shrugged and put his hands in his pockets. "Then someone decided they liked it so they kept it going for a few years. No idea about anything."

"Huh." The two heros shared a look and nodded at each other. "Does Natasha know?" Stark asked.

"Yes, and she made fun of me for years," Clint said dryly. "Still probably would too but I showed her hers and she freaked out." He smirked at them. Steve snickered, shaking his head. They were let out of the building and found themselves up by the new avengers campus, in the small town closest to it. And Pepper just pulling into a parking spot a bit away. "That was handy," Clint said, looking back and not finding a doorway. "Thanks," he called then followed the other two. Pepper looked happy to see them. "I got asked to mediate."

She patted him on the cheek. "That's always a good thing. Let's go talk some more, but out of sight, people."

"Breakfast first," Stark told her, heading for the diner. "Do you have my wallet?" She nodded, going to pay for their food and take them back to the new campus so they could sit down and talk.

Wanda spotted them and stomped off so Clint followed her. "Okay, so let's talk since it's apparently the day for therapy for avengers members," he said, staring at her.

"I will not work with Stark!" she shouted with a point.

Clint sighed. "Do you blame the gun manufacturers for people being shot?" She flinched back, staring at him. "He didn't send that bomb, Wanda. In fact, it's likely that the guy who had control of the company sold it illegally and Stark stopped that because he found out when they kidnaped him. He had nothing to do with that beyond having his name on the company." He stared at her. "Do you blame the people who shoot others or the guns that got made for shootings?" She glared and stomped off. "Fine. We'll be talking in the other room." He felt the wind from Pietro and shrugged at him. "It's true."

"It is," he agreed. "My sister is stuck on that point."

"Then get her to a therapist. Sam's one." Pietro blinked. Clint grinned. "He is, he works with returning soldiers."

"Let myself and Vision talk to her."

"I have no idea where he is," Clint admitted. "I'll ask." He left them to talk. "Hey, Pietro wondered where Vision is."

"Probably in our safehouse over there, where we were until earlier," Stark said after thinking for a second. He sent him a text message, getting one back. "He's in Wakanda working on the little robot and that germ puppy thing. He'll be back here tonight." He put his phone up after sending that message. He looked at Clint before eating a bite of breakfast. "Your kids okay?"

"Yeah. They're good. They don't remember." He sat down with a sigh. "I'm glad they don't remember anything about that." Stark nodded, shoving his box over. "Thanks, Stark." He dug in, looking at Steve. "So where do we start the talking?"

"Let's start at the beginning. We need to work out how to work together again," Steve said. "In the battle in Wakanda, we were doing mostly our own thing but moving forward."

"Which is the easiest and fastest way to get ahead but also go missing someone," Clint agreed. He nodded at Scott as he showed up with Hope. "Hey, guys."

Scott smiled and punched him on the arm. "Our kids are penpals. I hope you don't mind?"

"Nah, they could use more kids who understood. The local kids give them funny looks for having me as a dad." He shrugged but smirked slightly. "My daughter had to break the gym coach's heart. He wanted her on the school's team."

"Can she do the karate lessons and the like? Some schools have judo teams," Hope offered.

"Oh, they get self defense lessons," Clint assured her with a grin. "Auntie Nat made sure." She grinned back. "Sit, guys. We're working out some of the stress before more demons lock us all in a closet." He ate some toast with eggs on top.

"At least it was a bigger closet," Stark said dryly. "Could've been too tiny to move in."

"It was a very roomy storage closet," Steve agreed.

"They did?" Scott asked, sitting down.

"Yeah," Steve said with a nod. He ate a bit of his scrambled eggs.

"Then they had Harris, from the Council, show up to nag us," Stark agreed. "He had some points."

"Including that we need to work together because there's always bigger problems on the way. He said the next massive one was named Apocalypse."

Clint choked, shaking his head. "Great, the wanna be overlord of mutant kind." He got some coffee to clear his throat. "I can get the files on when he was here before." He sat down. "At least this one's blue."

Hope shook her head slowly. "Are all the bad guys strange colors?"

"Not sure," Clint admitted. "Some just wear freaky things I guess." He shrugged. "I'm not MIB, ask Thor?"

"Yeah, I can do that if we see him soon." She looked at Scott, who shrugged back. "As a question, should we be taking special training times?"

Clint smirked at her. "Yes, you should." He nodded.

"I meant to work with the team," she said. "I've already taken a lot of other training, Barton."

"Possibly," Steve agreed. "We do need to work on working together. We did okay when we just all jumped in for the battle of Manhattan. We managed to pull it together and we each had our own areas but we came together well."

Stark nodded. "We did okay. Could've used more help."

"It would've been nice," Steve agreed with a nod. Clint nodded since his mouth was full. "Since then...we've had problems. We need to work on them." He stared at Stark. "I should have listened some."

Stark nodded. "And I didn't even bother to explain things because you weren't listening." Pepper cleared her throat from her seat. He looked at Hope. "Part of the problems I've tried to fix included having no one to follow us in the future."

"My daughter might follow me," Scott said. "Her mother will freak out and scream a lot. Then put her in a hospital and have her drugged up until she's normal again."

Hope nodded. "I'm a second generation one already. Some day I'll have kids but no clue, Mr. Stark."

"You are?" Steve asked.

She nodded. "My mother was the Wasp, the original one, and got lost in between space." Steve blinked a few times. She grinned. "Scott found her. She and my dad are cooing at each other while trying hard not to fight about wearing the uniform."

Scott nodded. "I'm technically a second generation one since her dad had my suit first. Way back in the day."

Stark shook his head quickly. "Wow, didn't realize that."

"Your dad and her dad had a fight," Scott reminded him.

"Yeah, I heard. Wow." He rubbed his forehead, sitting back. "Okay, so we do have some second generation and some who may someday become third gen. Hawkass?"

"Not likely and Laura will scream more than Scott's wife and sob on us. She's already vowed she'd stop any heroics in action so she doesn't have to worry about two of us."

Pietro came walking out shaking his head. "Some day my sister will have children and we can remind them that being a hero is a dumb idea that will ruin your life." He got some coffee and came back to join in. He stared at the two he didn't know.

"Hope VanDyne," she said with a grin and a point. "Scott Lang. He's the Ant Man. I'm the Wasp."

"Ah!" He nodded. "I saw those files. That's very weird that you both shrink."

"I can fire Scott on an arrow," Clint said with a smirk for his buddy. Then at Pietro. "So he can go wreck stuff then expand."

Pietro nodded. "That is handy, yes. Something we could have used." Stark nodded at that. "Why is my sister mad?"

"Because we reminded her she turned into someone like the IRA," Clint said. "Sorry but..." He waved a hand around.

"I can see that," Pietro agreed. "It's something we need to work out." He looked at Stark. "Her... boyfriend?"

"Coming later tonight from Wakanda."

"That's fine. She can pout for a few hours." He shifted to cross his feet. "Are there upcoming problems?"

"There's always problems," Barton said.

"Bite your tongue. We could use a few days off," Stark complained. "I need to do some maintenance work after we took out that group of morons who had captured women."

Steve winced. "Are they okay?"

"They're not the first that it's happened to and been rescued," Stark said. "They might not be the most gentle but they've handled a lot of them before. It's unfortunate but a sucky reality that needs to be changed."

"Are they on our lists?" Scott asked.

"If we run into them, yup," Stark said with a nod.

Steve nodded after a second. "We helped flush them out and close down their camp, plus rescue a lot of the women they had. Harris, the Council guy, was down there and had some local demons helping track them. And any that got away they got to have some fun with I guess. We rescued about twenty women."

Scott grimaced. "That totally blows, guys. Are we working against more like that?"

"If we run into them," Stark agreed. "I'm all for picking a fight against them but I know we won't be as effective because we're not down there and they won't trust us because we're Americans."

"We did get a lot of stiffness thanks to being white americans," Steve agreed. "And I can see why with how colonialism screwed up things." He ate a bite of his toast. "I don't know how to fix that."

"You support the native peoples," Clint said. "If there's a local company that employs locals then you support the over someone from outside. You support their work to help educate them and support their women and children's charities. The same as you do for Native Americans."

Steve blinked. "I didn't think about that. Do we have a charity program, Pepper?"

"We do have someone who does pick our charities for us," she said. "I can put you on with her if you wanted to set up something for donating purposes. Or you can do it yourself and go through someone like Charity Navigator. It's a site that rates charities on a few spectrums so you can find ones that you agree with."

Steve nodded. "Thanks, Pepper. I'll figure out which way I want to do that this week." She smiled and nodded. He looked at Stark.

"I have a charitable foundation," he said. "They only do grants and scholarships."

"I have to oversee them to make sure they do good for the ones they should," Pepper said patiently. "We take in applications for scholarships and grants. Plus his mom's foundation for breast cancer and domestic violence funding." Tony grinned at her and nodded. "Should we set up one for younger wannabe heros?"

"No. If they want to train to be a team member, they can talk to us," Clint said. "There's a few already, guys. Including some older people who do the minor jobs, like Peter does." Stark nodded he realized that.

"He's still doing that?" Steve demanded.

"Yeah. He was doing it for over a year before Stark found him," Clint said dryly. "SHIELD tracked him."

"Geez. Can we stop him so he can have a few normal years?"

"Nope," Stark said. "According to his uncle, with great power comes great responsibility." He looked at his teammate. "He does confine himself to minor things but he's got a few different minor villains that want to get him already. Worries me and his aunt incredibly but I can't say much with why I got into my suit."

"Peter's not a kid that could've been recruited into SHIELD either," Clint said. "That would've given him a lot of training in tactics and fighting skills. Kid could use it, Stark."

"I know. I have Happy helping with that." He grimaced. "I'd like the kid to take his senior year off. And maybe his freshman year of college. But noooooo." Pepper giggled. "I know, it's like he's my kid sometimes." He sighed, looking at Barton. "Your oldest is...."

"About ready to go to regular martial arts classes," he said. "She will not be in spandex, Stark. She hates my guns and my bow for more than target time. She thinks Hope's cool but mostly because she's fashionable." Hope grinned at him. "She'll be one of those women who can defend the homestead but doesn't want to go out to solve a problem. I hope."

"There's a young avengers team," Scott reminded him.

Clint winced. "I've seen and met and discouraged to no end. Yup, they still wanna keep going. And my mini me is pretty cool. She's watching my dog."

Steve gave him a funny look. "You have a protege?"

"No, she blatantly stole my bow, Cap. She's sure she wants to make sure no kid gets pushed toward our lives the way she felt she was by what's happened to her." Steve slumped, shaking his head. "She's good. Doesn't want to be deadly, wants to solve problems. Vowed if her teammates turned into the cluster fuck our team does now and then she'd kick all their asses. Miss America is just as punch happy as you are by the way." He grinned.

Steve stared. "Miss America?"

"America Chavez," Pepper said. "Nice girl. Very strong. Punches people through walls sometimes. Very nice young woman though. Kate's a nice young woman from a semi-bad family but she's more like her mom from what I've heard. Peter's met them and said they were all pretty nice kids too but they can't work together."

Clint nodded. "Yup. They've got some weird skills in the group but they're coming together well."

"They're kids," Stark said. "And I hate that."

"Yeah but they won't be stopped from helping if they can and it's near them," Clint said. "Pietro would've done the same thing with his sister." That kid nodded. "He's only nineteen. Peter was sixteen."

"Which gave me multiple gray hairs. Can we discourage them?" he asked.

"Nope," Pepper said, shaking her head with a smile. "They took your backstory and agreed that if you had the skills and the desire you should do it. I tried to talk to Miss Chavez about it. She's firm about it."

"I guess that makes sense," Stark sighed. "Though I don't like kids doing that."

Pepper cleared her throat and leaned closer. "The president is trying to get them conscripted into the military to handle things for the government. So far they've managed it and we've filed multiple injunctions to help them." She smiled. "You need to help them stay free."

"Yes I do," Tony agreed, looking at Steve. Who nodded. "We can help the kids."

Pepper smiled at Clint. "I heard that the president wants Harris, that Council guy, to take over SHIELD."

"Yeah, I've heard that rumor and he's fighting against it," Stark agreed. "He told us that and he suggested some guy named Wade Wilson to take his place instead since he dealt more with spandex hero sorts as he put it." Clint burst out laughing and fell onto the floor rolling around. "I must've missed the joke. Hey, Barton?"

"Deadpool," he gasped out.

"Oh!" Stark nodded and sighed. "I ran into him once. Yeah....but probably not as dangerous as Fury was." He blinked a few times.

Natasha came strolling in. "What's happened now?"

"The president suggested Harris to take over SHIELD," Stark said. She grimaced and shook her head. "He suggested Wade Wilson."

She frowned, looking at Clint. "The one with the swords?" she demanded. He grinned and nodded, giggling some more. "Oh, dear. Well...." She walked off with a sigh, calling someone. "Harris is still fighting against being named over SHIELD," she said in greeting. "He suggested Deadpool instead." She hung up on the groaning and yelling going on. "I'm sure they'll stop that."

"Oh, damn," Clint said, getting up and dusting himself off before sitting back down. "Yeah, that'd definitely change SHIELD."

Pepper sent a message to some people. "Maybe we can head him off." She read one she got back. "The Council guy hated that the president got fixated on him doing good things," she noted. She looked up. "He said he doesn't want it."

"No one can take his place either," Stark said. "We talked about that too." Steve nodded, stuffing his mouth with the last of his breakfast.

***

Xander looked around the official birthday celebration of a school a few of his slayers went to. He had tried to let the girls not attend but he had been overruled so they were there being bored by all the adults who wanted to brag about being for female education. The slayers, of course, were stupidly bored in a corner away from all the sorts who could cause them problems. They had already caught six people in the room with offering marks from demonic deals so yeah, they were being bored in a corner. Xander looked down at his girls. "Okay, let's do girlish things. What's your patronus?"

The three girls stared at each other then at him. One smiled. "A gnu. They're big, strong, have weaknesses but horns to defend themselves, and they're smart enough to know when to run away instead of fighting."

Xander grinned and nodded. "They make funny noises that sound like you snoring too." She giggled and swatted them then looked at the slayer next to her.

"A lioness. They're strong hunters but they have lazy males," she said, glaring at her father where he was talking to higher ups.

"Women do rule the pride," Xander agreed with a nod. "And do most of the work cooperatively with the other females." He looked at the other one. "What about you?"

"Some sort of reptile. They're usually smart and cunning for their size, and deadly when they're bothered but mostly just want to be left alone to sun themselves and eat."

Xander nodded. "They can be great hunters when they need to eat, and when they're disturbed, or peed on like I've done twice now." The girls giggled. "I'd be an emu. They're a flightless really big bird, but they scare Australians. They actually lost a war to emus a few decades back over grazing rights."

"The country lost against birds?" one of them asked. Xander nodded. They all pulled out their phones to look up what an emu was and what had happened. They giggled and nodded. That did sound a lot like their watcher.

"Girls," the headmistress said, sounding stressed and like she was trying to be cheerful.

"They're looking up what an emu is," Xander quipped with a grin. "It'd be my patronus."

The headmistress gave him a tight smile. "They could go make contacts."

Xander leaned closer to her. "With all the demonic deal markings we saw," he said quietly. "I don't think it's a good idea for them to get too used to seeing a slayer." She winced but nodded. "We're good. I'm going to sneak them off for fast food in a few minutes then bring them back for curfew."

"I think that's a great idea, Watcher Harris. Thank you." She shook his hand and he did teach the girls how to sneak out of a fairly full room. She went to talk to her husband, who had a mark on his arm, but she knew why. She loved him even though he had sold his soul to find a good wife. Though it did make her wonder if that was why all of her little girls hated his art class. She'd have to ask tomorrow.

***

Xander was in a mall a few days later and spotted something bad. Something really bad. He glanced around. No security guards. Two guys with bulky vests and muttering prayers as they walked. "Aww fuck," he muttered. "Fire!" he shouted. A few people started and ran. "Fire!" He ran for a store. "People with bulky vests!" he told a salesperson. She hit the button and the store got evacuated through the back. Out in the main areas, the fire alarm was going off to clear the area. People were being mostly orderly, a bit of pushing but not stampeding. Xander looked. He grabbed a guard and pointed. "Bulky vests! Prayers as they walk. Not running now."

"Did you call the fire in?" he demanded.

Xander pointed. "I wasn't going to shout suicide bomber," he said dryly. The guy nodded that was wise and was calling it in. Xander came out to move people. "Into the stores! There's back ways out! Get out of the main area!" One of the guys flinched and tried to grab the switch out of his pocket but it was stuck. The other looked up and Xander shot him in the head. The other screamed as he tried to get the switch out but the guards tackled him and held him down. Xander came over to look and disarmed it. He sighed. "That's the main explosive, if there's a backup I don't know."

"Are you an officer?" one of the running police officers demanded.

"Watcher Xander Harris, head watcher in Africa for the slayers."

The officer blinked a few times. "Then you've probably seen bombs to use. What happened?"

"I saw these two walking and praying," Xander said with a point. "I didn't see any mall guards so I yelled that there was a fire to start the evacuation. I ran into the store," he said with a point. "And told the person at the register, who called them."

"Which explains the fire alarms going off," the officer agreed with a nod. "Thank you."

"Make sure they're the only ones?" Xander suggested to the guards. The were calling the other teams. Xander pointed. "I pulled that to disarm him. The other I shot because the guards aren't armed and he was finished with his prayers so he could push it."

The officer nodded. "Good work. Sit so we can get a full statement."

Xander sat down with a sigh, watching the mall be evacuated. He sent a text message that he was all right and everything was good so far. He winced when he heard a single explosion, standing up to look around. "Need my help searching for survivors?"

"He was trapped and alone," a guard called. Xander nodded, sitting down and taking a few deep breaths like he did after battles. The guard looked at the officer. "The first we knew someone was calling in that someone had yelled about a fire and then we got a notice of a suicide vest." He shrugged. "He handled it before we could."

"That's fine. He's used to threats if he's the man who backs up slayers." He looked at the one that had been shot. "He has good aim." He was calling his bosses to let them handle the bigger problems. The watcher got talked to by someone military, and they took the statement for him. Then suddenly his head lifted and he looked at the bodies. "What?" he called, backing off with the guards.

"I'm hearing a really high pitched whine." They got further away from the body before Xander could stand up and walk over to the bodies. He found it and winced, ripping it off the dead body. He held it up for the military guy to take it and got the other one disarmed. The living guy blinked and stared at him then started to seize.

"That's a control unit." They got him out of the way once he had gotten the vest off the living one. Xander took it to look over. "The NID idiots who infected my former town created it to use on demons. In vampires, they put the main chip into their brains to control how they feed." He opened it with his pocket knife then put the knife back. "That chip." He looked back then at them. "They were under control."

"Fuck," the military person said quietly.

"Yeah." Xander handed the closed one over. "I...I need to call someone." He walked off calling after taking a picture. "Waller, Xander. It's an emergency. I need to talk to the SHIELD doctor that came to ask about the temples." He got put on hold and the guy, or some guy, came back with him. "It's Watcher Xander Harris. I just found a control box like the NID created in Sunnydale with their idiotic, torturing program. We had them trying to bomb a mall."

He sent the picture over to Waller's phone. "I sent a picture of the open one. I got two of them disarmed. Should they look at the one that's living to find other things inserted?" The agent noted that they had barely anything on that and there was probably a link to the brain. Xander waved and the military guy came over. "This is the military guy in charge. Tell him what he's looking for. Putting a guy with a chip in his head into a machine could kill him."

The agent and someone female with him, went over what they could tell about the chip and the system. The officer asked a few questions and they agreed, it was mind controlling by the files they had access to. He reported that and the agent asked where and who they were aiming for. The military officer told them that and they promised to look into it. Xander hung up after getting a 'good job' and sighed, looking at the group again. "I need to go fuck shit up to find out why they have that thing. That whole thing was supposedly sanitized and destroyed." He took a deep breath, then yelped when someone grabbed his arm. He stared. "Don't grab me!"

"Sorry!" the guard said, backing up. "What do we know of this program?"

"I'll get someone who can see classified stuff into it so he can pass it out. They hate it when I mention the US army screwed up that way." The military officer gave him an odd look. Xander called someone. "I need the Initiative's files sent to my phone for a briefing, 'Drew. We just found that chip that was in Spike's head on someone who was trying to bomb a mall." He nodded. "Thanks. Yeah, that's good. They can ask Willow for the rest." He hung up and looked for the files, bringing them up. He let the military officer see. The regular officers looked pissed. "The US was trying to cover it up, guys. It's super classified and eyes only of our president." One winced. "They fucked up that bad, yeah. Killed thousands of demons by experimenting on them in horrifying ways."

The military officer nodded. "I would've shot them."

"If I had that option," Xander quipped dryly, staring at him. He called up one file that had finally finished loading. "On that chip." The military guy winced but nodded it was the same one. Xander ran a hand over his hair, looking around. "No agents?"

"On their way. Let me call my supervisors, Watcher Harris."

"Yup. I'm going to go pee. It's a good day to crap yourself so let me make sure I didn't." He walked off frowning and texting Andrew. Andrew created a place to securely download those files. By the time he got back two agents were trying to be menacing so he nudged one on the arm and handed him the phone with that announcement of the file location. "The files on that chip and the program that created it are there," he said quietly. "It's been super clammed up by the US government because the army was a shit problem." The agent snatched the phone to get into that file location to read them over. Then he groaned. Xander pointed. "That file's on the chip." He got into it and growled. Xander nodded. "Center of the box, yeah." He looked at them. "I'm just glad I spotted them."

"We are too," the other agent said, taking the phone to look at those things. "That's nasty."

"Nasty was they tortured the demons in ways that even horror fans are sickened by," Xander said. "They killed thousands by torture, and had fun doing it. As far as we know, the NSA and the NID sponsored them. They were sanitized when the team in Sunnydale shut it down, twice. Most of them are in Homeland Security or working for the UN on demon hunting teams. So no idea where they got that stuff from."

He took his phone back. "Our people made that drop file location. It should be good for today because we don't want to get into it with the US government for sharing it." They nodded, calling that in. It was all downloaded at the office and they found a link to what was going on. Xander grimaced. "Where's SHIELD? That's their shit," he muttered when he heard what was being called back.

"No clue," the first agent said with a grimace. "Any idea?"

"I know where to find one but they're in the US. I talked to one earlier to identify the box. Our State Department person got in touch with one. They should be here by now." He frowned, looking around. Then he called Waller back to update him. "It was the Initiative's shit. Andrew made the positive identification. No, none here, Waller. Yeah, that's a bad thing. Please. I did get them into the files on the chip and the overview of that program if someone bitches.

"Yeah, 'Drew made a single day's worth of file downloading. Please, if you hear from one. I'm pretty sure the locals would like to know too. Thanks, Waller." He hung up and sighed, looking at the agents. "I was here to get two new t-shirts and a pretzel for lunch." One smiled at him. "And I saw bulky chests and guys praying while walking." He rubbed his forehead. "At least it didn't come with a vision this time."

"Visions are bad?" the staring local officer asked.

"Visions come with a huge migraine," Xander said, looking at him. "It's like a movie preview in your head that only you can see, and it comes with a huge headache that nothing cures. Usually for days on end." The officer winced but nodded. "So this time I didn't have one. But damn."

The agents nodded, taking his information so he could go rest and report to his own higher ups. The guy looked stressed. This was much different than a portal opening and spilling out a group of demons.

***

Xander didn't even bother sneaking into the base. They had no guards. Someone was an idiot. He walked into the hidden SHIELD base that Fury was using and hit someone. "That's for not handling the HYDRA people that took Initiative bad ideas to use on humans! Why is it that *I* handled a terrorist yesterday and none of you showed up? Not even ten miles from here!" he shouted with a point. The agent backed up. "Damn, you're useless! Where the hell is Fury?"

"Out, sir," one reported, standing up straighter when Xander stared at him. "We don't know, sir. We did not hear anything about that!"

"They found the plot online! It was meant to draw agents there so they could break the local government's back! Are you that weak too?"

"Sir, we had no idea!" that one repeated.

"Who the fuck is in charge when Fury's off masturbating in a corner?"

"Um..." The two agents shared a look then looked toward the back area. "Let me get one," one said, running off.

Xander growled and followed, pulling the other agent with him. Yup, all lower agents who needed orders. Not a single higher up. "Fuck this shit! We're going to fix this problem, people!"

"We don't have orders, sir!" another agent complained.

"That's why *I* had to handle a terrorist action yesterday thanks to HYDRA brainwashing people. I'm pretty sure the local agents are mad about that. Don't you think HYDRA is your job, not theirs?" They nodded. "Then let's get on this, people! Now!" They ran to their desks to start looking it up. One of them groaned. Xander looked over. "Ya think?" he demanded.

"The one in the mall?"

"Yes! Was there another one?" Xander asked dryly.

"Planned but not carried out. Something set off the control device and they blew themselves up before they could be a danger," that agent said.

Xander growled. The agent ducked his head and got back to finding the HYDRA base to raid. The lower agents were clearly new, and weak, and dumb. So if he had to, he'd make them into someone who could handle problems so Xander didn't have to. Or anyone else. That was the purpose of SHIELD, not of watchers. He sighed and tapped his foot a few times. His arms got crossed over his chest.

Within twenty minutes they had the base located and Xander waved. "Let's go fix that problem. Alert the local agents that we're going to go visiting, without compromising the raid if they're listening." That got called in to a local contact and Xander made sure they all had guns, because two didn't think about grabbing one, and made them get into the van to go handle their own problems. They might be surveillance teams but they had to handle things sometimes when other agents weren't around.

When they got there, Xander got out first and the agents followed him. Xander grinned at the local agents, who were looking at him weirdly. "HYDRA is their job. Go with them, boys." He pointed. "They're local agents and have command." The local agents led in the SHIELD agents with Xander following behind. He got a few funny looks by the local agents but oh well. They could see why SHIELD had failed in their primary mission.

The newbies were learning what they needed to know about raiding a base. Xander found the armory and cooed as he petted something. "I'm confiscating a lot of this for upcoming battles." A local agent shot him a glare. "We have another ascended one coming up in six weeks. I need higher weapons. Not like your military gives me any." They nodded that was true so Xander got to claim the weapons with his dimensional storage device, which looked a lot like his spare eyepatch. When they ran into a few demons in holding Xander got one free and pointed. "Run. Go hide," he said gently. "Two of the others are summoned and evil, I'll get them back home." That demon limped off crying. "Let him go," he called. "He was a victim."

"We can make sure he gets to his own kind," a new agent coming in said.

Xander nodded. "He might appreciate that. Thanks. I need to send these ones home when we're clear." He looked at one, who shrugged. "Who summoned you again?"

"The agents here. They thought I'd give them gifts." He grinned. "They were tasty until they hit me with the lightening stick."

Xander nodded. "I can see that." He looked at the new agents. "The local guys took the SHIELD guys that way," he said with a point.

"Are you SHIELD, sir?" one asked.

"No, I'm Watcher Xander Harris. I had to help handle it in the mall and found out SHIELD didn't even think about HYDRA or leaving their cushy offices. They're a surveillance team." The lead agent winced. "So here they are, doing their jobs. If their higher ups want to bitch, let them come find me. I have a battle in three days, and one in six weeks. Which is why I claimed the armory."

"I'd hate to handle a demon emergency without higher weapons," one of the local ones said as he came back. "Thank you for making them handle their own problems."

Xander grinned and shot him in the head. "I hate skrulls." The now green body was on the floor. "See if they have others?" The new agents went to make sure. Xander looked at the demons, who all shrugged. Only two were really evil but even they didn't want involved in this. Xander got the two evil ones sent off first then the others before the agents came back. And one was still green. Xander stared at him. "Really?" It ran off.

The real agents came rushing back to stop them. Xander shook his head. "Aliens. Just as wacky as demons." The last demon being sent back laughed but waved a hand to expose all the skrulls. Xander grinned. "Thanks." He banished him and leaned against the bars. He sighed and let himself relax for a moment. The agents had it. Xander left, going back to his hotel to clean up and look over the weapons. He'd turn over anything that wasn't going to work.

He sent in a minimal report to Waller, who sent back 'I don't want to know and Rupert said good job on stopping it but he does not want to know either'. Xander grinned and made an official report that the local agents had handled the situation with HYDRA and he had confiscated weapons after sending back their demon hostages. Giles' answer back was 'I'm ignoring it until an agent asks'. So that was him covered unless someone got mad that he had led a unit of SHIELD agents.

Which meant he'd get to yell back about them not handling their own problems first.

***

Maria Hill, former second-in-command of SHIELD, got an alert from that hidden base that they had raided a HYDRA installation with the help of local agents. She asked for the report and they sent it. She read it slowly. Then a second time even more slowly. Then she tried a third time before calling her new director. She sent that over to him. "Does that say what I think it does?" she asked.

He read it, frowning. "It says they caught some agents that Fury was running sitting on their behinds watching news about things they should've stopped. I wonder who made them handle it." He looked at the screen. "Any idea? So I can go yell at that unit then talk to the local agent?"

She sent over the primary report. "I think a local agent. They're not named but local intelligence and military agents led the raid."

He read it, frowning as he rubbed his left eyebrow with his thumb. "I'll look into that. Maybe they're recruitable. They seem to have skills." He looked at the screen again. "Any other cheery news?"

"Where was Nick?"

"Amsterdam. He found a group of skrulls trying to take out EU politicians." He grimaced.

"Oh, great." She grimaced back. "Tell me if they're recruitable in any manner. I can probably find them a job if you can't."

"Of course. Have a better day." He hung up and took the report to his intelligence people. "Daisy, who did this?" he asked, handing over the report.

She looked then smiled up at him. She pulled up the interior video from that base. They all got to see what had happened. And who had done it. She grinned at him. "He seems to know what he was doing since he's the guy who called in about the box and helped stop the controlled ones."

Phil Coulson stared. "He's a kid without military or agent training. How did he do that?"

"He deals with weird, bad things all the time that're scarier than us?" she guessed. "If you can lead a field battle against a demon plane, you can probably bully agents into doing their jobs. They all looked like they were terrified he'd beat them all to death."

He nodded slowly. "I'm guessing that may be. Get a full report from them for me please?" He walked off considering that. He called Hill back once he had the video wrapped up to send her. "Here, from the internal video of that base." He hung up before she had unzipped and unlocked it. He knew she was going to be ranting for *hours*. He didn't need the headache from it, he had plenty from running SHIELD.

Maria Hill watched the video and seethed. Those agents were going to die by her hand on an archaic weapon. They really were. She called a few agents to the meeting room and sent the video up there. Stark was already up there, looking casually tense. Barton was sitting in the corner. Romanoff was in the other corner on the other side of the window in the room. Rogers walked in. "That incident at the mall in Sierra Leone was found to be HYDRA." They all stared at her, Rogers sitting down across from Stark. She put up video from the incident. "Anyone there look familiar?"

"The one that Harris shot was an agent from DC," Natasha said. "From records if I remember right." Hill stared at her then checked and nodded.

"Why?" Barton asked. "I heard that Harris called in about a box from that program their team ended. Something about a control chip."

"The local report states that," she agreed. Then she sighed and put up the other video. She got out of the way. "Apparently the hidden team down there was watching it on tv." At the end Stark was growling. Rogers was nodding slowly. "Apparently we had failed massively." She let the raid video that came in be seen by them all. "At least he turned it over to local agents and military staff but none of us are pleased. Only one agent was trying to look Harris up to see if he had any authority."

"Where was Fury?" Natasha asked.

"Amsterdam tracking down skrulls."

"They were newly hired, right?" Stark demanded dryly.

"Apparently," she agreed. "If we can find more on this, we can stop them. And stop Harris from having to handle it for us and making us look shitty."

"He had a good hand," Rogers admitted, leaning back in his seat. "I probably would've sworn more at the slackers."

Hill nodded. "I was thinking painful archaic weapons. Possibly a club." Barton grinned at her. "They're Fury's hidden team, and yes, they're probably new." He smirked and nodded. "Can you get him to give us a report?"

"I can call him. I know he's got a problem in a few weeks though. That's probably why he claimed the armory."

"I don't care about him having weapons at the moment. It's not like he's going to use them on civilian targets. Even if he does find more skrulls." Barton grinned again. Romanoff was sighing in displeasure. "Find the rest of them and make sure it's handled if the SHIELD team doesn't. Find that control system and stomp it into the dust, Stark."

"Get me the info on it?"

She nodded, sending that request over. It got sent back with the site that held the download. She let him have those. He growled at it. "I heard very little about that project beyond it was heinous."

"Putting it mildly," Stark said, handing her the tablet with a file pulled up. She watched it and had to hold down the dry heave. He took the tablet back. "That chip," he said, scanning that information and the schematics that was sent over from the one used. "Yeah, we can jam it but there's an implanted part and it seems to cause seizures in at least half of those found. They've found three and one nearly died of his, one had a few, and one didn't have any."

"Good. We can handle seizures," she ordered. She looked at Rogers, who was grimacing. "Problems with that?"

"I'd like to see what my army had done." Stark shoved over the tablet with that video pulled back up. Steve watched it and slowly his jaw clenched until you could hear his teeth grinding. "I see," he said finally, handing the tablet back. "Are they in jail?"

Hill shook her head. "No. Not all of them. There was a trial."

"Homeland," Romanoff told him. "UN demon hunting teams for problematic events. Though they will not back up Harris."

"He helped take them down," Barton said. "They knew they were wrong when they did it. They'd probably cause more problems." He and Natasha shared a look then he looked at Hill. "Can we handle them too?" he asked with a grin. "They don't need to be out wandering around."

"No, they don't," Steve agreed. "Can we get the rest of the records from them?"

"They're supposedly sealed," Hill said. "After the inquest it became eyes-only. It figures that they saved down all the information they could in case they ran into them restarting."

"In other words, ask the Council," Stark said. "They probably have some hidden in a closet."

Steve nodded. "I can do that. Is he going to get into trouble for that?"

"Could be," Hill admitted. "But we can mitigate some of it." Stark smirked at her and sent that full file to Pepper so she could help them handle it. She did media things so much better than they all did combined. Hill smirked at him. "Nice."

"Thanks."

"I'll try to head off any problems. Including from Nick Fury." She went to call her contacts to get the pressure off Harris. Not like he had signed anything saying he agreed to keep that secret. He wasn't an agent. The only one that might complain was Nick Fury but government people hated the Council. So when someone tried to say something, because someone in the higher ups of the administration heard about that raid, the Council released all the records on it to show where they had gotten that control box from. Including the videos of them inserting them into living victims, who mostly died from it. Even Fox News wouldn't run that full film and quit complaining about the raid being done by non-agents.

By that night, only the president and Nick Fury were complaining about that but the president got told to shut up by someone. Apparently he got reminded those sort of things weren't picked up on security checks with the way he ordered security people to check people for little boxes. Nick Fury....well, he was complaining so much someone handed him a cat to pet. The demon who had done it ran off before Fury could shoot it for that.

***

Phil Coulson made it to Africa. He had to talk to his former boss, and punch him in the nose a few times. He had to talk to Harris about things, and make him calm down. He nodded at the guard at the airport who was staring at him. It was clearly a partial demon. He paused beside him. "I'm sure you think I'm here to cause trouble. I'm not," he said quietly. "Though if you can find him I'd like to speak to Harris."

"You're in the wrong country for another week," the demon said with a slow nod. "And he'll probably be injured."

"That's fine, I can talk to him after that battle. Thank you for passing on that message for me." He grabbed his single bag he had been forced to check and went out to get a rental car, finding one waiting on him. Oh, yes, Nick Fury was getting a foot up his ass since it was an SUV instead of something sensible. He found Fury at the little tea shop, which an ad for had been left on his seat. He parked, got out, and went to sit across from his former boss. "This being in public will not save you from me hitting you, Nick."

Nick Fury glared at him. "You're doing fine."

"Doesn't mean I won't hit you," he assured him, adjusting his shirt. "Why weren't you aware of that HYDRA unit?"

"They were mostly hidden. I didn't have an agent to do much with the internet. I've fixed that since I had that jackass take over on me."

"He did the right thing," Coulson said. "We all agreed it was the right thing and he handed it over to people who should have been handling it when they got there." He stared at him. "He's been busy taking down skrull problems too I've heard." Fury nodded, drinking some coffee. "Good. It's good someone is." Fury glared again. Phil stared back. "Maria said hello as well."

"I talked to her last night until she started to nag."

"Hmm. Perhaps some is in order, Nick. You're acting like you're disjointed and unsure of your purpose."

"I know what I need to do."

"Yes, but is that good for SHIELD?"

Nick rolled his eye and drained his cup, putting it on the saucer. "Yes, it is."

"Fine. Then we have to break the back of this current plot line. They can't be allowed to keep those control systems."

"I've been trying. We got a good many and files on who they wanted to infect. So far we haven't found any others."

"Angola found two in their people yesterday." He handed over that file. Fury huffed but nodded. "Stark figured out how to jam them. Just in case we run into more of them. We've also convinced the president, again, that he didn't want to put Harris in charge of SHIELD." Fury shuddered. "Exactly." He smiled a tiny bit. "He did it very well though."

"I would've punched someone," Fury complained. Coulson gave him his most smug look. "I heard he's got a problem coming up."

"I asked a demon watching the airport to please set up a meeting for me with him afterward. Do I need to go train your new agents?"

"No, I stepped in and taught them better. Including to ask for identity papers on anyone trying to take charge." He stared at him. "I saw the internal films."

"I had it hacked. He did good. Your agents....we've fallen down the well that the FBI hasn't even found yet apparently."

"I'll have them trained better soon."

"Please do. The local agents?"

"Helped a lot and fixed all their problems during that raid. Harris took the weapons."

"Good. He's got another ascension coming up soon." Fury shuddered again. "Hopefully this time he'll be able to handle it easier than baiting and an hour of chopping off the head." He sipped his own coffee. "We need to know where your teams are going with things. That way I don't have to cross into their works."

"Agreed," he said, handing over a small notebook. Phil read it, nodding some, and then burned it in the ashtray on the table. "We can figure out how to handle the skrull invasion soon enough."

"Hellhounds and partial mixes with them can apparently tell them. Perhaps a K-9 unit?"

"Could help," he agreed, relaxing again. "How's your end of SHIELD?"

"Annoyed. The president tried to create new duties for us." He grimaced for a second then let it clear up. He looked at the demon staring at them. "Yes?" he asked.

"The knight said you'd have to travel to him. He's got to rescue one of his girls from someone before the battle, handle the battle, then head off to yell at her family probably right afterward if they're not both in the hospital." Phil Coulson nodded. "He should be by the second battle soon though."

"I can do that. How do people usually get hold of him?"

"The watcher in the embassy. Where Fred's daughter works."

"I can look that up. Thank you for passing on that message. Should I tip you?"

"No, you don't have a cat." He smirked as he wandered off into the foot traffic on the sidewalk.

"Interesting. Which embassy?" Nick Fury looked confused and shook his head. "Fine." He pulled out his phone to send someone a message. He got one back. "I can go to Under Ambassador Waller instead," he agreed. He put his phone back into his pocket and sipped the rest of his coffee. "You know, Harris has been fighting the idea that he'd like to be in charge of us. He did also suggest someone a bit more usual in the heroic sense. I'm told Mr. Wilson had a fit when he was told so he was warned that the president was looking his way."

"Wilson? Sam?" Fury asked.

"Wade." He put down his cup and some money then got up to walk off.

"Wade? Deadpool?" he demanded. Phil smirked a tiny bit as he got into the SUV to drive off. "Oh, god, SHIELD is going to fall again," he moaned, rubbing his forehead. Even Harris would be better than that.

***

Phil Coulson was let into the Under Secretary's office, nodding at his secretary. He shook the man's hand. "Watcher Waller, thank you for agreeing to see me today."

He stared at the younger man for a minute. "What has Harris done this time?" he asked, sitting back down.

"Nothing yet. I'm going to get information from him in the next few days hopefully. Once he's done rescuing one of your girls and fighting a hopefully short battle." He sat himself down, unbuttoning his jacket. "We at SHIELD had some questions. Nothing too classified of course." Waller nodded at that. "Is the girl he's rescuing all right and do we have needs to help get the girls to the US or some other safe country?"

"We have a few who have, and got complained at. Frankly, we let the coven handle that usually. It's just simpler. Much less paperwork."

Coulson smiled slightly and nodded. "That's reasonable and I'm not with Immigration so I don't personally care as long as the girls are healthy, happy, and able to grow up mostly normal."

"It is what Harris has planned."

"Good. I'm glad he sees more sense than a few of the older ones in Cleveland who got arrested the other day by CPS workers."

"I heard and Rupert did have a bloody fit," he said dryly, leaning back in his chair. This one was not the uptight agent sort he was used to from the State Department, but an agent who at least could pretend to care so he wasn't blunt or political. "We do need more people but we don't prefer former agents as sometimes their allegiances are questionable."

"I was going to talk to Harris about vetting some who wanted to help the girls with their battles and the like. I'm told he has the most capable radar of idiocy that you all have."

"He does, yes. They tend to want to date him," Waller said dryly, smirking some. "That may be quite helpful though. I'll send a note back to Rupert tonight about it so he can warn Xander that you're looking for him."

"Please. I've sent a request through the demon network but they said it'll be a few weeks after that upcoming battle." He shifted his jacket some. "We've intercepted information from a few other agencies that you're blatantly ignoring a slayer important archeological site?"

"I have no idea about that."

"Something about a cave? They were planning on sending someone who wasn't called to duty because of her age."

"I...." He picked up his cellphone to text Xander. Who sent back the file on it. He scanned it and winced. "No, doing so might end the whole slayer line apparently. There's warnings on the walls to not let any later slayers enter the cave." He looked up. "If I may ask, who?"

"My people have intercepted two different plans. One by the FBI, the other by some of your research teams." Waller winced and sent a warning to Rupert, who promised he'd have them recalled to the main building and that he'd talk to Xander about it. Coulson smiled slightly again at that. "If they can't stop them, how can we at SHIELD help you protect the girls?"

"If what's written is true, then it's possible it'll kill all the marked slayers." He put his phone down. "Rupert will be having words with someone. I might like to destroy it but I have no idea how bad it'll be to do so. I'll definitely ask the boy later."

"I had the same agent hack the files on that report, before she told me it was a plot, and the information on it was a bit skimpy. Clearly Watcher Harris isn't an archeo person. I have one that had that as their minor and they drooled and moaned at the file when that agent showed them before she showed me."

Waller smiled at him. "I know that sort of infrastructure problem. We seem to have the same one."

"Which may be why the US president wanted to put your watcher in charge of my agency. We've all discouraged it, especially Mr. Harris, but the man is focused on it. My profilers think that he'd never take it unless it would protect your girls."

"That sounds like something the boy would do," he agreed, frowning some. "Does he know that?"

"Yes and he's tried to divert it a few times, including naming someone else who has more experience in the way SHIELD used to work." He grimaced. "That one went on a drinking binge and had to be chained down for a few days until he calmed down. He's done good getting the attention off himself, and we're all thankful for that, but we do need to work with him on things. We know he's done good work down here.

"We do like how he's had to handle things for the most part. Including telling people about that classified control chip so we can stop it for them. And if I find more of those soldiers I'm going to put them into a real jail. The President was...amused until we pointed out what that meant and how it happened. Then he agreed they need to be retired."

"From what little I know of it, it's best if they were under the jail."

"We fully agree with that," Coulson said with a nod. "Most of my people would adore doing that job." He shifted to cross his feet again. "We did want to talk to him about how he found that one base so he could berate and fix our shoddy new agent team after that incident in the mall."

Waller held up a hand. "Rupert and I have both agreed that we do not care to know about that incident unless it becomes a political nightmare."

"No, I don't believe it should be. The actual head of that unit threw a fit but that was his own fault for not leaving someone decent in charge when he went on assignment. Your watcher handled himself well. He ceded the lead when appropriate agents did show up. He did a good job. We're mostly not mad at that at all but we were wondering how he found that base."

Waller asked that via text message and got one back that made him snort with amusement. "He said the poker circuit in the area told him." He smirked at the agent across from him. "They were most helpful."

"I'm sure they were. They seem to be in the areas they congregate and have hunters nearby. Do you think he could hook one of my people, or myself, into the circuit?"

"You'd have to learn to play kitten poker," Waller said with a slight shrug. "I know Xander does play very well for information and occasionally weapons."

"That is something a few have wondered about but frankly, as long as they're not used on humans, it's not my job. That's the job of the ATF."

Waller nodded. "That's reasonable. I know the circuit locally won't usually let someone non-associated with the demonic community join."

"I have a few agents who're partial demons. They're some of my most trustworthy people. I'll have to ask them if they feel comfortable joining." He looked behind him at the door when someone yelped. "Door accident?"

"Probably her brother. He's shown up a few times to nag her since her father showed up to nag her about her clothing choices." The next yelp was more male sounding but then someone started to swear. "That may be a problem." He got up and Coulson followed, hand near his gun. "People, we're being loud," he noted. He saw the problem right away. "Is that why you yelped?" he asked his secretary. She nodded. "No emergency button?"

"Not near it, sir."

"Hmm. Boy, I'm Watchers Council. Watch me call something here to eat you."

"You can't do that," the thug with the gun sneered. And then Fred, the secretary's dad, showed up to grab him through a window so they could talk. "What the hell!" he screamed.

"Daddy, he didn't hurt anyone but one of the guards," she called out the window. "But thank you!" She went to check on the guard. "Just knocked out, Undersecretary Waller."

"Thank you. Get him an ambulance of course. Make the appropriate reports as well and let me know how I can thank your father for that bit of saving." He went back to his office, frowning some as he texted Xander, who said he'd thank Fred too. "Well, that was exciting," he stated as he sat back down.

Coulson looked out there then at him. "I can pass information or a report back to the State Department if you need me to."

"I can do that. It'll save us sending it by courier. It's not common but the next country does have a few issues that're starting to leak over."

Coulson nodded. "We can gladly send on a report for you. What would Harris have done?"

"Probably used a demon gas snot grenade to knock him out, then tied him up in a closet until someone came looking for him." He grimaced. "He's done it a few times in other stressful situations."

"I would like to look at anything like that. It could be quite handy in the field or against the Skrulls that we've had to handle recently."

"We at the Council would *adore* Harris not dealing with aliens. It's giving the girls odd ideas about their duties."

Coulson smiled. "My lower agents as well but someone had to handle it and we weren't told. Now that we know, we're most interested in taking that duty from him as well."

Waller smiled. "I think we can agree it'd be a better idea for your people to do it than ours. I'll have him hand over all his information when you two meet after that battle?"

"That would be reasonable. Thank you." He stood up and shook his hand. "The other files on that vile little group?"

"That was a Sunnydale issue. You'd have to talk to one of them yourself. I have no idea if they saved down anything or not."

"We can do that. We're meeting with Harris anyway. Thank you for your time." He handed over his card. "Email me that report later and I'll have it walked over."

"Thank you, Director Coulson." Phil nodded and left, going to the nearest safehouse to call in. The report showed up an hour later so he sent it to an agent in DC to walk over.

***

In Washington, DC, Natasha Romanoff had lost the card game so she was handing over a report. She went to the State Department, getting a few horrified looks. "I have a report from an incident at a US embassy in Africa," she told the receptionist. "There was nearly an attack but it was handled by one of ours." She called that to someone and an agent came to get her. She got through the security station and she went up with them.

"One of ours was talking with one of yours in an African embassy when a problem showed up to threaten them. I'm handing on the report for them." The agent nodded, taking her to his supervisor, who was about fifth in charge of the local office and a hiding HYDRA agent. She stared at him until he tipped his head slightly to acknowledge she knew about him but he was so far down the list because he wasn't doing anything noticeably wrong yet. "Report from an African embassy that nearly got shot up?" He winced but took the report to read then nodded. "You'll pass it up for the director?"

"I can do that." He stared at her. "Why did you have to bring it?"

"I was closest." She stared at him. "Our director was there to talk about some needed information. Thankfully someone's father was hanging around and she was at least partially demonic. The demon apparently paid off a poker debt with the one who he captured."

"That's freaky stuff we don't like to admit exist, Agent Romanoff." She smiled and tipped her head slightly. "But I'll send this up so others can have heartburn. Which embassy?"

"Undersecretary Waller is in charge."

"Oh, I've heard about him. Thank you for the delivery." She nodded and left. She clearly needed to look up that watcher down there in case she had to run into him during a problem. He took it upstairs to the director's office, letting him have it and the bottle of tums on his desk together. Then the hiding agent went back to his office to report to his other bosses. They were amused at that incident and weren't going to do more than celebrate the staff handling it themselves.

The Secretary of State read the report while chewing a tums. "Well, that's weird but interesting." He called Waller to talk to him about what had happened. What he got made him amused but happy they had handled it themselves. He agreed they could reward that one demon for his help. He wouldn't remark on having a partial demon on staff since she seemed so helpful but he would be checking her security clearance just in case.

***

Director Coulson fired off the large weapon he had grabbed from the safe house's armory when the battle tried to get near it. The demon stared at him, making him suddenly fear for his life. He had never felt that afraid in his life and he had seen some almighty evil beings in his career. "Must be a demonic power," he decided and fired off the weapon again. The demon worm reared back and screamed.

"Hey, you can talk," Harris quipped then fired off his own. "Hit behind the blue band!" he yelled. "That's the head before it! It has to come off!"

"Got it," he called back and fired. Then there was a sorcerer standing next to him and huffing before firing a spell at the demon worm. "Blue band, Sorcerer."

"I can do such," he agreed and called up more power to try to immobilize the head for a few minutes. Harris hit the neck again and it mostly severed. Coulson's weapon took it the rest of the way off. The 'helping' military cheered and came to make sure the head was off and it was burned for them. He let his magic go, staring at the man next to him. "Watcher?"

"Director Coulson of SHIELD," he said, holding out a hand with a tiny smirk.

"Sorcerer Supreme Strange," he said back, shaking the hand. Xander stretched with a wince as he limped over. "You should probably get some medical attention, Watcher."

"I'm Xander, Sorcerer, and yeah, I'll get some later when I do my stitches. They hate that I got exposed to demon blood way back when." He winced as he moved his arms. He looked at the other guy. "Three beings texted me that you wanted a meeting. Why?"

"A few reasons. We'd like to finish handling the skrull threat for you. We have a few former agents who'd like to become watchers. We need the rest of the information on the Initiative to send them to real jail."

"Please do, because I hate that I keep running into them. We don't really trust agents because of their former vows to your kind getting in the way, and let the girls kidnap them first a few times before battles to make sure they can handle it. Ask Willow," he answered with a smirk.

"I've had an agent go ask her, and they have gotten a lot of information from her closets. Apparently Miss Rosenburg said that now she could store her shoes on the floor again." Xander grinned and nodded then winced and held his neck. "The few that get ...kidnaped the night before a large battle? Two of them are in that group and I can volunteer the rest to make sure they have the right responses down. I know you're down on hiring due to the subject matter you deal with and I know you're equally adamant not to hire anyone who wouldn't be good to the girls." Xander nodded, still rubbing his neck. "When SHIELD fell, the skrull threat got pushed onto the FBI's back and they snorted about aliens."

"So did I until one showed up before a battle and stunk like soured Axe body spray. Then I had to shoot him and go find the person he had taken the place of. I hated rescuing politicians." He frowned.

Coulson smiled. "So do we, Mr. Harris. Also, thank you for turning down the president's ideas."

"I don't know what sort of funky drugs he took when he was battling his version of Vietnam by not getting VD from the models he was molesting, but it's clear they did bad things to his brain. I'm not agent material." He put his arm down, moaning a bit when his shoulder ached and popped. "Sorry, time for a hot shower."

Strange pulled him closer to look at his shoulder and neck. "You're out of alignment and have pulled muscles."

"I figured I did. I slept in my truck last night." He grimaced. "Kinda necessary. The inn didn't want me here because the former demon worm bribed them. But thanks." He grinned slightly. Willow suddenly appeared and blinked, staring at the mess. "Weapons good," he called. "It's handled, Willow."

She made a squeaky noise and pointed. "How?" she squeaked.

Xander picked up his weapon to show her with a grin. "I rescued this poor baby from HYDRA." She moaned and slumped. "This one does look different than the others we've seen." She stomped over to take pictures of it with her phone. He looked at the sorcerer. "Hide," he mouthed. "Before she spots you and realizes you're you."

"We've met," he admitted sarcastically. "She is most unusual when I compare her against the other magic users I know."

Xander suddenly turned. "Willow, that's Nairobi's hellmouth!" he bellowed. "Leave it alone! It's got people around it and it opens easily as an immigration point! Don't you dare make us have a battle after the last one!" Xander was fumbling with his phone. Coulson took it to text to any number that had Nairobi after it. Xander nodded his thanks. "Willow, I mean it!" She glared and waved at him. He braced himself for the wash of magic. Strange hit her back and she fled. Xander relaxed, holding his stomach with his free hand. "I have no idea but sometimes I want to spank."

Strange patted him on the back. "Go get proper medical attention, Harris. Let me spank her. It's part of my duty after all." He waved and created a portal, heading after the rogue witch.

Coulson helped the boy over to the medics waiting and staring. "The sorcerer that showed up to help said he's got a sprained shoulder, his neck and shoulders are out of alignment, and then Rosenburg sent magic at him that made his stomach ache." He looked at Harris. "We can talk over dinner at the safehouse later, Harris." He left to clean up and make his own report. His people were going to freak out. May would probably even screech at him for being in that battle.

They nodded, taking him to check over. They were very delicate with him and made sure they didn't come in contact with any of his blood.

***

The present AI at the avengers compound cleared her throat. "Sir?"

"Yeah, FRIDAY?" Tony Stark asked while he worked on a new design of a shield. The news report came up on a virtual screen. He stared, frowning at it. "That's...Coulson," he said. "Huh. And a really nasty looking demon. Show the others?"

"I will. I was not sure of the others' reception, sir."

"It should be fine. If they throw a fit at him, he probably deserves it."

"Yes, sir." The AI cleared her throat in the living room where most everyone was talking about something, putting up the news broadcast on a bigger screen.

Clint Barton stared then burst out laughing. "Yeah, that's good."

Natasha looked at him. "Why was he even over there?"

"That's near a safe house," he told her. "I had to rest a sprained ankle there for a few nights." They were all watching as the sorcerer got there. Then Rosenburg. Who then got driven off after trying to magic the watcher guy and others. "Oh, well," he sighed, still smiling. "Someone will have a talk with her I'm sure."

"Some communities are thinking all redheads with powers are a problem, or so she told Wanda," Pietro said, leaning back to watch the battle replay. "They were making resolutions to end any redhead with powers."

Natasha looked at him. "Thankfully I do not have magic."

He grinned at her. "Are you certain?"

"I never have in the past," she admitted then smirked at Clint.

"With the way you get out of being tied up, are you certain, Nat?" he quipped with a grin for her. "We'd hate for you to turn into Rosenburg."

"I have more style than a fluffy, cutesy, glittery sweater," she said dryly, scowling at him. He just grinned more brightly. "Do your children?"

"Fuck no. Laura said even if they do, they're going to be doing the right things the right way with training. Not like Rosenburg."

"I hope she manages it. I looked up her parents. Those books that one SHIELD therapist used to tout before someone beat him with them for their wrong-minded ideas? That's her parents."

Clint raised an eyebrow. "Well, that explains a lot," he shot back then shook his head quickly.

The AI changed the news broadcast. A demon ran into the medical tent but Harris came out with it pulling on his arm and pointing. He looked, borrowing some binoculars from a soldier's jeep. Then he swore and started to yell orders about the thing coming in following a goddess, who was fleeing it. "That has to be really bad," Clint said, frowning as he watched. Coulson wasn't that far away so he showed up to help protect the goddess. The demon trying to eat her sneered she was his because he was going to conquer her. And no mere, puny human could handle his might.

So Xander pulled out his favorite axe and lunged at the demon, making it laugh. Until Xander cut it then sneered and spit on it. Then the battle was on. A few of the soldiers stepped in with machetes but Xander was clearly using a blessed weapon. Then Thor landed and hit the demon, which made him stumble but not do more than whine. Xander shouted something and Thor nodded. Xander hit him while Thor distracted him with some lightening from another blow. Xander got shoved out of the way with a 'let the gods handle this, puny human,' and attacked Thor. Xander got up holding his side but got the demon's spine from behind while he was busy. The demon screamed and flailed, knocking Thor down, but he did die at Thor's next blow.

Thor looked at the human. "You do good for a Midgardian, boy."

Xander smirked at him. "I know who you are, Thor," he said in Norse. Thor blinked a few times, looking surprised. "I dated a woman from your people." He bowed a tiny bit, trying to hide the wince. "Thank you for your help. Goddess D'nar, are you all right?" he called.

"I...I couldn't take him out. I'm a fertility goddess, I don't have any warriors or a blessed weapon right now." She came over to hug Xander. "Oh, dear. You're magic poisoned and injured, dear. Thank you, Xander." She nuzzled his cheek. "People, he needs medical attention. He's magic poisoned and his insides are bleeding!" Medics came rushing over to gather him to take back to the medical tent. She sighed, looking at Thor. "Thank you for saving my honor, Lord Thor."

He smiled. "You're most welcome, Lady D'Nar. Are you down here now?" She nodded. "I wish your garden much prettiness and you much peace."

"Thank you, Lord Thor." She bowed and looked at the other human. "You are most brave. Like Xander is. We appreciate such services. Let me know if I can help you in some way, human." She disappeared with a sigh.

Thor looked at him. "How?"

"Fury. The mists and other less nice things."

Thor blinked a few times. "That's nasty and wrong by all natural laws."

"Not my choice." He put his hands in his pockets. "How are you, Thor? And Jane?"

"We have parted ways," he admitted but he was smiling. "She is more happy among the stars than with me by her side."

He nodded. "Scientists can be that way. I'm sorry to hear about your breakup though."

"I still talk to Lady Darcy muchly, Son of Coul. Yourself?"

"No, I haven't seen her in years. I got put in control and I don't have time."

"Time is short for your people. You should make more use of it. You look tired." Coulson nodded at that. "Let me see if that human needs help. He was quite a warrior."

"He's the watcher over the girls down here. He's one of the reasons things changed so they were better for the girls."

Thor nodded. "I have heard much of the battle maidens and how they now have support and battle help. I like it much more than what it had been."

Coulson nodded. "I know some agents who want to help the girls by doing the same job." He looked around then at him. "They may need lessons in how to use a sword though." Thor smirked at him. "The others are at the new campus."

"I shall go there. You should go be safer. Before others spot you. I can see cameras."

"This was the second battle, Thor. I doubt that hasn't already happened." Then he sighed. "You go be safe and tell people I said hi." He shook his hand and walked off. One of the generals stopped him to ask him something quietly so Phil handed over a business card, getting a moan from the general. Phil nodded but got let go so he could go rest after the battles.

Thor shook his head. "Things are very weird. Almost like those shows that have operas of soap that Lady Darcy showed me. Even worse than the Asgardian court was before." He flew off.

The general looked at the cameras and had people drive off the reporters. He didn't need more of this today and hopefully there wouldn't be a third battle. His people could burn that one body, but leave the head so they could have it mounted for later generations to learn from. Then he went to nag the boy about being so injured. Someone had to remind him that you had to use bigger weapons than a battle axe apparently.

Clint shook his head, looking at Natasha. "I'm wondering how he knew whatever language that was and what he said that made Thor look amused that way."

"It sounded something like Swedish," Pietro offered. "I want to know how he uses a battle axe that way."

"Not why?" Natasha asked him.

"No. I figured it was the only thing that would work." He frowned.

"If we run into him you can ask," Sam Wilson said from his seat. Steve, sitting next to him, nodded at that. "I've met the boy and he's kinda deeper than I thought but also sarcastic and still fairly tired sounding. Like he could really use a vacation."

"He doesn't get any," Clint agreed. "He went down there to grieve an ex girlfriend and ended up handling things." He shrugged. Sam nodded he understood that. "The demon poker circuit was very amused by him too."

"You played in their poker circuit?" Natasha asked, frowning at him.

"I was playing in the circuit up here way back when. Apparently Harris heard about me when he joined out in Sunnydale." She looked so confused. "He even recommended me to a local guy who is in the circuit and handles therapy for people like us who can't go to a regular one."

"Who?" Sam asked.

"Abel Corrisander."

"I've heard about him. He's been there and done that and can talk down people who've been doing it too long too." He nodded a bit. "He sounds like he's good at it too."

"That's what Xander said too when I met him before a wedding he was guarding."

"Guarding?" Steve asked.

"Yeah. Humans decided it was evil of them to marry in their own church." Steve grimaced. "He stopped the few guys going to attack but let the local PD handle them after he stopped them. Xander's apparently the guy that will stand in front of a problem and dare it to try him. He did then. Made a Game of Thrones quip too."

"Summers is said to do the same thing during battles. They probably learned it off each other," Natasha said. "How did he know about you?"

He stared at her then grinned suddenly. "Remember those comic books?" She shuddered. "Yeah. Apparently I was the one he looked up to." He shrugged but stayed smiling. "I can appreciate that in the guy who handles things so we don't have to."

Pietro nodded. "I would've shit myself during that battle," he said dryly. "I am not meant for that sort of battle."

"If we run into one again we'll let you figure it out," Clint said, staring at him. "There's always using your speed to evacuate people who're injured during it."

"True, and I can see using it that way. Or using it to sneak up and sabotage something. I can't see me with a sword in front of a huge field of demons."

Clint nodded. "I'd want higher weapons too. Hey, FRIDAY?" he called. "Do we have more footage from his other battles?"

"Let me check what has been shown," the AI said. "Sir has hacked a few. SHIELD has a few as well." She put them up so they could watch them. Including the one from the cemetery that made Steve huff.

Pietro was frowning at the end. "He's nuts."

"Yup," Clint said with a nod. "Heroically nuts."

"He reminds me of some agents we used to work with. And Coulson," Natasha said quietly. "The world will miss him when people don't back him up when he asks some day soon."

"Shouldn't we have been called in on some of those?" Steve asked.

"Were you reachable?" Sam asked him.

"Um, well.... Tony could've."

"Why weren't SHIELD agents there?" Natasha countered. "That's our sort of job yet not even the splinter groups showed up. Or the UN hunting teams. Or more of the regional military?"

"People like to ignore weird things," Clint reminded her. "That's why we get ignored in the most obvious ways."

"True. If we were closer we could fall in for those."

Sam Wilson cleared his throat. "I've talked to a few people. When the girls over here are about to have a huge battle, they have some agents they basically kidnap the night before so they can tell their people how to jump in. Because the higher ups in those agencies don't like to hear about battles. Their bosses all know when a young woman shows up to kidnap him for the night they're about to have a battle nearby. The guys apparently do big brother nagging that night while gathering intel on what's going to happen."

"Any in SHIELD?" Clint asked. Sam shook his head. "That'll change." He found a number in his phone. "Hey, lady," he said when the lady answered. "When the slayers need to kidnap an agent to get help for a battle, can you start jumping in so they can warn us too? We'd like to help, Bobbi. No one tells us so we have to hear on the news. Apparently the girls kidnap a few agents to let them know what's going to happen the night before. Yeah, please do, and let us know too please?

"Oh, I saw. No, was just on the news, Bobbi. Two battles back-to-back. Yeah, there." He shifted to cross his feet. "Thanks. Yeah, we'd love to know so we can help. Battles like that are our job, and we want to back up the girls but no one tells us. Thanks." He hung up. "She'll go tell a slayer who to kidnap among former SHIELD agents so we'll start hearing." She nodded at that. "Though she did say she wanted to volunteer to take the training to help the girls. No one's letting anyone do that right now."

"Because agents can be pulled back by their agencies," Sam agreed. "And some have been used to try to capture a few younger slayers." Clint grimaced but nodded at that.

"HYDRA would want one?" Pietro asked.

"No. They know it's mystical that gets them gifted," Clint said. "I asked a contact and he said that they knew about one earlier, and HYDRA does not want the girls to lose a battle so therefore they are not going to interfere. Harris they hate like hell for handling things but they don't want him to lose a battle either."

"I've heard rumors that they have a specific unit to train for those incidences," Pietro told them. "Specifically to take over for the girls when they loose too many." They all stared at him. He gave a one-sided shrug and grinned. "I have no idea if they have learned sword work or not. Or how to use an axe like that one's. I know the unit is small but even a few could help sometimes."

"Slayer battle orders say that anyone can jump in and help but should not bother the girls or try to take control of them unless it's field command orders to move them around," Sam said. "I asked a few of the agents that get to jump in. They don't care who jumps in but they are not to upset the girls or try to take them. A few have tried to take control battle control and the girls basically tripped him and walked over him to handle it because he was being a *man* and annoying them according to the girls."

Natasha nodded once, looking at Clint.

"No, I'd never take control on the girls. Give field orders that something was coming, a few to branch off to take a side instead of a frontal assault, something like that, but they're not under my command. Do they have battle experienced people?" Sam pointed at the tv. "Seriously?"

"Their agent in the armory has some limited training but no. Most of the agents with real battle experience have been problematic so they don't let agents hire on. That and they hate the army." Sam shifted to cross his feet. "The Australian girls get help forced on them by a military unit that backs that house up. They act like really strict big brothers who will beat up on boys that're disrespectful but will tease the girls about their hairstyles. Harris apparently just rolls his eyes and tells the girls to knock them down and sit on them if they get too annoying."

"The girls in Germany are not really supported by locals but anytime they have to handle a bigger situation than patrols or a small bit of vampires someone from Interpol shows up to watch their backs and do the paperwork," Natasha said. "I'd assume the ones in France and England get about the same."

Clint smirked, shaking his head. "Nope. England's girls, all the UK girls, have an agent in the house that acts like a house mom. She's there to nag about dirty rooms, doing laundry, dating dickheads, all that stuff. She's like Slayer Mom to Harris' big brother act. If the girls have something serious she calls people for the girls."

"Most young women could use a sensible older role model," Natasha agreed. "Is she overbearing?"

"Nah. The one time she was, MI-6 said that the girls tied her up in the closet and went to the zoo then clubbing," Clint grinned at her. "They came home with a few orphaned strays and a new tattoo. She worked it out with them."

"My mother would've yelled more about the tattoos than the new pets," Sam said. "She'd scream for weeks about the new tattoos."

"In my day, tattoos were for sailors to show they had been somewhere," Steve said, frowning some. "Now they're sometimes artwork and sometimes meaningful. I prefer meaningful ones personally." The others nodded they could agree with that. "And not face tattoos unless it's something tribal you grew up with."

"That is a good idea," Natasha agreed. "Most face tattoos are proof of bad decision making. I prefer them to be more private. Sleeves I don't usually really like but having a chest full and a back full? I'm fine with that. The teenage girl who had started ritual scarification....when I asked her she had no idea that it was cultural to a certain group of peoples in Africa. She thought it was a cool part of body modification." She grimaced. "She was not amused and told her friends, who all grimaced at her for being appropriating." She smiled slightly. "Hopefully she'll have it undone."

"Nat, with the way some people split their tongues, I'm more worried about those body modification people's mental states."

Steve cleared his throat. "I made the mistake of looking that up to see why they did that and found people that split other things." He shuddered.

Sam gave him a strange look. "What else did they split?"

Pietro smirked at him. "I met one who split his dick that way. Down the middle about halfway so he had two halves side-by-side. He said he debated for a while about doing it top and bottom but he liked the look this way better."

Sam shuddered, curling up around his lap. "Seriously, man?"

"Yeah, that's what I ran into online," Steve said, grimacing again. "His was side-by-side too. And guys who had tattoos there. And one that had those jewels that aren't quite piercings but just studs stuck into the skin. Oh, and the one guy that had a whole diorama of Puff the magic dragon and it faded back to Eastern beliefs behind."

Sam hugged himself, shaking his head quickly. "Some people don't respect themselves! Ewww!"

Steve grinned. "I shared that with Bucky. He sent back that someone needed mental help too. He shared it with a warrior that was checking on him and she said that he's brave but mind damaged and clearly needed help."

"Ya think?" Sam complained. He looked at the tv, showing a different battle. "That's almost worse to my mind." He got up to get a drink and get something to clear his mind.

"I don't think I could keep a straight face if I ran into a penis tattoo," Natasha admitted. "Even on assignment." She got up, walking off shaking her head. Clint was grinning at that but he was a man, and they were like that sometimes.

***

Xander nodded for the witch he was working with to summon Rupert Giles, who had been nagging him for weeks that they didn't use higher weapons and no one really needed them. Xander pointed at the demon trying to blow up his ego so he could attack them. "This is a mild thing that we've handled this month, Giles. If you want to use a sword against it...." He grinned and handed him one. "You have fun with that."

Giles stared then blinked a few times. He licked his lips. "That being actually takes magic to attack it." Xander handed over his phone, open to a spell site. "I loathe those things."

"Not like *I* use magic, Giles. Do we want me to take up magic?"

"No!" he said quickly, shaking his head as he looked up the spell. He looked at the witch next to him, who had a spell but it wasn't the right one. "No, that works against his siblings but not him as he was blessed by a higher being."

"Who showed up last night," Xander quipped, leaning against his truck. "They tried to get tribute and we refused and had to blow his head off. So now his protege and godson is here to avenge him. Because I couldn't behead him with my axe." He stared at him. "Do you still think we don't need higher weapons down here, Giles?"

"No, I believe that the military should have them."

"The US designers won't sell to them. Hell, the Russians won't sell to them, Giles. So it's all from confiscating things or begging another country to bum some." He stared at him. Then waved a hand when the demon let out a bellow. "You or me with the magic, Giles? The phone's shielded against Rosenburg too so don't worry about that part."

Giles scowled but cast the spell with the witches backing him up to take out the demon. It removed his blessings, so he wasn't immortal any more. Then Xander had to rush off to stop the baby slayer with a small wood axe. And yell at her mother apparently. Rupert looked at the military witches, then shook his head. "Is it always like this?"

"This is pretty mild," a colonel said as he walked over. "Xander warned us this was going to be an idiot son. We don't usually have the medium level weapons to handle it. If they won't fall to guns or tanks or planes, we're fairly worried. Thankfully your watcher can talk to weapons people we can't without arresting them." He looked back at the demon screaming in pain. "I hate it when he uses his axe. He gets injured and our medics hate to treat him." Then a warrior showed up and used her staff weapon on the demon, which blew off the head. He grinned at her. "Thank you, Lady of Wakanda!"

"You're most welcome," she called back. "Watcher Harris, our king was most upset by this."

"Not like you guys vowed to the ancient being who thought he was a god last night."

"No," she agreed. "Thankfully they are not in our deities. Our king is mad that no one tells us about these."

"I let you guys copy the books. I can come run lessons but it'll take a few weeks. Which means I almost get a vacation while teaching and letting you guys handle some swords." He grinned.

She snorted. "Swords are being made for us just in case we need one, as well as a few silver plated weapons just in case." She leaned on her staff. "Can we have a slayer to come train with our warriors?"

"Yeah. Giles, can one of the girls that has class, sense, and skills come spar with the warriors in Wakanda? Who, by the way, can kick all our asses without sweating?"

Giles took off his glasses. "I would not mind if they did. Would Faith do good?"

"She doesn't train well but Kara does," Xander countered. "And she likes warm places."

"True. She's also healing a sprained ankle at the moment so it would be a good thing." He looked at Xander's phone and used it to call home. "Oh, Perkins. Yes, it is Rupert. Xander had me summoned to talk about the need for bigger weapons. Please tell Kara to call Xander later on to talk about coming down to help train some warriors in Wakanda about demons. Yes, I'm serious. Because according to Xander, they can kick everyone's rearend and not even sweat. He suggested her. Thank you." He hung up and sighed then sent a spell at the demon trying to reform. It finished dying as its insides liquified. Xander just grinned at him. "What would you have used instead?" Xander pointed at the tank. "That's a bit strong."

"Not like we have more and I can't afford something in the right size class, Giles. Especially not with my paycheck usually being at least a week later than it should be. If I get it at all. By the way, you now owe me for a month's worth of paychecks." He gave him a pointed look then went to nag the baby slayer and mother, with the warrior following him to help. He grinned at her. "She demanded her mother bring her."

"That's brave of her but she's too damn young," the warrior told the little girl.

"I'm a slayer."

The warrior smiled. "I'm a Warrior and Guardian of Wakanda. You're too young." The girl pouted but slumped. "That is adult women work, and for Watcher Harris to do. Not for young girls to do."

"I can help."

"No you can't," Xander quipped. "Not until you're at least seventeen." That got a bigger pout. "Tough. You knew that before you did it."

"You weren't handling it," she pouted. "The news people said so." Xander pointed. "Is that Mr. Giles?" He nodded. "Why is he here?"

"Because he didn't want me to buy bigger weapons," he said dryly.

"Ohhhhh." She looked at her mother then at the warrior. "Can some of us who are slayers-to-be come train with your people?"

She leaned down, still smiling. "When you're older you can ask. You can't start training with our trainers until you are sixteen at least." The girl huffed but nodded she understood that. "Then we may allow it. Depending on what's going on in the world." She patted her on the head. "Remember, you still have time to play and be a girl. At my age, dolls sit on a shelf to be admired and blocks aren't really appreciated. Though one of us does build lego castles in her off-hours." She straightened up. "You will be a fine warrior some day."

"I know," she huffed. "Someday I'll be a big slayer and Xander will only back me up instead of nag me." Xander tweaked her ear, getting swatted for it. "Fine. Let me go talk to Mr. Giles about weapons things." She grinned at the warrior woman. "We need to know more about you so you can be icons to the little slayers. They need more role models because you don't dress like Slayer Buffy or Slayer Faith and you guys apparently all like school stuff too." She ran over to babble at Giles.

Xander grinned. "Thanks. Sometimes...." He waved a hand in the air, getting a laugh and a nod. He shook her hand. "Thank you for the battle help as well. Call on me if you need me."

She nodded. "We will. I should get back to the diplomatic dinner we have to suffer through tonight." She walked off after nodding at the colonel and Giles too.

Xander strolled back over there, picking up the baby slayer to look at. "You're two years too young to get your training sword. You have to be big enough that I can't pick you up anymore." He put her down when she scowled. He grinned at her. "Ten."

"Fine," she sighed. "I'm always too little."

"Hey, that means you can play for longer," Xander quipped with a grin for her. "A lot of playing hours instead of working out and training hours."

"Good point." She ran to her mother then came back to give Xander a hug around the waist before running back to her mother again. Her mother walked her off talking to her. Xander looked at Giles, who sighed but nodded.

"It is probably easier when you do have weapons but we do not have a weapons budget. You're the only one that needs to buy your own."

"Asia pretty well takes care of their own demons, and most of them have to be banished or magicked. Central and South America's demons are mostly gotten by the drug cartel sorts because they use them as food to solve problems. Down here, we have a diverse demon base but a lot of them aren't good sorts. And we have a lot of ancient ones who hid from the colonizing assholes. Thankfully I'm not one of those so they come to flirt with me." He looked at one, who just grinned and wiggled her fingers. "And sometimes feeds me tea with painkillers."

Giles looked at the waiting demoness. "How did you hear about Xander?" he asked politely.

"Your higher ups bragged about how he changed Anyanka so much," she cooed, reaching over to tease Xander's hair.

He looked at her. "I'm sweaty, sorry."

"It's all right, Xander. You're still cute when you're all sweaty." She smiled at Giles. "Many of us would adore owning him."

"I can't let anyone own the boy. No one else seems able to get down here to protect others and work with our minis." He smiled. "Unless he's vowed himself to one of you?"

"No," she pouted. "He won't."

"I require a lot of wooing," Xander quipped, getting away from the teasing fingers. "You're making knots." He smirked at her. "Sex is different than love or vowing. Sex is fun but vowing would take dating and lots of time together."

"Good point." She sighed, smiling at him. "Are you coming to make my healers huff again soon?"

"Next month. They demanded. They even nagged."

She smiled and nodded. "They know you needed to be seen, dear." She blew a kiss then disappeared.

Xander grinned at Giles. "Her healers are better than any hospital and they only nag a tiny bit."

"That's good for you. Have they checked the eye hole recently? I see some discoloration around your patch."

"No, that's someone punched me in it." He grimaced. "He decided me checking into the inn was hitting on his wife, who was in the marketplace. Then he gasped because it gave way to his fist so he went to church to pray. The priest asked me why so I told him. The priest laughed to go yell at him." He rubbed the area. "It'll finish healing in a few days."

"Does that happen a lot?"

"Yeah, some guys are jealous that I look hot with swords," Xander quipped, grinning at the colonel. "Some of his guys too."

"Too true," he complained, glaring at his soldiers. Then at Xander. "The other one coming?"

Xander checked his watch then looked at the field. He squinted and pointed. "That looks like it."

The colonel got some binoculars to check then groaned. "It is stomping this way with a smaller version of itself under his arm."

"The vision showed it wasn't dangerous," Xander reminded him. "So he's probably going to complain about his son, like Fred does to his daughter about her skirts when she's at the embassy." He walked over, putting his sunglasses back on. "Hold up," he bellowed when the demon got close enough. "What's wrong?"

"I've heard there is a watcher here," he said, coming closer but more carefully.

Xander waved a hand. "And here I am with our boss over there. What's up? The colony being bothered or something?"

"My son is possessed and has a demon infesting him." He put him down in front of Xander and stepped back.

Xander waved Giles over. "I can't depossess anything," he admitted. "I tend to suck them in instead. The ones I worked with were not amused at that gift. But, our boss can." He looked over. "Giles, come depossess this kid?"

"Of course, if I can." He came over to look. "We need to remove this infestation first."

"We need a medic," Xander yelled. "The kid's gotten used as a host."

"It's a demon," one of the soldiers called back.

Xander scowled at him. "Peaceful beings are all the same to most of us." He huffed but a few medics did come rushing when the colonel summoned them. He helped them with the removal. He had two demonic worms using him as a nesting spot. They got it cleaned out and stitched. Then Giles depossessed him. The baby sniffled but Xander hugged him to calm him down.

Giles applied a shield and smiled at the father. "He should be safe now. Take reasonable precautions for the wound site."

"Keep it clean, dry, and the stitches covered. We used absorbable ones so he won't need to see someone to get them removed," a medic said.

The father smiled and nodded, taking his son to cuddle. "Thank you all. I know the watcher can remove things like that."

"And I'm totally out of supplies to do it," Xander admitted with a slight nod. "I need to restock the truck. But I'll do that tonight and if I'm near you and you need me, just ask, dude."

"I will. Thank you all." He shook their hands and walked off talking to his son.

The colonel waved. "Make sure he and his son gets home safely," he ordered. A few soldiers drove a jeep to gather them up so they could get home safely and faster.

Xander grinned. "Thanks, people. Many would overreact and attack them for seeking help." He shook their hands. He looked at Giles. "Does Willow still think I'm just telling stories and dancing around fires?" A few of the medics laughed at that image. "She's only seen National Geographic magazines after her mother censored it for breasts." He grinned at Giles.

"I think she does. She doesn't think any of the girls outside of Cleveland handle any bigger issues." Xander rolled his eye and shook his head. "You handled that well."

"I often do. I get a few of those a year." He shrugged but grinned. "So can I be paid finally? I need to buy some new boots and a new hat."

"I can do that when I get back, Xander. And yell at her again for you." He gave him a short hug then looked at the back he had patted. "What is that?"

Xander looked over his shoulder then shrugged. "The bandage? Last night's battle." He walked off. "It's clean. I had a shower."

Giles stopped him to look at it and groaned. "How did that happen?"

"Pointy supposed-God jewelry?" Xander guessed, looking at the nearest medic. Who nodded that was true. "Yeah, pointy jewelry he tried to hit me with." He got free with a grin. "It's not infected. And I have a pointy bracelet from him I can sell at least." He put back on his t-shirt with a grin for his mentor and boss. "Could've been worse."

"True, it could be much worse," he sighed. "Let me talk to others. We really must get you some help, Xander." He called someone and they sent him home so he could talk to the other watchers.

Xander grinned at the medics. "Thanks for not busting me for the stitches on my legs, guys. He probably would've had a fit." He walked back with them. "There, all better. And my boss will try to get another one of us down here to help me." He grinned.

The others patted him on the back and let him go sell that bracelet and stock his truck with what he'd need in the field.

***

Giles looked at the gathered watchers and slayers that night. "Xander had me summoned earlier as a demon needed magic to banish and I had been protesting about him wanting higher weapons." A few of the watchers grimaced. He put down a photocopy from a book. "He fought that last night with his axe, people." They looked and a few of the grimacers made whining noises. "Exactly. As pointed out, Asia's demons are mostly sorted out and mostly banishable. Africa's had many older ones, and many of them are actually peaceful." He put the reports he had Xander send to him again on the tv behind him, letting them run as a slideshow the boy had created for him.

"That can't be right!" Willow complained. "That's a hell goddess, Giles!"

"Yes, she has healers who nag him about getting medical checks. She showed up earlier to nag him and offer me to buy him." He looked at the others as they read. "So, how are we going to support that? Most of his slayers are under the age of puberty. He's trained regional militaries to deal with battles. Most of them do not have the medium level weapons necessary. They have tanks and planes and guns but nothing in between." A few of the slayers groaned and shifted. They had needed that sort of weapons before.

"Also, he's the only one covering the whole continent. Asia does technically have two, though one's in traction at the moment. South and Central America supposedly had a lot of problems taken out because they were solving the problem of drug lords for everyone so they fought back." He looked around the room again. Buffy reached over to stop the slideshow.

"So, we really must realign people so there's more of us handling things. Xander hardly ever gets up to northern Africa. Or the southern tip unless he's hunting something specific. I will note that he has also had a few human originating problems that he's handled. Mostly because they were bothering the girls, though once he did have to go rescue one of the slayer's sister from someone who was selling people."

Buffy raised her hand. "Was that the guy that he sold to a few poker contacts?"

"No, I believe that was a blood hunter," he said, grimacing as he took off his glasses to clean them. "The person was nosing around his blood so Xander handled it for him and others." He put his glasses back on. "There was also a few incidences of him being in the wrong place at the right time. Like with that bomb." He shuddered as he sat down, looking at the others. "That alone made me drink for a few days."

"Xander did *what*?" Willow demanded, standing up while slapping the table.

"He was in a mall to find a new shirt and found men with bomb vests," Giles said. "He got people coming and helped end the threat. Then called when it apparently came from some bad ideas that the Initiative had." He stared at her. "Did you expect him to run and let others suffer?" She glared at him. "He was in the mall."

"Xander's bad luck strikes again," Buffy quipped, nodding some, looking at Faith.

"Thankfully when I filled in for a few weeks, I didn't get it from his truck. I heard about the mummy thing though."

Giles nodded. "Yes, we have reports on that." He looked at the one who oversaw the Book of Problems, and the not totally hidden Book of Xander Problems. "We did record that?"

"We did," he agreed, smiling at his boss. "I'm wondering how the boy isn't an alcoholic."

"He hates drinking," Willow said, making herself sit down even though she was still huffy. "We need to bring him home so he's a normal Xander again, Giles."

"You tried that once and he went back to get away from you," he reminded her. "You nagged him into fleeing in the middle of the night, Willow." He looked at the others. "He also sent a reminder note about the cave. Including that any slayers could not walk back into it without doing something to the spell that started the slayer spirit. Do we have someone going to do an official study of it yet?"

"I volunteered," one of the researchers said. "I was refused because I was an uncalled potential."

"We don't want the slayer spirit hurt," Faith said. "I looked at the pictures he took. It does show that something will happen if another slayer walked in. The picture looked like two slayers changing stakes." Giles called that report up so they could see it.

The one over the books raised his hand. "That would really be best for someone like Cormier but he died." He looked at one. "Isn't that your sort of research?"

"I'm the twin of a potential. I'm not sure if it would matter. The same as it does for Deborah." He looked at the other researchers. "Are any of you eligible?" They all shook their heads. "Damnation. Rupert?"

"I would be open to someone who had reasonable training to do a study of the cave. Then we really must make sure no one can get into it. Some would use it to destroy the girls if that information got out."

"That's a good worry. We can contact a few people in Egypt to get a recommendation," Deborah said. "My former roommate is down there." She pulled out her phone to send a message to them. She smiled. "She works at the main museum as a translator." She got one back. "Oh, that's her husband." She bit her lip while she typed a message to him. He sent one back that he'd tell her to call when she got back from tea with her mother. She sent back a 'thank you' text and put her phone down. "Her husband will have her call later, Rupert."

"Thank you, Deborah. That could be very helpful. Xander did what he could but the pictures are a bit bad." He looked at them then closed out that file. He looked at the others. "So who are we sending to Africa to work with the tiny minis and to spare Xander some work? Kara, he requested you when one of those warrior women from Wakanda asked to train for demon battles."

She grinned. "I'm packed and waiting on word on paperwork and shots I'll need. I called the embassy earlier. They'll email me forms tomorrow." He nodded at that, making a note for himself. She looked at Buffy then at Faith.

"I only ran into one," Faith said. "She let me have X's pickup truck while he had the mini in quarantine thanks to her daddy. They were pretty cool, just really quiet."

"I can handle quiet and calm people," Kara agreed with a nod. "It might be nice not to see so many squealing teenage girls." She glared at one. "Bring back my bra after you wash it too."

"Fine," that one pouted. "Buffy, I need new workout bras."

"Yup, you probably do," she agreed. "We can do that later." A few of the girls perked up at that.

Giles sighed. "Must you?"

"Yes. Boobs hurt if you workout in the wrong bra," Buffy told him. "Do you want to watch us heal torn chest muscles?"

"No," he agreed. He found the slayer card in his wallet and tossed it over. "Take someone who can reasonably drive with you, girls." They grinned at the watchers who drove. One nodded but rolled his eyes. "At least they're not using you as a pack and bag mule like they used to use Xander," he told that watcher.

"Thankfully. The stories he told about Summers shopping times were nearly horrifying. It definitely made me want to avoid having teenage daughters." Buffy huffed but rolled her eyes, shaking her head at that. "You are rather fashionable, Summers."

"So was our mom." She smirked. "I could be worse. Stella's a lot worse than I am about that."

"Yes, which is why we talked to her mother about clothes she could be practical in," Giles said. "Using your wardrobe as a reference for things that aren't really practical. She had a worse skirt habit than you've had. Thankfully she found some cute jeans."

Buffy huffed again but shook her head. "She'll figure it out. She's only twelve."

"Back on target please," the head of the library said. He sighed, looking at Rupert. "Would a slayer be enough help for him?"

"I'm good but I need to be pretty stable," Kara told him. "And Egypt is scary right now."

"We'll look into that," Giles told her. "And decide if we're sending down another girl to help him."

"I hate to say it but will the military guys down there work with a girl?" Buffy asked.

Faith nodded. "I didn't have many problems. A few but he did too from what he warned me about."

"So he'll need to travel with them for a bit to introduce them around," Buffy decided. The others nodded. "Well, I know I'm not eligible. I can't travel very well. That will mean living out of a truck."

Giles' computer beeped so he looked at his email. He reloaded it and stared, opening the file to read. He groaned and put the footage on the screen for them to see the news report. Xander was throwing a fit at a demon. The demon was throwing a fit about having a watcher around. Xander yelled at him that he was helping protect all harmless people.

That the Council had changed and if he didn't realize that he was out of touch. The demon tried to hit Xander so Xander punched him then kicked his axe up to hold. The demon screamed and ran. Xander went back to look at the remains of his truck, complaining that he had just gotten it stocked and fixed. Now he had to replace everything. "The news feed is from a reporter, not Xander himself." He sent Xander's phone a message, getting one back from him pouting about his truck. "He's fine but mad."

"That demon attacked him," Willow complained with a point.

"He attacked a watcher that he thought was there to attack him," Giles corrected. "He thought Xander practiced the old ways and he clearly doesn't." He cleared his throat. "Xander would've been reasonable to attack that demon back but he didn't and I respect that, Willow." She stomped off in a huff.

"I'd suggest a memory removal spell about the boy to ease her temper," another watcher said. "But with how long they've known each other there's no telling what it would do to her personality."

"It's also not right," Buffy said firmly. "Memory spells were wrong when Willow did one too."

"Yes but it might keep her from attacking your mutual friend," he told her.

She nodded. "True. Willow's got a temper problem. I'm shocked Xander's answering the phone."

"He's not," Giles said. "He said he's not answering any other messages from up here for at least a day."

"Smart of him," Deborah agreed. "Rosenburg does like to nag. Loudly." Buffy snorted but didn't disagree. "So, how are we helping him get a new truck he can trick out?"

"I don't know yet," Giles admitted. "We'll work on that tomorrow. Tonight he's going to sulk I believe." They all nodded. "Give me ideas about spreading us back around to areas that need us. Kara, get ready to go soon." She nodded, going to see if she had those forms yet. "The rest of you, give me ideas of things we need to do about making the girls more secure. While I was down there, a young slayer made her mother bring her because the news said that Xander wasn't whacking away at a demon with his axe."

"I'll talk to them tonight," Faith said, looking at Buffy, who waved a hand. "Thanks. You talk to the other minis?"

"I can do that," she agreed. They went to the computer lab to do that. The others broke up to make suggestions about what needed to be done now. And to stop any Willow plans.

***

Xander flopped into the chair across from the agent who had wanted to see him so badly a few weeks earlier. "So," he said, picking up the guy's cup of coffee to drink from. "I've spent the last three weeks undoing spells that would have created a few side things. Including one that would've sent your people onto a battle world in space. One that would've separated your team so your two geeks would've possibly died during another alien infection point. One that would've brought the evil you from another realm..... Should I continue and do you want to handle the idiot who's doing it who was SHIELD or would you like me to sell him as a poker debt?" He took another drink and put the cup down.

Phil Coulson looked at him oddly. "I didn't add sugar to that."

Xander grinned. "I saw that but the sugar's got a potion in it anyway." He picked up a pinchful of it and dropped it into the coffee so they could both watch it turn purple. "Probably a control potion so we'd quit letting that idiot make wishes. We really have to free the wish demon he's got trapped somehow soon before she explodes and we all die this time for real." He stared at him then grinned again.

"I'd like to stop that personally. Can I have his name?" Xander handed over the picture he had printed off, which had the address written on it. "I remember him. He's very set in his ways."

"He's desperately wanting Fury back for *some* reason," Xander said sarcastically. "He nearly called Thanos back so he could've snapped for real and they would've solved it with a few dead people after five years."

Coulson winced but nodded once. "Yes, we need to stop him and I may allow you to sell him to a poker debt. Is he the only one?"

"Nope!" Xander grinned brightly and cheerily. "You've got a *whole* cult of them! All for different reasons but all in the sure sense that they *really* want Fury back." He beamed at him. "I'm about to tell them how to rescue him."

"Does he need rescued?"

"Yup. He accidentally walked into a demon poker place and was drinking slightly so shut up a meowing bet by petting it. They're a bit mad about that so they've got him trapped in a cell." He slid over the other photo he had of Nick Fury petting the cat sitting on him. "They'll let him keep the tainted bet but you'll have to pay it back. Since he stole the bet he owes about twenty grand."

"I'll see if I can send someone to free him. Thank you for that cheery news, Mr. Harris."

Xander winked at him. "The evil you was going to destroy your team. And the world." He stood up. "Something about Sarge...." He shrugged. "The evil me was a vampire so yours was at least still a normal human." He strolled off. "Oh, beloved," he bellowed. "I'm going to kill your stupid ass for trying to potion me! You'd better fuckin' run!" The agent who had been wishing took off running. Xander grinned and chased him.

Coulson went to follow him so he could deal with his soon-to-be-former agent himself. He didn't want to be potioned either. The ones who had been watching were a bit creeped out but the few who knew who Harris was were freaking out that he was out of Africa and without any slayers. It had to mean something big but horrible was going to happen soon.

***

Melinda May broke into the house she had been ordered to break into, seeing...herself tied to a chair. "What the hell?" she demanded quietly.

"He wanted me to be you. You're his fantasy," the wish demon said dryly, changing back to her normal look. "Can you let me go please?"

"Are you dangerous to most everyone?" She tapped her earpiece. "I have some sort of demon tied to a chair?" She nodded and broke the lock for the demon. "We got your captor earlier. He's in jail and begging for medical attention." Melinda looked at her. "Should we call a healer for you? Or help you get to one? I know there's a demon clinic locally."

"I...." She looked at herself. "Please?" A large, red demon with horns appeared. "D'Hoffryn, she rescued me. I'm going to see a healer about the injuries."

The head vengeance demon looked at his minion and nodded. "That's an excellent idea but we need someone to clean up his ...trophy room." The wish demon shuddered, shrinking down some.

Melinda looked at him. "Harris is local. He told us about her being held hostage." The ops person had told her that. "I can have him called. We can add on charges to the one that had her if we need to."

"Please," D'Hoffryn said. "I'd ask him myself but most of the time I want to yell at him for tainting one of mine to niceness and having a conscience." He grimaced. "Go get seen." The lower demon nodded, letting Melinda take her to her car. D'Hoffryn popped his neck when a young girl let herself in. "Slayer Faith."

"Hey, Big D. Xander'd come help but he said for me to deal with it because he just had to run off to rescue a princess demon from being stolen." D'Hoffryn winced but nodded once, showing her where he felt the remains. She looked and held down a gag. "Oh, Goddess, that's gross. He needs to be under the jail for good." She carefully walked in then grimaced. "Two are groaning. Get me a healer?" D'Hoffryn stepped back to summon one for her.

Faith waved her in. "I got summoned ta clean this up because the human who did it doesn't deserve that name," she told the healer. "I'm hearing two different groans." She looked over at the moaning. "I'm the Slayer Faith, Healer. Come help me help them." She nodded, coming in to find her living victims to help. She found a few extra and Faith helped her remove them to the living room for treatment so she could respectfully clean up the rest. Melinda came back. Faith stared at her. "If you're an agent, tell me this supposed human is being punished?"

"He's still begging for medical attention for having a wish demon hostage. This...." She looked around. "I'm going to see him cut into tiny chunks for if possible. How can I help?"

"We need ta get them respectfully taken to the healer's clinic so they can be claimed or buried," Faith said. Melinda nodded and got another few agents to help with that, with one stopping at the clinic to warn them and bring another healer to help the one in the living room. Melinda came in to start removing parts that were mounted on the walls. Faith got full demon bodies separated and any missing parts put with them. D'Hoffryn oversaw it and made sure no one got more injured. He even stopped Faith from moving one's severed hand because it was poisonous.

***

Nick Fury looked up as his cell door opened, staring at the demon standing there. "The cat could use some food if you wouldn't mind."

"You're being freed. You can take the bet with you since they paid it for you." Fury got up and followed him out. He had learned that acting up got him poisoned in a way that made him want to die. Thankfully the demons hadn't hurt the cat when they had gotten him for being mouthy. The demon opened a door and pointed. "There, Human."

"Next time I'll know better than to quiet the meowing." He moved to the agent, looking at her. "Thanks for the rescue."

Melinda May shook her head. "Harris told us, sir. Car? I've got a bottle of water so you can let her have some." He nodded, getting in and helping the cat get settled in the back seat with some water and Melinda's peanut butter sandwich. She got in and looked at him. "A cat is worth that much?"

"No clue," he admitted. "I'm just glad I healed from the poisoning for trying to get demanding."

"We can get you to medical, Director." She drove off. "Is the cat staying?"

"Probably. We did pay for her. I'll find her a good home if I have to." She just nodded and turned onto a lesser used road. "The safehouse?"

"Coulson and Foster are there."

"Foster? Jane Foster?"

"Yup. We had to rescue her from some demons who wanted to treat her as a goddess for making the stars make sense, and making Thor pouty by dumping him."

Fury hummed but nodded slowly. "Still a soap opera I see."

"Often," she quipped, grinning at him as she parked. "Inside, Director. I'll get the cat some food. Cat food or tuna in a can?"

"Get both, I don't know what it'll eat. They had cheap, dry food for her." She nodded, driving off once they were heading for the door. Nick walked in shaking his head. "Coulson, thank you."

"Welcome, Nick. I'm sure you remember Doctors Foster and Simmons."

"Yup." He settled down with a groan. "I survived the poisoning. They congratulated me on it." Simmons came over to check him over, handing Coulson the cat for a few minutes. "Thanks, Simmons."

"Welcome, sir." She frowned. "You're still probably sick."

"Could be." He yawned. Simmons was looking up something on her phone and got sent a bottle and needle from somewhere. "What's that?"

"An antidote." She smiled before she stuck him on the arm. "There, that should help." Melinda came in with cat food and the cat meowed but did settle down to eat once she got some onto a plate for him. Simmons petted the cat then looked at Coulson. "I'll let you talk. Doctor Foster, would you like to use my phone again?"

"Please. I don't want to worry my coworkers." They went out back to give Coulson some privacy.

Coulson smirked as he handed over a file. "On an agent we shed. He's paid your debt for you, and a lot of his own. We heard thanks to Harris."

Fury flipped it open and the picture on top made him heave. "Fuck."

"Yes, he was in the head," Melinda agreed. "Had a wish demon trapped as a hostage. Thought they had to rescue you." She went out back to hang with the two scientists, and to make sure no one captured them again.

Fury looked up. "Did we pay beyond him?"

"No. His...existence is being dealt with for all he did." He sat down and adjusted his sweater. "Are you all right?"

"I hope so." The cat jumped into his lap and flopped onto her side to nap. He petted her then looked at his former underling. "Everything else going to hell?"

"We tracked what he was trying and the cult trying to get you back. They're going to be going down as well, but not as dramatically. Though three did work in your unit." Fury groaned. "We've educated them." He smirked slightly. "Natasha was most helpful."

"I'm sure she enjoyed the stress relief. Anything else I need to absolutely know right now?"

"One of the mini slayers, one of the very young, went to talk to a demon at a poker game to find out why everyone was not talking about a battle that was mean, to quote her. The demon told her why that was and she basically huffed and demanded to know so she could warn the other minis. That way they were warned to stay away from some sorts. The demon told her to stay away from purple beings and some blue beings so she said that was good but one of them somehow got a movie from another realm on how bad it could have been."

He slid over a DVD jewel case. "I'm damn glad we didn't do that." He stood up. "Go rest, Nick. Then call your unit to calm the panicking debutantes down again please. They've even found Maria and begged her for news of you." He went out back to talk to the ladies, and to take them back from the demon wanting to worship Melinda for her battle prowess. The teenage male had been stalking her for weeks now about how good she was in battles. Even the kid's mother hadn't been able to make him stop.

***

The president was back on his kick. "That guy has to want a position. He's heroic and likes to help people. He might even take my job some day," he said happily.

"He'd kill everyone if you took him away from his duty, sir," one of his advisors said, sighing at the end. "He sees what he does like being called like a priest. He doesn't want a job here or anywhere outside the one he has right now. For that matter, he'd destroy SHIELD from the inside for all the bad they had done in the past. Then he'd fix the other agencies."

"The people could benefit from that."

That advisor looked at him. "Sir, the first thing he'd do is have you taken out for what you've done. Your family wouldn't benefit in any way from that move." The president glared at him. "Not even the investigations so far would be enough for him because he's *seen* what the US has done in other places. And frankly, there's demons who want him to be president some day so he can fix things for the slayers so they have an easier life. We'll all be out of a job if you appoint him anywhere. That was made very clear to me by a wish demon that got sent with that message from their higher up." He gave him a pointed look. "We do not want that to happen. I mean, world peace would be great and all, but is that a price you're willing to pay?"

"I haven't done anything wrong!"

"Bullshit," he said dryly. "His first act would be to put you in jail for not paying your bills, sir. The laws exist and you'd be there within minutes for all those lawsuits you didn't pay the judgement on. Plus all the other debts you have. You, your sons, your daughter, would all be beside you. Except for your anchor child last born son due to his age." Another advisor coughed but nodded. "He has made it quite clear that he does not want to work with us. He's made it exceedingly clear that he does not want to work for you. Plus the warnings we have of what he'll become. Does the world need that?"

"We should take him out then," the president sneered.

"Not many of us will stop a demonic invasion," his military advisor noted. "He's done that without the slayers backing him up, but with regional militaries. He's very certain he's got the job he wants, sir, and he's not pleased to do it but it's necessary."

"He could be a threat to us, to the US."

"Only if we really upset him." A demon appeared so they all stared at him. "What're you?"

"A messenger," that one said. He looked at the president. "The human you wish to have as a figurehead, he has many owed wishes and boons from what he's solved and saved. We all, on all planes, want him to be comfortably human for however long he lasts. We also wish him not to be in power because then things will get weird and not even we want to deal with that. So leave the boy be!" He stared at someone down the table. "Your cousin owes many debts and they're considering taking him out for it." He smiled a bit. "My messages are done with." He disappeared.

"Which is why we do not want that boy anywhere," another advisor said. "Just leave the Council be, sir. Before we all die from it? I'd hate to become some demon's plaything."

"Tentacles," another said with a shudder. "Gross."

The president grimaced. "Fine, we'll figure it out later." He got up and stomped off to pout. Within hours, a demon spokesbeing was on the news that he watched, talking about the plans to appoint that watcher. A lot of others were protesting that the boy didn't want it and had turned it down a few times.

Then they cut to Xander's current battle.

Oops, that was probably not supposed to make the news.

Especially not with the SHIELD agents in attendance and two beings tied to poles to sacrifice. Xander shouted something and pointed, sending some agents to handle the new threat trying to show up. He fired on the demon with something large and impressively explosive, blowing up the demon's cult members. That let them rescue the people tied to poles. There were Avengers members coming in. And a few others. Xander shouted at someone, getting a nod back from Captain America, who threw his shield at a smaller demon. That one screamed and ducked but the protections around the battlefield fell.

It made a few agents fall down; it had cut the zombie spell around the field. Xander cut one of the hostages free and handed him a machete before diving back in. Then there were witches and a few older slayers, including the two senior ones. The demons hated Buffy enough to attack as a group but they seemed to ignore Faith. Xander and Faith teamed up to save Buffy. The other slayers were getting agents out of the way so they could finish the battle for everyone. A few got hurt by the backup forces but that happened. Finally, Faith beheaded the main demon. An invisible one showed up smirking but the agents blew that one's head off with some artillery. Iron Man made sure the whole body exploded so it couldn't reform.

The boy was leaning down, catching his breath so he could stand up without help. He finally managed it and looked at the slayers, who all grinned and waved at him. He thanked them and had them sent home. The agents got gathered so they could get checked over. The head agent pulled Xander with them by grabbing his arm to haul him off. Even if Xander did complain. One of the Fox news people called the reporting team down there to talk to Harris about his opinion about being taken in by the current administration.

Xander spotted them coming and got into their face to protect the agents being cleaned up, and the few that were lying under sheets already. He ordered them out of the military tent. The local military agreed and came to arrest them for bothering them. The reporter shouted his question and Xander glared at him. Then he noted it was a stupid idea. He had no ability or right to run an intelligence group, nor did he want to for this administration since half of them were demon tainted by owing for deals. Then he pointed out how he had told. It discredited half of the senior advisors.

The president winced but shuddered because he'd have to shed them all. And his daughter's husband with the one the boy had noted. Then the boy smirked and noted that no one saw the president that undressed so it'd have to come from his doctor spotting it. The reporters got dragged off being yelled at but they were not going to be released for the next few days.

The local reporters in the US were horrified by that but the agents they had been talking to were nodding about that. The reporters turned on them but one agreed that the reporters there had violated the privacy of the living agents and were desecrating the dead ones' memories. What if their families had seen that? Is that how anyone wanted to know that their relative had died? The reporters shuddered but moved onto another topic instead. The president was nearly ready to have a kiddy fit about all that. He really had to fix that problem. He'd start with a tweet but his assistant took his phone from his hand and took it with her as she stomped off. His daughter came in to calm him down, explaining why that was a bad time to tweet anything. The people would turn on them. They might even egg them. They didn't need that sort of bad press right now. It was nearly an election.

The president huffed but let that plot lay down for now. He'd come back to it later.

***

Maria Hill walked into the hotel the agents, Harris, and the Avengers were resting in for the day. They had been told to wait for her to debrief them in the same general area so they were nicely in a meeting room. She looked at the agents. "Your supervisors saw. Most weren't amused but glad that you survived. Two of them," she said with a nod to those agents. "Had a fit worthy of a tweenage girl." They grinned back.

"But they calmed down with application of a nerve jab to knock them out. They woke up much more calm. You're all cleared to go home to be nagged. Feel free to bitch back." She looked at Harris and the Avengers. "Mr. Harris, do we have the information from the skrulls?"

"I handed it to your head guy," he said patiently. He shifted to put his foot up since it was swelling again. "If he hasn't shared, nag him."

"I can do that. Are you due any other battles soon? Before you heal?" she clarified.

"Yup." He nodded. "But we'll handle it like we usually do. That one I can use artillery on. If someone would donate I'd be happy. So would the place I've got to go since it's very near a quarantined area." She winced. "Six miles from the border." He pulled out his phone to look it up, then let her catch it.

She looked over the information. "Can the locals handle it? It's a huge risk if you get infected somehow. That is airborne." She handed the phone back then stepped back to her former spot.

"Possibly. Will they? Probably not and there's a mini near there I've had to evacuate because they're bad about going to ask her opinion. Plus one slightly older one that got evacuated when the sickness started near there."

"That's good to know. Can we help you move that mini slayer?"

"No. Her parents are already moving as of last night when I told them about the upcoming one. I've blatantly handed them identification manuals in the past." Hill nodded at that. "Otherwise, no. They'd probably complain and my next time working near them would be harder."

She nodded again at that. "I can send some SHIELD agents to help that particular battle. You're too valuable to get ebola. No one else is going to do what you do."

"Giles is trying to get me some backup," he quipped with a smirk. "The disease isn't near the border. The border's set about twenty miles from the nearest quarantined town."

"I realize that but I'd rather not have you do that. Are you all right?"

"Yeah. One of the demons had a poison on his skin. I've taken the antidote but I'm having a bit of swelling. I'll swell for the next two days, ache a bit, and be better. Like the last time."

"You got poisoned before?" Stark demanded, glaring at him.

"Yeah, and took an antidote, and went back to life. The first time was back in high school. I still had to go to classes, do my after school job so I had money, and then go on patrol the next night, Stark. I've had this one before and had a battle the next night. It wasn't an easy one to do but it had to get done."

"Hell no," Rogers said. "Can we fight that next battle for you, Harris?"

Xander shook his head slowly. "You'd need laser weapons. I'm borrowing a few from Wakanda."

"I can ask the princess if we can do it for you so you can heal."

"I'm fine!"

"Harris, stop," Hawkeye said, staring at him. "Even you need healing time and we're conveniently nearby so we can do the heroic stuff while you heal. You can run in to save us if you need to but right now it's more important that you heal. The girls would hate to replace you with your zombie."

"Only two could make zombies. One's aunt could do the spells. The other has a sister that can do magic." He considered it. "Or Willow."

Pietro sped over suddenly and knocked him out. "Well, now I see my future." He sat down, glaring at Rogers and Stark. "We're doing it for him?" Rogers nodded. "How do I help with that?"

"Rush up and stab then retreat," Hawkeye said. That got a nod. "Hill, can we have intel on that?"

"Gladly. I'll send backup agents with you. That'll make his myths bigger because it takes more than him but it'll be safer." She made that note and orders. Then she looked at the others. "Do not catch a single thing." They nodded. "When you get back, a week of quarantine at the new facility just in case you managed to get something." They nodded again. "*Please* make sure you don't catch ebola." She looked at Harris then behind her. "Get a medic to check him over," she called. "He's taken the antidote for the poison but he's swelling. He insists it's normal but he's a man so therefore being a tough guy."

The agents helping her nodded, getting their medic in to check Harris over first then the others. "All right. Do what you can. That control box facility was found." She handed that file to Rogers. "If you can before? If not, tell me and I'll send another team." She nodded. "Have a good rest, people." She left them to heal, figure things out, and nag Harris. Maybe hearing from older heroic sorts would help straighten Harris out, but she doubted it. It might just reinforce the bad habits.

Stark took the file to look over. "We can send a jammer down and stop that tomorrow since most of us aren't injured." That got a mass nod so they could figure out how to handle it. Xander woke up and swatted at the medics but they knocked him back out. "He's been seeing healers at a demon goddess's temple further south. Isor or something like that from the gossip going around."

"D'Isor," Clint corrected with a smirk for the medics. "She's a love goddess about four countries to the south and a few west."

"We can check with her people and possibly drop him there," the medic said. "His truck as well since we know he depends on it." That got a nod from the team. They could find the goddess' people hopefully easily enough. Rogers helped them get Harris out to the jet to be taken down south then came back to get into the planning.

***

The demons in Cleveland heard from the ones down where the last battle had been. It was worrying that the Knight hadn't been at the battle, but they heard he had been forced to the healers. They decided to counteract the threat of having Harris become the head of an agency. They started rumors about who could take over reasonably and the humans would appreciate that. It got back through their human contacts, who told their friends, and online, and it came up to a whole new network of plotting.

In Washington, DC, the president's people were seeing that trending topic and looked into it. Maybe he'd go with that plan instead of that hunter guy? One brought it to him. "Sir?" He looked up from watching Fox News. "Sir, people are suggesting that someone take over SHIELD due to her involvement in a battle that the hunter you've mentioned couldn't get to." She let him see the file she had brought in. "She runs a major company, has helped heros in the past, and was in the battle when her boyfriend got knocked out for a bit. It's said she's the sort of woman who can stop any argument with a pointed look and a kick from a high heeled shoe."

He considered it. "Why her?"

"The demon communities were bragging that she had done very good taking the place of that hunter, who is apparently under the care of some sort of healer. They admire her as a role model for slayers that are ready to retire. She has a lot of support from the people."

He nodded. "I'll consider it." The underling nodded and went back to her desk. He looked up the trending information. The people were excited about that. He called one of his advisors that had made it through the demonic deal outing. "The people are pushing me to name a female head of SHIELD." He listened to why it was a good idea using the former second-in-command. "No, the people want Potts." He listened to why that wasn't a bad idea but it wasn't perfect and Hill would be better. She had basically ran it before. She was used to working with the heroic sorts. So he'd have to consider that. It would make him look progressive to name a woman to something again.

***

In Africa, Natasha was looking at her phone, frowning. "What?" she muttered.

Clint pulled out his phone to look. "Oh, dear. Pepper, you need to yell at someone who wants you to be the next director of SHIELD," he announced. "Save a hunter, use an executive is trending."

"Excuse me?" she demanded. Natasha let her have her phone. "How on earth!" She let Natasha find out how it started. "No! I'm flattered but no. Thank you anyway." She used the phone to make a statement that she was flattered by the request, she had too much to do with SI and helping Tony Stark build a great future for everyone to take over an intelligence agency. She thanked them for realizing she could do the job well but she was too busy daily to do that. She suggested that they nominate someone like Natasha or Clint. She handed the phone back once she had uploaded the statement and went to tell Tony that new crackhead plan. He burst out laughing but hugged her to calm her down.

Natasha made sure Hill spotted that remark by tagging her into a reblog of it with a few more agents. They could stop this new plot very quickly hopefully. Before someone named her.

***

In New York, Maria Hill got the announcement she was tagged into a tweet, opening her twitter app to look at the note. Then she groaned and sighed. "Damn it." She put her phone down before she threw it and went to get a drink. It was time for a drink. She wasn't going to become an alcoholic but sometimes you just needed a drink.

A private message showed up. It was from a guy in a red and black spandex who said they had both been suggested against their wills by the guy in Africa trying to avoid being nominated to run SHIELD. She answered back that the demons had nominated Potts, and Potts had nominated her, but if it saved humanity from Xander Harris running SHIELD like he did the slayers, it might be worth it. The guy sent back a laughing unicorn emoji but quit after that. Yup, definitely time for a drink.

***

Xander hopped out of his truck, running toward the cave system. "Don't go in there!" he shouted. "Faith, no!" She was struggling but was tied up. She finally got one arm free and batted at the people trying to force her into the cave. "Fuck this shit. Herbert! I need to call in that wish! Move Faith now!" he yelled, punching the first idiot he got to. The demon showed up and snatched Faith, taking her with him.

If she had to get free, she could do it from there. Xander got the other three down, glaring at them. "I don't care if you don't like the slayers!" he shouted. "Destroying all of them means that you all have to do it on your own. I'm not going to save your asses when some demon manages to win their plots. Not another invasion would be won. Nothing will save you all." He glared at them, hands on his hips. Herbert came back. "She okay?"

"Bruised. Pissed as hell. Is this the cave?"

Xander smirked at him. "Ask me that when there's no viewers, Herbert." The demon nodded, leaning into the cave to look then he moaned. "Yeah. Exactly." He looked at the demon. One of the idiots tried to get up so Xander stabbed him this time. He went down with a scream and the idiot rolled around but stayed down this time.

Herbert backed out of the cave, staring at Xander. "I think we may have a problem."

"Yeah, I had to yell. It probably woke them up." He sighed. "I have no idea what to do with your sort." He tapped his fingers on his hips. "Fuck it. Let me call the idiots in SHIELD," he muttered, finding his phone to call them. "It's Watcher Xander Harris. I just had to stop five idiots who had Slayer Faith hostage to force her into a cave they believed held the remains of the First Slayer to take them all out," he reported. "We have three idiots and a stabbed idiot who *really* need to be arrested and I'm in the middle of no man's land here." He rubbed his forehead. "Please. Yeah, I'd love for you to handle it for me." He grinned at Herbert. "No, I called in a debt to save Faith. She's somewhere but probably safer than I am at the moment. Yes, that's my location. Sure, you can send Fury's little boys. Thank you." He hung up and looked at the demon queen staring at him from the cave. "Sorry to have woken you up. They thought this was the cave where they created the slayer line and were trying to force a present one into it."

The demon queen came out, standing up straight to stretch up. She was about seven foot tall. Dark green, looked like she was wearing Indian clothes and jewelry. "Why are you on this continent?"

"I'm Xander Harris, head watcher in Africa, ma'am. I have a bunch of baby slayers I'm helping learn how to handle things when they're of age, with their families." He turned to look at her. "We've rebuilt the bad ideas they used to have," he said quietly. "My girls are all girls and expected to be girls."

She nodded. "That's a good thing. The last ones gave me bad dreams."

"They gave some of us nightmares," Xander agreed, grinning some. "Then we had the First Evil show up." She shuddered and held up a hand. "We're sorry to have woken you. They didn't expect you to be in there."

"That's clear to me." She looked at them then at him. "Now what do you have planned?"

"I was going to have them arrested and tried by someone who can show them how stupid they are. I'm going to see if there's something I can do so you can go back to a more pleasant sleep and perhaps close the opening to the cave so you can't be bothered against your will again. Then I'm going to go have a beer." She laughed, a harsher sound but she looked amused. "It's a Miller sorta day, ma'am."

She nodded again. "I can see how that would be." She looked at the idiots. "I know ones who would happily ruin them but those same sort hate slayers being around."

"And yet, there's evil who try things like invading this plane, ma'am. The new slayers only take out those who cause harm."

She tipped her head. "Which is a good thing. Much better than it had been," she agreed. "They would still hate this and you for helping them."

"Yeah, I got told that when I stumbled into the city of Golden Arches." She moaned. "I had malaria. I stumbled into it then out of it very fast when I realized I was in a hidden demon enclave. Though I did apologize to the guards that came for me. They were...amused."

She smirked a tiny bit at him. "So am I, Hunter."

Xander shrugged. "I do what I do so tiny little girls don't get forced to. I'd never want the earth to end because some beings had evil ideas." A helicopter was coming in to land near them. "That's probably the agents here for them. Is there something I can do to help you go back to a more peaceful sleep? Or something to help you guard your doorway?"

She grimaced. "Don't block it. I do need air flow." He nodded at that. "I can grow a plant or something. I used to have trees shielding the entry." She looked around. "Then again, I used to have grass."

He nodded. "We've had some problems with droughts in this area of the country," Herbert said. "It's been a problem for everyone, m'lady."

She nodded. "I can see how that happens." She looked at the agents coming out of the helicopter. Then at Xander. "I could use a bit of help to get back there."

"Okay." Xander looked at the agents. "Guys, they were trying to force Faith into what they thought was the cave where slayers were created. That would probably end the slayer line. I had Faith saved by Herbert," he said with a point at him. "But we woke up this great lady so I'm going to help her go back to sleep if you'll please arrest those idiots?"

"We can do that, Harris," one of the agents said. "Are you an agent?"

Xander grinned. "Head Watcher on this whole continent. You guys just sat there and made me deal with things that you should've done." The agents all groaned but gathered the idiots to haul off. Xander walked the goddess back into her bedroom, tucking her back in and humming a bit as he straightened up things for her. Then he backed out and moved a few bigger stones to not block off the cave's entry fully but to shield it a lot so it looked like a tiny hole instead. She giggled at that but he bowed and looked at Herbert. "So," he said. "Faith okay?"

"I took her to the poker hall."

"That's cool. I'll be there in about two days? Let me go get really drunk?"

"She'd probably appreciate that." He patted Xander on the back. "How did you find that city?"

"I stumbled into it while I had a really high fever."

"That figures. Go get drunk, Xander." Xander nodded, heading for his truck. Herbert covered up the blood on the ground by kicking dust over it then he went to report to the higher ups in the area. This was an interesting, bad thing that may have been started.

***

Two days later, Xander sat down in front of the hidden watcher, Undersecretary Waller, with Faith taking the other free seat. "So," he said with a grin.

"What did you do?" Waller asked calmly and quietly. "And why did Faith need to come back? I haven't heard anything too bad happening."

Faith handed over the report with a smirk. Xander handed over his. "There were some great idiots," Faith told him.

Waller read them, staring at the boy. "You woke up who?" he demanded in a hiss.

"She's back to her rest. I partially hid the cave entry for her. Herbert was there because I called in a poker debt to save Faith." Faith nodded. "Then he came back to help while I called SHIELD in to handle those morons."

"We still have one girl missing," Faith said. "We're not sure where. We think down here."

"She's in New Guinea," Xander told her. "A sometimes friend found her and rescued her." He smirked at her then at Waller. "They thought it was the slayer cave."

"Clearly." He stared at him. "Have you told Rupert?"

"Do I really want to hear the swearing?" Xander quipped back. "Faith needs help getting home too."

He nodded. "I can process that," Waller agreed, looking at her. "Do you have a passport?" She shrugged. "I'll ask Rupert. Xander, when are you telling him?"

"I'm not even faxing that because I don't want to hear the nagging from the two females that presently have him under nagging. Because I know very well Giles will hand me to them to get away from Buffy and Willow." He gave him a pointed look. "You have a fax though. And my phone's off for the next week until I pay a bill."

Waller sighed. "I fear he will come down to scream at us all."

"I have reports he's never seen that would make him scream about other things," Xander offered. "Including me having malaria and tripping into a mystical city." Faith moaned. He grinned at her. Then at Waller. "That I have to go back to so I can hand over a treasure I found last week."

"What treasure? Or should I even ask?" Xander got up and went to his truck, coming back with a heavy wooden box painted black with a dark cloth over it. Waller felt the power and shivered. "That's...probably dangerous?" Xander let him lift up a corner of the lid under the fabric. "That's very dangerous. Shit, boy!"

Xander sat down with the box in his lap, patting the fabric. "I'm sending it back to their people. It's not that far from here."

Waller just nodded. "Please do and I'll fax this to Rupert and arrange for Faith to get safely home while they take you out for it. That should not be near humans."

"And then again, he's got mermaid taint," Faith injected with a grin. She shrugged when Waller stared at her. "Sunnydale was like that."

"Yes it was," Xander agreed.

Waller squeezed his eyes shut but nodded once. "Please give that back with the Council's respects, Harris. I'll handle the others and make sure Rupert wants to give you some help." Xander grinned, getting up to hug Faith and then head out to his truck. He looked at her. "Hopefully they won't feel that tainting you. We'll get you home in a moment, Faith."

"That's fine. I'm good. X got me a few extra pairs of panties and bras so I can change clothes."

"That's good of him." He turned on his computer to get into his video conferencing software. He cleared his throat when Willow showed up on the other end. "Get Rupert for me, Rosenburg. I'm arranging to get Faith home from where she had been taken."

"She's what?" she demanded. "We thought she went on vacation."

"Not with the ropes I ended up in, and there's no bikinis," Faith said loudly enough to be heard.

Willow turned her head. "Giles, it's Waller and Faith." She got out of the way.

Waller waved a hand. "Harris rescued her when someone had snatched her to force her into the First Slayer's cave. Though they picked the wrong cave. So you have two reports coming by fax once you get her off it." Giles said something quietly to Willow, making her huff off. Waller sent them from his in-office fax. "Does Faith have a passport?"

"Yes, all the senior girls have one. I'm not sure if hers is in date or not however."

"That's fine. I'll get her home as soon as I can. Harris was very good to rescue her and put the other being back to sleep."

Giles grabbed the reports to look over, one eyebrow going up. Then he got the second report and burst out swearing. "Exactly. Right now, he's taking an unholy relic back to their mystical city to guard it themselves. From the small sliver I saw, it's a decorated skull being kept in the dark."

"The one they taught us in Dangerous Artifacts 2?" Giles demanded.

"I believe the other one," he said.

"Who is he giving it to?"

"Their people. He stumbled into the city when he had malaria by what he told me." He smirked a tiny bit. "I don't have a single report on that and he said his phone was off for two weeks thanks to needing to pay the bill."

"He'd never do that to the slayers he's watching," Giles said with a grimace.

"They've got calling stones," Faith called.

"Oh, all right." Giles cleared his throat. "Do tell him I want a report. A full report. On every single thing he's run into, seen, and all that down there. And this being?"

"Asleep," Faith called. "He tucked her in and helped hide her cave's opening."

"Well." Giles just nodded once. "We'll talk to the boy in a few hours. Faith, do relax for a few days while they work on getting you home. I'll have Buffy call your friend you have lunch with on Thursdays." He took off his glasses. "Thank you for telling me, Waller. Have a safe, calmer day?"

"I do try. You as well, Rupert." He hung up and smirked at the slayer. "This is why we nominated him to head the group when we rebuilt. It's his children who do insane things that we'd have to deal with otherwise." She burst out giggling. "At least you don't give us all that much stress, Faith. Summers ends up being a well of stress thanks to her clothing issues." He pulled out paperwork to start the process of getting Faith home. She came over to fill out the personal things he didn't know. Hopefully it'd be all right again in a few days and he could go back to his less interesting life.

***

Xander looked at the city's guards that came out when he parked. He got out of the truck and grabbed the box from the back and two small velvet bags. He walked over, holding up the box first. "I was rescuing a friend from some idiots down south and found they had stolen artifacts from your people. I'm returning them with the Council's respects and hope you guys don't need more of them rescued. Is there a priestess around somewhere?"

"They would not want to talk to a human, especially a watcher."

"Yeah, well, we rebuilt it. I can always take the Goddess' earrings to sell for weapons for the next invasion if they want." He held up one of the bags with a grin. "Or I can be a respectful asshole and hand them back their things?"

One of the guards went into the city and came back with an elderly crone of a demon. "Him, Priestess."

Xander bowed, not looking at her. "Priestess, I bring these artifacts back with the Council's respects. I found them when rescuing someone." He held out the box first. "That I know should be in a special containment box but that was what they had it stored in."

She touched it and hummed. "Very strong."

He grinned slightly at her chest area. Looking at her face was beyond rude as he had been taught. "It's a decorated skull, Priestess. I peeked to see what it was, but kept it in the dark, and so did one of our other watchers to see what it was." She grimaced but nodded once. "The other two of the three things I rescued were in a simple box but inside these bags. The other disappeared when I was near Numara." He held out the two bags. "One's earrings by feel through the bag. The other seems to be a head piece."

She handed a guard the box, letting him step back and kneel down to hold it closer to the ground. She opened one of the bags and gasped at what came out. "Indeed, that is Her headpiece and a piece of her veil." She looked at him then at the other bag's contents. Two earrings. "Her secondary set."

Xander glanced up at her chest again. "I did not open them, but I'm aware of what earrings felt like. The cache of other artifacts were lesser things. I brought the whole group to Lady D'Isor's temple to have her priests sort it for anything too dangerous that needed handed back. I was paused on the way here by having to rescue one of the girls from being forced into a cave."

"Their cave?" the priestess asked.

"They thought so but it ended up waking Goddess Ara instead." He shrugged a tiny bit, shrinking down again. "I helped her get back to sleep and slightly hid her cave's entry for her but did not block it up on her."

"That's kind of you, Hunter."

He glanced up again. "I'm the head Watcher in Africa, ma'am. I'm doing the job for the baby slayers until they're adults and able to make the choice for themselves."

"We've seen," she admitted. "It's honorable and noble. You're not human."

"I was born in Sunnydale, almost on top of that hellmouth, ma'am. And got exposed to mermaid essence in high school."

"We've seen that as well," she said dryly. "I thank you for this service. Do you ask reparation?"

"Nope." He stood up straighter. "It's yours, it should be with your people. It's not for my people to have that stuff. That sort of colonizing behavior is super wrong and evil. I only fight evil things."

She patted him on the head. "Good human." She limped off. "Thank you and you should forget where we are."

"I would but one of my baby slayers keeps visiting the gardens." She stopped and turned to stare at him. He didn't look up but shrugged at her harsh look. "Sara is one of my minis, ma'am. That's why I keep telling her to stay out of the garden."

"She's a winsome child but the Goddess does like her."

"Her mother would be quite loud but if the Goddess wills then she needs to explain that to her own mother. That way I'm out of beating range."

She laughed. "Indeed. I'll talk to her when she shows up next time." She and the guards went into the city.

Xander got into his truck, then got out and found the other bag, going to lay it outside the gate. "It came back suddenly," he called then ran back to the truck and drove off again.

The guard got the other bag to hand to her. She looked and moaned in pleasure. "At least he was honest and not seeking favors," she decided. A young human girl ran up to her grinning and hugged her. "Why are you out of the garden?"

"I heard Xander's truck and him, and felt his axe." She beamed up at her. "And the necklace looking thingy is loud."

The priestess sighed. "We will go talk to her mother later, child."

"Yes, ma'am." She walked with the priestess. The box tried to move so Sara swatted it. "Bad head! Be better around the priestess!" It quit wiggling. She grinned at the guards. "It's mean! I was told that mean things were bad. Just like my brother is because he's mean." The priestess sighed but nodded, taking the baby slayer with her back to the temple. As the Goddess willed.

***

Xander's phone, which was supposed to be paid for by the Council but was out of minutes, turned itself on and rang. He looked at it then nodded as he parked and answered it. "Yeah?" A picture came up. "Hey, Giles. Did you guys finally remember you're supposed to be paying the phone bill again?"

"We are?"

"You pay for everyone else's but mine. So I'm assuming you were."

"Hmm. I have no idea. I'll look into that in a minute."

"And my missing paychecks for the last two months too?" he asked with a slight smile.

"Yes, of course. About this report...."

"And the girls' patrol paychecks?"

Giles huffed. "I'll look into all that in a moment, Xander. This report?"

"Which?"

"The cave with the demon queen?"

"Goddess Ara? She's napping again. I helped hide the cave's entry with a few rocks to make it look like it's not usable by people. I woke her up by yelling at the people who had Faith tied up and trying to force her into the cave. I tucked her back in, made sure she had some sealed water in her jug again, and made sure she was comfy before going to hide her entry for her and then go get Faith from the poker hall and get drunk for a few hours."

Giles blinked, taking off his glasses. "Excuse me?"

"What did you want me to do? I even apologized. I was politer than usual."

Giles blinked at him again. "I..." He cleared his throat and put on his glasses again. "I see. Do you perhaps need some mental health care?"

"No. I'm okay. Just a bit stressed since Sara's apparently been summoned to help the Goddess of Maranka. She keeps sneaking into her garden."

"That's a myth!" Giles complained loudly.

"Yeah, so was the skull I just had to give back and some jewelry," he shot back with a grin. "I was very polite and minded all my manners while handing them to a priestess."

"What.... a skull and what?"

"Felt like a necklace you wear on your head and a pair of earrings she identified as her second set."

Giles looked at his shelves, getting up to grab a book and come back, holding up a picture. "Hers?"

"I didn't look. I felt the power, but I only peeked at the skull to see what it was. I felt the power on the other ones."

Giles put the book down as softly as he could and stared at the boy who was like his son sometimes. Today... "Did you perhaps run into someone like Ethan, Xander?"

"No. I was rescuing Sara's older sister from a group and found the artifacts there. I brought them all to Goddess D'Isor's temple to see if anything was too big or dangerous. They told me what the jewelry probably was. There was a third thing but it disappeared when I drove past Numara last time. It reappeared after the priestess went in so I left it outside the gates and left to be polite."

Giles rubbed his forehead. "I want a report, Xander. On every single little thing you've done. Even your lovers in case it comes up and I have to find one to rescue you." He stared at the camera. "Am I clear?"

Xander nodded. "Let me get near a computer tomorrow. I'm not going to be near a library or source of computer service for at least sixteen hours of driving, Giles."

"You have a laptop."

"It got destroyed months ago when it got blown up in my truck. I put that in the report."

"I need to look at those apparently."

"And a few other things," Xander quipped. "Tonight I'm going to camp. Tomorrow sometime I'll get near a library." He waved and hung up.

Rupert got up to get a drink and go to the library. He handed those two reports to the one who handled the Book of Problems. And the not-very-hidden book of Xander Problems. "I'm getting other reports tomorrow because apparently there's been things that we haven't been told." He walked off with his bottle of stout.

"I wonder what the boy did this time," the watcher muttered as he read so he could make appropriate notes. What he saw made him scream in outrage. "He did what?" he demanded. He went to share that with the other old line watchers. They were all horrified.

Harris really had to be retrained to be a proper human being!

***

Giles got the rest of the reports and had to reread them a few times. Once he had to take a nap to stop the headache but he came back to it after the short nap. The other set that came in, because the whole set was too large to email at once apparently, wasn't much better. He finally got down to the last one on the hand over and that was clearly the nicest thing that had happened. He walked the printed reports to the meeting the other old line watchers were having about the boy.

"Because we cut off his support in all ways, including his paychecks," he said with a glare for one of them. "And his phone access, we were not aware of any of these." He put them down so they could read them. "At least he could handle those very...important events without us. Though that is a problem I would not like to see anyone else have, gentlemen and ladies. Including our watcher in Africa from now on. Do fix it for me before I have to recall him here for some time training the girls in residence." He walked off. "He is our second-in-command after all. You all decided on him instead of Willow," he reminded at the first spluttering. Then Giles went to lock himself in his suite and moan about the boy's problems in all meanings of the word.

Downstairs, the old liners were sharing the reports around and moaning about it. It did fill in some odd gaps in the book of Xander Problems. And created a lot more stress. What the boy would've done if he hadn't had to improvise....they'd hopefully never know because changing history would probably cause them all harm.

Buffy leaned into the room they were using. "Is that what Xander was doing recently? The local poker circuit called him really brave to have dared to hand things back but sweet for doing it." That report got handed to her. She read it and frowned. "Um...."

"Very powerful demons, a hidden demon city, and they probably would've killed him," one of the watchers said simply. "He had balls handing them back but he nearly lost them for doing so. Also, there's a rumor that young Slayer Sara down there has met the same sort by sneaking into their garden."

"I'll have a talk with her about not sneaking into holy ground," Buffy said, handing the report off to go nag the girls about being good girls. Clearly Xander had forgotten a few lessons on how to be a good girl.

The watcher over the books stared at one extremely short report. "No comment on how I met Demon Goddess Andra or her consort Tahati," he read. "But they have agreed they would help any slayer that came to her temple to hide." He licked his lips then sighed. "Tahati isn't the consort of Andra the last I knew. He was with her aunt."

"Could our information be incorrect?" another asked, taking it to look at.

"We have first hand accounts of the wedding," the book watcher said. "Including pictures." They all scowled but they'd ask the boy for a clarification. Or one would ask one of the senior girls to ask the local poker circuit.

"How are we going to note this?"

"I'm going to have to add pages into his book," that watcher complained. "The other book as well." He was making notes for himself. He got handed one report from someone across the circle. He read it then held it out further to reread it. "I see." He put it down. "Is anyone else having problems making sure they don't crap themselves?"

"Yes," a few said quietly.

"He's had to improvise. We cut off his support so he had to improvise and taught the girls down there how to do the same." The one who had been their senior outside of Giles shifted in his seat. "We'll take this as the warning it is. Though I hope no one else is made like that boy, it is clearly a strong warning. The girls could use the improvisation skills for battles, and he is the best signpost of that."

Willow walked in to look at him. "Xander was born nearly on top of the Sunnydale hellmouth. Chaos seems to like him a lot. Even Ethan said so." She took the reports but they took them from her. "I can see! I do all the reports before you guys see them."

"Yes, and you edit them," the book watcher said.

"Besides, we don't want to see the fit you'll throw this time, Rosenburg. No one wants Africa to disappear in a hail of magic." She glared. He found one report and held it up. It'd take her some research to find out why that was bad but....she growled. "Exactly. He had to improvise."

She walked off groaning trying to call Xander. His phone was off and even turning it back on didn't make him answer it. She tried a compulsion but apparently he had put the phone down for a bit. She went to look up those names to see how bad it was. When she found out, she was even more mad but Xander still wouldn't answer his phone. She'd have to talk to him when he got back there for the upcoming meeting.

The other watchers sighed in pleasure when she went to be dangerous somewhere else. They had a big problem they had to work on. Would Harris act like a normal watcher if he was treated like one? Or had he been alone for too long down there?

Dawn walked in and stared at them. "We have a bigger problem. The president is still on his kick to get Xander to head SHIELD. He was talking about it today at one of his pep rallies."

The watchers shared a look then nodded and smiled at her. "We'll handle that for the boy too."

"Good! Because his last vision was the next battle he'll have and it'll be televised and problematic." She handed over a copy of that. "So...."

"We can figure that out," another one said. Dawn smirked and nodded. "Thank you, Dawn."

"Welcome. We'd hate to see what Xander would do with SHIELD behind him."

"Well, the world would be safe and the aliens he had to take out would probably leave us alone," the book watcher said sarcastically. "Do you know any of his lovers down there?"

"I know a great many of them. He sends some of them with stuff for us when they come back here. Why?" They showed her two reports. "She's dead," she said with a point at one of them. "Really, truly dead. That was the redhead that saved the minis in the mall." They groaned but nodded. "And the other is....I wanna say fedora guy that brings our postcards and birthday presents from down there." She handed it back with a grin. "He's nice enough, just a bit chilly."

"Good to know. Thank you, Dawn." She smiled and left them to their plotting.

"So we have him nearly starting a harem or a cult with his lovers and we have a whole network of armies down there that will come if he has an emergency." He looked at that vision report. "We have something worse than the First Evil's battle coming as well."

They got into that report first. Future problems had to come before historical problems that they were studying for insanity. Though, praying for the boy's sanity might just become a daily occurrence for a while. He clearly needed it.

***

Xander showed up at Waller's office at his command, grinning and flirting a bit with his secretary since he was on a call. She was giggling about it but was blushing some too. Even when her father sent her a text message saying she may not date Xander because she was not to turn evil. Xander rolled his eyes but grinned at her for that, making her giggle some more. Waller came to the door so Xander looked at him. "What's up? Am I being recalled to Cleveland to take over already because Giles drank himself into a hospital bed or because Willow magiced him again?"

"No, thankfully not, lad." He let Xander into his office. The boy, as usual, sprawled in his visitor's chair. "Rupert and I have been arguing with people all day and most of yesterday to keep you from being recalled to the US to testify before Congress."

Xander scowled. "What did I do that's that bad?"

"Not because of something, Xander. Because the ...man in charge has decided he's crushing on you."

"Again?" Xander demanded, sitting up straighter. "I've made it very clear I want nothing to do with him or his ideas or his crackhead theory that I'd like to do things for him. Really, if he doesn't stop, I'll be suggesting we move the battle I've got to handle in three days over there. Then he can see how heroic his people really aren't."

"Don't threaten to have a battle moved to the US. It's dangerous to say such things, especially in a government building." He gave him a pointed look. "Some see you as everything he isn't, which is good and what you are, but they think you'll help them straighten things up again."

"Yeah, I'd clean house and send a lot of people to therapy," Xander agreed with a nod. "And I'd arrest people for consorting with countries other than our allies." He grinned a tiny bit. "Beyond that, can't go anyway. We have a battle coming up in a few days."

"They are getting demanding."

"I've already turned them down repeatedly, Waller. Can you extend a 'no thank you' more politely than I have since they don't seem to see 'leave me alone' as one?"

"I've been trying. So has Rupert. The ...one in charge decided that you'd bring the slayers into SHIELD." Xander shook his head. "No, we know you wouldn't. That would endanger the girls."

"I might talk a few into becoming field watchers," Xander said, relaxing again by force. "But no. I don't want it, don't need it, and if they try, I'll have to bring the battle I'm in over there. With my girls. And their families." He grinned slightly. "You might mention I'd be a nightmare to guard with the prices on my head, both human and demonic, and the only reason they're not being called in is because no one else will handle battles down here for them.

"Anytime I take a day off, there's rumors of teams gathering to show up to take me out because I've retired. I had to point out even I need a vacation between battles to heal and forget some of the horrible things I've seen down here, mostly done by humans." He shifted to cross his feet. "Do they really want to see terrorists show up to take me out?"

"No, though a few of the old line watchers might be amused," Waller said dryly. "They went over those reports you held out." Xander grinned at that. "They were not amused, lad. I wouldn't smirk about those."

"Neither was I but thankfully I'm down here and Willow can't find me most of the time without my phone and Buffy can't fly down here to nag."

"Which is a good reason to hide down here. What is wrong with your phone this time?"

"They forgot to pay the bill. They pay the phone bills for all the other field watchers but me. My paycheck hasn't appeared in two months either." He gave him a pointed look. "I can go whining to one of my lovers down here but I might not make it to that battle if I do it beforehand. Afterward, most of them don't want to help me clean up injuries so I'd have a few weeks of needing to rest and hide. Camping with broken things or big injuries isn't all that great of an idea."

Waller grimaced. "They do that for me, why don't they do it for you?" Xander gave him a pointed look. "Oh. That reason." Xander nodded. "Why can't Rosenburg find you?"

"Protections I've got done in henna. She can track the GPS chip in my phone but not me." He grinned because he was starting to get that special tingle. "All except here because your office's protections cancel mine out." Yeah, that was heavy magic landing outside. "And I think she's here." Waller got up to look and nodded. "Laters," he said, climbing out a back window so he could go hop the wall. The Marines guarding the embassy gave him an odd look. "Rosenburg showed up to yell at me about being a man sort who did man sort of things." He climbed up and hopped over the wall then ran to his truck to disappear into the desert again.

One of the guards looked at his boss. "I think that's reasonable with the screaming she's doing," he noted. The guard commander nodded, going to make her quit yelling so loudly. It was rude and bothering others. Thankfully the undersecretary had tranq darted her so she was unconscious on his rug. He was calling someone to get her home so they just removed her to a quiet room to rest in. The commander asked who she was so Waller pulled up a video of a battle. That made a lot more sense to him.

***

Xander walked into the command tent for the upcoming battle, putting his axe and guns aside since they were all staring at him. "Yeah, I'm escaping Rosenburg again."

"She'll be here later with some of the slayers."

"Not likely since this one will kill women especially fast." He sent her an email and then got down to laying out how to handle this one. He was exhausted but that happened sometimes. Willow showed up anyway so he looked at her. "It'll kill and eat the women sorts." She growled. He shrugged. "It will. Look it up." He went back to the plans. "Do we have those tanks handily around still?"

"On standby about half a mile away. They're trying to scare off the reporters," one of the generals complained.

"Please let it work," Xander quipped back, grinning at him. "Before we end up having to save a few." They all nodded at that. "Okay, you guys seem to have all that you need. Including it looks like at least machetes?" They all nodded at that. "Great! So maybe I won't spend the next week in a tent with stitches." One of the generals patted him on the back. "You know my boyfriend and girlfriend sorts don't like seeing me anything but pretty and semi perfect."

"We know," another general said. "The slayers coming?"

"Can jump in but it's almost suicide until we get the higher ups gone. By then we'll need reinforcements anyway."

"I can take them out with a fire spell," Willow offered. "From behind the lines."

Xander grinned at her. "Has to be like plasma fire. The last time the incinerators for the parts they left behind didn't burn them. But sure, go ahead and try as long as you don't wear yourself out so you can evacuate the slayers if necessary, Willow." She nodded, looking up a more powerful fire spell on her phone for now. Xander blinked at the generals, who all smirked back. "Okay. Any idea if we'll have another one show up afterward to gloat and try to take their turn?"

"If so, the tanks are handy," the lead general said. "I hate that they do that."

"Me too," Xander quipped. "But sometimes it's D'Isor and she just shows up to nag." He grinned. "It's nice when she nags us guys about being guys." He got another pat on the shoulder and they went out to look over the area with the proto portal. Xander looked at Willow. "Do not draw on the nearest hellmouth," he said quietly. "It opens very easily and it's a traveling one but it's about two miles from a big town." She huffed but nodded. "You nearly did that before and then we would've had to go stop it." He gave her a pointed look. She nodded, pulling up other magic. "Thanks."

Goddess D'Isor showed up with a huff and handed Willow a glowing crystal, earning a squeal and a hug from her. "Thanks, Goddess D'Isor." He kissed her on the cheek. "You should go be safe. These ones want to eat women. You'd be a full banquet." She giggled and blushed but kissed him on the cheek to lay a blessing before leaving. He grinned at Willow. "She's super nice. Her healers are great and I see them once a year so they can check to see if I got more demon blood exposure."

"That's probably a good idea," she agreed calmly. "Who was she?"

"The Goddess D'Isor," the lead general said patiently. "She's shown up to baby him a few times." Xander grinned and nodded. "I have no idea how he came to her notice."

"The Powers That Be bragged about how Anya used to brag about me." Willow moaned and curled up as she squatted down to hold her head. "Yeah, had a few of those visits. Remember the hell goddess that showed up in that portal to have me break her in?" He walked off looking smug.

The general looked down at Willow. "She was a bit pouty but went home without much prompting when he pointed out he only screwed women with dating. We barely had to mess up her clothes when she showed up right after a battle. Thankfully. We were all tired and about out of ammo." He followed Xander so the witch could calm herself down and gather herself for the upcoming battle.

Willow sent Buffy an email about that and the fact that the demons ate women then put her phone up and centered herself with a prayer to the Goddess for Xander to find some sanity and nice girls he could date. The slayers might really mind him dating D'Isor.

***

When the reporters finally made it to the battle site, they saw a desperate battle going on and the one they were there to talk to trying to defend a witch. Then the guy punched the demon. The witch flamed him and the other higher demons. The lower ones screamed and some ran, some ran for the rest of humanity and were stopped by the tanks coming in, and the rest tried to avenge their fallen higher ups.

The local military wasn't in a great shape but then slayers appeared and they dove in to take the military's place. That made more of the lower demons scream and run, mostly for home. Then one more higher demon showed up through the portal and tried to take command. The witch tried to flame him but he just smirked because he had protections.

The hunter grabbed something from someone and fired it at the demon, making him laugh. Then shriek as the explosives set his shields on fire. The witch brought him down since he was distracted by ripping off the top of his skull. She muttered she had meant the whole head but that was good enough she guessed. The battle was over with shortly after that.

Xander was leaning down to catch his breath. He looked around. "Great timing, ladies," he called. "Thank you!" They waved back and Willow brought them home with her. Xander flopped down, not caring he was in some mud. "Damn."

A soldier came over to haul him up. "None of us should lay in demon blood, Watcher Harris."

"Point. You guys okay?"

"Mostly. I don't think we lost anyone outright." They helped the medics clear the field, ignoring the staring reporters. The generals could deal with them. That's why they got the bigger paychecks. Xander did get pulled into the medical tent once everyone else was in there. The two left in the field were dead and someone was going to gather them specially. Xander went to help with that since they only had two and it was a three person job. That got a nod and he went back to clean up and make sure he could limp into the sunset. The reporters were still staring at the battlefield so Xander got to sneak off.

The generals got tired of the staring reporters so finally went to run them off. The regular soldiers got to flee home before they got caught on camera. Their families might not like that they were at that battle but better them than the untrained sorts.

***

Rupert had been demanded to show up to talk to higher ups so he was there being his best staid British self. He was staring at one of the idiots who had made a soul deal, the man's marking was on his throat and easily seen if you had any sort of magical gift, and was confused why the man was mad. "I have no idea why you're so huffy," Rupert said patiently.

"The girls have fought many battles, including here in the US, that got minor press attention. No matter how much we'd like that trend to stop we can't do much about it with the way cameras are everywhere these days. Half the footage shown tends to be from city cameras instead of private sources." He stared at him. "Why would that bother you, Senator? We haven't had a battle in your state since before it was a state."

"We want your watcher to come in."

"I'm afraid Xander's rather busy right now helping the girls down there. We don't have anyone to spare him the work. Also, he has repeatedly told you no about someone wanting him to take up a higher position. He's even deigned to suggest someone else who could do the job better. Xander has never worked as an agent or intelligence official. He'd have no idea how to do such things. He's even said the first thing he would do is arrest anyone who's made a soul deal above a certain level of government and send a great many more agents to therapy first."

"He can't do that! It's not against the law!"

"Well, it rather is. It's covered under collusion by what one of my girls in law school wrote for an opinion paper. Her professor gave her quite high marks for that reasoning but pointed out she had other sources to draw from than personal experience and needed a more legal argument. Her follow up argument to that one was over sixty pages of reasonings in outline form." He smiled slightly. "She got highest marks for that one. We're quite proud."

The man glared at him. "We still need him to take charge of SHIELD."

"Xander would have no idea how to do such. He would also cause a crisis when he investigated things for real. Xander is not the political one in the Council. Nor does he want to be." He stared at him for a moment. "You might want to think about the impact that would have. The boy barely graduated high school, has no college degree, has been taking care of problems and demons in general since he was sixteen with my slayer and in Africa now for over five years. He would not allow such shoddiness. In fact, he's very much more like what you see of FDR in your history classes. Not the full thing as Xander is not in any way biased against anyone not harmful, but he is quite a lot like FDR was said to be."

"He took over a SHIELD unit."

"No, they had been rookies I believe they're called. They hadn't intervened when a mall bombing nearly took place even though it was their job and Xander had to help handle it as he was there at the time getting lunch and a new t-shirt. He got highly upset and made them deal with their own problems but let the local agents handle the base raid itself." He smiled slightly. "It was seen to be riding the line of appropriate but helpful as no one else had handled the problems." He tipped his head slightly and took off his glasses to clean them.

"Xander has no desire to be an agent. All he really wants is for his paychecks to come in on time and his baby slayers to be healthy until they're old women. It's what most of us in the New Council want." He put his glasses back on as he stood up. "I'll let him know that you still desire his presence but I doubt it'll be this week or month as he's presently in the middle of nowhere camping for a few vacation days. That way he can tell if some of the terrorists he had to rob to handle things are going to show up." He left the fuming other man and went back to his hotel to pack and go home. He was at the limits of his tact. Congress was definitely not the House of Commons and Lords. Though many did act like a queen.

The senator went to tell the others with this plot. They had to make that boy do their bidding in their wanted way. Even if they all had to retire suddenly due to their deals being noted, they couldn't get any higher anyway.

***

Xander walked into a demon poker hall and headed right to the back, knocking before walking into the back room. He sat down casually, looking at one of the higher demons on that continent. "I need to blow a debt but in a big way." He grinned slightly. "Because I'm really tired of them trying to make me fix their mistakes."

The demon winced. "The one that tried to attack D'Isor?"

"Who did that?" he demanded.

"Oh, not them? Um, the ones that aren't the group they want you to run?"

"I'll go ask her about that in a few hours, after we talk and I get lunch." He grinned again. "I want to blow the debt I have to your cousin to get the Big Book of Debts, Promises, and Sins released to a real news source for three weeks so they can shout about all the idiots who have deals in the US."

The demon blinked a few times and his color went from blue/gray to almost greenish. "That's.... that will cause quite a lot of stress."

"They're trying to make me head an intelligence agency full of people who think they're heros and who need therapy. Imagine that stress." He grinned again. "It can be a copy or only include their parts. Just a true listing of all the ones in the US governments that have deals or promises given to a real news source for three weeks."

"Someone like CNN?"

"I prefer BBC. They're neutral and outside the US so they can't really be shut down by the government having a panicky girl fit. It'd take a while for them to be shown that it was illegal."

The demon considered it. "I will ask my cousin if he will allow that for that debt."

Xander stood up. "If not, I've got to make a wish to put someone in the white house who'll handle things well and I sincerely doubt we'd want someone like Faith in there."

The demon's color went even more green and he shook his head quickly. "She's not old enough."

Xander leaned down with an insane grin. "She can start as speaker of the house. She'll make a great speaker of the house and move up from there as she ages." He beamed at him. "Don't you think?"

"I...think you need a rest, Hunter."

"I know but apparently I have to go visit D'Isor's temple tomorrow so I've got a bit of driving and the local McDonald's is horrible. There's better down south but not for a few hours."

"Hmmm. Get wings from the bar?"

"I love the Lovasa wings but I can't eat those one handed while I drive." He grinned. "Let me know?"

"Yes, I can do that. Have a good drive and get a decent lunch." Xander smiled as he walked off. The demon cleared his throat, looking at the others who had been playing against him. They just nodded. "It's interesting."

"Can we do both those ideas? I would adore seeing the Slayer Faith having to dress up all the time to do political things to fix their country. She managed it with the baby slayers."

That demon shivered. "That's more evil than you usually are. Were you tainted by a High One? I know you bow to one and if he tainted you we can probably help you weed it out." He pulled out his tiny claw phone to call his cousin and wife. She was over there bouncing on his tiny dick and he knew that but she was welcome to him and he was welcome to her. She was bad in the nest anyway. He spoke to his cousin, who spluttered, choked, and got yelled at by his wife for making a mess that way. News got spread around the local communities and into their online groups so they could be warned that the hunter was going slightly ....mad.

***

Xander strolled into D'Isor's temple. It was partially wrecked. He lifted a column out of his way and put it back against a cracked wall then went to the throne room where she was sobbing. He sighed and moved to hug her, making her swat at him. "It works best if you cry on someone," he said quietly. She cuddled him to sob on him. Finally she pulled herself back together. "Who did it? Let me go...talk to them."

She wiped her cheeks off with the back of her hand. "I don't know who they were, Xander." He took off his t-shirt to wipe her cheeks off. "Thank you."

He kissed her on the tip of the nose. "You didn't deserve this, D'Isor. You're a great woman and highly peaceful, plus you have a great benefit to the region. No one should've done this to you."

She flapped a hand. "The ones who've been attacking the locals chased one this way and called for the temple to be brought down."

"I'll deal with them. Are you injured?" She shook her head. "Then you should go rest and make redecorating plans. It means shopping but I know you're a woman at heart so that makes you slightly happy." She patted his cheek, going back to her hidden areas. Xander turned, looking at the priests. "Should've told me. I would've been down here sooner." They all sighed. "Who?"

"That base of humans," one said with a point. "They seem to revere some octopus loving god of some kind."

"HYDRA then. Okay. Where's the base?" They all shrugged. "Okay, I can handle that. You guys all good? Need me right now as a construction worker?" They shook their heads, a few looking down. "As a shaman?" That got a single nod. "Then let's do that. Then I'll go stomp their asses like they're alien Skrull." He let them lead him to the morgue section of the temple. He could bless the dead and send them on. One was D'Isor's high priest and he hated that. The man had been a good and kind one. He'd make sure he was avenged and followed into the afterlife with servants to see to his needs.

***

Xander found the hostages the base had and shot open the cage doors. "Go," he said with a point. "You've got five minutes to evacuate. Any double agents take with you." They nodded and dragged out the more normal hostages. He cleared the rest, but a Skrull, and then moved to take out the command center. He met resistance, he hadn't met much so far, but they were waiting on him. He patched into their announcement system. "This is Watcher Xander Harris, head watcher in Africa. You have done quite a lot of wrong on the peaceful beings in this region."

"What is it with heros and the PA system?" someone shouted.

Xander chuckled. "At least we're not monologuing types. We leave that for your type. Pity you won't get a chance." He set off the first few explosives and hurried out the hole he had made. "Bye now." He hung up the PA connection as he ran for his truck. The hostages were all gathered off to the side. He waved and whistled. "Get into the back of the truck. I can get you to town. There's a US embassy in the next city, about ten miles that way," he called with a point.

"Or they can call your people from town." They climbed in, making sure the two women were first. Someone came out shooting so Xander turned and shot him in the shoulder. "No. Bad human!" He got in to drive off. "At least it wasn't as nasty as the Skrull thing I had to keep handling." They got dropped off at the local police station, who were mostly straight. They could get them wherever they needed to. Xander went back to help the temple and the local peaceful places rebuild for a bit. He let the mini slayers know so they could send well wishes for healing and rebuilding. A few showed up to help them and the locals were happy with that.

***

Xander looked up as Waller walked into his office, shrugging some at his confused look. "HYDRA went after D'Isor's temple and the local peaceful group around her." Waller moaned as he sat down. "Pity about HYDRA." He stared at him then grinned. "You might have to help the embassy down there some since they've only got one secretary and they're a sub office. Not sure." He tossed over a folder. "Letters of thanks from the locals. A few of my minis came down to help them. Including one tiny one that showed up just to cuddle D'Isor because she was sad and she was too little to do more than that and help cook. She spent most of the last few days cuddling beings in the infirmary and in the temple."

"That's good of them. Why did you go after them?"

"They were attacking the locals," Xander said quietly. "They followed someone fleeing their attacks to the temple and took out her head priest." Waller winced. "I did my duty as a trained shaman to wish him well. They took out half the local community. Thankfully I found a few of them hostage so some of them got saved."

"Damn. That's going to be messy."

"HYDRA are terrorists, Waller."

"I know. I saw their acts in DC and with SHIELD." He stared at him. "Have you told any of them?"

"I don't have anyone's number. You do." He grinned. "Also that's so you can tell the higher ups about it. I didn't do a search for anything like files. I just blew the fuck outta them." He stood up. "I'm going to go back to my two days of remaining vacation in the local inn. Oh, have you looked at the BBC recently?" He left him to think about that and how to report that to both sets of his higher ups.

Waller read the report and sighed. He pulled the card out for those SHIELD people. "This is Watcher Waller. I have a report from some of my people on what happened to a HDYRA base." He listened to the spluttering. Someone else took the phone. "Oh, Dr. Fitz. Thank you for taking the call. Apparently there had been a HYDRA base that was bothering some peaceful community members and took out a temple to the Goddess D'Isor. It was solved by some of our sorts. Where should I send the report?"

He punched that into his fax machine and sent it. "There you go, Dr. Fitz. Do have a better day." He hung up and sent it to Rupert first and then his higher ups in the State Department. Then he got online to look at the BBC site. Which was mysteriously down. So he got into it on his magically powered phone. No, it wasn't down. Someone was trying to block the head story about important people who had done demonic deals for power. "Oh, dear," he sighed. He sent that at Rupert as well. Rupert might have to lock himself in the office to swear so the girls didn't hear. He'd wonder how that happened but it appeared Xander had something to do with that.

He did think to warn his superiors in the State Department in case they hadn't heard. That way no one would question his loyalty.

***

Faith walked out to shoo the reporters off. "People, and I use that term loosely, you know you can't be out here when the minis have to go to school! So shoo!"

"Slayer Faith, can you comment on the people who want to nominate you to be a congress member and Speaker of the House?" one reporter called. "The demons said someone wished!"

Faith blinked a few times. "Hell no! I don't want that! Who was that stupid! Is it the same ones that want our watcher to head SHIELD?"

"We're not sure he didn't do it," she called. "So no comment?"

"Hell no I'd do that! I don't need that stress! Or that pressure! Fuck no! And get away so the girls can catch their busses!" The reporters ran from Willow coming out. She stared at her. "What the hell!"

"From the rumors last night, Xander said if he's being forced to head SHIELD he'll wish you to be the Speaker of the House and then president." She patted her on the arm with a grin. "It's probably to save himself." Faith stomped inside to go sulk. Willow created a smoke screen for the girls so they could run for the busses. Then she went inside to watch the fits going on.

Giles was yelling about debts so apparently someone was gambling again. She wondered if they had lost weapons. She turned on the news, which was showing the talking portion with someone talking about politicians who owed demon debts. So that explained it. She turned it off and went to the library to get back to her private research.

Giles could deal with the political things. That's why he made the big bucks. And probably why he had been called to talk to a senator recently.

***

Giles walked the faxed reports into the library, going right to the watcher over the books of Problems. "We have one that has hidden things with what Xander's had to do?" he asked quietly. The guy nodded slowly. Giles handed over the reports. "He was avenging and helping the peaceful community down there, including the temple for D'Isor."

The watcher read it over then cleared his throat. "It's good that he helped them and the slayers down there went to help him and show their support by helping rebuild." He looked up. "Are we sure this should be in any of the books, Rupert? It might give some ideas."

"Some day, slayers may need to know that ideas are proper if they're helping people. Unlike his wish to have Faith become the Speaker of the House if they make Xander head SHIELD. Then she'd become president when she was of age."

The watcher gripped the table. "Excuse me?" Giles nodded, handing over the notes he had gotten from a local source. "Oh, dear. He's blown a debt to get that book out as well."

"Only the ones in the US, as asked, and it went to the BBC because they're more neutral toward US politics." He smiled slightly. "He told them to leave him alone. He had to handle it without support."

"We really do need to get Waller to support him more."

"He showed up to report that to Waller this morning and warned him about the BBC. Then I asked the local community's gossips." He shrugged. "It's ...creative."

"It's destructive in another way," the other watcher shot back but he was smiling. "He could come home."

"I'm afraid he's let us know that, while handling things, he had to go raid a few...not very pleasant groups to handle battles. So they want to kill him for that. Including the remains of a few that he tricked into handling the battles since he couldn't do it by himself." The watcher gripped the desk again, staring at him. "Indeed. Right now he's safe because no one else wants to handle huge demonic emergencies down there. If he should stop...."

"Understood. We'll work on giving him someone to back him up. Someone with sense. That way he's not alone with his truck and the baby slayers he trains." He smirked at his boss. "I'll spread this to the others so they quit trying to hamper him too."

"Please. It's amusing what he can do if he wants to. With the rest of his poker debts, there's no telling what he'll have to do next time something huge happens." He walked off. "I'd understand that being classified for the next five years."

"I can do that. Before Faith or your slayer get *ideas*." Willow came over to see. "No. It's now classified for five years."

"I help put in reports anyway." She snatched it to read, her eyes going wide. "He did what!" she demanded.

"What your slayer might've done to protect the peaceful beings. Only the boy likes explosions, like many boys these days do." She walked off to talk to Buffy and Faith, if they had pulled her out of her closet. He put that into the book then took it to talk to the other watchers. He turned on the tv to the station that got BBC reports. One pulled up their online page to put onto the tv when the news wasn't on.

He pointed. "Harris blew a poker debt because they wouldn't leave him alone and possibly a second to make a wish that if he is appointed Faith becomes the Speaker of the House and eventually president." He handed over the reports. "He had to get creative because he was also protecting some of the locals down there from terrorists." He walked off. "Rupert said that's classified for five years. It's in the book so you can burn it later."

They shared it around while looking at what the BBC had found. It was horrifying how many people in the upper levels of the US government had to retire suddenly. Thankfully the boy hadn't gone against the British government so that was all safe for a bit. Maybe someone would realize that the boy kept acting out to get away from their desires. Hopefully soon before martial law was ordered by the Pentagon.

***

Jane Foster walked her assistant and a hostage they had tied up into the safe house she had been at before. She flopped down to call for SHIELD to show up but Coulson walked out of the kitchen with a mug of coffee.

"Oh, blessed Goddess," Darcy said, taking the cup to sip. "You rock, Agent i-Pod thief. Thank you."

He looked at the tied up man. "You...."

"Has the patch thingy," Darcy said quickly. "And he's injured. He was so injured he was babbling." She drank half the cup of coffee, handing the rest to Jane when Jane pouted. "I'll go make more." She took back the empty cup to go make more coffee.

Phil Coulson looked at Brock Rumlow. "You were a triple agent?" He nodded slowly. "To whom do you answer?"

"Fury himself. I have an identification chip in my left side, sitting against my third rib."

Phil nodded, coming over to check it from his phone. "I see." He sent Fury a text message with a picture. He got back a 'yes he was'. "Nick said you were." He untied him. "Why did you go after Dr. Foster and Miss Lewis?"

"Someone decided to blow up the base we were using. They were hostages. I was hoping she could get me back to one of you, Coulson. How long have you been alive?"

"Mostly all along. Fury." That got a nod and a grimace. "What happened?"

"The first we knew, some white guy showed up and got into the PA system and told us we shouldn't bother peaceful people then blew the fuck out of the base."

Jane leaned out with a grin. "We were in the nearest town and they praised Watcher Harris for helping rebuild the things that some HYDRA agents ruined, like a temple. He admitted he didn't know they had hostages until he found them and let us escape before he blew it up." She went back into the kitchen.

Darcy came out with three cups, handing out the spares. "He also led the town's peaceful demon group in mourning prayers and rebirth prayers. He studied with some of the groups he's worked with while native."

"That was Harris?" Rumlow demanded with a point. Darcy grinned and nodded. "You're sure?"

"Yup. We ran into him before," she admitted with a grin. "I flirted with him but he said I wasn't dangerous enough for him. I was just tipsy." She smiled. "He's a nice enough guy."

"He was when I talked to him as well," Coulson admitted. "It does not surprise me any that he could blow a base. He did to many Skrull installations and also to the group that he had to stop from bombing a mall." He sipped his coffee. "Nicely done, Lewis."

"Thanks." She went back into the back of the house. "It was cool that his baby slayers showed up to help the local community rebuild too."

"It was very nice of them," Coulson agreed. "I wonder if that was before or after he asked someone to release the names of all the demon debted politicians in the US to the BBC." He took another drink. Rumlow groaned and sat down. "Yes, which is why the President wanted him to take over SHIELD."

"Is Fury still in charge?" Coulson waved a hand while sipping his coffee. "Okay. At least you know what you're doing and you're not an asshole like he was." He looked into the back then at him again. "Are they normal?" he asked quietly with a point.

"For them, yes. Many scientists are like that." He stared at him. "I want a full debrief on what you've found."

"Gladly. I was sent to that one after that one group with the control chips got taken out."

"That was good work." He stared at him. "Do you have documentation?"

"Very little but it's in a safe drop online." He pulled out his phone to access it and hand it over. Coulson sat down to sip coffee and read it while Rumlow got ready for his debrief and calmed down. He had spent three days with Lewis and Foster so he was probably a bit jumpy.

***

Nick Fury showed up at the safe house that night around midnight. People were still up. Jane was scribbling math stuff at the kitchen table. Rumlow had succumbed to eating enough to rest. Coulson was still going over the files he had brought out. Fury stared at his co-head. "Why is Harris the most dangerous being to SHIELD?"

"Because he doesn't want to be one of us so we're making him fight us back," Coulson said simply, handing over his notes. "He wouldn't have blown a debt to get intel to the BBC if we weren't forcing him to react. Or, from the rumors, to make Slayer Faith the future president."

Fury shuddered. "That's a bad thing." He went back to his reading. "He good?"

"Injured. Resting. Miss Lewis fed him into a nap."

"She's like that and that's not a bad thing sometimes." He handed the notes back. "Where do we stand now?"

"That base is rubble by the satellites. They abandoned it for another one. I sent that to you earlier."

"I sent agents to scope it out. Two extremely large, toothy demons were stomping on the remains of it saying they would not allow them to take out baby slayers or the peaceful sorts who just wanted a real life." Coulson smiled at that news. "Any idea on any of the heads?"

"Zimbabwe," Rumlow said from the doorway. "Fury."

"You made it."

Rumlow nodded. "I was going to evacuate a few of the hostages under cover of recapturing them and got tied up by Lewis and Foster."

"Foster could probably create a problem that would give us all fits."

"She did, sir. She had fiddled with a portal thing and it was sucking in agents to an unknown location."

"They were idiots so they went to a hell realm, hopefully the one with the germ puppies," Jane called from her room. "Then Harris walked up and unplugged it on me."

"Pity. The germ puppy was cute and could probably use more new friends," Darcy said, coming to the doorway to smile at Fury. "It was really nice of Xander to rescue us when he was avenging them taking out some of the peaceful sorts."

"It was," Nick Fury agreed. Mostly to keep himself from being tazed by the spunky brunette. "Any idea where he is now?"

"Probably still helping rebuild," she admitted. "Some of his baby slayers came to help too."

"That's good of them," Coulson said. "She flirted with Harris once but he said she was too tipsy."

"I knew she was dangerous when she had to be," Fury quipped. He looked at Rumlow. "Debriefing?" Coulson handed over an audio recorder. "Thank you. Are you coming in?"

"No, sir. They'll definitely track me."

"You can sign on to be a watcher," Darcy quipped with a smirk for him. "I'm sure you can handle a sword and artillery and all the other things they do."

He looked at her. "They'd never trust me around vulnerable girls, Lewis."

"Not like they aren't desperate. Especially in this area since it's only Harris and one watcher who does State Department work," Coulson admitted. "Harris has proven what he's able to do when he's not supported. They quit paying him for over two months," he told Fury, who shuddered. "Exactly. He's got no help, not a lot of support, and there's prices on his head from having to get groups to defend themselves a few times." He smirked slightly. "It was pretty when a Taliban sub-group had to defend their village from something huge. But better them than a school."

Fury just nodded. "I had to take down the posters a few people made of him."

"And just think, they want him to head SHIELD," Darcy quipped with a smirk for them.

"You need a nap," Rumlow told her. "He'd ruin things."

"Actually he said first thing he'd do is take out anyone who was doing illegal collusion or had a demon debt since that can be counted as collusion, and then he'd send most of the rest of SHIELD to therapy," she shot back with an evil little grin.

"SHIELD would turn into the CIA if we were normal, Lewis. Go rest." He pointed. "Really. Before you help him go evil."

"If he wanted to tap me, I might not mind," she admitted. "His rumors state he's fantastic in the sack."

Jane came out to haul her back in there. "By the kitten poker circuit he has phenomenal stamina thanks to battles and an ex girlfriend who wanted so much sex he almost never rested."

"You play kitten poker?" Fury demanded, hands going to his hips while he glared at her.

"Yeah! I wanted to find out about their portals and sciences from other realms." She smiled. "They're happy to talk to me and Darcy a lot. And math is still good for card counting when you're playing poker." She went back in there, shutting the door so the agents could talk without woman power.

Fury pointed. "If Harris takes over, we'll all be like Lewis."

"I've been handling things quietly," Coulson reminded him. "SHIELD really has to come out of the closet, Nick. Including you being alive." He walked off. "You should rest, Rumlow. We can't evacuate you for two days unless you go back with Fury."

"They'd probably decide you changed sides," Fury told him. He nodded he knew that. "Hill's with the Avengers."

"I'll try to make contact with her if I go back to the US, sir." He went back to bed. He'd need rest to deal with Foster and Lewis for two days without knocking the smirk off someone's face.

Coulson smiled at his former boss. "Could be worse."

"True. Harris could already be in charge and Lehane could be the president," he shot back.

"Slayers are protective of the normal people and support the peaceful communities. She'd probably push for human rights for everyone and better support for the military as they learned swordwork." Fury walked off with the notes and audio recorder. He needed to be back around his regular agents again. Coulson sat down to call Maria, sending over copies of those files to her. "So, I just talked with Nick."

She grimaced on his camera screen. "Huge problem?"

"HYDRA was attacking a peaceful community so Harris handled it for them. I have Foster and Lewis here, who brought in Rumlow."

"Excuse me?"

He nodded. "With a chip."

"Damn it! I wish he had told me!"

"I didn't know either," he said calmly. "He's here healing. With Foster and Lewis."

"I'll see if Stark wants them there."

"Apparently they used a portal to send a few agents to the same realm that germ creature in Wakanda came from. Harris unplugged it as he walked past them." She rubbed her eyes. "Nick just left with debrief materials."

"I noticed the files you sent me." She got into them. "Great." She looked at him again. "Any other news?"

"A wish was made that if they named Harris head over SHIELD Lehane would eventually become president." He smiled slightly. "Which could be quite good for the US but I'd hate to have mandatory therapy visits."

"I think I could use some. Thanks for letting me know. I'll go talk to Stark to see if he wants to evacuate them." She hung up and took an antacid to chew on her way up to the main sitting area. She summoned Stark and Rogers both out there. She got Natasha and Clint too since they had been in the labs with Tony going over their weapons. She sipped her water, waiting until they sat down.

"A few notes came up from Coulson." They all nodded. "First. Stark, someone rescued Lewis and Foster from HYDRA." He arched an eyebrow up. "Coulson wanted to know if you wanted them. Foster apparently opened a portal to suck people to where the germ demon puppy came from." He shook his head, letting it flop down. "But Harris unplugged it on her." She looked at the other three. "I just found out Nick Fury had triple agents."

"Sounds like him," Natasha agreed. "Any we might know?"

"One we know for certain. Lewis and Foster brought him with them." She flopped down the folders of information. "Rumlow."

"Seriously?" Steve demanded. She nodded. "Why?"

"Because they would trust him," Natasha reminded him. She looked through the information. "Where is he now?"

"There. Coulson did his debrief. Lewis walked behind him when he called to hit what looked like a bathroom."

Natasha nodded once. "She is feisty."

"Very," Clint agreed. He looked at Stark then at Hill. "Are we importing Foster and Lewis?"

"I think we'd all like them safely somewhere."

"Yes we would. There's no telling what Jane could do." That got a single nod from Clint. "Or Lewis with her taser."

"I'm hoping HYDRA took it from her," Clint said. "Before she gets me. Though both do play kitten poker. I've heard them being talked about. Jane was asking people about off-realm science stuff."

Tony slapped his face with his hand and sighed. "Great. Just great."

"We could let them go to Cleveland," Natasha said. "If they don't show up around here."

"We can set that up," Hill said, looking at Stark. "Preferences?"

"Malibu. More secure facility. We have one from there that's up in the mountains because two of my people out there are people phobic and wanted to work in the middle of nowhere. That'll suit Foster and Lewis best." She nodded, making that note to Coulson. "So is Fury still a ghoul or did he do the rite to become human again?"

"He insists he's a ghost," she shot back.

Natasha looked at the report about the base going down. "Why..." She reread it. "He took out a base because they bothered a demon enclave?"

"They do support the normal peaceful groups," Rogers reminded her, taking it to read. "Huh." He handed it to Tony since Clint already had it. "How do we handle things?"

"Someone has made a wish that Lehane would become the president if Harris is put over SHIELD." Natasha choked, shaking her head with a moan. "We suspect he's also over the reason the BBC got given the list of politicians with demonic debts."

Clint grinned and nodded. "He blew an important poker debt for that one according to the local poker circuit. Three weeks, at least the US's version, and they'd know why they were getting it." Hill shivered. "Which probably was the same time he might've made that wish about Faith."

Natasha looked at him. "Any other intel on him?"

"Yeah. His people are screwing with him on purpose to make him quit. He hasn't had a paycheck in months. They're supposed to pay his phone and haven't. Which meant Rosenburg couldn't find him to complain for a bit. Also, someone said that they made Harris admit to things he hadn't sent in reports about. Including some battles." Hill groaned, leaning back.

Natasha went to find a computer so she could hack them. The Council had almost no computer security to speak of and the emails were there in Mr. Giles' inbox, filed into a folder with Xander's name on it. She printed all the reports out for them to go over then put the computer down once Stark had the good ream of paper. They went over those reports carefully. Steve was doing a lot of moaning about things. Stark was muttering. So was Hill. Natasha looked at them. "You remember how we got turned into comic books? How Harris used to really like Clint's version? We should turn some of this into one. That way they could get future hunters."

"I'd stan that comic," Clint quipped. "He's more nuts than I am and handles worse things." He handed one report to Steve. "He handled a battle with a sword while naked. In the rain."

Steve read it then frowned and reread it. "What the hell!" He looked up at Hill, who took it to read and sighed. He looked at Stark.

"Some demons might consider our clothes like body armor I guess. I wouldn't want to be swinging a sword while naked. Too much risk for injury."

Natasha nodded. "Me either." Clint patted her on the shoulder with a grin. "I know you've had a few."

"They broke in," he defended. "What did they expect me to do? Give up and give them a show? Unfortunately they got one when I had to dive for a weapon but...." She punched him on the arm. He grinned back.

Hill held up a hand. "I don't want to know. Thank you." She looked at Steve, who was staring at another report. "What's that one?"

"Oh, another naked battle. They summoned him from bed." He handed it to her.

She read it, wincing. "Wow." She handed it to Clint.

"At least they gave him a ride back so he didn't have to hitchhike naked," he said, handing it to Natasha, who got it snatched by Stark. Clint picked up one. "A fuck or die thanks to a witch fighting back...and it looks like they got some Asgardian warriors somehow." He reread that one more slowly. "Um....hmm." He handed it to Rogers. "If we do, what are we going to do while Nat's hiding from us?"

"Hope masturbation works and Pepper's willing to cure mine," Stark shot back, taking that one to read. "Oh, wow. Okay." He handed it to Hill. "Can we make something to do that the next time we have an invasion. We can send it at them and let them all fuck it out instead of fighting us." Steve glared at him. "It'd be much nicer and maybe they'd never do it again."

"That would bring consent issues but I personally don't have much of a problem with that," Natasha told them. "They are invading as an army. It would mean fewer injuries in the battle on our side. Or using it on a HYDRA base." Everyone stared at her. "They would not hesitate to use it on us."

"Well, if you take up magical study, you can pull that rabbit out of a hat if we need it," Stark told her. She grimaced. He looked at Hill. "Anything upcoming from them on battles?"

"Not that I've heard recently. I heard about the last one. They had to stagger it and bring the slayers in late because the higher ups behind the invading ones ate women." Natasha grimaced. "That one was covered by news crews." She looked online. "The vision site he uses to put his on hasn't been updated in about two weeks." She looked at that one. "No, that wasn't him putting one up.

"It was one about him." She considered it then sent that notice to Coulson. He could get it to Harris since he was down that way. She looked up. "He's going to be seriously injured, possibly kidnaped, and then he's going to have to fight his way free." She put that up on a virtual screen for her to see. A notice underneath it said it was for another Xander, could theirs tell that one during the convention that was coming up.

"Convention," Natasha said. "What sort of convention would have him talking to others of himself?" She looked at Clint, who looked too relaxed. "You know about it?"

"Yeah. Apparently all the other realm hims have a convention yearly to go over ideas, threats, and problems."

"That's a horrifying thought," Hill decided. "Here?"

"I'm guessing somewhere neutral. You'd have to ask someone like Foster about them having it here."

She nodded, tapping that email to Lewis. Foster was notorious for not answering emails from SHIELD agents. She included the link to that vision just in case she needed it for the math.

***

Darcy found Xander at a poker hall and sat next to him, facing him instead of the table. "Hey." He grinned at her. "Few things came to notice. Including a warning vision for you." She handed the printed copy over.

He read it, nodding slowly. "I can warn ship Xander of that." He looked at her. "What else?"

"Hill wanted to be warned if you're going to have another huge battle. That way she can tell the Avengers guys?" She grinned. "They got copies of your reports and had a slight freak out about naked battles." He laughed, nodding some. "Third." She teased his bicep with her fingertips. "Your ex-girlfriend ran into SHIELD and they had a huge fight because the guy in charge said she's a bad girl but she's been looking for you and nearly took Jane to help her find you."

"Which one?" He sipped his mixed drink and chewed on the fancy cherry.

"The redheaded one with the tiny waist with tattoos." She pulled out her phone to show her. "Jane sent the message back about her looking for you while she was treating her injuries from running into a former SHIELD guy."

He took it to look at. "Julia," he said, handing it back but frowning. "Where is she?"

"We're about two towns over in the Carva."

"I know that inn. I'll be there tonight."

She smiled. "That'd be great, Xander. We don't want to worry SHIELD people or Jane. Should Jane let her rest without supervision?"

"With those injuries you should've probably taken her to the ER."

"She said not to. They were magically caused so they can't do anything about them."

"Huh." He folded and stood up, taking his winnings with him. Darcy got up to walk out with him, handing over the other picture Jane had taken. He grimaced. "That's bad and nasty." He handed it back. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." She smiled and teased his bicep again. "And I'm not even drunk and flirty this time." He blushed but smiled back. "You rush over there. I'm picking up stuff for Jane so I'll be back there in about an hour."

"The local ride going that way is spotty at best."

"I hired privately. Jane and I have been in some pretty out of the way places." He nodded, getting into his truck to drive off. She went back inside to talk to the bartender about what Jane had blown a poker debt on. The book got handed over and she took it to the market to get some snack stuff before going back to where Jane was.

***

A demon hesitantly tapped Faith on the shoulder where she was having fun in the club. She wasn't even hunting. She looked at the demon. The demon pointed and she nodded, following him. "What's up?" she asked once they were somewhere more quiet and private.

The demon cleared his throat. "Slayer Faith, the local overlord sent me to inform you that the wish that wasn't totally wished may have to come to pass." She glared. "They have taken a vote to put the Knight in charge of something, though they were not sure what. There's ones that owe debts who think that it will move humanity forward. Which would leave the not-exactly-a-wish of you having power coming due because it would be better for those sorts. When they heard about it, they got very happy." He grimaced. "The overlord is thumping his head fin on the hardest walls he can find but he wanted you warned that they were coming for you. Also that there's people who do election things who think it's a great idea so they're pushing for you to be elected in this region."

"If I leave the US will they stop?"

He shrugged then shook his head. "I have no idea how that would go with the election. The overlord has let the whole community know that you do not favor being put into a position of power. Or the Knight. He has encouraged us not to vote for you if it comes up, unless you state that it's the only option for humanity to work again." He shrugged again. "We do not want to stress you out, simply warn you."

She patted it on the head. "Thank you for the warning. Anyone told X?"

"We cannot find him. He went to baby a former girlfriend who got injured while trying to summon a demon, though he has yelled at her for it. When he heard why she had the magical injuries he got very mad at her for the attempt to make him handle the demon for her so she got the deal she wanted."

"Yeah, he doesn't like being used," she agreed, frowning some. "A good girlfriend?" The demon shook his head. "Then he's lost a few and he'll pout a bit and find a new one hopefully. Maybe even one that's better." She considered it. "If they try to elect me to anything I'm leaving the US. You can assure the overlord that I don't want that sort of job. Even if it was going to save humanity I don't want that sort of job. Fuck no in fact!" The demon smiled at her.

"Thank you for warning me and let him hear the same thing. Let me go talk to Giles. It was my night off too," she sighed, heading out to go back to the house. The demon fled to tell his boss what she had said. And that he heard her venting when she waited for a cab. She was loud enough that someone tried to have her arrested for her ranting until she told them she got bad news and was on her way home. The overlord would be pleased with that.

Faith stomped into the house, slamming the door behind herself. "Meeting in the office!" she yelled. "B, get your skanky ass in there too! G! Tweedy! 'Drew!" She stomped that way. Andrew was the last in but he closed the door. Faith kicked a bookcase and looked at Giles. "Xander didn't wish that I get a position in Congress but the ones that took a vote to put him in charge of something, and they weren't sure what, think that it'll help if they gift me too. There's some normals who've heard that idea and decided to try to work on it too. I've promised if someone tries to force me to serve in congress that I'm going to leave the US."

Buffy spluttered. "What?" she demanded.

"Xander didn't ask for me to be so *blessed*," Faith repeated more slowly. "But others heard him having that idea to pay people back for electing him to something by bringing me into his misery. Now normals are thinking about the same damn idea. They want me to run for congress." Willow burst out giggling. "Not. Kidding. The overlord sent someone to warn me." She looked at Giles then at Andrew. "Can you find it to see how serious it is? Because I'll flee the US like I'm HYDRA fleeing from some guy in spandex."

Andrew pulled out his phone to look that up. He blinked, letting her see the page they had made for her. "It's...possibly serious. They even talk about why you and not the other slayers. Buffy's airhead times knocked her out of the idea. Most of the rest they don't know a lot about. They know you grew up poor, had problems, healed, and now you're a senior slayer that the girls look up to." He looked up to see her scowling.

He went back to looking. "They address the point that slayers do not do political things. They said sometimes you had to sacrifice a moral to save humanity. Slayers were unique in that they had to do that by hunting already. In this case it might take you sacrificing hunting to handle the stupid going on in Congress." He let her see the phone. She growled her way through it. "The poll numbers they're using show you've got a good following."

"Hell. No," Faith ordered, handing the phone back to him. Giles held out a hand so Andrew let him have it.

"Oh dear," Giles sighed. He looked at her. "Do you want me to send you out of the US?"

"I'm pretty sure I might need an escape plan," she agreed.

"What happens if they do elect her against her will?" Buffy asked. "She can't say no then, right?" Giles shook his head. "So we need to talk to people before then?" Giles nodded quickly. "Okay, so we need PR people?"

"Fuck it, I'll go talk to the reporters hanging around," Faith complained, leaning on a wall to pout with her arms crossed over her chest. "I can see why X made the suggestion to convince people to leave him alone."

"You said that they elected Xander to head something," Willow said. Andrew took his phone back to look it up. "I can do that on the office system, 'Drew."

"I'm on a few mailing lists," he told her. "They keep forgetting I'm here." He tipped his head. "The House committee on intelligence activities has put forth a motion to nominate Xander to head ....no disclosed agency. They noted there's six openings in various agencies he could fill but they feel he'd bring some stability and some heroic moments to the US government."

"They could use it," Buffy agreed. "So how do we spare both of them? Before we have to watch someone invade DC to get them?"

"With so many that have deals, they probably have a guest room at the ready for something higher," Faith complained. She huffed again. "How do we save me?"

"First, we talk to others," Giles said. "We put out notices that Faith is not open to a political office. Or Xander. We have not been very loud about denying their urges against Xander and we must be louder. I'll get with the others to talk to them. Andrew, pull up those sites for me please. Then start some water for tea and bring in the good scotch.

"I fear I could use it if no one else could." Andrew moved to pull those sites up on Giles' computer. He looked at Faith. "If it should come close to a vote I'll send you off, Faith. We will not sacrifice you." She relaxed and nodded. "I'll also chastize Xander about nearly throwing you under a bus that way." She let out a tiny smirk. "Go relax. It's your night off."

"Cocoa's frozen in the big freezer. Just nuke it for a minute," Andrew told her with a grin. She nodded, going to do that. Nuking it made it turn very creamy and almost pudding like. He got out of the way. "Let me get the others. Two might be at home." He jogged off to find the other watchers. "Guys, Giles needs an emergency meeting in his office," he called into their usual hanging out area.

"Like with all of you. He told me to bring tea and scotch, the good stuff." They groaned but went to see what had happened now. Andrew went to the kitchen to start on tea and found the good bottle of scotch. He winced when the shouting started, bringing the tea trolley then. He knocked, pushed the trolley in, then closed the door without having to go in there. Some of them had magic too and he didn't want to have to defend himself tonight.

***

Rupert looked at the gathered watchers, calling the few that weren't there. "We have two problems to discuss, and they are quite serious," he noted once two of the three on the phone had answered. "Someone tell Phipps since he's apparently with his girlfriend." He cleared his throat. "A demon came up to Faith when she was in the club having a night off. Sent by the overlord."

That got a few groans. "There's two combined issues. One, they decided to elect Xander to some political position earlier today." That got a few shouts. He held up a hand as the trolley got shoved in. "Thank you, Andrew." He looked at them. Then he turned the monitor so they could see the resolution drawn up and voted on.

"That will not be good for anyone," one of the local watchers said stiffly.

"Especially not with the prices on his head," another agreed. He got up to turn on the pot of water to let it warm and poured himself some scotch. "How is the other one combined? Before I get plastered, Rupert?"

"When Xander was talking people out of it, he said he'd have to bring Faith along via a wish to make her Speaker of the House and then President. Some normals have heard that idea and thought it grand. They've formed an election committee without her input or agreement. She's presently second in the state." That one spluttered and nearly spilled the scotch. "We only have the one bottle of that good of scotch, Reg. Do be careful not to spill it or throw it."

"What does Faith want out of that?" one of the ones on the phone asked.

"She's stated bluntly she does not want it and is planning on escaping the US. I'm trying to figure out where to send her." He let them see the election site. One of them read it to the ones on the phone. "She's most distressed and came in stomping, swearing, and wild eyed. How do we help her avert this crisis, people?"

"I dare say she's not the only one to swear right now," one of the ones on the phone said. Someone in the room's phone rang so he answered it and put it on speaker. "Nice to have you join us, Phipps," that one said dryly. "We're presently talking about how two of ours are being forced into government service."

"Excuse me? Beyond the push to put Harris in front of some group or another?" that one complained. It showed he was the guy in charge of the Books of Problems.

"Yes, some smaller committee earlier decided he had to be put somewhere soon. There's six open spots and they didn't name which one," Rupert said. "Normals heard that he thought about asking for Faith to become the president if he did and decided it's not a bad idea but for right now she could become speaker of the house." Phipps choked and spluttered.

"Indeed. How are we dealing with this with them? Faith's ready to flee tonight. Xander is presently not exactly in touch. He's nagging an ex-girlfriend who tried to use him." A few moaned. "It does go over why slayers don't serve the government and how this sacrifice might have to be made so the US doesn't fall apart."

"Lehane is...."

"Swearing," Giles said. "She dented my bookshelf and swore a bit while telling us what the local overlord had sent a messenger to warn her about."

"That was pleasant of him to warn her," one of the few females said patiently. She got up to get some scotch and sat down to sip it. "It was her night off as well, wasn't it?" Giles nodded. "Poor girl." She took another drink. "Can we start with a note to the press vultures?"

"I have no idea," Giles admitted. He looked at his phone. He sent a text message, getting one back almost immediately with an apology to Faith. "Xander said he thought it would discourage people because they wouldn't want Faith in charge of people but he realized how desperate some people in the States are to get free of the current dolts." He got another message and thanked him.

"He knows someone who could handle politics to advise the both of them. He'll contact them to see if they can be of help. He did state he's not coming back from Africa so if they really must elect him without his permission they'd have to send a strike team down to kidnap him." He looked up. "He's not amused in a way that usually means he's fighting something." A few winced. Giles took a deep breath. "Get me some scotch please?" He handed over his tea cup for it to be filled. "How else do we handle this?"

"We must get notes out to the public so they drop that idea," the female one said. "I can see why they think she'd be protective of the US and helpful to those who hate what's presently going on. It is a sacrifice of morality like being a huntress is." The others nodded. "But we must set up a statement saying that it is not allowed for slayers to do such duties as she has to serve all peoples, including those in other countries that may not be friendly to this one."

Rupert nodded slowly. "Let's start there and formulate if they don't drop it for either one. Xander has been fighting back rather hard. Hence the list hitting the BBC." A few shuddered. That mess had caused a lot of fits among the press sorts. A lot of resignations as well. "He's even suggested others who could do the job even better and had worked with agents before."

"The one pushing it really must not be grounded mentally," she said dryly. "I have no idea why he's fixated on Harris."

"Because he's a normal man and does heroic things that usually mean you're on a special response team that wears a lot of spandex," Phipps complained. "At least we know he doesn't want it. It'd be worse if he was happy about it."

"I'd put him in to be unpossessed if he liked that idea," Rupert said, sipping his scotch. A few others got tea and the bottle was emptied before others got any at all. Rupert pointed at his bar so they could have the lesser scotch instead.

***

Up in New York, Maria Hill accepted the text message and read it, frowning. Then the two following it with more details. "Oh, dear. Yes, we need to stop that. We've been working to stop it and them including Senior Slayer Lehane is not good," she agreed, typing that back. He sent the address of the group trying to get Faith elected. She read it over then moaned.

"Fuck." Her assistant jumped and gave her a horrified look. She flapped a hand before typing back she'd talk to people to at least spare Lehane if she could, and him as well. He thanked her and said he'd be sober the next day if she needed to ask him anything and Faith was panicking. And packing.

She agreed that was a good idea and she'd work on it from their end. She got up and went up to the Avengers common area, finding the woman she wanted. She sat down across from Pepper and smiled, making Pepper Potts put down her glass of water. "Yes, it's that evil."

"How bad? Did Tony do it?"

"Harris tried to discourage another push to have him head SHIELD by noting he'd have to ask for a wish to put Lehane into some sort of power position, with her ending up as president eventually." Pepper raised an eyebrow. "Some people have enjoyed that idea enough that they've started a push to have her elected without her consent." Pepper slumped.

"Earlier, a house sub committee pushed forth a resolution that they'd be naming Harris to an intelligence spot somehow. There were six open and his position could be fixed later. She's ready to leave the US after freaking out. Harris is presently getting drunk tonight and he'll go yell at people again tomorrow."

"He's been fighting it for a while," Pepper said carefully. Maria Hill smirked and nodded. "Slayers can't hold political office."

"They think it's a moral sacrifice to save and protect people, compared it to the one she made when she chose to go on slayer duty." She let Pepper see that site. "I was wondering why I got a note from someone in Cleveland that the Council called in everyone for an emergency meeting after Faith got pulled out of a club on her night off."

Pepper grimaced. "That poor girl. Is she old enough to hold a seat in congress?"

"She's above eighteen."

"Hmm. Can we help?"

"If we sacrifice someone here to stand up for them. We might have to go all the way to making them look bad but with what they do, they look heroic enough for uniforms. The politicians won't like that but the normal people think it's great. The ones that want Harris in charge of SHIELD among normals all cite how he's heroically saving parts of Africa every few months. There's even fanfictions of what happens when he meets up with the warriors in Wakanda."

Pepper raised an eyebrow again. "Wonderful."

"Mostly they think he respects them too much to do more than respectfully flirt but that he might be a great post-battle stress relief with the King or someone higher up. Though none of them have linked him with the princess at this time. They seem to think she'd go for one of their own warriors."

Pepper shook her head with a sigh. "How can we help?"

"That's what I'm up here asking, Pepper. I don't deal with PR like you do. You've had experience with trying to get things out of public view."

"Yes but I usually had Tony go donate somewhere to some charity instead. It'd only make those two look even more good. I doubt they'd care if either one went on a drunken binge because they'd say it was stress relief after all the battles."

"Lehane's planning on fleeing the US."

"She might have to."

"Harris has said that it'd take a strike team coming for him to make him take up SHIELD or any other intelligence job."

"Fury might do that?" Pepper guessed.

"Don't give Nick any ideas, Pepper. He hates that Harris is solving things with a battle axe and explosives. Including a HYDRA base because they had attacked a peaceful community and a temple he's fond of. Thankfully he found the hostages before he blew up the base on them."

Pepper leaned back, considering things while rubbing her forehead. "There's no real way to make them to look bad without affecting their jobs and no one else can do what they do." Maria nodded she agreed, getting comfortable. "I'll... Let me talk to Tony tonight?"

"Please. This is going to take some twisted thinking to not get those two harmed for their duties but free of all this."

"I have no idea. I'll ask the others if they have ideas." Maria nodded, getting up and going to her office to alert Coulson. Pepper went down to the lab. Tony was in there having a talk with Steve about Steve being a dick earlier. "Guys, break it up for thirty," she ordered as she walked in. "Friday, please pull up the sites on electing Senior Slayer Lehane and the resolution about Harris earlier?" They showed up on virtual screens.

Tony frowned as he read. "They can't..." He looked at Pepper, who nodded. "That's going to suck."

"Neither one wants it," she said, coming in to stand beside him. "Hill said Harris wrote to see if we could help get them free of all that. Lehane wants to leave the US to get free of it. He's stated he's not coming out of Africa unless he's dragged out by a strike team. But then there's the complication of Nick Fury wanting him out of his turf."

"He'd do it just so he could arrange things," Steve agreed, frowning as he read. "What is their Council doing?"

"Having an emergency meeting according to Hill." She looked at Tony. "We don't know how to get them free of it without making them look bad, which would hurt them with their jobs."

"Yeah, you can't, and even if they're injured graphically during one they won't stop it, it'll just make them look even more heroic. Especially him since he's just a normal guy doing the job and he's already lost an eye doing it." He frowned. "Let me think. We can back up any statement they make about Harris not having the qualifications to do that sort of job and Lehane has to be able to move freely as a slayer doing her duty."

"The only thing I could think of was to counter with a better person for it," she said. "I can't see throwing Clint under the bus though."

Tony patted her on the back. "He'd scream about that thought but it'd give him a lot of time with his dog." She nodded.

"Clint would be the perfect combination of Faith and Xander," Steve agreed. He was still frowning. "What about the actual SHIELD people?"

"No idea," Pepper said. "Hill didn't say."

"This has to further someone's plans," Steve said. "Maybe some demon owing one, maybe the guy in the white house's plots, but it has to further someone's plots."

"Harris admitted he made a quip about suggesting Faith back him up a few weeks ago to the press," Maria Hill said as she walked in. "But it wasn't a full wish." They all grimaced but nodded. "And it's getting worse. They consider the prices on his head to be a good thing, showing how heroic he was."

"We need to get them stuck onto someone else who can be even more shiny," Stark told her. "Can you out Coulson? Or him and Fury to make everyone scream about it?"

"Coulson said we could out him," Hill said. "That may work on that one. That only leaves five intelligence spots they liked him for instead." Steve grimaced. "Outing Fury would make people want to remove Coulson even more and replace him with Harris. And they don't even know half of what he's done. They're only citing a few battles. And in one case the fanfiction because they thought he'd make a nice consort for King T'Challa."

"Sam and Nat are going down there in a few days for a diplomatic thing. They can show them that so they can have a fit out of sight," Stark said with a hand wave. "Thankfully I don't pay any attention to that because it creeps me out. They all think I'm very subby for some reason." Pepper kissed him on the cheek but walked off laughing. "Any other ideas?"

"Not yet," Maria Hill admitted.

"Tell Coulson to come out of the closet." She nodded. "Otherwise, we'll try to save the fair maiden of slaying."

"They'd probably appreciate the help." She left them to plot. Coulson was not amused but he could easily show up somewhere handling something she guessed. There were plenty of problems to go around these days.

Xander walked up to where an embassy was, nodding at the guardian. "Warrior Lady of Wakanda, may I have a moment?" She glared at him. He grinned. "I'm not flirting, ma'am. I'm Watcher Xander Harris."

"I've heard of you. Do we have an upcoming battle?"

"Not exactly." She frowned back. "Have you ever wandered onto the side places of the internet?" She slowly shook her head. "Heard of fanfiction?"

"No. We leave such pursuits to our princess."

"She's probably heard of fanfiction. I'm wondering if she's ever looked up her own name or her brother's? Or your general's name?"

"Why would she?"

"Well...." He pulled out his phone to show her the comment by the senator. "That came directly from a few fanfictions. Apparently they think your king is cuddly after battles."

She blinked a few times. "Why would they do that?"

"I don't write fanfiction. Willow Rosenburg used to way back in high school. But that guy has made some comments that shows he thinks your king is happy with our mutual post battle stress relief and his sister is happy with one of your warriors. Which ...I'm really confused about. I think he's pretty and chill and really great in a battle but I'd need someone a bit softer who wanted to support me in my battles, not one that we had to fight together."

He grimaced. "I thought I'd warn one of you before it got into a wider audience than that one crackhead, demon debt owing senator's press statements. Because I don't want to wake up to see your general scowling and about to stab me because someone thinks we'd be hot together. Or him, because I'm pretty sure he can sneak in just as well as she can because she taught him to."

She tried not to smile. "She's more subtle than that."

"I'm sure she is. But sometimes you gotta stop the bad ideas yourself." He shrugged but grinned. "They think your princess is a lesbian. She might want to date."

"She probably would laugh at that idea. Thank you for the warning, Watcher Harris. Is that our battle?"

"No, next week you have a small community-based brawl going on for dominance. It might spill just over the border but if we interrupt they'll take out whoever and then have to go back to it because it's a pack hierarchy thing."

"I can warn the warriors near them on the northern border?" He nodded, putting his hands and phone in his pocket. "And about that amusing bit of stories."

"Five authors that I've seen major works by, a few have one now and then, and one's over the length of the Hobbit. It's...I skimmed and had to go watch porn to calm down." She blushed. He nodded with a grin. "Yeah. Thought he should hear it from one of you instead of the news. You have a better week, ma'am." He walked off. He needed to find a good bit of breakfast before he had to deal with other people again.

She went inside to tell her boss that, who burst out laughing. She did promise to pass it on, including the video of the meeting.

***

In Wakanda later that same day, Sam Wilson looked at his phone then at Natasha. "Why are we warning them?"

"Would you like to hear that about yourself from a news person?"

"No. Do they?"

She looked at him. "I would not go looking. It can get disturbing. I found one of myself and Nick Fury where we were *cuddling* after a battle. Apparently they thought he'd like giving oral sex."

"Eww."

"Quite." She looked at the ones there to meet them. "General Okoye." They shook hands. The general shook Sam's too. She held up the locked case. "From Tony Stark to your princess."

"That's fine. She's bored."

Sam nudged her and handed her that folder of information he carried. "From Maria Hill."

She glanced through it then paused and read it more thoroughly. "What?" she demanded.

Natasha sighed and pulled up the site mentioned, then did a name search. "They spell your name wrong about half the time." She let her see it. "Some senator noted he thought it was the correct fantasy in a press statement about Watcher Harris."

She read the summaries, frowning at it. "It's not what I want out of life. I heard he warned someone about this topic but I hadn't heard details yet." She tapped on another's name. "Oh. She's going to be mad. And the king as well I believe," she said after tapping on his name to see the common pairings. "Oh, dear," she said, starting to laugh. "Um...."

"The senator who outed those fantasies in the press is one who wants to force Harris to head SHIELD," Sam told her. "So we're warning as well as bringing things to make your princess squeal."

She handed Natasha her phone back. "She'll be amused for weeks now." She led them into the throne room. "I found out why the watcher warned us about more than the pack fight soon," she said, saluting the king. He stared at her. Natasha pulled out her phone. She waved a hand and got one of the local devices to pull it up on so it could be more widely seen. T'Challa stared at what was under his name. "Apparently it's fantasies of alternate timelines and events."

"It'd have to be. I don't like men that way," he said patiently.

"One of the senators trying for Harris outed that site in the press," Natasha said. Shuri walked in. "Did you hear that they write fanfiction about you?"

Shuri paused to stare at her then at the screen. "My brother wouldn't sleep with a white boy." She took it to tap on her name then stared. "That will not happen."

"It's fantasies," the general told her.

"I'm aware of what fanfiction is. I don't know why they included me."

"You are a noted figure," Natasha said. "I don't know why they decided you were a lesbian and your brother a gay king."

Shuri looked at her. "Me either." Natasha smiled. "How did we get onto this topic?"

"One of the senators trying to force Harris to head SHIELD outed that he liked and believed it could be real in the press. Said it'd make Harris an even stronger leader for his diplomatic ties through his bedroom."

Shuri squeezed her eyes shut then just nodded and took the case from Natasha to walk off hugging it. You could just hear the giggling starting as she left the room.

"At least she's happy," T'Challa said. "Does Harris subscribe to that?"

"No," Sam said.

Natasha shook her head. "He said he didn't think you'd be cuddly."

A guard cleared her throat. "By what he said to the warrior he talked to at the embassy, he said he needed a lover to support his battles, not someone to fight beside and he'd end up being the supporter."

T'Challa looked at her then at Natasha. "That is what a consort is for. He could use one. It might calm him down."

"He could use more support of all means," she said. "Including from his own people who hate that he stepped in as a teenager. They had a price on his head until last month and were playing petty games to try to make him quit. Instead he got creative and went to his lovers."

"We heard," he admitted. "We all hoped they'd calm him down then another battle happened."

Natasha smiled and held up a USB drive. "The reports they made him finally admit to not sending in. Including two different battles he fought naked with a sword."

T'Challa blinked. "That's not one I'd want to fight."

"Me either," Sam agreed with a slight nod. "The boy should have his own comic book." T'Challa burst out laughing but nodded.

"We've suggested it to the ones who did the comics about SHIELD," Natasha told him. "Harris used to read the ones dedicated to Hawkeye."

"That kinda explains why some people think they're related," Sam decided.

T'Challa smiled at them. "You bring such happiness to our lives. Thank you." Natasha smiled back. "You should rest before dinner." He showed them to a suite then went to his office to look more of that up. He could hear Okoye complaining in her office about that same topic and how they decided she was bedding her own troops. He had no idea why they had put him together with Harris. Though it was interesting a few thought he had bedded Eric Killmonger too. Thinking about it, he and Harris might have gotten along well. If only he wasn't dead.

***

Xander walked in front of the man in the trench coat and sunglasses. "How can you wear a leather trench coat in equatorial Africa," he complained. "And do I need to come blow the fuck outta your base again, Fury? I mean, you have more hostages than even HYDRA did and one's my mini's mom so that's not going to keep going on if I can help it." Then he looked over the top of his sunglasses. "Really."

He pulled out the shrunken weapon and let it expand so he could fire it over Fury's shoulder at the demon stomping their way. Fury flinched as soon as the weapon was the right size and pointing in his direction but it was clear it wasn't aimed at him. "I know damn well you're harmful because you eat kids. Go the fuck away, Mortimer!"

The demon died with a moan and Xander dropped the weapons tube before walking off shaking his head. "Someone here promised Mortimer their daughter if he could just win his wife back from the poker game he was in. Damn, some men suck."

Nick Fury glared at the kid's back. "Harris!"

Xander shot a grin back at him. "That's my name, baby. Yell it louder. Make me defend the marketplace since we're near people who want to kill me for making them handle their own shit." He strolled off again. Sure enough, someone tried to attack him but a knife to the stomach stopped him. He stared at the guy as he retrieved his knife, wiping it off on the guy's shirt. "Don't do that. I'll let the next demon eat the marketplace."

He walked over him and went to get a new shirt and some lunch. He was hungry for some reason today. The man on the ground got picked up by the local officers. One came at Xander, who shrugged. "He wanted the price on my head for making their little group of morons fight the demons that were going to kill normal people instead of terrorists. Not my thing. I'd never let them eat a school." He paid for his fruit and walked off. "Maybe he'll be rehabilitated somehow."

"The demon you attacked?"

Xander grimaced. "Some guy offered Mortimer, who eats flesh of people, his daughter if only he could win that poker hand to get his wife back," Xander said sarcastically. "I'm hoping she hears and beats his ass for it and then leaves him with her kids." He grinned slightly. "Mortimer was never peaceful and likes to snack on bad guys but I couldn't let him have a kid. I didn't intervene when he was eating people who were capturing slaves last month, because hey they need to be stopped anyway, but I won't let him hurt normals or kids."

The officer nodded once. "That's reasonable. The ones he had been eating before?"

"I talked to General Kawami. He was most pleased to have that group found and broken. It let them end the rest of them easier." He smiled. "The general gave me a candy bar for it too."

The officer stepped back but smiled and nodded. "I can see how that's a nice reward for you."

"Oh, sorry, I'm Watcher Harris. Watcher over the slayers down here." He held out a hand.

"Ah! We know of you." He shook his hand. "Thank you for protecting the marketplace. Is there a further problem coming?"

"Not fully. I'm mostly here to get Mortimer, get lunch, get a few new t-shirts.... Then later go raid somewhere to my mini's mom back from SHIELD." He grimaced. "I need to start a cult of people like me who want to blow up bad guys. I think that's my evil goal for the year." The officer walked off laughing but Xander was pretty serious. He could find a few others like him. They liked explosives too.

So maybe they'd like to form an anti-bad thing team and blow the fuck out of bad things? He walked off thinking about that while eating a pear. The t-shirts were found easily enough and the guy leaning next to the little booth store glared at him. "What?" he asked with a smile. White guy. Short hair. Body builder like muscles. Probably an agent or military. "Problems with me getting a few new t-shirts?"

"Problems with the idea you told the officer," he said quietly. "That would definitely be something SHIELD or HYDRA would have to stop with prejudice, Harris." He straightened up to stare at him. "Also, the strike team thing? Don't tempt Fury. He's like that. And your mini's mom is at the train station. That way you don't have to deal with the weak idiots at the local SHIELD base." He walked off.

"Thanks, dude. I'll make sure she gets home. And I knew that about Fury. He's just like that. He complained when I handled a battle he just stood there and stared at." He got a few packs of t-shirts and paid then went to the train station to gather that mom, and the few others they had. "Ladies." They stared at him and one sobbed, coming to hug him. "She's with Anise at the Peace Corps lady's house. She called last night all worried about you."

He patted her until she calmed down. "C'mon, let's get you home. Are these ladies with you?" She nodded, pointing at them. "Okay, they can ride in the back of the truck. The new one's not nearly as packed as the old one was." He led them back to the truck so they could go home. It was only a two hour drive.

And there was a lot of crying when they made it back to their small town. The mini slayer came running to hug her mother and cried on her. Her mother cried back. The other ladies cried when they found their families. Thankfully Xander had paper towels to offer them so they could wipe their faces off. And some fruit for his mini to nibble on. She hadn't eaten well last night due to worry. She snuggled in to share it with her mom and it was pretty good again. Xander got to go back to his evil idea plotting while they all got happy.

***

Phil Coulson put down the weapon and nodded at the slayers staring at him. "We at SHIELD have to step in this time, ladies. He was in the military before he broke out today to go beat his ex-girlfriend for cheating on him and making him claim the child that wasn't his. The military requested we handle it instead of you."

The slayer walked over to him. "You helped Xander with a battle in Africa."

"Two actually. One real battle and one was a goddess needing saved." He smiled slightly and held out a hand. "Director Coulson of SHIELD."

She shook it with a grin. "Slayer Mary." She stepped back. "You sure you want to claim this one?" She glanced at the reporters running over. "Aren't you supposed to be covert?"

"Probably," he agreed. "But it'll help your hunter," he said more quietly then smiled and walked off. "Let me know if you need more help today, Slayer Mary. I'll have the military come get him to put him in for burial."

"His people self cremate," she called after him.

He paused to look at her. "Interesting. I'll let them know. Can you let their clan know?" She nodded. "Thank you. Have a better day." He got into the car and drove off.

Slayer Mary looked at the press and shrugged. "We thought they were covert." She walked off calling the local overlord so he knew who to tell about that one dying. He agreed it was a good thing and they'd come get the ashes when he self flamed.

"Who was that?" one of the reporters yelled after her.

"He said he's the director of SHIELD," she called back. "The actual one, not the one they're trying to force it onto."

"He died!"

"Apparently not," Mary quipped with a grin and a wave. "Go find him and ask him. Or the lady that now works with the Avengers. She used to be in SHIELD according to Buffy." She trotted off. She was cute enough to be a pinup but she didn't want that sort of attention.

The reporters hurried, trying to find that car so they could follow it. Someone had to answer questions. Though the ones that had other stations in the north east called them to go talk to the lady with the avengers. There were only three or four so they could find them all if they had to.

***

Natasha came up from the security floor. "Hill, there's reporters looking for you," she called into her office. "Slayer Mary just noted you were a woman helping the team. They demanded to know if I was the right lady. I told them no and you were."

"Gee thanks," she called back. She went to talk to the reporters. Even if Nick Fury would complain. They had expected that outing for the last week so she was ready. She made sure her hair was neat and she looked good in the mirror on the elevator on the way down. She walked outside to the press people gathering around. "People, you are not supposed to gather like this on Stark Industries or Avengers team properties," she noted calmly but firmly. "Please desist and move along."

"We need to speak to the lady about SHIELD," one of them said, moving his camera into better view.

Maria smiled. "Well, I was the executive officer of SHIELD before it fell to HYDRA." That got her picture taken. "What's happened now?"

"A middle aged man claimed to be the director when he handled something for Slayer Mary," another one said, trying to move closer.

"First, don't press in on me. I'll have the security teams detain you," she noted, crossing her arms over her chest. "Second, yes, that's Director Coulson. He's been in charge since the fall to HYDRA to rebuild it. Nick Fury named him. The president didn't countermand it."

"What about that guy that works with the slayers?"

"He's said repeatedly that he didn't want to lead SHIELD and that he's not qualified to do any intelligence agency work. He's never trained as an agent or done agent style work before. His methodology is more to handle a huge problem and then move on, not gather information and handle large networks of terrorists. Though there's a few who'd like him to go away for what he has had to handle, those of us who were SHIELD are quite pleased we're not the only ones doing the work anymore."

"Does the president know that SHIELD still exists and doesn't need to be rebuilt or that it has a director?" one of the reporters in the back called.

"He knows Coulson was supposedly dead and they went fully underground to deal with HYDRA. Director Coulson's talked to him a few times, people. The president also told his advisors who were asking him why he wanted someone untrained to head an agency as tactical as SHIELD is."

One of the reporters pushed her way forward. "Agent Hill, is Nick Fury actually dead? He was supposedly caught on camera the other day talking to that same hunter in Africa."

She cleared her throat. "Nick Fury has not been in contact with me for months, people. I have no idea if he's still alive or not. Did he survive the initial attack on SHIELD by HYDRA? Yes. Then he went fully underground to wage war on HYDRA. He may still be doing that. I only talk to Director Coulson and his people. So I really can't tell you. I'm not paying attention to what Watcher Harris has to handle unless it's a full battle and I need to advise the team to go help them."

That got a few nods. She looked at that reporter, who had been SHIELD in PR once upon a time. "If he's alive, he owes me a birthday present," she said with a slight smirk. "If he's not alive, then I guess I won't get my traditional card he'll mock for being mushy."

"I remember him doing that," she said quietly. "Hill..."

Maria held up a hand. "I'm not going to comment on ongoing SHIELD activities. It's not my job or place to do that." She looked at that reporter again. "Director Coulson has some of his most trusted people with him handling SHIELD behind the scenes. And Lola." She walked off happier.

The reporter smiled at the subtle message. "Hey, Hill, what about the fanfiction stuff that senator mentioned?"

"I'm told someone clued in the people he was talking about that it existed so they could throw their own fits." She smirked back at her. "I know I'm not in any since only the lower SHIELD agents used to put me into stories so they could kill me off horribly." She went back inside.

The reporter laughed. "I'm sure they did." A few of the others stared at her. "I was in PR for SHIELD for a year about a decade ago." They nodded at that.

"Who's Lola?"

"That's an urban legend around there," she said, walking off smiling. "But it's not a person."

The reporters called in their reports so people could shout about SHIELD still being around but now not being rotted with HYDRA. Someone asked the press secretary but she claimed to have no idea about any of that and no one had briefed her. Then she canceled the rest of the press conference and went to hide in her office. The president was already shouting at someone about all that. She wanted far out of the way.

***

Phil Coulson was handed a tablet by Dr. Fitz as he walked past him. He read the new fanfic that was pulled up. "Someone has me sleeping with Lola. That'd be weird." He handed it back but smiled. "If they find out it's a car, they're going to be embarrassed." He walked off smiling and shaking his head.

The others who tracked the online community got to be amused a lot by the new waterfall of Coulson fics. They were amusing him too.

***

Nick Fury watched the press statement while shaking his head but smiling. Maria Hill was still sassy. He had forgotten her usual birthday card too. He'd send it in the morning. He leaned back, watching them speculate about him. And who Lola was.

One of the lower agents came in. "Sir, the local military liaison has announced you're down here."

"We can move the base," he assured him calmly.

"Sir, the other one got blown up by that watcher guy because they had been attacking the local demon community. HYDRA had taken it over."

Fury shook his head with a sigh. "I'll figure it out tonight. Give the order to prep for a move." He nodded, going to do that. The other agents were still too green and too apt to need orders to do things. But he'd deal since all the good agents were with Coulson handling the other problems in the world. Fury hopped up when he heard the rumble of an explosion. "What was that! Tell me it wasn't that fucking weird watcher!"

"No, sir," one of his people said. "He's down south. The explosion was in the lab."

Fury stomped that way, shaking his head most of the way. "Do we need sense, people?" he yelled into the smoking lab area.

"Yes, sir," someone called. "They're stupid!" Then a female voice shrieked and hit him. "Hey! Dumbass!" He got shot the next time.

"Stop it, before I give you to Harris to train," Fury ordered. "Clear the room! Clean up the mess! We're moving tomorrow!" They groaned but did that. The medical team got the agent who had been attacked for being an idiot. And one case of smoke inhalation. Fury went to find a new base to hide in. The only one he might be able to use was built out of some caves that may or may not be full of idiots that he'd have to take out. Great!

He needed Hill back. Today! Before these ones drove him nuts.

Hell, Harris might be better than these ones!

***

Faith looked at the reporter trying to follow her and one of the minis on a training patrol. She turned to look at them. "We're on patrol and you are not supposed to be following us. Or taking the mini's picture. So stop it."

"What about the rumors that people want you to run for public office?"

"Why would I do that? Slayers don't do that shit! We have to protect all of you, even the ones we'd hate to see living for another day. I can't do that if I'm stuck in a suit in congress!" She glared. "For that matter, I'm about to leave the US for good if you guys don't quit. You're making it impossible for me to do my duty and to help the minis do theirs. That's more important.

"Even if I'd kick ass and protect people in the job, it's not one I want. Or need. Frankly, I hope they replace *everyone* in Congress and the White House this time." She glared. "Now, quit taking pictures of the mini and scram!" She pointed. The reporter hurried off. She looked at younger girl. "Don't let them try that on you."

"Nope. I wouldn't mind being a movie star but I don't want that sort of attention." They walked on, the girl babbling about her favorite boy band's newest album. Faith put up with it because it made the mini happy and happiness was too valuable to waste. Even if it meant she had to hear about too pretty boys in K-pop groups. It wasn't like it was in the classic days of boy bands.

***

Xander called Waller from where he was doing research/hiding from a crying teenage mini slayer who had a bad date. "It's me. Did you know there's a temple to a chaos god in DC?"

"I believe they set that up so it'd absorb all the chaos, not create more."

"It's broken," Xander said. "And I've run into three different mentions of places demons congregate to meet potential victims. Only one looks like a club to get feeding done in, and according to the internet it's open a few days a month. And then there's the brilliant demonic mafia situation there."

"DC doesn't presently have a slayer, Xander," Waller said patiently. "You know that. They demanded that we not have to cover their city."

"Yes but some day soon they'll try forcing me again. Should I fix some of that for them to prove I'm not their sort?"

Waller considered it. "That would make them pouty about you I suppose. Oh, Faith said to beat you most severely for that semi-wish."

"I hoped it'd save us both. People wanted her in congress before then, Waller. They know Buffy's an airhead and they couldn't count on her in that sort of job but Faith's steady, a role model, and damn good at her job. That push to have her elected started about two months after the LA invasion."

"I hadn't heard that."

"She got some write in votes last time. Now things are a bit more desperate. She's the plan that they'd pull out of their butts to save everyone. Which was why I did that actually."

"That's...I'll let Rupert know. As for the ones in DC. Can you rebuild that temple yourself?"

"I can fix it. It's just a few things that're broken. I basically have to walk in and take them off the altar as far as I can tell. Maybe paint a line."

"It's said you are beloved of chaos gods," Waller said sarcastically. "I'd never suggest anyone take on any demonic mafia group, even you."

"I can talk to them."

"True, and they may like that approach. It's not a *bad* plan but that'd mean you'd have to sneak away from agents."

"I can do that. I've done it twice in the last day and a half. Oh, Maisy is pouty. Her internet date turned out to be a middle aged man who wanted them young and pure. I'm mostly hiding from her by researching the problems in DC in Goddess Aba's library."

"Can you look up that amulet and the other two things we've all been trying to find?"

"I already sent an email to Phipps."

"I'll let him know. The amulet?"

"I wouldn't touch that thing with anyone else's pole, even if I loathed them. Not even the biggest nazi bastard's pole." The librarian glared at him. "Sorry, Priestess. He wanted to know about the amulet that someone tried to give Buffy. It's cursed, Waller."

"I...fine. Any other news?"

"Sara's moved into the temple to train as a lower priestess for the Goddess of Maranka. They've finally decided she can stay since she kept getting summoned to their smaller meditation garden. The priestess made her tell her own mother too. Thankfully."

Waller huffed. "How..."

"She only lived about six miles from the city."

"We don't appreciate cellphones either," the librarian said.

"Sorry, ma'am. Sorry, Waller. Get the emails." He hung up. "Sorry." He ducked his head to get back to his research. There had to be some way to save him from the soul sucking jobs in DC they wanted him to have. The librarian huffed but he made sure his research area was tidy and he was being more polite. When Aba walked in and kissed him on the head he grinned up at her. "I'll tell your sister you said hi?"

"Please. Is she better?"

"She's still not happy she lost her high priest to the idiots in HYDRA but she's not injured. Just a bit heart sore."

"That's good. Tell her I said to call. She can use a phone as humans do."

"I'll do that. I'm going down there tomorrow if the agents don't trap me to take me to DC. If so, I'll call Dworf at the local kitten poker bar to tell her." She patted him on the head then strolled off. He grinned at the books. Aba was always a sweet fertility and nature goddess. One of her priestesses had caught him telling one of the slayers about the facts of life and stepped in to spare him that speech. The librarian was still huffy but he reshelved things properly and made sure he hadn't left any signs he had been there. Then he went to get two books from the truck to hand her. "So someone has one down here if it's needed," he said quietly, holding them out. "Our field manual and our problem manual."

She took them to look over. "They're handy for the girls but we know most of this."

"The lower priestesses don't. And her brother is rumored to be coming this way. Plus, this way there's one safely stored in case it's needed by the locals."

"Point. I will shelve these, Hunter."

He grinned. "I'm Xander, ma'am."

"Oh!" Her eyes went wide. "Oh, dear." She smiled. "How is the Goddess D'Isor?"

"Doing okay. She's a bit heart sore since she lost her high priest, the one who'd been with her for centuries, due to idiot humans. HYDRA was attacking some of the local town and someone ran to her temple to hide so they tried to take it out too. I spent part of last week helping her rebuild it."

"We'll send her flowers. You really are an odd human."

Xander grinned. "I try but I think most people would step in if they saw something bad going on. Just not guys like HYDRA. And there's a group of them nearby," he said with a point in their direction. "So be careful? The world needs more librarians and those who hold knowledge. Giles taught us all how badass librarians can be."

She giggled but nodded. "We can be to protect our knowledge and power." She patted him on the hand. "Go be safe and feed your mini slayer chocolate."

"She's allergic or I would've already gotten her pudding. I don't know how to handle girls that can't eat chocolate." He grinned. "Thank you and have a good day, ma'am." He went back out to his truck and drove off.

The Goddess Aba walked in to look at the books. "He is most unusual but I can see why my sister likes him." She smiled. "Maisy's allergic to cow's milk and chocolate. He'll find her something cute to make her quit pouting I'm sure." She sat down to read the problems manual. It did list her temple as being a neutral place and her not being evil, but not putting up with most human problems. Which was true. Whoever had gotten hers right at least. Her siblings' profiles were mostly right too. "My brother's dating?" she demanded to the book.

"By the rumors, he's dating his priestess and tutor."

"Mother must be appalled." They shared a smile. It explained why her brother was being sent to her to study for a few months. Her mother was not subtle, though she was a Goddess of Mountains so subtle wasn't really her area of governance.

***

Xander looked up as a group burst into his motel room. "Guys, I need to fix this and give it to my mini so she's protected from the humans." One tried to grab him so he stabbed him with the hot soldering iron. The guy screamed and flinched away from him. "I said I have to fix this for my baby slayer. You can wait twenty minutes and I have to pack anyway." They glared but he did finish it and then got up to pack. On the way out he detoured to the mini's house to hand it over. "Here you go." He smiled.

"I'll be back in a few weeks. Watch the truck for me." He handed over the keys with a wink and a grin. "No letting your brother play in it." She nodded, hugging her toy. "Good girl. Give me a few weeks. The people in DC sent a strike team." She huffed. "I know." She nodded so he left, letting them pull him off.

They hadn't let him grab his battle axe but he summoned it and used the shrinking spell on it to hide it in his bag. And his daggers. He might need those. He stared at the head of the strike team. "They decided to send SHIELD after me? Are you supposed to take me out on the way there so I don't send you all to therapy?"

"No. No orders to terminate you have come down. The president ordered us to grab you so you can answer to him."

"I don't answer to that man. He's not in my chain of command. Slayers are multi-national." He grinned. "I can buy property somewhere and start citizenship giving up paperwork if he wants."

"I doubt he does," the lead agent complained. "We don't want you in charge of SHIELD either, Harris."

"Good. Then I'm going to show my ass a bit in DC." They stared at him. He grinned back. "Did you know that sometime in the early 1920's there was a temple to chaos gods built in DC to soak up the natural chaos flowing out?"

"Is it broken or is it growing again?" one of the agents asked.

"Broken and blocked."

"Please fix that," that agent complained.

"Yup, I sure can." They got him onto a flight and brought him back to his homeland. He rested that night then broke away from them before breakfast. He'd have a full day. He summoned a demonic cab company car and let them show him where things were. Xander snuck into the temple and sighed. He had stopped to get a paintbrush and some cheap paint. He fixed the two marks on the floor, making the temple seem to groan. Then he grabbed two things off the altar. That made it sound like a happier sigh. Xander looked up.

"You didn't have to prompt him to bring me here. I would've asked Ancy to come move them for you." He looked around and kicked something over to break it. The temple lit up and started to draw in power again. "There you go. Let us know if you need that sort of help. I helped D'Isor rebuild and Morth. I can help you rebuild too." He carried the stuff off the altar to the head overlord's house. He was demonic mafia and everyone knew that. He knocked politely, then smiled at the guard. "Just gotta hand these to him and announce I'm being forced to be local for a few hours if I can."

"Who're you, Human?"

"Watcher Xander Harris. The one in the big house sent a strike team to pull me here so I'm solving a problem or three. Next I'm going to talk to that street gang." He beamed at him.

"They won't talk to humans."

"They will because I can suck the possessions out of their bikes by accident." The guard shuddered but went to tell his boss, who came to the door. "Overlord. He sent a strike team to pull me so I'm doing my best to right a few problems." He held out the things from the altar. "It was blocked from sucking up the chaos floating around."

"I felt that reactivate." He took the two things. "Oh!" He stared at one. "It's an angelic artifact."

"One from each side," Xander agreed. "One trapped being in each." He grinned again. "I fixed the temple but it could use some plaster and painting work to redo it fully. I figured it'd help slow down the problems we're having with the current issues."

"I...yes it probably does, Watcher Harris."

"Overlord, I'm still the same asshole who backed up Buffy," he said quietly then grinned. "You have a good day and I'm going to talk to that biker gang next. And then I'm going to see if I can talk to Amara's people. D'Isor said to give her greetings to them and I know they're nocturnal."

"Yes, they are." He stared at him. "You're proving they don't want you?" He grinned and nodded. "You fixing problems...."

"Will be appreciated by the right sort but not the sort that have debts. Which I'm told the one on high doesn't, but a lot of his people seem to."

"They do," he agreed. "It's amusing."

"Not to the humans. They've been wanting Faith to run for Congress since right after the LA invasion." The overlord moaned. Xander grinned and nodded. "They're getting a lot more pushy too."

"Oh, dear. That poor slayer. Which means we'd have one here....oh!" He stared at Xander, who was just grinning. "Thank you for sharing that, Harris."

"Welcome," he chirped. "Let me get back to my fixing problems to spare myself having to move all my minis over here. With their families. And possibly D'Isor herself because I'd miss her temple's cooking and fussy healers." He bowed and skipped off.

The overlord closed the door and went to call that gang to warn them, and then others to warn them that Harris was doing good work but making chaos gods happy again.

***

Phil Coulson and Maria Hill were kicked back on a couch in Avengers tower watching Harris move through DC to do his own version of good deeds on the city's security systems. It wasn't always a great video quality but they saw enough of it that it was amusing. And how Rumlow had lost the kid almost on purpose to see what he'd do. The others of that team were complaining and trying to find Harris but hadn't managed it yet. They didn't even seem to realize that there was a demonic cab company that Harris was using to find his way around. Hill had a bowl of popcorn and was highly amused. Coulson had a beer. This was the best show they'd seen in a long time. Since Hawkeye had went to solve problems with the Russian mob.

"I can't believe he's petting the possessed bikes," she said, taking his beer to get a drink then handing it back. He took some of the popcorn for that.

"They seem like they're nice bikes. It's leaning into his hand. I'm wondering if they're possessed like the vengeance bikes are."

"Could be," she admitted. "I know almost nothing about Reyes."

He nodded. "I've talked to him a few times." He stole another bite of popcorn to watch Xander go to another temple and say something, getting a face slap then hugged. "Apparently they know him."

She grinned. "That's a girlish move of 'you didn't call' or something like that." He nodded he'd seen it before. The temple nicely fed him tea and let him flirt with the goddess until the strike team broke in to grab him. The agents were very huffy until the Goddess waved her hand and then most of them fell down to masturbate. "Huh." Xander said something before kissing her on the cheek and letting them steal him. The agents got dumped outside and picked up by someone else. "Huh. That's your girl, Phil."

"It is." He called her. "Melinda, why are you picking up agents who were there to steal Harris from Africa? Those agents just got punished by being rude to a goddess." He listened to her while on the camera she was looking around. "Yes I am watching on cctv. We're seeing what Harris would do today." She groaned.

"Get them back to the infirmary, Melinda. They interrupted so she waved a hand and made them want their hands. Separate them if you can." He hung up and sighed, stealing more popcorn. Maria got another sip of his beer when he offered it in payment. "The president told her to clean up any mess Harris made today."

"We warned the FBI about that double agent at that embassy that was going to go after him if he heard he was local. They decided to ignore it until the idiot tried and got gassed for it. What's DC going to do if he does have to move there?"

"Hopefully calm down but I won't bet on it." She nodded she agreed. "How's Nick?"

"I got my birthday card this morning." He grinned and laughed a bit. "He's having to move bases again. Someone in his geek core blew up a lab."

"Sounds about usual." She nodded. She had dealt with a lot of them around Stark Industries. They watched Harris be drug into the white house and an attack happened. Hill called that in to local agents. They had better cameras available there. The president was screaming that Harris hadn't moved to protect him when they found he was in there.

"Yeah, I was protecting the people that didn't have Secret Service guards to protect them. You know, innocent beings." He looked at one of the guards, who was wincing. "So, since that was only the minor price on my head...." He looked at the president again. "Beyond that, I'm not into saving people who should learn to save themselves. I save humanity as a whole but I'm not going to individually save someone whose whole family has made demonic deals. And the ones who have the human debts wouldn't appreciate it if I did. It'd mean longer before they take them."

He smirked a tiny bit. "Also, I told you repeatedly I don't want any part of your corrupt, unknowing group. I may not be a college graduate but I learned plenty that I need to know. Hell, I could call in one of my debts and take your job if I wanted to be in politics. You notice I'm not?" The guards were wincing. "Also, having me dragged here probably cost at least six people their lives as I wasn't where I had to be and couldn't stop a raid. I'll have to go avenge them later this week."

"You're staying!"

"No I'm not and I can easily go buy some property and switch my citizenship. Or go ask for asylum." He gave him a smug look. "Not like I wanted to come back here. The US holds very little for me. Also, SHIELD has a head. He's a decent guy who does the right thing when he's pointed at a problem. I'm not taking him out of his seat. Or any other intelligence agency position because I'm not qualified. I know you do that a lot but it's not me." He looked at the guards again. "If you'll excuse me, I need to buy my mini I was working with a treat because I had to cut short our training times."

One of the guards winced. "We're not sure the ones who raided didn't get her, Harris."

"Then they're going to die. Horribly." He pulled out his phone to text someone. "No, they tried to grab her but her watching toy got it for her. She's been in the basement. But the nice demon will still go avenge her toy. And the other seven apparently. It got one of her family's goats." He sent back a thank you and put his phone up. Then he looked at the head idiot in charge.

"Sorry but things have to come first in my life. My minis are just like that. You have a better day." He turned and walked off. He got outside before the agents who had hauled him out of Africa got to him. And about then an ex-girlfriend showed up. "Mercy!" He gave her a hug and a kiss. "I'm escaping the bad ideas to go back to around the girls. Why are you in town?"

"I'm here to cause a bit of hell." She sniffed him. "Hmm. You smell nice."

"The motel had nice soap." He grinned. "I fixed the temple that wasn't sucking up the chaos energy so it's probably safe to cause a bit of hell."

"I think she's doing that just by showing up," Rumlow complained. "Ma'am, we have a capture or kill on sight order for you."

Xander grinned at him. "I wouldn't try."

"You being gone would suit a lot of people," he warned.

Xander grinned. "Sure, then you solve the one that wants to flirt with me." He pointed at the demon that was fading into view. "Dear, they kidnaped me."

"I heard. It's so wrong." She hugged Xander and Miss Mercy. "So cute! You should come with me to perform for my people. Then we can put you both back in Africa."

"I don't do porn for anyone," Xander quipped but he was blushing. "It takes all the fun out of it."

"Hmmm." She cuddled him. "Pity. Did you think I came to flirt?"

"Probably. I fixed the chaos temple." She moaned and gave him a squeeze. "It was necessary. I even got to pet a possessed bike. It was very sweet to purr at me."

Mercy shook her head. "Xander, quit. Please? You're creeping me out."

"Sorry, Mercy." He kissed her again and grinned. "It's been hours since I ate more than tea cookies." She shivered. "Or had some fun. Africa needs more amusement parks with roller coasters." She kissed him to shut him up. Her team and Xander got removed back to Africa, and his bag got summoned by the witch they landed near. "Thanks." He kissed the demon, who fell down to have a happy moment. "Hmm. Mercy, are you wearing poisoned lipstick?"

"Of course. I always do."

"Huh. Probably an aphrodisiac to her people then. If I was closer I could get something from Anya's memory box but it's in the truck." The demon summoned it and he got her something from the back, letting her have relations with her hand. He looked at Mercy. "Feed me, beauteous one?"

"Hmm. If only so you're less goofy."

"I have to be goofy soon by going to avenge a raid on my mini's town." He smirked a tiny bit. "Her watching toy worked perfectly."

"Oh, my," she moaned. She jumped Xander and it was good like usual. The witch scurried back home but Mercy was one happy bad girl. The demon got to watch and she was happier too. So it was a happy night all around. Then Xander could get back there to handle the group near his mini. Mercy did give him some great, nasty ideas.

***

Hill and Coulson turned off the cameras they had found to switch to. Both of them were blushing. But it was good Harris wasn't stressed any more. Hill looked at him. "The threats conference. Is he going?"

"I don't think so."

"Make sure he does go for part of it. Make sure Nick makes sure there's no Skrull too please." He nodded. "Maybe he'll stop anyone out to stop it by getting more happy." She got up. "Let me...go shower. That was nasty." She went to her rooms to shower, change, and giggle over the chaos that Harris had brought in just a day in DC.

Coulson went to make notes and talk to Melinda. She was not going to be amused. He could ignore the president's calling by not being in the office too. So win-win.

***

Back in Washington, DC, demons all over the city were having a long talk as they gathered in a park to protest how the humans were being idiots. Some humans joined in with them, they were usually found protesting the idiocy going on somewhere in the city. More demons, some more harmful, showed up and whispered about the 'Knight fixing things'. The stories got spread, and a bit embellished.

By the time the agents and police showed up to stop the protest starting it was getting too large for them to effectively do more than be scared of. Then the biker gang got there and their second-in-command stood up to tell the group what Harris had told him about some of the Old Ones hiding in Africa and how even they had to defend against agents attacking peaceful communities. How the Knight had helped rebuild a few, with the mini slayers helping.

One of the demons that appeared nodded and told about how the tiny one was offering hugs to anyone who needed one and then went to help cook that night. She had worn herself out helping them but it was sweet of the tiny one. The other demons nodded they appreciated that sort of thing. The agents were calling in about what was going on to get backup and to let the higher ups know that some guy named Knight had been in town. The demons were still going to protest, and the Knight had reminded them to make sure it was a peaceful action.

It'd look good on the community and bad on the ones who tried to attack. The biker gang protected the others when agents did rush in to attack the demons, they were happy to do that. The news crews caught that happening, and had heard most of the talks going on. The news was chanting praise on the demons for remaining peaceful to protest being treated like lesser slave beings.

One of the slayers called in about it being an immigration issue as well. Most of the ones protesting in DC had fled from a stupid warlord wannabe who had taken out a good few planes to do that via genocide by chemical weapons. She shared what they had heard about those wars and the warlords. And how Buffy had taken him out when he had shown up in LA a few years ago.

The press were happy with that too. It made a lot of sense to them and the demons were happy to add in support for their brethren by staging other protests in other major demon enclave cities. The president was having a fit about the protests in the press but the demons made sure it stayed peaceful.

It really didn't look good on the agents, or the president.

***

Hill and Coulson got a head's up from FRIDAY, the Stark AI, so they turned back on the news to watch how the protests played out. The first mention of the Knight made Coulson wince. It did show that they wanted to stay peaceful, and the Knight had encouraged it, plus how strong the real community was.

Hill tipped her head to the side. "That's the Overlord in DC," she said with a point. "Right upper quadrant."

Coulson looked then sighed. "I've had him identified in the past as being with the demonic mafia."

"Huh." She nodded, going to make some more popcorn. And get Phil another beer. It wasn't every day that a peaceful, world changing protest got started spontaneously. She winced when she heard the soundbite of the President screaming about whoever that Knight was, to arrest him and throw him under the jail.

Phil called a contact in the Secret Service. "It's Coulson. Yes, I'm still alive. The president's calling for the arrest and torture of Xander Harris. Yes, that watcher guy he wanted to take my job," he said dryly, taking his beer with a grin for Maria. "He's called the White Knight in the demon underground I'm told. He was also forcefully escorted to DC earlier and just turned the president down in person."

He opened the beer to take a sip. "We know he talked to the city's overlord, that biker gang, and a few temples. The demons have all said repeatedly that the guy had suggested they stay peaceful. Yes, that's a good thing. No, he's back in Africa and the president demanded her be pulled out of there by strike team yesterday. He got what he wanted without getting a single thing he wanted." He took another sip and stole some popcorn. "Huh, they just started a sister protest in LA but have stated it will be in brotherhood with the one in DC and will stay peaceful."

Maria stole the beer to drink some. "And there's one from Cleveland, with the slayers joining in. Including the two senior girls," he noted. The head of the Secret Service groaned and hung up on him. Phil put his phone away, taking some more popcorn. The peaceful protests were highlighting what the demon communities have done for the US, and how the slayers had helped them do it. The rest of the team showed up to watch it with them.

The press was keeping track of the president having a fit, and the agents joining in to the peaceful protests in solidarity. That only made the president madder. The vice president too. His religion hated demons of all kinds, species, and alignments. Thankfully someone in the press noted the vice president was having a heart attack so the agents could get him to an emergency room. The president went off on that too and a lot of his plots came out when he screamed at the agents guarding him. Ooops.

Stark shook his head but he was smiling slightly. "Someone said that Harris was beloved by a few chaos gods somehow."

Phil Coulson hummed but nodded. "Clearly."

***

Nick Fury accepted the video call, nodding at Coulson as he did some paperwork. "What's wrong?"

"The upcoming threat analysis meeting, we want Harris to show up to talk to people. Including some of his probable lovers who might try to interrupt. You've mentioned two names that we know he's spent time with for whatever reason." Nick glared at him. "They're probably going to be talking about demon problems anyway, Nick."

"Point. Though I hate it. What happened in DC?"

"He used a demon cab company to hit a few locations. He fixed the temple that was sucking up the chaos in DC. He talked to the overlord then a street gang that rides possessed bikes. Which seemed to like him petting them. Then he told off the president and walked out to find a sometimes girlfriend to save him by taking him back down there. The SHIELD agents didn't even realize there was a demonic cab company outside Rumlow. Who let him go to see what he'd do." He smirked slightly. "He also had tea with a Goddess. Then the protests started after he had left the city."

Nick dropped his pen with a sigh, staring at the monitor. "He's a menace, Phil."

"Only if you make him be one. He's proven that a number of times. Use him as a resource, not an irritation you have to go behind to clean up after, Nick."

"I can't...."

"You can, you don't because he's young and cocky and wins battles with a battleaxe. You're seeing and treating him like you originally did Clint. Which is a well used comparison. Apparently Harris used to read Hawkeye's comics and look up to him."

"That explains a lot," Fury complained, leaning back. "I am treating him like Barton." Coulson nodded. "And you're right, they're like siblings."

"I did the DNA test. They're not related."

"That's good!"

"Treat him like an outside contractor that you sometimes lean on. He's good at that and could use all the support he could get. After all, if he gets too injured, the girls have no support."

"That's something no one wants to think about," Fury agreed. "But I'd rather he retired to one place and trained them from that out-of-the-way location. Before he blows up another base."

"Then don't let HYDRA steal your bases," Phil said patiently, staring at him. "Or attack the local communities. He did avenge them very well."

"Boy needs spandex," Fury complained.

"Well, Natasha did talk to those same people you went to about the comic books they used to do. So perhaps they'll do some of his problems." He gave him a pointed look. "Keep it up and I'll see if Pepper wants a boytoy on the side. I can just see Stark and Harris getting together to cheer her up."

Fury shuddered. "Don't even tease that horrible idea," he complained. Coulson just smiled. "Fine! If he's near there I'll ask to see if anyone wants to talk to him about how to protect themselves. Maybe it'll mean he can settle down and not get in the way." He hung up and got back to his paperwork with a huff. He hated the very idea of Harris talking to world leaders but maybe he'd be able to stop jumping into things that he shouldn't be able to win but does.

***

Xander strolled into the throne room of Wakanda, getting glared at for being so casual. "So, I've managed to capture the demon that was pretending to be your mother," he announced, making the king groan. "And killed the two that were pretending to be your sister. Neither of them were very good. One thought she was ten and the other thought she was about as old as your mother."

He grinned slightly. "And they're seriously poisonous so you should check them to make sure neither was exposed?" He smiled at one of the guards. "They had a few who were wearing your uniforms but looked like average people. They're down too. The only reason we spared the queen is because she's got some sort of gem on her that's protecting her from being killed. And it looks like a nano particle device a guy I knew in high school used to think up so I've got to check on Andrew to make sure he didn't make it for them. Or have it stolen."

King T'Challa huffed. "Are you ill, Watcher Harris?"

"Um, yup." He grinned and nodded. "But I'm mostly immune to their poisons. Yay mermaid taint," he finished with a smirk. "But anyway, she's tied up and gagged in the back of the truck if you want her and her protection amulet of however-it-got-made."

"Please," General Okoye said as she came out. "The poison?"

"I'd wear gloves," Xander admitted. "They sweat it out. It's blue and stinky and sticky. It's like biological honey only it's poisonous sweat." She nodded, getting some gloves sent while they went to get the demon. He opened the truck and gassed her again, then looked at the general. "All yours." He got her pulled forward. The gloves were handed over and Shuri walked over to look. "That amulet looks like a nano particle thing Andrew designed in our senior year," he told her. "I have no idea if they stole it or he made it or what."

Shuri waved a hand. "Your breath is horrible."

"Hmm. Yeah, probably a side effect of the poison but I'm still mostly immune." He grinned. "And I'm going to go hide once you guys have her."

"Their lair or whatever?" the general asked.

"Gone. They were in the middle of nowhere doing a rite to call back a demon queen. This one had a prayer written so the demon knew that who she looked like would pledge to her. Which would lead the hell goddess here to claim her newest worshipper and get mad when she wasn't. Probably making her destroy most of a city so they could get the metal stuff you guys hide." Shuri moaned but nodded once. "So anyway, all her clan are gone. She's the only one left and I can't behead her if she's got the amulet on and I can't get it off her."

"We'll figure that out," Shuri promised. Some of the guards with gloves came out to move her to a cell. She looked at the young watcher. "We can see if we can treat that."

"No you can't." He smiled. "Your people still think I'm a science experiment. I had to thump one around last month who tried to sneak in and take blood. Pity about his broken arms."

"We hadn't heard about that," Shuri said, looking at the general, who shrugged. Xander got into his phone to show them his picture and the report. "Oh, he was one of us but we sent him off a few years ago for bad ideas." She handed the phone back.

"And he was paid." Xander grimaced. "He begged that the ones who paid him to come pounce me only wanted a few pints of blood and some skin. I'd be able to live without those. Which is why his arms were broken." Shuri patted him on the covered part of his arm before walking off.

Okoye looked at him. "Is it always like that around you?"

"Sometimes. I think I'm a chaos god's favorite soap opera sometimes."

"I can see why. Go get an antidote, just in case." He sighed but nodded and went to drive his truck off. She could alert other nearby areas so they could make sure he didn't die of it on his way to wherever he was heading this time. She sent an email to that temple down south that had the healers he willingly went to as well, just in case they'd need to fuss at him for it.

Shuri looked at her mother, who came down to see the demon pretending to be her. "She was going to vow you to the demon they were calling."

Her mother just nodded once. "I would not like that."

"Which would lead to the demon destroying part of the city so these demons could break in to get our metals."

Her mother walked off nodding to tell her son. "Find how to stop her, daughter."

"The amulet is being looked at," she agreed. "We have to destroy it or remove it first." One of her people was looking up that species in the identification manuals they had been given by the watcher. Shuri got to get samples of the poison she put out. The amulet was interesting enough that she kept it in a containment vessel for study once they had cut it off the demon's neck. The demon died shortly after that by her mother's hand.

In the lab that night, a demon's paw came through the amulet and grabbed it to pull it through itself. It didn't think the humans deserved his gifts. Shuri woke up to her people freaking out about that but she had plenty of readings on it so she could replicate it. If not, maybe she'd look up what that Andrew person had done in high school.

***

Buffy walked out to the impatiently staring press people on their doorstep in Cleveland, staring back at them. "What?" she demanded. "You know we only just got up after patrol last night. What's happened now? New battle? Huge demon? Xander died saving someone?"

One of the reporters cleared his throat. "Slayer Summers, the president has ordered a round up of all demons to be executed as illegal immigrants we can't keep in custody."

"That's genocide. Are you guys still fawning over him?" she demanded. Most of them shook their heads. "Fine. We'll deal with that." She walked off calling someone. "I just heard. How bad and how can we help?" She listened as she walked back inside, pausing to look over her shoulder. "Guys, the baby slayers all got moved about an hour ago. It's worse than you think." She walked in and shut the door. "Yup, I'm about to." She called someone else.

"It's Buffy." She ran a hand over her hair. "I just talked to myself from an hour from now on Faith's phone." She listened to the horrified moaning. "He not only bombed a lot of you and us, but tried to get most enclaves that way instead of capturing. How do you want us to help you handle it?" She checked the house. It was all but empty. Her and Giles and Phipps in the library packing up some of the books. Buffy used the emergency packing button and nodded at him. "We don't have time for that, Phipps. Go with Giles. Now please."

"You...."

"I just talked to myself from an hour from now." He shuddered but nodded, taking Rupert with him to evacuate. Buffy made sure the house was empty then grabbed her favorite sword, using it to cut her hand. "Fix this shit, please," she muttered. "I use my life debts owed, all of them, to fix this shit!" she shouted. She felt like something ripped from her but suddenly the house wasn't about to be bombed. The minis were safe. All the minis were safe. And Xander was standing behind her. She looked up. "Do we need more?"

"Yeah. I've got two that'll help." He patted her on the head. He walked outside. "D'Hoffryn, I formally summon thee and call in the debts I inherited," he shouted. "The debts you know you owed to Halfrek and Anyanka. I do in their names demand that you fix this shit before they must be called back to retake their duties to solve it themselves." The demon lord appeared glaring at him. He stared back. "Unless you want to watch all the US go up in flames?"

"The only way we could do that would be a coup and it would damage the communities."

"Not totally," Xander said with a smirk. "There's other ways. That's just the most satisfying. But probably take too long." He stared at him. "Do I have to call in my debt from Percator?" he asked quietly. "I can do that instead." D'Hoffryn shuddered and shook his head. "How about we fix it so all the demon communities are safe from that shit? I'm not going to be polite or political but if I have to stomp someone get me there and I'll gladly help."

"That's my job, Xander," Buffy said from the doorway. She still had her sword in her hand. "I can go stomp someone."

"You calling in the debts you used means you're going to be a six month statue," Xander quipped. Then he grinned and waved a hand. He looked at D'Hoffryn. "So, how do we fix this shit the fastest and best way without a coup?"

The demon stared at him. "We ask someone to have taken him seriously."

Xander grinned. "That's so sweet. Can they?"

"Hmm." He looked up. "He doesn't like that idea because it means he's stuck with that thing as an eternal minion."

"Who he can trade off," Xander pointed out. "It's that or genocide or all of DC being destroyed. And probably a golf course somewhere."

"Those things confuse many of us. Golf is annoying." The demon lord looked up then nodded once. "We will not harm the harmless or those without debts." Xander stared at him until he backed away. "Freely given ones, not ones where a parent used one on their child." Xander tipped his head. "It shall be done. Halfrek's wish granted to save the children of the peaceful communities." D'Hoffryn stared at him. "Do I need to use both?"

"Not if you do it right the first time," Xander quipped. The demon shivered but nodded. And suddenly there was a bill of rights and naturalization pathways for demons as of two years earlier. That the Supreme Court upheld. The protest still happened but now the bombing order wasn't going to be allowed. Someone tried to attack the slayer house but Xander shot him when he ran towards him with a gun. "Dude, seriously, not even the first this week," he said calmly.

He looked at the statue of Buffy and sighed, picking her up with a grunt to move her somewhere safer. Then he went outside to restart the house's defenses that Willow kept cutting off because it irritated her magic. He nodded and grinned at the reporters. "Be damned if we're going to allow genocide, people. I'm pretty sure at least some of you remember." He walked around the fountain to rescue the demon bunny that was outside the gate. He picked it up to pet. "You're a good biting bunny. Go be safe." He put it down so it could go hide under a bush.

He looked at the reporters again. "Those who made us act this morning should probably be very wary of pissing off the people that should protect all of you. After all, we don't *have* to fall in for battles. And doing this made sure a lot of the younger slayers won't ever fall in for battles. Sucks, dude, but maybe some of you can emigrate." He walked back into the house, kicking the door shut.

"It's safe!" he shouted. "I'm pretty sure it's safe." He went to the library to wait, finding they had left his named Book of Problems. He settled in to read it, making notes on what Phipps had gotten wrong. He had misinterpreted a lot of things wrong so Xander basically got to rewrite his own book of 'I handled this' as he retitled it. Giles could be pissed later.

His phone rang. "Yuppers?" He listened. "Is everyone all right? Actually I'm in Cleveland but I can be sent up to New York pretty fast, Barton. If you need me to I can do that. No, put me on speaker." He waited until he heard the beep. "Guys, it's Xander," he said calmly. "If they come anyway, they're in violation of the law and you can arrest them. It's everybody's right to arrest people. Or just knock them out and tie them up for the right ones to deal with.

"We know some who will and the guy who called me does too. Guys, this guy is Hawkeye, like in the comics and in the poker circuit with some of us. You can trust him. He can help and I'll be sent up if you need me to." He listened. "Yeah, that's a bad thing. Put the phone near her. Hey, D'Nar, don't hurt the ones who're protecting the community. I know there are some."

He listened. "Exactly. Protect the innocent and those who're willing to be human shields. That's what I'll do if I need to be sent up. Right now I'm guarding the main house. No, all the girls are already safe. The...shit. No one thought of them.

"Okay. I'll....thank you, Barton. Do they actually know where...that's even better. Thanks, dude. If you need me personally to come up I will, D'Nar. Right now I'm guarding the statue of Buffy. Thanks, dear. I'll see you soon and if I die doing this, I'll reincarnate as a biting rose bush for you." She giggled and promised she could do that for him. He hung up and went back to editing his book while thinking about his contacts. He called one.

"It's Xander," he said quietly. "Please help the minis in the orphan's house. They forgot to evacuate the ones in North Dakota." He listened. "He is. Help the girls? Thanks, dude." He hung up and popped his neck before going back to his editing. He added in a few new reports too. Thankfully the book was actually a three ring binder so they could easily add later sheets. He tossed it onto the emergency packing spot so it could fall into the library then got up and went to get something to drink. The attack on the house happened fairly fast but he was expecting it. Buffy's statue got put into a closet and Xander went to deal with the idiots.

"Hey, hateful morons," he called with a wave and a grin. "That won't work. Even if you make it through the protections you're going to die for it. Because I quit being nice years ago when I had to. Then again, middle school was like that." One did manage to get through the protections but Xander just winged him in the knee. The guy went down with a scream and Xander sighed, leaning against the doorframe to sip his cocoa. This was going to be a shitty day and he deserved cocoa.

He looked at the still staring reporters. "Ya know, we in the Sunnydale team stopped it the last time we found a group of government people doing genocide and torture on the demon communities," he said dryly but loudly enough to be heard. "I stopped some on my route. Faith stopped some that she found doing it. We protested at a college until they kicked the torturing sickos out too. Now we'll have to fight the next group of genocidal fuckheads I guess.

"Though there is that pesky order by a congressional group to name me to head an intelligence agency... Which I don't want." He sipped his cocoa and shot the next one that made it through. One of them spotted the demonic news station's team showing up and shouted, getting them attention. Xander shot them in non-fatal ways. He waved at the reporters. "Thanks for proving I'm more than pretty," he shouted with a grin. He looked at the other ones again. "Everyone thinks I'm the normal, average, guy one. They do seem to forget what I've had to do to save others."

"Mr. Harris, have you talked to SHIELD today?"

"No. Though someone did ask them to protect a few girls that got missed in the evacuation. I have no idea why the coven forgot them." He took another drink and shot the agent who had a demon child by the throat to use as a shield. That one...it wasn't non-fatal, unfortunately. "Don't torture kids. That's wrong," he told the body. He walked out to get the kid. "Hey, you okay?" She shook her head and cried. Xander picked her up to cuddle.

"It's all right. I'm here and you're safe for now. We'll get you back to your family as soon as we can," he cooed, patting her like he would any crying kid. She sniffled, looking at him. He grinned. "I'm Xander, kitten. They don't do this when I'm around." She shivered but nodded, putting her head back down. He looked at the demon news reporters. "Can you get someone here to pick her up safely?" he called. They nodded.

"You can come over too. It's important that you show the others if they're safe or not. Not like demons watch Faux news." They smiled but came over. Xander went back inside the gates. The girl got put down. "Go hide in the kitchen. Get an apple or something. You're too tiny and need to eat." She ran in there. Xander settled himself on the front stoop. "We'll wait out more stupid. I know there's a lot more coming. It seems to be growing." He got up to get more cocoa, handing the kid the fruit bowl with a smile. Then he went back outside to sit down again. He could get up easily enough from that spot.

An agent in a suit, without body armor, showed up. "Mr. Harris, you're being arrested for threatening the US government."

"They can blow me," Xander said. "They have no right to do that. And if they try, I'm having someone call in debts."

"Threatening more people won't help you any," he sneered.

Xander grinned. "That's not a threat, sweetie." He sipped his cocoa. "Then again, you can't cross the wards either. The pin you're wearing shows that you're part of an anti-demon conspiracy group." The agent did get barely across the gateway before his whole life was shown to everyone watching. "It's the intent wards," Xander quipped with a grin for him. "To prove what sort of person you are." The agent ran off. Xander shrugged and finished that cup of cocoa. A dark car pulled up and a guy got out wearing dark glasses. "Damn, I haven't seen you since Somalia. What're you doing up here, Bradley?"

"I came to help evacuate the child, Xander. Are you all right?"

"Pissed enough to be thinking seriously about making a group of people just like me to handle things." He stood up and stared at him. "I can't let you near the kid. While I trust you around the minis, and around me, I know about your sister's ideas."

Bradley grimaced. "She's in Utah. Starting her own cult to work against your future one." He smirked a tiny bit. "I can drop her at the bar."

"It's been evacuated. It's only got illusions on it as part of the protections," he said in Swahili. Bradley winced but nodded. "So yeah, can't let you. Otherwise it'd be great to see you today." He stared at him. "Is that Roddy?" Bradley nodded. "Thanks for the help, dude. Go guard a mini or two?"

"If I can." He stared at him. "You sure?"

"Yeah. She'll be fine. She can hide with Buffy." He grinned slightly. "The protections are really wicked around here. It had to be." The bad guy boyfriend shuddered but nodded and left again. Xander sat back down. He looked inside and the girl was staring at the statue of Buffy for now. Then he waited on more attacks of stupid to happen. There were agents sitting across the street now to watch what came up on the intent wards. Anyone that had something that could get them in legal trouble got arrested. Xander grinned at them the first time they did that.

***

The new president came onto the news that night. "After the mess earlier, we have voted to remove the former president and the vice president due to their actions and calls for people to attack peaceful beings who just want to exist," she announced. She stared at the press people. "By the law I am the next in line and will only be here until we hold the next regular election." That got a few nods.

"Frankly, I can see why people do not want to hold this job. Especially after auditing the orders the former president has put out in the last few months. Unfortunately we found what many suspected, treason. Multiple counts of treason." She cleared her throat. "As of this moment, the order to attack the demonic communities is rescinded and canceled. It will not be redone. There is a law before congress to make sure it can't happen again.

"There's also pardons, if necessary, in place for any who protected the demon communities for their actions today. And the few that had to protect innocent slayers as well because we heard a few of theirs nearly got hurt as well. We'll be holding a talk with them once the ones in charge get back into the US. We'll be holding a peace treaty with the heads of the demonic communities as well. Just like we had to do with the Native Americans, we have to do it again. Only this time we plan on sticking to the treaties."

One reporter raised her hand. "What about Mr. Harris?"

"I believe he did nothing that needs a pardon but if he needs one he's on our list. He was quite heroic and strong to defend the girls and their headquarters earlier. His and Slayer Summers' sacrifices to protect the communities was noted and appreciated. It was something that many of us would've done if we could have and had the knowledge they have. Frankly, I can see why the last president crushed on Mr. Harris.

"He's the poster for what a man should do and the last president was lacking in those skills. I just hope he doesn't have to become a role model for anyone because then the rest of us have failed to protect our people." She cleared her throat again. "I'm also going to rescind the sub committee order to put Mr. Harris in charge of some intelligence agency. While it'd be good for us, it'd be horrible for his sworn duty.

"I'd never take someone away from that sort of duty. He has a lot of raising to do with the baby slayers in Africa. And apparently a goddess who gardens that thought he'd make a great carnivorous rose bush." She smiled slightly. "I need to ask her for a cutting so we can plant one here at the White House garden. It'd be a nice protective measure and I'm sure they're pretty."

"Can the communities go on stand down?" one reporter called.

"Yes, they should be able to. I won't promise there's not failures of humans who'll attack them, just like any other time. It is not legally allowed. It will not be tolerated. Those failures of humanity have to live within the laws, the same as the peaceful communities do. The hateful ones probably hate anyone not like them already but oh well. The US is diverse and they have to get used to that." She stared at them. "Thank you to all those who helped today. You showed the true worth of humanity and we thank you for it, for giving us time to act to stop it."

"Ma'am," another reporter said, standing up. "Your name was on the list of people who owed demonic debts. Can we ask what you did?"

"I wished away about ten percent of my soul for my sister to survive being attacked by idiots like those who attacked the demonic communities," she said bluntly, staring at him. "I don't consider that a sin."

"Oh," the reporter said, sitting down. "We were hoping you weren't one of the evil ones."

"No, I'm only evil if you're drunk and my son," she said with a smirk. "He'd tell you the same thing." She looked around. "Any other problematic laws or orders he created, we'll be taking this week to go over. If you have a particularly bad one you're concerned about call your local senator's office so they can pass it along. If your senator isn't one who'll do that, call one who is. I personally like the ones from Maine and the one from upper Nevada for that.

"They all know how to pass on concerns and complain loudly about things when necessary." That got a few laughs. "I'm going to go clean out the office. You have a less worried night, people." She walked off. Behind her cameras were going off and reporters were making reports to their people back at the office. She looked at the mess from the arrests and sighed. "This is going to suck huge," she told herself. "But only two years." Someone knocked and she flinched. "What?" she called, calming herself down.

A guard leaned in. "Ma'am, we have the heads of three intelligence agencies here waiting to brief you and one on his way in."

"That's fine. Would they do that together or separately? I don't know how classified they are."

"Could be together, ma'am."

"Give me a minute to clean up the desk and let all four in together." He nodded, going to tell them that. They wondered about the fourth until a calm, balding man walked up the hallway with a tablet. Then they knew.

"Coulson," one said, staring at him. "How..."

"Fury," he admitted. "Nick basically tortured me back into life. Then he went to hide from me by hunting HYDRA." He sat down. "Is she okay?"

"Not yet," they said.

"Is Fury alive?" another one asked. Coulson nodded. "Where?"

"Tangling with Harris usually. Nick actually yelled at Harris for using a sword while Fury himself didn't join into the battle against the ascended demon." They all groaned. "Yup. He couldn't shoot and didn't have a machete." They just nodded. Coulson smiled slightly. "A few weeks back, Harris was joking about making a whole cult of people who'd handle things like him to take his spot when he died. Nick was horrified but ..."

"If there's going to be one, they'll start after today. They kept a constant feed on the slayer house all day."

"It was nice that the HYDRA person was the nicest who the intent ward showed," Phil agreed. "And they didn't arrest him." The head of the FBI groaned. "It's fine. He was well down the list and was actually helpful today. HYDRA knows they don't want the slayers to lose. They don't want to handle those battles either."

"We thought it was weird but you're right. No one wants to do the slayers' jobs so they'll protect them so they don't have to," the head of the FBI agreed. "I'm still wondering how they decided which agents to kidnap before battles."

"The girls picked on their likeness to Harris," Phil said with a smirk. "I asked Faith once." They groaned but nodded. "Some of my former people offered to be taken as well. That way we hear as well and can ask the Avengers members to join in."

"Stark and Rogers probably would," the head of the CIA agreed. "Hawkeye probably too."

Phil leaned back with a smirk. "Harris used to read his comic books. Used to be his role model." They all groaned. That explained a lot. "I did the DNA tests to make sure they weren't related."

"SHIELD is nuts anyway," the head of the CIA said. Phil nodded that was true. The president opened the office door so they went in there to brief her about problems as they knew them.

***

Phil Coulson showed up that night at the slayer house, smiling at the tiny girl that was still clinging to Xander's thigh. "Is she okay?"

"Yeah. Her mom's on the way," he said quietly, petting over her head. "Sit and wait with me?" Coulson nodded, sitting on the stairs next to them. "This is Director Coulson of SHIELD, kitten." She waved but looked exhausted. The mother parked and ran over. "Easy. She's okay. She had a banana for lunch and a few bunches of grapes for dinner because there's no food. It locked the fridge." He picked her up to hug her. "You have a good, long, safe, happy life, kitten." He kissed her on the cheek before handing her over. "She stared at Buffy's statue all day."

"She's got a statue?" the mother asked, looking her daughter over.

"With the wish she used earlier, it turned her into one for six months. She'll be fine." He grinned. "She was good and safe all day."

"Thank you, Knight."

"They shouldn't have grabbed her." The mother smiled, walking her cuddling daughter off. Xander sat down with a sigh once she was gone. He looked at the guy next to him. "Huge day."

"Very huge day." He sighed. "The girls?"

"Safe. Thank the agents who helped the orphans the witches didn't gather. They thought the protections would help hide the house."

"I can understand that and a few agents wanted to stay there to help the girls for a few weeks."

"As long as they're good people."

"Mostly. One's an ass but won't be toward the girls." Xander nodded at that. "Now what?"

"Once they're back, I got back to my girls."

"Are you sure you want to do that?"

"Yup. Especially if I can kick Nick Fury away from one of their villages."

"I'm sure he'll leave them alone."

"Sometimes."

"Fine. I'll talk to him." He patted him on the arm. "You won't be arrested for anything earlier, and the president has promised a pardon for anything you did today to protect yourself and others." Xander nodded, looking happier with that. "Though you're still in line for some sort of spot. Too many senators are now pointing at you as 'be like him'."

"I'm going to be in Africa again within a week. They'll forget me."

"Good. Though Nick has said that if I fall, he's going to name you." Xander groaned, shaking his head. "Just to be a heroic figurehead. He said he'd name Rogers but Steve glared at him until he quit being smug. He decided it was you or Stark to be the heroic figurehead."

Xander looked over Coulson's shoulder then at him. "If I end up heading SHIELD, Deadpool's my second-in-command, not Hill or your scary agent lady sort. Maybe Barton if Deadpool's died."

"How do you even know about him?"

"Do you think they only made SHIELD comics?" Xander quipped with a grin.

"Oh, dear."

"Yeah. I'm pretty sure that Wade heard about that stuff from his convention of his other selves."

"There's a what now?"

"Do you think Deadpools don't have a convention to talk to their other selves the way the Xanders do?" Coulson shivered. "Also, you should know that the viewers will hate that. It'll be totally boring. You guys do much more interesting things than I'd ever get to be if I become Xander of SHIELD."

"Viewers? There's a demon realm that tapes you?" he demanded, staring at the young guy. Xander grinned and nodded. "Since when!"

"Since at least our junior year of high school. I'm kinda shocked no one here has realized that. I mean, Buffy has her own show. Willow has a show. My show's well liked because I tend to spend some time shirtless." He smirked at him. "Me doing your job would bore people. They'd probably never allow it and might even cancel this whole realm in retaliation."

"Shit."

"Yup. But you're well liked," he said with a pat on the guy's arm. "They think you're competent and hot. They like your scary agent lady and think she should start to flirt with you. The lab geeks should get together. Their fanfiction site...so much bigger and well written for the most part. Though I'm not sure about the ones that want me to put myself between Barton and his work wife."

Coulson held up a hand while shaking his head. Xander just grinned at him. "How long have they been watching me?"

"Since they started to really drool on Tony Stark. They spotted him coming out and got him focused on almost immediately while he was a hostage. They can really spot an origin story."

"So they've spotted me being an agent and handling things, and then started to follow me when I had to take over?" Xander grinned and nodded. "Why?" he sighed.

"You're interesting and competent and hot according to many of them. Though there's a lot of love for the geeks."

"Do they have cutesy names like our fanfiction does?"

"Oh, yeah. Fitz-Simmons is one of the biggest categories. You and May are Philinda." Phil hung his head, shaking it again. "Though there's a few who want you to take in Daisy." Phil shook his head faster. "Me they think I should either go jump between Barton and his work wife, or maybe flirt with Darcy Lewis."

"You're both warping in the same way and like to take care of people in the same manners," Phil said, staring at him. "Do the shows have titles?"

"Mostly names. Yours is called SHIELD. The whole group of you guys is called the MCU or something. I've got the tv guide from the demon bar if you want to look it over." He got up to get it, bringing the last few issues for him to look at. "They play it at the poker hall."

"Does Barton know about that?"

"Probably." He grinned. "He bet that I'd go flirt with Deadpool and whoever Cable is." Phil sighed, taking the viewing guides with him back to his base. Xander grinned at the camera he knew was there. "You know, I can feel the camera, guys." He could almost hear the groaning so he got up to go inside and rest on the couch for a bit.

***

Epilogue:

***

Phil Coulson walked up to where Clint Barton was sitting in a normal bar, swatting him across the back of the head. "That's for not telling me about the betting, the fanfiction, and the shows, Barton."

Clint grinned at him. "Xander tell you?" He glared but nodded. "At least they really like you and you keeping everyone happy means they don't try to take out this realm for being boring."

"I can't just make up emergencies to handle weekly, Hawkeye."

"I know, so do they. If they get that bored and it's near sweeps week, we get an invasion. We all look hot with weapons. A few have complained it's getting too standardized but that's just viewers."

"How did you find out?"

"I was playing poker and some younger kid wanted me to sign his comic book, which wasn't off this realm. It had me basically going subby for Venom." Coulson sat down next to him and got his own beer, paying for another one for Clint too. "So I asked. I just realized that Harris has probably been reading their version and not ours," he said, looking up.

"Considering he called Natasha your work wife...." He stared at him. "How do you handle this?"

"Lots of people watch what we do, Phil." He patted him on the back. "I get a lot of fun watching the trending ideas going on and how they want to pair people. Some have started to want Darcy Lewis and Brock Rumlow to hook up."

"Hell no I'd never take up with a mothering, nice lady," Rumlow complained from his seat in the corner. "And I know about that stuff too. I saw it once when I was tracking the tweety bird there." Clint shot him a grin. "Personally I think Lewis is a plant to counteract some of Harris' chaos drawing."

"Could be. You can go ask her," Clint quipped. "Just watch out for Foster. She hits pretty hard for such a tiny woman." He looked at Coulson again.

"Do we think the Asgardians realize?"

"Nope. Well, Loki does. My comic subscription came in while he had me under control and I nearly broke it to read the newest issue." Phil stared at him so he grinned back. "Every guy's gotta have a role model, Phil."

"Uh-huh." He gulped some of his beer. "I'm going to forget about this talk." He put down a tip on the bar before going to go home and hide from everyone. When Daisy tried to get him to talk to her he sent out the comic book he had found in his mail that morning. She squeaked and ran off to tell Melinda. Phil got a few quiet hours thanks to that. Mostly to not think because he didn't want to think for now. Melinda came in to calm him down and get his mind on other, less horrible things. SHIELD's work was never really done.

The End.