Notes: Let's see how I can mangle this one.
Xander Harris, head watcher in Africa, tipped his head to pop his neck as he hung up his cellphone. "There's no answer. The US is either shutting down or in a wreck so we have to deal with this ourselves." He sniffed and grimaced. "What is that stink? Who's wearing the Axe body spray that soured?" Everyone looked clueless. Xander looked at one of the soldiers. "Take your dog around to hunt demon stink?" The soldier nodded, doing that. He ran into one of the higher ups and the dog sat to stare at him.
"Hmm." Xander walked over. "Change." The higher up sneered. Xander slugged him. The demon changed back to his real form. "Well, fuck, you're not a demon." He took a picture and sent it to a few contacts. Only one had any idea. And it wasn't a Watcher. "And he's an alien. Well...." He shot him in the head, killing him. "That solves that problem and we'll figure it out after this battle." He looked at the soldier. "How many other dogs are training to find demon stink?"
"Three others," he said, sounding respectful.
"Okay. Make sure they're scent trained for that guy's people. There's no such thing as a *good* shape changer as far as I know. They all cause huge problems." He ran his hand through his hair and adjusted his eye patch. "After this. First, we have an invasion." He went to look at the portal. He saw someone weird and walked down there. "Hola," he said bluntly, staring at the warrior. And he was an old style warrior. "Are you Asgardian?"
"I do not know you," he said bluntly.
Xander held out a hand. "Xander Harris, head Watcher in Africa for the *new* Watchers Council."
The warrior shook it. "We have heard how you changed things, Watcher Harris."
"Thank you. The old guys are all assholes." The warrior nodded. "We're going to be having a battle here soon. A very overcrowded realm is coming here to snack and take over."
"Worse than the one on the news last month?"
"Yeah, worse than the one in LA a few years back too." The warrior grimaced. "But at least we can shoot these." The warrior relaxed and smiled. "If you're here helping us battle it, anything weird, yell over if you can and I'll tell you if you need to behead them instead."
"That's fine. Higher weapons?"
"I *so* wish. The local military doesn't have many. I have none because I used it all on that stupid hell goddess last week. Oh, and we just found an alien."
"Like from space?" he demanded, looking confused.
"Yeah, apparently. A shape changer."
"I will look on that one after this battle to tell my people."
"Thank you." He shook his hand again. "Take some rest while we can." He looked at the portal, taking notes from what the special program on his phone was telling him. That way he could make a report later. He did include the alien's presence because he wasn't sure if it was relevant. Thankfully that one contact had been Asgardian but banished so he knew what his species was called. He put his phone up when the portal started to open, going back to grab his weapons from his pickup truck. He came back, waving the soldiers forward to deal with it. They showed up. The portal blasted open and he waved.
"Shoot 'em," he called. "As soon as they come over. Remember, they want to eat us all!" The soldiers let out a yell and opened fire with him. The warrior nodded, joining in. When other demons showed up Xander pointed at two. "The green ones you behead," he yelled. "The blue one you set on fire!" The warrior nodded, working on that with Xander's help. The soldiers could fire at the others all they wanted. It took more skill to behead than to shoot. A ship started to land and he looked then huffed.
"Don't hit the portal with any energy!" he bellowed. "It'll rip and stay open! It'll take specific application of explosives and someone's already doing it!" The guy flying off nodded at that information. "Behead the green, set the blue on fire, shoot the rest!" The man in the armor nodded at that, joining in. Xander looked at the warrior, shrugging some. The explosives guy finally managed it and the portal twisted and sucked a bit but closed with a snap of noise. Xander panted, leaning down to catch his breath. "I hate this shit. Battles suck."
The warrior laughed but nodded. "Aye, it does, Watcher Harris."
Xander grinned at him. "At least we have some weapons and we're not naked. That was in my first month in Africa." The warrior laughed again. "Go use the medics," he said. He looked at the soldiers. "Medics, people. Thankfully you brought some with you. Please use them before your higher ups decide to bitch at me again?" A few laughed but went to the medical tent. Xander walked over to the guy in armor. "Colonel, nice to have you join us."
"We heard you tried to call SHIELD but they just fell the other day thanks to HYDRA."
"Fuck HYDRA. I blew up one of their bases last month for trying to take one of my mini slayers." He grinned slightly. "They were not happy when I turned their shit on them. Though I should've stolen weapons." He waved behind him. "Go use medical, get readings on the alien guy we found."
"A banished Asgardian said the shape changer's race is called Skrull?" Xander shrugged. "Shape changers are never good so I shot that one."
"How did you find him?"
"He stunk like soured Axe body spray. The demon sensing dogs could sense him too."
"That's good to know. Let me go take pictures and readings."
"Sure. Better to have it known. I doubt there's only one down here. There never is just one."
"Probably not," the Colonel agreed, heading for the medical tent and then the alien they have quarantined. The warriors was taking pictures of him too. "Taking it back to your people?" he asked quietly.
"Yes. We need to know about aliens." He looked at him. "American?"
"Colonel Rhodes, Iron Patriot," he said with a nod. The warrior nodded at that. "Are you usually around here?"
"Few countries over," he admitted with a smile for the man. "I was traveling to work on a treaty for business."
Xander walked in. "If you were going to that corporation in the next country that's supposedly pro-African, it's run by an Asian guy who keeps female sex slaves." He sighed when the warrior stared at him. "Just warning, dude. He's been stealing girls out of the Philippines and Thailand by what some of my poker contacts said. They warned me so I could protect one of my slayers from him. We're working on getting him down but I had to stop that to deal with a twin set of problems last month that were smuggling things and tried to keep me."
Colonel Rhodes stared at him oddly. "Does that happen to you often?"
"Yeah. Only the evil ones like me." He grinned. "It's great stress relief and sometimes they're even helpful getting me things for the slayers."
The warrior just nodded. "I was not going to his company but I'll let others know that there's rumors of him doing that. Maybe others can get him down."
Xander punched him on the arm with a grin. "That'd be great help, thanks. After this I have an idiot who decided to turn into a major demon in a week. I have to figure out what I'm blowing up to kill him." He looked at the alien. "According to the Asgardian I sometimes play poker with, his people are called Skrulls.
"They're shape changers and they're not good sorts. They're wanna be conquerors. This one took the form of a higher level military officer." He looked at the watching soldier. "They could have the one he was trying to pretend to be hostage. Sometimes they do keep them alive in case. Apparently their whole species can do anyone as long as they've seen them to model themselves after them." That got a nod and he called that in. "No idea if there's more here or where they might be. I'll ask around after dinner."
"That's fine, Watcher Harris," the soldier said. "Our general is very unamused and has ordered the dogs to scent any more out in the military."
"Sure. Thanks for the help." He grinned. "Saves me some work." He finished his report and sent it in. "There, all reported in. Now I have to go deal with an ascended demon's death soon. Colonel, if you want to conveniently show up, it's next Wednesday during the eclipse and it'll be in upper South Africa. They know but don't want to handle it themselves because they consider it creepy."
"I'll warn others to see if we can jump in. How do we kill that one?"
"Cut the giant worm demon's head off." He grinned. "We beheaded one in a school."
"Well, yeah," Xander agreed. "Giles has copies of that battle if someone wanted to see it."
"I can do that. Thanks, Harris." He shook his hand. "Let me get back to my people before they complain."
"Have fun with them. The military hates our girls. Apparently being saved by young women makes the US military feel like weenies." Colonel Rhodes grinned as he walked off to fly back. Xander looked at the soldier then the warrior. "I'm heading south if you need a ride."
"I left my car nearby."
"Okay." He shook his hand. "Be safe and have fun. We all need more fun in our lives." The soldier saluted. Xander grinned at him. "I'm not military. Quit treating me like I'm some political sucking higher up." The soldier grinned. "Call if you need me. I'll forward the report to your people once I charge the phone." He shook his hand and walked off to get into his truck.
The warrior looked at the soldier. "He is very interesting."
"He is," he agreed. "We enjoy working with him to save ourselves and ignoring that we had a battle."
"Our higher ups would as well." He shook his hand and left, going to his car to call on his way to his business meeting.
The soldier reported in that they were both safely away and the field was clear to be cleaned up. The higher ups in the government kept careful track of every demon problem they had so they could figure out how to stop them. Though they were usually amused by Watcher Harris.
"It's the Black Panther," a woman said in awe near Xander in the marketplace he was getting something from.
Xander looked at the cat in his bag then at the woman. "No, her name is Nuri. She's my slayer's pet." The woman looked awed. He looked at the one she was staring at, nodding. "Highness. I saw you on the news. Is there something I can do to help your people?"
"Are you Watcher Harris?"
"I am. Xander Harris, head Watcher in Africa of the *new* Council." He held out a hand.
The man nodded and shook it. "We are hearing rumors of aliens being here."
"Yes. They stink like soured Axe body spray. The dogs who can sniff out other demons can find them. We found one at the battle I had last week pretending to be a general. They're shape changers named Skrull."
"Are they related to the one that attacks the Avengers?"
"Not Asgardian but alien alien."
"Huh. Then that's good. We have a meeting tomorrow afternoon."
Xander grinned. "I'd probably move it from the area, Sire." The king glared at him. "We have a demon ascending during the eclipse. We'll have to behead something that's about fifty yards long." The King shuddered. "That looks like a giant worm." The cat in his bag jumped down. "Oh no you don't, Nuri." He captured the cat after two grabs and held it up to look at it.
"Your human would cry on me if you got lost and hurt. So you stay in the bag. I'll buy you a new toy." He put him into the bag again and zipped it most of the way. "I'm picking him up from her aunt to give back to her. She's seven." He bought a few cat toys. Nuri refused one so he handed the tiny, jingly fish toy to the King. "Since sometimes you're a cat, something you can tease it with." He grinned.
"You are quite a smartass." He smirked at the younger guy. He was amused by this insane white man who handled battles like a warrior would.
Xander grinned and nodded. "Yes I am. It's the only fun I get outside poker games these days." He walked off. "Be safe tomorrow. He'll be out by the ocean from what we've noticed him planning."
"I can take care of myself, Watcher Harris."
Xander grinned. "The head has to come off. It won't die and they can shake off bullet wounds. Giles has a film of one that the Slayer Buffy took out if you need to view it."
"I'll consider that. Thank you. Can you talk tomorrow about my people's demon community?"
"You have two. One's a farming village. One's up in the mountains as monks. They're pretty badass warrior monks but they're guarding things they consider holy. The farming village are mostly peaceful but won't put up with humans bothering them too much so they'll turn them into stew. Usually they grow goats for food."
The king nodded at that. "Then they're not harmful?"
"Most beings are peaceful if they're left alone," Xander said with a smile for him. "The monks would protect their area if you asked. The farmers would probably fight for you if you needed them to, but if something's too bad they'll hide instead because they're not meant to be warriors."
"I'll let my people know they're good. Thank you."
"Welcome. I enjoy the peaceful communities. They bring a lot to the world. The slayers have benefitted by working with the peaceful communities. And those ones are really tasty goats. Like the pig meat from Spain." He walked off again. "Have a safe and good meeting, Highness. Let me know if you need me for a problem."
"I will." He looked at the fish toy and sighed, walking off but putting it into his pocket. Perhaps one of his friends had cats.
The ones who had witnessed that talk were nearly swooning at how nice it had been. Watcher Harris was known as a part-time warrior. He had been politely mouthy but nice to the King. That was something to gossip about!
"What are you doing!" a male voice yelled as Xander lured the demon into a trap.
"He changed himself!" Xander yelled back. "He'll only die if his head comes off. He's not peaceful and he did this on purpose!" He shot the guy a glare and then turned back to the snake trying to get him. He poked it on the nose with a sword, making it rear back so Xander could move backwards. The demon tried to lunge up and land on him but landed on a land mine Xander had found. It reared up and yelled in pain. Xander threw a grenade in the open mouth and ducked down as demon goo and teeth hit his back. "Fuck. I need a higher weapon or a huge blade." A black clothed figure jumped in. "The neck is after that blue bandy place," he called, waving. "It has to come off."
"Can it be changed back?"
"He worked for forty years to do this."
"Oh. So he wanted this."
"It makes him an Old One. A pure demon." He looked over and shrugged. The demon tried to bite him so he stabbed it again, making it yelp and try to squiggle off. The Black Panther tried to get the neck area with his claws. He managed some of it. Xander hopped up on the thing's back, surfing on his movements to chop into him with the sword. He saw someone appear. "No! Get out of the way!" he bellowed. "This is an Ascended, not an Original!"
The demon nodded and fled. Xander took another swing and finally got into the spinal cord, slicing into it. He sighed as the demon died. "Great. Just another ten feet to go." He took another swing after wiping off his forehead. He finally got to work at it from the ground and looked at the superhero, shrugging some. "It's a glamorous job," he said sarcastically. "And one that gets me complained at a lot. Thank you for the help. I hope you get to duck the screaming idiot there."
He nodded at him. "Because Colonel Fury's a fucking moron with plots." The king took off his hood to stare at him. "Oh, hey, hi." He grinned and waved a bloody hand. "That guy's going to come complain some more. You should escape before you have to teach him stuff." He took another swing, cutting off more of the head. He finally got through it all and sighed in relief, leaning on his sword. "Finally!" He waved his hands to get full feeling back in it with another sigh of pleasure. "Now all I need is a bath."
"You need sense," Colonel Fury complained.
Xander turned to look at him. "I didn't see you doing it, Dumbledore. Did you want him to eat the city and grow larger?" He walked around him. "He can be set on fire."
"Kid," he demanded.
Xander turned to glare at him. "Fuck. You. I've been doing this sort of job since I was sixteen. Where were you and yours then?" He stared at him. "You had to have known because I *know* your people had a line into the old Council. We found it when we had to get the building remains cleaned up. You let teenage girls do it for you. What a hero you are," he sneered. "You were just like the old Council and let young girls do your job for you."
"You know nothing about...."
"You? Yeah I do. I have poker contacts who know more about you than you know. Hell, I have one that told me how big you were when you were born, Director Fury." He stared him down. "You let girls do your job for you. That's not a hero. That's weak." He walked off again. "I'm going to shower," he called. "The demon's dead and can be burned once whoever has a good look at it. We saw the one in Sunnydale so I'm only going to shower and get a beer!"
"Thank you, Watcher Harris," a female voice yelled back. "Our scientists want to look it over."
He grinned and waved. "Have fun!" He tossed his sword into his truck's bed and climbed in to drive off. His usual hotel in this area had great water pressure so he was a lucky guy. "At least it's not in the middle of a desert." He put the truck into gear and drove off.
Director Nick Fury of SHIELD glared at the guy's truck then at the demon. Then at the King. "You know about him?"
"Some," he agreed. "He's a strong warrior." He walked off. He heard a jingle and sighed, picking up the jingly cat fish that had fallen out of his pocket. He shook his head as he walked off. Harris was very weird but a strong warrior. He would have let someone else finish taking off the head for him. An hour of chopping with a sword was too long. Too bad his claws had been too short to be of much help.
Nick Fury stomped off to check on who that kid thought he was. What he found out reminded him of some of his former agents. And clearly the boy was insane. The files from Sunnydale were still hidden but what he saw didn't amuse him. He passed on the contact to his people in SHIELD. They sent back he was a myth so Nick Fury forwarded film.
They called it gross but said the kid was still a myth because the president said he was a myth that he was trying to debunk. Fury rolled his good eye and finished the contact report. Coulson sent back a smart comment about knowing many agents like him, unfortunately. Fury let him handle it from then on. He didn't want to deal with bad demons and it appeared they had a problem with Skrulls again. He did send on the information that Harris had found one by scent. He had no idea how.
Xander walked into the governmental chamber and nodded at the one who had called him. He paused and sniffed then stared in one direction. The one odd one seemed to be different. He was changing color. "I did not know that your honorable people were infected with shape shifters. Is that why I was called today?" he asked in Swahili.
"No, Watcher Harris. We are?" the speaker demanded.
"Get one of the demon sniffing dogs. Or even a sniffing dog." The guards brought one in and Xander let him sniff the vial he held of the first one he found's clothes. "Find it," he ordered. The dog handler took him around. He paused a few times but finally didn't hit. Xander stared at the two he had hesitated near. "So." One changed and attacked so Xander shot him in the head. The other one shrieked and changed as he tried to run off. The guards got him. "They die by head shot," he called. He put his gun back and looked around then at the speaker. "I hope you don't have more. From what little I know of them, they're conqueror wannabes."
The speaker blinked at him. "What are they?"
"They're called Skrulls by what I've found out." He shrugged. "We know they're aliens. They're shape changers. People in SHIELD knew about them and had a file but it's missing from the stuff that got dumped online."
"Interesting. We must talk about the demon the other day. After a break." Xander nodded and sat down, pouring himself some water to sip while they took a shuddering in the hallway break. He was used to that reaction. He had used it back in high school.
Xander stood in front of the camera and screens they had rigged up for him. "I sent you all vials of a certain being's scent earlier. The dogs who are trained to hunt demon scent, and even some of the better regular sniffing dogs, can find them." The people staring at him mostly nodded. He uploaded the file he had been given by that same poker contact. "This is on their species, straight from the SHIELD download. They are not good news. They're wannabe conquerors."
He grimaced. "They've been putting people in high places. I've found two senators and a general since I spotted the first one. Then today I found most of a military unit. Thankfully we were able to track them back and find the ones they had hostage, which led to six others being found out. Which is why I called." He grinned at them. "Because you all have people coming home with a report on what happened to them."
One of them pounded his fist on his desk. "What sort of demon are they?"
"Alien. Shape changing alien." The group groaned.
"How did you find them?" Giles asked.
"They stink like soured Axe body spray."
"But....." Giles started.
"Yeah, scent. Me. Remember the zoo trip?" he asked dryly, grinning at him. "The two who're changers in the Council can probably scent them too. Any beings who can smell like a tracking dog can probably smell them." Giles made that note and looked at the vial. "Those vials are mostly from the later ones today. There's some minor scent variation due to cleaning products and personal hygiene but they all carry that soured Axe body spray stink. They smell like sour, unshowered incubi." A few nodded and made notes on that. "Please have your scent dogs introduced to it? I have no idea what they're trying. If they're resource raiders or what." He shrugged. "None of them have answered when I asked. Even when I asked politely." He looked at one screen, frowning at him. "Can your stepmother's people...." He nodded. "Do they know about them?"
"Not that I've heard of but I'll gladly ask my stepmother." He looked at his camera. "What if they come for us?"
"Scent dog mandatory checks when you come in daily?"
"Not that hard to start."
Giles cleared his throat. "We have a half hellhound that the girls have adopted."
"I remember Brendy. She'll hate them like she hated Kennedy." Giles nodded and made a note of that. "I checked to make sure Kennedy wasn't a demon when she reacted that way the first time."
"I'm sure she's not, Xander," he said dryly. "Anything else to report?"
"Yeah. Three visions. Huge battle in about a month. In Wakanda. With a different form of alien god who'll try to take out half of humanity." Everyone stared at him. He sent over that file. The representative from Wakanda growled. Xander shrugged again. "Just had it earlier and went looking. Thanos." Giles flinched and stared at him in a cold, hard manner. "Coming for the stones, will be here in about three and a half weeks." Giles slumped, still staring. "One of my poker contacts was Asgardian before being banished, Giles." Giles groaned. "So we need to protect the slayers.... because they can't fight him."
"I'll talk with the coven, see if they can protect an area and move a few important beings with them."
"Have fun with the VP. I hate that man," Xander said dryly. "The rest of you need to talk to Giles after he talks to the coven about getting some areas protected."
"Do we have a death count from the vision?" the one from Wakanda asked.
"Half. Of everything and everyone," Xander said with a slight nod at the end. "Thanks to him snapping like a queen." That one swore. Xander grinned and nodded. "Yup, we all are. Get the stones and the glove. I have no idea how to fight that so I'm warning you guys so you can try to protect the most necessary. People like great doctors?" A few groaned. "I know you'd rather protect the government but if he does that, we'll need medical people and others. Because it'll be chaos."
"We can take that into account," another president said. "Are we certain we'll have it happen?"
"I haven't been wrong yet. There's a chance, the end snap was wobbly, so someone *might* be able to stop it. Not sure who but maybe." He looked at the guy from Wakanda, who was nodding as he made notes. "Small army of aliens with alien tech and alien weapons and alien purple bad guy."
"Will we know before then?" he asked, looking up from his notes.
"Shield guy will show up after one with the blonde assassin lady." He frowned. "She reminds me of Willow then she dyed her hair."
"I know of who you speak. We will be on the watch for them. Thank you for the warning."
"I'd never want anyone to go through a battle without warning. That would suck and I don't hate most humans anywhere near enough for that." He grinned slightly. "I have asked the two war capable groups of demons near you to please jump in if they can help. One may be able to help more than the other but I'm not sure and they're not sure if they can. But if they can they'll jump in."
"That is a welcome help."
Xander nodded. "Let me know if I can help in any way. I have no idea how. If I had artillery I'd help fire on them. I'm unfortunately out."
"You had artillery?" Giles demanded.
Xander stared at him and nodded. "Yeah. And then I had twin problems that I had to take out before it killed a city because some guy in the city stood them up on a date." Giles moaned. "I went through three battles after that without one." He sent the file from the battle against the ascended demon with a grin then waved and signed off before Giles could open it. Xander went to talk to his poker contacts to see if he could find out more information.
In Cleveland, Giles started to swear loudly in Latin about demons so the slayers all went to hide from that fit while Buffy went to see what had happened this time. When she started to throw a fit too, the girls evacuated to the mall. They didn't need or want to know. When one heard Xander's name they knew it was going to be a long hiding time so they remembered to grab money for dinner too. Buffy hated to hear about Xander doing anything she didn't approve of. When they felt the magic start up, they ran faster toward the farther mall. It had a worse food court but it was a few miles away for safety reasons.
Rupert Giles had to report to Congress a few days later, with Buffy and the dog from the house in attendance. The Capitol guards stared at the dog. "She's highly protective of Buffy," Giles told them. "She's pregnant and has decided Buffy will be their aunt."
The sniffing dogs on duty sniffed the hellhound and let it go. The hellhound sniffed them back and stared at one of the humans, who slowly backed up then ran off.
"No attacking," Buffy ordered. She clipped on the leash. "Sorry." Her phone rang. She looked and sighed, showing it to Giles then the guards. It was a warning about the dog going after the highly placed skrull commander. Who looked to be in the upper executive branch of the government. The guards called that in and the head of the dog handlers showed up to take control of their guard dog. They went into the hearing room and the hellhound mother-to-be didn't hit on anyone until a few younger people came in. Then she growled and almost lunged at one of them.
"What is that beast doing in here?" she demanded.
"She's protecting us from threats," Buffy said. "She's trained to sense certain types of demons and aliens."
"Aliens?" she sneered.
Buffy shrugged. "Not my fault that we apparently have some Asgardians, some dwarves, and some skrulls here." The woman stomped off, her husband following her. The dog settled down. Buffy looked at the head guard, who called that in. "The little firtybits can tell them too from what we've been told," she admitted. "You have a few of them flying here and there as messengers."
"Firglebytes," Giles corrected patiently. He sat down with a sigh, staring at the staring senators. "The dog is part hellhound but has been trained to protect myself, Buffy, and Willow to make sure we're not possessed, taken over by any alien or demon parasite, or switched out for a shape changing being," he noted. "The new ones recently discovered to be infiltrating humanity are a worry for us as they could harm the slayers greatly."
The senator in the lead just nodded. "What shape changing beings, Doctor Giles?"
Giles handed over his notes. "This is what my watcher in Africa, Xander, has found out about them thanks to some poker contacts." Buffy settled in her seat with the dog laying down beside her.
"I want that dog shot!" a female voice yelled.
"We want shape changing demons to go away," Buffy called back. "Before we have to prove it and confine you." The woman stomped back in, but she was slightly more green this time. "Huh. Your dad's orange and you're green. Interesting." The being tied to hit her but Buffy knocked her down and out. The alien's husband came storming in with guards behind him. "We found out that the aliens don't bleed red if you want to test his."
"You...." one sneered. Buffy pricked her thumb with her broach's pin, showing it. Giles did the same thing with his tie tack. They stared until the guard tested himself and he bled red. The others...bled greenish/blue. The guards surrounded them and walked them out. There would be a lot of yelling later but they could test for red blood. Then they'd have to see if they could rescue the original ones. When they found out all but the president were switched, he tried to claim he'd be next but one of the aliens told him they wanted him there because he was easily led. It led to another fit but not one that would endanger anyone at the moment. They found out where the others were and sent that information to someone down there who could handle that situation for them.
Xander looked up as the agent walked into the bar he was in. "Are you here to evacuate the politicians I unfortunately saved earlier?" he asked, taking a sip of his beer.
The agent blinked. "US politicians?" he asked. "We know there was a number who were replaced by those aliens."
"Yeah, I raided a skrull base earlier because they tried to get one of my slayers. Sucks to be a skrull today but I found a ton of idiots I'd rather not save." He took another drink. "They're safely stored in that base with two local agents who have sent information to their higher ups so they could send it to you."
"No, we had not heard that yet." He called in. "It's Somerly. Xander Harris raided a base earlier to get his slayer back and said he unfortunately saved some of our people. He said that the locals should be telling us about it. Let me check to make sure it's all of them. You find who they told." He hung up and looked at him. "Lead me back there please, Mr. Harris?" Xander pointed behind him so he turned to look. "Director," he said with a nod and a hand shake of the local country's head of intelligence. "Our people?"
"Yes. We started to call our contacts but you landed so we decided to tell you ourselves. Harris, your slayer?"
"With her boyfriend," Xander said with a small grin for him. "Who her father hates like anything. He was going to ritually sacrifice the guy to a pagan god he swears are evil because he's an evangelical baptist. So they're getting a few minutes of calming her down before she goes back there to rip them a new one." He finished his beer and put a tip on the table, looking at the agents. "Can you take him or should I?"
"We will, Watcher Harris." The local agent smiled. "You have fun calming your slayer down. By the way, have you answered your phone today?"
"Only for emergency codes. I saw what started when they called Giles and Buffy before Congress." He smirked. "I'm not touching my phone for *days*. Email me instead for a few days please." The local agent nodded, walking his counterpart off. Xander went back to the hotel, grabbing his slayer and taking her home. Where her father complained but Xander shook his head. "Her boyfriend was trying to rescue her before I got there. He was failing at it but he was trying."
Her father snorted, glaring at his daughter. "He's not good enough for you."
"He is so! You're just mad I'm growing up. Quit before I move into my boyfriend's house, Father!"
"You do and you will be married immediately!" he yelled. He glared when Xander giggled.
"The slayer spirit did pass on bits and pieces from all the prior slayers, including Buffy and Faith, who both had serious relationships in their years." The father almost pouted. "Besides, if she's going to marry him anyway, let her. You don't want that sort of stress from fighting until she gives you grandchildren. She'll have to hide with Sheema while she's pregnant so she won't be able to let you watch over her."
"My wife will scream." He looked at his daughter. "You're not pregnant, right?"
"I haven't done more than touch him with my hands, Father," she huffed. She glared at Xander. "It's perfectly natural!"
"Yes it is. I lived with Anya before we broke up." He grinned and patted her on the back. "If you're going to marry the boy anyway, do it."
"I will." She stared at her father, who pouted at her. "I will let you handle things," she sighed, walking off shaking her head. "I will not wear a dress that has to be lifted by others or that means he can't stand next to me yet not be able to touch me."
"I can see that," her father said. He smiled at Xander. "Thank you for rescuing her, Xander."
"Not a problem. It's what I do." He shook his hand. "I'll tell her boyfriend to show up tomorrow for lunch?"
"For dinner. Dinner is for family." Xander nodded and left to find the loser boyfriend. Hopefully he'd straighten up with some responsibility. His slayer deserved someone nice. If he had to beat manners into the guy for her, so be it.
Xander shoved someone he had let out of a cell. It had been a long week since he had rescued his slayer and handed her back. "To the back!" he shouted with a point for the others. "We have to blow this sucker and that's the exit!"
"Young man!" one of them complained.
Xander glared at him. "Did you not realize that aliens were holding you?"
"We noticed the green people who tried to look like us," another one said.
"Yeah, well, they look a lot less green when they took over your life. To the back. Through their genetics lab so we can blow it last."
"If we have weapons," another one said.
Xander looked at him. "I barely have *my* weapons!" The two with sense nodded and left in the way he wanted. The other one was trying to complain. "General, come get him, he's stupid," he called with a point. "Before I have to leave him here."
"We already knew that," the general said, coming to grab that senator by the arm and haul him off. "Who're you, sir?"
"Senior Watcher Xander Harris, New Watchers Council. I'm the guy over the African slayers, sir."
"Thank you for solving this. The breeding grounds?"
"Going as we go. I've already booby-trapped their armory." The general nodded, heading out after the others. He watched the kid work to check the cells and shoot at any green head that popped up. They finally all got out so Xander ran into the breeding area then set off the machines and the self destruct he had found in the armory. "Everyone out?" he called.
"The stupid one is trying to get back in there to get his belt," one said.
"Knock him out," Xander called and set it off. The ship blew up and made a pretty mess. Xander looked around but the ones he had rescued shot a few of the remaining aliens.
One frowned as he shot the green version of himself. "That's so weird. When I was younger I was suicidal and now I just killed my doppelganger."
Xander looked at him. "All shape shifters are weird and I'm told only one kind isn't evil. Plus yours wasn't even that close, sir. It was still green."
"Good point. I always wanted to shoot at the little green men they said aliens were." He walked off. Xander followed. "How are we getting home?"
"Not a clue," Xander admitted. "I was going to hand one of you my phone so you could call your own people." He handed the general his phone. "Highest ranking and can probably get a quiet extraction." He looked around. "There's an old church about a half mile in front of us," he said with a point. "Not sure if it's safe to take the road there but at least you'll be under cover when it starts to rain later and it's a defensible spot." Everyone nodded, heading that way with the general in the lead once he handed Xander his phone back. He waved. "You guys be safe. I've got to take out another one later." He jogged off, going to the other ship's location to deal with them.
"Son," the general called. "Let my boys do it please. They're real mad about this stuff."
Xander paused to look at him. "How do you know they're not taken over, General?"
"I'd kick their asses so hard they'd beg, kid. Come with us." Xander nodded, going to his truck and driving closer so they could crowd into the back to ride to the church. They piled in and he parked behind the church, letting the general take the guns from him. "Those are yours?" he asked.
"Yup. All I've got down here right now, General. Sorry but gotta live by my wits usually with demon battles. Or bigger in about a week. Hopefully the spandex sort have that one."
The general stared at him. "How do we know that?"
"Visions and they suck," Xander said, staring at him. "I hate having visions. But I haven't been wrong yet."
"Well, shit," he said, taking the phone back to call someone else. "Who knows?"
"I told a lot of world leaders and my boss at the same time, General. I'm hoping Giles figured out how to protect some people and I suggested that they try to protect necessary people like some doctors instead of politicians."
The general nodded. "We'll need 'em. We always do after an emergency." He grimaced but got connected through. "Chad, Boswin. We have a spandex sort of battle soon according to the head watcher guy down in Africa?" He listened to the notes that had been handed over. "At least he's not green. I'm tired of green ones. Anything we can do? Oh, I called in Oliver's group to come get us all.
"The politicians are at least protecting themselves at the moment. Nope, Harris, the watcher guy, rescued us and blew up a ship. Oliver's people will have a lot of fun doing it later too I'm sure," he said sarcastically. "What else do I need to fix?" He listened then huffed. "Please do rescind that. Thank you. Yeah, by tomorrow hopefully." He hung up and tossed the phone back. "Sit, kid. You look tired."
"Sometimes but it's been a busy few weeks since I found the first one down here." He shrugged, going to the bathroom to clean up a bit then come out to guard the high priority targets. About two and a half hours later he heard a vehicle and looked out there. "General, I don't think that's your sort. It's an actor."
He looked then snorted. "Nope, the brother of one of mine though." The car stopped and the actor got out, staring at the doorway. He leaned out. "Your brother sent you?"
"Yes, General. I borrowed a friend's plane to get you all back home because some higher up tried to block them from coming so they'll be late."
"They'll still have fun with the other ship they'll get to blow up of little green idiots," the general said. "C'mon, people. Let's go," he ordered. They all got taken to the larger than average SUV. The general looked at Xander. "You can follow us."
"I can go scope the other ship. I'll be here," he said, writing it on the general's hand with a pen. "Send 'em to me with knowing my name. The aliens never do." He grinned. "They all think I'm too normal, just like the slayers do." The general snorted but walked off shaking his head as he called his team to let them know where they needed to head. Xander went to watch the other ship, and housing compound. When the soldiers got there Xander waved them over and let them see what he had found. They were on heightened alert but no sign of having hostages. Xander looked at one. "They don't bleed red," he said quietly. They all nodded and ran down to handle the alien menaces. Two of the soldiers turned out to be changed too but Xander got them.
"Who in the hell is the guy who rescued our people!" the president yelled at his minions.
The general who had been rescued looked at him. "The head watcher in Africa. Works with the slayers down there, sir. Still pretty young but got it done in a messy manner we all appreciated. We almost cheered when their ship went up."
The president glared at him. "When did you get taken?"
"Two weeks ago," the general said, then shrugged. "I was at home then I woke up in a cell. I'm almost shocked my wife didn't kill 'em for me. She said she's the only one that gets to kill me."
The president scowled. "No one's found my daughter yet."
"Yes they have, sir. She wasn't in the one where we were but she got found yesterday by the report I got when I got back this morning. Some SEALs found her, sir."
"I wasn't told that."
"She could be in quarantine to make sure no alien germs got to her, sir. We all should be but things are going to hit the wrong side of hell soon." He walked off. "I have to go unmake some bad decisions."
"Fine. Whatever." He sat and sulked. He hadn't even been able to tell his daughter and son-in-law had been switched out. Now this young guy was showing him up by handling problems. Maybe he had to look into that guy. He might be an ally of his. Yeah, he could do that. The guy was probably heroic or something and needed rewarded.
Xander looked at one of his poker contacts, getting a grimace back. "Can't you make the purple guy Thanos have kidney stones that move in the most painful way each time he tries to use any sort of power?"
The demon he was talking to shook his head. "No. Won't be enough, Harris."
Xander grimaced. "What about those fish in Central America, the ones that swim up your dick and eat you from the inside out?"
The demon smiled. "That's a nice thought but won't be good enough fast enough."
"The Vlad the Impaler treatment as soon as he gathers a stone?"
"That...many would be pleased," he admitted. "But he might make it disappear before it comes to cause damage."
"Then can I use the life debt you owe me to cause a brain aneurism as soon as he lands on earth? Or as soon as he gets the first stone?"
"That would change much history. We could....hmm. We can see if we can block him from getting to the rest of the Asgardians." He talked to his higher ups. It wasn't a certain death but a very likely one. Too much power would rupture it most likely. Thanos didn't have a self healing talent. Though they did add a parasite infection in his colon to weaken him on top of the brain defect.
Xander texted one of his contacts in Wakanda to let them know. That way they could help it happen if they had to. Then Xander went to finally sleep. He had two days to sleep and he really needed a nap. The demons were amused but they had heard about Harris during apocalypse times before. Thankfully there were no bouncy, blonde slayers nagging him during it this time.
The King of Wakanda got the printed message from a security agent and nodded. "That is good to know. It can be helpful. Can we take advantage of that?"
"Yes. Power at his brain will cause it to rupture," his sister said with a grin. "We can hit him with power until his headache kills him."
"If we must and can, we must and will," he decided, handing the note back. "What of the alien problems the green ones are doing?"
"Harris has managed to free many of their hostages. The US military is not amused and neither is the UK military but they're thankful someone took over the problem for a bit. Though they hate all the Council members, even the slayers."
"Because they ignored how the old Council treated the girls," the princess said. The others nodded. "Now they're seeing how it should run but it's being run by a lot of book nerds. And Harris, who is apparently slightly channeling an action movie." She sighed, looking at her brother. "Why do you have a cat toy?"
"Harris bought it for the cat he was bringing to her owner but the cat refused it so he gave it to me. He suggested we probably have cats around here," he said sarcastically. She burst out giggling as she walked off. He looked at the others. "He is...unusual. He faced down the former Director for SHIELD and ripped into him about how he was like the old Council." The king shifted in his seat, grimacing. "I do not want that battle here. It's not good for our peoples."
"We'll handle what we have to handle," one of the female warriors said from her spot. "Even though they are purple aliens or green aliens."
The king smiled. "It appears that you can train certain breeds of dogs to sniff out demons and some of them can tell the aliens."
"How did Harris then?" she demanded.
The king grinned at her. "When he was younger, he stepped into an Old One's circle and got possessed by a hyena matriarch." She burst out laughing. "It was never fully cleared so he bears her and uses her with honor according to him."
"Oh dear," she said, walking off giggling to tell the higher ups that. It did explain a few things about how he treated the girls he trained.
The king looked at his head of intelligence. "He is very interesting and one we may need to work with later on. Figure out how to do that?"
"I can do so, My King." He did their traditional salute and headed back to his office to do that.
The King relaxed and worried about the upcoming battle. It was really not a good thing for his people to go through.
After the snap had happened and been fixed, and thankfully the owed debt Faith had could handle time travel, Xander showed up at the Wakanda border, nodding at the guardians. "You have a demon battle in three days." She winced but nodded, calling that in. "I'll wait here but it is a beheader. I have their book entry if one of your guards wants to go over it. I can even lend them a sword but I'll need it back."
"You can behead with a laser," the guardian said with a smirk.
Xander shook his head, grinning back. "Takes silver. Sorry." She groaned but let them know that. "I'm not looking to interrupt, just tell you how to handle it and let someone take the new manual we've worked up for the slayers in the field. Your people can handle their own battles most of the time and it's not my business to change that."
"Good. The head guard and the princess comes."
"Cool. I'll be on my truck." He pointed and went to sit, making sure he had what they'd need. The princess was cute when she scowled but he shrugged and grinned back. "Sorry, Princess. Some things take silver. Don't ask me why, I don't make the rules." He opened the first book to let them see it. "There's a chance that another metal may work but I have no idea what that metal is. I don't think it's a human metal."
The princess nodded. "That is a space metal from certain asteroids." She grimaced. "It's almost explosive."
"So that's probably why they used it," Xander agreed. "Blew the head off." She sighed but nodded. "Okay, well, I can gladly lend you guys a sword with silver mixed in. As long as I get it back sometime soon." He pulled it up and handed it to the guardian. "It's a bit softer than steel due to the silver mixed in. The edge is as sharp as I can make it and I've cleaned off the demon blood from other uses. Also, we just updated our field manuals."
He handed one to the princess with a smile. "It's a little bit easier carried and has the numbers written in for the local slayers should you need one and their current ages. Unfortunately two huge problems needs someone innocent, fully innocent, to handle it. So I had to hold a six-year-old slayer when she lightly stabbed the summoned demon on the arm so he could go home, as he wanted. I tried a nun first but they know too much to be considered fully innocent." He grimaced. "Then I had someone lock that memory for her parents when they agreed."
"Can just anyone summon such things?" the princess asked.
Xander nodded, curling up his legs some. "Yeah, mostly. Some classes you have to have magic but ...." He looked in his storage area then pulled out a book. "On the ways to interrupt summonings based on how far along they are, what type, and what they're calling. That one I don't have another copy of but I've read it a few times so you can borrow it long enough to copy if you need to."
"That could help. Thank you, Watcher."
"I'm Xander, Princess Shuri. I have no tact, no royal blood, and almost no manners even though Giles tried a lot." He grinned. "Treat me like the plebe I am please."
She snorted, staring at him. "You have done much."
"Yeah, but I've been doing this for a while. No one little girl should be responsible for saving the world."
"True." She tipped her head slightly. "We have you listed as not being human."
"I'm fully human and born fully human. I've been exposed to some demon blood a few times. So yeah, I have a few spots in my blood that's not normal, average guy."
"Does that change you?"
"One could've. We stopped it and I got that one seeing why part of my high school's swim team was turning black and slimy. The coach was dosing us with mermaid blood so he could win things."
She frowned then huffed. "That's so illogical."
He grinned. "Then again, demons use more magic than tech in most species. There's a few demon realms that're higher tech than even the Enterprise was."
"Still not logical."
He shrugged. "Not my doing. I'm not the Big Being in Charge. Nor am I the Powers That Be, who're over the slayers. I just do my job so my girls don't die. That way they have years to become annoying teenage girls who I have to put up with. Just like Buffy did."
"Many girls do," the guard agreed. "Do we only have the one sword?"
"Here, yeah. Cleveland has a few others if you wanted to talk to Giles. He thought this one was mystical until I showed him pictures from the idiot demon's temple further south of here. Then he was not amused to scotch for a few hours."
"How would we forge our own?" the guard asked.
Xander shook his head. "I barely know anything about forging swords, sorry. There's a guy in Taipei who is working with the slayer's swords to make new ones that'll be worthy of them being used. There's a guy in Egypt who can forge swords to fix them. He had to fix that one actually." He looked in his phone, finding his contact information. "This is him." He let her see it and take a picture of it with her own phone. He put his phone up. "I'm not the know it all Xander. A lot of things I still have to look up quickly and I rely on contacts who can do things like fix weapons or find me weapons."
"Then how did you become our head watcher?" Princess Shuri demanded.
"I was the only guy down here. When the old Council got blown up, we only had about twenty of us left and most of them were research watchers. Giles was a field watcher and over the current girls so he got put in charge and changed things so they were better for the slayers. I was going to leave the group to go grieve for an ex who died in Sunnydale so he sent me down here to talk to the current slayers so they had an idea of what had happened and to make sure they were safe.
"It turned out most were safe, and the local demons weren't the problem, it was outsiders being the problem usually. I introduced them to the lessons on demons and went around to each one to check on them while handling small things. Then a real battle happened and I was the only guy there. None of the other Watchers or senior slayers can get down here for some reason," he said dryly, grimacing some. "So I became the head watcher guy and had to handle things that no one else could or would. You'd probably hate how some governments tried to handle the knowledge of peaceful demons and I had to stop that and teach them too."
"So some day one of the girls will take over your spot?"
"Yeah, I've been grooming Sidra to do it. She's technically a Pakistani slayer but she likes to travel and can fight pretty well. She does a lot of the online mothering and mentoring for the girls in other areas. We had to remove her from her area for her own safety but she's in Greece at the moment. I think. She's ...I think she's six...no, I think she's just turned seventeen. So she'll come out on patrol at eighteen with me and start by taking over the northern areas of this continent for me so I'm not spread as far. Then when I die of doing all this stuff she'll take over fully and by then she'll hopefully be training her replacement."
"That's a harsh life," she said.
He nodded. "Yeah but if I don't do it, the girls have to do it as little girls. It's better that I do it and hold on until one of them is old enough to handle herself and things. And by then maybe more people will jump in so it's not just a few guys." He shrugged. "I jumped in and the old Council hated that, but it was necessary."
"It's what a warrior does," the guard agreed.
Xander nodded. "No little girl should be responsible for saving the world, especially not by herself. Even if she did nag me about it for years on end." He grinned. "Buffy nags greatly that I'm normal."
Shuri shook her head. "No you're not."
He grinned at her. "Thank you." She huffed but was smiling. "Anyway, I'll be at the nearest town," he said with a point. "So when you copy that you can send it to me and I've got to be in Botswana in about two days so I'll come back this way about a week after the battle to get the sword back if that's all right?" The guardian nodded, smiling at him. "Cool. Have a good battle and I hope it's an easy one." He stood up and shut his truck's gate, then his storage compartment's lid. "You guys have fun. I'm going to go get a hot shower. It's been a few days of driving again. Peace, people." He got in and drove off carefully so his dirt wouldn't hit them.
The princess looked at her guard. "He is not the usual man."
"No, he is not. But he is handy to know." She took the sword back to the palace. The princess would try a higher weapon on the demon, of course, but in case they needed it the sword was on hand. They could copy and hand out those books as well. The watcher was not stingy with information. The king stared at the sword. "We have a demon showing up in a few days. It has to be beheaded by silver as far as they know."
He groaned. "Wonderful."
"The watcher handed over information for us to copy and go over."
"Even better. He does well at that." He walked off shaking his head to check on his baby sister's mad ideas. She sometimes had little sense because she was a teenage girl.
Xander showed up after the problem in Botswana, grimacing as he got out of his truck at the border. "Good day," he called loudly enough to be heard inside the house. "I've brought two of your people back who got misplaced." The woman who guarded this border post leaned out to stare at him. He pointed. She huffed. "Sorry but they were in the way down there. Had to get around them to deal with the battle they tried to proclaim was an unholy illusion." The bound and gagged duo in the back of his truck complained but Xander ignored them. "Botswana said to send them back home or else they'd go to jail for being in the way."
She nodded, calling that in. The same female warrior came out with the sword, smiling as she handed it over. "Thank you, Xander."
"Did it work?"
"It did. We tried to use a laser and it failed miserably." She looked at the two in the truck while he put the sword up. "What did they do?" He pulled up footage on his phone for her to see. She sighed. "Are they ours?"
"They have the little thing on their lip. One was complaining that King Panther would hate these happening."
"Sounds like it," she decided, undoing one's gag to look at the vibranium strip in his lip. "Hmm. Ours. One of the mountain peoples." She stuffed the gag back in when he complained. "We can take them and send them back to their folk."
"Thank you. Have you seen the orphanage about halfway to my battle before last?" he asked quietly. He pulled up a picture to show her. "Not Skrull because they're not green but someone was saying it was your prince's daughter via a dish," he said quietly. "They had to hide the fact that she's the result of a government program."
"She shouldn't be his."
"I have no idea. I'm just passing on that there's a rumor that this precious little blue baby, who is gifted somehow from whatever group made her, is said to be his."
She nodded. "We will look into that." She hit him on the arm with a smile. "Any other good news?"
"One of these two was supposedly selling pictures of your princess in a bikini. It was actually one of the lesser known runway models." He dug that magazine out to hand over with a smirk. "She's cute but that girl there isn't interested in science stuff. She wanted to be a nurse by that interview. Then people started to notice she was pretty."
The female guardian shook her head with a groan. "Shuri will throw a fit." Xander grinned and nodded. "You knew?"
"Yup. Heard about the one she threw at the Egyptian station that thought she was your king's young, pretty wife. She all but set them on fire verbally."
She snorted. "That sounds like our princess. Thank you, Xander."
"Welcome." He grinned at her. "Go ahead and grab them or call someone to carry them off. I've got a few hours before I have to head east." She called that in and read that article. The princess was going to have fits. They'd have to lock her in a closet again. The story from Egypt was in there too but they had refuted their story for them. She sighed. Shuri was going to have a loud fit that would shake the whole palace this time.
The king himself came out, making her salute him. He smiled. "Is this the two that were sent back in shame?"
"For declaring the battle an unholy illusion that King Panther would hate to deal with," Xander quipped with a grin for him. "Botswana said to bring them back or they were going to jail."
"That's a good reason," King T'Challa agreed. "Anything else interesting happen?" The trash magazine was handed over open to that article. He read it and grimaced. "Shuri is going to destroy someone with yelling," he muttered, handing it back. "Why was she against that other news person?"
Xander waved a hand a bit. "They thought she was your pretty, young, smart wife."
"Ah!" He nodded and grinned. "That would get someone yelled at, yes. Greatly." Xander grinned and nodded. "Who told them about her?" Xander pointed at the tied up people. "Even more reason for them to visit our city jail for a few hours." He glared at them. They slumped away from him. "My father, may he be happy with the ancestors, would have let Shuri beat you herself." Xander was giggling. "Thank you, Watcher Harris."
"Not a problem." He accepted the two books from another guardian. "Let me know if you need me, Highness. Or you lovely ladies of guardianism. My girls are really looking forward to looking up to you as role models when they get old enough for more than self defense training." They smiled at him. The king snorted. "They don't learn more until they're old enough to figure out if they want to or should patrol. We don't let our girls do that anymore."
"I've heard and it is a good idea." Xander nodded, getting up to shove the guys out of his truck so they could be walked off. The king stared up at him. "What do you know of the Avengers?"
"Not a lot that I like," he admitted, sitting on the bed of his truck. "I know of one that's a comic book hero and always sure which is the right way even if it's more gray. I know of one that's got issues thanks to his life and now he's a figurehead that has to do the right thing to make himself feel better. I kinda looked up to him for years because the slayer I started out helping kept telling me I was normal so therefore lesser." The king nodded at that.
"I know of some members that are said to be good agents and a few that are said to be good men. One I got compared to a few times until I had to use my battle axe. They were disappointed that I didn't use other archaic weapons." He grinned slightly. "I know one of them, a female, is a mind fucker that sent someone over the edge and made him attack others." The king winced.
"I know the one that just came out of the gates is an asshole of epic proportions who tried to get two of the minis in Europe dead to fulfill her mission by offering them to the Russian Mob and if she comes closer I'm shooting her." He glared at her. She stopped back there. He looked at the king. "I know little bits of much thanks to the poker circuit. You could ask them. You do have a few locally."
"We've noticed and have talked to them. They seem to want to stay peaceful." Xander nodded with a grin. "That's always good. Do they all hear?"
"Poker is the same for demons and humans. You share information by gossip. At the higher levels, you can run into people in the underground and others who might be handy. I know a few I go beg at the scales of for bigger weapons for some battles. Be damned if I can keep fighting off Skrull without weapons. Beheading them sucks."
The king laughed. "Using a sword for a true battle would."
"Yeah, but really hard to behead with a pistol."
"True." He shook Xander's hand. "Thank you for the help."
"Let me know if you need more help." He pulled his gun and shot at her feet when she moved closer. "You nearly sold a few girls to the Russian mob, lady. Don't think I won't." She backed up a few steps. "Even the fate of the world isn't enough to support slavery and organ selling mother fuckers like them. And your mission wasn't that important then." He put his gun up, looking at the king again. "By the way, that caravan coming next month? Nope." He grinned. "They unwisely came near one of my girls. The *whoooooole* group went bye-bye in a huge whoosh of gas fire. All the hostages and slaves they had managed to get free but one, who ran to help her master." The king smiled and nodded his head slightly before walking off. Xander got into his truck and drove off.
The Black Widow sneered at the sight of the truck leaving. "He is not that good."
T'Challa stared at her. "Yes he is. He's handled many battles by himself. And he manages to keep the young slayers from being used by others." He walked around her. "He has managed to make many people impressed even though he is a white man." He went into the barrier so he could go home. She followed, still mad. He went to where his sister was, holding up the magazine. "Be more subtle than you were with the Egyptian news person please. You may not harm the young model they used. She seems nice and like she had a potential life before they figured out she was pretty."
She took it to read, grimacing. "What the hell?" she muttered.
"One of the ones Watcher Harris brought back from Botswana sold those pictures of the supposed you."
She looked at her brother, shaking her head. "She's pretty but I'm gorgeous and smarter."
"She could be, but no one is letting her. I doubt she wanted the mixup." He walked off.
"I'll protest on her behalf as well. That sucks," she said, taking it to talk to their head guard so she could call a news conference. Shuri needed to yell at someone.
T'Challa smiled as he ran into Steve Rogers. "Your teammate is mad that someone told her she had done wrong on a mission by trying to sell two young women." He walked past him. "Though I have to agree by what I know of it." He went to his own head of security, who pulled up the records from the SHIELD archives about that mission. Yes, Harris had been correct. They couldn't find one in SHIELD's files about the Council, Sunnydale, or Harris. It appeared they had stayed out of that problem for some reason.
Xander looked over as two people fell into his battle, shaking his head. "You need to cut them somewhere above their mid-chest," he yelled. "Just anywhere and split the chest cavity enough to let out the light thing!" A few of them nodded. One didn't listen and shot at one. Xander sighed but kept fighting the problem hatching and coming out of the cemetery. He finally got his side cleared and caught his breath, stretching a bit before heading for the other side's problems.
One of the heros was still shooting. Another one was using his sword. The third was using a dagger. Xander shook his head. "You can use a laser," he yelled, taking on one. It fell and the light came out. He backhanded the one coming up behind him, getting it too. A regular zombie so he beheaded it and moved on. At the end he sighed and stretched his arms with a wince, nodding at the guy with the sword. "Thank you and your teammates for the help, Warrior."
"You're Harris," he said in english.
Xander grinned. "I am. And now I need to beat the ass of the chaos sorcerer who was trying to bring back his family and ended up doing all this." He waved a hand around. "Thank you for the help."
"Welcome. Any more?"
"No, I got the other side of the cemetery before I came over," he said, nodding at Captain America, who looked constipated. He looked at the sword guy again. "If you need to copy the field manual call me and I'll have a copy made out for you and your usual region." He held out a hand. The guy shook it. "Have a better night, people." He walked off.
"Hold it," Steve Rogers demanded. Xander turned to look at him. "Why are you only talking to him?"
"Because Giles kept trying to teach me tact instead of blunt honesty. I'm not sure I can't say something about you being told how to take them out and you not doing that, Captain. You wasted a whole lot of bullets and wounded two of the locals trying to help." He pointed at them. "So therefore I talked to the person who handled the situation and did it in a way that had ethics."
He tipped his head. "You have a better night too and the same offer of the field manual is one to you too. That way you can study it so you're not stranded in a battle with the wrong weapon. It always sucks when you do that. Mine usually need artillery and I have bladed weapons." He shrugged and turned, walking off again. Xander popped his neck as he walked. "Hey," he called in Swahili. "Need my first aid kit or are those two all right?"
"They're fine, Watcher," another one said. "The sorcerer is crying in the courthouse."
"I know and understand why you'd want to bring back your family but this was the wrong way. Let me go yell at them." He tossed his sword into the cab and got into his truck, driving off. He paused by the injured people, nodding. "Go ahead and put them into the back. I'm going to town anyway, easier for me to drive you all." They got in and he drove them off.
Ronin looked at the others then shrugged. "He's right. He did yell that we had to cut them open and you ignored it, Cap." He walked off stretching his arms. He'd wonder about the kid but he looked familiar. Somehow. He'd have to check his notes to see why. The others complained. Clint looked at the complaining Natasha was doing. "And yet, he was here for hours before we got here, handled his side, then helped with ours." He stared at her. "And many others down here."
"He's american," she sneered.
"Yeah. He sounded it." He shrugged. "He's young too. He still handled it better than we did." She stomped past him. "I understand, I'd want to bring my family back too," he admitted quietly. "Even if it was the wrong thing to do." He went back to the jet, going to his seat to calm down and clean his weapons. Cap was still glaring. Clint stared at him, making Steve huff to the cockpit area. Clint looked the kid up and nearly laughed at what he found.
"Jeez, he was the yappy one's backup," he muttered. "No wonder he looked familiar." He flipped through his file. Partially crap and marked as such. Steve took it to read when he held it up. He slumped into his seat. "I'm pretty sure he knows what he's doing as often as we do." He took the tablet back and went back to reading on what happened out there. He wondered how he got to Africa but apparently he had a reason. He wondered why Natasha was seething but he'd find out about that too later.
Xander looked up from his campfire in the middle of nowhere, sipping his coffee when the young woman got out of the jeep and walked over to sit across from him. "What's happened?" he asked dryly.
"Mr. Harris, why are you down here?"
"Working with the baby slayers that are down here. No child should be a warrior. I'm working on their training and handling things for them. Though it's not your business since I know you're not Council."
Xander did a slow clap. "Are you still so rotted with assholes who like to torture people?" He sipped his coffee while she glared. "I ran into some of your happy little people before now, lady. They're not worthy of the title of human. I know some evil demons who're better beings than some of yours."
"They were probably HYDRA," she sneered.
"Last week? I thought you had cleared all those out last year." He stared at her. "Though I have blown up a HYDRA base because they wanted one of my baby slayers." He poured himself some more coffee and sipped it before putting the cup down. "So why did SHIELD send you down here to annoy me?"
"That'd be a change," he quipped then sneered at her, standing up. "I don't think the group that let people sell others if it helped with their missions and leave them there have a *thing* to say with me protecting my baby slayers and the people down here. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to talk to someone about getting a new sword." She got up and huffed off. He sat back down once she was gone and did indeed talk to the guy in Egypt about getting a new sword. His was getting worn out and the tip had cracked. It was beyond fixing most likely. Then he sent a report in to Giles about SHIELD showing up complaining about the girls.
In Cleveland, Giles noticed the new email and read it then summoned in their lawyer. "Apparently the rebuild of SHIELD is butting in again in ways that are annoying." He printed the note and let him have it. "Do have fun?"
He smirked evilly. "Yes, I will. I haven't eaten anyone in days." He walked off considering his options. Harris was...weird and stubborn but SHIELD was annoying. He started by pulling information from their archive dump to show in the press. SHIELD had tried to harm the slayers before. Including Buffy. She leaned into his office. "Yes, Miss Summers?"
"They were in Sunnydale when?"
"Your graduation year. They were seeing why the assassins were acting like you were a high priority target."
"So did they know about the Initiative mess?"
He considered it. "I don't know. We can see."
She grinned. "What sort of files do they have on us?"
"Not much of anything. Mostly that you were clearly a mystically gifted warrior who had a small combat team to help you."
"In those days, yup." She nodded. "Okay, let me know if it'll come down to a Sunnydale problem getting out. There were huge problems there. If I remember right that was during the love spell too."
"I've seen notes on that. He handled that mess he created better than most young men would have." She grimaced. "Most young men would've taken at least a small bit of fun. He did not."
"No, he didn't. He's still in trouble for that."
"Get the ones that taught him wrong about love instead," he advised with a smile. "Miss Rosenburg apparently didn't teach him how relationships should work."
"Point I guess." She went to warn Willow that someone was going to be poking into Sunnydale.
"Why can't one of us take out all the investigations out there?" Willow complained. "I wish we had control of something to handle all that."
"No wish demons here," Buffy quipped. "Sorry. And do you really want to be in charge of something like that?"
"Then don't wish," Buffy said with a smile for her. One of the minis came running in and turned on the news, looking at Buffy and pointing. "Is your throat still sore?" she asked, pulling her closer to look in her mouth. "You have white spots. That's like strep or something. We need to get you to the little slayer doctor tomorrow, Brenda." Brenda stomped her foot and pointed. Buffy looked and groaned. "GILES! BARTHOLOMEW!" They both came rushing in and she pointed at the tv. "Brenda spotted it. Go get some ice cream, Bren." The girl ran off, showing Andrew the news then taking the ice cream out to get a big bowl. Buffy relaxed and watched the replay of the incident in the cemetery. "Why?" she asked.
"That's a spell to revive close loved ones," Giles said quietly. He glanced at her. "That's the Roman spell instead of the English version." The lawyer nodded as he watched, arms crossed over his chest. "Who...oh, those costumed sorts," he complained. "Andrew...."
"I see," he called from the kitchen. "As the saying goes, never meet your idols, you'll be disappointed."
"They should've listened to Xander," Buffy quipped.
Willow stared. "That's the guy that Xander used to look up to in the comic books," she said quietly. "I wonder if he realized that." The end 'talk' was shown and she winced. "I taught him better manners than that."
"He was right. They didn't listen and just did what they wanted," Buffy quipped. She sighed, looking at Giles. "So we're...."
"Putting out a statement that we understand the urge to bring one's loved ones back, and a few of ours had done so in the past, but it is never the right thing to do. It always causes problems." He went to draft that and had Andrew send it for him. He knew where to send such things.
In the living room, Buffy winced when it flipped to a live broadcast of Xander facing off someone with a gun in his hand. "What the hell, Xander?" she complained. Yup, Xander shot him. And the guy turned into a shape changer. The local guards there trying to stop him all hissed and backed off. The mini slayer he was protecting ran over to hug him.
"Thank you, Xander. He was icky!" the mini slayer cheered.
"Yes he was," he agreed, picking her up to carry her off. "Let's get you back to safety away from alien shape shifters, Ki. You should be at home."
"He had my home raided to grab me. He said I'll do great things for my people."
"Yup, if you want to," Xander agreed.
"Sir, who are you?" a reporter yelled off camera.
Ki, the mini slayer, looked over Xander's shoulder with a smile and a wave. "This is Xander, he's our head watcher down here. He trains me in all sorts of fun stuff until I'm old enough to train as a slayer."
"You're a watcher?" the reporter yelled.
"Of the *new* Council, yup," Xander said, nodding but not looking at her. "Ki, remember, not supposed to hit the press," he told her quietly, caught by the reporter following them.
"We have to move anyway. They broke the house." She cuddled and he hugged her until she calmed down. "Is my mommy all right?"
"She called me so I hope so." He looked at her. "We'll get you right to her, then we'll all go hide." He glared at the reporter. "Move it before you get the girl hurt." The picture went to the ground. "Thank you."
"Were you with the Council before it got blown up?" that reporter yelled.
"Nope. When it blew up they had a price on my head for doing the job by helping the slayer in my town. I joined up after the old ones got blown up by a problem to remake it so the girls were supported like they should be."
"Then how did you get down here?"
"I came down here to grieve my former fiancee and then I ended up helping the girls I was telling about how they got called all at once." The picture changed to another camera, who was farther away but it caught him glaring at the cameraman. "Since then I've been training others and doing things so tiny little girls don't have to jump into a battle. Now the slayers aren't allowed in battles until they're of legal age, or eighteen, unless they're being attacked.
"By the time I'm ready to give up, at least a few will be near that age. And some local militaries can take care of it for them so it's not just one girl saving the world. Now, if you'll excuse me, her mother's probably frantic since you're putting this on the news. Which we don't like. The girls need to be normal girls as often as possible and putting them on the news will harm their families and them. Shoo. Go away." He waved a hand. "Before I have to ask a poker debt to hack all this." They left him alone, letting him get her into his truck and drive her off.
The camera crew tried to follow him but found two demons chewing on their tires. "The tiny slayers must be protected," one said with a toothy grin. "Some day they'll protect us all." He saw Xander's truck coming back and grunted, letting him and his buddy run for it and hop into the back so Xander could drive them off.
The reporter looked at her camera. "Back to the station, where you probably have less exciting things to report." The feed went to the main station and Giles moaned in his office.
"I'm putting up a notice that the shape changers often keep the ones they replace hostage," Andrew yelled from the kitchen. "So they can look for him and not panic."
"Xander would probably thank you for that," Willow called back. "Not that he could do anything about that." The Council's lawyer took Willow's laptop to get into another site then handed it back before walking off. "Our Xander did what?" she demanded after reading the headline.
Buffy looked over her arm. "Apparently he rescued some US political sorts from the same aliens by blowing them up. Xander really needs to calm down and date soon. Then he'd be using less weapons." Willow huffed but nodded, sending Xander a message to please go find a bad girl to screw so he quit blowing up things.
Xander showed up the next morning with the real president complaining he was being dragged up the stairs and he could walk. He handed him to a guard and held up his phone to show him a picture. "The rest are in that little farm to the north waiting on help. This one insisted he get back immediately and wouldn't wait." He walked off. "The military grunt had his smart watch on him."
"Sir," the guard called. "Who are you?"
Xander waved back. "Xander Harris, head watcher in Africa."
"Oh! You're him," he said, sounding awed. He helped the president up. "Where is that farm, sir?"
"About an hour from here, to the north, just about a mile past that skrull base." The guard called that in and he went to talk to his people. He stared at a few of them. "I saw you in the same cells earlier." They fled. "As of today, each and every one of you will be passing verification that you're human before you can do a single governmental thing," he announced. "As I will be. We cannot be taken over by some green alien!" He pounded his fist on the podium. "Someone find out how, today!"
"The aliens don't bleed red and some scent dogs that can scent demons can smell them," another guard called. "We have one such dog here, sir. The rest, we can poke on the finger."
"Go for it. I'll be first. Be damned if I want to be one of them." The guard came forward to poke him on the finger with a needle. Red blood. Most of the rest of the congressional group passed too. The rest were taken into custody. A few were partial demons and they were let go. For now. Right now it was about the aliens.
Xander showed up at a US embassy about a week later, getting nodded into an office once he handed over the invitation. "Hey, Wallers." He shook his hand. "Message from Giles?"
"He said to please calm down. To please date so you seemed happier again, and to please quit blowing up aliens. While it's handy and necessary, he'd like you to be more quiet about it."
"I haven't told anyone anything," Xander admitted, sitting down. "The ones I've rescued have noted it sometimes." He shrugged. "Not my fault the aliens seem to be around me sometimes."
"Point. The dating?"
"I haven't seen anyone nice in a bit. I could use one but I'm always on the road. Really hard to date that way."
"Lad, go for some easy stress relief please," Waller said dryly. He was the Council's plant in the upper levels of the state department. Xander just smirked at him. "Second, there's people who wish to speak to you."
"If they're like the lady SHIELD sent to nag me, I don't care."
"No, these are higher ups, lad." He looked him over. "You're at least partially dressed."
"Not much call for good suits in my present life."
"Point I suppose. Fine. They wanted to see where you've found skrulls and the like."
"I've kept notes. It's in my journal in my truck."
"That's fine. SHIELD? Really?"
"Yeah, some lady showed up when I was camping to try to nag. I pointed out they were worse than the old Council." He grimaced. "She huffed off."
"Wonderful. Just simply marvelous." He looked at the younger man. "The young one you saved?"
"She and her family moved closer to her mother's aunt. Few hundred miles away but in country."
"That's good then. She'll be safer there?"
"Well, the local goddess who claims that area thinks she's adorable and should be protected so probably." Waller stared at him, mouth slightly open. "One of the fertility goddesses. She's kinda nice and always has nice snacks when orphans find their way to her altar."
"That's wonderful of her I suppose. Do we have notes on her?"
"We don't even have *a* book on her. Anywhere." The older watcher shook his head with a sigh. "Let me get my journals." He went to get them from the truck and brought them in, open to the part about her. "That's that one." He sat down again.
He read it over, frowning. "Demonic?"
"Other realm I believe. Not that old. Got shoved over here about six hundred years ago by her temple's walls."
"Interesting." He flipped through them, staring at a few pictures the boy had taken. He held one up, a naked woman. "This is a potential for stress relief?"
"D'nar gave me that to remember her by after I saved her people." He grinned. "I don't think I'd measure up. She's two feet taller than I am and I'm only an average guy. She's probably used to someone taller."
The watcher put it back into the journal so he could flip through the others. He rubbed his forehead a few times. "I need to copy these for Rupert. He said your reports have been brief and only about problems and the girls' educations."
"That's what I'm supposed to report to him about. Or so I thought. Did he want to know that I had beer with a hunter god the other week?"
"Probably, yes. That may be seen as consorting, lad."
"Or I could've been talking to him about how to take out his cousin, who had stolen some people."
"Oh, I see. Did you report on that?"
"Yeah, and I mentioned talking to him about his cousin in it. Nothing about the beer and game of darts we had."
The watcher got that headache look Xander was used to from seeing it on generals he was explaining their newest problem to. "I need to copy these for Rupert's amusement. He could use some laughter since the girls have begun to nag him again." Xander waved a hand so he handed it to his assistant. "Scan those in for the Council please. Save me a copy too." His assistant nodded, getting into the program to do that. By the time his assistant got done, people were there to see the young one. One was being stood in the corner by Xander but otherwise they didn't look that amused. "Here you go, Xander." He handed the journals back over. He glanced at the one in the corner then at Xander, who grinned but rolled his eye. "Mr. Giles will hopefully be amused by some of those things that you didn't put into your reports."
"Could be," Xander agreed, tucking all but the last one into an envelope he took off the desk with a wave for the owner. Waller nodded so he could have that one. "What did you want to know, Gentlemen? And woman who is not allowed near any of my minis before I spank her for her shit last week?"
Waller cleared his throat. "She hurt one of your slayers?"
"Tried to tell her that she was doomed to die and she should just give up now since she was young enough to be pure enough to defeat the demon." He glared at her back then at his coworker. "The mini, who is all of six, went crying to her mother, who took her picture to tell me about it and let her husband run that one off. We don't appreciate that going on near our baby slayers as we expect them to grow up to do great things." He glared at her back again then looked at the others. "I'm sorry SHIELD is being infected by such problems, but that's got nothing to do with me, gentlemen. So why the summons?"
"Well, first, we'd like to see where you've blown up skrulls. I have the feeling we've missed a few."
"Could be. I didn't have to rescue people from most of them." He got into his journal to let him see that list. "That's where all the ones were but two were. One was the first one and I didn't keep track but it was about thirty miles from this one," he said with a point. "And the one that the politicians got rescued from I didn't keep track of because I figured they'd tell their people to raid it after they took down the second one I was going to handle. Saved some of my weapons so I wasn't that unhappy to let them."
The younger agent stared at him, then smiled. "You're a bit original, Mr. Harris." Xander smiled at that. "I'm not sure if I mean that in the good way or not though."
Xander laughed. "I had years of the girls telling me I was normal. It's nice not to hear that."
"No, I'm normal. You're not normal." He took a picture of those notes. "Any other higher beings you've run into that are a problem or could be a problem?"
"Most of the higher ones I've run into down here are either helpful or peaceful or I've dealt with it, Dr. Fitz. Quite a few were really helpful to the locals and have protected an area. They've agreed to watch over the mini slayers because the slayers are taught that peaceful ones aren't to be taken out unless someone causes harm." The woman in the corner snorted at that. "Did you have to bring the bimbo of her own destruction?"
"The director made me," Dr. Fitz admitted. "How did you know who I am?"
Xander grinned. "Salacia is one of the minis in Europe. She's still got you and your partner as pinups to look up to. She was waxing poetic that I'd get to meet her hero."
He blushed but smiled. "I'm glad I can inspire young scientists."
"She's thinking she wants to be some type of electrical engineer for prosthetics or something like that."
"It's an interesting field and there's a few great programs."
"She won't live that long," the woman sneered.
Xander got up and knocked her out by a jab to the neck. "All the minis will live to become grandmothers. The first rule of slayers is no one's allowed to die without permission." He sat back down. "I'm so sorry your boss sicced the dumb bitch there on you," he said dryly. "I wouldn't wish that on anyone."
Fitz nodded. "She has her good points. This is clearly not one." He looked at Xander again. "What's in your upcoming weeks?"
"I have a day off scheduled next week that the whole poker circuit knows I'm taking off and if they call me out of the spa and bar I'm going to kill someone. Otherwise I'm about to start a new round of checking and teaching so I'll spend about a week with each mini and driving between them. Then in three months I'll get another day off right before an expected battle time. It's an eclipse then and they do seem to happen sometimes. Usually with huge problems that show up."
"How on earth did you get the ascended one earlier this year?" Waller choked.
"I had a few mines and traps set up to capture the head. I blew into the nose with a grenade to knock it stupid, then I body surfed the top while chopping with a sword until I hit into the spinal column. That one hadn't thought of rolling to knock me off thankfully. I had some help from King T'Challa and had to tell Director Fury to suck me when he complained that I managed it." He shrugged with a grimace. "I'm used to whining like him nagging me about winning things so I just walked off once I had finally separated the head."
"He's alive. He's at a defunct base near the west coast of Africa." He pointed. "Lower to the south." He looked a the map on the wall and pointed. "It's around there somewhere according to the poker circuit."
"Wonderful. The director will be amused. He wanted to slug him."
Xander grinned. "I pointed out that he was just as bad as the old Council since he knew about Sunnydale and let Buffy do it without help. He knew about all the shit with the old Council and just let it happen." Dr. Fitz winced but nodded once. "So I'm not going to listen to him complain. If he has an idea on how to win a battle that I don't, then maybe I'll listen to the tactical suggestion. Frankly, the way he used to run you guys put a lot of you in unnecessary mental anguish."
Xander waved a hand with a grin. "Having run into both former agents who were still sane, barely, and former agents who were battling to get back to sanity after a bad mission.... Every mission shouldn't send you to a shrink. If so you're either in the wrong agency or the one sending people on assignments is shit at it."
"SHIELD did have a bit of both," Leo Fitz admitted. "Do your higher ups send you on assignments?"
"No. Battles are volunteer only from those who're cleared. If we need more, there's younger ones who're mostly cleared who would volunteer and we're holding back due to being seventeen or so. Or we call guys like you and get snorted at but some of the girls usually go kidnap a few agents the day before. Some agents are really all about the sigh and 'let me grab my phone' when they show up. Their bosses got used to the girls showing up and kidnaping them so therefore they're going to need backed up and no one wanted to." He grinned. "The LA office of the FBI is very annoyed at it but they know why the higher ups complain about battles. We're good but we're not an army."
"Good point. I hadn't considered the girls taking hostages."
"Oh, they feed them, make the agents help with homework, be a big brother for a night then they tell them the problem that night so they can warn people who'll actually help them. The agents make sure the girls are all fed up the next morning and ready to go. When they get there, they take film for the government sorts who will be complaining and get help on the way faster. Then they jump in to help." He shrugged. "It works well for the LA office and in New Orleans. In New York, most of them haven't been battles we need to jump into but we have. Then get told off for jumping into the battles. Which means usually the girls up there tell SHIELD to kiss their asses. I think Maria Hill is now sighing about that phrase whenever she sees a slayer after a patrol or something."
"She could be. She's working with the Avengers at Stark though."
Xander sighed, shaking his head. "I wish her much fun. She'll probably need it. And some wine."
"I saw the video about that fight in the cemetery."
Xander nodded. "Me too. I looked so fat in that video. I got nagged I had gained weight by Buffy." Waller burst out laughing. "Seriously. And she kept Willow from making a wish to make me a president of something or somewhere. Of course, they'd probably bend the wish on her so I'd end up the king of a fairy realm or something." He looked at Leo Fitz again then grinned. "Don't worry, if we end up with an Empire of Xander it'll be a lot more calm and more fun."
"I'm sure it would be." He cleared his throat. "Can she do that?"
"The better question is can she find a wish granting being who'd do it for her. There's nineteen types of wish granting beings."
"Eighteen," Waller corrected. "One's considered mythical and no longer on this realm."
"Saw one last month, and they bite!" Xander said with a mad grin at the end, rolling up his shirt to show him. "See?"
"They...bite," he said. "Can we prove what it was?" Xander got into his phone, then handed it over when he found a picture. "Oh, that is that species of fairies. Oh, dear." He let his assistant save down all the pictures and files on the phone then handed it back. "That way we can go over other species we had thought might be extinct that you may have run into."
Xander shrugged but grinned. "In there are film from battles too. Including one that I had to pull two baby slayers out of by their hair. *Someone* decided they should handle it at eight. *Someone* ended up running into the battle to get away from me fixing his mind for him. The girls got dragged out because they were battle lost and then I sent them to one's mom to talk to them and get them help. Their own parents moved near that one to make sure their girls were safe again. That country apologized to them too when I had a fit on their top general for expecting kids to do it for them. The person who had that plan got to suddenly retire far *far* away from the baby slayers."
Waller smiled. "Good! It's a wonderful thing our girls get to grow up now. Before, I couldn't do much to shield the girls but now we expect them to grow up and be women as long as they can."
"I fully expect to see their grandkids and to protest them naming some after me," Xander quipped with a grin. "If they don't make that I get to scowl until they beg to be reborn or come back as a future mini's guardian angel."
"That is good for the girls," Waller agreed, smiling at him. "Most of us older ones consider you very reactive and hyper over the girls but I can see why you are."
"Because little girls should be little girls who play with cute animals and bigger girls who're old enough to be in battles shouldn't be saving the world by themselves," Xander said. "And I'll retire when all the vampires are gone. They started their own war there." He looked at Leo Fitz, who looked amused. "They did. The rest, I'll handle as long as I can." Something outside roared and he sighed, getting up to look. He opened the window. "What the hell are you doing? This is an embassy, Fred!"
Fred the demon stared at him. "My daughter is here! I come to reclaim her so she has to answer to her mother for being mouthy!"
"Your daughter's an adult and they can argue later, when you're not prompting Marines to beg for backup. Please?"
"Fine. I will wait until she comes out tonight. We will straighten out her willfulness."
"Is it possible she's right?"
"Every being is wrong at least once," Xander said patiently. "If your daughter is wrong this time, then you can nag her where Marines aren't going to shoot you."
"Fine!" He huffed and glared at the building. "We will speak when she comes home tonight."
"If it's about her boyfriend, agree to meet him over a weekend. He might grow on you," Xander said patiently.
"No! She's not allowed that yet. Her mother complains that she dresses like a slayer."
Xander burst out laughing. "That's how girls get boyfriends, Fred. Let her dress like Faith, not like Buffy."
"Her mother was worried that I would have to let her destroy some boys instead of doing so myself." His daughter came out to glare at him. "You are young and we know best."
"You do not and if you don't quit I'll start going naked!"
He leaned down. "Your mother's people do such but they wear much jewelry instead. We would have to find some for you if you wish to switch to her ways. You may still not wear that striped skirt. Ask the Xander." He pointed.
"Xander, isn't this a cute outfit?" she called.
He sat on the windowsill to see her. "Skirt's too short in the back, dear. And it looks like it's a size too small." She covered the back and blushed. "Otherwise, you have cute knees. It's not modest but it's cute. Buffy would definitely wear it." She pouted. "Dress like Faith or Kennedy, dear. They both have taste and no booty skirts."
"I can do that," she sighed. "Let me go put on tights."
"Or single color leggings," Xander offered with a grin. "Really tight ones that would match the shirt. Let the skirt be the color in your outfit." She smiled and nodded going to find some of those. Xander looked at the father. "All girls do that sometimes," he said patiently. "In the slayers they get it from the imprint that came from Buffy. The girls get leather pants from Faith." Fred snorted but patted him on the head before leaving so he could nag his daughter later. Xander looked out. "Guys, that little purple cute thing is deadly," he called. "And if you puncture it, gas leaks out that can kill you." They found it and got a box to put over it. Thankfully it died when not allowed access to sunlight. Xander came in and shut the window, shrugging at Waller. "Those little purple giggly things. You had one on the gate."
"Those are annoying," he said. "We'll work up how to trap them later. Thank you for diffusing that situation."
"All the girls have clothing fights about 'it's not that short'," Xander said dryly, sitting down again. "Even Buffy's told a few that they looked tacky. Which said something considering Buffy was wearing something ho short that day." He rubbed his forehead. "She called up on video call since Giles refused to answer that fight and Andrew hid in the freezer instead." The young demon came in. "That looks cute. Good job." She hugged him and kissed him on the cheek before handing over a can of soda and leaving again. He grinned, opening the soda to take a drink. "I had ramen last night for dinner. Thankfully I found that new ramen shop."
"You are definitely not the usual sort that we see," Dr. Fitz said.
Xander smiled. "Of course I'm not. No one really normal ever came from Sunnydale." He took a sip then put the can on a coaster on the desk.
"So we've heard. I'll bring this to our current director."
"Holderson?" Xander guessed. "Seen him recently."
"He was HYDRA."
"Then it's a good thing I blew up their base when they tried to take a baby slayer," he quipped with a grin.
"Coulson is in charge."
"Hmm. He's not bad from what I've heard around but too mired in the upper levels of bullshit that they used to give." Xander shrugged. "Glad it's not me, Doctor Fitz. You have fun with that."
"I shall. Thank you, Mr. Harris." He shook his hand. The agent who had been in the corner and had sat there being quiet once she woke up left together.
Xander looked at Waller, shrugging some. "At least they're not trying to take us over too. I'd hate to be corporate."
"We'd hate to see you doing that too, lad." He smiled at him. "Go relax. We don't have a problem for a day."
"Day and a half. Tomorrow at dusk when the wedding's going to happen and then the reception will have fights." He took his soda and smiled at him before leaving. He paused at the young woman's desk, looking over her shoulder. "The blue set," he told her. "Very Faith like." She grinned up at him. "And on your hip shape they'll look better." He patted her on the arm. "Tell Fred I said to calm down. At least you're not introducing him to the boyfriend that you're pregnant by like Cynthia did." He left, going back to his truck and then his hotel.
"True, my mother would eat both of us if I did like Slayer Cynthia," she agreed to herself. Her boss came out to glare at her. She shrugged. "Dad's totally into embarrassment sometimes. I'm sorry he did that."
"That's fine. Find a way to trap the purple things."
"We've got that one dying in a box. We can use more boxes since they easily suffocate that way." He nodded, going to tell others that.
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