Xander woke up in a cell. He wasn't sure why he was in a cell but he was. It wasn't a local cell. He'd seen plenty of those bailing his family out of Sunnydale's jail but it was definitely a cell. He sat up after making sure no one else was in there with him or nearby. The cell looked...weird to him. The fabric on the bed wasn't a standard mattress or plain enough to be a US prison cell. So definitely weird.

He checked himself, finding a spot that was starting to pimple up from a shot of some sort. "Anytime I get hit with a needle, I pop up a small pimple," he reminded himself. He popped it and wiped the stuff on his pants. Which weren't his usual style. The plain white fabric wasn't cotton or polyester, it was shimmery feeling and felt weird like the bed fabric did. He looked up. "I know I'm a geek," he mumbled. "But if the kidnaping fairy wanted me that badly, she should've asked."

A man, about middle aged and looked like he could've been a cousin to Xander, walked up to the fancy bars of the cell. "Good, you're awake. You'll make a good host for me later on. You're young, strong, and have trained partially as a warrior." He smirked.

"What makes you think I want that honor?" Xander quipped, leaning back against the cell wall.

"You cannot fight my will, boy."

Xander snorted. "I doubt like hell whatever you're trying is going to work on me. I'm not the usual kid." He stared at this guy. He was wearing weird clothes, nothing humanish that he had seen in any of Buffy's magazines. His jewelry was gold but gaudy instead of tasteful. "I mean," he waved a hand at him. "You dress horribly and your taste in jewelry is gross. Why would I want to help you do anything?"

"I'll make sure you will."

"You can't torture me enough to make me give in, dude. Really. I'm not like other boys." He stared at him until the guy walked off in a huff. Xander grimaced. "Great." He got up to look around the cell. Toilet, small sink on top to wash your hands. No window but the wall was metal. He laid a hand on it, feeling the tiny vibration through his fingers. "No, can't be," he muttered. He shook his head and went back to looking around. No food but he expected that to be a common tactic.

Though, if he wanted him to fight something for him he'd have to feed him eventually he guessed. The bars weren't electrified and the lock was a pretty standard key lock like you saw on a front door for some reason. "Someone hired a bullshit person to build their cells," he muttered, looking at it. "Hmm." He went back to the bunk to sit on and pretend to be a good boy when he heard his 'host' come back. Xander stared at him. "So what are you since you're clearly not human but I'm guessing not demonic."

"Demons are amusing," he said with a smug look. "Many of us don't believe that's what they were but I remember them." He stared at him. "I'm Ba'al."

"Named yourself after the Egyptian God of Thunder, huh?" Xander asked dryly.

"I am a God, boy."

"No, a God wouldn't need a host body or a warrior-in-training. Ra might've based on the legends of him being chopped into pieces but I heard his wife got him back together with some mystical mojo on his magical dick." He stared at him. "Real gods don't need hosts to appear normal." He smirked a tiny bit. "Seen a few in Sunnydale. They hang out by the college to teach history."

The god glared at him. "You are impudent and will fall in line with my wishes. Or you will pay before I take you over."

"I doubt that because it'll mean a weak host body," Xander said with a small smirk. "Logic, dude, you don't use it very well. Worse than a teenage girl." Ba'al stomped off again. "Well, that figures. Kidnaped by aliens. I'll never live this one down if I get back to the home planet," he sighed. He got comfortable to wait. Ba'al was a shit kidnaper and all Xander needed was a paperclip or something. Then they'd see if he was an actual god or not.

It only took a few hours for Ba'al to get too annoyed and stomp off like a pouty girl for a longer time. Thankfully Xander knew he'd be gone for a while this time. He had found a single pin hidden on the bed's edge. Clearly his last hostage hadn't gotten to use it. Xander wasn't going to wait that long. He got up to check. He could see the main bridge area if he pressed against the bars and peered through a doorway. No idiot alien supposed god so he was probably safe to pick the lock.

"The things you learn when your parents get drunkenly locked out of everything," he muttered. He got the bars open and checked again then snuck out. The ship wasn't that big. He found a sarcophagus looking device. Which figured since the guy thought he was an Egyptian god. The 'tomb' around the sarcophagus wasn't that pretty by his standards of what he'd seen on tv. So clearly still building up to greatness.

He didn't check inside. If the guy was in there, that was fine, he could stay there for now. If he was wandering around Xander would try to take him out. He walked off, heading for the bridge area. With a pause in the kitchen when he found it first. He needed a snack. The idiot had apples. So great for him. He walked onto the bridge and stared as he nibbled. "Not too far off Star Trek," he decided quickly, going to check where they were. Leaving the earth solar system. Charming!

He only had a minor thing for astronomy thanks to Star Trek and other geek things but he had learned a lot about a few fields related to the Enterprise. Including how to reset a course since it was labeled. "Clearly he stole this," he muttered. He got them turned around and turned to look at the man standing there. "I'm not doing shit for you, dude. You're weak. I mean, I know strippers tougher than you."

"You'll serve the gou'ald, boy." He sneered at him. "You're not totally worthy but you'll do until I make a new set of bodies."

"Nah, not my thing. One soul per body. Mine's already attached." The man threw a jar at him, making Xander flinch but bat it aside. The thing inside broke free and wiggled toward him. It bit him but then screamed in pain as it shriveled up and died. Xander grinned. "Like I said, not normal." Ba'al was looking horrified. "Let me guess. It doesn't like magic?"

"Magic is not real!" he sneered.

"You'd be shocked. I work with a pretty powerful witch, dude." He looked at the computer board then nodded and accepted something suggested. "There."

"You could destroy your planet if you don't know what you're doing," Ba'al quipped.

Xander stared at him. "Dude, I know more about Star Trek than some of the writers. Your ship's less complicated than the Enterprise." Ba'al looked horrified. Xander grinned and waved a tiny bit. "Yeah, geek, me. And some of my friends. Xander, not the average twenty-year-old guy." He stretched. "So, this host thing. I'm guessing it won't work since that one only screamed a lot before dying. So what else did you have planned, Ba'al?"

"You will not escape. I can eliminate you and get another suitable host."

"Yeah, no, not gonna happen." Ba'al rushed him after turning on some sort of field projection system to protect himself. "Oooh, a force shield, whatever will I do?" Xander sneered then attacked from the side instead of the front. The weak spots on those were almost always on the back but Ba'al wasn't going to fall for a back strike yet. The guy was a good fighter, but clearly out of practice. "I know teenage girls that hit better too, Ba'al. Are you sure you're a supposed deity?" Ba'al growled and attacked again. It barely bothered Xander so he managed to get to his back this time. No weapons so he couldn't stake or stab him. He did kick a chair over to grab something pretty off it and found a dagger had fallen out. He looked at it then nodded. "Pretty."

"Ra gave that to me as a rebirthing day present," Ba'al sneered. "Give it back."

"When it's sticking out of you." Xander stared at him. "C'mon if you think you're so hot."

"I can have you beamed into space. Then retrieve my present."

Xander grinned. "I disabled that system. Sorry. Needed the power for the engines. Warp speed four, Mr. Sulu." He batted his eyes at him. "So damn weak. I know stronger vampires." Ba'al growled again but didn't attack this time. Xander looked at the board then nodded and did something. It sent them away from earth. Ba'al laughed at that but Xander grinned. "I can get home later. You..I don't want near my people." Ba'al started to cackle.

So Xander flicked his fingers, finding the regeneration unit listed. He turned it off. Ba'al screamed in rage. Xander shut off the replication system too. Just in case he was making more of himself or something. He looked at the guy then recalibrated the oxygen mixture in use too. He was immune to a bit more nitrogen in the air than the supposed god probably was. If not, he could change it back. Ba'al started to breathe harder. Xander grinned at him.

"You are much like O'Neill," he sneered as he gripped the chair next to him. "Always too smug and yet inferior."

"Sounds like someone I'd like to meet," Xander quipped, waiting it out. The guy fell to not being able to breathe well enough. Xander got him tied up then fixed the air again so he was more comfortable too. Ba'al got put into his former cell and the door was jammed closed this time. No picking possible. Xander went to check out the rest of the ship. The sarcophagus was the regeneration unit apparently. It had an ancient version of the guy in the cell in there. Xander hit the destroy button. It screamed as it got eaten by light. He checked, no residue left afterwards and no weird worms.

He spotted a few in jars and considered it then put them in there and burned them too. Ba'al had woken up enough to be screaming at him to stop. Xander grinned and waved, dropping in the last of the wormy things. Then he hit the destroy button. All gone. Ba'al was all but crying so apparently that was a bad thing to him. Xander searched the area. He found the cloning chambers. One of his host's body. Three other Xanders though. He considered it, looking at the panel. He destroyed the Ba'al copy. His copies were nearly finished so he'd let them.

"I could use a twin or two. Then one of us could go evil." He strolled off to get another apple to nibble on. "Hmm." He went to reset the course again. This time he got them back closer to their normal solar system, but outside it for now. He did not want alien douchebags on his planet. Buffy might date it.

***

Xander waved at the first clone of him that woke up. "It's a weird thing."

"Wow, you're me."

"I'm the original me, as far as I know. I was the only one that wasn't in here." He waved a hand at the other two clones. "We have an idiot alien wannabe god who thought we'd make a great host for him."

Xander 2 grimaced as he climbed out of the tube. "That totally sucks."

"He said his name is Ba'al. I took out his clone that was being built and a lot of wormy things that he had in jars. Let's finish waking the other two up then we'll go search the ship?" That got a nod and they got the other two woken up. Original Xander drew a '1' on his tank top. The others got their own numbers before going out to search out food, water, supplies for weapons, and any other wormy things.

One of them did get bitten but the sarcophagus got him free somehow when Xander 2 shoved him into it so he could destroy the worm. The others relaxed and went back to their searchings. They found a few weapons in the ancient class and a few weird things that may be alien weapons. Ba'al was watching them, but he was clearly confused.

Xander 4 looked at him. "What's wrong?"

"You're not fighting for dominance. I messed up your cloning."

"Nah, we don't care about dominance." He smirked. "We're used to being the guy behind the hero." He strolled off again to look at the guidance display. "Hey, Original One? It says we're nearing earth's orbit."

"Great." Xander came out to look at that and then opened the communications panel. Because they could all see the dreadnought level ship in front of them. "Hi," he called and waved when a picture showed up on the main screen. "The alien wannabe God is in the cell. I didn't want to be a host so I denied his urges. Oh, and I killed a bunch of wormy things too."

"What?" the man wearing colonel's tabs demanded.

"I'm Xander. These are the other mes that the guy who calls himself Ba'al made." He waved at hand at them with a grin. "Thankfully he didn't realize the true power of minor geek. I can't claim major geek status but I am a minor Star Trek geek." He smiled sweetly. "So we're coming home. Has it been a long time since September first?"

"Um, three days."

"Oh, good, then the girls wouldn't have worried too much." He looked at the others, who all smiled and nodded back. He looked at the colonel again. The poor colonel looked so confused. "Should I put that Ba'al wannabe guy in the sarcophagus or not?"

"Not. We want to charge him with horrifying things," the colonel said. "Lower your shields so we can beam over?"

"Um...." Xander looked at all the displays, shaking his head. "It doesn't say we have one. A defense shield against asteroids but that shouldn't defeat boarding."

"Okay. Just stay there in sight, kids." He turned to say something to a soldier on his bridge. Who ran off. "We'll be right over to get this all straightened out."

Xander stared at him. "I've seen weirder than a guy pretending to be an Egyptian deity of thunder, Colonel. Really!" He waved. "Going to the kitchen. It's dry in here. It's just up the hall on the left." He came back with bottles of water and the guy who had beamed in. "Is he yours?"

"Kind of. Though supposedly dead."

Xander looked at the sandy haired guy who was wearing glasses. "Are you a Messenger?"

"No, Xander. Not exactly." He smiled. "Though I did tell Whistler to go home, I'd handle it since this was our weirdness getting into the Powers That Be's." He looked at the screen. "Caldwell, it's fine. You can beam Jack over. Ba'al is still in his cell being despondent."

"I'll call him, Jackson. Why are you back?"

"Because Ba'al just broke a long standing treaty that the Ancients made." He smiled. "And Jack's going to be screaming like hell in about ten minutes so duck really hard." Caldwell, the colonel, just nodded and signed off. He looked at the quad of boys. "This is going to get really bad."

"No, we had the military in Sunnydale at one time but they were evil," Xander 4 said. "Our group had to take them out and down."

Daniel winced. "That's going to be even worse." Two figures beamed in then a third. "Hey, guys." He smiled and waved. "I'm handling the newly broken treaty thanks to Ba'al."

"He's whining in the cell because we're not fighting for dominance," Xander 2 said with a grin and a wave. "He didn't do any homework about us at all apparently. Just that we fight things." He looked at Daniel. Then at the military people. "Before we go any farther, what does the Initiative project name mean to you?" One of them, the female, spluttered. "They were in my town and we're not happy with their sort."

"We are not that sort," Daniel assured him. "Whistler just told me about them."

Original Xander snorted, giving him a look. "While Whistler is the messenger for the PTB for Buffy and other champions, the PTB hate us like hell because we fixed problems on them. They'd probably like us to be fucked up the butt by a volcano." Daniel smiled and nodded. "So yeah, not trusting Whistler or his bosses. Frankly, don't make me put the plans I have into effect." He looked at the guy wearing General stars. "So, General. Welcome to this place I woke up in thanks to the supposed alien deity."

"First, who are you?" the general asked.

"Jack, relax," Daniel ordered. He patted the original Xander on the back. "This is Xander Harris. He's from Sunnydale. His team helps stop the end of the world each spring, and sometimes in the fall." He patted Xander again. "Xander, this is my former teammate, Jack O'Neill. This is Colonel Samantha Carter. That is Colonel Cam Mitchell. He's my current team leader if I get back to human."

Xander four stared at Mitchell. "You look like the guy that came out to look at the former base but got ran off."

"I was there to see what the hell happened. Higher ups sent me because they reported a special team was shut down by locals."

"For neat things like torturing them," Xander 2 agreed. Three was nodding to back him up. He looked at him. "Do you talk?"

"Yeah, but you're saying it all for me." He grinned. 2 grinned back and they hit each other on the arm. He looked at them. "Our group shut down their whole project that was working on finding out demons." Daniel coughed. "By torturing them and pulling them apart and other bad things. We stopped their monster that they were going to unleash on everyone else too." He grinned and waved at the staring woman. "Buffy did the main work. We helped free the base. And if I find one of them again I'm going to shoot at them again for being evil fucks!"

Jack O'Neill looked at his teammates. "Did we participate in that program?"

"I saw the notes after shut down. Torture is a weak word," Sam Carter said. "Someone sent us the notes to see if something they found could be useful for us."

"Okay, so better off dead." He looked at the boys again. "Thank you for that service." They grinned. "This Ba'al clone?" They pointed. Cam stomped that way. "Sure, you do that. You have more experience with this one."

"He had one new body in making but we destroyed it," One told him with a grin. "And I freed myselves they were making. Then we destroyed a lot of snakes in jars that he got all weepy about."

"The sarcophagus did really well when one of us got bitten by one too," 3 said, pointing at 2's leg. "It ate the snake and not us."

"Usually it won't do that," Daniel said, looking at them then at the original one. "Any idea why?"

Xander shrugged but grinned. "He threw one at me and it screamed then died when it tried to bite me. So maybe magic, not sure. Could be hellmouth taint."

"Magic?" Sam Carter demanded.

Xander nodded. "We do deal with that in Sunnydale sometimes. You'd have to talk to Willow about that, or Giles. It goes screwy around me for some reason that may be Willow or the hellmouth. Not sure and not my thing." He shrugged and grinned. "Things get weird in Sunnydale and we just handle them as they come." The other three nodded to back him up.

"They do more weird things than we ever have," Daniel told them with a grin. "And it's probably going to be worse soon." All four Xanders stared at him. "Whistler said you can't be there."

"Whistler can tongue us and all our asses," Xander 3 said sarcastically. "Because I don't follow that sort of order. He's not my higher power."

"There's a problem that you're ignoring," Sam Carter said. "You're dealing with classified things here." All four of them snorted at her. "Like you can go to jail for this, boys."

"For being kidnaped? Really? We knew our government was fucked up," the original Xander said. "After all, they tainted the army by sending a bunch of them to our town to replay some of the biggest hits of the past war crimes they've done. Frankly, your little snake things and all that? Yawn, lady. I've met three actual gods. Your pathetic wannabe god that's possessed?" He grimaced. "So very pathetic. I mean, I beat him and I'm not the best fighter around. So he can't be that great." He waved a hand. "So damn pathetic." He looked at the others, who shared a look then nodded. "Not like we're going to press to keep the ship. It's kinda weak too by Enterprise standards."

"Boys, we're still going to have to take you into custody long enough to debrief you," Jack O'Neill said.

They grinned and waved. "Willow!" they all yelled. She appeared and stared with her mouth open and eyes wide. "There's a wannabe god who decided we'd be his new host body so he was creating more. Can we come home now?" She nodded, taking them all with her. Just so she could scream, rant, and complain at the Goddess that there were now four Xanders. They grinned and went to their apartment to shower, change into real clothes, and deal with things. The group could scream about them that night, after Willow got her huffiness out of the way. That way there weren't one Xander and three cats.

Jack O'Neill looked at his former anthropologist. "What was that?"

"Magic," he said with a nod. "They deal with demon problems. Including ones that were around before the Ancients. They're probably not going to talk about anything because they have seen more weird things."

"Those gods?" Sam demanded.

"Teach at their local college. Not pretending gou'ald or ancients either. Literal pagan gods." She slumped, staring at him. He nodded. "There was a treaty to keep the gou'ald out of demon affairs because the gou'ald knew they couldn't beat the demon courts. The demons were supposedly very amused by them but it was a lot of work for little benefit at that time.

"Plus it reinforced their local ruling by giving over their problem people to be taken as slaves. Though they were dying off at that time so it sorted itself out while the gou'ald got driven off by the humans and some demons who loathed the snakes." He shifted his stance, looking at the handcuffed Ba'al. "You broke a treaty, Ba'al. That means that demons are now your enemy again."

"They died," he sneered.

"No. They're hiding." Daniel grinned. "If a witch could get up here from her town in California...." Ba'al shuddered. "Exactly. You broke the treaty."

"The other gou'ald won't care since I'm about the only one left."

"True, which means that the demons can now take over your old methods. Including the stargate system if they can find a way to get to it." Ba'al laughed. "Remember, there's always been some that could fit in." Daniel grinned at Jack. "Thankfully the ones on base are just making sure we don't screw up too badly."

"We have demons on the base?" Carter demanded.

"Yeah!" He smiled and nodded. "Always have. Even before that mess out in Sunnydale happened. They wanted to make sure we didn't turn into something evil. Or lose humanity." She grimaced. "Yup." He looked at Cam then at Jack again. "Shit's about to get hard and real again, Jack. Kinda glad I'm on this side even though I can't read any books." He disappeared. "Leave the kid alone. You won't like that consequence. He will become the evil we can't battle."

"Uh-huh. Sure. You betcha," Jack muttered. "Okay, let's land this ship, people. Then we'll space gate the idiot gou'ald." Ba'al struggled but he didn't get free. Cam moved to land the ship for them. Jack could go talk to the boys later on. Once he didn't have a headache from the great beyond.

***

Xander leaned into the Magic Box that night. "Is she done screaming yet?" Buffy shook her head. "Pity. We're on our way to pizza." He walked in with the others. Giles was staring at him. Xander stared back, snapping his fingers a few times. "I got taken by some guy who claimed he was Ba'al and he had small snakey things that tried to infect us but couldn't. Any idea? Because the military came to get him and we had to use Willow to escape. We might have to escape more."

Giles took off his glasses. "You're sure he was Ba'al?"

"He said he was Ba'al. He was dressed like a techno Egyptian version and had gaudy jewelry. His sarcophagus destroyed the snakes we put into it. Including the one that nearly got Xander 2 there." He pointed at him. Then he grinned. "Ba'al was not happy that all the snakes got destroyed and we destroyed his clone too."

"Did he have anything else that could have identified him?" Xander 2 nodded. "What?"

"Big ring thingy. Had hieroglyphs. Looked like it might make a portal of some kind."

"Yes, I know of that thing," he said, moving to look in a book. Then he walked off calling. "Sit down, boys. You can have pizza in a few moments. This could be very bad."

"Is that bad like the messenger lite guy said something about a broken treaty and he had talked to Whistler?" the original Xander called after him.

"Yes, that's a horrible omen and we're all doomed," Giles said, frowning as he dialed. "Marsha, Rupert Giles. My boys ran into a man claiming to be Ba'al who had a snake thing that possessed him and a ring device with hieroglyphs that looked like a portal device." She transferred him over. He closed the office door to talk to that researcher. He opened it. "Xander, come give a report." He came in to do that.

Whistler appeared, looking at the trio of Xanders. "You can't be here. It's dangerous. The thing that makes Xander harder to take out didn't get passed over."

Xander 2 stared at him. "We used his medical thing to check ourselves for bad ideas," he said. "We know very well what got passed over, Whistler. And how he apparently took out some of the mermaid taint."

"It created a bad clone," the balance demon agreed. "You're not safe here."

"We're not safe anywhere since there's military people involved," 4 said.

Three nodded. "Better to be unsafe on ground you know than grounds you don't. Or being on the run from the military. And frankly, you don't speak for us or our language. You're over Buffy, not us." Whistler winced. "Sorry but yay. We'll handle it. We always have and we always will."

Buffy waved a hand. "Why is this a bad thing?"

"The idiot broke a treaty keeping the old demon courts out of humanity."

"But they're mostly dead," 2 said cheerfully. He grinned at her. "They died out about when the snakey things left from the history I glanced at sometime in high school."

"True but they could reform," Whistler said. "Then humanity is screwed."

"We'd work against that," Buffy agreed. "And they're all dead. So why the worry?"

"They could use those three as a sacrifice, slayer. They aren't safe."

"We took out our blood innocence by killing all the snakes on the ship," 4 said. "We let Anya jump us for the virginity problem." She nodded, looking smug. "She helped us do a protection rite so we're not magically innocent either. The only thing they could get is using us to get the original Xander for his hellmouth taint. And this way he's more protected anyway." Whistler winced but nodded once. "Secondly," he said with a smile.

Three waved a hand. "Secondly, the PTB hate us so anything you tell us that comes from them is obviously a trap to kill us or take us from helping Buffy so it's the way it used to be and she's all alone again. So they can suck us. We already heard about the group in England that they prompted to put a price on our heads. And we've heard about the demon that they told about us so we'd be taken as a sacrifice. We stopped that last one on our road trip." He smiled. "Beyond that, I don't care what they want. Do you guys?"

"Nope," the other two said.

The original Xander leaned out with a grin. "Keep it up. Watch me use a poker debt." Whistler shuddered and left. "Thanks!" He smiled and waved at the ceiling. "That demon they told about me was pretty nice to tip my ass when I was at the club. The succuba that used to hang around were really amused but couldn't nibble on me anyway." He slammed the door after a look at his clones. They just grinned back.

"Which demon was this?" Anya demanded.

"Salamat," Four cooed.

Anya blinked a few times. "He'd kill you in bed. His kind are corrosive."

"Well, the PTB hate us," 2 reminded her. "So probably the point, Ahn."

"Good point." She grimaced. "That would've sucked."

"He got three succuba because they volunteered to save the humans," 4 told her.

"Oh, charming!" She walked off calling a demon friend to complain about that and find out what was being said about her pookie.

Buffy looked at the three Xanders. "So, you're all going to stay together?"

"For now. Until we make some choices," 2 agreed. "We haven't made any good plans yet. Right now it's just a need for pizza to start that."

4 nodded. "We thought we'd get the screaming out of the way first." Willow stomped in from the back room. "Are you better yet?"

"Did one of you already get eaten?" she demanded.

"In the office making a report because the idiot broke an ancient treaty with the demon courts," Buffy said. "So...how?" She waved a hand.

"Cloning," 3 said with a nod. "The idiot bad guy was making himself copies for his future hosts. We were apparently going to be a side plot to give him unknown hosts."

"But the snake things hated us," 4 added. "It screamed so pretty when it tried to bite the original one. The one that did get bitten for a few minutes it couldn't do anything with so died."

Willow slumped into a chair. "You're way too calm, Xander. Or whatever."

"No, we're all Xander's." The original came out of the office.

"Frankly, me finding clones was pretty nice after finding myself on a space ship." Willow winced but nodded. "But, hey, the Star Trek stuff came in real handy." He grinned. "We were in space," he told Buffy. "We got to drive the ship to get him away from here before he tried to flirt with you."

"Thanks. I don't need skanky snake holders to flirt with me." She looked at Giles as he came out to reshelve that book. "Are we okay?"

"We're fine, children. The Council is not amused at the Americans at the moment as they brought this problem on all our heads." He looked at the other Xanders. "At least this may solve a few problems for you." They grinned at him. "We'll have to get you all papers." He rubbed his nose then sighed. "What are your current plans?"

"Pizza, making name decisions," the original one said, looking at his others. They nodded. "Maybe they can hire on at the site too." He shrugged and grinned. "We're going for pizza. If Air Force guys show up, they're the ones that thought we should be in custody. We're ignoring it and heading in the other direction." They walked off together, talking about what to get on their pizza. They mostly agreed on things but one wanted to try some weird things to see what they tasted like. They could get him a small order on the side so the rest of them didn't have to eat tofu, oranges, or anchovies.

Buffy looked at the others. "I think it calmed him down. He might be normal now." Willow nodded at that. Giles shot her a dirty look. "Let me go on patrol so I don't have to think about there being four Xanders too hard." She walked off, going to grab Spike on the way. She needed to warn him. She walked him off, looking at him sideways. "You should've come to the meeting, Spike."

"Another huge problem?"

"Slightly. Xander apparently got kidnaped by a guy named Ba'al or something." Spike paused to stare at her. She nodded. "And now there's four of them."

"Excuse me?" he demanded. She nodded quickly, lips pressed together. "Four Xanders?" She nodded again. "Is he the newest apocalypse?"

"He warned us that the Air Force might be looking for him since he ran into them while getting away from the bad guy. Otherwise, no clue. Whistler tried to tell them they had to leave and they told him to suck them." She grimaced. "Which probably won't make the PTB happy but they're right, the PTB hate them." She shrugged. "I don't know what to do but you're the only one that hadn't heard of the group and it might be a really bad thing. I don't know yet. One might be evil. They're deciding on name things tonight to pizza."

Spike just nodded. "Are you sure you're not sick?"

"I wish but no." She pointed. "Pizza place with three of the four."

He looked and groaned, hugging himself. "That's going to be bad." They hiked off again. "Thanks for letting me know."

"I doubt they'd prank you but it's already giving me and Willow a headache. So I'm sharing like they taught us in kindergarten." She grinned at him. "But more help on patrol." He just nodded at that idea. "Really, it could be a good thing. We can give them all chocolate and shove them at the mean demons." Spike burst out laughing, wiping his eyes as he nodded. "So it could be worse."

"I'll warn around, Slayer. You go patrol." He walked off wondering if he had gone as batty as Dru was. If not, would four Nummies do that to him? Probably.

*** (sent to list to here via email)

The original Xander showed up at his work site the next morning, grinning at his boss. "It was important."

"Do you have an excuse?" he demanded impatiently.

"Nope. The Air Force wanted to take us into custody because I found out I'm not the only Xander." He waved and the other three came over. "The Air Force was why I found out about them. And who helped make them." He grinned madly. "We're still deciding which one of us has to go evil."

"You're already evil, Harris." He rubbed his forehead. "So...."

"We wanted to see if we could hire on too," Xander 3 said with a manic grin. "Before we have to go drive a cab or something and so we can avoid Anya wanting all of us at once."

"Yeah, your girl's a bit weird and loud about that stuff," he muttered, rubbing his forehead again. "Um... Can they hammer and stuff?"

"As far as we know. We can test ourselves if you want," original Xander said.

"Do that. Henry, come here please," he called, summoning his job foreman. He had been watching and looking worried anyway.

Xander 4 grinned and waved. "The Air Force did it. But we need a job so we can find a better girlfriend than Anya before she tries to get all of us at once again."

"Test them to make sure they can do the job," the boss said. "Regular Xander, go to your spot." Xander jogged off. The other three got led off to test their skills. They could handle the construction duties so they all had jobs. Everyone else on the site got a headache but they would figure it out later. Along with the paperwork they'd need to do.

Their boss decided to do some morning drinking. Four Xanders was enough to kill his mind. Especially since they were all so...happy. Way too happy.

***

Xander 2 looked up from getting milk for dinner cereal when a guy stopped next to him. "Hi, how're you?" he asked with a grin. He walked off, sending a mental bat signal to the others that the Air Force had found them.

"Sir, the general would like to talk to you," the MP said.

Xander looked at him. "Sucks but I'm all out of fucks to give for that stuff and I'm not in the military. So sorry you came all this way. Have a great night and watch your neck." He checked out and went home to feed themselves. Not like there weren't already people watching their apartment. Then they went on patrol that night together. It was a bad night for patrol but oh well. Now there were four of them. Three got injured and Four nearly got bitten to death but they handled it and got the vampy vamps down for a dirt nap forever. Then they bandaged things and moved on. The MP that was trying to follow them got attacked too. Buffy saved him and sent him flying for that general to hide behind. The four shrugged at her. "Air Force," Two said with a grin.

"Are they going to cause us problems?" Buffy demanded.

"No clue," Three said. "If so we'll run from them some more and go find evil things."

Buffy sighed, walking off shaking her head. "Great. Just what we need, more evil geeks."

"But we're good at it," Xander quipped. "We could date evil girls and all sorts of things."

"You're already doing that," Buffy quipped. "And she's loud too." They followed her onto the rest of the patrol for the night. If the Air Force guys were watching, pity. If more of them got eaten it wasn't their fault. They should've retreated when the first one got eaten. Buffy finally sighed and turned to look at the not at all stealthy soldiers. "Guys, clearly you're too dumb for self preservation. They're going to eat you.

"Every single one of the vampires in town will eat you and then smile as they walk off leaving your body there to rot. That's why we're on patrol. You guys aren't good at stealth stuff. You're not good at saving your own butts. You can't stake or behead. So run back to Mommy and you can stalk the evil quad in the morning!" She pointed and glared for their attention. Then Spike got there in game face so they ran off from him because he looked happy at the walking happy meals.

Xander One looked at them then at Spike. "You need a bath. You clearly stink."

"You need to make them go away before they get mad that they're dying here while trying to figure out your weirdness," Buffy complained. "Talk to them before they send more people."

"Tomorrow," Original Xander agreed.

"Fine." She huffed off. The five guys followed to handle things that she ignored thanks to wanting a workout to flip, flop, and stake at. The military people did give up for the night.

***

Original Xander showed up at work first, nodding at the female colonel he had met before. "Colonel." He signed in and the others trailed in over the next ten minutes, doing the same nod at her. Then they all went to work and ignored her completely.

The colonel pulled one of them out of work about a half hour later to talk to him. "What was that last night?" she asked quietly, staring at him.

Three shrugged. "It was a pretty normal patrol for us. Your people just make themselves juicy targets to become walking happy meals." She glared. He stared back. "What did you want us to do? Let them go? We're doing good keeping down the eaten people rate to under ten percent most months, Colonel. That's what we do around here." He went back to work.

She sent that back to the general, who showed up at lunchtime to talk to the four of them. Though, that caused a problem because some demons showed up to attack the general and colonel for being military and in town. They didn't want a repeat so they were going to stop it sooner this time.

Xander came out and cleared his throat. "Guys, that's O'Neill," he called with a wave. "He does insane shit like our team does with a techno ring thingy." The demons stopped and stared at him then at O'Neill, who nodded. "If they were restarting that program I would've already shot them for you. Not like we want them to come back. Even if Buffy won't let me kill Finn yet, the rest of them are in danger from us." The demons fled.

"Thanks for the help, guys," he called after them, waving a bit. "It's great when you help us protect you guys." He looked at the general, shrugging some. "I doubt most of the beings in this town will ever like military people and the only one that's not being attacked on sight is Finn, because Buffy's protecting her boyfriend, and a few kids who went military after surviving high school." He went back to work. "Have fun, General and Colonel."

"Harris," O'Neill said. "Get back here." Sam Carter went to get him and the others for him. "You could've stopped them sooner."

Xander stared at him. "You really should've taken the hint to look into that program before you showed up," Two said. "You didn't gather intelligence at all."

"I didn't think this was going to be a skirmish," Jack complained. All the Xanders shrugged. "Even after last night."

"Your guys kinda sucked at the stealthy thing," Three said dryly. "That's why Buffy made them flee before we had to stake them too." A demon screamed. "Hey, not them," he yelled back in a local language. "These guys weren't part of that and they're here about how we got cloned."

"We've let them know and we're letting them try to fix themselves." The demon moaned but ran the other way. Original Xander grinned at him. "They won't ever let any military personnel here. They drove off the reserve base too since it looked like a lot of them were involved or at least ignoring it."

Jack nodded once. "I can see why they would. I did look into that program, what isn't sealed. The president was mad it was being unhidden."

The four Xanders smiled at him. "Oh well," they agreed together. "The more who know, the less likely it'll happen again."

"True," Sam Carter agreed. "Still, we have to talk about your unique condition."

Four looked at her then snorted, shaking his head. "There's been magical cloning for centuries, Colonel. Just because the military is now finding out about it doesn't make it unique. And really, most of the town agrees that whoever cloned us was evil so they're making sure which of us becomes the evil twin." Original Xander cackled a bit, grinning at them. "I think it's his turn today."

"If they're that cranky about the town, we can sink it," Original Xander quipped. "The former Mayor's self destruct is still around. We can turn it back on." Jack glared at them. They all grinned sweetly back. "Better to give people a safe place to hide that's slightly contained instead of letting it flow all over, guys." They walked off. "We've got to get back to work. Gotta pay the bills and for Anya's prezzies somehow."

"Anya really does need to quit wanting presents," Two said. "She's getting greedy."

"She didn't even want just one of us," Four complained. "I think we ruined her for lesser mortals."

"Could be," Original Xander agreed. "That's going to suck if we're too tired from the next thing to get it up for a few days." They all nodded at that. "So we'll have to see if we can cure her addiction problem."

"Boys," Jack O'Neill said. "Get back here. We're not done yet."

"And we still need paid so we can pay our rent," Four quipped, turning to look at him. "We have a few hours after work and before patrol. You can come talk to us then, General." He turned back around and went back to the stuff he was doing today with Three. They were really handy with bricking things. Two was laying pipes. One was working on framing today.

The head of the site looked at them. "They really do need to get back to work before I have to fire them for slacking, General." He stared at him. "Thank you for visiting our site today."

"Fine, we'll wait until they're done," Colonel Carter said. "Don't let them leave when they clock out early."

"They don't get to clock out early. My boys work a full day or they don't work." He walked off to talk to them.

Carter looked at O'Neill. "I'm going to take a few guys and strip that base of any intel," she said quietly. "So we can make sure they're gone for good."

"Fine, Carter. Find out about those ones at the college?"

"I have and I have a headache, sir." She walked off, signaling a few of their people to go with her. She ran into a demon guarding the base. "I'm Colonel Samantha Carter."

The demon guard stared at her. "I would normally not care but we have heard of you. Why are you here?"

"We were informed of this base's problems. I'm downloading their full files so I can make sure they're not in my military." The guard smiled at that. "May we enter?"

"Fine. Why are the rest of you in town, Colonel?"

"They wanted to talk to Harris earlier," another demon said. "He stopped us from attacking them."

She looked at that one. "We understood why. I wouldn't let people like that in my town either." They smirked at her. "We stopped beings like that before. Looks like it's a bit closer to home this time."

They nodded and let her into the base, leading her to the main area they had found. She found their data servers and downloaded them then wiped everything clean. She'd sink the base but it'd bring down part of the college. Then she called her father. Who was a general in the Air Force. He wasn't happy she had heard about a closed, sanitized program. Then she told him why. He was livid and went to talk to the Joint Chief of the Army about his failures in uniform.

He found out where most of them were so they could be removed from public before they caused more harm. Samantha Carter was not going to let humans who did worse things than the gou'alds or ori or wraith exist in her military. She was muttering about introducing them to the wraith and a few of the demons moaned and stared at her. She smirked and nodded. "Yeah, we found the city." One started to cry. "You knew about it?"

"It is one of our holy relics to be worshiped for what it has done, both evil and good," another said. "His people hold it as holy."

"Our people there are good people and Sheppard will protect her as much as he can," she told them.

"We will tell others quietly so it does not get into general knowledge," the crying one said. "My grandmother saw it leave our worlds." He went to call her to talk to her.

Carter smiled at them. "I didn't know any beings were that old."

The demon guard still with them shrugged. "Some are very long lived. Some shorter. Some make their own fates by their bad habits." She nodded she understood that. They finished stripping the base and got her father to order that base sealed off and filled with concrete so it couldn't be reused. The demons got happier with that. They even showed them the other exit. The military guards were sneering about frat boys but that was them being guys.

Jack O'Neill got a call from a DC number that came up Private Number. He answered it. "Yes, sir?" he said, mentally swearing. "Yes, sir, I know of Jacob Carter and his daughter. His daughter is under my command. No I will not make her stop things, sir. I'll be damned if my military does genocide. Any other commands, sir? Sure, you remove me, General. You have fun with the SGC."

He hung up and called his direct general, who told him they'd calm down the idiot for him but to solve the current problem. When he told him what it was, that got a groan. And an agreement that things had to be handled. They could take one of the clones into the SGC if they had to ensure cooperation. It was a last ditch effort though.

***

Carter walked into the Magic Box that night, staring at Buffy, handing over something. "Yours and your family's file from them. The base will be filled with concrete in the next year so it cannot be reused." Buffy smiled at her. "We've charged the higher ups with treason for starting it, because we found who ordered it started and when.

"The ones who followed along also got charged, and all the military people who helped it are now out of their job placement and in jail where they belonged. Can you tell the locals that so they can know they're actually being punished? We didn't like that they got off for that horseshit they did."

"I can do that. Thank you, Colonel. If you're looking for all the Xanders, Anya dragged them out for her sex needs."

"We saw," she said dryly. "Is she normal?"

"She was a vengeance demon."

"Hmm." Carter grimaced. "That sounds nasty."

"Sometimes." She nodded. "She was the one that women who got hurt by their boyfriends or husbands went to though."

"I can see why that's a good thing. Even with abuse laws they're not always enforced." She sat down. "How do we handle your male helpers? We'd like to make sure they don't tell everyone."

"The demon underground has already done that." Buffy grinned. "We did a search for you guys through the local information brokers. They were pleased you guys aren't like the ones we had here. And that you seem to be protective sorts but weird."

"We had one with us earlier at the base who cried on us for saving their holy relic," Sam said. "We don't mind that but we do what we can to protect everyone."

Buffy grinned. "I know that feeling!" She smiled. "But you still can't have Xander. Even if he is normal, and trips more now as the new ones get used to what he's been doing behind me for years, I still need the occasional backup. Even if they are normal."

Sam Carter nodded slowly. "We're not against that at all, Buffy. We know you need to do what you have to do to protect the few humans still living in this town."

"We stop apocalypse battles too," Buffy quipped. "Every year."

"Every year?" Carter demanded.

"Every spring." Carter slumped her shoulders, staring at her. "I can introduce you to one of the information people because clearly you guys didn't go looking at all." She pulled out her cellphone to call the bar. "It's me, Spike. Can you send the little purple guy here to talk to this nice Colonel? I know the general's looking for Xander. Anya got them all. Yup, for that. Thanks. Send him here too. It's safer." She hung up. "Spike'll bring them over. Before someone decides to adopt your general guy. He's kinda hotty and we'd hate to see him turned or something like being taken as a concubine."

"Other beings have tried and he ruined them," Carter said dryly, smiling some. "We're not weak military sorts, Buffy."

"That's always a good thing with what you guys do. Did they bring demons with them?"

"As far as I can tell by looking at the information we've gathered no, but we're told there used to be a treaty before Ba'al got stupid."

Buffy nodded. "Higher ups do that now and then. The PTB do sometimes too. Then we swear at Whistler."

"PTB?"

"Powers That Be. They're over the slayers and watchers and I guess other heros who do crazy, necessary stuff like we do."

"Huh. Are they Ori maybe?"

"Giles?" Buffy called. He came out of the office. "She had a question about the PTB and just spoke in tongues at me."

"What question?" he asked patiently.

"Are they maybe Ascended or Ori?"

"No. They predate all that," he said, finding a source for her to read. He went back to the office shaking his head. Buffy was playing airhead fairly well again tonight it seemed.

Daniel faded in with a grin for her. "Remember those weird symbols in the universal language that I couldn't figure out? They're from that race but they ascended long before the Ancients found out that it's possible. They remember Furlings being cave dwellers."

"So they're ascended of a different kind?"

"And on a different plane. They can only interact through ones that've been plugged into their plane of existence."

Buffy stared at him. "You're giving me wiggy feelings but not demon ones. Are you a ghost?"

"No, Buffy. I'm not a ghost. I'm ascended at the moment." He grinned. "I'm not allowed to interfere with anything but I got asked to provide some lubricant for the meeting of the two groups. Before your friend ends up doing something that could destroy our group."

"Xander doesn't like big weapons like that."

"Yes but some things are secret," he said dryly.

Buffy burst out giggling. "If you're sure." He groaned but faded out again. She smiled at Carter. "Like Whistler, I don't take orders from higher beings. I take hints, I take warnings, but I don't take orders. The PTB want balance, not humanity to survive. I'm not into that." She got up and went to get some water. "Want a drink, Colonel?"

"No thank you, Buffy." She went back to reading, handing the book to Jack when he got brought in.

He read it, frowning. "Who're these?"

"The higher beings over the girls like Miss Summers."

"Oh, great." He closed the book and put it onto the table. "We're apparently blown completely open if you're not human."

Buffy came back with her glass of ice water. She put the book back onto the shelf by long habit of getting scowled at if she didn't then sat down again. "They'd never tell most humans, General. They use that stuff to protect themselves from humans." She looked at the information broker. "Their higher ups think that Xander's going to destroy things. They're kinda stupid about that."

The demon sighed but nodded. "I doubt he could without being there, Slayer." He sat down beside her, going over what they knew about that group and what had happened to Harris by rumors. Buffy said the name 'Ba'al' and the information broker realized what happened and told the military people that. Buffy just nodded and sipped her water.

"So you guys know a lot about us," Jack decided. "And Atlantis."

"She is holy to some species."

"If any of them had things like plans or information on the city we'd love to copy it," Sam Carter told him. "They could use some things. They haven't gotten to explore most of the city thanks to the problems up there and the lack of power."

"I can pass that back to some of the ancients who keep histories. See if they could. I cannot speak for them."

"We get that," Jack O'Neill agreed. "We've set up negotiations with many peoples in the past thanks to traveling." The demon smiled at him. "We are worried about information getting out."

"Xander would only tell others who needed to know or if you guys turned evil," Buffy pointed out. "Not like anyone listens to him. We don't even listen to him about geek things." She shrugged. "Anya hates his comic book habit, Willow hates geek things for the most part anymore, and I was never a geek. Sorry." She smiled but shrugged. "I have a watcher to be my book geek for a reason."

"I can see how that'd help you," Carter agreed. "We still don't want information on what happened to him, or our project, getting out, Buffy."

She shrugged, looking at the information source. "Do we know everything or nearly there?"

"We know everything that they've done," the demon said smugly. "We wanted to make sure that they were not following in horrible examples. Since they have first traveled, we have had someone there to report to a few High Councils." Buffy smiled and waved a hand at him.

O'Neill groaned but nodded. "I would've done the same thing. But you know we're not the problems."

"Yes, but your people can change hands," the demon said, grimacing at him. "And we think it may happen soon. There's others who are thinking you're too powerful so they want you out of the way. There is talk about some general at Area 51. We were hoping to sic Harris on him." He looked at Buffy. "At least one of them?"

Xander, the original one, groaned as he walked in holding his head. He stared at O'Neill. "Kick Landry out."

"Sudden onset headache?" Carter guessed.

"Vision," Xander quipped. "Which suck ass. I agree with Cordelia." He looked at Buffy then at O'Neill. "If I join your people, I'll thoroughly make sure it's no longer under government control just by walking onto your city." He grinned. "And yeah, I'd drive off Landry before he takes over where the idiots here left off only on non-humanoid beings. Something about blue things and bug things and eating bugs and ...." He shook his head quickly. "And the wraith can't eat demons so ask some warriors to help instead?"

The demon smiled at him. "That is an excellent idea. There are many warrior species who are bored right now. We can see if they would help. Would you lead them, Knight?"

Xander grinned at him. "If I step foot on the city, it'll be too happy. But the vision said I could do that."

"Please don't cause us problems," Carter sighed.

Xander grinned at her. "They knew about demons." She slumped, shaking her head. "They hated demons." He frowned and called someone. "Cordy, put Wes on please. Yeah, researchy sort of question." She did that. "Wes, Xander. I got a vision of a city full of spires and a flash of the Sub Mariner, so I'm pretty sure it was showing me Atlantis. Then I got tablets. Like ancient stone thingies you see in museums with the funny chicken scratch writing?" He put the phone on speaker.

"I'm surprised Rupert didn't know about those."

"We didn't ask," Buffy admitted. "He's staring at Xander in horrified awe since he had his first vision."

"Tell Cordy I'm sorry I offered her aleeve for the headache," Xander quipped. "I didn't realize how sucky they are. I also got the flash of me walking onto the city, it all lighting up, and then having a hissy fit on the humans there. Then bug people."

"Well...." Wesley said then sighed. You could almost hear him taking off his glasses to clean them. "If it's the one that we have in the records, which most of the Council ignores, the city does know about hellmouths and you do carry an inordinate amount of the energy, Xander. Those tablets are translations of them talking about their origins. They're in Scotland in the old vault. Rupert should know where that is."

Buffy looked at him and he nodded. "Yes, I do. We were told that a being like them broke the very old treaty," he said, coming closer. "Mostly by wanting a warrior body to inhabit."

"So he made me twins," Xander quipped. "Three others actually."

"There's four of you?" Wesley demanded. "Dear God, lad, can't you stay out of trouble!"

"I got kidnaped from work," Xander complained. "Woke up there. Destroyed his hopes and dreams too," Xander quipped. "And broke a lot of his shit having a fit. So those tablets?"

"Yes, well, that treaty is fairly simple but if it's broken we could be in for some hell. I'll fax Rupert what I know on that. Anything else?"

"Why did I make the city so happy?" Xander asked. "She seemed happy."

"She would be. You're a walking power source," he said dryly. "And proof that humanity won against the ancient Courts of demons." He sighed again. "Did you foresee a battle?"

"No. I saw it lighting up and getting happy lights flowing around me. Then the tablets."

"I'll fax up what we have. Any other good news beyond there's four of you?" They could faintly hear someone choking in the background. "It's fine, Angel. I'm sure Buffy can use the help."

"We're trying to decide which of us is the evil one," Xander quipped with a grin for the phone.

"Xander, I believe that's innate to you. You don't need to go more evil. Otherwise Cordelia wouldn't need a heimlich at the moment."

"Anya's trying to keep him from going totally evil," Buffy quipped.

"I wish her luck," Wesley shot back. "Let me get the books out. I'll send it in a bit, Rupert. Is that why we heard about military sorts being back up there? Angel wanted to know."

"They're cleaning up the mess and promised to seal that base," Buffy said, smiling at Carter. "The really smart colonel said they could."

"That's wonderful news," Wesley decided. "Let me look things up, people." He hung up but you could hear he was groaning.

Xander put his phone back in his pocket and grinned at the military sorts. "Anya said if I get to go fully evil I need to give her jewelry." He walked off. O'Neill went to stop him to talk to him but Xander had disappeared.

Xander Two leaned into the store. "Hey, if I ask nicely can I keep that ship?" he asked with a grin. He waved at the colonel. "I need the geek cred so I can out geek Andrew in a few weeks. They'll never believe how I came to be otherwise."

"Not a chance," Carter told him. "Sorry and you can't tell him."

"He went to school with us, Colonel, and he's known me since he was six. He knew there was only one of me. He thought maybe someone military was evil and wanted to know if he could take that group out now with his other evil overlords." He left again.

"One of them can build really great robots," Buffy said with a grin for her. "He built his girlfriend." She walked off. "I'm getting coffee before patrol tonight." The demon nodded, letting others know she was going out tonight by text message. Then he left to go back to the bar. The others were not going to believe that the Knight now had visions. It would make him more wanted than usual.

Rupert sighed as the fax machine kicked on, going to gather the notes Wesley had made for them. Carter took them to look over, groaning at what she saw. "Yes, we all feel that way about Xander sometimes," he said quietly, staring at her. "He can drive one nuts on occasion."

She smiled at him. "O'Neill does the same thing to our nerves. So does Daniel." He nodded he understood.

***

The four Xanders decided they needed to enact that part of the plan after reading the notes Wesley and Giles had made. And they had just the geek to help them with Jonathan, Andrew's buddy. He had the geek skills to pilot. The demon information broker had found out where Atlantis was. So they walked into Jonathan's garage while he was having a geek tv break with Andrew, walking him off with them. The ship had a remote control now. They had turned one on before they had come back to earth and found the military people. So they all disappeared.

Xander Three grinned at Jonathan, pointing at the screen. The interior shielding from being called or scanned was active again. Then he handed him the spatial address. "We need to be there then come back almost immediately."

Jonathan was staring at the pretty picture of earth. "What the heck?" he demanded, turning to stare at them.

"The bad guy that kidnaped us and made me clones was an alien," Xander One said with a grin for him. "Then we got a vision so we need to go do something good. Please? You can be Sulu. We barely know enough to set coordinates."

"I...Warren's a better Scotty."

Xander Four grinned. "I can play Scotty, Jonho. We just need Sulu. Then we'll get there, flirt a bit, then come back. And it's all classified. So you can only taunt Warren and 'Drew."

"They'd never believe this even if they came up with us," Jonathan complained. But he did look over the control panel. He finally managed to log in and got them sent toward their coordinates. They left, making Jonathan squeak when they went to light speed. "Where did this come from?" he demanded.

"Bad guy symbiotic aliens," Xander Three quipped. He took him to show him the ship. Jonathan knew what most of it was for, but the healing/killing sarcophagus freaked him out. He had seen a picture of one online somewhere. The cloning chambers got a weird look too. He wouldn't go near there in case it made him one too. They went back to wait on the trip to the alien city. Back on earth, a few demons were taking bets and doing memory spells on the military sorts. And Warren because he was throwing a fit about Jonathan being stolen by multiple Xanders. Especially when his robotic girlfriend was happy with the thought of four Xanders.

It was highly entertaining to watch for the locals.

***

Xander Two got onto the city first, going to clear a path for their original to the main room. They were presently being invaded by people who really needed a lot of bathing and clothing help but had automatic weapons. They could get around them. Two walked into the main room first and lights started to flow around him. He grinned up. "He's behind me, baby." The original Xander walked in and the whole city went spastic, lighting up, lights spinning around them, and the decking shivering.

Xander grinned up at the ceiling. "Hey, Atlantis. I got the vision you had sent that you needed me. What can I do to help you, dear?" The fighting suddenly stopped and everyone stared at him. The city's image appeared and bowed so he bowed back with a grin. "You sent for me?"

"You can heal us."

"I can sure try. How do I do that?" She took him to her power chamber and he tested stuff. "Hey, me, go home," he called. "She needs some extra hellmouth energy to get home and we'll be there in about a week after you."

"Okay," he agreed, running off before anyone could catch him. They made it onto the ship before anyone nearly grabbed him and the ship took off once they were on. They sped off back to earth. The invading ones got ran off the city by her projecting some noise at them. Then she lifted off and took off at top speed to follow her other idiot humans home. She was sucking off the energy he contained to refill her power chambers. She would be whole once she got back there.

The rest of the city was horrified, having a fit, or shouting at others to figure out what was going on and to get their three teams back before they were too far away. She allowed their people back, she liked her people. She told them to calm down. It'd be fine. She had a way of fixing things so she could fight the wraith better. They were going to fix her. That's why she had someone summon that one.

Though she wouldn't tell them anything else. She had thought those energy rips her people had caused had been healed before they left. Thankfully she found out it wasn't so thanks to a new human who had shown up months ago. He had proven to her that the need for the treaty was over with so she could go home and heal and be whole again.

In one of the rooms, a Marine was laughing himself sick on his room floor. He had recognized that one. The SGC was going to have fits of McKay proportion for *years* about Sunnydale. Finally they came looking for him since he wasn't with the others. He let the colonel in but kept the rest out. "Sir, Harris is just a problem fixing idiot," he said with a grin. "This happening doesn't really surprise me a ton since he had to help defeat a hundred yard demon at their graduation with Summers. I have the feeling this is related to something in Sunnydale."

"First, what?" Colonel Sheppard demanded. "What's this about demons, who was he, what is a Sunnydale, and what's happening? You seem to know something, private."

"Yes, sir. I graduated with that lucky fool. Had totally no skills at anything and managed to survive our demon underground and a lot of problems they solved for us. That's why we had one of the biggest graduating classes since Sunnydale started."

Colonel Sheppard glared at him. "I want more detail than that. Don't make me get McKay to come question you."

"He's going to hate this, sir. We're going where there's an energy rip and there's demons."

"Demons?" Sheppard snorted.

"Yeah. We have two up here." He sent a message to two people to show up in his room. They came in and saluted then locked the door again. "I recognized Harris from high school."

"As did I," one agreed. "The Knight is well known. As is his propensity for finding weird trouble. Why there were two and one read as a clone..... I'm almost scared to note."

The private grinned at him. "If anyone could get cloned it'd be Harris." The two demons nodded.

"Tell me what's going on," Colonel Sheppard demanded. "Without the stupid, the fantasy stuff, or anything else."

"Can't do that, sir," the two demons said.

"Sunnydale's just like that," the private agreed.

One of the demons took off his image generator, making Sheppard flinch. "Peace, Colonel. My people are from some of the top intelligence gathering sorts. Once we're closer to earth I can contact my people for a report. As of right now, we're clearly heading to Earth for some reason. She seemed happy to welcome him."

The other demon nodded. "She was happier than when the first ATA gene carrier stepped onto her again," that one agreed. He looked at him. "There's rumors about hellmouths."

"They were started by some ancients screwing up by the records in the Ancient Libraries," he agreed. "It's possible that Harris activated it in her so she's going to suck up some of it."

Sheppard stared at them. "Hellmouth?"

"Rip in the fabric of reality?"

"All we know is it's under my former high school's library. We all noticed something weird went on in there. Especially after the day of them cleaning up ichor looking goo and tentacles."

"The hellmouth has a kraken guardian," the second demon said with a smile. "Someone had to try to summon it."

The intelligence demon smiled. "By the reports, they sent Harris away that night and he saved them from someone blowing them up while they were busy." The other two just nodded at that. "Things like that happen around Harris," he told his boss.

"So what did he do to my city?" Sheppard demanded.

"He made her happy by those lights," the second demon quipped. "So she's happy with the chaos source that we all watch to take bets on. He does draw many weird things."

The private looked at them. "That girl he took to the prom. What was she?"

"The former vengeance demon for women scorned," the intelligence one said with a smile. "It's said he's made her fully human but a bit warped with the slayer's help." He checked his watch. "We should be within range within a day and a half. I'll contact my people as soon as we can, Colonel. For now, she's got him in stasis so she can suck off him. We can ask when she lets him out." He left, going to start that message. It sent earlier than he thought it should be able to so she was getting happy to get back to earth. He got back a report and went to hand it to Sheppard, shaking his head but smiling as he walked off. Yes, that figured of the Chaos Knight.

***

Xander had Jonathan land the ship out by the cliffs, where almost no one ever went. They tried to turn on the cloaking device but it didn't fully work. They got off and all ran off because they had seen military jeeps heading their way as they landed. Jonathan went into deeper hiding than all the Xanders, who decided to go hide in Mexico for a week or so. Their original source would find them. They did still think alike.

O'Neill got out to look at the ship then around. Then up when he felt something changing. "What the fuck?" he demanded. He got onto their comm system because there were very few reasons for those geeks to kidnap another geek and take off into space suddenly and without planning anything. "City Ship Atlantis, is that you?" he ordered.

"Not under our control, General," Sheppard reported back. "A young guy showed up, made her get happy lights and steal him, then she took off. We barely got all our people back from missions. Hold on, we're landing on the water apparently. I'm getting an order to hit the chair." He logged off, going to sit in the control chair to help her land the city.

She landed, the young guy got released from the crystal column he had been trapped in and passed out onto the arms of the Marines watching him, and the city hummed and shifted over to get the power easier. Sheppard saluted as O'Neill appeared. "We have not a single clue, sir. All I've gotten is some mild fantasy level BS from a few of my people."

"That BS might be right," O'Neill admitted. McKay stomped in with one of his many tablets. "Is she recharging?"

"Apparently so. I don't know how."

"I think I know who'll have an idea," he admitted. "Get the ones who know. I'm pretty sure at least one already knows the area. We only found out after Ba'al stole that young guy to make a clone of him for his newest body." He grimaced. "Carter is pulling out her hair." The two demons and the private walked in and saluted him. He stared at the demons. "We met some beings like you two." They nodded. "I want a real report. Now."

"And none of that sci-fi, fantasy crap!" McKay ordered.

O'Neill looked at him. "Demons are real. We found that out. They've been monitoring us for years now." He looked at them. The intelligence one grinned and waved. "How long?"

"I'm the higher source. My people have a better intelligence system than the US does, General. We have some minor people doing things like clean ups and one medic as well." He patted the other demon. "And our astrophysics person." He nodded. "Is Harris all right?"

"Not when I get hold of him," O'Neill said dryly. "And his clones."

"Clones?" McKay demanded.

"Ba'al," O'Neill said dryly. "He took out Ba'al and all his future clones, all the symbiots he found, and piloted the ship back to earth because he's a Trekkie." He looked at McKay. "Then he managed to avoid us, go on hunting patrol to take out things that were eating civilians with a tiny blonde girl, and work construction while we finished deleting a piece of shit program that had been taking out demons in their town."

He looked at the demons again. The astrophysicist gave him a hug. "Carter arranged it. Do that to her. I want to know what's going on! We had Harris having some sort of funny vision thing and then he kidnaped some other geek kid his age, then took off in the ship we confiscated."

Sheppard blinked a few times. "How did they run it, sir?"

"Geeks, Sheppard. Sci-fi geeks. Another geek with that other kid built himself a girlfriend. Carter is *still* horrified that she can't tell the difference." McKay was spluttering. He looked at them again. "So? I'm not that patient today. I got flirted with by a thing with tentacles last night."

"The kraken inside the hellmouth or Karen at the demon bar, sir?" the human private asked. "I met Karen right before I enlisted. She's fun to play poker with but I avoided tentacle jewelry time as she called it like I was a frigid nun."

O'Neill blinked at him. "Probably Karen. What's a kraken?"

"The guardian of the hellmouth, sir."

"It came out when the hellmouth was opened," the intelligence agent said with a grin. "The slayers fought it off."

"First, hellmouth?" O'Neill asked. "Is that the hole that messes up Carter's computers?" They all nodded. "Why?"

"It's an energy leak from the fabric of time and space," the astrophysicist said. "We have unconfirmed sources that claim some Ancient Being opened them while experimenting on the demons they hated."

"So the hole has a name," O'Neill said dryly. "Is it the only one?" The two demons shook their heads. "Do we have sources so Carter can finish her screaming fit?"

"Has she asked the watcher guy?" the human asked. "We all knew that the librarian was weird somehow and a few people looked up his credentials because we thought it was weird he went from a major museum in England to our librarian. He was employed by something called the International Council of Watchers. Paranoid idiot sites call them watchers, girls like Summers a slayer, and that they're to handle the weird, bad things in the world."

The intelligence agent nodded. "Fairy concise and correct. Though there's more than one slayer thanks to Harris warping a prophecy. He seems to be getting quite a reputation for that really. This incident is going to make higher ups scream."

"It's certainly doing it to us," O'Neill said, glaring at him. McKay was moving from spluttering to about to scream. O'Neill put a hand over his mouth. "Yes, demons are real. I nearly got killed by three in a week. This town is weirder than anywhere we've ever been, even in the Pegasus galaxy. It's driven Carter nuts. She has literally pulled out some of her hair, then cut the mass short so she couldn't do it again.

"And a demon showed up to sniff the cut parts and eat it for her so it wasn't wasted by what it said." He moved his hand. "We know *nothing* other than Jackson is still ascended for some reason but showed up to negotiate a treaty between our two groups because whatever Ba'al did had broken an older treaty that kept demons out of human things." He looked at the groaning intelligence agent. "You know more about that?"

"Yes, sir. We studied the tablets in school."

"Harris mentioned seeing tablets in his vision thingy. That and he got a picture of a comic book character that showed him the city it showed him was Atlantis." He rubbed his forehead. "So explain this to me in little words so we all understand, gentlemen." They sighed but settled in seats to go over what they knew about Sunnydale, Harris, and the demons so McKay would be freaked out.

Of course, Sheppard didn't believe any of it until a demon appeared on the deck with stuff to set up a shrine. The Marines panicked a bit but the demon was respectful and smiled nicely at them. He wasn't harming anything, just setting up an altar. O'Neill had to come out to talk to him about it but he couldn't deny it wasn't hurting anything but all visits had to be approved by him and Sheppard in advance.

***

McKay stomped up to where Colonel Carter was staring at the current building project. He blinked when he saw three more of the guy that had been on his city. He looked at her. "What the hell?" he demanded.

"More freaky than we've ever dealt with." She handed over the notes she had made. "I asked Rupert Giles about the hellmouth. He handed me a thick, old book to go through. We wondered about a few of the spots mentioned in it." She looked at him. "Daniel's presently hiding so he's not able to be found by anyone because Ba'al got a pointy idea in his brain. He started all this."

"So they're clones?"

"Yup." She nodded once, turning to look at him. "Ba'al wanted some unknown bodies to inhabit. Harris is a warrior even if he's not as great as Teal'c or Ronan."

"Great."

"Has she started to suck up energy?"

"Yes. She's recharging a lot of things from here."

"It's helped calm down the energy spikes that were driving my machines nuts." She looked at the site again. One of the Xanders was missing. Then he came out of the school to get a drink and went back inside. "I'm told the energy thing is in there."

"The two beings explained something about it." He read over the notes, shaking his head. "I thought this was all fantasy crap."

"It is to the rest of the world." He nodded at that. "But we did get to stop some assholes in uniforms who were making us all look horrible." She walked off. McKay followed, still reading. They ran into Sheppard and O'Neill at the coffee shop. "Sir, the people on the city?"

"Are getting leave a handful at a time," Sheppard said with a weak grin for her. "Are you creeped out?"

"Yup," she agreed, nodding some. "I thought the clones were weird."

"Clones?" Sheppard asked.

"Ba'al."

"Oh, I heard about him." He sipped his coffee and moaned. "Oh, that's nice." McKay went to get his own. He was a coffee snob and got happy here too. "So now what?" She had to talk to Summers again so she let them talk about command and Atlantis things.

"We wake Harris up, we scream and rant at him, we promise he's getting a uniform, and then we warn the other three," O'Neill complained. "But the idiots who were here before us that we finished shutting down have him blacklisted."

Sheppard shook his head, looking around the little coffee shop. He could spot a few unusual looking people but ignored it for now. They probably weren't a threat right at this moment. "General, what about the city?" he asked quietly.

"Whatever she's doing is recharging some areas we couldn't get to because the power sources weren't able to," Rodney said, checking his tablet. "Within a few days we'll be able to get into those areas to see if there's necessary systems." He looked up at the feeling of staring, staring back at what had to be a demon. They weren't the usual green alien they were used to because they were lime green and wore a loudly colored mumu. "Good morning," he said dryly.

The being leaned closer. "You are the Great Loud One from the city," she said quietly. O'Neill cleared his throat. "Oh! I see." She stared at Rodney again. "Why are your kind here, Great Loud One?"

"The city said so," Sheppard said dryly. "Took off without warning us to show up here thanks to a young guy from here showing up."

She smiled at him. "We wondered about the Chaos Knight. He is very good for those of us who're peaceful."

"We'd never bother anyone peaceful," O'Neill said. "But don't try to memory charm us again please."

She grinned at him, patting him on the head. "That was not our council's call, General. They were worried about what would happen with you here. It does break treaties."

"Yeah, but Daniel is ascended and said that Ba'al did that already."

She burst out giggling. "Many evil ones want a Knight of their own. I'm shocked his girlfriend did not fight for her claim." She got a cookie before walking off to talk to her people. The Great Loud One clearly had a headache by the way he was quiet and his eyes were red and dilated. His overseer wasn't much better by how tired he looked. The general, he looked less than amused so perhaps they'd be trying to fight Anya for her claim on the Knight.

Sheppard looked at McKay, who was shaking his head as he sipped his coffee. The general was doing the same. "It's good to know that we're not the most unusual thing out there."

O'Neill nearly choked because he started to laugh. "No, clearly not the most unusual."

Buffy strolled in with Carter following to nag her about something. "Colonel, it doesn't matter. Really. I need to be fashionable and cute. People expect it of me." She stared at her. "Really, it's good. I can fight in heels and a skirt. I do it a lot."

"And many appreciate it," a demon quipped. Buffy scowled but the demon just grinned at her. "Many have wanted to come chat you up during a patrol but decided it was dangerous."

"I'm all for a *good* boyfriend. Have them come talk to me at the shop. Please. I'm bored."

"Does that mean the Knight can finally get that one feeding one?" the cashier asked. "We know you cannot handle him for cheating on you by going to feed a clan but the Knight could for you."

Buffy frowned. "He did *what*?" she demanded. The demons in there nodded. "Oh heck no! I get to kick his ass myself." She frowned, getting her usual coffee drink and paying before walking off pouting. "I'll let Xander hold him for me maybe. Or maybe Spike. He deserves a few hits too."

Carter looked at her general. "She goes on patrol in skirts, sir. Like clubbing short skirts. And fashionable clothes!"

"Yeah, we heard she's like that," Sheppard said dryly. "They have pictures of her online according to our intelligence agent." The demon behind the counter nodded, going into the back to spread that news.

"This is so weird," she complained, sitting down at the table. "It's like some crackhead fairytale." She ran a hand over her hair to resist the urge to yank at it some more. "Not even Daniel could find things this weird and not have a headache from it." O'Neill patted her on the back while she muttered about go-go boots and hankie shirts. Clearly this was going to ruin her brain. She needed to get back to her normal level of insanity soon. Before she had to be sent to that same institution Daniel had ended up in after he descended last time.

Though that brought up bad thoughts about Daniel. Had he seen all this and had to keep this secret from them? Was there some sort of ascended group that kept track of demons? "Are there information on what the Ancients found out about the enemies they had at that time?" she finally asked, looking at O'Neill. "Since apparently they knew about demons and all their doings. And why did they create hellmouths by accident?"

"That would be something to ask the intelligence guy that's on the city," John Sheppard said dryly. "Apparently they have huge libraries. See if we can get information from them? Or go ask Atlantis? Though she got a bit...hissy about demon things. Not the ones on the city but other demon things, yeah. I had one of them ask her about any information she was hiding about them. She literally hissed at him."

McKay grimaced. "I saw that. I have no idea why. She wouldn't tell us anything. She talked to that one being for a few hours but he didn't look that amused. Can we ask another source?"

"There's a few in town," O'Neill admitted. "They're highly amused by us too." He looked back at one of the others in the coffee shop. "Is there another library? One that's easily gotten to?"

They all shook their heads. "Only if you talk to the ones who can send you to other realms." He finished his tea. "Is the Chaos Knight all right? We heard he's unconscious. We know you stopped his others from fleeing for a vacation."

"We're keeping him that way before we have fits for him doing that," McKay complained. "The first we knew, he interrupted a battle and made the city spin lights around like it was a disco. Then he disappeared into a stone column before we could get answers."

"Well, he is beloved of chaos gods," another being said dryly. "I think he's their favorite comic book character."

O'Neill shook his head. "I think he's that way already. I can see why higher beings are so amused by him." He finished his coffee. "Let's go back to the shop to ask more questions. Did we find that other geek?"

Sam Carter shook her head. "My brain whited out after I met with Warren Meers and he was complaining about his robotic girlfriend, sir."

McKay spluttered his coffee. "Hey, quit wasting the good stuff," John Sheppard complained.

"He has a robotic girlfriend?" McKay demanded in a hiss, sounding like an angry cat.

"That he built," Sam Carter said with a smug look. "By himself." McKay glared at her. "Seriously. As in I can't tell when I'm near her unless she's talking about topping up things or her programming." They shared a look. "He's got mental flexibility but it might be too bent. He wants to be a super villain."

McKay squeezed his eyes shut. "I can see why your brain whited out. We'll go to talk to him later together so the messiness is halved for each of us." He got more coffee to go and followed the others to the Magic Box. He sneered as he looked around. "Fake crap," he muttered. Then he found himself floating up near the ceiling and squealing to get down. Thankfully Sheppard had caught his coffee before it spilled. "What is doing this?" he demanded. "Some sort of Ancient beam or weapon?"

"Magic," Willow said with a grin and a wave. "Magic is great sometimes. It's a nice tool to have in your box." She went back to reading, letting him down. "Those ancient things were weird and wrong on so many levels of physics and natural energies. That's why most of us think it's all science fiction even though we've seen the supposedly holy mystical city that got landed here to recharge herself." She grinned at them again. "As the Goddess wills, she'll be fine. We've already noticed her native shrines and the one to a few ancient earth goddesses."

"What native shrines?" Sheppard demanded.

"You haven't.... I'll show you tomorrow after my literature test." She went back to reading. "If you're looking for the mess of Xanders, the three with us are at work. Buffy's probably at the nail place to soak the goo from last night's patrol out of her nails. Or she's with her mom at the gallery. Giles is laying down in the back. Anya's fondling artifacts and telling them how they'll make money by selling to encourage them to be bought." She grinned at them. "My girlfriend's in class and I'm about to head for one in about twenty. So which of us did you need today?"

"Can we give you an excused absence, Rosenburg?" the general asked as he walked in.

"Not unless it's an apocalypse or something huge like that. The teacher's a quarter demon and told me he knows about the team and he'd only allow them for those sort of things since almost all apocalypses happen in the spring." She shrugged but grinned. "Huge thing I should call Buffy from her manicure to handle?"

He pointed out back. "Group of monks?"

She looked then huffed and closed her book so she could walk out there. "Guys, Buffy's in a hugely bad mood because last night's patrol left her covered in goo. We're all not happy with Xander either. So this is probably the wrong time."

"We seek..." one started.

The original Xander showed up in a beam of light, then grinned and waved up. "Thanks, dear!" He looked at the demons, clearing his throat since it was sore. "I'd. Run." They took off running. "Thanks!" He waved at their backs with a smile. He looked at Willow. "They only think you're scary when you're doing magic. Class? I can handle the store for a bit."

"Did you escape?" the general demanded.

"Nope. The city sent me back." He grinned his cheeziest grin. "But she's a happy girl since all the treaties she was forced to limp along under are now gone. She can be all that she wants to be. Just like a new graduate from high school about to go to college. Or something like that." He looked at Willow. "Shoo."

"They won't hurt me."

"I know that. Still. Shoo." She huffed but grabbed her backpack from the store and put her book into it as she walked off. "You've got fifteen minutes to make it to class, Willow," he reminded her. "You flunking something would mean your parents show up." She ran off. She might even have time for some smoochies before classes if she ran into her girlfriend. Xander looked at them. He shrugged.

"Not my doing, guys. The city decided she hated Landry too and shut down half your base on him." Jack O'Neill groaned but called in to see what was going on. Xander looked over as Daniel appeared. He frowned and yanked on him, making him a solid person again. "There, that's now annoying your people so they give me enough time to have sex tonight." He went into the store. "Anya, quit fondling the shiny stuff and please restock the herbs?" he called. "They hate it when I sneeze on them."

She came out of the basement. "Are you back? Can I have orgasms tonight? The other yous don't have enough stamina yet."

He smirked a tiny bit. "They're young, they'll grow it, and it'll have to wait until tomorrow. The city did something funky to my energy so I've got a headache." He grimaced. "I have *the* headache actually. Can you stock? I'll sit here and look menacing so the Monks of Gerrard don't come back." She groaned but went to do that. He got up to pull down three books and handed them to Daniel with a grin. "What you need to know that they outright lied to you about and withheld from you. And Giles will want those back." He went back inside.

Daniel looked at the books, frowning. "It's on being ascended. One on the ...city, and one on the treaties of the former demon kings." He went inside so he'd have a nice place to sit and read. Away from the herbs that stunk and made him sneeze though.

Jack looked at his geeks and colonel. "When did I lose control of this?"

"When the city got reminded she was considered a goddess?" Joyce Summers said as she walked past them. "Did Willow make it to class?"

"She ran off for it," Sam Carter told her. "Who're her parents that she's so scared of them?"

Joyce scowled. "Her parents are book writing psychologists." Sam Carter looked them up online. Then she growled. "Exactly. The last time we saw them the whole town was trying to burn my daughter, their daughter, and another witch at the stake. Admittedly my fault because I was possessed but they were all for it afterwards as well." She looked in there. "Only the one?"

"The other three are at their job," Carter told her. "How do you deal with this?"

Joyce smiled. "I had no idea until my daughter burned down a gym full of vampires and I suddenly had her in mental help and was getting a divorce and someone explained things to me." She grimaced a tiny bit but let it clear up almost immediately. "My daughter could be around a lot worse people." She walked off. "I need to nag my daughter about going to class."

"Willow thought she'd be at the nail place," O'Neill said. "Or possibly with you."

"Joyce, she's going after Riley because she found out earlier he's cheating on her," Xander yelled. "By going to be a feeder for a whole troupe."

"Oh, dear," she said, going into the store to find the tranquilizers and the rifle to shoot them. "Let me make sure she doesn't make Faith's mistake, Xander. Any idea?"

"Holly Rest," Anya called. "They gather there with some feeders." She leaned around a shelf. "He missed having adrenaline from hunting. He still thinks Buffy's not good enough and needs more backup than any of us because he's woosy but he wants the adrenaline of a hunt."

"I can get him hunted," Xander said dryly. "It wouldn't even need me calling in a favor or a poker debt."

"Bad Xander," Anya said, glaring at him. "That's vengeance and it's my job."

"Ahn, Buffy never would've called you. She can get dirty real easily."

"Point, which sucks. I could work up some *great* ideas about what to do with Riley for that and the other sins he has." Joyce hugged her then walked out to find her daughter, dart her, and bring her home for a girl talk after dinner. Anya looked at him. "How did you know?"

"The city said so. Showed me where she was stalking." They shared a look then he suddenly grinned. "She likes your ideas of vengeance sometimes." Anya smiled shyly and went back to her stocking. O'Neill and his geeks and colonel all came back inside. "The city is holding a light tether on me so she can find me if someone complains about the treaties she's now free of."

Daniel switched to that book to figure out how many there were, what they had done, and why. At least this book was translated from latin into olde english. "The introduction lists three sets, Xander. Which one?"

"Middle. The first were faulty and on her people. The second was all about her. The third was about trying to deal with uppity proto humans. It's one reason they went to Pegasus, because of that treaty set." He looked at the counter and got to work on what needed to be done up there. Anya did not dust, ever, and things didn't sell if they were dusty.

"The Ancient demon courts were stupidly paranoid and arrogant," Daniel said a few minutes later.

"When you're big enough to eat a whole village in one slurp then belch out the remains, you get to be arrogant," Anya said patiently. "I was when I was a vengeance demon. With power comes arrogance." She looked at her boyfriend. "Now I'm mortal again, things have changed somewhat." Xander grinned at her. "He'd throw me out if I went back to what I had been." She looked at Daniel again. "When you hold all the powers of a demon court, you too can be an arrogant prick."

He nodded. "I can see that," he agreed. "The Ascended are the same way."

She grimaced. "Thumb sitting and then sucking little greedy holes of stupid," she complained quietly. "They always say they don't interfere then do a whole lot of it." She opened a new container to put out some moss. "This isn't the right moss! Again! I warned them I was going to retaliate the last time they tried that switch." She bundled it up and went to call a drinking buddy to talk to them about the refund and replacement for her. She was so limited as a human. But at least that one would share the fun with her in memories.

Daniel looked at the others, smiling slightly. "She's the one that hurt women used to call on." Carter just nodded slowly.

"She made one guy an eternal horse's bit," Xander quipped. "It's still in use ceremonially by the English equestrian team every year."

"She said he kept biting her so it was only right he got bitten back," Anya called. "And that wasn't nearly the worst, Xander."

"I don't want to scare them, Anya, just make them appreciate you." She came out sniffling and gave him a hug then went back to her summoning. Customer support demons were always hard to get hold of. Xander grinned at the others, who all winced.

"She did an important job," Sam Carter said. She sat across from Daniel. "How bad were the treaties?"

"Bad," he admitted, still reading. "Handicapped the Ancients in regards to how they dealt with proto humans." He glanced up then went back to reading. "She's now a free pseudo goddess of technology." Carter just nodded again. "Though they did limit how and what they studied after a few Ancients accidentally created hellmouths. That's in the second clause. Which explains a lot about the labs they found on the city. Oh, and the demon courts taught them about ascension. They were breaking the treaty by trying for it."

"Forbidden knowledge," Xander quipped with a grin for them. He went back to dusting. Giles came out of the office to stare at him. "I'm being a good boy," he quipped. "The city sent me back." He grinned. "Joyce went to stop her daughter from killing Riley for going feeder." Giles moaned, shaking his head.

"She took the werewolf kit," Anya told him with a smile. "Then she said they'd be having a girl talk tonight when Buffy woke up."

"With her faster healing that might be an early dinner," Xander said. "She can probably throw off a sedative within an hour or so." He went back to dusting. "I'll go back to work tomorrow if I can. If not, maybe I'll go back to stripping." Anya looked interested at that idea. "They aren't allowed to touch me, and the club won't let girlfriends in while we're at work."

"Pity. I could appreciate that as the start to a good night's sleep." She went back to stocking while on hold with the customer support demon.

Giles went to make tea and then took it back to his office so he could avoid all strange things. It was sad that all this situation was weirder than Sunnydale was usually.

"Oh, Giles, I scared off the Monks of Gerrard," Xander called after him. "Again."

"Thank you, Xander. I'll hunt them down later to see what they wanted."

"To stare at Willow. Again."

"Blast," he muttered. "Is she...."

"Class, before she flunks and her parents show up," Xander quipped with a grin.

"That's a great idea," Giles agreed, going to his office to sit back down and perhaps have another rest. His head did so hurt right now.

Xander and Anya shared a grin because that meant Xander would be going to scare the monks off for good later instead of Giles. And she could help with some vengeance spells. Going back to her old ways did give her happy moments.

***

Xander decided to be a bit mean and they all needed a field trip. So he took stuff for Angel to LA for Giles. Who just groaned when he realized all four were in the car together. When they got there, original Xander walked in first. "Hey, Princess." Cordelia stared at him. "Giles sent your broody man boob stuff." He held up the manilla envelope. The other three came in arguing about what sort of burger joint to hit for dinner. Xander looked back, shaking his head. "Pretentious. In and Out is really nice, guys." They just shrugged that it was nice enough. He grinned at Wesley when he came out. "Stuff for Angel from our watchery sort?"

"Thank you, Xander." He took the envelope and blinked a few times. "Oh, dear. I thought they were temporary or illusionary or something." He wandered off mumbling.

Cordelia looked at the other three. "Why did someone make you clones?" she asked.

"They wanted a hidden warrior body," Xander said with a smirk. "So either he was watching patrol to stalk Buffy and saw us or the PTB told him. They told another demon so she could sacrifice me. Instead we got tipped really nicely when I stripped that night." She blinked a few times. He grinned. "I had to fill in. They were a guy short."

"I...." She trailed off, then nodded once. "I'm having a nightmare."

Xander leaned over to nip her ear, making her yelp and back away from him. "Are you sure?" He beamed at her then at Gunn, who came out to see what was going on. "We had to bring stuff from Giles to your broody man boob."

"For Wes?" Gunn guessed.

"No, the broody one, not the uptight one," Xander Two quipped with an evil smirk. "Wes has already wandered off swearing at idiot aliens who made us clones."

"Nature made me the way I am but science made me friends," Xander One quipped with a grin of his own.

Cordelia moaned, slumping in her seat. "Damn it, now I'm going to be warped."

"Not really. It's not like we're going to rush you into a closet," Xander Four said. Then he beamed at her. "Unless you ask and that would mean Anya got her powers back so we're probably not going to do that."

She nodded. "Never wanted to again," she admitted. "And the thought of the four of you and me is a really weird one that I'd hate to have to see ever again. So thanks for coming." She smiled.

"We were going see if Angel had heard anything about our new city or anything," Four said.

"He's..." She looked at Gunn, who went to wake him up. "Go sit and wait, guys." They went to the living room to do that. They even arranged themselves so Angel could catch sight of two of them at once. Cordelia went up to her room to moan into her pillow and scream at the universe for making four Xander Harris' to torment her.

Angel came up. "What's up, Harris?" He paused. There was one Xander. To his right was another Xander. He walked carefully into the room, finding another two Xanders. He had a room full of Xanders and that wasn't right. "What did you do?"

"Bad aliens," Xander Two quipped. "He wanted a special body for his symbiot so made me twins." He grinned.

"Then we broke all his stuff and stole his ship," Xander One said.

"And came home," Four added. "To find the Air Force knew about aliens."

"And that the tacky alien had broken multiple treaties," Three finished. "Have you heard anything about our invasion of confused science people, our mystically recharging city, or anything like that? We want to control some rumors getting out."

Angel blinked a few times. "This is thanks to Willow, right?" he asked, smiling some. "A neat prank."

"No, she had to get us off the ship. The guy's name was Ba'al. Claimed he was an Egyptian god. He was *so* tacky. I nearly turned into Cordelia snarking at the tacky clothes and jewelry, and hair. I mean, seriously, what sort of God can't dress themselves?"

"Or bathe. He stunk a tiny bit," Three agreed with a nod. "Especially after we destroyed all his little snakey friends that wanted to take over our bodies."

Wesley came back. "Snakes, are you sure?"

"Yup, and he had a ring thingy with all sorts of hieroglyphs. Giles told someone back at home when he freaked out about that."

"Oh, dear *lord*," Wes complained loudly. "How stupid were they?"

"Well, Ba'al was clearly really dumb," the original Xander said while shrugging. "I mean he kidnaped us and made me clones." He grinned at his other selves then at him. "But it does mean I get things done while Anya's hogging another of us."

"I'm sure that amuses her greatly," Wesley said. "What city?"

"A really pretty one we called about."

"We ended up going to rescue her. She didn't have enough power so she sucked off my hellmouth taint," Original Xander said.

"The really confused colonel read the accounts of how they accidentally started hellmouths experimenting with stuff they had no idea about and against some treaties they signed. Thanks to Ba'al, they're ended," Three said.

"That's charming news," Wesley decided. "We can check the rumors going on. If the ones in your town know others probably do too."

"We had to open their eyes a bit," Original Xander said. "They had no idea about anything about demons. Thought some were aliens. Though the confused colonel did finish cleaning up the Initiative's mess. She went down to download their files and called for the base to be filled with concrete."

"That's a grand idea. Any other good news?"

Original Xander smirked at him. "Riley was being a feeder," he told Angel. "Joyce had to tranq dart Buffy before she broke him into itty bitty pieces for it." Angel shuddered but nodded once. "She's presently grounded to the house before she finds him and rips him a new one. She tried to patrol but ran into him and had to stomp off. Oh, and the Monks of Gerrard are back staring at Willow again," he told Wes. "We've run them off twice now."

"They'd probably suck all the magic out of her," he said, considering it. "Which may be a bad thing."

"The city recharging has really calmed down the hellmouth," Four said, bouncing a bit with a bright, happy grin. "We've had two magic using packs of problems we were watching leave because there wasn't enough power there. We think they're going to the one in Cleveland."

"I'll warn someone over that way," Wesley decided, going to make that call. Though he came back a second later. "What is the Air Force doing with alien technology?"

"Well, the guy in charge has saved all our butts from the guys like Ba'al coming back again," Original Xander said. "And the other ones they found by turning on a machine and going to find the mythical city that loved us for a few days. They have energy feeding people eaters out there according to her download while I was out."

Wesley slumped, nodding. "I've read the diary of someone who said something about them but was considered quite mad."

"The general and his people all go traveling through the ring, Wes."

Wesley winced. "That may be bad. I'll talk to a few contacts, boys." He went back to his office. Angel could survive four Xanders. He was a master vampire who had fathered both Druscilla and Spike. Four Xanders weren't much worse than Druscilla and Spike together.

Angel ran a hand over his hair. "I'll call Buffy later, Xanders. Go get lunch and I'll let her know about any rumors I hear." They nodded, going to get a burger. Angel went back to his apartment to hide in a closet for a bit. No one would hear him moaning in there about the four horsemen of the Xander apocalypse.

***