Untitled Nano 2017 fic by voracity

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totally unproofread.

Giles stepped out of the house a few hours later with Buffy behind him. He cleared his throat, getting instant attention from the leeches of reporters staring at the house. "Our hunter did not ask for those two demons' help but he, and we all are, most thankful for them helping the slayers and our hunter's daughters get free." He stared at one starting to open her mouth. Then he looked at the others. "The only one he asked to repay a poker debt was the one who showed up to show all those ones' sins to everyone. While it was...mean, he has seen many such beings who have done similar things when he was in Africa training the girls down there so they could serve their own peoples."

"He's not usually mean but he's real firm that he's overprotective and people like that will not happen to us again," Buffy said.

"He has daughters?" one demanded. "Why? With who? Does her mother know and is she a slayer?"

"Xander accidentally went through a portal to another realm. Some witches there summoned some sperm to make his girls without his help by what he told us," Buffy said, grimacing some. "They wanted a sacrifice. That's when Xander found out and he kinda went off. He called them soup." The reporters mostly shuddered. "So he's got teenage girls. He's training some of our minis right now. He's in the middle of setting up but then things happened." She went back inside. They weren't going to attack her watcher or the house.

Giles took off his glasses to rub his eye, shaking his head. "He just told her recently that he has daughters. She's still a bit off-put by that knowledge." He put back on his glasses. "Why that action was not authorized, or recommended, he handled it without our help in a very practical manner. I fear I would have called for more help but he had training I have not handling emergencies down there."

"Is he going to be fired?" another reporter called from the back of the group.

"For protecting his daughters and a number of very young slayers?" Giles demanded, frowning at them. "Are you daft?" he demanded. "If he hadn't gotten to them they would've suffered great, horrifying tortures. The few that he had to evacuate back to us had to be sent to an ER and nine of out the twelve are in the ICU already. Two are still in surgery. The other...is on life support. All of them under the age of ten. Any *human* who supports such things does not deserve the name and I hope they suffer though what those children went through. At least most demons wouldn't do the same thing." He walked off. He made sure he didn't slam the door.

Faith walked out, staring at them. "You've pissed Giles off for the rest of your lives. I doubt he'll ever talk to any of you ever again. Next time, send better reporters because we don't want to deal with imbeciles who want us tortured. Frankly, those sort need to start protecting themselves because I'm sure as fuck not dying to save one of them." She pointed. "Shoo. Go. Not a damn one of us is coming out until they have to go to school and you know if you take pictures of the minis we'll not only sue you for endangering them, we'll sell the demons your home addresses for endangering them." They stomped off. She went back inside. "They're fleeing before I find out who they are and send vamps down on them."

"Thank you," Buffy called from the kitchen. "Saves me from looking mean today. Or just summoning something to eat them."

Faith grinned. "I'm fine being the mean one, B. I'm good at that." She went back to the tv room to help the girls with their homework. She ruffled one pouty girl's hair. "Xander always said if something like that happened, he'd be there within minutes of hearing and he'd solve a bitch in the most messy way possible so no one does it again." She hugged her and Faith let her. It was good to get cuddles when you were scared and little. Giles walked past the door. "Hey, G, can we send the girls to a fallback for a few weeks?"

"Yes, I'm already arranging it, Faith. I don't want them exposed to such toxic people or attitudes."

"I'm going too," Buffy called. "The city can save itself."

Giles looked at her. "We need to keep a patrol," he told her quietly. "Though I do understand and I don't want to save them myself." She slumped, grimacing. "I'll take volunteers for that." She nodded, going to talk to the older girls. Giles went back to his arranging for things to get done. The coven could complain but the girls were in serious danger now. Or maybe he'd ask Xander to ask a poker debt to move the girls.

***

Xander came out of the tower, herding all the girls. A few reporters were hovering out there, they usually were. "You come near my daughters or the minis and I'll shoot your asses," he warned. "Get away from my daughters!" They flinched back and he took a camera, throwing it into the street. "I do not think you need a picture of my teenage, underage, little girl." He glared at him. "If you're that sort of pervert, go find a better line of work. If not, I'm not a celebrity and you come near my girls, or the mini slayers, and I'm going to make sure you're banned from every news source. Even the shitty ones like Infowars." The man shrank away from him. "Girls, cab," he reminded them.

"Three cabs on the way, one more coming," Mercada called. They had the minis blocked from anyone's view. "We'll let you girls go hang out with the minis we had to rescue from Africa," she said, smiling at one who was sucking her thumb. "They'll like having new friends to play games with." The cabs started to show up and one of the drivers complained until Xander glared.

"Car seats," he complained. "It's the law."

"Magical restraints," Xander countered. "Even more secure. Really. Just to the train station." The driver gave in and let them load the minis with two daughters in each cab. Xander got into the last one with the last few minis. The commuter train was a bit full but they could handle that. His girls knew how to protect themselves and the minis from the idiots who tried to pinch them or grope them. Raisa punched one so hard he hit a wall and got knocked out. "Raisa," he warned.

"Next time he shouldn't grope my wife." Raisa looked at the guy's friends. "Taken, dudes. Learn the lesson." They backed away from them. Xander gave her a pointed look. "I'll calm down once we get home, Dad."

"Fine. Thank you. Your cat?" She pointed at the backpack one of the minis was wearing. "Okay. As long as she's safe." Raisa checked and nodded. The train pulled into the station and they got off, heading to the cabs. Xander didn't have a car yet and they wouldn't all fit in even a van. They got home and found all the house was a mess but they could straighten that out. The minis that had managed to hide came out when he called for them and they got happy with the other minis. Xander went to answer the knocked on door, staring at the obvious agent, who wasn't the ones who had been up here before. "Do I need to find lube and a rocket launcher?" he asked dryly. "Because I can do that."

"I came to ask how your daughters were," he said stiffly. "Not to threaten, sir."

"Considering where I had to rescue them from?"

"Which is why they sent me, sir. I'm not usually the threatening sort." He caught the cat that was trying to escape, handing it to him.

Xander looked at it. "You're not Raisa's cat. Who're you?" It meowed and struggled. "Girls, come get the cat that snuck in." They came to get the tortoiseshell cat. She wasn't too big and was pretty quiet. "We can name her after my friend Oz. He was pretty quiet and hardly talked. I can tell you about him later." The girls squealed, bringing their cat back to the play area. It hopped up onto a higher space and stared at them but they were okay with that. They weren't used to cuddly animals yet. Xander looked at the agent. "Since two of them usually live with their families, are they dead?"

"I'm not aware and I can ask, sir. Are they fine?"

"I've handled the injuries and I evacuated twelve victims to the main Council building. I'm pretty sure at least two are going up on our honors obelisk in the garden." The agent nodded, looking disturbed. "The others, I'm not sure. I'm mad but I'm not sure."

"Understood. Can we come up tomorrow to talk to you about the various plots so we can stop them without you asking a poker debt? One of them got shot by his wife when the demon you summoned showed he had given them his stepson for having a genetic mutation."

Xander snorted. "Every human has genetic mutations or we'd be clones. From birth defects to rare genes that make natural blondes and redheads, they're all mutations. But yeah, we'll probably be home tomorrow."

"Thank you. Are they in school?"

"A few probably are at home. Here, they've got lessons and some self defense work to make them feel safer."

"I understand. We'll try to show up near lunch. Thank you for your time, sir." He left, going to tell his boss, who told someone else. He didn't want to deal with the Council for any reason, he hated them. His agent called another agent he knew. SHIELD handled weird things so they probably handled slayers. The ones in Homeland could talk to Buffy and the older ones.

***

Xander opened the door as he walked past it the next morning. "Saw you in the car, you panicked the minis," he said as he walked past the doorway. "The agent guy to apologize is here," he called. "You girls go nap off lunch or something productive like homework." He smiled at the great groan. Though he paused and stared up the stairs. "Whichever of my daughters snuck out to go talk to those idiots in the trees, get back in the house! Before I marry your ass off!" Daisy came running in. "Thanks, dear." He grinned and waved at her back. "You can't debauch them. They're used to girls like Buffy, not like you guys." He went to the kitchen. "I'm making coffee."

The agent followed. He was the same one who had come up to talk to him before the meeting. "I doubt they could dent those boys too much. The boys would run off whining about strong women first."

Xander smirked at him. "Which would destroy the daughters' self esteem and probably damage them so much they become an abuser or something." He put in coffee grounds and water then turned it on. "There, that's nice. Now I can get lunch," he said quietly, looking in the fridge. "They left me a plate. Thanks," he sighed, grinning at the ceiling. "That's very sweet of you, Ophelia."

"Welcome," she called back. "If you pass out we'd have to torture you by taking you shopping."

"Don't threaten that shit, daughter. I'll make you wear boys' clothes." She burst out giggling. He pulled out his plate and sat down, staring at the agent. "So you came to apologize and to promise never to do it again?" he asked while he was tearing the piece of deli chicken into the component parts. He stared at the agent.

"I'd hope we never do it again. I'd hate to have to kill my fellow agents."

"They were yours?"

"No. They were Homeland and NSA."

"Yeah, some of them were Initiative." He nodded, eating a bite of chicken. One of the minis ran in and grabbed some water then ran back out. "Don't spill that."

"Yes, Xander."

"Come grab a second one. You could use the fluids anyway." She ran back in to get a few more then ran off again. "Thanks." He looked at the agent.

"Dad, we need more bathrooms," Mercada called. "We're girls!"

Xander winced. "Use mine."

"We are!"

He sighed. "I'll see if I can put another one or two in somewhere, girls. I haven't had a chance to see where has plumbing." He stuffed his mouth again with a sigh. "There's eighteen girls in this house right now," he told the amused looking agent. "And two bathrooms." That got a single nod but a smug look. "Yeah." He ate another bite of chicken. "Whoever expanded the space needs to add another few, at least three." He heard someone fall. "And make some of the marble into wood or tile so the girls don't slide down the hallway again." He looked up. "We okay?" he called. "I heard the thump and no crying."

"She's fine," Raisa called. "Just slid in her socks."

"Okay. We'll see if we can find rugs before one of you falls down the stairs by accident." A few of them giggled. He sighed and got up to get some coffee then came back to eat again. "There's days I think I'm insane," he said quietly. "Mostly because there's eighteen girls in this house."

"More than two would do it to me as well," he agreed. "Our director wanted to come talk to you about things. We've managed to find some of your reports."

"We know that you guys hack the Council. Willow didn't keep up to date, half the old guys think computers are corrupting us by letting in demons, including Giles, and the rest can use their smart phones but nothing further." That got a nod. "So at least you guys read them, where Giles didn't. He still hasn't read most of them."

The agent cleared his throat. "I read a few of them to prepare for the talk today. I needed something for my stomach and the hangover I got curing my stomach." Xander grinned. "How did you fight that goddess in Sumatra?"

"Sex. She fell down squealing hard and never bothered another person when the locals introduced her to a few guys who wouldn't mind her being light green and six-foot-seven." He ate another bite. "They're really happy to boink her as often as she wants. She protects the area from any other incursion or problems. It works out well for them."

"That's a reasonable solution," the agent decided, nodding some. "I'm sure they're happy to sacrifice a normal marriage with children for that duty."

"Neither one wanted kids." He shrugged. "Works for them."

Ophelia walked in and got a lot of bottles of water from the fridge. "Dad, can you get one of those water cooler things like Mr. Stark had?"

"Maybe. Once we see how usual expenses work out on my salary. Things were probably cheaper in Africa where we tended to stay." She nodded, carrying the water upstairs. He got up to put more in the fridge to chill. Then he went back to his lunch. "I really have to ask Giles about that."

"He's still hiding inside the Council building today."

"He's in Germany," Xander corrected. "One of the girls over there had a huge problem earlier so the coven sent him and Buffy to handle it." He finished his chicken. "They'll probably be back later tonight."

The agent blinked. "We don't have them flying out and that would be an almost instant turn-around."

Xander snorted, shaking his head. "We have to get there faster than that. Not like a battle with a higher level demon will wait eight hours to fly somewhere."

"Oh." He considered it. "Doesn't that bother immigration?"

Xander shrugged. "Do you think they'll do more than complain and therefore make us let them handle it themselves?"

"Point. Even the Middle East decided to carefully ignore they have slayers in residence so they don't have to go missing most of a military unit again." Xander grinned slightly. "You knew?"

"I'm the one that had the vision that warned them it was coming and gave the embassy where I was a full primer on that demoness. Like what happened in Texas, they didn't want to listen to facts. I picked up one of the local slayers where I was training to send with the one from Turkey to handle it with Faith. I helped yell at them when they yelled at the girls for stepping in. And it was my weapons that Faith used to end it and the one that followed her to move in with her."

"How did you get those weapons?"

"I begged my date at the time to sell me something cheap."

"Will your salary cover that sort of expense?"

"No but I ran into idiots down there that were a problem so I handled it and took what I needed to feed the girls and other necessities."

"I get that," he decided. "Would you be willing to talk to our director?" He nodded. "I'll let him know. Thank you for your time, Mr. Harris."

"Make sure the door's locked when you go so they can't sneak out?"

"I can do so." He left, locking the door after letting in the two cats on the doorstep. He supposed they lived there. Then he heard Xander yell to quit summoning cats. So maybe not but he didn't send them back out so maybe the girls would get more pets.

***

Xander came down the next morning, pausing to pet the tortie cat that was sitting on top of a bookshelf to watch things. "Morning, Oz." He went to answer the door, staring at the woman there. "Yes?"

"Sir, I'm with Social Services."

"I'm with the Council," he said dryly. She flinched back, looking scared. "The girls are mostly in to protect them for a few weeks. Right now they're going over homework with each other. My daughters are home schooling and were mostly raised on a few different realms. Anything you needed to talk about beyond that?"

She blinked a few times. "That explains most of what the neighbors have complained about. Though they have said you've run the boys off multiple times."

"They shouldn't be in the trees out back to try to perv on the girls."

"They're teenage boys. Surely you did?"

"No. I admit I snuck into the changing room a few times but that was mostly to take out vampires hiding in there. Beyond that, saying boys will be boys encourages things like sexual assault by boys who believe that. Which I would kill them for. My daughters are still getting adjusted to being here on earth and probably aren't going to be dating any local boys anyway. Most normal boys won't put up with their level of lessons and self defense lessons daily. Or them being really smart." He grinned. "If, when they're all above sixteen next year, the girls want to go to a local event or somewhere the local kids hang out, they can go do that as a group.

"Until then, they need time to get used to being here instead of on another realm that doesn't have the internet or tv." She winced. "Also, you should be warned that my girls are all very self protective and they will definitely protect each other. Raisa, my one that I had to protest got married off for being found making out, nearly killed a few younger warrior trainees who wanted to chat up another sister."

"She's....married?"

"Odin's decision," he said with a grimace. "But she told me she doesn't mind. She and her wife are getting along pretty well right now so I'm not going to get between them if she doesn't want me to." He shrugged. "She's old enough to know her own will about those things. As long as they treat each other well and I'm never made a grandfather I can't do more than bitch at Odin about that."

She swallowed. "I see. Did they force her into that sort of relationship?"

He grinned. "Odin caught them having sex in his garden." He shrugged. "I don't care if my daughters are bi or het or gay. Most of them are more about personality. Which is another reason why they probably won't be dating any of the local boys. They tend to be a bit shallow at that age and I definitely am not letting them date college boys yet." He looked down as Raisa's cat ran outside to use a bush. "I'm sorry, did we forget to buy cat litter for you guys?" It meowed, kicked dirt over the new puddle, then casually strolled back inside. "That daughter's cat. She'll grow into a wonderful hunting cat some year soon."

The social worker blinked a few times. "You're very weird." He grinned and nodded. "I..." She cleared her throat. "We have paperwork needed for the school board and they have to approve their home schooling system."

"I didn't know about the paperwork but the system itself is from Asgard." He leaned on the doorway, looking up the stairs. "Bring me one of you guys' books," he called. "The social worker wants to see them. One of the ones from Asgard." Ophelia came trotting down. "Thanks, daughter." He looked at it. "The last level you did, so that's good. This is about her tenth grade history book." He let her see it.

She blinked a few times. "It's not in English."

"No, it's in Norse," Ophelia said with a smile. "Asgard has many languages present but we all read that one thanks to Dad." She leaned on Xander's arm.

"My ex-girlfriend taught me it. She had been a vengeance demon for over eleven-hundred-years."

The social worker gave him an odd look then went back to the book. "Is this US history?"

"No, it's universal history. That chapter's on the Kree. They're a warrior race." She stared at her. "US history we got way back when. We wanted to know what Daddy had in school so we had our aunt steal some of their books so we could look them over."

The social worker handed it back. "Don't you get standard subjects? Physical science?"

"We're all through with chemistry and physics," she said dryly. "The books don't go higher until we decide if we want to go to college." Xander nodded. "Maybe. Not sure yet, Dad."

"I know." He cuddled her into his side, grinning at the social worker. "They read about six languages and speak at least three. All Speak tends to handle most of the translation issues if necessary." The social worker slumped, staring at him. He grinned. "I was in the worst school system in the world, lady. I'm not letting my girls go there. I'm not having a GED owner as a daughter. They're all graduating."

"We have tests they have to pass for the state's graduation tests. It'd have things like US history and state history."

"We picked up a minor book on state history and US history we've all went through years ago," Ophelia said with a shrug back at her. "We could probably pass that test fairly easily, ma'am. From what we've seen of US education it's weaker than a lot of other ones."

"I have you guys living up to German standards because when I looked, England's was less strict than theirs," he agreed. "The US standards barely took a page. England's took three. Germany's took five and was higher in things needed to know." He looked at his daughter then at the social worker. "I can get them somehow if you want. I'd have to look up where I saved them to. We talked to a teaching academy on Asgard and they agreed the girls were at a good state for the basics, which the physics text was for."

"That's much different than ours is, Mr. Harris. What about the other girls?"

"They're enrolled in schools in their normal areas. Because we said they have to be enrolled in schools in their normal areas, even if their cultures said that girls don't get an education. We said they have to, and they have to graduate." He grinned. "We're fierce about the slayers being normal young women most of the time." Raisa's cat came back out. "Didn't we set up litter boxes?" he asked Ophelia.

"Yes, but only two."

"We'll get more later then. Sorry, Raisa's kitty." It crapped and covered it before staring up at him. Xander stared back. "I understand but you should pretend to be a normal cat sometimes. People would freak out if they knew about your species." The cat nuzzled his leg. "Ophelia, can you go check food and water and get her some wet food? She hates the crunchies."

"Sure. C'mon, pussy cat." She walked off, leading the way to the kitchen. She put down a plate of wet food next to Oz's perch for her then got the other ones fed.

Xander grinned. "That's the translation of her name."

"I see." She watched the cat then looked at him after a moment. "That's very unusual. The city might not allow such a breed here."

"The city has nothing to do with anything in my life, ma'am. They can throw fits and all that good stuff but they're bonded. As in psychic bonding and can't be broken without killing my daughter." He grinned slightly. "I'm sure you can sense the outcome if that should be suggested?" She shuddered but nodded, taking a step back. "I'm a very overprotective father over most things." One of the girls bounded down the stairs. "You're falling out of that top, Daisy. Put on a bigger one and give that to your sisters. I don't know *why* you got things that don't fit you but fix it."

"Yes, dad," she sighed. "I was working out." She adjusted her bust. "Better?" She glared at him. "I'm fine!"

"For a ho. Is Santa calling for you?" She pouted. "Still falling out of it, dear. Go. Change." He pointed. She pouted all the way up the stairs then grinned at the social worker. "It happens," he sighed. "They're teenage girls and I'm pretty sure those idiot boys are back up a tree to stare into her bedroom. Raisa, help Daisy run those idiots out of the trees this time please," he called.

"Sending the wife since I'm about to take a shower, Dad."

"Sure." He grinned at his daughter-in-law. Who grinned and waved her sword back on her way out to chop down that tree. "The regular, no battle, axe is in the shed out there, Valerian."

"Thank you, Xander. I can fix that problem as they were watching our room as well." A minute later they heard her chopping down a tree and boys yelling as they fled the tree she was chopping down.

Xander grinned at the social worker. "Boys shouldn't be doing that."

"No, they probably shouldn't," she agreed. Then she cleared her throat. "I'll drop those forms for home schooling on you but you should bring in their academic tests and a set of those books to the local school board at the same time so they could let you know about anything they're missing based on the local standards." He nodded, shaking her hand. "Have a better day."

"I gotta talk to agents later." He grimaced but shrugged. "It happens sometimes when you're us."

"I suppose it does, yes." She walked back to her car to call in that report.

Xander shut the door and went to look out back. "Are you going to leave it up but weakened?" She smiled and nodded. "That's fine. I don't mind holding a safe refuge for stray cats or a boy fleeing from bullies, but I don't think we need half the neighborhood's guys up a tree staring at you girls. I'm starting on lunch soon if you wanted to snatch some."

"That's fine, Xander. Thank you." She smiled and went back to weakening the tree. No one over a hundred pounds would be able to get up there without making it fall. She wove an intent protection spell around it to make sure any boy who was fleeing trouble could get up it but no one else then cleaned off the axe and put it away. She got some sandwiches for her and her wife to have a picnic on the roof by their room. Xander handed over a jug of apple cider, getting a grin back. "She'll adore that." They went up to hang out together with their cat. Xander put out the plates of sandwich stuff for the others to run in and grab things. The minis got first food, they needed more calories.

His alarm settings let him know someone was walking up to the door so he went that way, nodding at the same social worker, and the agent behind her. "More questions?"

"How are you getting so many young women in here?" she demanded. "This house isn't probably above a four bedroom." He waved and she stepped in then gasped. "Oh, I see."

He grinned. "It was done for me. Giles picked the place." He shrugged but smiled at her. "It fits. Barely. And we need more bathrooms, there's only two." She nodded and went back to her car. She drove off to talk to the local school board. She was not used to such weird things and she didn't really want to handle this case at all. Thankfully the rumors stated that the Ohio social workers had a close eye on the slayers' people to make sure those girls weren't abused or made to fight too young so it wasn't really much of her concern as long as those girls could take lessons and pass the tests.

Xander looked at the agent, now director, and shrugged. "Hey, Dead Guy."

"Xander," he said patiently. "You have daughters?"

"Some witches made me some because they wanted a great sacrifice. They're all down here since Raisa came down from Asgard with her wife." He let him inside without an invitation, just in case it might get past some of the wards on the house. Giles never did tell him what they were. "I'm watching to make sure the girls all get lunch."

"They snuck behind you with platters of food and bags of bread." Xander looked then carried up bottles of water for them before coming back down. "You know the slayers will eat, Xander."

"I know but my girls might not. And they've now got cats thanks to your agent yesterday." He gave him a pointed look.

"His report stated they were sitting on the doorstep and staring at it. He thought they belonged here until you told them to quit summoning familiars."

"It'd be nice. We have four now." He pointed. "That's Oz. She showed up to be adopted earlier than the other two and Raisa's got a bonded hunting cat."

"That's charming." He led the way into the kitchen he could see so they could sit and talk. "First, let's start with your weapons. How many did you manage to import?"

"I used most of everything we had in the African vault." He grimaced. "I really need to see if some of my former lovers are feeling like donating. We're down to some magical artifacts and weapons for the upcoming things otherwise. And Giles isn't going to be paying me enough to buy them. No pirates or other bad groups of idiots to raid here for excess income."

"Technically there are gangs that you could raid but it would probably endanger the girls. Down there they hated it but they also realized that you used such things to save them as well. It was like a tax write off for charitable donations." Xander rolled his eyes but nodded. "Around here they're not used to that or you."

"Which is why we had the social worker, who was disturbed that the girls are studying universal history."

"Can we get a copy of that book?"

Xander grinned. "That depends, are you going to start that list shit again? Because that would piss me off on behalf of my daughters, two of which have magic, and the slayers."

The agent stared at him. "I'm already aware of the slayer's gifts and if they don't show up we're probably the reason why." Xander nodded. "I saw the mess you made, Xander."

"Good. And if I have to include some inhumans, or whatever you're calling them these days, then I can do that."

"I... That's a touchy subject."

"Yeah, I saw that when I was fighting a demon on the border of Wakanda," he said dryly. The director winced. "Exactly. T'challa was downright pleasant then. He still growls at me."

"You call him the Kitty Cat king," he shot back.

Xander grinned. "I'll let them know you've got their clubhouse bugged again."

"I'm sure Stark knows," he said dryly.

"Hmm. We want peace and safety, but not that way and I'm not helping with that stuff. My duty is making sure humanity progresses and survives. That list thing, that would've gotten in the way of it."

"We've ended that."

"Bullshit. Poker circuit said they had to go empty that prison for you."

"Well....yes. When did you hear that?"

"Last night."

"I only got told it happened this morning."

"Telepathic. Warrior. Species," Xander said patiently then grinned again. "I gave one a hug for that." He gave him a pointed look. "Conscription is always wrong. It leads to things like that one camp in lower Austria that held that one mutant who blew it up."

"Point. It's not what I want. I can't argue with the president."

"I can. And have argued with a few of them. And I'm about to blow up General Ross if he wasn't there."

"He wasn't. He's in DC, safely hiding in a bunker from those ones that attacked the people who were experimenting on the slayers." He grimaced. "It'd be nice if he was found and arrested for that."

"Uh-huh. Is that asking for a favor?"

"Not particularly. It'd look bad on the Council," he sighed.

Xander grinned. "Don't you think Willow already hates him?"

"I ...hadn't thought about that," he admitted. He squeezed his eyes shut. "That could be evil."

"Yeah. Then again Raisa's trying to get her to meet some of her lesbian friends from Asgard."

"It'd be nice if she had a girlfriend again. It'd make her settle down and quit bouncing. We all worry about bouncy witches."

"It's a good thing to worry about. Especially the younger ones. By the way, have you seen the news in the last hour?"

"No." He pulled out his phone to look up DC and Cleveland. He stared at the news feed that hadn't pinged his alerts. "Why...Congress is hamsters and gerbils?"

"The mini witches nearly got captured." He grinned. "They're being talked to about reasonable actions by Giles. He agreed they should have gotten the ones that tried to capture them but not all of Congress. Some of them were innocent of wanting them to die."

Director Coulson cleared his throat and nodded. "I can see that point. Yes." He put his phone back up and stared at him. "You're distracting me from the weapons?"

"What weapons? I used them all."

"All? You had something that was nuclear."

"That went into a well to kill the portal and the army trying to climb through. It may have started a war with that realm but pity. I didn't want staked by a pole axe."

"Are you sure it was used properly?"

"I nearly got staked by a pole axe's sharp and pointy top bit thanks to looking in a well, Coulson. I turned that on, dropped it down the hole, and then ran back a few hundred feet. The bomb went off, lots of bright light, and almost no radiation on this side of it. I'm pretty sure they're not going to try to climb up that well again for a long time."

"Good. That's very helpful." He made that note for himself then looked at Xander. "You really don't have any weapons?"

"A few swords. My bow. A few crossbows." He shrugged and broke open a bottle of water to sip from. He looked out back when a boy tried to climb up that tree and screamed as it swayed, nearly crashing on top of him. "I told you to quit perving at the daughters," he yelled. "If it kills you, we'll scrape you up in a box." The boy ran from the yard again. He grinned, sipping his water. "They were staring in the girls' rooms."

"Teenage boys can be that way." He stared at him. "We think there's a few problems coming up beyond what you've seen."

"Considering I only see apocalypse battles? Probably, yeah." He shrugged. "We handle them as they happen. Right now I'm training minis. I contacted the hunting pair I worked with in Africa and they've got most of it handled with the two adult slayers down there. Thankfully." He took another drink and put the bottle on the counter. "Right now I'm more concerned about getting the minis home. It might not be totally safe."

"Most of the ones that were acting up because the demon wanted to call in their debts are dead. Mostly by their military's hands. A few led to almost coups and got covered up by a great illness. One country declared it a demon plague that they couldn't cure so it was merciful to put them down. And got rid of some of their problem people with it."

"Figured that'd happen," Xander agreed. He pulled a stool out and sat down on it, taking another drink from his water. "We'll start checking next week or so to get the minis home if possible. Cresida still alive?"

"Unfortunately he is. He's still a hidebound ass. He laughed at the demon plague story when a reporter asked him about it and broke that silence. They're presently threatening his existence but he said if he died at least it wasn't going to be a horrifying one like during a battle."

"Cresida's a bit of an asshole but he's right. It's less painful to be shot than to be ripped limb from limb during a battle."

"Yes it probably would be," Coulson agreed. One of the minis leaned around the doorway. "You can check on Xander. I'm not mean, Miss Minara. I'm Director Coulson of SHIELD."

She blinked at him. "Your people did bad things."

"I stopped them," Xander reminded her, waving her in to give her a hug. "What's up?"

"What's this word?" she asked, pointing at the book she was holding.

Xander looked. "Occlusion. It means...you saw the solar eclipse?" She nodded. "That's an occlusion."

"Oh!" She nodded, hugging him again. "Thanks, Xander." She ran back upstairs to tell the other girls. None of them wanted to be anywhere near agents, just in case they were mean ones again.

Xander looked at him. "After the other day I doubt any slayer will ever be alone with any agent. Even the one that's married to one." He finished his water and tossed the bottle into the recycling bin. "Which really sucks for her but I heard through the slayer grapevine that she filed for divorce thanks to all that the other day."

"His boss does answer and subscribe to General Ross's thoughts," Coulson admitted. "Though we had hoped it'd be a nice marriage for them. She certainly deserved it." Xander nodded. "Are you going to step into the Avengers vs Avengers thing?"

"Yup." He smirked. "As a few favors asked me to." Coulson stared at him. "By the way, Willow *really* wants to mentor that one young lady. She's just a kid." He saw the slight slump. "Not her fault she was used as a lab rat and now the US is doing worse than torturing her."

"Point. I had hoped we could keep the Council out of that."

Xander smirked. "Like hell we won't protect the girls that're just like slayers, only less mystically chosen."

"True. We'd like to keep all that down. They're just barely back to talking again."

"I know. We had a meeting the other day about the upcoming visions." He shrugged. "Lady Sif appeared too, she came with Raisa and Valerian."

"That's nice. Tell her I said hello." He put his phone up. "We'd like to be on good terms with the Council."

"You guys blew it the other day. I'm probably the only person associated with the Council who will talk to any agent. Mostly because they know I'm going to lube a missile and launch it up an ass if I have to."

"I figured since Mr. Giles said that they're not talking to anyone at the moment to protect the girls. Though they haven't been at school."

"They do have home schooling modules for times when going to school isn't safe," Xander said. "The same as mine do from Asgard's schools."

"Which is helpful. Are the girls safe?" Xander gave him a smug look. "That's fine I suppose. Thank you, Xander. Are you going to be at those battles?"

"I'd hate to die just because I'd want others that summoned them to die. Both of those are summoned."

"Thanos?"

"Oh, no, not him. He's a natural, outer space, threat that's going to try to avenge his girlfriend Hel being handed her ass on Asgard as they have a huge world-ending battle."

"Oh, dear. I didn't read those as they weren't going to happen down here."

"Until parts of Asgard have to flee."

"Point. We'll....I'll talk to people other than Ross about that." He looked outside then sighed. "Agents. Homeland agents."

Xander got up and got into the vault, coming out bouncing something in his hand as he smiled at them. "Hi, guys."

"Mr. Harris. Is that a weapon?" one asked.

"No, it's a demonic pokeball," he said with a grin, bouncing it again. "It'll come out to fight my enemies so I can protect the girls and my daughters. So, why the visit?"

"General Ross...."

"Is on my ever-living shit list," Xander said bluntly, staring that agent down. "For the whole Council. I'd suggest he never come near the slayers again. Because we won't accept an apology for torturing little kids on his orders. We're already burying three little girls, all under the age of eleven, because of his orders. He can blow us. Anything else you wanted to talk about? Giles would be more genteel but he'll still protect the girls."

"We're wanting to talk about how the girls do their duty."

"They do them just fine. I personally approve of most of the girls going on patrol status. They have to be able to beat me sparring to qualify." He grinned again. "Most of the slayers are very good. And the rest are too damn young. Why the worry?"

"Well, no one patrolled last night," the second agent said.

"Yeah, we're not going to go risk our lives for shit like that. Cleveland was pretty quiet because the local demon communities know that we won't be risking our lives to save those idiots or their silent supporters. Especially with a high risk of being captured by that sort, or the bigoted sort that tried to capture Macy on her way back from the doctors for her flu shot. Pity about their clubhouse but it was very nice of the local demon community to rescue her before I had to hear she needed it."

"We hadn't heard about that," the first agent said, staring at the ball Xander was rolling around in his hand.

"I only heard about it afterwards and Macy was thankfully rescued before the gas they used on her cab wore out. They didn't have a chance to do more than tie her up."

"Are the girls in the house?"

"Mine? Yes."

"The ones in Cleveland?"

Xander grinned. "Sorry, classified." He winked at the second agent. "I can go get a different one if you wanted something with tentacles."

"No thank you. We'd really like to talk about how to use the slayers properly with the US's agents and military."

"Suck it up," Xander told him. "We're not yours. We're not going to be nationalized like they did in Yemen. We will *gladly* flee Cleveland and the US, leaving it to you guys to handle on your own if you want. All you have to do is tell us. Buffy's already pushing for that with what I had to fix the other day." They both stepped back. "Now, anything else, guys?"

"Sir, we don't want to be hostile."

"Then I shouldn't have needed to rescue twenty-six girls from your people. Especially the ones that had to be rushed to surgery or the ICU, or the three that died of the injuries you gave to little children," he stated firmly. "Since you've proven yourselves to be worse than most demon societies.... We don't trust you, we never will trust you, and even if you jumped in to help us with battles we'd have people watching over us to make sure you can't confiscate anyone from the ER or from the battle aftermath. The one that tried that with me, many moons ago, learned that lesson in their afterlives from what I'm told." He gave them another pointed look. "Now." He smiled slightly. "Go. Away. Please. I'm having a charming chat with another agent about what went on in Africa."

"No one can do that sort of thing by themselves," the second agent sneered.

"There's this great app called 'youtube'," Xander quipped. "Perhaps you should learn the uses of it. Because quite a few of the battles ended up on there thanks to civilians. There's a lot of smart phones in Africa, even in areas that there's no flush toilets there's at least one smart phone per village in case of emergency. Plus the militaries we worked with often took film to train later soldiers in case it came up again." He felt someone walking up behind him and glanced back. "Hey." He looked at them. "Don't stare at my daughter. I'm a highly overprotective dad."

Ophelia grinned and waved. "Pissing Dad off means that he makes us do more homework while he leeches the anger off with katas. We'd like to have less homework today so we can maybe take the minis shopping for things they need but can't get at home. A few need sneakers, Dad."

He looked back at her. "Tell Giles."

"He'll have a messenger send up the shopping card or he'll ask a witch to send it." He nodded at that. "Can we?"

"I guess. We'll need to find out how to get you all to the mall though."

"Point. But hey, cabs."

"Five people per cab, daughter. There's how many of you?"

"Yeah, we'd need about six cabs," she admitted, considering it. "In shifts?"

"Might be wiser," he agreed patiently. "That way some of you are safely out of the way in case someone stupid happens and Raisa or someone has to rescue them."

"Good idea. We can make a battle plan to raid the mall." She ran back up the stairs.

Xander grinned. "I had them trained with warriors on Asgad." The agents slumped away from him. "Every single one of my daughters needed it. That way I'm not a grandfather anytime soon. Though a few are better than I am." He smiled. "I'm very proud of my girls."

"I'm sure most fathers are. We'll talk later, when we don't have to make you miss talking to that other agent. Dating him?"

"No. He saw me taking down a hell goddess once. He knows to respect the battle people." They turned to hike back to their cars, trying to look like they weren't fleeing. Xander looked at the ball and considered hitting them with it anyway. It'd save him later work.

"No preemptive strikes please, Xander," Coulson said. He took the pokeball to look at. "It's cute. What's captured in there? This dot pattern?"

"That's their name in braille, yeah. That way I can tell in the dark if I have to again. That's a minor goddess. She'd just take minions and walk them off cooing."

"Charming." He handed it back. "Put it back so I can look at your containment system?"

"We can all break the locks but we don't want to have to," Mercada called. "Dad wants us to be normal girls."

"Exactly," Xander agreed, grinning up at her. "How many need shopping?"

"All of them. They barely have any clothes. And Daisy needs shirts that fit." She skipped back to the group to go back to making battle plans for the malls. They had no idea what shops were local.

Xander just nodded. "I hate shopping," he muttered. "That is my version of hell." He put the capturing ball back, letting Coulson look at things. Though it was nice he shuddered at a few things.

Coulson pointed at one. "That's evil?"

"That's the Source of All Evil that got smuggled to this realm and infected someone. She's in there. It's like I Dream of Jeanie in there for her from what she said when I released her once by accident."

Coulson stared at him for a moment then nodded and walked off making notes. Xander shut that vault door, smirking a tiny bit. That wasn't even the mean vault. That was the 'good' artifact vault. "Thankfully I have a few tied to the alarms on the house in case someone tries to break in again. I did that after we got home."

"We'd have to defeat a greater evil to get near the slayers? It won't go for them?"

"It's conditional for their participation. A blood vow to not go near the slayers they're protecting because they're babies."

"Ah." He nodded. "They'd want a worthy enemy?"

"That and I promised if they didn't I was going to leave them cooped up. Or give them to Buffy for her to coo over." He smiled. "They decided to make the blood vow."

"That is very mean," he agreed. "She used a genie's wish to get clothes that are always clean and shoes that are always shiny if they're supposed to be."

"Yeah, she worded it funny too. It ruined two pairs of suede shoes on her."

Coulson sighed, shaking his head and making that note for later file amendments. "I've learned to look at the context of why they're shopping based on the contents of the bags," he admitted, looking at Xander. "Like you suggested." Xander grinned. "I still don't understand that wish."

"If she had made a stronger wish it might've caused problems. All wishes are double-edged swords. In this case, it means she comes out looking sweaty but spotless, but maybe ripped clothes, but the other girls get gooed like hell when they're near her. If she had wished for something stronger it would've been used against the girls in worse ways."

"I hadn't thought about that," Coulson admitted. He looked out toward the door. "They're back with a supervisor."

Xander hummed, going to get something from the vault then threw it out the door. They screamed at the tentacles but they quit trying to break the door down. "Girls, go into hiding mode," he called. He leaned out the door, smiling at them. "Yes? Did you need more things to talk about?" He grinned.

"Get that thing off my agent!" the supervisor yelled, shooting at the demon.

"It's impervious to all but energy weapons." He grabbed the ball and it sucked in the demon with the agent it was holding onto.

"Give him back!" the other agent demanded, pointing a gun at him. "Or I'll make you."

"I can release the demon again to get him free but that means you're equally able to go in there with it. If you hadn't shown up to try to hurt the slayers or my daughters...." He left the ball out there and slammed the door behind himself. "We don't need tentacles in the house."

"Couldn't you have used something less mentally warping, Xander?" Coulson asked patiently.

"Sure, but they would've been more scared of her and her three foot dick. I can get that one so they can compare."

"Please don't. Go save the agent?"

"Fuck no." He grinned. "The guy was holding a bag full of medical vials and a box of syringes. Nope." He went to answer the door when an officer pounded on it. He pointed at the bag. "They had those and were trying to break down the door, Officer. I'm Council and I'm a damn overprotective father as well. They were warned earlier. They chose to come back."

"They're agents, sir," he said stiffly.

"Yes, the same sort that got eaten for torturing children. If you're the same way they are, have fun saving your own ass." He gave him a pointed look. "Since I'm the only hunter in the area and my trainee slayers are babies, not going to come from them. Or my teenage daughters."

Mercada came down and opened the ball, looking inside at it. "Please give the human back. You already realize he's bad people and not good enough for you. You need something much nicer than that idiot, dear," she said in All Speak. "Please?" It spit the human out. "Thank you." She petted a tentacle. "You're adorable but I'm underage." It moaned. "Give me a few years then talk to us. Okay?" She closed the ball back up again, handing it to her father. She stared at the agent, who was hysterically laughing and crying with his gun in his hand. "Next time, don't force Dad to go evil to protect us. He does evil pretty damn well after years training mini slayers in Africa." She walked off. "Dad, stealing the rest of the bottled water."

"We can get more later," he agreed. He stared at the agent then at the officer, waving a hand. "There, have the idiot that tried to kill my children. Please."

"Sir, you're under arrest," the officer said.

Xander shook his head, pulling out his wallet to hold up a laminated letter from the last president. "I am allowed to do anything I need to do to protect the slyaers."

"The current president hates them," the officer said smugly.

"And that's why half the people in DC yesterday were furry." He stared at him. "You can arrest me if you want to try that but you won't get very far, Officer." He pointed. "There's three demons there waiting on the girls to be vulnerable to attack them. Which means you'd die when I had to get back to them to protect them. Because I'm not going to let *anyone* kill a baby of three-years-old for daring to be born. Oh, I'm sorry, your sort are only pro-life when it's a white baby like you and perfectly normal," he sneered. "You'd better hope like hell the local community is feeling nice and peaceful." He grinned. "Because I'm not taking them on for you." He waved a hand at the demons. "Shoo. Now."

"Slayers," one moaned.

"I'm Xander Goddess Damned Harris," he shot back. "They're under my protection." The demons moaned and went back into hiding. He stared at the officer then at the agents, who were looking scared. He walked off. "Let me stop this pissing match." He called in a favor from a poker debt, who moaned loudly but agreed they could change things without endangering any of those slayers.

Phil Coulson looked up as he was still in the house but it sounded empty. He saw a note that was left for him and sighed. He checked the vault, nothing in there. They were with the slayers are their fallback. He went to talk to the agents who were being eaten by that tentacle demon and two others. "Enough," he ordered. They fled with their tasty treats. He went back to his office to talk to the president. General Ross was in there sneering too. At least until something broke in and went right for Ross to eat him. It was tiny but couldn't be shot. "I have no idea what kills that beyond uranium," he noted calmly. Ross was trying to get away. He handed the note to the president, who snorted but pointed at the demon. "Uranium, sir. Which we do not have." He looked at the demon. "Can't you get him later?" he asked it politely. "We need to talk about how he managed to get the US abandoned by the slayers."

"The military will cover for it," the president sneered, standing up.

Coulson looked at him, shaking his head. "They won't. They're under orders not to by the Pentagon because none of them know how to behead anything, sir." The president glared. "You can ask. General Hardrion," he called, spotting him up the hall. "Do you have any uranium before General Ross is eaten?"

"Pity, but nope. Too bad about his idiot self being killed," he said, walking in there. He stared at the demon, smiling at it. "I know that thing. One of the slayers asked one to take out a cult that was wanting to kill her and her baby sister last year. Ate the whole damn thing and didn't leave a mess for the locals to clear up. So what did you do to the slayers, Ross? They only react that way when it's nasty."

"He wanted to take more of them into custody to torture them," Coulson said. "I had been talking to their head hunter but then he called in a poker debt to protect the girls. This one showed up without that being asked for apparently." He looked at the demon then at the general. "As far as I know only uranium kills it."

"Great," the general said with a nod as Ross yelled because it had bitten one of his legs pretty badly. "Wish it would take that outside," he noted firmly, glaring at the demon, who growled back but did run Ross out of the room. "Thanks." He looked at the president. "I got an email this morning from the Council's head. We're screwed and have three apocalypse battles in the next two weeks because they've left over that little thing you had going where you let people torture children. We can't behead, never been taught how to use a sword."

"Battle axes might be more practical," Coulson said. "Xander said he picked his up and pretty well just started to whack away at things."

"We have a few who can use a traditional axe," he agreed. "Might help if we can find some."

"Ask the ren faire people, General. They have weapons that are use quality in some cases." The general smirked at him. "I know a few who have pikes. I had to borrow one a few years back."

The general nodded. "Great. Well, that'll suck since one's going to be local." He handed over the email he had been sent.

"Those costumed sorts?" the president demanded. "It's their job!"

"They're not going to help anyone who tried to capture and torture them either," the general said bluntly. "Why would they? They're not suicidal. They won't even come out of the building, sir." The president glared at him. "Truth."

"I've talked to Stark and he's only going to come out for the fate of the world," Coulson agreed. "Were they notified?"

"Yup, and we warned the areas noted so they could try to evacuate some of them." The general looked at him. "That was your fuckup."

"I made a list, General. Others took the list to become a conscription list. That is not what I wanted. I simply wanted and needed to know who to get in touch with to handle things. I regret my part in that and I've sent my apology letter to them. They haven't responded and I doubt they will. People screwed over by the ones who're supposed to be working with them hardly ever do."

"Fine. The ones still on that prison raft?"

"Got rescued three days ago by demons. I have no idea where they stashed them to heal and rest." He rubbed the back of his neck then looked at the president. "I can't make the Avengers help defeat those. I doubt the slayers will. My speciality agents who might be of help I'll alert later." He took the email to read, grimacing. "This is bad and right before a super level extinction battle. Charming."

"Extinction level?" General Hardion demanded.

"We have a higher being named Thanos coming within the next year, General. He's immortal, powered by things like Loki's staff, and even Asgard hasn't managed to do more than banish him in the past. Though we can't count on Asgard's help because they're about to have one of their own with Thanos' lover, Hela."

"If I remember right, wasn't she a goddess of death or something?"

"Yes, she is. She's going to hit Asgard hard in about six weeks we think. Or so, the time code's not definite. They know and they're taking precautions but it's going to be Asgard ending if the visions we have are correct." The general winced. "Most of them can go to one of the other eight realms but I'm not sure how many might try to come down here to protect themselves. If so, they'll probably be healed and rested when Thanos comes but most of them aren't warriors."

The general nodded. "How do you defeat something like Thanos?"

"Take the stones from him and banish as far as we can tell."

"Charming." He walked off shaking his head. "Let me get battle units ready for those battles." He saluted the vice president as he walked past him.

"General, is there a problem?"

"Yes, sir. The Council abandoned the US because we tried to torture some of their kids. General Ross is presently being attacked for that by demons who look up to the slayers. Every damn last one of them in the US is out of it for now, sir, and we've gotten visions of three events trying to take advantage of that problem. I need to get some Marines trained to use actual swords if you'll excuse me."

The vice president walked in. "What happened?" Coulson looked at him then turned on the tv in there to show the aftermath still being shown from the Council having to find their people to rescue them. "Oh, dear."

"They're not going to be here to protect people who would torture children for being born and their statement a few minutes ago said that they thought so many of those people were supposedly pro life. Shows how much they hate living people." He let him see the email that the general had brought. "From local visions, sir."

"The Avengers?" the vice president demanded.

"After the Accords? Probably not many of them," he admitted. "I have a few specialist agents who might be able to help. I'll be calling on them later today. One's clearly set in about two days since they had a date on a watch to go by." He looked at the president then at the VP. "I can probably get a message back to the hunter for the Council but he's also protecting his daughters. Who he had to rescue as well." He stared at him. "At least the one coming within a year won't be able to destroy too much. If you'll excuse me, sirs, I've got to call around to find swords or axes." He walked off with that email to call around. He had no idea how one of them had gotten out of storage. It had been captured a few years back and agents had put it into a top secret storage area. He had to check on that first in case it was HYDRA. Though maybe HYDRA would step in and remove part of themselves.

The VP looked at the president. "See what you've done?" He walked off again. He had to send his family off on vacation to somewhere safer. Maybe Europe since they still probably had their slayers working.

The president sat and seethed until he spotted his phone to text out a tweet. What he got back made sure he realized he was an idiot because everyone said that would endanger the US. All his top generals had tweeted back that the military wasn't trained for that. His chief of staff came in to take his phone and correctly tweet a new plan, then walked off with the phone, getting huffed at. "I can handle it," he called after him.

"Sir, I'm having to clean the remains of a general off the lawn," he called back. "Don't make them attack here again please."

The president sneered but closed his curtains. He didn't want to see that sort of mess. He'd never blame himself but he could blame a lot of that on Ross and the slayers would come back, right? He tried that, but then emails were released by some hackers. He had to get those hackers before they did real damage to his image.

***

"Dad," Ophelia said, sitting next to him. "We have to go defeat things. You don't want innocents hurt. I know you don't."

"No, I don't. Though many of them would probably try to hurt you girls." He looked up from carving a stake while he thought. "Even then, you're not going."

"No, we're not," she agreed. "We're too young and we're working on how to evacuate parts of Asgard with Lady Sif." Xander nodded he liked that idea. "Is there a way the slayers that want to go can?"

"If we and agents wore fully covering gear so they couldn't be identified, and I do mean everyone, then it might be safer," he admitted. "Most agents wouldn't do that. They want to do the job and know they can't so they hate on us for being able to do the job."

She nodded. "We get that. Can we talk to that one agent guy you were casually chatting with?"

"That's Director Coulson of SHIELD." He looked at her. "You might want to call the one you wanted to flirt with instead. SHIELD has HYDRA leanings half the time and they're still trying to clean house and clean that up."

She nodded. "We can do that." She took his phone from his pocket, heading back into the building they were using. "Dad had an idea," she told Buffy. "But it'd require agents going along with it. Any of the slayers that wanted to go would have to be in the same all covering gear that the agents would be so no one could identify who was who."

She grimaced. "It's hard to fight in things like that."

"Can we call and suggest?" Ophelia asked. "Dad was talking casually with an agent when the shit tried to hit our doorway. He said he's the director of SHIELD."

Buffy frowned. "I met him. One-eyed guy?"

"No. Not this one."

"Coulson took over when SHIELD imploded," Xander said as he walked in. "Fury's supposedly dead but running a secret group to try to get HYDRA and other problems down."

"Would he help us?" Buffy asked him.

"I don't know," he admitted. "He seemed to want to stay out of it." He shrugged. "No clue. You can call and ask."

"I... Yeah." She took the phone, looking at it. "Why is it glowing?"

"I dropped it into an energy well."

"Oh." She dialed the number she had for SHIELD, it was out of service. Xander took his phone and dialed one, handing it back. "Hi, it's Buffy Summers. We're trying to find a way to come help with the battles," she said quietly. "No, Xander dialed it. No, we're not. I'm not risking most of my girls so any battles are by volunteer at the moment. I and a few others wanted to come make sure the innocents didn't get hurt, even if the evil ones did. No, Xander was thinking full covered gear so no one could tell us from the agents about to jump in." She listened while that woman said somethng to someone, who said those sort of outfits were hard to fight in. "We know," she agreed. "That's why we don't wear body armor most of the time. That and it won't move with our bodies as we fight. Plenty of us have been debating for the last few days but we can't let innocents and kids be hurt because of their actions," she finished with a sigh. She listened. "We can probably do that. Giles, can we go back there easily?"

"Yes. We built the emergency portal off the doorway Xander had so we have a way down there if we have to." He took off his glasses to stare at her. "While I commend you ladies who want to go make sure innocents don't die, we don't want you to die either."

"Ditto," Xander said as he came back with an apple off the tree out back. He settled at the table to nibble and listen in. "I'd be going back, maybe," he admitted between bites because they were staring at him. "Two of them will take men to kill them but the minions need females to kill them. That's the double assault in DC in a few days. The other just needs higher weapons and then beheaded. The last one that we saw coming in, we need about a ton of pure steel blades to behead because that's all that works as far as the books said." Giles nodded at that. "The last nebulous one that's been going around I don't know what it is. I didn't get a clear image, just a cloudy thing."

"That itself could be a demon," Giles reminded him.

"I looked at those. It was backlit and just fimly fog, not a creature. The creature was hidden behind the fog and in the lights. That one, the Powers are blocking. Proved that earlier when I saw Whistler, who was scowling at me for daring to save some of the girls." Buffy glared. "Yup. He's outside by the way." He finished his apple and tossed the core into the fireplace. Buffy stomped out to talk to him while she still had the phone. That way others could hear. Xander looked at Giles. "I can go help," he said more quietly. "I'm leaving Raisa in charge of my girls. She and Valerian have some sense and will help them do homework while they're worried."

"That's fine, Xander. I know you have to make plans for them." Xander nodded, grimacing. "I hope you won't be that badly hurt."

"Me too," he snorted, but grinned a bit. "Especially since we can't depend on any sort of competent care down there without risking someone being snatched from the ER or hospital. Did we get the ones in the hospital in Cleveland?" Giles nodded. "That's good then."

"They're in the hospital in London. The agents we work with there are most happy to help us. They won't let the London team go to help though, because they can't promise they'd be protected."

"Which I agree with," Xander said with a nod. "We can't guarantee anyone's going to be safe. There's too many idiots. But at least Ross is gone."

"How?" Giles asked.

"One of the chewing things decided he was going to hurt the slayers," one of the others said with a grimace but a shrug. "We didn't ask but he decided he'd protect us from what we've seen when we stole Xander's phone to look at the news feeds." Xander grinned at them. "And send emails to people we know that we're okay, just in hiding before we all get tortured." She leaned on the table. "How would a head covering work, Xander?"

"See through from the inside. Like a lace covering but no one would be able to tell anything about your skin or face or hair." She nodded at that. "I have no idea if they can do that before that first battle though. Or at all in some way that means you can fight in it. I don't design uniforms or clothes."

"We know," the girls said.

"Some of your girls are really unfashionable, Xander," one complained.

"They like to dress like they're still on Asgard," Xander quipped back. "It's warmer up there too." They all giggled. Buffy came back looking disgusted. "Whistler?" he guessed. "Or SHIELD?"

"Whistler." She handed back the phone. "He's mad you saved them. That them being found doing that should have made humanity work against the stupid."

"Yeah, hasn't yet and they know," Xander said dryly. "So that plan's in the crapper. Did Cordy plot that one?"

"No, she showed up to yell at him about that plan being so damn bad and that anyone who wanted a baby tortured they should be hung up and shot." She sat in her seat again. "The SHIELD people think they can do it, but maybe not before that first battle."

Xander nodded. He looked at Giles. "Glamors?"

Giles blinked a few times. "Not that hard to do. We can put them on something like a necklace. That would last for a few hours at the least." Xander nodded at that. "That may be workable for the first battle." He took the phone to call the coven so they could work on that. He paused to stare at Xander. Who sighed and nodded he'd be there. "Yes, he'll be there," he agreed, walking off again.

"I can get awfully scruffy and not look like myself too," Xander quipped. "I look totally different with a beard, including older."

"It's only in two days, Xander," Buffy reminded him.

He grinned. "We can do that." She rolled her eyes. He went to talk to his girls, and then used his special doorway to go somewhere else. They needed more weapons so he'd go talk to some people that could make them. And maybe he'd hear more on Thanos. He came back eight hours later totally scruffy, hair grown long, and limping a bit. He even had a cane. "It's healed, just sore," he said at the worried looks. He put his bag on the table and opened it. "Weapons, ladies." They pulled them out to look over. He looked at Giles. "We have Thanos listed in a book."

"I can't get a copy of it. I've tried."

"Not that book. Irregular Gods has him. I saw a copy and borrowed it for two days." Giles went to check that, then nearly squealed when he found out Xander had been correct. It had much on him. "Make me notes so I can hand them off before the battle." He sat down and rubbed his leg. "Fully healed," he assured the staring slayers.

"You really do look odd when you're all scruffy and middle ages Xander," Buffy quipped. He grinned. "Doesn't that itch?"

"Only the first few days." They went back to cooing over the weapons. Xander took a few to sharpen. The slayers were horrible at it.

***

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