Quit Wishing! by voracity

[Reviews - 6]
Printer

Chapter or Story
Table of Contents
- Text Size +

Xander was in a mall a few days later and spotted something bad. Something really bad. He glanced around. No security guards. Two guys with bulky vests and muttering prayers as they walked. "Aww fuck," he muttered. "Fire!" he shouted. A few people started and ran. "Fire!" He ran for a store. "People with bulky vests!" he told a salesperson. She hit the button and the store got evacuated through the back. Out in the main areas, the fire alarm was going off to clear the area. People were being mostly orderly, a bit of pushing but not stampeding. Xander looked. He grabbed a guard and pointed. "Bulky vests! Prayers as they walk. Not running now."

"Did you call the fire in?" he demanded.

Xander pointed. "I wasn't going to shout suicide bomber," he said dryly. The guy nodded that was wise and was calling it in. Xander came out to move people. "Into the stores! There's back ways out! Get out of the main area!" One of the guys flinched and tried to grab the switch out of his pocket but it was stuck. The other looked up and Xander shot him in the head. The other screamed as he tried to get the switch out but the guards tackled him and held him down. Xander came over to look and disarmed it. He sighed. "That's the main explosive, if there's a backup I don't know."

"Are you an officer?" one of the running police officers demanded.

"Watcher Xander Harris, head watcher in Africa for the slayers."

The officer blinked a few times. "Then you've probably seen bombs to use. What happened?"

"I saw these two walking and praying," Xander said with a point. "I didn't see any mall guards so I yelled that there was a fire to start the evacuation. I ran into the store," he said with a point. "And told the person at the register, who called them."

"Which explains the fire alarms going off," the officer agreed with a nod. "Thank you."

"Make sure they're the only ones?" Xander suggested to the guards. The were calling the other teams. Xander pointed. "I pulled that to disarm him. The other I shot because the guards aren't armed and he was finished with his prayers so he could push it."

The officer nodded. "Good work. Sit so we can get a full statement."

Xander sat down with a sigh, watching the mall be evacuated. He sent a text message that he was all right and everything was good so far. He winced when he heard a single explosion, standing up to look around. "Need my help searching for survivors?"

"He was trapped and alone," a guard called. Xander nodded, sitting down and taking a few deep breaths like he did after battles. The guard looked at the officer. "The first we knew someone was calling in that someone had yelled about a fire and then we got a notice of a suicide vest." He shrugged. "He handled it before we could."

"That's fine. He's used to threats if he's the man who backs up slayers." He looked at the one that had been shot. "He has good aim." He was calling his bosses to let them handle the bigger problems. The watcher got talked to by someone military, and they took the statement for him. Then suddenly his head lifted and he looked at the bodies. "What?" he called, backing off with the guards.

"I'm hearing a really high pitched whine." They got further away from the body before Xander could stand up and walk over to the bodies. He found it and winced, ripping it off the dead body. He held it up for the military guy to take it and got the other one disarmed. The living guy blinked and stared at him then started to seize.

"That's a control unit." They got him out of the way once he had gotten the vest off the living one. Xander took it to look over. "The NID idiots who infected my former town created it to use on demons. In vampires, they put the main chip into their brains to control how they feed." He opened it with his pocket knife then put the knife back. "That chip." He looked back then at them. "They were under control."

"Fuck," the military person said quietly.

"Yeah." Xander handed the closed one over. "I...I need to call someone." He walked off calling after taking a picture. "Waller, Xander. It's an emergency. I need to talk to the SHIELD doctor that came to ask about the temples." He got put on hold and the guy, or some guy, came back with him. "It's Watcher Xander Harris. I just found a control box like the NID created in Sunnydale with their idiotic, torturing program. We had them trying to bomb a mall."

He sent the picture over to Waller's phone. "I sent a picture of the open one. I got two of them disarmed. Should they look at the one that's living to find other things inserted?" The agent noted that they had barely anything on that and there was probably a link to the brain. Xander waved and the military guy came over. "This is the military guy in charge. Tell him what he's looking for. Putting a guy with a chip in his head into a machine could kill him."

The agent and someone female with him, went over what they could tell about the chip and the system. The officer asked a few questions and they agreed, it was mind controlling by the files they had access to. He reported that and the agent asked where and who they were aiming for. The military officer told them that and they promised to look into it. Xander hung up after getting a 'good job' and sighed, looking at the group again. "I need to go fuck shit up to find out why they have that thing. That whole thing was supposedly sanitized and destroyed." He took a deep breath, then yelped when someone grabbed his arm. He stared. "Don't grab me!"

"Sorry!" the guard said, backing up. "What do we know of this program?"

"I'll get someone who can see classified stuff into it so he can pass it out. They hate it when I mention the US army screwed up that way." The military officer gave him an odd look. Xander called someone. "I need the Initiative's files sent to my phone for a briefing, 'Drew. We just found that chip that was in Spike's head on someone who was trying to bomb a mall." He nodded. "Thanks. Yeah, that's good. They can ask Willow for the rest." He hung up and looked for the files, bringing them up. He let the military officer see. The regular officers looked pissed. "The US was trying to cover it up, guys. It's super classified and eyes only of our president." One winced. "They fucked up that bad, yeah. Killed thousands of demons by experimenting on them in horrifying ways."

The military officer nodded. "I would've shot them."

"If I had that option," Xander quipped dryly, staring at him. He called up one file that had finally finished loading. "On that chip." The military guy winced but nodded it was the same one. Xander ran a hand over his hair, looking around. "No agents?"

"On their way. Let me call my supervisors, Watcher Harris."

"Yup. I'm going to go pee. It's a good day to crap yourself so let me make sure I didn't." He walked off frowning and texting Andrew. Andrew created a place to securely download those files. By the time he got back two agents were trying to be menacing so he nudged one on the arm and handed him the phone with that announcement of the file location. "The files on that chip and the program that created it are there," he said quietly. "It's been super clammed up by the US government because the army was a shit problem." The agent snatched the phone to get into that file location to read them over. Then he groaned. Xander pointed. "That file's on the chip." He got into it and growled. Xander nodded. "Center of the box, yeah." He looked at them. "I'm just glad I spotted them."

"We are too," the other agent said, taking the phone to look at those things. "That's nasty."

"Nasty was they tortured the demons in ways that even horror fans are sickened by," Xander said. "They killed thousands by torture, and had fun doing it. As far as we know, the NSA and the NID sponsored them. They were sanitized when the team in Sunnydale shut it down, twice. Most of them are in Homeland Security or working for the UN on demon hunting teams. So no idea where they got that stuff from."

He took his phone back. "Our people made that drop file location. It should be good for today because we don't want to get into it with the US government for sharing it." They nodded, calling that in. It was all downloaded at the office and they found a link to what was going on. Xander grimaced. "Where's SHIELD? That's their shit," he muttered when he heard what was being called back.

"No clue," the first agent said with a grimace. "Any idea?"

"I know where to find one but they're in the US. I talked to one earlier to identify the box. Our State Department person got in touch with one. They should be here by now." He frowned, looking around. Then he called Waller back to update him. "It was the Initiative's shit. Andrew made the positive identification. No, none here, Waller. Yeah, that's a bad thing. Please. I did get them into the files on the chip and the overview of that program if someone bitches.

"Yeah, 'Drew made a single day's worth of file downloading. Please, if you hear from one. I'm pretty sure the locals would like to know too. Thanks, Waller." He hung up and sighed, looking at the agents. "I was here to get two new t-shirts and a pretzel for lunch." One smiled at him. "And I saw bulky chests and guys praying while walking." He rubbed his forehead. "At least it didn't come with a vision this time."

"Visions are bad?" the staring local officer asked.

"Visions come with a huge migraine," Xander said, looking at him. "It's like a movie preview in your head that only you can see, and it comes with a huge headache that nothing cures. Usually for days on end." The officer winced but nodded. "So this time I didn't have one. But damn."

The agents nodded, taking his information so he could go rest and report to his own higher ups. The guy looked stressed. This was much different than a portal opening and spilling out a group of demons.

***

Xander didn't even bother sneaking into the base. They had no guards. Someone was an idiot. He walked into the hidden SHIELD base that Fury was using and hit someone. "That's for not handling the HYDRA people that took Initiative bad ideas to use on humans! Why is it that *I* handled a terrorist yesterday and none of you showed up? Not even ten miles from here!" he shouted with a point. The agent backed up. "Damn, you're useless! Where the hell is Fury?"

"Out, sir," one reported, standing up straighter when Xander stared at him. "We don't know, sir. We did not hear anything about that!"

"They found the plot online! It was meant to draw agents there so they could break the local government's back! Are you that weak too?"

"Sir, we had no idea!" that one repeated.

"Who the fuck is in charge when Fury's off masturbating in a corner?"

"Um..." The two agents shared a look then looked toward the back area. "Let me get one," one said, running off.

Xander growled and followed, pulling the other agent with him. Yup, all lower agents who needed orders. Not a single higher up. "Fuck this shit! We're going to fix this problem, people!"

"We don't have orders, sir!" another agent complained.

"That's why *I* had to handle a terrorist action yesterday thanks to HYDRA brainwashing people. I'm pretty sure the local agents are mad about that. Don't you think HYDRA is your job, not theirs?" They nodded. "Then let's get on this, people! Now!" They ran to their desks to start looking it up. One of them groaned. Xander looked over. "Ya think?" he demanded.

"The one in the mall?"

"Yes! Was there another one?" Xander asked dryly.

"Planned but not carried out. Something set off the control device and they blew themselves up before they could be a danger," that agent said.

Xander growled. The agent ducked his head and got back to finding the HYDRA base to raid. The lower agents were clearly new, and weak, and dumb. So if he had to, he'd make them into someone who could handle problems so Xander didn't have to. Or anyone else. That was the purpose of SHIELD, not of watchers. He sighed and tapped his foot a few times. His arms got crossed over his chest.

Within twenty minutes they had the base located and Xander waved. "Let's go fix that problem. Alert the local agents that we're going to go visiting, without compromising the raid if they're listening." That got called in to a local contact and Xander made sure they all had guns, because two didn't think about grabbing one, and made them get into the van to go handle their own problems. They might be surveillance teams but they had to handle things sometimes when other agents weren't around.

When they got there, Xander got out first and the agents followed him. Xander grinned at the local agents, who were looking at him weirdly. "HYDRA is their job. Go with them, boys." He pointed. "They're local agents and have command." The local agents led in the SHIELD agents with Xander following behind. He got a few funny looks by the local agents but oh well. They could see why SHIELD had failed in their primary mission.

The newbies were learning what they needed to know about raiding a base. Xander found the armory and cooed as he petted something. "I'm confiscating a lot of this for upcoming battles." A local agent shot him a glare. "We have another ascended one coming up in six weeks. I need higher weapons. Not like your military gives me any." They nodded that was true so Xander got to claim the weapons with his dimensional storage device, which looked a lot like his spare eyepatch. When they ran into a few demons in holding Xander got one free and pointed. "Run. Go hide," he said gently. "Two of the others are summoned and evil, I'll get them back home." That demon limped off crying. "Let him go," he called. "He was a victim."

"We can make sure he gets to his own kind," a new agent coming in said.

Xander nodded. "He might appreciate that. Thanks. I need to send these ones home when we're clear." He looked at one, who shrugged. "Who summoned you again?"

"The agents here. They thought I'd give them gifts." He grinned. "They were tasty until they hit me with the lightening stick."

Xander nodded. "I can see that." He looked at the new agents. "The local guys took the SHIELD guys that way," he said with a point.

"Are you SHIELD, sir?" one asked.

"No, I'm Watcher Xander Harris. I had to help handle it in the mall and found out SHIELD didn't even think about HYDRA or leaving their cushy offices. They're a surveillance team." The lead agent winced. "So here they are, doing their jobs. If their higher ups want to bitch, let them come find me. I have a battle in three days, and one in six weeks. Which is why I claimed the armory."

"I'd hate to handle a demon emergency without higher weapons," one of the local ones said as he came back. "Thank you for making them handle their own problems."

Xander grinned and shot him in the head. "I hate skrulls." The now green body was on the floor. "See if they have others?" The new agents went to make sure. Xander looked at the demons, who all shrugged. Only two were really evil but even they didn't want involved in this. Xander got the two evil ones sent off first then the others before the agents came back. And one was still green. Xander stared at him. "Really?" It ran off.

The real agents came rushing back to stop them. Xander shook his head. "Aliens. Just as wacky as demons." The last demon being sent back laughed but waved a hand to expose all the skrulls. Xander grinned. "Thanks." He banished him and leaned against the bars. He sighed and let himself relax for a moment. The agents had it. Xander left, going back to his hotel to clean up and look over the weapons. He'd turn over anything that wasn't going to work.

He sent in a minimal report to Waller, who sent back 'I don't want to know and Rupert said good job on stopping it but he does not want to know either'. Xander grinned and made an official report that the local agents had handled the situation with HYDRA and he had confiscated weapons after sending back their demon hostages. Giles' answer back was 'I'm ignoring it until an agent asks'. So that was him covered unless someone got mad that he had led a unit of SHIELD agents.

Which meant he'd get to yell back about them not handling their own problems first.

***

Maria Hill, former second-in-command of SHIELD, got an alert from that hidden base that they had raided a HYDRA installation with the help of local agents. She asked for the report and they sent it. She read it slowly. Then a second time even more slowly. Then she tried a third time before calling her new director. She sent that over to him. "Does that say what I think it does?" she asked.

He read it, frowning. "It says they caught some agents that Fury was running sitting on their behinds watching news about things they should've stopped. I wonder who made them handle it." He looked at the screen. "Any idea? So I can go yell at that unit then talk to the local agent?"

She sent over the primary report. "I think a local agent. They're not named but local intelligence and military agents led the raid."

He read it, frowning as he rubbed his left eyebrow with his thumb. "I'll look into that. Maybe they're recruitable. They seem to have skills." He looked at the screen again. "Any other cheery news?"

"Where was Nick?"

"Amsterdam. He found a group of skrulls trying to take out EU politicians." He grimaced.

"Oh, great." She grimaced back. "Tell me if they're recruitable in any manner. I can probably find them a job if you can't."

"Of course. Have a better day." He hung up and took the report to his intelligence people. "Daisy, who did this?" he asked, handing over the report.

She looked then smiled up at him. She pulled up the interior video from that base. They all got to see what had happened. And who had done it. She grinned at him. "He seems to know what he was doing since he's the guy who called in about the box and helped stop the controlled ones."

Phil Coulson stared. "He's a kid without military or agent training. How did he do that?"

"He deals with weird, bad things all the time that're scarier than us?" she guessed. "If you can lead a field battle against a demon plane, you can probably bully agents into doing their jobs. They all looked like they were terrified he'd beat them all to death."

He nodded slowly. "I'm guessing that may be. Get a full report from them for me please?" He walked off considering that. He called Hill back once he had the video wrapped up to send her. "Here, from the internal video of that base." He hung up before she had unzipped and unlocked it. He knew she was going to be ranting for *hours*. He didn't need the headache from it, he had plenty from running SHIELD.

Maria Hill watched the video and seethed. Those agents were going to die by her hand on an archaic weapon. They really were. She called a few agents to the meeting room and sent the video up there. Stark was already up there, looking casually tense. Barton was sitting in the corner. Romanoff was in the other corner on the other side of the window in the room. Rogers walked in. "That incident at the mall in Sierra Leone was found to be HYDRA." They all stared at her, Rogers sitting down across from Stark. She put up video from the incident. "Anyone there look familiar?"

"The one that Harris shot was an agent from DC," Natasha said. "From records if I remember right." Hill stared at her then checked and nodded.

"Why?" Barton asked. "I heard that Harris called in about a box from that program their team ended. Something about a control chip."

"The local report states that," she agreed. Then she sighed and put up the other video. She got out of the way. "Apparently the hidden team down there was watching it on tv." At the end Stark was growling. Rogers was nodding slowly. "Apparently we had failed massively." She let the raid video that came in be seen by them all. "At least he turned it over to local agents and military staff but none of us are pleased. Only one agent was trying to look Harris up to see if he had any authority."

"Where was Fury?" Natasha asked.

"Amsterdam tracking down skrulls."

"They were newly hired, right?" Stark demanded dryly.

"Apparently," she agreed. "If we can find more on this, we can stop them. And stop Harris from having to handle it for us and making us look shitty."

"He had a good hand," Rogers admitted, leaning back in his seat. "I probably would've sworn more at the slackers."

Hill nodded. "I was thinking painful archaic weapons. Possibly a club." Barton grinned at her. "They're Fury's hidden team, and yes, they're probably new." He smirked and nodded. "Can you get him to give us a report?"

"I can call him. I know he's got a problem in a few weeks though. That's probably why he claimed the armory."

"I don't care about him having weapons at the moment. It's not like he's going to use them on civilian targets. Even if he does find more skrulls." Barton grinned again. Romanoff was sighing in displeasure. "Find the rest of them and make sure it's handled if the SHIELD team doesn't. Find that control system and stomp it into the dust, Stark."

"Get me the info on it?"

She nodded, sending that request over. It got sent back with the site that held the download. She let him have those. He growled at it. "I heard very little about that project beyond it was heinous."

"Putting it mildly," Stark said, handing her the tablet with a file pulled up. She watched it and had to hold down the dry heave. He took the tablet back. "That chip," he said, scanning that information and the schematics that was sent over from the one used. "Yeah, we can jam it but there's an implanted part and it seems to cause seizures in at least half of those found. They've found three and one nearly died of his, one had a few, and one didn't have any."

"Good. We can handle seizures," she ordered. She looked at Rogers, who was grimacing. "Problems with that?"

"I'd like to see what my army had done." Stark shoved over the tablet with that video pulled back up. Steve watched it and slowly his jaw clenched until you could hear his teeth grinding. "I see," he said finally, handing the tablet back. "Are they in jail?"

Hill shook her head. "No. Not all of them. There was a trial."

"Homeland," Romanoff told him. "UN demon hunting teams for problematic events. Though they will not back up Harris."

"He helped take them down," Barton said. "They knew they were wrong when they did it. They'd probably cause more problems." He and Natasha shared a look then he looked at Hill. "Can we handle them too?" he asked with a grin. "They don't need to be out wandering around."

"No, they don't," Steve agreed. "Can we get the rest of the records from them?"

"They're supposedly sealed," Hill said. "After the inquest it became eyes-only. It figures that they saved down all the information they could in case they ran into them restarting."

"In other words, ask the Council," Stark said. "They probably have some hidden in a closet."

Steve nodded. "I can do that. Is he going to get into trouble for that?"

"Could be," Hill admitted. "But we can mitigate some of it." Stark smirked at her and sent that full file to Pepper so she could help them handle it. She did media things so much better than they all did combined. Hill smirked at him. "Nice."

"Thanks."

"I'll try to head off any problems. Including from Nick Fury." She went to call her contacts to get the pressure off Harris. Not like he had signed anything saying he agreed to keep that secret. He wasn't an agent. The only one that might complain was Nick Fury but government people hated the Council. So when someone tried to say something, because someone in the higher ups of the administration heard about that raid, the Council released all the records on it to show where they had gotten that control box from. Including the videos of them inserting them into living victims, who mostly died from it. Even Fox News wouldn't run that full film and quit complaining about the raid being done by non-agents.

By that night, only the president and Nick Fury were complaining about that but the president got told to shut up by someone. Apparently he got reminded those sort of things weren't picked up on security checks with the way he ordered security people to check people for little boxes. Nick Fury....well, he was complaining so much someone handed him a cat to pet. The demon who had done it ran off before Fury could shoot it for that.

***

Phil Coulson made it to Africa. He had to talk to his former boss, and punch him in the nose a few times. He had to talk to Harris about things, and make him calm down. He nodded at the guard at the airport who was staring at him. It was clearly a partial demon. He paused beside him. "I'm sure you think I'm here to cause trouble. I'm not," he said quietly. "Though if you can find him I'd like to speak to Harris."

"You're in the wrong country for another week," the demon said with a slow nod. "And he'll probably be injured."

"That's fine, I can talk to him after that battle. Thank you for passing on that message for me." He grabbed his single bag he had been forced to check and went out to get a rental car, finding one waiting on him. Oh, yes, Nick Fury was getting a foot up his ass since it was an SUV instead of something sensible. He found Fury at the little tea shop, which an ad for had been left on his seat. He parked, got out, and went to sit across from his former boss. "This being in public will not save you from me hitting you, Nick."

Nick Fury glared at him. "You're doing fine."

"Doesn't mean I won't hit you," he assured him, adjusting his shirt. "Why weren't you aware of that HYDRA unit?"

"They were mostly hidden. I didn't have an agent to do much with the internet. I've fixed that since I had that jackass take over on me."

"He did the right thing," Coulson said. "We all agreed it was the right thing and he handed it over to people who should have been handling it when they got there." He stared at him. "He's been busy taking down skrull problems too I've heard." Fury nodded, drinking some coffee. "Good. It's good someone is." Fury glared again. Phil stared back. "Maria said hello as well."

"I talked to her last night until she started to nag."

"Hmm. Perhaps some is in order, Nick. You're acting like you're disjointed and unsure of your purpose."

"I know what I need to do."

"Yes, but is that good for SHIELD?"

Nick rolled his eye and drained his cup, putting it on the saucer. "Yes, it is."

"Fine. Then we have to break the back of this current plot line. They can't be allowed to keep those control systems."

"I've been trying. We got a good many and files on who they wanted to infect. So far we haven't found any others."

"Angola found two in their people yesterday." He handed over that file. Fury huffed but nodded. "Stark figured out how to jam them. Just in case we run into more of them. We've also convinced the president, again, that he didn't want to put Harris in charge of SHIELD." Fury shuddered. "Exactly." He smiled a tiny bit. "He did it very well though."

"I would've punched someone," Fury complained. Coulson gave him his most smug look. "I heard he's got a problem coming up."

"I asked a demon watching the airport to please set up a meeting for me with him afterward. Do I need to go train your new agents?"

"No, I stepped in and taught them better. Including to ask for identity papers on anyone trying to take charge." He stared at him. "I saw the internal films."

"I had it hacked. He did good. Your agents....we've fallen down the well that the FBI hasn't even found yet apparently."

"I'll have them trained better soon."

"Please do. The local agents?"

"Helped a lot and fixed all their problems during that raid. Harris took the weapons."

"Good. He's got another ascension coming up soon." Fury shuddered again. "Hopefully this time he'll be able to handle it easier than baiting and an hour of chopping off the head." He sipped his own coffee. "We need to know where your teams are going with things. That way I don't have to cross into their works."

"Agreed," he said, handing over a small notebook. Phil read it, nodding some, and then burned it in the ashtray on the table. "We can figure out how to handle the skrull invasion soon enough."

"Hellhounds and partial mixes with them can apparently tell them. Perhaps a K-9 unit?"

"Could help," he agreed, relaxing again. "How's your end of SHIELD?"

"Annoyed. The president tried to create new duties for us." He grimaced for a second then let it clear up. He looked at the demon staring at them. "Yes?" he asked.

"The knight said you'd have to travel to him. He's got to rescue one of his girls from someone before the battle, handle the battle, then head off to yell at her family probably right afterward if they're not both in the hospital." Phil Coulson nodded. "He should be by the second battle soon though."

"I can do that. How do people usually get hold of him?"

"The watcher in the embassy. Where Fred's daughter works."

"I can look that up. Thank you for passing on that message. Should I tip you?"

"No, you don't have a cat." He smirked as he wandered off into the foot traffic on the sidewalk.

"Interesting. Which embassy?" Nick Fury looked confused and shook his head. "Fine." He pulled out his phone to send someone a message. He got one back. "I can go to Under Ambassador Waller instead," he agreed. He put his phone back into his pocket and sipped the rest of his coffee. "You know, Harris has been fighting the idea that he'd like to be in charge of us. He did also suggest someone a bit more usual in the heroic sense. I'm told Mr. Wilson had a fit when he was told so he was warned that the president was looking his way."

"Wilson? Sam?" Fury asked.

"Wade." He put down his cup and some money then got up to walk off.

"Wade? Deadpool?" he demanded. Phil smirked a tiny bit as he got into the SUV to drive off. "Oh, god, SHIELD is going to fall again," he moaned, rubbing his forehead. Even Harris would be better than that.

***

Phil Coulson was let into the Under Secretary's office, nodding at his secretary. He shook the man's hand. "Watcher Waller, thank you for agreeing to see me today."

He stared at the younger man for a minute. "What has Harris done this time?" he asked, sitting back down.

"Nothing yet. I'm going to get information from him in the next few days hopefully. Once he's done rescuing one of your girls and fighting a hopefully short battle." He sat himself down, unbuttoning his jacket. "We at SHIELD had some questions. Nothing too classified of course." Waller nodded at that. "Is the girl he's rescuing all right and do we have needs to help get the girls to the US or some other safe country?"

"We have a few who have, and got complained at. Frankly, we let the coven handle that usually. It's just simpler. Much less paperwork."

Coulson smiled slightly and nodded. "That's reasonable and I'm not with Immigration so I don't personally care as long as the girls are healthy, happy, and able to grow up mostly normal."

"It is what Harris has planned."

"Good. I'm glad he sees more sense than a few of the older ones in Cleveland who got arrested the other day by CPS workers."

"I heard and Rupert did have a bloody fit," he said dryly, leaning back in his chair. This one was not the uptight agent sort he was used to from the State Department, but an agent who at least could pretend to care so he wasn't blunt or political. "We do need more people but we don't prefer former agents as sometimes their allegiances are questionable."

"I was going to talk to Harris about vetting some who wanted to help the girls with their battles and the like. I'm told he has the most capable radar of idiocy that you all have."

"He does, yes. They tend to want to date him," Waller said dryly, smirking some. "That may be quite helpful though. I'll send a note back to Rupert tonight about it so he can warn Xander that you're looking for him."

"Please. I've sent a request through the demon network but they said it'll be a few weeks after that upcoming battle." He shifted his jacket some. "We've intercepted information from a few other agencies that you're blatantly ignoring a slayer important archeological site?"

"I have no idea about that."

"Something about a cave? They were planning on sending someone who wasn't called to duty because of her age."

"I...." He picked up his cellphone to text Xander. Who sent back the file on it. He scanned it and winced. "No, doing so might end the whole slayer line apparently. There's warnings on the walls to not let any later slayers enter the cave." He looked up. "If I may ask, who?"

"My people have intercepted two different plans. One by the FBI, the other by some of your research teams." Waller winced and sent a warning to Rupert, who promised he'd have them recalled to the main building and that he'd talk to Xander about it. Coulson smiled slightly again at that. "If they can't stop them, how can we at SHIELD help you protect the girls?"

"If what's written is true, then it's possible it'll kill all the marked slayers." He put his phone down. "Rupert will be having words with someone. I might like to destroy it but I have no idea how bad it'll be to do so. I'll definitely ask the boy later."

"I had the same agent hack the files on that report, before she told me it was a plot, and the information on it was a bit skimpy. Clearly Watcher Harris isn't an archeo person. I have one that had that as their minor and they drooled and moaned at the file when that agent showed them before she showed me."

Waller smiled at him. "I know that sort of infrastructure problem. We seem to have the same one."

"Which may be why the US president wanted to put your watcher in charge of my agency. We've all discouraged it, especially Mr. Harris, but the man is focused on it. My profilers think that he'd never take it unless it would protect your girls."

"That sounds like something the boy would do," he agreed, frowning some. "Does he know that?"

"Yes and he's tried to divert it a few times, including naming someone else who has more experience in the way SHIELD used to work." He grimaced. "That one went on a drinking binge and had to be chained down for a few days until he calmed down. He's done good getting the attention off himself, and we're all thankful for that, but we do need to work with him on things. We know he's done good work down here.

"We do like how he's had to handle things for the most part. Including telling people about that classified control chip so we can stop it for them. And if I find more of those soldiers I'm going to put them into a real jail. The President was...amused until we pointed out what that meant and how it happened. Then he agreed they need to be retired."

"From what little I know of it, it's best if they were under the jail."

"We fully agree with that," Coulson said with a nod. "Most of my people would adore doing that job." He shifted to cross his feet again. "We did want to talk to him about how he found that one base so he could berate and fix our shoddy new agent team after that incident in the mall."

Waller held up a hand. "Rupert and I have both agreed that we do not care to know about that incident unless it becomes a political nightmare."

"No, I don't believe it should be. The actual head of that unit threw a fit but that was his own fault for not leaving someone decent in charge when he went on assignment. Your watcher handled himself well. He ceded the lead when appropriate agents did show up. He did a good job. We're mostly not mad at that at all but we were wondering how he found that base."

Waller asked that via text message and got one back that made him snort with amusement. "He said the poker circuit in the area told him." He smirked at the agent across from him. "They were most helpful."

"I'm sure they were. They seem to be in the areas they congregate and have hunters nearby. Do you think he could hook one of my people, or myself, into the circuit?"

"You'd have to learn to play kitten poker," Waller said with a slight shrug. "I know Xander does play very well for information and occasionally weapons."

"That is something a few have wondered about but frankly, as long as they're not used on humans, it's not my job. That's the job of the ATF."

Waller nodded. "That's reasonable. I know the circuit locally won't usually let someone non-associated with the demonic community join."

"I have a few agents who're partial demons. They're some of my most trustworthy people. I'll have to ask them if they feel comfortable joining." He looked behind him at the door when someone yelped. "Door accident?"

"Probably her brother. He's shown up a few times to nag her since her father showed up to nag her about her clothing choices." The next yelp was more male sounding but then someone started to swear. "That may be a problem." He got up and Coulson followed, hand near his gun. "People, we're being loud," he noted. He saw the problem right away. "Is that why you yelped?" he asked his secretary. She nodded. "No emergency button?"

"Not near it, sir."

"Hmm. Boy, I'm Watchers Council. Watch me call something here to eat you."

"You can't do that," the thug with the gun sneered. And then Fred, the secretary's dad, showed up to grab him through a window so they could talk. "What the hell!" he screamed.

"Daddy, he didn't hurt anyone but one of the guards," she called out the window. "But thank you!" She went to check on the guard. "Just knocked out, Undersecretary Waller."

"Thank you. Get him an ambulance of course. Make the appropriate reports as well and let me know how I can thank your father for that bit of saving." He went back to his office, frowning some as he texted Xander, who said he'd thank Fred too. "Well, that was exciting," he stated as he sat back down.

Coulson looked out there then at him. "I can pass information or a report back to the State Department if you need me to."

"I can do that. It'll save us sending it by courier. It's not common but the next country does have a few issues that're starting to leak over."

Coulson nodded. "We can gladly send on a report for you. What would Harris have done?"

"Probably used a demon gas snot grenade to knock him out, then tied him up in a closet until someone came looking for him." He grimaced. "He's done it a few times in other stressful situations."

"I would like to look at anything like that. It could be quite handy in the field or against the Skrulls that we've had to handle recently."

"We at the Council would *adore* Harris not dealing with aliens. It's giving the girls odd ideas about their duties."

Coulson smiled. "My lower agents as well but someone had to handle it and we weren't told. Now that we know, we're most interested in taking that duty from him as well."

Waller smiled. "I think we can agree it'd be a better idea for your people to do it than ours. I'll have him hand over all his information when you two meet after that battle?"

"That would be reasonable. Thank you." He stood up and shook his hand. "The other files on that vile little group?"

"That was a Sunnydale issue. You'd have to talk to one of them yourself. I have no idea if they saved down anything or not."

"We can do that. We're meeting with Harris anyway. Thank you for your time." He handed over his card. "Email me that report later and I'll have it walked over."

"Thank you, Director Coulson." Phil nodded and left, going to the nearest safehouse to call in. The report showed up an hour later so he sent it to an agent in DC to walk over.

***

In Washington, DC, Natasha Romanoff had lost the card game so she was handing over a report. She went to the State Department, getting a few horrified looks. "I have a report from an incident at a US embassy in Africa," she told the receptionist. "There was nearly an attack but it was handled by one of ours." She called that to someone and an agent came to get her. She got through the security station and she went up with them.

"One of ours was talking with one of yours in an African embassy when a problem showed up to threaten them. I'm handing on the report for them." The agent nodded, taking her to his supervisor, who was about fifth in charge of the local office and a hiding HYDRA agent. She stared at him until he tipped his head slightly to acknowledge she knew about him but he was so far down the list because he wasn't doing anything noticeably wrong yet. "Report from an African embassy that nearly got shot up?" He winced but took the report to read then nodded. "You'll pass it up for the director?"

"I can do that." He stared at her. "Why did you have to bring it?"

"I was closest." She stared at him. "Our director was there to talk about some needed information. Thankfully someone's father was hanging around and she was at least partially demonic. The demon apparently paid off a poker debt with the one who he captured."

"That's freaky stuff we don't like to admit exist, Agent Romanoff." She smiled and tipped her head slightly. "But I'll send this up so others can have heartburn. Which embassy?"

"Undersecretary Waller is in charge."

"Oh, I've heard about him. Thank you for the delivery." She nodded and left. She clearly needed to look up that watcher down there in case she had to run into him during a problem. He took it upstairs to the director's office, letting him have it and the bottle of tums on his desk together. Then the hiding agent went back to his office to report to his other bosses. They were amused at that incident and weren't going to do more than celebrate the staff handling it themselves.

The Secretary of State read the report while chewing a tums. "Well, that's weird but interesting." He called Waller to talk to him about what had happened. What he got made him amused but happy they had handled it themselves. He agreed they could reward that one demon for his help. He wouldn't remark on having a partial demon on staff since she seemed so helpful but he would be checking her security clearance just in case.

***

Director Coulson fired off the large weapon he had grabbed from the safe house's armory when the battle tried to get near it. The demon stared at him, making him suddenly fear for his life. He had never felt that afraid in his life and he had seen some almighty evil beings in his career. "Must be a demonic power," he decided and fired off the weapon again. The demon worm reared back and screamed.

"Hey, you can talk," Harris quipped then fired off his own. "Hit behind the blue band!" he yelled. "That's the head before it! It has to come off!"

"Got it," he called back and fired. Then there was a sorcerer standing next to him and huffing before firing a spell at the demon worm. "Blue band, Sorcerer."

"I can do such," he agreed and called up more power to try to immobilize the head for a few minutes. Harris hit the neck again and it mostly severed. Coulson's weapon took it the rest of the way off. The 'helping' military cheered and came to make sure the head was off and it was burned for them. He let his magic go, staring at the man next to him. "Watcher?"

"Director Coulson of SHIELD," he said, holding out a hand with a tiny smirk.

"Sorcerer Supreme Strange," he said back, shaking the hand. Xander stretched with a wince as he limped over. "You should probably get some medical attention, Watcher."

"I'm Xander, Sorcerer, and yeah, I'll get some later when I do my stitches. They hate that I got exposed to demon blood way back when." He winced as he moved his arms. He looked at the other guy. "Three beings texted me that you wanted a meeting. Why?"

"A few reasons. We'd like to finish handling the skrull threat for you. We have a few former agents who'd like to become watchers. We need the rest of the information on the Initiative to send them to real jail."

"Please do, because I hate that I keep running into them. We don't really trust agents because of their former vows to your kind getting in the way, and let the girls kidnap them first a few times before battles to make sure they can handle it. Ask Willow," he answered with a smirk.

"I've had an agent go ask her, and they have gotten a lot of information from her closets. Apparently Miss Rosenburg said that now she could store her shoes on the floor again." Xander grinned and nodded then winced and held his neck. "The few that get ...kidnaped the night before a large battle? Two of them are in that group and I can volunteer the rest to make sure they have the right responses down. I know you're down on hiring due to the subject matter you deal with and I know you're equally adamant not to hire anyone who wouldn't be good to the girls." Xander nodded, still rubbing his neck. "When SHIELD fell, the skrull threat got pushed onto the FBI's back and they snorted about aliens."

"So did I until one showed up before a battle and stunk like soured Axe body spray. Then I had to shoot him and go find the person he had taken the place of. I hated rescuing politicians." He frowned.

Coulson smiled. "So do we, Mr. Harris. Also, thank you for turning down the president's ideas."

"I don't know what sort of funky drugs he took when he was battling his version of Vietnam by not getting VD from the models he was molesting, but it's clear they did bad things to his brain. I'm not agent material." He put his arm down, moaning a bit when his shoulder ached and popped. "Sorry, time for a hot shower."

Strange pulled him closer to look at his shoulder and neck. "You're out of alignment and have pulled muscles."

"I figured I did. I slept in my truck last night." He grimaced. "Kinda necessary. The inn didn't want me here because the former demon worm bribed them. But thanks." He grinned slightly. Willow suddenly appeared and blinked, staring at the mess. "Weapons good," he called. "It's handled, Willow."

She made a squeaky noise and pointed. "How?" she squeaked.

Xander picked up his weapon to show her with a grin. "I rescued this poor baby from HYDRA." She moaned and slumped. "This one does look different than the others we've seen." She stomped over to take pictures of it with her phone. He looked at the sorcerer. "Hide," he mouthed. "Before she spots you and realizes you're you."

"We've met," he admitted sarcastically. "She is most unusual when I compare her against the other magic users I know."

Xander suddenly turned. "Willow, that's Nairobi's hellmouth!" he bellowed. "Leave it alone! It's got people around it and it opens easily as an immigration point! Don't you dare make us have a battle after the last one!" Xander was fumbling with his phone. Coulson took it to text to any number that had Nairobi after it. Xander nodded his thanks. "Willow, I mean it!" She glared and waved at him. He braced himself for the wash of magic. Strange hit her back and she fled. Xander relaxed, holding his stomach with his free hand. "I have no idea but sometimes I want to spank."

Strange patted him on the back. "Go get proper medical attention, Harris. Let me spank her. It's part of my duty after all." He waved and created a portal, heading after the rogue witch.

Coulson helped the boy over to the medics waiting and staring. "The sorcerer that showed up to help said he's got a sprained shoulder, his neck and shoulders are out of alignment, and then Rosenburg sent magic at him that made his stomach ache." He looked at Harris. "We can talk over dinner at the safehouse later, Harris." He left to clean up and make his own report. His people were going to freak out. May would probably even screech at him for being in that battle.

They nodded, taking him to check over. They were very delicate with him and made sure they didn't come in contact with any of his blood.

***

The present AI at the avengers compound cleared her throat. "Sir?"

"Yeah, FRIDAY?" Tony Stark asked while he worked on a new design of a shield. The news report came up on a virtual screen. He stared, frowning at it. "That's...Coulson," he said. "Huh. And a really nasty looking demon. Show the others?"

"I will. I was not sure of the others' reception, sir."

"It should be fine. If they throw a fit at him, he probably deserves it."

"Yes, sir." The AI cleared her throat in the living room where most everyone was talking about something, putting up the news broadcast on a bigger screen.

Clint Barton stared then burst out laughing. "Yeah, that's good."

Natasha looked at him. "Why was he even over there?"

"That's near a safe house," he told her. "I had to rest a sprained ankle there for a few nights." They were all watching as the sorcerer got there. Then Rosenburg. Who then got driven off after trying to magic the watcher guy and others. "Oh, well," he sighed, still smiling. "Someone will have a talk with her I'm sure."

"Some communities are thinking all redheads with powers are a problem, or so she told Wanda," Pietro said, leaning back to watch the battle replay. "They were making resolutions to end any redhead with powers."

Natasha looked at him. "Thankfully I do not have magic."

He grinned at her. "Are you certain?"

"I never have in the past," she admitted then smirked at Clint.

"With the way you get out of being tied up, are you certain, Nat?" he quipped with a grin for her. "We'd hate for you to turn into Rosenburg."

"I have more style than a fluffy, cutesy, glittery sweater," she said dryly, scowling at him. He just grinned more brightly. "Do your children?"

"Fuck no. Laura said even if they do, they're going to be doing the right things the right way with training. Not like Rosenburg."

"I hope she manages it. I looked up her parents. Those books that one SHIELD therapist used to tout before someone beat him with them for their wrong-minded ideas? That's her parents."

Clint raised an eyebrow. "Well, that explains a lot," he shot back then shook his head quickly.

The AI changed the news broadcast. A demon ran into the medical tent but Harris came out with it pulling on his arm and pointing. He looked, borrowing some binoculars from a soldier's jeep. Then he swore and started to yell orders about the thing coming in following a goddess, who was fleeing it. "That has to be really bad," Clint said, frowning as he watched. Coulson wasn't that far away so he showed up to help protect the goddess. The demon trying to eat her sneered she was his because he was going to conquer her. And no mere, puny human could handle his might.

So Xander pulled out his favorite axe and lunged at the demon, making it laugh. Until Xander cut it then sneered and spit on it. Then the battle was on. A few of the soldiers stepped in with machetes but Xander was clearly using a blessed weapon. Then Thor landed and hit the demon, which made him stumble but not do more than whine. Xander shouted something and Thor nodded. Xander hit him while Thor distracted him with some lightening from another blow. Xander got shoved out of the way with a 'let the gods handle this, puny human,' and attacked Thor. Xander got up holding his side but got the demon's spine from behind while he was busy. The demon screamed and flailed, knocking Thor down, but he did die at Thor's next blow.

Thor looked at the human. "You do good for a Midgardian, boy."

Xander smirked at him. "I know who you are, Thor," he said in Norse. Thor blinked a few times, looking surprised. "I dated a woman from your people." He bowed a tiny bit, trying to hide the wince. "Thank you for your help. Goddess D'nar, are you all right?" he called.

"I...I couldn't take him out. I'm a fertility goddess, I don't have any warriors or a blessed weapon right now." She came over to hug Xander. "Oh, dear. You're magic poisoned and injured, dear. Thank you, Xander." She nuzzled his cheek. "People, he needs medical attention. He's magic poisoned and his insides are bleeding!" Medics came rushing over to gather him to take back to the medical tent. She sighed, looking at Thor. "Thank you for saving my honor, Lord Thor."

He smiled. "You're most welcome, Lady D'Nar. Are you down here now?" She nodded. "I wish your garden much prettiness and you much peace."

"Thank you, Lord Thor." She bowed and looked at the other human. "You are most brave. Like Xander is. We appreciate such services. Let me know if I can help you in some way, human." She disappeared with a sigh.

Thor looked at him. "How?"

"Fury. The mists and other less nice things."

Thor blinked a few times. "That's nasty and wrong by all natural laws."

"Not my choice." He put his hands in his pockets. "How are you, Thor? And Jane?"

"We have parted ways," he admitted but he was smiling. "She is more happy among the stars than with me by her side."

He nodded. "Scientists can be that way. I'm sorry to hear about your breakup though."

"I still talk to Lady Darcy muchly, Son of Coul. Yourself?"

"No, I haven't seen her in years. I got put in control and I don't have time."

"Time is short for your people. You should make more use of it. You look tired." Coulson nodded at that. "Let me see if that human needs help. He was quite a warrior."

"He's the watcher over the girls down here. He's one of the reasons things changed so they were better for the girls."

Thor nodded. "I have heard much of the battle maidens and how they now have support and battle help. I like it much more than what it had been."

Coulson nodded. "I know some agents who want to help the girls by doing the same job." He looked around then at him. "They may need lessons in how to use a sword though." Thor smirked at him. "The others are at the new campus."

"I shall go there. You should go be safer. Before others spot you. I can see cameras."

"This was the second battle, Thor. I doubt that hasn't already happened." Then he sighed. "You go be safe and tell people I said hi." He shook his hand and walked off. One of the generals stopped him to ask him something quietly so Phil handed over a business card, getting a moan from the general. Phil nodded but got let go so he could go rest after the battles.

Thor shook his head. "Things are very weird. Almost like those shows that have operas of soap that Lady Darcy showed me. Even worse than the Asgardian court was before." He flew off.

The general looked at the cameras and had people drive off the reporters. He didn't need more of this today and hopefully there wouldn't be a third battle. His people could burn that one body, but leave the head so they could have it mounted for later generations to learn from. Then he went to nag the boy about being so injured. Someone had to remind him that you had to use bigger weapons than a battle axe apparently.

Clint shook his head, looking at Natasha. "I'm wondering how he knew whatever language that was and what he said that made Thor look amused that way."

"It sounded something like Swedish," Pietro offered. "I want to know how he uses a battle axe that way."

"Not why?" Natasha asked him.

"No. I figured it was the only thing that would work." He frowned.

"If we run into him you can ask," Sam Wilson said from his seat. Steve, sitting next to him, nodded at that. "I've met the boy and he's kinda deeper than I thought but also sarcastic and still fairly tired sounding. Like he could really use a vacation."

"He doesn't get any," Clint agreed. "He went down there to grieve an ex girlfriend and ended up handling things." He shrugged. Sam nodded he understood that. "The demon poker circuit was very amused by him too."

"You played in their poker circuit?" Natasha asked, frowning at him.

"I was playing in the circuit up here way back when. Apparently Harris heard about me when he joined out in Sunnydale." She looked so confused. "He even recommended me to a local guy who is in the circuit and handles therapy for people like us who can't go to a regular one."

"Who?" Sam asked.

"Abel Corrisander."

"I've heard about him. He's been there and done that and can talk down people who've been doing it too long too." He nodded a bit. "He sounds like he's good at it too."

"That's what Xander said too when I met him before a wedding he was guarding."

"Guarding?" Steve asked.

"Yeah. Humans decided it was evil of them to marry in their own church." Steve grimaced. "He stopped the few guys going to attack but let the local PD handle them after he stopped them. Xander's apparently the guy that will stand in front of a problem and dare it to try him. He did then. Made a Game of Thrones quip too."

"Summers is said to do the same thing during battles. They probably learned it off each other," Natasha said. "How did he know about you?"

He stared at her then grinned suddenly. "Remember those comic books?" She shuddered. "Yeah. Apparently I was the one he looked up to." He shrugged but stayed smiling. "I can appreciate that in the guy who handles things so we don't have to."

Pietro nodded. "I would've shit myself during that battle," he said dryly. "I am not meant for that sort of battle."

"If we run into one again we'll let you figure it out," Clint said, staring at him. "There's always using your speed to evacuate people who're injured during it."

"True, and I can see using it that way. Or using it to sneak up and sabotage something. I can't see me with a sword in front of a huge field of demons."

Clint nodded. "I'd want higher weapons too. Hey, FRIDAY?" he called. "Do we have more footage from his other battles?"

"Let me check what has been shown," the AI said. "Sir has hacked a few. SHIELD has a few as well." She put them up so they could watch them. Including the one from the cemetery that made Steve huff.

Pietro was frowning at the end. "He's nuts."

"Yup," Clint said with a nod. "Heroically nuts."

"He reminds me of some agents we used to work with. And Coulson," Natasha said quietly. "The world will miss him when people don't back him up when he asks some day soon."

"Shouldn't we have been called in on some of those?" Steve asked.

"Were you reachable?" Sam asked him.

"Um, well.... Tony could've."

"Why weren't SHIELD agents there?" Natasha countered. "That's our sort of job yet not even the splinter groups showed up. Or the UN hunting teams. Or more of the regional military?"

"People like to ignore weird things," Clint reminded her. "That's why we get ignored in the most obvious ways."

"True. If we were closer we could fall in for those."

Sam Wilson cleared his throat. "I've talked to a few people. When the girls over here are about to have a huge battle, they have some agents they basically kidnap the night before so they can tell their people how to jump in. Because the higher ups in those agencies don't like to hear about battles. Their bosses all know when a young woman shows up to kidnap him for the night they're about to have a battle nearby. The guys apparently do big brother nagging that night while gathering intel on what's going to happen."

"Any in SHIELD?" Clint asked. Sam shook his head. "That'll change." He found a number in his phone. "Hey, lady," he said when the lady answered. "When the slayers need to kidnap an agent to get help for a battle, can you start jumping in so they can warn us too? We'd like to help, Bobbi. No one tells us so we have to hear on the news. Apparently the girls kidnap a few agents to let them know what's going to happen the night before. Yeah, please do, and let us know too please?

"Oh, I saw. No, was just on the news, Bobbi. Two battles back-to-back. Yeah, there." He shifted to cross his feet. "Thanks. Yeah, we'd love to know so we can help. Battles like that are our job, and we want to back up the girls but no one tells us. Thanks." He hung up. "She'll go tell a slayer who to kidnap among former SHIELD agents so we'll start hearing." She nodded at that. "Though she did say she wanted to volunteer to take the training to help the girls. No one's letting anyone do that right now."

"Because agents can be pulled back by their agencies," Sam agreed. "And some have been used to try to capture a few younger slayers." Clint grimaced but nodded at that.

"HYDRA would want one?" Pietro asked.

"No. They know it's mystical that gets them gifted," Clint said. "I asked a contact and he said that they knew about one earlier, and HYDRA does not want the girls to lose a battle so therefore they are not going to interfere. Harris they hate like hell for handling things but they don't want him to lose a battle either."

"I've heard rumors that they have a specific unit to train for those incidences," Pietro told them. "Specifically to take over for the girls when they loose too many." They all stared at him. He gave a one-sided shrug and grinned. "I have no idea if they have learned sword work or not. Or how to use an axe like that one's. I know the unit is small but even a few could help sometimes."

"Slayer battle orders say that anyone can jump in and help but should not bother the girls or try to take control of them unless it's field command orders to move them around," Sam said. "I asked a few of the agents that get to jump in. They don't care who jumps in but they are not to upset the girls or try to take them. A few have tried to take control battle control and the girls basically tripped him and walked over him to handle it because he was being a *man* and annoying them according to the girls."

Natasha nodded once, looking at Clint.

"No, I'd never take control on the girls. Give field orders that something was coming, a few to branch off to take a side instead of a frontal assault, something like that, but they're not under my command. Do they have battle experienced people?" Sam pointed at the tv. "Seriously?"

"Their agent in the armory has some limited training but no. Most of the agents with real battle experience have been problematic so they don't let agents hire on. That and they hate the army." Sam shifted to cross his feet. "The Australian girls get help forced on them by a military unit that backs that house up. They act like really strict big brothers who will beat up on boys that're disrespectful but will tease the girls about their hairstyles. Harris apparently just rolls his eyes and tells the girls to knock them down and sit on them if they get too annoying."

"The girls in Germany are not really supported by locals but anytime they have to handle a bigger situation than patrols or a small bit of vampires someone from Interpol shows up to watch their backs and do the paperwork," Natasha said. "I'd assume the ones in France and England get about the same."

Clint smirked, shaking his head. "Nope. England's girls, all the UK girls, have an agent in the house that acts like a house mom. She's there to nag about dirty rooms, doing laundry, dating dickheads, all that stuff. She's like Slayer Mom to Harris' big brother act. If the girls have something serious she calls people for the girls."

"Most young women could use a sensible older role model," Natasha agreed. "Is she overbearing?"

"Nah. The one time she was, MI-6 said that the girls tied her up in the closet and went to the zoo then clubbing," Clint grinned at her. "They came home with a few orphaned strays and a new tattoo. She worked it out with them."

"My mother would've yelled more about the tattoos than the new pets," Sam said. "She'd scream for weeks about the new tattoos."

"In my day, tattoos were for sailors to show they had been somewhere," Steve said, frowning some. "Now they're sometimes artwork and sometimes meaningful. I prefer meaningful ones personally." The others nodded they could agree with that. "And not face tattoos unless it's something tribal you grew up with."

"That is a good idea," Natasha agreed. "Most face tattoos are proof of bad decision making. I prefer them to be more private. Sleeves I don't usually really like but having a chest full and a back full? I'm fine with that. The teenage girl who had started ritual scarification....when I asked her she had no idea that it was cultural to a certain group of peoples in Africa. She thought it was a cool part of body modification." She grimaced. "She was not amused and told her friends, who all grimaced at her for being appropriating." She smiled slightly. "Hopefully she'll have it undone."

"Nat, with the way some people split their tongues, I'm more worried about those body modification people's mental states."

Steve cleared his throat. "I made the mistake of looking that up to see why they did that and found people that split other things." He shuddered.

Sam gave him a strange look. "What else did they split?"

Pietro smirked at him. "I met one who split his dick that way. Down the middle about halfway so he had two halves side-by-side. He said he debated for a while about doing it top and bottom but he liked the look this way better."

Sam shuddered, curling up around his lap. "Seriously, man?"

"Yeah, that's what I ran into online," Steve said, grimacing again. "His was side-by-side too. And guys who had tattoos there. And one that had those jewels that aren't quite piercings but just studs stuck into the skin. Oh, and the one guy that had a whole diorama of Puff the magic dragon and it faded back to Eastern beliefs behind."

Sam hugged himself, shaking his head quickly. "Some people don't respect themselves! Ewww!"

Steve grinned. "I shared that with Bucky. He sent back that someone needed mental help too. He shared it with a warrior that was checking on him and she said that he's brave but mind damaged and clearly needed help."

"Ya think?" Sam complained. He looked at the tv, showing a different battle. "That's almost worse to my mind." He got up to get a drink and get something to clear his mind.

"I don't think I could keep a straight face if I ran into a penis tattoo," Natasha admitted. "Even on assignment." She got up, walking off shaking her head. Clint was grinning at that but he was a man, and they were like that sometimes.

***

You must login (register) to review.