Quit Wishing! by voracity

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Author's Chapter Notes:

Happy Thanksgiving.

Xander nodded for the witch he was working with to summon Rupert Giles, who had been nagging him for weeks that they didn't use higher weapons and no one really needed them. Xander pointed at the demon trying to blow up his ego so he could attack them. "This is a mild thing that we've handled this month, Giles. If you want to use a sword against it...." He grinned and handed him one. "You have fun with that."

Giles stared then blinked a few times. He licked his lips. "That being actually takes magic to attack it." Xander handed over his phone, open to a spell site. "I loathe those things."

"Not like *I* use magic, Giles. Do we want me to take up magic?"

"No!" he said quickly, shaking his head as he looked up the spell. He looked at the witch next to him, who had a spell but it wasn't the right one. "No, that works against his siblings but not him as he was blessed by a higher being."

"Who showed up last night," Xander quipped, leaning against his truck. "They tried to get tribute and we refused and had to blow his head off. So now his protege and godson is here to avenge him. Because I couldn't behead him with my axe." He stared at him. "Do you still think we don't need higher weapons down here, Giles?"

"No, I believe that the military should have them."

"The US designers won't sell to them. Hell, the Russians won't sell to them, Giles. So it's all from confiscating things or begging another country to bum some." He stared at him. Then waved a hand when the demon let out a bellow. "You or me with the magic, Giles? The phone's shielded against Rosenburg too so don't worry about that part."

Giles scowled but cast the spell with the witches backing him up to take out the demon. It removed his blessings, so he wasn't immortal any more. Then Xander had to rush off to stop the baby slayer with a small wood axe. And yell at her mother apparently. Rupert looked at the military witches, then shook his head. "Is it always like this?"

"This is pretty mild," a colonel said as he walked over. "Xander warned us this was going to be an idiot son. We don't usually have the medium level weapons to handle it. If they won't fall to guns or tanks or planes, we're fairly worried. Thankfully your watcher can talk to weapons people we can't without arresting them." He looked back at the demon screaming in pain. "I hate it when he uses his axe. He gets injured and our medics hate to treat him." Then a warrior showed up and used her staff weapon on the demon, which blew off the head. He grinned at her. "Thank you, Lady of Wakanda!"

"You're most welcome," she called back. "Watcher Harris, our king was most upset by this."

"Not like you guys vowed to the ancient being who thought he was a god last night."

"No," she agreed. "Thankfully they are not in our deities. Our king is mad that no one tells us about these."

"I let you guys copy the books. I can come run lessons but it'll take a few weeks. Which means I almost get a vacation while teaching and letting you guys handle some swords." He grinned.

She snorted. "Swords are being made for us just in case we need one, as well as a few silver plated weapons just in case." She leaned on her staff. "Can we have a slayer to come train with our warriors?"

"Yeah. Giles, can one of the girls that has class, sense, and skills come spar with the warriors in Wakanda? Who, by the way, can kick all our asses without sweating?"

Giles took off his glasses. "I would not mind if they did. Would Faith do good?"

"She doesn't train well but Kara does," Xander countered. "And she likes warm places."

"True. She's also healing a sprained ankle at the moment so it would be a good thing." He looked at Xander's phone and used it to call home. "Oh, Perkins. Yes, it is Rupert. Xander had me summoned to talk about the need for bigger weapons. Please tell Kara to call Xander later on to talk about coming down to help train some warriors in Wakanda about demons. Yes, I'm serious. Because according to Xander, they can kick everyone's rearend and not even sweat. He suggested her. Thank you." He hung up and sighed then sent a spell at the demon trying to reform. It finished dying as its insides liquified. Xander just grinned at him. "What would you have used instead?" Xander pointed at the tank. "That's a bit strong."

"Not like we have more and I can't afford something in the right size class, Giles. Especially not with my paycheck usually being at least a week later than it should be. If I get it at all. By the way, you now owe me for a month's worth of paychecks." He gave him a pointed look then went to nag the baby slayer and mother, with the warrior following him to help. He grinned at her. "She demanded her mother bring her."

"That's brave of her but she's too damn young," the warrior told the little girl.

"I'm a slayer."

The warrior smiled. "I'm a Warrior and Guardian of Wakanda. You're too young." The girl pouted but slumped. "That is adult women work, and for Watcher Harris to do. Not for young girls to do."

"I can help."

"No you can't," Xander quipped. "Not until you're at least seventeen." That got a bigger pout. "Tough. You knew that before you did it."

"You weren't handling it," she pouted. "The news people said so." Xander pointed. "Is that Mr. Giles?" He nodded. "Why is he here?"

"Because he didn't want me to buy bigger weapons," he said dryly.

"Ohhhhh." She looked at her mother then at the warrior. "Can some of us who are slayers-to-be come train with your people?"

She leaned down, still smiling. "When you're older you can ask. You can't start training with our trainers until you are sixteen at least." The girl huffed but nodded she understood that. "Then we may allow it. Depending on what's going on in the world." She patted her on the head. "Remember, you still have time to play and be a girl. At my age, dolls sit on a shelf to be admired and blocks aren't really appreciated. Though one of us does build lego castles in her off-hours." She straightened up. "You will be a fine warrior some day."

"I know," she huffed. "Someday I'll be a big slayer and Xander will only back me up instead of nag me." Xander tweaked her ear, getting swatted for it. "Fine. Let me go talk to Mr. Giles about weapons things." She grinned at the warrior woman. "We need to know more about you so you can be icons to the little slayers. They need more role models because you don't dress like Slayer Buffy or Slayer Faith and you guys apparently all like school stuff too." She ran over to babble at Giles.

Xander grinned. "Thanks. Sometimes...." He waved a hand in the air, getting a laugh and a nod. He shook her hand. "Thank you for the battle help as well. Call on me if you need me."

She nodded. "We will. I should get back to the diplomatic dinner we have to suffer through tonight." She walked off after nodding at the colonel and Giles too.

Xander strolled back over there, picking up the baby slayer to look at. "You're two years too young to get your training sword. You have to be big enough that I can't pick you up anymore." He put her down when she scowled. He grinned at her. "Ten."

"Fine," she sighed. "I'm always too little."

"Hey, that means you can play for longer," Xander quipped with a grin for her. "A lot of playing hours instead of working out and training hours."

"Good point." She ran to her mother then came back to give Xander a hug around the waist before running back to her mother again. Her mother walked her off talking to her. Xander looked at Giles, who sighed but nodded.

"It is probably easier when you do have weapons but we do not have a weapons budget. You're the only one that needs to buy your own."

"Asia pretty well takes care of their own demons, and most of them have to be banished or magicked. Central and South America's demons are mostly gotten by the drug cartel sorts because they use them as food to solve problems. Down here, we have a diverse demon base but a lot of them aren't good sorts. And we have a lot of ancient ones who hid from the colonizing assholes. Thankfully I'm not one of those so they come to flirt with me." He looked at one, who just grinned and wiggled her fingers. "And sometimes feeds me tea with painkillers."

Giles looked at the waiting demoness. "How did you hear about Xander?" he asked politely.

"Your higher ups bragged about how he changed Anyanka so much," she cooed, reaching over to tease Xander's hair.

He looked at her. "I'm sweaty, sorry."

"It's all right, Xander. You're still cute when you're all sweaty." She smiled at Giles. "Many of us would adore owning him."

"I can't let anyone own the boy. No one else seems able to get down here to protect others and work with our minis." He smiled. "Unless he's vowed himself to one of you?"

"No," she pouted. "He won't."

"I require a lot of wooing," Xander quipped, getting away from the teasing fingers. "You're making knots." He smirked at her. "Sex is different than love or vowing. Sex is fun but vowing would take dating and lots of time together."

"Good point." She sighed, smiling at him. "Are you coming to make my healers huff again soon?"

"Next month. They demanded. They even nagged."

She smiled and nodded. "They know you needed to be seen, dear." She blew a kiss then disappeared.

Xander grinned at Giles. "Her healers are better than any hospital and they only nag a tiny bit."

"That's good for you. Have they checked the eye hole recently? I see some discoloration around your patch."

"No, that's someone punched me in it." He grimaced. "He decided me checking into the inn was hitting on his wife, who was in the marketplace. Then he gasped because it gave way to his fist so he went to church to pray. The priest asked me why so I told him. The priest laughed to go yell at him." He rubbed the area. "It'll finish healing in a few days."

"Does that happen a lot?"

"Yeah, some guys are jealous that I look hot with swords," Xander quipped, grinning at the colonel. "Some of his guys too."

"Too true," he complained, glaring at his soldiers. Then at Xander. "The other one coming?"

Xander checked his watch then looked at the field. He squinted and pointed. "That looks like it."

The colonel got some binoculars to check then groaned. "It is stomping this way with a smaller version of itself under his arm."

"The vision showed it wasn't dangerous," Xander reminded him. "So he's probably going to complain about his son, like Fred does to his daughter about her skirts when she's at the embassy." He walked over, putting his sunglasses back on. "Hold up," he bellowed when the demon got close enough. "What's wrong?"

"I've heard there is a watcher here," he said, coming closer but more carefully.

Xander waved a hand. "And here I am with our boss over there. What's up? The colony being bothered or something?"

"My son is possessed and has a demon infesting him." He put him down in front of Xander and stepped back.

Xander waved Giles over. "I can't depossess anything," he admitted. "I tend to suck them in instead. The ones I worked with were not amused at that gift. But, our boss can." He looked over. "Giles, come depossess this kid?"

"Of course, if I can." He came over to look. "We need to remove this infestation first."

"We need a medic," Xander yelled. "The kid's gotten used as a host."

"It's a demon," one of the soldiers called back.

Xander scowled at him. "Peaceful beings are all the same to most of us." He huffed but a few medics did come rushing when the colonel summoned them. He helped them with the removal. He had two demonic worms using him as a nesting spot. They got it cleaned out and stitched. Then Giles depossessed him. The baby sniffled but Xander hugged him to calm him down.

Giles applied a shield and smiled at the father. "He should be safe now. Take reasonable precautions for the wound site."

"Keep it clean, dry, and the stitches covered. We used absorbable ones so he won't need to see someone to get them removed," a medic said.

The father smiled and nodded, taking his son to cuddle. "Thank you all. I know the watcher can remove things like that."

"And I'm totally out of supplies to do it," Xander admitted with a slight nod. "I need to restock the truck. But I'll do that tonight and if I'm near you and you need me, just ask, dude."

"I will. Thank you all." He shook their hands and walked off talking to his son.

The colonel waved. "Make sure he and his son gets home safely," he ordered. A few soldiers drove a jeep to gather them up so they could get home safely and faster.

Xander grinned. "Thanks, people. Many would overreact and attack them for seeking help." He shook their hands. He looked at Giles. "Does Willow still think I'm just telling stories and dancing around fires?" A few of the medics laughed at that image. "She's only seen National Geographic magazines after her mother censored it for breasts." He grinned at Giles.

"I think she does. She doesn't think any of the girls outside of Cleveland handle any bigger issues." Xander rolled his eye and shook his head. "You handled that well."

"I often do. I get a few of those a year." He shrugged but grinned. "So can I be paid finally? I need to buy some new boots and a new hat."

"I can do that when I get back, Xander. And yell at her again for you." He gave him a short hug then looked at the back he had patted. "What is that?"

Xander looked over his shoulder then shrugged. "The bandage? Last night's battle." He walked off. "It's clean. I had a shower."

Giles stopped him to look at it and groaned. "How did that happen?"

"Pointy supposed-God jewelry?" Xander guessed, looking at the nearest medic. Who nodded that was true. "Yeah, pointy jewelry he tried to hit me with." He got free with a grin. "It's not infected. And I have a pointy bracelet from him I can sell at least." He put back on his t-shirt with a grin for his mentor and boss. "Could've been worse."

"True, it could be much worse," he sighed. "Let me talk to others. We really must get you some help, Xander." He called someone and they sent him home so he could talk to the other watchers.

Xander grinned at the medics. "Thanks for not busting me for the stitches on my legs, guys. He probably would've had a fit." He walked back with them. "There, all better. And my boss will try to get another one of us down here to help me." He grinned.

The others patted him on the back and let him go sell that bracelet and stock his truck with what he'd need in the field.

***

Giles looked at the gathered watchers and slayers that night. "Xander had me summoned earlier as a demon needed magic to banish and I had been protesting about him wanting higher weapons." A few of the watchers grimaced. He put down a photocopy from a book. "He fought that last night with his axe, people." They looked and a few of the grimacers made whining noises. "Exactly. As pointed out, Asia's demons are mostly sorted out and mostly banishable. Africa's had many older ones, and many of them are actually peaceful." He put the reports he had Xander send to him again on the tv behind him, letting them run as a slideshow the boy had created for him.

"That can't be right!" Willow complained. "That's a hell goddess, Giles!"

"Yes, she has healers who nag him about getting medical checks. She showed up earlier to nag him and offer me to buy him." He looked at the others as they read. "So, how are we going to support that? Most of his slayers are under the age of puberty. He's trained regional militaries to deal with battles. Most of them do not have the medium level weapons necessary. They have tanks and planes and guns but nothing in between." A few of the slayers groaned and shifted. They had needed that sort of weapons before.

"Also, he's the only one covering the whole continent. Asia does technically have two, though one's in traction at the moment. South and Central America supposedly had a lot of problems taken out because they were solving the problem of drug lords for everyone so they fought back." He looked around the room again. Buffy reached over to stop the slideshow.

"So, we really must realign people so there's more of us handling things. Xander hardly ever gets up to northern Africa. Or the southern tip unless he's hunting something specific. I will note that he has also had a few human originating problems that he's handled. Mostly because they were bothering the girls, though once he did have to go rescue one of the slayer's sister from someone who was selling people."

Buffy raised her hand. "Was that the guy that he sold to a few poker contacts?"

"No, I believe that was a blood hunter," he said, grimacing as he took off his glasses to clean them. "The person was nosing around his blood so Xander handled it for him and others." He put his glasses back on. "There was also a few incidences of him being in the wrong place at the right time. Like with that bomb." He shuddered as he sat down, looking at the others. "That alone made me drink for a few days."

"Xander did *what*?" Willow demanded, standing up while slapping the table.

"He was in a mall to find a new shirt and found men with bomb vests," Giles said. "He got people coming and helped end the threat. Then called when it apparently came from some bad ideas that the Initiative had." He stared at her. "Did you expect him to run and let others suffer?" She glared at him. "He was in the mall."

"Xander's bad luck strikes again," Buffy quipped, nodding some, looking at Faith.

"Thankfully when I filled in for a few weeks, I didn't get it from his truck. I heard about the mummy thing though."

Giles nodded. "Yes, we have reports on that." He looked at the one who oversaw the Book of Problems, and the not totally hidden Book of Xander Problems. "We did record that?"

"We did," he agreed, smiling at his boss. "I'm wondering how the boy isn't an alcoholic."

"He hates drinking," Willow said, making herself sit down even though she was still huffy. "We need to bring him home so he's a normal Xander again, Giles."

"You tried that once and he went back to get away from you," he reminded her. "You nagged him into fleeing in the middle of the night, Willow." He looked at the others. "He also sent a reminder note about the cave. Including that any slayers could not walk back into it without doing something to the spell that started the slayer spirit. Do we have someone going to do an official study of it yet?"

"I volunteered," one of the researchers said. "I was refused because I was an uncalled potential."

"We don't want the slayer spirit hurt," Faith said. "I looked at the pictures he took. It does show that something will happen if another slayer walked in. The picture looked like two slayers changing stakes." Giles called that report up so they could see it.

The one over the books raised his hand. "That would really be best for someone like Cormier but he died." He looked at one. "Isn't that your sort of research?"

"I'm the twin of a potential. I'm not sure if it would matter. The same as it does for Deborah." He looked at the other researchers. "Are any of you eligible?" They all shook their heads. "Damnation. Rupert?"

"I would be open to someone who had reasonable training to do a study of the cave. Then we really must make sure no one can get into it. Some would use it to destroy the girls if that information got out."

"That's a good worry. We can contact a few people in Egypt to get a recommendation," Deborah said. "My former roommate is down there." She pulled out her phone to send a message to them. She smiled. "She works at the main museum as a translator." She got one back. "Oh, that's her husband." She bit her lip while she typed a message to him. He sent one back that he'd tell her to call when she got back from tea with her mother. She sent back a 'thank you' text and put her phone down. "Her husband will have her call later, Rupert."

"Thank you, Deborah. That could be very helpful. Xander did what he could but the pictures are a bit bad." He looked at them then closed out that file. He looked at the others. "So who are we sending to Africa to work with the tiny minis and to spare Xander some work? Kara, he requested you when one of those warrior women from Wakanda asked to train for demon battles."

She grinned. "I'm packed and waiting on word on paperwork and shots I'll need. I called the embassy earlier. They'll email me forms tomorrow." He nodded at that, making a note for himself. She looked at Buffy then at Faith.

"I only ran into one," Faith said. "She let me have X's pickup truck while he had the mini in quarantine thanks to her daddy. They were pretty cool, just really quiet."

"I can handle quiet and calm people," Kara agreed with a nod. "It might be nice not to see so many squealing teenage girls." She glared at one. "Bring back my bra after you wash it too."

"Fine," that one pouted. "Buffy, I need new workout bras."

"Yup, you probably do," she agreed. "We can do that later." A few of the girls perked up at that.

Giles sighed. "Must you?"

"Yes. Boobs hurt if you workout in the wrong bra," Buffy told him. "Do you want to watch us heal torn chest muscles?"

"No," he agreed. He found the slayer card in his wallet and tossed it over. "Take someone who can reasonably drive with you, girls." They grinned at the watchers who drove. One nodded but rolled his eyes. "At least they're not using you as a pack and bag mule like they used to use Xander," he told that watcher.

"Thankfully. The stories he told about Summers shopping times were nearly horrifying. It definitely made me want to avoid having teenage daughters." Buffy huffed but rolled her eyes, shaking her head at that. "You are rather fashionable, Summers."

"So was our mom." She smirked. "I could be worse. Stella's a lot worse than I am about that."

"Yes, which is why we talked to her mother about clothes she could be practical in," Giles said. "Using your wardrobe as a reference for things that aren't really practical. She had a worse skirt habit than you've had. Thankfully she found some cute jeans."

Buffy huffed again but shook her head. "She'll figure it out. She's only twelve."

"Back on target please," the head of the library said. He sighed, looking at Rupert. "Would a slayer be enough help for him?"

"I'm good but I need to be pretty stable," Kara told him. "And Egypt is scary right now."

"We'll look into that," Giles told her. "And decide if we're sending down another girl to help him."

"I hate to say it but will the military guys down there work with a girl?" Buffy asked.

Faith nodded. "I didn't have many problems. A few but he did too from what he warned me about."

"So he'll need to travel with them for a bit to introduce them around," Buffy decided. The others nodded. "Well, I know I'm not eligible. I can't travel very well. That will mean living out of a truck."

Giles' computer beeped so he looked at his email. He reloaded it and stared, opening the file to read. He groaned and put the footage on the screen for them to see the news report. Xander was throwing a fit at a demon. The demon was throwing a fit about having a watcher around. Xander yelled at him that he was helping protect all harmless people.

That the Council had changed and if he didn't realize that he was out of touch. The demon tried to hit Xander so Xander punched him then kicked his axe up to hold. The demon screamed and ran. Xander went back to look at the remains of his truck, complaining that he had just gotten it stocked and fixed. Now he had to replace everything. "The news feed is from a reporter, not Xander himself." He sent Xander's phone a message, getting one back from him pouting about his truck. "He's fine but mad."

"That demon attacked him," Willow complained with a point.

"He attacked a watcher that he thought was there to attack him," Giles corrected. "He thought Xander practiced the old ways and he clearly doesn't." He cleared his throat. "Xander would've been reasonable to attack that demon back but he didn't and I respect that, Willow." She stomped off in a huff.

"I'd suggest a memory removal spell about the boy to ease her temper," another watcher said. "But with how long they've known each other there's no telling what it would do to her personality."

"It's also not right," Buffy said firmly. "Memory spells were wrong when Willow did one too."

"Yes but it might keep her from attacking your mutual friend," he told her.

She nodded. "True. Willow's got a temper problem. I'm shocked Xander's answering the phone."

"He's not," Giles said. "He said he's not answering any other messages from up here for at least a day."

"Smart of him," Deborah agreed. "Rosenburg does like to nag. Loudly." Buffy snorted but didn't disagree. "So, how are we helping him get a new truck he can trick out?"

"I don't know yet," Giles admitted. "We'll work on that tomorrow. Tonight he's going to sulk I believe." They all nodded. "Give me ideas about spreading us back around to areas that need us. Kara, get ready to go soon." She nodded, going to see if she had those forms yet. "The rest of you, give me ideas of things we need to do about making the girls more secure. While I was down there, a young slayer made her mother bring her because the news said that Xander wasn't whacking away at a demon with his axe."

"I'll talk to them tonight," Faith said, looking at Buffy, who waved a hand. "Thanks. You talk to the other minis?"

"I can do that," she agreed. They went to the computer lab to do that. The others broke up to make suggestions about what needed to be done now. And to stop any Willow plans.

***

Xander flopped into the chair across from the agent who had wanted to see him so badly a few weeks earlier. "So," he said, picking up the guy's cup of coffee to drink from. "I've spent the last three weeks undoing spells that would have created a few side things. Including one that would've sent your people onto a battle world in space. One that would've separated your team so your two geeks would've possibly died during another alien infection point. One that would've brought the evil you from another realm..... Should I continue and do you want to handle the idiot who's doing it who was SHIELD or would you like me to sell him as a poker debt?" He took another drink and put the cup down.

Phil Coulson looked at him oddly. "I didn't add sugar to that."

Xander grinned. "I saw that but the sugar's got a potion in it anyway." He picked up a pinchful of it and dropped it into the coffee so they could both watch it turn purple. "Probably a control potion so we'd quit letting that idiot make wishes. We really have to free the wish demon he's got trapped somehow soon before she explodes and we all die this time for real." He stared at him then grinned again.

"I'd like to stop that personally. Can I have his name?" Xander handed over the picture he had printed off, which had the address written on it. "I remember him. He's very set in his ways."

"He's desperately wanting Fury back for *some* reason," Xander said sarcastically. "He nearly called Thanos back so he could've snapped for real and they would've solved it with a few dead people after five years."

Coulson winced but nodded once. "Yes, we need to stop him and I may allow you to sell him to a poker debt. Is he the only one?"

"Nope!" Xander grinned brightly and cheerily. "You've got a *whole* cult of them! All for different reasons but all in the sure sense that they *really* want Fury back." He beamed at him. "I'm about to tell them how to rescue him."

"Does he need rescued?"

"Yup. He accidentally walked into a demon poker place and was drinking slightly so shut up a meowing bet by petting it. They're a bit mad about that so they've got him trapped in a cell." He slid over the other photo he had of Nick Fury petting the cat sitting on him. "They'll let him keep the tainted bet but you'll have to pay it back. Since he stole the bet he owes about twenty grand."

"I'll see if I can send someone to free him. Thank you for that cheery news, Mr. Harris."

Xander winked at him. "The evil you was going to destroy your team. And the world." He stood up. "Something about Sarge...." He shrugged. "The evil me was a vampire so yours was at least still a normal human." He strolled off. "Oh, beloved," he bellowed. "I'm going to kill your stupid ass for trying to potion me! You'd better fuckin' run!" The agent who had been wishing took off running. Xander grinned and chased him.

Coulson went to follow him so he could deal with his soon-to-be-former agent himself. He didn't want to be potioned either. The ones who had been watching were a bit creeped out but the few who knew who Harris was were freaking out that he was out of Africa and without any slayers. It had to mean something big but horrible was going to happen soon.

***

Melinda May broke into the house she had been ordered to break into, seeing...herself tied to a chair. "What the hell?" she demanded quietly.

"He wanted me to be you. You're his fantasy," the wish demon said dryly, changing back to her normal look. "Can you let me go please?"

"Are you dangerous to most everyone?" She tapped her earpiece. "I have some sort of demon tied to a chair?" She nodded and broke the lock for the demon. "We got your captor earlier. He's in jail and begging for medical attention." Melinda looked at her. "Should we call a healer for you? Or help you get to one? I know there's a demon clinic locally."

"I...." She looked at herself. "Please?" A large, red demon with horns appeared. "D'Hoffryn, she rescued me. I'm going to see a healer about the injuries."

The head vengeance demon looked at his minion and nodded. "That's an excellent idea but we need someone to clean up his ...trophy room." The wish demon shuddered, shrinking down some.

Melinda looked at him. "Harris is local. He told us about her being held hostage." The ops person had told her that. "I can have him called. We can add on charges to the one that had her if we need to."

"Please," D'Hoffryn said. "I'd ask him myself but most of the time I want to yell at him for tainting one of mine to niceness and having a conscience." He grimaced. "Go get seen." The lower demon nodded, letting Melinda take her to her car. D'Hoffryn popped his neck when a young girl let herself in. "Slayer Faith."

"Hey, Big D. Xander'd come help but he said for me to deal with it because he just had to run off to rescue a princess demon from being stolen." D'Hoffryn winced but nodded once, showing her where he felt the remains. She looked and held down a gag. "Oh, Goddess, that's gross. He needs to be under the jail for good." She carefully walked in then grimaced. "Two are groaning. Get me a healer?" D'Hoffryn stepped back to summon one for her.

Faith waved her in. "I got summoned ta clean this up because the human who did it doesn't deserve that name," she told the healer. "I'm hearing two different groans." She looked over at the moaning. "I'm the Slayer Faith, Healer. Come help me help them." She nodded, coming in to find her living victims to help. She found a few extra and Faith helped her remove them to the living room for treatment so she could respectfully clean up the rest. Melinda came back. Faith stared at her. "If you're an agent, tell me this supposed human is being punished?"

"He's still begging for medical attention for having a wish demon hostage. This...." She looked around. "I'm going to see him cut into tiny chunks for if possible. How can I help?"

"We need ta get them respectfully taken to the healer's clinic so they can be claimed or buried," Faith said. Melinda nodded and got another few agents to help with that, with one stopping at the clinic to warn them and bring another healer to help the one in the living room. Melinda came in to start removing parts that were mounted on the walls. Faith got full demon bodies separated and any missing parts put with them. D'Hoffryn oversaw it and made sure no one got more injured. He even stopped Faith from moving one's severed hand because it was poisonous.

***

Nick Fury looked up as his cell door opened, staring at the demon standing there. "The cat could use some food if you wouldn't mind."

"You're being freed. You can take the bet with you since they paid it for you." Fury got up and followed him out. He had learned that acting up got him poisoned in a way that made him want to die. Thankfully the demons hadn't hurt the cat when they had gotten him for being mouthy. The demon opened a door and pointed. "There, Human."

"Next time I'll know better than to quiet the meowing." He moved to the agent, looking at her. "Thanks for the rescue."

Melinda May shook her head. "Harris told us, sir. Car? I've got a bottle of water so you can let her have some." He nodded, getting in and helping the cat get settled in the back seat with some water and Melinda's peanut butter sandwich. She got in and looked at him. "A cat is worth that much?"

"No clue," he admitted. "I'm just glad I healed from the poisoning for trying to get demanding."

"We can get you to medical, Director." She drove off. "Is the cat staying?"

"Probably. We did pay for her. I'll find her a good home if I have to." She just nodded and turned onto a lesser used road. "The safehouse?"

"Coulson and Foster are there."

"Foster? Jane Foster?"

"Yup. We had to rescue her from some demons who wanted to treat her as a goddess for making the stars make sense, and making Thor pouty by dumping him."

Fury hummed but nodded slowly. "Still a soap opera I see."

"Often," she quipped, grinning at him as she parked. "Inside, Director. I'll get the cat some food. Cat food or tuna in a can?"

"Get both, I don't know what it'll eat. They had cheap, dry food for her." She nodded, driving off once they were heading for the door. Nick walked in shaking his head. "Coulson, thank you."

"Welcome, Nick. I'm sure you remember Doctors Foster and Simmons."

"Yup." He settled down with a groan. "I survived the poisoning. They congratulated me on it." Simmons came over to check him over, handing Coulson the cat for a few minutes. "Thanks, Simmons."

"Welcome, sir." She frowned. "You're still probably sick."

"Could be." He yawned. Simmons was looking up something on her phone and got sent a bottle and needle from somewhere. "What's that?"

"An antidote." She smiled before she stuck him on the arm. "There, that should help." Melinda came in with cat food and the cat meowed but did settle down to eat once she got some onto a plate for him. Simmons petted the cat then looked at Coulson. "I'll let you talk. Doctor Foster, would you like to use my phone again?"

"Please. I don't want to worry my coworkers." They went out back to give Coulson some privacy.

Coulson smirked as he handed over a file. "On an agent we shed. He's paid your debt for you, and a lot of his own. We heard thanks to Harris."

Fury flipped it open and the picture on top made him heave. "Fuck."

"Yes, he was in the head," Melinda agreed. "Had a wish demon trapped as a hostage. Thought they had to rescue you." She went out back to hang with the two scientists, and to make sure no one captured them again.

Fury looked up. "Did we pay beyond him?"

"No. His...existence is being dealt with for all he did." He sat down and adjusted his sweater. "Are you all right?"

"I hope so." The cat jumped into his lap and flopped onto her side to nap. He petted her then looked at his former underling. "Everything else going to hell?"

"We tracked what he was trying and the cult trying to get you back. They're going to be going down as well, but not as dramatically. Though three did work in your unit." Fury groaned. "We've educated them." He smirked slightly. "Natasha was most helpful."

"I'm sure she enjoyed the stress relief. Anything else I need to absolutely know right now?"

"One of the mini slayers, one of the very young, went to talk to a demon at a poker game to find out why everyone was not talking about a battle that was mean, to quote her. The demon told her why that was and she basically huffed and demanded to know so she could warn the other minis. That way they were warned to stay away from some sorts. The demon told her to stay away from purple beings and some blue beings so she said that was good but one of them somehow got a movie from another realm on how bad it could have been."

He slid over a DVD jewel case. "I'm damn glad we didn't do that." He stood up. "Go rest, Nick. Then call your unit to calm the panicking debutantes down again please. They've even found Maria and begged her for news of you." He went out back to talk to the ladies, and to take them back from the demon wanting to worship Melinda for her battle prowess. The teenage male had been stalking her for weeks now about how good she was in battles. Even the kid's mother hadn't been able to make him stop.

***

The president was back on his kick. "That guy has to want a position. He's heroic and likes to help people. He might even take my job some day," he said happily.

"He'd kill everyone if you took him away from his duty, sir," one of his advisors said, sighing at the end. "He sees what he does like being called like a priest. He doesn't want a job here or anywhere outside the one he has right now. For that matter, he'd destroy SHIELD from the inside for all the bad they had done in the past. Then he'd fix the other agencies."

"The people could benefit from that."

That advisor looked at him. "Sir, the first thing he'd do is have you taken out for what you've done. Your family wouldn't benefit in any way from that move." The president glared at him. "Not even the investigations so far would be enough for him because he's *seen* what the US has done in other places. And frankly, there's demons who want him to be president some day so he can fix things for the slayers so they have an easier life. We'll all be out of a job if you appoint him anywhere. That was made very clear to me by a wish demon that got sent with that message from their higher up." He gave him a pointed look. "We do not want that to happen. I mean, world peace would be great and all, but is that a price you're willing to pay?"

"I haven't done anything wrong!"

"Bullshit," he said dryly. "His first act would be to put you in jail for not paying your bills, sir. The laws exist and you'd be there within minutes for all those lawsuits you didn't pay the judgement on. Plus all the other debts you have. You, your sons, your daughter, would all be beside you. Except for your anchor child last born son due to his age." Another advisor coughed but nodded. "He has made it quite clear that he does not want to work with us. He's made it exceedingly clear that he does not want to work for you. Plus the warnings we have of what he'll become. Does the world need that?"

"We should take him out then," the president sneered.

"Not many of us will stop a demonic invasion," his military advisor noted. "He's done that without the slayers backing him up, but with regional militaries. He's very certain he's got the job he wants, sir, and he's not pleased to do it but it's necessary."

"He could be a threat to us, to the US."

"Only if we really upset him." A demon appeared so they all stared at him. "What're you?"

"A messenger," that one said. He looked at the president. "The human you wish to have as a figurehead, he has many owed wishes and boons from what he's solved and saved. We all, on all planes, want him to be comfortably human for however long he lasts. We also wish him not to be in power because then things will get weird and not even we want to deal with that. So leave the boy be!" He stared at someone down the table. "Your cousin owes many debts and they're considering taking him out for it." He smiled a bit. "My messages are done with." He disappeared.

"Which is why we do not want that boy anywhere," another advisor said. "Just leave the Council be, sir. Before we all die from it? I'd hate to become some demon's plaything."

"Tentacles," another said with a shudder. "Gross."

The president grimaced. "Fine, we'll figure it out later." He got up and stomped off to pout. Within hours, a demon spokesbeing was on the news that he watched, talking about the plans to appoint that watcher. A lot of others were protesting that the boy didn't want it and had turned it down a few times.

Then they cut to Xander's current battle.

Oops, that was probably not supposed to make the news.

Especially not with the SHIELD agents in attendance and two beings tied to poles to sacrifice. Xander shouted something and pointed, sending some agents to handle the new threat trying to show up. He fired on the demon with something large and impressively explosive, blowing up the demon's cult members. That let them rescue the people tied to poles. There were Avengers members coming in. And a few others. Xander shouted at someone, getting a nod back from Captain America, who threw his shield at a smaller demon. That one screamed and ducked but the protections around the battlefield fell.

It made a few agents fall down; it had cut the zombie spell around the field. Xander cut one of the hostages free and handed him a machete before diving back in. Then there were witches and a few older slayers, including the two senior ones. The demons hated Buffy enough to attack as a group but they seemed to ignore Faith. Xander and Faith teamed up to save Buffy. The other slayers were getting agents out of the way so they could finish the battle for everyone. A few got hurt by the backup forces but that happened. Finally, Faith beheaded the main demon. An invisible one showed up smirking but the agents blew that one's head off with some artillery. Iron Man made sure the whole body exploded so it couldn't reform.

The boy was leaning down, catching his breath so he could stand up without help. He finally managed it and looked at the slayers, who all grinned and waved at him. He thanked them and had them sent home. The agents got gathered so they could get checked over. The head agent pulled Xander with them by grabbing his arm to haul him off. Even if Xander did complain. One of the Fox news people called the reporting team down there to talk to Harris about his opinion about being taken in by the current administration.

Xander spotted them coming and got into their face to protect the agents being cleaned up, and the few that were lying under sheets already. He ordered them out of the military tent. The local military agreed and came to arrest them for bothering them. The reporter shouted his question and Xander glared at him. Then he noted it was a stupid idea. He had no ability or right to run an intelligence group, nor did he want to for this administration since half of them were demon tainted by owing for deals. Then he pointed out how he had told. It discredited half of the senior advisors.

The president winced but shuddered because he'd have to shed them all. And his daughter's husband with the one the boy had noted. Then the boy smirked and noted that no one saw the president that undressed so it'd have to come from his doctor spotting it. The reporters got dragged off being yelled at but they were not going to be released for the next few days.

The local reporters in the US were horrified by that but the agents they had been talking to were nodding about that. The reporters turned on them but one agreed that the reporters there had violated the privacy of the living agents and were desecrating the dead ones' memories. What if their families had seen that? Is that how anyone wanted to know that their relative had died? The reporters shuddered but moved onto another topic instead. The president was nearly ready to have a kiddy fit about all that. He really had to fix that problem. He'd start with a tweet but his assistant took his phone from his hand and took it with her as she stomped off. His daughter came in to calm him down, explaining why that was a bad time to tweet anything. The people would turn on them. They might even egg them. They didn't need that sort of bad press right now. It was nearly an election.

The president huffed but let that plot lay down for now. He'd come back to it later.

***

Maria Hill walked into the hotel the agents, Harris, and the Avengers were resting in for the day. They had been told to wait for her to debrief them in the same general area so they were nicely in a meeting room. She looked at the agents. "Your supervisors saw. Most weren't amused but glad that you survived. Two of them," she said with a nod to those agents. "Had a fit worthy of a tweenage girl." They grinned back.

"But they calmed down with application of a nerve jab to knock them out. They woke up much more calm. You're all cleared to go home to be nagged. Feel free to bitch back." She looked at Harris and the Avengers. "Mr. Harris, do we have the information from the skrulls?"

"I handed it to your head guy," he said patiently. He shifted to put his foot up since it was swelling again. "If he hasn't shared, nag him."

"I can do that. Are you due any other battles soon? Before you heal?" she clarified.

"Yup." He nodded. "But we'll handle it like we usually do. That one I can use artillery on. If someone would donate I'd be happy. So would the place I've got to go since it's very near a quarantined area." She winced. "Six miles from the border." He pulled out his phone to look it up, then let her catch it.

She looked over the information. "Can the locals handle it? It's a huge risk if you get infected somehow. That is airborne." She handed the phone back then stepped back to her former spot.

"Possibly. Will they? Probably not and there's a mini near there I've had to evacuate because they're bad about going to ask her opinion. Plus one slightly older one that got evacuated when the sickness started near there."

"That's good to know. Can we help you move that mini slayer?"

"No. Her parents are already moving as of last night when I told them about the upcoming one. I've blatantly handed them identification manuals in the past." Hill nodded at that. "Otherwise, no. They'd probably complain and my next time working near them would be harder."

She nodded again at that. "I can send some SHIELD agents to help that particular battle. You're too valuable to get ebola. No one else is going to do what you do."

"Giles is trying to get me some backup," he quipped with a smirk. "The disease isn't near the border. The border's set about twenty miles from the nearest quarantined town."

"I realize that but I'd rather not have you do that. Are you all right?"

"Yeah. One of the demons had a poison on his skin. I've taken the antidote but I'm having a bit of swelling. I'll swell for the next two days, ache a bit, and be better. Like the last time."

"You got poisoned before?" Stark demanded, glaring at him.

"Yeah, and took an antidote, and went back to life. The first time was back in high school. I still had to go to classes, do my after school job so I had money, and then go on patrol the next night, Stark. I've had this one before and had a battle the next night. It wasn't an easy one to do but it had to get done."

"Hell no," Rogers said. "Can we fight that next battle for you, Harris?"

Xander shook his head slowly. "You'd need laser weapons. I'm borrowing a few from Wakanda."

"I can ask the princess if we can do it for you so you can heal."

"I'm fine!"

"Harris, stop," Hawkeye said, staring at him. "Even you need healing time and we're conveniently nearby so we can do the heroic stuff while you heal. You can run in to save us if you need to but right now it's more important that you heal. The girls would hate to replace you with your zombie."

"Only two could make zombies. One's aunt could do the spells. The other has a sister that can do magic." He considered it. "Or Willow."

Pietro sped over suddenly and knocked him out. "Well, now I see my future." He sat down, glaring at Rogers and Stark. "We're doing it for him?" Rogers nodded. "How do I help with that?"

"Rush up and stab then retreat," Hawkeye said. That got a nod. "Hill, can we have intel on that?"

"Gladly. I'll send backup agents with you. That'll make his myths bigger because it takes more than him but it'll be safer." She made that note and orders. Then she looked at the others. "Do not catch a single thing." They nodded. "When you get back, a week of quarantine at the new facility just in case you managed to get something." They nodded again. "*Please* make sure you don't catch ebola." She looked at Harris then behind her. "Get a medic to check him over," she called. "He's taken the antidote for the poison but he's swelling. He insists it's normal but he's a man so therefore being a tough guy."

The agents helping her nodded, getting their medic in to check Harris over first then the others. "All right. Do what you can. That control box facility was found." She handed that file to Rogers. "If you can before? If not, tell me and I'll send another team." She nodded. "Have a good rest, people." She left them to heal, figure things out, and nag Harris. Maybe hearing from older heroic sorts would help straighten Harris out, but she doubted it. It might just reinforce the bad habits.

Stark took the file to look over. "We can send a jammer down and stop that tomorrow since most of us aren't injured." That got a mass nod so they could figure out how to handle it. Xander woke up and swatted at the medics but they knocked him back out. "He's been seeing healers at a demon goddess's temple further south. Isor or something like that from the gossip going around."

"D'Isor," Clint corrected with a smirk for the medics. "She's a love goddess about four countries to the south and a few west."

"We can check with her people and possibly drop him there," the medic said. "His truck as well since we know he depends on it." That got a nod from the team. They could find the goddess' people hopefully easily enough. Rogers helped them get Harris out to the jet to be taken down south then came back to get into the planning.

***

The demons in Cleveland heard from the ones down where the last battle had been. It was worrying that the Knight hadn't been at the battle, but they heard he had been forced to the healers. They decided to counteract the threat of having Harris become the head of an agency. They started rumors about who could take over reasonably and the humans would appreciate that. It got back through their human contacts, who told their friends, and online, and it came up to a whole new network of plotting.

In Washington, DC, the president's people were seeing that trending topic and looked into it. Maybe he'd go with that plan instead of that hunter guy? One brought it to him. "Sir?" He looked up from watching Fox News. "Sir, people are suggesting that someone take over SHIELD due to her involvement in a battle that the hunter you've mentioned couldn't get to." She let him see the file she had brought in. "She runs a major company, has helped heros in the past, and was in the battle when her boyfriend got knocked out for a bit. It's said she's the sort of woman who can stop any argument with a pointed look and a kick from a high heeled shoe."

He considered it. "Why her?"

"The demon communities were bragging that she had done very good taking the place of that hunter, who is apparently under the care of some sort of healer. They admire her as a role model for slayers that are ready to retire. She has a lot of support from the people."

He nodded. "I'll consider it." The underling nodded and went back to her desk. He looked up the trending information. The people were excited about that. He called one of his advisors that had made it through the demonic deal outing. "The people are pushing me to name a female head of SHIELD." He listened to why it was a good idea using the former second-in-command. "No, the people want Potts." He listened to why that wasn't a bad idea but it wasn't perfect and Hill would be better. She had basically ran it before. She was used to working with the heroic sorts. So he'd have to consider that. It would make him look progressive to name a woman to something again.

***

In Africa, Natasha was looking at her phone, frowning. "What?" she muttered.

Clint pulled out his phone to look. "Oh, dear. Pepper, you need to yell at someone who wants you to be the next director of SHIELD," he announced. "Save a hunter, use an executive is trending."

"Excuse me?" she demanded. Natasha let her have her phone. "How on earth!" She let Natasha find out how it started. "No! I'm flattered but no. Thank you anyway." She used the phone to make a statement that she was flattered by the request, she had too much to do with SI and helping Tony Stark build a great future for everyone to take over an intelligence agency. She thanked them for realizing she could do the job well but she was too busy daily to do that. She suggested that they nominate someone like Natasha or Clint. She handed the phone back once she had uploaded the statement and went to tell Tony that new crackhead plan. He burst out laughing but hugged her to calm her down.

Natasha made sure Hill spotted that remark by tagging her into a reblog of it with a few more agents. They could stop this new plot very quickly hopefully. Before someone named her.

***

In New York, Maria Hill got the announcement she was tagged into a tweet, opening her twitter app to look at the note. Then she groaned and sighed. "Damn it." She put her phone down before she threw it and went to get a drink. It was time for a drink. She wasn't going to become an alcoholic but sometimes you just needed a drink.

A private message showed up. It was from a guy in a red and black spandex who said they had both been suggested against their wills by the guy in Africa trying to avoid being nominated to run SHIELD. She answered back that the demons had nominated Potts, and Potts had nominated her, but if it saved humanity from Xander Harris running SHIELD like he did the slayers, it might be worth it. The guy sent back a laughing unicorn emoji but quit after that. Yup, definitely time for a drink.

***

Xander hopped out of his truck, running toward the cave system. "Don't go in there!" he shouted. "Faith, no!" She was struggling but was tied up. She finally got one arm free and batted at the people trying to force her into the cave. "Fuck this shit. Herbert! I need to call in that wish! Move Faith now!" he yelled, punching the first idiot he got to. The demon showed up and snatched Faith, taking her with him.

If she had to get free, she could do it from there. Xander got the other three down, glaring at them. "I don't care if you don't like the slayers!" he shouted. "Destroying all of them means that you all have to do it on your own. I'm not going to save your asses when some demon manages to win their plots. Not another invasion would be won. Nothing will save you all." He glared at them, hands on his hips. Herbert came back. "She okay?"

"Bruised. Pissed as hell. Is this the cave?"

Xander smirked at him. "Ask me that when there's no viewers, Herbert." The demon nodded, leaning into the cave to look then he moaned. "Yeah. Exactly." He looked at the demon. One of the idiots tried to get up so Xander stabbed him this time. He went down with a scream and the idiot rolled around but stayed down this time.

Herbert backed out of the cave, staring at Xander. "I think we may have a problem."

"Yeah, I had to yell. It probably woke them up." He sighed. "I have no idea what to do with your sort." He tapped his fingers on his hips. "Fuck it. Let me call the idiots in SHIELD," he muttered, finding his phone to call them. "It's Watcher Xander Harris. I just had to stop five idiots who had Slayer Faith hostage to force her into a cave they believed held the remains of the First Slayer to take them all out," he reported. "We have three idiots and a stabbed idiot who *really* need to be arrested and I'm in the middle of no man's land here." He rubbed his forehead. "Please. Yeah, I'd love for you to handle it for me." He grinned at Herbert. "No, I called in a debt to save Faith. She's somewhere but probably safer than I am at the moment. Yes, that's my location. Sure, you can send Fury's little boys. Thank you." He hung up and looked at the demon queen staring at him from the cave. "Sorry to have woken you up. They thought this was the cave where they created the slayer line and were trying to force a present one into it."

The demon queen came out, standing up straight to stretch up. She was about seven foot tall. Dark green, looked like she was wearing Indian clothes and jewelry. "Why are you on this continent?"

"I'm Xander Harris, head watcher in Africa, ma'am. I have a bunch of baby slayers I'm helping learn how to handle things when they're of age, with their families." He turned to look at her. "We've rebuilt the bad ideas they used to have," he said quietly. "My girls are all girls and expected to be girls."

She nodded. "That's a good thing. The last ones gave me bad dreams."

"They gave some of us nightmares," Xander agreed, grinning some. "Then we had the First Evil show up." She shuddered and held up a hand. "We're sorry to have woken you. They didn't expect you to be in there."

"That's clear to me." She looked at them then at him. "Now what do you have planned?"

"I was going to have them arrested and tried by someone who can show them how stupid they are. I'm going to see if there's something I can do so you can go back to a more pleasant sleep and perhaps close the opening to the cave so you can't be bothered against your will again. Then I'm going to go have a beer." She laughed, a harsher sound but she looked amused. "It's a Miller sorta day, ma'am."

She nodded again. "I can see how that would be." She looked at the idiots. "I know ones who would happily ruin them but those same sort hate slayers being around."

"And yet, there's evil who try things like invading this plane, ma'am. The new slayers only take out those who cause harm."

She tipped her head. "Which is a good thing. Much better than it had been," she agreed. "They would still hate this and you for helping them."

"Yeah, I got told that when I stumbled into the city of Golden Arches." She moaned. "I had malaria. I stumbled into it then out of it very fast when I realized I was in a hidden demon enclave. Though I did apologize to the guards that came for me. They were...amused."

She smirked a tiny bit at him. "So am I, Hunter."

Xander shrugged. "I do what I do so tiny little girls don't get forced to. I'd never want the earth to end because some beings had evil ideas." A helicopter was coming in to land near them. "That's probably the agents here for them. Is there something I can do to help you go back to a more peaceful sleep? Or something to help you guard your doorway?"

She grimaced. "Don't block it. I do need air flow." He nodded at that. "I can grow a plant or something. I used to have trees shielding the entry." She looked around. "Then again, I used to have grass."

He nodded. "We've had some problems with droughts in this area of the country," Herbert said. "It's been a problem for everyone, m'lady."

She nodded. "I can see how that happens." She looked at the agents coming out of the helicopter. Then at Xander. "I could use a bit of help to get back there."

"Okay." Xander looked at the agents. "Guys, they were trying to force Faith into what they thought was the cave where slayers were created. That would probably end the slayer line. I had Faith saved by Herbert," he said with a point at him. "But we woke up this great lady so I'm going to help her go back to sleep if you'll please arrest those idiots?"

"We can do that, Harris," one of the agents said. "Are you an agent?"

Xander grinned. "Head Watcher on this whole continent. You guys just sat there and made me deal with things that you should've done." The agents all groaned but gathered the idiots to haul off. Xander walked the goddess back into her bedroom, tucking her back in and humming a bit as he straightened up things for her. Then he backed out and moved a few bigger stones to not block off the cave's entry fully but to shield it a lot so it looked like a tiny hole instead. She giggled at that but he bowed and looked at Herbert. "So," he said. "Faith okay?"

"I took her to the poker hall."

"That's cool. I'll be there in about two days? Let me go get really drunk?"

"She'd probably appreciate that." He patted Xander on the back. "How did you find that city?"

"I stumbled into it while I had a really high fever."

"That figures. Go get drunk, Xander." Xander nodded, heading for his truck. Herbert covered up the blood on the ground by kicking dust over it then he went to report to the higher ups in the area. This was an interesting, bad thing that may have been started.

***

Two days later, Xander sat down in front of the hidden watcher, Undersecretary Waller, with Faith taking the other free seat. "So," he said with a grin.

"What did you do?" Waller asked calmly and quietly. "And why did Faith need to come back? I haven't heard anything too bad happening."

Faith handed over the report with a smirk. Xander handed over his. "There were some great idiots," Faith told him.

Waller read them, staring at the boy. "You woke up who?" he demanded in a hiss.

"She's back to her rest. I partially hid the cave entry for her. Herbert was there because I called in a poker debt to save Faith." Faith nodded. "Then he came back to help while I called SHIELD in to handle those morons."

"We still have one girl missing," Faith said. "We're not sure where. We think down here."

"She's in New Guinea," Xander told her. "A sometimes friend found her and rescued her." He smirked at her then at Waller. "They thought it was the slayer cave."

"Clearly." He stared at him. "Have you told Rupert?"

"Do I really want to hear the swearing?" Xander quipped back. "Faith needs help getting home too."

He nodded. "I can process that," Waller agreed, looking at her. "Do you have a passport?" She shrugged. "I'll ask Rupert. Xander, when are you telling him?"

"I'm not even faxing that because I don't want to hear the nagging from the two females that presently have him under nagging. Because I know very well Giles will hand me to them to get away from Buffy and Willow." He gave him a pointed look. "You have a fax though. And my phone's off for the next week until I pay a bill."

Waller sighed. "I fear he will come down to scream at us all."

"I have reports he's never seen that would make him scream about other things," Xander offered. "Including me having malaria and tripping into a mystical city." Faith moaned. He grinned at her. Then at Waller. "That I have to go back to so I can hand over a treasure I found last week."

"What treasure? Or should I even ask?" Xander got up and went to his truck, coming back with a heavy wooden box painted black with a dark cloth over it. Waller felt the power and shivered. "That's...probably dangerous?" Xander let him lift up a corner of the lid under the fabric. "That's very dangerous. Shit, boy!"

Xander sat down with the box in his lap, patting the fabric. "I'm sending it back to their people. It's not that far from here."

Waller just nodded. "Please do and I'll fax this to Rupert and arrange for Faith to get safely home while they take you out for it. That should not be near humans."

"And then again, he's got mermaid taint," Faith injected with a grin. She shrugged when Waller stared at her. "Sunnydale was like that."

"Yes it was," Xander agreed.

Waller squeezed his eyes shut but nodded once. "Please give that back with the Council's respects, Harris. I'll handle the others and make sure Rupert wants to give you some help." Xander grinned, getting up to hug Faith and then head out to his truck. He looked at her. "Hopefully they won't feel that tainting you. We'll get you home in a moment, Faith."

"That's fine. I'm good. X got me a few extra pairs of panties and bras so I can change clothes."

"That's good of him." He turned on his computer to get into his video conferencing software. He cleared his throat when Willow showed up on the other end. "Get Rupert for me, Rosenburg. I'm arranging to get Faith home from where she had been taken."

"She's what?" she demanded. "We thought she went on vacation."

"Not with the ropes I ended up in, and there's no bikinis," Faith said loudly enough to be heard.

Willow turned her head. "Giles, it's Waller and Faith." She got out of the way.

Waller waved a hand. "Harris rescued her when someone had snatched her to force her into the First Slayer's cave. Though they picked the wrong cave. So you have two reports coming by fax once you get her off it." Giles said something quietly to Willow, making her huff off. Waller sent them from his in-office fax. "Does Faith have a passport?"

"Yes, all the senior girls have one. I'm not sure if hers is in date or not however."

"That's fine. I'll get her home as soon as I can. Harris was very good to rescue her and put the other being back to sleep."

Giles grabbed the reports to look over, one eyebrow going up. Then he got the second report and burst out swearing. "Exactly. Right now, he's taking an unholy relic back to their mystical city to guard it themselves. From the small sliver I saw, it's a decorated skull being kept in the dark."

"The one they taught us in Dangerous Artifacts 2?" Giles demanded.

"I believe the other one," he said.

"Who is he giving it to?"

"Their people. He stumbled into the city when he had malaria by what he told me." He smirked a tiny bit. "I don't have a single report on that and he said his phone was off for two weeks thanks to needing to pay the bill."

"He'd never do that to the slayers he's watching," Giles said with a grimace.

"They've got calling stones," Faith called.

"Oh, all right." Giles cleared his throat. "Do tell him I want a report. A full report. On every single thing he's run into, seen, and all that down there. And this being?"

"Asleep," Faith called. "He tucked her in and helped hide her cave's opening."

"Well." Giles just nodded once. "We'll talk to the boy in a few hours. Faith, do relax for a few days while they work on getting you home. I'll have Buffy call your friend you have lunch with on Thursdays." He took off his glasses. "Thank you for telling me, Waller. Have a safe, calmer day?"

"I do try. You as well, Rupert." He hung up and smirked at the slayer. "This is why we nominated him to head the group when we rebuilt. It's his children who do insane things that we'd have to deal with otherwise." She burst out giggling. "At least you don't give us all that much stress, Faith. Summers ends up being a well of stress thanks to her clothing issues." He pulled out paperwork to start the process of getting Faith home. She came over to fill out the personal things he didn't know. Hopefully it'd be all right again in a few days and he could go back to his less interesting life.

***

Xander looked at the city's guards that came out when he parked. He got out of the truck and grabbed the box from the back and two small velvet bags. He walked over, holding up the box first. "I was rescuing a friend from some idiots down south and found they had stolen artifacts from your people. I'm returning them with the Council's respects and hope you guys don't need more of them rescued. Is there a priestess around somewhere?"

"They would not want to talk to a human, especially a watcher."

"Yeah, well, we rebuilt it. I can always take the Goddess' earrings to sell for weapons for the next invasion if they want." He held up one of the bags with a grin. "Or I can be a respectful asshole and hand them back their things?"

One of the guards went into the city and came back with an elderly crone of a demon. "Him, Priestess."

Xander bowed, not looking at her. "Priestess, I bring these artifacts back with the Council's respects. I found them when rescuing someone." He held out the box first. "That I know should be in a special containment box but that was what they had it stored in."

She touched it and hummed. "Very strong."

He grinned slightly at her chest area. Looking at her face was beyond rude as he had been taught. "It's a decorated skull, Priestess. I peeked to see what it was, but kept it in the dark, and so did one of our other watchers to see what it was." She grimaced but nodded once. "The other two of the three things I rescued were in a simple box but inside these bags. The other disappeared when I was near Numara." He held out the two bags. "One's earrings by feel through the bag. The other seems to be a head piece."

She handed a guard the box, letting him step back and kneel down to hold it closer to the ground. She opened one of the bags and gasped at what came out. "Indeed, that is Her headpiece and a piece of her veil." She looked at him then at the other bag's contents. Two earrings. "Her secondary set."

Xander glanced up at her chest again. "I did not open them, but I'm aware of what earrings felt like. The cache of other artifacts were lesser things. I brought the whole group to Lady D'Isor's temple to have her priests sort it for anything too dangerous that needed handed back. I was paused on the way here by having to rescue one of the girls from being forced into a cave."

"Their cave?" the priestess asked.

"They thought so but it ended up waking Goddess Ara instead." He shrugged a tiny bit, shrinking down again. "I helped her get back to sleep and slightly hid her cave's entry for her but did not block it up on her."

"That's kind of you, Hunter."

He glanced up again. "I'm the head Watcher in Africa, ma'am. I'm doing the job for the baby slayers until they're adults and able to make the choice for themselves."

"We've seen," she admitted. "It's honorable and noble. You're not human."

"I was born in Sunnydale, almost on top of that hellmouth, ma'am. And got exposed to mermaid essence in high school."

"We've seen that as well," she said dryly. "I thank you for this service. Do you ask reparation?"

"Nope." He stood up straighter. "It's yours, it should be with your people. It's not for my people to have that stuff. That sort of colonizing behavior is super wrong and evil. I only fight evil things."

She patted him on the head. "Good human." She limped off. "Thank you and you should forget where we are."

"I would but one of my baby slayers keeps visiting the gardens." She stopped and turned to stare at him. He didn't look up but shrugged at her harsh look. "Sara is one of my minis, ma'am. That's why I keep telling her to stay out of the garden."

"She's a winsome child but the Goddess does like her."

"Her mother would be quite loud but if the Goddess wills then she needs to explain that to her own mother. That way I'm out of beating range."

She laughed. "Indeed. I'll talk to her when she shows up next time." She and the guards went into the city.

Xander got into his truck, then got out and found the other bag, going to lay it outside the gate. "It came back suddenly," he called then ran back to the truck and drove off again.

The guard got the other bag to hand to her. She looked and moaned in pleasure. "At least he was honest and not seeking favors," she decided. A young human girl ran up to her grinning and hugged her. "Why are you out of the garden?"

"I heard Xander's truck and him, and felt his axe." She beamed up at her. "And the necklace looking thingy is loud."

The priestess sighed. "We will go talk to her mother later, child."

"Yes, ma'am." She walked with the priestess. The box tried to move so Sara swatted it. "Bad head! Be better around the priestess!" It quit wiggling. She grinned at the guards. "It's mean! I was told that mean things were bad. Just like my brother is because he's mean." The priestess sighed but nodded, taking the baby slayer with her back to the temple. As the Goddess willed.

***

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