Imagine: The List
Fic posted by members of Vo's Imaginings YahooGroup

Author's Chapter Notes:
Happy Christmas, my people.

Xander's phone, which was supposed to be paid for by the Council but was out of minutes, turned itself on and rang. He looked at it then nodded as he parked and answered it. "Yeah?" A picture came up. "Hey, Giles. Did you guys finally remember you're supposed to be paying the phone bill again?"

"We are?"

"You pay for everyone else's but mine. So I'm assuming you were."

"Hmm. I have no idea. I'll look into that in a minute."

"And my missing paychecks for the last two months too?" he asked with a slight smile.

"Yes, of course. About this report...."

"And the girls' patrol paychecks?"

Giles huffed. "I'll look into all that in a moment, Xander. This report?"

"Which?"

"The cave with the demon queen?"

"Goddess Ara? She's napping again. I helped hide the cave's entry with a few rocks to make it look like it's not usable by people. I woke her up by yelling at the people who had Faith tied up and trying to force her into the cave. I tucked her back in, made sure she had some sealed water in her jug again, and made sure she was comfy before going to hide her entry for her and then go get Faith from the poker hall and get drunk for a few hours."

Giles blinked, taking off his glasses. "Excuse me?"

"What did you want me to do? I even apologized. I was politer than usual."

Giles blinked at him again. "I..." He cleared his throat and put on his glasses again. "I see. Do you perhaps need some mental health care?"

"No. I'm okay. Just a bit stressed since Sara's apparently been summoned to help the Goddess of Maranka. She keeps sneaking into her garden."

"That's a myth!" Giles complained loudly.

"Yeah, so was the skull I just had to give back and some jewelry," he shot back with a grin. "I was very polite and minded all my manners while handing them to a priestess."

"What.... a skull and what?"

"Felt like a necklace you wear on your head and a pair of earrings she identified as her second set."

Giles looked at his shelves, getting up to grab a book and come back, holding up a picture. "Hers?"

"I didn't look. I felt the power, but I only peeked at the skull to see what it was. I felt the power on the other ones."

Giles put the book down as softly as he could and stared at the boy who was like his son sometimes. Today... "Did you perhaps run into someone like Ethan, Xander?"

"No. I was rescuing Sara's older sister from a group and found the artifacts there. I brought them all to Goddess D'Isor's temple to see if anything was too big or dangerous. They told me what the jewelry probably was. There was a third thing but it disappeared when I drove past Numara last time. It reappeared after the priestess went in so I left it outside the gates and left to be polite."

Giles rubbed his forehead. "I want a report, Xander. On every single little thing you've done. Even your lovers in case it comes up and I have to find one to rescue you." He stared at the camera. "Am I clear?"

Xander nodded. "Let me get near a computer tomorrow. I'm not going to be near a library or source of computer service for at least sixteen hours of driving, Giles."

"You have a laptop."

"It got destroyed months ago when it got blown up in my truck. I put that in the report."

"I need to look at those apparently."

"And a few other things," Xander quipped. "Tonight I'm going to camp. Tomorrow sometime I'll get near a library." He waved and hung up.

Rupert got up to get a drink and go to the library. He handed those two reports to the one who handled the Book of Problems. And the not-very-hidden book of Xander Problems. "I'm getting other reports tomorrow because apparently there's been things that we haven't been told." He walked off with his bottle of stout.

"I wonder what the boy did this time," the watcher muttered as he read so he could make appropriate notes. What he saw made him scream in outrage. "He did what?" he demanded. He went to share that with the other old line watchers. They were all horrified.

Harris really had to be retrained to be a proper human being!

***

Giles got the rest of the reports and had to reread them a few times. Once he had to take a nap to stop the headache but he came back to it after the short nap. The other set that came in, because the whole set was too large to email at once apparently, wasn't much better. He finally got down to the last one on the hand over and that was clearly the nicest thing that had happened. He walked the printed reports to the meeting the other old line watchers were having about the boy.

"Because we cut off his support in all ways, including his paychecks," he said with a glare for one of them. "And his phone access, we were not aware of any of these." He put them down so they could read them. "At least he could handle those very...important events without us. Though that is a problem I would not like to see anyone else have, gentlemen and ladies. Including our watcher in Africa from now on. Do fix it for me before I have to recall him here for some time training the girls in residence." He walked off. "He is our second-in-command after all. You all decided on him instead of Willow," he reminded at the first spluttering. Then Giles went to lock himself in his suite and moan about the boy's problems in all meanings of the word.

Downstairs, the old liners were sharing the reports around and moaning about it. It did fill in some odd gaps in the book of Xander Problems. And created a lot more stress. What the boy would've done if he hadn't had to improvise....they'd hopefully never know because changing history would probably cause them all harm.

Buffy leaned into the room they were using. "Is that what Xander was doing recently? The local poker circuit called him really brave to have dared to hand things back but sweet for doing it." That report got handed to her. She read it and frowned. "Um...."

"Very powerful demons, a hidden demon city, and they probably would've killed him," one of the watchers said simply. "He had balls handing them back but he nearly lost them for doing so. Also, there's a rumor that young Slayer Sara down there has met the same sort by sneaking into their garden."

"I'll have a talk with her about not sneaking into holy ground," Buffy said, handing the report off to go nag the girls about being good girls. Clearly Xander had forgotten a few lessons on how to be a good girl.

The watcher over the books stared at one extremely short report. "No comment on how I met Demon Goddess Andra or her consort Tahati," he read. "But they have agreed they would help any slayer that came to her temple to hide." He licked his lips then sighed. "Tahati isn't the consort of Andra the last I knew. He was with her aunt."

"Could our information be incorrect?" another asked, taking it to look at.

"We have first hand accounts of the wedding," the book watcher said. "Including pictures." They all scowled but they'd ask the boy for a clarification. Or one would ask one of the senior girls to ask the local poker circuit.

"How are we going to note this?"

"I'm going to have to add pages into his book," that watcher complained. "The other book as well." He was making notes for himself. He got handed one report from someone across the circle. He read it then held it out further to reread it. "I see." He put it down. "Is anyone else having problems making sure they don't crap themselves?"

"Yes," a few said quietly.

"He's had to improvise. We cut off his support so he had to improvise and taught the girls down there how to do the same." The one who had been their senior outside of Giles shifted in his seat. "We'll take this as the warning it is. Though I hope no one else is made like that boy, it is clearly a strong warning. The girls could use the improvisation skills for battles, and he is the best signpost of that."

Willow walked in to look at him. "Xander was born nearly on top of the Sunnydale hellmouth. Chaos seems to like him a lot. Even Ethan said so." She took the reports but they took them from her. "I can see! I do all the reports before you guys see them."

"Yes, and you edit them," the book watcher said.

"Besides, we don't want to see the fit you'll throw this time, Rosenburg. No one wants Africa to disappear in a hail of magic." She glared. He found one report and held it up. It'd take her some research to find out why that was bad but....she growled. "Exactly. He had to improvise."

She walked off groaning trying to call Xander. His phone was off and even turning it back on didn't make him answer it. She tried a compulsion but apparently he had put the phone down for a bit. She went to look up those names to see how bad it was. When she found out, she was even more mad but Xander still wouldn't answer his phone. She'd have to talk to him when he got back there for the upcoming meeting.

The other watchers sighed in pleasure when she went to be dangerous somewhere else. They had a big problem they had to work on. Would Harris act like a normal watcher if he was treated like one? Or had he been alone for too long down there?

Dawn walked in and stared at them. "We have a bigger problem. The president is still on his kick to get Xander to head SHIELD. He was talking about it today at one of his pep rallies."

The watchers shared a look then nodded and smiled at her. "We'll handle that for the boy too."

"Good! Because his last vision was the next battle he'll have and it'll be televised and problematic." She handed over a copy of that. "So...."

"We can figure that out," another one said. Dawn smirked and nodded. "Thank you, Dawn."

"Welcome. We'd hate to see what Xander would do with SHIELD behind him."

"Well, the world would be safe and the aliens he had to take out would probably leave us alone," the book watcher said sarcastically. "Do you know any of his lovers down there?"

"I know a great many of them. He sends some of them with stuff for us when they come back here. Why?" They showed her two reports. "She's dead," she said with a point at one of them. "Really, truly dead. That was the redhead that saved the minis in the mall." They groaned but nodded. "And the other is....I wanna say fedora guy that brings our postcards and birthday presents from down there." She handed it back with a grin. "He's nice enough, just a bit chilly."

"Good to know. Thank you, Dawn." She smiled and left them to their plotting.

"So we have him nearly starting a harem or a cult with his lovers and we have a whole network of armies down there that will come if he has an emergency." He looked at that vision report. "We have something worse than the First Evil's battle coming as well."

They got into that report first. Future problems had to come before historical problems that they were studying for insanity. Though, praying for the boy's sanity might just become a daily occurrence for a while. He clearly needed it.

***

Xander showed up at Waller's office at his command, grinning and flirting a bit with his secretary since he was on a call. She was giggling about it but was blushing some too. Even when her father sent her a text message saying she may not date Xander because she was not to turn evil. Xander rolled his eyes but grinned at her for that, making her giggle some more. Waller came to the door so Xander looked at him. "What's up? Am I being recalled to Cleveland to take over already because Giles drank himself into a hospital bed or because Willow magiced him again?"

"No, thankfully not, lad." He let Xander into his office. The boy, as usual, sprawled in his visitor's chair. "Rupert and I have been arguing with people all day and most of yesterday to keep you from being recalled to the US to testify before Congress."

Xander scowled. "What did I do that's that bad?"

"Not because of something, Xander. Because the ...man in charge has decided he's crushing on you."

"Again?" Xander demanded, sitting up straighter. "I've made it very clear I want nothing to do with him or his ideas or his crackhead theory that I'd like to do things for him. Really, if he doesn't stop, I'll be suggesting we move the battle I've got to handle in three days over there. Then he can see how heroic his people really aren't."

"Don't threaten to have a battle moved to the US. It's dangerous to say such things, especially in a government building." He gave him a pointed look. "Some see you as everything he isn't, which is good and what you are, but they think you'll help them straighten things up again."

"Yeah, I'd clean house and send a lot of people to therapy," Xander agreed with a nod. "And I'd arrest people for consorting with countries other than our allies." He grinned a tiny bit. "Beyond that, can't go anyway. We have a battle coming up in a few days."

"They are getting demanding."

"I've already turned them down repeatedly, Waller. Can you extend a 'no thank you' more politely than I have since they don't seem to see 'leave me alone' as one?"

"I've been trying. So has Rupert. The ...one in charge decided that you'd bring the slayers into SHIELD." Xander shook his head. "No, we know you wouldn't. That would endanger the girls."

"I might talk a few into becoming field watchers," Xander said, relaxing again by force. "But no. I don't want it, don't need it, and if they try, I'll have to bring the battle I'm in over there. With my girls. And their families." He grinned slightly. "You might mention I'd be a nightmare to guard with the prices on my head, both human and demonic, and the only reason they're not being called in is because no one else will handle battles down here for them.

"Anytime I take a day off, there's rumors of teams gathering to show up to take me out because I've retired. I had to point out even I need a vacation between battles to heal and forget some of the horrible things I've seen down here, mostly done by humans." He shifted to cross his feet. "Do they really want to see terrorists show up to take me out?"

"No, though a few of the old line watchers might be amused," Waller said dryly. "They went over those reports you held out." Xander grinned at that. "They were not amused, lad. I wouldn't smirk about those."

"Neither was I but thankfully I'm down here and Willow can't find me most of the time without my phone and Buffy can't fly down here to nag."

"Which is a good reason to hide down here. What is wrong with your phone this time?"

"They forgot to pay the bill. They pay the phone bills for all the other field watchers but me. My paycheck hasn't appeared in two months either." He gave him a pointed look. "I can go whining to one of my lovers down here but I might not make it to that battle if I do it beforehand. Afterward, most of them don't want to help me clean up injuries so I'd have a few weeks of needing to rest and hide. Camping with broken things or big injuries isn't all that great of an idea."

Waller grimaced. "They do that for me, why don't they do it for you?" Xander gave him a pointed look. "Oh. That reason." Xander nodded. "Why can't Rosenburg find you?"

"Protections I've got done in henna. She can track the GPS chip in my phone but not me." He grinned because he was starting to get that special tingle. "All except here because your office's protections cancel mine out." Yeah, that was heavy magic landing outside. "And I think she's here." Waller got up to look and nodded. "Laters," he said, climbing out a back window so he could go hop the wall. The Marines guarding the embassy gave him an odd look. "Rosenburg showed up to yell at me about being a man sort who did man sort of things." He climbed up and hopped over the wall then ran to his truck to disappear into the desert again.

One of the guards looked at his boss. "I think that's reasonable with the screaming she's doing," he noted. The guard commander nodded, going to make her quit yelling so loudly. It was rude and bothering others. Thankfully the undersecretary had tranq darted her so she was unconscious on his rug. He was calling someone to get her home so they just removed her to a quiet room to rest in. The commander asked who she was so Waller pulled up a video of a battle. That made a lot more sense to him.

***

Xander walked into the command tent for the upcoming battle, putting his axe and guns aside since they were all staring at him. "Yeah, I'm escaping Rosenburg again."

"She'll be here later with some of the slayers."

"Not likely since this one will kill women especially fast." He sent her an email and then got down to laying out how to handle this one. He was exhausted but that happened sometimes. Willow showed up anyway so he looked at her. "It'll kill and eat the women sorts." She growled. He shrugged. "It will. Look it up." He went back to the plans. "Do we have those tanks handily around still?"

"On standby about half a mile away. They're trying to scare off the reporters," one of the generals complained.

"Please let it work," Xander quipped back, grinning at him. "Before we end up having to save a few." They all nodded at that. "Okay, you guys seem to have all that you need. Including it looks like at least machetes?" They all nodded at that. "Great! So maybe I won't spend the next week in a tent with stitches." One of the generals patted him on the back. "You know my boyfriend and girlfriend sorts don't like seeing me anything but pretty and semi perfect."

"We know," another general said. "The slayers coming?"

"Can jump in but it's almost suicide until we get the higher ups gone. By then we'll need reinforcements anyway."

"I can take them out with a fire spell," Willow offered. "From behind the lines."

Xander grinned at her. "Has to be like plasma fire. The last time the incinerators for the parts they left behind didn't burn them. But sure, go ahead and try as long as you don't wear yourself out so you can evacuate the slayers if necessary, Willow." She nodded, looking up a more powerful fire spell on her phone for now. Xander blinked at the generals, who all smirked back. "Okay. Any idea if we'll have another one show up afterward to gloat and try to take their turn?"

"If so, the tanks are handy," the lead general said. "I hate that they do that."

"Me too," Xander quipped. "But sometimes it's D'Isor and she just shows up to nag." He grinned. "It's nice when she nags us guys about being guys." He got another pat on the shoulder and they went out to look over the area with the proto portal. Xander looked at Willow. "Do not draw on the nearest hellmouth," he said quietly. "It opens very easily and it's a traveling one but it's about two miles from a big town." She huffed but nodded. "You nearly did that before and then we would've had to go stop it." He gave her a pointed look. She nodded, pulling up other magic. "Thanks."

Goddess D'Isor showed up with a huff and handed Willow a glowing crystal, earning a squeal and a hug from her. "Thanks, Goddess D'Isor." He kissed her on the cheek. "You should go be safe. These ones want to eat women. You'd be a full banquet." She giggled and blushed but kissed him on the cheek to lay a blessing before leaving. He grinned at Willow. "She's super nice. Her healers are great and I see them once a year so they can check to see if I got more demon blood exposure."

"That's probably a good idea," she agreed calmly. "Who was she?"

"The Goddess D'Isor," the lead general said patiently. "She's shown up to baby him a few times." Xander grinned and nodded. "I have no idea how he came to her notice."

"The Powers That Be bragged about how Anya used to brag about me." Willow moaned and curled up as she squatted down to hold her head. "Yeah, had a few of those visits. Remember the hell goddess that showed up in that portal to have me break her in?" He walked off looking smug.

The general looked down at Willow. "She was a bit pouty but went home without much prompting when he pointed out he only screwed women with dating. We barely had to mess up her clothes when she showed up right after a battle. Thankfully. We were all tired and about out of ammo." He followed Xander so the witch could calm herself down and gather herself for the upcoming battle.

Willow sent Buffy an email about that and the fact that the demons ate women then put her phone up and centered herself with a prayer to the Goddess for Xander to find some sanity and nice girls he could date. The slayers might really mind him dating D'Isor.

***

When the reporters finally made it to the battle site, they saw a desperate battle going on and the one they were there to talk to trying to defend a witch. Then the guy punched the demon. The witch flamed him and the other higher demons. The lower ones screamed and some ran, some ran for the rest of humanity and were stopped by the tanks coming in, and the rest tried to avenge their fallen higher ups.

The local military wasn't in a great shape but then slayers appeared and they dove in to take the military's place. That made more of the lower demons scream and run, mostly for home. Then one more higher demon showed up through the portal and tried to take command. The witch tried to flame him but he just smirked because he had protections.

The hunter grabbed something from someone and fired it at the demon, making him laugh. Then shriek as the explosives set his shields on fire. The witch brought him down since he was distracted by ripping off the top of his skull. She muttered she had meant the whole head but that was good enough she guessed. The battle was over with shortly after that.

Xander was leaning down to catch his breath. He looked around. "Great timing, ladies," he called. "Thank you!" They waved back and Willow brought them home with her. Xander flopped down, not caring he was in some mud. "Damn."

A soldier came over to haul him up. "None of us should lay in demon blood, Watcher Harris."

"Point. You guys okay?"

"Mostly. I don't think we lost anyone outright." They helped the medics clear the field, ignoring the staring reporters. The generals could deal with them. That's why they got the bigger paychecks. Xander did get pulled into the medical tent once everyone else was in there. The two left in the field were dead and someone was going to gather them specially. Xander went to help with that since they only had two and it was a three person job. That got a nod and he went back to clean up and make sure he could limp into the sunset. The reporters were still staring at the battlefield so Xander got to sneak off.

The generals got tired of the staring reporters so finally went to run them off. The regular soldiers got to flee home before they got caught on camera. Their families might not like that they were at that battle but better them than the untrained sorts.

***

Rupert had been demanded to show up to talk to higher ups so he was there being his best staid British self. He was staring at one of the idiots who had made a soul deal, the man's marking was on his throat and easily seen if you had any sort of magical gift, and was confused why the man was mad. "I have no idea why you're so huffy," Rupert said patiently.

"The girls have fought many battles, including here in the US, that got minor press attention. No matter how much we'd like that trend to stop we can't do much about it with the way cameras are everywhere these days. Half the footage shown tends to be from city cameras instead of private sources." He stared at him. "Why would that bother you, Senator? We haven't had a battle in your state since before it was a state."

"We want your watcher to come in."

"I'm afraid Xander's rather busy right now helping the girls down there. We don't have anyone to spare him the work. Also, he has repeatedly told you no about someone wanting him to take up a higher position. He's even deigned to suggest someone else who could do the job better. Xander has never worked as an agent or intelligence official. He'd have no idea how to do such things. He's even said the first thing he would do is arrest anyone who's made a soul deal above a certain level of government and send a great many more agents to therapy first."

"He can't do that! It's not against the law!"

"Well, it rather is. It's covered under collusion by what one of my girls in law school wrote for an opinion paper. Her professor gave her quite high marks for that reasoning but pointed out she had other sources to draw from than personal experience and needed a more legal argument. Her follow up argument to that one was over sixty pages of reasonings in outline form." He smiled slightly. "She got highest marks for that one. We're quite proud."

The man glared at him. "We still need him to take charge of SHIELD."

"Xander would have no idea how to do such. He would also cause a crisis when he investigated things for real. Xander is not the political one in the Council. Nor does he want to be." He stared at him for a moment. "You might want to think about the impact that would have. The boy barely graduated high school, has no college degree, has been taking care of problems and demons in general since he was sixteen with my slayer and in Africa now for over five years. He would not allow such shoddiness. In fact, he's very much more like what you see of FDR in your history classes. Not the full thing as Xander is not in any way biased against anyone not harmful, but he is quite a lot like FDR was said to be."

"He took over a SHIELD unit."

"No, they had been rookies I believe they're called. They hadn't intervened when a mall bombing nearly took place even though it was their job and Xander had to help handle it as he was there at the time getting lunch and a new t-shirt. He got highly upset and made them deal with their own problems but let the local agents handle the base raid itself." He smiled slightly. "It was seen to be riding the line of appropriate but helpful as no one else had handled the problems." He tipped his head slightly and took off his glasses to clean them.

"Xander has no desire to be an agent. All he really wants is for his paychecks to come in on time and his baby slayers to be healthy until they're old women. It's what most of us in the New Council want." He put his glasses back on as he stood up. "I'll let him know that you still desire his presence but I doubt it'll be this week or month as he's presently in the middle of nowhere camping for a few vacation days. That way he can tell if some of the terrorists he had to rob to handle things are going to show up." He left the fuming other man and went back to his hotel to pack and go home. He was at the limits of his tact. Congress was definitely not the House of Commons and Lords. Though many did act like a queen.

The senator went to tell the others with this plot. They had to make that boy do their bidding in their wanted way. Even if they all had to retire suddenly due to their deals being noted, they couldn't get any higher anyway.

***

Xander walked into a demon poker hall and headed right to the back, knocking before walking into the back room. He sat down casually, looking at one of the higher demons on that continent. "I need to blow a debt but in a big way." He grinned slightly. "Because I'm really tired of them trying to make me fix their mistakes."

The demon winced. "The one that tried to attack D'Isor?"

"Who did that?" he demanded.

"Oh, not them? Um, the ones that aren't the group they want you to run?"

"I'll go ask her about that in a few hours, after we talk and I get lunch." He grinned again. "I want to blow the debt I have to your cousin to get the Big Book of Debts, Promises, and Sins released to a real news source for three weeks so they can shout about all the idiots who have deals in the US."

The demon blinked a few times and his color went from blue/gray to almost greenish. "That's.... that will cause quite a lot of stress."

"They're trying to make me head an intelligence agency full of people who think they're heros and who need therapy. Imagine that stress." He grinned again. "It can be a copy or only include their parts. Just a true listing of all the ones in the US governments that have deals or promises given to a real news source for three weeks."

"Someone like CNN?"

"I prefer BBC. They're neutral and outside the US so they can't really be shut down by the government having a panicky girl fit. It'd take a while for them to be shown that it was illegal."

The demon considered it. "I will ask my cousin if he will allow that for that debt."

Xander stood up. "If not, I've got to make a wish to put someone in the white house who'll handle things well and I sincerely doubt we'd want someone like Faith in there."

The demon's color went even more green and he shook his head quickly. "She's not old enough."

Xander leaned down with an insane grin. "She can start as speaker of the house. She'll make a great speaker of the house and move up from there as she ages." He beamed at him. "Don't you think?"

"I...think you need a rest, Hunter."

"I know but apparently I have to go visit D'Isor's temple tomorrow so I've got a bit of driving and the local McDonald's is horrible. There's better down south but not for a few hours."

"Hmmm. Get wings from the bar?"

"I love the Lovasa wings but I can't eat those one handed while I drive." He grinned. "Let me know?"

"Yes, I can do that. Have a good drive and get a decent lunch." Xander smiled as he walked off. The demon cleared his throat, looking at the others who had been playing against him. They just nodded. "It's interesting."

"Can we do both those ideas? I would adore seeing the Slayer Faith having to dress up all the time to do political things to fix their country. She managed it with the baby slayers."

That demon shivered. "That's more evil than you usually are. Were you tainted by a High One? I know you bow to one and if he tainted you we can probably help you weed it out." He pulled out his tiny claw phone to call his cousin and wife. She was over there bouncing on his tiny dick and he knew that but she was welcome to him and he was welcome to her. She was bad in the nest anyway. He spoke to his cousin, who spluttered, choked, and got yelled at by his wife for making a mess that way. News got spread around the local communities and into their online groups so they could be warned that the hunter was going slightly ....mad.

***

Xander strolled into D'Isor's temple. It was partially wrecked. He lifted a column out of his way and put it back against a cracked wall then went to the throne room where she was sobbing. He sighed and moved to hug her, making her swat at him. "It works best if you cry on someone," he said quietly. She cuddled him to sob on him. Finally she pulled herself back together. "Who did it? Let me go...talk to them."

She wiped her cheeks off with the back of her hand. "I don't know who they were, Xander." He took off his t-shirt to wipe her cheeks off. "Thank you."

He kissed her on the tip of the nose. "You didn't deserve this, D'Isor. You're a great woman and highly peaceful, plus you have a great benefit to the region. No one should've done this to you."

She flapped a hand. "The ones who've been attacking the locals chased one this way and called for the temple to be brought down."

"I'll deal with them. Are you injured?" She shook her head. "Then you should go rest and make redecorating plans. It means shopping but I know you're a woman at heart so that makes you slightly happy." She patted his cheek, going back to her hidden areas. Xander turned, looking at the priests. "Should've told me. I would've been down here sooner." They all sighed. "Who?"

"That base of humans," one said with a point. "They seem to revere some octopus loving god of some kind."

"HYDRA then. Okay. Where's the base?" They all shrugged. "Okay, I can handle that. You guys all good? Need me right now as a construction worker?" They shook their heads, a few looking down. "As a shaman?" That got a single nod. "Then let's do that. Then I'll go stomp their asses like they're alien Skrull." He let them lead him to the morgue section of the temple. He could bless the dead and send them on. One was D'Isor's high priest and he hated that. The man had been a good and kind one. He'd make sure he was avenged and followed into the afterlife with servants to see to his needs.

***

Xander found the hostages the base had and shot open the cage doors. "Go," he said with a point. "You've got five minutes to evacuate. Any double agents take with you." They nodded and dragged out the more normal hostages. He cleared the rest, but a Skrull, and then moved to take out the command center. He met resistance, he hadn't met much so far, but they were waiting on him. He patched into their announcement system. "This is Watcher Xander Harris, head watcher in Africa. You have done quite a lot of wrong on the peaceful beings in this region."

"What is it with heros and the PA system?" someone shouted.

Xander chuckled. "At least we're not monologuing types. We leave that for your type. Pity you won't get a chance." He set off the first few explosives and hurried out the hole he had made. "Bye now." He hung up the PA connection as he ran for his truck. The hostages were all gathered off to the side. He waved and whistled. "Get into the back of the truck. I can get you to town. There's a US embassy in the next city, about ten miles that way," he called with a point.

"Or they can call your people from town." They climbed in, making sure the two women were first. Someone came out shooting so Xander turned and shot him in the shoulder. "No. Bad human!" He got in to drive off. "At least it wasn't as nasty as the Skrull thing I had to keep handling." They got dropped off at the local police station, who were mostly straight. They could get them wherever they needed to. Xander went back to help the temple and the local peaceful places rebuild for a bit. He let the mini slayers know so they could send well wishes for healing and rebuilding. A few showed up to help them and the locals were happy with that.

***

Xander looked up as Waller walked into his office, shrugging some at his confused look. "HYDRA went after D'Isor's temple and the local peaceful group around her." Waller moaned as he sat down. "Pity about HYDRA." He stared at him then grinned. "You might have to help the embassy down there some since they've only got one secretary and they're a sub office. Not sure." He tossed over a folder. "Letters of thanks from the locals. A few of my minis came down to help them. Including one tiny one that showed up just to cuddle D'Isor because she was sad and she was too little to do more than that and help cook. She spent most of the last few days cuddling beings in the infirmary and in the temple."

"That's good of them. Why did you go after them?"

"They were attacking the locals," Xander said quietly. "They followed someone fleeing their attacks to the temple and took out her head priest." Waller winced. "I did my duty as a trained shaman to wish him well. They took out half the local community. Thankfully I found a few of them hostage so some of them got saved."

"Damn. That's going to be messy."

"HYDRA are terrorists, Waller."

"I know. I saw their acts in DC and with SHIELD." He stared at him. "Have you told any of them?"

"I don't have anyone's number. You do." He grinned. "Also that's so you can tell the higher ups about it. I didn't do a search for anything like files. I just blew the fuck outta them." He stood up. "I'm going to go back to my two days of remaining vacation in the local inn. Oh, have you looked at the BBC recently?" He left him to think about that and how to report that to both sets of his higher ups.

Waller read the report and sighed. He pulled the card out for those SHIELD people. "This is Watcher Waller. I have a report from some of my people on what happened to a HDYRA base." He listened to the spluttering. Someone else took the phone. "Oh, Dr. Fitz. Thank you for taking the call. Apparently there had been a HYDRA base that was bothering some peaceful community members and took out a temple to the Goddess D'Isor. It was solved by some of our sorts. Where should I send the report?"

He punched that into his fax machine and sent it. "There you go, Dr. Fitz. Do have a better day." He hung up and sent it to Rupert first and then his higher ups in the State Department. Then he got online to look at the BBC site. Which was mysteriously down. So he got into it on his magically powered phone. No, it wasn't down. Someone was trying to block the head story about important people who had done demonic deals for power. "Oh, dear," he sighed. He sent that at Rupert as well. Rupert might have to lock himself in the office to swear so the girls didn't hear. He'd wonder how that happened but it appeared Xander had something to do with that.

He did think to warn his superiors in the State Department in case they hadn't heard. That way no one would question his loyalty.

***

Faith walked out to shoo the reporters off. "People, and I use that term loosely, you know you can't be out here when the minis have to go to school! So shoo!"

"Slayer Faith, can you comment on the people who want to nominate you to be a congress member and Speaker of the House?" one reporter called. "The demons said someone wished!"

Faith blinked a few times. "Hell no! I don't want that! Who was that stupid! Is it the same ones that want our watcher to head SHIELD?"

"We're not sure he didn't do it," she called. "So no comment?"

"Hell no I'd do that! I don't need that stress! Or that pressure! Fuck no! And get away so the girls can catch their busses!" The reporters ran from Willow coming out. She stared at her. "What the hell!"

"From the rumors last night, Xander said if he's being forced to head SHIELD he'll wish you to be the Speaker of the House and then president." She patted her on the arm with a grin. "It's probably to save himself." Faith stomped inside to go sulk. Willow created a smoke screen for the girls so they could run for the busses. Then she went inside to watch the fits going on.

Giles was yelling about debts so apparently someone was gambling again. She wondered if they had lost weapons. She turned on the news, which was showing the talking portion with someone talking about politicians who owed demon debts. So that explained it. She turned it off and went to the library to get back to her private research.

Giles could deal with the political things. That's why he made the big bucks. And probably why he had been called to talk to a senator recently.

***

Giles walked the faxed reports into the library, going right to the watcher over the books of Problems. "We have one that has hidden things with what Xander's had to do?" he asked quietly. The guy nodded slowly. Giles handed over the reports. "He was avenging and helping the peaceful community down there, including the temple for D'Isor."

The watcher read it over then cleared his throat. "It's good that he helped them and the slayers down there went to help him and show their support by helping rebuild." He looked up. "Are we sure this should be in any of the books, Rupert? It might give some ideas."

"Some day, slayers may need to know that ideas are proper if they're helping people. Unlike his wish to have Faith become the Speaker of the House if they make Xander head SHIELD. Then she'd become president when she was of age."

The watcher gripped the table. "Excuse me?" Giles nodded, handing over the notes he had gotten from a local source. "Oh, dear. He's blown a debt to get that book out as well."

"Only the ones in the US, as asked, and it went to the BBC because they're more neutral toward US politics." He smiled slightly. "He told them to leave him alone. He had to handle it without support."

"We really do need to get Waller to support him more."

"He showed up to report that to Waller this morning and warned him about the BBC. Then I asked the local community's gossips." He shrugged. "It's ...creative."

"It's destructive in another way," the other watcher shot back but he was smiling. "He could come home."

"I'm afraid he's let us know that, while handling things, he had to go raid a few...not very pleasant groups to handle battles. So they want to kill him for that. Including the remains of a few that he tricked into handling the battles since he couldn't do it by himself." The watcher gripped the desk again, staring at him. "Indeed. Right now he's safe because no one else wants to handle huge demonic emergencies down there. If he should stop...."

"Understood. We'll work on giving him someone to back him up. Someone with sense. That way he's not alone with his truck and the baby slayers he trains." He smirked at his boss. "I'll spread this to the others so they quit trying to hamper him too."

"Please. It's amusing what he can do if he wants to. With the rest of his poker debts, there's no telling what he'll have to do next time something huge happens." He walked off. "I'd understand that being classified for the next five years."

"I can do that. Before Faith or your slayer get *ideas*." Willow came over to see. "No. It's now classified for five years."

"I help put in reports anyway." She snatched it to read, her eyes going wide. "He did what!" she demanded.

"What your slayer might've done to protect the peaceful beings. Only the boy likes explosions, like many boys these days do." She walked off to talk to Buffy and Faith, if they had pulled her out of her closet. He put that into the book then took it to talk to the other watchers. He turned on the tv to the station that got BBC reports. One pulled up their online page to put onto the tv when the news wasn't on.

He pointed. "Harris blew a poker debt because they wouldn't leave him alone and possibly a second to make a wish that if he is appointed Faith becomes the Speaker of the House and eventually president." He handed over the reports. "He had to get creative because he was also protecting some of the locals down there from terrorists." He walked off. "Rupert said that's classified for five years. It's in the book so you can burn it later."

They shared it around while looking at what the BBC had found. It was horrifying how many people in the upper levels of the US government had to retire suddenly. Thankfully the boy hadn't gone against the British government so that was all safe for a bit. Maybe someone would realize that the boy kept acting out to get away from their desires. Hopefully soon before martial law was ordered by the Pentagon.

***

Jane Foster walked her assistant and a hostage they had tied up into the safe house she had been at before. She flopped down to call for SHIELD to show up but Coulson walked out of the kitchen with a mug of coffee.

"Oh, blessed Goddess," Darcy said, taking the cup to sip. "You rock, Agent i-Pod thief. Thank you."

He looked at the tied up man. "You...."

"Has the patch thingy," Darcy said quickly. "And he's injured. He was so injured he was babbling." She drank half the cup of coffee, handing the rest to Jane when Jane pouted. "I'll go make more." She took back the empty cup to go make more coffee.

Phil Coulson looked at Brock Rumlow. "You were a triple agent?" He nodded slowly. "To whom do you answer?"

"Fury himself. I have an identification chip in my left side, sitting against my third rib."

Phil nodded, coming over to check it from his phone. "I see." He sent Fury a text message with a picture. He got back a 'yes he was'. "Nick said you were." He untied him. "Why did you go after Dr. Foster and Miss Lewis?"

"Someone decided to blow up the base we were using. They were hostages. I was hoping she could get me back to one of you, Coulson. How long have you been alive?"

"Mostly all along. Fury." That got a nod and a grimace. "What happened?"

"The first we knew, some white guy showed up and got into the PA system and told us we shouldn't bother peaceful people then blew the fuck out of the base."

Jane leaned out with a grin. "We were in the nearest town and they praised Watcher Harris for helping rebuild the things that some HYDRA agents ruined, like a temple. He admitted he didn't know they had hostages until he found them and let us escape before he blew it up." She went back into the kitchen.

Darcy came out with three cups, handing out the spares. "He also led the town's peaceful demon group in mourning prayers and rebirth prayers. He studied with some of the groups he's worked with while native."

"That was Harris?" Rumlow demanded with a point. Darcy grinned and nodded. "You're sure?"

"Yup. We ran into him before," she admitted with a grin. "I flirted with him but he said I wasn't dangerous enough for him. I was just tipsy." She smiled. "He's a nice enough guy."

"He was when I talked to him as well," Coulson admitted. "It does not surprise me any that he could blow a base. He did to many Skrull installations and also to the group that he had to stop from bombing a mall." He sipped his coffee. "Nicely done, Lewis."

"Thanks." She went back into the back of the house. "It was cool that his baby slayers showed up to help the local community rebuild too."

"It was very nice of them," Coulson agreed. "I wonder if that was before or after he asked someone to release the names of all the demon debted politicians in the US to the BBC." He took another drink. Rumlow groaned and sat down. "Yes, which is why the President wanted him to take over SHIELD."

"Is Fury still in charge?" Coulson waved a hand while sipping his coffee. "Okay. At least you know what you're doing and you're not an asshole like he was." He looked into the back then at him again. "Are they normal?" he asked quietly with a point.

"For them, yes. Many scientists are like that." He stared at him. "I want a full debrief on what you've found."

"Gladly. I was sent to that one after that one group with the control chips got taken out."

"That was good work." He stared at him. "Do you have documentation?"

"Very little but it's in a safe drop online." He pulled out his phone to access it and hand it over. Coulson sat down to sip coffee and read it while Rumlow got ready for his debrief and calmed down. He had spent three days with Lewis and Foster so he was probably a bit jumpy.

***

Nick Fury showed up at the safe house that night around midnight. People were still up. Jane was scribbling math stuff at the kitchen table. Rumlow had succumbed to eating enough to rest. Coulson was still going over the files he had brought out. Fury stared at his co-head. "Why is Harris the most dangerous being to SHIELD?"

"Because he doesn't want to be one of us so we're making him fight us back," Coulson said simply, handing over his notes. "He wouldn't have blown a debt to get intel to the BBC if we weren't forcing him to react. Or, from the rumors, to make Slayer Faith the future president."

Fury shuddered. "That's a bad thing." He went back to his reading. "He good?"

"Injured. Resting. Miss Lewis fed him into a nap."

"She's like that and that's not a bad thing sometimes." He handed the notes back. "Where do we stand now?"

"That base is rubble by the satellites. They abandoned it for another one. I sent that to you earlier."

"I sent agents to scope it out. Two extremely large, toothy demons were stomping on the remains of it saying they would not allow them to take out baby slayers or the peaceful sorts who just wanted a real life." Coulson smiled at that news. "Any idea on any of the heads?"

"Zimbabwe," Rumlow said from the doorway. "Fury."

"You made it."

Rumlow nodded. "I was going to evacuate a few of the hostages under cover of recapturing them and got tied up by Lewis and Foster."

"Foster could probably create a problem that would give us all fits."

"She did, sir. She had fiddled with a portal thing and it was sucking in agents to an unknown location."

"They were idiots so they went to a hell realm, hopefully the one with the germ puppies," Jane called from her room. "Then Harris walked up and unplugged it on me."

"Pity. The germ puppy was cute and could probably use more new friends," Darcy said, coming to the doorway to smile at Fury. "It was really nice of Xander to rescue us when he was avenging them taking out some of the peaceful sorts."

"It was," Nick Fury agreed. Mostly to keep himself from being tazed by the spunky brunette. "Any idea where he is now?"

"Probably still helping rebuild," she admitted. "Some of his baby slayers came to help too."

"That's good of them," Coulson said. "She flirted with Harris once but he said she was too tipsy."

"I knew she was dangerous when she had to be," Fury quipped. He looked at Rumlow. "Debriefing?" Coulson handed over an audio recorder. "Thank you. Are you coming in?"

"No, sir. They'll definitely track me."

"You can sign on to be a watcher," Darcy quipped with a smirk for him. "I'm sure you can handle a sword and artillery and all the other things they do."

He looked at her. "They'd never trust me around vulnerable girls, Lewis."

"Not like they aren't desperate. Especially in this area since it's only Harris and one watcher who does State Department work," Coulson admitted. "Harris has proven what he's able to do when he's not supported. They quit paying him for over two months," he told Fury, who shuddered. "Exactly. He's got no help, not a lot of support, and there's prices on his head from having to get groups to defend themselves a few times." He smirked slightly. "It was pretty when a Taliban sub-group had to defend their village from something huge. But better them than a school."

Fury just nodded. "I had to take down the posters a few people made of him."

"And just think, they want him to head SHIELD," Darcy quipped with a smirk for them.

"You need a nap," Rumlow told her. "He'd ruin things."

"Actually he said first thing he'd do is take out anyone who was doing illegal collusion or had a demon debt since that can be counted as collusion, and then he'd send most of the rest of SHIELD to therapy," she shot back with an evil little grin.

"SHIELD would turn into the CIA if we were normal, Lewis. Go rest." He pointed. "Really. Before you help him go evil."

"If he wanted to tap me, I might not mind," she admitted. "His rumors state he's fantastic in the sack."

Jane came out to haul her back in there. "By the kitten poker circuit he has phenomenal stamina thanks to battles and an ex girlfriend who wanted so much sex he almost never rested."

"You play kitten poker?" Fury demanded, hands going to his hips while he glared at her.

"Yeah! I wanted to find out about their portals and sciences from other realms." She smiled. "They're happy to talk to me and Darcy a lot. And math is still good for card counting when you're playing poker." She went back in there, shutting the door so the agents could talk without woman power.

Fury pointed. "If Harris takes over, we'll all be like Lewis."

"I've been handling things quietly," Coulson reminded him. "SHIELD really has to come out of the closet, Nick. Including you being alive." He walked off. "You should rest, Rumlow. We can't evacuate you for two days unless you go back with Fury."

"They'd probably decide you changed sides," Fury told him. He nodded he knew that. "Hill's with the Avengers."

"I'll try to make contact with her if I go back to the US, sir." He went back to bed. He'd need rest to deal with Foster and Lewis for two days without knocking the smirk off someone's face.

Coulson smiled at his former boss. "Could be worse."

"True. Harris could already be in charge and Lehane could be the president," he shot back.

"Slayers are protective of the normal people and support the peaceful communities. She'd probably push for human rights for everyone and better support for the military as they learned swordwork." Fury walked off with the notes and audio recorder. He needed to be back around his regular agents again. Coulson sat down to call Maria, sending over copies of those files to her. "So, I just talked with Nick."

She grimaced on his camera screen. "Huge problem?"

"HYDRA was attacking a peaceful community so Harris handled it for them. I have Foster and Lewis here, who brought in Rumlow."

"Excuse me?"

He nodded. "With a chip."

"Damn it! I wish he had told me!"

"I didn't know either," he said calmly. "He's here healing. With Foster and Lewis."

"I'll see if Stark wants them there."

"Apparently they used a portal to send a few agents to the same realm that germ creature in Wakanda came from. Harris unplugged it as he walked past them." She rubbed her eyes. "Nick just left with debrief materials."

"I noticed the files you sent me." She got into them. "Great." She looked at him again. "Any other news?"

"A wish was made that if they named Harris head over SHIELD Lehane would eventually become president." He smiled slightly. "Which could be quite good for the US but I'd hate to have mandatory therapy visits."

"I think I could use some. Thanks for letting me know. I'll go talk to Stark to see if he wants to evacuate them." She hung up and took an antacid to chew on her way up to the main sitting area. She summoned Stark and Rogers both out there. She got Natasha and Clint too since they had been in the labs with Tony going over their weapons. She sipped her water, waiting until they sat down.

"A few notes came up from Coulson." They all nodded. "First. Stark, someone rescued Lewis and Foster from HYDRA." He arched an eyebrow up. "Coulson wanted to know if you wanted them. Foster apparently opened a portal to suck people to where the germ demon puppy came from." He shook his head, letting it flop down. "But Harris unplugged it on her." She looked at the other three. "I just found out Nick Fury had triple agents."

"Sounds like him," Natasha agreed. "Any we might know?"

"One we know for certain. Lewis and Foster brought him with them." She flopped down the folders of information. "Rumlow."

"Seriously?" Steve demanded. She nodded. "Why?"

"Because they would trust him," Natasha reminded him. She looked through the information. "Where is he now?"

"There. Coulson did his debrief. Lewis walked behind him when he called to hit what looked like a bathroom."

Natasha nodded once. "She is feisty."

"Very," Clint agreed. He looked at Stark then at Hill. "Are we importing Foster and Lewis?"

"I think we'd all like them safely somewhere."

"Yes we would. There's no telling what Jane could do." That got a single nod from Clint. "Or Lewis with her taser."

"I'm hoping HYDRA took it from her," Clint said. "Before she gets me. Though both do play kitten poker. I've heard them being talked about. Jane was asking people about off-realm science stuff."

Tony slapped his face with his hand and sighed. "Great. Just great."

"We could let them go to Cleveland," Natasha said. "If they don't show up around here."

"We can set that up," Hill said, looking at Stark. "Preferences?"

"Malibu. More secure facility. We have one from there that's up in the mountains because two of my people out there are people phobic and wanted to work in the middle of nowhere. That'll suit Foster and Lewis best." She nodded, making that note to Coulson. "So is Fury still a ghoul or did he do the rite to become human again?"

"He insists he's a ghost," she shot back.

Natasha looked at the report about the base going down. "Why..." She reread it. "He took out a base because they bothered a demon enclave?"

"They do support the normal peaceful groups," Rogers reminded her, taking it to read. "Huh." He handed it to Tony since Clint already had it. "How do we handle things?"

"Someone has made a wish that Lehane would become the president if Harris is put over SHIELD." Natasha choked, shaking her head with a moan. "We suspect he's also over the reason the BBC got given the list of politicians with demonic debts."

Clint grinned and nodded. "He blew an important poker debt for that one according to the local poker circuit. Three weeks, at least the US's version, and they'd know why they were getting it." Hill shivered. "Which probably was the same time he might've made that wish about Faith."

Natasha looked at him. "Any other intel on him?"

"Yeah. His people are screwing with him on purpose to make him quit. He hasn't had a paycheck in months. They're supposed to pay his phone and haven't. Which meant Rosenburg couldn't find him to complain for a bit. Also, someone said that they made Harris admit to things he hadn't sent in reports about. Including some battles." Hill groaned, leaning back.

Natasha went to find a computer so she could hack them. The Council had almost no computer security to speak of and the emails were there in Mr. Giles' inbox, filed into a folder with Xander's name on it. She printed all the reports out for them to go over then put the computer down once Stark had the good ream of paper. They went over those reports carefully. Steve was doing a lot of moaning about things. Stark was muttering. So was Hill. Natasha looked at them. "You remember how we got turned into comic books? How Harris used to really like Clint's version? We should turn some of this into one. That way they could get future hunters."

"I'd stan that comic," Clint quipped. "He's more nuts than I am and handles worse things." He handed one report to Steve. "He handled a battle with a sword while naked. In the rain."

Steve read it then frowned and reread it. "What the hell!" He looked up at Hill, who took it to read and sighed. He looked at Stark.

"Some demons might consider our clothes like body armor I guess. I wouldn't want to be swinging a sword while naked. Too much risk for injury."

Natasha nodded. "Me either." Clint patted her on the shoulder with a grin. "I know you've had a few."

"They broke in," he defended. "What did they expect me to do? Give up and give them a show? Unfortunately they got one when I had to dive for a weapon but...." She punched him on the arm. He grinned back.

Hill held up a hand. "I don't want to know. Thank you." She looked at Steve, who was staring at another report. "What's that one?"

"Oh, another naked battle. They summoned him from bed." He handed it to her.

She read it, wincing. "Wow." She handed it to Clint.

"At least they gave him a ride back so he didn't have to hitchhike naked," he said, handing it to Natasha, who got it snatched by Stark. Clint picked up one. "A fuck or die thanks to a witch fighting back...and it looks like they got some Asgardian warriors somehow." He reread that one more slowly. "Um....hmm." He handed it to Rogers. "If we do, what are we going to do while Nat's hiding from us?"

"Hope masturbation works and Pepper's willing to cure mine," Stark shot back, taking that one to read. "Oh, wow. Okay." He handed it to Hill. "Can we make something to do that the next time we have an invasion. We can send it at them and let them all fuck it out instead of fighting us." Steve glared at him. "It'd be much nicer and maybe they'd never do it again."

"That would bring consent issues but I personally don't have much of a problem with that," Natasha told them. "They are invading as an army. It would mean fewer injuries in the battle on our side. Or using it on a HYDRA base." Everyone stared at her. "They would not hesitate to use it on us."

"Well, if you take up magical study, you can pull that rabbit out of a hat if we need it," Stark told her. She grimaced. He looked at Hill. "Anything upcoming from them on battles?"

"Not that I've heard recently. I heard about the last one. They had to stagger it and bring the slayers in late because the higher ups behind the invading ones ate women." Natasha grimaced. "That one was covered by news crews." She looked online. "The vision site he uses to put his on hasn't been updated in about two weeks." She looked at that one. "No, that wasn't him putting one up.

"It was one about him." She considered it then sent that notice to Coulson. He could get it to Harris since he was down that way. She looked up. "He's going to be seriously injured, possibly kidnaped, and then he's going to have to fight his way free." She put that up on a virtual screen for her to see. A notice underneath it said it was for another Xander, could theirs tell that one during the convention that was coming up.

"Convention," Natasha said. "What sort of convention would have him talking to others of himself?" She looked at Clint, who looked too relaxed. "You know about it?"

"Yeah. Apparently all the other realm hims have a convention yearly to go over ideas, threats, and problems."

"That's a horrifying thought," Hill decided. "Here?"

"I'm guessing somewhere neutral. You'd have to ask someone like Foster about them having it here."

She nodded, tapping that email to Lewis. Foster was notorious for not answering emails from SHIELD agents. She included the link to that vision just in case she needed it for the math.

***

Darcy found Xander at a poker hall and sat next to him, facing him instead of the table. "Hey." He grinned at her. "Few things came to notice. Including a warning vision for you." She handed the printed copy over.

He read it, nodding slowly. "I can warn ship Xander of that." He looked at her. "What else?"

"Hill wanted to be warned if you're going to have another huge battle. That way she can tell the Avengers guys?" She grinned. "They got copies of your reports and had a slight freak out about naked battles." He laughed, nodding some. "Third." She teased his bicep with her fingertips. "Your ex-girlfriend ran into SHIELD and they had a huge fight because the guy in charge said she's a bad girl but she's been looking for you and nearly took Jane to help her find you."

"Which one?" He sipped his mixed drink and chewed on the fancy cherry.

"The redheaded one with the tiny waist with tattoos." She pulled out her phone to show her. "Jane sent the message back about her looking for you while she was treating her injuries from running into a former SHIELD guy."

He took it to look at. "Julia," he said, handing it back but frowning. "Where is she?"

"We're about two towns over in the Carva."

"I know that inn. I'll be there tonight."

She smiled. "That'd be great, Xander. We don't want to worry SHIELD people or Jane. Should Jane let her rest without supervision?"

"With those injuries you should've probably taken her to the ER."

"She said not to. They were magically caused so they can't do anything about them."

"Huh." He folded and stood up, taking his winnings with him. Darcy got up to walk out with him, handing over the other picture Jane had taken. He grimaced. "That's bad and nasty." He handed it back. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." She smiled and teased his bicep again. "And I'm not even drunk and flirty this time." He blushed but smiled back. "You rush over there. I'm picking up stuff for Jane so I'll be back there in about an hour."

"The local ride going that way is spotty at best."

"I hired privately. Jane and I have been in some pretty out of the way places." He nodded, getting into his truck to drive off. She went back inside to talk to the bartender about what Jane had blown a poker debt on. The book got handed over and she took it to the market to get some snack stuff before going back to where Jane was.

***

A demon hesitantly tapped Faith on the shoulder where she was having fun in the club. She wasn't even hunting. She looked at the demon. The demon pointed and she nodded, following him. "What's up?" she asked once they were somewhere more quiet and private.

The demon cleared his throat. "Slayer Faith, the local overlord sent me to inform you that the wish that wasn't totally wished may have to come to pass." She glared. "They have taken a vote to put the Knight in charge of something, though they were not sure what. There's ones that owe debts who think that it will move humanity forward. Which would leave the not-exactly-a-wish of you having power coming due because it would be better for those sorts. When they heard about it, they got very happy." He grimaced. "The overlord is thumping his head fin on the hardest walls he can find but he wanted you warned that they were coming for you. Also that there's people who do election things who think it's a great idea so they're pushing for you to be elected in this region."

"If I leave the US will they stop?"

He shrugged then shook his head. "I have no idea how that would go with the election. The overlord has let the whole community know that you do not favor being put into a position of power. Or the Knight. He has encouraged us not to vote for you if it comes up, unless you state that it's the only option for humanity to work again." He shrugged again. "We do not want to stress you out, simply warn you."

She patted it on the head. "Thank you for the warning. Anyone told X?"

"We cannot find him. He went to baby a former girlfriend who got injured while trying to summon a demon, though he has yelled at her for it. When he heard why she had the magical injuries he got very mad at her for the attempt to make him handle the demon for her so she got the deal she wanted."

"Yeah, he doesn't like being used," she agreed, frowning some. "A good girlfriend?" The demon shook his head. "Then he's lost a few and he'll pout a bit and find a new one hopefully. Maybe even one that's better." She considered it. "If they try to elect me to anything I'm leaving the US. You can assure the overlord that I don't want that sort of job. Even if it was going to save humanity I don't want that sort of job. Fuck no in fact!" The demon smiled at her.

"Thank you for warning me and let him hear the same thing. Let me go talk to Giles. It was my night off too," she sighed, heading out to go back to the house. The demon fled to tell his boss what she had said. And that he heard her venting when she waited for a cab. She was loud enough that someone tried to have her arrested for her ranting until she told them she got bad news and was on her way home. The overlord would be pleased with that.

Faith stomped into the house, slamming the door behind herself. "Meeting in the office!" she yelled. "B, get your skanky ass in there too! G! Tweedy! 'Drew!" She stomped that way. Andrew was the last in but he closed the door. Faith kicked a bookcase and looked at Giles. "Xander didn't wish that I get a position in Congress but the ones that took a vote to put him in charge of something, and they weren't sure what, think that it'll help if they gift me too. There's some normals who've heard that idea and decided to try to work on it too. I've promised if someone tries to force me to serve in congress that I'm going to leave the US."

Buffy spluttered. "What?" she demanded.

"Xander didn't ask for me to be so *blessed*," Faith repeated more slowly. "But others heard him having that idea to pay people back for electing him to something by bringing me into his misery. Now normals are thinking about the same damn idea. They want me to run for congress." Willow burst out giggling. "Not. Kidding. The overlord sent someone to warn me." She looked at Giles then at Andrew. "Can you find it to see how serious it is? Because I'll flee the US like I'm HYDRA fleeing from some guy in spandex."

Andrew pulled out his phone to look that up. He blinked, letting her see the page they had made for her. "It's...possibly serious. They even talk about why you and not the other slayers. Buffy's airhead times knocked her out of the idea. Most of the rest they don't know a lot about. They know you grew up poor, had problems, healed, and now you're a senior slayer that the girls look up to." He looked up to see her scowling.

He went back to looking. "They address the point that slayers do not do political things. They said sometimes you had to sacrifice a moral to save humanity. Slayers were unique in that they had to do that by hunting already. In this case it might take you sacrificing hunting to handle the stupid going on in Congress." He let her see the phone. She growled her way through it. "The poll numbers they're using show you've got a good following."

"Hell. No," Faith ordered, handing the phone back to him. Giles held out a hand so Andrew let him have it.

"Oh dear," Giles sighed. He looked at her. "Do you want me to send you out of the US?"

"I'm pretty sure I might need an escape plan," she agreed.

"What happens if they do elect her against her will?" Buffy asked. "She can't say no then, right?" Giles shook his head. "So we need to talk to people before then?" Giles nodded quickly. "Okay, so we need PR people?"

"Fuck it, I'll go talk to the reporters hanging around," Faith complained, leaning on a wall to pout with her arms crossed over her chest. "I can see why X made the suggestion to convince people to leave him alone."

"You said that they elected Xander to head something," Willow said. Andrew took his phone back to look it up. "I can do that on the office system, 'Drew."

"I'm on a few mailing lists," he told her. "They keep forgetting I'm here." He tipped his head. "The House committee on intelligence activities has put forth a motion to nominate Xander to head ....no disclosed agency. They noted there's six openings in various agencies he could fill but they feel he'd bring some stability and some heroic moments to the US government."

"They could use it," Buffy agreed. "So how do we spare both of them? Before we have to watch someone invade DC to get them?"

"With so many that have deals, they probably have a guest room at the ready for something higher," Faith complained. She huffed again. "How do we save me?"

"First, we talk to others," Giles said. "We put out notices that Faith is not open to a political office. Or Xander. We have not been very loud about denying their urges against Xander and we must be louder. I'll get with the others to talk to them. Andrew, pull up those sites for me please. Then start some water for tea and bring in the good scotch.

"I fear I could use it if no one else could." Andrew moved to pull those sites up on Giles' computer. He looked at Faith. "If it should come close to a vote I'll send you off, Faith. We will not sacrifice you." She relaxed and nodded. "I'll also chastize Xander about nearly throwing you under a bus that way." She let out a tiny smirk. "Go relax. It's your night off."

"Cocoa's frozen in the big freezer. Just nuke it for a minute," Andrew told her with a grin. She nodded, going to do that. Nuking it made it turn very creamy and almost pudding like. He got out of the way. "Let me get the others. Two might be at home." He jogged off to find the other watchers. "Guys, Giles needs an emergency meeting in his office," he called into their usual hanging out area.

"Like with all of you. He told me to bring tea and scotch, the good stuff." They groaned but went to see what had happened now. Andrew went to the kitchen to start on tea and found the good bottle of scotch. He winced when the shouting started, bringing the tea trolley then. He knocked, pushed the trolley in, then closed the door without having to go in there. Some of them had magic too and he didn't want to have to defend himself tonight.

***

Rupert looked at the gathered watchers, calling the few that weren't there. "We have two problems to discuss, and they are quite serious," he noted once two of the three on the phone had answered. "Someone tell Phipps since he's apparently with his girlfriend." He cleared his throat. "A demon came up to Faith when she was in the club having a night off. Sent by the overlord."

That got a few groans. "There's two combined issues. One, they decided to elect Xander to some political position earlier today." That got a few shouts. He held up a hand as the trolley got shoved in. "Thank you, Andrew." He looked at them. Then he turned the monitor so they could see the resolution drawn up and voted on.

"That will not be good for anyone," one of the local watchers said stiffly.

"Especially not with the prices on his head," another agreed. He got up to turn on the pot of water to let it warm and poured himself some scotch. "How is the other one combined? Before I get plastered, Rupert?"

"When Xander was talking people out of it, he said he'd have to bring Faith along via a wish to make her Speaker of the House and then President. Some normals have heard that idea and thought it grand. They've formed an election committee without her input or agreement. She's presently second in the state." That one spluttered and nearly spilled the scotch. "We only have the one bottle of that good of scotch, Reg. Do be careful not to spill it or throw it."

"What does Faith want out of that?" one of the ones on the phone asked.

"She's stated bluntly she does not want it and is planning on escaping the US. I'm trying to figure out where to send her." He let them see the election site. One of them read it to the ones on the phone. "She's most distressed and came in stomping, swearing, and wild eyed. How do we help her avert this crisis, people?"

"I dare say she's not the only one to swear right now," one of the ones on the phone said. Someone in the room's phone rang so he answered it and put it on speaker. "Nice to have you join us, Phipps," that one said dryly. "We're presently talking about how two of ours are being forced into government service."

"Excuse me? Beyond the push to put Harris in front of some group or another?" that one complained. It showed he was the guy in charge of the Books of Problems.

"Yes, some smaller committee earlier decided he had to be put somewhere soon. There's six open spots and they didn't name which one," Rupert said. "Normals heard that he thought about asking for Faith to become the president if he did and decided it's not a bad idea but for right now she could become speaker of the house." Phipps choked and spluttered.

"Indeed. How are we dealing with this with them? Faith's ready to flee tonight. Xander is presently not exactly in touch. He's nagging an ex-girlfriend who tried to use him." A few moaned. "It does go over why slayers don't serve the government and how this sacrifice might have to be made so the US doesn't fall apart."

"Lehane is...."

"Swearing," Giles said. "She dented my bookshelf and swore a bit while telling us what the local overlord had sent a messenger to warn her about."

"That was pleasant of him to warn her," one of the few females said patiently. She got up to get some scotch and sat down to sip it. "It was her night off as well, wasn't it?" Giles nodded. "Poor girl." She took another drink. "Can we start with a note to the press vultures?"

"I have no idea," Giles admitted. He looked at his phone. He sent a text message, getting one back almost immediately with an apology to Faith. "Xander said he thought it would discourage people because they wouldn't want Faith in charge of people but he realized how desperate some people in the States are to get free of the current dolts." He got another message and thanked him.

"He knows someone who could handle politics to advise the both of them. He'll contact them to see if they can be of help. He did state he's not coming back from Africa so if they really must elect him without his permission they'd have to send a strike team down to kidnap him." He looked up. "He's not amused in a way that usually means he's fighting something." A few winced. Giles took a deep breath. "Get me some scotch please?" He handed over his tea cup for it to be filled. "How else do we handle this?"

"We must get notes out to the public so they drop that idea," the female one said. "I can see why they think she'd be protective of the US and helpful to those who hate what's presently going on. It is a sacrifice of morality like being a huntress is." The others nodded. "But we must set up a statement saying that it is not allowed for slayers to do such duties as she has to serve all peoples, including those in other countries that may not be friendly to this one."

Rupert nodded slowly. "Let's start there and formulate if they don't drop it for either one. Xander has been fighting back rather hard. Hence the list hitting the BBC." A few shuddered. That mess had caused a lot of fits among the press sorts. A lot of resignations as well. "He's even suggested others who could do the job even better and had worked with agents before."

"The one pushing it really must not be grounded mentally," she said dryly. "I have no idea why he's fixated on Harris."

"Because he's a normal man and does heroic things that usually mean you're on a special response team that wears a lot of spandex," Phipps complained. "At least we know he doesn't want it. It'd be worse if he was happy about it."

"I'd put him in to be unpossessed if he liked that idea," Rupert said, sipping his scotch. A few others got tea and the bottle was emptied before others got any at all. Rupert pointed at his bar so they could have the lesser scotch instead.

***

Up in New York, Maria Hill accepted the text message and read it, frowning. Then the two following it with more details. "Oh, dear. Yes, we need to stop that. We've been working to stop it and them including Senior Slayer Lehane is not good," she agreed, typing that back. He sent the address of the group trying to get Faith elected. She read it over then moaned.

"Fuck." Her assistant jumped and gave her a horrified look. She flapped a hand before typing back she'd talk to people to at least spare Lehane if she could, and him as well. He thanked her and said he'd be sober the next day if she needed to ask him anything and Faith was panicking. And packing.

She agreed that was a good idea and she'd work on it from their end. She got up and went up to the Avengers common area, finding the woman she wanted. She sat down across from Pepper and smiled, making Pepper Potts put down her glass of water. "Yes, it's that evil."

"How bad? Did Tony do it?"

"Harris tried to discourage another push to have him head SHIELD by noting he'd have to ask for a wish to put Lehane into some sort of power position, with her ending up as president eventually." Pepper raised an eyebrow. "Some people have enjoyed that idea enough that they've started a push to have her elected without her consent." Pepper slumped.

"Earlier, a house sub committee pushed forth a resolution that they'd be naming Harris to an intelligence spot somehow. There were six open and his position could be fixed later. She's ready to leave the US after freaking out. Harris is presently getting drunk tonight and he'll go yell at people again tomorrow."

"He's been fighting it for a while," Pepper said carefully. Maria Hill smirked and nodded. "Slayers can't hold political office."

"They think it's a moral sacrifice to save and protect people, compared it to the one she made when she chose to go on slayer duty." She let Pepper see that site. "I was wondering why I got a note from someone in Cleveland that the Council called in everyone for an emergency meeting after Faith got pulled out of a club on her night off."

Pepper grimaced. "That poor girl. Is she old enough to hold a seat in congress?"

"She's above eighteen."

"Hmm. Can we help?"

"If we sacrifice someone here to stand up for them. We might have to go all the way to making them look bad but with what they do, they look heroic enough for uniforms. The politicians won't like that but the normal people think it's great. The ones that want Harris in charge of SHIELD among normals all cite how he's heroically saving parts of Africa every few months. There's even fanfictions of what happens when he meets up with the warriors in Wakanda."

Pepper raised an eyebrow again. "Wonderful."

"Mostly they think he respects them too much to do more than respectfully flirt but that he might be a great post-battle stress relief with the King or someone higher up. Though none of them have linked him with the princess at this time. They seem to think she'd go for one of their own warriors."

Pepper shook her head with a sigh. "How can we help?"

"That's what I'm up here asking, Pepper. I don't deal with PR like you do. You've had experience with trying to get things out of public view."

"Yes but I usually had Tony go donate somewhere to some charity instead. It'd only make those two look even more good. I doubt they'd care if either one went on a drunken binge because they'd say it was stress relief after all the battles."

"Lehane's planning on fleeing the US."

"She might have to."

"Harris has said that it'd take a strike team coming for him to make him take up SHIELD or any other intelligence job."

"Fury might do that?" Pepper guessed.

"Don't give Nick any ideas, Pepper. He hates that Harris is solving things with a battle axe and explosives. Including a HYDRA base because they had attacked a peaceful community and a temple he's fond of. Thankfully he found the hostages before he blew up the base on them."

Pepper leaned back, considering things while rubbing her forehead. "There's no real way to make them to look bad without affecting their jobs and no one else can do what they do." Maria nodded she agreed, getting comfortable. "I'll... Let me talk to Tony tonight?"

"Please. This is going to take some twisted thinking to not get those two harmed for their duties but free of all this."

"I have no idea. I'll ask the others if they have ideas." Maria nodded, getting up and going to her office to alert Coulson. Pepper went down to the lab. Tony was in there having a talk with Steve about Steve being a dick earlier. "Guys, break it up for thirty," she ordered as she walked in. "Friday, please pull up the sites on electing Senior Slayer Lehane and the resolution about Harris earlier?" They showed up on virtual screens.

Tony frowned as he read. "They can't..." He looked at Pepper, who nodded. "That's going to suck."

"Neither one wants it," she said, coming in to stand beside him. "Hill said Harris wrote to see if we could help get them free of all that. Lehane wants to leave the US to get free of it. He's stated he's not coming out of Africa unless he's dragged out by a strike team. But then there's the complication of Nick Fury wanting him out of his turf."

"He'd do it just so he could arrange things," Steve agreed, frowning as he read. "What is their Council doing?"

"Having an emergency meeting according to Hill." She looked at Tony. "We don't know how to get them free of it without making them look bad, which would hurt them with their jobs."

"Yeah, you can't, and even if they're injured graphically during one they won't stop it, it'll just make them look even more heroic. Especially him since he's just a normal guy doing the job and he's already lost an eye doing it." He frowned. "Let me think. We can back up any statement they make about Harris not having the qualifications to do that sort of job and Lehane has to be able to move freely as a slayer doing her duty."

"The only thing I could think of was to counter with a better person for it," she said. "I can't see throwing Clint under the bus though."

Tony patted her on the back. "He'd scream about that thought but it'd give him a lot of time with his dog." She nodded.

"Clint would be the perfect combination of Faith and Xander," Steve agreed. He was still frowning. "What about the actual SHIELD people?"

"No idea," Pepper said. "Hill didn't say."

"This has to further someone's plans," Steve said. "Maybe some demon owing one, maybe the guy in the white house's plots, but it has to further someone's plots."

"Harris admitted he made a quip about suggesting Faith back him up a few weeks ago to the press," Maria Hill said as she walked in. "But it wasn't a full wish." They all grimaced but nodded. "And it's getting worse. They consider the prices on his head to be a good thing, showing how heroic he was."

"We need to get them stuck onto someone else who can be even more shiny," Stark told her. "Can you out Coulson? Or him and Fury to make everyone scream about it?"

"Coulson said we could out him," Hill said. "That may work on that one. That only leaves five intelligence spots they liked him for instead." Steve grimaced. "Outing Fury would make people want to remove Coulson even more and replace him with Harris. And they don't even know half of what he's done. They're only citing a few battles. And in one case the fanfiction because they thought he'd make a nice consort for King T'Challa."

"Sam and Nat are going down there in a few days for a diplomatic thing. They can show them that so they can have a fit out of sight," Stark said with a hand wave. "Thankfully I don't pay any attention to that because it creeps me out. They all think I'm very subby for some reason." Pepper kissed him on the cheek but walked off laughing. "Any other ideas?"

"Not yet," Maria Hill admitted.

"Tell Coulson to come out of the closet." She nodded. "Otherwise, we'll try to save the fair maiden of slaying."

"They'd probably appreciate the help." She left them to plot. Coulson was not amused but he could easily show up somewhere handling something she guessed. There were plenty of problems to go around these days.
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