Imagine: The List
Fic posted by members of Vo's Imaginings YahooGroup
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Patrick walked up to where Xander was getting a tan going over lists. Patrick was the head of the construction company that Xander half-owned and the guy who did all the house flipping for Xander's real estate interests. "I know you're leaving the country for a year in about three days but I need help."

"Okay," Xander said, putting down his pen. "What's happened, Patrick?"

He sat down on the grass, petting Hershey when she looked at him. "The new house we're working on, which isn't for you." Xander nodded at that point. "Her loan got canceled in the second week of construction. We're still working on the gutting."

"All right. Can she get more funding? Is this the guys won't be paid?"

"She's apparently so far down in the hole she's willing to sell us the house for the rest of the planned renovation's bill. She paid half of it up front and the rest was getting paid to us weekly." Xander nodded that was a good idea. "The house... You just have to see the house, Xander."

"Give me the address, see if your sister Patricia can meet us there?" Xander suggested. "We'll go over the options we have."

"Thank you." He petted the dog and got up, heading back to his truck.

"Let's get dressed," Xander ordered. The dogs groaned but quit lounging in the sun with him so they could lounge on the couch instead. "They had training classes all morning and were exhausted. Xander got dressed and left, going to where Patrick had said. The outside of the house was a white plantation style. Fairly southern and classical. Xander looked around before stepping up onto the porch. "Good bones," he told Patrick.

"Very good bones externally. The framing's nice. The electrical needs some work in places. Most of it was last done in the seventies and only a few updates have happened since then. They basically spot updated instead." Xander nodded he'd seen that before. "The problem happens once you get past this foyer." He walked him into the living room. It was painted rose pink. The carpet matched the drapes in a slightly darker shade of rose pink. The all white furniture looked Victorian in nature.

"For some reason I'm thinking Aphrodite's drawing room traveled," Xander said, looking at the fireplace. "Works?"

"Fairly well. It needs cleaned and a new gas line run to it. It's not wood burning." Xander nodded and they went into the kitchen, which was bubblegum pink with pink rose marble counter tops. Gold handles on the cabinets. He saw the look on Xander's face. "Her room is done in Smurfette."

Xander just nodded. "Okay. I'm thinking Aphrodite would love this house." He heard a quiet 'even I can't decorate in that much pink, Hephie would get mad at me'. "She said she can't use this much pink." Patrick snickered, leading him to the bedrooms. All in shades of pink. The master suite was indeed decorated in Smurfette and pink. "How old is the owner?" he asked quietly.

"Mid twenties. Twenty-eight I think."

Xander just nodded. They went to meet Patricia in the non-pink area. "It's sapping my strength," he told her.

"The guys all got happy that they'd be able to paint over the pink and regain some of their macho points," Patrick said with a grin. Patricia snickered but went to tour. She came back shaking her head. He showed her what she wanted for it.

"To make it sell for a reasonable value for the house, you'd have to put in all new kitchens, bathrooms, paint every room, rip up all the carpets, there's six windows that need replaced. You'd have to unplant the garden because it's all pink too plus dying right now." She looked around the foyer. "In the current housing market I'd probably list this house, if it weren't so pink, at a good eight hundred thousand for this neighborhood."

"With the purchase price will we be able to make money from the renos?" Xander asked.

Patrick shook his head. "She's talking a good nine hundred thousand in work," he admitted. "To make it top notch. To make it simply sellable probably six to seven. She wants one-fifty for it."

"Would it be something we could renovate and then rent until prices went up?" Xander asked.

"You'd still be losing money for at least two years probably, Xander." He grimaced but nodded. "Unless you can find another Barbie girl...." Patrick shook his head. "Or you can talk one of those renovation shows into taking it over. They probably get reduced products."

"Probably," Patrick said. "I know there's one shooting in town. Let me see if I can talk to them."

Xander smiled. "I'll let you do whatever you think is best, Patrick."

"Thanks, Xander. Thanks, Sis." He kissed her on the cheek and went to where all the contractors were filming for HGTV specials. He found one on break and boldly walked up to him. "Mr. Holmes?" The guy looked at him. "Hi, I'm Patrick and I own a construction and reno company. I have a homeowner that's gotten her loan canceled and is trying to sell my company the house but there's no way we'll recoup it after we reno and sell. Are there any of your fellow contractors on your network looking for a cheap project house?"

"Any serious problems with it?"

"Good external bones. Good framing. The wiring's spot touched up. Some's ancient from the seventies. Some's within the last few years when they put in the new furnace and roof." That got a nod. "The whole thing is pink though." The television contractor winced. "The guy who half-owns my company thought Aphrodite couldn't do that much pink. I figured you guys got cheaper products due to advertising and if you guys needed one I could gladly sell it to you at the cost that she's asking, which is the remainder of the reno contract fees, a hundred-fifty thou. I've seen a few on your network that do that sort of thing."

"Actually, I know someone who is looking for a project house. What sort of renos do you do?"

"We do post-hurricane and flipping both," he said with a grin. "I started under Poppi Delko and then went to my own company after ten years. Xander helped when we had a thin year so he half-owns us. We set it up so my crew shares three percent of the profits on any property we flip."

"That's actually a really good idea. Keeps them doing good work."

Patrick smiled. "I've never worried about any of my guys. The only time we've had problems it was the homeowner wanting things done strangely."

"That's where I knew you from. That range hood."

Patrick smirked. "They insisted so I let the range people install it. They fussed but I pointed out that I wasn't an expert with that sort of product and it was theirs so they were. They agreed to put it in wrong for them because they got pushy. I wasn't going to get into a pissing match with a client over a range hood."

He smirked. "Good choice. Sure, I can call someone to see it. Just at the price she's selling it for?"

"Yeah. I'm not asking for any profit. My company has four jobs we can move to. We had a great hurricane season and there's a lot of renovations right now to raise property values that sank."

"True. Let me call someone."

"Sure." He wrote down the address and handed it over. "It's a white plantation. The only one on the block." He smiled and shook his hand then left.

Holmes called someone. "It's Mike. A local contractor got a house nearly dumped on him when they defaulted during their renos. He said it's a perfect project house. Good bones. Going over today. He did say it was very pink." He smirked and read off the address. "I can meet you there in an hour." He hung up and went to tell his crew that. It wasn't the first time such offers came to them. He finished up for the moment and went over there to inspect the house. The other designer/contractor team showed up with him. He looked around the outside. "Good bones," he agreed. Patrick opened the door. "Roof?"

"Five years, all metal, commercial quality. Furnace got replaced at the same time because the same hurricane ripped it out of the back yard." He let them in. "The wiring in the basement and the attic office area were both redone at that time. The kitchen looks to be about ten years older than that and the rest of it looks like the seventies stuff we've removed a few times." He let them look around.

"This needs gutted," the designer said.

Patrick nodded. "My twin does real estate work. We had her go through to see how much we could list the house at. She said fair market was about eight hundred thou. She's defaulting on a hundred-forty-nine-thirty." They nodded. "I can't make any sort of profit. I'd have to spend more than the house is worth to get it up to good selling value."

"Whereas we get product placement discounts," Holmes agreed.

The designer nodded. "Definitely." He looked out back. "Nice yard for this part of the city."

Patrick smiled. "My guys were all excited they'd get to paint over some of the pink."

"Hardwood under the carpet?" Mike asked.

"No. When they put down the carpet for her they took out down to the subfloor."

"What's been selling down here?" the designer asked.

"Depends on the area. In this area we had a house recently that wanted more eco friendly materials so we had bamboo and laminate floors, locally made ceramic tiles, that sort of thing. Kitchens are still granite and stainless."

They nodded and got together to talk about it. Patrick pulled out the contract for them showing them what she had contracted for. "On order?" Mike asked.

"Order's on hold. I wasn't going to order it until next week because we had some gutting still to do. We've only been here a week and gotten one room done. She wanted us to do one room at a time so we focused on the bathroom that had gotten broken during some sort of fight." He pointed at it. "The clamshell and pink was her tastes."

"Small crew?"

"We were holding up a bit because the rest of my crew is finishing a habitat house. Xander wants to donate yearly to them so we donate skilled labor to a house a year." He smiled. "Plus we were using it to train our new kids from the vo-tech. We take in two a year. I had the ones that weren't needed there here. They were going to finish up Friday and start this one on Monday. We're pretty well booked whenever want to be because this year's storm damage was pretty hefty."

"Down here that must be the majority of your work," the designer said.

Patrick smiled and nodded. "It is. The year I started my own company was a weak year. I started it before hurricane season and then only two mild ones hit so Xander, who we had been redoing a garage for thanks to a batty neighbor that burned it down, stepped in with another job for us and when that left us with a month-long stretch between jobs he gave me a good loan to get back on my feet. The guys all love doing jobs for Xander, not only because of the extra money it earns them. He's a really nice guy. He left it up to me."

"He in construction?" the designer asked.

"He was crew lead on a commercial site for about nine months. Then something happened, he took a vacation road trip and something medical happened so he had to retire. He's one of the gayest men in construction ever but he's a good guy. Has good ideas and never gets too demanding. He even offered to change some of a job we did to give us a few extra weeks on it."

"That's a really nice guy," Mike agreed. "This pink is ...."

"Did you see the main bedroom?" Patrick asked.

"My daughter used to have that decorating scheme," Mike quipped.

The designer nodded. "Mine too." He looked around. "With our discounts and the network behind us, we could definitely make this a project house or even for that 'you buy it and we'll renovate it better' show that's starting next season."

"I'll give it to you guys at cost," Patrick said. "I don't want to be sunk into this house. I'll have nightmares."

They discussed it with a higher up at the network who made those sort of decisions. They showed up to look at the house. She even didn't like all the pink. But it was approved. Patrick signed over the contract and they got the owner in to sign over the deed. Steve Ellison faxed over the paperwork they'd need because Patrick had warned him.

"Lawyer on tap?" the network exec asked.

Patrick grinned. "Steve's my co-owner's financial guy. He does not understand investments and things. Steve's a pretty decent guy too. MBA, huge financial whiz shot. Got my guys good retirement and insurance programs when we switched. The lawyer who drew it up was probably his girlfriend."

"Interesting. You co-own?"

"Yup, but Xander left it in my hands." He called him. "I need your signature. Aphrodite's temple. Thanks." He hung up. "He'll be back over. He's out picking up chocolates." He looked around and found the incense in his box, lighting it. "Xander has a hormone output condition," he said at the odd looks. "This way it doesn't bother anyone."

"I know someone like that," Mike Holmes said. "One of my neighbors is."

"Xander's a fairly well known one locally." Xander walked in and came back. "Thanks, Xander."

"No, thank you, guys." He shook their hands. "We good on the paperwork?"

"She signed over the deed. Just need you to sign it over to them," Patrick said. Xander did that and handed it over with a grin. "Thanks."

"Welcome. Better to let someone with taste have it." He smiled at the designer. "I nearly used one of yours in my back yard but every single storm destroys my patio area." He walked off so he could go home.

Mike nodded. "Yeah, he's a lot like my neighbor." The gayest man in construction name definitely fit him too. "Thanks, Patrick."

"No, thank you guys. That's a huge weight off my people." He shook their hands and left. They arranged with the owner for when she could move out. Then the new show could take over. Because clearly it was needed before Miami became infected by her.

***

Xander leaned down to kiss Wade on the forehead. "Are you sick?" he asked when he got blinked at. "I'm checking for a fever."

"Anya wore me out."

"She should get pictures from Patrick on the house he just handed to someone else. She'd never get it up tonight." He beamed and handed over the box. "The good chocolates from the place by the docks." He went to his office to screw around with something.

Wade nibbled on the chocolates while watching Xander's tv and texting Anya to get pictures from Patrick. The text he got back of 'oh my god that's disgusting' made him cackle. She shared the pictures and he shuddered. "Can we kill her?" he called. "Before becomes contagious?"

"Patrick gave the house to the HGTV guys," Xander called.

"At least some of them have taste," he decided. "Because that's disgusting."

"Should've seen it in person, Wade," Xander said, coming to the doorway. "I felt so gay in that house. I don't know many gay men who'd like that house. Or many women. Send those to Greg?"

Wade nodded, sending those pictures up to Greg with the warning they were bad.

***

Greg got into the email. "House that's gayer than Xander. Warning, bad mental images may start," he read. He got into the pictures and paused, then shuddered and closed it. "Don't look, Abby. You'll be horrified."

"Did they decorate in dead things?" He let her see and she did shudder, plus start to scratch. "No one's that gay."

"Wade was right, the house was gayer than Xander." He showed her the bedroom picture.

"Clearly that girl needs drugs. Or maybe to stop taking drugs." She walked off scratching.

Tony rolled over and looked then shuddered. "That's almost evil. Is Patrick rehabing it?"

"Sold it to that home network."

"Good! Some of them have taste!" He rolled back to his desk. Gibbs was giving them a strange look so Greg beamed the pictures to him. Gibbs shuddered. "Yeah, that's why, boss."

"I agree with Abby. Someone needs drugs."

"Me for the headache," Greg said. "That's so bad. The woman is probably mentally still eight." He found his stash of tylenol and took four. Then he deleted the email after answering back.

"Let's hope she doesn't move up here," Tony quipped. "Send that to Ziva?"

"She'll kill me and you'd pout because you'd miss me," Greg quipped back. Ziva gave him an odd look. He found it in his trash and sent it to her. She muttered something about knowing someone to put her out of her misery before deleting it. "Tylenol?" he offered, holding up the bottle. She found hers and took some then went to clear her head.

Gibbs smirked. "Nice one, boys. Now you can do her reports."

"I already was," Tony complained. He sent them back to her and finished his own then went to the snack and coffee machines.

Greg snickered, sending Gibbs his. "All done, boss."

"Fine." He proofed them and put them into the folder.

The End.
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